#nice moron alert

[hand-makes-stuff]

I just gave my friend the most extreme don't starve hyperfixation and boy am I smug about it

[lordprettyflackotara]

noise || homicidal liu & jane the killer || maid!reader || (𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓵𝔂pasta au)

SMUT MINORS DNI 18+ tw: threesome, dom!jane, dom!liu, knife play + blood play combo, overstimulation, ownership kink lowkey, breeding

Being at the Trenderman mansion was odd.

Not because of its residents, but because of what they allowed you to do.

After your encounter with Helen you never saw him or any sign of him, minus the news channel blowing up after he went on a manic killing spree. With nothing left to clean due to how pristine the mansion was, you were left to your own devices. For the remainder of your weekend you wondered around the mansion aimlessly, admiring all of the freshly polished wood and satisfying forest smell at every turn. The only place you found real comfort in was the library, which was giant in comparison to anything you had ever seen. When you were particularly bored you’d wonder there, curling up in a nook by the window to read to pass time. Truthfully you were enjoying the tiny break, but your body was yearning for some sort of satisfaction. You weren’t sure if it was supernatural or not, but your sex drive was high enough to please all of the mansions residents.

It was Sunday night, Ben and Toby scheduled to pick you up the following day. You were in the last clothing item you had clean, a skimpy silk lavender night gown. The mansion was cooler at night, goosebumps trailing across your bare skin as you headed towards the library. It was the dead of night, most of the mansions residents out and about. You pushed open the doors of the library, the overwhelming smell of cigarettes invading your nostrils. You were surprised to see two shadows sitting in your reading nook. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of Jane the Killer and Homidical Liu, talking amongst themselves as they shared a cigarette.

Jeff was not kind when it came to the descriptions of Jane or Liu. To Jeff, Jane was the psycho bitch who deserved her fate, while Liu was the moronic brother who he deemed to need therapy. You found this ironic coming from Jeff, but never vocalized any form of protest. Yet the stories he told made them out to be the worst of the worst, killers that would slice and dice you mercilessly at the first sight of you. You swallowed, realizing your gawking had alerted them of your presence. “There you are! There’s our little bookworm!” Jane cheered, rising to her feet. You couldn’t help but notice the way her hips swayed when she walked, a smile spreading across her lips. She approached you with ease, your body tense and eyes wide as she threw her arms around you. As you inhaled you could smell her perfume, the sweet scent of chocolate and cherries swirling around your nostrils. Jane noted your tenseness but pretended she didn’t notice, looping her arm through yours.

“I’m Jane and this is Liu. But since you live with Jeff i’m sure you know who we are,” She said, gesturing to each of them as she spoke. Her voice was smooth like butter as she walked you over to Liu. The brunette seemed intrigued by your appearance. “So it’s true, you really are human,” He commented. Jane joined him by his side, not failing to elbow him. “Be nice,” Jane hissed. Liu rolled his green eyes, placing the cigarette to his lips and inhaling. “So uh, are you two together or..?” You began to ask, your voice trailing off. Jane chuckled at your joke, Liu exhaling his cigarette smoke. “Oh no baby I don’t swing that way. I like pretty girls like you,” She laughed. You felt heat dash across your cheeks, her enchanting obsidian eyes staring at you. “You ever smoke a cigarette before?” Liu asked, his voice gruff. You awkwardly scratched the back of your neck. “Well uh maybe, one or two times I think..” You said honestly. Jane reached out and grabbed your arm, plopping you in between the two of them.

“Why don’t you give it a shot?” Jane cooed. Unsurely you took the cigarette from Liu, placing in between your lips. As you inhaled you noticed Jane’s soft hand placing itself on your thigh, while Liu scooted closer toward you. The tobacco swirled around your lungs, your eyes watering as you coughed. Liu chuckled at your reaction, watching as Jane took the cigarette away from there. “You’ll learn kid. Don’t worry, there’s a lot of things Jane and I can teach you,” Liu said. Jane smoked the cigarette with ease, your body melting under the touch of Liu pushing your hair behind your shoulder. “L-Like what?” You sputtered, your heart pounding. Jane placed the cigarette in a nearby ash tray, giving you a seductive smile. “You have such a pretty mouth baby, I think putting it to good use will teach you a few things,” Jane mused. Her words sent a chill down your spine. You were practically trembling under their touch. “What’s wrong kid?” Liu asked, grabbing your chin to force you to look at him. His emerald eyes were full of dominance, peering down at you curiously. “Well J-Jeff said-” You started, Jane quick to cut you off.

“Oh honey is that it? Did Jeff say bad things about us?” Jane asked in a sweet tone. You nodded quickly, Jane and Liu exchanging glances. “We’re not scary, are we Liu? Why don’t you show her how loving we can be?” Jane suggested. Liu hopped off of the bench, immediately falling to his knees. Jane made her way behind you, guiding you to lay against her chest. Liu’s skin was comfortingly warm, while Jane’s was cool and soft. The two made your heart pound and cunt throb, the idea of Jeff’s worst enemies getting you off liberating and terrifying at the same time. Your thighs were shaking with fear, Liu’s warm chapped lips pressing soft kisses onto your inner thighs. Jane pulled the straps of your night slip down, gently rubbing your exposed skin. “You caught us on a good night, Sully would’ve eaten you alive by now,” Jane whispered. She pulled your night gown down until your bare breast were exposed, your nipples becoming hard under the cool night air. “S-Sully?” You sputtered. Liu’s hands slithered under your gown, yanking down your thong. “Liu’s counterpart. Don’t worry baby we’re gonna take real good care of you," Jane cooed.

Her soft hands traveled to your breast, toying with your nipples as Liu's hot breath fanned over your cunt. You whined at the sensation, goosebumps traveling across your skin as Liu licked a stripe up your cunt. "Oh there she is, theres the good little whore everyones been talking about," Jane chuckled, twisting your nipples harshly. You whined as Liu attached his lips to your clit, violently sucking at the bud. One of your hands tangled itself in his hair, the other gripping onto Jane's thigh for support. "You know we've been waiting for your arrival, precious thing," Jane whispered. You whimpered as Liu lapped at your folds as if he were a starved man. "You see we're not above pissing Jeff off for fun," Jane snickered. You watched wide eyed as Jane took out her knife, handing it to Liu. "Now having his sex slave marked with our initials? That sounds like great fun to me. I'd focus on my voice honey, this may sting," Jane told you. You screwed your eyes shut as Liu brought the tip of the blade to your inner thigh, the sharp slicing of your skin making you cry out in pain. "Shh baby you're doing so good. Your reward will make this all the worthwhile," Jane cooed, watching in satisfaction as Liu finished carving an L.

Jane took the liberty of sliding her hand down to your aching cunt, circling your abandoned clit. You groaned as Liu began to carve the letter J, licking the blood from the other cuts. "Well would you look at that Liu, I think she likes it," Jane chuckled darkly. With your blood still fresh on his tongue Liu pulled away from nursing your wound, finishing Jane's initial. "What a dirty little whore, I knew there was a reason everyone loves her so much," Liu replied, his cock beginning to ache in his jeans. Slowly you blinked your eyes open as you whimpered, thin beads of blood forming from the fresh cuts. They still stung as Liu continued to lap at them, causing you to curse. Your body was confused, Jane playing with your cunt while Liu cut you making your head spin. "I hope you didn't go too deep Liu, poor slut already looks dazed," Jane commented. Liu wiped his chin, the clinking of his belt sending a chill down your spine. "We better get on with it then. Wanna see what the hype is all about," He said, pulling down his jeans. Jane rearranged you, making you lay down as the two of them undressed. She took off her panties, hovering over your face. You couldn't quite understand why your body craved what it did, but you wanted nothing more than for the pale killer to ride your face until sunrise.

Eagerly you stuck out your tongue, gasping as Liu abruptly shoved his cock inside of you. He bottomed out quickly, your mouth in the shape of an O as Jane sat on your face. You tried to focus on lapping at her folds, her juices addicting and thighs squeezing your head. "Surprised she still has such a tight cunt after being the community's gloryhole," Liu panted, harshly gripping your waist. You tried your hardest to please Jane, having never eaten pussy before. You tried to do what you thought would feel good, listening to her sinful noises to ensure she was feeling the best possible. "Yes well her tongue can certainly make up for whatever aspects she may lack," Jane agreed, grinding her hips down and onto your face. With shaky hands you grabbed her thighs, trying to balance yourself as Liu began to fuck you. His thrust were anything but slow, the brunette immediately seizing the opportunity to spite Jeff by fucking you. "Think I can get her pregnant? Take Jeff's play thing off the market?" Liu asked Jane, your walls fluttering around his cock at the thought. Your moans vibrated against Jane's folds, causing her to lean forward in an attempt to support herself.

"Sounds like a wonderful plan Liu. You sick twisted bastard," Jane moaned, her eyes fluttering shut as she rode your face. You struggled to be able to focus, both of them overwhelming you. You could hardly keep up with Liu abusing your cunt, purposefully giving you the roughest fuck he could provide. He wanted to send you home with puffy folds and the inability to walk, with his and Jane's markings showing everyone it was their doing. Jane wanted to use you to the fullest extent, grabbing your breast and toying with your nipples as your tongue teased her entrance. This was your first time pleasing a girl and you couldn't get enough. Jane was coming close to her orgasm first, her moans becoming more jagged and uncontrolled. "Fuck, she's fucking good at this. You think we can keep her?" Jane asked, the cord in her stomach tightening. Liu grinned as he put your legs over his shoulders, somehow fucking deeper into your core.

“I’d like to, i’d get a chance to breed this cunt every day,” Liu replied. He brought his thumb to your clit, drawing circles around the bud as he plowed into you. Jane bit her bottom lip, her thighs squeezing your head as she came closer to her orgasm. “Gonna c-cum,” She warned, her head tilting back as she came on your face. Feeling her cunt flutter around your tongue was addicting, your hands keeping her locked into place. You didn’t stop assaulting her cunt through out her orgasm, the pale killer at a loss for words. “Overstimulating Jane kid? My my you are crazy slut,” Liu chuckled. Jane licked her lips, her sinful noises uncontrollable. She shoved Liu’s hand away from your clit, replacing it with her tongue. Your moans became even louder, Liu’s cock continuing to abuse your cunt as it pleased. The cord in your stomach was tightening, your thighs beginning to tremble as your head began to spin.

“Look at that Jane, got her nice and tremblin’ for us,” Liu snickered. The pale killer grinned at the sight, deciding to graze your clit with her teeth. The sensation sent you over the edge, your body shaking as you came on Liu’s cock. His hips began to stutter, your name falling from his lips as he came deep inside of your cunt. On auto pilot you continued to lap at Jane’s folds, determined to make her cum one last time. She braced herself on your thighs, her sinful noises echoing throughout the library as she came again. She slowly lifted off of your face, her thighs shaky and heart racing. You were dazed to say the very least, watching Liu slowly pull out of you. You could feel his warm cum drip down your cunt, both him and Jane admiring the sight. She licked her lips, settling in between your thighs. “Oh no baby, it looks like you wasted all of Liu’s cum,” She said mockingly. With two fingers she gathered what she could, shoving it back inside of you, causing you to whine.

She hovered over your abused folds, your core throbbing as her sinister eyes met yours.

“Whadda say I get you cleaned up so Liu can give you more? Maybe this time you’ll keep it where it’s supposed to be.”

[justabratsworld]

Dear Darling

Ugh, another night of dealing with absolute morons. 

The sun started to rise to stir the ones who were deep in their slumber. The early morning air bites at (y/n)'s skin as she made her way home from her shift at the bar. It seemed like she has been working nonstop lately. No matter how many times she requested more time off or less hours her boss just kept adding hours to her schedule. Not that she should be complaining, she did get a nice raise to her paycheck and well, the tips she gets throughout the night sure doesn't hurt her pockets. Besides, she'd rather be there than at home where her safe place started become hell. With the money she was saving (y/n) should be able to move to a different city. If she was smart enough and saved a little bit more money she could even move into a more secured building where you needed a residential identification or a guest pass to go past the lobby. She was starting to become paranoid with everything and everyone. No matter what it was, whether it was just a cup that was moved slightly or a misplaced spice she used the night prior her brain automatically jumped to "intruder". Once there was even a jacket that was left on her couch that she KNEW didn’t belong to her or anyone she knew. Only, once she finally convinced her friend to come over to see that (y/n) wasn’t going crazy due to stress, the jacket was gone. As if it was never there in the first place. Soon after that incident when (y/n) was out running errands or coming home from work if someone kept looking at her or what going in the same direction too long for her liking she automatically thought they had to be her stalker. All because of those stupid letters. Before they started appearing on her nightstand every morning her life was well...not perfect per se but definitely much better than what it is now.

Entering her humble apartment (y/n) made her way to the bathroom to wash last night off of her, the amount of patrons who felt the need to touch her made her feel dirty. Maybe it was the feeling of hot water cascading down her skin that made her sit in the shower for far longer than what was necessary, or maybe it was her subconsciously trying to avoid the bedroom. The room that was once her safe haven. The one place that once was able  to make her thoughts calm down, now it was the source of her uneasy head. No matter what she couldn’t figure out who was tormenting her like this  No one was taking her concerns seriously, not without having proof. (Y/n) did try to set up cameras. Specifically one at her front door, balcony door, and in her bedroom, but when she went to look at the footage of the times she wasn’t at home or sleeping everything was deleted and she wasn’t able to recover any of it. The memory of the camera that was installed in her bedroom sitting on her kitchen table with a note that read “nice try dear:) you have to be more clever than that to catch a glimpse of me ;)”. 

If only dear (y/n) was this observent before. If she was this aware of her surroundings and alert when she was out and about she wouldn't be dealing with this. If she was as vigilant before she would have noticed the man who was constantly staring her at the club she worked at. Surely she would’ve realized that the original owner seemed to vanish and the new one had more of an interest of her. So much so he kept scheduling her to work longer and more hours. What a shame she didn’t even realize that the one person who was making her life miserable was so so close. Dear sweet (y/n), she was never truly safe. 

'How silly of me to think he would skip a day'

Grabbing the envelope off of my nightstand, taking note of the smell radiating off of it. The thought of the sender spritzing his cologne on it makes my stomach uneasy. Do I really want to open this? I already know that if I do read it all its going to do is add on to my the already growing paranoia. After staring at the red seal I decided to go against my better judgment I slowly open the bane of my existence.      

                 My dearest love, 

Oh how I yearn to feel the sensation of your skin, to hear your siren voice call out to me, to hold you close to me as I whisper sweet nothing into your ear, to have you shake with pure pleasure. Fret not my darling, for soon I will come and rescue you from the nightmare you live in. However, I ask of you to not judge me for my appearance for my heart is much purer than what shows. You will have to worry or want for nothing once you're in my arms. I will love you until my dying breath. My dear sweet sweet (y/n), be ready. For once I have you in my grasp I fear I will not be able to let you go. Knowing your silly little head my go into panic just know that I have eyes and ears everywhere. I am patient and know that I wouldn't harm you in any way, but I can't say that your friends or family will be safe if you were to do anything stupid. I know my baby is smart. I know you won't do something you'll come to regret. 

        See you soon dear. 

Shit. I knew I shouldn't have read that stupid letter-well if I didn't I wouldn't have known that he apparently plans on taking kidnapping me. Shit. I have to call the cops. I have to tell someone but who would even believe me. The police didn't even care when I reported someone breaking in and leaving these letters. If anything they're probably in cahoots with my fucking stalker. I mean, how else would he have known I reported him. Just thinking of the underling threat he left brings a sense of dread. Maybe if I leave town he can't get me? How am I suppose to do that undetected though. He obviously knows my work schedule so me not showing up tonight will surely tip him off that I left. Shit. What did I do to deserve this? Who's attention did I attract? 

Glancing at the alarm clock I take a deep breath and head towards my medicine cabinet. I need to take something to let me sleep so I can go into work tonight. The letter never states when he's coming but there's no point fighting or hiding. Maybe if I just act like I never read that letter I can pretend that my life is normal. Besides, I may have more time to figure out what I'm going to do before the inevitable happens. Popping a few melatonin gummies I made my way to my bed. Weird, those tasted different than what they normally do. A lot less chewier too...maybe I'm overthinking it. I do need some sleep. After last night and that weird ass letter I deserve some shut eye before going through this all over again tomorrow morning.

-

Well damn, my head feels fuzzy. What time is it? It's dark...did my alarm not go off? I know I have it set? Why do my blankets feel different....this bed feels different too...oh well there goes my vision-

- 

"Baby girl, it's time to wake up. You've been asleep for too long. Travis! How much chloral hydrate did you put in those gummies of hers? She knocked the fuck out." Feeling a hand rubbing my cheek a rush of adrenaline goes through me as I try to sit up. What the actual- 

"Breathe baby, breathe. You're okay. It's okay, here focus on me. Yeah? Atta girl. Keep your eyes on me. That's my girl, now now I know you're probably wondering what going on, but I did tell you I was going to pick you up and take you home. Now I'm not going to get into details and show you around your new home quite yet since you're probably still a little groggy but don't worry. Once you're awake and ready I'll tell you everything you need to know and introduce you to your new family. God, I waited too long to hold you." Why can't I move? I keep trying to say something and yet I can't. Fuck I'm so tired, why does it feel like my body isn't connected to my brain? 

"It's rude to ignore your husband-sorry soon to he husband-when he's talking to you baby. I know you're wondering what's going on and but you're obviously still tired. So lets go back to sleep, yeah? Don't be difficult babe, I'd rather not have to drug you again, I don't like seeing you like that" 

No no no no no I don't...want to...go...back....to...sleep.

Dear darling,

When you awake you might be confused and afraid. Don’t worry, I’ll be back shortly. I have some things to take care of. There's water and some medicine on the kitchen island for you. Be a good girl.

Love you lots, 

Adonis M. Corleone

Oh baby girl, just having you asleep beside me is pure bliss. I’m sorry I had to drug you, it was the only way to get you home safe without having to worry about you seeing where you were going. You are the light I need in my life. With all the blood on my hands, all the crimes I have committed, everything has been for you. After watching and waiting for years I finally have you in my arms. If you try to leave I’ll kill anyone in the way. My (y/n), you will be the perfect wife. The perfect mother. The perfect piece to our family. After all, behind every successful man is a beautiful woman taking care of him. Once I get your family out of the way, we will be truly happy. I’m so proud of you for not running away from me. You proved to me that not only are you strong but smart as well. You knew better than to disobey me and for that I won’t necessarily kill your family. I’ll just make sure they know not to look for you.

BREAKING NEWS: Missing 23 year old women. Series of letters found. 

[walnutbun]

Just want to say, @ all of you self-proclaimed "leftists" and "progressives" who refused to vote for Harris, whatever your reasoning:

FUCK YOU.

This is on YOU.

You knew what was at stake here, and you STILL did this shit to us. You decided that strategic voting was somehow above you, that your perceived moral superiority was more important than the rights of women, LGBTQ+ people, minorities, and basically everyone who isn't a cishet white Christian male.

Trump won because of you, and now he's got the Senate - and quite possibly the House, too. You know what that means? Even more far-right "justices". Say goodbye to gay marriage - it was nice while it lasted. Oh, and don't kid yourself - there's no chance in hell he's keeping his promise to veto a national abortion ban. Even if he does, though, the Supreme Court will make it law for him.

Speaking of kidding yourselves, don't even try the "it's only four years" shit. The Supreme Court already took care of that - he's got total immunity for anything he does that's related to the "core powers of the office". I'm sure that he and his buddies can think of a way to ensure that, even if he can't stay President, we never see another Democratic POTUS.

Oh, and by the way: HE'S WORSE ON ISRAEL, YOU FUCKING MORONS. With Harris there was at least a chance to talk her out of supporting the genocide - with Trump, Gaza will be lucky not to be nuked. Say goodbye to Ukraine, too, since everyone knows Trump is in bed with Putin. Hell, Putin's probably already preparing a "justification" for continuing to march the Russian army westward.

I'd say that I hope the lower grocery prices was worth it, but he won't even do that - his tariffs will drive prices of everything through the fucking roof (on top of the greedy corporations who - spoiler alert - were the ones driving the recession in the first place, trying to recoup lost profits from COVID).

All of you. You all decided it was OK to gamble with other people's lives. Even if the gamble had worked out, you'd still have been horrible people for risking it - but it didn't work out, did it?

On behalf of those of us who will suffer because of your selfish choices, fucking thanks. I hope the ability to pat yourself on the back and say "well at least I didn't vote for someone who supports Israel" was worth the death, destruction, and suffering that he'll inevitably cause.

[harrisongslimited]

George Chapter of the Day. March 13, 2024

Greetings my dear tumblr and Beatles' families! Happy to announce I'm popping a foot into the fanfiction pool and seeing 👀 what happens. Your comments are more than welcome!!

All the important stuff:

Title: I Saw Her Standing There

Story Description: John, Paul, George and Ringo meet Joie Armagh, a strong willed American girl, who influences their lives more than they wanted.

Trigger Warnings: swearing, drinking, smoking, drug references, adult situations and behavior, M/F smut, fluff, falling in love, tense arguments, angst.

**18 only please***

**This is a work of fiction. As such, it should not be read as a factual account of events or as biography. While many characters of the story bear the names of actual people, they and their actions have been imagined by the author and should be considered products of the imagination. This story is fictional and the events did not happen. It is written and re-produced here online for the purposes of entertainment only.**

Author's Note: I've noticed many fanfics have a Starrison or a McLennon flair, but this story will be M/F interactions including smut. It's just how I see them! Now if you're under 18, just move yourself right along. As I'm not there to patrol over you, just be strong and pass this up. I had to wait to read adult material and so do you!

Thank you to gif artists and photo owners.

Phew! That's over....

She was across the room from him; he could barely see her without his thick, black rimmed glasses. He felt her. Felt her as if she were standing within inches of him. His skin was hot. The light brown hair on his arms came alive – his stomach grumbled with a feral intensity.

Chapter 1

There was something about her. Something, he figured, she didn't know about yet, something she didn't know how to use – yet – but it made John Winston Lennon rearrange his slumped body to a nearly half-attentive position.

John watched her as best he could without his glasses. He was nearly blind without them, but acknowledged only to himself that he was far too vain to wear them in public. Besides, if he had to see something that important, Paul, George or Ringo would alert him. But at this moment, they were too interested in their own orbits to notice much.

She was talking to someone. Someone he didn't know – which he didn't care much about. From her body language, he could tell it was tense. She ran a hand through her short, auburn hair, and he continued to watch as she pointedly aggravated the man she was talking to.

This, to John, was great entertainment.

She turned in John's direction, although he couldn't tell if she saw him or not. It was nice she wasn't straining to scope out a look at the four of them , like they were the side-show freaks they felt like – or make a mad dash for the table to try to touch him like he was some bloody good luck charm. He liked that. Maybe she didn't give a shit who they were. THAT, he nodded to himself, would be refreshing for a fucking change.

She was, however, very pissed off at the little runt who was running the audition and had he been asked, John would have agreed with her. The whole scene was outrageously idiotic, as were their whole lives now, but he had danced with the devil and this was payback time.

The little moron in charge, whom John was introduced to but couldn't have cared less about, was a highly paid ass-kisser with a slimy handshake and badly manipulated crew cut. John might have the appearance of someone who didn't give a shit, but he took in everything. Every person, every nuance, every sight and smell and sound. Nothing got past him, unless he wanted it to. And the little California-tanned wild bird was giving it to the little pisser and John couldn't take his eyes away from her. It made him jealous and angry and aroused that she could do what he wasn't allowed to.

Brian was about to intervene, as the pisser/wild bird barney was holding up the whole show. He wanted to tell Brian to leave her alone, that she was practically giving him a hand job from across the room, but he also had an immediate urge to get the hell out of this place. He didn't like the United States. Too much fucking sunshine and not a decent cup of tea within 10,000 miles. But, as was his current circumstance, money, the promise of women and fame had too much a hold on all four of them for anyone to say "piss off" and head back home to England. Because as sure as the sun rose in the east, if one went home, they'd ALL go home.

John watched as Brian interrupted the moron and the woman of his dreams. He threw an elbow into Paul's side to wordlessly alert him to the situation. Paul lifted up his brown eyes and tried to force a smile.

"Another one?"

"No man. Totally different. She's cutting that audition manager a new asshole."

"Good. Maybe we can get the fuck out of here. I'm beginning to think I made a wrong move when I chose a band over plumber's apprentice."

John looked at Paul. "You? A plumber? I'd pay to see your ass rooting out some loo in the low rent district."

"Piss off....," he answered. "So what's going on?"

John filled him in. Ringo and George were both still half asleep, cigarettes hanging off their lower lips. No one made any attempt to pay attention when their manager approached them.

"Get those bloody fags out of your mouths," Brian said to them. "You are all clean cut, working class boys from across the pond – and well paid to act your parts. So sit up and pay attention."

John made an obscene gesture. Ringo turned his back to him continuing to smoke and George leaned forward and gazed at Brian with his middle finger slowly working its way up to his temple.

Paul, ever the diplomat, made a valiant attempt to appear slightly more involved. "Look Brian, we aren't trying to make your life hell, but this is getting out of hand. We've spent 2 hours evaluating 200 girls who want to have a role in this movie. Really, it doesn't matter. We don't even know what the movie is about. Just have that little audition manager pick out the best of the bunch and send everyone on their way."

Brian sighed and pulled up a chair. John knew they were about to be lectured from the Brian Epstein Guide to Managing a Famous British Band. John wished he could order about a dozen Scotch and Cokes and call it a day.

"Boys," he started.

Ringo, George and John turned the switches off and began cruising down the avenues of their brains. Paul pretended to listen and caught the gist of the whole thing.

They were famous. Yes, he remembered that. There were politics involved in being famous. Yes, he remembered that. It was sometimes necessary to go through these things for the publicity. Yes, he remembered that.

"Just like a politician. You have to, figuratively speaking, kiss the babies and hug the old ladies. Half these girls are daughters of Hollywood big-wigs. We can't piss them off. We must pretend we are gentlemen."

"Thank God we've had lessons...." John piped in. "Now shut the hell up and tell me who that bird is."

"Who?"

"The one who is still going off on the audition manager."

Brian turned and jumped up. "Oh shit."

John sat totally upright for the first time all day as he saw her coming towards them at a determined gait. The audition manager followed her, mumbling.

Brian was about to intercept her when John looked at him sternly. "Back off, big man. Let her have her say."

If there was one thing Brian knew, it was when to absolutely listen to John. He could manipulate the other three on an individual basis, but John alone or the 4 of them enmasse, well, that was the ballgame. He let out a heavy breath.

John stood to watch her walk towards them. He had seen plenty of pretty girls since becoming famous. He had HAD plenty of pretty girls since becoming famous, but this pissed off bird was in a class by herself. She was nothing like the girls he normally went after – nothing like the birds of his own turf. He was, at this stage of his life, attracted to "bee-bees", Beautiful, Brainless and Sexy chicks who knew better than to open their mouths for anything except a blow-job. After a brief affair consisting of plenty of sex and perhaps a late night supper or two, maybe an autograph or an album, it was less of a problem to diplomatically dump a BB than it was a hometown girl or some mate's sister.

John had his exit line and delivered it with the precision of Olivier playing Hamlet. He could conjure up this little boy lost persona, with a pained "this is going to hurt me more than it is you" look and begin his speech. "I'm SOOO sorry, but I've realized that I really DO love my wife and I don't know how to thank you for helping me see the honest truth. I have to go back to her. Your unselfishness and honesty showed me what I must do. I know you'll understand. I can't tell you what you have done for me. I will never forget you (insert name or not). "

And it worked. 99% of the time. The other 1%, Brian took care of.

All at once, she was in front of them. Directly in between Paul and George. John shifted in his chair to look at her.

"Look, I know this is all fun and games, but it's 95 degrees out there in the hallway and girls are dropping like flies. There's no water, no air. C'mon---hasn't everyone had enough?"

Brian walked over to her and extended a courtly British hand. "I'm sorry Ms. but you will have to get back into line or leave the audition. You are causing a disruption."

The young woman looked at Brian then beseechingly at the four English lads that were sitting before her. John, for once in his life, was speechless.

Paul stood and faced her. "We didn't know..." was all he could muster. She was not amused. Not amused at all with any of them. George turned his eyes toward her and remained quiet.

"Well, now you do," she said without emotion, then sighed. "Look, I know you are the biggest things to come out of England since Earl Grey, but it's really hot out there. Can you put an end to this?"

George finally spoke. "What are you doing here?"

Her brown eyes flashed at him. "Does it matter? I'm just trying to get those other girls out of the heat."

"Why do you care?" John blurted out, his cigarette smoke exiting his mouth.

She sighed and was going to speak when Brian returned with a police officer and the audition manager.

"Hold off...." John eyed him.

The police officer stared at the woman for a minute before saying, "Joie?"

She looked at him and smiled. "Yes. It's me. I'm just trying to get those girls out of the heat, Mr. Watson. Or get them some water or something. I know they are all probably daughters of movie studios, but they are melting just the same."

Officer Watson turned to Brian. "I know this girl. She doesn't mean any harm. And after all, she has a point...."

John and Brian exchanged looks. Brian knew it well.

"We will get the girls out of the heat and move this along...." He answered properly.

"Thank you." Was all she said. And she turned to leave.

She didn't give a shit that they were the Beatles. She didn't give a shit if she got a bit part in their first movie. She just didn't give a shit about them. What she cared about was 90 remaining strangers, struggling in the heat.

John was enamored.

The audition manager was sweating profusely. He was too old for this shit. He had been around the greats---Barrymore, Hepburn, Gable. These punks from somewhere in England might make every girl wet her pants, but all they were was trouble to him.

Brian pulled him aside and a plan was made to move the line of girls along so they could get a look at the Lads from Liverpool and Brian would pick the 15 or so they needed in bit parts. The others would be given a ticket to the final concert in the film. All Brian knew for sure is that there was going to be a concert at the end. And 100 seats were to be occupied by the offspring of Hollywood elites. The other seats were to be auctioned off to fans through the fan club.

This is what he knew....as the screenwriter typed away, tucked safely back in London.

"Mal...." John groused at their assistant. "get her number....."

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: The Intermission (p. 1154-1357)

Read the previous post here.

Apologies for the late post. Work has genuinely been kicking my ass. But now it's time to read the Midnight Crew Intermission. You either really love or really hate this section of the story. I've always been a fan, so I'm looking forward to going through it.

The Intermission is more in-line with the spirit of Problem Sleuth than the rest of Homestuck. Hussie is returning to the old adventure game format and jokes, like this one where interacting with one item transforms it into a completely different item.

Despite being a bloodthirsty mobster, Slick is quite prone to acts of silliness when dictated by the reader commands.

I like how the digital clock on Slick's own computer counts as one of the clocks in the Felt's mansion.

I love the Felt. They're like a lineup of Dick Tracy goons. I also appreciate how this page gives subtle hints about what each of their powers are.

There are a number of times where a command to switch the POV to one character instead goes to a different character. I'm not sure if there's any logic here, or if Hussie is just being needlessly confusing in an already very elaborate part of the comic. My gut says the latter.

Doze without a doubt has the worst power out of all the Felt. It's only useful in this specific use case where he's resistant to interrogation, but that wouldn't even be needed if he wasn't getting captured all the time.

You know, "WARdrobe" was right there. I know Slick's inventory is already called the "War Chest", but is there even a pun there? Why not call it a "Battle Chest" like Battle Chess? They're living chess pieces. Come on.

Super speed is such a high tier power, yet Itchy is felled with no effort. It's kinda funny how most of the Felt have these incredible powers and could easily trounce the MC if not for the fact that they seem to collectively share one brain cell.

It makes me wonder if the MC and Felt's rivalry had only consisted of harmless cartoon antics up to this point. And it's only after the Felt "knocked over" one of Slick's favorite casinos that MC decided to escalate to murder. I'd compare it to how the '60s Batman TV show was campy slapstick, but modern Batman media has since transitioned to being much grittier and more violent.

I need a version of this comic page with Clover being shocked about Slick killing his friends.

Unlike the previous carapacians we've seen (WV, PM, AR), Slick has five fingers instead of four. I think he, Droog, and the Queens are the only ones with five fingers.

Meanwhile Deuce only has three chunky fingers. I'm not sure what the deal with that is.

A lot of people like to infantilize Deuce in the same way they do to WV. Here's a reminder that he reads erotic magazines just like the other Crew members.

See what I mean? He is a grown ass man, people.

Trace is my favorite Felt member. I like his goofy underbite and the way his coat collar makes it look like he has a shark fin on his head. His power of seeing and interacting with people in the past is also pretty cool, even if it gives him away as soon as he starts messing with them.

It's a nice detail including Deuce in the panel since Droog had alerted him to where Trace will be at this point in the future.

I love this panel. I believe Hussie just grabbed that image of the cane without realizing what it was until this point.

It's telling that the only timeline where Slick is dead is one where he died before he was able to rebuild society.

This might be a contender for the horniest page in all of Homestuck.

Biscuits has no special powers or anything, he just wants to be included. I love that.

Fin, despite having the power to see what others do in the future, was unable to react to Droog smacking him with the cue stick and getting pumped with bullets. Again, these guys are all morons.

Remember when this was the only clue we had about Lord English's appearance and everyone thought he was going to be some tall, rail-thin Tumblr Sexyman? Good times.

I'm a fan of this detached method of writing how the characters talk to each other. There's a lot of personality being conveyed in what they're saying even though none of it is being presented as dialogue. Unironically it feels more natural to read than the standard dialogue box format.

Snowman can do whatever the hell she wants and all anyone else can do is just watch. The benefits of having your lifespan inextricably linked to that of the universe.

Also, I don't think it needs to be said, but "Three in the Morning" is a god tier track.

Nearly every mention of Sawbuck comes with a jab about his weight. Don't come at me with asks saying that it's just Slick being an asshole. We all know whose "voice" this really is. (Hint: It's the guy with all the fat jokes on his Formspring).

I wonder how many people remember that Slick is a canon zoophile.

Slick's "rapier wit" strikes again!

A strong contender for most gruesome death in all of Homestuck.

So does this mean that it's set to go off a few seconds after the point Biscuits would exit the oven? If the oven behaves normally and Biscuits is just sitting in there until the timer goes off, that must be the case. The wording is very awkward though.

Cans's ability to punch people into the future might make him the most powerful of all the Felt. No wonder the MC was hoping he wouldn't show up.

I like that the detail about the shopping trip is included.

It's noteworthy that this early look at Karkat's room doesn't look anything at all like how it appears when he's properly introduced. Also, this is the sole appearance of Crabsprite, which stings a bit since we don't ever get a proper glimpse of what Karkat's relationship with his lusus is like.

This was a fun little diversion. Not a lot to talk about here other than how much I enjoyed a lot of these gags. I kind of wish that Hussie expanded upon this and made a whole adventure with these guys detached from Homestuck. It would've made for a nice follow-up to Problem Sleuth, something more true to that story's tone and humor.

But that would never come to pass, unfortunately. Now it's back to business as usual. Act 4 awaits.

Read the next post here.

[usafphantom2]

SAC Crew Dogs: B-52G Training Folly

This isn’t a boom operator story; this is a somewhat funny story about how sometimes the bureaucracy makes crazy decisions. It probably has something to do with how New Commanders Can’t Do Anything too. This story is also about the mighty Big Ugly Fat F*cker, the BUFF, the B-52G. I must state here in the beginning, I’m no expert. I’ve never even flown on a B-52 (tried to, but never got the opportunity), but the single gunners lived in our hallway in the dorms, and I was friendly with a couple of them, and they’d tell us stories. They were Crew Dogs too… and SAC Trained Killers.

At Loring, our B-52s were G models which were configured for conventional bombing and it’s the reason our BUFFs didn’t pull Alert. They couldn’t carry nukes, but they had a whole host of conventional missions they could fly, including low level bombing.

Some geniuses with the brass decided they wanted to be able to watch the BUFFs drop their training bombs without having to drive to wherever the bombing range was, so they setup a target area on the far side of the runway.

Let me tell you, there is nothing more impressive, or scarier than seeing a B-52 screaming along at around 300 feet above the ground traveling at, what looked to be, about 400 knots dropping a small cement bomblet on the airport. Not sure how heavy those bomblets where, but I’d guess around a few hundred pounds, maybe lighter (if you know, let me know and I’ll update the story.)

But at the same time, we were like, “What a bunch of morons, what idiot came up with that idea?” And it didn’t take long to prove what a bad idea it was.

One day a B-52 came scream along, dropped its bomblet, and it got hung up. The crew, aware of the malfunction, quickly closed the bomb bay doors as they were passing along the end of the runway, but unfortunately, they were just a tad slow. The bomb released, and pushed its way through the closing doors just as the aircraft was passing over the base’s perimeter fence.

There was a nice pizza place outside the East Gate, maybe a ½ mile down the road called the Rendezvous. We used to go there often. Well, some poor bloke, just trying to get some lunch, had the unfortunate experience of having a bomblet land on his car. Fortunately, no one was hurt or worse.

Needless to say, we didn’t see our B-52s screaming around at 300 feet and 400 knots anymore.

@tcamp202 via X

[irenewsky]

My experience watching 9-1-1, or alternatively, my slow descent into madness.

Made the decision to watch all of 9-1-1 from the beginning since I’ve only ever watched episodes of it here and there when my mom was watching it. So, I thought it would be fun to document the experience.

Spoiler alert, my favourite characters in this show are Buck and Eddie. Expect a lot of text about them. Also, they only have seasons 1-6 available in my country and the 7th is only now being shown on tv so… no seasons 7 or 8 in this one.

Here we have it. Prepare yourselves, long as fuck post incoming. And spoilers, obviously.

Season 1

Oh, Abby. Right. You were a character in this show. I forgot that you existed.

OMFG CHIMNEY HAD AN IRON REBAR GO THROUGH IS HEAD??????!!? I did not remember this

HEN NOOOO DON’T CHEAT ON YOUR FUCKING WIFE

”You can always ask for help if you need it” *bobby nods* ”help” istg that had me in tears

”I killed my family” the hot pastor and I had the exact same look of shock on our faces.

Rip abbys mom ig

Early season 1 Buck and Seasons 7-8 Buck are like night and day

Season 2 (took me through the wringer)

It’s somehow very funny to watch how Buck is trying to be a little stand-offish toward Eddie as is they aren’t gonna become the bestest of friends.

The fucking insane move to introduce Eddie to us by making other characters point out how beautiful he is, showing him changing clothes and having Whatta Man play in the background. Oh and then have Buck act like a jealous brat pulling on Eddie’s methaphorical pigtails

Nothing as bonding as removing an active bomb from a man’s leg 🤝

Urgh this Taylor Kelly girl pisses me off. She probably has her reasons for being the way she is but right now, at this very moment, she’s giving me hives

Bobby doesn’t like her either! My man! 🙌🏻

Aaaand now I’m crying over an elderly gay couple. Like actually, properly sobbing. They stayed together, even death didn’t do them apart 😭

TOMMY?!? He was introduced to us in season 2 (Hen’s episode)??!

The old chief Gerrard was an asshole. A true piece of shit.

They called each other ’brother’ exactly one (1) time and it both sounded and felt so wrong I'd be glad if that never happened again

”You two have an adorable son” no way she just said that. bless you santa’s elf. And buck didn’t even have the heart to deny it

NO WAY DOUG WAS THE MAN WHO CHIMNEY MET AT THE MOVIE RENTAL! FUCK!

NO CHIMNEY STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT MADDIE! HE’S HER ABUSIVE EX

NO NO NONONONONO CHIMNEY HE’S BEHIND YOU NOOO CHIMNEY FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

Ah, the asshole chief is back

I feel bad for Howard. Seasons 1 and 2 really have made life kick his ass

Tommy. My dude. What the fuck. ”If I ever even thought about you, I probably wouldn’t [like you]” like damn, okay

Chimney just can’t catch a break huh

I really, really, really hate guns. Truly one of the worst inventions ever

”Guess I’m a man in a uniform too, huh” is that uniform a turd shaped costume?

IN THE FACE?! WITH A FIRE POKER?! Let’s goooo Maddie

Holy shit Maddie. That’s…. Wow

Bobby: *gets suspended and tried to plan a wedding* also bobby: *becomes an agony aunt to 118 crew*

This bomber kid is a fucking idiot! It’s not the 118’s or Bobby’s fault that his dad is a moron

Rip Buck’s leg. Also, the people were so quick to go and help lift the entire fire engine off buck’s leg. Humanity and compassion win again.

Season 3

christopher and buck being besties! This is what I’ve been waiting for 🗣️

Buck? Shit. BUCK!

Blood clots???? Aw man that’s not good

”You could have died” ”but I didn’t” this show in a nutshell

Is this the ”life kicking Buck’s ass” season?

Wait. Wasn’t there a real life case where a woman cut a baby out of another woman because she had been lying to her husband about being pregnant? Or am i tripping?

Uncle Buck! Uncle Buck!

Sidenote: how is Buck able to afford this nice ass loft apartment with a firefighter salary? Granted, I have no idea what the salary is for a LA firefighters but I imagine it’s not much.

Hold up. Is this… is this the tsunami episode..? It is. Oh no.

You’re gonna amputate the man’s arm??? I feel sick. I hate things like this. Nah, I can’t. I gotta skip this.

”Buck… There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you” stoopppppp that’s so sweet

Ah yes, this is 9-1-1, a show where Evan ’Buck’ Buckley is always going through it. If you think you’re having a bad day, then rest assured, Buck is always having a worse one.

Not Buck and Eddie arguing in the grocery store like they're a married couple going through a nasty divorce and a custody battle

Buck, respectfully, the decision to sue the city and the fire department was and is a stupid ass decision. Bobby was right about you being a liability for the time being because if you got seriously hurt on job then you being on bloodthinners is gonna make things risky.

Good, the besties are talking again. Don’t stress me out here, Eddie and Buck.

Sooo when are you going to tell your bff about the illegal fighting ring you’ve been attending, Eddie? 🤨 and that you needed to be bailed out of jail? and that you wanted him to do that and were angry and bitter that you couldn't call him?

Bobby did ice skating? Not the kind of lore drop I expected but pop off king

Oh I love the relationship between Buck and Eddie

”Hey Buck, can I spend christmas with you?” Chris, buddy, you’re breaking my heart here.

Buck randomly throwing out fun facts is something that can be so important to me

2012 called. It wants its song back (Phillip Phillips? In 2024? I say)

”i guess there really is no honor among thieves” A SLY COOPER REFERENCE?!

EDDIE YOU CUT THE FCKN LINE?!

Buck digging up the ground and screaming Eddie’s name will never not hurt to watch

Eddie to his dad: ”you don’t get to make up for lost time with your children by stealing mine” *stares hard at season 8*

Buck feeling lonely and having a fear that everyone he’s ever loved has left and is gonna leave him… that, uh, that’s too relatable buddy

Buck has such a big heart and so much love to give. He deserves every ounce of happiness there is

Ain’t no way Abby ghosted Buck and then had the audacity to show up again but this time engaged to another man. Immediately no.

Also a long sidenote that I’m leaving here because I think this happens around seasons 3-4 of 911 canon timeline: I started watching 911 Lone Star after catching up with season 7 and the collab episode in season 2? I can’t believe TK thought Buck was (maybe) asking him out. Buck wasn’t even aware of his bisexuality at that time so my question is: just how much chaotic bisexual energy has this man been unknowingly radiating? And how did a firefighter from Texas, who by all means was a stranger until now, clock that so fast? Also! The fact that Eddie doesn’t really use social media (relatable king) but has posted pics about Chris and Buck there. And ofc, Hen being an actual badass once again! AND ALSO I’m never gonna forgive this show for never showing us the visit Eddie, Buck and Hen made to see Eddie’s family in El Paso. I feel robbed.

Season 4 (my bias for Buck is on full blast during this season (as if that wasn’t case in last season, too, or the upcoming ones))

I’m happy for Maddie and Chimney, but everything related to pregnancy makes me really uncomfortable

Happy that Buck’s finally going to theraphy. Also Copeland is a funny ass name for a therapist

Not Bobby lifting the robot vacuum out like it’s a misbehaving dog lmaoooo

If I remember correctly, there was a deep dark Buckley family secret buried somewhere there

*Eddie throwing out a fun fact* ”I can know weird stuff too” you’ve spent a lot of time with Buck huh

Hildy - Eddie’s new arch enemy

The fact they didn’t make a baby box for Buck is fucked up. Truly shows how little they care for him. Also, the fact all of the family has been lying to him for decades!

Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to get another child to save your other sick kid and then not love and care for the kid that you brought into this world after the other one dies???? Fucked up. It’s no wonder Buck feels unloved, invisible, and unworthy of anything good, when this is the kind of shit he had to grow up in the shadows of.

And the fact that he felt like he had to get hurt or do something reckless to get at least little attention??

I look at younger Buck and all I feel is this intense big sis instinct kick in

Not Bobby and Michael stalking the next building neighbour and his suspicious trash lmao

The vibes I’m getting from Ana Flores… I don’t know how to feel about them. She might be cool but rn idk

You’re telling Chris about Ana already? Isn’t it a bit too soon? You’re not even sure if this relationship will go anywhere, let alone last. Chris certainly didn’t seem too happy about to hear about it

Chris ran to Buck?? That’s so sweet. He just needed a friend, someone to talk to.

Oh thank god the pregnancy plotline is done. I don’t have to feel uncomfy anymore

Buck is so popular with the kids 😭 love that for him

How is Taylor not interested in Buck’s random facts?? That’s one of the things I like about him. I love it when people have their own points interests and are enthusiastic about them.

Oh yeah the police chief from the Grimm is a police in this one too. What a type cast lol

Nooo, mom and dad are fighting 😭 (athena and bobby)

EDDIE HOLY SHIT HE GOT SHOT NO NONONONONO!

And the way Buck and him just looked at each other for a moment. The sounds around them becoming muted, ears ringing, disbelief evident. 

I just realized… Buck crawled under the fire engine… despite being crushed by one in the past. The adrenaline kicked in real hard.

GET HIM BUCK! GO GO GO GO GO

”Are you hurt?” It’s very sweet of you to be worried about Buck but now is not the time eddie

”I need you to hang on” he’s begging. Buck is begging for eddie to fight. I’m crumbling in pieces.

Oh buck, he is barely holding himself together. He’s shaking like a leaf.

Well, Buck, you’re now Chris’ guardian for the time being

Not Buck just breaking down in tears 😭 you’re gonna make me cry too

I think I’ve cracked to code for why I don’t really enjoy Taylor. It’s bc I like her more as Buck’s friend than I do as his love interest. like, she's cool and ambitious and it would be great to see more of her outside of this relationship

”Still. I think it might have been better for him [Christopher] if I was the one who got shot” boy what the actual hell are you saying. As if Eddie would ever agree with that

FUCK! NOT BOBBY TOO! SHIT

You made Buck Christopher’s legal guardian should the unthinkable happen to you? I was half joking when I said Buck was his guardian for the time being but okay. ALSO, you did that 2 years ago, meaning you two had known each other less than two years at that point. If that doesn’t demonstrate the level of love and trust then I don’t know what does

...This will scene is going to haunt my every waking thought and my every dream from this moment onward, isn’t it

Also, the way Eddie hates the thought of Chris going to his parents because ”it’s not what I wanted then. It’s not what I want now”. Oh season 4 eddie, you’ll hate to see seasons 7 and 8 coming

”But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him” shut up omg. You two istg. 

Season 5 (*phew* what a season):

eddie? I think it’s normal to get panic attacks over getting shot. But it is kinda sus that the attack hit the moment the sales associate thought Ana was Chris’ mom

This piece of shit Jeffrey has such a punchable face.

I should add Eddie to the group of ”always having a worse day than you.” Buck’s there already so he at least has company

Ah yes, a panic attack. Totally normal reaction to having your girlfriend be confused for your wife (please talk to someone Eddie)

”He takes Christopher there [the zoo] all the time. Has the place memorized” i hate you two so much (affectionate)

Sometimes the music choices are too spot on lmao i love it

Yeah, maybe breaking up with Ana is the better choice here all around

Buck and Chimney can now form a new group called ”victims of Maddie just up and leaving when they needed her and when it was clear she herself needed help” …it’s a very exclusive group

Claudette needs to grab a piece of humble pie real quick. Her holier-than-thou attitude is not it (she pisses me off)

”There’s no shame in asking for help” May didn’t ask tho??? jesus fucking christ Claudette. Let. Her. Do. Her. Job.

Oh look, it’s Lucifer - locked up, planning to escape and make people’s lives a living hell (yes, this is a Supernatural reference. Yes, I think I’m hilarious)

The universe is not gonna give Buck and Eddie a break, is it? A hostage situtation? Really? Starting to sound like an average Tuesday for these two

The way Buck screamed Eddie’s name after thinking he got shot again 😭😭

Buck, that burnt orange colour looks so good on you. Really brings out the blueness of your eyes 👌🏻👌🏻

Ain’t no way this show is still edging me with the back story to Chimney’s nickname. It’s been five whole seasons.

I kinda love having the Grimm cop in this show too. Don’t ask me why bc idk

Oh how I wish this proposal goes well for Micha- HOLY SHIT AN EXPLOSION

Actually obsessed with Buck and his floral patterned dishwashing gloves (I love this dorky trivia-dumper so much)

Buck having to listen to stories about his dad’s (bobby) sex life. Scarred for life.

Christopher’s just as particular about decorating the christmas tree as I am

Ah yes, every girl’s dream christmas gift: a portable generator

YOU’RE LEAVING THE 118?! Eddie! You’re just gonna leave everyone? Leave your partner??

Oh Eddie’s gonna be absolutely miserable. That man is not made for a boring and steady 9 to 5 desk job

I feel like I’ve neglected to show my love and appreciation for Bobby so here it is. I love Bobby. Best team dad

Okay Buck, what happened to staying loving and loyal to your girlfriend??

Not both Eddie and Buck digging holes deep enough to reach Australia for themselves… these two I swear

*sighs* fine, I’ll add Maddie to the list of ”always having a worse day than you”

The Buckley siblings have it rough man

Eddie’s struggling as well. Glad he’s going to theraphy.

Okay, I’ll admit. Taylor has started to grow on me. I still don’t like how she was ready to use Bobby’s addiction and grief to get a newsworthy piece but she does seem to like Buck and she doesn’t deserve to get cheated on, even if it was ”just” a kiss that ”didn’t mean anything”

What in the Magnus Archives episode 16 is this. The dude’s buried in spiders and web.

Chris is lucky he has a working Macbook. Mine would end its puny existence if I even tried to play a game more taxing than ”A Date with Death” on it

The fact that Chris called Buck when he was scared and knew his dad needed help 😭 there’s so much trust in that boy’s heart towards Buck

Eddie and Buck really have seen each other at their best and at their lowest

The heart to heart convos between Eddie and Buck are what I live for

Buck truly goes over and beyond for Eddie and Chris. I mean, introducing them to Carla even though Eddie didn’t ask him to, taking Chris and Eddie to equine theraphy because he thought it might be fun for Chris and to make Eddie see how his actions helped Charlie, being always ready take Chris to school if needed… He is such a good man 🥺

Like, I look at those two and all I can think of is that one Grey’s Anatomy quote ”you’re my person. You will always be my person”. I’m going fucking feral (if you haven’t noticed already)

Also, shoutout to the tumblr user who pointed out that Eddie told Chris that he was just happy to silently listen to his late wife yap… and now Eddie listens to Buck’s in depth ramblings about things he’s done a wikipedia deep dive into… the parallel… i’m unwell.

God, I love Karen and Hen. Let’s go lesbian’s let’s go

Claudette’s still testing me. That condescending attitude is driving me nuts.

Buck was so shaken by the reality that he could have actually lost Bobby who is, for all intents and purposes, his only real father figure 😭

WAIT CLAUDETTE DIED?! I didn’t like her but I also didn’t want her to die!

Wait. Wait wait wait. Did mr. Monday kill her???

Saw a post saying that Hen and Chim match each other’s freak perfectly and I can do nothing but 100% agree

Why are you two so domestic!!? 🗣️🗣️🗣️

Who the FUCK tells their 10 year old son to man up and be the man of the house?????? That’s a child!! Man, both Eddie’s and Buck’s parents are fucked up

Buck being the first to end the relationship?? Therapy and boundaries look good on you, my man

Eddie, oh my darling Eddie. You have NO idea how good of a timing you had with that visit to see Bobby. Oh my god.

Season 6

New season, same old domesticity. Cooking for Eddie and Chris, joking about exes, just having grand old time together… god I love this trio

Aww Buck is so desperate to make a good impression so that Bobby would choose him to be the vice-captain while he’s away. Kinda cute, but also a little embarrassing ngl

Okay, why is Eddie pouring coffee actually one of the most attractive things I’ve seen in this show??? My aroace self is actually a little shocked. I don’t know why that specifically got to me lmaooo (ryan guzman, you are one beautiful man) (S6 ep. 1 at 31:52)

Oh, Hen, you’re stretching yourself way too thin

Hold up. Ain’t no way that the little girl, who went missing when Athena was a child, has been buried underneath their house this entire time

Buck becoming a sperm donor wasn’t the kind of storyline I was expecting from him this season but okay sure I guess 🧐

I want to ride my bi-cy-cle 🗣️🚴🎶

Hen and Buck, drunk as skunks, listening to their friends resuscitate an overdosed dog - my heaven, I love this show

Trouble in the Diaz household. It ain’t easy being a parent to a pre-teen

Why am I stressed about Hen’s test re-do 😭 guess you can leave higher education but the higher education stress does not leave you

Not Chim wingmaning Hen and Karen together. A true bestie

The gods of Pompeii might actually hate you girlie pop (or maybe it’s just a greedy man and your assistant)

”Four weeks of abstinence” ”it’s starting to sound like a whole another type of emergency” *laughs in asexual*

Eddie ”i’ll believe it when I see it” Diaz

Connor and his wife: ”I hope we didn’t make this awkward for you” well, if I was Buck I would be praying for the ground to swallow me so no, not awkward at all

BEES 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Unle Buck 🥺 he loves Jee so much

The little onesie for Connor and his wife’s baby 😭 oh buck the man that you are

Dry thunderstorm… this can’t be going towards what think it is…

It’s weird to hear Chimney call Buck ’Evan’

Chim’s dad: ”a man cannot raise a child fathered by another man, it’s unnatural” well that’s a stupid ass opinion

You know the opinion was shitty when even the Buckley parent’s are ready to defend their son

Buck getting hit by lightning. Eddie screaming Buck’s name. Yelling at Buck to talk to him. I’m unwell

Was that Eddie doing compressions on Buck??? 😭

”We’ll do our best” ”do more!” Oh. Oh my heart

The fact that Buck’s in-another-life fantasy is about him having a loving and caring family 😭😭😭 Sucks that Doug is there and that bobby’s dead. AND Eddie doesn’t have custody of Chris??? yeah, scratch everything I said. This is a nightmare.

Eddie can barely look at Buck and is crying as Chris talks to him 😭 i’m unconsolable

Buck, 911 Lone Star S2 ep. 3: ”my captain is not my dad but might as well be.” May: ”Mom brought two kids into this marriage. And you brought one” bobby and Buck’s father-son relationship is actually something that is so important to me 🥹

Aww Buck ran to Eddie’s place to get away from his many visitors. His safe place

Yeah, Buck seems to be at least okay with how things are with his parents currently, but me? I don’t forgive and forget that easily. They should be groveling at Buck’s feet, begging for forgiveness.

Math wizard Buck!

Eddie looks SO good in that turtleneck and blue suit 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 exquisite. Maroon velvet suit looks fantastic on Buck, too.

No way Eddie brought Buck to a secret poker den

”3 minutes and 17 seconds” You counted the time Buck was dead down to the exact seconds???? Oh, eddie. I mean, if my person, my soulmate, died then I too would have counted

Human calculator Buck and his biggest hype man Eddie

Tía Pepa setting Eddie up for a blind date… I wish I could say I don’t relate to his frustration, but unfortunately I do. The talking to that I gave to my aunt… oh I was positively livid.

Ravi Panikkar my boy hello, long time no see

I swear to god, Eddie is so demisexual and/or demiromantic coded it’s not even funny. Eddie, I’m gonna gently hold your hands as I tell you little something about aro and ace spectrums

Eddie shouldn’t be forced to date if he doesn’t want to. I mean, compulsory heterosexuality and amatonormativity are shitty as fuck. I would know!

And so the saga of ”Eddie being pressured into finding someone to date” continues… poor dude (I hate that I can relate)

Very wedding and relationship heavy, these last few episodes

Hello Natalia. Bye Natalia. (is it weird that I actually have this certain fondness for her after reading a pic that started as Buck/Natalia and Eddie/Marisol and ended with Buck/Eddie and Natalia/Marisol? Such a good fic)

Omg no, Ravi is a landlord

Oh right this was Marisol

Omg no. No no no no no. Eddie’s in the van!! He's being crushed!

”i’m fine” eddie, you have multiple broken ribs. You are NOT fine

To be fair, Kameron did herself a solid by going to stay with Buck because at least he’s trained to help with this whole giving birth thing. Also, it is not lost on me that he’s helping her give birth to a child he kinda helped to bring into existence. Poetic cinema. A full goddamn circle.

My god SOMEONE give this man a child

Also, you might have to burn your couch Buck. Sorry.

Okay, Marisol seems really nice (too bad I already know everything that’s gonna go down in this relationship (love you tumblr). It ain’t gonna be pretty)

[thelittleghoul]

Hi there. It's always nice to see more people in the agere tag. I wanted to ask if you would be able to write a story with 2007 tmnt Raph and Mikey. Raph comes back from patrol and is very injured so Mikey tries to patch him up and Raph ends up regressing. Please and thank you

Hi!! So I don’t know how to write for 2007 I haven’t watched the movie BUT!!! I can make it non specific to a certain tmnt show/movie!! Love the idea btw 🩷🩷

Mikey helping an age regressed Raph

Notes: non specific tmnt version, age regression, oneshot, Mikey and Raph only, no x reader, fluff, tiny bit of angst at the start

CW: Injury, medical supplies, slight cussing

Rain was crashing down in New York City, the sun had already fallen and danger was sure to arise in the late hours. Mikey had chosen to stay in the layer for the night since there was no alerts of any serious danger (yet) and the other three brothers were confident in there abilities to take on this nights patrol without him. Mikey was sat reading comic books in the main living area when Donnie’s sensor went off that someone was entering the layer, Mikey sat up thinking he’d see his brothers walking back in soaking wet from the cold rain but to his surprise and dismay, he saw a a limping and cut up Raphael.

“Woah dude what happened to you out there?!” Mikey said rushing to get Raph off his feet on onto the couch. “Ambushed by the foot clan. We were stopping a robbery and they came out of nowhere, guess we were too loud beating up those morons huh?.” Raph said slightly chuckling at his joke but quickly wincing in pain instead. “Yea I bet you guys were bad ass.”

Mikey was Donnie’s second in command for medical in the family although he can be dense, he has a big heart for his brothers which is a important factor for taking care of people even if it’s just physically and Donnie knows that. With wanting to care for his brothers (and having Donnie’s printed manual) he was actually a pretty good nurse in the family. While Raph sunk into the couch for comfort, Mikey brought over the first aid kit pulling up a chair to start his work.

“Leo and Donnie are-“ “There fine. I was tying up one of the robbers outside while Leo and Donnie were in the building, the foot clan came out from one of the alleyways and jumped me.” Mikey took out the rubbing alcohol and cotton balls his thoughts clumped up with worry and melancholy. “Don’t panic dude I can work miracles, call me doctor do it right.” Raph rolled his eyes “How about I call you doctor dumbass?” “Not cool man.”

“Good news you’re not gonna die.” Mikey said in a chirpy voice. A short time passed of cleaning and patching wounds which helped Mikey’s distressing thoughts settle down. He locked up the first aid kit getting ready to put it back into its rightful place untill he heard Raph softly say.

“…tank you”

Mikey looked back at Raph questioning his word choice to see the man in red playing with the ends of his bandana. “Finally I get a little apprecia- OHHHHH.” Mikey quickly stored the first aid kit and grabbed a blanket for Raphs bed. He also snatched one of his fidget toys from his bedroom drawer. He headed to the tiny Raph laying the blanket ontop of him and placing the soft toy into his hands. His eyes lit up as he brushed his fingers on the soothing texture and babbled in glee. Mikey moved the chair closer to him grabbing one of his comic books that was lying on the ground. “Want a bed time story little dude?” “…mhmm.” Raph muffled tucking himself into the covers. “One Spider Man comic coming right up tiny bro!” Mikey started flipping to the first page but before he could start reading Raph stook his hand out to stop him.

“You a good bwother.”

“You too little guy,” he smiled and began to read the first page.

[avatar-saiki]

Levi's Morning Routine

*Short Fic inspired by: Morning Routine (indented sections are texts)

He woke up and climbed out of the tub, yawning the aches and pains of another late night gaming session. Stupid noobs ruining the game. Why did so many plebs think they could play competitive when they barely knew the rules? And who the hell plays tank if they couldn’t find the sense to LOOK AROUND at the other team shooting them in the back of the head??

There was only so much he could do. He hated playing team based games for this very reason. 

He walked over to Henry’s tank, greeting him good morning and pushed the button on the wall to dispense Devifish food flakes. Henry zoomed to the water’s surface, eagerly devouring every morsel.  It must be so nice to have food fall from above. Henry never had to leave his tank or brave the real world and all its cruelties for a refill.  Ah well, at least with the powers of Akuzon and priority shipping he barely had to leave either. He left Henry to enjoy his breakfast and grabbed a Ruri-Chan branded energy drink from his mini fridge before settling down at his computer to check his favorite fan sites and forums. None of his alerts for new merch went off during the night, and that was a little disappointing but at least he didn’t miss anything. He cracked open the can and took a sip, logging into his servers and rolling his eyes.  Kick. Kick. Ban for three days. Ban for life. Kick. Mute. 

“So many idiots lately,” he muttered into the can, wrinkling his nose as he scrolled through an argument he’d missed while sleeping. He-

“Did they even read chapter 347 or are they too stupid to grasp that Ruri-Chan had to leave Azuki-tan behind or else they’d both be screwed?? Obviously she’ll return to save them!”

He started typing without reading the rest, then thought better of it and deleted it. He didn’t need morons like this in his server. 

Just kick them both.

  He glanced at the clock, somewhere around 6 AM, his family still long asleep. Alright, then. 

He laced his fingers and stretched his wrists. Time to make some noobs cry.  Hours passed and Lucifer knocked on the door, scaring him half to death just to remind him breakfast was ready. He scoffed and reached for another energy drink. No way in hell was he giving up now, he was in the zone. 

That was, at least, until his DDD rang.  His DDD almost never rang anymore, he’d muted so many notifications. Except for…

Good morning, Levi!

His heart fluttered and he felt his cheeks warm. 

Every morning.

You always sent him a message. 

Every morning. 

Morning. Will you be at breakfast today? I saved you a seat! Yeah I just need to finish a game real quick and then I’ll be down. Awesome! See you in a bit!  

He felt himself smile, staring at your chat icon. Sounded like you were pretty excited to see him today….

The timeout alert blared, kicking him from the game for inactivity and he groaned.  “When did I become such a normie?”

[doctorstrangereview]

Strange Tales #133

Cover Date: June 1965 On-Sale Date: March 11, 1965

Doc gets some good cover real estate this month and is even first, occupying the left third. It's a Kirby original based on the story inside. Kirby's interpretation of Strange is improving, but still a little bit off. The other exciting thing is that there are not one, but two women on the cover! For a series that barely acknowledges the existence of women, we get two in major roles! We had to journey to another universe for this to happen. Yes, this is one of the side trips in this story arc.

Our splash page shows Doc's silhouette in white against an unknow background vaguely reminiscent of the dimension Mordo sent Doc's house back in issue #117. Moving back to Mordo, staying the Ancient One's pad rent free, he is talking with Dormammu on the floaty, smoky TV. Mordo believes he's destroyed Doc, by Dormie corrects him. "No, you idiot. He skedaddled outta there. Are you so stupid you couldn't sense it?" says Dormie. "You gotta charge me up so I can follow him," replies Mordo. "Are you still being a moron? There are infinite dimensions. We'll have to wait for him to show up again."

Nearby, Clea is apparently listening in on all this. Looks like Earth isn't the only place where magical beings can't be bothered with security. Clea frets for a bit, but has no ideas, and these panels just fill the rest of the page without moving the plot forward.

Back to Doc. He's turned into a big, black marble that is bursting through some very wet dimensional barriers on his journey. They do look very cool!

Eventually, Doc's spell runs out of steam and he winds up... somewhere. By an amazing coincidence, he reforms right near an important character to this story. The character is so important, neither Ditko, nor Lee bothered to name her. Stranger danger lady warns Doc to go back whence he came. She succinctly explains that her mad sister has stolen her throne and will kill any strangers. While Queen-in-exile remains nameless, her evil usurper, we discover, is named Shazana. While the two banter, one of Shazana's guards capture the two of them.

Doc is brought before her and attempts some friendliness. Shazana's having none of it! "My sister brought you here. Just a moment while I conjure a spell to kill the both of you!" Doc manages a counter-spell which alerts Shazana to the fact that he is also a magician. Shazana tries again and Doc fends it off but is too weak for anything else. "Maybe she'll think I'm always this useless" Doc thinks to himself. For some never explained reason, Shazana doesn't try again to kill them.

Shazana then realizes her sister is a weak little pain in her butt and send her to her room. Doc conjures a distraction to give him some time to rest and regain some strength. The distraction arrives in the form of a Shazana toady telling her she needs to accept tribute. "I'll be back, stranger, and then you'll see!" Shazana leaves. Doc is still to weak for just about everything, including going ghost, so he has no choice to wait as a weird creature looks in on him.

We have a brief interlude at the Ancient One's secret cave where Hamir, his retainer, is busy retaining him. The old dude continues to babble on about helping Doc. The keyword "Eternity" is absent this chapter.

Back across the infinite dimensions, Doc has encountered the weird little creature when he has an idea. "This odd little dude hangs around Shazana a lot. I'll bet it knows something," and proceeds to probe it's mind. I'm not sure if these creatures can give consent and therefore the morality of this action is unknown to me.

We get a nice, terse origin for Shazana. She enticed a magician to teach her magic, killed him and stole the throne. Her power all comes from a glowing globed hidden in the funky looking throne in the funky throne room.

Doc then sends an image of his all-purpose amulet's eye to the unnamed sister and tells her to meet him in the throne room.

More mystic TV! How awesome!

Doc and the nameless one wait for Shazana to finish banishing the tributaries for insufficient tribute. She heads out to taunt her captives and finds them gone. "Oh Crap! My magic globe!" She heads back, but Doc has used the time to start blasting the funky throne with his amulet. The throne fades away revealing the globe. Doc shatters it, making Shazana powerless. Unnamed lady reclaims her throne as her sister is driven mad. Doc heads back home. Best of luck Nameless Majesty, long may you reign.

It's silly and the plot isn't very original, but it's a nice diversion from the main arc. In many ways it's a traditional fairy tale. If we look at our women, the good girl is a blond while the evil one is a brunette. I don't know if that's intentional. They are dressed similarly with odd headgear. The deposed queen has an extra tress of hair sticking out the top of her head. Perhaps that denotes her higher rank. Shazana is dressed in green. I'm not sure if it's Ditko or the colorist, but they do like green for their villains. Onward!

[phantomenby]

Happy Valentines <3

This is ass, but happy valentines day guys!!

He had been watching you all day, much longer than he usually would, but since it had been over a month since his last sighting the local police had become much more lax.

Your small home was conveniently on the border of the largest forest in your county, even more convenient for him was that you rarely had anyone round.

This was his first attempt at contact.

A small box of sweet chocolate-covered fruit he had stolen from someone's house just up the road, the scent of the berried almost made him devour them then and there but he knew they could be better used wooing you.

They were on your back porch, sitting pretty on the swing seat you always lounged on when it was sunny. Unbeknownst to you he had spent nearly every day out there with you, gazing as your soft skin hungrily and imagining what he would do if he got close to you.

By four pm he could hear the bus stopping not far from your house, the sound followed by your trainers hitting the ground as you began the short trek.

Michael moved through the trees to meet you half way, eyes rolling down to see the slight drag of your left leg, noting how you kept your cane under your arm and opted to walk with slight irritation.

He would find out what had set you off, and would deal with it like he always did.

The last incident regarding someone upsetting you was how he got spotted by some moronic neighbour of the woman he killed, he'd have dealt with them too if it was so close to the center of town,

You moved quickly into the house, still not noticing Michael as he resumed his original position in the tall elm across from your back door.

Of course he knew you wouldn't naturally go out back as soon as you went home, so loverboy left a nice long trail using a piece of rope that carried you from your kitchen to the back entrance.

He could see your form hesitate through the obscured glass, noting the metal cane you had grabbed under the impression that someone would be waiting outside for you.

Opening the door he watched you glance out, head swishing side to side as wide eyes surveyed for any threats. When you saw none you were concerned that you had been the one to set up the rope, perhaps you had forgot...

Oh!

Michael's hands curled around the trunk of the tree he was perched on as your eyes zeroed in on the pretty box he had left you, a tightness appearing in his chest as he waited for your reaction.

You opened the door fully and crept towards it, mind still on high alert since the last thing you expected was a surprise gift hopefully just from some sweet secret admirer that was too scared to do this in person.

Reaching for the box you could see a small note with a heart made of deep red ink, as well as a dash with an M written in the same kind of pen.

It was cute. If not a little creepy.

Fortunately, Michael couldn't hear your thoughts, but you definitely heard the sound of something in the woods as his hand crushed one of the branches he was holding onto as heat bloomed where that anxious feeling was earlier.

Yeah, definitely a little creepy.

[canyouhearthelight]

Nihilus Rex, Ch. 12: Aftermath

Here we have what should be the last really technical chapter for...hopefully the rest of the book. Fingers crossed. Although I am sure we can sneak some more stuff here and there if someone asks for more technical stuff, just not so many unending chapters of it.

As always, on the even-numbered chapters, I wrote while @baelpenrose co-wrote and beta'd.

Some legends are told

Some turn to dust or to gold

But you will remember me

Remember me for centuries

And just one mistake

Is all it will take

We'll go down in history

Remember me for centuries

Fall Out Boy, “Centuries”

Lash

“I heard it was part of a bigger hack.”

“Everything I’ve seen about that goes back to some QAnon boards. They think everything is a conspiracy.”

My heart rate picked up just a bit as I looked over dozens of similar conversations across several message boards.  It was entirely too close to home, but felt completely surreal at the same time - I had been part of a coordinated attack against major financial institutions, and no one even believed the scale of what had actually happened.  Not even the people directly impacted, if everything from our botnets was accurate.

In the immediate aftermath, over truly horrendous spinach pie and far too many dolmades, Nils and I had kicked around what-ifs and half-assed contingencies.  It had all boiled down  to keeping an eye on our feeds, waiting for updates from Bishop if he caught anything, and laying low until the attack had aged out of the news cycle.  If online communities started piecing anything together, the plan was to sow misinformation and redirect.

We had definitely called it on the news portion - pundits were still arguing over whether the slain men were heroes of the middle class out to free people from the bonds of financial indenture, or anti-capitalist villains trying to destabilize the global economy.  Every late night show had a self-referential monologue about the deceased, followed by a person-on-the-street segment with split opinions like some ghoulish, real world version of the Boondock Saints.  No one could agree if their goal had been just the one attack, or if there was a secret manifesto somewhere with their ultimate strategy.  What everyone did agree on, however, from the Department of the Treasury, to the OCC, to all major news networks, was that the people responsible had been gunned down by police.  Body camera footage had been released, sometimes uncensored, with all six men declaring loudly that no one else was involved, nobody had put them up to this, nothing had inspired them. 

No One. Nobody. Nothing.  Anyone who had interacted with Nils online and had two brain cells left to rub together would have known immediately.

Except… Our damage control had done its work for us.  Every single time I had been alerted that someone was suggesting a larger plan, the same response had come: That’s QAnon nonsense. A conspiracy. I bet you think the moon landing was fake, too.

Nils had joked about his handle then. “Would you buy that my handle is also an Odyssey reference to be a contingency for exactly this?” He’d said, half joking.

I squinted, half smiling at the memory. “I bet your minion morons believe that.  I do not.  Especially not having seen how far back your handle goes, in some form or another.” She waggled a bite of food at him. “Nice try, though. The bravado almost sold it.”

“Fair enough. Speaking of handles, Lash. Can I get your real name?” He’d said, as they’d shared dinner after the fact. “I haven’t tracked it down as a matter of respect, but we’ve been friends for a while and I would like to know. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

“You aren’t allowed to use it,” I had made him promise. Something about sharing my first name had always felt too… exposed. “Not in person, not via text, not at all.”

He’d given that weird smile that seemed almost like his signature, the one that seemed like he was laughing at something somewhere else, and said, “I promise. I’ll only call you Lash.”

“Then I will tell you when all this dies down and you can’t rat me out to the authorities.” He hadn’t been expecting that, and I winked at his shock. “Shouldn’t be too hard. Not like you would rat me out anyway.” Truth be told, I liked having him at something of a disadvantage.

He inclined his head at a little bow, “As you wish, Lash.” He raised a glass. “This was really fun though. Good working with you.” 

Now, I was staring feeds on three monitors, a week out, watching the entire financial sector and public refuse to believe anything more serious had happened than six armed men breaking into a major bank Guy Ritchie-style.  All three of us had expected some form of damage control, but there was nothing to control.

Almost like I had cursed myself, my phone started buzzing violently across my desk, sending me to my feet hard enough to almost knock my chair over.  “Spam Spam” showed up on my caller ID - Bishop.

“Please take me off whatever list this is,” I answered carefully. Bishop did not call me. He messaged me through about a million proxies, but calling was a no-no.  Paranoid did not begin to describe the man’s communication habits.

“Just a moment of your time, Miss,” the voice came through. “I am calling on behalf of Bloomberg to offer you a one year subscription for only $1 per week. That’s all your basic financial and stock news, for $52 a year.”

“That’s nice, but I’m broke,” I sighed, taking note of the site before hanging up.

My stomach sank when the phone buzzed again, this time a message from Nils. “Uh. Quick meetup somewhere secure. We may have overshot slightly. In a good way.” 

Definitely not good. “Let’s meet at the usual spot. We need to talk about the project for class, anyway.” I sent the message and didn’t even check for confirmation before gathering my stuff with one hand while I checked my news skimmer with the other.

Well, fuck.

Nils was waiting at the shitty hacker cafe, and he looked tense, eyes sharp. He barely waited for me to sit down. “So. There’s a thing. Remember when we were making the worm? And we had to shave some stuff off to make it small enough to still function? And we had to simplify some of its seeking parameters? Uh…it…I just realized that everything in Blackbox…”

“Shut the fuck up,” I hissed, glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention. “You and B reached out within about five minutes of each other, and he managed to tell me to check the news. I saw. We overshot by a couple orders of magnitude, yeah.”

“Yeah. Explains why no damage control. Until someone leaked it, I don’t know that they were legally allowed to admit it could be hacked.” 

“We need coffee,” I stammered out, running a hand over my head. “And B. But coffee first.” Without waiting, I bounced up and ordered for us both. When I came back to the table, he was bouncing a knee - not out of place in a place that specialized in caffeine addiction for the ADHD set, thankfully. “I don’t suppose you carry a flask or something? Could only make it taste better.”

“My flask is for energy drinks when I need caffeine in emergencies because my head is starting to hurt from withdrawals, so, no. It absolutely would not. I appreciate the suggestion though.” Nils’ voice was flat. “I’ll reach out to B and tell him to get over here. We have a bit of a security concern to address. A slimy, perverted security concern to address.” 

“He doesn’t know my actual name or my face,” I told him pointedly. “I’ll drive the bus if you’ll do the throwing, it comes to that.”

“He knows your handle, he’s better than we are at breaking encryptions and worse about boundaries, he absolutely knows your name.”

“I don’t think anyone is going to trust any records scavenged from a defunct elementary school or a birth certificate. Those are the only places my actual name is listed. I don’t even drive.” I thought about it for a minute. “But backing up his stuff remotely to make sure we have any sex trafficking or worse would be a good idea.”

“Honestly I was thinking simpler. We have a crime that he was accomplice to, he can’t blackmail us without incriminating himself without claiming he didn’t know what it would be used for. He might get immunity for the tip, but that takes time. He’s attempted to solicit you for indecent shit a lot, and attempted to get me to engineer…basically letting him do sex crimes, a few times. I kept the messages after turning him down, you? If nothing else it kills his credibility as a witness and ruins any ability he has to get us convicted of anything.” 

I gave him a dirty look. “What kind of amateur do you think I am? I have all my dirt on everyone backed up where no one can find it except me or my parents. External drives, somewhere safer than that server we just fucked up.”

“Of course, my apologies.” He looked a little calmer with the idea that Weasel was handled. “They’ll try to trace us but our databombs will have made such a brutal hash of anything they could trace that they won’t know where to start looking. At a guess they’ll move to a different system against future hackers - and I don’t envy the next suckers to try this.” 

I tapped my chin, trying to think what Bishop would point out. Something simple we would be missing. I wasn’t good a peopling, but Bishop was surprisingly adept - “They have six dead bodies, a drive designed to fuck shit up, and six cell phones that had been in contact with you.  So, first link is you. Let’s start there.”

“Burn phone, pre-paid, cash, with an out of state number, picked up ages ago for something else entirely, under an alias I no longer use, again invented for something else entirely, and called through wifi service using a vpn. Said burn phone has now been utterly destroyed with its remains scrubbed of fingerprints and the remains tossed into a dumpster, whilst I was not carrying my normal phone, on the opposite side of town from where we normally spend any time. I think that about covers it.” 

“I don’t ever want to hear anyone say women watch too much true crime,” I muttered. “You literally could have just taken it apart and used a belt sander on it, handed the pieces to a makerspace. Or donated it to a Goodwill bin.”

“I’ll remember that for next time.”

Bishop showed just after that, making a point to ignore us while getting his coffee and sitting at a table two over from us, facing away.

“I knew getting involved with both of you at once would get exciting. So. We want to talk about what you little maniacs have been discussing before I got here so I can go over what you missed?” B’s voice was vaguely amused, and a little tense. “I should mention, I’ve already gotten a message from Weasel. He put it together. Hopefully you two have a contingency for that.” 

“Oh, the usual,” I answered airily, arching a brow at Nils. “Blackmail and making sure there aren’t any other tracks to cover. Nils overdid it with his phone, but it should work.”

Harvey’s voice took on an amused note. “Alright then. I’ll tell Weasel to pound sand. Am I to take it you kids had fun the night of the job?”

“Food was hit or miss, and there was some half-delirious contingency planning around damage control.” I rubbed my face. That felt like a decade ago.

Nils was looking embarrassed and Harvey looked amused as the older man continued. “Pity. You two were getting really wound up and I was hoping you’d be able to take a load off that night. From the looks of things, Nils’ usual bullshit and choice of pawns is working out on deflecting suspicion against a bigger conspiracy - I think the feds are reluctant to give conspiracy wingnuts credibility.”

Someone isn’t paying attention to politics, I mused internally. On the surface, I just smiled and took a sip of my coffee, suppressing a grimace at how bitter and nasty it was. Cold brew…. How hard did you have to try to fuck up cold brew, I swear. “Either way, the damage had controlled itself so far.  Any updates since you called? I checked my skimmers right after, but the news was sparse.”

“So far an announcement that 4Chan white supremacist boards are going to be looked at more seriously as a breeding ground for stochastic terrorism coming from the FBI, unsurprisingly now that they’re affecting rich people.” 

Nils gave an evil chuckle. “Oh good, that’s a pot I was stirring a bit ago. Unmanaged retaliation against cops in a predictable timeframe for whatever happens to them and we can let the system eat itself and look away from us, thank you very much…”

The only reason my head didn’t bounce off the table when I dropped it is because my arms cushioned the fall. “Don’t get me wrong!” I held a hand up blindly. “After the revenge porn thing, yes, scrutinize breeding grounds. And at least everyone knows the guys who are currently taking the fall are not - “ I pointed at myself emphatically. “But I am not a fan of ‘unmanaged’ retaliation against a group with airtight legal protections and a poor track record of reading perp stats correctly.” It was the most polite way I could say ‘racist assholes’ without everyone in the cafe looking at me.

“Options: I have to actively take command of the right wing gun nuts a la some shitty real life Code Geass-ripoff shenanigans to manage them, or I let their anti-government shit lead them to fight actual problems for a change, or I let them continue believing that the Jews were running the world and that everyone who couldn’t pass a paper bag test were their foot soldiers in need of shooting - right as the ax was about to fall on them. Guess which option I figured involved the least collateral damage? If you prefer I decide to go whole hog on the aesthetic and try ripping off Lelouch vi Britannia harder, which to me seemed worse than telling them they were going to have a cop problem rather than a Jews run the world problem…” Nils response was less annoyed than exhausted, and unlike our previous conversation where it was clear that he hadn’t thought it out and felt bad about it, his tone indicated that he’d thought this one through and had simply picked the least evil available option he saw. 

Thankfully, Bishop’s unending focus on ‘simplest solution is best solution’ saved me palm abrasions and an assault charge from strangling the cute but dumb motherfucker on the spot. “Since the heat right now is on an actual breeding ground for incels, alt right, and revenge porn entrepreneurs, we could just let them chase their tails and keep laying low. White collar crime is historically white, et cetera, ipso facto Columbo Oreo.”

“I like that idea,” I agreed, putting as much reluctance as possible behind the sentiment. Realistically, Nils as Commander and Chief of the Fucknuckle Wingnut Army was not giving me the warm and fuzzies.

[skylarmoon71]

Alexander (Grimm) - Crossover AU - Chapter 2

You were settling in quite nicely.

When you learned about Wesen and Grimms three months ago you didn’t think it would lead you here. There was still so much you didn’t understand, but you liked your new job. Transferring in might have been one of the best decisions you made. 

Had you never joined Portland PD, you probably would have still been oblivious to the world around you. While it was terrifying, your father always told you that knowledge is power. You could prepare better when you knew what you were dealing with.

“So I heard you met Alexander, that must have been interesting.” Rosalee’s statement earns smiles around the table. You just roll your eyes as you take another sip at your wine.

“He’s a moron. Thinks he’s the baddest thing around. Men like that are so easy to read. My baby sister could probably do it.”

They all laugh at your clearly annoyed expression.

“It sounds like he got under your skin.” Adalind inputs.

You place your glass down taking a vicious stab at your meat. They all send you a look and your shoulders relax at how hard you’d stuck the knife in. With a low grumble, you look away.

“A guy like that doesn’t even bother me.”

“Sounds like he’s bothering you a lot. “ Monroe states. You send him a glare and he laughs nervously.

“On second thought I could be wrong.”

Nick chuckles.

“I’ve never seen you rip into someone that quickly no matter how mad you were.”

“It’s nothing, can we please just change the subject.”

“Sure sure.” He said, but you spotted the playful smiles they all wore. It’s clear this topic would pop up again.

~

“Ms. Jane, you have a visitor.”

Opening your eyes, you looked up at the officer. The dark hair and sharp suit behind her caught your eye. You just nod, and she waved him over. When he walks up you don’t bother to raise.

“I have to say I’m intrigued. Typically law enforcement personnel are assigned desks.”

“I like the couch, it helps me think. Is there something you need? I thought you went back to the Netherlands.”

“How did you know that I-”

“Educated guess, what do you want?”

He paused for a second, searching for the words. Every conversation with you made him more intrigued.

“I came to offer an apology.”

“How very noble of you.” Your sarcastic quip was expected.

You finally sat upright, and you intended to dismiss him, but an officer walking by caught your eye. There was a man sitting patiently at the visitors area eyeing the officer in a way that indicated something that couldn’t be good.

Standing, you brushed past Alexander.

“Stay here.”

It was a whispered warning. When the man stood from his seat, you moved in his direction. His eyes were so focused ahead that he didn’t pay much mind when you ran right into him.

“I-I’m sorry I’m so clumsy.”

He brushed off your apology when you straightened. The officer earlier was walking back in your direction and when you saw the man reach for his jacket pocket, you spotted the confusion on his face.

“Looking for this?” You held up the gun and he looked startled.

“Nick!!”

The call alerted Nick and when the man tried to make a run for it he was tackled to the floor by two other officers. They all seemed to flock. In a matter of seconds the entire precinct was aware. Nick moved to your side and you handed him the gun. The officer from before looked stunned. You just let out a breath.

“Word of advice, don’t mess around with other people’s wives.” He looked shocked at the accusation and the man was thrashing around when they pulled him off the floor.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN SLEEP WITH MY WIFE YOU PIECE OF SCUM!! I’LL KILL YOU!!”

He was yelling the entire way out and the officer simply swallowed.

“Good job.” Nick said with a grin.

You nod, yawning as you move back to the couch. Alexander just watched you lay back.

He didn’t really have the right words.

For the rest of the day, it seems quite uneventful.

Alexander had left shortly after his visit without really explaining what he wanted. You didn’t think much of it. You were positive he would find some way to annoy you again. Swinging your keys on your finger, you exited the building. You didn’t expect to see the familiar azure hues upon your exit.

“You’re still here?”

“We weren’t able to have a proper conversation earlier. The commotion was quite distracting. I wanted to have a word with you alone.”

“Why?”

You were generally curious.

“I believe what you do is quite incredible. Your observation skills are outstanding. Although I’m assuming you might have gained the abilities from your father, Patrick Jane.” Your jaw clenched.

“Why are you researching me?”

“I just make a habit of knowing all the players. I would hate it if we were enemies.”

“Are you threatening me!”

“No, I was simply stating that-”

“Listen to me, if you so much as breathe in the direction of my family, I’ll end you. Do you hear me!”

You looked furious and he realized at that moment that he took the wrong approach. You’re clearly protective of your family for obvious reasons.

You storm off and he watches as you jump into your car and pull away.

This might be a step in the wrong direction. 

[vicshush]

[ID: A photo of a gray cat with white markings on muzzle, feet, and chest, in an elongated wire cage with angled door at one end. A person is lifting the cage with two hands by a handle in the middle of the top. /end ID]

My sister brought her cats to visit my parents. My parents' cat was Not Cool with this, growling and muttering, but did nothing else. This display, however, was apparently enough to drive one of her cats to flee into the basement (which we thought was blocked off, but it seems that was not the case).

This moron feline proceeded to hide down there for almost 2 weeks.

He ignored calls from both of his humans, offers of treats, and a nice bed to sleep in, in favor of hiding, collecting cobwebs, and probably eating bugs. His hiding spot was located at one point, and he ran away from my sister when she tried to fish him out, to hide somewhere else never identified. Cat cams were employed to track his movements, to little avail. We hauled a considerable amount of basement junk around trying to find him. Food and water and a litter box were left out to sustain him, which he'd use intermittently, usually at times when everyone was asleep or away. My sister sat in the dark for hours, waiting for him, and he clearly saw and sauntered or skittered away from her, on two separate occasions. She set up Wiley E. Coyote level box-propped-up-with-a-stick traps.

The method that finally captured the fugitive, though, was a feral cat cage, with a pressure plate by the food dish that closed the door at the other end.

Hooray for happy endings (though now she's gotta take him to the vet to get checked over, just in case), but what a brat cat.

(Please note, from all the observations, live and via the cat cams, he did not appear frightened: tail was mid-low, but not brushed up or lashing, ears were alert, stride was open even when running from my sister. He was most skittish when the cat cams turned to follow his movements. He was pretty apparently Having An Adventure.)

[pollstuck]

You are suddenly the awesome coolkid.

In a different game session.

In the future.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

TG: what the fuck was the point of this again TG: why did i ever agree to go along with this horseshit GC: B3C4US3 YOU H4D TO, 1T W4S 1N YOUR FUTUR3 GC: 4ND B3S1D3S YOU MUST US3 D1PLOM4CY TO W1N OV3R YOUR CONSORTS GC: S33 LOOK 1NSUFF3R4BL3, TH3Y 4LL LOV3 YOU NOW! YOU 4R3 TH3 H3RO, 1TS YOU >:] GC: NOW TH3Y W1LL G1V3 YOU 4LL TH3 S3CR3TS OF TH3 L4ND TG: what secrets TG: they dont have any secrets TG: look at them theyre morons TG: the only secret theyve got is how many times a day they accidentally flush their medical alert bracelets down the toilet GC: 1NSUFF3R4BL3, TH3Y 4R3 STUP1D 4ND Y3T V3RY W1S3 GC: YOU H4V3 MUCH TO L34RN 4ND 1 W1LL K33P H3LP1NG YOU L34RN 1T! GC: 3V3N 1F YOU 4R3 4 HUG3 CRYB4BY WHO 1S 34S1LY UPS3T BY CHOPP3D V3G3T4BL3S TG: ok im gonna change out of this wet suit TG: and into a dry shut your fucking mouth GC: >8Y BLUHHHHHHH

TG: there now i wont be satisfying your crazy red fetish either GC: >:'C GC: NOW 1 4M CRY1NG TOO YOU S33 WH4T YOU D1D TG: all you get to smell is black TG: like licorice or something TG: you hate licorice right GC: 1 LOV3 L1COR1C3 TG: shit TG: ok lets say i dont smell like licorice then TG: i smell like TG: a coal miners asshole GC: TOO L4T3! GC: 1T 4LR34DY SM3LLS L1K3 L1COR1C3 S1NC3 YOU S41D TH4T, 4ND NOW 1 C4NT UNSM3LL 1T TG: whatever TG: anyway TG: probably bout time i got on with this game TG: sans these pointless sidequests you want drag me through for kicks TG: later blart nice knowing you GC: W41T! GC: YOU C4N'T D1TCH M3, W3V3 GOT 1MPORT4NT STUFF TO DO TOG3TH3R TG: unlikely GC: OH GC: H3Y >:o GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY N4M3? TG: you told me remember GC: Y34H, BUT 1 THOUGHT YOU FORGOT! TG: why would i forget GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 4 PO1NT OF FORG3TT1NG! TG: oh TG: i guess i forgot i was supposed to forget GC: W3LL TH3N GC: M1ST3R 1NSUFF3R4BL3 PR1CK GC: 1 4M GL4D TH4T YOU FORGOT TO FORG3T >:D TG: uh alright TG: im still gonna go off and do my own thing though TG: later GC: W41T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TG: dammit what GC: OK 1 G3T TH4T YOU 4R3 TH1S R4D LON3R 4ND YOU TH1NK YOU H4V3 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT GC: BUT HOW 4BOUT TH1S GC: 1F 1 4M M34NT TO H3LP YOU, TH3N YOUR FUTUR3 S3LF OUGHT TO V1S1T YOU R1GHT NOW 4ND G1V3 YOU 4 THUMBS UP, R1GHT? GC: 1T W1LL B3 YOUR W4Y OF CONF1RM1NG TO YOURS3LF TH4T 1 C4N B3 TRUST3D GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y YOU WOULD PL4N TO DO TH4T 1N TH3 FUTUR3 1F YOU 3ND UP R3GR3TT1NG MY H3LP GC: DO3S TH4T SOUND F41R? TG: yeah fine but i doubt that i TG: oh fuck there i am hiding behind that column GC: >8D

TG: ok so whats the plan GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU WOULD N3V3R 4SK GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY PL4NS GC: W3 4R3 GO1NG TO B3 SO BUSY 1NSUFF3R4BL3, YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 TG: thats cool TG: but whats the answer that doesnt have anything to do with meaningless bullshit GC: 1SNT 1T OBV1OUS? GC: NOW TH4T W3 4R3 4 T34M 1NSUFF3R4BL3 GC: YOU 4ND M3 GC: 1T 1S T1M3 TG: time TG: for GC: T1M3 TG: for TG: come on GC: FOR............ TG: ...... TG: ........... GC: ............................. GC: FOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.............. TG: god dammit GC: 4 MOTH3R FUCK1NG D4NC3 P4RTY!!!!!!! >:O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GC: http://tinyurl.com/OMGD4NC3P4RTY TG: whoa

TG: i TG: where the fuck did this footage come from TG: like that isnt one of your shitty drawings that's straight up footage GC: W3LL YOU S33 1NSUFF3R4BL3... GC: 1 DONT 4CTU4LLY KNOW >:? GC: 1T JUST SHOW3D UP ON MY COMPUT3R TG: look at us go TG: i cant stop watching TG: damn TG: those moves GC: TRUST M3 GC: TH3S3 MOV3S DONT STOP K33P T4K1NG PL4C3 GC: NOT 4T TH1S P4RTY TG: i can see im going to have to drop everything TG: drop it like its simultaneously hot and i just tripped over the rug TG: dedicate my undivided attention to this shit GC: 1NSUFF3R4BL3, WHY TR1P OV3R TH4T RUG... GC: WH3N YOU C4N CUT 1T????? >:] GC: T4PP4 T4P T4P 4 P4P! GC: SHOOSH SHOOSH! TG: damn youre right TG: truth be told everyone will be tripping when im done TG: once i upset this biznasty with my swift cuts TG: dudes will phalanx themselves agape like theyre offerin to store my shit in their mouths for the night TG: rows of glasseyed human fly catchers beholding categorical fucking domination of the dance floor TG: but they wont catch none cause the flys all mine GC: YOU H4V3 4LL TH3 D3L1C1OUS FL13S

TG: ok but seriously TG: who are these other guys were jammin with TG: is that a cyclops? GC: 1T'S CL34RLY 4 B1CLOPS TG: damn my bad TG: oh hold the fucking phone TG: is that nick cage??? GC: WHO 1S N1CK C4G3 TG: he's this really weird actor that zoosmell is obsessed with TG: why the fuck is he there GC: H3 MUST H4V3 PL4Y3D SGRUB TG: i guess that makes sense TG: shits already so goddamn weird TG: this might as well happen

TG: but seriously what is the real plan here TG: that has to do with not fucking around GC: YOUV3 S34D BUT S3R1OUSLY TW1C3 1N L1K3 TWO M1NUT3S GC: 4R3 W3 G3TT1NG DOUBL3 S3R1OUS TG: were getting double serious GC: GU3SS 1 N33D TO ST3P UP MY G4M3 TG: so what are we doing GC: W3LL, W3 N33D TO ST4RT M4K1NG YOU SOM3 MON3Y GC: LOTS 4ND LOTS 4ND LOTS OF 1T! TG: ok GC: WH3N YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP 3NOUGH GC: W3 W1LL BUY YOU YOUR F1RST FR4YMOT1F GC: TH3N YOU C4N ST4RT CUTT1NG OUT TRULY TH3 FLY3ST OF MOV3S GC: 4ND TH4T 1S WH3N W3 W1LL B3G1N TH3 MOST POORLY B3H4V3D D4NC3 P4RTY OF 4LL >:D TG: sounds cool GC: D3MONS 4ND D3N1Z3NS 4L1K3 W1LL TR3MBL3 B3FOR3 YOUR F1DG3TY GYR4T1ONS GC: 4ND MOST 1MPORT4NTLY, YOU W1LL PROV3 YOURS3LF TO B3 TH3 B3ST HUM4N BOY OF 4LL GC: W4Y B3TT3R TH4N TH4T DORKY POOPLORD 4ND WHO3V3R M1GHT B3 M3DDL1NG W1TH H1M 4T 4NY G1V3N MOM3NT TG: huh what an odd thing to say TG: it demands no explanation whatsoever GC: NO OF COURS3 NOT TG: so how do i start making all this money GC: P4T13NC3! GC: R3M3MB3R HOW 1 S41D YOU H4V3 PL3NTY OF T1M3 TG: tell me anyway GC: OK W3LL T4K3 WH4T YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP FROM CL1MB1NG YOUR 3CH3L4DD3R TO ST4RT W1TH GC: HOW MUCH DO YOU H4V3? TG: dont know TG: i never even looked at it GC: BL3333H, N1C3 JOB 4C3 G4M3R GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD H4V3 4 LOOK 4T 1T TG: k GC: 4ND TH3N 1 W1LL 4DV1S3 YOU L4T3R 4FT3R OBS3RV1NG TH3 GR4ND SCH3M3 OF 4LL TH1NGS 4ND 4LL 1NSUFF3R4BL3S GC: 1 W1LL L34V3 YOU 4LON3 FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3 TO W4ND3R 4ND 3XPLOR3 GC: BUT 1 W1LL B3 B4CK! TG: awesome TG: peace out p-b GC: >:) TG: oh shit GC: >:?

GC: WH4T 1S 1T????? TG: fuck