#no I haven't been working on this for a week and a half

[out-there-tmblr]

Young zaundads wip (16)

***

Silco finds him at the end of the day and insists on collecting the money straight away. Vander rolls his eyes and agrees, betting to himself that they won't be back in time to eat at the mess hall. He fetches the purse from his dorm, from the hole in the corner of his mattress, and hands it to Silco.

Silco takes it with a reverence that betrays him. It must be the first time Silco's seen so much bronze, judging by his stunned expression when he opens the purse. Vander's never been rich but he's been to the dicing dens on the riverbank, seen the stack of silver and bronze at the high stakes tables. Here at the mines, even the gambling happens by debt and credit, to be paid off when the company allows their monthly payments.

He follows Silco's instructions, stands back and looks intimidating while Silco haggles over a pallet of wood. Half of it has been damaged by the Pilt, the chemicals staining the wood a blue-grey that will never sand out. The pieces are slightly warped where they were wet, but they're as strong as anything they've managed to scavenge. And it's a whole pallet of wood that Silco manages to purchase for fifty-five bronze.

Moving it is a different story. It's too heavy for Vander to lift above his knees and even when Silco helps, they struggle to move it more than two paces.

"Maybe I should go ask Benzo and Felicia for help," Vander suggests, and one side of Silco's lip curls up in a sneer.

"What possible reason would they have to help?"

"A favour," Vander replies. Silco doesn't look any more convinced. "A favour for me."

Silco stalks around the wooden planks, head tilted as he eyes the problem. "What we really need is a few pairs of gauntlets. We'd be able to lift it then."

The idea of Silco's slender fingers inside a pair of gauntlets seems absurd. "Have you ever used a pair of gauntlets?"

"It doesn't matter," Silco says instead of admitting Vander's right. "That equipment is locked up too securely to be any help to us."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Break it down to something manageable. We'll hide what we can't carry and take it down over multiple trips."

It takes them hours. Hours to carry the wood down from the riverside to the fissures, up through the abandoned mine and come back for another load. They work quietly together but every so often, Silco shoots him confused glances.

"Is something wrong?" Vander asks as they stride back up to the docks, hands aching but empty.

"No."

"You sure? You keep looking like…" Vander shrugs. "Like something doesn't make sense."

Silco pushes a stray strand of black hair behind his ear, looking down. "You didn't have to help."

Vander laughs. "What are my chances of getting any action with you if I didn't help?"

"Fifty-five bronze," Silco replies sharply. "You could have visited Babette's for a week. Much easier."

Vander turns around to stare at him. (It's also an excuse to catch his breath.) "Babette's doesn't have you."

Silco narrows his eyes, like Vander's throwing around sweet and empty words. "It's been weeks, Vander. Weeks of you helping me. You don't need to. You don't owe them. Do you honestly expect me to believe it's because the sex is up to a professional standard?"

"It is good." They haven't gone past hands and mouths, but he's worked out how to make Silco keen, his back arched off the floor and his hands desperately digging into Vander's forearms. He knows how Silco looks on his knees, smug and challenging with his thin lips stretched around Vander's cock. "But it's more than that. I like you. I like spending time with you, and that seems to involve a lot of manual labour right now."

"It's my sparkling personality?"

"It doesn't matter who owes how much. We're both in the mines. If we don't help each other, who will?"

***

[abysskeeper]

Trick, mistake, secret and skin

This 100% did not start with me thinking Trick was one of the words

Yeah ok, my secret is that I'm always on my bullshit about Trick too. Another readmore because I uh...always always ramble hard about my girl.

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

So, the key to writing Trick in any way, shape, or form is that she is, 99.9% of the time, never comfortable in her own skin and always contending with some type of monster writhing beneath her skin. Is she confident and capable in her abilities? Yes. Willing to lead and make the tough decisions? Yes. Self-assured and secure in who she is? No, never.

Is it a contradiction in a lot of ways? Yes, but the girl's a mess of martyr complexes and insecurities. She almost always, honestly believes she is the most horrible version of herself (a coward and a monster), and though she would only call herself as such in a conversation where it's directly referenced, she never denies the accusation and does all she can with her actions to try and make up for her perceived shortcomings. In reality, the worst version of herself is the girl who gave up for a time (there's usually some point in her history where she went selectively mute and actively tried to kill herself), and in that regard, Trick often pretends that girl actually succeeded. She rarely acknowledges that time existed, ashamed as she is by it, and on the rare chance it does come up...well, the ensuing conversation isn't pretty.

As for the monsters beneath her skin, it varies by verse, but she's usually contending with some type of darkness or beast that's a thinly veiled allegory for her rage, desperation, and trauma (because I'm like that). A few examples, in no particular order:

Pack-verse: In Trick's original universe (a dystopian urban fantasy/sci-fi mashup), she's a wolf shapeshifter who was experimented on as a kid, which ultimately resulted in the line between human and beast blurring within her. Meaning, she has a tendency to go partial-to-full werewolf when deeply upset, among other differences (improved senses, heightened instincts and reflexes, etc). She's terrified of her capabilities and tries to repress herself as much as possible, which only backfires. The whole character arc there is about her coming to terms with who she is and what happened to her, and accepting that that side of her (the rage, the desperation, the trauma) is not actually a bad thing (and is actually more heightened because of her human choices, not the animalistic ones).

SWTOR: I took the Jedi Consular story and ran with it. The effects of the Force plague linger after chapter 1, even after Morrhage is defeated. I figured that lending out your soul to protect fellow Jedi against a Dark plague probably means you don't get everything back properly, even if you did everything right. She doesn't suffer from corruption so much (I actually believe she's not corruptible because she learned the shielding technique), but she's almost constantly, subconsciously using the shielding technique on herself to battle off the bit of Darkness she inherited from those she shielded. Other parts of her are missing altogether. It causes her a lot of chronic pain, but over time she learns to deal with it...until chapter 3 when she secretly starts shielding the Children and accidentally inherits some of the Emperor's power. KOTFE and KOTET are the worst time of her life, and she never knew so much relief as when the Emperor finally died in EOO.

BG3: My new project and current brainrot. Trick's issues are a little different here, as she's dealing with divinity instead of darkness (her backstory fic I'm working on is literally subtitled "You've Been Touched by Something Holy"). Instead of dealing with darkness, she's dealing with the fact she's literally been touched by the God of Death and bares the scars (both physical and emotional. I'm using this as an excuse to finally make this a valid design and not just metaphorical) that set her apart from her peers. It's still very much a metaphor for her rage and grief, but has a new and exciting flavor that I'm still working out all the kinks of.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

Again, depends on verse, but Trick always has at least one, world shattering secret she's keeping to herself. Generally, no matter in what iteration, there are deaths in her past she doesn't want anyone knowing about. The numbers and her exact involvement often vary, but she always feels a sense of guilt for people she either directly or indirectly killed through her actions and/or inactions. Otherwise:

Pack-verse: Her primary secret she wishes no one knew is, exactly, the number of people she's been responsible for killing as an agent of the government. However, that isn't a secret she can hide, as most people know and/or remember her committing those crimes. Instead, the secret she's trying most to hide is the aforementioned experimentation and ensuing consequences. She doesn't want anyone to know just how monstrous she really is, and how utterly disgusted she constantly feels about herself.

SWTOR: She tries to take the fact she was born an Imperial slave to the grave, but it does come out eventually to the Republic or Alliance. Instead, the one thing she will take to the grave is what happened to her as a result of the shielding technique. She'll never speak a word about the non-corruption corruption (thus, she'll never ask for help) because she fears how people will view her or treat her if they ever knew. The only exception is Cipher Nine, sometimes, but that man can and will both take a secret to the grave and never once consider betraying her trust.

BG3: The fact she died and was resurrected by a God. It's kind of hard to avoid in full, given the golden scarring is a dead giveaway of something divine happening to her, but she doesn't easily share the full story. And having died and being resurrected stands in direct contrast to being a cleric (and unrealized Chosen) of Kelemvor, nevermind the fact it was Kelemvor who asked her to live and resurrected her in the first place. It's complicated.

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

Trusting Torren, in every verse. The worst mistake she ever made is trusting her...ex? Abuser? Mirror image and narrative foil? All of the above?

Regardless, Torren is always her worst mistake. She tried so hard to fix him, but he was one of those people who couldn't be helped, and did nothing but manipulate and use her further because of her goodwill. People got hurt and died because of it, no matter the verse. She got hurt (usually assaulted), no matter the verse. Torren is always the worst mistake, no matter what, and the only reason she ever trusted him was because she was young and naive and just wanted to help.

Usually Trick rectifies it by, eventually, killing him. It's the only way she feels like she can rectify everything he's done (to her and to others), and it is her burden to bare alone (though sometimes Tav insists on doing the honors). Even after he's dead though, it takes a long time for her to move on from everything that happened. When she has Tav, he usually helps facilitate her moving on quicker, but she can get there on her own with enough time away from the situation and a metric fuckton of painful self-reflection.

[forgettable-au]

The comic is coming back this week! WOHOO

Start of chapter 2!! Yayy!

[miodiodavinci]

im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave

[hannie-dul-set]

latest nabi moment. it's 4:23am. good fucking night.

[joyridingmp3]

tomorrow plan: seduce rego man into giving me another $30 pink slip because i am so poor i will have literally $2 to my name if he does. and then charm my mother into giving me free drugs. 🤞 love being a libra.

[ilkkawhat]

just reflecting today on the 7th poured drink tonight and recalling how when i was venting to my co-workers about yesterday and the panic attack i had and all that, she mentioned how I needed more help when I was drowning and i swear to you the immediate thing that came to mind when she said that was alan wake

[guinevereslancelot]

snow!!! 🤯

[mostlyihyperfixate]

I have decided I'm gonna just have to put down Spirit of Justice and play Investigations first. If I can't get into my tags without spoiling myself, how will I know when new fanfics get posted???????

But not tonight. I am exhausted, and also weirdly committed to making mundane things I've been looking forward to ~~~special~~~, so it's gonna have to wait until I have access to a bathtub again--or at least until I have had a good night's sleep.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

mordecai is the first funny bitch like spends 90% of his time literally just standing there going "i'm dapressed" to himself while everyone in the vicinity takes potshots and then he's clocking in for the night shift where for the next 9 hours people go "god mordecai would it kill you to act like you're having more fun at the [kills you] factory"

[culmaer-sideblog]

please forgive me, but I need to complain and over-share or my brain is going to explode please feel free to ignore

[tennessoui]

do you know when we’ll be getting foolproof’s update, kit? Just wanted to ask bc I have a super stressful day today and I’ve been excited about reading the new chapter as a reward for getting through the stressful stuff for days 🥰🥰🥰

ahhh this is fair this is fair

ive actually reached the point in the chapter where it could very much be split into 2 halves seeing as i'm at 6.5k with about roughly 4 very crucial scenes to go, which would double that word count and then some....

but those are words that aren't there yet (for a time and tide update, i once just split a 12k chapter into 2 parts and posted them at the same time), so i could post what i have --- the current completed scene would be a stopping point that makes sense and it'd be roughly 6k --- or i could wait to post until i have what would be the full chapter and then split it into 2 parts and post them at the same time (that might be up to another week?) --- or i could post 1 very long chapter that does what i want it to do but could be overwhelming to read

literally went on a thirty minute walk today to try and think this through because trust me i do want to give y'all what's coming asap but i also have a vision, which at this point contradicts my stance against 14k chapters (they're gifts from god but also i get lost in them!)

[warningstandbygo]

The great thing about being an Adult is that if you randomly get Extremely Overwhelmed by Existence, no one can stop you from going into your closet in your bedroom with your laptop, changing into a onesie, and sitting in the dark quiet enclosed space all by yourself (even though you're the only one here because your spouse isn't home from work yet).

[ladylynse]

(Mostly.)

[confetti-critter]

The night is young and I am free to do whatever my heart desires but unfortunately I have once again found myself trapped in the Time Prison and so I

[united-under-skyfall]

.