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queenoftodd · 4 years ago

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Dinner & Its Capitalist Agenda (Jason Todd x Female!Reader)

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Summary: Reader is dating Jason and accidentally wears vibrating panties to the first dinner with the Batfamily.

Pairing: Jason Todd x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3,278

Warning(s): Smut (fingering, penetration), Swearing.

Note: The idea for this was inspired by the film “The Ugly Truth”. If you want to be added to a taglist feel free to message me.

This was not how this night was supposed to go. How would you ever overcome the undying humiliation of tonight? You had been so excited to try on the gift that Jason had gotten you, that you didn’t bother to ask why the new lingerie came with a remote, one that you tossed in your clutch to ask him about later. This was also partly due to you rushing out of the house to Jason’s car, because you were both very late. Add that to the list of poor first impressions that you would be making on his family.

The two of you had been dating for almost six months now, and while you had met Dick and Jason’s best friend, Roy, you still hadn’t met the rest of his family. There really wasn’t any reasoning behind this, you both had very busy lives. Both of you set on making the world a better place by exposing Gotham’s corruption. You were an up and coming journalist for The Gotham Times, while Jason was a--well he told you he was a military contractor for Wayne Enterprises, but you always do your own background checks. You sort of stopped digging after the news headlines saying that he was dead, if he wanted to tell you then he would tell you. Besides, you were too in love with him to care.

According to Dick and Roy, his family has been dying to meet you. You had to admit that you were nervous, but determined to make the best first impression that you could. You would be meeting Bruce fucking Wayne. Despite the assurances that Jason gave you that Bruce was a regular guy, you still could not contain your excitement. Both as a journalist, but also as a longtime resident of Gotham. Vicki Vale would have a field day with you. You had even begged Jason to help you pick out something to wear that would both suit his sexual fantasies, but be modest enough to meet his father, and Alfred Pennyworth. Caretaker and grandfather-adjacent.

Of course you had decided on a crimson cocktail dress. Just enough opening in the chest to give Jason the perfect eye-view of your cleavage, but not enough to make you feel uncomfortable to meet his family. Jason didn’t want to bombard you with all of his family just yet, especially considering that you didn’t know about his vigilantism. So he strictly requested that the guest list at tonight’s family dinner only be anyone legally adopted by Bruce Wayne (and Damian of course).

This came to the rundown of everyone that would be there tonight. That was expected to be there tonight, at least. Jason did warn you that their jobs tended to keep them very busy, and his family might be called away to handle their respective responsibilities. You understood this of course, you were very familiar with being on call. Especially in Gotham.

Dick Grayson was a former Detective in Bludhaven, and you had met him at least three times over the course of being with Jason. Tim Drake worked at Wayne Enterprises and did something corporate-wise that Jason didn’t care enough about to explain it to you. Damian Wayne was the only biological son of Bruce Wayne and was currently in his senior year of high school. Jason informed you that he could be a smart-ass and bluntly rude. The last one that would be attending was Cassandra Cain. Jason said that she didn’t talk very much as she was raised to be mute, and only spoke in small increments when comfortable.

Your mouth gaped at the sight in front of you. The grandiose gate before you held all the secrets of wealth within the “W” centered in it. You could feel his blue eyes on you, your face was a mixture of emotions. Nervous, excited, and--did your underwear just vibrate? You shake the thought away, blaming it on your nerves as you turn towards your boyfriend.

“You ready?” He asks, waving up to the security camera outside the gate as it opened. He glanced back at your soft face, unable to contain the smile he got from looking at you so in awe. You did not grow up like this, in fact your family had never had a house of their own. Seeing the mansion that the man you called your boyfriend had spent several years of his life baffled you. Of course you had seen pictures of Wayne Manor, but never did you think that you would be a guest. You reached for his hand, giving him an assuring squeeze as he continued down the driveway towards the manor.

When Jason pulled into the parking area in the front of the manor you could make out four shadowy figures standing by the curb. Your back instantly straightened when Jason came to a stop. “I told them to meet us inside.” He groaned, placing the car in park. You were thanking the heavens that the glass was tinted so that they couldn’t see into the car, because the butterflies were coming in swarms in the pit of your stomach now. Taking a deep breath, you turned towards Jason. A glare forming on your face when you notice his amused expression.

“Y/N, you look amazing, how are you?”

You opened your mouth to speak being interrupted by his lips on yours, silencing your thoughts. The feeling of his hand on your cheek as he pulled you closer. “Knock ‘em dead, beautiful.” His smirk sent a warm boost of motivation your way as he parted from you, and climbed out of the car.

After a few seconds of mental motivation, you followed suit, reaching for the car door handle when it opened for you. Jason standing at your door, outstretching his hand for you to take as you climbed out. You prayed that your smile wasn’t too awkward or seemed unhappy. Jason brought you over to meet the figures you noticed earlier. Dick was a familiar face, which eased you a bit as you pulled him into a small embrace.

“I’m great, it’s good to see you.” You beamed. You could already feel the eyeroll from Jason behind you. What could you say? You enjoyed any time you got to spend with Jason’s older brother. Next was Tim, who held a more shocked expression as he looked at you. Jason had to be the one to introduce him, as he was shaking your hand, but his mouth was hung open. “It’s nice to meet you, Tim. I’m Y/N.”

“You’re with him?” A laugh didn’t fail to escape your red lips as you dropped your handshake from Tim to press Jason back with your right hand, sending him a warning look before showing a gracious smile to Tim.

“For six months now, yes.” You giggle and immediately feel Jason soften at the sound of your laugh. Next their was Damian Wayne who glanced at you in a way that made you feel like you were under examination. “You must be Damian.”

One of his hands was cradling his chin as he took your hand, eyeing you quizzically before placing a kiss to your knuckles, your eyes widening. Now that was definitely unexpected. “Todd, I’m impressed. Now I’m done waiting here for you imbeciles, I’ll be inside. Y/N, pleasure.”

And with that he walked straight into the mansion without another word. Your eyebrows knitted together as you turned towards Jason, his mouth hung agape, along with the rest of his brothers. A tug on your arm made you realize you had almost forgotten someone. Cassandra. She was smiling at you, it was small, and seemingly shy, but excited? You extend your hand to her with a small smile and she takes it, her smile brightening.

“Hi Cassandra, my name is Y/N.” I gesture towards Jason. “I told Jay that you were the sibling I was most excited to meet.”

She shook her head pointing to herself and your eyebrows furrowed until she said. “Cass.” You nodded in understanding, repeating her nickname until she gestured to you. “Y/N. J-lover.”

You could see why everyone in this family was so charming and mannerful. The way he carried himself from the top of the stairs to meet you in the foyer echoed a confidence you could only dream of. You felt Jason’s hand squeeze yours and you mentally cursed at how clammy they had become. Bruce’s smile radiated the room, but you could tell by the way Jason tensed next to you that this was a rare occurrence. He had told you many stories of Bruce’s stoic--or in his terms, resting bitch face.

“Well...she’s not wrong.” You heard Jason mutter behind you, you smiled as she released your hand following Tim inside. That was when you playfully whacked his arm, before taking his head and walking up the steps to the manor’s entrance with Dick leading you two in. Upon entering the house, you entered the grand foyer. Greeted by a man whose face has graced many Gotham media covers and stations.

Bruce fucking Wayne.

“Y/N L/N.” Bruce grinned, extended his hand to shake yours and you met it with a firm grip. Tucking your clutch underneath your armpit. You swallowed your saliva as you shook his hand. Giving what Jason considered to be your breathtaking smile, beaming at Gotham’s wealthiest bachelor. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard great things.”

“Mr. Wayne, it’s lovely to meet you as well.”

A flex of your armpit sent a jolt up your cervix, catching you by surprise. This resulted in you jolting forward a bit, Bruce now shaking Jason’s hand, as they turned to you. You cleared your throat to throw attention off of the present fluctuation occurring by your pussy. What the literal fuck was going on? “Y/N/N, are you okay?” Jason asked and you nodded, already feeling your cheeks heat up. Running away to examine yourself before dinner was not a part of your goal to make a good first impression.

Removing the clutch from your armpit provided a relief from the sensual feeling emerging below. Bruce had excused himself to head to the dining room, when Alfred came to meet you both in the foyer, briefly as he was finishing up in the kitchen. He was excited to meet you, but he had to tend to something in the oven. This gave you a moment to turn to Jason.

“Are you feeling okay? You just jumped out of nowhere.” I nod assuring him, considering the feeling subsided, it shouldn’t be that big of deal to draw attention to.

“I’m fine, I think it was just the nerves.” You lie, wanting to find a better time to excuse yourself to the bathroom to sort whatever was going on with you, out. Unfortunately he can read you like an open book, but for the sake of tonight, he just pushed it aside to discuss later. You followed him to the dining room where everyone was already seated and you had gotten a seat between Tim and Jason. Dick was across from Tim, Cass was across from Tim, and Damian was across from Jason. Bruce sat at the head of the table between Damian and Jason and once Alfred brought the courses in, he was to sit at the other end near Damian and Tim.

“Oh Miss Y/N, let me grab your purse, I’ll put it by the coat rack for you.” You handed him the clutch with a small smile of gratitude as he left the room briefly before coming back to take his seat on the opposite end of Bruce. You thanked him as everyone was looking eagerly at Bruce. Judging by context clues, they were waiting for him to make the first move to eat. Once he began to cut into the steak dinner that Alfred had made, the knives and forks clattered around you to also begin their descent on their plates. You smiled lightly as you began to dig in yourself when a buzz whipped up your folds, making you tighten your grip on the fork and knife.

A gasp passed your lips as a pulsating throb began in your pussy. You could feel Jason’s eyes on you, growing concerned as he noticed you weren’t looking anywhere but at your plate. “So, Y/N.” You’re eyes fluttered to Bruce, hoping your breathing was normal as you shifted in your seat. “How did you two meet?”

You cleared your throat, focusing on the sentence. “Jason l-loves to tell this story, right Jay?” You practically moan, shoving several pieces of steak in your mouth to avoid speaking. “This is oh...s-so good..” Your boyfriend’s eyes widened at the sound of your moan. For some reason his girlfriend of six months was getting turned on at the dinner table in front of his siblings and he didn’t know what to do. Jason had to distract them, mentally cursing himself as he opened his mouth to speak.

“It’s not that exciting of a story. Dick, how’re things in Bludhaven?” This diverted the attention from you for a while while several whimpers fell from your lips as you squeezed your legs together. You couldn’t take this anymore. Jason placed his hand on your thigh leaning towards you.

“Why are you moaning?” That’s when it hit you. The lingerie, Jason had gotten you vibrating panties. Your eyes widened, gripping his arm tight as you couldn’t stop yourself from moaning into his ear, your breathing heavy.

“Fuck.” You moan holding tightly on his arm. His body shielding you from seeing Bruce or Damian. “Lingerie. I’m...s-so wet, Ja--ah!”

“What--you’re wearing them right now? Where’s the remote?” He whispered through gritted teeth. He was struggling to contain himself at the breathiness in your moans. Fuck, the remote, you gave your clutch to Alfred.

“Clutch.” You managed to get out, focusing on containing your breaths, your body felt so hot. There was no doubt that you were so close to your climax. Jason grabbed your wrist pulling you from the table, surprising everyone at the sudden action.

“We have to go. Thank you for dinner, Alfred.” He nodded towards the lovable butler. Then he nodded at everyone else, still shielding you from everyone. “Bruce, Dick, everyone, it’s good to see you.”

Without another explanation, despite numerous protests Jason rushed you to the exit near the coat rack where your clutch was, but it appeared to be open. Two feet away was Titus, Damian’s dog. He was chewing aggressively on the remote currently causing you to moan in pleasure. Your hand flying to your mouth as your knees grow weak. Jason steadied you by the door before wrestling the remote from Titus, who would’ve bit him if Jason didn’t move quickly. Jason shut the remote off, taking the batteries out for extra precaution as he handed you your clutch and rushed you out the door.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Jason put you in the car and he raced out of Wayne Manor, speeding down the street before pulling down a trail by the woods. Once he parked you turned to him in confusion before he pulled you into a kiss. It was heated and you could tell by his eagerness that he was just as horny. Considering that he cut your climax off before you could get there, so were you. You felt your dress skirt ride up as Jason pulled the troublesome panties down smirking against your lips at the feel of your soaked pussy.

Your breath hitched in your throat as he began to tease your clit, eliciting a louder moan. One you were grateful to let loose without worrying about his family. “Couldn’t let the panties have all the fun, now can we?” He huffed, moving his attention to your neck as he started on your neck. Sucking until his lips popped off your pulse, bound to leave a mark. He quickened his fingers pace, removing your panties completely as he inserted his ring and middle finger inside you. “Fuck me, Y/N/N. You’re so wet for me, huh?”

All you could do in response was whimper a small hum in agreement. Your vision was so blurred as his fingers fucked you deep in your soul. The car seat you were in flattened back, causing a laughter of surprise to fall from your lips as Jason climbed on top of you fully. You sat up to help unbuckle his suit. He had gotten all dressed up for you, a white button down tucked into some black dress pants and dress shoes that he had borrowed from Dick. His shirt was not buttoned all the way, exposing his chest.

“Y/N, fuck--you have no idea what you do to me.” And with that final thrust you climaxed, your eyes fluttering open as your body convulsed, releasing a warm euphoric feeling all over his cock, and the passenger seat of his car. You didn’t have a chance to catch your breath as Jason’s grip on your hips tightened and he continued to ram into you with this newfound stamina. His breath quickening and his moans of your name growing louder.

The belt was now somewhere else in his car, as he lowered his pants and boxers underneath you enough to ready himself at your entrance. You laid back down as he pumped himself, groaning as he was already so hard. It had taken you a few times to get used to Jason’s size, but now your pussy called itself the expert. You gasped, as he rubbed his cock up against your pussy, he smiled at the effect he had on you. How easy you unfolded beneath him.

You jolted back when Jason slammed into you, thrusting deep inside you. It didn’t take him long to find the right spot and stick to it. His grunts and moans harmonizing with your screams and gasps. “Fuck, Jay, oh--” Your vision began to blur as he picked up his speed, moving his hands down to your clit to rub it agonizingly slow. Thus increasing your pleasure.

You caressed his arm, looking up at him as you moaned breathily, “Come for me, Jason.” A look of relief flashes across his face as his own euphoria engulfs him. He pulls out of you, climbing over to the driver’s side partly to take a breath.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Y/N L/N.” He chuckled. “I can’t believe you wore those tonight.” You weakly smacked him on the arm as you pulled the car seat back into place.

“You bought me lingerie, you rarely buy me clothes--I got excited.” Your y/e/c eyes widened, looking at him, running your hands down your face. “Oh no! I totally ruined it tonight.”

He could tell you were upset, especially knowing how badly you wanted to make a good first impression. “No one noticed, I got you out before they did.”

“Are you sure?”

“I love you too, beautiful.”

“I’ll just tell them you were nauseous.” He shrugged, buttoning up his pants, gesturing for you to put your seatbelt on. “If they ask what happened.”

“I love you.” You say before leaning over the console to kiss him as he started the car again.

And Jason would tell you any lie you needed to hear in order to be able to meet face to face with his family again. Even if it meant making his siblings take a blood oath not to mention it. If they didn’t, there were always second impressions...right?

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bubblesuga · 4 years ago

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off the table.

Summary: Fate has an odd way of playing with your mind. When you leave Min Yoongi on his door step nearly a decade ago, you became positive that you would never find love again. Settling for a man you thought you could learn to love, you had given up on fully moving on. But again, fate likes to play.

W/C: 11,680

Genre: Idol!AU, smut, fluff

Warnings: cussing, smut, mentions of exhibitionism, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, Jimin is curious about Yoongi’s (non-existent) sex life,

A/N: Based loosely off of Off The Table by Ariana Grande if you want a song to listen to as you read :) x

“So, this is it then?”

“Yeah.”

The near migraine-inducing memory always happens to flash in your mind at the worst times possible. Eight years ago, you found yourself standing at the front door of your ex boyfriend’s dorm with a solemn heart as he softly explained what his life was going to turn into. It was a short conversation, one the both of you had seen coming but neither of you wanted to admit it.

As his new friends and new life began to form behind him in the small one bedroom apartment, you nodded, and you left with one last kiss to his rosy lips. His deep brown eyes bore into yours with just as much sadness that you felt before you dragged yourself away helplessly.

Of course, now that you were 3 months into a new relationship, the memory decides to pop it’s way back into your brain as if it had just happened. A soft whisper in your mind gently coaxed you away from your latest fling and disassociated you from the moment entirely. He’s a nice guy, as well. Good head on his shoulders, smart with money, and loves to cook for you. So the sense of guilt you felt was tremendous because despite having this gorgeous man in front of you, your mind always flew back to him.

It has become more and more difficult not to think of him considering the fact that his face is now everywhere. The news, the internet, your fucking cold brew... He was there, the same bright features and adorable nose. You wondered if he thought of you from time to time, how you’re doing or what you could be up to since you graduated university. With as hectic of a schedule that you’re sure he held, you highly doubted that you have been on his mind since the end. Knowing him, he threw himself into his work and hasn’t looked back. It shows in his music, though. You always knew that he would be successful.

“...are you even listening to me?”

The words dragged you out of your trance and you immediately set down your coffee, “What? Of course I am.”

Junwoo couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “What was I talking about then?”

Fuck.

You push your hair back, a habit you developed recently as your desire to try and forget about your ex boyfriend has grown stronger, “I’m sorry, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

Maybe it hasn’t just been lately. Maybe every single time you feel Junwoo’s lips against yours, you can’t help but compare him to Yoongi. He didn’t need to know that, though.

“Yeah, you use that a lot as your excuse. I’ll try not to bore you with tales from my clients anymore.” Junwoo slides the plate in front of you, a heart shaped kimchi pancake lay flat in the middle of it, and you feel your guilt grow stronger.

“No! I love hearing about them, I- I think I need to see someone about what’s going on in my head.” You explain. You had yet to mention to anyone that you dated Suga of BTS before he was known as such. In fact, you’re pretty sure if you even hinted at it, you’d become the laughing stock of Seoul. It made it impossibly difficult to talk about your feelings with Junwoo. He always tries to pry, but you shut him down completely.

“What’s going on? Is it serious?” concern laces his features and he sits carefully beside you at the table.

“No, I just need someone to talk to.” you try to shake the feeling of discontent when his arm wraps around your shoulder.

He leans his head on yours- “you can always talk to me.” -you shutter.

“A professional, just to help me get back on my game. Regain control of...” you let out a soft sigh and feel Junwoo’s lips brush against your temple, “...myself.”

“_____, I am a literal therapist.”

“A literal therapist who is emotionally involved with me. Isn’t it inappropriate to make out with your patients?” You quirk, raising an eyebrow.

He rolls his eyes again, “Okay. Let me know if you need recommendations. Us in the brain community are pretty tight-knit.” He stands up and runs a hand through your hair before trotting back to the kitchen to begin his own breakfast.

You nibble on the inside of your cheek as you stare down at your pancake, picking up the butter knife beside your plate and dragging it down the center with a grimace on your face.

~*~*~

Even though you spent many years studying medicine, you didn’t think it would involve this much typing. Staring at patient charts has become a normal during your regular work day, especially since you’re boss decided that he didn’t need to look at the charts, he just wanted to hear from you.

You’re a nurse, not a secretary.

Today you were assigned to the emergency room, which was one of your favorite places to be. Everything was much faster than if you happened to be in post-op or general medicine, but the moment you enter the doors, you were piled with paperwork that you were sure a medical assistant could be doing.

The drowning sounds of chatter and machine’s melodic beeping blended with your fingers as they typed name after name, number after number for an hour straight. Just as you thought your soul had completely drained from your body, you hear a tap on the desk.

“H- hi, uh- my friend’s foot got cut open and we think he needs stitches. Is there any way that we could get seen quickly?” You glance up and your eyes immediately go wide.

You remember meeting Namjoon a few times in passing when you were still seeing Yoongi, but he’s much taller than you remember. Instantly you feel your face go red, and you were frozen in place. Why the hell was Namjoon here? How did he manage to choose this hospital of all the ones in Seoul?

You happen to tear your eyes away from him for a second, glancing over and seeing Jungkook being held up by Jimin as his foot stays elevated in the air. The minute you see a t-shirt wrapped tightly around Jungkook’s foot, you move to action.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that! Let me get you a wheelchair,” you swing around the desk and grab one of the folded up wheelchairs and roll it towards Jungkook. He grimaces as he sits down, his foot crossed onto the opposite knee. Jimin seems relieved not to have his friend leaning on him anymore, and you pause for a second to assess the situation.

“Jenni! Do we have an open bed anywhere?” You grab your co worker who walks passed you with her hands filled with bandages.

“Back corner, we just cleaned it.” She calls back, walking without glancing at the people you’re trying to help.

You nod, immediately walking Jungkook towards the back and gesturing for Namjoon and Jimin to follow. You grab an empty chart as you walk, before opening the curtain for the bed and allowing the three men to slide into the area.

“I hate to be pushy but this really hurts.” Jungkook hisses as wrap your arm beneath his and slowly lift him towards the bed. Immediately, you slip gloves onto your hands and begin to unwrap the t-shirt. There’s quite a bit of blood, but not enough to have you worried that he hit an artery.

Namjoon bites his lip before speaking, “I should have watched the stage better. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook shrugs, wincing while he attempts to pull himself up higher, “It was hard to see. Not your fault, or anyone else’s.”

“Except for the person who broke the stage.” Namjoon quips, rubbing his hands over his face, frustrated.

“It’s fine, hyung. The pretty nurse is going to fix Kookie right up.” Jimin is quick to comfort both of his friends while simultaneously causing you to blush.

It’s then that you notice the three of them in clothes similar to their rehearsal getup from all those years ago. Sweat lines each of their foreheads and you wonder just how this whole thing happened.

After inspecting the wound, you whip towards the suture kit, “It is deep enough to require stitches. I’m going to call the doctor down and have her suture you up. Until then would you like me to numb the pain?” Even though you’re well aware who these men are, and how close you potentially are to your ex boyfriend, you can’t help but let your professional prowess overpower your incessant need to think of Yoongi.

Jungkook nods, “At this point I’ll take a shot of whiskey and something to knock me out.”

You smile, “Unfortunately there isn’t any whiskey here. Believe me, I’ve been searching since I got here.”

Namjoon chuckles from beside you as you put your finger up to let them know you’ll be right back. Pulling open the curtain, you meander over to the nurse’s station and pick up the phone to call the ER doctor down. As you wait for him, you grab all the supplies to clean Jungkook’s foot, including a Lidocaine injection. Before you get the chance to turn back around, you hear the ER doors burst open and see four sweaty men tearing their way into the hospital.

Four sweaty men, including Min Yoongi.

An uncharacteristic whimper leaves your lips as you spot the rest of the members, all rushing passed you when they see Namjoon stick his head out of the curtains.

You feel all the blood drain from your face when the familiarity of Yoongi’s presence passes by you. Jenni notices your panic from the other side of the nurse’s station and lets out a little giggle, “Come on, you can’t get all shy just because they’re BTS. You have a job to do.”

“I can’t go in there now, Jenni. You have to take over.” You turn back to her with wild eyes, desperately trying to hand her all the supplies you gathered. Your eyes continuously glance backwards, watching them pile in. Yoongi can’t see you, you won’t be able to look the man in the eyes. You can’t even begin to think about the embarrassment you will feel if Yoongi sees you.

Jenni only laughs, “You’re a professional. Dr. Gwan will be down soon so you only have to be with them for a few moments.”

In a last ditch effort, you call out to her as she walks towards another patient.

Okay. You’re panicking now.

The universe has to be playing some sort of sick game on you right about now. You have not been able to get that stupid man off your mind lately and now here he was in your emergency room. First he’s worried about his brother but now he’s going to see you and want to chat and catch up. Knowing him, he’ll ask you for coffee and you’ll probably learn of his girlfriend or possible wife. He’ll wonder why you’re not married yet, and you’ll have to hide the fact that you haven’t been able to properly move on because of him.

That’s only to say if he even remembers you.

Taking a deep breath, you swallow your anxiety and enter the curtain.

“Alright, Jungkook. Do you have any allergies that I should know about before I inject you with my magic numbing liquid?” It’s much more cramped in the room than it was before. The 6 members crowd to one side of the bed while you stand on the other. You refuse to look up for fear that Yoongi is going to recognize you.

“No allergies.” Jungkook shakes his head.

“Good, good,” you lean forward, elevating Jungkook’s foot and removing the make shift bandage, “you’re gonna feel a slight pinch.”

“He’s not going to lose his foot or anything, right?” A voice asks. You recognize it as Taehyung’s.

“No,” you’re sure they can sense how rigid you are, “he’s not going to be able to dance for a little bit, but he’ll be back and better than ever in no time.” No one responds, and you finally make eye contact with Jungkook, “Are you ready?”

Again, he nods, and you slowly push the needle into his foot. He cringes enough to jerk his upper body slightly, but Jimin is at his side just as quickly as it started.

You dispose of the needle immediately afterwards, wrapping his foot up to keep pressure applied to the wound, “Okay, Dr. Gwan will be here soon. She’ll get you sutured up and I’ll be back later to check on you.”

“Thank you, miss. It already feels better.” He sighs happily, relaxing backwards onto the pillow.

You grin, momentarily forgetting that your ex boyfriend is 3 feet away, “Of course, Jungkook. That’s my job.”

It’s then that you catch Yoongi’s eye for the first time that night. It’s not to say he didn’t recognize you before, but he wasn’t able to say anything once he saw you working. He was deathly still, the rest of the day leaving his mind when your shiny eyes met his. He sees you swallow, and you walk out without saying anything else.

“That was _____.” Yoongi murmurs after a moment, staring at the swaying curtains where you once exited.

The chatter stops instantly, and everyone turns to Yoongi.

“The _____?” Hoseok questions, his eyes wide while he also turns to watch the curtains.

Yoongi nods, his throat going dry as memories of you sleeping beside him at night when he had nothing to his name wash over him. You, with the exception of his brother, were the only person supporting him when he said he wanted a career in music. You applied to universities in Seoul so you could be closer to his dream, you were always so excited to hear his new music and you always told him that he was going to make it big.

It’s not like Yoongi hadn’t thought of you since you broke up. He was a complete mess for months afterwards. His schedule solely consisted of working and rehearsing because he couldn’t bare to have a moment to himself.

Yoongi repeatedly beat himself up for the way he ended things and more specifically, the reason he ended things. After getting into BigHit, Yoongi realized he was seeing less and less of you. You were so busy with med school and he was so busy with rehearsals that you were lucky to see each other once a week. He knew you’d be better off finding someone who could be there for you, and that it was best for him to focus on his career.

He just wasn’t aware of how much that would kill him inside.

“Well what are you doing here? Aren’t you going to go talk to her?” Seokjin pushes. There are times when Yoongi has to remind himself that he isn’t the oldest in the group, and that usually comes when Seokjin takes his role as older brother very seriously.

Yoongi scoffs at the taller man, “What do you want me to say? ‘Hey I know it’s been 8 years but lets meet up for coffee and pretend like we didn’t break each other’s hearts’?” he takes a moment to collect his thoughts, “Besides, Jungkook needs us here while he gets his foot stabbed.”

“Oh no, hyung,” Jungkook laughs, “I’m doing juuuust fine. You go talk to the pretty nurse.”

Yoongi swallows, “What should I say?”

Namjoon shrugs, “Whatever comes to mind.”

Yoongi’s feet carry him out of the curtained off area, his eyes searching across the emergency room in an attempt to find you. He spots you at the desk by the front door, and with a nervous head tilt, he’s dragging himself towards you.

The moment you left Jungkook, you threw yourself back into paperwork and became so immersed that you didn’t hear anything going on around you. Except for the soft footsteps pattering up to your station, which causes you to tear your eyes away from the chicken scratch handwriting on the chart in front of you.

It’s silent for a beat, you can feel the heat rising to your ears as you look up at him. His hair is longer, different from the short style he’d gel up every morning before the break up. There’s more piercings on his ears, but at the core of the new flashy clothes and dyed hair, he’s still the same man who professed his love for you at 17 years old.

“Hi.” he whispers.

“...hi.” you respond, your hands still frozen over the keyboard as Yoongi fiddles with his fingers on top of the desk.

“Thank you for helping-” Yoongi is cut off by another Nurse calling you over from a different bed in the emergency room.

You give him a quick glance, “I’m sorry, duty calls.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but feel his heartbeat quicken when you stand. He had a better look at the pink scrubs donned on your body, and the smile on his face was nearly uncontrollable when he realizes that you made it exactly where you wanted to be. Your dreams of helping people has now become a reality.

You’re truly in your element, and Yoongi can tell. The concern on your face as you help a little girl sat in the center of a bed way too big for her was a sure fire way to know that you were in the right place.

So, Yoongi doesn’t push a conversation. Instead, he walks back to his band mates and watches in awe as Dr. Gwan stitches up Jungkook’s foot.

~*~*~

“He walked away.”

“He walked away?!”

“He. Walked. Away.” You emphasize to Jenni, holding your hands to your face while you let out a groan.

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” she sets down her iced americano, the chatter of the hospital cafeteria drowned out by your conversation, “you dated Suga from BTS before he was famous, and he broke up with you because you were both leading different lives?”

You nod.

She continues, “and you see him in person for the first time in 8 years, and you don’t talk to him?!”

“Wait why are you yelling at me?!”

“Because, dummy,” she leans over the table and flicks your forehead, “he’s been on your mind a lot lately and suddenly he’s at your job! It’s not a coincidence.”

It’s only been about a week since you saw Yoongi, and of course your attempts to get him out of your mind has been fruitless.

“What am I meant to do? Drop everything and run to him?” You ask incredulously, angrily digging your spoon in your yogurt.

Jenni waves her hand haphazardly, “No, no. You catch up with him, see how he’s doing now that he’s a world famous rapper- oh my god, _____ you let go of him?! You didn’t fight for him?!”

“You said you weren’t going to judge me!”

“That was before I learned exactly what you did! Dumb girl,” Jenni shakes her head disapprovingly, “and you’ve settled for Mr. Brainiac instead.”

Jenni isn’t the biggest fan of Junwoo.

“Mr. Brainiac is nice and sweet and knows how to treat me right,” You explain quietly, the fruit in your yogurt seemingly tasteless on your tongue, “but...”

“But he’s not Yoongi?” Jenni tilts her head.

“I don’t think anyone can ever compare to Yoongi. I’m sure it’s unrequited at this point.” As much as you hate to admit it, that’s the part that broke your heart the most about seeing Yoongi. The fact that you couldn’t bare to look at him for more than a second, because it just wasn’t the same as before. It will never been the same as before.

Jenni shrugs, “you won’t know until you find out.”

“And I’m supposed to... what? Show up at his house?”

Jenni’s eyes seem to trail behind you, and a grin on her face, “When is Jungkook supposed to get his sutures removed?”

Confused, you raise an eyebrow and turn around in your chair to see none other than the man of the hour, Min Yoongi. Instead of being dressed in rehearsal clothes like the other day, Yoongi wears all black with a silver bag wrapped around his torso.

You whip back around and glare at Jenni, “I swear to god if you call him-”

“Suga!” Jenni calls out before you can finish your sentence. Your head falls into your hands with another frustrated moan. Jenni waves her hand to him, Yoongi watching warily before he spots that you’re sat right across from her.

He hesitates for a moment, noticing the way you drag knees to your chest which is a nervous tick you have had since before Yoongi had met you. However, he realizes that if he ever wants to talk to you, now would be the best time. Having followed Jungkook to the hospital for the sole purpose of possibly bumping into you, he had to make due with any interaction he could get.

Jenni gets up and leaves as Yoongi walks his way over to you. Your head is now buried in your knees, but you hear the chair screech across from you.

“Hi again.”

You lift your head up, “Hi, Suga. How is life?”

You can see hurt flash through Yoongi’s face at your use of his stage name, but he shakes it off, “Life is going pretty well. How about yours?”

“It’s going well.”

You still haven’t made direct eye contact with him. Despite having not seen you in person in so many years, his heart ached in his chest at the thought that you may still be hurt. Who is he kidding, though? He’s still hurt by the decision himself.

With a sigh, he scoots his chair forward, “Are we going to pretend that there isn’t a history behind us?”

You laugh bitterly, “Haven’t you been doing a pretty good job of that for the passed eight years?”

Yoongi’s jaw drops. You don’t remember Yoongi ever showing his emotions so freely on his face. That was one of the good things from the interviews you have seen, those 6 boys have opened up Yoongi more and more to his emotions. You feel bad for your response, but you’re unsure how to apologize.

“I didn’t want to end things just much as you didn’t,” He bites, ignoring the tinge in his heart, “I want to catch up. It’s nice seeing you again.”

“I have a boyfriend.” You say, your yogurt seeming much more interesting than it was moments before.

He clears his throat, “That’s okay.”

“Because I had to move on.”

“That’s okay.” He repeats, his fingertips drumming along the table top. He hasn’t been chewing his nails lately. That’s good for him. Though, the nervous habit has developed into something different, the drumming of his finger tips echoing more and more in your head as the awkward silence mulls on. Even in a loud cafeteria, your mind only focused on him.

With out thinking much of it, you reach your hand forward and place it on top of his to get the drumming to stop. Yoongi looks up at you while you hold your hand atop of his. For a moment, the silence continues as you stare into his deep brown eyes. You’re transported back to your late teens, where you felt as though you were on top of the world with Min Yoongi by your side. He stared at you as if you were his entire universe, spending night after night cuddled up together, talking about your dreams and aspirations while simultaneously chasing them together.

Well, it used to be together, but instead you had to push yourself through your dreams alone.

Yoongi’s the first to break the silence, letting a dry chuckle fall effortlessly from his lips while he stares down at your touching hands, “You used to do the same thing if you saw me biting my nails.”

Even though you want to be mad, you wand to walk away and never speak to him again, you can’t. Instead, you nibble on your lip in an attempt to stifle your giggle. Yoongi notices and realizes he’s making good headway into conversation.

“You told me to help you stop, the only thing that seemed to get you to stop was-”

“Your touch?” Yoongi suggests, a teasing gummy grin on his face.

“Yeah,” you finally let out a laugh, “my touch distracted you from a lot of things.”

The people in the cafeteria didn’t seem to be bothered by the two of you in the center of the room. Busy doctors and nurses trying to get their lunch in, loved ones of patients desperately waiting to hear if their surgeries went well, all is forgotten as you fall into the same pit you found yourself in many years ago. Bottomless, but bright. Visions of the future dancing along you as you fall deeper and deeper. Although now, it seems to be visions of what could have been.

“Of course it did, how could I focus when I had your pretty face in front of me?” Yoongi’s tone is still teasing, but melancholy wades through his words.

You slip your hand away hesitantly, and Yoongi’s wrist twitches at the sudden loss of contact. “That’s the reason it ended, isn’t it?”

This is a conversation that Yoongi is not ready for, but at this point he’ll take anything he can get with you, “What do you mean?”

“You broke up with me because you knew I’d distract you from your dream.”

He brings the hand you once held upward, scorching skin touching the back of his neck nervously as he takes a deep breath, “I’d be lying if I said that didn’t play a part.”

You inhale and drop your legs from the edge of your chair before leaning forward. After years of questioning whether or not you would ever move on, you finally have the chance to get some closure. “What was the final straw?”

He bites his lip, “I was able to fall asleep without you.”

You didn’t think you’d be able to feel your heart sink as deep as it has. Even after all these years, your emotions are bubbling to the surface. How can something so simple break your heart so badly?

“You were in school during the day and I was training at night,” he continues, “we never saw each other and I struggled for so long to fall asleep without you next to me. Then... one day my head hit the pillow and I fell asleep immediately.”

Another knife to your chest.

“Did you struggle at all? After the break up, I mean.” You try to search for some sense of regret in his eyes but he’s always been very good at putting up a wall and having people fight for a way in.

He laughs bitterly, “Of course I struggled. Are you kidding me? I thought I was going to marry you, have kids with you. I was nearly inconsolable once it really set in that you weren’t going to be with me anymore.”

You swallow anxiously, “But it was really for the best, yeah? You’ve got your career and I’ve got mine. We’re both successful. Given, you’re entirely more successful than I am but I’m happy with where I’m at.”

“Don’t say that,” Yoongi breaths, “you worked your ass off to get to where you are, you’re just as successful as I am.”

“You think we wouldn’t have got to where we are if we stayed together.” It’s more of a statement than a question, but Yoongi seems to ponder on his answer.

“I think we were young and didn’t know much about life. It was a shitty time for both of us, but I did and still do think that in some aspect of the word, you are my soulmate.”

Your breath hitches at the word.

Beyond already having thought this yourself, the realization that Yoongi thinks it as well causes your chest to flush with heat. The adoration you felt years ago when Yoongi’s hair was always styled neatly in a mohawk and you had no clue how to use eyeliner still rests itself neatly at the bottom of your heart. Hearing Yoongi even say the word ‘soulmate’ nearly reduced you to a puddle of tears.

Yoongi notices that you haven’t let out a breath, “Fuck,” he’s panicking, running his hand anxiously through his hair, “fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to freak you out, I- I-” He cuts himself off and allows his head to fall into his hands.

A moment passes, and he seems to gather himself once he hears you exhale, “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I saw you last. I dreamed about what I wanted to say to you and insisted on being the one to drive Jungkook to the hospital today with just the hope and slightest chance that I might run into you.”

“What’s your plan here, then?”

“I want to be friends.” He proposes.

You scoff, “Do you have time for friends now?”

He sighs, expecting the reply but still feeling his chest tighten, “Let’s hang out on a day where the two of us have nothing going on. When are you off next?”

“I have a boyfriend.” You reiterate, raising an eyebrow.

“Not a date,” he dismisses you, “just as friends. When are you off next?”

Crossing your arms, you eye him suspiciously as he widens his eyes in an attempt to push you towards an answer.

“Saturday.”

“Great,” he breathes, “I’ll make sure I’m free that day too.”

~*~*~

Maybe you are taking a bit too much time getting ready for a man who has already seen you at your worst. Maybe you purposely wore purple lipstick in an attempt to show that you have been paying attention to his career and maybe, just maybe, you are way too happy to be hanging out with Min Yoongi once again.

That doesn’t take away from your nervousness, though. Your hand shakes as you finish applying your mascara. You don’t live in a nice mansion like Yoongi does, and you’re terrified that someone will spot him picking you up from your apartment and all hell will break loose. You’ve read some of the tabloids involving anyone close to the group, so your anxiety is nearly palpable.

“Get a grip,” you whisper to yourself, “you’ve seen this man naked before. There’s no need to be nervous.”

As you finish your make up, you move on to your hair but stop once you hear a knock on your door.

Yoongi isn’t supposed to be here for another half hour.

“Fuck.” you whisper, standing quickly from your vanity mirror and rushing towards the front door in a panic. You peep through the lens in the door, confusion striking you when you spot Junwoo.

The lock turns loudly and you slide open the door, “Hi?”

His eyes raise from the ground until he meets yours, “You’re awfully dressed up just to be hanging at home.”

“I have plans.” You state, slipping your undone hair behind your ear. You couldn’t help but notice the instant meekness you felt take over your body the moment you saw Junwoo.

“With me?” He questions, stepping into your apartment. His black hair is pushed back with way too much gel to be comfortable, the honey brown eyes that usually comforted you suddenly made you feel uneasy.

You shake your head in response, “An old friend. He and I are-”

“He?” Junwoo cuts you off, much louder than he was moments before. You take a step back at the sudden change of tone, your jaw nearly dropping at his audacity.

“Yes, he. Is that a problem?” It was probably in your best interest not to challenge Junwoo. If there is anything you learned in your short time together it’s that he was very good at manipulating your words. He claims it’s his way of reading deeper into the situation but you think your intentions are pretty surface-level.

Junwoo didn’t seem to expect your attitude, backing down immediately with a nervous scratch to the back of his neck. “Well, I don’t know how I feel about you hanging out with another guy.”

A scoff leaves your mouth as you scan Junwoo’s posture change, “Are you one of those people who assumes men and women can’t be platonic friends?”

“Yes.”

Well, at least he’s honest.

You roll your eyes, “I can assure you that he’s just a friend.”

A friend who you have a long, egregious history with. A friend who’s lips have touched every inch of your body, has seen you break down over text books and has kissed away your tears when you were beginning to reach adulthood.

But yeah, a friend nonetheless.

“Are you still going to hang out with him if I tell you I’m uncomfortable with it?” Junwoo presses, puffing out his chest.

“I don’t feel like you have the right to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with,” you furrow your brows, “why are you even here?”

“I wanted to take you to the park, but that’s not important. Were you going to tell me that you were going out with a guy?” Man, Junwoo’s ability to annoy the fuck out of you has seemingly grown beyond a point of retribution in the short 10 minutes he’s been in front of you.

As you open your mouth to respond, another knock sounds on the door. You let out a small groan, reaching towards the doorknob and turning it swiftly. On the other side is Yoongi, a striped black and white button down unbuttoned on his torso with a white t-shirt underneath. He’s certainly gotten a better fashion sense.

“Hi, Yoongi. I’m almost ready,” you send a glare in Junwoo’s direction, “I have to finish my hair and I’ll be ready.”

Junwoo is staring wide-eyed at Yoongi with his jaw dropped. Yoongi looks back at him and subtly crinkles his nose, just enough for you to spot it.

After a moment, you break the silence, “Yoongi, this is Junwoo. Junwoo,” you gesture to Yoongi, “Suga of BTS.”

Yoongi lets out a laugh, “Stop introducing me like that to people.”

“That is your name, isn’t it?” You tease, spinning the black hat on his head backwards. “Anyway, are you heading out, Junwoo?”

“You didn’t tell me that it was Suga you were hanging out with.” Junwoo speaks accusingly, making you realize that you truly didn’t make any progress throughout your entire conversation.

“He’s an old friend,” you explain, “I’ll call you later.”

Junwoo opens his mouth but closes it again. You know it’s more than likely because he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of someone so influential. Junwoo cared too much about his image to do anything to disrupt it. One bad word from Yoongi and he was done for.

Silently, he steps out of your apartment but doesn’t hesitate on slamming the door shut.

Yoongi glances at you and points to the door, “Him?”

“I never claimed to make good decisions.” You sigh, causing Yoongi to giggle. “Anyway, let me finish my hair. Help yourself to anything here.”

“Yes ma’am.”

You hesitate for a moment before deciding that you didn’t have anything in particular that Yoongi could accidentally get his hands on that would be embarrassing.

As you walk out of the room, Yoongi runs his fingers along the picture frames on your wall. He remembers these pictures previously sitting on your desk in your parents’ house. Now they were lined perfectly across the off-white painted wall in your living room, images of your family and close friends filling the black painted frames.

He smiles at the picture of your mother, you’re an exact replica of her. One of the first things he struggled with beyond not seeing you anymore was the fact that he wouldn’t see your family. Despite your relationship being short lived in the beginning, he had grown very close to your family in the process. After the break up, your mother called Yoongi repeatedly asking if he needed food and clothes. He knows that you gained your big heart from her, and he wishes that he can speak with her again.

Moving on, he spots the familiar picture of you leaning against a bookshelf with Le Fleurs Du Mal by Charles Baudelaire gripped loosely in your hands. He remembers that picture from the end of high school, you insisted on stopping by the local Daegu city library one last time before you both moved to Seoul. Yoongi snapped the picture as an opportunity to remember your hometown, because he was sure the two of you would never be back there again. You would stay together and conquer the world, but unfortunately that never happened.

Yoongi can’t help but run his fingers along the side of your face, your smile hiding behind the book. Yoongi’s reflection can be seen in the window behind you, his grin just as wide as yours.

You were in love, and Yoongi misses that.

Of course now it’s not like he can do anything about that. You have a boyfriend who is clearly very loving and trusting in you.

Yoongi wasn’t necessarily sure what his plan was when he was searching for you in the hospital, nor was he sure what his plan is now that he has you within arms reach of him. Namjoon was sure to tell him how stupid he was for even attempting to get involved with you again even though you have a boyfriend but Yoongi didn’t care. So long as you were in his life somehow, he was willing to make it work. Friends, maybe more. He wasn’t sure, but he wanted whatever he could get.

He did...okay for a few years without you. He dated on and off but never really developed a connection with anyone the way he had you. He couldn’t help but compare everyone who came into his life to you no matter how hard he tried not to. It’s laughable at best, because deep down in his mind he’s well aware that nobody will ever compare to you.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

Yoongi tears his eyes away from the picture and instantaneously rakes his eyes up and down your body, “Whoa.”

Dressed in a simple leggings and plaid button down combination, it accentuates your curves and causes Yoongi’s mouth to water.

You let out an embarrassed giggle, “I, uh- I wasn’t sure what we were doing to I tried to dress casually.”

Yoongi doesn’t stop his eyes from staring at your hips, “It works. Everything about you, works.”

“Careful now.” You warn jokingly, putting a hand out in an attempt to pause his thoughts.

Yoongi shakes his head, “Okay, I have a reservation ready for us.”

You lead him out your door and to the car park, “You better not be taking me to some expensive restaurant because I won’t hesitate to kill you.”

“Nah,” Yoongi shakes his head, opening the passenger side door for you, “but if you still love chicken then I may have found the greatest restaurant in existence.”

Slipping into his car, you wait to respond until he moves over to the drivers side and turns the car on. “You remember that I love chicken?”

He smiles, gummy and bright just like before, “I remember everything about you.”

You ignore the flutter in your heart at his words, and sit silently beside him while the radio plays softly from his speakers. The car is far nicer than the one he used to have, and the seats have a warmer that Yoongi seemed to know the perfect temperature of. As he continues to drive on, you try not to watch the way his left hand grips the steering wheel and his right sits idly on his thigh.

8 years ago, that hand would have been resting on your thigh, fingertips brushing the inner part of your softest flesh while you leaned your head back listened to the melodic tunes of whatever song he made most recently. A few of those tunes have been turned into BTS songs, and you still felt beyond proud of him.

“Okay, we have to go around the back and through the kitchen. I just don’t want to risk-”

“Yeah, yeah,” you cut him off, waving your hand dismissively, “you’re hot shot famous guy now. Don’t want to risk getting seen with a lady.”

Yoongi chuckles, “I may be some hot shot famous guy but I’m still the same person I was a decade ago.”

You watch as he turns the car off, “Prove it.”

“What?” He laughs in disbelief.

“Prove that you’re the same person you were all those years ago.” You push, tongue in cheek while you smirk at the man beside you. He seems to ponder for a moment, puckering his lips in thought before he exits the car and runs over to your side of the car.

“Come on,” he gestures for you to get up, “hurry up.”

“Hold your horses, Mister.” you adjust the bag around your torso as you stand and let your eyes fall back to Yoongi. His back is to you and his knees are bent. Hands reach backwards for you and he turns to look at you expectantly.

Tilting your head, you smile as you hop onto Yoongi’s back. A move he’d do regularly when you’d spend hours on your feet interning at various hospitals around the city. His large hands gripped the back of your thighs and you let out a squeal as he hikes you up until your legs are wrapped around his waist.

It takes a moment for him to steady his walk as he leads you carefully up to the back door. You lean upward and knock on the back door labeled “staff only” and wait patiently as you feel Yoongi adjust you again.

“You used to carry me around like this all the time.” You grin, wrapping your arms around his neck in a hug. It didn’t feel weird hugging him like this. Natural instincts kicked in and the whiff of his cologne had you reeling. It’s exactly the same as he wore before, and his hair smelled of coconut conditioner. Before you would turn his head and kiss his lips every time you caught his scent, and it’s taking everything in you right now not to do exactly that.

“I did,” you can hear the smile in Yoongi’s voice, “and you never reciprocated.”

“I’ll give you a piggy back on the way out, how about that?” You pat the top of his head as the door opens to reveal a very confused looking employee.

A sheepish smile is held on Yoongi’s face while the employee realizes who he is. “Mr. Min,” he bows his head, “lovely to have you again. We have your usual table set up in the back.”

“Awesome,” Yoongi drawls sweetly, “lead the way!”

Heat fills your face as the kitchen staff of the unnamed restaurant watch curiously while Yoongi walks you to the table.

He doesn’t allow you to get off, instead he turns around and drops you onto the booth seat as you try to silence the squeal that leaves your mouth. Yoongi only laughs as he flips back around to see the top half of your body slip between the table and the seat. He’s quick to help you up but his arms grow weak from laughing so he takes a few moments to pull you back up. You couldn’t help but laugh as well, the ridiculousness of the situation bringing back memories.

“I’m sorry,” he says, inhaling another laugh as he slips into the seat opposite of you, “I didn’t think you would fall.”

You adjust the hat on your head, “It’s fine, I didn’t need my equilibrium to work properly anyway.”

Yoongi can’t help but watch you carefully as you open the menu. Your nose still crinkled when you came across a dish you may not particularly like, and your eyes widened whenever you saw something that you thought looked good.

Both of you decided on a beer to drink and various flavors of dry rub wings to enjoy. As you waited on your food to be cooked, you sip your beer and suck your teeth while you decide whether or not you want to ask him all your dying questions.

Deciding to start small, you took a deep breath as Yoongi met your eyes, “How much did they have to fight you to get you to start dancing?”

He let out a sigh of relief, half expecting the awkwardness of your history together to take over, “I almost quit like four times, I won’t lie.”

You giggle, “I figured. You do well, though. I was amazed by your Seesaw performance when you started dancing on your own up there. Genuinely was the last thing I expected.

Yoongi doesn’t respond, he only smiles widely with his head rested gently on his hand. You tilt your head as his eyes scan yours, “What?” You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, wanting the world to swallow you up at the thought that you could have come across as weird or creepy by knowing so much about Yoongi’s career.

“You watch my performances?” He questions, his smile not dropping. A hint of pink brushes the tip of his nose.

“Of course,” you say almost incredulously, “you’re everywhere. It’s hard not to.”

“What’s your favorite song?” Yoongi presses, leaning forward to show you’ve piqued his interest.

Okay, there’s no way you’re going to let him think he has some sort of head over you.

“Cypher part 3.” you say confidently.

“Oh?”

“Mhm,” you hum, nibbling on the bottom of your lip for a moment before deciding to say why it was your favorite, “specifically the part where you say you’re a starfish feeding off the envy of others.”

“Ah, yes. Truly a fan favorite. You should hear the cheers when I explain what my tongue can do.” Yoongi whispers the latter half of his sentence, causing your throat to go dry. His tongue is skillful in many ways, not just rapping, and you were well aware of that. Decadence rested on the tip of his tongue, and you’d like to think that you contributed to his *ahem* practice.

He pulls away with a cheeky grin just as the waiter comes by with steaming plates of food.

The affect that his words had on you still amazes you to this day. Maybe he does have a head above you, and maybe you’re okay with that.

The rest of the dinner goes by with a breeze, the two of you laughing over drinks and trying each other’s food. It didn’t take long for you to fall into a comfortable fit with Yoongi, even though so much time had passed. It was like he never left, and he truly is still the same person he was before. He laughs the same, his shoulders shakes and his grin is always huge. Although his hair style changes and his fashion sense has gotten better, you still see the old Yoongi poking out whenever he laughed particularly hard.

Being face to face with him has allowed you to compare to the younger him, though. His face has slimmed and his voice has gotten deeper, the adam’s apple you kiss at night was larger than before and his neck was longer. Despite all that, he was still the same. Fame hadn’t changed him a bit.

The moment the check comes you snatch it up quickly.

“_____.” the way Yoongi says your name shoots a chill down your spine, but you ignore it when you slip your cash into the designated sleeve.

“Yoongi.” You mock, handing the sleeve back to the waitress who seems scared of Yoongi’s deep tone.

“I was supposed to pay.” He pouts, leaning back in the booth and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Be faster then.” You grin, standing up and crouching in front of Yoongi’s side.

He laughs, remembering your promise from earlier and slipping onto your back. The path you to through the kitchen is a bit less crowded now, but you felt the same amount of eyes on you the entire time. You felt much less embarrassed about it now, though, because Yoongi had a way of calming you down even at your worst points.

“The night is still young,” Yoongi speaks as he slips off of your back and unlocks his car, “would you like to revisit Yongsan Park?”

“Always.”

It wasn’t a far drive from the restaurant, and it was spent mostly talking about music and the new album that Yoongi was extremely proud of. Of course you had already listened to it but you didn’t want to take away from his excitement of showing you some of the songs.

When you made it to the park, the lights lining the jogging path were already on. You hadn’t expected it to be so dark yet but fall time always had a habit of sneaking up on you.

There was an intense rush of nostalgia associated with this park for the both of you. Nights where the two of you huddled close under the stars were spent here, right beneath the biggest tree in the park. It was unspoken that that was your spot, and you hadn’t been to it since you broke up.

Yet, muscle memory kicks in and both of your legs carry you right to the tree.

“Isn’t it funny how we spent so many nights here?” You bring up as you sit at the base of the tree.

Yoongi nods, “So many nights in this exact spot.”

“I love it here, it was our spot.”

Yoongi’s proximity to you is much closer than it should be but neither of you are making any move to change it. His shoulder brushes against yours and you resist the urge to rest your head on his shoulder.

“It still is.” He corrects, tapping your knee gently with his hand and resting in there.

You freeze for a moment, not knowing how to process his touch anymore but you can’t push him away. In fact, you’re relishing in the heat burning on your skin beneath his hand. It’s one of the best feelings in the world.

“Do you remember when you tried to scare me by climbing a tree and the branch broke?” Yoongi looks up, and you can tell he’s trying not to laugh at the memory.

“Yeah but that was because I was trying to get you back for pouring ice water on me when I fell asleep on my text book.” You roll your eyes at the memory, distinctly remembering the chill on your back while Yoongi cackled in your small one bedroom apartment.

That same cackle leaves Yoongi’s lips from beside you. You snap your head towards him, “Oh you think it’s funny still?”

“Yeah,” his laugh turns into a giggle, “you can still see the broken branch.”

“What?” You glance up, and sure enough the branch is still gone. Your jaw drops and you use your hands to push Yoongi over. He doesn’t fight you on it and falls with ease even though you didn’t use very much pressure at all, and you’re quick to try and wrestle him down. “It must be so funny,” you groan as you try to pin him down, straddling your legs on either side of his waist, “to still be pinned by- holy shit you’ve gotten strong.”

Yoongi takes his opportunity to flip the two of you over, switching positions and easily pinning your hands on either side of your head. Vaguely, you wonder how much time it took for him to gain so much strength, but your mind quickly shifts once you realize the precarious position that Yoongi has put you in.

Glancing down, you see his hips rest just above your navel, and images of the many nights you shared together flash through your mind. Rushed breathing and sweaty skin sticking together as you explored each other’s bodies and always found new ways to please each other. Briefly, a rush of heat flashes through your lower abdomen at the way your imagination flushes with possibilities of Yoongi’s touch.

You inhale, your chest heaving and Yoongi’s eyes fly to the way your cleavage displays itself for him. You’ve gotten fuller than before, and it suits you. He’s enjoying every second of it.

Before he can stop himself, he leans down and smashes his lips onto yours. The grip on your wrists loosen just enough for you to slip out and have your hands flying to his cheeks. He tastes the same as he did before, his smell intoxicating as it fills your nose. Your senses are overwhelmed with him, his tastes, his scent, the way his lips feel against yours. The familiarity is there, but they feel new and exciting at the same time, like you were pushed back to your youth.

He exhales against you as if he’s been waiting all night to do just this. Slipping his legs out from beneath him, he presses his chest against yours as your hands slide to the back of his neck to hold him against you. The rest of the world falls, dissolving into nothing. You keen helplessly as you feel him grind against you, and that noise seems to push Yoongi over the edge. He growls into your mouth, pulling away to start his descent onto your neck with bites and licks in all the places you loved before.

Arching into him, your hands loop through his black locks with a gasp as his tongue licks at your wine kissed collarbones.

This is everything you’ve been wishing for. Everything feels so right.

Yet, it’s wrong. You need to stop him. You need to ask him to pull away. But you can’t. He feels too fucking good. It’s not until he reaches the stop of your chest, his fingers hesitantly reaching at your collar does he look into your eyes for permission.

And you stop him.

“I- I think I need to go have a very uncomfortable conversation with Junwoo.” You state, and Yoongi’s face drops.

“I can’t believe you still managed to think about him when I was kissing you.” He says nearly incredulously, crawling off of you and leaning his back against the tree again. His chest is rising and falling faster than before, showing that your affect on him was much stronger than you previously had thought.

Your heart twinged at Yoongi’s cold tone. You swallow, “If you think there’s a possibility of us continuing this, I have to end things with Junwoo.”

Yoongi whines, “Why now?”

You let out a little giggle, sitting up and leaning your head on his shoulder like you wanted to before. “Even if I didn’t do it right now, I don’t think we could go any further in the middle of a park.”

“I thought you liked exhibitionism.” Yoongi leans to the side, kissing you once again. It’s much breathier than before, and he prays that you don’t feel his heart pounding wildly in his rib cage at the mere thought of someone catching the two of you outside.

You gasp into the kiss and force yourself to pull away even though you didn’t want to at all. Giving him a look, Yoongi sighs.

“Okay, okay. I’ll drive you home so you can have that uncomfortable conversation.” He mutters, standing up and pulling you with him. He’s much more touchy than before, his arm wrapped tightly around your shoulders while he guides you back to his car.

The conversation you’re about to have with Junwoo will truly be one of the most anxiety inducing things you’ve ever done.

~*~*~

The dorms are dark when Yoongi arrives back. The living room in which everyone has a tendency to congregate after a particularly grueling practice day holds no one, a small reminder that everyone finally got some well deserved rest.

He hums softly to the tune of ‘People’, one of his favorite songs from his recent mixtape and opens the fridge to grab a bottle of water. When he closes it, Jimin is standing on the other side.

Yoongi jumps, “Jesus fucking christ, Park Jimin!”

“Didja get back together with her?”

“What?” Yoongi takes a second to assess Jimin’s pajama clad body, “N- no. We just hung out.”

“It’s a shame,” Jimin reaches forward and grabs the water bottle from Yoongi’s hand, “I heard you humming so I figured you finally got laid.” Yoongi opens his mouth to protest but Jimin continues before he can, “You know, I’ve known you for so long and I don’t think you’ve ever had a woman sign an NDA? Have you even had sex since you broke up with the pretty nurse?”

“I feel like that’s none of your business.” Yoongi yanks the water bottle back, opening it and praying that Jimin didn’t backwash.

“But it is my business because I have no clue how you did it. I’m sure she was fucking other guys regularly. I hear it’s bad for women to go without sex because they turn into-” Yoongi attempts to drown out the sounds of his roommate, his hand gripping the counter top tightly with unwanted images of you in another man’s bed ripping through his brain, “-and I’ve always wondered what it was like to only ever have your hand to get yourself off. Is it lonely? How much porn do you-”

“Jimin!” Yoongi shouts.

“Cutting me off is awfully rude, don’t you think?”

“Shut. the. fuck. up.” Yoongi grits his teeth, moving to walk away as Jimin laughs.

“Called it! I knew you were a born again virgi-”

“Goodnight!” Yoongi calls back, walking up to his room and locking the door behind him. He plops down onto his bed, the TV situated perfectly level with his bed. It’s a stark contrast to the small black and white TV he could afford all those years ago, so the familiar sound of his TV sounding on brings a smile to his face as he realizes yet again how fortunate he’s become.

Now he’s determined to make sure you feel the same sense of fortune that he has. Because he has you back in his life. Was it a twist of fate or the inevitability of soulmates, Yoongi isn’t sure. However, he’s immensely grateful to have you back, even if you’re not truly his yet.

~*~*~

"I’m breaking up with you.”

“What?!”

You cover your mouth as the unexpected sentence leaves your mouth. Junwoo sits in his office with his fists clenched tightly on top of his desk. He’s never been particularly good at hearing bad news, and even though it’s only been a few months you feel as though you’re signing divorce papers judging my his reaction.

It’s been two days since you last saw Yoongi. You put off speaking to Junwoo for a little bit to try and figure out exactly what you were going to say to him. You had a whole speech ready, talking about how he deserves better and that he’ll find his soulmate eventually.

But when the moment came, your speech was practically thrown to the ceiling fan and torn into a million pieces.

“W- why? What did I do?” Junwoo asks, he seems more angry than anything which you didn’t expect.

“You didn’t do anything,” you sigh, plopping in the seat on the other side of his desk, “I just don’t think it’s going to work out.”

“Everything was going so well!” Oh god, he’s yelling. “It’s that fucker Suga’s fault, isn’t it? He’s putting you up to this!”

“Fucking hell, Junwoo! How old are you, honestly? Immediately assuming that it was Yoongi is the most childish thing you could have done.” It is Yoongi, though. You know that, and unfortunately Junwoo knows that as well. It isn’t in good conscience to deny his allegations but you can’t help but do so.

Though, the inevitability of your relationship ending would have happened with out without Yoongi’s push.

“Well excuse me for thinking you would fuck a member of the biggest band on the planet! For God’s sake, any whore would drop their pants for one of them.”

Your jaw drops, “I didn’t fuck him.”

Junwoo rolls his eyes, “Are you sure? Because it’s almost like I could smell the stench coming off of you.”

You place your tongue in your cheek, biting back a response. Should have figured the man wouldn’t know how to take a break up.

Then, you laugh, “Okay. You got me, I fucked him.”

“I knew it.” Junwoo’s nostrils flare.

“Hundreds of times, eight years ago,” You spit, standing up quick enough for the chair behind you to tip over. “it wasn’t working out anyway and clearly that’s for the best. The last thing I need is a chauvinist asshole who refuses to see what was right in front of him.”

“I-”

“No,” you put your hand up, “I’m done.”

You turn around swiftly, walking out of his office and ignoring the stares from his receptionists. Surely they heard the yelling and the last thing you needed was to feel judged.

Except you weren’t being judged. Just before you reached the elevator, one of the girls spoke out. “You’re the second break up he’s had this week, don’t feel bad.”

You turn around, watching her flick vivaciously through a magazine. “What was that?” You speak slowly, turning around walking up to the desk.

“Another woman came by earlier this week, she said he’s been fucking some nurse behind her back and threw a ring at him.” She shrugs, then leans forward with a whisper, “You’re better off without him.”

You scoff, “and I had the decency to break up with him before I fucked someone else. Thanks for the tip, darling.”

As soon as the elevator doors close, you whip out your phone and text Yoongi.

To: Suga Delivered: 13:52

Deed is done if you still want me to come by

You make it to your car and hear your phone ding.

From: Suga Received: 13:57

I’ll meet you outside

Your heart flutters, so you start your car and drive as quickly as you can towards the directions of the dorm. It’s not hard, everyone in Seoul is keenly aware of where BTS stay, but there’s an unspoken rule that nobody is to bother them. One of the things you enjoyed most about this whole situation is the amount of respect they boys have earned, and you couldn’t feel more proud of Yoongi.

The gated group of buildings is intimidating to say the least, but you’re unable to contain your excitement as you pull up. Yoongi is a few feet away, waving from the other side of the gate as he presses a few buttons before you hear the gate click and begin to side open.

Your excitement over simply seeing him is nearly too much to contain. A week ago you struggled to not get nauseous at the thought of him seeing you but now you didn’t know how you ever made it without him. Inching your car forward became an arduous task because it took precious seconds away from you being able to kiss Yoongi once again.

So, you throw your car into park as the gates slip closed behind you and run out of your car to jump towards Yoongi.

He catches you, immediately slamming your lips onto his. It’s soft this time, the urgency isn’t there but he doesn’t mind the feeling of your hands gently tugging at his hair and scratching his scalp.

“Mm,” he hums against your lips, “does this mean you’re mine again?”

“With some adjustments to both of our lives,” you smile, “and making time for each other, then I’m willing to try again.”

“Good,” he grins, “let me take you inside and show you how much I’m gonna try.”

He slides you down his torso and grabs your hand, yanking you closely behind him. You let out a quiet yelp as he does so, following him into the building and welcoming the warmth that greets you. You’re lead through a long hallway but are stopped abruptly once Yoongi spots Hoseok walking through the living room.

“Hey pretty nurse, and Yoongi.” Hoseok says without looking up, and Yoongi lets out a sigh of relief.

You give him a questioning look but shake it off when Yoongi leads you up a lot of stairs and straight to his bedroom.

“Okay, there’s two ways this can go-” Yoongi slips his shirt over his head and you try to process everything as it’s happening because holy shit you’re going to fuck Yoongi for the first time in years and might actually be able to have an orgasm “-slow and steady or hard and fast.”

“Save the romance for next time,” you giggle, slipping your dress over your head and falling backwards onto his bed, “I haven’t had you inside me in years. Hard and fast.”

He chuckles, “You got it baby.”

He jumps on top of you, his hand flying to your thigh to steady your leg as he grinds his still clothed cock into your core. He’s already hard, and you’re already dripping. The last two days you spent not being near him was the most difficult thing you had experienced because you knew what was coming and how he was going to do it.

And you’re loving every second of it.

Spreading your legs wide, you reach between the two of you and play with the hem of his boxers. He groans into your mouth, inching upward so your hand slips further in, “No teasing, baby girl. Hard and fast.”

“Right, yes. I’m sorry.” you bite his bottom lip before lifting your hips and feeling his hands loop on either side of your panties to slip them down your legs. He drops between your legs immediately and inhales your scent, tossing his head back in pleasure.

“Fuck, just like I remember.” Yoongi dives back, his nose brushing against your aching clit while his tongue darts out and licks your quivering hole. You let out a quiet moan but are quick to cover your mouth as you remember there are six other men on the other side of these thin walls.

The pleasure of knowing that he remembers your scent is enough to send you feral, your back arching off the bed as his lips finally wrap around your clit and sucks hard. The obscene sound of him drinking in your juices fills the room, his groans against your core sending chills up your spine. If there was anything you knew about Min Yoongi, it’s that he knew how to use his tongue.

You fill your core begin to heat up as your orgasm builds and before you know it, you’re uncovering your mouth and letting out a moan loud enough to be heard for miles.

Yoongi can’t help but smirk against you as he drinks in your release, moving to trail kisses up your abdomen as you come down from the pleasure.

“You ready for more?” He kisses your lips, and it’s then that you notice his cock his gloriously hard against his stomach, boxers long discarded.

“Please, yes. Please please plea-”

“Alright, hold your horses.” Yoongi jokes, brushing the head of his cock against your slit a few times teasingly.

You pout, “You said no teasing.”

He nods, “I can’t help it. Your face is so cute when you’re begging for my cock.”

As you’re thinking of a rebuttal, Yoongi finally slips inside. Both of you moan in pleasure at the clenching of your core. He remembers exactly how to move to get you to gasp, how deep to move to get you to clench, and he remembers what each of your movements mean. Your nails currently dig into his back harshly but he doesn’t complain, because that means his thrusts are going at just the right speed.

He wishes you can scream like you used to, but he realizes how weird that could be for his bandmates to hear. However, he can’t say that he necesarily minds all things considered. He’d love for Jimin to hear what he’s doing to you after the way his smart mouth moved the other night. He could imagine his face as he listens, but then Yoongi is dragged back to the moment when he feels you clench particularly hard.

You feel him tensing more and more, struggling to hold on as your vice grip on him tightens even further. The soft sponge of your warm cunt is nearly too much for him to bare, and as you feel your second orgasm approach, you grip Yoongi’s face in your hands, “Cum for me. Please.” His eyes flutter closed and he begins to thrust faster, lips on yours and sweat building on both of your foreheads. Then, your second orgasm washes over you deliciously, Yoongi’s hips stuttering before he follows with his own release, his cum coating your walls white. He’s still for a moment, gasping above you. When you reach up and brush the hair from his forehead, he collapses on top of you, “Fuck, that’s even better than I remembered.”

“Good,” you giggle, kissing his nose, “because there’s so much more I want to try with you.”

His heart flutters irrevocably, knocking the wind out of him when he realizes that you’re in this for the long run just as he is. This time he swears he’s going to make it work, and he plans on spending the rest of his life with you.

His lips brush against you once again, then he speaks.

“Write me a list, baby girl.”

#ty for reading!!#min yoongi #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #yoongi #suga #bts #suga x reader #suga x reader smut #yoongi x reader smut #min yoongi x reader smut #suga x reader fluff #yoongi x reader fluff

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jamiiviper · 4 years ago

Text

The Jamil Essay

this is a reupload of a post i made a couple of weeks ago - previously it was an external link to a google doc, so it never showed up in any of the twst tags, but i worked so hard on this and i would really love it if more people read it, so i’m reuploading directly to tumblr.

to put it simply, this is a 3.7k word character analysis purely about jamil. and even with a word count like that i wasn’t quite able to cover everything i wanted to say, so who knows, maybe there’ll be a part 2 one day. i’ve also decided i do want to write a kalim version, so i’ll probably start working on that sometime soon! stay tuned!

trigger warnings: mentions of child abuse

jamil is the vice dorm leader of scarabia, who’s been kalim’s caretaker practically since birth. he puts on a facade of not standing out, preferring to remain completely average, and plans his life around kalim’s antics. as we learned in chapter 4, however, his true feelings are that he bears a lot of resentment towards kalim, and that he wants to stand out - he just wasn’t allowed to, as he can never surpass kalim.

in this essay i want to cover not just my personal interpretation of jamil, but also some common misconceptions that people tend to have about him. twitter doesn’t have this problem as much, but with tumblr i’ve found that there are very few jamil stans, especially in the theory and writing communities - meaning it’s quite common for people to misunderstand his character. in the fandom as a whole, it’s common for people to only acknowledge him insofar as “gay for kalim”.

firstly, jamil’s character development in the main story - i would say he’s arguably the best-developed character in twst, since yana now has enough chapters available to flesh out characters after their main story arc ended. jamil holds very deep-seated resentment against kalim, to the point that he plotted to betray him for probably several years. he plotted to have kalim not just thrown out of nrc, but thoroughly ruin his reputation in the process. after his overblot, those feelings did not magically vanish - far from it. i think earlier twst chapters suffered from arcs being wrapped up a little too neatly post-overblot, but pomefiore’s arc has already proved itself to be the exception and thoroughly covers not just jamil’s continued dislike for kalim, but also the wider consequences for what he did.

since the twst school year begins in september, we know jamil is about 9 months older than kalim. from literally the day kalim was born, jamil’s life has been dedicated to kalim. possibly since the day jamil was born, and he was always fated to be kalim’s caretaker. it may even have been the reason he was born at all. either way, it’s not like he remembers those 9 months. all jamil has ever known is that his sole purpose must be to serve kalim. he must not have desires of his own, he must not do anything for himself - from childhood he was expected to be ready to give up his life for kalim at a moment’s notice. he can’t be good at anything - kalim must always be better (i’ll cover this in more depth in a later paragraph, this philosophy is key to his character). his own parents drilled this into him, even going to the extent of hitting him if he didn’t comply. it seems he has a normal relationship with his family despite this - he bickers with his sister like regular siblings, and pre-overblot he indicated that his desire to be free from servitude wasn’t just about him, he wanted to free his family. nonetheless, the psychological damage his childhood caused him is severe. is it any wonder his unique magic is mind control, when he’s never had an ounce of control over his own life?

moving onto his early teen years, we know both jamil and kalim were severely poisoned at one point, both falling into comas for around two weeks. although we don’t have a timeframe for jamil’s coma, we know kalim’s was when they were around 13 years old. if jamil’s was around this age too - probably a short while afterwards - i think it’s plain to see why jamil’s resentment began to build. he’d have been around the age where he first started to question why his life has to revolve around kalim. why should he be expected to die for someone he doesn’t even like, who’s spoiled and doesn’t realise how much jamil does for him? kalim takes everything for granted: status, friendships, freedom, and jamil is meanwhile left in the shadows with nothing. then one day kalim gets poisoned so badly he falls into a coma - how much do you want to bet jamil was blamed for that, at the age of 13? after that he’s expected to taste-test anything kalim eats beforehand, and eventually starts making all his meals for him because the risk of poison is so high otherwise. then one day he slips up, or it’s an undetectable poison, and jamil is the one to fall into a coma. is anyone blamed for that? does anyone pity jamil outside of his immediate family + kalim? no, probably not. after all, he’s just doing his duty, right? it’s truly… no wonder jamil’s resentment became so intense. he finally has proof that his life truly does not matter. although kalim certainly cares about him, he doesn’t understand jamil’s position. he sees jamil as a friend, an equal; jamil knows this can never be the case, and he also knows kalim is too privileged to ever hope to understand.

fast forward on a couple of years to jamil receiving his nrc acceptance letter. he thinks that finally, finally he’s going to be free. four years of freedom - and who knows, maybe after that he can be free forever! he can finally excel at his classes and be his true self, without fear of upstaging kalim!

and then kalim gets accepted a month late. for no reason other than his surname.

and then kalim gets sorted into his dorm.

it’s a miracle he didn’t just overblot on the spot - but that’s his nature as a scarabia student. careful foresight and planning. this moment was, undoubtedly, the moment he started planning his betrayal. he had his one month of freedom ripped away, just like that.

oh, don’t forget the fact that not long after, kalim was made dorm leader not because he notably embodies scarabia values at all, but because of nepotism. (side note: most scarabia stans agree kalim does actually reflect scarabia values, just not as obviously as jamil does, but either way jamil himself wouldn’t see it this way. this is a jamil essay so i won’t go in depth about this unless asked to!)

under kalim’s watch, scarabia - known for its intelligence and cunning - is turned into “the party dorm”. this seems to be the fandom’s perception of them too - i mean, just ask any non-scarabia stan what goes on in scarabia, that’s probably the answer they’ll give you. jamil would have probably loved the original scarabia; although we don’t know much about it, we know scarabia students are on a par with octavinelle when it comes to intelligence (paralleling azul’s constant interest in jamil). yet by winter break, scarabia is doing so badly in those same exams that they didn’t even place in the rankings…? without meaning to, kalim clearly harmed scarabia. instead of getting chance to study magic and show off, jamil is now essentially an unpaid, full-time party planner by the time his second year starts.

a few months later, winter break finally arrives, and jamil executes his plan to dethrone kalim. i may have just spent the last two pages defending jamil’s grudge, but his actions themselves are still indefensible. there’s evidence to suggest kalim knew what was occurring on some level - refusing to answer jade’s question about who was hypnotising him proved that 1) he probably had some idea deep down that jamil was betraying him 2) he doesn’t want jamil to get in trouble for it. nonetheless, this does not make what jamil did okay in the slightest, even if kalim allowed it to happen. jamil is, undoubtedly, the bad guy in this situation, no matter how sympathetic his childhood makes you feel. i could go into detail about why kalim acted the way he did, but again, this is jamil-focused.

i’ll skip talking about his overblot, because i covered his hatred for kalim in a lot of depth already and i want to talk about the general aspects of his personality like his desire for praise later on. so moving onto the end of chapter 4, we see jamil’s true self: a snarky, heavily opinionated boy who honestly just wants to be free to be himself.

but just like his freedom, that side of jamil once again only lasts for a brief moment. jamil almost loses everything after his overblot. practically every scarabia student hates him and wants him thrown out of the dorm - even kalim, his sole defender, can’t call him a good person. he’s a traitor. he says he trusts the scarabia students to work out that it’s better for them if he stays, but that day won’t come any time soon, and until then he’s keeping his distance from them all, because their hatred is that strong. if azul truly had been streaming to more people than just jade, his life would have been ruined beyond repair. so what does jamil do? he goes back to serving kalim. as a scarabia student, his foresight is good enough that he knows the option he hates the most is the only one that’ll be good for him in the end. for jamil, being himself is nothing short of a death sentence.

now i’ve talked for far too long about the timeline of his character arc, i can finally get to the good stuff: jamil’s personality, and how it’s changed throughout the stories we’ve seen so far.

the first thing that springs to mind when you think of jamil, other than “snake”, is probably “tired”. or “he’s going to snap”. something along those lines. which... yes, we know he is. he did snap. after chapter 4, this doesn’t seem to have changed too much, but i do get the impression that he’s somewhat less stressed out by kalim. his resentment has dissipated, for the most part (he does still openly insult him, though), so while he does grumble at kalim there’s no suppressed fury behind it. what replaced that fury?

guilt.

in 5-10, jamil tells azul that he intends to continue to obediently follow kalim around in order to restore his reputation, both inside and outside of scarabia. this does of course make him sound pretty selfish (as per usual), and in classic jamil fashion he doesn’t let his true emotions show, so it’s easy to take this at face value and assume he just doesn’t really care. i think in this case, we need to look more at his actions that we see throughout chapter 5. namely, the way it’s being emphasised how he’s silently watching kalim from afar - something he’s always done, yes, but yana seems to be really making a point of it in chapter 5. it’s not just kalim he’s distancing himself from, either. he’s staying away from the rest of the scarabia students too, as mentioned earlier. he never had any friends at all to rely on, even before his overblot. so by doing this, he’s effectively completely isolating himself. he clearly has a lot of thoughts about everything that he’s not sharing with anyone - just listen to the way he sighs at the end of the flashback in 5-10, how annoyed and frustrated he seems. if jamil was telling the truth about just wanting to restore his reputation, he’d probably appreciate kalim’s efforts, even if he dislikes kalim himself. he shouldn’t be upset by kalim persuading the scarabia students to give him another chance. not if he truly just wants to get back to normal. i think on some level, jamil feels incredibly guilty over his actions. he might not have even admitted to himself yet that he feels this way, and by saying things like “i just want to restore my reputation” he’s just trying to convince himself. after all, that’s something he has a history of doing.

ever since jamil’s first introduction, we’ve known jamil lives his life by the philosophy of “not standing out is the best way to succeed”. he hates standing out or receiving any kind of positive attention at all, because he thinks that it’ll only attract trouble. or so we thought, because as we learned from his overblot, jamil desperately wants to stand out. he’s powerful and intelligent, and he wants people to acknowledge that. he wants the praise and recognition he knows he deserves. this means that whenever he said he didn’t want to stand out, he was lying through his teeth - he probably constantly tried and failed to convince himself of this throughout his childhood. during his lab SR story, he even repeats it to himself in his thoughts, like a mantra - “I want to avoid standing out. I can’t be satisfied with this. I cannot be too good, nor fall behind, and neither should I get satisfactory grades or fail. This is the best shortcut to success.”. much like his feelings of guilt, jamil refused to acknowledge how much he truly wanted to show off, even in his own thoughts. he is awful at being honest to himself.

post-ch5, we find out that despite everything, jamil does still hold this philosophy, to some extent. he of course shows off his singing and dancing skills enough to be chosen as a main vocalist, and he says he wants to make a name for himself and show various people just how talented he truly is: kalim, his family, the asims and MC, to name a few. yet in the chapter before that, when kalim compliments his singing and dancing, he’s like “i don’t really want to stand out, but…”. which is honestly a little confusing at first because he does want to. i’d probably interpret it as something along the lines of he wants to show off to the people he cares about, but he still wants to keep his head down in general. so i think that to some extent, maybe he actually has internalised that philosophy now. the one time he truly expressed his desire to stand out, it ended in catastrophe for him. he has this tiny seed of doubt within him now, telling him his parents were right all along. but... he’s working past it, and applying himself as and when he’s comfortable doing so.

going back to him being bad at being honest, jamil’s a pretty big tsundere. there’s one person he does regularly receive praise from: kalim. yet despite desperately wanting to be praised, he often gets annoyed at kalim and tells him something like “this isn’t about me right now” or “what does that have to do with anything?”. plus when the praise is coming from kalim, it’s often in the context of kalim praising him to other people - as a servant, he can’t be seen accepting all these compliments, right? he can never be better than kalim. so he has to reject kalim’s praise. when it’s just the two of them alone, though, is when jamil gets embarrassed to the point he has to hide his blush under his hood. given his childhood, chances are that he doesn’t really know how to process being praised. he knows he wants people’s approval, but when he actually gets it, he just short-circuits. it was the same at his birthday celebration; although he wants to be the centre of attention, when it actually happens, he gets all embarrassed and tsun. i was trying not to let my own personal feelings spill in this but oh my god he’s so cute i can’t

next... this isn’t really linked to any previous topic, but i want to talk about jamil’s cooking! jamil cooks all of kalim’s meals, and regularly cooks entire feasts for kalim’s parties, too (as well as being in charge of getting any animals kalim wants to show off, decorating the dorm, making sure everything runs smoothly… you get the idea). his cooking is very good, and he has a lot of technical knowledge about cooking too - azul, whose parents run a restaurant, didn’t know about emulsification, but jamil was able to explain it to him. despite being so good, though, according to his dorm SSR homescreen lines he doesn’t actually like cooking very much. he says the fact that he cooks so much is “just how things turned out”. of course, he could just be being a tsun, but i do feel like he’s being honest with this - what reason does he have to seriously enjoy something he was forced into doing his entire life? However there is evidence that he might enjoy it after all; he’s particularly good at alchemy because of his cooking knowledge, and according to magical archives he’s completely neutral in motivation for both flying and history lessons, but has slightly higher motivation levels for alchemy, indicating that he can’t stop himself from putting a little bit extra effort into that class. i think it can be interpreted either way with the canon info we have currently, but regardless i would not say he’s the cooking fanatic people often depict him as.

also, when jamil cooks, although his cooking is good, visually it’s usually very boring, to the point he and his sister would bicker over it. he has the technical skills to cook good food, but no idea how to present it. similarly, in his fairy gala SR he was told that although he perfectly memorised the dance, it was boring to watch - it looked like he was just executing the routine without any passion behind it. jamil is so emotionally repressed that he has no idea how to express his individuality. even in his bedroom, the only truly personal items he owns are a first aid kit (related to his servant position, not him as a human being) and a stereo + headphones set for dancing. he doesn’t have any other hobbies or interests - he doesn’t even know what people his age do for fun, because he’s never been allowed to think about such things.

dancing is all jamil has that’s not directly related to serving kalim, really - but even that ties into his servant status. although he genuinely enjoys it nowadays and dances by himself for fun, he only picked it up as a hobby because kalim wanted to go to dance practice, and of course jamil had to accompany him. when his flashback after his overblot talks about him deliberately losing to kalim, the story focuses specifically on a dancing competition. which is why it’s honestly so important to jamil’s character that chapter 5 focuses on a singing and dancing competition. jamil finally has the chance not just to show off his skills in general, but his skills at the one thing he’s been allowed to love throughout his life. the one thing where losing to kalim at it hurt so much that it was such a prominent memory for him. when jamil was chosen as a main vocalist, he instinctively tries to say kalim would be better suited for the position, but stops himself and accepts it. it clearly means so much to him that he was chosen for this.

okay i started to scare people with how long this was getting when it was only 50% finished, i think if i write anymore people will actually be concerned for my health so i’ll leave it here. if you read all of this, thank you so much for putting up with my anime boy brainrot for over six full pages! i really.. really like jamil. again, i most certainly do not think his actions should be defended, but god if they’re not fascinating to read about. and i hope i covered the other sides to him well enough, the things that you’d never ordinarily pick up on because so few people talk about him outside of him and kalim as a pair (both platonic scarabia + romantic jamikali, i mean). he has so much depth to him that people don’t see and god i could easily have gone on for another few pages if i wasn’t forcing myself to stop. but please please talk to me if you want to hear more...

yana has treated him so well, jamil stans get too much food if anything but i’m absolutely thriving off it as you can see! thank you for allowing him to exist, yana-sensei!

having said that, i couldn’t stop myself from adding some extra facts about him below. please enjoy.

some fun jamil facts for your soul:

his sister used to bake him cookies on his birthday - specifically, these!

when jamil and kalim went to eat at the cafeteria with ruggie and leona, leona took one look at jamil and went “you look like you’d kill kalim in his sleep”

sebek and jamil find each other’s positions enviable. sebek wishes he could have been by malleus’ side from birth as jamil was with kalim, and jamil just… wishes he served someone he respected as deeply as sebek respects malleus (but he does think sebek is too enthusiastic)

jamil hates surprises with a burning passion, and despite being with kalim for 17 years is still not used to them. for his previous birthday, kalim held a huge surprise party, and i think he still hasn’t recovered from the shock

i think a lot of people already know that in his birthday SSR story he said he wanted a parrot after graduation so he could teach it to call him master, but it goes a bit further than that? it was actually first mentioned during his lesson chats, when kalim gets a parrot. jamil has to research how to care for it, and ended up wanting one of his own afterwards (but got too tsundere to admit it at the time).

also, he heard that the sorcerer of the sands’ parrot (iago) could speak as fluently as a human, and he got excited and watched a bunch of parrot videos on magicam, but was of course disappointed to find out that this was not the case.

he frequently uses flattery to try and get his way, like when he attempts to flatter vil during his SSR story - unfortunately he misjudged vil, as vil’s actually the type of person who hates meaningless flattery. because he does this so frequently, when he genuinely does give compliments people don’t always believe him.

according to the halloween event, jamil is surprisingly environmentally conscious, and insists on holding a sustainable halloween theme. after organising so many parties and seeing the waste they probably produce, i think there’s no wonder he’s so concerned about it.

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twst jamil #scarabia #twst #kalim al-asim #twst kalim #i'm a busy uni student so don't expect the kalim essay to be finished anytime soon #i procrastinated way too much writing the jamil one #and i would not do the same for kalim ajdfjshsjhs #also i know people have said they'd like to see my take on other charas but please consider:#the only reason i have this deep an insight into jamil's character is bc i never think about the others #there's only jamil in my head #so i don't think i'm the best person to go to for interesting analysis about anyone else #but again who knows #tw: abuse

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vtforpedro · 3 years ago

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health update - long post

hi everyone! I think it's been a month and a half or so since my last update I saw a rheumatologist, had MRIs done, and got my results back from my hematologist SO cancer: still undetectable in my blood, check every 3 months and hope it doesn't show up for a long time lol \o/ I don't think I can say I'm in remission until a certain amount of time has passed but I hope I can say that one day MRIs: actually show some possible improvement with the chiari and spinal fluid flow? and if there IS improvement (like the radiologist who wrote the report had the MRI from a year ago as reference and his findings were all 'normal' compared to april 2020, but it was hard to get an answer out of my neurologist and neurosurgeon if there was solid evidence of physical improvement). but yeah IF there's improvement, that is highly indicative of IIH because my neurosurgeon told me when people with IIH lose weight, the chiari often corrects itself because there's less pressure and more room in the skull for the cerebellar tonsils to be in a normal position. regular chiari that you're born with doesn't do that lol so if there IS improvement with weight loss, then yeah, IIH. even if they don't wanna put in the diagnostic code for it without a lumbar puncture sigh lol I hate typing this because I'm so paranoid it'll all go to shit if I talk about it, but there have been improvements as I've lost weight. I seem to have a couple weeks where my head isn't so severe, mostly manageable with a few awful days. then I'll have a few weeks of it being Really Really bad with a few not-so-awful days. which IIH can do this sort of 'remission' thing but considering it was like 24/7 with no breaks for a year I'd say this is moving in the direction I want it to completely changed my diet a handful of months ago and adjusting it still to be even healthier/more fulfilling. I started using the Noom app (paid sub version) cause it's so focused on psychology instead of 'dieting' and building habits that are sustainable in the long, long-term. I really love it so far. the routine of doing it at the same time every day has already made me feel better mentally about my weight loss journey despite my struggles with losing weight, I am officially down 20lbs \o/ they say for improving/curing IIH, you need to lose 10-20% of your body weight. well, 10% down! time to lose another 20, but I don't find it intimidating and I'm not dreading it. it's hard to have hope, especially on really bad weeks, but I'm taking it one day at a time. definitely not cured but I'm aiming for 40lbs more (so 60 altogether) and by then, maybe, just maybe.... rheumatologist/autoimmune disorder results: so I went to a rheum cause I got that positive autoimmune disorder blood test with the possibility of lupus or scleroderma. she said that she gets so many hematology patients because leukemia and lymphoma have blood antibodies, so it will almost always show up as positive on this antibody test and most people actually won't have an additional autoimmune disorder. I don't have a lot of symptoms of lupus or scleroderma according to her, so she told me don't worry about autoimmune disorders for three months. don't think about them. we'll repeat labs then and see what they say. so that's good news so far and I hope it remains that way 15%+ of the population will test positive on the same test without having any health issues, which I found interesting. and I asked since I already have an autoimmune disorder, tho it's endocrine versus rheumatic, if that would also trigger a positive result and she said yes it would! so yeah... I hope by late July I can still say I don't have an additional autoimmune disorder I see a gastroenterologist tomorrow for the bloating/abdominal pain and other stuff I've been having. I have a feeling I'll be given some antacids (or w/e they're called when it's prescription strength) and that will improve. but jfc I'm up to eight specialists now lol NINE doctors are following my health god it's such a shitty feeling especially when I can barely trust any of them. at

least they all believe me now, but it cost me my quality of life and mental health to even get to this point so I'm still feeling pretty fucking bitter and angry about it all you know what's really hard about completely changing my diet + starting new medications/supplements? for some reason at the beginning of all of this when I was experiencing repeated trauma at the ER, my brain developed a phobia of allergic reactions, despite the fact that I've never had one for food/medicine (I'm talking anaphylactic reactions). so now every single new thing I eat, every new med or supplement, I go through panic attacks for days on end thinking I'm going to die before it starts easing. also, anxiety makes your throat feel like it's closing up and that it's harder to breathe already so lmao fun times. I literally never thought about this in all my life and I never even experienced an allergic reaction to develop this intense fear, so you know. fuck doctors for putting me through this when it was all so unnecessary sigh anyway. still can't watch videos, tv, movies, read, bend over, walk for longer than 5 minutes, and can't talk for long either because it'll trigger a head episode. I'm terrified I won't be able to do these things ever again, but I'm still aiming for my goal weight no matter what and I know I can get there bouncing between misery and hopelessness, and slightly less misery and some hope right now, but I guess that's better than it's been for a year, right? sorry for rambling. I feel like a lot has gone on but I've also had the biggest gaps between doc appts in a while which is a relief just because I can't stand being in medical buildings or around doctors anymore completely vaccinated too, so that's another relief, but I'm wearing masks until americans get their heads out of their asses and we start seeing little to no community spread cause I am still immunocompromised. wouldn't it be nice if people like, idk, cared about each other ok sorry! I hope you're all well and healthy and safe. I love you very much and I'm grateful for your support, forever and always! <3

#medical #personal #long post #i'm so fucking tired guys #just absolutely exhausted 24/7 #i desperately need therapy because my mental health is HOO not good not good at all #whenever i can finally talk long enough to have therapy I'm gonna ask them to send the bill to all of the doctors that ruined me lmao

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago

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The Last Promise ~ JJK [Request]

↬↬↬Word Count: 3.9K

↬↬↬Genre: ANGST, Sad ending, mentions of death, blood, car accident, heart conditions

↬↬↬Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader

↬↬↬ A/N: The original request was for Y/N to have an illness I can’t and will never write about and they said this would be okay to change so I hope this is okay for you.

The sun was shining through the curtains in the kitchen so brightly that Jungkook could barely read the report he was supposed to be working on for work that morning.

"You've got a letter, I think it's from Y/n," Jisoo's voice didn't sound best pleased with the fact that you had written him a letter Jungkook was just as confused about it as she was. He hadn't heard from you in months but now all of a sudden you were writing him and handwritten letter?

"I wonder what it is?" He questioned but Jisoo had no time to sit and talk about what the letter from you could and couldn't be about, she was late to work so she gave him and a quick kiss before leaving the apartment that they were sharing together now. He groaned flicking open the envelope. He was met with your usual handwriting and he smiled as he saw the way you wrote his name was still the same in the cute handwriting you had. It made his heart lurch as he remembered all the notes you used to put on his lunch for work.

Jungkook,

Before you throw this letter down and discard it along with everything else I thought you held close to you, you need to read all of this and read it properly. There's something you need to know about why I didn't give you the blood that day in the hospital...The day my whole life came falling apart ...

The machine you were laid inside was doing the routine beeping that it always did, you'd been in and out of the machine so much that it no longer scared you when you had to go for a screening. The beeps always used to scare you, made you feel like there was something else wrong with you.

"Everything looks okay Y/n," The doctor called out over the beeping, the machine began to wind down and you could hear everything inside of it shutting off before you were pulled out by a nurse who handed you a glass of water before leaving the room. Your doctor came out from behind his glass screen holding a clipboard and pen at the ready,

"Are you still taking the medications?" The doctor was doing his job you knew that but the questions were always boring, asking the same routine questions that he had to do once a month while you gave him all of the same answers that you'd been doing for the last four years.

"Yes," You whispered showing him the box of pills that you kept in your handbag, you took so many different pills in the day it was no wonder that you didn't rattle whenever you took a step anywhere.

"Are they effecting you any differently?" You shook your head even though it wasn't an answer he wanted, he wanted words to come from your lips not just a simple nodding of the head.

"No side effects. I'm fine like I have been for the last four years." You mumbled putting on your shoes as you jumped down from the bed you'd been sitting on. You put it down to it being his job to be this protective over his patients but you hadn't had a problem in the last four years yet you still had to take pills every day and would have to for the rest of your life thanks to the Dilated Cardiomyopathy that made your heart weaker than most peoples. It made your life a little harder than most but you weren't going to sit back and let it get you down you weren't going to let it hold you back from anything either,

"Are you still doing your regular exercises?" He meant the swimming he'd suggested to you, promising you that it was the only sport that would be good for your ''condition'' without damaging you or your body or making your heart any worse.

"I go swimming once a week with my boyfriend, speaking of which I'm late." He rolled his eyes playfully at you and told you to go writing down the answers he knew to his questions, you'd been seeing him for so long he was more like a friend than a doctor but he was close to you. Private care wasn't cheap but it was the only way to get the treatment you needed for your weakened heart with someone who would take all of this seriously with you.

"Hey Kookie, I know I'm late and you're driving but call me when you get this." You said into his answer phone as you made your way out of the hospital and towards the exit doors, he was supposed to be meeting you at a local park before you went out on a date. He didn't know about your heart condition, you and he had only been together for a year and you didn't want to tell him. Though your family had all told you it was something he needed to know you didn't want to risk him treating you like you were made of glass all of a sudden. That was how everyone else treated you. Like you were something that was bound to break at any second when it couldn't have been any further from the truth. As long as you were taking your medications, eating right and behaving like someone who wanted to live you would be fine. No one had to know. Especially not Jungkook.

"Y/n?!" Your best friends voice came through the phone panicked after you finally picked up her call, you'd had 15 missed calls from her along with some voicemails but you'd assumed they weren't anything important until you heard her sobs,

"What's wrong? I was just in an appointment." She didn't know either, no one knew except family and even then it had only been your parents along with your siblings since they had been the ones to find you when you got sick.

"Do you not check the news?! Or your Phone?!" She screamed at you from down the other end of the phone and you knew it was urgent, she'd never spoken to you like this unless something was really bothering her.

"What's wrong?" You froze outside the hospital doors when you saw an ambulance parked up outside, your best friend standing in a cream dress as she was covered in blood.

"W-What are you doing here?! What happened?!" Your phone dropped to the floor smashing against the pavement as she turned around to see you standing there, her face was covered in blood as if she'd been the one to get hurt but the way she was standing it couldn't have been her.

"It's not me, it's Jungkook." As soon as his name left her lips panic washed over your body, the amount of blood she was covered in meant it wasn't good. The ambulance and rushing workers were adding up to something terrible happening. Your body went into shock, freezing you from working as she wasted no time in asking why you were already in the hospital you'd told them before that you did volunteer work there from time to time, she began rushing you through the building ignoring your constant questioning about what was wrong with Jungkook and why she was covered in presumably his blood.

"Jisoo!" You screamed slamming your foot down against the tiled floor in the hallway you demand answers from her instead of the whimpers she was letting out. All you'd managed to get from her were the few words,

"Car, accident, blood, surprise, and dying." So your mind wasn't putting the best case scenario right in front of you right now.

"Jisoo please," You begged her looking into her eyes with your giant pleading ones waiting for some kind of answer that would make sense and didn't make your heart thud against your chest and make it hurt. Stress wasn't good for you but right now stress was all you were getting from her,

"Jungkook. We were driving to the park, we were going to surprise you when...When this car it...It came out of nowhere Y/n." The worst thing your brain could come up with was that it was him involved in the accident but if he was so badly injured why hadn't your friend been?

"Why aren't you hurt?" She shook her head,

"He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, he smashed his...Oh my god, his head." She broke down into tears and a doctor came out of the room from behind you,

"We've managed to keep him stable, are any of you a match for his blood type?" Jisoo looked at you knowing that you were an identical match and so was she,

"I-I am but I can't-" She scoffed at you,

"She's scared of a little needle but we're both a match we can donate." A doctor lead you into another small room that was on the same hallway, a nurse then began getting you and your friend ready to take some blood from you,

"I can't do this, please I have to talk to someone first-" Your best friend began grumbling something under her breath at you but you ignored her pulling a nurse to the side to tell her about the medications you were on. Some of the prevented you from donating your blood and you knew that if Jungkook got your blood it could fuck him up even more than he already was from the accident.

When Jungkook woke up the next day his eyes met yours and you smiled sweetly in his direction rubbing your fingers over his knuckles in a soothing way, you'd come to a decision while he was under that you were going to tell him the real reason why you hadn't been able to donate your blood to him. It was going to have to be told sooner or later and you would rather have him know now rather than never knowing.

"Kookie," You breathed seeing his eyes staring at you but he didn't respond to the nickname as he usually would. Normally the nickname you had for him was met with a giant smile back or at least an acknowledgement this time it was as if hearing the nickname you had for him caused him pain, you were going to put it down to the accident until the door opened.

"I brought us some cookies, water for your stomach and then I- Oh. Y/n." You frowned hearing the confused tone coming from your best friend, Jungkook had been out for a day and you'd gone home to get him some clothes.

"What?" You whispered standing up from the chair, you saw the look that she was giving Jungkook and it filled you with dread.

"I was just- wondering what you were doing here." She placed the food and drink down onto a table in the room, Jungkook tried to speak but it was as if his voice was going. Which was happening due to the amount of sleep he'd been getting since the accident.

"You haven't done it yet?"

"Done what yet?" You questioned as she directed the question at your boyfriend, you already knew what was coming. You could feel it in the pit of your stomach that something bad was about to happen, his eyes locked onto yours again and this time you were met with sadness behind them,

"Jungkook?"

"Jisoo can you give us some space please?" He grumbled at her and she left the room, not giving you a second glance as she threw her hair over her shoulder.

"You wouldn't give me your blood-"

"Yeah, and I have a very good reason-"

"Why? Were you just going to let me bleed out and die on the hospital floor!?" You knew he was angry but you wanted him to know why you hadn't donated before he began yelling at you, your chest was already starting to hurt from the yelling and the look he was giving you.

"Jisoo! She risked herself giving me more blood than she was supposed to!" Jisoo had given him a lot of blood you knew that but that wasn't your fault, you couldn't give him your blood unless he wanted to die that way.

"Jungkook please let me explain-"

"Explain what?! Jisoo already did it for you! You wanted me to die, didn't you? It would save you having to break up with me, but look" I'm doing it for you. We're over." What he was saying didn't make any sense, why would you break up with him when you adored him? You loved everything about him and he thought you'd let him just die.

"Jungkook are you even listening to yourself!? Why would I break up with you-" The door opened and Jisoo was standing there looking pretty proud of herself, so much for friendship.

"You're not supposed to cause him stress, it can make him worse. She walked over to his side of the bed and ran her hand over his forehead as if she'd done it a million times before, it only made the stabbing pain in your chest worse to watch the way they acted together.

Days had passed by in the blink of an eye, you'd spent a week trying to get everything out of your shared apartment with Jungkook before he got home from the hospital - they'd kept him over to make sure he was recovering well from the blood transfusion. You wanted to get out of there before he and Jisoo came back from the hospital but you were unlucky in that, they'd come home right as you were putting the final boxes into the boot of your car. Seeing them together broke your heart and not just in the descriptive way of the word but in the physical sense too. Once they saw you there they kissed in front of you as if trying to add salt into the wound Jisoo knew what she was doing and she was going to make sure you knew damn well that you'd missed out on Jungkook, you cried the whole drive back to your parent's house where you were greeted with open arms. You'd half expected them to tell you they told you so but it never came mostly because they were too afraid to make this worse for you.

"You can talk to me about this sweetie, I understand what you're going through." Your mother whispered one night as you laid awake on the sofa, you were watching some random reality show that was on the TV. Your family was worried about you, all of the stress could have lead to something seriously wrong with your heart.

"I'm fine, mum." You lied sitting up from the sofa and turning to face the stairs debating going up them to sleep or just to pass out on the sofa like you had done the night before and the night before that,

"I'm just tired." Another lie. The whole time you'd been back in the family home you'd done nothing but sleep, hoping that somehow you would wake up and all of this would be some kind of highly realistic dream and was one of the side effects from your medication but that never came.

"I know something is wrong and that's fine, your best friend just stole your boyfriend." You knew your mother was only trying to make things better but in turn, was somehow making everything feel so much worse.

"I'm fine, I'm going to go to bed." Her hand on your wrist stopped you from moving away from her and your eyes landed on the floor,

"You forgot your meds," You took the box she was holding out for you and headed towards the staircase, everything was hitting you hard. The thought of never taking your meds again was crawling back into your brain, convincing you that there was no need for them but there was every need. Your father sat down beside you mum holding her in his arms as she sobbed against his chest, your heart wouldn't be able to handle this if you kept this act up and they were concerned for you.

A few months had passed by and things weren't getting any easier, it was getting harder for you to get up every day when you were faced with Jisoo and Jungkook everywhere, your brother had begun talking about them a lot whenever he thought you weren't around. You'd gone for a walk to the shop to clear your head and to pick up a refill on your medication, you were sick of the constant questioning from your mother and father along with your brother's comments about Jungkook, you didn't hold it against him for breaking up with you but you wished he would at least listen to your reasoning behind not giving him any of your blood.

"That's what I said? She's nothing but a selfish money grabber." You frowned hearing Jisoo's voice in the shop you were in, you were around the corner picking out some fruit for the night to munch on since junk food wasn't good for you.

"Babe she wasn't that bad-" Jungkook was there too and their voices sounded like they were coming closer, you were going to be cornered in the middle of a supermarket full of people. Coming face to face with your ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend wasn't something you'd put on the top of your to-do list that day.

"There she is now, why don't we ask her," You wanted the ground to swallow you whole as soon as you heard Jisoo acknowledge your presence within the store. Jungkook looked at you and once he locked eyes you knew he was like a whole new person now, you were met with a cold stare from him as he raised his eyebrows as if challenging you to try and defend yourself. As you tried to come up with something to say you began to stumble over your words and dropped the basket onto the floor you were carrying, everything spilt onto the floor including the medication which you grabbed before making a quick exit.

"Runaway! Just like you always did you, coward!" Jisoo screamed but Jungkook had seen the medication bottle you grabbed and wondered what you were doing with it, he remembered you being the healthiest person in the world when you were together. Your mother watched in horror as you came in that night and threw your meds onto the floor, running away exclaiming that you no longer wanted them anymore, it only made her and your father worried for you more.

They had every right to be worried less than a month later you were laid up in a hospital bed with your family gathered around you, some were crying while others acted as though they weren't bothered. Your body was hooked up to so many different machines that you'd made a joke to your younger brother that you were turning into a robot - it was an attempt at cheering him up though it hadn't worked very well he ended up crying and never wanting to go back to your room again. The worst part of all of this was that you knew you were going and you knew you were going to die sometime this week,

"Mum, can you get me some of the stationary from my bag? Please," You whispered looking at her as she glanced up from her book. She had been the only one not to leave your side throughout the process she felt like it was her fault since she'd been the one to find you on the bathroom floor.

"What for?" The pad of paper was placed down in front of you as you sat up in the bed, you took the pen she was giving you and wrote his name in big bold writing along the front of the envelope.

"Y/n...Is that wise?" She only wanted what was best for you,

"Mum...We both know I don't have much time left." Was all you said to her before you began writing the letter, everything you'd been thought of feeling since the breakup and that day in the hospital.

Jungkook was crying as he stared at the last couple sentences of the paper in his hands, the letter had read like some kind of book to him. As if he'd been there when everything you'd said had happened.

If you're reading this and my mum didn't mess up the timing today is the day of my funeral, I didn't want you there but not out of spite. Despite everything you and Jisoo put me through for the last couple months of my life I know it wasn't your fault. Neither of you knew about my heart condition and that was on me. I'd originally planned to tell you before Jisoo walked in on us when you were in the hospital but after you ended things I didn't - excuse the pun I guess - have the heart to do that.

Jungkook made his way towards your house a couple of hours later, your mother was waiting on the doorstep for him since he'd called ahead of time.

"I didn't-"

"I know." She whispered not letting him finish his sentence, she knew he had no idea you were sick. She opened her arms for him to be able to hug her before you'd died you'd begged her not to hold it against him for what happened that none of it had been his fault. Anything could have caused your heart to act up the way it did, even your doctor said that it could have been the medications that stopped taking effect, it didn't have to be Jungkook and Jisoo that just happened to coincide with the timing.

"I didn't know if I'd have known-"

"Jungkook before she went she made me promise not to let you blame yourself, she made me promise to look after you." He could imagine it clearly in his head. You sitting on the edge of the bed and making sure everyone else was taken cared of before you even thought of yourself it was what you did, something that you always did because you never wanted to put your needs before anyone else. You put everyone else's needs before your own because you were that type of person, the good kind. Guilt and regret ran through his body as he thought about you being alone on your last couple of days. Images of the way he'd talked about you to people ran through his head, he didn't want to be cruel to you but to him, but the way he'd seen it you'd left him to die instead of giving him the blood he needed to survive looking back on it now he could see why you'd done that.

"You should come inside, get you some hot chocolate." She mumbled standing up from the floor it hadn't been her intention to keep her promise at first but she knew you meant it. You'd loved Jungkook with everything within your body so she wasn't going to disrespect your last wish, she helped him up from the ground and turned him around to face the front door. He knew there was nothing that was ever going to make him feel better after what he'd done to you but he was going to try and make things up by helping your family whenever he could.

Tagline:

@writingdreamsnottragedies @snowy-meowl @jooniesdarlingdimples @lyoongx @lynnthevirgo @fan-ati--c @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @callingmyangel @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie @innersooya

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quickspinner · 4 years ago

Text

Blue Lightning

This is a sequel to Pink Frosting and while it should be mostly self-explanatory, it will make more sense if you read that story first.

Happy birthday to one of our lovely, dedicated fandom cheerleaders and fellow writer, @bloody-no-kissu! I'm a bit late but I hope you enjoy it anyway. <3

This fic was inspired by a few things. One of the @mlweeklyprompts a few weeks back was Trope: Blankets/Shirt Collar Shifting Just Enough To Have Bandages Peeking Out, and there was also this really cool video of a strong lady dancing in roller skates going around, plus it was Bloody's birthday and she inspired the original Pink Frosting fic, so all of those influences just came together to inspire and motivate this fic. I hope you enjoy!

Read it on AO3 | Fiction Master Post

Luka hummed to himself as he left the boat, which wasn’t unusual, but there was an extra bounce in his step as he began the familiar trek to the T&S Bakery. Because it was Wednesday, and Wednesday was his unofficial date night with his extremely very official girlfriend.

Girlfriend. The grin that split his face wasn’t at all in line with his reputation for being calm and easygoing. He and Marinette were dating. Luka would never get tired of that thought. He was dating Marinette and she was his girlfriend and it was everything he’d ever pictured in idle, wistful daydreams.

Man, he felt lucky. He’d been in love with Marinette for years, but no matter how close they became as friends, she never seemed ready to cross that line. Luka had just accepted that it wasn’t going to happen, and tried to just be the best friend he could be to her, right up until she flung herself right across that line and into his arms and kissed the daylights out of him. It still gave him goosebumps thinking about it, even though they’d been dating for months now.

Luka greeted Sabine on his way through the bakery, waving to Tom behind her, and then puffed his way up the frankly indecent number of stairs it took to reach Marinette’s room. Her door was open and he knew she was expecting him, so he just called a greeting as he peeked in cautiously.

“Hi, Luka,” Marinette said distractedly. She was leaning half into her closet, reaching for something above her head. “One sec, I just need to get this down.”

“Do you need a hand?” Luka asked, lips quirking in amusement as he came the rest of the way into the room. Marinette gave him a dirty look over her shoulder and he just grinned innocently back at her, folding his arms across his chest.

“No, I got it,” she grunted, rising up on her toes and catching the edge of the box with the tips of her fingers. Luka’s eyes automatically flicked to the hem of her shirt as it rode up, expecting a glimpse of toned muscle rippling under smooth skin, but that wasn’t the view he got.

“Here we go,” Marinette sighed, bringing her heels back down and turning to set the box on her desk.

Luka was beside her before he’d even made a conscious decision to move. He caught her arm and lifted it out of the way, pulling her shirt up to expose her side.

“Luka!” she gasped, jerking away and shoving her shirt back down, but they both knew it was too late.

Luka straightened and looked at her, lips tight. She blushed and folded her arms, turning away from him a little, tugging the hem of her shirt lower. Not that it mattered. He’d already seen, and as much as he preferred to let Marinette have her space and come to him when she was ready to talk about things...but, well, he was human, and seeing her hurt was not something he could just let go.

“Marinette,” Luka said, his voice tight though he tried to keep it calm. “What happened?”

“Nothing important,” Marinette shrugged, and then she shrank under his gaze. “I just fell.”

“How hard did you fall,” Luka asked, one fist clenching as bad memories flooded in, “That you needed bandages on your ribs?”

Marinette pressed her lips together and stepped back from him a little. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Maybe not,” he sighed, fighting the urge to catch her and pull her back. “I’d like to think by now you should have a little faith that I’ll try, though.”

She blushed at that, and looked ashamed, her gaze falling to her feet. Luka sighed again and forced his fingers open, then tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. “Just tell me, Marinette,” he said, some of the hurt he was trying to hide seeping into his voice. “Do you really feel like whatever happened is so bad that you can’t share it with me? Haven’t I always supported you?”

Her eyes flicked up to the pink-tipped locks falling over his forehead, and she flushed with shame. “Of course you have,” she murmured, shoulders slumping.

“Then please, trust that I’ll be here for you however you need,” Luka urged, letting his hand fall to take hers. He tugged her gently over to her chaise and they sat down together as Luka considered his words. “I’ve always tried to let you talk about things in your own time, but I’m really kind of scared right now. I haven’t seen you hide an injury like this since—” Since she’d been fighting supervillains and bullies on the regular. Not that he was supposed to know about that first part. “Since the bad days.”

“No,” Marinette sighed, bringing her hands up to frame his face. “It’s not—not like that, Luka. It’s just...well...stupid. I feel stupid. I did something stupid and I didn’t want to tell you and now you’re upset with me.”

“I’m upset that you were hiding that you were hurt,” Luka told her, putting his hands over hers. “I—you know I hate to pressure you, but you’re hurt and I’m not feeling very reasonable about it.”

Marinette chewed her lip and looked away with a sigh and a defeated expression. “It’s really not a big deal. Not like you’re thinking anyway. I really did just fall. On my skates.”

Luka blinked. “Your roller skates?” he asked stupidly, and Marinette rolled her eyes at him.

“Yes, my roller skates. I was wearing pads but I...well I was trying a trick I saw one of the other girls do, but I didn’t land it, and I hit the rail on my side, and…” And she had enough experience with rib injuries after everything that happened that she’d just taped herself up and gone on. But—

“So this happened at derby practice?” Luka asked, confused about why she would try to hide it, especially if the rest of the team knew.

Marinette winced. “No. After derby practice. After everyone else was gone.”

Luka’s frown deepened. “You tried a new trick without anyone spotting you? Without anyone even coaching you? While you were alone?”

Marinette sighed, pulling her hands away and turning away from him. “And that’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”

Luka sat there for a moment, lips pressed together, and then he stood up abruptly. “I need a minute,” he said shortly, crossing her room and jerking open the trap door. He went down the stairs quickly, and paced in the living room where he didn’t have to hide the thunderous expression on his face. Part of him wanted to yell at her, to lecture her, to tell her how stupid and irresponsible that had been, and what if she had hit her head and there had been no one there to find her? He knew from his own ice skating experience that you couldn’t just pick up a jump without coaching, without having someone to break it down for you and show you how to achieve it safely.

And why would she do something like that, especially after how hard she had to work to convince her friends and family that she could be trusted on skates at all without killing herself? She finally convinced them, all of them, that she wasn’t a disaster waiting to happen, that she could actually be good at something physical. Luka had seen it; he’d been there at every bout and seen the way her friends had slowly gone from skepticism to grudging respect to enthusiasm.

Finally, Luka stopped pacing and put his hands over his face, taking a moment to breathe and calm down. He needed to hear Marinette out and freaking out wasn’t going to do anybody any good. The last thing he wanted to do was damage her trust in him.

She looked miserable when he came back into her room, curled in on herself, one hand on her injured side and staring at the floor. It broke his heart a little and Luka sighed to himself as he crossed over to her, sitting back down in his place beside her. He cupped her cheek and raised her face so he could look in her eyes. Her lashes were wet and he hated it.

Luka leaned in slowly, giving her time to pull away if she liked, but she only closed her eyes and let her cheek sink more solidly into his palm. Luka kissed her softly, and she pressed into him, clutching at his hoodie for a moment. He slipped his other arm carefully around her and focused on his feelings for her, kissing her as tenderly as he knew how. I’m here, he thought at her, I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe and I love you. I won’t leave you.

Slowly she relaxed against him, tension easing out of her as they kissed and kissed again. She got like this, sometimes, afraid she would suddenly be too much for him, that he couldn’t possibly love her at her lowest—as if he hadn’t loved her through every up and down for years, even if they’d only gotten together recently. Luka was happy to reassure her in any way she needed.

When the kissing wound down to an easy, natural end, Marinette buried her face in his shoulder. Luka held her, rubbing her upper back softly, staying well away from the bandages. “Can you tell me why now?” he asked softly, after a few minutes.

Marinette groaned. “It’s stupid.”

“Tell me anyway.”

Marinette sighed and pulled away from him, going over to grab her tablet from her desk. She brought it back with her and plopped down next to him, pulling up a video.

Luka watched the video, recognizing Marinette’s roller derby team by the uniforms, though the faces weren’t people he knew. They were on the rink but it wasn’t a bout; it looked more like a dance. The video shifted and showed what looked more like a skills drill, people weaving in and out of obstacles, cheering and showboating the whole time.

“The team—well, the whole league, actually—does exhibitions like this,” Marinette explained. “For fundraising or just to get their name out there. This one was a few years ago, but there’s one coming up soon. Some of the girls have been practicing some choreography and things for it, and I just...well that one—” she pointed to the video as a girl pulled off a trick that looked simple, though Luka doubted it really was. “I thought maybe I could do that one. I was the last one leaving the rink anyway, so I just...decided to give it a try.” She made a face. “Obviously, it didn’t go well.”

“Did you tell anyone you wanted to learn some of these tricks?” Luka asked, frowning slightly.

“No,” Marinette admitted quietly. “I guess I...well…I didn’t want any of them to see me mess up. They don’t know clumsy Marinette, except Alix, and I didn’t want to be that person anymore.”

“Marinette,” Luka said softly, sliding his hand up to squeeze her shoulder. “It’s not clumsiness to fall when you try something new. I’ve fallen on the ice rink lots of times. It’s just part of the learning process. You’ve got plenty of strength and flexibility, it’s just teaching your body to do the right things in the right order. If you want to try and be part of the...exhibition team, or whatever you guys call it, then I think that’s a great idea. But I want you to do it safely. If you got hurt, it wasn’t because you aren’t capable, it’s because you didn’t have anyone there to teach you. Do you really think the team will laugh at you? Did they laugh at you when you were first learning to skate the incline rink?”

“No,” Marinette admitted, and then made a face. “Well, sometimes. But not in a mean way.”

Luka kissed her forehead softly. “And they won’t laugh at you in a mean way now. Even if you try and don’t like it, or you’re not any good—which I highly doubt since you’re amazing at everything you really put your mind to—they won’t tease you for it, will they? You’ve been so happy since you started doing roller derby, Marinette. If you want to get involved in more team activities I think that’s awesome.” Marinette gave him a tentative smile, and he smiled back. “If you want, I can come to your next practice. If you just want some moral support while you discuss it with the girls.”

Marinette’s lips turned down. “I should be able to do something like that without you.”

“You’re plenty able,” Luka said, resting his cheek on her hair. “You just don’t have to.”

He felt her sigh and consider. He came to her practices, not regularly, but often enough that no one would think much about it if he was there. He had the impression from the giggling and whispering that the other girls thought it was cute.

“You really wouldn’t mind?” Marinette asked in a small voice, and Luka turned his face and kissed her temple.

“You know I love watching you in those shorts,” he teased, and then yelped as Marinette jabbed an elbow in his gut. “Ow,” he pouted.

“Here I thought we were having a serious emotional conversation and you just want to ogle my butt,” Marinette huffed, folding her arms.

“I learned how to ogle you and carry on a serious conversation at the same time years ago,” Luka teased. “It’s practically a survival skill for teenage boys. Especially those of us lucky enough to have super hot girlfriends.”

***

A few days later, Luka lounged on the bleachers at the rink, a pair of headphones plugged into his guitar as he noodled idly and watched the team. He’d been a little self-conscious at first, but Marinette had been excited the first time he asked to come, and Suzette gave permission, so he tried not to think too hard about the fact that none of the other significant others ever seemed to show up. He grinned and winked at a couple of Marinette’s teammates when he caught them staring. They giggled and waved as they went on their way. The girls all knew he was completely devoted to Marinette, so he felt safe flirting a little, just for fun. Really it was less about the flirting and more about making Marinette look good. He had an inkling that Marinette kind of liked showing him off, which did all sorts of pleasant things to his insides, so he did his best to be charming without being a creep.

When he could spare the attention, at least. He loved watching Marinette on the rink, strong and graceful and confident, now that she’d moved past the initial awkwardness of learning how to move in her skates and building up the muscle she needed. Luka could see, even if Marinette couldn’t always, how much she contributed to the team and—

Something banged on the rail in front of him and he started as Alix grinned at him, eyes knowing under her helmet. “Wake up, Couffaine,” she laughed, banging the back of her pad on the rail again for good measure. “Your lovesick puppy look is distracting everyone.”

“Sorry,” Luka grinned, chuckling. He turned his attention back to his guitar as Alix rolled her eyes and skated off. She caught Marinette around the neck and gave her a vicious noogie, complaining loudly that her boyfriend was getting drool all over the rink. Marinette tossed her off and chased her around the rink. She still wasn’t quite fast enough to catch Alix, but the entire team whooped and started around the rink, and the whole thing became some kind of free for all that Luka couldn’t quite follow, until Suzette intervened and got them back into their drills.

Finally Suzette called that the team was free to go and just the exhibition squad should stay. Luka put aside his guitar and walked out onto the rink, slipping an arm around Marinette’s waist as she skated up to him.

“Ready?” he asked softly, and she nodded. They made their way back to where Suzette was giving instructions, and all eyes turned curiously their way.

“Um,” Marinette began nervously. “I was hoping that maybe I could, um, join the exhibition squad? I know I’m new and I don’t really know that much but I’m a fast learner and I could—” She cut off the ramble as Luka squeezed her hip.

Suzette smiled warmly at her and Alix gave her two thumbs up. “Of course you can,” Suzette told her, and then her smile faltered slightly. “Although I’m not sure if there’s enough time to get you up to speed with the other girls for this exhibition…” She looked down her clipboard, tapping her pen on her lips thoughtfully. “We could have you do a solo skills exhibition like Alix, except…”

“Alix is a lot better than me at all those things,” Marinette shifted uncomfortably.

“You haven’t been doing them as long,” Suzette reminded her kindly. “We could maybe use that as an asset, though. Show them a beginner level drill while Alix handles the advanced stuff. If we came up with a few things and you really drilled on them—” Suzette began, but she was interrupted before she could finish the thought.

“What about jam skating?” one of the girls spoke up. Everyone turned to look at her and she shrugged slightly. “It’s always a crowd pleaser. It’s fun and as long as the song is killer, it’ll look good even if it’s simple. We start out teaching her the basics and if she can manage some fancier tricks we can work them into the routine later. Marinette’s strong and flexible, I bet she can make it look good, and that way she can still participate but we don’t have to shoehorn her into something where she’ll have to do a lot of work to catch up.” She looked at Marinette. “How does that sound? I bet you can put together a killer outfit. If you like it, we can work on more complicated stuff for the next fundraiser.”

“That sounds really fun,” Marinette admitted shyly. Luka squeezed her hip again. “I’m sure I could come up with a great song,” she added, glancing up at Luka. He blushed a little and winked at her.

“I’m sure we can find something,” he agreed.

“Okay then,” Suzette grinned. “You can work with Danielle and we’ll see how it goes, and work it out from there. Welcome to the squad, Marinette.”

***

A couple of weeks later, Luka was lounging on Marinette’s chaise while she sat hunched over her desk, brainstorming outfits for her exhibition skate. “How’s the jam skate prep going?” Luka asked, bending over to plug his guitar into the tiny pink amp that now lived under her chaise. Marinette had giggled all afternoon the first time he brought it over, but it was perfect for letting him practice while she worked, without being in her way when he wasn’t there. Marinette had decorated the casing with some of her flower decals and now it felt like it had always been part of her room.

“Not bad,” Marinette said, refocusing on the outfits she was sketching. “It still feels a little awkward. Danielle’s trying to teach me this quick-change move and I keep getting my feet tangled up, but she promises me that’s normal and that I’m doing well.”

“You mean she didn’t call you clumsy and laugh you off the rink?” Luka chuckled, and Marinette pitched a discarded, crumpled up sketch over her shoulder at him, smiling in satisfaction when she heard it bounce off his head.

“You were right,” she said, reaching for a different pencil. “Is that what you want to hear?”

“I just want to hear that it’s going well,” Luka said innocently, and Marinette rolled her eyes. The soft notes of Luka’s guitar—no, actually, that was a lot more energetic than the last thing she’d heard him working on.

“I haven’t heard that one before,” Marinette observed.

“I know,” Luka chuckled. “I thought you might like something with a kick for your jam skate, so I’ve been messing around with a few things. I think I’m on the right track with this one.”

That got her attention, and she put her pencil down and got up from her desk. “You don’t have to write something new,” Marinette protested, shoving his legs aside so she could sit down next to him on the chaise. “You’ll have to finish and record it, and there’s not much time if I’m going to get a routine worked out and practiced—I can use a commercial album, or one of Kitty Section’s songs.”

“I want to,” Luka shrugged. “Mom can record it for us. It’ll be good enough quality to play over the PA system. I can finish it in a couple of days, no problem. Besides, it saves you guys having to do anything about getting rights and stuff.” He grinned, reaching over to rub his thumb along the furrow between her brows. “Put a Kitty Section patch on your outfit and we’ll call it even.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “I would have done that anyway.”

“I know.” Luka leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’re the most supportive girlfriend I could ever ask for. You might as well be the band’s PR manager at this point. The least I can do is support you too.” He kissed her lips, too, since he was there already, before winking and sitting back.

“Mm-hmm,” Mariette smiled, sliding over and leaning into his space before reaching up to flick his pink-tipped bangs out of his face. “You’ve always supported me. I’m sorry I didn’t...well, that I hid things from you before. I should have trusted you would understand.”

Luka smiled, though his gaze was suddenly fixed on her mouth. “Forgiven. I’m just happy you’re happy now. I—Mmm.” He cut off in a contented hum as she closed the last bit of distance and kissed him. He smiled at her when she pulled back, but she set her hand on his, pushing lightly, and she grinned when she saw him swallow as he set the guitar aside.

As soon as it was out of the way, Marinette slid into his lap and put her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly. “You’re the best,” she sighed, and then kissed him again. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

Luka tried to answer but a kiss just below his jaw ensured that nothing came out but a strangled squeak. Marinette had no intention of letting him argue, and Luka seemed to realize that, so instead he just put his arms around her and closed his eyes as she peppered kisses over his face and neck. At last, Marinette took his face in her hands and kissed him slowly and tenderly, and as she pulled away, a sudden inspiration hit her. Luka opened his eyes and found her looking at him intently.

She reached up and traced a line with one fingertip from his forehead, down over his eye, to his cheekbone.

Luka raised his eyebrows. “Marinette?”

“Hmm?” Distracted, Marinette was still staring at him—not at him, exactly, but at his face. Except she wasn’t really seeing his face, her mind already racing, elements she had been struggling with suddenly coming together in her mind.

The warm pressure of Luka’s mouth on hers brought her blinking back to reality. “Marinette,” he murmured, before kissing her again. “Come back to earth, please. At least long enough for me to say goodbye.”

“Oh,” Marinette gasped. “I’m so sorry, Luka, I—” but he was already shaking his head.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said fondly, brushing her bangs back gently. “I get it. But I’m not going to see you tomorrow so I’d like a decent goodbye before you get lost in the zone.”

“Of course,” Marinette smiled, and put her arms around his neck, forcing herself to focus on him for the moment as he kissed her. “I love you,” she breathed against his lips, and he smiled.

“I love you too,” he whispered, and kissed her again before pulling back. He packed up his guitar and slung the case over his shoulder. “Don’t forget to eat,” he told her, chuckling as he saw her already shuffling around on her desk. “Set your alarm so you don’t stay up all night.”

“I will,” Marinette said, smiling at his care of her as she went over to her desk and flipped to a new sheet of paper, sparing a moment to appreciate the way he always knew when to give her space. She hummed a little bit of the peppy song he’d been working on as she picked up her blue pencil and began to sketch.

***

Despite her genuine excitement and enthusiasm, Marinette had had her reservations when Danielle suggested jam skating. She was acrobatic enough, when she wasn’t being a total klutz, but Marinette hadn’t been sure she was graceful or rhythmic enough for something that was supposed to be a kind of dance. She’d trusted her teammates though and it turned out that she was actually halfway decent at it after all. And it was fun.

“Yes, girl,” Danielle yelled from where she was leaning against the rail, watching Marinette. “Now you’re getting it! It’s about time you stopped thinking so hard!”

Marinette flashed her a grin as she whipped by.

“This music is killer,” Danielle commented when Marinette finished and skated back to her. “What’s it called?”

“Oh,” Marinette reached up and ruffled her bangs away from her sweaty forehead. “I don’t actually know if it has a name? Luka wrote it and recorded it for me.”

Danielle grinned. “Are you kidding? Is there anything that boy won’t do for you?”

Marinette shrugged, blushing as she looked at the floor. “Not much,” she admitted, grinning. “He’s pretty amazing. He’s always been there for me, even before we were together. Even when it hurt him.”

“Ooohkay don’t get all sentimental on me,” Danielle said, throwing an arm around Marinette’s shoulder. “I’m not trying to pry into your business. I don’t know what happened in the past but right now? You two are pretty sickening. Gotta admit, though, I wish I had a relationship like yours. Does he have a sister?” she teased, and Marinette shoved her back with a grin.

“Yes, and you’ve seen her before, the tall girl with the black hair and the purple tips and the cute blond girlfriend hanging all over her.”

Danielle groaned, dropping her head back. “Figures.”

Marinette patted her shoulder sympathetically.

“Well, you’ve got the rink for a while longer,” Danielle sighed, leaning over the rail to grab her bag from the bleachers. She slung it over her shoulder. “You can stay and practice a little more if you want, and then next time we’ll work on putting some fancy stuff in the middle.” She poked Marinette in the belly. “Maybe some breakdancing-type moves during one of those sick guitar riffs. Might as well show off some of those crazy ab muscles of yours.”

Marinette giggled, and waved as Danielle left. She did a few lazy loops around the rink, practicing her footwork, letting the breeze of her passing cool the sweat on her skin. She was tired, but it was the good kind of tired, the ache of hard work and the glow of accomplishment.

“Looking good. You always do, though.”

Marinette swung around, nearly losing her balance, to find Luka standing at the edge of the rink, grinning at her.

“Luka,” she skated toward him, beaming. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I thought I’d go home with you,” he said, and then, to her surprise, he hopped over the rail, and she saw he had a pair of skates on. “But I was hoping maybe you could show me some moves first.”

“Really?” Marinette backed up a bit to gaped at his feet, and then looked up at him. “But...you don’t have to do that.”

“I know.” Luka shrugged his hoodie off, laying it over the rail, and stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging as he glided towards her. “But it’s important to you, and you like it. So I’d just like to give it a shot.”

Marinette swallowed hard, still drifting backwards, eyes darting over the muscles in his arms and shoulders, the easy motion of his hips as he skated towards her, and the sly smirk curling his lips—

Crap. He was smirking because she was staring. He bent down as he reached her, mischievous blue eyes peeking at her through the pink-tipped strands falling over his forehead. “Marinette,” he sing-songed teasingly, and blushing, she shoved his face away. He stumbled a little on his skates—Marinette supposed they weren’t exactly like ice skates, where she’d never seen him so much as wobble.

Luka chuckled and maneuvered next to her. “Okay, so where do we start?”

Marinette swallowed her nerves. “Um, the back and forth? Like this.” She demonstrated with her feet.

It didn’t take him long to get the hang of it, or the next two she showed him. Marinette wanted to pout. Luka was all sinuous, fluid grace, and it wasn’t fair. Oh, she knew he had his fair share of clumsy moments, usually when he was thinking about a song (or sometimes when he was thinking about her), but when it came to something like this, something that depended on rhythm and showmanship...he was in his element no matter the medium, and it showed. He had a confidence in himself and his body that she’d never been able to match outside of the suit.

Then he looked up and smiled at her, and she was reminded that this strong, hot, gorgeous man thought she was the greatest thing on earth, and she felt...she felt like it was true. Her smile lost some of its tightness, and some of the tension went out of her body, and she quirked a challenging eyebrow at him.

“Okay, how about this one?” She knew he’d be able to do it, because this one was all balance and hips, but it wasn’t about how he moved right now. She put her hands behind her head and kicked her hips out to get the momentum she needed, and grinned to herself when she saw that she had his complete, undivided attention. It was intoxicating, having that complete laser focus entirely on her, and it made her want to really sell the performance.

“Well,” she said, after he’d watched her for a moment. “You think you can do it?”

“Show me again,” he said, his voice at least an octave deeper than it had been a moment ago. “A little slower, please.”

Marinette did it again, slower, keeping her eyes on him as much as she could. He shook his head slightly, lips curling. “You’re too good,” he murmured, and then smirked at her before trying the move himself. He had it down before long and Marinette giggled.

“Okay, let’s put it together,” she murmured, sidling up next to him. Marinette started some music on her phone, counted out the beat in her head, and began putting the moves she’d just shown him together in a simple routine.

Luka watched her intently for a moment, and then started to move next to her. It took him a couple of tries but he got it, and they grinned at each other as they moved around the rink in synch. It wasn’t perfect, they both stumbled a couple of times, and more than once they forgot where they were in their little routine, but they giggled their way through it and Marinette thought they were actually doing pretty well.

Impulsively, Marinette flipped out of formation with him, circling around him as he kept going with their little routine. She threw in a little flare here and there when she knew he was watching, and then moved around to skate in front of him, mirroring the moves. That was harder and it took more concentration, she couldn’t show off as much. But it was worth it to be facing him, to see the way he looked at her.

Finally he put on a quick burst of speed and caught her around the waist, and then stumbled over his toe stop, and Marinette had to hold him up, laughing. He grinned sheepishly as they skidded to a less than graceful stop, but didn’t let her go.

“You know something,” Marinette said, looking up at him through her lashes. “My boyfriend is really hot.”

“You know something else?” Luka said, already bending towards her. “My girlfriend is irresistible.” He nipped at her jaw, palm flattening against the small of her back to press her close to him as he mouthed his way down her neck. Marinette tilted her head back and moaned softly, letting her hands drift down to his biceps. Luka moved down to her collarbone and Marinette leaned a little too far back. She yelped as her skates began to roll out from under her, but Luka caught her, letting her feet slide between his as she hung in his arms. He grinned down at her, and she giggled. “Maybe we should continue this somewhere a little more stable?” he suggested, with that same gentle mildness as always, that never mocked her or made her feel like she was...too clumsy, or too awkward, or too much of a spazz, or just too much.

This was one of those moments it hit her, how much, how truly he loved her, and as always it made her breath hitch in her throat and her eyes burn, and she yearned to show him how much she appreciated it, and how much she loved him in return, for just being the sweet, trustworthy, patient, dependable man that he was.

She bit her lip, tightening her fingers on his biceps, and leaned up enough to kiss his lips lightly. “Let’s go.”

Luka smiled, and lifted her back onto her feet. He held her while she got her legs back underneath herself, steady as a rock as always. She smiled up at him, at his soft blue eyes looking at her under the pink-tipped fringe of his hair, and hoped the little surprise she was planning for the exhibition would show him how much she really did appreciate him.

***

Juleka was smirking, and Luka didn’t know why, and that was...worrisome. He tried to look like he didn’t care too much, because if she thought he really wanted to know, she definitely wouldn’t tell him.

“Are you coming to the exhibition today?” he asked, as casually as he could, and Juleka’s smirk got broader, and now he was really worried.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Juleka mumbled, her expression shifted to a wicked grin.

Oh, that was bad. That was almost definitely bad. Especially given that Juleka had disappeared for almost the whole afternoon for the last two days. Coupled the fact that Luka had picked up a couple extra shifts and hadn’t seen Marinette in a few days...he had concerns. As if Marinette didn’t knock him on his ass (mostly metaphorically, but occasionally literally) on the regular without special Plans.

Yeah, with the way Juleka was suddenly cackling at him, he was pretty sure he was doomed, he just wasn’t sure how .

It was a really long day, and when they finally slipped into the seats Tom and Sabine had saved for them, right up in front, the grins on Tom and Sabine’s faces didn’t do much to ease Luka’s concerns. He tried not to let his knee bounce as they waited, but gave up even trying to keep his fingers in control, letting them tap out the rhythm of the music playing on the leg he was desperately trying to keep still.

***

“That feels like a pretty big crowd,” Marinette breathed as she peeked out of the locker room door.

“Good,” Alix said cheerfully, adjusting her helmet. “More people means more money.”

“Yeah, of course,” Marinette said lightly, like she wasn’t suddenly shaking in her skates.

“Hey.” Marinette jumped as Alix threw an arm around her shoulders. “I know it’s kinda freaky, but you’ll be fine once you get out there. Besides, you and I both know there’s only one person in that audience you actually care about impressing.” She took a lock of Marinette’s hair in her fingers and waved it in front of Marinette’s eyes, before letting it slide away. “I hope you brought a mop and a bucket because that boy’s going to melt down completely, you know that right?”

“I know,” Marinette giggled. “That’s the plan.” She and Alix grinned at each other and shared a fist bump.

***

There were several clubs participating in the exhibition, and the programs were interesting but the wait was killing him.

He sat up a little straighter when Suzette finally took the microphone. Marinette was up first, he knew. Suzette introduced herself and told the crowd a little bit about the team, and then began to back up to the sidelines, calling, “Ladies and gentleman, give it up for our very own Petty Gâteau, Marinette Dupain-Cheng! Marinette’s new to the team and she came to us with barely any experience on skates and a lot to learn, but with a little perseverance and a lot of hard work, she’s become an absolute terror of the derby track! Not only is she a great jammer in the bout, she’s been learning jam skating and today she’s performing a routine she calls Blue Lightning.”

Luka had barely registered the name when Marinette burst onto the rink, throwing her arms up in the air as the spectators applauded, and Luka lost his breath as he watched Marinette take a lap around the rink, hyping the crowd. Marinette wore a black sleeveless crop top that left her toned arms and midriff bare, with a sparkly blue lightning bolt lined in pink emblazoned bold and proud across her chest. She wasn’t wearing her helmet for the jam skate and her hair was loose, its bright blue streaks whipping around her grinning face—wait.

Luka’s mouth dropped open and he stood up, gripping the rail as he stared, and Juleka began to howl with laughter beside him. Marinette’s hair had always had a slightly blue look to it in the light, but now it was shot through with bright, jagged streaks of blue. His blue. His knees went a little weak and his heart began to pound as she locked eyes with him and winked. God. He dropped heavily back into his seat as Tom and Sabine began to giggle.

“Either I owe you big time,” he muttered to Juleka, who was practically in tears from laughter at this point, “Or I’m going to kill you. I haven’t decided which yet.”

Marinette really only got a glimpse at his face when she whipped by but she liked what she saw. She waved and blew kisses and circled to the center of the rink. The excitement of surprising Luka already had her on edge, and the energy of the crowd was addictive, so when the music started she maybe put a little more snap in her hips, a little more sass in her smile, a little more whip in her hair, and she had to laugh the next time she passed Luka, who was by now leaning on the rails for support while Juleka patted his back with faux sympathy.

Marinette laughed as her feet wove through those quick-change moves she’d had so much trouble with a few weeks before, grinning triumphantly when she managed them without trouble.

She wished she could have seen Luka’s face when she “fell” back, landing on her hands and kicking up into a handstand.

Marinette finished her routine with a flourish and took another lap around the rink, waving both hands at the audience, though her attention stayed on Luka. She skated up to him as Suzette cried, “Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our own Marinette Dupain-Cheng!”

Luka leapt to his feet as she approached, and his hands were on her face before she even leaned over the rail, and as they shared a brief but fervent kiss. Through the whooping and applause they heard Suzette laughing over the microphone as she announced, “And just in case you were wondering, she’s taken.”

Marinette pulled back, blushing prettily, and turning even redder as she saw the way Luka was looking at her. She blew him one more kiss, waved to her friends, and skated off the rink to get changed for the bout.

She was fired up when it came time for the actual competition, throwing her weight around and pushing off with her strong legs. There was no hesitation about her anymore as she worked with her teammates, calling out formations and strategies, slamming herself up against bodies of teammates and opponents alike as the situation required.

In her eagerness she got called for a penalty, and since this was an exhibition bout more about entertainment than anything else, she ended up doing one armed push-ups balanced on her toe stops. She grinned to herself as she heard Luka’s roar cheering her on. Her quiet boyfriend knew how to make himself heard when he wanted to.

She maybe did a few extra push-ups, just to show off, and nearly fell over laughing when she saw Luka pretend to swoon onto Juleka. He nearly landed on the floor when his sister shoved him off mercilessly. Marinette blew him a kiss and got back in the bout, but she felt as if his eyes were burning her the whole time, even when she couldn’t see him.

They certainly burned her when the bout was over and she could look over at him again. Deciding it was best not to go over there again this time, she let Alix tug her along with the rest of the team back to the locker room.

Marinette took her time getting ready, lingering until the locker room was empty. Alix was the last one out before her. She smirked at Marinette and gave her a two-fingered salute on her way out of the door.

Marinette slowly, deliberately packed up her things, enjoying the pleasant flutter of anticipation in her stomach, the rush still singing in her veins, and then slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the locker room, humming Blue Lightning under her breath.

Sure enough, no sooner had she come out of the door than a strong arm slipped around her waist and whirled her around so that her back was against the wall. Luka loomed over her, grinning as he nudged her nose with his. “Hi,” he said breathlessly. “Anything else you need to do?”

“Nope,” Marinette giggled, letting her bag slide off her shoulder and to the floor.

“Good,” he sighed, and bent down to kiss her—more softly than she expected, but as soon as she kissed him back and lifted her arms around his neck, he pressed her into the wall with a little moan and kissed her and kissed her, murmuring sweet little things that she barely managed to take in, about how proud he was of her and how amazing she was and how much he loved her while she squirmed and giggled and kissed him back. She laughed into his mouth as his thumbs slipped under her shirt to stroke across her abs.

“Luka, that tickles,” she told him.

“You’re so unfair,” he fake-whined teasingly. “You’re feeling up my muscles all the time, and then you go out there like that and now I’m not allowed to touch?”

“Your muscles are really nice,” she defended herself, grabbing his hand and sliding it flat against her stomach. “You can touch, just....” She cleared her throat, but her voice still sounded huskier than usual as she said, “Harder.”

Luka growled and kissed her again, rubbing his palm firmly across her belly, and maybe she shifted a little on purpose to make her muscles flex beneath his hand, and he moaned into her mouth. Marinette couldn’t help reveling at least a little bit in her power over him, shifting again, and the noise he made had her giggling into the kiss.

“You covered it up,” Luka murmured, reaching up to stroke the hair that now looked almost completely black.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, it doesn’t show as much when my hair’s up,” Marinette remembered, reaching up to touch her pigtails.

“I want to see it again though,” he complained, and Marinette giggled, reaching up to pull the bands out of her hair. She shook it loose and smiled up at him.

“Sorry. I wasn’t even thinking about it, just put it up out of habit.”

Luka smiled and threaded his fingers through her hair, letting the strands slide slowly through them so he could admire the fall of the blue streaks. “It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.” He sighed and rested his forehead on hers gently. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” Marinette told him, rubbing her nose against his lightly. “Besides, fair’s fair.”

“But I didn’t—”

Marinette’s finger on his lips silenced him. “I know,” she smiled. “You weren’t expecting anything from me. But what I meant was, it’s only fair that I get to wear your colors if you get to wear mine. In fact, I was thinking maybe I need to start incorporating a little more Luka-blue in some of my accessory designs. Don’t think I don’t know you’ve been buying out my online shop, monsieur.” She giggled. “Not that wearing my flower keychain on your guitar case was particularly subtle.”

Luka smiled, unrepentant. “I like having little reminders of you. Thinking about you makes me happy.” He bent and kissed her softly. “I’m not opposed to you thinking of me, either, so if it makes you happy, I’m all for it. Now, can I take my amazing girl for some ice cream, or are you too worn out to go walking all over Paris looking for Andre?”

Marinette shrugged. “Andre’s is nice, but I think my legs would prefer the little parlor on the corner if that’s okay.”

Luka chuckled. “Sure thing.”

Fiction Master Post

#quickspins #pink frosting #all that remains #derbynette #pink luka #lukanette #lukanette endgame #i am lukanette trash i admit it #endgame lukanette #luka couffaine #marinette dupain-cheng #miraculousladybug #miraculous ladybug #ml fics

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vespertineflora · 4 years ago

Text

3zun Combo Fics

XiYao

we're alone in the dark E, During Canon, Classroom Sex, 4.6k It's the first time Jin Guangyao has had the chance to use the jade token Lan Xichen had given him for free passage in and out of the Cloud Recesses, and it's during this first late evening visit that Jin Guangyao discovers that Lan Xichen has been having fantasies about him for far longer than he ever could have guessed--and that Lan Xichen is very eager to act on one such fantasy.

your love is all i can think about E, During Canon/AU, Love Letters/Sneaking Around, 10.4k After Lan Xichen finally goes all the way with Jin Guangyao in the aftermath of the Sunshot Campaign, responsibility forces the two apart for far longer than either of them care for. When they finally get to see each other again after three long months, having to sit through hours of a discussion conference when the love of his life is just across the room is more than the poor, sexually pent up Lan Xichen can bear, especially as Jin Guangyao seems to realize he likes the effect he's having on him.

in your warmth i forget how cold it can be E, During Canon, Cold Weather Coziness, 3.3k After a long day of traveling in unexpectedly heavy snowfall, Jin Guangyao arrives in the Cloud Recesses and needs Lan Xichen to warm him up.

rest with me a while E, During Canon, Fluff/Smut, 3.8k The day of the Phoenix Mountain Hunt is a stressful one for Jin Guangyao; Lan Xichen can see how tense he is from just a glance. His offer to help Jin Guangyao with his preparations has been turned down more than once, so Lan Xichen isn't sure what he can possibly do to help him... until he realizes there might be one way he might be able to add a bright spot to Jin Guangyao's day. no angels could beckon me back M, During Canon, Post-Coital Cuddling/Confessions, 1.6k What he had with Lan Xichen should have been enough; Jin Guangyao hadn't intended to confess his feelings, and he certainly hadn't meant for them to be confessed like this.

bare your heart to me E, During Canon, Smut and Hurt/Comfort, 9.5k It's impossible for Lan Xichen to say when he first takes notice of it, but a strange exchange one night makes him realize something rather concerning: he hasn't seen Jin Guangyao's naked body in nearly a year. The realization leads to Lan Xichen chasing after the answer to this mystery, ultimately uncovering a painful truth about the daily horrors of Jin Guangyao's life in Carp Tower.

Daylight Can Be So Violent (series) (in progress, but all pieces are functional one shots) if i told you what i’ve become E, During Canon, Confessions/First Times, 13.7k (pt 1) It's Lan Xichen's first visit to Lanling since Jin Guangyao's ascent to the position of Chief Cultivator the previous month, and with everything he's been through recently, he's perhaps tenser than he otherwise would be, spending a peaceful evening with his dearest friend. Luckily, Jin Guangyao has some ideas about the best ways to relieve stress.

heaven help me (i need to make this right) E, During Canon, Light Bondage, 8k (pt 2) The last few months have been... more than Lan Xichen could have ever hoped for. The reconstruction of the Cloud Recesses is complete, which means his uncle is in a good mood. His brother is healed, moving around and spending time with A-Yuan. And his relationship with Jin Guangyao... well, to put it simply, Lan Xichen couldn't be much happier--though Jin Guangyao has no shortage of ideas for them. It's during one of his regular visits to Lanling that Jin Guangyao suggests they... try doing things a different way.

and i'd do anything E, During Canon, Candle Wax/Praise Kink, 4.7k (pt 3) "Do you trust me?" It was that question, and Lan Xichen's resounding yes, that had landed him here, his wrists tied to the bed posts above his head, silk scarf wrapped lovingly around his eyes, his chest heaving with every hard breath, his cock dripping precum in a sticky pool against his stomach, and drips of wax in various stages of hardness scattered all across his skin.

if there was nowhere to land (i wouldn’t be scared at all) T, During Canon, 5+1fic/angst, 10.7k Meng Yao hasn't lead an easy life. He's been pushed around, beaten, and taken advantage of for nearly as long as he can remember... Falling down stairs is one of the worst things he's been through, and he's fallen more times than anyone should have to. OR Five times someone makes Meng Yao fall down a staircase, and one time someone saves him from falling.

they call me underneath M, Post-Canon, Grief/Mourning, 4.2k Lan Xichen never intended to visit the cemetery where his sworn brothers were interred together, but now that he's here, he can't make himself leave without at least trying.

a fine time to regret T, During Canon, Grief/Comfort, 2.3k As it turned out, even knowing Jin Rusong was going to die didn't give Jin Guangyao the chance to prepare himself for it.

NieYao

hold on to what we are T, During Canon, Fluff, 1.9k Meng Yao is dedicated to working harder than ever as the Sunshot Campaign is ramping up, but Nie Mingjue wants him to come to bed.

if you need it, then i need it (and only we'll know) E, During Canon, Sex Pollen, 13.1k Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue are on what they assume to be a normal scouting mission into Wen territory--but the day is turned on its head when they get a bit too close to some strange looking plants that release a thick cloud of pollen as they approach. By the time they make it back to camp, they're both already feeling the effects, and the camp's doctor has some mixed news to share. The bad news? The pollen will lead to a deadly qi deviation if left untreated. The good news? They know how to treat it! Now it's just up to Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue to act on it (and on the feelings they've been secretly harboring for one another for months).

when it comes time to rest my head E, Canon Divergent, Hurt/Comfort, 20.8k When Nie Mingjue spots the freshly bloodied handkerchief Jin Guangyao accidentally drops, his first sickening conclusion is that he's just caught him in the middle of some nefarious deed--but Nie Mingjue investigates further, and instead uncovers a series of injuries across Jin Guangyao's body that tell a much more heart-wrenching tale than the one Nie Mingjue first suspected. Can Nie Mingjue earn back enough of Jin Guangyao's trust to get him to accept the help he so clearly needs? Can he convince Jin Guangyao... to come back to Qinghe with him? i need your broken promises E, Canon Divergent, Werecat!JGY, 11.7k The night Meng Yao is promoted to be Nie Mingjue's deputy, he makes two requests: to be left alone on the night of the full moon, and to not be asked why he needs to be left alone. Nie Mingjue is extremely curious about this odd appeal, but he honors it regardless. Years later, when Nie Mingjue proposes, Meng Yao repeats his requests as the only stipulations for their marriage, and Nie Mingjue once again promises to let Meng Yao keep his secret... until he realizes that perhaps the secret isn't as well kept as he once thought, and he confronts Meng Yao to learn the truth.

the day bleeds into nightfall T, During Canon, Angst and Romance, 2.5k When Wen Chao attacks the Unclean Realm, Meng Yao rushes to release Xue Yang, and Nie Mingjue catches him stabbing his general. Nie Mingjue might have thought he was doing Meng Yao a mercy when he banished him... but Meng Yao isn't sure he agrees.

love me hard oh, love me right E, Modern AU, Rule 63 PWP, 2k Sometimes Meng Yao just needs to be gently dommed by her girlfriend until she cries, and you know what? That's valid.

the love held in her hands E, Modern Fantasy AU, Rule 63/Fairy!MY, 3k When Nie Mingjue's tiny fairy girlfriend asks to be fingered, Nie Mingjue immediately considers it to be a bad idea... but when her search for something more appropriately-sized drags on too long, she decides to give in to Meng Yao's impatient demands.

NieLan

the common tongue of your loving me E, Modern AU, 69ing, 3.7k Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue have been dating for almost two years now, but Nie Mingjue is always coming up with ways for him and his beau to have some new sort of fun in the bedroom. (Submission for NieLan Month 2020, Day 22 Desperation/Beauty/Awe. This is also the 69th fic I've uploaded to my AO3 account haha)

3zun

home is where my love waits E, Modern AU, Sexted Pics & DP, 5.1k Meng Yao is out of town on business for the weekend and Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue have the brilliant idea to send their absent boyfriend some spicy material to keep him warm while he's away (and definitely not because teasing him is very fun). When Meng Yao gets back to his hotel room at night to discover the proverbial feast, he's both very turned on and very frustrated to be so far away--but luckily for Meng Yao, they have more than adequate plans to make up for their teasing once he gets home.

i’ve had no love like your love E, Modern AU, happy birthday jgy!3some, 9.2k It's Meng Yao's birthday, and after working all day, he travels to Nie Mingjue's place in a swiftly escalating winter storm, where a night of warm wine and even warmer company awaits... Nie Mingjue and a tipsy Lan Huan have a delightful plan in place on just how they can warm him up.

how could i ask for more E, Modern Genderbend AU, CNC Roleplay, 14.3k When Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue ask Lan Huan what she wants for her birthday, they strongly imply it can be a sexual favor. Lan Huan asks for so little in the bedroom; she always seems content to just join in whatever activities her girlfriends partake in and never makes specific requests for herself. Of course, when Lan Huan actually indulges their suggestion, the last thing they expect from her is a detailed, written fantasy that she hands to them with an entirely red face... But if such a thing is what Lan Huan wants, Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue will make sure to give her exactly what she's asking for. Written for Whumptober 2020, Theme No 6. PLEASE… (“Get it Out” | No More | “Stop, please”).

there’s a hole in my soul (can you fill it?) E, Modern AU, Hurt/Comfort & Panic Attacks, 6.2k Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue were exes... until Lan Xichen fell in love with both of them and they decided to set aside their differences for his sake. When they're all together, life is bliss--but Meng Yao's relationship with Nie Mingjue is strained at best, and he notices early on in this reconciliation that the only time Nie Mingjue seems willing to hold him or be affectionate with him is after they have sex. Meng Yao has learned that, on the rare nights and weekends when Lan Xichen is away and he needs affection, that having sex with Nie Mingjue is the quickest and easiest way to get it. Lan Xichen just so happens to be out of town after Meng Yao has a particularly bad day at work. He needs the comfort more than ever, but when he tries to get it from Nie Mingjue the only way he knows how, it doesn't go the way he plans.

in my arms you’re safe and sound T, Vampire AU, Hurt/Comfort & Feeding, 2.9k Jin Guangyao is a dhampir who is fully turned when his father accepts him into the family--but Jin Guangshan treats him terribly, and when Nie Mingjue begins to realize how far this mistreatment goes, he drags Jin Guangyao off for a conversation which quickly escalates into an emotional shouting match that results in Nie Mingjue deciding that Jin Guangyao needs to be removed from Carp Tower immediately. Lan Xichen finds them just in time for the three sworn brothers to head together back to Qinghe, where Lan Xichen personally discovers one of the many awful things Jin Guangshan has done to hurt Jin Guangyao.

how were we to know E, Canon Divergent, MAJOR HURT/comfort, 12.9k (check AO3 for warnings on this one!) After the Sunshot Campaign, Meng Yao took Lan Xichen's offer to come live with him in the Cloud Recesses, sparking the beginning of their romantic relationship--which in turn uncovered their individual romantic histories with Nie Mingjue, and led to a shared romantic present with him. In the years since, the three have been in love and quite happy with their shared arrangement. However, eventual grief lingered at the back of their thoughts; they all knew the effect the saber spirit was gradually having on Nie Mingjue's mind and on his temperament, causing more frequent and more violent outbursts... Though none of them could have guessed the particular sort of violence it would lead Nie Mingjue to commit one night alone with Meng Yao.

when you are lost and i am gone M, Canon Divergent, Character Death, 2k When Lan Xichen had received the letter from Meng Yao, he'd left the camp at once to meet him in the forest outside of Nightless City, but even still, he arrives a second too late to do anything but watch as one of his friends cuts down the other. a light on the other side M, Modern AU, JGY-centric, 2.6k As a child, Meng Yao had only ever met his father in passing, as he had a family of his own and wanted little to do with the child that resulted from his affair with Meng Yao's mother. But when Meng Shi passed away tragically, 13 year old Meng Yao was sent to live with his father, spending the rest of his teen years in a living hell until he was able to escape... A few years later, another affair and another tragedy brought infant Mo Xuanyu into the Jin household and Meng Yao returned to keep him safe from the fate he'd suffered himself. Life there is awful, though not nearly as bad as it was before, as Meng Yao spends most of his time alone caring for Mo Xuanyu. However, a few months into his return, Meng Yao is presented with a unique opportunity when, late one night, he finds Jin Guangshan collapsed on the floor of his office.

#3zun #xiyao #nieyao #nielan #mdzs #cql #wrote a thing #vesper posts

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seiin-translations · 4 years ago

Text

2.43 S1 Chapter 1.6 - Young Yunichika

6. ENTRY SHEET

If I get anything about volleyball wrong, let me know

Translation Notes

1. Tokyo is called a city, but it’s treated as one of the 47 prefectures since it’s so big. Its official name is Tokyo Metropolis or Tokyo-to (東京都)

Previous || Index || Next

His class duties took longer than expected and he rushed out of the classroom later than usual. As soon as he turned the door at a right angle, he ran into Itoko coming out of the classroom next door. He barely caught her wrist when she bumped her face against his collarbone and got bounced back.

“Ow… Yuni? That’s dangerous, you know.”

“I didn’t know. You’re the one who was looking away.”

While insulting her back out of habit, he was inwardly flustered because her wrist was thinner than he thought, and immediately let go.

“Hmm? Are you going to club now?”

Itoko let out a “Hmm?” with a rising inflection when she looked at Kuroba’s bags. He was feeling like he had been using the enamel bag he carried on his shoulder for a long time lately. Starting this month, they would be wearing their summer uniforms, and his t-shirt could be seen from the front of his wide-open shirt.

“Do your best, sports lad.”

“Don’t, don’t make fun of me!”

“How? I wasn’t. Wasn’t I praising you?”

“You sound like you’re looking down on me when you say it like that.”

“Even if I wanted to look down on you, I can’t!”

She gestured to compare the heights of their heads by holding up her hand. When he felt an itchy feeling down his back and bent back, Itoko leaned forward on her tiptoes and looked up at him from under his chin.

“W-what? Don’t get so close to me, it’s weird.”

“You got taller again, haven’t you?”

“Huh? R-really?”

Now that she said it, the position where Itoko’s face bumped into him was considerably lower. Recalling the scent of her shampoo, the itchiness ran down his back again.

***

“One-seventy-nine-point…zero.”

“It’s true! I did grow taller!”

It had been a long time since they measured their heights at that scale on the door of the equipment room. He smoothly removed himself from beneath the powder drink box that was held up by Haijima and checked the scale for himself.

“Hm. Isn’t it…nine-point-two? Don’t cut it off.”

Haijima didn’t even hide his tongue click when he corrected him. Haijima was 176.9cm. Even without being jealous of Kuroba, they were growing together, but he didn’t like the fact that their height difference of 2.3cm wasn’t shrinking even a millimeter. Well, I’m in a good mood now, so I can tolerate Haijima’s aggression.

“Fufu…Fufufufu…I’ll be one-eighty soon, with this.”

“Don’t your knees hurt?”

“It doesn’t bother me that much. It just feels a bit uncomfortable.”

He answered, tilting his head as he bent and stretched his knees. “You’re too healthy,” Haijima said, half-opening his eyes with a look of resentment.

“Does your knees hurt?”

“They do. I can’t even sleep some days.”

“Ho. Heh. So that’s how it is.”

“Tch…that loose face is pissing me off.”

Currently, there were eight active members on the boys’ volleyball team. There were some dropouts during the intensive spring break practices, but three people joined miraculously in the new school year. They could be in matches if they had seven people, but it was great that they could have one member in reserve (Since it was six-people volleyball, there were six people standing on the court at the same time, but the player specializing in receives called the libero could be registered separately, and they rotated while replacing a player on the court).

Within the club, Kuroba was the tallest, and his position was outside hitter as well as opposite hitter. Simply put, they were the positions that spiked the most. Next was Haijima, whose position was the immovable setter. It was the position where one set the ball up. And after him was Nagato, who was 175cm tall and also a third-year like the two of them, and his position was the center. It was a role that was the center of the blocking in front of the net and to act as a decoy. Other than those three, the rest were on par with the average middle school boy, and none of them were outstandingly tall enough to surpass 180cm. It was undeniable that they didn’t have the fighting power, but those who had good physiques drifted to more popular clubs.

“We’re having a meeting!”

The advisor called for them to gather while they were being noisy in front of the equipment room. Their ghost advisor, who had been grumbling about his holidays been used up for accompanying their club activities, seemed to have gotten more enthusiastic about it in the course of going along with them seriously. Lately, he had started to cooperate with practice, not just watch, and he was studying from the coach’s manual.

Haijima’s frank way of doing things and his single-mindedness towards volleyball infected everyone else before they knew it. An unfamiliar but not unpleasant something permeated their cells and remade their bodies unnoticed—.

It had already been three months since that incident with Yorimichi before spring break, but there was still a faint scar on Haijima’s right temple. If you asked him if there was any change in Haijima’s personality after that incident, he could tell you that there was absolutely none at all, and that he was still the same volleyball fanatic who went his own way.

But thanks to that…he felt in his body that he had gotten better. This week was better than last week, today was better than yesterday, and he was able to move up a level. Kuroba especially liked the back-row attack hit from right in the center of the court. Hitting from there, he was able to jump the highest, hit the hardest, and get the best view.

“This is the entry sheet for the middle school prefecturals. This year it’s two days from July twenty-six to twenty-seven.”

In a corner of the gym, they sat in a circle with the advisor in the center. Except for Haijima, everyone peered at the sheet curiously and said, “Wow, this is?” They had a few practice games with the middle schools in the city, but now it was time for the summer prefectural tournament, their first official game.

“It’s right after we go into summer vacation.”

“You get to play around for the rest of summer if you lose,” their advisor let slip out of his mouth, then cleared his throat when Haijima glared at him. Kuroba had almost blurted that out as well, but he was glad he hadn’t. “Ahem. Well of course since we’re going to compete, our goal is to win. I was told that for last year’s schedule, the first day was the first and second rounds, and the second day is the semifinals, third-place deciders, and finals. The top three schools will advance to the Hokushin’etsu Tournament.”

“That’s all?”

It was Haijima who raised his voice in surprise.

“No subdivision qualifiers, already the prefectural finals?”

“Hmm, you’re referring to the block qualifiers below the prefectural level, Haijima. To tell the truth, we’re lucky that our block doesn’t have qualifiers. The girls do, but it seems that the number of participating schools for the boys has been below the minimum for the past few years. The number of schools where Haijima’s from can’t be compared to here, and you have to win a lot of block qualifiers before you can get to the prefecturals, right?”

“It’s the metropolitan tournament, but yeah.” (1)

Haijima nodded, and Kuroba and the other members blinked in surprise. As he stared at the entry sheet, his face became tinged with red and his eyes turned piercing. Uwah, it’s that face, the dinosaur-loving boy…Kuroba had an ominous feeling that he was going to say something bothersome and felt like holding his head.

Haijima raised his eyes from the entry sheet, and then looked at his teammates one by one, as though confirming something. His gaze stopped on Kuroba’s face. In a hoarse yet somewhat lively voice that sounded like he was repressing his excitement, he said,

“We win the championship if we win four. If we win at least three, we break through the prefectural tournament.”

A “Huh” slipped out of Kuroba’s mouth, and he gulped.

“That’s surprisingly…”

Close, he was about to say, but felt ashamed at himself for forgetting their position. Excepting Haijima, it was an amateur team where everyone else had no experience with regular games. If they won once, that was all they could ask for, but if they somehow won twice against all odds, then that was a remarkable achievement. They should be thinking that humbly.

However, even the letter H in the word “humble” didn’t exist in the dictionary of the man named Haijima Kimichika. He didn’t have the sensitivity for being embarrassed about his overreaching statement, nor the thought of making a precautionary low estimate.

“We can do it.”

He said confidently, without a hint of doubt or hesitation.

“We’re gonna win.”

He always wondered how this guy could boldly put such words on his tongue as though they existed just for him. Win? Did that mean being the best in the prefecture? Those were words he thought he would never have any relation with. Or rather, he was so far removed from them that they never even crossed his mind. The reason was because he never devoted himself to anything that he wanted to be the best at. Although he was passionate about volleyball now, it wasn’t because he wanted to win, but more because at this point, he just enjoyed the feeling of getting better at it.

But, only four wins. Or even three wins.

It would be easier to become defiant and fight back if it was some eternally distant place like having to win dozens of times or something like that… He still couldn’t accept the fact that it was in a place they might reach if everything went well, and now he was just bewildered.

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#2.43 book 1 #2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu #2.43 translation

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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years ago

Note

i think you’ve realised some lists, but could you link your friends to lovers lists? 💞 thank u so much !

ABSOLUTELY NONNY!

God It’s euphoric being in a great mood!! It’s felt like 80 years since I’ve felt this happy. It’s gonna go away the second it rains again, but ANYWAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I’m feeling generous so I’ll post this today and I’ve had the list “ready to post” for a few months. Here’s a part 2 list to my other list since I’ve enough to do it :D

FRIENDS-TO-LOVERS Pt. 2