#next negative thing will be my my last straw

[lawofillusion]

Life fucking sucks rn

[embers-burning-bright]

two casually transphobic experiences irl back to back i literally cannot stand this fucking country anymore

[flashyzz]

T.W— Angst.

Knitted Shut...

"Gosh, stop fucking overreacting, it's just some overtime work." Satoru said to you, irritated and overworked. Fine, you gave up, he won, just like he does every single time you argue. You felt hurt and pained to know that your boyfriend barely has any time for you, no, for your relationship.

You slouched tired and frustrated from the fight you had with your dickhead boyfriend before you finally left to change. "Ugh, whatever, I don't even give a shit now." He said, visibly irked by your presence in the room. I mean— why would you even bother trying to convince him to not go overtime this time but he just won't listen.

And then here comes some girls who would be out there saying— "Gosh it's just overtime!" or "You're so obsessed!". No, they didn't know Satoru's relationship with you and they never will. You were going to the point of insanity by now, it was always overtime or night out with friends or family meetings! What about you? Did he even think about you during his entire life!? You were finished, this was too much negativity in your mind, all you can do now is just lay down and forget.

As you lay down on your bed overthinking about possibly everything in your love life, Satoru comes in. "Hey, doll~" he said in a 'loving' manner. "What do you want, Satoru." You replied to him, this time confused but still angry at him. "Y'know m'so so sorry about everything princess~." "I promise, I will never do it again~". Wow, apparently he's apologizing now? What a jerk he was. "Satoru, we talked about this, and before you mention it, No." You answered him sternly causing him to be angered. "What!?"

Satoru began to shout at you, his pent up frustration had erupted out of his mouth and the next thing you know he slapped you. "Satoru!" You exclaimed, the imprint of his hand on your soft cheeks burned painfully. "I'm sorry love! I didn't mean it!" "Forgive me just this once!" He tried to explain himself but you had already decided, and your decision made him mad.

"That was the FUCKING last straw Gojo!" You thought he wouldn't even have the guts to slap you like that because he loved you, but this just proved your thoughts wrong. His mind was racing with thoughts, what should he do? You weren't accepting any of his apologies and it was already clear that you were about to explode. "Fine." Satoru said.

FINE? That was all he wanted to say!? "FINE MY ASS SATORU!" "I WAS STUPID TO LOVE A SELFISH FUCKING MAN LIKE YOU!" You gasped covering your mouth. What the fuck did you just say..? Gosh, why were you so dumb? What is he gonna say now.?

BOOMBAYAH!!!! :3 YESS IM LAZY!!!

IDGAF

[weirdsht]

Disillusioned 16 . Heterogeneity

a/n: 80 pages, 20k+ words and these mfers still haven't realised their feelings... even I'm getting frustrated lol

double update this week as my sorry for being late huhu

tags: war, injuries, blood, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, atp just name every negative feeling there is, reader is rosalyn's walking headache, feelings in progress

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read pinned)

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Battles pile up and they win every single one. It should make _____ proud. Should make them happy. They should be celebrating and not feeling insecure.

If others are asked, they’ll say how great of a support _____ has been. Not only did they heal and support the core players of the war, but they were also in charge of differentiating the enemies. Especially during Operation Ghost.

In a way, they were like a vice commander but were more focused on locating and knowing the enemy.

However, _____ did not see it that way. Could not appreciate the efforts they had been pouring in during this war.

They are towing a line towards a dangerous mindset and they could see nothing wrong with it.

It doesn’t help that _____ grew up repressing and hiding their emotions.

Because now that they really want to, no one could tell just how hurt the healer is. Not when Cale is too busy running around everywhere and Rosalyn is not with them. _____ made sure that no one could tell just how injured they were. Just how many layers of bandages they have wrapped around their body from absorbing too many wounds.How some of those wounds have reopened so many times because they kept pushing themself. 

How deep inside they were a mess. 

Not just physically, but also mentally. They tried really hard but there’s still turmoil left from the news of their family being human traffickers. Guilt still eats away their conscience every waking day. 

Frustrations about their ability are still growing bigger and bigger.

_____ hid all of that.

If ever asked why they would argue that it was needed. This time is a time of war. Cale can’t even eat properly, so what gave them the luxury to expatiate on these useless feelings and injuries?

In addition to that, aside from the wounds that reopened here and there, they were feeling fine. The healer had taken this chance to slowly experiment reverse healing. It’s hard, in fact, 99% of the time it’s the reason why their wounds reopen. Harming people is more difficult than healing them.

It’s hard but not impossible.

But it’s still not enough to make _____ feel better. They must get stronger. Must control it better. They have to help everyone fight off the enemy.

But then…

Pop!

Like a bubble, that pressure _____ had been piling on themself burst.

It’s a very natural thing to happen. _____ is only human after all, humans are bound to explode when there’s too much pressure tightly sealed.

For _____ that pressure burst in the form of acting rashly.

No one knew what their last straw was as there were so many variables that could have added to it.

It could have been because of how the church of the Sun God spewed nonsense in front of Mary.

Could have been when Raon and Cale heard them ponder whether they could transfer dead mana to themself using their ability. (This made Cale stick the healer closer to him and Choi Han.)

Maybe it was because of those priests who acted all high and mighty but couldn’t do anything in the end.

Perhaps it was how the empire’s forces had been strutting around, acting all good when in fact they were dirty bastards.

No one can accurately pinpoint which one it is. All they knew was that _____’s bubble suddenly burst and the unfortunate victim was the dragon half-blood.

_____ who was doing their best to support and heal Choi Han while physically supporting Cale saw Raon's light attacking the Dragon half-blood. While it looked powerful, the healer knew it would not be enough, they knew that the Dragon half-blood would be able to escape.

That’s why _____ thought that if that bastard was going to escape, might as well double his suffering.

"I thought that hooded person was just your baggage but what is this..."

If Cale didn't pay attention to that half-blood's comment about the Dragon blood, he certainly paid attention to that last comment. How could he not when the half-blood suddenly had a wound near his heart that was neither from Choi Han nor Raon?

No one had stabbed him or anything. The wound literally just manifested out of nowhere. Cale has no idea where it could have come from. 

Wait, manifest out of nowhere? That's almost like…

At that moment Cale noticed that _____ was not supporting his body anymore. Before he could turn around to check on them, he heard Raon's panicked voice ringing in his head.

“B-blood..! Human, kind _____ is bleeding!”

When Cale turned around he saw nothing at first. This was because _____ made sure to not get blood on their clothes, well at least the outer layer that everyone could see. However, Cale soon saw the blood on the black bone wyvern as well as the bloody dagger on their hand.

"Just what-"

"It's fine Commander, I'm fine. Please reassure the people first, I can manage. But it would have been better if I managed to snag some of that half-dragon’s vitality…”

There’s no way anyone would believe the healer was fine. Not with the copious amount of blood dripping down on the wyvern’s bones.

“Raon please hide my dagger in your dimensional pocket for a while. I don't want anyone to see it."

_____'s voice was extremely weak as they spoke. Cale who became even more frustrated after hearing this seriously thought about ditching everyone on the ground then and there.

"You- haaaa. Choi Han make sure to support _____ when we get down."

While Choi Han was supporting _____, he made sure to pour the highest-grade potions on the healer. It might not be able to heal all their wounds as their condition is too severe, but it will help stabilize them for the time being.

Soon, Choi Han saw an opportunity to bandage _____'s wounds while Cale was talking to Cage. He would've asked for the knight healer and the mage but he knows _____ is only comfortable with their family and the Henituse servants assessing their body. 

Till this point, he didn't know the full extent of their wounds yet. He just thought the injuries they had were from healing.

However, Choi Han did not recall anyone having a stab wound so close to the heart.

At least not anyone from their forces.

"_____ just what-"

"So you see, I discovered this really funny thing I can do. I'll tell you later."

The healer weakly chuckled as if they found the situation funny. Choi Han could now understand Cale's frustration. _____'s bandages and inner layer of clothes are soaked with blood. The black robe they were currently wearing was also starting to get soaked. 

"Choi Han-nim get bandaged up already, I'm fine. I didn't work hard to heal you out there just for you to not get full treatment. I would finish the job but as you can see…"

Choi Han held back a sigh. Instead, he looked at _____ with a gaze that seemed to be asking if they were fine. The now bandaged-up healer just shooed him with their hands. The swordmaster was still reluctant to leave them alone, luckily Mary arrived. 

"Mary please look after _____ for a while."

Mary agreed and only then was Choi Han able to walk away with peace of mind.

At first _____ thought that they would not get proper treatment until they went back to the Super Rock Villa. That was why they opted to sleep on the couch in Cale's room. Luckily, Eruhaben arrived along with Pendrick. Before Cale could even get a word out about _____'s condition the Ancient Dragon was already asking the Healer Elf to heal them.

The heavily injured _____ slept through all of that.

Evening had passed and the sun was out the next time they woke up. The healer didn’t know what to expect when they woke up, but it certainly wasn’t a barrage of embarrassment.

First thing they noticed was how they had been moved from the couch to Cale’s bed. Second thing was how there’s a communication device open on the bedside table.

“Glad to see my dongsaeng is awake. There’s a lot of things we must catch up on, yes?”

_____ didn’t know whether to be embarrassed that they kept Rosalyn waiting, or be scared at the way she’s smiling…

“If you’re looking for everyone they all have several agendas to attend to. Some of them are healing soldiers while some are talking to officials.”

The previously embarrassed _____ composed themself and properly sat up on the bed.

“...I’m sorry.”

Both of them already know what the apology is for.

“I know what I did was rash. I had acted recklessly and illogical and it may have hindered some of our plans.”

The mage on the other side of the communication orb only sighed.

“Haaa, that’s not the problem. My main issue is how you got injured. Everyone cares for you and is upset about how you don’t seem to hold yourself in the same regard. We’re worried about you.”

Rosalyn could feel the headache coming when she saw the confused expression on _____’s face.

“But unnie[1], doesn’t Cale do the same thing? Like him, I’m also fine. I heal faster than average and it’s not like these wounds will leave scars.”

Forget a headache, this is a migraine.

“Dongsaeng, you do know how we feel whenever Cale coughs blood or faints right?”

“Huh? Yeah, everyone gets worried and becomes scary… oh…”

Oh indeed

“Exactly, we worry about Cale. We worry about you too. I heard Eruhaben had been sighing the whole night. That's why you better tell this unnie of yours why you did such a thing.”

“Well…”

_____ trailed off as they drank a glass of water that had been conveniently left for them.

“I don’t know honestly… But these past few days I felt as though I wasn’t doing enough. Cale is on the front lines of the war and I’m at the back and can barely do anything. It was frustrating to see the Empire try to play us around like that. Then I also feel irritated that Cale can’t even eat properly because everyone is putting pressure on him. Mary-nim being targeted by the church when she’s risking her life to help defend the kingdom is also not helping. I also think Cale's bleeding during the Henituse battle also riled me up… Unnie I’m not sure what’s happening to me… I think my emotions are getting the best of me.”

Rosalyn can see a growing pattern here…

“Did you know that you seem to mention the young master-nim every other sentence?”

As the big sister, it’s Rosalyn’s job to guide her sweet, but unaware dongsaeng.

“Huh did I? Hans told me once that we seem to be close. That must be why.”

“Is that so? Tell this unnie more about how you feel, that might help us figure out what’s happening to you.”

Rosalyn’s scary smile is gone and has been replaced with the warm smile _____ is used to.

“There were a few times when there was something warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest. It also feels odd when I’m not with Cale. Uhm like when you guys went to the Paerun Kingdom. I feel frustrated and sad whenever Cale doesn’t take care of himself but I think that’s normal… Unnie, honestly I’ve never felt this way. Is this how it feels to have friends? You know I’ve never had one before you guys.”

Laughter echoed throughout the room at the question. Rosalyn couldn’t help herself but started to feel bad when she saw the confusion on the healer’s face.

“_____, do you feel the same way towards us?”

That made _____ think for a few seconds.

“Well I also worry and love everyone else in our group but I guess not to the extent I feel towards Cale? I also don’t get that warm and fuzzy feeling from anyone else. Oh no unnie, is this how playing favourites start? I don’t want to play favourites.”

“Ahahaha! No, no don’t worry, you aren’t playing favourites. But I can’t say that what you feel for the young master is friendship.”

The confused _____ became even more confused.

“Not friendship? What could it be then?”

“That, my dongsaeng, is something you must answer yourself. But I’ll give you a clue since you’re smart. You and young master Cale read books together right?”

_____ started reminiscing all the novels they’ve read with Cale.

“We read different genres. There’s action, mystery, comedy, fantasy, drama, romance…”

Oh

Oh

_____ isn’t sure if they like where this is going.

“I knew my dongsaeng was smart!”

The mage clasped her hands to show how proud she was. Not that the healer can appreciate it since they’re currently in turmoil.

_____ started thinking about the narratives they have read in romance books. Started comparing them to how they felt about Cale.

And holy shit it fits.

It fits like a goddamn missing puzzle.

The healer doesn’t know what to do with this information.

“_____, my dongsaeng _____. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way. You’re in that perfect age where you should experience romance in your life.”

Rosalyn comforted the currently distraught _____.

“What you do with your feelings is up to you. You can act on it, you can let it pass, you can try to get over it. It’s up to you. Whatever you do, I'll support you.”

“Unnie… Thank you… Not only for this but for everything else as well.”

“Anything for my dongsaeng.”

Rosalyn smiled one last time and with that, their conversation ended.

_____ got up from the bed as soon as the communication device turned off. They then started freshening up themself by doing their usual morning routine.

A few minutes later, _____ is ready to go help Pendrick heal the soldiers. They’re even wearing their usual priest robe because they know that Cale must want to scam- uhm “spread” the word of the Sun God Church.

However not even 10 steps outside the room, Cale is there with Choi Han and Eruhaben forcing the still-injured healer back inside the bedroom.

[1] chose unnie because it sounds cuter in my opinion lol. again why can't there be a gender-neutral honorific

[swifty-fox]

MOTA Hockey AU, so tell me about Buck and Bucky's first kiss! Or when they realize they're gonna date :D

OOO okay well this may be subject to change once i start writing (I dont control the characters they control me)

but I think that Bucky kinda makes a real ass of himself at first (SHOCKING)

As i've said, Gale kinda corners Bucky for a quick n dirty long before they're even friends and once they're in the same team Bucky is relentless in his teasing of Buck about it (in situations where he doesnt risk outing him) he's also REAL interested in that happening again please and thank you. Big Buck is pretty much like 'fuck off and fuck you (not sexy' for much of it.

Because it's a new team they do a lottery system for rooming together when traveling in hotels and Buck and Bucky by some weird twist of fate (author loving cliches) they draw straws to room together at least for the first season. This creates a lot of negative tension just due to their different game-day rituals as i went into but also because Bucky continues to hit on gale and try to tempt him into bed. It kinda has the opposite effect and kinda scares the fuck out of Buck and it kinda all comes to a head where a bit too drunk Bucky's trying all his moves in the book and he's kinda got Buck semi cornered in the room and while he isn't doing anything past the line of consent he DOES finally fucking realize "oh this isnt Gale playing a game or playing hard to get I am genuinely making him uncomfortable"

Cue him feeling awful. Cue him going to Curt to be like 'uh i really fucked up bad'

Cue curt threatening to knock Bucky's fake teeth in if he doesn't apologize and leave that boy alone because what the fuck Bucky.

and Bucky's a good guy he is and he genuinely feels so bad and slimy because he's like a dog with a bone and he let it go to far so next time he and Gale are in the hotel room he apologizes with his whole chest and promises he's done. "No more hitting on you. We're teammates and that's it. On my Ma's grave."

And Bucky keeps his word! He stops with the flirtation (past general hockey flirting you see between teammates) he stops propositioning him. He stops turning his music up louder during pre-game prep every time he sees Gale twitch with annoyance. And I think when he gives Gale that space he does the best thing he could have done and gives Gale the opportunity to actually know John. To work with him and bond with him and they start creating a really beautiful friendship out of it.

I think fast forward to their second year playing together. It's not a playoff game, the're well off from that but it has been an unusually rough game. Curt was ejected for a dirty hit and then mouthing off to the ref, Croz got pulled from second line to fill in Curts spot and he's honestly doing better than people expected but he doesnt play with Rosie and Buck usually and it's showing.

Buck lost a tooth after a nasty high-stick and his jaw is going to be BRUISED tomorrow. Both their first line D-men are down with injury so it's the rookies. They're fighting for their LIVES and man they somehow manage to eek out that win and it's just exhilerating. Buck and Bucky are in the middle of the celly pile and their masks are pressed together and they're just grinning and staring into eachothers eyes.

Later they're the last two in the locker room and Gale grabs John and pushes him against the wall in the deepest most passionate kiss that John literally almost goes weak at the knees. He's never been kissed like that before in his life.

I don't think after that they have like a "we are boyfriends" conversation. But they do end up together. They're rooming together at that point full time and slowly but surely Gale just starts spending every night in John's bed

[brother-one]

[Twitter repost]

Just because something was the last straw for me today...

On Kainé's intersexuality:

A (long) post, from an intersex person to you 💛💜💛

First of all! Why am I making this post?

I hope it doesn't seem out of nowhere, but let's start bit by bit.

I am making it not because I'm mad at anyone, but because I genuinely want you all to learn about who Kaine as a person, how she can be interpreted, and most details that can be taken and associated to her intersexuality, from an intersex perspective. There's A LOT of things I want to address in this thread, not necessarily all of them negative, but I do think the NieR fandom as a whole needs to get educated on intersexuality.

I can't speak over every single intersex person, but I can give my insight on this.

Now, the first thing I want to address:

1- Kainé, intersexuality AND transness.

Why is this first? Well, because there's a really big issue hiding in plain sight here: Intersexism, and therefore intersex erasure.

First on this, a detail that a lot of you know about, and yet it's not even close to EVERYONE knowing it: The use of the word "hermaphrodite" for an intersex person. Even if it's widely accepted by people as a whole, it is a slur against intersex people and even if some DO reclaim it, its casual use is not correct whenever you employ it to refer to an intersex individual, be it fictional or not. Not only is it considered insensitive, but it's also heavily inaccurate whenever used to describe an intersex individual, even if it may be in fact accurate for, in this case, Kainé.

It is a word a lot of us are uncomfortable with, and seeing a character who is one of the very rare cases of representation being associated with it doesn't really make it better. Especially since being intersex isn't just about the genital differences, but hormonal differences and such. Anything that doesn't conform to the SEX binary is considered intersex, usually also known as hyperandrogenism. I've seen people frequently agreeing that even PCOS can be considered an intersex condition, so there's also that.

Next, is the reduction of Kainé to either a transgender woman, or a transfem individual.

While these headcanons are completely okay and I personally have never minded them, there is an issue hiding here too.

It seems that people either don't care enough about intersex issues to do proper research, or they're blissfully ignorant about general facts on intersexuality.

Some of these facts are:

- Intersexuality isn't a "third sex" or an in between.

- Intersexuality does not NECESSARILY have to do anything with one's gender identity.

- It is completely, and I repeat, COMPLETELY okay to just call someone "intersex".

- Not every intersex person is transgender. Cisgender intersex people exist.

- Even if trans people and intersex people may relate to the other in certain aspects, they're nowhere close to being the same, or to share the exact same experiences.

- Every intersex person experiences gender and life differently.

- There are many, and I say, MANY different intersex conditions.

- Intersexuality is way more frequent than you may think.

And many other facts, really, but they would pretty much need another entire, separate thread to be listed.

Now, where's the issue I want to approach here?

Explained simply to non-intersex people:

Turning a headcanon like trans Kainé into something so widespread not only gives a totally different idea of what her character is from the start, but also gives a place for intersexism to rise. It is a way to force us intersex people into conforming within a system, a binary that EXCLUDES US and always has from the start. Because yes, the current ideas of identity are wrongly still binary.

I thought Kainé was trans from the start. I thought it was extremely cool to have such representation, being also a fellow trans person myself. Then I discovered she's intersex.

Then, everything felt unfair.

To have such an idea of something, then discovering the reality is very different to that idea didn’t feel right. Not because transness is bad because, again, I am trans myself, but because that just feels like everyone is forcing her into transness, when it doesn't have to be like that.

Intersexuality and transness can coexist without problem, the problem only manifests itself when you do not give those two the opportunity to even try and coexist. It is already hard by itself to embrace your body as an intersex person, and personally topping that with transness only makes it more of a struggle. And yet, in the end, everyone's experiences, feelings and identity will always be different to one another. Intersex people can decide to stay as the gender they were assigned (keyword here being assigned) at birth, they can decide to transition (or maybe they could've transitioned way before discovering the fact they're intersex), and they can also decide to just be intergender.

Our experiences and relationship with our body, and the way we perceive ourselves may be similar to the one of, say, a perisex transgender individual, but there will always be a gap between both.

To finish up with the first point, the general objective with this:

I want you all to understand that, while trans people need representation, it's not okay to erase intersexuality or to try and make us fit into your concept of identity. Intersex people are already stigmatized enough, and the last thing we need is erasure. Our voices as a whole are already heavily ignored, so the least we can ask from you is to not erase us. You can keep your headcanons (I encourage so!), but PLEASE don't forget about Kainé's intersexuality. Intersex representation is extremely important and needed, even if the character’s intersexuality may not be handled in the best way sometimes.

In summary:

That is pretty much it for the first point. Now, on to the second:

2- Kainé and body dysphoria.

Here comes a very important part, too.

Some parts of her character and dialogue can be interpreted as dysphoria, and also as a way of showing rejection towards another aspect of her body, since it’s possessed by a shade.

A very important dialogue in the first fight against Hook that I originally interpreted as body dysphoria is:

“She gave me the strength to deal with this goddamn mutant body! Do you know how long I’ve been like this? How much I loathe myself?”

This dialogue has been in my mind ever since I first played. And I still strongly believe it can be interpreted as dysphoria, I just acquired a different perspective on it after finishing NIER and doing a dive into what she is, as a character. While I don’t believe I have the deepest understanding of her, I think I have the main aspects of her character clear.

No one in the world could understand her.

Yet another thing on her I believe is important, is this:

“A heart and body in constant conflict.

Now, and even if she may or may not have dysphoria, here’s something that I think should be spoken of way more often - the fact that dysphoria doesn’t make you transgender. Even if it may be considered necessary in order to get certain medical treatments in the case of trans people, having dysphoria doesn’t make you trans, and not having dysphoria doesn’t make you not trans, either.

And loneliness was eating her alive.”

Because while it may not be part of, say, a main storyline game, if we talk about NieR (it comes from SINoALICE!), it does give us a really interesting sight into her. Even if it may probably refer to her struggle as being possessed, it sounds very familiar to the experience I know as dysphoria.

Kainé’s hatred for her body exists in a way where many reasons for it overlap. I think it could be narrowed down and represented like this:

I think it’s very important to note that Kainé, as a gestalt, wasn’t intersex. Somewhere in the process there was an error that made Kainé, as a replicant, intersex. Which doesn’t sound very good, if you think about it, but it gives you room to think about Kainé a bit differently.

Which takes us to my third (and probably last) point:

3- Kainé and identity.

Carrying on from a detail in the last point, we can see a clear, yet maybe not intentional mistake in her writing. The error of her becoming intersex.

While it can be read as intersexism, it is also rather understandable - mistakes and errors happen, especially if we talk about literally separating soul from body, and considering the fact that there were more defects in the transformation process too. Another very important fact that comes into picture is the different ‘generations’ of replicants, and the way that there have been multiple Kainés over time. So probably, since the system was already long-running by that point, that could be the reason for it.

Still, if we’re taking it the intersexism way - we have to understand that it is not and it will NEVER be caused by some kind of “error” or mistake, even if people have chosen to see it that way for a long time now. It is not an inconvenience nor is it something not meant to happen. It IS meant to happen, and there is much evidence that sex is variant - could go from slight differences, to more “noticeable” ones. Not just in humans, but in animals too.

People want to change something that just happens, that always has. In here, I beg you to take into account the fact that intersex CHILDREN are forced to go through surgeries to make them fit into the sex binary. Children are bullied, hated and seen as freaks just because they were born different. 

Sounds terrible, yes ? Well, thanks to this, many intersex people often feel more comfortable identifying as their own gender - intergender. Others stay cis, and others feel more identified with the term transgender.

Kainé is a hard to figure out case, since she had been and identified as a woman from the start, as much as she had been dehumanized or degraded by others. Because they didn’t even call her a man, for they didn’t think she was deserving of that. She wasn’t deserving of a gender - she was a freak, and that was all of it. Though it is a struggle that a lot of trans people go through too, for intersex people it often comes from society as a whole.

The rejection intersex people go through is there from birth, and the eagerness from others (who don’t even have the right) to change it is too. And as much as it follows us through life, as similar as it may be to trans struggles, it is not and it will never be the same.

For that, trans and intersex people have to stand together, but sometimes that feels like too much to ask of the community.

Because intersex people, much like ace or aro people, are often ignored in queer spaces (or not considered at all, for that matter). It is harsh.

But then there are the intersex trans people, who use both terms. The cis intersex people, the intergender people, the intersex people who chose not to bother with gender…

So that is, too, one reason why lots of intersex individuals choose to not call themselves trans, as much as they may identify with the term. Or the complete opposite, choosing to present themselves as transgender, as to not have to bear with the load that is being intersex sometimes.

After some time of knowing her, I think canon Kainé fits into the cis intersex category by a lot - considering she has always identified and KNOWN she is a woman. But of course, that is canon.

You are free not to, I can’t stop you. But I think that, if you’re perisex and trans, it shows the way you are with the people who have stood with you since always. To not recognize our existence is to not recognize a part of what brought all of us trans people to where we are.

My headcanon? Trans, intersex woman. Not hard or complicated, is it ?

And that is the way it should be, if you want to listen to intersex people. To listen to our voices.

So, please, if you care about us - don’t take away from intersex people what we have struggled so much to even get.

To close this thread, I just have to say: Thank you for reading, I hope you could at least learn something or get a bit of perspective on to what being an intersex person is like, and a bit of interpretation about Kainé from one.

If you want to go ahead and follow what I’ve said on it, you have a forever thanks from me. Happy pride month guys <3

[risingoflights]

Feelings on the new EC Sephiroth? Love his baby face but torn on the uh. Happenings

oh no why would you ask me this!

i actually don't how much to say. i've had to inhale so much copium over the years to stay positive in fandom, because it's important to me, to be positive. as the guy whose catch-phrase has always been 'but on the bright side...' when yet another vii compilation dropped to take us yet another step further from what the og used to be... this... this might be my last straw.

i love his baby face, yes. i love his clothing and his sword with the materia slots. i love the visuals. i've loved every new visual for vii outside of og and probably will continue to do so, if not out of sheer force of will!

but i... hate that this now exists. and i could tell you about ten different reasons why, but it wouldn't be summarised as well as the trailer's own tagline - 'we still don't know sephiroth'. like. i just imagine a bunch of SE people sitting around a table brainstorming how to cash in on vii next, and someone chirps 'we still don't know sephiroth!' you get what i'm saying?

i have found things to love about everything i've hated about the compilations. i've made my peace with dirge of cerberus and the stupider parts of crisis core. i genuinely love remake! i do! and i was curious to see what they'd do with ever crisis if only because it might've incorporated before crisis, which i also love maybe only because we've been exposed to so very little of it.

and i couldn't tell you why exactly little seph in that beautiful trailer made me... despair, only that it did. and my greatest fear now would be that one day the folks that dreamed up that tagline would sit around again and go 'hey, we still don't know the jenova project!' that would probably end me.

listen, i haven't said anything so far because honestly, i hate being negative. and probably given enough time i can and will find a positive spin on this to concentrate on.

but right now i'm just not into it. i hope the people who are excited about it have a great time with it, but uh. i'm gonna sit out on this one for now.

(and like - getting this in before it happens, but if strangers start reblogging this or messaging me hoping to start an argument or discussion about this i will delete this post or block if need be. i don't want anybody else's opinion on this particular matter, thanks for understanding)

[tumblhurgoyf]

Feeling super negative for a multitude of reasons, some not Magic related at all, but the recent talk on Blogatog about “microset” products just feels so out of touch. I don’t want to bring that negativity on one of Mark’s posts as I’m not sure I could be polite about it and I’ve mostly just dismissed the product as not for me already anyway. But I do want to vent.

First it’s like $1 a card for random cards? That’s nuts. Boosters are already overpriced with all the commons included. They worked some really good PR speak by explaining away cutting the commons to give you more rares and uncommons, but the reality is you’re just paying more for less. It’s not like those rare slots are actually going to ever reach an EV that makes it a good gamble.

Second let’s talk about product fatigue. Like not only is this an additional release (or four) a year, but you’re doing normal and collector’s boosters for this as well? Holy fuck.

The fact that Mark’s openly work shopping what variation of this product players might actually shell out money for tells me it’s not received well. I haven’t seen a positive video about it at all.

It’s a shame though that they can’t give their golden goose a bit of breathing room though. I shared that post the other day about... let me find it for the term... trust thermocline. The basic idea is that people who like your product will stick with you through some missteps and bad ideas. And you won’t even notice how bad all of them are because sales keep increasing and people keep paying higher prices and buying new stuff and all that.

But at some point you hit that trust thermocline. Something pushes a lot of people over the edge. You walk it back but it’s too late. Because the thing is that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. They didn’t leave because of one bad story, or because $5 a pack was too much but $4.50 wasn’t, or because two dozen products a year was ok but thirty went to far.

They left because of all of it. The last thing is just what made them finally say “enough.” And once they say enough and leave, you don’t get them back. It’s hard to see because things keep chugging along and all your numbers and metrics look fine. But I feel like Wizards has to be approaching this. I wonder about why they stopped including space at the end of surveys for additional comments. Too much negativity they don’t want to put any effort into handling?

On a different front, I’m also not enjoying the lore changes they’ve dropped with this same product. I am willing to admit that I’m somehow still too close to the story to really take a step back and appreciate this; that could change with time. But my reaction right now is that desparking a lot of planeswalkers while opening rifts so anyone and anything can now travel the multiverse is just stupid. You’ve just eviscerated the story conceit that made planeswalkers special.

idk, I wasn’t thrilled with how they handled the team up cards anyway, and to me this feels like the next step of that. We got to see unlikely allies on cards, now what if we got stories where Thalia was on Ravnica fighting the Obzedat? It feels (I keep intentionally using the word feels to describe this--it’s my emotional reaction detached from the idea that they’re going to be able to tell cool stories they couldn’t otherwise tell), anyway, it feels like they just tossed out a core story concept and don’t even realize it.

Like as much shit they get for the world of hats approach, I think that really works for what they do and is part of what I enjoy. I’m honestly in part concerned that the recent big events that effect the entire multiverse and set up this situation where planes can blend a lot more freely could impact the distinct feel of different worlds. And while I’m sure that’s something that’s on creative’s radar, they’ve also burned enough trust in recent years that I’m doubtful they will handle it well.

Though at the same time this feels kind of par for the course. There have been so many let downs in Magic story over the years that the amazing part is that I’m still invested at all. But the story’s a slave to corporate needs and is undoubtedly more story-by-committee than ever. A left-right punch to KO any creative work for sure.

But I shouldn’t be surprised. They are not and have never really tried to say they’re anything else. They make blockbuster sets and want blockbuster stories to go along with it. Anyone who wants a fantasy card game with DC/Marvel story sensibilities to produce artistic short fiction is a damned fool.

Anyway this is just me venting. Could all be wrong. Time will tell. If you want to vent here feel free.

[bigbumder96]

my review on the original heartbreak high + the characters after watching like 2 nd a half seasons😈😈😈

spoilers below‼

the original is so much different to the reboot?😭 tbh the first season was very different to the rest of the show aswell as the reboot, but the only similarities i feel like they both have is that its took place in the same school and some (2💀) of the characters are in the reboot some way or another

overall, i do like the show. more than the reboot??? maybe, maybe not, idk😰😰😰 but its very well written in the sense that all the characters are insufferable, but you still feel pity for them and have a soft spot for them until next thing you know, theyre number 1 on your favourite list for the next 3 episodes until they do something crazy and slide all the way down to the bottom🙁

the storylines are actually really interesting, although i just know the writers are starting to run out of ideas. like theyre averaging around 40 episodes fkr 7 seasons there is NO way its gna be interesting all the way through💀 although i could be surprised, i was only bored in the first episode or two, because it has a bit of a slow beginning. infact i started this tv show ages ago but i never got past episode 1 until now😭

one problem i do have is the normalised large age gaps😨 like a 30 year old will date a 17 year old and nobody bats an eye... a bit scary tbh😞😞😞 they do still have storylines about how bad large age gaps are and how they're creepy but yk... hypocrisy is a real disease. im not too surprised though, as the tv show is based off a movie, called the heartbreak kid, about a romance between a teacher and her student. not so funfact: the teacher was called christina and the student was called nick. they were both played by the same actors as nick poulos and ms milano in the tv show. ☹

my opinion on the characters:

THANKFULLY they decided to keep this relationship out of the tv show. that doesnt stop the teacher x student relationships though😰😰😰 like the whole mr north - rose thing seemed pretty one sided on roses part thankfully, but he was still a nonce. like wdym u got a 17 year old pregnant and thats why you dont want to date rose? shouldnt the age gap or the fact shes your student be the reason??? then you had a 30 year old picking up con from a highschool, where she tells him he would look 'sexy' in a uniform, which just screams red flag, plus southgate and george (2 adults) knew and didnt gaf??😭 omg need i remind he was basically 🍇ed by lucys mother in the catering episode🙁 dont even get me started on sam and rivers. like he started harassing her which is horrible, but then she keot defending rivers and eventually started liking him back??? and when the students find out deloraine fired her they got mad at deloraine??? do they not care shes basically a nonce😥😥what even was the moral of this story because it was so icky... and then they run away together.😐 one storyline that highkey made me sob was lucy and her mums bf. im so happy they portrayed this in a negative light, cuz the scenes made me so uncomfortable. lucys actor is incredible tbh, this storyline was acc so sad☹

sorry for ranting, im just so mad about these😭

nick: he actually used to be my favourite, but at some point he became such a dick. like i still have a small soft spot for him because he was really nice at times, but him cheating on jodie was probably the final straw for me😭

i still absolutely ugly sobbed when he died🙁 tho

jodie: i didnt like her at first for some reason?? i dont know why???? shes actually really sweet, and probably the most open minded character in the whole show. nit at all relevant but she lowkey gives off gothic vibes😭 anyways someone find her a nice supportive boyfriend or i will date her instead. tbh tho, her and nick were cute while they lasted. also she is acc such a good singer and rapper omfg.

i also love the friendship she has w rivers and steve. like that is the perfect definition of platonuc boy and girl friendship where you can be close without catching feelings with eachother. like cuddling the homies. like kissing the homies goodnight. idk man my point is that some trios do work😋

con: probably my fav character !!! he was also my dads favourite too (my dad used to watch this when he was younger) 😭 he has a very likeable personality icl, although i feel like he lowkey has a lack of storylines. idk why, it just feels like they never give him any important storylines which is kinda sad😞 one storyline that he did have was the one with rose and jack and OH MY FUCKING GOD I GOT SO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARASSMENT. like con, ily but asking rose to marry you was NOT a girlboss move🙁 anyways dare i say he has adhd. people might disagree, its just a headcanon (although he is adhd coded. quinni may not be the only nuerodivergent character in the hbh universe..😈)

steve: i used to hate him because i thought he was irrelevant and treated danielle horrible, but at some point in season 1 the episodes got very steve-centric and he grew on me sooo bad.😨 istg tho, there was a certain point where he could not catch a break and i felt so bad😭 like imagine ur parents divorcing and becoming homeless because none of them wanted you, and then finding out youre adopted??? crazy. imo, id say he had one of the best written storylines in the tv show, but i think thats just because i lowkey related to him.😣 like the depression arc was real (that aint even the part i related to💀) anyways hes also vv funny, and i know he dies and im already grieving him despite not actually getting to that part yet☹

danielle: i mean shes okay???? i liked her at first iykwim but then she became kinda annoyibg nd rude😭 shes fine now, but i still dislike her. however, im kinda curious to see how this drug storyline works out, as the writers seem to do pretty well with all of danis storylines. ive not gotten to this bit yet, im just kinda curious😞 however, i dont know if shes pro choice or pro life and ots scaring me...

rivers: idk, i mean sometimes hes tolerable, and other times hes just a knob. i do feel bad for him though, he went through some shit🙁 he was kinda creepy at times tho, ntm the racism and homophobia...😰 i can sense the character development though, like the difference between him in season 1 vs now is obvious ! i do dislike him quite a lot though still.

the whole thing with sam is so icky though😭

rose: icl, i loved her. she deserved to be in the show longer. i thought she was incredibky delusional though, like first that pedo mr north, and then jack? except the crazy part was that her delusions were right😥😥 i was extremely oblivious to the fact jack liked her back, but yk, never underestimate the power behind teen girl magazines😈 the whole thing with the baby felt realistic (i think?? idk ive never had a teen pregnancy before) amd i thiught it was all executed pretty well !!! plus tess was really cute😭 it would be cool if tess came in the reboot as a teacher or something!!

icba to talk about every single character, so if perchance anybody wants to know how i feel about a certain character/storyline please ask! my box thingy is open :))

[landsailorsky]

Hi there! Your recent enthusiasm for One Piece convinced me to give it a shot again, after a very long time. I started with that new live-action one, which was very enjoyable! And now I'm thinking to move on to the anime.

The thing is, the last time I attempted to watch it (a decade or so ago), I became intimidated by the amount of episodes and stopped. And now there are so many more!

All that to ask, do you have any favorite arcs/episodes? Or, if not favorite, ones you consider very important to the enjoyment of the series?

No pressure to answer, naturally. And let me just say your excitement and enjoyment of the series has been fun to see second-hand. 😁

Aww, thank you so much for sending me this, it made my day! (Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you, it's been a long week.)

There are SO many episodes!! It's definitely intimidating. I gave it a brief try before the Live Action came out, wasn't sure I wanted to invest that time and gave up. But after watching and LOVING the Live Action, I've tried again and really enjoy it!

That being said, my method of getting through long TV shows is just multi-tasking. I watch the dub (It's good!) and am usually doing a craft while watching or sometimes scrolling through tumblr, etc.

Other than that method, I know there is a fan-made cut of the show that removes a lot of the filler/redundancy and shrinks the run time significantly called One Pace, that gets recommended a lot, but I haven't tried it personally.

It is a bit of a hard show to skip around, imo, because a lot of the fun of it is the characters and their interactions and how they grow, plus a lot of minor characters appear in one arc and pop-up again later.

BUT if you were to eliminate episodes, here are what I'd consider the most important arcs, though I'm no means an expert.

(Here is a link to the wiki with a guide to the episodes)

-There are roughly 100 episodes of filler you can definitely skip, though that doesn't get rid of that much.

-If you want to skip what the Live Action covered, you can start with episode 48 and the Loguetown arc (48-53).

-The next few arcs introduce some minor characters we see again, but the next major arc that introduces a new Strawhat member is the Drum Island arc (78-91).

-It's long, but I would definitely recommend watching the next arc, Alabasta to get to know several reoccurring characters and the next Strawhat (92-130).

-It also goes on a while but the Skypiea arc introduces some important lore of the show (153-195)

-It's filler, but I ADORED the G-8 arc (196-206). Just funny hi-jinks that didn't feel like filler at all

-There's a few arcs in between you could skip but DEFINITELY watch Water 7 (227-263) and Ennies Lobby (264-312). There are parts that go on a bit long, but this was my favorite part of the show that I've seen so far and I know Water 7 is the favorite arc of many fans of the show. It condenses a lot of the best elements of it and is so fun to watch

-Thriller Bark DOES introduce the 9th Straw Hat, you can watch those episodes (337 and 338) but after that, I would go forward to Sabaody Archipelago (385-405) because it introduces some major plot points and characters and I feel like the positives of the Thriller Bark arc are outweighed by the negatives, imo.

-Impel Down has a lot of fun characters, but could be skipped and you could move onto Marineford (457-489). Definitely watch that to understand the story moving forward

-Post War Arc (490-516) is good to watch for Luffy backstory and what all the characters were doing during the time skip

-It doesn't seem like Fishman Island (523-574) really impacts the plot as a whole? (Someone can correct me if I'm wrong) So I think you could skip it.

-Punk Hazard (579-625) is fun and does set up the next arc (Dressrosa) so I might recommend watching that

I am watching Dressrosa (~Around episode 665 iirc) now so I can't speak past that! If anyone else sees this post, feel free to weigh in!

Thank you again for your kind message! ^.^ (I like your Dungeon Meshi icon - That's next on my list after I get through One Piece!)

[rosenallies]

single mom anetra au yes pls😌

Ok idk how I feel abt this but uhh here is a bit of this ??<3 lmk what y'all think<333

----

Anetra sat at the bar, nursing a Margarita, stirring the drink around with her straw. She watched from the corner of her eye at couples on the dance floor, kissing and touching one another like they were completely alone. She envied them. There was a part of her that regretted her divorce, but she couldn’t shake the negative feelings she harbored toward her now ex-husband when she told him she thought she was bisexual and he blew up at her. She wasn’t even asking to explore that with anyone else, she just thought she could confide in him; after all he’d been with her since high school. He put a ring on her finger and had given her a daughter all before the age of 21, now at 26 she was divorced and single in the midst of a sexuality crisis with sole custody of their 5 year old daughter, Aurora. 

The thought of her daughter reminded her to check in with the babysitters. She didn’t leave Aurora with anyone else very often, but when the teenage twins next door offered to babysit in exchange for only $10 an hour, she figured she could use a night out; the girls were a bit ditzy but between the two of them, she figured they’d be fine, which they confirmed with several ‘thumbs up’ emojis when she texted them asking how things were going. 

Anetra sighed and slipped her phone back in her purse, debating just heading home, it was still early enough for her to curl up on the couch with a bottle of wine and a DVR full of reality tv shows she’d recorded. She sucked down the last of her drink when someone approached her, sliding themself between her and the person on the stool next to her.

“I’ll take a lemon drop martini and whatever she’s having,” they said to the bartender, gesturing to her. 

“Oh, um, just a regular Margarita, please.”

“I’m Marcia,” they said, tossing their silky blonde hair over their shoulder with a smile.

“Anetra, it’s nice to meet you.”

“You too, so what brings you here? All by your lonesome,” they giggled.

Anetra hesitated, shrugging and sipping her drink. “Just hanging out, I guess.”

Marcia hummed, trailing a delicate finger up her arm. “Would you care to maybe hang out somewhere else?”

“Oh, um, I don’t know-I have to get home, I have work in the morning and-”

“So do I,” they said, smiling, “my backseat is roomy.”

Heat pooled in Anetra’s stomach and she found herself nodding.

“Good, well, let me show you a good time, yeah?”

They led her out to the parking lot by the hand and all Anetra could think about was how she hoped Marcia couldn’t feel how sweaty her palms were.

Marcia wasn’t kidding about the good time they’d promised as they had Anetra coming apart under their tongue quicker than her ex had ever been capable of. 

“Do you want to come stay the night at my place? I’d be glad to keep the night going,” Marcia said breathlessly after they’d let Anetra play with them until they finished on her fingers with a high pitched moan. 

“Oh, I really have to get going, but thank you for the offer. I had fun.”

Before Marcia had a chance to ask for her number or give her theirs, Anetra yanked her dress back into place and left the car, hailing a taxi and heading home, Marcia’s delicate begging to finish playing in her mind on a loop.

When she got home, she paid the twins, just glad they didn’t set the kitchen on fire making the kraft mac n’ cheese she’d left for them to give Aurora for dinner and sent them on their way, chuckling to herself as they bickered down the hallway about who deserved the bigger cut, despite her paying them an even number that they could easily split. 

Once the girls left, she stood in the kitchen, suddenly feeling more alone than ever. She quickly scarfed down the last of the leftover mac n’ cheese and dumped the bowl in the kitchen sink to do later. About to head to bed, the sound of small feet could be heard pattering down the hallway.

“Mommy?” Aurora said, sleepily rubbing at her eyes that seemed to be stained pink and glittery.

“Hi, princess,” she replied, “how was your night?”

She nodded. “Good! Sugar did my makeup and said I look like a princess!”

“You are a princess, my princess. How come you’re still up?”

Aurora shrugged. “I just wanted to see you.”

Guilt made Anetra’s stomach twist, a feeling she couldn’t shake since her divorce, despite her therapist assuring her she did what was best for her and Aurora. 

“Do you want to come sleep in my bed?” Anetra asked, a sneaking suspicion. Since the divorce and the move to a new city in a new apartment, Aurora had slept in her bed more nights than her own and honestly, Anetra couldn’t blame her. Even she felt lonely in bed at night.

“Can I?”

Anetra smiled and pet her hair. “Of course, darling, we’ve gotta get up early for your first dance class in the morning, anyway.”

“Oh yay!” Aurora exclaimed, clapping her hands and hugging her mother’s legs, “I’m so excited!”

The next morning, Anetra woke up to a little foot in her face and an ache in her back, just a small reminder that just last night she was laid in the back of a stranger’s car, moaning their name. She ignored the ache in her loins as she thought about it while she showered and ignored the thought of Marcia’s sweet smile while she drove Aurora to her dance class, Disney songs playing softly from her car’s speaker. 

When they arrived, she walked Aurora into the lobby where other parents lingered, sipping expensive coffee as they chatted about how their kid was gonna be the next big thing. 

“Hi, are you here for the beginning ballet class?” An older woman with a tight ponytail approached her, smiling down at Aurora in her pink leotard and skirt.

“Yes, are you the teacher?”

“No, my name is Sasha, I own the studio and I just wanted to come in to welcome all our new dancers, there’s quite a few starting today.”

Anetra nodded along. “I’m Anetra, and this is my daughter, Aurora.”

“Welcome, we’re glad to have you, you’ll find her teacher in the studio right over to the left if you’d like to get acquainted with them, they’re lovely!”

“Great, thank you so much.”

Sasha nodded curtly and walked away, leaving her and Aurora to make their way to the studio where her class would be held.

 It seemed they were the only ones there as when they entered, the studio was empty, save for the blonde bent over the speaker, fiddling with the cords.

“Hello,” Anetra said, awkwardly getting their attention.

The blonde gasped and dropped the cords, turning around. Anetra felt the blood drain from her face as the memories of the night prior came flooding back once again, despite her attempts to push them away.

“I’m Marcia,” they said brightly with a smile, “and you two are?”

Anetra swallowed, unsure as to whether they were playing dumb or if they genuinely don’t remember. As far as Anetra could tell, they were relatively sober last night, so they must’ve remembered.

“I’m Anetra and this is my daughter Aurora.”

“Welcome to class, Aurora, I love your leotard, pink is my favorite color!”

Aurora looked up at her mother excitedly, then back at Marcia. “It’s mine too! I’m really excited to be in dance class, my mommy said since her and daddy divorced I needed something to cheer me up!”

At that moment, Anetra felt like she wanted to be swallowed up whole by the universe, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“Well, dance is a perfect way to cheer yourself up, I’m so glad both of you are here! Do you wanna say bye to mommy?”

Anetra squatted down to her level, smoothing down a hair that flew away from the rest of her bun, the same strand of hair that she could never get to sit flat ever since Aurora was born. “You be good now, okay, princess? Mommy will be back in an hour, don’t be scared, I will be back, okay?”

“Okay! Bye mommy!”

Excited as ever, Aurora skipped over to where Marcia was, a group of other little girls starting to form a huddle around them. It seemed as if Anetra was more anxious about it than she was. Sighing, Anetra slipped out of the studio and back into her car where she decided she’d wait. 

An hour of mindlessly scrolling through her phone went by slowly and when it was finally time, she went back inside to collect her daughter, who spun around in circles excitedly, showing off her newly learned moves.

Marcia approached her, a soft hand on her shoulder. “Cute kiddo. Let me know if mommy ever needs some cheering up too,” they said, slipping a folded up index card into her hand before turning their attention back to the other parents coming to collect their kids. Unfolding the card, Anetra noticed it was their phone number, with ‘call me’ written in loopy writing, signed off with a heart and a smiley face.

[diamond-punk0963]

My RWBY Wonderland AUs!

Heyo, everyone! Diamond Punk here! Due to recent RWBY announcements, I wanna spill on some RWBY Wonderland AUs that I have. I’ve been planning on making content with these AUs (fics and headcanons in the future) so look for stuff for that as time progresses. With that said, I hope you guys enjoy them as much as I loved making them. (If you want to learn more about these AUs, feel free to DM me!)

(Key; 🐞🍀= Luck Siblings AU, 🃏= with OCs, 🐞🐈‍⬛= crossover with MLB, 💙= Ironwood-Schnee AU added, 🌹= Canon Characters Only)

1. Intertwined (🃏/💙) Growing up in remnant with a single, Ebenezer Schnee always asked a lot of questions. However, the only question he couldn’t find the answer to lies within his own family’s history. That question being; "What was his father like?" It seemed like a disaster waiting to strike to ask such a question, the answer being brushed off by Willow’s reminisce of the past and arguments he would get into by Winter. No matter how hard he was pushed away from the truth, it only caused Eb to wonder about his father even more. The only info he ever got on him was how much of bad person he was or how Willow told him that he looked so much like him.

Neither outcomes could bring his curiosity at ease. He wanted the truth about his father and his family’s opinion on him didn’t help on the matter. He didn’t believe Winter much from her own form of bias on the matter. Kailey, Weiss, and Whitley kept quiet on the subject. As for why, Eb wasn’t entirely sure on. One thing’s for certain, he wanted to find out who his father was on his own accord. If he was as bad as they said he was, where’s the evidence. Leaving him out of family albums and stories of the past that he felt was one-sided wasn’t the most reliable form of evidence to convince him of their claim.

Accompanied by his girlfriend Shae, Eb went off on a secret mission to find his father’s whereabouts or any information he could find on him. He had to be careful, sneaking out every chance he could to find evidence of his father’s whereabouts. He would often disguise his investigations as him going on dates with Shae or having sleepovers with friends. (Which wasn’t entirely true at times) Talking to those that were close to his mother or knew her when she arrived before him and youngest sister were born, he hoped that he could find the evidence to solve this family mystery. However, that fell short rather quickly. No one really knew who Eb’s father really was nor have they met him. Tried looking info by internet means but nothing of him appeared. It was almost like he didn’t even exist.

The search lasted for seven months until Winter caught him, looking for answers. This led to a rather heated argument between the two siblings. Eb couldn’t understand why his eldest sister was so negative about him. Just because she hated him doesn’t mean he has to either. Words were said and nerves were tested. It was when Winter made her final statement is what pushed Eb to the final straw. Tired of living without answers of the past, Eb pushed winter away and ran off into the emerald forest. She tried to go after him but got lost within the city crowd as she was looking for him.

Once finding a quiet spot within the forest by a tree was when he broke down in tears. He only wanted to find out who his father was. He never meant to upset Winter or his family. He was tired of being the odd one out when it came to having a dad in his life. All he wanted was proof of his father’s existence. Something he felt was simple to obtain but difficult to find in the end. He felt all alone at this point. Alone at finding the answers on who his father was and what was he like.

What happened next happened quick upon a moment’s hesitation. Everything went pitch black and suddenly, he was falling down somewhere. It was quick, a moment’s hesitation before he fell into he felt was oblivion. Eventually, he was guided by a light and a terrible headache when he landed. All of it became a blur when woke up within the forest. Or what he thought was the forest that he ran off to after his argument with Winter. Everything was colorful but his mind was filled with confusion as he wandered into what he felt was forever for him. His vision felt blurry and he had a terrible time, trying to pull himself together. The last thing he could remember before his mind went blank was feeling some form of liquid going down his throat as if he was drinking something.

Reborn into a new identity with no memories of the past, Eb lived within a small house within the forest. It wasn’t much but it felt like home for him. He grew an addiction for tea and loved making clothing for himself. Hats where a special thing for him but he also enjoyed expanding his horizons. Every so often, he would venture out into the local village for supplies. He made a small business, making hats and was able to make just enough to survive on. If anyone within the village were to ask him about his family or where he’s from, he would often respond with a funny remark to make others smile. When in reality, he couldn’t think of a single thing of them. At this point, he thought of himself as a orphan who lived in the forest. Raised himself to survive and made something of himself with his work.

Time was a fickle little thing that he couldn’t keep track of and once upon another round of errands for a supply run, he bumped into the king of hearts. Or well, the king bumped into him while the young electric blue and green eyed boy was buying supplies. He’s never been the one to look into royalty and the mere fact that he caught the eye of one was enough to scare him. He wasn’t the best when it came to social interactions. The king grew very suspicious of Eb, never seeing him around made him extremely likely to be a troublemaker within his eyes. He didn’t want Eb around for that reason alone. He let the young madman buy what he needed for the month and let him be on his way but his gaze was something Eb couldn’t help but shiver on the thought of.

What started off as a first awkward interaction became the beginning of a chain of events to come. The king hearts while he was strong and cunning as they say, he started to be plagued by his mind upon the thoughts about the past. However, he kept his thoughts well hidden. He didn’t want his subjects to know that he was starting to wander into his own mind, causing weakness of occur from being distracted. Eb started to wonder about his own past as the questions about his family started to grow bigger into his mind. Curiosity becoming his worst enemy as the ‘what if’s’ became unable to avoid. How come he didn’t remember his family? Did they even want him? Was he just abandoned in the first as a child or was there something more occurring upon his path of isolation than what he believed to know.

The journey of finding memories would lead to the king and young madman’s paths to intertwine to the pool of tears; giving hints to answers in exchange for a tear of pure emotion. The deeper they went into finding clues of the past, the more they started to unravel upon themselves. Eb’s hunger to find answers became his guide to finding the truth. Meanwhile, the king slowly started to lose himself towards his temper as he ventured deeper into the fray.

What will Eb find of his family? What will the king discover what was missing in his life before the war? And most importantly, what will happen once they find the truth? When two paths are intertwined, danger is bound to strike.

2. Lost Memories (🐞🍀/🐞🐈‍⬛/🃏) Marinette was your usual average girl in Paris. Between wanting to date the boy she fell in love at school and achieving her dreams to be a famous fashion designer, she was always on the run to getting what she needed to accomplish for the week. It was a tiring series of events, hanging with friends and making sure to be on top of your school work. Upon a week upon her life, she went though a burnout after completing a group project. It was at the end of that week, she decided to jump into some time to unwind by a trip to the forest.

Packed with her sketchbook for inspiration, should it strike, she couldn’t wait to see what lies ahead of her. What she didn’t expect is to find a series of random objects upon the path where she started to get ideas from the scenery. Even more so, that path leading into a man in the woods that seemed very . . . Odd to her. She wasn’t one to judge but how could a man live in a forest on his own, only having a some kitchen furniture to use. Well, at the least, he was well mannered towards her. What started off as a friendly interaction became another series of events that would lead the young fashion designer to discover upon.

She started to see the lucky hatter, a few weeks after that forest trip. She didn’t mind him being around but she started to sense something familiar about him that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. The young man, who she found out his name to be Clover as she got to know him better, started to help her out whenever she felt like she needed someone to talk to. Sharing that and many fond moments that made her grow closer towards him for, Clover was a many of many mysteries. His past was something Marinette couldn’t quite figure out on her own. However, she didn’t want to push things too much for him so she brushed it off too the side for the time being.

It’s all fun and games until some magic becomes involved. By then, what will lie ahead of her and what’s so special this bird that Adrien keeps gazing off to?

(Wrote a one-shot to start it off if y’all wanna read! 👆🏻)

3. Memories (🃏/💙) Living in Wonderland, Eb’s faced many adventures that he took delight upon discovering what’s around the corner. When you’re the second son and fifth child to the king of hearts, living life can be a paradise above the sky. However, Eb wasn’t always the one to live above the clouds. He would much rather be on the ground and into the forest where he could wander for hours. What’s life without adventure and the journey to discovering what lies ahead?

That’s how he ended up meeting Ruby Rose and Oscar Pine. Two of the few that Eb keeps within his inner circle of his friends. Oscar’s the nephew to Ozpin, the mystery man within the forest that always asked questions that left him wandering for hours within his own mind. Ruby’s the daughter of the mad hatter within the forest that he secretly admired. The three would often sneak into the forest to either hang out or have private tea parties. Having tea parties was Eb’s favorite thing to do besides discovering through the woods. They would often talk about their day, what chatter they heard through the crowd, or dare eachother into drinking teas that would have unique effects on themselves.

The only issue at hand was feud between Eb and Ruby’s fathers. James Ironwood, the king of hearts and Qrow Branwen, the Mad Hatter of the forest. They . . . Didn’t quite see eye to eye with eachother. As for why, neither of the three knew. James didn’t want Eb to hang out with Ruby and Qrow for fear of their carefree influence getting into him. Qrow didn’t want his daughter around James for reasons he didn’t want to explain clearly. Eb was someone he kept a close eye on at times. He wasn’t sure what to think of the young prince but if he’s anything like the king, he wasn’t sure if being around Ruby was the best idea for her.

It was clear to see that both kids where annoyed at their fathers for pulling them apart at times. So much into the point where they would have to sneak out in secret to assure that trouble wouldn’t arise between the two. Oscar was annoyed about the situation as well, seeing that he didn’t like his friend group being pulled apart of their father’s bias towards the others. Coming towards Ozpin when they felt like they couldn’t take sneaking around to meet anymore, they wanted to figure out what was the reason why their fathers had a distaste for each other.

What they didn’t expect was to find out upon the past, Qrow and James were actually pretty close friends. Close into the level where Ruby and Eb lie upon today. However, it was an unfortunate event that caused the two to tear apart from each-other upon the past. Determined to make amends, the wonderland trio set off on a quest to discover the secrets of the past and figure out what the past is hiding from them and their families.

What they didn’t expect was the danger and tests of trust and friendship that lied ahead for the three of them.

4. The Lost Rose (🌹/Modern AU) Moving into Vale after getting accepted to Beacon High wasn’t something Ruby expected. A new life meant change upon her daily routine. Meeting people and making friends wasn’t her strong suit but Yang, her older sister, encouraged her to break out of her shell to at least, try to make one friend. Trying is what lead Ruby to make a rival towards a girl with white hair that she couldn’t remember the name of. She never meant to bump into her and spill lunch on her skirt on purpose.

Going into a week in of a new school and Ruby couldn’t feel anything but a short of a mess. On days where she couldn’t handle being a social person, she would head to the courtyard and read a book by a bench. She would sometimes, see a girl with long black hair do the same but couldn’t muster up the courage to talk to her. It was one day when she was reading was when she made her first friend. Unexpectedly; a bird. A crow, as she later discovered by a simple research.

It wasn’t often that she would see birds around the school but a crow would often appear around her bench, whenever she was reading on her own. At first, it was to steal her lunch. Sounds typical but later on, she brought snacks for said lunch thief. The next time she saw the crow come over, she gave it a snack so hers wouldn’t be taken away. This became routine for a few months. She didn’t mind the company. It was a little secret of her own.

It was on a rainy day of school when things started to change. Another failed attempt at making a friend left her in the mud. No, I’m serious. She tripped and fell into mud, face first. It was at her lowest when she met someone. He was tall but had a mysterious aura about him. He held up an umbrella above her so she couldn’t get any future wet that she already was. Her silver eyes gazed upon his faded pink gaze. She didn’t know who this man was or why he was helping her.

He introduced himself as 'Qrow'. With a Q. An odd name for a man but at this point, Ruby saw herself as an odd person, herself. He helped her out of the mud and walked her home. It was strange, being walked home by some stranger. Naturally, she kept her guard up. Her dad often warned her of weirdos and she debated to herself if he was what her father warned her about. This time, she was glad that he didn’t pulled any stunts before he left her with said umbrella when she arrived home. Wouldn’t he get cold and wet too?

Upon the next month, she would often find this mysterious man with a hat at the strangest of times. When she was reading, nearby a window when she felt like she was dozing off, or whenever she was alone, he would find him upon her gaze. She attempted to show Yang the man but when she turned to introduce him, he had already disappeared. At times, she would only see a crow upon where he once stood. How odd, this situation must be.

Why was Qrow always disappearing whenever she attempted to introduce his sister or anyone towards him? Why was he acting so kind towards her? Where was he from? Questions similar to this filled the girl’s mind with the possibilities of answers. The deeper she ventured through to find the answers, more certain she started to fall into a place where she never imagine to be.

5. Connection (🐞🐈‍⬛/🐞🍀/🃏/💙) Curiosity; it gets the best of us when we’re at a young age. Every kid wants to venture into the unknown and discover something new. Whether it would be alone or with friends or family, it’s with imagination that takes us into a place unknown. Filled with excitement but danger. It’s simply a dream towards those who imagine the possibilities of falling into curiosity.

However, Adrien Agreste wasn’t one of those kids. Not in the beginning, anyways. Being a son of a famous model and often helping his father with his company, it seemed like another form of a dream for others as well. When in reality, he was only doing what he was told in hopes for earning his father’s affections. It never came in the end. He never admitted it but he was envious of those who had loving families. All he wanted was his father’s love. Even then, it wasn’t often he would receive any love from his father. Only person she saw that gave him any form was Natalie.

It wasn’t too out of the ordinary for him to wonder on what his life could’ve been if his mom hadn’t gotten sick. Maybe, he would’ve had the family he dreamed of having. He grew close to his mother as he grew. Thus, imagining the possibility also had a heavy burden to add to what happened within the last year or so. When he got too deep, he would take his mind off with either classes or what he could spot within his line of vision. Like at the camera for his picture to be taken, a nearby flower, or Marinette. He couldn’t help but feel some strange emotion whenever she was around him. The kind of emotion that would make him feel weak to the knees and accidentally mess up on his words or trip on his own feet.

Regardless of how he felt about the coming days of his life or about her, he still kept going. As each day passes by, he would keep thinking about the possibility of his life being different if things changed back then. It slowly became an annoyance towards him. Not about Marinette though, he could never be annoyed towards her. She was amazing and he always told her that as much as he could. It was clear he wanted to date her but didn’t know how to ask. Then again, he wasn’t sure his father would approve of him dating.

He wondered about change within his life. One day, he managed to get what he wanted. Just maybe not in the way he expected. He taking a walk upon a forest, nearby his hometown. The trip was pretty easy, seeing that he only took a bus to head into the forest for a nature hike. He figured he needed a break from the city life and this was his chance. It was interesting, seeing all of the greenery upon the natural sunlight. He managed to take a few photos with his phone to show his friends for when he returned.

Among taking photos during the trip, he started to lose his sense of direction after wandering for a bit. He attempted to find someone to help him and saw a young man in the distance. Tall with black hair and had some variation of formal attire. Odd outfit to wear to a forest but he wasn’t one to judge. He held a gold pocket watch, looking at time before running off. Not wanting to be alone again, he ran off to follow him. He managed to keep up with him for around twelve minutes until he was gone upon his line of vision. Last he saw of the stranger, he was nearby a huge tree he never saw before.

How did the stranger suddenly disappear by a tree? Upon further investigation, he found a hole among the stump of said tree. It looked big enough for someone to fit inside. Maybe it was a deep hiding spot? Why would the stranger hide for? He called out into the hole, asking if anyone was in there. He sat, near the edge to see if he could get a better look inside. This is where Adrien’s curiosity got the better of him; a single slip of his knees before he fell down into the endless void.

Bracing for impact, Adrien became ready for the worst. However, he wasn’t ready for when his eyes opened. It was a forest, much like the one he ventured except it’s different. The sky was a different color. So were the trees and flowers. Where he’d fallen down into became a mystery he had to solve. He ventured into the mysterious forest, finding any sense of direction that could aid him on discovering his current location.

He had no idea he fell down into a whole new world that he’d never imagined to discover. Even more so, finding the people that lived upon this new world. As he would later to find out, wonderland is a place where those who are lost and in need of finding someplace or someone to belong to.

( Tag List: @dashflashy-arts @dowhatteverer @eviltomb @autistic-swanprincess @naturallyunstablegamer @blue-cheeseinmyoffwhites @howlingday @rootbeerflotsam )

(Note; Ozpin, if you’re reading this, this is KJ from Instagram. We talked during that Q&A you had on insta when you were signing stuff. Here’s the wonderland post with RWBY that I told you I’d write. Sorry it took so long. Hope you like it!)

[roosterforme]

okay, so... Emily... i don't interact with you as much as i'd like bc you intimidate me (in the best way. you're like, too cool), and sometimes i do it on anon, but today is the last straw. you get familiar-me because i like you a lot, and i'm fucking finished with these anons.

this last chapter of AEOY (is that it? i'm terrible with acronyms, i'm so sorry)... Roo and Baby Girl... Chapter 9. you know what i mean... THAT chapter was a lot on my heart. but it's autobiographically-tinged fiction (i know that, and i love you) and these little BITCHES need to take SEVERAL seats and calm THE FUCK down. i'm single as hell, but i can't tell you what i'd give to be in a relationship where we loved each other so much that we just wanted to show each other how much we love each other. SEX IS OKAY. SEX IS GOOD. AND IT'S PART OF (most) RELATIONSHIPS (i'm trying to be aro/ace inclusive, i swear). so if you don't like Roo and Baby Girl fucking... FUCK OFF. and when things don't go as planned, the blame game is easy to slip into, regardless of communication, regardless of how well-adjusted (or not) we are as adults. we, as human beings, are DEEPLY flawed creatures. that is going to be reflected in EVERY relationship, platonic or romantic or any other kind. it's not toxic. fertility struggles and infertility are WILDLY common, but there is a MASSIVE stigma around it, so it's not talked about NEARLY as much as it should be. it makes people feel alone. feel like shit. feel unloved, unworthy, and plenty of other crappy ass feelings. shit, i might have endometriosis, which can affect fertility, and even though i'm not 100% i want kids, that shit still has me fucked up. so if ANYONE has ANYTHING negative to say to or about you or your writing, they are cordially invited to get fucking wrecked. i haven't addressed my anger issues with my therapist yet, and i've been looking for an outlet. (ง'̀-'́)ง there is no reason to inundate Em's inbox with negativity. you don't like her stuff? KEEP SCROLLING. it costs NOTHING to move on. you're literally WASTING energy shitting on her FOR NO REASON. so leave her the fuck alone and get a fucking grip.

love, a fucking cunt

Anya! Next thing I know, you'll be in my DMs. Thanks for this message. I'm pretty sure the anon just couldn't handle the subject matter and warnings listed on my fic masterlist. Which is fine, but I don't need to hear about it. Just excuse yourself quietly.

Having (consensual) sex is healthy. Not having sex at all is healthy. Being in an established, long-term relationship and having frequent sex is sometimes necessary. Also, this is a FANFIC and those parts are fun to read and write.

I'll send you a little smooch, because even if you don't like kids and don't intend to have them, any sort of fertility struggle can really mess with your head, babe. I'm trying to write this from experience. The feelings of isolation and blame are so strong, and not just for BG but also for Roo. You want to feel helpless? Realize that there is nothing else you can really do to help the one person you love most when they start shutting down.

I don't know why there is SO MUCH nasty anon hate in this fandom. And truly, the anon I got was nothing compared to what I have seen before in my inbox and on some other blogs. But it's really uncalled for. And Anya will kick your ass.

[jojameswinter]

Ok now my theory about the bracelet touch scene is since we know now that Kie gets kidnapped in front of her own house to get taken to wilderness therapy camp that tells me she doesn’t know she’s gonna get taken because I think when Kie first gets back to obx after getting off the island her parents are so happy to have her back that they tell her ok you don’t have to go to wilderness camp if you follow our rules and stay away from the pouges so she tells her parents that she at least wants to say goodbye to them so she goes over to JJs house and finds him drunk working on his motorcycle because she wants to check on him since he’s all alone but also she has to tell him they can’t hang out anymore or there can be no more trouble caused other wise she’ll be taken to blue ridge and JJ says he can’t lose her but also Kie looks really worried about him and wants to comfort him since he had to come home to an empty house and then the incident at Kie’s parents anniversary party happens which was the last straw for Kie’s parents to send her away and jj knows that so the next day JJ goes to Kie’s house to apologize to her partners and convince them to let Kie stay here but JJ has come too late because Kie has already been taken away and he freaks out and that’s when he decides to take it into his own hands and comes up with a plan to her her back!!!

Sorry this took me a bit to get to, but YES ANON YES!!!! We’ve been thinking so many of these things too! The trailer clearly set up the Kooks vs. Pogues divide we’ve been discussing. Sarah and Kie being pulled back into Kook society. Then John B dealing with his father being back. Pope has his family and now we know that CLEO WILL BE LIVING WITH HIM AND THEY WILL BE TOGETHER SDLKFSJLDKFJ I truly cannot believe how much was given away in that article! 

Then…we have JJ. Oh boy. This is going to be the actual death of me, it’s gonna be so painful. They’ve told us now we’re going to watch him struggle with his “demons” and “trauma” and how he’ll be able to accept a healthy relationship. Personally, this is what I’m most excited for, as much as it’s going to KILL ME. Rudy also said that JJ leans a lot on Kiara this season which makes me SO FERAL. In the still particularly I thought it looked more like he's comforting her, but it could be her comforting him OR it could be that they're comforting each other! Like you said, it's possible he has been drinking here, so that could be why he looks more bold. It's clear they're becoming each other's person and I'M GOING TO DIE, ACTUAL DEATH I TELL YOU!!!

I truly don’t wanna believe the Carreras threaten wilderness boarding school IMMEDIATELY once they get her back, and I had such high hopes for turning around the characterization of the Carreras with the obvious parallels there, but…it seems like they’re going to continue to be characterized negatively. Even WORSE actually by having their daughter KIDNAPPED after having been missing. I just wanna hope something is going to be different when we see it all on screen. 

But IMAGINE that JJ happens to walk in DURING her ambush…HE WOULD LOSE HIS MIND AND SO WOULD I. 

There could definitely be a break out, maybe intercepting her somewhere type of scene. If they make it to the facility, I think it will be very brief. JJ WOULD GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH FOR KIE.

[voidofryu]

Don't pressure yourself

[Jotaro Kujo x gender neutral!reader comfort]

I'm actually really having a hard time with studying 'cause I can't remember shit, exams are next week so I probably won't be really active. This is kinda based off of my experience so yea

👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾

Flipping through the textbook and some notes, you sweat dropped at the information placed in front of you. There were so many words, so many explanations that you have to remember and it was occupying your brain in a negative way. You ruffled your hair roughly and started to caress your temple.

"How am I supposed to remember all of this?!"

Soon, your stress levels were rising and you were tipped over the edge. Your brain was going places and your eyes started tearing up. The studying session completely failed and now you are here with yourself, crying alone and afraid. Afraid of what's going to come up in the exams.

*insert your phone ringtone here*

You looked at your phone and the caller ID, Jotaro Kujo <33 . You immediately rubbed away your tears and took a deep breath before answering the call.

"Hey, Jotaro. What's up?"

Your voice turned out to be a little hoarse from the crying so you cleared your throat and prayed that he never heard it. But of course, he did.

"What's wrong? From your voice, you sound like you're crying. Are you alright?"

You dismissed his worries.

"I'm completely fine! You don't have to worry about me! I just saw a sad video, that's all"

But Jotaro wasn't having it.

"Don't lie to me, (Y/n). It's the exams, isn't it?"

Curse him for being so smart, he's always like this. You went silent and were trying to think up a better comeback but before you could speak, Jotaro was way ahead of you.

"I'm coming over, don't move"

Then he hung up, you placed your phone down on the table, it's not like you could stop him or anything. So, you took another deep breath and went back to studying.

A few minutes later..

*Ding dong...*

The doorbell ringing echoed throughout the house so you begrudgingly got up and went to the front door. Opening it, you were a bit intimidated to see Jotaro towering over you. Rubbing your red and slightly puffy eyes, Jotaro reached and grabbed on your wrist.

"Don't rub it, you'll make it worse"

Jotaro then lets himself in and pats your head.

"Let me guess, you were stressed out over exams and studying?"

You embarrassingly nodded your head and looked away with tears in your eyes. You felt quite ashamed and afraid that Jotaro was going to make fun of you about it considering that he's actually smart.

He sighed and pulled you in close. That was the last straw to everything. You completely broke down and started crying in his arms.

"I just-I tried..I really tried..! I just wanted to ace this exam and be over it..! I'm jealous of you sometimes...you're so smart and your mom doesn't care if you get a bad grade or not...My family- *sniff* My family just automatically thinks I'm a disappointment and i hate it..!"

Jotaro was silently listening to you dispersing your emotions and held you even tighter. You never knew it but his heart ached at the fact that you've been struggling like this for so long. You never vent out your problems to him as you thought he was going to be annoyed by it all. But now here you were, him holding you silently while you rant out your family problems to him, knowing that he probably can't relate to it.

"Please don't think of me as a mistake...please.. That's the last thing that i want to hear coming from you.."

You said quietly and looked up at him with stray tears rushing down your cheeks. Jotaro caressed your hair and ducked down to kiss you softly, the kiss was sweet but short. He pulled away from you and looked at you.

"The last thing that you would ever hear coming from me wouldn't be me looking down on you, I promise. I may not be good with words but I mean every word I say. You are the best partner that I could have ever asked for. Even if you failed your exams, that doesn't mean everything's over. You still have a long way to go"

Jotaro caressed your cheek softly and kissed your forehead.

"Now, let me help you with your studying. What are you struggling with? Don't worry, we can take it slow"

[cooganbegs-blog]

Wow! What are couple of weeks it’s been.

Week 1: AWS Roundtable in Sydney. I almost bailed at the last minute I was shitting myself! Sucked it up and it ended up being a really great evening. Introduced myself to the CPO of Cuscal, one of our key partners. Turns out she’s only 3 months into the job and super keen to meet up with me!!! ME!!! The rest of the week working in my amazing product coaches offices in Surry hills. I realise I do really like time with people! Remote working is amazing but time with people is actually really beneficial!!

Week 2: Three days of Agile Australia 2023 in Sydney. Wow I came away like a puppy with three tails and so much potential to improve what we do in our teams. Having heeded advice that I need to be careful with bringing people along with change I suggested to the engineering leads and CTO one change to our fortnightly retros. The CTO jumped at the problems and why it wouldn’t work! Head of DevOps was all for trying something new and gave unqualified support, remaining leads were skeptical and took a wait and see approach. I have a great working relationship with the CTO so gave him some feedback on his comments in our 1:1. I couched it in terms of wanting to create teams where we can try things and fail. If the team feel that they will always get a negative response (especially from the CTO) we won’t get new ideas!! He admitted he is not good with change and agreed that he does jump to the problems and said he would work on it!

Week 3: Back home and into the reality of day to day work. Trying to recruit, one step forward, three steps back, a newbie who is so enthusiastic and smart and eager to create value who I’m so scared of her leaving because I don’t provide the environment for her to thrive, the utter frustration of my PO who elected to work out his notice period (1 month) sitting there being paid doing SWEET FUCK ALL, back doing product work because there ain’t anyone else to do it so no time or brain space to be thinking by about the big picture strategy and roadmap! And then the email from the CEO which was the straw which almost broke the camels back. It was CC’d to the rest of the exec team and also my PO (who has been there 5 years and is difficult to get through to). Basically why was a particular feature being released and what else was being developed that he wasn’t aware of and where the fuck was the roadmap. I felt a wave of nausea when I read it and saw the recipient list. Took and mental deep breath and replied:

“I'll own this. I was not aware that this was being developed and released this sprint and I should be across what features are being prioritised and released. Also, the Infinity roadmap is currently scattered between Miro and Prodpad and I have not prioritised organising it, so the team does not have a plan.

Apologies, I will work with X and Y next week to get the roadmap in place and ongoing improvements prioritised for the team to develop.”

Got crickets for the rest of the day, except for the Operations Manager who is a close buddy who commented: “You owning that fuckup was the highlight of my fucked up day!”

Coincidently, I had an hour booked the next morning with the CEO on the roadmap. So after a big cry and a few wines on Thursday night I gritted my teeth for a complete balling out from him on Friday!

Some context, he is a blunt and straight talking bloke. I feel he is maybe on the spectrum a little, certainly an introvert but works around it well. He has history of losing his shit with people, walking out of meetings, his sarcasm can be withering. Yet I can say in all honestly he’s gruff but I always manage to raise and smirk or two from him and he’s never been rude or dismissive to me. Long story, an hour later I had some really great direction for the roadmap and a reset on where I should be prioritising my time and effort. I left the Zoom with: “Fuck I thought I was going to get a balling out from you because I dropped the ball but this has been really helpful so thanks!” That prompted a smirk and a comment that it’s his job to make sure I’m working on the most important things. But if a lesson learned! It’s not the end of the day if I drop a ball, the world keeps going and no one expects me to be perfect but once again I need to be communicating what’s happening and manage up a lot better. I need to change my fear of presenting something half finished, or just my thinking on something because it’s not perfect. Getting input early is good, waiting until it’s perfect means I’ll never communicate!!! ….sigh….it’s all a fucking long work in progress!!