#no but like i have extreme brainworms so i just went all out and made this a fun day for them

[4giorno]

they are so cute <3333 yeah ignore me im just getting emotional abt this sweet fun date at the circus

[tmnt-obsessed-ace]

OK

Fractured (Lost) Hamato Clan time

Lets talk about the brain worms that will be in the boys' heads for most of the story! (Mostly because I had a REALLY angsty idea and I have to inflict it on you all)

Ok so the brain worms are different that the ones that got put into Karai. These brain worms are slightly shorter but nearly twice as thick as the canon brain worms, a near pitch black with pale yellow stripes along the bodies. And unlike the canon brain worms that go through preexisting holes (ear holes, eye sockets, etc) they just drill straight through the skull and burrow themselves directly into the brain. (If these brainworms went through the turtles' eye sockets like in the show then that entire eye socket would have to be surgically repaired. These are FAT brainworms)

The most notable sign that the brain worm is in would be a change of eye color, turning the irises a pale almost watery looking yellow that glows hauntingly in the darkness.

The worms effects are also different.

Instead of acting like sleeper agents the worms are constantly on and constantly active. They dont so much cause blind obedience when Shredder gives a command but rather allowing for the turtles' personalities to remain completely intact even when following Shredder's orders.

They still ACT like themselves, only problem is that they are now completely loyal to the Shredder and will do whatever he says with smiles on their faces.

And that was exactly the intended effect.

This entire plan was created for the sole purpose of getting Splinter killed in the most devastating way possible.

Killed by his own children, the ones he held so dear.

And thats also the problem.

This entire brain worm plan was supposed to be incredibly short term as the turtles would've been ordered to kill themselves after taking Splinter's life.

So now that that little scenario hadnt happened and the turtles will be wormed for much longer than intended it will cause problems.

Like the first problem, these worms are actively DYING inside the turtles' brains. They werent made to live very long because of how unstable they were so now that they're existing far longer than intended they are approaching the end of their life spans.

The dying and eventual rotting of the brain worms will cause lots of problems, like slowly changing the turtles' behaviors. Making them more aggressive, more hostile and snappy towards literally anyone, skewing their morals and sense of judgment which will cause them to make worse and worse decisions as the story progresses.

Other side effects of the decay/rot will include memory loss, impaired coordination and mobility, headaches, nausea, rapidly increasing aggression, loss of one's self, mass organ failure...

So not a fun time.

But another effect of the brain worms dying is that their influence over the turtles is decreasing, more weak spots presenting itself and more chances to try and get the worms out.

One such weakness is causing extreme amounts of mental distress, forcing the worm to squirm around to try and stop it and making it much more vulnerable than when it was just sitting inside the brain. If one could cause a violent enough reaction the worm might come out.

There is an issue with that though.

Causing that much mental distress would already be traumatizing and horrible enough, especially since when the worm is moving around the host isnt under its control and is back to normal.

But I mentioned how the worm would be MOVING? Well the host would be able to FEEL that fat worm quickly squirming around in their BRAIN, an organ that was NEVER meant to have something inside it!

The pain will be excruciating as the worm scurries about, agony following its every step. Like you could full on feel it running across your OPTICAL NERVES levels of painful.

Add this agony on top of probably having a full blown major panic attack from the extreme mental stress that CAUSED the brain worm to boogie around in your brain like its a friday night. It will be absolute HELL.

I bring this up because that is the EXACT scenario that my angst loing brain thought up and inspired this post.

The scenario, 2012 Leo gets locked in a freezer during a fight and freaks the fuck out, triggering the brain worm to freak the fuck out.

And Splinter finds his son trying to literally BASH HIS OWN HEAD IN AGAINST THE WALL TO MAKE THE PAIN STOP.

Leo full on sobbing, hugging Splinter so tight as he BEGS for the pain to stop, for Splinter to just kill him and put him out of his misery, that he's so sorry for everything he's done and he just wants to stop.

Its gonna absolutely SHATTER Splinter's poor heart as the only thing he can do is hold Leo close, trying to soothe him as he screams until his voice gives out.

And before you ask no the healing hands wont work on removing the brain worm, in fact all it would do is heal the worm and increase its control over the turtles

[waffliesinyoface]

Games I Done Played in 2023

Putting this under a readmore because it is Long.

-Scarlet/Violet - on the cusp of 2022/2023 but it sort of counts? Especially with the DLC only just coming out this year. Anyways. its good. Professor Sada my beloved evil milf. RIP to violet players who got Turo instead.

-Atelier Ryza 1 - went in knowing nothing about it! And then i went feral because its a really fucking good game with themes and good characters and a lively town full of people that you care about. One of my favorite moments is when Agatha, head of the town guard, looks at Ryza and goes "geez, where did that knucklehead kid who was always messing around go? you've really grown up, huh Ryza?" ITS SO GOOD. Also Ryza is the ADHD fucking icon we deserve. Cannot focus on things she doesn't care about. Perpetually messy room. Kind of an airhead. Finds one (1) thing that she actually likes (alchemy) and then hyperfocuses on it exclusively.

-Atelier Ryza 2 - this game has the mass effect 2 problem where it's coming off the heels of a really great first story but then very early on you realize the main plot is actually a bit shit. Ryza 1 is a story about the inherent destructive nature of colonialism and how that will come back to bite you in the ass. Ryza 2 is about having a sick cat. They try to do something interesting with the optional backstory for each of the areas but then they don't tie it to the main quest at all? THAT SAID: while the main plot is shit, it does the other thing that ME2 does, in that all of the character sidequests are incredible. Klaudia in Ryza 1 is just like. The kind of casual fanservice gay that pops up in slice-of-life anime, so I brushed it off. Klaudia in Ryza 2 is having sad tearful confessions in the rain. I got fucking yuri brainworms from this game. Her arc culminates in Ryza making her a ""friendship"" necklace made from extremely precious metals. It's basically solid gold and has a heart design. Its beautiful. #JustHeterosexualThingsToDoWithYourBestie

-Atelier Ryza 3 - okay i will be honest i still have not finished this. You know how it is. I like that its more open world but also I dont know that it needed to be open world. The writing seems to be better than 2 but not quite as good as 1. I DO like that the beginning lets you see Ryza in her home town, and she's gone from the local troublemaker to Someone In Authority. She's an important and respected member of the community and a schoolteacher now, and now she can argue with the council that they're being a bunch of dickheads with their heads in the ground and people actually listen to her instead of telling her to shut up. Thats such good character development, I'm so proud of her.

-Fire Emblem Engage: went in expecting it to be awakening, to the point that I explicitly bought a physical copy for the purposes of being able to return it if it was shit. Then after playing for a bit i was like "wait a minute, is this just awakening again but actually good?" and THEN i was like "oh no this game fucking rips ass actually, hell yeah". One of, if not THE best fire emblem game. It would be an excellent choice for new players but it's also an anniversary game and so most of the cool callbacks and stuff kinda fall flat if you're not ALREADY a fan.

-Mahoyo: technically a VN, not a game. Also technically I did not finish. Need to get back to it. Aoko Aozaki is my blorbo and I love her. If you like Nasuverse stuff you owe it to yourself to get it.

-SAO Hollow Realization - its an SAO game so it is bad but it is far less bad than i thought it would be. Relationship mechanic is skeevy and I dislike that you need to do it to upgrade party equipment. I killed a hard boss early on and got a sword that immediately broke the difficulty curve which honestly fits how SAO rolls lmao. The fact that you can customize your character but they're still actually kirito is. weird. Buuut it meant I could make Kirito into a girl, which she deserves, the fucking egg. Also Argo's outfit is a travesty, and I will hunt the character designer for sport.

-Tears of the Kingdom - better than BotW plot wise, but didn't fix enough of the core issues. Please can we have a Ganondorf who even approaches the heights attained by Wind Waker. The character designers put so much work into him and making him imposing yet kingly, and then the writers went "uh, he's evil because he's evil? stop overthinking it, dummies." The bossfights are all peak though. Yes even the stupid octopus who is weak to roombas. Lightning Temple was my favorite because I love ancient egyptian iconography and light puzzles. Also the boss is actually challenging if you go there early.

-Armored Core VI - i literally decided to pre-order it like 5 minutes before it came out. And then I came to the realization that actually giant robots fuck hardcore. This is responsible for me getting really into Gundam. I have like 16 gunpla built with 4 more still in boxes and 3 more preordered for 2024. Yes, it infected me that bad. Also Cinder Carla IS my mom and I love her. Burning the planet and solar system is the good ending because she says so.

-Disgaea 7 - disgaea is BACK babey. ...okay I haven't finished this one either but after the travesty that was 6 im giving this a gold star. I love that the protagonist is an idiot weeb catgirl, and i love that the antagonist is literally just Demon Commodore Perry. Nippon Ichi please bring back the kitsune class from 5 please and thankyou.

-Mice Tea - i literally just got this so i've only done one ending but its fun, and good. Drink tea, become a mouse. Get horny about it. Happens to the best of us.

-Touhou 19 - i THINK the full english translation is done now, so thats good. Ran Yakumo is playable and im so happy. It's a shame the netplay is uh. Um. Non-existent. Because coding netplay is hard.

-Lunar Silver Star Story - once again, i still need to finish this. It's a really really good JRPG!! "What if we used the PS1 disc size to have anime cutscenes for important moments and character introductions" fucking genius and i love you. Listen to Wind's Nocturne right now.

-PARANORMASIGHT: The Seven Mysteries of Honjo - do you like VNs? Do you like mystery novels with horror elements? Do you like creepy things like curses and ghosts? Do you like really fucking good music? If you answered yes to any of those questions, please get this game. There's like one or two puzzles that were really obtuse on release but i think the game's been updated to provide better hints, so that's nice.

-Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life - my favorite harvest moon game as a child with a fresh coat of paint, some really nice QoL updates, and its gay now. You can be gay. I can finally get lesbian married to Nami and we can have an adorable precious daughter who turns me into Maes Hughes whenever Im in the same room as her. I named her Ruby because A: red hair, B: Nami loves cool shit you find in the digsite like precious minerals, and C: Lou (the innkeeper) was named Ruby in the original version of A Wonderful Life, and she's BASICALLY Nami's mom. Wait this review turned into me gushing about my adorable daughter again...

[sw4tch]

Today the brainworm impulses won. I went out to the mall and snooped around the toy sections bcus I was hoping to find tf figures (bcus well Yeah. Yeah I do want me a lil robot figurine). And mostly what they had in stock were the rise of the beasts line (which hm. I’ll say it, the designs are WACK and mostly cheap looking.) [also they only ever have bee, megs and optimus. Like cmon they don’t even have my boy mirage. MEGS WASNT EVEN IN THE MOVIE]

Anyway- I was surprised to find that one store had the ES line and I went “oh?” What’s my girly Twitch doing over here” and so I searched around the boxes and I Found Him. My Beloved. My Evil Wife. In Perfectly Cute Plastic Form. Actually I was surprised just how good the quality was. And how cute he was. So I Knew. I Knew He Had To Be Mine.

But also he was Pricey so first I went through the entire mall and bought the things I was there for in the first place and I was like “ok if, AND ONLY IF, you end the day with enough budget left, we will go back and Get It”

and GUESS WHAT! they had a bunch of discounts on the clothes I was supposed to buy so I spent less money than expected. SO AFTER a very nice shopping time- I went back to that store and got… Him.

Behold… MY SILLY (and first tf figure…!)

ES shockwav3 is so adorable and i loveeee his legsies and how poseable he is!! He has a little blaster!! He’s ready to commit war crimes!! YOU CAN MOVE HIS FINEALS so he can go from Neutral Kitty to Attack Kitty.

Overall, I’m super extremely happy with my purchase. In fact I am so happy that now my goal is to get all of the deceptic0n high command from this particular line (but I gotta check if they even made st4rscream and s0undwave for this line yet)

Anyway. Had a good day today \(^w^)b \< o >/

[messydiabolical]

The Cerberus shield fort in the Normandy hangar bay, aka Fort Mail Slot

I was chatting about fave enemies in Mass Effect in a discord chat, and mentioned that I love the cerberus shield guys, as a sniper they are fun to aim at. And I got the biggest freaking brainworm, which started with:

Keahi Shep would collect them all up (the shields) afterwards and build a victory fort in the shuttle bay. Thane: has anyone seen siha Garrus: he's in the shield fort down in the bay Thane: the what Garrus: they're making a throne. It has turrets too.

And it became A THING. @stormikins and I then went into such a spiral elabroating the lore of Fort Mail Slot, at 7am on Monday morning, on no sleep and much coffee. Highlights! (quotations are @stormikins ideas, thank you so much for joining me on this madness stormikins!) ⦁ Everyone gets to add a shield they have 'won' (aka taken out a cerberus shield guy in battle) to the front rampart and can decorate it as they choose. ("Grunt would paint dinos and sharks. Eating little Cerberus guys"). ⦁ At first its seen as a Shep quirk, but as people add their own touches to it, they quickly become fully invested in the fort. Tali engineers a lighting and sound system. Liara establishes extranet connections. A bar appears. Vega's gym gets absorbed into the structure and becomes the fort gym. ⦁ Sophie gets her own tower right by the front gate and is the guard dog of honour. "She’s like Cerberus guarding the gate. Must give bribe treat to get in" ⦁ The fort quickly becomes legendary throughout the galaxy. It's in the shuttle bay, so anyone who comes aboard immediately see's the giant freaking shield fort as like the first thing they see aboard the Normandy, which is hilarious, UNLESS they come aboard from the upper dock, then they hear whispers of the secret fort in the basement. ⦁ "Shepard, picking up Jack and the kids at Grissom: hey, collect your shields! We’re trying to make another wing! Jack: what " (but also) Jack: sees the kids not picking up shieds Jack: you heard the man you little Fu- fricks.

⦁” Kaidan/Ashley come aboard and are like: damn nothing really has changed huh” They'd look, shake their head, and immediately hop on in. "Shake of the head, hands on hips, and then “how many do I need?” ⦁ Politicans that DON'T fuck Shep over get embassy status ⦁ Rumour has it Primarch Victus got absolutely sauced in the bar wing late one night after a trying day of playing politics ⦁ The dalatrass is of course denied entry. "Wrex takes pleasure in rubbing in her face that he's invited and she isn't" ⦁ the fort becomes so normalised on the Normandy, so much a part of the life that people kinda forget it’s a bit odd, and when the asari refuse to help Shep actually tries the 'but you won't be included in the fort' line asari: what Shep: what~ ⦁ Liara gets her own mini bank of screens in the fort to try and lure her out of her room, Shep puts up black blankets around the area with a huge sign saying 'super secret shadow broker business shhhhh' over it. Shep also puts up a neon notice board with 'totally not super secret shadow broker messages under here nope' and underneath is an extremely crudely drawn penis, with realy tiny writing underneath, like so tiny you have to get really close or take a picture and zoom, and the writing says 'made you look Liara. Twice.' and next to it is another tiny dick. ⦁ Another shadow broker prank sign: “To learn this SB secret please answer the following: dog or not?" ⦁ Joker gets 'I got fucked in the cerberus shield fort and all I got was this lousy shirt' teeshirts printed ⦁ Shep creates a little moat out front for javik. He of course deems it primitive, but can be found using it. He also compiles a report on more effective fort defence protocols. "Sophia loves him, and he's annoyed by it, but secretly loves it" ⦁ In time people commend Shepard for coming up with such an unconventional but genius way of creating a bonding exercise for the crew during the stresses of war. Shep is mysetfied, they genuinely just wanted to build a fort. ⦁ Just picture it: a bunch of cerberus troops spreading out in front of Shep, feeling confident ('so many of us vs 3 people, and us with these shiny shields!') and shep just whooping and shouting 'yes! we can extend the cinema room lads!' and the troops being very, very confused ⦁ the mail slots on the front gate are for pizza delivery we tried coming up with good names, but in the end decided that it being simply the shield fort was funnier, as people might assume the 'shield fort in the hangar bay' is like an actual, functional ship thing, like a shield fortification station for the normandy or something, and then its like 'oh, no, it's an actual shield fort'. It does gain the nickname of Fort Mail Slot among the crew. please help us expand Fort Mail Slot lore! What would other squad members decorate their shields with? What upgrades would people add, what wings? Please share cerberus sheild fort shennanigans i’d love to hear them x

[felikatze]

give me the a brainworms i am deeply invested in this man

(0) (2) (3) (4)

okay first of all you asked for this. second of all if i am a little off track from the game that is explained by me just building thoughts like building blocks without looking back. third i was supposed to be studying for an exam but this counts as practice right? it's character analysis anyway lmao.

buckle the fuck up, my dearest anon, because I have sub headings.

1. A as the Player Character

Let me begin with why I am obsessed with this horrid little guy in the first place: he's a silent protagonist. I am always obsessed with protagonists. It's a law of nature. I love taking hollow characters and dissecting them for scraps. It's a long standing practice of mine.

Being a silent protagonist, A, as X, does not have a set personality. However, there are patterns. Firstly, as any semi-silent protagonist, A is a reactive character. He does not start incidents, he only responds to situations, presented by the Sephirah, as they arise. He does not actively seek out new information, merely going about the routine of expanding departments, but expresses curiosity when information is presented to him.

I'm aware fandom likes to characterize X and A differently, likely because they are initially presented as different characters. I, on the other hand, would like to pose the theory that they are more similar than expected.

I believe that A is also a reactive character, rather than active. Despite the fandom wiki describing him as stubborn, the goal A pursues with such fervor, the completion of the Seed of Light, is not actually a goal he set for himself. Carmen is the one who set this goal for him by leaving him her legacy.

Throughout the backstory we get relating to the Cogito Project, A is Carmen's assistant, whereas Carmen is the driving researcher. This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be; going with the flow of goals set for them by superiors. Yes I will get into his attachment to Carmen later.

The above is not to say A isn't stubborn. Once he has accepted a goal as his own, he will pursue it at all costs, as is obvious from any and all flashbacks leading to horrible deaths. But the point isn't his pursuit of the goal, but where that goal comes from. Even Lobcorp itself supports this, despite what Hokma may say; A as X follows the "simple" task of managing the Corp's day to day activities, and executes any mission given to him by the Sephirah. He outranks them, and doesn't actually need to do their missions, but does so anyway. Players are driven by the reward offered by those missions, of course, and A might be the same in that regard. Nonetheless, at no point in gameplay do you do anything somebody else hasn't told you to.

The overarching narrative of the Script would be the most obvious example. Every single person in the game follows the script, whether they know it or not.

Lastly on this note, a phrase we hear attributed to A, "Machines must behave as machines." Now, Angela may be attached to this phrase because it bears significance to herself as a machine, and informs most of A's unjust treatmeant of her. However, what if it doesn't just apply to machines? The phrase reads as such, "Everyone must act according to their own role."

2. A, Carmen, and the disease of the mind

So, A will at any cost pursue goals Carmen set for him. Question is, why? The obvious answer would be saying he's in love with her, which like, true. But also, how did Carmen come to be so precious to him?

Let us return to the comparison, "This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be." We don't really know why exactly most characters joined Carmen, excluding mainly Daniel and Benjamin. But this does not mean we can't have theories.

Carmen's ideal was curing the "disease of the mind." What is the disease? Complete hopelessness. The inability to form aspirations and dreams, to think of a better future. A is a very reactive character who does not set goals for himself. Therefore, I personally conclude, that initially, Carmen's ideology resonated with him because he could identify with the disease.

This is the point where I start rewatching Lobcorp story clips. Dear god.

So, by briefly binging day 27 onward, I've come up with lines that very much support this lil theory of mine:

First, from Carmen, a description of the disease, "People lock away their own potential."

Second, a line from Angela, after the memory synchronization, "You've locked yourself in this prison without bars."

Carmen describes A as humble, and Benjamin thinks he is warm. If I suppose A was one of the diseased initially, Carmen would be the catalyst for this change. Carmen was someone with big aspirations, with plans to heal what is wrong with the City, and it gave him hope. He was one of the diseased, but through time with Carmen, with that relentless optimistic spirit, he may have been cured, for a time. It's not a stretch to say that she was his light.

But lor shows us what happens when the seed of light sprouts wrong, doesn't it? It distorts. A grasped hope for the first time and then it is ruthlessly crushed. Carmen was everything. Yes, A is described as a jack-of-all-trades, as a genius in all pursuits he puts his mind to, but what does that matter in the face of someone who can unite people? Who can give them hope of a better world? Who can inspire them to actually use the talents they have?

And what kind of pressure is it to put the legacy of a messiah in the hands of the diseased?

3. A and the Perception Filter: A is weak to White damage

No, I am serious about that. He's extremely weak mentally. Obviously death of a loved one is a changing experience for absolutely anybody, but Carmen's death destroyed him.

Not only did he refuse to confide this grief to anyone and bottled it up, now everybody looked to him to lead the project, but he just isn't Carmen. He isn't an ambitious person, he doesn't have the same optimism, he can't bring people together, but people expected him to, and he failed. Hard.

While he was without a doubt talented in science, he was also just an average guy.

After her death, A grew to hate humans. He lost trust in them. He refused to confide in anyone, and be confided in by anyone. Thus, the team fell apart.

In both lobcorp and lor, we get interesting tidbits about precations taken to protect the manager.

Firstly, Lobcorp's perception filter. The cartoony art-style of the game is a result of the game being in first person. Through the eyes of the manager, everything is cartoony!

This is a measure undertaken to specifically protect the manager's psyche. Angela tells us that, before it was deployed, the manager would frequently go insane, one notable incident including the manager trying to hang himself. When we first hear this, the previous managers and X are still separate in our minds. However, they're all A! A went insane multiple times without it.

This is understandable, considering that employees also frequently go insane and try to kill both themselves and others. But they're there in action, confronting the Abnormalities directly. Just watching them made the manager go mad. They could not handle the responsibility for the employees' deaths.

In lor, Angela explains why she picked the Rabbit Team from R Corp as their main contractor instead of any other team. One team was simply too big for L Corp's narrow hallways, and the other team... dealt in psychic damage. It was simply too big of a risk for the manager. But the manager is always secure behind the cameras. Would that teams methods just be that brutal visually, or would their attacks have reached the manager?

Combined with his immense grief at all of his friends and coworkers dying in part because of him, A cannot bear to look at death.

4. A's greatest flaw: Avoidance

A common thread during Core Meltdown flashbacks: A refuses to look at suffering. He just can't. Whether it be looking away from Elijah writhing on the floor or hanging up on Daniel's panicked report of death.

This is actually the thing Angela takes the biggest issue with, and what hurt her most. A would never look at her, acknowledge her, and she did not understand why. But I think A did not refuse to look at her out of maliciousness. Rather, it was out of grief over Carmen. He could not look at her without being reminded of what he lost.

Angela's creation came about because A wanted someone to guide him, someone like Carmen. He threw himself into the project to the point it made Benjamin happy that A was passionate about anything again. But as soon as the project he distracted himself with is complete, he is filled with regret. Carmen cannot be replicated, and he breaks again.

Furthermore, tying this back to my first point about A being a reactive person, we see Angela take charge over A. She's the one recruiting employees and leading the business. It was likely a relief for him to be able to step down from the leading position.

But avoiding it made everything worse. He did not act when he saw Elijah's unchecked ambition, he did not act beyond a simple check at Gabriel's decay, he gave Giovanni the same hope he clung to to no avail, et cetera et cetera.

Avoiding his problems is making them worse and sending everything down the drain (including his psyche), so he deals with it the only way he knows how, avoiding them more!

Biggest example of A's big avoidance problem as his psyche crumbles: the memory wipe. A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much.

By erasing his own memory, he could start fresh without his grief, because he might've really killed himself otherwise. His suffering became bigger and bigger, and he coped by avoiding it.

The memory wipe allowed him to distangle his problems. Through his interactions with the Sephirah (which I will not individually detail for the sake of my sanity and because I dumped all this on a friend on discord already), he can deal with and actually process his issues one at a time.

As the motto describes, only by facing the fear can he build the future. Only by finally facing his grief and acknowleding it, seeing that the past cannot be changed and he has no choice to move forward, can he actually do so.

5. The Sephirah as ghosts

Lobotomy Corporation feels like a ghost story. I've touched upon this in my previous A post.

As you reach the Corp's lower levels, there are less Sephirah. First there are four. They act like normal employees, and do not breach into the story's underbelly until you reach their core supressions and the facade breaks. Second, counting Tiphereth as one, there are three. They still go about their duties, but they know what they are. Third, there are two, and the facade is gone. They know what they are, and they will tell you about the sins of the past.

And finally, you reach Keter, and there is only one.

This gradual decay of the facade is what really gets to me. I said that by interacting with the Sephirah, A deals with his issues one by one, but that's what the Sephirah are, in this case. Representations.

The people the Sephirah used to be are dead, and the Sephirah are their ghosts. The core supression involve putting these ghosts to rest. Doesn't it match the progression of a typical ghost story? Find the ghost, find what they used to be, and help them move on.

So, if everyone is a ghost, then A is alone.

But, behind the scenes, the Sephirah are still there. They are still people, and they have changed for the better, too. As always, A simply does not look.

(Does he even see the good others see in him? Does he look away from praise, too? Did he even realize Benjamin's admiration for him? Will we ever know?)

6. A's end.

A's progression of moving on would be fine and dandy if it did not end as thus: A does kill himself.

A sees himself beyond the point of no return. Everyone is dead. He is alone. Carmen is never coming back. He can't call it quits now, or else everything has been in vain. (Even if the last days show us a part of him wants to just quit, so badly.)

So, there's only one thing left to do: follow the Script to its ending. Fulfill Carmen's legacy at all costs. Death as the ultimate release.

This is the point where I admit I do not like the death as release trope. But the game does a good enough job as presenting it as the only option A had, or the only option he saw himself as having.

However, I've mentioned it before, I'll mention it again: A was not alone. Death was his release, but he left wreckage. In order to end his own suffering, he inflicted the same pain he went through on others.

Throughout the game, he moves on and pushes through. The ending shows that in reality... he didn't.

At least in lor the characters stick together and help each other heal.

This has been most of my thoughts on A, amounting to my longest analysis post ever, having taken me approximately two and a half hours to complete, and clocking in at 2337 words including up to this paragraph.

Thank you anon for giving me the incentive to verbalize all of this, so I can finally be at ease having inflicted my thoughts on everybody else.

[sparxwrites]

dude loved the dsmp fic u did with technoblade and quackity. The second part of the series where quackitys trauma with schlatt came up in the most unexpected way near the end- cool af. if u ever have time and the desire I'm sure many other people would love to see more dream smp stuff from u 💜💜😳💜💜!!! I'm so curious what made u think of such a raw scene b/een Q and techno in the aftermath of the butcher army execution in the first part

okay, so- context for this is that i wrote the redux because a friend threatened promised to actually fuckin pay me to watch techno's pov of the execution, and to write an alternate version where techno's braid got cut off. i genuinely enjoyed the video, ended up doing the fic for funsies and writing a lot more than intended, and got brainworms about doing a sequel.

however. that meant that basically i was working on a) two hours of footage, mainly of techno, and b) snippets i had picked up from fanart, animatics etc. for characterisation. so i wrote 2k of relatively generic "bully asshole guy dubcons woobie asshole guy into sex that he totally definitely doesn't want but kind of secretly does", because that's a solid chunk of my brand, just as a "haha smutty fic machine go brrr" kind of thing.

and then i actually watched some more content. and went, oh, whoops, hmm, this Absolutely Doesn't Work At All with the actual characterisation of these two.

because techno is an asshole, but he's a joy-of-the-hunt, intimidating-you-is-kind-of-funny asshole, not a sleazy dubcon asshole. and because quackity is... i was going to say "the complete opposite of a woobie", but actually he's kind of a woobie in function (victimised constantly), but the diametric opposite of one in form (responds by attempting to take chunks out of anyone that so much as looks at him kindly, as opposed to weeping in a corner somewhere).

so then i had 1k+ of smut machine go brr (i had written up to abt the first time techno pulls out, i think), and a suddenly really interesting character dynamic that didn't really work with the plot i'd had in mind. which is probably why it ended up so "raw", as you put it - because the only way out of the corner i'd written myself into, without discarding the whole thing, was to lean into how bad this would end up being for both parties involved. so it became instead techno throwing his weight around as an intimidation tactic (death is relatively cheap in minecraft; as far as he's concerned, if quackity really really didn't want this, he'd have taken the loss of inventory and opted for a quick kill/respawn) and ending up in over his head/doing something he wouldn't normally do but wasn't overly concerned about; and quackity acquiescing because schlatt (whilst mostly never outright "pin you down as you beg me to stop") was extremely bad at taking no for an answer, and so he got used to just taking whatever he was given because he'd otherwise be called a pussy for it and/or ground down until he agreed.

which is why everything falls apart at the end, and the dynamic flips - the minute techno realises this isn't hatesex-ish with quackity being a bitter mouthy shit as usual, he's like "uhhh Nope Nope Nope" and wants to get the fuck out of there asap, because sexual assault is really not part of his whole "good clean kill, joy of the hunt" thing. except quackity, laden down with trauma about this kind of shit and probably dissociating out of his fucking skull/in the middle of a flashback, interprets this as "he thinks i can't take it", and is absolutely desperately trying to avoid the verbal abuse and humiliation he associates with not being """strong enough""" to take whatever abuse his partner wants to dish out prove he's a big boy and doesn't need to be coddled.

so! that's how i accidentally ended up with plot and/or actual emotions in what was meant to be some fun, dubiously-consensual porn lmao. and now i'm slightly obsessed w this dynamic between quackity and techno, and the potential follow-through of them dealing with the fallout from it. watch this space maybe??? or don't, because i'm bad at following through on writing stuff, but we'll see.

(and thank u for the compliments as well! glad u liked the fics :3c more fucked up nonsense with quackity to come shortly, i promise~)

[svnnnne]

i did not forget about this and nO I AM TOTALLY INTO IT KEEP GOING OP - i love this so so much because i honestly would have not thought about it as coherently as you did!!!! love search() and paint()!!!

unfortunately i will be using this as a way to put down all my silly incomprehensible brainworm worldbuilding notes but maybe it'll inspire something (or someone can help me piece stuff together aaa)

hahaha spoilers under the read more???

General AU Notes

in my head the au is slightly based on this analysis. mostly i was just really into the idea that cloudbank works as it should (a perfect democracy where everyone votes what they want) because they're computer programs. things run smoothly, until people start to become self aware... or at least are very close to becoming self aware.

most of the thieves meet ren through his music somehow - they just feel a connection that something is off about cloudbank... but they can't put their finger on it (hehe almost self awareness). the only people that might have met under different circumstances is haru (most likely through school at traverson hall - she feels like the type to encourage ren to go for music instead of city planning actually) and futaba (i cannot separate these two not blood related siblings). anyway maybe they don't find answers but they find each other at least !!

Thieves Notes

ren was on track to become a city planner but an incident made him change his mind- i have yet to figure out what this incident is because red's bio doesn't say anything about it but i'll be interesting to see how it made him select music and linguistics. aside from personal interest in music, i think he uses music to navigate his feelings and respond to events in cloudbank, which in turn resonates with the citizens of cloudbank. otherwise, he's a great performer on stage, but rather quiet and elusive off stage, especially after an altercation at one of his performances. he's been working on his most recent album after an hiatus.

the game (or at least the wiki ) suggests unknown is not a registered citizen so considering goro is an orphan...i'm sure there's some shido reasons here that i haven't figured out. i also considered making his past in reference to henter jallaford for the "detective" reference but not sure how it would work since henter "disappears" so i just scrapped it. i did think it would be funny if makoto and him worked at the same precinct - they'll get on each others' nerves but will respect and work extremely well together. anyway, at the moment he's just a mysterious man with no records who bodyguards ren hehe

considering there is a specific role in transistor of someone literally painting the skies - yusuke!!! he is very content painting the skies and takes requests - until he receives a very specific request that inspires him enough to break the law and is now banned for a specific amount of time from skypainting. cue internal struggles on what is his purpose in life now. meeting ren helps him realize he can do art in other ways, which is why he ends up doing the art direction for ren's music

ann could've been a model but a lot of the characters in transistor are "creators" in some way so i thought it would be interesting if she was a designer like her parents. maybe something like not being taken seriously because she has her designer parents backing her designs and she wants to make it on her own. another idea i wanted to explore was the concept of going to the country. citizens in cloudbank just all agree that's where you go after a period of time. but even if you are ready, are others ready for you to go? so have shiho as ann's fashion muse that recently decided she completed her life to the fullest and went to the country. my girl is strong so she will be ok!!!

ryuji is a retired athlete! i based him off olmarq but i am not sure if i want to make the reason for his retirement simply a bad injury or if i should follow closer to olmarq's canon background. either way he did have to leave his career behind. he gets a little lost but finds his way. ryuji becomes a broadcaster because he can be close to the sports industry but found people enjoyed listening to his commentary on the events in cloudbank. he seems to be very good at collecting rumours because of this. he should be careful not to know too much though.

makoto's the truth seeker in this au as she's a detective. in the game there's a string of disappearances in which she is trying to figure out but can't solve. as we know the central administration took the northwestern edge of goldwalk offline and evacuated the residents because of the disappearances but she's still very suspicious. she is investigating this case, but finds no answers (or not yet at least).

futaba basically works for the central administration as an archivist. internet search tells me an archivist's job is to acquire, appraise, arrange, describe, preserve and facilitate access to records that have ongoing and permanent value. i find that very interesting to the transistor lore - it means she's privy to a lot of secretive information. i took a lot of inspiration from asher kendrell who was piecing the history of cloudbank but him being fed up because it made no sense the more he dug into it. she's young and with great talents!! most likely she has a hunch but may be staying quiet until she has allies- will she ever get to the bottom of it though?

haru is our city planner basically - i thought of p5s with mariko for this haha. haru's based off nicola chein's profile in transistor mostly word for word so not much to say!!

mona is just a cat in my doodles but maybe i can figure out a better role for him aside from sneaky cat futaba uses to spy on things

Camerata Notes

sumi is sybil in this au (probably guessed it because of her role). i think about how sybil became infatuated with red's music first before red as a person. the music itself must have spoken to her - maybe sumire felt comforted about her feelings towards her sister through ren's music? sumire is my baby girl so i am like somewhat upset putting her in this role but i also think it could suit her very well. her ella persona also reminds me of process!sybil too haha

i also??? have this extremely vague but convoluted idea that the city of cloudbank only knows of the existence of a "sumi yoshizawa" and not that there is actually a kasumi yoshizawa and a sumire yoshizawa. why there are two? mostly because sybil is considered to be the life of the party and i think it suits kasumi more? (though i feel sumire can be just as fun if not for her sister lol). perhaps kasumi decided her time was up and she accomplished all she wanted and decided to go to the country and sumire took up the mantle because sumire didn't choose her selections yet but kasumi did??? just my random incomprehensible thoughts

i have no idea who should really be in the camerata aside from sumire. our classic evil antag shido (and the rest of the antags like madarame, etc) feels so wrong here. in my head i think the lineup would be maruki, zenkichi, ichinose, and sumire just because they were written as somewhat antagonistic but not like, evil evil. who would be who though... hm...

initially i thought royce could be maruki but when i think of ichinose i am like oh, yeah that could also work!!

i also did think the ovc terminals can be based off sophia haha

Other fun stuff

ren regularly performs at multiple locations because i said so. he performs at crossroads and jazz jin regularly but his big performances are at the canonical location: the empty set in cloudbank. lala and muhen beef it out on trying to get ren to sing at their locations exclusively simply because i think it is funny and has no actual impact on anything. i like to think they truce down the road because they can rake in double the income if they just shared ren lmao

ren is called red by fans simply because he wore red and they enjoyed it a little too much on him hehe

goro's chosen weapon is his brass knuckles, but will use weighted-knuckle gloves as part of work protocol. he can also handle a gun because no reason other than sexy.

goro is probably a smoker until he finds out it's bad for singers. not that ren smokes but it's funny to me to make goro reason it out that the second hand smoke hurts his bf's ability to sing.

leblanc replaces junction jans because i said so.

yusuke wears black because it is my stupid joke that creatives who work at an agency generally just end up wearing black all the time. my more poetic reason is that he is just mourning the fact he can't paint the sky anymore

the request yusuke got to paint the sky is actually from ann because she is giving shiho one last gift before she goes to the country (cue my own tears). the game states the sky becomes a "shimmering sapphire for the solstice" so i imagine it's like a pretty night sky? yusuke isn't mad about it because it was his choice to do it but i feel that ann feels very differently. i'm sure they sort it out though ;;;

ren saw that same sky and wrote a song about it. in my head i kept thinking of the words "into the crystalline blue" so that's what the song is called. it's the same song yusuke hears the first time he goes to see ren perform. this is not canon to the transistor game but it's my au so hehe. i have a vision ok. i want to draw some sky meets the sea bs

hilariously i had a note that says mishina and the newspaper girl at shujin should do ren's pr ??? im sure they can work something out with ryuji. but this also insinuates that all the other confidants exist and i have not thought beyond lala, muhen, and sojiro?? like who would iwai be...?

sojiro most likely retired from the central administration. plot potential, but also how far do i want to take this because i think i should just let the poor man retire

makoto definitely has a thing for bikes. i don't think she'd be a racer but i think she tinkers with bikes now and then.

hilariously the game wiki says olmarq is in the same area as red (highrise) so i like to think ren and ryuji are neighbours but only found out when ryuji got locked out of his house by accident. they're big fans of each other so ren invites him inside while he waits for a locksmith. they vibe well together because ryuji is a sweet boy.

haru and ren surely must have suffered through school together. i think it'll be cute if they did part time jobs at leblanc while they were schooling too. i'm sure they trauma bonded through school before ren decided to say maybe i should do music??? and haru is betrayed but she's also the sweetest so she will also encourage him to do music too haha

I saw your transistor au and I'm in love with it 😍 What abilities do you think the thieves would have? Would they be the same as the game or something else? 👀

ehe thank you im glad you enjoy my scribbles about it (i will draw more soon bc brainworms)

for the q - honestly i have not thought that far if we are talking about functions ٩( ᐛ )و

im assuming anyone who has played the game can probably match who i based the thieves on but it only goes so far as who they are in cloudbank and how they contribute to the city as citizens but very loosely. it’s more fun to me to play sandbox pre-transistor events but i digress!!

thinking about it now, im not sure if i want their abilities to stick too closely to the game? for example, i based yusuke off farrah yon dale - because the concept of a skypainter who could not paint anymore is very delicious - but her function switch() doesn’t feel like yusuke? compared to say ryuji where i took some inspo from olmarq and wave tennegan but respectively the function load() and cull() could potentially work for him. open to being convinced though if you have any thoughts ✨

[wenightmareyou]

movie post for AR @alien-romantic !! ✨

okay i feel like my movie taste really does come down to what did i see in theaters that made me define my personality around them for the rest of the week, and i usually have Allergic to Watching Old Movies Disease so most of these are p recent! my movie taste is Also defined by what i saw enough on tumblr that eventually i broke down and watched it and it was actually amazing lol

✨favorite horror movies✨

Jennifer’s Body: THEE movie of all time, it literally has anything i could ever want in a movie: excessively campy dialogue, a plot around making a deal with the devil, a town that’s slightly fucked up, extended metaphors about gender violence but in a palatable PG-13 non-graphic format, Megan Fox going feral and eating boys, a homoerotic friendship where they also kinda hate each other but its mostly bc neither of them can deal with their feelings in the world they were brought up in, and a soundtrack that slaps. Seriously i could probably quote this movie word for word at this point, and like technically its horror but its also really funny and theres not really any jumpscares or anything. Im gonna stop talking about this one bc if i keep going i could write a whole essay but its so good (also i wont elaborate but Jennifers Body and Heathers are sisters, spiritually)

Us: hhhhhhhh this is so good, ik Jordan Peele’s only directed two movies so far but he never misses, like this was genuinely terrifying for me but also raises a lot of Questions and made me think about the implications of it for weeks afterward. It’s about this family vacationing in Santa Cruz, CA at the same time that there’s this planned uprising of doppelgängers all around the US (i cant remember if its the world or just the US? But it makes a lot of commentary about the US in particular so im guessing its just the US). I’ve still only seen it once but the aesthetics are so good, its definitely more on the violent side than Get Out was, but its not too bad (like idk if you’ve seen Midsommar but like. its nowhere near as gory as that lol). I swear i didnt have a fear of doppelgängers before this but between this and tma i sure do now

It (chapter 1): this one is so close to my heart omg 🥺 i associate it super strongly with watching it with friends so thats at least half the reason its a favorite. Also i love horror-comedies so much as a genre, mostly bc i scare easily so its nice to have jokes in between to break the tension and this movie’s hilarious

Cabin in the Woods: i cant say what this one’s about without spoiling it but i’ll say it definitely goes under the same category as It for me, in terms of horror-comedy. Its such a fun deconstruction of horror movie tropes and it gets so insane at the end, like when you watch it you can *tell* it was made in 2011 but like in a good way

Also honorable mention to The Love Witch for sending me into a spiral about what truly is the female gaze/if there can be one definition of that/the relationship between love and violence etc etc basically it’s Extremely Gender. Also not v bloody and doesnt have any jumpscares, and its an aesthetic masterpiece omg

✨favorite comfort movies/romcoms✨

Juno: i dont normally have favorite actors but Elliot Page is my emotional support favorite actor, like idk how to explain it but all of his characters just scream comfort character somehow. Juno has the same screenwriter as Jennifer’s Body so it has a really similar sense of humor, but altogether v wholesome plot about a pregnant teenager and her bff, michael cera. Also highly quotable, and i dont think ive ever watched this without crying, like this is one of those movies where im like love is real actually 🥺💕

Easy A: this movieee!!! Oh my god this movie, its so intensely californian and thats def part of why i like it. Also realizing now a major factor in movies i like is how quotable they are bc this is another one i feel like i quote all the time. Plus theres something so fun about baby Emma Stone living her 80s movie protagonist dream AND doing the “you think i’m a villain? I’ll show you a villain!” trope bc thats always fun

All of twilight but especially the first one: i mean idk what to say, i got brainworms when i was 11 and made twilight my whole personality for like 3 years, then grew out of it, then the twilight renaissance happened and im Back on My Bullshit 😂 i also just like having a purpose for me memorizing everything possible about twilight in middle school so like.... if you ever want any fun twilight facts hit me up (this goes to AR but if you’re not AR and reading this too this also applies lmao im down to talk about twilight any time)

And honorable mention to Scott Pilgrim (okay not a romcom but def a comfort movie), to be fair i havent seen this one all the way through in a looong time but i go back to the most iconic parts a lot

also okay theres def more in this category that i like but my brain is turned off now so i cant remember them 😂

✨ and the best category: movies i hate ❤️ ✨

i feel like i tend not to like movies that feel like they’re trying too hard? Like if i watch something and *instantly* know its trying to be Oscar bait, or if its trying to be camp but like,,., pretentious high end camp. Like anything by Wes Anderson is a hard nope for me, also i saw Gravity in theatres on a whim whenever that came out and it just didnt click for me at all. (Also okay The Love Witch kiiiind of checks the boxes for this but its still a fave)

Also okay this movie isnt any of those things but i still dont like it: It Chapter 2! I feel so bad cause It chapter 1 was so good and created this huge hype for the sequel for me, but the plot just went off the fucking rails. Sure we got bill hader being in love with his childhood best friend which spawned the whole Reddie craze on here for awhile..... but that came at the price of naked old ladies being used for shock value and whatever the hell was going on with Pennywise being an alien/god/something??? Like if the book is like this i know i couldn’t get through it, i was laughing my way through the whole movie but like, laughing (derogatory)

I feel like this section just became a reason to dunk on It Ch 2 but honestly the only other sequel i can think of that betrayed me like that was Endgame 😂

Also unrelated but while im still on the topic of movies i dont like/my hot takes: 10 Things I Hate About You was too sexist for me enjoy, i see it hyped on here a lot and im like ??? yall that did not age well 😭 but tbf i still like Mean Girls so we all have our things 😂

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

[enderwalk]

hoo boy im deciding to share all my dream smp headcanons with you guys because i keep infodumping to the same three people and i want to be one of the cool kids on here that has cool ideas about different dsmp characters. under the cut because i tend to ramble too much!! im just gonna start with a techno headcanon that’s currently giving me and my friends brainworms <3

i was making a technoblade playlist earlier, and while adding different songs i came across survival song // ajj and came up with this idea. i’m taking inspiration from pyrrhic_geese’s animatics of techno losing control while sparring with wilbur, and the concept of techno feeling guilty for the red festival from safe haven on ao3! i didn’t take this concept from them word for word, but they definitely gave me some ideas

if you’re unfamiliar with the song, the first verse ( and i was possessed by something quite unfriendly / and i was haunted by demons in my sleep ) awoke an idea in me. what if technoblade got possessed by the Blood God when he went into battle or felt threatened or pressured?  i KNOW that the “possession” that the song references is just about hateful emotions taking over but what if techno actually gets possessed by the blood god when he starts sparring and then he just cant control it.

i haven’t entirely thought out how the pact would happen, but @sunflowerseraph came up with the idea that one of his family members gets hurt, and he wasn’t able to protect them, and as a piglin hybrid (another headcanon i’d love to get into) he has this innate need to fight and protect his family since piglins have to defend themselves in the nether.

like thinking abt the concept of techno losing control when he used to spar w wilbur and like. maybe he made a pact with the blood god at a young age so he could defend himself and his family … but it possesses him whenever he feels threatened or pressured and just ends up killing everyone he sees like at the red festival. he would have little to no memory of getting possessed either, just to add more spice.

in safe haven, the fic is mainly about tubbo moving far away from manburg after the red festival and his friends and family visiting him. in one chapter techno got fatally injured in the woods between manburg and tubbo’s new home, and tubbo actually took him to his new home to help him heal because even if techno killed him, he still forgave him and understood the situation? but this fic also kept the canon fact that everyone has three lives, and techno didnt know that tubbo was on his LAST life, right? bc tubbo never told anyone but tommy that he only had one life left. in the chapter tubbo let techno heal in his house even if he was still really scared of him, and tommy shows up and is FURIOUS that techno is there and starts shouting at him and mentions that bc of techno, tubbo is on his last life and techno’s just CRUSHED. like he’s just extremely guilty and heartbroken that he’s the reason that tubbo’s on his last life and im just thinking abt the idea of techno literally blacking out and getting possessed by this blood god and not having any memory of the people he kills, so he has to deal with the consequences of this blood god that takes over.

[musherum]

ugh

nsfw and trigger warning: dehumanization beneath the cut. its a long post. id like it if you did the like-if-you-read thing.

so i was looking up some resources for trans women and i found this dumb twitter account that posted like, stupid lil nsfw trans woman memes. and like okay im normally very hesitant to approach shit like this but ive been trying to ~reclaim my sexuality~ and be less dictated by fear or w/e recently. so i figured, who knows, maybe there’ll be a goof or two thatll make me feel a little better about my body and stuff. may as well try. Whats The Worst That Could Happen

so i look thru it and theres the usual upsetting stuff. yknow, blah blah sub, blah blah dom, blah blah tie me up and fuck me. but im becoming increasingly numb and jaded, and so since i had my guard up to a certain extent when i went into this, that doesnt faze me so much. its gross, and i dont like it, and its repulsive to me on an ethical level, but im not like... having a panic attack. so i keep scrolling

But, Then.

things got, like... really extreme. really fast. and my guard wasnt up nearly enough, it turns out. and so i end up down the rabbit hole.

did you know, that theres apparently an entire subculture online of women, especially trans women, fantasizing about having their names taken away, being given a numeral code to identify them, and being turned into interchangeable sexual “drones?” did you know that this intersects heavily with “hypnosis” fetishism through which a person is conditioned to become sexually pliant and unresisting, as well as latex fetishism through which a person’s body is made to be an object sans any distinguishable features? do you know relatively prominent trans personalities on twitter support and interact with accounts that promote these fetishes?

ask me how i know.

its shit like THIS - not the disrespect i get from others, not the shame i feel when i dont pass, not the awkward family interactions - that genuinely makes me question whether transitioning was a correct choice. its not the shit i get from other people or my own self loathing. its the fucking brainworms that a lot of trans women seem to have been stuck with, the toxic, fucked up way the trans woman community seems to ALWAYS interact with sex and love.

other trans women online, ive noticed, love to tout themselves as radical, woke agents. but then as soon as they hit the porn shit, they just fucking switch their brains off. trans women are generally not dumb. they can analyze down to the atomic level how various interactions in their every day life are rigged to favor the rich, to favor men, to favor white people, to favor the able bodied, to favor neurotypicals.

but as soon as it comes to “““erotic””“ content, they just refuse to take even a single step into criticism. they refuse to take even a cursory glance at the ideas they are planting into their brains and replicating and broadcasting, the people that are benefitting from these “ironic” sexual ideologies of subjugation and objectification, the power structures that they are upholding. they just forget that things have consequences. and all their standards of “woke”ness just go out of the fucking window. “no, not this, dont criticize THIS aspect of society!! i can understand broad sweeping societal restructuring, i can understand ending wage slavery, i can understand destroying racism and misogyny. but the second you ask me to stop replicating those dynamics during sex, now THATS a step too far!”

these kinds of fetishes prime subjects for a life under a kind of dystopian hyper-capitalism. a world where human beings are literally reduced to objects, to commodities. in literally any other situation, the tolerance of ideas like these would be grounds for community expulsion. in any other situation, trans women would be up in arms about behaivoural trends that idealize things like dehumanization, objectification, or the annihilation of sexual agency. but as soon as its “just a kink” (as if we can adequately seperate ANY parts of our lives from the whole), it seems like trans women practically line up to be put under the boot of totalitarian ideology. as soon as its “just a kink,” trans women turn themselves into the forerunners of these ideologies. ladies, a question:

what the fuck is wrong with us?

i am a transgender woman. and i would not ever be happy trying to live as a man again. but shit like this? really, really makes me wish i could live that way. cause listen: i live in a puny fucking city. and if i have trouble finding communities on the world wide web that are free from this memetic romanticization of sexual abuse and violence, if i can barely find two or three trans women on all of the internet who dont fetishize the kind of shit that would make serial killers blush - how the fuck am i ever supposed to live my life? without just fucking giving in? as a trans woman, as an activist, as a survivor, as a person with ethical fucking standards? how the fuck am i ever supposed to find a safe community with people like me?

when the choice is either, “become okay with sexual violence, or else be alone forever:” where, pray tell, is the consent you talk so much about, my good bitches?

fed the fuck up.

[enderwalk]

hoo boy im deciding to share all my dream smp headcanons with you guys because i keep infodumping to the same three people and i want to be one of the cool kids on here that has cool ideas about different dsmp characters. under the cut because i tend to ramble too much!! im just gonna start with a techno headcanon that’s currently giving me and my friends brainworms <3

i was making a technoblade playlist earlier, and while adding different songs i came across survival song // ajj and came up with this idea. i’m taking inspiration from pyrrhic_geese’s  animatics of techno losing control while sparring with wilbur, and the concept of techno feeling guilty for the red festival from safe haven on ao3! i didn’t take this concept from them word for word, but they definitely gave me some ideas

if you’re unfamiliar with the song, the first verse ( and i was possessed by something quite unfriendly / and i was haunted by demons in my sleep ) awoke an idea in me. what if technoblade got possessed by the Blood God when he went into battle or felt threatened or pressured?  i KNOW that the "possession" that the song references is just about hateful emotions taking over but what if techno actually gets possessed by the blood god when he starts sparring and then he just cant control it. 

i haven’t entirely thought out how the pact would happen, but @sunflowerseraphcame up with the idea that one of his family members gets hurt, and he wasn’t able to protect them, and as a piglin hybrid (another headcanon i’d love to get into) he has this innate need to fight and protect his family since piglins have to defend themselves in the nether. 

like thinking abt the concept of techno losing control when he used to spar w wilbur and like. maybe he made a pact with the blood god at a young age so he could defend himself and his family ... but it possesses him whenever he feels threatened or pressured and just ends up killing everyone he sees like at the red festival. he would have little to no memory of getting possessed either, just to add more spice. 

in safe haven, the fic is mainly about tubbo moving far away from manburg after the red festival and his friends and family visiting him. in one chapter techno got fatally injured in the woods between manburg and tubbo’s new home, and tubbo actually took him to his new home to help him heal because even if techno killed him, he still forgave him and understood the situation? but this fic also kept the canon fact that everyone has three lives, and techno didnt know that tubbo was on his LAST life, right? bc tubbo never told anyone but tommy that he only had one life left. in the chapter tubbo let techno heal in his house even if he was still really scared of him, and tommy shows up and is FURIOUS that techno is there and starts shouting at him and mentions that bc of techno, tubbo is on his last life and techno's just CRUSHED. like he's just extremely guilty and heartbroken that he's the reason that tubbo's on his last life and im just thinking abt the idea of techno literally blacking out and getting possessed by this blood god and not having any memory of the people he kills, so he has to deal with the consequences of this blood god that takes over.