#new jedi order liveblog

[tarisilmarwen]

Ahsoka "Dreams and Madness" Liveblog

Heeeeeeeeee.

My week has sucked, let's get into this already, this is some of the only true joy I'm deriving from life right now.

(I'm okay but legitimately, my week has sucked, lemme have this.)

HELLO CORUSCANT YOU'RE LOOKING PRETTY.

Ho daaaaayum, Hera bringing the fire to this meeting.

I am... annoyed by the emphasis on Hera as a maverick though, she was the Rebels character MOST beholden to the protocol and procedure of the hierarchy, the time she saved Kanan was the only time she ever really defied orders and dammit I have just patchworked myself my own answer okay so obviously she's normally very rule-abiding EXCEPT for times when her family and the people she cares about most need her help and no one else will give aid to her.

Curses upon my ability to iron out plot wrinkles I don't like.

Filoni must REALLY not like Xiono, he's giving him all the skeptic lines.

Course this is also one of the times the writing has to be hampered by trying to patchwork and salvage the Sequel Trilogy by explaining why the New Republic ignored the problem of the First Order until it was too late.

HI THREEPIO.

Man I am gonna cry ugly tears when we lose Antony Daniels, he loves playing Threepio so much, he's always up for it, never once complained that no one knows him from anything else.

Right so I get why they had Threepio deliver a message instead of trying to CGI frankenstein Leia into this but also Disney are cowards JUST RECAST THE MAIN TRIO I PROMISE NO ONE ACTUALLY HOLDS IT AGAINST ALDEN, TLJ JUST SUCKED AND SOLO WAS THE NEXT PRODUCT WE HAD TO TAKE THINGS OUT ON.

Seriously, the de-aging and CGI puppetry is starting to get uncomfortable and weird.

Chopper bout to throw hands in this courthouse lol.

I'm sorry, the emphasis on just how LONG this hyperspace trip is is absolutely making me reel with adoration for Ezra, he held the air inside the bridge of the Chimaera and the door closed and Thrawn in place ALL THE WAY TO PERIDEA IN ANOTHER FREAKING GALAXY.

YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER.

Loosen up a bit Rosario, you're stiff.

Oof that little bow between Ahsoka and Holo!Anakin.

Huyang begrudgingly having to remember to trust the Force lol.

Ohhhhh bastard, he put explosives in orbit to stop the purrgil!

.....Making the ring against the planet like that was supposed to be a visual reminder of the Death Star right?

The look of subtle but dawning horror in Thrawn's face when he realizes Ahsoka was Anakin's padawan lololol.

Like, "Ffffffffffffff--"

"Jedi are very good at hiding. They've been practicing that for years." Ah yes, excellent, another moment/quote I can add to my collection of "Thrawn barely containing his seething loathing of Ezra" bits lol.

*perks* Oh? Are we at the interesting parts now?

Ahhhh yes the minivan convoy with mom and dad Sabezra at the front.

There should have been waaaaaay more infodumping in this conversation, I need Ezra to boggle over everything.

Sabine still avoiding the question, but lol at Ezra's "The usual level [of complicated] or worse?" that's so cute.

THEIR BANTER IS ADORABLE I AM PILLOWING MYSELF IN IT AND MAKING A BLANKET FORT.

FRICK THIS IS PERFECT.

Ugh and he doesn't push her to talk about it, he's still so considerate of her armor and walls.

Someone, maybe multiple someones commented that they could see serious Two Towers aesthetics in this and... yeah no this is super LOTR-esque.

Lars Mikkelson continuing to kill it with his performance, as basic as it is.

[SIGHS HEAVILY AT THE CONTINUING INSISTENCE ON MAKING SABINE FORCE SENSITIVE] Okay, Filoni, whatever.

I'm ignoring this, I'm pretending she reached out to Ezra instead.

"Took me in when I really needed help." Ohhhhh do not do that, do not plant hurt/comfort ideas in my head ghgkasuhfkauhf.

He is so softly concerned about her aaaaahhhhhh.

I saw a few people confused by Baylan basically abandoning Shin to things here when he was acting so fond of her last episode so let me maybe shed some light on that situation. Ahem:

THE DARK SIDE DESIRE FOR POWER SLOWLY CONSUMES YOU UNTIL IT IS OVERWHELMING, UNTIL WHAT YOU WANTED THE POWER FOR NO LONGER MATTERS. THAT'S ITS NATURE THAT'S WHAT IT DOES. BECOMES MORE AND MORE OF AN OBSESSION UNTIL IT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT.

So yes, Baylan chucking Shin out to find her destiny or whatever because whatever it is that he's trying to seize power from is making him completely overlook her feelings.

"If Lord Baylan proves capable..." LOLOLOL BAYLAN DECIDED TO SCREW THAT NOISE HE'S IN IT FOR HIMSELF MY MAN.

GUNSHIPS! GUUUUUNSHIIIIIIIPS!

:D

Ezra can't leave the one crashed one, awwwwww.

Frick, him being the Noti's protector is just so frigging cute. I need fluff fics.

I'M GONNA DIE FROM THIS BANTER, IT'S ADORABLE.

Battle Couple Sabezra now? Y/Y?

Baylan's whole demeanor is changing, it's like he's soaking up the Dark Side energy of this place. Once again, awed by Ray Stevenson's sheer presence. The man feels massive and he's just standing there.

LOLOL THIS WHOLE ARGUMENT OVER THE "OUR" LIGHTSABER.

I'm grinning.

But also I wanna see Ezra hold his lightsaber again, pretty please?

Ahsoka doing much better now that she has both her blades this time.

*pillows hands* Can I watch Ezra forever please. I missed you son. Never leave me again.

HUYAAAAAAAAANG! :D

Oh man, how much dread and chagrin do you think Ezra had when he saw the stormtroopers?

Ho ho Thrawn looks eager for this.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE.

(They are this close to holding hands you guys.)

This is probably giving Ezra flashblacks.

Oh sue me I want some angst and whump and pain to have happened in the interim.

Ahsoooooookkaaaaaaaaaaa! :D

Oh for, please stop using the beskar as literal plot armor. It sucks a lot of danger out of the fight.

Thrawn being all Xanatos Gambit like the pro he is.

Shin looking like she might cry, oh wow actual emotions.

FRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIICCCCKKK THAT ADORABLE LITTLE LAUGH.

Oh gosh, don't jinx it don't jinx it don't jinx it...

Wheeeeeeeeee that was... fun, actually!

The Sabezra bits were adorable. I have quibbles here and there but I'm just so happy being Sabine being happy and content and seeing Ezra being... Ezra.

Nervous for the last ep though. Hhhgnghhhhh I am very much stressed and I do not wish to be.

[twilightofthe]

gonna put my random liveblog reactions for Ahsoka Ep 1 here

okay so the rebels fam are literally some of my favorite star wars characters i've loved and missed them since 2018 and if anything this show will give me them

i am going with zero expectations except a plea, a plea to just not make me hate it lmao idc what happens just let me have fun

just press the start button coward ass come ON

okay i'm startiiiing Now!

oooh they didn't name it interesting

kk cool drums that's neat we like that

whoa was that sabine's helmet in the intro????

OPENING TITLE SCROLL?????

WE REALLY LIKE THAT????????

y'all the new republic's about as stable as a human jenga tower don't u have anything better to do than find thrawn i'm p sure even the imperials didn't like him THAT much they were xenophobes

former jedi knight? HMMMM

why is it always a secret map

also appreciating the OG "let's open up on big ass ship in space" makes you feel small

ok have i heard this new republic(?) captain actor before he seems familiar

bitch literally anyone could have an old jedi clearance code clearance codes were passed around like

yeah he doesn't trust it either

but i feel like he's actually dickish and we're not supposed to like him so

ah yes rebel soldiers and their stupid-ass egg helmets

wait old white bearded guy you ain't obi wan you AIN'T a jedi

his voice sounds familiar too

i have such face blindness lmao

oh whoops that's a darkside saber his friend has!

she kinda looks like Merrin from JFO

Eh probs some kinda Nightsister of sorts

I'm guessing he's some Inquisitor who got forgotten

Hmm we really paralleling ANH with darkside guy slaughtering all the egghelmet guys on a ship xD

Ok his name is Baylan

And hers is Morgan and the intro crawl mentioned her but my memory is shit so I don't quite remember what she was about except vague Thrawn-related reasons

ooooh name drop!

aaaaaAAAAA RIGHT IN THE EMOTIONS NOOO NO THE AHSOKA AND ANAKIN LEITMOTIFF TWILIGHT OF THE APPRENTICE THEME

ok i'm good lol

ohh wait so there IS a title

master and apprentice

alas it seems like the thing i didn't want is gonna happen but we are staying OPEN MINDED we are going to SEE

ok lots of tall pillars in what looks like another fuckin desert lmao

ey there's Snips

something on the ground? That kinda looks Sith-ish but also I have like no clue

hmm did they kinda fix her montrals or not i can't tell

Ehhhhh slightly

eyyyy wait are those the world-between-worlds lines

the statues kinda look like nightsisters but also like old sith statues

mmm caress the whispering pillar

ok indiana jones time to get your ass out of there before the booby trap

what am i saying she's anakin and obi wan's spawn she LIKES this shit

oh hey she made something happen

i feel like all of these pillars should have been turned at once

the force likes teamwork and that kinda thing

but it also kinda echoes maul and ezra's little teamwork exercise lifting those walls in the sith temple that one time

ope she found something

guessing it's the Magic Maul Map

ooh it's one of those bakugon balls or whatever they were we played with as a kid i had one that turned into a dragon

H U Y A N G

SHOW ME MY ROBOBITCH

armor person hello

what's the mask that's not a mando is it

nah i don't think it is

nah

is it a person in armor or a droid i can't tell

oh subs say droids they're droids

you poor bastards curbstomping droids was her high school internship job she is WAY more qualified than you

wasn't quite expecting ahsoka to play whackamole but good for her that sounds fun

oh hell yeah we stan the droids that self destruct xD

waiiiit yeah i forgot she had a B-wing they're cool!

STILL LOVE ME HUYANG

ahsoka there was NO way you didn't wait till the last moment to jump away from that explosion except to be dramatic

"the order doesn't exist anymore" you shush missy we KNOW you know who luke is he's trying his best

ahsoka lbr do you even know what standard jedi protocol is

Fulcruuuuum

DAMN FUCKING RIGHT HUYANG IS FULCRUM HE DESERVES IT

also he looks so good in live action i forgot to mention that!!!!! <3

"T-6" girl u need to name your SHIP anakin would be APPALLED

well if that's the same ship with the darksiders on at least

h3ERA

HERA

HERA HERA HERA

HERA MY BELOVED

wHERES CHOPPER

WHERES CJASON JACEN WHATEVERTHE FUCK

H E RA

oh right this is mary elizabeth winstead oh boy i hope she does well!

i wonder if ewan was there

aNYWAY HERA

ok unpausing sorry had a Moment

General

Ok so the voices aren't quite matching but we'll see

ooooh hera has a patch on her jacket let's go back to that later

"abilities like you" hera kanan told you what darksiders were like inquisitors tried to kill y'all

she has sabines firebird on her jacket

don't mention thrawn around hera she'll just think of ezra ;_;

oh so morgan was thrawn's

EZRA NAME MENTION

GONNA DIE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok this is nothing on mary's performance she's doing fine but hera's dialogue doesn't quiiiite seem her? we'll see

oh yeah and rosario's doing better this time more natural

IT’S LOTHAL LOTHAL LIVE ACTION LOTHAAAAAAAAL

ITS BEAUTIFUL SO SO BEAUTIFUL

wait who's speaking

THEY SAID EZRA AGAI

THAT'S FUCKING RYDER

RYDER AZADI HELLO YOU WONDERFUL BASTARD YOU LOOK GREAT

Hi Clancy Brown good to see you do you know you have an evil Devaronian twin who's running around bothering Din Djarin as we speak

well at least sabine still hates politics

my dude ryder you know her tf did she say to make you think she was coming at all lol

WAIT JAI

JAI KELL HELLO EZRA'S EX BOYFRIEND

YOU'RE SO HANDSOME MY BOY ALL GROWN UP WONDERFUL

wait ryderrrr c'mon don't be a dick again you were so well

OH HELLO GWEN STACY SPIDERVERSE VIBES

not quiiiiite liking how sabine grew her gay haircut out in this but still digging the bike fit

also hello Natasha good luck pls treat my dear well i love her greatly!!!

hmmm not sure how much i like other non-OG ghost crew giving themselves Spectre callsigns yes i AM being gatekeepy fuck off

good sabine is running from authorities we do love that

hey her voice kinda matches that's great!

oh i'm liking her acting already

i think

SHE HAS A LOTH CAT ON HER HELMET

that's my GIRL

also it's very interesting how the pilots call each other by their spectre callsigns but address sabine--an ORIGINAL spectre--exclusively by name

lothkitty LOTHCAT

LITHCAT WITH THE FOOOOOFYTAIL AND LITTLE SPINDLE LEGS

im gonna DIE

it's so cute i can't even

also getting Emotions(TM) at ezra's old tower

hmm you think sabine has depression

FUCK OFF WITH THAT SABINE SEES EZRA MUSICAL CALLBACK

oh hey hey it's his original message to theeeeem

wait shit yeah it's the new one just to her

ooh it's eman! i can't see his faaaaace expressions but the voice sounds similar? like it seems like he's tryna match taylor's way of speaking good for him

ok yes but ezra is a jedi show pretty please for me don't go there with sabine

ok ok that's enough complaining from me lmao

ACTUALLY NO WAIT ONE MORE *inhales*

i would prefer sabine and ezra to stay platonic friends. no hate to shippers but i just personally would like them to be friends/siblings, that's what would make me happiest because i like to imagine sabine as a lesbian and also their dynamic as friends/siblings just makes me happy

but shippers are of course still welcome here and if they do become a couple i won't begrudge you your fun :')

ok ok ok ok ok NOW i'm done lmao

back to Best Boy sorry bby you were speaking and i interrupted you <3

oh hey hey he did say sister! i'd like that!!!

but also ezra when tf did you have the time to record those both weren't u a bit busy planning the attack on lothal

oh it's darkside goth girl

nice smoky eye

oh wait fuck she's got a PADAWAN BRAID

heyyyyyy i was RIGHT about the temple statues looking like nightsisters!

but wrong about darkside goth girl being one then tho

well masked emo fucker following bryan or whatever his name is is probs an inquisitor

wait wait wait does MORGAN have gold eyes?

ooooooo

oh no wait darkside apprentice has gold eyes again

ugh okay so we ARE getting force sensitive sabine then

alright fine i'll make my peace with it this episode

even though it makes no SENSE

no no pe not going there we are going to have FUN

aaaaa repeating ezra's final dialogue from the rebels finale ;_;

love the mirroring shots to rebels ep 1 RIGHT DOWN TO SABINE WEARING EZRA'S ORANGE

ahsoka and anakin leitmotiff coming back hmmm

oh wait fuck i think ezra drew those lothcats oof ;_;

ok good good we going back to sabine being the rightful art expert in the gffa take second place and DUNK urself thrawn

ok i get they're tryna make them ex master and apprentice but imma say it. imma SAY IT

ahsoka and sabine give awkward exes vibes

BIG awkward exes vibes

m a s t e r

you both know damn well she's gonna take it anyway or at least try who are y'all even kidding urselves

oooh surprise surprise the darksider are former jedi-associated

oh right his name's baylan not bryan

WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED

oh there's goth darkside girl

if anyone hurts sabine's cat i will kill the entire world and then myself

i swEAR TO GOD

WHY DOES THE SHOW KEEP MAKING AHSOKA AND SABINE SEEM LIKE ANGRY EXES LMAOOOO

COME ON

ahsoka ur being emo so hera is allowed to make a dig at anakin

hera you're trying your best girl lmao

it's always rule of three it seems

kinda gives me that mortis trinity vibe

this reminds me of the time i got one of those 3D puzzles from barnes and noble and i was supposed to take it apart and put it back together and failed utterly

ope she did it!

again if someone even TOUCHES that fucking cat wrong i go full john wick

bitch NO SHOOTING NEAR THE CAT

ope they smashed the map

ahsoka my dude i'm guessing you know where sabine lives why didn't u just go find her lmao

wait does sabine have ezra's green lightsaber i can't tell from the hilt because i'm shit at recognizing hilts

i can't even appreciate the duel because i am admittedly pouting but they are both very pretty at least

sabine how r u not getting ur hair chopped off

oh fuck she got stabbed?

maybe shoulda worn ur mando armor

oh and she's still MOVING

oh nope there she goes

oh wait who's Ray? :(

okay

okay okay okay

dave my dude.........

okay so i am going to take some time like a few minutes or so

and process this sabine thing

like if i cannot find a way to come to fucking terms with it i will not be able to enjoy this series

ik ik that sounds dramatic i'm just

hmm ok five minutes

[lunar-system]

the acolyte ep3 thoughts

(oops this became such a long post)

start of ep3. makes me thing of the force and the jedi order in a whole new different light. if a force is a fact in this universe, then there obviously is tons of different ideologies, beliefs and practices build around it. jedi order is only a one. and a very controlling and a masculinist one that denies any emotion of affection. so intrigued about the witches.

and that osha was forced to learn the jedi ways even after growing up in witchhood… she didn't want to be a witch, but did she want to be a jedi either? assimilation. colonisation. mae eventually went a violent route, and dares to oppose the jedi hegemony. she wanted to be a witch. she was in on it. it was her culture.

and the fact the they are specifically an all female community! against the masculinist jedi, even though there are different genders in jedi, but the organisation itself is army-like. and that it is called a coven and that they are witches.

the older women making their hair <3

they are the only children? no wonder osha feels suffocated, especially with the mantra that they make each other.

can you refuse your calling?

are they the children of the two named mothers? is there two-women pregnancies in star wars now? woow

i have such a bad feeling about this (lol). jedi gonna come to get those children away to assimilate them into their own coloniser ass order

i started watching this cause i wanted to see manny's cute face and now it's all serious and kids are gonna be traumatised big time

liveblog continues under the cut

no wonder they have accused this series of being woke, this coven is rad as hell

oh my god the kids were a miracle!! lesbian pregnancy in star wars canon! fuck yeah!!

they were forced into excile because they see and use the force differently than the jedi. this is such an in your face christianity oppresses other religions metaphor

oh poor osha why are they forcing a child in this situation!!!! she has no other choice but to vow UPON HER MOTHER'S DEATH??? This is not a free choice! She has no other choice! And she's so so scared. Poor kid. I take it back, this coven is not that rad, this is a big misstep

oh my god it's abigail!!!!! hiiii! ahhh beautful!! in the all femaile coven there is a trans woman actor!

and she did not ascend… but only by chance. not because the coven would have understood.

torbin was only a padawan… whatever happens, the jedi failed him as well. he too was just a kid. and he killed himself for whatever is going to happen.

"the all knowing jedi" AAOOOOOOO burn [me editing this: i didn't mean literally]

the jedi don't take children pfffhhht yeah right

they do not have a father <3

god this is too tense i can't watch

noooo sol don't recruite heeeerrr i hate you even though you are the best of them

but the best of the worst isn't much

fuck fuck fuck the mother is put in such a spot when her own kid wants to leave. when she admires the jedi and doesn't want to become a witch. hurts

"osha is a child" HA so shes a child when it's about becoming a jedi but not when it's about vowing an eternal vow over her mother's death??

uuuuhh the mother's are fightiiiing

"i did not bring them to this world so that…" maybe the white mom carried the girls?

next sentence: "I carried them." ha. well that solves it.

"i created them" ooooohhh!

"this isn't about good and bad. this is about power and whose allowed to use it." very true

i did not know star wars could be in depth and interesting like this and i'm already so sad this won't get future seasons because this is genuinely thought provoking.

"when you're older your wants will change" it's always such an icky justification for anything. but unfortunately she is probably right.

i feel so bad for both of the giiiiiirls. right now, more for osha. mae is at home with her people. osha yearns for something more.

oh my god the padawan is TOMMEN from game of thrones?? and the actor is almost my age? geez he had a baby face back then. he's almost thirty now! what!!

sol asks: "what do you want, osha?"

Why can't a single character here SEE THESE CHILDREN AS CHILDREN AND NOT FORCE LIFE ALTERING DECICIONS ON THEM AND USE THEM AS PAWNS

like, maybe a child should stay at home??? and maybe that home should not force vows on them?!

fuck you sol why are you using empathy as a recruiting tactic. well the answer is cause it works. but you are manipulating this child.

why am i getting so riled up over this, i don't usually get this riled up over things like this

Brave Osha. She doesn't know what she's getting into. But she wants to try.

okay ummm. mae. they weren't kidding about mae.

mae, who failed you so? was it because you two were raised to be a package deal? you were raised to be codependent? out of necessity, maybe, but still. they were not taught how to be separate, never, at all. but to kill her rather than let her leave?

HOW did they all die? they just laid there, dead? How? They had not burned. Did the jedi kill them? Did Mae kill them?

All of this cannot have started just because of Mae lit a little book on fire. The jedi must have come get the kids. And Mae knew this, saw it happen, has known all this time. And Osha has never known. Has always thought it was all Mae. "What have you done?" "What have YOU done?"

And when they saw each other again after all that time, Osha raised a gun against Mae. What Mae saw was jedi having indoxtrinated her. Osha had died. Only Jedi remained. But she was not a jedi. Could not become one. Why?

the destruction must have been caused by the jedi. wiping out the dangerous witches. right? those who use the force in dangerous, noncompliant ways?

TORBIN HAS FRESH SCAAAAAARS THEY HAVE BEEN FIIIIGHTIIIING OMG OMG OMG did HE kill the mother??? the figther mother? oh my god. he killed mae's mom probably in front of her. no wonder he could not find peace after that.

sol did not answer the question if it was the fire that killed mama. he cannot lie to the child. his heart was breaking for her. but he was complicit.

and mae. left as the only survivor in a fortress full of bodies. did she bury them? did she leave them as they were? all the caretakers she ever had. all now bodies, scattered around her home. jesus christ this series is dark. and her twin, her other half, gone. FUCK this shit is dark

[girlbossk]

well of course you wouldn’t feel the unknown visitors in the force. that’s their whole thing. no force.

[sauntering-down]

it's Monday and i did not wake up in a good mood, so i cheered myself up by rereading that time i experienced the first book in the New Jedi Order EU Star Wars series and liveblogged it to @cassiopixie. yes, that's the book where Chewie dies. no, she did not warn me. in case you want to experience the Nonsense™ for yourself...

well, i'm just diving into Vector Prime with absolutely no knowledge of the larger EU, so we'll see what happens

can't believe that run-on got published

…in what universe would Threepio's voice be considered "melodious" Leia. honey. are you okay. blink once for yes and twice for no.

if Mara's eyes sparkle or twinkle one more time i'm gonna riot

Mary: I was suddenly slammed with the memory of how there's a whole side plot in the EU with Luke falling in love with a Force Ghost who possesses another body and is from the planet CHAD me: ...what the unholy fuck

jfc i hope "Wurth Skidder" isn't a name because it's a fecking terrible one

hm, getting the impression Nomnom might be a bit of a douchebag yeah, he and his buddies just stoned a pit full of droids to death

tell me what's wrong with this, Mary. prove you're better than whoever edited this novel. also they're all young, in case you forgot. in case you forgot Danni is a young woman… she's young.

ah yes, he happily removes his disguise and surveys his "ornamental disfigurements" like a split eyelid and torn mouth, because that's totally a normal thing to do

THEY FUCKING COMMUNICATE THROUGH LUMPS WITH EYES THAT THEY STROKE A LOT MARY I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

the thing turns itself inside-out and resembles the head of the dude he's talking to. what. the. fuck!

ah yes, recreational organ transplants, my favorite activity

this Wookiee's name is Triebakk and i s2g i keep reading it as Trebek so this Wookiee is Alex Trebek, the beloved host of Jeopardy gets really funny when the dude howls in protest imagine someone getting a Jeopardy question wrong and Alex Trebek just screaming wordlessly at them

politics are boring. i hope Jacen goes full Darth Brayden on them soon and stabs somebody

me: how much younger is he than the twins? Mary: Like…three years younger, I think??? Mary: So obviously he's not a baby, but a BABY all the same me: the wiki says a year and a half lol. so he'd be between 14 and 15, since the twins are 16… me: not QUITE a baby. a senior baby, perhaps. (aka the reason Anakin Solo is referred to as 'Senior Baby' frequently for the rest of this thing)

this story is going to be an ordeal

okay yeah Anakin's 15 and fucked up the Falcon by trying some flashy flying lmao gosh i love reading about characters who don't, you know, get off on MUTILATING THEMSELVES

HAH Anakin insults the Falcon and Chewie threatens to bite the kid's lightsaber in half. this is why the sequels sucked. none of this tomfoolery.

Lando invented an asteroid-dodging game that's only MODERATELY dangerous and somehow i'm not surprised at all

Mary: God do these guys ever RELAX and NOT TORTURE EACH OTHER

me: that'd be a no Mary: I…are we just reading carefully disguised hentai? me: very possibly

Mara's sick, the ~mysterious illness~ aka what's probably like mutated YV sperm or something, these sick fucks, is attacking her uterus and she's afraid she won't be able to have children… got some news for ya, lady you'll have a Ben eventually. he's MUCH better than the one we have now, i'm sure…

Jacen's in a Mood so he goes to annoy his little brother, a relatable sentiment

oh god Jacen is in top "i'm older and i know best so let me lecture you" form

YES THEY'RE GONNA LIGHTSABER BATTLE FUCK EACH OTHER UP a proper non-masochistic beatdown fuck yeah

Han's still fixing the Falcon and in the process gets annoyed at Chewie and zaps him in the ass with a live wire. i think this is flirting.

HAN AND LEIA ARE STILL DEEPLY IN LOVE SO FUCK YOU SEQUELS

point in this book's favor, Leia occasionally feels a little jealous of Mara's mentor-student relationship with Jaina, but overall the two of them get along REALLY well and it's just nice to see. no bitchiness or nonsense. good female friendship.

Yomin Carr, sabotaging a ship: ew ew ew i have to touch this filthy technology with my pure mutilated Yuuzhan Vong hands

i'm glad you're my copilot on this adventure. i think otherwise i would've quit right around the time the sadomasochistic rituals started…

k we're starting off at a dock on a planet called Reecee. i initially read that as Reeeee and wondered why anyone needed that many Es

Lando: hugs Han Lando: hugs Leia LONGER Han: >:||||| Lando: gives Mara the ULTIMATE HUG Luke: hell yeah my wife totally deserves this

this rando Jedi named Kyp has the top time when it comes to racing through the asteroid belt and Jaina reeeeeally wants to beat him lol Jacen crashes Anakin does better and then faceplants into a giant asteroid Jaina finally crashes after 27 minutes, more than doubling Kyp's time Anakin hasn't come back so i'm just gonna assume he's still floating around out there until i'm told otherwise

MAYBE I'D RATHER READ ABOUT JAINA BEING BADASS THAN PEOPLE GETTING CLEAVED OPEN WITH AXES, YOMIN CARR. EVER THOUGHT OF THAT

lmao Kyp's squadron leaves while blasting music through the loudspeakers and showing off their cool flying

okay, so far Jaina is all awesome all the time, Jacen won't quit philosophizing, and Anakin's the only one who acts like a normal teenager

Kyp's squad is called the Dozen-and-Two Avengers and ngl that does not roll off the tongue at all

OH BOY now Lando wants Han to go to Sernpidal, aka the next target of ol' Nomnom and Luke and Mara are going to the planet Yomin Carr just climate-changed to death Leia tells Han to take their least exciting Senior Baby son with him

and Kyp figures out a way to make it to Sernpidal. DON'T DO IT THE YUUZHAN VONG ARE GOING TO HAVE PAIN ORGIES THERE AND THEN DROP A MOON ON THE PLACE

sweet, it's Miko! he's going to be fed to a tentacle beast shortly, but hey, he's alive for now what with all the hentai and sadomasochism so far, i guess vore was next on the board

Nom Nom and Da'Gara: wow can't wait to mentally break this Jedi before we toss him to the tentacles!!! evil chuckling

every time Anakin and Chewie are in the same room, they pick on one another lol Chewie, you're like, 300 years old. stop stooping to a fifteen-year-old's level

welp, apparently in seven hours the moon's going to crash into the planet. THANKS NOM NOM

they've figured out SOMETHING is pulling the moon down. i can tell them right now it's disgusting because the YV thrive on that shit Anakin's gonna go find it while Han and Chewie evac as many people as they can… look at Senior Baby, finally getting to do something

god dammit Artoo you're supposed to lay off the rum i bet you haven't been going to your AA meetings again

me: this stuff would be really cool if it wasn't the fucking Yuuzhan Vong Mary: It would also be cool if it wasn't ONE WHOLE SENTENCE

#relatable

MARA SHANKS THIS BITCH FUCK YEAH press F to pay respects to Yomin Carr? I DON'T THINK SO

oooh, Miko's still alive! i guess they're torturing him by tricking his brain into thinking he's being repeatedly vored

Anakin Solo Has Two Dads

Chewie just fucking YEETS Anakin at Han lol

me: OH MY GOD WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK me: WHAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUCK Mary: …I didn't want to tell you that this was the infamous book where Chewie dies, but… me: CHEWIE NOOOOOO .__.

like, okay, getting an entire moon to the face is a badass way to go, but OMG WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY??????

now i feel bad for Senior Baby. he is baby. someone give him a hug

well, at least Anakin Gets Shit Done, rescuing the x-wing while they're being attacked by insects and he fries them with some electricity, which even Han is happy about. i am also happy because the last couple interactions between them were difficult to read lol

me: oh good, Jacen's not being a dick to Anakin about what happened to Chewie me: awwww Jaina is a good sister, hugging him and all Mary: They're good sibs me: too bad about that death and Sith thing

maybe you should lend Mara to your sons for a while, especially Senior Baby

let's EAT while reading about the fucking Yuuzhan Vong jerking off to pain

i have to revise my earlier prediction, i kinda love them all might be ride-or-die for Senior Baby, surprisingly. he's growing on me

Anakin: alright Jaina's the good pilot let's do some wild telepathic mind-joining shit so she can kick ass and take names through us! Jacen: welp, okay

we were deprived of Darth Aiden and got Darth Jaiden instead. tragedy.

anyway, the sibs do amazing for a bit, but then Anakin gets overloaded and loses the bond then i think he blasts off into hyperspace to escape the asteroids before he goes splat, but blacks out in the process nobody has ANY idea where he went, but Han and Leia go after him anyway. good luck dudes

meanwhile, Anakin's chilling out in dead space like "well, if my sibs are okay, that's cool, i don't mind dying. if they're dead, i'm gonna fucking riot"

Da'Gara: maybe i should be worried about the lack of communication from Yomin Carr? nah lol gonna focus on glory and shit instead

Han: WHERE did these idiot kids get their recklessness from????? Leia: wow. much wonder. very surprise.

Lando: the pilot was wearing a mask we think connected her to the ship, but nobody's tested it. Luke: aight hold on a second

oh thank GOD Han's stopped being a dick, actually hugs his poor kid

Jacen gets to put on the creepy YV living pain suit and creepy YV living breathing apparatus such fun

Miko… goes down taking two more YV with him. godspeed, dude

Jaina, Consummate Badass Pilot, catches the iceborer and skips off into hyperspace in one gorgeous movement

the war council convenes and pretty much decides they are SO fucked …so they're gonna like. evaporate as much moisture off the planet as possible, cool it down so the volcanoes quit working and the entire thing freezes. that doesn't sound right but i don't know enough about science to refute it

Senior Baby getting all excited about physics over here

…there are NINETEEN books in the NJO series how many different ways can you have the Yuuzhan Vong fetishizing pain and destroying entire planets

Mary: Thank you for letting me come with you on this wild ride hahaha me: no problem, my dude me: i will never ever touch anything from the EU ever again me: fucking Yuuzhan Vong Mary: Any EU book is better than Crystal Star, where Luke is sad because he can't feel the Force because a sun exploded near them, so he joins a cult that worships a giant golden blob me: that's just an average Wednesday afternoon for me

[softpadawan]

Liveblogging Jedi Fallen Order pt. 2

In the time between this post and the last, I have learned that the Mantis is basically a luxury yacht. And you've got this filthy probably-smelly scrapper Jedi on board with no idea how hard it is to get oil stains out of potolli weave fabric. It's Pretty Woman set in the GFFA

Greez in the galley, making food, having a crisis LOLOLOL

Ah, we meet Merrin! I wasn't expecting such a thick accent (why did I think she would sound like Buffy Summers? And why is it that the Nightsisters have accents but the Nightbrothers don't?) 🤔

I'm actually surprised there's anyone left on Dathomir, but everyone forgets the Nightbrothers I guess.

Damn that looks like Maul's lair. Wait, is that a GRILL? Was Maul a BBQ fiend? Is that why he looks like a bottle of extra spicy Tex-Mex rib sauce? 🍖

NO NO CAL, DON'T TALK TO STRANGE OLD GUYS IN HOODS IN SPOOKY DARK PLACES. THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN TO A KID NAMED EZRA IN ABOUT 11 YEARS AND THAT DIDN'T TURN OUT WELL EITHER

Greez calling Cal "weirdo" again hehehe

Cal used Push... IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!

I like how Cal periodically runs his hand through his hair in idle moments. Yeah, dude, we know your hair is perfect 🙄

STUMBLING UPON SOME HIDEOUS GIANT RAT-THINGS EATING A DEAD STORMTROOPER, JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE GFFA LOL

Gather round, kids, time for another one of Greez's cockpit talks *sits crosslegged on the floor*

I hope Cal knows to keep his ankles together and clench his sphincter when diving feet-first into water

Perfect hair, even when wet (of course)

I don't know what the actual gameplay is like, but in this video, Cal has a new poncho every time he visits a new location. Are there tourist shops on Dathomir and Kashyyyk where they sell ponchos? Is Cal picking up a new one every time he goes somewhere? Is this a souvenir side quest?

HANG ON TO THOSE VINES, TARZAN

Cal performs the Zeb Orrelios Double-head Knock Maneuver™ on the Walker pilots LOLOL Maybe it's a Lasat move and Cal learned it from his Master. Bonus: "I can't believe that actually worked."

CAL CACKLING AS HE AND BD-1 TAKE CONTROL OF THE WALKER LOLOL I FEEL YOU MAN, I'D BE LAUGHING TOO

The fact that Cal didn't scream and shit himself when Saw Gerrera suddenly appears on his windshield is proof that this is pure fiction.

Cal: What are you guys doing? Saw: Pissing off the Empire. Wanna help? Cal, with approx. 47 current missions, shrugging: Sure why not

OH GOD THESE WALKERS DON'T HAVE AIRBAGS OR SEATBELTS OR ANYTHING AND WE'RE GOING DOWN, HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTT, BD

Annnnd this is how Cal gets roped into the rebellion!

Cal freeing Wookiee prisoners just like Ezra does 10 years later 🥲

YIKES that Purge Trooper sounds just a little bit too horny to see a Jedi 😳

Holyshit that special attack move is incredibly sexy, I love it when one dude just rolls across the back of another dude. Just bros being dudes fighting to the death

Oh fuck OH FUCK CAL WATCH OUT THERE'S A SECURITY DROID RIGHT BEHIND— *Cal gets lifted up and tossed like a candy wrapper* I swear it sounds like he grunts "OW DAMMIT" when he lands* Where are your Jedi instincts man? Lol

Cal awkwardly accepting thanks from the free Wookiees is so cute

I love it when he smiles. I am so in love with this guy it's embarrassing.

HOLY SHIT CAL DON'T GET SET ON FIRE, IF YOU LOSE YOU HAIR I WILL FORCE CHOKE THE EMPIRE MYSELF—

Boy, with all this ruckus Cal's causing on Kashyyyk, it's only a matter of time before Biggus Dickus hears of this.

Saw's speech is putting tears in my eyes, god stop it man

Is... is anybody going to put those fires out??

"I'm a very positive guy. I'm positive that if I die, I'll be very upset." I LOVE YOU GREEZ

Second Sister, in a haughty drawl: Cal Kest— Cal, if he were me: AUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH! Stop scr AUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH! Stop screaming I just— AUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!

I actually like Trilla more than I thought I would

Oh hohoho she's getting Cal pissed off, I like that. "What would Jaro Tapal say if he could see his Padawan now?" ...maybe I've been reading too much smutfic, but that sounds like a line straight out of a smutfic. Now I'm imagining Cal bound spread-eagle and [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]

Cal, fiercely: I won't let anyone touch them [young Force sensitive children] DAD CAL WILL PROTECT EVERY KID IN THE GALAXY TRILLA DON'T TEST HIM

Cal sure does squeeze through a lot of tight spots. It's cute when BD hops off his back and onto his shoulder or arm

Are... are all Purge Troopers this horny about killing? Is it a requirement? "Must be this psychotic and horny to qualify"?

OH SHIT NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN CAL IF YOU LOSE YOUR FKKN SABER AGAIN I WILL COME THROUGH THIS SCREEN AND yessss remember Jaro's teachings! Good boy (I feel like I'm raising this kid lol)

Squeezing through passages yet again. This boy has more in common with Ezra than he'll ever know LMAO Kanan now has TWO duct-spelunking gremlins to deal with. Everyone say a prayer for Kanan Jarrus

"I don't care if they're a Jedi, a Wookiee or a Bogling, I'm going to destroy them!" Props to the stormtrooper for using a non-binary pronoun for Cal until he learns his preferred one LOL "We may be evil fascists, but we won't stand for misgendering our enemies!"

Cordova, I'm getting just a liiiiiittle bit sick and tired of your obsession with ancient artifacts. Your name henceforth will be Jedindiana Jones.

Ba-GONK? Really? A droid named Ba-Gonk? HAHAHAHA

OH SHIT HE'S LIGHTING MY BOY UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE WHAT NONONO

OH GOD WHERE'S BD IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HIM I'M GONNA AAAAA CAL CALLING FOR HIS LITTLE BUDDY I'M SCARED AND FURIOUS

Cal muttering "these jerks" as he takes the restraining bolt off BD 😭

IS THAT THE HU Cal: Hey, I recognize this band. I RECOGNIZED THEM FIRST

Sorc Tormo, no relation to the Grandmaster of Sakaar I'm sure LOL Ooh what is this, a gladiator scene? Are we gonna see Cal in a loincloth? (wishful thinking)

OH HELL IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MUTANT CROCOFROGS FROM THE FLORIDA EVERGLADES, AND THIS ONE IS ON MIAMI BATH SALTS

This scene would have been 9000% better if Cal were in a loincloth and knee-high gladiator sandals, just saying

Annnd the Mantis arrives in time to save Cal! Hoo boy Cere, you got some splainin to do

Greez, having another crisis: This is fine. Everything's gonna be fine

Aww Greez waking Cal up again for a chat 🥺 Cal don't be mean, Greez just wants to know what's going on :( CAL SAY SOMETHING, GREEZ IS POURING HIS HEART OUT TO YOU "You two are the best thing that ever happened in my life" GAWD I'M WEEPING PAPA GREEZ

Sometimes a family is a crusty old pilot with a gambling addiction, a traumatized former Jedi, and a masterless Padawan with more scars than happy memories

"That's a game term." "I know what it is." 😂

"I'm busy. I gotta figure out what to cook next." Getting some STRONG Italian grandma vibes from Greez

Hoo boy ANOTHER horny Purge Trooper (wtf is he wielding? It looks heavy and cumbersome) Purge Trooper, orgasmically: YeeEEeess! FIGHT MEEE! Cal: Not until you buy me dinner

"Electrohammer Purge Trooper". Sounds like a mixed drink or a funky novelty dance from the late 90s.

Ninth Sister is going to make strawberry-ginger jelly outta Cal and spread him on her morning toast 😳

Cal's boots are gonna be so caked and crusty after sliding through 10km of Kashyykian mud, Greez is gonna have to hose him down before he lets him in the ship LOL

GIANT VENUS FLY TRAPS oh boy Cal narrowly escaping getting vored again

Hollllyyyy SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GIANT BIRD IT'S THE SIZE OF A SHIP Cal: What is that thing? Is is a bird? Yes. Is it a plane? Also yes.

I love Cal's little baby Padawan voice (Why couldn't they have made FPJ's Kanan/Caleb sound like that? Instead we got a Padawan who has a 3 kids, a mortgage, and a receding hairline.)

Hurt Shyyyo bird uh oh! We need Dr Bridger here STAT!

Awww Cal has a way with animals, too. I'd love to see him and Ezra bonding over their connection to animals.

Kanan seeing his partner and his Padawan bring home yet another injured animal: YOU ARE RELEASING THIS ONE GO BACK INTO THE WILD, UNDERSTAND? NO MORE ANIMALS ON THIS SHIP Cal and Ezra: But Kaaaaayyyy...

I KNEW HE'D BE HOPPING A RIDE ON THAT BIRD SOONER OR LATER (🎵 I believed he could fly 🎶)

OMG when BD runs it's like a cockatiel puttering across the floor at 100 mph HAHAH I would die for that droid 😢

Ooh costume switch in this play. Cal looks fucking hot in the Inquisitor uniform

Aww Cere and Greez have dinner lunch ready when Cal comes in, I love seeing families eat in the GFFA

God this is the most uncomfortable dinner ever. Cloud City dinner with Vader doesn't even come close

GREEZ HAS BEEN SALTING HIS FOOD FOR A SOLID MINUTE JFC IT'S INEDIBLE NOW

Cal don't be an ass, Cere is pouring her heart out to you... I forget that he's just 18 sometimes 🙄

(I just found out that Debra Wilson is playing Cere, no wonder she was so familiar to me. Also I love her)

"This Cordova guy's really putting some wear and tear on my ship." SEND HIM A BILL, GREEZ, I'M SERIOUS

"Dathomir. The one place in the galaxy we don't want to see any closer... and the one place we're trying to get to, Mr Frodo."

Oh HELL dead Nightsisters, this is even worse than when Maul called them up from the grave in Rebels, these ones are still juicy

In a situation like this, you can only do one thing: THE MONSTER MASH

And this is where I've gotta call it a night. I hope my losing my mind has been entertaining

[azems-familiar]

life/fic update

so! you guys may have noticed that it's. been a while since i've updated things. and that i've promised updates and then missed the deadlines. i kind of wanted to give an update on that whole thing and let you know when you can expect more fic to come out.

so a little over a week ago, i moved out of the frankly toxic environment i'd been in (which was constantly triggering my anxiety and super stressful for my cat, Jinn) into a hotel, where i've been living and will be for another week. after that week is up, i'm moving up to stay with @sith-shenanigans actually (fear our combined powers as siblings this is a threat), and then starting a new job (the same one i have currently but at a different store) at the end of November. things have been. extremely stressful lately and there has not been much brain for writing, so while i've tried to get fic done i haven't gotten very far.

there should hopefully be a chapter of the HP AU coming out by the end of the month - we're working on that actively right now - and i'd like to get a chapter of my kotor series out in the next couple of weeks, depending on how the move goes and whatnot, but i can't make any promises currently, which i'm sorry for. i can't offer much, but here, have a small tidbit of writing to tide you over:

And so it’s almost a full week after landing on the burial world that Revan gathers supplies - they’re beginning to run low, and if they don’t find the map within the next couple of days she will have to send Alek to Dreshdae to replenish them either way, because they’re going to need to be able to make it back to the more populated sectors to resupply before they follow the coordinates this map is supposed to give them - and starts out for the last of the easily-accessible tombs, Alek at her shoulder as he always is, his presence a reassurance against the cold wind and ceaselessly-shifting sands. (Not against the Dark, because the Dark has been a companion - if not a constant one - since Malachor, slipping along the edges of her dreams with icy fingers, present every time she reaches for the Force and making it near-impossible to touch it the way she used to, the way she was trained to. And gods, some part of her still whispers, what would the Jedi Council think?, but they abandoned any right to judge her when they refused to join her cause, and she hasn’t cared for their opinions in years, hasn’t even been a part of their Order for them to critique her actions since Onderon and maybe even earlier. And after Dromund Kaas, what they in their blindness and their complacency would ignore, she doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t herself and Alek. So maybe she uses the Dark, maybe she’s reached too far into the forbidden side of the Force - but it’s what won her the war and what saved her in the unknown, and there is no one left whose opinions she cares about to doubt her.)

(and, as always, if you want to chat with me or want live, real-time updates of writing and everything else, feel free to join the hell discord, in which there is a great deal of liveblogging writing attempts and yelling at Revan and co)

[bedlamsbard]

Putting aside aesthetics and characterization (inasmuch as I can), I have been trying to logic out why Mando Ahsoka feels so different from Rebels Ahsoka (to me, personally; I know many other people feel fine about it), especially in terms of having a character who’s known in Rebels for her “I am no Jedi” line going to a character who is specifically introduced as “The Jedi” in The Mandalorian.  (And who is identified as “Ahsoka Tano, Jedi Knight” on merch -- merch is merch, it’s essentially meaningless, but it’s still a choice that was made somewhere along the line.)

“Shroud of Darkness,” Rebels 2.17

“Twilight of the Apprentice,” Rebels 2.21

This is strictly Doylist and not Watsonian; I don’t care what went on in the character’s life in between Rebels and Mando; I’m trying to guess what was happening in the writers room.

I was noodling through this on Twitter, in case it looks familiar.

My first thought was Dave taking a cut scene from Rebels as canon going into Mando, something he shared on Twitter back in the lead-up to S4.  Looking at this again I’m not sure this was a cut scene or a scene that he wrote that never made it into the actual script. (Certainly I can’t see how it would have fit into the episode.)

Here Bendu specifically identifies Ahsoka as “former Jedi Knight.”  This is also obviously not canon, because Twitter posts aren’t canon, Dave.  (Though that doesn’t mean that he might have taken it as part of his working backstory for the character anyway.)

I was then thinking about TCW and the unused TCW arcs as they existed in 2016 when this aired (with the rough guess that Rebels S2 was probably written in 2014).  There are three Ahsoka arcs that were written and existed in 2016 in some form (”scripts and some artwork” is what Pablo Hidalgo says, and some pre-viz and recordings from the original Walkabout arc that were shown at a couple Celebrations), but which hadn’t made it into S6 (which came out in 2014): Ahsoka’s Walkabout (in its original form with Nix Okami instead of the Martez sisters), the Siege of Mandalore, and an arc which would have taken place between those two, “Return to the Jedi.”  We know about these because of a panel from Star Wars Celebration Europe in 2016 called Ahsoka’s Untold Tales -- I was actually at this panel, but I haven’t thought about it in a while.  Here’s the SW.com liveblog of it; here’s the video.

I remember hearing somewhere that the TCW team had nine seasons or so written, but can’t find the source for that number now.  When S7 was made, there were obviously a lot of compromises made that we’ll never really know about, minus a tell-all memoir or documentary, which probably isn’t coming any time soon.  Knowing that this Return to the Jedi arc existed, I wondered if at one point Dave had tried to get all three Ahsoka arcs into S7 before having to give one up for the Bad Batch arc (especially as we now know there’s going to be a Bad Batch TV show); it’s also entirely possible that at one point in the production process there was the possibility of a full 22 episode season floated, which would have made three Ahsoka arcs in one season less unbalanced.

I went to go look up what the Return to the Jedi arc actually was, since 2016 was a long time ago and I haven’t really thought about this panel since.  My guess is that it had been intended for one Ahsoka arc per remaining season (7, 8, 9).  Pablo Hidalgo says that after the Walkabout arc, Ahsoka would have stayed on Coruscant as “an under-city vigilante of some degree, helping people who can’t help themselves,” and Dave points out that he talked about this with George Lucas, as well.  The Return of the Jedi arc would have involved Ahsoka finding out about a nefarious plot targeting Yoda and working with the Jedi to figure out what’s what with that -- this revealed that below the Jedi Temple was an ancient Sith shrine. (Some details of this were revealed at Star Wars Celebration Anaheim in 2015.)

Ahsoka would have been protecting the holocron vault from Darth Sidious, putting her lightsaber blade through the door while Palps shoots Force lightning up the blade.

“The whole purpose of that particular arc would have been to bring Ahsoka back. She’s not a Jedi, she doesn’t change her decision, but she gets involved in Jedi business again.”

The next Ahsoka arc and the final arc of the series would have been the Siege of Mandalore arc, which “reunites Ahsoka with the clone troopers, with Anakin.”  My guess is that the end of the Return to the Jedi arc would have involved Ahsoka making the decision to go to Mandalore because the Jedi themselves couldn’t get involved in that conflict at the time (especially the emphasis in the panel that Pablo and Dave put on Ahsoka as being “a responsible person” who couldn’t ignore that the war was still going on, and because Ahsoka knew Satine).  (It would be interesting to know when if this arc would have fallen before or after the Darth Maul - Son of Dathomir comics, which are based off another unmade TCW arc.)  This would probably have put as much as a season between this arc and the final arc -- given TCW’s funky timeline that doesn’t mean much, but in terms of audience expectation it helps.

(also, damn, the context of the beginning of Siege of Mandalore in the original concept vs. how it actually happens in S7 is very different -- like, on the surface identical but the emotions involved are totally different.)

Before going into the next part of the panel (post-war), Pablo Hidalgo adds “We consider it to have happened and that’s how we inform the writing in Rebels, because that’s the history that these characters carry in their heads.”

So going into Rebels, the writing team was working with the background that Ahsoka had not only left the Jedi Order once, in “The Wrong Jedi,” but had reinforced her decision not to go back to the Jedi by not returning to the Order during the Return to the Jedi arc.  That explains why in Rebels she’s so adamant about not being a Jedi or being in the Order; it’s a decision that she has made not once, but twice.

Fast forward four years to 2020, where we have the Siege of Mandalore arc in S7.

It’s heavily implied that Ahsoka was planning to go back to the Order after the end of the war, and in fact Yoda treats her as such.

Now, there’s no way to know if this exchange was in the original Siege of Mandalore scripts short of those being released at some point (which is possible but seems unlikely when the character is still in play), but because of the way S7 plays out there is no way to put the Return to the Jedi arc back into the story, which means all the emotional context and Ahsoka doubling down on not returning to the Order is thrown out of the window.  That’s a fair chunk of backstory to take into the Rebels writers room.

(It should also be noted that presumably E.K. Johnston wrote the Ahsoka novel with the assumption that that arc was still part of Ahsoka’s working canon, though she may not have seen scripts for it; I feel like I read somewhere that she had seen scripts for the original version of the Siege of Mandalore, which changed quite a lot between original concept and the eventual 2020 version, as is evident from the novel vs the show.)

Going into The Mandalorian, then, Dave Filoni is not only working without a writers room (as Mando has only had two writers, Dave Filoni and Jon Favreau), but working with an entirely different continuity than what the Rebels writers room was working with.

Trying to backtrack when various scripts were written is an exercise in futility to some extent; I usually guess anywhere from a year to two years out from when the shows air.  (I seem to remember that around this time in 2016 it came out that Katee Sackhoff was doing something for Disney, which ended up being the recording for Bo-Katan in Rebels S4, which wouldn’t air for another year, but don’t quote me on these dates.)  Dave ends the panel by saying that “After the season 2 finale for Rebels I was very adamant that that was it for Ahsoka...in Rebels...but after this reaction it might just be possible...it might be possible to see her again. She might have something to do. Maybe.”  (For those trying to run dates in their heads: the con was in July 2016, the season 2 finale aired in March 2016, WBW aired in February 2018.)  My guess is that they hadn’t recorded for that part of S4 yet (and S4 is so weirdly paced that I have questions about how it was made), but that the initial scripts for S4 had already been written at this point.

Looking back at the Star Wars Celebration Chicago 2019 TCW panel where Ashley Eckstein talks about getting the news about TCW S7 from Dee Bradley Baker (rather than from Dave Filoni, and hoo boy is this uncomfortable to watch knowing that the script for “The Jedi” had almost certainly been written and Dave may have already made the decision not to talk to Ashley about it), there’s still not like...a clear way to tell when that happened.  Except that Dee talks about “wine tasting with the Rebels,” which likely puts it back when Rebels S4 was either still actively airing (2017-2018) or before it had wrapped filming (2017).  (I actually vaguely remember seeing pictures from this wine tasting but I can’t remember whose twitter it was on and going to look feels creepy.)  Probably the scripts weren’t fully revised at that point but they may have been -- still, this was certainly after S2 and could potentially be before S4 had been fully finalized.  We got the TCW renewal announcement in 2019, but the animation wasn’t fully completed yet so didn’t get more than that teaser trailer.  This is only important insofar as it involves which set of backstory was being used for WBW Ahsoka, an episode that Dave Filoni wrote and co-directed.  (Honestly? I think Mando Ahsoka matches okay with WBW Ahsoka but is a little off Rebels S2 Ahsoka, but that’s off my memory of WBW, an episode I refuse to rewatch.)  Certainly with the epilogue he knew he was setting up for something else.

ETA: I FORGOT AN IMPORTANT PART OF THIS TIMELINE AND THAT’S THE RISE OF SKYWALKER because I try not to think about TROS, frankly, but as we may remember Ahsoka is included in the “be with me” scene in the final confrontation.  This always struck me as weird given the “I am no Jedi” thing from Rebels, but she’s the most well-known female Force-user so I had just mentally written it off as easy shorthand and JJ Abrams being lazy about it. HOWEVER, presumably JJ talked to Dave about which prequel era Jedi to include (there’s a note in one of the previous SWC liveblogs about Rian Johnson being in the Rebels writers room at some point).  TROS came out in December 2019, I can’t recall exactly when they did the voiceovers for that scene (if anyone has ever mentioned it), but it was probably fairly late in the process since I believe that there were still edits being made up until fairly soon before the premiere.  (I have a completely different theory that the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special from this year was written off an earlier version of TROS.)  If Dave had already moved towards making Ahsoka more inclined towards the Jedi, with a full-on return to calling herself one regardless of the existence of the Order (as Mando implies), then her inclusion here makes a LOT more sense than it did a year ago.

Anyway this is all very conspiracy theorist, but it does explain something that was puzzling me: Rebels S2 Ahsoka and Mando Ahsoka (as well as TCW S7 Ahsoka and potentially Rebels S4 Ahsoka) were written off slightly different backstories which differed in one very key thing: how committed Ahsoka was to no longer being a Jedi.

Now, this sort of thing happens all the time in anything with an ongoing continuity; obviously TCW makes major changes to how viewers might read or write Obi-Wan and Anakin/Vader in RotS or the OT.  I was just trying to narrow it down in this particular case because until I started thinking about it I had assumed that it was all being written off the same assumed backstory. And many people read Ahsoka differently in Mando than I did or found her perfectly in character, this was for me to track references down about something that was bothering me in hopes of an explanation that would satisfy me.

[friendly-jester]

finally starting my star wars watch!!! if i liveblog posts will be tagged with my usual liveblog tags and “rory’s star wars extravaganza”

here’s the list i made of how to watch everything in timeline order if anyone was curious !!

Star Wars Watch Order:

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Clone Wars x

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

The Bad Batch

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Star Wars: Rebels

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Episode IV: A New Hope

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

The Mandalorian (both seasons)

The Book of Boba Fett

Star Wars Resistance (Season 1 Ep. 1-19)

Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Resistance (Season 1 Ep. 20-21)

Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

Star Wars Resistance (Season 2)

Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

Star Wars: Visions 

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch. 14-19

This is the “Elevator Action” arc, presumably named after the 1983 video game of the same name.   I’m pretty sure a lot of Hellsing arcs are named for video games, which makes me wonder about the ones that aren’t.   Like, is “Master of Monster” a video game that I just haven’t heard of?  

The title fits, in the sense that there’s an elevator in the story, but we don’t spend much time there.   Anyway, this thing starts off with Alucard checking into a ritzy hotel in Rio de Janiero, and his only luggage is two big-ass coffins covered in sheets.  What happens next might surprise you...

For some reason, the guy at the front desk objects to Al’s luggage, not because they’re coffins, but because they’re just really big?   Like, he’s not even remotely suspicious, even though the sheets sort of hint that they’re trying to smuggle something in.   No, this guy just thinks it’s too big.    So Alucard uses vampire hypnotic powers or whatever to Jedi Mind Trick him.   Pip Bernadotte thinks it’s a “sex beam”, and yeah, this dude sure looks like he got hit with a sex beam.  

Seras is part of this mission, but she can’t travel over running water, so she had to make the transatlantic flight in her coffin.    Apparently they tricked her into this, which I don’t understand, but okay.  

And Al makes a big production over the debut of his own coffin, because he’s a diva like that.  

During the trip, Seras fell asleep, and she dreams of a visitation by the guy who played Baron Harkonnen in the Dune movie.   I think?   This is all a big gag revolving around her gun being named after a guy in Dune.    Then Alucard wakes her up because there’s helicopters and soldiers surrounding their hotel, and he thinks it’s awesome.

A bunch of this arc is panels and panels of commando goons taking up positions and getting ready.    A Brazilian newscaster is there covering the story, which he says is a hostage situation.    The authorities seem to think Alucard and Seras massacred a bunch of people in the hotel, and have hostages on the top floor.    It’s weird that they would even have a photo of Seras for this, since no one saw her.   As for Alucard, they identify him as “J.H. Brenner”, which I believe was an alias Dracula used in the Bram Stoker novel.   He shoulda spelled it backwards.   “Yes, I have a reservation for R. E. Nnerbhj”.   

Also, these photos are just panels from the Valentine Bros. arc.    That’s Seras killing ghouls in her berzerker rage, and that’s Alucard chillaxing while he waits for Luke Valentine to find him.   How would a Brazilian TV station have these?   I’m starting to think this comic about gun-toting vampires might not be on the level.

So now all the main cast can see this situation unfold on international television.   Pip watches from his crappy one-star hotel room, Integra, Walter, and the Convention of Twelve watch from Jolly Old England, and Millennium is watching from... well, somewhere.   

They clearly orchestrated this whole situation, which means they not only knew about Alucard’s mission, but they had a whole thing prepared for him.   As far as they’re concerned, this is just a test to see if Alucard will kill humans as readily as he hunts monsters.

What follows is, well, a bloodbath.   The police try to enter Alucard’s hotel room, only to find his coffin, engraved with “The BIrd of Hermes is my name, Eating my wings to make me tame.” While they try to suss out that riddle, Alucard shows up and demands they stay away from his coffin, so they shoot at him for like three pages in a row.    But bullets don’t work on Alucard, so he just grows back a new everything and starts slaughtering these guys.

The last guy in the room is so horrified that he just gives up and shoots himself, which actually shocks, then enrages Alucard.   

Then he tells Seras to come out of a cupboard he hid her in, and he gets all upset when she objects to his killing humans.    “Look, this is war,” he tells her, but that look he gives her at the end kind of suggests that he knows she has a point.    Those cops were never any match for him.    The two of them could have easily escaped this penthouse without a scratch.    Alucard’s ethics may excuse this kind of overkill in the line of duty, but he knows it’s not right. 

This scene also marks the first (only?) time Seras defies him.   There’s a part in the Gonzoverse series where Alucard is about to execute a human reporter who Knows Too Much, so she pulls a gun on him, but then Integra shows up and is like “No, it’s cool, you can kill this lady, idgaf.”  I guess that whole moment mirrors this one pretty well now that I write it out.    Seras doesn’t like how this is playing out.   She joined Hellsing to fight vampires, not human police officers, but she still follows Alucard’s lead in the end.   So is he influencing her, or is she influencing him?   It’s kind of hard to tell.

And maybe Seras really did make an impression on Al, because the next thing he does is call Integra to report in and confirm his orders.     She told him “Search and Destroy” before he left, but that was before all these human dupes shows up at his doorstep.     He’s willing and able to kill them without regret, but he wants to know if Integra is cool with it, since she’s the one calling the shots.    But Integra holds firm and insists that nothing has changed.    She looks resolute here, but leading up to this moment she was pretty anxious about what Alucard was going to do with all these humans.   

So why is Walter so giddy about this?  Is he just proud to see his commander displaying this ruthless leadership style?   Or is it something more?    After she hangs up, she asks Walter if she made the right call, but he declines to give an opinion, since he’s just the butler.  

I’m not sure Seras was privy to any of this, since she was preparing the coffins for transport while Al was on the phone.    He orders her to take the coffins to the roof and steal a helicopter to escape.   While she does this...

Alucard leaves the suite and heads down to the front door of the hotel.   There’s more cops in the hallway waiting for him, but he just mows them down the same way he did the ones in his suite.

Back to Millennium, their leader, known only as “The Major”, is now satisfied with the knowledge that Alucard can and will kill humans that get in the way of his mission.   But he sees no reason to prolong this battle, so he orders his man in the field, Tubalcain Alhambra, to put this to an end.  

Oh, and here’s the elevator.    The cops scramble inside and try to close the doors to escape Alucard, but he sex beams one of them to hit the “door open” button, which gives him just enough time to get inside.   He kills them all, then emerges on the ground floor and kills the cops there to make his way to the entrance.    Along the way, he tosses some of their bodies out the windows, and they land on nearby flagpoles, which impale their corpses like pikes.     Because he’s Vlad the Impaler, get it?  

And finally Tubalcain Alhambra reveals himself.   He calls himself “The Dandyman”, and he has card powers.   Is he anything like D’arby the Elder from JoJo?   Well, he’s got a vest, so maybe.   He explains that he manipulated the authorities into sending those cops into the hotel.   All he had to do was promise them eternal life.   They didn’t hurt Alucard, but they did get him to waste a bunch of his ammunition.   Maybe all of it, since I’m pretty sure Al never shoots Dandyman during this fight.    See?   Seras had the right idea after all.

Never mind, he does shoot him.   Also these two hit a lot of innocent bystanders while they fight.    It’s worth noting that Dandyman seems to have a lot of the same abilities Alucard expected from Luke Valentine during their battle.    Luke thought he was hot shit, but he couldn’t regenerate or transform himself.    But it looks like Tubalcain can shrug off gunfire and turn his whole body into playing cards.   

While all of this vampire fightin’ is a-goin’ on, Pip Bernadotte infiltrates the bad guys’ command post, shoots all of the crooked authorities in league with Dandyman, and then blows the whole thing up for good measure.

Oh, and here’s the third (and final?) Cross-Fire backup.    Bishop Maxwell gets injured during a pagan cult tries to assassinate the Pope, so he sends Heinkel Wolfe and Yumiko Takagi to go to Wales and slaughter their entire congregation.   And they do.   These Cross-Fire stories just don’t hold up.    It’s two overzealous religious fanatics killing other fanatics, except they always have the firepower and the element of surprise, so there’s no suspense or tension to any of it.  

Back to the Dandyman fight, well... wait, we gotta go through a flashback, first.

The last installment opens with young Integra learning about vampires from her father, Arthur Hellsing.    He quizzes her about why vampires are so feared, and the answer is that vampires are powerful, and they’re also vicious and aware of their own power.    So in close-quarters they’ll tear a human to pieces.    And another monster wouldn’t?   I’m not sure I understand his point.  

Back to the fight, Dandyman seems to have Alucard in a bit of trouble, because his cards are razor sharp and once they cut Al, he can’t recover from the wounds so easily.    Fortunately, Seras shows up to provide a helpful diversion.    And by “diversion”, I mean, shooting enormous shells at Dandyman.

And that gives Alucard a chance to get the drop on him.   He breaks Dandy’s leg, splits his left arm in half, longways, and then drinks his blood.   Also, Millennium does that self-destruct thing on Dandyman, so he goes up in flames.    This is about as defeated as a bad guy can get.  

And then Pip shows up in a helicopter, I guess the same one Seras was ordered to steal, since they have the coffins ready to go.   But Alucard is in no hurry to withdraw, because he’s just so gosh darn excited to be fighting this Millennium group.  They’re bloodthirsty, violent maniacs, just like him, so it’s perfect.  Or is it...

[tarisilmarwen]

Ahsoka "Fallen Jedi" Liveblog

Let's go let's go let's go let's go let's goooooooooooooo!

Oh I'm so excited for this I already know there are Developments.

Hype hype hype hype.

Oh we're starting off with complete silence are we? Okay.

Sabine trying to raise Hera. :(

Ahhhh yes it's the "Ahsoka and Sabine butting heads about saving Ezra versus stopping Thrawn" convo Sabezra fandom predicted.

"Can I count on you?" Low blow Ahsoka, recalling Ezra's own words.

"I know how much Ezra means to you." *falls into this line, dies*

Oh don't let Huyang get shot, come on now, you already had him get blasted once.

Buncha trailer shots in this episode I'm guessing.

"Stay together. You always did better that way, in my opinion." Ha ha ha this would be a sweet line if we had ever actually SEEN Ahsoka and Sabine working together. *grumbles*

Hera going off by herself to go help Sabine and Ahsoka lolol. That little face she makes when she says, "Watch me."

Baby Jacen is still super precious.

The GHOOOOOOOOOOSSST!

This sequence would have been the perfect spot to drop Zeb in, you know. Just saying.

Go girls go, go, go, you need to get on that ship before it leaves!

And it's my favorite new villain couple.

If Shin could have a bit more personality she'd be more interesting but "feral" is wearing thin.

OH AND NOW WE HAVE A TICKING CLOCK DEVICE.

There were people complaining that this moment where Ahsoka wipes Marrok was lifted from "Twin Suns" but in context... no it's just Dave's usual thing for cool samurai finishers.

Oh wow Shin looks extremely unnerved at Marrok dissipating into green Nightsister mist.

Did... Morgan take all the guards and droids with her? Just leaving Baylan there by himself to handle Ahsoka huh? What a bitch.

"One must destroy in order to create." Nooooooooo they really don't Baylan, that's grade A horseshit.

And stinks of Empire and Sith apologism.

The map is gorgeous. Wish they'd turn the saturation and contrast up just a smidge more so the colors could POP.

Oh this music cue is great!

YES! LET BAYLAN CUT LOOSE. Man is a beast.

Ahsoka's trying to disengage long enough to get the map. :((((

Ha ha, nice. Mandalorian trick.

Ooooof the map burned Ahsoka's hand?

Ahsoka where's your shoto blade?

Right, like Sabine's dinky little blaster is gonna do anything to that map, sure Ahsoka. You just burned your hand on how super overheated it was and all it was doing was generating hyperspace coordinates for a cross-galactic jump, you think a shot from a small firearm is gonna pierce it?

Oooooh that angle-back closed-eye look from Baylan... he's telepathically reading her like a book isn't he?

"Your family died on Mandalore because your Master didn't trust you." WELL I'M JUST GOING TO PATENTLY IGNORE THAT BECAUSE NO FILONI, YOU CANNOT JUST DROP THAT IN LIKE THAT.

Getting real tired of character motivations being reveals and not outright stated from the start.

ALSO WHAT EVEN THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT???!???

THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY NICE TO ACTUALLY SEE, OR YOU KNOW, TALK ABOUT BEFORE THIS MOMENT.

Anyway as I said, excising this bit entirely from my personal canon, Clan Wren is fine, they're just in hiding like all the other Mandalorian clans.

"And I... to serve a greater good." Ohhhhhhhhhhh I see what you did there, nice paralleling Baylan to Thrawn.

SABINE CHOOSES EZRA.

(I mean I knew it was coming because I was spoiled but still.)

Sabine, Sabine, my poor heartbroken babygirl, this is such a human choice, it's not the choice a Jedi should make but then Sabine isn't a Jedi, I maintain that this is all still playacting and cope that Ahsoka is indulging.

Sabine is falling into the classic Attachment trap but also there are no good choices here. She could try to destroy the map, but I seriously don't think it would work, and then Baylan would just kill her and take the map back anyway.

Maybe she could run but with their ship damaged she wouldn't make it far, she'd have to hide in the woods and avoid Shin and Baylan and whoever else she's stranded and fight them all off by herself for who knows how long until maybe Hera gets there. And she has no way of knowing if Hera's coming.

Oh ouch, I thought Sabine was having a "What have I done?" reaction to handing Baylan the map, but no, Shin is just choking her.

HERA MADE IT.

See it takes Baylan deliberate sustained direct contact with his lightsaber blade to destroy the map, no way was Sabine's blaster gonna do shit to it.

SABINE DID NOTHING WRONG, I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

Again, guys, this would have been the perfect sequence to have Zeb in.

Uhhhhhhhhh I would move away from the ring if I were y'all.

HO JEEZ.

OH BOY.

WELP.

Chopper sounds really unnerved.

THE WORLD BETWEEN WORLDS. THE STAR VOID.

Unless it's a weird-ass Force vision lol. Which is still possible.

Yeeeeeeeah I'm going with Force vision, Anakin should be blue and glowing, shouldn't he? Unless things work differently in here.

The Imperial March is not reassuring.

Okay well... that was a thing.

I'm starting to wish Deborah Chow had been showrunner for this, Filoni is doing... okay-ish (not really) but I really think this story needs and deserves a director willing to go all-in on the emotional resonance and beats of the story.

Which isn't to say the Kenobi show didn't have its problems (ho ho boy could I list the nitpicks and writing issues I had with it) but Ahsoka isn't quite reaching the highs it needs. Everything is way more subdued that I think it should be. I don't know how much of this is the writing, how much is the short mini-series format, how much is the cinematography or the directing.

THAT BEING SAID I AM HERE FOR SABINE MISSING EZRA SO MUCH SHE SACRIFICES HERSELF AND THE MAP FOR THE CHANCE TO FIND HIM.

See everything about her motivations makes so more sense if she's in love with him, sorry Filoni, the ship is still sailing.

Baylan got a bit more characterization here and got marginally more interesting, while Shin just... continues to be wet paper. RIP Marrok we hardly knew ye. Hope they explain the green mist shit soon.

Natasha's shoulders must be sore from carrying this show lol. Someone please let Sabine hug Ezra, she will feel so much better.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Thursday, August 19

HARMONY: Hi baby! SPIKE: (bored) Hello, sweetbreads. Have fun? HARMONY: Uhh, it was so exciting. You wouldn't believe it. I went to April Fool's, and absolutely everything was on sale. SPIKE: You *paid* for it? HARMONY: (unpacking bags) Oh, no. I just killed the clerk. Still, a bargain's a bargain.

~~Family~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Impavid - adj. Fearless (crossover with Mission Impossible, Hank Summers, Suitable for people over 13) by Beriaearwen

Aut Consilio Aut Ense (crossover with Grimm, Buffy, G) by Jedi Buttercup

Boki, Goddess of Chaos (crossover with the MCU, Buffy, Xander, Willow, Ethan, T) by mmooch

Sandcastles (Spike/Buffy, G) by MissLuci

Poem: She Walks Effulgent (Spike, Spike/Buffy, G) by JayeMaru

A New World Order (Buffy/Gunn, Angel, T) by yhlee

Four Things Wesley Didn't Remember and One He Did (Wesley x Angel, T) by yhlee

Let Them Eat Cake (Angel, Faith, T) by yhlee

The Other Curse (Angel/Faith, T) by yhlee

this night has opened my eyes (and i will never sleep again) (Xander/Spike, G) by GothicBuffy

The Taste of Hell (Wesley/Lilah, M) by yhlee

Interred (Faith, Angelus, T) by yhlee

[Chaptered Fiction]

Faith Sheppard, Part 19 (crossover with Stargate: Atlantis, Faith, PG/FR13/K+) by hermione2be

Storytime (crossover with Doctor Who and other fandoms, Joyce, FR-13) by acswatwst

Primitive Side, Part 9 (crossover with Chronicles of Riddick, Buffy, T/PG-13) by Jedi Buttercup

One Foot In Front Of The Other, Chapter 12 (crossover with Stargate: Atlantis, Buffy, Gen / Teen) by 3am_moonlight

And the Devil Will Drag You Under, Chapter 16 (crossover with Dexter, Faith, M) by frogfarm

Peaches & Cream, Chapter 1-13 (Spike/Buffy, M) by MissLuci

Averting Disasters and Other Ways to Avoid Your Problems, Chapter 2 (Spike/Buffy, not rated) by ex-vengeancedemon

The Sphere, Chapter 21 (Spike/Buffy, NC-17) by Coraline

The Tiger is Out, Chapter 9 (Spike/Buffy & OC, R) by Cosmic Tuesdays

close your eyes and think of england, Chapter 3 (Spike/Buffy, R) by zion

The Blue Eye of the Storm, Chapter 21 (Spike/Buffy, NC-17) by MaggieLaFey

Death Is Buffy's Next Great Adventure, Chapter 56 (crossover with Harry Potter, FR15) by Sharie

And the Devil Will Drag You Under, Chapter 16 (crossover with Dexter, FR18) by frogfarm

The Circle of Scooby, Chapter 8 (crossover with R.A. Heinlein's Lazarus Long series, Xander/Cordelia/Tara, FR15) by redjacobson

Isekai Harris, Chapter 1 (multiple crossovers, Xander, Dawn, FR21) by Sithicus

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork and meta: I like the quiet (Xander&Willow, worksafe) by snakeliciousbaby

Artwork: Jenny sketch (worksafe) by halfrek

[Reviews & Recaps]

A liveblog of watching AtS season 1 by therantygeek

Remove one episode [from AtS season 5] hosted by nightshade

PODCAST: The Prom by Myth Taken

[Recs]

Buffering the Vampire Slayer and other podcasts recced by multiple people

[Fandom Discussions]

I never got why Buffy didn’t kill Spike after he got the chip by buffyconfessions, dgcatansiri, and others

Willow's dream in Restless by girl4music

[The Willow/Xander relationship in S3 as representative of Buffy's attraction to Faith] by herinsectreflection

okok i know spike is objectively the worst of buffy’s lovers before he gets his soul but... by jovianhands

The pattern in S2 is that every few episodes one Big Bad is destroyed... and another rises from their ashes, part 1 and part 2 by herinsectreflection, pass-the-dynamite-molly, earhartsease

Re: having the Scythe-Spell be about bringing all of the Slayers who ever existed back to life to fight in the Hellmouth beside Buffy by disaster-vamp

I just watched the Prom again and am now sobbing [about Giles] by melonsmessymusings, rachaeljurassic

Things a Buffy-themed theme park would include by 5bi5

Why make Dawn a helpless teenager? by buffynmarvel and others

Younger Dawn by nightshade and others

How was soulless Spike different from Angelus? by afanofbuffy, r2dh2, WillowsFaith

Fancast: Dana Delorenzo as Fray? by burrunjor and others

Redemption Arcs and Character Growth by KaitKait, Faded90

Anybody else ever feel a bit sad about the way the show ends for Bangel? by Angel6, KaitKait, and others

[Yeah, that Bangel moment in End of Days was weird. But you know what?] by Oromous

So Buffy got a lot of birthday episodes, would you have liked to see birthday episodes for Willow and Xander? hosted by LightBlueSky55

S2E18 Lorne/Lindsey [Could Lorne only see into the immediate future, and not a few years away?] by gwaireectkho and others

Why hasn’t Lorne gotten a love interest? by multiple people

If Buffy Episodes Were Named Like Friends Episodes: Becoming Pt2 by flow

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[atamascolily]

Lily liveblogs: “The Rise of Skywalker,” part three

I end as I began: hopelessly confused about what the point of all this was. (Except for money. I got that part loud and clear.)

Rey just leaves Finn behind, because... friendship, right? Jannah does not have a good opinion of Rey right now, and tbh, I can't blame her. I realize Rey is under a lot of stress, but... her behavior since arriving on this "moon of Endor" has been wayyyy out of line.

Also, Poe pulls up with the Falcon right then, so I guess they got it repaired in record time, lol. Convenient.

Meanwhile, at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone is sad because Leia is dead. I wonder who's in charge now???

"Goodbye, dear princess." Oh, so she's a General right up until she dies, and then it's back to princess again? I wish the ST would make up its mind about her title.

Oh, I guess Poe is, since he showed up and actually has a rank??

Chewie LOSES IT at the news Leia is dead--I feel you, bud. I feel you so hard.

Kylo tries to look dignified as he broods on the wreckage, but he looks awful. Like a drowned rat, with a convenient lightsaber-shaped hole in his tunic where Rey stabbed him. (She didn't even take the saber with her or drop it into the sea or anything! WHHYYYYYYYYYYY - gimme a reason, any reason, even a stupid one.)

And then Han shows up. Is he a ghost? Is this a memory? Is Kylo hallucinating? WHAT WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING??? (This would have so much more resonance if we had SEEN how Han's death impacted Kylo earlier on instead of that one confused flashback at the beginning of the film....)

grizzled Harrison Ford looks great, why the hell did they kill him off in the first movie whyyyyyy

Okay, so they answer the question and this is a memory, which is fine, I usually love this trope, BUT it would be hella more effective if we'd seen Kylo arguing/interacting with memories of Han earlier instead of this happening for the first time NOW...

"Come home." Uhhhhhh, I honestly don't know what exactly Leia did, but she certainly kinda abetted killing him. What home does Kylo have now, anyway??

So Han says that what Leia fought for is still around, which is true, but Kylo is ostensibly the supreme leader here, so he doesn't just have to go AWOL, he can drag the FO leadership with him, and what passes for their government, he could SURRENDER and end the war right now. Does he? Of course not. He fucks off all by his lonesome after Rey and Palpatine because... that's all he knows how to do, apparently.

There's a callback that is supposed to resonate but doesn't work for me, because I just can't make myself feel for Kylo at all. Yes, redemption is hard. Yes, you have to work for it. Stop whining and just do it!!

We're supposed to think that Kylo will stab Han again (I guess?) but he turns and throws his saber into the sea. So that's why Rey didn't take it - so he could make a dramatic fucking gesture with it.

Palps is upset that Leia messed up his plans, but whatever. He orders Pryde, who apparently is now in charge of the FO in Kylo's absence, to come to Exegol. Apparently Pryde is a diehard Imperial (and possibly Sith cultist/Palpatine's secret puppet/agent??) I guess. It's never explained, he's just bad. And his name isn't subtle, either.

Palps just wants to burn everything to the ground for... evulz, I guess? I got nothing.

Pryde's star destroyer pops out a giant gun and blows up a planet.... apparently, Kijimi. Why, I don't know. Because they were just there?? Anyway, BOOM. Kijimi literally explodes.

What the actual fuck. How is that EVEN POSSIBLE?? What was the point of building two Death Stars if a Star Destroyer can do that????

Oh, apparently, that was the new model from the "Sith fleet" with a better upgrade. sounds fake, but okay. Poe is not thrilled by this news. The same Resistance member brings him the bad news, so I guess that's her official job??

Poe is genre-savvy enough to know that every ship in the Sith fleet has planet destroying weapons and they're doomed unless they stop the Final Order... which isn't new? I thought there was a countdown to an attack in 16 hours or something. What did they think they were attacking with? I don't even know, this movie is that incoherent.

Rose pops in with a message broadcasting on every channel about the "Resistance is dead. The Sith flame will burn. All worlds, surrender or die"... but given that it's in a language that isn't Basic, there's this one random dude with a beard who translates for the audience... and even though I assume it's meant to be some more commonly spoken language, given that the Sith have their own language in this movie, It makes it seem like this Random Resistance dude understands Sith and... I have questions.

Poe goes to sit by Leia's shrouded corpse because apparently they haven't buried her yet??? I wish Poe and Leia's relationship was more prominent in the movies, because I love the dynamic they're supposed to have, but never actually manifests in any of these movies.

Lando shows up to console him!

"How did you defeat an Empire with almost nothing?" "We had each other."

DAMN RIGHT YOU DID AND THE NEW GENERATION COULD TOO, IF THE WRITERS WEREN'T INTENT ON SEPARATING THEM CONSTANTLY AND MAKING EVERYBODY SUFFER....

Poe decides to make Finn his co-general. I have a lot of feels about this.

Turns out D-O knows all about Exegol because he used to belong to Ochi... that's actually earned, I'll allow it. Hilarious Rey never asked the droid about it  (or any other details of his past, given that she was pretty sure Ochi killed her parents).

Ahch-To! Rey is wearing her hood and I don't know why. She's throwing driftwood into the flaming wreckage of Kylo's TIE and sobbing and... I don't know what's going on here. There are SO MANY REASONS she could be crying, I don't even know.

And she tosses her lightsaber into the sea... just like Kylo did. Parallels. I get it. And just like Luke did to her... She's giving it up because she doesn't feel worthy of being a Jedi because of her heritage, I guess?? (I'm guessing because this movie doesn't explain shit.)

Speaking of which, there's Luke's ghost, right on schedule! I love his snark but it's SO OUT OF LINE given his behavior in the last movie... and the fact that Yoda told him he had to let go of the past and let the books burn. I mean... the fuck???

Rey has this dark throne vision that's driving her, but ironically that's the one vision we don't see in this whole mess.. we have all these OTHER visions instead, I can' teven keep them all straight.

Oh, she's decided to model Luke and fuck off to Ahch-To forever because she feels she made a mistake. that's absolutely the WRONG LESSON from Luke's life, Rey!!

(also, what happened to saving the world? The sith wayfinder? She just conveniently forgot Palpatine was gonna slaughter everybody because she's having heritage angst?????)

Leia not telling Rey about Rey's heritage makes perfect sense when you realize just how much Leia's life was fucked over by the knowledge that Darth Vader was her father--once in ROTJ and again when she got kicked out of the Senate and ostracized in Bloodline.

Luke has Leia's lightsaber conveniently hidden in his hut... so now Kylo/Ben can have a weapon of his own in the upcoming fight, gag. (Really, Rey should use it to make a double-bladed saber, but she won't, sigh.)

The flashback looks like a video game to me. The CGI is not terrible, but doesn't look nearly as real as the rest of the film to me.

Also, I'm forever mad that Leia gave up her saber thinking it would save her son, that is SO AWFUL, especially since IT DIDN'T WORK, HE STILL TURNED OUT EVIL ANYWAY AND RUINED YOUR LIFE.

"A thousand generations live in you now" would have so much more resonance if Rey was an avatar of the Force or a reincarnation of Anakin instead of the metaphorical. (Yes, I know it will be realized literally later on.)

[Just realized that Kylo's obsession with Rey would make TOTAL SENSE if she were an reincarnation of Anakin given how much he idolizes his grandfather!!!]

Whyyyyy doesn't Luke talk here about the revelation that Palpatine is alive? That he and his father failed to kill the Emperor? That Rey has to finish LUKE'S journey, too??? But no, it's all about Leia here.

Rey somehow didn't notice the wayfinder in Kylo's TIE until Luke says "you have everything you need"... I guess? I don't know how she missed it before!!!

And the X-wing rises out of the water like the deus ex machina that it is... somehow still spaceworthy after six years in the ocean. Okay, then.

Apparently, Force ghost Luke can still manipulate physical objects through the Force??? Okay, I can kinda buy that, but... still....

I love how Artoo doesn't even wait for Threepio to get started with the bullshit, he just imports the uploaded memories right away without asking. Normally, I'd be mad about consent, but a) they're married, and b) he's restoring Threepio's personality, so I'm okay with it.

I love how warped and creepy the space is around Exegol.

Also, D-O looks just like a desk lamp.

Oh, so the Resistance follows Rey through Luke's X-wing computer via Artoo. Convoluted, but it works, I guess.

Okay, so time for some technobabble, but there's a navigation tower (the new shield generator) they have to hit for REASONS with a "ground team" (aka strike team). Sigh.

Love the dismissal of the "Holdo maneuver"--which is essentially kamikaze-style suicide. Not a great battle strategy if you want to survive the fight.

Wait, wasn't Poe angsting earlier about how nobody answered their call from Crait back in the last movie? What makes him think this is going to be any different?????

Okay, so all the FO folks on are on Exegol now?? Who is piloting and crewing those Star Destroyers?? Are they First Order or Final Order people? What happened to the First Order? What is the relationship between the First Order and the Final Order? Are they the same thing with two different names?? (But no, there are two fleets, the Sith destroyers are different.) What happened to the First Order then? Does anyone notice and/or care the alleged "Supreme Leader" of the First Order is missing in action??? I'M SO CONFUSED.

Okay, it makes sense that Poe is in an X-wing given he's a hotshot pilot, but he's also a general, and... I'm so confused about the tactical aspect of that, but fine, whatever. Also, Artoo is in the X-wing with him instead of BB-8, who I thought was Poe's droid (to the point of reaming Rey over injuring him earlier in the film!!!) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE???

we're baaaaacck in the creepy sith ruins just like the beginning of the film, but so much has happened that my brain has fried and so the parallels are not as compelling as they could be.

WHEN DID THEY PICK UP JANNAH?? Has she been there the entire time and we just didn't see her until now, or did they stop back at Endor's moon along the way??? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

Finn has " a feeling" where the ship is... it's the Force, why are you teasing us like that. LET HIM BE A JEDI.

Okay, I actually really like the fact that all the FO deserter stormtroopers from Endor are using their mounts so their enemies can use the tech against them. That's poetic justice right there. And also, epic cool. Good thing all the ships are still in the atmosphere... (nobody's wearing masks like Finn did for the Kijimi pickup)

I don't know how there is lightning in a fucking underground pyramid, but 10/10 for aesthetic, I love it.

"Grandma, it's me, Anastasia"--oh, wait, never mind.

The reveal that Rey is in a giant arena is hella creepy, even though it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Where do all these people come from? What do they do? Where do they live? What do they EAT?? Are they born Sith? Brainwashed Sith?? Cultists? Clones??? I NEED ANSWERS HERE.

Palpatine dangling in his creepy metal arm-thing is a lot like GLADoS from Portal.

So... Palpatine can possess the person who kills him in anger??? Explains a LOT about how he treated Luke, actually. And why it was so important that Anakin finish him - one, because Anakin's body was failing, and two, because he did it for love.

Love the aesthetic of the flickering lights for added creepiness and nothing is quite real. Even if it makes no sense. My id knows what it wants, okay??

Jannah and Finn teaming up for the battle is great, BB-8 actually gets to do something for once, and I love Jannah's crossbow.

Oh, now Palps is going to monologue about Rey's parents, while telling us no interesting details whatsoever. Sigh.

HOW THE FUCK DID KYLO GET TO EXEGOL AGAIN????????????????? she left him stranded in the middle of a frikkin' OCEAN... and he just knows how to get back to Exegol without the macguffin,.... how....?

(yes, I know he's supposed to be "Ben Solo" again, but so far there has been zero explanation in the film itself, so I'm just gonna keep calling him Kylo.)

Okay, there's a TIE fighter next to the X-wing, but... where did he GET IT?????????

That "ow" is priceless. I watched that sequence twice.

(clearly Kylo has not been exploring ruins much recently.)

Finn explaining to Rose that he's going to sacrifice himself for the cause, exactly like she wouldn't let him do in the last film... and Rose goes with it. Okay, then.

Now Kylo has to fight his own boy band... who were secretly following the Emperor's orders the entire time (?) THE ENTIRE FIRST ORDER WAS LITERALLY A FRONT TO KEEP KYLO REN DISTRACTED AND KYLO TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. I... have questions, but I actually admire the sheer audacity of this.

Kylo fighting said knights would be way more emotionally engaging if we a) knew anything about them, b) had seen any interactions between Kylo and the knights earlier, and c) gave a shit, but none of those happened, so we don't.

Kylo and Rey have some sort of Force bond communication thing that is super vaguely filmed so it's hard to understand wtf is actually happening. Rey tosss her saber back and... Ben pulls it out behind his back.

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK

I won't say that wasn't forshadowed, because it kinda-sorta was. I will just say that this movie has NEVER EXPLAINED HOW THEY CAN DO THAT or talked about it at ALL, just treats it like a fact, and I... have questions about how reality can be bent that way even if you are a Force dyad or whatnot.

So Kylo's fight with the knights parallels Rey's fight with a bunch of Imperial guards and it's so hard to care. Th timer says there's still a half an hour left, how is that possible???

So... it's okay to stab people as long as you do it with the properly colored lightsaber, I guess???

Kylo shows up, he and Rey exchange Meangingful Looks, they raise their sabers, Palps zaps them and slurps up "the lifeforce of your bond" and uses it to grow younger, whatever the hell that means ughhhhhhhh please let this be over soon.

Did he know they were a dyad before? Is THIS his real plan? I'm so confused and I have no idea wtf is going on.

RIP Snap. I guess I should care more about you, but I don't think you're mentioned in any of the other movies, so... *shrugs*

Poe has a meltdown but.... Lando shows up AGAIN to give him a pep talk, and also a fleet. Like seriously, Lando gets results, if he'd been running the Resistance, the war would be OVER by now.

Is the "Nice flying, Lando!" Older!Wedge?? I think so. I hope so, anyway.

Zorii shows up too, to fight and also insult Poe over the comm... I guess she's upset about Kijimi being destroyed? (Or maybe not given how she was so eager to get off it???)

Palps tosses Kylo into a pit, which... given that Palps survived, maybe not the best plan if you wanted to actually kill him.

Then he shoots force lightning through the hole in the arena into the sky and... zaps all the new fighters.

Well.

Okay then.

Rey wakes up and... reaches out to the spirits of past Jedi for help. (Apparently, Palpatine doesn't care about her killing him now, because he's young and healthy again, so it's okay to kill her? I guess he can always try again with another grandkid, lol.)

Also, it's funny how Rey is a Palpatine and blood is sooooo important and scary and destiny until someone's trying to diss her and then she's just "a scavenger girl". And by funny, I mean terrible. Sigh.

"I am all the Sith." I don't think the Sith, by the nature of their existence, can embody their predecessors the way that the Jedi can. I mean, to be a Sith is to be alone, and there is that whole Rule of Two business if that's still canon now. I mean, unless the Sith literally eat their masters and thus become them? But it seems a little late for THAT detail.  

But it's okay because Rey's embodying all the Jedi this time (and has TWO sabers, lol) and she turns Palpatine's Force lightning back on himself and he turns into a crisp. You'd think the Sith Lords would have worked out a defense against that, since that's how Mace Windu scarred him in the first place, but okay then.

The entire arena crumbles. All the faceless cultists are crushed by falling rock. Pryde goeth before the fall. Lando rescues Finn and Jannah before Poe can. All the star destroyers are stranded because the command ship is gone and start blowing up.

Anyway, Rey collapses in the ruins. Finn senses her fall. but Kylo climbs out of the pit and cradles her in his arms. (ewww ewww ewwwwwww NOOOOOOO) and cradles her to his chest [gross gross grossssssss she's dead and can't consent and I can't decide if that makes it grosser or not, she's never let him do this while she was ALIVE fuckkkkkk]. He finally lets go and then places his hand on her stomach, and ughhhhhh I have so many issues with this I don't care if he's reformed, he's been stalking for three films, this is NOT OKAY and does the Force healing trick, and...

literally he could have just put a hand on her forehead or shoulder, which I would still hate, but would be less creepy than this.

Rey wakes up, puts her hands on his, sits up, startled and... doesn't say anything, doesn't even flinch, and smiles. "Ben."

and she kisses him. I knew this was coming. I still hate it.

he smiles, falls over, and dies. Like, literally, it's like Rey's kiss murdered him. I'm a terrible person, I know, but I really can't mourn him.

Kylo's body vanishes (Leia's stayed intact, damn it!) proving I guess that he was good after all?? I thought only special people learned the vanishing trick??? Leia's body vanishes right at the same time, and... I don't get it, I really don't.

Maz apparently skipped the final battle to watch over Leia's corpse and I.... definitely don't get it.

was Leia possessing her son this whole time? What. Just. Happened??????

Rey flies away in Luke's X-wing under her own power, and... "Red Five is in the air again," says Finn. People are rising up all over the galaxy, though against what, I'm not clear, and the skies are suddenly clear, implying that the Emperor was warping the weather with his darkness.

We see Star Destroyers blowing up behind Cloud City and on the FOREST moon of Endor with the Ewoks and I just... never knew they were there??? Were they connected to the rest of the Fleet somehow (like the Katana fleet in Legends??) Where did this come from?? Wicket and his son are clearly satisfied, though why they think anything's going to change is beyond me. And was the First Order oppressing them? Why didn't we see any of their fleet when our protagonists were IN THAT SYSTEM AND SO WAS THE OSTENSIBLE SUPREME LEADER???

Another Star Destroyer crashes on Jakku, so literally NOTHING HAS CHANGED THERE, LOL.

Back at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone cries and hugs, Poe and Zorii have a moment that goes nowhere, Poe's arm is somehow in a sling (???) There's a very brief lesbian kiss, but it gets even less screen time than Rose Tico, so again, don't think that counts as representation, but nice try.

Maz gives Chewie Han's medal from Yavin and... where the hell did she get it??? Leia's corpse??? Creepy!!

Jannah comes up to Lando and asks him where he's from, and when Lando asks the same question, she say she doesn't know. "Let's find out." Wow, that's way more interesting than most of this movie!

Rey hugs Finn and Poe and I... just... it's the tearful hug of "wow, we've all been through a lot of trauma since we last saw each other and also I was a jerk and threw you across the sea with the Force to get you out of my way and I abandoned you without saying goodbye to isolate myself on an island in the middle of nowhere until my ghost mentor reminded me I could save the day".

ButWeDon'tHavetimetounpackThatNow.jpg

Rey takes the Falcon to the Lars' moisture farm on Tatooine with BB-8. No one is in sight. This is an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere, not a shrine to the Legend of Luke Skywalker. Rey slides down the sides on a piece of metal and into the courtyard. She wraps up Luke and Leia's sabers and... we cut to her back up on the ridge near the droid garage, using the Force to bury them in the sand.

Then she pulls out her own saber and it's yellow-bladed and looks like a double quarterstaff (although I only saw the top blade ignite). What she should have had this entire movie.

There's a random woman with an eopie there, who... came over to investigate? there is literally NO ONE ELSE FOR MILES. HOW????

The woman asks who she is, and we have callbacks to that earlier conversation on Pasaana. Rey hesitates, sees Luke and Leia's ghost on the horizon, smiling their approval and says "Rey Skywalker". The movie ends with her standing  watching the double sunset... alone except for BB-8.

Wow, she's literally come full circle from being alone in the desert with a droid to being alone in a different desert with the same droid. What the fuck.

Cue triumphant music and credits.

Oh, and I just realized we never found out what was so important for Finn to tell Rey about... so that went nowhere. I assume it's "he can use the Force" but apparently that wasn't important enough to ACTUALLY INCLUDE, sigh.

Did Rey fuck off to Tatooine to be a hermit? Is she going back to her friends? Is she going to train the next generation of Jedi? How will she keep the cycle from repeating? Is it broken? Is Palpatine really dead this time??? How does she feel about Kylo/Ben?? Is HIS ghost still around stalking her, too? Why did she take the Falcon? Doesn't it belong to Chewie now? Why didn't the rest of the gang come with her???? I'm so confused.

This was even worse than I had anticipated, and I came into this with super-low expectations. This wasn’t bad in a “bad B-movie kind of way,” this was bad in the “nothing makes sense, it’s all jumbled blur, I am numb and cannot begin to care” kind of spectacle.  I cannot imagine watching this in a theater. No wonder the critics savaged this. 

[girlbossk]

obi-wan’s just carrying... three billion dollars?? in his pocket???

[corseque]

hi Corseque! I came here for your good good Solas opinions, and your posts about Reylo have gotten me super intrigued, but I've managed to go over twenty-five years without ever watching A Single Star War and I'm not sure where to start. would you recommend watching the original or prequel trilogies? and if you do, what order would you recommend watching them in?

It’s so funny that I’m getting this ask now because last week there was this huge phenomenon where a complete newcomer started watching Star Wars for the first time through livebloging on twitter, and the entire fandom got involved and reinvigorated by her enthusiasm. Like, even the directors and writers of the movies started following her and Rian Johnson himself got so frustrated while she was watching the movie he directed (the power kept going out on her and it took her a good 6 hours to get through it) that he commented on her thread offering to have a blu-ray of his movie speed-delivered to her house so he could continue reading her hilarious liveblog.

Anyway, the whole fandom had a Great Discussion on what order to watch the movies in, or whether it’s even required to watch in a certain order, and I had a certain idea about it that turned out to be not ideal (I thought, hey, this girl wants to watch for Reylo, let her just watch Reylo, she can start with the last two movies and be fine. And technically you could do this).

But it’s not ideal, and I’m glad she didn’t watch them that way. Instead, she watched in the usual certain order that’s advised, and we all agreed afterward that her experience was GREATLY improved and her instant understanding of Rey and Kylo was completely informed by the backstory in the other movies. We thought that she came away with a perfect understanding of the movies BECAUSE she had just watched all the movies and saw all the thematic material laid out at once with new eyes.

Anyway, the best order to watch Star Wars is to watch it in the order it was released in theaters. There are 3 Trilogies of movies, so there are 9 of them. Basically, you start with the middle trilogy chronologically, you then skip back and watch the prequel trilogy, and then you skip forward to watch the sequel trilogy (the one being made now, the one with Reylo).

So yeah, the best way to watch it is to watch 6 whole movies before you get to Reylo, but I promise it makes it make 10000% more sense, you’ll be attached to the family and know what’s going on, and you’ll see why they make decisions with Reylo the way they do, and why their dynamic is so thematically key to the entire series.

Order to watch:

Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope (the original Star Wars)

Star Wars: Episode V: Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Awakens*

Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi*

*the ones with Reylo, that you must earn

The ninth and last movie “The Rise of Skywalker” comes out this December, so it’s a good time to start the series. It’s a very deliberately made series where every movie is important and it has been in the works for 40 years and it’s finally getting a conclusion. Anyway, I’m so happy that I could interest you in this, and I hope you enjoy this beautiful piece of Americana ;o;

[sleepymarmot]

Obi-Wan Kenobi, episode 1

I had a blast watching and liveblogging this, believe it or not!

[Spoilers for the next episodes, and hopefully vague spoilers for KOTOR]

I appreciate the prequels recap. I last saw them when TFA came out... It's very funny to see “It’s over, Anakin! I have the high ground” and “You underestimate my power” included in full seriousness, though.

Wow, they're opening with the younglings? Brutal. Oh, must be saving the kicker to bookend the episode, then.

Oh so we’re focusing on the “nazi stand-in” angle here?

Oh right, I should have watched for the kid in the opening. I didn’t try to see her among the others. Also interesting how this “ten years later” timeskip frames her as the viewpoint character, though the viewer isn’t supposed to immediately realize it.

Oh god the word “Inquisitors” was said with the same cadence/accent they greet your player character in Dragon Age Inquisition, I almost jumped!

Did... did they put the Asian guy in a stereotypical Asian hat?! Bit distasteful.

Omg I thought she was uncomfortable for some reason I didn’t realize she just resented the guy for monologuing lmfao. Also nice bait-and-switch with the Jedi, I totally assumed it was Obi-Wan despite having a second-long thought like “Huh, this guy is dressed like a Jedi”. Why is he dressed like a Jedi, by the way? Is nobody in the order familiar with the concept of blending in?

Oh, the hat guy speaks with a Japanese accent, too.

“You will forget this fixation with Kenobi or I will relieve you of your duties”, Palpatine never said to Vader, presumably.

Idk why the Inquisitor is mad, she was way more efficient at finding the target...

This is such a CGI flyover.

LMAO he does steal the meat super conspicuously.

Obi-Wan: *beautifully clean and fresh hair and beard, handsomely weathered but clean face* this random Jawa: wow you really need a bath :\\\ It's like those razors commercials with women “shaving” their already perfectly smooth legs...

Look, as a viewer I know what he’s doing, but isn’t spying on your neighbor’s small child with a pair of binoculars usually considered creepy?...

*scientist meme* Finally, a non-creepy introduction of a female character with a dressing montage! And of course it was not only because she’s ten but because that’s not her at all. Lol. But nice idea to introduce her social role and her actual personality separately!

Wait what the hell, he was telling this random Jedi to abandon everything and live a normal life and now he insists that “there’s more to life” and that Luke must be trained? Genuinely surprised to see the Hypocrisy not even thirty minutes in.

*completes the rant above, presses play again* “Like you trained his father?” Laughed out loud at that.

I didn’t really think about what her name was until I started watching the episode, but. Reva. Please tell me she was named after Revan on purpose!

Will the hat guy shut up, Reva is obviously grinding her Dark Side points! This is why she is a video game protagonist and not you.

Literally what do these two losers have against her when she’s literally picking all of the darksider dialogue options. It’s like she’s only one of them who’s even heard of leveling up. How tf are they planning to advance as Sith if they aren’t threatening and attacking innocent people with zero provocation in pursuit of their personal goal?

Noo, don’t show me Alderaan, it just reminds me of the bullshit “let’s fridge an entire planet to raise the stakes” and I get mad

TV shows that make you want to reinstall KOTOR and see if the black female preset looks anything like your new blorbo

The outfits of the asshole guests slap

Wait, I don’t remember this from the OT, was C3P0 with Leia? Like out in the open the entire time? And nobody connected the dots? Holy shit why is everyone so bad at finding Anakin’s kids

Why is this cousin arguing with a kid half his size... How old is he exactly?

Leia’s childish mannerisms are pretty endearing when they’re coming from, you know, an actual child

Literally who is Obi-Wan this is a show about two girlbosses so far

Bail Organa tells Obi-Wan to stop being sexist we love to see it. Dads delivering sick burns, the episode

Wait, what happened to the Jedi guy? Did the Sith not leave?

Oh, so Lola was a Helpful Tool That Would Help Us Later.

Does Obi-Wan have a location saved on his GPS? Or does he find it through the Force like a Jedi? The JPS if you will.

See, Reva is smart! Love the ambiguity of “he fought beside her father” – does she know?

Dude why the fuck did you not only dress like a Jedi but also wear the fucking lightsaber out in the open? A single braincell please?

“Executive producer: Ewan McGregor”, huh.

Why aren’t they telling us which people out of these names I don’t know played which character?

Alright, I must admit it. This episode slapped as much as the posts suggested.

*rewinds to the youngling scene* Oh, that’s the first kid to appear on screen! In the center! Love this.

(Before you jump on this post with corrections: after writing this, I googled “are inquisitors sith” and saw very convoluted explanation that only reinforced my impression that Reva is a legit KOTOR-type Sith and the other two don’t even get it and are not nearly in the same wheelhouse. Hopefully she stabs them for standing in her way ASAP. Since people insist that Inquisitors aren’t Sith this would probably never happen but I want to see this woman recite the Sith code as she overthrows her own superior.)