#nesta archeron is autistic coded

[fenrysmoonbeamswife]

Masterpost #2

Topic: Nesta Archeron is autistic coded

Black and white thinking

This is a case of seeing things in a very right or wrong, no inbetween way, and struggling with abstracts and grey areas and this is how I would describe Nesta's way of viewing almost everything.

Eg. The way she acts towards Elain and Feyre in ACOTAR, it's practical and very clear to her.

"But I knew that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not my father, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin and that I could fight my own battles. But Elain, the flower grower, the gentle heart, Nesta would go down swinging for her."

Nesta knows that Feyre doesn't need her and that she's capable of fighting her own battles. She sees this in a very black and white way and doesn't waste time pretending because it's very simple to her. In this instance, Elain needs her and Feyre doesn't. Therefore, she directs all of her attention on Elain.

Nesta always dedicates herself fully to one issue and the thing that has to be done, the practical thing. She doesn't half ass it, she doesn't split her attention between two things when one is absolutely necessary and the other isn't.

Now, this doesn't mean that she sees Feyres protection as unnecessary or doesn't care about Feyre. You can even see that Feyre herself doesn't see it that way, Nesta just knows how capable Feyre is and how Elain is the one who needs protection in this case. While Nesta is quite an emotional person, when it comes to things like this she sets that aside and it's all from a completely practical sense. You could even argue that her emotions actually fuel her practicality to an even greater extent. I would also say that Feyre actually sees it this way as well.

Not understanding/caring about social niceties

This ties in with the previous point. The socially acceptable response to Feyre looking after herself is to pander to her (we even see this in the fandom villainize Nesta for not doing this) and offer help even when it would be rejected or hinder what Feyre is doing. Which it would be, I mean, Feyre doesn't need Nesta's help and I believe she would tell her that. People seem to view this situation as one sided but I think it's very clear that both Nesta and Feyre have the same views on their living situation.

We should remember that when Feyre started hunting Nesta did try to help. She asked Feyre to show her how to hunt (because that was the practical choice) and then when it turned out that she was no good at hunting but that Feyre was very good, the next practical move was for Feyre to continue doing the work that she was good at and for Nesta to do the work in the house which she was good at and was also necessary for their living. Nesta understands this and she doesn't feel the need to waste time when she knows the answer and she knows what's required of her. The offer to continue helping to hunt might be the more polite/socially expected thing to do or an expected way to show that she cares but societal expectations are what dictate that this is how you show you care and to Nesta it's impractical and not what they need so it's an empty and pointless gesture. Logic shows her that Feyre can take care of herself so Nesta focuses on where she's actually needed and where she can actually help. In this case that's protecting Elain and doing the more domestic work.

However, when Feyre does need her and Elain doesn't, Nesta does everything in her power to help Feyre while leaving Elain.

Eg. When Tamlin takes Feyre, Nesta leaves Elain and goes to save her. This is not exclusive to Elain, this is just an example, it's just how Nesta is. It's the same when she protects Cassian in ACOWAR, when she shares her story with the high lords, when she becomes the human emissary. Nesta doesn't waste time protecting those who can protect themselves, she puts all her focus on protecting those who can't.

Black and white thinking .2

Nesta's black and white thinking also applies to how she views the world and the people around her.

Eg. The way she views her father. Her resentment and hatred for him are completely full on, he did bad so he is a bad person. She wants nothing to do with him and it's as simple as that. He allowed her to be abused, he let their mother die, he let them starve, he doesn't try and he neglects them so she hates him completely and utterly.

And don't get me wrong, these feelings are completely valid. I'm not saying this is wrong of her, it's just how she is and I'm totally on her side.

Easily manipulated

This is also why it's so easy for a narcissist like Papa Archeron to manipulate her in ACOWAR, which is a really common autistic experience. It's very common for autistic people to be manipulated and to be around abusive people.

When things are in simple good and bad, black and white terms, they're easy for Nesta to work out. Her father is bad, he doesn't do anything to contradict that and there are no good and bad actions there's just bad. Then we see she struggles with the grey area when things seem to change. Her father brings ships to help them and then dies defending her, supposedly, and this makes it more complicated, it's not as clear cut. Now he's good and bad and there's "evidence" for both and she can't handle it. She feels confused and upset and she can't place her own feelings, which is actually also an autistic trait, because things can't be put in a black and white box anymore. There is a lifetime of bad but this last act is good which challenges the absolute way she views things. Suddenly he isn't an absolute and she can't process it, that on top of this final act being extremely manipulative results in all of that shame that we see her experience. This manipulation mixed with her black and white thinking causes the blame to turn into self hate rather than be placed where it rightly belongs.

Black and white .3

Nesta deals in these black and white extremes for almost everything. It's yes or no, the word maybe doesn't really exist to her.

"What happened to Tomas Mandray?" I asked, the words strangled. "I realized he wouldn't have gone with me to save you from Prythian." And for her, with that raging, unrelenting heart, it would have been a line in the sand.

Before, Nesta said that she loved Tomas. It's debatable whether that was actually true but she was going to marry him and move out and then she completely changes her mind because of how she views this action. She has a set view on right and wrong and immediately draws that line in the sand with Tomas when he chooses the "bad" or "wrong" action. It completely changes how she sees and feels about him because she functions based on absolutes, no grey areas. This is how she views the world and the people in it. She sees going to save Feyre as the only option, it's the right thing to do so it's the only thing to do and when he doesn't do that or align with that he's completely changed to her.

Even with Rhysand we see that she doesn't like him as a person, he's arrogant and an asshole and she does not like him, end of story. But, that practical side of her acknowledges that he is a good ruler (debatable👀) and has done a lot for his people. She can acknowledge both the good and the bad here because it's still black and white. Rhysand as a person is bad, Rhysand as a ruler is good.

TBC

[highfaelucien]

Can u imagine if sjm hadnt been a coward and had written Nesta as explicitly autistic and not just autistic coded? God. The power. The revolution. The ICON.

[fenrysmoonbeamswife]

sensory overload at work (barista) is another level of hell

me in 2.5 seconds if anyone even looks at me funny

[fenrysmoonbeamswife]

Masterpost #2

Topic: Nesta Archeron is autistic coded

Poor at reading nonverbal communication

Eg. In ACOTAR Nesta and Feyre argue about Tomas Mandray and I believe Feyre is just being practical when she tells Nesta that she won't be able to marry Tomas because his family can't afford it. However, Nesta doesn't see what she's implying and believes that Feyre is just trying to hurt her. Especially because Nesta feels like a burden, she takes in Feyre's words at face value and without context and responds in a way that seems appropriate.

I'm not at all blaming her, I definitely struggle with this myself. It also probably would have helped if Feyre had explained and provided the context because Nesta doesn't say it if it's not said to her but the Archeron sisters weren't exactly taught communication skills so I'm not blaming either of them.

No concept of social protocols

"Nesta only said, "Why do your eyes glow?" Little curiosity, just a blunt need for explanation. "They never dared asked me that either." "Why?" "Because it is not polite to ask and they are afraid."

No one has ever ever asked Amren this because it is deemed impolite and they are able to pick up on the "fuck off" vibe that Amren has and Nesta doesn't really sense any of that, or at least if she does she doesn't care. She has a question, so she asks it. Everyone is basically freaking out over this in the background and Nesta is totally relaxed, she absolutely doesn't think of this as a big deal. She doesn't think first, she just blurts out the question and then also questions why nobody has ever asked Amren before. She still hasn't picked up on the atmosphere in the room and she genuinely doesn't see that she may have crossed the line. And I say may because even I thought that this was a bit of a ridiculous situation while I was reading and it was one of the moments where I related to her a lot.

The biggest thing about Nesta that made me start thinking she was autistic coded is the way people say that she is so cruel etc because I never saw her that way and still don't. She can come across as mean and I can see why people interpret her that way, they do it to autistic people every day, but I never thought of her as downright cruel and it baffles me that people see her that way. She is very blunt and that's a huge experience that autistic people go through where you're blunt but you're misinterpreted as mean or cruel and I think Nesta experiences that quite a lot.

"What do you want?" I felt the blow like a punch to my gut. "At least immortality hasn't changed some things about you." Nesta's look was nothing short of icy. (This last part could also be seen as an autistic trait, with the facial expressions.) "Is there a purpose to this visit? Or may I return to my book?"

I can see people reading this as Nesta being mean but I just didn't see it that way personally and honestly when I first read it I thought Feyres punch to the gut statement was so dramatic. Nesta's focus is always pragmatic and this is similar to when she questions Amren, she's blunt but just trying to understand. In this case she wants to know if there is a specific reason that Feyre has come to see her and if she needs or wants something. I really don't believe that she's trying to hurt Feyre, I think she just wants an explanation and doesn't add any social niceties that are usually deemed required in these situations.

This comes back to the practical thinking. Nesta is reading and Feyre interrupts her so she assumes there's a reason for the interruption and she wants to know if Feyre wants something and if she doesn't, can she go back to her reading. This seems hurtful to Feyre because people tend to expect those social niceties and automatically read blunt as cruel. But I really don't think Nesta is trying to be cruel. She's a blunt and practical person and she doesn't waste time adding filler when she speaks. She seems to have a step by step thought process and it doesn't include any societal expectations. Whereas most people will ignore that instinctive step by step thought process in favour of upholding social niceties because in these interactions it can come across as cold to say exactly what you mean or what you're thinking. But that's what Nesta does and people just assume that she's being rude or cruel.

Difficulty socializing/interacting with people

This also ties in with the blunt trait, but in general Nesta isn't really a people person for the most part. Before ACOSF she really only has Elain, which could be because she has spent the most time with her so she has learned to read or understand her which makes her more comfortable with Elain than anyone else. This difficulty socializing also ties into how Nesta seems to find it difficult to make and keep friends. In ACOTAR we see that she is always alone. In the manor, Elain returns to socializing with nobles but Nesta doesn't. She withdraws from friends, aquaintences and even the staff.

"She hardly talks to anyone and I feel wretched when my friends pay a visit because she makes them so uncomfortable when she stares at them in that way of hers."

This could also be seen as autistic behaviour, people being uncomfortable around her and the staring. It's very common for autistic people to struggle with eye contact, whether that's doing it too much or not enough. Nesta does it too much and it's clearly a habit.

Preferring to be alone

This is common for autistic people. The world and people are just really confusing and exhausting so being alone can be the only time that we feel comfortable and I think this definitely applies to Nesta. We only ever really see her totally relaxed when she's alone. She is the the most comfortable when she's reading in the library in the House of Wind. There are no other people, there's no one to figure out, there's no one making judgements, and she can just be herself. However, we see that as soon as other people are there she is tense again.

The library and the House of Wind could also tie into the sensory aspect of autism. They're quiet, calm and comfortable. They aren't overwhelming and they're safe. The lighting isn't too bright, there are no people to navigate, no emotions to navigate.

"You don't mind going to the wall or doing to the Court of Nightmares but speaking to people is where you draw your line?"

This just screams autistic to me. I think sometimes we can come across as a bit silly because when we're determined we can achieve huge things just like anyone else but stick us in a room with people and ask us to socialize and it's our worst nightmare (this is very generalized I use "us" and "our" in a very general way but please keep in mind that it's a spectrum and not every autistic person will relate to the same points).

In this case, Feyre is asking Nesta to be at the centre of attention in a very major social event. Nesta likes to feel in control of herself and she wouldn't be in that situation. She would feel uncomfortable trying to communicate with and read people the whole time, especially when the spotlight would be on her. She would also be in a totally new place with people she doesn't know and that is extremely off putting to a lot of autistic people.

Masterpost #2

Topic: Nesta Archeron is autistic coded

Black and white thinking

This is a case of seeing things in a very right or wrong, no inbetween way, and struggling with abstracts and grey areas and this is how I would describe Nesta's way of viewing almost everything.

Eg. The way she acts towards Elain and Feyre in ACOTAR, it's practical and very clear to her.

"But I knew that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not my father, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin and that I could fight my own battles. But Elain, the flower grower, the gentle heart, Nesta would go down swinging for her."

Nesta knows that Feyre doesn't need her and that she's capable of fighting her own battles. She sees this in a very black and white way and doesn't waste time pretending because it's very simple to her. In this instance, Elain needs her and Feyre doesn't. Therefore, she directs all of her attention on Elain.

Nesta always dedicates herself fully to one issue and the thing that has to be done, the practical thing. She doesn't half ass it, she doesn't split her attention between two things when one is absolutely necessary and the other isn't.

Now, this doesn't mean that she sees Feyres protection as unnecessary or doesn't care about Feyre. You can even see that Feyre herself doesn't see it that way, Nesta just knows how capable Feyre is and how Elain is the one who needs protection in this case. While Nesta is quite an emotional person, when it comes to things like this she sets that aside and it's all from a completely practical sense. You could even argue that her emotions actually fuel her practicality to an even greater extent. I would also say that Feyre actually sees it this way as well.

Not understanding/caring about social niceties

This ties in with the previous point. The socially acceptable response to Feyre looking after herself is to pander to her (we even see this in the fandom villainize Nesta for not doing this) and offer help even when it would be rejected or hinder what Feyre is doing. Which it would be, I mean, Feyre doesn't need Nesta's help and I believe she would tell her that. People seem to view this situation as one sided but I think it's very clear that both Nesta and Feyre have the same views on their living situation.

We should remember that when Feyre started hunting Nesta did try to help. She asked Feyre to show her how to hunt (because that was the practical choice) and then when it turned out that she was no good at hunting but that Feyre was very good, the next practical move was for Feyre to continue doing the work that she was good at and for Nesta to do the work in the house which she was good at and was also necessary for their living. Nesta understands this and she doesn't feel the need to waste time when she knows the answer and she knows what's required of her. The offer to continue helping to hunt might be the more polite/socially expected thing to do or an expected way to show that she cares but societal expectations are what dictate that this is how you show you care and to Nesta it's impractical and not what they need so it's an empty and pointless gesture. Logic shows her that Feyre can take care of herself so Nesta focuses on where she's actually needed and where she can actually help. In this case that's protecting Elain and doing the more domestic work.

However, when Feyre does need her and Elain doesn't, Nesta does everything in her power to help Feyre while leaving Elain.

Eg. When Tamlin takes Feyre, Nesta leaves Elain and goes to save her. This is not exclusive to Elain, this is just an example, it's just how Nesta is. It's the same when she protects Cassian in ACOWAR, when she shares her story with the high lords, when she becomes the human emissary. Nesta doesn't waste time protecting those who can protect themselves, she puts all her focus on protecting those who can't.

Black and white thinking .2

Nesta's black and white thinking also applies to how she views the world and the people around her.

Eg. The way she views her father. Her resentment and hatred for him are completely full on, he did bad so he is a bad person. She wants nothing to do with him and it's as simple as that. He allowed her to be abused, he let their mother die, he let them starve, he doesn't try and he neglects them so she hates him completely and utterly.

And don't get me wrong, these feelings are completely valid. I'm not saying this is wrong of her, it's just how she is and I'm totally on her side.

Easily manipulated

This is also why it's so easy for a narcissist like Papa Archeron to manipulate her in ACOWAR, which is a really common autistic experience. It's very common for autistic people to be manipulated and to be around abusive people.

When things are in simple good and bad, black and white terms, they're easy for Nesta to work out. Her father is bad, he doesn't do anything to contradict that and there are no good and bad actions there's just bad. Then we see she struggles with the grey area when things seem to change. Her father brings ships to help them and then dies defending her, supposedly, and this makes it more complicated, it's not as clear cut. Now he's good and bad and there's "evidence" for both and she can't handle it. She feels confused and upset and she can't place her own feelings, which is actually also an autistic trait, because things can't be put in a black and white box anymore. There is a lifetime of bad but this last act is good which challenges the absolute way she views things. Suddenly he isn't an absolute and she can't process it, that on top of this final act being extremely manipulative results in all of that shame that we see her experience. This manipulation mixed with her black and white thinking causes the blame to turn into self hate rather than be placed where it rightly belongs.

Black and white .3

Nesta deals in these black and white extremes for almost everything. It's yes or no, the word maybe doesn't really exist to her.

"What happened to Tomas Mandray?" I asked, the words strangled. "I realized he wouldn't have gone with me to save you from Prythian." And for her, with that raging, unrelenting heart, it would have been a line in the sand.

Before, Nesta said that she loved Tomas. It's debatable whether that was actually true but she was going to marry him and move out and then she completely changes her mind because of how she views this action. She has a set view on right and wrong and immediately draws that line in the sand with Tomas when he chooses the "bad" or "wrong" action. It completely changes how she sees and feels about him because she functions based on absolutes, no grey areas. This is how she views the world and the people in it. She sees going to save Feyre as the only option, it's the right thing to do so it's the only thing to do and when he doesn't do that or align with that he's completely changed to her.

Even with Rhysand we see that she doesn't like him as a person, he's arrogant and an asshole and she does not like him, end of story. But, that practical side of her acknowledges that he is a good ruler (debatable👀) and has done a lot for his people. She can acknowledge both the good and the bad here because it's still black and white. Rhysand as a person is bad, Rhysand as a ruler is good.

TBC

[fenrysmoonbeamswife]

Masterpost #2

Topic: Nesta Archeron is autistic coded

Disliking change and not adapting well to it

The Archeron sisters all experience the same changes; their mothers death and losing their fortune. But, arguably, Nesta handles the changes worse than Feyre or Elain.

Feyre sort of faces reality and just does what needs doing and gets on with it. Elain looks to the future, a better future. But Nesta seems to sort of stay in the past. These are huge changes and she doesn't really adapt well in either situation. She completely despises their father for their mothers death, she doesn't just blame him and hate him, she hates him with every fibre of her being. When they lose their fortune, she still acts like a noble. She tries to live in the past and she can't really move on to their new way of life.

All responses to grief, loss, and change are normal so this could absolutely just be a normal grief response but the extent she takes it to is what makes me include it.

Nesta also has difficulty adapting when they seem to get their old lifestyle back because it's yet another change. Unlike Elain and their father, who slip back into it easily, Nesta can't really adapt that way. This could even tie into her resisting the glamour, she remembers what happened when no one else does. After the cauldron is pretty much the same. She doesn't want to engage with this new lifestyle, which is completely understandable, and she tries sticking to the same patterns and places. She doesn't really try to get to know the other fae, also understandable, or explore Velaris. She still wears her human clothes and she does the same things she did as a human. She doesn't want to acknowledge or work with her powers which is yet another change. It's all different and overwhelming to her. And again, all of this is pretty normal but with autism it's the reasoning and extent which I think Nesta displays.

She even goes so far as to wear her usual human clothes or dresses at training and war camps. This could also be seen as an autistic trait in another sense because it's common to wear the same clothes repeatedly or have a few of the same things. Nesta's dresses in this case because they're familiar and comfortable.

Prioritizing actions over words and disliking social niceties (ties in with not caring about social protocols)

Nesta shows how she feels about people through what she does and not what she says. She's very direct and I think one of the reasons that she comes off the wrong way is that she puts all of her effort into doing things for people but she doesn't back it up with fluff and nice words.

Nesta doesn't show she cares based on any social protocol, she shows it in her own way in terms that she understands and responds to. Nesta doesn't soften herself or attempt to be something that she's not. She doesn't try and charm people with sweet words the way that other characters such as Elain, Feyre, Mor or Gwyn can, she isn't made that way. She comes off as cold or rude (or more like people make those assumptions about her) when really she just isn't hiding what she says under layers of exhausting social protocols that she doesn't understand. Nesta just is. She is unapologetically herself and this is one of the reasons that I love her so much. Especially because so many girls go undiagnosed because they're forced to learn how to seem more socially adept than they feel (masking) because they're expected to be soft and polite and Nesta doesn't do that.

Masking

You could make an argument that Nesta is a non-masking autistic, which would line up with the hate she gets. When autistic people don't mask, particularly in social settings, they are deemed as cold or mean and I have always over identified with the way Nesta is treated in social situations because of this. In so much of the dialogue with and about Nesta it comes across as tone policing. Nesta just doesn't place value in social niceties and she doesn't bother wasting time on them or softening words to try and please the people around her when she doesn't understand or care about it herself.

"I never have to go back to those sycophantic fools over the wall, I get to do as I wish since apparently no one here has any regard for rules or manners or our traditions."

Sycophantic fools implies her disregard for social niceties and that forced politeness that's common in noble society. In her culture, this is the way people typically behave but Nesta refers to them as fools because she doesn't operate under the same rules as them. She seems them as fake which she dislikes and probably doesn't fit in with.

I think this is a big reason she dislikes being around the Inner Circle. As an autistic person myself their dynamic makes me incredibly uncomfortable to read about and nevermind being around them the way Nesta is.

Her point about traditions implies that she does have regard for rules and traditions. Autistic people tend to like rules and routine, even if they are pretty archaic here and limiting. She finds the lack of them negative because it means there's no order or structure in this world and that makes her uncomfortable.

Masterpost #2

Topic: Nesta Archeron is autistic coded

Black and white thinking

This is a case of seeing things in a very right or wrong, no inbetween way, and struggling with abstracts and grey areas and this is how I would describe Nesta's way of viewing almost everything.

Eg. The way she acts towards Elain and Feyre in ACOTAR, it's practical and very clear to her.

"But I knew that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not my father, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin and that I could fight my own battles. But Elain, the flower grower, the gentle heart, Nesta would go down swinging for her."

Nesta knows that Feyre doesn't need her and that she's capable of fighting her own battles. She sees this in a very black and white way and doesn't waste time pretending because it's very simple to her. In this instance, Elain needs her and Feyre doesn't. Therefore, she directs all of her attention on Elain.

Nesta always dedicates herself fully to one issue and the thing that has to be done, the practical thing. She doesn't half ass it, she doesn't split her attention between two things when one is absolutely necessary and the other isn't.

Now, this doesn't mean that she sees Feyres protection as unnecessary or doesn't care about Feyre. You can even see that Feyre herself doesn't see it that way, Nesta just knows how capable Feyre is and how Elain is the one who needs protection in this case. While Nesta is quite an emotional person, when it comes to things like this she sets that aside and it's all from a completely practical sense. You could even argue that her emotions actually fuel her practicality to an even greater extent. I would also say that Feyre actually sees it this way as well.

Not understanding/caring about social niceties

This ties in with the previous point. The socially acceptable response to Feyre looking after herself is to pander to her (we even see this in the fandom villainize Nesta for not doing this) and offer help even when it would be rejected or hinder what Feyre is doing. Which it would be, I mean, Feyre doesn't need Nesta's help and I believe she would tell her that. People seem to view this situation as one sided but I think it's very clear that both Nesta and Feyre have the same views on their living situation.

We should remember that when Feyre started hunting Nesta did try to help. She asked Feyre to show her how to hunt (because that was the practical choice) and then when it turned out that she was no good at hunting but that Feyre was very good, the next practical move was for Feyre to continue doing the work that she was good at and for Nesta to do the work in the house which she was good at and was also necessary for their living. Nesta understands this and she doesn't feel the need to waste time when she knows the answer and she knows what's required of her. The offer to continue helping to hunt might be the more polite/socially expected thing to do or an expected way to show that she cares but societal expectations are what dictate that this is how you show you care and to Nesta it's impractical and not what they need so it's an empty and pointless gesture. Logic shows her that Feyre can take care of herself so Nesta focuses on where she's actually needed and where she can actually help. In this case that's protecting Elain and doing the more domestic work.

However, when Feyre does need her and Elain doesn't, Nesta does everything in her power to help Feyre while leaving Elain.

Eg. When Tamlin takes Feyre, Nesta leaves Elain and goes to save her. This is not exclusive to Elain, this is just an example, it's just how Nesta is. It's the same when she protects Cassian in ACOWAR, when she shares her story with the high lords, when she becomes the human emissary. Nesta doesn't waste time protecting those who can protect themselves, she puts all her focus on protecting those who can't.

Black and white thinking .2

Nesta's black and white thinking also applies to how she views the world and the people around her.

Eg. The way she views her father. Her resentment and hatred for him are completely full on, he did bad so he is a bad person. She wants nothing to do with him and it's as simple as that. He allowed her to be abused, he let their mother die, he let them starve, he doesn't try and he neglects them so she hates him completely and utterly.

And don't get me wrong, these feelings are completely valid. I'm not saying this is wrong of her, it's just how she is and I'm totally on her side.

Easily manipulated

This is also why it's so easy for a narcissist like Papa Archeron to manipulate her in ACOWAR, which is a really common autistic experience. It's very common for autistic people to be manipulated and to be around abusive people.

When things are in simple good and bad, black and white terms, they're easy for Nesta to work out. Her father is bad, he doesn't do anything to contradict that and there are no good and bad actions there's just bad. Then we see she struggles with the grey area when things seem to change. Her father brings ships to help them and then dies defending her, supposedly, and this makes it more complicated, it's not as clear cut. Now he's good and bad and there's "evidence" for both and she can't handle it. She feels confused and upset and she can't place her own feelings, which is actually also an autistic trait, because things can't be put in a black and white box anymore. There is a lifetime of bad but this last act is good which challenges the absolute way she views things. Suddenly he isn't an absolute and she can't process it, that on top of this final act being extremely manipulative results in all of that shame that we see her experience. This manipulation mixed with her black and white thinking causes the blame to turn into self hate rather than be placed where it rightly belongs.

Black and white .3

Nesta deals in these black and white extremes for almost everything. It's yes or no, the word maybe doesn't really exist to her.

"What happened to Tomas Mandray?" I asked, the words strangled. "I realized he wouldn't have gone with me to save you from Prythian." And for her, with that raging, unrelenting heart, it would have been a line in the sand.

Before, Nesta said that she loved Tomas. It's debatable whether that was actually true but she was going to marry him and move out and then she completely changes her mind because of how she views this action. She has a set view on right and wrong and immediately draws that line in the sand with Tomas when he chooses the "bad" or "wrong" action. It completely changes how she sees and feels about him because she functions based on absolutes, no grey areas. This is how she views the world and the people in it. She sees going to save Feyre as the only option, it's the right thing to do so it's the only thing to do and when he doesn't do that or align with that he's completely changed to her.

Even with Rhysand we see that she doesn't like him as a person, he's arrogant and an asshole and she does not like him, end of story. But, that practical side of her acknowledges that he is a good ruler (debatable👀) and has done a lot for his people. She can acknowledge both the good and the bad here because it's still black and white. Rhysand as a person is bad, Rhysand as a ruler is good.

TBC