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i-need-air · 4 years ago

Note

Hey, you can ignore this if you want. But, just a thought, hybrid Izuku? Like maybe he has a kinda bad past too, just because I live for the angst beginning to fluffy end.

Sorry it took me a couple of days to answer! I wanted to switch it up and I mainly had to think a way to make Izu work as a hybrid, so I decided to make him be a bunny hybrid [ blame his cute hero costume, srsly ] I ended up writing the small amount of 3.7k words somehow— [ listen, i get emotionally involved, ok??? 😭 ] I genuinely hope you like it! 💕

[ Masterlist ]

Hybrid!AU Bunny!Midoriya Izuku

× you looked at the man sitting in the corner of the cell, both petrified staring at each other

× his bunny ears were lowered, his green eyes widened in your direction

× all you could do was to stand still, shocked and without being able to even mask it

× he looked awful to say at least

× meanwhile the reception guy that accompanied you for a tour of the shelter whispered in your direction; "This one is in really bad shape. Very traumatized, poor soul..." he clicked his tongue before continuing "He's been sent here from another shelter cities away, I don't know much about him and he won't talk."

× you could not look away even if you tried

× the reason why you decided to pass by the shelter was because you offered to help voluntarily in the weekends as you had some free time

× you did read and hear horror stories about the shelters and the hybrids thrown in them, how underfunded they were, how bad the conditions there were and how little help they had but—

× even if you came prepared for the worst you got surprised with the state some of the hybrids were in

× specially this one; his name was on a plaque by his prison like cell— Midoriya Izuku

× he had bruises, cuts, his hands looked specially beaten up and scarred, his behavior was erratic, nervous, just a disaster...

× something deep inside told you to smile and show him you're no threat, so you did

× you introduced yourself and nodded your head, really trying to keep a calm composture but your heart hurt seeing him like that

× much to your surprise, he nodded back, still uncertain but didn't move from his place, far back in the cell

× you've been gently pushed away to continue the tour and to establish your tasks, all while being thanked for your kindness; you didn't know why you felt like throwing up at the indifference in the man's voice...

× there weren't many hybrids in the shelter anyway, yet you've gotten your scheduled hours in which you'd help clean and cook and as you left for the day after some introduction to those tasks; your mind still lingered on Midoriya Izuku even through the night, as his terrified eyes stole the sleep from you that same night

× the following two days you began your volunteering hours and always kept an eye for the hybrid; he was skittish and asocial even at lunch and dinner times, did not talk to any other hybrid and specially not to any worker there

× he caught your eyes multiple times whenever you'd be in his general proximity, yet you'd see him scurrying away instantly, which made you feel unease; you weren't any threat, really, so maybe with time...

× it's when you brought your own cleaning supplies [ because there were little to none ] and decided to help clean their "rooms", so called by the staff, when you firstly got to talk to him

× you reached his cell and he was reading an old book, probably borrowed from the small library they had; he snapped his eyes up when he heard you approach

× "Hello, Midoriya" you'd say gently, heart in your throat, really scared you'd frighten him

× he just nodded and looked away, not before giving your cleaning supplies a long look, knowing what's to come

× with his permission, he let you go inside as you started preparing everything to swipe the floors, putting the broom in a corner as you leaned down to pick some other stuff; what you didn't notice was how the broom was gently falling, almost about to hit you on the head

× the green-haired hybrid was on your side instantly, catching it; it would've been a small tap on your head and most out of the situation would've been you looking ridiculous but you chuckled at the scene and thanked him wholeheartedly

× smol bean blushed so hard you almost dropped everything in your hands at the sight; "N-no problem—" he stuttered, his voice sweet and shy 🥺

× he stood there fidgeting with the book in his hands watching you move around until you heard an unsure "Can I help you?" 🥺🥺

× you told him sure, if he'd like to, mainly worried he really didn't want you in his "territory" but the man took it as an invitation and—

× it didn't stop at his cell? he helped you all day???? you cleaned around together but not without an awkward air around both; which ngl it's funny bc he's staring whenever you talk to everyone, clean, help, so on; big round eyes are always on you;;; IF YOU LOOK THO, oops— "what an interesting wall right there!" - Midoriya, probably.

× it's from then that you notice a switch; whenever you're at the canteen, he's there offering to help, looking just as skittish as always but a small blush always on his face

× whenever you'd be playing with the younger hybrids he'd watch in awe bc you treat them so well

× exactly when he actually starts talking to you more too! he's in the impromptu playground with you and the few little ones when he suddently drops your name in a stutter and says you're kind-hearted

× you almost drop dead in the spot bc his look, man; you haven't seen him so sure of something until now and it did something to you

× it's been a month and hybrids came and got adopted, yet your new friend wasn't really getting any attention; he really acted terrified and you of course questioned his behavior; you knew nothing of his past but seeing the way he acted it could've been just awful

× as you started to slowly engage in larger conversations with Izuku, it's at the canteen that this time you've been caught staring; at his hands in particular

× he was helping you cook, which he really didn't know how to do but tried nonetheless just because he really enjoyed being around you [ or so you assumed, hopeful ]

× when he realizes where you're looking at, you almost dreaded him retracting from the situation like he used to do but he just looks down at them too and sighs

× "I was at a fighting ring—" he said, pursing his lips "—but I'm a rabbit hybrid... a prey... they used me as a punching bag."

× your heart rips in two as you're speechless; even if you tried to be careful with your movements not to spook the man, you could not help yourself by putting your hand on his

× and that's how Midoriya Izuku died, end of HCs 💀

× just kidding; he almost fainted, face fully red as his ears perked up, staring at you with big eyes yet did not move an inch

× and even if his face would've been adorable in any other situation, his words remained imprinted in your mind as you squeezed his hand in yours

× "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Izuku" you whispered back at him; he just nodded and blabbered something before continuing with the task clumsily

× boy is broken for the rest of the day, that's what I'm implying

× bad news got to you when you found out you couldn't go to the shelter anymore to help; your hours got increased at work and your shift was all over the place and even if you really did talk with your boss, it was decided that for now you had to adapt

× dread filled your gut when you realized you couldn't see Izuku anymore and with that you noticed how fond you grew of him, that's why you loathed the next visit there

× but— you really wanted to see him more; getting to spend time with him and helping around was what got you through the week...

× you told him slowly that same Saturday and it visibly broke him

× he tears up and tries to mask it as best as he can, yet he nods understanding

× "Will— Will I ever see you again?" the soft tremble in his voice shook you to the core

× "Of course. Every day, if you'd like." you blurted;;;;; he blinks at you, tears stopping just to have his head tilted to the side, ears flopping with the movement. "Would you like to come home with me?" you say, idea just popping in your head and balling it;

× he cries harder then he nods

× everything about your volunteering ceasing for the time was already filled in, you guys just needed to fill some paperwork for him, grab his little to no belongings and get the hell out

× small gym-bag in hand, i sweat to god, this man is overwhelmed with being outside

× stays glued to your side all the time, specially on busy streets towards your home

× once you feel him grab on your shirt just for precaution and you melt?? but let him have it

× once you arrived, you see tension leave his body as he smells his surroundings; mf drops a "It smells like you here" through a smile before realizing what he said and getting all flustered 💀

× sooo you move past that as you can and show him around, a spare bedroom not long ago used by your old roommate offered to him

× you only see his surprisingly muscled back as he enters the room and drops the gym-bag on the floor

× he slowly turns around to look at your face and fat ass tears run down his cheeks, not being able to say a word even if he tried

× hands-down the scene almost gives you a panic attack; he then asks if it's all for him and you assure him that indeed it is when he cries harder...

× ok, that again shreds your heart but it wouldn't be the last time

× like for example the moment of utter disbelief he threw at you when you asked him what he wanted to eat that night and he didn't know how to respond because nobody, ever, asked him; you got that as a response after asking if you said something wrong

× or the following Monday, when you suggested you went to do some shopping for him in the morning, since there wouldn't be many people and it would be calmer

× the look of awe in his face, istg...

× from then on he opens up pretty nicely too; it's such a refreshing sight to see him tell you about how he learned to use the computer, TV, phone— the sparks in his eyes whenever he talks of something new he learned? imagine it and now you've gained 20 more years of lifespan, you're very welcome

× such a soft cutie, i swear 🥺 always asks things about you and gives you the same sparkly eyes when he learns more about you

× it does take him some time to come out if his shell though

× you fastly realize he's a nerd; oops, but it's true, and definitely isn't a bad thing! he just really likes to learn about everything and anything and I feel he genuinely likes to tell you about those new facts

× i hope you like them bc when he learned new cool stuff he made a note to tell you about them bc he thought you'd find them cool too and—

× is very tidy and helps around the house, but when it comes to being social he just freezes

× you ask him if he'd like to go for walks and you see him itching to go out for some fresh air, although the thought of other people...

× with time and small walks around the neighborhood, he overcomes the fear as long as you're by his side

× will definitely want to go back to the shelter to volunteer even if you can't, but the fear of walking there just overtakes him again since he'd have to do it alone

× mentions it though

× his expression is so uneasy bc he feels like a burden

× maybe you could work around your schedule to take him there and pick him up? he genuinely loved giving a hand at the shelter so if you do, Izu would be so thankful

× in a few weeks he'd gain the confidence to walk alone

× one 💕adorable💕 thing he does without even thinking is jumping around you, or just in place

× "Today little Miya got adopted!" he'd say, hopping slightly in place "I could tell they were good people too! They had good intentions... just like when I saw you for the first tim—"

× so he mumbles without thinking;; and sometimes blurts out cute stuff like that but when he realizes what he's saying he gets very shy 🤭

× he has this fluff smol tail but we don't talk about it;;; no, no, it's too much for us, I promise you it's the cutest fucking thing you've seen in your whole existence and it moves a little bit and we all die here???? he hides it though, pft

× so fluffy we gonna dieeeee

× he steals your blankets

× hear me out, omg! he does!! if you have small blankets you just throw over yourself to stay on the couch or anything, sometimes they'd dissappear only to be found in his room; he's very sneaky about it but cracks under [the zero] pressure you put on him, leading him to say "It's because whenever you're not around, I like to have something close to me that smells like yOu! it makes me feel sAfe—" his voice cracks "BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO, I'LL STOP, I JUST—" he'd placate his hands instantly, apologizing

× tell him it's okay and now your hoodies are gone too lmfao

× he's a muscular guy too so consider buying really big ones just for him to wear;;; after you wore them;;;;;;

× says sorry a lot and that's a thing you have to work with a lot

× if he messes up something, he will apologize instantly; if you tell him to stop bc you don't mind he forgot to put the washing machine as he promised he will act like he's the worst

× as if he feared you'd get angry...

× i know it's a recurring topic but give him time

× whenever you both have free time and hang around the house, he'll be on the couch reading near you

× eyes you constantly and he's so obvious about it it's ridiculous; you can see him from the corner of your vision when he turns his head to check on you so through a smile you have to ask him if he needs anything

× what's fantastic is that he's getting over the point of being scared to speak out around you YET he stutters, blushing

× "N-no, nothing!" but he's observing your comfortable form with much interest

× "Wanna... cuddle with me?" [ 's not like you read about bunny hybrids and how they need skin contact which definitely didn't make you uwu and die in the spot bc that's so 🤧💕😭💘🥺 but you waited for him to show any signs that he'd want that; we're respectful like that, mhm ]

× his fluffy ear twitches

× shock, disbelief, blush

× it twitches again

× blushes harder then nods

× sksjdkdjd he's by your side instantly though with no idea of what to do

× good lord, he's so stiff; why don't you grab a blanket to throw it over both of you, hmm?

× he'd bury himself into it then into your arms and soon he'll find out being there is his favorite place in the galaxy

× since his mind drifted to galaxies, Izu then starts talking about constellations bc he's nervous

× so when you rub his back he melts into you with a happy sigh yet when your hand reaches his hair, almost about to touch the top of his head mindlessly as you hum at his words

× he flinches— then you stop to look down at him, catching him wide eyed staring into nothing

× you don't even know why you apologize; maybe his horrified face?

× but before you can form a full sentence he interrupts you

× "Don't apologize. It's not your fault—" he'd glue his eyes on you "I— I used to get bullied a lot back then... they'd pull my ears..."

× without any other explanation you take your hand away, placing it on his shoulders, mainly feeling out of place again; every time he speaks of his past, it just gets worse...

× "But! But I trust you, [Y/N]. I really do." and he leads your hand back to his head

× 🥺💕💕💕💕💕

× then, with convinced features, he drops his head on your chest and snuggles for some good seconds before it clicked to him

× now he's apologizing

× until you ruffle his hair and he just experiences bliss in real life

× massage his scalp and say goodbye to ever leaving his side, you're now in his firm grip until the end of time but who's complaining

× like he has no shame anymore, it feels that good

× he can hear your heartbeat, as fast as it is, and he snuggles further into you; it's his lullaby

× now let's get to business

× look: he's adorable, sweet, doting, cares about you and about hybrids, he's actively trying to get out of his shell, he's built but tender, couldn't hurt a fly;

× don't lie to yourself, you've got a big fat crush

× little did you know this guy right here liked you from the moment you introduced yourself to him, months prior

× the issue is Izuku is really insecure; after hearing his whole life that he's inferior to both humans and some hybrids, he started believing it

× and comments whenever you're outside with him do not help

× he has a spectacular hearing

× doesn't miss how people whisper about you two, even if you mind your own business doing whatever

× it's mostly older people, judgemental and disgusted with hybrids that call you a freak for having one, that call him an abomination

× he tries so hard to ignore them but his behavior changes back to his silent old self, yet this time he doesn't cower anymore although grips his pants until his scarred hands are white, not answering back to you if you talk

× you have to assume he's again uncomfortable outside so you suggest leaving, not sure how to behave

× he kinda snaps on your way back home when there's nobody around

× stops in the middle of the road, looking down, brow furrowed and trembling lips

× "Am I never going to be good enough for you?" he'd clench his teeth

× "Izu—, what...?"

× the determined glare he sends you stops you in your tracks

× "Because I want to be. I want to be better for you."

× 😳

× basically confesses in a dramatic way as he's overtaken with emotions then screeches bc oh no what if you don't feel the same so "I-It's okay if you don't feel the same! If you're uncomfortable I can move back to the shelter!! I'm so sorr—"

× smooch him pls????

× and share your feelings just to give him a stroke lmfao

× he'll take the initiative to grab your hand and walk home like that, the other on his face covering it

× peck his lips and he malfunctions every time

× but loves it

× be sure of this: after that night, he's so soft for you and won't hide it

× he's a creature of contact, meaning his fingers will linger on your form, he will seek your form, he will want to snuggle his face in your neck, he definitely will stare at your lips for too long bc he's still shy and embarrassed by his confession to make a move; smooch him pt. 2

× he's so— adorable; he finds himself in front of your bedroom door with your blanket in his arms and has an existential crisis

× you see his shadow at the small creak under the door and akfjaksj

× open the door and let him sleep with you ffs I'm having a stroke for him

× can he be the little spoon? or can you two hug face to face? it's just that 🥺 he feels safe with you like that, a feeling he's been always missing

× any time you're in his arms or vice-versa he breathes out as tension leaves his body; best place in the whole universe, no hesitation.

× he's a petty lil shit, let me tell you that, ok??

× someone flirts with you? lol k he's behind looking not intimidating at all but he's frowning, his ears are twitching and chest puffed

× takes your hand just to prove a point

× talking about his hands

× kiss them, caress them, anything

× he just... yes, pls, do that

× whenever you're not looking he's giving you the gentlest smile and even if you notice, his lips will curl even more before he throws a compliment at you

× pretty much likes your reactions bc he's always the one that's flustered the most between the two [ genuinely doesn't matter if you get flustered or not, he just tops that energy 100x more ]

× likes to know he has the same effect you have on him on a daily basis

× will try to find a job at something he's interested in and i definitely see him finding one at a library or something like that

× he enjoys the silence, completely different from his old loud and over the place life, and also loves books

× unrelated hc but i just imagined Izu whispering the words out loud whenever he reads without noticing it; his green eyes focused in the book, face concentrated and ears low to not get in his field of vision; want to make him happy? listen to him and when he finally notices you, tell him to go on~

× he's the embodiment of akfwpdkslfjjwj 💕

× honestly your life with him is peaceful

× the way he loves is gentle, really sweet and it all revolves about peace in your household

× he adores you to no end and thanks you for helping him improve himself

× and getting him out of a life without a goal or purpose

× gets out of his way to help you, always you and wants to prove he's good enough

× he already is and you better tell him

× give this baby all the love he deserves and you'll get just as much in return

× I'm soft for him oml 💘

#midoriya izuku x reader #deku x reader #midoriya x reader #izuku x reader #midoriya headcanons #hybrid!au #hybrid!midoriya #hybrid!deku #noirewrites

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hiddennerdworld · 4 years ago

Text

Dating the Bakusquad Headcanons pt 1 (Sero and Kaminari)

Help there are no gifs of this boi. Help there’s no screen time of this boi *cough cough*

Hanta Sero

Very good listener and loves when you talk to him

He’ll keep eye contact but as you’re talking he’ll play with your hands

Speaking of which LOVES holding hands. All the time. Not much more than that Bc he doesn’t wanna make people uncomfortable, but hand holding is a must, if you are also comfortable

HAMMOCK CUDDLES

awesome cuddles in general bc he has amazing playlists and his room is chill and he smells good and he’s Sero, but HAMMOCK

After knowing you for a bit he can tell when you’re feeling off. He’ll sneak in some extra hugs if you like them. Won’t bug you about it tho

Does the same when he’s feeling down. He’ll come up to you and be like “hug please?”

Is very honest. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, he’ll tell you and won’t try to hide how it’s affecting him.

But if he’s comfortable and thinks it would help he really appreciates when you listen to him

Will also play with your hands while he’s taking

Notices little things about you. Doesn’t remember when there’s a test, but remembers your favorite flower when you mention it once in passing.

He’s a little shit. Does everything in his power to make you all flustered and blushy (even tho it doesn’t take much) and will do it all while having his signature shit-eating grin. Will tell you he’s teasing and he finds you adorable, which will only make it worse.

Saw this somewhere (sorry i forgot where exactly) but I absolutely agree. Will call you cute, normal pet names like babe or sweetheart, but will also call you weirder ones like bean or snail

Will show you songs, videos, memes, anything that remind him of you. Doesn’t matter what time it is, he’ll just send it to you. Or he’ll wait and tell you in person when he remembers

King of spontaneous dates. He’ll just show up at your dorm and say “come on let’s go” and just grab you without telling you anything.

So, we all agree he would attempt the Spider-Man kiss right? Yea? Good. Great.

You were just getting done brushing your teeth before bed when you heard a noise in your room, but thought nothing of it. You stepped out of the bathroom to see your boyfriend standing right in front of your window. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

“Whoa, whoa, hey! It’s just me, love. Quiet down you’ll get us caught.” He said with his hands up. He walked over and gave you a hug and a peck on the fore head.

“Oh sorry for thinking some creep was sneaking into my room because you didn’t tell me you were coming over.” You said with your arms now crossed over your chest.

“What? I’m not allowed to visit my beautiful partner.”

“Not if you’re gonna scare me half to death, you’re not.”

He put his hands on your shoulders and smirked at you. “Here I was thinking I was being nice coming over to tell you how cute you were in class today.” You were blushing while looking at the ground now. “Especially when you got all blushy when I caught you staring in calculus. Then I winked at you and you got all shy on me.” He tilted your chin up to look at him, but you still were too flustered to make eye contact. “Kinda like how you are right now.” Your face got even more red and he chuckled a bit.

“Shut up, Hanta!” You said as you playfully slapped his shoulder.

He saw you pouting and pulled you back into a tight hug, putting his chin on the top of your head. “You know I love you, slime.”

Denki Kaminari

Thinks you’re the coolest person ever. Like for real. And he tells everyone about you

Cheesy pick up lines for days. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together.

“Tunnel of Love” by ilyTOMMY reminds me of him so much and idk why. Maybe he’ll play it, sing it, dance to it(?) idk. No matter what it’ll just be associated with your guys relationship

May give you little shocks on accident when you first get together. It’s bc he’s nervous

His most romantic moments are always accidental. For example, when he gets super excited to show you the sunset. He says it always reminds him of you bc you’re both beautiful. Doesn’t even notice the effect that statement had on you. He was so casual bc he’s just stating the obvious. And when it happens he’ll grab your hands and be like “oh hey look look!”

When he does try to plan things, it’s super sweet, but he tends to overthink and get very nervous. It’s the thought that counts tho

You guys always gotta be touching in some sorta way. Like holding hands or sitting so close your thighs are touching. Little things

But also won’t hesitate to kiss you in front of people to get you all blushy. Thinks it’s adorable plus he has no shame.

Very touchy person but probably won’t initiate a lot of things. Once you let him know you’re cool with something he’ll never stop, but idk if he’d be able to get himself to do it otherwise

Late night dates are the go to. Night drives, movie marathons, stargazing, you name it

Wants so badly to impress you (I think he likes to receive words of affirmation and give physical touch in terms of love language). Example, he will do as many tries as possible to win a prize for you if you go to a carnival.

Is absolutely crushed by guilt if he ever forgets something important to you like an anniversary or birthday. Will beat himself over it even if you tell him it’s okay. He’s disappointed he wasn’t there for you.

Also whenever he gets you a gift, it’ll involve him, if that makes sense. Like it could be a lightning bolt necklace or matching pajamas or a game he wants you to play together. He wants it to be memorable

DING! DING! DING! Finally after the fifth try, your boyfriend, Kaminari, hit the bell at the top of “Test Your Strength” booth at the summer fair. He walked back to you with a teddy bear in his arms while you had a giant smile on your face.

“For you, m’darling” he bowed while handing you the giant plushie. He was so excited he finally got it for you!

You take it and give the fluffy bear a hug. Right afterwards you gave Denki a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Thank you, Muscle Man. I love it!”

With one arm linked with Kaminari’s and the other holding the plush, you guys continued to enjoy the fair.

He may have been playing it cool on the outside, but on the inside Kaminari could barely hold it together. Y/N gave me a kiss! And they called me a muscle man! And now they’re leaning on me and holding my arm! And the whole time they had this huge beautiful smile on their face! Holy shit how can one person be this adorable? He almost short circuited.

#mha headcanons #my hero academia #mha fluff #hanta sero #sero fluff #sero headcanons #denki kaminari #kaminari fluff #kaminari headcanons

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kim-ruzek · 4 years ago

Text

All The Ways A Heart Can Break

Summary: He remembers all that, and all the moments like that. And that’s why he knows that if he has the chance to make her smile, make her day he’ll always take it, even if it ends like this, even if it ends with her on a date with Roman and him alone, in his apartment, getting drunk, with only his self-hatred and pity to keep him company.

Adam turns up at the theatre, only to see Kim walk in with Roman.

Fix-it for 3x18/19. Very angsty, but it does have a happy ending. Technically has some Roman bashing in!!!

Warnings: angst!!!

Word Count: 16.3k words. (Only the first 2k is here, you'll have to read the rest on AO3, which will be linked both here and at the bottom of this post, due to length!)

Read on AO3

Notes: I hope y'all enjoy!!! This has been a labour of love and I'm so excited to finally share. A special thank you to @justanoffalygirl bc without their reactions to the snippets I sent, I might've given up!

Adam stares at himself in the mirror, the self-doubt and uncertainty he’s feeling staring back at him. There are so many reasons this is a bad idea, so many reasons why he should just get out of these clothes, why he shouldn’t go out, why he should just stay at home and drink his weight in beer.

The probability of this going bad than good is high, that the chance that he’ll be home again within in the hour, his heart torn afresh again, is too much of a possibility that he should just cut the going out part, and just skip to the self-hatred part of the evening.

If he had any sanity, any logic or rationality, he’d listen to that voice that quotes him the statistics, that tells him it gets harder and harder to hear her rejections, and it’s not worth it. But Adam’s team doesn’t affectionately call him a bit of a dumbass for no reason.

It’s not like this is a hasty decision. It’s been days of confusion, of contemplation, of questioning and uncertainty. Days of weighing up the pros and cons, and despite the cons outweighing the pros, this is the conclusion he came to. That he might be getting rejected again, that he may have a rough evening ahead of him, but no matter how high those chances are, the small chance that it’ll go well, that he’ll make Kim smile, make her happy, is worth all the pain he’s chancing.

Adam had been deep in concentration, so focused on the paperwork he was filling out, that when his phone had buzzed with the reminder which set off these chain of events, he had initially thought it was a text, not immediately recognising the difference in tone.

Assuming it had been some random text from his sister, or father, or even Kev seeing if he wants to escape from the monotony of paperwork and make a quick trip to the vending machine, he had picked up his phone, looking at it casually.

He wishes, even now days later, that he had realised it wasn’t a text, that it was a reminder. That he had been prepared in some way for the punch to the gut the reminder caused, the way it didn’t just remind him to make sure his suit was ready, but that it reminded him how much his life has changed since the day he made it, reminded him how much he’s lost since.

Reminded him that his biggest concern isn’t making sure that he doesn’t prove Kim right, that he has to set a reminder so that Kim isn’t right in her statement that he’ll forget to make sure his suit is ready.

Reminded him that in the few months since he made that reminder, he’s lost everything, lost his happiness, lost the future he thought he was going to have, lost his girl.

Reminded him of how he made the reminder with a smug grin, sitting on his bed, listening to Kim list all the examples of times he forgot to prep his clothing from the bathroom. Reminded him of how he pictured this going, of him getting his suit ready, of her realising he had, of the smug playful way he was going to wrap her up in his arms, trailing her skin with barely-there touches in the way that he knows gets her all bothered and needy for him, of how he was going to growl against her how she owes him an apology, of murmuring into her ear, telling her exactly how she could apologize to him.

Reminded him that he had made it when everything was okay, when he had Kim, when he was happy, when his heart was fine, unbroken, full of love.

When Adam didn’t have to look back on his memories of Kim and wonder if she was actually happy, if she was actually smiling because she wanted to, because she was happy, content, or if it fake, that she was miserable and he just didn’t notice.

When he didn’t have to wonder, question, analyse, dissect all his memories of her, of all their interactions, didn’t have to wonder if their playful banter was just that, if their little harmless and half-playful, affectionate arguments were really so little or harmless or if it was just another missed sign. Was she happy, in despair of him but happy, or was his habits, his casual forgetfulness really grating on her that much?

When all his memories of her wasn’t tainted with these questions, when he could look back at them, and just get lost in the happiness, of the love, because they were happy memories with the love of his life. When he didn’t have to wonder if they were really happy memories, or was it just her being miserable with him and him being an oblivious dick?

Adam had put down his phone after reading the words, turning back to his paperwork, trying to focus on the words and not on the agony twisting in his heart. All while trying to keep an impassive expression, maintaining that everything is okay, that he doesn’t once again feel like the walls are too close and he can’t breathe, not wanting his unit to realise something is wrong.

He had dismissed the notification, making it disappear from his phone screen, never to appear again, but the damage was done; there was no dismissing it from his mind.

From that point to now, Adam’s been in hell, in a constant state of heartbreak, of confusion, of contemplation. It should’ve been just as easy as dismissing it from this phone, the reminder just another relic from his life before Kim left him. It was just something he set before and had forgotten about, there was no reason for it to affect him.

Maybe it’d cause him to drink a little more at night, causes his self-hatred increase, causes his mind be occupied by thoughts of just how much he fucked everything up. And it did, but it also changed things. It made him wonder what he should do about it, made him remember that Kim will have two tickets she ordered when they were together, and made him wonder if he should approach her about it, ask about it.

Made him wonder if he should offer to pay her back, wonder if he should maybe make sure he’s fine if she wants to take someone else, like Nicole.

Made him wonder if he should tell her he’ll still go with her, if she wants. Adam knows her, knows how she’ll be in turmoil over these tickets as well, knowing how she hates wasting stuff, but also knowing how she hates going to things alone.

He had mulled over this for days. Kim had made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want him to talk to her, didn’t want him to discuss anything about them, about the engagement, about the life they were going to share together, and that should’ve made it easy for him. That he should’ve been able to stop thinking about that damn play, about the reminder, about her, but he couldn’t. His thoughts constantly plagued by the question, that if he should ask her how they should proceed, inform her that he’s still an option if she’ll have him.

Adam had planned out what he would say to her, that he’d just casually bring it up when he sees her, or even just shoot her a casual text—ignoring how if his heart was beating even a fourth as it was when he was planning this he could hardly call it casual—saying that they were friends first, so if she needs company, he’s there. As a friend.

Although if Adam is honest with himself, and the way thoughts of her have consumed so many of his thoughts since they met, Kim and him have never just been friends. It’s not something he likes to reflect on, unless he’s got her in his arms because that reminds him that he may feel like a bit of dick for it but she’s worth it, but they’ve always had this spark, this connection between them. It’s never not been a casual, at-ease state for him to just flirt with her, to watch her blush, to see her flirt back, and that’s not friendship.

And yet again, if he’s honest with himself, it wasn’t just heartbreak, confusion and contemplation that he’s been feeling these past few days. It’s hope. He shouldn’t, he should chase away, to squash all that hope with the memory of her leaving him, that hope and Kim shouldn’t go hand in hand, not anymore, but despite all that, he hoped.

Hope, because this could be the thing he’s been waiting for, the doorway in, the step to getting her to talk to him, to stand near him for more than thirty seconds, for her to look him in the eyes. Hope that maybe, just maybe, if he offered to go with her, it’ll be the start of them again, that he could get her back.

In the end, he didn’t approach her, didn’t text her with that offer, just too caught up in his doubt and self-hatred. Caught up in the memory of her leaving him, caught up in the uncertainty he has towards all their happy moments. Caught up in wondering that if he didn’t notice just how miserable she was with him, what if she agreed to let him accompany her out of politeness, and he doesn’t notice that as well.

Up until a month ago, Adam had prided himself of knowing everything about her, of reading her so effortlessly, but he didn’t see her leaving him, didn’t see her being fine with the breakup, and now he’s not sure of anything.

For all he knows, he could be wrong. Kim might not be in turmoil over these tickets, she may be assured and certain with what she wants to do with them, if she wants to go, if she wants to take anyone with her. He’s been so wrong about everything else, why not this?

There’s a part of him that wishes that would be that. But Adam doesn’t have it in him for to let it go, he can’t, no when Kim’s concerned. He may not have asked her, might of chickened out, weighed down by the cons until it was too late, but he can’t not do something.

So here he is, dressed in his suit—tie and all, despite how much he hates it—preparing to potential gets rejected. He hadn’t originally planned to wear the tie, having planned to win Kim over with the undone buttons, but they’re not together, he can’t just flirt and seduce his way out if things, and he needs to show that he’s just trying to be a friend, that he’s serious and just doing something nice, not playing an angle.

Adam knows this is a bad plan. To not even ask her, or bring it up first, to just turn up outside. To see if she’s decided to go, if she’s taking her sister or even someone like Lindsay—they may not be together anymore, but he still notices things, like the two of them bonding.

But the thought of her turning up alone, feeling shy and out of place because of it, and knowing that he could make her night, make her happy, just by showing up is the only thing he needs for the resolve to stick to this plan, to ignore all the reasons why he shouldn’t go.

CONTINUE ON AO3

#burzek #kim burgess x adam ruzek #kim burgess #adam ruzek #chicago pd #burzek fic #chicago pd fanfiction #Ree writes #ree's.writing

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red-becca · 3 years ago

Text

The History Of Wrong Guys

If you wanna know where I got inspiration for this, either listen to the song with the same title or watch a Creek animatic with the same title, as well. I actually did write a Creek one before. Back when Red was just a background character and a Craig punching bag. But now, Red is her own character for me. I actually wish I could draw/ animate bc I want an animatic of this. But writing about it is good too.

Second, I see Tweek and Red as besties... Just cause. For funsies. I did it back when Red and Craig were cousins and I still do it now because I see it as an interesting dynamic.

And last thing, before you go at me, the list of wrong guys at the near end is just crackships I may have shipped at some point and just put there for fun, hehe. So, yeah. Please, don't come at me.

---

"Thanks again for managing to get me a job here, Tweek! Now, we get to hang out twice as much now without me feeling like I disrupt your work!" Red laughed as she waited for Tweek to finish tying her apron from behind.

"Pft..." Tweek jokingly tied her apron really tight on her waist, making her let out a small noise of pain. "Yeah, well... You can thank me for getting you this job by working hard, alright? Not by ogling at boys. Which I know is the real reason you got this job..." He playfully rolled his eyes before giving her a wink. "Also, you never disrupted me at work, girlfriend. In fact, I'm glad to have a girl best friend like you who takes the time to visit me during work."

Red let out a long breath as she untied the tight knot he made, tying it up herself properly. "So much for helping me with this apron..." She pouted then snickered, giving him an eye- roll back. "And please... That is the last thing I'll be doing. I am so done with guys now after what happened with my last boyfriend. I've had too many boyfriends at this point that I could write a whole book about them." She rolled her eyes again, putting her hands on her hips.

Tweek just gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Red, don't you worry. You'll find that right guy who'll sweep you off your feet, I just know it. I mean, just look at me. I'm not exactly the typical uber masculine male nor am I... Okay, you get the point. I don't want you berating me about bringing myself down and all. Ironic, really, since you do it a lot to yourself." He rolled his eyes afterwards.

"Mmm, no, not really..." Red laughs softly at him, making the blonde sigh heavily. "What? You didn't really make a clear point, okay?"

"Fine. My point is that... We all get a chance at finding the right person for us, no matter who we are." Tweek smiled before snickering. "Like take Craig as an example... For being such an asshole, he got a long- time boyfriend. Then again, I'm not that purely nice, either. But you get my point now, right?"

The redhead just rolls her eyes at the mention of the raven's name, making her exit the employee's room before him. "Ugh, please... Asshole is an understatement to what Craig is. Fucking asks me to be his girlfriend and yet he never treated me like I was... Why I stupidly said yes back then, I have no idea..." She sighed as she sat behind the counter, resting her head on the palm of her hands. "And how you get him to treat you so nicely, I don't know either."

Tweek just chuckled at her actions. "Well, that's how true love works. This might sound really corny but we end up acting differently around the person we love."

"So, what you're saying is that Craig never loved me when he asked me out back then?" She playfully pouted at him as he nodded at her. "Okay, ouch. Brutal honesty that I already knew. But still, ouch." She pretended to look hurt, putting a hand on her chest.

"Mmm, yes. No point in sugar coating things for you, Red." Tweek pinches one of her cheeks hard. "You're a big girl now, after all."

"Gah! Hey!" Red groaned, slapping his hand away. "So, are we working or what?! Seems like I'm just even more of a distraction now that I'm working with you!"

He snickered. "Well, yes. Go on and do the honors of opening up, then. Since you're so excited to get to work and stuff..." Tweek stood behind the counter, right next to where she was standing.

"Tch, well... I don't just want to paid for not doing anything, you get me?" She raised a brow at him, turning the sign at the door as she did so. And she was gonna say more to him until she heard a thud from the door, making her jump. "Jesus Christ!"

A tall looking male wearing glasses was the person who bumped into the shop's doors, giving the girl who was looking at him from inside a small wave before going inside himself. "Heh, sorry about that, Red... Still getting used to these glasses of mine..." He said as he adjusted them. "Ironic how I need them to see yet ever since I started wearing them, I bump into stuff more..."

Red blinked rapidly, giving the stranger in front of her a confused look. "I, uh... It's okay, I guess?" She let out nervous laughter. "I'm sorry, but who are you? And how do you know my name?"

"Red, are you serious? I get glasses and suddenly you don't recognize me? Wow, Superman's disguise actually works, then." He snickered, taking off his glasses for her to recognize him. "It's me! Kevin!"

The female went red soon after she realized who it was, giving him a quick onceover. "Kevin?! As in... Kevin Stoley?! No way! When did you get so much more taller?! And hotter too?! I mean-!" She immediately covered her mouth after she said that.

Kevin started blushing with her, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he puts his glasses back on. "Heh, yeah... That's me. Kevin Stoley, the name my parents gave me. And wow... You really think I'm all that? Thanks, I guess... We've only not seen each other for like a month... I couldn't have changed that much, have I?" He looks back at her with a shy smile.

His smile got her heart racing, opening her mouth as she tried to say something but nothing came out. "I... Uh... Yes?" She managed to squeak out, giving him a few shy giggles as she rubbed the back of her head.

"Well... As long as it's a good change, I guess it's fine..." He replied, chuckling once before everything between them suddenly became awkwardly quiet.

That was until Kevin's friends came into the store after him, Bradley smacking him behind his back as he passed him. "We're gonna be sitting over there if you need us, alright?" He said, pointing to the table where two other people have just sat in. "Though we don't mind if you take a while... What with you being distracted and all that~" He teased which immediately got him a punch on the shoulder from Kevin.

Kevin gave out nervous laughter, dismissing what Bradley said with a frantic waving of his hand. "Ignore what my friend just said there, Red. I'll be back with all my friends' orders, okay?" He gave her the same smile from earlier before running off back to his friends.

Red sighed happily as she watched him walk away, a hand on her chest as her heart started to race again and a small smile formed on her face.

"Well, well, well~ Guess who's ogling a guy at work after she said she wouldn't?" Tweek teased as he stood behind her. "Also, told ya that you would find the guy that would sweep you off your feet, Red~ Just didn't think it would happen right after I said it." He chuckled, patting her shoulder.

Red scoffed out loud as her hair matched her face, brushing his hand away from her shoulder. "Tch! No, I'm not! What are you even talking about? Nuh-uh! No way! I'm just surprised to see him again! That is all and it! End of story!" She huffed, grabbing a broom and started to angrily sweep the floor.

Tweek sighed at this, playfully shaking his head. "Alright, you fucking tsundere. Whatever you say there..." He gave a playful eyeroll before walking back to the counter.

"I am not a tsundere!" Red yelled on the top of her lungs, making Kevin and his friends look her way. "Oops, sorry about that, you guys!" She nervously laughed at them.

Tweek chuckled softly at this, trying not to burst into laughter at her actions. "Pft, sure, you aren't a tsundere... But you definitely are an idiot with how you're holding that broom in your hands..."

"Huh?" She looked at the broom in her hands and went bright red when she saw that she was holding it upside down. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" She mumbled to herself as she cleaned the floor while holding the broom properly this time.

"Okay, girl... Time to focus on doing a good job at this job of yours... No distractions..." She said inside her head, only to immediately get distracted to wave at Kevin. The redhead shook her head and slapped her face repeatedly in hopes of getting her to focus. "Oh, no! No! Girl, don't you dare! I swear to God, I am warning you!"

She groaned at her thoughts, making her look back at Kevin again. "Fuck... No... You are definitely crushing on him, girl! But you can't! You shouldn't! And yet... Here you are falling for him..." Red bites her bottom lip as she looks and stares at Kevin before shaking her head again, a small smile on her face. "I mean... Why not, right? This shouldn't hurt..."

Red continued thinking to herself as she went back to sweeping the floor, her thoughts being on how women have been making bad choices since the beginning. And she wondered if Kevin was going to be another one of hers, making her sigh and get lost in her thoughts.

So lost in her thoughts, she was unable to notice Kevin walking over to her again which makes her bump into him accidentally. "Oh my God! I am so sorry!" She shouted, panicking as she got back into reality and also, continuously apologized to him.

Instead of being weirded by this though, Kevin just chuckled. "Red, Red... It's okay, calm down. I did just randomly sneak up on you and all that..." He reassured her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She let out a small squeak at what he did, making her blush heavily and shyly look away from him.

"Anyway... I was going to tell you my friends' orders and mine but seeing as you seem to be not feeling well, I might just tell them to Twe-" Kevin was about to walk towards the counter but Red was quick to stop him by grabbing him by his arm.

Red immediately cuts him off, grabbing a notepad from her pockets and then the pencil from her ear. "Oh, no! There will be no need for that, Kevin! I'm fine, really! So, please... Tell me what your order will be." She gave him a small smile.

He gave her a smile back along with a nod before telling her what him and his friends have ordered. "You got everything?" He asked as he finished with telling his order, raising a brow when he saw Red just staring at him. "Umm, Red? Everything okay? Is there... something on my face? In my teeth, maybe?" Kevin wiped his face to see if there was anything on his face.

"Hmm?" Red snaps out of her dazed state, shaking her head to get herself feeling normal. "Oh, no! You have nothing in your face, Kevin! You're fine! So fine even!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, blushing madly in realization at what she yelled. "Anyway! Yes! I got everything you told me written down! I'll be the one who personally delivers your order to you once it's ready!" She nervously laughed and gave him a quick wave before walking back towards the counter.

As Kevin watched her walk away, an idea suddenly came to his head. "Hey, wait! Red! Can I ask you for one more thing?"

"Kev!" She suddenly yelled in shock, making her cover her mouth again then turning to face him again. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry about that... Yes? What is it, Kevin?"

"Well, uh..." He suddenly got tongue tied, laughing nervously while rubbing his neck. "I was hoping that maybe... I don't know... Hang out during a break or... You know, after your shift is done with..." He nervously swung one of his legs back and forth. "That is if you want to, obviously..."

"Oh, wow... Really?" She got flustered at his request, a small nod coming from him at her question. "Why, yes! I would love to! Sure thing! You got it!" She gave him a few awkward finger guns while walking backwards.

"Alright! Sounds great!" He gave her a small smile along with a thumbs up before heading back towards his table. "See you later, Red!"

Red gave the Kevin's order to Tweek before looking back at Kevin with a loving stare. "Kev..." She took in a deep breath as she sat behind the counter, thinking about nothing but Kevin.

"You know, I used to think you were quite the nerdy, dorky geek... That was a month ago... Look at you now, though! Who exactly is brand new handsome guy I am looking at?" She giggles at her thoughts. "You're actually kinda cute when you're not so shy, Kev..." She sighed happily before turning to Tweek, who had yet another teasing look in face which made Red frown then start helping him with making Kevin's order.

"Are you literally forgetting what you were just lamenting about earlier today, girl? You've literally just been here before! Have you really come back for more?" She looked over at Kevin while still working on the order. "He might just end up being another chapter in your book about the history of wrong guys..."

"Well, then again... He used to be not that much of a catch, right? Not your type whatsoever... But look at him now! He's changed into something I just can't ignore so easily!" She groaned to herself at her dilemma. "Oh, Kevin! Honestly! If only you knew how much I've been hurt like this before! Is there something more to you than what I've always thought?" She huffed before turning her back to Kevin and started helping Tweek with the order. "Oh, whatever... I'll just see if you can surprise me any more than you already have..."

"Hey, Red?" Kevin suddenly approached the counter again, making Red gasp in shock and quickly fix herself before facing him. "Hope I'm not being too much of a bother for telling you this..."

"Oh, no! Are you kidding me? You could never be a bother! So, what is it that you need? If it's about your order, well..." Red grabbed the order that she and Tweek just finished. "Why, we just finished it, actually. Here you go." She smiled as she gave him a tray of his order.

"Oh, why thank you! I'm impressed you two got this to us so quick! What with it being just the two of you..." Kevin laughs a bit while one of his friends grab the tray and bring it to their table. "But, no... You see, in all this excitement, I had completely forgotten to order for Esther. She wants a tall skinny mocha..." He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "So, yeah... I hope it doesn't bother you and Tweek much if I gave you another order to do..."

"Esther? Who is that? Most likely his girlfriend, right?" Red looked over to Tweek, who just shook his head and had an annoyed look on his face. Then she looked back at Kevin with a smile. "Like I said earlier, you could never be a bother! I will personally do Esther's order myself!" A faint groan from Tweek could be heard. "Esther's mocha... A mocha for Esther... Alright then, no more surprise orders, right?"

He shook his head. "Nope! No more surprises here! And oh, be sure to get it out as soon as you can, if you don't mind? The last thing I want is for Esther to be really mad at me..." Kevin finishes with a hearty laugh.

"Yep, definitely his girlfriend..." She thought to herself, a fake smile hiding the pain she felt. "Oh, don't you worry! I promise you we will get Esther's order ready quickly!" She does the same laugh he did.

Kevin didn't say anything more, just gave her a small nod in response before going back to his table.

Tweek slowly scooched right next to her, leaning close to whisper into her ear. "Yo, Red... I don't mind getting an extra order all of a sudden but... Did you have to reassure Kevin that we could get it out so quickly?" He raised a brow when he noticed that Red wasn't moving. "Uh, Red? Everything okay?" He yelped when the girl suddenly puts her hands on his shoulders.

"He has a girlfriend, Tweek! Waa!" She shook the male around as she freaked out about the revelation. "Why do they have to be so nice when they're..." Red lets him go then looks back to Kevin with a frown. "Unavailable?"

"Kevin? Unavailable? What? Pretty sure he is available because-" Tweek tried to explain to her what Kevin and Esther's relationship but gets cut off by Red.

"Oh, Tweek! Don't get my hopes up like that! I couldn't possibly steal another girl's man! Not again! I am a changed woman, after all! The last thing I wanna be with Kevin is star- crossed lovers! Because well... We all know how that ends..." She made a slicing motion across her neck.

The blond took in deep breaths as he puts a hand on her shoulder. "Look, Red... Listen to me, Esther is-"

"His girlfriend! I know, I know! No need to rub more salt in my wounds!" She whined while Tweek groaned, completely giving up on trying to explain that Esther and Kevin were actually siblings. "But you know what? I'm not gonna let this bother me! In fact, I'm better off without him! We're better off as friends!" She beamed before immediately hugging Tweek and turning into a sobbing mess.

"Shh, shh... It's okay, Red..." He sarcastically cheered her up as he slowly pats her back, hoping she would figure out the truth later seeing as he couldn't be the one to tell her.

Red sniffed as she pulled away, wiping away her tears. Meanwhile, Tweek went back to work in order to get to work on getting Esther's mocha to her. "Damnit, Tweek! I've been hurt like this before! Why does it hurt so much more when it came to Kevin?!" She groaned loudly again before grabbing a photo album from under the counter. "When I said that I have had so many boyfriends that I could make a book about them, I meant it. I really have a book about the guys I have dated who were just the wrong guy..." She sighed as she flipped through the pages of the book where there were old pictures of Red with her exes who were Kenny, Pete, Jimmy, Stan, Craig, Token, Bridon, Kyle, Clyde and Butters. To name a few examples...

"And now, a new addition to the book... Kevin Stoley... Who has a girlfriend named Esther..." Red grumbled underneath her breath, tearing a piece of paper from the book she held in her hands. "Damnit, why am I so damn stupid and easily fall for guys like this?!" She huffed before finding herself angrily eating the paper she tore up.

"Uh, Red?" Kevin suddenly spoke up once he noticed what Red was doing while he picked up Esther's mocha, very confused at what he had just seen and wondering if he had seen something he wasn't supposed to see.

She froze at the sound of his voice, turning to face him then spitting out the paper in her mouth. "Hey, Kevin... How's it hanging?"

"Pretty good, really. Hope you found that paper delicious..." He laughed which makes her blush in embarrassment. "Anyway, I came here because well... My sister would like her receipt, please..."

The word "sister" started echoing in her mind, a smile slowly forming on her face in excitement. The exciting thought in her head caused her to completely space out.

"Umm, Red?" Kevin waved his hand in front of her face, even more confused at what was going on. "Can I get my sister's receipt, please?"

Red simply put a finger up. "Excuse me for one moment, please..." She turned to Tweek with an annoyed expression. "Hey! Did you know that Esther is Kevin's sister?! If you did, why didn't you tell me?!"

Tweek sighed and shook his head. "Look, I tried to tell you earlier about it. But no, you were just too caught up on being heartbroken and stuff..."

"Hmph..." Red huffed, giving Kevin the receipt he wanted. "Here you go, Kevin..."

"Thanks, Red." He smiled at her. "So, uh... Me and my friends are gonna head out now... See you later, I guess?" The male waved before starting to head out.

Red gasped at what she heard, turning to Tweek with a cheesy grin. "Tweek, you know I love you, right?"

He sighed at her words. "Just go on your damn break already, Red... Don't let me stop you..." Tweek chuckled as he shook his head, giving the girl a few pats on her shoulder. "Also, have fun..." He smiled at her.

"Thanks, Tweek! Like I said, I love you!" Red happily beamed, quickly taking off her apron and running off to Kevin. "Hey, Kev!"

"Yeah, Red-?" Kevin yelped when Red suddenly tackled him to the ground with a hug.

#sp red tucker #red sp #red x kevin #red mcarthur #sp kevin #kevin stoley #kevin x red #sp red #red tucker #south park red #sp revin #revin #south park #south park ships #sp ships #oneshot

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astralsweetness · 5 years ago

Text

Set my soul on fire (make me wild) || Hui/Reader (M)

➣ I was originally going to write a LOT more smut (I had so much planned that I never got to!!! ugh).. Maybe I’ll have to do a part 2 or something 👀 the amount of time i spent looking at pics of his studio just so that one scene would be accurate is insane Title from the song ‘Queen of Disaster’. Very briefly proof-read, so please feel free to inform me of typos!

➣ Hui/Reader | Hui drunkenly kisses the reader without explicit consent but owns up to it bcs I’m tired of every other fic that includes this trope just glossing over it | Smut warnings include: masturbation, fingering, hair-pulling (implied), biting (mostly implied), oral + snowballing, slight pain/masochism (implied), some humiliation/degradation + some praise, referenced submissive headspace, and all of them apply to Hui lmao. Also it’s mentioned that Hui isn’t strictly heterosexual and if that bothers you then idk what to tell you

➣ “He is hanging off your every word and you suddenly feel like you have a choice to make - it’s one you don’t think about for more than a second, because you realize that you don’t need to.”

Hui knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that you had completely ruined his life just by existing in it.

It wasn’t a bad thing, necessarily. The feeling he got whenever you smiled at him, for example, was definitely not a bad thing. The way his skin tingled whenever you brushed against him was.. bothersome, but not a bad thing. The way his heart sped up and beat almost painfully hard whenever he indulged in his regular skinship with you wasn’t particularly bad, but he’d stopped doing that recently just as a preservation strategy so he didn’t die in the next year from a heart attack. (He was a naturally touchy person, and he wasn’t completely sure how he felt at having to stop that with you specifically.)

The way his mind constantly drifted to thoughts of you was starting to become an issue though, as was how he tensed up whenever you got even moderately close to him. You’d started to notice, and he had no idea how to tell you that it was happening because of that one time the rest of the boys had ‘accidentally’ forced the two of you to be pressed against one another in an elevator, and that just the knowledge that your breasts were pressing against his arm had him fighting to not get hard like some sort of teenager. He wasn’t totally sure how successful he’d be the next time if something similar happened.

Still, you were, as far as he was concerned, completely unattainable, and that in itself was a problem. He’d experienced his fair share of heartaches and heartbreaks before, but this was.. different. At least in those circumstances he’d gotten a definitive answer.

With you though, he couldn’t even bring himself to ask, had resigned himself to pining over you like a kid with a crush.

If you hadn’t ruined his life then you sure as hell had made it harder.

.｡..｡.

When Hui gets a knock on his studio door around six pm he’s not particularly surprised – lately his members had taken to dropping in to make sure he had eaten something that day. (Usually he had not.)

He is surprised to see you standing alongside Yuto when he opens the door, so he glances at the maknae suspiciously – Yuto seems perfectly innocent, but Hui wasn’t exactly sure how much of that was an act.

“Hyung, did you eat today?” The younger boy holds up a bag as an offering – it doesn’t look like the regular convenience store food the boys would usually grab for him, so Hui accepts it hesitantly.

“I was originally just going to bring food for Hyunggu, since he was apparently starving in his studio or something, but then he mentioned that you never ate either, so..” You’re looking at him like you’re vaguely disappointed, and it makes a funny feeling tighten in his chest so he pretends to be completely absorbed with looking through the bag. He’s not sure where you got the food from, but it was mostly stuff that he actually liked. “I went to a place Hyunggu wanted, but he told me what he thought you’d like from there – I hope he was right.”

“This – you didn’t have to do this.” It’s nice not being the one buying things for once, he has to admit that to himself, but he still felt a bit bad that you’d felt the need to bring him anything at all. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re right, I didn’t have to. I wanted to – just like I wanted to bring Yuto food too when Hyunggu told me he was also here.” You’ve perched on the edge of his small leather couch and he wonders if you’d ever been in here before – he honestly can’t remember, though with how hyper-aware he was of you it was pretty safe to assume you hadn’t been. Yuto’s lingering near the door quietly, watching you and he interact, and he feels like the younger is analyzing what was happening.

“Thank you for it – I should go eat it now, while it’s still warm.” Yuto’s gentle bass of a voice is almost soothing, but Hui shoots him a look anyway because he suddenly knew what was happening. His maknaes were downright masterminds when it came to plans like this, and he can’t think of any way to get Yuto to stay before you bid him a cheerful goodbye as the Japanese boy smiles at the both of you as he carefully closes the door.

“Should I go too? I don’t want to distract you or be a bother or anything.” Your question is so sincere that he just looks at you for a few moments, tries to figure out a way to say ‘Yes, you do distract me and bother me, but definitely not in the way you’re thinking’. He finally settles on a single head shake, clearing a small portion of one of his desks to place the food on.

“Did you already eat?”

“No, but I’m fine.” Your answer is quiet, and he glances over to see you gazing around his studio – he feels vaguely embarrassed, though he’s not particularly sure why. His studio is remarkably small, it’s true, but he’s not actually ashamed of anything in it.

“You’ve never been in here before?” He’s pretty sure you haven’t, but there’s no harm in confirming it. You’d been focused intently on reading the names on his soccer jerseys, but once he speaks you turn all that intense concentration on to him and his mouth goes dry.

“Nope. Not that I remember, anyway, and I’m pretty sure I’d remember that.” You’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know why that’s something you’d remember, but your smile makes him not really care about the particulars. “Now eat, Hui.”

He raises his eyebrows at the parental tone you’ve adopted but says nothing, knowing there was no way he could get out of it now – and honestly, he didn’t really want to. He was really fucking hungry, and the meat you’d brought him smelled delicious.

It’s only as he’s taking his first bite (which is excellent by the way, Hyunggu apparently had a very good taste in restaurants) that he remembers what you said about not eating and makes a stupid split-second decision. (He’s never been one to think about things like this too much before blindly doing them, which was probably a problem, come to think of it.)

“Here –“ He holds the strip of bulgogi out towards you, one hand underneath, the sound of his heartbeat a constant background theme song. “Say ‘ah’~” And it’s so easy to pretend, to act like he’s just being friendly, to tinge everything he says with a bit of aegyo – you roll your eyes at him but accept the food anyway.

It’s not easy to ignore the intimacy of an act like this, to ignore the way he’s hit with a sudden yearning deep in his chest to be able to feed you food whenever, like a real significant other could.

“Thank you, but no more! This food is for you.”

“Okay, okay.”

The silence that slips back afterwards is mostly comfortable – you seem determined to make sure he eats, so while he does so you go back to gazing around his studio. Hui feels like there really wasn’t that much to look at, but you hadn’t looked bored yet, taking in the contents of his desk and then computer monitor. He realizes belatedly that he still had the windows open for some of their unreleased tracks, but when he glances at you again you’ve already moved on from them, so he leaves them where they are.

“Are you still seeing that one guy?” It’s easy conversation, light and carefree even if the topic makes him feel a bit bitter – as much as the knowledge of you seeing other people ate away at him he knows it would bother him more if you didn’t feel comfortable talking with him about it at all. Being able to be a close friend you confided in was something he cared more about than not feeling jealous.

“Oh – no, I’m not.” Your tone is carefully disinterested, but he can see through it well enough by now. Still, he doesn’t say anything, just turns so he’s fully facing you, focused and listening. “We just had a – confliction of interests I guess you could say.” You laugh softly at your wording and he laughs too, even if he doesn’t totally understand what you mean.

“And that means, what, exactly?”

“He thought women should be submissive during sex, and I disagreed.” ..Oh. Hui’s gaze darts away as he tries to process that – it wasn’t that you talking about sex was surprising. He was used to talking with you about intimately private things like this, though that was before this annoying infatuation with you had manifested into the tiresome nuisance it was now. Still, you’d never exactly stated your.. affinities towards any one thing.

“Ah.. is that so?” He sounds much hoarser than he’d meant to, like he’d choked on something – he still can’t look at you, because suddenly all he can think about is what that meant, if it meant leather and pain or lace and sweetness, if it meant scathing words or saccharine praises.

“Are you blushing?” You’re leaning forward off his couch, grinning and trying to get a look at his face, one of your hands on his knee to keep him from turning away from you - and he realizes that yes, he is fucking blushing, and the place you were touching him felt like it was blistering with heat. “Well, at least you’re not getting all upset with me for injuring your masculine pride or whatever by being a woman who doesn’t like to –“

“Okay! Okay okay, please take mercy on me!” His slightly exaggerated whining is met with your laughter, and his face feels like it’s on fucking fire, but he can’t look away from you now that he’d accidentally met your gaze.

“Sorry – you’re just so cute when you’re flustered!” And he knows he shouldn’t take this as anything more than friendly teasing, just like whenever Hyunggu would call him ‘cute’ whenever he got scared of something, but your words still make something short-circuit in his brain and he swears to everything that you will be the death of him.

“I’m – sorry things didn’t work out with him, but you’re really going to kill me if you keep this up.” And it’s not even a lie – he is ninety-eight percent sure that if you keep talking like this without giving him time to recuperate then he was just going to over-heat and pass out.

“I should go anyway, I’ve distracted you long enough – I didn’t go too far, did I?” You’ve stood up now and are looking down at him with a worried smile, so he just shakes his head because he’s pretty sure if he tried to talk he’d say something stupid like ‘No, I definitely didn’t mind hearing you say that, and while you’re at it please tell me some more’. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? Make sure you eat it all!”

He manages a “goodbye” that sounds sort of like he wasn’t dying, waving to you until you leave and his studio door beeps to signify that it was locked again.

“For fuck’s sake..” Hui forces himself to breathe deep, tries to will some of the heat to leave his face. He really didn’t know why he was getting so flustered over something like this – he wasn’t usually the type. Was it just because it was you? Because he definitely wouldn’t mind if you preferred to be dominant?

Hui curses again, a quiet ‘fuck’ that doesn’t really encompass everything he’s feeling but seems to be the best he can manage. Fuck indeed. He was so fucked.

.｡..｡.

The next time Hui’s in his studio he does his best to forget about the conversation the two of you had had last in there, tries to forget the way his entire body had lit up when you touched his leg, tries to forget the way you’d smiled so sweetly when he fed you.

It doesn’t go well.

To be honest, he didn’t do things like this often – he was busy most of the time, and if he was in his studio then he usually had something he needed to work on instead. But being in this room less than twenty-four hours after you had off-handedly mentioned that you liked to take a more dominant approach in the bedroom had him unable to concentrate on anything else, though he had made a valiant effort for an upwards of fifteen minutes.

With an agitated huff he’s pushing his chair back from his desk with more force than necessary, moving to make sure his studio’s door was locked before taking a seat on the edge of his couch. For a moment he contemplates if he’s really going to do this, runs an aggressive hand through his dyed silver hair and then curses the tingling pain it brings that he doesn’t quite hate as much as he should in the moment.

There’s a lingering feeling of shame and a much stronger feeling of embarrassment covering his body when he reaches for himself, though it only lasts for a few moments until the feeling of the rough friction of his palm through his jeans overpowers anything else.

Hui tips his head back with a soft moan before he remembers he needs to keep quiet, bites his lip when he unzips himself so he can wrap his fingers around his cock more easily. He’s rough, impatient, wants to finish fast but also likes the slight bit of pain – he full body shudders when he finally tugs the waistband of his briefs down and feels the cold air hit him, falling back onto his forearm. He knows, for a fact, that there’s a small bottle of lube in one of his drawers somewhere, but he doesn’t bother looking for it – he’s slick enough as is, and the slight pain keeps him grounded, keeps him from getting into it enough that he wouldn’t be able to monitor his volume.

There’s a slight urgency surrounding it all that is always there when doing something like this in a semi-public place, and he gives into it this time and allows it to urge him on quicker, fucking into his fist like he was going to get caught at any second.

He wants to drag this out, wants to get this over with, wants to think about anything else or feel the need to pull up some dirty video on his phone to finish, but all he can think about is you, you, you – he wonders what it would be like if you were the one stroking him instead, if you’d take pity on him or would be ruthless, if you’d whisper sweet compliments into his skin or humiliate him with biting words, if you’d bite at his neck, he really wanted you to bite at his neck and mark him up –

He orgasms with a choked off cry, hastily shoves the back of his wrist against his teeth to try to keep quiet as his hips buck sloppily into the loose circle of his fingers. He’s never been particularly quiet, and another wave of arousal washes over him as he imagines you telling him to keep it down, warning him that you’d have to gag him otherwise. He whimpers pitifully at the thought and tries to shut his mind down, feeling overstimulated both physically and mentally.

His fingers are sticky, the warmth quickly drying on his skin, and he feels much too hot, a thin sheen of sweat clinging to his skin alongside a layer of shame. He’s not totally sure why but he feels like he’s just made everything worse, like somehow he’d crossed a line and now being around you was going to be ten times harder.

He also feels like this was inevitable though, that his attraction to you had been building for so long that if he hadn’t found a release for it somewhere then he would have gone insane.

Or maybe he’s insane now, now that he’d done something this dirty and depraved. He really didn’t know, gaze still just a bit glassy and unfocused.

What he did know was that he was completely and utterly fucked at this point, collapses onto his back and lets his aching forearm finally take a break as his eyes slide shut in defeat.

.｡..｡.

“You’re not serious.”

“Of course we are, hyung – why, do you have a problem with it?”

Hongseok is taunting him, like he always does, and Hui would usually play along and tease him back but he feels completely thrown off guard and does nothing more than blink at all of them incredulously. His lack of a playful reaction in return has Hongseok softening a bit at the edges, but Hyunggu isn’t nearly as merciful.

“What’s the problem with it? You’ve been wanting us to do something bonding like this for a while, and now we have a time to do it, a reason to do it, and someone to make sure we don’t screw it all up by doing something stupid when we’re drunk.”

“We didn’t force her, hyung, she offered when we asked.” Yuto’s trying to alleviate Hui’s concerns, but he’s way off base – still, he’s trying, so Hui manages what he hopes is more smile than it is grimace in the Japanese boy’s direction.

“We want to drink, she doesn’t like drinking, and we have a few days off because Road to Kingdom ended – what are you so worried about?” Changgu asks him, kind and sincere as always – Hui doesn’t trust him for a minute, but he can’t fight the natural urge to tell everyone what his issue was anyway. God, he hated them sometimes. (They were his family, and he supposed sometimes you just had to hate your family.)

“You all know my – my problem with her.”

“Yeah, we know you want to –“

“Date her.” Wooseok cuts Shinwon off at the last second, modifying whatever it was his hyung had been about to say – Shinwon looks both annoyed and scandalized that Wooseok had thought he was going to say anything else. Hui does his best to ignore them.

“You really thought I’d be okay with her being the one watching over us while we drank? Knowing that none of us can drink well?” He swore he could literally feel his stress levels rising – it wasn’t like he was an embarrassing drunk or anything, but he knew he had an incredibly low tolerance for it, and he also knew that if the entire group was drinking then they were just going to end up egging one another on until everyone was truly smashed.

“Well, you’re going to have to be okay with it, hyung.” Hyunggu, always the hard-ass, insists forcefully – he doesn’t say it unkindly, but he says it in a tone that brooks no room for disagreement. It’s more Kino’s voice than it is Hyunggu’s, scarily similar to when they’re in the practice room.

Hui knows he could override it with hyung or leader seniority, knows Hyunggu is watching him carefully to see if it’s actually something the elder couldn’t deal with.

He ultimately says nothing, just sighs in a way that lets everyone else know he’s acquiesced – the resulting cheer brings a small smile to his face, even if he still feels uneasy about how the planned drinking night would go. He knew that when it came to both his members and you in one building with alcohol involved there was no way he wasn’t royally fucked.

.｡..｡.

The night goes exactly as you expected it to – none of the Pentagon members could hold their liquor particularly well, which meant that after an hour and a half they were all at their limits. (It was honestly kind of funny to watch. They were all so intent on getting one another drunk that they weren’t really even paying attention to the way everyone was sabotaging each other by constantly keeping the cups full.)

Still, that meant you were mostly trying to make sure they didn’t kill or injure themselves somehow. It wasn’t too hard of a task, though you did have to threaten both Wooseok and Hyunggu to keep them from climbing on top of the only coffee table Dorm A had. You were pretty sure the glass would just shatter under their combined weight. Hyunggu had targeted you with an impressive pout after that, but he’d lost interest pretty quickly when Yuto had fallen asleep - not that you blamed him, the rapper was sort of adorable when he slept.

It also meant that when Hui got up to get water – he swore that’s what he was getting, at least – you followed him. The man was a menace in the kitchen when he was sober, you were almost afraid to imagine what he’d manage to do when he was drunk. Just his presence alone might cause the stove to burst into flames or something. He was seriously cursed.

“Why are you following me?” His question is just a bit slurred together, almost sounding more like he was incredibly sleepy instead of drunk – you figure it’s because he hadn’t had as much to drink, but you weren’t really sure. You hadn’t been monitoring how much any person drank, more concerned with keeping them alive. (They could manage to injure themselves sitting on the floor sober, so being drunk just made your job several times harder.)

“Just checking.” You murmur – he raises his eyebrows at your comment but doesn’t say anything else, turning to grab a glass from one of the cupboards. You watch him for four whole seconds before you decide he’s about to knock several of them to the floor, stepping forward to reach for it instead. Maybe you’d been wrong about how much he had drank.

“I could have gotten it..” His petulance makes you smile, doing your best not to laugh at the little “hmph” he gives you when you inform him that no, he probably could not have.

“Just let me take care of you, you big baby. At least this way I can make sure you’re getting only water.”

“That is all I was getting..” He’s still sulking when you hand it to him, face flushed from the culmination of everything he’d drank tonight. You force your gaze away when he begins to drink – even drunk off his ass he was still an infuriatingly confusing mix of handsome and cute, and you resolutely did not want to watch his throat when he swallowed.

The sound of glass hitting a bit too hard on a solid surface startles you – Hui’s set his glass down incredibly close to your hand, depth perception just a bit fucked. You want to open your mouth to scold him for the close call, but his body heat is incredibly distracting, and he’s raising one of his hands and your breath catches in your throat.

He cages you in against the dorm’s sink, one hand on the side of your neck – to angle the kiss better or to steady himself you weren’t sure – with the other bracing himself as he presses his lips to yours. He’s so ultra-hot against your body, tastes of the same fruity drink Shinwon had been pressing into his hand all evening, the metal of his belt buckle biting into your stomach.

It’s not until he gives a soft breathy moan into your mouth that you realize you’ve been kissing him back for the past thirty seconds in his own kitchen, heedless of the rest of his members in the adjoining room or the fact that he was drunk enough he could barely stand without assistance. You press at his shoulders with minimal force, missing the pressure of his lips when he instantly moves away.

“What..?” He looks immensely confused, and you feel awful for kissing him back when you weren’t totally sure he was even aware of what he was doing. “Why’d you push me away?“

“Hui –“

“You kissed me back, so why’d y –“

“I just don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret later, Hwitaek.” You hope the use of his full name will get through to him – it seems it does, in some regard, because while he chokes out a half-disbelieving and half-tormented laugh he still pauses and blinks at you slowly like he was trying to carefully choose his next words.

“You act like I haven’t wanted to do this since the first time I met you.” And oh, his voice is just a bit huskier, a bit slurred on the syllables, but he says them carefully and you know that, at the very least, Drunk Hui meant them.

The problem was that you didn’t know if Sober Hui would agree.

“You should go to bed, Hui.” You say this instead of saying all the other things crowding the tip of your tongue, instead of grabbing him by the collar and kissing him again – alcohol took away a person’s consent, and you weren’t about to take a chance to pressure Hui into doing something you weren’t sure he wanted in the first place.

“No one else has gone to bed yet..” Now he’s sulking – but this is normal, this you can deal with. You can pretend like your lips didn’t still tingle where his had been touching, can pretend like you weren’t already addicted to the feeling.

“That’s not really a valid argument considering Yuto’s fallen asleep twice already.” You counter, watching the way he bites at his bottom lip in frustration – you know it for what it is, and it still seems coy to you instead, like he’s trying to seduce you.

God, what was wrong with you? He was just pouting now, brow furrowed, and you feel absolutely pathetic for seeing his current actions as anything other than what they really were.

It didn’t matter how attractive or desirable you found him, you couldn’t in good conscience do anything while he was so inebriated.

“Come on, Hui – let’s get you to bed so I can get back to the other boys to make sure they haven’t done something stupid, like coercing Hongseok into wrestling Changgu shirtless. Again.”

“It wasn’t that stupid –“

“They literally broke a bookshelf with their bodies, be quiet.” The banter comes easily, is normal and comfortable – it’s easy to pretend like he hadn’t just been kissing you, like you hadn’t just been fantasizing about him seducing you of his own free will. His skin is warm underneath your fingertips, flushed from the alcohol, as you direct him by the bicep down the hall and to his room.

You’re rarely in here – he’s rarely in here, actually, considering how much time he spends at his studio, how often he sleeps there. Because of that his room is sparsely decorated, an incredibly faint lingering smell of the cologne he occasionally wore clinging to the edges of some of the surfaces. It’s a heady scent that you do your absolute best to ignore, because it brings to mind images of him whenever he bothered to get extra dressed up, devastatingly handsome.

He lets you guide him over to his bed with zero fuss but turns back towards you when his knees hit the edge of it, one hand coming up to caress your cheek. It’s a deceptively gentle action, and you know you should really stop him, but you don’t move when he leans in to kiss you again. Underneath the flavor of alcohol there’s a distinctive taste that is purely him, and you know if you weren’t addicted to kissing him before then you definitely were now.

When you nip at his bottom lip and he lets out a shuddering moan you realize what you’re doing, try to pull away as fast as you can – this wasn’t fair to him, when he wasn’t in his right mind – but he catches you with a hand frantically landing on your waist, dropping his head to litter kisses along your jaw and then throat. You try to ignore the way your legs go weak at the feeling.

“Please –“ It’s more of a whine than a plea, but you feel it against the skin of your neck all the same, the words dragged along your pulse-point like a searing flame. “If we don’t now, then I don’t think –“

“You need to sleep.” It takes every ounce of willpower inside of you to ignore the wetness pooling between your legs, the insistent hard press of his cock against your thigh, the way his whimper when you push at his chest vibrates along the skin of your shoulder where he presses one last desperate kiss. “We can – we’ll talk about it in the morning.” You continue to push him gently back until he’s sitting on the edge of his bed, gazing up at you through his eyelashes, flushed and looking five different kinds of wrecked. Your entire nervous system threatens to shut down at the sight and you’re not sure that you can keep your promise about talking about it tomorrow.

He’s apparently not sure of it either, expression pinched and distraught when you press him insistently by the shoulders back onto his bed. His hair is ruffled and his eyes are glazed (from the alcohol or lust, you weren’t sure), his lips slick and kiss-bruised –

You tear your gaze away and force yourself to breathe again. When you look back Hui’s thrown a forearm over his eyes, bottom lip snagged between his teeth, breathing labored.

It takes ten seconds before you’re out of the room, clicking the door shut as quietly as you can, trying to erase the imagery of tears staining his face.

.｡..｡.

When Hui wakes up it’s to a pounding head and the vaguely disgusting feeling you get when you sleep in your clothes on top of your covers. His entire body hurts and he makes the same promise he always does when he wakes up like this, the same one he’s never kept – he’ll never drink again. Or, at the very least, he’ll never drink that much again.

His whole room spins when he pushes himself up, groaning softly at the way he feels like the world tilts dangerously on its axis as he slides his legs off the edge of his mattress. It’s only because of this world-shifting that he notices Wooseok asleep on the other side of his bed, all his long limbs drawn in as close as possible, his brow furrowed in his sleep.

He wonders when the maknae had ended up here and how they’d decided on rooms while he goes to the pain-staking process of draping one of his extra blankets over the tall boy. The world is still too bright (even with his blinds shut) and every step he takes feels a bit like walking through mud, but when he sees the way Wooseok slightly relaxes after being covered it all feels worth it.

The trek from his room to the kitchen feels like it takes much longer than it should, but at the very least the suspiciously long stretch of the dorm gives ample time for his headache to shift from excruciating to manageable. He was going to find the bottle of Aspirin, take all of them, and then go the fuck back to sleep. (Okay, maybe one of those was an exaggeration, but it sure felt like he could use that many painkillers.)

“Good morning.” He almost chokes when he hears your voice, a sudden onslaught of memories causing his face to heat up – you weren’t even looking at him, busying yourself with the small skillet Hongseok kept religiously cleaned. Hui wasn’t sure if his nausea was due to the smell of food or the way all he could think about was how he had – stupidly, why the fuck had he done that – kissed you and then tried to get you into bed with him.

“..Morning.” He hopes you take his lackluster response as a product of his hangover, sliding into one of the chairs at the kitchen table so he can bury his head in his hands.

“That bad, huh? You’re going to have to learn to tell Shinwon ‘no’ when he offers you drinks, you know.” He looks up to see you placing what he assumes is an Aspirin down on the table in front of him, already turned back to grab him water. He’s not sure if he’s glad you mistook his suffering as the results of a hangover or not.

“Thanks.” He waits until you hand him the glass before he takes the medicine, downing the rest of the contents when he realizes just how thirsty he was. He can feel the weight of your gaze still on him and it makes the blood in his veins feel like ice, knowing you had to remember the exact same things he (suddenly) did.

“If it makes you feel any better, Hongseok is way worse off than you right now. I honestly can’t believe he’s such a lightweight sometimes…” Your tone is sympathetic, but all Hui feels is a slight smug happiness at there being someone else who was, at the very least, suffering more than he currently was. At least Hongseok hadn’t had the chance to do anything stupid with someone he liked last night, like Hui had. “Honestly, it’s sort of impressive.”

“Huh?” He’d stopped listening to you by pure accident, forces himself to refocus on you – which just causes his eyes to instantly lock on to your lips, face heating up because not only does he remember kissing them, he remembers what they felt like and tasted like and he has to fight to tear his gaze away. God he was so fucked.

“How many lightweights you have in your band. In a group of nine you’d think it’d be more even, but, like.. almost all of you can’t hold your liquor. It’s kind of impressive.” You’re back to focusing on whatever it is you’re cooking – he only just now notices you also have ramen boiling in their small stove to the side, the dull bubbling of the water having blended into background noise long before he’d realized it had been there.

“Are they okay?” He’s sure they are, but there’s some deeply ingrained part of him that feels required to check – the soft smile you give him in response makes him feel like he’s in high school again whenever his crush would focus on him and him alone, and he isn’t sure what to do with that feeling now that he’s twenty eight years old, so he looks down at his empty cup instead.

“They’ll be okay. Wooseokkie ended up in your room – I’m sure you noticed him.” You wait for him to glance at you and nod before continuing. “Hongseok and Changgu ended up in the same room together, which worked out well considering Changgu’s probably the only one who could sleep through Hongseok’s pitiful whining about his hangover anyway. Hyunggu and Yuto shared a room, I think – which I guess means Shinwon ended up alone. Any guess on whether he’ll be happy or upset about that?”

“It could be either.” He responds, mostly because it’s true (Shinwon’s moods were hard to predict sometimes) but partly because talking about his members was something he could easily do, something that felt familiar and normal. It felt safe and far away from the topic he didn’t want to think about. (But he was thinking about it anyway, could remember your warmth when your body was pressed against his, could remember the way you kissed him back bruisingly and made him want nothing more than for you to wreck him every day of his life.)

“Oh, right – Yanan’s in China, by the way, and Jinho’s in the military.”

“Thanks.” His response is a dry remark at the way you were trying to tease him – like he didn’t know where Yanan was and wasn’t constantly in contact with the soon-to-be actor, like he didn’t think about Jinho every single day and wonder if he was doing well. “What would I do without your incredibly timely information.”

You just roll your eyes at him and turn to the ramen – he wonders who you’re making it for before realizing it was probably for whoever woke up hungry. That realization makes a certain spot in his chest warm, and he tries to ignore it because for fuck’s sake, not now.

“I knew it was going to go badly..” He mutters to himself – you hum questioningly and he blinks, surprised you heard him and instantly trying to reach for a half-truth that you’d believe. “Drinking so much, I mean.” Not totally a lie, which meant he could say it and have it sound mostly believable. To his relief you seem to take it at face value.

A silence stretches out between the two of you – it seems comfortable for you, but he feels like his skin is crawling, waiting for the moment you spring the dreaded conversation on him. He can’t think of any more topics to bring up to stall it.

“Hwitaek.” The tone of your voice makes his heart drop into his stomach and freezes over any warmth he’d been feeling because he knows the conversation that is now seconds away from happening is going to be one he didn’t ever want to have. “I think we should talk about what happened last night.”

“What happened?” He tries to brush it off like he didn’t remember, but his voice wavers just a bit and he can’t meet your gaze and he knows that you don’t buy it for a second.

“We have to.” Your voice is soft, gentle, and he hates it because he feels like you’re trying to be as kind as possible, and that didn’t bode well for how the conversation was going to go. “Did you do what you did because you were drunk, or because you were drunk and wanted to?”

Your gaze has him pinned to the seat, his own eyes wide and brain trying to stutter through any excuse he could think of, and when that didn’t work, trying to think of some way he could play it all off as a joke, or as him just being an overly friendly drunk.

You won’t believe anything but the truth, he can tell, and he was a shit liar even when he wasn’t hungover and panicked.

“I –“ He doesn’t know what he’s going to say, probably something stupid like ‘I love you, and I don’t know when I knew that but I’ve always wanted to kiss you, I was drunk but it let me do what I always wanted to do’ but he’s saved by Hyunggu walking into the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes and looking a bit less like hell than Hui felt.

“I think I’m dying..” The maknae grumbles, and your attention shifts to him and getting him something to help his headache. Hui tries to feel relieved that the conversation had been dropped, but the look you send him once over Hyunggu’s shoulder says, ‘We’re not done talking about this’ and he feels sick all over again. He was so fucked.

.｡..｡.

It isn’t until he escapes to his studio later that day, having basically inhaled an entire cup of coffee to try to fight off both his hangover and his exhaustion, that he realizes that aside from all his personal problems with how the night before had went he had essentially pushed himself on you and then not allowed you an avenue to talk to him about it.

And that makes him feel even more sick, because there had been a chance you’d just wanted closure of some kind considering he had basically drunkenly assaulted you, and all he’d done was avoid the issue entirely when you tried to talk to him about it.

Fuck. Fuck, he was the worst.

He’d been so worried about rejection that he hadn’t even thought about the fact that you’d never consented to being kissed – or, fuck, being propositioned for sex – in the first place.

He runs both hands through his hair aggressively, ruffling it in the slightly painful way he usually did whenever he did something he wasn’t happy with – he feels anxiety sitting cold in his stomach, fear that not only would you hate him but that he’d ended up hurting you or breaking your trust in him all because he’d gotten stupidly drunk.

Pushing down the steadily rising nausea, he reaches for his phone and almost calls you, deciding at the last moment to text you a simple ‘You’re right, we need to talk’ instead. He’d already fucked up once, he didn’t want to force you into the conversation by calling you unexpectedly. As an afterthought he adds a quickly typed ‘I’m sorry I tried to avoid it before’, because despite how nervous the thought makes him, he is genuinely sorry. (Sorry for everything, in fact.)

He tries to busy himself with unfinished tracks while waiting for you to respond, listens to the same snippet of some demo Yuto had sent him six times without really ever hearing the notes, does his absolute best to ignore how one of the last times he was in here he’d ended up touching himself to the thought of you. With everything that had happened since he feels fucking disgusting at the thought of it.

When his phone vibrates he essentially lunges for it – it wasn’t like he’d been making progress on anything anyway – heart hammering in his throat as he opens your messages.

‘It’s okay. In person or by a call?’

He wants to fucking cry at how nice you’re being, at giving him the option to choose a less personal route – but he knows that you were the one who’d taken the brunt of the incident, that all he was really worried about was rejection and being embarrassed. His fingers tap out ‘I’m embarrassed, but it’s up to you’ before deleting the first part before sending. He didn’t want you to feel like he was trying to pressure you into one choice or the other at this point.

‘Knowing you, and seeing how you reacted this morning, I think you’d die if we did it in person lol I’ll call you’

He tries to fight the weak smile your text causes – you always make him smile, and this is no different, but he can’t tell if you’re genuinely okay or not through text and it worries him. You’d seemed fine this morning, almost painfully nonchalant – too nonchalant? He wasn’t sure if he was overthinking things now or not – but he’d been hungover and tired.

You don’t call right away, and he resigns himself to waiting out another five or so minutes in this sickening state of anxiety, selecting and re-selecting the exact same clip of audio over and over just so he can pretend he’s doing something, so he can try to occupy his brain.

When his phone does ring he slams his knee into the table in surprise, high-strung and nervous. He barely even feels the tingling pain.

“I’m so sorry.” He blurts out the instant he answers, muttering a soft fuck under his breath afterwards. He’d wanted to give you time to speak, but he was buzzing with an anxious and guilty energy that had him speaking before he even realized he was.

“What?” Your question sounds more surprised than legitimately confused, like you hadn’t expected him to just start talking immediately. He rakes a hand through his hair again and then keeps it there, fisted, trying to ground himself with the tiny bit of pain as his breathing speeds up.

“About last night – I’m so sorry, I just – I was drunk, and that’s no excuse for what I did, I wasn’t thinking and I’m so fucking sorry. Are – are you okay? Am I allowed to ask that?” He feels like he’s right on the verge of panicking and he hates it, because you were the victim here, not him.

“I –“ You only pause to collect your thoughts for a heartbeat, but he feels the moment stretch on endlessly, sees ninety different scenarios play out and discards every positive one immediately. “Hui, you’re – god you’re so sweet.”

“What?” It’s more of an exhale than a word, because you didn’t sound angry, or hurt, you just sounded slightly amused and grateful, and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up but you didn’t sound upset.

“You’re right, what you did was wrong and shitty, and you suck for doing it.” You pause to breathe, and it reminds him he needs to breathe, his gaze darting along one of his computer monitors without really seeing anything. “But it’s sweet of you to apologize. You should, but most people wouldn’t.”

“I should have this morning.” He murmurs quietly, fingers gripping his phone so tightly they’ve begun to ache. “I was selfish and didn’t even think about it. I really am so fucking sorry.”

“I know, Hui. I believe you. You suck at lying anyway, if you weren’t sorry then I’d be able to tell.” You’re laughing again, and he tries to join you, but it sounds weak. His entire body feels like it’s melted into nothing – he didn’t even care if you rejected him at this point, you didn’t hate him and that was good enough. “But I kissed you back, Hui. Multiple times, actually.”

“…..what?” He can’t think of anything else to say – he had remembered you kissing him back, of course he did, but it all sort of blurred together at one point and he wasn’t sure that any of it had definitively happened. “I – I know – I mean, I thought you did, but you could have just, I don’t know, been trying.. to.. get me to go away by not resisting..?” Some drunks became irate when told ‘no’, and while he knew he wasn’t one of them – and he had a feeling you did too – that didn’t mean you hadn’t just been trying to protect yourself.

“God you’re sweet.” Your sudden, repeated statement is quiet, almost like you hadn’t meant him to hear it – he doesn’t say anything, doing his best to just breathe, doing his best to act his fucking age and not like some kid who needed instant reassurance. You were the one who deserved reassurance in this situation. “I kissed you because I wanted to, Hui. It’s very kind of you to be so concerned, but you’re about the least threatening drunk I’ve ever encountered. I could have probably pushed you off me with one hand – actually, I did push you off me with one hand, when we were in the kitchen.”

“I – you – you wanted to.” It’s a statement because he’s stuck trying to process this new information, because this wasn’t a rejection (he thinks it’s not, at least), because you didn’t hate him, because the way all the anxiety induced adrenaline had leeched out of his body was leaving him feeling even more exhausted than before.

“I actually wanted to tell you that I was sorry – since I kissed you back and all, but you were drunk so it wasn’t really like you were –“

“I wanted to – I wanted you to.” He says the words too fast, trips over them, but he knows you understood by the way you went silent on the other end. He appreciated the apology, really, he did, but not only did he not think it was needed, he also couldn’t stand listening to you apologize for kissing him back when he had been dreaming about this moment for way too fucking long.

And he wants to tell you that, but you’re still silent and he’s beginning to wonder if he somehow read this entire situation wrong.

“..I don’t know what to say now.” You admit softly, and he lets out a silent exhale when he realizes you’re just being shy. He wasn’t used to that side of you, but already he knew he found it adorable, just like the rest of you.

“You can’t be more embarrassed than me, if you are then neither of us will be able to talk.” He’s laughing quietly now, feeling.. not quite comfortable yet, but definitely on the way there. You hadn’t really made any declaration of love for him, but you had reciprocated his kiss, at the very least.

“Oh, you need me to be confident?” There’s a teasing tone in your voice that is more commonplace than the shy one from before, and he already knew just by the sound of it that whatever you’re going to say next is going to affect him in some way.

“It’d be helpful.”

“Then I’d say we need to try that whole kissing thing again, but without the alcohol. It really ruined the experience last time, don’t you think?” He suddenly can’t breathe again, mouth opening and then closing at your statement – not that you care about his lack of a response, since you continue without him saying anything. “It could have led to so many fun places if you hadn’t been drunk.” A pause, where his heartbeat pounds in his head and his mouth has gone dry. When you speak again he can tell you’re doing your best to keep up your confident façade. “..Is that okay with you?”

“Yes.” He says this on a relieved breath, face still hot but body covered in excited, adrenaline filled tingles. You were really putting him through an emotional workout this morning, but at this point he wouldn’t dare complain. “Please. I’ve wanted –“

He cuts himself off before he can say anything more embarrassing, about how long he’s wanted to do something like that, to hear you say something like that, how he’s fantasized and day-dreamed about it for way too long. He flushes even more when he can hear your gentle laughter on the other line.

“You mentioned something like that last night. I wanted to ask about it actually –“

“Oh, wow, I am super busy right now doing leader things, just.. so busy. I couldn’t possibly talk to you anymore, I’m just so extremely busy.”

“Jerk.” This time when you laugh he laughs with you, a real laugh instead of the weak one he’d offered you earlier. “Okay, fine, go do your suddenly important work – but I’m definitely interrogating you about that later, it’s just too interesting to pass up. Bye Hwitaek.”

“Bye.”

It’s so like you to cut the conversation short whenever he mentioned his work – you never wanted to genuinely distract him, and it was one of the things he liked about you.

Loved about you.

Fuck. Fuck.

He can’t contain his laugh of disbelief and giddiness, setting his phone down on his desk so he can cover his face with both of his hands, running them through his hair and pushing it back away from his eyes.

You said you’d wanted to kiss him. You had kissed him. He hadn’t imagined it.

You’d said you wanted to kiss him again.

His phone vibrates and he lowers his hands to glance at it, sees it’s a text from you, and already he can feel that warm, lightweight feeling in his chest just at the sight of it.

God, he was so fucked – but with how this had turned out, he really couldn’t complain at all, nor did he want to.

.｡..｡.

Trying the ‘kissing thing’ again, as you had put it to him on the phone, turned out to be a nebulous concept – not that Hui really expected anything else, but it was a bit disappointing to finally get an answer (a positive one at that) only to be unable to meet up with you again. Not that getting to text you often wasn’t wonderful – it was, and he felt the need to make that abundantly clear (though he was pretty sure you knew that, considering he actually paid attention to his phone now just so he could respond to you) – it was just a bit frustrating to finally have permission to do the things he’d been dreaming about, like kissing you, and then be barred from doing it by forces outside of his control.

As it was, it was nearing the end of the second week since the ’confession’ had happened, and he was only just now finding time to head over to your place after working all day. It was late (nearing four am, he noticed with a groan) and his muscles ached from practice and his eyes ached from composing all day but he would be damned if he’d let another chance to spend time with you slip by him without leaping for it.

“You look so attractive.” It’s the first thing out of your mouth when you see him at your door – Hui laughs the soft sort of laugh he does when he’s a bit nervous, bending to unlace his shoes. It’s not rare of you to compliment him – in fact, you usually did, because it was true and he deserved all the kind words you could heap on him – but something about the circumstances makes it feel different this time, charges the air with a sort of excited, nervous tension.

“Really? I came over right after practice, I can’t look that good..” He trails off, shy, and you look him over again. It’s true that he looks a bit tired and run down, but the dim low lighting of your entryway paints his skin golden and throws his profile into a mix of soft shadows and gentle lines, illuminates his silver hair into a gradient of golden blonde to dusky gray.

“You look good, trust me.” It’s all you can say – everything else gets stuck in your head, muddling itself before it can get to your tongue. You hope to one day be able to properly put into words just how beautiful he is to you, but you’re in no rush to do it now, you have time. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay tomorrow?”

“If I passed up on this chance then I might legitimately die.” He says it so seriously that you laugh, and the way his expression smooths out into a warm smile has your heart beating erratically. God, he didn’t play fair at all.

“Well, if you’re sure..” You take the chance to step closer to him during the slight lull in conversation – he blinks at you once, still smiling, but the smile freezes on his face when you nonchalantly place your arms around his neck. You can feel the way he’s tensed at the new, intimate position, and it’s absolutely adorable how he clearly wants to reciprocate in some way but resolutely keeps his arms at his sides. “You –“

“Can I kiss you?” He says it all in one breath, interrupting you, rushed and embarrassed but also like he craves it, like he might die if he didn’t get your permission to do so. It’s the cutest thing in the world and a surge of heat floods your bloodstream at the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes. “Please.” He tacks it on at the end, a quiet whisper, so fucking good and sweet and perfect.

“Of course, baby.” The words are barely out of your mouth before he’s surging forward to connect your lips, his hands landing on your waist and a soft sound of pleasure escaping him as a sigh. The pet-name of ‘baby’ is one you learned that he liked recently, and while it had been deliciously fun to tease him with it through text and over the phone it was something else entirely to see the way he responded to it in person, the rich sunset color of his eyes softening into something more gentle and pliant.

The way Hui kisses now is slightly different than when he’d been drunk – it’s more assured, more precise, and while it still holds that level of desperation from before there’s something a bit less rushed about it, something more confident and not as nervous as before.

There's something infinitely better about doing it this way, Hui thinks, better than anything he'd fantasized about or hazily remembered from when he'd been drunk. Every single one of his senses is attuned to you and you alone, and nothing exists outside of the two of you kissing, the weight of your arms on his shoulders, the feeling of your nails lightly scraping at the nape of his neck, the rough feeling of your clothing beneath the pads of his fingers at your hips. Your lips press and slide against his constantly before parting for a few brief seconds, and he chases the faint swipe of your tongue against his bottom lip with his own, whining when you don't instantly give in to his demands.

By the time you nip at his lip he's completely given up on leading the kiss, opens his mouth and moans high and sweet when your tongue leaves a blazing trail of pure fire in its wake. His lips are kiss-bruised and tingling, the sensation imprinting on him that this was real, you were really kissing him, he wasn't going to suddenly wake up and realize it was all a dream.

When you pull away from him he follows you for a moment, stopping only when you cup his cheek in one hand and slide your thumb across his bottom lip. His gaze is glazed and he looks so thoroughly wrecked from simply getting kissed that you feel another surge of heat flood your system.

"Good?" Your whispered question barely makes it through to him, but when it does he blinks a few times to force the haze from his mind and nods, grip on your waist tightening, grounding him. You’ve never seen someone look more adorable.

“Yeah.” His voice is slightly hoarse and you give in to the urge to kiss his throat tenderly – when he tilts his head back with a sigh you trail your lips up to his jaw. “Yeah, it’s – great.”

You can feel the heat of his skin against your face, leave open-mouthed kisses from the spot under his ear (which makes him shiver in a way that you immediately catalogue in your mind) in a line down to the collar of the light-weight hoodie he’d worn for practice.

“I wish I could mark you up here..” Your lamentations are met with a literal fucking whine from Hui, one of his hands coming up to grip unsteadily at the crook of your arm like the mere comment had made him unsteady. “Oh? Is that something you’d want? For me to bruise you up so prettily that there’d be no way you could cover it?”

He nods, not trusting his own voice, head full of fantasies where you could do that, where you’d be able to sink your teeth into him, suck dark marks into his skin that wouldn’t fade and that his members would tease him about. (But even in his fantasies his members are there, a constant, and he knows that there’s no other timeline better than the one he’s currently living in.)

“Hwitaek.” You say his name softly, wrap a hand around the back of his neck to make him look at you – his gaze is disconnected, lingers on your lips before your silence registers as he meets your eyes. “I think we should talk about what we both want out of tonight.”

“Yeah – okay, okay.” Fondly, you watch as he takes a small step back and forces himself to become more present, a bit of clarity re-entering his eyes. You notice that he hadn’t stepped far enough away that either of you had to stop touching one another though, and it makes a part of your heart warm with affection. “That’s probably a good idea.”

He lets you lead him further into your house, glances around in interest but doesn’t stop you – he thinks (hopes) he’ll have more time later to become acquainted with this place.

“So, Hui –“ He perks up at you speaking to him, and it’s so cute that you have to stop just to recollect your thoughts. He peers around your room with thinly veiled interest but keeps glancing back at you like you’re the most interesting thing in existence. It’s flattering and adorable. “Considering we’ve talked about it before you know that I prefer to be more dominant, and you –“

“Find it incredibly hot?” He finishes your sentence for you, a happy little smirk on his face at your surprised expression as he darts in to kiss you once, quick and chaste and filled with delight.

“I – I was going to say, ‘you’re okay with it’, but what you said was so much better.” You’re smiling now too, still a bit shell-shocked – really, what sort of luck did you have for an incredibly attractive and sweet guy to also be down for being submissive for you? – but definitely not complaining. You cup his face in your hands and draw him towards you again for a sweet kiss – it lingers just on the side of ‘too passionate’, but neither one of you have enough self-control to reign it back in. You can feel his flush underneath your fingertips. “How did I ever get this lucky?”

“Should I say the cliché thing about thinking the same thing?” His voice is soft, one of his hands coming up to slip underneath your own, fingers curling around your palm. “Because I was.”

“You really are a hopeless romantic sometimes, you know that?” You couple your rhetorical question with another kiss – you were one hundred percent addicted to them now, you knew that for a fact. “We should really talk about what you’re comfortable with happening tonight, Hui.”

He must not be thinking clearly (he’s not, all he can think about is you and how you keep kissing him and how it’s all he’s ever wanted in his entire life) because he says “anything” in a strained whisper, breathless and needy before anything has even happened.

“Anything?” You can’t hide the surprise in your voice, though you try to soften it at the last second – he flinches anyway, like he was embarrassed with how eager he had come across, his gaze somewhere at your hip now. “’Anything’ is a dangerous thing to say, Hwitaek. What if all I wanted to do was finger-fuck you?”

He knows you were joking – he can hear it in your voice, the way you’ve tried to lighten the mood to make him more comfortable. He appreciates it, but it does absolutely nothing for him considering the effect your words had on him. “…I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Really?” Again you’re surprised, but this time you seem slightly eager – he raises his gaze to assess the situation, and yes, you did look interested. The excited, nervous little fire burning in his core feels a bit stronger suddenly. All he can do is nod, mute in the face of your presence, your power, your effortless aura that has him sinking down gratefully onto your bed at the slightest push of your hand against his chest.

Your fingers press at him, hard, and he feels breathless when they slide underneath his hoodie and t-shirt both in one go, hitch it up to above his navel. He thinks about all the marks you could leave on him there, hidden under clothing between promotions, and the sly grin you share with him when your fingernails rake a teasingly shuddering line down his side makes him think you have the exact same ideas he does.

Those two articles of clothing are lost quickly, dropped somewhere over the side of your bed as you kneel between his legs and kiss him until he can’t breathe, a wonderful feeling that has him drifting along in hazy bliss until he realizes what you’re doing.

“You’re a bit more dressed than I am, suddenly..” He tries to make it teasing but it comes out as something soft and reverent, and your lips when they smile at him are a slash of color that he can’t tear his eyes away from. He can feel your curious fingers dipping under the waistband of his athletic joggers and he does his best not to lose his fucking mind at the connotations of it.

“That’ll come. Later. Let me focus on you first, Hwitaek.” And how could he even argue with that? Why would he argue that? He’d have time to see your body later – and to be completely honest, he was perfectly happy with seeing however much of you that you were comfortable showing him.

(Still, he thinks, as you gently push him to lie down on your bed, he hoped you weren’t too uncomfortable with showing your body. As you drag the fabric of his briefs slowly down his legs he thinks about how much he really wants to eat you out, and what a shame it’d be if you weren’t comfortable with that. Regardless, he’d find some way to pay his respects to you and your body, even if his regular go-to’s turned out to not be an option.)

“You’ve done this before?” He doesn’t sound nervous, just questioning, having slung a forearm across his eyes. You let him leave it there for now, knowing he must feel a bit vulnerable in his current position.

“Mhm, I have – and you?” It’s almost laughable how casually the two of you are speaking, like you hadn’t just been feeling him up and wasn’t currently in the middle of warming lube on your fingers. When he nods you hum and use your clean hand to grip him under the knee, pulling it up high enough you can place a kiss on the inside of it. An amused laugh leaves him in the form of a surprised exhale at the surprisingly tender action.

“I have – don’t worry, I’m not new to all of this.” You can’t see his eyes but you can see the rest of his face, see that he’s still smiling – you keep a close eye on his expression as you circle his rim teasingly, watching with rapt attention the way the smile disappears as he tenses with a soft sound that’s not quite a gasp before forcing himself to relax again.

“With women or men?” You keep it casual, careful to keep your voice unaffected, and he laughs again but it’s more disbelieving this time, pulls his legs up so his knees bracket you on either side.

“Yes.” Hui simply answers, and it’s your turn to laugh, your free hand smoothing soothing circles into his bare hip. You think he looks absolutely beautiful like this, spread out just for you and you alone, a small notch in his brow from the way his expression has twisted as you carefully slip your first finger in.

“You’re really cute like this, all vulnerable and naked for me.” You’re teasing him, testing the waters – from the way he flushes though, the little hitch upwards that his hips make, you think you might have just discovered something fun. “Hui, do you like me talking to you like that?”

He doesn’t answer you right away, moves his arm so he can look down at you between his legs. Something about it must get to him, because he just looks at you for a moment or two, like he was trying to imprint the visual in his mind.

“You can add another.” He says instead, all breathy and soft like you’d already ruined him, wrecked him into pieces. It’s incredibly endearing, you think, dropping your gaze to where his cock sits red and shiny and untouched against his lower stomach, a small mess of pre-cum already smeared onto his skin. That was also endearing.

“I’ve barely even stretched you yet..” Your disbelieving murmur is clearly heard by him, and you raise your gaze to meet his as you test the waters with a second finger. It’s definitely tight (tighter than you would have preferred, if only for his own safety), but Hui just moans and shifts his hips more towards you, digging into your pillow as he tips his head back. “Oh – Hui the size queen, huh? Is that it?”

He laughs, but it tapers off into a sound closer to a moan than anything else. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called that before.”

“Does it suit you?” You keep one hand splayed flat on one of his hips – he’s doing a wonderful job at not moving overly much, but by doing this you can feel every small tremor that goes through his body, can feel his muscles tense each time he forces himself to stay still. “If I end up fucking you one day am I going to have to make sure it’s sized big enough to totally wreck you?” Your question is coupled with an inquisitive upwards quirk of your fingers, and he nearly kicks you in surprise at the liquid arousal that floods through his body at the feeling. (You teasingly bite at his lower calf for it, and the soft sound he makes as you press your teeth into him is definitely something you file away for later.)

“I know you’re just teasing me, but -“ He licks his lips, tries to gather his focus again as you add a third finger. It burns in such an exquisite way that it’s hard to concentrate on anything else except for the current points of contact between you and him.

“Do you want me to stop?” A pause. “Hui, look at me.”

He obeys, meets your analyzing gaze and offers a slightly strained smile as he thinks about your question – though he doesn’t think for very long, a burst of wonderful, embarrassed heat curling across his chest and through his stomach when he lets his upper body drop back down to the bed, shaking his head ‘no’.

“Oh, Hwitaek..” You sound vaguely pitying, and he hates it, but he loves it. “You’re just a little boy who likes to be teased and humiliated, is that it?”

He feels so small with you talking to him like that, like his body was three sizes too big for his skin and he was burning up from the inside out – whenever the heat becomes too much all he has to do is open his eyes and see you looking at him (you’re always looking at him, and it takes his breath away because the way you watch him makes him feel like he’s something special, something that should be treasured) and suddenly everything was okay again. It was like you were the one stoking the flames of his desire, but you could also cause that blistering heat to ebb away whenever it became too much.

He realizes he hasn’t answered you yet and frantically nods, heart threatening to dissolve into something sticky and sweet at the way your expression softens.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but we’re not going to delve too deep into that tonight without talking about it in more detail later.” He nods, because he really does understand (despite the slight burst of disappointment) and he appreciates that you want to talk out what his limits are first. “Besides, how am I supposed to talk to you like that when you’ve been so good for me this entire time? So pretty and vocal.”

He can’t help the whine that tears itself from his throat at your phrasing – it didn’t matter what you were saying to him anymore, every single word embedded itself into his skin and worked its way through his body like an electric shock.

“Oh? Sweet boy - are you an adorable whore for both degradation and praise?” He doesn’t even bother saying anything this time, just shuts his eyes tight - he knows you already know the answer, can read him so well it’s almost like his desires were written out on his skin in black ink. “That’s so cute. You’re just so responsive to everything, aren’t you? I love that - anything I say or do I’ll get a direct response to, won’t I, Hwitaek?” You wait until he nods, his eyes still shut, before taking the opportunity given to you. Your lips press a teasing kiss into the line of his pelvis, giggling softly against his skin when he gasps above you. “Yeah, just like that. So beautiful, Hui, and all for me.”

Yes, all for you he thinks, and even his thoughts are getting mixed up and hazy now because you’ve wrapped your fingers around him loosely and he is so slick already, the feeling of your thumb swiping across the head of his cock, tracing the lines of precum down the shaft to where they’ve collected on his skin causing his entire body to twitch in a mess of stimulation.

“Oh, baby, you’re so wet for me already.” He can’t focus on anything, can’t think of anything, hears your voice through the haze like it’s faraway and he’s drifting underwater. He tries to force himself to be more present, tries to physically drag himself out of those depths, but you’re cooing at him sweetly and running your fingers over his cock softly, and any amount of shame he might have felt at having fallen so far into this headspace is eradicated by the sugar-laced kisses you press into his side.

“You really can’t keep quiet, can you?” Your voice is sweet but laced with amusement, and you can feel the way he throbs in your hand at the slightly degrading comment. “You sound like you’re going to cum just from three of my fingers – are you, baby? You going to make a mess of yourself before we even get to do anything?”

“Fuck..” Hui’s entire body feels like it’s on fucking fire, and when you duck your head to suck a bruise onto the inside of his thigh it’s all he can do to keep from crying out even louder. You were right, he couldn’t keep quiet, his head swimming and his fingers curled so tightly into your sheets that he could barely feel them anymore. “I’m – you’re –“ He can’t concentrate, can barely speak, and he knows his words come out more as whines anyway.

“Do you think it’ll be okay if you cum now?” You’ve stopped moving entirely and his whole body feels like it’s buzzing, his hips trying to rock back onto your fingers or up into your hand with no real success as the haze slowly recedes from his mind enough for him to be able to form full sentences

“Y-yeah.” He pushes himself up onto his forearms to be able to look down at you, groan catching in his throat when he sees the way you’re peering at him openly, watching him with beautiful eyes and a graceful flush on your face, one of your hands slick with his pre-cum and the other still wickedly deep. He’d never been more sure of the fact that he loved you than this exact moment. “If – if you give me a little bit afterwards, it’ll be fine.” He knows he sounds breathless and wrecked already, but you smile so sweetly at him anyway, like he was something precious to you, and he feels like the ground and the bed he was lying on had just suddenly disappeared at the sight.

And then you’re lowering your head and wrapping your lips around him and it’s all he can do to keep his eyes open – you hadn’t eased him into it, hadn’t given him any indication of your plans at all. One moment you were asking him about his refractory period and the next you were doing things with your tongue and mouth that he couldn’t even begin to fathom, your fingers once again brushing against that spot deep inside of him that has him keening.

He’s not going to last much longer; he knows that with a sudden certainty that has him trying to warn you but is more disjointed pleas for you to not stop than they are anything else.

One of his hands grasps for your shoulder blindly when he hits his peak, fingers curling into your skin as he spills himself onto your tongue. It’s blindingly hot and you can see the way he fights to keep his eyes open to watch, brow furrowed and mouth open almost like he was in some sort of pained ecstasy as you continue to finger-fuck him through it until he’s trembling.

When you stick your tongue out at him tauntingly and show him the mess he made Hui groans from deep within his chest like you’re torturing him, sits up abruptly and crashes his mouth into yours. It’s messy and dirty and he licks into your mouth aggressively, chasing all essence of himself off your tongue and onto his own with a moan that rattles your bones. You do your best to withdraw your fingers as gently as possible but he whimpers at the feeling anyway, drops his head to begin kissing a sloppy trail from your jaw down to your neck.

“You’re so dirty..” Your head is spinning and you feel short of breath - each time you inhale his chest knocks against yours as he heaves his own breaths, though he refuses to pull away from your skin for long enough for him to be able to recover as quickly. You think you feel him murmur a soft sound of agreement to your statement against your collarbone.

As soon as you can wrest a big enough part of yourself back under control you lean back, holding him securely away with your thumb and forefinger gripping his chin. Hui looks at you with an expression of wrecked reverence, the perfect picture of debauchery, and you know that right here, right now, at five something am in your bedroom, he would do literally anything you asked – that at this point in time it was no longer your room, with the window showing glimpses of the outside world, the sounds of cars going past. This place, this moment in time, it was now something disconnected and intangible, where he had given you explicit trust (perhaps foolishly, considering how inchoate your relationship was) to control and lead him. To take care of him in whatever way you see fit.

And you know that right here, right now, in this nebulous place that the two of you occupied, you would strive to make sure he never regretted giving you that permission.

“Hwitaek.” Your voice is breathier than you expected – you sounded like you’d been kissed hard. You sounded like you were in love. “Hwitaek, you are messy and crude – you are such a dirty boy, and you’ve hidden that from me for years.” He is hanging off your every word and you suddenly feel like you have a choice to make.

It’s one you don’t think about for more than a second, because you realize that you don’t need to.

“And, Hwitaek – you are so perfect for me.”

.｡..｡. .｡..｡.

“You know something?” Hui says it casually, out of nowhere, hand still rubbing nonsense patterns into the skin of your lower back after having crept underneath your shirt some twenty minutes ago just for the skin to skin contact. He’s not focused on anything else but relaxing in his bed at the dorm with you, thoughts about producing and writing lyrics and being a leader far from his mind.

“Hmm?” Your head rests on his chest, listening to his heartbeat – it’s a comforting sound, if not slightly faster than average, and when you close your eyes you can hear it mix with the soft (and sometimes not so soft) sound of some of his boys arguing or laughing or just living somewhere else in the dorm, outside his shut door.

He still hasn’t spoken so you lift your head and gaze at him, admire his features as he looks back at you with an expression so tender you’re almost afraid to have the weight of it on you. His hair is back to brown now, cut a bit shorter than before, and you stretch an arm out to run your fingers through it lazily, watch as he leans into it but keeps looking at you.

“I think you’re perfect for me, too.” His voice is warm, probably what sunshine would sound like if it was an auditory thing, and you blink at him in confusion for a few moments before you understand what he’s referencing, press your smile into his until it turns into a gentle, surging kiss.

It’s not quite an I love you, something adjacent to it, almost there but not exactly.

And neither of you say those words yet, just smile and look at each other and press kiss after sugared kiss into each other’s skin, interlace your fingers and marvel at the way affection seems to blossom for one another in both your ribcages at the simplest of actions.

The two of you weren’t in any rush. You had time.

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years ago

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Hii! Can I please have hcs of the bucci gang and trish with a s/o who’s a new gang member who’s very naive and a past member of la squadra? Basically bruno adopted her now that she was all alone. Oh and if you don’t do trish with them could you replace fugo with her? Thank you!

- Bruno would, as expected, be extremely cautious and EVEN more protective towards her to the point where the rest of the gang would be lowkey rolling their eyes at his over the top behavior at times. Sure, the man himself realizes that he can be just a tad bit too motherly, but it’s just that he loves her too much and the fact that she’s so gullible just makes him want to keep her far from harm’s way, yknow? That obviously doesn’t mean that Bruno does not trust her abilities, after all she’s STILL a gang member. However he feels responsible for her safety (as he does with the rest of the squad) and will do all in his power to at least keep a close eye on her whenever she’s out on a mission and such. Bruno will keep her at his side at all times, training and looking out for her constantly, the man merely chuckling at her puffed cheeks and cute little annoyed expression whenever she tells him that he “fusses over her too much”. But s/o knows all too well that the man means well and that he’ll even move mountains for her.

- Giorno would, as well, be hella overprotective of his s/o, only that he’d be just a little more lowkey compared to Bruno. And by that I mean he’s going to be mostly watching over her from the shadows and won’t step in or tell her anything unless it was a serious case or her safety was compromised. That being said, the main thing that Gio would be concerned over would be her naive demeanour, even if at the same time he admires her childlike innocence and overflowing kindness. To him she’s like a breath of fresh mountain air, her carefree attitude nothing less of a cure to all the suffering and death that constantly surrounds the man on a daily basis. Sure he DOES worry that some bad guy is going to take advantage of her naivety someday, and that’s exactly why he always makes sure that she’s able to defend and stand up for herself if the situation calls for it.

- Abbacchio is probably the one who’ll have the least patience in the beginning since, in his opinion, gullible and naive people have it coming. He may not have been too fond of her at first, and yet her kind and easygoing demeanour grew on him overtime, and here we a r e. No matter how nonchalant he tries to be, we all know that Abba is a deadass softie for his airhead s/o and will even sacrifice his own life for her, even if he still pretends to not care about her constantly teasing him for being “such a grandpa”, and yet the constant blush on the brooding man’s face tells s/o otherwise. The mere fact that he’s oh so often fussing over s/o’s safety and jumps in to protect her whenever a fight breaks out speaks louder than a thousand words about how much Abbacchio truly cares about her. Deep down he really does love just how “childish” and carefree she is, her constant affection being the best distraction in days where the sky is grayer than usual.

- Mista is head over fucking heels for her, no doubt about it. He fell for s/o the second he saw her feeding stray animals and helping poor people on the street, and we don’t talk about the time she dared him to chase her around the house just because she was wielding the last slice of pizza, the 2 of them causing a big ass commotion and breaking one of Bruno’s favorite plates in the process. Name a more iconic duo tbh bc these two radiate almost the same energy, and we all know that Mista is sure to fall for someone free spirited who can find humor in any situation and see the bright side. He won’t be as fussy as the rest of them because he knows that even if she’s pretty naive she can still kick ass, but be certain that if anyone ever dared to mess with her Mista is going to kick some MAJOR ass bitch. On another note, the man also lowkey enjoys “teaching” her how to be more intimidating at times just to clown her (and Abbacchio bc he loves giving him as the prime example of big and scary intimidating grandpa that only ever comes out of his crypt of a room to get food) in the process, Mista simply f e e d i n g off of her reactions.

- Fugo probably really vibed with her the second she joined the gang tbh. Although he isn’t “naive” per se, some things still get to him and can convince him to do brash decisions at times and so for the first time he felt as if someone TRULY understood him. Therefore, it’s no wonder that these 2 (albeit kinda awkwardly at first) ended up confessing to eachother eventually. Now Fugo is quite the anxious fussy type and will always be either clinging to her arm or just...tagging along whenever s/o leaves to run errands bc he’d hate for her to be fooled or worse: attacked by an enemy. However he still makes sure to give s/o space and a l w a y s tells her that she can always call him for backup if anything happens. S/o especially enjoys teasing Fugo for being so fussy and affectionate/clingy with her and only her, something that makes our tsundere boi right here flush and huff and puff whenever it happens.

- Narancia is probably the chillest bc have you seen the boi?? If Mista and Fugo instantly vibed w her, Nara over here thought that he had legit found his soulmate the instant he met her. He immediately fell for her carefree and easygoing attitude and honestly? Her naive persona only made him want to care for her even more, because truth be told he saw a bit of his younger self in her. Hell, even now one could argue that Nara is still a bit “naive” but he learned the hard way that he had to work on that tendency as he joined the mafia. That’s exactly why he’d always try telling s/o not to trust anyone and be aware of her surroundings, the worried man throwing his arms around her afterwards and telling her just how much he loves her and how he’d do anything in his power to protect her at all times. On another note, Narancia is always trying to make s/o forget about the hardships of the life they’re living, the man attempting to shield s/o from as much pain and horror as he can by making her laugh and spending time with her on a daily basis. Honestly, these two are serotonin providers for eachother.

- Trish could probably relate alot to her, if I’m being honest. I mean, a young girl that was flung into the mafia just like that because of a series of unfortunate events and probably some familial issues as well? Big fat kin. However, Trish was quite shy and weary of her at first, and yet her easygoing attitude made the girl open up in no time and somehow the 2 ended up together after some time. Now, when I say that s/o is quite literally Trish’s ray of goddamn sunshine, it ain’t no exaggeration. Trish is constantly looking out for her dear s/o and will go absolutely fucking feral if anyone were to take advantage of her naivety, which is why the girl sometimes warns her about the dangers of trusting others so easily. And yet whenever s/o sweetly chuckles whilst gently squeezing Trish’s hand as she reassures her that everything will be just fine, the pink haired girl can’t help but smile and put her worries aside once more and entirely trust her s/o’s words.

#hi i have been ressurected once more #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #Vento Aureo #bucci gang #jojo headcanons #headcanons #anon #yet i have a mad headache rn cuz i had some champagne glasses rip #tipsy writing lololol

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redxblueihateloveyou · 4 years ago

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This is a personal opinion but from where I see it the Given movie and the anime itself definitely was... something that I would question because somethings just.. didn't make sense to me. The development of the Characters were either super fast or super slow and it made the pacing really really weird for me idk. But I do think that a huge reason so many people love the Given movie is because of the fact that when you compare Given to OTHER JP BL animes, there's very very slight improvement in terms of the story itself of Given. Is the story poorly executed? Fucking hell, who the hell is going to say no here. But is it better then some of the JP BLs out there? That's depended on how you view BL to be. For a lot of people things like Super Lovers or Hitorijime My Hero are super unbearable to watch because it's "problematic" (which honestly okay, you do you BB) which then leads them to look for BL animes that DON'T have such "themes." Leading them to actually liking things poorly executed but just "not problematic", Given for example.

Given is “not problematic”? Debatable.

Their first kiss was right after Mafuyu finally had a courage to sing a song about his ex who commited a suicide. ???

Problematic doesn’t only mean stuff like “he’s underage”. What about using someone to get over your grief or getting into a relationship with someone who is still not over his ex death and is vulnerable at the moment? Is this suddenly “not problematic” bc they’re same age and he haven’t pushed him into a wall in throws of passion?

To me it’s not even about the fact if it’s problematic or not (it’s rarely not tho, no matter what ppl think), it’s about whether its believable and feels genuine or not. It depends on many factors: situation, characters past, traumas, etc, etc. It depends on the story and how you write it.

Change some stuff and it’s gonna be a completely different thing. Make it like Uenoyama only hugged Mafuyu after the song, even tho he wanted to kiss him, but knows that it’s not the right moment. Make Mafuyu heal first, make Uenoyama be in his own angst that he loves Mafuyu so much for example, but cares about him recover more, so he doesn’t expect for it to go somewhere, then he tries to date someone and Mafuyu first starts getting out there, when he feels like he can start trying again. Someday he gets sick and Uenoyama cancels his date to take care of him even tho it’s nothing serious and then the realization comes. Make Mafuyu kiss him first and take the first step. This would’ve changed everything so much. He should’ve made the first step when he was ready, this would’ve felt so right. Uenoyama kissing him after that song is just.. it feels, I was like ehhhmmm.. weird?

Seeing someone saying that Given is a masterpiece is hilarious to me. The fact that it includes heavy themes like suicide, doesn’t make it a masterpiece, esp when it’s handled this badly. Once again, if you pick such thing as a base for a love story, do it right then, not in a “bibbidi bobbidi boo” kind of thing.

BL or not BL, any relationships, it depends on whether you watch it and it feels plausable or not.

For example, if Yuu says that he can’t live with Mika, my tongue won’t even twist to call it “unhealthy” or be like “dude why”. But if some high schooler in slice of life anime who has a caring family tried to end himself bc his two weeks friend left him, I would’ve yelled “bitch go see a doctor”.

Depending on the story you can sell some feelings or not.

Nezumi and Shion are also problematic according to ppl’s logic these days. But I 100% believe they’re each other’s true loves. Only 11 episodes and it’s sold.

In Given I didn’t believe it. Bc it’s ridiculous, ok? It wasn’t the right place or time to start this relationship. It is not a new love story, it’s just a sad story.

Given movie is slightly better compared to other japanese BL? Why would you offend Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, Uragiri wa boku no namae, No.6 and many others?

Also better where? They kept the same old “’stop, i don’t want to’, but he did it anyway” stuff AND on top of that the story sucks.

The way he used him knowing very well that he was unrequitedly in love with him for so long is so disgusting that it leaves a much grosser feeling than many yaois combined. You’re saying “it’s slightly better” bc they’re of age or don’t have an age difference? I don’t get it. It somehow makes everything better?

No, thanks. I’d rather watch Onodera sleep with Takano in high school with them being genuinely into each other and it going great than whatever happened in the Given movie. I don’t care if they’re both 18 there, it made me feel bad.

I didn’t feel bad, when Wei Wuxian thought “why the fuck didn't I have sex with Lan Zhan back when I was 15? I've really pissed away all my days, haven't I?”. I wonder why is that.

Like what you’re saying here is that their opinion on BL is so low that they automatically would give it 10 out of 10 bc it’s slightly better than smth that they find “unbearable” to watch? What kind of evaluation is that exactly? Maybe also let’s compare each anime to “boku no pico”, then everything will look like a masterpiece.

Like excuse me for the fact that when I watch some shonen-ai and yaoi, I judge it the same way I judge any other genre and any other relationships (hetero or gay) in animes. On a scale whether I care or don’t care, whether I believe that they love each other or don’t, whether it’s a good story or not. I don’t get what it means “it’s good for yaoi”. It’s just not good. This movie is trash, I mean, the relationship in it is trash. Who the fuck cares gay or not gay. Trash relationships are trash. Bad story is a bad story. Whether it’s a bad gay story or a bad hetero story, I don’t give a shit.

The reason I’m more into boy on boy ships is because I love the relationships there more than relationships in most heterosexual couples. My fav hetero ships are either “from hate/attraction to love” stories like “gone with the wind”, “anastasia” or “pride and prejudice” or stuff like “equals without pink goo, who only see each other and don’t need no one else and would die for each other, epic soulmates” like Richard and Kahlan. In anime 99% of those fit bromances, not romances. Like I don’t find Midoriya/Uraraka appealing at all for a reason that “she said ‘hi’, he blushed as a tomato, now they’re supposed to be each other’s romantic interests” is not what I find romantic. I find romantic the fact that Todoroki is forever devoted to Midoriya bc he knows he’s amazing and is not afraid to say it; and he’ll always be there for him when he needs him, no matter what it is, him just sitting there crying, some villain trying to kill him or if he’s too late out ther grossery shopping. Uraraka most of the times doesn’t even care where he is.

Most hetero romantic animes, I just find ridiculous, too cheesy and unrealistic and I’m not ready to watch 50 episodes for them to hold hands. I’m not in that age and I also never found things like this romantic before either. Stuff like Kisa/Yukine, when you meet someone, find him attractive, wanna fuck him, then fall in love accidentally.. yeah, that’s understandable to me. Stuff like Takano/Onodera “I was an naive idiot in high school, but now life made me a sassy bitch and I can’t open up to people as easily” also yes, relatable.

When you’re turning into a tomato bc someone said “penis” and think holding hands will take your virginity or smth, that’s not my thing.

So when I watch BL, I expect more, not less. So if it’s bad, I just say it’s bad, I’m not gonna be like “hmm... unproblematic... then 10/10″ like what?

1stly, even “little mermaid” and “cinderella” are problematic.

2ndly everyone is so focused on purity these days, like storyline don’t matter at all. It’s like any great love story is automatically trash if they have age difference. Any trash love story is great, if they don’t?

Let’s then also rate “Dororo” as 1, bc it’s like 24 episodes of them falling for each other while she’s 11 and he’s 16. Wow, such gross relationships they have during the whole story. Doesn’t matter that she grew up at the end of the last episode, the whole anime she’s a child. And let’s rate Noragami 0, bc 2000 years old perverted Yato is into 15 year olds.

No one has to fuck asap (heck even in the same hella problematic “Super Lovers” you talk about, Haru refused to fuck Ren even tho he was 17 in s2 and wanted to fuck another guy) and the rule “you can only fall in love after 18″ doesn’t exist. Also underage is not BL thing, it’s all anime thing. It’s time to shut it already. There are zillions of age gap couples out there who are great. Hyakkimaru waited for Dororo to grow up, it’s fine, seriously, they love each other in the right way, he didn’t want to fuck her when she was 11, okay? They did love each other tho already then. Pls excuse them for that.

3rdly, some relationship that ppl here call unproblematic are 20 times more problematic, than what they call problematic.

4tly, why the heck it’s like couples who have an amazing character and relationship progression, who love each other to death and will do anything for each other, ppl go: “wow, at the very beginning, he grabbed his wrist, he needs to go to jail”. Meanwhile a relationship who has no base, no story, no logical progression, no anything are “yes, best love story in the world”. Yeah... who cares if it feels like it’s all been pulled out of an ass and doesn’t make sense, very healthy tho.

It sounds lately like if most ppl here had two stories in front of them and one would be about two men who just met and the next day one proposed and they lived happily ever after and 2nd would be some complicated incredible story with a natural progression of the relationship, but they yelled at each other once, they’d be like “1st is better”. Well, not to me, no.

#answered #anonymous #anime

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carolmaximoffs · 5 years ago

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making adjustments

summary: you’ve finally joined your siblings in the U.S., but the transition is nowhere near as easy for you. luckily, while wanda and pietro are off learning how to save the world instead of harm it, one brooklyn boy is very willing to help you adjust.

pairing: bucky barnes x maximoff! reader

warnings: none, except maybe some bad russian

a/n: i got this request a while back and was unsure how to approach it. anon never specified whether they wanted reader to have powers so i had her not be enhanced but they did request fluff so i did my best! hope this is alright love :) (also, obviously, pietro survives AoU bc they rlly did him dirty, and you can’t be a maximoff sister w/o rings). all sokovian/russian is in italics bc i only know a couple of words and don’t want to completely butcher it!

“We’re so glad to have you back with us, sestra,” Pietro murmurs, accent thick as he held you tightly. You didn’t respond, just nodded into his shoulder before he pulled away. Wanda quickly took his place, her rings digging into your back the same way yours did to her as the pair of you clutched each other tightly. They’d promised to come back for you when things settled down, wanting you to lay low while they agreed to some...experiments. You weren’t really sure what had happened in your time apart, Pietro only offering that they were different now, special. You’d always admired the twins, always thought they were special in that idealistic way that younger siblings view their elder siblings. But you’d witnessed Wanda’s magic first hand when Sokovia had fallen victim to Ultron; you knew exactly what Pietro had meant.

Since the havoc wreaked on Sokovia, your siblings had begged you to go with them and the Avengers to America. It was an idea you’d initially resisted - you and your siblings lives had already been so disrupted. Why uproot it even further for people who barely even trusted them? (When you’d conveyed your dismay to Pietro, however, you’d been brushed off, only receiving an apologetic smile from Wanda). Finally, they’d managed to talk you into it, though you didn’t think they realized just how out of your comfort zone you were.

Two weeks stateside, and you still couldn’t force yourself from your new apartment in the tower until at least 10. By then, at least, you knew the kitchen would be empty. Or you thought it would be.

“Morning, sunshine.”

You dropped the mug in your hands with a shriek, hot coffee splattering all down your front. “Shit...that’s the second one this week.”

“Two in a week?” Your mother tongue startles you, but Bucky’s face is calm when you turn to face him. Your own cheeks burn more than the liquid dripping down your thighs as you scramble to pick up the pieces of your mug.

“Yes, two.” You say through gritted teeth, careful not to let the shards cut you. Bucky moves silently; where one moment he was perched on a bar stool, now he crouches with you, handing you some paper towel. “It is not so easy...adjusting. But Pietro and Wanda have always been, uh...more flexible than me.”

Bucky tilts his head in understanding, rising to his feet as you do. He seems hesitant, and his nervous energy makes you nervous, too, until he finally speaks. “I could...I could help you. Adjust, I mean.”

“I thought you were from New York,” Is the only reply you can think of. You’d heard the stories, of course, the terror the Winter Soldier carried out. Your gossiping neighbors worried most; his alleged origin point, Russia, was not very far from your own Sokovia. The man before you, however, was not the horror story you’d grown up hearing whispers of here and there. This man looked at you with soft grey-blue eyes, full of a strange, unspoken understanding.

“I am,” He says with a nod, “But I have some adjusting to do myself.”

“Alright,” You whisper. A blush fills your cheeks once more as you glance down at your coffee-stained clothes. “Let me...let me get changed.”

--------------------------------------------------------

After a month and a half at the compound, you’re feeling much more comfortable. Having Wanda and Pietro there is good, but Bucky has been helping you a lot as well. You’re extremely grateful to him, being so patient with you. You’d be lying if you said your feelings were entirely innocent and thankful, though.

For instance, today, he’s obviously just showered. Still damp tendrils cling to the back of his neck as he settles across from you. His sleek silver hand passes a book over the coffee table.

“Charlotte’s Web?” You ask, a little incredulous. “I have read this. This is...this is a children’s story.”

“In English?” Bucky challenges. As usual, you blush deeply. You can’t help it around him, and he smirks, like he always does. “That’s what I thought. Good example of American English, I think.”

“Why does she need an example of American English?” Trills a new voice, and your heart drops to your stomach. Pietro leans over the back of the couch Bucky’s sitting on, eyeing the pair of you curiously. Bucky blinks, confused.

“I’m helping Y/N learn English,” Bucky tells him, and your brother, damn him, laughs. He scrunches his nose, but he isn’t looking at you; he can’t see your murderous expression.

“Why? She is fluent. She speaks English better than Wanda and I,” Pietro scoffs. He walks around the ruffle your hair before disappearing down the hall, a blur of blond. Bucky is quiet. You drop your face into your hands.

“Why did you...” Bucky starts, at the same time you blurt, “I’m sorry!”

He chuckles, gesturing for you to continue. Bucky sits back into the couch, arms folded and brows raised expectantly. You think your face might just melt off at this point.

“Pietro is right, my English is fine,” You mumble. “I just...very much enjoyed talking to you, and spending time with you-”

“Doll,” Bucky interjects, leaning forwards. “In America, we might call that a ‘crush’.”

You lunge across the table, meaning to punch him square in the shoulder, but he catches you with ease. You find yourself straddling his lap, on hand circled about your waist. Without a second thought, you lean in and connect your lips to his. He doesn’t kiss back right away, but you’re already pulling away once he registers the situation.

You open your mouth, apologies curling on your tongue, but a hand on the back of your neck pulls you right back in.

#mine #mcu #wanda maximoff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x maximoff! reader #pietro maximoff #i tried #marvel #marvel fic #maximoff twins

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faeofheart · 4 years ago

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@1396 said: Shipping meme : 2, 5, 8, 12 and 16! <3

SHIPPING MEME. ( hopefully this was the right one rip )

what sort of things does your muse look for in a partner?

it's funny, this one is kind of hard to answer because i don't actually have that many ships with jamie, and it also depends on the context. is this a serious relationship, with real feelings involved? or is this a relationship where jamie knows that feelings aren't really an option and will always ( most likely ) be one sided?

and for the most part, they aren't really... i mean, i could plot something out with somebody, we could develop something really cool and lovely and it seems like everything is working... but jamie just doesn't vibe, when it comes down to the roleplay of it. see, the most important thing to jamie with regards to relationships is trust. and yeah, that seems incredibly obvious, but trust is what marks the key difference between a casual relationship that won't go anywhere and true devotion. jamie has to trust you with all of themelf, and that's actually really, really rare. the raging wildfires and intense burn of summer, the overwhelming desire to rend and tear of the wolf, the longing to... sometimes just make someone decay and suffer, just for a comment, but more than that, the aching loss of their mother and the bitterness and resentment they feel towards their childhood. the good, the bad, the ugly, the seelie, the unseelie, the human, all of it. if jamie can't trust himself to be vulnerable with their partner, if they're constantly on such high alert that all you ever see is what they present, lest you take advantage, that's not a relationship to last.

aside from that, in terms of what draws jamie to a person, it can honestly be variable? because jamie is a being of change and choices, so their preference is never really... one thing ( aside from, yknow, men and masculine-identifying people. ) GENERALLY, though, they tend to be drawn to people who don't mind a little mischief and fun. in more supernaturally inclined people, they're drawn to those that make him feel safe, but also, those that take him seriously. if you're always looking down on them and acting like they're a puppy that doesn't know what they're talking about, you're just gonna piss him off. for humans, sometimes they just like... the normalness of it all. getting to feel like a human. they enjoy a stable presence, someone who can talk to them, reassure him, because jamie often gets caught up in his own head and blows things way out of proportion ( and holds everyone to a double standard. what he might forgive another for, as part of their nature, they have a little bit of a harder time forgiving himself for. )

oh and physically? while jamie doesn't discriminate, they do get a little bit hot and bothered by larger, stronger men or those who are confident and can be rather dominating.

PUTTING REST UNDER CUT BC THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE APPARENTLY

how easily does your muse fall in love?

"fall in love" or get crushes and attraction? because those aren't necessarily one in the same. jamie is someone who develops crushes easily. their childhood was... well, he didn't really get to talk to a lot of people growing up. they were homeschooled until they were fifteen, the only kind faces being their unwell mother and his sister, and the faces of the doctors and specialists he would be in to see regularly. jamie started attending public high school when he was 16, which would be the 11th grade (or maybe 10th? jamie is a late september baby, so their birthday is really early in the year ) if i remember right, and they were rather... well, high school can be rough.

so as a result, jamie tends to "fall in love" with... pretty much anyone who's kind to them for a relatively short period of time, who lets them feel comfortable and like they can be (kind of) themself. who doesn't mind when he's awkward ( which is always ) and rambly ( which is always ) and takes him seriously. though, jamie does at least have some restraint, they're not going to get crushes ( usually ) on someone in their fourties (visually. a supernatural creature that’s 1000 years old but looks 25 is fair game). thirties, however, isn't exactly off limits. and even then... that’s not exactly a rule. jamie could develop feelings for someone like that, it just feels weird since that’s like... twice his age. that said, these aren't... there's a reason jamie's usually so inexperienced in most verses: they like to flirt with those he's comfortable with, but jamie is at his heart a shy person. it's always a matter of " i flirt because nothing will actually come from this " and then when it DOES happen, he... doesn't know where to go from there.

actual, bonafide, "real" love though? that's not as common. jamie is quick to fall but slow to trust, so desperate to make people like him he doesn't want anyone to know the true jamie, lest they leave him like everyone else does. so jamie can't really fall in love without that security of knowing the person they're with knows jamie, in his entirety, and likes him anyway. and it can get rather complicated if the person they're with says the words first, because jamie's first instinct is to say them back so that there's no conflict, but he physically can't lie, so a workaround has to be found where he can say it without literally saying it.

"just trust people" i hear you saying, but he can't. to trust someone when you're a fae is a fools errand and a death wish wrapped up in a bow.

does your muse usually take the lead in relationships?

yes... and no. but mostly no. like i said, jamie is someone who likes to flirt when they're comfortable. and for the most part, there is intent there. an example of that is when jamie flirts with brock ( @fuckingvictus ), jamie likes to flirt and be all " why aren't we having sex " and shit like that. hell, on occasion, jamie might actually take initiative and go for the first kiss. but that's the exception not the rule. jamie lives in the world of " if i never risk it, i won't be rejected " and fails to recognise that this also means " if i never risk it, nothing will ever come of it. "

save this shy child.

what is your muse’s love language?

oh jeez this is a good one. i've never really thought about it in depth, actually. i think.... touch is a big one for jamie, both giving and receiving. they're a very physically affectionate person, and if they like you in any real way, you can expect him to lounge against you. it's very common for jamie to announce their presence by just... draping himself over your back ( but, if he knows you're liable to startle and experience panic or anxiety with this kind of thing, they'll probably tap your shoulder or make some noise while approaching first before lounging. ) in that same realm, quality time is pretty important to him, especially if you're one of the more.... shorter-lived variety, because they fear that one day... they just won't have that time. for receiving... i'd say probably touch, and maybe words of admiration? jamie rambles a lot when it comes to... well, anything, but they're always a bit too shy to express completely how they feel about someone. and if you ever wanna see them blush, all you gotta do is compliment him.

does your muse believe in soulmates?

no. at least, not unless there are very specific circumstance, like in the case of ely ( @spllcat ) where it's not so much "soulmates" and more " i am a familiar and in this life of mine i am bound to you " and it's like... it's not for a lack of romanticism. jamie is a romantic at heart, but it becomes a bit complicated when like... so a faerie like jamie can live an exceedingly long time. whether they can die of old age at all, jamie isn't really... sure? regardless, let's say hypothetically jamie will live for 1000 years. so this means, for 1000 years either:

jamie's soulmate is a human, born about 200 years after jamie. they live for a hundred years, and then die of old age. jamie now has 700 years left to live after the death of their soulmate.

jamie has no idea when their soulmate is born or dies, because they never once meet

jamie's soulmate dies in childhood

jamie's soulmate, of any race, is born when jamie is 900 years old. jamie has only 100 year with this person. he lived 90% of his life without this person.

it just doesn't seem realistic to him, even if they are a romantic. how can there only be one person for you? what if you're aromantic? what if you never meet? what if they die young? what if you actually can't stand them? they'll read fanfiction and watch anime and fantasize about the idea of soulmates, but they would never want them to be a thing in real life.

#🍀 | we taste and feel and see the truth ❞ ( headcanons. )#🍀 | never expect straight answers from the fey ❞ ( asks. )#1396 #thanks for this!#this got a bit rambly but it always does #it didn't do all the coding i asked it to >:c

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cazziamo · 5 years ago

Text

Runaway [8]

requested: no lol

group/member: EXO/ Baekhyun

word count: 5.9k

summary: All it takes is being at the wrong place, at the wrong time for you to be dragged back into the world you had tried so hard to leave behind.

[a/n]: aaaaaand i’m finally back lmfao so to make a long story short i rlly have no idea where this story is going so i just kinda write?? and whatever happens happens and well,,,,,,, this happened. unedited bc we die like men also i’ve had no sleep

warnings: violence, mentions of drug/drug use (marijuana), alcohol, smut (finally bitches)

When you say the boys bickered the entire way to the fair, you meant the entire way. Baekhyun was being as annoying as ever, teasing both you and your brother constantly. You were used to it but Tae was not, and the fact that his temper may have been quicker than yours started to show. Everything you said just seemed to make it worse, so you decidedly kept your mouth shut for most of the walk, but there was no stopping the grin on your face.

"And just what are you grinning at?" Your brother whipped his head towards you, lifting his hand to push at your forehead. "Wipe it off your face, you look dumb."

"I just missed you." You said, a little surprised at your own tone. "I haven't seen you in a while and so much has changed again recently that it's good to do something... normal, y'know?" You ignored the way your brother side-eyed you for a moment, the corners of his lips tugging down into a frown. He didn't say anything, but you knew it was enough to clue him in. He'd always been too smart for his own good.

"You said we had a lot to talk about." Tae said it bluntly, not asking you in any way. He stopped walking and turned to face you directly with furrowed brows. You stopped also, but with much more hesitance than he had, grateful that the streets had emptied out and there were hardly any people near you. "Is it what I think it is?"

"...yeah." You answered honestly, keeping your eyes locked on his. "But it's not exactly how you're thinking it-"

"I don't care how different it is, you promised!" He hissed angrily, grabbing at the sleeves of your jacket. "You promised me no more, that you were done-"

"I was!" You yelled. Baekhyun, who was being strangely silent, began to look around, and so you made sure to quiet yourself. "I was done, but I didn't have a choice this time. I would have been killed." You explained in as little words as possible, hoping that your brother would let it go for now. "That's why I said we had to talk about it, but can we have just a couple of good hours together before we go back and deal with this shit? Please?"

The tendons in your brother's neck jumped as he grit his teeth, jerking his body to the side, where his eyes landed on Baekhyun. "And how is he involved?"

"Later, please." You hated how exhausted you sounded, how 'emotionally tired' practically dripped from your words. But it was enough that your brother seemingly let it go, his shoulders sagging with the long exhale he gave. Without another word he turned and continued walking, leaving you behind. Baekhyun came around to your side and nudged you forward, looping his arm back around your shoulders. Your brother hadn't gone too far ahead, having stopped to wait for you guys at the corner, but once he saw you two were following he continued on his way. It was reassuring that he was still going to the fair with you, and hopefully it meant that he would be just as forgiving later when you actually explained. If he wanted nothing to do with you, then he would have already been gone. He's always been the type to stick to his guns, whether the people involved were strangers, friends, or family.

"You don't have to stay while we talk later." Baekhyun didn't look your way after you spoke, and for a moment you were worried you had spoken too lowly.

"Do you want me too?" He asked in response, again not looking your way at all, and somehow that bothered you. You still didn't understand why he was acting so differently around you, and you knew that there was no merit in what he told you earlier. Of course he had been teasing you, because who admitted to a crush so casually after so little time knowing that person? And in public in broad daylight?

You weren't a virgin by any means, but your actual romantic experience was next to nothing. Your parents had never had a good relationship so there were no early examples to draw from, and the older you got the less of a chance you had to find something for yourself. If it hadn't been for the fact that you were forced to go to extreme lengths for your family, then maybe you would have, but it was hard to have crushes when you're surrounded predominantly by older, mean, ruthless men and a whole lot of bloodshed. There were one night stands all the time, so it wasn't that you were unsatisfied, but you didn't know how to tell genuine interest from anything else.

As far as you knew, Baekhyun could just be wanting to keep an eye on you, make sure you wouldn't try to bail, or he was trying to get close to you to convince you to give up the key. He was just invested because of his pride, not because he actually wanted you. There had been too many incidents, too many accidents and 'I didn't mean it's and altercations because you had been dumb enough to trust a man in your line of work.

Even still, you found yourself answering Baek with "No." You wet your lips and couldn't help but bite onto your bottom one anxiously. "I would honestly feel better if you stayed, I guess."

"Then I stay." His answer came quick, and his voice was firm when he said it, like he wasn't going to change his mind for anything. He stopped walking and used the arm on your shoulder to stop you also, turning to face you. "Don't worry about that for now, anyway." He reached upwards and pushed your hair back, lifting his other hand to smooth the frizz down at the top, before leaving them resting on your cheeks. Either you were beginning to blush or his hands were just very, very warm. "We're gonna go to this carnival, have some fun, get some food, and then figure it out as we go, so get stepping." He turned you to face forward again and shoved you lightly, making sure to fall in line with you after. It was enough to make you laugh, deciding to do as he says and just deal with everything as it happens instead of ruining the time out by stressing. Besides, who knew when you would be able to leave the hideout like this again, so it was better to just take advantage of it.

By that time, you guys could finally see the fair at the corner, and the awkward form of your brother leaning against the gates of the entrance. He had already bought his wristband and had it looped loosely around his right wrist, his left hand fiddling with his phone. As the two of you hurried over to join him, Tae stood fully, shoving his hand roughly into his pocket to pull something out.

"Here," His hand shot out towards the two of you before you were even fully there, and you saw two more wristbands dangling from his hand. "Hurry up, I want to ride the Zipper first." Without another word, he turned and went through the gates, flashing his wristband when the attendant tried to stop him. You moved quickly after him, fastening the wristband around yourself as you darted through the gates, Baekhyun close behind on your heels.

The lines weren't too bad tonight, and you guys were able to quickly get on the rides that you wanted. True to your word from earlier, you sat next to your brother on almost all of the rides and Baekhyun didn't say a word about it, just settling himself in the carts behind you or even skipping the ride altogether. He claimed that the Zipper would make him way too nauseous and resorted to being the bag man of the trip, to which your brother certainly wasn't complaining. Tae would just pile his jacket into Baek's arms and throw his little backpack at him before getting into line without a word. You knew that he was just giving you and your brother the time together, and you really were thankful for him letting you out. You didn't know if you two would be in trouble with Suho later, but hopefully once the two explained everything he would let you off easy.

The three of you rode most of the rides there (thanks to the wristbands) and played quite a few games in between, which is where Baekhyun really became useful. It came to the point where you couldn't even see Baekhyun's hair over the pile of giant stuffed animals in his arms, of which only two were yours. The other few of them belonged to your brother, who surprisingly had very good aim (it must have run in the family). Tae seemed to be enjoying himself well enough, your usually rather stoic brother cracking more than a few grins throughout the night. It was nice to have the time with him, and the longer you spent out, the less you minded Baekhyun being there with you.

It was after you caught your brother stifling his third yawn in about twenty minutes that you made the suggestion to leave. He blinked at you with bleary eyes and agreed with you, and it was then that you felt the anxiety begin to bubble in your stomach. Grabbing a few of the stuffed animals from Baekhyun, the three of you left the park and headed towards the train station; your brother lived only two stops away from where he worked, which was one of the reasons why he liked the job. He said it was a pain to find work somewhere else since everywhere else was too far, but you had the sneaky suspicion your brother just liked the tips he would get from the university girls.

Usually anxiety made you feel like everything was moving at a snails pace, slow and steady to the point you felt like you would go insane before anything happened. Today, it felt like everything was sped up, like someone had pressed the nitro boost on the train to make it accelerate at an alarming rate. Things were moving too fast for you, and you were scrambling to make a plan for when you spoke to your brother, but your brain was too overcrowded with worst case scenarios and blow out arguments to even start. The two stops passed fast enough that you felt you had only just sat down, and then a few blurry moments later your brother was putting his code in for the door to his apartment. He kicked off his shoes at the door and left them where they landed, trudging in to plop onto his armchair. You followed behind him, taking the time to put his sneakers on the rack and placing yours neatly by the edge before following him into the living room, Baekhyun right behind you.

As you situated yourself on the side of the couch closest to your brother, he began to speak. "So, please, enlighten me as to how everything is different this time, and how the bozo on your left is involved."

Baekhyun huffed indignantly but otherwise stayed silent, wisely redirecting his attention somewhere else. You ran a hand through your hair, mussing it up before flopping it back down to your lap, huffing yourself. "It's different this time because I didn't have a choice, Tae. I didn't even go willingly this time, I was knocked out and taken. Saw something I wasn't supposed to, and the option was do as they said or die. If I'm being honest, I told them to just kill me, but then the asshole just smirked at me and told one of his guys to take me to my room. And then some people from Owls showed up at my apartment and shot the place up and that's how I got sucked back in." You weren't sure how much you had actually breathed while spitting that out, and if how you were panting was anything to judge by, you didn't think you had. "And then I got used as bait and we took down the guys who were trying to kill me but then they said that they knew you and I didn't have a choice, Tae. I did what I had to."

Your brother was completely silent while you spoke, only blowing a strand of hair out of his eyes when you had finished. "And him?" He asked, jutting his chin towards Baekhyun.

"I was the one who brought her in." Baek spoke before you could, and effectively telling your brother the one thing you wouldn't have mentioned. "I had a deal outside of her apartment building, and she came home right in the middle of it. She put up a good fight, but I got her and now here we are."

You shifted nervously, picking at the fabric of your pants with eyes that flickered back and forth between Baekhyun and your brother. Your brother leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair and messing it up. "So you're the reason we're going through this shit again?" He huffed, standing up straight out of the chair. He only took a few steps forward, but everything about him screamed that he was a second from snapping. "You-" His voice was raising and he aggressively pointed at Baekhyun, stepping close enough this time that his fingertip was inches away from Baekhyun's face. "You are the reason that everything has gone to shit again?"

Baekhyun's face was steeled- a dangerous sort of calm as he reached up and moved your brothers hand out of face. "Yeah."

The hand that Baekhyun had moved away suddenly curled into a fist and flashed forward so quickly you would have missed it if not for your hyper vigilance in the tense atmosphere. Baekhyun's head had snapped backwards, one arm reaching backwards to steady himself on the back of the couch and the other flinging forward to grab onto your brothers shirt. He pushed himself off of the couch with his legs and used his momentum to shove Tae backwards. Tae tripped over the coffee table and fell backwards, Baekhyun quickly getting on top of him. Baek's knees were on your brothers forearms and he was sitting on his chest to keep him pinned. Your brain finally kicked in and you lunged off the couch, throwing yourself across the table to tackle Baekhyun off of him, and as soon as Baek's weight was gone, your brother rolled over and got up, swinging at Baek again.

"Tae, stop!" You yelled, trying to grab his arms, but he shook you off roughly and went after Baekhyun again and again. Grabbing his arms again, you tried to pin them behind his back but he shoved you this time, sending you crashing into the table.

"You motherfucker!" Tae screamed, throwing his leg out to kick Baekhyun in his side, who managed to grab his leg and yank him to the floor, rolling on top of him again. "You fucking asshole, do you have any idea what you've done?" He bucked and threw Baekhyun off of him, shooting up onto his knees to drive an elbow into Baekhyun's chest. The two continued to grapple on the floor until you had finally had enough, anxiety and adrenaline and upset all bubbling forward until you abruptly sat on the couch and burst into tears.

Your brother was just venting, and you knew it, but for some reason you couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that despite all of the attacks on him, Baekhyun had yet to retaliate against your brother even once. Every move he had made towards Tae was purely of defense and attempts to pin him, and it showed you a different side of Baekhyun. Maybe you were being self-centered in the whole situation, thinking things were because of you when they probably weren't, trying to make yourself into a victim when you most likely didn't have a right to be, but there was a part of you that believed Baekhyun was trying to spare you as much in the situation as possible.

And the situation was one that honestly scared you, and wondered where your brother had been keeping all of this rage and sadness bottled up inside of him. He was screaming about the times before and how things had been so, so good, and it broke your heart. You knew he wouldn't ever turn out the way you had, that he wouldn't make the same rash decisions you had at his age, but watching him throw perfectly formed punches with a brutal amount of force behind them made you think about the circumstances in which he had learned them.

The two stopped almost immediately, both freezing in place before turning to look at you. Your brother managed to scramble over first, fixing his hair with one hand and using the other to awkwardly pat your shoulder.

"You two are such assholes!" You blubbered, gesturing vaguely between the two of them. "This- this isn't what I wanted, I just wanted you not to hate me and cut me off and-"

"I don't hate you." Your brother rushed out, almost slurring his words with how fast he tried to speak. "And I'm not gonna cut you off or anything so just- just don't do that." He gestured to your face, cringing away from you after. "Just don't cry, I don't know how to handle people crying."

So you cried more. "I didn't have a choice, Tae, they knew where you lived!"

"I know, I know." He frantically tried to soothe you. "I'm not mad at you, I just don't want things to be like before-"

"I didn't have a choice then either, Tae! Neither of them were working and we were starting to get eviction threats, for Christ's sake. I did what I had to!"

"You left me-"

"They threw me out! Beat the shit out of me and then threw me on the streets in the middle of the fucking night." Your voice broke again, and it was then that Baekhyun slumped down on your other side, his arm finding its way onto your hunched back, his thumb gliding gently. "I was fifteen, too young for a real job and no where else to go. I didn't have a choice, Tae. I just did what I could to make shit work." There was a long pause after you finished, the silence of the room filled with your shaky breathing and sniffles.

"Well, it didn't." He finally said. His voice was harsh and firm and he turned to glare down at you, lips pursed like he had something more to say. Instead of speaking, he just licked his lips and huffed, turning on his heel and walking down the hallway, leaving you and Baekhyun in the wavering silence of the living room. Wavering because you were trying to pull it together, to turn the sobbing into silence, relapsing back into cries every couple of tries. Baekhyun was still being quiet, not getting too close as you worked through your shit, and eventually you had pulled it together enough to speak clearly.

"I guess that's our cue to show ourselves out." You said with a shaky voice, rubbing the palms of your hands against your legs before patting them and standing.

He reached out and grabbed one of your hands, cupping it in both of his before grabbing the other one and covering it. "You're shaking," He murmured, sounding like he was talking more to himself than he was to you.

You shifted your weight awkwardly, pulling your hands from him and shoving them into your jacket pockets. "Can we just go already?" You whined, already moving towards the door. He trailed after you, putting his shoes on halfway before following you out of the door and fixing them as he went. He came up behind you and tried to pull your hand out of your pocket, but you yanked yourself away from him and quickened your pace, eager to get home and sleep and forget about all of this as soon as possible.

______________________________________________________________

A few hours, a good cry, and a fat nap later, you found yourself waking up in the near middle of the night. You had skipped dinner after your explanation to Suho (who looked like a disappointed father when you returned) and went right to your room, and you could feel the effects of not eating coiling in your stomach after so long. Still in your clothes from earlier, you stumbled out of your room and headed towards the kitchen.

The light was already on in there, and the sliding door that lead to the smoking room was open a few inches. You ignored it, pouring yourself a glass of water and heating it up in the microwave for some tea. Rummaging around in the fridge yielded nothing but leftovers and small snacks, so you settled for kimchi and cold fried rice, eating while your tea steeped. It wasn't until you had shoveled your first large bite of mixed food into your mouth that you heard the muffled cursing from the room beside you. Cheeks still puffed from the food, you stood and made your way over to the door and peeked in.

You were surprised to see Baekhyun sitting there, an open bottle of whiskey and a tall glass filled halfway with the said drink next to him. He was fiddling with something in his hands, and as you opened the door wilder and walked in, you realized he was running his lighter down a barely lit joint.

"Damn," He hissed, putting it out before attempting to relight it, and even from where you were standing, you could see how his form hunched in the chair and how his hands were shaking. He hadn't even noticed you were in the room yet, showing you just how smashed he was, so you walked over to him and snatched the joint from him, setting it in between your lips and pulling to light it. After you exhaled the smoke and checked to make sure it wasn't canoeing like before, you passed it back to him. He took it and immediately inhaled deeply, exhaling through his nose before hitting it again and passing it back to you.

"What are you doing, Baek?" You asked him quietly. "I thought I was the one with midnight breakdowns around here."

He laughed humorlessly, a quick scoff that made you sit straight. "I needed everything to stop for a little while." He replied, taking a long swig of his drink. "Was too loud." He mumbled.

You reached over and took the bottle, dragging it to your side of the coffee table before taking a long sip, wincing from the burn after. "Wanna talk about it?" You ashed the joint and passed it back to him, but your only answer was a long groan as a soft thud as his head hit the table.

"I fuck up everything in sight." He whined, lifting his head just enough to take a long puff before setting it back down again. "No matter where I go, I fuck things up so I feel good and then it bites me in the ass later."

"What'd you do this time?" You asked, barely managing to hide the amusement in your voice, although any that you felt was immediately squashed after he spoke next.

"You." He moaned miserably, burying his head in his arms. You didn't know how to answer and just decided not to, watching the ashes fall from the end of the paper and flutter to the floor. "I've never had to deal with this shit before. Anyone I've brought in, I've never been close to like this. I didn't just see what I did to you, but I had to face your brother and see what I did to him too. And I can't fix any of it, can't do a damn thing about it."

"Why is it bothering you so much, Baek?" You leaned over and placed your hand on his head, threading your fingers through his soft hair and running your hand through it to soothe him. "I'm not mad anymore, I've accepted it."

'Because I have big feelings for you. I don't wanna name them yet because that shit scares me, but I do." His free hand reached upwards to cover yours on his head, stilling it. He didn't turn to look at you, but somehow you got the feeling that he wasn't as smashed as you had thought.

"What feelings?" You surprised yourself by asking.

"Sappy shit." He spat out, sounding almost angry. "I like your face, but I like your smile more. I like your eyes and your stupid nose and your witch cackle laugh and the weird snort you sometimes do when you try not to laugh. I like how much you like penguins and sharks and how loyal and strong you are. I like how hard you've worked to take car of your brother, and how you're trying to take care of me now. I like how excited you get when you talk about shit you like because you're just so fucking cute sometimes that it disgusts me, and then I get disgusted by how much I like liking you. It shouldn't be like this but it is and I know shit won't go anywhere because I fucked your life up again, and it doesn't matter if you don't hate me for it because I already hate myself." He rambled on and on, stopping only once to take another insanely long drag of the joint, followed by an even longer swig of his whiskey, draining the glass.

"I'm only gonna say this straight because of how drunk you are, it's kind of hard to get embarrassed." You smiled, reaching with your other hand to take the joint from him and place it down in the ashtray. You pulled both of his hands away from himself, pulling him into a straight sitting position and locking eyes with him. "I'm pretty sure I like you too. You annoy me but it's only because the things you say make me embarrassed, and I hate how I can't react the way I want to around you. My heart does fucking flips in my chest and I feel like throwing up all of time because I'm stuck between wanting to touch you and wanting to stay away so I didn't catch these feelings, but obviously it didn't work, because here we are."

" 'M drunk," He whispered, slurring his words slightly. His eyes were cast aside, avoiding yours as best as she could, so you grabbed him by the cheeks and forced him to look at you.

"You are, but that doesn't mean this isn't real." He leaned into your palms, turning his head to the side to press a light kiss to your hand.

You laughed lightly, starting to draw your hands back. Baekhyun followed your movements, rising on wobbly legs to lean over the coffee table towards you, slumping clumsily towards you. His forehead knocked into yours harshly and he lost balance, nearly falling on top of you, but you were quick enough to steady him and laughed breathlessly. His eyes were closed, his breath warm as his god damn whiskey breath smacked you in the face, but the tension in the air was enough that you ignored it, moving your eyes from his closed ones to his lips, and you decided to hurry up and just do it, surging upwards to close the gap.

His reaction was instantaneous- his arms flying up to your back, one of them sliding upwards to wind itself tightly into your hair. His mouth slotted sloppily over yours, using his hand in your hair to angle your head to deepen the kiss. He stepped around the small coffee table, managing not to lose contact with your body, instead pressing himself against you. The space between you two was minimal, reduced to nothing as he absolutely dominated the kiss. It was hot and heavy and aggressive, like a stretched out rubber band that was about to snap at any moment.

Baekhyun spun your bodies around, taking up where you had previously been sitting on the chair and yanking you down onto his lap. The hand in your hair tightened, pulling your head back sharply and breaking the kiss, allowing Baekhyun the room to mouth hotly at you neck, pressing open mouthed kisses and laving his tongue down to your clavicle before moving back upwards to bite down near your pulse point. You keened, moaning airily at the sensations. Your hand flew upwards, grappling at his shoulder to find purchase, to steady yourself in the too fast and too intense situation.

The hand wrapped around your waist slinked lower, his hand coming down to palm your ass, gripping it roughly before moving back to your waist, pulling your hips down to grind harshly into his. You were turned on enough at this point that the smallest bit of pressure sent your nerves haywire, and feeling his already hard length pressing into you sent your body up in flames. Your breath hitched, choking on the groan that rose in your throat, and you could feel the vibrations on your neck from Baekhyun's satisfied hum.

"So eager already." He murmured, pulling back from you to stare at you with hazy eyes. His hands never stopped moving, one moving back to your ass and the other trailing to your front to palm your heat through your jeans. His hands would fiddle with he button of your jeans before trailing down to your center, putting pressure against you as he dragged his hand back upwards again to the button. "Want me to touch you, baby?"

"Yes," you breathed, shuddering on his lap. "Please, Baekhyun."

He hummed, flicking open the button and pulling down your zipper far enough that his hand fit in, and he wasted no time in touching you. His fingers dragged roughly over your panties before finding the edges, wiggling his hand past the band and right onto your soaked mound. "So wet, so hot." He said, fingers gliding across your clit with ease, sending you bucking into him. "Want you so much, wanna bend you over this table and fuck you stupid right here."

You groaned , placing your hands behind you on Baekhyun's knees to steady yourself, leaning back to there was more room between the two of you. He started to tug at the waistband of your jeans, and you lifted off of his lap so he could tug them down for you. He was frenzied now, moving so quickly that he didn't bother taking your pants all the way off, leaving the jeans and panties dangling from one of your ankles. Instead of sitting back on his lap, he flipped you over and pinned your body to the couch, stuffing two fingers inside of you.

Your hips bucked, forcing Baekhyun to put his hands on your hips and push to keep you still. A long, feral moan tore from your throat, one arm flying into his hair to grip tightly. His fingers were long and thin, reaching deeper parts of you that you could never reach yourself, and as he crooked his fingers inside of you, you felt like you were melting into the couch.

"Please," You begged, voice breathy and words slurred almost to the point of in-coherency. "Please, Baek, need more." You groaned, attempting to roll your hips into his. He didn't respond, opting to move instead. Without a word, he slid his body down yours until his face was directly in front of your sopping heat, and you watched him lick his lips once before diving in.

The second his lips wrapped around your clit and sucked your body caved in on itself, body twitching at the sudden over-stimulation. His fingers were thrusting in and out of you at a rapid pace, his wrist flicking skillfully to drag them along your inner walls in rhythm with his swirling tongue. He was eating you like a man starved, and had you not been so many sheets to the wind, you might've been embarrassed at the obscene noises the two of you were making.

Your body shuddered, walls fluttering over his fingers as he pushed you closer to the edge. You whined desperately, writhing on the couch underneath his onslaught. "Gonna come on my fingers, baby?" Baekhyun suddenly sat up onto his knees, putting more force behind his hand. "I want you to, wanna see you dripping all over my hand, wanna see your face all fucked out underneath me. Would you like that, baby?" Moaning loudly, you nodded frantically, eyes screwed shut. You could feel the pressure building, the coil in your stomach burning bright red with the heat you were feeling You just needed one good push, just a little more to send you over the edge, and Baekhyun didn't disappoint. His other hand trailed upwards from where it had been occupied with your breasts, up to your throat where it curled around it, fingers squeezing with just enough pleasure to have your head tipping back and hips stuttering.

Everything was building up, it was reaching a peak so intense that it almost scared you. You had never felt like this before, not this fast, and most certainly not just from someones fingers. His thumb rubbing on your clit, his fingers hitting all the right spots inside you, and his had wrapped around your throat was finished off by his single word. "Cum." And you did. You did so strongly that you swear you blacked out for a moment, eyes squeezed shut tightly enough that white exploded behind them, Your body arched higher than it had before, shuddering and twitching as he continued his onslaught, high pitched whines flowing continuously from you.

"Good girl." He said, slowing his thrusts gradually, letting you ride out the last bits of your high. He pulled his fingers from you slowly, dragging them over your clit and sending you whining, body twisting to get away from the near painful sensations. His hand reached up to smooth over your mussed up hair, and even as your body shook from the aftershocks, your eyes slid closed. You were trying to catch your breath, but Baekhyun was trying to clumsily detach himself from you. Eventually he did so and disappeared for a moment, returning shortly with a few tissues.

"Let's get you cleaned up and in bed, baby girl." You hummed in complacent agreement, not yet having the energy or will to move. He carefully dressed you back up, not bothering the button your pants all the way, however, as he attempted to help you up. Both of you were still shaky, but the experience seemed to have sobered him up enough that he could support your weight. The two of you made your way back into your room, Baekhyun flopping onto your bed while you slowly changed, before settling in beside him. As the two of you situated yourselves, intertwining legs and maneuvering arms around, you realized that this was a type of complacent you hadn't felt in a long time, a content, calm, and happy feeling settling inside your chest. It was with this warmth, this content inside and out, and in Baekhyun's arms that you drifted off to sleep, for once not worried about tomorrow.

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