#niall's about to be banned

[jlf23tumble]

Jen what do you think about the Louis ban on UK and US radio stations?

I think it demonstrates a singularly spectacular lack of reading comprehension and/or curiosity about current music played on UK and US radio stations

[releaseholiday]

.

[harrywavycurly]

I can just imagine bff Harry and reader always sharing gossip over wine or coffee😂

Hiii lovey!!! Oh yes you know those two always have gossip to share with each other!! So I hope you enjoy these little conversations between them when one of them has something to tell the other😂💖

-find everything Where We Started here✨

“Harry? Are you decent?…Harry?” “Hmmm?” “Are you asleep? Get up I have something to tell you.” “S’not even seven in the morning….it can wait.” “It absolutely cannot wait now get up and I’ll have coffee waiting for you in the kitchen.” “Wait you’re…in my house? This isn’t…a dream?” “Do you dream about me often?” “Don’t be mean it’s too early to be mean.” “Oh stop whining and get up.” “Just tell me what it is and then I’ll decide if it’s worth getting up for.” “Niall has a girlfriend.” “Niall? Niall Horan? Niall James Horan of One Direction…that Niall Horan?” “Yes! Now get up!” “When the bloody fuck did this happen?” “While he was in London now please get up we have to go meet her.” “Meet her? When?” “For breakfast now I’ll pick your outfit if you’ll please start getting out of bed and go brush your hair and your teeth.” “Wait wait wait…Niall has a girlfriend and he didn’t tell us till we are headed to meet her? That’s a bit uncool don’t you think?” “Well uhm…I might have…known about her-” “and you didn’t tell me?” “He asked me not to until he knew it was serious.” “How long?” “How long what?” “Have you known about her?” “Uhm…since their first date…uh…two months…ago.” “Jesus! How did you manage to keep that to yourself for so long?” “It was hard now…get up.” “Sorry I’m getting up…but you’re not picking my outfit.”

“Did you drag me to a library to tell me this so I couldn’t scream?” “Possibly…yes…yes that’s exactly why I brought you here.” “Harry you can’t just drop this on me and not expect me to want to squeal and jump up and down this is huge news you asshole!” “Shhhhh you’re going to get us kicked out…it’s not that big of a deal it’s just a movie.” “Just a movie? It’s not just a movie…it’s a movie that you have one of the main roles in and you’ll be acting alongside Florence Pugh.” “And Chris Pine.” “I’m so excited!” “You are so loud…let’s get out of here before you get us put on some sort of list for people who are banned from public libraries.”

“Did you steal that bag from my closet?” “No I bought it off your website…you have these in your closet? And didn’t give me one?” “I figured you’d ask if you wanted one? You asked for the Pleasing sweatshirt when it dropped.” “So…why did you call this emergency picnic?” “I have some…news.” “News? About you or someone we know?” “Someone we know…” “ohh please enlighten me…who’s it about?” “Mitch…and Sarah…” “oh my god did they break up? Don’t make me cry Harry it’s not even noon.” “They are having a baby.” “Oh my god! I just said don’t make me cry!” “Ouch don’t go hitting the messenger! I just found out like an hour ago.” “That’s so exciting oh I love this for them.” “Yeah it’s gonna be cool to have another baby to be the god father of.” “Bold of you to assume you’re going to be this baby’s god parent.” “I’m the one who introduced them so uh yeah…I’m gonna be a god father.” “More like the weird uncle.” “Weird? I’m not…I mean…I’m not too weird like creepy weird or anything I’m just…me.” “Yes you’re just you and that’s why everyone loves you so much…you’re weird and it’s great.”

[allwaswell16]

A One Direction fic rec of fics that involve football (soccer) as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

—Louis/Harry—

⚽ Learning to Breathe by youcomecrash

(E, 110k, uni) He’s playing football at one of the top universities in England and he should love everything about his life right now, but instead he’s moving backwards

⚽ Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by @1diamondinthesun

(NR, 84k, high school) the American high school AU loosely inspired by She's All That.

⚽ Bring Your Body Baby (I Could Bring You Fame) by @theboyfriendstagram

(E, 84k, famous/not famous) A self-indulgent AU that takes place over the summer of 2015. 18 year old Harry hates pining after people he can't have, and 23 year old footballer Louis loves flirting with people even though it never means anything.

⚽ Way in the World by flowsque / @mortediunfiore

(M, 74k, both players) the one where Harry has a knee injury and an embarrassing crush on Manchester United's pretty number ten.

⚽ Caught In Your Gravity by @lululawrence

(NR, 62k, Ted Lasso au) an AU inspired by a 30 second trailer of Ted Lasso that doesn't actually have much in common with the show at all.

⚽ so grab your passport and my hand by @infinitelymint

(M, 32k, strangers to lovers) The one in which Louis plays football and Harry sings a lot, and somehow that means they're meant to be. They'll figure it out soon enough.

⚽ Higher, Further, Faster by hazzahtomlinson / @itsnotreal

(E, 31k, uni) the one where Harry decides to go to college regardless of what his team warns him about and has to face the consequences, some of which aren’t so terrible after all.

⚽ Dive (series) by @allwaswell16

(E, 21k, famous/famous) Newly retired football star, Louis Tomlinson has left Manchester for Malibu. Along the way, he finds music, friendship, and love in the form of his pop star neighbour and the very fit movie star hiding out next door.

⚽ Hold My Breath by @zarah5

(M, 19k, injury) It's possible — possible — that his three-week ban from the football pitch makes Louis just a tad antsy. Surely it's not so bad that it warrants punishment in the form of his friends signing him up for a yoga class?

⚽ time slows down whenever you're around by wildestdreams / @thelavendrhaze

(E, 14k, flower shop) Louis plays "soccer" and falls for the wrong boy and Harry works in a flower shop and falls for Louis — again.

⚽ burn this flame by rainbowninja167 / @rainbowtitania

(E, 13k, famous/famous) When Harry gets invited to play in a celebrity charity match with Louis Tomlinson, Manchester United's star player, he's determined to impress him with brilliant football skills. The only flaw in Harry's otherwise foolproof plan? He has absolutely no football skills, brilliant or otherwise.

⚽ Come In and Change My Life by lightswoodmagic / @lightwoodsmagic

(E, 12k, neighbors) Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis' cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It's just a shame Louis' going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

⚽ Want you more than a melody by @softfonds

(E, 12k, mpreg) It's 2016, and Harry's life couldn't be better. His band is about to release their third studio album, he's dating the hottest football star on the planet, and tour is going to start the following year.

⚽ Just One Touch by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 11k, Dr Harry) When footballer Louis Tomlinson needs to get match fit in a hurry, team doctor and best mate Niall Horan prescribes an unusual form of treatment.

⚽ Down the Field by @creamcoffeelou

(M, 9k, coach Louis) Louis, a pro football player of Chelsea, is forced to retire after a severe injury to his foot.

⚽ every day and tomorrow night by @justanothershadeofblue

(E, 8k, high school) Harry stares. The new boy is beautiful, there’s no other word for him. 

⚽ Eat Your Vegetables by @bananaheathen

(M, 8k, famous/not famous) In which Louis is a celebrity footballer and Harry is the new team nutritionist.

⚽ Glass Heart by @musketrois

(G, 7k, coming out) “26-year-old West Ham footballer Louis Tomlinson was seen getting acquainted with 24-year-old pop sensation Harry Styles and others. Although it is not unordinary for these two professions to be social, we can’t wait to see what this budding relationship will bring to London’s social scene.” -Celebrity Blurb 25 March, 2017

⚽ Down To Be a Distraction by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(E, 6k, famous/famous) The English national team is on the brink of winning the UEFA final and it all hinges on a penalty kick from team captain and national hero Louis Tomlinson, who was forcibly outed in the press right before the tournament. 

⚽ Game Changer by @neondiamond

(E, 6k, mpreg) A couple months before playing in his first long-awaited World Cup, Louis finds out he’s pregnant. Harry’s there for the ride.

⚽ The Air From My Lungs by Kikiberoski16 / @larrysballetslippers

(E, 5k, uni) Harry doesn't like to take showers in public for reasons he isn't willing to share, until Louis, the hot football captain, rocks his whole world.

⚽ the stars are coming home by lsforever / @kingonafiftymetreroad

(G, 5k, established relationship) After three years together and nearly a full year of marriage, Harry has finally been permitted to sit in for one of the team’s practices. 

⚽ every night with us (is like a dream) by moon_rose25 / @darkinfinity

(T, 2k, established relationship) A look into the life of a professional football player dating a physical therapist.

⚽ 2,870 Miles by @sadaveniren

(G, 1k, mpreg) Harry hated the BT Sports commentators, but considering he couldn’t fly to Baku while eight months pregnant this was all he had if he wanted to watch his husband in the Europa League final.

—Rare Pairs—

⚽ love and kickin'!verse by camiii

(E, 140k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw) the fic where Nick has no interest in football but is dragged to a football match, Louis is the Arsenal player that catches his attention, and maybe there are some redeeming qualities to the game after all.

⚽ Devoted by @nouies

(E, 5k, Louis/Alisson Becker) A collection of drabbles about Louis’ life as the housewife of a professional football player.

[zot3-flopped]

https://x.com/stroompeer/status/1841858404639179244?s=46&t=Omebfpx0sPmV_4_JrB7M-g

He should be embarrassed but I’m certain he isn’t. People were giving him attention and that’s all he cares about. I hope Niall and Harry bans him from their shows.

Maybe he's embarrassed now that a UK broadsheet has written a negative story about it?

[friendofcars]

Please drop the essay you refrained from writing in the tags and would also love to hear your thoughts on the mask dream! I think it's one of the most interesting dreams ronan has, especially in tdt. Always really enjoy your thoughts and meta :)

hi so first of all thank you for this very kind message and second of all the 'essay' i mentioned was in fact about the mask dream. and third of all thank you for waiting for my belated response. i wrote the remainder of this post over multiple weeks and didn't proofread any of it and i'm almost positive it gets incoherent in places so please let me know if you want anything clarified.

so, the post i'm referencing is this one by parrishwife about adam and ronan's rather unhinged desire to simultaneously become and be with each other. i coincidentally read it immediately before reading chapter 17 of the dream thieves for the trc book club and my brain exploded a little because i think the mask nightmare plays with the same idea- not explicitly, and maybe not primarily, but there's an element of ronan both fearing and desiring the possibility of adam becoming ronan (or at least like ronan).

i think the most straightforward and plausible interpretation of this chapter is that ronan fears losing adam (to post-traumatic dissociation, to his bargain with cabeswater, as a rejection of ronan's desire for him, etc.) (btw parrishwife also has a brilliant post analyzing the mask dream.) i'm also suggesting that he has a simultaneous fear of adam reciprocating the attraction, which, for ronan, comes hand in hand with self-loathing; desire is fear, it is horror, it is anger; he fears rejection and miscommunication while also fearing that adam will experience self-hatred too. because ronan hasn’t realized his second secret yet, the fear/desire/self-loathing/projection is particularly muddled. This interpretation hinges on my observation that adam is profoundly ronan-like in the dream.

because of my complete inability to omit details, i’m going to put the meat of my observations + analysis under a cut:

first, before i write an absurdly long response, here was my initial comment in the trc book club server after reading the chapter:

and my follow up after some discussion:

and now after musing on this chapter for the past month, here’s a more detailed analysis, almost line by line:

first, in the dream, we're told that “the mask was his father's.” it's ambiguous as to whether niall dreamt, made, or bought the mask, but it's as if ronan has inherited the mask (along with the secret keeping, dreaming, perceived imbalanced devotion in romantic relationship, etc.). the important detail, aside from mask, of course, is father: a) ronan's self-hatred, grief, and depression are directly tied to guilt over niall's murder, all of which inform the way he dreams, unguided and alone, b) adam's bargain with cabeswater kicks off a plot that serves as a metaphor for adam's healing from trauma from his own father, which informs the way he isolates and hides himself from others and c) here we have two boys, traumatized by their fathers in different ways but still with the consequence of repression, with ronan fearing that adam will break/succumb to the fallout of his dual sacrifices (pressing charges and leaving the trailer/giving up his hands and eyes to cabeswater). i mention all of this to start drawing connections between ronan and adam's experiences, how they relate to one another, and how in which ronan's self-hatred manifests in a concern for adam ending up hating himself too (becoming [like] ronan).

we can also consider the setting of the dream: the original mask is at the barns, out of reach in multiple ways (hung high on the wall, on a property from which ronan is banned, and his subconscious won't let him return home in his dreams either) but the consequences of the dream do lead him back to the barns (he manifests the night horrors, which he buries at the barns with his friends; enlisting gansey to help literally kill his demons and everyone else to dispose of the bodies brings him home- it's something he can't do alone -> recurring fear of isolation, the magic of connection, etc.). but ronan already has access to the apartment at st. agnes- adam already lets him sleep there, on the floor, and he's only there in the first place because ronan helped him move there. ronan plays an active role in establishing and maintaining the apartment as adam’s home. and in the dream, the mask is at eye level, both within reach (and, of note, probably where you'd hang a mirror). greater proximity to ronan = greater risk of adam realizing (and reciprocating, or mirroring) ronan's attraction towards him.

all of this is to say that ronan's subconscious is asking him: what if adam was within reach? would you squander the opportunity? what if he's too far gone to cabeswater, out of reach in the wake of abuse? what if keeping adam close is putting him in danger? (there's a line about their changing proximity at the very end of the raven boys that i'm thinking about as i write this.) what if he falls and cuts himself on ronan?

like i mentioned, I think the more straightforward reading of the dream is ronan's fear of losing adam, whether via adam’s trauma responses/dissociation/bargain with cabeswater or as a rejection of ronan’s romantic interest. i'll try to be briefer here since i know it's been discussed (reading this a couple weeks later…i was not brief at all lol). shortly before the dream, cabeswater goes missing. due to the ambiguous consequences of adam's bargain with cabeswater, there's reason to fear adam will also disappear (or at least his hands and eyes, or what they represent -> his skill, his perception, his survival instincts, etc.). then there's the fear of the figurative consequence: adam disappearing in the sense that he completely withdraws and isolates himself from ronan and the others. gansey fears that adam's spirit will break; adam fears he will turn violent (which is why he withdraws). it's not clear which ronan fears, but it might as well be both, given the obscuring nature of the mask and adam's violence in the dream. i don't think ronan fears that adam will purposefully hurt him (given his prophetic refusal to hurt adam, even to save his own life) but he fears he will hurt adam by confessing feelings to him, or by trapping him in henrietta, etc.

in the dream, ronan tells opal (at this point, orphan girl) that cabeswater is gone, which triggers adam’s appearance in the dream (to emphasize the possibility of adam disappearing too). adam says, “far away isn’t the same thing as gone,” which is probably a rare display of optimism from ronan, especially as a counterpoint to the dreamt miniature white plane that is lost to the lake (this symbolizes the potential outcome of losing adam in the context of adam’s doubt/disbelief, which is dismantled by the end of the book when he figures out that ronan paid the rent and loves him, which coincides with ronan realizing he doesn’t hate himself, that the world will not end if adam knows how he feels, and thus the white nigh horror is born as a symbol of adam’s capability of belief in ronan and both of their acceptances of ronan’s feelings). whew.

we then get a description of adam in the dream. he's wearing his aglionby uniform, perhaps to represent a repressed adam hell bent on assimilation to pursue his ambition, but in my interpretation a detail that clues us into some mirroring/becoming of ronan. i'm specifically thinking of the flashback in trb chapter 20 in which adam recalls the catalyst for pursuing aglionby: a confident, affluent, friend-possessing aglionby kid who probably wasn’t but might as well have been ronan. as a counterpoint to the aglionby uniform, adam’s fingers are black with oil, an obvious nod to adam’s fear that his job as a mechanic and poverty betray his attempts at escaping his roots (side note- sacrificing himself to a sentient forest literally roots him further in henrietta/on the ley line), but i can’t help but draw a comparison between the oil mentioned here and nightwash- something we don’t even know whether ronan has canonically experienced yet, but still a visual parallel that signifies limiting, restricting factors in each of their lives (class, disability, etc.) that anchor them to henrietta. if this connection is a coincidence, which it very well could be, the shame both adam and ronan experience remains true in the text, in terms of adam feeling stained by his non-academic yet necessary-for-survival work and ronan’s complex relationship to dreaming. ronan also endures unmaking/nightwash in trk after adam, demon-possessed, chokes him and ronan has the same “will not choose hurting adam to evade death” experience, so this really does all connect in my “no coincidences in trc” brain.

adam takes the mask without asking permission nor hesitating, which seems out of character and ronan-like (read: impulsive), although adam does indeed reach for the mask without asking first when they visit the barns. in trb adam is constantly asking permission, clarifying invitations, hesitating, etc. until he makes his sacrifices, so perhaps ronan’s dream is exploring an adam that acts more and fixates on consequences less (which is quite ronan). the summative effect of these details is ronan’s perception of adam’s own insecurities, curiosities/introspection, etc.  which, perhaps unintentionally, make me simultaneously consider ronan’s own difficulty with reconciling his home life, identity, secrets, social position at school, etc. the touching without asking might also prod at a warped sense of intimacy for ronan, especially regarding the nature of ronan’s relationship with kavinsky, but i feel like i need to consider this perspective more before elaborating further.

then, adam holds the mask up to his face- nobody puts the mask on adam; it’s an autonomous choice. autonomy and choice are critical to both of their character arcs, especially in trb for adam and in tdt for ronan. then, adam “becom[es] something else” and the distinction between adam and the wooden mask dissolves as a nod to the concern that adam will become indistinguishable from cabeswater (also predominantly of wood). lots to comment on here: that adam must eventually accept that he isn’t cabeswater, much like he isn’t his father; adam becoming less human and ronan grappling with his human-ness/creature-ness, ronan grappling with the distinction between himself and his manifested dreams, which include cabeswater, etc. if adam is merging with cabeswater and cabeswater in its forest form is inherently an aspect of ronan/his heart/his soul/his mind… much to chew on, even if its founded on their insecurities. adam becoming a creature, like ronan; becoming magic or getting intertwined with it… also rolling around the concepts of a wooden mask, a wooden boy, lies (secrets), autonomy, atypical creation, etc. in my head and coming up with pinocchio which is probably absurd but. i had to admit this. ronan wanting to be a real boy (greywaren choosing humanity) is not not canon in td3. on adam seeming to be carved from wood, maybe a brief exploration of a fear of a lack of distinct identity (ronan fearing adam becoming cabeswater or a part of himself against adam’s wishes); Adam wants to be self-made, not made by anyone else…maybe references pygmalion, galatea, etc.

in the same paragraph, as adam becomes even less-adam like, his teeth become hungry, his jaw starves. teeth are frequently mentioned when describing the lynch brothers, and hunger is a predominant theme for both adam and ronan (“they were both hungry animals, but adam had been starving for longer), and chapter 11 of tdt loops in the gray man and the concept of a hungry knife; i'm not articulating this well but there’s something to say here about ronan being raised to think of himself as a weapon and him fearing adam will succumb to the same, and sharp teeth are the imagery by which i'm connecting these dots (?). adam’s eyes are “desperate and incensed.” he is not only afraid but angry (a very ronan combination of emotions), and the adjective “incensed” even links to ronan’s internal experiences being frequently described as fiery, burning, etc. a vein stands out from adam’s neck; veins stand out from ronan’s body later in the chapter when he’s awake but not yet back in his body. vulnerability, anger, desperation, tension, vitality. the physical parallels are numerous. or maybe just repetitive writing, but i read trc very generously in terms of assuming intention.

then, the dream becomes a nightmare. the mask becomes indistinguishable from adam’s face- anger like a second skin, second secret, tamquam alter idem, horror movie twins, double-headed night horror and all that- it’s a nightmare BECAUSE ronan could be into this (and by “this” i mean the conflation of adam returning his attraction and them becoming more and more like each other), and at this point in the narrative, this desire to be and to be with is obscured by ronan’s depression. adam is described as a creature, a word used to describe ronan too (a genuine compliment from gansey, but an alienating burden of a descriptor for adam and ronan). adam becomes a night horror, which, like cabeswater, is a manifestation of an aspect of ronan- like calls to like, and this is terrifying to ronan.

the night horrors are explicitly described as representations of ronan’s heart and are “in love with his blood and his sadness.” the word choice of “in love” when the night horrors are manifestations of self-hatred and depression and shame is more proof of ronan conflating desire + guilt. ronan’s heart is auto-cannibalizing. do you know what I’m trying to say. as a side note, the mentioned rhythm of ronan’s heartbeat works as a physiological and metaphorical tie to the very feeling of a nightmare. just some nice texture in the nightmare for me as a reader! re: adam, “adam was the horror now” -> adam has become inextricable from ronan/cabeswater/magic -> adam has become one with ronan’s self-hatred adam isn’t the horror for trying the mask on, he’s the horror for realizing and reacting to the mask (here i had a lightbulb moment and had to close my word doc to calm down lol)… and if we equate ronan himself to the mask (the teeth! the hunger! the eyes! a psychological prison only the prisoner can break!) and the nightmare is built upon this dream adam’s rage and terror at his union with the mask… we circle back to the two-headed fear of adam’s rejection AND reciprocation of ronan’s attraction. of course the merging of adam and ronan takes on a completely different connotation in greywaren when they are both eager to merge souls and their codependency and inability to maintain a stable reality without the other is… a lot to think about. Re: “toothful king” more teeth = lynch-like, as we’ve established, but ronan has also been described as a king in his dreamscape; this usually implies creative power but is that what Adam has here? maybe king is more intended to throw focus towards his power over ronan? also, in a ater paragraph, “tooth upon tooth upon tooth” makes me think of rows of teeth…which is sharklike. like the bmw (“if it was sharklike, it had learned how from [ronan]”.)

i'll also make a couple comments about the line “to think about it was to be immobilized with the horror of watching Adam be consumed from the inside out.” 1. the immobilization, whether literal or figurative, is notable in the context of ronan, who is often kinetic, restless, hyperactive, adrenaline-seeking, etc. but is also immobilized post-dream manifestation; taken together, ronan in motion and ronan frozen tell us that for ronan to stop moving and obscuring the secrets he hides in a maelstrom of posturing is to make him vulnerable- and this line is shortly before nightmare adam attacks him. to stay still is to look truth in the face and confess it and bear his heart to it- and his heart itself is the secret. ouroboros. i don’t know. also, cannibalism, probably. that's not really my wheelhouse but it’s in here a little bit. and ronan dreams creatures to love- chainsaw, matthew, opal. he's revulsed by the possibility of creating an adam that loves him, that is made of him or in his image, that lacks autonomy/mobility in relation to ronan.

then comes the violence. before it, ronan takes adam’s arm (as he does at the barns, later) and says his name- saying adam, not parrish, presumably, which is another marker of vulnerability. this line reminds me of “cabeswater: call it by name” or an act of creation, affirmation, that adam is adam (human, a man), and not a monster. despite this act of tenderness, of acknowledgment of independent identity, nightmare adam lunges for ronan while simultaneously trying to remove the mask from his own face (this brings me back to the idea of duality, violence vs. love wielded inwardly and outwardly, double edged swords, the two headed night horror, the self vs others, etc.). his fingers hook ronan the way the night horror hooks in the following chapter- a premonition that gets subverted with the eventual declaration of “claws and beak”/”unguibus et rostro.” adam's face is gone and the mask becomes invisible- the distinction between ronan’s feelings towards adam and adam’s feelings toward ronan is gone. however, perhaps condradicting what I literally just claimed (lol), ronan cannot kill bring himself to kill adam, even this nightmare version, but has not yet realized that he doesn’t want to kill himself either.

“the mouth gaped, door to bloody ruin.” the mouth, not adam’s mouth, not the mask’s mouth. disembodied. there's a whole thesis to write on adam’s relationship to his body and his dissociative experiences, the reintegration he experiences as he repairs the ley line, etc.  an open door, especially a door-like mouth, is a confessed secret (think of ronan’s closed door at monmouth), and here, a path to the worst possible outcome.

ronan removes the mask from adam and discovers that it’s easily removable, that the distinction between adam and the mask and that which it represents can be recovered simply and gently, but the removal still ruins adam. a petal peeled from a flower-he loves me, he loves me not… and the strange beautiful flowers ronan dreams… that love is beautiful and not inherently violent… something adam and ronan must individually learn for themselves. adam must distinguish himself from his trauma, from his family, from his bargain with cabeswater. his self-loathing creates an additional prison within the limiting circumstances of his poverty. but as gentle as the removal is, ronan’s heroic action still results in gore- his father’s, rather than his mother’s, account of his birth. adam is reduced to muscle, bone, teeth, eyeball- a collection of parts, but no holistically integrated face. a miracle of moving parts but gruesome. life leaks out of him like nightwash out of ronan. unmasking, confession, secrets you can’t take back, irreversible bargains… ronan says he’ll put the mask back on, will restore adam’s dignity and grant him a shield against vulnerability, but the damage is done. we get a rare “please” (“please work”) from ronan, maybe a prayer, maybe in the same vein of the “please” he thinks when he sees adam for the first time (cdth chapter 5).

and finally, the lab blood dna line around which i will talk in circles because I can’t do it justice, but after ronan wakes with the bloodied mask he wonders “whose dna…would a lab find in that blood?” this is THE merging of adam and ronan line imo that makes all of my tenuous claims that the nightmare is about adam becoming ronan hold actually hold water. it’s like if the narrator in kevin atwater’s my blood is your blood hated themselves and their partner too because their love felt like violence and guilt. and because both adam and ronan, due to their (father-related) trauma, struggle to distinguish between pain and attraction and desire and resentment, there’s an implication that reciprocated feelings between the two of them would also be mutually inflicted harm- that they’ll both make each other bleed. spring awakening word of your body. it reminds me of when dogs get into a fight and in the aftermath it’s hard to tell whose blood is whose, if one is bleeding or just covered in the other’s; ronan’s nightmare explores: who is capable of harming (loving) the other. because ronan’s refusal to harm adam as nightmare adam harms ronan is love, even if twisted up. ronan can’t extricate desire from violence at this point since he hasn’t woken up to his second secret yet (and undergone the character development required to realize it). the blood might as well be both of theirs.

Some other assorted details: the overlap between ronan’s self-hatred and his projection of this onto adam (ch 9: ronan had seen a face about to break in the mirror etc. terrible paraphrase but you know what i mean) so his nightmare is an exploration of him projecting onto adam; there’s a dual desire for adam/reciprocation but also a fear + assumption that adam is simultaneously terrorized by his own feelings (which tbh is not wrong) so adam being the horror in the nightmare is to say he’s Ronan since the horrors are an extension of Ronan’s depression, grief, guilt, etc. esp. regarding his faith and sexuality which are symbolized via the dreaming, and since ronan could not kill him (it wasn’t a choice! foreshadowing! he sees himself as a corrupting force on adam, etc.), ronan is eventually subconsciously led to the realization that he cannot kill himself either- he has to believe in himself (cheesy, but since the climax of tdt crucially involves adam’s belief in ronan and the dreaming and the second secret, it’s real) and to believe that his love for others is beautiful rather than dangerous, and that this love can be wielded back at himself too. “why do you hate you? I don’t. he woke up” is the same damn thing as ��it was only for adam it had been a prison.” pretend i pasted in the spiral eyes emoji 1000 =x here. (adam’s own self-loathing, isolation, bargain w cabeswater, etc…. so very eight of swords. if only he would take the blindfold off etc.)

and this all ties back to the two headed night horror… tdt opening with ronan’s secrets and the plane and adam’s doubt in ronan’s dreaming and the first introduction of the black night horrors and the eventual acceptance of mirrored attraction or at least acknowledgement of ronan’s second secret and adam witnessing the manifestation of the white night horror which is double-headed and signifies both internal and external love/acceptance… i’m running out of steam here but it all ties together. it’s all connected I promise.

but in this chapter, before the plot of tdt plays out in full, we're left with the conclusion of what if adam reciprocates ronan's attraction? that's what he wants (this is why he pays the rent. this is why the dream is in the st. agnes apartment, where ronan has put adam.), but because at this point ronan can't differentiate between desire and self-loathing, adam wanting him back would make him a mirror of his desire and self-loathing, and the fear of this is explored in the nightmare. i hope this has made sense!

i think this was pretty comprehensive and perhaps too speculative but aside from opal's role in the dream, which i'm still thinking about, but i'd love to hear someone else's take on her in this chapter (or anything else about the mask nightmare!).

[good-books-to-read]

Travel Destination: Scotland

Pine by Francine Toon

Lauren and her father Niall live in the highlands in a small village surrounded by pines. One Halloween Night a women stumbles in front of their car, they take her home with them and in the morning she’s gone, this isn’t the only mystery this small town holds, Lauren’s mother had vanished years before and now a local teenage has vanished as well.

Weak Heart by Ban Gilmartin

On the Isle of Mab, reality has sifted, the tides are angry, memories are vanishing and the Selkies are coming up out of the ocean and people have begone to disappear.

A Rush of Wings by Laura E. Weymouth

Rowenna knows there’s magic in her, her mother disagrees and believes she need discipline and won’t teach her the craft, however her mother dies a tragic death and Rowenna only chance with her.

However on a storm tossed night Rowenna rescues a man from a shipwreck and her mother returns from the dead or did she?

The Lighthouse Witches by C.J. Cooke

Liv has been commissioned to paint a mural in an old lighthouse on a remote island is Scotland, however this dream quickly turns dark when 2 of her 3 daughters go missing, the locals share with her the history of the lighthouse and creatures that mimic children.

22 years later Luna has been looking for her sisters and mother, and is excited to hear her sister has been found however Clover looks exactly the same as the day she went missing, and Luna is worried she’s a Wildling however she doesn’t remember much of her time on the island, she’ll will have to return to learn the truth.

Hold Back the Tide by Melinda Salisbury

Everyone knows what happened to Alva's mother, all those years ago. But when dark forces begin to stir in Ormscaula, Alva has to face a very different future - and question everything she thought she knew about her past...

[louisupdates]

[Google Translate]

International stars are waiting in Finland for fans who are in a debt of gratitude

Louis Tomlinson came to Finland unlike many other big stars, and that's why he has exceptionally grateful fans here.

HS NOWL

The concert at the Helsinki Ice Hall was Louis Tomlinson's first appearance in Finland as a solo artist.

The concert at the Helsinki Ice Hall was Louis Tomlinson's first appearance in Finland as a solo artist. PHOTO: SAMI KERO / HS

Piritta Räsänen HS

BRITISH ARTIST Louis Tomlinson performed on Monday evening at the Helsinki Ice Hall. Finally, if you ask the fans.

I followed the atmosphere before the gig in front of the ice rink. Excitement was in the air as fans finished fan projects for the artist, purchased fan merchandise and lined up for permanto spots.

One thing was repeated in the fans' speeches: Louis is wonderful because he cares about his fans and also visits smaller countries on his tours that many miss.

In recent years, Finland has also increasingly been included in the countries falling in between.

MONDAY's show is Tomlinson's first appearance in Finland as a solo artist. The last time he took the stage in Finland was in 2015 as part of the boy band One Direction.

Later that year, the band went on a long hiatus, which in a way is still ongoing, because the band has never officially said that they have stopped. The band members started working on their solo career, and they haven't been seen in Finland since.

For example, One Direction's arguably most famous member, Harry Styles, performed in the summer of 2022 in Stockholm and Oslo. Finland had to miss out. Next spring [2024], the Irishman Niall Horan's tour, another member of the band, will cover Denmark, Norway and Sweden, but he will not be seen on the other side of the Gulf of Bothnia.

Of course, the problem is not limited to the members of the most popular boy band of the 2010s.

HS already reported last summer that big names are now touring Finland from far away. The problem is especially that Helsinki lacks a modern indoor arena, while Helsinki Hall is on the banned list due to its Russian owners.

It has also always been geographically more difficult to come to Finland than, for example, Sweden, where you can continue from Denmark. Instead, a ferry connection is needed to Finland, because the gig equipment cannot be moved through Russia.

Finns accept their fate in a kind of "no need to cook for me" spirit. However, if a world star gets lost on his tour all the way here, we feel at least a slight debt of gratitude towards the artist.

Finland's problems did not hinder TOMLINSON's tour.

At Monday's gig, the gratitude of the fans hardly went unnoticed: in the course of a couple of hours, several fan projects made by the audience were seen, some of which were already planned last year.

In one of them, the fans raised signs in the air that read "Thank you for having faith in Finland", i.e. thank you for believing in Finland.

After the concert in Helsinki, Tomlinson headed to Tallinn and Riga. Today, Friday, he will perform in Kaunas, which is the second largest city in Lithuania. In terms of population, Kaunas is slightly larger than Tampere.

Otherwise, you would find a modern indoor arena there.

[valeffelees]

12-17 for Niall, if you’re up for it

cannot stress enough how much i am always up for talking about Niall, thank you for coming to hang out ✌️

12. Crack headcanon

you wouldn't think this would be the question to throw me, bc like. this would be so easy to answer for Dev, i have so many silly fuckin thoughts about him. but for Niall, i dunno. i tend to take him a little too seriously, i think. i still have fun with him and have lots of niche headcanons about him, but i dunno that i would call any of them "crack" headcanons, yk? a gen headcanon i have about him tho is that when they were kids, think somewhere between second and fourth year, Dev made him a charm (almost like a keychain) for his wand out of a tiny seashell bc Niall's magic smells like salt water and feels cold when he casts, and it's still on his wand to this day.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

answered this one here!

14. Most heroic moment

ok ok so stay with me here but for Simon Snow and the Five Blades, my headcanon is that the main problem Simon has to face that year (other than Baz) is this cliche narrative where he has to find something called the Eternity Stone, which is less a stone and more like a huge marble altar, that's leeching the magic out of the school's foundation, and Watford is so dusty that most of it is held together by magic, so as more and more of the magic is pulled away, the school literally starts to fall apart. in order to restore balance to the Stone and save the school, Simon has to track down five sacred magical swords and, yeah, long story short: one of the swords he needs belongs to the Pitches, bc of course it does, and Niall is the one to help Baz sneak said sword out of Pitch Manor after he eventually agrees to give it up, which, i wouldn't exactly call "heroic" but he did help save the school just a little bit. i would prolly have a better answer for this question if i spent more time working on headcanons for some of Simon's other school years but ngl the Five Blades and the Six White Hares are the only ones i've really given any notable amount of thought to.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

i think the answer here depends on who you're asking, like Simon would tell you, albeit lightheartedly these days, the worst thing Niall ever did was enable all of Baz's bullying, but Dev would look at you like you're spewing chunks and say Niall doesn't have the bones to do bad things. but if you asked Niall, he would prolly tell you it was ignoring calls, and later, after the mobile ban at Watford, letters from his mother for a while.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

Niall's mental health is really fucking bad, dude. he's been seeing a therapist for years, but he has such low self-esteem that he constantly brushes off and hides and downplays his issues, to the point where he doesn't even realise how bad shit actually is.

17. Songs that I associate with them

[wellthatwasaletdown]

What is there to specify? This blog is for former harries who have been turned off by Harry Edward Styles and need a place to discuss that. It says it right there at the top of the page. It's not to discuss anything going on with Louis, Liam, Niall, or Zayn. It never has been.

The thing is, not all the asks are about Harry. His relationship with Olivia Wilde ended two years ago and yet you are still posting asks that are solely about her. Several over the past few days. Why is Olivia an exception to the rule? Yes he used to date her but he used to be in a band with Liam for 5 years and he is a banned topic.

Since you want to play dumb: the discussion about Girl Boss centered around her relationship with Harry Edward Styles and her reaction to the end of her relationship with Harry Edward Styles.

We allowed a discussion about Liam when it related to Harry Edward Styles (comparing how they each behaved at Niall's shows).

Notice the common thread there? Harry Edward Styles. Anything else related to Liam (or Girl Boss, for that matter) has no place here.

It wasn't that long ago that any discussion of all the other boys was not allowed here because some of y'all don't know how to restrain yourselves. We've relaxed that to allow discussions when they relate to Harry Edward Styles. We end them when they veer away from that. If y'all don't like that, we can go back to just deleting all asks about the other guys.

[alarrytale]

Marte, it´s hard to know these days when Harry barely does interviews + questions about 1D and his brothers (and one "brothers?" lol) are obviously banned but do you think if interviewers could ask him about Louis, will he be normal and chilled? You know, just the same normal just like how normal and chilled Louis was about Harry f.e. last time when they asked him about Harry´s newest hairstyle. He was completely alright (and extra cute) when he´s been told Niall might come but lost it with absolutely innocent question about Harry....

Hi, anon!

No, absolutely not lol. Harry can't be normal or chill about Louis. He loves him too much to even attempt to hide it. It never works when he tries, so i think he's sort of given up (or he's doing it on purpose). He gets flustered, takes too long to come up with an answer, stutters and makes different, and never before heard, noices. It's endearing, but also funny. I don't think he likes to pretend to be indifferent about him.

I think he'd be okay-ish if he knew the question about L beforehand and got to prepare and rehearse an answer to the exact question. Still, i don't think he'd behave in a manner we'd consider "normal" for Harry Styles lol. We'd be able to tell because it would be miles off how he would answer if it was about Zayn, Niall or Liam. Good luck, Harry if you're planning on talking about L live to an audience. I, for one, can't wait.

[harrywavycurly]

Niall standing on that table holding a cookie bin was so 1D Niall coded and I was dying! Well done because I could picture it all happening so clearly 😂😭

Hiiii lovey!!! SC Niall does give off Blonde Niall/1D Niall vibes so I totally get it 😂 awe omg thank you I’m so glad you could picture the scene so well and that you enjoyed it!!🥹💖

Niall snitching on Harry about banning cookies and Harry having to tell you he wasn’t REALLY gonna ban them:

[getawayheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/getawayheaven/719654987084464128/why-do-you-talk-about-louis-using-blue-and-green?source=share

If there's possibility that Larry is not real anymore and they are still using Larry signs for signalling to connect with fans on a personal level then doesn't that mean that they both are Larry baiting so that fans will stay ??

That's the problem anon. Who decided that some specific things are Larry signs? Just because fans belive that blue and green are Larry colours should harry and louis just ban these colours from their life and career forever? M 100% sure niall is aware too about these "Larry" colours does that mean he was signalling about Larry in his recent photoshoot where he was carrying blue and green balloons? No. Not at all.

I am not against signalling and coding. I know that celebrities use these things to hint about their sexuality and relationship all the time and harry and louis have been doing this for years now. They used it heavily during one direction. But time change, people change, personalities change, priorities change and nothing is same anymore.

Currently they could be together or they could be not. Who knows. But one thing is for sure they don't want their fans to keep linking them with each other. Their priorities have entirely changed and they want everyone to know them by their solo work not by their relationship. Their current priority is getting as successful as they can get no matter what it takes. But that doesn't mean they don't want people to recognize them for who they really are.

Who would have thought that harry would sit down for an official Rolling Stone interview with leech just to let everyone know that he has the right to go on dates without having to explain constant hate for his girlfriends on internet. But at that time his top priority was to make DWD a huge success. But keep in mind that this is the same harry who almost teared up on stage on the very next day of RS interview and said "It's difficult to sing Matilda in a rainbow suit" because ALL his fans were accusing him of queerbaiting. He knew what he was saying and he knew his fans would understand.

Both louis and harry would be ok if people won't recognize them because of their relationship or their sexuality but they won't be ok if they would be categorized as flop artist who can't sell shows. According to me coming out is not in their cards for at least next ten years. But that does not mean they don't feel happy and satisfied when their fans love the real harry and Louis for who they really are and not for who they are pretending to be. That does not mean they don't feel immensely loved when they use signs related to Larry and they know that these fans know their real identity and still they are loved. So no they are not Larry baiting even if Larry is not real anymore. They are just continuing to set a connection with fans in a way they invented years ago but the context of these signs and connection have changed with the change in time and with change in their life and people need to understand that.

[thedevilinmybrain]

hey, sorry if I'm overstepping, i was just wondering what do you think about larries who bring larry signs to h&l's shows? isn't that "breaking the fourth wall" in a way that is just as bad as niall reading (and making fun of) fanfiction publicly?

I'm a larrie and i think it's fine as long as we keep it in fandom spaces like tumblr and ao3 etc. I get a little uncomfortable when i see signs at shows..

anyways thank you if you choose to answer this, i hope you're having a good day 💕

Honestly, I think signs at shows should just be banned. Like, I love the cute interactions we get on stage from Harry but signs are also really frustrating for people behind you. It blocks the view and it can make the concert inaccessible to others. I also feel like signs should be more appreciative and less about calling the artist to action. Like, don't assume that the artist is going to see you and immediately want to interact with you. Let me make myself clear too - appreciating an artist is not sexually harassing them. Some of the signs I've seen from fans across all fandoms but especially at Harry concerts are down right vulgar and I can't believe people think it's okay to talk to anyone like that, let alone your fav.

[samulawsenc]

I woke up from a supersupersuper bad dream an hour ago. I dreamed about louis... I don't want to use that word to talk about lou cause it don't feel lucky if you always grab that kind of word around your mouth especially for him, anyway after I realized it's really just a dream, the first thing came to my mind is I reeeeeeally need to check on lou through the fucking internet. I was even ready to run out my only chance to text him on ins, wanna tell him please be happy and be safe. Then I thought it better be used as telling him I'm going when I could have any chance to see louis concert in person one day... ...

now I'm thinking Lili

what if losing liam is also a bad dream we didn't wake up from.

l came to this community way too late like ten years after this band apart. but I never regret any of it. l'm happy and lucky to meet a community tight like this. I'm still in the most euphoric stage totally loving them.

It's my hard night right before my final, as always I'd like to put on some music video at my side to went through with it. I've actually just start falling in love with ATL at that time, but I've already seen them videos for a hundred times in a too short period so I scrolled my head and thought about I haven't seen any 1D video yet. I know they are pretty popular back in the days cause I'm actually only six years old when they are hot under the spotlights, you see there's a littlelittle gap within us, so all I know about is their songs wmyb, 18, perfect, best song ever, drag me down, night changes, only these five, I have no idea about any other thing about this band but I love 18 a long time ago, I even recited all the lyrics of this song so I can sing it clearly at my high school which banned for any electric setup, kind of destiny ain't it. So I put on up all night the live tour video, my first crush in the band is Liam, the little waving he shaked when he sang on the stage got me sososososo fooking hard. Li is also the first one I searched for on ins. I'm always a shipper when I stepped into a community. When I see that tour video, I'm like Lilo & Zarry & didn't figure out what to do with niall. btw I knew nothing about larry thing back then. After my first investigation on ao3 is finished, I was like yeah I AM INTOING this community for sure. First of all, respect to every shipper on the internet. I love u all, laying on the bed and drowning in ao3 is the happiest thing for me after a day tortured by life. every night I literally mean it EVERY NIGHT even till today I only sleep after I read Ziam work for at least 30 minutes. Larry work sometimes. I am falling into Ziam community sososososohard and that's why I signed up my first tumblr wanting to find an account called doveziam to follow. I love her. She is a beautiful writer and her wonderful works and touching words pushed me further into this warm community. but I really be here way too late, that account isn't active in recent year. Luckily, I've found so many lovely writers who are also super talented.

Four months is passed, Lili, I only loved you for only four months, I checked your ins every week to see your happy time you shared with us, I totally not see the doom coming. Lili, eight years ago I lost my mother which taught me always to be grateful for what I have, but Lili, you taught me to be grateful IN TIME.

Lili, it's a nickname by Chinese fan for Liam. Don't even know Liam know it or not. there's no more opportunity to tell him that.

I ask myself

What is love even too late for mourning?

[hunrising]

the brazilian twitter ban has made niall use ig for tweets lmao

Omg i forgotttt about that 😭 that makes sm sense. Still he should stop using twitter cause at least then I can delete it, that app is now a circle in hell of its own