#no I dont actually blame the public but I do at the same time
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I don’t wanna be that person but Katy Perry put out two albums that NOBODY paid attention to so it’s kinda everyone else’s fault she had to put out shitty kohl’s millennial music
#stupid shit#this is a joke please don’t threaten me#but the more I think about this new album the more pissed off I get that nobody paid attention to witness and smile#people really said ‘but but the pixie cut :((((( ‘#because obviously a haircut means the music is gonna be shitty right???#smile is dare I say better than teenage dream and NOBODY wants to talk about that#I could talk about how disappointed I am right now for this era all day#no I dont actually blame the public but I do at the same time
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honestly i wish i didnt know as much as i do about occultism and spirituality because it is so fucking frustrating to see ppl talk about it and they very obviously do not have the knowledge that i have. like i am so open to being wrong, but i see things that ppl are saying and i'm fairly certain that they just ... do not have the depth of knowledge i do, so they say very ignorant things, or draw lines between things in an incredibly (potentially dangerously) overgeneralized way. and i am just sitting here like "oh you have no clue what you are saying right now, do you? you do not realize what you are saying is unfortunately pretty damn wrong." and i have to back away from the screen bc i do not discuss these things anymore due to the brain being constantly ready to dropkick me straight into a mental health crisis
but christ alive i think anyone who engages with spirituality needs to read up on like. essentially Everything they can get their hands on, even if they do not necessarily agree with the ideas being presented, because that way !! you learn !! and you grow to realize what things are borne out of racism and grossly mystifying other cultures and straight up white supremacy and nazi ideology and encouraging psychotic symptoms that lead to mental health crises !!!
#i hate new age spirituality so much. soooo much. 90% of it is just racism repackaged with a pretty bow on top#and nobody realizes bc they do not know what the fuck they are engaging with :))) what the roots of it all actually is !!!#and i do not necessarily blame them but i am so .... its tiring. and disconcerting. and scary. to see all of it being paraded around#esp when ppl accuse you of being ignorant or cruel for criticising smth that is so fucking dangerous or racist hsdgjkl ARGH ARGH ARGH#just bc they themselves do not realize !! it is dangerous and/or racist!! and they assume you must be wrong to criticise them!!!#sorry im just hgdsgjkl. this drives me crazy. i also hope i dont sound egotistical or high-n-mighty#but i do genuinely know i have more knowledge than the average bear (not difficult to though tbh! u just have to read a lot!!)#because i was so fucking fixated on it and went delving into so many books and pdfs and websites and did my own stuff on my own time#for several years#i was DEEP in this stuff (and boy howdy my mental health suffered for it lmfao me when i lose touch w reality almost entirely !!)#AND OBVIOUSLY. not everyone is going to have the same exps i did when they do spirituality stuff#but . it is very common esp these days. there is a whole label for it lol#ALRIGHT IM DONE RANTING NOW. im going to log off from everything for a good long while today to try to reset my nervous system lmfao#sorry for the public yelling and wailing fsdfjkl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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Rafe fucking jayj’s step sister to piss him off because he has a feeling your relationship with him goes beyond being step siblings
- 💅🏽
꩜⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚
rafe has been watching you. he was intrigued truly, how a sweet girl like you wound up being a pogue. he knew you couldn’t be jj’s actual sister, no— you didn’t quite look the same, and the way you and him interacted, even in public was odd. too touchy, yet cautious, overly self aware. shit, he couldn’t blame jj. if a fine piece of ass like you found your way into his family he’d probably do the exact same.
the need to get back at jj came when he went down for technically vandalising toppers boat. technically, it was pope. but pope didn’t have anything that rafe wanted… jj however…
you were stood so shyly at the entrance to the cameron residence, having received a message from ‘ward’ (actually rafe) that he was interested in hiring you, some kind of personal assistant job. but ward was out of town, and rafe was welcoming you inside.
“y’know i—i don’t know what he was thinking inviting you round right now, he’s out of town.” he scratches his temple, squinting apologetically.
“oh…” you fiddle with your fingers, glancing around at the inside of pristine tannyhill.
“yeah… yeah, i’m sorry about that. you want somethin’ to drink? whilst you know, whilst you’re here?” he extends his arm, backing up towards the kitchen.
“oh i couldn’t possibly—”
“please, anything you want.” rafe waves you off as you follow him through to the next room.
“well, if you insist. just a water please, i’m a little parched from riding my bike over here.” he tries not to snicker, thinking about that little pogue-mobile of yours. it was so you, rickety little thing with a pink basket on top. cute, rafe thought.
even the look of a brita water filter seems to slightly excite you and he smiles, filling up a glass and handing it to you. as you drink, he speaks— seemingly making conversation.
“so you’re uh… maybanks sister, right?” he leans on the counter. he sees you stiffen slightly, knowing the two of them have had their quarrels, but jj never really letting you in on the ins and outs. “s’okay, i can separate the two of you. we’re all adults here, right?” he reassures.
you put the glass down on the counter, wiping your wet hand on your dress. “well, he’s my step-brother.” you clarify.
“ah, yeah… yeah i thought so. no one acts like that with their step sibling.” his gaze doesn’t leave yours even when yours flickers away, guilty. right then, that moment there — rafe knew his suspicions were true. he steps back, nodding for you to follow him. “lets go sit down, yeah?���
you feel you have no choice but to follow him, sitting on the large couch now beside him with your hands on your lap. he leans his elbow on his knee, watching you.
“i—i wanna be straight up with you, that okay?” he drawls after the small talk time is up, eyes boring into yours.
“…yeah.”
“i know it’s not my business but i… i feel like your step-brother is doin’ things to you that he shouldn’t be doin’. and… it just wouldn’t be right for me to sit here n’not intervene i mean i’m older than you, right? and — and it’s my duty to watch out n’protect girls like you. i’m… right aren’t I? he’s touching on you?”
“rafe… no.” you shake your head, looking away shyly, clearly scandalised.
“you know it’s not very polite to come to someone’s house n’ lie to them, sweetheart.” he squints one eye, the idea of upsetting him making you nervous.
“no i’m sorry it’s just… it’s not like that, okay? he teaches me stuff. that’s all. i… dont have a lot of experience so he’s helping me. that’s it, i swear.” you break easily, and rafes fighting everything in him not to smirk.
“your brother?” he almost sounds mocking, like he wants to laugh and your brows furrow.
“step brother.”
“yeah i…i dunno, kid. you know you could have anyone on this island. m’serious, with a — a pretty face like that? shit.” he leans back, shaking his head. “even i’d help you out.”
and that’s how he gets you, right there on that couch — because fifteen minutes later he’s got you on his knees, sucking on his tip as you look up for guidance.
“yeah, yeah like that. go ahead n’start twisting your hand for me. that’s right… see, kid? don’t need your brother. you got me now.”
꩜⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚
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I rewatched Deadpool 2 and took notes.
Disclaimer: He's mentally ill and does mentally ill things (GASP, who would have thought?). Also, violence. A lot of violence. It's really long. Like.. really really long.
The very first words he says is "fuck wolverine"
Then blows his own head off with a shit ton of gasoline. Wonder if he had insurance on that appartment.
He started taking worldwide cases
He also admits to knowing "8th grade spanish"
"Passion of the christ. Then me." Says the man whos marvel jesus now.
I wonder how much wade owes cab guy.
Cab guy killed bandu Lmao
"What is it?"
"My IUD"
"A bomb??" Tell me why he was lowkey excited for it to be a bomb?
I love how serious he gets talking about how scared he is to be a dad.
This empire joke traveled from the first movie too.
"Pretty sure it doesn't work that way but we can try" yes.
When making toaster strudles its almost as if he could sense them coming despite it being so silent. This kind of makes me think that Logans not the only one who just jumps up sometimes.
This man really just said "Fuck it" jumped out of a 2 story window, BOLTED after this guy as fast as he could, got hit by a car, rammed another car, and whole ass hugged this guy before jumping in front of a truck with him. I don't want to see anyone try to tell me he's one sandwitch drop away from jumping off a cliff.
Cinatography by Blind Al.
Directed by one of those guys that killed john wicks dog.
God I love Ryan Reynolds because you know it was him.
Wade stop peeing your pants in public.
Weasel "We still have bowie..." Yeah id lie to him too at this point.
"Yeah im fine"
Fucked up
Insecure
Needy and
Emotional. Kübler ross apprently.
"Buck no more speaking lines for you" and he meant that shit.
Al is so humble and sweet. Making tea and giggling. Tries to shoot him and then just hears him collapse on the floor. How many times do you think he collapses on the floor a week? Just to be drimatic?
"Sweetheart can you speak up? Its a little hard to hear you with yhat pity dick in your mouth" Oh so shes his mom. Al is his fucking mom. Hands down. And the best one.
I love how he decided to do an entire bag of cocaine before dying. There was no reason for it and honestly was a waste of cocaine until you realize that these cocaine is wades whiskey. Shots dont work for him really, probably because hes already done it so much, but its the same way how Logan chugs that bottle before wade kidnaps him. Its easier to blame it on a substance then accept those were your actions.
Ness is so cute. The poster behind her has "I love you wade wilson" scratched into it. Its nice to know that his version of heaven is literally just a cozy Saturday morning with his wife.
Colossus just walking in to find wades body parts everywhere and put him in a bag like old dirty clothes lol
"Why cant I fucking die" tone was SO serious.
The fact that theres an x men rule book and its lowkey thicker then a bible. I bet you scott and Logan made 80% of those.
"That asshole was me" oh the tears. Baby boyy.
Wait isnt cable literally scotts son.
Im never going to understand this fucking time line jesus christ
Mutant rehabilitation?? What is he a drug addict? That kid is clearly in pain dipshits.
"X men trainee" is so funny
"Please stop cheating on me"
Daniel the pedophile looking ass
Bro casually signs ryan reynolds on the wolverine cereal box and then destroys his knee caps.
"Those guys hurt you??" It was at that moment, wade went ape shit.
Wade having fun in prison is so him. But come on imagine going to prison just for standing up to an abused child. Not to mention, His face when he immediately realizes how fucked he is and that "oh shit I actually DO have cancer now and it SUCKS"
Is it just me or does Cable reminds you of forge with all his cool fix it abilities. Or is he just futurey.
He didn't say were not friends to make him upset but to draw attention to himself. Him just eye rolling when stabbed in the hand was so funny too because he was like "Ouch. God damn it. Ducking OUCH."
Hes literally pleading with russel to find someone else to peotect him or hes gonna get molested because he cant do anything. His entire power is replacing dead cells WITH new cancer cells. His entire body is dying 24/7 but never fast enough to actually kill him, always regrowing way too quickly. Cancerous is better then dead.
"Get away from me kid" yeah cause he knows hes trouble and he REALLY doesn't wanna watch this kid die.
"Who the hell tries to kill a 14 year old boy"
"Kids give us a chance to be better then we used to be"
Dopinder is so wholesome. I love him so much. No i dont care that he killed a guy. Hes the type of friend you call to take to the movies or the zoo once every year and hes stoked just to be invited.
Peter: I just thought it looked fun :D
Dopinder: FUCK
Peter is that one dad whos kids left the nest and now he needs friends and a hobby so searches for the biggest weirdos he can find.
"Grab the boy- NOT INAPPROPRIATELY >:("
i love his crayon maps/plans
Oh my god weasel im not telling you anything ever again you snitch (same dude, cable is terrifying)
After crying over the love he has for his new team (x force) Wade confirms that he spent 10 years in special forces.
I love how supportive wade is with Peter despite him just being a normal dude only for him to immediately die LMAO
He just cassually lets his impulse win in which he steals a moped.
Oh i just noticed Dominos vitiligo. I always loved vitiligo charaters. Theyre so unique and barley ever given movie roles. Like why not?? Why wouldnt you want someone so beautiful? Im pretty sure she just has make up but it would be cool if not.
Something else is that cable just starts yeeting criminals out onto the street lol
"Theres nothing I cant kill" Let me intorduce you to the man whos on a constant road to dying but can never actually get there.
Im assuming cable wants to kill russel because he unleashes a big bad guy or something.
*cassually snaps neck back into place* Oh god that hurt!
Oh I was right! It was Juggernaut :)
Wade: *gets excited about being PHYSICALLY ripped in half*
"Rub my legs mama 🥺 I got growing pains"
"Oh noo! No no no Dp not again!" We love you Dopinder. Do not ever stop caring. "This shits happened before!?" Yes weasel. Sometimes your friends get ripped in half. Get used to it.
Wade just moves her gun to the right position.
Wade talking about saving russel is so serious that it makes you forget that he has a tiny baby ass rn. I couldn't make a deal with someone woth tiny baby legs... just... no. Not to mention that those baby legs are made of cancer.
"50 years from now you're super fucking dead"
Wade standing outside of the xmen mansion with his phone and a picture of a boom box playing music for Colossus to come outside and help him save russel is something i can see happening to Logan. They have a fight and he storms off to the mansion only for wade to stand outside like that.
"Hi Wade🎀✨️" "Hi Yukio!🥹 you guys make a super cute couple 😊 where was I? 🤨"
"So you wear a helmet so your brother cant read your mind?" "Yeaaahh" average kid conversations.
"Lets fuck some shit up is my legal middle name"
Okay sir edgelord.
Apprently wade has a gluten sensitivity
What is it with wade and metal men??? My man has a type.
"Im just gonna use this brick and maximum effort" Same wade. Same.
Yaayy!! Go yukio! Eveyone loves yukio.
"Thats how we do it in mother russia" What? Shoving an electrical cable up their ass and then put them in a pool? Damn. Ok.
That "I never should have never left you in that prison" with the hug? Man hed be a decent dad I think.
"Dont be ive been trying to make this happen for awhile" okay someone supervise him 24/7. Hes on the active watch list.
Wade: *is dying* Hi Yukio :D
Yukio: Hi wade :)
"R-dog" Oh my god hes too cute.
Them carrying the racist joke all the way til the end made me cringe but that was the point.
His last words being "do you wanna build a snow man?" Is such a deadpool thing.
I was NOT expecting to cry at the end of this stupid ass movie, AGAIN
"Dont fuck colossus" VANESSA KNEW
THE FUCKING COIN
"Is there a knife in my dick?" "There's a knife in your dick."
Oh I just didn't even notice she has heterochromancia! <3 Aahh!!
PFFT DOPINDERS SECOND CONFIRMED KILL
"WERE DEFINITELY NAMINF OUR KID CHER"
"Dont scratch!" *shoots himself 8 times* "Love you! Bye."
Wolverine: ???
#wade wilson#deadpool 2#deadpool#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#the wolverine#colossus#dopinder#negasonic teenage warhead#yukio deadpool#domino deadpool#peter deadpool#cable#literally all of the x men#ryan renolds#fire fist#marvel mcu#charater analysis#movie notes#vanessa carlysle
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PICK A PILE🤍
CALL OUT EDITION
Pile 1 is beach, pile 2 is garden, pile 3 is swans. Take the reading with a grain of salt and only take what resonates 🤍
If you liked the reading, lmk! & Follow for more
Hello pile 1👋🏻
Or should I say hello my mama bears
lol anyways let's begin!!!
The cards that you got: 2 of swords, ace of coins, the emperor and the ace of cups.
Okie so The 2 of swords really sums it up for y'all, the others cards just confirm it more. like you guys are torn between 2 options/paths/things/ whatever. Making a decision is important because It seems like this has been on your mind for some time and is bugging you ? Taking up all your mental energy/stamina. *like a vampire/jk* most of y'all already know which path you want to choose but for some reason you haven't locked in your answers is what I am feeling. And now it's time to make a decision! It might be that you are afraid for some reason, you have this fear of what if things go wrong or something like that or it might be that you are unable to make a decision because both options seem equally tempting.
I think you can choose any path because they will have decent results. The advice or call-out message is that whatever you chose to do for your situation, stick with it. Its not about the options it's about you! The reason why I called you guys mama bear is because that is how you should deal with your current situation. Chose whichever path you want, fight or flight. But stick with it! Know that what you did was absolutely okay!! You have to embody the emperor's energy (of being bold and authoritative, because it is your life, do not fall for anything that doesn't feel right )
The ace of cups tells me that you guys should make a decision using your heart ( feelings & intuition) because afterall you know what's best for you! follow your intuition/gut feeling, don't be afraid of anything YOU ARE THE EMPEROR & YOU'VE GOT IT !
Keywords: stability, bravery & action. Facing fears/oppositions, gut feeling
Ig thats it, lmk how I did and only take what resonates 🤍 have a good day/evening/night
Hello pile 2 👋🏻
Cards you got: 3 of cups, death, 2 of cups & 9 of cups
I'm getting the word "love potion" for guys, I mean we do have alot of cups *the 2,3 and nine of cups* woah! That's alot of emotions. I'm also getting the word "self acceptance" all the cards are so positive but it doesn't feel that good? Something feels heavy? And a Lil stressful yk? I think the message for you guys is opening up yourself.
Y'all might have the habit of guarding yourself, but many times sometimes you just end up over doing it, leaving you feeling sad? Y'all feel that you are different from others in a sad way and that you have to put up this "fake" self to fit in. You try to be like others / everybody around you in public and this needs to change, atleast your mindset that people won't accept you for who you are. Change is needed! Stop blaming it on other exteranl reasons. Do you even know who you actually are? Do you accept yourself? Do you love/care about yourself? Do you prioritise your needs first? Its not always others, sometimes it's our fault that we let people treat us like that! The two of cups imagery is giving me mirror energy, it looks like there's a mirror between the two peeps and they are actually the same person but also different at the same time like it's just their "other side" yk? How you view yourself, and how you let yourself be you truly. Love your inner child. Death talks about how you need to embrace all your different sides and be yourself, be unique & don't try very hard just to "fit in"
The nine of cups is here for advice and it talks about prioritising your needs first & putting yourself on the pedestal! Whether it be in romantic relationships or platonic or any relationship
Call-out message: DONT BE AFRAID TO BE YOURSELF let yourself be! Accept love, prioritise your emotional needs first!!!
Ig thats it, lmk how I did and only take what resonates 🤍 have a good day/evening/night
Hello pile 3 👋🏻
Cards you got: the strength, justice, devil & the star.
Surprisingly all major arcanas😭I really wanna know what's going on with y'all. Like what MAJOR shit is going on lmao
Anyways here's my interpretation for you guys: you guys are working hard towards some goals of yours. I'm getting the vibes that the world told you what you think or thought once upon time is unrealistic and unachieveable but to you it feels like "inner- calling". you have started working towards it and might have achieved/ overcome certain milestones and mini achievements that you should be proud about and if not then you should know that they hard work that you have put in WILL workout and you will gain the fruits for you dedication. One thing you should possibly avoid is arrogance and / or greed attachments will be different for everybody, basically avoid the temptations of the devil. Don't believe you're at the top of the world and for some it's not getting overly obsessed with results,etc. Everything will workout at the right time. The justice card over here is likely talking about getting your results. Call-out message for y'all could be to choose the path of hard work & patience instead of shortcuts and unfair means. The star card is asking you to stay optimistic regarding your work to know that it will all be worth it, you will get your answers and result just keep working hard and have pure intentions
So yeah basically, just on the right track, keeping working hard, don't fall for temptations like shortcuts, procrastination, unfair means,etc be patient and you will be good to go
Ig thats it, lmk how I did and only take what resonates 🤍 have a good day/evening/night
#pick a picture#pick a pile#pick a card#pac#tarot#free tarot reading#divineguidance#divination#daily tarot#tarot reading#free tarot#tarot community#tarot blog#tarot journal#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#tarotdaily#intuitive#intuition#tarotoftheday#tarotonline#psychic readers#psychic readings#tarot guidance#love reading#spirituality#pac tarot#tarot pick a card#tarot pac#tarot pick a pile
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Alright, I'm going to write my own thoughts down on the situation, sorry if this gets rambly
First of all, Shubble is so brave for speaking up, it's really hard for victims to speak up against there abusers in a public setting and she deserves all the respect in the world for it
That being said we do need to be mindful to give her space, this was a really traumatic thing for her and we all need to be mindful of that, give her room to breath.
On the same lines, don't go after other ccs for not ""releasing statements"", content creators aren't companies, there people. Don't get on at them for not publicly supporting Shubble, especially since there undoubtedly doing it in private, which is probably better than shoving it out there for millions of people to see. Let people support there friend in a way they and shubble are confortable with, if shubble wants them to say something or they think they need to say something themselves, they will say it.
It's like Pearl said, just because you don't see something happening publicly doesn't mean it isn't happening
Also, don't jump to call Tommy or Phil or Grian or anyone else enablers because they haven't said anything, they'll need time to process this too, it's hard to find out that your friend is a domestic abuser, let them process this in piece and don't try to cancel them over nothing like a fool. (People like Tommy will need time especially since Wilbur befriended them when they were young and by all accounts manipulated them too)
If anyone of these people have anything they feel they need to say they'll say it when there good and ready, good life tip folks:Don't Harass People. Especially if they have almost nothing to do with this (honestly Saw someone say they were going to go on to fucking RT about this despite him not knowing either person very well, the fuck)
I know why people do it, they want to make sure there favourite content creators aren't also bad, but they are people and they deserve respect, I can garentee you that almost no Qsmp or Hermitcraft or Other MCYT member who knew him stands with Wilbur
(Also if anyone brings Techno into this fuck right off let the man rest.)
Also, some brain dead morons are saying that people calling out wilbur are doing it for clout and that they should have done it sooner, but most of the abuse happened in private, and wilbur manipulated others, many wouldn't have realised anything was wrong and if they did its still better and more respectful to come forward after shubble since its HER story to tell.
(This attack also doesn't work anymore because we have things like tubbos stream, where he actively discourages his chat from treating him like a hero for speaking out, but yeah sure they all don't give a shit about shubble and just want to make themselves look better, fuck outta here)
Now, if your a former wilbur fan, let me make this super clear
DONT WATCH HIM AND DONT LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC
"BuT SePuRaTe ThE ArT FrOm ThE Arti-
Nah. That doesn't work here. You can separate a book or game or movie, you can't with a cc. Its there face, there voice, there personality. Find a different band, find a different CC to watch. There are other options, I know it sucks to find out someone you like did an awful thing,but that doesn't mean we should support those people for our sakes, especially when people were actively hurt by there actions. Trust me everyone, this will get better, things will go back to how they were before
Finally, this should go without saying, Fuck William Gold to the core of teh fucking earth. And any who still support him.
He is a raging egotistical manipulator and abuser. don't blame people for not seeing it sooner, no one can do that. What we can do though is blame people who still wholeheartedly support him and his actions.
He has not "changed" nor will he ever at the rate at which he's going. He's still a egomaniac who's more concerned with saving his image than actually apologising for his actions, even then an apology wouldn't fix all he's done,it would just be closer and a jumping off point to be better, but he can't even fucking do that.
If wilbur does reflect and grow, good on him, but if he doesn't then I can say with absolute certainty we wouldn't fucking miss him.
Fuck Wilbur. Support Shelbym
#wilbur soot#fuck wilbur soot#shubble#shelby grace#support shubble#believe victims#believe Shubble#im probably gonna disappear for the rest of the day#possibly tomorrow two#again shubble is so brave and im glad she spoke up#also sorry for the swearing im just mad#tw: abuse#tw: swearing
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PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER (PT. 2)
PAIRING kevin moon x f!reader
WORD COUNT 5.60k
GENRES angst ﹒little bit of fluff ﹒little bit of smut
WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, reader is better than me cause i would not let kevin do all the shit he’s done 😭, ANYWAY i digress, this part is very reader-centric — whereas part one is very kevin-centric, inner turmoil goes absolutely crazy, most of this fic is reader putting kevin in his place and him realizing how big of an asshole he truly is, mentions of injury (past tense), mentions of insecurity, lots of arguing, reader cries at one point or another, the smut places a very minimal role in this, but unprotected sex, public sex (the auditorium dressing room), no foreplay but wtv we fall like soldiers in battle, pussy job lowkey (high key…), creampie, lmk if i missed anything!
SUMMARY it wasn’t like you and kevin hated each other. in fact, you quite admired him despite his somewhat indifferent attitude toward you. well, now that you’re paired up for the last dance of the year, you guess it’s the perfect time to find out why.
MORE oh my god. it’s finally fucking here. A MONTH, 2 SICKNESSES AND MANY MANY STRESSFUL NIGHTS LATER— part two of princess and the pauper is here!!! i’m so sorry to those of u who have been itching and waiting on me to get ‘er done,,, it’s been an ordeal to say the least, and while it’s nearing the two month mark since the black out or back out collab was announced, SHE FINALLY FINISHED!!! for once i saw something through omg i can sleep peacefully and work on my other wips without guilt now… 😭 ALSO THANK U SO MUCH MAYA @/kimsohn FOR PUSHING ME THROUGH THIS and for making me thug it out bc without u it definitely would’ve taken much longer to finish 💔 please dont forget to read part one and the other fics in the series if u haven’t!! both are linked below! and as always, pls reblog if u enjoyed <3
PART ONE | SERIES MASTERLIST
PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble @zzoguri @deoboyznet @cloverdaisies @vernyangel @ericlvr @sunwooverse @kimsohn
TAGLIST @millksea @deobibbang @deobi0412
Never in your life have you felt so… Confused.
It wasn’t just confusion that settled deep in the pit of your stomach. There was a sharp pain there too, like someone stabbed you and twisted the knife. That was probably the best way to describe what you were feeling. You were bleeding out, and no one was coming to save you.
Kevin wasn’t answering your calls. He wasn’t answering your texts. He ran out of the lecture hall as soon as class was over, never giving you a moment to speak to him. It was making you nervous.
You still had half of a dance to choreograph and a fuck ton of pressure riding on your back. After the last performance you and him did together, you’d have a lot of eyes on you. It most definitely wasn’t your fault that he dropped you. How many people willingly want to acquire a broken ankle? The crutches were a bitch to maneuver around with. But like every single thing that’s happened in the three years you’ve known Kevin Moon, he’s managed to place the blame on you like it was.
It was crucial that you make amends with him even if it was momentarily. Your final grades were dependent on your performance. If he couldn’t get his shit together for at least that, he was a lost cause in your mind. Not even your professor would be able to refute that fact. Actually, nobody would be able to refute that fact.
Your lips form an O as you blow the steam away from your coffee, pulling out your phone to try Kevin’s phone once again. The line rings a few times before going straight to voicemail like it has the past couple weeks. You kiss your teeth, tying your sweater around your waist as you slump in your chair. The baristas at the campus cafe were probably sick of seeing you sitting in the same high-top counter spot since the incident with Kevin in the studio.
“Y/N?”
Ji Changmin appears beside you and you click your phone off, so he wouldn’t see his friend’s contact on the screen. You give the Early Childhood Dev major a weak smile.
“Changmin! What’s up? How are you and your girlfriend?” You hope he can’t recognize the distress written all over your features. You highly doubt it, though. You can feel the wrinkles pulling at your skin.
“We’re good! How’s the showcase performance going with Kev?” He asks like he knows something you don’t. When your lips fall to a thin line, an all too familiar grimace, he sighs a knowing sigh. “Do I have to smack some sense into him?”
“Not gonna lie, yeah, you do. He’s being really fucking difficult and like half of our dance is unfinished. I can’t even get a hold of him, so I’m starting to lose my patience.” You express your annoyance. The border between complacency and free-will was a lot slimmer than one might think. For example; your feelings when it comes to Kevin Moon.
You don’t expect to get a returning call later that night when you’re washing dishes after dinner.
In fact, you don’t even hear it at first, too absorbed in scrubbing the staining out of your bowl. It’s when your roommate yells out to you, that you snap out of your reverie, albeit dazedly. You dry your hands on a nearby tea towel, hitting the green answer button without a second glance at the caller ID.
“Hello?”
“Are you free tomorrow?”
Your heart catches in your throat. You recognize the owner of the voice practically by the first breath into the receiver alone. It’s actually kind of unhealthy how quickly it took to realize who was on the other end. You swallow heavily, praying he doesn’t hear the gulp.
“In the latter part of the afternoon, I believe. Why?” You try not to sound hopeful. That’s one thing you’ve learned being in the same vicinity as Kevin Moon. You could never be too expecting, because it would only lead to disappointment. And you’d dealt with enough of that the past few years.
“We need to finish this fuck ass choreography,” he grunts, and it takes everything in you to bite your tongue. “I’ll meet you in the same studio at 4.”
He doesn’t let you get anything else in, hanging up swiftly. You deflate as you set your phone back on the counter. All you had to do was push through these next couple weeks, like you always have when it came to him.
That should be a piece of cake, right?
Wrong.
“No, that looks stupid.”
You grit your teeth, swiping the back of your hand on your forehead. You’d been inside of this studio maybe 30 minutes tops, and you were on the verge of strangling Kevin. With as long as you’d been putting up with his shit, you thought getting through this wouldn’t be as rough as it’s been. But if there was one thing Kevin Moon had, it was pride.
“We don’t have time for you to nitpick right now. Let’s just finish the choreography and clean it after.” Your hands rest on your hips, nostrils flaring.
“If we clean as we go, we’ll have more time to drill it into our systems and get down muscle memory. It’ll be a stronger performance.” He argues. You roll your eyes as you turn away from him, taking a water break to calm yourself. “Why do you have so much fucking attitude today? You were the one preaching to the choir about me making things difficult. It seems the tables have turned.”
Usually, you were pretty good at keeping your frustration at bay when it came to Kevin’s remarks. You liked to think it was because you were down bad for the guy, despite him always wanting nothing to do with you. But as of late, (Read: Since your performance of Princess and the Pauper) every little comment he’s made has managed to crawl under your skin like a damn parasite. You were beginning to get real sick of it.
“God, you’re so—“ You interrupt yourself to groan, fingers curling into fists. “You’re fucking insufferable. Do you know that? I’ve been bending over backwards to ensure we aren’t kicked out of the goddamn program and you don’t even fucking care. Over what? A kiss that you initiated?”
Kevin is stunned into silence, not at all prepared for you to blow up on him like that. After all, that razor thin line between complacency and free-will had yet to be crossed. And well, it appears that you just crossed it. You whip around toward him, pulling down the collar of your t-shirt to reveal the faintest of bruises that still remains from your impromptu act of intimacy.
“I’ve had to look at this every day for a week and all it’s done is make me feel shitty, ashamed of something I didn’t even start. Now I need you to stop acting like an ass and get it together so we can finish this and perform the best dance this university has ever seen.” Your chest is heaving up and down, similarly to when you made out against the mirrors last week. Except this time isn’t out of breathlessness, but rather anger and exhaustion.
Kevin’s eyes don’t leave the hickey on the base of your throat, something undetectable swimming in them as he stares. You can’t read the emotions swirling rampantly in his irises, a mixture of too many blurring into one another. Honestly, it’s funny. It’s funny that it’s taken you this long to get him to shut his mouth for once.
So you laugh.
It’s a snort at first, an off handed projection of how comical the situation has become to you. But then it metamorphoses into a small giggle, which leads to full scale laughter that has you hunching over your knees and wiping away tears. This whole thing is stupid. Absolutely fucking stupid.
“What are you laughing at?” His eyebrow raises in question, broken from his weird trance.
“I just can’t believe it took three years for me to shut you up,” you shake your head slowly, rubbing your eye with the heel of your palm. “You’re always the one who can’t stop talking.”
Kevin deadpans, mouth pulled pin-straight as his expression drops. “You’re so unserious.”
As the height of your laughter reaches a valley, you collapse onto the ground, resting your back against the mirror. You take another long sip of water before sighing. “Look, I know this isn’t ideal. Trust me, I know. But, we’ve gotta set aside our differences just this once. Please, for the sake of the department.”
“Fine,” he murmurs, plopping down beside you to stretch his back. “Let’s finish choreographing so we can start cleaning it up.”
It’s a victory in your book, and probably the most obedient the Pisces has ever been. Maybe this wouldn’t end in complete disaster like you assumed it would. It turns out Kevin Moon wasn’t entirely brainless and knew when he was wrong. Sometimes. Maybe. We’ll see.
You shut your eyes and visualize what you’ve choreographed so far, going over the moves in your head to see if the rest will come to you like a prophecy. It’s wishful thinking, but with how much you’ve accomplished since setting foot in the studio, you’re willing to try anything. The track would be nice for elements of hip hop style choreography, but you knew the audience wouldn’t eat it up as much as they would the route you’re currently taking.
Driver roll up the partition, please��
The song plays through the speakers and you watch as Kevin stands to run through everything you have. You’re entranced by his movements, the flow of his body on certain points. It’ll look ten times better once you’re doing it with him, costumed and performing it perfectly in front of a crowd. You can picture it now, the gentle but controlled glide of his hands along your arms when Beyoncé sings “We ain’t even gonna make it to this club”. He was right. You very well might be seduced by your enemy.
“Should we use props?” You suddenly voice, eyes narrowed in thought. He hums.
“That’s… not a half-bad idea, actually,” his tongue darts out to wet his lips. “What did you have in mind?”
“A chair, maybe,” you look away from him, placing your focus on the way your toes alternate between a tendu and relaxed position. “That could take up a good chunk of the choreo.”
Kevin stalks over to the supply closet in the corner of the studio, pulling out a folding chair. He puts it in the center of the room gently, careful to not scratch up the wooden, lacquered flooring. You spend the next couple of hours brainstorming through numerous versions of the dance. While it was a lot easier than your past practices, there were still the occasional argument over which movements looked good and whatnot.
At a certain point, everything becomes cohesive and the end is near. You gulp down some water as Kevin does some random choreography. It’s then that it comes to you, like a vision from That’s So Raven. You practically drop your water bottle, scrambling to your feet and stopping him. Your breath is heavy from fatigue and you’re slightly afraid of even suggesting this, but it’s exactly what this dance needs. It’s exactly what everyone wants to see from the two of you.
He pauses the music and gestures for you to get on with it. You push down the lump in your throat, scared of rejection. But maybe he was smart and he would agree that this is what you have to do. “What if we did a lift?”
You see the hesitation swirling in his eyes and you raise a finger before he can shut you down entirely. “Nothing crazy like… um— you know— Princess and the Pauper, but something smaller. Something… sexy? Like, Dancing with the Stars type beat.”
When he shrugs instead of outright dismissing your idea, you know you’ve won. He nods slowly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. “Okay, sure. But we better clean up everything else fast so we can perfect the lift.”
The two of you take another three hours running the entirety of the choreography, ingraining the moves into your brains and muscles. You still had a bit until the actual showcase, but your priority now lies with the lift. If you nailed it, the entire department would very well grovel after you in reparation for all of the slack you got after Kevin dropped you. Hell, the entire university would kiss your feet. This was your redemption. In more ways than one.
You both decide to call it a day at around 9:30 PM. Your hands reach for your belongings and then you halt yourself, a thought coming to mind. While you had him in this weird state of obedience, you figured it was as good a time as any to ask the question that’s been weighing on you for the past few years. Your fingers swipe away the sweat beading around your hairline.
”Kevin,” you start, voice a lot softer than before. “Why do you— what did I do to make you dislike me so much?”
He’s caught completely off guard, eyes widening in surprise. If he was anticipating you to say anything else prior to parting ways tonight, he didn’t think this would be it. He’s actually a little off put that you hadn’t asked him this already in the span of your definitely-one-sided rivalry. He takes a large gulp of water.
”I’d call it indifference, not dislike,” he corrects after a pregnant silence. “It’s really fucking stupid thinking about it in hindsight. I don’t know if you remember this time, way back in our first year, we ran into each other at the campus cafe— literally, might I add— and you spilled your coffee all over this white shirt of mine that Changmin had gotten for me as a birthday gift. I only recently found out that it wasn’t as expensive as he made it out to be.”
You blink at his admission, processing his words as thoroughly as possible. You don’t know what you wanted him to say. You weren’t even sure if there was a concrete reason for him to be so fucking mean to you all this time. And now that you know, you come to the conclusion that Kevin Moon isn’t as smart as you’ve painted him out to be in your head. He’s actually a gigantic idiot. Because who in their right mind goes through these lengths to form a distance between the only other person on par with their talent?
Before you can stop yourself, you’re bursting into another fit of laughter. Kevin falters at your reaction. He was waiting for you to blow up on him, to scream in his face for causing you so much pain and unnecessary drama over something so silly. So when you do none of that, when you start fucking laughing like a damn hyena, he feels dumb. Like his entire college career has been built off of nothing.
”This is so—“ you pause to gather your bearings, wiping away the tears that managed to escape. “We’ve spent so much time going back and forth over some spilled coffee? Surely you’ve realized how insane that is at some point.”
”It took a lengthy argument with Changmin, but yeah, I did,” he nods, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”
You worry your lower lip between your teeth, finally getting your things together. The two of you bid each other an awkward goodbye. Neither of you knew what to make of your relationship now that things had been partially sorted through. There was a fuck ton of baggage that still had to be sifted, but at least you had an answer.
That was enough to push through this showcase performance. You think.
You’re nervous.
Never in your entire life have you ever been this nervous for a performance.
You grew up doing musical theatre and dancing, it’s always been the one constant presence you could rely on. But standing here, backstage at the showcase, you think you’re going to throw up. Your palms are clamming up uncontrollably and your chest feels unbearably heavy as you watch the quartet doing a contemporary piece to some ballad you couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of. There were still a couple groups before you.
Not even when you had to perform fuckass Princess and the Pauper were you this anxious. You wince, trying to stop the incessant bouncing of your leg. Your weight keeps shifting from one hip to the other. As a seasoned veteran, you don’t know why you feel this way. Maybe it had to do with all the pressure riding on this very dance. Every single eye in that crowd was going to scrutinize your every move on that stage.
“Calm down,” a voice whispers harshly from beside you. “You’re making me nervous.”
Kevin wraps his fingers around your wrist, stopping the annoying tap-tap-tap your own were doing against your thigh. He gives you a look, and you sigh. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
That’s a lie. Not only was the high expectations from the entire school getting to you, but so was the fear of history repeating itself. He knows this, it was inevitable. After what happened the last time he was tasked with lifting you, it was only natural.
”We’ve drilled this dance hundreds, if not thousands, of times, Y/N. We’ll do just fine.” Kevin assures you.
His hand feels foreign holding yours, like it was illegal for his skin to be touching your own. You feel your lower lip quiver, a sense of trepidation that you’ve never once felt creeping down your spine. Your mind was spiraling, and quite honestly, Kevin being so close was making it worse. All you could think about was him dropping you again, leaving you in the middle of the stage with a broken leg and a broken heart. You release a shaky breath and he turns to face you.
Your eyes widen and he searches your face for any disingenuity. When he finds his answer, he brings the hand that was holding yours up to cup your cheek. He’s cautious, afraid he might break you like he always does. He waits for you to shove him away and to yell at him for being a fucking coward.
You don’t. You stay still, hoping he follows through with what you think he’s about to do. And then he does.
It’s such a featherlight peck of his lips on your own, you almost don’t even register. But sparks shoot from the source all the way to the tips of your fingers. You feel as if you were dealt a static shock of electricity, your whole body buzzing from the small kiss alone.
He pulls away just in time for the stage manager to inform you that you’re next. Kevin rolls his neck jogging over to the wings to patiently await your performance like he hadn’t just kissed you a moment ago. You blink dumbly, two fingers coming up to touch where his lips had been. Sure the nerves were gone now, but the sensation of butterflies swarming about in your stomach easily replaced that. What the fuck was his problem?
“Our last performance is one I’m sure all of you have been waiting for. Kevin Moon and Y/N L/N with Partition!”
Before you know it, you and Kevin are in position, your body squared upstage and his to the crowd. Your eyes are closed, but you can feel his arm wrapped around your waist and his steady breathing on your nose. The spotlight switches on, the heat of the lighting warm against the side of your face. It’s silent in the auditorium, but it rings in your ears. You could do this.
Let me hear you say ‘Hey Miss Carter’…
You move on reflex, muscle memory kicking in instantaneously. Each circle of your hips, every turn you make— a fouetté here, a pirouette there, a couple coupes, each roll of your body. But what really gets you is the long brushes of Kevin’s skin on your own. You’d practiced with distance between the two of you. There was a tension that had been there for years. Now it’s all coming to a rolling boil, a new uncharted tension that every single member in that audience could see.
And then comes the lift.
You, along with everybody in the auditorium, practically hold your breath when Kevin’s hands grip your hips. He raises you above him with all of his strength, completely focused on you and only you. You shut your eyes and feel the moment, like, really feel it. Your body is relaxed, the Dirty Dancing-esque lift bringing the whole performance together just like you knew it would. The only difference from the movie and real life is the fact that you’re flipped, your backside to Kevin and your chest to the ceiling.
Your eyes flutter open, the spotlight all but blinding you, and you finally feel content. Like everything has fallen into the right place for once in your life. Especially so when Kevin sets you down gently and you finish your dance with the utmost confidence.
The crowd erupts into a roaring chorus of applause, going as far as giving you a standing ovation. Holy shit. You pulled it off. You actually managed to pull it off.
Your face feels like it might split from how big your smile is. You and Kevin bow, walking off stage. You’re entirely too happy right now, a newfound energy overtaking you as you trail behind him.
“We did it!” You cheer as you follow him towards the dressing room where your things are. You’re the only ones left backstage, everyone else filtering out between performances. Kevin doesn’t give you much of a response, just a small nod of acknowledgment. Your smile falters. “What the hell is your problem?”
”Nothing, Y/N, fuck. Can you just mind your own fucking business?” He snaps, turning around to glare at you just as the door slams behind you. You instinctively flinch at both loud noises. His features soften but you take a step back from him.
You aren’t sure why you’re surprised. This isn’t anything new. Kevin has always made it crystal clear that he wasn’t your number one fan. Being neutral for your performance wasn’t enough to repair all the holes in whatever your relationship was, and you should’ve known better. You shouldn’t have let your guard down so easily. You should’ve expected this. Old dogs can never learn new tricks.
But Kevin’s scared. He’s afraid of letting you in after all the mess he’s put you through. The only thing he’s good at doing is hurting you, over and over like there was a prize that came out of it.
”Look…”
”No, you listen to me,” you swallow heavily, tears already tight lining your eyes. “Kevin, I have taken so much shit from you. Over these past few years I have just sat there and let you unload all your fucked up insecurities onto me. Have you ever wondered why? Have you ever thought to stop and think about why I let you be so mean to me without even questioning it?”
He says nothing, just stares with his lips parted. They open and close like a fish out of water, words there at the tip of his tongue but refusing to make their escape. And then one of your tears rolls down your cheeks and he’s directly in front you, his heart on his sleeve for the first time since you’ve met him.
”Why?” The simple question is so quiet, you almost don’t hear him. But his eyes hold so much hurt, so much anguish that you’ve never seen in a person before.
“I’ve had feelings for you for so long, it’s actually starting to ache. You’ve only ever seen me as this thing, this obstacle. And I’m afraid that that’s all I’ll ever be to you, because you won’t let me be anything else. You won’t—“
”That’s not true, Y/N,” Kevin sighs, looking off to the side, away from you. “I just— it’s complicated. It’s more than just being rivals.”
”So help me understand,” you frown. “Let me in, please.”
”My entire life I’ve had to work to get to where I am. I’ve fought tooth and nail to be as good of a performer as I am today. There were so many hoops I had to go through to even get into this program and— and I thought I’d finally become the best I could be. I thought that there was no way anyone could ever be better than me. And then you showed up. You and your pretty smile and your natural ability to be the best at everything you do. It was like you were the real life manifestation of all of my critics, of every challenge I faced to get here. Where I had to practice day and night to perfect something, it just came to you like second nature. During Princess and the Pauper, when I dropped you, it truly was an accident. But we’d spent so much time nailing it, that it— I just made myself feel better by saying it was your fault. ‘How could it have been my fault if I perfected it?’ I was jealous and petty and it was just easier to blame hating— to blame my indifference on you spilling coffee on my stupid shirt. For that, I’m sorry.”
You don’t know what you were waiting to hear, but it wasn’t that. Your tears turn into full on blubbering, because what the fuck? That’s so much burden for someone to carry on their shoulders for three years.
“Why are you— why are you crying?” He flounders, reaching up to swipe away your tears.
“I wish I knew… I wish I could’ve helped you somehow,” you sniffle. “Kev, I’ve always admired you and your work ethic. I hoped one day I’d be half as disciplined as you, half as determined.”
He blinks. You’re both dumb, aren’t you? Too focused on the wrong things. You both could’ve been a lot less hateful, a lot less miserable, had you just spoken your differences out. This entire rivalry has been completely one sided, but also built off of plain stupidity and ignorance. He supposes it’s not too late to make amends if you aren’t running in the opposite direction despite everything he’s put you through.
Kevin leans forward, hand still pressed to your cheek, and connects your lips softly. He’s testing the waters, making sure you’re comfortable before he continues anything. When you don’t back away just yet, he adds more force, deepening the kiss like a man starved. You whine against his lips.
This is what you’ve been wanting from him. More than what he gave you before your performance, but not what happened in the studio a few weeks ago. This desperation isn’t abashed lust, it’s unbridled affection— it’s everything he’s holed inside of himself for years, unwilling to let it see the light of day until now. If you were to label anything as perfection, it wouldn’t be a dance or a moment on stage, it would be this. Just you and Kevin finally bringing yourselves together in the most intimately emotional union.
He pulls you closer to him, hands sliding down to grasp at your waist, bunching up the thin fabric of your leotard. You can’t help but bury your fingers in his hair, tugging when he nips at your lower lip. A gasp permeates the air when his mouth travels south, along your jaw and down the side of your neck. He bites and sucks the tender skin at the base of your throat, ensuring he leaves his mark on you. This time isn’t careless, this time he has purpose. He wants everybody to know that you’re his, that you’re the only person insane enough to put up with him.
Your breathing is shaky when you reach behind you to lock the dressing room, dragging him over to the long vanity adjacent to you. He slots between your legs when you hoist yourself onto the surface. He pecks your lips and pauses his movements, rubbing up and down your thighs. In the dim, yellow lighting of the room, you look so gorgeous. He’s always thought you were beautiful, the most stunning thing he’s ever laid his eyes on, but he’s repressed it for so long. He wants to take his time staring at what he’s avoided.
”You’re so pretty,” he says quietly, kissing you again and again and again. “I don’t think I can last long with you.”
“Can we skip the foreplay?” You ask, bottom lip jutted into a pout. “Need you to just fuck me like you mean it.”
Kevin’s forehead falls to your shoulder with a groan. “I don’t deserve you,” God, he’s such an idiot for holding out from this. You should’ve been given the world and so much more. He has a lot of lost time to make up for. He kisses your shoulder with a sigh. “Yeah, baby, I can do that.”
You don’t waste another second, slipping your arms through the sleeves of your leotard. He has to bite down on his tongue when he sees that you’re braless, fingers going slack as they unbutton the rest of his silk shirt. You shimmy out of the one piece, left in nothing but the fishnet stockings you wore underneath and your lacy panties. Kevin thinks he must’ve done at least something right in a past life to experience this.
Your eyes sparkle as you look up at him, undoing his slacks and kicking them down his legs with your feet. Something takes over him when he rips a bigger hole in your stockings, pushing your underwear to the side. His thumb glides through your folds with ease, your slick providing enough lubricant. He pushes your lower lips apart while you busy yourself shoving his underwear to his ankles.
His cock slips inside of you with less friction than he would’ve thought, but he doesn’t complain, screwing his eyes shut as he acclimates to the feeling of your walls surrounding him. You moan, such a soft sound that he nearly loses his balance.
“You feel so good, baby,” he coos, digging his fingers into your hips as he rocks his own. “You’re so so perfect.”
The praise is too much for you, given the circumstances. Your brain is already cloudy, stuffed with what could only be described as cotton. You watch with half lidded eyes as he begins to piston into you at a faster speed. This all feels like a fever dream, something that was only possible in your craziest fantasies. Even then, it seemed unlikely.
“‘M close, Kev,” you whine, unable to stay still and attempting to match his thrusts.
“Already? We’ve only just started, gorgeous.” He laughs, but it’s breathy, strained from the exertion of his body. You hardly have the strength in you to be embarrassed about it, especially since he’s seen you in much worse situations.
You nod frantically, snaking a hand between you to circle your clit with nimble fingers. Kevin halts you and pulls out momentarily, sliding his cock between your folds like it was your hand. The tip catches your sensitive bundle of nerves repeatedly, making you dizzier than you already were.
He presses back into you with ease, resuming his sloppy but animalistic pace. He uses his thumb to continue your handywork, your cunt fluttering around him needily. You’re both losing your sanity quickly, both going batshit insane over the bare minimum. You’ve just needed this for so long, yearned for this moment for a humiliating amount of time.
Your moans start to rise in pitch and he groans. “Fuck, baby, you can cum for me.”
He could cry, he thinks, when your back arches and your legs shake with your orgasm. It hits you like a freight train, triggering his own release just as fast.
You stay like that for a bit, regaining yourselves and comprehending everything that’s just happened. So much for the whole hating each other narrative.
“What does this mean for us?” You suddenly ask, arms hooked around Kevin’s neck. You’re still connected by your lower halves, but he makes no effort to pull away. Part of you likes it that way, it gives you hope that this isn’t a one time affair.
“It’ll be hard for things to change overnight,” he says, massaging your sides. “We have a lot of unresolved issues and insecurities that we still have to push past. But I’m willing to do that with you. I want to take a chance on us.”
Your lips pull into a smile, an expression you don’t think you’ve worn around him genuinely in the years you’ve known him. “I do, too.”
“It’s kind of ironic that it was a performance that tore us apart and brought us back together, don’t you think?” He laughs.
“And we fucked in the dressing room…” You add, glancing to the top corner where a security camera is stationed.
“Maybe we should get out of here before someone checks the footage,” he suggests. “Tau Beta Zeta is conveniently hosting our end of semester party tonight, do you wanna be my plus one?”
“I would be honored.” You grin, pecking his lips tenderly.
Perhaps happy endings existed after all.
© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.
#deoboyznet#the boyz#the boyz x reader#the boyz smut#tbz#tbz x reader#tbz smut#the boyz kevin#tbz kevin#kevin moon x reader#kevin moon smut#kevin x reader#kevin smut#moon hyungseo#blackoutorbackout🍻#juyeonszn
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can you write idv aesop x reader nsfw please
ofc! no problem!
~Aesop Carl x Reader NSFT HC's~
First, Consent. You both need to have a talk about consent and what you both feel comfortable doing with him, he is traumatized and has a lot of things he wouldn't allow anyone to touch, including you, his S/O.
When you two have your first time, i think he would give every single bodypart of your's attention, the same amount aswell knowing how on-spot he likes to be.
Following this ^ headcanon, he would keep a close eye on your reactions whenever he does a certain thing. For example, hitting a spot inside you and trying to see if you like it or you dont like it.
He would treat you like a porcelain doll, touching you with such care he didn't know he could touch something(/one) than the corpses he puts makeup on.
He won't go harsh/hard/fast even if scream for him to do, he thinks that sex is a very intimate thing in a relationship, a very serious thing that conveys how passionate you both are about eachother, you two are showing how much you both love eachother during sex.
He won't be too experimental in my opinion. He would (with hard explaining and talking to actually get him to) try bondage, like tying your hands back while sex. But i think, he wouldn't be comfortable and wouldn't like to have sex in public/semi-public areas. The intimate times are only for the bedroom and the bedroom only.
Threesome's and sex where there's another participant is off the table. He does not want to share you. You are for his and his eyes only.
He's possesive, even if he denies it, he is. Jealousy sex is on the table. He maybe even pick up his normal pace at times like those.
He very rarely jerks off. He never did and he only does when he's in a very close situation, for example you aren't there and he randomly gets hit with the hormones.
Aftercare is absolute HEAVEN. He is a clean freak so he will clean you, and even your bed if it get's messy (He prefers cumming inside you if you allow it, he despises if something get's stained but he wouldn't blame anyone for it.)
#aesop carl#aesop carl x reader#identity v aesop#aesop x reader#idv smut#idv headcanons#idv x reader#idv dating hcs#idv aesop#idv aesop carl#idv aesop carl x reader#idv aesop carl headcanons#Finn writes☆
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adam katz has done way too much shit and y'all just let it slide we all know about the ableism in the show and the fact he blocked who dared criticize him, but let's talk about the blatant ZIONISM of this man:
he had an isreali flag in his instagram bio until he was called out for it.
he said he put it there for "jewish pride" BITCH THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE, THE GENOCIDE HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 70 YEARS
he originally wanted to delay an episode for ONE DAY "to express our condemnation of violence"… sounds like shitty white man capitalist performative activism doesn't it
when he was called out he deleted his twt, privated his instagram and blamed it all on "harassment" and "death threats". what a fucking coward. y'all yt ppl love using the word "harassment" as a fucking buzzword
his mother, jill katz, openly expressed her support for isreal and was following the IOF on twitter. guess the apple doesn't fall far away from the tree.
we should kill this fucker already
do i even have the mental capacity to reply to this coherently.
adam is not his mother? he doesnt share the same views? hes made it explicitly clear he does not support the genocide. hes a jewish man who wanted to celebrate jewish pride but all of you motherfuckers think that just because someone is jewish means they support israels actions. news flash, they DONT.
have you even been on twitter to witness the threats actually happening? i have SEEN people be absolutely horrible to that man and send him death threats and harass him. but just because hes a white man you seem to think he just throws around that word to get sympathy. how is he gonna SEE any of the sympathy if he doesnt have any accounts to begin with?
and im not gonna pretend i wasnt pissed off at ae's shit episode delay, i was. i was infuriated that they thought one day was enough.
they heard us and changed it in the end didnt they? they listened to us and delayed it another week to make room for more awareness
of course at the time preferably not air it at all as it would act as a distraction from what was happen but ae is kinda going downhill so im not really surprised + the ableism thing has been going on for a while with the entire team and not just adam on his own (this is not defending him im mentally disabled myself so seeing him do this stuff is also harming towards me)
"blocked people who dared criticize him" because it resulted in him getting harassed. he unblocked them and apologised + put out a public apology about it later on (and it was well written might i add) since he had to step back and take a breather due to all the harassment he received
let me say this again.
NOT ALL JEWISH PEOPLE ARE ZIONISTS. ADAM DOESNT SHARE THE SAME VIEWS AS HIS MOTHER. LEAVE HIM AND HIS RELIGIONS BELIEFS ALONE.
the fact youre wishing actual DEATH on him makes you no better.
#+ the genocide has been going on for 75 years so boom get your facts right#to me it sounds like you heard about all this secomdhand and wasnt actually there to witness it#idk tho#i dont have time for this i havent even eaten yet
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every single "but the poor YA authors" reply on the piracy post are genuinely convinced that "just go to the library" is a universal option for every person on earth, that every book or album or DVD is represented in every library collection, and that when an author's sales hit the shitter there's absolutely no explanation other than those awful pirates voraciously stealing their urban fantasy shifter novels. could it be that the book is bad and there's no other way to make people pay for it than to prevent them trying before they buy???
i live in a super liberal metropolitan area in the usa and my own city library is barely accessible, has enormous waiting lists for stuff that should just be piled on the shelf, rotten hours, bad transit access, and even though I do have a library card i just never use it because it will take me hours or days to find out they don't even have what i need in their extended loan collection. this happened enough times that i gave up
friend texted me this a few days ago, we live in the same city:
major work in the English canon that every library would presumably have adequate copies of, the type of book that libraries get too much of and have to sell or send to the pulper regularly right? maybe a librarian can confirm here. i don't think the YA writer people who say "just go to the library" actually read. i think they write fanfic and change the names so they can publish it on amazon, and probably read free copies of the same genre given to them by their writer acquaintances for the purpose of blurbing covers, but anyone who has actually reads extensively and broadly, who has had to depend on a library for their media provision, would know you can never "just go to a library" for everything either literally or metaphorically outside of maybe three cities in the world. libraries "having everything" is a liberal fantasy that i wish was true
edit: im not blaming the library for ANY of this. it is a funding issue and politicians do not give a shit about public services and have been systematically attacking libraries for decades. this is not the fault of libraries, librarians, or people who actually support libraries. i am in favor of giving libraries more money and support. all im saying is that the material reality right now is that libraries cannot replace piracy as a way of accessing media and claiming they can is just evidence that you dont actually care that much about media of any kind.
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i feel like the triplets should be caring more if that makes sense because rn they practically hate on us (they have reasons too but dont make it so public) i feel like they don't take their job assss serious as they need to like asking for our ideas and not doing them, matt saying around 30 words per video and stuff. like dont get me wrong i love them and its okay for them to be burnt out but if your gonna give us videos that aren't that high quality they can't expect to stay on top for the next year or so like they will eventually loose fans if they aren't relating to us,
and they dont realllyy have anything else to do after youtube in my opinion, like im sure they do but right now youtube is their best bet so overall they should stop hating on their fans no matter how cringe we are, and maybe put some more effort into their videos even if it means taking a break.
I agree with this but at the same time if i had yall as fans i would probably actually kill myself so i can’t blame them
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Finally got smart enough to make my #AudioDramaSunday list ahead of time so I wouldn't forget anything for once! We're gonna start today with the newest Magus Protocol episode which was phenomenal. Cole Weavers wrote this one and I just adore his writing. Also: Augustus is here 👀
Early access for the newest ep of @souloperatorpod was this week and y'all have a TREAT waiting for you tomorrow. Tot continues to astound me with her many talents and we also get to meet a new character who I'm already in love with
@tellnotalespod has brought us back to Julia and Riley who are overworking themselves (especially Riley. Let them sleep.) I love getting to hear from them in these mini eps but they DO make me want to shake Leo even harder Leo please talk to your friends please
@camlannpod episode 2 released this week and my gods it was so much fun. A blend of deep and emotional scenes and comedy (I'm still thinking about "The CW lied to me") I love every character with my whole heart and have been loving all the theories on tumblr about the show
New @innbetween was so sweet I love hearing the Lowlifes become actual friends. Phoebe thinking that everyone wanted her to leave squeezed my heart so hard and everyone insisting she stay because she was the one that they wanted for the quest??? Just so so good
@somewhereohio has once again knocked me flat with this episode. The worldbuilding around Jasmine and what's going on with her memories is incredible! I am an Orange Splice stan 1st and person 2nd. Also the Nadia/Alex scene breaks my heart because I know how they end 😭.
New Technomancy Project was SO GOOD!! And I was FUCKING RIGHT!!! I said this before but I love having all of them play Belial's game this time around and I don't think there's a single EPO agent who didn't make me cry this ep. The Technomancy Project continues to kick ass
Caught up on last weeks @thesiltverses and gods it fucked me up (affectionate) B Narr does such a fantastic job with Faulkner. I love him. I hate him. I want him to get whats coming to him & I want to protect him from it at the same time. B's performance knocks me flat every time
There was another special episode of @wakeofcorrosion this week featuring the Fringes' very own @totcoc0a and @taytayheyhey! I will never forgive them for what they did to my heart <3 Shaun Pellington wrote a killer script and deserves none of the blame even if it did break me
Continuing to make my way through the Storage Papers this week and episodes 13-19 were VERY good. I said "Nope, don't like that" out loud multiple times while listening to 19 which is the exact reaction you want from a horror pod.
This isn't a new episode listen but @wpwcpod has announced their existence and cast and im SO FUCKING EXCITED!! Not only do I love CL Hendry's writing but it will also feature the Fringes' very own Ollie Bannerman and @chainofbeing Cai Gwilym Pritchard I'm so hyped
Also not a new episode listen but Athan (creator of The Grotto) has announced that his album is coming out on March 29! If you've listened to The Grotto then you know Athan writes killer music. And if you dont listen to the Grotto: DO IT GO LISTEN RIGHT NOW ITS SO GOOD
Here on the Fringes we're preparing for the second half of the season! Episode 19 is available RIGHT NOW at patreon.com/PineTreePods and will be available to the public this Wednesday! Also gearing up to finish the last 3 episodes of season 3 which I'm super excited for
And over on @forgedbondspod the first half of the show is written! The cast has been thrown into a discord and has access to scripts now which is super exciting, I can't wait for yall to hear what's going to come from the first 24 eps
And that's all for this week! It's a long audiodrama Sunday post but there's just. So much good stuff going on. Every day I'm so grateful to exist in this audiodrama space and to share my work with yall <3
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(From a post talking about how I make an au everytime I watch another movie)
Oh you're spoiling me @sonderquill by indulging me in my au's. Also careful what you wish for lol
Okay heres a list of different Tmnt Au's that I've made in my head!! :D
Princess bride au
My own tmnt iteration au =Youngest leo (and oldest Mikey, but I tend to focus on leo)
Turtleverse - not so much an au as.... a big ol crossover and filling in some gaps from canon
Pacific rim au- I was actually gonna do a tmaynt promt with this au, but I skipped it because it was giving me trouble but I might come back to it
Treasure planet/island au - set in space like treasure planet but I pull in a bit more of the plot/events from the book
brother bear au - setting and details a little iffy
Looking through my notes to double check my Au's, I apparently also had a pokemon au, but I dont really remember where I was going with it lol
And now, Princess and the frog turtle au
Longer descriptions under the cut because uh. It got long lol (most of these are personality and character based from 2003 series, but could also be from other series/general/non specific iteration as well)
Princess bride au and Youngest Leo Au have links to their own posts so I'm not gonna say much more about them on this post
Turtleverse- So this is .... mostly just a place for all the iterations to hang out and meet each other. Kinda like the place in Across the Spiderverse. Theres not much for plot, except. The turtle in charge of everything in the turtle verse is the Donatello who disappeared in Same as it Never Was (2003 series). In this au, that Don was experimenting with alternate dimensions and time travel and accidentally sent himself to another dimension. Because of where ever he was sent, it takes him a while to travel through dimensions and then spends years hopping from universe to universe trying to find home. But because of [science stuff that I'm going to blame on quantum physic even though that's probably not the right term] his body isnt tuned to his home dimension anymore, and so if he ever made it back he wouldnt be able to stay there. And/or by the time he makes it back the events of same as it never was have already happened. So instead, he "maps" out the other turtle universes and allows crossovers to happen and a big ole hang out. (Like I said before, theres not really a Plot, but if there was, itd would probably have somethign to do with Don being A Bit controlling of the different universes and them not messing with Canon Events (like Manuel in Spiderverse), because he knows 03 Don made it to his home dimension, and while 03 Don got his brothers tow work together and defeat shredder, Don's brothers died and SAINW Don holds that against 03 Don and dosnt want other turtles interfering with other universes. So the plot would be addressing... all that while probably also dealing with some other interdimensionalproblem)
Pacific Rim au- like I said, I hope to draw of this and explain it more there. But I'll go ahead and give a run down. This is a human au. The bros are 4 identical brothers that pilot the only four man jaeger. They can also pilot a normal two man jaeger in any combination. But one day when a kaiju that comes out of the rift is more powerful than they expect, it tears into their jaeger and Donnie gets ripped out. After they get their damaged jaeger back to shore and injuries taken care of. They search for Donnie but never find him and (logically) assume he died. What they dont know is that donnie miraculously made it to shore and got picked up by some locals. But Don got a head injury and doesnt remember who he is and no one else realizes that he's the jaeger pilot who was lost at sea. (The bros are fairly private and so their faces arent publicized, and after people from the jaeger program looked for donnie, they really figured he was gone ((okay actually there is debate between the brothers)) so they didnt keep up the search.) As for Donnie, he assumes he's just a person whose home was destroyed by the kaiju and that theres just no one left to look for him. A man that goes by the nickname Leatherhead, takes him in and as the years go by the work on building the wall to protect against kaiju attacks (Don does his own research on the kaiju on the side tho). Anyway. After Don is gone, they cant pilot the 4man jaeger anymore and work in teams of two. But because of disagreements about Don's fate (like how they argued in SAINW) they dont work quite as well together. So Raph and Casey are drift compatible . And Leo and Usagi are Drift compatible. Mikey probably Could drift with others (if I wanted to bring in Mondo gecko into the au theyd be drift compatible), but he's trying to make sure his bros stay together and works with them.
BUT. Mikey hurt his arm during a fight. (Maybe just broken, maybe loses it if I want to lean into the SAINW parallel) So he's benched for a while. With all the gossip of the 4 drift compatible brothers losing a member and getting new drift partners eventually photos of their faces get out there. Someone who works on the wall keeps up with jaeger pilot gossip and thinks, "hey that guy kinda looks like those pilots. Guess the jaeger program really is going to shit if one is retiring to work on the wall" and maybe jokes about it with others. Eventually a rumor starts that theres a retired jaeger pilot working there. Don, who is probably going by a different name but I havent decided what yet, doesnt pay much attention to rumors and if he Does here, absolutely doesn't think it's about him. He doesnt pay much attention to the jaegers and focuses more on the kaiju themselves. Anyway, Mikey ends up hearing the rumor (because he's bored when benched and so goes out and wanders and also is secretly working on rebuilding their 4man jaeger) and goes "well it's not me, and I know it's not Raph or Leo... ". So trying to keep his hope down in case it's not what he thinks, (because really, it's been 5 years. If it was donnie he would have come home. Right?) He goes to see who this look a like is. He goes to where the wall is being built and looks around for a while and is about to call it quits when he bumps into someone. Don does a double take at the person he bumped into because he was looking at his notes instead of where he was walking. Realizes he's probably in the way and apologizes and goes to walk around. Then Mikey, who was so stunned to suddenly run into his brother (who he knows is donnie. Even with the scar he can see peaking out underneath his hair on his temple) who has been Gone for Five Years. He stops Don and questions where he's been. Don is very confused doesnt know what to make of this person who looks such like him. Eventually they put it together that don has lost his memories and Mikey begs Don to come back with him. Don isn't really sure what to think, (could this really be his brother?), he doesn't know this guy and doesnt know if he believes the "yeah I'm your brother and you have 2 more identical brothers as well" and he has been gathering impressive data on the kaiju that he doesnt want to abandon. So mike goes, come see my brothers and you'll see and if nothing else, you can conduct proper research with other scientist there. So don says yes. (But really. After just a minute of talking with mikey, Don would have gone back with him because he could Feel a connection and he Has to figure out the truth of what happened to him). Anyway they go back, Don meets his other missing brothers, theres crying and hugs and apologies and awkwardness. They do a drift at some point and Thats what brings back all of Don's memories. Something something they end up saving the day. I havent thought much plot past the bros reuniting lol
(God that was long. sorry)
Treasure planet/island au- setting is in space like Treasureplanet, so the boys are turtles. But some plot/events and character roles taken from the book. Splinter and the bros help run an inn. Theyve all grown up hearing stories of the Pirate Krang and his hidden treasure. Someone comes to the inn with a map (I'm thinking baxter stockman. Possibly in this weird brain/tentacle form since this is space and I can use his weirder forms) and other pirates pancake the inn and burn it down with the bros barely escaping with the map. Casey is a friend of the family and they go to his house. Leatherhead is a doctor/scientist and was with the turtles at the time. Mikey and/or Don are messing with the map and are the ones to figure out how to open it. Once they realize they have Krang's Treasure Map, they set out to find it. Casey and leatherhead hire the crew. Leatherhead hires the well renown Captain April O'Neil with firstmate Traximus the triceraton. Casey hired the cook and his daughter who helped hire the rest of the crew. Oroku Saki is an utrom in an exo-suit "with a passion for cooking". His adopted daughter Karai is an excellent sailor. :) Anyway they set sail. April knows soemthign is up with the crew and doesnt trust them one bit. The turtles are slightly suspicious of Saki, but mikey likes cooking with him, Don is fascinated by his exo-suit, and Leo likes training with Karai, and is charmed by Saki's "Honor". Raph doesnt trust them at all, but has no proof for anything and his brothers seem okay with them so he keeps his temper down (as much as he can. He's raph tho lol) anyway. Leo (and mikey maybe?) eventually overhear Shredders real plans to create a mutant and take over the ship. The rest of the events are a little unplanned because it's a mix of book events and movie events and I didnt write down everything that I apparently originally thought of. But two of the brothers (originally wrote down Mikey and Raph but that might change) sneak off the ship to join the pirates pretending to think that they are still good loyal crew. They get away from the pirates and meet The Fugitoid, Professor Hunnicut, former navigator for the Pirate Captain Krang. Later 2 of the other turtle brothers (maybe leo and don?) Are trying to get the main ship back and have a epic fight with ... someone. Maybe hun or bishop and/or Karai. Idk. Like I said. Iffy plot points. Karai is the one who has a change of heart and helps the brothers. Also the pirates may not be after treasure so much as, say, a giant portal that can take them across the galaxy in the blink of an eye. Fugitoid may or may not have actually been the one to booby trap the planet so no one could use the technology again for evil.
Brother bear au- setting would probably change. but idk to what/where exactly. The brothers, when reach a certain age are given totems/amulets/soemthing(depends on setting) with a certain trait. Leo the oldest gets Guidance. Don second oldest gets Wisdom. And raph is supposed to get his. he gets Love. Gets mad about the animal he gets. (I havent fully decided if I'm sticking with the whole turning into a Bear thing and giving the eagle and wolf to leo and don. Or to turn raph into a turtle demon(like the ones from the ninja tribunal arc) because then I'm not sure what animal/creature to give to the rest of the brothers. Anyway). Mikey is the youngest and hasnt recieved his yet. things happen, Raph goes a bear/turtle monster and Leo does saving his brothers (I'm sorry leo 😭). Raph decides to go after the "monster" again, despite Don and mikey telling him not to. Raph goes out, kills it, and gets turned into said creature. Donnie who had followed after Rpah thinks his other brother has now died as well and decides he need to go after it as well. Mikey may or may not join him (I havent decided). Raph meets a young one along the way, and while I was originally thinking Tyler(? From lone raph and cub 2003) I think this would be a good spot for Spike/Slash. (I could also change it that mikey is the kid he picks up along the way, it could work. but I also like the idea of the 4 of them actually being brothers the whole time) anyway. travel shenanigans and raph realizing that the "monsters" arent monsters meanwhile Don is having A Time following the creature who killed two of his brothers.
Pokemon au- I'm just gonna screenshot what I have in my notes because I dont really remember where I was going with it lol
And then the newest addition to the Au's and what prompted that other post
Princess and the frog, I mean turtle- theres so many different ways I could go with this. But I think I'm leaning towards an au where, somehow, at least one of the brothers (who are mutant turtles) gets cursed into a normal turtle (because I think its funny). They're all trying to figure out how to break the spell/curse. They find April and think she is a princess whose kiss will break the spell, but she's not a real princess and ends up cursed too. So then they're ALL trying to figure out how to fix it. Havent decided if it's the situation from some of the original stories where the frog has to eat off the princess's plate three times, or kissed by a princess or "true loves kiss". But if it is the true loves kiss, I'm going the Platonic Love is just as true love as romantic love route.
This one hasnt been cooking in my mind as long so it's not as detailed, but I do like the idea of the turtles and april helping each other try to reverse the curse. (It could also be that casey and/or april got cursed originally and the turtles are there to help them find a solution. Or it could be that the brothers are supposed to be human and got turned into turtles/or turtle mutant)
So yeah, theres the different Tmnt Au's I have :)
#Okay so it's not 10 au's like my other post implied#But I didnt include the story ideas that are technically not Not canon compliant but also not necessarily supported by canon either lol#in which there would be like 3 extra au's lol#Also all of these ones (except for the youngest leo au) are au's based on other media#Thansk for indulging me sonder!#Man these for longer than I meant them to be#And they still dont cover all the lore I made for all of them#Also if anyone wants to know more about any of them feel free to ask#Tmnt#Tmnt au#Abby's tmnt au masterlist#Turtleverse#Spiderverse au#Pacific rim au#Treasure island au#Treasure planet/island au#Brother bear au#Princess and the turtle au#Famofpaladins rambles#Uuhh what else to tag#Yeah I'm gonna leave it at that for now#Long post under cut#SERIOUSLY#Long Post Under the Cut
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I fell in love with a ketuvian who has uttara bhadra sun+jupiter and rohini moon.. he also has 12th house placements. I can tell you he was like a perfect man for everyone, but also unnoticed. Handsome and yet away from public eye. Wise and yet indecisive at some point(?) but when he comes to a conclusion, he will follow through with his choice. I admired him so much even when he told me everything about his life. Our situationship only lasted for 3 months, and yet here I am 4 years later still wondering if whatever he felt for me was true. I’m not really asking for advise but i only wanted to share(unless hehe). I never blamed him for anything tho, he has his choices to make, there was so much burden being shouldered. If anyone of our babies here have any experience with the same placements i mentioned, i hope i could hear them too. Hi to our precious admin, if this is alright to share here thank you very much.
I hope our discord members share there experiences too if they may! ❤️
UBP Sun & Jupiter, Rohini Moon, Ketuvian with 12h placements
I think people with heavy 12h placements are kind of unforgettable. they have something to them that makes them sooo special. its a very heavy energy ngl, you can always tell that these people are going thru tough stuff but their 'darkness' or suffering makes them more alluring somehow? 12h or pisces rashi is commonly found in the charts of manyyy iconic celebs and sex symbols. the darkness and mystique makes them vv intriguing despite them being so elusive. they're so hard to reach and penetrate energetically but this is exactly why people go crazy for them. the less they try, the more they magnetize others.
Your guy has pisces rashi AND 12h placements, no wonder you feel this way
but that said, you said you doubt whether "whatever he felt for me was true" and i think that's very Moon + Ketu,, Ketuvians are so detached that one often wonders whether they care about u at all. Moon's nature is ever shifting, one day its waxing, next day its waning, this means Moon dominant individuals are very moody and change their mind about things frequently. if you ask them about xyz today they'll say one thing but ask them 2 weeks later and they'll say something entirely different. this can be vv confusing and disorienting for others. Moon is also linked to manipulation but since idk this person, I can't say he was like that.
but all in all, i think our attachment to certain individuals, esp those who are no longer part of our life, says more about us than them?? youre capable of intense feeling and empathy, thats why he still lingers in your mind. you think of him positively for the most part, you view him in a nuanced way but focus on his light, i think you're very loving and giving as a person. but sometimes we can be too loving.
romanticizing our experiences and our lives is wonderful but sometimes it prevents us from seeing situations and people for what they actually are. try to think about it objectively, was this guy actually as amazing? think about his behaviour in different instances? did he ever say things or do things that were 'off'? our memory is very partial so we often only remember what we want to, so its possible you now dont remember any of his 'bad' qualities but i think it will give you immense peace to let go of this connection. you can wish them well and try to forget them. our minds create their own experiences, the more you think about him and try to dissect him, the more you take away from a time that is already past.
be content with the memories but let everything else goo
just my 2 cents,, i hope i dont sound like im trying to tell u what 2 do or anything (even tho thats literally how ive worded things lmao)
others with similar experiences, how did ya'll cope?
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Tumblr may have filtered my last ask bc it had a link, or maybe you weren’t interested in responding. If it was a fluke, I’d love to hear your thoughts on a post by butchmartyr/760478305191346176/noooo-trans-person-dont-mistake-your?source=share
My first thought was “there shouldn’t be gender affirming clothes” just clothes you like wearing or clothes that feel expressive. I stewed on it for a while because I definitely support people doing what works for them, but seeing this “no it’s not ur radical self acceptance, it’s trans apathy and don’t die wondering, u could be happier” was kinda wild. Anyway take care out there!!
NAUUURRRRR I WAS TOO LATE THE POST GOT DELETED???
but honestly from what you've said... i feel like trans ppl, especially those who go for more stereotypical opposite sex gender conforming clothes/hairstyles/etc can 1000% do gender affirming things that are sexist, or at least describe what they're doing in a sexist way. they often don't bother to look at their own behaviors thru a feminist lense. in their defense, they are often dealing with debilitating dysphoria and can't really think much beyond "i want the discomfort to stop" and humans often draw conclusions about strangers based on very stereotypical characteristics like long vs short hair, makeup, skirts/dresses vs shorts/pants, high pitched vs low pitched voice etc so for them, conforming to the opposite sex's stereotype means having an easier time being recognized as the opposite sex/agab. it means the awful feeling inside them stops and they get relief from the distress that dysphoria gives them. so they aren't thinking clearly, and i say this as someone who was dysphoric for like, 13 years.
honestly in some way i don't blame them - often they do this only until transition, and then i've found they (at least transmascs) are more likely to want to be visibly gnc post-transition. so they aren't just giving into the patriarchy's demands and reinforcing stereotypes permanently; it's a form of treatment, in a way. but the thing is that it's also addictive... they get validation from one stranger, whether it's just out of trans allyship or not, and then it makes the following times they're misgendered that much more painful. which makes them seek transition that much more desperately, understandably so.
the problem with this is that many of them don't just affect themselves with this. they affect "cis" gnc people too with how they talk about themselves and how they talk about gender-validating crossdressing ("crossdressing" can be a cringy word, but ykwim). they aren't just talking between themselves, as much as they tend to think they are. they're posting about this shit in public social media spaces with mildly dysphoric ppl and gnc people who can very well develop dysphoria thru reading their "how to Look Like A Man/Woman" type posts. if to "look like a man" or "look like a woman" you need to be gender conforming, what would that make "cis" gnc people reading it feel about themselves? in a world where we're always told that we're not man enough, we're not real women, we don't act or dress or think like a woman should? of course i developed dysphoria. ofc i did. many other detrans & post-trans gyns and detrans men developed it as a result of this kind of rhetoric. i understand that these ppl need tips from each other to figure out how to manage their dysphorias. i get that. but this shit isn't well moderated at all. they don't actually tell people hey, it's okay if you're just gnc. they don't put a dysphoria-inducing trigger warning or something. they don't realize that this is a... okay, this will be a weak metaphor, but kinda how some mental illness communities will give each other tips that really makes shit worse for ppl reading it who might not even have had any signs of mental illness symptoms before reading it. <<< another thing that happened to me btw, those tumblr spaces really made me mentally sick. i was always prone to it, same as how i was prone to dysphoria, bc of my upbringing & genes. but reading about very mentally sick people's deep inner thoughts really fucked with my head!! and reading about very dysphoric people's deep inner thoughts REALLY fucked with my sense of self. reading about them calling their boobs in masc outfits gross and disgusting and feeling slimy or whatever on their chest made me start feeling dysphoric about them; i had always felt insecure abt my body, and hated that it was so sexualized by boys, but suddenly i developed a whole new complex about it. i know gnc male/amab ppl can have similar feelings when transfems talk abt their bodies and how gross they looked in feminine outfits, how they wish they looked like cis women, how they can't wait to have that happened bc their current visibly gnc bodies are disgusting. cis/bio gnc men reading or listening to that shit can really gain so much shame abt their natural inclination towards femininity and traditionally unmasculine things.
trans people, dysphoric people really need to watch how they talk about their gnc bodies pre-transition and how much they casually gender clothes, hairstyles etc (even just in jokes). they also need to make sure their audience doesn't have ppl who are mildly, potentially treatable dysphorics who can fall deeper into dysphoria by reading what mainstream tras say about their gender nonconforming bodies and womanhood/manhood. they have no idea how many vulnerable, insecure people susceptible to new insecurities are reading what they're writing or hearing what they're saying. also, them trying to steal the "don't die wondering" sapphic slogan by making it about transness, making it about transition, is truly fucked up. if they listened to detrans/desisted/post-trans people AT ALL they would know what to do and not to do to prevent future detransitions. and detransitioners makes them look bad, as they always love to remind us, so why the fuck would they be so careless as to create more of us by not moderating their spaces? it harms trans people too, doesn't it?
we need more tra accountability. we need them to call this shit out.
#lay text#ponderings#asks#I JUST TOOK THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO RAMBLE LOL#sorry i waited so long that the op deleted the post!!#but i hope this is still an interesting read gkjdskjg#i'm a yapper i can't help it <3
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👸- I'm breaking my rule of not talking about them for a hot second. I know this is lengthy, but I have a lot to say about how they are trying to drum up media by using fans.
It just occured to me we, the fans whoever is left, were used again. They saw pur comments about not giving them attention and adjusted thier strategy.
We all saw the photos discusses for maybe 180 minutes and then moved on. We all know they gave us what we all said last tine was missing/odd down to her out of place (we assume cause no one could actually see the dress) outfit and ridiculous heels to a "loving" hand hold flashing the ring.
But we all went theres a picture of before a possible kiss and after a possible kiss. But somehow they missed the money shot which many of us saw as in they didnt or whatever. Then we moved on to other topics and Then 24 hours later we get a video with 2 kisses and the video of said walking out.
THE PICTURE AND VIDEO OF THE KISS WAS HELD DELIBERTLY.
They did this deliberately to make sure fans talk about them for longer. Otherwise the picture of the kiss would have been released with all the others.
They did this because fans said that they arent going to give them and the poop show attention so it can go away faster. So what do thier teams do? Split up the relases. Usually outlets would have both whoever the pics were sold too usually gers the video but regardless the video is usually released at the same time.
And robert patterson who isnt media shy with his significant other went out the back to try and leave privately while the couple that says they are private didn't find a private way to leave.
chris and ebola waited infront of the glass in a weird position then give us those two very loving kisses. (I hope you all can detect my tone here)
We all saw her smirk and Chris' other language fans know so well. And if his body language starts changing again we will know it's because we all discussed it and the lurkers saw. If his body language doesnt change, that's a point in the win collum of it bejng true. Go ship. So congratulations, we all believe it is now true love!
The truth is no amount of papwalks can convince us anything other than someone seriously is holding something over Chris because I dont see any other reason why he's being forced to change to sell it. Its one thing to show up places, but having them try and act more like a couple from him is also another sign that its a sham. We have what 2 years' worth of videos to watch how they interact to compare to, so stop trying to give notes it makes everyone looks worse.
Real couples don't change what they wear and how they hold hands and act based on what fans say. Why because its idotic to do so no one wants to pretend to be aomeone they're nkt and destroys relationships as you can be who you are. And while im assuming that was gunna be the break uo angle- blame it on the fans you can't this time. Why?
This time you can blame his fans because its not just his fans the gen public online isn't buying thany of this bull 💩. That is based on Instagram comments and website comments all which have been limited/turned off the ability to comment.
After Britney Spears being forced to say she's fine for media ( a totally diffrent aituation minus that she was forced to lie that she is ok) and after Will smith and Jada revealed theyve seen seperated for 6 years but pretend theyre together for media reasons, people don't believe a lot of what's 'saud' ??and they especially dont believe/m and questjjn Hollywood couples like they used to
I have been so proud of the fandom or rather what is left to getting rid of the lablels and limiting our discussions.
Regardless if its her pr team CAA's team who is not only Chris' (as they are invested and actually have a distribution type role (i forget the exact name) in her new movie i teams really just proved how fake everything is and that they are lurking otherwise why would everything we all said across milti platforms tumblr, instagram and lipstick queen was suddenly included in this walk.
Do you want us to be convinced it's really a real relationship and they are just in the media to drum up press for thier releases?
(She had a movie that opened 2 days ago over seas)
Do you want to prove they are a real couple?
Then don't release ANYTHING for the next 2 months. No pap walks no reels no photos no stories, no magazine or website blurbs or sources, and no photos carousel of even Dodger. Her movies is released in 2 more places one in the end of January. The other was supposed to be in February but when I just checked the date was removed. Othwewise I expect to see another dog and pony show on or around January 27th.
If we get nothing for two months including Valentine’s day and this included blurbs in mags/online or "sources". Putting nothing out there it will go a long way to convince people that they are a private couple and they are together.
If not and we get one as planned on or around the 27th....
The truth is that her career is a non starter in the usa/north america. Not everyone makes it here- we all have seen way too much of her and since that didnt get any media coverage of that scandle nothing will really get her talken about minus 1 thing:
a REAL break up article
His career is close to being the same. We all see how Chris looks and the diffrent man he is now. Some are still holding out hope that well once again see the man who tweeted if you hang out with racists you are a racist even a charity wants nothing to do with him and he did do a lot for them, we all see that and that. That's why chris' career will dissapear or be on the c or d list as the man who used to be thst superhwro guy. My Point is:
IF YOU CONTINUE TO USE FANS LIKE THIS he won't have a career to go back to and all you press agents will be dropped because he wont have mkney to spend on people.. people who helped his career go down in flames. The only way he'll really be talked about for more thsn 300 minutes is if there is a break up article with truths
Otherwise we'll see you both again at the end of January and Chris will be told to adjust/change what he did wrong.... at least hollywoof knows he can take direction... we'll see the photos first sent to obscure blogs/accounts, then an outlet and then apprently video follows the photos now because you are all THAT desperate
P.S. it's a great choice to have him get makeup done makeup job on He looks a lot healthier (no one is buying that he actually changed that much in such a small amount of time is he wearing the new Prada or Dior foundation?)
No need for me to add anything else... 👸 said her peace, and damn is it everything and beautiful!
#👸 asks#An🫶n asks#booky reacts#booky answers#chris evans#chris evans fandom#alba baptista#chris and alba pr#still not buying this bullshit!#📣📣📣📣📣
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