#never have women or men fall in love w rapists

[enchantedephiphany]

Other people: i love the bad boys, the villains, etc

Me: i love the characters who try to do good but are crushed by a world that is made to crush them (of course they're not perfect snd their flaws also get in the way...)

In other words, i like complexity. A villain just gives into evil. I like a good villain, but i don't romanticize them (esp not irl.. never wanted a bad boy-- too much trouble when i have enough of my own and too sensitive to not hate pain of all sorts).

The real conflict is someone struggling against the evil tendencies inside themselves and simultaneously in the world (i.e. real people, at least i hope most aren't villains)

[donnydamakkk]

What are your unpopular opinions on any/all of the BAU women?

(i saw the word unpopular after so i jus gave general opinions shdgsdjdsdk sorry but some of it is prolly unpopular anyway)

jennifer jareau is the apple of my mothafuckin eye fr. the literal love of my life. i am so serious when i say every blonde woman that i have ever found attractive needs to bow down before her (n samantha stephens) n kiss the mothafuckin ring. she is so slept on n i feel like people don't really understand or appreciate the many layers of her. i feel like she's so widely misunderstood. tbh people's takes on her tend to make my eye twitch real bad. as beautiful as she is, i feel like "soft", beautiful looks contribute a lot to her massive mischaracterization. except rosie's; she understands jj, she gets it. but for the most part, i dont feel like people should b allowed to speak on her bcus they're prolly wrong. (also butch jj is the best hc ever, but we all know i feel that way)

i really love emily prentiss, i do. she's intelligent, soulful, goofy in a way that doesn't feel ridiculous or stupid (contrary to a lot of fanon portrayal) but i mostly feel like that about early seasons emily. the more she left n returned, the less it seemed like the writing for her character was true to her n it started to feel bland. i often ask myself in later seasons where her personality went bcus at a some point she jus feels kinda blank n like shes there for fan service. it isn't emily's fault tho; it's all the writers. i love emily tho. also i hc her as bisexual now bcus idk i feel like u would have to swing from multiple vines to participate in sin to win; i can see her being w women n men equally as far as sex goes but being more likely to fall in love w women but sometimes she'll fall in love w a man n b like, well shit... ok n rockin w it but yes, shes a bi babe. i have also concluded that homegirl has a type n jj would b the exception to her rule/type bcus emily is def robert deniro (iyyk). anyway....

no one is allowed to hate elle greenaway, alright? as much as i do love gideon, everything that went wrong elle is his n hotch's fault n i mean that wholeheartedly. anyway, she was a cool as a fan w ice in it, bruh. i b missing her so much. also, i was proud of her when she shot that serial rapist; he was never gon stop offending. she did the right thing.

jordan todd was such a sweet, sensitive baby but she was functional n driven n i like that. she's also flirty. i like that too. idk man. i loved her so much, and ya know, i really loved her for really highlighting all the work jj does and reminding them all to like really appreciate her. she was a great temp; i hope she's happy somewhere. also i will never not scream about this but HER AND EMILY PRENTISS GOT NASTY n i would like to see it (:

i didn't enjoy ashley seaver or her arc. contrary to popular belief, it isn't bcus she replaced jj. it's bcus shes the only team member they've ever had that was there without any actual professional merit. girl wasnt even finished w the academy, and i, for one, did not enjoy watching what was essentially an internship. also she was boring so.

i like penelope garcia a lot; she's fun n she's sweet. i would like to write for her more but i find it difficult bcus she doesn't feel like a real person to me. which is like not to say i haven't met people like her bcus i have but whenever i do, it's kinda jarring n i always feel like i jus hallucinated. also my view of emotions is... yeah. so, there are times where she's kinda paralyzed w emotions that grind me a bit bcus idk i kinda feel like if ur emotions aren't servicing u in that moment then u needa jus suck it up n deal w them later, u not getting nowhere if u crying to much to function n then u still have this problem; so suck it up n deal w the problem n cry later n she has to b reminded of that often which again grinds me a bit but thats a me thing. i dont hold that against PG but it's jus sumn that we are not compatible on n that's fine. also i love love love love love love her n her dynamic w morgan ofc but some of the nicknames she calls him makes me personally uncomfortable as a black person but i mean hey... also, evolution was a disgusting disservice to her character n she deserves to b happy n at peace w her life away from the bau; she coulda came back without getting sucked back into a job that was messing her up mentally. she deserves better

i don't really have an opinion of kate callahan. i don't like her. i don't dislike her. i simply did not connect to her at all; also s10 wasn't a strong season fr so that ain't even really her fault. i do like that scene w her n my jocks on the plane tho. i like jennifer love hewitt tho (maddie buckley is that bitch fr). she b cool in stuff.

alex blake, my beloved fr; she calms me. i love that. i really really really loved her on the team; i loved how that version of the team functioned so much. it's one of, if not my favorite version of the team. she is the best (later seasons) replacement character hands down. god, i loved everything about her. literally everything about her. i fr don't have any notes, 11/10 fr. i miss her terribly. i would also let her do unspeakable things to my body so long as she talks me thru it n i know she would. anyway, i hope she's happy teaching n living her life <3

okay don't jump me but like the v worst thing any show could do to me w any character is introduce them w terrible hair. it's shallow as fuck, i will admit that but if that's how i first meet them? baby! i will never get over it, i will never unsee it n it will impact my ability to consume that character moving forward. that to say n i do hate to say it but tara lewis is a character who has fallen victim to this. they shoulda never introduced her in that fuckass wig. it pisses me off jus thinkin about it n she was in it for a while so as shallow n terrible as it is, it affected my connection to her. but it is what it is, im not apologizing for it. also, she has the horrific misfortune of being introduced in the late late late seasons when for the most part they wasn't even trying in the writers room fr, which sucks. bcus im gonna b particularly honest here, i dont feel a thing for her or luke. i like matt bcus i watched beyond borders n bcus i mentally connect him to jj as her male tethered. i also, so sorry, don't care that she's queer; i don't like how that whole thing was written. it didn't do shit for me at all. really, in conclusion, tara lewis is a victim to criminal minds writing team n costume department. so justice for tara!! but no yea she not my homie or nothin like that; i don't hate her tho.

[vitos-ordination-song]

Growing up w brothers in a patriarchal family shaped me. My dad loved me. He was affectionate without me throughout childhood. I look back on my relationship w him in suspicion because there was a lot of unhealthy stuff going on there, but also, that affection was sustaining for me. I needed it and it helped me grow. I felt that he loved me in a way I really struggled to feel w my mother as I grew older. But my foundation of his love was marred by a shadow: he didn’t love my brothers.

I also have a little sister, and he did some fucked up stuff to her too, but he was really night and day w his sons and daughters, and I know from my aunt that he learned this from his father. He interacted with my brothers in two primary ways: punishment and harsh male bonding. He was affectionate with them sometimes but they were both terrified of him into their teen years. They would ask me, his favorite child, to ask him for things, because they knew he wouldn’t snap at me, and he never did when I asked for resources he usually jealously guarded. I can remember him getting violent with me twice. Once because I said he’d been drunk the night before (he’s been an alcoholic my entire life getting progressively worse), and once he slapped me across the face when I said I didn’t know if I believed in god. I was terrified of my mom, not just physically but more psychologically. My father, I didn’t fear at all—I sensed I had a power over him, and in fact told him off as if he was a boy when he got violent several times. I was able to subdue him. But my brothers feared him in the way a beaten dog would.

I think I always felt like I was betraying my brothers by being loved by my dad. It’s part of why I’m now estranged from him—I reject love which requires me to ignore the abuse of others. It hurt me that he did that even if he didn’t do it to me. Little children don’t have boundaries. I cared about my brothers. And it made me feel privileged in an unjust way; it made me aware of the arbitrary nature of favoritism. I never feared falling out of favor with him. It was my mom’s style to shift around favorites based on who was pleasing her or pissing her off. But I knew on a more fundamental level that it was possible for me to be treated as my brothers were being treated. Like, I wasn’t being loved for who I was or because I was his child or because I deserved it—it was his whim basically. As much as his love for me sustained me it made me sick.

I think I’ve always been fascinated with relationships between men for the reasons above. I enjoy trying to understand men. I never understood my father or why he did those things to my brothers. I understand domination rituals, women do them too, but the male version was something I was left out of. As much as my father kept the abuse for my brothers, he was also bringing them into manhood—and our family’s definition of that included skills I wasn’t allowed to learn, like any handy work or car stuff. I was excluded. I don’t actually think my dad taught them well but it was something I longed to be a part of as a girl. Why couldn’t I join Boy Scouts and learn how to start a fire? As I aged I began to realize how much my brothers were being hurt by all this male socialization and I stopped feeling jealous of it. Now I find it all fascinating.

I’m also interested in alternatives. Yes I was into gay male love stories but I read more stories about platonic male bonding. What would a good father look like, not just for me as a girl but how could a father raise sons well? What would it be like to have a grandfather (one of mine is a rapist and the other one also sucked)? How can men be friends to each other and to women in a world which seeks to destroy their decency, very often?

[bingoboingobongo]

hi there! i love your work! i have a request for a cod fic💕💕

so i actually just learned there is ONE(1) all-female spec ops team in the world, and it's norway's jegertroppen("hunter troop"), so maybe how the 141(plus alejandro, rudy and könig) would react to meeting the leader of (or being in a relationship with) jegertroppen who is a no-nonsense, absolute bamf who can, in no uncertain terms, take care of herself

again, love your work and thank you for reading my random 2 am thoughts💕💕💕

task force 141 + bamf!reader

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, König, Valeria Garza

Warnings: explicit language, reader is referred to as a woman/girl

A/N: yes i realize like half of these ppl aren't part of tf141 hush. also this is why i love u guys bc i would've never learned about this w/o u anon. also srry these are short we have a lot of characters and not a lot of time

simon "ghost" riley:

alright so when ghost first met you he's pretty impressed ngl

like he knows how hard it is to be in special ops and he can only imagine how hard it is when you're a girl

like task force 141 is all men and most, if not all, of the people he works with on a daily basis are men

so yeah he has a lot of respect for you for making it to your position

he also has a lot of respect for your entire crew and he honestly really supports the idea of an all female special ops group

off topic but in the comics we see simon go through an attempted brainwashing (really pared down explanation sorry) where roba essentially tries to make him like a misogynist/rapist which obviously simon is disgusted by so yes simon is canonically a feminist

he's also in love with your strict no-nonsense style of work because it aligns really well with his

together you're pretty much unstoppable

literally the definition of a power couple

john "soap" mactavish:

alright so soap is honestly wowed the first time he meets you (and a little lovestruck too)

what can i say women in charge do things to him

he's definitely sorta intimidated by you at first though

idk it's like imagine ghostsoap but ghost is you

like he's always trying to fool around with you which maybe you tend to shut down

but honestly he doesn't mind and sometimes he'll keep going just to get a rise out of you/hear you talk

idk man he honestly just has so much respect for you

like if he could he would stop in the middle of an active warzone just to watch you work

also if you guys are dating he takes every chance possible to brag about you to anyone who'll listen

he just thinks you deserve a lot more recognition than you get

kyle "gaz" garrick:

alright so the first time gaz meets you he's honestly a little shocked

it sucks but women are a pretty rare sight to see especially in his level/field of work so an all female special ops team is like finding a needle in a haystack

that being said he has nothing but respect for you and what you do

he knows how bigoted people in the military can be and so he's glad to see that you've found a space for yourself where you're relatively unbothered by it

also it makes him happy to see more gender representation because it reminds him of his younger siblings and it makes him happy that they can have someone to look up to

like soap he also really likes watching you work

and when he's not fighting or falling out of helicopters he likes to just spend his time with you or watching you train or do menial tasks

maybe he's just too in love with you but you can make doing the dishes seem badass

john price:

alright so like pretty much everyone else here when price first met you the only thing in his mind was respect

he's read up on you and he knows a lot about your work and honestly he just really admires you

he's a leader and so he knows how tough it can be to have that job

plus to do that while being a woman in a male dominated space

yeah that earns you major points in his book

honestly he's hesitant to make a move because he doesn't want to feel like he's disrespecting you by initiating something romantic

but like you're literally such a badass motherfucker he really can't help but catch feelings

plus you're literally stunning so that's not helping the growing crush he has either

he loves to work alongside you whenever he can because you're literally inspiring on the field

plus he knows he doesn't have to worry about you or your forces which takes a lot of stress off his shoulders

alejandro vargas:

okie so like price alejandro really really respects you

again he's also a leader and he knows how taxing that can be which is why he respects you so much for it

i mean alejandro has a history with bamf women (valeria) so it's no surprise he falls for you too

idk man seeing a woman who can take care of herself just gets alejandro going

honestly you kind of remind alejandro of valeria but like in a good way

like not a "he can't get over his ex" kind of way but like a "damn he definitely has a type and his type is hot, badass women who really don't need a man but hopefully will date him despite it" kind of way

he'll also make sure that all of his forces treat you and your troops with the respect you deserve because he's not about to let you guys deal with that on his watch

that being said whenever someone is being a hassle he knows you can handle it yourself

rodolfo "rudy" parra:

alright so when rudy first meets you it's sorta like a mix between awe and also nervousness

like on one hand he's like "omg this woman is literally like the definition of badass motherfucker"

and on the other hand he's like "omg this woman is so pretty i hope she picks me omg can she tell im nervous gahdhshs"

you make his heart flutter what can i say

he's definitely a lot more shy asking you out than he might be with someone else

but that's because he really respects you and he doesn't want to come off as rude or disrespectful if he's too assertive

that being said when you do let him know you reciprocate his feelings he is over the fucking moon

he just can't believe that someone as independent and no-nonsense as you would choose to be in a relationship with him

like soap he will always find an opportunity to brag about you

and honestly he'll compliment you like there's no tomorrow

idk man he's just crazy about you like he respects you so much and so it's mind-blowing to him that you actually picked him

könig:

okay quick disclaimer but i've never written for könig so umm yeah

anyways könig is definitely really really impressed when he first meets you

you definitely make him nervous just because you're really good looking but he'll still talk/engage with you

even though it can be pretty nerve-wracking for him because of his social anxiety he'll suck it up because ultimately the anxiety of wrongly being perceived as a misogynist/sexist who won't talk to women is worse

but he's definitely a lot shyer and less inclined to talk to you outside of work

even though he really wants to

that being said if he's given enough time he will open up eventually

and even though you're no-nonsense you're more than happy to take things slow with him to make him feel comfortable

which honestly just makes him fall in love with you more

i mean i feel like this is obvious but you're definitely the "he asked for no pickles" couple

with you being the one saying it ofc and him being the one asking for no pickles

valeria garza:

ughh valeria is sooo hyped to see you oml

um don't ask how it works out with her being el sin nombre and you technically being in the military

love finds a way okay

anyways as a woman in a male dominated space herself it is so refreshing to not only see you, but to see your whole troop

honestly valeria definitely wishes she could have been a part of it

and tbh if she wasn't el sin nombre i could definitely see her considering joining

like in a way it kind of makes her sad because she knows how different her life would be if she had a group like this in mexico

also im just know realizing the connection to artemis' huntresses (is that what it's called?)

anyways valeria is not shy about flirting with you

like you tick all of her boxes

you're hot, you're a natural leader, you're more than capable of taking care of yourself

win win win

and if you let her she will treat you like a god damn queen

and also she absolutely loves seeing you work if she could she would just perch on some treetop with a pair of binoculars and watch you while you work

i realize that sounds creepy but um it's not

[fascination-street-writing]

She Rings Like a Bell Through the Night | Yan!Bruno Bucciarati x Reader

You remind him of a cat - and he has always had a pension for strays.

100 Follower Giveaway 2nd Place Piece

Content Warnings: Not S/F/W Content, Yandere Behaviors, Stalking, Non-Con Elements (Non-Consensual Touching & Dubious Consent), & Homelessness 

You are glad for the distortion of the puddle’s reflection – if instead you had a mirror, you might simply wither in the alley where you stand. It is better this way. Truthfully, you would rather not know how positively filthy you have become since taking to the streets. The space between Il Cestino del Pane and Via dei Libri – a bakery and a bookstore – is your domain. You do not call the covered niche betwixt two dumpsters your home; it is simply the place you happen to come back to every night.

At the lip of the alley, she stands. An entity, you suppose, though she does not speak to you. And yet, you are utterly convinced that she is capable of reading your very mind. She acts without command – she behaves in a way you find deplorable; but, without her, you would starve. You have before you the necessary evils of survival.

You observe the bustle of the market, eyes flicking from patron to patron: a child clutching a doll as her mother argues with a vendor over the price of goods; an elderly woman ushering a greyhound by a worn leash; a man lifting a spoon filled with gelato to the mouth of his partner, who accepts the treat gleefully. No one catches your eye . . . Until a man clad in an open-chest white suit steps out from the bakery and joins the rabble on the street.

His clothing practically flaunts his wealth. His bobbed dark hair, completed with two gold clips, is exquisite, and not a single strand falls out of place. You think that he would make a lovely target – and she agrees.

You are careful to leave a considerable amount of space between yourself and him. You know little of your entity’s capacities; however, the copious amount of times you have used her to steal food, never to be traced back to you, has taught you that she is invisible to everyone.

Everyone except for you, of course.

You do not consider yourself a thief, for it is not your hand slipping into the pocket of the man’s jacket. An accessory to crime, maybe, but never the thief. You rationalize your actions as this: he should have known better than to venture towards this end of Napoli dressed in such a way – one making him stand out amongst the locals. Anyone who comes here knows pickpocketing is a common practice.

You can feel the wallet through her touch – firm leather to your fingertips. She appears before you, dropping the stolen article into your waiting palm. With a grin, you look up to offer a silent gesture of appreciation.

Only to be met with the glare of two sapphire-blue eyes.

You freeze, dumbfounded. Never have you been caught before. The wallet feels like a lead weight, practically scorching your skin. Out of fear? Guilt? You do not dwell on the possibilities pulsing in your racing mind. Instead, you turn on heels covered with a set of mismatched shoes and run. A cold sweat saturates your spine. The clattering of rushed footsteps echo behind you. A crash resonates, followed by the accusatory spats of the vendors. You weave through the crowds with no true destination in mind. Yet, as if coerced by muscle memory, your legs carry you to your shelter.

Somehow, amidst the market congestion, you have lost him. You slink down the alley and hide behind a heap of discarded cardboard boxes. The passage of time is indiscernible, and so you count the steady ticking of waterdrops from the rainspout attached to the bakery. It is only after you reach a hundred do you decide you are finally safe. Standing, you open the wallet to count your prize.

As you dig for loose lira, the brick wall before you separates; a diagonal golden zipper appears seemingly out of nowhere, and the man steps through the black void created by the incision. In your state of confusion, the wallet clammers from your hand. You stumble backwards and trip over a broken trashcan lid. The asphalt meets your hip with bruising force.

The man says nothing to you. He reaches for the wallet, which has earned a newly acquired scuffmark. With no means of escaping the situation, you helplessly watch him check its contents. Wordlessly, he produces a stack of bills and extends it to you. Suspicious of his intent, you do not move to take the money. You scuttle away, whimpering at your newfound pain.

“My name is Bruno,” he says to you. Though you struggle to create a greater space between you two, he does not move to approach you. “Take it.”

You shake your head. He holds the wallet in his opposite hand, emphasizing its presence.

“You wouldn’t have stolen this if you didn’t need the money.”

Bruno is absolutely right. But you do not trust him. After moments of refusal pass, he sets the money on the ground and steps away. It is only once you deduce that he cannot grab you do you snatch the money. You bound off in a hobbled sprint, vacating the alley and leaving him behind. He is unable to tear his gaze away from the shabby heap of boxes you typically dwell beneath. Your apprehensiveness is undeniably disheartening, but nothing to lose sleep over, for he will do whatever it takes to earn your faith in due time. He knows you cannot be blamed for your actions; to Bruno, it is obvious you have been beaten down by the very system that has forced many women into the same circumstances as yourself.

A mound of tattered blankets makes up what he believes is your bed. Cans of half-finished, spoiled foods collect in a heap by the foot of your bedding. You remind him of a cat – and he has always had a pension for strays.

Days later, Bruno returns to the alleyway of Il Cestino del Pane and Via dei Libri carrying a basket filled with fresh bread and softened figs. It is a mere gamble that you might have returned after the incident. Before your shelter, he catches the sight of you hunched over a rusted water pail. You splash water on your face to cleanse the grime from your skin.

He wonders if you stayed because you wanted him to find you.

You know he is there, yet you do not cower. Still, you grow tense in his presence. You allow him to come close enough so he might, for the first time, gaze upon your cleaned face. He realizes just how beautiful of a woman you are – his Medusa, cast from the holy temple by the ones who scorned you; reduced to living on the streets with narcotic addicts and rapists, as if you are one of them.

A woman like you deserves to be loved. You deserve the very worship he is so willing to bestow upon you, in a home shared with you alone.

He opens the basket and bequeaths to you its contents. You salivate at the loaf of bread in your grasp, though you refuse to eat. You will not do so until he is gone. Begrudgingly, he takes his leave, though not before offering you a kind smile.

One day, he reckons, you will return the gesture.

When the sun sets over Napoli, the city transforms into a haven for the less reputable members of society. Men and women of the brothels take to the corners at the behest of their procurers. Cab drivers lie in wait of drunken tourists to scam with overpriced fare. Would-be human traffickers hide in the blackest pools of alleyways until a pretty foreigner is unlucky enough to walk by.

And you have learned how to avoid them all – the prostitutes and the pimps, cab drivers and tourists, human traffickers and foreigners. There is not much a homeless woman such as yourself can offer to any party of the night.

Not for anyone, except Bruno Bucciarati, the young Capo of Passione. From the shadows, he watches as you make your way through the street of shops and send your entity to collect food and other necessities. You carry on until your arms are full. He admires your resilience.

You do not see the division in the sidewalk until you have already fallen to the ground. Your collection of stolen goods scatters across the cobblestone street, lost to the darkness. On your hands and knees, you scramble to gather anything that has not split open or fallen into puddles. A man with a pocketknife in his hand and pock marks on his arms approaches, unbeknownst to you – but very known to the ever-aware Bruno.

It is not an uncommon practice for the homeless of Napoli to prey on each other. The man wielding the knife wants nothing more than a scrap of the food lying before you. To Bruno, however, he is a potential threat to what limited sanctity you might have. The man creeps closer, closer, closer.

And he is gone before you have the chance to turn around. The remnants of a zipper mark the spot where he once stood. You are alone again. Grateful that the night is still young, you send your entity to another vacant market stall to replace what has been lost.

Bruno emerges from the earth like a child born. He brings a white handkerchief to his cheek to wipe away the smudge of blood marring his skin – the evidence of his indiscretion. Carelessly, you wander ahead as if you were not in such a compromising situation only moments ago. But then again, you cannot be blamed for ignorance: how could you have known, if not for Bruno interference?

Grinning faintly, he folds the soiled handkerchief and tucks it into his pocket, beside his wallet – the catalyst and inspiration for his conquest of your affection. He is your protector when you cannot be.

It is a gratification that fills him with unmeasurable delight.

Bruno has lost track of how many times he has visited you; he has made a habit out of bringing you food every day that he can. It does not upset him too terribly much when he fails to find the time in his arduous work schedule to visit you, because he trusts your capabilities of stealing necessities with the aid of your Stand.

However, he cannot deny the nagging feeling blooming in his belly, reminding him that you should not be in the position of scavenging when he is perfectly capable of providing for you – of spoiling you – himself.

Today, he gifts to you cactus pears from Catania and homemade piadina ­– his mother’s recipe, no less. As always, you refuse to eat whilst he gawks at you. You do not notice the way his jaw clenches in utter vexation this time, or how his long, manicured fingers curl into a tight fist. In truth, he has grown frustrated with your antics. Bitterly, he contemplates his options: to whisk you away here and now would be far easier than playing this game any longer.

Finally recognizing his rigid composure, you back away from him. As if struck, Bruno releases his hand and sighs. He could not do such a thing – it is foolish thought. Trust is built upon honesty, and honesty alone. The legitimacy of such a bond cannot be fabricated. Per habit, he leaves you to your meal.

A light drizzle hails from the grey sky. The further he strays from the alleyway, the heavier the rainfall. Bruno supposes that the inclement weather must be the cause for the near vacancy of the market street. Despite the pattering against the sidewalks, he catches the sound of clumsy footsteps behind him. A pair of eyes practically bores into his back.

He stops to turn. Separated only by a narrow row of stone-crested townhouses, you stand there, watching him. You, too, have ventured far from the security of your alleyway. You cower behind a streetlamp, as if it could mask the pleading look in your gaze.

Please, don’t leave me.

Bruno’s mouth falls agape. Perhaps his gattina randagia is ready to come home, after all. 

The water pools around your bare form, concaving to every curve and crevice of your body. Though you graciously allowed Bruno the role of bathing you, you keep your knees bent and taut to your chest, refusing him to look upon your intimate regions. It is a most uncomfortable feeling to expose yourself to someone else; yet, you do not wish to be left alone, for you are beholden to his company.

He shields your eyes with his palm before pouring the basin over your shampooed hair. You practically lean into his touch. He is glad you cannot read his mind; it is a battle within his conscience to contain himself. He maintains his collected façade – despite how badly he wants nothing more than flip you onto your stomach and take you, forcing your body to rim of the bathtub.

The hand on your eyes falls and dips into the water. Bruno pulls his arm back and forth, tracing a figure-eight in the water. His mind has wandered, to be sure. In his other hand, he holds a washcloth, which he has been using to wash your skin. Slowly, he drags it over the backs of your thighs, gingerly scrubbing.

You push his arm away when the cloth ghosts over your slit.

“Give me the soap,” you suddenly demand – the first words you have ever spoken to him, full of malice no less. Bruno frowns. “I can do it myself.”

He grabs the bar of soap; however, he does not pass it to you. Instead, he slathers the washcloth and brings the linen back over your thighs. He wants to take care of you. This time, the hook of his finger brushes against your folds. You lash out and grab his arm, nails biting into his skin, leaving crescent-moon shaped marks as a receipt of the transgression. With far more force than before, you shove his arm away.

“Stop it. Give me the soap.”

Bruno pulls away and slumps against the side of the tub. You hug your knees tighter, expecting an apology from the man who took you in off the streets. Something dark flashes behind his eyes, and you wish you had enough room to scurry away.

“I just want to take care of you, mia gattina,” he insists, his eyes pleading with you. “Won’t you let me do that?”

His words do little to ease you. The third time he touches your folds, you strike him across the face with pruned fingers. In a flurry of black hair, his neck whips to the side. It is only when you attempt to rise from the tub that he snaps out of his stupor and throws his arm against your chest, pinning you down and leaving you with no choice but to expose yourself to him.

The water sloshes as you thrash around. Water collects in the delicate threads of Bruno’s attire, soaking him as you do the faux-marble tiled floors. Nothing seems to faze him. “Please, let me take care of you,” he begs, his grip unrelenting. You whimper, begging him to let you go. He denies you: “No, no. It’s all I want.”

Again, he palms your slit, only now you freeze and accept that you cannot stop him. You grip the edge of the tub to keep your head above the water. The coloring leaves your knuckles. A single tear rolls down your cheek.

“Don’t cry, dolcezza. Sii una brava ragazza per me.”

At once, a finger from the very hand that kept you fed for so long slides into your core with ease. Your walls involuntarily clench around him, and you grimace in pain. Whining, you attempt to buck your hips to dislodge him; he mistakes your defense for eagerness, and with a sigh, he inserts another and curls his fingers inside you.

He works you until a familiar, albeit long forgotten, throbbing sensation claims your womanhood, and incitement builds within you. Eventually, with each stroke of your folds, you relax and release the edge of tub. Your snivels of an insistence for him to stop become mewls, imploring him to continue. It has been far too long since you felt affection like this, and you find yourself melting at Bruno’s touch – as if you are a candle and he the flame.

“Brava ragazza.”

The arm on your chest disappears. Bruno braces it around your shoulders, pulling you into a seated position. When his thumb rubs your hardened nub, you whine and call his name. A prayer for him; he groans, holding you tighter.

Your hands reach out and at once, you pull his face towards your own so that your lips might meet. You allow him to explore the cavern of your mouth, and he swallows every moan blossoming from your throat. He takes your bottom lip between his teeth, swiping his tongue over the swollen blush before breaking away to admire the way you huff at the command of his fingers, your eyes shut tightly. Pleasure or distress, he knows not why – though, he suspects the former.

He reaches the deepest nook of your core. You respond to the intrusion with a breathless cry, and you bury your face into the damp crook of his neck to satiate the noises escaping you, while gripping the silken tendrils of his primp hair.

“Brave ragazza. Brava gattina, il mio amore.”

His words – his praise – send you over the edge with a shudder. The coil in your belly snaps, and you come undone on Bruno’s hand. He lets out a sigh. Slowly, he detaches from your core and moves to embrace you. Exhausted, you veer into his touch, practically buzzing with spent arousal and fervor.

Around you, the bathwater has gone cold, but Bruno’s arms are enough to keep you warm. You allow him to rub his palm against the soft skin of your back. He presses a kiss to the crown of your hair, lingering as if debating whether to do it all again.

Content, you concede and drift away, lulled to sleep by the whispering of praises in your ear.

“Il mia bellissima gattina. Ti amo tanto.”

| 3048 Words |

[questforpants]

Okay, y’all are sleeping on The Magicians

No, the show is not queerbaiting, but please note that it shouldn’t be advertised as a queer show, but a SHOW with main canon queer characters who just are

Yes, the show could do better with representation, but the show is doing a hell of a lot better than most mainstream shows 

YES THIS SHOW HAS FLAWS ! But what show doesn’t? The show is trying its best and seems to listen to fans and make sure to do their research 

Some of these points are show specific and others are book specific 

CHARACTER WISE ? We got queer characters and actors, disabled actors, actors/actresses of color as main cast ! 

MAIN / A bisexual man with depression that isn’t cured by love or discovering magic 

as played by jason ralph

MAIN / A Native American woman who is suffering ptsd because of sexual assault and is never belittled for this 

as played by stella maeve 

MAIN / A woman who is allowed to be intelligent and sexy at the same time, as well as being selfish when she needs to 

as played by olivia dudley

MAIN / A gay man who suffers from alcoholism and drug addiction that isn’t treated like a joke 

as played by queer actor ; hale appleman 

MAIN / An Indian-American man who calls out racism, homophobia and sexism, and supports the women in his life 

as played by arjun gupta

MAIN / A Mexican-Indian-American woman who starts off as a party girl and becomes a great ruler who is allowed to be a bitch

who is also canonly bisexual 

as played by summer bishil

MAIN / A Native American-Israeli woman who is both mean and compassionate and these traits are able to coexist

as played by jade tailor

REOCCURRING / A black man who is blinded but still retains his position of power and badassery

 as played by rick worthy 

REOCCURRING / A woman who seemed like she was being brought in as a plot device but became a fleshed-out character with a storyline outside of her husband

as played by brittany curran

RECURRING / A deaf character played by a deaf actress who is powerful and her deafness isn‘t just a plot device

she signs with other characters ! 

two other characters sign to her !

scenes with sign language as dialogue are captioned and there is no audio at all !

while she does “die” there is a plot line to bring her back and she is now back

as played by deaf actress ; marlee matlin

RECURRING / A trans actress portraying a character who started as a villain and became an incredibly complex anti-hero

as played by trans actress ; candis cayne

the character is a queen by the way, who sacrifices herself for her people ! she sees her people ( the fairies ) being mistreated and chooses to save them with her life

she ends up helping our main cast in the end

while she does die it has nothing to do with being trans

MAIN / The character Josh Hoberman is jewish 

the books confirm he is jewish and fat

as played by trevor einhorn

RECURRING / A woman who was originally killed off is revived as a character and given a girlfriend who is now just going to live her best life with her future wife !

as played by kacey rohl

Villains who are pervs and rapists and paedophiles and never shown as redeemable ! 

so that is 5 canonly queer characters in the show

while the terms, gay / lesbian / bisexual / trans ae never used in dialogue in the show, it is not necessarily a bad thing since this isn’t a show about being queer or coming out, it’s about a fucked up world with magic and the characters who exist in it happen to be queer

we have a lot of sexual fluidity

all relationships in the show have value and get fleshed out ! romantic relationships do not overpower the show, the show ultimately shows that platonic relationships and family and friendships are just as important !

we got straight up platonic soulmates who kiss but aren’t necessarily a couple

did i mention we have polyarmory? and it’s usually mentioned and treated as something realistic 

the ruler of a magical kingdom can have a husband and a wife

there’s an episode with a literal poly family, like one character falls in love with a woman AND a man and the three of them raise a child together

instead of bury your gay ! we have revive a gay ! give her a girlfriend she’s gonna marry !

queer subtext from the book is made into actual text and canon in the show

confirmed by the cast and writers !

women can be kings ! men can be queens !

the show has writers / guest writers who come onto the show and write an episode ! one of the guest writers is a queer woman in a w|w relationship / alex ritter

the cast is all geniunely invested in their characters and their realtionships are very open to exploring character dynamics and new relationships and most seem to view their characters as not straight / are open to a queer relationship for their character / acknowledge queer ships !

WE HAVE MUSICIAL EPISODES each season that make sense ! liek the musical numbers actually happen in canon ! they straight up actually break out into song and know they are doing it and there is an explanation for why ! we got a number to one day more from les mis and under pressure so far

MAGIC BITCHES !

every single character is interesting ! and you actually see how characters grow and change based on circumstances !

the most realistic portrayal of nerds 

characters are canonly mentally ill ! confirmed by dialogue in the show ! these characters don’t forget and will mention this character’s depression and it’s diagnosed depression 

the show does not shy away from trauma and trigger themes, but they do their best to portray it in an accurate light and make sure not to treat it as a joke or belittle their characters for it ; we have touch on suicide, depression, rape, sexual assault, child sexual assault, alcoholism, drug addiction, other mental illnesses, bullying, trauma, ptsd, self hate !

the cast and writers love each other ! they are all beautiful and they love each other ! 

the disabled character is played a disabled actress ! 

sera gamble coming for us all 

[the-council-of-new-york-vampires]

Priya and Amy being sweet to each other is so cute. I hope you continue it

Out of Character:

Definitely! I’ll continue it right now. :D

…Just wrote it and… This shit is meaningful as hell. I just wanted to write a bit, but… w o w.

It’s not so sexy, but it contains explicit language. Know Priya’s backstory, and I promise you won’t regret reading this…

It was an hour later that Priya woke up.

Amy sat by her side, smiling. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

Priya’s eyes widened. “It’s morning?”

She chuckled, told her, “No, it’s still evening. Then again, I didn’t know vampires needed sleep at all.”

Priya shook her head, slightly perplexed. “They don’t.”

Carefully, Amy’s finger stroked her cheek. “Do you remember what I said to you before you fell asleep?” Her voice was quiet once again.

Priya looked at her… and grinned. Even after their romantic night together, her smile had something predatory.

“I mean it,” Amy whispered.

“I appreciate that,” Priya just said.

Amy looked at her for a long time before asking, “…You don’t say it back?”

“I’m not fake.”

…She couldn’t help but feel sad.

Priya placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder and explained, unusually serious, “If I love someone, I let them know. Then again, I told you how I feel about that word. So, no guarantees.”

Amy bit her lip, nodded, understanding. “I can’t force feelings that aren’t there.”

“Maybe they’re there and I don’t know,” she said, shrugging. Priya was surprsingly cool… careless, maybe?

Amy nodded. A bit more distant than before, she stated, “I hope… Maybe you learned that sex can be intimate and gentle and not rough or degrading.”

“Amy, darling, please. Don’t think you can teach me anything about sex. I know everything.”

“But did you know this would feel so good?” With that, she had her.

“…Sure.”

Amy grinned. “What did you say about not being fake?”

Priya nudged her playfully. “Shut up. I’m the realest bitch.”

Amy chuckled. This almost felt like a relationship.

Priya admitted, “It was nice enough.”

“I will treat you gently, forever,” Amy proclaimed. “As long as you let it happen.” She said that with a certain warmth in her voice. “Because I feel it does you good.”

“You can’t do it forever anyway.”

‘As long as I love you. And that’s forever.’ Damn, how cheesy that sounded… Too cheesy to say it.

“Mortals don’t live forever,” Priya noted.

For a longer time, Amy was quiet. “I don’t even know if I’d want to get Turned. It was never an option, really.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Amy shrugged, remembering again just how special she felt for being able to say ‘Priya Lacroix is actually interested in me.’ “Being a vampire grants you so many perks. But there are also things you have to give up.” She thought about it, and chuckled. “You’d never understand, but… I think I want children someday.”

Priya said nothing.

Then again, Amy laughed. “I bet you hate them.”

“Mhm…”

“They don’t really go with a glamorous lifestyle,” she joked. “And you wouldn’t want to give that up.”

“I can’t, anyway.”

Amy raised her eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Have kids.”

She nodded. “Yeah.” For the fun of it, Amy said jokingly, “I bet it’s better that way.”

Priya’s stare was cold. As if she was actually offended.

When looking at her, Amy’s smile left her face immediately. “I… Sorry. That’s cruel. You could be a great mother. I don’t know you enough to judge.”

“That’s right. You don’t.” The warmth was gone. “Actually, you don’t know shit about me.”

Amy’s eyes widened. She was suddenly afraid, sad… hurt. “Priya…”

“It’s kinda funny how every asshole judges. I’m so cruel and rude and I’m a horrible person and whatnot. These people… It’s them who I’m coming for first.”

“I… never meant to judge you. I’m sorry. Hell, you might be a better mom than me. You’re loving and mature and capable. I’m dorky as hell. I don’t have half of the experience you have.”

“Mhm.”

Amy grinned, trying to bring back the positivity she usually felt around Priya. “I love how you love your dogs.”

“My dogs are my babies.”

She chuckled. “I wish I was one of them. You’re be a great mama.”

Somehow, Priya didn’t find that too funny.

Amy felt the awkwardness, the coldness betweem them. She took her oversized pullover off to reveal her body, undressed. She lied down next to Priya, the blanket covering both of them. It was quiet until she mumbled, “I could lie here with you and talk to you forever…”

“Am I that interesting?”

“Absolutely. After all, I want to get to know my future wife.”

Priya laughed…

…And Amy was glad. This was Priya’s kind of humor. Babies just seemed to be a taboo topic with her…

“Ask me something nasty.”

Amy thought… and kissed Priyas forehead. “What’s your favorite type of hug?”

Again, Priya laughed. “I hate you. You’re boring as hell.”

“I just think sex isn’t the most important thing in life.” She grinned.

“Having fun is.”

“That sounds… more acceptable.”

“Who cares? Some people should just get their heads out of their asses.”

Amy chuckled. “You know, I… I’ve met quite a few vampires. I learned that many of them are hot. I mean, let’s exclude The Baron and Lester, because they make me gag.”

“They make me vomit in my mouth.”

She laughed. “I learned that vampires must love sex, since… their senses are heightened. Things feel more intense. And that makes sense. Yet, I haven’t met a single vampire as obsessed with sex than you.”

“Pff. They’re just sneaky with it.”

Grinning, she asked, “Are you sure?”

“I guess? It’s just… You know… I collected a lot of shitty experiences regarding the topic. Then I got Turned and I thought… Time to take what I want.”

“Shitty experiences for you would be… Girls in sweatpants. Or men with average dick lengths,” she joked.

“No, like real shitty.”

It was then that Amy understood this was serious. “Oh… Sometimes, talking helps.”

“Yeah, no, nothing really helps.”

“Have you… seeked help? Talked to someone who loves you? I mean… I know it can be difficult. But it’s often for the better.”

Priya sighed. She didn’t seem particularly annoyed. Rather as if there was a heavy weight on her shoulders. One she had been carrying for centuries.

Amy pulled her close. “Shhh,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

“I’m alone.”

“No. You’re never alone. You can talk to me.” She thought about her words, then added, “I swear, you can always fucking talk to me.” Amy meant this. Nothing more than this.

For a minute, Priya was quiet. She felt Amy’s hand caressing her back. They were naked, together, but nothing about this was sexual. She felt a weird feeling in her throat… as if she had to confess. “Fuck, Amy…”

Amy kissed Priya’s cheek, assured her, “If you don’t want me to know, I respect that. Priya… I respect you so much. It’s just that I know what it feels like to not talk about something, letting it break you. It sucks. And I don’t want that for you. Because you’re an amazing person. You don’t deserve to feel this way. No matter what people say. You’re right; they judge. And they don’t know you.”

Priya sighed. She looked at Amy, taking her head off of the young woman’s shoulder, and asked, “Do you know the sex trafficking industry?”

Amy froze. “Yes.”

“Well… I know what that’s like.”

“Were you…?”

“Yeah.”

Amy was silent. Then she said, “No…”

“Yeah.”

“Priya… I don’t want to believe this.”

She was cold as ice. “Do you think I want to believe that shit?”

Amy was in tears. “No… No… No. I don’t want this. Please… Don’t tell me that’s true.”

Priya smiled, her eyes teary. “Shit. I forgot it was that bad.”

Amy covered her face with her hand… and let the tears fall. She hugged Priya ever so tightly… and cried with her, together.

Eventually, Amy found herself on top of Priya, a blanket covering two women whose faces were wet from tears. She cupped Priya’s cheeks and whispered, “I swear… If anybody fucking hurts you…”

“So many people fucking hurt me.”

“They’re dead. They’re all fucking dead. And if not… I’ll kill them myself.”

“I went through so much shit.”

“For how long, Priya?”

“Eight years.”

“You started when you were…”

“Sixteen.”

“…I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry.”

Priya rubbed her eyes, acknowledging that her makeup might as well be worth getting ruined - just this once. “I’m not even angry anymore.”

“This is a crime against humanity. You were a child.”

“Well, I was a girl.”

“Were your parents cruel?”

“Nah… My mother tried to do everything to provide for us and stuff. Call me stupid, but I’m kinda thankful. The women in my life were strict as hell, but I don’t blame them. They went through the same shit, after all. It went on for generations.”

“And your father?”

“Don’t know who.”

“Oh… Right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I hate him. No matter who he is, he is a fucking rapist. All of them are.”

“Maybe… Maybe he would have loved you. You’re very loveable…”

“No one loves a daughter.”

“Priya…”

“It’s true. It’s a man-made system. Literally.”

“…Damn. After all you went through… How can you look men in the eyes?”

“Honestly? I have no idea.” She laughed. “Sometimes, I call one of my toys, and I say ‘Down!’. And he looks at me all sorry and shit. And I order it again. He gets on his knees before me. And I kick his balls so good. With heels on.”

“…Ouch.”

Again, she laughs. “His screams don’t make up for what I went through.”

“I can imagine… But we live in a different system now. Men are… different.”

“‘Let boys be boys.’ God, when I hear that, I cringe.”

Amy faced the ground… and nodded. She wiped her tears away.

“One time, I got pregnant. And I thought: ‘Shit’.”

It was then that she gaped. “What?”

“You bet I had no idea who her father was. And I thought… Damn. That’s it. I’m continuing the cycle.”

Amy felt the sadness coming back up. “Was it… a girl?”

“I like to think it was.”

She thought back of their recent conversation… and it hit her. “Priya… I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were pregnant as a human.”

“Me, pregnant… You’re right, it sounds ridiculous. I wouldn’t even believe it myself if I didn’t know for a fact it’s true.”

“Did you… have an abortion?”

“Hm… More like a miscarriage.”

“Oh, shit… I’m sorry…”

“The worst thing wasn’t even that I got pregnant. The worst thing was that I actually wanted her. Not in the first place. I was at my lowest. But I got used to the thought, however that worked. I don’t know. All I know is I was ready. And then I lost her.”

And again, Amy was crying.

“I thought life fucking hates me. Life must be a man, I thought. And you better believe I hated that motherfucker back.”

Amy did the only thing that felt right. She hugged Priya, kissed her… “I love you.”

Somehow, Priya grinned. “Damn. One tragic lifestory and every bitch is at my feet.”

“Priya, I want to fight the world. With you. It’s us against the rest.”

Priya chuckled. “Are you on crack?”

For the first time, Amy laughed. It felt like medicine to a wounded soul. “I’m sad as hell, okay?”

“Time heals all wounds, I guess. At least, that’s what smart people say. It turns wounds to scars. Like, I can talk about it and… not lose my shit. I can be fine. At least, kinda.”

Amy lied down, her head on Priya’s chest. “Are you glad you spoke up?”

“Somehow, yeah. Unless you’ll choose to fuck with me up with it.”

“Never.”

“Well,” Priya said, “it’s not like I wouldn’t kill you.”

“I wouldn’t even be offended if you killed me.”

The two of them laughed.

“Priya?” Amy then asked.

“Sup?”

“Are you… often dating?”

“Not really. I mean, nothing serious these days. I have my toys and that’s it. I seek new ones, and sometimes… Sometimes I break them. But that’s all. No romance and shit like that.”

“…These days?”

“Yeah. I kinda stopped taking it serious.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s like… responsibility. And… I mean, in a relationship, people are supposed to be equal. I realized that doesn’t work.”

Amy was silent. Then she said, “You’d be equal with me.”

But apparently, her voice was too quiet. Priya continued. “I really thought it could work. One time, I was at a sex party with Vega and-”

“Vega?”

“Yeah.”

“Senator Vega?” Amy couldn’t believe it.

“You’re cute when you’re surprised. Anyway-”

“Don’t tell me The Council threw a sex party.”

Priya laughed. “Ew, fuck no. It was a private thing back when we were dating.”

“I… had no idea you were dating him in the past.” Somehow, that changed her perspective. On both of them. A match made in hell.

“1920s. Wild time. Anyway. I was having the time of my life at that party. It was so good that I collapsed.”

Amy gaped. “What the hell?”

“It was great. Damn, I was exhausted. I felt high as hell. Somehow, he stood before me and I just gave him a blowjob. I don’t know if I wanted it at the moment. But he wanted, and I didn’t think. And he cupped my cheeks and pulled me close and I just did it.”

“Uh… Okay…” Another person Amy could never look in the eyes again…

“A moment later, there were a dozen guys surrounding us. And they watched us and jerked off, close to my face and shit. And I was kinda thinking ‘Excuse me??’. I tried to pull away, but he kept me in place and I could tell he was totally enjoying it. He was in control at the moment and he took advantage of me, showing off to all those assholes. And I didn’t want it. Later I realized he had made me feel the exact way I’ve felt all these years. Used.”

“…Wow. I hate him so much right now.”

“Don’t. He’s a fun guy. He was the only one who believed in me, that I could be a famous designer and shit. I owe him a lot. Plus, we had a friends with benefits thing going on for some time. I don’t hate him one bit.”

“But that’s not okay. He was putting his ego over your needs. Have you ever talked to him about it?”

“When the whole thing was over, I said I was exhausted. Seriously, I couldn’t even walk. He picked me up and drove me home.”

“And that’s it?”

“When we woke up afterwards, I told him it was fucked up. And he didn’t even know what I was talking about. So I described it and he said he hadn’t known I was uncomfortable at the moment. I told him that I was and that I didn’t enjoy it, and he apologized and said he wouldn’t have continued if he had known. And then he changed the topic, and I just took it as answer. I was okay with it. We did more fun things and never talked about it again. But it kinda stuck with me.”

Finally, Amy looked Priya in the eyes. “…I would never treat you like that.”

“You’re not a man.”

“Don’t you date women?”

“Not really. I figured dating isn’t really my thing. I think women demand more attention than men. I’m not one to give so much… rather receive.”

Amy looked at Priya in a way that expressed more than words ever could. Simply, she said, “I’d treat you like a goddess, Priya.”

After a silent moment, Priya grinned and said, “I am one.”

“You truly are… Sometimes, I look at you… And I’m just speechless. Like, how could someone be this damn beautiful? Inspirational, even.”

Priya smiled… and the predatory streak was gone. “I didn’t tell you these shit stories for nothing, Amy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you make me see the world in a different light. We talked… And I feel brand new. Like… There’s something I wanna try.”

Was that a hint? Amy took a breather. She had to fucking ask this. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Priya was quiet. Then, she said, “Fuck yeah.”

[bthump]

hey. asia... do you have any modern au coming out thoughtz?

(sry this took a while to answer bc i had to think about it lol)

tbh i could see so many different possibilities being in character, esp depending on the details of the au. But like, assuming this AU is as close to canon as possible while still being set in the present w/ current identity politics and a gay community etc, yk both still have traumatic histories, griffith still has a dream that requires marrying a woman, etc etc, I can maybe throw out a few ideas. tho again like, nothing set in stone.

I guess ultimately I really want them to be each others’ realizations.

I like the idea of Guts’ being a slow realization that kind of sneaks up on him, where first he realizes that he would absolutely be dtf Griffith and it’s not til after that realization that he figures out that makes him gay. Like I mean he’d fall into that “it’s not guys, it’s just you” cliche but he eventually realizes that no, actually it is men.

He might try experimenting too - like surely it’s just because Griffith looks androgynous, so being with a woman would be better - but nope, doesn’t work.

Might be worth mentioning here (tho i’m sure u already know this) that I hc Guts as gay rather than bi bc Miura did a great job of making his interest in Casca feel super inauthentic to me lol.

Also I think it’s fair to assume that his csa trauma would lead to some discomfort here, but at the same time I don’t think he’d consciously like assume all gay people are predatory or even assume his rapist was gay and not just a pedophile. He might be uncomfortable being checked out in bars at first, and I feel like he’d be prone to worrying that his sexuality makes him specifically more likely to hurt someone bc feeling like a monster is kind of a canon issue he has, but he’s smart and fairly self aware and wouldn’t make it anyone else’s problem for the most part, barring like flashbacks during sex or smthn.

Also he’s tough enough that he’d never really feel like he’s in physical danger with anyone else. So assuming he’s in a good place in his personal life (ie not in a walking disaster “don’t touch me” phase) I don’t think he’d show any discomfort. (And I mean in canon the first time we ever saw him relaxed and happy was while having a water fight with a naked dude who he thought came onto him when they first met a few days earlier. I really don’t think it would be a huge issue.)

And overall I think he’d be fairly low-key about it. He’s gay but it’s just a description to him rather than an identity to build his life around. He wouldn’t be closeted but he wouldn’t be out to everyone in his life like, idk coworkers or w/e. Tho eventually I think everyone would realize because I think he’d kind of want to show Griffith off lol.

Griffith I could see like, simultaneously knowing he’s gay all his life and refusing to fully acknowledge it. He’s gotta achieve a goal which requires a certain image which requires heterosexuality. Maybe he’s not actually attracted to women, whatever, but that doesn’t actually matter as far as he’s concerned.

So with Guts being his realization, what that means is that Guts is the breaking point where Griffith realizes he’d rather have Guts than the dream. Yk, like in canon, but with a) no torture chamber, and b) the addition of this realization leading to the larger realization that he can live as his authentic self and be happy.

Like I’ve mentioned before that in Berserk you have this dichotemy of the dream/het marriage/emotional repression vs guts/emotional expression and yk in a modern AU you can add coming out to emotional expression.

Like we’ve talked about this b4 but I’m saying it again bc I love this idea where Griffith realizing he’s in love with Guts and would rather be in a relationship with him than achieve whatever his modern AU dream is is like a catalyst for dropping the image of respectability and ~finding~ himself. He’d make a bunch of gay friends, start experimenting with more gnc looks, volunteer at pride, go to protests, etc.

Though if his motivations for achieving his dream are similar to canon (mb not the whole for the sake of the dead thing, but yk guilt, to assuage a feeling of inherent worthlessness, to justify things he did to achieve it that he’s ashamed of, w/e) there’s also plenty of room for some angst and drama in between that realization that he wants to give it all up for Guts and embracing a new life. Some “am I selfish/terrible for choosing Guts” soul searching or w/e.

ALSO I feel like modern au griffith could’ve been fairly gnc as a child - wanting to play with girls’ toys, singing along to britney spears, saying he wants to marry the disney princes when he grows up, wanting his hair long, playing dress up in dresses, etc - with some kind of catalyst that hammers home this idea that to get the thing he wants he has to police his behaviour and be like everyone else. this is self indulgent but i just like this concept of like, knowing what you’re about as a kid and then having to unlearn everything you’ve internalized since then. it’s an appealing narrative to me.

And like I could see Griffith’s trauma with Gennon actually affecting him and his opinions wrt sexuality/internalized homophobia more than Guts’ trauma affects Guts, mostly because Gennon was such a goddamn evil gay stereotype in canon, plus Griffith’s own self-loathing compounded w/ the idea that he’s always sort of known he was gay = a secondary motivation for trying to embody the image of a heteronormative ideal, to distance himself from the idea that he’s anything like Gennon. Like Griffith’s trauma comes with a side of effeminate stereotypes and ostentatious homoerotic castle decor, etc. But I don’t think it’s necessary either, like it’s not something I’m super interested in exploring and hey maybe modern AU Gennon is less of an offensive stereotype. and/or Griffith is v socially aware and capable of recognizing that Gennon isn’t representative. w/e, kind of a take it or leave it thing I guess.

Also I’m not really envisioning these 2 concepts (guts and griffith) in the same story lol. Maybe they could fit together but I didn’t really think about it.

And again like, I’m just throwing stuff at the wall lol, not saying this is my Official Take on Sexuality and Characterization or w/e.

[thessaliah]

What are favorite and least favorite portrayal of Servants in Fate?

Uhh, there’s a lot?  I’ll assume with portrayals, you mean how legends or historical backgrounds were adapted and reinvented and if I like them?  Keep in mind there are a lot I like and a lot I’m lukewarm I don’t mention here. Some get me more passionate than others. 

Favorites (in no particular order).- Arturia, Merlin and most Round Table. You can tell that Nasu adores Arthuriana stuff and knows it deeply to come out with twists that make sense. Arturia and Mordred are one of the few genderbends who aren’t inherently lazy in Type Moon (unlike others made to just cash in Arturia’s design popularity and get no effort to explain why nobody thought they were women or ignored this - note, this doesn’t mean I dislike them, because I’m fond of Nero and the rest too, but it’s a strike down when you want to talk about this subject). Camelot is, to date, my favorite thing Nasu wrote next to Garden of Avalon because he has such grasp in these characters to make them unique, flawed and tragic. He isn’t afraid to make his female characters here in the wrong, something I deeply appreciate because makes them more sympathetic. The Lion-King was a gift. Yes, sure sometimes isn’t perfect (the characterization switch of Saber Alter from cooly angry tyrant to kuudere), but he usually takes a great care about their portrayal in a serious manner.- Oda siblings, Nobunaga and Nobuyuki:  Guda Guda 2 was so good to turn Nobunaga from a joke character to a serious one with layers, she along with Arturia and her son, became the third serious genderbent, where she suffered the consequences of being a woman and it explains her ascension to power as damyo through Nobuyuki’s sacrifice who she found out later, in the event, never rebelled against her but was trying to expose her detractors and with his sacrifice, he was showing nobody should defy his sister. They hurt my heart.- Solomon: He’s a departure of the Judeo-Christian Solomon, but because a lot of him seems taken off the Islamic version (where he’s literally the world most perfect ruler ever, literally Godsent to build an ideal kingdom which would only last as he lived). He follows Nasu’s most complex king character of the recent years (I like Nero but she lacks ‘something’ for me to see her as a ruler character) to stand next to Arturia and classics, addressing old Fate questions about rulership, humanity, and heroism. I appreciate that, just like Arturia, Nasu obviously knew what he was doing and only adapted his background to Nasuverse to keep it creative but fresh.- Asterios: This is how you write a classic mythological monster and keep him sympathetic without erasing what he was, just give an explanation, and not try to portray the hero who slain him as a ‘loser’.  Theseus was the first one who saw Asterios as a human being in his short published backstory and tried to comfort him when he died. - Leonardo Da Vinci: Her portrayal isn’t perfect, but it’s refreshing to see old theories come to life about Da Vinci (homosexuality, transsexuality). Da Vinci has the honor of being one of the few characters who actually has a love life that doesn’t involve sucking up to the main character or their love interest in life, goals that don’t involve the main character as the center of their lives, and has an exploration of her issues with loneliness and isolated she feels without involving the main character in her interlude (it’s a monologue). In other words, she’s allowed to be more than just Servant arm candy which is rare for a FGO original.- Florence Nightingale: I absolutely love Nightingale portrayal as Berserker, not so much without ME (we see her in Dantes event), but this asexual, aromantic, completely madwoman, in a good and bad sense, who is focused, intense and eloquent when she wants, intimidating men and women with her one-track mind mission to heal and purify, shows a bit how war takes the sanity of even the most saintly of people and yet they still remain themselves to the core.- Edmond Dantes: Nasu told everyone to watch Gankutsuou one day and said “come up with a Count of Monte Cristo who is nothing like that one”, and they did it. They did it and managed to make him iconic in portrayal too, without the stigma of having to compete with the Gonzo show classic. Against all odds, like poor publicity, limited event, Daganrompa design, he became one of FGO’s most popular originals, because they explored his entire personality and issues in a character-focused event, plus his backstory fits in with Nasuverse, expanding on the character without erasing any of his classic elements.- Most Victoriana characters: Sherlock Holmes, James Moriarty, Frankenstein,  Nursery Rhyme, Jekyll&Hyde, Helena, etc. I’m putting them in the same bag because they got a creative twist for Nasuverse characterization that was well handled, IMO, and were changed for setting purposes and to explore a concept rather than pander a fetish.- Lobo: Great adaptation and portrayal. A literal wolf got more development and introspection than the majority of Epic of Remnants appearing characters. This will never cease to be funny.- Tomoe Gozen: I don’t care much about her character, but gets a honorable mention because they actually keep her true to her legend and background instead of removing it to make her a pure sword waifu who loves the protagonist as they did with a number of characters.

Least favorite (controversial talk and triggers ahead):- Sherezade: I can’t even bring myself to explain how much they botched her and how much I absolutely loathe her. Any other characters in this list annoy me or irk me at very worst, but this one makes me angry. Her entire character is so offensive I can’t articulate it now or this would become far too long. She was one of my favorite childhood heroines, so it makes me extra salty. Let’s just say that they took one of world’s most memorable feminism icons as a nerves of steel creative woman who earned her happy ending and got everything in life to portray her as a mix of broken coward (and a joke after Agartha) full of misandry and internalized misogyny, who kidnapped and brainwashed people, including women, to be murderers and rapists to live her twisted fantasy, but wait, she was ‘cured’ by a good man’s spinning rainbow giant drill while she was told her purpose in life was to make babies. And her happy ending was the result of that man’s wish. Yes, she could have been a take of a broken pedestal who actually overcame her issues and became heroic after a growing up process (even if I disliked that interpretation), but instead of that, she was saved by boy Fergus, and this action is even referred on her profile: her happy ending has resulted of his wish. This is a thing that happened. I have no words to say how utterly crushed I feel regarding her. How they destroyed the core of her character appeal, twisted it and didn’t even allowed her the agency to earn her happy ending.- Altera: Or how to take a fairly interesting warlord and historical figure, remove everything that makes him Attila the Hun to pretend a bland robotic alien weapon waifu was him, even though all her struggle and ‘arc’ isn’t even focused on it, it just becomes an excuse to make her a Servant. Imagine if Arturia’s struggle in Fate wasn’t about her King Arthur related stuff and Camelot fall but about “oh my I’m a dragon hybrid who sided with humans in the end of the age of mystery, Shirou!”, something Nasu could have done since it’s also an aspect of her character, but had the good sense to focus on the fact she’s bloody King Arthur. That her arc is a literally a rehash of “robotic waifu becomes a person, goes against her program” which was already done by Sakura and BB (and Arc a decade before them) masterfully not so long ago, in Fate/Extra CCC, but they were actually well written (in comparison to Extella) so it makes her look extra bad. She was also inserted into the story out nowhere, just like this Velber thing which it’s not even mentioned once in all Extra (the Beasts were, ironically!) and stole the spotlight of characters who were your allies and Servants before, like Gilgamesh and Archer. When Sakura and Gilgamesh got added in CCC, Nasu never removed the focus on the three originals, rather he worked to give everyone their own routes. Extella was a reminder of those fanfics that retcon previously established canon to warp the plot focused on a new OC Mary Sue character who is more special than others with the entire plot orbiting around them, and you can’t escape this. Fortunately, she underperformed so badly as a main heroine of Fate in Japan that Nasu might think twice about pulling this again.- Medusa: I have a hate/love thing with Medusa, because as a character on her own, she started ok, beyond the gross sexual assault thing they never acknowledge as bad and irks me (but this is common in most female characters of TM, and some male ones like Shiki). I like her in FHA, her relationship and devotion to Sakura. However, yeah, she’s Medusa my all-time favorite Greek figure whom I adored since I was a child and her portrayal as a version of Medusa leaves a lot to be desired: removing her sexual relationship with Poseidon (which some versions involve rape, but in most of them they were lovers) to make her ‘pure’ and then portray her as ‘seductive’ was the worst decision Nasu could take in FHA when she was meant to parallel with Sakura’s domestic and sexual abuse, in FSN, so the character became kind of confusing to me. It just feels her character was overwritten to appeal purity-waifu lovers and twisted a bit. Her design (the BDSM outfit) is just ridiculous too. I can’t forgive there weren’t snakes, but with the appearance of Gorgon, this is salvaged that a bit (enemy gorgon is better looking than the playable one too, fff). Gorgon is what I wanted Medusa to be, but sadly that kitty-hood wearing “Ana” comes along with Gorgon (with her dog collar!). I don’t hate her, I have some kind of complicated relationship because my standards for Medusa are higher than usual and her character got overwritten as much as Gilgamesh with the years so it gets confusing (but without giving the attention Gilgamesh got too, so makes it harder to grasp what Nasu is doing now). The Perseus-bashing stuff also get me because, like Medusa’s portrayal, isn’t consistent. See, Medusa was originally Perseus, Nasu just genderbent him in FSN because he needed more girls. Their personalities are extremely alike based on what we see him in Prototype and he’s called like Shinji in FHA when he wasn’t at all (just to make her more sympathetic than the hero who actually killed her was ‘bad’ See why Asterios is a good example and why Medusa isn’t about how to handle this, it’s like she was a test run, IMO)? But in leaked FGO lines reveals Medusa is fine with Perseus now, except for Gorgon who wants to kill him, but she wants to kill everyone even the protagonist. This “characterization marches on” makes it all muddy and confusing. Gilgamesh has a similar problem, but I wasn’t attached to him, so I don’t care much.-Artemis (and Orion): Does this need an explanation?-Fionn and most Irish heroes, but Fionn is the main offender: From a mix of Irish King Arthur and Merlin in legends to a complete joke character whose entire kit and powers get stolen by you know who. Fionn is a disgrace to his legendary counterpart. Diarmuid was ok in Zero (not in FGO tho), Cu is fine (and even gets his noncon old habits called out in FHA!), Medb is one of the few female villains who don’t get whitewashed (though she loses a lot of layers of her mythical counterpart), the rest is… eh. -Kiyohime: Not the worst offender, but becomes a proof how the obsession with “pure” waifu-ideal for insecure otaku ruins a potentially interesting character and makes her super gross and problematic without owning up what she is by the fandom and, sometimes, canon. In legend, Kiyohime was a scorned woman whose lover, a monk Anchin, abandoned her after he regretted their relationship (which includes sex, several times). That’s the thing: they were in a relationship with a promise to stick together and he dumps her and runs off. She becomes enraged by his actions that become a serpent who chases him, but she was the one wronged, even if his death was extreme, it portrays her as a tragic character who lost it after a real betrayal. What does FGO does? Oh boy, FGO Kiyohime is just a crazy stalker creepy yandere who killed a monk (who was gay, by the way) who rejected her when she nightcrawled to his room (in case this gets lost in translation, google what is “nightcrawling” to get the extra disgusting implication), but because she insisted as the creepy obsessive woman she is, he promised her to meet her again to get her off his neck and escape, even though he had already made clear he wasn’t into her (or women) at all. She gets offended when he, the victim, runs away, chases and kills him. Now imagine if Kiyohime was a creepy stalker guy who slipped into a lesbian nun’s room when she sleeps to demand sex and a relationship and she tells him to sod off, but he doesn’t get the memo and chases after she escapes and burns her to death when she’s hiding because he was jilted. Now you get why her character is beyond gross. I shouldn’t even need to genderflip the story, but it seems some fans are too easily mislead by a cute waifu antics teehee. It’s fine to like her as long as you’re aware of her a problematic character and not a “cinnamon roll”. She rubs me wrong because it’s obviously an attempt to cash in with yandere-fans by twisting a story of a scorned woman who is lost in grief and anger which causes a tragedy. But it seems that otaku would take a gay man-burning crazy stalker over a nonvirgin. On the other hand, I REALLY love her design. It feels like a complete and absolutely tragedy of a waste character because I love her VA, her Art and classy design (summer and normal version) and NP, but the change made to her character was really appalling. -Beowulf: I don’t have strong feelings about him, but he’s one of the most world-famous heroes and yet he’s a footnote whose appearances consist on lose the fight to some of Nasu’s favorites (Li Shu Wen and Martha). He feels less than a character and more “That guy Nasu uses to show off how tough his favorites are in a fist fight”. Also his design sucks, his art is good but I just dislike the ‘modern’ look unless you’re going all hammy about it like Kintoki.-Caligula: He’s not a character, he’s just Nero’s accessory and blind worshipper for no reason. If they bothered to keep up with his historical background, he’ll be more into his horse and Iskandar, and, maybe, Iskandar’s horse. He has no real personality beyond NERO NERO NERO. Kind of a shame because his design is ok, and he is potentially interesting as a gross unhinged emperor.-Siegfried: Siegfried is… a good boy, but he became an unfunny joke that I can’t longer take seriously as a character thanks to FGO. He’s in serious need of a makeover. Introducing Kiemhild and Hagen could be a good start, he’s savagable, just not so fond of what he is now.-Elizabeth Bathory-Carmilla: Not so much that I dislike them as characters, but it kind of rubs me the wrong way the one that should be an older woman with a torture fetish is portrayed as a dragon idol while Carmilla, the one immortalized as a young girl by Le Fanu, is the older woman. If they switched designs, and made Carmilla a catgirl instead of a dragon girl, preferably, but I don’t mind them at all, just this kind of irks me because they kind of switched their usual thing? It’s not dislike, just confusion.- Mephistopheles:  Or let’s take a famous devil in a classic to make him a murderous clown. What could go wrong? What’s even the point of this character, really? I love his artist and his VA, but this takes the cake of the most wasted character in FGO and has zero to do with his portrayal. I mean, I get the adaptation about homunculus stuff, but it was kind of too jarring switch because none of his traits are like Mephistopheles, like AT ALL. Erik was kind of wasted and made a bishie cosplaying Freddy Krueger, but at least he keeps the Christine stuff and a mask, to say “Oh right this is the Phantom of the Opera.” Nothing about Mephistopheles makes me think “This is Mephistopheles!” It’s like Nasu and his boys were talking about character concepts and one was “Hey, guys, I just rented It, and I want to add an evil clown in FGO!”, “Sounds great, but who can be? We can’t just steal Pennywise, he’s copyrighted.” “I know, let’s make him Mephistopheles!” “Why?” “Er, it sounds like how a devilish clown would call himself” and boom. Something like that.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Sweet/Vicious

Part I: Remember Fondly When 4th Meals Were a Thing and Breakfast at Night Reigned Supreme

The Setup: It started, as much does, with a tweet. That tweet was followed, as many are, by regret. Fortunately, Jennifer Kaytin Robinson is a generous sort.

Robinson’s glorious but short-lived vigilante dramedy Sweet/Vicious was always on the list of candidates for an all-hands Reaction -- Miri started watching a day or two after Kris did, back in the fall, so Liz and Marchae added it to their (lengthy) to-watch lists -- but we didn’t put a timetable on it until our loyal reader @crazyhannibalthedaisiesslayer suggested it.

In this post (and its continuation, on Friday), we cover the first three episodes: “The Blueprint,” “The Writing’s on the Wall,” and “Sucker,” and many thoughts and feelings about campus sexual violence and related topics.

LIZ: First thing: I only had time to watch the first 3 episodes, although I wish I’d been able to see more!

Kris you here?

MIRI: Ok, that’s how many I rewetted!

MARCHAE: I watched 4

KRIS: GOSH DARN IT

MIRI: DAMMIT rewatched 

hahahahahha insert gif here

So, Liz and Marchae, what did you think????

MARCHAE: It is oddly addicting

KRIS: Why oddly?

MARCHAE: I think because I used to work in student affairs and dealt with some of the scenarios so in that way it is weird to see a comedy/drama of this topic

LIZ: I am IN LOVE. I thought episode one was amazing and I am pretty much hooked. I am here for the message and the premise and i think every college campus needs these 2 ladies!

MARCHAE: however the characters are 100% engaging and you want them to win so hard...

I called my mom after episode one and was like should i feel bad for wanting to see the guys get beat up

LIZ: The way they show the victims of sexual assault and discuss their stories is just so real even though the show suspends our disbelief in other ways so much

MIRI:  Marchae, I don’t think you should feel bad

How do you feel about how stylized it is? I love it, but I feel like it’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea

LIZ:  Rapists who are getting away with it 100% and ruining their victims lives? no I would not feel bad

KRIS: When I first saw trailers for it (while my old roommates watched MTV reality shows) I was like oh, man, I don’t know, this seems like it might be trashy and exploitative

MARCHAE:  I do agree Lizzie... it’s weird because my brain wants this to be a straight drama

yet i am oddly satisfied with the moments of comedic relief

LIZ: I didn’t think the stylization was OVER THE TOP

MIRI: Yeah, it’s a hard show to sell but SO GOOD

LIZ: theres a lot of comedy

MIRI: I think it all works together beautifully

LIZ: agreed

I was pretty much in love

KRIS: I was almost upset at how good it was

MIRI: For me, the cold open of ep one says it all

KRIS: I had to text Miri immediately

LIZ: and then they were singing defying gravity in the car and i was like

KRIS: THERE’S A LEVERAGE WRITER

MIRI: You were definitely upset

KRIS: THE EMOTIONAL CLIMAX IS A WICKED SINGALONG

MIRI: THERE IS???

LIZ: yeah

like

MIRI: WHo?

KRIS: BRANDON MYCHAL SMITH FROM YOU’RE THE WORST

M Scott Veach

MIRI: Cool!

LIZ: oh end of sentence about defying gravity.. i felt like the show understood my soul

MIRI: Moment of appreciation for Brandon Mychal Smith playing SUCH a different type of comedy equally well

LIZ: ALSO.. it takes a certain type of weird ass show for all 4 of us to be VERY on board.. and I also like that about it

KRIS: He’s one of the only men who can say the word “bitch” and not make me a little uncomfortable

MIRI: True!

hahahahaha

LIZ: Is that Harris?

MIRI: Yes!

KRIS: Yeah

LIZ: I LOVE HIM

MIRI: Yay!

KRIS: One of the reasons I really wanted us to do 3 episodes was so you could see the start of his thing with Fiona

LIZ: What do you think about that?

MIRI: Is that the sorority girl?

KRIS: I like it!

Lemon as the one of us with the most first-hand sorority expertise what’s your general sense of the Zeta dynamic?

LIZ: I identify with the sorority characters who are actually smarter and much more .. defined as human beings than most would give them credit for or that they initially come off as

KRIS: (Harris gets crystallized so instantly with the line “I’m not saying I have sexual dreams about Ruth Bader Ginsberg... but I’m also not saying I don’t”)

LIZ: I mean.. I had several (male) friends and family members say to me when I joined my very small.. one of a kind local sorority.. “oh so you’re a sorostitute?”

MIRI: SUCH A LINE

LIZ: Yes i have a note about the RBG line

MIRI: UM that’s horrible and fuck them

LIZ: right, but that kind of mentality and characterization of college aged women who are friends with other women in the form of a sorority is so widespread

MIRI: The pilot honestly does SO much to characterize Jules, Ophelia, and Harris so quickly

KRIS: I do really like how they initially lean into the less generous expectations about sororities and then flesh out I think all of those characters in great ways

Mackenzie was a sleeper favorite for me

(the anxious redhead safety chair)

LIZ: this gives them facets.. like fuck what you thought about me and also.. I don’t have to not like to do my makeup or sometimes dress up for me to be a smart or valid female.

MIRI: I feel like Kennedy takes a little longer, but not in a bad way

Liz, you are amazing and I love you

LIZ: i don’t know many shows that give girls that kind of credit.. very legally blonde of this show..except Elle Woods was the exception there

MARCHAE: They have to save Kennedy (I say this not Having seen more than 4 epi)

KRIS: You will be pleased

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: Visually, I am impressed with the shows set designs, makeup, and wardrobe

MARCHAE: I feel like they have to hold her close because of nick and Jules 

LIZ: hold who close?

oh kennedy

MARCHAE: (Also back to thumbs on the phone)

KRIS: I LOVE the world-building, especially on what I assume is a pretty small budget

MIRI: I do love her moment when Ophelia tells her she has a very calming presence and she’s just like “I know"

LIZ: yeah i am also worried about her

KRIS: Lemon talk about makeup

MIRI: Yeah!

LIZ: ITS EXPENSIVE

KRIS: (please)

LIZ: what else?

oh as far as this show is concerned

MIRI: yes, world building 

LIZ: Jules and Ophelia (yes to the names btw)

have such amazing looks and their hair is bouncy like they are comic book drawings, but their makeup isn’t like that (bc that would be fucking bizarre) and I love how the fresh rosy-cheeked and bright eyed look of Jules is enhanced with her makeup and Ophelia’s brows and eye makeup are dark and defined/ grungy at times, but she is also kind of sweet because they don’t cake her up or give her a heavy lip.. idk if that makes sense to anyone else

their eyes are so expressive as actresses

and then they’re important because of the ninja outfits

MIRI: That all makes sense to me and I would never have thought of it at all

KRIS: it is right on the edge of my comprehension

MIRI: Sidebar: SUPER excited for you to see more Orphan Black and discuss that makeup

LIZ: but I am pleased with the fine line between real world and cartoonish that the MUA on this show kind of stride beautifully to give them unique looks that foil one another and bring out their strengths and sometimes their faults

KRIS: Ophelia I think I understand best in this context

MARCHAE: YESS LIZ!!!

I do want to ask a question

LIZ: It is more subtle with Jules, because she is made to look more fresh, but I mean everyone on any show has lots of makeup on

ok done w makeup ranting/ observing

MIRI: What’s up, Marchae?

MARCHAE: *sorry liz...go on***

LIZ: oh no thats pretty much it

are you getting things in real time marchae? (with your computer)

MARCHAE: I wanted to chime in about wardrobe because it’s super similar to the way in which makeup is handled... and you definitely know who these people are and the kind of persons that this show is trying to share

MIRI: Ooh, please do!

LIZ: oh yes, the wardrobe feels almost theater like to me.. do you agree or am i wrong

MARCHAE: ( It was touch and go for a moment but me and my thumbs are finally #winning on the computer... I couldn’t take the tiny keyboard anymore)

LIZ: bless you for trying

MIRI: I never really notice Ophelia’s wardrobe that much, but the props they have for her are iconic and say so much

MARCHAE: I think it does... the show feels VERY comicbook-esq like I mentioned it reminds me very much in aesthetics to deadly class and there is another comic that focuses on a high school that I’m blanking on

LIZ: was this ever a graphic novel or comic book?

MARCHAE: but you get a lot in terms of wardrobe via colors that they use for these characters... Ophelia is almost always in darks, Jules in pinks and pastels

I quick checked and didn’t see it

KRIS: it was original to Jenn Kaytin Robinson

I mean she did a shit ton of research, and the producers watched The Hunting Ground and stuff

LIZ: nice..and yes I agree with the colors

MARCHAE: But these choices are interesting because they are almost opposite to the characters we meet in the show

LIZ: and the fact that Jules keeps her identity even as a vigilante with her pink backpack

MARCHAE: so Jules we meet as the original vigilante and she’s the one in the brightest colors ALWAYS in the show

LIZ: and then Ophelia has that car!

MARCHAE: that backpack is definitely our hint

MIRI: Because she’s trying SO hard to still be that girl

KRIS: Oh that’s so interesting. Jules is super dark and “damaged” and Ophelia’s ultimately a sweetheart.

MARCHAE: and Ophelia is always in darks

LIZ: right!?

MARCHAE: **taps nose at kris**

MIRI: I like that even when they put Jules in the Spitters are Quitters shirt, it’s light colored

MARCHAE: so its totally the opposite of what we see

in terms of how they are portrayed in their “normal life”

any who enough of my rant

LIZ: I find Ophelia to be much more innocent.. not because of being sexually assaulted, but because she is kind of playing catch up and barfs when she kills a guy and Jules obviously took this mission upon herself to become a kick ass fighter and to start doing something

MARCHAE: liz i absolutely agree

ophelia definitely the more innocent seeming of the two

KRIS: Ophelia’s so fucking great

MIRI: Yeah, Ophelia thinks of herself as So Hardcore but is basically a sweet 19 yr old with some abandonment issues

I love her

MARCHAE: and she tells you as much in her dialogue

LIZ: I love her!

MARCHAE: some is an understatement miri

KRIS: I loved the vomiting and I don’t even know why

MARCHAE: she has ALL the abandonment issues

LIZ: i loved that it was pink

MIRI: Because it’s pink!

KRIS: I guess the unexplained pink?

MARCHAE: the vomiting is AMAZINNNGNGGGGGGGGG

LIZ: yes

MIRI: It’s absurd and so totally the show

LIZ: hahahha

KRIS: wow we are ALL on a wavelength tonight

MIRI: But it is!

LIZ: like.. I don’t need to see chunky soup barf

i get it

MIRI: The show is 100% going to show you the puking

MARCHAE: i usually don’t want to see it at all period ever

but it works for the show

MIRI: But it’s also going to make it funny and stylized

MARCHAE: and that character as kind of a she seems hard core but is not!

OH OH

KRIS: LeBong James

MIRI: YES

MARCHAE: so my question and this was a thing that kind of made me curious

LEBONGGGGG

MIRI: She’s a nerd ❤️ 

LIZ: There is a lot of suspension of disbelief in this show.. not bc girls can’t fight injustices, but because of how they  should’ve gotten caught and how Ophelias mad hacker skills save the day alot

LEBONNNGGGGGGG

MIRI: I feel weird being the only one who hasn’t said LeBong

MARCHAE: (THEY MURDERED SOMEONE CLUMSILY AND CHICA BARFED ALL OVER THE SCENE!!!!DNA MUCH)

there it goes

LIZ: Also the male assailants aren’t even cookie cutter like on other shows or movies

MIRI: I KNOW BUT JUST GO WITH IT

KRIS: Without spoiling anything I’ll say they’re generally really good about chickens coming home to roost

Maybe not DNA specifically? But the show is serious about Consequences

MARCHAE: so question... what institution do they go to where there is an assult like every freaking second

LIZ: they are all different and some are even charming (most are) and they have different personalities and hobbies.. like Nate is acting like a really good boyfriend to Kennedy so if we didn’t know what he’s capable of, we’d forgive his jerk reaction to her missing his football thing bc of his super sweet apology

MIRI: Well, it’s Darlington University, right?

KRIS: Well A) that doesn’t actually strike me as unrealistic but B) I got the sense of a “backlog” of assaults -- they’re using that wall, which was started who knows how long ago

MIRI: So it’s at least big enough to have masters programs

KRIS: not responding to like the student weekly or something

MIRI: True

LIZ: i mean i know so many people in so many schools (large, small, medium and very small) who all have sexual assault stories

MARCHAE: thanks for the wall reminder

LIZ: i didn’t find the number to be at all shocking

KRIS: yeah

MARCHAE: I think maybe again its the dissonance of this being a drama/comedy that has me a bit jarred

LIZ: maybe the number of guys that were turned in or reported seems high, but SO FUCKING MANY are floating around in my mind right now

MARCHAE: i dealt with lots (more than i have ever wanted to) but not weekly by any stretch

that definitely doesn’t mean it wasn’t happening

MIRI: Well, just because the show aired every week doesn’t mean it’s only a week in universe

LIZ: right

thats true

MARCHAE: thanks gang

MIRI: And Kris is right--they definitely go into past exploits some

KRIS: That wall, man

MIRI: It is BRUTAL and so effective

MARCHAE: yeah the reminder of the wall definitely does it.... i literally was like

DAMN this is INSANE and darlington should be shut the hell down

KRIS: I texted Miri something like “I never do this but there’s a pure drama beat that made me 😭😭😭😭”

LIZ: I wish every college had a wall

KRIS: and it was definitely Ophelia handing Jules the Sharpie

MIRI: He did and I treasure that text

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

LIZ: oh something that I meant to google.. could be such a coincidence

MARCHAE: UGHHHH

LIZ: at my college, in the same kind of font.. the party dorm/ suites were called “Reimert Hall” and they are like “see you at Leimert” spelled the same and then they show “Leimert Hall” and it is creepily spot on

KRIS: Huh

MIRI: Whoa 

LIZ: not related to the wall

separate

MARCHAE: we did have a question from one of our readers and I promised I would bring it up to react to

LIZ: lol.. it is student housing but.. idk weird to me but maybe not to anyone else

MIRI: Yes, I want to talk about that!!!

LIZ: go for it! I don’t know the question

MARCHAE: about student housing or the question from our loyal reader

i get confused sometimes

KRIS: our loyal reader

LIZ: I’m assuming she means from the reader

MIRI: The question

yes

MARCHAE: BWHA

sorry

LIZ: mine was just a point thrown out and doesn’t really leave much to comment on haha

MIRI: Share the question with us, Marchae

MARCHAE: OH MY GRIEF I  am typing then stop to read...

LIZ: I know.. Kris and Miri are too fast for me

MARCHAE: ok so the reader wants to know if we read Ophelia as bi

MIRI: Sorry!

KRIS: NO STOPPING the overlapping is half of our charm

MIRI: Omg Kris

LIZ: There was one thing that made me think that

MARCHAE: GO!

MIRI: Ok, I am deeply bi-ased (hahahahahah) so I want yawl to discuss it first

LIZ: hahaha

MARCHAE: STAP!

MIRI: 😉

MARCHAE: go lizzie

@miri you are my everything LOL

LIZ: Harris said something about her being with Jule (I’m having a brain fart and can’t remember if it is jules or rule..)

MARCHAE: her being with rules?

LIZ: and I think Ophelia was like “not like that” kind of blushing

jULE*

damnit

KRIS: For all of my striving toward wokeness I am generally still slow to pick up on, I guess, Sapphic vibes -- although being a social media-engaged Supergirl fan is training me better -- but I did also note that on my rewatch

LIZ: but it was a micro second kind of moment that made me think.. oh she dates girls too.. cool

so what do you think Kris

KRIS: This is pretty convincing to me:

http://wistfulwatcher.tumblr.com/post/154191025349/harris-has-most-definitely-seen-ofeefs-kissing-a

MIRI: Kris I offer my services if you ever need a consultant on this quest

LIZ: OHHH and PERSON yes thats smart

MARCHAE: AHHHHHHHHHHH

I didn’t even pick up on it!

MIRI: Ahhhhhhhh shit I didn’t even notice the person thing

MARCHAE: SWEET

i also think there is a lot of tension with Ophelia

MIRI: Ok, Reacting to Something officially rules Ophelia to be bi

Or pan, who knows

LIZ: I kind of also thought that was just a more interesting way of putting it..  like IS THERE A LIVE HUMAN JUST RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HOUSE?

MARCHAE: the writing and ACTING are smart like that

KRIS: And on my search for gifs to add to the post later, the scene in the cemetery -- “I think you’re amazing” -- seemed to be another touchstone

MARCHAE: yes!

MIRI: So when we got this question I was like “huh, are people seeing that?

Outside of shipping her and Jules?”

MARCHAE: but we also know that Ophelia doesn’t have friends

MIRI: But upon rewatch it’s pretty solidly set up

MARCHAE: so before the question i suspected that she was just kind of enjoying her new friendship with this person

LIZ: wait whats solidly set up

MARCHAE: she’s wanted that

LIZ: her being bi?

KRIS: yes

LIZ: just confirming

MARCHAE: then after the question we received not only did I pay more attention, but I think again there is definitely some tension

MIRI: I’m honestly so jaded from shows that like to dip their toe in the idea of something happening but will never go for it that I tend to only accept stated queerness

MARCHAE: and she might have a crush on jules!

MIRI: But it does feel very genuine and deliberate here

Which is lovely!

MARCHAE: agreed miri

LIZ: good!

K: consider it canon

KRIS: I think it was a writers room with only one straight man

LIZ: Im HERE FOR THAT

MARCHAE: That’s kind of awesome!

KRIS: (the past tense here kills me)

MIRI: I love it

UGhhhhhhhh I know

LIZ: wait

is it done?

forever

KRIS: I don’t think I’ve ever been so upset about a cancellation

LIZ: LAWD

MARCHAE: yup

LIZ: I CANT

KRIS: They’re shopping it to streaming sites

MIRI: Guys, sorry we’re making you fall in love with a cancelled show

LIZ: THIS FUCKING WEEK

MARCHAE: yeah i found out today

yeah

MIRI: OMG did we not tell you???

LIZ: *BREAK FOR EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN*

MARCHAE: i was PISSED OFF

LIZ: NO

I DIDNT KNOW

MIRI: I’M SO SORRY!!!!!!!

MARCHAE: and like this is why I DON”T WATCH TV

LIZ: This is the devils week. why not this too!?

anyways

MARCHAE: LOLOL

LIZ: also.. good girls revolt was amazing (to me)

MIRI: I loved it!

MARCHAE: also can i just have my moment for the fact that this show also digs into the issue of racism

LIZ: why can’t bad bitches get a win? why

yes

MARCHAE: and handles it kind of nicely

KRIS: That scene was surprisingly upsetting

LIZ: super upsetting

KRIS: I love that it’s the cop we saw be nice to Jules

MIRI: Yes! Let’s talk about that froyo scene

It’s so well done

MARCHAE: reminded me of trayvon martin

MIRI: And the other cop recognizing that it’s wrong, but not stepping up enough to actually stop it

MARCHAE: i also love that is it harris?

LIZ: like he was being racially profiled.. but he also had the one good thing he was looking forward to smashed on the ground

MARCHAE: yup

LIZ: yeah just kind of being like “sorry, but this is kind of what we do, i won’t stop it”

MARCHAE: it is heartbreaking and realistic

KRIS: That younger cop also comes back

MIRI: I’m glad that they played it very seriously

LIZ: ooo

MARCHAE: I was glad that he didn’t want to be seen as only one kind of black when he fought back with the paper editor as well

KRIS: This show has a really deep bench of minor-ish supporting characters

MARCHAE: they better had!

KRIS: MM I think that’s episode 4

On a lighter note I also really appreciate the importance of froyo to the world-building of this college town

LIZ: yes I’m not familiar

MARCHAE: YES

MIRI: Froyo continues to matter

As does pizza

MARCHAE: and dairy queen soft serve

LIZ: In college, we would plan a whole trek to froyo (we got one a few min away my senior year)

MARCHAE: GURL

MIRI: We once drove to Waffle House at 4 am in the snow

In South Carolina

KRIS: From earlier than I remembered, too -- Ophelia running away from Barton and running into a guy carrying a cup -- “Tart?!”

MIRI: where they can’t handle snow

KRIS: YES the pizza place

MIRI: Huh? What is the cup thing?

KRIS: of froyo

LIZ: Food culture in college .. is something very important and lets think abouthtat

MIRI: OHHHH

KRIS: Ophelia has no patience for Basic things, clearly

MIRI: Also that running away scene is great

LIZ: and by think of that .. I mean.. remember fondly when 4th meals were a thing and breakfast at night reigned supreme.

MIRI: Ophelia has a lot of opinions and I have a lot of feelings about her

KRIS: (I love Jules’s “I like sunsets on Instagram”)

LIZ: ophelia is hilarious.. i love her comment “she’s literate”

KRIS: Ophelia’s ramen diet

MARCHAE: LOL

LIZ: and also that girl [Fiona] trying to be sexy and saying “there are no drapes” so seriously

MIRI: Yeah I definitely want to see that girl eat a vegetable

LIZ: and giving up and being  like “IM SHAVED” ahaha

KRIS: Lemon I laughed so loud at “She’s literate?” on my rewatch

MIRI: I love that girl!

MARCHAE: there are a ton of one liners

LIZ: yeah the popcorn for breakfast made even me feel like OH HONEY NO NUTRIENTS

KRIS: So real

MARCHAE: that’s usually my breakfast on sundays after i mop

LIZ: miri what are your many opinions about ophelia

MARCHAE: and i’m old

MIRI: WAIT

LIZ: my dogs eat better than I do so I get it

MIRI: Marchae eat real meals please I worry

LIZ: and you mop before you eat

MARCHAE: yes almost every sunday

MIRI: Ok back to my many opinions: as stated I LOVE HER

LIZ: i had a banana, fake chicken, vegan pasta and granola today.. that is kind of healthy

MIRI: I also really love her need to belong

MARCHAE: i eat popcorn, drink a pepsi and catch up on my shows

LIZ: her need to belong to who or what

KRIS: just in general

LIZ: I guess I am really new

MARCHAE: YES

KRIS: to have friends, to have a cause

MIRI: She’s obsessed with the idea that she’s this cool fuckup who doesn’t need people, but she needs people so MUCH

LIZ: I get that

MARCHAE: its evident from episode one almost immediately

LIZ: we all do! even when we aren’t good at.. people!

MIRI: She jumps head first into this insane vigilante thing

LIZ: MARCHAE

MIRI: and kicks it into a higher gear

LIZ: STOP DRINKING SODA

MARCHAE: i think it makes her so relatable too and you fall in love with her

LIZ: IT WILL KILL YOU

MARCHAE: (mostly only on SUNDAY AFTER MOPPING but WITH POPCORN)

LIZ: I know, she is the perfect.. not robin.. robin

MIRI: She hurts Harris so easily but would be devastated if she actually lost him

LIZ: yeah i love her apology scene to him

MARCHAE: but he loves her no matter what

MIRI: She thinks she’s beyond needing that sort of connection because she can’t have it with her mom

LIZ: just a girl standing in front of  a boy.. asking for her job back

KRIS: Yes her bad-friend-ness is great

MARCHAE: *snap snap snaps fingrs*

MIRI: But she’s wrong

KRIS: Dammit Ophelia you know I can’t resist Notting Hill

MIRI: and she needs people so badly

Also she’s just hilarious and brilliant and I love her and Harris’s friendship so much

LIZ: her mom was so rude to her on the phone it made me sad especially because Jules doesn’t have a mom.. and I know those were really briefly introduced to me, but I’m sure those are important issues

MIRI: OH YOU JUST WAIT

On the subject of friendship, there are a ton of examples of girls being very affirmational to each other that really interest me

LIZ: I also love that Harris is.. presumably straight and is not afraid to love RBG or Notting Hill

KRIS: I’m so jealous you’re experiencing this show for the first time

MIRI: Because sometimes they’re played for laughs

But not most of the time

and I love that

MARCHAE: YES!

MIRI: Like, the high girls just need to hug!

LIZ: I wanted to be in the back seat of their car screaming along to Defying Gravity

MIRI: And sometimes Kennedy is a bit ridiculous with her goddess stuff

MARCHAE: i love your love for defying gravity liz

MIRI: But for the most part it is 100% genuine

MARCHAE: Kennedy is the most

MIRI: And so what I do with my friends

LIZ: yeah kennedy suggesting that shit to ophelia was HILARIOUS

basically like “HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO GOOP.COM?”

MIRI: kennedy is indeed the most

MARCHAE: I am so CURIOUS about what happens when Jules tells her

KRIS: That shot where I assume Fiona and Gabby are on a dolly when they enter Vinylton high on shrooms is perfect

MIRI: So I love that there’s drunk girl in the bathroom type compliments and Woke Freshman type compliments AND really genuine support for each other

KRIS: sorry I was just slow there

LIZ: i think that kennedy will eventually (i mean who knows since it is cancelled) be an ally and join the cause or at least be supportive in a protective way

MIRI: OH JUST WAIT

MARCHAE: if she does I may ink myself!!!

KRIS: I repeat, I am so jealous you’re experiencing this show for the first time

MIRI: It’s a very well plotted season and that is all I will say

MARCHAE: *hugs kris*

UGHHHH i’ll probably finish it this weekend

LIZ: hahaha kris I’m feeling like that repetition is to keep yourself from spoiling

KRIS: There is Jules-Kennedy closure, for sure

Yeah, so, we went really long, even for us. Find the rest of our Reaction here.

EDITED 20 April 2019: You can and should buy Sweet/Vicious on Amazon, Google Play, or iTunes. If you’re here because you just watched Jennifer Kaytin Robinson’s Someone Great, maybe now’s a good time to renew calls for Netflix to add S/V to its library.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I don’t know if someone has already talked about the melody Ramiel whistles while he comes home from fishing, i.e. the music of the aria La Donna È Mobile from Giuseppe Verdi’s Rigoletto.

(Trigger warning for mention of rape in the context of a XIX century opera.)

It’s actually an interesting choice because the text of the song is about women being fickle and not to be trusted, which could suggest that it refers to Mary going behind the others’ backs and lying to them.

But I’m pretty sure there is more to it, because there was more about the song in Verdi’s work to begin with. I mean, the opera was first performed in 1851 and it wasn’t exactly times of much feminist-friendly representation in media, but basically the song is put in the mouth of a young and attractive version of Trump so it’s like the most feminist statement you can get in 1851, since the narrative frames the character as a misogynistic asshole and rapist (warning: in the story, the raped girl still loves him afterwards, so read the plot at your own caution).

In fact Rigoletto is all about deceit and lies and fake identities and disguises. Kind of a big theme in Supernatural...

(Disclaimer, I have never seen Rigoletto or read the script of it lol. There might be inaccuracies.)

The plot goes kinda like this: Rigoletto, a misshapen and hunchbacked man, is the buffoon at the court of the Duke of Mantua (kind of the only job you could do if you were a visibly physically disabled guy at the time), and he has a secret daughter (from a deceased wife) who people think he’s his secret lover.

The girl’s name is Gilda and Rigoletto is very caring and loving towards her, while he’s brash and caustic with everyone else at the court, so people assume his vitriolic side is his full personality, as they evidently wouldn’t bother looking beyond their perception of Rigoletto as the stereotype of disabled people being bitter and misanthropist. Kind of remind me of people who dismiss Dean as a womanizing frat boy - Rigoletto’s caustic side was probably his “work persona” as he pretty much worked as a court satirist. Also his daughter being mistaken by his lover kinda reminds me of w--cest shippers but hey.

Anyway. The Duke of Mantua is a dudebro who sleeps around with a lot of women (including married ones). In fact he’s the one who sings La Donna È Mobile, the song about women being irrational and always changing their ideas and opinions, when in fact he’s just a misogynistic prick. You know how misogynistic dudebros brag about being “logical” and say that women are emotional and weak because they’re irrational, when in fact they (the dudebros) are the whiniest and most irrational people around? The sense of the song is something along those lines. (Although in the opera everyone is irrational, men and women alike, but I guess that’s just how opera is.)

Now, the Duke often goes around the people in disguise, and one day he sees Gilda and decides to seduce her. He pretends to be a penniless student, and she falls in love with him, not knowing he’s the Duke. (I guess the Duke was smarter than Trump otherwise he could have never passed as an academic lol.)

In the meanwhile the rumor has spread that Rigoletto has a secret lover, and some courtesans, who hate Rigoletto because of his constant satirical attacks on them, decide to kidnap her, They even involve Rigoletto in the plan, as they lie to him about what they’re going to do. They make Rigoletto wear a mask (another disguise...) that limits his vision and hearing (limited knowledge due to deceit...), and only once the deed is done, Rigoletto realizes what has happened.

In the meanwhile the Duke finds that the girl has been brought to the palace, and is all happy because he can have her without even trying. Rigoletto tries to get to Gilda, revealing that she’s in fact his daughter to everyone’s surprise, but it’s too late and the girl gets raped by the duke. Afterwards she gets to her father and cries for having been lied to by the duke about his identity, and Rigoletto tries to console her.

Gilda still has feelings for him, though, because it’s the XIX century and female characters in media aren’t really emancipated. So Rigoletto decides to let her see what kind of man the duke really is. He makes a deal with an assassin, whose sister is a prostitute: the sister will arrange to meet with the duke, while Gilda is there in disguise and thus will be able to see that the duke doesn’t respect women, and then the assassin will kill the duke.

The duke agrees to meet the prostitute, and while he goes there he sings the song about women being irrational: Gilda has the opportunity to see how much of a dudebro the duke is. But again, 1851 and feminism in media had a long way to go - both the assassin’s sister and Gilda love the Duke anyway. The assassin’s sister begs her brother not to kill him, and she and her brother come to a compromise: the brother will wait until midnight and then kill the first man that enters the place the duke and the prostitute were supposed to meet. Gilda hears that and decides to sacrifice herself for the Duke: she dresses up in male clothing, enters the place immediately at midnight and the assassin kills her thinking she’s a man.

The assassin brings Rigoletto the body in a bag, and Rigoletto is all happy because he thinks the Duke is dead... and then he hears the Duke’s voice nearby cheerfully singing his song about women again. Rigoletto freezes in horror and finds out that the victim is his daughter, the tragedy of the scene emphasized by the irony of the cheerful song by the Duke.

Basically everyone lies and disguises themselves as someone else, a parent makes a shady deal and the innocent child gets the short end of the stick. Makes me think that in the context of the plot of the episode Mary is Rigoletto and Cas (who counts as one of her boys, as Mary states herself) is Gilda, who sacrifices herself because she’s in love. Of course unlike Gilda Cas survives but Cas has been paralleled to a character called Gilda before in-show, so...

[shortywiththebuttons]

This bouta be one long ass typo filled vent.

First and and foremost I just added HELLA people specifically People from my African diaspora on this. I’ve had it since high school so 2010 I’m in University now . nice to meet you all 🤷🏿‍♀️✊🏿😝 my name is Ro . I’m super open to conversation questions whatever.

I added mad people because I organize ,politically im no pro or anything,I don’t even know what I’m doing 1/2 the time I just do what’s in my heart and he’ll I guess every small step I make makes a difference.

I’m currently in the process of getting a sexual assault resource center built in Isla Vista California which is an unincorporated area behind the University of California Santa Barbara ...I want all contractors to be from marganilized backgrounds and ultimately I’m gonna have this project be a community collective.itll be a long term project and it’s currently in the beginning stages and the meetings are going well but given I attend a PWI I’d like outside support and more energy from my people to continuously push for this to be created . Scrolling my page you’ll kinda see the shit I’ve been dealing with and where this comes from. However I’m currently slowing down THIS video BELOW ...making it onger and more detailed

https://youtu.be/c-yKepzDwzY

But editing is depressing triggering and frustrating and I’m on some Kevin gates Aint shit gone make me sad today type stuff so it’s not going well. I currently just need to add audio to the lengthened version and I’ll be fine to share it.. But audio means watching it and choosing a song and perfect timing so yeah...I hate reliving the stuff .but eh I hope you like the video I’ll post the update ASAP . I actually move out of CA soon APRIL so it’ll be before I leave to embark on this random traveling experience I have planned 👌🏿🙆🏿‍♀️

My main goal socially is to be as real and open as possible up until around May 2017 I was mad timid to speak up but once the shit happened it just did .

(I was drugged and raped by someone who knew me and was invited over and nah he wasn’t white he was in our diaspora. Despite being on video drugging me ,admitting I wasn’t conscious during his acts and all this other sick shit that is in the video posted as well as the slowed down version...Santa Barbara did not TOUCH THIS SICK FUCK . Specifically he lived on the same street as the foot patrol and they never even went to question him . Never went over evidence so never caught the drugging I had to analyze my own evidence see my drugging send it in turn in all physical evidence myself because she never went to the crime scene and some more dumb shot . He’s on surveillance pushing me into my house because I can’t move and he’s also on surveillance attempting to touch me and I fight back . He admits I bit him in resistance and bleh I’m getting trigger ...well look they had all of this PLUS WAY MORE evidence and nothing 🤷🏿‍♀️ .. the gag is until I had a sit in months after my rape we FINALLY got a sexual assault detective on Isla Vista ..THIS MEANS WE NEVER HAD ONE THEREFORE THE PERSON WHO WAS ON MY CASE WAS NOT A DETECTIVE TRAINED IN SEXUAL ASSAULTS. That’s why he did shit ass backwards and didn’t get evidence or blah blah . He did a pretext for a confession and still didn’t make an arrest or attempt to question this rapist . So I had to go public . 😒

The system did me even grimier and in addition so did the African men I spent a lot of my time around before this incident who just happened to be the idiot rapists housemates . The story is actually pretty sick.

Like niggas was like” we weren’t really friends like that “ “you just met is” and some more shit ,but drove or rode in my car got they hair done by me niggas cooked together went wherever niggas dead ass all ran together the only difference was I’m a female and I was the one who was drugged and raped . Lol I knew that house a good 5 months . And when you serving 4 years in college that’s a long time especially when y’all all seeing one another tops 5 days a week . But it’s cool lol I swear that shit happened and fucked my mind up for a while . Until I got over the fact that Im a protector , I’m used to protecting people . Even after being raped I tried to protect this individual from the system but seeing myself be drugged in my house as someone sickly plots and has all the sickest reasons as to why ..

I had Inglewood out there and we ain’t lay a finger on ANYONE and EVERYONE WAS HOME and available but I wasn’t trying to see anything happen .protector ...some call it dumb ... but honestly any reaction that would’ve deviated from what I did up to now would chance my current circumstance ...and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fine RN. 🤷🏿‍♀️ ptsd depression here and there but honestly IVE BEEN KICKINGASS , saving and changing lives as well as I don’t have any fuck people around me . It’s so easy for me to cut people off now and keep people I feel ANY KINDOF way about away from me ...and I’m more open basically I PROTECT ME MORE AND ...that’s what’s great for me ...so I needed it all to get where I am so eh.

A: I don’t forgive or have any care for the person who drugged and raped me . That’s the only place I didn’t grow . People say I should work on that ...I literally have dreams of killing him though so eh🤷🏿‍♀️ it’s the whole premeditated buying a drug putting it in a drink and handing it to me at the specific time I was distracted and the entire plot really . Walking me in public drugged to make you seem like a saviors and saying you noticed it hit 😒 staying after raping me , like moving my body from a living room to my room like dragging me or whatever the fuck you dieting afterward and only moving after I post the video publicly like you really wanted to live your life regular as a rapist after attempting to ruin mine . In all honesty as you said your first thought was you thought the drug was going to alter my feeling for you and make me like you ..it only knocked me unconscious and inhabited my brain from having any memory and you stilllllll decided to be sick . .

-the best thing for me is I have no memory of being raped , I don’t even have a memory of me leaving the house only waking up and asking all the questions I had getting the answers I needed and reporting so that’s why I’m so open about it ....it hits a sensitive spot as far as anger and disgust but I would literally be dead if I was conscious or aware of the encounter .

Alll of that I added in the end it was the vent I guess .)

and yeah . Whatever so socially I’m tryna educate Africans not to feel obligated to be a savior but to look out when shit like this happens. Because not reacting not doing anything and really any thing else

I never asked anyone to pick sides , never asked anyone for help. But acting like you ain’t know someone you seen on a daily and being fearful or whatever it’s not and never was that deep. I don’t see how anyone has a mother and can let or be aiight with shit like this happeneing and not be proactive .

But I’m alive you’ll see from my blog that worse shit has happened since then and even before . so I focus my pain elsewhere and my energy into activism and advocacy. Shit no one handed to me when I needed t most ✊🏿☝🏿

http://endrapeoncampus.org/centering-the-margins

Here’s my story

http://www.theburningspear.com/2017/12/RoShawndra-VS-the-University-of-California-Santa-Barbara

It’s also more stories about whatever white people wanna say about me in Santa Barbara newspapers and my case and what I’m doing , but this is the one I approve of because it was written in the Burning spear and this is such a monumental and important news paper in our community so yeah.✊🏿❤️ I really love US.

Periodically I post videos call campaigns calls to join political organizations (that are grassroot orgs and funded by our people) and yeah that’s basically my public professional appeal. I use a lot of profanity idk why but yeah I curse like a sailor I was introduced to grown folk conversations at a young age cursing was apart of my male dominated upbringing so 🤷🏿‍♀️ shiiiit I just curse a lot from time to time .

I’m a member of the African National Women’s org. Or ANWO and we’re an organization that was created by request less than half a decade ago to bring African women into the political atmosphere. Our one goal is FREEDOM . UHURU to any comrades or future comrades reading this , I hope in your daily struggles you see the symptoms of colonialism and mobilize to dismantle this colonial system .

I have NOT AND DONT PLAN on watching black panther . It’s not apart of my agenda rn but If my job requires me to take my residents to the movies it’ll probably happen ...I’ll get to the job stuff later. . Basically from my current understanding the villain in the film had “political views” similar to Malcolm or Huey or Marcus Garvey and it should be known by us ALL THAT THESE MEN WERE ONLY AEEN AS VILLIANS HISTORICALLY BY WHITE SUPREMACIST AND COLONIZERS AS WELL AS THOSE COLONIZED PEOPLE WHO REFUSED TO RESIST ...so I’m not spending a dry penny or sitting in a theatre to watch some bull shit . Wakanda must fall dear . THERE is no freedom in a colonial system and we can’t move with our colonizers PERIOD. We have been tricked throughout history into being complacent and waiting on an European created GOD to come save us and give us our Paradise in death. Therefore we accept what we shouldn’t and given I’m not about to be apart of that complacent movement ...(ps I’m a religious studies major) I decide I’m going to struggle and win. Period ✊🏿

https://youtu.be/LIQioGRD1Sw

White folks need to pay reparations so yeah share this link also if you don’t mind

https://www.uhurusolidarity.org/

White solidarity with black power 💕

Some talks/events I’ve participated in or held

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPFDFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MWRqeFhkZ2RiUEx4WpjQiVNCw8SGGbKJP7IkRiwM1SuoQnT-Oar94sFnraqo

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPjzFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MVJER2xuVkVhbWd4TBAgTafg3086N-ST4efXtgBbzFU6VOSI9yuHJ4V1dmE8

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPzTFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MW5BS0VXblZNUmxKTClihPl8eVewKBG7TwSC2FcIZkc0BiJcYgkAkLrQX_7Z

[existentialstatesofmind]

Cohabitation

“Some legacy. Living off of the heartache and misery of others. You’re just trying to soothe your conscious if you have one. But the truth is the casino’s goal is to make as much money as possible. That includes serving liquor and gambling. Maybe you set limits on how many drinks you serve customers but there are no other limits. Logically it’s my dad’s fault he doesn’t know when to stop and has gambled away almost everything he owns. However, Dad’s become a town joke. He’s the drunk old man they can take advantage of and laugh at. There’s nothing he wouldn’t give away including me, his own daughter.” Clare rolled her eyes obviously not believing Eli about why he gave her the jewelry. “Dad didn’t fill me in on the details of your deal. He told me to forget my old life. He neglected to mention I could keep going to college. My parents never thought much of my dream of becoming a writer. Before Dad lost the law firm, they wanted me to follow in his footsteps. I’d rather forge my own path so I found a way to make a career out of what I love. I didn’t officially withdraw. I already took spring finals before I came here. I just didn’t register for next semester. Now that I know what’s going on…” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged. “There’s probably still time to sign up for summer classes and if not, I’ll go back in the fall. I’ve been taking classes both online and in person. Of course I couldn’t tell Ben what’s going on so even though I’m not happy about ending my relationship, it’s okay. I’m not going to contact him. The thing is, I don’t understand how Lucas is involved.” Clare only knows Lucas as a friend of her father’s. For years he has hung around their apartment playing card games with Randall and watching hockey. Other men came over too. Clare was expected to feed the unruly ‘guests’ and get them beer after beer. She thought of Lucas as an enabler. A bad man but not a danger to her. She would’ve willing went with him if Dad asked her to. At least Lucas wasn’t a stranger like Eli. Clare kept reading the book until Eli played the first message. Her eyes didn’t leave the page she was on but she stopped turning the pages, a clear indicator that she had stopped. Lucas’ voice came across harsher than she was used to. In person anyway. THIS was the man who left threatening messages for Randall. The one who Randall owed a sizeable debt to not Eli. On one hand, she should’ve known. Clare had been to Lucas’ casino a few times (with Ben) to drag her dad home. That’s where he spent most of his time. Lucas egged Randall on encouraging him to place bets no matter what state he was in. On the other hand, how could she have known? Dad promised her to Lucas and then tried to go back on his word? Clare’s horror grew as she heard why Dad changed his mind…Lucas knew better! She didn’t do that. At all. She wasn’t…a whore. She’d never cooperate with Lucas’ plan. Clare listened to the next message, her eyes filling up with tears when Lucas threatened to kill her dad. That’s why she’d come here. So Dad would be safe. Why Dad thought she’d be any safer with the ‘devil they didn’t know’ was beyond her. Lucas was still coming after both of them! And Eli could do anything to her! “What is all this?” Clare asked Eli when the message stopped. “Lucas wants me so he can pimp me out? But he’s willing to settle for selling me to the highest bidder…you? Dad talked you into pretending to buy me?” She guessed her voice growing shriller. She was on the verge of having a heart attack or at the very least a panic attack. “Wait. The FBI is involved? Is that why you can’t just give Lucas the money so he’ll go away? Or do you think he still won’t give up…until he has me. I don’t get it. I can’t be that valuable. I’m not going to do what he expects…how can he expect that?! He’s a monster.” Clare seethed. “Are you kidding, I need the knife now more than ever! I may have to stab a rapist. If, if those messages are real. You didn’t order one of your men to make the messages to trick me?” She looked at Eli. “Dad never mentioned leaving the country. Do you think he left..without me…is he safe? I’m okay with it if he’s safe but where would he go? He has no money, no one to help, how can I send money to him if he’s in hiding?”

Normally Eli would’ve ignored comments about the casino, but he took out his wallet and showed her a picture of him, a girl, a woman, and a male. “The girl next to me was my girlfriend. The man and woman, her parents. Being Native American here is the same as in America the only legal job they could hold was running the casino so it wasn’t like they had a choice. No one wants a Native American Indian working for them and they couldn’t open medicine stores because of the laws. The casino is the only thing they left behind. One night while everyone on the reservation was sleeping, a racist poured gasoline over the entire place killing everyone. The casino is the only memory I have left of my girlfriend and her parents. Sorry if you don’t like it, but I‘m not destroying the only thing I have left of them. Imagine if your boyfriend’s parents owned a casino and you spent just about every day in there with him, doing homework, learning math from the games, building up years of memories and the next day he and his parents are taken away from you just like that and you never get to see him again, would you destroy the only thing that holds the memories of him? Or would you keep it open to keep the memories alive?” he asked curiously. Eli listened to everything Clare had to say and listened to all her questions after the messages stopped. “No, I didn’t buy you nor will I. Lucas won’t sell you to me even if I offered him money because he knows me. I bought girls off him before, most were beaten and bruised so I simply took care of them to gain their trust, fed them, bought them new clothes and when they finally talked, I was able to learn where they came from and about their family.” he explained. “Your dad and I have talked off and on, he’s often invited me to his house to gamble, but I don’t gamble so I never went. Plus Lucas and I don’t always see eye to eye. I’d get your dad to stop betting and walk away, Lucas would yell at me and we’d end up fighting which your dad hated so he’d play another game to humor Lucas and I’d leave. I couldn’t allow myself to watch your dad throw his life away and he wouldn’t allow me to help him. When he came to me explaining how he lost you in a bet, I figured that I’d take you in and he’d get help or at least stay away from Lucas.” he explained and laughed when Clare mentioned not being that valuable. “But you are, you’re catholic and a virgin. Virgins in sex trafficking get sold for millions, add Christian to that and your price goes up, on top of that and I don’t mean to offend you, but you have big breasts and you’re gorgeous. In the sex trafficking world, you’re like a unicorn and everyone wants one. If Lucas would hold an auction bidding you off, guys would fight to the death to take your virginity if Lucas told them to. And it wouldn’t matter if you were into sex or not because they wouldn’t care, they’d own you and would tie you up if they had to. You wouldn’t see the light of day.” he explained just as his phone started to ring and he put it on speaker. “Hello?” he asked. “Eli, this is Randall Edwards. Please tell me you still have Clare.” he said. “She’s here and doing fine. I like how you forgot to tell her she can continue college also she thinks Lucas is a friend because you didn’t tell her you lost her in a bet.” he explained. “Tell her that Lucas isn’t a friend, that he’s going to rape her if she runs away from you and your men, then possibly kill her.“ Randall said to Eli. "Wait, kill? You never said he wanted to kill her before.” Eli exclaimed. “I know my little girl and she’d fight back if guys would try to rape her, I had a friend go to Lucas’s basement with a hidden camera and he was burning corpses. Women that fought back got killed in the process. The friend told him he’d end up killing Clare in the process and he said it wouldn’t matter because he’d have sex with her either way.” Randall explained and Eli quickly held his hand up to Clare to tell her to stay quiet. “You should stay out of his club before you bet your other daughter and ex wife. Let this be a lesson to how you’ve hurt Clare. I’ll protect her just like I promised you, but I can no longer keep the promise to keep her in the country. You lost Clare to Lucas as a bet, you and I both know he keeps an ace hidden up his sleeve. I get that I’ve known you since I was 18 and that I’m trying to end Lucas’s sex trafficking, but you’re not helping. Talking to him about Clare or having a friend mention her just makes him think he’s winning and that’s why he’s getting like this. You forget, I grew up with the guy until he went missing and they turned him into this. He wouldn’t touch me because I’m close to his parents and he still thinks of me as family even though I think he’s psycho, but he will go to the point to where he will covet Clare so much he’ll kill her so no one else can have her. He’s done that before, he killed his first wife because she wanted a divorce and if he calls me up saying he’s going to kill Clare so no one else can have her is the day we disappear. The only thing you’ll get is a goodbye letter from her in the mail and that’s only if she chooses to send it. If you keep making this worse for her, your daughter vanishes from your life too. Also Lucas already wants you dead, you’re helping him by dangling yourself in front of him. I’m not giving you any more money than I already have. You’ve had plenty of chances to leave the country. I also heard you made 2.3 million in one night to actually save Clare from all this. It was the one time Lucas actually allowed me to have some say in his life. Who do you think was behind him giving you 24 hours to gain the cash you needed in exchange that he wouldn’t touch Clare? You’ve had ample times to make this better, fuck just you doing what you normally did would’ve worked. Now you went and pissed him off. You need to understand that if Lucas threatens to off my guys, Clare and I need to leave the country because neither of us will be happy here.” Eli ranted. “You can’t keep me away from my little girl, please Eli. I didn’t tell her I lost her in a bet, but she understands my addiction.” Randall sobbed letting him know he gambled the money that was supposed to grant Clare her freedom again. “Your addiction is going to get both of you killed. I’ll keep both of us here until Lucas gets more hostile, but dangling Clare over his head is like dangling a million dollars over your head. The more someone tells you they owe you a million dollars, the more you want it. Clare is an object to him and you’re only fueling his fire. I gave you my word that I’d protect Clare just like I would any other girl I saved from Lucas and I’m a man of my word. Also you’re on speaker. Clare, do you have anything you want to tell your dad?”