my-acotar-thoughts

[my-acotar-thoughts]

I’m crying…

Danika… Connor… I’ve only had you for a few minutes but I love you so fucking much! I will never forgive Sarah for making me love you and ripping my heart out almost immediately after.

😭😭😭

I refuse! This won’t be the end. Fuck canon right now!

[my-acotar-thoughts]

when I say I like Rhysand in theory (fanfic), please know that I am NEVER talking about canon Rhysand.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

Man, Rhysand was never the dreamer in that god awful series. It was always Tamlin

Tamlin is the one who has always done everything he can do to stop injustice. Protecting mortals, always accepting fae from other court in his land, trying his damnedest to find a way to break the curse instead of stealing a mortal. He has always dreamed of a safer and more just world and has always tried to make that come true. Even after loosing so much he always did whats right and true in the end.

but hes doomed by the narrative. His good deeds and genuine soul over shadowed by the biases of the narrator. Hes the age old tragedy of wanting to be the best he can and do the best he can.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

I hated Cassian long before Nesta came into the picture. With SF, since it’s his narration, I hoped it would make me like him. Boy, was I wrong. Here are my reasons.

Cassian has a terrible childhood. He grows up in a camp where the adults are abusive and children are pitted against one another. He has to fight, bet and win supplies from other kids to survive. Until Rhysand’s mother takes him in. His life then takes a drastic turn and becomes far more bearable. Cassian’s basic needs such as shelter, clothing and food are taken care by Rhysand and his mother who live in a magical house that caters to them, while the other kids are scavenging for the same at the end of the day.

If you can’t confer this from the little we know about Cassian’s early life, I don’t think you will understand the rest below.

This is a huge privilege Cassian enjoys but never realises. No one else in the camp is ever subjected to this mercy. Cassian’s behaviour or view doesn’t change after experiencing the shift first hand and still carries the victim mentality after five centuries.

This is shown from the way he and Rhysand treat Azriel. He’s older than the two. He has no experience flying or fighting which is a common knowledge and everyone in the camp considers an ‘embarrassment’. Also, he has scar marks on his hands which are very obvious indication of his prior life. He chooses to learn to fly on his own, away from everyone because of the humiliation. Cassian admits, without remorse to the point of boasting about it, to seeking him out, beating Azriel up, and mocking him. This doesn’t happen in a training pit where they have no choice but to fight. Cassian then offers to help him learn, which is very similar to the ‘reach your hand’ tactic he uses with Nesta later.

He is clearly abusive to Azriel, a boy who’s been traumatised by his half-brothers, without a reason. None of his previous excuses of survival apply here as he doesn’t need it. The next day, Rhysand joins him.

A little tangent, I’m still convinced a little that both of them only chose to help this particular boy because of his shadowsinger abilities. They just didn’t want anyone else to get to him first. In the one year in between, they never took anyone under their wing. If they had truly wanted to help, they could have done very well without the abuse. Mocking I understand since it’s a hostile environment of young boys.

Azriel accepts them as friends which is often used as an explanation for Cassian/Rhysand’s good intentions. His own family treated him like a prisoner, his brothers torturing him whenever they pleased. He’s never met anyone outside the ones chosen by his family or known kindness in his life. He doesn’t see this as abuse because he wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. He accepts the two boys who beat him to pulp and then ‘help’ him because they are comparatively better than his true brothers who burned his hands for a laugh. It doesn’t make Cassian/Rhysand a better person.

Coming back to Cassian’s privileges. Rhysand is the heir of HL of NC. Other kids could hate him and beat him up in training but no one would threaten his life even if he hadn’t been the strongest. Illyrians may defy Rhysand and his family, but no one is stupid enough to kill one of them. Now, Cassian is literally adopted by the heir and Lady of NC. He reaps all of these benefits through his arrangement whether he admits or not, and through the whole year before he and Rhysand become friends until Azriel’s arrival.

After Rhysand becomes HL, Cassian is made his War General. Sure, he is powerful, and his seven siphons and the Carynthian status prove it. But in the eyes of other soldiers, he’s the one Rhysand favoured over them because they are best friends. It’s a common mentality in such situations and Cassian doesn’t try to prove himself to them.

Illyrians live only in Illyria and in bands. Cassian moved to Velaris when he’s a War General and expected to live among them. While the other Generals and Lords take care of these people, he lives in a secret city and only visits these camps for appearances. He doesn’t own a place here as he always stays at the same Windhaven house, also considering he doesn’t own one in Velaris either. He essentially strips himself away from their core identity and traditions while expecting them to respect him as their own when he lives like a prince since Rhysand.

He also destroys an entire camp avenging his mother right after he becomes a warrior.

During Amarantha’s reign, he’s in Velaris while Illyria is suffering. Since some of the bands are allied with Amarantha, they must have known Cassian and Azriel weren’t UtM, letting them believe IC has truly abandoned their people. Immediately after her death, the three hunt the rest of these bands and kill them instead of giving a proper justice/punishment. After all this, he expects them to obey his commands in a war without questioning him.

In the 500 years, he does nothing to change the lives of these people. There are few mentions of banning wing clipping which is not enforced though. He could have improved the lives of young boys by advocating for better conditions—hostels, proper meals, and clothes without having to fight each other for it, maybe a few new rules for this brutal training. But none of it. He hands out blankets in winter to his people. Given how much Rhysand and Feyre boast about their wealth, they could ration out these provisions for everyone every month or year instead of making it look like charity from Cassian.

In 500 years, he manages to start a female fight club which garnered like. . .20 women (iirc). It’s obvious it was just a plot leading to Valkriyes and for Nesta’s arc. Even then, these women are doing chores and then training. He berates the men around these women, provoking them and returning to Velaris, leaving them to endure more hatred/violence from their people.

He literally doesn’t do anything of importance. He trains, bullies, and picks fights. His dream to reform his race is pathetic since he literally does nothing.

And then there’s Morrigan situation. Everyone makes it sound like a favour he did to her. Cassian could have denied her. He did it only to hurt Azriel and tear the two apart. He admits to his jealousy, and to his regret which he feels after he gets what he wants. And he so vividly describes how the sex goes. This is how far this regret extends. Playing buffer means being in the same room as them so the situation doesn’t get out of hand, or interrupting the conversion to keep it comfortable. But he flirts with Morrigan knowing it hurts Azriel and exchanges inappropriate gifts with her in front of everyone including his mate.

I’m not going to get into the whole SF disaster here. But, there’s one scene in MAF where they visit the Archeron’s estate for the first time. Cassian has so much empathy for the Illyrian women doing chores in the camps but doesn’t extend the same to Nesta who had been doing it since their mother died (or at least after they lost their servants) and their family fell into poverty. He understands the struggles of being poor and his heart breaks for Feyre who once starved but not Nesta and Elain who must have gone through the same too.

Cassian is not a villain in anyone’s story but he’s a man child and bully. He’s a classic abuser whose targets and methods constantly evolve. He’s a hypocrite. He states how grateful he is to Rhysand but not to the perks he enjoys every single day. He loves to play the victim while abusing and hurting the ones around him. He loves to exercise his power and authority while pretending to be an underdog. Illyria being a fucked up place filled with cruel people is just an excuse for Cassian to be cruel. It’s a cover up for how ugly he truly is.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

Random view on the ACOTAR series…

Honestly, ACOTAR would be interesting if it was framed as “the birth of a villain” origin story cause while Feyre might think she’s the good guy, her actions in Spring and Summer and her treatment of Nesta, plus her own moral views make her more of a villain waiting to be revealed in my opinion. I mean, she already is an unreliable narrator and there’s this saying about villains being the heroes in their own minds. It’d make the series a lot more interesting to me and would be so cool when a hero is revealed to finally take her and Rhysand down. It’d be a unique twist since you’re seeing the rise and fall from the villain’s perspective.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

To Non-Nessian Fans…

Is Cassian redeemable if he were to work on his anger and realized his devotion to Rhysand has gone from loyalty to cult-like behavior? If Cassian wasn’t with Nesta, could he be a decent guy? I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

Thank you 😊

Edit: Follow up: Do you want him to redeem himself and prove he can be a proper partner to Nesta or someone else or do you just want to move on from him entirely?

[my-acotar-thoughts]

the cool part about writing acotar fics is that sjm is so ass at world building that nothing matters and i can do what i want!

[my-acotar-thoughts]

Me when someone on the other side of the fandom says:

“If YoU dOn’T lIkE tHe MaIn ChArAcTeRs In ACOTAR wHy ArE yOu ReAdInG tHe SeRiEs”

It’s almost as if every other character isn’t 10x more interesting & actually more intelligent than Feysand & The inner circle🤭🤭����🫢🤫🤫

[my-acotar-thoughts]

Me whenever I find a series to get obsessed with 😂

the most fun a girl can have is finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, contemplating

[my-acotar-thoughts]

feyre: all i want to do is paint and live my life without worrying about food or anything

tamlin: tries to built that life for feyre

feyre: gets angry how dare tamlin do what i had told him i wanted?

———

feyre: i don’t want to be a high lady

tamlin: u won’t be bc that’s how it works in the courts

feyre: gets angry tamlin never saw me as his equal

———

feyre: hates the political duties, hates events where she meets the citizens of court and wants them all to leave her alone

feyre: tamlin treated me like his pet and never bothered to teach me anything

———

feyre: extremely traumatised, can’t stand the color red, newly made fae i want to go hunt for the villagers and help kill those wild creatures

tamlin: it’s not safe for u, i will be worried for ur safety and if u get hurt ppl will react badly bc they see u as their saviour so pls pls just stay here

feyre: i can’t believe tamlin wont let me leave and go get more traumatised, have a bad reaction to blood and death and make tamlin and others lose their focus on their take bc they’d have to babysit me

———

feyre: doesn’t listen to tamlin pleas, doesn’t understand his point and so he locks her up in the big manor to keep her safe until he came back

feyre: tamlin had locked me up! he wanted to lock me up for no reason and treated me like his doll

———

feyre: i don’t have anything against spring court people turns the ppl against their high lord, kills tamlin’s guests from another kingdom, destroys spring court

feyre: omg i can’t believe hybern broke their promise, i didn’t mean for this to happen

feyre: i won’t ever apologise for it or even think about it tho

feyre: i can’t even tamlin is angry and blaming me for what i did, he doesn’t get to rewrite the narrative

———

feyre: uses lucien to push tamlin to his breaking point and make him more paranoid and destroys their relationship

feyre: gets angry when tamlin treats lucien like a betrayer

feyre: i won’t ever apologise for it, i don’t even feel guilty for it that much

———

feyre: pushes, pushes and pushes tamlin into a corner until he snaps

feyre: tamlin is the villain, the monster

———

feyre: idc what happens to tamlin or how my mate treats him bc i no longer have any business with him yolo

feyre: is a high lady and doesn’t realise how politics work

———

feyre: lies to tamlin about how rhysand treated her

tamlin: believes them and tries to find a way to break their bargain

feyre: i can’t believe tamlin fell for my lies and thinks rhysand a daemati is controlling my mind

———

feyre: sees how open and welcoming spring court is to others and how much tamlin loves all of his ppl and they willingly are loyal to him

feyre: hears rhysand’s dream of a better world, sees how illyrians and CoN is and thinks rhysand is the better high lord

———

feyre: tamlin sees me as his pet, his property

tamlin: literally fell in love with the wildest feyre, a hunter who killed his friend and was kinda crazy

———

feyre: tamlin wasn’t there for me after UtM

feyre: wasn’t there for tamlin UtM either

———

tamlin: sends lanthe, a priestess, someone tamlin trusted to be there for feyre after UtM and have someone to talk to

feyre: tamlin left me alone, i had no one

[my-acotar-thoughts]

This is honestly so sad to me. I was listening to this scene and my heart broke knowing he ended up UTTERLY ALONE.

People hate him too much, but he’s one of the VERY FEW characters (including Lucien and Nesta) who has repented and actually regret their decisions and have shown to try to change.

I want to see him heal now.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

Healing…

Since Fae have a natural healing ability, does an injury have to be exceptionally bad to leave scars? Or are they covered in faint scars? Cause these men are warriors, they’ve been through shit.

If I recall, Azriel’s hands are scarred because his half brothers wanted to see if his healing ability could beat fire. Lucien had his eye ripped out and he has permanent scars on one side of his face, but they’re not in a way that would make anyone dispute he’s gorgeous. Does Eris have scars from being regularly tortured by Beron? Does Tamlin have scars because his father was supposedly worse than Beron? If I recall, Cassian has come small scars. Does Rhysand have scars from his time with Amarantha cause she was a sadist.

I’m honestly curious, how strong is this natural healing?

Even in Crescent City, Bryce mentions how Vanir (which includes the fae) heal fast cause one of the first things we see if that she and Danika had gotten matching tattoos. While Danika, a wolf shifter, is perfectly healed pretty quickly, Bryce, who is only half fae, is still healing.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

Okay, so I saw a post that basically said “Why are some people reading ACOTAR if they don’t like the IC or Night Court?” and I have a question…

Since when is it embarrassing to keep reading a book even if you don’t like the main characters or the more popular ones?

• News flash: You don’t have to love every character to enjoy a story. Some of the best discussions come from critically engaging with a book, not just blindly worshipping the fan favorites.

• Some of us are here for the worldbuilding, the side characters, the lore, the drama, the chaos. Just because we’re not kissing the ground the IC walks on doesn’t mean we’re not invested.

• And let’s be real—hating certain characters can sometimes be just as fun as loving others.

Y’all act like if someone doesn’t worship Rhysand & Co., they need to pack up and leave. Sorry, but I’m staying, and I’m judging them the whole way through.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

A Court of Thorns and Roses Reading: Chapter 2

My reading notes…

❤️ Elain had asked about Feyre cleaning the doe. Feyre claims Elain wasn’t cruel, just oblivious or dumb. Nesta has yet to speak but Feyre claims Nesta was born with a sneer on her face.

❤️ Feyre forbids Nesta from marrying Tomas Mandray, but Nesta claims they’re in love.

❤️ First mention of Clare Beddor. She seems to be a friend of Nesta’s.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

A Court of Thorns and Roses Reading: Chapter 1

My chapter notes…

❤️ Prythian is the faerie lands

❤️ Feyre dreamed of her sisters being married and leaving Feyre to live with their father with enough food and money to buy paint and time to paint on paper, canvas, or the cottage walls.

❤️ Describes sex with Isaac Hale as hungry, empty, and cruel; never lovely

❤️ Feyre’s first views on her sisters: “I needed new boots, but Elain needed a new cloak, and Nesta was prone to crave anything someone else possessed.” (pg.4)

❤️ Gods of this world, their names have been lost to time.

❤️ Wolf had golden eyes and was the size of a pony with unnatural stealth that didn’t startle a doe

❤️ Feyre believed faeries hated iron and ash wood disrupted their natural healing abilities. Ash trees are rare that she’s only seen drawings of them.

❤️ Wolf was shot in the side with the ash arrow and the second normal arrow went through his eye. Death was not immediate. (Andras 😭😭😭)

❤️ Feyre skinned the wolf and took the pelt home with the dead doe.

[my-acotar-thoughts]

Book readings…

I know it’s been done but I’m having such a hard time reading that I may start rereading the entire series from the beginning and write notes for each chapter and post it. Helpful for future fanfic writing so I don’t forget little key details, quotes, and so I can motivate myself to read.

It might seem silly to some but I get really bad anxiety when I read and idk why. I like these books but it’s like I can’t function. It’s been some years since I read novels so that’s also not helping.

So yeah, this is my new goal. And for those who haven’t read certain books yet, I’ll put my chapter notes under a spoiler.

Wish me luck…

[my-acotar-thoughts]

I don't understand the appeal of fated mates, it's so unromantic

I want them to work to be together, to choose each other, to want each other so much they don't let anything get in the way of that

I don't want them to be together because the universe said so. It's so manipulative and borders on coercive (COUGH Cassian)

I guess I can see the appeal in a sense that people like to believe there's someone out there that's meant for them but that can be true without it being divine intervention and then on top of that you created this soul bond yourself? Purely out of the love you have for each other? That means so much more

Look at Hunt and Bryce, really they're the best of both worlds. They essentially forged a mate bond through the love they have for each other