#no I don't have most of the details hammered out‚ all I know is that things are weird and kazuma is having a bad time (again)

[wyrtig]

asryas, post canon. cw smoking.

[darkeneddawningmain]

I live! And I'm writing a fic

Hello, everyone! :) I've re-started the process of moving this blog over to a side blog (@darkeneddawning) when I have time. End goal is to have all my art and stuff from here over there, so my main blog (this one) can be used for everything. The side blog will be where I post new phandom art and stuff.

Hopefully the transfer isn't too confusing for everyone. If you want to follow me to see my phandom art and stuff, you might want to wait until my side blog is all caught up, or you'll be spammed with me reblogging all of my old art over there for the next while. I'll announce on this blog when it's done and wait at least a week so people have time to unfollow this blog if they don't want my reblogs of everything I like to clutter up their dashes.

But I'm too impatient to wait until I'm done with that before I start posting again, so here's a blurb from the DP x DC Circus Gothica crossover fic I'm writing! It's going to be a while before I can post it since I've got a lot going on and I'm a very slow writer so far, but I'm hoping posting about it will keep me motivated to continue working on it :)

It's not a very long blurb, but I'll put it under a read more anyway (along with a synopsis of the fic):

Fic synopsis:

Wait, but if I’m mind controlled, and you’re mind controlled, then who’s catching the evil ringmaster??

Jason wasn’t expecting to join the suspicious circus he was investigating on Dick’s behalf, but a day in found him planning a heist with his new posse of co-slaves. At least getting in on the action gave him the answers he was looking for, as well as some others to questions he’d forgotten he was still asking.

Or: A new circus rolls into Bludhaven, trailing a history of too many pilfered towns to be a coincidence. Dick asks Jason to look into it on account of Dick’s circus related trauma. Jason was expecting to find evidence, not a one-way ticket to minion town, or a mysterious boy who somehow calmed the insatiable waters of the pit. Who is this boy, and what can he teach Jason about himself?

----

Though he felt compelled to come, he didn’t know what was wanted of him now that he was here.

“This area is off limits to guests. Can I help you?”

That reaper kid from the performance, head attached, was looking at Jason with a raised brow. The same Red color that was swirling around Jason’s brain occupied the kid’s irises. Now he was up close, Jason could see how the kid’s stage eyeliner was only a slight enhancement to the genuine dark circles under his eyes. With those in addition to the gaunt hollowness of his cheeks, the kid looked like he hadn’t slept in years.

Jason smiled. It wasn’t a natural smile, but the Red liked it. “I’m here to, uh… cross over to the dark side?” That was all the Red was giving him to work with.

Reaper kid squinted at him, then drew back in surprise. “Woah, I totally thought you were human. Is that a disguise?” he asked, walking up to Jason.

“Disguise?” Jason glanced down at his body like it would clue him in to what reaper kid was talking about. He looked plenty human to himself. “What else would I be?” Was this important to the Red’s mission? Red was starting to feel a little more impatient.

“Uh, you know,” the kid gave a dismissive hand wave, but clarified: “Dead?”

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

It's a bit long - maybe it a two-parter? But reader is in love with Eddie and tries to show him, sending him love notes in his locker but he thinks (hopes) they are from Chrissy so she decides to just give up, thinking he will never see her like that so she distances herself completely and he doesn't understand why - she even changes direction when they are about to run into each other in the corridor - and when he finally manages to confront her she just tells him "You won't ever love me like I love you so I am just trying to move on" and he's like "well, how do you know that, you've never given me a chance to love you, you just bailed when I didn't realize you were the one sending the notes!"

Request by @somethingvicked 💞

Angst, fluff, pining.

💞

For the last two weeks you had a secret. It was something you hadn't told anyone, not even Robin.

The note in your pocket is carefully sealed in an envelope that you are going to try and sneak in Eddie's locker.

In the last few weeks you have been leaving love notes for your long time crush Eddie Munson. You had poured your heart out in the notes, it was cathartic. A way to express your feelings that were bursting to be let out and it was nice to watch the sweet smile on Eddie's face when he read the notes.

They were all signed anonymously and you disguised your handwriting just enough so that Eddie wouldn't notice it was you. To be honest you were trying to build up the courage to confess to him.

Cautiously you look around and there is a rare occurrence where the hallway is pretty much empty so you quickly rush over to Eddie's locker and slip the note in.

Heart hammering you hurry away from the locker and feel nerves swirl in your stomach. This note was different, a lot more detailed and lovey dovey than the others, you couldn't help it. You were head over heels for Eddie and even though the notes were anonymous, it felt cathartic to say how you felt.

When Eddie finds the latest note at lunch time, the whole of Hellfire is gently teasing him. His cheeks are pink but his eyes are full of excitement, and an anxiousness to know who they are from.

"Who's going to send this doofus love notes though really?" Gareth jokes and ducks to miss the pretzel thrown at his head while laughing his head off.

Then Eddie perks up, smiles dreamily and sighs. "Hey maybe they are from Chrissy?" He looks so hopeful and the words immediately crush any thoughts that you had in which he might feel the same.

Chrissy. He wanted it to be Chrissy, of course he did. She was the sweetest and prettiest girl in Hawkins High, there was no way that Eddie was immune to her charms.

It hurt you though. All this time he talked about not conforming and yet he falls for the beauty queen. Not that you could be too mad at him, it's not like anyone could help who they fell for. You wish you could have that power, to erase these feelings you have for Eddie.

The thoughts still make you feel faintly nauseated and you get up suddenly, "Sorry guys, uh headache'' it's all you can do not to run out of the cafeteria while blinking away tears.

Thank god no one saw you crying. Then you'd really have no way to explain yourself.

That night you're laying in bed and listening to the most angsty music you can find, your thoughts racing about what happened today and stomach churning at what it meant.

You knew deep down that Eddie might not feel the same and at least that was confirmed. It was time to stop indulging in dumb fantasies, it felt like the small bit of hope you had clung onto had faded and now you had given up. Eddie was never going to see you as anything more than a friend.

Maybe it was the push you needed to move on? Or at least distance yourself a tiny bit until these feelings faded.

But how long would that take? The thought of not seeing Eddie every day is awful, you don't know what to do and the worry and despair keeps you up all night.

By the morning you feel numb but full of acceptance at what you need to do.

💌

Distancing yourself from Eddie was hard. He was so ingrained in your usual routines, you were so used to seeing him practically every day that there was this ache in your chest that he wasn't around.

It didn't help that Eddie looked at you like a lost puppy and it shook your resolve every time. You missed the guys at Hellfire too, instead of your usual spot at the table you talked to Robin or Nancy, aware of eyes on you when you didn't sit down beside Eddie.

It was a catch-22, you desperately wanted these feelings to go away so things were back to normal but you missed Eddie like crazy, it felt like a piece of you was missing.

When you saw him in the corridor today, you froze and went in the other direction but you didn't miss the look on his face when you did. It was so hurt and it crushed your heart even more.

You couldn't leave things like this, you would have to say something. Eddie must be so confused and you didn't want to hurt him. But how could you explain how you felt about him, that you're the one who sent the notes?

What if finding out how you felt ruined your friendship? What if what you were doing was ending it, honestly your mind was racing a mile a minute.

Shit you haven't sent any notes in over a week, you didn't want Eddie to get his hopes up wishing it was Chrissy only to be disappointed that it was you.

Obviously you and Eddie really need to talk. Eddie must be thinking the same thing because he shows up at your house around an hour later with a determined look in his eyes.

He's angry and you can't blame him. If the situation was reversed you would feel the same. His furious gaze softens as he takes in your tears.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" His tone is gentler than you'd expect and that makes you feel worse. God you've missed him, you've really missed him.

"I'm sorry" you murmured and made your decision to tell Eddie about the notes, hoping that he wouldn't hate you. "Eddie, I-" he speaks before you can get the words out.

"I know it's you sending the notes" oh...oh shit. You're nervous so that makes you babble and grow even more flustered because you don't know how Eddie would react.

"How?" is the last question you ask and he smiles, all dimples. The smile that you love.

"When you started avoiding me after I said I hoped the notes were from Chrissy, the look on your face...I'm not stupid sweetheart, it became pretty obvious" so much for thinking that you had covered up your feelings, you should have realised eddie would figure it out.

He could be annoyingly perceptive. "I know you don't feel the same Eddie, you're panicking now so you're basically word vomiting, "I've been trying to get over these feelings so that's why I've been distant, I'm sorry"

He frowns, "Sweetheart, I don't want you to avoid me" you bite your lip, emotions rushing to the surface. Frustrated you wipe the tears that are building in your eyes.

"I don't know what else to do Eddie! You won't ever love me like I love you so I am just trying to move on, I'm trying to do that so I don't mess up our friendship" you choke on the words and try to stop the tears that are blurring your eyes. he stares at you looking absolutely stunned.

"You love me?" his voice is so small and you swear there's a hopeful edge to it but you must just be imagining it.

"Yeah, I'm the one who's been sending the notes, but you wanted it to be Chrissy and like I said you don't love me like I love you so I need to move on" Eddie groan exasperated and runs his hand through his hair in frustration. It tugs on his unruly curls and he groans, once his hand is free, he's gesturing widely.

"Well how do you know that? You've never given me the chance to love you, you just bailed when I didn't realise you were the one sending the notes" he snaps and you're seriously frustrated.

"Because you wanted it to be Chrissy! And give you a chance to love me? You either love me or you don't Eddie. I can't just sit around on the off chance that you might feel the same way when you obviously don't"

Tears roll down your cheeks and you wipe them away shakily, you're emotionally spent and you just want to have some time for yourself.

Eddie softens and his hands are on your shoulder, soothing and tender. "You're not listening, I want a chance to love you because I am in love with you"

Oh... "You do, you reply hopeful and he nods, keeping his gaze on you. What about Chrissy?" he shakes his head and his hand moves up to caress your cheek, his gaze is soft and full of adoration.

"Just a dumb crush. I'm over her now. What I feel for you...you're all I think about sweetheart, shit I think almost losing you helped give me a uh, knock on the head" you giggle and he ducks his head looking almost shy.

"Can I kiss you?" you nod eagerly and it doesn't take long for his lips to meet yours. Eddie pulls away after a few seconds and looks completely blissed out. It's exactly how you feel. Wow.

"Shit, I am an idiot, could have been doing that for a while now if I wasn't so oblivious" you stifle a smile and he's grinning too, smiling as he kisses you again.

And again. Showing you how much he loves you.

💞💌

[queerly-autistic]

One of my favourite things about S2 was that we got to see so much in terms of Ed's relationships with women, and it just made me love him even more (if that's humanly possible). We didn't see him interact with many women at all in S1 (I think it was only the posh ladies at the fancy party which was...yeah, not a good experience), so S2 actually giving us a glimpse into his friendships with all these (very different) kickass women was so, so special.

I love that, as messy and fucked up as they all are, and even with the 'well we're pirates, we're not normal and we will fuck with each other' threat that hangs over everything, Ed's relationship with Mary and Anne is still so affectionate, and they both thrown their arms around him the moment they see him. Even though Ed is incredibly tactile, I don't think we've actually ever seen him be hugged like this, and it's just so lovely to watch him be embraced and clearly feel very safe being embraced by these women (and I can't with the way he clings to them, as well). I also love that this is a wlw/mlm friendship; yeah it falls apart later and turns into delicious gay-on-gay violence (and I wouldn't alter a note of it), but I love seeing this sort of affection between queer women and queer men, there's not nearly enough of it.

Don't even get me started on the BFF handshake he has with Anne - I want all the history there, give me six spin-off films about their adventures please.

And then we finally get a glimpse of his relationship with Jackie, which is similarly just lovely, but in a different way? You get the sense that they could sit there for hours, talking shit about the world, all whilst casually ripping the shit out of each other (but affectionately). You also know full well these two have talked extensively about men and know pretty much everything about each other's sex lives - we didn't see it, but I'm absolutely certain that Ed went into full gushing details about sleeping with Stede, just like Jackie did when she talked about The Swede fucking like a jackhammer (historical accuracy ftw).

And, again, whilst they're still pirates, and it's messy, the entire thing feels incredibly...safe, particularly from Ed's perspective? He feels more comfortable around Jackie than he is around most other characters (apart from Stede), just like he was with Anne and Mary.

And then, just to hammer the point home even further that Ed has, generally, fantastic relationships with women, and connects with them, and feels relaxed and safe with them, you have Ed and Zheng becoming instant BFFs literally minutes after meeting each other. Ed goes 'ooh, very cool woman kicking ass and killing people, she shall be my best friend, immediately', and Zheng is automatically incredibly relaxed and open with him, too (suggesting she feels as safe and comfortable with him as he does with her).

All I want in life is to see Ed and Zheng get silly-drunk with each other (and this is why we urgently need a S3).

And none of Ed's relationships with these women are a fetishistic 'I love women because they're fabulous' thing, or an overly patronising paternalistic 'I love the women and I must protect them' thing - all the relationships he has with women are very equal, very comfortable, fully believable, just fantastic friendships to watch play out. I feel like, given everything we see on screen, Ed generally feels a lot more comfortable and safe and open with the women he knows than the men he knows (Stede is the only other person he is this physically affectionate and comfortable with). Which is probably very understandable? Yes, the women he's friends with are all violent pirates too (that's part of the joy of it - none of them are lovely demure morally pure women, they're all violent pirates), but Ed has a lot of experience with specifically overtly abusive men - right back to watching his dad abuse his mum. And that's a distinction that matters: the show treats the violence of normal piracy and the violence of abuse very, very differently. Ed is not used to being treated softly or affectionately by men, as we saw in his shocked reaction to Stede holding his hand. I don't think it's any wonder that he gravitates more towards friendships with women (or that the men he feels the most open and safe with, such as Stede, Fang, even Frenchie, are very pointedly the opposite of the abusive men he has experience with). I just love love love that being friends with women is such a core part of Ed's character, and that we got to see all of these fantastic relationships in the show.

[sharkylass]

ALRIGHT IN STARS AND TIME FANDOM, I'M BOUT TO HIT YOU WITH MY TAKE ON THE BELOVED SISTER!!

Those who don't want to get spoiled about little details about Bonnie's sister (or the game at all for that matter- There's spoilers for Act 3 and 4 in here so YOU'VE BEEN WARNED)

SAY HELLO TO PETRONILLE!! Or how I am going to call her, Nil. I've seen a few people do their take on her, and I wanted to join in!

@insertdisc5 I am sorry in advance if you have a vision for her, especially if it is WILDLY different to mine-

KEEP IN MIND, I AM GOING TO BE RANTING A LOT, IVE HAD THIS IN THE MAKING FOR A WHILE, THERE'S MORE ART, SO SKIP AHEAD IF YOU'D LIKE

First thing's first! I tried to figure out what she would look like in the original style. I didn't want to overly detail her with my normal style, and I wanted her to somewhat fit in with the rest. Bonnie was clearly the strongest inspiration , she has their eyes, the black hair, white thing around their head to bring attention to her face- That's also why she has lip piercings! To bring more attention to her face (and due to Bonnie's earring type, I assumed piercings can exist in the world)

Her ear has 3 earrings, that was not intentional, I just thought it was cool. I like to think they perceive those as "regular" earrings, and even if a person wears bonding earrings, they can also wear more normal earrings.

I just had the image of her not really having a short range weapon, so maybe it's time for someone with a semi-long range weapon to join the team! In my head Nil seemed to be the type to like getting dirty with her hands, so a rope seemed fitting somehow.

Also- She is paper type! I liked the idea of her looking like such a rock type, but being paper. I considered making her dual type, but since those are rare, I didn't want to get ahead of myself. Admittedly, that does make the party a little overloaded with paper types, so if she was to be in a game with balancing, I'd probably change her to rock or something. BUT AS A CHARACTER THING- she remains paper.

(EDIT: I was just reminded of the huge hammer she broke a wall with, so that is ABSOLUTELY a valid replacement weapon for her. If she was rock type that would be her weapon for sure. Altho it IS funny to imagine she broke the wall and swore off heavy weapons for life. I like to think thats what happened with my take on Nil)

Mechanically I think she wouldn't be too dissimular to Isabeau, but instead of boosting the party, she debuffs the enemy. Particularly slowing them down, and lowing defense. Alternatively, I can see her being a second healer of sorts, but while Mira is good at healing everyone, Nil is good at healing a single person and giving them a boost (just things she learned to take care of Bon). I do see her attack not being that high tho, probably lower then Mira.

ALRIGHT, TIME FOR MORE ART

Her dynamics with everyone:

Bonnie:

I like to think Bonnie got their spunky attitude from somewhere. So I like to think Nil is very playful with them, even if she is looking out for them. Bonnie clearly knows the difference between lighthearted serious, and SERIOUS serious. They also seem to revel in compliments, so I like to imagine they are used to receiving them from their sister!

Nil is the most serious around Bonnie tho. As their sole caretaker, she's trying her best to keep them out of trouble while teaching them and letting them grow at a normal pace.

However, when she's with the adults- I described it like- Around Bonnie she can be serious and a voice of reason. When she's with adults tho she herself becomes the Bonnie, so to speak. She's loud and a bit hot-headed.

Mirabelle:

I swear I saw Insertdisc mention that Mira and Nil would have a bit of a rivalry going on AND I'M SO HERE FOR IT-

The two of them are those siblings that fight constantly, but the moment someone else gives either of them shit, the other will go for the jugular. They mainly try to compete for Bon's affection and who's the better sister, and they get a bit... blindsighted. Nil usually doesn't go out of her way to spoil Bonnie I don't think, I think she tries to be reasonable with them where she can. However with Mira in the picture it becomes- a little hard... Nil doesn't like the thought that she's being replaced

However, if either of them needs it, the other will be there. Nil provides Mira with a strong shoulder to lean on, and Mira provides an emotional yet reasonable approach to the situation bothering Nil.

Odile:

I like to think at first Nil didn't really get along with Odile. Supposedly Nil has a bad relationship with her parents, so I imagine her seeing someone who's a parent aged adult who holds seemingly more authority- It would... Unnerve her for a little while.

Odile will probably give her something to do, and Nil would refuse, because who is Odile to be ordering her around?? You know. Like a child. But with time they get used to the dynamic, Nil grows to respect Odile at the very least, and Odile picks up on the fact Nil seems to respond positively to positive reinforcement from her.

Having someone close, to break that pre build idea in Nil's head with positivity, despite Odile being strict and struggling to show affection- It would do her a lot of good, and Nil will eventually thank her, and apologize for being so rough to her in the beginning.

Isabeau:

Isa and Nil are actually very similar- I did not mean for it, but I hope they don't end up being TOO similar.

They are both loud, love to laugh and take care of those they love. Even their hobbies are a bit more similar then everyone else. Nil likes gardening, and taking care of things, and Isa likes to create clothes. Both of them are in a way creating something. Nil making sure what she's taking care of grows to be big and strong, and Isa is more literal-

Where they differ is in smarts partly. Isa is clearly very book smart. I think Nil would turn to him if she had a general question about something (and later on Odile once she gets used to her). She completely encourages him to show more of what he knows.

They also differ in their buffness slightly. While Isa is still the beefiest on the team, he did it with the intention, he trained. Meanwhile I think Nil just likes the field work so she's constantly outside doing heavy dirty work.

I like to think that after being unfrozen, Nil's clothes were roughed up and she didn't really think to or have the time to fix it. So I imagine Isa saw the roughed up state of her pants and gloves, and made her some himself, Which she treasures but GOD she is not used to receiving anything from anyone, LET ALONE gifts.

They also similarly hide their insecurities under bavado. Isa hides his smarts to be liked, and Nil hides her fears so she can be brave. I'll go more into detail when I get to Nil's own section. (I SWEAR I didn't mean for Isa's section to be so long I PROMISE-)

Siffrin:

These two don't do a lot of talking I'd imagine. While Nil is used to being loud, I think she'd get used to the silence around Sif and simply enjoy the quiet.

A lot of the ideas I had with those two were very touch focused. I assume Nil struggles with touch because of potential childhood related traumas, and not being warned sends her into a fight or flight. While Sif is deeply unused to it but craves it.

I still imagine Nil isn't an inherently NOT touchy person- I mean. Bon's the touchiest little guy out there. So maybe she knows how to warn people of when she's about to touch them, AND she is more used to asking for hugs and affection. So after she learns that Sif struggles asking and being startled, she became the person that would encourage them and tell them how to do it. In every single drawing where they're touching just know that either she warned them or they asked for that touch.

Also Nil is a very grounding reminder for Sif that he's not in the loops anymore. So if they get a particular scare, like they were woken up wrong, they had a rough sleep, smelled a banana, remembered the king- anything involving going back- Nil serves as a reminder that they're here, with everyone, in the present. No going back. So that, combined with their touch therapy, it results in him being particularly physically clingy with her. She squeezes their hand ocassionally. It's a grounding reminder.

Nil is also UNBELIEVABLY THANKFUL for Sif, once she learns about how they lost their eye. The fact Sif went out of their way to protect HER little sibling- It means the world to her, and she wouldn't wish it on Sif one bit. She probably holds guilt that she couldn't take the hit for both of them, Bonnie is her responsibility! They probably end up having a conversation similar to Sif telling Mira "Do you think she was wrong? To save you?" She doesn't know about the end of act 3

AAAAAND NIL HERSELF!

A lot of this is already information I mentioned. Her being a paper type, her liking bugs, being traumatized, startled by touch- But I drew these beforehand, so!

I imagine Nil ran away young, cause Bonnie doesn't remember her running from their parents. What happened in there, I do not know and I don't think I'm capable of imagining. It might not even be as dramatic as I illustrated it. But either way, she grew up being the sole caretaker of Bonnie. I'm sure Vaugardians were kind and that they didn't have to struggle too hard for food or a place, or to get Bonnie into a school- But Nil still wanted to learn how to be self sufficient, how to provide in case something happens. It might be why they live in Bambouche honestly, Nil learned how to grow plants and being close to the sea is good for catching a lot of fish! ...It was also at the edge of Vaugarde. Probably the edges where the King's curse reached slower.

She likes getting her hands dirty and working outside, so I imagine she's a bit sunburnt! If only on her shoulders and cheeks.

Growing up alone, self sufficient- She probably had to grow a bit fast (even if she indulges in childish things with Bonbon). She quickly started repressing all fears, all questions of her decision to run away. I imagine she's actually insecure in her abilities, how Bon deserves more capable people in their life, how she doesn't really know anything and how she literally got frozen and Bonnie had to fend for themselves- After Bon comes back, she's so filled with admiration and adoration for her little sibling. They really went to the ends of the earth and saved the world. What a brave little sibling she has.

The new family kind of... Feels like a threat to her title as sister at the start. All 5 of them saved a country. The people Bonnie met are strong, knowledgeable, been all over the world- She's glad they protect Bonnie. She just wishes she had something to offer. It takes her a little while to realize they are also there for her too.

I was ranting to a friend, and I am pretty sure we know Nil would like to travel after everything. Being able to explore her more child like fantasies, with the safety blanket that is the family- It means a lot to her. She gets to truly indulge in living and letting loose and depending on people for the first time in her life.

Afterwards tho... I like to imagine she would settle down. It takes a while, but she likes having a place to call her own. And so we talked about how she would probably have a ranch of some sort. I like to imagine she'd love having horses. A way for her to remain free spirited, while taking care of creatures and having the security of a place to rest at the end of the day. And if she chooses, she can go wherever she wants with those bad boys!

My friend mentioned they might have goats or sheep or chicken, and I'm all aboard for that too. I'm not settled on the idea of a farm life for her, but I like it.

Also if I dare pull a Dreaming One for a second- Bonnie and Sif are like little siblings to her, Mira is like a twin (or relatively same aged), Isa is like an older brother, and Odile the everlasting grandma.

ALRIGHT THAT TOOK A WHILE-

Sorry, I started drawing her for fun and just started BRAINROTTING about her out of nowhere.

I still have little doodle ideas but this was already getting so lengthy so I am going to leave it here, and maybe return another day.

I just deeply wanted to establish Nil as her own character who can fit within the group's dynamic and belong in the family. While she very much IS Bonnie's sister and that's such a big part of her, I wanted to expand her a little further.

If you took the time to read, THANK YOU. I HOPE YOU LIKE HER, AND THAT YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL REST OF YOUR DAY

P.S. IF YOU DRAW OR WRITE WITH HER I BEG YOU TO TAG ME

[lucabyte]

If you wouldn't mind, could you explain to me in detail how your sifloop works? Would there ever be a romantic relationship between the two (and how do you think they would get to that stage) or do you just think they'll be stuck in this weird messed up obsession and loathing loop forever? Anyway your takes on sifloop are my favourite if you couldn't tell

Oh, I've been depicting it as romantic the whole time (remembers I'm asexual and aromantic and thus my depictions of such are alien at best) Er, though you'd be forgiven for not noticing.

I know I don't draw them being particularly traditionally cute (kissing, cuddling, etc) (even though I do envision that any time it's not literally extremely inconvenient that they are entangled like a pair of magnetised squiddles) particularly often.*

(Though, I do have some hints at that kind of behaviour: (x) (x) (x)) But this is where, hm, my particular readings of these characters' self-assessment comes in.

I believe that I (an aroace tumblr user who has been immersed in nuianced language about such things since i was an early teen) and Siffrin/Loop (a guy approaching their thirties who seems to have escaped social pressures primarily via isolation from their peers) will have some different views on things. Hell, Sif/Loop don't even have words for Asexuality and Aromanticism even if they seem to be able to point toward the feeling with roundabout language.

I think that their relationship, in the way that it would manifest, would first and foremost be Physical. Some real Maslow's hierarchy shit. Both of them are viciously touch starved and given the whole shared-ownership-of-body thing I keep alluding to (x) (x) I think they are prone to being a tangled pile of limbs both clothed and unclothed.

Now I (enlightened modern day asexual) do not think that physical/sexual/romantic are in any way synonyms unless you want them to be. I believe that literally all associated behaviours of these can be platonic if that's how you feel about it. Howeverrrrrrr. I really cannot envision "black-and-white-thinking-world-champion siffrin and/or loop" being able to disentangle that so easily. I think they would have trouble squaring the circle of certain actions not being reserved for romance, at least not until after several years of continued unpacking and philosophical discussion with Mirabelle and Odile.

And then there's the part where Siffrin/Loop (and also Isabeau!) have some absolutely insane Jealous streaks. Not even on the downlow, they just do. I think that combination of jealousy and posessiveness when paired with unevenly splitting time between A Guy You're Established To Be (at the very least on his side, romantically) In Love With, and Your Weird Fucking Clone Who You Keep Being Intimate And Intensely Emotional With, is going to cause some problems when it comes to labelling things.

I do not think Sif/Loop are stupid, but man do they ever lack emotional intelligence in a lot of areas (a thing the whole game hammers home). I do not think that they would be level-headed enough to independently invent the idea of "QPR, but the kind where you do basically fuck sometimes". I think they would just (agonise over cheating, first of all.) call it a romantic pairing and be done with it.

And then Isabeau is also there I guess. I gesture at him and at my aforementioned Iseabeau Torment Nexus thoughts (x)(x). I believe this polycule can work and even be healthy but hahahaha oh man they are gonna have some weirrrrrrd fuckin tension beforehand lolllll.

as for how i think they'd get to that stage? lol, lmao. I think of things with a lens of 'what would be the most narratively intense' a lot of the time, so my answer there is:

They basically act like one right out of the gate, at least to the average onlooker**. This makes the fights feel worse. This makes them both paranoid in different ways about how this affects Siffrin's relationship to Isabeau. This makes it more difficult for the party to go "hey so, your friend, we're all being very accepting of their sharp edges because they're clearly someone who's struggling, but why are they suuuuch an asshole?". They fret about this and it causes more push and pull as either side feels guilty about this relationship they're not 'supposed' to have. Even if their relationship woes could easily be squared away by either categorising it as a QPR or talking to Isa (who is vaugardian and probably thus lax about polyamory) neither of them are going to do that right out of the gate because they lack the language, are prone to being wracked by guilt, often assume the worst will happen should they talk about difficult topics, and straight up maybe just see intimacy/sexuality/romance as a package deal due to lacking the social expertise... You see what I mean.

I don't Know if what I envision is... The literal platonic ideal of "A Romantic Relationship". I don't know that if Cupid came on down and inspected my brain that they'd agree that this is romantic and not just like, something really fucking weird, man. I don't even know if I would call it romantic, necessarily. BUT. I Do Think. That These Two. Would Maybe Label It That Way. Because it would make it easier for them to understand and come to peace with that way. Which is what matters. Labels are Descriptive, not Prescriptive.

What I DO think i envision however is something so fucking aroace brained that i can point to sif/loop's canon labels, point to MY labels, and then give you a big thumbs up hoping that you won't get on my ass for implying several sentences upstream that "they probably basically fuck, or something, idk, does star-sucking count as sex? i'm not a doctor nor medical professional of any kind. you probably shouldn't drink whatever comes out of it though"

Implicit question 2: "Jesus Christ you make them seem to hate each other, is that not contradictory? Is that all supposed to be during them being romantically involved?" Yup! Sorry for the subtle undercurrent I haven't previously explicitly and overtly established literally at all but a good chunk of that percieved hatred is a byproduct of Loop keeping their identity secret. That's the space wherein I set most of my fanart. (x) Once that cat is out of the bag I think the heat cools off significantly because then they aren't both talking around each other trying not to actually say what they're fighting about. They can actually bond about shared experiences out in the open rather than keeping their traps shut in case the party overhears. They still fight and have problems thereafter, but it's not made worse by being unable to directly discuss the core issue (+ the party can actually contribute/try to shut things down rather than being unclear on what exactly the issue is)

The above ALSO not helping when it comes to jealousy/feelings of infidelity re: Isabeau. (When specifically in the context of Romantic Frustration here, since that jealousy extends to the whole party when generalised) So that adds another thing to, not necessarily fight about, but be bitter over.

As for hatred being contradictory. Mmm. Nah.

The opposite of Love is not Hate. It is Indifference. (A theme ISAT notably gets at). Hate is distinctly something you do if you care. Often if you care Way Too Much.

I try not to write them hating each other, so much as feeling extremely intensely about each other. (x)

Feeling intensely Thankful, Understood, Sorry, Trapped, Devoted, Jealous, Protective, Pitying, Indebted...

^ Scary ! Complicated ! Hard to deal with ! Even the positive ones can be overwhelming! It's gonna make things weird!

So uh, Yeah. There's your answer? I suppose tl;dr: I view relationships as nebulous and only defined by those in it. (This is something I have previously yapped about at length in essays about my OCs lol) And generally view that there's no "true" label for any relationship except the one that doesn't cause undue distress. (which. i mean it does here. but it probably works out in the end with enough talking)

Asking me to define if something is romantic is like asking me to pin down the true form of the Human Soul. Like dawg i dont know how to do that i dont even know if that shit is real. there are merely actions and their constructed societal categories. If i tell you I think they kiss sometimes does that clear it up? (It shouldn't, obviously, but you get what I mean)

But yeah. Gestures broadly. Shipping an ace (and maybe even aroace based on some shit that little fella says) character like this means it comes with an essay. Because it necessarily interfaces with their nonstandard mode of interaction in that arena. The part where its weirdo fucking ♠ ♥ ♦ ♣ selfcest merely adds a layer.***

... Anyway I'll leave you with this. The mirasifloop qpr "so what is.... romance?" discussion sessions are probably downright dialectical aren't they. Feelings Buddies discuss the phrase "Self-Love" 23467324235 dead 3 injured

*i do have like . 2 wips. that would. include this kind of behaviour explicitly. but i simply have not gotten around to them yet. and also don't worry neither of them are purely fluff both of them still have an air of worrying fuckedupedness about them. yay !

** inkeeping with my "geared for maximal conflict" mind, this can be flavoured with some "technically nobody can say it's not canon, I guess?" during-the-game Sifloop. By handing them the 'started leaning on each other for comfort more blatantly toward the end of a4' thing, since, well, I think exploring the "Loop expected at least one of them to be dead by the end of this/Loop never expected this to end, and thus began filling in that 'Lover' role as comfort/pity/selfishness/mercy given their knowledge that Isabeau is forever out of reach for both of/at least one of them" angle is... Well it's certainly fuckin' compelling that's for sure. Like oops, you let the timeloop malaise get to you and maybe started a trist because you thought you'd be dead before there'd be any lasting consequences. Here's those consequences, motherfucker !! But you won't catch me putting that explicitly in my comics because I don't want to change anything about the raw text of canon when I'm exploring its consequences. However, nothing I do is Incompatible with this read. And I enjoy making things more tortured so. Shrugs and hands this to you. Be free. (....x)

*** those of you that know what i mean by this just had all of it click just now didnt you. lol.

[zelda-of-hyrule-tloz]

Why the "Prime Energy?"

In Echoes of Wisdom, we encounter the Triforce for the first time in a long time (in its usual state, anyway). But something that stood out to me (and a lot of people, I'm sure) was the title it went by: The Prime Energy. It's not something we've heard before, so we have to wonder: why? I obviously can't give a "canon" answer, but I do have some ideas.

Energy in Echoes of Wisdom

Throughout EoW, we collect little blue crystalline shapes called "energy." This replenishes the gauge that allows Zelda to use her swordfighter form. These crystals are found throughout the Still World and appear tied to Might Crystals, which also appear from the rifts (but only when they close). We use them to upgrade the sword and bow themselves.

There are two safe assumptions we can make about Energy:

Might Crystals are the "purified" form of energy or something close to it (its resemblance to bismuth "crystals" seems to hammer in this implication).

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"Energy" is the essence we see Null consume in Din's tale. It appears on its own even before land and sky are built around it. Because of this and the association to might and vitality, this essence must be that of life itself. (Perhaps Zelda's role as a Priestess is what allows her to use this energy in its raw form and gain that supernatural state, unlike Link?)

How may the Triforce relate to this idea of energy?

We know that Din, Nayru, and Farore go on to create the land of Hyrule (or what would become MANY Hyrules over time) to seal Null and prevent its destruction of all life. In A Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, and Skyward Sword, we are told the Triforce is left behind in the wake of this world's creation (creation over the void, in the context of EoW).

The Triforce has the ability to judge those who use it (even going as far as to prevent deities from using it) and its essence speaks to Link in ALttP. Although it may not be "alive" in the same way most mortal characters are in the series, it has a will. This will knows not of good and evil, only of the traits each piece is meant to embody.

We also know that the Triforce has dominion over said world and beyond, being able to shape realms by its wish-granting and power-giving abilities. Hence, the idea of "prime." And, in Lorule of A Link Between Worlds, we can see just how much the rest of the world depends on the Triforce's existence for its energy to be sustained.

EDIT: Don't forget the Force Gems in FSA! They further emphasize the ideas above in the same way!

It's also worth noting that the Tris are tied to the idea of threes, and they are the idea of "existence" to Null's "nothingness." They reinforce the idea of the Triforce's embodiment of "being."

The "Prime Energy" is the Triforce's true name and original state - its intended title. "Then," You may ask, "Why have we called it the Triforce up until this point?"

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Why the Triforce?

It is after the three leave that Hylia is brought into existence with the sole purpose of protecting the Prime Energy. But there's an important detail many overlook:

Hylia doesn't know the purpose of the Triforce.

Not fully, anyway.

Yes, Hylia knows how it works - her whole plan to defeat Demise revolves around it - but she still has questions. Even with all of her memories restored, the first Zelda states that she doesn't know why the Triforce was left behind. She guesses that it was to give the people of the world Hope (perhaps even against world-destroying entities like Null, should he break free...). Even then, it's only a guess.

Doesn't it stand to reason, then, that she wasn't even given its name? After all, she was only created to understand and protect the golden power; perhaps even as an "extension" of its being, given her often implied powers over light and time magic (but that's just a personal headcanon). Perhaps "Triforce" is simply what she took to calling it, as she still could recognize that it was something beyond the nature of the mortal world. (Also, I see it reasonable that she could see Tris - she probably saw them patching rifts and drew a connection between them, which influenced the name).

And, in the thousands of years to follow, wars become waged over the Prime Energy as it is understood only as a relic: a relic meant to give ultimate power to the one who touches it.

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Conclusion

The Prime Energy is the true name of the Triforce, and it is the core to the many realms of Hyrule. Its nature has been misunderstood by many throughout its existence, but none of these ideas are truly false; it holds dominion over time and space while simultaneously keeping it together. It is an essence of the very concept of "life," and as such holds a sort of "will" of its own. It is the ultimate state of the Energy we see everywhere else in Echoes of Wisdom, and Hylia may not be far off - despite being a neutral force that begins and ends wars, it may just be personification of the idea that life will prevail. Although the worlds in this franchise may be scorched and healed, they are never meant to fade into nothingness like Lorule once verged. They are simply meant to be.

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to those who may have scrolled to the bottom because this is unnecessarily long, it's basically just what its name was supposed to be when the three created it but then they just sort of forgot to tell hylia that or anything else lol. also it may just be a personification of existence like the fittingly-named tris.

I love love love solving little Zelda lore puzzles, I may do this again. :) I just HAD to lore dump when a friend asked me about it

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Pomegranate | Nikolai x F!reader

Chapter 1

After a series of misfortunes you've found yourself in debt to Arno, a human trafficker operating in London. You work at his club, dancing and escorting, only to find yourself deeper and deeper in debt. One night you arrive at Nikolai's. He's handsome, abrasive, gross, tender at times and he might be the most dangerous man you've ever met.

cw: cw: dark fic, dubcon/noncon, reader is being trafficked, human trafficking, cockwarming, body inspection, piv, Nikolai is evil but also kind in his own weird way

Masterpost

"Clothes off... all of them," A thick Russian accent said from the intercom. You looked up at the camera in the corner. He must have seen you hesitate, "I already paid. Don't waste my money."

It never got easier. The degradation and humiliation of stripping for strange men, being used like a toy and forced to pack yourself back up into your box till next time.  It'd been almost a year now. As you dropped your coat to the floor your anger and shame hit the ceiling. You'd trusted your ex, he promised to help you when you lost your job, when you couldn't pay rent, when you needed to borrow money. You moved to London for better opportunities now you were in some stranger's house waiting to be used. You'd lost track of how deep in debt you were to him and his 'friends'. 10k? 20k? It made your stomach clench.

"Don't cry. You'll fuck up your makeup." is what those cunts back at the club would always say before you got in the car to a client's.

Marcus, your ex, now trafficker, hammered it in that this was a very important client. Probably another criminal. A rich one at that. His house was more of a warehouse. Large, stretching for almost an entire block. Nondescript from the outside beyond the vault like door and fancy keypad, one you were given a code to on the way there. 

"Turn around," he ordered when the last of your clothes hit the floor. Checking for a wire or weapons you guessed. Knowing you were being watched like this made your skin crawl but it was better than being groped immediately on entry.

The room you were locked in was more of a safe room with steel walls and thick doors. One leading outside and the other leading further inside. No windows, just the camera, an intercom panel and a white gift box that sat on the floor. 

"New clothes in the box. Put them on."

It was a too small lacy bra and matching too small panties. A washed baby blue, all mesh so you were fully exposed. There was a loud buzzer and the door unlocked.

Inside was nice. Made to look like a palace. Wood floors covered in large red patterned rugs. The walls had large paintings you recognized from an art history class years ago. You couldn’t tell if they were real or not. The details were obscured by the darkness. There was only one light on in the hallway, a door was opened down the way. It was a maw that beckoned you toward it. 

You stood at the threshold. The living room was equally extravagant. The walls were painted a wine red lacquer, almost mirror like. The ceiling had complex molding, painted the same color as the walls. The windows were all blacked out with heavy velvet curtains. It felt cold in this room. To the left was a large bar with more bottles than you'd ever seen in your life. To the right was a large couch and projector screen. Soviet era antiques were scattered about. It felt more like a palace than a home. A palace for some dark god, one that ruled pain and death. 

"You're prettier than the photo." You jumped at the voice. He was so quiet you didn't notice him on the couch. He was big, obviously tall but muscular with wide shoulders. He had a layer of fat that only worked to increase his intimidating stature. Dark hair slicked back with a widow's peak. Stubble covered the bottom part of an aged face. He wasn't old, older yes but whatever business he was in had aged him around the eyes. Dark eyes that hid any emotion from you.

He snapped his fingers and motioned for you to walk over. He had a cigar in the other hand. The smell filled the room. 

"Good. You follow instructions. More than I can say for the last one Arno sent me." He motioned for you to spin around again, giving your ass a light spank and laughing when you yelped. "You fuck anyone else today?"

"No," you shook your head. He blew cigar smoke at you, watching the silver bisect around your middle.

"Good. I'd hate to waste more time cleaning you out. They never do a good job at that." He put his cigar in the ashtray beside him. "On your knees."

"What's your name?" He asked, making space between his legs for you. You answered softly, a lie. Never give them anything was what another girl told you. Give anything and they’ll take until there’s nothing left. Even your bones could be used to pick teeth. He held your chin between two fingers, moving your head around like a doll. "Open your mouth."

He leaned forward, looking inside you. A thumb hooked over your bottom row of teeth. It tasted like tobacco and sweat. You'd learned to hold back gags long ago. 

"I don't like girls with rotten teeth." He ran a finger over your teeth, top and bottom, occasionally pressing on one.  He frowned, "Stop shaking. I'm not going to hurt you."

A lie, most likely. Men always said that before fucking you, like they could believe you were there willingly, like they didn't pick you out of a catalogue of girls. You clenched your fists in your lap and willed the fear out of your bones. Docile thing, something to be eaten to the core. You were always good. Arno controlled his girls with an iron hand. You’d heard the beatings other girls got when they disappointed. There were clients who had girls sent to them yet never returned them. Disappointing girls got sent there. Sacrifices to the gods of gold. Arno always wore gold.

"I like girls who like you." He pulled his fingers out of your mouth and pushed your jaw shut. "I paid to have you till morning. Make it worth it."

He leaned back with a sigh, grabbing a remote and turning on the projector. A hockey game flicked onto the screen, the noise from the stadium coming from speakers you never saw. 

"Is there...uh...anything you want me to call you?" Men liked all sorts of names. Daddy, Master, Sir. Rarely creative, often repeated. Some used their real name but not many, no one wants the risk of their whore becoming too mouthy. 

He looked down at you, like he already forgot you were there.

"Sir, when you answer my questions. Kolya, when I fuck you." He undid his belt and spread his legs wider. You knew your job. He picked up his cigar again as you undid the zipper on his pants.

He laid a hand on the back of your head, pressing down your hair. "Just keep me warm for now. Don't want to miss anything."

You took a deep breath before taking him into your mouth. He was thick and uncut. Intimidating even half hard. He didn't push as you worked your throat open, slowly bobbing your head. Sometimes men would ply you with liquor, help you to relax a bit more. You wish he had. The mix of salts from precum and skin filled your senses. A hesitant hand moved to rest on his thigh for leverage. He didn't shake you off. 

You glanced up at him when you took him to the hilt. Hoping for some sign of approval, not for your ego but the sake of your security. Men in pleasure were less likely to be agitated. 

"Good job, Kotenok." He rubbed his knuckles across your cheek, gold rings cooling your skin. He let you rest against his thigh, nose tickled by his dark pubes. Cigar smoke, the drone of the tv and the blood rushing around your head started to calm your nerves. Maybe tonight wouldn't be as awful as you thought.

He thrusted lazily during every commercial break. A hand holding your head steady against his thigh. He chuckled when you gagged. Everything was in Russian so you couldn't follow the game beyond his angry or excited, more so angry, ad libs.

He finally sighed and turned off the tv. He tapped your cheek softly.

"Kotenok, I need you to make me feel better about my team losing."

He made you walk ahead of him, directing you towards his bedroom. His dark eyes dug into your spine. A step below you and still a head taller. This is what a deer feels when the wolf stalks it. 

His bedroom was dark, a single lamp sat on the side table. The walls were a lime washed white. The bed was antique, made of carved dark wood. The sheets were white silk with a matching comforter. It was unmade. More paintings lined the walls haphazardly. When you were younger you used to cut pictures from magazines and tape them up to your own bedroom walls. He had seemingly done the same. 

You crawled onto the bed, swaying your hips as enticingly as you could manage. A hand wrapped around your ankle and pulled you back to the edge of the bed. You yelped as his hips hit your ass, cock bouncing against your cheeks.

"Remember  what I told you, Kotenok?" He pulled your panties down, calloused hands scraping against your thighs. "What to call me?"

"Kolya."

"Good girl." He dragged a hand down your back, knuckles bumping every ridge of your spine. You tried your best not to fidget under his touch, not to let the chill of the air or tickle of his fingers get to you. You heard clothing hit the floor behind you. You stared ahead, picking out one of the paintings to focus on. 

A young woman stared back at you, perched in a carriage and dressed in black, a feathered hat on her head. She looked upset, like you were unworthy of looking at her and you should avoid your gaze. 

Two fingers felt around your entrance. A shiver ran down your spine. You weren't wet enough, you knew that. You clung to the comforter, waiting for pain. 

"I told you to stop shaking. I said I wouldn't hurt you." He rubbed a hand across your ass. He sounded annoyed. You closed your eyes and pressed your face against the silk. It smelled clean and floral.

There was the snap of plastic and cold fingers prodding at your cunt.

"Shhh...I don't break the things I buy." He didn't admonish you for hiding your face as he scissored you open. He was almost tender, rubbing your hip with slow circles. His fingers curved to press against that soft spot inside you, pulling soft whines from you. "There we go, Kotenok."

You were pulled back again till your pelvis was hanging off the edge of the bed, toes curling around the plush of the rug. He ran the head of his cock between your folds, nudging at your entrance. He pushed in slowly, groaning loudly as you whimpered and fidgeted. Despite the preparation it was a stretch and burn. He held you down by your hips.

"Good girl," he purred with one last push. The head of his cock bumped against your cervix , causing you to clench in pain. It only spurred him to start thrusting. Your face dragged against the sheets as he rocked your entire body. His thrusts were hard and deep, like he wanted to mark the inside of you. 

"Close your eyes and let it happen. Most of them don't last long anyways," a girl said to you early on. You didn't remember her name or face anymore. 

You forced out moans every time his hips smacked against your ass. Arching your back so he could think he was pleasuring you. There was a modicum of pleasure, chasing it was too much effort, especially with unreceptive partners.

He wrapped an arm around your waist, hand dipping between your thighs. He pinched your clit till you cried out. His chin tucked against your shoulder, pushing his full weight against you. His body was hot and the thick hair on his chest scratched at your skin. 

"I don't like liars, Kotenok." He rubbed harsh circles till you moaned and shuddered. He hissed, "Cum on my cock or be quiet."

His other hand grabbed your shoulder and hauled you back up with him. Your back still pressed against his chest. Still rubbing your clit, he hooked an arm under yours and rested it between your breasts while holding your chin and forcing you to look upwards. There was a mirror on the ceiling. He smirked at you in the reflection. You dug your nails into your thighs, tears springing up in your eyes. It was horrific and erotic and disgusting and ugly and it made you wet. Some last threads of dignity snapping under the image of him fucking you. 

"Say my name," He panted.

"Kolya...please...Kolya."

"Want to come on my cock? Beg me for it." He licked your ear.

"Kolya please...please Kolya. I want to come. Please. Kolyaaaaa!"

You watched yourself as he forced you up to your peak, clenching around his cock. He laughed harshly and smacked your pussy. He held you up as your legs failed to support you any longer. You came hard, grabbing at his arms, manicured nails digging into his muscles. You would have thrashed about if he hadn’t had such a tight grip on you. 

He growled something in Russian before biting down on your shoulder. He filled you to the brim, his cock twitching inside your still clenching pussy. His cum was a familiar warm that leaked out around his cock and down your leg. He let go and you fell face forward against the bed.

"Catch your breath. I still want my money's worth." He patted the back of your thigh. You hiccuped softly as you regained sense. Limbs feeling heavy, your whole body stretched to its limit. 

You turned your head as he sat down a carafe of water and two glasses on the side table. 

“Need any?” He asked, filling his own glass. You nodded shyly. It was the first time you really saw him naked. He had a litany of tattoos across his chest and arms, too dark to make out details but you could see angels, skulls, cyrillic writing, a fighter jet, the virgin mary and a star on each of his knee caps. Near his groin was a pentagon with letters you couldn’t make out. A gold chain with an Orthodox cross hung around his neck. A layer of black body hair covered him, darkening everything even further. 

“Thank you.” You gulped down your glass, water dribbling down your chin. He wiped it away as he took your glass.

“On your hands and knees now,” He said, pushing back his hair. You faced the woman again, glaring back at her as you presented yourself to him. The mattress dipped behind you. He said something in Russian before pushing back inside you. 

You lost count of how many times he fucked you. You were pliant and submissive, following his lead as he bent you into whatever position he wanted. He was more virile than you expected. More gentle than you anticipated with a grossness you expected. The next time you asked for water he spit his glass into your mouth. He pinched and pulled but never bent you so hard you broke. Gagging, crying and cumming but never sobbing or screaming. 

You woke up sore. Dried cum and bite marks covering your body. He was sitting in an armchair in the corner, watching you sleep. He was already showered and dressed in a silk robe. 

"You’ll shower before you leave. Scrub well." He slapped your ass before shutting the bathroom door and locking it from the outside. 

Another extravagant room. Oxblood tiles and heated floors. A large marble counter and a mirror taking up most of the wall behind it.

It was a large shower but more importantly the water was hot. Not warm but hot. You could have cum just from feeling the jets against your skin. The body wash was luxurious - sweet and woody. You scrubbed well. These kinds of men didn't want their DNA wandering all over the place. 

There was a towel left for you but no clothes and your lingerie from last night was missing as well. He did leave a cup of tea for you on the bedside table. There were painkillers too. You took it all in one scalding gulp. 

You kept the towel wrapped around yourself as you walked back downstairs. You found him through the one open door in the hall.  He was sitting at the dining table, typing on a laptop, cup of espresso cooling next to him. 

"Come here, Kotenok." He tugged your towel till it fell to the floor. He tapped the inside of your thigh till you spread them. "Don't start shaking again. Need to make sure you cleaned up well."

You bit your lip. He spread you open with two fingers, tilting his head as he inspected you. You yelped when he forced a dry finger inside you, moving it around and dragging it against your walls. He pulled it out and stared at his finger for a moment before sticking in his mouth. 

"Good girl." He nodded and got a money clip from his pocket. "I like you. I'll see you again in a week."

He handed you five hundred pounds. You stared at King Charles in disbelief. You'd been tipped before but never this much. You would have to hide it. You didn’t know where but you had to. If he kept tipping you like this it could make a dent in your debt to Marcus and Arno. 

"Thank you, sir."

"Did I ask you a question?" He didn't look away from his computer.

"No...umm...Thank you, Kolya." An offering of affection, appease the god and receive bountiful gifts. 

The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. An actual smile. 

"If Arno takes that from you, tell me. That's your money. I paid him enough as is. Now go get dressed. Your car is here." He pointed back towards the front door.

You hurried off, afraid to go back to Marcus and Arno but also too scared of what Kolya would do if you delayed. 

Here is the rewritten part 1! Part 2 will go up in the next few days. If you have any questions, comments, thirst messages about this fic please send them. I love talking about Nikolai and his Kotenok.

[mesetacadre]

how come the last time the fascists started being popular the commies were too, but now the fascists are rampant whilst the commies aren't (specifically talking about germany rn)

Let's all first be at the same page when it comes to Europe's context at the moment. GDP growth has been stagnating for a few years, save for the momentaneous rebound after most pandemic restrictions were lifted. Regardless of how aware capitalists and economists are, capitalism is facing down another crisis. The EU specifically is beginning to show the first countermeasures in the form of militarism and the beginnings of cuts in the budget. If I recall correctly, the Next Generation fund is drying up, which is a pretty wide-reaching fund. But what's more relevant is the turn towards a war economy, I detailed more on this here and here.

Both the war economy that the EU and NATO are pushing and the pre-existing downturn push people to find answers as to why the European welfare state is showing cracks, despite professional economists insisting the economy is doing well, and despite the economy supposedly recovering from the pandemic restrictions. Now, this might come as a shocker to some, but most Europeans are still pretty fucking racist despite how sorry they say they feel about (past) colonialism and despite how much the word "decolonial" is appended to higher education. So this, mixed with the petty-bourgeois aspirations hammered into everyone since you learn to read, make it extremely easy to feel as if this situation is the fault of migrants. Many of the modern fascist or fascist-adjacent groups haven't really continued with the centrality of antisemitism, substituting it with xenophobia in general, and more specifically against arabs or muslims (they don't see a difference between those groups). Fascism reflects the already-present bigotry in society, it does not invent new types of bigotry.

Having laid this out, I would argue against you when it comes to evaluating forces. Fascism, by virtue of its own nature, is always loud and seeks to create conflicts. It's how they grow. Communist practice, on the other hand, tends to go more unnoticed. Both because serious communists don't actively seek loud conflicts as a structuring tactic, but also because bourgeois press don't have any good reason to publicize, say, a victory achieved by a group of workers organized by the communist party. Each year, marxism-leninism is growing in Europe, especially in the south. You don't hear about it unless you know where to look and who to ask by design. I don't think there is that dramatic an imbalance (if you treat the very conservative parties sweeping recent elections distinct from the organized fascist groups equivalent to those rising in the 1920s, which I do), but regardless, I do think there is being a considerable preemptiveness in this rise in popularity. It's no accident every one of these groups has a money trail leading to the most reactionary factions of the bourgeoisie and their corresponding parties. The eurocommunist parties are also fulfilling their role as the left-wing of social-democracy, and acting as a sponge that absorbs a considerable number of would-be communists with a will to organize.

[ismyteadoneyet]

Theories and predictions about 'Oathbound', and The Kingsmage Oath in particular

okayokayokay yes, I know, I can think of nothing else but Legendborn these days, but ngl I feel such a desperate need to write this out to get more thoughts on it. We already know quite a lot about the Kingsmage oath, right? But as the title of the third book suggests, I believe we will learn a whole lot more about it in Oathbound and I cannot fkn wait lol

[Major Legendborn and Bloodmarked spoilers ahead, read at your own... volition, tihi]

Alright. So. First off, disclaimer - I don't currently have my physical copy of Legendborn closeby to reference stuff, so if any of this is debunked in the first book please correct me! Most of this is sprouted from Bloodmarked! I don't think we got that much info about the Kingsmage oath in Legendborn but it was also quite a while since I read it lol

Theory no. 1

First off, the thing that made me start off my 10-message long rant about this to my Legendborn-partner-in-crime to begin with, is the fact that the two "participants" of the oath are connected to the degree that, not only does the Kingsmage feel if the Scion is in danger, but the Scion in question also feels the things the Kingsmage feels. Selwyn even explains that this is partly why he attacked Bree during the trials in book one during the infamous "graveyard scene":

" 'You remember that I planned our partnership during the trial. Planned to trick you, corner you, and kill you. I knew Nicholas would feel a desire to kill someone that night, because it would come over from me to him through the bond. I planned for him to eventually discover that the person he'd wanted to... was someone he-' [Sel] shakes his head, eyes hard. 'That it was you.' " - Bloodmarked, page 366

...and

" 'The morning after the first Oath, [Nick] came to me. Said he'd felt my desire to kill you and begged me to leave you alone, because of what it did to him' -[Sel] taps his chest- 'here. He said it felt wrong, wanting to hurt you. ' So I knew that what I sent through the bond would poison the part of him that was beginning to love you. Knew that if I failed, he'd have to live with the memory of wishing his girlfriend dead. Not just the memory, but the feeling of wanting to kill you himself, with his bare hands. Murderous intent like that is one of the worst feelings in the world. Haunting. Destructive. And for someone like Nick... it would tear him apart in a way he'd never forget and never heal from. And I did not care. I believed I was right, all in the name of duty.' " - Bloodmarked, pages 366-367

Both of these show the bad effects of the bond. Sel can actively affect Nick's views of the people around him, and influence his actions, and I believe that this is shown by how Nick beheaded that one guard without hesitation, that one time.

"I didn't kill Zhao for my father." Nick's eyes burn. "I killed him for me." Sel's eyes widen incrementally. "We should...come back to that." - Bloodmarked, page 467

The interesting thing about this is the way Sel has been so sure that Nick would "never hurt another soul", and yet, here he is, rejecting Sel's reasoning that Nick killed Zhao because of his father, and instead hammering home that "no, I did it for me." Because, and hear me out on this, Nick is, in the moment of the kill...oathbound to a Merlin actively fighting his own demonia from taking over.

Bree also brings up multiple times that "Nick has become a killer, the dangerous thing" after witnessing the murder (which, when I read it sounded a bit silly since Sel has tried to murder her multiple times and even explained in detail how he planned to do that specific thing but oh well lol), but in relation to how we've seen Sel act throughout Bloodmarked, and keeping the Kingsmage Oath in mind, it makes sense. Because is it ever explained how Sel's descent might also be transferring to Nick through the bond? If it is, I don't remember seeing it.

Also, Nick being so incredibly calm and no-hesitation about killing Zhao (in one of the more brutal ways he could have, even), makes me fully believe that it was either 1. not his first kill, or 2. he is more affected by Sel's demonia than Tracy wants us to realize. During the scene where Sel and Bree watch him kill Zhao, Sel is still void cuffed, which to me means that he is still actively fighting his demonia from taking him. Sel doesn't get his void cuffs off until the fight with Erebus where Bree root-boosts him back to his normal, balanced self, which happens after Nick's kill.

The synopsis of Oathbound hints at Nick having "secrets to share with the Table", and we know absolutely nothing about what he spent all of Bloodmarked doing. We only followed one half of the whole. If Sel was only half-successful in "poisoning" Nick with murderous intent towards Bree in Legendborn, when he hadn't yet lost his humanity... Do you see where I'm going with this?

Tracy herself shared a fanart of Nick doing The Thing, and quoted the artist with something along the lines of "Nick should scare you!" and "Ruthless Nick is the correct opinion to have!", and considering that Nick is now, by the end of Bloodmarked, bonded to a fully succumbed Demon!Sel, what does that make Nick?

Theory no. 2

Now, onto the more fun side of the oath (or, more heartbreaking, depending on how you read it, I guess lol)

I have seen a few people being put off by Nick and Bree's relationship in Legendborn because it, to some degree, reads a lot like "insta-love". And sure, love at first sight and all that stuff but how long has Bree known Nick, really? A couple weeks, maybe? I however, have another theory to this.

Again, the two participants of the Kingsmage Oath share feelings both ways, as explained by Sel:

" 'When did you worry [about losing your humanity]?' [...] 'When I started to see what I believe Nicholas sees when he looks at you. Only a monster could look at you and want to destroy you, Bree.' " - Bloodmarked, page 368

And of course we are led to believe that Nick, the "blond, good-hearted knight in shining armor" is the good influence, right, and Sel being the "tall dark and handsome demon" is the bad influence on the two...

...But what if it was the other way around the entire time?

[Sel:] " 'I was raised not to trust myself!' " - Bloodmarked, page 368

[Sel:] " 'I don't know if that's in the cards for me.' [...] 'If I'm allowed that wish, it would be truly something. But wishes are dangerous mind games we play with ourselves. The only way to win is to not play.' " - Bloodmarked, page 475

Sel was raised as a weapon and a shield for the Scion of Arthur, and has never been treated as anything else. He was never allowed by anyone else nor himself to put himself and his own feelings first. So when he is suddenly struck with feelings for Bree, it makes sense for him to "blame it" on Nick, automatically. He couldn't possibly be the one with romantic, wholesome, fluffy feelings towards someone else, right? To Sel, it would feel wrong. "Illegal".

" 'Why didn't you [leave]?' 'Because my judgement is not what it should be around you, Bree. It never has been.' " - Bloodmarked, page 369

"It never has been," huh? Now, I find that to be a very funny choice of wording, Tracy, since the over-arching conflict in the entirety of Bloodmarked is related to mesmers and witheld information.

And the fact that Bree's mother and Sel's mother knew each other.

" 'The woman that helped you hide the memory. Was that Sel's mother?' My mother smiles, fond and sad at once. ' Yes. Natasia.' I have to ask. 'Do you know where she is?' She glances at Sel, and I know her answer is for his ears and mine both. 'No. Even if I could speak to her now, she would not tell me.' " - Bloodmarked, page 447

We also know that Sel's mother was the one who mesmered Bree in the hospital. But what if both Bree and Sel were mesmered at some point? What if the romantic feelings Nick felt for Bree the moment they met was actually Sel's feelings for Bree, coming over through the bond?

Another thing that speaks to this, I believe, is the use of the phrase "call and response", which Bree uses a lot when talking about herself and Nick,

" And then [Nick's] mouth is on mine, and every call and response we've ever felt pales in comparison to this one. " - Bloodmarked, page 377

...but also how she describes the relationship between Arthur and Lancelot:

" I shiver. Even [Lancelot's] voice affects me like Nick's does. 'Arthur?' he asks. And I reply, 'Lancelot.' Call and response. That's how it is between me and Nick. How it has always been. " - Bloodmarked, page 132

I believe, again, that this "call and response" thing is what I personally believe is what might be bringing Nick and Bree so close so fast. They are both scions of what I see as one of the most bromantic knights in the entire Order. Of course they out of all people would find a connection soul-to-soul right way. And that on top of Sel possibly knowing Bree before Legendborn even happens? It's no wonder that both of the two boys feel so comfortable gushing about her being "beautiful forever" in that one bloodwalk that one time, lol.

In conclusion, I guess the big question at hand is "Where does Nick's feelings end and Sel's feelings begin?" Where is the line? Is there one? I'd like to argue that the fact that Sel's first instinct, when he first starts feeling "what Nick is feeling" towards Bree is to kill her, is denial in the most severe degree. He is the first character from the Order Bree meets, accidental or not, and even though Tracy has said that she wrote Legendborn without a set goal for the endgame-couple, I'm willing to believe that that has shifted towards a BreeSel outcome after the mayhem of a character-development-arc that is Bloodmarked.

The fact that I am a BreeSel believer might also be influenced by the fact that we simply have not seen Nick in A While lol

And if not, I'm willing to root for a Bree x Sel x Nick throuple lol. As long as Sel is part of the endgame setup, I'm good.

Just please let Lark be left alone for William even if Lark and Bree commit to a Kingsmage oath, Tracy, I beg

[douwatahima]

i don't talk about iwtv on here and i don't think i'm going to start, but i do want to talk about one detail in the finale i absolutely loved.

so, back in season one (and i'm 100% sure i'm not the only one who talked about this at the time) i remember being flabbergasted by the bookshelves. we're shown repeatedly that louis is an avid reader, so him having large bookshelves in his home is not a surprise, but they're up incredibly high and we're told concretely that louis can't fly. i remember every time we would see those bookshelves i would have a thought like "does he use a huge ladder??? are they just there for decoration??? but if so where are the books he actually reads??? what is going on here???" and then the finale aired. and armand revealed himself. and he flew. up. to. the. bookshelves. and immediately i became wary of their relationship.

because here's something the narrative hammers home that louis loves and yet, here in his own home, they are gatekept from him. he can't access the books without armand knowing about it and giving him the okay. and that in and of itself is pretty messed up, right? but then you think about what books represent. armand is keeping information from louis. armand is keeping narrative from louis. and i knew then that season 2 was going to reveal that armand was messing with things in some way.

and that's why it's soooooooo cool that this finale starts by showing us those bookshelves up close! "look", it says, "look at all of these stories louis can't access on his own. look at what's being kept from him by armand." and then...and then!!! when all is revealed, when every secret is uncovered, and louis smashes armand against the wall, the bookshelf shatters and most of the books go flying to the floor. they're not being gatekept from him anymore. he doesn't need to rely on armand anymore.

the narrative is laid out before him and finally within his reach.

[shapelytimber]

A Taste of Faith

[PRINT] - [COMMISSIONS]

Ok so the concept for this piece was : historical gay nuns, and 70s lesbian vampire movies meets tes (don't ask me why- I just had a vision at 3 am)

Because I think Serana should have been meaner<3 I love women's wrongs and when vampires do the suck <3

Btw of you want to see more gay Serana art, go check out @gay-of-waterdeep, their art is wonderful, and I can't say this was not a bit inspired by what they do :))

Process (and me rambling about some of my favorite 70s lesbian vampire movies (because I have a problem)) below vvv

Additional details about this drawing ! 1) I used the same Mara design than the one from my tarot deck :)) and 2) the other woman is one of the priestess in the temple in Riften lglggigkglgl her name is *check wiki* Dinya Balu

And now......... Some movies I enjoy because my house my rules, you came this far so why not hear about niche european movies :))))))

Disclaimer for a majority of the films in this genre : the male gaze is very fucking obvious in these movies... they were made by men for men, and the message is often "lesbianism is a dangerous temptation for women". It's a glairing flaw nearly all of them share and that sucks (and frankly it's a flaw Serana's writting kinda has in my opinion, minus the lesbianism part, but let's not dwell on that)- so if you can't get past it, it's completly understandable, be on your way and have a nice day <3

- Daughters of Darkness ! A toxic man is returning to london with his newly wed wife, but they get stuck in Belgium and are forced to stay in a luxurious hotel. Don't worry about the 10/10 smokeshow countess seducing his wife :). Completely unrelated, this movie has, in my opinion, the most beautiful lesbian kiss I've ever seen- but I might not be very objective because Delphine Seyrig is there lglglflflllglm The best one in the list ! So if you want to whatch one, whatch this one <3

- The blood spattered bride ! This is more of... an aquired taste let's say- but I really like it ! A quite effective horror movie, with goofy ass scenes (shoutout to the vampire lady buried in the sand naked with only a diving mask that is not the screenshot because tits), and emasculation being a recuring theme <3 (but if you want to watch it, please check the content warnings beforehand, it has a lot of very shocking and frontal scenes, and it's the 70s so it's not done very tactfully. Also pretty intense flashing lights)

- The vampire lovers ! Ok so this one is a lot less fun compared to the other two because it's made by the Hammer BUT... 1) Ingrid Pitt hello and 2) it's such a intriging thing to see a very christian/conservative studio make a film like that. I know a lot of people don't like the Hammer movies from the 70s, because the studio had a lot less money, and were making wild decisions. But I love them, because they tend to be much more fun bloody and sexy ! I'm a simple woman mjllkklhkhlhlho case in point with the vampire lovers (although if you want a fun vampire hammer movie from the 70s, Dracula ad 1972 is way better). And Peter Cushing is there (i love this man so much-) !

And now I shall resume my quest to find Vampire Lesbos by Jésus Franco and have a probably mid experience watching it xoxo

[otomes-world]

Red filament

I thought about Jade, but my sleeping mind wanted Neige. I don't have excuses

Being connected by a red thread, what could be more romantic, right? You always thought about how predetermined everything became. As if someone had decided in advance to bring you together with someone, without asking either your or the other person's opinion.

Or it could have been banal and simple, and ironic: your thread could have been carelessly cut. Not mysteriously dissolved into thin air, invisibly connecting somewhere on the other side of the world, but just dangling as a torn piece. Curtain falls. Soulmates AU with a catch at the very beginning.

Destiny couldn't be that cruel. Or could it?..

In any case, it didn't concern you. The most important fact worthy of attention was the discharged phone and the absence of first-year friends. The trio of traitors, including Grimm, who split up and abandoned you to the mercy of this very fate. Perhaps part of the blame lay with you. Getting lost on the college grounds and then finding yourself again was much easier than finding yourself in a completely unfamiliar place at the first cafe you came across. Especially when you run away secretly, breaking all the rules.

The doorbell rang welcomingly, inviting new visitors and seeing off others. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the eye-pleasing desserts, constantly replacing each other on the display case. This could have been a good introduction to a book, but your bad mood made itself felt. Each ringing got on your nerves like proverbial hammer on an anvil. Couples scurrying back and forth even more so.

You sighed heavily, leaning against the wall and trying once again to revive the dead phone. It would not turn on from an extra press, but at the moment you really wanted a miracle. Only a couple percent of the charge would be enough for a call or at least a message with a photo of the cafe sign in chat with an angry question: "Where are you?!"

However, you doubted that they were looking for you at all. More precisely, such a thought flashed in the first fifteen minutes of waiting. Then the hope for the conscience of friends was replaced by disappointment and the realization of the complete absence of this quality. If Jack or at least Epel were here, perhaps they would have realized earlier, but unfortunately the first was not even offered to go to the city. The second was dragged by Schoenheit away before you managed to call out to the young man.

What a good time they must have. Relaxing in their rooms after classes or doing hobbies, club activities, whatever. Felmier would have disputed the statement, but he was not here. After another punishment from Crowley, and in the case of the ADeuce duo also from Rosehearts, he would clearly have revised his opinion. He would have looked with envy and the same unspoken "traitors", but he would.

The sound of vibration distracted you from sad thoughts. Knowing full well that it was someone else's phone, you still looked down at your device with hope. Your disappointed face appeared in the reflection of the screen. There are no miracles in this world either. Putting the phone in your bag so that it wouldn't be an eyesore, you sighed again.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a young man looking around strangely, searching for something. For lack of anything else to do, you began to look at him. He was of average height, maybe a little taller than Deuce, and was wearing a dark beige coat with long sleeves. On his head was a warm brown beret, covering the top of his black hair, a fluffy scarf hugged his neck, as a mask on his face. You didn't see him well, but from the available details you could conclude that he was very cute and confused.

Should you help him or not? If he got lost too, then there would be one more lost person in this area. Besides, you didn't know each other. If someone had approached you from the street, you would have looked at them like they were an idiot and sent them off doing their business.

Could he have done the same? With a clear conscience.

Cursing and wondering how your conscience hadn't died completely after months of studying at the NRC and was still making itself known, you pushed yourself away from the wall where you had spent an unknown amount of time and walked slowly towards the young man.

"Excuse me," he looked up at you with his brown eyes while you tried to create a semblance of a friendly smile. "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?" The brunette continued to look at you as if you were a unicorn, so you quickly added. "I just thought you were lost, I swear. If I'm wrong… I'm sorry. I think I'll go."

A magnificent performance, beyond all praise. The Oscar is definitely yours. A million unflattering thoughts about yourself were spinning around in your head as you tried your best to keep a neutral expression on your face and walked back.

"W-wait!" You almost flinched in surprise as you turned around. Now you were looking at him like he was some unknown mythical beast. "I'm doing great! I was just… I was just surprised, sorry," he said, put down his mask, then looked to the street and, lowering his voice, continued. "Do you happen to know where this cafe is? I know it's nearby, but I keep walking in circles. I know, I need to learn how to use a GPS."

He smiled sheepishly, rubbing his neck and holding out his phone, the screen of which showed a very familiar sign. The same one that had been an eyesore, mockingly towering over your head all this time. If it was a coincidence, then it was the most obvious of all.

Instead of a thousand words, you only handed him the phone back and pointed behind you. His eyes immediately widened in surprise or the realization that the goal had been so close all this time. Maybe both at once.

"Thank you! Oh…" he quickly looked around again and, exhaling into his scarf, repeated. "Thank you, you saved me. Can I thank you somehow?"

"No need," the answer burst out on its own, as if you were a robot following orders. "I'm glad everything worked out. Goodbye."

"You can't do that," for a nice guy, he turned out to be quite stubborn, because this time it was you who quickly glanced from side to side. It was more like a game of tug-of-war than a dialogue between two strangers on the street. "If someone helped you, you can't leave without thanking them. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have found this cafe anytime soon."

"You already did," you raised your hands in a surrendering gesture. "I really don't need anything. I just happened to be here, waiting for friends. You don't owe me anything. I helped you because I wanted to."

"Can I at least treat you?"

You mentally raised your hands to the sky. Were there really such good people or had the NRC completely changed your beliefs. To be honest, you were tired of standing around and attracting the attention of onlookers. Besides, you could always sit by the window and watch for the traitorous trio while sitting on a chair.

"Just a drink…"

Before you could finish, the boy brightened up again.If he were a character in a book, roses would bloom in the background from his smile. The world, as they say, would become brighter. Now it was your turn to awkwardly touch your neck.

Already in the cafe, you saw how childishly his gaze was glowing as he examined the desserts. The saleswoman winked at you and quietly whispered,

"See, he came," before you could whisper to her how wrong she was, she added louder, "We have a special offer today. Two cake for the price of one for couples!"

"Great!"

The young man turned to you. His face was hidden by a mask again, but you were sure of two things. First, he continued to smile. Second, he did not understand the saleswoman's hint. This meant that you were going to swallow your embarrassment and the desire to refute everything here and now. If the other party did not understand anything, you were not going to dig your own grave by explaining.

And so, with the light hand of fate, you received both a drink and a cake. If this was compensation for moral damage, you were ready to accept it.

"Sorry I can't sit with you. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I'm here secretly," he smiled again, sheepishly and guiltily, walking you to an empty table. What are people saying about a second coincidence? "Oh, want to exchange contacts?"

He asked as if it was a brilliant idea, while you silently took out your phone. As expected, it was still dead.

"As you can see," you demonstratively tried to turn it on. You never were a master at reading emotions, but you could swear how quickly the cute boy wilted. You and your conscience. "If you don't mind, I can give you my number. I don't know when I'll get home and be able to answer. Is it okay with you?"

"Of course, it is!"

You've only seen such a clear change of mood once, and that was in children. The way he quickly blossomed like a sunflower and became sad like a puppy. Signing your name into the contact, you didn't notice how a small shadow covered the screen.

"Neige," the brunette whispered barely audibly. Before you could react, he immediately pulled away, looking at you with the same sunny smile. "That's my name. I'll definitely text you later!"

Watching how his figure disappeared behind the door and then around the corner of building, you tiredly sprawled on the chair. Covering your face with your hands, feeling how your cheeks warmed up, you asked yourself only one question.

What just happened?

Suddenly, the indignation from meeting Ace's eyes and the equally panicked Deuce across the street was replaced by disappointment. They could have looked for you longer.

[wings-of-ink]

Hear ye, hear ye!

All of you who have been anxiously awaiting Chapter 4 can send a big thank you to the Microsoft mayhem that happened on Friday. Because of it, I have had two entire, unprecedented, days off of work during which all I did was write and edit chapter 4! Stuff like this never happens to me either, so I ate it up. My work computer is still super broken too, so who knows what will happen tomorrow, lol.

So, chapter 4, barring anything disastrous that I do not yet foresee – is coming very soon. Like, any day this week soon. For now, I am looking for bugs and other errors until I feel comfortable getting the update loaded. I will also be updating the warning list and some things on the itch page. I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something I wanted to do, and am having a hell of a time remembering what it was…

Anyway, if it interests you, more details below!

In going through some of the Google Error Reports, I had a couple that I either could not resolve or find.

It was reported that checking player stats in chapter 1 would not work – that it would flash only for a moment. I could not recreate this. If anyone else has seen this, please let me know.

In the end of chapter 2 where there are multiple ways to spend your time there seems to be some issues with how choices become unselectable after certain clicks and it just doesn't seem to function correctly. I have fixed the issues I have found, but could not recreate all of the instances that were reported. This section may get an overhaul in the future since I understand the coding a bit more now.

It was also reported that fonts are not changing. There is definitely a weird issue with this and it will take some time for me to sit down and hammer out. The fonts do change for me, but notably, I don't think they are switching to the correct font types. They don't even appear to be the same fonts from when I first starting this project, lol. This issue is on hold for now.

The last 2 bonus segments for the end of chapter 3 are being pushed aside for the time being. I kept finding myself feeling like I was hammering them into the chapter and it was a little exhausting. If I force it, it will be less enjoyable to read. The segments that are missing are the ones for hanging out with Zahn and Nathanael. Zahn's is easy to wiggle in elsewhere at least, but I'm not sure if Nathan's will make it in or not. We'll see, my motivation was purely for chapter 4, so now that it is ready to go, I'll have another crack at it before I drop or move them completely. They aren't super important to the story, but are just for fun (and if Oswin got his, it's only fair that Zahn gets theirs too). That last section of chapter 3 ended up way too long, so it may get adjusted later anyway.

As with any work in progress, I can't guarantee that your old saves will work. That's probably how we are going to have to roll for a bit until I really get things nice and smooth. Eventually, I will add an option to start from a later chapter and go through and make the (MANY) relevant choices to skip ahead. This may be implemented when Chapter 6 is ready to go since all the ROs will be available.

I also want to figure out how to implement named saves to make it easier for you to sort. I appreciate IFs that feature this, but I do not yet know how to do it, but I'm going to research. I like to play through with several MCs, and I'd like to offer enough info in the saves and/or Stats Menu that you can do this and easily know who you are playing as. Let me know what you would like most in the Player Stats Menu too. Note, that some options do not appear here until you choose them in the story.

Coming up…

Since Chapter 4 is down, I will soon be posting a big poll about future IFs. I've been compiling info for it here and there for a couple weeks on possible options for me to write in conjunction with God-Cursed. So, stay tuned for that in the coming days.

I will FINALLY get to my inbox in earnest as well! I will keep reaction asks paused until further notice since they take me the longest to answer. Feel free to still send in comments or quicker questions. If your question is too spoilery to answer, I will not be able to post about it.

Anyway, hope you are all doing well! I can't wait to see what you think of chapter 4. I hope you enjoy it. I'll get it out just as soon as I feel comfortable enough with it. ^_^

[marimayscarlett]

After going through their answers in this questionnaire and a few others - I don't know why everyone thinks Richard is the one when Paul is the absolute edge lord!

Hi 👋

(Older ask regarding this interview.)

While I would not call Paul an 'edge lord', I do get what you mean. Paul can be, just like Richard, very honest and open in interviews, but his approach is sometimes less diplomatic - really quite direct, casual, and straight from the heart. Very much "Berliner Schnauze", you could say 😄

Some examples I found of Paul being...well, Paul:

Some quotes from this fan-interview:

Question: Do you think you'll be on stage again when you'll be 60? (like rolling stones for example...) Paul: Hopefully somebody will die first. Then we won't have to worry about that.

Question: I really liked Keine Lust video, whose was the idea that you were fat? Paul: It was Schneider's idea. Inside the suits it was really hot. Thankfully, the warehouse was really cold. The whole crew had to freeze but we sweated like pigs. The fat make-up took around 4 hours. But it was still a lot of fun. Most of all, when we had to piss. But I won't tell any more details on that.

Question: Should you ever consider to bring another musicians on stage during concerts like a trumpet player or so? Paul: Six is more than enough. If you ever see us with backing singers, bongo players and horn section, please shoot me!

Question: Aren't you afraid of falling into a deep black hole after the band's intensive life together at the end of the tour? Paul: Wipe your ass and change your diaper, then you'll feel at home again. On tour you have a kind of royal life, it spoils the character. We're fighting to keep from going insane. But sometimes I enjoy not having to do the dishes or take out the garbage. The food is introduced to me orally, I hardly need to chew anymore...(Metal Hammer)

On the topic of 'explosives': Paul: Our downfall, essentially, was that we knew a guy who could get his hands on explosives illegally. He would always supply us with explosives, and so we started blowing things up. It began with a fish we bought from a store, just to see how it would blow up. We’d wrap the explosives in a film canister and then blow up everything we could find. That was really our downfall—once you start blowing things up, you just have to keep going. (Radio Fritz)

Just this one here (from this post by lovely @tinnike):

At the MTV European Music Awards 2007: Markus Kavka: You’re having a completely relaxed evening tonight, which doesn’t happen often for this band—neither nominated nor performing. A whole new situation for you. How will you handle it?Paul: We’re going to get drunk! Markus: Oh, so you haven’t done that before? Paul: Oh, we have.

On finding new topics for lyrics (ZDF documentary): Paul: People always think we sit there like: Hmm, we’ve done incest already, hmm… sex between siblings, yeah, we’ve had that too, hmm… with dogs? Nah, Die Ärzte already did that. Alright, we don’t need it…

But I guess every band needs a very outspoken and open person, and I think Paul is fulfilling this role perfectly 😅

[smokescreenimusprime]

watched tf one the other night with my best friend and now I've been Re-Mental Illnessed, here's some Rescue Bot Smokescreen Rot I rotated while driving home :]

I think I've finally hammered out some more details of Inside Job and this is what I came up with:

like canon it starts with the Omega Keys. Specifically when Bulkhead gets attacked and knocked unconscious when looking for one

And against direct orders, Smokescreen leaves the base to go get him

there were a bunch of reasons why he did what he did. A desire to prove his capability as an EMT. He wants to be a field medic like Ratchet is, he wants to be able to do more than just wait for them to come back injured when the more time that passes the more dangerous it could be. There was also the fear of losing anyone else, especially so soon after he befriended Bulkhead. It's barely been a few days since they started getting along, and the loss of the entire Rescue Bot Force is still raw

so he goes, and finds Bulkhead unconscious and alone in the woods, with the only injury being some scratches and a blow to the back of the helm. Smokescreen doesn't have a scratch on him as they hobble back to base

it doesn't stop Ratchet's anger

Now, don't get me wrong, Ratchet is angry because he was scared. Smokescreen could've been in very real danger. He didn't know what awaited him on the other side of that portal. For all they knew, the Decepticon soldiers could've still been there, and they could've lost the last Rescue Bot in existence

but unfortunately, he says all this when still angry

and Smokescreen, as thick as his skin is from experiencing years of discrimination, is genuinely hurt by it. This isn't just a fellow medic or instructor yelling at him, this is his idol berating him for what he thought was the right thing to do

this is his idol unknowingly repeating the words that followed him all throughout his training and that he sought to prove wrong, and he has no idea how to respond

so he runs. He drives as fast and far away as he can, shuts off his comm because he just. Can't right now. He can't interact with them right now because frankly he doesn't trust himself to speak and not say something he would regret to his dying days

and unknowingly this puts him right in the Decepticon's claws

some aspects of his capture stay the same. He wakes up in the medbay strapped to a table, the Omega Key is extracted, and he is placed under the cortical psychic patch

but the differences happen in the details

His restraints are barely more than a pair of manacles that he could've probably figured out how to escape if given enough time. The Omega Key was removed before he even woke up, the incisions of surgery fresh on his frame but the work is well done with obvious care. With the patch, the mental prodding and information gathering is... oddly gentle and quick, doing barely more than verifying what the Keys are and Smokescreen's identity as a Rescue Bot before retreating

Smokescreen is not a warrior after all. He is a bot thought to be long since extinct who quite literally dropped out of the sky at their feet without warning. He may have loyalty to the Autobots but... he's not fighting this war. Not really. He's just been doing what Rescue Bots do: helping those who need it.

The "cell" he's kept in, if it can even be called that, was an old now-dead officer's quarters. The door is locked and there are guards stationed inside watching him at all hours, but they are not cruel. He gets a healthy amount of rations regularly, and has even been given a data terminal to keep himself entertained (of course, no before Soundwave had thoroughly firewalled and restricted anything that could be used against them)

the most stressful part of his capture is when Megatron comes to visit. Every day without fail, he will come check in on how Smokescreen is doing. He will ask how he's doing and they talk. About Cybertron, about the war, about how accepting the Rescue Bots were, allowing any Cybertronian regardless of caste to join, how much of a tragedy it was for them to have been wiped out.

Smokescreen is not blind to how he attempts to sow seeds of doubt into the Autobots into him. About how cruel it was for them to keep him confined to the base, how cruel Trion was for implanting a relic without his knowledge, questions if Smokescreen truly wanted to help them or if that's just what they've pressured him into doing with false promises that crumble like glass

but instead of refuting him... Smokescreen decides to play along

after all, Megatron obviously sees him as a poor, innocent, helpless bot who could be swayed by some sweet words and a cage advertised as protection

and that facade would make it all the easier to escape when the time came :)