#new friend told me i was very passionate about this topic in class and like yes i am bc family drama in stories are never black and white &

[bluejay-writes]

MysticTober 2024 Day 8/9: His Muse

You can read this over on Ao3 if you’d prefer.

Rating: T

Prompt: Jihyun x MC / Painting || Fate / Lie

WordCount: 8028

Summary: Jihyun needs a muse for his new painting collection. Author's Notes: So, Day 8 got away from me and became both that and day 9. Sorry it's a day late... but not sorry it's over 8000 words.

Hen knocked on the studio door, then stood and fidgeted nervously with the strings of her hoodie. She’d replied to this advertisement on the Art Department’s bulletin board for a model, specifically one who could stand for long periods of time without moving. Honestly, she was pretty sure that most people these days just took reference photos and painted from that, but if some student wanted to pay her an exorbitant-seeming amount of money to stand in one place with her clothes on (the ad had been very specific that while there would be an outfit provided, it was modest), she wasn’t about to complain.

Her friends had been on her case about applying. She’d always wanted to be a model, but she wasn’t model material. She was in that nebulous middle-point, Far too big to be a classic fashion model, but still too small to be an acceptable plus-size model. And she didn’t hate her body by any means. So she let them nag her into it. She’d sent what the flier asked for. Her name (preferred, even, not even her wallet name) and then a headshot and a full body shot. She’d tried to be as confident as she could while her friends took photos for her, but even now, having landed the job, she was nervous.

What if he was a creep? Art students could be anyone really, and…

The door opened to reveal a man in wire-frame glasses with teal hair and eyes and a warm smile. Wait a minute… 

“V?!” Hen had studied his pictures for one of her photography classes, they’d done a unit on current artists, and…

He chuckled looking chagrined. “Call me Jihyun, please.” He led her inside and shut the studio door again before continuing. “V did photos. I’m… well, I’ve moved on from that and I’m pursuing painting, which has been my passion far longer, though I didn’t have the guts to change mediums until recently.”

“Oh.” Hen said, just as awkwardly as she felt. “I didn’t mean to be rude, I…”

“Not rude.” Jihyun interrupted. “I was V. I am still, technically, that same man. I simply am using my given name now.” 

He sighed, and shook himself loose from whatever thought seemed to be plaguing him. “We got off on the wrong foot.” He held out his hand for her to shake. “Hi, I’m Jihyun Kim, the artist who will be painting you for the next few hours.”

She took his hand with a grin and a firm shake. “I’m Hen. And I’m very good at standing still.”

The outfit that he’d chosen for her to wear was very fantasy. Flowing skirts, a corseted belt over a lightweight top. She felt like a peasant girl in a magic world, and she loved it. He’d positioned her standing at a window, and she’d gotten to people-watch campus while he painted her. She’d expected a need to be quiet or mostly still, but he told her to go ahead and fidget if she needed to, and kept her engaged in a number of different light topics as he worked, almost as though he was trying to keep her entertained.

Eventually, as the light was waning, Jihyun stood. “Alright, that’s time. Thank you so much for all of your help today.” He smiled. “Do you need assistance with the belt or anything else getting back out of the costume?”

Hen waved him off. “Nah, I’m good. Give me two shakes and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Once she was back to her normal self, she was sad to see that Jihyun had already closed up his work, so that she couldn’t see it. He immediately spotted her looking, however.

“I’ll show you when it’s done. I was intending to invite you to whatever gallery it shows in, of course, as the model.”

Hen grinned. “It would be my honor!”

Jihyun handed her the envelope containing her payment, all smiles. “Honestly, Miss Hen, you’re an amazing model. May I call on you again for another piece? Same terms, but the next one likely won’t be standing.”

Hen nodded, she’d had a great time, and the pay was definitely worth it. “I’d love to.” She said, honestly. “I enjoyed today!”

Jihyun nodded, and they parted ways. Hen couldn’t help but smile, her friends were going to be so surprised when she told them she might even get a callback.

The second time that Hen stood as a model for Jihyun had her sitting on a bench in an awkward position. It was uncomfortable at first, but she made it work. Eventually, Jihyun admitted to her that the piece involved the woman sitting in a tree, but he couldn’t justify making her sit somewhere ostensibly dangerous for hours on end, so he’d made the bench setup like the branch he had in mind. Once he explained that to her, she found it much easier to settle into a pose that was actually useful for him.

She may have caught him grumbling to himself about wasting less time if he could just trust her more. She didn’t blame him, of course, Artists were often secretive, and she knew it was hard to trust someone you didn’t really know. Goodness knows she’d only met this man twice and definitely didn’t trust him with anything personal, so she didn’t blame him. Not even a little.

When the time was up and Jihyun started cleaning up, Hen realized she was stiff as she changed back out of the costume. 

“Hey, Jihyun, do you mind if I do some stretches on the floor here before I head out? I’m a little bit stiff.”

“Ah. Go right ahead. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Your stiffness is the consequence of my art, after all.

Hen sank to the ground, grateful that she’d worn leggings today instead of jeans. She worked her way through some yoga poses, careful of the fact that she didn’t have a mat of any variety, only realizing she was humming as she finished the last of the stretches because of Jihyun’s quiet chuckle.

“I’m glad you’re so comfortable in my studio.” He said, chuckling. 

Hen blushed even as she nodded. “You make it easy, Jihyun. This is by far the highlight of my week.”

“Even with the odd held poses?” He was surprised.

“Even so.” Hen nodded. “I’d be honored if you wanted to call me in again.”

Jihyun smiled so brightly at that, Hen couldn’t help but smile in return.

The next sitting was more stereotypical, and Hen couldn’t hold back her giggles as Jihyun helped her pose in a very Ancient Grecian looking gauzy dress while half-laying on a chaise lounge.

“What is it?”

“It’s just… if you told someone they were going to model for a painting, they’d probably imagine something like this.”

“Ah.” He nodded. “Yes, I suppose it might be. I hope that the outcome of the painting far exceeds my pedestrian posing layouts.

“I’m certain it will.” Hen had no doubts that the man had an impressive artistic eye - his photographs were stunning enough that she’d written an entire paper on them her freshman semester of college. Sure, her major had nothing to do with art, but one didn’t see one of V’s photos and not know the man was gifted. “If nothing else, Jihyun, it’s fine to have one simpler piece in a collection.”

He chuckled, and Hen settled in to hold her position. It was surprisingly comfortable, and she knew it wasn’t going to be too difficult, especially because he was good about giving her breaks.

For the first time in their sessions, Jihyun was quiet and focused on the painting, which gave Hen time to think about everything going on in her classes, in life, in that book she was reading… eventually she started to feel sleepy. She knew she should say something, get up and take a walk, get some water, anything so that she didn’t cause a problem for Jihyun.

Instead, she found herself drifting off to sleep while watching him paint with the most blissfully calm look on his face that she’d ever seen on another human being.

What felt like a blink and also an eternity later, Hen woke to the soft shake of a shoulder, Jihyun crouched down next to her.

“Hey, Miss Hen.”

She startled, coming to consciousness all at once. “Oh, no, Jihyun! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep!”

“It’s alright, you held the pose I needed, and you just looked so happy I couldn’t bear to wake you. Good dreams, I hope?”

Hen shook her head, holding a hand to her chest to will her heart to calm down from its momentary panic. “No dreams. One minute I was watching you paint, and the next you were waking me up. I feel insanely well rested though. Probably going to be up late tonight.” She chuckled.

“Hm, I should have been responsible and woken you.” He sighed, but continued before Hen could argue. “Would you let me take you to dinner as an apology?”

“What time is it?” Hen asked, sitting up properly so she could stretch the sleep out of her bones.

“Just about six.” Jihyun said, backing up to give her space.

“I could do dinner, I don’t have any other plans.” She said, and the smile that bloomed across his face warmed her soul. Yeah, she’d do a lot just to see that smile more.

Dinner was lovely. They went to a little hole-in-the-wall bibimbap restaurant that seemed to know Jihyun well, but wasn’t so expensive as to make Hen feel out of place. It was even on an easy bus route home again, so she wasn’t even particularly going out of her way, either.

They chatted over dinner about this and that, nothing important, the same calm, cheerful kinds of conversations that they usually had while he was painting. That just cemented for Hen that Jihyun was just like that and he wasn’t just chatting to keep her from getting bored. It made her wonder why he wasn’t chatty during their session today, but by the time they got to a break in conversation where she might have asked, she’d already forgotten.

When the bill came, Hen snatched it away before Jihyun could pick it up, and handed the whole bill to their waitress - a granny who she suspected was simply the owner of the place - with a smile. The granny even turned a look on Jihyun like she was surprised he was letting her pay. Jihyun looked stunned. “Hen, you don’t need to buy my dinner.”

“But I want to.” She smiled. “We’re friends, now, right?”

Jihyun smiled in that way that made her feel alight, and she blushed and fidgeted with her hoodie strings. By the time she realized it, the granny had gone and come back… and she was only paying for her half of dinner. Jihyun smirked at her, and Hen wondered if she’d been played. As they packed up to leave, Jihyun’s phone started ringing, and his face took on an ominous look.

“Sorry, you head on home, I have to take this… and it might be awhile.”

Hen nodded and waved, waving again to the granny on her way out.

That had been a fun dinner. She hoped his phone call wasn’t too painful.

It had been a few months since Hen sat for Jihyun, and almost as long since she’d heard from the man. She’d thought it was Fate when they met and hit it off that well, even just professionally, but then he’d disappeared. Hen tried to convince herself that it was fine, but at this point even she would admit she was moping. She really enjoyed his company, and couldn’t help but feel like she’d done something wrong. Had accepting his dinner invitation been too forward? But she’d even paid for her own meal… Hen had been worrying about this, of course, for weeks now, with only her coursework to keep her mind occupied and off of her presumed faux pas, whatever it might be. And unfortunately, winter break had just started so she had an entire month to mope about and worry about a problem with no guarantee of resolution.

At least she had her favorite coffee shop to curl up and read in. She usually got tea, but today she splurged on an extra sugary coffee drink, and the woman behind the counter chuckled. “Am I celebrating with you or commiserating, Hen?”

“Ugh.” Hen grumbled. 

“Commiserating it is!” The woman behind the counter quietly put an extra pump of caramel into the drink - Hen didn’t comment, not sure if it was intentional, but she wasn’t going to turn down more caramel goodness.

An hour or so later, Hen’s reading was interrupted by someone sitting down across from her. She ignored them for a moment, but when they didn’t move she put her bookmark in and looked up, only to let out a surprised squeak as she realized the person sitting there was none other than Jihyun, patiently waiting for her to pause.

Before she could say anything, the woman behind the counter appeared and set a coffee down in front of him. “Don’t scare away my regulars, Jihyun.” She said sternly, then returned behind the counter.

Before Hen could say anything, Jihyun immediately spoke up.

“I’m so glad that I found you.” He winced. “I threw my phone in the ocean in a fit of temper. Did you know that there is such a thing as backing up your contacts? I… did not do this thing. And as such, I had to simply hope to run into you. It took some time.”

He slid a brand new phone across the table to her. “My friend set it up so I can’t do that again, even if I do something as stupid as throwing my phone into the ocean again. May I have your number again?”

Hen sighed, and immediately added herself as a contact. “So you’re saying you didn’t respond to my texts not because you were upset with me, but because you didn’t know who they were from?” She looked over at her phone as the message she sent herself pinged in as an unknown number.

Jihyun had the grace to look embarrassed. “I needed a new number.”

“Did something happen?” Hen added his new number to her contacts, and changed the old one to read “Davy Jones’ Locker”, just in case some fish tried to text her later.

Jihyun sighed. “The unreasonable unbelievable drama that is my life simply continues to happen.” He took a sip of his drink and sighed happily. Jaehee could really make a mean latte.

Hen chuckled. “Everyone’s got some weird rats in their closet, I swear. I’m glad you reappeared, I was worried.”

“You were?” His eyes lit up for a moment, but then dimmed. “I’m sorry, Miss Hen. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Hey, it’s fine, you reappeared before I could mope myself into a corner.”

“Why would you be moping?” Jihyun was clearly confused.

“Well, I mean, I bullied my way into paying for my own dinner and then you disappeared. I was sure I’d said something stupid, or maybe that I shouldn’t have gone to dinner.”

“God, no, Hen. That dinner was one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time, I just had to leave for a trip the next morning…”

“His not wanting you to pay is just some misplaced chivalry.” The counter lady said, stopping by to leave a to-go cup refill of Hen’s coffee. “This one’s on the house. For celebrating this time, and for putting up with him.” She winked, and Jihyun looked scandalized.

“Jaehee! Are you buying my… are you buying Hen’s loyalty with coffee now?”

The woman - Jaehee apparently - cackled. “Yes.” The look she was wearing told Hen that she had no idea what their relationship was, and was assuming all kinds of things that Hen didn’t want to have to be the one to dissuade her from.

“Listen…” Jihyun took a deep breath. “Between the trip and needing to find you back, I’m way behind on painting work, and the gallery’s already booked. You wouldn’t happen to be… staying in town for winter break? I could book you… a lot… if you had time.” He looked like he expected her to say no, like he was already letting himself down before she could.

“I’m so game.” she said, laughing awkwardly. “I have, well, nothing going on for the next month until classes start up again.”

“No family events, or friend things, or…” Jihyun looked surprised. 

“Nope. Just lil ol me and my TBR.”

“TBR?”

“To Be Read. All the books I haven’t read this past semester because of classwork.”

Jihyun laughed at his own expense. “I should have known what that was. Fair, fair. Um.” He took a deep breath. “So, I can’t use my campus studio during break. Would you be okay coming to my apartment? It’s safe, I promise, and if you don’t feel safe you can leave, I won’t be upset.” Hen nodded, but winked at him before calling out to Jaehee behind the counter. “Hey Jaehee, can I trust this guy?”

Jihyun paled as though he had no idea what Jaehee would say.

“With your life.” Jaehee responded, without a pause. “But if you need an emergency text check-in hit me up before you leave.” Something relaxed in Jihyun, and Hen wondered if he’d let her give him a hug, but the moment was lost when he stood and bussed her empty mug.

Jihyun’s apartment was the 79th floor of an 80-floor high rise building. The entire 79th floor. Well, apparently his apartment was half of it and the other half was studio space, but still. She went directly to the windows and looked out over downtown, her eyes shining when she looked back at him.

“Jihyun, we should have done that first painting here…. this is such a great view!!” The painter smiled. “I’m glad you think that, actually… because I was hoping to do a triptych of that one, and so I’d need you to stand for two more at windows, and, well…”

He looks so nervous! Hen thought, and smiled, shaking her head and then nodding.

“Listen, Jihyun. I will sit for you to paint as often as you need me this month, as long as I don’t starve to death, and get to sleep properly.”

“That’s a low bar. I’m still going to pay you. Same rates. Also, since we’re not on campus I’m covering at least one meal a sitting. No arguments or pulling what you did at Yu’s!”

Hen blushed. “I still think it was only fair.”

Jihyun laughed, and walked over to a closet. “So, this closet has the outfits for the other…” he winced. “Four paintings I have in mind.”

“That’s only like one a week, do you have other obligations? We both already know I don’t.”

Jihyun chuckled. “Well, I can get the part of the work I need you modeling for done in our usual 6-hour blocks, so we could do those, say… every other day? That should give me plenty of time for finishing work on all of them and still be able to get them to the gallery on time.”

“Do you want to start today, since I’m here?”

Jihyun looked at the clock. “Only if you let me buy lunch and take you to dinner after.”

“You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Kim.” He raised an eyebrow, and she relented. “Yes, okay, okay. I want to see your gallery look good. I don’t know why you’re not the one begging here.”

Jihyun blinked. “I… really should be, shouldn’t I? You’re too good to me, Miss Hen.”

“Just call me Hen. It’s already a nickname.”

“It is? No wonder I couldn’t find you.”

Hen laughed so hard she sat down abruptly on the floor. “Jihyun Kim. You seriously thought my given name was Hen. Like a chicken.”

“Yes. Why would I assume otherwise?”

Hen just made flustered hand motions while she laughed at him.

“It’s Henrietta.” She said, once she could breathe properly. “Henrietta Chatham.”

“I like Hen better.” Jihyun said through a pout.

“Me too! That’s why I introduce myself that way! If you start calling me Miss Henrietta, I’ll quit.”

“Please don’t.” Jihyun said, helping her up off the floor. “Hen.”

She blushed at their proximity, and turned toward the closet so he wouldn’t notice. “So, which outfit first?”

Jihyun pulled out an outfit that was leggings and a leotard and a cropped leather jacket. “Cyberpunk? Or 80s Workout?” She asked, and as usual he gave her a shrug. No insight from the artist. No hints. No spoilers. She would get to see the paintings at the gallery opening with everyone else, and no sooner.

Hen was changing back into her regular clothes when she heard a knock at the door. Grateful that this wasn’t her house and thus she was spared from needing to rush to get clothes on and the inevitable falling over that would come with it, Hen simply continued at her leisurely undressing and redressing pace… which also meant she was able to eavesdrop on the conversation.

“Ah, good evening, Jihyun.” A warm baritone that matched V’s friendly tenor practically sang into the apartment.

“Jumin. Good to see you well. What can I help you with?”

“Miss Kang told me you found your muse.”

“I did. At Jaehee’s coffee shop, no less. I owe her.”

Muse? Does he consider me his Muse?? Hen felt her cheeks heat as she considered what that meant, if it meant anything. She hurried a little bit faster to get herself put back together.

“Well, I suppose you shouldn’t have any problems getting five more pieces done in time for the gallery opening, assuming she’s amenable to sitting for more paintings?”

She heard Jihyun laugh as she opened the bathroom door and made her way over to the costume closet without even glancing at the door.

“I’d say she is, we already got one session in today.” His volume changed as he turned and called out to her. “Hen, come over here when you’re done there, would you?”

She turned, surprised to see that Jihyun’s guest was in a three-piece suit, albeit one decorated with white cat fur.

“Hi.” She said, holding out a hand. “I’m Hen.”

He shook her hand, professional to a T. “Jumin Han.” Then, he turned back to Jihyun. “You should tell Luciel you’ve found her so he stops sending photos of random chickens to the chat and asking if they’re her. He’s been at it for approximately two hours now.”

Hen couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing. “Seriously?! Will you show me? We can pick which chicken looks most like me.”

JIhyun smiled that smile she loved so much. “We can look over dinner.” He turned to Jumin. “Would you like to join us? We’re going out for barbecue.”

Jumin shook his head. “Elizabeth is waiting for me. But thank you. Maybe next time.”

They watched as he turned and went back to the elevator and rode it…up. “He lives above you?” Hen asked, as they waited for the elevator to return for them to take it down instead.

“Yes.” Jihyun said with a smile. “We were childhood friends, Jumin and I.”

“And now?”

“Still friends. Less so children.”

Hen giggled, and tried to keep herself from thinking of this dinner as a date. It was just.. a work dinner.

The rest of the week flew by, and before Hen knew it she was back on her own, her sittings were all done and now she had all the free time in the world to get her reading done, but she couldn’t stop thinking of Jihyun. She hadn’t really been being honest with herself about him, it seemed, but now that she had some time to think clearly, it was plain as day. She was in love with the painter. He made her smile and laugh in a way no one else had. None of her previous partners even held a candle to the way he made her feel.

Sure, she might be his muse, not that he’d said as much to her even after she’d heard Jumin say it, but regardless… that was an art thing, not a personal thing. And now that this collection was done, other than the gallery opening he’d wanted her to come to, she may not ever see him again. Hen sighed, and like clockwork, her phone started ringing. Who called these days? Oh. It was Jihyun!

“Hey Jihyun!”

“Hi… I have… a selfish request.”

“Shoot.”

“I need your help. I’m trying to get all the finishing work done and for the life of me I cannot focus. I thought maybe getting someone to body double for me would help, but all of my friends are normal boring adults with day jobs. Jumin offered his cat, but she’s white and a mischief and I do not think that would be a good idea around all the paint…”

“Jihyun. Slow down. Calm down, it’s okay. What do you actually need from me?”

“Come and sit here and hang out? You can bring your books. I know you were eyeing that oversized chair, I’ll clear it out so you can relax. Maybe… get coffee from Jaehee’s on the way? I’ll pay you back, I swear, I… Hell, I’ll even pay your sitting fee just to chill with me for the day.”

“Jihyun! That’s not how friendship works! You don’t need to pay me to hang out with you. But you can take me to dinner. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

“Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”

“Peppermint! Bye!” She hung up to the sound of his laughter, and if she wasn’t about to walk through his door with two coffees and a tote bag full of paperbacks to devour, she’d hate to end the call. Yeah. She had it bad.

Hen knocked on Jihyun’s door in the most inelegant fashion possible: with her forehead. She’d considered kicking it, but that would have sloshed the coffees too much.

Of course, Jihyun opened by her third knock, and instead she stumbled forward a step when her head met air.

“Were you knocking with your head?”

“Shhh.”

“Nooo. Your poor face.”

“I said shhhhh.” She allowed him to take his coffee, and laughed when she spotted the oversized chair in her usual posing space. “I’m modeling my dumb reading faces for you today.”

“I told you I’d pay your sitting fee.” He winked at her when she blustered, and instead she blushed. “What? You’re going to be sitting!”

“You. Are a brat.”

“That’s what they tell me.”

“What, your RFA Friends?” She said, thinking back to the chatroom entirely full of chicken photos.

“Only ones I’ve got.”

“You’ve got me!” Hen argued, and Jihyun turned a look on her that she couldn’t decipher, not even paired with the radiant smile.

“You’re different. You’re my Muse, Hen.”

“Well, you’re my… artist… i guess.. there’s not a good word for that. I’m sticking with friend.” She grinned at him, and he laughed. 

“Well, get to reading, Muse, I better get myself actually working so you didn’t come here for no reason.”

Hen settled and then realized the scale of the canvas he was currently working on. 

“Damn, Jihyun, that’s huge. Is it the centerpiece?”

“It is!”

“And you still won’t let me sneak a peek?”

“Of course not! and ruin the effect of the collection as a whole on opening night? Never.”

“I’m still invited to that?”

“Of course. You’re my muse. You’re my plus one.”

Hen saw the chance and had to ask… to save herself heartbreak down the road.

“What, no boyfriend? I was sure you and Jumin had--”

“No.” He cut her off. “I’m single, Hen. Have been since… well. Everything.”

“You’ll have to tell me about that someday, you know? I hate walking into landmines that just hurt your feelings.”

“You’re right. I should. Maybe over dinner?”

They spent the day in quiet companionship. Every now and again Hen would laugh at something that happened in her book, or absolutely have to read part of something to Jihyun because it was just written way too well.

They took a break for lunch, Jihyun had ordered sandwiches while she was still wrapped up in the most recent book.

“Your reading speed is ridiculous.”

“Jihyun. I’m in law school. Of course it’s ridiculous.”

“…I keep forgetting that. You’re so nice.”

“Sometimes lawyers are nice.”

“My lived experience begs to differ.”

“Hm.” Time to change the subject so that he could get back to work and not just spill everything now. “You’re going to tell me about that over dinner you said. Any ideas where you want to take me?”

Jihyun blinked for a moment, and then shrugged. “I was thinking Sushi?”

“I do not know if I am dressed well enough to go out for sushi, but…”

“I was thinking about a local place that has all you can eat sushi. No dress code. Plenty of time to sit and talk about difficult subjects in an informal environment.”

“Oh. Well then. You will be surprised at how much sushi I can eat.”

“With my friends, I don’t get surprised by much anymore.”

“And since then, she’s been in Alaska, at an inpatient rehabilitation center.”

“Jesus. That was… you? We discussed the situation in one of my classes while it was ongoing.” 

“Yes, I’m not surprised, it was a clusterfuck.”

Hen reached her hand out across the table to take Jihyun’s, heedless of how forward she was being. The man needed comfort.

“That’s a lot of stress, Jihyun.”

Jihyun sighed, but didn’t move his hand out from under hers, a choice that Hen chose to take as a positive sign.

“It was, but it’s over. Now I can move on and be better. To myself. To my friends.”

They paused to eat more of the sushi in front of them, when something he said suddenly connected for Hen.

“You said she’s in Alaska… is that when you ‘lost’ your phone?”

Jihyun chuckled. “When I threw it into the ocean. Yeah. We were still engaged when she was sentenced, and I hadn’t woken up at the hospital yet, so they put me down as one of her guardians. She was demanding to see me since I was on her paperwork… I had to go there in person to get my name removed.”

“Oh because that was safe and healthy for your trauma…” Hen muttered grumpily.

Jihyun nodded. “Exactly. Anyway, once I left, she started texting me begging me to come back, and… I just… I needed to be free of her. Of all that. I’d managed to put myself back together in the two years since and I couldn’t go back to that mental place. So I chucked my phone off of the side of the ferry. ‘Oops’. My only regret is losing your contact information in the process. Why did we never email?”

Hen shook her head with a low chuckle. “Hubris. I don’t know. I’m just glad you found me back. I was really worried I’d done something to upset you.”

“Well, I do wish you’d let me buy you dinner. Grandma Yu teases me to this day about ruining that date.”

Date? Hen must have thought about it for a minute too long, because Jihyun was rushing past the statement like he’d never made it.

“You’re not buying dinner tonight. This is my gift in return for you sharing your day with me.”

Hen nodded. “The chat with the chickens - that was those friends?”

“The very same.”

“I hope I get to meet them someday.”

“They’ll be at the gallery. Maybe… don’t wear feathers.”

Hen laughed so hard she aspirated her tea. “Jihyun!! What should I wear?!”

Leaving the restaurant, Hen realized this would be a perfect time to tell Jihyun how she felt. He deserved to know. She deserved to be let down in a nice quiet parking lot, not in front of however many people at the gallery showing. And since that was the last time she was likely to see him, well, she chose now.

“Jihyun, I…”

He reached out and held a finger to her lips, stopping her from talking.

“I know what you’re going to say. Can you wait until after you see the paintings? Please?”

Hen blinked. He wanted her to wait to confess until after the gallery? That was exactly the opposite of what she wanted.

What she was thinking must have shown on her face.

“I promise I will hear you out. I will give you privacy if you want it. But I need you to see… what I see… first.”

Hen sighed and nodded, and only then did he move his finger.

As her bus pulled up to the stop, Jihyun smiled at her. “See you at the gallery.”

“Yeah.” she forced a smile onto her face. “See you Saturday.”

The entire ride home, Hen let the tears silently track down her cheeks. He was going to turn her down, she knew it. He’d known she was going to confess. How many people had fallen for him while modeling? How many women had he turned down? Had he known since he came back from Alaska? Had he known before she did?

He’d had probably the worst relationship experience on the planet, there was no way he’d be interested in trying something. It wasn’t even that there was anything wrong with her, just that with everything he’d been through…

Hen sighed. She was thinking in circles. She should have known better than to fall for anyone. It’s not like her dating history was stellar either. She wiped the tears from her face as her bus arrived at her stop and she started walking home. She would be the best possible muse at this gallery opening. The belle of the ball. Maybe they could stay friends, if she didn’t make a complete mess of everything. She’d like that.

Hen had gone all-out for the gallery opening. She’d secretly talked to Jaehee at the cafe about what the dress code would actually be like, so she wouldn’t embarrass anyone, and the woman had actually volunteered to go shopping with her. Hen turned her down, but they exchanged numbers so Hen could send photos if she needed advice. She felt like she needed to do this herself.

Eventually she found what she needed. A navy blue and black jacquard dress, with an off-the shoulder sweetheart neckline and a subtle high low hem, from knees to tea length. The neckline showed a lot of skin, but a shawl would temper it, especially with her hair in loose curls over one shoulder.

Hair and makeup were easy. She knew how to put on a flawless face, it was practically a requirment with law school. Her favorite jewelry - understated sapphire earrings and a matching pendant on silver chain - finished the look. With a pair of short black suede ankle boots, a cashmere shawl, and her wool coat, she was prepared for a gallery opening in mid-January. Hopefully Jaehee hadn’t steered her wrong. She wouldn’t know what to do if she were dressed improperly. Both overdressed and underdressed were a possibility here, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous.

“You’ve really outdone yourself, Jihyun, these pieces are magnificent.”

Hen stepped into the gallery, slightly early for the actual opening, but Jihyun had requested her to be early to meet his friends. The entrance to the room was slightly raised, and had an unimpeded view of the collection. She could hear people talking, but she had eyes only for the art on display. She recognized all of the pieces along the edges from her sittings. First the triptych, Three pieces, one looking left out a window toward a historical setting, one looking right out a window in a cyberpunk-esque future setting (she knew that’s what that outfit was!), and the third looking straight out a window into a modern wartorn landscape.

“I see why you wouldn’t show us any of them early.”

The one where she’d been posing on the bench like it was a tree seemed to be robin hood? Or maybe hunger games? Either way, very stealthy, she loved the look of it. Opposite that was the grecian chaise lounge scene… he’d actually painted her asleep?! Jihyun! She internally scolded him. He could have just asked her to pretend to be asleep. Brat.

“Imagine if he hadn’t found his muse back!”

Her favorite so far had been the hardest pose to hold for the time he’d needed - a sword-weilding maiden from chinese folklore. It actually showed her in three distinct poses, as though in motion, and she stared at it for a long time. The last had her crumpled on the floor in front of a grave, hair in her face, soaked by rain. She’d remembered that - he’d asked her if she’d be willing to go stand in the shower in the giant pile of organza. She’d gotten the entire studio wet. It had been a riot.

“You did five of these just this month? You’re a madman, V… I mean Jihyun.”

But it wasn’t until she focused on the centerpiece - the only one she hadn’t posed for - that she realzied that none of the women in the paintings were actually her. She’d posed for them, but they had different hairstyles, different facial features, like she was playing characters instead of being herself.

“Jihyun, this collection is radiant. If it’s this good, then your muse must be exquisite.”

The centerpiece was actually a painting of her, done the last day she’d been in his studio, sitting ridiculously sideways in that oversized chair engrossed in her book, but instead of it being in his studio it was in a vast library. She couldn’t help but laugh when she realized how many hints he’d tried to give her that she was in fact sitting for another painting. He’d clearly wanted her to be herself. God she loved him.

She looked down, then, to where Jihyun was standing surrounded by a small group of people… all of whom were looking up at her. Of them, she recognized Jaehee from the coffee shop and Jumin his upstairs neighbor / childhood friend. There were also two gingers who could be twins, a girl with long brown fringe and even longer hair, a blonde with dark roots, and a … was that Zen?! Huh. He wasn’t kidding about the eclectic group of friends he had.

Jihyun held out a hand to beckon her over, and she made her way down the stairs and over to the group. Jihyun took her around the group; Jaehee, the owner/operator of the coffee shop she frequented. Jumin, his best friend from childhood and Director of C&R International. Saeyoung and Saeran, the computer-savvy twins. MC, the insightful party planner. Yoosung, the newly-minted Veterinarian. Zen, also known as Hyun, the actor.

“And I’m the model.” She shook her head. “I mean law student.” She smirked at Jihyun who laughed. She didn’t miss the surprised looks from his friends at the sound of his laugh. She was right. This man needed to smile and laugh more. If she could give that to him, she would gladly — no, that was a lie - she would accept simply being his friend. “You sell yourself short.” Jihyun said, a soft smile flickering into place. “This is Hen. My muse. My friend. I hope you can all get along well.”

“Don’t worry, Jihyun. We’ll take care of your girl when you inevitably get pulled away by boring rich guys.” One of the twins - Saeyoung, she thought, gold eyes - said with a smirk. 

After the introductions, the RFA scattered around the room as other patrons of the arts started to filter in, the official start time having passed. Jihyun held his arm out for her like a proper gentleman. “You look absolutely stunning tonight, Hen.” He said with that smile she loved so much.

“Thank you.” She felt her cheeks heat and willed herself to calm down. This was his show. “I didn’t want to make you look bad. Not after you made me look so good.” She gestured to the biggest piece of art in the room, and he had the grace to look embarrassed.

“I should have been up front and asked for your permission, but I wanted to paint you naturally, not posing. I’m sorry I lied to you, Hen.”

Hen shook her head. “You didn’t lie to me, Jihyun. You left so many crumbs, I could have assembled an entire loaf of bread from how much you were afraid to surprise me with this. Hell, you even offered to pay me a sitting fee just to hang out with you. The fact that I was still surprised is more on me than it is on you!”

“I’m still going to pay you for that.”

Hen smirked. They’d had this back and forth so many times, she couldn’t help but kick it up a notch.

“You could pay me back with a kiss.” She said, raising an eyebrow at him.

Jihyun not only sputtered trying to respond to her in any fashion, he even stopped walking.

Hen turned to apologize to him, just in time to see Jihyun school his features and hold his arm out properly again. Great, now you’ve done it, Hen. If he wasn’t going to turn you down before, he definitely is now.

Moments later, a group of men walked up and started talking to Jihyun about his works, and Hen tuned in so that she could respond to any questions asked of her. There weren’t any, of course, she was arm candy and most of them probably hadn’t even noticed that she was the woman pictured in the art.

Eventually, the event was in full swing, and Jihyun went up to the landing to talk about the art a bit. He told a story about a woman who loved to read more than anything, and her trips of imagination through storybooks. He talked about how the collection was about escapism through fiction, and how the modern world has made even fictional war more glamorous than our day-to-day slog through capitalism. 

He introduced her to the assembled patrons as his muse, the beautiful law student who deigned to stand, sit and otherwise pose for long hours just so that he might put some paint on canvas. There was nothing in his description about their friendship, or the bond they’d formed, simply a focus on a beautiful woman who inspired his art. He even kept her name out of it, kept her away from being associated with his art in any way but visually.

Hen was more certain than ever that this would be the last night she would see Jihyun. Maybe she wouldn’t tell him how she felt. Maybe it would be better to pretend that she wasn’t feeling any of this. After his talk, Jihyun passed her off to Saeyoung to walk through the gallery while he was accosted by too many people all at once, just as they’d predicted. 

Hen looked around for the rest of his friends, and couldn’t help but notice MC snuggled up to the other twin. “Those two are cute together.” She said discreetly, and Saeyoung laughed. 

“They are. They’ve been dating for a few years now.”

“Aww, that’s just too sweet.”

“You mean like you and Jihyun?”

Hen laughed bitterly. “I wish.”

“Oh come on, Hen, I’ve only known you for a few hours and—“

“I didn’t realize I was that obvious.” She chuckled ruefully at her own hubris. “He stopped me from confessing, Saeyoung. I don’t stand a chance with someone like him.”

Saeyoung sighed. “I think you’re selling yourself short. You’re good for him, Hen. I haven’t heard him laugh like that in… a very long time.”

Saeyoung’s words stuck with Hen the rest of the night, even as she was bounced between the other members of the RFA. Just as she was thinking she’d hit her limit for socialization for one night, and thought she might try to find Jihyun to say goodbye before heading out, the man found her himself, a hand at her elbow leading her away from the crowd.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get much time together tonight.” He said, turning her to face him, his hands gently circling her, keeping her close enough that their quiet voices wouldn’t carry.

“All those hours with me in your studio, I’m sure you had more than enough of me.”

“Never!” He said with a laugh. “What you were going to say the other night…”

Hen blushed, and bit her lip. Her confidence was gone. Her willingess to have her heart trampled had gone with it. “Jihyun, I…”

“Hen, I’m in love with you.” Jihyun interrupted, and Hen was suddenly very aware of how he was shaking.

“You…”

“I know, it’s inappropriate. I tried to be good, but I couldn’t have you end everything before you at least got to see the gallery and—“

Hen reached out and put her finger against his lips to silence him. “Jihyun. Me too.”

His eyes went wide, but she didn’t move her finger, and he didn’t attempt to say anything.

“I was so sure you were going to turn me down when I tried to confess after sushi.” She moved her hand away then, anxiously twisting her fingers together.

“Wait, you meant—“

She nodded, cursing the tears beading up in her eyes. “And then when you kept me out of your speech except the fact that I was standing there, I..”

“I wanted to keep your bright future from being tainted by my questionable past, is all.”

“We’re idiots, aren’t we? ”

He nodded. “Complete idiots, but at least we’re together.”

“We have got to learn to communicate better. No more throwing phones in the ocean.”

They shared a laugh, and Hen knew, then, that everything was finally going to be alright.

“Hey, let’s get out of here.” Jihyun said, that smile she loved so much lighting his face. “Jumin can handle the cleanup and closing.” He looked over her shoulder and she felt him shake with silent laughter.

Hen followed his line of sight to where Jumin was standing with Saeyoung, the former nodding discreetly while the latter made hand motions as if shooing them away. She giggled. “Okay, Jihyun Kim, I will allow you to drive me home.”

The ride home was silent, but it was a calm introspective kind of silence, rather than an anxious uncomfortable one. Hen, of course, was warring with herself internally about what she wanted to do with her night. She was reminded, as they pulled into her parking area, that she didn’t have to make these choices alone anymore.

“Do you want to come up for tea?” Hen asked quietly, fidgeting with the ends of her shawl in lieu of her usual sweatshirt strings.

“I would love to.” Jihyun said, just as softly.

She led him through the building to her lofty third-floor apartment, where she stepped out of her shoes and set about getting tea started. She set the mugs on the counter and opened the tea cabinet. When she turned to ask Jihyun what kind of tea he wanted, he was right behind her, and she startled. 

“Oh, hello there.” She said with an awkward giggle.

“Hi, Hen.” He said, leaning into her space. “May I kiss you?”

She nodded even as she felt the blush on her cheeks, and moments later his lips were on hers, and her arms were looped around his neck, holding him close. When they broke for air, they both laughed before moving toward each other again.

“What about the tea?” She asked, softly, afraid to break the spell.

“I… don’t need tea.” 

[aita-blorbos]

(tma oc ask content warning for canon typical levels of buried fuckery)

am i the asshole for driving away my friend?

hey reddit . im posting from a throwaway bc i dont want people connecting this to my work (though i doubt youve heard of me anyways) but i think i messed up terribly and i want to know if this is something i can still fix

also sidenote sorry if my grammar or punctuation or word choice or anything of that sort are poor. i have not been sleeping well for some time

i (19m) am a video game developer. its been my passion for years now and i am currently in uni studying computer games development and programming and level design . although i have considered dropping out but thats a point for later . i post on itch io and such and sometimes i make flash games but idk if anyone reading this has played a single one

its been a bit of a hard time for me, if im being honest. i really like games and i really liked making them but i dont think im very good at programming or art or level design or any of the other things that go into the process of making a game . at least a profitable and fun one .

so i ended up coming to this computer science study group in the hopes maybe someone could teach me to be better at programming. and i met this girl. i dont know exactly how old she is, but i want to say she was maybe two or three years ahead of me in her schooling, so probably about 22. anyways lets call her E

E was studying pure computer science and wanted to do it at a high level . so of course she was pretty good at helping me with my really rudimentary programming stuff . and she was friendly and funny and we liked hanging out so we ended up being good friends . she actually complimented my games, once i got them to function, and said my pixel art was cute . my point is we were close . maybe we wouldn’t have been so close if we had anyone else, but i was still new and she was pretty lonely .

really shortly after i met her though i started having fucked up dreams. ok that’s not entirely accurate because i had been having fucked up dreams on occasion for a while . but they got worse and she showed up in them. it was all me locking her in stairwells hitting her over the head and piling earth over her body filling her mouth with mud and cement. terrible things

so i stopped sleeping. i tried not to at least. im pretty sure most uni kids pull all nighters. i know i did even when i was younger. but i wasnt studying for exams or whatever. i was just trying and trying to force myself awake and i started to lose it a bit. my grip on things. it felt like i was sleepwalking through classes and even like i was dreaming when i was awake. id nod off for a moment in a lecture and id feel dirt caked on my hands under my fingernails. and no matter how much i scrubbed and how much i knew with my eyes it wasnt there it just. refused to come off . and it felt like her blood

i don’t remember how we got on the topic but i remember she told me how she always worried a little bit about being trapped . like claustrophobia of a flavor that shows itself in locked doors and thick walls and collapsing underground stations. that made me feel even more odd about the whole thing . of course i felt awful about hurting her but that part of it was like a joke i didn’t get

and then weirdly enough i got really into nineties 3D games. they have these skyboxes that make it really obvious they’re not actually infinite . and i thought that was kind of interesting in context. like the whole world is a box you’re in so why worry so much about if the stairwell door will lock behind you

i kind of started thinking that was something i would like to replicate with my art . like if i put all my issues into one game they would be out of my brain and gone . maybe it could even be pleasant without the whole preying on my friends terror thing

so now we get to the part of the story where i fear i really really messed up . i made this game . and honestly i dont remember the development very well . sleep deprivation is a dreadful thing . i remember again and again while i was making it kind of coming to my senses not knowing where i was and finding massive parts of the game that i didnt remember making at all.

it was set in a stairwell but i dont remember buying or making the models for the door . there was a really weird kind of way the game functioned with an infinite path going up but how that functioned i couldnt tell you . and i dont remember composing the audio or where i might have downloaded it from except that i never liked to listen to it for very long . i dont know why i kept it in the game

i always showed my games to E but i really wanted her to see this one in particular. so she came by my flat and played it and then i remember she just glared at me . there was something to the look she gave me . it was like she was completely horrified and was trying to pretend she was just angry instead

she hasnt spoken to me since . and i think i fucked up . i knew it was playing at her issues and i think maybe i even made it at least subconsciously to pry at them. like the same part of me with dirt under my fingernails was also sitting there typing away on that keyboard .

but at the same time its just a game . and im better at programming now too . like something just clicked there

honestly though development lately has been weird. its been hard trying to go back to the old sort of pixel art platformers and shoot em ups and that kind of thing i used to make. every time i open any program its like im just staring at it and imagining skyboxes. putting it all in a box imprisoning every world i make that kind of thing. like i said earlier ive been considering dropping out. but i dont know. i think id need to sleep on it

i still have weird fucked up dreams but E isnt in them anymore . i dont know where shes gone . i think maybe my idea worked somehow and i did transfer all that shit to my art . and then that just all went right to her . but i dont know if i like that idea or hate it

anyways reddit am i the asshole?

[inmywritingera]

Illicit Affairs: A Folklore Story

Part one: Betty

The Beginning

She never thought there was anything wrong with being a hopeless romantic. It’s what she grew up knowing, watching her parents dance in a refrigerator-lit room at midnight when they thought they were alone. Through their love, she saw the world through soft light and believed three fundamental things: people are innately good, everyone is worthy of love, and the right love will be built on mutual respect and understanding. She knew love was out there for her, just waiting in the shadows.

So when Betty officially met James in the fall of her junior year, something in her stirred and she thought, this could be it. He could be the one. The connection seemed instant and natural, leaving her thinking that they could someday mirror the love her parents had. And every love story has a beginning.

“Hey,'' came a soft, deep voice from behind her as she gathered her books from her locker. Startled, she whipped her head around, wild blonde curls flying around her shoulders. There he was. James. She felt her heart tremble and the butterflies in her stomach fluttered so strongly she thought they would fly up her throat and out of her mouth. “You’re Betty, right?” 

“Obviously,” she replied, internally cringing. Don’t screw this up, she urged herself. “I mean yeah, I’m Betty. Don’t you know this?” She chuckled nervously and tucked a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear., glancing up at him from beneath her long eyelashes. He towered over her, his dark hair unkempt as if he had just rolled out of bed. To her absolute horror, she was suddenly flooded with visions of them together in his bed, making the blood rush to her cheeks. Being so close to him allowed her imagination to run wild and she quickly pretended to be very interested in her shoes. 

“Well, yeah. We’re in chemistry together.” I know that, she thought, hoping that he wasn’t just an idiot. She’d been fawning over him for years, despite never really speaking to him. He was the quiet but funny type with strong opinions. They’d shared history class together last year; whenever it came time for him to present a project, he did so with a passion that made it clear he was genuinely interested in the topic. He was well-liked amongst most teachers and was just popular enough that he was known around school by most students for his soft-spoken humor. She’d gushed and gushed to her best friend until Augustine had finally told her to stop and actually do something about it. I didn’t have to, did I? Betty thought smugly.

“Yeah, we do have chemistry together,” she said rather stupidly, still staring at her shoes. “We had history last year, too.”

“Well, I don’t mind having chemistry or history with you.” 

Wait, what? Was he…flirting? At this point, Betty finally lifted her head and looked up at him, blue eyes wide. His chocolate eyes stared intently back.

 “Listen, I know we’ve only kind of seen each other at parties and shared a couple of classes, but we don’t really know each other, do we?”

“I guess not.” Get to the point, she thought, worried about being late to class.

“I’d like to get to know you,” he said conspiratorially, leaning in close. “I’ve had my eyes on you for a while.” He paused and chuckled softly. “Wow, that sounded way creepier than it did in my head.”

“Yeah, it did,” Betty laughed. “But I guess now I can say the same.” Her heart was racing and she nervously rubbed her palms on the front of her jeans. “I’ve kind of been into you for a while, too.” She paused. “You make me laugh.” 

“Well, this is a great coincidence,” he stated as they finally started their walk to the chemistry classroom, making mindless but comfortable smalltalk. The hallways were buzzing with summer vacation gossip and new couples making out against lockers. They stopped just outside, ignoring a particularly entwined couple, and turned to face each other. “You know, it’s unseasonably warm today,” he said suddenly. Seriously, the weather?? 

“It is,” she said simply, wondering where this was going.

“An unseasonably warm September day makes for a perfect walk on the beach, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I suppose so..?” Is he about to…

“Okay, I’ve been working up to this for a while.” He looked nervous but quickly composed himself and smoothly continued, running his hand through his hair. “Why don’t we take a walk down to the beach after class?  The surf is still pretty intense with the storm yesterday and there’s something about the crashing waves…”

“That brings you peace?” Betty finished for him. James smiled.

“Exactly.” Her heart was thumping so loudly there was no way he couldn’t hear it. “We’ll go there after class and find our peace, yeah?”

Oh, my god. This isn’t happening. This is a dream and I’ll wake up any minute.

“Okay,” she said with a smile. 

“All right,” James grinned. “It’s a date.”

The Dance

“It’s gorgeous, James!” Betty exclaimed as James tied the corsage around her wrist as their parents wildly snapped picture after picture. It was a band of white lace decorated with peonies and lavender, Betty’s favorite flowers. The blues and purples matched perfectly with the pastel chiffon of her prom dress. The air was sweet with the scent of pollen and approaching summer, with only a lingering nip of the late spring wind. James beamed, evidently very pleased with himself.

“I knew you’d love it,” he said, and tilted her face towards him to gently press his lips against hers. He took her decorated wrist and bowed to kiss her hand. “Shall we?” 

They turned together and stepped through the doors of the school hand in hand, pausing for a quick, cheap portrait before entering the gymnasium. It had been transformed by tricks of lights and florals into a garden paradise. Music pulsed from speakers all around the room and the dance floor was already thick with classmates celebrating the end of a stressful school year. The last nine months had flown by in a flurry of college applications and essays and it was clear Betty wasn’t the only one relieved that it was over and welcomed the start of summer break. 

It wasn’t all so bad, though–she’d had James. It hadn’t been just nine months of bureaucratic college nonsense–it had been nine months of walks on the beach, regardless of the temperature. Snow on the beach was weird, but beautiful. They spent nights together when he made her his own and enjoyed plaid shirt days as autumn stripped the trees bare. It was nine months of kisses stolen in his car at a stoplight. Holidays with each other’s families. A winter wrapped in each other’s arms, the heat of their skin against each other keeping them warm through every snowstorm. Falling in love with James had been the greatest part of junior year and Betty had been looking forward to dancing with him for months.

“Oh look, there’s Augustine!” She was standing by the drink table looking like a completely different person. The backless red dress she wore clung to her body like a second layer of skin and the auburn hair she usually wore in a messy bun fell sleekly down her back, stopping just above her waist. Betty knew that Augustine was easily one of the most beautiful girls in their grade, and Augustine carried herself with an air of confidence that indicated she knew that, as well. She always drew attention from guys across every clique and nonchalantly brushed off every advance. That confidence surrounded her in a halo and the air around her seemed to shimmer as she made her way towards them.

“Girl, you look incredible!” Betty said, looking her best friend up and down with approval. She didn’t notice that James was also staring at Augustine. “No wonder you kept it a secret from me!” She grabbed Augustine’s hand. “Let’s go dance!”

The trio made their way towards the dance floor, and let themselves become swept up in the music and movement of dancing bodies. Betty was finishing a dance with Augustine when the music slowed and the soft introduction to her favorite song began.

“Oh, my god, James! It’s our song!” Betty turned excitedly towards James, only to find him gone. She turned towards Augustine. “Where’s James?” she asked. Augustine just shrugged and told Betty she was going to go take a break. 

“Wanna dance?” Someone she didn’t recognize had approached her while she was searching the room for James and was holding out his hand.

“Do I know you?” Betty asked, eyeing her suitor with a raised eyebrow.

“You will once you dance with me.” She rolled her eyes. This guy seemed annoying already.

“I’m here with my boyfriend, you know.”  I think I am, anyway.

Mystery Guy looked around. “I don’t see him.” He turned back to her.  “Besides, I’m sure he won’t mind. Once he sees my hot moves, he’ll be jealous he isn’t me.” He spun in a very Michael Jackson manner and Betty laughed then. Well, it is my favorite song, she reasoned with herself. Plus, he seems harmless.

“Okay, fine,” she said with a resigned smile. He put his arms around her and Betty scanned the room again, just in time to see James standing in the doorway looking like he was about to get his knuckles bloody. But he didn’t approach them and take her in his arms himself. Instead, he turned on his heel and stormed away.

Rumors

James had never returned when he left the gym on prom night. Betty received a text from him just before the end of the dance explaining that he was getting claustrophobic and had to go home. Ever since, things seemed different. She knew he was angry with her for dancing with someone else at prom, but they’d talked about it. She had apologized and explained that she just wanted to dance to her favorite song but James was gone. Things seemed fine for a while.

She wasn’t exactly sure when everything changed, but she didn’t feel like James was James. He spent most of his time working at Schmoe’s, a yogurt shop down on the beach, so they didn’t see each other as much. But it wasn’t just that. He seemed distracted whenever they were together, always checking his phone. She chalked it up to nerves, knowing he had recently sent out a bunch of college applications and was likely waiting for a response. They didn’t walk on the beach the way they used to but occasionally at night, they would wander down and watch the waves bring the moon’s reflection to the shore. James would check his phone and suddenly declare that he needed to head back home. He never gave a reason why; he’d just kiss her good night and she would walk home alone. Every time she asked him what was wrong, he’d just brush it off and after a while, she developed a sinking feeling that something wasn’t right between them.

Betty was writing out a college essay in Augustine’s room when she noticed a sweatshirt that she recognized crumpled on the bed. “Hey, isn’t this James’s?” She asked, holding up the sweatshirt. 

“Oh yeah,” Augustine said, quickly looking back down at her own essay. “I ran into him at Schmoe’s last night and it was freezing, so he lent me his sweatshirt so I wouldn’t be cold walking home.” 

“That was so nice of him,” Betty said dreamily, continuing her work. “Isn’t he the sweetest?”

“Yeah, he is,” Augustine replied quietly, focusing on the essay. Betty felt an uneasy suspicion creeping in as she took note of the  strange tone in Augustine’s voice, but quickly  brushed it off as ridiculous. There’s no way.

Betty and James were having one of their beach walks on a particularly humid night. Betty was deep in thought and James was silent, which wasn’t unusual for him these days. It had been a few days, but that sweatshirt on Augustine’s bed was still on Betty’s mind. She decided to broach it cautiously. 

“Hey, did Augustine ever give you your sweatshirt back?” Betty asked James casually. 

“Huh?” James responded, snapping out of whatever reverie was grasping his attention.

“Your sweatshirt. It was at Augustine’s; she said you guys ran into each other the other night and you gave it to her so she wouldn’t be cold.”

“Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah, she gave it back.”

“Oh, good.” She paused, wondering if she should follow her train of thought. “When? I was just over her house and we’ve hung out, like, all week.”  Her attempts at sounding casual were weakened by the slight accusatory tone in her voice. If James noticed, he didn’t give any indication.

“Uh..she dropped it off at Schmoe’s earlier today.” He quickly changed the subject then, asking Betty about her college essays, effectively ending the conversation.

James’s unusual behavior continued until finally Betty found herself thinking, is there someone else? The thought came suddenly, catching her off guard. The signs were certainly there but could also easily be explained away. She tried to shrug the feeling off, but it remained in the back of her mind like a mosquito in her ear as she recalled once again the hoodie on Augustine’s bed and the heavy feeling of suspicion she had felt in her chest. Don’t be silly, she scolded herself. They would never do that to me.

But when she had asked James about it, his story didn’t quite add up. She spent the entire week with Augustine, and James was at work most of that time. She couldn’t figure out when Augustine would’ve given the sweatshirt back. She felt ridiculous stressing over an article of clothing but something just wasn’t sitting right with her.

She was stretched languidly on her beach towel, soaking in the burning late July sun, when her phone buzzed with a text from Ines. Betty shared a few classes with her and had shared many for the last three years. She didn’t necessarily consider Ines a friend but she had her number, and discussions were mostly about assignments and the occasional small talk. That’s why she was surprised when she opened the message.

I think there’s something you should know.

She knew Ines was a gossip, but Betty’s heart did a little flip anyway.

A second text came through a moment later. It’s about James.

“You can’t believe a word Ines says!” James exclaimed, pulling at his hair in frustration. Betty stared coldly at him, arms crossed over her chest. They were standing in James’s bedroom with Betty still as a stone and James frantically pacing.

“Most times.”

“Jesus, Betty! You seriously think I left prom, got in the car with your best friend, and have been sleeping with her ever since? Because Ines told you??”

“Well, she saw you get in the car with Augustine when you allegedly went home because you were ‘claustrophobic.’” Betty’s voice was thick with sarcasm at “claustrophobic.” James blanched. “She also saw you at the beach with her last week and she said it didn’t look like ‘just friends.’”

“Oh please,” James said, rolling his eyes. “Ines would say anything to stir the pot. Yes, I was at the beach with Augustine, but it was because we ran into each other after I was done with work. We hung out a bit and I gave her my hoodie so she wouldn’t be cold.” That did match up with what Augustine told her. Maybe she was overreacting…

 “Besides,” James continued in an accusing tone. “You’re one to talk about looking like more than ‘just friends’.”

Betty sighed in exasperation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, James.”

“I’m talking about prom night! I leave for a second and come back to see you dancing with some random guy!” He was beginning to raise his voice and Betty felt rage start to bubble in her chest.

“For God’s sake, James!” she yelled. “I thought we already talked about it–you can’t seriously be throwing that in my face again. That was two freaking months ago! It was just a dance! ”

“To our song!” She could see James getting angrier and angrier, which only fed the flames of her own fury. 

“James, it was just a dance!” She repeated in frustration. “You were gone.”

“I just had to get some air! I hate crowds, you know that!”

“Well, in any case, I had the opportunity to dance. I already apologized for that. But your response seemed to be getting in the car and the bed of my best friend.” She stared directly at him, her face stoic despite the rage in her chest as she watched a variety of emotions cross his face. He quickly pulled himself together, taking a deep, steadying breath.

“Betty,” he said slowly. “You’re being crazy.”

Oh, no he didn’t. If she wasn’t crazy before, she certainly was now. Red hot fury sped up her neck and into her cheeks and she curled her hands into fists. 

“Do not fucking call me crazy, James!” she shouted. “You’ve been acting weird all fucking summer! This explains literally everything!”

“You’re being paranoid for no reason!”

“For no reason?! Ines tells me you’ve been sleeping around with my best friend and your best response is that I’m fucking being ‘paranoid for no reason’? Be serious, James!”

“I said it once and I’ll say it again–you cannot believe a fucking word Ines says. You know this!” He took a deep breath, collecting himself before stepping towards her.  “Betty, I would never hurt you. You know that, right?” His voice was low as he pulled her towards his chest and stroked her hair. She sighed against him and they stood that way for a while.

“I’m sorry,” Betty said, a little uncertainly. “I guess I did let Ines get in my head a bit. She’s probably just bored and wants something to talk about.”

“I’m sorry I called you crazy. I was just frustrated that you weren’t listening to me when I was telling you that she’s a damn gossip.” She didn’t respond, just laid her ear against his chest and listened to his heart thump.

“I would never hurt you, Betty,” James repeated. And for a moment, Betty believed him.

But then she saw it. A half-used bottle of perfume that she instantly recognized. Her stomach dropped and she pulled away from him.

“James,” she said slowly, pointing at the bottle. “What is that?”

Panic flashed across James’s face. “Perfume,” he said obviously. He moved away from her and began pacing again as Betty further inspected the bottle. “It’s an early birthday present.” She could tell he was working to sound confident but Betty wasn’t an idiot. “James, I’m not stupid. You know I don’t wear perfume.” She turned and faced James, a coldness creeping through her veins as realization struck her. “But Augustine does.” 

James paled then and stopped pacing to look at her. “Why is Augustine’s perfume in your bedroom, James?” He swallowed hard and just stared at her, anxiety plain on his face.

Betty took another deep breath, already knowing the answer. “Did you sleep with her?” She paused and added softly, “You can’t keep lying to me now.” He was silent, staring intently at her, then sighed deeply in resignation, giving up on his attempts at ignorance.

“I did,” he admitted quietly. “I am. Ines is right.” Betty felt the blood drain from her face and she began to tremble. She stepped away from him. This time it was true, she thought grimly as tears prickled in her eyes. Suspecting your boyfriend was cheating and knowing it for sure were two different things.

“And you called me crazy…”. She sank onto his bed and put her head in her hands. Her chest burned from the shards of her broken heart and a heavy pit made its home in her stomach. She was my best friend…how could she…there was an indescribable storm of rage swirling and bubbling in that new pit and she clenched her hands hard against her forehead, wishing she could pound out the images invading her mind. She knew if she acted on her anger she would destroy him. She knew if she acted on her anger she would hurl words and lamps at him with intent to harm. She knew that she would have so much to regret if she acted on her anger, and so she didn’t say anything at all. No one likes a mad woman. The soft world built on the foundation of the love she grew up watching her parents share crumbled into dust around her. What was there to say?

James begged her to say something, but she remained silent. I gave him so many signs that I knew something was wrong. But he lied. And lied. And lied. She was vaguely aware of James’s feeble attempts at explaining himself but couldn’t hear anything over the thud of her own heart and the ringing in her ears. He wasn’t just my first. He was hers, too. Augustine was her best friend, after all. 

After a while, she turned her despairingly blue gaze onto James, who looked like he was going to vomit. She regarded him for another moment, then stood and silently left the room. James called out to her, begging her to stay and talk, but she was gone, leaving him in the hall with the last of his love in his hands.

Cardigan

As composed as she had been when James and Augustine broke her heart, by the time Betty reached her car across the street, she was falling apart. She sobbed and screamed and smashed her fists on her steering wheel, cursing James for throwing her aside like an old cardigan after spending almost a year telling her she was his favorite. Memories flooded her mind and she flashed back to their early days when they walked home from a house party and drunkenly danced under a streetlight, laughing loudly enough that neighbors yelled out their windows to tell them to shut up. He held her closer than usual that night and kissed her with passion and intensity. His hand had traveled under her sweatshirt and the night ended with their chests pressed tightly together, hearts beating in unison. 

Tears ran hot down her face as visions of worn Levi’s and streetlights, snowball fights and quiet nights flashed before her eyes like a silent movie. Her chest ached, tight and hot as she struggled to fill her lungs with air. She continued screaming curses at him from the privacy of her car before turning her anger onto Augustine as her mind raced with images of Augustine and James together in ways she thought were only for her. 

She was angry with herself for not listening to her intuition, which had told her for weeks that something wasn’t right. What did I do to deserve this, she sobbed to herself. Even on my worst days, I do not deserve this hell.

After a while, Betty’s tears began drying on her cheeks as she stared blankly forward, not seeing past her windshield. She stayed that way, observing the coldness that was spreading across her heart, leaving her completely numb. Betty eventually looked up at the house to see James standing at the window, watching her. 

She felt oddly calm as she pulled out her phone and sent Augustine a simple, short message. 

You can have him, but never speak to me again.

Betty blocked Augustine then, put her phone on silent, and pulled away. She knew James was still watching from his window. She drove away without looking back.

[allthingsfook]

Hi there!! Not sure if you are still doing ships but if you are could i please have one??

My name is Shae i am 22 years old and a virgo (Sagittarius Moon Rising if that is of any use). I have green/grey? eyes and auburn-ish curly hair (ish because it only looks red in the sun) and i’m about 5’3. I have been told that i am an extremely loyal person and that i am hilarious and should be a comedian. I am very opinionated and am also not afraid to call people out when i see fit and that has gotten me in trouble a couple of times but i’d rather let someone know when i am not happy than just suck it up to make the other person comfortable (lets just say you don’t want to get on my bad side).I am an extremely creative person i love to paint and sculpt and do anything hands on. I danced for 18 years, 15 of them competitively and could have made a career out of it if i wanted to. I can sing as well as play a few instruments (did violin for 3 years, learned the basics of ukulele, i kinda know guitar? But I haven’t touched it in years so who knows how i am at it now). I have worked with animals before and loved it so much i am trying to get into the animal course in my state so i can continue to do so. I am a HUGE nerd especially for anything to do with pop culture, history and Mythology and i love anything nostalgic. I’m a huge thrifter and i love any old type of media (vhs tapes,cameras, things of that sort) i also love to explore new places and love a good bushwalk. I am known in my friend group for being cow obsessed (to the point that if my friends are on a roadtrip and see a cow they will send me a pic) and for being full of a wide range of knowledge that even I don’t understand where it comes from. I think that’s enough info and Idk how to end this so bye

Hi Shae, yes you may! I ship you with…

Sam 🤍🌅🧡

Sammy is definitely a goober, he needs to be with someone who can take and give a joke! Being with him is sorta like living at a comedy show, nothing is mundane. With that being said, Sammy does have a serious, intellectual side. He often gets labeled as the class clown, but I am sure that he can be your rock when you need it.

Another characteristic you both share is being honest to a fault! Your honesty and strong views would capture Sam’s attention from the very beginning and remain his favorite quality about you. Sam is certainly attracted to those that march to their own drum. Sounds like you fill those shoes!

Your artistic side would create quality time between the two of you. He’d love tackling an art project on a Sunday afternoon. Imagine setting up a craft station in the backyard and spending the day painting and sculpting, listening to music and sipping wine!

Sammy would certainly encourage you to exercise your inner musician. He’d set you up with all sorts of instruments, encouraging you through this at home lessons 🤭 Although his methods may seem scatterbrained, you’d slowly realize they are effective when you practice while he’s away.

As we all know, Sam is passionate about wildlife and animals. He’d support you in any way to get into the animal course! Through your adventure with that, I could see him tagging along to events that include petting, feeding, and snuggling animals 😆 He’d beg to bring home an impractical animal and convince you that he could make it work!

Sam is the definition of nerd. Imagine laying in bed when he brings up the most random topic, then you lay there for hours on end… discussing your thoughts, feelings, and ambitions 🤍 Thrifting right up his alley ✅ Media… Photograohy, yup ✅ I see he’s been walking around with a vintage camera lately. So sweet to think Joe inspired him to document his creative vision. I’d love to see the film he gets developed. With you, no doubt he’d end up with rolls filled with candids of your beautiful face 💗

I hope you enjoyed your ship, Shae!!! Let me know what you think ✨✨

[thinking-of-thinking]

Why am I doing this?

“Why am I doing this?” is a question I often ask myself and if we're being honest, it’s a question every teenager or adult asks themselves. I have never used Tumblr in my life and honestly thought I never would. I had no idea what the app consisted of and had no clue how to use it (I still don’t), I always thought of it as an old app that only people in their 30s use. When I was told that I would have to create a blog using Tumblr or another platform similar to it for my first-year seminar class I was shocked. It’s not a task that I expected a college course to assign us, I assumed I would have to write an 8-10 page paper or some other ridiculously long and boring assignment. Honestly, at first, I would’ve preferred the paper because it’s what I know how to do, I’ve practiced doing it for years and a blog would be something completely new to me. Most of the time in a school setting you’re rarely asked to write about quite literally anything you want, so this would be a new challenge. I thought of ideas I could use for my blog, I wrote down anything I could think of in my notes app, which if you didn’t know already is a girl's best friend. Next thing you know I have a total of 20 random hit-or-miss topics, most of them consisting of ‘late-night thoughts’ that every teenager experiences. Others were topics that I was really passionate about and had a very strong opinion about. However, I never talked about them with people in my life because I simply felt they wouldn’t care. Now that I have this blog to work on and have unlimited freedom in terms of writing topics. I thought to myself, “Why not say everything I’ve always wanted to say?” It’s the perfect opportunity to let go of things that have been on my mind or just talk about my day. I guess I’ll be using this blog as a sort of personal diary which is why it's called Brain Office. Inspired by the Spongebob Squarepants episode where we get to take a look at what's really going on in his mind and how the system works. That’s how I visualize my brain working, just little me’s pulling it together, unorganized and chaotic. At least, that's how it feels sometimes, most of the time though, I will say I do know what I’m doing. I’m just hoping that by writing this blog I’ll be able to reach one random person out there and have them be able to relate to what I’m saying. Hopefully, this becomes a space where people can talk about random things without feeling judged by others. Even though I started this blog as an assignment, I’m looking forward to it growing into more and being something I can just have fun with. Who knows, maybe I’ll like it so much that I continue it in the future even after the class ends. 

[graziadiocenterilpostino]

Chiara Sala: on visiting CSULB

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself and your Italian background. How did you become interested in visiting Cal State Long Beach?

Hi everyone! My name is Chiara and I am 24 years old. I live with my friends in Milan in a very nice small apartment and I attend the State University of Milan, one of the oldest and most beautiful universities on the world (in my opinion!). I study one of my biggest passions: Italian literature. I have always lived in a small town close to Milan with my family and now that I live in a big city I can tell that it is a totally different and more exciting lifestyle. It totally suits my way of being: I am an curious and outgoing person and I love meeting new people, which means that a cosmopolitan city like Milan creates the perfect environment to do all of this. I also have a lot of passions like dancing, playing sports, and visiting museums and art galleries. Luckily, Milan facilitates keeping all these hobbies alive. I am also a Christian and for this reason, living close to one of the most beautiful cathedrals in the world (Duomo, Santa Maria Nascente) is something incredible for me.  

Even though I really like my city and my country I always love to travel. My family has always been adventurous and curious: my parents and older siblings spent 6 years in Uganda in the 90s and since then, they never stopped traveling. My sister Daniela has been living in Ecuador for the past 12 years and my sister Anna just moved from Beijing to South Sudan. I’ve always found the USA fascinating and this is why I chose to spend my senior year in high school in New York City. Since then I fell deeply in love with the United States and I’ve always dreamed to go back there one day. This is why I decide to write my master thesis in the US. Thanks to my cousin Caterina (who lives in Los Angeles) I decided to contact Dr. Enrico Vettore, her former Italian teacher at CSULB, which is the university that she attended. In the last 3 years of college, I started to take an interest in teaching Italian to foreign students and I thought that it would be interesting for me to have an experience abroad to learn more about the different teaching methods of the Italian language.  

2. You came to CSULB to do observations for your research. Can you tell us a bit about the work you did and other projects you have going on?

Dr. Enrico Vettore and Dr. Clorinda Donato told me about the intercomprehensive approach that is used at CSULB with the Spanish speakers and I found this topic very interesting–this is why I decided to attend the different Italian classes. I observed how this approach worked and how the students respond to this kind of method. Before I came to California, I did not know anything about intercomprehension, it was a totally new concept for me that had I never heard about in my studies at my university. For this reason, I tried to learn as much as possible from the professors and from Dr. Clorinda Donato, who was kind enough to let me interview her. It has been an amazing experience, and I find it really interesting to observe such good and competent professors as they introduced new students to my language.  

Now, I will work on finishing my thesis and I will graduate at the end of April.  

3. What are your post-graduation plans? Is there an ideal career path you have? Would you prefer to remain in Italy or move abroad?

I would love to teach either Italian literature to Italian students or Italian language to foreign students. I had an amazing experience as a student with my Italian teacher in high school. I think the years in high schools are very difficult, but also fascinating and I believe it would be both challenging and incredible to teach something that I love as much as literature to Italian boys and girls. At the same time, I would like to spend some more years abroad, possibly in the US to teach the Italian language. I still have to make a decision, but I find both possibilities exciting. 

4. Is there any advice you have for someone visiting Italy? What are the must-see locations?

Even though Italy is a small country. it is famously beautiful in each and every region. The beauty of its art is in every city from the North to South: I could tell you to visit Florence, Naples, Siena, Rome, or to enjoy the southern sun in the Mediterranean beaches of Calabria, Apulia and Sicily. But I would like to focus more on the North since it’s the side of the country where I grew up and I feel like it is not as known as the other places. Lombardy and Veneto have some of the largest and most beautiful lakes of the country, I would suggest to visit Lake Como, Lake Lecco and, and above all, Lake Garda. There are some gorgeous little towns in which you can visit some of the fanciest villas you will ever seen. If you go to the Aosta Valley and Piedmont, you will have the chance to see the Alps and some of the most iconic mountains of Italy such as Monte Rosa and the Cervino. If you are planning to visit Italy in the winter you should definitely take a day or two to ski in these regions. Some places, like the famous Bormio, are known for their incredible scenic outdoors spas where you can relax in fancy Jacuzzis while admiring beautiful landscapes. In Piedmont, you can find some beautiful valleys where you can try some of the best wine you will ever experience. If you want to enjoy some days at the beach, you can go to Liguria and see the Cinque Terre. If you are used to sandy beaches, you will be a little disappointed, though, because these little towns are built on the rocks and it is not easy to find a comfortable spot to lie down and sunbathe. But I assure you, you will be surprised by the uniqueness of these little colorful towns. There are plenty of cities you should visit while you travel in the North like: Turin, Venice, Bolzano, Bergamo, Genoa, Pavia, but I want to focus on my city, Milan. Unfortunately, Milan is rarely found in the category of the “beautiful cities of art,” since is mainly known for its business and it is considered to be the most modern city in Italy. But I think its beauty lies in the encounter between its aggressive modernity and the past that is preserved among its streets. If you go to Milan, I would suggest to visit the neighborhood of Brera, the Duomo, and the Navigli, which are artificial canals where young people like to hang out and drink and chat. If you like soccer you should go to see a game at the San Siro stadium, and if you enjoy opera, I would suggest you to go to the Scala. Milan is famous for its fashion, so if you are into stylish clothes you should go shopping in the main streets of the city like Montenapoleone and via della Spiga.

5. This semester you are returning to Italy. What was your fondest memory on campus? What do you think you will miss the most from Long Beach?

I am really sad that I had to leave CSULB. It is a beautiful campus and I had some incredible experiences that I will never forget. Above all, I will miss the opportunity to meet people that are so different from me. Honestly, in the beginning I found kind of hard to introduce myself to the students because I think Americans are less sociable than Italians. But with some effort I succeeded in making friends and I am very happy and grateful for those relationships; I will miss them a lot. I like that it is so easy to find people that have different interests, perspectives, beliefs and backgrounds from me. I will also miss Italian classes; I love that they are so small and I really appreciated the relationships with the teachers. I found the professors to be very nice and always available. I feel how much they care about their students and there is not much distance between them and the class. I also really liked the amount of entertainment that you can find on campus (bowling, gym, pool, etc.) I really enjoyed spending time with my friends in those areas. I will miss Long Beach very much, I loved the food, the weather (in Milan it is 0 degrees Celsius today!) and the company!  

Chiara Sala

[seoscribbles]

what my life is like on adhd meds

“it’ll be like night and day.” that’s what my doctor told me. this scared me to my core. what if I don’t notice much of a difference? what if i don’t have adhd, and all this time i’ve spent on trying to get a diagnosis was all for nothing? what if i’m just like this? what if i’m just a lazy person, not living up to my potential, and it’s my fault?

or, maybe just as bad, what if they do work? what if it is like night and day? what if something fundamental about myself changes, what if it turns me into a different person? what if my passion for my hyperfixations, my ability to speak at length about whatever is on my mind, my drive and excitement, all fades away into plainness? what if adhd is all that made me special? made me myself?

In the end, it was like night and day. Sometimes moonlight doesn’t illuminate all that the daylight can.

My sight was the first change I noticed. You know when you’re watching old cartoons, and the background is sloppily drawn? The art department didn’t get enough funding, the studio was cutting corners. So the only things that are in detail are the ones that the main characters interact with. That’s how everything felt before I started medication. Everything except for the things that I spent an exorbitant amount of energy trying to focus on was drawn with very little detail, and so the mind does not linger on them long.

And then, the meds kick in. And it’s like the world is in HD. Full colour. And that feeling you have when you ponder the beauty of your surroundings kicks up within you and you can’t believe how the world looked before.

Then there’s the sound. Music feels crisp in my ear. Lyrics come to me like they were always there, and listening to new songs with unfamiliar lyrics doesn’t feel like trying to understand the intercom on the subway anymore. It touches you more intimately. I used to be afraid of talking about music with other people. it didn’t really feel like I got it they way they did.

And you speak with people, and you’re engaged. You realize you can listen to your girlfriend talk for hours about fallout new vegas and not miss a word, and without interrupting. When I talk, I can go as in-depth into a topic as I want, and conversation threads aren’t lost.

My steps are grounded, I walk with more confidence. I hold things and I do not drop them. I walk into rooms confidently and my keys do not disappear.

Then there’s the words. I used to devour words on a page for hours at a time. But that was then, when reading was a distraction from the others. Now, the others are a distraction from the reading, and I couldn’t reach out and touch them anymore. That was the most devastating thing, losing the words.

But I take the meds, and the words come back, like an old friend’s come over again, and it feels like no time has passed since we last spoke. I can read. I can write. I feel like myself.

I was afraid that the medication might make the world seem dull, or make me feel out of touch with myself. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The potential I had, the things I was capable of, were parts of who I knew myself to be. When I failed to meet that potential, not being able to finish readings for classes or forgetting to bring the supplies I needed to tutor my students, I felt  my personhood, my character, my identity, slipping away from me. On meds, the road to getting it back doesn’t seem so difficult.

This isn’t to say that everyone should take meds, or that they’re perfect. I know they are inaccessible to many people, and they were inaccessible to me my entire life. There are side effects, and they are not a cure. But I’m really happy to be able to see the daylight.

[eartht137]

FOR THE BETTER

Hello and greetings to anyone that gets to read this. It is my first story. I wanted to try and see how this was received before continuing so please feel free to let me know how you like it. Please be easy on me it is my first one I am new to this, but I hope you like it. Its a bit slow right now but I swear the chapters will get going as we go along on this ride together. Okay *curvies* love ya! Enjoy!

Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader

SUMMARY: (I suck at them but here goes) After working miserable unfulfilling jobs, you decide to go back to school to pursue your dream in writing. You get the very handsome, very smart Mr. Kent as your English/Literature Professor. You've always stayed to yourself preferring to have your alone time and focus on your writing. Mr. Kent comes in to shake that way of thinking up and its all with your best interest at heart (well his best interest at heart){Cheesy, am I right?}

"For the weekend's assignment. Something very simple, almost high school level. Don't complicate it." Mr. Kent said dragging his feet to tell you all what the stupid assignment was.

"Get to the point." You thought out loud as you rested your head in your hand. He glared at you for moment before continuing. You felt your face flush, because-'no way he heard me' you thought.

"I want you all to write me a paper on...one thing you like about yourself and why." He rushed out. "I want you all to be as genuine as possible, if you're going to be journalists you have to capture your audience. If you can sell yourself, then you can sell a story. If you're a snooze fest......I honestly don't know what to tell you" He chuckled

Everyone groaned because why???

"Due next Monday on the dot. NO EXCEPTIONS!" He belted. "If you don't have your paper on Monday, you will stand up and give a 5 minute speech on said topic."

'What kind of teenage topic is this?' You thought.

"Don't give me lip guys, you signed up for this. I didn't make you do anything." He said pointing at all of you. "No complaining. Monday! Class dismissed." He announced causing everyone to scatter. You were just about out the door when he stopped you.

"Y/n, can you stay back for bit?"

"Yeah sure." You immediately got nervous. You weren't used to being singled out, you always managed to stay below the radar. You'd figured out ways to stay out of sight out of mind after always being criticized by your family, so getting asked to stay back wasn't a normal thing. You braced yourself for the "you can do better speech" and hoped it wouldn't take too long. You watched as the room emptied and he gathered his stuff.

"Come on, lets step into my office." He said leading the way with his hands full. "Have a seat." he said motioning to the chair in front of his desk. you sat feeling butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Literally everyone would've given anything to be where you were. Mr. Kent was almost mythical. You didn't know a day where you didn't think 'DAMN that man know he fine!' And you knew he knew it.

"Bet you think I'm gonna talk about your grades." he chuckled. "While I do require your improvement,"

'Require?' you thought hoping your face didn't covey your attitude.

"I wanted to talk about something else."

"O-kay?"

"I've notice, you're very um...to yourself, is everything-"

'Oh there it is.'

"Mr. Kent, please don't analyze me. I am a whole different breed of human. I don't do people."

"I'm sorry?" he asked tilting his head.

"I just value my alone time. You can't have that with people."

"You can still have space with other people in your life." he said shaking his head at you.

"I didn't say space, I said alone time, and that's not the same. That's still with people. Like, no." you said crossing you arms.

He stared at your for a second, the he began to laugh, and rub his eyes. "You really are something."

"Mm-hmm its true."

"I'm just saying its healthy to get out and socialize every once and awhile, not all the time, I mean-don't you get lonely sometimes?

"No, not really. I mean don't give me wrong I'm human. I get the urge to hang out, then I do, then I remember why I didn't want to do it in the first place." you said realizing you were almost ranting. He eyed you as if he didn't believe you.

"I tell you what, I know you say you're fine, but for my sanity, can we be friends? You know just someone to check on you, make sure you're okay? If-if you hate it by the end of the week then I'll let it go."

"Mr. Kent, no offense, but why do you care? I mean, you have your own life, I'm sure you got a nice family you should be there for, so like....I'm gonna need a it all to make sense."

"Its mean, don't get me wrong I enjoy solitude too, and its not because I don't like people," he chuckled, "but I know what its like to sometimes need someone I could just talk to when I really needed it most and not having it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Its funny because it would always lead me home."

"Well that's the difference between you and me, there is no going back." you sighed. You contemplated it 'It couldn't hurt could it?' "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can be friends." you resigned.

"Great!" he said clapping his hands together.

"Only til the end of the week." You said standing stretching. "So we good? Can I go?"

"Actually, what are you doing tonight? I mean, my ma is cooking dinner and-"

"Okay anything food related, I'm down." You cut him off.

"Good, well I'll pick you up at 6?"

"Yeah sure." You said trying to get away.

"Uh, Y/n?"

"Yes?" You asked sweetly.

"I'm going to need your address." He said knowing you knew he needed it.

You gave you your information and booked it out of there. You immediately went home and took a nap. The whole ordeal was a bit draining for you.

It was your phones constant vibrating that woke you out of a deep sleep. You let it ring a few more times before picking it up.

"What?" You groaned into the phone.

"Y/n are ready? I'm like 15 minutes away." Mr. Kent asked.

"Ready for what?"

"Food?"

"Food? Food! Oh shit!" You said jumping up remembering dinner plans. "I'll be ready when you get here." You said quickly hanging up and rushing to get ready. By the time you felt you looked decent enough, he called and told he was there. When you walked out to meet him, you saw his girlfriend was with him and you put on a small smile. 'Of course he has a girlfriend, why wouldn't he. Still a bummer though, oh well.' you thought to yourself as you walked toward them.

"Y/n this is Lois, Lois this is Y/n. Lois is one of the top editors at the Daily Planet." He bragged, and you immediately got nervous. You'd read her work and you'd give to be as good, even better at writing.

"It really is nice to meet you, Clark speaks very highly of you and your writing." she said smiling.

"Really? I mean writing is my passion, I'm aspiring to get at least in the door. I'm not an editor or professor, but I think I'm okay." You said realizing you were babbling on because of your anxiety.

"Be confident in your work. It shows when you really mean what you're writing about. It also shows when you're doubting yourself." She said smiling at you. You immediately liked her and hoped to get to know her for advice sometime. You all got in and they fell into easy chatter along the way. Every now and again they'd touch on a topic you'd find interesting or be excited about, and you'd really get into it, smiling and being expressive. You'd catch Clark staring at you, a bit shocked at how much you had to say after months of being so quiet, and you'd retreat like a turtle back into your shell. You tried to not enjoy being around them, but every now and again, you liked talking to people on your level. Every now and again, you'd get lost in the breeze of the night air. You'd look out and get lost looking at the stars and the moon out of the open window of the moving car. You get so lost you forgot the other two people in the car and you'd miss the glances Clark took at you through the rearview mirror. When you all arrived at his moms farm you practically gawked at all the land around. You driven by open field and corn fields, you'd never actually gotten to see it up close.

As you all got out, his mom stepped out and waved at you.

"Well, looks like we got extra family tonight." she said smiling. You immediately felt a bit awkward. "Oh dear don't be shy, any friend of Clark is family." She said pulling you into a big hug.

"Thank you for having me Mrs. Kent." You said smiling.

"No go on now you just call me Martha." she said smiling and leading you inside. "You two come along, you know the routine." She said waving Lois and Clark inside. Dinner was great, you even found yourself laughing out loud. It exhilarated you and scared you to have such a good time around other people. You almost, ALMOST, didn't want the night to end, but you missed your bed. As if reading your mind, Clark announced it was time to leave.

"Looks like someone is ready for bed." He chuckled.

"Yep, I miss my solitude." You said stretching. Clark shook his head at you.

"What?" You asked innocently.

You said your final farewells and got in the car heading home. The ride home was peaceful, there was a calm silence between you three and you smiled watching the love exchanges between the two. You could see how much he loved her and you could understand why, Lois was beautiful woman. Your mind jumped from reasons you weren't in a relationship, to the assignment Clark had given you for the weekend. One thing you like about yourself? That topic was always hard for you and you couldn't even begin to find the words to start. Over the years you'd tried hard to accept yourself, love yourself, and be who you were unapologetically, but the moment you got to the threshold of truly giving yourself a chance, all of the criticism, judgment, and years of being invalidated filled you with fear and dread and you'd go back to your shell and do what you did best. Stay in your own bubble. Tears stung your eyes as you tried to stomp down the voices of doubt and resentment, 'It's okay, I'm good, I do what I have to and I'm happy with it. I'm at peace.' you thought to yourself over and over.

"You okay?" Clarks deep voice full of concerned pulled you from your thoughts and you shook you head to bring yourself back to reality.

"Yeah, just trying to stay awake." you said avoiding his gaze. The ride continued in silence and you couldn't help but drift off. One moment you were letting the ride soothe you to sleep and the next you heard a voice cooing you to sleep.

"Shh shh shh it's okay" Clark whispered. You couldn't help but cover your eyes. You were in Clark's arms as he carried you to the apartment.

"Woah," you said trying to get out of his arms. He gently placed you on your feet like a flower.

"Hey, its okay, calm down." He said gently rubbing your arms.

"S-sorry, I've just never-"

"Had anyone carry you before." He said finishing your sentence. You shifted feeling a bit awkward.

"Well, thanks for dinner. Thanks Lois!" You waved at her before going to your door. "Goodnight." you said one last time as you got inside. During the weekend you were extremely restless and was finding it hard to concentrate long enough to work on your assignment. Even when you sat waiting for words to form in your mind you eventually got busy doing something different. The night before class, you had an idea pop in your head, and you decided to go for it. You just hoped it would all make sense, it was the only think your mind focused on.

[jin0]

hi jin!!! how r u? can you give a Andrew Garfield character if not just give Andrew Garfield himself, the whole package 😏

I have black hair and brown eyes, I'm a virgo sun and a leo moon, Asian, Chinese to be exact, 5'0, ENTJ

I love Taylor Swift I absolutely adore her<3 I also am obsessed with borderline perfection, and if I can't get what I want I can always chase after it(omg I sound like a bitch...) I love to shop, not online shopping,gardening, studying.

I consider myself as someone who is quiet at first but as soon as they get to know me, I'm a chatterbox. My friends described me as a natural leader, passionate and that I'm the person that can make them smile when feeling sad. Inside I'm just a ball of anxiety really. I'm studying to be a future prosecutor if not, a criminologist.

Don't rush this pls! rmb to stay hydrated <3

hi sweetie !! i drank water right after reading this so yeah, hydration is important !!

like you asked :

andrew garfield !!

andrew wasn't the quietest guy ever, he could talk for hours if the subject interested him. he was considered and considered himself a chatter box, a blabber mouth, a talkative person, whatever you wanted. he was easily pulled into a topic and would easily invest himself in discussing whatever it was about if he didn't know of confronting point of view for things he did know.

point being, andrew liked to talk. he loved talking and sometimes would worry that he would never find anyone who would like to debate and talk as much as he did. until you.

because with you, his chatterbox tendencies were outmatched. you talked as much as him, if not more and he was always baffled by the things you said but also by the amount of things you knew.

because this petite woman that he had fallen head over heels for was one of the smartest person he'd ever met.

as he watched you discuss your studies and classes to become a prosecutor, he understood how fucking lucky he was in life. to have someone both talkative and intelligent. he'd always dreamt of being able to find someone who'd teach him more on some of the things in life and that someone was you.

he watched you, falling in live all over again as you threw your hands around to gesture to some of the points you'd made earlier and couldn't help the high pitched giggle that escaped his mouth when you exclaimed at the memory of another event that you felt needed to be mentioned.

"oh ! other thing that could be interesting to mention is that german law is one of the most difficultly built laws in europe ! one of my professors mentioned how back in the days, around like 1804, france was trying to make their own civil code and they wanted to take inspo from other countries yeah ? well they couldn't from germany because they just wrote a big book with all the possibilities ever at the time ! it was so bug that even the germans didn't want to use it !" you explained, looking around and smiling wide.

"and you know that how ?" asked the young man, raising an eyebrow at your new fact.

"i told you ! my professor mentioned it and i decided to make more researches on european laws and their construction ! the uk has the easiest for some because they kinda just use the solutions used in the past ! honestly i understand, making laws is hard !"

"i bet." chuckled your boyfriend. "I'm proud of you for pursuing this career. you look like you're enjoying yourself."

"i am ! everything is both very confusing and very logical in a way ? it's like baking a cake, you don't think you're doing it right until it's out of the oven !" you giggled, doing a little dance at the memory of how confused you were during the first weeks of your studies.

reaching out towards you, you were lifted off your seat and watched curiously as the man you loved sat you on his lap. you sat still, looking straight into his eyes lovingly. you knew how he got when you'd start talking like that.

andrew felt lucky to have you ? well you felt lucky to have him too. you relationships did not end well when it came to the contrast between the quiet girl you were at first and the chatterbox you revealed. most refused to understand that it meant you were comfortable around them. all that mattered was that you talked too much in their eyes.

for andrew, you never talked too much. he'd never cease to crave the sound of your voice. you were surprised to find out he kept recordings of you to use sometimes when he was away on a set. that was when you knew this man was it for you, the only one to not only hear, but listen and care. that was what you deserved, actual conversations and not some nods and grunts.

you felt his hand slide around your back and reach up to your nape, bringing your face down for a kiss. what he loved more that listening to you talk was making you all quiet when he'd kiss you after. exactly like he was doing now.

feeling your breath get stuck in your lungs, you didn't care about suffocating when his lips let yours, erasing all thoughts from your head. he'd kiss you as if it was his only purpose after listening to your gorgeous voice blabber about the wonderful things you learned. this was your reward and you'd never have it any other way

[jamestrmtx]

Wish Upon a Night Sky - [Beastars | Various x Reader]

[Female, Sheep Reader | Slow Burn]

Act Two | Down to Earth

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

"What are you standing there alone for, (Y/N)? Come sit with me!"

While you expect Juno would rather have lunch with people she already knows well, you see her stand up from her seat and approach your side when she spots you nearby. She holds the tray firm in one hand and waves with the other. In response, you smile and grab your own tray tight before following her, all while ignoring the ever-growing feeling of everyone's eyes on you, regardless of almost all the students around being too busy eating, talking, and walking to notice your presence. So far, and -- close to what you expected -- you've only talked with the wolf and the dog; the latter you hadn't even come across with since yesterday afternoon. Truth be told, you want to take up his offer and knock at the door of his dorm, but more than one reason restrains you from doing it.

First, you'd only known him for a day, and even if you really did only need to ask him more about the school, you couldn't gather sufficient courage to do it. Second, you didn't want to risk making your parents worry by telling them the very first thing you'd done was run off to the boys' dorm without a care in the world. Third and most important of all right now, you didn't know how to keep up a normal conversation with Juno without worrying about your word choice every few seconds, so merely thinking of doing the same with Jack made you retreat on the idea without thinking it twice. Having to share a room with someone else and the impending need to form small talk and prevent yourself from seeming rude or awkward was already draining enough -- mentally, most of all. You're aware you're far from prepared to tackle any other, larger issues without having an internal meltdown over them, so it's best to set some limits for the moment being; perhaps eventually, you could handle a bigger crowd, but today's not that day.

Being homeschooled weights more as a con the more hours you spend at this school. Not only do you have a hard time being social and getting adjusted to such a large campus, but you barely have any knowledge of the relationship between carnivores, herbivores, and those in-between. If you didn't wish to be classified as ignorant or naïve, you would soon need to ask either Juno or Jack to tell you where the library is. Starting off with some basic research is about the least you can do to break out of that shell -- once and for all.

"...Earth to lamb?"

You flinch and almost topple the juice box on your tray. 

It takes you a second to process that you've already made it to a table, and a few more to acknowledge Juno's now sitting down --  and with an empty chair waiting across from her, too.

"Sorry," you say, mouth and ears drooping just as much as your courage. Your head spins as you rush to sit down and shrink away in your seat, avoiding eye contact with her by all means possible. Then, you take your drink, open it, and sip some of it, hoping to ease the tension out of you. "I keep... spacing out lately."

Juno smiles and tilts her head to the side, while her ears perk and her gaze lights up. Her eyes are intent on you, and these carry the same brightness as when she talked with you about love. "Someone on your mind?" She looks behind her -- as if expecting to see your source of interest from close by; her smile remains intact as she goes back to looking at you. "Is it Jack?" she asks, winking. "You looked like you were getting along pretty well with him yesterday."

You smile back, though you still end up shaking your head to let her know otherwise. Having a crush on someone so quick and suddenly was unlikely for you, but the reminder of how passionate she seemed about this particular subject yesterday makes you believe she's the type to fall fast and love lavishly. You fork some of the salad on your tray and toy with it for a moment, mind yet to return from its journey as you consider her words and just how different your view on love is when compared to hers. "I was thinking of him, but not like that." You take in some air and brace yourself for any incoming questions. "I was actually wondering if… if you knew where the library is? I know he offered to help, but-"

"So there is something going on with you!" The wolf interrupts you with her excitement and stands up from her seat. Her gaze is now as wide as the smile on her face, and her energy almost rubs off on you. She places her hands on the table, leans in, and suspends herself over it. "Was it love at first sight? Don't skim on the details, (Y/N)!"

You scratch your throat and prepare yourself with a deep breath, at a dire need to tell her the truth. 

"Ah, n- no." You set the fork down and look up to meet with her eyes. The desire to clear things up grows stronger, and you can't ignore it for much longer. "I just want to make friends, but I'm not sure I'll be too successful in that, considering how… who I am."

Juno's excitement falls. Her gaze knits as she sits back down, and a frown replaces her smile, overpowering her previous attitude entirely. "What do you mean?"

You gather wit to be blunt, not wanting to sugarcoat how you feel about yourself and this recent change. "Frankly, I'm…" Your words trail off and you hesitate with a deep breath in, along with one out. "I feel I'm too... ignorant to understand how to get along better with others at this school." Hunger stays absent -- even when you stare down at your plate and breathe in its scent. Your confidence from yesterday proves to be little and outright superficial with how different you feel today, reaching towards a level of self-consciousness you haven't experienced since your early teens. "I only ever went to kindergarten, and the rest of my years were taught at home." You grab the juice box and drink from it in an attempt at finding your appetite again. When you gulp, it feels worse than before. Nausea arrives with how much you dwell over a single topic. "To be honest, It… It surprised me when I noticed I'd be staying in the same dorm as you. Jack heard me say something… rude about it, though I'm not sure if you heard me, too."

"Oh, I heard you," Juno replies, a laugh leaving her mouth. She takes a bite from her food before continuing with, "But I pretended not to." 

"Why would you do that?" you ask, now your turn to frown. "You were so close by when I yelled that…" Your face turns hot the longer you think about that memory. "It was rude of me. A terrible first impression, that's for sure!"

A grin forms on her face, though she doesn't say anything yet. Rather, she takes another bite off her meal, almost emptying the plate in the process. How fast she eats prompts you to start eating from your tray, against wasting any food and risking the chances of feeling hungry by your next class. "Maybe it was, but I wanted to see if you would bring it up someday." She sets the cutlery down and glances behind you, grin growing. "And you did," she adds, words as confident as you wish you could be. "Much earlier than I thought you would." Juno gazes behind you again; her tail wags and her eyes spark with what looks to be mischief. "Look behind you!"

You do as suggested and almost end up falling from your seat when you come face-to-face with Jack, his knees currently bent to match with your sitting height. His snout is nearly close enough to brush with yours, and that same excitement and joy from yesterday remains in his stance. "How's your first day going?" he asks, tail wagging at a similar pace to Juno's, although his smile proves to be more genuine rather than teasing. "It's nice to see you making friends already!" His eyes shift towards the wolf and turn back to you once more. Then, a slip of paper is offered out to you, this one folded neat and compact for you to carry. "Here's my number, in case you ever want to hang out."

"Being bold again, aren't you, Jack?"

His hold on the paper stays even as you take it; a hint of embarrassment shows up on his cheeks when he looks at Juno. Her comment -- slowly, but surely -- dawns on him and leads to him staying frozen in that same spot for a while. "It's not like that!" Jack exclaims, snapping out of it. He finally lets go of it to stand up straight and meet the wolf with a flustered gaze.

Juno, on the other hand, laughs it out with just as much glee as the first time "Sure, it's not," she replies, giggling. Her teasing nature returns in an instant, hardly giving him a chance to recover from the previous blow. "First, you invite her to your place, and then you give her your number, too? I'm the person you can least hide these things from."

That's enough for her to shut his mouth.

Jack's forced to find a distraction by facing you again, with a less confident look now present in his eyes. "Think we could talk later? I'm meeting up with some friends today." He stops for a second; fluster falls from his face as a cheery expression makes its return. "And maybe I can introduce you to some of them, too. I'm sure they'd like to meet someone new!" He takes a final glance at the paper before leaving the table, an act done while avoiding Juno's gaze from all angles. 

"Y- You can still keep that, by the way."

With that last, stuttered sentence, he runs off -- but not before waving goodbye. 

You wave back and watch as he disappears from your sight, leaving you alone with Juno once more, who smiles in response.

"So... Friends, huh?" she jokes, letting out a laugh.

Your tray almost ends up on the floor when she says that, hands shaking to the point where you can't bring much control over them anymore. 

While you're aware she's not being serious and that it's all done in good fun, you can't help dwelling too much on whether you're supposed to be here, and if someone like you would only cause more trouble to the school and all its people.  

"I'll take your word for it, (Y/N)."

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

• • •

Updates will be weekly on Mondays from here on out!

[thesunicarusfellfor]

Small Actions (Create Big Ripples) CC!Plat!Ranboo x GN!Reader

I've been thinking lately about this little drabble and it makes me a bit upset? Like.. I'm in this position high key but theres nothing I can do about it...

(R/R/n) stands for Ranboo's real name. Also if you're really tall.... No you're not. Shhhh. For plot purposes

You stayed away from social media as much as possible. Now, don't get me wrong, you used to love watching Youtubers play their games and happily interact with their fans.. But growing up, you never seemed to have enough money to donate when they streamed, or go to events where they were.

You had always wanted to tell them how much they've helped you through life, or shaped your personality.. Or saved you. But... They get told that every day by over hundreds of people.. So there would be no real sentiment behind it..

You'd probably just get a simple, "Aw. Happy I could help." Before turning back to their game without blinking twice.

So, you just watched silently. It hurt, you know? Wanting to thank them, or send them something to show your appreciation.. But you never seemed to be able to send it, with the thought that 'it won't really matter to them after five minutes.. You'll just be brushed over. It's pointless.'

Eventually it hurt too much to keep watching the content creators that raised you, so you just stopped and went on with your life.

It was hard, but at least you didn't have to deal with the fact that you would never be able to thank the people you watched for making your life that much better.

As time went on, while you still heard about the creators, it was just... less. Now people were non stop blabbering about these people from something called the DreamSMP?

Your sister was obsessed with it to say the least, and you always heard her mumbling about strange people like Technoblade? Or Sapnap? And apparently some people had children with inanimate objects?! Like a Samsung Fridge and a salmon?! Yeah you didn't even bother trying to understand what she was rambling about most of the times. It just spun your head in circles.

"Okay, I gotta take my mutt to the vet," Your sister and closest friend, (S/n), tilted her head towards the backseat to her dog as you sat in the passenger seat. "You think you'll be good to do the shopping for two or so hours? I'll call when I'm finished, and plus I know how you can get distracted with looking at some things."

"Yeah, I think I'll be good." You nodded slightly, going over the list in your hand of things to get for your classes, food and just some clothing for the changing seasons.

(S/n) pulled into the parking lot and looked you over briefly, "You forgot your mask didn't you?" She watched as your hands flew up to your face to feel for the fabric, but you didn't find it so you fished through the pockets of your sweater before smiling nervously at the driver. "Uuugggggggghhhh. Of course. Okay, I got a new one from the merch store that you can use, but do not damage it! I spent a whole $30 on it!"

Scoffing as you rolled your eyes, you snagged the half white and half black mask away from her, "You and your merch. Honestly, (S/n), your obsession scares me. But anyway, thanks. I won't get it damaged, I swear." You pulled the mask onto your face after giving her a smile and walked into the store as she drove off.

Sighing slightly, you walked in, sanitized your hands, and set off on your journey to find the things you needed. Surprisingly, today seemed to be a good day as you miraculously pulled the card that didn't have the busted wheel!

Humming a soft tune to yourself, you paced up and down aisles in search of (S/n)'s favourite coffee. Pausing for a moment as you scanned the shelves, you finally spotted it and made a noise of anger as you realized it was on the very top shelf. "Oh, I hate it here..." You mumbled, a phrase you had picked up from your sister who was really big on trends like that.

Grumbling to yourself, you stood on the tips of your toes, jumped up and down, even climbed the shelves a small bit, but it just seemed to brush by your fingertips every time. Apparently it had been long enough to the point where someone had wandered into the aisle as well.

"Hey... Uh.. Nice mask? You need help?" A male voice asked very hesitantly making your head turn towards him. He was t a l l and literally could tower over you if you got close enough. He had fluffy dirty blonde hair possibly? It looked a little damp so you couldn't really tell. Rain had been in the weather report, but guess it couldn't hold off long enough. Oddly enough, he was wearing dark sunglasses and the exact same mask as you?

'Maybe he's a fan of one of (S/n)'s fandoms?' You stepped back with a sheepish smile and a blush. "Oh! Yes please! Uhm.. Also, could you tell me about what these masks represent? This is my sister's... And I kinda want to make sure I'm not looking like I'm part of some gang or something."

The tall boy reached up for the coffee before pausing midway through and looking at you in surprise. "You don't know who... Oh, it's just from a Twitch Streamer.." He murmured rather softly as he got the coffee down for you.

With a cheerful "Thank you!" You placed the container in the cart. "Oh? Yeah that makes sense. My sister loves that kind of stuff. Are they... A good person?"

"I-I'd like to think so." He nodded quickly. "Are you not.. Like, a fan of content creators? Like.. Uh.. Dream or (P/F/C)?" (Past favourite creator)

"Well... I mean I used to really like (p/f/c) when I was younger. But it kind of... Saddened me, you know?"

He looked at you again and tilted his head a bit, "Saddened you? Did they do something bad?"

"No no! It's just... I try to avoid joining fandoms, even if they make me really happy while in them despite the toxicity. I really enjoy the people who create content, and I like watching them have fun... It's just.." Were you really gonna spill some personal stuff to some stranger who showed you the slightest bit of kindness? Not originally. But he kept watching you, patiently waiting for you to continue the sentence. "They'll... Never know.. How much they saved me."

"Oh.. I see. Yeah.. I've had that happen a lot. When, I watch this guy's streams," He pulled at his mask for a moment, "People always donate money and tell him how much they appreciate him for getting them through rocky times.. It's heartwarming to say the least but he does sound genuinely thankful."

"Oh that's sweet.. What does he do? Or what's he like?" You asked with a smile, although he couldn't see it, as you crouched down to get something from the sheleves. "Unless you have places to be of course!"

He looked a little surprised at first, "Ah... I got time. It's just.. Kinda nice being able to talk to people again after quarantine..." He trailed off briefly before taking something off the shelf as well and putting it in his basket, "Uh.. The streamer is a popular minecraft player. He recently hit a record during a stream and everyone lost their minds. He's a little painfully awkward at some points but he enjoys playing the games and interacting with his chat."

"Oh he sounds nice! I would definitely want to friends with someone like him!" You chuckled softly before frowning and glancing away. "Oh.. Popular.. So I'd be another comment in the flood of a chat.. Damn. I got a little excited. Oh! My bad, I'm (Y/n). Nice to meet you!" You laughed softly in an attempt to brush off the sad atmosphere you made.

"(R/r/n). But everyone just calls me Ranboo. Nice to meet you too." He sounded as if he was smiling but there was a soft sadness in his tone. "Do you not like popular streamers then?"

"No, it's just... that I had always wanted to tell them how much they've helped me through life, or shaped my personality.. Or saved me.. But... They get told that every day by over hundreds of people.. So there would be no real sentiment behind it.. I suppose it just left me feeling a bit hopeless and like a broken record of every other fan of theirs. So, I just watched silently. It hurt, you know? Wanting to thank them, or send them something to show appreciation.. But I never seemed to be able to send it, with the thought that 'it won't really matter to them after five minutes.. You'll just be brushed over. It's pointless.'.."

Ranboo seemed slightly more upset and he shifted his basket into his other hand, "I don't think it's like that at all.. I believe that streamers and creators truly cherish anyone who even interacts with their videos, and even though they know there's some people in the world who can't say anything or buy their merchandise, the creators still know that they're there. They appreciate everyone who comes along their path, whether they support them by giving them money, criticism or their attention!"

You blinked at how... Passionate your new friend was about this topic before smiling softly. "I guess... It never passed my mind.. Thank you Ranboo.. Hey, you wanna be friends and get to know each other more?"

His expression was unreadable due to the fabric covering his mouth and nose, and the glasses covering his eyes. "Oh! Sure!" He sounded quite happy, so you were guessing that you weren't being too awkward. "Here's my number, as long as you promise to never give it to anyone. Even if someone wants to get to know me, okay?"

You took out your phone and looked at him with a strange expression, but quickly nodded. 'Maybe he is just really strict about his privacy.' Once he gave you the number, you sent a quick text to him to give him your contact in return. "Great! It was wonderful meeting you, I hope we can hang out more often! After.. covid of course."

Eagerly nodding, Ranboo finished writing your contact into his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. "Oh yeah definitely! I'll see you soon, (Y/n)!"

Parting your separate ways, you looked down at the newly added contact, 🤍Ranboo🖤 (Platonic hearts), with a smile.

Maybe small actions weren't as useless as you thought...

[the-shiftshop]

Hey Diary - Part 4

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3 and SIDE STORY 1 of the Hey Diary Series

The day ended unexpectedly fun. Everyone was so confused why Keith and I had been laughing together, eating together and even sitting side by side in class today as if Keith never had bullied me. Some even tried to confront us, asking if Keith held me hostage. Keith had been dragging me all around with him. He even asked me to play ball with Peter and Tom, who seemed more closer than usual. I would make assumptions that my recent changes are still affecting them, but I already had deleted that log, and these two would, time by time, give hints that they’re nothing more than a friend, so I shrugged it off.

On my way home, I couldn’t get the fun out of my system. I finally felt so free to move. It’s like I can finally do whatever I want and be whatever I want to be.

Then I suddenly remembered what Keith had asked me this morning.

“Make me old enough to be a teacher for a day.”

It got me thinking about what he’s planning to do once more. It’s not that I don’t trust Keith. It’s just that I’m wondering what his goal is. It’s probably just because he wants to experience being old, or being a teacher. He looked so exhilarated when I told him all about the Diary App, so I’m pretty sure he just wants to give it a try.

At home, I didn’t waste anymore time to tinker with the app as I am very tired and I already want to fall asleep. I carefully wrote down on the app, thinking of the desired outcome I am aiming for.

Monday

Hey Diary,

Today was fun. It felt like I was friends with Keith, Peter and Tom ever since the first day we met. We all had fun together and it felt like all my problems are fixed. This morning, I talked to Keith about this Diary App. I have trusted Keith on this, and I do hope he wouldn’t take that for granted. He was super amazed with this app and the ability of it to change reality and he specifically gave me one request.

I wish that would come true, I wish Keith would turn into the person he want him to be just for a day, and that he would be aware of any changes that may occur.

With that properly typed out, I pressed save, then in just a few seconds, I lost consciousness on my bed.

---------

As soon as Felix fainted in his room, Keith was lying on his bed in the frat house, tossing and turning as he feel his body contort in uncomfortable ways. It wasn’t painful. It just felt like his body is growing far more foreign in every seconds that pass by. It’s like his body wanting to grow numb, but he can still feel pain if he try to pinch himself. With his fingers still pinching his cheeks, he noticed hair poking out to them. He proceeded to feel his face with both his hands, realizing that he’s growing a full beard. Finally recognizing what’s going on, he stopped moving around, and he instead just lied on his back and let it all happen.

He moved his hands down to his growing torso, feeling each muscles expand in his touch. He’s growing, that’s for sure, and it’s not just his body. His mind started to fog up a little, making him wince for a bit.

“I should be working on my lessons for tomorrow-” He blurted out unconsciously. He stopped himself midway, realizing what he had just said. That was the first time he said that. And not only that he meant he’ll study for a lesson, he knows he meant that he’s the one teaching them tomorrow.

He finally decided to stand up. His eyes widened when he saw that it had suddenly gone dark. Not only that, but his beddings changed. His shock soon changed into amusement when we quickly see the night change into day then back to night simultaneously, starting off slow, then it sped up. Even the weird feelings all over his body start to feel more prominent. Memories of years of teaching poured out into his brain. Names of all the student he should know popped out in his mind. Charles, that up-to-no-good student but gets straight As in his class; Marie, that campus nerd who kept asking him weird questions; Lawrence, that jock who needs to keep up with his quizzes. Keith already knew some of these students, but he started to see them in a different light. These are the students he teach, not his friends, not his classmates, not his football teammates.

Keith fell back on his knees as he started to feel tiredness.

It was exhausting feeling all of these happen in just a few minutes. It hurts his eyes to see the outside change between night and day as if like flashing images. His vision started to blur and in replace to his clear sight, a thick round glasses appear on his face.

He remember finishing college and finally started his first practice teaching. Now he’s a fully pledged professor. Everyone liked him. He can even remember students confessing their feelings for him, but of course, declining these for his job. He can remember going into classrooms, not to sit with the crowd, but to stand in front of them. He knows how to make a hard topic fun and he knows his students enjoy his class as much as how he loves to teach.

Tiredness was replaced with pleasure as he arched his back, placing both hands on his crotch, then giving a loud satisfying moan. Feeling his cock ballooned through his shorts. He slowly humped against his hands as he put more pressure on them.

He remember tons of hook ups from college up to recent. Remembering women bouncing on him, kissing him passionately, touching him with deep romantic and sexual connection. These thoughts of women is making him hard. His colleagues had been asking him why he haven’t been properly dating anyone yet, or even planning to marry anyone since he’s already nearing age of marriage, but he just enjoys having flings with a lot of people more than sticking to one, at least, for now. He knows when he will find that right person, and that person has not come yet.

He realized that both of his hands are already in his underpants, pawing that hard cock with one hand, while the other is teasing his tip. He finally had let both of his hands stroke his large shaft. He pulled his cock out of his shorts, then finally gave into pleasure.

“A-Ah! Yeah! Damn!” He cussed in his new deeper voice. Not only that he noticed his voice, he realized that his cursing got more softer, less of that slurs, but more of that expression used to show immense satisfaction. “Aww.. This feels so...”

He cut himself as he finally real his climax, cumming all of what seemed like a 14 year stock of cum all over the floor. The cum stain on the floor disappeared soon enough and his room straightened up more. Finally the quick changing of time came to a full stop.

It was morning and it’s time to take a shower and go to school.

---------

Wish was completed. Please take a picture and attach to the log to confirm change and to keep the new reality.

I stared at the pop-up message in my phone. Peter and Tom are laughing beside me while they eat their lunch. I haven’t seen Keith since morning. I’m kinda worried if I messed up with something. The suspense is killing me and I don’t like this. Tom waved a hand in front of me.

“Dude. You’re been staring in your phone since the time you got here. You fine?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just wondering where Keith has gone to.” I said.

“Keith? Who’s Keith?” Tom asked, before giving me a shocked face. “You don’t mean Professor Keith, right?” He chuckled, “Didn’t know he’s your type.” He joked.

I gave him a confused look, then realizing what he meant, I quickly tried to reply back. “N-No! It’s not like that-”

“Tom, don’t tease him. Let him like whoever he likes.” Peter laughed.

“I mean, I should’ve been saying the same. But then, who wouldn’t fall head over heels for Professor Keith? He’s damn ripped. Unlike the other professors here who focus on growing their stomach and ego, more than growing their muscles.” Tom continued eating his food.

Keith’s a professor now, huh? I guess it worked.

After lunch, we proceeded to class. More than usual, everyone had been talking about Keith. I was sitting on my chair, still staring in my phone as it display the same message. I haven’t used this phone on anything else yet.

My attention switched to Alex who walked in front of me. I haven’t seen Alex in 2 days. He looks like he wants to ask me something. I looked at him and he opened his mouth. “Hey, Felix, uhm... Can we talk-”

“Okay, class back to your seats.”

A deep voice came booming through the room. Everyone sat back to their chairs, including Alex who looks disappointed.

I looked at the man by the whiteboard. He was wearing a denim dress shirt and a black jeans. His round glasses flare with the florescent light in the room. Everyone in the room is staring at him. Most girls are looking at him with hearts in their eyes.

The man dropped his things on the table, then started roaming his eyes around the room. “Before we start our lesson. Felix, a word.” He called onto me. I looked around to see everyone looking to my direction, most of them in shock. “Come now.” He said, walking out the room.

I hurried out to follow him somewhere. He didn’t bother looking back, and I just rushed to follow him. He finally stopped where there are barely no students around. He sat down by the window and stared at me. I just stared at him back, looking from his head to toe. He scuffed and gave me a short chuckle.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” He grinned.

“I- Uhm. Sorry, prof. I don’t swing-”

“Nah! I’m messing with you, man!” He laughed. “It’s me! Keith! Well, it’s Professor Keith for you now.”

My eyes widened. This man is Keith. It worked. I mean why am I so surprised right now? I’m the one who knows about this Diary App.

“I’m enjoying this knowledge so much! I know about A LOT of stuff I never knew before. So this is how it feels to be a professor.” He flexed, touched his muscles, and basically showed off. He pulled out an apple and tossed it around. “A students gave this to me today. I never received any offer from anyone.”

“You like it?” I asked him.

“I like it? I LOVE IT! Though, I might not stay like this forever, at least I don’t want to.” He replied.

I raised my eyebrows. “Why?” I asked him.

“Well... For now I want to enjoy being this kind of adult.” He answered.

He stopped for a while, running his fingers against his chin. He then took a bite from the apple he was holding, chewing it thoroughly, then swallowing.

“The reason why I’m asking your help is... I want to experience being different people for the whole week.”

[sixmapleleafs]

in your arms // frederik andersen

Warning: smut, relatively soft but some graphic description and language, innocence kink (kind of), brief mentions of anxiety and a bad day

Tears threatened to spill as you headed out towards your parked car, today had probably been the worst day you’d had since you started teaching. For some reason the kids were bouncing off the walls all day, unable to stay focused on any of the tasks you had set and whenever you tried to get their attention they purposefully ignored you, which led to you raising your voice properly for the first time and having to give a few of the kids a variety of different punishments for their rude behaviour. Usually, you wouldn’t be so harsh, you often allowed them to talk whilst working or freely share their ideas and opinions with the class but the things you were trying to teach were very important and if they didn’t give it their full attention then they would really struggle with the upcoming topics. ‘At least it’s Friday’ you thought to yourself as you unlocked your car and got in, that meant you had two days where you could sleep in and relax, and also that Freddie would be back in the city before you woke up tomorrow morning. Your phone buzzed in your coat pocket as you started the car, a message from Fred lighting up the screen.

How’s your day going? I miss you

The first few tears escaped as you read his message over and over again a few times, you hadn’t allowed yourself to think about how much you missed him, honestly it scared you a little how fast you were falling for him, but knowing he missed you made you believe he might be feeling the same way. You knew things had moved fast between the two of you in terms of how quickly you had opened up to each other - though you had yet to be intimate in a physical way - you assumed it was because you were honest with him before you started dating, you had already told him about your anxiety and your previous relationship and the toll it had taken on you mentally and he had been nothing but supportive as a friend, so it shouldn’t have surprised you that when he became more than a friend he let you set the pace of things.

Not great :( can’t wait to see you tomorrow

Shutting off your phone, you threw it into your bag and started driving back to your apartment. As soon as you got there you headed straight to the couch, flopping down rather dramatically and letting out a sigh of relief knowing you could stay there all night if you wanted to. After a few minutes you pulled yourself up deciding to place an order for food from your new favourite restaurant, one Fred had taken you to a few weeks ago, the food was a little on the expensive side but you wanted to treat yourself. Once the order was placed you had a shower before getting changed into something more comfortable and putting on your Spotify playlist as you sorted through all the pieces of work you had taken home to grade over the weekend, then you cleaned up a few things in your apartment so you wouldn’t have to keep looking at the mess. Your food arrived very promptly and you settled on the couch with your plate, putting on an episode of the big bang theory to enjoy whilst you ate.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed when there was knock on your door, dragging your attention away from the episode you were currently halfway through. Your brows furrowed in confusion, who would be knocking on your door this late in the evening? Peeking through the peep hole you saw a delivery man so you quickly unlocked the door and pulled your cardigan tighter around yourself as you greeted him.

“Miss Y/l/n?” He questioned politely, and you nodded in response. He smiled and turned to his side picking up a rather large bouquet of flowers, you let out a small gasp as you realised they must be for you. “Where would you like them miss?” He asked and you stepped aside to let him in.

“Just on the counter please” you couldn’t help but smile as you knew exactly who had sent them to you, “thank you”.

“No problem, have a nice evening” he smiled and headed back out if your apartment as you returned the sentiment. The flowers were absolutely beautiful, the different shades of pink complimented each other and you admired how the colours fit perfectly with the subtle hints if dusty pink you had around your apartment - something Fred had undoubtedly picked up on. A little white card was nestled in between the roses and you picked it up carefully to read the small black font.

I hope these make your day a little better :) - F

You smiled at the simple but thoughtful message, such a sweet gesture that you definitely weren’t used to. Grabbing your phone you quickly found Fred’s contact and hit the call button, the game wasn’t supposed to start for a few more hours due to the time difference so you hoped he would be free to chat. Just as you hoped he picked up on the second ring, his soft voice greeting you through the phone.

“Thank you for the flowers, you really didn’t need to do that” you didn’t like him spending money on you but you appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

“Its no problem my love” your heart fluttered at the sweet name he had never used before, “I wanted to cheer you up a little, even if I couldn’t be there tonight”.

“Well they definitely made me smile, they’re so beautiful” you gently ran your fingers over the delicate flowers, “they’re my favourite you know - roses” you felt the need to let him know for some reason but his small chuckle told you he already knew that.

“Yeah, I remember you said your grandmother grows them so I thought they probably would be” your cheeks ached from how much you were smiling and you knew you were definitely screwed, you were too far gone for this man. “Do you want to talk about your day?” His voice interrupted your racing mind and you could tell what was going through his head - trying not pry too much in case you didn’t want to talk but also concerned enough to ask. It wasn’t often that you showed him you were struggling, you had gotten very good at hiding your feelings but when you did let him in he tried his hardest to prove he was there to listen, not judge. So you told him about your day, all the things that had gone wrong and how you felt like you were failing even though you knew maybe you were being a little dramatic. He listened through all of your anxious rambling, his steady breathing helping to keep you calm before he jumped in with his advice.

“Whenever I have a bad game you always tell me that the next ones a fresh start, a clean slate and I think the same applies here baby. When you go back in on Monday things will be different, you’ll have another chance and everyday after that will be a new day. These kids are usually well-behaved right? Today they were just full of energy and couldn’t focus, just like Monday will be a different for you, it’ll be different for them and you’ll be able to get through to them”.

The two of you talked for a while until you let out a rather big yawn and Fred chuckled telling you to head to bed and that he’d see you tomorrow. Your next request fell from your lips before you could stop them.

“Can you stay here tonight?” You bit your nails nervously as you waited for his response.

“Are you sure?” His voice deep and intense as he questioned you, you bit your lip at the sound, unconsciously clenching your thighs.

“I just want to see you, please Fred” you begged slightly over the phone and you heard his release of breath over the phone and how he had to clear his throat before telling you he’d be there.

You were already asleep by the time Fred made his way to your apartment. He had told you not to wait up for him since the plane wouldn’t be landing until the early hours of the morning, and you happily welcomed sleep after the stressful day you’d had. He let himself in and due to the late hour he headed straight for your bedroom, the game had been fairly dull, an easy win for the leafs and though he was tired from the trip he was glad you had asked him to spend the night at yours, something fairly new to your relationship but a sign you were putting your trust in him. He knew you’d be asleep so he tried to be as quiet as possible when he removed his suit, though despite his best efforts you still stirred in your sleep, eventually opening your eyes.

“Fred?” You questioned, yawning and rubbing your eyes as you sat up in bed. It was then that he noticed you were wearing one of his t-shirts and he smiled at your sleepy expression, you looked adorable.

“I didn’t mean to wake you, elskede”

“Its ok” you mumbled, another yawn following as you returned his smile. He continued to undress and your cheeks heated as you tried to keep your eyes off of him. “You played really well tonight” you mentioned out of nowhere and his own cheeks turned red at your compliment. He made his way over to the bed, leaning over to place a kiss to your forehead before ducking down and capturing your lips, the kiss was far from innocent but he pulled away before he could get lost in it, knowing he’d have a hard time controlling himself if he didn’t, you were irresistible on a normal day and now that you were wearing his shirt and what he could only assume would be a pair of panties underneath, his desire for you was something else - but he’d never rush you into anything so he pulled away and got comfy under the covers, opening he arms to invite you to cuddle into him.

You peppered a few kisses along his chest and up his neck, as far as you could reach from where you were tucked under his arm. His hand was rubbing up and down your spine, reaching a little lower each time until it ran over your ass, you let out a breath as he turned to face you. He leant over to capture your lips once more, the kiss holding as much passionate and pent up lust as the last. The two of you laid next to each other, exchanging kisses and running your hands over each others bodies until Fred pulled back to press light kisses against your neck. The moan that fell from your lips was so sweet and oh so innocent, and it made his cock pulse with need.

Fred would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about having you laid out beneath him, breathy moans falling from your lips freely as he made love to you. He often imagined the two of you in various scenarios when he lay awake at night in his hotel room, or in the shower after a date, hand wrapped around his cock with thoughts of you on your knees for him, with his hands in your hair and your mouth on his cock, or what it would be like to hear you moan and whimper as he pounded into you. Sometimes he’d wake up in the morning with his cock straining against his boxers, leaking and begging to be touched after a particularly vivid dream of you spread out on his kitchen table screaming his name with his head between your thighs. He knew it was wrong to think of you that way, but he couldn’t help it. You carried a sense of innocence that drew him in and made him want to take it away, he wanted to be the one to show you all the ways a man could make you feel and so when you let his name fall from your lips in a breathy moan - he was hard as a rock without so much as touch to his cock.

You could feel him hot and heavy against your thigh and the thought brought a rush of heat to your cheeks, if it was anyone else you would’ve pulled away but it was Freddie and you don’t think you could ever pull away from his touch. He was the reason for the heat building between your thighs and you couldn’t help yourself as you pulled his body closer to yours. He used his strength to move the two of you until his muscular thigh was between your legs, allowing you to grind your pussy over him, his tight muscles creating the perfect friction and desperate whines fell from your lips as your clit got the pressure it had been begging for.

Freddie immediately noticed your movements and groaned deeply in your ear, shifting his weight slightly so it would be easier for you to grind against him as he reconnected your lips. The new angle allowed his cock to rub against your own thigh and the friction on his sensitive head had him rutting against your body desperately. You were in your own state of euphoria as his tongue continued to fight yours for dominance and your hips moved freely against his toned thigh, your panties undoubtedly soaked through - in fact Fred could feel the damp fabric and just the thought of you dripping wet for him almost sent him over the edge right them and there.

“C’mon baby, cum with me” his voice was deeper than you’d ever heard it and your pussy clenched at his demand. You knew Fred would be dominating in bed, he was dominating in many situations and just because you hadn’t ventured into that part of your relationship didn’t mean you hadn’t spent many nights imagining the things he could do to your body, with his hands, his mouth, his cock. For a split second you thought about trailing your hand down his body and stroking his length but your nerves got the better of you and so you kept your arms wrapped around his neck, gripping onto his shoulders desperately as he continued to kiss you in the way only Fred could.

“Freddie” you whined as his lips found the sweet spot on your neck, the added sensation sending you over the edge. Your orgasm was intense and had you writhing underneath him as his own release followed yours rather quickly. You could feel the deep rumble in his chest as he groaned deeply against your skin. His body fell against yours as both of you came down from your highs, closing your eyes as you tried to catch your breath. A few minutes passed, the only sounds in the room being your heavy breathing before Fred pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek causing you to open your eyes. He was smiling softly at you and you couldn’t fight the smile that spread across your own lips when your eyes met his.

[stellaestra]

how would stray kids interact with mc in high school if they ever met? // high school au headcanons [stray kids/reader]

pairing: skz hyung line + mc [reader]

description: who would mc interact with in high school if they ever met? what kind of interactions would they have? // bulletpoints headcanons + small snippets

genre: platonic, high school au, friendship, humour, hurt/comfort

author’s note: this could be a stand alone or not, the mc is the same bodyguard/intern au!mc...it's just a "what ifs" kinda thing, fellas

p.s. some of the scenarios are based off real life events that happened to me in high school but i overly exaggerated some of them for the shit and giggles,, tell me which event actually happened to me in the askbox lmao I'm curious

pls I'm funny i swear

cw: minor swearing, just teenagers being teenagers, idiots, mention of blood (?) uhh mentions of violence (??)

unedited

// no beta read, we’ll die like men

---

bang chan

mc is a '00 liner,

she doesn't interact with her seniors pt.1

to interact with them; it would have to be a school event or a collab project between the seniors and the juniors

possibly would be approached first by chan during sports day or a school festival for something

he thought that she's a pretty decent track runner when he saw sprint during the sports day track event

after that incident, chan would greet her in the hallways or wherever if he ever comes across her

mc would always awkwardly greet him back

“hey! you’re that really fast track runner, you did great that day!” chan complimented her in the hallways. out loud.

mc prays to whoever above there that chan would stop talking so loud as she could feel her face burn when she felt eyes on her.

cue to her awkwardly smiling at him and nodding, “yep, that’s me, yes, alright, senior chan.”

chan finds her adorable ever since that first few encounters

he also found out that she hangs out with felix just as much as he does

(love rivals (for felix) arc when)

he doesn’t know who to be envious of

that mc gets to spend so much time with lix or

felix being able to spend so much time with her

the never-ending saga

(love rivals (for felix) arc turned into possible rivals to friends arc)

(okay, im joking)

their respective friends group made a running joke

about how chan and mc are love rivals for felix

(it eventually became theirs as well)

(it's funny)

once he made her go off-tangent about felix

she was really passionate about his freckles and smile

for a moment

he really did think that she has a crush on him

no surprises there tho

felix IS absolutely cute

(friends arc?? omg, all for felix, HA)

he really really finds her adorable

he could go on for days

esp her little habit of covering her mouth when she speaks

sweater paws bc he almost always sees her with a jacket on even if it was a hot day

it's like a second skin on her

he once asked her if she ever removes her jacket

“only when im on school ground or during school events like assembly, i’ll take it off, senior chan.”

“eh? don’t you feel warm underneath that during a hot day?”

“...i do remove it sometimes, i guess...but i like wearing it bc it’s comforting.”

one time chan saw her without her jacket and wears short-sleeves uniform, he really wanted to shower her in his affections n also it’s such a rare sight that he almost couldnt recognized her

“haha hey, you didn’t wore your jacket today!”

“they’re in the laundry and...today’s a hot day...unfortunately, haah.”

he once tried to ruffle her hair but found her dodging his hand so fast at breakneck speed

that he was kinda concerned

she told him that her hair hasn't been washed yet so it's dirty

but the thing is: she told him every time he tried to ruffle her hair

“you’re not letting me pat your head on purpose.”

“senior chan, i wouldn’t do such a thing.” he noticed the little teasing smile before it disappeared.

he wondered briefly if she has always been this playful and cheeky with others her age

chan is aware that she speaks formally towards him out of habit though so he lets it slide and let her take her time growing comfortable with him.

he knew she was lying but let's her be anyway

bc she's his cute little junior

---

lee minho

another case of mc's "no seniors juniors interaction"

minho’s very attractive so mc will definitely avoid him at all cost

plus, he looks intimidating to her so bye bye

to not step on any of her classmates' landmines that has the hots for him

drama isn't her thing, she already witness a handful and even got thrown into the fire as fuel before

no thank you she liked having her life in high school as peaceful as possible

mc would make her conversations with him very short n blunt

she's not gonna catch anyone's hands today, my dudes

really, she doesn’t

minho thinks of her like a small kitten that needs to be taken care of

bc of how she always scutters away from chan whenever he’s with him

if they ever interact

it would be when the juniors have the collab with their seniors

like a science fair, where the students have to come up with things to showcase

his class coincidentally collabs with her class for that particular event

he told chan about it and he have never seen chan pout and deflate like that

the only person he does that to is felix...if not, it’s jeongin.

chan sure adores this little junior other than felix huh…

then again, felix and mc does hangout a lot and so does jisung and her

so he took this chance as to know more abt her

coughs because jisung seems to be talking a lot about her coughs

(minho + mc love rivals (for jisung) arc pt. 2 when)

(mc really about to fight 2 seniors because she's stealing their respective juniors huh)

(the never-ending saga of love rivals)

he approached her inside that shared classroom for the collab event

she looked constipated when he approached her group of friends

even more so when he directly asked for name and whatnot

it kinda made him want to tease her even more now

he found out her name and what they were planning to do

heard her cursing under her breath

he decided to join their group on the whim

found out that mc is just a little shy whenever he approached her

her friends are somewhat protective of her

he got glared at by one of them once when he wanted to greet mc in the hallways

and mc kind of hid half of herself behind them

so whenever she’s on her own, he would try to approach her as slowly as possible

like. dealing with a cat and you’re a stranger trying to gain their trust

what he never will forget nor stop teasing her was about

her spinning on her heels to walk into the direction she was previously coming from

just to avoid him

he couldn't help but find it hilarious

he won her over when he brings the topic of cats wandering around their school campus

saw how her eyes lit up brightly

“the stray cats here are fun to play with, right?”

“yeah, me and friends decided to name a few of them too!”

he mentioned it to her because he saw her playing with the cats when she was waiting for someone or when she has time to play with them during recess

and the ramblings of a high schooler about cats commences

he wasn’t bothered about how much she talked

would nod along with what she says

because wow, shes really passionate about cats

that's a huge bonus for minho

and that was how minho adopted another kitten

whenever they weren’t busy with their own things, they would play with the cats together

playdate with cats <3

she would tell him that one particular grey cat was called

“this cat’s name is miss universe! they’re so cute, right?” she picked the cat up and cuddle with it, eyes sparkling with joy

“why did you guys name them that?”

“because why not?”

“fair enough point.”

and she laughs

he was glad that she stopped being so cautious around him if he was being honest

since the way chan was talking about her so affectionately made him really curious about her

casually mentions that jisung talks about her a lot

expected her to be bashful about it

but all she does was

“oh, cool, what did he say? I’m a weeb? Hah, he’s the same as I am” + "he should've said to it my face, senior minho, hmph"

so making her flustered backfired on him

poor minho

here’s your “you tried” star

mwah

so yeah, minho adopted a new cat (his little junior)

---

seo changbin

same case as the two above, unfortunately

if they do ever interact, it's short and pleasantries

mc does kinda find him intimidating to certain extent

she's not good with dealing with intimidating looking people

but when he smiles, her shoulders feel less tense when she interacts with him

thinks of him as a pretty cool senior

he made her listen to his rap once n she told him that he's so cool n that stuck with him for days

imagine a junior telling you that you're so cool with that starry-eyed expression

your ego would go off the rooftop

after that, changbin would make it out of his way to greet her in the hallways

RAP MUSIC BUDDIES???? POTENTIAL

pat her on the head occasionally

if she doesn't dodge like hell away from his hands

“why do you keep avoiding them”

“no, don’t pat me, you’re treating me like a cat”

“I’m not?” lies, ever since minho told him that she reminds him of a cat, he really thought about it more

“you have that same look minho gives me when he tries to pat me…hyung…”

“we’re really going to make you call us oppa one day, watch us”

“um, yeah, no.”

“let your cute senior pat your head!!”

“im gonna run away!”

he knows that the younger ones in their friend group do interact with her

esp felix and jisung

for innie’s circumstances, that’s different

she does comes to him every once in awhile to abuse her title of his cute little junior to get a chance to listen to a teaser of his raps or songs he composes

found out that she does like rap songs! a lot more than he thought

they became those friends who shares new songs they found out and share it with each other

even at ungodly hours like 2am in the morning

that would not stop them

“this song reminds me of you”

“hey hey hey listen to this, psst”

“This shit SLAPS, go listen or else im gonna fight you in the school hallway, coward”

he became smug about it and boast about his knowledge to 3racha

jisung complained that he thought she only listened to anime songs or soft indie songs because he saw her playlists before

changbin told them that she has other playlists that’s for more “intense and aggressive” songs

they were floored and the conversation starts like this,

“what do you mean she likes listening to yours and ours music and raps?”

“im not kidding, she does! she even showed me her playlists that were filled with rap, rock and metal songs!!”

“my little mc? likes those songs? are you sure you’re not dreaming?”

“it’s a public playlist, i even followed her playlists”

“If you’re wrong, hyung, im really gonna fight you on this! bc I KNOW her first”

“doesn’t mean that you know her BETTER”

lots of petty bickerings

chan and jisung has a big revelation about mc that day at school

(there goes mc’s little rep within their group of friends)

he did warned them to not tell her that he told them about it and

that they actually are aware of her music taste

or else

she tried to rap really fast one time, trying to rap like how he does

he had to witness her biting her tongue live

changbin would never think someone like her would have

such a vulgar language

every profanity he knows came out of her mouth

he quickly got her something to soothe her wounded tongue

after fretting over her though, he started teasing her

relentlessly

she threatened to sue him

"I'll sue you"

"with what money?"

"my 2 fucking dollars lunch money!"

"that's not enough to pay anything, not even your attorney!"

"fight me!"

he’s that older brother figure that mc would come to whenever she has no one to tell her woes to

their relationship turned out to have lots of playful banters and teasings

he gives very comforting hugs and pats

mc doesn’t want to admit it tho

well, until, changbin caught her snuggling into his hugs one fine day

“admit it, you like them, you like my hugs”

“okay, fine, i DO like them, they’re great hugs, don’t let it go to your head.”

“I KNEW IT”

“You’re so loud, shut up, hyung!”

“OH MY GOD, YOU FINALLY ADMIT TO IT, IM GONNA TELL THE WORLD-KSDFNKSDNF-”

"FUCK- I SAID, SHUSH"

rip in peace, changbin

he didn’t expect someone like her would have so much strength to smother his mouth with her hand and shut it

the more you know

curiousity killed the cat????

---

hwang hyunjin

avoidance at all cost (pt.2) despite being in the same year

why? exhibit a: he's considered very attractive in her year and that her classmates n batch mates have crushes on him

coughs one of the school princes coughs

their batch year prince

she's really gonna swerve away from him

interactions will be kept at a bare minimum

one time hyunjin n some others wanted to borrow a textbook from their class because they have forgotten theirs n he chose hers

she could feel cold sweat forming as she feels the death stare of some of her classmates

that gta [wasted] sfx whenever ur character dies

yeah that's mc

that was probably the last time she would even think about it

when he returned it back to her, he smiled at her, the really cute eye smile and she felt like she made the target on her back bigger lol

goodbye mc you've lived a good life

your friends will definitely will play never gonna give you up during your funeral (it's a promise)

jokes aside

hyunjin would probably noticed the panicked look in her eyes and wondered why

since his friends like felix and...jisung...and seungmin are like on good terms with her

he probably wondered about it a lot

borderlines on overthinking since both felix and jisung are particularly close to her

so she should know that he’s friends with them

ever since that encounter, it would come across his head whenever he saw her hanging out freely with felix or jisung or both of them

or when he come across her in the hallways

sometimes he wants to greet her but it feels like it would scare her away

esp when she looks ready to run into the opposite direction

if he ever made eye contact with her

so his plan to befriend mc has started

tried to join into the trio hangout; jisung, felix and mc

mc never did protest his presence like at all

but does occasionally look stiff when he's near her

eventually shes comfortable enough with him

but not enough to actually hang out with him alone though

that thought kind of made him feel envious towards the other boys

and a little left out

as a teenager, he has too many emotions to handle so

jisung and felilx caught the idea and told him to let her

take her time because she kinda. shy. (???)

that didn't stop him from mulling over it tho sometimes

one day he found her waiting at the bus stop

it was in the evening, she was still in her school uniform

he was kinda on an errand run too

kinda didn’t want to sit on the same bench as her

afraid that she might run away

she noticed him standing there eventually albeit very anxiously and kinda awkward

a casual greeting slipped past her lips which shocked hyunjin to his very core

he splutters back a reply

“on an errand run, errand boy?"

"huh?"

“uh, um, pretend that i didn’t say anything.”

“right, sure, but may i sit next to you, the bus seemed to be late and my legs are kinda tired.”

“oh, uh, yeah, sure, but you didn’t have to ask, y’know?”

“well, didn’t wanna scare you off…"

“it’s nothing personal, if that’s what you’re worried about,” + “it’s just. didn’t wanna step on a landmine and the girls in our batch seemed to adore you a lot and me being close to you might set off the wrong signal…?”

“that’s absurd, you’re...being unreasonable..i mean, its none of their business-!”

“i know, im sorry, my bad, it’s not your fault either, it’s not anyone’s fault, to be honest.”

for a moment, he found her reasoning to be petty and unreasonable until it finally clicks inside her head, from her point of view when he really thought it through.

“...no wait, im sorry, i think, i kinda get why when i really thought about it.”

“yeah, it’s no biggie, don’t worry, im sorry too, we’ll both get over it”

“...um, we’re friends, right?”

“...i suppose so, if you dont mind, dummy.”

a giddy smile crossed his face while mc struggles to not stare at him looking so cute like that as she coughs into her hand, avoiding eye-contact

pretty boys have too much power in their hands

and she’s one of their fallen victims towards their charms

this isn’t fair for her heart

so when the bus arrived

they sat beside each other on the bus

hyunjin did most of the chattering while mc listens

he was so glad he cleared smth up with her

if she allows it, he would definitely tried to hug her

until he remembers that one time changbin told him he almost got punch in the face by her

when he tried doing it the first time and startled her

yeah no not now

maybe sometime in the near future, a long-awaited hug would be great

(if he was honest tho, he really wanted to cry when she told him the truth)

(it felt like a heartache)

but it’s okay now though

they’re friends now (somewhat) and that’s all that matters

---

[masterlist]

[denkamis]

bnha characters as cheesy valentine’s day tropes.

masterlist. | valentine’s day event masterlist.

warnings: none! some swearing, but a lot of fluff for the best boys

characters: shouto todoroki, denki kaminari, eijirou kirishima, tamaki amajiki

notes: dedicated to @nekomanagers / @meilbox ,, for being the most supportive human being in my life and undoubtedly the reason i have been posting so much of my work here on this blog. thank you for dealing with all of my shenanigans on and offline, and for picking me up when i felt like i couldn’t. <33 i love you.

shouto todoroki

flowers & chocolate as gifts

he’s one for the classics

he buys you the most gorgeous flowers, ones that are most definitely your favourites mixed in with an arrangement of others that all have particular meanings to them

he also got you expensive truffle chocolates, and also some cheaper ones that you really like to snack on

he’s so thoughtful, it makes your heart melt

literally so sincere as he gives it to you too, has a whole ass speech prepared

shouto came home after work a bit later than you had expected him to. perhaps he got caught up with some hero work, a report that needed to absolutely be filed today or a villain that just wouldn’t let up. either way, when you heard the front door to your shared apartment open, you came running over to greet him. as you turned the corner to see the front door, there stood shouto with the most breathtaking bouquet of flowers you had ever seen in your life. it was a myriad of colours and petals of all kinds standing out against the white of his suit. since when did he have time to change after work to surprise you like this? his usual aloof expression was replaced by a soft smile, one that was reserved for you and only you, “happy valentine’s day, my love.”

he strolled over to you, initiating a kiss that was slow and passionate. it made your heart melt right on the spot, your face erupting in nothing but pure warmth. “shouto, these are beautiful,” you told him as you took a moment to admire the different flowers that went into assembling the collection in his hands. “these ones mean gratitude, and this one here means love. truth is the white coloured one,” he pointed out, guiding you through the meaning of each individual one that made up your special gift.

he snuck a glance at you, your face radiant with how much you were smiling at his thoughtful present. “i also bought you a few of your favourites,” shouto gestured to the vanity you two kept by the door. you turned to see a very expensive box of truffles and a few hershey's kisses paired with more of your favourite corner store chocolates.

“it wasn’t too much, was it?” shouto asked quietly, watching as your jaw dropped at the sight of the truffles. didn’t you hear a rumour once about how those ones literally had gold integrated into their wrappers?  “no no, it’s wonderful. this is.. you’re so sweet,” you giggled, tapping his chest as a signal for him to lean down so you could kiss him again. no matter how many times shouto gifted you flowers and chocolate on valentine’s day, you got the same butterflies as you did when he first gave you these heartfelt gifts back in high school.

denki kaminari

fancy dinner date at an expensive restaurant

the entire bakusquad was EGGING HIM ON for something good on valentine’s day okay

he’s been talking big game about some kind of secret plan he had in store for the both of you

he bought you an outfit that not only suited your style, but was elegant and absolutely stunning as it complimented your figure

he pulled out all the stops for you

he wanted to be classy, so he reserved a table for two at one of those rooftop restaurants so you two could dine and enjoy each other’s company

“like grown ups” as denki says

you were sat at a candlelit dinner for two near the edge of one of the most highly rated restaurants in your area. denki had really gone all out, wanting to treat you like the resilient and beautiful partner you were to him with a night that would be unforgettable.

and unforgettable it was.

you two were arguably the loudest ones at the restaurant, laughing and overall just having a good time amongst such high class individuals. denki was making faces at you across the table, making you choke back on the red wine you were having. “and then bakugou slapped that dude! it was crazy, y/n, super fucking wild,” he laughed as you nodded your head in agreement. denki sure knew how to talk, filling in conversations with anecdotes and playful conversation topics sprinkled in with compliments for you. he loved you so damn much, he felt like his electricity quirk was on all the time with you from how much you turned his brain to mush.

he couldn’t get over how gorgeous you looked tonight, with your hair done and your outfit styled to perfection. like, that was all his? and a personality to match? damn! he felt like for once, he was doing something right in his life for you. he wasn’t the dumbass everyone constantly made him out to be. he was trying to be the best for you, and if he could make you happy for the rest of his life, then nothing else mattered to him.

your waiters came back with two platters in hand, with outrageously small portion sizes that could feed maybe a small cat at best. the two of you stared at each other with blank expressions. oh no, this would not be enough to appease your appetites. each of your plates were worth twelve thousand yen, so you really couldn’t get more. on top of that, denki had prepaid everything for tonight anyways. what was worse was that the food tasted like a rat’s ass, yet the two of you dined like kings regardless. well, you pretended to at least. as you were suppressing your disgusted expressions out of kindness to both the waiters and the other guests, denki couldn’t help but stare at you. you were his person, and although the dinner wasn’t exactly all it was cracked up to be, he knew that you dealt with so much more of him than anyone else was willing to. that meant more to him than words could even express.

that, and he immediately bought you apology mcnuggets after you two left. then you two really ate like kings.

eijirou kirishima

long captions to their s/o on instagram

this mfing SAP

he has everything planned, he made like 3 drafts beforehand and even had bakugou proofread it for him

he had all the different pictures he wanted to post too

this is a little unrelated but mans definitely showed up to your house with red roses and a suit

LIKE A GENTLEMAN

your phone buzzed, indicating that  you had received a new notification from instagram. after taking your phone off the table and entering in your passcode, you tapped into the instagram app and saw what had caused the tiny ping.

eijikirishima has tagged you in a post!

the first photo was an oldie, but a goodie. it was of you and eijirou at prom together back when you both graduated from ua. he looked absolutely stunning in the darkened suit he had bought, right beside you in a matching colour scheme. though the picture was in fact a meme in itself, as he posed like that one will smith picture gesturing to you with the goofiest smile. you remembered telling him that he was absolutely banned from wearing crocs that night to the dance. it was a good thing you had saved him from that utter atrocity.

the next picture was a photo of you with the puppy you had adopted together. you had named him bean, to which eijirou had expressed was the manliest name he had ever heard for a tiny pomeranian puppy. you were pressing a kiss to bean’s nose, the angle of the photo showing off your loving nature that he had fallen for.

the last was a picture of you sleeping against him during a long train ride for a mission. it wasn’t the most flattering picture eijirou had of you, but it was certainly one of his favourites. you looked so at peace, cuddling against his side with a tiny line of drool running down your chin. he was smiling in the picture, his eyes solely trained on you with the most wholesome look on his face. he was so utterly in love with you, and this picture couldn’t have showcased that look any more clearly.

the caption read as follows:

Hey bros! It’s Valentine’s Day, which means that it is my duty to post about the most amazing person I’ve ever had the pleasure of dating for about five years now! Y/N, we’ve been through so much together over the years, we’ve had ups and downs and everything else in between but I’ve been fortunate enough to remain standing here as the person you can confide in, much like you are that person to me. You’re my rock. I continue to find so much more to love about you every single day. I hope I get to spend the rest of my days with you, my best friend, my partner throughout everything. I love you so so much, pebble. I hope we get to stay just like this forever, and grow as we go along.

needless to say, many happy tears were shed that day.

tamaki amajiki

love letters in their shoe locker

for all the days leading up to valentine’s, tamaki put a different letter in your locker

mirio hyped him up asf to even get him to write what he was feeling towards you

and he was still nervous as hell and had mirio stand guard so that you didn’t accidentally walk in on him shoving weird notes in your locker

but unfortunately for tamaki, mirio isn’t a very good watchman

and so you caught him in the act, right on valentine’s day ironically

it was the end of a long, rather eventful day at school. you had gotten a few confessions from some other students, to which you turned down due to someone else being on your mind. for the past few days, you had begun collecting small letters in your shoe locker. the notes were short, handwritten with small doodles and even a recipe or two for you to try. it seemed like this person was reaching out to you to express their true feelings, their intimate and romantic feelings, towards you. and you couldn’t help but feel the same towards them, whoever they were. this admirer unveiled small details about themselves to you, yet hadn’t revealed enough for you to piece together a name. so here you were, sprinting down the hallway as soon as the bell went to try and catch a glimpse of this mystery individual who had been leaving you such sweet writings for you to cherish.

you rounded the final corner and there you saw him. before that happened however, you first you ran into your classmate and good friend mirio, who let out a tiny “oof” at the sudden contact. you apologized to him in a rush, explaining in a rushed tone that you needed to go meet someone. he nodded and waved to you before realizing that he had one job and tamaki was definitely going to kill him later.

only slightly out of breath, you saw a mess of indigo hair and shaky hands sliding your latest note into your shoe locker. as he turned to leave, his face drained of colour at the sight of you. he slouched further, retreating into himself. he looked around nervously for an excuse as to what the hell he was doing shoving letters into your locker. though, you beat him to speaking first.

“it’s you.”

tamaki’s throat felt scratchy and swollen, his entire form shaking as you slowly, calmly made your way towards him. “i- i can explain, y/n,” tamaki barely murmured, his nerves beginning to get the best of him yet again. “your words, they were so intimate. you were so well spoken on paper, i just had to meet you in person,” you confessed to him with a patient smile on your face. you stood a relatively safe distance away, not wanting to overwhelm him by your presence. you had just caught him in such a compromising act, after all.

“i read all your letters,” you went on, “every night before bed, i read them, tamaki. i even tried out the udon recipe you gave me and it was the best udon i had ever had. everything you said in your letters, the confessions and the other, more personal stuff… is that all true?”

tamaki, though he felt frozen beneath your warm gaze, had the courage to nod his head. “i didn’t know how else to tell you,” he admitted, hands now covering his face in shame. suddenly, gentle fingers grasped at his shaky ones as you uncovered his face to the light that was you. “i like you too,” you said finally. it felt like a chord had snapped inside of tamaki’s mind and all his feelings came crashing down in a deep crescendo of emotions all for you. it was all that he had ever wanted from you: a response.

all works © denkamis 2021.

tags:

@meilbox

want to be on the taglist? see this post!

[lizbotw]

hii can you write hcs on shinso having a gf who’s super nice to everyone and doesnt stand up for herself but stands up for other people

Shinsou With a S/O that Stands Up for Others But Not Themselves

hey! yes, i can ;) also, although you said girlfriend, it’s a bit more gender neutral so i hope that’s fine! hope you enjoy these and let me know what you think ♡

Shinsou Hitoshi

Your caring and helpful personality was one of the major reasons Shinsou fell in love with you in the first place.

The strong sense of justice you always embodied as you put others in front of yourself quickly drew his eye when he spotted you one day after school, standing up for a business course student that was being bullied for being weak by some other U.A. kids.

The way you told off the bullies and made sure they knew that everyone came to this school for different reasons and that’s why they chose the courses they did?

The way you said that above all everyone was trying to improve themselves here and that everyone had different strengths that still mattered no matter what it was?

The way you checked up on the business student to make sure they were alright and helped them off the floor and back to their feet after the bullies had ran away when you threatened to call a teacher?

Shinsou couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.

With his quirk being mistaken so many times as a villainous one, Shinsou was obviously very passionate about becoming a hero and not only did you seem to embody the caring nature a pro needs, but you were also understanding of those who were misunderstood. He felt like you were exactly what he needed in his life.

Shinsou wasn’t exactly the type to get hung up on dating or crushes, but after a few times of spotting you in school and still being unable to turn away, he knew he had to do something about this. That’s why he made it his personal mission to get closer to you.

Originally, he thought it might be nice to have someone else to talk to that seemed to understand him, but that friendship soon grew into more and before either of you knew what was happening, you were dating and the happiest you’d ever been.

However, as Shinsou got closer to you, he began to realize a few things behind your outward persona of “the nice model student who bakes every one cookies and speaks out against bullying.”

When you were just friends, he had brushed the issues off as him overreacting, but now that you were dating and spending so much more time together than before, they were impossible to ignore—it was clear to him that you refused to put yourself first.

Whether it be you apologizing whenever someone did something to you even though it was clearly their fault, you sitting there and not saying anything if anyone was mean to you, or you simply always going out of your way to help your classmates, it all began to concern Shinsou. This passive, timid side of you was a sharp contrast to the fiery personality he had fallen in love with.

The tipping point was when one day a girl accidentally spilled her lunch all over you and started yelling at you for bumping into her. Some of it had spilled on her, but it was only a few drops, compared to you who had gotten most of it all over you. Your uniform was absolutely trashed. You were apologizing profusely to her and promising that you would clean up the mess.

As you turned to go grab some napkins to give to the girl to wipe herself off, Shinsou grabbed your arm and stopped you. You looked at him, confused, until he started dragging you out of the lunch room.

You were struggling against his grasp and saying you needed to finish helping the girl because it was your fault. His heart absolutely broke in two at that. Even when others were rude to you, you were still so nice to them.

“Hitoshi, what the fuck, stop, you’re making a scene.”

“No, you are. Quit yelling,” he replied simply, sighing.

In the hallway, he released his grip on your arm and instead held your hand, not wanting to let go in case you ran off to go back.

“What was that back there?” you asked, eyebrows furrowed as you tried to shake him off. His grip held fast and you eventually gave up, letting your fingers curl comfortably around the familiar bumps and curves of his hand. You two continued to walk through hallway and further away from the scene of the incident, much to your chagrin.

Shinsou pursed his lips, thumb smoothing over the back of your hand in small circles just like he did whenever you were stressed about deadlines or needed to be lulled off to sleep (naps dates were common with you two). “(Y/N)...”

He told you that it wasn’t your fault at all that the other girl hadn’t been paying attention and that you were the one who should be mad at her.

“But Hitoshi, I’m the one who bumped into her-”

He held up his free hand to silence you, frustrated expression taking over his features at the idea of you even feeling the slightest bit of guilt over this. “No, you didn’t. Did you forget I was with you the whole time? I saw what happened.”

When you tried to protest, he just kept going, letting you know that you don’t always have to worry about others and need to put yourself first sometimes. After all, how can you help other people if you’re burnt out from letting yourself get stepped all over all the time?

As an example, he brought up that time you offered to do most of the group work on a project because your group didn’t seem to like the topic. Obviously they enthusiastically agreed, but as a result you ended up pulling all nighters all week to finish it in time and did poorly on the test you had that week as well since you had no time to study.

You went quiet at his words, blinking back tears. You bit your tongue, squeezing his hand tighter.

You started to apologize for not realizing that before, but he interrupted you midway through your sentence, stopping you in the hallway, pausing your long strides during the walk, and cupped your face so you were forced to look at him.

He let you know it was okay and that he wasn’t mad or anything. He was just worried about you.

“I didn’t mean to make you worry, Toshi. I’m so sorry...”

“(Y/N), it’s practically my job to worry about you.” Shinsou cracked a smile at that, hoping to make you feel a little better. “I would be a pretty bad boyfriend if I didn’t, huh?”

You managed to grin through the few tears that had started to slip out of your eyes and quickly wiped them away before they travelled too far down your cheeks. “Yeah, I guess so,” you agreed softly, laughing.

After he made you promise to start putting yourself first a little more, he pressed a soft kiss to your lips and you giggled at that. His heart warmed at you seeming to cheer up, even if it was just a little.

With that, you two walked hand in hand to the teachers’ office where you asked for a new uniform for the day since there was no way you could keep wearing yours right now. Shinsou even waited for you to finish changing into it, not caring if he was late, and walked you back to class, glaring at the girl from lunch when he spotted her in the hallway.

From that day on, Shinsou made sure that he let you know when you were overworking yourself for others too much and when you needed to think about yourself more. He wished he had said something sooner as soon as he realized the problem, but at least now he knew he could take care of you properly and you seemed more than grateful for his help.