#never made anything rlly functional before

[zombieshed]

I made my running stitch too big for curved line,,

Now I gotta sew over it

[niningtori]

an iron man | oneshot

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: beomgyu has only ever known how to live function as a rental sexbot. he fucks whoever and whatever comes his way with a forced smile plastered on his face. that is, until you, a self-proclaimed trainwreck, come along.

genre: android!au, sexbot!au, angst, romance, fluff (more than i ever thought i could ever write i fear...), skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)

warnings: very brief and vague mentions of beomgyu being forced to engage in sexual acts he does not want with previous clients, skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)

smut warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming, praise, dacryphilia, sub!gyu

word count: 14.7k (trust i will not be writing this much again if this flops BWNWJSJEJDK)

notes: terrified to post this one because this is probably my favorite thing i've ever written and if it gets a bad reaction i might die :,) also very unsure if this is the best time to post it since it's during kinktober so i'm not sure if the demand is there but i love this work so so much i pray you all like it. if you don't read anything else from me, i hope that you read this bc i rlly care ab it :,) please don't be mean i beg

beomgyu doesn’t know how long he’s been living like this. living is an odd term, too, and it’s not just because “life” is ill-defined for an android, but because to call what he experiences a life feels like a bastardization of the term. his power is turned on at some point, usually late at night, he fucks or gets fucked by somebody he probably doesn’t know, then he does the same shit all over again. so yes, he may be “alive”, but he wouldn't dare to call what he experiences living. living is too precious of a term to be used so cheaply on a sex android who’s made available for rent for the highest bidder of the night.

he’s seen how people live through his scattered vignettes of human life. he only gets them when he’s powered on, but he soaks them up with pleasure because they’re the only thing he’s ever known. some people do it wildly, living unattached to everyone and everything. their lives are not completely dissimilar to his, in a way, except they have a choice in the matter. they have time to find themselves, what their likes and dislikes are, and they get to connect with people in a way he will never have the power to. others, though, live the kind of life he really wants. they live by loving and being loved, knowing and being known. he wonders what it’d be like to know somebody outside of whatever secret deviant sexual pleasures they have. he wonders what it’s like to be known, too, but he guesses you would need to have something for someone to care enough to know about in the first place. he has no such thing.

it’s a night like any other when he’s powered on by a total stranger. he briefly takes in his surroundings and notices that it’s a really nice place, but you wouldn’t be the first rich person to rent him — not by a longshot. next, he takes you in. now, there’s no reason for you to dress up, really. you have no need to tempt him, as he will be able to feign attraction no matter what you look like, but he still finds it odd that you seem to have forgone any effort to appeal to him, if only because most people’s fantasies require them to look and feel sexy; but you don’t look sexy at all. you look like you’ve just gotten home from a long day at work, and honestly? you kind of smell like it, too.

“do you think you could do the dishes for me? i’m exhausted,” you ask with a perfectly-timed yawn. what… ?

he short-circuits for a moment as he tries to think of an appropriate response. he’s never had anyone try to get him to do chores for them, but maybe this is some sort of weird roleplay? maybe you want him to act as a house husband for you before doing the deed, which isn’t necessarily a problem since he’s well-versed in acting, but there’s just one issue.

“i don’t know how,” he tells you honestly.

“you don’t know how to do dishes?” you ask curiously, 

“it’s not in my programming,” he replies. if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s embarrassed because of the way he hesitates and looks away from you when he says it. he can’t possibly feel that, though, so it must just be your imagination.

“oh… that’s alright. okay, do you know how to clean a room? mine’s kind of dirty,” you try. 

“n-no,” he says, and he wishes the earth would just swallow him whole. he’s never failed at living up to expectations, and never so badly, at that. just what kind of fetish is this? 

“that’s okay,” you sigh, and he may not fully understand it, but he can sense your disappointment. “well, what can you do?” and the question is not asked maliciously, but with what seems to be genuine wonder. ah. he knows how to answer this one. slowly, he walks up to you and loosens your hair. you look up at him in shock, but he just cups your face, swiping his thumb across your lower lip. 

“i can do whatever you want me to, baby,” he whispers alluringly. “just tell me how you like it.” you’re so stunned at his switch in demeanor that you forget how to speak for a moment, but you quickly recollect yourself and pry his hands off of you.

“i don’t want you to do anything,” you insist. “i’m just tired. if you can’t help me clean, that’s alright. you can watch something if you’re bored. i think that’s it. well, goodnight.” beomgyu is malfunctioning at the moment. he thinks the gears in his head might be sparking while he tries to understand this new development. you don’t give him time to process it, though. you just slam your bedroom door shut behind you. he thinks he hears you lock it, too.

genuinely at a loss at the thought that he has nothing and no one to do, he sits himself on your couch. he tries not to make himself too at home at first, just barely making a dent on it and scooting to the very edge of the cushion as to not appear to be too relaxed. what if this is some sort of test? what if you’re actually going to come out soon so you two can fuck? until then, what should he do next? thoughts like this plague him until he accepts the fact that you are actually sleeping. your obnoxiously loud snoring is a dead giveaway, and he finally, finally feels brave enough to fiddle with your remote control. 

he scrolls for something to watch. movies and shows have been on as background noise during sex before, so he’s somewhat familiar with them, but he’s never gotten the opportunity to pick for himself or actually pay attention to what's happening on screen. he settles on a romantic movie about a robot who joins human society. the robot falls in love with a human girl, but in the end, the robot has to leave the girl because the town won’t accept him, even after using him. she marries a human man and has children, and eventually grandchildren, too. she still loves the robot even though he’s gone, which he thinks is supposed to make him feel sorry for her, but all he can feel is pity for the robot, who spends the rest of his life alone. 

it’s enough to make him cry, which he shouldn’t be able to do in a non-sexual setting, but he does it, anyway. it’s just so unfair to him. the girl is able to live a normal life while the robot is doomed to be alone forever. why? because he was born different? it’s not his fault that he was invented, but he spends the rest of his time on earth paying for the crime of existing in a world not built for him. the more beomgyu thinks about it, the more wronged he feels. he’s outright sobbing by the time you plop down on the couch beside him. he jumps up and straightens his posture while trying in vain to regain his composure.

“yeah, this movie makes me cry, too,” you quietly remark. he’s silent, not because he didn’t hear what you said, but because he genuinely doesn’t know how to act after being caught red handed.

“can i ask you something?” you ask in lieu of his lack of a response.

“yes,” he feebly answers.

“why are you crying?” you question with a tilt of your head, but something in him tells him that you already know.

“because the movie made me sad,” he admits after a pause.

“are androids supposed to feel things like that?” 

“... no,” he replies after a pause. 

“then why can you?” 

“i… i don't know. just please don’t say anything to my owners,” he pleads. he knows that if the company that owns him were to find out about this, he’d be scrapped in a heartbeat. or worse, they’d analyze him like a labrat to try to find the anomaly within him. his “life” as a sexbot will be over, and he’d really rather be a box of scraps than live as a case study in a lab somewhere. 

“it’s okay,” you tell him with a reassuring smile as you watch him trying not to spiral. “i won’t tell them. it’ll be our secret.” beomgyu has never had a secret to share with anyone before, so he feels an overwhelming amount of excitement at the idea that he will finally have one. his chest feels warm at the thought.

“thank you,” he says with a grateful smile.

“no problem,” you reply with a yawn. “i’m tired, so i’m heading back to bed. i just wanted to get some water. goodnight, for real this time.” 

“goodnight,” he murmurs softly. you return his words with a sleepy smile and go back into your room. he finds that he’s smiling even when you leave. 

he spends the night consuming as much media as he conceivably can before he has to leave. usually, he'd be powered off after he’s done being used, so he greedily savors every moment he can. who knows if he'll ever get this chance again. when you wake up, you're surprised to see that he's exactly where you left him, still watching the screen intently.

“good morning,” you say while stretching your arms. 

“good morning,” he replies. 

“are you ready to be returned?” you ask. 

“... yes,” he lies. 

“okay. i think somebody will be here to pick you up in an hour or so. you hungry?” 

“i don't really eat,” he bashfully answers. for some reason, he's embarrassed at the fact that you're treating him like a human while he's unable to fully act like one.

“oh. i guess that makes sense,” you nod. 

things are quiet until he’s picked up, but it’s not an awkward silence. you sit next to him on the couch as you wolf down some breakfast and let him watch whatever he pleases. when he eventually hears knocking at your door, he feels an incomprehensible sense of dread.

“i think that's them,” you remark, breaking the silence. 

“y-yeah,” he replies. 

“well, it was nice to meet you,” you say, reaching out your hand for him. he’s unsure what to do with it. not missing a beat, you gently grab his hand and shake it. he's stunned at the physical contact, and he's still reeling when you let the man from the rental company in. you have a brief conversation with him before he walks towards beomgyu.

“goodbye,” you tell the android with a smile and a little wave. 

“... good—” and the man switches him off.

-

the next time beomgyu is powered on, he’s in your house again. relief floods him when he realizes it. you don’t seem as exhausted as the last time he saw you. when that was, he has no idea, but if he had to guess, he’d say it was just last night because of the fact that he’s so popular he’s rented almost every day.

“hey,” you greet him with a smile. he’s still feeling relieved before he realizes that tonight might be the night where you ask him to have sex with you. maybe you were just tired last night and had no desire to fuck, but he can tell that you’re feeling more energetic tonight. 

“i didn’t catch your name,” you add. 

“... beomgyu. i’m part of the choi line, but i’m a custom model, so they gave me a name,” he tentatively replies.

“nice,” you nod, and you briefly introduce yourself before asking if he wants to watch a movie. 

“watch… a movie?” is this some sort of euphemism for fucking? it wouldn’t be the first time he’s heard of something like this. as mentioned before, some people like movies as background noise. 

“yeah, you can pick,” you say, casually plopping down on the couch and patting the cushion next to you. he hesitantly takes your cue, and he’s mentally preparing himself for what comes next before you take a blanket and cocoon yourself in it so tightly, it’d be impossible for him to touch you.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, and he jolts a bit when he realizes that he’s been staring in disbelief. “oh, are you cold? do you want a blanket, too?” 

“‘m fine,” he replies.

“are you sure? the clothes they make you wear look a little thin,” you observe with your nose wrinkled, and he feels impossibly small under your surveying eye. “here, i’ll get you some sweats. i think soobin left some the last time he was here.” 

“who’s soobin?” he asks a little too quickly. so quickly, in fact, he doesn’t even have time to process why he even asked.

“my friend. stay here, i’ll grab them for you.” 

when you return, you have a long pair of sweatpants in hand and a big t-shirt. 

“you can change in the bathroom. it’s down the hallway and to the left, okay?” he nods in response.

he strips his clothes off as best as he can, and it feels like he’s shedding a second skin. when he’s finished undressing, he pulls on the clothes you gave him and stares in the mirror. it’s in his programming to always be mindful of how he looks, but he feels especially self-conscious now that he’s wearing a normal outfit. he fixes up his hair and clears his throat before exiting your (messy) bathroom and making his way back into your living room. he finds you fiddling with your phone before you look up at him.

“took you long enough,” you tease, and he blushes, which stuns you. just how human is this guy?

“s-sorry, i —” 

“hey, i’m just kidding. you’re fine. you look pretty good in those clothes — soobin would be jealous,” you chuckle. his ears perk up at the mention of soobin again. is he your boyfriend? he must be. why else would he have clothes at your house? is that why you don't want to sleep with beomgyu? because you have someone already? if that's the case, why rent him at all? but he is not brave enough to ask these questions, so he settles for a soft “thank you” and returns to his spot on the couch.

you toss him the remote and he catches it with ease before unsurely flipping through your streaming services. he finds something that piques his interest and turns to you with an uncertain look before you nod encouragingly. he selects it and lets it play. he doesn’t mean to, but he finds himself sinking further and further into the cushions as it progresses. 

it’s a sweet movie — a romantic comedy about an amnesic woman whose memory is wiped clean every morning, but a man falls in love with her, anyway. she never remembers him, so he has to make her fall in love with him in a new way every day. he finds himself smiling throughout it, but a particularly funny scene has him actually laughing for the first time. it’s a squeaky sort of thing, and he has never laughed before, so he’s somewhat surprised as it leaves his throat. he looks to you in trepidation, but you just smile warmly and respond with a soft chuckle of your own. he finds that he looks to you every time a new development occurs, and you always answer encouragingly. 

the end of the film surprises him. it’s bittersweet in that she never does get her memory back, but the man makes a video recounting their entire love story for her to watch every time she wakes up. it ends with them living happily together in spite of everything, and it’s enough to make him sob. he turns to you and sees that you’re teary-eyed as well, but you seem to be enjoying his reaction so much that there’s still a grin on your face. after the film ends, you can tell that he has something on his mind.

“what’s wrong? didn’t you like it?” you gently ask.

“i did. i just don’t understand,” he replies timidly.

“don’t understand what?” 

“why he would do all of that for her, i guess,” he says. 

“because he loves her. when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you always find a way,” you tell him, and the sentiment seems to strike a chord within him.

“even if they’re that different?���

“of course.”

-

beomgyu spends the following nights with this same routine. he’s switched on, sees you standing in front of him with a smile, gets comfortable, and watches as much media as he possibly can while you two chatter away about every scene. he learns much more from it than he ever did from experience with his previous renters, and he finds himself becoming more and more emotional by the day. you never try to question him or press him to explain any of his feelings, and it just makes him feel even more comfortable with you. 

one day, he even feels comfortable enough to ask you a question. the question. 

“can i ask you something?” 

“of course! what is it?” you reply in earnest. beomgyu has never directly inquired about you.

“why do you rent me? i mean, i know we watch stuff together now, but why rent me in the first place?” and even when he feels exponentially more at ease with you than he ever has in any other context, he’s still nervous when he asks it. 

“oh, my friend did it as a joke, i guess,” you shrug. “he thought i needed to get laid or something, but i’m not into stuff like that, so i just thought i’d ask you to help me clean. obviously, that’s what i actually need,” you giggle. what he feels at your words can only be described as disappointment. “stuff like that”? so you’re not into sleeping with sexbots? is it because you find them disgusting? is it because you find him disgusting? he’s not sure what he expected, but this wasn’t it.

“oh. so why don’t you buy a cleaning bot?” he asks softly, and while you are usually pretty perceptive of his emotions, you don’t register the fact that he’s at a loss right now.

“i dunno. my parents were always against that sort of thing. they thought it was wrong, i guess, so i didn’t grow up with them like everyone else did. i didn’t really have an opinion on them until i met you,” you tell him while grinning and lightly nudging him with your elbow. he tries his best to smile because, in theory, your words are really sweet. you see him as more than just another android, so why does he feel like that’s not enough? 

the fragile connection you two have made seems even more fragile now. at least, it does to him. you only met each other because of a joke your friend just so happened to make, not because of fate or the divine intervention that he always sees in the movies. maybe in another world, your friend rented a different sexbot. maybe you’d even treat them the same way you treat him. the thought alone makes something ugly burn in his chest. 

still, you are oblivious to the internal war raging within beomgyu. 

“hey, i’ve got an idea,” you tell him, and he perks up a bit. “have you ever listened to music?” 

“not really,” he replies solemnly. people have played it in the background of their sexual escapades, but he hasn’t really gotten the chance to listen the same way humans do. you finally register his crestfallen appearance, but you chalk it up to him feeling like he’s missing out. 

“why don’t we listen to some? i can play a bunch of different genres so you can find what you like,” you suggest, and he agrees to it. truthfully, he doesn’t fully understand how music can be better than movies and shows, but he is curious to find out what makes it so special. 

and special, it is. he doesn’t like every song you play, he realizes, but that’s only natural given how different they are from each other. he finds himself being drawn to the more emotional and moody ones, but he can’t help but enjoy the way you quietly sing and nod along to the more upbeat tunes. 

as you continue to sit together, you begin to fiddle with your hair. you’re scoffing and loosening it for the umpteenth time before you’re about to give up, but beomgyu stops you.

“let me do it,” he says.

“do you know how?” 

“i think i can. i’ve been watching you,” he says simply.

“... okay.” 

you turn your back to him to give him access to your hair and he scoots closer to you. closer than you’ve ever been. his touch on your head is careful as he gently gathers your hair and begins to braid it. you’re not sure how much time passes because he’s actually quite slow, but it’s relaxing all the same. you find yourself softly humming to the tune of the song playing. the lyrics are a little dark, but you follow along in earnest, and beomgyu thinks he finally understands why people like music so much. for moments like this. he tries to soak up every detail he can, from the way the light hits your frame to the melody you hum, and he wishes this moment could last forever.

but you only have so much hair, so the moment does have to end, eventually. he ties up your hair and you pull out your phone camera to admire his handiwork. admittedly, it’s a lot better than anything you could’ve done. it seems that he’s a fast learner.

“this looks perfect! thanks, beoms,” you say warmly. he’s stunned for a second at the nickname.

“beoms?” 

“yeah, like beomgyu. beoms,” you say with a casual shrug, and something in his chest blossoms. “i give all of my friends nicknames.” and something in his chest explodes at the title of “friend”. 

“you do?” he asks excitedly.

“yeah. like, i call soobin ‘soobinie’ or ‘soobie’, sometimes,” you giggle, and the bloom of hope in his chest dies with it. 

“are you two close?” he asks, even though he knows the answer will probably hurt him.

“very. he’s my best friend,” you answer fondly. oh. you’re beomgyu’s best friend — you’re beomgyu’s only friend, and tentatively at that. the idea that the deep connection he feels with you is even deeper with someone else, at least in your eyes, makes him feel sick. do you let soobin play with your hair? do you hum along to songs you’ve shown him while he does it? do you smile at him after he’s finished and compliment him on his skills? probably, probably, probably. the ugly feeling that was previously completely foreign to him now takes its usual place in his chest, and it makes his stomach hurt so much that if he could vomit, his metaphorical dinner would be all over the floor.

“oh,” is all he can say. 

-

days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, but every time beomgyu awakens, he finds you smiling up at him. this can’t be good for your bank account — he’s quite expensive to rent, after all — but he’s far too afraid to actually bring it up. what if you realize just how much money you’re sinking into him and want to stop renting him? what will he do if you don’t want him anymore? he feels an incomparable sense of dread at the thought. 

he prepares to sit on the couch and watch something, listen to music, or even play a video game with you. you two have gotten into them recently, and he’s discovered that he very much enjoys playing with you, even when you’re yelling at him and demanding that he stop letting you win. he can’t help but grin when he thinks about it. you start playing a song, and you do, indeed, invite him to sit on the couch, but you don’t sit down next to him and start babbling away about your day like you usually would. 

“do you think you could do me a favor?” you ask. 

“what, do you want me to wash your dishes?” he jokes, and you share a laugh before you say your next words, but all laughter and joy is profusely sucked out of him when you say them.

“no, smartass, but can you braid my hair for me? i’m going over to soobin’s tonight, and i want it out of my way.” 

“soobin’s?”

“yeah, it’s been a while since i’ve stayed the night, and he said we’re way past due for it,” you tell him, and the world as beomgyu knows it comes crashing down around him. 

“you’re staying the night with him?” 

“mhm. he’s right, it’s been too long; but don’t worry, i bought a pass so you can play video games online. there’s even a headset so you can talk to people, if you want. maybe you’ll even make some friends,” you say while playfully waggling your eyebrows. beomgyu’s silence is pensive, to say the very least, and you worry that he’s apprehensive of making a friend that isn't you. 

“seriously, you might like it. it’ll be good for you to meet more people, honestly. i’m sure it’s driving you crazy to only have me to talk to,” you jokingly add, but to beomgyu, it’s the worst joke he’s ever heard. no, it does not drive him crazy to only talk to you every day. in fact, even though he’s not conscious during the time you spend away from each other, he thinks, deep down, that he still somehow misses you when you’re apart. and no, he does not think he needs to have anyone but you. you are more than enough for him, so how could you ever think he needs more? again, he is taunted by that same strange and implacable feeling he’s been having ever since he met you, yet he can’t quite put his finger on it, even when he nods and tells you that he’ll try making new friends. 

but as he brushes out your hair and you sing along to the words:

"i’m glad i didn’t die before i met you

but now i don’t care

i could go anywhere with you

and i’d probably be happy"

he finally understands what that feeling is. that warm, all-consuming feeling. that feeling of comfort, safety, and unconditional understanding. that feeling of infinite curiosity about the other person. that feeling of wanting to known and be known in a way so profound it physically aches. 

yes, as he gathers your hair and ever-so-gently twists it in his hands in preparation for you staying the night with a man you clearly prefer over him, the feeling becomes clear as day. love. what he feels for you is love — an emotion he should never be able to even fathom, yet he does. 

and it makes him loathe himself to a degree he never thought he was capable of.

he’s so put off by this sentiment, he almost can’t finish the braid because his hands are shaking so much, but somehow, he finishes, anyway. 

“are you done?” you ask as you fiddle with your hair and look back at him.

“mhm,” he replies. 

“yay! thank you!” you say giddily. 

“you’re welcome,” he mumbles. you’re not stupid, so you notice that something is off about him, but you just assume it’s because he’s nervous about being left alone to make new friends. you feel guilty in a certain sense, but it’ll be good for him to branch out and meet new people, so you tuck the feeling away as best as you can before packing your nightly essentials and getting ready to leave.

“i’ll be back tomorrow morning,” you tell him, and he only nods with his lips pursed, which makes your heart feel sour.

“try not to miss me too much,” you tease, but it doesn’t seem to cheer him up in the slightest. 

“have fun,” he replies weakly, and your previously sour heart now kind of aches, but you have to do this for him. you can't always be beside him for everything, right? besides, it's only for the night.

you open the door to leave, but before you go, you turn back to him and he senses hesitation in you. before he can question it, you’re opening your arms, and his eyes widen when he realizes you’re inviting him in for a hug. you almost regret doing it as soon as you open them for fear of making him uncomfortable, but he embraces you before you have time to process such feelings. on beomgyu’s end, he has always been wary of touch for obvious reasons, but he gravitates towards your open arms like he was meant to be in them.

he rests his chin on the top of your head for a moment and you spend an unknown length of time just standing with your arms wrapped around each other. 

“i’ll miss you,” you admit, and before you can smack yourself for being so dramatic and sentimental over what will ultimately only be one night, you can swear you feel his grip tightening even more around you.

eventually, you break away and look up at him with a smile. you ruffle his hair and promise to see him later, and he answers you with a nod. then, you're leaving and locking the door behind you.

immediately, beomgyu feels a sense of loss he’s never felt before. after all, to experience loss, you must have something worth losing in the first place, and he has never had anything like that. at least, not until you. so he stands at the door for who knows how long, just like a puppy waiting for his owner to get home. 

-

soobin can sense you’re out of it before you even finish crossing through his doorway, and it puts a halt to your typically overdramatic greeting. 

“what’s the matter? are you feeling okay?” he questions concernedly as he pulls you in for a hug. you nod before you break apart from him and walk through the threshold. 

“y-yeah. it’s just, i don’t know, i guess i just feel bad about leaving beomgyu all by himself,” you tell him as you plop down on his couch. 

“the android you’ve been renting?” he asks incredulously. “i’ve been meaning to ask you about that, actually. why’re you renting it so much? i barely even see you anymore. is the sex that good?” 

“you know i don’t use androids like that,” you snap in annoyance, partially because he’s calling beomgyu “it”.

“i know, which is why i’m so confused. why rent it in the first place if you’re not getting anything out of it?” 

you struggle to answer his question. you promised beomgyu you’d keep his secret, but you trust soobin, and you know he won’t judge him, or worse, report him. besides, it’ll be good to have an unbiased third party weigh in on the situation. with this in mind, you tell him about beomgyu, skipping over some of the more personal details. he’s in disbelief at first and actually thinks you’re just fucking with him, but as you tell him more and more about the time you’ve spent together, his smile falls and his face turns serious. 

“so that’s why i feel so guilty about leaving him alone,” you finish with a deep sigh. he’s silent for a few moments before collecting his thoughts.

“god, i can’t believe this is actually happening,” he whispers.

“i know. it’s insane, but it’s true. he’s just so… human. you should've seen the way he looked at me when i told him i was leaving. i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone look so sad before.” 

“well, you’re right about him needing to make friends,” he says with a nod, and it validates all of your misgivings about leaving him alone. “but don’t you think you should, i don’t know, think about what all of this means?” 

“what do you mean?” you ask, and in that moment, he knows you have no idea about the way beomgyu probably feels about you. he’s not 100% confident in his deductions, but the way you describe how beomgyu acts around you pretty much tells him everything he needs to know. 

“i mean, you basically have a completely sentient creature who relies on you for everything. if he’s as human as you say he is, then he can probably feel everything that we do. right now, i’d guess that he feels like you’re all he knows.” and the sneaking sense of guilt that was previously threatening to creep up on you is now completely overwhelming. you’re all he knows. and you left him all alone to fend for himself and make his own friends. yes, he needs to learn how to make connections, but how could you expect him to know how to do that? it took weeks for him to finally seem comfortable around you, so how could he possibly know how to make them on his own? moreover, even though it's nothing to you, you're his entire world. he must feel like you abandoned him.

“i’ve gotta go,” you mumble.

“what?” he asks. 

“i–i’ve gotta go home,” you repeat as you hurriedly stand up and hug him goodbye. 

“wait! i think you should —” 

“love you, bye!” you shout as you book it out of the doorway. 

-

when you return home, you open the door to see beomgyu listlessly staring at the television screen. when he hears you, he turns to look at you with watery eyes. he looks so lost in this moment, and all of your suspicions are confirmed.

“beoms, i am so sorry,” you tell him as you rush over and throw your arms around him. 

“for what?” he asks with a gulp as he stays in your embrace, shakily wrapping his arms around your waist.

“i’m sorry for leaving you all by yourself. i thought it was just for one night, so it’d be alright, but you don’t have anyone but me right now; and i realize that it’s unfair for me to expect you to meet other people all on your own when you’ve never had to do it before. if you want friends, i’ll help you, okay? i’ll be there with you as you do it,” you tell him, and you feel his body trembling. 

“i-i’m sorry. i know it’s not a big deal, but when you’re not with me, i feel so scared. i… i don’t know how to do anything by myself. i’m s-sorry i need you so much,” he whispers, and your heart breaks. 

“don’t be sorry,” you say gently. “how about this: i’ll join you online and we can talk to people together. then, when you’re ready, you can start hanging out with my friends in person, too, okay? we can keep going until you don’t need me anymore.” beomgyu outwardly agrees, which seems to put you at ease, but there’s just one issue: he’ll always need you.

-

gaming online is actually really fun, but making friends is hard for someone like beomgyu. he’s quiet and a little awkward at first, but after a few nights and with your help, he finally warms up to the people he games with. he gets so comfortable, in fact, that he’s even able to shit talk with them a little. 

“fuckkk, that’s so unfair!” his new friend, kai, wails over the headset. 

“it’s not unfair, you just suck,” beomgyu chuckles, and kai whines again. you laugh at their interaction before kai continues.

“how are you so fucking good at this game? you’ve only been playing for a few nights, and you’re already better than me!” he pouts. 

“i’m just gifted,” beomgyu boasts.

“very true,” you add, and he beams, but kai’s next words throw him off-kilter.

“whatever. stop asking your girlfriend to argue with me — you two make me sick,” he jokes with his signature maniacal laugh, but the two of you are too stunned to laugh along. you look at each other in sheer embarrassment, and you can see beomgyu’s ears turning bright pink beneath his blond hair. you’re not sure why you feel so mortified, but you do. this is beomgyu, for god’s sake. there’s no earthly way you could ever see him in anything other than a purely platonic way, so why does your heart feel uneasy at the notion? while you’re still too stunned to speak, beomgyu tries to pipe up and respond.

“sh-she’s — we’re not, uh —” 

“damn it!” kai yells as his character dies yet again, and any momentum beomgyu previously had to clear up the misunderstanding is killed stone dead in its tracks. 

he turns to look at you unsurely, but the awkward moment seems to have passed for you as you laugh at kai’s character’s death. if only he could be as unfazed.

after kai goes offline, you two decide to quit gaming for the night. you turn to beomgyu nervously, and he immediately knows that you’re going to say something serious. he hopes beyond hope that it’s not about what kai said.

“can i ask you something?” and his heart sinks. oh god, you probably caught onto his feelings. he’s not sure he has the confidence to tell the truth, but how could he lie to you?

“y-yes,” he replies, voice a bit unsteady.

“okay, you can say no if you want, but soobin invited us to a get together he’s having pretty soon. it’s not anything too crazy, so there’ll only be a few of us. i think it’ll be a good start for you. maybe you’ll even make some new friends, you know?” he’s silent at your words just out of sheer shock. he’d definitely missed the mark when guessing your intentions. 

“it’s okay to say no,” you hurriedly add, “but my friends are really nice, and i’d be with you the entire time. even if you don’t talk to anybody, you can talk to me.”

“okay,” he agrees before he can even really think about it. he guesses he’s just relieved that you still don’t know about his feelings, but part of him aches even still. 

“really?” you ask incredulously. “oh my god! i have to tell soobin — he’ll be so excited!” you babble, and his lips curl upwards at how happy you are. he wishes he could always make you happy like this, and it seems that he’d agree to absolutely anything if you were the one asking.

-

work has been especially taxing today, which is nothing new, but you have this insatiable suspicion that something feels… off as you finish up for the day. as you’re about to head out for the night, you wonder what beomgyu will want to do once you get home. maybe he’ll want to play games with kai, or maybe he’ll want to watch a movie with you. maybe he’ll let you cuddle up to him for warmth, which he’s been very willing to do, lately. the unspoken rule that you two will never touch has become blurry for some reason, but you’re pretty touchy with all of your friends, so it only feels like a matter of course to you. 

you’re thinking about all of the potential ways tonight could play out when it hits you: you didn’t reserve beomgyu. you spit out a curse and hurriedly take out your phone to book him, but it’s too late. he’s already assigned to someone for the night. fuck.

when you get home, you’re anxious beyond belief. you haven’t spent a night without beomgyu in months, but more importantly, he hasn’t spent a night without you. you try not to think about how scared he will be when he’s powered on in a stranger’s home. you hope he’s able to just switch back to his initial programming, but somehow, you just know it won’t be that easy. you feel sick with worry when you think about how someone so human will have to involuntarily turn his feelings off and pretend to enjoy something he’s being forced to do — with no compensation, no less. he must think you abandoned him. he must think you don’t care about him. how could you forget to reserve him when he needs you so much? fuck how busy you were with work, his wellbeing should have been your first priority.

so you sit and watch the hours tick by. you try to relax. you try to tell yourself it’s only for one night, and he’s been doing it for years, but something just feels wrong, wrong, wrong. you’re about to try to force yourself to go to sleep so the night ends more quickly when you hear a rapid knocking on your door. it’s strange for someone to call on you so late, indeed, but when you look through your peephole, you see none other than the very boy you’ve been worrying about. 

“beomgyu?” you say incredulously when you swing open the door. immediately, he embraces you, and you feel hot tears streaming down your neck as he nuzzles his face into it. you hold him as best as you can as you rub circles into his back and try to shush his cries.

“it’s okay, i’m here,” you tell him, and he whines. you try to break away to get a good look at him, but he just pulls you in even closer, as if you’re his only lifeline in this world, and in a way, you are.

after his breathing slows and his sobs die out, he reluctantly parts from you, so you hold his hand and lead him to your couch. his eyes are swollen and bloodshot while his nose is a bright pink, but he never once takes his eyes off of you for fear of letting you out of his sight. in his mind, you can’t leave as long as he can see you.

“are you alright?” you tentatively ask, hand still holding his and soothingly caressing it in an attempt to calm him down. he goes to nod before stopping himself and shaking his head in the negative. your eyes soften even more at the action.

“do you want to talk about what happened?” you try, and he nods before clearing his throat.

“i, um, i woke up and i was at this woman’s house. she… she wanted me to get undressed, but i didn’t want to, so she started doing it for me.” you wince at his words, but he’s not finished yet. 

“she kept touching me, and it was so disgusting i just — i just couldn't stand it, so i ran away and came here. i don’t mean to make your life harder, and i won’t ask for you to stay the night with me anymore, but if you could just let me stay here, i promise i’ll learn how to clean or do anything you want. please, just don’t make me —” 

“beomgyu, stop it,” you say softly, but firmly. “you are not making my life harder. you can stay here as much as you want and do whatever you want while you’re here. i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean for this to happen. i was just so busy with work, and by the time i realized it, somebody had already booked you. i promise you that it’ll never happen again, okay? so you don't have to be afraid. i’m not leaving you, and i won’t let anyone hurt you, either.” 

you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone look so relieved before. it looks as though you just saved his life, and to beomgyu, you essentially did. he holds your hand even tighter, as if you’re the only thing keeping him from falling off the face of this planet. 

“wait here, i’ll get you some clothes,” you say gently, but as you go to leave, he holds you even tighter. your eyebrow quirks in a silent question at his actions, and he looks sheepish for a moment before saying his next words.

“c-can we just stay like this for a bit? just for a little while? i’m still scared,” he mumbles, and your heart melts.

“of course. come here,” you beckon, and he falls into your arms and rests his head on your shoulder, breathing your scent in as he tries to imprint this moment into his hardware. you stay like that for a while before you finally convince him to change out of his uncomfortable clothes. he reluctantly lets you go, and his eyes follow you everywhere you walk. 

that night, you stay up later than usual to spend more time with him. he stays glued to your side and ensures that he’s always touching you in some way, which is endearing in a way you can’t seem to put into words. when you’re about to head to bed for the night, you swear you hear him whimper, but he lets you go, anyway. as you lay your head down and get comfortable under the covers, you hear a timid knocking on your door. you call him in, and his gaze shyly flickers between you and the floor. 

“c-can i stay with you tonight? i won’t bother you, i swear. it’s just — i just still feel weird. y-you can say no! i just thought that —”

“come here,” you softly interrupt, and he doesn’t hesitate to listen. he closes the door behind him and shuffles towards you, stopping uncertainly at the edge of the bed in a silent plea for permission to enter it. you feel a weird, warm feeling in your chest when he does it. you scoot over and pat the open space next to you before he gathers enough courage to slide in. you cover him with your blanket, and he stiffly accepts it. you giggle at his awkwardness and cuddle up to him, placing your arms around his waist before thinking better of it. how could you just invade his personal space when he’s clearly traumatized? you go to remove your arms and scoot away before he firmly locks you in place.

“it’s okay,” he whispers, settling himself into your embrace and mindlessly toying with the ends of your hair.

“are you sure?” you ask.

“i’m sure.”

it isn't long before beomgyu hears your breathing slow down, and eventually he hears you begin to snore. he smiles at the sound. he can't really sleep, but he's perfectly content with watching you rest. he continues to play with your hair, and you nuzzle into his touch every so often. he doesn’t want to repeat the events leading up to tonight, but he would do it all over again — any number of times — with a smile on his face if it meant he got to be with you like this again. 

-

the next morning, beomgyu waits for the usual delivery guy from the company to pick him up, but it’s currently way past the usual pickup time. he’s most certainly not complaining, but you don’t seem even remotely fazed by the matter. however, while you’re casually flipping through your streaming catalog literal hours after he’d already be gone, he can’t stop himself from asking:

“um, d-do you know when i’m being picked up?” you pause, and he worries that he may have said the wrong thing before you turn to him.

“do you want to be picked up?” you ask solemnly.

“n-no! of course not. it’s just, you know, i’d usually be gone by now, so i —” 

“do you want to stay here? with me, i mean,” you interrupt.

“i… i do,” he replies with a gulp. usually, that’d be all you get from him, but it feels like the perfect opportunity to be honest about his feelings. “i always want to stay with you, but i know i’m expensive, and i don’t want to be a bother.” he looks ashamed as he admits it, but if he had the courage to look in your eyes, he’d note the fondness that lies within them.

“i told you that you’re not a bother to me. i also told you that you could stay here for as long as you want, remember?” and he does, so he nods. 

“alright. i meant it when i said it last night, and i mean it now. if you want to be here, you can stay for as long as you’d like. you don't have to worry about your owners anymore, i promise.” and he thinks he’s never seen you as serious as you are now. he wonders what you mean before it dawns on him.

“you… did you buy me?” he asks in disbelief.

“y-yeah. i’m sorry, it sounds so gross when i hear it out loud, but that doesn’t mean that i own you or anything. what i really wanted to buy was your freedom, so you can stay as long as you want, but that also means that you can leave whenever you want, too.”

“i’m so sorry,” he says in a hushed, hurried tone. “i know i'm expensive. i’m really sorry.”

“money is not an object to me,” you dismiss in faux arrogance with a wave of your hand in hopes that it’ll lighten the mood, but beomgyu can’t stop the tears from falling over his waterlines, and you’re afraid your attempt to help him only made him feel more indebted to you. all worry is promptly washed away when you feel him pull you into his arms. 

“thank you,” he just barely breathes out. “i don’t know how i’ll ever pay you back, but i’ll try, i swear.”

“you don’t have to do anything for me, beoms. i should’ve done it a lot sooner, but i’m just a little slow, i guess,” you muse, and he chuckles softly into your neck.

-

sleeping with beomgyu should’ve only happened once, but every night when you say you’re heading to bed, he looks at you with puppy eyes and you find yourself inviting him to come along. each time, he looks so excited that if he had a tail, it would most certainly be wagging. he obediently follows you to your room and settles into the empty space next to you before holding you in his arms as you drift off. he’s even taken to humming the tunes of songs he likes when you struggle to settle down, and his baritone voice lulls you to sleep like a charm every time. he spends his time by just looking at you and trying to reconcile with his new reality. this is real. he gets to spend however many nights he wants next to you, as per your own words. even if you didn’t mean them, he plans to take them seriously. he is perfectly content with spending the rest of his life just sleeping with you, looking at you, being with you. 

-

soobin’s get together is tonight, and you look different than usual. your typical look is very casual, which makes sense because you’re only ever at home when you’re with him, but you are now primped and ready to be seen, and it makes him anxious because you look even more lovable. he knows these people are your friends, so they must’ve seen you dressed up before, but that only makes him all the more uneasy; they know a side of you he is only now seeing, and it makes that same old ugly feeling he's grown so accustomed to sprout in his chest. 

when you arrive at soobin’s place, the first thing you do when soobin swings open the door is jump in his arms like you didn’t just see him a week ago. he spins you around with a dimpled grin that’s so sincere, beomgyu feels emotionally decimated by it. you both giggle as you break apart, and the jealousy beomgyu feels brewing within feels unpacifiable. 

“is this beomgyu?” soobin asks, grin still very much apparent.

“yes! you’re gonna love him,” you answer giddily. 

“it’s nice to meet you,” soobin says warmly while stretching out his hand, which beomgyu awkwardly shakes while he tries to force his lips to curl upwards in what he prays is a believable smile.

“nice to meet you,” he mumbles.

“everyone’s already here, but you’re late as always,” soobin playfully chastises, and you pout in response.

everyone greets you when you walk in, mostly by hugging you and lightheartedly scolding you for not coming out anymore. they’re very clearly bantering with you, but each reproach feels like a knife to beomgyu’s heart. he’s the reason you haven’t seen them in so long. 

clueless to it all, you introduce him as your friend to everyone, which only makes him feel worse, somehow. he is just one friend out of many, meanwhile you’re his entire world. you’re far too caught up in the joy of seeing some of your favorite people after so long to notice his dismay, however.

you lead him to soobin’s couch to have a seat with you and one of your friends, taehyun maybe, offers him a drink, to which he awkwardly declines. you quickly follow up with something to the effect of “he isn’t much of a drinker,” and beomgyu nods in affirmation. you try your best to include beomgyu in conversation, but they’re all talking about people and places he doesn't know. all he knows is you, and the world you two built together seems smaller and smaller with every new topic of conversation. 

he notices that soobin seems to be eyeing him somewhat strangely, though he tries his best to play it off. he could just attribute it to surface level curiosity, but his intuition tells him it’s much deeper than that. is soobin sizing up his competition? maybe so, but there’s not much to see. beomgyu is handsome, and he knows it, but soobin knows a side of you beomgyu has only ever heard stories about. you’ve told him about your friends and the goings on between you and your coworkers, but it pales in comparison to actually meeting them. he makes an internal note to ask even more questions than he usually does the next time you’re telling him about your day. until then, he sits as close to you as humanly possible and clings onto your arm, which is so second nature to you, you don't even notice that he’s doing it. 

soobin, who is usually not the inquisitive type, can’t help but question the dynamic between you and beomgyu. at first, the lingering glances and intimate gestures were innocuous enough to be written off as mere friendliness, but when you whisper something in beomgyu’s ear and he flushes a bright pink, soobin knows he can’t ignore it any longer. he especially can’t ignore it when you turn away from beomgyu and he raises a hand to the ear you just whispered into as if he’s reliving the moment. well, time to test his theory. 

soobin slides into the open cushion next to you and begins excitedly chattering about how pretty you look tonight, and he even takes your braided hair into his hands and twirls it between his fingers.

“your hair looks pretty,” he muses.

“beomgyu did it, actually,” you grin, and soobin glances over to said boy, who is currently glaring daggers at him. the look in beomgyu’s eyes is so intense, he almost wants to back off, but he has to get to the bottom of this. 

“did he? you know, it’s been a while since you stayed over. wanna have a sleepover tonight? you have some clothes here from last time, and we can cuddle, i know you like that,” he says as innocently as he possibly can. 

before you can even reply, beomgyu is slamming his hands on the coffee table. you turn to face him in surprise, and the look on his face is the angriest you’ve ever seen him. his eyes are dark and his nostrils are flared as he heavily breathes. he’s never been angry at all in front of you, actually, so to say you’re taken aback is the understatement of the century. 

“beoms? what’s wrong?” you ask concernedly, completely turning away from soobin. your voice is enough to somewhat placate him, but before he can fully calm down, soobin is saying his next words.

“i’m sure he’s fine. beomgyu, you can find your way home tonight on your own, can’t you?” beomgyu is positively seething at this. before you can question him again, he’s gripping your hand so tightly it’s like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning, so you excuse the both of you and drag him to the bathroom for some privacy.

“are you alright?” you ask, frantically scanning his figure for some sort of sign of pain or discomfort. 

“i-i’m fine, i just, uh, i don’t feel good,” he says flatly. 

“what’s wrong? is it too much? do we need to go home?” he’s so flustered, he barely registers that you’re calling your house “home”, but he still notices it in spite of everything, and it’s like a balm on his aching heart. 

“y-yeah, can we go home? please?” he pleads, and you hurriedly nod. 

“of course, just let me say bye to everyone before we leave, okay?” and he wants to say no, but he’s as weak as ever in front of you, so he relents.

that doesn’t stop him from gripping your hand, though, as you say goodbye to everyone. you go to give soobin your usual hug, but beomgyu pulls you back to him even more tightly. you write it off as him not feeling well and just wanting to leave as soon as possible, to which you oblige, and before you know it, you two are scurrying out of soobin’s place like there’s something chasing you.

as you’re driving home, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket, but it isn’t until you’re walking through your doorway that you check it. 

soobie: we need to talk. call me as soon as you get home

you’re worried beyond belief at his serious tone, so you tell beomgyu that you’ve got to make a call before ducking into your bedroom. you don’t shut the door behind you, because why would you? 

you quickly call soobin and the line connects after just one ring.

“what’s wrong?” you ask anxiously, and soobin just sighs, which makes you all the more anxious.

“we have to talk about beomgyu.” 

“beomgyu? what about him? is something wrong?” you question.

“yeah, i mean, maybe. this might sound crazy, but i think — i know — he likes you.” you’re stunned silly for just a moment before bursting into laughter.

“likes me? what the hell are you talking about?” you dismiss, and you sense his agitation even through the phone.

“i’m serious. i had a feeling before, but tonight just confirmed it. he likes you.” you’re silent for a moment, just trying to process his words, but once your mind somewhat clears, you can’t help but deny, deny, deny.

“you’re wrong. it’s not like that at all. i’m just the first person who’s ever treated him nicely, and i —” 

“you’re not listening,” he cuts in irritatedly. “he looked like he wanted to skin me alive tonight. how else do you explain that?” 

“soobie,” you sigh. “you’ve got it all wrong. maybe you’re right and maybe he was feeling insecure, but that’s probably because i’m the only person he knows. he most likely just felt like you were stealing my attention away.” 

“you’re always so dense about these things, you know?” he groans. “okay, look, i’m not sure how they came about, but i do know that he has feelings for you. maybe it started out as dependence, i’m not sure, but it’s definitely much more than that now.” 

“that’s impossible,” you snort, actually feeling a bit impatient now. how could he possibly think that your relationship with beomgyu was anything other than platonic? 

“why? because he’s a robot?” oh, that shuts you up. “just think about it. if he were a human, would you still be saying the same thing? like i said before, if he’s as human as you say he is, he can feel the same way we do, and he’s definitely capable of feeling love, too.” you are, again, stunned into silence. suddenly, as if there was a fog that covered your brain before, things that you never really considered become clear to you. the soft touches, the gentleness. sleeping in the same bed and waiting for you to get home. wanting you — needing you — around all the time. the way he plays with your hair. the way he’s so interested in everything you have to say. the clinginess, the dependence. it all makes so much more sense to you. 

“i —” you begin, but you just so happen to glance up and see beomgyu right outside of your doorway… looking absolutely devastated. 

“i’ve gotta go,” you tell soobin as you hang up, not even bothering to say your usual goodbye. 

“beoms, did you hear us?” you ask tentatively, and he flinches a little bit before looking down at the floor and nodding.

you’re unsure of how to navigate this situation from here, but while you’re still trying to figure it out, beomgyu speaks.

“i-i’m so sorry,” he says hurriedly. “i understand if you don’t want me anymore.” 

“w-what? no, i —” 

“i’m just really sorry,” he says, looking as ashamed as a person ever could. “i know it’s wrong, i know it’s disgusting, but i —” 

“beomgyu.” 

“but i can’t help it. i wish i could, but i just can’t; and i understand if you want to return me or whatever, but if you could just —” 

“beomgyu, stop it,”  you interrupt firmly, no room for argument. he stares at you with defeated eyes, and you feel your heart break in two. “i am not disgusted, and i don’t want to return you.” his eyebrows furrow as if he doesn't quite understand, so you continue. 

“your feelings are not disgusting to me, don’t ever say that again, okay? please? it makes me sad,” you plead, and he hesitantly nods. “i think it’s normal, actually. you don’t really know anybody else other than me, so of course you’re confused.” 

“confused?” he asks incredulously, eyes snapping up to meet yours.

“confused,” you nod. “it'll change once you meet more people, i swear.” you try to smile reassuringly, but suddenly, you see tears welling up in beomgyu’s eyes. 

“beoms?” you carefully try.

“i don't need to meet more people. i just need you,” he chokes out. “don't tell me i'm confused because i'm not. i-i'd rather you just say you don't want to be with me than tell me that.” your heart clenches at his words, but he continues. 

“i just want to be with you, no one else,” he tells you desperately. “i can understand if you don't feel the same way, but i can't stand to hear you say i don’t love you, because i do. i really, really do.” and as if you're dissociating, your mind is bombarded by times where he's shown you this exact sentiment. again, you go back to every intimate moment you two have ever shared. it was easy to just chalk it up to his lack of experience, but when he's telling you that's not the case so earnestly, is it truly possible to still believe it’s nothing? after a while, you decide that it most certainly is not. 

the question is: do you feel the same way? you try to put a name to the feelings you have when you’re with him. the trust you have, the understanding. the desire to share everything you know and like with him, no matter how mundane it may seem to others; and consequently, the endearment towards him when you see how eager he is to listen. more than that, the intimacy between you two. how you like waking up to him smiling down at you, and how when something happens, he’s the first one you want to tell, good or bad. how when you listen to new music, you feel excited at the prospect of sharing it with him. 

you realize you want to know more about him, the happy things and even the sad things. why he is the way that he is, why he thinks the way he thinks. the peace you feel when he’s running his fingers through your hair and holding you close when you watch the same film for the dozenth time. you try to picture a world where somebody else rented him. a world in which somebody else got to see him as soon as they wake up or as soon as they get home from a particularly grueling day at work, and you finally understand that you wouldn’t like that at all. but why? you’ve only ever thought of him as a friend, right? so why does it matter to you? 

your eyes focus on beomgyu again, and you notice how utterly defeated he looks. his heart is on full display for you — and you alone — as tears stream freely down his pretty, doll-like face. are these tears just for you? you think so. is it safe to trust that these feelings he has for you are real? you’re not sure, but you want to. still, there’s something stopping you.

“i think… i think i feel the same way,” you admit, and his previously downtrodden appearance immediately lights up with hope. “but we shouldn’t.” and the words are like lead in your mouth. 

“why not?” he asks, clearly distressed. you just gave him an inch, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take a mile. he never in a million years would have thought that you’d ever reciprocate his feelings, so he can’t just let them go so easily.

“i just… it’s just not something that i can —” 

“is it because i’m an android?” he questions, voice teeming with self-loathing. 

“n-no! i mean, we’re just so different,” you tell him, trying to skirt around the topic as best as you possibly can, but he won’t have it.

“whatever it is, i’ll change it. please? i can do anything,” he pleads. 

“it’s not like that. i want to, but we can't. i-i'll get older. i won't look the same — i won't be the same,” and it’s embarrassing as hell to admit it out loud, but you mean it. beomgyu’s urgent gaze softens, and he inches closer to you before he’s standing before you. he reaches out to gently cup your face and tenderly pushes your hair behind your ears.

“and what about me?” 

“what about you?” you scoff, but you don't pull away from his touch, though your eyes do dart away. “you’ll still be you, and i’ll be old and —” 

“what about when my parts start creaking? what about when i don’t remember things like i’m supposed to? you’ll still love me then, right?” he asks, but he already knows, and your eyes snap back to his.

“th-that’s different. you can get repairs. i can’t —” 

“then i won’t. you’ll get old and gray and i’ll get rundown and out-of-date. i don’t care what happens, as long as i’m with you.” you’re silent in the wake of his heavy words, so he quickly continues.

“you told me that when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you said you always find a way, and i want to find a way to be with you.” your heart simultaneously warms and aches at this sentiment. 

you consider what it would be like to be with him. things would be difficult, yes, but not impossible. maybe you’ll come to regret it someday, but you don’t want to think about that right now. you feel like the luckiest girl in the world when you think of the fact that somebody so beautiful, inside and out, wants to be with you. you don't think you’ve done anything particularly special for him, but he still wants and accepts you for everything that you are and ever will be.

“okay,” you say shakily, and you finally recognize that his hands are still very much cupping your face, fingers lovingly rubbing against your cheeks. he smiles in pure relief at your answer, but he makes no move to break away his hold on you. 

you notice how his gaze flicks between your eyes and your lips, and you decide you'll have mercy on him as you lean up to him and press a chaste kiss on his pouty lips before parting. he’s visibly red at the action, and you grin at how flustered he looks. on beomgyu’s end, he feels another bloom of excitement and swell of hope threatening to overcome him. when he looks at the playfulness in your eyes, he smiles even wider. 

“i love you,” he whispers affectionately.

you pause before you tell him:

“i love you, too, beoms.”

-

that night, beomgyu is even clingier than usual. he sticks like gum to your side. when you head to sleep, he eagerly nestles in your bed and holds his arms wide open. you follow his lead and settle into his warm embrace. he sings you one of his favorite songs you’ve ever shown him. the last words you hear before you sink into sleep are:

“to die by your side

is such a heavenly way to die

to die by your side, well

the pleasure, the privilege is mine”

notes pt. 2: sfw work ends here!

you and beomgyu have been “together” for a few weeks now, so the relationship is still very new. surprisingly or not, things seem more or less the same. you guess you never realized just how intimate you two have always been until you put a label on things. the only tangible differences are that instead of just a mere hug when he greets you, he plants kisses all over your face before finding his ways to your lips. and when you’re watching movies or even just talking, he’ll steal a kiss or two. and when you head to bed, you know you can expect him to catch your lips like a man starved before you sleep. things get heated, sometimes, but they never lead to anything besides labored breaths and promises to calm himself down. you take his hesitancy as him wanting to take it slow and treasure your first time together, and you realize he still may be traumatized from the years he spent as a sexbot. 

you have apologized to him for telling soobin his secret. you let him know your reasoning for telling him, and he accepted your apology quite graciously. honestly? he was never mad, and he tells you that very clearly, but you still feel somewhat guilty even when he says he understands. your guilt is only absolved when he says he’s thankful you told soobin because things may have never changed without his wise input. he says that he’s grateful to soobin for being a voice of reason in the face of your emotional density. you blushed when he told you this, and apologized for being so slow on the uptake, but he just assured you that he wouldn’t have you any other way, which made you love him even more, somehow. 

you’re now about to go to soobin’s again for another get together with your friends. second time’s the charm, you cheekily told him when you brought it up, and he blushed in response. when you two walk through the doorway, everyone cheers. you greet everyone as usual, and beomgyu tries his best to keep his searing jealousy at bay, but his anxiety starts clawing at him as soobin seats himself next to you and asks you how you are. 

you giggle and tell him you’re doing well, and he responds by updating you on his tumultuous work life. beomgyu immediately wonders why you haven’t told soobin about your new relationship. are you embarrassed to be seen with him? it’s not like he doesn’t understand, what with him technically being made out of wires and machinery. of course a human like you wouldn’t want to be seen with a metal man like him. you could have the entire world in your hands if you wanted, so what’s the point of playing pretend with a fake like him? maybe, if he were you, he’d be embarrassed, too. he likes to think that maybe you aren’t like that, but at the end of the day, how could you not be? he’s nothing more than a robot masquerading as the real thing. 

his anxiety worsens the more in depth your conversation with soobin gets. you try to include him by briefly giving him context about the stories soobin tells, but he can’t stop himself from worrying. again, he feels like soobin is stealing you away from him, and his mood sours. 

your other friends try to talk to him, too, but he’s very obviously in a bad mood as he watches you two continue to laugh together. when you finally do turn to beomgyu, you immediately notice how awful he looks. 

“beoms? are you alright?” you ask gingerly, but beomgyu’s discomfort is not at all placated even at the term of endearment. 

“‘m fine,” he mumbles, and you’re genuinely in shock at his change of attitude. soobin looks very concerned, but he excuses himself to get a drink so you two can work it out, though he has an inkling of an idea of what’s triggering beomgyu. 

“what’s wrong with you?” you ask concernedly, but he shakes his head sulkily.

“do you wanna go home?” you offer, and he immediately nods. you look torn for a second, but when you see how sad he looks, you know you can’t deny him.

you say your goodbyes to your friends and apologize for leaving early, but everyone says they understand. soobin makes you promise to host the next get together, though, to which you happily agree. 

the ride home is mostly silent, but you look over to beomgyu in concern every so often. you grab his hand and squeeze it in a way you hope is comforting, but he doesn’t look any better at all.

when you enter your house, you immediately head to your bedroom, and he follows you in silence. you sit on the bed and pat the space next to you. 

“beoms, what’s the matter?” you ask pleadingly as you grab his hands, and his heart, which was previously aching, is (a little) soothed by your concern. 

“i-it’s nothing,” he answers, but you can tell that he’s lying because of the way he refuses to make eye contact with you. 

“baby, i can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong,” you say. you’re right, and he knows you’re right, but you’re already doing him the favor of a lifetime just by deigning to be with him. how could he dare to ask for more? he’s ashamed at the thought, but you look so sincere, and he knows in his metaphorical heart that he needs to be able to communicate with you if you two are going to have any shot at a lasting relationship.

“i-i’m just j-jealous,” he sputters. 

“oh, baby, why?” you ask. 

“because i’m not like you,” he admits after a pause. “i already feel like i’m not good enough for you, so seeing you with someone who actually is makes me feel awful.”

“who? soobin?” and you’re absolutely petrified when he sheepishly nods. 

“honey, it’s not like that at all,” you tell him. “we’re just friends, i promise.” 

“but it would be so much easier to be with him. you wouldn’t have to be ashamed about telling everyone you’re with an android,” he argues. 

“beomgyu, i am not ashamed of you. i just wasn’t sure if you felt comfortable with me telling everyone. if you want me to tell them, i’ll happily do it. you’re so good, how could i ever be embarrassed of you?” his eyes soften.

“do you mean it?” he asks, and you nod. 

“do i not show it enough? how much i love you, i mean.” he furiously shakes his head no, but you know it’s a lie. beomgyu himself will admit that he needs more validation than most people, and it’s going to take him a while to ever get over it because of his own issues. that doesn’t mean you can’t try to help him, though, so you brush his cheek with your hands before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. 

“does this make you feel better?” you ask after you pull away, but he still looks somewhat depressed, so you pull him in again before pressing your lips against his. this time, you swipe your tongue on his pout, which makes him gasp. you tease your tongue against his and electricity thrums between you two when you do it. he reciprocates your enthusiasm immediately, and before long, you’re both sucking and teasing each other until you’re out of breath.

you pull away again and rest your forehead against his. 

“better?” you question.

“a little,” he says. “m-maybe a little more?” you grin at his coquettishness, and you go in for another kiss. your tongues tangle, but you don’t stop there. your mouth travels, peppering kisses down his jaw to his sensitive neck. he shivers at the contact when you swipe your tongue over his unmarred skin before lightly sucking. he lets out a broken moan when you do it, and it reverberates throughout your entire body and straight to your core. 

“better?” you ask again.

“m-more,” he pants. 

“anything you want, baby,” you tease before your lips hungrily capture his. one of your hands snakes its way up his shirt, and he gasps when you roll his hardened nipple between your fingers. beomgyu is more sensitive than most people, as is the nature of his model, so every little touch drives him crazy. 

you seem to have noticed this, so when your other hand palms his hardened length through his sweatpants and he almost screams, you have to bite back a giggle. 

“d-don’t tease,” he begs, and you’d do anything for beomgyu, really, but not this time.

you palm him even more harshly and his breath catches in his throat. 

“more?” you ask, and he fervently nods. you oblige, sliding your hand under his waistband and teasing the sensitive skin around his length. your fingers brush against it every so often, and he involuntarily bucks every time you do. 

“c-can i touch you?” he practically implores.

“of course, my love,” you tell him as you remove your devious hands and pull your top off before unclipping your bra. 

his mouth waters when he sees you, and you can see him gulp almost comically as his big hands meet your breasts. he copies your movement from earlier, rolling your sensitive buds between his very clearly experienced fingers. you let out a contented sigh at the action, but you won’t let this be all about you, so your hand sneaks it way back down his pants. this time, you grab his girthy cock and give it a harsh tug. his actions stutter, and you smirk devilishly at how fucked out he is when the fun part hasn’t even begun. 

you pull at his waistband, and he eagerly tugs his pants and boxers off as soon you do it. he even goes as far as to tear his t-shirt off over his head before he pulls your half-naked body flush against his, falling onto the bed as he desperately kisses you for everything that you’re worth. eventually, he situates himself on top of you, rutting his thick, long cock onto your still clothed thigh. you didn’t really get a chance to get a good look at him before, but you’re able to look down at him now, and you realize his dick is gorgeous. just like every other part of him. it stands tall, blushing profusely at the tip and practically weeping precum. it’s a bit hooked, too, no doubt to elicit the most pleasure out of his clients. your pussy is drenched just thinking about how it’ll feel when it’s inside of you.

he almost rips your bottoms off of you and his mouth waters even more at the sight of your pussy, all slick and glistening in anticipation for what’s to come. 

“so gorgeous,” he whispers as he prepares to lay himself between your legs, but you hook them around his waist before he can do so. tonight will be all about him, you’ve decided, so you tug him closer and put one of his pretty nipples in your mouth, swirling your tongue on it and occasionally nipping at the sensitive skin. your other hand continues to tweak the other one before you alternate between the two, causing him to let out a low, guttural groan. 

eventually, he goes in for another kiss, all tongue and teeth and saliva, and you take one of your hands and harshly clench around the base of his throbbing cock. 

“is this what you needed, beoms?” you tease, and he nods pathetically as you tug again, harder this time, and let your hands stroke all the way up to his reddened tip. your thumb glides over his slit, and he’s seeing stars. 

“i don’t know why you’re so jealous of someone else, my love. you’re so perfect,” you praise, and his ears get even redder, somehow, in spite of the situation you’re both in.

“i — nghh — i don’t like when you’re with him,” he pants, in spite of everything you're doing to him. “only want you with me.”

“oh, baby, you have me,” you coo. “always.” and with that, you begin to feverishly jerk him off with one hand while the other returns to his nipple. his hips buck with every movement, and his eyes are screwed shut. you can tell he’s about to come before you completely take your hands off of him. 

“n-no! w-why?” he asks with a crack in his voice, watery eyes shooting open at the sudden action.

“don’t you wanna come in my pussy, instead? it’s warmer and wetter than my hand,” you ask with faux innocence with a tilt of your head, and his previously aggrieved demeanor morphs back into pure lust. 

“that’s what i thought,” you giggle as you grab his length and rub it against your slickness. he groans at the feeling, but you don’t immediately take him in, opting to instead roll your hips up, just barely letting his flared head catch against your entrance. 

“baby, please,” he whines, and with a smirk, you finally wrap your legs around his waist and line him up with your entrance. you just barely take the tip in, easing it into your pussy, before you force him out again. he gasps raggedly at how tight you are, and he’s wound up so much, he feels like he’s on the brink of exploding. he’s about to take matters into his own hands before you guide him back inside of you, and he feels your walls struggling to accommodate him. 

“s-so tight! h-how are you so tight?” he hisses, eyes reddened and face strained, but you’re far too busy with the euphoric feeling of him finally inside of you to reply. he eases in inch after throbbing inch, and it is a snug fit, indeed. he almost wonders if he’ll even fit, but though the stretch burns you, the pleasure is too great to ignore. finally, your walls slightly relax, and he’s able to completely sheath himself in you. you both moan as his tip pulsates against your cervix, and he considerately gives you time to adjust, walls contracting wildly around him, before he attempts to pull out and really begin. 

“stop,” you command before he can do so, and his eyes fill with worry at your words. 

“w-what’s wrong?” he stutters. 

“oh, nothing,” you say between pants. “i just want to see how long you can last.” 

“w-what do you —”

and you interrupt him with a kiss. he ravenously reciprocates it, and he can’t help but unconsciously thrust his hips, tapping deliciously on the deepest parts of you, but you prevent him from ever fully pulling out. you tangle one of your hands through his hair and grip it — not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make him groan into your mouth. 

“c-can i move?” he pleads, but you shake your head no. 

“why?” he whimpers, but you just smirk as you kiss him again and bite his bottom lip. 

he doesn’t know how long you two stay like that, but it’s far too long for his liking. he feels his dick swell, and you still refuse to let him move, but you teasingly scrape your fingers against his balls and it’s all he can do not to come. 

“p-please let me move, it hurts,” he cries, tears now flowing from his eyes. for once, sex is all about beomgyu and what feels good to him. he could cry just from the sentiment alone, but his current tears are the direct result of how you’re teasing him.

“and where does it hurt, baby? use your words, i know you can.” 

“h-hurts, my c-cock hurts,” he sputters out. 

“and would pounding my pussy make you feel better?” you goad, and he whines even louder at the imagery. 

“y-yes,” he sobs, and you smile as you say your next words.

“such a good boy. you can move.” and that’s all it takes, really, before he’s pulling out despite your cunt’s attempts to suck him back in, and ramming himself back inside of you again and again.

the curve of his cock hits places previously untouched, and your walls spasm around him at the sensation.

“does it feel good, beoms?” 

“s-so good,” he mumbles as drool pools off of his tongue and out of his mouth, eyes rolling to the back of his head. “so warm and t-tight.” you clench against your will at his filthy words, and it makes a strangled cry leave his throat. 

“pussy so good, baby. your pussy is the b-best,” he babbles, and your lips meet his again before your mouth travels down, sucking a blooming hickey onto his neck. he trembles at the pain that comes with the pleasure, but somehow, he still has the presence of mind to roll his skilled fingers against your clit. just a few touches, and you already feel your orgasm approaching. he can feel every spasm of yours, and it makes his dick twitch inside of you as he wildly fucks you open. 

he’s drilling into you so hard, you have to dig your fingernails into the skin of his back to keep yourself grounded. with each thrust, you feel more and more like you’re about to burst. 

“gonna come!” you whine. 

“do it, baby. c-come all over my cock,” he pleads.

“come inside? want it so bad,” you mewl.

“of course, my angel. a-anything for you,” he tells you as he tenderly brushes your hair out of your sweaty face, and he hammers himself into you at an inhuman pace as you feel the pressure in you crescendo into a searing hot orgasm. you clench even tighter around him while you come, gripping him so forcefully he can barely pull out, so his thrusts become sloppy and uncoordinated before he rams himself into you one last time and paints your inner walls with his cum.

you two stay like that for a while, just panting and basking in the feeling of closeness you feel. he presses a kiss on your forehead as he relaxes his arms and lays on top of you. you giggle at the intimacy and he finds himself sharing your laughter, your joy. 

“you’re so beautiful,” he says between breaths, nuzzling his face into your neck and sighing. “i love you.”

“i love you, too, beoms,” you tell him, and you do love him. unconditionally.

notes pt. 3: :,) :,) :,)))))) i'm very sorry if this was disappointing but i hope it was worth it! i would love to hear your thoughts or answer any questions you may have about this fic/universe. feedback is needed to a disgusting degree bc i need validation to survive #sorry

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[ad7red]

Hey!! Can I have Peter and his gf who's not rlly smart but catches a mistake Peter made in his hw and teases him but he doesn't mind? Thanks xx!

smarty pants | peter parker.

bf!peter parker x reader

this has been sitting in my inbox for a WHILEE i am sorry!

not proofread, no warnings

-

you had just bombed your math quiz and you could not feel any worse. math just wasn’t your thing, ela or history? sure, but math and you were never getting along. and that was a fact.

the only person who might’ve been able to raise your spirits was your one and only genius vigilante boyfriend, peter. which led to you vigorously knocking on his apartment door like you did many times, expecting to be greeted by a familiar peter, instead being met with his aunt may.

“hey, there sweet pea! peter won’t be home for a while, but would you like to come in and wait in his room for him?” you nodded while thanking her, being in his room would help remind you of him.

she walked you to his room, though being here so many times you know the place like the back of your hand.

when you walked into his room you were welcomed with messy algebra homework as well as half-done history homework scattered all over his desk.

you hopped down onto his undone bed and patiently waited for peter to come back to tell him all about how math was the worst subject known to man.

-

after what felt like forever you finally heard the bedroom door creek open, with the curly head following.

“hey, sunshine? how are you?” he said while placing a kiss on top of your forehead. you pouted before responding, and that’s when peter knew he was in for a doozy.

“terrible! peter, i failed my math quiz!” flapping your arms up and down for emphasis. peter patted your shoulder, his way of saying ‘i’m sorry’.

“c'mon, it can’t be that bad” peter was sorely mistaken. it was that bad.

“i got a 25%.” he made an ‘o’ shape with his mouth, as though it physically hurt him to hear that grade.

“i mean, whose bright idea was it to come up with trigonometric functions? when will i ever use that in my entire life?” you began to rant. the grade was irritating you considering you’ve never gotten lower than a c in math.

“okay, come show me what you need trouble with.” peter said while pulling you up from his bed and leading you to his untidy desk.

you told him what was confusing you and he thoroughly explained it, but you couldn't seem to focus with that history homework on his desk.

“it's italy.”

“what..?”

“which country did the renaissance begin in? you said germany but it's italy.” he quickly scanned over the question again, skimming over the small paragraph before it.

“you got me, good job smarty pants!” he wasn’t sour or bitter about it all. if anything, he was happy, he knew how much it would mean to you if you corrected the smartest person you knew.

“i am a bit of smarty pants aren’t i?” and with that both you and peter started to explode in a fit of giggles.

-

[thatdeadaquarius]

Hallo! You know who is someone I don’t see many people appreciating? Ganyu! Imagine a neurodivergent creator reader who is the one that finds her when she’s going through one of her crises when she doesn’t know if she belongs with the humans or Adepti and reader can understand her because that’s how they feel as well about life?? And about their old world and sometimes this one??

I feel that they could potentially bond over that and maybe even realize Ganyu is also somewhat neurodivergent in some way?? Or she’s very socially inept in some ways and reader can relate and share in those worries so the two just sometimes sit together shoulder to shoulder and just not say anything and just relax and everyone is confused??? Anyways that’s all for me, keep up the great work! :D

-Bonk anon

GOD, NEURODIVERGENT ASKS, JUST HAVE MY WHOLE HEART IN YOUR HANDS 😭😭🤲🤲💙💙

JUST TAKE IT I DONT NEED IT-

ALSO LESSER ASKED FOR/LESS POPULAR CHARACTERS??

SIGN ME TF UP-

Ahhh, look at her... I would die for her, kill for her... either way, what bliss ✨️

also fuCK mihoyo, she’s fat and beautiful and so thats how she gonna be written. 😤

saw this in my mailbox forever ago and as i was workng thru them, was just like, “damn that Ganyu ask is so close im so excited to write abt her <33”

☆

Sun: Neurodivergent!Reader, Gender Neutral (they/them)

Orbit: tiny scenario +headcanons

Stars: Ganyu, my dearest.

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: talk of low self-esteem & Trigger Warnings: talk of low self-esteem, neurodivergent struggles, talk of missing meals (ganyu wants to schedule out her lunch-breaks).

when you’d initially explained to the (actually scarily strong irl) genshin characters who’d been claiming all kinds of wild stuff about you (”The Last Descender! The World Player!”)

you’d been in Liyue at the time, and out of everyone, the first you could see believed you were a mortal on Earth before (and not ruling it 💀) was Ganyu.

She’d looked shocked, like the others, but you could quickly see her get more and mire visibly twitchy and excited as you explained further

(rlly unlike the just,, utter confusion on Xiao’s, Zhongli’s, Shenhe’s, and Cloud Retainer’s faces, so convinced of your divinity there’s no way you could be human- even just acting like one-)

but you did, and Ganyu loved it.

you actually didn’t interact much for the first month you were stuck in a gacha video game (the other alloegenes, gods, adepti, and citizens, including international, pulling you around for opinions on this and that)

But one night you couldn’t sleep (the Qixing provided amble spacious housing in a temple already apparently dedicated to you, one you’d never seen in game)

It’d been… a rough day.

Everywhere you went, miscommunications followed, and you still didn’t really know how to mask properly around these just- well, since they were real, aliens

sure, they mimicked stuff about humans, but not the people/culture you’d mostly been around, (and the adepti had their own code of behavior, which was so complex you’re sure they should’ve made an actual social behavior manual by now)

but you just couldn’t escape the endless cycle, not only that, but your executive function had apparently forgotten to keep up with some important appointments or otherwise things you had needed to get done earlier, so you were scrambling to send a late letter to Fontaine inventors who needed to get the project started in 3 days, which is how long the letter takes to get there, oh gods, and you needed to check on Inazuma, apparently Seirai island is getting lightningy again and the Raiden Shogun wants you in person as soon as possible to aid her with it, but you need to attend a Knights of Favonius meeting in 2 days-

Yeah. You were stressed, and honestly? crumbling under the pressure.

So you’d snuck out of your rooms (dodging the patrolling guards) and went to the office of the one person who knew who’d understand

Ganyu. Scribbling and mumbling in her office to herself, late into the night

She’d jumped at you slipping in without knocking (avoid the Milieth at all costs, even tho ur literally god and you’ve been told you can do whatever you want mostly)

and knocked a whooooollleee stack of papers to the floor, scattering it everywhere 😭

you’d scrambled to start picking them up,, but then she stops you frantically saying “No, no, it’s okay, it’s not a big deal I promise, there’s no need to cry over these silly papers, heaven-sent!”

what??

oh.

oh no.

it’d just been one more thing you’d messed up on top of all of today (and tbh this whole month whirlwind of becoming some kind of god of the continent)

and Ganyu was, Ganyu <3

she was sweet and kind and so overwhelmingly helpful, how could you make a mess of her life too-

“Emperor? Huangdi?”

you’re just sitting on the floor now, but you startle when she gently holds your upper arms, calling your name very softly, so soft if she wasn’t saying you actual name you’d think she was talking to something else, something precious to her

the qilin guides you up, easily supporting your weight, she directs you to her couch, and manuvers you into laying your head across her plush thighs, the half-adepti’s pants aren’t as skin-tight like in-game, they’re actually the cosiest fabric you’ve ever laid on (or maybe that’s just a combination of your fragileness and her thick thighs)

she rubs your shoulder and back, offering a tissue (when did she get that-)

and that’s when you know you’ve chosen your first friend in Teyvat perfectly :)

◇

you sneak out nearly every night for those first few months in Liyue (not including travel, which you tried to limit or you’d both make an excuse why she needed to come with lol)

just to sneak into her office, and you’d nearly cried a second time on her when she offered some notes about both standard human and adepti behaviors (after all, she’s had to study them both to fit into both)

Ganyu learns to do your hair and you do hers 🥺 she can’t bring herself to trust anyone to cut her hair but you, and you always try to do styles that don’t get in her way <3

like buns with a braid wrapped around it, or two space buns (Keqing didn’t say anything but Ganyu gossiped to you about how she could see a little smile on her face whenever she ran into Ganyu that week, obviously cutely thinking how they matched)

While of course the first thing Ganyu did was propose to help you schedule/manage your time so you wouldn’t have to rely on your non-existent executive function-

you’d also made sure to literally plop ur chin over her shoulder to make sure you saw “break” AT LEAST once a day, now that she was incorporating herself a little into ur schedule too (Ganyu fought tooth and nail to get rid of that lunch-break, but then you threatened to also not eat, and she caved so fast LMAO)

(bc she’s a die-hard workaholic ofc she wants this, after you heard abt her schedule in-game you’d thought it was lucky she was not fully human or she would’ve dropped dead, but now even moreso watching that horror in real time 💀)

which!! she!! is so!! (at this point you usually just squeeze her round cheeks a little too hard before then wrapping your arms as far as they can go around her torso and squeezing even harder-)

After a couple of “your trauma 🤝 my trauma” nights, she honestly understood really well where your limits were so to speak, what you could and simply couldn’t do

and was the first one willing to explain to people you have executive dysfunction (and was quick to cut off any “just try harder/pull yourself up by your bootstraps/just believe in yourself” nonsense when if came to your disabilities, even tho those were few and far between moments if any)

afterall, people had expected the same from her, and she frequently fell into that thinking herself (it also didn’t help that as you tried to give her a normal schedule at first, which benefitted her human side more, it felt like the Qixing was stumbling to keep up with the supernatural workload now being distributed)

Ganyu knew it had been your influence originally that helped her when she’d had her workload lightened/then followed by the traveler when she ran off

(and regardless of the truth too, when you’d finally gotten the courage to tell her how you actually interacted with Teyvat, unable to steer actions from what the plot dictated)

she’d still attributed it to you, (”well, you could’ve always just picked up your things and left, yes? But even if it was ‘pre-planned’ like you say, you still wanted to follow through and were… ahem, h-happy for m-me, right?” you’d smacked right into her you stimmed so relieved)

You didn’t exactly know how to explain it, bc everyone was really accepting,

from citizens to nobles, officials and guards, to vision-users, gods and other supernatural beings that inhabited Teyvat

no one judged you for unmasking/stimming, but in that way that meant they didn’t really understand what was different about you, they just knew you were and they’d still decided to treat you with the same adoration anyway

but Ganyu,

she treated you the same but knew what stims you did when you were happy or excited, what ones comforted you, what your latest verbal stims were, and what your “classics” were (u never had to tell her, she just learned them quick and all on her own, bless this woman 🛐 )

Ganyu understood all the good and all the bad and saw you unmasked and still laughed so hard at your jokes she fell into your side and always asked another question about your hyperfixations/interests

you’d quickly realized there were a lot of neurodivergent overlaps between stuff Ganyu did and what you did

(whether or not she herself was, you just assumed yes based on what you researched, but there wasn’t any official testing in teyvat)

it makes more sense to you after applying the neurospicy filter to all her actions why she’s so obsessed with work (she hyperfixates on certain projects the Qixing has going, and has a long-term passive fixation on scheduling/stationary/related office work stuff)

but this also meant you understood why she was always asking for more about you, your mortal world, your time here, where you wanted to go in teyvat, what you wanted to do, how’d you feel when the game did this to someone, what about-?

needless to say you couldn’t (and didn’t have to 🥲) contain your stims at knowing you became a slight hyperfixation for her

she got all embarassed and blushy about it!!! <333😩 (and did that cute thing where she just kinda sways in place holding her hands together when bashful or nervous ✨💔✨)

unrelated to above, but your favorite thing (besides sightseeing or eating at yet another new restaurant in liyue) to do together is go do something childish

like playing children’s games (hopscotch, or hill sliding in ganyus case) from both ur childhoods

u thought itd be a good idea to get Ganyu to relax a little more and have more fun outside her job!

(again, unrelated bc idk im scattered with these headcanons, the cryo user loves when you help her pick new outfits at stores not bc she wants to impress u what)

ok last unrelated headcanon i promise,

Ganyu wasn’t overly affectionate before, honestly she was always going too fast to stop for those kind of casual touches (and when was there time in her old scedule)

but after a month of getting comfortable around each other, she subconciously gets up from her desk (mid-reading a file/carrying it with her lmao)

and sits on her office couch, making room for you to lay on her (and she is the perfect pillow)

(you dont point it out, you know she’ll get too embarassed, and you refuse to lose Ganyu cuddles <3)

☆

im so glad im not the only one who took one look at Ganyu’s problems in life and was like, “damn im neurospicy, ur so right, blue-frosty-magical-half-deer-secretary-woman”

btw it’s on the masterlist “turn on the background music?” but here’s really long playlist I made for sagau stuff!

mostly game music but also other fun songs i hope fit, mostly based of my blog so it’s not dark (as the other playlists under SAGAU search on spotify looked dark too lmao)

Safe Travels Bonk Anon,

💀♒

I mentioned making a kofi before, but I think I’ll start including it in posts too if u guys dont mind!

An iced coffee? For me?? :O

☆

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks

[deathofnessus]

Reposting my tg channel posts here so i dont lose them, a lot of words so its under cut:

1. All characters i have for the space setting so far and short descriptions of each(similar to the ones in my pinned, but a bit more detailed for my followers there ^_^):

-Rodion Melnikov, he/him

Definition of a burn out kid except hes like 40 now. A very ambitious academically man in the past, he grew more secluded with each year, as he began to worry that its too late for him to succeed now (although his definition of success is very twisted). Joins the expedition in hopes to finally find some new amazing discovery and get the recognition he believes he deserves. Dated David Ross for 5+ years when they were in their late 20s-early 30s, met through the academic field. An only child btw

-David Ross, he/him

David is an engineer, working in the field of rocket science. He is very passionate about his craft but overall a very laid back person, not prone to conflict. Knows everything about the Nessus, treats it like his child of sorts 😭 Kind of became the captain due to all of this knowledge. And people trust him a lot. Dated Rodion Melnikov in the past.

-Carwyn Morgan, she/her (he/him for most 💔)

The oldest member of the crew. Joined the expedition out of deep academic intrest, although was unsure about it at first. Technically has a role of an assistant to Mariana Renea. Passionate about her work, which is one of tthe biggest reason her and rodya got along so well. Had a long wild life before this expedition. Also shes an egg ... girl your gender.!!!!...

-Mariana Renea, she/her

Technically the captain, more so the leader of the expedition, the one that got everyone together. Shes been best friends with Morgan for years, their families were close for years. Shes obviously a very responsible person, also extremely passionate about her work. Has done a lot of things for her field of science (dont know which one yet. Sorry), shes well known and respected. This expedition is another big step in her career. Also had a family.

2. Answering moots questions, both rus and eng:

more thoughts on the expedition itself 🔽

3. Big answer to a big set of questions about the free timeon the ship, the character dynamics and fun facts about morgan:

I was gonna answer this with doodles but im impatient so i might come back to that later... First of all thanks for such detailed message i rlly appreciate it! I think the dynamics in the crew are definitely a little tense, especially bcuz of rodya and davey, but they usually try to stay chill. I dont think they would have big arguments or anything, at least not before the accident™ They definitely have a lot of respect for one another, but i think at least for rodya especially theres a bit of academic rivalry in this all, although the rest i think are kind of the opposite in thay way, feeling more unitied due to their goals and passions and stuff. So yeah rodya is definitely the one most likely to get "infatuated with the unknown", but i do think Morgan is similar in that way, maybe not as intense though. Mariana would be cautious but definitely intrested and i think Davey is the least likely, he'd definitely say nope and go the other way.

As for passing the free time on the ship, thats definitely something they do yeah! I never thought about it that much, and now thats definitely something id like to draw once i have the time so thanks for the suggegstion :D i think theyd have some pretentious ass board games along with some silly ones, but considering how long theyre on this ship i think at some point they'd get bored of all of them, which would lead to them hanging out all together less fkr sure. Maybe someone would suggest their own made up games and i think that person would be the fifth character™ that i dont have any story for, but their general function in the story in my mind rn is the younger guy that breaks the tension between all of these old serious people >< So work is important, yes, and they do spend a lot of time on it, but i think theyre all smart enough to understand that rest and hanging out together is important. Except maybe rodya. I think theyd have to drag him to these games by force most of the time. And every time they definitely regret it bcuz he always wins, which pisses everyone off. And he probably havent played any of these games before, hes just naturally good at them. I do think mariana at some point learned his stragidies and was able to sometimes win over him lol. Morgan and Davey love to team up together to try to beat "the try-hards". AS FOR MORGAN PRE EXPEDITION!! I thought a lot during the summer about how i imagine her when she was younger participating a lot in her local queer spaces(which is how she meets mariana), helping organise events and stuff, which is especially funny bcuz i imagine a lot of people clocked her as transfem but she just didn't have a clue 😭😭 she thought she was just a quirky gay man her entire life... I also imagine she tried many hobbies in her life, especially the ones that require handy work like drawing, pottery, knitting ect ect, i think she ended up enjoying these the most. I think shes the type of gal that loves the cycle actually now that i think of it. I dont think she's super sporty or anything but cycling sounds like something she'd enjoy. Anyways, thank you also for the recs!!! I've been planning to watching scavenger's reign for sooooo looong but never got to it, despite watching the first ep and really enjoying it. This is a sign to finally do it.... Never heard of harold halibut though, ill make sure to check it out, thank you!! Sending lots of love to you anon you're very sweet

[its-all-papaya]

10?

(Truly not a pity ask, I love love love your work and am interested in what your fav lit is :) )

get to know me

ty :,) srry i was dramatic i know u guys care sometimes :,)

10. What's your favorite book?

gOD. this is an impossible question because i personally don't really have "favorite" anythings. perhaps i take the word too literally, but i'm like... different things for different times, yk? my favorite song driving to work is different from my favorite song laying in bed is different from my favorite song while walking. and idk if you were around when i used to yap incessantly on here about this, but i was an english lit major at a university with honestly a FANTASTIC lit curriculum, so i have read A Lot of things all across the board. aNYWAY. giving you two edit: three. sorry.

the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series truly transformed me as a youth. I read them (probably too early) the summer before sixth grade, and the memories of reading specifically bridget's and tibby's storylines while laying in the grass in the front yard of my parents' house... are really important to me. I've done two partial rereads since then and i honestly just... LOVE. still. the way Ann Brashares portrays friendships as they develop and people change. i need to reread again, but that series is very dear to me. "comfort" favorite book.

the BEST book i've ever read is Go Tell It On the Mountain by James Baldwin. there were literally ten to twelve times during the read that i had to stop and stare at a wall because the descriptions of guilt and religion were so extremely on-point for me as a functional pastor's kid who was Going Through It with the concept of god at the time i read it. i also need to reread this but truly truly truly this book made me who i am. i take so much of my writing inspo from Baldwin because his descriptions are SO FUCKING GOOD.

"And he feared to make a vow before Heaven until he had the strength to keep it. And yet he knew that until he made the vow he would never find the strength." GODDDD IT MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR MY OWN LIMBS OFF

honorable mention to The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith (the book the movie Carol is based on) which i read in the same class that assigned me Baldwin. the descriptions of having sex with a man while not being attracted to men are SOOOOOO poignant as well.

"Now she felt miserable and ashamed, sorry for herself and for him, because it was so impossible, and so embarrassing because she didn't want it. There was always that tremendous block of not even wanting to try it, which reduced it all to a kind of wretched embarrassment and nothing more, each time he asked her." like YES. THAT IS WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE. this class had me by the mf throat, i truly owe that professor my life.

thank you thank you thank you for asking, i looooove talking about literature. i always tell ppl that i think my true calling in life is to be an english professor, but sadly i can't rlly afford a PhD, so. yapping on the internet will have to do.

[borom1r]

1, 8, 17, 18, 20, 41, 45, 54, 93 for the non-fandom asks, 1, 3, 5-7, 12, 18-22, 24 for the fandom asks 🫡👀

THIS HAS BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG + I ANSWERED IT IB MY NOTES AND JUST FUCKING FORGOT TO POST IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

plush boromir:3 hes so Shaped

8. favorite coping mechanism?

uuuuuuuuuuu noise cancelling headphones + loud music

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

YES. I want to get one on my upper arm — there’s an artist I really like who’s done free-to-use art + im going to get a piece of his tattooed w/ kennings for Óðinn and Þórr above + below

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

I still vividly remember this dream I had in high school where my alarm for school went off, I got up and went to start making myself toast and fucking. Michael Myers walks up from the basement (the garage door/basement stairs were just off the kitchen) + we stared at each other and my only thought before my Actual alarm went off was “damn, guess I better make more toast”

20. whats your ideal date?

REN FEST!!!!!!! unironically my local fest hosts weddings and I would. really really like to get married there in full armor. even if it’s just for tax benefits smjfjdjjfjdj

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!!!!!!

45. do you prefer book over movie?

depends :3 ummmm a lot of times I think there are pros n cons to both mediums. sometimes I love a movie but also think the book is WAY better even if the movie is a masterpiece in its own right (a clockwork orange… cutting off the original ending to the book completely fucks the point of the story I think. I adore that movie but if you’ve never read the book…. 😑)

54. whats your best hottake?

my BEST????? idfk dude. my CURRENT hot take is that the changes the made to Faramir’s character for the movie were Good, Actually

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

wolf hat :3 AND my leather jacket w all my patches

1. What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?

uuuuu like active online a part of… probs like. idek dude probably the fucking Warriors (1979 movie not cat books)

3. All-time favorite pairing?

I’m a spangel truther and I have been since middle school, so ig that

5. Favorite platonic pairing?

big fan of Boromir&Éowyn like obvs Boromir&Faramir + Théodred&Éomer&Éowyn bc they are Family but if we’re talking non-blood relations then I think Boromir&Éowyn is an excellent platonic pairing

6. Favorite headcanon?

I’ve almost called Boromir a faggot multiple times on instinct, so that. also transgender Faramir (what direction? you decide. they contain multitudes < I personally adore a he/they/te transmasc. I think te and Aragorn should both be allowed to use Sindarin pronouns. get funky with it)

7. Least favorite headcanon?

HRM. there are SOME utterly rancid takes from my SAW fandom days that I still think abt. evil. I shan’t speak of those times in public.

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom?

uh. idk?? I used to run a rlly popular ask blog for the characters of The Warriors (1979) that I believe is still out there?? lmao ok yea it is i just checked. that’s so funny that it’s still out there actually snfksjfjjs

18. All-time favorite fanfic?

that I’ve READ or that I’ve WRITTEN????

to read, literally anything Connor @angeltrapz has written but I’ll specifically drop this Princess Bride fic💗 https://archiveofourown.org/works/41272767?view_adult=true (TUMBLR WONT LET ME ACTUALLY LINK THE FIC EVIL AND HATEFUL. I can paste it + it generates a link tho. functioning fucking app)

fav that I’ve written…. highkey this one

19. Fanfic you read again and again?

other people’s fics?? this whole series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/183362

my own fics? literally any of my Faramir/Éomer fics that pairing is so fun

20. All-time favorite fanfic author?

CONNOR ANGELTRAPZ MY BESTIE!!!!!!!! also YOU duh????? ik it’s not fanfic Technically but like. BOY the rp is. creative project of all time perhaps?

21. Favorite fic trope?

i am a weak bitch for a good soulmate au. esp when there’s like. drama. im not exposing myself just know i think abt soulmate aus A Lot. < can u tell this has been sitting in my notes for A While lmfao

22. Least favorite fic trope?

idek???? I think any trope can be Done Well like I don’t normally enjoy chatfics but I’ve also read. some really good chatfics!! write what u love who cares

24. Funniest fandom-related story?

I’m gonna be so real w u I got into drama w a Lost Boys fandom mogul bc I was. A Homosexual and A Kinnie and they were NOT happy abt the fact I was like “yea all the lost boys are fucking.” I didn’t even know what to say abt that really. take it up w famously gay director Joel Schumacher if you don’t like me. A NOTORIOUS FAGGOT. going “yea I think these characters in a film directed by a gay man are gay”

this exact situation has happened to me 3 times across various fandoms. <- is just trying to sit in my little kinnie corner + be a weird fag in peace

[prettyboykatsuki]

i’m so over this new era of newgen watchers of rlly anything if i’m being honest. i’m gonna sound gatekeepy and annoying but i’m willing to put up with it if it means i get to rant about this to someone who might understand. i just idk maybe it’s just me but i feel like back then interacting with media wasn’t this popular? not just anime but shows in general i’ll go as far as to say book and movies also? like before covid i know lots of people who would tell me they didn’t watch tv n i feel like after it specially with the rise of tik tok these new watchers don’t know how to interact with said media?? n demonize any kind of movie or show that isn’t ideologically pure?? like idk i just see people n maybe it’s cause i’m on tik tok a lot so maybe it’s on me but i just feel like they don’t know how to watch stuff if it makes sense?? n get fake morally outraged at anything n anyone💀💀 i feel like they never learned how to take the characters out of the context of a story n enjoy them as separate entities?? idk like watching media has become this pseudo intellectual experience where these creators pat themsleves on the back for saying a bunch of words that mean nothing rlly as long as they sound smart. n it’s pissing me off. of course i think there should always be some kind of discourse revolving the stories we are watching but idk💀💀 ik it’s not important what a bunch of teens think of a show i watch but also i’ve seen the power of tik tok n it can be a lil scary thinking about the way they can just influence public opinion if making a tik tok about colleen hoover got z library taken down n the guys who made the site sent the prision

HELLO ANON YOU SENT THIS MANY DAYS AGO AND I REALLY WANTED TO GET TO IT WHEN I HAD A BIT OF FREE TIME AND THAT TIME IS NOW

so the tldr for this is that i agree. like. i don't really think this opinion is gatekeepy at all and i think its one of those things that on the surface seems unimportant but it speaks to how society is function (or in this instance... not function)

there's like. a lot of layers to this particular issue that i think would be very difficult to dissect meaningfully on here but i will try my best to try and explain my viewpoint of what it is. i actually talked about it on my sideblog the other day and i think we're sort of harping on the same point

we're always talking about media literacy on this app and how it's important and a lot of the time - i get feedback from people saying it isn't that deep. sometimes i'm inclined to agree, but i think more and more i'm coming to terms with how people are becoming increasingly... dependent? on escapism and fiction to give them moral guidance and substantiate their own goodness.

it happens especially in teens, especially younger teens but i think young adults aren't exempt from this either.

and the reason i think this is happening is because because of late stage capitalism and the increasingly predatory attempts to market off of fandom culture through sanitization.

this obsession with ideological purity and the lack of empathy towards real human beings is basically one long response to that collective state of exhaustion. 2020 was a year that showed companies how profitable fandom could be and in attempts to increase that profit - there was action taken both in the production and marketability causing the actual processing of content to become extremely evangelical and morally pure.

late stage capitalism has also created a sense of isolation. in karl marx theory of alienation - he details this phenomenon better than i ever could. but the basic concept is that the larger the gap becomes between the proletariat and their labor, the more people will lose touch with their humanity. and in that their sense of self. we're effectively seeing that happen in real time, and it's explanation for all the invasions of privacy, casual bullying, and generally lacking sense of self that people experience.

when you take extremely sanitized media and people estranged from a clear identity - you create a breed of people who are aimlessly seeking to become part of something in order to reconnect. no matter how negative or dangerous (which is also why we've seen a major increase in violent and cult like reform / fringe movements). when production of that media is so fast and so easily available, you get people who are mindlessly consuming things and creating these incredibly pseudo-intellectual and nonsensical debates in order to feel connected to that false identity.

i don't think it's gatekeepy to point out that this is happening. this obsession with creating fake moral panic about problematic and entirely fictious media is doing almost exactly what it's supposed - which is taking away real and legitimate critique of the world around us by ensuring and reinforcing that ideological purity and goodness can be bought in sold much in the same way we buy a can of coke off the shelf.

if you watch the right movies, and read the right books and watch the right shows you can be good without any effort. that's what people are often convincing themselves of. because its both messy and exhausting to confront that goodness within a human being is deeply complex and easier to uphold these weird and impossible beliefs.

[owen-not-carvour]

to preface this,, 2 things: 1) i wrote the first half of this Before the talia discourse. i have since Edited a lot of it bc i don’t want to be misconstrued But i still wanted to say the stuff i wanted to say originally as well. 2) i have written this over the course of a month and a half so. some of the stuff i mentioned might not be as prominent/has since been resolved, etc. or just might not make a whole lot of sense in general,,, that being said:

my thoughts on talia are.. whatever This is ig:

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. i genuinely can’t decide how i want to think abt talia..

on one hand it’d be great if she was Real bc awww mischa!! like even if she wasnt exactly what he thought she was just the way he Cares for her is so incredible… but on the other hand. it is so fucking funny to think abt her just being noel In Some Way (but also lowkey sad. we will get to that. Very Long Post ahead..)

what’s got me Once Again thinking abt this is that one part of talia where mischa says the thing abt wanting to (slight paraphrasing i think) “take all the pain from your soul and transform it into functional joy” which,, 1) is super fucking sweet omfg like he truly loves her so much !! and 2) also rlly shows the Depth of mischa and talias relationship! (well. ofc it does. they Were engaged after all) but fr. it means that even though they were never an In Person relationship,, mischa genuinely loved cared so much for her despite that and never Truly knowing her and just. i love that he is a character that gets to just. Love so deeply and gets a chance to Show that yknow.

i’m so glad they made talia more than just a running joke abt mischa’s Internet Girlfriend™️ yknow. like that’s still funny and all but it’s cool to see his character completely change from this version of himself that everyone else sees him as (which i mean. isn’t entirely wrong. he Is very angry,, but that’s not all there is to him ofc. 2 emotions remember..) to his true self,, which they All do.. but i think mischa definitely has the most Deviation in his yknow. and overall it’s just such a cool way to show that.

but Anyway what i mean is that it also must mean talia and mischa really like. Talked to each other!! ofc he could just be talking in the general sense (wedding vows are like that ig) but at the same time,, it also makes it seem like talias rlly going through something yknow (which is Also is an interesting noel point.. more on that Below though) and just!! mischa Genuinely cares and loves her and just AHHHHHH!! i want what they have (aside from him being dead ofc)

anyway back to noel…

before i say Anything else, here’s my actual opinion on the noel catfish theory: i think it’s funny, yes, but only as a Concept bc it’s just So outlandish. ofc there are hella holes in it, but that’s also why i think of it as more of a joke rather than being truly serious. mischa and noel are both such strong characters and i Know what the catfish theory Does to noel. it really does ruin him. bc like. yeah.. yikes.

also i think it’s important to note what my reasoning behind noel being talia is in my mind (see below).. bc Yeah the further you go with it the rockier it gets,, especially once you get to the actual Romantic parts of talia (the song) and the aftermath… which is why it’s better as a Concept and nothing more bc i LOVE how deeply mischa loves talia, as mentioned, and i don’t want to lose that.. also bc i think that if noel Were talia he wouldn’t do it like That.. so i think This and the usual line of Catfish Noel should be 2 separate things.. (god i hope that made sense)

because really. i think calling my interpretation of talia-noel a catfish isn’t correct. bc catfish means there are Negative Intentions yknow. i think talia-noel would mostly be like… a barrier of sorts. between noel and mischa. and this is why it works better as a Concept than placed into the actual show!!

like noel seems like he Could be the type to make a whole fake profile in an odd attempt to just get closer to a guy he’s interested in (i don’t even necessarily mean romantically either. legit just like wanting to be friends w him or something works too) Without actually interacting with mischa yknow (bc that way noel doesn’t have to deal w him Actually reacting to him as himself, if that makes sense... especially since they’d still have to see each other in choir yknow) but like.. he’s still mostly acting like himself though,, just under the Name talia.. this was raised from the Mostly Positive feedback left on mischa’s videos. that just feels like something noel would do.. but even so. i feel like he Would just talk to mischa basically as himself but.. just while calling himself talia.. so like,, later on,, they’ve gotten rlly close (obviously) so like. noel has a shitty day he can just vent to mischa As Talia abt it,, you get what i mean..

so like in this way of thinking abt it i guess it’s actually close to Completely different bc i’m practically taking out all the romantic aspect of it?? pretty much the only thing that’s the same is. talia as a name i think..

anyway,, the best way of thinking abt noel as talia in Any sense is the Code Name Talia thing bc YESSSSS that erases any problems in it and it’s just. overall Better. whoever made that i Love you :)

now the Last thing i’m gonna talk about: why noel interrupts karnak when he offers to show mischa what Could’ve been between him and talia. just for the record yknow.

it’s NOT a selfish decision That’s For Sure!!!

that’s just the type of person noel is. he feels SO deeply for people and just Genuinely doesn’t want to see mischa heartbroken, no matter the outcome. (bc like. it Could go either way. a) mischa finds out he Doesn’t end up w talia and is fucked up abt that for Obvious reasons or b) he finds out he Would’ve ended up w her and is upset abt being Dead and unable to fulfill that— and noel just doesn’t want to see him distraught abt it either way bc he Cares)

tldr: i don’t like the catfish noel theory for what it is bc i like how Good mischa’s relationship w talia is and portrays his true self and also bc how noel stopping him from hearing the Outcome of what could’ve been portrays how much he actually cares abt the choir really well. but i Do like to think of noel getting closer to mischa as talia in a non catfish/non romantic sense, either through code name talia or noel basically still being Himself and talking to mischa, just under the Name talia bc mischa would be more likely to accept him if he were Talia rather than noel yknow (think of it Kinda like monique in a way-just more like a front for noel than a whole other Character though)

[mayday505]

Mafia boss yosano headcanon??? I need??? To know more??? Ur doing so great!!

AAAA HI !! AND THANK YOU THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME :(( Okay so i've p much said most about the mafia and Yosano that i can in other asks, so im mostly gonna focus on the ripple effect of her absence in the ADA on this one!!!!

So because in canon, the ADA has the ability to face off with the mafia with little to no consequence because of Yosano's ability (sans Dazai) its a reeeaaaallly interesting concept to think about the ramifications of basically the whole plot and how the ADA functions if she wasn't there to constantly patch them up.

In this AU, Dazai, after his encounter with Yosano and Mori, is found on the streets by Ranpo and Fukuzawa, who take him in. So essentially, the ADA is less of a physical powerhouse, and more of a cunning/intelligent organisation in the au.

(once again forcing my hcs on you. I want competitive siblings Ranpo and Dazai okay?)

Fukuzawa, at Dazai's request, when he's a bit older, teaches him how to fight. But other than that, up until Kunikida joins, they are severely lacking in physical power and as such take on much smaller jobs, focusing on intelligence gathering and things that do not require engaging powerful enemies. As they get more staff, and Ranpo and Dazai get older, they start taking more jobs which involve engaging physically with an enemy, because Dazai knows how to fight and Fukuzawa trusts him to retreat if things get bad.

From very early on there is a deadset rule in the ADA, to never under any circumstance, engage with the mafia. They are made aware of all known members and ability users within the Mafia (however, Fukuzawa is still under the impression that Mori is alive and does not know about Yosano, since Dazai refused to tell them what happened before he was taken in) and are told to avoid them at any costs, because well. They can't exactly fix bullet holes anymore or face off against ability users without the real threat of death, even though Dazai has his nullification.

The emotional stakes are much much higher (mhm angst potential im totally not gonna use this in the future /j) as if one of them gets injured it is much more serious because there is no way for them to be healed and they'd have to get whoever was injured to the nearest hospital (which this rlly isnt relevant but from Yokohama Port the nearest is about a 20 minute drive so.... whoever be getting shot gonna dieee hahahaaa)

They take mafia matters much more seriously than in canon where its often shrugged off because of Yosano's presence. Another thing, is that because Yosano is in the mafia, the mafia is stronger and has a reputation for being almost unkillable, which makes it even harder to fight them, whilst knowing that even if they fatally injured someone, that person may well not die.

However they did agree that it is better to be AWARE of what is going on in the house of commons the mafia and to be aware of their plans, and as such the ADA has connections/informants within rival gangs that are associated with the mafia or oppose it. This allows them to avoid serious injury whilst investigating a crime related to the mafia (for example if the police call them in to investigate a murder and that murder turns out to be mafia sanctioned) and avoid running into their ability users and starting terf wars. Dazai is in charge of meeting informants and building relations with the other gangs in the Yokohama area adjacent to the port mafia. He's basically in charge of damage control and anything else relating to mafia matters. Which comes into play later for bigger things ;)

When Tanizaki and Kunikida eventually join, they have the capacity to engage more, but the methodology of "avoid the mafia (or at least certain ability users) so you dont fucking die" still stands even then. It's also important because the mafia is more ruthless under Yosano's leadership than it ever was under Mori's, meaning they would shoot to kill not to maim.

Fukuzawa basically keeps a much quieter presence with the agency in the AU, out of fear of losing his kids and workers. However obviously for plot reasons I'm chomping at the bit to write them interacting with the new dynamics.

Ranpo and Yosano, instead of being best friends, are now mortal enemies, and Dazai is somewhat mentally stable (well not really but a little bit more than canon aha). He's much more similar to Ranpo too (people will tell them they act like twins) because i adore the hc that Ranpo is how Dazai would've acted had he had a proper childhood.

ANYWAYS the post is getting too long but I looove talking about this so thank you for the ask!!! I hope it was something you enjoy reading!!

[tenyacore]

taking care of you when you're high

-> iida tenya, todoroki shoto, bakugo katsuki x gn!reader

hi so this is rlly self indulgent but i dont really care YA!! when im high i like can n o t function properly hajshdjensj so this is for all my dumbass stoner bitches out there. not the best but wtvr man WTVR OKAY also i love watching bobs burgers while high its funn ie

warnings: smoking weed, language, bit suggestive?

word count: 230 (iida), 221 (baku), 225 (todo)

alternative title: a bitch can't take care of themselves ejdksbbzslzld

check out my masterlist for more of my works!!

IIDA

♡ he doesn’t like that you smoke at all, but he still takes care of you cause it worries him.

♡ his version of taking care of you is trying to sober you up lol

♡ brings you water and snacks, lays you down and talks to you about nothing and everything

♡ to be honest, he loves talking with you when you’re high cause you make some pretty smart observations about the world sometimes

♡ “but… if you think about it… pineapples eat you while you eat them… cause of that enzyme that breaks down the proteins…” “you mean bromelain?” “yeah… haha… b r o melain”

♡ one time after you sobered up you found a tiktok that explained things that actually prove weed can be good for people in moderation and showed it to him

♡ he did his own research about it and while he still gets worried about you while you’re high, he dislikes it less

♡ one time he even tried it!! he made sure to remind you that he did it out of wanting to try it and not because he felt any sort of pressure to

♡ worked out while high?? cause he saw a video that said that weed opens up your veins or something like that

♡ ever since then he joins in with you but has never taken more than three hits so he can still take care of you

BAKUGO

♡ complains the WHOLE time its so annoying

♡ since most of his closer friends smoke he’s used to it, the smell, the way they act while high, etc.

♡ cooks for you, but refuses to do anything too complicated or go out to get ingredients cause he tells you that you should’ve thought of that before getting high

♡ nearly blows your head off when you can't stop laughing at his facial expressions

♡ on the rare occasion that he smokes with you (because, as i’ve said, his friends all mostly smoke and he’s somewhat of a social smoker) he doesn’t get high even if he smokes a whole blunt by himself

♡ he’s a heavyweight, but when he does get high he’s just a calmer version of himself

♡ kinda a horny mf too :/// but he knows that you can't fully give consent while you’re intoxicated so he waits till you’ve come down from your high a bit

♡ he’s secretly a super big softy who wants you to be the most comfortable stoned babe in the world

♡ but he puts on an annoyed face and complains the whole time so you cant tell all that well

♡ he lays down and cuddles you with his face shoved into the side of your neck

♡ puts on some show on the background while he makes out with you lol

TODOROKI

♡ thinks its funny to say really confusing things and have you just stare off wondering what the fuck he meant

♡ it doesn’t seem like he’s the type to like doing that but he just can't help it, you don't even think to ask him what he meant you're just tryna figure it out by yourself

♡ he puts you on your bed and he doesn't let you leave, cause he sees the way you wobble when you walk cause your balance is just thrown out the window

♡ he cleans up your room, wraps you in blankets, puts everything like water, snacks, more weed, the remote and other stuff near you guys so you both don't have to get up

♡ he’s gonna be sitting next to you the whole time, patting your head while you smoke

♡ puts on a weird or trippy show like the solar opposites or bobs burgers cause he likes hearing you giggle

♡ his whole plan is to try to make you giggle, since its pretty easy and he honestly just thinks you’re super cute, especially when you’re laughing or smiling

♡ the first time you start falling asleep he lightly flicks your forehead as a joke

♡ but if you fall asleep again he just smiles at you softly, plants a kiss on your forehead and then cuddles you till he falls asleep as well

[imposterogers]

I rlly like what they've done this episode and imo it's the best possible way they could've taken things post endgame. HOWEVER the problem to me will always be that steve's incomprehensible ooc ending has left everything after off kilter in a way that can't be put right without rewriting endgame. the way they've written bucky's feelings is well done and sam getting the shield is great but steve's gaping absence is undeniable. If he had died it would be like,,, a justifiable sense of offness? Like of course everything is weird if their friend was suddenly torn away from them but that isn't what happened the mf CHOSE to leave and apparently told them abt it beforehand. It's just unfixably wrong.

it’s really messed up to want your favorite character to have died but it would have made so much more sense? imo tony stark was the wrong character to kill off. he was already retired, and it would have been very easy to write around him. there was no major marvel project about his friends coming out. there was no reason a billionaire with a wife and kids and a business he can run from home would feel the obligation to continue being a superhero

steve on the other hand, pre endgame steve would never stop fighting as long as his body could allow it. even in the comics, when his body is aged to 90, he continues to fight. I’m not saying steve didn’t deserve a happy ending. because he did. but in my opinion nomad/fugitive steve was a content character. he had sam and nat by his side, he had bucky healing in wakanda. he had a family and a place in the 21st century that he had forged for himself. and he was fighting for what he believed in, not what the government told him he should believe in.

so I can see how this posed a problem, bc you want a show without steve focused on steve’s friends and learning to navigate the world without him. sending him back in time to an alt timeline was probably the worst possible choice. killing him (as emotional and sad as it would have been) would have forced this narrative without tainting/ruining his character and the relationships the character had. sam, being forced to navigate becoming cap alone. bucky, his anchor ripped away and finally experiencing what steve had already been thru twice—the death of his best friend.

how could they have done this? it’s very easy to imagine. steve hears sam’s voice in his ear. the battle ensues. but steve realizes the only way to end it is the gauntlet, and he knows it’s a suicide mission, but it wouldn’t be the first time. he jumps on the grenade and puts on the gauntlet. bucky rushes to his side. they both know he is dying. they exchange the same lines as what endgame actually gave us

steve: don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone

bucky, crying: how can I? you’re taking all the stupid with you

bucky: I’m going to miss you

steve, light slowly fading from his eyes: it’s going to be ok, buck....

(for all the st*ggy fans the fade out could have been steve dancing with peggy with fuzzy lighting, figuratively reunited)

how does sam become cap? WELL GET THIS!!! steve absolutely broken over the loss of his friends took to writing letters to them, and in one of them to sam, he writes how he always thought sam would be the best man for the job, and if he ever got the chance he’d pass the shield to him in a heart beat, and he regrets not doing it before it was too late

the beauty of it is that the show could have functioned almost exactly the same, just instead of having to remember the No Good Awful Thing steve did, they’d be genuinely mourning and learning to come to terms with his passing

[goldenhypen]

Hii so sorry for bothering you but, I love writing I’ve been doing it for a long time. I’d like to post on tumblr but I’m kinda new to it and don’t really know how to use it (gifs, text colors,…) so if it’s okay for you could you maybe teach me how to use it or give me some tips?

hiiii omg no pls don’t apologize !! i’m happy to help <3

ok hmm i’m terms of gifs, there’s a button that says “GIF” whenever you’re making a post, so if you select it, it’ll give you a large selection of gifs you can add to your posts, and you can add up to 10 per post. you can also search for particular gifs you’re looking for, and if they exist, they’ll show up. however, it’s not super common anymore, at least not in engeneblr (the enhypen side of tumblr), to use gifs on posts anymore, unless they’re gif posts of gifs ppl create, which is rlly common and so much credit to them. they’re just as hardworking as us writers! also, fyi, in the GIF function, all those selections of gifs are previously made gifs by ppl on tumblr. meaning, you can actually make your own gifs if you wanted to. however, i’ve never done that before, so i can’t tell you how to do that, sorry sjsjsj ,, also, what i’ve noticed, generally, is that for fics, posts with gifs don’t tend to be as popular as ones with a banner or moodboard, if that’s what you’re using it for. so ig that can lead me to my next point…

here on tumblr, and you can see this with any of my works which you can find in my masterlist (which is basically a library writers create to keep all their works in one place) and you can find my masterlist on my pinned post at the top of my blog. and so yeah, you can look at some of my works for reference as to what a moodboard/banner looks like. and i made a survey a while ago for writers to get insight on what readers prefer (which if you want, you can later check it out, also linked on my pinned post) and readers said what often draws them to fics are the moodboard/banners at the top of the fic post.

in terms of text colours, in that same survey, many readers pointed out that the use of many text colours and fonts is often a turn off. obviously this doesn’t apply to every reader; there are many works on this site that uses lots of text colours and fonts and receive much success, but yeah this just applies to some readers. in terms of how many readers, i don’t exactly know. but ik many have said they do not prefer reading a fic with many text colours. some have also said they don’t like reading fics with the small text (the way you get that is by selecting the text you want to make small and then press the function that basically looks like this “<s>”), but again, there are many fics that have small text that receive lots and lots of recognition, but some readers have expressed that it’s v hard for them to read when done so, however, some find it more aesthetic to have the small text. personally, i don’t use the small text anymore for the actual story part of my works.

but yeah just experimenting and getting experience hands on and learning from what works and what doesn’t (whether that be from your own works or other writers’ works) is v helpful, and that was the way i learned as well. i rlly hope this helps you get started tho :) also, i obviously don’t know how experienced you are with tumblr, so i hope some of this stuff wasn’t just going over stuff you already know, and i hope this was helpful :) there was A LOT that i didn’t cover, so pls lmk what other things you would like help with, if any, like the basics of how to use tumblr, i’m not sure if that would be helpful for you? but i could find you a post on the basic algorithms and stuff if that would help. and yeah if you want me to get into anything else, pls don’t hesitate to lmk. i’m happy to help!

[raydaug]

I found Sayaka’s speech to Yumeko just b4 their gamble rlly funny bc she’s talking about how Yumeko is so terrible for driving ppl to desperation and having no other goal than her own entertainment when she’s obsessed with a woman who does the exact same for seemingly the no different reasons

I like this question a lot. There’s a lot to chew on here, so thank you. 

You are right, Yumeko and Kirari are very much two sides of the same coin.But just as the metaphor implies, even though they share a common starting point (gambling), they face out in opposite directions. 

Visually, Kirari and Yumeko seem to be playing on the Red and Blue Oni myth, with Yumeko’s primary color being red and her personality being very...passionate, and Kirari’s primary visual signifier being blue while also having and much cooler personality. 

However, at this point, I think it’s just a visual reference or a simple coincidence. For those unaware, the myth of the Red and Blue Oni is, extremely loosely, that a Red Oni (Japanese Demon) wanted to befriend some humans, but he couldn’t because they saw him as a monster. His friend, the Blue Oni, decides to help him by pretending to attack the village so the Red Oni can fight him off. It works and the humans accept the Red Oni, but he can no longer see his old friend the Blue Oni now because the humans are scared of him. 

While if you squint hard enough, you could potentially see some similarities in this tale between Kirari and Yumeko, and it’s not impossible that the story going forward shapes into something like the above, as things stand right now I don’t see too many similarities beyond the visual motifs of the characters. There is another famous dichotomy that Kirari and Yumeko mirror, and this one has much more textual support; 

God and Satan.

Yumeko as Satan fits neatly into the most modern depictions of the Christian Devil. Yumeko is a seducer. She’s disarmingly attractive, sweet and polite, and uses these aspects of herself to  tempt people into giving in to their base desires for her amusement. Hell, Kirari outright calls Yumeko a “snake in the garden.” (CORRECTION: only in the anime) This is a reference both to Yumeko’s name (Jabami means “snake eater”) as well as the Book of Genesis, when Eve is tempted Satan in the form of a snake into disobeying God’s edict and eating the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil (keep in mind that this is a specifically Chrstian reading of Genesis, as the Devil as a singular embodiment of evil is not an idea that’s really present in the Torah). 

Kirari as God is much less obvious, but it’s still there if you are willing to dig a little.For starters, Japan, generally speaking, tends to view Christianity at best with curiosity and at worst with skepticism. There’s a tradition of portraying Chrstianity, or religions modeled after Christianity as the case may be, as evil or corrupt, primarily based on the rigid hierarchical structure of Christian Denominations (Catholicism in particular), which Shinto and Buddhism (the predominant religions of Japan, don’t really share. Kirari is at the head of Hyakkaou, her aquarium ,her Eden, with the student council as the enforcers of her will.

More specifically to Kirari though, Kirari seems to be riffing on the old theological and philosophical conundrum of the Problem of Evil. The Problem (or Question sometimes) of Evil is “if God is all good, all powerful, and all knowing, then why do bad things happen in the world?” The most common answer to this qandry is free will. God gave his creations free will and allows them to use it. 

This is the biggest and most important separation between Yumeko and Kirari. Yumeko pushes people to do things against their will for her own amusement. You can see this in her gamble with Mary where she boxes Mary into a corner but upping the stakes to a ridiculous level, or when she forced Manyuda to gamble with or, or with her second gamble with Yumemi when Yumemi was simply content to share the stage with Sumika but that wasn’t good enough for Yumeko. Yumeko is happy to be a nice, charming girl when you play along with her, but when you deny her her fun, she’ll drag you kicking and screaming back to the card table. 

In contrast, Kirari never makes people do things against their will and is a major advocate for people living according to their own desires. She sets up the games, explains the terms, but ultimately it’s the player’s choice if they choose to participate. We see this most clearly in the Tower of Doors arc. Kirari explains the terms of the gamble clearly and explicitly to Sayaka. She doesn’t ever withhold information, and she asks for Sayaka and Yumeko’s consent twice before starting the game, giving them both opportunities to back out if they didn’t want to continue. We see also in her conversation with Terano in Chapter 82 that she’s trying to push Terano to exercise her own free will instead of always prioritizing the needs of others over her own. 

Kirari gives people tools and watches what they do with them, while Yumeko pics up those tools and starts hitting everything she can with them. 

It is that distinction that I think Sayaka is calling out and how she can justify her attraction to and association with Kirari while viewing Yumeko with disdain. Kirari created something, a logical (if perverse) system that operates on cause and effect, input and output. Kirari doesn’t make people house pets. If you can pay your dues to the Student Council you never have to touch card or dice. And if you must gamble, Kirari isn’t forcing the student body to gamble more that they can afford and fall into debt. 

Yumeko in contrast is a force of destruction in the school. She upended the logical and orderly function of Hyakkaou and made one person a house pet and consigned another to a life plan for no other reason than her amusement. And that is arguably more monstrous than anything Kirari has done.

Akso, let me be abundantly clear: I AM NOT SAYING KIRARI AND YUMEKO ARE LITERALLY GOD AND THE DEVIL. Just that there is metaphor and allegory at play here.

[kyber-crystal]

fluff alphabet || poe dameron

a/n: for @jangohshit​!! sorry this was so late—i thought it was queued already but oh welp ,.,.,., thank u for being literally one of the best mutuals anyone could ever ask for <3 also leia is peak mom material in this friendly warning :) angst to fluff thrown in, as well

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

we all know he’s the most affectionate person ever despite his seemingly intimidating persona—he loves giving you forehead kisses, back hugs, and picking you up and spinning you around when he gets the chance. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

the friendship started because leia had introduced you to him. you ended up clicking right away and spent nearly every waking moment you had together to the point that the entire black squadron would joke about how you and poe shared one functional braincell (i mean, they weren’t entirely wrong). he’s very overprotective—one time you tripped and fell off a ladder while helping rey fix something and he was freaking out about it more than you were. and you were completely fine, asides from a few scratches. again, the squadron loves teasing him about his ‘mama bear’ persona that he develops when he’s around you

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

YES. poe absolutely loves cuddling. he’ll take any chance he gets to hug you—whether that’s hugging you from behind during meetings, running into your arms when reuniting after a mission, or wrapping his arms around you as you relaxed with him and the others by the campfire several nights. you rarely ever slept alone, it was always you sleeping together in yours or his room, and jessika or finn would have to run in and wake you up several times in a row because you got too comfortable and nearly overslept. in short, you and him are attached at the hip

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

it was a mutual agreement between you two that you’d settle down and get married once the war was finally over. you hadn’t had many opportunities to actually sit and talk about it so the conversation was often brought up late at night when nobody else was awake.

poe isn’t the greatest ever at being tidy, but he isn’t bad at cleaning up stuff when he needs to—and any messiness is made up for with his beyond amazing cooking skills. he’s constantly pressured week after week to cook for everyone because the first time he’d made something it was love at first taste. now he’s dubbed the ultimate pilot and sous chef of the resistance

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

if you had to break it off with each other, it would be because of the war. getting into a relationship while trying to fight for your lives could put you into a compromising position and poe hated knowing that he could lose you at any point. this ultimately led to a huge argument—coincidentally, right before you left for an eight week-long mission. there were many tears involved.

you wouldn’t get together right after you claimed victory, but instead, took time building your relationship back up again before finally doing so. there were no real hard feelings involved—it was just a matter of reconstruction :3

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

once poe is committed to something, he’s committed—he’s in it for the long run. of course, he wants to make sure you’re comfortable first before anything else—and in terms of marriage, he’ll probably wait about a year or two. nothing too fancy. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

even though poe knows that you’re one hell of a fighter and can take practically anything that’s thrown at you, he’s very very gentle with you—same goes emotionally. he knows you’ve also been through a lot and makes sure to constantly remind you that you’re not alone and that if you ever needed someone to turn to, he’d always be here. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

alright, this man NEVER misses an opportunity to hug you. hugs from behind, picking you up and spinning you around until both of you got dizzy, surprising you and then hugging you, holding you in his arms to help you fall asleep after a nightmare, you name it. you joke around about how you don’t need therapy when you have his arms within reach :)

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

he says it first. you recalled it being after you returned from a quick little recon with a few other pilots and ran straight into his arms (as always, because mans loves getting hugs from you yk). 

“I love you.”

“I know,” you responded.

“I taught her that!” -han, shouting as he approached. “You really didn’t think to say hi to me first?”

“Dad.”

poe only laughs and kisses you again.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

ooooof so when poe’s jealous, he doesn’t like to show it but you can tell when he is. it’ll be little death stares from across the room or tightening his arm around your waist, even if it’s another squadron member jokingly flirting with you

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

poe’s kisses are either very gentle or very passionate—it depends. he likes kissing you on the lips but he loves forehead kisses the most. it gives him a sense of protection over you and he loves knowing you’re his special person :3

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

the kids absolutely LOVE him. you always get this warm & fuzzy feeling inside whenever you see him interacting with the younger ones on base; sometimes he’ll catch you staring and just winks at you in response (this little shit KNOWS how he makes you feel and loves it)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

it’s pretty relaxed most of the time (that is, if it’s the weekend or you’re on break) and poe likes to stay in and cuddle for a little bit before you actually get out of bed. if not, both of you are up at the crack of dawn LOL. you often start off the day with a relaxing morning walk around the base before settling down to eat :)

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

on nights that neither of you can fall asleep, you’ll go outside and stargaze. it’s a very soothing habit you’ve learned to develop and 9/10 times it has one of you (it’s usually you) nearly knocked out cold after just an hour or two. (poe also sees this as an excuse to carry you back inside in his arms)

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

poe’s naturally a very open person but there are some things he prefers to keep to himself. but once he fully trusts you he tells you everything—though this takes maybe a couple months or so. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

both of you are aware he’s the more impatient of the pair, although when it comes to you he doesn’t mind waiting. when putting that aside, his patience runs a little bit more thin.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

alright mans knows you like the back of his hand. literally. like. the back. of your hand. everyone on base knows it, too—he remembers the smallest of things about you that even you don’t remember sometimes. this was the biggest giveaway for him that told everyone he was most certainly in love with you. you can guess who hosted your surprise birthday that one night after exegol : ‘)

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

your first kiss—not just because it was a first, but because of how it happened. it started pouring heavily as soon as you returned from a mission and everyone ended staying outside and having a giant water fight. while high on adrenaline, you jumped straight into his arms and before either of you had the chance to think, his lips were on yours and you were kissing underneath the stormy sky. everyone stopped what they were doing halfway and noticed, lowkey it looked like some scene from the notebook (arguably more romantic)

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

even though the two of you claim to share one braincell, poe is very very protective over you no matter how much you protest and claim you were capable of taking care of yourself. usually he’s the one who’s more freaked out about any injuries you get. other than you understood that you had to look out for each other and stick by each other no matter the cost—a promise you two intended to keep for as long as you possibly could.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

a lot. he’s very, very extra. very. han pokes fun at him sometimes for it but he too, was initially like that with leia so he can’t really argue—so instead, whenever poe’s in need of help with planning stuff he’s off to the rescue : ‘) fam rlly went from “no, you are NOT dating my daughter” to “why haven’t you guys gotten married yet?” one time for your birthday, with the help of your parents and the entire black squadron, he put on an entire air show for you complete with firework displays, and needless to say you were head over heels that night. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he doesn’t sleep. poe has a very fucked up sleep schedule and often counts on you to remind him to get some rest—you found him working on his x wing one night and he told you he hadn’t slept in the past thirty-six hours—after which you scolded him and dragged him to bed. he ended up dozing off until noon 0_0

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

he’s not very concerned. though when he notices you staring or whenever you compliment him about his looks it does boost his ego :)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

oh definitely. so much to the point that it has also become a joke among fellow rebels, even your parents (leia often tells you that she’s worried he won’t function properly unless you’re around and tbh she isn’t wrong lol). you’re his soulmate and other half whom he wouldn’t trade for the world

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

poe has the best taste in music. straight up. nobody argues nor complains when he’s in charge of music for the day, they’re always satisfied with whatever tunes he’s playing throughout the base and it puts everyone into a good mood

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

lack of respect. being inconsiderate. coldhearted. you’re thankfully none of these and for that very reason he’d chosen you—you’re everything he could ever ask for in a person

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

poe doesn’t snore, but he has a SOLID iron grip when fast asleep. “best friends always sleep in each other’s beds!” he’d claim as he crawled in next to you many nights and fell asleep hugging you very tightly. everyone knew it was again, an excuse to get closer to you. but you didn’t mind : ‘)

[pinkykitten]

everything stays

chapter 1 - blood on her hands :: gisela klein [ an aot oc story ] 

note: hey guys i know its been a rlly long time since ive posted anything and u may be rlly let down and underwhelmed that ive chosen to write a aot oc instead of fanfic but its what i want to write and i rlly love my oc and wanna give her some love and some praise and let u a little in how i see her. im sorry i havent posted a lot im going to try to write more and who knows i may or may not finish this but its ok imma try lol but life sometimes is a butthole. i hope you love her as much as i do an tysm for taking time out of ur day to read this story. enjoy!

Even though she knew that this day would have to come and that it was near, it still was a surprise for her. She was taken aback. It didn’t make sense and add up to her; she was trained for this since she was little; preparing mentally and physically for phase one of the plan; and the day appeared through the trees; past the wall; the opportunity was present; the fate of the people were waiting in their hands; and yet she felt a sense of evilness within her heart. Was this right? But there was no time. 

The day was written down in history. The stories were spread around like a disease. Heights, jaws, teeth, feet, stench, the screams. If they survived that nightmare they were seen as a tough soldier; as someone that was applauded because they probably had PTSD and had to see everyday as a reason within themselves or God that they were alive. That maybe just maybe they were saved for a reason; for a purpose. That is what Gisela Klein thought. Maybe there was something greater out there for her to do, to accomplish and that was why she saw another day; breathed another breath. 

But one thing was for sure. Forgiveness would never come her way; she would never expect it. To be a warrior she had to endure the horror; the pain; feelings of worthlessness; and friendships lost. 

This is the story of the 10th finding titan; the Slash Titan.

The pounding of her heart rang through her ears. It had taken everything for her to keep going on this journey; to continue on the path to and through Hell. She felt a loss within her and the light in her eyes died out. The loss of her friend made it hard for her to function. To keep her head in the game and in the plan. 

She sighed as she stared at her hands. Broken and bruised like her heart; scars and scratches scattered on her skin. Her bite mark deeply engraved into her flesh. She heaved a huge sigh. Ready to give death a handshake and make a deal with the devil. Panic was rising in her chest from her stomach, almost ready to throw up. 

As she thought about her family back home she realized there was no other way; she had to do this. In order to be with her family, to save them she had to do the one thing she was trained to do. 

Kill.

A lightning strike shot over the wall. The wall that kept the monsters away and at bay. Something was wrong; the air seemed to change. The lightning strike caused a boom, clap and the ground started to shake. 

Bertholdt drew his leg back and with full force swung his leg forward, knocking a hole into the wall that was impenetrable. Many people flew back from the wind of the blow and some were crushed by the debris of the wall. 

Many were going to die; but it’s what needed to be done. 

The titans were called. 

Finally the titans entered the devils homes and started to rip up their lives. “This is right, this is right.” Gisela had to keep reminding herself. “For my family.” And something snapped within her. The image of her mother, tortured, flashed in her mind. And suddenly everything was worth it. “No regrets.”

Gisela eyed Reiner, an agreement, a sign. She exhaled and in a quick motion placed her hand to her mouth and bit into it. In a spark she transformed into her titan form. Her eyes were much like a cats, sharp. She was made into the slash titan, she was chosen for this program. Her titans fingers were like sharp knives, able to cut any object or person. They hung a little past her knees. 

Reiner then transformed and both stomped past the hole. Many citizens glanced up, horrified. Gisela and Reiner were titans never seen before. 

She nodded to Reiner, bent down and started to pick up debris and pieces of houses to throw over the bigger wall. The chunks started to smash against people. Blood splattering everywhere. Gisela almost wanted to close her eyes from the immense amount of dead bodies piled on top of others, graves upon graves. 

She was hauling boulders as high and fast as she could. Her titan held a high amount of power and strength. Being slim, muscular and as tall as the armored titan and female titan. Reiner took a step back and gained his speed to go onward to destroy the bigger wall. 

“Fire!” Their soldiers cried out. Fear evident on their face. They shot their cannons, not even slowing down Reiner. Gisela continued flinging, wanting to create a path for Reiner. She was faster than before and many of her hits flattened the men in the front lines. Their screams and cries loud. 

“Close the gate!” They tried, it was their last hope to save humanity. But it was not enough. Reiner broke the wall and killed those running and they went flying. They reached even higher than Gisela. It astounded her almost, they seemed like helpless birds flying high in the sky; but that thought was quickly wiped clean because the second they flew up in the air they came straight down with much force that many parts of their bodies broke. 

Reiner did what he needed to do, he opened up a way for the titans to get in and they were swarming by the bunches. 

In the distance, the survivors fled in boats across the river to get into the other walls. Gisela put herself in their shoes for a second. They had reason to be scared. Everything they have ever known was gone; their houses, loved ones, food, a place to feel the most comfortable you can feel despite situations; it was all gone. Gisela shook the thought out, not caring about these cruel humans feelings. They had none. No emotions. Gisela had to believe that thought; what she was told, she had to believe it with all her heart, or else what was real?

They waited till they were able to not be seen and Gisela turned human first and then so did Reiner. The four of them hopped on the boat. Talking amongst themselves. The wind howled through the vacant homes. Destruction everywhere. Gisela looked around her setting and saw a little girl had been crushed because a tree fell on her, her doll mere inches away from her grasp. She died with her eyes open; almost looking into Gisela’s soul through the eyes. Gisela’s body trembled and she threw up. 

“Don’t.”

Gisela looked up to see Reiner wiping blood and debris off his clothes. He picked his sleeve and turned Gisela’s head to look away, he wiped her chin and mouth off the puke. He saw the trauma in her eyes and felt guilty. But it’s what needed to be done. He kept telling himself that the more he did this the more he would understand and get used to it. It was still all new to her and he had to be strong for her. He knelt in front of her small frame. “It’s not your fault. They needed to die. We are in this together. You don’t need them. Look at me.”

Gisela looked into his eyes, away from the sadness. His eyes carried the feeling of wanting to be wanted. That was always what Reiner wanted. But they also had fear in his eyes. 

“Stop acting like you’re in control when I know how sick you feel. I know how afraid you are Reiner.”

He paused and took a look at his hands and others surrounding him. “You’re right. But I made a promise to Marcel.”

They joined the other citizens arriving at the food reserves. The master of disguise was needed in this mission. People needed to see four hungry, depressed children that survived the fall of their homes, not mass murderers. 

Annie was only able to fetch two loaves. “Alright, who's the most hungry?”

“You girls should eat, you’re more feeble.” Bertholdt sat on a crate, pointing to Gisela and Annie. 

Annie tsked, moving a bang from her eyes, “who says girls are more feeble? I recall kicking your ass all those times in training.”

“You guys can eat it, I’m not hungry.” Gisela sat on the other crate and saw the chaos of the crowds. A boy caught her interest. He had dark brown hair, tan skin, and light blue green eyes. He was having bread shoved in his mouth and he seemed to have such a strong personality to him. If only Gisela felt so strongly about her motive and her placement in this life. 

“You really should eat, you need your energy after all you did.” Annie broke all the loaves in half and shared it amongst the four of you. “It’s not much but at least it's something.”

Gisela sighed, “you’re right. Thanks.”

After that day there was land given to only a few refugees but there were too many of them. Luckily the four of them had a piece of land that was enough until further inching themselves within society. Through that whole span each day was getting easier and easier living with the lies and day by day Gisela felt more at sure with herself and knowing that she could fulfill this mission. Pills and alcohol helped the pain and ease the thoughts. She taught herself to put a gap between what she came here to do and feelings. She told herself every day that nobody else mattered except her family and Reiner. She trained her brain to not care, to not have strings attached or any love for anything. It was all a play, all a rehearsal for when the curtain would fall. She was readying herself for that fall. Everyday she educated herself more on these scums. What they liked, wanted, needed, craved for, and what they craved more than ever in their life was freedom. 

She trained her body as if it were her last day, barely getting sleep. The face of her mother haunting her every night making her get up at three in the morning to do pushups or sit ups. Not only was her mind getting stronger but also her body. Even Reiner would make jokes noticing the muscles that would appear. The six pack that formed on her stomach. Her thighs growing tight and firm, her arms growing stronger. The sweat growing on her forehead longer. 

With her body growing her relationship with Reiner also changed. They no longer were the tiny children that didn’t understand anatomy or the air between two people. Reiner and Gisela’s relationship was of being flirty, sharing a few kisses here and there, trying to be a couple but then yelling at each other and breaking it up and realizing maybe this isn’t right a million times. Even Bertholdt and Annie were getting tired of their outbursts. But each time they made up to be friends only and then the cycle started where the feelings came in the way and they wanted to be more. They would tease each other, especially Reiner. They were each other's best friends. Gisela was like one of the boys, loud, obnoxious, burping all the time, Reiner would get a look at her and smirk thinking he taught her well. When Reiner looked at her he felt at home and that everything was going to be okay. Her nightmares continued and each time Reiner would come to her room and hold her, let her cry into his arms. She felt he was the only person that knew her pain. 

Gisela understood many things in life and for once she understood her life here, she understood why she was born and chosen. 

It was the following year and in order to get closer to finding the founding titan the four became part of the 104th cadet corps. 

“Are you ready to train more?” Gisela nudged Reiner, eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean train more? This is going to be a new but scary experience honestly.” Reiner spoke as if he was a different person. As if he didn’t have a life outside of the walls. 

“Reiner?” Gisela placed her hand on his shoulder, steadying him. He looked fine on the outside but Gisela knew the issues were inside, his mind. She knew this was becoming disastrous to him, he was starting to have almost two personalities, two lives, two worlds, two people. Gisela tried to tell Annie or Bertholdt, they saw it too but there was nothing they could do. 

All that Gisela could do was smile as they made their way to the first day of training. 

note: again ty y’all sm!!!! If u liked it lmk and this is kinda new for me cuz I usually don’t post my ocs stories here or much at all but I’m rlly excited for y’all to see her and for y’all to know this oc of mine and hopefully accept her ❤️

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