#neurodivergent? more likely than you'd think

[neonshadows9000]

Anybody else that doesn't trust auditory signaling? Just me? Okay.

So today I adjusted my tyre pressure (it was wayy too low, like I need 2.7 bar and I had 1.9) at a gas station and the pump was built so you'd select the desired pressure, connect the nozzle and the pump would signal with a beep when the tyre is at that point. On one side of my car I could still double check visually (as in constantly look at the display) but on the other side my car was of course in the way so I had to completely rely on the beep. Now, the beep was loud enough to hear and everything, but it's just one beep. If it were a little melody or smt it would be different but with just one beep what if it's just somebody's phone or the machine signaling a problem or I just imagined hearing it cause I was specifically waiting for it? The display stops showing the pressure when the nozzle comes off so I couldn't double check afterwards.

Logically, I heard the beep exactly like with the other tyres, but now I'll just constantly think 'What if I disconnected too early and now the tyres are unevenly pressurised? The beep did seem to come quicker with the last tyre. Should I have taken the time to place the car the other way around to double check?'

It's such a stupid problem to have literally why does my brain do this instead of putting that energy into processing people's sentences before I ask them to repeat.

[decepti-geek]

me and mum just finished watching Ludwig together and it was very fun, but I'm now also just mostly frustrated and desperately hoping for some other, future show where David Mitchell and Anna Maxwell Martin play opposite each other as characters who are actually a couple, cause they have a brilliant sort of offbeat chemistry that i really really love.

[hyperlexichypatia]

The thing about "lack of third spaces in the U.S." that doesn't get mentioned enough is that it's not just "Capitalists and corporations bought up the commons, privatized public resources, and made people pay to access them."

That's a big part of it. But it's not the only part.

The other part is that middle-class people -- particularly middle-class white, abled people -- willingly forked over money to set up private spaces rather than share public spaces with people of color, disabled people, neurodivergent people, poor people, religious minorities, and other "undesirable" people.

When you look at any article or picture from some point in the 20th century about third spaces that are less common now, consider that depending on exactly where and when in the 20th century U.S. this was, people of color might have been banned from that space by either law or threat of violence or both (or, at minimum, made to feel unwelcome). Physically disabled people probably could not access those spaces (or were institutionalized or kept at home). Visibly non-passing neurodivergent people probably could not access those spaces, because they were institutionalized or kept at home. Two women kissing, a man in a dress, any type of visibly queer or gender nonconforming person would not have been tolerated in that space.

And my point is, these things are not unrelated. The decline of third spaces is not unrelated to civil rights gains.

I'm not saying "Stop talking about the good things of the mid-20th century, don't you know that era also had racism and sexism and ableism and queerphobia?"

I'm saying they're not unrelated -- it's not "This time period was better in some ways, like more third spaces, but worse in some ways, like more racism and ableism." It's "Those good things, those third spaces, those labor unions, those safe neighborhoods, that sense of community, relied upon the systemic exclusion of a dehumanized underclass, and as soon as any civil rights pressure was put on that systemic exclusion, the sense of community crumbled."

The pattern is clear and recurring: Privileged people build a public space for "the community", marginalized people start using it (sometimes after a court case or two), the public place gets a reputation for being "full of" marginalized people, privileged people build a private space they can exclude people from, privileged people abandon the public space, the public space gets neglected and deprioritized because "nobody (who matters) uses it anymore," the public place goes to shit from neglect and possibly closes, the private space gets expensive, privileged people lament the loss of the public space.

Privileged people killed public pools rather than share them with Black people. Mortally wounded public schools rather than share them with people of color and religious minorities. Are trying to kill public libraries rather than share them with queer people and unhoused people and neurodivergent people. Can't revive public transportation for fear of sitting next to poor people. It's white flight all the way down.

The whole "Social democracy is the left wing of fascism" claim is tankie ridiculousness, but like most tankie ridiculousness, there's an underlying grain of truth. In this case, the underlying grain of truth is that widespread support for public services is a much easier sell when people don't think they'll have to share resources or public space with people they consider inferior. It's not a coincidence that some of the countries that provide the highest quality of life for their abled citizens are some of the worst to noncitizens and disabled people.

And it's not like Weird Queer Left-Leaning Types have a great track record of sharing public space with people different from yourselves, either. Y'all can't be normal about someone wearing a yarmulke at Pride. Y'all can't be normal about adults playing board games with kids. There's no way you'd be okay with unsupervised, uncontrolled, unmedicated-by-choice schizophrenic people hanging out and talking to themselves. You cannot handle public third spaces.

Yes, blame corporations and advertisers for privatizing public spaces, but also blame the social prejudice that willingly forks over money to avoid sharing public space with Those People.

[gremlingottoosilly]

DILF!Konig x Babysitter!Reader

It was a nice little gig.

Konig's son is more than a little bit neurodivergent and less than a lot traumatized by his mom's essentially running away from him and his daddy - so, you, as his babysitter, is left to pick up the pieces. Not like you'd usually care for the sad family history, but the little guy is genuinely nice when he is not busy biting off heads of his dino toys or trying to explain every gun his dad has to you. He is the quietest kid you know and the loudest one at the same time - and his father is kinda the same.

You know Konig as a brief appearance in the door when he goes home. You know Konig as a dad of the kid you babysit - as a guy who is never early and always late, as a guy who makes you think you like the kid, but you'd drop him off solely because of his dad - but then he brings you a hefty bonus for staying up late with little Felix, and you just know you need money more than you need time.

This guy is always somewhere instead of spending time with his son - so you kinda started to stay up late, knowing that even a very independent 6 year old shouldn't stay at home alone because his dad is too busy at his desk job as a mercenary instructor, or doing alcoholism, or crime, or literally whatever, you don't even care - you just get your laptop with you, a few pairs of fresh clothes and a tooth brush from the nearest supermarket. Staying up late in their house was a bit weird at first, but Felix adores you - and you don't care what his dad thinks.

This is how Konig finds you, curled up on the couch, his son laying on your tummy. You are the first person his son touched outside of his mother - and you're the first woman Konig sees who doesn't make him ridiculously angry or bitter. He knows he shouldn't look at you like this, you're young, too young for him - probably fresh out of college in the best case scenario, just a quick money grab for a girl like you...still, he can't help but stare. Can't help but touch you cheek, so soft compared to his rough hands.

Felix looks at him with disdain, little shit always hating on him ever since his mother left - but even his son knows what's good for him, so he doesn't care that dad is touching the babysitter while she is asleep. He is a smart boy and knows when to start crying when his dad is leaving for a three-month mission and begs for you to just stay at the house - he will pay you per week, way more than you got before, and he will send you money for food and house necessities.

Honestly, you should have listened to your guts here, but...Felix is a nice kid. His dad is mostly harmless. You thought so, at least.

[aphroditesmoon]

wish you'd ask me

clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader

summary: you're not good at reading subtle hints, clarisse realises that maybe she should've been more upfront with her feelings for you.

warnings: fluff, oblivious!reader, clarisse is down bad, reader is very neurodivergent coded, kissing, flirting, title n fic inspired by 'Wish You'd Ask Me' by Matt Maltese.

A/N: thank you for 1.9k followers!! I love you all dearly, my ask box and dms r always open, im glad that my writing is being enjoyed by so many people<3

wc: 4.5k

You have been in camp half blood for more than 4 years. You have made yourself at home for the last several years. 

It was easy to view yourself as lesser or inadequate in comparison to other mortals during your days in the real world before you were sent to camp. The world has never failed to remind you of how different you were. Always too much or not good enough, always special and never normal

And it wasn't like you were dying for some sort of diagnosis to justify why you are the way you are, but upon discovering that you were actually a demigod, it felt like all the questions you've been harboring to yourself was finally answering themselves. 

Everything clicked. Everything made sense, though at the same time, it felt impossible. You were a very confused little girl when you first arrived at camp. A girl who just wanted someone to tell them that it'll all be alright in the end.

And you still remembered the first person to hold you by your shoulders and made you look into their eyes as they told you that it was all going to be okay.

The girl with beautiful long curls and dark piercing eyes. The girl that everyone else, apparently, was afraid of.

But you could never be afraid of Clarisse La Rue. 

Not with the way she smiles when every time she sees you, the way she never fails to make you feel included even in activities you're not capable of participating in. Not with the way your whole body electrifies every time your skin touches, when your hands brush against each other. 

It didn't matter what anyone think, because no one could change the perception you've built of her. Clarisse La Rue is good. Or at least she is to you.

When you first heard of the rumours surrounding her, you did think better than to force a friendship on her. You strayed away from her and stuck to your cabin siblings and your books, but you noticed daily how she'd still go out of her way to talk to you at least once a day.

It didn't need to be a long conversation, just a passing acknowledgement. An easygoing 'hey, how've you been doing.' Sometimes she'd even go as far as cracking a joke with you.

With how serious her face is whenever she make the jokes, you'd have to think twice as hard and thrice as faster than another person to try and guess if she was being genuine or not so you could fit in a necessary laugh when you needed to.

Even as her anger became more apparent because of the new kid's accidental climb to fame and embarrassing the Ares' cabin, she still found time to make a conversation with you.

It had been long since you tried to ignore or avoid her. You learned that her attention towards you is harmless, and that she seemed much more comfortable telling you certain things compared to others. If she has been viewing you as some sort of safe box, then you don't really mind it. You liked listening to her talk and keeping her heart's intent as your secret.

You too, talking to her. To some people, you are reserved,  

and to others, talkative. Either way, people find it easy to discard you at any moment they decide you are irritating.

But Clarisse listens. And she asks questions, she's patient- much patient that anyone could anticipate or guess. 

It may be hard for others to believe, but Clarisse is more complex than she seems. She had the capacity to be gentle, and she had the capacity to respect boundaries. The more time you spent with her, the more that side becomes easy for you to access.

Today, however,  marks a new record for your friendship with her. A few weeks ago, she had informed you of her newfound interest in the history of folklore monsters. What a coincidence that you were currently self-studying on that specific topic.

She insisted that you hook her in on whatever it is you're learning. She had even gotten you a doughnut to eat together outside the library as you told her of your insights of dragons and their theorized blindness and incapability to differentiate a variety of prey.

The conversation went well, she seemed immensely in awe of your knowledge and had no problem telling you how she felt. 

You even gave her some book recommendations, though you knew she wasn't much of a reader.

You felt a shift in your relationship that night and had spent the next three days studying more and more about the topic. And today, you had asked her to spend the evening with you. 

You shouldn't feel so nervous asking her to hang out. That is what friends do, after all.

She found you in the library, sitting on the floor in between two large bookshelves. She had been right on time and enthusiastically so. The two of you sat together, hidden by the shelves as some semblance of privacy. 

Clarisse looked confused when you had explained that you indeed wanted to spend the rest of the day in the library, but she accompanied you anyways.

You could never get sick of the smell of the books. Old and new, they all have some nostalgic past tied in between the pages, begging to be discovered. 

You had your back on the walls with tinted windows above your head as she's seated opposite of you in a criss-crossed position.

Today, the library isn't as packed as usual. There were still people walking in and out and checking out the books on the counter, but not too many that it became obnoxiously loud and annoying. 

After finishing another book of Monsters and how to spot them, you're feeling knowledgeable enough to explain the lore of the Giants to Clarisse, she had asked you about this the other day, giants have been long extinct to the point that some might even say they may have never even existed. And so you were interested in sharing with her all of the information you have learned about the majestic species of a beast.

You started with the general information. The basic understanding of what a Giant is the mythhs of Giants and the validity of those sources. Clarisse listened closely in the beginning, never interrupting you unless she had an actual question.

She seemed in awe of the stories you tell her of. You don't blame her, for you yourself have been most interested in the topic of Giants.

You were an hour an a half in when noticed her attention faltering. She leaned against the cases of books, her eyes twitched slightly when you began to explain the different types of giants, and the difference of how they operate.

Her hands are folded together on her lap, and you can feel her listening in on everything you're telling her as she adds in some commentary here and there, but you also felt that she wasn't entirely in on the conversation.

The dim lights of the library made the atmosphere feel warm and secluded, even with its vast space and many other campers hanging around in the other tables and shelves. You made sure to keep your voice low as you spoke in fear of the librarian kicking you out. 

You had a good reputation with the library workers, they liked how organized and polite you were. 

"A lot of people think their greatest strength is their size, which is valid, they are huge, but their real weapon is their mouth." You told Clarisse, ignoring the litter of books by your left that you had brought over for reference.

"They kiss you to death?" She asks suspiciously. You laughed shortly and shook your head. "No, I mean their breath."

She responds with an 'ohh.' 

"They're giants, so their mouth is large too, and you can easily tell what they had for breakfast even from their tall height. Their breaths are also known to be so rancid it could kill you, because they don't exactly eat what we eat." 

She raises a brow as she stretches her hands upwards. "Isn't that ogres?" 

"It's both." You confirmed.

You were about to continue your explanation but halted by instinct as you notice how her mouth keeps pursing together as if unsatisfied, and she has that look on her face that mimicked a confused expression. You're don't think there's anything to be confused of.

"Are you okay?" You asked her worriedly. Clarisse sits up straighter at the question and waved a hand off to assure you she's fine. "Of course, no yeah- I'm fine."

"You seem bored, you're not really interested in what I'm saying are you?” She opens her mouth to counter your words but hesitates to say anything. 

"I- well, I like giants-" She attempts, "-no you don't. " 

"No. I don't." She admits with a sigh. "But I thought you said you were interested in these kind of stuff?" You questioned her. "Well, yeah, like the general idea of it. I mean, I don't hate it, and I like hearing you talk about it." She answers with a shrug.

"Then why do you look disappointed? If you didn't want to come, you could've just told me. I wouldn't get mad." You told her honestly. It was conflicting for you to see her so confused on what to say, being so picky with the words she chooses.

You figured she's probably reluctant to hurt your feelings. That is a notion you're used to. You'd rather she tell you the truth to your face than to be catered around like a time ticking bomb that everyone's so afraid might explode at any time. 

"When you asked me out yesterday, you told me this would be an 'evening to remember." She tells you with such confidence like it was an explanation to her weird behaviour today.

"You don't think this is an evening to remember?" You sincerely inquire.

"No, I do! I just- well, when you said that I didn't think you'd mean we'd be doing this." Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what she means, eyeing her body language closely. “What do you mean? I told you I wanted to hang out.” 

A part of you is offended. She was the one who had said she liked hearing you speak, why would she be disappointed that this was your idea of spending time together?

"I don't know, I thought we'd just be doing...something else?"

It didn't matter what she had really meant with that. You felt completely embarrassed once she finished her sentence. Why was it that everyone else had no problem having long conversations with their friends, but when it came to you, it's all too awkward, unnecessary, and odd? 

You liked Clarisse, you considered her your friend. Sometimes you wonder if it could ever be more, but you never entertain those thoughts because you don't want to ruin what the two of you already have. 

But moments like these resemble a huge slap in the face by the universe.

You couldn't even be good friends with her, how ridiculous of you to think that there could ever be something more.

"Okay, um, maybe we should just go back to our cabin." You decided whilst standing up and picking up the stack of books you're currently borrowing from the library, ready to leave the place without waiting for her.

"Hey, wait." She called out as you walked past her. You spared her a glance, trying your best not to show how upset you are.  “We're friends." She says it so much like a question that you weren't sure if she's even sure of the fact herself until she continued speaking. "I like hanging out with you."

Another thing that you weren't sure if she really meant. "Sure." You replied thinking it's the most suitable response. 

Before she could say anything else, you turned around and started picking up your pace until you disappeared out of her sight.

—

You have been consistently ignoring Clarisse. Which proved to be harder than expected.

When you pass by her camp or the training ground, you make a mental note to always look down or to your front as to never accidentally cross eyes with her.

And everytime you hear her call out your name, you keep walking like you didn't even hear her, knowing that she wouldn't be bold enough to call for you again. After all, she still had a reputation to uphold.

If ignoring her wasn't hard enough, having to deal with how you felt for her is worse.

You've been avoiding confrontation with yourself for weeks even before you decided to go no contact with her.

And so far, you thought you've been handling it pretty well. Except for days where you don't see her where she's expected to be. You tell yourself that you don't care as you make your way to training in the day and reading in the evening, and yet you still go back on your own words when you asked a passerby Ares kid on where his cabin leader was.

"She's dunking some kid's head into a toilet bowl." Of course she was.

You thanked the dude and went back on your way to your cabin. It's close to dusk, the sky is turning orange and the sun is dipping itself below the earth. You take your time returning to your cabin as you enjoy the way the sun slowly removes itself from anyone's viewing.

You wondered to yourself if things like these are what makes you weird or off-putting to some people.

Was enjoying nature and having niche interests only cute when it's done by girls pretty enough to be cool or if it's only in romance movies or books.

You don't find yourself weird, in fact you think all of your hobbies are pretty common and usual, and yet the way Clarisse had spoken to you at the library last week had made you feel unnatural.

You had wanted to do normal people things with her, but maybe your perception of normal is different to her.

Either way, you are pretty hurt with how she reacted. You loved her still, of course. It's kind of hard to unlike the girl you've been obsessed with since you were 15.

Once you finally reach your cabin, you quickly put down all of your books and your tiny sling back by the side before making it to the shower to refresh yourself before dinner.

You thought it hilarious of how hard you're trying not to care about Clarisse, and yet as you're cleaning yourself up, changing your clothes and attempting to read at least 15 pages of your World's Most Dangerous Beasts book, you could only think of her.

What would it take for her to think that you're cool, what kind of things did she want to do instead of listening to you yap around for 2 hours on what is an equivalent of a boring dinosaur facts, not that you really think dinosaurs are boring.

During dinner, you kept to siblings and had to make yourself finish your plate as your anxiety wrecking thoughts have a way of deriving you of an appetite. You also had to convince yourself to not search for her at the other tables which took more strength than one would expect.

But you succeeded, and you were now sure that the only obstacle left for the day was to try and fall asleep without the thoughts of her keeping you up.

Clarisse is a force, a fierce daughter of Ares, and a cabin leader who had much better things to do then hole up at quiet small places with you.

And just because she was nice enough to mantain a good relationship with you for 4 years, does not mean that you're worth her time. Or at least that's what you tell yourself.

That night, you managed to fall asleep after an hour of recalling Harpy facts in repetition. Counting sheeps had never worked on you, so you had to find something much more active to tire out your brain.

You dreamed of Clarisse with her hair down, holding your hand and pulling you closer so she could slip a flower on your ear.

And just as she's looking down at you, moving closer to do what it seemed like to kiss you, you awoke with a jolt, swearing under your breath as if you'd just gotten jumpscared by a ghost.

Someone's palms moved to shut your lips as you're met with a girl, hovering over you in the dark. Clarisse's dark eyes were recognizable, but it sent a shot of adrenaline through your body still.

"Shh." She whispered to your face, hand still keeping your mouth shut. "I'm going to remove my hands now." She whispered again. You nod in understanding and waited for her to pry her hand away from your face.

"What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed as quiet as possible as she helped you sit up.

"I'm sneaking you out." She answers with a wink. "It's 2 in the morning." You waved your hand around at the darkness and sleeping children. "3 in the morning, and yeah, I know. That's why it's called sneaking around." She corrects you with a grin so devilish that if you hadn't known her for a long time, you'd assume she's about to turn you into a new toilet bowl or dumpster boxing victim.

You sighed loudly and glared at her despite your fast beating heart. Her hand remained on top of yours until the minute becomes more awkward and she removes it as if she just remembered that she's been holding your hand.

Without explanation,  she climbed out of your bed and tiptoes to the open cabin door. You're still sitting up and looking at her with conflicted feelings.

Only after she turns back to you, cocking her head towards the entrance, do you give into her request and softly leave the comfort of your bed and trail after her.

"Where are we going?" You asked after her as she kept walking. Instead of responding, she asks you another question back, "Can you swim?"

"We're going swimming?" You watch her shrug in return from behind her and became even more distressed.

"So, is this your idea of having fun and hanging out then?" She laughs drily and slowed down so you could catch up. You walked fast enough until you're beside her and waited for her to talk. "You sound surprised, I would've thought that after 4 years of friendship, you'd know by now that I love doing things that includes active movements."

You did know that, it's a bit hard to not notice how much working out, training and running fuels her even more.

"And why are we doing it in the middle of the night?" The walk towards the lake by the back of the forest was short, considering that your cabin is the closest to the location.

You almost tripped and fell over a stick, but Clarisse was quick to scoop you back up by the back of your shirt. "Thanks." You mumbled to her. "And you haven't answered my question."

Clarisse pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the ground without caring of your presence. You, having more moral obligations than her, twisted your face to your left when she began to pull her trousers off. "Too many people in broad daylight." She tells you.

That is a valid reason, this lake is mostly known as a hook up spot, and true to it's cause, many dating campers have been caught together here during dawn or late evenings.

You braved yourself to turn towards her again slowly and realised that she had already hopped into the water. She had a sports bra on and a boxer.

And though you yourself had a tank top and shorts on, you contemplate the idea of suicide as a better choice than having to strip in front of her.

"Are you gonna get in, or are you just gonna gawk at me from there?" You were grateful for the dark being able to hide your flushed face from her, but deep down, you knew that she probably saw it anyways because of the shining bright moonlight.

"I can't swim." You told her.

"That's fine, the water's not very deep." You ransacked your brain for reasons to decline her offer, but at the same time, a small part of you yearned to take this risk that you've been so afraid of for gods knows whatever reason.

Clarisse is there, in the water and under the moonlight. You are only a few steps away from her. And like she said, the water isn't deep, only waist length. She stares back at you with a raised brow like she's challenging you to join her.

"Turn around first." You tell her. She smirked slightly before slowly spinning to the opposite direction. "You know I've seen you naked before right?"

"What?" You choked out, aghast. "Who do you think changed your clothes for you when you first got to camp." Oh, that.

Your shoulder relaxes as you realize she's talking about the first time you met. "That's was a long time ago." You noted. She hummed im agreement. "Yeah, we've both grown since."

You told her she could turn around once you're inside the water. Forgetting about the heighy difference between you two, the water was high enough to reach your chest, trying your best not to trip underwater the way you always do on dry ground, your hand instinctively reached outnfor her shoulder.

Clarisse held your forearm tightly and drew your closer to her until you're inches away from eachother.

You breathed in sharply and felt the need to fill in the awkward silence. "So, you...like swimming, huh?"

"Yes, evidently so." She answered. "Right right, can't sit still and all that." She actually chuckled at your sarcasm, making you proud of yourself.

"You know, even before I came to camp Half Blood, I use to be a pretty active person, running track, volleyball, sometimes swimming." Your eyes widened in curiosity. "Really?" She nodded.

"The counselor told my mom that I just had so many untapped energy, which I guess is a code for anger issues." Her grip on your forearm moves higher until her palm is over your shoulder.  "She told her that it'd be best for me to find a...healthy way, to channel that energy, and for my strong competitiveness. So I joined what I could, and that's how I spent most of my free time there. Besides, I never was that good academically. So, I ought to at least be good at something, right?"

"You are good." You blurted out. Your embarrassment faded away when you saw her smile. "You think so?"

"Yeah." You assured her. Her other hand had snaked around your waist without you noticing. Only when you moved slightly do you notice her holding you softly.

"The moon is really nice tonight, isn't it?" You said, trying to diffuse the tension. You pointed your finger up to the sky at the singular white orb.

She glanced up and let out a 'huh.'

"I like it when it's bright and whole like this, the moon in all of its glory. You don't even notice the starts around it when it's glowing like that." You could stare at the moom forever, even longer than the way you've been staring at the sun.

You believed in it the way children do with their birthday candle. To you, the moon has always been a symbol of hope or comfort for your future. Your fascination for it existed from when you were a child, the way it'd follow you from behind as you gazed upon it from the back of the car seat whilst your parent drove down the road.

The way it moved above you as you walked home from school, like one of the gods themselves watching over you.

"Nothing compares to the moon." You announced aloud, watching as the clouds around it began to gather over it. "Yeah, It's beautiful." You hear Clarisse speak.

As your head snapped back to her, you found that she had already been facing you.

"I like the moon...but not as much as I like you." She whispered loud enough for your ears only. Her face leans closer to yours, your noses brushing together. "Not as much as I like to hear your voice, when you tell me about your little harpy facts-"

"Oh, I haven't told you about the harpies yet." You cut her off. "I just finished that chapter this morning actually and-"

"-and, you can tell me about it after I'm done talking." You blushed and became silent, letting her speak.

Clarisse exhaled breathily, fanning your face with the subtle warm air. "I like doing things that friends do with you, but I don't want to be your friend anymore."

"Oh."

"I want to be more than friends." She elaborated.

"Oh." Oh.

You feel a sudden tightness in your chest, from anxiety or from butterflies is undecided. "You want to be best friends?" You joked, laughing nervously.

Clarisse snorted at your joke, but she was still grinning widely. "Best friends, If that's what you want to call it."

There was a moment of understanding shared between a second of shared gazes before her lips attached themselves to yours. An urgency, approval, meaning that can't be described by words.

Whatever gentleness there was inside of her before had vanished. Clarisse kissed you like a starved woman. Her lips craved yours like it'd be the last time she'll ever know how you taste like.

Your hands clasped on her shoulder and neck for support as she embraced you tighter to her body. You let her tongue slip into your mouth, meeting your own.

And as they danced together, inhaling all there is in your lips, every secret and every confession that have died on the tip ofnyour tongues, you are sure that no heaven nor hell could tear you open to see you back together like this.

You push her back abruptly, letting fresh air fill your empty lungs. "What's wrong?" Clarisse inquired worriedly.

"Last week." You sighed out, chest still heaving as your thoughts clicked together. "You thought I had asked you on a date, that's why you were disappointed."

She winced at the reminder, and for the first time in your life, you had been lucky enough to witness a flustered Clarisse.

"I'm right." Her silence confirmed. "Oh Clarisse, why didn't you just ask me?"

Huffing loudly, she rolls her eyes in irritation. "I thought I was obvious enough. "

Thinking back on it all, it did seem pretty obvious, but gods were you oblivious. The way you intepreted it all so wrongly.

"I've liked you for so long too." You admitted to her. Her scowl was gone at that, replaced by a teasing smile. "And what are you gonna do about it?" Her mouth returned to yours, letting go of all your fears and holding on to Clarisse like she's your anchor, you close the gap between your lips, welcoming the kind of pleasure that you've never tasted before.

[thespacesay]

hey, I'm hoping this is understood to be in good faith, but this sounds like you're speaking about the notoriously bullshit standard set by BMI (Body Mass Index). the BMI is currently the accepted tool for speaking about appropriate weight categories (ie, medically assigning an individual as "obese" or "morbidly obese"). however, if you look up pretty much any information on the formation of BMI as a scale... it's bullshit from the bottom up, and we don't have any science that really backs up the weight categories it produces as creating health outcomes.

beginning with the history of BMI development: eugenics all around! the creator of the BMI measurement was aiming to discover the socially ideal average man, not in any way connected to health. his work would then be referenced by Francis Galton, a very strong proponent of eugenics and creator of social Darwinism (literally: he was Darwin's cousin and one of the first few believers in evolution in his time and culture). around the 1970s, a paper regarding the search for a test of criteria for obesity determined that it was good enough compared to anything else they'd found - noting that it had significant limitations and was primarily only useful in comparison rather than as a direct measurement. interestingly, when the Big Obesity Scare of the 90s began, it had been reported that levels of obesity had sharply risen in America from the prior year... in between which, the BMI defining obesity was lowered.

as far as BMI's actual science and medical relevance goes, there's quite a lot of opinions! most seem desperate to cling to it despite very, very little evidence that BMI is a useful scale for anyone not in the particularly extreme ranges, and even then, defining "extreme" gets pretty dicey. BMI is not good at indicating what the weight itself is; muscle weighs more than fat, and BMI is not considered to be a good indicator of obesity in non-sedentary lifestyles (aka: anyone who works even a mildly physical job should not be judged by BMI, as it is statistically not a good indicator of their health). in addition, BMI statistically is useful as a comparative tool among specific demographics; my introductory stats class in college can tell you with ease that BMI is not meant to be used the same between different demographics, such as race, sex, and quite possibly many more factors.

further, all the things you hear about as "health" relating to BMI? cardiovascular events, diabetes, all that stuff? we pretty much have scientific consensus right now that studies are indicating an increase in weight as an early indicator of diabetes rather than diabetes being caused by higher weight. a variety of cardiovascular studies have found, to the clear confusion of the researchers and their biases, that cardiovascular events are more likely to be fatal in individuals not considered "overweight". I'd highly recommend checking out the referenced statistics on the Wikipedia page regarding actual health correlations, as well as the limitations of its use.

why is this important?

frankly, popular understanding of what obese, overweight, etc. mean is absolute shit and useless. your health is far better indicated by how you feel. attempting to lose weight when it isn't necessary appears to cause more harm than not - not a single diet has ever been found to consistently reduce weight in individuals for more than a year, while studies point to significant health problems being caused by the stress on bodies undergoing rapid weight change, such as that caused by on/off dieting. in general, our bodies seem to be pretty darn good at regulating to a weight that is best for them unless another medical problem is interfering. in those cases, treating the underlying condition is quite a bit more important for your health impact.

if you're interested in learning more about weight, obesity, diets, and the history of the social movements around them, I'd highly recommend listening to the podcast Maintenance Phase (or reading the transcripts, available via their site!), or reading the book Aubrey wrote - “You Just Need to Lose Weight”: And 19 Other Myths About Fat People. if you listen to Maintenance Phase, I'd say the big episodes to consider are below. all episodes list their sources, and independent research I've done after listening to episodes frequently leads me to believe they're just about understating the problems they've found, due to not having the time to get into some details.

School Lunches, P-Hacking and the Original "Pizzagate"

The Body Mass Index

The Body Mass Index

i hate how people use overweight as a supposedly ~inoffensive~ alternative to just saying fat. like yeah fat has negative connotations but it’s also a literal descriptor of a physical quality. meanwhile overweight by its fucking definition necessitates that we consider there to be an ideal weight and that the person we are referring to exceeds it unacceptably. i’m not over any goddamn weight thanks very much i weigh whatever the fuck i weigh. my body is not for you to fucking appraise

[impostoradult]

one of my hotter takes is I don't actually think you can make a lot of workplaces "neurodivergent friendly"

I follow a few LinkedIn people who try to train workplaces and managers to be more 'inclusive' of neurodivergence. and while I think that's an admirable goal, I don't think it can be achieved without RADICALLY changing how workplaces operate on a fundamental level. and I just don't see that as a realistic prospect

a lot of inclusivity training around gender/ sexuality/ race/ ethnicity/ religion/etc CAN actually be helpful because it is mostly teaching people how not to say and do offensive things in a work context (typically independent of the actual work that is being done 98% of the time).

to make workplaces neurodivergent inclusive, you'd have to retrain EVERYONE on ALL basic communication. How they talk to one another, how they write emails and slack messages (the content, the number of them, the timing), how they conduct meetings, etc. you'd also have to completely change a lot of workflows. you'd have to level a lot of your basic processes and norms, and re-start FROM SCRATCH. and you'd have to significantly alter habits of MOST of the employees to do this.

it's a whole other level/degree of change. and most employers simply are not going to take on that level of radical change.

I think advocates for neurodivergent inclusivity have to think more broadly about how to address the this issue, rather than acting like it can be addressed through simple inclusivity seminars. you might be able to make some very marginal improvements like that. but you aren't going to address the FUNDAMENTAL issue that way. labor and communication norms would have to be revised on a societal level for it to actually have substantial impact

[grison-in-space]

Hi fellow neuroscientist and animal behavior observer! What's up? It's a weird ass time to be a scientist in the US right now. Like there's the doom and despair taking up most of my brain but also I have a lab presentation in 1.5 weeks and my committee meeting two weeks after that. How do you make yourself focus on lab/science stuff?

I'm so sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you; I've been rotating this ask in my mind for over a week now. I hope your lab presentation went well, and I hope your committee meeting does, too. Bear in mind that I am reeling as much as anyone else, but... well, I have had a lot of things happen during my academic career, and I have had some practice with this by now. I was displaced from my home three or four times during grad school, and all but once that was because of climate change related flooding. (I actually cannot remember offhand. That kind of thing fucks with your ability to reckon in chronological time, which is why no one has been able to work out how years work since 2020 at latest.) I did my PhD in Texas, too, which gave me some exciting experiences around campus violence and guns.

But maybe the biggest thing for me is that I started grad school in 2012, right in time for the government sequester of 2013. That was the year Patty Brennan (of corkscrew duck penis fame) published an article in Animal Behaviour laying out helpful tips in case your research is targeted as "wasteful spending" by members of Congress seeking to reduce scientific funding. Brennan's work legitimately is groundbreaking--I started out close enough to her field to be able to say that almost no one was looking at vaginal anatomy when she started and she's really driven the field of reproductive conflict forward by systematically looking at methods by which females exert "cryptic choice" to control their own reproductive futures. But it sounds silly at first blush in a sound bite, so she immediately became a target when her work went viral. And that paper came out a decade ago, and we are no better than when we started.

I've gotten pretty good at working through grief and fear, and I've tangled with burnout more than once. So how do you handle it when everything is overwhelming and frightening?

You sketch out the work you can do, and you do it as best you can. Same as anyone else.

Here's the thing. You're a budding scholar. Whatever your field is, you probably know more about it than anyone who isn't a scholar in your field already, and you care about broader justice or you wouldn't be asking me this. This makes you a precious potential resource for whatever activist cause is nearest and dearest to your heart. You are placed, as a person whose career is focused on the pursuit of knowledge, in a position of great authority. Yes, even as a PhD student, although I do agree that having the PhD makes the things you say even more impactful. But you'd be surprised how far even just "PhD student" can go when you're making a stand.

You are a valuable voice when it comes to the intersection of your expertise and your community--and by that, I don't just mean your discipline and your geographical location; I mean your lived experiences and your identities too. If you burn out, your voice and effort may be completely irreplaceable. So make sure you don't burn out, but don't waste your potential to speak out, either. You can do that by working out what your "beat" is: pick one to two things you care really deeply about working on in the world, that you want to make better, and focus on those. Use your authority to make changes.

Currently, my "beat" is focused on disability justice (especially in terms of neurodivergence) and sex/gender, because those are communities I am part of and that I think deeply about. My work there can take a lot of forms: shoving hard on the pernicious medical thought process that tends to conceptualize disorder and disease as a deviation from a uniform functional population; pointing out the complexity inherent in sex differences and sex itself; building relationships with disabled academics to make networks for one another so that we can better support trainees as well as ourselves building alliances between disability justice scholars and researchers tackling these topics with an eye towards integrating the comments and interests of disabled people into the field of study that theoretically focuses on us. These are topics that tie into my research interests (context dependence, decisionmaking, strategy, developmental plasticity, etc) but also into my sense of justice and the communities in which I spend my life as an autistic queer butch.

Think about the things you care most about making better, and think about how those things intersect with your research interests. Is there a bathroom bill you could write a deposition for explaining how complicated sex actually is? A local news reporter who could use a scientist talking about the long term climate impacts of the new fracking project up the road? A new policy on immigrant familial separation that is going to lead to kids with major attachment issues down the line and increase the odds of terrible outcomes? Creative ways to send promising undergrads from underrepresented backgrounds on for new opportunities if you live in a state where DEI initiatives have been banned? (Man, that was an exhausting conversation to have with the North Carolina folks at my last conference. And the Floridians.) Where will your voice carry the most weight for the amount of energy you allocate to it?

Here's my best stab at practical advice for junior trainees:

Figure out what your limit for practical engagement is and defend it viciously. The thing about being in academia, and about having the PhD for that matter, is that it gives you a lot of leverage for speaking authoritatively about problems in your field and in your community. This, too, can be a form of activism and shaping the world. But if that's the weapon you are making out of your career, you can't also be an effective organizer on the ground for eight different local causes. You can't do everything at once, so pick a limited subset of things to focus on and work on those. Like academia, public impact will suck you dry if you let it, so you have to set boundaries and you have to be clear with yourself about that.

As always with research, your topic should be something you're interested in. Apply your priorities as a human being to your research. Move your project in directions you really care about and which are aligned with your values. Talk with your mentors about how you pitch that to other scientists in your field, of course, but if you're really shaken and scared by the political climate... well, better to apply that to your work than to not be able or interested in focusing on the work at all.

Look for things to celebrate and militantly celebrate them, even if it feels silly. You submitted a manuscript? Make a special dinner. You survived your committee meeting? Meet up with a couple of friends for coffee and cheering. You need things to cheer about, and your job is not going to naturally provide them, so lay out things you can celebrate and celebrate them even if you don't feel like you really achieved anything. (Your PI should help with this, but a lot of them don't. If your PI is absentee, try to find labmates or colleagues to celebrate when you can.) Joy and pride fuel us to keep going; make sure you are feeding them. You do not need money to make this happen, either: there are inexpensive ways to make things feel special, even if your stipend doesn't stretch nearly far enough.

Especially if your lab isn't full of people in your corner, make some friends who feel the same way you do about your "beat". Fellow activists (or just people who care) about your biggest priority are a great choice. Back in the day, I would have exhorted you to join Twitter to build that network; these days, I think most everyone is on Bluesky or Mastodon. You need people who get you and who are in your corner, and you need people who don't have power over your career to help you weather it when the storms rise.

People in the midst of despair don't know the future, either. There will be victories to come moving forward. It will be impossible to imagine them as you are today. The future is murky and uncertain, and you never know what battles you can win until you pitch them. Don't let anyone tell you a battle has been lost until you fight it, and don't make the mistake of thinking that what you do today doesn't matter intensely.

Life is iterative: it always starts from what you do today, and small aggregate decisions have a lot more power over the whole than any individual large one. If you don't like the direction you're going, you can always change direction for a while and see where you go. The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago; the second best time is now.

Find ways to take breaks completely from the political situation. Currently, I have just gotten into Minecraft for the first time, and I am playing a lot of stupid pixelated escapism games. You have to have time to recharge yourself away from all of it. Whatever that looks like to you is good enough. I need, personally, to get back into going for long walks in the woods; that one is one of my old reliable helpful ways to think without getting overwhelmed about it.

So. I don't know if anything has gotten better or worse for you over the last couple of weeks, but I hope for better for you. As for me... well, it's probably time to go back to my grant. We're short on funding going into this mess and who knows if the grant I'm writing for an explicitly DEI-oriented program will survive the coming hammer blows long enough to get it in. Even if it doesn't, I have a couple of book pitches I'll write up and a couple of suggestions for jobs along the way I can take. I can always redirect my effort to a new direction.

Take care of yourselves, friends.

[rhikasa]

(RE)INTRODUCTION

my name is erin (he/they) and i'm a 23 year old neurodivergent and queer writer. i decided it was time for a fresh start again and made a brand new blog.

i spend more time thinking about writing than actually committing to it since i'm still suffering from burnout these days, so snippets will be shared quite irregularly for the unforeseeable future. however, i'm not one to pass up rambling about my wips, given the opportunity.

i'm both ask and tag game friendly, just know that i can be slow to respond to both, so please be patient with me.

MY WRITING

you may find a list of all my wips on this post; all my stories include queer characters, and i'm rather fond of fantasy and tragedies (sorry not sorry). my stories deal with dark themes at times, and although i will do my best to give proper warnings when necessary, please tell me if there's anything you need tagged.

let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from any of my tag lists; promise i will not be offended if it's the latter.

NAVIGATION

my writing tags

general writing tag

character/wip rambles

flash fiction friday

other blog tags

tag games

answered asks

incorrect quotes

erin chats / erin speaks

writeblr tags

other writers

writing resources

writing references

writing inspiration

leaf divider by @/saradika (here)

[enemui]

⁉️What your favorite Genshin Impact character says about you🫵

🐰Amber: Your favorite Pokémon is Eevee and your favorite Sanrio character is My Melody.

🌹Lisa: You're not scared of smart women but you are scared of interesting women.

🛡️Noelle: You don't know shit and plan on keeping it that way.

🫧Barbara: You either sell or buy gamer girl bathwater.

🦇Fischl: You're quarter-delusional. Like, you are delusional, but sometimes you're aware that you are delusional.

☘️Bennett: You have a soft spot for miserable little creatures and you desperately need a bigger character trait than that.

🍖Razor: You love dogs, even if they're old, ugly little goblins.

🐱Diona: You love cats and hate alcohol. Those are two rare instances of you feeling strongly about anything.

🔮Mona: You were assigned financial irresponsibility at birth, and haven't managed to do anything to change your fate.

🗡️Rosaria: You think having a healthy biorhythm is overrated. You also look like a human cigarette.

🖌️Mika: You let your feelings of pity towards others control you.

🍀Klee: You're the fun parent. You probably own a spoiled pet.

🦴Sucrose: You actually love to talk, people just hate to listen.

🧪Albedo: You're gay and neurodivergent.

❄️Eula: You're weak to corporate tricks. You should really work on that.

🦚Kaeya: You're not known to have functional relationships and healthy coping mechanisms.

🦉Diluc: You think you could get an edgy boy to open up to you. You couldn't because the moment someone is even a little cold to you, you will cry.

🦁Jean: You always order the same thing from the menu. Not because it's your favorite, but because you're scared of trying anything new.

🍏Venti: If being horny and annoying was a sport, you'd be an Olympic athlete.

🐇Yaoyao: You can be sold anything with a cute mascot plastered on it.

🌶️Xiangling: You wonder how a lot of different things taste like and you need to be stopped.

🧊Chongyun: There's a great disparity between how you want to be perceived versus how you are actually perceived.

💦Xingqiu: You are knowingly annoying and don't plan to stop anytime soon.

🎸Xinyan: You're misunderstood, but you definitely don't make an effort to be anything else.

⚰️Hu Tao: Your self-proclaimed pranks have resulted in actual damages to people's mental and physical well-being.

🎼Yun Jin: You've projected onto your partner before to the point you lost the ability to identify their actual character.

🥥Qiqi: You aren't swayed by public opinions.

🐍Baizhu: Close the wikipedia tab with a list of terminal diseases, you're fine, just severely dramatic.

🏔️Shenhe: You've been in abusive relationships. Not sure if as the victim or perpetrator, but you were in them.

🎲Yelan: You'd be perfectly content as a housewife. Just do chores and read smut.

⚓️Beidou: You don't mind putting in the work to change things to be more to your liking.

💎Ningguang: You have no qualms sucking up to people for a bit of societal advantage.

🍤Keqing: You've entered relationships before, thinking you could change them. No, that absolutely did not go well for you.

⚖️Yanfei: It's not just your exes who suck, you have an entire toxic friend group.

🔔Ganyu: You have an elaborate power fantasy about quitting your job.

🫖Madame Ping: You're a classy lesbian.

⚙️Guizhong: You present your opinions as facts.

☁️Cloud Retainer: You've been in a situation when you've found your girlfriend's mom more attractive than your girlfriend.

🪽Xiao: You're non-binary and depressed.

🐉Zhongli: You need a man to kiss the back of your hand. Also you have a strained relationship with your father.

🍁Kaedehara Kazuha: You don't care about looks, only vibes. You're also addicted to adderall.

🍃Sayu: You are serious about the silly and silly about the serious. Sometimes it's funny, other times you deserve to be dropkicked into the sun.

🎁Kirara: You have a crippling addiction to adorable girls.

🦌Shikanoin Heizou: You are guilty of the "thinking with your dick/pussy". Don't try to deny it, you didn't even care until his birthday became a national holiday.

⚡️Kuki Shinobu: You have better things to do than a well-paying job, such as arson.

👹Arataki Itto: You are a size queen. You also think you're way more interesting than you actually are.

🎇Yoimiya: You've had a crush on the same person for the longest time and every time you think you're over them, they make a request of you and you jump on it like a dog.

👺Kujou Sara: You could probably use hormonal therapy.

🍡Thoma: You think appearances don't matter as long as he's nice. You're also a terrible judge of character, so all your exes are just overall shitty people.

🪭Kamisato Ayaka: You cannot survive without your established social circle. Were it not for the luxuries of civilization, you'd be dead in a ditch.

🧋Kamisato Ayato: You have no self-respect, if a slightly above average man tells you to do something, you'll do it.

🐕Gorou: You don't need a man, you need a dog.

🪸Sangonomiya Kokomi: You don't know how to dress well, but you really want a girlfriend who does.

🦊Yae Miko: You think as long as a woman is hot, she can do whatever the fuck she pleases.

🌸Raiden Ei: You've been in a relationship with an unmedicated mentally ill person and walked out of that experience having learned nothing.

🧞‍♀️Dori: The world would be better off without you.

🌻Tighnari: You have an attitude and you refuse to reign it in no matter how inappropriate for the situation it is.

🪴Collei: You either have no idea what you're doing or you should be in jail.

🪷Nilou: You live quite blissfully, but dealing with you isn't easy. This is called ignorance.

✨Layla: Your best exam results come from days when you showed up to class hungover and on 45 minutes of sleep.

📐Faruzan: Your family broke the generational curse, which somehow had a negative impact on your character.

🪻Candace: You are the mom friend, but only because you have to be. Like, you're a mess, but you're a lot less of a mess than your friends.

🌺Dehya: You can draw yourself symmetrical eyeliner.

🃏Cyno: You probably have a good moral compass, but you still aren't easy to get along with.

🦅Alhaitham: You're, like, severely delusional. You either think he's like you or that you could be on good terms with him. Both of those are clear signs of delusional behavior.

🕊️Kaveh: I hate to break it you, but buying stuffed animals can't substitute for going to therapy.

☂️Wanderer: Most of the time, you're really cute, but you can be absolutely terrifying if you so choose. You're also trans.

💉Dottore: You're fairly submissive but if someone makes you mad, you'll make sure they regret it.

🌱Nahida: You're addicted to winning arguments. You don't even need to be right, you just need to feel like you've won, even if you resort to the method of wearing a person down until they no longer want to continue debating with you.

🌂Navia: You have leadership skills specifically in the "do as I say, not as I do" department.

🐧Freminet: You're non-binary and have anxiety.

🎩Lynette: You're very patient but you'd rather not be.

🪄Lyney: You have a dark secret and the dark secret is that you're actually a Danganronpa girlie.

🍷Arlecchino: You're not a good person but you genuinely don't think it's that bad.

⚔️Clorinde: You have fallen prey to misinformation on numerous occasions before.

🩹Sigewinne: You'd sacrifice your liver to keep a person happy.

🐺Wriothesley: You can be appeased by an act of hot girl shit.

🌊Neuvillette: You need a man to kiss the back of your hand. Also you have a strained relationship with your mother.

💧Furina: You're delusional. Could be affectionate, could be derogatory, it varies from person to person.

🦟Paimon: You don't know shit but you have an opinion on everything.

🐋Tartaglia: Your exes all belong in jail. So does your current and next partner. You never fucking learn, do you?

💰Pantalone: You don't need a healthy relationship, you need a sugar daddy.

🖤Capitano: You are, amongst other things, a monsterfucker. You want to be destroyed, but, like, lovingly.

🎀Columbina: You are a mix of a pomeranian and a Biblically accurate angel.

🎭Pierro: You are fatherless on an Olympic level. You don't need a father, you need a daddy.

💫Lumine: You're a hot girl. You're either stupid or evil, but you're a hot girl. If you're not a girl, you are a red flag.

☄️Aether: You have a crippling crop top addiction and you have no idea what to do with your hair.

🌌Dainsleif: You date people before getting to know them, but don't understand why you don't get along with your partners.

[psychabolition]

do you have any thoughts or opinions you'd like to share on the concept of "recovery"? id be glad to see your take if you feel like talking about it

I think whats especially interesting about the concept of recovery is the moral obligation to 'recover'. The question is why do we feel like we need to pathologize certain behavior/feelings/desire? I think the answer to that is that it relieves shame to say that its a disease causing us to not be able to do something that is expected societally. Its easier to say that you have a disease that makes you do/think/feel 'bad/immoral things' instead of feeling like you ARE a bad person for thinking/feeling/doing 'bad/immoral things'.

But what if it isnt immoral to want to kill yourself? What if you arent a bad person for wanting and/or needing to use drugs? What if your inability to work/study/go to school isnt bad and wrong and makes you have less worth in our society? All of these things are literally morally neutral if you think about it, even if they arent coming from a 'disease' in your mind/brain.

Also, to take it a step further, what if we stop seperating us into our mind/brain (which is diseased and ill and dysfunctional and that wants to kill us/harm us) and our 'Real' Self that is Healthy and that wants to Live and Thrive? If we think about it, we ARE our minds and body and brain.

In a world where our struggles arent atomized, individualized and blamed onto us by calling our minds diseased instead of asking what real tangible societal/communal issues cause our real and justified distress, we could finally stop blaming ourselves (/our minds/brains) for the way we experience distress/pain/neurodiversity and the ways which we dont fit into this ill society. In a world where we are able to truly look after each other our needs will be centred and madness will not be seen as an individual failing but a greater incentive to solidify our communities.

Also I think the concept of recovery sucks in general. We deserve better than carceral systems seeking to "recover" our compliance and productivity in service of the state & capital. In my experience (as sb who was labelled with extremely stigmatizing labels like aspd/npd/...) if you dont embrace this concept of the 'recovery' that psychologists force onto you then you are denied your personhood+ the 'social absolution that embracing "recovery" offers.

I was told that 'I dont know whats good for me' in therapy. That my recovery 'goals' are something that Im too ill to set for myself (because what I want for myself doesnt align with what they/society expects of me). They tried to coerce me into taking/staying on meds that made it easier for them to deal with me (antipsychotics/mood stabilizers), not meds that actually made me feel better. I confused them to no end because I never suffered from the things that THEY said I suffer from (like for example hallucinations - to me they were a reaction to stress similiar to crying. I dont suffer from hallucinations in the same way others dont suffer from crying 😂). I personally am firmly anti-recovery. I dont plan on becoming more normal ,Im fine with being mad. Especially since I met people who actually value and like me for my neurodivergency/neurononconformity. Finding community made me feel so much better without having to literally change my whole personality (remember: Im diagnosed with personality disorders)

Thank you for your ask!

[dollypopup]

look, y'all can all gleeful cancel me for this #unpopular opinion if you want, but even IF Nicola wasn't nominated for the comedy section and it was her and Luke head to head in best drama?

I'd still vote for him

because I genuinely and truly think his acting is INCREDIBLE. and I think he's one of the better actors on Bridgerton full stop. I love the nuance he brings to Colin as a character, I love how he so fully embodies him as a character and that Colin has similarities to him, but is fully different at the same time. Colin does not talk like Luke, walk like Luke, even fidget like Luke. He has his own character beats and yes, sometimes parts of Luke bleed into him, such as with the head tilt, but the voice is different, softer, the movements of Colin as a character are distinct to me, he delivers humor well ('you'd already be dead?') and his decisions for Colin as a character are ICONIC (I'm never forgetting that dress adjustment with specific fingers was all him). Colin had a harder go of it than a lot of leads because his story isn't as loud- he doesn't get a lot of big, dramatic moments to have big dramatic acting, and honestly the show didn't give him a lot of screentime in the first place. But when he does have poignant emotional moments? They feel REAL. He isn't given as much time with the audience as other characters are and he doesn't go for the broad strokes with his acting, so sometimes I think he can get lost in some of the louder acting, but that doesn't negate the fact that he's GOOD. He's a good ass actor. He plays Colin like Colin is an actual person.

And for me? For me, that hits home. Even with truncated time on his own season (yeah, I'm still bitter), he delivers every single time. Anger, betrayal, longing, heartache, silly awkward humor, heat- and he does all of those emotions BELIEVABLY. I watched Luke Newton depict Colin falling in love so beautifully and so realistically, I HAVE NO CHOICE but to give him his flowers. Just because he's not as heavy in the hustle as other actors are (please remember this is a neurodivergent actor with anxiety and dyslexia, mental health is important and it's good he took a break ) doesn't mean he's not a fantastic actor. And if you've ever seen his depiction in The Shape of Things? The man is excellent.

I think Bridgerton has a lot of 'big moves' actors. And that's fine. Many people prefer that. But I prefer the nuanced moments and the softer beats of it all, and I think if the camera had allowed us as an audience a longer glimpse into moments with Colin, we'd all be even more floored. I can watch gifs of his scenes over and over and over again and find something new every time.

So y'all can sit there and accuse others of a 'pity vote' but idgaf. Luke Newton is one of the best actors on that show. And I stand by that. Eat me.

[cripplecharacters]

hello! feel free to ignore me if this is slightly outside the boundaries of this account, but i'm a tabletop roleplaying game (ttrpg) designer looking for opinions on mechanics for disability in games.

my game specifically covers a lot of themes that, while not about disability, would make me feel remiss to not include some explicit mention of how physically/mentally disabled characters fit into the greater picture of the game. it has a specific focus on telling stories of diverse characters, for one, and on fighting the unfair capitalist systems that harm these marginalized groups.

my issue lies in how, exactly, to both treat this topic respectfully and make the characters not feel out of place or unbalanced. i've considered several options, and was curious to hear from a physically disabled perspective how to proceed (i am mentally ill & neurodivergent, but to my knowledge not physically disabled).

option one: mention that disabled characters of all kinds are encouraged, and talk about roleplaying them or provide resources for how to handle them respectfully, but don't apply any specific rules with hard mechanics or numbers to them. this option is least likely to be inadvertently misconstrued or written poorly on my part, but may make disability feel like a "flavour" side note.

option two: provide examples for some common disabilities on the mechanical effects (such as a low vision character rolling less dice on rolls to notice visual details) without any "counteracting" mechanics. this one gives mechanical weight to disability, so it feels less like an afterthought, but may discourage people from playing disabled characters as they would be more likely to fail than other characters.

option three: the above, but with mechanical incentives for roleplaying in a way that acknowledges the character's disability. a "benefit", but less "giving a blind character echolocation" and more "gain XP for showing your characters disability and any aids they use" (similar mechanics exist for following your character's goals/personality traits). this would make disabled characters be more on par mechanically with other characters, but i fear it may come across as... viewing disabled characters as not worth it without some sort of benefit, i suppose?

apologies for the long rambling message, but i'd love to hear which of these options (or another suggestion) you'd be happiest to see in a game written by someone who isn't physically disabled! this is far from the focus of my game, but it's still an important part of the greater theme that i'd love to be able to get right. thanks! (similarly, if there are any groups not covered in the "underrepresented but common disabilities" post from your FAQ that you'd want to see in a game, i'd also be happy to hear those!)

Hello!

First things first, thank you so much for thinking about this! This isn't something that most TTRGs consider and, as a massive nerd who plays DND, Pathfinder, and other tabletop games, this has always been a big pet peeve of mine since making a disabled character is always unnecessarily hard to do with the game mechanics and rarely works out well.

Most of the time, I have to talk to my GM about how to make it work in their game and, unfortunately, I'm often told they won't allow it because it's "too much trouble".

This is all just to say, I really love the idea here and the fact that you're actually thinking about these things and wanting to do well by them is great!

Now, taking a look at the options:

Option One

One of the unfortunate things that I see a lot is people that are too scared to get something wrong with representation (Or social justice on a broader scale) that they don't try to do it at all. With this current era of cancel culture and people's reactions to what they deem 'offensive', it's understandable to be a bit apprehensive but if you're approaching the subject from a place of respect and you're receptive to learning and improving, most people will appreciate the effort.

While this option does sidestep the main issue you've identified, I do think it sidesteps the attempt at making disability part of your game as well. You can encourage people to make disabled characters all you want but without any real content for them in the game, it won't do much.

If you do go with this option, I'd strongly suggest including some information on the culture of your world and how it relates to disability, both to provide more substance to the content and to give players a bit to go off of when making a disabled character.

Option Two

I like this option much more than the first one, though I do agree that it may discourage people from choosing to play a disabled character.

Within the game mechanics, I think it makes a lot of sense to have these kinds of effects but I would encourage you to include more variety with it. Disability isn't 'one size fits all' and two disabled people can have different needs, strengths, and experiences -- even if they have the exact same disability. Instead, I'd suggest going for a slightly different model that includes more choices.

For example, a character with low vision may:

- Roll lower on perception checks involving vision

or

- Have disadvantage with ranged weapons/attacks

or

- Have lower rolls/less success in dim lighting

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Having more options for how the character's disability affects them allows players to make a choice for how they want to play the character while also encouraging them to think more about how their character's disability might affect them and impact their life.

The examples given are all reflections of how blindness can affect somebody. Blind spots or blurry vision can make it more difficult to notice certain visual changes, severe nearsightedness can make it difficult to aim/focus on things that are far away, night blindness can make it difficult to see in the dark or in dim lighting, etc. That being said, there are dozens of other ways to go about this (Though I'd advise sticking to five options per disability at most to avoid overwhelming people).

Option Three

Personally, I like this one and the second option the most. Although I understand where your concerns are coming from, it feels less like it's implying that disabled characters have to be 'worth it' and more like it's just balancing it out.

Like with the second option, I'd suggest going for more of a choice model here where the player can pick what 'benefit' (For lack of better word) that their character has -- or even to choose no benefit at all.

Many physically disabled people develop our own skills or tools to compensate for where we struggle, whether this is an intentional decision or just something that happens.

For example, my boyfriend is paralyzed from the waist down and uses a wheelchair full time. As a result, he has kick-ass upper body strength from it.

Similarly, many deaf and hard of hearing people are more observant when it comes to visual cues and many blind people are more sensitive to other senses (Though, of course, the whole 'super senses' thing is a myth).

While this isn't true of all disabilities or all disabled people in general, it is something worth considering.

That being said, if you do decide to implement this option, make sure that the benefit makes sense for the disability or is related in some way and isn't just something random being tacked on -- that would make it seem more like a 'disabled characters need to be worthwhile' thing.

As a few extra notes:

If you go with the second or third option, I'd suggest separating the different stat effects into different types of disabilities. You don't need to go too into specifics with it but something like 'low vision/blindness/vision loss', 'deafness/hearing loss', 'limited mobility', and 'chronic illness' would work. While disabilities are more nuanced than this in real life, setting it up this way would keep it pretty simple and allow players to tweak the mechanics slightly for their own characters.

If you go with the first option, I'd probably avoid discussing how to roleplay disabled characters. Because roleplay and character development is much more open than stats and game mechanics are, showing one or two 'proper' ways to play a disabled character is more likely to reinforce stereotypes, dismiss certain experiences that disabled people have, or just come across as more of a 'lecture' than anything. The same goes for including information on what to avoid. I'd stick to providing information about your world and how disabilities are seen in them instead of giving instructions here.

I'd suggest including ways for players to bypass the mechanics of disability if they'd like to, even if their character is disabled. That would allow for a bit more freedom with how they portray their character and would also ensure that they aren't being 'penalized' (For lack of a better term) with their stats for playing a disabled character. As a bit of an example of what I mean: A character in DND could have been a criminal growing up without necessarily taking the Criminal/Spy background.

In general, I think as long as you're approaching this respectfully (Which you are!) and reaching out to physically disabled people for their input (Which you are!), you don't have to worry too much about misrepresenting it.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[gremlinmodetweeker]

König aka The Human Weighted Blanket pt 1

Let it be known by anyone and everyone that, based on my stupid quick google searches, only less 4% of US men are taller than König. Less than 1% of women in the US are taller than König. So, if I'm guessing that the majority of english speaking fans are in North America or Europe (and this is a very uneducated rough guess), which are two places with very tall people, then I am going to make the uneducated guess that König has probably met only at most 5 people in his entire life that are taller than him. The likelihoods of you being in that 5 are slim, so bear with me when I choose to write a YN shorter than König. Again, forgive me for being a bit discriminatory when writing here, but if you'd like a post for taller YNs, please tell me.

Okay, so, König is big, we just covered this in the above paragraph. But the thing is, height is one thing. Weight is another. To keep a man like König fit, he eats a lot of food, and I think he builds to be a broad man as well as a tall man. This is someone who makes a door frame look small when he ducks through it (which btw, average standard door height is 6'8). So with such a big body, such immense strength, he has learned to be a very gentle man.

König is the type of person who really makes an effort to control himself. He has extraordinary self discipline that he makes an effort to exert every day. He's not the kind of guy to be caught slacking in this department. He's not gentle to an effeminate state, he's still a big gruff man, but if he wanted to he could crush a watermelon with his hands. He is quite careful when opening bags of chips. As a teenager, his mother would have him vacuum up his messes, which is probably what drilled this principle into his head.

So this is where you come in.

König is always gentle and careful with the amount of force he puts on other people. When you tell him to lay on you, he's a bit confused.

It doesn't matter if you're 4'8 or 6'9, he's going to be worried about you. Obviously more if you're a pipsqueak (like me, hehe), but even if you're tall and strong like him he'll still be nervous. He really isn't used to this sort of request. Who the heck asks for this? Who tells him to do this?

If you're asking just because you want him to, he's much more hesitant. Why would you want to be crushed? He's never really heard of such a thing. He can't understand why. Sure, he'll do it, but you probably won't get his full weight (not until he realizes that you're serious about this, at least). He doesn't lay on you for long, and he doesn't push you in any way, and instead is constantly asking if you're alright because he's worried he'll break you. He is so confused.

If you're neurodivergent or something, then he'll understand a bit more, but he'll still be nervous. It'll take less convincing to get him to relax, but still he'll worry. After all, you're a human being and he doesn't want to hurt you. He especially doesn't want to hurt you because you asked for him to do something nice for you. That would devastate him.

Now, the thing that will crush him. If you're having an anxiety attack, you needn't tell him twice. He'll do anything to help. Genuinely. He knows what anxiety attacks are like himself. He'd never wish that pain on anyone else. So if you manage to string the words together to ask for help (and I am so proud of you for being so strong), he'll do it for you without a second of hesitation. Well, somewhat. He'll lay on you, yes, but he'll hold back a bit. It might take you telling him you'll be alright for him to fully relax himself. So yes, you will need to remind him you're okay, but only once. Then he'll do it for you. And the next time you have a panic attack, he'll do it again without you having to ask again. He'll do it for you whenever he can.

[scarab-unmasked]

Reposted discord ramble but

Urghhhh i love the idea of scarab having straight up body/voice dysmorphia/dysphoria over his natural maskless face and voice (since his voice is shown to be higher pitched and raspy with his mask completely removed) and it drives me insane that I dont really think I've seen content focusing on that!!! Like you'd think with the mask being such an integral part of his character there'd be fanfics and comics analysing that part of him but noooooo

Like considering it took a literal mental breakdown to make him go maskless for more than a brief second, and that he uses his exposed face as an intimidation tactic to invoke fear and disgust in other people, its clear to me this mf has self-image issues of some kind

Not to mention the 'masking' metaphor for autism and other neurodivergent conditions...

[grison-in-space]

Hello!

Since my elderly cat just died, I’m starting to bat around the idea of seriously training an at-home service cat. Pesterbot, routine nudges, maybe as much grounding pressure as they can give me (time for a big fluffy boy?), and if they pick up on med-alert cues, great.

I’ve chatted with the local rescue already - I figure I want one cat whose early life and temperament have set them up for secure attachment and assertiveness, and another to be a buddy for them, ok if they’re more skittish of humans. Ideally ~6-8 mo so the adult personality has started to show but I still have some relatively early socialization window.

Any thoughts on rescue vs breeder, breed, how to look for a breeder who *actually* values temperament and health, the odds of known ancestors and a known-good early life making that much of a difference? I’m liking the look of the forest cats (especially NFCs and Siberians) but also, $$$$ (though with a purebred cost is probably just something to plan for)? Or anything I’m missing in thinking through this?

No, I think you've hit just about everything that occurs to me. With a purebred cat(s), you're dealing with a history of selection that might be a little curtailed, which means you'll want to look for genetic disorders known to run in that line of cats and also that you will want to cross-reference opinions from multiple people in the breed if you can. With a rescue cat, you're looking at a whole lot of unknowns that can be really hard to predict, especially with respect to temperament at maturity.

I am not sure that NFCs or Siberians are the best temperamental range for that kind of work, though: you want an opinionated and socially oriented cat, and my understanding of the reputation of the forest cats is that they're like... slightly more active Ragdolls? I'd ping in @pangur-and-grim and @followthebluebell for assessments of breed temperaments. You're also going to want a relatively active cat who is interested in watching what you're doing and responding to your environment: remember, you'd be paying this cat to come interact with you when you're stuck / when an alarm goes off, and you'll have the most success with that if your cat likes thinking and moving with you.

This is also the sort of cat my spouse and I like best--active, bold, interested in interaction, easily bored--and we've been eyeing up some potential purebred options as well as considering rescue after, well, my last rescue kitten developed severe pica at around six months. That's less likely to happen to you with a 6-9mo adolescent kitten--I got Arthur at 10 weeks and he was obviously neurodivergent in some way by then, if only by virtue of his blindness--but it was pretty catastrophic for his ability to have unfettered access to me, for example.

From my perspective, the biggest benefit of purebred cats are that a lot of the cat breeds have selected clearly for specific ranges of temperament over time. It's definitely going to be easier to find someone else going "a bossy, energetic cat who wants to be Interacting With You frequently? boy howdy, I'd love that!" among the ranks of, well, Serious Cat People.... which includes a lot of cat breeders, but not a ton of cat owners. A lot of people seem to pick cats based on color, proximity, and kitten cuteness, which still blows my mind a bit coming from dogs!

I can tell you straight up that the best way to pick a rescue cat by temperament is to (ideally) aim for a foster based rescue, contact an adoption coordinator directly, and explain that you are looking for a cat based on personality rather than based on looks, that you're looking for a fairly high-demand cat, and ask them if any candidates come to mind. (My experience is that not caring about appearance and being open to cats which are not very young kittens motivates those coordinators to think of their favorite individual cats to suggest.)

You could also look for local cat trainers in your area--a specialty that is getting increasingly popular! look near veterinary behaviorists or cat-only vets--and see if they have recommendations, since they probably have a lot of experience with high-demand cats and people who invest a lot into their cats in your area. Basically, find yourself a way to talk to people who have interacted with a lot of the cats locally up for adoption, especially because the ideal temperament for a service cat is not necessarily going to be everyone else's cup of tea for a pet cat.

I can tell you that a big chunk of the people I have found actively breeding for that kind of temperament are involved with the various wildcat cross breeds, particularly Bengals (which is where I'd start rather than Savannahs or Chausies, personally: it's easier to find F5+ individuals, especially if you're looking for people who are really interested in breeding for trainability). My sense with the purebreds based on my reading is that Abyssinians or, if you can find them, Havana Browns might also be worth a look.

Consider if and when approaching a breeder or rescue: what are you going to do if one or both potential cats wash out of service work? Would you rehome them and try again? (To whom?) Would you keep them as ESAs and add a third cat? The natural concern that a lot of people will have about being approached for a service animal, especially one like a cat, is "what happens if it doesn't work out?" I think your plan is to go "well then I still have pet cats," but that should be clear to your potential cat sources, too.

But anyway, that's why I tagged Greer and Bluebell: both of them have way more personal experience with cat breeders and purebred cats than I do, and I think they'd be good resources if you want to aim in a more purpose-bred direction.