#no bs just great music and thats what it all should be about

[automatic-overdrive]

Well, it happened, I saw AB again June the third in Tilburg and what can I say? It was awesome. Yes, my little recap is a little late but I also had Gojira on the agenda the next Tuesday, wild week. So yeah as I'm currently suffering in front of a ventilator to bat off the heat, if you do want to hear my thoughts feel free to read further!

I arrived a little bit later at the venue than I originally planned - lets say a good 30 minutes - due to construction and Google maps not knowing what to make of that BUT at last I arrived, about three and a half hours before the doors opened, and there where only about 10 other people in line so lucky me!

I'll fast forward through the boring sitting in line in the sun on the curb turning my ass into mush, though I did get to chat with some amazing people. AB fans are the best. There were about 20 people with VIP tickets, so a spot at the rail was out of the question - also I wanted to get a shirt before the gig started because I would miss my train home if I hung around too long afterwards - but once the doors opened and I secured a tour tee, I managed to land in-between 3/4 row at the front. Sweet! (Thanks great grandfathers who gave me long legs so I could powerwalk as fast as possible. Security didn't want us to run you see.)

Mammoth WVH opened once again and they kicked ass! There were some sound issues during the first few songs, so Wolfie's voice and the guitars were kinda muddled, but that got fixed real quick and it was a great set. The crowd got pretty into it.

Mammoth's setlist;

Mammoth

Mr. Ed

Epiphany

Like a Pastime

Stone

Distance

You're to Blame

Another Celebration at the End of the World

Don't Back Down

You're to Blame was my personal favorite, a real stomper live! And be sure to check out their latest singles if you haven't already.

And then it was happening. The lights dimmed for a second time after waiting around for few and though the majority of the people around me were already in great mood, you could really feel the crowd come to life. Are there going to be more puns in here? Probably because I can't help myself ha.

I stood smack-dab in the middle, with no tall concert goers in front of me, so I had a perfect view when AB took the stage. This would have been the perfect opportunity to take some pictures but me being me, well, I'm always way too swept up in the moment and the music to even think about taking out my phone haha.

Anyhow, here's AB's set list and I'll just go through the moments that stood out to me or I will be rambling for the upcoming hours;

Silver Tongue

Addicted to Pain

Ghost of Days Gone By

Broken Wings

Sin After Sin

Coeur D'Alene

Burn it Down

Cry of Achilles

Watch Over You

In Loving Memory

Blackbird

Come to Life

Stay

Isolation

Metalingus

Encore: Rise Today

Slip to the Void will likely be my most favorite opening song ever, but Silver Tongue is a close second. Just hearing that intro riff alone already hypes me up, followed by Addicted to Pain, if anyone in the venue wasn't paying attention already they sure do then!

(Warning for some flashing) Video by Dany In Flight [x] If I'm correct in my assumption this was the same lady I spoke briefly to while waiting in line, she came all the way from Italy!

Broken Wings was beautiful and hearing Sin After Sin again was a treat. The biggest surprise for me however was hearing Coeur D'Alene. COEUR D'ALENE. Yes, I was aware AB pulled this one out of the box during their US tour, but man I'm so happy they played it in Tilburg as well. ABIII is my favorite AB album so this was very special to me.

Myles took a little break and Mark took over the vocal duties for Burn it Down and he absolutely crushed it. You go Mark 💜

Video by _josdecross [x]

After the amazing Cry of Achilles, it was time to get emotional with a triple kick to the face. I'm not ashamed to say my waters were rising a little when Myles serenaded the crowd with Watch Over You, followed by In Loving Memory and then, of course, Blackbird. Boi, if I ever have kids or grandkids, I will make sure that song gets passed on down because it will never get old. What a masterpiece.

The emotional portion of the concert quickly got pushed aside by the energetic Come to Life, another all time favorite of mine (and the crowd, from what I could hear haha). A fan had requested earlier if AB could play Stay that night, and they did! Which was very sweet.

What followed were the bangers Isolation and of course Metalingus - were we all obediently went down on our knees (I fell over a few times because my legs were pretty fried at that point lol) for the classic "jump up and down like a kangaroo during the breakdown".

We got treated with Rise Today as the encore - chanting "we want more" with the crowd likely doesn't have any effect whatsoever but I like to think that it does haha.

And then it was over. Is there a thing such as post-concert depression? Man those hours went by quick. Picks were thrown out, setlists in the form of paper-planes; the usual mayhem. I'm terrible at catching anything because I'm always afraid I'll get accidentally socked in the face. There did however bounce something off my shoulder, which I assumed was a pick from Brian because a millisecond later the guy standing next to me snatched it from the ground. Better luck next time, but thanks Brian lol. And then the drumsticks were flying and I took cover once more.

Going to concerts is still new territory for me and even though it was only the second time I saw AB live, being a big fan aside, they killed it. What a band. What an amazing, talented bunch of musicians. The crowd was having a blast and AB too seemed to really enjoy and revel in the energy. Even Myles commented at one point "There's always a great vibe when we play here." My voice was gone from loudly singing along to all the songs and I probably slept for about 12 hours the next day.

Compared to the first time I saw them in Amsterdam last year December at the Ziggo Dome, I prefer this gig with the smaller venue. As much as I love that AB gets to play bigger venues in Europe, selfish me wish they could stick to smaller ones like the 013 in Tilburg.

Here's a pic of the fabulous tour tee that I scored;

I've been a fan for over 14 years now and to be able to see my favorite band live two times in the span of only 7 months is crazy lucky to me. If you have the opportunity to see them, do it! You won't regret it.

Thanks AB for the beautiful music and I hope to catch them again on their next album cycle!

[safety-pin-punk]

Hiya!

I'm sort of a puppy punk I think and I haven't found any local punk stuff to go to n learn abt it irl, but from what I've found online, most people say that the music is the most important part of being a punk? Or like, if you don't listen to the music you're not really punk. Or at least that's the impression I got? I find the typical punk music overwhelming though, and don't listen to much bc of that, but I'm curious: what defines punk music? And is it such a music based subculture that you can't participate without the music?

- 🌇

Hmmmmmm. I know a decent number of people are going to disagree with my stance on this. And they are entitled to their own opinions. So take that into consideration as you make up your own mind about it.

While punk certainly is a music based subculture, I don't think you NEED to listen to punk music to be a punk. And I'm going to explain why.

First and foremost, what is punk music? Great question. Its also a kind of a hard question to answer. I cant really explain a specific sound. Because The Ramones, Green Day, and Misfits are all considered punk. And they all sound SO different. So what is it that ties punk music together? Content. Values. Statements.

Punk music doesnt rely on skill, it evolved from garage rock bands of the 60s. Punk music is for any and everyone who wants to make it. But its the lyrics that are important to it. Popular punk songs, both old and modern, all have lyrics that reflect punk values. Thats it. Thats the only real, definitive answer I can give you on what punk music is.

And part of that is because genres blur. A lot. I should know. I DJ and part of that job is knowing what songs are good 'inbetween' songs as I transition between genres sounds. For example: Rage Against The Machine. When you look up what genre music they make, you get rap metal, rap rock, alt metal. But we can all look at what their music says and go 'thats punk!'. Despite the Ramones being one of the most popular punk bands of the 70s, some people argue that they aren't punk, but proto-punk.

My point is, when it comes to defining a genre AND making it a requirement to be a part of a community, the only thing it will lead to is arguing over whether or not a band is 'punk enough' to count. And thats just too much bs for me to care about to be honest.

On top of that, while punk IS a music based subculture. There is more to it than just music. Because its a CULTURE. Cultures are not limited to simply music. Sure, thats how it started, but its grown SO much in the last 50 some years. Its a lifestyle filled with its own values now. DIY, anti-authoritarianism, anti-government, zines, jackets. I can go on. But this is already going to be a long post.

My point is simply that there is so much more that we should be worried about than music. And if we as a community put so much focus on listening to the right music rather than every other piece of culture that we have built up and been handed down, then we risk losing it all. You can have 'punk' music all you want, but whats the point when we aren't worried about preserving anything else? We'll just end up with a bunch of sell-out bands with no real substance.

And at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I could care less about the music that someone else listens to. I'd rather hangout with someone that cares about the values and culture. I'd rather be with someone who doesn't trust the cops and wants to DIY things. I'd rather keep company with someone who cares about all those things than someone who doesn't give two shits about punk values but listens to Discharge anyway.

[bvannn]

Weekly Update September 13 2024

So I’m a different kind of sick today, it’s a normal cold instead of my weird congenial bs. Today is day 2 of the cold so it’s at its worst and i should be better tomorrow but I will most likely be playing games. Im a bit worried if I’m going to get that WOTW video done by my deadline of Halloween, but I have a plan.

Other than visual arts I have been working on music a bit as well, mainly finishing up vocals for BATB and the redo of WOTW. If you see me forget to capitalize the word i in this post that’s why, I’ve been doing it on mobile because the mobile editor is great. BATB is so close to done and I’m so excited because that one means the most to me, and i think it sounds the best so far as well. I don’t know if I’ll sit on it at all once it’s done or just drop it right away and do a video another time. I’m considering doing that with some of the songs I’m sitting on but I want to at least get a cover for them done.

Also some good melody writing and planning my secondary comic, since that one has more to do with music (although music is still very central to both). Decent amount of progress on the O’Malley comics as well, I’m getting faster which is great, it’s almost a third done now! I would work on it tonight but am sick.

WOTW and OEB videos: I’m getting back into the swing of animation and have a plan to speed up the frame-by-frame stuff that’s left for WOTW. I have an idea for how to shade as well but i think I’ll leave that to be tested in a smaller project. Really not a lot to say other than it is coming along.

Epithet TTRPG: i got another map done but unfortunately thats kinda it. Some more NPC designs too, but no actual tokens. I have a few tokens half finished but again i need to stop being sick in order to work on them. It’s coming along though i was more worried about maps than anything else.

Next week we ball, I’m being considered now for three different job positions in the field i want to go into, hoping i can snag one soon, but for now I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing.

[nar-nia]

hi!!

im finally not that busy so i came here to scream about to so many things!!!!!!!!!!!

1. i read jay, jake and hoon posts for the comeback event u had going on!! they were lovely!!! a bit cheeky at times too!! but overall i loved them, and im sorry i didn't tell u earlier but again i went on tumblr to read them cuz i knew u will be posting them and had to close the app seconds after i finished cuz life is no so yay !! anyhow  yes!! they were great tho <33 

2.OMG OOGMERIOFDJFWNFDSVUHJBSN THE ALBUM WAS AMAZING??? i'm absolutely speechless,  it was astonishing !!!!! im pissed tho that fate is only like half a song :((( rip queen BUT bills and chaconne ???? WOW JUST WOW, the music video was fantastic too (i'm actually considering going to that castle (where they filmed it) myself cuz it looked beautiful and so did the boys!!!, the vocals on this album were amazing, !!!! album of the year , no skips!! they did so good!!!so which one is ur fav track? ^^

ALSO HEE LOOKED SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD??? and his dance with the backup dancer was soooooo hot!! which bring us to :

3. i saw so many kfans crying over the choreography like wtf!!!! i loved it!! it ATE, it suits the title track sooo well, its crazy!! and everybody put so much work into it, its not fair that people are reacting like that - instant annoyance :(((( i loved it tho its fun, its exciting, its SEXYYY (Sexhee!!!!) ………. literally get a life and a job, go outside, touch some grass, i hope the female dancers are okay too :(( and the boys :(( man i hope they know they are loved and we are proud of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

4. i hope the stuff u had/have for uni is going well!!!! i love     uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! 

5. look at him!!!

https://twitter.com/ihs_heeseung/status/1660965508341207043?s=20

          thats my sexy vamp boyfie <3 ← this how u should be delusional ^^ !!! its fun!! if u dont overdo it weirdos!!! wrr 

                              -beloved anonie, i hope ure doing okay and enjoying the album and life as u should <3 omg this is so long lmao

hello hellooo 🩷🩷

1. thank youuu 🥺 i'm glad you liked it, i hope it could give you some distraction and rest <33 are you okay? 🥺

2. THE ALBUM. i know i claimed bills at first but somehow it slipped to the last place now.. it's just all so good 🥹 bite me is constantly stuck in my head from all the streaming and stuff, but i don't mind 🤭 and sacrifice is giving me so many ideas for stories.. soon 🤞🏻so i'd say those are definitely my favorites. but it's so amazing and they really get better with every comeback, i love them so much. and the fact that they were included in the whole process of making the album and the mv?? wow.

but yes, fate deserves to be a full song 🥹 maybe someday.. and you should definitely visit the castle if you can!! and what are your favorites?

3. i have no words for k-engenes anymore. sometimes i feel delulu but this is a whole new level and i cannot grasp how they could do so much bs to people they supposedly love. enhypen deserves so much better and i hope the boys (and dancers too!) know how much we love the whole choreo and album. i hope in a few years we can all laugh about the truck war for example because for now i'm just sad that it was even necessary

4. i was about to say we're moving on to happier stuff but uni.. well 😶 my thesis is actually going well rn, i hope to finish it by the end of the week (the writing at least) and then i have two weeks left for making changes! wish me luck please, i'll need it. i'm getting too distracted with enha rn..

but how are things going for you? sounds like it's very stressful rn, i hope that will stop soon 🥺 i love you too and wish you all the best for it 🩷

5. i-

i-

beloved anonie somehow we have the same boyfriend i fear. (HOW DOES HE LOOK SO GOOD IT'S UNFAIR)

i love you tooo 🩷🩷 and i hope you're doing okay too, you deserve it so so much

[prettybutter-flyy]

I had a revalation.

I was listening to Panic! At the Disco (true panic! Not just brendon urie.) And it took me back to my thoughts from around the first times i heard those songs on Vices and Virtues. It just had me thinking of the boys i had crushed on that i was too scared to talk to or that knew i liked them and wouldn't ever even look at me.

I was such a good kid. I deserved a lot more than what i asked for and a lot more than what i took for myself. But thats qhat happens when you put yourself and your identity in a ball and throw it in the corner. There were so many outside factors that contributed to my feeling completely worthless about myself: my abusive music teacher and nepotistic drama teacher both contributed to making me feel talentless and like i had nothing to offer the world artistically. My shitty history teacher and even my friends sometimes making me feel just so stupid. My mom making me feel small and like my voice never mattered and it didnt help having to throw half my shit away so i could share a room w my sister during hard times. My absent father not showing me how i should expect men to treat me. The boys who would literally not look me in the eyes...

And despite all that bullshit i was still coaching myself on how to function properly, still got As and Bs, still did my hobbies and made friends and even set myself up pretty decently for after high school.

Its always just been me and me. And i deserve credit for raising myself for a lot of time (my mom was around and took care of us but i couldnt really go to her for social help... its complicated) but yeah. Fuck the boys i liked that wouldnt give me the time of day (i get it i was actually kinda weird back then lol, i dont really blame them but still) i was a great kid and i was funny and smart and very very talented.

I wish i knew it then but its good that i know it now.

[faithinthefuture28]

Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker). 

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song. 

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy.  I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back). 

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and  response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean). 

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about). 

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do). 

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives. 

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together. 

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home. 

 2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you. 

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door,  hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me 

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H 

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER 

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy 

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person? 

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28 

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”. 

[eury-dice3]

Real life Marauders

There are 4 boys who are in my grade who are best friends who remind me of the marauders. Each of their personalities match up almost perfectly, and since I haven’t seen them in a while I thought I’d write down some stories about them. Here’s a little introduction to each of the un official marauders:

James Potter: the one I’m probably closest to. He is so unbelievably dumb, but also kind of smart?? He’s so funny and he doesn’t even realize it, and sometimes he just goes on and on and you just can tell that the others just aren’t listening because “oh, it’s James.” He’s in my English and Math class

Sirius Black: extremely good looking, with long dark hair. Don’t know much about him, other than the fact that he’s best friends with James, Remus, and Peter. He has more common sense than James but still is immature. Flirts with me and [Marlene] in math.

Remus Lupin: The one I know the least, but have the most classes with. We have English, History, Science, and Math together, and seeing him with different members of the marauders is very funny. He’s rather quiet and super smart, but once he’s sitting with his friends his filter comes off. Overall very sweet.

Peter Pettigrew: In my LA class. Super sweet and really funny, and very close to the other boys. He’s pretty clever and fun to sit with, but mostly follows James’ lead. Very nice.

And now here are some stories that I have:

Math:

- The first encounter I had with James and Sirius was when they sat at a table with my good friend who I recognize as Marlene. I was talking to her, when all of a sudden James asked me “do you have a spare binder? I messed mine up” and showed me his completely destroyed binder. Conveniently I did so I gave it to him. The first thing he did was put his hand behind the plastic cover and poke holes through it with his pencil.

- Whenever we had group work time in math, Remus and I would pull up extra desks and sit with James, Sirius, and Marlene. We wouldn’t do any work.

- before a math test, James made up some stupid analogy about alligators to help him remember something??

- during the same test, the teacher walked out of the room, and the events were as followed: Marlene didn’t know what she was doing so Sirius took her test and was looking at it. James and I were trying to figure out wtf was going on and we were equally as lost, so I began to cheat off of him. When the teacher walked back in, Sirius threw Marlene’s paper back at her and it was so hard not to laugh. We didn’t get caught. When we got the tests back, I got a 97%, and James got a 63%. He almost got us caught when he said to me, “but you cheated off of me??!!”

- James was copying my math notes because he had missed a day. Sirius, who often messed with James paper (ex: ripping holes in his paper with his pencil, scribbling on it, etc), squirted chocolate milk all over my notes. When he realized it was mine, he wouldn’t stop apologizing.

- I let James and Sirius copy my stuff just so long as they let me explain it to them so they can do it on their own.

- James and I were arguing about what colors each subject was (English is RED!!! And math is BLUE). Sirius was genuinely confused that subjects had colors??? And the argument got really heated until Remus pointed out James was colorblind so obviously he was wrong >:(

- Sirius tries to coach James with his math work, but gets frustrated super fast with him, so I have to be the one to do it.

- Since no one else was doing their work other than Remus and I, I turned to him and asked whag he got for one of them to see if I did it right, and he ignored me. He later apologized because he thought I was just trying to copy him like James and Sirius always do.

- James did something loud and disruptive in the middle of a lesson, then blamed it on Remus. Remus mouthed “ill kill you” over and over to James. It took everything we had to stop Marlene and I from bursting out laughing.

- James likes to show me Bigfoot videos

- when our desks are put in rows for tests, when they all walk in, they all sprint to get any seat other than the front. James usually ends up sitting front row, which means that whoever’s behind him will tickle him.

- James got a text from a random number who was claiming to be some woman. We were joking and said it was sex trafficking, and Sirius said “who’d want James??” And Remus said “Id sex traffic James.”

- our teacher lets us sit together but we have to sit right in front of his desk :(

- whenever Marlene and I get in trouble for talking, we always get fake disappointed looks from Sirius and ESPECIALLY James.

English:

- I sat at a table for a while with James, Remus, and Peter. And what. A. Time.

- we were pretty rowdy all the time and never got our work done, but since I was the teachers favorite I never got in trouble.

- our teacher would get angry at our whole group and yell at us, then just apologize to me later, which drove James absolutely crazy.

- I catch James staring at me and giving me funny looks often in class, so when I ask what he wants he just waves his hands and looks away like he did nothing wrong.

- Peter is very sweet on the outside but that boy can talk some SH!T!!! Our English teacher is insane so whenever she isn’t looking he would make fun of her

- they spent an entire class period trying to touch their thumbs to their wrists (none of them could) and when I showed them I could, they all lost it. I didn’t think it was that strange??

- we have to write down what we’re greatful for at the beginning of every class, and I always ask James what to write. He gets this far off look in his eyes and always gives me something dumb like “tin foil” or “white crayons.” I always take his suggestion.

-one time James wrote down “substitute teachers” and shared it to the class one day, and got in trouble for it. He got a detention for “insulting a teacher.”

- Remus and I tell James and Peter all of the answers to questions because they never read the assigned books.

- I’m pretty sure James doesn’t know how to read??

- I’m kidding (maybe?)

-Remus and I get into arguments with our English teacher because she doesn’t know anything??? Any time she says anything factually incorrect (which is a lot) we both immediately give eachother a look and raise our hands.

- The three of them were blasting some music out of their earbuds during work time. Our teacher asked what was happening, and James said “Rap music. It helps with learning Shakespeare, did you know? It’s like Mozart and classical music, but there’s actually really cool studies about it you should look up.” Thats bs.

- we had a timed writing and Remus and I took turns getting eachother extra pages. James and Peter were horrified when we were on our 4th and 5th pages and they were still outlining.

- James snaps his fingers when he’s trying to remember something

- we had to perform Shakespeare scenes in groups, and I can not remember why they did this?? But Remus ended up spitting water all over Peter in front of the class.

- we were reading life of pi, and I overheard James say “You know at the end of naked and afraid how they give the survival ratings? Pi would be an 8.4 at LEAST” and the other two completely ignored him. I thought it was funny.

- Marlene was doing Valengrams, and she came outside of our classroom and tried to wave to me. I didn’t see, but James did, and overly enthusiastically waved back, which caused the teacher to yell at him.

- overheard peter say “You ever seen penguins of Madagascar? how did that make sense?” And James enthusiastically agreed.

- Remus gives them snacks

Extra:

- James pushes me in the hallway just because he’s taller than me >:(

- James also likes to show off. We were walking to the library when he started bragging about how he could touch the ceiling (since they’re super high up), so I told him to prove it. He could, but he ended up breaking one of the ceiling tiles. We ran.

- While Remus’ legs are the longest, Sirius and James get insecure about it and spread their legs as far as they can. Sitting across from them is a nightmare because their legs are always in ur personal space.

- where there are marauders, there’s a Snape. Marlene and I have a group chat with him in it and other people, but we also have one without him. One day, while we’re all standing there, Marlene texts the wrong group chat (with him in it) “[SEVERUS] JUST FARTED. IT WAS WET. I HEARD IT.”

- she felt bad for a moment, but when I told her she should probably apologize, she said “why? he did.”

- I have to ask Remus for help in science sometimes and he’s always eager to help.

- we had an online discussion in English, and Peter spoke once, Remus asked a few good questions, and James didn’t even show up.

- I miss them all dearly bc school is cancelled because of COVID :(

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 36

time travel arccccccccccccc yessssssssss

I have been waiting SO LONG to reread this arc hhhhh yessss

starting off strong with the sexy roller cover. nice

I love the disconnect of ‘orion pax: outlaw’ compared to the last time we saw him in shadowplay where he was orion pax: supercop

he’s still punching people for JUSTICE or whatever so I guess not much has changed

oh my god this is the issue with the many many two-page spreads...the first time I read this issue I didn't realize that was a thing and GOD I was SO fucking confused. there's already a lot going on in this issue/arc but this made things so much worse hvbhjkdfbsk. I powered thru and still managed to understand most of the arc despite reading half this issue out of order (essentially) bc the website I read it on split the pages up and I couldn't tell they were supposed to be doubled (and also I'm dumb so I didn't figure it out)

anyways, the actual issue...windcharger is out here using his powers to rip a dudes arms clean off. wow!

and there's skids getting punched in the face. Ls

and glitch! a totally minor character of course...

MANNNNN I SO adore the panel of all the lost lighters appearing in a cloud of purple smoke, all posing epically....SO fucking good, peak sci-fi coolness vibes, A++

as usual jro killing it w/the titles, ‘elegant chaos’ is such a great name for a time travel arc

also reading the tfwiki has shown me that many of jros titles are song or album titles, to which I say - that's epic and I love it. with jro doing it, I feel like it straddles the line between referencing music and the very fanfic-esque ‘title things after music’ vibe. I love it

oh god I forgot they use bs cybertronian time units in this sometimes lmao...I mean of course they do but still like, what the fuck is a cycle. is that a day. I feel like these words all have no meaning/the meanings change drastically depending on continuity. I cant keep up and also I'm lazy and don't care enough to try

I love rodimus did u know

poor riptide looks so confused lmao

IS....IS REWIND PIGGYBACKING TAILGATE...THATS SO FUCKING CUTE....I cant fully tell bc of the page layout but ooomg so precious. minibot buddies

whirl saying ‘chuff’ just reminded me how british jro is hvbhakjhdsfbs sometimes it just Jumps Out in mtmte and I'm like Oh God Britain Is Real

I really like the mtmte approach to time travel and paradoxes and whatnot. its just complex enough to be interesting but not too convoluted that it bogs down the story. perfect sci-fi fun!

mannnn chromedome talking abt brainstorm :( I'm sad abt those two hhhhh

and I love how at this point, nobody in the cast ACTUALLY knows brainstorm well enough to know what he’s really doing - including chromedome, who’s ostensibly his closest friend, somebody he’s known for a while - and even the readers don't really know what he’s up to...I like the mystery tbh

cant believe rewind wrote orion pax’s biography, omg. completely forgot abt that detail

cd saying ‘I love it when he talks history’ about rewind....hhhh I love cdrw so muuuuch

godddd the line rodimus says abt whirl - how they need people like whirl around who are ‘happy to get in the way’ of danger and death - that shit haunts me man like...rodimus is basically saying that he’s bringing whirl along to potentially die in place of someone like orion pax (nevermind the fact that whirl dying would ALSO fuck up the timeline)...like, how deep does it go?? is he saying that bc he knows whirl has been trying to get himself killed for a while now, or just bc whirl likes violence? mannn I cant...the character intricacies...man

anyways...I love rodimus he’s such an interesting character. you have that fucked up moment and then in the next panel he’s saying ‘if you want to call it a time phone, I wont stop you’ about the quantum walkie-talkie. he has the RANGE

oh and then rodimus casually volunteering chromedome to do mnemosurgery on anyone who might accidentally find out about them time traveling, which is again fucked up on multiple levels. the raaaaange

vjaksbhdhfusajbfdjk that panel of the lost light squad just standing there like idiots reminds me of that post where someone said abt that panel ‘these characters have a collective 3 brain cells’ or something hvbjadkfnksfdl

rodimus IMMEDIATELY breaking his own rules by trying to reassure pax that they're good guys by pointing at his autobot badge, even tho the autobots DONT EVEN EXIST YET at this point...my boy PLEASE go purchase some brain cells from the store 

and the fact that rodimus introduced himself to pax w/his real name...shouldn't he go by an alias or st??? that seems like a good time travel rule since optimus and rodimus definitely know each other later 

and like, did they not anticipate that some of the people in the past would recognize some of the lost lighters hgbajkhdjfnjksf like cd and whirl get Instantly recognized...great job guys

they are all SO bad at this hvbahskjdhfbasjkf I cantttt luckily for them the orion crew is handing them easy alibis 

‘the dugout’ is that a baseball reference????

also I love the scenery here, the bg looks like rock but there's metal piping and stuff running thru it, its so cool...really adds to the whole ‘cybertron biomes are made of metal’ thing

‘ancient history’ rodimus are you KIDDING ME-

cyclonus time travels to the past and IMMEDIATELY finds a window to stare broodingly out of. icon

tailgate thinking orion pax is SUPER COOL continues here from shadowplay and I love it...tailgate is so cute

and the tg saying ‘don't you think that's awesome, cyclonus?’ hhhhh so cute

one reason I love this arc so much is that this is the arc where the gay Really amps up 

TRAILBREAKER.... oh man ;_;

are you telling me that this outlaw base they're in has ONE bed for all of these people. what the hell vhbaksjhfnsal

cant believe rung sampled roller’s steroid juice box

also cant believe robot steroids exist. except yes I can and I love it

oooh roller’s a 0/1%er? I forgot abt that 

cant believe orion pax just grabs some random phone that belongs to these weird new people and answers it. WHO does that

goddddd megatron and orion’s conversation....destroy me

HHHHHH like...the HISTORY....the regret...the missed opportunities...its all so palpable....goddddddd

and of COURSE, the whole thing is steeped in tragedy...the ideological differences that will become the foundation for a 4 million year long war...megatron, who believes that you need to burn things down and start again to really make change stick, and then orion, who says ‘reform is the answer, not revolution’....AUGHHH the intricacies. mannnn

‘you sound lost’ 😭😭😭

‘its tragic.’ yeah, that about sums up their relationship, especially at this stage and in this continuity 

anyways. [cries about old man megatron talking to young naïve orion pax] goodbye

AUGHHH and then we jump to rodimus ONCE AGAIN breaking his own rules and trying to save trailbreaker...IT HURTS MAN...god I love rodimus, I feel like him being broken up about crewmembers like trailbreaker dying is one part regular sadness over people he knows dying for tragic reasons, and one part personal guilt at someone under his command dying, even if he’s not involved/at fault. I love the dichotomy of this emotional reaction that comes only partially from empathy/emotion, but also comes from a kinda self-centered need for success as measured by people under your command staying alive. and taking into account rodimus’s life it totally makes sense that he’d act like that...GAH I love it. the complexity of it all!

orion pax saying ‘you should read [megatron]. it’s powerful stuff’ I'm screaming, so many LAYERSSSSS

I fucking love time travel AHHHHHHHHH like the opportunity for interactions like these....chefs kiss

‘hey, best friend! miss you!’ rodimus is such a shit hvbdajkfksjhfd 

‘very sus’ rodimus ahead of his time w/the among us lingo

oooh and then they realize that the senate is trying to kill the sparks...gotta save the babies!

tailgate scolding cyclonus for bluntly stating that you'd wanna be subtle when killing newborns...hhhvbhsdfhhhhhh I love them sm

ooooh and rewind has an interesting suggestion - that the senate is actually trying to irradiate the sparks into being outliers...rewind is so smart I love him

and the fact that he’s using history from his database...love it

rodimus sending cyclonus and whirl out like pokemon

ROLLER NOOOO DONT GO OUT THERE

also wow this is literally the 5th (I think) double page spread in this issue...the confusion I felt the first time I read this...lmao 

and now this is literally one of my favorite issues so I'm glad I know what's going on lmao

oh man rodimus telling cd not to erase trailbreakers memory even tho that could jeopardize the entire timeline... :( 

oh man I didn't even notice but roller getting debris blasted into his face like that makes the whole ‘roller is tarn’ theory even more legit considering tarn’s face scars....

‘tighter the better’ hhh don't say that orion. but also, that’s the companion phrase to megatron saying ‘the deeper the better’ hvbhasjkhdfbaksjlf

I do love the semi-campy action hero antics that orion pax gets up to. its just so fun, even when the stakes are high and things are serious

‘this is the greatest thing I have ever seen’ tg ily

THE REVEAL THAT THE SPARKS WENT TO NYON...so rodimus just saved himself, basically...time travel is so trippy

GODDDD ND THEN TRAILBREAKER...HVHHHHHh 😭😭😭 THATS SO CRUEL MAN

oh man that last panel of trailbreaker holding up roller’s juice box...iirc the first time I read this I thought that was roller (cause of the juice box I guess? idk I'm an idiot) so I was like oh ok he must've come back or something. very much related but I didn't really think about tarn being a particular pre-established character and totally didn't read the whole ‘roller is tarn’ thing that was going on 

which in my defense ruth also didn't pick up on any of that while reading this and eventually like 2 issues before the reveal I had to prompt her like ‘you should maybe be wondering WHO tarn is’ vhbahjksdfbaksjdf

so! issue 37! this issue is a solid favorite of mine, id say definitely top 5 or even 3. I'm super biased bc I fucking LOVE time travel, it’s seriously one of my favorite tropes ever, and this issue hits all the time travel beats I love. characters traveling to the past and interacting with people they know! conversations that have multiple meanings bc of TIME TRAVEL! trying to save someone who meets a terrible fate in your future! fun time travel action! the time traveling characters being generally terrible at hiding the fact that they're time travelers! ITS SO GOOD. 

and I love the clever way everything is tied together here - where we get a nice continuation of shadowplay, with this taking place shortly after that with a lot of the same cast, and time travel classics like the good ole ‘if we hadn't travelled back in time and done what we did, the future we came from wouldn't have existed at all,’ in the flavor of ‘rodimus saving his baby self’ and ‘rodimus NOT saving trailbreaker’ and ‘everyone forgot about roller :(’ 

ok but like, did the lost lighters just go ‘oh well, guess rollers gone now.’ like they DID realize that the outlaw crew would have no idea what happened to him if they got their memories erased, right?? did the lost lighters figure that since roller never reappeared after this time period, that was how history was ‘supposed’ to go and they shouldn't mess with it? am I overthinking it? as usual: yes, probably. I love overthinking about comics, in case that wasn't obvious

basically...I love this issue soooo much. so so good and a bunch of fun tropes that I love. I mean the whole arc is like that for me since I love time travel so much. so I cant wait to (re)read more!!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[thefloatingstone]

A weeked at a hotel is quiet and alone.

A long walk or a going to a movie that starts after dark helps.

A four hour or longer bath where you sit in the water helps. Even if it doesnt helps it helps. And you smell good at the end of it which is nice even when you lack appreciation for nice things currently.

Do new things - feeling trapped or in a rut or the need to escape can be alleviated by feeling like youre making some sort of progress or have control over something in your life.

Sleeping more doesn’t help. Sleeping less doesnt help. Both are enough of a change/ strain on your body that they make you think they are but really they just increase problems and make the days pass quicker or slower.

Make goals. Meet goals. Cant get to goals make smaller goals to get there.

Focus on the things you can do and help and control and if you can’t do anything about it aknowledge it and let it go.

Hydrate. Youre not doing it enough, no one is.

Eat regularly, just like you should sleep regularly and for 9 hours - your body and therefore your mind functions better on a schedual.

It may not help but i can garrentee you not doing these things makes it harder than it needs to be.

Can also play games or read or watch shows until it passes, if it passes but thats just a… Temporary solution not an actual fix action.

But sometimes you don’t need a fix action you need a distraction to be immersed in and thats okay.

Get someone to talk to. Professionally.

Friends and family can help but we’re all not really great at healthy coping - and we know what works for us or what we’ve learned but we can’t always give you personalized tips that will help YOU get through your dips.

Clean/ reorganize your room - this just makes you feels self satisfied if youre lucky and if you arent well theres a little less mess and your mind feels less cluttered if you make even a little progress. Your environment can add to the strain.

Open a window idk why fresh air helps.

Candle with a scent you like - light it. Pet fire keeps you company.

Bake. Idk why but it helps, doesnt matter what youre making but if it makes a mess for you to clean up while you wait for it to be done its a win.

Plus baked goods are nice to have and eat or give away which makes you happy… Especially since half the time you dont feel the need to eat whatever youve baked.

Blast music. Loudly. Especially dark depressing shit or especially lively rebelling shit.

Or just play classical piano in the background because it helps…. Filter. Which is nice.

It gets better. Even if it turns out to be something youll struggle with it gets better because youll learn to manage it and it can’t take away the good even if it tells you it can.

Youve survived every horrible thing thats happened to you. Youll get through this too keep that in mind.

Also watch what youre telling yourself. Something as simple as telling yourself not “i can’t deal with this -emotional pain/situation - ” but “i dont want to deal with this” can in time make it easier to get past it because youre not bogged down in trying to… Reject how you feel.

Youre allowed to feel this way. Like. You may not want to but. You do so youve got to accept it on some level in order to beable to get past rejecting reality and figure out how best to approach it.

Emotions arent unreasonable. Like. Logically you’ll say they are but youre not depressed or whatever for no reason. Either theres something effecting you or your brain chemistry is off either way there is no “i shouldnt feel this way”

So like. Really dont talk down to yourself. Or if you do at least try to tack on something like “alright try again” or idk something positive or at least foward thinking.

And remeber you’re not alone.

Reach out. Message people. Sit on silent calls and share dead air with others. You may ache like a raw nerve or feel left out or ignored or a hundred other things but just. Attempting to be apart of your friends life or just hearing another person can do a world of difference. If not… In the moment than later it def gives you something to build on.

And youre not… A bother. Youre not… Responsible for making decisions about other peoples emotional wellbeing. Theyve got to tell you ‘hey i dont/ cant talk about this right now lets just bs about whatever instead". You need help or a distraction or anything ask the people you care about.

Youre not alone and isolating… Usually makes things worse.

Like alone time can help but isolatings a different ballgame entirely and youll know which youre doing.

Hell just posting on here and asking for tips is great and Im proud of you.

Sorry if that or any of this sounds condescending - im just. Summarizing shit ive learned and tried and had to talk myself into because i really thought my mental health was bullshit and i shouldnt need help with basic things.

But people do. Like. We’re not made to fuction the way we do and we’re not taught a lot of really simple things and how they effect us or the difference between coping healthly and not.

… Fuctioning can only get you so far so long, you’ve got to actually take care of yourself you know? I mean dont beat yourself up because taking care of yourself doesn’t line up with what you think that should mean is all.

Sorry to bug and do hope you get to feeling better soon.

This is an incredibly in-depth and helpful message. Thank you so very very much for taking the time to write it out for me. I’m posting this to prevent it from getting buried

Also, again, I want to thank everyone for sending me responses and messages about this. I’m sorry I’m not replying to all of them individually, but I am reading all of them <3 a lot of you are saying the same things like taking a walk or doing some light exercise, drinking water (I haven’t been doing that enough today) and things like that. As I said, I can’t do exercise tonight since it’s late, but I’ll try and take a walk tomorrow if the weather is good. And I’ll try and get some water in me.

I’m afraid talking to someone professional isn’t really possible right now, but hearing I can just go once makes me feel a little better. I’ve never realised I don’t have to try and afford an ongoing therapy thing. I can’t do it right now, but I’ll see if I can figure something out at some point in a few months if I can.

But thank you again for your help, guys. And although I feel bad for asking... but I’d really appreciate if you guys could continue to give it. Not because I want instant gratification or anything, but just because I don’t have much support elsewhere, and I want to get past this.

and thank you for being patient with me. I’m trying, I really am.

[hiraethstill]

THIS WEEK ON DAIYA NO ACE (7/9)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT! 

LIVEBLOG:

itsuki comparing him to senbatsu performance ah yes

aaaaaaand of course carlos and shirakawa's voices are here to attacc me again

ugh i still love serious/self-reflective mei

cmon furuya my dude you can do better

oh thats a rather nice shot of eijun, serious face and all

amahisa voice... back of my mouth/top of throat... nice

interesting, i felt most of the ichidai players near where kousei was in my throat, and then a bunch of seidou players juuuust under them

whoa and then amahisa's voice just dropped to low throat damn

okay enough of my maybe synesthesia for now

SHIT MASASHI YOU KNOW SPLIT SECONDS COUNT SO MUCH MORE IN FIELDING

its okay toujou is running for it... running for it...

two runs okay nice ichidai nice

haha even kousei's like "that wasnt a great hit yall"

toujou being supportive, i Love Him

omg masashi and that "immature" aura lmaoo

mm furuya blaming yourself will only mount the pressure... i get it tho, and its hard not to take it harder than you should when you initiate every play

lmao miyuki you left your mitt there a second or two too long ;)) 

nice shot of miyuki's eyes!

i always love the firstie reaction faces

god i love taku's v oice

(and his everything but we been knew)

fuckin bless kunitomo tbh?

mei just shaking on the floor of the dugout... i Feel that

shit... the 5 on the scoreboard... seeing this in color is as jarring as in the manga

take him OUT kataoka

mm and this was the right music choice too

if you won't sacrifice the team for furuya alone then you wouldnt be watching the team crumble bc furuya is breaking under the pressure dammit

coughs in boyfriends (with bonus height difference)

ah... akamatsu and that smile i dont trust lmao

dont get me wrong i like him but i cant trust him

eijun... your anger is SO justified

you know its bad when ochiai himself is calling kataoka on his bs

substitution finally

oh shiet nishino is in the stands pleasantly surprised that sawamura is going in!!

hmm maybe not exactly what furuya needs rn but i appreciate the bluntness miyuki

"i know my role" eijun, you've really grown so much

nabe the loudest sawamura cheerleader

KHJSKDLH eijun breathing in the Mound Air

TAKU is so suprised that he's still doing his spiel omg bby you'll Learn

and koushuu's aura as usual lmaooo

loving this look ayy

and this one

and this one?????

that switch from sawamura's back to front jarred me a bit

thought it was switching from furuya's back to sawamura's front for a moment

ANOTHER GOOD EIJUN

BABIESSS

wow kuki's voice left a little whoosh thingy in my throat? that was interesting and kinda nice

asada is so in awe of sawamura-senpai i cry a lil every time

inside i mean

omg thats a Great pose sawamura (not gonna post because i got too many eijun screenshots already haha)

another nice shot of miyuki's eye

YES THAT WAS A GREAT PITCHING SEQUENCE but it looked too familiar hmmmst

AMAHISA'S FACE LMFAO

SAWAMURA DID THE BIG DICK ENERGY POSE:TM:

we always love miyuki being in awe of sawamura

aw all the fielders pumped up and encouraging

AND ANOTHER GREAT EIJUN SHOT

"a much better pitcher than i realized" isnt it sad how thats everyone @ eijun

OKAY BUT EIJUN'S EYES RIGHT THERE

AND THE W E I G HT OF THAT FOOT PLANT I FELT DEEP IN MY RIBCAGE

holy shit a noTHER great eijun shot

kataoka is: shook.jpg

god this announcer has it right, eijun really comes through

the MANAGERS LOOK SO PROUD

BOYFRIENDS.JPG

but also asada x eijun rights bc asada is gushing about how incredible sawamura is

with a really loud excited voice too!!!!!

he's so fuc k in cUTE

lmao teito coach and all the other teams/coaches realizing sawamura's potential long before seidou does

we stan harucchi and mochi hyping sawamura up

eijun looks so pretty in the shot where he takes his hat off... and he's frowning so intensely too...

hmm... i dont like that this scene happened without the buildup, it came out of the blue

also in the manga didnt kataoka say something more like "you really saved us, sorry you had to"

why does eijun's hair look so floofy i wanna pat too

and yeah, his anger is justified here too... they basically using him rn

wtf ochiai werent you literally the one saying they needed to switch pitchers can you please just. appreciate the damn boi already.

this awkward encouragement of eijun's batting lmao, why dont yall give him run support instead, and wait til he improves batting

taku noticing the bench cheering up! sawamura-senpai really is a moodmaker

had to pause for taku's face lmao

omg he's also saying eijun can change the whole stadium's mood and honestly??????

this music... and those gritted teeth... like Yeah, i Agree

what? it over?

preview

ooh i hope kanemaru gets a chance to shine

omg eijun really has a thing for hips

yooo another blessed eijun shot omg

SUMMARY / TLDR:

r.i.p. furuya

ochiai calling kataoka out on his bs

MUCH MANY PRETTY EIJUN SHOTS

firsties and other teams/coaches realizing eijun's potential long before seidou

eijun's anger Justified

taku spokesperson of firsties?

eijun AB next!

[eunsangf]

IM NOT USING ONE RN,,, i feel like i made that much of a jump to kpop on main id lose half my mutuals so theres that. I HAVE FOUR SUMMER CLASSES AND THREE OF THEM R RUNNING RN,, theyre all online luckily. but i have to do summer assignments too liKe. SDFHJF I SAW THAT HES SO FUNNY I LOVE HIM,, n saMe. if im laughing its prolly bc of him n the dreamies. i pride myself in being both an intellectual and a dumbass at the same time!!! i have 3 main types of energy. those n babey (1/?) 🌻🌻

actually i have 4 main types n the last is loving renjun energy! anyway, HDSJFHDS the mafia dance was cute aside from that!! theyre all so funny…. je-nojam is actually funnY OK. AND MARK WAS UNEXPECTEDLY WHEN HE MENTIONED WANNABE DREAMIE LUCAS OUT OF NOWHErE. SDHFJHJDS YEAHHHH NO ASMR FOR RENJUN jeno’s never inviting anyone again! I THINK HE DOES IT ON PURPOSE SOMETIMES I THINK HE KNOWS,, but yeah its also probably his personality too! ehhfjdshf thats valid (2/3?) 🌻🌻dsHKFHSKD weLL i guess that makes sense noW. oHMYgoD I LOVE TAEIL TOO. BUT I GET WHAT UR SAYING. rlly becaue hes so silent and stuff ive never rlly seen him make effort to be funny?? but when he actually does talk its funny in a cute way and its DORKY. like when he talked about his lack of body hair and also when he does those cute little dances. ppl dont appreciate him enough! PREDICTING NCT DREAMS SUCCESS RIGHT NOW,, bls comebackkkk PLEASE. let 127 rest theyRE ALL (¾ sORRY) 🌻🌻INJURED RN?? YUTA LIMPING TAEYONG HAS A NECK BRACE AND ALL THE MEMBERS R TIRED. so just. let them rest and give dream a comeback!!! let them save the music industry!!! SDHJHJHFASD oH see this is what i meant by my dumbass energy…. really…. :)))

NADFKJNSDKFJNDKSNJF omg !! what type of blog are u? aes? general :O im like. aes/kpop on main i love it N OMGGGGG THATS A LOT I CANT EVEN DO THE ONE I HAVE SO FAR DKFNKJDFG omg gl gl gl u n e,,,, we r in the same boat,,, u got this babeyyyy ! ALL UR ENERGIES R SO VALID THATS SO CUTE im jus 3,,,, dumbass renjun n babie,,,, SKDJNFKJNSDFJNK THE MAFIA DANCE IS RLLY FUNNIE DKJFNKDFG SDKFJNKJSNDF I LOVE YUKHEI OK HES HEART EMOJI HEART EOJI ! JENO IS ACTUALLY FUNNIE !! omg im worried abt jeno i heard som stuff abt him 2day n im,,, quite worried for him now SDDKFNKJNSDFKNJSDF NO ASMRENJUN HAHAIHDSKDFNKSNF jeno said im done w this bs. at least let me have my own show skdnfknsdf WAIT WHAT MAKES SENSE NOW,,,,, BLEAST TELL ME,,,,  !!!! yeah !!! thats like EXACTLY what i mean?? hes rlly nice n wonderful i mean he doesnt attempt to be Fake n i rlly rlly appreciate tht abt him i feel,,,, every1 listens to taeil,,, he doesnt talk a lot but when he does (n i mean,, abt advice n things) u like. pay attention. blEASE on this sacred day appreciate n love mr MOON TAEIL ! SIDNFNJSDKJFNKSJDFKJNSDKFJN OMG YEAH THEYRE ALL LIKE INJURED N TIRED N PROBABLY SICK,,,, NGL,,,, I LOVE 127 BUT ALL THESE COMEBACKS,,, SKULL EMOJI I HEAR TOO MUCH ABT THEM KDJNFKJNDSF its 127 this 127 tht n im like,,,, do they get a Break,,,, every1 realizes theye exhausted and worn out n i appreciate the effort but SM is LITERALLY ruining NCT’s concept as a whole by only using one unit??  nct has a lot of potential but i cant help but feel,,, its been ruined a bit bc of how its working out rn,,,, yeah,,, KJSNFKJNSDF ALSO BLEASE UR FINE? omg no angel ur doin great MUAH ! blease ! i was jus wishing u well!! i hope u liked the drawing !!  omg gl,,, i wanna watch the handmaiden but idk where 2 find it,,, GL ON UR WORK !! i, too, need to stop procrastinating,,,, u n me in this together b,,, u n me ,,,

[hypoetics]

Hmmm, ive been feeling downtrodden this past year and some change now

Infamous for my short comings it feels

Its never really been positive per say...

My mother had an unconventional upbringing being the child of a 16 year old in the late 70s of new orleans of louisiana

So she was rasied by her great grandma and her daughter

And those guys made it through THE great depression

So...it different

Never the less not very supportive

...she never learned to love in those ways

She probably took a lot of her anger she had about men on me when i was younger

Cant blame her i guess(literally...its to late)

She never wanted me to be anything other than a military man(i was born on a military base in watertien, ny)

And kind if put herself in denial about my sister being who they were

Amd i can literally count on my hand and the amount if times ive seen my dad since 2008

I never had a support structure

I was always the kne spuring other on

I live that shit

Taught my best friend to dance

Me and my highschool gf devolved into an old married couple before i knew it

Extended family has stolen from me, thrown me away, or never knew i existed

I like to think i was losing my mind when i ran away...

I couldnt even bring myself to ask anyone for help i felt so worthless

I could have pleaded...

But i didnt

Became a second class citizen when i went back to pick some stuff up from a friend and found out he tossed my social and birth cert into the trash, along with whatever else...his mom didnt think i was very thank for that one night of kindness they gave me

I spent a while after that sleeping where i felt safe, the back of empty dumpster, playgrounds, running tracks, unfinished houses

Before i met a friend outside of a smoke shop

It was great, i was working at freebirds at the time and i ended up staying with them for a while

I fell head over heels for someone so hard one night on acid

She was reciting the chocolate bit from spongebob

PERFECTLY

and it sent me to thr moon lmao

I was playing fez on the laptop underneath the playground we were hanging at

And everything felt right for a while

Before i realized im living in a drug den, looked like trash, and it was my first time doing drugs like these

Its what tributed to my last relationship going belly up to

We had a few moments

Lol there was this one time i was playing music before she got off and this one song by coiyuki that chanted "i love you" for kike 30secs started playing

And i reacted lol

Nothing was even happening and i just felt embarrased

There was another time i called her to let me into the store so we could talk before she got off...she couldnt so we sat on the floor on either side of the door for a little bit

She was definitely the one that got away

We both played uke, had great assests...idk we just fit together

She's the only person ive ever drawn something for with my emotions and given it too

I can only hope its still on her wall

We ended up going our separate ways after i had gotten further into drugs

She had some success on stage with her instrument

And honestly the most beautiful soul ive ever had the pleasure of meeting

Last time i checked she's deeply in lesbians with someone

And thats cool, as long as shes happy ya know

I dont talk about things i was doing while i was an addict though

Although for the most part i was still just as rad i usually...just fucking warped

But its nothing i want to brag...let alone talk about

But it wasnt pretty

A bunch of boys addicted to drugs is not a healthy situation at all

I dont even remember eating...

After that went belly up i had a friend take me in

And basicly allowed him to treat me however

Not that he was a terrible person or anything

I just let him be dominant over me for the sske of a place to stay

Which now that im coming back into my stride

Gave me some submissive habits that are gonna be tough to break healthily with the way my presence makes others feel

We had a common trauma that we bonded over

Which one one hand is the reason i think of that one chick from high school they i do still...

Basicly his live went unrequited

And mine well...idk

I just wanted to try and fix it for him

But long story short he wasnt capable

Same with me

I mean wheat done is done and everything is in the place it settled in

But watching someone go from the happy go lucky young adult

To regressing to the mind set he was in when he was happy with this person thinking she stilled liked him

Its either he realized she never did or he doesnt want to go back.

But it fucked me up

Which left me to want her more over the years

Because she's the only one i was aware of then that could without a doubt make me happy

Going against me cultivating a sense if self worth after the way that relationship ended, being disowned by my granddad iver some mail order whore, and being labeled as an undesirable in the community i was living in after some drug shenanigans everyone around me was involved in

I chalk it up to something to fixate on these days

But idk i hope im able to keep that person in my life forever

Even if our paths are diverging

I dont think i would have made it without him

After all that bs the house i was living in after moving out of there for a while

Although i did cuck my landlord on the couch after a party once

I wasnt even fucking the same

It was my first time with someone that moaned

And it was so hot at first, but she was so loud, the first time she would have woken up my land lord, the second time the door was broken to the garage and therr was a room full of people just on the other side, and the third time a house of people called me a rapist.

Which scared the shit out of me

Thinking back i should have just covered he mouth or told her to stfu you or something...would have been hot...so hot

But thay really messed with thr way i deal with women now....

Led me to not trust a lot of situations

And im hoooot so i should...:(

Idk :/

Basicly disappeared for s while after that

Had a couple good semesters at college

Which left me feeling on top of the world with an art bubble ready to pop

And then the world went to shit and i decided to do some cocky shit i regretted for a little bit but like...time and shit ya know

Oh yeah and obligatorily being ostracized from my community because i have different tastes in life style...that never gets old

Idk...i feel like the worst is finally over with

[gizettesoriano]

No one would care about this so I’m gonna do this now haha. I’m gonna pretend i’m being interviewed ‘cause I’m apparently peymousse for what I do - kroo kroo...

If you’re not an artist-designer, what would you be?

Most likely, a therapist and a researcher in the field of psychology. Because I like listening and helping people, I like knowing what they think of, how they think, and why they think of what they think. It’s fascinating for me. And it’s very natural for me to try to assess people based on the words they say, how they say them, how they think. Majority of the time, I get things right – assuming, I know, but hey, don’t tell me I told you so! It’s innate to me to help people – whatever that means to people I’m dealing with, I go out of my way to help. Sometimes, I have to force myself to stop doing that because I tend to forget about my own needs – definitely working on this! I am actually still thinking of further studies in psychology, even if I end up not putting it into industry practice. It’s like art and design are things I want to study and practice, but psychology is what I want to just study – at least for now that’s how I think because I tend to change my preferences a lot.

Fact: I passed BS Psychology entrance exam in one of the top universities in our country. I wanted it so badly back that I actually studied – something I didn’t do on the other entrance exams I took hehe.

What did you want to be when you were younger?

A lot of things. I wanted to be a nun at one point, because my favorite grandma was a nun – I hope she’s resting in peace. I wanted to be in band – I did became a part of a band back in high school, as the unofficial “manager” and photographer haha! I somehow wanted to be a teacher, then a veterinarian. A lot of things besides being an artist or a designer. Off topic but, being an artist or a designer was off my list – like nah uh, never. This is because I didn’t want any pressure on me – you know, the kind of pressure you get when you have to be a good lawyer because your dad is also a good lawyer – take that into my life – I didn’t want to be in the field of arts and design and be pressured to do well because my dad does well in those things. Do you get me? Anyways... What kind of music do you listen to?

All sorts of music. I don’t strictly follow a certain genre. My elementary days were all about Britney Spears and Jesse McCartney – still a Jesse fan. My high school days were a lot of punk rock and a bit of emo – goes to say why I’m a bit of a rebel, I guess. College days were a mix of different Korean music – mostly those I picked up from kdramas, adding a bit of hiphop and rnb. Then came a bit of me becoming a stan of Jay Park, AOMG and H1GHR artists, IU, Zion T, Urban Zakapa, HYUKOH – most of them were/are independent artists... After college, specifically during the pandemic times, I eventually added GOT7 and DAY6 to the artists I listen and follow. Any issues?

Commitment issues! Hahaha. Commitment to myself: 100%. Commitment to my work: 90% Commitment to other people: ???%

Trust issues! I don’t have a bad past, I’m just naturally skeptical though I always try to see the good in everyone hehe.

Expectant people! People dreaming or making dreams for me – I dread those people. I pertain to people who see me doing great at this thing that I do and they start saying I should definitely be this and that. Just because I do something great doesn’t mean it’s my dream to pursue it. If you want to be that, go do that – don’t drag me, I already have a plan in my mind.

People with no plans... I’m not into people who just talk about what they want to do but don’t do anything to achieve what they want... How’d you gonna get it if you don’t have a plan? If you intend to wait on universe, you’ll surely wait looooong haha... What company do you work right now?

I’d rather say i work with them than for them. Not gonna mention their name, but they’re basically a startup focused on making circular living simpler and friendlier for everyone – especially in our country where it circular living sounds so foreign. So far, I’m enjoying being part of their team. I often prefer the startup culture – the openness, the growth and the dent you’re gonna make. Plus, I like the concept of circular economy/living, and I’ve always wanted to practice design around the concept. Putting circular economy into practice is challenging but I’m definitely up for it! Recent realisations?

Oh my god. A LOT. This quarantine times got me in touch with myself.

- It’s perfectly if my preferences change. That will never mean I never loved the things I loved before. It’s just that change is really inevitable and is very much okay.

- It’s so nice to slow down and think things more thoroughly – but not in an overthinking way.

- It frustrates me when there’s no deadline said. 

- List everything you want to do and schedule when you can do them. That way you can focus on making them real, and not regret wasting time and energy on things that were not on your list.

- Reading fics and posts on tumblr has been a great help to me – never thought that’s how I’ll improve my casual conversational English. I was struggling with being too formal and business-like in both written and conversational English.

- My love for learning about and from people will 99.99& stay with me – I’m a sucker for stories, interviews, psychology research and articles...

- I now make it a point that no matter how many projects I juggle, I should have time to just chill – whether thats means talking to friends or watching stuff, etc. I need that! Also, me-time is a must – turning off notifications from other people and just being with my self in whatever way. No work Sundays is now one of my non-negotiable.

- It’s hard to find a job that both the employee and employer would truly benefit. (sigh) Considerate companies? Haaaaard to find.

- I’m great with details but when they’re too much and I deal with them too often, it takes a toll on me, like I have to be away from some time. *I’ll update this every now and then, when I’m feeling my peymousse self again, haha!

[reminds-me-of-a-puzzle]

The Book of Mormon London 11/11/2017

The Book of Mormon West End 11/11/2017

I went to see The Book of Mormon for my second time last Saturday and decided to do a write up b/c other ppl had done it and it looks fun!

Cast-

Elder Price - KJ Hippensteel

Elder Cunningham - Cody Strand

Nabulungi - Leanne Robinson

Elder McKinley -- Stephen Rolley

-When jesus started talking @neko-no-niji​ thought he was doing a jesus impression lol

-KJ walks down with the biggest smile on his face he was so good

-Codys ‘OOPS’ in hello

-In the ‘Hello’ ‘my name is..’ ‘Elder Cunningham!’ Cody looks at the other and tries to copy their moves

-Everyone looks so in awe of KJ at ‘Your’e like the smartest, best, most deserving elder..’ but honestly me too

-Everyone is so cute in Two by Two,, and the entire thing tbh

-Someone teach me to two by two dance? same 4 turn it off

-After two by two & before you and me (but mostly me) when Cody and Arnold are alone, Cody kinda throws his arms up in the air, jumps up and lands with his legs kinda apart? So hard to explain but it was so pure

-Cody sippin on a juicebox before they leave and his dads like….’ARNOLD,, ARNOLD’ that boy is so pure -- ‘I HAD MRS BROWN SING LIKE AN AFRICAN FOR YOU!’ -Hasa Diga, Mafala had such a deep voice it was rlly good (dont take that out of context)

-One of my fav parts is in Hasa Diga, when they walk back on the beat and fall on their butts

-During ‘This is my daugher she has a….’ Naba is proper slapping the floor and jammin then she stands up all pure -Turn it off is amazing,, they’re all such talented dancers honestly,, Stephen is such a good McKinley!!? -’WHAM, BAM, PUSH IT DOWN!!’

-When Stephen leads them to their rooms,, he holds KJs hand like right up to his lips he is kissing that boys hand okay -I am here for you..you can really see how close and comfortable KJ and cody are with each other they are friendship goals!!

-Cody constantly stroking Kjs face honestly same -Cody throwing the blanket over KJS face -At the end Cody gets off his bed and pushes it right next to KJs…..<3 <3 -Okay all American is one of my fav songs and it did not disappoint

-When Naba is like ‘whats the difference?’ KJ just turns to the audience with the biggest grin on his face - same grin during ‘I am there for you’ when Cunningham says  ‘It wouldnt be so incdiredible when you did it now’ and just before ‘I believe’ when theyre talking about converting But fucking naked and the others are like ‘That would take somehing incredible!’ -ANYWAY back to all American,,,Cody was constantly dancing, trying to shove the Book of Mormon in the Ugandans buckets or whatever they were holding - at points KJ signals to Cody like to stand next to him in the dance and like turns him around to guide him its cute -Salt Lake city was absolute perfection? Leanne hit every note perfectly

-When it builds up loads of stars light up in the background and its so beautiful

-At the end she grabs her typewriter to text all her friends <3 <3 -Back to the Mormon living quarters ...2 of them are playing games on the floor while another walks in playing paddle ball and they question why they haven’t got any baptisms come on guys

-McKinleys ‘O-M-GOSH’ -Cody is so chill explaining that they just saw someone get shot in the face :))) -Obv McKinely goes to kiss Price they wERE CLOSE -The scene of Price wanting to leave was actually so sad,, everyone was silent

-A good opportunity to shout out how amazing Arnold Cunningham actually is -Again, I am here for you reprise is SADD then Cody says ‘I don’t have any friends’ my heart BROKE -Leanne is so cute and hopeful in this scene, Naba believes in Arnold so much !! More Naba apprication! -Man Up is another fav of mine so i’m defiantly biased here...CODYS PERFORMANCE WAS EXTRAORDINARY OKAY

-Price walks on scrubbing his shirt trying to get rid of the blood and :))) - The next week I saw Bom (18th of November) When Cody is on that stand that moves forward he pulled a little kissy face and a peace sign IT WAS SO CUTEEEE -At the end note there is a single spotlight on Cody and it's beautiful

ACT 2! -Starts with more explanation of the actual book

-’I am Jesus’ gets me everyime

-Then goes to Cunningham and I don’t know why but it reminds me of the very start with Price walking forward, not sure if it's intentional?

-I really love making things up again, at the back his dad, hobbits, darth vader and a commander (?) from star trek appear like ‘nah stop’ -Cody pulled this really innocent face at the end i love him - Elder price was so happy to be in Orlando RIP his hopes and dreams

-KJ’s Price in SMHD is so dead inside...he is just ‘ :l ‘ throughout the whole song -The devils wear glitter okay and at stagedoor we talked to Ngozi how it never goes away it was iconic - -There is so much going on in this number

-After it all he's lying dead and Stephen goes to give him CPR and :))) - The week after I saw it again (18th)  when Cody says that all the africans want more lessons and all the elders are freaking out, Stevie just does a sassy click ??! -When KJ is all ‘thats amazing!’ Cody is so sassy and completely ignores his high five

-Its kinda sad honestly Harley was like’ DOnt be mean to him!! ‘ -KJs face lights up when they are like ‘that would take something incredible!’ I just want this boy to be happy okay -I believe is so amazing!! Really highlights KJs voice just damn -THEN really quick atmosphere change when Cody walks in with all the africans making up BS -When he said ‘You should always...stand up for yourselves.’ CHrist said!’ all the Ugandans were like ‘WOO yeah! Amen!’ Like they do in a gospel church but they didn’t the following week

-The villagers really love Arnold and this needs to be talked about more in fics okay

--Baptise me cured every sin i had….they're just so cute??? And the last note omg they look back at each other and aHHH

-I am Africa boi...Each time i've seen it when Harry Wright walks over to baptise his partner he literally goes ‘ :D’ and it's so pure

-the book in the butt scene is iconic..the doctor (gotswana) is played by Nicholas McLean and he is a great cast member!!!

-When Naba and Arnold have their little part, when they go to walk away they both look over their shoulder and Nabas eyes go up and down the audience and SHE LOOKS SO SASSY AND GORGEOUS!! -When Kevin walks back down there's shit in the bag with the book -Cody is really great in the coffee shop scene and so is KJ...when he says ‘when I baptised *insert naba name* the others just fell into place’ it got a huge response and you could see how close KJ and Cody were close to losing it and the fact that they held it together got a bigger clap

-When Price says ‘don’t touch me’ or whenever Cody touches his face and runs off and you can see that these two have a really great relationship

-Price goes to sit down but he can’t because of his sore bum lol

-American Moses okay ...when the music starts some of the elders are swaying side to side and bopping up and down

-Pls watch their faces when it starts to get bad though its so funny

-You can tell KJ loves the whole thing

-Just...so iconic

-When Jesus comes in with the huge dicks hes like humping the mission president from behind and sticking his dick in his face oml

-The Hasa Diga reprise is outstanding it should've been on the cast album (just like all the reprises tbh) and some people laugh but it's actually such a sad song

-But!! Cunningham fixes everything like the angel he is

-Its a really sweet moment when it all clicks with Price

-As McKinley is leaving he has this pink floral suitcase and its iconic

-Tomorrow is a latter day actually makes me cry, especially prices ‘I believe’ solo halfway through

-After the bows and all the cast all dance and they're all so happy and amazing i love this cast so much

-You can stagedoor here!! Please do it!! Give this cast the appreciation they deserve! They all give really good hugs okay