#ngl part of me is like fuck i’m sick this sucks ass

[michi-chelle]

welp i caught a cold so you know what that means!! reading slow damage all day babey

[harmslength]

(Mostly) NSFW Headcanons - Part II

Disclaimer: Slight spoilers ahead so be warned. Just covering movies I have seen before or know a decent amount about the character. Overall, just my own personal opinions. This is just for shits and giggles so feel free to disagree. I’m also very aware that I’m being a hater rn.

Red Eye (2005) | Wes Craven - Jackson Rippner

• FREAKY ASS DUDE

• probably would learn everything about you before asking you out

• mean asf, like definitely the type to pick on you and call you a cry baby

• loves, loves, loves roleplay, specifically: CNC (Burglar x Sleeping Victim)

• big on humiliating you, probably the type to hold your head down while giving head. Likes his balls being sucked..

• feral mf, loves to use his teeth (ankle biter energy) and eats pussy like a champ [insert slurping noises]

Perriers Bounty (2009) | Ian Fitzgibbon - Michael McCrea

• top contender for best in bed

• grimey little dude.. but hey, bums know how to lay pipe like it’s their god given purpose

• not attached to any particular fetish or kink just very experimental and kinky

• 3 words: tongue in ass. There I said it. Specifically from the back, he will stick his tongue in places god hasn’t even seen.

Broken (2012) | Rufus Norris - Mike Kiernan

• spontaneous and sensual. Probably an exhibitionist lowkey

• can be a bit selfish at times, but definitely makes it a priority to make you cum.

• could definitely see him having a thing for stockings or thigh highs

Inception (2010) | Christopher Nolan - Robert Fischer

• if a boy was a princess it would be him

• DADDY ISSUES

• all bark no bite, he’s a bottom if I’ve ever seen one. Loves being told what to do and how to take it

• big fan of praise and humiliation

• will dom at times but definitely is not his preference

Watched the Detectives (2007) | Paul Soter - Neil Lewis

• Puppy

• horny teenager vibes, probably would fuck you in his office while your bent over his desk

• loves roleplay but in the vanilla way like: cop x criminal, stepsiblings 🤭, strangers, Bonny and Clyde. Just overall loves recreating cheesy pornos.

• loves when you’re all natural down there

• definitely likes to think he’s the one in charge but you would absolutely wear the pants in the relationship

• whiny asf, likes to whimper and pout. Big on theatrics.

Breakfast on Pluto (2005) | Neil Jordan - Patricia Kitten Braden

• the queen herself 👸

• another top contender for best sexual partner

• pillow princess, loves to be taken care of but will absolutely do the same for you. Definitely giving switch vibes

• super tender and sensual, could definitely see a friends to lovers trope here

• LOVES to tease and loves sexual tension. Wandering hands and subtle glances kind of shit

Sunshine (2007) | Danny Boyle - Robert Capa

• needy little freak but in a subtle way

• you would probably have to make the first move

• would probably zone out during sex ngl

• classic fan of gripping hips and neck kisses, relatively vanilla but open to exploring

• nonchalant lover but good bf overall

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) | Christopher Nolan - Jonathan Crane

• say it with me now— Mommy Issues

• don’t be afraid to join in— daddy issues

• probably grew up with his grandma or two loving parents that he despises deeply

• sick little gremlin, probably into sounding or golden showers

• two words: doggy style 😎

• he’s a switch, but mostly doms because he gets off on the thought that he’s better than you

• big on quickies, hump and dump kind of dude. Casual sex, but not super big on multiple partners

• so repulsed by the thought of sex that either the utter crippling shame of it turns him on so much that he acts like a deranged animal

• or is so repulsed that it hinders him and only does it when absolutely necessary

28 Days Later (2002) | Danny Boyle - Jim

• Jim, Jim, Jim — I love him with my whole heart and my whole pussy

• hear me out.. probably the best sex out of everyone HEAR ME OUT

• this man is DEVOTED okay!! Bro would take out an army base of 20 men just to get a lick of pussy (more so, a gentle sensual kiss, shared between two troubled lovers)

• you know he’ll eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Probably would bring his own bib and cutlery js 🙄

• not overly kinky, in fact probably a bit inexperienced, but satisfaction is guaranteed.

[kashimos-hajime]

late night devils | b.b.

summary: bucky gets revenge on his ex with you, the girl he never got over no matter how much he thought he did.

WARNINGS: smut (18+, oral - m receiving), daddy kink, sub/dom elements, y’all out here being nasty and vindictive, drinking, swearing, mentions of cheating pairing: modern!bucky x fem!reader word count: 5.0k

a/n: smut with very little plot bc i have no brain for it. enjoy heheheh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) bucky is PUSSYWHIPPED ngl

Bucky doesn’t expect to get a call asking for him to come over when he’s sitting at the bar counter, but he gets it and if he could, he’d break his phone in his fist.

“I told you, Dot, it’s fucking over.” The music is blasting in the club, bright with life, as Bucky tips back another shot. It’s a busy Thursday night. The dance floor is nearly completely occupied and the bass thrums through the floor as he tries to let his ex down gently as he has been for the past ten minutes.

“You can’t be serious. You think you can just walk out after three years—”

Alright. That’s enough.

“And do you think you can just call me like I’m some fucking booty call three days before your wedding after you dropped me like I was fucking nothing? No. Goodnight.” 

Tapping his screen to hang up, Bucky sets down his phone with a hard sigh and gestures to Sam for another line of shots. His hand was burning from how long he held the stupid phone for, and he cools it down by cradling his vodka glass, pushing it back and forth between his hands.

“Dot, again?”

“Yeah.”

“Tough, man. I’ll get you some shots when I get Romanoff off her little blondie’s lap” His friend taps the bar counter in a show of support before heading to the end where Natasha was flirting with one certain blond man. Steve. AKA their resident bouncer currently off duty. Bucky rolls his eyes, smiling for a moment as Natasha turns around. The two give a talk before Natasha ducks underneath the countertop door and slips into the crowd, Steve in hand.

“Hey, Sam!” A sharp, too-sober voice catches Bucky’s hearing and he turns to see a woman wrapped in a leather jacket and tight fucking jeans burst through the crowd. Rain is still glistening along your shoulders and you pull your hair out from underneath your jacket. You wear a hoodie beneath the leather and as you lean against the bar beside him, he catches the words printed onto the chest.

Yes, I’m single. It reads, bright white against the black of your hoodie. Now’s your chance.

His eyebrows rise as you catch Sam’s attention. His friend glances at you but Bucky merely shrugs, looks at you, and thinks, A regular? Fine. I’ll bite.

“What’s the strongest you’ve got?” You tap your fingers impatiently and he watches the strobe lights glint on your black nails as you lean forward on your arms. He shifts back and you send him a glance, eyebrow arched as your eyes rake visibly over his form. Damn, you’re confident, and when you grin, he decides maybe you’ll be an apt distraction from his fucking problems.

“Not the usual?”

“Need something stronger tonight, Sammy,” you sing and he grins.

“I’ll make you something special. Let’s work up to Everclear, yeah?” Sam turns to Bucky, leaning onto his elbows. “Whaddya say, boss? Break out the Everclear for a pretty girl?”

“Now, hold up,” Bucky says, putting up a hand to catch your attention and he smirks as Sam brings out ten shot glasses pinched between his fingers.

“Hey.” Your eyes flicker over his body visibly and he smirks, twisting slightly to look at you fully. His knees part widely and maybe it’s the alcohol he’s already had, but it looks like you glance right between his legs.

“Hey.” The red lights swing their way, blinding him for a moment before it’s gone again. Sam lines up the shot glasses and Bucky watches as he pours them overflowing before glancing at you again. “Wanna? On the house.”

“Are we working up to body shots?” you ask slyly, sliding into the empty stool as he shrugs, grabbing the first one on his end. You take one from the other and throw it back as he does the same. It burns all the way down.

“If you wanna,” he says with a shrug and you laugh. “Hold on the Everclear, Sam. Let’s get to know the pretty lady first.” You snort into your second shot as Sam shakes his head when someone flags him down.

“Well, I’ve gotta get to work,” he says pointedly. “But you kids have fun.”

“Fine by me.” Bucky shrugs. “That just means I get all your attention.”

“Don’t like sharing?”

He half-laughs, pushing down shot three and four in rapid succession before slamming the glasses down on the wood. “Nope. I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Consider me charmed.”

“No name?”

“I’m not looking for names tonight,” you say before you order another line of shots.

Something about you is undeniably charming. You give the air that he’s known you his whole life as you talk and listen and laugh. He gravitates towards you as you speak and talks about everything when you listen because he has this feeling you won’t judge him. It’s something about the confidence, the way you don’t give a fuck about what he thinks of you. It’s so different from Dot.

Dot, who worried about what that girl was thinking about Bucky or what that guy thought about her. And there was nothing wrong with caring, but Bucky couldn’t bear to give a shit about anything anymore.

“So you’re here because of a broken heart?” you point out after he explained his phone call prior to their meeting and he chuckles, the vodka making his head pulse with the beat in the club. The red and blue lights flash and blur in his vision but your face is still clear.

“Nah. I don’t love her,” he says, turning to the mojitos he ordered for the both of them. Yours is half gone, his gone completely. “Just… sick of being some stupid second fucking choice. She leaves me for a millionaire then comes crawling back for one last fuck. Fucking ridiculous,” he spits, grabbing your mojito and sucking it down.

“You’re preaching to a damn choir,” you say scathingly.

“Husband?” he pries and you eye him for a moment knowingly.

“Boyfriend. Left me for some kid in high school. We’re fucking third year college, man. That shit’s so gross and I’m ready to beat the shit out of him. Might as well do it drunk.”

“Hah, I did that once.”

“Get with a highschooler?” you ask, voice tinging with something judgmental and he laughs because it’s such an outrageous notion and he can’t help but agree. Fucking nasty.

“Fuck, no. I had a best friend I was fucking in love with,” he begins, the mint cool against his tongue. “High school. Got creeped on by some older dude and I beat the fuck out of him when he got too close for her liking. Got expelled, never saw her again after her grad when I realized she was probably going to head to uni and go big, but damn if it was worth it, even if it meant she went with someone else to fucking prom. Fucking Brock Rumlow.” His eyes drift to yours as you stare at him and he chews on his straw, explaining in the briefest of sentences. “Resident asshole of our year.”

There’s a quiet where he sets down the mojito again, and his head is swimming with memories. At the last time he saw the girl of his dreams, graduation cap pinned to hair and a sunset burnishing their street gold.

“No fucking way. Bucky?” you say and he looks at you from his—your—drink. “As in James Buchanan Barnes?” you ask with a scoff evident in your voice and he arches an eyebrow. “Oh, you can’t be serious.”

“What—” His insides are on fire, and his eyes fall to your lips as you press them into a frown. “Who?”

“You fucker!” You slug him in the arm and he yelps, clutching the offended bicep as you take him by the shoulders. “You fucking left me!” He is forced to look at you as your eyes search his. They’re dark with something he thinks is bitter love, and his eyebrows knit together. What is his luck with women lately?

“Who the fuck are you?” he yells over the thundering music, but his answer is swallowed up by a pair of searing lips. Fists in the lapel of his suit jacket, he groans into your mouth as his hand darts to your hips. He drags you flush against him and you crash into his body. Hitching a leg over his, he feels up your hoodie and you open up beneath his mouth. Your hips dip against his as you jump into his lap and he holds you there by the thighs, squeezing the flesh through your jeans.

“Fuck, James,” you whisper and he feels it all again in a heartbeat. That intense, selfish love that seized him as he walked away from you. The way he fucked you in the bathroom before the ceremony, gown bunched at your waist, pants barely shoved past his hips. The curious disgust every time he got with someone that wasn’t the girl from the stall. It’s you. “God, don’t you recognize me?”

These past few years dating Dot, feeling like he’d move past a tiny infatuation, obliterated to nothing as your voice tears down his defenses. Tears down everything he’s built, every lie that you’re nothing more than the past.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs against your desperate lips and you sink into his lap deeper, arms wrapped around his neck. “Fuck. Yes.” He tilts his chin up when you run your teeth along his neck and his eyes close shut. Heat is surging to his cock at the thought of tearing you apart here and his jeans tighten as your hips grind down against his. “Could never fucking forget you. Grown ass woman, now, huh?”

“Fuck me,” you whisper, pulling off of him though it’s more of an order and he nods, standing up with a stagger. Your hand is insistent on his wrist, hand melting through his skin.

“I live five minutes away,” he mumbles, drunk off his ass. When he looks at you, he doesn’t see smokey eyes or mulberry painted lips. You weren’t always so dark, direct, rough around the edges.

No, you were bright eyes and strawberry lip gloss once. Straight A’s, straighter laces. By the books and popular and pretty and innocent until he got you on his bed and ate it out of you.

Maybe he fucked the good girl out of you.

He doesn’t mind. He already knows he likes it when you’re bad.

.

“Fuck.”

His nails scratch down your back pleasantly and you purr, pressing him deeper into his couch. You’ve managed to slip out of all your clothes on the walk up and his hand digs into your hip, his other hand working against your slick heat. The heel of his hand rubs against your clit as you lift and sink into three fingers. Your walls clench around him and he groans at the tight suction as his phone rings.

“Ignore it,” you mumble, kissing him sloppily and his tongue glides against yours, burning with vodka. His hand runs up your back to grab your hair and he yanks your head back, licking down your neck. “James—”

“Fucking missed this, sweetheart. Fuck. Missed this pussy more than anything else,” he groans. Your pants whisper against his ear as your hands roll into fists against his head. Your arms wrapped around his neck, you rock your hips against his hand desperately. “Come on.”

You moan right into his ear when his wrist flicks up and his fingers plunge deeper into you, wet with the first orgasm he’s wrenched from you just like this. It breaks and your whole body shudders. Your walls tightens around his digits and he increases the speed of his fingers. Your legs trembling, you let out a hoarse cry.

Your voice breaks and your nails dig into the nape of his neck as you come on his fingers. Your thighs clench around him as he bends his finger inside you and you choke out a moan. A pulse travels through your body as he lazily plays with your engorged clit and you twitch with every gentle stroke as he pulls you through your high.

His phone lights up. Ding. Ding. Ding. And then, his ringtone blaring in the thick heat of his room. 

You’re sweating against him, resting your whole body on him as you kiss along the cord of his neck and he bites his lip, groaning. You nip along his collarbone before soothing it with your tongue, tasting the alcohol he’s beginning to sweat.

Lazy love.

“She’s not gonna stop fucking calling,” Bucky whispers in defeat, hand stalling inside you and you groan in frustration, hips grinding against his heel. Prompting yourself up, you frown. “Fuck. I have to pick up.” He bites into your breast, licking your nipple in passing before leaning over to grab his phone. Your legs widen, and you lower yourself deeper into his lap as he keeps a hand firmly on your ass.

“For fuck’s sake,” you growl, slipping your hand down his cock and he lets out a groan against your shoulder. His cheek pressed against your joint, he stares at the Caller ID in dread. “She treated you like dirt and you’re still picking up her calls? I think you should just put her in her place.” The venom in your tongue makes something inside him twitch, makes him want to just pin you down and put you in your place because you don’t know shit and Dot isn’t worth my time anyway but instead, he slaps your ass and shifts his legs apart.

“Alright, that’s enough. I’m picking up that call no matter what, sweetheart.”

“Are you serious?”

“Get on your knees.” You pause and he turns to you, a thrill boiling through his blood as he slaps your ass. “Let’s put that mouth to use.” Your eyes go black with lust as you swallow, sinking to the floor between his legs, and he chuckles, spreading his legs farther apart. Your fingers trail along the line of his hips, lips whispering along his thighs as he clears his throat. The phone is still ringing in his hands as he looks down at you and arches an eyebrow. You’re smirking and he grabs one of your curious hands and wraps it firmly around his dick. “Get to work.”

As soon as he’s in your mouth, he picks up. You run your palm down the base of him as you take him in deeper and he lets out a sigh. You’re warm, wet, and he tilts his head back when you swallow. Eyes closing, he lets out a hoarse breath and tries not to give himself away too quickly.

“Bucky?”

“Who is this?” he asks, toying with her, weaving his free hand in your hair. He ups the volume, just enough so you can catch a hint of a word or two over the wet sounds of your mouth.

“It’s your Dotty, Buck.”

Pressing down on his thighs, you angle your head to take him further as if you’re displeased he’s even talking to her at the moment, jealous, even, but he simply grabs a fistful of your hair and tugs you back right, keeping himself just as deep down your throat. You gag, swallowing again.

“Yeah. What do you want?” His words come out breathless. He raises his head just enough to watch you work, eyes glued to the way your fingers, wrapped around him, move up and down. Your eyes are blown out with lust, already on his face and you smile against his thigh as you seem to take him down further. Wet lips wrapped around his cock, hair a mess around your face, it paints a pretty sight. Your tongue flattens against the underside of his length, and he groans when you slowly pull off. It’s an agonizing ecstasy, the way you seem to swallow him deeper despite drawing away. “Oh, fuck. Just like that, sweetheart. That was good, baby, That was good.”

“‘M I being good, daddy?” you ask, voice muffled, and his hips thrust into your mouth just as his hand forces you down, and he closes his eyes at the heat searing his blood. You’re so fucking good.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Don’t worry ‘bout a thing.” He cradles the phone closer to his face. “Fuck. Dot, what do you want again?” he asks. The line is nearly dead and a flash of satisfaction hits him as you moan quietly against his cock. The vibration shoots up to his stomach and he hisses out a breath. “You’re doing so good, sweetheart.”

“Yeah?” You bob your head between his thighs, the hand not around him digging into his hip. You hollow out your cheeks, the suction sending his head into the stars as the slick sound of your mouth ceases when you simply keep him in your cheek, blown pupils wide and innocent. Your hips twitch against his foot, seeking friction and he smirks. His needy little girl.

Bucky lets go of your hair, patting your cheek before wiping away the trail of drool leaking from the corner of your mouth. He leans forward, dragging you off his dick with a slight pop and a chill brushes against his length as Bucky pinches your chin between his thumb and index finger.

Pressing an open-mouthed kiss against your panting lips, he doesn’t care if Dot can hear every single fucking sound.

He pulls away before you have a chance to reciprocate and your whine follows him as he sinks back into the couch. His hand finds your hair again, guiding you back down his length and you seem to sink back onto your knees. He plunges endlessly down your throat as he clears his own, nearly forgetting he really is on the phone. 

“Sorry, Dot. I’m a little distracted right now,” he says nonchalantly, the smile working onto his face.

“If you’re busy—”

“Nah.” You purr at the lie and he tugs your hair as he stifles a moan—a warning with no merit. He keeps you still despite your impatient wiggle and he opens his eyes, simply admiring your face full of his cock. Your eyes are at half mast as you rest your head against his thigh, and his finger traces down your cheek, along your jawbone, as he adds, “You’ve been blowing up my phone all night. You’ve got my attention now, darling.”

“Bucky,” Dot intones, sounding a bit tense and Bucky can’t help but wonder why, “seriously. It’s fine. You clearly have other company.”

“Oh, don’t worry. My girl over here’s just keeping me warm. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” He moves the phone from his ear to your mouth where he taps your cheek and you let out a soft, garbled moan, eyes fluttering shut. Bringing the phone back to his ear, he chuckles. “You tired, baby? You getting tired?” His tone is mocking and you’re subdued by the way he commands the air as you nod. Your jaw must be aching as you hold onto his thighs and lean against his leg. You’re a sprawled mess against him. “She’s getting tired, Dotty. Make it quick so I can take care of her.”

“Bucky, this isn’t you. What are you doing?” Dot exclaims but he doesn’t care as he lets out a long, guttural groan at your tongue running along his length in your mouth. Still trying to earn his graces.

“Finally getting the time of my life after you left me high and dry for a fucking year. I’m moving on just like how you did during our relationship. How’s the wedding planning? Feeling nervous?” he asks tightly as you swallow, teeth grazing along his skin and he looks down at you. Warning you for real this time. “Watch it, sweetheart.”

“It’s going… okay. Bucky, I… I didn’t want you to be doing this while I talked to you, but please, listen to me. I’m still in love with you.”

You pull off his dick with a long stroke of your tongue and he groans, hand tugging at your hair as you climb up his body. You nip at his skin along the way, your whole body stretching languidly against his as you brace a knee on either side of his hips and sit down in his lap.

“Seriously?” You press kiss after kiss around his face, long fingers wrapped around his cock and rubbing it slowly. Your purr rumbles in your chest as you dip your head to suck a mark into the underside of his jaw and he runs a hand down your back, cupping your ass. “Don’t you think it’s a bit too late right now?”

“You're not giving me any attention, daddy,” you whine with a pout, his dick against your abdomen, just there and he knows you must be aching for it to speak up. Leaning in close, you place your mouth along the cheek where the phone is, trailing tiny little teasing kisses along his swollen lips and flushed cheeks. He tries to snag your lips but you merely pull away and bounce in his lap impatiently. His cock brushes against your stomach, painfully hard, and a groan rips through his throat as you gently settle a hand on his chest.

“I know, baby. Just give daddy a moment, alright?” Bucky murmurs and you pout, your hand pulling at his dick. His hips twitch, jerking into your fist as you lay your head on his chest, slouching against him, kissing his jaw fleetingly. “Be a good girl.”

“Okay,” you mumble as you lazily pump him. Your thumb presses softly against the tip, spreading precum down his shaft and he groans, tipping his head back and closing his eyes again. You smile against his collarbone as you speed up the pace of your hand. A tight-lipped groan in his chest, he runs a hand up and down the curve of your back.

“It’s a mistake. This wedding’s a mistake,” Dot pleads as you watch his expression. He can feel your stare burning into his neck as you press quiet kisses against his chest. A knot tightens in his navel. “I know the way I treated you was shitty, and I know you must’ve moved on, but—”

“Dot, you left me, cheated on me, lied to me about everything.” Bucky bites down on his lower lip. “Fuck. You’re doing so good, sweetheart.” You hum against his chest. The crash is so close and your palm slows down. Growling, he looks up and pins you with a glare, but you merely look at him innocently and he sighs, brushing a thumb across your cheek. “I have moved on. It’s been a year since we broke up and I think it’s time you did, too.” You raise your head off his chest, shifting in his lap as you straddle his hips upright. His eyes follow you like a wolf as he tries to calm down from the high that never came. His hips twitch against your legs and he lets out a growl when you move your hand away.

“Bucky, wait—”

The phone is plucked from his hand and a protest builds up in his throat as you rest your other hand on his shoulder. He looks up at you, lips parted and you smile, sickly sweet. In the dim light of his room, he sees the way the shadows play dangerously on your face. His hand on your back slides to your hip, and his lips find your left nipple as he sinks his other hand into the flesh of your ass.

“Dot?” you ask sweetly as if you’ve no awareness at all, but by the way your eyes flutter, you’re well aware of his mischief. “Hey. Jamie’s a bit busy at the moment. Can you call him tomorrow?” Your smile sits on your face as it turns smug. “Great. Bye!” You hang up and toss the phone onto the coffee stand before cupping his face and kissing him fiercely. It bruises his mouth, sloppy open-mouthed kisses, and he groans as you raise your hips and slide him right in like their bodies were made for each other. His vision explodes in stars as you sink, his cock buried deep inside you.

“Fuck was that?” he mumbles when you part from him for a moment to breathe. Your hips slowly swing against his, taking him in deeper with every move as your hands, still cradling his face, burn through his cheeks. His hands run up and down your sides, your front, and you sigh at the rough palms against your sensitive nipples before he hoists you up more comfortably on his lap. “Jamie? I’m not fucking five.” He thrusts up with his question and your breath hitches.

“Fuck. Fuck, I’m sorry..” Your lip caught between your teeth, you rock against him faster and his hips lift to meet your thrusts as you tilt your head back. You arch against him, eyes squeezed shut and he pushes your body forward, teeth running over your breasts. “Fuck, James.”

“Bad girl, hm.” His eyes close and your fingers run through his hair, hug his head to your chest. Your moans are a symphony in his ear and you bounce in his lap, knees digging into the cushions.

“Yes, daddy,” you whine into his ear, gasping and the way your every word becomes high-pitched makes him want to fuck you through the couch. You're complete putty in his hands, warm like fire and malleable to his touch, and he kisses the valley of your breasts, his hands tracing the curve of your spine. “I’ve been so, so bad.”

He digs his fingers into your skin and twists, letting you fall onto the couch as he slides his palms down to grab your legs. Everything he touches is wet, burning, and the squelch of your pussy around his cock sends him into overdrive as he puts your legs up on his shoulders. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your mouth is open in a silent moan when he thrusts deeply into you at this new angle. Your hands find his and fingers interlace as he pins your wrists to the armrests above your head.

Smirking, he pushes deeper into you with no grace or rhythm and you thrash against him, mewling at his slowing pace, begging to go faster with the way your wriggle your hips back against him. “Daddy, I—”

“Shh, sweetheart. Now that I’m not busy anymore, I think daddy’s gonna have to teach you a lesson.” Your eyes barely open at his words and he smirks, making sure your attention doesn’t stray for a moment. “Keep those eyes on me, sweetheart.” You bite down on your lip, trying to stem desperate gasps but he growls a warning as he speeds up to a punishing pace. You’re overstimulated, exhausted, but still you try to push back against him, try to get him as deep as he can get.

You’re so eager to please with those plush, pink lips. “Yes, daddy. I’m sorry, I’ve been bad.”

“Sorry for what?” he wonders aloud just as your eyes squeeze shut and he feels your peak in the way your abdomen goes taut. Slowing down again, he nearly laughs at your disappointed whines. He pulls out completely, waiting for an answer and you cry out at the loss of fulfillment. Your legs lock around his neck. “I’m waiting.”

“Daddy, please... please, I was so close.”

“Give me an answer.” His tip brushes against your heat and you shove your hips forward. “How’re you gonna apologize when you don’t even know what for? How’m I gonna fix it?”

“Please...”

“I’m waiting, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen, daddy.”

He slowly pushes in again and your mouth drops open in an oh as you welcome him easily. You’re so damn wet that he slides in all the way he can with no problem. You lift your hips, heels digging into his back, and he slowly begins to thrust into you again. The sound of his hips meeting yours punishingly, the wet slap of skin against skin is the only sound in the room besides your panting breaths.

Bucky smiles.

“I’m gonna teach you a lesson not to talk out of turn tonight, understood? G’na teach you that when daddy’s on the phone, when daddy’s busy with other things, you behave if you wanna stay around,” he whispers, voice darkening with every word and your breasts heave as he runs a hand down your body. Fingers sneaking between their bodies, he presses a thumb against your clit and you fall apart with a shameless moan that bursts from your heaving chest. 

Bucky wonders how he ever moved past you. You with makeup streaking down your pretty pouty face.

He didn’t. He never did.

“Oh, god,” you groan, dreadfully broken, still trying to recover but Bucky’s not finished with you yet. No, he’s going to make up for lost time for the rest of his life he can. “Fuck… James. Oh, god.” Your walls clench around him, dragging at his cock as he pauses inside you and he lets go of your wrists. Your legs slip off his shoulders.

“You miss me, sweetheart?” he murmurs, nuzzling your cheek and you pant, nodding weakly. He turns to ensnare you into a heavy, tongue-filled kiss as he sucks on your bottom lip. “Miss me a lot?”

“Yes, daddy,” you mumble, voice warped by his incessant kisses and he smiles, ravishing your mouth with his teeth and tongue. He gives you this small moment because it’s going to be a rough night and he wants to savour every last bit of it. By morning, he won’t hear a single peep out of you with how much your throat burns from screaming his name.

That’s three for him, zero for you, and Bucky’s not sure if it’ll end when morning comes.

He wants to ask if you’ll stay and he has a lot of furniture he needs to break in.

The kitchen counter looks like a wonderful place to start to do both.

[bitchybutcher]

Texts I sent a friend the first time I watched The Boys, Season 1:

-        HERE WE GOOOOOOO

-        Butcher has said approximately 5 words

-        I’m already dead

-        I should not be this turned on by such a fuckin maniac

-        Oh ok so Homelander digs a mommy domme

-        Ok no but Annie needs a hug. She needs to be protected at all costs

-        Why is Hughie only hot covered in blood?

-        Deep needs to choke on a bag of dicks but also he’s an insecure baby who wants to feel important

-        I love Frenchie. I have nothing else to say about him I just love him

-        Butcher needs to stop saying things. Every time he opens his gob the fanny flutters get worse

-        I like this Mister Milk guy

-        Oh ffs Homelander is legit jealous of a baby

-        This subby bastard needs to go on fetlife or the femdom subreddit and get himself an actual mommy domme

-        Poor Hughie in the middle of this domestic between Frenchie and the Milk guy

-        FUCK Butchers chest looks good in this episodes shirt

-        Frenchie you perv no of course no cameras in toilets

-        OH his name is Mothers Milk not Mister Milk

-        The Maeve actress looks really familiar imma have to google to find out what else I’ve seen her in

-        Ohhhh Homelander is insane insane

-        I mean he’s pretty, and he’s hilarious, but WOW

-        He’s a lil off on the crazy/hot scale

-        WHY ARE THEY WATCHING ATRAIN GET HIS TOES SUCKED

-        WHY ARE THEY WATCHING

-        Ohhhh no Atrain is a using BASTARD GIRL BEAT HIS ASS

-        Welp imma be listening to Butcher say “we’ve gotta get some” on a loop for days

-        Maeve is so sick of Homelanders shit

-        Yup I’m shipping Hughie and Annie hard. They’re so adorable and they both really just need a hug

-        WHY DO THEY KEEP WATCHING THIS DRUG WOMAN DOING SEX THINGS

-        Well episode 4 is officially my favourite:

He said my name

He sleeps nude

BUTCHER BUM

-        Oh ok so Deep is actually just a soft baby

-        He’s in therapy omg

-        He needs a hug

-        HIS NAME IS KEVIN

-        And he loves dolphins and he’s lonely oh man why am I feeling bad for this douche he assaulted Annie

-        Hughies phone beeps and immediately the guys are like “he got texted by a girl, look at his face, has to be”

-        Oh Frenchie is a subby boi too apparently

-        WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SUBBIES IN THIS SHOW I WANNA HUG THEM ALL

-        Kevin and his soft spot for dolphins is melting my heart this kid just wants to do good things and he really needs a cuddle

-        They’re on a bowling date oh my god they’re too precious

-        KEVIN STOLE A DOLPHIN IN A VAN

-        KEVIN IS HAVING A BREAKDOWN AND ALSO GETTING ARRESTED

-        Oh dude I’m such a slut for Butcher this isn’t even funny

-        Homelander is insane and I adore that but also I’m LIVING for Maeve’s facial expressions when he’s on his bullshit

-        Frenchie is such a sweetheart with his lil home cooked meal and setting her cutlery properly

-        I feel bad for the female

-        Why does Hughie only have one jacket

-        Oh boy the Jesus nutters festival

-        Ngl the stretch Armstrong fella is kinda attractive

-        “You’ve done a murder, comparatively speaking, blackmail is a piece of cake”

-        Girl help I’m in love with a fictional unhinged angel muffin

-        I WANNA KNOW WHO’S BEHIND THE FLY THAT KEEPS BUZZING AROUND THEM TOO CLOSELY

-        Shapeshifter? Some kind of Antman type person??

-        More importantly how do I find a genie to make Butcher real cause no joke I love him

-        Oop Toni’s kiwi accent slipped out when he said mayonnaise

-        Homelander is the neediest little subby bitch boi I swear to fuckin god

-        HUGHIE WITH THE GAY BLACKMAIL

-        Ooooo something shady with Becca…tenner bets it’s something to do with Homelander somehow

-        OH SHIT IS MAEVE A LESBIAN

-        Ok so I adore Kevin the Deep. He’s comfort eating junk food and looks like he’s been crying cause of the dolphin

-        Aww Annie standing up for herself

-        OH NO SHE’S CALLING OUT SAD KEVIN THE DOLPHIN SQUASHER

-        Oh wait no ok she didn’t actually say who it was

-        I don’t know why I feel protective over Sad Kevin but he’s so sad and he’s so bad at doing good but he’s trying and dear lord he needs a cuddle

-        Hughie clapping Annie after she basically told them all to fuck off  😂

-        THEY’RE TURNING BABIES INTO SUPERS

-        LASER EYE BABY

-        ANNIE AND HUGHIE FINALLY GOT TO HUG

-        Butcher just weaponised a baby. What. Like it was a little gun

-        Homelander is NOT getting horny cause Stillwell called him a bad boy and started mommying him OMFG

-        And now she’s calling him her good boy with her shirt open

-        Subby boi and his mommy domme I FUCKING CALLED IT FROM THEIR FIRST SCENE

-        CRAZY SILENT LADY IS A WOLVERINE WHAT

-        Bitch got gutted then just like eh no big lemme just knit my internal organs back together

-        YES ANNIE TELL STILLWELL WHERE TO STICK HER SHIT

-        Awww Kevin tryna do good again he’s so cute

-        A DUDE GOT HIS DICK FROZEN OFF WHAT THE FUCK

-        Kevin is so bad on camera oh dear

-        He’s trying to apologise and he’s so bad at this

-        Who and what the fuck is Black Noir

-        IT’S THE I SEE DEAD PEOPLE GUY. HE’S THE MIND READER PERSON THAT’S AMAZING

-        Awwwwwww lil baby Homelander

-        They need to stop making me feel fuzzy over dickheads

-        Kimiko trusts Frenchie this is precious

-        Jamming out to the end credits song is one of the best parts tbh, the soundtrack is boss

-        I feel so bad for Kevin

-        He’s been exiled to Ohio and he’s sad

-        They didn’t even give him a plushie dolphin to cuddle

-        I’m rooting so hard for Hughie and Annie, this had better work out for them

-        WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING TO KEVIN

-        GILLS AREN’T FOR FINGERING

-        Oh what I’d give to have Butcher stalking menacingly after me in a train station

-        Sixth sense guy doesn’t know how lucky he is getting cornered in a bathroom stall by the hottest psychopath on tv

-        Yeah I’d let him smash me on a sink any day

-        Oh no not more Sad Kevin

-        Traumatised baby needs someone to mind him

-        BUTCHER SHOT ANNIE?!?!?!?

-        Oh god Homelander in Syria this can’t be good

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURAL????

-        Aaaaaand more Sad Kevin

-        Yeah I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s doing the full breakdown shave

-        Oh no sad Annie

-        Atrain is gonna do himself an injury

-        Black Noir is hilarious even though they don’t say anything and have no face

-        Soooo he admits to creating supervillains behind her back, and she tops him? As reward??

-        This bish does remember what happened to Becca, right? Demon spawn clawing out of her

-        Frenchie and MM bonding in captivity 🥰

-        Ooooh conflicting stories re Homelanders baby

-        Not Hughie going in all badass and immediately getting creamed 😂

-        The retainer! Hughie is a genius

-        I mean he’s a dumbass

-        But so smart

-        Hughie: *firing machine gun* I’M SORRY I’M SO SORRY

-        YES ANNIE!!

-        SAVE YOUR SOFT DUMB DUMB BOYFRIEND AND HIS BUDDIES

-        Uh oh

-        Roided up Atrain

-        Oop heart attack

-        Oh fuck he melted her face

-        OH SHIIIIIIT

-        Butchers hurt little face nooo

-        Oh ok season 1 is over

-        …it’s 5am

-        Aaaaand I can see daylight

-        I’m very tempted to just pull an all-nighter and watch season 2

-        But bed also sounds nice

-        I think bed

-        Dream of Butcher

[not-poignant]

Hey Pia hope you’re doing well

I was wondering, is the thing where Arden picks up a bunch of random hobbies and commitments a part of his ADHD or does it have like a name?

I’m a highschool student and I get told by all my friends and teachers that I have overcommitment issues and part of it’s just for uni and whatever ofc but it’s also that I want to do ALL THESE THINGS

Like I’m in 4 different science competition teams, the school debating team, school orchestra, scholarship classes, editor of my school newsletter, I lead the school amnesty and unicef clubs plus the IB program and being in the national maths Olympiad team lol and I don’t want to let any of these go but it’s so stressful and I’m so tired and ppl say I have to say no to stuff which is also stressful!

Also, doing more is always portrayed as such a great thing and I feel rlly guilty letting stuff go? So I’m just reaching out because you portrayed it in such a refreshing way and I was really curious!

Firstly, massive respect for your ability to fit this ask into the Tumblr ask limits. Seriously :D

Okay secondly, Arden’s habit of picking up a bunch of random hobbies / commitments is part of his ADHD. People with ADHD have this to different degrees, and my beta in particular relates really hard to this habit of Arden’s.

But actually, one of the reasons I put this in is because this is a very bad habit of mine - which is overcommitting, and overworking. And not wanting to let anything go.

People teach you a lot of skills in your life on how to pick things up, but almost no one teaches you what to do when you have many hobbies you love, and they’re hurting you because you’re working too hard and don’t have time for your loved ones (or to even really have loved ones) as an example. And it absolutely is a crucial skill to learn for people who are dealing with this, though capitalists don’t want you to learn it.

In the media what I see is most folks having no hobbies and someone being ‘oh you have to learn some.’ I liked Arden as a contrast to that ‘no, that’s too many things, put some back.’ Where Arden’s ADHD manifests - though it’s much more controlled than it used to be - is that he desires to spend a lot of money on the thing as soon as he gets into it (because he only wants the best of the best - which wasn’t great when he wasn’t earning much money), and that he starts really hooking into it in an obsessive kind of way. Spending a night making bows for your dog is one thing. Then wanting to spend $500 and start an Etsy store small business is like...from one day of work, not great.

A lot of Arden’s life has involved choosing to let go of things he’s loved doing, for his own sanity. This is something I’ve had to do as well and I fucking hate it, and these are the techniques I’ve developed for myself (and my still frankly overcommitted ass, who has people saying ‘when are you going to do LESS’ all the time to my face).

* Remind yourself that dropping some things now doesn’t mean you’re dropping them forever. It doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes it’s good to put a time limit on something. ‘I’m going to drop this for four weeks / four months and put a note/reminder in my phone about it right now.’ Chances are high you are not going to be as interested in that thing in four weeks/four months. (Chances are sadly also high you may have replaced it with something else). Like, there will be science groups you can join for the rest of your life. And debate groups. And newsletters.

(That being said, none of those things count towards our grades in Australia? So I don’t know how much these things are counting towards your grades in general and I’m not going to like, touch that side of things - however overcommitment is a super fast way to do a lot of things not that well, or to suddenly get so sick you can’t do any of the things and then feel terrible while you’re sick, more on that later!).

* Time caps on certain hobbies and activities and commitments. This is to actually shoot my habit of hyperfocusing in the foot. I don’t have time to play piano for four hours, but I’m allowed to play it for ten minutes a day (sometimes more but not often). And ten minutes a day adds up over time. I literally sit down and put the timer on my phone. If say there’s something that meets up twice a week but some people only go once, be one of those people!

* Rate the things based on how they contribute to your a) career and b) quality of life and c) happiness. Anything that rates lower on the list compared to the others (that isn’t like, literal money-making work or literal classes) needs to be dropped.

* Dropping things is just actually one of the hardest parts and there’s no real trick to making this easier. I just remind myself: ‘Just because I can do this thing, and do this thing well, doesn’t mean it’s good or healthy for me to do this thing. I need to spend time with people I care about, and I need rest, and those things matter more even if they feel less like ‘accomplishments.’ I want to care for myself through my hobbies, not punish myself.’ That goes some way in keeping perspective, but look, ngl, it sucks to drop commitments if you have an accomplishment/achievement/job satisfaction addiction. It just sucks.

* Accept that you are going to feel guilty, and that guilt is just an emotion, and it doesn’t mean you’ve done something bad. Look sometimes guilt gets it wrong! Sometimes you feel crushingly guilty just for breaking a bad habit, it’s not useful, you just have to kind of be like ‘huh I’m feeling a lot of guilt for trying to look after myself, that’s really interesting, I guess I can understand that but I’m also going to try and praise myself for doing a great job. Just because this isn’t an obvious kind of achievement, I know I achieved something really big and difficult today.’

* Oh yeah, use achievement and ‘job’ type language for doing things that involve successfully taking care of yourself and your energy levels. Just...sometimes you have to ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ - chances are you’ve never been as kind to yourself or proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends, than you are for taking on too many commitments. So...challenge yourself to be kind to yourself and proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends and committing to less. Trust me, you are never going to forget how to overcommit, and you are never going to become lazy or lax because you dropped a few of the (billion) things that you’re committed to. You can afford to praise yourself for this! And generously!

* Seriously, seriously consider seeing doctors or psychologists about this. Despite a TON of PTSD, I actually see my therapist most for working too hard and overcommitting. We spend a lot of time talking about why I might not be the worst person in the world for taking a break. Take it seriously. Your list alone made me feel like I was about to have a panic attack, lmao, your friends and teachers are right, you have overcomittment issues.

* Workaholicism and work addiction is real. There is a growing amount of information about how to deal with it and it’s worth googling.

***

Er anyway that’s what I do. It doesn’t always work. I have a lot of rules in place and I abandon half of them about halfway through the year and then s u f f e r. And have been doing that for over 25 years and I’m going to say bluntly now - it’s why I’m as sick as I am, and some of that sickness is irreversible. If nothing else, if you want to stay as active as you are now, I do not recommend that anyone push themselves so hard that they can no longer even do things that they enjoy on a regular basis, because they’re too physically debilitated to manage it, because they pushed their bodies too hard during the university years and just after. Because that is 100% why I became so sick in the first place.

And even extremely healthy people who have no history of chronic illness often develop something, in conjunction with years and years of working too hard or overcommitting. I’ve seen it happen to far too many of my friends, and you might feel like ‘just another six months’ or ‘just another three years’ but you’d be surprised how quickly you can go from ‘I’m doing it I’m doing it’ to ‘I keep getting migraines all the time doctor how do I fix this so I can go back to working as hard as I was before’ and your doctor being like ‘...yeah this isn’t curable. I’m going to give you some meds, that all come with horrible side effects, and you simply can’t do what you were doing before.’ Game over.

Trust me, that shit catches up with your body always. It might not be now, and I hope frankly it’s never, but overcommitment and workaholicism are the two fastest ways I know to chronic illness and once you get there, you can’t work your way out of it again.

Though god knows I have tried.

[love-killed-the-superstar]

Pinch Hitter

Written for @codesecretsanta 2020!!

Hey, @nemesisadraste!! It’s me, your secret santa!! I heard you wanted a slice of samodd so I was ofc 100000% down to clown. Hope you enjoy!!!! It’s a little group chat heavy and I apologise, but there’s some actual prose around the halfway point haha

Can also be read here on AO3!: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323549

ngl I would actually recommend reading it on ao3 because of formatting hahaha but anyway enjoy!!

Pinch Hitter

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(11:43PM) Odd Della Robbia: SAMMMMMM

(11:45PM) Sam Suarez: yyyyea?

(11:45PM) Odd Della Robbia: XANA ATTACK. NUCLEAR SHIT. COVER FOR US PLSSSS SHOULDNT BE TOO LONG 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

(11:46PM) Sam Suarez: sure thing sure thing go save the world n shit 👍👍

(11:46PM) Sam Suarez: was only going to stay up late rewatching good omens anyway

(11:47PM) Odd Della Robbia: hero. incredible woman. love of my life

(11:47PM) Odd Della Robbia: and say hi to you know who for meeeee 😻

(11:48PM) Sam Suarez: crowley is a fictional character odd, he cant hear you

(11:48PM) Odd Della Robbia: but he's so sexy and strong 😻😻😻

(11:48PM) Odd Della Robbia: not as sexy and strong as you, ofc ofc

(11:49PM) Sam Suarez: jesus odd go save the world already and leave me alone

(11:49PM) Odd Della Robbia: SO COLDDDD 🙀🙀🙀

(11:49PM) Odd Della Robbia: still love you tho

(11:49PM) Sam Suarez: still love you too ok NOW GO

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Jeremie Belpois

(1:24AM) Jeremie Belpois: Samantha?

(1:27AM) Sam Suarez: sup belpois

(1:27AM) Jeremie Belpois: Motion sensor went off. Pretty sure Jim is out and about. Try to buy us some time?

(1:28AM) Sam Suarez: shit alright. i'll see what i can do. b-team already know???

(1:29AM) Jeremie Belpois: They do. The four of you work something out, please? Thanks.

(1:30AM) Sam Suarez: ofc. hey btw hows odd doing??? ok???

(1:30AM) Jeremie Belpois: 80 life points and going strong, Sam.

(1:30AM) Sam Suarez: sweet 👍👍

…

GROUP CHAT: Lyoko B-Team REPRESENT

(1:31AM) Sam Suarez: what's our plan then home slices!!!!!!! 💪😤

(1:32AM) William Dunbar: Still don't know why I'm considered a b teamer but okay 😒

(1:32AM) Sam Suarez: don’t fucking complain william at least you get to be in the main group chat, 🙄🙄

(1:32AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: ^^^^^^

(1:33AM) Laura Gauthier: Try getting added, then removed, and still being on the waitlist to rejoin

(1:33AM) Sam Suarez: ouch lol

(1:33AM) Laura Gauthier: ANYWAY, we need a plan of action. Jim’s doing the rounds. Any thoughts?

(1:33AM) William Dunbar: I’ll go stuff Jeremie’s duvet 🙋♂️ Laura you go to Aelita’s, Sam come up with some sort of distraction 👉

(1:33AM) Sam Suarez: hold on WHY DO I GET STUCK WITH THE HARD JOB?? 😠😠

(1:34AM) William Dunbar: to prove yourself, young one. how else do you plan on getting into the lyoko warriors group chat?? 🤷♂️

(1:34AM) Sam Suarez: SHIT U RIGHT… 👀

(1:34AM) Sam Suarez: its my chance… to shine

(1:34AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Why does everyone forget im fucking here?? Give me something to do????? 🙋😤🤦♀️

(1:35AM) William Dunbar: nobody forgot you sissi, shit 🙄 take odd and ulrichs room, if u think u can wrangle kiwi 🥝

(1:35AM) Sam Suarez: i would like it on the record that i did in fact forget about sissi 🙋🙋

(1:35AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: FUCK NO. THAT DOG DOES NOT RESPECT ME 😤😤😤😤😤

(1:35AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Also RUDE..

(1:35AM) Sam Suarez: priorities babe or the fucking world ends. your call tho!!!!!! ✌️🤪

(1:36AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: ………………. F I N E 🤦♀️

…

GROUP CHAT: Lyoko B-Team REPRESENT

(1:59AM) William Dunbar: @Sam Suarez What did you tell Jim?????? He’s 100% doing head counts now you dumb fuck 🤦♂️

(1:59AM) Sam Suarez: don’t take that tone with me dickbar, he’s looking for a sick GIRL. if you stuffed the fucking duvets properly we won’t have a problem, he’ll only be peeking into rooms anyway 😠😠

(2:00AM) Laura Gauthier: And what do you suppose happens when he finds NOBODY and comes to the conclusion that you lied to him? You have to think these things through, Sam, Jeremie’s not planning on doing any return trips if he can help it.

(2:00AM) Sam Suarez: yall are jerks, YOU put me up to the task of cooking up an excuse, don’t complain that it was shit!!!! geez!!!!

(2:00AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: God you’re all useless. I can fake-cry, I took a drama workshop over summer. I’ll take the hit but you OWE ME. 😤

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: there are no favours in this sissi, we took an oath. we are heroes of justice now and you don’t get compensation for saving the world, its superhero 101

(2:01AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Shut up Sam, you’re buying me dinner tomorrow. Take me somewhere nice 💅🙆😘

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: but i don’t date girls who only save the world to reap the benefits, this simply won’t work out 😔😔

(2:01AM) William Dunbar: Take your flirting to private message, I don't want to be implicated in this sordid affair if Odd finds out

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: ahahahahahahaahahahaha we got a funny man over here

(2:02AM) William Dunbar: Lololol

(2:02AM) Laura Gauthier: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU.

(2:02AM) Laura Gauthier: I can hear Jim coming, play it cool

(2:02AM) William Dunbar: Hahahaaha good luck 😂😂

(2:07AM) William Dunbar: You all alive……………..? 👀

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: we sure are, listen to this

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: sissi fake cried, told Jim she was having the worst cramps of her life and started listing off the side effects of the birth control she’s on. It was the greatest thing ive ever heard and im absolutely buying her dinner tomorrow, and yes it will be candle-lit 🍽️🍷💍

(2:07AM) William Dunbar: Holy shit. 👀 My deepest respect. 🙏 I will put in a good word with Master Belpois Himself, she deserves a seat at the grown ups table for this 🤷♂️

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: no doubt no doubt

(2:08AM) Laura Gauthier: That was a close one. Sissi’s methods are unorthodox but hey, it worked. Next time find an excuse that doesn’t create more work for us, all right, Sam?

(2:08AM) Sam Suarez: shit you’re ungrateful as fuck. Damn . 🙄🙄

(2:08AM) Laura Gauthier: I’M JUST SAYING

(2:08AM) William Dunbar: Come on, lets not fight, I’m too tired for this shit 😴

(2:09AM) Sam Suarez: so go to bed, dumbass

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(2:59AM) Odd Della Robbia: guess who just got DEVIRTUALISED!!!! 😹😹🔫🔫

(3:02AM) Sam Suarez: oh no, poor baby, you were doing so well

(3:03AM) Odd Della Robbia: right????? fucking megatanks, im telling you, they suck so much 😿

(3:03AM) Sam Suarez: well, if you’re out of points now, come by my room and we can play animal crossing together

(3:04AM) Odd Della Robbia: would that i could, sam, would that i could

(3:04AM) Odd Della Robbia: but theres a fucking building contractor lurking somewhere in the factory, xana-possessed, trying to take me the fuck OUT 🙀🙀🙀

(3:04AM) Sam Suarez: just tell him you’re not interested????? Its what i told sissi earlier

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: ahahahahahahahaha

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: first of all, WOW WE GOT A FUNNYMAN OVER HERE

(3:05AM) Sam Suarez: lololol

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: second of all, i demand to hear that story as soon as i get back. Nobody turns sissi down and gets away with it 👀

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: well, i cant help it

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: my heart… belongs to another… a mr odd della robbia… im in the throes… of love… 💓💓

(3:06AM) Odd Della Robbia: OH!!! SAM!!!!!!! 😻😻😻💓💓💓

(3:06AM) Odd Della Robbia: luv u. So much

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: same same lololol

(3:07AM) Odd Della Robbia: when i get back we ca

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: ????

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: odd????

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: come in, funny man????

message failed

(3:08AM) Sam Suarez: odd if you die i will be so mad

message failed

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Ulrich Stern

(3:10AM) Ulrich Stern: Hey Sam, it’s Ulrich

(3:10AM) Ulrich Stern: Einstein has another favour to ask

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: first of all you dont have to tell me its you, the app TELLS me whos messaging me, this isnt a text

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: second, tell me my boyfriend isn’t getting fucking murdered by a building contractor 😠😠

(3:11AM) Ulrich Stern: Huh???

(3:11AM) Ulrich Stern: Oh yeah. He’s holding his own but there’s not much time. You need to go keep watch outside Jeremie’s door while Laura transfers some files. If we get busted and she can’t complete the file transfer… well. The world does actually depend on it, so. Yeah

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: isnt william the better option anyway?? Isnt he only like 3 doors down from you 🙄

(3:12AM) Ulrich Stern: He’s not answering. Probably asleep already, he’s a dumbass. Please, you’re our only option, Sissi isn’t answering either

(3:12AM) Sam Suarez: oh theres a GREAT story behind that but i’ll let her tell it tomorrow

(3:13AM) Sam Suarez: and fine, but seriously is odd okay?? If this dude is more than 5’5 he’ll have a problem taking him down, you know how scrawny he is

(3:13AM) Ulrich Stern: He’s tougher than you think, Sam. Trust me on that one.

(3:14AM) Ulrich Stern: (Also I am about to go save him from getting his ass beat)

(3:14AM) Sam Suarez: all right all right

(3:15AM) Sam Suarez: but hey stern, when this has all blown over, we’re having a serious talk about promoting me to the big leagues

(3:16AM) Ulrich Stern: ...Big leagues?

(3:16AM) Sam Suarez: im talking main group chat, my guy. MAIN. GROUP CHAT. 👏👏

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(3:30AM) Odd Della Robbia: im coming mi amore… i beat up a fully grown man with my bare fists… pushed him down some stairs… it was amazing 😼💯

(3:31AM) Sam Suarez: please say you didnt break any bones, belpois isnt planning on reversing time right???

(3:31AM) Sam Suarez: like even if was going to kill u he was only possessed by xana

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: heh i broke nothing!! Im a hero of justice after all 💪😼

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: ulrich may have given him some bruises tho 😹

(3:32AM) Sam Suarez: ehh i’ll take that over this guy waking up with fucked up limbs and shit

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: no doubt no doubt

(3:33AM) Odd Della Robbia: …

(3:33AM) Odd Della Robbia: anyway, night sam 💞

(3:33AM) Sam Suarez: oh, ok 🙄

(3:33AM) Sam Suarez: night, stupid. love you ❤️

…

Despite his parting message, Odd shows up anyway.

He slinks into her dorm room as it draws to 4:00AM, half-heartedly kicking off his shoes at the door and closing it with a softness that’s surprising given how exhausted he looks; almost as though it is second nature at this point to keep quiet, avoid drawing more attention. Her boyfriend is a professional, after all, when it comes to saving the world on the down-low.

Samantha watches Odd from her desk, where she is sat up browsing Twitter and waiting for the inevitable ‘we need you to do something else before the night is through’ messages from Jeremie. She’s been listening to the same Jay Som song on loop for over an hour now, and it leaks quietly from her laptop speakers, a strange extra layer of ambiance to the puzzle that is the hour before birdsong begins. A Baymax-patterned blanket is thrown around her shoulders for warmth, and there’s an empty can of energy drink within arms reach.

“Wrong room,” she says in a low voice, expecting him to jump anyway; he doesn’t. Instead he squints at her in the dim light, leaning back against the door with a weary sigh. “Didn’t think you were coming.”

“Wasn’t, but… here I am.”

He doesn’t really elaborate further than that.

“Ulrich know you came this way?”

“He stayed behind to talk things over with Jeremie. The overbike got fucked up in Lyoko and they’re gonna upgrade it or something. Jer-bear needed to know the specifics about his experience driving it so they can do some fine-tuning, I think. Y’know, so he doesn’t drift too far and plunge into the digital sea. Shit can get real bad, real fast.”

“I’ll bet. So, you triumphed over evil tonight?” she guesses, shutting her laptop lid and rising to her feet. Her blanket trails behind her as she does. “XANA can’t attempt to destroy the world for another 24 hours?”

“You know it,” he says, yawning. “And now, it’s bedtime.”

Thank fuck they don’t have classes tomorrow. She’ll happily lie in til noon with Odd, catching up on these lost hours.

Sam steps over her skateboard and some laundry she kicked aside earlier, a little embarrassed that her floor is so messy, but she knows Odd is too tired to even comprehend the state of her room right now. As it is, he’s swaying a little while standing, stifling a yawn against his hand - it’s only a matter of time til he crashes.

“All right, guess you’re here to stay. Hop in.”

“Did you know? You’re a goddess. An angel. A truly spectacular woman among women,” he mumbles.

“Flattery won’t give me back the hours of sleep I lost sending Jim on that wild goose chase earlier,” Sam muses, wiggling under her covers, still bundled up in the blanket like a crepe. She doesn’t know the full story, nor does she imagine she’ll get it until tomorrow when the group meet up for lunch - something about XANA threatening to blow up a reactor on some nearby building site, creating some devastating damage to the local area - but at this point she’s too tired to listen and Odd is too tired to explain.

Odd flops down on the bed beside her.

“Thank you for helping us out,” he sighs, too tired to even look at her. His limbs are all floppy. If she nudged him off the edge of the bed now, he’d probably just fold up like a pair of pants and stay there til morning. “What did you do, exactly?”

“Told him I heard someone crying in the bathroom and thought maybe someone was unwell,” she says with a shrug. “Jim checked the girls bathroom and did room checks, which gave me, William and Laura some time to sneak into your respective rooms and act as extra head counts. Just being under the covers was enough, I don’t think he was doing anything more than cursory peeking into rooms with a tiny flashlight. Wasn’t the most innovative red herring to give him, but it did the trick.”

“If it keeps them off our backs, the creativity isn’t worth factoring in,” Odd murmurs, tugging off his jeans and chucking them at the wall opposite. The impact scuffs the wall slightly, but Sam doesn’t care. Delmas doesn’t give them shit about damages to the room unless it makes the room completely uninhabitable anyway, which is why there’s a literal hole in her wall through to the room next door that she’s had to artfully cover with a Front Bottoms poster.

“Anyway, Sissi distracted him. I’ll let her tell the story herself, it was fucking hilarious. Then Ulrich messaged to say he needed me to keep watch while Laura sent over some files from the computer in Jeremie’s room to the supercomputer, which - I mean, in this day and age, why the fuck doesn’t he keep everything on the cloud anyway? So I was stuck doing that, because apparently, William had already fallen asleep again, the fucking lug. Can you believe that? You’d think, being your Lyoko pinch hitter and all, he’d be better at staying awake.”

“Oh, I can believe it,” Odd drawls, tugging off his shirt and balling it up, sending it to land atop his crumpled jeans with a flourish. He rubs his eyes and peers around. “Got that old shirt for me to sleep in?”

Rolling her eyes fondly, Sam reluctantly peels back the bedsheets once more and pads over to her wardrobe, pulling it open and sifting through until she finds what she’s looking for; an old Hootie & The Blowfish T-shirt, handed down to her by one of her older brothers. It always hangs right off of her, so on Odd’s scrawny frame, it’s basically an Ebenezer Scrooge nightgown.

“Here.” She tosses it over to him and he wriggles into it happily. “You might as well keep it, these days you wear it more than me.”

“If I walked around in a band shirt that hangs off me like a smock I’d never hear the end of it from Ulrich,” he says with a laugh, flopping back against the covers and sighing deeply. “He makes fun of my little chicken legs enough as it is.”

“Well, I love your little chicken legs, so he can keep his opinions to himself.”

She slides into bed beside him and he’s cold to touch; the freezing factory, coupled with walking back in the chilly night air, must have really done a number on him. He snuggles against her happily, mumbling, “Can I warm my feet on you?”

“Will you respect my wishes if I say no?” she retorts. He grins as she sends him a knowing look, before placing his feet, two tiny, stinky blocks of ice, against her shins. They both pull the covers up over their noses, staring at the ceiling in dazed silence for a few moments, before she adds, “He won’t miss you when you get back?”

“Not likely, I don’t fucking spoon him to sleep, Sam,” he snorts. “He’ll be too tired to care where the fuck I’ve snuck off to, and he can handle anything Kiwi throws his way, so it’s fine. I’m sure he’s capable of connecting the dots.”

“Fine, shithead, I’ll drop it.”

She continues to stare up at the ceiling, but she can feel his keen gaze on her, and rolls over to face him. He watches her carefully.

“Are you mad at me?”

“What? No.”

“Even though it’s nearly four in the morning and you spent the whole night covering for us?”

“It’s what happens when you agree to saving the world, isn’t it?” she points out. Sam’s eyes adjust to the darkness, and she notices for the first time that there’s the beginnings of bruises around his neck. She reaches up to trace them with her fingers, and he instinctively wriggles away. Her breath catches in her throat. “…XANA did this to you?”

“Actually, it was a building contractor,” he corrects. “He started to choke me, but then Ulrich got him in a headlock and next thing you know… we pushed him down some stairs.”

“It must have been scary,” she mutters. At that, his face melts into a smile, and he prods at her face.

“You’re so serious! Sam, trust me, this happens all the time. I’m indestructible, so it’s fine.”

“How else am I supposed to react, huh? My boyfriend comes home with strangulation marks on his neck and you want me to be all cavalier about it…”

“Because I’m used to it.” Odd pauses. “Well, not strangulation in particular, but getting hurt on the job is kinda everyday stuff.”

Sam scowls. “You're not supposed to pretend like this is normal, Odd.”

“What, you want me to cry and be vulnerable on you?”

“No.”

“You do.”

“Okay, fine, I do! What about it?!” She fixes him with a stern look. “You have to be careful! What’s the point in me staying awake and making distractions and shit if you’re just going to fucking die at the end of it, huh?”

“I’m not going to die.” He cups her face in his hands and fixes her with his own stern look. “Look. I know you haven’t been doing this long, but this happens, okay? Not always, but it does. I mean, you remember the kind of fights you used to pick with me when I would come over with these bruises without telling you why.”

She thinks back to the months leading up to him finally telling her the truth. How scared and hurt she felt, seeing him with these cuts and scrapes, bruises, occasionally even a sprain. She’d gone through all the possibilities in her head - bullying, hate crimes, mugging even. Still, he refused to budge, until one day he just… stopped pretending it was all some big coincidence.

“It was scarier not knowing,” she decides. “At least this way I know what you’re up against, but… I don’t know.”

He leans forward and kisses her on the nose. “I promise you I’m fine. But look, part of being a Lyoko pinch hitter is knowing things get hairy sometimes. I’m gonna get hurt from time to time but if I don’t, the whole world explodes. Or, okay, maybe not literally , most of the time, but I’m like, a drop in the bucket.”

“Well, you’re a drop in the bucket who matters to me,” she reinforces. Staring into his eyes, she can feel her body relax slightly. “Look, I’ll drop it. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Good. Now, can we please sleep? I am so tired, I’m starting to forget who I am. You’re about to encounter Grinch Odd, and he’s no fun whatsoever.”

“Oh, is he the one who said my face looked like a beet that one time?” she wonders, raising her eyebrows at him. He groans and pushes her away, covering his face with his hands.

“How many times do I have to tell you XANA fucked with my speech?” he grumbles. “Completely scrambled my words. I was going for beautiful.”

“Sure, sure. When in doubt, blame it on XANA?”

“I mean it! I would never call you a beet! A potato, maybe…”

She shoves him and he both winces and laughs. “Oof, that guy did a number on me.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll beat him up for you then.”

“You’re going to beat up XANA?”

“Sure, how hard could it be? I’ll just like, reach into the supercomputer with my full fist-”

They both burst out laughing and fall back against the pillows.

Once it trickles out, she blinks sleepily at the ceiling.

“I never really thought about how long you guys have been going without us, though.”

Odd quirks an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Us. The B-Team, the Pinch Hitters. The Lyoko Warriors’ freaking PR Team! Without someone pulling the strings you must have run into all sorts of trouble, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Odd laughs. “We used to have the authorities trying to invade the factory. Almost got expelled by Delmas. I almost got sent to a psych ward before, that was fun.”

“Jesus, Odd. Why did it take you so long to introduce other people to the fray?”

He shrugs. “No clue, really. One day we just kinda realised… sometimes it’s better to have people around. No man is an island. That can apply to groups too, I guess.”

“And why would you trust me?” Sam presses on, arms folded over her chest. “Sure, I’m your girlfriend, but I’ve hurt you before. I mean really fucked you over. That whole thing with William…”

“You had no way of knowing,” he says firmly. “It was stupid and immature, sure, but how could you have known?”

She shrugs. “I’ve just been thinking about it, I guess.”

They both lapse into silence, but beneath the covers, Odd reaches for her hand.

“I trust you because I trust you,” he says eventually. “And because if we need some big Lyoko Warriors PR Team, I’d want you at the helm. Who else is going to keep William from swaggering off the side of the planet? He can be kinda self-absorbed.”

“Sissi,” Sam deadpans.

“And who else is going to keep Sissi from turning every XANA distraction into a fucking performative art piece?”

“...Okay, fair.”

“By the way, you still taking her out to dinner tomorrow?”

“Apparently. You should tag along as my date.”

He laughs. “No way, I’m no third wheel.”

Sam leans forward and kisses him gently, before muttering, “By the way, I told Ulrich to get me in the main group chat. Think he’ll do it?”

“Absolutely not,” Odd says cheerfully, kissing her back. “But nice try. Here’s to next time.”

…

GROUP CHAT: Into The Lyokoverse

(9:48AM) Jeremie Belpois added Sam Suarez to Into The Lyokoverse.

(9:48AM) Jeremie Belpois: @Everyone Look who decided to show up!

(9:52AM) Yumi Ishiyama: Oh Hi Sam

(9:59AM) Aelita Schaeffer: hey, look who made it to the big leagues!!

(10:10AM) Odd Della Robbia: SAMMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!!!

(10:12AM) Sam Suarez: !!!!!!!!

[babysitterfashion]

The Baby-Sitters Club Book #3: The Truth About Stacey

“Stacey’s different... and it’s harder on her than anyone knows..”

I fucking love that ominous tagline because it A) Makes it sound like Stacey is hiding a murderous secret B) maybe she’s haunted??? 

Diabetes is a problem with a gland in your body called the pancreas. The pancreas makes insulin, which is a hormone. What insulin does is use the sugar and starch that your body takes in when you eat to give you heat and energy and to break down other foods. When the pancreas doesn’t make enough insulin to do the job, then glucose from the sugars and starches builds up in your blood and makes you sick. And not just a little sick. If you don’t treat diabetes properly, you could die.

Probably the greatest thing about the book is how it states diabetes. Straight -forward, no giggling, no eww gross. Just simply what it is.

Look at that big ass sweater underneath that big ass patterned shirt with those big ass bangles. Tré chic. She’s all “hell yeah I’m in a candy store, I’m gonna make sure this kid eats all the chocolates she wants because i’m a rad baby sitter” and then poses with a guitar riff.

“woe is me how could I have come in here with my parachute pants and mustard jacket i shall look forlorn like a Jane Austen novel set in a sad R&B music video”

But I get it. It sucks not to be “like other kids”. Everyone gets to binge on M&Ms while you get to sit there and munch on a celery stick and an orange juice. It truly doesn’t help how overbearing her parents are in regards to her health, either. I’m really glad they finally relent and include her in healthcare choices. They’re tough decisions for a 12 year old to experience, but with her parents to guide her, I’m sure it gives her a solid foundation and confidence for other choices in life.

ngl, wtf guys, y’all just munching on snacks right in front of Stacey Also, what is with the “Asian girl with part of hair dyed” trope? Have you noticed that happens a lot? Aside from that annoyance, her hair would’ve never been this color! Her parents would murder her. end her life. ground her for life and no more club activities. 

I’m really loving the 2020 cover remakes. They look like their age and their personalities are shining through in their clothing. i wish Stacey was a bit more chic, but I’ll take the casual prep look.

[jamariaaaa]

Late night confession pt 1:

TRIGGER WARNING; S*lf h*rming & S*icide

The ending of 2019 beginning of 2020 was the worst months of my life. (December- April.)

My brother (dog) died five days before my birthday.

I lost a lot of my friends..

My boyfriend aka the only person I could trust left me for my friend.

My parents found out I was depressed and didn’t do anything about it.

I realized I was being taken advantage of. But we aren’t going to get into that today.

Let’s start with my friends.

Friends: so I knew my dog was dying, but I didn’t expect him to die before my birthday. So I began to distance myself from everyone, this girl stayed by my side no matter what, and so did my boyfriend. He knew not to talk about dogs around me, because I would automatically breakdown. Obviously people thought I was being fake, and they left then and there. I can say it’s my fault, but I didn’t want to cry around people 24/7 about an animal. That’s very obnoxious right?

Getting left for my friend; Getting taken for advantage: so it’s December 2nd. Four days before my dog dies, 9 days before my birthday. I had a sinus infection so I was feeling like shit. My boyfriend at the time came up to me, he could see I was distraught. He took it as if I was mad at him, it hurt to talk. I didn’t want to talk. I wasn’t ignoring him. So I tried to talk to him, but he pushed me away. So I went to gym, yeah I lost most of my friends but I had some good kids in gym who liked me. So my best friend came up to me, she could tell I was PISSED, hell even some of her homeboys could tell I wasn’t having it. So there I was, I hot mess, stuttering, shaking. It was bad. And the worst part was, I had class with him after that. That continued for two days until the fourth. I finally had enough, he wasn’t going to talk to me, so I got my cousin. My cousin is around 250 pounds and up, (113 kg.) I finally got him to talk to me. I was already pissed once again. And when I’m mad, I start crying. So I was crying, I guess that ‘broke his heart’ because once he seen that I was crying he started apologizing, my dumbass accepted that shit.

The taken advantage part.. sheeesh. I never noticed but this ass, took advantage of my body BAD. I hate people touching me, but he would always find ways to touch my bum or even seek his hands into my pants, NOT OKAY. But I never wanted to say anything because I was afraid he was going to leave me. Which he did in the end. Whatever. But after we did breakup, it seemed like he still wanted me around but hated me at the same time. We had Spanish together so that was worst. Every time I would see him, I would automatically go into a shaking/twitching spell, and it wouldn’t stop until class ending. Anyway one particular day, I was sitting with him, and we were talking random shit. Sometimes I say things that don’t come out right (18+) and I guess he took it For real. When I looked back up from my paper, I seen his dick. Like he whipped it out it class. I tried to ignore him, until I had to tie my fucking shoe. GOD I HATE MY SHOE NOW. After I tied it, he grabbed my head and shoved me down on to his member. Very disgusting, we weren’t dating anymore and this was fucking forced. Ngl I had feelings for him still, I did touch it a couple of times, I’m not going to make him the villain, but what he did wasn’t right.

Back to the break up topic: it was January 22nd(?) idk fuck the date. So we got in an argument for whatever reason, and that’s when he broke up with me, I was already suffering, I felt like the black sheep in my household and I didn’t have a shoulder to lean on and cry. That sucked the most. So after he broke up with me, I just went incognito. I stopped going to school for a couple of days. And even when I did go to school, I would call my grandma to come get me. It made me so sick, I woke up shaking one day. Could barley walk nor talk. I was hurt. I felt like my world was ending. I wanted to die. Not because of getting broken up with, but just not being enough for everyone. My grades were slipping and so was my mind. There was a bunch of times where I would just think about killing myself then and there. Nobody knew of these thoughts but my sister.. even so then she told my mom and what did I get? Yelled at. At that point I wasn’t having it. I was self harming myself and all. The cuts were pretty bad to the point where, when my heart would beat you could see the heartbeat movement thumping through my left breast. Yes it’s supposed to do that when your heartbeat is hard or something like that. I think it only happens when you’re nervous. But every time I would step out of a quiet place, I would have an anxiety attack, even if it was going on the bus.

This leads me to my last topic, my parents finding out I was depressed: this was in April, the found out from my eldest sister. They acted like I didn’t know what love was and how it felt to be heartbroken. They said I didn’t have depression and it was for attention. They didn’t even try to have a talk with me about anything, just constant yelling. Even my middle sister said it was wrong for them to do, I really didn’t want to live after that. I couldn’t even sleep in my bed that night. I got in the shower and sat on the floor facing the wall for twenty minutes, just rocking back and forth, I didn’t feel loved at all. That night I slept with my sister, she knew how I felt. I actually prayed that I would die in my sleep that night. But to them it was just tough love.

Honestly it took me a while to write this confession. I haven’t healed completely from the twitching and anxiety. But I’m fine now. I think the entire yelling part from my parents helped me out, because now I’m not as soft as I was anymore. I know this is all over the place but I tried to write it without crying like a dumbass, I SUCCEEDED!! Well yeah, this was an late night confession:))) heh I really do like those pictures :)) (while writing this, I’m listening to crossing fields by LiSA. I WANNA DANCE.. but it’s 4:22 in the morning. Hahah)

[broadwaycantdie]

Race’s Quarantine Journal

( Race’s POV ) + ( Diary ) + ( High School AU )

a/n: aka me projecting

sorry this is shitty, i’m just feeling a lot rn and i wanted to get it all out

warnings: mental health, mentions of self harm and death, language

March 10, 2020

Everything has been crazy. People keep talking about some virus going around. It’s probably not too bad, I’ve had the flu before.

March 13, 2020

My school just sent me an email saying we can’t go back until April? Huh? Well at least I can finally get a break. School has been kicking my ass. I need a nice little vacation. I’ll relax and hang out with my friends. A quick little month long break ain’t too bad my senior year.

March 18, 2020

You’re telling me that my teachers are still giving work on this break? And they want me to video chat with them? Hell no. This is my vacation. I’ll just catch up when we go back to school.

March 21, 2020

So my parents aren’t letting me leave the house? It can’t be that bad. Maybe I should do my own research cause there is no way that all these shops should be closing and that I can't leave. I don't know what I’ll do if I’m stuck in this house for a month. All my friends can't leave either. Maybe we can just video chat I guess. I’ll see them soon enough anyway.

March 31, 2020

I’ve done so much research. Everything is so bad. So many people are dying. No one is doing anything about it. Why the fuck isn't anyone doing anything about it? Why are people still going out? Nothing is open. Go home.

April 1, 2020

I woke up today hoping this all was a crazy April Fool’s prank.

I wish I was right.

April 6, 2020

I was supposed to go back to school today.

Instead I got another email saying the closure got extended.

I don’t know when we’ll be able to go back.

April 10, 2020

I’ve been picking up a lot of hobbies.

Mostly I’ve been dancing. It calms my nerves. I’m going crazy in this house.

I tried painting but that got messy. I tried reading some books but words have never been the easiest things for me. I tried playing guitar with an old one I found in the garage but it hurts my fingers too much.

I’ll stick with dancing.

April 15, 2020

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve redecorated my bedroom 3 times and my parents told me if they hear me moving furniture in the middle of the night one more time they’d make me take everything down.

I feel trapped.

April 16, 2020

Maybe I should try to write in here more. That’s the only thing I can think to do. I could do a “what I did today” or a mood tracker. I might actually do the mood tracker but I know all well I won’t do it everyday. Maybe weekly? Maybe every couple days? Maybe whenever I feel like it?

Okay....today I feel: Bored.

April 22, 2020

It's Earth Day. One of my favorite days.

I hope that with the world shut down the Earth can breathe a little easier today.

Today I feel: Hopeful.

April 25, 2020

Today would’ve been my senior prom.

I actually had a date and everything, for the first time. How great would that have been?

I’m not gonna write a lot today. Too sad.

May 1, 2020

I can’t do this much longer. Everything sucks and I feel so stuck. I haven't left my house, I haven't seen my friends, my family is driving me crazy, my sleep schedule is totally fucked, I haven’t been this depressed since middle school, and I can’t do anything about any of it. It fucking sucks.

May 3, 2020

Let’s play a fun game. Okay so I’ll start with 10 fingers up and if this thing has happened put a finger down.

Okay so put a finger down if you really liked someone and you had a good thing going with them but you let the worst person in your life convince you that you shouldn't be with them and that they were the problem so you had to hurt the person you really liked to make the worst person feel better cause they manipulated you and took control of your brain and then the person you liked ended up dating one of your friends and you couldn't even be mad at them cause they were so happy and cute and you were happy for them both but then they broke up and you don’t know if it’s cool to talk to the guy you liked cause your friend is the ex and you haven't talked to them in a long time and they probably hate you cause you hurt him and he wouldn't understand cause your excuse is so shitty and you guys are now so different and life is just really hard and you think about what y’all had and miss it so much cause it was so good and thats all you want, to be loved, and you know it’ll never be the same so you don't even bother.

I’m down to 9 fingers.

God I fucking miss him.

May 4, 2020

For a long time I’ve convinced myself I don’t deserve love and I really think it’s true. That’s all I’ve ever wanted but I’ve done so many bad things what if no one wants me?

Everyone hates me. My friends only pretend to like me. I don’t understand why someone would want to be friends with someone like me. I’m so difficult.

May 6, 2020

It feels like I dropped out.

I’m not doing any school work. I missed my prom. I probably won't have a graduation ceremony. Worst part is, I didn’t drop out. I can’t just move on. I have to just sit with this.

I guess it's not hitting me as hard as some other people because I didn’t even plan to be alive this long so I was already prepared to miss them. It’ll probably hit me soon tho. I just won't let myself breakdown. Not yet.

May 8, 2020

Can I just say something?

I’m so fucking tired of being alone.

Not just cause quarantine, like in general. I want to be loved but I have to fuck everything up all the time, God why am I so stupid all the time?

And I don’t mean my friends just saying “oh I love you!” like no, thats nice, but at the end of the day that’s not the kind of love thats going to marry me, or hold me when I can’t sleep at night, or cook dinner with me.

I’m so tired of being undeserving and undesirable. What is wrong with me? What does everyone hate so much?

If I’m being honest, I cry every night because of this loneliness I feel. I just want it to stop.

May 10, 2020

My panic attacks are getting worse. For no reason.

I panic over things that 3 months ago I would've just pushed away. But now this isolation and fear is making everything so bad.

I started seeing things again. I started picking and twitching and shaking again. I haven't been this bad in a long time. How long before the thoughts come back? The urges? Will I be able to stop them this time? I hope so. I really hope.

May 13, 2020

So I’ve officially reverted back into my childhood state of watching old cartoons all day for any sort of serotonin. It's working a little ngl.

May 15, 2020

I picked up my yearbook today. I drove to my school and they handed it to me through a window. Can’t get it signed, can’t see anyone, can’t do anything.

I don't know if I have the strength to look through it right now knowing I might never see these kids again.

May 17, 2020

I had one of the worst episodes in a while today.

I saw this video and I don’t wanna talk about it cause I don't want to think about it but it made me twitch and shake for so long.

I couldn’t stop. I was so scared. I picked at my skin for a long time. I couldn't open my eyes. My head hurts from shaking for so long.

I just want to go to sleep.

May 20, 2020

My parents are so clueless. Do they really not know? Do they choose to look past it? Do they know and not want to say anything?

Can they not see that I’m not fucking okay?

There is no way they don’t notice how I twitch and shake and pick at my skin. They can’t ignore my tear soaked face almost daily. They might not see when I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and desperately try to calm myself. But they never ask me if I’m okay.

The answer is “no” if they ever decide to ask.

May 23, 2020

I’m official a high school graduate!

Though it doesn't really feel like it.

I drove to the school and picked up my diploma and that was it. A masked “congratulations” and a piece of paper and that was that.

Congrats to me though. I guess.

May 27, 2020

I feel so empty.

Actually, I don't feel anything.

I just sit here. I don't remember when I last ate. I haven’t gotten out of bed. Haven’t watched anything. Just thinking.

Today is not a good day.

I don't want to be alive today.

I just hope the urges stay at bay. I don't know if I can stop myself this time.

May 30, 2020

I wish I was dead.

Everything I love is being taken away from me.

I want to kill myself. I haven’t felt like this in years. Everything is only getting worse and I can't stop it.

I want to but I can’t. If I try and fail thats selfish cause I’d be taking up space in the hospital for people who actually need it.

I’m useless. I’m powerless. I want out.

May 31, 2020

I’m so sick. I’m so weak. My head is killing me.

I’m not sick, I just feel shitty. Not an uncommon feeling.

I don’t know how much longer I can fight off the urges.

I’m sorry.

I wish I was sick. It would make this whole thing easier. I feel like this will never end. I want out.

I’m sorry.

[axelsandwich]

unasked for endgame thoughtdump!

(spoilers!)

pacing in first half was all over the place and weirdly emotionally empty, the whole ‘I figured out time travel’ thing was so casual and seemed like it happened in barely 2 days

time travel was a copout, they wrote themselves into a corner and time travel was a cheap way to get them out. not to mention the loopholes always give me headaches and no amount of lampshading and ~explaining the timelines~ gets around that. I groaned and rolled my eyes inwardly when they said time travel like......there was nooo other way huh

captain marvel just appeared and then disappeared i guess???? ?

i was just really sad about thor basically becoming comic relief, they never know when to stop pushing the joke before it gets tired; the moment with rocket I thought was a great chance for them to have a proper conversation as two people who had lost the most from the entire thing and then it was like ‘lol jokes we’re not done laughing at him being dumb’

like seriously thor’s trauma was rich with nuances to explore, they really could have segued beautifully from the initial shock into something darker and more meaningful but every time it threatened to get a little deeper, they dragged him back up to shallow

i’m glad he had a moment with his mum, one of the rare ones he did have

legit impressed they managed to replicate (????) the past movies so well i actually wondered if they had shot these extra scenes while filming the originals bc they recreated everything so well? like? wow?

cap and tony going back to the military base and howard and peggy just HAPPENING to be the people they run into was contrived as all hell but I still aw’d 

but wow there was Z E R O tesseract security huh

i was kinda pissed by nat being the only one to die from the original avengers ngl, i know scarjo’s contract or w/e is up but like.......she was much more present than clint this entire journey and I’m sick of the optics of ~woman sacrifices herself so man can angst about it~ and mcu doesn’t have a good track record here

cap with thor’s hammer was one of the best moments, the cinema gasped

okay i got a bit emotional when the other avengers came back not gonna lie, it was a great frikkin moment, that swell of relief and excitement bc you knew they were gonna kick ass

let’s ignore how thanos managed to bring his entire army to the...future...on one pym or something.... but let’s not because time travel ig????? 

I was ‘fuck yess’ at wanda finally getting to fight with her powers vs thanos noice

for that matter, not a SINGLE person dies in the final battle except tony? sounds.....convenient

tony’s death was well done though; that eye contact w dr strange and the finger and the moment it clicks. damn powerful

uhh let’s ignore how he managed to get all the infinity stones off the gauntlet that easily 

the marvel ladies marching towards the enemy would have been much less contrived and more slick if we had actually like...followed them fighting in the tag team way, flashing from one to another clearing the path for captain marvel rather than having a weird catwalk moment

for one brief shining moment I legitimately thought bucky was going to go with steve on their time travel adventure to return the stones and sam was going to be left there to pick up the mantle and then i remembered it’s marvel and it sucks

i like steve and peggy just fine and im glad they got to reunite but like.....does this retcon peggy’s entire other family and life that she built without steve? wasn’t the entire POINT of peggy’s arc and her role in steve’s life that we can’t go back to the way things were and that we have to start over??? and he HAD a life in the modern day with bucky (who he fought TOOTH AND NAIL AND IRONMAN to get back) and sam and his friends ughh 

the old man steve stuff was a bit confusing and unnecessary imo and why did he appear on a bench im jhfsfjhs

soo many plot hole questions

anyway time travel I just really don’t like time travel

anyway this was absolutely an ironman and capt america sendoff which was appropos I guess but im a bit underwhelmed. there were parts I really enjoyed but I think infinity wars managed to be the stronger of the two

[softstraykidsimagines]

Boyfriend!Felix Stray Kids

OH BOY

Felix.

The meme himself

The creator of Changpil

I know right here and now this is going to end me

Let’s get started!

His crush on you is so bloody obvious

He’s not the subtle type

That’s not to say he isn’t hella shy with you tho

No no

He’s gonna tease you to no end istg

But he’ll always end up reassuring you that he doesn’t mean it at all and how special you truly are

Just RaNDoMly likes to crush you in a hug

Quoting the meme “that’s my best friend that’s my best friend!!””

Ye he’s very energetic with you

He’s never

NEVER

Going to stop talking around you

Unless he gets flustered with you

And then he’ll sit verrrrry still

Hands on his lap

With his lips pressed together

And owl eyes

0_0

You don’t really get why he does it

It’s cute tho

What you don’t realize is that he’s fighting with every fiber of his being to not scream and dance around because

Holy shit

He’s head over heels for you

He’s gonna try to confess romantically

Pfft like that’s gonna work out

Gonna try to take you to your favorite takeout restaurant and buy your favorite food

And he’s gonna try to stay calm

He doesn’t stay calm

He’ll suddenly blurt everything in one go:

“Soireallylikeyouandivelikedyouforasuperlongtimesoiwashopingwecouldhangoutasmorethanjustfriendssometime???!!!!!”

Basically shouted

And you’re sitting in front of him SH00K AF because

1) he confessed so suddenly

2) he did just basically yell in your face

Needless to say you’re a little lost

And poor Felix

He just looks at you horrified, apologizes for shouting and kinda looks in every direction as if waiting for someone to come rescue him

But he doesn’t get up

And finally lowers his head

“Sorry I was an idiot there…. I panicked…? I don’t know how to think staight with you”

And you’re about to get teary-eyed because BOI THAT WAS SO SINCERE

“I really like you too, Felix” you say beaming

He’s gonna look at you with the happiest smile ever omg

The same expression he had when JYP said they were debuting as 9 that expression gives me life tbh

So there we go! You guys go on a first date and it’s a sealed deal from there!

Dates with Felix

How to put it?

Chaotic? Ye that’s the word

Improvised, chaotic, fun, amazing dates

You’re ready to collapse at the end of it lol

Especially loves to go to archades or a laser tag I LOVE LASER TAG AND I WANT TO PLAY LASER TAG WITH FELIX DAMMIT *ahem* excuse me

Can you imagine running around in a dark room playing against another huge team

Which Felix is in

You don’t really know-how you both ended up on different teams smh

And you round a corner to see him facing you with the slyest of smiles

“Hey y/n! Look, I’ve got a gun!!” And proceeds to shoot you

Earning a yell of anger from you as he runs away laughing his ass off

Isn’t shy about skinship

Holds your hand without hesitation

But if you peck him on the cheek without warning

He’s gonna have a red face

And he’ll slowly melt into a puddle of goo in your hands

Ye he’s soft

Your first kiss is from a dare I bet

“You need to beat me at this game or I get a kiss”

“But you’re really good at this game and I suck!!”

“Exactly! Now let’s play”

He wins but you refuse to kiss him

“I never agreed to your terms, mister”

He pouts like a puppy but you don’t back down

“Fine then” he sulks “I’ll play it your way” and he snatches your food

Crisps, gummy sweets or a churro, he’s gonna take it and run off with it

“HOW. DARE. YOU STEAL MY FOOD! GET BACK HERE” you run after him, and you both get looks from passing people they judgin you hard

You finally catch up to him, huffing and puffing “give it back, dork”

He jumps around refusing to give your food back

You’ve lost all patience by now

You’re practically steaming when you finally growl “give it back you son of a b—“

He kissed you right on the lips, interrupting you

When you part he’s gonna let out a little scream

“I’m sorry I surprised you! That wasn’t at all planned! Can we rewind and start over??”

And then he’ll run away again, panicking.

With your food.

“FELIX ITS FINE JUST GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN SNACK”

Hehe you better wear ear defenders when you meet the rest of SK

They’re gonna scream 10x louder than ever when they see you

Congratulating Felix, warning you not to tell him where you hide your food etc

You know, Stray Kids stuff :)

“Y/n, can you teach us how you keep him under control?” -Hyunjin

“That would be useful but no one can control that hurricane of a kid” -Chan

“Feel free to hit him if he gets too annoying” -Jisung, as felix tries to wrestle him into the ground

“I hope you’re the right one for him, y/n” says Changbin. “He’s a good person, so don’t hurt him; or you’ll have to deal with me” it highkey sounds like a threat, hello Changlix

You two are the couple that don’t know wtf they’re doing half the time

You’re just having the time of your lives being together

Both of you will be lost if the other gets sick

“Is it a cold? Flu? What can I do to help?? And I might need help in helping you...” -either one of you

After many failed attempts at trying to make food or find the right medicine, you’ll just fall asleep on each other, completely exhausted 

Felix can get insecure about his elimination in the 9th cries in 4 different languages 

And sometimes will work himself to the bone 

If you try to stop him he’ll get really defensive 

He’ll push you away 

“You don’t understand! You can’t understand! How can you?! I need to get this perfect or... or.....” 

He realizes what he said and that it must have hurt you 

Even if you keep a plain face and a steady voice, he’ll know that it hurts you 

He’ll just break down in tears 

“I’m sorry *sniff* I can’t even talk to you properly.... I want to get this right, I want to prove that I deserve to be in Stray Kids....” 

You’re crying as hard as he is

Because his pain is yours as well 

You hug him tightly, listing all the amazing things he can do 

And all the things you love about him 

And you’ll repeat over and over how much he does deserve to be in Stray Kids

And that will calm him down 

NO MORE ANGST IM CRYING DONT LOOK AT ME 

He loves teaching you dances 

Not just dances that SK have done, but dances he’s done before moving to Korea 

Will actually interrupt you if you try to tell him that you can’t dance 

“You can. Because I’m teaching you. And i say you can dance. So you can dance.” 

Veeeerrry stubborn  

Tried to teach you to beat box like him 

It doesn’t work 

Sometimes asks for help when he’s learning something new in Korean 

Even if you suck at speaking it he’ll enjoy trying to learn with you 

Isn’t the texting type 

He’ll call/FaceTime you when he knows you’re free and when he wants to update you in the day 

Is the type to yell your name as soon as you pick up 

And you reciprocate by yelling his name 

If you’re in a place where you won’t draw too much attention to yourself 

You both send your fav memes 

Or quote them lmao 

He loves quoting hella old things the other members have said and melts when you start saying them too 

It drives SK up the wall RIP 

You two are in charge of cooking 2-3 nights a week for the boys 

Neither of you know why Chan was so ruddy insistant on it 

But meh you just roll with it 

If you have to cut onions, you’re both gonna start singing Seventeen’s ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’ 

The cooking days can be either a complete success 

Or a total disaster 

There is no in between 

At all. 

But most of the time you guys make a decent meal to feed 8 other hungry children artists so everyone’s happy 

This boy is nervous as fuck to meet your family  

At first he tries to back out of it 

“Ah ye, I think I’ll be sick on that day?” 

“What?” 

“I MEAN I MIGHT HAVE AN APPOINTMENT” 

He sucks at lying 

But he actually gets his shit together when you meet up 

Good clothes, perfect hair I mean he has perfect hair anyway sooo 

And he’s super smiley 

He’s obviously tense 

To you anyway 

But your fam don’t seem to pick up on his nervousness 

And the day goes by smoothly, and Felix finally relaxes 

He’s gonna flip his shit when you ask to come with him next time he goes to Australia 

He’s gonna start planning it immediately 

If his family don’t beat him to it and visit in Korea that is....

Then he stops functioning 

Amazing s/o + family = happiest boy on the planet 

And you’re relatively chilled about meeting him parents 

And they are SO SWEET 

You get along so freaking well with his sisters and he lowkey becomes jealous 

It’s just the most amazing thing for both of you ever 

In the evenings after practice Felix loves to just drift off while you two talk 

From what you did in the day to a random anecdote from a decade ago 

He enjoys the peace of it until he falls asleep 

Will collapse with happiness if you wear his hoodies 

“ITS LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU” 

“Felix are you seriously crying right now?”

“I’m just so stupidly lucky” 

Definitely not gonna say ‘I love you’ on purpose 

100% an accident 

He’s gonna say it when he’s half asleep, probs won’t even realize that he’s said it until you react 

“Man, I must dead-ass be the luckiest person on Earth to have someone as amazing as you” he rambles. “I love you so much and I just want to tell the world that I do....” 

Leaving you SH00K to the core 

“YOU WOT MATE?” 

If you say it first he’s gonna cry 

Don’t @ me I know he’s gonna cry 

He's probs stolen your food again

And he’s lowkey being a twat 

“If you had to choose your fav food or me, what would you choose?” 

“Seriously? The food, duh” 

“DUDE WHAT? Alright then! I’ll just leave” you drag him back by his arm 

“Noooooo don’t leave I don’t want you to gooooo” 

“Why not?” 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT, WHY ELSE YOU IDIOT” 

He’d do that thing again 

0_0 

“Oh my god, Felix I’m sorry it just slipped out” 

“...”

“Felix?”

“I LOVE YOU TOO” he screams 

Once again leaving you SH00K 

And he’ll crush you in the biggest hug ever 

IM SO SOFT HALP MEH 

When SK are away 

Ngl, I would pray for them 

Felix is a whiney baby without you 

Can even be in a grumpy mood 

FaceTimes you in the evenings 

His or your evenings, depending on the time zone

And you two will talk quietly until one of you falls asleep

It’s insanely adorable 

Will actually start dancing in the airport before seeing you because he’s so bloody excited 

And the rest of the boys disown him 

“Who’s that, dancing? He looks like a pigeon” -Woojin

“Dunno, never seen him before in my life” -Minho

Earning a protest from Felix

Your ears will fall off when he finally sees you 

“OHMYGODY/NYOU’REHEREI’VEMISSEDYOUSOMUCHI’MSOGLADTOSEEYOUAGAIN” 

“FELIX SHUT UP YOU’RE RAMBLING AGAIN”

“WHY ARE WE STILL YELLING?”

Changbin butts in “I DON’T KNOW SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”

He’ll go public about your relationship anytime after a year 

In the least flattering way for you 

He’s definitely the guy who pretends to take a photo and ends up taking a video smh 

You’re both smiling at the camera and he’s not taking it 

“Hurry up, man, my cheekbones are getting sore” 

No response from him 

You immediately catch on what he was doing 

“Omg I can’t believe you!!!” 

As he laughs like an idiot 

Will still make sure you’re ok with him posting it tho 

And when he does 

TheInternetHasShutDown.jpg 

You guys will break the internet

There’s not a single person of consequence who doesn’t love you two 

It’s absolutely amazing 

A/N: PHEW! This adorable nugget coming to wreck all your bias lists lmao

Hope enjoy reading! Later :D

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 2 - Valiant

- ik for a fact that this one is the episode with the asshhoole. not bc i recognised it from the title but perhaps it was because i recognised it from the title u got me there

- i always go to mr clean too when i want protection, val, ur not alone

- yeah, this is harry potter l ma o

- the next thing u know theres a stone that makes arthur live forever and the snakes start joining into one and growing bigger until a phoenix (im dibbing on kilgie here), pops their corneas out

- DAMN DON'T KILL UR DEALER WHERE U GONNA GET THE NEW SHIT FROM NEXT TIME SMH VALIANT

- okay but who names their son valiant

- he was probably named valerie and didnt like it so he said “woah imma be valiant like courage, thats sick”

- that was probably his superhero persona as a child ngl

- no, shev, no respect for val stop doing this

- merlin in armour, what a fucking bLESiSNG GIVING ME THIS RIGHT ON THE SPOT BBC KNOWS WHATS GOOD

- ok a y but hear me out, merlins a servant. i have not seen any of these servants been asked to train with the royals??? like in the sense where it helps the servant train as well?? and the FIRST thing arthur does with merlin as his servant is train with him. not only is arthur a huge JOCK, he’s not using his manservant properly

- neverfuckingmind “most servants collapse after the first blow”, so it seems to be arthur likes to train with his servants. now that in itself is a question to be asked, but is he the only royal who trains with his servants??? how did this man survive on his own without a personal servant until merlin??? did he have a personal servant??? was it just regular servants?? who are those other servants he trained with??? did arthur just say hey lets go to the field in the morning, put on armour and let’s have a fun time?? UNLESS merlin literally just took someones job away from them kmao

- also my mind went right to the gutter guys, ngl, it sounded like an innuendo. it had me quaking i wish i was one of those servants

- “we all have our duties, even arthur” “it must be so tough for him, all the *hesitates* girl, all the glory”

- so we probably get at least 1 out of every 2 episodes where there’s a scene with merlin dressing arthur in his armour. bring the popcorn, lads.

- MORGANA LOOKING LIKE A FRICKEN SNACK

- the reigning champion is arthur, wonder fucking w h y

- valiant is in fucking mustard, while arthur is fucking ketchup idk why i thought of that but it happened. my literature teacher always told me to look for symbolisms. guess we found one guys.

- merlin after hating on arthur for the past episode is literally just cheering arthur on like a good husband he is

- did ARTHUR JUST SNICKER AT MERLINS “CREEP” LMAO DON'T TRY AND HIDE IT BY HUFFING AT HIM AFTERWARDS YOU FUCKING GOOF

- omg he hid it by telling merlin to do a full novel of chores

- AND MERLIN DOES IT WITH MAGIC A PAIR OF GOOFS

-  “are you using magic again” “no” merlin ffs he just saw you use magic, while the items fell and landed right in front of him while you didn’t move at aLL. they are nOT BLIND

- “very aggressive style” I MEAN SURE UTHER

- valerie be fuckboying morgana lmao with a “i saw you watching” and a, “then i will give everything to win the tournament”

- i wish this show was set in the early 2000s so i can see val in low sweatpants, a backwards cap with gelled spiky hair and cheap neon sunglasses (maybe even some gold teeth just for kicks), while hes trying to rap 50 cents or make a mixtape of brit pop songs. bc yes.

- honestly im loving my 2000 fuckboy au. gonna make an ao3 after this.

- of course merlin would be the one to find out the magic shit in valiants room, it just lures him. AND OF COURSE VALIANT IS THERE

- i'm so fucking glad arthur looks confused as to how merlin did what he asked. when u have this kind of hubby, arthur, its amazing what things he can do.

- i dont know why theres dramatic music as merlin put armour on arthur but im living for it

- “is it my imagination or are you beginning to enjoy yourself?” merlin doesn't know what to say to that bc he’s turning gay and doesn't know if that counts as enjoying oneself when the one you are gay for is the asshole prince

- typically enough, valiant and arthur never fight except for the finale. like with all conveniences in place, youd expect them to have at least fought at some point with as much knights as there to determine the final two but no, just the finale. k.

- this poor fucking purple knighted bloke didn’t need to be fucking demonstrated on, val. like you didn't need to kill him?? that could have blown ur cover

- DID NOBODY SEE THAT??? DID NOBODY SEE THE FUCKING SNAKES???

- oooh merlin found out what happened everyone gonna be fucked. nobody harms arthur is he has something to say about it

- if someone starts off a sentence with “i just saw someones snakes on their shield come alive” nobody would fucking believe you, merls. but given the fact that magic exist… mhh maybe it wouldn’t be too absurd. but ppl apparently are thick as hell

- “why were you in his chambers” well i know how id explain if i was in valiants chambers ;)

- jk i dont fall for this toxic shit

- imagine getting paid as an actor just just lie down there like this poisoned kid. “yeah, id like to audition for ewan’s role???” “why are you lying on the ground?”

- i hate those tropes where it's like “i know how to tell someones bad, here’s proof” and then nobody believes you and tells you you’re lying and should die or whatever but then you kNOW IT'S THE FUCKIN TRUTH BITCH that trope gives me damn anxiety >:((

- yes merlin, fucking slash the shield with your sword. i'm sure that's how it works. im sure it will kill the snakes.

- HOWA RE THE SNAKES ALIVE WITHOUT VAL SAYING “ISHNAHASHAHI”

- i think val would know that you cut off the snake’s head, merls, just saying. ur were the oNLY ONE.

- TELL ARTHUR WHAT??? “I CUT A SNAKE”

- EXACLTY ONG THAT'S WHAT MERLIN FUCKING SAID I WAS RIGHT LMAO

- ARTHUR BELEIVED HIM I'M FUCKING LIVING BUT IK WHAT HAPPENS AND AHH

- uhhh the anxiety is rolling up boys

- ewan is mcfuckingdead

- snake be sliding in like a hoe on a business

- bfehfjdjfskf i hate this part

- arthur's pride, merlin’s pride, fuck me

- i'm not even gonna write this part, it breaks my fragile heart when arthur sees the look of people not believing him, especially his dad, and merlin seeing how arthur doesn't trust him anymore like prepare the eulogies girlies

- okay but if arthur is struck and gaius has the antidote?? arthur aint gonna die technically

- but now val knows merlin knows

- AND MERLIN INTERVENES

- why are royals so bitchy towards servants. like they do their best to help you??? they are loyal to you and are paid there to serve you and are often very kind, generous, passive, understanding people??? yet merlin interrupts uther and he fucking sends him to the pit

- VAL YOU ASS LMAO DON'T HURT MY SON’S PRIDE

- he said allegations like four times, yes uther we know ur vocab is shining with intellect but seriously, there’s other synonyms that could still be acceptable and still sound fancy

- quick search on google bc my mind doesnt roll fast enough: claim, assertion, charge, accusation, declaration, statement, contention, deposition, argument, affirmation. see daddy uther, not hard to look up.

- forget they didnt have internet whoopsies

- :((( arthur doesn't trust merlin anymore

- the husbands FIGHT

- not just a banter petty fight, this is a huge fight

- SACKING MERLIN DON'T FUCKING SACK MERLIN YOU GOOF

- TRUST UR HUBBY

- FUCK

- I'M GONNA CRY AND IT'S ONLY EPISODE TWO

- I'M HAVING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS CONCERNING MY TWO BOYS

- GUYS IM NOT OKAy

- its been 2 minutes after i wrote that last sentence, and i am now okay

- “a half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole” iconic as hell. so many things could be said about that quote. either for innuendo purposes, love purposes, destiny purposes, how long it took me to say it right, just so many purposes man. it’s just iconic.

- merlin looks absolutely done with kilgaharama’s shit

- “just give me a straight answer” seems like kilgarass here is being too gay for merlin

- gwen already knows merlin’s the heroin of the series, saying everyone knows it's merlin who will save the day. but same tbh

- i dunno if this is like me or not but it says her nickname is gwyn in the subtitles but im typing it as gwen which i thought was how u wrote it, even if her full name is gwynevere but like gwen has a ring to it while gwyn sounds like gwin or smth and i dunno which one is right so ill just leave it alone ahjsjfk

- MORGANA HAS VISIONS WE ALREADY KNOW WHERE THIS GOES SHES MAGIC ISNT SHE HAHAHAHAUHD

- merlin trying one last time to convince his husband not to die, but at least this time arthur knows he’s up for val’s magic and is like “k iloveyou but i have to do this for the country not just bc of pride and thinking val is not magic”

- staring into the fire like he’s hoping it would suck him up into the void, not only is merlin a now confirmed emo, so is fucking arthur it seems. perfect for one another i'm telling you

- eerie music as morgana enters… wha suddenly i can't read

- i thought at first morgana and arthur were gonna end up together cause of the fucking weird tension going on and i was prepared to be disfuckinggusted but no! the show and producers actually put my expectations away and helped me see that it wasn’t going in that direction! thank fucking god! 

- k but arthur looks majestic in his gear im just a huge bi

- “don’t go into my room” he says then gaius peaks in and almost gets mauled by a large chihuahua

- me too val, id step on someone's toes then fuck them up with an undercut. thats the bad bitch way to go. unless it for arthur, then val hahaha you can go fuck yourself

- no one sees mErLin??

- but they now see the snakes smh fakes

- “what are you doing? i didn't summon you” i don't think that will work val cause you didn't say it with a serpent tongue, it has to sound more like “shhashhwhat ahhssare hiisssyou iisshhaadoing?”

- okay but i thought arthur was impaled for a half second until he started to talk then i screamed that he was aight and he would now believe merlin

- uther better give merlin an apology

- arthur just said he wouldnt

- but still uther BETTER APOLOGISE TO FUCKING MERLIN

- “yknow i wish valiant was escorting me” “me too” i thought for a fricken moment arthur wished valiant would have escorted HIM. i'm dying.OMG

- “i wanted to say i made a mistake. it was unfair to sack you.” “don’t worry about it. buy me a drink and we’ll call it even.” DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU JUST SAID MERLIN YOU SLY DOG OMG

- “i can’t really be seen to be buying drinks for my servant.” so if he wasn’t ur servant?? you’d say yes?? they are so fucking gay i can't anymore

- yeah, i literally fucking can't

[lattetimes]

So How About Them New Episodes, Ammirite Ladies??

here’s what i thought of the new episodes via live reactions as i watching them!

overall, it was kinda underwhelming but there were parts that i really did like! and if you liked these episodes, that’s awesome!

MAYOR DEWEY WINS

was this title a reference to the movie/book John Dies at the End, cause if so then i’m shocked i caught that

apparently it is, would you look at that. btw i kinda liked the movie.

damn, Sadie took this hard. and Steven never told Lars’ parents. so i guess Sadie has to do that herself.

why tf does Steven care if Dewey wins?!

OH, IT’S BECAUSE HE DON’T WANT SHIT TO CHANGE AND HE THINKS HAVING A NEW MAYOR WOULD BE BAD WTF DEWEY DOES NOTHING

ok wow, there’s only 24 people in Beach City and he never noticed that Lars was gone!?

“is that why the donut shop was closed?”

“we’ll hire a new donut boy!” DEWEY. DUDE. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

“high school mayor” lmao

how did he run unopposed for 10 years!?

LARS’ MOM KEEPS A SHITTON OF TOMATOES IN HER PURSE SHE READY TO THROW DOWN ALL THE TIME

i don’t like that Steven is so adamant on Dewey winning.

jesus, Steven, let Nanefua win. she’s obviously the better person for the job

“i’m done pointing my finger at you, and now i direct all my fingers on both my hands to the citizens” top 10 anime deaths

NANEFUA WINS, OH MY GOD YES

STEVEN, DUDE, REALLY?! LEAVE CONNIE ALONE!

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but i need to get a new job” 2018 mood tbh

episode rating: 2 tomatoes out of 5. i can’t stand Steven in this episode at all. but hey, NANEFUA WON!!!!!!

RAISING THE BARN

....was Lapis’ main concern that Steven dropped his phone on Homeworld? not the fact that he was... idk... ON HOMEWORLD?!

ok Lapis is ready to bail immediately and tbh i dont blame her

did she just uproot the entire bard wtf?! 

BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

episode rating: 1.5 barns out of 5. BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

GEMCATION

^ mfw Amethyst basically spat an egg out her mouth (it was kinda gross)

well. Greg got some kinda house.... still don’t get why the crew is so against having Greg get a house

also, where’s Peridot?

“remove all shoes before entering” Pearl fucking THROWS A RANDOM ASS PAIR OF SHOES

OKAY PEARL SCREAMING “PARTY GUY, NO!” WAS ACTUALLY KINDA FUNNY

S H O W M E P A R T Y G U Y Y O U C O W A R D S

“Steven, you should join me. become a raisin” ok Garnet

did. did Steven completely cut Garnet off as she was talking about Pink Diamond and the Gem War with the whole, “yeah, yeah, i get it, Mom. i already heard this story” kinda thing? B R U H that ain’t okay

AND GARNET JUST SHUTS UP AND WAS LIKE “good, you understand”

PEARL WAS GONNA STRAIGHT UP ADMIT TO SOME HUGE THING AFTER HER “THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN” LINE AND HE CUTS HER OFF WITH “CONNIE HATES ME”

WHY COULDN’T STEVEN AT LEAST TELL THESE FOUR THAT HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT CONNIE HATING HIM?!

I’M KINDA GETTING SICK OF SEEING STEVEN MOPE LIKE THIS FOR 3 EPISODES STRAIGHT AND I HOPE HE DOESN’T KEEP THIS UP FOR THE NEXT 2

OH NO, PLEASE DISREGARD ALL OF THE MESSED UP THINGS YOU SAW ON HOMEWORLD CAUSE CONNIE IS (rightfully) UPSET WITH YOU. LARS D I E D.

GUITAR DAD SAVES THE DAY

i love Greg Universe

how would you not notice if you aren’t getting any service on your phone? your phone tells you when you’re getting service or not

bruh you almost made your dad drive off a cliff for you to get phone service

Greg Universe is a ride or die kinda guy

this ending shot is cute, i’ll give you that. 

episode rating: 2 party guys out of 5. Party Guy should’ve bitten Steven’s phone and his shit attitude. also PEARL WTF ARE YOU TELL US ALREADY

BACK TO THE KINDERGARTEN

Connie i miss you

“of the three things i have to do in the sink now, this is the one i least mind you seeing” B R U H

 Peridot listens to country music, this is disgusting

HOLY SHIT AMETHYST IS TOSSIN’ PERIDOT AROUND LIKE SHE WEIGHS NOTHING AND I’M CRACKING UP

“can i bring my music?” “NO.” damn Amethyst you already threw Peri around like she ain’t nothin’, let her bring her music if it’ll help her

aaaay, they’re in the train again!

dang, Peri really loved the barn.

i kinda like that Amethyst is going around trying to figure out which member of the Famethyst came out of which part of the Kindergarten. kinda cute. 

so everything is seriously determined by the nutrition, right down to the style of a Gem’s hair? ...huh. iron deposits determine hair styles.

damn, Peri went with a sucker punch to the gut with her little speech about how Kindergartens kill off life and are just “lifeless husks” once all the Gems are done being formed. and Amethyst feels awful about it, dang.

ok. there’s a flower growin’ in the Kindergarten, and that should technically be impossible due to all of the nutrients in this one area being used up. this could be interesting.

ok, so now the trio is gonna farm & see what happens. ok, ok, i can roll with this i guess.

FARMING MONTAGE

look at them flowers

they proud

don’t make Peri live here

why the flamingo thingy taller than both of them

gods i didn’t need to see Steven happily showering

they’re talking about how the flowers are probs gonna look beautiful i bet they all died, they’re too positive about this. $5 them flowers are dead.

them flowers are dead,

...now they’re arguing, cause Peri blew up on them. alright. this ain’t good.

aaaaaaaaaaaand Peri crushed the original flower that grew here. both Steven & Amethyst made pained whimpers. ok. this ain’t good.

oh it’s a Gem creature- haven’t seen one of those in a while!

IT ATE PERIDOT HOLY FUCK

SMOKEY QUARTZ IS BACK

ngl i like Smokey’s theme music

btw there’s no dialogue from Smokey, just a quick 2 second thing

Peri doesn’t reform with a star on her

ok, that was kinda cute. and having a technician that also likes gardening is cute too

episode rating: 3.5 dead sunflowers outta 5. it was an okay episode & i did like it. 

SADIE KILLER

heh, i get it. cause lady killer.

oh god, that looks bad

WHY IS THAT MOP SO BIG

instead of reading off a long-ass list to the overly worked employee, just hand Sadie the list so she won’t fuck up?

“and a coffee. hold the coffee.” same tbh

oh. he’s in a band with the Cool Kids. WE GET TO SEE THE COOL KIDS!

“...i hope he [Lars] is safe and all, but working all these shifts by myself has been a huge drag” GIRL, LARS DIED IN SPACE AND IS STILL THERE

Steven stealing all the napkins is something i’d do tbh

man, i love the Cool Kids

is my girl Jenny rockin’ the bass? aaaaaaaaaaay!

Sour Cream, what the HECK IS RAP-A-BILLY?

“Doo-doo. Butt. The government corrupts” Buck is the voice of this generation

welcome to EB Games

they... they admitted to following her home from work....

“doo-doo. i think i broke your bed” Buck wtf

also, i guess them watching all of Sadie’s horror movies gave them inspiration to do that weird donut-brain-eating song. weird.

“we are the working dead, and we lurch for minimum wage” same Sadie

......ok, she’s freaking everyone out. and they look uncomfortable. Sadie, seriously stop. they’re concerned.

...she. put lipstick on her eyes.

see, if she wasn’t freakin’ everyone out with this, i’d say this song is a bop. 

ok they’re fine now & thought it was lit ok cool cool cool. i ain’t a big fan of the lyrics tbh, but i do like the song.

 “aww, doo-doo”

ok so Steven’s askin’ for advice on how to write horror-themed songs from Sadie. how about LARS DIED ON HOMEWORLD

SADIE’S ADVICE IS:

LOSE YOUR LIFE TO A BORING JOB

LOSE THE ONE PERSON YOU WERE CLOSE TO

LOSE YOUR MIND WORKIN A TON OF SHIFTS

GIRL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Steven puttin’ Sadie on blast, good lord he just sang an accidental roast tryin’ to sing shit like she does

HE STOLE ALL THE NAPKINS AGAIN

“you can’t help being cute no more than i can help being cool” Buck, you’re a blessing

“yoooooo, what if this is all a dream?” Buck, wtf?

oh. Sadie’s goin’ with them. okay. 

OH. SHE QUIT HER JOB. UM. OKAY?

episode rating: 3 funky riffs out of 5. Buck Dewey is great.

KEVIN PARTY

I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS EPISODE, BUT IMMA DO IT ANYWAY

DIDN’T EVEN START THE EPISODE AND I STILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

let’s just get this over with...

why’d Steven wait this long to track down Lion?!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, here he is......

gods, i still hate him

stop being gross to kids, leave Steven and Connie alone ya freak

at least he knows they use they/them pronouns. 

how did he find out where Connie is? doesn’t she live far away from Beach City? did he track down these two kids just to “invite” Stevonnie?!

“no one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party” i sure as fuck would

lmao Kevin has an old phone

“your name’s Steven? weird, i thought your name was Clarence” OI, DON’T INSULT CLARENCE LIKE THAT

rude, Steven brought snacks and ya just toss ‘em into the void?

ok. he’s creepily obsessed with Stevonnie cause apparently they make parties and shit like that hella fun. um. stop? being obsessed with kids??

WTF WHY IS LION AT THE PARTY

Connie actually showed up. and had Lion the entire time. that’s. super fucked up. Lion is the ONLY way to get to Lars directly!

and also, there’s TWO KIDS AT A PARTY WITH OLDER PEOPLE?! NO ONE BUT DERRICK QUESTIONS THIS?

Kevin’s gonna try to get them to talk to each other... so they can form Stevonnie... so his party won’t suck...

also, he keeps calling them 7-year-olds........ siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, ok Kevin.

KEVIN YOU IDIOT LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER SO HE CAN SAY SORRY DON’T GIVE HIM YOUR “COOL GUY” BULLSHIT

“i need those old people to whisper my name when they die” tbh goals

“who’s Sabina?” Kevin got all red in the face and almost lost his cool

so Kevin’s gonna try to make Steven look like he’s moved on from Connie or some shit. this won’t end well.

NO, NOT DERRICK’S JACKET

now we get a montage of 2 kids being uncomfortable surrounded by older people at a party they should’t be at, ok.

at least Connie looks cute. and she got a haircut! so cute!

NOT CUTE NOT CUTE NOT CUTE

GOD, I HATE KEVIN

Steven, what are you doing?

STEVEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ok, quick recap cause i didn’t mention this: Kevin thought Steven & Connie were dating, so, Connie only went to the party to see if Steven’s okay and if they could talk. Steven decided to follow Kevin’s advice for some reason, and Connie thinks Steve’s new BFF is Kevin, and Kevin has no concept of what friends are.

so. Connie didn’t text Steven cause she preferred talking face to face about this, and that texting him wasn’t good enough to work out these issues. very fair point. still don’t get why you legit stole Lion from him, but the not texting back thing makes complete sense.

ok, she rode Lion to his house while Steven, Greg & the Gems were away (the episode Gemcation). and that’s when she bumped into Kevin and got the invite. ok. now Kevin is slightly less creepy, but still disgusting nonetheless.

oh, yay! they’re talking it out! and Steven isn’t disregarding Connie’s anger!

yay! they’re friends again!

don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie.

LMAO GET FUCKED, KEVIN, THEY AIN’T FORMIN’ STEVONNIE

episode rating: 1 Lion out of 5. least fave episode, tbh. but hey, we got Connie back!

[lil-loucifer]

ONE OF US MUST CHANGE AND IT AINT GONNA BE ME YOU FOOL. Ps 1-100 on the ask away tumblr asks

Hayden you f u c k

1. What have you eaten today?

A shit ton of pizza

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

The most intimate touch I have ever felt was a hug

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

Black. Boots :P

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Probably my sister??

5. What is your favorite scent?

Freshly baked stuff

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

Winter, because most if not all of my clothes are fucking winter sweaters and coats

And also because I like the cold

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

Nope!!

8. What color are your nails?

Natural?

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

A tiny star near the corner of my right eye, behind the mole so I could just hide it under my hair if I had to

10. What is something you find romantic?

Fucking flowers??? I dunno dude pretty much anything you devote some time and/or effort into doing for someone else in the name of affection?

11. Are you happy?

I dunno tbh

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

For one thing, I did a fucking bomb-ass job on a presentation I had to do in front of a class, even though I couldn’t log into google drive and couldn’t access my fucking notes for the presentation and had to improvise it

13. Dogs or Cats?

Both!!!

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

A tie between a library and museum, but it depends on the museum. 

15. What is your style?

Scruffy as fuck, with some degree of hipster/punk, but mostly just slobbish.

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

Affording material possessions I want to buy

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

“It’s complicated”

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

Emotional dependence???

Also probably mutual trust and care

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

I don’t think I would??

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? 

Certain text conversations and shit my last ex and I had. It didn’t end well between us.

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I stayed home and handed out fuckin candy

22. Have you recently made any big decisions? 

I dunno.

23. Were you ever in a school play?

Nahhh, I’m not a good actor

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

HAVING FRIENDS BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE I HABITUALLY ACT LIKE A HUGE BITCH ALL THE TIME AND AM INTIMIDATED WHENEVER I’M INTRODUCED INTO GROUPS AND YET I’M STILL CLINGY AS SHIT

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

Video games. I dunno man I just like playing games with people

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

A lot of guys are really gross and shit, and also sexist or alpha male-like. I catch myself exhibiting similar behavior sometimes and hate it

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

I’m too immature to understand anything

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

Pretty much reached a lvl 2 friendship with someone after we both let it slip that we were bi within three minutes of each other

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

Sad friends

31. How long was your longest relationship?

One business week

32. Have you ever been in love?

You know? I dunno 

33. Are you currently in love?

I think so?

34. Why did your last relationship end?

We were both in really bad mental places and decided to break up so we wouldn’t hurt each other

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it

I’m not wearing any???

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I don’t remember when, but it was definitely over feeling super alone

37. Name someone pretty.

Deborah Ann Woll??

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

I didn’t do shit last valentine’s day

39. Do you get jealous easily?

Kinda, but I don’t let it fuck up my relationships

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

Maybe?

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

Yeah!!

42. Ever had detention?

Kinda? I don’t remember it well but I think I talked my way out of it

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

I don’t know to be honest, probably the city if I could afford it

44. What do people call you? 

LUCIFER, THE DARK LORD OF THE NINE HELLS

45. What was the last book you read? 

The Ship of the Dead, by Rick Riordan

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? 

Huge, but I don’t look the part. Someone once asked me “Hey, do you watch One Punch Man?” and his other annoying friend hastily whispered “Does he look like he watches One Punch Man?? Don’t annoy him bro” and they never asked again

I was, in fact, fully caught up with the anime at that point

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

All fuckin kinds bruh, mostly punk rock, metal and hip-hop tho

48. How tall are you?

5′10′’ I think??

49. Do you like kids?

Not really

50. Favorite fruits?

Grapes, apple and watermelon

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

I haven’t owned a pair of sweatpants since I was ten

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was still really young, maybe two-ish?? Either my sister or my mother--she was female--put me down on the floor in what would become my sister’s room, long before we moved most of her new furniture in and repainted her walls, next to a belt she would keep for the next ten years and an old comb she still has now. It was mid-day. 

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

Nope!

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind! Photography is fun~

55. Do you have a collection of anything? 

Video games?

56. Do you save money or spend it? 

I suck at saving money ffs

57. What would your dream house be like?

Simple and clean, full of my stuff

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

1: Maliciousness

2: Oppression

3: Bothering my crew

4: Bothering me

5: Losing repeatedly in video games

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

1: Things that make me laugh

2: Writing a story easily

3: Pretty much anything to do with you ngl

4: Friends!!

5: Seeing an asshole get what’s coming

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Y o u r e g o n n a h a t e m e i f I a n s w e r e d h o n e s t l y

61: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Honestly I’d probably tell everyone I’m dying and face it with open arms

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Beat

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

I dunno???

64. Do you like the beach?

I like the aesthetic appeal of the beach?? But I hate water and heat and sand, so... 

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

Never had a chance

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Mayor

67. Do you talk to yourself?

I think out loud sometimes, but otherwise, no

68. Describe your hair.

Floofy

69. What is the meaning of life.

To find one

70. What is your ideal partner like?

You ;)

But for realsies, someone I can trust and feel comfortable around

71. Do you want to get married?

Not really??

72. Do you want to have kids?

NOT REALLY???

73. Like or dislike your family?

Neutral

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

Chunky?

75. Would you consider yourself smart? 

No

76. What would you change about your life? 

My drive do do literally anything

77. Religious or Not?

Kinda?

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

The cop that pulls me over for drunk driving

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

I dunno man depends on how long I’m alone there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

You

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

Either cuddling or legitimately fighting each other over who changes outfits in Animal Crossing

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

They are already here

83. Do you like when people play with your hair? 

Yeah, if I let them.

84. Do you like bubble baths?

I dunno, I haven’t ever had one.

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

Nope!

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

Yeeeaaaah! And I didn’t get sick!

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

Not really

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

As usual, “whhhaat fucking time is it??”

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) 

I’m not really into travelling???

90. How was your day today?

Average

91. Play an instrument? 

I suck at anything musical

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

Boundless, infinite. Terror beneath. 

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Both!!

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? 

I can’t really say. I had a goal in mind, and just planned to improvise until I got there, so...

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

Yes and it is my default demeanor for most of the time

96. When are you vulnerable?

...All the time

97. How much free time do you have?

Too much, honestly

98. Do you like to go hiking? 

Hell no

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

Even?

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? 

The most extreme thing I’ve done is knife fighting, does that count?

[r-o-se]

Not quite 101 comments/recap about Produce 101  s2ep1

1) Starship trainees got in first and picked high seats at first, then settled to the second seat from the ground. Are awkward with cameras lol

2) Fantagio trainee Ong Sungwoo has a rare surname and looks cute. Looks a bit like VIXX Hongbin and has the same wideass mouth. Picked the second seat

3) Haknyeon from Loen’s baby company took the 3rd seat

4) MMO trainees are hilarious

5) Kang Daniel has pink hair and Jisung has funny as hell expressions. Jinwoo is my fuckboy lookin dude

6) Too many kids too little time fml

7) Samuel kiddo enters and all trainees go ’Brave Sounddddddd’, roll video clip of Samuels training, everyone look envious

8) Samuel picked seat nr 59 because thats what Somi picked lol

9) Brand New Music kids are entering, Daehwi looks cute but dumb, they all seem talented as fuck

10) MMO called BNM kids cute lol

11) Hunus A-Tom enters, looks cute as hell and gets called charming by other trainees

12) Hotshot have ppl shook with visuals and look cute as fuck

13) JJCC next, all the idols in a row

14) And noooooooww…. NU’EST. I want to fucking die.

15) MMO kids are dumb and think of things to ask them ranging from an autograph to a kiss lol

16) Some of the kids called Baekho scary lmao my buff tiger sunshine boy

17) Minhyun to rest of NU’EST: ’’We have to stay humble’’ my heart

18) RBW trainees enter, wearing green. Very cheerful

19) Feed the kids they keep talking about food

20) Oh wait they are absolutely starved

21) Jellyfish trainee Heeseok enters, everyone go ’’Ahhh…. Kim Sejeong’’

22) Jelly Heeseok looks just like VIXX N lmao

23) CUBE appears, everyone get excited. The trainees, Guanlin and Seonho are awkward lol

24) Noone can spell Yuehua expect for Jisung who knows Cheng Xiao and WJSN no love for my UNIQ kids

25) Yuehua has everyone shoook with cuteness and visuals, esp Justin lol thta 15yo needs to stay in his lane

26) Compilation shot of the hottest kids this season

27) Aww Daehwi got sad at his visuals dont cry kiddo

28) YG has everyone confused af and then the K+ appears and everyone are like ahhhhhhhhhhhh ok good

29) Average height of 185.3 they appear with smoke around their feet and look finne as hell but tbh what do you expect from a modelling company

30) “I can’t stand next to them“ –Everyone

31) A kid w a big nose anda collar from GON ent, Eunki enters confidently and takes the first seat, everyone claps

32) FNC trainee Hwiseung enters and just says hi to Eunki and takes the 1st seat from him lol

33) One of the individual trainees, Insoo, wants to take 1st seat from Hwiseung

              HS: Whats your part?

              IS: I rap

              HS: Ahhh I’m a vocal

              IS: Oh, well-

              Kang Daniel from 3 rows below: Wrestle, like a man!

34) Settle for arm wrestling, Insoo gets rekt

35) Moonbok enters, everyone go nuts

36) He takes the 1st seat by some 3 syllable game

37) BoA comes in, everyone go WOOOOOOOO

38) Ngl I’m already sick of Moonbok this is like Sohye all over they film him for no real reason and then he’s gonna get all the screentime=all the votes and push over the other trainees

39) Kahi my mother is still there love u sm

40) YUEHUA BABIES VOLUNTEERED TO GO FIRST

41) Danced to GOT7 Just Right, was cute as hell and Zhu Zheng did a perfect flip but got graded 3C and 2D, everyone went like WHAT THE FUCK since they thought they’d get at least a B if not an A

42) Second screened performance, dude is doing pushups in the warmup room

42) Dude is over 30, got his shirt off and started grinding. RIPPED. Got an F

43) The judges are sooooo harsh this season wtfff

44) Three individuaal trainees did EXO-CBX and SLAYED and their lead singer Jaehwan sings like GOLD but he got a B and other two got a C because this season sucks ass

45) Sang Adele, Daniel reciognized it from first 4 guitar chords MY DUDE

46) Trainers: We should give him an A, hes really good

      BoA: Idk how about his dance tho *puts on the most difficult song she knows*

47) Judges: We really enjoyed your performance!

      Judges: C and D

48) KAHI CALLED THEM OUT FOR TOO HIGH STANDARDS

49) And now Samuel rekt everyone lol I think everyone already know whats gonna happen here he got an A

50) Baekho said Samuel was really cute kid while under pledis aw

51) BoA keeps singing and Yuehua Hyungseob came out to dance the girl Pick Me lol

52) Stop filming fucking Moonbok

53) Cube kids are awkward but precious. Sadly not too skilled though. Got a D and an F

54) Pledis entered, Kahi:“I feel bitter about this“ me too me too

55) If BoA is gonna bitch about them being a long time group she can fuck right off

56) Kahi talks about their background, she’s tearing up and so wants JR

57) Roll a compilation of NU’EST being sad and talking about how Pledis neglected them and how they cant make any more albums and might disband. I feel sad and humiliated idk how theyd feel

58) They managed to get Baekho to cry and that dude is a ball of sunshine i stg

59) “I wanna be like I.O.I and Seventeen“ just fucking stab me

60) Ok yes please can u replay Baekho’s mistake 4 more times I didn’t quite catch it

61) Minhyun got a C and the rest got D’s

62) Compilation of already debuted contestants

63) MY DUDE FANTAGIO ONG SUNGWOO

64) Everyone are like wow ur name its rare and hes like yeah

65) Hes reallllly pretty though damn and can dance like hell. Got an A

66) Whys he even a hip hop president

67) Mnet’s prince sounds just like Mnet’s daughter

68) Idek how to comment this whole Moonbok thing lol

69) Hes doing BTS Boy in luv and everyone are sooo excited for some x reason lol

70) BoA is strugglin thinking of intros

71) I think that’s it theyre doing the boy pick me song

72) Ngl kinda dissapointed they reelased it so early and didnt even let us get to know the boys before they picked the center and revealed everything

73) Ahhhh the Youngjae/Jungkook lovechild that dropped out got an A rank rip

74) The song isn’t as catchy as the girl versioon but its more pleasing to my ears tbh and the choreo is really good

75)MY DUDE JR WAS THERE

76) I heard all BNM trainees got an A rank tbh they deserve it those dudes are talented af

77) JUSTIN

78) They got fuckin fireworks and whatnot holy shit the F rank kids gotta look out not to get shot to death

79) Does the tie style mean something even

80) Daehwi got a special platform

81) Aaaaaaaand now they arer showing Daehwi’s intro clip lmao why

82) And another BNM trainee, Yeongmin? Youngmin?

83) Lmao he compares his looks tho those of an alpaca

84) AAaaaaaaaaaang another BNM, this time its… Ujin? Oojin? Somethingn like that man i have 0 idea

85) Oh his intro got cut off

86) The rankings….. started from 88… does that mean that 13 trainees have quit bc of health already??

87) Ah nvm they showed  101-89 the last and three have left