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kachuuyaa · 3 years ago

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Hi hi hi I am back with some new fucking incorrect quotes before school drags me to me inevitable downfall

Also I think it would be really funny if we go by the original au of Dazai and Chuuya falling to Genshin with BSD! Reader following right after, but with Fyodor. He just kinda, is there but makes everything worse regardless. Rat man..

---

Dazai: it's kinda gay to work at the port mafia

Chuuya, eye twitching: I'm gay

BSD! Reader, regardless of gender, fruity:

Fyodor: yeah it's because you work at the port mafia

---

Fyodor: about wine: grapes are easy to aquire and easy to eat.

Reader, wine connoisseur: if you say anything more on this topic I'm going to murder you.

Diluc, wine maker, who has to deal with more wine menaces other than Kaeya: do it

---

Reader: I'm going to bed

Chuuya: ??? Okay, but it's morning.

Reader: it sure is

Chuuya: a new day JUST started

---

Fyodor: you're looking cute today

Dazai, whipping out a gun: you better say no homo I the next 3 seconds or I'm making this everyone's problem

Dazai: 1

Fyodor:

Dazai: 2

Fyodor:

Dazai:

Fyodor:

----

Sara: and here's your sticky honey roast!

Fyodor: it's dry.

Reader: [spits on it, steps on it, throws it out the window] how about now

Reader: you bitch

Fyodor: I hate life.

---

Dazai: I can't open this jar!

Kaeya: yeah, that's because its--

Reader: [opens it like a jar]

Kaeya: -A can. What the fuck?

---

Dazai: I have an idea.

Reader:

Dazai: I said I have an idea

Reader: I'm ignoring you.

---

Reader: so if you paint your finger tips with clear nail polish, you won't leave fingertips.

Childe: shoot that's actually really helpful information. Thanks!!

Jean, Kaeya, Amber, and Eula, who are the genshin equivalent of the authorities: ...Helpful for what exactly?

Fyodor: murder?? It's kind of a given here.

---

Reader: where are you?

Any of the BSD boys: at the church.

Reader: ...you good?

Them: no.

Reader:

Them:

Reader:

Them:

Reader: So are you gonna elaborate?

---

Reader, fucking with Dainsleif: my biological parent told me when I was born had reptile skin.

Dainsleif: what

Reader: I had very dry skin

Dain: No you did not

Reader: yes I did

Dain: childbirth is not a dry experience.

Fyodor: how do you know that? Have you given birth

Diluc, who overheard everything: this conversation is over.

---

Albedo: okay this says "shake well before feeding"

Fyodor: [picks up the baby to shake them]

Albedo: Mr. Dostoevsky. Who's child is that

---

Fyodor, trying to get information: so what do you do if someone makes an allegation against you

Dazai: see you later alligator

Childe: I fight them

Reader: murder

Kaeya: blackmail

Fyodor: thank you gentlepeople I have finished my report.

Fyodor: I'm eating raw apple juice

Lisa: raw?

Reader: [nodding] raw.

Lisa: as in straight out the apple?

Fyodor: yes.

---

Kaeya: so how are you feeling?

Reader, chronic liar: pretty good.

Kaeya, another chronic liar: no need to lie to me.

Reader:

Kaeya:

Reader:

---

Reader: man it's like my bones are broken

Dainsleif: where you're going, you don't need bones.

Traveller:What??? Where are we going??

Dainsleif, Kaeya, and Albedo, the Khaenri'ahn boys: Khaenri'ah

---

Fyodor, after 1 drink, not because he's drunk, but because he's just like that: did you know. The mouth of a jellyfish is also its anus. I just though that was interesting.

Reader: looking at Diluc and his claymore: i want this man gone

---

Reader: when you die I will play Jenga with your bones.

Fyodor: you want to play with my chalky bones?

Dazai, to Chuuya and the other GI characters: I told you they were getting along

---

Dazai: I had a dream where Y/N was about to kill me because they went insane and did some very morally questionable things, but you saved me

Chuuya, with Fyodor slung over his shoulder, hauling Dazai's bony ass up: Dazai that was not a dream. Now get up we have to run. They're coming.

----

Reader, talking to any vision wielder about ruin guards: fuck a vision I'll just kill them (with my bare hands)

---

(Take 1)

Chuuya: so this is how you make faggottini, a cheese filled type of pasta--

Reader: Italians, count your fucking days

---

(Take 2)

Fyodor and Childe: [exist]

Reader: Russians, count your fucking days.

---

Klee: would you fight me?

Reader: how old are you?

Klee: 10

Reader: yea

Reader: whip you upside down, spin you around like a ceiling fan, yes baby girl is will.

Klee, gasping: how old are you?!

Reader: 20ish

Klee: we're like freaking 10 years apart!

Reader: I'm glad you know how to do math

Klee: my mom is 31, try me

Reader: I shoot, I hope she can shoot back

---

Klee, sniffing Fyodor:

Fyodor:

Klee: you kinda smell

Fyodor: what the f-

Klee: like a baka

Fyodor:

Klee: eren yaeger

Reader, wheezing in the background:

----

I have to give credits to @/ratdoodoo666 on Twitter for a lot of these gold quotes but I just thought it was too fucking funny to pass up

Also I hope I did justice (hopefully) making this longer jdhdhdbd (although some of these might classify under offensive humor depending on how you see it?? Sorry in advance if they make you uncomfortable)

🐗 anon

HIIII 🐗 ANON I LIVE FOR THESEEE THNAK YOU FYODOR IS HERE 😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️ my meow meow mass murderer

i read through all of these n i loved the jenga one a lot

alllsooo dw u did not make me uncomfy in anyway hehe I loved rhese a lot u dont need to be concerned :)

#📩#🐗#thank u 🐗 anon :D

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orangerosebush · 4 years ago

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“How does one describe Artemis Fowl?” Artemis Fowl, Book 1, Page 1.

Although this quote from the first series sets the tone of Artemis being a character who is loath to be understood, what with how he “delights in not talking” about how it is he perceives himself to truly be, I want to attempt to answer this rhetorical question. After all, the quote serves as a bookend for the series — both the first and final book contain it.

In answering this question, I want to not answer “how does one describe Artemis Fowl?” but rather, “what is Artemis Fowl?” — the series, that is. I think now is a good time to answer this question, what with the first cycle of the series, the Artemis Fowl saga, being complete and the second cycle, the Fowl twins saga, beginning. In short, I want to ask: what context surrounds the book series being published? What are some important themes to the series? And what gives the book series its spark?

I first have to start this video essay by admitting that I was wrong in another essay: “A look into the role of Irish mythology as inspiration for Colfer's depiction of the People: an essay”. You can find this on fanfiction.net or on archive of our own under works by mentosmorii, by the way. The synopsis I provided for the essay is as follows: “Although Colfer has stated before that he has drawn from his knowledge of Irish mythology, he has never stated specifically which myths informed his writing. As someone with a bit of a background in Irish mythology, I have made a guess at some of the sources of inspiration, explained a couple of references within the series, and analyzed a few characters as having connections to Irish history/mythology.”

A lot of the content in that essay is correct, I feel I should say. However, an area where I misstep is here: “ Eoin Colfer has been asked about the influence of Irish mythology on his writing during various interviews, and his response is usually a sort of permutation of the above answer — ‘I grew up reading Irish myths and legends, [and] I… put… a spin on them’ (Colfer). He admits that he was influenced by Irish mythology, and this admission of influence is usually enough to get interviewers to move along to the next question. I’ve looked through many of the interviews that he’s done, and I think I can say with confidence that there is not currently any interview available in which an interviewer presses him to be more specific and point to the myths and legends in question by which he was influenced. In all likelihood, I think that this is because once Colfer confirms that he did, in fact, take inspiration from Irish mythology, the interviewers think of pop culture Celtic mythology and move on”.

The assertion that I made that was incorrect is about the interviewer moving on due to a lack of visibility of Irish myths. However, you also have to look at when the first book was published, which was in 2001. During the 90s to the early 2000s, Ireland was going through something called the “Celtic tiger”, which essentially means that there was an international market that was becoming quite interested in Irish culture, leading to the development of a new, commercially successful Celticism. Cormac MacRaois (pronounced: cormick Mccreesh) estimated, at the time of writing in 1997, that there were at least thirty books dedicated to the retellings of mythological tales on the children’s shelves of Irish bookshops, alongside a burgeoning quantity of contemporary fantasy drawing upon mythological sources for its characters and themes” (Irish Children’s Literature and Culture: New perspectives). Furthermore, in Mary Donohue’s unpublished 2003 MA thesis entitled “From Wexford to the arctic circle, a cultural journey”, she remarks that in a video interview, Colfer mentions that he had initially planned to publish a collection of Irish myths and legends, but that he abandoned this plan when he realized how many good collections were already in print (Donohoe, 2003, p. 24).

What I want to point out is that although the series was published at a time when there was increased interest in Irish mythology, it is interesting that Colfer deviates from the fairy tale and leans into the futuristic. What do I mean by this?

In many ways, the Artemis Fowl series, at least up until book 8, is more of a sci-fi than it is a fantasy. Which is a bold claim for me to make, I know!

However, a quote from book one in which Root is talking to Foaly as the LEP tries to plan how to get Holly back summarizes this seemingly paradoxical analysis of the series quite nicely: Science is taking the magic out of everything.

As Anna Bugajska (pronounced: ah-na boo-guy-ska) states in her essay "Human Magic", "Fairy Technology" : The Place of the Supernatural in the Age of Cyberculture, which is about the Artemis Fowl series: “Fairies deprived of natural wings use their artificial counterparts. Dwarves are practically walking machines. Invisibility is achieved by ‘shielding’. Artemis uses ‘human magic’ to heal a fairy [the sprite in Ho Chi Minh whom he gives a serum to help her alcohol dependence], but must rack his brains to escape ‘fairy technology’. The convergence point comes at the search for a Booke of Magick and at a failed Ritual performance… In the world where fairies rely on blasters and bio-bombs to take out their enemies, is there any place for good ol’ magic? Or is it by any chance homogenous with “man-made magic”, that is technology?”.

The fact that the people seem to rely more on technology than on magic is important to the parallels that the series establishes between humanity and the fae — in many ways, the two societies are two sides of the same coin. In many ways, you could even take Root’s comment about “Science taking the magic out of everything” as the same sort of thing your boss, or teacher, or any older person, really, might say when presented with new technology that they don’t quite yet understand. It seems like their society also suffers from the same anxieties older humans have about technology progressing and leaving previous generations in the dust.

The fact that the book series seems to be more of a sci-fi than a fantasy is important for two reasons, the first one of which is discussed in Elizabeth Parsons’ essay “Fowl Play: Artemis Fowl, Sitting Ducks, and politics for children” and the second of which is discussed in Patricia Kennan’s essay “Contemplating Otherness, imagining the future” . The first perspective, Parsons’, which I do agree with, is that the book brings up parallels between the People and humanity that suggest that the fairies are just as guilty of the environmental issues and social injustice that they like to critique humans for. The second perspective, which I do not necessarily fully agree with but that I find interesting, Kennan’s perspective, is on whether or not Artemis Fowl series “feels” Irish because of this emphasis on the sci-fi over the myth.

Let’s first address Parsons’ argument. Parsons argues that there is no real, discernible difference between the two worlds that share the planet — “Technological advances drive humanity’s destruction of the earth’s surface as much as they [drive] the spread of fairy civilization underground” (Parsons). In fact, Parsons points to the enormous sum of gold at the center of the conflict in book one as evidence that the People are not as innocent of this kind of environmental destruction as they would like to think. After all, you cannot mine gold from the earth without having some kind of negative impact on the planet. Whether it’s from how you might destabilize the ground as you mine, or the pollutants you may release, or even the effect that comes with removing the gold from its natural place in the earth, you cannot escape the fact that Faeries likely also have a history of troubling environmental impacts to answer for. There is also the fact that fairy society is *extremely* developed and industrialized. Just as how the presence of gold presents the question of how the People acquired that wealth, the technology the people have presents the question of how did they develop said tech. You can’t go from a building the wheel to building a neutrino gun — there was likely an industrial revolution in which the People engaged in unclean energy practices as they developed their understanding of how to engineer. And this concern is supported by the text!

In book one, Holly is talking about two mechanical wing types that the LEP uses — the older models called the Dragonflies and the newer models called the Hummingbirds. The book says the following: “Holly unhooked a set of wings from their bracket... Dragonflies. She hated that model. Gas engine, if you believe it... Now the Hummingbird Z7, that was transport. Whisper silent, with a satellite-bounced solar battery that would fly you twice around the world. But there were budget cuts again.” (pp. 50-51).

Perhaps the People may like to argue that they are more environmentally evolved than humanity, and sure, they are, but they’re far from being as innocent in the exploitation of earth than they’d like to think — they still use gas engines, after all!

But that’s just from an environmental point of view. Socially, there is also little difference between the progress of the People and humanity. Honestly, in some aspects, the people are farther behind, what with how Holly mentions being the first woman to be hired to her position even though the book opens at the start of the 21st century. And although Holly understands that others assuming she is less capable on the basis of her gender is both illogical and prejudiced, she herself falls into similar lines of thinking in books 1 and 2. She certainly makes some unkind assumptions regarding how she thinks her coworker Lilli, an attractive woman, was hired because the recruiter fancied Lili. Which, knowing the rather old-fashioned beliefs the LEP higher-ups have regarding women, could be the case! Yet the way she specifically talks about Lili makes it clear she does not see a potential ally against mistreatment in the office — Lili is someone who, in unkind moments, Holly privately kind of sees as an acceptable target of workplace gossip. And Holly, to be fair, grows out of this mindset by the final book — she still doesn’t like Lili, but she’s matured past the point of engaging in making harmful assumptions about her coworker.

And beyond this, Holly also in book one falls into patterns of making assumptions about the various different groups of fairies in Haven. For example, she implies in her first encounter with Mulch that his rapscallion behavior and petty crimes are kind of linked to the fact he’s dwarf. And she certainly doesn’t treat him well in book 1 — she zaps him when he makes a move to pick-pocket despite the fact the situation could have been de-escalated with initial action other than violence. Again, she moves beyond this way thinking by the final book. Yet the society the society she lived in, no matter how much she values things like justice and equality, still influenced her to make judgment calls that either are solely about another person’s identity, such as her comments about Lili, or that tie someone’s behavior to their identity, such as how she links Mulch’s behavior to the fact he is a dwarf. Holly isn’t the problem — the society is.

This is why you have Mulch’s later quote that “I’d rather trust a bunch of humans not to hunt a species to extinction than trust an LEP consultant” (177). Here, the first book kind of hits you over the head with the message: both of the societies, human and fairy, have issues of inequality and environmental abuse built into them. They both suck!

Holly, I think wakes up to this fact at the end of book 4 following the fact that Sool and the council valued money and power over bringing Opal to justice for her murder of Root. After this, she has a more nuanced perspective on ideas of justice and what means to want justice. A line that sticks out to me is from book 8 when she’s thinking about what she wants for Opal. She brings up the fact that at one point, she would have wanted Opal to suffer as she had. However, what Holly wants by the 8th book is for the suffering to stop, period. She doesn’t want to seek justice by humiliating or hurting Opal, what she wants is Opal to no longer be capable of hurting others. And this doesn’t mean that Holly no longer hates Opal, because she unequivocally does. But the cycle of Opal hurting others, the LEP hurting Opal, and then Opal coming back to enact vengeance again, and again, and again, is something that Holly wants to end. She no longer wants to engage in this cycle.

To circle back to my original point, this is why the series relying on sci-fi more than the more magical elements of fairy society is important: by showing us fairies that evolved past the role they would fill in myths, which is more nature-based, Colfer is able to talk about technology in human society, both good and bad, and human society itself, both good and bad. This different depiction of fairies and a more sci-fi plot was what made the story stand when it was being marketed, but it is also interestingly a point of criticism that is invoked when talking about whether or not the story “feel” Irish.

This is the second point of criticism that I discussed earlier is in Patricia Kennan’s essay “Contemplating Otherness, imagining the future”. She doesn’t think blending sci-fi and fantasy is negative — that would be an uncharitable reading of her essay. She even states in the essay that, “the most successful writers of science fantasy, however, have been able to stretch the parameters of both kinds of minds [the fantasy and technological], a feat to be admired”.

She talks about the blending of both mythic and realistic narratives, as well as that mixture’s popularity in recent Irish children’s science fiction. This idea of hybrid forces, the fantasy and the realistic, is attractive, she suggests, because of the chaos contained in their tension in the narrative. It’s for the same reason, perhaps, that fiction containing elements like vampires, that straddle the boundary between night and day, alive and dead, animal and human, is popular, as they contain interesting and allure characteristics while also being horrifying and repulsive.

(Side note: the idea of “otherness” and the human and the magical intersecting is very interesting as an aesthetic when one considers that one of the most influential vampire novels, Dracula, was written by an Irish author and that many of the aesthetics associated with Dracula also fit neatly with Artemis — this further underlines that he straddles the line between good and bad, human and magical, technology and fantasy in the way he seems to be a hybrid of gothic literature aesthetics dressed up in a modern, sci-fi package. I’m gonna end my sidenote here).

However, Kennan points to the plot and setting of the story as perhaps being why the series does feel very grounded in its Irish roots. The essay quotes Celia Keenan, saying: “all sense of the national and local have been eradicated [from the series]. Speech rhythms are entirely mid-Atlantic. No Hiberno-English or Wexford uses are evident. Landscape has become virtual”.

In some ways, I can see her point. Artemis Fowl is a very James Bond-type series in that it tries to invent settings rather than borrowing from existing reference points to place itself. A good example of this would be the fact that Fowl manor and Artemis’ school, Saint Bartleby’s, never are placed concretely within specific locations in Ireland. There might be a sense that Saint Bartleby’s is near Wexford or that the manor is near Dublin, but what proximity might mean (such as showing neighbors, classmates, and descriptions of the setting) is often avoided: the main characters and settings that are explored are often more international, such as Minerva and Spiro being French and American respectively, and the series often taking place in Haven or locations related to it. However, I think that there are at least some references that make the book still feel grounded as being Irish — I go into this in my other essay, but I can recap. There are specific references to Irish mythology and history, even if things like modern Irish history, side characters beyond the Butlers and Fowls that are Irish, and slang or dialect specific to different parts of Ireland aren’t referenced frequently.

So to summarize this point, the series does play with the trappings of a James Bond series in the sense that the setting bounces around enough that perhaps Ireland isn’t at the center always, and I think that this is a function of how Colfer writes sci-fi instead of something that destabilizes the sense of the where and when of the series. For instance, a big example of pop culture that Colfer references is the Matrix, albeit in a sneaky way. Celia Keenan (who is also quoted Kennon’s essay) wrote the article “Who’s afraid of the bad little Fowl?” which serves as a book review and a look into whether or not one could call the series ‘art’. When talking about references the book makes to pop culture, she writes: “It is possible that the film which has most influenced the ‘‘Fowl’’ books is The Matrix (1999). It depicts two worlds, the computer-controlled world of the matrix itself in which humans function as duped slaves, and the world of human resistance fighters who, like Colfer’s fairies, have been forced to create an alternative home called Zion, in the bowels of the earth. The term ‘‘recon unit’’, echoed in Colfer’s LEPrecon, figures in the Matrix. Colfer actually parodies quotations from The Matrix on a few occasions. For example, in The Matrix one of the characters says to the hero, ‘‘Buckle your seat belt, Dorothy, because Kansas is going ‘bye bye’’’; likewise, Root says to Artemis, ‘‘Hate to tell you this, Dorothy, but you ain’t in Kansas anymore’, in Artemis Fowl: the Arctic Incident (p. 63). Another Matrix quip—‘‘never send a human to do a machine’s job’’ (Wachowski, 1999), is parodied by Mulch: ‘‘Tell Foaly not to send a Mud Man to do a fairy’s job’’. In this instance, the narrator emphasizes the cinematic origins of the quotation: ‘‘‘Oh dear,’ thought Artemis, rubbing his brow, ‘Hollywood had a lot to answer for’’’(Colfer, 2002, p. 208).”

The creators of the Matrix, the Wachowski sisters, were pretty influenced by a philosopher named Jean Baudrillard (pronounced: Bow-dree-ard), even if Baudrillard didn’t particularly think their work was grounded in his theory. Baudrillard was undeniably a smart man, but he was also kind of a prick. Make of that what you will. But for those who aren’t familiar with his work or the Matrix itself, these works deal with themes of technology, reality, and the future of our society. To go back to Artemis Fowl, I think the series engages with these themes through both the allusion to Matrix and through the themes of the series itself. Although the series of Artemis Fowl many not engage specifically with many of Baudrillard’s theories, it does engage with similar philosophical concepts about sci-fi and the self.

One particular example of this is how the series (maybe unintentionally) engages with Gilbert Ryle, who was a British philosopher, and his concept of ‘mind-body-dualism’; Ryle came up with the idea of human existence being the tale of ‘a ghost within a machine’, or our sense of self-existing in a separate, physical shell. To simplify, this essentially points out the fact that what we view as being our “us”, our personalities, our inner thoughts, our perception of ourselves, is often separate from our bodies — when I think of who “I” am, I think of my “mind” rather than “body”, and this is exactly what the dualism Ryle pointed out gets at. Often, sci-fi seeks to explore what if this barrier dissolved — such as what if with the evolution of the mind, there was also an evolution of the body, and whether this could be achieved through things like AI, cyborgs, and so on. To go back to Anna Bugajska’s work, she wrote an essay entitled “Artemis Fowl: Posthumanism for teens” that tackles this within the series.

Which admittedly is a bit of a mouthful of a title! It sounds complicated — and it is, it definitely is.

But it is interesting. To go back to the idea of transformation and Artemis Fowl, the series deals with this theme quite a bit. To quote Bugajska: “What naturally could develop into a coming-of-age cycle, swerves into the direction of a transformation, calling into question human nature and individual identity in the age of the morphological freedom, mind uploads, bioengineering, and hybronauts…[the series explores ideas of transformation as a result of a desire to seek previously unaccessible power, but it also explores the idea in the context of the mind and body becoming one in how an impact one must result in an impact of the other].

A prominent example of those who went too far in their quest for [transformative] perfection are Briar Cudgeon, an LEP officer, and Opal Koboi, a genius pixie inventor. Cudgeon, embittered by professional conflict, sought the cognitive enhancement through the use of drugs. As a result, “the tranquilizer had reacted badly with some banned mind- accelerating substances the former acting-commander had been experimenting with. Cudgeon was left with a forehead like melted tar... Ugly and demoted, not a great combination” (Colfer 2003a: 77). [In this case, his desire for power causes his downfall, such as how he tried to enhance his abilities past his limit with the mind-accelerating drug that ended up reacting with the tranquilizer. However, this is also an example of the barrier between the body and the mind dissolving, as Cudgeon’s internal ‘ugliness’, such as his hunger for power, deceitfulness, and disregard for others’, is reflected in his physical form through his overindulgence in substances he uses to try to get around his natural limits.]

In the case of Opal Koboi, we can observe a conscious attempt to transform from one being to another. She has her pointy ears operated upon to give them human shape. What is more, she implants in her brain a human pituitary gland to provoke the secretion of the growth hormone (Colfer 2005: 173–174). She even goes as far as extracting substances from various animals to enhance her magic (Colfer 2011a: 263, 270). All these attempts in the end cost her her sanity (Colfer 2012: 36) and her magic powers, which is especially well visible in the fourth book of the cycle, Opal Deception (Colfer 2005: 329).

On the other hand, the changes in identity must necessarily be reflected in the alterations of at least some parts of the body. Thus, Artemis’s father, a former criminal boss, loses his leg [as he undergoes a sort of transformation after the deal Artemis holds in order to rescue his father from a hostage situation. Beforehand, he might have been a cruel, distant father, but now he has changed. He has become a new man, and in doing so, his body has been altered as well in the loss of a leg and the gaining of a prosthesis] (Colfer 2003b: 80–81). Artemis himself, as he grows from a calculating rationalist to a globally-responsible, empathic man, earns a few body modifications. And although he does not seek them, he does not attempt to get rid of them, instinctively hoarding as much of the “fairness” as he can get. For instance, in The Lost Colony, where Artemis and his friend Holly Short of the LEP travel through a time-tunnel, first his fingers are switched, then he swaps an eye with Holly, and finally he steals some of the fairy magic, which grants him limited healing and regeneration powers. He also gains three years during the travel: in his own time he has to pose as a seventeen-year-old (Colfer 2007: 371)”.

In essence, you have both people seeking to perfect the body in order to match the goals of mind, such as Opal trying to steal new types of magic, and then you have Artemis switching eyes with Holly, representing a more benign example of the body changing to match the mind, as switching eyes represents that he has literally switched perspectives and can see things through her eyes as a result of their friendship. And in the end of the series, you also have Artemis being reborn into a clone — he has changed so much from his self at the beginning of the series, it is like his past self is dead, and his moral rebirth is reflected literally in him being given a new body free of the constraints of the mistakes he made before his passing, such as kidnapping Holly or endangering Butler on multiple occasions.

This I suppose covers most of the grounds that I wanted to in this essay. I talked about the context of the book series being published, the themes, the characters, and the philosophical questions posed by the text.

I don’t know if answered my original question of “what is Artemis Fowl?” — I think I’ll always have something to say about the series. But this puts words to a lot of thoughts I’ve had, and it’s nice to at least have it all there, I suppose. Thanks for listening, and if you have questions, leave me a comment here on on the ao3 version of the essay [x]-- or send me an ask!

#artemis fowl #my writing #my post #hi im zoe and i love making poorly conceived essays abt my interests

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mobilemechanicsabq · 4 years ago

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If your current wheel is damaged beyond repair or you need assistance with the installation of a new wheel, allow our staff to help.Mobile Mechanics of Albuquerque, We can assist you in finding the right wheel for your tire-wheel assembly, and we can aid you with all your wheel purchase and installation questions and needs. Our staff understands not all wheels are right for all vehicles. When you are ready to begin the wheel purchasing process, Mobile Mechanics of Albuquerque,we can help you identify wheels with hub diameters that fit your vehicle’s axle. We will also assist you in finding wheels that have the correct bolt patterns for your vehicle. If you are in the market for a more striking wheel, we can help you with finding the right design. Whatever type of wheel you ultimately purchase, our dedicated and friendly staff is happy to help you with installation.

We proudly service the Wheel Purchase & Wheel Installation needs of customers in Albuquerque NM and surrounding areas.

What is a Wheel Alignment and Their 4 Main Benefits

Computerized Alignment DoylestownPeople know the term ‘wheel alignment’ and surely most people can figure out, in a general sense, what it is. Yet, most people don’t know what a wheel alignment actually is and why they are so important.

There are many clues to understanding when your wheels are out of alignment. The most obvious one is when you have to keep your steering wheel slightly (or more than slightly) turned in order to go straight down the road. You can also feel wobbling in the steering wheel as you drive the car. Other, less obvious signs include uneven or spotty wear on your tires or reduced fuel economy.

These are all important signs to pay attention to as the implications or driving without proper alignment can put a pretty serious dent in your wallet.

So What is a Wheel Alignment?

Car Wheel Installation-In-Store Service near Albuquerque NM: Simply put, a wheel alignment is the act of correcting the direction and overall position of the wheels so that they are all pointing in the same direction and resting flat on the ground. The car is put on a lift and sensors are placed on the rims of the wheels. The car is then slowly rolled forward on the lift, followed by a couple turns of the steering wheel. The rolling and turning motions are scanned by the digital alignment system and the results are collected and printed out for both the technician and customer. Once the issues are identified on the readout, your technician can make the necessary adjustments to get all your wheels in alignment. A second digital scan is performed to confirm that all the changes were made.

Why are Wheel Alignments So Important?

● Reduced Tire Wear

Wheels that are out of alignment causes the tires to wear unevenly. Looking at the graph above, you can see that camber issues, as an example, cause the tires to wear to one side of the tread. If left uncorrected, your tires will need to be replaced in half the time.

● Improved Handling

A car with wheels in proper alignment is safer and easier to drive. If your wheel pulls to one side and shakes, it is not only annoying but can affect your reaction time should you need to maneuver around hazards. Uneven tread wear also means compromised handling and tire performance. The treads cannot handle rain or short stopping nearly as well since it is relying on only a part of the tire tread.

● Better Gas Mileage

Friction is your car's worst enemy. The more friction created while a car is in motion, the harder your engine (and its parts) need to work to keep your car rolling. Looking at the graph again, if your tires have toe in/out issues, you can see how easily it is to lose a lot of efficiency to tires that are not in proper alignment. Better fuel efficiency can mean hundreds of dollars saved at the pump over time.

● Safer Driving

Most of this has already been covered in our previous points, such as tire performance issues, reaction time, etc. It is also important to cover other areas where safety can be improved.

Wheels that are out of alignment cause excess stress on suspension parts, such as shocks and struts. Your car is designed to take impact straight and when you hit bumps in the road, your car’s suspension is working overtime. Suspension issues can be identified during and a wheel alignment to check on worn or compromised parts. It is important to ask your mechanic if a suspension check is included with this service.

The experts at Mobile Mechanics of Albuquerquehave the very best in digital alignment technology and the skills to get you back on the road safe and sound. Their digital readouts are accurate and fast, so you don’t need to spend all day at the shop.

Talk to a service writer today about coming in for a digital alignment check or to add a comprehensive wheel alignment and suspension check to your next visit with our team.

Scheduling an appointment at Mobile Mechanics of Albuquerque has never been easier.

TIPS

Car Wheel Installation-In-Store Service near Albuquerque NM: Mounting a wheel seems simple enough. Pop it on, use a torque wrench to tighten the lug nuts, and you’re good to go. But this step is a lot more crucial than you think. You want to be sure the wheel is mounted correctly and maintained properly to increase safety at the wheel end. We have a few simple tips that can help you make sure your wheels are road-ready.

Making sure that your wheels are installed properly is crucial for your fleet, their safety, and the safety of the other drivers on the road. Having a wheel-off can be the outcome of a bad installation but can be easily avoided. Did you know: Common causes of wheel-offs include problems with fasteners or bearings. A failed bearing could be due to improper installation, over- or under-tightening, or a loss of lubricant. Wheel fasteners can become loose over time, especially if installed incorrectly. Some causes include excess rust, paint, or dirt that build up and cause a loss of clamping force on the wheel nuts. Keeping fasteners clean is vitally important in maintaining the force that keeps tires in place. Clamping force may also be reduced through incorrect torquing, tightening sequences, or routine torque checks.

COST

How much does it cost to put rims on a car?

Car Wheel Installation-In-Store Service near Albuquerque NM: Most typical your cost would be between $150 and $400 per rim on a set of pretty cool wheels.

Expect to pay: $90 to $150 for the most complicated vehicles (think Mercedes AMG for the top of the price range).

Yes, you really should get an alignment with those new tires. Consider the long-term cost of not getting the alignment when you really need one: a misaligned car burns through tires much faster, meaning you will be right back where you started in as little as half the time you should be. Furthermore, riding on a misaligned car can wear out your suspension faster and makes for an uncomfortable ride. Alignment is a smart, safe long-term investment.

We’d pay: $90. That is pretty standard for an ordinary passenger car. The higher end is for vehicles with specific needs.

Fortunately for you, few tire and auto service centers make a killing from installing car tires. Most of their income comes by way of more detailed work. That’s not to say that replacing a tire is something that just anyone can do. A fully capable auto repair shop should be equipped with expensive machinery necessary to remove your old tire from its rim and the installation of its replacement. In addition to that, there are balancing machines that ensure your tire spins smoothly on the road. But the actual physical act of replacing a single tire isn’t that time consuming. Therefore most shops only tack on a minimal charge.

For installation and balancing, you can expect to pay anywhere from $20 to $35 per tire. By taking your vehicle into a wholesale club store like Costco, you can actually get out the door for even less. And in most cases, the costs include free rotation services and a road-hazard warranty to offer protection against future flats and accidental damage.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Why is Proper Wheel Installation Important?

Car Wheel Installation-In-Store Service near Albuquerque NM: Making sure that your wheels are installed properly is crucial for your fleet, their safety, and the safety of the other drivers on the road. Having a wheel-off can be the outcome of a bad installation but can be easily avoided. Did you know: Common causes of wheel-offs include problems with fasteners or bearings. A failed bearing could be due to improper installation, over- or under-tightening, or a loss of lubricant. Wheel fasteners can become loose over time, especially if installed incorrectly. Some causes include excess rust, paint, or dirt that build up and cause a loss of clamping force on the wheel nuts. Keeping fasteners clean is vitally important in maintaining the force that keeps tires in place. Clamping force may also be reduced through incorrect torquing, tightening sequences, or routine torque checks.

I entered my vehicle and I don’t see the tire I want, even though it shows it’s made in my size.

Most likely the tire doesn’t meet the vehicle manufacturer’s minimum load/speed rating. This is important because it determines whether the tire can handle the weight, and the potential top speed, of your vehicle.

Do you have free shipping?

Yes! Shipping is free on all tires, whether you ship to your home or a local installer.

We can offer free, fast delivery because we use our own fleet of Tire Buyer trucks. Our trucks deliver right from our local warehouse to the installer in just 1-2 days. It may take a little longer to get to your home.

Will my tires/wheels ship out today?

It depends on the time of your order, but most of our orders are processed and shipped out within 24 business hours.

When will my tires arrive?

You can check your order’s shipping status on our website. Most of our orders are shipped within 24 business hours of ordering. If the order is being shipped via FedEx, the tracking information will show an estimated delivery date.

With same-day delivery, can I get my tires installed the same day?

Same-day delivery is available on many tires, but unfortunately we can’t promise same-day installation. The tires will be delivered to the installer in the late afternoon, and many installers will already be booked with appointments for the day. We suggest you call the installer after you place the order. Let them know that you selected same-day delivery, and you’d like to schedule installation as soon as possible.

CALL FOR US:

● Car Wheel Installation-In-Store Service Near Albuquerque NM

● Rim Installation

● Wheel Installation Cost

● Install Tires At Home

● How To Install A Tire On A Rim By Hand

● How To Install New Rims

● How To Install Tires

● Car Rims

● Bought Tires Online Where To Install Near Albuquerque NM

● Rim Installation Cost

● Average Cost Of Tires And Installation

● Cost To Change Tires On Rims

● Wheel Alignment Cost

● How Much Does It Cost To Replace One Tire

● Tire Installation Cost

● How Much Does It Cost To Change A Flat Tire

● Car Wheel Alignment Cost Near Albuquerque NM

BEST CAR WHEEL INSTALLATION-IN-STORE SERVICE IN ALBUQUERQUE NM

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gvbejvmes · 4 years ago

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Drabble: The Present

Title: Fridays with CeCe Rating: PG-13 Characters: Gabriel James-Michaels, Bella James-Michaels, Constance James, Miss Alison, Andrew James, Maxxie Turner, Jonathan James-Michaels (mentioned), Velvet Starr (mentioned), Tommy “Kid” Kidderro (mentioned) Relationship: Implied Gabriel James-Michaels/Jonathan James-Michaels, Andrew James/Maxxie Turner, past Andrew James/Velvet Starr Warnings: Implied drug use and child endangerment, mentions of canon murder and incorrect medical diagnoses Summary: Twice a month Bella had a playdate at social services.

Twice a month Bella had a playdate at social services. She called it her ‘CeCe Day.’ He or Jay would take her down there, and she would bounce excitedly in their arms as she told them about all the things she wanted to do while she was there. It was always on a Friday, and it was always four hours in the morning. When they picked her up, she would either chatter on and on at 100mph about what she and her CeCe had done or she would be mopey because her CeCe showed up late or forgot about their playdate. Mostly she loved Playdate Days. Gabe, on the other hand, despised them.

While he and Johnny called them ‘Playdate Days,’ they’d never actually explained to Bella what they were. They would when she was older, but for now, she was too young to understand. All she knew was that her Mommy’s name was CeCe (well, Constance, but she chose to call her CeCe), and she had a standing playdate with her every other Friday. She never asked why it was always in the same room. And she never asked why Miss Alison, their caseworker, was always there. She only knew that she only got to see CeCe in a certain place at a certain time - the specifics didn’t bother her yet. Bella was three months old when Gabe got the call from social services asking if he could take custody of his granddaughter; she didn’t know any other life than this one.

Like most ‘Playdate Days,’ Gabe arrived a half hour early to pick Bella up. He didn’t know why he did it. Sometimes it was because he was already in the area and didn’t want to stray too far away. Other times it was because he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Today it was a combination of the two. He still needed to go to the art store to pick up a couple of brushes he had custom ordered, but something in his gut had told him to stop by the social services building first.

Instead of going in right away and sitting in the waiting room, he went around to the back of the building to the designated smoking area first - and that was when he saw her.

Constance James was skinny in a way that didn’t look natural. She had definition around her collarbone and chest that reminded Gabe of bird bones. It was like her body didn’t know how to retain fat or muscle tissue on that part of her body. She almost looked concave, but Gabe wouldn’t go quite that far. Her skin didn’t sit quite right on her bones - like she’d lost weight too quickly and her skin tried to conform to her body, but failed. It didn’t hang, but it didn’t look entirely normal either.

Her long blonde hair was streaked with black dye and was pulled back into a severe ponytail at the crown of her head. A cigarette was dangling from her lips as she texted rapidly on her phone. Her nails were short, and the cuticles looked picked at. Chipped nail polish caught the sunlight as her fingers moved across the screen.

She must have seen him approach because she suddenly groaned and put her phone away. “Did they call you?” She asked as she pulled the cigarette out of her mouth. Her foot was pressed against the side of the building, which made Gabe think of a flamingo for some reason.

“Should they have called me, Connie?” He asked his daughter as he pulled out his own cigarette and lit up. He leaned against the wall near her, knowing better by now than to try to have direct eye contact with his estranged daughter.

She shrugged and took a long drag of her cigarette. She looked better than the last time he had seen her. A lot of the time she ducked out before Gabe could get a good look at her. Today she was wearing jeans that actually fit without falling off her hips, and a thick gray sweater that fell off her shoulder, but that looked like it was the style and not the size. She looked healthier than the last time he’d seen her. Of all the things to have inherited, she inherited her mother’s terrible parenting and her grandfather’s temper and addiction.

“I dunno. They always seem to call you when I fuck up.” She admitted. “Ari kicked me out of the room.”

That was going to be a fun conversation with the case worker. He nodded and took a drag, using the time to think about what to say to that. “She prefers being called Bella.” He finally settled on.

Connie finished her cigarette and dropped the butt onto the ground before pushing off the wall. “No, you prefer Bella. She’s three. She’ll answer to any name I call her.” And with that his daughter started walking back towards the street. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

He watched his daughter walk away before finishing his cigarette and sanitizing his hands. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but they both knew she wouldn’t listen. Pushing all thoughts of his daughter away, he went inside to pick up Bella. And sure enough, as soon as he walked into the waiting room, the receptionist led him into a conference room to wait for the caseworker.

“Mr. James-Michaels.” Miss Alison greeted him. And it was Miss Alison. He’d tried just calling her Alison once and she nearly bit his head off. His husband said it was a Child Services/Social Worker thing and to just roll with it.

“Miss Alison.” He greeted in return, watching as she sat down at the table across from him. “I ran into Connie outside.”

The younger woman’s face paled. “Did she tell you what happened?” She pulled out her tablet and Gabe knew from experience that she was pulling up their file.

“Just that Bella threw her out of the room. And that she’s trying to make ‘Ari’ happen.”

Miss Alison sighed. “I put in a call to the judge. We may have to terminate her visitation for a couple of weeks.” It looked like she was looking for the best way to explain to Gabe what happened. Technically there was video footage, but Gabe hated watching it and Miss Alison knew that.

“Miss James has once again refused to follow the rules of visitation. She was thirty minutes late, she insisted on referring to Bella as Ari, even after both myself and Bella asked her to refrain, and she once again told Bella she was going to buy a house and take her away from you. It was at that point that Bella screamed and asked her to go away. We escorted Miss James out immediately. It’s become very clear that the current arrangement is not conducive to Bella’s wellbeing. You and your husband will likely get a summons within the next week or so with a court date to meet with Judge Murphy again.”

Before Gabe could respond, there was a knock on the door, and one of the assistants popped their head into the room. “Sorry, Bella kept asking me to call you. When I let her know you were already here, she demanded to see you because and I quote ‘the connatution says so.’” And he looked like he was trying so hard not to laugh.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “That she definitely got from my husband.” He dug around in his satchel and pulled out a package of freeze dried apple slices and tossed them at the assistant before pulling off his beanie and tossing that to him as well. “Those should tide her over until I’m done in here.” He promised. “I have to go over my and my husband’s availability for the next couple of weeks with Miss Alison.”

By the time Gabe finished his conversation and went to the other room to collect Bella, she was standing by the door, coat on and his beanie shoved down over her wild hair. “Took you long enough, GG.” She complained as he signed her out and carried her out of the building. “You dunno what I had to deal with today.”

His granddaughter was definitely three going on forty-seven.

After going to pick up his custom brushes, they headed over to the Collective so they could drop them off in his studio and because there were some orders he apparently needed to authorize. As soon as they walked inside, Bella told him she wanted to watch ‘the spinning’. He had no idea what she was talking about, until they walked to the classroom and he saw Maxxie running his beginning pottery class. Bella scampered off to sit near Maxxie and watch him move his clay around. Somehow he had a feeling she was going to wind up covered in clay - again. Shaking his head, he walked out of the classroom to find Andrew James sitting at the reception desk.

His son was twenty-six years old and all dark hair and tan skin. There was something about his hair that reminded Gabe of how his hair had been when he was his age. It was long and hung in his eyes - all the damn time. He was broad-shouldered, but was constantly hunching in on himself. It was like he was trying to make himself smaller everywhere he went. If he had to describe his son in one word, it would be skittish.

He spent years on medication he didn’t need after he claimed that he saw aliens take his aunt away. It wasn’t until he was older that he finally saw a therapist who saw his story for what it was: a way for his brain to comprehend a horrible thing he’d witnessed. Unfortunately by that time, he’d already spent years on medication he never needed and the side effects were irreversible. Thankfully the worst of it was memory loss and shaky hands.

“What are you doing working today?” He asked curiously as he gestured for his son to let him onto the computer. His son had been working at the Collective since he moved to New York. He’d made it clear he didn’t want any handouts, but he’d connected so well with the others at the Collective that it was strange to think about him working anywhere else. “I thought you refused to work on days Maxxie and Velvet were working.”

He’d dated both Velvet and Maxxie and now tried to avoid both of them whenever he could. His relationship with Velvet hadn’t been all that serious. As soon as he found out Velvet slept in a coffin, he was out. Maxxie, on the other hand, had been very serious. They’d dated for six months, which was the longest he’d ever seen his friend in a relationship. It had ended badly, to say the very least. He wasn’t entirely sure what happened between them, but fire had been involved somehow.

Drew made a face as he perched on the desk, shoulders hunched over and ankles crossed. “That’s not true.” He lied. “I traded shifts with Kid. He had his first GED prep class today.”

Gabe smiled at that. It had taken Tommy long enough. He pulled up the order he needed to review. There were still things he needed to do up in his office, but knowing that his son was working made him want to stay downstairs with him for as long as he could get away with it.

“CJ texted me.” Drew said after a long moment. “She wanted me to talk some ‘sense’ into you.”

He rolled his eyes. “And how’s that going for you?” While Connie didn’t talk to him, she still talked to her brother, but mostly only when she needed something. Drew, for his part, didn’t take sides. He loved his sister despite her faults, but he also knew how she was and what was best for his niece.

Before Drew could respond, Maxxie’s voice came from the classroom. “Pookie! Can you come get your little sister?! She’s throwing clay on the ground.” And nothing about that surprised him except for…

“Pookie?” He mouthed at his son, eyebrow raised. Maybe there was more to Drew working today than just taking Tommy’s shift.

His son blushed as he hopped off the desk. “That’s the part you’re focusing on? Not the fact that he keeps calling my niece my sister?” He grumbled out. “I’ll watch Bella; just go work.” He waved a hand in his dad’s direction.

As his son disappeared into the classroom and he could hear Bella squealing in delight, he couldn’t help but to mouth out again: “Pookie?”

#drabble #pairing: Gabe/Johnny #pairing: Drew/Maxxie

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solacefruit · 5 years ago

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Hi Grey, I struggle a lot with world building and I think it's easiest for me to learn by example. I was wondering if you had any books or series you'd recommend that you thought did particularly well in the world building department or that you found inspiring. I'm trying to start building a list of things to read, could be any genre

Hello there and thank you for your patience! I’ll be honest, this one’s a challenge to answer, but I’ll do my best. I’ll put it all under a read-more, because I’m going to talk a lot about why I feel these books are good places for thinking about world-building.

Northern Lights, by Philip Pullman. (fantasy)

This one comes up a lot when I’m making recommendations and that’s because I love it. For me, it was deeply formative in many ways, and especially when it came to world-building, because Pullman uses a style of world-building which really clicks for me--which is basically throwing your reader into a world and not explaining much at all, leaving many things gestured at but never explicitly said. Things just happen, things just are, and the reader has to keep up. There’s a lot that goes unsaid in this book, and it means you as a reader have to start thinking and “solving” the gaps in the world yourself. There’s room for speculation and I thrive in that environment, and lean on it heavily in my own work.

A great example of that comes in the first chapter of the novel, on the fifth page and then again on the seventh:

“As Lyra held her breath she saw the servant’s daemon (a dog, like almost all servants’ daemons) trot in and sit quietly at his feet...” - page five. “... and said something to his daemon. He was a servant, so she was a dog; but a superior servant, so a superior dog. In fact, she had the form of a red setter.” - page seven.

That’s good oblique storytelling, because you are told so much and simultaneously so little. From these two tiny pieces, you now know that:

servants usually have dog-shaped daemons

some daemons, even within a family, are “better” than others

daemons mean something about their person

But these pieces tell you enough that you can now speculate and question the world as you read on. Things like:

why do servants have dog daemons?

what makes a red setter daemon better than another dog daemon?

what does a dog daemon mean?

what is the hierarchical system of daemons, who is better than whom?

are people sorted because of their daemons, or do the daemons reflect where the person is sorted to after the fact?

what do other daemons mean?

are these meanings innate or cultural?

The book itself will directly answer maybe one or two questions, hint at a few others, and leave many completely unresolved. But that’s not bad world-building. For me, that’s the kind of world-building I love best. The book can now say, “this person’s daemon is a butterfly,” and you will be primed to read symbolism and significance into that, even in moments where the book itself doesn’t give you any. You’re a participant in creating the world as you read. A little goes a long way.

The Discworld novels, by Terry Pratchett. (fantasy, comedy) If you’re trying to pick a first book, start here.

And now for something completely different. Pratchett’s Discworld is an absurdist world, created to satirise fantasy tropes and play as the stage for social and political commentary. What makes Discworld so interesting as a place to learn about world-building is that it is a world that doesn’t take chronology or “consistency” or “authenticity” seriously. Where a lot of fantasy writers will stress over making sure every detail lines up, and their fans will often get very upset if they find anything “inconsistent” or “incorrect”, Pratchett’s world entirely rejects that way of doing things. Pratchett commented:

“[S]ometimes I even forget [...] where things are ... I don’t think [...] even the most rabid fan expects complete consistency within Discworld, because in Ankh-Morpork you have what is apparently a Renaissance city, but with elements of early Victorian England, and the medieval world is still hanging on. It’s in a permanent state of turmoil, which is very interesting for the author.” (quoted in Hills, Guilty of Literature).

There’s something very liberated and fluid in how Discworld forms, because it’s such a committed pastiche, but it doesn’t at all (at least, for me) undercut believing in the characters or story. I adore Discworld and its characters. I think it’s very valuable to read if you’re in fantasy writing (or speculative fiction in general), because it’s easy to fall into thinking that unless you make everything Perfect and Realistic and Consistent, your world-building isn’t good.

Something else about Discworld worth noting is that, despite being absurd and fluid, it is also grounded in the real. Pratchett’s world is in turmoil, but it includes sewer systems, passages of trade and commerce, and a pervasive sense of the civic life happening and living outside of the plot-line: it’s not just a diorama to be walked through, but a place where people exist and do mundane things and have everyday needs. I personally find it fascinating that the story manages to exist sort of balancing at oppositional ends of the “realism” spectrum at all times, but I think that’s also the key to why it is so successful at what it does.

(Side note: Matt Hills’ chapter in Guilty of Literature is a great read if you want to know more!)

Ancillary Justice, by Ann Leckie (science fiction)

I’m not a big reader of science fiction, because my heart is with fantasy, always. But this series was super interesting and I can recommend it, especially if science fiction is more your flavour! It’s been a while since I’ve read it, so I can’t give the same amount of detail as I’ve done above, but it was thoughtful and intriguing and I loved the ways this trilogy defamiliarised and refamiliarised ideas through the world and characters.

“The Ones who Walk Away from Omelas,” by Ursula K. Le Guin. (short story)

It’s only four pages long, but it’s haunting. I’ve put this story on the list because I feel like Ursula K. Le Guin belongs in many conversations about world-building; her work, in her time, was often radical--and remains so, in many cases. She didn’t flinch away from making her worlds alien, not in the sense of writing about space and people out among the stars (which admittedly she did also do!), but truly questioning and challenging cultural and societal norms and creating new ones, even (and especially) when they were uncomfortable to the status quo.

To me, that’s a core part of good world-building. You can just recreate the world we live in, with all the biases we’re raised to have, with the beliefs and expectations of conduct we have, with all the same bigotry--or you can push yourself to pull it all apart and pick from it the pieces you want to play with. You can push things to their extreme limits, or erase them entirely, or just... slide things a little to the left and make the whole world slightly off. Being able to be flexible in your thinking is vital for making vivid, interesting worlds, and Ursula K. Le Guin's work is a place you can start exploring that kind of thing if you’re unfamiliar with it.

For instance, in her novel Left Hand of Darkness, there is only one pronoun (a theme you’ll notice in Ancillary Justice) and the people of the planet Gethin change sex regularly. In her collection of short stories, “The Birthday of the World and Other Stories,” she writes about sedoretu, a four-way marriage she invents, as well as exploring gender, religion, culture, and society. Any of these are worth taking a look at, if you’re feeling a little boxed in.

However, despite saying all this: I don’t really enjoy her writing! I don’t have fun reading Le Guin’s work in practice; it doesn’t mesh with me beyond my delight at the conceptual elements she discusses. I often feel about reading her work like how kids think about medicine: tastes kind of awful, but it’s good for you. I’m grateful to her for paving the way, but I don’t read her work for fun.

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of her Own Making, by Catherynne M. Valente.

I’m throwing this one in the ring for a few reasons. One is that I am heavily indebted to nonsense; I grew up on Dr Seuss, Roald Dahl, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland + Alice Through the Looking-glass, Edward Gorey, A. A. Milne, H. R. Pufnstuf, and a little later, A Series of Unfortunate Events and Discworld. This book feels representative of that big love, and taps into what I love about nonsense.

Another reason is that it’s a good example of what I think of as delightful lawlessness in storytelling. It feels--as respectfully and lovingly as I can say this--like a game of mad libs turned into a book, because of how free and wild it is with what is allowed to happen. I think it’s very difficult to do something like this well, but I also think it’s a great place to play around when you’re first beginning to get to grips on world-building. Spin a wheel of options and go, “okay, so there’s a manticore in the basement, what now?” Make up reasons for things on the spot as a game for yourself. Ask and answer questions, just for fun! “Why is there a manticore there?” “It got in through the magic portal.” “Where’s the magic portal?” “It’s an old picture of the protagonist’s grandmother.” “Why is it a portal?” “The grandmother is secretly a witch and the ex-queen of a fantasy land.” “Why is the manticore here?” “Come to retrieve the queen, but accidentally takes the protagonist by mistake.” “Why does the manticore want the queen?” “Extreme Trivia Night at the Castle has really sucked lately. Also she misses her.” And just like that, you’ve got the start of a wacky but not impossible-to-tell story.

My final suggestion isn’t a book, but a podcast!

Be The Serpent (a podcast of extremely deep literary merit).

A fortnightly podcast by three charming writers who discuss a different theme or topic each episode (using a couple of texts as reference material), and will also make media recommendations. I love listening to it and it’s a great place to think about writing, both as a reader and as a writer. I don’t have a lot of writing friends myself, unfortunately, so it’s honestly so valuable to me to be able to hear them discuss their process and ideas on topics I care about.

I hope this helps! Best of luck to you, and please feel free to write in if you have any other questions.

#reply #advice #world-building #book recommendation #tumblr automatically put my reply under a read-more and i can't undo it?? what on EARTH is going wrong with this website

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huxianposts · 5 years ago

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Sojiro for the character meme please :3c

i am, so sorry this took so long, but thank you for the ask!! :’)

favorite thing about them

i love that he’s genuinely a good man. yeah he comes off as bitter and jaded, which, valid, considering everything, but even when he says one thing that’s sharp, he’d always follow up with something soft. all these jagged pieces and his kindness shines through the cracks. i’m emo af about it. like him genuinely caring and loving wakaba, but his principles on being a decent human being outweighs any sense of, ugh, ‘entitlement’ or ‘nice guy’ shitck-- him adopting futaba not because she was wakaba’s daughter, but because she was in a shitty living environment-- him wanting to be a good guardian for futaba and in doing so, worked hard to support her, even when she was isolating herself in the house, and got pissed that we bothered her because he just really cares about her well-being... i’m crying. he’s just so good, man

least favorite thing about them

i do not like how atlus pushes him to be this stone cold ‘player’ character. they established his ‘drinks respecting women juice’ characterization, but then, in another scene, he’s like, “oh yeah, the ladies, they like it if you’re cool, not ‘nice’” and i’m just, sojiro you are a clown, my good sir. you’ve loved one woman, and continue to revere and respect her memory without even looking at anyone else. like lmaooooo atlus wtffff let him be the father-figure everyone wants without the old-timey womanizer aspect, pls

favorite line

“hoo boy” makes me howl every freaking time. it’s such a dad thing to say, and i LIVE for it. however, his ending quote, "When I took you in, I thought I was the one helping you... but it turns out it was the other way around. ...Take care.” that killed me. the emotional culmination of the bond and him genuinely appreciating and caring about you, and then him tearing up and wiping his face when you leave... absolutely everything to me.

brOTP

i like the combo of sojiro/sae/haru. just the circumstances of their background has me tear tf up: someone they love and cared for dies, and they’re pushed into new roles and responsibilities (obvs, sojiro definitely chose to step up for futaba, but like, the themes of loss and having to navigate an entirely unfamiliar territory in the wake of that loss, hhhh). i think it’d be quiet chats in leblanc, and like, it’s nothing as intense brotp like haru with the team, or sae with goro, but... it’s good. it’s understanding through the lenses of different ages and backgrounds, and you know, they have an appreciation for a good cup of coffee on cold nights, when the world feels heavy

i also like to think of a sojiro/iwai friendship where it’s just two dads hardcore doting on their kids and trying to be competitive but then it turns out-- wait, we share the same son, a.k.a akira lmaooooo

OTP

i haven’t really thought up an otp with him tbh :0 but like... a sojiro/lala combo... hoo boy, that’s lethal to me in good ways (akira just accumulates parents and tries to match-make akjdfaklj)

nOTP

i know i said i like his adoration and respect towards wakaba, but i honestly don’t/can’t see them together. i think they make better friends, and like, canonically, he’s happy/fine with that too! he cares about her and holds her in an important spot in his heart, and she obvs cared about him and trusted him too, with how she tweaked his curry recipe, and how he even knows about futaba’s existence, esp when wakaba was involved with dangerous business in her research

random headcanon

he embarrasses futaba and akira by making explicitly incorrect culture references. he once slipped down the stairs and lightly busted his hip, and all he said to them was, “he need some f r e shavo ca doo” and akira had to hold futaba back from going ape shit on sojiro through her tears

unpopular opinion

why does he wear a fedora. why.

song i associate with them

emo song: “World Spins Madly On” by the Weepies

happy song: “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye

favorite picture of them

don’t have the picture, but his face when Futaba calls him dad. he’s just the surprised pikachu face, and then he crumples in happiness, and i’m deceased. his SL kills me so good, i’m sayin

#thank you for the ask!#asks #chidorinnnnn #p5 #persona #sojiro sakura #thank you for requesting him i love coffee dad so much #long post

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mentosmorii · 5 years ago

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“How does one describe Artemis Fowl?” Artemis Fowl, Book 1, Page 1.

A lot of the content in that essay is correct, I feel I should say. However, an area where I misstep is here: “ Eoin Colfer has been asked about the influence of Irish mythology on his writing during various interviews, and his response is usually a sort of permutation of the above answer — ‘I grew up reading Irish myths and legends, [and] I… put… a spin on them’” (Colfer). He admits that he was influenced by Irish mythology, and this admission of influence is usually enough to get interviewers to move along to the next question. I’ve looked through many of the interviews that he’s done, and I think I can say with confidence that there is not currently any interview available in which an interviewer presses him to be more specific and point to the myths and legends in question by which he was influenced. In all likelihood, I think that this is because once Colfer confirms that he did, in fact, take inspiration from Irish mythology, the interviewers think of pop culture Celtic mythology and move on”.

The assertion that I made that was incorrect is about the interviewer moving on due to a lack of visibility of Irish myths. However, you also have to look at when the first book was published, which was in 2001. During the 90s to the early 2000s, Ireland was going through something called the “Celtic tiger”, which essentially means that there was an international market that was becoming quite interested in Irish culture, leading to the development of a new, commercially successful Celticism. Cormac MacRaois (pronounced: Cormick Mccreesh) estimated, at the time of writing in 1997, that there were at least thirty books dedicated to the retellings of mythological tales on the children’s shelves of Irish bookshops, alongside a burgeoning quantity of contemporary fantasy drawing upon mythological sources for its characters and themes” (Irish Children’s Literature and Culture: New perspectives).

Furthermore, in Mary Donohue’s unpublished 2003 MA thesis entitled “From Wexford to the arctic circle, a cultural journey”, she remarks that in a video interview, Colfer mentions that he had initially planned to publish a collection of Irish myths and legends, but that he abandoned this plan when he realized how many good collections were already in print (Donohoe, 2003, p. 24).

In many ways, the Artemis Fowl series, at least up until book 8, is more of a sci-fi than it is a fantasy. Which is a bold claim for me to make, I know!

A quote from book one in which Root is talking to Foaly as the LEP tries to plan how to get Holly back summarizes this analysis of the series quite nicely: “Science is taking the magic out of everything”.

As Anna Bugajska (pronounced: ah-na boo-guy-ska) states in her essay "Human Magic", "Fairy Technology": The Place of the Supernatural in the Age of Cyberculture: “Fairies deprived of natural wings use their artificial counterparts. Dwarves are practically walking machines. Invisibility is achieved by ‘shielding’. Artemis uses ‘human magic’ to heal a fairy [the sprite in Ho Chi Minh whom he gives a serum to help her alcohol dependence], but must rack his brains to escape ‘fairy technology’. The convergence point comes at the search for a Booke of Magick and at a failed Ritual performance… In the world where fairies rely on blasters and bio-bombs to take out their enemies, is there any place for good ol’ magic? Or is it by any chance homogenous with “man-made magic”, that is technology?”.

The fact that the book series seems to be more of a sci-fi than a fantasy is important for two reasons, the first reason of which is discussed in Elizabeth Parsons’ essay “Fowl Play: Artemis Fowl, Sitting Ducks, and politics for children” and the second of which is discussed by Anna Bugajska. The first perspective, Parsons’, is that the book brings up parallels between the People and humanity that suggest that the fairies are just as guilty of the environmental issues and social injustice that they like to critique humans for. The second perspective is that the emphasis on the blending of science and magic in the narrative helps explore the themes of moral evolution within the series.

Let’s first address Parsons’ argument. Parsons argues that there is no discernible difference between the two worlds that share the planet — “Technological advances drive humanity’s destruction of the earth’s surface as much as they [drive] the spread of fairy civilization underground” (Parsons). In fact, Parsons points to the enormous sum of gold at the center of the conflict in book one as evidence that the People are not as innocent of this kind of environmental destruction as they would like to think. After all, you cannot mine gold from the earth without having some kind of negative impact on the planet. Whether it’s from how you might destabilize the ground as you mine, or the pollutants you may release, or even the effect that comes with removing the gold from its natural place in the earth, you cannot escape the fact that Faeries likely also have a history of troubling environmental impacts to answer for. There is also the fact that fairy society is *extremely* industrialized. Just as how the presence of gold presents the question of how the People acquired that wealth, the technology the people have presents the question of how did they develop said tech. You can’t go from a building the wheel to building a neutrino gun — there was likely an industrial revolution in which the People engaged in unclean energy practices as they developed their understanding of how to engineer. And this concern is supported by the text!

But that’s just from an environmental point of view. Socially, there is also little difference between the progress of the People and humanity. Honestly, in some aspects, the people are farther behind, what with how Holly mentions being the first woman to be hired to her position even though the book opens at the start of the 21st century. And although Holly understands that others assuming she is less capable on the basis of her gender is both illogical and prejudiced, she herself falls into similar lines of thinking in books 1 and 2. She certainly makes some unkind assumptions regarding how she thinks her coworker Lili, an attractive woman, was hired because the recruiter fancied Lili. Which, knowing the rather old-fashioned beliefs the LEP higher-ups have regarding women, could be the case! Yet the way she specifically talks about Lili makes it clear she does not see a potential ally against mistreatment in the office — Lili is someone who, in unkind moments, Holly privately sort of sees as an acceptable target of workplace gossip. And Holly, to be fair, grows out of this mindset by the final book — she still doesn’t like Lili, but she’s matured past the point of engaging in making harmful assumptions about her coworker.

And beyond this, Holly also in book one falls into patterns of making assumptions about the various different groups of fairies in Haven. For example, she implies in her first encounter with Mulch that his rapscallion behavior and petty crimes are kind of linked to the fact he’s dwarf. And she certainly doesn’t treat him well in book 1 — she zaps him when he makes a move to pick-pocket despite the fact the situation could have been de-escalated with initial action other than violence. Again, she moves beyond this way thinking by the final book. Yet the society she lived in, no matter how much she values things like justice and equality, still influenced her to make judgment calls that either are solely about another person’s identity, such as her comments about Lili, or that tie someone’s behavior to their identity, such as how she links Mulch’s behavior to the fact he is a dwarf. Holly isn’t the problem — the society is.

The second point, that the series uses technology and sci-fi to explore philosophical topics, is also part of the appeal to the series.

One particular example that comes to mind is how the series (maybe unintentionally) engages with Gilbert Ryle, who was a British philosopher, and his concept of ‘mind-body-dualism’; Ryle wrote on the idea of human existence being the tale of ‘a ghost within a machine’, or our sense of self-existing in a separate, physical shell. To simplify, this essentially points out the fact that what we view as being our “us”, our personalities, our inner thoughts, our perception of ourselves, is often separate from our bodies — such as how when I think of who “I” am, I think of my “mind” rather than “body”. Often, sci-fi seeks to explore what if this barrier dissolved — such as what if with the evolution of the mind, there was also an evolution of the body, and whether this could be achieved through things like AI, cyborgs, and so on. To go back to Anna Bugajska’s work, she wrote an essay entitled “Artemis Fowl: Posthumanism for teens” that tackles this within the series.

To go back to the idea of transformation and Artemis Fowl, the series deals with this theme quite a bit. To quote Bugajska: “What naturally could develop into a coming-of-age cycle, swerves into the direction of a transformation, calling into question human nature and individual identity in the age of the morphological freedom, mind uploads, bioengineering, and hybronauts…[the series explores ideas of transformation as a result of a desire to seek previously unaccessible power, but it also explores the idea in the context of the mind and body becoming one in how an impact one must result in an impact of the other].

“A prominent example of those who went too far in their quest for [transformative] perfection are Briar Cudgeon, an LEP officer, and Opal Koboi, a genius pixie inventor. Cudgeon, embittered by professional conflict, sought the cognitive enhancement through the use of drugs. As a result, “the tranquilizer had reacted badly with some banned mind- accelerating substances the former acting-commander had been experimenting with. Cudgeon was left with a forehead like melted tar... Ugly and demoted, not a great combination” (Colfer 2003a: 77). [In this case, his desire for power causes his downfall, such as how he tried to enhance his abilities past his limit with the mind-accelerating drug that ended up reacting with the tranquilizer. However, this is also an example of the barrier between the body and the mind dissolving, as Cudgeon’s internal ‘ugliness’, such as his hunger for power, deceitfulness, and disregard for others’, is reflected in his physical form through his overindulgence in substances he uses to try to get around his natural limits.]

“In the case of Opal Koboi, we can observe a conscious attempt to transform from one being to another. She has her pointy ears operated upon to give them human shape. What is more, she implants in her brain a human pituitary gland to provoke the secretion of the growth hormone (Colfer 2005: 173–174). She even goes as far as extracting substances from various animals to enhance her magic (Colfer 2011a: 263, 270). All these attempts in the end cost her her sanity (Colfer 2012: 36) and her magic powers, which is especially well visible in the fourth book of the cycle, the Opal Deception (Colfer 2005: 329).

“On the other hand, the changes in identity must necessarily be reflected in the alterations of at least some parts of the body... “Artemis himself, as he grows from a calculating rationalist to a globally-responsible, empathic man, earns a few body modifications. And although he does not seek them, he does not attempt to get rid of them, instinctively hoarding as much of the “fairness” as he can get. For instance, in The Lost Colony, where Artemis and his friend Holly Short of the LEP travel through a time-tunnel, first his fingers are switched, then he swaps an eye with Holly, and finally he steals some of the fairy magic, which grants him limited healing and regeneration powers. He also gains three years during the travel: in his own time he has to pose as a seventeen-year-old (Colfer 2007: 371)” (Bugajska).

In essence, you have both people seeking to perfect the body in order to match the goals of mind, such as Opal trying to steal new types of magic or Cudgeon using mind accelerating drugs, and then you have Artemis switching eyes with Holly, representing a more benign example of the body changing to match the mind, as switching eyes represents that he has literally switched perspectives and can see things through her eyes as a result of their friendship. And in the end of the series, you also have Artemis being reborn into a clone — he has changed so much from his self at the beginning of the series, it is like his past self is dead, and his moral rebirth is reflected literally in him being given a new body free of the constraints of the mistakes he made before his passing, such as kidnapping Holly or endangering Butler on multiple occasions.

#artemis fowl #my writing #yes i know this is immensely obnoxious but know this: this is actually the short version of the future video essay

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queen-susans-revenge · 5 years ago

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Ingrid Seward and her Smear Campaign Against the Duchess of Sussex

The astonishing and unabating waves of vitriol and misogynoir directed against Meghan, Duchess of Sussex in the British tabloids are really something; yesterday Elton John took to Twitter to denounce “these relentless and untrue assassinations on their character that are spuriously crafted on an almost daily basis.” He was including Harry in his remarks, but the truth is that the vast majority of the press attacks are directed at Meghan. They began when her engagement was announced, with such odious headlines as the Daily Mail’s “Harry’s Girl Is (Almost) Straight Outta Compton -- Gang-Scarred Home of Her Mother Revealed - So Will He Be Dropping By for Tea?” and they have never let up. (As it turns out, yes, the Duke and his mother-in-law visit frequently. She usually comes to them though, because they are a prince and a princess who live in a frickin’ castle--okay okay, on the grounds of a frickin’ castle--and can’t go anywhere without a paparazzi mob.) Both the elegant and impressive Doria Ragland and her equally elegant and graceful daughter have borne the onslaught in silent dignity. It has been so ugly and unjust that the American press, and many in Hollywood, are now pushing back: Vanity Fair, The Washington Post, and Harper’s Bazaar, among other outlets, have published stories that all come to the obvious answer:

One interesting thing for Sussex fans, is that when you read the latest trash hit against Meghan, it’s often the same people saying the terrible things. Which then the other tabloids will pounce on and regurgitate and spin up into a fresh cycle of “controversy.” Piers Morgan is perhaps the most obvious culprit. A lot of the Meghan-bashing stuff comes from that douchebag. But he at least has been appropriately challenged: Jameela Jamil accurately called him “a slut-shaming, fat-shaming, misogynist, irrelevant shit stain, smeared across our country.” Friends, netizens, fellow blanket goblins. I am not here to talk about Piers Morgan. I am here to talk about someone that I don’t think has been named and shamed enough, because just as many of these ugly stories planted in the press turn out to come from her. This is a callout post for Ingrid Seward.

Who is Ingrid Seward? She is a wretched fucking harpy, and also the editor in chief of Majesty magazine--which seems to be an online-only webzine with about the same production values as your local supermarket flyer? Anyway, nine times out of ten when a “royal expert” launches an attack on Meghan, it’s Ingrid Seward. Here’s a gallery of her greatest hits: * Remember that whole business when Meghan came out after Archie’s birth for Trooping the Color, and people noticed she’d changed up the band of her engagement ring? At the time Ingrid Seward had a lot of sneering things to say about that, quotes that got picked up and cycled through a bunch of different outlets: “I find it a bit odd Meghan would want to alter a ring that her husband had especially designed for her...A royal engagement ring is a piece of history not a bit of jewelry to be updated when it looks old fashioned.” The implication of course here being that Meghan is not really one of us, she doesn’t understand the significance--Harry designed that ring with Diana’s stones, she’s desecrating it! (Never mind that it’s her damn ring, and that any alterations Meghan makes to her jewelry will simply add to the heritage and historicity of the pieces.) But it gets better! * So then it came out that Harry had the band changed, actually, because he gave her a second ring when Archie was born and he wanted her to be able to wear them stacked. Was there any apology from Ingrid? No, of course not. She’d successfully planted one wave of bad stories about Meghan, and she’d moved on to the next wave--the christening. * Right, remember all the kerfluffle around how Meghan and Harry wouldn’t allow press photographers at the christening? I’m not gonna say this one was entirely orchestrated by Ingrid, but man does it have her fingerprints all over it: she was very intentional about fanning up the flames of criticism, and very successful at it too. Here’s a quote from one representative bitchy piece in the Express: “Ingrid Seward, editor-in-chief of Majesty Magazine, said she felt that people were becoming a 'bit jaded' by 'stylised' pictures of the newest royal. 'I think what people want and what people are used to seeing are lovely family images of the baby in the royal Honiton lace christening gown. They won't want an arty Instagram shot of Archie's foot three days later if it's left up to the couple themselves to take pictures and release them,' she said, referring to a Mother's Day shot issued by the couple of their son on social media." * She doesn’t name Meghan directly here, but it’s exactly the same implication as before--Meghan doesn’t understand the significance. Her Hollywood, Instagram, American style marks her as not one of us. * And as usual once she’d successfully planted one negative quote somewhere, it would get picked up and amplified by other outlets. E! Online ran a piece that quoted her appearance on the Today show: "I've covered five or six christenings during my royal career and I've never come across such secrecy," Majesty magazine editor-in-chief Ingrid Seward said on Today.” The headline for the E! Online article was “The Archie Christening Controversy: Why Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Are Under Fire Yet Again.” Like yeah okay they are, but at some point don’t we get to talk about the fact that it’s always the same little squad doing the firing? * Of course in the end what Meghan and Harry actually released were lovely family images of the baby in the royal Honiton lace christening gown, just like Ingrid Seward said she wanted.

* Was she happy? * No. Her success at generating negative coverage for the Sussexes has only made her bolder. “I would think it might bother William a little bit, because he might see the way that Harry and Meghan do things as being detrimental to the business of the monarchy as a whole,” Ingrid Seward revealed in the British documentary titled ‘William & Harry: Princes At War?’ as reported by UK’s Daily Mail on Monday.” * You can see how she gets the media machine to spin up and regurgitate and repackage her smears. That quote was actually from a Fox News piece: “Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s ‘detrimental’ behavior ‘might bother’ Prince William, claims royal expert.” * So one bad quote from Ingrid Seward generates negative TV and press coverage along many outlets. And she’s usually just referred to as a “royal expert,” which makes her fly under the radar more than Piers Morgan. But she is the news here! There’s no actual story about William: this entire news cycle of negative coverage is generated by Ingrid Seward, just like previous bad news cycles have been spun up by her. * She never retracts her criticisms even when repeatedly proven incorrect (as with the ring and the christening photos), and other journos never stop quoting her, either. * Here’s more from her: “And of course William and Kate would have quite naturally thought, ‘Oh, she’s been married before, she’s older than Harry, I hope she’s going to make him happy.’ Anyone would think that.” No, you fucking harpy, normal people just thought “what a lovely young couple!”

* I think it is honestly very reasonable to ask why the editor in chief of Majesty magazine appears to be orchestrating a smear campaign against the Duchess of Sussex. Isn’t she supposed to be a royal fan? Aren’t we all supposed to be celebrating the pretty dresses and the sparkly tiaras? Because that’s what I’m here for. But not Ingrid. Ingrid is here for something very calculated, and very ugly.

#this is an ingrid seward hateblog #duchess of sussex

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xiaotvng-a · 5 years ago

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❛ incorrect quotes ˓ 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑛𝑒 ˒

( @jujuquitas edition ) apenas um compilado de frases que meu personagens provavelmente diriam se estivessem naquela situação.

arabella : are you flirting with me?

aztharov : i’ve been for the past centuries, but thanks for noticing

—

anastasia : you're a freak!

alaric : we’ll work on terms of affection later.

—

theresa : ugh, i have ashes in my bra.

george : can’t tell if that’s hot or not.

theresa : it’s not. ashes in my bra is not hot.

george : well, it’s kinda hot. *leans in to whisper in her ear* boobs go in a bra.

—

shihyun : guess what number I’m thinking of.

ryung : 420.

shihyun : no, that’s really immature of you. someone else guess, and please take this seriously.

dahye : 69?

shihyun : yea it was 69.

—

heathcliff : what are you doing

catherine, standing on a chair : i live here too y’know. i can stand wherever i want whenever i want

heathcliff : where’s the spider

catherine : it’s under the table please get it for me

—

alaric : *pouring wine into two wine glasses* do you know why i called you in?

anastasia : because i accidentally sent you nudes?

alaric : *stops pouring wine*

alaric : …accidentally?

—

aztharov : *sneezes*

arabella : god bless you

aztharov : we’ve talked about this

—

ryung : could you not stand so close to me? you’re making me claustrophobic.

dahye : what does “claustrophobic” mean?

shihyun : it means he’s afraid of santa claus!

ryung : no, it doesn’t!

dahye : ho ho ho!

shihyun : stop it, dahye! you’re scaring him!

—

death : one large coffee. black, like my soul.

death : *hands the coffee to yeojin*

death : and could I get apple juice please?

—

anastasia : so basically when someone says something really cool, you say “wig”.

callisto : okay, got it.

cassian, a while later : i’m in love with you.

callisto : wig.

—

arabella : hey, aztharov, can you do me a small favour?

aztharov : i've literally killed for you, but go on.

—

xuanzhou : weiwei, i think we should make a pact: if we’re both still single in an hour, let’s get married.

—

alaric : so, do you come here often?

anastasia : this is my house, how did you get in here-

—

kei : mieko and i are no longer friends.

mieko : kei that’s a terrible way to announce that we’re dating-

—

theresa : okay george, i need you to swear—

george : fuck.

theresa :

george :

theresa :

theresa : i meant, like, promise.

—

weiwei : i can’t believe we’re locked in this room together.

xuanzhou : *throwing a key out of the window* truly unfortunate.

—

aztharov : a vodka for me, and she’ll have, uh..a juice box.

arabella : aztharov, i’m 20.

aztharov : …

arabella : i can buy my own juice box.

—

cassian : i told callisto her eyes change color when she lies, so now I can tell when she's lying.

anastasia : how though?

cassian : watch this.

cassian : callisto! do you love me?

callisto, covering her eyes : no.

—

weiwei : *gets a paper cut*

xuanzhou : *sighing under his breath* hasn’t she been through enough?

—

aquarine : come on. i didn't drink that much last night.

servent : you were flirting with empress cheong.

aquarine : so what? she's my wife.

servent : you asked her if she was single...

servent : and started crying when she said she wasn't.

—

kei, to the people at the demon realm : alright, listen up, you little shits.

kei : not you, mieko. you're an angel, and we're thrilled you're here.

—

catherine : *walks into the kitchen* is something burning?

heathcliff : *leaning seductively against the counter* only my desire for you, sweetheart.

catherine : the toaster is on fire, idiot.

—

[at disneyland on the teacup ride]

ryung : *spinning calmly, enjoying his ride in peace*

dahye and shihyun : *flying past him, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

—

yeojin : *kisses death on the cheek*

death : what was that?

yeojin : affection.

death : disgusting.

death : ...do it again.

—

shihyun : please ryung, im begging you

ryung : im sorry shihyun

shihyun : don’t do it, please!

ryung : it has to be done.

ryung, placing down a draw-four uno card : uno.

dahye :

dahye : what the fuck

—

aztharov, to arabella : speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, i'm not really sure that you and gabriel really mesh well together.

—

theresa : an apple a day keeps the doctor away!

george : an apple a day keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough.

—

alaric : every time you say those three words, it makes my day.

anastasia :

alaric : i would do anything just to hear you say them to me now...

anastasia :

anastasia : leave me alone.

alaric, brushing away a tear : beautiful.

—

mieko : kei, how old are you?

kei : hella

—

heathcliff : don’t say a word.

catherine : fergalicious.

heathcliff : i said don’t say a word.

catherine : oh i see. so two weeks ago when we were playing scrabble it was’nt a word, but now suddenly is.

catherine : how convenient for you.

—

xuanzhou : of course i care about the people in the palace equally.

eunuch : the palace was attacked while you were away.

xuanzhou : is weiwei okay?

—

aztharov : i’m living my best life.

arabella : gabriel is drowning.

aztharov : this isn’t about him.

—

callisto : what am i supposed to do while you’re gone?

cassian : what do you useually do when i’m gone?

callisto : wait for you to come back.

—

any concubine : did you know there’s a rumor you’re in love with weiwei?

xuanzhou : a rumor? are you telling me people are doubting it?

—

ryung to dahye : how's the most beautiful person in the entire universe doing?

dahye : i don't know, how are y-

shihyun, from the other side of the room : i'm doing great.

—

kei : and then i got stabbed

mieko : *visibly concerned* he stabbed you?

kei : with a knife

mieko : and then?

kei : i did what any normal person would do,

kei : i asked him if he wanted it back.

—

aztharov : going to meetings, writing things down, you love that nerd stuff.

arabella : writing things down is nerdy? what do you do?

aztharov : just forget stuff like a cool person.

—

cheong : *breathes*

aquarine : for the love of god, stop being perfect.

—

halime : richard, i'm cold!

richard : oh, here, take my scarf.

theresa : *to george* george, i'm cold too!

george : well damn, theresa, i don't control the weather.

—

arabella : you’re smiling, did something good happen?

aztharov : can’t i just smile because i feel like it?

arabella :

aztharov : gabriel tripped and fell in the hallway.

—

anyone : aquarine no

aquarine : no one tells me what to do

cheong : aquarine no

aquarine : ok

—

gabriel : *flirts with arabella*

aztharov : *staring at them silently*

heathcliff : you’re really quiet today, aztharov.

aztharov : *still staring* nobody plans a murder out loud.

—

anastasia : i have decided i am, in fact, a snack. it’s just that no one’s hungry.

alaric, under his breath : i’m starving.

—

kei : you ever just feel like shit, hate yourself, and have a god awful day but someone just turns it around?

aztharov : what happened?

kei : mieko smiled at me.

—

[ryung standing outside holding up a sign that says “prom?”]

shihyun : OH MY GOD? YES!!

ryung : no, tell dahye!!

shihyun : DAHYE! I’M GOING TO PROM WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND!!

—

anastasia : are you a vampire?

alaric : i am not a vampire. i have blood.

anastasia : is it your blood?

alaric : it is blood, yes.

anastasia : is it blood that has always belonged to you?

alaric : it is blood, it is in my possession, therefore it is mine.

—

aztharov : someone's going to die.

arabella : of fun!

—

shihyun : christmas is cancelled.

dahye : you can’t cancel a holiday.

shihyun : keep it up, dahye, and you’ll lose new year’s.

dahye : what does that mean?

shihyun : ryung, take new year’s away from dahye.

#˓ ✧ . ⊰ to my partners * ╱ ooc . ˒

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