#night ; home is where the heart is
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New Age AU (Obtaining Killer)
Hey guys! Through with a bot of stuff for the day and I have a sneaking suspicion that this stress headache will not leave me until I finish some projects for work, so I *may* be m.i.a. for a hot second until they stop.
In the meantime, I want to drop this! (Unedited, unrefined, raw off the slab style)
Andddd @ancha-aus and @papiliovolens ! Hello! (Mutzelputz if u see this, the tags weren't working for some reason, I apologize.)
Hope y'all enjoy!
Ccino had convinced him to leave the castle. After nearly a year had passed since his last true public appearance. Since he'd stolen the apple from his brother. Nine months had passed since he'd sent Dream away. He tried not to think about it.
Nightmare had been finding out a lot about his magic. How it made him jittery, and how he felt like he understood so much more. How it made him deeply paranoid, quick to react.
How it made people listen to him.
He figured it was because he was scary now. The negative magic condensed over every inch of his bone wasn't exactly appealing, and the extra limbs which had sprouted from his spine now acted like his own personal weapons. If someone didn't listen, didn't give him an answer he liked, the limbs moved without him even thinking.
It had taken time to learn to better control them. Even now, they writhed in his wake. His nerves expressed through their lashing and twitching as they hovered just above the ground.
The streets weren't exactly crowded.
Upon word of the King's arrival to this small providence, Nightmare had found that many people fled from his path. His travel party of several soldiers, and himself on horseback. He'd always wanted to ride horses. The traitor twin was someone that every citizen wished to avoid.
Ccino had coaxed him outside with promises of fresh air. Apparently there were promising young members of the city guard that Ccino swore would be wonderful future knights. Young warriors for him to bring up loyally under his name, no fear of betrayal.
It had made sense, at the time, but Nightmare hadn't chosen to recruit any of them.
It wasn't to say he didn't want to. Several of the humans and monsters were very talented, and he did his best to give them praise, but he could tell. None of them wanted to work under him. They didn't like him. Rejection and hatred that had pierced him immediately, he could practically taste it.
Ultimately, they would do better here in their hometown. A place they were passionate about protecting, and with people they cared for. Night would not try to mold promising soldiers into his perfect guard. No matter how smart of an idea it may have been.
And so he'd moved on.
Night had visited several smaller shops, onces which couldn't afford to refuse him, and he bought some fabrics, a trinket, some small thing from each place he stopped by. He payed exactly the price he needed for each thing. He wouldn't bribe his people, either. The best he could do would be to remain neutral.
He did discover, against all odds, that he was enjoying this day out. Ccino was, in fact, usually correct about this sort of thing.
The travel had been enriching. Almost exciting. He'd never gotten out of the castle much at all, this was all new and excitingly mundane.
Good things do not last forever.
It was almost sunset when he noticed it. Torches being set up, a platform prepared. A crowd gathering.
An execution, came the mutter from one of his soldiers. Though he recognized the set-up, Night had never been in attendance to an execution. He was morbidly curious. The crowd held such a contempt. A broiling hunger for blood.
He wished he'd wheeled his horse away when a few people were ushered out of a nearby building.
The prison, maybe?
There weren't many of them. Nightmare dismounted his steed, and much to the dismay of the soldiers at his side, he found himself sinking. Into the growing shadows cast by the dying sun.
He re-emerged beside the stage, where the few people were lined up. Ready for death by hanging.
That trick wasn't one that Nightmare quite understood yet, but he was always drawn to feelings of intense negativity. He knew that, now. Something about these prisoners were bothering him, even at a distance, and he found himself more curious as he stood before them.
His guards, at the back of the crowd, hadn't seemed to figure out where he had gone. He had the time, now, to loom over the small group of prisoners.
The city guards, the trained ones, had likely seen him earlier at their headquarters. They did not speak even a word against him as he stared.
Nightmare stared at these faces.
A dog monster, scrappy and scarred, black fur clashing against a few patches of white. One of her ears was missing.
A pair of humans, both men, one with long, curly red hair and another with short-cropped red hair and the beginnings of a beard. Maybe they were brothers?
A skeleton. His sockets dripped with black magic, and his soul was a piercing crimson, just infront of his chest.
A flame monster, small and stout. Their flames a flickering green and purple. One of their eyes had a patch over it.
Nightmare was not great at determining emotions yet. He was hardly versed in his own feelings, but there had been improvement recently. Understanding new emotions had been coming more naturally to him.
Sometimes it hurt, but he was learning.
Now, past the blossoms of a headache, he felt a bit baffled as he subconsciously picked through the negativity these monsters exuded. Their fear. Their pain. Their loss, and their anger.
Oh.
"Only one of you is guilty."
He'd said it without thinking, practically announcing it with a voice that still felt unnaturally deep. A voice which rattled his ribcage and seemed to force past the barrier of darkness around him.
The group before him seemed startled. Confused.
Well, all but the skeleton, who seemed to only raise his skull slightly. As though just noticing Nightmare was there.
"How could you have possibly been jailed in the first place?" He muttered a bit quieter to himself.
He knew, deep down, that there were many, many rules in place for situations like this. Laws which he could challenge. People he could speak to. He could appoint members of his court to each of these people and try to earn their innocence through the rites of the law.
Then again, he remembered the rage of the crowd. The frustration of the people waiting to see these killings take place.
He didn't know what to do.
Now the prisoners, especially the two humans, were staring at him hopefully. He'd managed to shatter the negativity a bit. He believed them. He knew this was wrong.
"I don't know..."
The mutter came again unprompted.
These people would not have the means to repay him for his help. He couldn't just waive fees, or risk his court turning against him. He couldn't afford enemies being made so close to his inner circle.
He couldn't just leave them, though. Not after he'd seen the injustice of it all.
Stuck in his own thoughts, he was drawn out of it by a snickering laugh.
"Just set them free." A voice followed, "You are our King, aren't you?"
Nightmare then found his eyes drawn to the skeleton.
The others had eased themselves away from him. He stood, now, almost alone. He seemed unbothered by speaking up, his sockets held in an almost lazy posture. Tension going completely un-held.
He grinned up as the King, and seemed to watch contentedly as the thought settled in Nightmare's skull.
He could do that. Simply waive their charges. Pardon them. He could do that, surely. Many royals had done it before him for less certain terms. His mother had plenty of times.
"And you are guilty. You'll still be hanged. You know this, don't you?" Nightmare asked.
That was when the Skeleton's lazy sockets seemed to tighten with a sort of glee. Some hidden joke Nightmare wasn't privy to.
"Hmm." This was a poor choice. This was a bad decision. "Tell me, quickly, how you came to be here. Before I proceed?"
Nightmare didn't know why he was asking. He was... curious. Just like he had always been.
Very few people would ever speak straight to his face. Ccino, that was the only one who'd done it since his change. Since the prophecy. This skeleton had done it. He'd spoken when no one else could muster even a plea.
The silence he seemed to bring to every room. Broken, just briefly.
The skeleton stared at him a moment.
"Name's Killer, your majesty." The tone was mocking. "A while back a buddy of mine got into hot water, and I decided to help them out. Now, plenty of bodies later, I'm the one stuck on death row."
Simple. An admission of guilt.
Nightmare stared at him some more.
Finally, it seemed his frantic guards had noticed him. Found him. They rushed to his side, though not as fast as he would've liked. He could feel the frustration seeping from each armored body around him.
"You don't have an aversion to it," Nightmare voiced, "Killing, I mean."
Killer nodded. Unashamed.
It felt strangely calm, still. Perhaps it was because the crowd was still chattering. They likely hadn't noticed Nightmare at all.
The king turned to the city guard, still stood on the steps. "Free these four people. My judgement decrees them as not-guilty."
And, before any time could pass in the slightest. "Killer, I would like you to accompany me, before you abscond."
He'd noticed it. Killer had undone his cuffs before their conversation. Completely freeing himself from his weak imprisonment.
Killer seemed amused at the concept of sticking around to chat.
"If you would, I would like to recruit your services at my castle. I need a man who is willing to kill. And kill swiftly." Ccino said to establish an image. It was obvious now that his reputation would remain in the gutter, no matter what choices he made. He was not Dream.
Killer's sockets narrowed.
"And what would I get for being your little hunting dog?" Again, it was bold. It was new.
Nightmare was sure his expression hadn't changed since he'd come before the group. That same angry glare that sat permanently along his skull. The magic had an image to project.
His tendrils flicked, slightly.
"Payment, room, Fresh meals, and any other amenities you may like, so long as it does not break our treasury." He replied, "All I ask is that you simply obey me. And Me alone."
Not true. He'd probably ask for him to listen to Ccino as well. Once he knew for certain he'd stay.
Killer seemed to be thinking. He eyed they king, up and down. He looked to each of the guard around the king. The ones who were back in position now, though Nightmare could feel their annoyance. Their confusion.
Then Killer turned.
Then he turned back.
"Mm. Can't be worse than the ol' noose." Killer replied. "Funny way to run a country, my king. Hiring the first murderer you spot?"
Nightmare didn't humor that with a response. He was honestly shocked the skeleton had even agreed.
Though, all of that negativity had been swapped out for a glee. Something deep in Killer had changed during their brief interaction. A hope. Night could barely grasp the edges of its existence with his subconscious. But it was there.
.
He ignored the crowds as they grew confused. He ignored the worry pouring from the criminals as he had them released and informed them of their pardon.
He did not ignore when his guards told someone to keep their distance. He glanced up. Killer was standing beyond the guards, looking bored.
Nightmare, trusting fool he was, didn't even ask a guard to watch him to ensure he stayed put.
"Stand down." He ordered the guard, who begrudgingly allowed the skeleton to smugly slip past.
His tendrils kept the monster at a distance Night preferred all on their own. He seemed to take the hint.
"They're all gonna be dead by morning, you know." Killer voiced easily.
Nightmare turned to him, confused. What did he mean by that? He'd pardoned them?
"Are you deaf? The crowd wanted us dead, especially me." He chuckled, "Leaving them here is definitely going to get them killed. If the crowd doesn't rip them apart the second you leave, then it'll happen at night. There will be no witnesses."
Oh... Night hadn't fathomed that these people could turn on the innocent once declared. It hadn't even crossed his mind. Did they have a home to return to? A family they put at risk?
The noose was a fast death, but being murdered? That would've been so much worse.
He could tell, by the way they evaded looking at Killer, that he was right. Nightmare would be sentencing them to a new sort of death if he did it like this.
But he didn't have time for a trial. Or several. The sun was going down, abd Ccino expected him back. The castle needed him present, or they might revolt.
Someone might hurt Ccino.
Oh, he was such a poor ruler. He did not know his people well enough. How he lamented the lessons Dream had taken about crowds and current issues abd how to be likeable.
Night didn't know how to handle this. He was still learning!
A trembled in his hand. He tucked the limb quickly away from where it had been lightly clutching his tunics thick fabric, now hiding it beneath his cloak.
"Killer is right. It won't be safe here, for any of you." He spoke. Thank the gods it didn't sound as shaken as he felt. "I extend an offer to you all. You may stay here, or you may come take up positions among my staff back at the castle. Unlike Killer, I do not expect any crime from you, but you will be paid and housed."
The offer was met with a roar of frustration from the crowd, Nightmare chose to allow his guards to handle it. He watched, carefully, as the four looked between eachother.
The brothers agreed first. (They introduced themselves as brothers as they knelt in thanks.) Then the Dog. She said she had no family left to watch over, starting a new life would be for the best.
The flame refused, saying they would leave town by morning, and try to stay safe.
And so, Nightmare left the town with four new party members. Each had been provided a horse, each tied to one of the guards. Aside from Killer, whose steed was held personally by Nightmare.
He figured Ccino would chew him out for this, for bringing criminals into the castle when he was sent to collect soldiers, but Nightmare had a good feeling about these ones.
They did not hate him. Or fear him. He was helping them. And it felt good.
#hoping this posts. i put it into drafts first...#new age au#Night is a little poorly written here. but I promise it's intentional.#i love making the narration feel just as displaced as the character it's followinh#also. might write smth for Killer's pov of this because I can promise you#90% of it is “this loser has no clue what the fuck he”#'s doing“#in a mix of awe and amusement#and he 100% started with ulterior motives and ended up having a change of heart because of the whole#him sensing vaguely that Night was a weird paranoid kid still#OH#and that odd bit in the middle where Night is doing stuff isn't fleshed out very well#but it's meant to be a show of Night making sure his presence is known + gauging how people react to him being perfectly normal#and more importantly#he lost track of his plans. he's actually not supposed to be doing that. he's still a kid and he wanted to explore!#mm#okay#one more note#Nightmare takes those people back with him right? his castle staff is like 20% people from before and 80% people he freed from#unlawful situations or took in when they had nothing#the public sees it as him taking in shifty#evil criminals. but really? these people look up to nightmare because they were at their lowest and now have stable lives + homes and even#families sometimes#it's just cool#inside the castle is a lot safer than outside#even tho Ccino is still the only one who prepares Night's meals I think a good hunk of the staff would maul anyone they found w/ poison in a#mile radius of the kitchen.#raughhhh#okay fr last thing#I love Killer :] Him being the first is so important to me and I think he deserves the happiness ever
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Darling won’t you take me home
#darling won’t you take me home#fairy tail#lucy heartfilia#nalu#natsu dragneel#natsu x lucy#writers on tumblr#lucy x natsu#take me home#home is you#i’m home#home is where you are#you feel like home#home is where the heart is#welcome home#hold my hand#take my hand take my whole life too#take me back to the night we met
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Friendly reminder to wear reflectors when you're walking in the dark. They really make a difference for drivers and help a lot regarding safety.
#And no I don't care if they don't “match the aesthetic of your outfit”#They safe lives#And keeps drivers from having a fucking heart attack when you appear out of nowhere#Please where them#useful#tips#winter#evening#walking in nature#dog walking#fashion#outfit#Use Pendants or ribbons they are pretty small#BUT PLEASE USE THEM#This is inspired by me driving home at night
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can't believe i'm on year 4 of this game and still managing to dick around 75% of the days
#stardew posting arc#i mean i'm not... unproductive...#finished the community center. got everyone to 10 hearts. maxed out every skill.#but skull cavern? ginger island? nah i'm good#mr. qi checking his watch at level 100 wondering where i am:#me making every type of jelly wine juice and pickled item in the game:#i'm just vibing#getting home early every night so i don't miss the second dialogue option with my spouse#(he's a doctor he would be sooo sos sad if i stayed up too late)#stardew valley#sdv
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Chapters: 14/? Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Elain Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Nesta Archeron & Lucien Vanserra, Elain Archeron & Lucien Vanserra, Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra, Nesta Archeron/Cassian Characters: Elain Archeron, Nesta Archeron, Lucien Vanserra, Cassian (ACoTaR), Azriel (ACoTaR), The Lady of the Autumn Court (ACoTaR), Helion (ACoTaR), Feyre Archeron, Rhysand (ACoTaR) Additional Tags: Lucien actually gets the story he deserves, Nesta and Elain: the Most Competent, Archeron merchant family legacy, ACOMAF AU, Who runs the world? Nesta and Elain, Archeron sisters who knew about the War before Feyre told them, Lucien Spring Court Traitor Vanserra, Found Family, fake engagment, ride or die means you can't fucking die, a very different take on the Hybernian war, Fix-it fic, Older Archeron Sisters & Lucien centric Summary:
So bleeding and burning, lost and found, Lucien Vanserra staggered into human lands, and found he wanted to live.
#WE'RE BACK WE'RE BACK WE'RE BACK BABES#two chapters promised?#hah I split them into four because LENGHT#a glimpse of Azriel's promised melt down!#Nesta and Elain using skills and trade and having actual fucking hearts to WIN#the biggest side eye imaginable to Cassian and Mor's canon relationship#317 vassals: THE QUEENS? fuck the Queens the QUEENS DIDN'T NURSE OUR SICK AND LOWER OUR TAXES AND BRING FUCKING ILLYRIANS TO OUR AID#A legion with basically nothing waiting for them at home: we get paid HOW MUCH to carry BABIES#Cassian continues to functionally go insane in the best way possible#Nesta's decision making growing tighter and tighter#Elain conversely starting to really really lose her temper once and for all#LUCIEN GETS TO BE LOVED BY THEIR PEOPLE TOO!#he's theirs!#Night as a crumbling empire a ruined system and a totalitarian dictatorship#Kali: goddamn Cassian is going to have weird little blue eyed asshole faery babies#Zaphael: CASSIAN is going to go win a war for OUR FREEDOM#Kali (who knows that but has been dealing with Mor for centuries): OUR FREEDOM WHERE Zaph? hmmm?#Effloresce#Elucien#Nessian
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Day 30: Midnight Crew!!!!
(Anonymous request)
#weezer#blue album#homestuck#problem sleuth#midnight crew#spades slick#clubs deuce#diamonds droog#hearts boxcars#these are my favourite characters in the comic midnight crew is so rad#i hate a moral coward one who lacks a manly spark i do detest a man afraid to go home in the dark i always spend my evening where there’s w#oman wine and song but like a man i always bring my little wife along im a member of the midnight crew im a night owl and a wise bird too h#ome with the milk in the morning singing the same old song rise with moon go to bed with the sun early to bed and youll miss all the fun br#ing your wife to trouble it will never trouble you make her a member of the midnight crew the fun it never stops till dawn on happy old bro#adway so what’s the use of going home until the break of day now something confidential whisper not above a breath i once came home at 2am a#nd scared my wife to death chorus i never will forget the night i made six robbers run although i did not have a knife a blackjack or a gun#i proved myself a hero of a very high degree i ran for home and six of them were running after me CHORUS#make her a member of the midnight crew!!!!!!!
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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CAT SHAMING. This adorable weirdo had to have emergency hospitalization in the middle of the night last night due to respiratory distress, cost me a thousand dollars, and has been diagnosed with kitty asthma. And she is shameless about it
#siren the bengal#worlds loudest reptile#she's home and fine and comfy but we are still monitoring some stuff#which is WORLDS better than our status about 1am last night#where we were looking as possible heart failure#or a kidney problem#and euthanasia was on the table#I'm so so so glad she's better enough to come home though#all the vets loved her
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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I’m going to be very transparent for a sec. I’ve had two alcohol induced psychosis events happen to me in the past week where I attempted to harm myself and ended up talking to police officers. I’m a recovering alcoholic that tries really really hard but keeps relapsing. I’ve tried AA and therapy and nothing is helping because they keep telling me to look for “my higher power” and I’m not gonna lie, in my opinion, that shit is wack. I’m struggling a lot and faith is the last thing on my mind. Anyways, I wanted to make this post to thank y’all for being one of the main sources of happiness and support for me. I don’t get a lot of people outside of this community that reach out to me when im hurting so im very grateful to have y’all in my silly little phone. I promise I will be back to making mods and what not soon but I’ve been really enjoying making music, it feels almost therapeutic. But yeah, thanks for being here for me y’all. I love you guys.
#the police officer last night was surprisingly very friendly and even made me laugh#I’m glad I’m still here and I’m going to make things right for myself because there’s so much more in this world that I want to live for#suicide tw#tw sui attempt#tw self harm#tw#tw alchohol mention#tw alcohol#also I couldn’t make myself go to the psych ward because I needed to stay home to take care of the kitten#I was bawling my eyes out because I felt so guilty about even thinking of having someone else take care of him#he’s so bonded to me that he cries for me when someone else holds him#I just couldn’t#also the psych ward sucks#and I’m not knocking it entirely but#it really is a last resort thing for me now#after being in one that drugged me up on Ativan and took me off my heart meds to the point where I didn’t remember it#a whole ass week I have no recollection of
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Home is where you are
#you feel like home#i’m home#welcome home#home is where the heart is#home is you#home is where you are#fairy tail#lucy heartfilia#natsu dragneel#nalu#ft art#fan art#artists on tumblr#my lover#lovers#can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
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#heart of glass#every night the trees disappear#alan greenberg#werner herzog#books#my posts#funny how these book posts are diff colors depending on where im at.. yellow like old books at home white under fluorescents & blue outside
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friendship / ships tags. Will be updating as Lark makes more friends <;3 If interested in a platonic / romantic ship with Lark give this post a like and I will make up a tag.
X means romantic ship And means friendship
this is what i got so far:
@selunyte @nightmdic @aercnaut @inabsentiia @dalishflame @forgedinfernal @proofwhisky @shiilelagh @bhaalswn @korzion @valistheanshield @luposcainus
#. king worth fighting for ( nikolai lantsov )#. bonds of friendship between the fire witch and the night medic ( nightmdic )#. where fealty and love blur the lines ( lark x clive - valistheanshield )#. the twin flames ( lucan - inabsentiia )#. honey and cinnamon ( atreion - dalishflame )#. my heart calls your name ( lark x lee - aercnaut )#. you are my home ( lark x dammon - forgedinfernal )#. i just want you to know who i am ( lark x tommy - proofwhisky )#. queen of flames and her forsaken king ( lark x orias )#. the first love ( lark x caelum )#. moon princess and the fire arrow ( eira - selunyte )#. together they do the mushroom dance ( eleva - shiilelagh )#. we may not agree but I will still protect you ( alkas - bhaalswn )#. mother of flames and larkspurs ( rhaenys - kozion )#. lioness and wolf ( caspian - luopscainus )
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hey hi hello just finished s1 e13 of mcd. This ones ends with Garroth and Zenix out on patrol and Zenix looking up and aiming his bow at Garroth with the Scary Piano playing. What I think is a fun detail is that Zenix actually had Aphmau make that bow and those arrows for him in the previous episode! And you know! Garroth obviously at least admires Aphmau and supports her and is like, already down to protect her at this point! He might not be like super devoted to her and he might not even love her yet but still there's a bond starting there! He was like JUST talking about how he needs Aphmau to stay safe bc the village will be in safe hands if he dies and that he wouldn't want her death to be on his hands, so OBVIOUSLY HE CARES! And her bow and arrows just put this man in critical condition in the hands of the knight he is TRAINING. What!! What the fuck!!!
#free my man garroth he did minimal things wrong#(he is a little manipulative but its ok he's trying to do the right thing)#but like#idk if they're gonna call attention to this#in my head and heart there should be a moment where they've been trying to figure out who did this#who the traitor is what happened#aphmau and zenix have been out trying to figure it out and theyve just come in for the night#zenix goes home to sleep but aph stops in to see garroth#alone with him and looking at the tight bandages over the grisly wound#and looking at the broken pieces of the arrow they had pulled from it#and she looks at the fletching and sees her own handiwork#and it just clicks to her what that means#and the dread#knowing she had just been alone with the culprit for hours#him pretending to search for the man who attacked his mentor#putting up such a convincing face of grief and fury that aphmau totally fell for#knowing now exactly how much danger she was in that whole time without knowing#realizing how little she can trust any of her memories of Zenix at all#the boy she knew is very probably a complete fabrication created out of what she and garroth wanted to see in him#a lie they fell for so badly it almost lead to the death of the protector of the village#that's literature baby#fuckin writes itself don't it#mcd#jeremiahs mcd notes#minecraft diaries#aphmau mcd#garroth mcd#garroth ro'meave#zenix mcd
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Well the rewrite™️ now actually has a planning document with links & references to interviews / articles / timelines
#i dont usually plan things so this is weirdly a lot#found an interview last night - alas with Shuster - where he said that aides & staffers are constantly telling Ze to rest#& he just won't (or can't) & it just really hit home again. I write so much about him getting sleep (bc I hope he does dearly) to the point#where I second guess myself a bit and I'm like... he's probably not actually this bad right but no he is and that breaks my heart.
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