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lady-of-tearshed · 4 months ago

Text

Scarred

Nessian & OC!Nessian daughter Briana

Cassian Week 2024

@cassianappreciationweek

Day 5: Scars

Summary: Cassian's traumas comes back to haunt him when their daughter naively wishes for a real war, like the ones in her books.

Warnings: Angst, Pregnancy, PTSD/Panic attack description, Cassian raising his voice, flinching, mention of an explosion, mention of death, mention of war.

Word count: 1,687k words

A/N: Good luck with the angst. The lady of tearshed has striked again, hope your heart can bear this one! 💕 Love y'all! Xx

The pretty dividers are made by the very talented @tsunami-of-tears ❤️

The sun was starting to set, but the laughter and excited shrieks of children were still roaring at the River House. They were all playing with the wooden swords Rhysand had gifted Nyx for his tenth birthday.

Briana, despite being the youngest one of her cousins, was ferociously defending herself. But Cassian knew her bed time was coming, and that if he didn't put a stop to their game real soon, his little princess would be in a piss poor mood all day tomorrow morning. And with Nesta carrying their second child, he didn't want her to deal with Bri's grumpiness tomorrow. His pregnant mate didn't need that additional stress.

He whistled, loudly, and Briana's eyes immediately shot to his direction, a broad smile spread across her face as she ran into his direction. Cassian opened his arms for her and she jumped into them, nuzzling her little nose against his.

“Did my little princess have fun today?” Cassian said, kissing her forehead.

“Yeah! I want the same gift as Nyx's for my birthday!”

Cassian laughed. Typical Briana's answer, always wanting to be the same as her older cousin. “Your birthday is still ten months away, Bri. Don’t grow up too fast.” He chuckled.

Nesta approached them, and Cassian slid a protective hand around her hip. His fingers stroked the side of Nesta’s still small baby bump, and bent down. “Hi you two…” He whispered in Nesta’s ear, before kissing her cheek. “Ready to go?”

“Yes.”

“No!”

Nesta gave the pair of eyes that meant “Don't you dare throw a tantrum just now, please.” to her daughter, then sighed. “Princess… Baby and mommy are very tired. How about we invite Nyx at home tomorrow?”

Briana huffed, looked at Nesta’s belly, hesitated. “Okay… I'll go say bye to Nyxie, Bastian, Emett and Poppy…” She mumbled, then hopped off Cassian's arms to run to her cousins, aunts, and uncles to tell them goodbye. Lingering and taking her time, obviously.

Cassian held Nesta against her, watching their beautiful daughter chattering with their family, before turning his gaze to Nesta's. “How are you feeling?” He frowned, his Fae male instincts kicking in, telling him to check up on his pregnant mate.

Nesta rolled her eyes, a playful glint shining in her eyes. “Pregnant, sweaty, and full with your child… Not much different than six years ago.”

Nesta winked at him, and Cassian's hrin grew even wider. Before he could get another taste of his mate's delicious lips, Briana ran in their direction, wiggling in their embrace.

“I'm ready!” Briana proudly announced.

Cassian was drained, exhausted. The three of them were tightly squeezed into Briana's “big girl bed”. Nesta was reading out loud a bedtime story about princesses, princes and soldiers fighting against cruel Nagas.

His calloused fingers were brushing through his daughter's dark curls, careful not to get tangled in any knots. He was starting to wonder which one of them would fall asleep first.

Nesta closed the book shut when the story ended, and Cassian's eyes shot open. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and yawned. “Alright… It's time to sleep now princess…” He mumbled into Briana's hair, pampering her cheek with kisses.

Cassian helped Nesta roll out of the bed, then softly tucked in Briana, just how she liked it, he even placed her favorite plushies to watch over her.

“I wish there would be a real war going on…” Briana mumbled sleepily.

Cassian froze, he kneeled beside Briana's bed, and his jaw clenched. “We don't wish for things like that. Ever.” He growled.

Briana’s brown eyes fluttered open, and silver lined them when she took in Cassian’s furious expression. “B-But–”

“There are no buts,” He raised his voice slightly, panic surged through him, his stomach was churning.

“Cassian…” Nesta warned from the door frame.

“There are no buts!” He repeated, whirling his head to Nesta. “There are real people dying in wars. Faes, humans, male and females. Even innocent children suffer from the consequences of wars–”

Cassian snapped back to reality when he heard a muffled sob. He looked over his daughter, he stared into those tiny eyes that looked just like his. His heart broke.

“Princess… I'm sorry for raising my voice,” He reached out to stroke Briana's wet cheek, “I'm so–”

Briana flinched under Cassian's touch. His wings dropped to the ground, and tears rolled down his own cheeks. He rose to his feet, stumbling back from the bed. He brushed past Nesta, and stormed out of the room.

He headed to the bathroom, his breathing ragged. He closed the door, leaned over the sink and turned on the faucet with trembling hands. The walls felt like they were moving towards him, trapping him. The air became hard to breathe, Cassian felt surrounded by darkness.

He had scared Briana, his princess, his daughter.

“I wish there would be a real war going on…”

No, of course Briana didn't mean what she said. She probably didn't have a clue of what a war would occur, what ravages it would make. Cassian had overreacted, he had crossed the line by raising his voice at her.

The way his touch had made his little girl flinch… Cassian would never forgive himself for that.

“I wish there would be a real war going on…”

A war… Cassian had fought countless wars before Briana’s birth. He had devoted his whole life to assure the protection of the Court he was born in. He had served and led Rhysand’s armies for centuries before partially retiring once he became a dad.

Cassian’s wings shivered at the thought of what would happen if another war would rise. He had too much to lose now to even think about it, he would do anything in his power for this to never happen.

This stupid wish was the only thing he would ever deny his daughter. Anything but this. No one wants to live with the visible and invisible scars that a war can cause.

“Cassian?”

“Cassian!”

Cassian had almost collapsed to the ground when he had heard Nesta's desperate cries as if she was standing right beside him. His face had snapped to her direction instinctively, and for the first time in his life, he had dropped the plan and shot through her direction.

Cassian still vividly remembered the death-white light hurled towards him and his soldiers. How the earth shatyered from ghe explosion. Some of the most skilled Illyrian warriors had been turned to ash within a matter of seconds. The memory still haunted him. Cassian would've stood in the middle of the explosion with the rest of his soldiers if Nesta's desperate calls hadn't pulled him away.

“Cassian, open your damn eyes,” Cassian eyes shot open at the urgency in Nesta's voice. The intrusive memory switched to the familiar decor of their bathroom. He hadn't realized how he had stumbled down the floor and crawled until his back had bumped against the side of the large tub.

Nesta's hands were gripping his cheeks tightly, forcing his head to stop moving so his eyes could concentrate on hers. “Look at me,” She growled. Her eyes chased his and when they locked, she grinned softly. “Hi, Cas,”

Cassian was breathless, his chest heaving rapidly. His lungs burned as they struggled to fill themselves with oxygen. He pressed his sweaty brows to Nesta's, putting his hands over hers.

“Hello, Nes,” He whispered, swallowing the tight knot in his throat.

He closed his eyes, and when Nesta cradled his head to her chest, he wept. His wings drooped and his whole body shook as tears escaped his eyes.

Cassian hadn't lost control like that for decades now. He had naively thought that maybe this was it, that he was cured. That the invisible damages that his years as the Lord of Bloodshed had left were now healed. That the nightmares, the flashbacks, the anxiety had disappeared forever.

Cassian clenched his teeth, overwhelmed by the guilt of letting himself get into this state by a simple mention of war.

“Hey… it's okay to be scared,” Nesta gently ran her fingers through Cassian's hair. His hands were still tightly wrapped around her wrists, holding onto her as if she would slip away if he let go. “I'm right here,” She slowly removed one of Cassian’s hands from her wrist, and lowered it to her stomach. “We’re right here,”

Cassian grip instantly eased away from her wrists. He slid his hands underneath the fabric of Nesta’s dress, resting his hands flat against her warm skin.

He moved his head from her breast, rubbing his nose against the column of her neck. He inhaled deeply, taking in Nesta’s sweet scent. She was here, pregnant with their second babe, both alive and incredibly strong.

“I thought I was getting better,” Cassian mumbled against the skin of her neck, his hands rubbing circles atop her stomach.

“You are, Cas. Everyday you're getting better. But these wounds…” She placed a kiss on his forehead. “These kinds of wounds… they stay. Like scars, they'll become paler with time, but they'll never completely go away,”

Cassian hummed, knowing she was right. But accepting this reality was hard, that he'll have to live with these mental scars forever were a massive blow to his male pride. He frowned. “I scared Briana…”

“She would never be scared of you, my mate. I explained it to her,” Cassian lifted his face to meet hers. “She understands now,”

“I still feel bad… I need to apologize-”

Nesta held him down firmly, keeping him from standing up. “She's asleep. Appologize to her tomorrow. For now, rest. You need it,”

Cassian nodded, and pulled Nesta up onto his lap. “Thank you…” He whispered against the shell of her beautiful pointy ear.

“What for?” She laughed silently.

Cassian looked down at her, at their babe growing beneath her skin. He had not enough words to describe everything he was grateful for. He didn't have a fancy way to declare his deep gratitude for how Nesta's presence in his life made it extremely better.

“Everything,” He whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Acotar taglist: @mybestfriendmademe @lilah-asteria

Cassian taglist: @ladybookstan @acotar-lover

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thesunloveschips · 28 days ago

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Obsessed - Part 3 (Azriel x Reader)

Summary: Nesta is even more delusional than Y/n. Azriel finally knows his woman is attracted to him.

Warnings: smutty fantasies, delusional bestie Nesta, Azriel right after a shower, Azriel in ONLY a towel, Azriel's tattoos, delusional Azriel.

Click here for Obsessed (Masterlist)

****

Azriel had no idea what he was thinking when he let Y/n in his apartment. The same place he’d overanalysed to see where all he could fuck her.

That’s right.

He wasn’t thinking at all.

Because he opened the door, saw her, and voila~ she was inside.

She moved towards the kitchen and began hunting for plates. Azriel simply watched her as she made herself at home and owned the kitchen.

Yes.

She did.

Y/n owned the kitchen, the apartment, and she owned him.

Azriel appreciated the domesticity for a moment before walking towards her to help. He picked out a bottle of wine and the glasses.

When they finally sat down, a silence washed over. Azriel was getting the feeling that this was not a comfortable silence. “What happened?”

“I should’ve at least texted you.” So that’s why she was gloomy.

“Your classes begin tomorrow. You need to study.” He remembered that Y/n took academics seriously.

“But I kept on remembering you and I promised myself I’d text or call after finishing one topic and then I read more papers and got carried away and now, it’s been three days.” She slowly quietened and started playing with her fork.

“We’re going to dine and chat.” He deftly served the lasagna for both of them. “There’s nothing wrong here. Nothing weird or awkward. Nothing to worry about.”

Azriel watched her nod at him hesitantly. She was still worried.

“How can I convince you that everything is all right between us?” He asked, folding his arms and letting them rest on the table as he leaned forward to look at her closely.

This woman, this wonderful woman, fretting because she didn’t contact him. She didn’t need to know that he already knew what was going on. That she was so immersed in studying that she did not have any proper meals.

He also knew that she had rushed off to the supermarket earlier this evening and spent a lot of time in the kitchen.

What he didn’t know was that all of it was for him.

That information warmed him in an unexpected manner.

“Hey.” He rose and reached her. Azriel turned her chair and kneeled before her. “It’s all right.”

“It’s just, you’re so good to me and. . . I didn’t even call or text and now, you’re still. . . you’re still so good to me.”

Good?

That wouldn’t do.

He was supposed to be the best for her.

Good sounded like mediocrity in his own head but the word sounded like an achievement when she said it.

Was this what she thought about him?

“It’s all right. We’re fine. You’re here. I’m here. We’re okay.” He patted her head gently.

Azriel stood up, pulled another chair next to her, and readied a bite for her but Y/n shook her head. “I made it for you. You should eat first.”

Something in his head had just short circuited.

He had just been hit with the realisation that she had cooked for him but to hear her say it was euphoric.

“You’ll eat after I take a bite?” She nodded instantly so he took a bite.

It wasn’t made by a chef who considered cooking to be an art for the world to enjoy.

It was made by someone who wanted to cook only for him and not for the world.

A taste prepared to be enjoyed within the privacy and security of the people that would comprise his home.

“Thank you.” His voice was raw and tinged with much more emotion than he’d expected.

This moment with her, her cooking, and him was simply so overwhelming.

“You’ve done so well.” Y/n smiled brightly and a part of Azriel felt like he had truly achieved something in life. To make this woman happy and safe.

This woman, warm as a blanket in early winter mornings, beautiful in the face of her entire life—he wanted his opportunity to cherish her. And he’d take it. He could be patient.

Azriel did not ever remember doing anything good enough to deserve this woman’s presence in his life. But she was here and he’d keep her by his side.

They dined sitting next to each other. And Azriel was acutely aware of everything she did. Every time those breasts heaved as she breathed. Those lips with a bit of cheese at the corner.

He turned to his own plate, nearly scarfing down the meal lest he have another inappropriate thought. But the sight of his own fork reminded him of her mouth around her own fork.

Y/n would look lovely on her knees and even lovelier with his cock inside that mouth. He’d wrap her perfect hair around his fist and thrust inside her mouth. And then he’d-

“Azriel.” She was sitting right next to him, and the height difference was enough for him to think about leaning in.

That stupid bit of cheese was still by the corner of her lip and Azriel could nearly see how she’d look after he’d come in her mouth.

“Are you all right?”

No, he wasn’t.

He wanted that mouth.

On his lips, on his chest, on his cock.

“Yes.” A fucking lie. He was not okay knowing that the woman he was fantasising about was right next to him, eating a meal, thinking that this was just a neighbourly interaction.

Azriel definitely didn’t have any neighbourly intentions towards Y/n unless you could count wanting to fuck her against her front door as one of those.

Conversation continued as she told him about her classes, her education so far, and more things he’d already read in her report but with an addition of her own feelings towards them.

She was not eager to indulge in her private life but she was very proud to talk about Nesta, her best friend since childhood. He heard a few funny moments from her past and bits and pieces about her family.

At some point, he’d begun speaking. It was not just about being comfortable with her but also about wanting to tell her, and knowing that she would now know something about him. So he told her about his friends, his education, and a few things about his everyday life.

When it was nearly eleven, he reminded her that she had classes from tomorrow. Azriel could swear he saw disappointment in her eyes as Y/n made a move to leave.

He really wanted to kiss her. Tell her that she’d cooked really well. That he was thankful for her efforts.

And instead of escorting her to the door, he wanted to take her to the bedroom where he’d undress her and kiss every inch of her.

He couldn’t kiss her but there was something else he could do.

And that’s how Azriel found himself watching baking videos as he retired to bed instead of taking a while to masturbate to his fantasies of Y/n.

****

Y/n was in a good mood after last night’s dinner but she felt guilty for not contacting Azriel. Her neighbour was so nice, so kind. He’d helped her far more than neighbours ever did and she’d just . . . forgotten him while she studied.

She was well-prepared for her classes, met a few new people, toured the campus library, and returned to her apartment.

She immediately FaceTimed Nesta.

“Wait, let me just set this.” Nesta moved to the kitchen in her own shared apartment and placed the phone so that she could cook while they talked. Y/n had already done the same. “Now, before you spill, I have some news. Remember your ex?”

“Very difficult to forget his impact in my life.”

“Lots of trauma and insecurity, I know.” Nesta knew how condescending that creature had been to Y/n, always belittling her whenever she did something or was about to do something herself. And then he’d be a little hypocrite by saying that he’d support her choices while also routinely telling her to stop using her brain. “He got roped into a case of tax fraud and he got fired but he’s still a party to the case.”

Y/n remained silent but her wide eyes were enough for Nesta to understand that she’d been shocked. Nesta waited in front of the screen patiently. “Well. . . fuck him.”

“That’s my girl!” Nesta cheered. “Also, there’s a rumour floating among the alumni that he made some powerful enemies so he’s laying low or he’s underground or on the run or whatever terminology they use for people like that but since this guy is the worthless lowlife that hurt you, I’d prefer to say he’s in the sewer.”

“Hopefully, he’ll drown in the sewage.”

“Moving on, quite literally, to better things in life. Exhibit A: your hot neighbour. Have you fucked?”

“No. And I don’t think we will.” She had a good talk with him last night, absorbing his every word like a sponge but she couldn’t help but feel that he was not attracted to her in the way she was towards him.

“Why not? He’s hot. You’re hot. It only makes sense that you two fuck.”

Y/n looked at the screen, unimpressed. “I think he sees me as a sister.”

“Then go! Do incest! What are you waiting for?” Nesta waved her hands.

“We’re not related.”

“Then do the step-sibling incest thing. We’ve already watched My Fault. It’s bound to be hot.” Nesta deadpanned.

My Fault was a hot, forbidden romance. Now, that was another fantasy.

“Wait. Why do you think he sees you as a sister?” Nesta came to the screen and started eating an apple.

“Because he patted my head last night.” Y/n sighed. “It felt very sibling-like.” She began peeling the onions.

“What happened last night?” Nesta was now curious.

“I forgot to contact him for three days so I made lasagna as an apology.”

“Wait a fucking second.” Here we go. “You have that hot furnace as your neighbour and you forgot him?” Nesta sounded very much offended on Azriel’s behalf. “Are you drugged or something?” She opened a container and closed it. She kept it back and took out another container.

“We enjoyed dinner and dessert and conversations but I almost cried before we started.”

“Darling, men have to be dealt with very tactfully.” Nesta placed a bowl in front of her phone and began peeling potatoes. “If they see your emotional baggage, it’ll only be a big turn-off even when you only want a fling. For example, in my gym, there’s a trainor-”

“You joined a gym?” Y/n interrupted. “Why am I hearing about this now?”

“I have too much free time now that you’re not here so I joined a gym.” Nesta glared at Y/n and the latter kept quiet. “There’s a hot trainor and I know he wants to fuck me. But what am I doing? I’m doing what every reasonable, prudent woman would do. I’m ignoring him.”

“That’s probably not how you get laid.”

“I’m not trying to get laid. I’m trying to get railed. Understand the difference.” Nesta pointed her knife at the screen.

“Laid is a romantic thing. Laid is when you lose your virginity. Laid is for sweet love making.” Nesta sounded a little disgusted while explaining ‘laid’ before her tone changed and she began her passionate explanation about what ‘railed’ meant.

“Railed is for fucking against any surface because you can’t wait. It’s for throwing away your clothes and letting all the lust take over. Touching is for laid, groping is for railed. Do you understand?” Nesta waved her knife and Y/m dutifully nodded.

“Maintain enough distance to let the sexual tension brew like a stew. But not too much distance to make him uninterested. And then soon, Cassian will fuck me like his life depends on it.” Nesta sounded gleeful as she revealed her plan.

Y/n knew that Nesta was only going to fuck this trainor because she never did serious relationships. Y/n had been in one serious relationship which blew up on her face. And since then, it was unbearable to think of going for romance. “Cassian is your trainor’s name?”

“Nice name to moan, don’t you think?”

“Does he know you think that?” She began cutting the onions. Y/n thought that name sounded familiar.

“Absolutely not. It’s only been two days. I’ll take some time. He’s already looking when I’m stretching and so now, I’ll do some specific warm ups that’ll make him realise that I’m a very, very flexible woman.”

“You bitch.” Y/n laughed as she stirred the vegetables.

“I’m going to make him beg.” Nesta grinned evilly. “Enough about him. How do we get you to commit incest?”

“Did I tell you he’s older?”

“How old?”

“He’ll turn twenty nine in a few days.”

“You just turned twenty four. Oh, he’ll love it when you call him daddy.” Nesta smirked.

“I think I want to call him sir.” Y/n laughed.

“Wait. That’s a good idea.”

“What?”

“Grocery shopping. All right? Show some cleavage. Stand next to him. Look up at him with the most innocent look. Okay? So innocent and holy that he should think you’re on the list of innocent people right after Jesus. And then say, ‘yes, sir’. Imagine the sex. He won’t even wait to take you to the bedroom.”

“I’m not really sure.” Y/n was hesitant. What if she ruined whatever friendship she had with him?

The doorbell rang once. “Wait a sec. Nes, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Y/n washed her hands quickly, wiped them on a towel, and went to answer the door.

Azriel stood there, looking mindnumbingly sexy in a shirt with the first couple of buttons not. . . his chest. . . tattoos and. . . Y/n took a step back and nearly fell.

Azriel’s arm snaked around her waist as he easily caught her and helped her stand up.

“I received your parcel by mistake.” He whispered near her ear.

“Thank you.” She probably squeaked. His hand was still on her waist and her eyes were shut tightly.

“Y/n?” His voice was too deep, too dark, too bedroom-like. “Why are you hot?”

“What?” Her voice was a mere whisper.

“Open your eyes, Y/n.” Why was this man saying her name so much? “You feel feverish.” At some point, the back of his hand was pressed against her forehead.

“I’m not. I’m fine.” She hurriedly explained. “Thank you for the parcel.”

Azriel smiled beautifully at her. “I’ll see you around.”

His hands left her waist and he reached his own door. Y/n watched as he entered his apartment, waved at her before closing the door.

She closed her own door and ran to the kitchen to tell Nesta all about it.

****

When Y/n had been exploring during her first day of classes, Azriel easily infiltrated her house (he had a spare key, what do you think he bought the building for?) and set a few bugs to help him eavesdrop.

Was it a coincidence that he made his appearance while Y/n was on a video call with her best friend, discussing and debating about fucking him?

Absolutely not.

He knew that Y/n didn’t like wearing her airpods unless it was necessary so her video calls were always on speaker phone. He’d heard every bit of what both women said.

The only thing that was a coincidence was that he was just about to ring the doorbell when the delivery man had appeared. He signed her parcel, claiming to be her boyfriend (which he would be) and when the delivery boy had left, he finally proceeded.

Now that he knew for a fact that she was sexually attracted to him, he had to only seduce her. To coax her desires before revealing that he was always ready to fuck her.

As for how he’d marry her, that was a little further away but he was confident now.

If she ever called him sir, he knew he’d crack and explode. Y/n wouldn’t even have to do much and he’d fuck her ever so thoroughly.

So he waited.

He got his work done. A few meetings. Calls. Learned how to bake.

He did get his chance to talk to her or go grocery shopping with her but she did not call him sir.

The electricity was beginning to crackle between them when he spotted her looking at his forearms often. He’d wear henleys, roll up his sleeves, and watch as she drooled over while pretending he didn’t realise.

How adorable was she as she checked him out not so discreetly.

And how adorable would she be, begging and crying for him to stop.

****

Azriel had finally perfected baking a cheesecake and it was kept for cooling. A few more hours and he could bring it over to Y/n.

The doorbell rang and Azriel cursed. If there was someone other than Y/n on the other side, he’d throw them down the stairs.

This was a bit inconvenient since he’d just finished showering. He draped a towel around his hips and took another one to begin with his hair as he headed for the door.

It seemed that there would be no deaths since Y/n was waiting for him. But the moment she saw him, her eyes widened and she looked like she’d seen a ghost.

Why?

She looked damn good in that grey sweater and black jeans. Winter fashion suited Y/n. Sweaters were gentle on her curves, her legs were. . .

Yes.

Those were the legs he wanted around his waist. Minus the jeans, of course.

She looked so fucking good but there was only one problem when she went out with him.

He couldn’t show her off as his wife.

As stated in the previous chapter, a lot of things would be sorted if he married Y/n.

Azriel was ready to brood now that the reality of not being married to her slapped him.

But then why was she so shocked when she was the one who looked like she was out to seduce him by existing?

Oh.

He was in a towel.

And with his chest on display.

He remembered that tattoos were an attraction for women and he had loads of them. On his fingers, hands, arms and chest.

Was she attracted?

“Y/n?” He let the towel for his hair hang around his neck.

“Huh?” She then looked at his face because she’d been staring at his chest for so long.

How cute.

She was attracted.

Did she know that all this was hers?

This chest. These hands. These legs. And this cock.

Everything was hers.

Honestly speaking, he’d fuck her if she asked.

“Come in.” He opened the door wider.

“You have tattoos.” She still seemed to be in a daze.

He really had to put in effort to not smirk at her flustered state.

Would she like the tattoos under the towel?

“Yes, I have tattoos. Come inside, Y/n.” He gently ushered her in before realising that he just brought in his woman inside the apartment. His woman who was definitely attracted to him and even more so, more that she’d seen him half naked.

“Yeah. Um. . I was going to buy vegetables. Just wanted to see if you’d like to come with me or if you wanted me to get something.” She was looking at the wall now.

What was this woman even thinking?

That he’d ever refuse her?

Hah! What nonsense.

Why was he even here in this country, in this apartment, if not for her?

Azriel walked over, tilted her chin with a hand, and met her gaze looking as oblivious as he could. “Is there a reason why you’re not looking at me?”

Fuck it. He wanted her to look at her. What did he even look this good for if she was not looking at him?

“I thought. . Maybe you’d be uncomfortable if I looked at you. Some people don’t. . they don’t like that and I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable because of me.”

“You have my permission to look.” To touch. To kiss. To suck. To fuck. She had all permissions since day one.

“Vegetables?” She averted her gaze.

Azriel restrained the urge to smirk.

“Give me ten minutes.” He returned to his room, dried himself, dressed up, and returned to Y/n.

“Ready?” He asked as he wrote his watch.

“You haven’t dried your hair.”

“I used the towel.”

“It’s evening, Az. You’ll catch a cold. Where’s your hair dryer?” There it was. There was the confident Y/n.

“Don’t have one.” He lied so easily. He wanted to see what she’d do.

She marched over to the door and opened it. “Well. Come on. Lock up. You’re using my hair dryer. Only then will you come with me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned. Azriel loved it when she bossed him around. This side of her rarely revealed itself.

Y/n froze and then turned away to unlock her door. And Azriel did as he’d been told.

****

Has anyone seen Azriel half naked? Ever?

In a towel? Bare chested?

Droplets on that golden skin?

Tattoos? Fucking tattoos?

Wet hair?

The wet dream?

How in fuck had she not fainted?

And why did she think she was being sensible by inviting him to her apartment?

To dry his hair?

Well, he did need his hair to be dried to avoid a cold.

She could keep telling herself that.

And what the fuck was that chin raising movement he did?

In that instant, she could think of nothing but his she wanted to be laid down on the wooden coffee table and fucked like they were all that mattered.

A towel.

A towel with a tattoo that it partially concealed.

He had a tattoo there.

She wanted to see that tattoo.

And his cock.

She wanted to kneel before him.

Did anybody in the entire godsfucking universe bothered to take pity on her sanity and tell her that this man was not just sexy but fictional sexy?

No.

Her sanity had evaporated at some point.

Because her knees were already weakening as soon as she laid eyes on him.

And he’d raised her chin looking like a sex god from a dark romance novel.

Y/n needed to kneel and bend and spread for him all at once.

Y/n: Save me.

Nesta: What happened?

Y/n: I saw him shirtless. In a towel. Only a towel. My sanity is deceased. And I’m so fucking horny.

Nesta: Send pics ;)

Y/n: He has tattoos all over. I saw one of them which was partially covered by that towel. It’s down there.

Nesta: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Y/n: He has a back.

Nesta: Everyone has a back.

Y/n: Wide shouldered, golden, tattooed back, with droplets.

Nesta: Oh. Ohhhhhh. Ohhooohhoooooooo. You lucky bitch, you’re going to get railed. Scratch that back. Mark him well.

Y/n pocketed her phone before she got too delusional and brought the hairdryer. Azriel was sitting on her bed as instructed. She connected the appliance to the plug and gave it to him.

He looked at her coyly with a stupid smirk before she sighed. “Fine.”

Y/n switched on the dryer and dried his hair. She combed through with her fingers and Azriel looked more than happy to simply sit there.

“You should do this if you’re going to wash your hair after lunchtime.” She wanted to sound stern but Y/n was busy thinking about grabbing his hair in other situations.

“Uh huh.” He grinned at her like a cat. Y/n set the dryer down and fluffed down his hair herself.

“All done.”

He stood up and checked himself in the mirror. “Thank you, sweetheart. Now shall we get some vegetables?”

Y/n would have a heart attack at any time soon. She quickly texted Nesta, followed after him, locked the door and they left for shopping.

Instead of heading towards the sidewalk, Azriel headed towards the line of cars parked on the side of the road.

“Where are you going?” Y/n followed. She did not like how this man with his height and long legs just took two steps while she had to take four. She’d never really noticed before since he adjusted his pace to walk by her side.

“My car is here. I had it sent over.” He then looked at her just before he opened the door to the driver’s seat. “Do you drive?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to drive?”

“It’s your car. I’m sure you don’t want a scratch.”

“I trust you.” He walked over and handed the keys to her. “You have a valid licence, right?”

“Azriel, you have to ask about the licence before you give someone your car keys.”

“But you said you drive.” This man had the audacity to look like a scolded child when, not more than twenty minutes ago, he looked like he could throw her around and fuck her all day, every day.

At this point, Y/n needed an exorcism to help with her uncontrollable number of fantasies.

The car was also huge enough to be fucked against. And she could bend over against the bonnet while he took her from behind but it was too cold at night for pants to be removed.

“Y/n?” Azriel appeared in front of her like his existence hadn’t resulted in an unexpected number of filthy delusions that made her panic in his presence. “Ready to leave?”

“All right.”

And they entered the car. When they were settled and she started, Azriel began. “And if you want to go somewhere far just for the quiet, we can go now that we have a car.”

“You love this car, don’t you?”

And Azriel went on a rant about how he’d purchased this one because of all that he fell in love with in this particular model. By the time he finished, they were already parked near the supermarket.

Y/n removed her seatbelt and tapped his arm. “We’ve reached.” She smiled at him.

It was nice and fluffy to simply go on a drive and listen to him.

****

It was so nice to just sit in the car. Azriel loved driving but he recently discovered he also loved sitting. And now that he was following Y/n with the shopping trolley, he felt even better.

And all Azriel wanted to do was to embrace her from behind, kiss her cheek, and laugh with her at something stupid.

It was simple and pleasant. To follow her with a trolley, to watch her frown at two containers of mayonnaise, to listen to her complain about how they should have separate section for panty liners and pads instead of putting them with baby diapers.

She was a bossy woman, a side that revealed itself when they went grocery shopping.

Gods, he wanted her to order him. To ride him and take charge.

His grip on the trolley tightened.

And just when he was beginning to control his thoughts, he saw the fire exit. The washrooms were built there. Nobody would see but he could simply hoist her away and fuck her there.

The thrill of being in a public place did something else to him.

He looked at Y/n and saw her waving at him with a container of something in her hand. He walked over to her and gave his suggestion on the chocolate spread.

The only thing he hated in this routine of grocery shopping was when it ended and they went their separate ways. She’d go to her apartment and he’d go to his. And he hated that. He hated returning to a place where she wasn’t.

And for the first time, Azriel was not alone. He was lonely in the silence.

****

Y/n knew she’d begun caring for her neighbour despite her attraction to him. That she’d started getting used to his presence in her life.

It was only supposed to be sexual attraction but as hot as he was, he was also good to her. He cared for her and his every action proved it.

She liked him.

Oh god.

She actually liked Azriel.

Which sane woman wouldn’t?

She didn’t care about other women. Other women could go drown in the sewer.

What about her?

This man was only supposed to be a one-time encounter from that club they went to for Feyre’s birthday party.

And then he was at the airport.

In the flight. In the same building.

And now he was a part of her life.

And during that dinner when she'd brought him lasagna, when he asked her that question so seriously. “How can I convince you that everything is all right between us?”

Y/n had melted.

She looked at the apartment. This was just for a semester but Y/n loved this space solely because Azriel was next door.

And at some point, she’d begun wishing he was here.

She called Nesta and when her friend picked up the phone, she began crying. “I like him.”

****

Taglist:

@fantanbietsson @angstylittleb1tch @fhgsvbnh @olive-main @cherryjain17 @halo-mystic @starofanotherworld @latinxbipride @viatorem-maris @acotarbestie @sevikas-whore @anthonys-viscountess @randomgurl2326 @thelov3lybookworm @cat-or-kitten

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