#never fought a day in my life
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Malcolm Tucker + Mood Face THE THICK OF IT | S03
#my knight in tailored armor#this man a walking embodiment of fear looks at you as if he already owns your soul#a single glance from him is enough to dismantle a psyche entirely#but beneath that intimidating exterior lies something more—a carefully crafted mask of rage he’s forced to wear#within him resides a hidden kindness one he guards fiercely as if it were a weakness the world should never witness#his anger is a shield; his softness a secret#his life is a battles fought in the very heart of endless trials#each day shaping the man who hides his beautiful soul behind a fearsome facade#peter capaldi#malcolm tucker#the thick of it
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I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and. I just feel like crying over that fact. a few years ago I was sure I’d be an anxious miserable wreck for my entire life but now I wake up and I love the world and I promise one day you will too. please keep going please hold the world tight. you will giggle at something silly with a stranger. a staff member at a place you frequent will smile when they see you. an elderly person will look at you gratefully for helping them. you’ll cry about stupid stuff and laugh about it later. you’ll drink cold water during a hot day and it will be the best sensation ever. being alive is the best thing I’ve ever experienced.
#WWWAAUUUGGHGH#IM VERY EMOTIONAL. I love living I love the earth I love my friends so much#it was. so bad a few years ago#panic attacks every other day. miserable most of the time. unhealthy habits. every day felt like a bad day#but then I managed to get out of an awful situation. and I made an effort to try and love the place I live now as WELL as being homesick *#* for my home country. and I fought to notice the little things. and I went outside even when I haaated the idea of it#and now???? I’m still disabled. I still have anxiety. I’m not yet back in my home country#but my god I’m so happy in life. it does get better. everyone was right#even though I experience severe chronic pain on the daily. even though I live somewhere noisy and hot and crowded.#life is silly that way :3 I promise it gets better. it’s so cliche and it never sounds true but it is. it is#hopepunk
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im trying out this thing with my art where i give less of a shit
#artsy whispers#velika flint#fought for my gogddamn life to get 'death to the machines' barely visible somewhere on that bg#BUT YKNOW thats what i get for never planning my BGs in advance :') one of these days#oc art#dieselpunk
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Pennsylvania, I am super disappointed in you and disgusted by you. If this moldy peach wins that's it. I'm fucking leaving. My life is already a dumpster fire but I'd rather drown myself in a tub than live through another 4 years with that rapist as president
#us politics#us presidential election#election 2024#pennsylvania#swing states#hopefully it's not definitive just yet#but seriously I'm struggling to wrap my head around it#HOW ARE YOU ALL FORGETTING THIS#how tf does a convict who incited the jan 6 attack on the capitol get to run for president again#when convicts can't even VOTE in this country#explain to me right now#and caused the HIGHEST DEATH AND INFECTION CASES IN A FIRST WORLD COUNTRY#HE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR OVERTURNING ROE V WADE AND OBSTRUCTING ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED IT#HE HASN'T WORKED A DAMN DAY IN HIS LIFE TO GET WHERE HE IS. HE'S NEVER HAD TO LIVE PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK.#HE NEVER HAD TO GO DAYS WITHOUT MEALS. HE NEVER HAD TO LIVE IN A HOME INFESTED WITH MICE AND HORNETS.#HE'S NEVER HAD TO WORK 3 JOBS JUST TO STAY AFLOAT#HE'S NEVER FOUGHT FOR US ONLY HIMSELF#FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU#TRUMP SUPPORTERS DON'T EVEN FUCKING TOUCH THIS POST I WILL SMITE YOU#he was impeached not once but TWICE
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torn between vaggie who was born and died a winner and vaggie who was heaven born
#hazbin hotel fanart#vaggie#hazbin hotel vaggie#THERES SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR BOTHH AGHHHH#I LOVE THR IDEA VAGGIE WAS BORN A HUMAN FOUGHT FOR A BETTER LIFE AND RAISED HER HYPOTHETICAL LITTLE BROTHER#ABD THEN ASCENDING TO HEAVEN A WINNER FOR SACRIFICING HER LIFE (YES SHE ALWAYS HAD A SAVIORS COMPLEX) TO MAKE SURE HER BROTHER HAD A GOOD L#GOOD LIFE#GAWRSH#BUT I ALSO REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF HER HATCHING OUT OF AN EGG#AN EGG#also idk what teens wear these days#i just drew her wearing whatever i saw my sister wearing last#i have also never seen a baby before in my life clearly#nor jave i seen a child as you can tell by how i drew her brother#i need to give this little guy a name i doodle him with human vaggie a lot#Zenta doobles
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favourite stupid relationship dynamic: idiots who would immediately protect and defend the other but never themself
#still thinking about how lxl just takes whatever life throws at them without fighting back (esp in the lxl movie)#so it was up to the other (mainly yujiro) to do the protecting (of aizo) since he was clearly not going to do anything about it#poor yujiro never fought back against the longleg/shortleg until aizo was brought up… no sense of self-preservation with that one#‘you can mess with me but not my bf!!!!!’ kind of energy#ig aizo did kind of defend yujiro in the [redacted] anime ep 4 nonsense and pointless scandal scene but that’s about it…#give aizo more chances to play the hero for his cute bf!!!!! the princess carry wasn’t enough!!!!#though. ngl it’s kinda funny how aizo’s always portrayed as the husband and yujiro the wife in their r/s (see: meoto)#but yujiro is always the one fighting for aizo’s honour. l&k novel (i think; still havent read it). lxl movie. chizu hallway scene (kind of)#and even in honeypre he got aizo the werewolf costume (instead of the pumpkin). he was the one who gave aizo a gift on white day (like a bf)#he even turned aizo into a worried wife when he (the bumbling husband) wandered out till late in kyoto to look for a *phone strap*#hm. well. im not sure what the point im trying to make is other than the fact that lxl are idiots for each other ig#they may be really really stupid but they love(?) and support each other (in a sense)… two menaces in a pod.#they should just get married (again)#though speaking of lxl marriage remember when that music magazine spread misinfo about how meoto was set in the sengoku era#and everyone believed it? the mv sure shocked everyone in more ways than one lmaooooooo#lxl twt was on fire that day. ‘horns??? a fantasy setting????? what happened to the sengoku era?????’ it was so funny you h a d to be there#but. hm. we’ve had quite a lxl content drought… disregarding the [redacted] mv they havent been seen in 4 months#throwing out a guess that they’ll get a new song for a winter comiket cd or sth. idk#sure hope that lxl do not get a new song or mv before kimikawaii release though bc that’d be unfairrrrrrrrr
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Anyway this is what I mean by I want to see Adam and Jesus talk
#graphic design is my passion#listen while I'm super excited to hopefully maybe see angels & demons in the GO universe actually form an identity that isn't just not#their adversary and start taking actions based on something other than a game of spiritual Telephone#the symmetry of human raised Antichrist averting the first Apocalypse with humans and the Human raised (and killed sure) son of God (possib#le part of the Trinity?) help avert the second one#I mean I'm curious how we're gonna get all of them vs all of us with Jesus so. 🤷♂️#anyway. I literally could not sleep without expelling this awful thing#I have leave in in my hair bc I left my shower to let it sit when I realized I was not gonna stop itching to do this nonsense#do not @ me#I only use MS paint and meme generator and I did my best#cmo's log#I guess#also I fought for my life to get transparent Jesus and I am could not get the freeform crop on paint to work not to mention my hands are#so unsteady they evoke the concern of strangers#I might regret this in the morning#and by mornign I mean presumably like 3p tomorrow when I wake up#I untagged this bc it should never see the light of day#ok actually just execute me#good omens
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#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—”#and i kinda snapped#and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life#this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run#she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience#and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way#and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me#and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree#and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide#if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here#i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department#i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress#i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms#two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues#she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field#no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past#its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect#and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for#how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn#i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is#she meant well#the pianist i mean#and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood#no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what#maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in#dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion#i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment#its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval#of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself#so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.
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Man. Leaving a toxic relationship is just an exercise in learning how to live in your own head again.
#lot going on in here folks :'(#but also :')#for a few weeks i couldnt be alone couldnt be in silence couldnt just. think.#im loving myself again. im laughing and connecting and god im so excited for what comes next#june 19th lana..... you are my soulmate my rock my queen you are everything to me#bc june 19th lana had the strength to leave#june 19th lana swept me off my fucking feet and she fought and yelled and stayed up for 4 days straight#so that 4 days later i could be free again <3#i will work so fucking hard for june 19th lana.... i never want her to have any regrets... any whatifs....#im going to give june 19th lana the life she hopes shes fighting for#those four days were torture... moving... yelling... crying crying crying... more moving... driving...#she did that... for me....#literally she talked to me often... she would sit amongst the boxes and fear and heartbreak and shed talk to her future self#which ig is me <3 and shed tell me how she loved me and how i better not screw this up and she begged me to love her again#god i love her again. i love that mess of a girl. beautiful and strong and terrible! and she got out despite the torture.#june 19th lana. also june 20th 21st and 22nd lana. i hear you. you will have such a beautiful wonderful life i swear#one you will never ever second guess#he fucking killed us! he killed you! the connection the devotion the love it masked the insidious truth that you had to die for that shit#the life he could give you...its pathetic compared to what im gonna give you.#and unlike every promise he ever made... i never go back on my word :)#ok bye
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One thing I will always appreciate about my mom is that she never judged me for my hyperfixations through the years. She gave me room to love whatever I wanted to. She never made fun and she never thought I was weird. She always supported me and, in fact, she even enjoyed them with me.
She'd watch One Direction music videos with me when I was a teenager. She even took me to see the 1D movie in theaters on a school day and she saved her movie ticket. I hate that I wasn't able to find it when we cleaned out her apartment. I remember her crying at the party where Zayn bought his mom a house. To this day she would listen to History. She sent me a link to the mv in August and reminisced on the days when life was easier.
In my later teenage to young adult years she would watch kpop videos with me. We would watch BTS and Astro videos in her room. I remember after Jonghyun passed away I watched Before Our Spring for the first time with her because I was too sad to watch in on my own. She ended up really liking BTS and she'd call me into her room whenever they were on TV. I have videos of her in my phone dancing to Move by Taemin.
We'd even watch anime together. We watched about 7 or 8 episodes of Death Parade and she really liked it. I didn't think she really cared all that much but every now and again she would bring the show up and tell me how much she like it. I hate that we were never able to finish all 12 episodes.
I always thought she'd pretend to be interested in my hobbies to humor me. Whenever I would go to her room and pull up kpop on the TV or watch Sohyang performances with her I would apologize and tell her "I know you don't really care, we don't have to watch if you don't want to." And she would always tell me to stop saying stuff like that. She was so happy to just hang out with me. She was interested in the things I like because I liked them and they made me happy. My brother would make little jokes about my interests from the time I was like 9 years old and obsessed with Justin Bieber. I know they were just jokes but, being a little black kid, I always felt weird about the media I consumed. My mom never made me feel like I was doing anything wrong by liking what I liked. I was able to explore all kinds of stuff and I'm so grateful to her.
#i miss her so much it feels like theres somwthing weighing on my chest#im miserable without her. shes just constantly on my mind all day everyday#she left such a gaping hole in my life. i dont know how im supposed to exist without her#i know that someday it wont hurt as much and ill have more good days than bad#and in a strange way i dont want those days to come. i cant imagine a time where i wake up and she isnt the first thing on my mind#or the last thing on my mind when i go to sleep#she was only 53 and she was so lively. she lived with stage 4 cancer for more than 5 years. she fought so hard#every doctors appointment every failed treatment every cat scan every blown vein every round of chemo over 200 lbs lost#she thought the world of me. she was so proud of me and i can never understand why#i didnt graduate i never went to college i dont work i dont leave my house i lie in bed all day and let my anxiety totally consume me#i dont know what she had to be proud of. but someday i want to be that person she was so proud of.
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sometimes i realise wow it is really weird to doubt whether im really mentally ill or not because both my parents have gone through depression and are possibly still going through it right now
#i kinda love and hate how my dad is getting all healed and better after fucking up my whole last 10 years 😭#he hasn't been working for the past 10 years since i was 10 he just sat at home watched tv slept ate#and gave lots of horrifying memories ofc#bc something happened in 2013 something related to business and chachu and dada and property drama#so his business shut down#and now i can see him get better more focused so driven he's working really fucking hard and i feel a little proud#but i hate that it took him so fucking long 😭#if only he had done this sooner sab theek hota i would've had a normal growing up parents prolly#wouldn't have fought so much not like they have or do anyway cause they didn't when he was working#mom used to say every year when something very bad happened that#on diwali esp that next year he'll do something have work get out of the house#i spent all my teens waiting for it hoping for it#it's so fucking late now it doesn't really matter if he's there or not the sickness is inside me it's there even when he's not physically#present and ive not talked to him in 15 days#it'll never go away#i just want to. go home#everytime i adjust to being with him start enjoying it he leaves abruptly making me feel alone abandoned#then i setlle in without him try to be happy make my own life he comes again#i know it'll get better as i grow up but i feel like i don't have it in me to wait out 2 full years plus more if i fail for that#i mean obviously there's no choice jeena hi padega rehna hi padega padhna hi padega. but main thak gayi
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yall when Minish cap released i was a toddler. Now im waiting for more than a decade for Vaati to show up again. The few first-day fans who still stick around are waiting for 20 years now.
MC is basically a historical game. Tbh when I started obsessing I already called it retro bc of the pixels. My first Nintendo games were Nintendogs and Animal Crossing Wild World and everything in pixel style was retro to my kid brain already.
i never owned a Game Boy. Everything before Nintendo DS is museum-worthy to me. I downloaded an emulator in 2019.
If you're catching yourself thinking "that piece of media can't possibly be old enough to [X]", remember the 5/10/20 rule:
If it's five years old, it's old enough to have been a formative influence for up-and-coming artists; this is when all the people who had their brains fucked by it as teenagers start hitting their 20s
If it's ten years old, it's old enough to have crossed the irony threshold; if it's the sort of media that's amenable to deconstructions (or "deconstructions"), expect them here
If it's twenty years old, it's old enough for the first wave of nostalgic revivals, often as a delayed reaction against the above-cited deconstructions; otherwise known as the "retro" event horizon
Yes, this does mean that, for example, Gamecube launch titles are retro now. That is how time works.
#My dark secret is that ive never beaten mc to this day#I attempted once but my file was lost before the wind temple#Then i became sad and idk why i never attempted again#Yes ive never fought vaati in my life and thats rly the darkest secret of mine fjjffjfjfjjf#Fighting him for the first time will be weiirddddd xD#If i wasnt so keen on internet privacy id set up a livestream thingy somewhere#“Watch the local Vaati freak beat MC for the first time in her life” lollll
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hmmm
#i randomly logged in#hello#i was going through my old tumblr and man was i annoying#i knew i was weird and my bf told me i was weird too but damn i didnt realize i was that obnoxious. quite a character#anyway i dont think ive changed much but my life did#im graduating grad school in aug#which im proud of <3 and this friday is my one year anniversary with my bf i cant believe its been one year... i feel like its fake because#it was like weve been together since the first day i met him. words cant describe how much he means to me... my life feels complete with hi#the void and loneliness i felt my whole life disappeared when i met him#i never talked to anyone about my relationship and how much i fought for it but lets just say it felt like everyone was against me#i had to make the choice of do i want him or do i want my old life? i picked him#im a better person because of him i feel so grounded in life#its just so crazy to have a partner like this mf would do anything for me just because im ME. its healed so many of my insecurities#i wish my younger self wasnt so hard on herself... little did you know youd meet this man who would do anything to be with u...#thats all... i feel bad i lost friends and my focuses changed but i wouldnt change anything#im just happy i have someone by my side#anyway i wish all my internet friends a happy life!!!!#im turning 26 this year which is a bit scary but i know ill be okay! 26 wow....
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I have such a karma with the local train line I swear.
Random ass boring story of the day
Ok,so by a conjunction of circumstances absolutely not under my control I learnt that I had to go to my parents today which fucked up all of my plan. Luckily I finished work earlier but I had 100 things to do, and basically I forgot some but it's not the story I will tell now.
Anyway I've been running since 2pm and I finally get on the bus to the train station at like 6:10pm. Now little background, the station is in Bordeaux aka France's city with the second biggest traffic jam (yes we managed to outdo Marseille and Lyon don't even ask), so with that in mind, living outside the city and having to cross the middle of it I was like "except for miracle I won't have the 7 train" and I didn't buy any tickets.
BUT since September my bus line has now its own road for like most of the line. And that thing is changing lives, you literally take 30 minutes for something that was previously taking 1 hour. It was a really pleasant moment to overtake all these stupid ass cars. So when there was two stops before the train station and 20 minutes left and it was 6:40 I'm like I can take the 7:08 train ticket, this won't take 20 minutes.
And the second I confirm payment I'm not kidding, the bus instantly stopped. Little did I forgot the last axis don't have a line for the bus, but also the closer you get to the train station, the more you encounter all the worst stupid pricks on the road. The concentration of cars, pedestrians and cyclists suddenly having no respect for traffic rules near the station needs to be studied. The bus almost run over a stupid ass blonde cyclist (it's always the cyclists causing the most problems) who thought crossing over a two ways busy road without looking left and right was a good idea. Anyway she's fine but I hope she will learn her lesson (but cyclists never do they are the biggest pain in the ass for everyone).
Finally the bus stop, I go out running, but I'm a very bad runner and I was stressing so basically I was out of breath with like a 200 bpm lmao. I arrived at the train platform I see the door of the train closing, I scream, I slammed the button and for once the stopped I FINALLY I'M IN MY TRAIN
Ended up out of breath, shaking, fighting for my life. Plus apparently when you do that on train doors they apparently put themselves into security mode, so today I was the one responsible for the train two minutes delay, and two more people got on it thanks to me.
Anyway, for once I would like to take a regional train without going through the five stages of grief 🤷
These stupid ass trains get delayed every single time except for when I'm late, it's crazy lmao
#this shit never happen with long ride trains#because if i miss it i can't take the next one so I'm on time sndnjsje#and to say for once my parents were supposed to pick me tomorrow cause we were supposed to go in the médoc and I'm near the direct road#but my mom say my grandfather o saw years ago at my grandmother funeral finally changed his mind and don't want to see us tomorrow#nice#especially to my mom#it's not the side of the family I'm close with you can see why#but my mom send me a text to tell me they transformed the day to a ride to Ouradour sur Glane which is on the opposite way#plus at first the name didn't ring any bell so i was like where tf is that#but then it clicked#it's a village sadly famous because during occupation the nazis burned the whole village people in the church#so yeah#i fought for my life#to go to see a depressing memorial of history on Toussaint day#🤷#i really can't wait to ask my mom why tf she decided to go there tomorrow#instead of like going to Andernos or something#my colleagues joked that I'm gonna learn some family secrets#please no 🙃#anyway if you want some random insignificant daily moment being turned into a big ass adventure#come to me#that's what's fun with me#life so boring everything's turn into an extraordinary event#misc#(i do think the cashier who complimented my hair blessed me to catch my train lmao)
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It's my wife. I love my wife, and I was already willing to fight god for my wife anyway.
You and the characters in your lockscreen wallpaper fight god.
#i love my wife <3#They are my sun and moon#I've never fought a day in my life but I'd fight god for my wife
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Fuck that stupid blonde cunt and that little red girl too
#kingdom hearts#wtf do you mean I fought him 3 times#only to give up and feel like boo-boo the fool#and then feel even dumber when I find out that asshole isn’t meant to be beaten#I want him sent to the shadow realms immediately#riku count your days#he got me#damn L#I’ve never been so humiliated in my life
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