#nice moron alert

[hand-makes-stuff]

I just gave my friend the most extreme don't starve hyperfixation and boy am I smug about it

[lordprettyflackotara]

noise || homicidal liu & jane the killer || maid!reader || (𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓵𝔂pasta au)

SMUT MINORS DNI 18+ tw: threesome, dom!jane, dom!liu, knife play + blood play combo, overstimulation, ownership kink lowkey, breeding

Being at the Trenderman mansion was odd.

Not because of its residents, but because of what they allowed you to do.

After your encounter with Helen you never saw him or any sign of him, minus the news channel blowing up after he went on a manic killing spree. With nothing left to clean due to how pristine the mansion was, you were left to your own devices. For the remainder of your weekend you wondered around the mansion aimlessly, admiring all of the freshly polished wood and satisfying forest smell at every turn. The only place you found real comfort in was the library, which was giant in comparison to anything you had ever seen. When you were particularly bored you’d wonder there, curling up in a nook by the window to read to pass time. Truthfully you were enjoying the tiny break, but your body was yearning for some sort of satisfaction. You weren’t sure if it was supernatural or not, but your sex drive was high enough to please all of the mansions residents.

It was Sunday night, Ben and Toby scheduled to pick you up the following day. You were in the last clothing item you had clean, a skimpy silk lavender night gown. The mansion was cooler at night, goosebumps trailing across your bare skin as you headed towards the library. It was the dead of night, most of the mansions residents out and about. You pushed open the doors of the library, the overwhelming smell of cigarettes invading your nostrils. You were surprised to see two shadows sitting in your reading nook. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of Jane the Killer and Homidical Liu, talking amongst themselves as they shared a cigarette.

Jeff was not kind when it came to the descriptions of Jane or Liu. To Jeff, Jane was the psycho bitch who deserved her fate, while Liu was the moronic brother who he deemed to need therapy. You found this ironic coming from Jeff, but never vocalized any form of protest. Yet the stories he told made them out to be the worst of the worst, killers that would slice and dice you mercilessly at the first sight of you. You swallowed, realizing your gawking had alerted them of your presence. “There you are! There’s our little bookworm!” Jane cheered, rising to her feet. You couldn’t help but notice the way her hips swayed when she walked, a smile spreading across her lips. She approached you with ease, your body tense and eyes wide as she threw her arms around you. As you inhaled you could smell her perfume, the sweet scent of chocolate and cherries swirling around your nostrils. Jane noted your tenseness but pretended she didn’t notice, looping her arm through yours.

“I’m Jane and this is Liu. But since you live with Jeff i’m sure you know who we are,” She said, gesturing to each of them as she spoke. Her voice was smooth like butter as she walked you over to Liu. The brunette seemed intrigued by your appearance. “So it’s true, you really are human,” He commented. Jane joined him by his side, not failing to elbow him. “Be nice,” Jane hissed. Liu rolled his green eyes, placing the cigarette to his lips and inhaling. “So uh, are you two together or..?” You began to ask, your voice trailing off. Jane chuckled at your joke, Liu exhaling his cigarette smoke. “Oh no baby I don’t swing that way. I like pretty girls like you,” She laughed. You felt heat dash across your cheeks, her enchanting obsidian eyes staring at you. “You ever smoke a cigarette before?” Liu asked, his voice gruff. You awkwardly scratched the back of your neck. “Well uh maybe, one or two times I think..” You said honestly. Jane reached out and grabbed your arm, plopping you in between the two of them.

“Why don’t you give it a shot?” Jane cooed. Unsurely you took the cigarette from Liu, placing in between your lips. As you inhaled you noticed Jane’s soft hand placing itself on your thigh, while Liu scooted closer toward you. The tobacco swirled around your lungs, your eyes watering as you coughed. Liu chuckled at your reaction, watching as Jane took the cigarette away from there. “You’ll learn kid. Don’t worry, there’s a lot of things Jane and I can teach you,” Liu said. Jane smoked the cigarette with ease, your body melting under the touch of Liu pushing your hair behind your shoulder. “L-Like what?” You sputtered, your heart pounding. Jane placed the cigarette in a nearby ash tray, giving you a seductive smile. “You have such a pretty mouth baby, I think putting it to good use will teach you a few things,” Jane mused. Her words sent a chill down your spine. You were practically trembling under their touch. “What’s wrong kid?” Liu asked, grabbing your chin to force you to look at him. His emerald eyes were full of dominance, peering down at you curiously. “Well J-Jeff said-” You started, Jane quick to cut you off.

“Oh honey is that it? Did Jeff say bad things about us?” Jane asked in a sweet tone. You nodded quickly, Jane and Liu exchanging glances. “We’re not scary, are we Liu? Why don’t you show her how loving we can be?” Jane suggested. Liu hopped off of the bench, immediately falling to his knees. Jane made her way behind you, guiding you to lay against her chest. Liu’s skin was comfortingly warm, while Jane’s was cool and soft. The two made your heart pound and cunt throb, the idea of Jeff’s worst enemies getting you off liberating and terrifying at the same time. Your thighs were shaking with fear, Liu’s warm chapped lips pressing soft kisses onto your inner thighs. Jane pulled the straps of your night slip down, gently rubbing your exposed skin. “You caught us on a good night, Sully would’ve eaten you alive by now,” Jane whispered. She pulled your night gown down until your bare breast were exposed, your nipples becoming hard under the cool night air. “S-Sully?” You sputtered. Liu’s hands slithered under your gown, yanking down your thong. “Liu’s counterpart. Don’t worry baby we’re gonna take real good care of you," Jane cooed.

Her soft hands traveled to your breast, toying with your nipples as Liu's hot breath fanned over your cunt. You whined at the sensation, goosebumps traveling across your skin as Liu licked a stripe up your cunt. "Oh there she is, theres the good little whore everyones been talking about," Jane chuckled, twisting your nipples harshly. You whined as Liu attached his lips to your clit, violently sucking at the bud. One of your hands tangled itself in his hair, the other gripping onto Jane's thigh for support. "You know we've been waiting for your arrival, precious thing," Jane whispered. You whimpered as Liu lapped at your folds as if he were a starved man. "You see we're not above pissing Jeff off for fun," Jane snickered. You watched wide eyed as Jane took out her knife, handing it to Liu. "Now having his sex slave marked with our initials? That sounds like great fun to me. I'd focus on my voice honey, this may sting," Jane told you. You screwed your eyes shut as Liu brought the tip of the blade to your inner thigh, the sharp slicing of your skin making you cry out in pain. "Shh baby you're doing so good. Your reward will make this all the worthwhile," Jane cooed, watching in satisfaction as Liu finished carving an L.

Jane took the liberty of sliding her hand down to your aching cunt, circling your abandoned clit. You groaned as Liu began to carve the letter J, licking the blood from the other cuts. "Well would you look at that Liu, I think she likes it," Jane chuckled darkly. With your blood still fresh on his tongue Liu pulled away from nursing your wound, finishing Jane's initial. "What a dirty little whore, I knew there was a reason everyone loves her so much," Liu replied, his cock beginning to ache in his jeans. Slowly you blinked your eyes open as you whimpered, thin beads of blood forming from the fresh cuts. They still stung as Liu continued to lap at them, causing you to curse. Your body was confused, Jane playing with your cunt while Liu cut you making your head spin. "I hope you didn't go too deep Liu, poor slut already looks dazed," Jane commented. Liu wiped his chin, the clinking of his belt sending a chill down your spine. "We better get on with it then. Wanna see what the hype is all about," He said, pulling down his jeans. Jane rearranged you, making you lay down as the two of them undressed. She took off her panties, hovering over your face. You couldn't quite understand why your body craved what it did, but you wanted nothing more than for the pale killer to ride your face until sunrise.

Eagerly you stuck out your tongue, gasping as Liu abruptly shoved his cock inside of you. He bottomed out quickly, your mouth in the shape of an O as Jane sat on your face. You tried to focus on lapping at her folds, her juices addicting and thighs squeezing your head. "Surprised she still has such a tight cunt after being the community's gloryhole," Liu panted, harshly gripping your waist. You tried your hardest to please Jane, having never eaten pussy before. You tried to do what you thought would feel good, listening to her sinful noises to ensure she was feeling the best possible. "Yes well her tongue can certainly make up for whatever aspects she may lack," Jane agreed, grinding her hips down and onto your face. With shaky hands you grabbed her thighs, trying to balance yourself as Liu began to fuck you. His thrust were anything but slow, the brunette immediately seizing the opportunity to spite Jeff by fucking you. "Think I can get her pregnant? Take Jeff's play thing off the market?" Liu asked Jane, your walls fluttering around his cock at the thought. Your moans vibrated against Jane's folds, causing her to lean forward in an attempt to support herself.

"Sounds like a wonderful plan Liu. You sick twisted bastard," Jane moaned, her eyes fluttering shut as she rode your face. You struggled to be able to focus, both of them overwhelming you. You could hardly keep up with Liu abusing your cunt, purposefully giving you the roughest fuck he could provide. He wanted to send you home with puffy folds and the inability to walk, with his and Jane's markings showing everyone it was their doing. Jane wanted to use you to the fullest extent, grabbing your breast and toying with your nipples as your tongue teased her entrance. This was your first time pleasing a girl and you couldn't get enough. Jane was coming close to her orgasm first, her moans becoming more jagged and uncontrolled. "Fuck, she's fucking good at this. You think we can keep her?" Jane asked, the cord in her stomach tightening. Liu grinned as he put your legs over his shoulders, somehow fucking deeper into your core.

“I’d like to, i’d get a chance to breed this cunt every day,” Liu replied. He brought his thumb to your clit, drawing circles around the bud as he plowed into you. Jane bit her bottom lip, her thighs squeezing your head as she came closer to her orgasm. “Gonna c-cum,” She warned, her head tilting back as she came on your face. Feeling her cunt flutter around your tongue was addicting, your hands keeping her locked into place. You didn’t stop assaulting her cunt through out her orgasm, the pale killer at a loss for words. “Overstimulating Jane kid? My my you are crazy slut,” Liu chuckled. Jane licked her lips, her sinful noises uncontrollable. She shoved Liu’s hand away from your clit, replacing it with her tongue. Your moans became even louder, Liu’s cock continuing to abuse your cunt as it pleased. The cord in your stomach was tightening, your thighs beginning to tremble as your head began to spin.

“Look at that Jane, got her nice and tremblin’ for us,” Liu snickered. The pale killer grinned at the sight, deciding to graze your clit with her teeth. The sensation sent you over the edge, your body shaking as you came on Liu’s cock. His hips began to stutter, your name falling from his lips as he came deep inside of your cunt. On auto pilot you continued to lap at Jane’s folds, determined to make her cum one last time. She braced herself on your thighs, her sinful noises echoing throughout the library as she came again. She slowly lifted off of your face, her thighs shaky and heart racing. You were dazed to say the very least, watching Liu slowly pull out of you. You could feel his warm cum drip down your cunt, both him and Jane admiring the sight. She licked her lips, settling in between your thighs. “Oh no baby, it looks like you wasted all of Liu’s cum,” She said mockingly. With two fingers she gathered what she could, shoving it back inside of you, causing you to whine.

She hovered over your abused folds, your core throbbing as her sinister eyes met yours.

“Whadda say I get you cleaned up so Liu can give you more? Maybe this time you’ll keep it where it’s supposed to be.”

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

3: UNINVITED GUESTS

Previous chapter < MASTERLIST > Next chapter

Summary: You invite your ex, Leonard, over to discuss a favor, but his arrogance and condescension remind you why things never worked between you. Meanwhile, your well-meaning neighbor, Bucky, gets involved after a nosy but caring neighbor, Winnie, alerts him to Leonard’s presence. A tense confrontation follows, leading to an unexpected clash between Leonard and Bucky— one that leaves you questioning everything.

Warnings: Ex-boyfriend drama, toxic relationship elements, gaslighting, mild language, minor injury mention, protective!Bucky, and a meddling but lovable elderly neighbor.

Word Count: 2,739

Seven o’clock came and went. And no Leonard.

You were livid, staring at your phone and pacing up and down in your living room, as if your sheer force of will would make him magically appear. The special trip you’d made to the liquor store to get the wine he liked had quite frankly been a disaster: the line at the checkout had been ridiculously long, the cashier had had an attitude to rival Oscar the Grouch and to top it all off, some reckless moron had rammed his cart into the back of your ankle, leaving you with a small gash that hadn't stopped bleeding until an hour ago.

And for what?

Leonard was almost an hour late. 

You knew this about him but it did nothing to stop the irritation creeping in, steadily building and feeding your anxiety about the whole favor. The chilled bottle of wine on your coffee table was now staring at you mockingly, as if laughing at the situation you found yourself in. The perfectly prepared plate of snacks called your name, taunting your empty stomach with its appealing aroma.

You had texted him. Not once. Not twice. Three times!

But Leonard had always marched to the beat of his own drum and not once considered that the world, in fact, did not revolve around him. Your finger hovered over the call button but you knew that it was pointless. And with that thought you collapsed on the couch with a heavy sigh. You reached out and grabbed a piece of cheese off your plate and popped it into your mouth.

There was a knock at the door. Finally. Fucking finally!

You took a deep calming breath before walking to the door. One more as you put your hand on the door handle. Unfortunately, every ounce of tranquility you had achieved between the couch and the door evaporated at the sight of him.

Leonard was standing there, leaning against the frame, completely at ease. His jacket was slung over his shoulder and he walked in without so much as an invitation.

“Is that the Merlot?” he asked, pointing at the bottle on the table. He was acting as if he had arrived at a fancy restaurant rather than your humble apartment.

You let the door swing shut with the wave of your hand before speaking. “Nice to see you too, Leonard.”

He didn’t bat an eyelid and you wondered if he had even registered the sarcasm in your tone. 

“I’m impressed that you managed to get the correct one, babe.” 

His words may have been complimentary but to you the undertone of condescension was undeniable. It was like you should be grateful that he was granting you this incredible favor. Leonard picked up the bottle and poured himself a glass, neglecting to do the same for you.

“Mmmm, not bad… not bad at all,” he murmured as he sipped the deep ruby elixir.

You sat down on the armchair that was placed perpendicular to the couch. Close by but enough of a barrier between you. Your back was ramrod straight, hands gripping the arm rests trying to quell your rage. “Glad to hear that it meets your standards.”

Leonard leaned forwards, holding out the glass. “Well, you always had good taste.” He sneered and you knew he wasn’t referring to the wine.

There had been a time when his charm disarmed you but now it just added to your annoyance.

“And you always had impeccable timing.”

Leonard shrugged. “Meeting ran long. You know how it is. A CEO’s work is never done.” He topped up his glass and held it up. “Here’s to favors for old friends.”

“Yeah about that…” You picked up a glass for yourself and your brain screamed repeatedly; This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea.

The words caught in your throat. This whole situation was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. You couldn’t ask Leonard for this! He might have been an option for a date to the wedding, but asking him to fake a relationship was one step too far. Leonard had no tact, no ability to keep a secret.  He was well versed in the art of deception and manipulation, but only when it served his interests. You’d learned that the hard way after the number of times he’d twisted things around, gaslighting you into believing you were the problem in your relationship.

You opened your mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Leonard raised a perfectly threaded brow, his expression hovering somewhere between amusement and irritation. He probably thought you'd lost it.

The silence was shattered by a loud, knocking on your front door.

Half an hour earlier...

Mrs. Burke, or Winnie, (as she insisted everyone call her) had returned home and was standing in the elevator, adjusting her handbag. Just as the doors were about to slide shut, a polished black shoe obstructed the doors. The chrome doors shuddered open again to reveal Leonard, his perfectly tailored suit accompanying his overpowering cologne. One squirt too many, Winnie thought, wrinkling her nose.

He did nothing to acknowledge her presence as he strode in and leant against the wall furthest from the elderly woman. Winnie recognized him immediately. The coiffed hair, the intimidating attire and the dismissive attitude. She scoffed to herself before speaking. “What’re you doing back here?”

Leonard rolled his eyes as discreetly as he could, but without even sparing Winnie a glance, he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and stared at it with an intense focus.

Her mouth narrowed into a thin line as she pursed her lips together in irritation. They rode the elevator in silence but as the metal box slowed and stopped on your floor, Winnie couldn’t help herself. The elevator binged and the doors opened and she called after him. “You’re here to see Y/N, aren’t you?”

Leonard turned to her and replied coolly. “How’s this any of your business?” And under his breath he muttered, “Old bag.” 

Winnie followed him out of the elevator. “Don’t try anything or you’ll regret it. She has friends in this building… good friends.”

Unfortunately her threat fell on deaf ears and Leonard strode to your door with a swagger in his step and without so much of a backward glance. Winnie huffed watching from a distance as he entered your home. Immediately she knew she had to do something… but what? As soon as her eyes fell on Bucky’s door, a plan formed in her mind.

Bucky had just popped the cap off a bottle of beer and sat down on the couch, his head falling back onto the back of it. It was nice to finally get the weight off his legs. Just as he let out a relaxed sigh, there was a soft knock at the door. He groaned and stood up and padded over to answer the door. Bucky took a quick peek through the small hole and opened the door.

“Evening, Winnie,” Bucky smiled.

“James, dear, I need your help,” she said in a hushed but urgent voice.

“What’s going on, Winnie?” Bucky’s brow furrowed in concern, his voice dropping to match her tone. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine, dear, but she’s not,” Winnie replied quietly, gesturing vaguely toward your apartment with a dramatic flourish of her hand.

“Who?”

Winnie pointed very firmly at your door, as though saying your name would attract attention.

“You should’ve seen the man that just went in there. Poor girl.”

Bucky’s grip on the door handle, his body tensed and ready for action. “Someone broke in?”

“No, no, dear. She let him in,” Winnie whispered. “But he’s trouble, James.”

“Winnie, I’m not sure this is any of our business,” he said, easily catching the faint sound of male laughter coming from your door with his super soldier hearing.

Winnie shook her head. “Not our business?” she cried indignantly. With her hands on her hips, she glared at Bucky as though he had the audacity to insult her. “Not our business? She's far too sweet to tell him to leave. You don’t know what she was like before, when he used to come around.”

Bucky was startled by the fierceness in her tone. “What do you mean?”

“He… I don’t know what he did to her, but she was different when he was around. Quiet. Sad. He made her cry, I know it was him. She would never say it… but it was him.”

“Did he hurt her?”

“I never saw him hurt her, but he always made her cry.” Winnie knew that she was breaking through Bucky’s resolve and pressed harder, eyes pleading. “I’m saying that a man like that doesn’t change. And she deserves better.”

Bucky glanced over at your door once again, a volley of thoughts flying back and forth. He wanted to push this all away. Pretend it wasn’t his problem. To not get involved. He didn’t know you. Not really. Those hopeful conversations you’d initiated didn’t mean much. Neither did the kind smiles you always offered him.

He listened again. The sound of laughter had died down and he clutched at excuses for an escape. “But she let him in,” he said weakly.

“James!” she said so harshly that Bucky was surprised that the sound had come from such a small woman. “You’re a good man, are you not?”

Bucky blanched. Was he?

Winnie ignored his reaction. “Just check on her. Make sure she is alright.” 

He ran his hand through his hair before raising his arms to placate Winnie. “Fine, fine. But if this goes badly, you owe me one of those apple pies everyone's always raving about.”

A jubilant smile spread across Winnie’s face and nodded. “Go!” she pointed at your door before pushing him towards your door.

Bucky watched Winnie scurry away back to her apartment and he took a step forward. He took a deep breath and knocked firmly on your door. His heart inexplicably pounding in his chest as he waited for you to answer.

You opened the door to find Bucky standing there.

“Hey,” he said, sheepishly.

“Bucky... errr, hi. What're you doing here?"

“I… I—” Bucky scrambled for an excuse, wishing that he had thought this through more thoroughly before initiating contact. “I think one of my packages got delivered to your door by mistake. You don’t mind me checking, do you?”

You frowned at him, searching his face for the real reason for his visit. Both you and Bucky knew full well that your packages were delivered to the concierge for you to collect when they arrived.

Before you could respond, Leonard came up behind you with another glass of wine in his hand. He looked Bucky up and down with a sneer across his face. “And you are?” he asked, voice tinged with disdain.

You answered before Bucky could speak. “This is my neighbor, Bucky. Bucky, this is my… this is Leonard.” You turned back to Leonard. “Bucky was just looking for his… package.”

Leonard raised a suspicious eyebrow, sipping from his glass as though he was appraising a museum piece. “Your neighbor, huh?” He paused, eyes looking Bucky up and down. “Didn’t realize you were running the postal service from your apartment, babe.”

You cringed at his words and glanced at Bucky, in embarrassment.

Bucky, however, remained totally unphased. “It’s not. I just came over to check if there had been a mistake.”

“Well you can clearly see, there’s nothing here for you.” He straightened up to full height, stepping closer to you and placing a possessive hand on your shoulder.

“Why don’t you let me decide that for myself,” Bucky said with a scowl.

Had you just imagined the slight growl in Bucky’s voice? Beside you, Leonard bristled. No, it hadn’t been your imagination. Bucky rested his arm against the door frame, the action making his sleeve ride up. There was a change in your neighbor, one you hadn’t seen before. You’d seen many different sides to him, but today he looked like a different man. There was a coldness you’d never felt around him before.

Is this what it meant to be face to face with the Winter Soldier?

You shivered slightly. Both Leonard and Bucky noticed.

Leonard turned back to you, shooting Bucky a dirty look in the process. “Cold, babe?” he asked, sliding his hand up and down your bare arm as though it was the only thing keeping you warm. His touch sent goosebumps down your spine, but not in a good way. “I think we should close the door and get you warmed up. I’m sure your neighbor wants to get back to whatever he was doing.”

Bucky’s jaw tightened a fraction, you almost missed the twitch in his face. “I don’t think she asked for your opinion.”

Leonard laughed, his voice filled with derision and it made you wish the floor would open up and swallow you up. “You’ve got some nerve, asshole. You think she needs some Avengers wannabe to come sweep her off her feet? Trust me, I’ve got this covered.”

Your eyes widened with shock and disbelief. Leonard had clearly recognized Bucky and you were appalled by the display of arrogance he was showing. You opened your mouth, but you couldn’t find words that would explain his behavior.

But Bucky had no intention of backing down. If anything, he doubled down on his intimidation by leaning in further to the doorway, making it impossible for anyone to be able to shut the door. “Covered, huh? Funny how that looks like an invasion of personal space.”

“Look, Bucky,” Leonard spat out his name, dropping all pretenses now. “I don’t know who you think you are, but this—” he gestured at you and your apartment, “is none of your fucking business. So take a hint and get the fuck out of here.”

Bucky’s expression hardened and you could see the icy fire blaze behind his spectacularly blue eyes. He didn’t raise his voice, in fact the deadly calm that seemed to settle over him felt more intimidating than anything you’d seen before. “The way I see things, Leonard, is that the second you start treating Y/N like a prize to be won rather than a person, it becomes my business.”

Your eyes widened at Bucky’s words and you could sense Leonard’s composure slipping. He was starting to become impatient and it reflected in his words.

“You don’t know anything about us.”

“Maybe, but…” he looked Leonard up and down before meeting his gaze, “I can see that you don’t respect her. That’s all I need to know.”

The air had left the room. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t speak. Your heart pounded in your ears, drowning out all other sound.

“You know what? I don’t need this bullshit.” Leonard turned to you, letting out a humorless laugh, “I thought you wanted someone who could handle your needs, not this… boy scout!”

“Leonard, wait—” you called after his retreating figure. But it was too late, Leonard disappeared down the hallway without so much as a backward glance.

Silence filled the space between you and Bucky. You could feel your anger level rise from a low simmer to a bubbling rage. “What the hell, Bucky? Why did you do that?”

“You’re welcome,” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“You couldn’t have left well enough alone?”

“Just trying to help.”

“Help?” Your voice rose an octave, reflecting the mild state of hysteria you felt in that moment. “You just scared off the one person who was probably willing to be my date to this wedding!”

Bucky laughed derisively. “Willing? Not sure that man does anything willingly.”

“What does this have to do with you anyway?” you demanded. “This isn’t your problem. It’s mine!”

You looked at his silent face and held out your hands in a frustrated shrug, inviting him to speak and explain himself.

Bucky stared at you, searching for an explanation other than ‘Winnie said…’ You watched as his shoulders slumped in defeat. “You’re right, it’s none of my business.” He turned to return to his own apartment, stopping as his hand rested on the door knob. Bucky twisted his face back to look at you. “But you deserve better than that guy.”

And with that, you were left standing alone in your doorway. One step further away from where you had started.

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Posting schedule will be Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays around 2.30pm EST / 11.30am PST / 7.30pm BST

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: The Intermission (p. 1154-1357)

Read the previous post here.

Apologies for the late post. Work has genuinely been kicking my ass. But now it's time to read the Midnight Crew Intermission. You either really love or really hate this section of the story. I've always been a fan, so I'm looking forward to going through it.

The Intermission is more in-line with the spirit of Problem Sleuth than the rest of Homestuck. Hussie is returning to the old adventure game format and jokes, like this one where interacting with one item transforms it into a completely different item.

Despite being a bloodthirsty mobster, Slick is quite prone to acts of silliness when dictated by the reader commands.

I like how the digital clock on Slick's own computer counts as one of the clocks in the Felt's mansion.

I love the Felt. They're like a lineup of Dick Tracy goons. I also appreciate how this page gives subtle hints about what each of their powers are.

There are a number of times where a command to switch the POV to one character instead goes to a different character. I'm not sure if there's any logic here, or if Hussie is just being needlessly confusing in an already very elaborate part of the comic. My gut says the latter.

Doze without a doubt has the worst power out of all the Felt. It's only useful in this specific use case where he's resistant to interrogation, but that wouldn't even be needed if he wasn't getting captured all the time.

You know, "WARdrobe" was right there. I know Slick's inventory is already called the "War Chest", but is there even a pun there? Why not call it a "Battle Chest" like Battle Chess? They're living chess pieces. Come on.

Super speed is such a high tier power, yet Itchy is felled with no effort. It's kinda funny how most of the Felt have these incredible powers and could easily trounce the MC if not for the fact that they seem to collectively share one brain cell.

It makes me wonder if the MC and Felt's rivalry had only consisted of harmless cartoon antics up to this point. And it's only after the Felt "knocked over" one of Slick's favorite casinos that MC decided to escalate to murder. I'd compare it to how the '60s Batman TV show was campy slapstick, but modern Batman media has since transitioned to being much grittier and more violent.

I need a version of this comic page with Clover being shocked about Slick killing his friends.

Unlike the previous carapacians we've seen (WV, PM, AR), Slick has five fingers instead of four. I think he, Droog, and the Queens are the only ones with five fingers.

Meanwhile Deuce only has three chunky fingers. I'm not sure what the deal with that is.

A lot of people like to infantilize Deuce in the same way they do to WV. Here's a reminder that he reads erotic magazines just like the other Crew members.

See what I mean? He is a grown ass man, people.

Trace is my favorite Felt member. I like his goofy underbite and the way his coat collar makes it look like he has a shark fin on his head. His power of seeing and interacting with people in the past is also pretty cool, even if it gives him away as soon as he starts messing with them.

It's a nice detail including Deuce in the panel since Droog had alerted him to where Trace will be at this point in the future.

I love this panel. I believe Hussie just grabbed that image of the cane without realizing what it was until this point.

It's telling that the only timeline where Slick is dead is one where he died before he was able to rebuild society.

This might be a contender for the horniest page in all of Homestuck.

Biscuits has no special powers or anything, he just wants to be included. I love that.

Fin, despite having the power to see what others do in the future, was unable to react to Droog smacking him with the cue stick and getting pumped with bullets. Again, these guys are all morons.

Remember when this was the only clue we had about Lord English's appearance and everyone thought he was going to be some tall, rail-thin Tumblr Sexyman? Good times.

I'm a fan of this detached method of writing how the characters talk to each other. There's a lot of personality being conveyed in what they're saying even though none of it is being presented as dialogue. Unironically it feels more natural to read than the standard dialogue box format.

Snowman can do whatever the hell she wants and all anyone else can do is just watch. The benefits of having your lifespan inextricably linked to that of the universe.

Also, I don't think it needs to be said, but "Three in the Morning" is a god tier track.

Nearly every mention of Sawbuck comes with a jab about his weight. Don't come at me with asks saying that it's just Slick being an asshole. We all know whose "voice" this really is. (Hint: It's the guy with all the fat jokes on his Formspring).

I wonder how many people remember that Slick is a canon zoophile.

Slick's "rapier wit" strikes again!

A strong contender for most gruesome death in all of Homestuck.

So does this mean that it's set to go off a few seconds after the point Biscuits would exit the oven? If the oven behaves normally and Biscuits is just sitting in there until the timer goes off, that must be the case. The wording is very awkward though.

Cans's ability to punch people into the future might make him the most powerful of all the Felt. No wonder the MC was hoping he wouldn't show up.

I like that the detail about the shopping trip is included.

It's noteworthy that this early look at Karkat's room doesn't look anything at all like how it appears when he's properly introduced. Also, this is the sole appearance of Crabsprite, which stings a bit since we don't ever get a proper glimpse of what Karkat's relationship with his lusus is like.

This was a fun little diversion. Not a lot to talk about here other than how much I enjoyed a lot of these gags. I kind of wish that Hussie expanded upon this and made a whole adventure with these guys detached from Homestuck. It would've made for a nice follow-up to Problem Sleuth, something more true to that story's tone and humor.

But that would never come to pass, unfortunately. Now it's back to business as usual. Act 4 awaits.

Read the next post here.

[walnutbun]

Just want to say, @ all of you self-proclaimed "leftists" and "progressives" who refused to vote for Harris, whatever your reasoning:

FUCK YOU.

This is on YOU.

You knew what was at stake here, and you STILL did this shit to us. You decided that strategic voting was somehow above you, that your perceived moral superiority was more important than the rights of women, LGBTQ+ people, minorities, and basically everyone who isn't a cishet white Christian male.

Trump won because of you, and now he's got the Senate - and quite possibly the House, too. You know what that means? Even more far-right "justices". Say goodbye to gay marriage - it was nice while it lasted. Oh, and don't kid yourself - there's no chance in hell he's keeping his promise to veto a national abortion ban. Even if he does, though, the Supreme Court will make it law for him.

Speaking of kidding yourselves, don't even try the "it's only four years" shit. The Supreme Court already took care of that - he's got total immunity for anything he does that's related to the "core powers of the office". I'm sure that he and his buddies can think of a way to ensure that, even if he can't stay President, we never see another Democratic POTUS.

Oh, and by the way: HE'S WORSE ON ISRAEL, YOU FUCKING MORONS. With Harris there was at least a chance to talk her out of supporting the genocide - with Trump, Gaza will be lucky not to be nuked. Say goodbye to Ukraine, too, since everyone knows Trump is in bed with Putin. Hell, Putin's probably already preparing a "justification" for continuing to march the Russian army westward.

I'd say that I hope the lower grocery prices was worth it, but he won't even do that - his tariffs will drive prices of everything through the fucking roof (on top of the greedy corporations who - spoiler alert - were the ones driving the recession in the first place, trying to recoup lost profits from COVID).

All of you. You all decided it was OK to gamble with other people's lives. Even if the gamble had worked out, you'd still have been horrible people for risking it - but it didn't work out, did it?

On behalf of those of us who will suffer because of your selfish choices, fucking thanks. I hope the ability to pat yourself on the back and say "well at least I didn't vote for someone who supports Israel" was worth the death, destruction, and suffering that he'll inevitably cause.

[mikooss]

A little drabble I had made a while ago for my Lookism ocs. I might go into more detail about them but for now have this little fic.

I kinda like it so I hope you do as well

The mess made in the kitchen was insane. What was supposed to be a therapeutic baking session with Ji-Hye, Taehan, and Aki turned into a war of who has better taste in ice cream.

“It's vanilla. It's a classic. Plus it can never go wrong.” That's how Ji-Hye's mind works. “Besides you can put anything on it-” being cut off by a punch to the side by the worse amazing Taehan.

He let out a scoff as he wiped his hands, “It’s chocolate.” Ah yes. The simple answer comes from him.

It never took a genius to figure this guy out. Besides he used to be way more talkative, at least before the accident.

Aki cleared his throat before speaking, “everyone is wrong here.” He stated as he had his usual smug smile on his face.

This already made both Taehan and Ji-Hye annoyed at him.

“The best flavor is Cookie Monster.” He even went as far as to do jazz hands. His usual confident and happy mood switched as he heard what monstrous thing Ji-Hye said.

“Isn't that just cookie dough?” she questioned. Mainly for his childish taste. “No you idiot, it's more like cookies and cream.” Taehan countered.

As the two were arguing about what cookie monster was more similar to, Aki took the opportunity to throw eggs at them. “You morons! Cookie monster is cookie monster!”

This was the breaking point of the whole ‘war’. The three of them got into this major fig her, both physical and verbal.

Flour was everywhere and so were other types of foods that they threw. This huge commotion alerted General, their boss and somewhat of a father figure to all three.

He made his way over to the kitchen that used to be clean and stopped at what had happened. He knew that he had to jump in to stop this madness.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

After what felt like ages, he was finally able to calm everything down. The three children perfectly matured adults all sat on the floor. “Who threw the first punch?” he calmly asked. Even though he seemed calm, he was completely ready to throw all three out of the window.

Both Ji-Hye and Taehan pointed at Aki while Aki pojted at the two of them. “They started this whole ice cream shit.” Aki was so pissed that a little argument about ice cream turned into what had happened.

“He threw eggs at us!” Ji-Hye shouted. To which Taehan nodded his head in agreement.

General already had his patient wearing thin. To give him less of a headache he order the three of them to go clean the kitchen and go shopping for any grocies wasted; however, before he left General told the three of them something important.

“Mint chocolate is the best.” those were his final words before all three of them yelled at him for his horrible taste.

Even though they caused a mess and his major headache, he was glad to see them acting like kids. After they were robbed from their childhoods at a young age. It was a nice change in environment.

[thelittleghoul]

Hi there. It's always nice to see more people in the agere tag. I wanted to ask if you would be able to write a story with 2007 tmnt Raph and Mikey. Raph comes back from patrol and is very injured so Mikey tries to patch him up and Raph ends up regressing. Please and thank you

Hi!! So I don’t know how to write for 2007 I haven’t watched the movie BUT!!! I can make it non specific to a certain tmnt show/movie!! Love the idea btw 🩷🩷

Mikey helping an age regressed Raph

Notes: non specific tmnt version, age regression, oneshot, Mikey and Raph only, no x reader, fluff, tiny bit of angst at the start

CW: Injury, medical supplies, slight cussing

Rain was crashing down in New York City, the sun had already fallen and danger was sure to arise in the late hours. Mikey had chosen to stay in the layer for the night since there was no alerts of any serious danger (yet) and the other three brothers were confident in there abilities to take on this nights patrol without him. Mikey was sat reading comic books in the main living area when Donnie’s sensor went off that someone was entering the layer, Mikey sat up thinking he’d see his brothers walking back in soaking wet from the cold rain but to his surprise and dismay, he saw a a limping and cut up Raphael.

“Woah dude what happened to you out there?!” Mikey said rushing to get Raph off his feet on onto the couch. “Ambushed by the foot clan. We were stopping a robbery and they came out of nowhere, guess we were too loud beating up those morons huh?.” Raph said slightly chuckling at his joke but quickly wincing in pain instead. “Yea I bet you guys were bad ass.”

Mikey was Donnie’s second in command for medical in the family although he can be dense, he has a big heart for his brothers which is a important factor for taking care of people even if it’s just physically and Donnie knows that. With wanting to care for his brothers (and having Donnie’s printed manual) he was actually a pretty good nurse in the family. While Raph sunk into the couch for comfort, Mikey brought over the first aid kit pulling up a chair to start his work.

“Leo and Donnie are-“ “There fine. I was tying up one of the robbers outside while Leo and Donnie were in the building, the foot clan came out from one of the alleyways and jumped me.” Mikey took out the rubbing alcohol and cotton balls his thoughts clumped up with worry and melancholy. “Don’t panic dude I can work miracles, call me doctor do it right.” Raph rolled his eyes “How about I call you doctor dumbass?” “Not cool man.”

“Good news you’re not gonna die.” Mikey said in a chirpy voice. A short time passed of cleaning and patching wounds which helped Mikey’s distressing thoughts settle down. He locked up the first aid kit getting ready to put it back into its rightful place untill he heard Raph softly say.

“…tank you”

Mikey looked back at Raph questioning his word choice to see the man in red playing with the ends of his bandana. “Finally I get a little apprecia- OHHHHH.” Mikey quickly stored the first aid kit and grabbed a blanket for Raphs bed. He also snatched one of his fidget toys from his bedroom drawer. He headed to the tiny Raph laying the blanket ontop of him and placing the soft toy into his hands. His eyes lit up as he brushed his fingers on the soothing texture and babbled in glee. Mikey moved the chair closer to him grabbing one of his comic books that was lying on the ground. “Want a bed time story little dude?” “…mhmm.” Raph muffled tucking himself into the covers. “One Spider Man comic coming right up tiny bro!” Mikey started flipping to the first page but before he could start reading Raph stook his hand out to stop him.

“You a good bwother.”

“You too little guy,” he smiled and began to read the first page.

[usafphantom2]

SAC Crew Dogs: B-52G Training Folly

This isn’t a boom operator story; this is a somewhat funny story about how sometimes the bureaucracy makes crazy decisions. It probably has something to do with how New Commanders Can’t Do Anything too. This story is also about the mighty Big Ugly Fat F*cker, the BUFF, the B-52G. I must state here in the beginning, I’m no expert. I’ve never even flown on a B-52 (tried to, but never got the opportunity), but the single gunners lived in our hallway in the dorms, and I was friendly with a couple of them, and they’d tell us stories. They were Crew Dogs too… and SAC Trained Killers.

At Loring, our B-52s were G models which were configured for conventional bombing and it’s the reason our BUFFs didn’t pull Alert. They couldn’t carry nukes, but they had a whole host of conventional missions they could fly, including low level bombing.

Some geniuses with the brass decided they wanted to be able to watch the BUFFs drop their training bombs without having to drive to wherever the bombing range was, so they setup a target area on the far side of the runway.

Let me tell you, there is nothing more impressive, or scarier than seeing a B-52 screaming along at around 300 feet above the ground traveling at, what looked to be, about 400 knots dropping a small cement bomblet on the airport. Not sure how heavy those bomblets where, but I’d guess around a few hundred pounds, maybe lighter (if you know, let me know and I’ll update the story.)

But at the same time, we were like, “What a bunch of morons, what idiot came up with that idea?” And it didn’t take long to prove what a bad idea it was.

One day a B-52 came scream along, dropped its bomblet, and it got hung up. The crew, aware of the malfunction, quickly closed the bomb bay doors as they were passing along the end of the runway, but unfortunately, they were just a tad slow. The bomb released, and pushed its way through the closing doors just as the aircraft was passing over the base’s perimeter fence.

There was a nice pizza place outside the East Gate, maybe a ½ mile down the road called the Rendezvous. We used to go there often. Well, some poor bloke, just trying to get some lunch, had the unfortunate experience of having a bomblet land on his car. Fortunately, no one was hurt or worse.

Needless to say, we didn’t see our B-52s screaming around at 300 feet and 400 knots anymore.

@tcamp202 via X

[upon-sunflower-trails]

love, well i've waited for you... (part 1)

richard hayden x fem reader | 809 words

work below the cut!

next

It had been a few years since you had visited Callahan Auto. Maybe an additional upgrade to your car here and there, but that was about it.

Yet here you were, sitting outside the office of 'big tom' himself. You had gone to high school with the man's son about seven years ago, and now here you were, getting interviewed for a job.

"Y/N L/N?!" You heard a voice call, and your head snapped around to see a familiar face.

"Tommy Callahan." You smiled softly at him, the man enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey, Y/N, what are you doin' here?! I thought you were a big hotshot journalist now!" Tommy cackled, and you sighed.

"Well, I’ve always wanted to be writing reports for Callahan Auto more," you stated dryly. Tommy scoffed, patting you on the back before continuing his questions.

"No, I’m being serious! How’ve you been?"

"Well, Tommy, the newspaper outlet in Sandusky just couldn't cut it anymore, and they had to let me go. Now, instead of reporting on thrilling things like a cat getting stuck in a tree, I’m interviewing here to write reports on gas pedals." 

Tommy laughed at your monotonous tone. "C'mon, have some enthusiasm! I can ensure you get a job here at my dad's place!" You raised an eyebrow at this, not really wanting to be let in on a nepotism scheme.

You turned your attention back to tommy. "Well, what've you been doing back in town? Thought you were some rugby star now," you teased. Tommy seemed to find this hilarious.

"Oh, I just got back from college! A short seven years, huh?" Your eyes widened at this, but you tried to hide your surprise.

Tommy Callahan graduated from college?!

"Seven years, huh? Are you going to be a neurologist or something?" You replied coolly, knowing the answer.

Tommy laughed nasally, "Nope, but I got a D+ on my history final! Oh, oh, and I passed my English course by remembering what you told me senior year about writing, about, like… the echoes and the patties and the loggers!" you scoffed.

"Ethos, pathos, and logos, Tommy."

"Whatever!" he exclaimed. You had to admit, you'd missed the class clown of your graduating year. In all honesty, you hadn't thought much of your high school years after you'd graduated, but it felt nice to catch up with an old friend.

The door to big tom's office opened, and he stood in the doorway to find you and Tommy talking. "Tommy! And... Y/N?" he added your name with a tone of confusion. You sighed.

"Yes, sir. I’m here for the job interview." Big Tom tilted his head and made eye contact with Tommy.

"Well, uh, you're hired."

Your eyes nearly popped out of your head at the man's words. "I-I'm what?!"

"I’ve seen your work ethic ever since you were fourteen! Trust me, if I let knuckleheads like ol' Tommy Boy here run around working at this company, I think I can take a chance on you."

You breathed out in awe, shaking Big Tom's hand firmly. "Thank you, Mr. Callahan! You’ve saved me a tremendous amount of time and effort!" you sighed. The man simply laughed.

"Please, you're not a little girl anymore! Call me Tom, really! Now, where's Richard..."

Tommy hugged you tightly again, spinning you around. "YES! WE'RE GONNA BE WORK BUDDIES!" He shouted, probably alerting everybody on the same floor as you. You chuckled, not wanting to cause a scene.

"Tommy! Get back here, you moron!" you hear a voice ring out from the end of the hallway. Tommy drops you immediately, whirling around to face the source of the voice. You straighten out your blazer and brush off your dress pants before stepping away from Tommy to look at the source of the voice.

"Richard? Richard Hayden?!" you exclaim, a smile making its way onto your face at the sight of one of the only people in high school you got along with. Richard snapped away from lecturing tommy to meet your gaze.

"H-oh! Y/N?! What are you doing here?" Richard seemed to be caught off guard by your presence, and Tommy simply grinned as he threw an arm around you.

"She works here now! With us! Isn't it great, it'll be just like high school again!" Tommy shouted. You scoffed and shook your head.

"Yeah, Richard and I being the sensible ones while you just get into trouble," you teased. Tommy just laughed at you while Richard rolled his eyes, smiling.

"No thanks, I’d rather not relive high school, Tommy. Now, come on. I need to show you the rest of the building."

Tommy waved goodbye to you obnoxiously, with Richard also nodding to you as the two boys went on their way. You gave a short wave before turning away.

"She's pretty," you heard Tommy 'whisper', albeit much louder than he meant to. You heard Richard slap tommy on the arm, shushing him. You laughed to yourself, shaking your head.

This new job would surely be eventful.

[quilna]

I had ideas for a demon au beach day (Jekyll, Lanyon, Hyde, Rachel, and Jasper) and thought you might like it:

-Jasper gay panicking upon seeing Rachel in a bathing suit (not even like a bikini, just a regular one piece bathing suit)

-Lanyon being Concerned by seeing Jekyll’s scar thingy

-Jasper doesn’t bring a swimsuit because ✨dysphoria✨ and spends the visit people watching and looking for crabs

-Rachel was planning on swimming, but the water is really cold so she hangs out on the shore

-Jekyll either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care about the cold water

-Hyde is colder than the water

-Lanyon feels like he’s dying of hypothermia but doesn’t want to look like “weak” in front of his crush good friend Jekyll

-Jasper burying Rachel in the sand

-Hyde with a squirt gun. Enough said.

-Rachel and Jekyll work together to catch a fish in a bucket for Helsby

-Jekyll and Jasper dealing with demonic sea life while trying not to alert anyone else

-whole group sand castle competition

-Hyde and Jekyll use telekinesis to cheat

-Rachel had to help Lanyon with his castle

-Rachel packed a picnic lunch for everyone

-Hyde demonstrates his lack of a gag reflex using a hot dog and Lanyon gets flustered

-Jasper throws Lanyon in the water to “cool him off”, and Lanyon chases him around the beach to get him wet

Ooooo I do like it indeed!!!

Jasper would so get teased by Hyde for his reaction to Rachel in the bathing suit

Jekyll is out there concerning everyone with his scar. He probably should have brought a top or something but he forgot about the scar situation and now he has to deal with having it just on display. Maybe Jasper gives him a spare top because he notices how uncomfortable Jekyll is with everyone staring at it constantly

Poor Jasper with his dysphoria but at least Rachel ends up hanging out on shore anyway so he doesn't miss out on a nice swim or his time with her. I can imagine him showing Rachel the various crabs he had found and explaining the biological features of all of them while Rachel listens, enthralled.

The fact that Hyde is colder than the water makes me imagine him actively making the ocean colder when he's in it. It's like when the water is warmer around a specific person but in reverse. Maybe someone annoys him and the water around him actively starts developing spots of ice and Jekyll has to quickly bat them under the water so nobody notices

And fghdgfdfgd Lanyon braving the freezing water to not look weak - he absolutely would and would probably get hypothermia as a result. Going straight from the beach episode into the sick episode because Lanyon is a moron

Man, Hyde with a squirt gun. And he can probably turn that water into an icy slush when he really hates the person he's squirting (RIP to Lanyon who is about to get Double Hypothermia-)

Oh man, Jekyll would be so bad at catching a fish in a bucket, it would probably escape every time. Rachel would absolutely be the one to catch it in the end. Although it would be fun if it was combined with the demonic sea life - they start off trying to catch a fish but then the fish turns out to be a demon and suddenly Jekyll has to deliberately mess up their every attempt to catch it to avoid Rachel getting a demonic fish in her bucket while there is a fish repeatedly attempting to bite them or electrocute them or any other number of attacks

Also, demon seagulls - the worst kind of demons.

Lanyon: "Huh, the seagulls sure hate you, Jekyll, do you have food on you or something?"

Jekyll, standing there, being attacked by a swarm of demon seagulls: "...No idea."

When you mentioned them using telekinesis on the sandcastle building contest, I just imagined them moving one grain of sand at a time with laser focus-

I'm not sure they're good enough at their powers to use it to make a really cool castle but they can probably use it to sabotage everyone else, an idea that I think Hyde would be on board with but Jekyll less-so. I think they would either win by default because Hyde destroyed everyone else's castles or end up losing anyway despite cheating. Rachel is probably the winner

Ohh yeah, Rachel would absolutely have to help Lanyon. I don't even imagine Lanyon would have that much experience making sand castles so he gets the wonders of learning it. The result is awful but it's still a new experience

Rachel and her picnic lunch - I imagine she would have managed to pack a cartoonish level of food in a very small basket somehow. She starts pulling different dishes out and then keeps pulling them out long after she should have run out of basket space- She's got every kind of sandwich and cake and plates for everyone and napkins and crisps and drinks and just everything. I wonder if she would also barbeque up some burgers and sausages - I think Jasper would appreciate that. In fact, I imagine despite the sheer amount of food she brought, she would probably still be cleared out come the end thanks to Jasper and Hyde

Hdhfgdhfgdhs the hot dog thing- Hyde would definitely be showing it off too just to get a reaction out of people. Most people respond with disgust except Lanyon. Poor Lanyon

Noooooooo Lanyon suffering more of the cold water! He's going to return home with TRIPLE Hypothermia! Though Hyde helping him chase down Jasper with his squirty gun full of slush water afterwards (He absolutely helped Jasper dump him into the water to begin with though- He's just an agent of chaos and Lanyon is more forgiving towards him because he looks like Jekyll. Puppy dog eyesing his way out of consequences)

Anyway!!! All great ideas, thank you so much for the ask!!!!!!!

[irenewsky]

My experience watching 9-1-1, or alternatively, my slow descent into madness.

Made the decision to watch all of 9-1-1 from the beginning since I’ve only ever watched episodes of it here and there when my mom was watching it. So, I thought it would be fun to document the experience.

Spoiler alert, my favourite characters in this show are Buck and Eddie. Expect a lot of text about them. Also, they only have seasons 1-6 available in my country and the 7th is only now being shown on tv so… no seasons 7 or 8 in this one.

Here we have it. Prepare yourselves, long as fuck post incoming. And spoilers, obviously.

Season 1

Oh, Abby. Right. You were a character in this show. I forgot that you existed.

OMFG CHIMNEY HAD AN IRON REBAR GO THROUGH IS HEAD??????!!? I did not remember this

HEN NOOOO DON’T CHEAT ON YOUR FUCKING WIFE

”You can always ask for help if you need it” *bobby nods* ”help” istg that had me in tears

”I killed my family” the hot pastor and I had the exact same look of shock on our faces.

Rip abbys mom ig

Early season 1 Buck and Seasons 7-8 Buck are like night and day

Season 2 (took me through the wringer)

It’s somehow very funny to watch how Buck is trying to be a little stand-offish toward Eddie as is they aren’t gonna become the bestest of friends.

The fucking insane move to introduce Eddie to us by making other characters point out how beautiful he is, showing him changing clothes and having Whatta Man play in the background. Oh and then have Buck act like a jealous brat pulling on Eddie’s methaphorical pigtails

Nothing as bonding as removing an active bomb from a man’s leg 🤝

Urgh this Taylor Kelly girl pisses me off. She probably has her reasons for being the way she is but right now, at this very moment, she’s giving me hives

Bobby doesn’t like her either! My man! 🙌🏻

Aaaand now I’m crying over an elderly gay couple. Like actually, properly sobbing. They stayed together, even death didn’t do them apart 😭

TOMMY?!? He was introduced to us in season 2 (Hen’s episode)??!

The old chief Gerrard was an asshole. A true piece of shit.

They called each other ’brother’ exactly one (1) time and it both sounded and felt so wrong I'd be glad if that never happened again

”You two have an adorable son” no way she just said that. bless you santa’s elf. And buck didn’t even have the heart to deny it

NO WAY DOUG WAS THE MAN WHO CHIMNEY MET AT THE MOVIE RENTAL! FUCK!

NO CHIMNEY STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT MADDIE! HE’S HER ABUSIVE EX

NO NO NONONONONO CHIMNEY HE’S BEHIND YOU NOOO CHIMNEY FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

Ah, the asshole chief is back

I feel bad for Howard. Seasons 1 and 2 really have made life kick his ass

Tommy. My dude. What the fuck. ”If I ever even thought about you, I probably wouldn’t [like you]” like damn, okay

Chimney just can’t catch a break huh

I really, really, really hate guns. Truly one of the worst inventions ever

”Guess I’m a man in a uniform too, huh” is that uniform a turd shaped costume?

IN THE FACE?! WITH A FIRE POKER?! Let’s goooo Maddie

Holy shit Maddie. That’s…. Wow

Bobby: *gets suspended and tried to plan a wedding* also bobby: *becomes an agony aunt to 118 crew*

This bomber kid is a fucking idiot! It’s not the 118’s or Bobby’s fault that his dad is a moron

Rip Buck’s leg. Also, the people were so quick to go and help lift the entire fire engine off buck’s leg. Humanity and compassion win again.

Season 3

christopher and buck being besties! This is what I’ve been waiting for 🗣️

Buck? Shit. BUCK!

Blood clots???? Aw man that’s not good

”You could have died” ”but I didn’t” this show in a nutshell

Is this the ”life kicking Buck’s ass” season?

Wait. Wasn’t there a real life case where a woman cut a baby out of another woman because she had been lying to her husband about being pregnant? Or am i tripping?

Uncle Buck! Uncle Buck!

Sidenote: how is Buck able to afford this nice ass loft apartment with a firefighter salary? Granted, I have no idea what the salary is for a LA firefighters but I imagine it’s not much.

Hold up. Is this… is this the tsunami episode..? It is. Oh no.

You’re gonna amputate the man’s arm??? I feel sick. I hate things like this. Nah, I can’t. I gotta skip this.

”Buck… There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you” stoopppppp that’s so sweet

Ah yes, this is 9-1-1, a show where Evan ’Buck’ Buckley is always going through it. If you think you’re having a bad day, then rest assured, Buck is always having a worse one.

Not Buck and Eddie arguing in the grocery store like they're a married couple going through a nasty divorce and a custody battle

Buck, respectfully, the decision to sue the city and the fire department was and is a stupid ass decision. Bobby was right about you being a liability for the time being because if you got seriously hurt on job then you being on bloodthinners is gonna make things risky.

Good, the besties are talking again. Don’t stress me out here, Eddie and Buck.

Sooo when are you going to tell your bff about the illegal fighting ring you’ve been attending, Eddie? 🤨 and that you needed to be bailed out of jail? and that you wanted him to do that and were angry and bitter that you couldn't call him?

Bobby did ice skating? Not the kind of lore drop I expected but pop off king

Oh I love the relationship between Buck and Eddie

”Hey Buck, can I spend christmas with you?” Chris, buddy, you’re breaking my heart here.

Buck randomly throwing out fun facts is something that can be so important to me

2012 called. It wants its song back (Phillip Phillips? In 2024? I say)

”i guess there really is no honor among thieves” A SLY COOPER REFERENCE?!

EDDIE YOU CUT THE FCKN LINE?!

Buck digging up the ground and screaming Eddie’s name will never not hurt to watch

Eddie to his dad: ”you don’t get to make up for lost time with your children by stealing mine” *stares hard at season 8*

Buck feeling lonely and having a fear that everyone he’s ever loved has left and is gonna leave him… that, uh, that’s too relatable buddy

Buck has such a big heart and so much love to give. He deserves every ounce of happiness there is

Ain’t no way Abby ghosted Buck and then had the audacity to show up again but this time engaged to another man. Immediately no.

Also a long sidenote that I’m leaving here because I think this happens around seasons 3-4 of 911 canon timeline: I started watching 911 Lone Star after catching up with season 7 and the collab episode in season 2? I can’t believe TK thought Buck was (maybe) asking him out. Buck wasn’t even aware of his bisexuality at that time so my question is: just how much chaotic bisexual energy has this man been unknowingly radiating? And how did a firefighter from Texas, who by all means was a stranger until now, clock that so fast? Also! The fact that Eddie doesn’t really use social media (relatable king) but has posted pics about Chris and Buck there. And ofc, Hen being an actual badass once again! AND ALSO I’m never gonna forgive this show for never showing us the visit Eddie, Buck and Hen made to see Eddie’s family in El Paso. I feel robbed.

Season 4 (my bias for Buck is on full blast during this season (as if that wasn’t case in last season, too, or the upcoming ones))

I’m happy for Maddie and Chimney, but everything related to pregnancy makes me really uncomfortable

Happy that Buck’s finally going to theraphy. Also Copeland is a funny ass name for a therapist

Not Bobby lifting the robot vacuum out like it’s a misbehaving dog lmaoooo

If I remember correctly, there was a deep dark Buckley family secret buried somewhere there

*Eddie throwing out a fun fact* ”I can know weird stuff too” you’ve spent a lot of time with Buck huh

Hildy - Eddie’s new arch enemy

The fact they didn’t make a baby box for Buck is fucked up. Truly shows how little they care for him. Also, the fact all of the family has been lying to him for decades!

Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to get another child to save your other sick kid and then not love and care for the kid that you brought into this world after the other one dies???? Fucked up. It’s no wonder Buck feels unloved, invisible, and unworthy of anything good, when this is the kind of shit he had to grow up in the shadows of.

And the fact that he felt like he had to get hurt or do something reckless to get at least little attention??

I look at younger Buck and all I feel is this intense big sis instinct kick in

Not Bobby and Michael stalking the next building neighbour and his suspicious trash lmao

The vibes I’m getting from Ana Flores… I don’t know how to feel about them. She might be cool but rn idk

You’re telling Chris about Ana already? Isn’t it a bit too soon? You’re not even sure if this relationship will go anywhere, let alone last. Chris certainly didn’t seem too happy about to hear about it

Chris ran to Buck?? That’s so sweet. He just needed a friend, someone to talk to.

Oh thank god the pregnancy plotline is done. I don’t have to feel uncomfy anymore

Buck is so popular with the kids 😭 love that for him

How is Taylor not interested in Buck’s random facts?? That’s one of the things I like about him. I love it when people have their own points interests and are enthusiastic about them.

Oh yeah the police chief from the Grimm is a police in this one too. What a type cast lol

Nooo, mom and dad are fighting 😭 (athena and bobby)

EDDIE HOLY SHIT HE GOT SHOT NO NONONONONO!

And the way Buck and him just looked at each other for a moment. The sounds around them becoming muted, ears ringing, disbelief evident. 

I just realized… Buck crawled under the fire engine… despite being crushed by one in the past. The adrenaline kicked in real hard.

GET HIM BUCK! GO GO GO GO GO

”Are you hurt?” It’s very sweet of you to be worried about Buck but now is not the time eddie

”I need you to hang on” he’s begging. Buck is begging for eddie to fight. I’m crumbling in pieces.

Oh buck, he is barely holding himself together. He’s shaking like a leaf.

Well, Buck, you’re now Chris’ guardian for the time being

Not Buck just breaking down in tears 😭 you’re gonna make me cry too

I think I’ve cracked to code for why I don’t really enjoy Taylor. It’s bc I like her more as Buck’s friend than I do as his love interest. like, she's cool and ambitious and it would be great to see more of her outside of this relationship

”Still. I think it might have been better for him [Christopher] if I was the one who got shot” boy what the actual hell are you saying. As if Eddie would ever agree with that

FUCK! NOT BOBBY TOO! SHIT

You made Buck Christopher’s legal guardian should the unthinkable happen to you? I was half joking when I said Buck was his guardian for the time being but okay. ALSO, you did that 2 years ago, meaning you two had known each other less than two years at that point. If that doesn’t demonstrate the level of love and trust then I don’t know what does

...This will scene is going to haunt my every waking thought and my every dream from this moment onward, isn’t it

Also, the way Eddie hates the thought of Chris going to his parents because ”it’s not what I wanted then. It’s not what I want now”. Oh season 4 eddie, you’ll hate to see seasons 7 and 8 coming

”But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him” shut up omg. You two istg. 

Season 5 (*phew* what a season):

eddie? I think it’s normal to get panic attacks over getting shot. But it is kinda sus that the attack hit the moment the sales associate thought Ana was Chris’ mom

This piece of shit Jeffrey has such a punchable face.

I should add Eddie to the group of ”always having a worse day than you.” Buck’s there already so he at least has company

Ah yes, a panic attack. Totally normal reaction to having your girlfriend be confused for your wife (please talk to someone Eddie)

”He takes Christopher there [the zoo] all the time. Has the place memorized” i hate you two so much (affectionate)

Sometimes the music choices are too spot on lmao i love it

Yeah, maybe breaking up with Ana is the better choice here all around

Buck and Chimney can now form a new group called ”victims of Maddie just up and leaving when they needed her and when it was clear she herself needed help” …it’s a very exclusive group

Claudette needs to grab a piece of humble pie real quick. Her holier-than-thou attitude is not it (she pisses me off)

”There’s no shame in asking for help” May didn’t ask tho??? jesus fucking christ Claudette. Let. Her. Do. Her. Job.

Oh look, it’s Lucifer - locked up, planning to escape and make people’s lives a living hell (yes, this is a Supernatural reference. Yes, I think I’m hilarious)

The universe is not gonna give Buck and Eddie a break, is it? A hostage situtation? Really? Starting to sound like an average Tuesday for these two

The way Buck screamed Eddie’s name after thinking he got shot again 😭😭

Buck, that burnt orange colour looks so good on you. Really brings out the blueness of your eyes 👌🏻👌🏻

Ain’t no way this show is still edging me with the back story to Chimney’s nickname. It’s been five whole seasons.

I kinda love having the Grimm cop in this show too. Don’t ask me why bc idk

Oh how I wish this proposal goes well for Micha- HOLY SHIT AN EXPLOSION

Actually obsessed with Buck and his floral patterned dishwashing gloves (I love this dorky trivia-dumper so much)

Buck having to listen to stories about his dad’s (bobby) sex life. Scarred for life.

Christopher’s just as particular about decorating the christmas tree as I am

Ah yes, every girl’s dream christmas gift: a portable generator

YOU’RE LEAVING THE 118?! Eddie! You’re just gonna leave everyone? Leave your partner??

Oh Eddie’s gonna be absolutely miserable. That man is not made for a boring and steady 9 to 5 desk job

I feel like I’ve neglected to show my love and appreciation for Bobby so here it is. I love Bobby. Best team dad

Okay Buck, what happened to staying loving and loyal to your girlfriend??

Not both Eddie and Buck digging holes deep enough to reach Australia for themselves… these two I swear

*sighs* fine, I’ll add Maddie to the list of ”always having a worse day than you”

The Buckley siblings have it rough man

Eddie’s struggling as well. Glad he’s going to theraphy.

Okay, I’ll admit. Taylor has started to grow on me. I still don’t like how she was ready to use Bobby’s addiction and grief to get a newsworthy piece but she does seem to like Buck and she doesn’t deserve to get cheated on, even if it was ”just” a kiss that ”didn’t mean anything”

What in the Magnus Archives episode 16 is this. The dude’s buried in spiders and web.

Chris is lucky he has a working Macbook. Mine would end its puny existence if I even tried to play a game more taxing than ”A Date with Death” on it

The fact that Chris called Buck when he was scared and knew his dad needed help 😭 there’s so much trust in that boy’s heart towards Buck

Eddie and Buck really have seen each other at their best and at their lowest

The heart to heart convos between Eddie and Buck are what I live for

Buck truly goes over and beyond for Eddie and Chris. I mean, introducing them to Carla even though Eddie didn’t ask him to, taking Chris and Eddie to equine theraphy because he thought it might be fun for Chris and to make Eddie see how his actions helped Charlie, being always ready take Chris to school if needed… He is such a good man 🥺

Like, I look at those two and all I can think of is that one Grey’s Anatomy quote ”you’re my person. You will always be my person”. I’m going fucking feral (if you haven’t noticed already)

Also, shoutout to the tumblr user who pointed out that Eddie told Chris that he was just happy to silently listen to his late wife yap… and now Eddie listens to Buck’s in depth ramblings about things he’s done a wikipedia deep dive into… the parallel… i’m unwell.

God, I love Karen and Hen. Let’s go lesbian’s let’s go

Claudette’s still testing me. That condescending attitude is driving me nuts.

Buck was so shaken by the reality that he could have actually lost Bobby who is, for all intents and purposes, his only real father figure 😭

WAIT CLAUDETTE DIED?! I didn’t like her but I also didn’t want her to die!

Wait. Wait wait wait. Did mr. Monday kill her???

Saw a post saying that Hen and Chim match each other’s freak perfectly and I can do nothing but 100% agree

Why are you two so domestic!!? 🗣️🗣️🗣️

Who the FUCK tells their 10 year old son to man up and be the man of the house?????? That’s a child!! Man, both Eddie’s and Buck’s parents are fucked up

Buck being the first to end the relationship?? Therapy and boundaries look good on you, my man

Eddie, oh my darling Eddie. You have NO idea how good of a timing you had with that visit to see Bobby. Oh my god.

Season 6

New season, same old domesticity. Cooking for Eddie and Chris, joking about exes, just having grand old time together… god I love this trio

Aww Buck is so desperate to make a good impression so that Bobby would choose him to be the vice-captain while he’s away. Kinda cute, but also a little embarrassing ngl

Okay, why is Eddie pouring coffee actually one of the most attractive things I’ve seen in this show??? My aroace self is actually a little shocked. I don’t know why that specifically got to me lmaooo (ryan guzman, you are one beautiful man) (S6 ep. 1 at 31:52)

Oh, Hen, you’re stretching yourself way too thin

Hold up. Ain’t no way that the little girl, who went missing when Athena was a child, has been buried underneath their house this entire time

Buck becoming a sperm donor wasn’t the kind of storyline I was expecting from him this season but okay sure I guess 🧐

I want to ride my bi-cy-cle 🗣️🚴🎶

Hen and Buck, drunk as skunks, listening to their friends resuscitate an overdosed dog - my heaven, I love this show

Trouble in the Diaz household. It ain’t easy being a parent to a pre-teen

Why am I stressed about Hen’s test re-do 😭 guess you can leave higher education but the higher education stress does not leave you

Not Chim wingmaning Hen and Karen together. A true bestie

The gods of Pompeii might actually hate you girlie pop (or maybe it’s just a greedy man and your assistant)

”Four weeks of abstinence” ”it’s starting to sound like a whole another type of emergency” *laughs in asexual*

Eddie ”i’ll believe it when I see it” Diaz

Connor and his wife: ”I hope we didn’t make this awkward for you” well, if I was Buck I would be praying for the ground to swallow me so no, not awkward at all

BEES 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Unle Buck 🥺 he loves Jee so much

The little onesie for Connor and his wife’s baby 😭 oh buck the man that you are

Dry thunderstorm… this can’t be going towards what think it is…

It’s weird to hear Chimney call Buck ’Evan’

Chim’s dad: ”a man cannot raise a child fathered by another man, it’s unnatural” well that’s a stupid ass opinion

You know the opinion was shitty when even the Buckley parent’s are ready to defend their son

Buck getting hit by lightning. Eddie screaming Buck’s name. Yelling at Buck to talk to him. I’m unwell

Was that Eddie doing compressions on Buck??? 😭

”We’ll do our best” ”do more!” Oh. Oh my heart

The fact that Buck’s in-another-life fantasy is about him having a loving and caring family 😭😭😭 Sucks that Doug is there and that bobby’s dead. AND Eddie doesn’t have custody of Chris??? yeah, scratch everything I said. This is a nightmare.

Eddie can barely look at Buck and is crying as Chris talks to him 😭 i’m unconsolable

Buck, 911 Lone Star S2 ep. 3: ”my captain is not my dad but might as well be.” May: ”Mom brought two kids into this marriage. And you brought one” bobby and Buck’s father-son relationship is actually something that is so important to me 🥹

Aww Buck ran to Eddie’s place to get away from his many visitors. His safe place

Yeah, Buck seems to be at least okay with how things are with his parents currently, but me? I don’t forgive and forget that easily. They should be groveling at Buck’s feet, begging for forgiveness.

Math wizard Buck!

Eddie looks SO good in that turtleneck and blue suit 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 exquisite. Maroon velvet suit looks fantastic on Buck, too.

No way Eddie brought Buck to a secret poker den

”3 minutes and 17 seconds” You counted the time Buck was dead down to the exact seconds???? Oh, eddie. I mean, if my person, my soulmate, died then I too would have counted

Human calculator Buck and his biggest hype man Eddie

Tía Pepa setting Eddie up for a blind date… I wish I could say I don’t relate to his frustration, but unfortunately I do. The talking to that I gave to my aunt… oh I was positively livid.

Ravi Panikkar my boy hello, long time no see

I swear to god, Eddie is so demisexual and/or demiromantic coded it’s not even funny. Eddie, I’m gonna gently hold your hands as I tell you little something about aro and ace spectrums

Eddie shouldn’t be forced to date if he doesn’t want to. I mean, compulsory heterosexuality and amatonormativity are shitty as fuck. I would know!

And so the saga of ”Eddie being pressured into finding someone to date” continues… poor dude (I hate that I can relate)

Very wedding and relationship heavy, these last few episodes

Hello Natalia. Bye Natalia. (is it weird that I actually have this certain fondness for her after reading a pic that started as Buck/Natalia and Eddie/Marisol and ended with Buck/Eddie and Natalia/Marisol? Such a good fic)

Omg no, Ravi is a landlord

Oh right this was Marisol

Omg no. No no no no no. Eddie’s in the van!! He's being crushed!

”i’m fine” eddie, you have multiple broken ribs. You are NOT fine

To be fair, Kameron did herself a solid by going to stay with Buck because at least he’s trained to help with this whole giving birth thing. Also, it is not lost on me that he’s helping her give birth to a child he kinda helped to bring into existence. Poetic cinema. A full goddamn circle.

My god SOMEONE give this man a child

Also, you might have to burn your couch Buck. Sorry.

Okay, Marisol seems really nice (too bad I already know everything that’s gonna go down in this relationship (love you tumblr). It ain’t gonna be pretty)

[doctorstrangereview]

0025: Strange Tales #133

Cover Date: June 1965 On-Sale Date: March 11, 1965

Doc gets some good cover real estate this month and is even first, occupying the left third. It's a Kirby original based on the story inside. Kirby's interpretation of Strange is improving, but still a little bit off. The other exciting thing is that there are not one, but two women on the cover! For a series that barely acknowledges the existence of women, we get two in major roles! We had to journey to another universe for this to happen. Yes, this is one of the side trips in this story arc.

Our splash page shows Doc's silhouette in white against an unknow background vaguely reminiscent of the dimension Mordo sent Doc's house back in issue #117. Moving back to Mordo, staying the Ancient One's pad rent free, he is talking with Dormammu on the floaty, smoky TV. Mordo believes he's destroyed Doc, by Dormie corrects him. "No, you idiot. He skedaddled outta there. Are you so stupid you couldn't sense it?" says Dormie. "You gotta charge me up so I can follow him," replies Mordo. "Are you still being a moron? There are infinite dimensions. We'll have to wait for him to show up again."

Nearby, Clea is apparently listening in on all this. Looks like Earth isn't the only place where magical beings can't be bothered with security. Clea frets for a bit, but has no ideas, and these panels just fill the rest of the page without moving the plot forward.

Back to Doc. He's turned into a big, black marble that is bursting through some very wet dimensional barriers on his journey. They do look very cool!

Eventually, Doc's spell runs out of steam and he winds up... somewhere. By an amazing coincidence, he reforms right near an important character to this story. The character is so important, neither Ditko, nor Lee bothered to name her. Stranger danger lady warns Doc to go back whence he came. She succinctly explains that her mad sister has stolen her throne and will kill any strangers. While Queen-in-exile remains nameless, her evil usurper, we discover, is named Shazana. While the two banter, one of Shazana's guards capture the two of them.

Doc is brought before her and attempts some friendliness. Shazana's having none of it! "My sister brought you here. Just a moment while I conjure a spell to kill the both of you!" Doc manages a counter-spell which alerts Shazana to the fact that he is also a magician. Shazana tries again and Doc fends it off but is too weak for anything else. "Maybe she'll think I'm always this useless" Doc thinks to himself. For some never explained reason, Shazana doesn't try again to kill them.

Shazana then realizes her sister is a weak little pain in her butt and send her to her room. Doc conjures a distraction to give him some time to rest and regain some strength. The distraction arrives in the form of a Shazana toady telling her she needs to accept tribute. "I'll be back, stranger, and then you'll see!" Shazana leaves. Doc is still to weak for just about everything, including going ghost, so he has no choice to wait as a weird creature looks in on him.

We have a brief interlude at the Ancient One's secret cave where Hamir, his retainer, is busy retaining him. The old dude continues to babble on about helping Doc. The keyword "Eternity" is absent this chapter.

Back across the infinite dimensions, Doc has encountered the weird little creature when he has an idea. "This odd little dude hangs around Shazana a lot. I'll bet it knows something," and proceeds to probe it's mind. I'm not sure if these creatures can give consent and therefore the morality of this action is unknown to me.

We get a nice, terse origin for Shazana. She enticed a magician to teach her magic, killed him and stole the throne. Her power all comes from a glowing globed hidden in the funky looking throne in the funky throne room.

Doc then sends an image of his all-purpose amulet's eye to the unnamed sister and tells her to meet him in the throne room.

More mystic TV! How awesome!

Doc and the nameless one wait for Shazana to finish banishing the tributaries for insufficient tribute. She heads out to taunt her captives and finds them gone. "Oh Crap! My magic globe!" She heads back, but Doc has used the time to start blasting the funky throne with his amulet. The throne fades away revealing the globe. Doc shatters it, making Shazana powerless. Unnamed lady reclaims her throne as her sister is driven mad. Doc heads back home. Best of luck Nameless Majesty, long may you reign.

It's silly and the plot isn't very original, but it's a nice diversion from the main arc. In many ways it's a traditional fairy tale. If we look at our women, the good girl is a blond while the evil one is a brunette. I don't know if that's intentional. They are dressed similarly with odd headgear. The deposed queen has an extra tress of hair sticking out the top of her head. Perhaps that denotes her higher rank. Shazana is dressed in green. I'm not sure if it's Ditko or the colorist, but they do like green for their villains. Onward!

[canyouhearthelight]

Nihilus Rex, Ch. 12: Aftermath

Here we have what should be the last really technical chapter for...hopefully the rest of the book. Fingers crossed. Although I am sure we can sneak some more stuff here and there if someone asks for more technical stuff, just not so many unending chapters of it.

As always, on the even-numbered chapters, I wrote while @baelpenrose co-wrote and beta'd.

Some legends are told

Some turn to dust or to gold

But you will remember me

Remember me for centuries

And just one mistake

Is all it will take

We'll go down in history

Remember me for centuries

Fall Out Boy, “Centuries”

Lash

“I heard it was part of a bigger hack.”

“Everything I’ve seen about that goes back to some QAnon boards. They think everything is a conspiracy.”

My heart rate picked up just a bit as I looked over dozens of similar conversations across several message boards.  It was entirely too close to home, but felt completely surreal at the same time - I had been part of a coordinated attack against major financial institutions, and no one even believed the scale of what had actually happened.  Not even the people directly impacted, if everything from our botnets was accurate.

In the immediate aftermath, over truly horrendous spinach pie and far too many dolmades, Nils and I had kicked around what-ifs and half-assed contingencies.  It had all boiled down  to keeping an eye on our feeds, waiting for updates from Bishop if he caught anything, and laying low until the attack had aged out of the news cycle.  If online communities started piecing anything together, the plan was to sow misinformation and redirect.

We had definitely called it on the news portion - pundits were still arguing over whether the slain men were heroes of the middle class out to free people from the bonds of financial indenture, or anti-capitalist villains trying to destabilize the global economy.  Every late night show had a self-referential monologue about the deceased, followed by a person-on-the-street segment with split opinions like some ghoulish, real world version of the Boondock Saints.  No one could agree if their goal had been just the one attack, or if there was a secret manifesto somewhere with their ultimate strategy.  What everyone did agree on, however, from the Department of the Treasury, to the OCC, to all major news networks, was that the people responsible had been gunned down by police.  Body camera footage had been released, sometimes uncensored, with all six men declaring loudly that no one else was involved, nobody had put them up to this, nothing had inspired them. 

No One. Nobody. Nothing.  Anyone who had interacted with Nils online and had two brain cells left to rub together would have known immediately.

Except… Our damage control had done its work for us.  Every single time I had been alerted that someone was suggesting a larger plan, the same response had come: That’s QAnon nonsense. A conspiracy. I bet you think the moon landing was fake, too.

Nils had joked about his handle then. “Would you buy that my handle is also an Odyssey reference to be a contingency for exactly this?” He’d said, half joking.

I squinted, half smiling at the memory. “I bet your minion morons believe that.  I do not.  Especially not having seen how far back your handle goes, in some form or another.” She waggled a bite of food at him. “Nice try, though. The bravado almost sold it.”

“Fair enough. Speaking of handles, Lash. Can I get your real name?” He’d said, as they’d shared dinner after the fact. “I haven’t tracked it down as a matter of respect, but we’ve been friends for a while and I would like to know. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

“You aren’t allowed to use it,” I had made him promise. Something about sharing my first name had always felt too… exposed. “Not in person, not via text, not at all.”

He’d given that weird smile that seemed almost like his signature, the one that seemed like he was laughing at something somewhere else, and said, “I promise. I’ll only call you Lash.”

“Then I will tell you when all this dies down and you can’t rat me out to the authorities.” He hadn’t been expecting that, and I winked at his shock. “Shouldn’t be too hard. Not like you would rat me out anyway.” Truth be told, I liked having him at something of a disadvantage.

He inclined his head at a little bow, “As you wish, Lash.” He raised a glass. “This was really fun though. Good working with you.” 

Now, I was staring feeds on three monitors, a week out, watching the entire financial sector and public refuse to believe anything more serious had happened than six armed men breaking into a major bank Guy Ritchie-style.  All three of us had expected some form of damage control, but there was nothing to control.

Almost like I had cursed myself, my phone started buzzing violently across my desk, sending me to my feet hard enough to almost knock my chair over.  “Spam Spam” showed up on my caller ID - Bishop.

“Please take me off whatever list this is,” I answered carefully. Bishop did not call me. He messaged me through about a million proxies, but calling was a no-no.  Paranoid did not begin to describe the man’s communication habits.

“Just a moment of your time, Miss,” the voice came through. “I am calling on behalf of Bloomberg to offer you a one year subscription for only $1 per week. That’s all your basic financial and stock news, for $52 a year.”

“That’s nice, but I’m broke,” I sighed, taking note of the site before hanging up.

My stomach sank when the phone buzzed again, this time a message from Nils. “Uh. Quick meetup somewhere secure. We may have overshot slightly. In a good way.” 

Definitely not good. “Let’s meet at the usual spot. We need to talk about the project for class, anyway.” I sent the message and didn’t even check for confirmation before gathering my stuff with one hand while I checked my news skimmer with the other.

Well, fuck.

Nils was waiting at the shitty hacker cafe, and he looked tense, eyes sharp. He barely waited for me to sit down. “So. There’s a thing. Remember when we were making the worm? And we had to shave some stuff off to make it small enough to still function? And we had to simplify some of its seeking parameters? Uh…it…I just realized that everything in Blackbox…”

“Shut the fuck up,” I hissed, glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention. “You and B reached out within about five minutes of each other, and he managed to tell me to check the news. I saw. We overshot by a couple orders of magnitude, yeah.”

“Yeah. Explains why no damage control. Until someone leaked it, I don’t know that they were legally allowed to admit it could be hacked.” 

“We need coffee,” I stammered out, running a hand over my head. “And B. But coffee first.” Without waiting, I bounced up and ordered for us both. When I came back to the table, he was bouncing a knee - not out of place in a place that specialized in caffeine addiction for the ADHD set, thankfully. “I don’t suppose you carry a flask or something? Could only make it taste better.”

“My flask is for energy drinks when I need caffeine in emergencies because my head is starting to hurt from withdrawals, so, no. It absolutely would not. I appreciate the suggestion though.” Nils’ voice was flat. “I’ll reach out to B and tell him to get over here. We have a bit of a security concern to address. A slimy, perverted security concern to address.” 

“He doesn’t know my actual name or my face,” I told him pointedly. “I’ll drive the bus if you’ll do the throwing, it comes to that.”

“He knows your handle, he’s better than we are at breaking encryptions and worse about boundaries, he absolutely knows your name.”

“I don’t think anyone is going to trust any records scavenged from a defunct elementary school or a birth certificate. Those are the only places my actual name is listed. I don’t even drive.” I thought about it for a minute. “But backing up his stuff remotely to make sure we have any sex trafficking or worse would be a good idea.”

“Honestly I was thinking simpler. We have a crime that he was accomplice to, he can’t blackmail us without incriminating himself without claiming he didn’t know what it would be used for. He might get immunity for the tip, but that takes time. He’s attempted to solicit you for indecent shit a lot, and attempted to get me to engineer…basically letting him do sex crimes, a few times. I kept the messages after turning him down, you? If nothing else it kills his credibility as a witness and ruins any ability he has to get us convicted of anything.” 

I gave him a dirty look. “What kind of amateur do you think I am? I have all my dirt on everyone backed up where no one can find it except me or my parents. External drives, somewhere safer than that server we just fucked up.”

“Of course, my apologies.” He looked a little calmer with the idea that Weasel was handled. “They’ll try to trace us but our databombs will have made such a brutal hash of anything they could trace that they won’t know where to start looking. At a guess they’ll move to a different system against future hackers - and I don’t envy the next suckers to try this.” 

I tapped my chin, trying to think what Bishop would point out. Something simple we would be missing. I wasn’t good a peopling, but Bishop was surprisingly adept - “They have six dead bodies, a drive designed to fuck shit up, and six cell phones that had been in contact with you.  So, first link is you. Let’s start there.”

“Burn phone, pre-paid, cash, with an out of state number, picked up ages ago for something else entirely, under an alias I no longer use, again invented for something else entirely, and called through wifi service using a vpn. Said burn phone has now been utterly destroyed with its remains scrubbed of fingerprints and the remains tossed into a dumpster, whilst I was not carrying my normal phone, on the opposite side of town from where we normally spend any time. I think that about covers it.” 

“I don’t ever want to hear anyone say women watch too much true crime,” I muttered. “You literally could have just taken it apart and used a belt sander on it, handed the pieces to a makerspace. Or donated it to a Goodwill bin.”

“I’ll remember that for next time.”

Bishop showed just after that, making a point to ignore us while getting his coffee and sitting at a table two over from us, facing away.

“I knew getting involved with both of you at once would get exciting. So. We want to talk about what you little maniacs have been discussing before I got here so I can go over what you missed?” B’s voice was vaguely amused, and a little tense. “I should mention, I’ve already gotten a message from Weasel. He put it together. Hopefully you two have a contingency for that.” 

“Oh, the usual,” I answered airily, arching a brow at Nils. “Blackmail and making sure there aren’t any other tracks to cover. Nils overdid it with his phone, but it should work.”

Harvey’s voice took on an amused note. “Alright then. I’ll tell Weasel to pound sand. Am I to take it you kids had fun the night of the job?”

“Food was hit or miss, and there was some half-delirious contingency planning around damage control.” I rubbed my face. That felt like a decade ago.

Nils was looking embarrassed and Harvey looked amused as the older man continued. “Pity. You two were getting really wound up and I was hoping you’d be able to take a load off that night. From the looks of things, Nils’ usual bullshit and choice of pawns is working out on deflecting suspicion against a bigger conspiracy - I think the feds are reluctant to give conspiracy wingnuts credibility.”

Someone isn’t paying attention to politics, I mused internally. On the surface, I just smiled and took a sip of my coffee, suppressing a grimace at how bitter and nasty it was. Cold brew…. How hard did you have to try to fuck up cold brew, I swear. “Either way, the damage had controlled itself so far.  Any updates since you called? I checked my skimmers right after, but the news was sparse.”

“So far an announcement that 4Chan white supremacist boards are going to be looked at more seriously as a breeding ground for stochastic terrorism coming from the FBI, unsurprisingly now that they’re affecting rich people.” 

Nils gave an evil chuckle. “Oh good, that’s a pot I was stirring a bit ago. Unmanaged retaliation against cops in a predictable timeframe for whatever happens to them and we can let the system eat itself and look away from us, thank you very much…”

The only reason my head didn’t bounce off the table when I dropped it is because my arms cushioned the fall. “Don’t get me wrong!” I held a hand up blindly. “After the revenge porn thing, yes, scrutinize breeding grounds. And at least everyone knows the guys who are currently taking the fall are not - “ I pointed at myself emphatically. “But I am not a fan of ‘unmanaged’ retaliation against a group with airtight legal protections and a poor track record of reading perp stats correctly.” It was the most polite way I could say ‘racist assholes’ without everyone in the cafe looking at me.

“Options: I have to actively take command of the right wing gun nuts a la some shitty real life Code Geass-ripoff shenanigans to manage them, or I let their anti-government shit lead them to fight actual problems for a change, or I let them continue believing that the Jews were running the world and that everyone who couldn’t pass a paper bag test were their foot soldiers in need of shooting - right as the ax was about to fall on them. Guess which option I figured involved the least collateral damage? If you prefer I decide to go whole hog on the aesthetic and try ripping off Lelouch vi Britannia harder, which to me seemed worse than telling them they were going to have a cop problem rather than a Jews run the world problem…” Nils response was less annoyed than exhausted, and unlike our previous conversation where it was clear that he hadn’t thought it out and felt bad about it, his tone indicated that he’d thought this one through and had simply picked the least evil available option he saw. 

Thankfully, Bishop’s unending focus on ‘simplest solution is best solution’ saved me palm abrasions and an assault charge from strangling the cute but dumb motherfucker on the spot. “Since the heat right now is on an actual breeding ground for incels, alt right, and revenge porn entrepreneurs, we could just let them chase their tails and keep laying low. White collar crime is historically white, et cetera, ipso facto Columbo Oreo.”

“I like that idea,” I agreed, putting as much reluctance as possible behind the sentiment. Realistically, Nils as Commander and Chief of the Fucknuckle Wingnut Army was not giving me the warm and fuzzies.

[skylarmoon71]

Alexander (Grimm) - Crossover AU - Chapter 2

You were settling in quite nicely.

When you learned about Wesen and Grimms three months ago you didn’t think it would lead you here. There was still so much you didn’t understand, but you liked your new job. Transferring in might have been one of the best decisions you made. 

Had you never joined Portland PD, you probably would have still been oblivious to the world around you. While it was terrifying, your father always told you that knowledge is power. You could prepare better when you knew what you were dealing with.

“So I heard you met Alexander, that must have been interesting.” Rosalee’s statement earns smiles around the table. You just roll your eyes as you take another sip at your wine.

“He’s a moron. Thinks he’s the baddest thing around. Men like that are so easy to read. My baby sister could probably do it.”

They all laugh at your clearly annoyed expression.

“It sounds like he got under your skin.” Adalind inputs.

You place your glass down taking a vicious stab at your meat. They all send you a look and your shoulders relax at how hard you’d stuck the knife in. With a low grumble, you look away.

“A guy like that doesn’t even bother me.”

“Sounds like he’s bothering you a lot. “ Monroe states. You send him a glare and he laughs nervously.

“On second thought I could be wrong.”

Nick chuckles.

“I’ve never seen you rip into someone that quickly no matter how mad you were.”

“It’s nothing, can we please just change the subject.”

“Sure sure.” He said, but you spotted the playful smiles they all wore. It’s clear this topic would pop up again.

~

“Ms. Jane, you have a visitor.”

Opening your eyes, you looked up at the officer. The dark hair and sharp suit behind her caught your eye. You just nod, and she waved him over. When he walks up you don’t bother to raise.

“I have to say I’m intrigued. Typically law enforcement personnel are assigned desks.”

“I like the couch, it helps me think. Is there something you need? I thought you went back to the Netherlands.”

“How did you know that I-”

“Educated guess, what do you want?”

He paused for a second, searching for the words. Every conversation with you made him more intrigued.

“I came to offer an apology.”

“How very noble of you.” Your sarcastic quip was expected.

You finally sat upright, and you intended to dismiss him, but an officer walking by caught your eye. There was a man sitting patiently at the visitors area eyeing the officer in a way that indicated something that couldn’t be good.

Standing, you brushed past Alexander.

“Stay here.”

It was a whispered warning. When the man stood from his seat, you moved in his direction. His eyes were so focused ahead that he didn’t pay much mind when you ran right into him.

“I-I’m sorry I’m so clumsy.”

He brushed off your apology when you straightened. The officer earlier was walking back in your direction and when you saw the man reach for his jacket pocket, you spotted the confusion on his face.

“Looking for this?” You held up the gun and he looked startled.

“Nick!!”

The call alerted Nick and when the man tried to make a run for it he was tackled to the floor by two other officers. They all seemed to flock. In a matter of seconds the entire precinct was aware. Nick moved to your side and you handed him the gun. The officer from before looked stunned. You just let out a breath.

“Word of advice, don’t mess around with other people’s wives.” He looked shocked at the accusation and the man was thrashing around when they pulled him off the floor.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN SLEEP WITH MY WIFE YOU PIECE OF SCUM!! I’LL KILL YOU!!”

He was yelling the entire way out and the officer simply swallowed.

“Good job.” Nick said with a grin.

You nod, yawning as you move back to the couch. Alexander just watched you lay back.

He didn’t really have the right words.

For the rest of the day, it seems quite uneventful.

Alexander had left shortly after his visit without really explaining what he wanted. You didn’t think much of it. You were positive he would find some way to annoy you again. Swinging your keys on your finger, you exited the building. You didn’t expect to see the familiar azure hues upon your exit.

“You’re still here?”

“We weren’t able to have a proper conversation earlier. The commotion was quite distracting. I wanted to have a word with you alone.”

“Why?”

You were generally curious.

“I believe what you do is quite incredible. Your observation skills are outstanding. Although I’m assuming you might have gained the abilities from your father, Patrick Jane.” Your jaw clenched.

“Why are you researching me?”

“I just make a habit of knowing all the players. I would hate it if we were enemies.”

“Are you threatening me!”

“No, I was simply stating that-”

“Listen to me, if you so much as breathe in the direction of my family, I’ll end you. Do you hear me!”

You looked furious and he realized at that moment that he took the wrong approach. You’re clearly protective of your family for obvious reasons.

You storm off and he watches as you jump into your car and pull away.

This might be a step in the wrong direction. 

[vicshush]

[ID: A photo of a gray cat with white markings on muzzle, feet, and chest, in an elongated wire cage with angled door at one end. A person is lifting the cage with two hands by a handle in the middle of the top. /end ID]

My sister brought her cats to visit my parents. My parents' cat was Not Cool with this, growling and muttering, but did nothing else. This display, however, was apparently enough to drive one of her cats to flee into the basement (which we thought was blocked off, but it seems that was not the case).

This moron feline proceeded to hide down there for almost 2 weeks.

He ignored calls from both of his humans, offers of treats, and a nice bed to sleep in, in favor of hiding, collecting cobwebs, and probably eating bugs. His hiding spot was located at one point, and he ran away from my sister when she tried to fish him out, to hide somewhere else never identified. Cat cams were employed to track his movements, to little avail. We hauled a considerable amount of basement junk around trying to find him. Food and water and a litter box were left out to sustain him, which he'd use intermittently, usually at times when everyone was asleep or away. My sister sat in the dark for hours, waiting for him, and he clearly saw and sauntered or skittered away from her, on two separate occasions. She set up Wiley E. Coyote level box-propped-up-with-a-stick traps.

The method that finally captured the fugitive, though, was a feral cat cage, with a pressure plate by the food dish that closed the door at the other end.

Hooray for happy endings (though now she's gotta take him to the vet to get checked over, just in case), but what a brat cat.

(Please note, from all the observations, live and via the cat cams, he did not appear frightened: tail was mid-low, but not brushed up or lashing, ears were alert, stride was open even when running from my sister. He was most skittish when the cat cams turned to follow his movements. He was pretty apparently Having An Adventure.)

[pollstuck]

You are suddenly the awesome coolkid.

In a different game session.

In the future.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

TG: what the fuck was the point of this again TG: why did i ever agree to go along with this horseshit GC: B3C4US3 YOU H4D TO, 1T W4S 1N YOUR FUTUR3 GC: 4ND B3S1D3S YOU MUST US3 D1PLOM4CY TO W1N OV3R YOUR CONSORTS GC: S33 LOOK 1NSUFF3R4BL3, TH3Y 4LL LOV3 YOU NOW! YOU 4R3 TH3 H3RO, 1TS YOU >:] GC: NOW TH3Y W1LL G1V3 YOU 4LL TH3 S3CR3TS OF TH3 L4ND TG: what secrets TG: they dont have any secrets TG: look at them theyre morons TG: the only secret theyve got is how many times a day they accidentally flush their medical alert bracelets down the toilet GC: 1NSUFF3R4BL3, TH3Y 4R3 STUP1D 4ND Y3T V3RY W1S3 GC: YOU H4V3 MUCH TO L34RN 4ND 1 W1LL K33P H3LP1NG YOU L34RN 1T! GC: 3V3N 1F YOU 4R3 4 HUG3 CRYB4BY WHO 1S 34S1LY UPS3T BY CHOPP3D V3G3T4BL3S TG: ok im gonna change out of this wet suit TG: and into a dry shut your fucking mouth GC: >8Y BLUHHHHHHH

TG: there now i wont be satisfying your crazy red fetish either GC: >:'C GC: NOW 1 4M CRY1NG TOO YOU S33 WH4T YOU D1D TG: all you get to smell is black TG: like licorice or something TG: you hate licorice right GC: 1 LOV3 L1COR1C3 TG: shit TG: ok lets say i dont smell like licorice then TG: i smell like TG: a coal miners asshole GC: TOO L4T3! GC: 1T 4LR34DY SM3LLS L1K3 L1COR1C3 S1NC3 YOU S41D TH4T, 4ND NOW 1 C4NT UNSM3LL 1T TG: whatever TG: anyway TG: probably bout time i got on with this game TG: sans these pointless sidequests you want drag me through for kicks TG: later blart nice knowing you GC: W41T! GC: YOU C4N'T D1TCH M3, W3V3 GOT 1MPORT4NT STUFF TO DO TOG3TH3R TG: unlikely GC: OH GC: H3Y >:o GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY N4M3? TG: you told me remember GC: Y34H, BUT 1 THOUGHT YOU FORGOT! TG: why would i forget GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 4 PO1NT OF FORG3TT1NG! TG: oh TG: i guess i forgot i was supposed to forget GC: W3LL TH3N GC: M1ST3R 1NSUFF3R4BL3 PR1CK GC: 1 4M GL4D TH4T YOU FORGOT TO FORG3T >:D TG: uh alright TG: im still gonna go off and do my own thing though TG: later GC: W41T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TG: dammit what GC: OK 1 G3T TH4T YOU 4R3 TH1S R4D LON3R 4ND YOU TH1NK YOU H4V3 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT GC: BUT HOW 4BOUT TH1S GC: 1F 1 4M M34NT TO H3LP YOU, TH3N YOUR FUTUR3 S3LF OUGHT TO V1S1T YOU R1GHT NOW 4ND G1V3 YOU 4 THUMBS UP, R1GHT? GC: 1T W1LL B3 YOUR W4Y OF CONF1RM1NG TO YOURS3LF TH4T 1 C4N B3 TRUST3D GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y YOU WOULD PL4N TO DO TH4T 1N TH3 FUTUR3 1F YOU 3ND UP R3GR3TT1NG MY H3LP GC: DO3S TH4T SOUND F41R? TG: yeah fine but i doubt that i TG: oh fuck there i am hiding behind that column GC: >8D

TG: ok so whats the plan GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU WOULD N3V3R 4SK GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY PL4NS GC: W3 4R3 GO1NG TO B3 SO BUSY 1NSUFF3R4BL3, YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 TG: thats cool TG: but whats the answer that doesnt have anything to do with meaningless bullshit GC: 1SNT 1T OBV1OUS? GC: NOW TH4T W3 4R3 4 T34M 1NSUFF3R4BL3 GC: YOU 4ND M3 GC: 1T 1S T1M3 TG: time TG: for GC: T1M3 TG: for TG: come on GC: FOR............ TG: ...... TG: ........... GC: ............................. GC: FOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.............. TG: god dammit GC: 4 MOTH3R FUCK1NG D4NC3 P4RTY!!!!!!! >:O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GC: http://tinyurl.com/OMGD4NC3P4RTY TG: whoa

TG: i TG: where the fuck did this footage come from TG: like that isnt one of your shitty drawings that's straight up footage GC: W3LL YOU S33 1NSUFF3R4BL3... GC: 1 DONT 4CTU4LLY KNOW >:? GC: 1T JUST SHOW3D UP ON MY COMPUT3R TG: look at us go TG: i cant stop watching TG: damn TG: those moves GC: TRUST M3 GC: TH3S3 MOV3S DONT STOP K33P T4K1NG PL4C3 GC: NOT 4T TH1S P4RTY TG: i can see im going to have to drop everything TG: drop it like its simultaneously hot and i just tripped over the rug TG: dedicate my undivided attention to this shit GC: 1NSUFF3R4BL3, WHY TR1P OV3R TH4T RUG... GC: WH3N YOU C4N CUT 1T????? >:] GC: T4PP4 T4P T4P 4 P4P! GC: SHOOSH SHOOSH! TG: damn youre right TG: truth be told everyone will be tripping when im done TG: once i upset this biznasty with my swift cuts TG: dudes will phalanx themselves agape like theyre offerin to store my shit in their mouths for the night TG: rows of glasseyed human fly catchers beholding categorical fucking domination of the dance floor TG: but they wont catch none cause the flys all mine GC: YOU H4V3 4LL TH3 D3L1C1OUS FL13S

TG: ok but seriously TG: who are these other guys were jammin with TG: is that a cyclops? GC: 1T'S CL34RLY 4 B1CLOPS TG: damn my bad TG: oh hold the fucking phone TG: is that nick cage??? GC: WHO 1S N1CK C4G3 TG: he's this really weird actor that zoosmell is obsessed with TG: why the fuck is he there GC: H3 MUST H4V3 PL4Y3D SGRUB TG: i guess that makes sense TG: shits already so goddamn weird TG: this might as well happen

TG: but seriously what is the real plan here TG: that has to do with not fucking around GC: YOUV3 S34D BUT S3R1OUSLY TW1C3 1N L1K3 TWO M1NUT3S GC: 4R3 W3 G3TT1NG DOUBL3 S3R1OUS TG: were getting double serious GC: GU3SS 1 N33D TO ST3P UP MY G4M3 TG: so what are we doing GC: W3LL, W3 N33D TO ST4RT M4K1NG YOU SOM3 MON3Y GC: LOTS 4ND LOTS 4ND LOTS OF 1T! TG: ok GC: WH3N YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP 3NOUGH GC: W3 W1LL BUY YOU YOUR F1RST FR4YMOT1F GC: TH3N YOU C4N ST4RT CUTT1NG OUT TRULY TH3 FLY3ST OF MOV3S GC: 4ND TH4T 1S WH3N W3 W1LL B3G1N TH3 MOST POORLY B3H4V3D D4NC3 P4RTY OF 4LL >:D TG: sounds cool GC: D3MONS 4ND D3N1Z3NS 4L1K3 W1LL TR3MBL3 B3FOR3 YOUR F1DG3TY GYR4T1ONS GC: 4ND MOST 1MPORT4NTLY, YOU W1LL PROV3 YOURS3LF TO B3 TH3 B3ST HUM4N BOY OF 4LL GC: W4Y B3TT3R TH4N TH4T DORKY POOPLORD 4ND WHO3V3R M1GHT B3 M3DDL1NG W1TH H1M 4T 4NY G1V3N MOM3NT TG: huh what an odd thing to say TG: it demands no explanation whatsoever GC: NO OF COURS3 NOT TG: so how do i start making all this money GC: P4T13NC3! GC: R3M3MB3R HOW 1 S41D YOU H4V3 PL3NTY OF T1M3 TG: tell me anyway GC: OK W3LL T4K3 WH4T YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP FROM CL1MB1NG YOUR 3CH3L4DD3R TO ST4RT W1TH GC: HOW MUCH DO YOU H4V3? TG: dont know TG: i never even looked at it GC: BL3333H, N1C3 JOB 4C3 G4M3R GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD H4V3 4 LOOK 4T 1T TG: k GC: 4ND TH3N 1 W1LL 4DV1S3 YOU L4T3R 4FT3R OBS3RV1NG TH3 GR4ND SCH3M3 OF 4LL TH1NGS 4ND 4LL 1NSUFF3R4BL3S GC: 1 W1LL L34V3 YOU 4LON3 FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3 TO W4ND3R 4ND 3XPLOR3 GC: BUT 1 W1LL B3 B4CK! TG: awesome TG: peace out p-b GC: >:) TG: oh shit GC: >:?

GC: WH4T 1S 1T????? TG: fuck