#never really outright expresses feeling hurt by her. but also I feel like!!!! he’s the sorta guy!!! WHO WOULDNT EXPRESS THAT! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cressidagrey · 2 months ago

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Such A Mystery - Part 4

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Colette Leclerc (Original Character)

Summary:

Max Verstappen fell in love at the ripe old age of 12 and never looked back.

Colette Leclerc really regrets posting that particular Taylor Swift Lyric to her private Instagram account, because it made George Russell go insane.

The rest of the world has absolutely no idea that the Dutch Lion and Charles Leclerc’s twin sister have been a couple for 15 years and are expecting a baby.

Warnings:

Pregnancy, Mention of multiple miscarriages, Pregnancy complications, George Russell Bashing (he's probably really nice in real life but in this, he's the bad guy, sorry), Jos Verstappen

Author Notes: Huge thanks to @llirawolf for holding my hand through this. Currently thinking this will have like 5-7 parts?

The sheets didn't smell like Max anymore. Colette had changed them over a week ago.

She ran her hand over the empty space next to her, the sheets cool to the touch. Empty. Alone.

Colette wished Max was there. That she could simply turn around and he would be there. But he wasn't.

Bébé took that moment to kick her bladder and she sighed as she pushed herself to sit up.

The sun was lower on the sky an she knew that she must have napped at least a few hours. "Bathroom and then we can see what we'll have for dinner," she suggested to the baby.

She got an answering kick in response that made her snort.

After taking care of her business, she made her way to the kitchen, feeling a rumbling in her stomach.

To her surprise, Colette wasn’t alone in their apartment. "You do know that I am adult, right?" she asked her mother and her oldest brother drily as waddled into the kitchen. Arthur was nowhere to be seen, probably busy with his actual job. "I can be left alone. Chances are I'll just go back to watching reruns of Real Housewives this evening," she said drily.

Neither of them laughed at this. She looked up from opening the fridge to see their...very serious expression. Colette paused, a cold feeling of dread worming its way into her stomach. Something was wrong, she could tell by their expressions. "What?" she asked, closing the refrigerator door.

Was something wrong with Max? With Cha?

She had never outright believed in the whole idea of twin telepathy or anything like that...but Charles and her had this...thing. If something was really wrong with each other...they could feel it.

And she couldn’t feel anything…not like that, not right now.

"Did...did something happen to Max?" Colette asked shakily, almost afraid of the answer. Her mind instantly went to the worst-case scenario. "Is he...okay?"

Her mother and brother traded a glance, which did nothing to calm her nerves. "Max is fine," her mother promised her. "Why don't you sit down, Choupinette?" This also wasn't calming her.

"Enzo?" Colette asked, her voice shaky.

"Nobody is hurt or dying," Lorenzo promised her quickly. "It's...complicated."

Colette nodded, lowering herself into a seat at the kitchen island. Her heart was still racing, palms a bit sweaty.

"Complicated how?" she asked, her voice a bit hoarse.

"I would like to preface this by saying that Arthur didn't...think this through," Lorenzo said with a grimace.

Colette's eyes widened in disbelief. "Arthur...what did he do?" she asked immediately.

"He may have posted that post you made on your stories in his," Lorenzo said carefully.

Colette's jaw dropped open in shock. "He...he WHAT?!" she nearly shrieked, hands gripping the edge of the table.

What? How could her brother do this? How could he...

That ill-thought out post she had made...with a Taylor Swift lyric that she had thought was cute...to her less than 200 followers that all knew about her and Max anyway…

What? How could her brother do this? How could he...

Colette's hands were shaking now as she tried to process what her brother had done. "Are you serious?" she finally managed to whisper.

And now it was out there. For EVERYBODY TO SEE. Everybody. Everybody could see her post about Max. Everybody could see her saying that Max came straight home to her.

They had spent 15 years keeping their relationship a secret. And now...now there they were.

She closed her eyes tightly, trying to calm the panic that was welling up inside of her. "Oh god...oh god," she muttered, her mind racing.

"People are going to see that. Max's fans are going to see that," she whispered, her stomach clenching. "Oh god, they're going to see it and figure things out."

Her mother reached out, placing a calming hand on her arm. "It's okay, Choupinette," she said gently. "It's going to be okay."

Colette shook her head. "No, it's not," she said, her voice shaky. "How could Arthur do this? He knows...he knows that I didn't want anybody to know," she whispered, tears biting in her eyes. She wasn't even sure what to do. She wasn't even sure what to think.

Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions. Fear, worry, frustration...and anger. So much anger at her brother, for not thinking, for not asking first, for not considering the consequences.

"How could he just... do this?" she said again, her voice cracking.

Lorenzo tried to come closer, but she held up a hand to stop him. She didn't want his touch, not right now. "Arthur should have asked me before doing something like this," she said, her voice shaking. "He knows...he knows that Max and I...we keep our relationship private."

"I...I need some space right now," she choked out, pushing her chair back and standing up. She had to get out of here, get some air.

She left the kitchen, leaving her family behind.

She found herself in the living room, collapsing onto the couch, her hands covering her face as tears streamed down her cheeks.

She couldn't believe what her brother had done.

And now...now it was out there. Their secret, Max's secret, their life...everything.

She tried to take a deep breath, tried to calm down, but she couldn't. She was angry, hurt, scared…

Their relationship...it had always been a safe space to Colette.

Somewhere where she could just be herself. With Max, she felt loved and safe and quite frankly, spoiled rotten by his attention. She didn't need to think about what she said, she could just be comfortable. And nobody had an inside look into that relationship that she didn't want to. They had admitted it to people over the years, to friends and colleagues and family members. But to the public they had never been connected beyond Colette being the twin sister of one of Max's biggest rivals.

She had liked her anonymity. Had liked that nobody paid her a second look on the street. That nobody even thought twice about her.

Her role could just be Charles and Arthur's supportive sister. Nothing more, nothing less. Max knew that she loved him, that she supported him in the privacy of their relationship. It wasn't something she needed anybody else to know.

But now it was out there.

Colette buried her head in her hands, letting out a soft sob. It was out there, and it couldn't be taken back. No amount of damage control, no amount of apology was going to take those words back.

She could already see the headlines in her head: “Max Verstappen’s secret girlfriend”

It was so much worse than she had expected. The idea of being exposed like this...it made her want to crawl under a rock and hide for the rest of her life.

Colette didn't want to deal with the media circus, the gossip, the speculation. She didn't want to deal with any of it.

She didn't want her life to be dissected. She didn't want everything to be picked apart.

But that's what was going to happen. The vultures were going to descend, the media was going to hound her, her inbox would be filled with requests for comment and statements.

She was going to be the topic of everyone's conversation, speculation, and judgment.

She wanted to cry, scream, and throw something simultaneously.

She didn't ask for this, she wasn't built for this.

She wanted her anonymity, her simple life, her relationship to be private. That's all she had ever wanted...was that too much to ask for?

But now it was all in jeopardy, because her brother wasn't able to keep his mouth shut. She knew that he hadn't done it to hurt her...he had just been a idiot without a brain. But that didn't make the situation any easier for her.

She closed her eyes tightly, trying to gather her thoughts.

But now it was gone. The secret was out, and there was no turning back. She was going to be under the microscope, every move she made, every word she spoke, every expression on her face would be analyzed and scrutinized.

And there was nothing she could do about it.

Colette leaned back against the couch, feeling the weight of the situation crashing down on her.

She had always known that Max's life would come with a certain amount of spotlight and media attention, but she had never expected to be dragged into it.

She had always been in the shadows, quietly supporting him from behind the scenes, but now she was being thrust into the bright light of the media spotlight. And she couldn't help but cry her eyes out about it.

She let the tears flow, feeling the sobs rack her body. It was too much, all too much. She was exposed, vulnerable, and raw. And she had no idea how to handle it.

"Choupinette," her mother said softly, sitting down besides her.

Colette barely registered her mother's presence, too consumed by her own despair. But she felt her mother's hand on her shoulder, gentle and comforting.

She buried her face in her mother's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.

Her mother just held her, stroking her hair and whispering soothing words of comfort. "It's going to be okay," she promised. "I promise, it's going to be okay."

"Maybe it won't even be so bad," her mother tried to comfort her. "It will blow over. You do love Max and he loves you."

"It was going to get out sometime," Lorenzo said quietly. "It was question of when not if, Colette. It was a miracle that you were able to keep it quiet for so long."

This only made Colette cry harder.

She hadn't wanted anybody to know. She had wanted privacy. She had wanted…

She had wanted it to just be her and Max, living their life together, without any outside interference.

She knew it was foolish to think that it could last forever, but a small part of her had hoped.

Now it was going to be ruined. And it was all because of her stupid brother and his impulsive behavior.

She didn't want the attention. She didn't want the speculation, the questions, the accusations.

All she wanted was Max.

She wanted him, his warmth, his soft reassurances, his quiet love. She wanted him with her and just to curl up in his arms. Where she could forget everything else and just be.

But she couldn't do that. The truth was out there now, and there was no way to erase it.

She was Max Verstappen’s girlfriend, the public knew, and there was nowhere she could hide from it.

And that thought terrified her more than anything else. She didn't know how to handle the public eye, the media interest, the gossip. It was like a massive wave that was about to crush her, and she had no life raft to hold onto.

She leaned closer into her mother, feeling like a child again. The sobs continued to rack her body, and all she could do was hold onto her mother's comforting embrace.

She didn't know what to do, she didn't know how to handle this.

***

This was the last fucking news Max wanted to hear before qualifying. The absolute last.

He loved the Leclercs. He did. He loved Colette’s family like his own. And he loved her brothers like his own.

But this was making him absolutely furious with Arthur.

And he would have liked to destroy his driver’s room in a fit of rage, but he wasn’t going to do that. He was not going to let his emotions get the best of him.

Not when he understood where Arthur was coming from. Even when he hated the way he had gone about it.

Max had half a mind to simply throw the towel. To give up. What did it matter anymore? He had won his 4th World Championship title…Red Bull wasn’t in the running for the constructor’s championship anymore…that was between Ferrari and McLaren… so did it matter?

Wouldn’t he be more useful at Colette’s side?

But he knew that if he asked her…he knew what her answer would be.

She wouldn’t stand for it.

She knew that he wouldn’t forgive himself for this. He wanted to win. It was in his DNA. It wasn’t in him to leave things unfinished.

She would tell him to do it. To finish that race. And then to come straight home to her.

But it was hard, especially when he knew that the media was going to be all over this. The vultures were going to be circling, waiting for any slip up, any moment of weakness.

It wasn't like he cared if his and Colette's relationship became public. He was content with screaming it from every rooftop. He would happily post his beautiful girlfriend on his Instagram daily. He was more than willing to take her to some charity gala and kiss her in the view of every camera that was there...but he knew how important it had always been for Colette.

And now she was exposed, without warning and without even knowing.

Max wanted to find her brother and wring his neck for this. How could he be so careless, so thoughtless?

He knew how important Colette's privacy was to her, how much she valued it. And now it was gone. Just like that.

Colette wanted to keep a low profile. She was more than happy to be the always supportive sister to her brothers, to cheer them on from the sidelines...and she herself was happy to work in her mother's hair salon, and dabble at playing the piano and violin…and content to simply be.

He had always loved that about her…how happy she could be with the most simple of things.

Colette didn’t enjoy the spotlight, she preferred the shadows. And now she had been thrown into the whirlwind of media attention.

He knew that she wasn’t going to handle this well.

And he was seriously considering throwing the towel.

To say fuck it all and go back to Monaco.

His father didn’t want to hear a single thing about it.

Jos had never really approved of Max's relationship with Colette. He thought it made him weak, he thought Max needed to focus on racing, not on some girl… but Max had been stubborn.

Colette was everything to him. Colette’s place in his life was not something they were going to argue about it. It was set in stone.

And so, through the years his father had realised that Colette was there to stay.

And he may even had started to respect her place in Max’s life, realised that her presence calmed him and focused him in a way nothing else did…Realised that Colette was good for Max.

And even for his relationship with his father.

Nowadays…they got along better than they ever had and quite frankly they had Colette to thank for that. She had softened his father with her calm, gentle and yet incredibly stubborn nature, unwilling to take any of his bullshit and willing to call him out on it, constantly.

Still, Max wanted to get to Colette. He wanted to hold her, to reassure her that everything was going to be okay eventually. He wanted to place a hand on her swollen belly and feel bébé rumble underneath her skin…wanted to see that everything was alright with her and their baby.

“You have a job to do,” his father said drily. “Colette isn’t alone. She has her family with her.”

Max didn't answer, just clenched his jaw.

He knew his father was right, he had a job to do, a race to focus on. But the thought of leaving Colette to deal with that by herself…it didn't sit well with him.

“She’s pregnant,” he hissed. “You want me to care about a race while my pregnant girlfriend is an ocean away, distraught, because our relationship just became public knowledge?!” Max asked sharply.

His father scowled.

“She has her brothers and her mother with her,” he repeated sternly. “I’m sure they can calm her down and make sure she’s taken care of in your absence. But the team needs you to focus on the race. Besides…It has been a long time coming…”

He knew he had a job to do. He had a race to focus on, a team that was depending on him to be at the top of his game. It was his job to win, no matter what was going on at home.

“Fine,” he gritted out, turning around to leave the room. “I’ll focus on the damn race.”

He took a deep breath, trying to push all thoughts of Colette out of his mind. He needed to focus. He needed to push aside his emotions and put his game face on.

He was a professional and he had a job to do.

He could deal with driving. He could deal with managing a respectable 5th place on the grid in Qualifying…he couldn’t deal with the press afterwards.

He was surrounded by reporters, camera flashes and microphones. They were all firing question after question at him, shoving the microphones closer and closer to his face.

"Max, is it true that you and Colette Leclerc are in a relationship?"

Max clenched his jaw, trying to keep a neutral expression on his face. He didn’t want to give them any ammunition, anything they could use to try and dig deeper into his personal life. But he knew he couldn’t ignore the question either.

“I don’t see how my relationship status is relevant to the race,” he snapped back. “I’m here to talk about the race, not my personal life.”

They happily ignored that: “What’s Charles’ reaction to your relationship?”

Max clenched his jaw again, the anger starting to boil over. He hated this, the way they felt like they had the right to just poke and prod at his life like it was some kind of spectacle for them to enjoy.

“I’m not discussing my personal life,” he repeated through gritted teeth. “I’m here to talk about the race.”

But the reporters weren’t interested in the race. They were only interested in the juicy gossip of Max Verstappen dating Colette Leclerc.

More microphones were shoved in his face, more questions were asked, each one more invasive than the last.

“How serious is your relationship with Colette?”

“Are you engaged?”

“What did you think about what she posted on Instagram?“

“I think that Colette’s Instagram account is private for a reason,” he said tightly.

The reporters fell silent for a moment, surprised by the harsh tone. Max knew he was skating on thin ice, but he didn’t care. He was angry, frustrated and upset. He wanted nothing more than to find a quiet corner to just brood and worry about Colette in peace.

“I think that George overreacted about something that was posted on a private Instagram profile that has less than 200 followers. ” Max bit out. “There is a difference between posting something for your friends and family to see and complaining about this to the press when George knew it would be put all over the media.”

The reporters were stunned into silence at his outburst.

Max knew he had crossed a line. He knew he shouldn’t be snapping at them like that, but he couldn’t help it. He was so frustrated and upset, and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He knew he had to reel it in before he said something he would regret even more. “I have already lost all respect for George Russell before, but he has crossed a line when he dragged this into the public sphere,” he said flatly.

The reporters' eyes widened, surprised by the ferocity of his words.

Max knew he was being harsh, but he didn’t care. He was furious, enraged. How dare Russell expose their private life like that?

Max took another deep breath, trying to calm himself. But it was hard. The anger was like a living thing inside him, seething and burning. He wanted to storm over to the Mercedes garage and punch Russell in the face, to wipe that smirk off his face for good. But he knew he couldn’t.

So he stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to keep the anger at bay. Trying to ignore the way the reporters were looking at him with greedy, excited eyes.

He knew they wanted him to explode, to lash out. They wanted him to go off the rails and say something even more incriminating. Something they could use to make more headlines. But Max couldn’t give them that. He couldn’t let them get a rise out of him. So he stood there, trying his best to remain calm and collected.

But it was hard. So goddamn hard.

He could feel the tension in his body, feel the anger and frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. He wanted to do something, to take action and make the situation right. But he didn’t know what he could do, how he could make it right.

He didn’t know how he could fix the mess that had been made, how he could turn back time and undo the damage that had been done.

"Do you have any questions about the race tomorrow? Because otherwise I am done," he asked.

The reporters stood there for a moment, frozen in shock. Then, a few of them started to ask questions about the upcoming race, but Max could tell that their hearts weren’t in it. They were too distracted by his outburst, too eager to keep prodding at the sensitive issue of his relationship with Colette.

The reporters looked at each other for a moment, unsure whether to press him further or not. Max could see the wheels turning in their heads, could see them trying to decide whether they would press the issue or let it go.

Eventually, the more sensible reporters began to ask questions about the race, steering the conversation away from the minefield of his personal life.

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jhdyuiee · 7 months ago

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wildflower

❁ pairing: fake bf!jaehyun x fem!reader

❁ tags/warnings: angst, fluff, smut!, fake dating turned real, protected&unprotected sex (reader is on pill), oral (f&m receiving), fingering, breast&nipple play, hickies, spanking, kissing/making out, pet-names (baby, babe, beautiful), different positions, multiple orgasms, arguing, cursing, slight cheating (at the end), nudes, suggestive texting

❁ w.c: 11.9k!

❁ a.n: i’m back with a second release! next release will def be a different member, && possibly also inspired by another song by billie (her new album just too good ㅠㅠ ! ) i love u all, stay safe! jiji out 🤍

“i should put it all behind me, shouldn't i? but i see her in the back of my mind, all the time.”

“i'd never ask who was better, 'cause she couldn't be more different from me. happy and free…”

“did i cross the line? you say no one knows you so well, but every time you touch me, i just wonder how she felt. valentine's day, cryin' in the hotel i know you didn't mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself.”

kim yuna is her name. she was one of my closest friends, knowing her since primary school. i loved her like she was my own flesh and blood. nothing could ever come between us, well that’s what i thought… that was until he came into her–our lives.

jeong jaehyun.

it was a good 5 years that the two of them were together. heck everyone was sure you the pair would get married, have a family, and grow gray and old together. yet, they seemed to fall out of love and let one another go.

i remember that night, the night she came over to me crying on my shoulder. it was just the two of us that night, i held her tight, trying everything in my power to comfort her. i just couldn’t fathom how someone like jaehyun, who once showed her the world could let her go. love was a complicated thing, an inexplicable feeling that could dissipate in the blink of an eye.

so from that day on, it was just us two. “you’ll never leave me right, y/n?” i recalled yuna’s soft voice as we ate breakfast the following day. “of course not,” i replied. it became my mission to be with yuna forever, nothing in this world– universe could tear us apart.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

july. the hot summer days rolled around, and so did he. i think the universe liked to mock me, play tricks or whatever because jeong jaehyun stood before me. in the short span of the months since their breakup he seemed to have changed, his aura seemed different, unrecognizable even.

“i knew i’d find you here,” he spoke. i looked at him with a puzzled expression, “if you came to get back with yuna, she doesn’t want to see you ever again!” a low chuckle emitted from his throat, “funny, i’m actually here for you.”

i was beyond confused, what could he want with little ol’ me? “me? what kind of business do you have with me?!” “if you come with me, i’ll be glad to tell you.”

“if you can’t tell i’m kind of in the middle of work right now,” i said, and i really was. my shift at the cafe was today and i wouldn’t be able to get off until a couple more hours. “then i’ll come back for you. you’re off at 5, right?” I didn’t respond, just signaling him with a nod of my head.

it didn’t take long before he was gone, leaving me so puzzled. why was he showing up now? how did he know i got off at 5? but most importantly, what could he want with me? when yuna and him were together, we weren’t particularly close to the point we could call each other friends, so whatever just happened right now has every right to leave me confused.

he sure is a man true to his word. when i opened the cafe doors, there he was leaning against his car. “get in,” he said. i raised a brow, “are you planning to murder me jeong?” he laughed, “no, why would i?” he walked along to the other side, opening the door for me. i hesitantly got in. once we both were in, he drove to whatever destination he was taking me to. i prayed he really wasn’t going to outright murder me.

the car ride was silent, besides the low music from the radio. r&b, his favorites as yuna used to tell me about. i gazed out the windows, watching the tall buildings and fancy dressed people walk. a couple minutes later we arrived at our destination, an underground parking lot. yep definitely getting murdered.

he opened the door and i stepped out, bracing myself for death. however, instead of that i was met with his hand on my shoulder which caused me to flinch. “relax, i told you i wasn’t going to murder you.” i let out a relieved sigh, “then what are we doing in a sketchy parking lot?” “we’re heading to my apartment,” he said.

“wait, wait, wait! i am not sleeping with you!” he looked at me, laughing a couple moments later “what? no?! i’ll tell you once we’re inside.” he didn’t let me utter another word before he guided me inside an elevator and pressed the button to the last floor.

jeong jaehyun screamed money. the man was rich, his father was the former ceo of a big corporation, to which jaehyun now inherited. it made sense why he lived in such a lavish building and owned such a luxurious car. though behind the facade, the man had his trauma. his mother died in a car accident when he was little, which is why he has no driver as it was his family driver who led his mother to her death. i only know all this information on him because of yuna, when they were together he was all she could talk about nights on end. it was annoying, but people in love are… well crazy in love.

when we finally made it to his floor, we stepped out. i followed behind him as we made it to his front door. he put in his code and let me in. i began taking off my coat and shoes when he spoke. “anything to drink?” he asked. “water is fine,” i replied.

“make yourself at home, the living room is straight ahead. you can wait for me there,” he says. i walked further into his apartment, it was minimalist. the whole space just screamed him, jaehyun. i sat in the –comfortable– black sofa whilst i waited for him. i’d hope this talk wouldn’t take so long. i texted yuna i wouldn’t be back until later today. since their break-up she began living with me.

he walked into the living room with two glasses of water in hand, handing me one. he sat besides me, on my left side. i took a sip of my water, clearing my dry throat. “so? what sort of business do you have to settle with little ol’ me?” i asked.

i turned to face him, his eyes set on me. his expression turned serious, his thoughts unreadable. i suddenly became really nervous, an unsettling feeling in my stomach.

we remained in silence until a beat or two later he finally spoke. his words leaving me all the more speechless that i needed him to repeat what he just said. “what? what did you just say?”

“date me.”

he couldn’t be serious right now. his ex’s best friend? he must have some humorous side to him because what the actual fuck was he saying?

“quite the bullshit jeong,” i slightly raised my voice. i was feeling slightly irritated now because just what in the world is jeong jaehyun thinking?!

he propped his elbow on the side of the sofa, “i’m not joking. date me y/n.”

“how can i-” he interrupted me mid sentence, “i’m kidding well kinda. listen i just need you to pretend you’re my girlfriend.”

pretend to be his girlfriend?! is he in his right mind? “what? why?” i questioned him. no matter how much i tried to make sense of the situation, i just couldn't comprehend it, it was impossible to.

“just one month, that’s all. i just need to prove to my father that i do have someone in my life so he could quit with the whole blind date bs.”

“b-but why choose me?” his intense gaze never faltered, “hmm, i don’t know. i just felt like you were the only woman capable of agreeing to such a thing, and plus you’re the only woman i felt like i was on somewhat good terms with.”

“good terms? may i remind you, you dated and broke my best friend's heart!?” his eyes softened, “look yeah i could’ve guessed you hate me now, but i’m sorry… what happened between me and her was mutual, some things were just never meant to be…”

some things are just never meant to be. i wonder what he means by that. yuna never really gave me the details surrounding their break up, so i suppose all this time i assumed it was because jaehyun had done something. however, the way his face softened at the mention of their relationship made me wonder if they’re was more to the story than yuna had led off.

“of course you don’t have to agree to it if you don’t want to,” he said when he noticed how lost in thought i was. my mind just circulating on him, yuna, and his proposal. would it be a bad idea to accept his offer? i mean i’d just have to put up with him for a month… i even doubt yuna would ever find out.

i brushed off any further thoughts and looked at jaehyun straight in his eyes. my mouth hesitated, was i really making the right choice? “i- i’ll do it. i’ll pose as your girlfriend for one month.” it was strange, after i released those words it felt like something within me ached, regret screaming at me. truly y/n… were you making the right choice…?

i watched as jaehyun’s eyes widened, possibly from not expecting me to accept his proposal. “really? you’ll do it!” his voice sounded a little too excited. i was scared.

“y- yes,” my mouth spoke for itself.

“great! then i’ll sort you out on the details,” jaehyun explained. i followed along as jaehyun explained how this arrangement would go. we’d only meet on days in which we would need to visit his father, we planned out our story on how we’d met and such, and we decided it’d be best to exchange contacts to make things easier.

i stared at my phone, jaehyun, read the screen. i sighed, i really was doing this. “then now that it’s all settled, let me drive you back home,” he announced. in all honesty, i was going to reject his offer, but then i remembered how late in the night it was, and how i don’t feel all too comfortable riding in a taxi this late at night.

so now here i was in his car once more, and it made me realize how many more times in the future i’d be situated in this exact same spot. the car ride was silent, except for the music playing in the background which made up for the utter silence.

when we arrived, i thanked him for the ride. “it was nothing,” he said. i’ll message you when my father tells me to go visit him again.” “mm, sure thing,” i replied, as i reached for the car handle and opened the door. i took one final glance at jaehyun before exiting his vehicle. through the moonlight i could still see his face light up into a smile, accentuating his dimples.

thump.

that was weird, “see you later then,” i swiftly said as i felt like i needed to get out of this car as soon as possible. with a final goodbye i finally made my way to my apartment. i opened it, noticing the television was on in the living room. yuna must’ve stayed up trying to wait until i’d arrived.

“i’m home!” i slightly yelled. i began making my way to the living room where she was. “what took you so long, you said you’d come back as soon as possible,” she said.

“sorry, it seemed more things needed to be discussed.” i felt outright terrible. lie after lie came out of my mouth when yuna questioned why i was out for so long.

i had to keep the meeting with jaehyun a secret until i die. who knows how yuna might’ve react knowing i, her bestest friend, was out with her ex. not to mention how i’d just agreed to become his fake girlfriend.

i sighed, in which yuna noticed. “are you sure everything is alright?” she asked. i embraced her in my arms, resting my chin on her shoulder. “yes, i assure you nothing bad happened.” i let go of her a second later, “now let’s go rest. i’m sure we’ve both had a long day.” she nodded, taking one last glance at me as i stood watching her walking to her bedroom.

“good night, y/n.”

“good night yuna,” i replied back as i turned my body to walk to my bedroom. i wanted nothing more but to soak myself in a warm bath and recount just what the hell my life was or is going to become. i did just that, spending quite a bit of time in the bath before i headed off to bed. i wrapped myself in my bed sheet, the effects of the bath dawning over me. i felt myself relaxing into a deep slumber. no matter how chaotic today was, i felt most at peace here in my bed.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

since that day i have had yet to receive a message from jaehyun. it felt almost as if that day never had happened, like some part of my imagating– a dream, no a nightmare.

ping.

great. the universe indeed must find enjoyment in mocking me. there it was, a message from jaehyun.

jaehyun: my father asked me to come around tomorrow. could you make it?

y/n: sure thing. what time?

jaehyun: around noon sounds fine?

y/n: okay

jaehyun: great! i’ll tell him you’ll be coming with me.

jaehyun: i’ll come pick you up tomorrow.

y/n: alright, see you tomorrow.

i sighed as i read his last message, see you tomorrow. tomorrow’s the big day. the first day of our whole hoax. i wonder if his father would buy into it considering the fact that me and jaehyun have had very little history together. whatever, i’m sure we’d find our way around it.

i got up from my chair, exiting the employee lounge. my break was almost over so i shut down any further thoughts and focused only on the tasks at hand.

hours later, i readied myself to leave the cafe. i realized it would be rather rude of me to not bring something to give his father so i tried to as quickly as possibly to make it to the shopping center before it closed. I strolled along, hopping from store to store. nothing really was catching my eye, in fact i had no idea what to buy! i felt like it’d be quite troublesome to text jaehyun about it, so i opted out of it and just went with whatever was going to capture my attention.

after a few more rounds, i finally found something. these really eccentric and beautiful shot glasses. i prayed that mr.jeong was a drinker because if not then i’d really would want to jump off the face of the earth.

shot glasses in hand, i made my way to pay for them. i gotta say they were quite the price tag, but that didn’t matter. this was all so i could win the favor of jaehyun’s father tomorrow. really, really prayed he drank.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

d-day. i could barely get a wink of sleep last night. nervousness, a bit of excitement, and worry overcame me last night. would we really be able to pull this off? what if his father disapproved of me? gosh, i really am a worrying mess.

as i got ready, i put on my best outfit. it was one that seemed fit to make a good impression. I opted for a natural make-up look and some loose curls. i checked my phone once again, 11:45 a.m. 15 minutes to spare, i rushed to the kitchen. although i felt too nervous to digest anything right now, i couldn’t go on a completely empty stomach. so i toasted myself some bread and poured myself some orange juice. quite the breakfast i gotta say.

as i finished up i heard as my phone began ringing. must be jaehyun, i thought. i rushed to my bedroom where my phone was placed on my nightstand. surely enough i was right, it was jaehyun calling.

i picked up, “hello?” i spoke. “hey, y/n i’m almost at your place. you ready?” he said in my ear. “y-yeah just waiting for you,” i replied. Is it just me or did that sound slightly weird? whatever it already came out of my mouth. y/n you fool.

“oh, okay then i’ll be there in 5.” “mm, i’ll start going down then,” i said and later bid him a goodbye although i’d see his face in a couple minutes. i rushed inside my closet, opting to pick out the most suitable looking purse. with purse and gift in hand i swiftly exited my apartment.

i stood up straight, trying to give myself boosting affirmations, and eliminating any worrisome or negative thoughts from my head. as i headed outside my apartment complex, there he was. he must’ve barely arrived as he was just getting out his car, until he spotted me. he waved me down.

i walked a little faster, stopping when we stood measly inches apart. “well, you look beautiful,” he says. i tried my hardest not thinking anything of his little compliment. “thanks… i suppose,” i responded earning me a slight chuckle from jaehyun. “ready to go?” jaehyun asks, and before i could respond he guides me to the passenger side of his car.

he opened the door for me in which i then sat down in the passenger seat. he then closes the door, walking over to the drivers side.

i expected for the car ride to be silent, but i then got the urge to bombard jaehyun with questions. “what kind of person is your father?” i asked first. i looked over at him noticing how he seemed to be deep in thought. “hmm, i suppose he isn’t some ruthless man you should worry about. trust me y/n he’ll like you, he is rather… weak.”

weak? mr.jeong? the man who built an empire. it seemed hard to believe, so i'll just have to see it with my own two eyes once we meet. the ride continued with me asking more questions in which jaehyun delightedly answered back to.

time seemed to have flowed quickly as we now made our way inside the gate surrounding the jeong residence. my nervousness was starting to kick in again. i began taking deep breaths, in and out, in and out, in and- “ready?” jaehyun spoke, startling me. i glanced up to where he now was, waiting for me to exit the car. it was all going too quick!

i waited for jaehyun, but when he took a little too long i looked at him. he looked pensive like he was in some very serious thinking. “something wrong?” i asked. he looked at me, eye-to-eye. “is it okay with you if we hold hands… you know to make it seem like we really are a couple.”

ah, right we’re supposed to pose as a couple right now. he had a point so i took his hand. i felt as he tensed up before seemingly relaxing down a bit after. “here we go,” he says as he rang the doorbell. i inhaled one last time, bracing myself for what's to come.

the door swung open a minute later, where we were both greeted by an older, yet young looking lady. “jaehyun!” she exclaimed. “Hello, ms.kim!” he replied back. they briefly hugged before he turned to me, “y/n this is ms.kim. she works for my father and was my nanny back when i was a child,” he explained. “ah, and ms.kim this is y/n my girlfriend,” jaehyun said as he turned back to speak to ms.kim.

“y/n! darling, wow you’re gorgeous! jaehyun sure hit the jackpot with you,” she teased, smiling brightly. i had to admit, i quite embarrassed. “no, no, no i’m sure i’m the lucky one here,” i smiled before continuing, “it’s a pleasure to meet you ms.kim!” instead of reaching out for my hand, she warmly embraced me in her arms. when we parted she spoke again, “ah, come in, come in!”

we walked inside the big home, my eyes soaking in every detail. “where’s my father?” jaehyun asked. “hmm, that old man? he’s probably in his office, i’ll go get him,” she says, but before departing she tells us– well i, “make yourself at home.”

when we were finally alone, i exhaled again. “she’s sweet, i like her,” i whispered, fearing they could hear me from where they were. “i’m glad she seems to like you already, she’s not quite the most accepting person.”

“by the way, i’ve been meaning to ask. what’s in that bag?” jaehyun asked me as he looked down to the gift bag i held in my hand. “ah, a gift for your father.” “a gift? you didn’t have to go out of your way to do all that,” he said. “i know, but i would’ve felt rather rude if i didn’t get him anything. speaking of which please tell me he drinks,” i said.

“i quite very much enjoy drinking,” a voice spoke. my head whipped back, my eyes coming in contact with a man who quite just looked like jaehyun but in an older version. they looked like copies of one another.

“ah, it’s nice to meet you mr.jeong, my name is y/l/n,” i said as i bowed. my hands clenched around the gift bag just a bit tighter. “oh dear, no need to do all that y/n!” he said. i raised myself, gathering the courage to walk towards the man.

“then i hope you can accept my gift… though it’s nothing too grand, i hope you could still enjoy it sir,” i spoke nervously as i handed him the gift bag. he took it, giving me smile just like jaehyun’s. “oh gosh, you didn’t have to. jaehyun! why didn’t you stop her,” he said, giving his son a stern look.

jaehyun just gives him a shrug of his shoulders. “thank you very much anyway dear. i’ll be sure to open it later, for now let’s have some lunch.” as we headed to the dinning table, i felt jaehyun’s hand in the lower part of my back. he leans down, “good job” he whispered into my ear. his hot voice, practically causing me to almost melt away. i glanced up at him, his eyes catching mine and that’s when he smiled fondly at me, in which i later returned as well.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

lunch was more than great. the food was quite possibly the most delicious food i’ve had in a while. mr.jeong throughout the whole lunch would just go on and on talking about jaehyun’s life, his business, and other random subjects.

“jaehyun, be a dear and go with ms.kim to pick up the desserts,” his father spoke. oh, oh. this could translate to: leave, i wanna talk to y/n alone. fuck, fuck, fuck. i was getting even more nervous than i originally was.

jaehyun sighed, “alright,” he said. he got up, walking over to where i sat across from him and leaned down, “you’ll do great. i’ll try and be quick” he whispered into my ear. what i didn’t expect was after he said that he pecked my cheek. i just lowly said, “okay.”

“don’t be too harsh on her dad,” jaehyun said before leaving. jaehyun was gone before his father could say anything back, it was just the two of us for god knows how long. i’d had hoped it wouldn’t go past 15 minutes.

“don’t be too nervous, i’m not here to tear you apart,” his father spoke when he noticed how tensed up i’d gotten. i tried relaxing a bit, reassuring myself in my head that it’d be alright.

“i do gotta admit, when jaehyun first told me about you i was shocked. my son who would rather die than date a woman, telling me he has a girlfriend almost made me believe if i had made it to heaven,” he said, seemingly joking. i giggled a bit. “however, seeing you here today and the way he is around you i can tell he seems serious about this.”

serious my ass, i thought. it was all an act, god the oscar’s should give jaehyun an award for his stellar performance at fooling his father. “y-yeah,” i began saying. “when jaehyun first approached me, asking to take me out on a date, i was surprised as well. i mean little ol’ me with a man out of my reach… i have to admit i thought it was a foolish prank but then i realized how genuine he was. you raised him to be an amazing and loving man, mr.jeong.”

his face softened, “no, no i don’t deserve the credit, his mother does. he told you didn’t he, about his mother?” i nodded, even though it was technically yuna who had told me. “well, since my wife’s death my– no our lives have not been the same. everyday i lived in regret and sorrow, but then i remembered i had to keep going, not necessarily for me but for my son. his mother taught him everything she could’ve possibly taught him while she was still alive and for that i am forever grateful for.”

hearing him talk made my heart ache. i realized in that moment just how much not only jaehyun must’ve gone through but his dad as well. losing someone is not easy, getting over them is in fact far from it. “i’m sure she must be proud of the person jaehyun has become today,” i said. he smiled, “yeah, i’m sure she is. i guarantee you she would’ve adored you as well.” my heart broke all the more, even if this was a fake relationship those words still hit me.

i smiled weakly, lips twitching as i felt my eyes blurr. i blinked and there they were, tears streaming down my face. “oh dear, i didn’t mean to make you cry,” mr.jeong said, handing me a napkin. i wiped those darn tears away and later continued my conversation with his father.

contrary to my expectations, mr.jeong truly was a kind soul, weak to his family. i could also safely say that by the end of our conversation he seemed to like and approve of me. mission accomplished, i suppose.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

jaehyun and ms.kim arrived well past 15 minutes, but that didn’t matter because the conversation between mr.jeong and i was a great one. “he didn’t tell you anything bad right?” jaehyun spoke as he ate a piece of his dessert. i glanced over at his father giggling, “hmm just how you got stuck in the snow one time and cried out because they took forever to take you out.” jaehyun groaned, “dad!”

mr.jeong crossed his arms, smiling. “what can i say, you were quite a cute child back then.” i laughed, and enjoyed the company. i could get used to this… but right, this would only last a month. i tried shoving such thoughts from my head, deciding on focusing on the present.

we stayed for a while longer, deciding to leave once the sun was starting to set. i bid ms.kim a farewell before doing the same to mr.jeong. “come back again soon dear, with or without him,” mr.jeong said. i smiled, “will do!”

and so after having said our farewells, me and jaehyun headed off. i would say me and him we’re making progress as the car ride back was filled with lots of chatter. the poor guy investigating me on what stories his father had told me about him.

“well, i’m glad he likes you,” jaehyun said, “yeah, guess we really pulled this off,” i replied.

“mmm, he seems relieved that i finally have someone in my life now,” he continued. however, i didn’t respond back. i was too busy probing on the thought of how it seemed like jaehyun never told his father about yuna. i was too scared to bring up the subject, remembering how jaehyun became when her name was ever mentioned, so i left it at that: an insignificant thought.

the car ride back to my apartment continued with chatter. when we had arrived, i lingered in his car for a while. “so, i’ll see you next time?”

we both looked at one another. jaehyun’s mouth fell open, then closing. he didn’t respond, just giving me a simple nod of his head.

“then, drive home safely. bye jaehyun,” i said, opening up the passenger door. before i closed it jaehyun spoke, “sleep well y/n.” my face flushed, “mmm, you too” i said before closing the door. i gripped my bag, walking into my apartment complex as quickly as possible. god, what is wrong with you?!

as i opened the apartment door, i noticed the television playing. “ah, welcome home y/n!” yuna said cheerfully. she stopped for a brief moment, observing me. “hmm, what’s this our little y/n out on a date?!” she teased.

what do i say? yes, no? i mean it’d be fine as long as i didn’t tell her the name right?

“y-yeah,” i said, rather shyly. her eyes widened, squealing “who is it! someone i know!?” she bombarded me with questions. “n-no! he’s just some guy i’m getting to know,” i said. i can’t believe i’m lying to my best friend right now, but then again it’s not like i can tell her: “hey! i’m going out with your ex boyfriend!”

“well if you ever decided to make it official, introduce me to the guy! he’s gotta need my approval after all,” she said smiling. yuna was always the opposite of me, she shined bright everywhere she went. it was no shocker how she managed to get someone like jaehyun to fall head over heels for her.

i laughed at her declaration, “sure thing.” we stayed up for a while longer before we both headed off to bed. today was surely a long day, going surprisingly better than i had anticipated. it all led me to ponder how things would go in the future. it made me both nervous and excited for what was to come.

however only later would i realize how i crossed the line. it would be far too late to go back.

weeks passed, days flowed by and life was surprisingly better than ever. since my first meeting with jaehyun’s father, i’d visited him a few more times and now july was just about over. today, i got ready to go see jaehyun’s father again. though, jaehyun described it as a quick visit. nonetheless, i rushed to get ready since he would be here in around 15 minutes.

i made my way to the front of my apartment complex where he was waiting. it was always the same routine every single time. part of me was growing accustomed to this, but i constantly reminded myself of the month period which for a fact was close to coming to an end.

i hated to admit it but i didn’t want this to end, but i couldn’t bring myself to tell jaehyun about this secret of mine. hating to admit i blushed everytime he showered me with the littest bit of –fake– affection, that effect he was just having on me. i hated to admit just how much i’d grown to like him…

“everything alright?” he questions me. i snapped out of my thoughts, my face facing his as he held the steering wheel. “y-yeah just didn’t get enough sleep,” i lied.

“sorry to drag you out like this, but i know how much my dad would’ve bugged me if i didn’t bring you along,” he chuckled, which caused me to smile. yup, i’m completely fucked.

when we arrived at mr.jeong’s residence we were greeted by ms.kim who informed us mr.jeong had some friends over. moments later, he walked in with said friends and introduced me to each one of them. his use of the word, “daughter-in-law” not going unheard by me. jaehyun must’ve heard it too.

i was too focused on the conversation between the men that i failed to notice when jaehyun leaned down into my ear whispering, “i didn’t know they’d be here, i swear. the old man told me he had something to tell me but in reality i thought he’d just found some excuse to bring you along.” i turned to him, our faces only centimeters apart, my eyes widened.

“i-i, it’s alright,” i whispered. jaehyun closed the small distance between us until i could feel his breath on my face and the light touch of his lips on mine.

“oh young people,” mr.jeong said.

shit, i was too caught up in the moment i had forgotten they were right in front of us. my face felt hot, my whole body did. just a single move and our lips would’ve met each other. “if you don’t mind, can you excuse us,” jaehyun spoke up as he got up. his hand, taking mine to guide me up.

“sure, sure. enjoy yourselves,” his father said. god, this was so embarrassing. before leaving, we said our goodbyes and headed back to his car. in the car it was silent, the air felt different; i couldn’t speak.

i opted to look outside through the window, but the unfamiliar landscape drove me to finally speak. “th-this isn’t the way to my apartment…”

a beat later he answered, “i know we’re heading somewhere first.” i wondered where that could’ve been, but i didn’t get to wonder for long as i soon recognized we were heading to his apartment instead. i wonder what he could’ve wanted.

once i was back into the familiar, yet unfamiliar apartment, we sat on his sofa. there was silence for a while, before he made the first move. “what would you say if we extend our agreement?” he asked, but his eyes didn’t meet mine.

“wh-what…” i said. i was confused what he meant by this, i mean i could interpret this a hundred ways. he scratches the back of his neck, “fuck. that’s not, well i do mean.. mm,” jaehyun said, he seemed at a loss of words.

there was a brief moment of silence again, before he spoke up again. “date me. no agreement, contract, anything of the sort.”

no fucking way! “huh? you want us to date for real, but-” he interrupted me before i could finish. “before you say anything more, i want you to know that in all honesty i don’t want this to end. i’ve enjoyed every moment we’ve spent together, your smile, laugh, and that bright light you radiate. i like every part of you y/n… i like you.”

my eyes widened. no way, this was a confession... jaehyun was confessing to me. did i feel him the same way he felt? were these feelings of mine more affection than friendship? who am i kidding, they were. the truth in fact was that i liked jaehyun romantically, i couldn’t deny it any longer.

“i-i like you too…”

i watched as his face softened, his dimpled smile making it’s appearance. his smile was the most precious and beautiful i’d ever seen. one of his hands made their way to my cheek, caressing it. his body inched closer, until there was only a small distance between us.

“can i?” he whispered. i nodded, shyly closing my eyes. i felt as his lips touched mine. they molded perfectly into mine, felt soft too. it was a gentle kiss, but it quickly became something i enjoyed with all my heart.

i parted away first, trying to catch my breath but i was already starting to miss the feeling of his lips on mine. so i leaned back into him, our kiss deepening more this time around. his tongue intruded inside my mouth, colliding with mine. he then bit into my bottom lip, but quickly kissed on it. jaehyun places his hands on each side of my hips, guiding me to straddle his lap without breaking the kiss.

we continued devouring one another, enjoying what the other had to offer. things only escalated further when his hands began traveling along my body. his fingertips left a trailing blaze of heat throughout me. my hips then began moving on their own, my lower area in the need of some friction. i felt his cock hardened as i continued grinding on him. his hands now on my hips, gradually helping me pick up the pace.

his lips letting go of mine just to say, “hold on.” in which i followed, wrapping my arms around his neck as he gets up, walking to what i then knew was his bedroom. jaehyun gently lays me on his bed, my eyes on him as he lifts his shirt, taking it off and tossing it somewhere in his spacious room. his eyes then meeting mine, causing a smirk to form on his face. “like what you see?” he teases. i felt my face heat up. “don’t you think it’s a bit unfair for me to be the only one without a shirt?” he continued saying.

i lift myself up from his bed, hands grabbing the hem of my shirt, getting it over my head and onto the floor. i noticed as jaehyun’s eyes never left mine, soaking me all in. i felt quite shy so i covered my breasts with my arms. jaehyun got closer, “don’t be shy now baby, you're beautiful.”

baby. beautiful. god, his sweet words were so beautiful. i once again did as he said, putting my arms down to my sides. he closed the distance between us, colliding his lips onto mine in a deep and passionate kiss. all the while his hands began working with the hook of my bra until it came off me. he parts, bringing his lips to kiss all over me from my cheek to collarbone. when he brought his lips to my neck however, i felt as he sucked harshly onto my skin, causing me to wince. he parts, muttering a “sorry” against my neck.

jaehyun was marking me up, claiming what was his.

traveling further down, he stops at my breasts. i felt as his lips kissed the valley of my breast before going onto one. he stuck his tongue out, brushing against my nipple. he licked the bud until it hardened, and then went over to my other neglected breasts to do the same. this however didn’t satisfy him, so he began marking me up again, adding biting my tits into the mix. the attention and pleasure he was giving my tits was more than enough to make me a whining and needy mess. i was sure if he were to take off my skirt right now, my thighs would be dripping.

it was as if he was reading my mind because one of his hands began traveling inside my skirt until it cupped my sex. i moaned into the spacious room. “this wet already?” he muttered against my breast, letting his mouth room further down my body until it reached my belly. for a brief moment his hand comes back up from my skirt, using both his hands now to take off my skirt. while he tossed the skirt somewhere around the room, i began taking off my white laced panties. his eyes glued to me, it was like we were the only two people in this world.

with my panties off, i felt as the cool air hit my warm sex. jaehyun pried my legs open, using two of his fingers, to slide along my cunt. he gathered some of my juices onto his fingers only to bring them to his mouth and lick it up. “mm, so sweet. might get addicted, baby,” he says sweetly. he then brings his fingers back onto my cunt, teasing me. “p-please,” i whined.

“hmm? please what baby?” he says, staring at my desperate state. “to-touch me… your fingers, in me please,” i begged with the man above. jaehyun had you wrapped around his finger, practically putty in his hands.

jaehyun simply smiles before intruding his fingers into your hole. he feels as your gummy walls clenched around his fingers, squeezing him so tight. his eyes blessed with the sight of you trying to grind against his hand as you arch that pretty back off his bed. your beautiful singing of his name and moans we’re blessing his ears. so, so beautiful– he thought.

his fingers plunged in and out of you at a fast pace, you felt yourself nearing the end. the knot in your stomach threatening to unleash at any moment, just a little more, a little…

“don’t worry baby, go on cum… i got you,” jaehyun groaned. it was then when he brought his thumb into the mix, using the digit to rub your clit so deliciously. you grip the bed sheet, eyes rolling back until you saw white. your orgasm came crashing out, better than any previous orgasms you’ve or other guys have given you.

i panted, trying to catch my breath from that mind-blowing orgasm. my eyes returned to focus back to jaehyun as he licked his hands clean. when he finished he opened the drawer on his nightstand, fishing out a condom. unzipping his pants, he pulls them down along with his boxers until his cock sprung out. the poor thing looked hard as a rock, his tip red and leaking with pre-cum. my mouth nearly drooled at the sight, i wanted it in my mouth, a taste of it. “next time baby, right now i really wanna be in you,” he says, when he notices how focused i was on his cock.

he opens the condom, then sliding it onto his cock. “can you go lay over there baby,” he says, pointing in the direction of where his pillows were. i quickly made my way over there, laying back on my back. the mattress dipped when jaehyun got on, and he stopped in front of me. one of his hands wrapped around his cock. “open up for me baby,” he says in a low voice. opening my legs for him, he shuffled a bit further. his cock reached my pussy, where he used my wetness on the condom.

“ready?” he says, eyes staring straight at mine. i nodded my head, yes. all the confirmation jaehyun needed to start pushing his cock inside you. he was unlike any guy you’ve had before. the delicious stretch of his cock has you a moaning mess, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him deeper. the tight squeezing of your pussy around his cock doesn’t go unnoticed by him as it has him groaning and moaning into your ear.

“you feel so good, baby. so perfect. it’s as if you were made for me, this pussy was made for me,” he whispered into my ear. his words ignited me even more, my pussy clenching around him all the more. when all of him was in me, he lifted his body up and grabbed my thighs on both his hands. “don’t squeeze me too tight now or i won’t last long,” he says before sliding his cock out, leaving his tip inside.

gripping me tighter, he pounded his cock back inside me. thrusting ruthlessly and hard, i could feel as he reached deep inside me– his tip kissing my cervix beautifully. the pace didn’t falter even after what felt like 10 minutes. i moaned and chanted his name like it was the only word in my vocabulary. drool escaping my mouth and eyes watering with tears, was the state i was in. “who’s making you feel so good baby?” he says slightly panting.

when i didn’t answer, jaehyun lifted one of my legs higher. in this position, his cock pierced inside me even deeper than before. i could practically feel his nestled in my womb. “mmm~ ahh, uhh fuck. y-you! you! only you are jae!” i moaned loudly.

satisfied with your response, jaehyun decides to give you a reward. he places his thumb back onto your swollen clit, abusing the poor thing. with every pinch and rub to your clit you were growing closer. however, you felt strange. as you tried voicing your concern, jaehyun shushes you with his mouth on yours.

by this time it was too late, you came gushing out like a waterfall. he parts from the kiss, saliva connecting the two of you. he looks down to where you both were conjoined, “let me guess, that was your first time squirting?” you nodded dumbly, too fucked out of your mind. “wow, i’m honored baby,” he says as he continues fucking me through my orgasm. through my hazy state i noticed as his pace began to falter, slowing down a bit.

his cock twitched inside me, allowing himself to thrust a couple more times before he came into the condom. the air of his room smelled like sex, evidence of what had just transpired. he pulls out, taking off the condom as he walks over to dispose of it. “that was amazing baby,” he says, going back to lay beside me.

his arms wrap around my body, embracing me as we laid there. “i’ll clean you up in a bit, let us just enjoy this for now,” he says. before i knew it my eyes fluttered shut. i passed out for the night, too exhausted to stay awake for even a second more.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

i stirred my eyes open, coming face to face with the bright summer sun. i got up, taking my surroundings in. an unfamiliar bedroom… no wait, this is jaehyun’s bedroom. in that moment, the flashbacks of what happened last night replayed in my head. i turned to the other side of the bed, noticing it empty, but the scrambled bed sheets signified he was in fact there. i looked down to notice myself in a shirt that wasn’t mine, jaehyun’s.

fuck. wait… why did it dawn to me now that i literally agreed into becoming jaehyun’s –real– girlfriend. yuna... isn’t this betrayal? did i cross the line? i couldn’t ponder for too long before the bedroom door flung open.

jaehyun.

he wore gray sweats and a white t-shirt. “drooling already?” he teased coming to my side. i got up, sitting on the edge as i wiped my lips and felt as something wet touched the back of my hand. fuck i really was drooling. he laughed, going onto his knees, laying his head on my thighs. i combed a hand through his hair, “you’re quite the beast jaehyun.” he glances up, “what are you trying to say?” he says raising a brow.

“you know exactly what i mean!” slightly raising my voice. he still acted like he had no idea what i was referring to. “ughh, thanks to you i could barely walk,” i said shyly. it was true though, getting up from the bed, i could feel the ache.

he chuckled, “but you enjoyed it didn’t you?” i squinted my eyes, “we-well yes, but that’s besides the point! anyways did you clean me?” he nods his head, “yup, but you were sleeping so soundly i didn’t wanna wake you up, you’re quite the heavy sleeper babe.”

my heart nearly melted, “thanks jaehyun.” he smiled, a mischievous one in which i knew meant no good. “how about giving me a reward?” he asks sweetly. no matter how much i tried resisting i ended up giving in.

“i-thought this was a reward for you?” i tried saying as the sensation of his tongue running along my cunt cleared all normal functions from my brain. “it is,” he says as he raises his head to look into my lustful eyes. “your sweet pussy is such a delicacy for me. plus i haven’t had any breakfast yet,” he continues saying, giving me a wink at the end as he dove back in.

last night was not enough for jaehyun it seems so because you two were going right back at it throughout the morning. i mean not that you were complaining...

february 13th. the day before jaehyun’s birthday and also we can’t forget valentine’s day.

it has now been well over 6 months since me and jaehyun had begun dating and all of it has been a bliss. jaehyun truly was the best boyfriend i could ever ask for. everything seemed right, but then i spiraled into a panic. it wasn’t often but occasionally guilt would eat me away, my consciousness yelling at me. however it was too late to turn back now, not unless a time machine magically appeared. yet again, i didn’t regret a single thing… was it bad that i didn’t?

but i see her, yuna, in the back of my mind. all the time, like a fever. did i cross the line?

and i then realized that it wasn’t reassurance that i needed from jaehyun, it felt like something more, something i so desperately was trying to search for…

nonetheless today is his pre-birthday dinner! i can’t be moping around in depressing thoughts! quickly getting outta bed, i began getting myself ready. unlike other days, today i went for a cute some-what skin tight dress, heels, loose curled hair, and a tad bit more make-up. before making my way downstairs to meet up with jaehyun, i grabbed a small gift bag and tucked it inside my purse.

as i made my way down, i saw his car come rolling in. a smile making its way on my face as he gets out of the car to greet me. “you’re quite breathtaking,” he says as he pecked me on my lips. i let out a dreamy sigh, “and you’re quite the charmer.” he smiled, taking my hand to guide me to the passenger seat of his car. after shutting the door, he walks over to his door and begins the drive.

unfortunately, he knew about his pre-birthday dinner, only because i am not the world’s best driver so i can’t be the one to drive us there. i planned for it to be a small dinner at an italian restaurant we both enjoyed. however, what he was unaware of was about how i called the restaurant a couple days ago to inform them if they could bring out a cake. so technically i’m still seeing this as a whole surprise!

when we finally arrived at the restaurant, he took my hand in his to walk me. luckily for those reservations we made because if not we would’ve waited hours just to get a table. when we got situated at our table, a waiter came by not too later to take our orders. once we got our food, we ate while chatting about anything and everything. we enjoyed each other’s presence as we ate on a cool february night.

a while later i excused myself, under the circumstances that i had to use the restroom. yet in reality i was going to go inform the waiter to bring out the cake. i returned to my seat afterwards and waited for them to arrive.

“happy, happy birthday! happy birthday! happy birthday to you!” the waiters around us sang as they clapped their hands. i recorded the scene as jaehyun look bewildered, his cheeks adorning a pink-ish color. cute, i thought. one of the waiter places the cake on the table, and after they finished singing jaehyun blew the candle. the waiters later dispersed, leaving me and jaehyun alone.

“so this is why you wanted to come here?” he questioned. i smirked, “yup, yup and they so kindly agreed to it!” he sighed before giving me a slice of his cake. we continued chatted whilst we ate the very delicious cake. whereas i note jaehyun’s eyes never leaving me, watching me intently as i licked the icing off my fork.

jaehyun clears his throat, catching my attention, “w-we should get going soon.” i raised my brow, “huh, but-” he interrupted me before i could continue, “i have a better idea.”

“oh yeah, and what could that be?” i questioned him. “you’ll see. follow me,” he says, getting up and taking me by my wrist. we quickly stop by to pay before we leave. jaehyun’s pace slightly rushed.

when we arrived at the parking garage, he pinned me to the passenger door. not even a second later does he take my lips on his. he kisses me with such passion, lust, and hunger— even if he had just eaten. i was a bit bewildered at first but i soon sink into the kiss, my arms wrapping around his neck.

his knee comes in between my legs, as his hands began to roam my body. a hand slips under my dress, causing me to moan into the kiss when i feel his hand travel further up only stopping to rub two of his fingers against my pussy.

i pant as i part from the kiss, “s-stop, not here jae.” i felt hazy already, and as i looked at him i noticed those lustful eyes of his. “get in then, we’ll continue this somewhere else,” he mutters into my ear before pecking my temple. we rushed inside the car, leaving the parking lot as he drove us quickly to the nearest hotel.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

we just barely made it inside the door when jaehyun’s desperate hands began removing the dress i wore, later pooling at the bottom of my feet. “fuck, when i saw you in that dress i wanted nothing more but to rip it off you and fuck you,” he mumbles into my ear as his hand begin to remove my panties. “no bra too? fuck, you’re going to be the death of me baby,” he groaned.

being completely naked with the cool door pressed against my back, jaehyun soaks me all in before using his fingers to rub against my cunt again. “this wet already? all for me, is that right?” he continues teasing. i let out a small whimper before muttering “yes.”

jaehyun quickly takes his hand away from my aching pussy, licking his fingers clean. he moans in satisfaction as he tastes my juices. using both his hands, he quickly begins removing his clothes, his hard cock resting against his stomach. he watches as i stare intently, bringing one hand to his cock he begins jerking it. fuck, now this is going to kill me.

“Get on your knees baby,” he says. i sank into my knees in no time, face only about an inch away from his leaking cock. “open,” he continues as he grabs the back of my head to inch me closer to his cock. my mouth falls open, making on “o” shape. “good girl,” he groans when his tip intrudes inside my mouth.

he slowly moved his cock furthur inside my mouth, but when i begin to slightly gag he stopped. “you can take it, ain’t you’re first time baby,” he says and he has a point, though it was just too big i could never seem to fit it without gagging, drooling, or tearing up. he begins moving his cock again, and i finally feel the tip reach down my throat, so deep. “that’s right, shoved down deep in ya,” he groans. he stays snugged in my mouth for a moment before telling me, “now your turn, suck me off baby.”

i place my hands against his thighs to move my head back, until only his tip was inside. i use my tongue to swirl around his tip, my hands soon helping in jerking the rest of his cock. i hear the way jaehyun’s moans and groans filled the room, my ears blessed.

i let go of his tip, bringing my tongue to lick him along his cock and pecking his tip. i repeated this on the other side, glancing up to look at jaehyun’s state. he was an absolute wreck already.

“come on baby, i told ya to suck it,” he groans. so i stop licking his cock, sinking his cock slowly into my mouth. “th-that’s it, your mouth feels so fucking good. cock fits all snug, ain’t that right baby.”

jaehyun’s words ignited a fire within me. i eagerly began sucking his cock, bobbing my head while he held me. while i was doing my ministrations on his cock, i felt my breathing getting constricted so i stopped. i kept the head in my mouth still, using my tongue to swirl around it.

once i felt well again, i took him back in. my hands traveled to his balls, fondling them as i continued sucking on him at a slightly faster pace. the noises he emitted signaled he was close to releasing. so in a despair, jaehyun’s hips began moving. he fucked his cock inside my mouth ruthlessly as i gagged and tears rolled down my face. yet still it felt so good; i didn’t stop the swirling of my tongue on his cock nor the fondeling on his balls.

“so close baby, just a bit more,” he moans. a couple more thrusting of his hips into my mouth, he releases inside it. the taste of his cum courses throughout me. he pulls his cock out, using his fingers to shove back any of his cum that had escaped. i swallowed all that he gave me, opening my mouth to show there was no more.

“get up and bend over,” his deep voice says. i do as he says once more, placing my hands on the door whilst my ass comes into his view. i hear him emit a pleased moan before groping my ass. “so beautiful,” he mutters.

you feel as he slides his cock in between ur ass, rubbing it against you. almost naturally you begin to move, you wanted nothing more but for him to fuck you. a low laugh comes out of his mouth before he slaps your ass. you couldn’t help but yelp in surprise. the coolness of the door, brushing against your already hardened nipples.

it wasn’t long though before he slid himself inside you. his cock enters you almost smoothly. “so wet, it slid right in,” he chuckles, fingers digging into your ass.

he stays pressed against you for a while before he pulls back, cock sliding out too. jaehyun slides back in, those gummy walls of yours still tightening around his cock. he fucks you ruthlessly and brutally, not caring how loud you were because after all the noises coming out of you were a symphony.

his pace doesn’t falter, keeping it past 100. the sweet chants of his name, pushing himself forward. he slaps your ass more than once when he notices how you’d tighten around him even more. “i-i’m gonna cu-“ he interrupts you. jaehyun uses his hand to turn your head around, locking his lips onto yours. the two of you hungrily kissed one another, so lost in it that you failed to notice when his hand traveled down.

you moan into the kiss when you feel his digits, working on your clit. pinching and rubbing you so good that you felt your stomach tighten. letting go of his lips, saliva connecting you moan out loud when you feel your orgasm unleashing. you faintly hear the sound of it splashing onto the floor, making a mess. “good girl,” he praises you as he continues fucking into you.

your orgasm only made you tighten around him all the more, scrambling with jaehyun’s brain. he was getting close and you could feel it in the change in pace. his cock twitches inside you and he slaps your ass roughly one last time before you gush inside you. his hot white seeds painting your womb, stuffing you full.

jaehyun pulls out hesitantly, his eyes feasting upon your fucked state. his seeds slowly spilling down your legs. “not yet,” he mumbles before he effortlessly carries you to the bed.

he didn’t let you rest the whole night, continuing to spill deep inside you in the bed, against the wall, and in the bathroom where you two were supposed to “shower.” and well while he took you in the shower, it’d occur to you something important…

“happy birthday love,” you say as you kiss his lips. ah right, jaehyun remembers too that it was his birthday now. he smiles into the kiss, feeling your love. a long fucking later, the two of you collapse on the bed, both so utterly exhausted from the night’s activities. the last thing you remember was when he engulfs you into him, pecking your head as your eyes flutter shut.

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

the sun shines through the curtains, stirring your eyes open. you grumble as you turn to the other side of the bed, prying jaehyun’s hands off of you. you get up to use the restroom as you had the urge to pee.

once you finish your business, you go over to the sink to wash your hands, looking in the mirror. the hickies and love bites all over your body capturing your attention. that dumbass, you thought.

making your way out the bathroom, you notice jaehyun sitting on the edge of the bed. “awake already?” he asks. i smile, “i should be asking you that birthday boy.”

“come here,” he says. “i’m not gonna suck you off again,” i replied. his face saddened, “why not?” “i know you’re just teasing me,” i said. he chuckled before signaling me over. i go over to him, sitting beside him. “how’d you sleep,” he asks, resting his head on my shoulder. “like a baby,” i reply. “how about you?” he pondered for a moment, “the best i’ve ever slept in my whole life,” he answered. i giggled at his response. we stayed like that for a while, his head resting on my shoulder and mine on top of his, in silence before he looked up to kiss my lips. the kiss was gentle and full of love.

he pulls away, “i love you.” i smile at him— i know that you love me, you don’t need to remind me. “i love you too jae.”

soon after, jaehyun gets up saying he needs to use the restroom. i’m left alone in the room, lost in my own thoughts until i hear a phone ping. i turn to the nightstand beside the bed. jaehyun’s phone is the only one there. i inch closer to grab his phone as curiosity took over me.

phone in hand i press on the screen, a message displayed on his home screen. an unsettling feeling set in my stomach, nauseating even. my fingers moved on their own, inputting his pass code. then my fingers tap on the message’s app.

i froze. my heart stopped beating. the feeling of wanting to throw up arising in my throat. this couldn’t be, no what?

yuna…

what was her contact doing in his phone. it didn’t make any sense.

the message he received from her was simple: “happy birthday.” however there were 10+ messages left unopened. once again my finger moved on their own, opening their chat.

my eyes watered until eventually tears came spilling out of my eyes. i couldn’t believe what i was seeing. messages yuna sent over the course of our relationship. from “i miss you” to “i’m lonely, miss you fucking me.” and probably the worst of it, images of her bare and open displayed. i was beyond sick to my stomach.

however, that wasn’t even the bad part. as i scroll further up i found messages in which he had responded to. their conversations disgusted me, how could he do this while we dated? while he whispered to me he loved me? had it all really been nothing but a lie, a play?

“hey baby, how about we- shit!” jaehyun says coming out of the bathroom. he notices your sobbing state, his phone in your hands. he rushes over to you, “wh-what happened baby?” he asks. though as he reaches over to try and wipe the tears off your face, you swat his hand away. he widened his eyes in surprise, you’d never done this before.

you shove the phone to his chest, in which he takes it into his hands. all color drained from his face when he saw what it was that made you like this. “look y/n i can explain,” he starts off but you stop him. “explain what?! how since the start you’ve been cheating on me!?” i replied back in a harsh tone. i begin to get up from the bed, roaming the hotel room in search of my clothes. “j-just please, baby hear me out,” he continued.

“fine, i’ll hear you out,” i said, picking up my clothes. jaehyun begins, “i-i well fuck, where do i even begin,” he groaned, palming his face. you made a sour look, it’s so bad he doesn’t even know where to start, you think as you pull your dress over your body.

“you know when i first approached you asking to fill in as my fake girlfriend?” he starts, but when you don’t respond he continues. “you told me that day that if it was a ploy to get back with her, you wouldn’t do it…” again, he is met by your silence. “well, in truth y/n that was all there was to it. my father didn’t really care if i had someone in my life or not, i.. i just selfishly wanted her back. at the time however i knew she wanted nothing to do with me, so then popped the idea of using you as a means to get back with her.”

“you’re disgusting,” i say, crying all over again. his face showcasing hurt. how could he be the one hurt in this situation, you thought.

“you’re not wrong about that,” he says. “so then when did it start?” i questioned. “the day after we met my father,” he confessed. “that following day i went over to your apartment complex, waiting until she appeared. and well when she did, i confronted her. that day i pleaded with her, and so we spent the entire day together. we managed to clear our misunderstandings, and well we ended up.. in my bed,” jaehyun continued, hesitating to say the last words.

his bed? the very first place we spent passionately together… i couldn’t comprehend it, my heart ached so much it started going numb.

“after that night, we actually never saw each other again. instead we resorted to calling and eventually just texting. it went on for a while actually, in fact a couple months after we actually started dating…” every word coming out of his mouth was another stab to me, hurting me the more he continued. “however… the more time i spent with you, knowing you all the more i began realizing how i’d fallen in love with you,” he confesses. “bullshit,” i blurted out.

“it’s not… please believe me y/n,” he pleads with me. “how could i? why should i? you fucking lied to me jaehyun!” i shouted, every raw emotion coming out.

“fine… if you won’t believe me that’s fine but, y/n i truly did fall in love with you. i love you to this day, this very moment. and since realizing that i stopped answering her, it didn’t matter to me when she’d occasionally message me because all i wanted was you!” jaehyun says.

“love doesn’t mean lying jaehyun.” i watched as he opened his mouth again, but closed it soon after. he knew you were right. “i- i get that i was in the wrong but-” he starts by saying before i decide to cut him off. “enough of this jaehyun, no matter what comes out of that mouth of yours won’t change my mind.”

“wh-what do you mean,” he mutters, his lips trembling. jaehyun feared what you meant by this, he feared his number one fear coming true. that fear was none other than losing you.

“i mean that we’re over.”

your words hit jaehyun like a bulldozer. so hard he almost feels the pieces of his shattered heart. never once in his life has regretted his life, unlike today. he should’ve told you, he knows he should’ve but he was too cowardly to do so. and now he’s bearing the consequences, watching you deeply hurt because of his actions.

when you feel as though nothing more could be said or done, you grab your purse and walked to the hotel doorway. you faintly hear as jaehyun calls out to you, but you try to ignore it. however he grabs one of your arms by your wrist, stopping you just as you were about to open the door.

you turn back, “what?” you say in annoyance. “pl-please don’t leave. just tell me how i could fix things, you-” you interrupt him again.

more annoyed this time you say, “what don’t you get!? jaehyun we’re over! nothing you say or do now is going to change what happened.” he grips you a little tighter, causing you to look up at him. your heart almost sinks as you see him with tears rolling down his eyes like waterfalls. oddly enough you also begin to shed tears.

“p-please,” you plead with him. “just let me go jae. you and i both know this is irreversible.” his eyes soften, causing you to look down. you just couldn’t look at him, it hurt you even more. that was when you noticed the small gift bag in your purse.

his birthday present. you’d forgotten to give it to him. you know that now is not the right time to give it to him, but nonetheless you still decide to do so. taking out the small gift, you hand it over to him. that causes his hand to let go of your wrist so that he’d be able to take the gift in both his hands.

swiftly you grab the door handle, opening the door. you glance back one last time, a frozen jaehyun in the doorway. “goodbye jaehyun,” you say as you walk out. then right before the door closes you hear him say for one last time, “i love you, y/n.”

└───❀̥˚───❀̥˚┘

once you made it inside the elevator you slumped down to your knees, waterfalls of tears omitting from your eyes. you couldn’t believe it, jaehyun… how could he. moments of the two you flashed through your head.

part of you wishing you’d said more, questioned him more. like asking him: “do you see her, in the back of your mind? In my eyes?” but then again part of it felt like it made sense now, why you were always on edge.

as you walked along the side walk, you thought that perhaps this was for the best. i mean everything happens for a reason after all. one day this would be all but just a fleeting memory, a blurry memory i would have no recollection of. i’d hoped and prayed for that.

today. valentine’s day, cryin’ in the hotel… i know you didn’t mean to hurt me so i kept it to myself.

2024.07.13

final a.n: as promised here is the other fic i planned to release 😛!! woohoo, this was a rlly fun one to write, since i deeply enjoy this song that the fic is inspired by. also ngl when i was writing the second snusnu scene i was playing cas new album “x’s” && started sobbing ㅠㅠ . oh pls anyhow i hope u enjoyed this one, it was quite long but felt worth writing 🤍 also! thank u for all the love on “million dollar baby !” i appreciated all the love and support thank uuuu! stay safe yall & love u all very much, jiji out 🤍 [ new fic out next week: expect haechan or doyoung 🤫 ] !

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autistichalsin · 1 year ago

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I don't know, I just find it interesting that every single one of the three characters who consent to having the player have a poly relationship with Halsin, have the fandom erase their consent using the exact same argument, which is, and I quote:

(They) don't actually want it. They just are afraid to lose you.

All of these characters will not hesitate to read the player the riot act for violating their boundaries, and there are quite a few scenes where they (especially Astarion) will outright break up with the player for going too far. These are adults who have little trouble standing up for themselves, yet we are supposed to believe that suddenly, with and only with Halsin, they are unable to consent. (Notably, this also is applied only to the poly romance; the characters' ability to consent to a monogamous relationship with the player is, of course, never to be questioned.)

Shadowheart, who practically salivates at the idea of being regaled with your story of "climbing Mt. Halsin", must not have really consented. (Women can't consent to icky, nasty sex things, see. That would imply they have desires of their own.)

Karlach, who is passionate and strong and hot-tempered, who, again, will call the player out on anything that makes them uncomfortable, is suddenly a shrinking flower who just can't tell the player, "no, I want a monogamous relationship." It can't be that her terminal illness has left her unable to examine her own feelings around polyamory; it must be that she is only saying it not to lose the player. Because Karlach is, somehow, the kind of woman who would stick around if she thought the player would sink low enough as to pressure a dying woman into an open relationship? (Again: women are always delicate flowers. They can't consent to anything, clearly.)

And then there's Astarion. Astarion, who has the most triggers to break up with the player out of ANY romanceable character. Astarion, who says he has trouble saying no to sex sometimes, but explicitly says the reason he's willing to give this a try with Halsin is his experience in this area which guarantees Astarion won't get hurt (and even says earlier that he won't have a relationship with Shadowheart too because she has no experience.) Astarion, who is eager to find his own desires again. Astarion, who wants to make choices- even wrong choices or ones he regrets, because isn't that half the fun of getting to make a choice? Getting to fail? Anyway. THAT Astarion is, coincidentally, ALSO, somehow, lying to the player and doesn't want this at ALL and only says this so the player won't leave him. He leaves if the player manipulates him into sex, he leaves if the player lets him get kidnapped, but this one boundary is, somehow, one he just can't seem to express. Because, you see, survivors are MAYBE capable of enjoying sex, but only "normal" sex with the player. Can't have him agreeing to something taboo like polyamory, because then he might not seem like a delicate flower.

Even Halsin, the bear himself, isn't immune to this: people insist that he too doesn't actually enjoy poly, and only says it because he thinks if he asserts himself too much, makes it seem like he wants the player to himself, that they won't be interested and will reject him. So he pre-emptively brings up something he can't properly consent to... despite polyamory being the default in wood elf culture. Despite wood elves specifically viewing romantic jealousy as immature and worthy of mockery. See, if a character has insecurities and is in a poly relationship, that must mean they aren't actually poly, not that they need reassuring. When a character in a monogamous relationship has doubts, that just means they need comforting, but when they're in a polyamorous relationship, well, that just means they can't truly enjoy poly!

I don't know, I just find it really fascinating that the arguments against the characters who are poly or open to poly "really" being poly are all the exact same argument applied uniformally to the characters regardless of whether that actually fits their backstories and behaviors during the scenes where it's discussed. It's like poly makes people uncomfortable, but they aren't willing to reckon with their favorite romanceable character(s) having such drastically different values around relationships, so the only way out is to insist they don't actually like it/are incapable of consenting. It's as fascinating as it is frustrating, really.

#discourse #halsin #halsin silverbough #not tagging the others because i don't think it would be received as well but i will tag halsin because it's relevant to him

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championari · 8 months ago

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True Love: Why FifteenxRogue Works

WOW. Man, that Rogue episode, huh? Watching that live was probably the greatest experience I’ve had recently regarding Doctor Who. Not just as a queer viewer, but as a queer media analyst. Fifteen and Rogue truly feel like a relationship written for me to analyze, because there is simply so frickin’ much to talk about. So, allow me, gentle reader, to be your Lady Whistledown of queer alien fuckery, and guide you through analyzing the latest dalliance of our Time Lord extraordinaire with the most honest bounty hunter in the galaxy.

We’ll be covering a LOT of ground in this: the theme of facades/masks, an interrogation of The Doctor’s perception of romantic relationships, and a deep dive into The Fifteenth Doctor’s character overall. So, needless to say, this is going be a LONG LONG piece. Grab a snack, some water, whatever you need, cause we’re going deep on this one.

You’re still here? Fantastic! Then let us begin! Specifically, with the Fifteenth Doctor himself. Because above all else, this episode works as a dissection of his character overall.

I’ve already done two metas regarding The Giggle’s ending and The Doctor’s perception of romance pre-Season 1/14, so if you want more elaboration, go read those here: 1, 2. But in case you don’t, I’ll sum up and expand based on what we’ve learned since.

The Doctor, as a character, has always struggled with commitment and attachment. They never stayed in one place for long and when they did, they had an unhealthy relationship with it (Trenzalore, Darillium, Bill’s University). Romantic connection is a permutation of this larger issue, as every romantic relationship we have seen The Doctor take part in since 2005 either was unbalanced (holding back problems/outright lying) or ended in a really bad way. However, thanks to the 60th specials and a bi-generation, The Doctor went through a massive change, and with it, came a new perception of openness and love. Fifteen is more expressive, and willing to verbally identify beauty. He openly points out how beautiful people are, and talks about previous exploits with pride. But this supposed openness betrays a deeper dishonesty still inside the Doctor. As much as Fifteen talks the talk of openness, he doesn’t often walk the walk when things get tough.

Fifteen’s character struggle is trying to break out of the Doctor’s previous patterns of unstable attachment and commitment while continuing those patterns. He values emotional honesty and encourages it in others yet simultaneously runs from it when the spotlight is on himself, even when he knows it’s beneficial and necessary for him to do so. So, with all of that in mind, let’s deep dive into Rogue (the episode, not the character, but also the character).

The best word to describe this episode is ‘deception’. Setting the episode in Bridgerton-esque Regency-era England was an appropriate choice, likening to a show that is all about facades and posturing to gain wealth and social standing (yes I am oversimplifying, don’t hurt me). Throughout the episode, we see characters who aren’t who they present themselves to be and use all manner of tools or tactics to disguise themselves to meet their ends.

We have the Chuldur, creatures who gain pleasure from cosplaying. They thrive on creating fake entertainment for their amusement, honesty is useless if it can’t satisfy them. While this is meant as an obvious commentary on fan culture and how dangerous it can get when taken to the extreme, it also functions as a darker reflection on The Doctor’s habits. Because think about it: what are Fifteen and Ruby doing in this episode? They are having fun, dancing alongside the other partygoers. They’re wearing the outfits but only to blend in. Ruby doesn’t know how to dance, she has to wear psychic earrings to keep up. She watches the fake fight between ‘Emily’ and ‘Lord Stilton’ like she would watch an episode of Bridgerton. Her fight with Emily later in the episode is set to Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ playing in the background.

What we’re seeing in the villains is The Doctor’s pastimes becoming toxic, taking a companion and bringing them to a culture far removed from their own. But it’s not only a commentary on The Doctor overall, it’s also Fifteen’s philosophy in a darker context. Posing as sincerity and maybe containing it to some extent, but ultimately not completely honest. Through the setting and the villains, the episode is already priming us on a subconscious level to be thinking about disguises and dishonesty, a topic that both The Doctor and the Fifteenth incarnation specifically have a complicated relationship with. And then comes Rogue.

Rogue himself is such a fascinating part of the episode because he is such a deliberate disruption to this cultivated environment of deception. Rogue is the complete antithesis of everyone in the plot. He’s terrible at improvising, he’s socially awkward, he dances without needing psychic earrings, and he never cleans the inside of his ship. Rogue intentionally disrupts the narrative of lies by not being able to play the game. Even when he tries to wear a mask, the mask of an uncaring bounty hunter, He doesn’t wear it well and gets rid of it after the ship scene with The Doctor. Rogue is a character who cannot help but be who he is, he’s a character who not only can’t wear a mask but doesn’t want to. To put it simply, honesty is Rogue’s kink. That’s why the episode is named after him; it’s not just because he’s a central character, but because he provides the counter-argument to the themes of lies and deception. Rogue, the disruptor to The Chuldur’s acts of fake entertainment, and the disruptor to The Doctor’s act of cosplaying with Ruby, and on a deeper level, disrupts Fifteen’s oscillation between sincerity and repression. But we’ll get to that, we have Mount Everest's amount of context to analyze first, starting with their first meeting.

The Doctor and Rogue’s beginning scene sets the stage for the main obstacle in their relationship: their masks. ‘Cause right now we’re operating with two versions of the characters: the facade/mask versions, and the real versions. We get our first look at Rogue when Fifteen looks around for interference on the psychic earrings. He finds him being the most conspicuous while wearing the ‘bounty hunter’ mask: on a balcony (separated from the party physically), not speaking at all.

He is standing out here but only in the way someone who knows disguises would recognize. The Doctor, remember no. 1 liar, of course he’s gonna recognize that. So much so, that he gives Rogue pointers on how to put on a better “brooding” face, literally teaching him how to wear the mask better. Rogue is an amateur mask wearer, going up against the master of mask-wearing. And that’s why Fifteen smiles when he sees him, he’s intrigued by that contradiction and wants to know more.

Rogue meanwhile, is being rude and dismissive to scare him off, trying to keep to the mask he’s built. At this point, he knows that Fifteen also stands out from the rest but right now is assuming that he’s still a random partygoer. Notice what he says to him:

He’s still using language and ideas someone from that era would understand. Where this deviates is this little exchange that felt familiar to me, but I couldn’t figure out from where. Until I remembered this:

(credit to @ngatwa for this set, you're amazing)

This is the first instance in the episode where Fifteen and Rogue’s relationship calls back to previous romantically-coded relationships The Doctor has had between companions. But it’s not just romantic subtext, it’s subtext that explains where the two are in the relationship. Victorian Clara was far more than what she appeared to be (a governess masquerading as a barmaid/echo of a companion scattered in the Doctor’s timeline), and the Doctor was more than he appeared to be (an alien who lived in a blue box). In asking those questions, it’s both recognition of the masks and inquiry for the real person underneath. Same thing here: Rogue and Fifteen at this point are trying to figure each other out, trying to see beyond the masks of the uncaring bounty hunter, and the flirtatious partygoer. Where things start to go wrong is that neither party fesses up to who they are. Rogue instantly assumes Fifteen is The Chuldur he’s looking for, while Fifteen assumes Rogue is a regular partygoer looking to…*ahem* create a scandal in the gardens if you get what I mean. This explains why a violin rendition of Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’ plays in the background. It’s not just a Bridgerton reference, it’s contributing to both characters’ perception of each other in this scene: both characters think the other is the “bad guy”. The lead into the scene is deception, we leave it the same way. No breakthrough yet.

Now we’re moving on to the scene in the garden, where both masks of Fifteen and Rogue begin clashing with their real personalities. Fifteen is still being semi-sincere, still complimenting Rogue. And like water, all of it is rolling off of him because he’s still under the assumption he’s talking to a shapeshifting alien. He rudely asks about The Doctor’s info dumping and doesn’t respond to The Doctor’s compliments.

(credit to @klausbens for the gif, you're awesome)

He’s not engaging because he thinks the Doctor is not who he appears to be, and for a character that values honesty, everything Fifteen says is gonna wash over him. The moment this changes is when the two are accusing the other of the murder. Quite literally finishing each other’s sandwiches (C’mon, you know I had to throw a Frozen reference in this somewhere).

This is a very interesting scene given our current context. Trope-wise, this is meant to communicate to the audience the bond between the two characters, they’re thinking the same thing. But the trope is flipped on its head because both characters take it in opposite directions. Both Fifteen and Rogue are in perfect sync, they are being honest about how much they understand about the situation, but that information is leading them to completely different conclusions (i.e. the other person is the Chuldur). They’re slapping more masks onto each other, this time with information they know is true, which leads to them locking in their heels and simply not being honest altogether until later. This scene is a repeat of the previous one, except this time it’s them showing their hands a bit more, making the backslide all the more difficult. Getting close to sealing the deal, then heel turn at the last minute, a classic Bridgerton move.

So, what needs to happen to break this backslide? Well, plain and simple honesty. The scene on Rogue’s ship is when both masks start coming off. What Fifteen is doing on the ship during the scene is essentially trying to figure out Rogue. He finds out the ship is meant to be piloted by two, and he discovers the origin of Rogue’s name, the Kylie Minogue music. Which is a moment I want to zoom in on. Right before this happens when Rogue gives a cheeky response to Fifteen finding out about the name, Fifteen makes a joke and starts emphasizing his Scottish accent. This is Fifteen putting on another mask to make a joke, and Rogue doesn’t appreciate that, given his dirty look.

Then Fifteen finds the music, which he then again uses as an opportunity to joke around and make fun of him (and flirt a little bit with him). Fifteen is removing Rogue’s mask, while he is staying enigmatic and mysterious, which is why Rogue is still stonewalling him. HOWEVER, two can play that game, and Fifteen makes a big mistake in showing Rogue the psychic paper. This is the first time Fifteen is completely honest about his feelings towards Rogue. No mask, no posturing, complete honesty. And we see Rogue responds positively to this:

This is the first time the two are both on the same level, communicating honestly. And that’s where we start to see genuine romantic feelings and attraction.

But it’s not enough, so what does Fifteen do? He pulls out the big guns. He shows Rogue the truth: he’s a Time Lord from Gallifrey and has lived many different lives over hundreds of years. He not only rips off his mask, he quite literally reveals all of the other masks the Doctor has worn throughout the ages. And what is Rogue’s reaction to this?

Complete besotted awe. If honesty is Rogue’s kink, then The Doctor revealing their faces just supercharged it. This is the moment that Rogue falls in love because he’s finally seeing who this mysterious flirty person really is.

Now, I’m gonna pull out another previous Doctor romance for two reasons: One, I’ve been seeing this comparison floating around for a while, and if you know me and my old analyses, it’s that I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, and two, because I think it applies here. I’ve been seeing comparisons online of this episode to Girl in the Fireplace, in which a new character falls in love with The Doctor and gets the rare opportunity to see their true self. But what makes Reinette different from Rogue is that honesty kink. Reinette was attracted to the mystery of the Doctor, her childhood hero who somehow doesn’t age. Note when he comes back the first time, she focuses on how strange he is:

She learns more about them later, but she was already in love with them before that. Rogue doesn’t want the mystery. In reality, The Doctor wearing masks is a turnoff for him. He only wants the real thing, so when Fifteen reveals the truth, that’s when the genuine romance begins.

(We could also extend this comparison to the discussion of consent: Reinette found out everything without The Doctor's permission, while Fifteen revealed all the info by himself, but whether we can consider this consensual depends on your definition of consent under duress/threat. So I’m not entirely sure what to make of this conversation, feel free to expand in the tags/replies cause I want to hear more about this)

So now we’re moving along to the TARDIS scene. We continue with the theme of disguises with the whole “bigger on the inside” routine, Fifteen riffing as Willy Wonka for a hot moment singing Pure Imagination, and we have Rogue’s momentary slip-up:

(credit to klausbens for the gifs, you're awesome)

This is a great sign of character growth because while he’s maybe not wholly honest about his feelings towards The Doctor, he still is open about his love for the TARDIS, an important part of The Doctor’s life, so big step right there.

I want to pay attention to the heart-to-heart here because watching what Fifteen says and how he reacts is extremely important to getting his view on the situation. Because right now, I wouldn’t say The Doctor is in love with Rogue back. While there is a lot of attraction and hints at a deeper bond, Fifteen is still operating with most of his mask on. Notice that when he asks Rogue about the person he lost, Ncuti Gatwa’s blocking has him leaning on the railing at an angle to the side of Rogue. He’s purposely staying at a distance, yet is leaning on the railings to appear casual.

And when Rogue starts opening up, he moves closer and they’re at equal distance from each other.

We get a really sweet (and allegorical to the queer community) moment about The Doctor’s motivation of living out of respect for the dead, to keep living each day that they lost. And then we get Fifteen inviting Rogue onto the TARDIS. I want to focus on this because he doesn’t seem upset or disappointed by Rogue countering this offer by inviting The Doctor to travel with him, meaning he doesn’t see this as a “take it or leave it” offer. In fact, the compromise Fifteen comes up with, “let’s argue across the stars” and Rogue accepting it, is what leads to the almost kiss. So that prompts the question, what is Fifteen trying to say here?

Well, what Fifteen is asking for is to continue seeing Rogue. It doesn’t matter to him if he’s on the TARDIS or not, all that matters is that he still has him in his life. The choice to see him more. Why does that sound familiar? Because that’s exactly what I wrote about in my dissertation on The Giggle’s Ending:

“In giving Fourteen their own TARDIS, Fifteen is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. Fourteen can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.”

Fifteen’s love language is giving the people he cares about the freedom to express the love they already have within them. He values freedom above all else, and when Rogue accepts that freedom, that’s when we get the almost-kiss. This is the moment where The Doctor falls in love with Rogue back because it’s Rogue being willing to meet The Doctor where they’re at. He’s allowing Fifteen to set the pace and not force himself on him.

Additionally, this willingness to be as slow or fast as The Doctor needs means far more to The Doctor overall than to just Fifteen. Many people have already pointed out the similarities between the line “let’s argue across the stars' and previous lines the Doctor has said to villainous characters like The Master and The Toymaker:

"We can take your games back to the stars."

"We can fight across the constellations if that's what you want".

Now, why is that? It’s because again, The Doctor’s perception of Rogue is evolving in this scene. Remember, up to this point, The Doctor doesn’t entirely know Rogue’s morality. All they know is that Rogue is a bounty hunter, and is not afraid to use his gun when he deems appropriate. There’s even a little line in this scene before the heart-to-heart where Fifteen specifically imposes his own brand of morality on the situation: “Whatever the Chuldur has done, I can’t let you kill it.” Now, we know that The Doctor’s morality and romantic life can conflict: River being a known murderer/psychopath, their longtime situationship, and later attempted rehabilitation of The Master/Missy. This is another feature of The Doctor’s character: while they do act like they have the final say on what is right, they also compromise that morality for people they care about.

Like how The Doctor surprised Rogue by showing all of his faces, Rogue surprised the Doctor right back by not only being honest about his past but by being willing to accept The Doctor’s compromise. This moment is when The Doctor finds out that Rogue is a good person, and that The Doctor doesn’t need to compromise their morality when entering this relationship.

This heart-to-heart is about Rogue not only winning over the Fifteenth Doctor by agreeing with his values of freedom but also winning over The Doctor overall by just genuinely being a good person. But of course, the moral duty of taking care of the Chuldur rears its head in the form of the TARDIS alerting that the trap is ready. The bubble has popped and we still have a long way to go.

(Plus, Fifteen’s facial expression in this shot perfectly captures that trademark “Oh.” moment, realizing you’re in love with someone but then taping it down to focus back on the immediate problem. Love you Ncuti Gatwa, you do great work)

Alright, now we’re at the dance/fake proposal scene. Oh lord, so much happens here with both dialogue and production regarding character, so let’s take this one at a time. Fifteen, Rogue and now Ruby have figured out the big plot regarding the Chuldur, their obsession with cosplay and dressing up to create drama. In response, Fifteen comes up with the idea to essentially beat them at their own game: create a fake scandal to draw them out.

Now on paper and in terms of beating the bad guys, this is a plan that could and does work, but in terms of his relationship with Rogue: THIS. WAS. A. BAD. IDEA. Why? The very idea of masks and faking not only was the leading cause of them not connecting in the beginning but specifically doesn’t work with Rogue. You can see it in how Rogue nervously looks at Ruby and Emily when Fifteen asks him to dance, and even questions the validity of the plan:

(credit goes to @carricfisher for texted gif, you're awesome)

It’s not just that he doesn’t know about homophobia, he just doesn’t like the idea of pretending at all. But the reason why it doesn’t collapse right away is because it’s not entirely pretending. The dance may function on the surface to create a scene, but for Rogue (and Fifteen albeit to a smaller extent) it doubles as an intimate moment between them. This connects to the choice of dimming the lights in an unrealistic way (which btw, as a film student, had me going insane watching it live). We’re seeing a deliberate break in reality, a dishonest showcase of the story being told, that serves the purpose of highlighting an ultimately honest and sincere act of love. Both The Doctor and Rogue are warping the aesthetic of deception in terms of the narrative by fabricating a scandal, and in terms of the production by changing the lighting.

But of course, things start going to hell right there. Fifteen tries to up the drama and Rogue can’t keep up. Rogue overcorrects and proposes to Fifteen, who freaks out and leaves the room. Now, I don’t want to get into the question of whether or not Rogue was playing along by proposing or being genuine (Personally speaking, I think it was both. 70% true, and 30% fake). Instead, I want to clear up why Fifteen freaked out here. I’m sure a lot of the long-time audience could already guess that it was parallel to River Song, The Doctor’s wife, but I think it’s more layered than that. Why would a reference to River scare the Doctor so much, aside from reminding them of a close person they lost? Because the last time the Doctor got married to someone they truly loved, it involved a 24-year stay on Darillium, which he knew would end in tragedy. Note the word choice here:

“Sorry I…I can’t.”

Not ‘I don’t want this’, it’s a void of agency (which connects to my piece on The Giggle’s ending and freedom). The Doctor can’t have that with Rogue, he was fine with them being casual to avoid the possibility of losing him.

But on my first watch, I couldn’t help getting a little bit cross with Fifteen here, because the amount of ball fumbling on display is outright ridiculous; The Time Lord brings himself onto the dancefloor, with a guy he nearly made out with two minutes ago, gets all up in his face and starts shouting at him to “tell me what you heart wants!” and then completely freezes when said guy starts proposing to him. What in the fuck did you expect was going to happen, bud?! What made you think this would go off without a hitch?

I want to preface this by saying I had a completely different reading of this scene for a long time. My original thought was that Fifteen was trying to do multiple things simultaneously. He potentially was trying to lure out the Chuldur by creating scandal and at the same time, was trying to have a serious talk with Rogue about where he’s at emotionally. These lines in particular have fascinated me since my first watch: “You would ask me to give up my title, my fortune. But what future can you promise me?”. It did feel like these lines hinted at Fifteen’s thought process at this moment, he chose those specific lines to use for this moment. Was Fifteen trying to have an honest conversation with Rogue about their relationship while being fake to everyone else? But that doesn’t make sense considering the previous conversation in the TARDIS showed Fifteen comfortable with the idea of them being casual and Rogue respecting that, so it doesn’t make sense with where Fifteen is progression-wise.

But it wasn’t until writing out this piece that I realized I had it all wrong and the truth was far simpler: this is a repeat of their meeting on the balcony, albeit with higher personal stakes. Let’s take a step back here: What is happening in this scene? Fifteen and Rogue are completely missing what the other is trying to say. Fifteen ignored Rogue being visibly uncomfortable over being back to playing with masks, and Rogue is not getting if Fifteen wants him to be genuine or not. Just like on the balcony and the garden, where both sides think they’re saying one thing when it’s the opposite. Before, both parties were wrong about who they were, now both parties are wrong about what they want.

Fifteen is saying complete bullshit here, not true stuff to their situation but stuff that their audience would react to. He’s being over the top on purpose to elicit reactions. Meanwhile Rogue is thinking he’s being genuine. He thinks Fifteen is, through code speak, trying to genuinely ask him these questions. Which leads him to get down on one knee. And that’s a big problem because Rogue doesn’t know that proposing is wading into a gargantuan trauma pool for The Doctor. This scene is a magnified example of the duo’s problem with masks and not being completely honest with each other.

However, while this scene may have been a cause for regression from The Doctor on the relationship part, Rogue on the other hand has an epiphany. In the scene following this one, we get the truly iconic callback of “Run.” and Rogue taking the Doctor’s hand. Why is this important? Well, there are three specific examples that this moment is calling back to:

Nine meeting Rose ("Run!")

Victorian Clara and Eleven fleeing from the Ice Governess ("I do the handgrabbing! That's my job! That's always me!")

Twelve running with River ("Stop holding my hand! People don't do that to me!")

Nine meeting Rose establishes this idea of protection: The Doctor taking care of someone by leading them away from danger. The other two examples are subversions of that idea: Clara and River are now leading The Doctor out of danger. Same principle here, except here it has a bit more context behind it. Clara and River subverting that act of protection made sense given who they were: Clara as an echo across The Doctor’s time stream knew who The Doctor was and what they needed, even if she didn’t know it consciously when the moment happened. River as The Doctor’s wife also knew who they were and what they needed at the time.

By connecting Rogue’s action of taking Fifteen’s hand and running to Clara and River, it not only again connects Fifteen and Rogue to previous romantic relationships, but it also shows Rogue learning from his mistake. Rogue’s mistake in the proposal scene was him not figuring out what Fifteen needed at that moment, it was a major miscommunication. Now, at this moment, Rogue is starting to figure out what he needs to do. He is, to use relationship lingo, "shelving his agenda" to help the Doctor.

And that progression continues through the last leg of the episode, including the moment when Fifteen thinks Ruby is dead. I’ve always found this moment in particular so fascinating because of how loud it is metaphorically for both characters. Fifteen is taking off the mask of coolness and revealing that Doctor™ anger. This is a complete switch-up from what he’s been like throughout most of the episode. Yet when he lets out that chilling line, “Good. That’s a long time to suffer.” Rogue doesn’t look all that scared or mad at him.

The face Rogue makes here looks far closer to a resigned sadness, almost like he knew that he would have that reaction. Keep in mind that Rogue knows nothing about The Doctor at their worst, all that he knows right now is that they lost “everyone”. Compare that with Donna, who was outright terrified of The Doctor when at their worst (for good reason though).

Rogue isn’t surprised by this at all. He’s not asking “What happened to this person in front of me?”, he’s realizing “This is how much he cares about his best friend.” He’s seeing the depth of this person’s love that is inexorably linked to the depth of his grief, and is realizing he can’t allow that grief to corrupt this person he’s grown to love, even if it means endangering himself. Which is exactly what ends up happening.

This is where the theme of masks finally pays off. At the beginning of the episode, both Rogue and Fifteen are wearing their masks (cold, uncaring bounty hunter, and flirtatious partygoer). Those masks started to come down, but that got messed up thanks to miscommunication. Rogue didn’t understand what The Doctor needed from him, causing their trauma to resurface and The Doctor ran away from having to deal with that grief. This final scene is them being completely honest with each other. Rogue asks him “Can you lose your friend to save the world?”, and Fifteen tells him the truth. He can’t, he can’t let that happen again. And Rogue understands that, he finally knows what needs to be done. And so he kisses him. Why did Rogue kiss him? Again, it’s a repeat of a previous scene, this time the dance. Rogue is comfortable putting on a mask/doing something dishonest when there’s an aspect of truth to it. Even if they danced together to serve a lie, it still was a moment powered by romantic feelings. Same with the kiss. Rogue had wanted to kiss him, so he felt comfortable doing something with an ulterior motive (taking the button from him) because it was also something he would’ve wanted to do regardless of the situation.

But why did Rogue do it? The one line that I kept thinking of in summing up the intent behind Rogue's sacrifice was, ironically, from Frozen: "Love is...putting someone else's needs before yours”. Essentially, shelving your agenda, like we’ve been saying. Back in the proposal scene, Rogue’s mess up was not figuring out what Fifteen needed out of him at that moment. Fifteen needed him to play along in faking and instead, Rogue heel turned into a lot of trauma for The Doctor. So now, after seeing how important Ruby was to Fifteen, so important that he was willing to torture The Chuldur out of grief, Rogue is putting The Doctor’s needs before his own and stopping him from having to choose between her and the world. It's also why Rogue wiping away his tears before the kiss was so crazy because that's normally the Doctor's job. The Doctor is normally the one who turns sadness into hope. This time, someone else is doing that for him.

(credit to ngatwa again)

The greatest act of love in the episode was not the proposal, it was the sacrifice.

To close our tale, let us circle back to talking about Fifteen’s character arc. I opened this essay by talking about Fifteen’s main character flaw being a contradiction: both valuing emotional intimacy and running from it. That doesn’t seem to change by the end of this episode, so much so that Ruby forces Fifteen to take a moment and mourn Rogue’s loss when he wants to steamroll forward. But there’s one little detail left: Fifteen kept the ring. Not only kept it but is wearing it in the season finale to the point of even playing with it like a nervous tick.

That bond, that relationship was so important to him that he doesn’t allow himself to ignore it. It’s only after he has that hug with Ruby that he pulls out the ring and chooses to wear it. Rogue is the one thing Fifteen won’t run away from because what they had wasn’t fake. It was real.

Rogue, the supposed bounty hunter who only cared about wealth, loved The Doctor so much that he was willing to give up his life for his friend. The Doctor, the supposed Time Lord who flees from attachment, loves Rogue enough to remember him every day.

I ask you, gentle readers, how could one resist a love story like that?

NOTE: some extra bits I wanted to include that I couldn’t fit anywhere else: I’m such a sucker for color symbolism, and having Rogue wear blue in contrast to Fifteen’s normally warm color palette, as well as blue being the color of The TARDIS…it just makes me feel things, ya’ know?

Also, by not gendering Rogue’s previous partner, only ever using they/them pronouns, it helps add to the relationship in a social commentary way. It subtly shows that Rogue already has experience/is attracted to people who on some level defy gender norms, which helps prime the audience to buy Rogue accepting/liking The Doctor being able to change gender when regenerating.

Essentially, I'm insane over these two, and I need them back on screen as soon as possible.

#text #meta writing #long post #doctor who #dw meta #doctor who meta #doctor who analysis #fifteenth doctor #rogue doctor who #fifteenrogue #fifteen x rogue

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thefishermansharbor · 2 years ago

Text

Poisonous Jealousy,

The Arcana x GN!Reader

Synopsis: Headcanons about Lucio, Asra, and Portia feeling jealous of how their partner acts with someone.

Asra Alnazar:

Unlike how the rest of his personality is, Asra gets jealous easily and often. He can’t help his possessiveness, so he doesn’t act on it often. He’s good at containing himself.

Asra feels a big deal of guilt for all of his envy, and whether you mind or not, he worries it’ll make you feel uncomfortable or controlled.

He respects you and trusts you to not cheat on him but still he can’t help but overthink a bit before ultimately intercepting.

Still feels guilty about it even if you say he was doing you a favor.

You smile warmly at the shopper. “ Let me know if I can help you find anything, sweetie!”

Asra knew that this wasn’t special, and that you called everyone nicknames – but the way the stranger seemed to enjoy it got under his skin. He couldn’t help but curl his hands into fists as he watched the stranger’s expression twitch into a smirk.

The stranger had a likeness to your lover, except the stranger was taller, and had a mischievous feeling to him. The man spoke,

“ I was just wondering what time you got off work.”

Asra knows you’d never ever cheat on him, but his blood boils. There’s a slim slick feeling in the back of his mind as he watches the stranger inch closer to you. He can’t help himself but intervene.

He walks right in between you and the man, throwing his arm over your shoulder and giving your cheek a quick kiss. The man rolls his eyes, suddenly moving backwards.

“ I’m sorry to say that my PARTNER here will be busy with me after their shift. Maybe another time.” Asra offers the man a polite smile, but under it he’s practically seething with disgust for the stranger.

The man shakes his head in distaste, a little humiliated. “ – yeah whatever, I wasn’t that interested in you anyways.” He leaves the drapey magic shop, Asra’s grip on you only tightening while the man walks out.

“ What was that about?” You ask.

“ Sorry, I really didn’t like how close he was getting. I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.” In part, this statement is true.. But the bigger reason behind it was to satisfy that possessiveness that had been crawling around in the back of his mind. You shrug, and he kisses you quickly. He trusts you.

Portia Devorak:

She doesn’t get jealous at all. Actually, she prides herself on the trust she has for you. She lets almost anything slide, as long as the person she’s jealous of isn’t physically or emotionally hurting you.

But if it’s a particularly bad day and someone is really bothering her - she’ll try to one-up them in some shape or form. They’re talking about how good they are at darts? She’s better and she’ll prove she is.

She also does something nice for you, to prove that she’s the better lover than whoever the other person is.

She’s passive aggressive because she doesn’t want to be outright rude to another person for the reason being only that they were hitting on you.

One of the other pirates was bragging to you about his exceptional axe-throwing skill. From what Portia could see, you were interested in the conversation and were happy to hear it.

Portia smiled, she was so glad you were bonding with the ship crew. But then again, she couldn’t help this inkling of a feeling. Was she jealous? No, no.. she trusted you. She just couldn’t help but think about it. The other pirate was your type, and was far more reliable than the mischievous Portia.

She runs the situation over in her head - she was pretty good at axe - throwing, and she could probably take him in a competition.. She walked over and sat down next to the two of you.

“ Hi my love! What’re you guys up to?” She said excitedly. You began to speak, but the pirate cut you off.

“ I was just telling this beauty,” He winked at you, “ about my expertise.” Portia nodded, her hand taking yours and squeezing it gently. “ – how great!” She smiled so wide it could’ve been a frown.

“ What are you an expert on, then?” She asks.

“ Ax - throwing.” He said proudly, crossing his arms. Portia’s eyes narrowed, still holding that forced smile. “ GREAT. Just GREAT. Should we do a bit of that, then?”

“ That's maybe not the safest idea.” You offer sheepishly. The tension in the area pooling, Portia looks at you.

“ you’re right. Do I ever tell you how smart you are, my love? You’re just brilliant!” She says loudly. The other pirate seemed to be starting to get the hint now. But Portia kept going,

“ You’re also a brilliant kisser. You’re so sweet to me, you’re the best partner I could ask for.” She exclaims, extra sweetly. The other pirate seems a little unsure of himself now, his eyes running around the room.

“ – so, back to you.” Portia said finally, looking back at the other pirate. He stands and brushes himself off, “ well, maybe I should uh.. Leave you two for a moment.”

She nods, and waits for him to leave before kissing you. She felt like a winner when she did that, as if it was some sort of ‘ impress my lover! ‘ challenge that she had won.

Lucio Morgasson:

Will laugh it off at first. But if that person makes you uncomfortable - god forbid, he will cause a scene.

This grown man will do literally ANYTHING to get whoever was hitting on you to leave you alone. I kid you not, this grown man will bark at someone in order for them to get away from you.

He loves you and would do whatever needed to protect you or your honor, but also a bit of his own pride and jealousy can get in the way when he tries to intercept anyone trying to romance you in front of him.

Lucio accepts that you wouldn’t two-time him, but he wouldn’t mind showing off in front of you. He likes it when you’re proud of him.

You were at one of Lucio’s famously good parties. Everyone was happy and excited, dancing and twirling. You were talking to a foreign diplomat, drink in hand.

She smiled widely at you. Most of your conversation was about Vesuvia, but it started to edge onto a bit of flirting..

“ I knew Vesuvia to be the home of marvelous talent, but I didn’t know it was such a hotspot for gorgeous people like yourself,” She smiled, twirling her hair and being extra sweet with you. Lucio had been partying loudly and proudly like he always does, when he caught sight of you being a little too friendly with one of the guests.

He walked over, he thought it was a hilarious and desperate attempt from the diplomat to secure some false friendship. He chuckled to himself, she couldn’t possibly be serious… but then she was.

She was raving to you about how spectacular of a conversation partner you were, and Lucio felt.. Embarrassed? Were you liking it? Would she be better than him for you? Before his thoughts can cloud him, he walks over and smirks at the both of you.

“ How’s the party going?” He asks you. You smile and speak, “ I’m just chatting around, meet my friend, she’s very sweet–” Lucio’s temper breaks, and he takes a deep breath.

He picks you up. Completely up, as if you weigh nothing. “ I LOVE YOU!” He then shouts. A couple guests look over at you three, but most shove it off and go back to whatever they were doing.

The diplomat just sort of stares, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. She doesn’t know what to make of this, so she goes quiet. Lucio then carefully places you down, and glares at her.

“ .. sooo, your name?” He says almost bitterly. She stutters out a response, but it’s unintelligible and really quiet. After a few more minutes of awkward silence, the diplomat walks off defeatedly. Lucio grins, he thinks to himself, that’s a job well done.

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aiura-stan · 10 months ago

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I love the idea that Teruhashi might be thinking this. (I know she isn’t Teruhashi, but still.) It’s so outright aggressive and mean, instead of her more low key “Saiki should be obsessed with me!” thoughts as in canon proper, lol.

Also notable that the first mention of Saiki being markedly different from other people is here: “If a normal person heard them he would undoubtedly have a mental breakdown after three seconds.” Maybe it’s true, probably an exaggeration on Saiki’s part, but it definitely highlights that what he deals with, mentally, is on another level, and he is able to deal with it.

LMAO. this one made me laugh… it’s like yikyak but worse!! like yikyak but including things people wouldn’t even say on there, read out loud… phewww.

Saiki says his powers are “in the wrong” rather than peoples’ thoughts. However, the way he words the second part about how you can’t dress up what’s on the inside strikes me as odd. I was trying to think of the reasoning behind this sort of sentiment that Saiki expresses here, because it repeats later in the manga proper. And I think, it boils down to this incorrect assumption he has, that people’s thoughts are their true feelings. My guess on where comes from is probably either Kuniharu or Kuusuke, who both express a lot of resentment for him. In each of their cases, that really is how they feel, and they make no effort to change it, and there’s not a lot of positive emotion thrown in there either. At least as a child, Kuusuke spent a lot of time actively trying to hurt his brother. And Kuniharu probably did too, if we take all of the examples of him trying to get “revenge” on Kusuo into account.

So it never occurs to him at first that people might have intrusive thoughts, or have thoughts they don’t necessarily believe pass through their heads, or thoughts they ultimately challenge and thoughts that directly contradict their behavior.

Okay angsty rant over lol

‘nother thing that strikes me as funny, not in a good way this time… really now. I have never met a girl who was that jealous of another girl’s boobs. If anything, I’ve met girls who got them too young and wished they hadn’t because of teasing.

Maybe it’s a cultural difference, maybe it’s the fact that a male author wrote this who doesn’t really know (or care) about accurately depicting teenage girls’ concerns in a comedy… anyways.

I beg to differ Saiki… that IS an incredible tattoo and I want to see it… I want that tattoo.. haha. And who cares if some people are bald?? and trans people exist?? Saiki likes to complain about things that do not matter at all. I guess he probably feels like it’s a burden to keep other people’s secrets, or something. He is just a teenager after all.

tbh I kind of wish that Asou had kept this if only for dramatic effect

come on… look at this…

Sigh. I love examples of Saiki interfering with fate just to help someone.

Okay, that’ll do it for part one of this post. Part two in a bit. 💕

#anyways I really need to get back to studying lol #read-saiki #I hope you don’t mind me joining in nopsi #I have been meaning to reread Saiki k for a while and this is a great excuse to #meta #read-saiki 0-0

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shaineybainey · 2 years ago

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 initial thoughts

[ NOT spoiler-free ]

For me, this is one of the few franchises that got better and better as it went along. This third movie was just absolutely phenomenal. As someone had said, it is a great send-off to the movie and the Guardians we've known.

They did a great job exploring Rocket's origin. It really explains why he's never wanted to talk about his past. It was violent and heartbreaking. Nebula's line of "They did worse things to him than Thanos did to me" (or something along that line) summarized it best. You also understand why Rocket can be so violent: it wasn't much because he learned it from the people who engineered him, but because the last time he tried to get away safely, quietly, his friends - essentially his family - all got killed. And the person who caused it was so cold about it. So while he could be extreme, he does it so that no one can hurt him or any of his friends ever again.

Which leads to this other point: Rocket is a grump and a cynic, but deep down he actually really loved the other Guardians.

Adam Warlock! I didn't know what to expect from him, but after seeing the movie, I want to see more of him.

Also: it's great that the movie managed to give Adam his own origin story, his own motivation for why he eventually ended up being a guardian.

Drax was hilarious in this movie, as he always is, but Mantis kinda came for the crown a bit! The fact that she made him fall in love with a sock for fun and made one of the guards they had to get through fall in love with him were some of the funniest moments in the movie.

On a more serious Drax note: "Drax. You weren't meant to be a destroyer. You were meant to be a dad." One of the best lines in the movie. I never would have thought that this is how Drax would "grow up" as a character, but it all made sense. It does.

Kraglin had a fantastic growth too. He'd been trying to train with the arrow Yondu gave him over and over and over, trying to concentrate and plan and think. And he kept failing over and over and over. But when Knowhere was in danger, he finally remembered what Yondu told him: "Fly it with your heart." When he realized that he needed to get out of his head, man did he do some damage. It was amazing.

The bad dog/good dog argument 😂

Gamora. I like how they approached that. They didn't make her fall in love with Peter, even after all the fighting that they did as a team. They were barely even good friends in the end. Also, it's nice that she has a different family to belong to now (the Ravagers) but who still loved her just the same. It's good that they didn't try to change her. They made her realistic.

Lol "You guys are just making up what he's saying" when Groot would talk

Nebula. Oh, man, where do I begin. I've started really liking her as a character since GotG 2, and even more so during Endgame, but wow. She's really grown. She looks after the people of Knowhere, the Guardians look to her for big decisions and even resolution for internal problems of the team. The team respects her, even more than Peter most times. She still has rage inside, and she has trouble expressing other feelings without it, but I think she's made tremendous progress. And it's so obvious that she cares deeply about the team and even the lives of others, even if she doesn't outright say it.

Okay. There's a lot to unearth with the not-so-subtle hints at Peter/Nebula. First off, it's obvious in this movie and even in the Christmas special that Nebula's been looking after Peter. But the fact that she would take him home whenever he was totally wasted and put him to bed, making sure he was comfortable? And when Gamora was going to hurt Peter out of frustration and Nebula jumped in to stop her, practically telling her to back off? And that when Gamora suggested that the woman Peter's describing, the one that he's fallen in love with because she's grown from being ruthless to being caring, is Nebula, and Peter started looking at her differently? Bruh. I don't know what they're playing at here, but alright. I'm onboard.

Speaking of Peter, I like that he decided to come back home to Earth to reach out to his grandfather. I'd like to think he got a little help from the Avengers to get to that doorstep (info, means of transpo, things like that). It was great to see him in a normal life setting in the post-credit, too, where he's just eating cereal, talking smack about someone behind their back lol

Okay, that's it for now. Will come back when I remember the other things I liked (spoiler alert: there's a TON)

#Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 #Guardians of the Galaxy 3 #GotG3 #GotG #spoiler ahead #Peter Quill #Star Lord #Nebula #Gamora #Mantis #Drax #Rocket #Marvel Movies

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rius-cave · 8 months ago

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Most of the headcanons I've seen about Adamsapple in Eden were portraying them having a good relationship, like Lucifer being sweet and kind to Adam, overly interested in him, liking him etc. while Adam being way more innocent back then and of course very curious. While I like the idea of them being in love even back then and having this cute relationship between them, I also like to play with the thought that Lucifer didn't always like Adam (and vice versa). What I mean is, Lilith and Adam never really got along well, they had their constant conflicts and such, mainly rooting from their different personalities, as in I imagine Adam being this kinda obnoxious person who's full of himself, stubborn and doesn't like when things don't go as he wants (not exactly in a toxic way, like I don't think of him as an actual bad person, rather like a big child lol). While I see Lilith as a way more mature and collected person who's had enough of Adam's "childish bullshit". (I know it sounds kinda stereotypical but my goal isn't that lol I can just genuinely see it, also canon!Adam is a walking stereotype so it's hard to ignore it haha)

So, assuming that both of them were created at the same time, when Lucifer started visiting the garden he warmed up to Lilith first, they started spending time together. Lilith regularly complained about Adam, how he acted so childish/talked too much about insignificant things/followed her etc. (again, I don't think she was cruel, she was literally the first woman, had so much to learn and expressed how she couldn't get along with Adam). Lucifer listening to her all the time, and also being fond of her, involuntarily started to develop doubtful feelings about Adam. Of course Lucifer was sweet and kind, he didn't hate the man, but all of Lilith's talk had an effect on him, and Adam's behavior when they interacted just deepened it further (although Lucifer himself didn't exactly find him annoying, Lilith's talk just caused him to focus on Adam's "problematic" behavior more and he subconsciously confirmed Lilith's words).

Meanwhile Adam obviously noticed that Lucifer was spending way more time with Lilith and didn't seem to feel too pleasant about him, he was kinda offended about that and started to dislike Lucifer.

However, I can imagine them interacting at one point, cause like, Adam obviously felt bad about feeling excluded and that neither of them liked him, so once when it was just the two of them with Luci, he kinda snapped and confronted him about it. (I can't really imagine him as a person who keeps it in, I rather see it as he was offended which led to him becoming frustrated and telling it straight into Lucifer's face angrily.) So he told him that he doesn't understand why they both dislike him but it's not fair and he's so much better than them anyway yada yada but it was clear that he was upset and hurt. That would be the point when Lucifer realizes the situation and it would become a turning point in their relationship??

It got kinda long lol sorry

My dear friend, this? This is what I strive for.

I'll be the first person to admit that my characterization of their Eden personas is allllll over the fucking place. My apologies, I try to be better 😂 but I agree with you almost a 100%

I love depicting them as friends in Eden, but if I had to be realistic? In canon he probably didn't care much for him LOL or at least not as much as the fandom likes to believe. I also want to see more of this scenario with an adamsapple endgame, I'd like to do it myself, but to be truthful I wouldn't really be sure how to do it.

I like to think of Eden!Adam as, yes, more innocent, but he was still a bit of a shit, sarcastic and sassy (not an outright asshole, but his personality had a bit of a spice to it ya know?) I try to let this part of him show as much as I can in my newer depictions of Eden, but well I'm not sure if I've succeeded lol

I think that, if he's a brat now, he'd be even MORE SO in Eden. Basically, exactly what you said that he'd be obnoxious, full of himself and childish, just more out of a place of immaturity rather than malice.

I also really like this characterization of early Lilith. Yes, I absolutely see her as more mature and independent, more thoughtful and observant than Adam ever was, and of course those personalities clashed.

I absolutely love the idea of Lilith planting seeds of doubt in other people. In fact, that's a personal theory I have about the current Lilith and why Charlie's and Lucifer's relationship is so stranded. I think there must have been a lot of miscommunication and Lilith, whether on purpose or not, fed a lot of ideas about Lucifer to Charlie. She isolated her and fed her ideas about who her father was and what he thought of her, creating this wall between them that is now only starting to crumble down. So, the idea of her doing the same thing between Adam and Lucifer? Fuck yes. I want Lilith to be a manipulative bitch, whether she's doing that with malice or not LOL.

Adam immediately going head first into confrontation sounds very likely to me too! I'd absolutely agree, except I don't think this would make Lucifer actually realize the situation. Depending on how bad the argument was, I could see Lucifer thinking that oh Adam really is just that toxic or whatever other misunderstanding comes up. They're both idiots and unless Adam expresses his feelings with something other than anger, I think Lucifer would be more prone to bite back, or just simply not understand the deeper issues.

Overall I'm in LOVE with this description though!

#i need a ghodt writer so they can write these characters better for me LOL #hazbin hotel #adamsapple #ask

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bengiyo · 1 year ago

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She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat 2 Eps 17-20 (Finale)

Last week gave me everything I wanted and more. The whole squad went over to Yako's place for a curry party and everyone had a great time. Later, Nagumo got a diagnosis for her condition and got to have personal time with Yako. Kasuga and Nomoto continued to work on their communication and making sure they aren't trampling over each other. They're continuing to work on this move. Seriously, we had a curry party and a s'mores party last week. We planted strawberries together. Let's finish this.

Episode 17

Looking for housing is so stressful. I was wondering if we'd get into housing discrimination in this.

Red beans in Japan are different from what we eat here. Theirs carry a naturally sweet profile that doesn't mesh well with creole cooking.

I feel like those beans needed to boil longer, but that's me thinking in my home cooking terms.

Yes, ladies, tell each other how happy you are to see each other.

@furritsubs thank you for the note about Azuki beans.

I'm really enjoying the way they're handling this situation. The realtor wasn't trying to be homophobic, but the systems he was upholding with the landlord references reinforces the status of same sex households. I also like that they acknowledged how circumstances closet people in ways that hurt them. This is good payoff from the news bit we saw earlier in season with Kasuga.

Getting a tasty treat in before going back into the fray is so valid.

Kasuga being even more affectionate about Nomoto's food now that they're dating is exactly what I wanted.

Episode 18

Oh fuck yeah, let's continue to unpack how structural homophobia makes people scared to share something that should be a joyous occasion.

Amused that Yako is the primary person using Nomoto's given name.

Are we going to have a takoyaki party next??

COME THROUGH, YAKO!!! You gotta help your folks get through this bullshit, but never let them forget that it's bullshit!!

I am relieved that we checked in with Ms. Fujita about divorcing her husband at the same time as we're working through LGBT housing issues. Single divorced women likely also face huge challenges in housing when marriage is the goal we're being pushed into.

Wow, Sayama, you are in contention for the Yihwa Best Girl Award this year. You are an ally. Love the way she examined how what she said might have been hurtful.

Feeling like you somehow failed because you didn't get married in your 20s is so real. I sometimes struggle with this in my 30s.

This show uses its characters to illustrate its political points in a way that feels gentle and accessible, but also carries a sense of urgency. Women are facing extreme reproductive pressure right now, and it's clearly not making those who don't already want husbands and children happier. Hell, it's making them resentful to the point of divorce as they get older.

Hold on. Gotta cry a bit about Nomoto telling Kasuga that being told outright that hiding who they are upset her made her feel better got me.

Episode 19

Takoyaki Party let's goooooo!!!

A party where you cook together like this is always so much fun. We had fun with some friends' kids a few weeks ago teaching them how to make pancakes and letting them add their own toppings before, during, and after cooking.

Nagumo managed to enjoy a bite of food with them. Hold on. Crying again.

We've seen takoyaki a few times lately, and I am very impressed with this cooker.

Yako, tactful as always, is gonna check on Nagumo. I love her.

This is so important. Couple formation does affect the friends around them, and I'm really glad Yako let Nagumo voice that she supports her friends even as she knows she's going to miss the dynamic they've had. Yako is so right to point out that a change doesn't mean it's over, and their friendship will last if we all continue to reach out.

This realtor scene is so good. I like how politely she asked for them to disclose their relationship with the express purpose of securing ideal housing, and we're getting into how the financing of housing can affect people's privacy. She's also owning that landlords can discriminate against couples. I also appreciate that their meeting room was private.

I'm ready for the moving in party!

Episode 20

They got the house!!

A crab cream croquette party!!!

Wait, where's Nagumo? I wanted her to try a croquette too!

We are on the bed together. This is not a drill.

Yes, let's acknowledge that they have liked each other since season 1.

The intimacy question is on the floor!

They are finally hugging!

NOW KISS!!!

That was very sweet, and felt right for them. I'm glad they had that moment in the old place before they moved.

Cried because of Ms. Fujita and Nagumo possibly getting hired.

So glad Yako and Nagumo are still hanging out! That's really how some friends groups will be. Two people will just gel at a party and grow close.

Oh hell yeah we're at casual intimacy now.

I'm so excited to see where the TV goes next season!!

Oh my goodness Kasuga is wearing a lighter sweater!!!!!!

Final Verdict: 10, Go Watch This Immediately and Then Show it to a Friend. Seriously, do not make excuses for yourself. You owe it to yourself to watch this show. Between this, Ossan's Love Returns, and What Did You Eat Yesterday? coming back, we cannot stop supporting our shows about older people getting together and forming their own forms of family. This show built on the foundation of its first season and made every little detail feel so potent and impactful. I did not expect the pen pal to grow into a trusted confidant and core member of this friend group, nor was I expecting the women at the supermarket to help Kasuga as much as they did. This season was excellent, and will be joining WDYEY on my comfort watch rotation.

Big thanks to @furritsubs and friends for making this watch possible.

#Ben watches #tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #japanese gl #gl series

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hughiecampbelle · 2 years ago

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Succession Preference: Them Getting Jealous

Requested: Can you write preferences of the sibs being jealous (Maybe with a younger s/o)? - anon

A/N: Thank you for requesting my love!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Connor doesn't really get jealous. He's very secure in his relationships. He knows if someone is trying to flirt with you or anything like that, you'd politely decline. If they don't listen, then you'd throw your drink in their face. He's seen you do it a few times before and laughed every single time. He's not worried that you'll fall into the arms of someone else just because of a shitty pick up line. Connor knows you love him and he loves you. Maybe when he was younger and more insecure he would have been incredibly jealous, but I think as the years go by, he started to mellow out, find his footing, and feel more secure in his relationships. He's not above going up to someone later and rubbing it in their face, but he only does that when they're being disrespectful. That's when they deserve it.

Kendall, I think, doesn't really get jealous. When he sees someone flirting with you or trying anything with you, I think he spirals. Are you bored in your relationship? Would you want to break up? Is he not exciting enough? What is he doing wrong? He's deeply insecure with everything, but especially about relationships. You love him, he's stuck with you whether he likes it or not. You make that known every time, telling whoever is trying to flirt off. Instead, you're the one who feels the most jealousy. People are constantly throwing themselves at him, especially at parties/bars/clubs. They see money and power and the Roy surname. You're the one wrapping your arms around him, kissing him in the middle of a conversation, calling him pet names. He loves it. He loves rubbing it in strangers faces that you choose him. You choose him over and over again, every single day.

Shiv gets jealous very easily. You're hers. If she sees someone flirting with you, coming on to you, etc. she loses her cool very quickly. She knows that you would never do anything with anyone else, that more often than not you're trying to decline nicely and tell them you have a girlfriend, but they rarely listen. She also knows how nice you are and that you mistake it for them being nice. She'll pop out of nowhere holding your hand/arm/waist with a big smile on her face. She knows exactly what she's doing. She'll call you a sweet nickname she only reserves for times like this, letting you know that she is in fact very jealous. You hold her, grab on to her, making it clear there is something going on here that they are not a part of. Afterwards you joke about it, how she has this sixth sense about being jealous. She can't help it. She wants the world to know that you are hers and she is yours and anyone who doesn't realize that within the first few moments of knowing you guys then they're a fucking idiot.

Roman, despite being flighty and non-committal, is very jealous. You two don't necessarily have to be in a relationship for him to be jealous. If he likes you in his complicated-liking-people way, he gets jealous. When he sees someone flirting with you, touching you, trying to do more than just touch, anyone looking can see the steam coming from his ears. He plays it off as if it doesn't matter, but it hurts a lot. He doesn't want anyone making you feel cornered or uncomfortable and he definitely doesn't share. Immediately Roman goes over to you and tries to scare them away. He makes a lot of not so nice jokes and tries to weird them out so that he can have you all to himself. It especially hurts if it's someone he knows, like Matsson or Mencken, who can see that he has some sort of feeling towards you, but is too intimidated to put it into words. He can't outright express his feelings. It's just not something he is able to do. But he feels jealousy so deeply it pains him.

#requested #headcanon #preference #connor roy #connor roy headcanon #connor roy x reader #kendall roy #kendall roy headcanon #kendall roy x reader #shiv roy #shiv roy headcanon #shiv roy x reader #roman roy #roman roy headcanon #roman roy x reader #succession #succession headcanon #succession x reader

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deadbydangit · 1 year ago

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Dancing with them.

Doctor, Spirit, Pinhead

Doctor

Herman, as classy as he tries to carry himself, is a terrible dancer.

So he's always avoided dancing altogether.

He figured it just wasn't worth his time.

He was a scientist; they didn't need to know trivial activities like dancing.

But seeing you standing there while others danced made him feel rather jealous.

To be able to dance with someone as amazing as you?

That would be a dream.

It was only when others were starting to approach you to ask for a dance did he spring into action.

"May I ask for this dance?"

He sounds confident.

He carries himself as confident.

Inside? He's sweating bullets!

He screwed himself over.

While he's mentally scolding himself, he'll subtly watch others to see what they do.

Adjusting his position to match theirs.

All while he can't look in the eye because he'd step on your feet otherwise.

When he gets too worked up or excited, small sparks jump off of him.

So you're going to get some jolts.

But he's so busy watching his feet, he doesn't realize your hair is standing straight up.

It's only at the end of the song does he realize he's been shocking you.

He's very embarrassed about it.

He'll stutter out an apology before awkwardly trying to walk away.

Grab his hand, let him know that you aren't upset.

Because he really wants to dance with you again.

Spirit

Rin would absolutely love to dance.

If it wasn't so dangerous.

She's covered in glass.

She'll tell you before hand so it doesn't seem like she's snubbing you.

But she's too ashamed to tell you outright.

"I'm just... You know... I'm... Sharp..."

Because she really does want to.

But she would never risk your safety.

Getting cut up by glass isn't what you want to do at a party.

Isn't what you want to do ever.

Trust her, she knows.

But you two could still dance.

It just won't be very traditional.

Maybe she'll give you her arms to put on your shoulders and give you a little more space.

Technically you'll still be dancing.

She's a little ashamed.

She can't give you a proper dance.

Kind of ruins the whole purpose of a dance to her.

If she can't be close, what's the point?

But ask her for another.

That should make her feel better.

You'll spend the night dancing and giggling with her.

She's just glad you took a chance on her despite her appearance.

Pinhead

Formal events such as this were always a favorite of his.

It's a nice break from his usual work.

Meaningless pain and pleasure was enjoyable.

But expressing something as pure and true as the love he was seeing?

It was a welcome change to the norm.

And that's what prompted him to approach you.

Elliot isn't very good at asking you to dance.

His voice is pretty monotone, so there is very little emotion in it.

But his presentation and word choice is very elegant.

He'll bow down slightly and offer his hand.

"May I offer this dance?"

To make up for his poor ability to talk to you, you'll find that he's an excellent dancer.

His movements are very smooth and he never once trips.

It doesn't matter if you're experienced or not, he doesn't care.

If you step on his feet, he'll interrupt you before you can apologize.

"You haven't hurt me. Do not worry about such things. I am not offended nor am I upset."

He also wants to see your face. See your gaze.

"Do not be embarrassed. Look at me. I want to see your beautiful eyes."

At the end, he'll bow respectfully, kissing your hand before walking you off the dance floor.

"Thank you. Do not be afraid to approach me again for another dance. It would be an honor.

#dbd imagines #dbd ask blog #dbd x reader #dbd killer #dbd pinhead #dbd doctor #dbd spirit

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theghostbunnie · 1 year ago

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Fuck it Mitchell ramble post bc I care about his character alot actually (cringe)

Originally played football later switched to baseball and is regarded as a jock type, though his main passion and hobby is being a guitarist. He writes and vocalizes songs but sees it as being just a part of getting to play guitar if he wants to do it entertainment wise, often rock/pop rock lyrics that don't go far into and generally lack emotional depth, in favor of being catchy. He loves the rockstar aesthetic mainly, and the old timey-esc gentleman one secondarily.

A big huge romantic, very flirty personality who prides himself on being attractive. Brimming with genuine self esteem he thinks highly of himself to the point where he can come across as egotistical, in actuality he doesn't outright think he's better than anybody , just has clear self love is all.

He's an older brother and incredibly family oriented who aligns more maternally in the nature of his behaviors alot of the time. For the majority of his life it was just him and his single father so he's always craved that big family vibe he never got.

He's supposed to have a caring/warm/comforting effect on people in alot of scenarios as well as effectively protective so he's physically big as well as literally usually high temperature and I've used the term "swallowed her/his frame in his embrace" to describe him hugging ppl bc they'll like disappear against him/in his jacket

and also the fact Mitchell takes up alot of space, is aware of it, and doesn't like it !! He's incredibly expressive in nature and talks with his hands but almost strictly keeps them right infront of him. He's also heavily expressive in the face, he prefers to not hurt feelings and stay in his manners but cannot have a poker face easily at all. He can only lie believably when the need/want to do so outweighs any guilt.

Has this thing where he doesn't want to hurt people and never wants to come across as violent or scary. I've described him feeling immense guilt in certain situations when he thinks he has and he gets the overwhelming desire to literally shrink himself down but can't. It's a pure insecurity not really based in any truth or any one past event.

Regulates his emotions very well, seemingly has this endless patience.

Mitch has things integral to the person he believes he is/wants to be. Attractiveness, helpfulness, comforting, being main ones. He'd much rather be a "simple" guy despite his dreams of fame, as in easy going and rather not particularly burdened by anything emotionally, very positive in attitude.

Additionally in being characterized as "simple/basic/normie" alot of his personal tastes reflect that, having very on the nose typical "average" preferences and not falling far outside the box of what's considered normal, he's nerotypical and charming and has functioned his whole life in the center of what's considered socially appealing.

He doesn't like to analyze his negative thoughts at all, much rather get them to go away. He doesn't even like to analyze himself that hard at all either, or his habits. He doesn't know why he needs to be helpful, strong, masculine it's just a role he wants to fill and prides himself on doing so.

He's completely unaware to all his flaws, as he's accidentally a little overbearing at times to his loved ones, even unintentionally patronizing in some circumstances, coming off condescending without meaning to. He wants to be helpful and even specifically has this good samaritan "look out for the little guy" mentality but to do so inherently has to make subconscious judgements on who's deemed a 'little guy' metaphorically or literally.

He likes to think of himself as a guy who has no toxic masculinity, and for the most part doesn't, but what he does have is deeply subconsciously internalized and only ever aimed at himself, a certain ideal he has to be.

On multiple levels he's judging himself on a different caliber than other people, holding things against himself he wouldn't for anybody else, holding himself to a different standard on a plethora of things.

As well as his fear of being scary he doesn't want to be perceived as weak either. To his idea of himself a damnaged or hurt person will never fit that, bad things happen to other people and it's his duty to help them as a friend, lover, whatever he may be to them. This isn't to say he thinks there's something shameful on a personal level to being a person who went through something bad, it just is to him. He's not being good enough if he can't get over it.

Has a fear if he ever does something extreme to give either the impression he's scary or wimpy that'll be how everyone present will veiw him from then on no matter what he's done or can do to fix that image before or after.

Despite having such heavy pride in general, especially in his looks and his ability to be charming/flirty and that having an effect on people, his pansexuality is not something he feels much connection to. He doesn't even view himself as a queer person just a "dude who happens to like dudes too" and experiences alot of comphet without ever realizing it and of course never addressing it

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presidentdisastraofgallifrey · 1 month ago

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Updated Favorite Doctors List*

*I don’t actually outright dislike any of them, this is just a ranking

Four: he’s a silly little guy. There is something deeply wrong with him. He’s so mean. Everyone loves him. His pouts are legendary. His adhd is rampant.

Three: literally fruity James Bond with a yellow car he named. He throws fits when his assistant gets a new job. He is a bundle of trauma but in, like, a fun way.

Nine: he is a bundle of trauma in a much less fun way, but he is so, so determined to be kind anyway. He’s angry at the universe. But if he isn’t kind, what is the point? That “just this once, everybody lives” line lives rent free in my head.

Seven: there is something SO deeply wrong with him. He WANTS to just be a silly little guy with puns and a ridiculous umbrella but keeps failing because he’s so full of rage and pain. But also, he cares so deeply on an individual level and will never stop trying. And sometimes explosions are fun.

Thirteen: I get complaints about her storylines but tbh I don’t get complaints about her characterization. Her adhd clicked with me SO much and—much like Seven—she wants so desperately to be fun and silly but is hurting too much to really pull it off. And yet, she has fun anyway. She fangirls SO hard over historical figures. Just as long as she doesn’t have to think about her personal emotions for more than half a second.

Fifteen: he is such a good sort of reboot of the character, ok? He FEELS things. He CRIES. He TALKS about his pain. He also falls in love with the first cute guy to take him hostage, but no one said he wasn’t a mess. He is better but not all the way and I love that for him.

Eight: he’s like. The opposite of Seven. Succeeding at being a silly ridiculous guy in a universe that has no need of such a thing, resulting in some bizarre and horrifying situations. He’s fun.

Five: he is so grumpy. So mean. Just an angry old man in a handsome cricket outfit. And yet he’s STILL a silly little guy and he does actually have a character arc—he’s grown a bit sweeter by the time he meets Peri.

Ten: ok so he’s in the middle now because it turns out I love classic who but he is such a delightful whirlwind of ridiculousness who will melt into a puddle of sadness if he has to sit still for two seconds.

Twelve: he’s only this low because I don’t really care for his early characterization—too much grumpy, not enough silly. But by the time he’s collecting depression hobbies I lon love him and…it’s like he learns to do silly manually the way he learns social skills.

Two: he’s only this low because so many episodes are missing I didn’t even get a sense of his character until War Games, but between that and later multi-Doctor episodes, I love how hard he’s trying to be dignified. Buddy, just give up. You are not dignified.

Fourteen: he’s inherently a little uninteresting on screen because he was only in a few specials, but I do enjoy the fact that from the beginning he’s a little more emotionally open and that he for once in all his lives gets a happy ending.

Eleven: I do have to admit that I dislike his stories a lot more than I dislike his character. His childish adhd is fun. He will explode if he has to sit still. Or think about any moment that isn’t now.

One: in the early days it was more about the adventure than the character, and I just didn’t get much sense of him. He certainly had some delightful moments, though.

Six: look, on screen he’s even more erratic and self centered than usual to the point of not noticing that his friends are in danger. He cares but expresses it so little they aren’t sure that he does. He’s not the only one to bully his companions, but he is the only one to do it to the exclusion of showing affection. The main reason I don’t totally dislike him is still my fascination with his mental state.

#I do feel a like bad because William Hartnell sounds like he was delightful #But I didn’t connect to one on screen much at all #And while I am fascinated by six psychologically #At least in show he is so awful all the time #doctor who #dw #dw lists

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clk-deserves-better · 2 years ago

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Woo Ragi Character Analysis

Honestly, Ragi isn't even close to my favourite member in the cast. I prefer CLK, Ollim or Garam. However, the dude's arc is interesting as hell (entire novel spoilers). This post turned into a Ragikyung ship analysis half way through and is very long so.. be prepared for some rambling.

So, what do we know about Woo Ragi? We know that he is a homophobe who doesn't fully think things through considering how he treats CLK. He looks down on others for being weaker/ less attractive than he is. He's outright cruel and people let him have his way.

Ragi, when CLK first enters his mind, puts him on pending causing damage to CLK's body. Kim Ollim is harsh to CLK and despises him yet doesn't land him in the hospital, most likely knowing that her hatred was not worth sacrificing their goal, unlike Ragi. In fact, no other Red Lotus member calls into contention CLK's purpose when visiting them which makes Ragi look a lot worse. Ragi is the odd one out here, lacking the smarts to realise the rarity of necromancers or the forethought to understand hurting the contractor might risk the future of his guild (especially since he would be able to feel Ollim, Dawon, and Garam's souls attached to CLK). How does he fit in with the rest of the members?

We answer this question when CLK gets stuck with him in that weird pocket dimension. He's not smart, he's not thoughtful but he is obedient to Seo Dawon. Just like readers complaining about CLK, this man is simply being puppeted by Seo Dawon within the guild.

He is uniquely the only member who spent time with Dawon at school. Seo Dawon never explained anything to him and that was just "how he was". He then describes how he and Ollim were the only survivors of a dungeon due to Dawon's advice confirming his already existing attitude. This begs the question, if Ragi has never questioned Dawon due to him not being curious, what was his relationship with Dawon?

He always seems completely overpowered by Dawon: like a declawed cat. He watched on as Dawon dated his crush, he watched on as Dawon's girlfriends harassed him/his colleagues and he watched on as Dawon prioritised CLK over him in all instances. He continues to trust Dawon even though Dawon is an extremely shitty friend to him. Considering Ragi being a horrible person to CLK and all the other members talking about how Ragi always got his way, Dawon is a very strange case. Dawon doesn't even attempt to 'fight back' with Ragi, he just shows his anger and Ragi usually backs down. We have no reasons as to why this relationship exists between them so it is most likely not necessary for understanding Ragi. The two sharing this relationship is the more important point.

The first time we see Ragi seem different from his original impression is the pocket dimension. Ragi carries CLK on his back for hours and simultaneously fights off monsters. CLK is at his weakest in these moments while sleeping on Ragi's back, he's a physical burden who is powerless in all ways. Ragi doesn't try and force him to walk mid-way through or allow CLK to fall off his back. He also physically embraces CLK against his contract when CLK stares down at a dead-looking Lackey although the action is unnecessary to CLK's survival. If CLK is in genuine distress, Ragi does stop being an asshole it seems.

All this doesn't mean he is a loving being while in the dimension. He leaves CLK on the floor crying and begging for him, he attempts to check for injuries on a recently blinded man with no warning causing CLK to feel violated and does still enjoy CLK being in pain throughout. As a little consolation, he does let CLK punch him three times but that doesn't really cover the damage. Ragi isn't suddenly a good person but we do learn that there is a threshold to his sadism.

In the hospital, while he enjoys teasing CLK by moving the fruit away from him and enjoys CLK's expression when consuming Kyungsik's concoction, he still cuts the fruit. By stacking all the fruit for CLK to eat, we see that Ragi is starting to soften up somewhat. The way Ragi breaks his sneering demeanor to tell CLK to continue eating shows that he prioritises CLK's health over his own habitual insulting/ uncaring persona.If Ragi were truly hateful of CLK, he would insult him and continue to eat the fruit in front of him.

For a large amount of time in the book, Ragi stays in this state. Ragi is no longer angry at CLK, simply insulting him without despising him. He no longer seethes in anger at Dawon and CLK. They become more and more of a thing but Ragi doesn't seem to hate the two, only asking them to be affectionate elsewhere. Considering Ragi's feelings towards other partners of Dawon, him accepting CLK is a step out of what he usually feels.

Ragi seems hostile in the beginning but they soon fall into quips and barbs at each other, CLK describes it as a "stand-up comedy routine". The other servants insult CLK and CLK does not fight it yet he feels comfortable doing so around Ragi. Ragi no longer gets what he wants here. He doesn't try to get what he wants either and just allows a rhythm for their interactions to form. There is something different about CLK than most people in Ragi's mind. While this may be mostly down to the system, I'd like to partially believe that Ragi does care for CLK more than he'd admit.

CLK and Ragi's relationship is intriguing. It's the first time we see that CLK isn't overwhelmed by one of his servants. He doesn't get scared of his breathing or crack like with Ollim who was similarly hostile. He teases Ragi as soon as he gets out of the hospital. CLK doesn't let Ragi's demands get to him and the servants seem genuinely delighted by how CLK manages to control Ragi.

You see that their relationship has grown from initial hatred when travelling in the van to Geum Miyoung's slush funds. He has some sort of affection here towards CLK, prodding at his symbol on CLK's ear. The symbol creates a "satisfied" feeling in the servant and so, Ragi pressing the symbol here comes off as affectionate. He doesn't even attempt to insult CLK harshly and says he has a "discerning eye" for liking his face. This is ironic coming from Ragi who taunted CLK for being a "homo" for many chapters. Ragi is changing, whether it be down to the system or his feelings, this isn't the Ragi Dawon wants around.

I believe Ragi becomes aware of his affections for CLK in chapter 304. CLK talks about all the servants looking worried for him: this must include Ragi. Ragi can no longer claim hatred or indifference toward CLK anymore. After CLK tells his servants he is starting, Ragi goes upstairs. Ragi has always been a loner but never to the point of actively leaving his guild's side which means something must have happened. Ragi is trying to hide something from the guild/CLK.

CLK hypothesises this is due to him not wanting a reaction with the blood which is understandable as he is the only servant who has no skinship with CLK and must feel the full effects of the system. This understanding allows CLK to accept his actions and allow what is "more comfortable" for Ragi. In this moment, Ragi's persona is breaking down and he is truly aware of his role as a servant. Ragi cannot insult his way out of the truth or get his way by hurting someone, he can only deny it by hiding what he feels. CLK's words emphasise CLK knows this with Ragi's "glance" back proving that Ragi was caught off guard by his words. CLK understands, Ragi denies it but knows all the same.

As a quick note, let's stick a pin in Kyungsik and CLK's conversation too. Ragi comes up as a person to be wary of due to his lack of affection towards CLK to the point Kyungsik gives him a love potion. The love potion is poignant as it symbolises the belief that CLK doesn't think Ragi cares for him. It is not used until later on so keep this in mind.

For an entire cast development, we watch as the servants give up on resurrection altogether. All of them. All at once. They are all angry at CLK for his self-sacrificial BS and refuse the goal that had previously kept CLK from thinking they prioritised him. It is no longer "we're using you for this goal", it has become clear that they want the best for him in that moment. Ragi is included like the rest of the servants here so I thought it should be mentioned.

After the gang escapes to KHS's mansion from Issac, Ragi teaches CLK the "deadly kiss" move which causes the servant to gain more power if kissed by CLK. Dawon is officially CLK's boyfriend at this point and has made all physical affection towards CLK feel like "sinning" in the words of Kyungsik. He tells CLK to only use the move on him which is.. stereotypically Dawon of him. Despite this, after Ragi gets summoned to fight Issac, he does kiss CLK. This is the first ever time we've seen Ragi make a move that goes directly against what Dawon has told him to do.

Considering how he never has questioned Dawon and has watched Dawon be an appalling human being in general, we know Ragi has transformed here. He is no longer a pawn under Dawon's thumb as he was more focused on giving CLK the potion (his health) than his old position as Dawon's puppet. Dawon seems to recognise Ragi's affection too "Didn't I tell you to maintain a distance from Choi Leekyung " is what Dawon taunts him with. He bites Ragi's lip for daring to go against his orders. Ragi doesn't care now. Ragi may not directly call out Dawon but when push comes to shove, he protects and cares for CLK more than his inclinations to his guildmaster.

The tragic attempt at fighting Jaemin results in CLK essentially resetting the world with only the guild members remembering what had occurred before the reset. Dawon has locked up a confused CLK who lacks all memories except a few about their relationship. Kyungsik and Ragi help CLK get out of the mansion. CLK believes the potion is what helps keep Ragi in line but that is simply untrue. Ragi is resistant to the love potion Kyungsik made and is only helping out of his own affection towards CLK.

Ragi is physically affectionate towards the CLK who no longer remembers yet still gets annoyed with Kyungsik’s insinuation of Ragi’s affection though. He tells Kyungsik that he’s not putting on a “gay show” for him. Ragi is beginning to accept his own affection for CLK but hasn’t yet fully accepted his own queerness. This is all without the contract. Ragi has no system or potion that has influenced his love for CLK here. His love is genuine (so is Kyungsik's but Kyungsik has much more reluctance) unlike Garam, Ollim, Eunji, and Chan Young who all obey their guild master's unethical treatment of CLK.

Ragi has shown he is truly the most reliable. It was revealed that he fought Dawon on this issue and is rightfully annoyed at Dawon pushing the guild out of issues involving CLK. Kyungsik is shocked by this due to Ragi never fighting with Dawon. He has gone against the man who can no longer truly give him what he needs. Dawon used to be trustworthy, even at his worst but Ragi no longer is inclined to believe Dawon still is. The questioning of Dawon's decisions brings him his own independence and the potential to no longer look down on others. CLK has shown Ragi that he can care for people who are weaker than him.

CLK returns to the Jaemin fight via time travel, getting the happy ending this time. CLK kisses Ragi on the earlobe (probably a reward for being one of the only non-cowardly guild members). The book concludes with Ragi confessing his love for CLK on the wedding day. CLK weds Dawon and the two go on a honeymoon. A pretty depressing arc end, right? CLK is happy though so Ragi can only hope to move on.

Overall, Ragi is a character who develops from a crass homophobe who couldn't think for himself to a guy who stood up for what he believes and is able to care for those weaker than him. He finally accepted himself as bisexual and despite all the tragedy of his love, he can move on to find a partner of his own.

#necromancer survival #nezongi #choi lee kyung #woo ragi

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alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice · 9 months ago

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Silver Stars - pt 7 of Weaving Constellations

Part 1 / Part 6 / Part 8

This is an ongoing story of Gale and my warlock Tav building off canon. If you'd like to be added to the tag list to get notified of new parts you can go here.

A/N: In the first ever story I wrote Lyra for (before she even had a name and was just 'The Astronomer'), she developed her own magical powers without the aid of a patron, but her relationship to her magic teacher was so much like a patron/warlock pact that when I used her as a base for a DnD character, I chose warlock. However, in BG3 I really wanted to use the sorlock build, and this worked well for the journey I wanted her character to go on, so I'm very happy to explore this in fanfic since it isn't a thing in game for anyone to notice that you get scales and sorcerer powers overnight.

Tag List: @vespaer77 @odd-dragon

When Lyra wakes, the first thing she takes note of is that everything itches. She starts scratching where the itching is worst: her cheeks and down her neck. At the first few scratches she freezes in panic. That's not what skin feels like.

Her stomach turns at the thought that she might be transforming. Her mind reels, wondering what she should do. Her immediate instinct is to run to Gale, as he seemed rather informed on the process before, and he's less likely to kill her outright like Lae'zel is, but what if the others have transformed as well? What if Lyra loses control around the others and hurts them?

She runs through the list of companions in her mind, trying to deduce which one is least likely to kill her in shock, but also which one Lyra is least likely to hurt should she lose control.

Karlach. She's a trusted friend and that girl can survive anything.

Lyra peeks out of her tent. The sky is just beginning to lighten. It seems Lyra has woken early. She creeps to Karlach's tent, finding the tiefling sprawled out on her bedroll. Lyra almost makes the mistake of nudging her awake, and instead whispers urgently to get her attention. “Karlach! Karlach, I need your help."

Karlach mumbles sleepily. "Sparkles? Wha’s wrong?” She rubs her bleary eyes, sitting up slightly to look at Lyra. Whatever she sees, it wakes her up quickly. “Woah, what happened to you??"

Lyra buries her face in her hands in shame. "Oh gods am I transforming? I need to get out of camp. Tell the others what happened, okay? And that I hope you all stay alive and-”

"Soldier, hang on!” Karlach interrupts. "You- have you seen yourself yet? Last I checked mindflayers don't have scales. Got a good look at several up close so I should know. These are more… like dragon scales really.”

Lyra's brow furrows, and she can feel the way the scales on her skin shift and crinkle with the expression. “But…but I'm not…”

"Sparkles, have you got dragon ancestry???”

"How in the nine hells would I know? My parents didn't mention anything, they were just… humans.”

They were bards though, naturals really at weaving magic into their works. Her mother said it was a family trait, that they have always had an inclination for the more intuitive forms of magic.

Still, why choose to show itself now? She's in danger and under stress surely, but if that were the case wouldn't it have emerged on the nautiloid?

Lyra thinks of the magic that Gale showed her, how it came from within her, and felt so at home.

Well, trials and experimentation, that's what any good scholar will do. She attempts to summon some form of magic that does not come from her patron. She can sort it out easily, that glittery fae glamor that has settled in her soul, and she tries to dig deeper. The first element that comes to mind is cold. The deep frosts that never melt and mists over snow capped mountains. This is not just deeper in her soul, this is ancient.

She directs it outwards to a nearby rock, and discovers with delight as it and the surrounding grass are immediately covered in a layer of frost.

“That wasn't my pact magic, Karlach…” Lyra murmurs with growing delight.

"Are you-”

"I think I'm a sorcerer.”

"Silver dragon, if the scales are anything to go by.”

"What am I going to tell the others?” Lyra asks, suddenly panicked.

“Uh, something like ‘good news everyone I've got even more magic than I thought!’ Pretty sure they'll all take that well.”

Wizards and sorcerers have a notorious rivalry. Lyra hopes this won't change her relationship with Gale.

And oh gods what will her patron say.

Lyra buries her face in her hands, taking a deep breath before putting on a smile. “Yeah, you're right. This is good news! I can't wait to tell everyone."

Lyra goes back to her tent, testing out the feel of these newly awakened powers in her, and rehearsing what she's going to say. She also conjures a few additional cantrips, based on what feels right inside her, just to be absolutely certain this is sorcery.

It definitely doesn't feel like her pact magic. This feels so distinctly her, and it wouldn't make sense anyway for her patron to bestow new powers on her when he hasn't been speaking to her.

Once she can hear the sounds of breakfast beginning in camp, she emerges from her tent. Gale is scrambling some eggs over the fire, his back turned towards her. The first to notice her is Astarion, his eyes that instinctually scan his surroundings landing on her, and he hides any surprise that shows on his face right away. Karlach looks up next, grinning ear to ear. The exhaust vents on her shoulders seem to be working overtime. “Good morning everyone… I uh… have an announcement of sorts.”

Wyll, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel all look up now, varying degrees of surprise and intrigue on their faces, but Gale keeps his eyes on his task, focused on fishing out a bit of eggshell that fell in the pan. "Good morning, Lyra, don't mind me I am all ears."

“Yes, please do elaborate on this most fascinating development," Astarion purrs, eyes flicking from Gale to Lyra. Of course he would enjoy the drama.

“Well, I uh, I have Gale to credit for this, in part, I suspect. You see, he gave me a lesson on channeling the weave last night. And…it just made so much sense. All the way down to my bones. And uh… well I woke up different, as you can see."

“You are blessed to have draconic blood in your veins, an honor that will serve you well in battle. A pity it was not a red dragon, I would have liked to see you sear the flesh of our enemies," Lae’zel remarks.

“This is quite the adjustment to come to terms with, I'm sure, are you sure you're alright to retrieve the druid today?" Wyll asks.

“Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm…better than fine really."

Gale looks up from the pan, first at everyone else sitting around the fire, “Wait, have I missed something? What is this about draconic blood-" he turns to look at Lyra and his eyes go wide. “Ah, that… that would explain it."

Lyra feels her face heat in shame at the way he looks at her. “Does…I haven't had a chance to see my reflection yet, actually. I've only gone off feel and what Karlach told me before everyone else woke up… does it…how do I look?”

“They're like diamonds," Gale breathes, “like the stars themselves have embedded in your skin." He clears his throat, ducking his head. “That is to say, it suits you. I am glad, most glad indeed, to have been a catalyst in unlocking a connection to the weave. A quite different one, than I experience, to be certain, but a connection nonetheless."

Lyra’s cheeks heat for an entirely different reason now, and she smiles bashfully. “I'm still working out these powers. I'll probably rely on what I know today, but they still might come in handy. I feel… stronger. More alive, more myself."

“I can confidently say we are all happy for you, and not just because unlocking new powers will help the rest of us survive this ordeal," Shadowheart jokes.

After they have rescued the druid, and received more questions than answers, then endured the grueling endeavor of fighting a horde of goblins - though with a few well-placed words to the spiders in the cages, and a cunning deal with the ogres, it is certainly easier than it could have been - Lyra is completely spent. The last thing she wants to do is have a party. She would much rather fall on her bedroll and sleep for a day or two, or at the very least curl up with a book by the river and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Yet, she cannot say no to the tieflings. They have suffered so much and deserve a night of happiness before they return to the dangers of the road. Wyll has stolen her planned brooding spot by the lake, he certainly needs it more than she does, she concludes, so she seeks out Shadowheart at the farthest reach of camp, far enough away from the noise of the party to perhaps enjoy a drink.

Then Shadowheart makes a remark about Gale making “eyes" at her, whatever that means. Surely he would not have such intentions, knowing what he knows. Yet still, Lyra, for once, does not feel complete annoyance at the prospect that he would be interested in her. She could never reciprocate, of course, but she admires him enough now that she finds it more flattering than disappointing, and the only downside is that it would interfere with their friendship.

She weaves her way through the party goers, stopping to offer some inspiration to Alfira and check in with Zevlor. Gale smiles warmly at her approach, then returns his gaze to the stars. "It's a beautiful night,” he reflects, "nothing like a brush with danger to make you appreciate the majesty of the celestial canvas.”

Lyra, forever a lover of the stars, sidles up to Gale to see what he sees. Perhaps to point out which constellation they look at. He clears his throat, shifting just slightly at her closeness. "This is a view I once would have enjoyed with my companion, though certainly unaccompanied by such revelry. She preferred it when we were alone, curled up by the fireplace, an esoteric time between us, ink glinting in the firelight."

Ah, of course, Lyra remembers Mystra, and steps to give him some distance. Perhaps Gale has sensed that his behavior has been interpreted as romantic, and this is his way of reminding Lyra his heart belongs to another. “Given what you've told me of her, I'm surprised Mystra would enjoy such simple mortal pleasures."

Gale's eyes widen. “Oh! No no, you misunderstand. I speak of Tara, my tressym, my assistant, and my constant companion through all the trials my hubris has wrought upon me.” He smiles, looking out at the party and the revelers. "She would be impressed by our efforts today, I think, in saving these people. Proud, even.”

He tells her more about Tara, and Lyra is happy to listen. She once spent some time in Waterdeep, and wonders absentmindedly if in another life she might have helped Gale with his condition sooner. They probably never would have met in less unusual circumstances, a proud archmage and a magic school dropout, but Lyra finds that helping him now feels insufficient. She wishes she could reach into Gale's past and ease the pain that occurred before they met, especially when he seems to remark with a guilty tone about how long he has spent dependent on other's help. "It feels good to help someone else, even if it is not true repayment to you or Tara.”

Gale looks down at his wine glass, swirling the contents. "Have you heard from your patron? Since that…debacle with the fey artifact.”

Lyra shakes her head, pulling her arms close to herself in something resembling a hug. "No, I haven't. It's… it's a good thing I have tapped into my draconic ancestry, since I may not be able to develop my warlock powers any further. If he leaves, I'll still have what he gave me, but the waiting is…"

“I know what you mean, that dragging emptiness as you're uncertain what any next day may bring. I truly regret the situation I have put you in, and I am infinitely grateful that you chose to help me. I only wish I could repay you, but I shall endeavor to do so in every way I can."

“Your magic lesson already provided me with a replacement to Midnight's power, so on that front I would consider us even." Lyra strokes at the small collection of scales that sit on the back of her hands. The situation may have also lost her Midnight's love, but she chooses not to mention that.

“Then please, feel free to avail yourself of my expertise and tutelage any time it strikes your fancy. Consider myself at your disposal as your personal tutor every night from here to Moonrise.”

“You may come to regret saying that,” Lyra teases, “I was notoriously insatiable for knowledge in school, to the annoyance of many teachers I’m sure wished to only go home at the end of a long day.”

“I can relate,” Gale says with a chuckle, “and I suppose that is a risk I am willing to take, for such a dear friend.”

Friends. It is a word that carries such warmth behind it, something Lyra hasn’t felt in a long time. She looks out at the celebration, realizing that she has friends. Actual friends. Not classmates, not a patron, not lovers… friends.

Despite all the turmoil it took to get here, and all that lies ahead, it’s a good feeling. It’s almost worth it.

Her tadpole wiggles in recognition and she looks over to Gale, meeting his gaze. They establish a subtle link and the feelings she receives from Gale are almost identical to hers, so close in fact that she almost mistakes them for her own feelings. She leans in closer to him, shoulders bumping against each other as she turns her gaze out to the party with a new view, looking out at the joyful celebration with two sets of eyes. “You’re right… It is a very nice night.”

#alls fair creations #oc lyra #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale x tav #gale x oc #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 tav

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