#no bitches no fun no time no life no will to live
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(ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ ‥…━━━★ MASTERLIST [PT. 01 ] FOR Y'ALL HOTTIES 🍥🎀
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⚠️ Some posts are older ones in which I wasn't that well-known about manifestation and may contain some limiting beliefs! If you see anything you don't like or relate just avoid it!
My first ever post which is just perfect 😭
🍥just like the sun and the moon!
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🎀 RAMPAGE !
🍥 overthinking positively
🍥zero efforts and I still WIN
🍥 vaunt coz my life is getting better
🍥 just easy like that!
🍥 oh! SHE'S THAT GIRL😭💋
🍥 LAUGH AT THE UNDESIRED CIRCUMSTANCES
🍥 self concept
🍥 miss me?
🍥 stubbornness
🍥 side effects of being perfectionist
🍥WHATEVER I DO IS TOP TIER
🍥 I AM THE EXAMPLE THAT MIRACLES ARE REAL
🍥IT'S ALREADY DONE.
🍥 I manifested every shit
🍥 EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!
🍥 I just realized how perfect I am
🍥 LOGIC? IN THE TRASH!
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
⭐LIVING IN THE END!
🍥 how to live in the end and what is it?
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🍓 MANIFESTING SP!
🍥 two people manifesting same sp? WHO GIVES A FUCK. THEY ARE YOURS.
🍥 sp is yours. THEY ARE CURSED TO BE YOURS.
🍥 tips?
🍥 two people manifesting same sp[celebrity] ? (Yes same question as first one and same answer but i added coz why not lol)
🍥 MANIFESTING DP WHO KNOWS MANIFESTATION + 3P (THIRD PERSON)
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
💮 MULTIPLE SP's !
🍥 manifesting multiple sp
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
🍧 CHALLENGES/EXPERIMENTS!
🍥 7 days challenge
🍥 REPETITION CHALLENGE
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
🎨 NOTHING NEW.
🍥 you are the creator
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🎞 ALL YOU EVER NEED PT. 1
(Divided into three parts!)
🍥 basically advanced mindset
🍥 GOD/GODDESS ROUTINE
🍥 God mindset
🍥 ACCEPTANCE
🍥 SATISFACTION
🍥 Customizable mindset
🍥 manifesting "bigger" Stuffs
🍥 life on easy mode
🍥 TIME DOES NOT MATTER
🍥 TIME ISN'T REAL
🍥 REVISING
🍥 MAKING MANIFESTION SIMPLE
🍥 being delusional and getting everything
🍥 how to "deal" With anxiety, anger or jealousy
🍥 When in doubt what to do?
🍥 "big stuffs"
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🎞 ALL YOU EVER NEED PT. 2
🍥 motivation
🍥 how to "ignore" 3d
🍥 what to do if you don't get results??
🍥 blanket affirmations
🍥 all about manifestation!
🍥 time crunch
🍥 rewriting your life!
🍥 PERSISTENCE = KEY
🍥 Ruling your reality
🍥 IT'S MINE BECAUSE I SAID SO!
🍥 What to do if 3d is delaying??
🍥 What is transition period?
🍥 developing self concept!
🍥 placebo effect
🍥 revision
🍥 Making it simple!
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
ALL YOU EVER NEED PT. 3🎞
🍥 MONEYYYYYYY
🍥 wanna give up? Don't give up. Simple.
🍥 beauty and confidence!
🍥Panicking for what??
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🩰 BEAUTY & YOUR PERFECT LIFESTYLE
🍥 south Asian beauty
🍥 CLASSIC HOTTIE
🍥 spoiled
🍥 manifesting physical appearance changes
🍥 Perfect smile + no smile lines affirmations!
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
❗ REMINDER
🍥 self concept to boost your ass
🍥 subconscious has no eyes. It's a damn bitch controlled by YOU. YOU DECIDE.
🍥 beliefs and opinions!
🍥 fated to win
🍥 unbelievable manifestations really??
🍥 LIE & TRUTH.
🍥 Limitless
🍥 STOP RESTRICTING YOURSELF!
🍥 Notes
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🏊🏻♀️ FUN WAYS TO MANIFEST!
🍥 Do stuffs you love and get your manifestations too!
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
⭐ DO IT LIKE SERIES!
🍥 Do it like JENNIE!
🍥 Do it like MIN YOONGI!
🍥 Do it like JUNG HOSEOK!
🍥 Do it like RIHANNA!
🍥 Do it like SONG JIA!
🍥 Do it like JANG WONYOUNG!
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🍪NEW YEAR NEW ME SERIES :
🍥 PHASE 01
🍥 PHASE 02
🍥 PHASE 03
🍥 PHASE 04
🍥 PHASE 05
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑
🌷 My own success stories!
🍥 IMAGINARY PEOPLE? NAH NOW THEY ARE RIYAL🗣️
🍥 Didn't expect but ain't surprised ahh success story
🍥 HOW I MANIFESTED MY SP WHO LIVES FAR AWAY FROM ME!
🍥 For me and also for others!
🍥 My man again
🍥 my cousin sista's success
🍥 I WANT IT I GOT IT (SP)
🍥 My man is just obsessed with me
┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙
With lots of love,
ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷
#adilynn loves you🌷⭐#self concept#manifestation#affirm#affirmyourreality#neville goddard#loa#subliminals#affirm and persist#wavering#shifting#reality shift#reality shifting#shifters#shifting community#shiftblr#shifting blog#shift#loa assumption#pinned post#pinned intro#masterlist#manifesting tips#master manifestor
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ANNALATIONS is in session!
verse 9:99 – "kaito saeki is the goat"
i don't think many people know about one of my bestest friends in every single one of my drs – kai saeki, otherwise known as Nine (for reasons to be explained). Allow me to introduce him...
inspired by macknshift!
originally, kai was only in my loric dr. if you're familiar with the lorien legacy series (which i doubt you are), he IS number nine. just a normal guy!... so normal............ anyways, regardless of normality, he was my favourite character in the lorien legacies series #4EVER and i thought 'why not script him in'! he makes everything 10 times more fun.
the most recognisable dr you'd find him in is my f1 dr, although he is a part of my big three – fame, marauders, AND f1.
in my F1 DR, kai is a pro surfer in the world surfing league, and was an olympic silver medalist at the tokyo 2020 games (praying for the paris 2024 gold!). we met because we were both red bull athletes, and #traumabonded over it
in my MARAUDERS DR, he's in slytherin and plays as beater for the quidditch team (he is really good at knocking people out. in a good way!!!...). he's #enemies with sirius, and unknowingly on regulus' hit list (aren't we all?)
in my FAME DR, he's a friend from uni who is currently a middle school teacher and football coach! riveting stuff
...and in my LORIC DR, he's an alien with superpowers and a penchant for violence. what's new!?
i'm not joking when i say i've been obsessed with this man since 2019...................................... it's okay! i'm so normal. anyways, over the course of those five years, i've struggled with finding a suitable fc for him (this is a recurring problem you will notice with me). in my f1 dr, his career is hugely inspired by kanoa igarashi, who is in the photos above.
the current fc i use for kai is takahiro yaguchi (below). i felt like i'd seen a glimpse of heaven when i found him [sniffle].
MORE KAI FUN FACTS!! (specifically f1 dr related)
he's japanese american, and competes under the japanese flag despite being born in chicago
he's competed under the number 9 since he started surfing professionally, which is why people call him nine as a nickname. in the WSL, he's synonymous with his number – the same number i use in f1
lived in chicago for the first few years of his life, and then moved to huntington beach for surfing
he has a brother that's 10 years older than him named tadashi
when kai saw big hero 6 in cinemas he had to get up and leave when tadashi died in the movie because he couldn't stop crying and thinking of his brother 😭 (he was 15)
he's like. 6"4. NEEEEEVER lets it go. or lets me forget. it is hard to forget with him looming over me
the two songs that remind me of him the most are BOOGIE by brockhampton and tell me by wonder girls, the latter being my ringtone for him 😏 (he hates it)
HE HAS A REALLY BAD RESTING BITCH FACE 😭😭😭😭
he has so many tattoos that he's lost count of them. the one i like the most is 'born to ride' which is across his shoulders. it's sick
he is the most sun safe person i've ever met. he is never outside without sunscreen
i think that's all......... honestly i just wanted to yap, so expect a regulus related post coming your way soon!
this has been episode 1 of annalations, so i hope you enjoyed! catch you on the next one...
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shut up i have thoughts on my boyfriend i must share. n e way! he kissed me the other day and i was kicking my legs and he called me cute thats all thank you.
#i was also jumping to stim while he made breakfast and i made his tea#and he copied me to mock me and i was like WELL. OKAY NVM THEN FUCK YOU#and he went ‘someones excited’#and then i fucked up his tea. i left the tea bag in too long and it looked like coffee and his housemates were talking about it and he#pointed to me and was like ‘yeah the teabag was left in too long.’#I DIDNT KNOOOW! IM STUPID#n e way. i told him his pancakes sucked and then we watched a movie together holding hands#theres lots of inbetween bits there but im not including them because i cant b asked#i was venting in the team room about my horrible shift yesterday and i fell very dramaticslly to the ground (dropped if u will) and he#started laughing and my other friend bursted into laughter and went ‘i love the drama kid performance’#my shift yesterday was so bad - i was working in 3 different areas! i was only suppose to be#i was meant to be on retail but i worked gsp retail AND costa#and when i went to get a drink (i needed it from carrying that building) my manager yelled at me#so i snapped - and then i was put on retail AND I HAD NOTHING. there was no cheese no wine no hotdogs no sweet popcorn no cash#no bitches no fun no time no life no will to live#i kept snapping at my mangers until i yelled ‘can i just have an extra hand on retial please?!’#and then when the queue went down i ran into the team room - my bf followed#and then i was like ‘wheres monse???? go get monse???’ and she so he gets her and i rant to both of them#and then i give con a kiss on the forehead and then i give monse one too so that she doesnt feel left out#and then i asked him to buy me food and he did and he brought me 2 snacks also
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There will not be a single moment next week in which I’m not running around doing something
#full time studying / volunteering at the refugee center / volunteering at two clinics#literally ab to have a meeting ab shadowing a doctor who’s researching ftd dementia in like 50 minutes#organic chemistry research 5 days a week bc ur bitch is trying to get published#hitting the gym 6 days a week. I’ll probably have to move it to mornings soon#meal prep#trying to snag a lowkey part time job#trying to read 30 minutes before bed#somehow have 2 fit a social life into this#I’m excited bc I finally feel like my time budgeting abilities are being put to the test BUT holy fuck .#studying will be my no 1 priority always. literally catch me doing anki cards in any pocket of free time I have#but I better live up to the challenge of juggling everything else too#ik I got this. and these are all things im choosing to do. not things I have to do#and I love being busy so it’ll be so fun#just had to be in awe for a second bc I used to admire girls who’re like this. and I am officially about to be one of them#p
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what if they murdered freeza together. as a treat.
what if we gave granolah a big ol kaiju vegeta and they stepped on freeza as a team instead of going to therapy
#with all due respect to goku ... Move lmao#nobody needs to see you kill freeza a third time let the people who have earned it have a go skldjask#granolah#vegeta#ego oozaru#dbtag#sketchbook#did i design geets ego!oozaru just for this au? bitch....maybe#no I just really like mandrill teeth and I think Ego deserved TEETH and it became a whole thing but#this is a very fun byproduct#tbh all i really want is to see Vegeta use straight up Destruction on Freeza I think that would be cool as hell#I think he should also maybe gift Granolah some of his many many saiyan years so Granolah can live a good long life like he deserves to
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i am not immune to launchpad sol and albin thoughts
#ramble tag#its so like. okay.#launchpad was when they 'peaked'. best years of their lives#the . i think what we canonically know happened at launchpad was like.#laquidditch (fun!) christmas special adventures (fun!)#and then . also#getting deeply bullied. sol lightly kidnapped to launchpad. lizer. claudius. 'you made us run until we threw up' 'im pretty sure he got off#on torturing kids'. literally what the fuck was their deal#getting stuck in a spiders web ???? for a semester ?????#......??? getting chased down by a vaccum cleaner ..........#'it got a lot darker near the end' ... fun pretend child endangerment#like . man.#not to sound CRAZY or anything. does anyone get the impression launchpad was like. a bad ? time ? for them ?? like. it just straight up. bad#by god does it rlly sound to me like#the feeling of when high school was so bad it made ur life a living hell to be in. and u were truly just. surviving#but then youd b goofing off w ur friends in a little dorm. and the stress and the exhaustion seems to color everything that isnt that.#in a beautiful hazy rosy golden film#it hurt but the hurt was monotonous and dull. so all u remember were those shining bright in betweens#sol and albie sneaking into the kitchen and enchanting the self moving cookingware and just seeing what happens#and watching mothership approved saturday morning cartoons in bed#and studying together late at night n sol tucks albin in after hes crashed from hiss allnighter#and passing notes in class#and all that free time over crittermas breaks to do stupid dares and long rambling conversations abt nothing#sol knits albie his first sweater#they have their first beer together#they come back after a really bad day for the both of them and lie on the floor and talk abt anything but that#albin practices spells on sol and its not a good or safe idea but its probably fine#albin pettily bitching about his assigned partner for an arcana class project and sol blindly tsking his side always#only wizards can check out library books and albie checks out all sols books for him#...... anyway
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youtube
yOu'Re gOiNg fOr a LiTeR? | "Habs react to Quebec Maple facts", 10.22.24
#guys this is not becoming a regular thing this is just the mental illinois breaking through but ALSO I SAW THIS AND SCREAMEDDDDD#they did this For Me. those are all my guys. like yes yes we know about xhekovský but that’s my adopted austrian son david reinbacher!!!#that’s my baby goalie carey price time travel cowboy son cayden primeau!!!! and i just LOVE that they were like#‘yeah so one of them is gonna be a bitch in both pairs. & yeah we’re gonna make them lose.’ & i am HERE for it. you know the media day vid#where they asked all of them who was brat on the team and like 75% said slaf which we all KNEW? yes. correct. even more evidence godddd#also empathize so much with him because i hate feeling stupid & he is notably like. a very smart guy w/good awareness of broader society#and sorry to get like this on a silly little post i’m about to fanfiction-ify before i have xhekovský hours but so much of this goes back#to the xenophobia in the nhl and how we treat players (not only that. people in north am/west tbh) whose first language is not english#and degrade/discredit them and their intelligence by virtue of their multilingualism and how we even think about multilingualism as a whole#e.g. the sense that certain languages are perceived as more ‘valuable’ capital/the support that SHOULD be there for language learning simpl#is not from what i can tell in the nhl so even if you wanted to foster an environment of intercultural competency they’re doing nothing to#support it. the stories!! of so many guys! reliant solely upon their teammates for basic necessities! WHERE is your language acquisition#programming. sorry the linguistics language and culture attempted to jump out there & i am not conveying what i want to say at ALL. anyway#juraj's slow descent into madness as u can SEE him visibly getting more & more over it & done is my roman empire. like he's having fun#at first he's laughing 'what is this whiskey?' & i AM thinking that toothy little grin at arber with the jerkoff hand motion about the mapl#syrup only taking a few minutes to come (out) was a dig. lord knows arber deserved it with his shorts pulled all the way up like GOD the me#you put here to wear slutty little 3" shorts live in cold CANADA and have to cover up their thigh tattoos. what a travesty. and the amount#of THIGH in this video i- biting. arber's hairy legs slaf's manspreading more as he gets frustrated & arber teases him i. and DAVID????#on a completely different note cayden with his face covered is giving me INTENSE brainworms i have the most unhinged storylines for him#AND THE BRYNDZOVE HALUSKYYYY everything past 2:00 is gold. david's tired sighs. slaf hating it here. arber having the time of his life#'taste' 'that's not an advantage' DAVID kill him. 'maple syrup specialist... normal guy 🤷' slaf you are the WORST loser and ily for it#arber defending his wife w/his life... juraj's the smartest guy in the room & arber's on his leash about it. it goes both ways (to be cont)#juraj slafkovský#arber xhekaj#david reinbacher#cayden primeau#montreal canadiens#i'm xhekovský posting leave me alone i'm also *****
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vaguely irritated every time I hear someone call my life depressing
#got it like 50 times this past week from multiple people and im like#bitch what the fuck#just because i complain about my life all the time doesn't mean i hate it?#i mean have you HEARD me bitch about CoD? AND I STILL PLAY IT#sure maybe if *you* were living like I do maybe you'd be depressed#which#skill issue tbh#get on my level#YOU CANNOT MATCH THE VIBE OF A 2AM CRAM STUDY SESSION#it is simply too powerful#anyways#i apologize for the rant#“go do something fun” well WHAT IF I ENJOY SCReAMING AT MY PHYSICS TEXTBOOK#no genuinely tho#so long as i actually get it in the end lol#the feeling of solving a problem you've been stuck on for hours or being able to just blaze through mcqs is unparalleled#besides maybe when im on like a 20 kill streak in CoD and keep getting to throw attack helicopters at people#i do realize how nerdy this sounds lmfao but yknow what. deal with it (⌐■_■)
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working in an art gallery and talking to a lot of full time artists has given me CRAZY imposter syndrome btw lmao
#i went to a local gallery today (not the one i work in)#and i was looking at this one artists work#and she used a lot of patterns but didnt go up to her#she came up to me as i was looking at her work like ' hi i see youre looking at my work which one do u like most' like okay#i had my headphones on at the time so it did scare me#anyway im really stuck thinking about her work#like shes got this lovely cluttered and messy and chaotic style with still life in one dimension#and she uses pattern and quilt-like grids and so much colour#and the chaos of her work is by far the best part#how nothing stays in their boxes andeverythings falling#its homely and DRAMATIC. which is a mix that doesnt always go together but is held together by the chaos of her work#AND THEN SHE PUTS COLLAGE QUOTES ON IT 'fly high in the sky like a butterfly'#AUUUGGGHHH it pisses me off so much. REALLY? THATS THE BEST QUOTE? no song lyrics no deepp meaning nothing to express the narrative? bitch#love her style but its KITCH shes KITCH her quotes are KITCH her subjects are KITCH <- lives in kitch central of the uk but WHATEVER#by the way im not exagerrating with fly high like a butterfly she really thought that was the quote to describe this chaotic scene like she#eight years old like what the hell. there ere others too the pissed me off#and then i talked to her and she was like. WEIRDLY insistant tht even though she used stencils and that her dughter and husbnd drew anythin#mildly complicated that she had still done a lot of work I HADNT SAID ANYTHING#but she was just BRUSHING OVER whenever i mentioned her patterns and stencils like she was ASHAMED#like what the hell im all for having fun with what you draw but youre three times my age and i can draw a bird better than our adult daught#also i spoke to her turns out she knows my stepdad so that was an odd link but whatever#anyway artists that give me imostersyndrome are my boss who does realism in WATERCOLOUR#oh the woman in the gallery also gave me a printed card whcih was cool since i was going to buy one just to be mad at
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i need to explode. Vent post
RAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH. FUCK. I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
I know and I fucking knew I wasn't going to find him, but my fucking God
How the fuck am I supposed to live like this
"Oh so I have a book character based off of an actual entity who haunted my brain for a little while in the form of alter possession because I had splits at one point and at any mention of him I go literally fucking shitballs insane and will do anything to see him again" like what the fuck is wrong with me /lh
I know I sound insane but that's. Insaner than shit.
Like wow I feel actually awful and freakish some days. I sometimes wonder if this is actually here or if it's just all in my head and some huge fucking coincidence. It seems like every time I get closer to figuring something out about him or anyone and anything associated with him, it's like I take 4 steps back.
And it's. Heartbreaking. I don't know how else certain things could even have possibly happened without his existence, but also am I somehow just making up all of this shit. Am I going to spend the rest of my life chasing after every redheaded transgender man I see only for my brain and my heart to be left. Empty. Because it's not him.
nobody's ever going to be him, and I doubt anyone would ever want to.
There's just a level of feeling abandoned that's never going to heal.
The only thing that helps is writing my books.
Seeing people connect to them. Seeing people connect to, and emulate, him.
That makes me feel less crazy. It makes me feel like maybe if it is all in my head and if nothing is actually real at least it was kind of worth it.
To quote bojack horseman, which i probably should not have watched:
"That means that all the damage I got isn't 'good damage'. It's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it and all those years I was miserable was for nothing."
This is what's. Just circling my brain. If he's not real then yeah I kept myself alive but why did I love. What was the point of it all. There are other people who love me and it's wonderful but sometimes I miss his smile and as fucked as it is I wish that I'd run into someone who's even slightly like him.
Just so that i can stare at them and. Like. Remember.
Redheaded long haired trans men it's your time to shine im summoning you from across tumblr, come tell me you love me
Bonus points if you're folklore obsessed, dress like a flamboyant dance student, like heels and bartend /j obviously
But like. I can't explain it. It's devastating i miss my brother man 👍
Thanks tumblr for listening to my tedtalk
#This arises because I spent all fucking day trying to find his stupid ass and all he did was send me on a date like a BITCH /lh#But seriously like I could cry ngl I miss him so much 👍#I make fun of him because if I don't I'm gonna get mad because of the fact that I know ill likely never see anyone like him again.#Life is worth it anyways but there's just constantly gonna be a hole where my heart is and occasionally the wound that's mostly healed over#Just flares up and rips open again#And then I have to cry about the fact that he just isn't and likely won't ever be here again.#But I don't have time to do that I've got a dinner to get to. /lh#Also if you've got red long wavy hair and you're trans and you have little freckles and a crooked smile and a pointy chin#And a penchant for mischief#I love you#You're not him but I appreciate your existence#Because somewhere out there you're living your own existence#But if we ever crossed paths however briefly#You still made my life a happier one#Being trans is hard enough on it's own id fucking know /lh#okay ill actually shut up now. But like. You get it#castalk#system stuff#did system#spirituality#demonology#angelology#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative system#vent post#dead relatives#Idk how to tag this#'Dead spiritual possessed found family' or smth#Where is my niche support group
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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it's still sooo funny to me how the party is fighting for their lives in the astral prism and shadowheart is just having her magical girl transformation somewhere out there. lynn jaheira wyll and gale having a few breakdowns while shadowheart is dying her hair for emo reasons. astarion probably helping her
#playing bg3#lynn is half illithid now guys yeahhh 👍#i wanted to try this path but my tool bar is literally dead. so many actions and spells and stuff#and illithid powers etc#but it will be fun. lynn is literally doing Such a bad job at trying to be a hero my poor babygirl...#so many things wrong with them... yet they keep trying to be good#this is why the wyllmance works#although the 'well met' greeting is absolutely killing me. can you guys hurry up w the patch for this particular reason pls#also due to meta reasons i gave up on the necromancer multiclass yesterday. it became unmanageable for my ass#my tool bar is already dead pleaseeee#i will always have the thay book that's what matters... im sorry wwx#also really not at all struggling w tactician lately so. not going crazy w the multiclassing for now#didnt even do the gloom stalker rogue thing this time (although it's been some time i have him in my party 😔😔😔)#(which is absolutely unbelievable but ive playing so scarcely and slowly lmfao#i had a moment in mind where i would switch my party but i still couldnt make it to that point ;;;;;#bc im progressing saurrrrr slowly :< i miss him dearly i watch his videos every day#which is embarrassing but it's the truth. can't live w/o that bitch at this point in my life)#also realizing if i wanna squeeze 1 more playthrough this summer i gotta hurry the fuck up#and stop playing this scarcely/slowly lol#but also realizing it's so Hard for me to play fast like i physically have to loot everything and read everything and do everything. ugh#anyway. we will see
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My life would have been soooo much easier as a cis guy I'm actually so mad
#vent again wahoo#but no genuinely i could have been living my best life but god's a little bitch he doesn't want me having fun & frolicking n the likes#like i wanna be a guy soooo so bad so bad#but the only way to do that is transitioning and call me lazy (i am) but that's just too much work imp#I'm a lazy bitch okay i don't have the time to run around convincing doctors to give me the boy serum. too much effort just give it to me rn#like if i actually wanna be happy I'll have to come out to my family and then come out to my extended family and my school and my job#and then i gotta step into the whole medical aspect of transitioning which is just a whole different Thing#i hate being trans there's too many Tasks can the Tasks stop for once please god#so yeah until i figure out what to do I'll just be miserable for now i guess#trans#transmasc
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16 classmates means 256 potential dynamics to explore if we only consider 1 on 1 interactions (which i will! ...until this sentence ends) and that means 256 drawings. considering that group interactions exist and it can be any combo that is... a way larger number.
i have 2 hands, 0 time and too much ambition!!
haha! oh no.
#i would like to live my life and also fundematally tear apart my hpfxtn from the inside out and roll in its guts#that's not really possible unfortunately#because TIME#bitches love to hate on me for “quality over quantity uwu” which is valid as FUCK babe you do you#i need to do me and me wants to be engulfed in the concept of interaction. yes specifically through ship art.#that means gotta go fast.#as in. i get told a lot i should not try to improve my drawing speed because i draw fast enough. they fail to consider that i want to!!!!#my brain is an enigma to me too im a barely functioning human if me having social competence comes in the form of free art then#my therapist is gonna make so much fun of me i guess#/lh#mind you. this here talking to myself? this is all silly bullshit ego. i know very well whatever i WANT to do ill end up drawing koquichechi#“ok me we made a plan to practice drawing subtle understated emotions with charact-” “what if we drew koquichechi slapstick instead”#“but the PLAN??” “look at that. it's koquichechi.”#and then i babysit myself into FORCING myself to draw shit i want to draw and would enjoy drawing but it takes SO LONG#an doing things that take time *takes time*. outrageous. how dare you. i hate it. (bla bla bla time is an illusion i KNOW)#and im still figuring out subtle. groooooaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!!!!#eh whatevs!#whether i make ANY of my bullshit projects real or not what matters is having fun with it before i die /lh#its gonna be okay#*yearning* i just think itd be cool!!#shut up maiora#rambling#i get threatened with violence constantly by art friends. they're so completely right.#anyway tell me all about your rare-pairs if you want!! i might scribble em in my free time :>#(use the ask box)#(yes platonic too!)#(i think itd be fun 👉👈)#(i wanna hear people's thoughts!!)#(might be done in pencil ^^')#(im getting distracted HAVE A NICE DAY BUHBYE)
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My parents did NOT like me 💀
#personal#vent#and now I will stop oversharing#but its so genuinely sad to me#even my grandma asked why my parents didn't appreciate how good they have it because we're like..#pretty decent kids. we don't ask for a lot. we don't expect a lot. we try our best where and when we can#we did well in school and BOTH have ambitions in life that were completely ruined and wasted from a childhood#of living in a broken home and being verbally beat down into a grain of salt and made to feel like nothing#no wonder I always view things as a competition half the time because my own DAD saw me as a competitor against him#why are you calling your daughter a dumb bitch and telling her you had way more friends and fun than I did#like?? okay???#are you having fun now? acting like I'm not your own flesh and blood and instead someone to be better than?#.......#I ranted in the tags iMSORRY#or no. i am not. view my uncomfortable oversharing and pain
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