#nerdy butches forever

[butchharts]

can you guys tell I like sonic :/

[eunnieboo]

IYHM ask replies!!

also, a current snapshot of my mind:

💛 burrito-puppy asked:

Love to see the progress and art you made along the years! Can’t wait for the release 💕💕💕

thank you so much! 💞💞💞 i can't believe it's less than a week away... i can count the number of days left on one hand! AHHHH

💛 Anonymous asked:

Listen. The way that I too am freaking out! Gah. So excited. Can't wait.

THANK YOU!! every day i wake up and i lose my mind LMAO... the only time i'm calm is when i'm distracted, so i can forget it's actually happening haha!

💛 mickiee-art asked:

Where have you been my entire life?? I love your work so much! So excited for your graphic novel release! 💕🫶🏼

thank you so much omg!! i'm so glad! 🥺💖

💛 tabsters asked:

YOO DUDE ONE OF THE PROTAGONISTS OF YOUR SAPPHIC GRAPHIC NOVEL IS VIETNAMESE??? I'M VIETNAMESE AND BISEXUAL AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME HSAKSHKAHSKAHSKAHSAKJ

AHHHHH i'm so thrilled to hear that!!! i live for these messages HFDSKDJHSK HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

💛 Anonymous asked:

I just found your art today and after scrolling through your stuff I went and pre-ordered your book. I'm so excited!!

oh you are too kind!! ;_; thank you so much <3

💛 nimona-antifa asked:

WAITTT THE BLACK HAIRED CHARACTER IN IF YOU'LL HAVE ME IS A BUTCH LESBIAN? I THOUGHT IT WAS A DUDE OMG THEY'RE BOTH SO PRETTYYYYY FBFBDGD I'M GAY 💗💗💗 I seriously love your art its always so wholesome

HAHA OMG I LOVE THIS 😂 thank you!!! BUTCH LESBIANS FOREVER AND ALWAYS 💕💕

💛 albedosleftb0otych33k asked:

I don't know how but I only just found out about your graphic novel and OML! I WILL BUY IT THE SECOND IT COMES OUT! Anyways, I love your art and just wanted to tell you ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

omg thank you so much!! you are the sweetest! ( *´ω`*)♡

💛 jeweljupiter asked:

I just wanted to say seeing your art of Momo and PG makes me feel seen and heard I love the poc representation I’m a plus size dark skin nerdy black girl and seeing more women who look like me finding love gives me hope and makes me happy

when i tell you this means everything to me... it means everything to me. thank you forever T_T ❤️

-

i've been so focused on IYHM for the past couple months... now that the pub date is so close, i'm full of giddy anticipation and terrible dread. so thank you everyone for the love and well wishes! it's really getting me through it.

also, i wasn't sure how to announce this so i wanted to mention it while i'm here: Waterstones now has a special sprayed edge edition of IYHM! i got my copy a little while back and it's really gorgeous. if you like paperbacks i think the color is a lovely touch!

and as another reminder, i'll be having an in-person launch event next tuesday with Brick & Mortar Books in Redmond, WA! truthfully i'm torn between my desire to interact with people and my embarrassment at being seen in public, so please feel free to spare yourselves lmao 😭 i wasn't sure i'd do an event at all but i decided to try at least once before deciding if it's for me. so we'll see how it goes!

whew. the 17th is coming up so fast but i still have so many little tasks to do. the last time i talked about my busy schedule on here, someone sent me a message that said "you deserve a spa day," and i think about it all the time. maybe someday, anon. maybe someday...

[mortishime]

It’s odd thinking about my lesbianism and really thinking about embracing the label of a butch/stud this month considering that I keep my longer hair bc I genuinely enjoy it and it feels freeing while also wearing makeup ( I tend to go more for what would be considered "guy liner" and I love doing my makeup whenever I feel like it.) I don’t know I’ve just always forever felt this attraction for butches/studs myself ( I want to give them lots of love and kisses). I think a lot about how at times I feel like there’s this mold of a butch that I have to fill despite me not being very good at fixing things but I’m lot more artistically involved and just nerdy( I play violin/piano/ I love writing to my core). I’m not necessarily loud but I’m quiet but I can be blunt at times without realizing unfortunately. I also don’t see very many goth butches either which makes me feel a sense of loneliness at times. I just being a lesbian in general especially a black lesbian is really lonely for me at times idk just a rant.

[dollofheart]

forever grateful to be in love with a nerdy butch who completely understands my love for dolls and helps me buy limited releases when I’m at work 🥹💗

[lgbtqmanga]

New Releases Feb. 14, 2023

Candy Color Paradox vol. 6 by Isaku Natsume

Ready to take their relationship to a whole new level, Kaburagi and Onoe make the next big leap on their path to love - finding an apartment together. But end-of-the-year holiday cheer turns into holiday dread, with endless work keeping the two from having time to see each other!

Onoe starts worrying that Kaburagi is overworking himself, but his concern comes off as criticism, sparking the couple’s first big argument and driving Onoe to say that maybe they shouldn’t live together after all. And even after they make up, Kaburagi starts getting cold feet about the big move...

Confessions of a Shy Baker vol. 1 by Masaomi Ito 

Toshimitsu Yamamura owns a real estate company and loves baking delicious, healthy snacks in his spare time. When his coworker comes to him one day with the idea of advertising their real estate agency as LGBT-friendly, Toshi realizes this little change could really help people who often face discrimination in his industry. He's terrified, though, because he worries this move will out him as gay. Joined by his boyfriend Gonta who inspired him to bake in the first place, Toshi navigates a changing world that's slowly becoming more accepting, faces his fears and discomfort, and bakes some incredibly lovely treats along the way.

The Girl That Can’t Get a Girlfriend by Mieri Hiranishi

Mieri is an awkward, nerdy college student with no dating experience, and her previous crushes on fellow butch women have all ended in disaster. That all changes when she meets Ash and has her feelings returned for the first time. But when first love turns to first heartbreak, Mieri will do everything possible to win Ash back. Based on true events, this is a hilarious and heart-wrenching story about love, loneliness, and the true meaning of finding one’s own happy ending.

Just Friends by Ana Oncina 

During one summer in her teens, Erika’s mother pressured her into going to a local overnight camp. Despite her reservations, Erika ended up meeting a girl named Emi... and Emi didn't let Erika’s anti-social front prevent them from forming a special bond. Now in their 30s, Erika and Emi reminisce about that fateful summer and consider what could have been.

Megumi & Tsugumi vol. 1 by Mitsuru Si

A tough-guy omega who believes he can control his heats through sheer willpower meets his match when he faces off with an alpha unlike any he’s ever encountered before!

Tsugumi is a delinquent who hates all alphas for how they treat omegas like him, so when some alphas from an elite school attack another omega, Tsugumi beats ’em to a pulp! Megumi, the son of the elite school’s chairman, takes it upon himself to avenge his pummeled friends, but when the time comes, all he finds is a fired-up Tsugumi reeking of pheromones and insisting he can control his heat through sheer willpower!

Faced with a different kind of battle, Megumi goes from attacker to savior, whisking Tsugumi to safety and leaving the cranky omega reconsidering everything he’s ever thought about alphas.

Monologue Woven For You vol. 3 by Syu Yasaka

Nao and Haruka spend happy days together with their shared dream. Yet all it takes is one small event to trigger others much larger. Haruka collapses at work and Nao rushes to her side, abandoning her plan to finally tell Haruka of their shared past on the stage. When secrets break free and histories are remembered, both Nao and Haruka must face the consequences of the revelation.

Sailor Moon vol. 1 + Exclusive Q Posket Petit Figure (Naoko Takeuchi Collection)

This strictly-limited edition includes an EXCLUSIVE "Classic Sailor Moon" Q Posket Petit figure straight from Japan, plus the first volume of the manga in a special box suitable for gifting. In the name of the Moon, don't miss your chance to get one of these before they're gone forever!

Inside the box:

A limited-edition, exclusive, 70-millimeter figure from Banpresto's collectible Q Posket Petit line, depicting Sailor Moon as she appeared in the original manga from 1991.

Vol. 1 of the manga, from the new Naoko Takeuchi Collection edition, featuring an updated translation and high page count.

[calpalsworld]

idk if you saw zeurel's twitter but one of the second set of wip Monkey wrench pins has dr. Agness and i though ya might like.

also curious what attracted you to her?

ARE YOU KIDDING-- WHAT-- I--

OHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I was literally joking when the pins came out that I was MAD that they didn't have a Dr. Agness one. but i didnt expect them to possibly make one..... I.... I... I NEED THIS??? I NEED HER?????? If it comes out and I don't notice that its out PLEASE someone notifiy me so i can buy it ASAP.

What attracted me to her?

Ummmmm

I think her voice actress did a SPECTACULAR job and her dialogue is super funny and cute. Shes a very simple character but she was a silly and effective villain. i love her granny nature. But shes straight up evil as fuck which made me scared of her at first but I have come to actually dig it. Love when women can be terrible power hungry murderers. #feminism. And her design? Its so freaking awesome and unique. I love how she is an angler fish but also she looks like the plants on the Lythop's planet. So you'd think maybe she is from the planet herself or something? Which seems innocent. Idk thats what I thought. Also shes a sun obviously of course. So epic. But also they make her SUPER obviously evil from the start which is funny as fuck. I love how she slips up and is so bad at pretending to be good even though shes probably been doing this scheme a WHILE. She is not even trying very hard to pretend i guess LOL, or shes just impatient. Sooooooooooo cute!!!! Also her battle theme GOES SO HARD? Also she feels like she could have deep lore but she doesn't so thats really fun to think about. Also every little expression she does is amazing since monkey wrench is such a well animated show. Also she has a big sword????? And a cool hoverchair??? and a cool mech fighting form???? and it looks like a fish??? and is cool?! and she is a fish!!!!

What **attracted** me to her?

Well don't tell Zeurel because he said he doesn't want people lusting over his characters where he can see it but..... if you know me, you'll know that my type is absolutely nerdy GNC/butch fat big-boobed older women ....sooooooooo........ And plus, shes an ALIEN!?!?!?!??! plus SHES EVIL???? plus shes BADASS?!?!?! also. her voice. Also can we talk about how when she reveals herself as evil she rips her sleeves off? its such a good look and ummmm...... Hi granny.... like... * twirls my hair and tries not to sweat too hard or look like a pathetic animal that is dying * can i feel your big strong funny fish arms? please. please.

Also I don't see this type of character (fat gnc women) often in media so imo I'm just happy to have one for once even if shes so evil and so sucks. thank you monkey ranch

note: i know she isnt actually fat with big boobs because she is actually just a head with little fins and a lure and arms.... but shut up idc shes so fucking hot no matter what. shes hot as a little evil fish too. shes hot in her fighting machine too okay? shes. always. hot. me x agness forever. i want her to hold me. because shes awesome. shes always awesome. im a dr agness stan for life she could kill everyone in the galaxy. i wouldn't care. she didn't do anything wrong. ever.

tldr; funny. cool design. hot alien granny.

[omegalomania]

Ok honestly fall out boy is so interesting to me bc they’re a very huge example of what would realistically happen if just some dudes who like music got sprung into fame randomly… like they’re one of the biggest modern bands but aside from their actual talent, there’s nothing really ��glamorous” or “celebrity” about them, and i don’t mean that in like a “ooh i forget they’re celebs they’re soo different/quirky” kind of way but like in the way that it’s insane seeing the contrast of patrick mentioning in a recent interview that he isn’t on social media/the internet anymore bc he’s paranoid everyone hates him vs the fact that he was literally trending on twitter yesterday bc people love his performance in de:pp… like everyone jokes around about fobs obliviousness to their fame but like that kind of anxiety is realistically exactly what would happen to any normal nerdy shy dude that happened to get thrust into fame for fixating on music… SORRY this is so long winded but your posts got me thinking about this weird lil band again

i think absolutely one of the most endearing things about all of them is that literally none of them know how to be famous and it's still extremely funny to me. they are literally just some guys and they're like oh right We're A Big Famous Band and they always seem surprised to be recognized. like oh my god you guys have been chart-toppers for 20 years you are allowed to have a FRACTION of an ego about it but they literally just dont!

but i think they’re just extremely aware that they were exceptionally lucky, and while they’re certainly all extremely extremely talented dudes, the sad fact is that the industry is constructed in such a way that raw talent is never enough to get you where you need to go. they had grounding and stability that a lot of other up-and-coming artists sadly don’t get, and i think they understand that very well and it has a lot to do with their perpetual surprise that people still care about them.

this ask reminded me of something i saw posted forever and ever ago on the fall out boy subreddit (which is a godless joyless place and i do not recommend frequenting it, except that it does, on occasion, serve as a good source for news update and the like) and i had to dig through literal years’ worth of ancient plurks to find it again, but i DID because it still rings true to me today:

transcript of the image, with some emphasis by me:

“Yes, I’m late 30s and wasn’t particularly into FOB’s early work b/c I saw all 00s pop punk as an extension of the havoc GD/Blink’s popularity on 90s punk, but I was quite aware of Racetraitor, Arma, and Chicago’s cultral moment with the sound in general from 90s message baords. It was easily some of the best challenging-to-enjoy work of that time. I was busy buying jumble lots of obscure East Coast punk, tossing ones with swastikas (yay anti-racist skins, fuck anti-anti racist skins) and mining for gold like a proper grumpy punk teen, so I didn’t listen to them a lot.

But as a child of the early 80s, tenors & hits, I got into FOB years later when they were doing weird top-shelf pop rock. That helped me understand what younger people appreciated about their early stuff.

I rarely get to say this, but searching for a comparison in terms of bands reaching/sustaining their level of success with that kind of shitty basement political punk history... Bad Religion, maybe? BR was absolutely an oddball pop-inspired punk band & they were/are massive given what they discuss, and more so via their label creation. They never really grew much, though. Rancid are great & have a duo at the core. The Clash were exceptional and experimented a lot.

FOB’s presence over the past two decades is just not a thing that is supposed to happen anymore. Couldn’t be happier it worked out for punks managed by guys who are music stories of their own. Knew of jonathan Daniel from The Loveless thanks to a superfan debate coach in the 90s, was overjoyed to hear he was managing Butch Walker in the early 00s. I wasn’t aware of McLynn at the time, but I’ve heard his stuff since and what a house bassists built.”

legitimately i struggle to think of a band like fall out boy in the mainstream. a band with legitimate punk and hardcore roots, who built their way into practically universal recognition, and have remained culturally relevant for literal decades. that’s not a thing that happens a whole lot and it’s not a thing that is meant to happen anymore.

i think it’s one of the reasons it’s easy to look at them as the underdogs, even now. like by just about any metric, they’re not underdogs anymore, but they still manage to feel like kind of an island. there truly is no other band like them on the planet, and i don’t think that there ever will be.

[lovejustforaday]

Sonic Youth Albums Ranked (Part 1)

There are few indie/alternative bands that I’d argue are as challenging and engaging, or as formative as Sonic Youth.

From their early days as a radical no wave project, to their mid-career as a hard-hitting noise rock band, to their later years as a mellow indie band with prickly guitar tones, Sonic Youth has reinvented the concept of both the guitar and rock music in general again and again. They’ve probably made at least fifty or so never-before-heard noises with their instruments. Combining these sounds with lyrics that regularly explore disillusionment, nihilism, social transgression, pop culture, feminism, abstract thought, underground scenes, and outsider art — it’s safe to say that Sonic Youth have always gone against the grain.

The members of Sonic Youth are obviously all musicians, but they have also been iconoclasts, satirists, and poets throughout their careers, creating music that demolishes both the conventions of rock as well as the social pretensions of the conservative American lifestyle.

Each member of the main lineup contributes something fundamental to the band:

-Guitarist/vocalist/de-facto leader Thurston Moore, the no-fucks-given anti-rock star icon and visionary (albeit he’s kind of a smug twerp these days)

-Bassist/guitarist/vocalist Kim Gordon, the reserved but sharp-witted feminist and multi-disciplinary artist

-Guitarist/sometimes vocalist Lee Ranaldo, the revolutionary master of bizarre guitar tunings

-Drummer Steve Shelley, whose soft and shy demeanor masks a deliverer of precise, high-speed rhythmic anarchy

I could go on and gush about this band forever, but I’ve decided to settle for writing a big nerdy list all about how I feel each Sonic Youth album holds up when ranked. With 15 proper records in total, there is a lot to digest. Likewise, I highly encourage you if you haven’t already to go listen to some of these LPs for yourself and formulate your own opinions about one of the most fascinating bands to have ever existed. This list is really just my two cents.

Note: we will be focusing on the 15 full-length studio albums recorded under the name “Sonic Youth”. This list does not include the s/t debut EP, nor does it include the “Whitey Album” or the SYR series since those are best understood as separate side projects. This list is going to be long enough as it is anyway.

15. Rather Ripped (2006)

Main Genres: Indie Rock, Alternative Rock

A decent sampling of: Noise Rock

From any other band, this is a perfectly decent album with a few nice, gratifying guitar tones here and there. But as a Sonic Youth album, Rather Ripped sounds like the band is on auto-pilot. This is the band’s only album that to my ears sounds like it could’ve been written by any number of other alternative rock bands at the time. It just lacks a certain essential edge that their music usually has.

It really doesn’t help the case for this record that Thurston Moore began having an affair at this point in the career, and it is disgustingly present in the lyrics in hindsight, with the offensively titled “Sleeping Around” and possibly even “Incinerate” both probably taking inspiration from his dirty little secret.

I usually separate art from the artist to a certain degree, but in this case it really does kill part of the experience, because I can’t help but feel that Thurston is having a stupid little giggle to himself by hiding his affair in plain sight and it’s really just kind of pathetic. Kim Gordon is my favourite member of the band, and to me she’s the epitome of an extremely cool person, which only makes the whole thing worse. Seriously, quit bragging old man.

Speaking of “Incinerate”, I can confidently say that I think this is the band’s most overrated song. Certainly not their worst, but I really can’t fathom how so many people consistently put this up there with “Schizophrenia” or “The Diamond Sea” as one of Sonic Youth’s top five songs when it’s honestly just so...by the numbers.

That being said, Rather Ripped is not ‘bad’ per se, it’s mostly just that it really lacks something the band usually has, which makes the project feel a little soulless. Still, the record has its better moments. “Pink Stream” is rather ethereal sounding, which is pretty rare in the band’s discography given their usual penchant for the bombastic and ear-shattering, or the ominous and unsettling. “Turquoise Boy” is also a nice mellow track that probably could’ve fit in quite well as one of many solid tracks on A Thousand Leaves, albeit most of those tracks would still trounce this one.

Rather Ripped is all-around competent; it’s a pretty consistent listen and a decent enough beginner-level Sonic Youth album in terms of accessibility. But there’s just nothing about this album that really grabs me like literally any of their other LPs. There’s almost none of the band’s personality on this record (save perhaps Thurston’s inflated ego). Perhaps it is best to call it their “least interesting” album instead of their “worst”. Honestly, you could just skip this one and you probably wouldn’t miss much.

6/10

highlights: “Pink Stream”, “Turquoise Boy”

14. The Eternal (2009)

Main Genres: Indie Rock, Alternative Rock

A decent sampling of: Noise Rock

The Eternal is the last LP Sonic Youth put out as a band. With context, the record has somewhat of a somber feeling. Even its name ‘The Eternal’ seems to suggest that the band might’ve known that it would be their last record, as if the album could be at least partially a reflection on the band’s legacy that will eventually go on to outlive each member.

The band really does sound a little burnt out at multiple points on this record, particularly in terms of Thurston’s vocals which can be best described as sounding ‘exhausted’. Again, like Rather Ripped, the music is certainly competent and enjoyable, but it’s also noticeably less adventurous than on earlier LPs. The album is also a bit more sluggish than most of the band’s past work, feeling just about as long as Daydream Nation or Washing Machine despite being well over 10 minutes shorter than either of those LPs.

I’ll be perfectly honest: if it weren’t for “Massage The History”, this record probably wouldn’t be all that much better than Rather Ripped. Kim Gordon gets to have the very last words on the record with this grim and cryptic requiem about hers and Thurston’s relationship, indicating that she was at least partially aware at the time that the two of them were growing apart.

This would be the last album Sonic Youth put out before Kim became fully aware of Thurston’s affair with a younger woman, leading to her divorce and the band’s inevitable breakup. The song is honestly kind of painful to listen to for that reason, but it is also tragically and morbidly beautiful. “Massage The History” is chronologically the last track in the entire Sonic Youth discography which stretches across 15 LPs over the course of three decades, and it’s a very worthy swan song for the band, if also a bitter reminder that most things cannot last.

“Malibu Gas Station” is another standout, a nocturnal alternative rock jam that sounds very much like a track from the Sister-Daydream Nation-Goo era, and yet another example of Kim Gordon’s capabilities as a member of the band. Really, Kim basically carries this entire LP on her shoulders in terms of the lyrics and vocals.

Nevertheless, I like this record for what it represents if nothing else, and I would still say that it is a level above Rather Ripped thanks to the album closer, and more on par with the next couple of albums on this list. However, I would never recommend that anyone start their Sonic Youth journey with this LP. You can listen to their discography in just about any order you want to, but I’d highly recommend that you save this one for last. The Eternal is a mostly bittersweet experience that is best appreciated after hearing the rest of the band’s output.

7/10

highlights: “Massage The History”, “Malibu Gas Station”

13. Experimental Jet Set, Trash, And No Star (1994)

Main Genres: Noise Rock, Alternative Rock

A decent sampling of: Experimental Rock, Post-Punk

Experimental Jet Set, Trash, And No Star came right after the modest commercial success of Goo and Dirty, and I think you can hear on this LP that the band is reacting to that success by trying to resharpen some of the edges that were smoothed out by Butch Vig’s production on Dirty. Basically, this sounds rather like Dirty but less put-together, less consistent, and a lot more raw.

I appreciate that they wanted to do their own thing and challenge expectations again, and you can really tell that the band is mostly playing around on this record, but in this case I gotta say that the songwriting seems to suffer a little because of that.

The album starts off promising enough with two major highlights. First, there’s a rare acoustic offering with the lo-fi opener “Winner’s Blues”, the first of many tracks that would appear on later Sonic Youth LPs proving that Thurston’s vocals can actually be quite soothing. Then there’s the winding, topsy-turvy patterns of “Bull In The Heather” where lyrically Kim mocks the infantilization of women in her usual snarky, sing-talking fashion. Later on the record, there’s also “Bone” which has a very sinister, bluesy swagger to it that I really enjoy.

But everything else from here on out is kind of a mixed bag. The main setback really seems to be the track lengths; it’s actually pretty weird for a Sonic Youth album at this point in the band’s career to be full of songs that are mostly only two or three minutes long like they are on Experimental Jet Set, Trash, and No Star. That’s not inherently bad of course, but a lot of these tracks really only sound like ‘parts’ of a Sonic Youth song; some really good ideas, but largely underdeveloped.

Take “Starfield Road” for example, which takes a whole minute to build up this really cool and bizarre turbulent sound storm, and then Thurston starts singing over it for a couple of bars until it all sorta just stops abruptly. This track could work in theory if it was structured differently. “Mildred Pierce” off of Goo does something similar, but with that track there’s pay off at the end with the sudden wicked, destructive breakdown which catches you off guard, but here there’s simply no pay off for the listener.

Combine the lack of complete songwriting with the fact that this is actually one of the longest tracklistings on any Sonic Youth album at 14 tracks, and you get an album that feels like it’s bloated with lots of filler. Mind you, there’s still a lot of great little moments on this LP, but very few of them come together to make great songs. It’s an excellent sampler of just how many different ways Sonic Youth can play with a riff or make weird new static noises, but with regards to songwriting, Experimental Jet Set, Trash, and No Star feels more like a collection of demo tapes than a proper album. Still, there’s some cool energy on this record and I’d say it’s a worthwhile listen for any diehard fan.

7/10

highlights: “Bull In The Heather”, “Bone”, “Winner’s Blues”

12. NYC Ghosts & Flowers (2000)

Main Genres: Experimental Rock, Noise Rock, Art Rock

A decent sampling of: Post-Rock, Art Punk, Beat Poetry, No Wave

This is a good example of why we can’t have nice things. Somewhere between A Thousand Leaves and this record, Sonic Youth had most of their gear stolen by some jackass, which effectively meant pressing a hard reset button on the band’s sound for at least one album.

Likewise, a lot of people say that this is their worst record, and yeah I get why those people feel that way, but I actually like NYC Ghosts & Flowers for the fact that it forced the band to undergo yet another major sonic transformation. It‘s certainly more consistently interesting than Rather Ripped or The Eternal, just a very strange album in general, and for that it gets some extra points. I should also mention that this is the first of a couple of albums where the band collaborated with the acclaimed avant-garde artist Jim O’Rourke.

With lyrics influenced by the legendary mid-20th century ‘beat poetry’ scene born out of the band’s own New York City, this is the most 'abstract' Sonic Youth ever sounded. You can hear hints of the band’s no wave origins on this record, but with all of the crude chaos of those early LPs replaced with cerebral tension.

It’s also more sparse than any of their other studio albums, even more so than the dark and intangible Bad Moon Rising. Unfortunately, in this case that also leads to some tracks like “Nevermind (What Was It Anyway)” feeling somewhat empty, or perhaps sometimes too monotonous or repetitive without enough sonically gratifying moments.

But there are exceptions, and the middle portion of this album is where the new formula mostly thrives. “Small Flowers Crack Concrete” is vivid post-rock art poetry, not unlike a more noisy, sporadic version of some of the songs off of Slint’s beloved post-rock classic Spiderland. “Side2Side” is very aurally pleasing, with plinkety guitar staccatos and Kim’s voice hopping from one ear to the other like some kind of noise rock ASMR.

“StreamXSonik Subway” is a freaky little track that sounds calmly menacing, and I really like the high-pitch computer-y bloops. But then right after that there’s the seven and a half minute title track “NYC Ghosts & Flowers” which could probably give me a headache if I didn’t distract myself with something else while I was listening to it; truly maybe the worst track of the band’s entire discography if I was asked to pick one.

Overall, I’d say that NYC Ghosts & Flowers is a very artistic and fascinating experience in the moment, but I don’t really end up remembering much of it an hour or two after listening to the record. It just doesn’t really stay with me like some of their other records, and I don’t often feel the need to revisit this LP. I think Sonic Youth does the whole ‘sparseness' thing better when they’re aiming to sound vast, haunting, or nihilistic, as opposed to this kind of small, cerebral, sit-down-in-an-empty-room-and-listen experience which I personally find a bit more suited to other bands.

That being said, I applaud them for taking a lot of risks on this one, and I genuinely like NYC Ghosts & Flowers for the moments where it really does seem to be on the cusp of something groundbreaking. It's also a pretty polarizing record for most listeners, so maybe you’ll love it.

7/10

highlights: “Small Flowers Crack Concrete”, “Side2Side“, “StreamXSonik Subway”

[selinascatnip]

I am not a gamer tho. But I really loved nerdy Ed.

BatCat were too young for that kiss. I think is super weird when adults make young actors kiss.

I actually liked the Isabella plot? Mostly because it was funny seeing Oswald mad about it but I also enjoyed the homage to Hitchcock’s Vertigo, I really like that movie.

And Five’s story was such a bummer, I grew up watching La Usurpadora, I expected a lot better.  

I absolutely LOVE millionaire brat Bruce and I need more fic

Also Selina was about to throw Bruce off that rooftop like a cat when they see a cup lying on any high surface and you can’t convince me of the contrary 

I started liking Barbara then she started to make no sense so I got annoyed by her, then Tabby happened and I really shipped them and though they were giving us bootleg Ivy/Harley, I really hated all the Butch nonsense. 

The actress that took over Selina’s part on the final was really lovely, but she wasn’t able to give Selina life like Cam, that last scene should have broke me forever but fell flat because it wasn’t her.

I really don’t like Gotham’s Alfred sue me 8D

This was fun. Thank you @gothamstreetcat​ for making the templates

[flying-elliska]

What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao.  If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

-  When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes.  However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh. 

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute. 

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

 And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too. 

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope.  But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth. 

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome. 

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride. 

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis. 

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it. 

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever. 

[heka-write]

So there are a lot of videos with this title. And this topic has been discussed since I was in high school (2012); so basically a long time. The main point these videos seem to be making is that:

1) Making a female character fight or do other traditionally “masculine” things is not automatically going to make them a good character.

2) Many times fans dislike more feminine female characters for being feminine, and that being feminine doesn’t mean a female character can’t be well-written. What determines a strong female character is her development, flaws, story arc, etc etc.

Obviously, I agree with both these points. Many of my favorite female characters do take on more support roles rather than fighting roles (Anastasia from OUATIW, Mai from Yugioh: Duel Monsters, the Pretty Little Liars cast from the books, Elena from TVD S1 + S2 (when she took the damsel in distress role more than in later seasons. Ironically enough I didn’t like her in later seasons at all.))  I have seen many examples of authors trying to make up for their female character’s lack of development by giving them power ups (Sakura from Naruto is the main example. She was nothing but pairing fodder for the whole series and the author tried to make up for it at the very end by giving her a surprising power up out of nowhere ). So what exactly is my problem with the abundance of these videos?

Let’s look at some of these “masculine” females:

All of these girls/women…are super feminine. All of them have long hair, tightly fitted suits, Hollywood makeup, and sometimes even high heels. From what I know, most of them are also straight.

Yes, despite what a LOT of people are saying, most of these protagonists are super “feminine” but just have the few characteristics of “masculinity” such as fighting. There’s also the issue of some of them being emotionally stoic rather than complex, but somehow that makes them “masculine”. It doesn’t, it just means they are badly written with a few traditionally masculine traits like fighting. The best written male characters are those who are emotionally complex as well; it doesn’t have anything to do with “femininity”.

Honestly, if the YA community views these women as “masculine”, how would they respond to a butch lesbian?

Or how they would respond to women who ACTUALLY don’t look traditionally “feminine” :

What I’m basically saying is this: No, there is not an abundance of “masculine” female characters, or those who defy gender norms as I’d rather like to say. If anything, we need more female characters who genuinely do defy gender norms outside of just fighting and are also well written.

If you’ve noticed, I’ve been putting “feminine” and “masculine” in quotes this whole time, and I’ll explain why. 

A lot of people have said something along the lines of this (paraphrased) quote:

“These female characters who fight are basically showing that women have to act like men to be empowered”

No, women who defy gender norms are not “acting like men”. Women who fight, don’t wear makeup, play video games, refuse to have children, don’t like to cook, etc are acting like women who don’t follow traditional gender roles. They are not acting “like men” because men do not own any of these traits. Masculinity and femininity are just social constructions of gender.  Aka gender roles. When you say that women who don’t adhere to gender roles are “acting like men” you are perpetuating gender roles and being sexist. Most of the people I have seen in these videos or articles call themselves feminists…but feminism is completely opposed to enforcing these types of gender roles.

Obviously there is a lot of grey area in certain aspects of gender. Some neuroscientists claim there is no “female brain”, other specialists say there are some differences, but telling women that we need to “act more feminine” or ladylike is probably the epitome of archaic misogyny. It also leads way to telling women who are tomboys or GNC that they have “internalized misogyny” for not conforming. You may as well tell me to get back in the kitchen.

Yes, there are good traits that are demonized for being traditionally feminine. Childcare and cooking are often times taken for granted despite the amount of skill they require. Nonviolence isn’t as popular in mainstream media because violence is more flashy. These are traits we should be promoting more of, for both sexes.

But let’s not forget when gender roles were created; they were created in societies where women were men’s property as a guidance for telling women how to behave and as a way to tell men how to keep women in line. There needs to be some criticism and separation from those negative aspects of femininity. We need less women fighting in high heels, we need less nerdy girls getting makeovers. We need more women in relationships with other women. We need to emphasize the importance for women to learn self-defense, instead of letting them think these situations will never happen to them.

Criticizing femininity is not the same thing as hating on women who are feminine, because femininity is a role put upon women, not womanhood in itself. 

As a last note; the definition of femininity differs from culture to culture. In Middle Eastern/South Asian culture (where I am from) women aren’t encouraged to wear makeup or revealing clothes, but rather cover from head to toe. Cats aren’t considered “female” pets, video games aren’t considered boy games etc. How can femininity be innate if it’s different across the world? Which is the innate one?

All I’m saying is that the concept of femininity can and should be criticized, and that we need more genuinely gender nonconforming females who are well written. We can do that without bashing feminine women or characters, and we can do that while creating complex female characters.

@melinapendulum have been following you forever would love to know your thoughts!

[the-brilliant-questioner]

This is My Family... (Gotham x OC’s)

This is a story I thought of inspired by the mini Gotham life @high-functioning-fangirl473 and I fantasize about. And due to it being about a year since we became really close friends and her changing my life forever I would like to present this. I don’t own any of the characters except for the OCs. I do hope you like this, it will be another multi-part series, please enjoy. 

Plot of Series: Two sisters Theodora and Phillipa met through the crime families that reside in Gotham City. Phillipa, a hitman and Theodora the daughter of a combined mob family and a cartel. This story shows their journey through hell and back (multiple times) and Theodora creating a family of her own from the major criminals that inhabit Gotham.

Our lives are not the easiest that’s for sure, but what do you expect from living in Gotham. My parents were one of the top families in Gotham. My mother came from the mob family the Burkes an Irish family, they were slowly losing money, power and their respect. My father came from a struggling cartel known as the Ochoas. And that’s where their marriage and myself came into play.

I in truth was merely an asset to show a new era of power and partnership or something like that. Despite the two families together they did not have all that they dreamed. So they partnered with the Falcones . And that’s where I met someone who would change my life forever. Her name was Phillipa , but I like to call her Pippa. An assassin I met while helping my parents with business. She was a refreshing sight after being with high class people all my life. Not to mention she was more family than the family I had.

Being the eldest from my parents came with a lot of added expectations. If the slightest thing was imperfect about me they would snuff it out in a heartbeat. Puberty was a trip, a time of change and imperfections mocked for years. And mistakes as a child remembered for life. Would they ever think about putting this guilt on my sibling? No never, I always have to be the one that can’t ever do anything wrong, which makes every little detail a problem. Even at schools, people only saw my nerdy brain and my families money. Which turned into regular bullying.

Nothing I did was good enough it seemed. But not to Pippa, she saw me as no one had before. What everyone saw as something crazy was sane to her. And it was comforting. She became my sister no matter what people said. Sadly the words and hate and spite became too much. So Pippa decided to take me in and never let those people hurt me ever again. Some literally, others figuratively. We have been through hell and back multiple times.

Despite being a hitman money was hard to get for us. I hated it but I did keep a secret from her. “ Theodora, I’ve got a job tonight. That means I’m going to be home late. “ She told me packing her back. “ That’s okay. I’m pretty sure I can handle myself. Don’t worry about it. “ She then shook her head saying “ I’m your sister I’m supposed to worry.” We then hugged like we always do before her jobs. “ I love you, come back in one piece okay?” And I she went out the door she replied with an “ I always do.”

After I knew she was gone I threw some money into my jacket and headed out. At times when Pippa didn’t have a job or her jobs came in really slow we became strapped for cash. So I would sneak out to a place called Cherries. Sure gambling was not the best solution, but I can read people well. Especially with some of those fighters. I just take their mass, structure, and will into account and I rarely lose money. It’s all in the statistics.

As I walked into the fight club I arrived just in time to put in my votes for the night. ‘First of the night start small.’ I thought. Looking at the roster I found a name I didn’t recognize. “ Excuse me Cherry, but who’s Grundy? I’ve never seen that name before.” Cherry sighed and pointed “ Some new guy that’s over there. The whole house is against him so I wouldn’t waste your time. But seeing how you win a lot of money from us betting on him might be what you need to do.”

I glanced over in the direction she was pointing and my heart stopped. It was The Riddler and someone who looked an awful lot like Butch. And judging by Pippa and I’s history with them or at least with people they hated, I could only hope they didn’t recognize me. Even in fear of them killing me my heart started to flutter. I may or may not have a huge crush on Edward Nygma. Though now seeing them they seem to focused on the fight I went on with my bets. Two hundred seemed like a good amount. And I know Butch he can take and give a mighty hard punch.

As the fight started to commence Butch or Grundy as he was called was not doing to well. Ed rushed over angrily “ What are you doing? Fight!” I wish he hadn’t worn his suit leaning into the ring out lined parts I didn’t need to see, yet I couldn’t stop staring. “ Grundy fight now?” He asked so sweetly. “YES! NOW!” 

By the end of the fight Grundy won and the Hammer had is last fight and breath. Cherry then walked over to Ed gave him his winnings and then handed me mine saying “Kid if I didn’t like ya so much and think your sweet, I would have kicked your ass out months ago.” I gave a cheeky smile and thanked her. 

As the night went on I had earned quite a lot of money. At least five thousand dollars. So for my last thirty minutes I had before Pippa was going to be home I spent at the bar. A large person sat next to me, and started staring. It was none other than Grundy himself. “ Hi.” He smiled. I replied with a nervous hello. He then placed a hand on his chest “ Grundy.”

 Puzzled I looked at him. Maybe he wasn’t Butch or maybe he doesn’t remember. Either way judging by what I’m seeing now this is the personality of a different person. “ I’m Theodora. My friends call me Thea. Since it can be a mouthful to say.” I said introducing myself. He then started to open his mouth and started focusing really hard “ The-Theo-dor-Theodor-r-ra?” He struggled and started to get upset he couldn’t say my name. “ Hey it’s okay. You can call me Thea.” I said placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “ Grundy your friend? “ he asked confused. “ Um Sure.” I smiled which he also did in return. “ Thea! Grundy think that name pretty.”

“ Why thank you.” Then there was an interruption “ Grundy what are you doing?” Ed asked walking up to us. “ Talking to Nice Lady.” I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh he’s like a giant puppy. “ Don’t I know you?” Ed asked. I couldn’t comprehend the question out of fear and my heart swooning. “ Um-Well maybe?” I answer. Those chocolate eyes were so enchanting. That was my last problem when Pippa would work with Penguin, I would get distracted by Ed. I was snapped out of it when I heard my phone buzz.

I quickly read the text, it was from Pippa. ‘ Coming home soon. Bring the Beautiful Bald with me.’ I sighed at my sisters little nicknamed. “ I’m so sorry to cut this short but I have to go.” I said getting up and making my way towards the door. “ Bye Nice Lady!” Grundy yelled after me. And with that I dashed home.

[top3cats]

ok so before i was using, like, “cuter” photos and i was choosing to list interests that i thought weren’t too....weird?/that i thought more people could relate to. or really general things like that i study japanese

the people who liked me were overwhelmingly really mousey ”nerdy” girls (the type who like harry potter enough to put it in their profile) and/or weebs. anime fans wearing unstyled cosplay wigs and shit.

this time... like, recently i’ve been letting my true goth kid self shine through & my photos reflect that? and also i’m specifically listing things like visual kei & true crime that i like but didn’t think a lot of people would relate to? or that might be off-putting?

and i’m still getting mousey nerds & weebs but it’s definitely less of them in comparison to a LOT more relatively attractive people and/or people with edgier looks who talk to me about concerts and shit. and twice i’ve matched with people who know vk. like i had a conversation a while back with a butch girl about how we both like d’espairsray before she went ghost forever

and even when they don’t relate to my interests i’m getting complimented on my appearance a ton more. maybe just bc my haircut now suits me better, but still

social experiment

[letseattodaysass]

All of the astrology asks

-aries: what are you passionate about?

Acting? Being a bitch? Being neutral and dead inside? Not having a passion? Idk man.

-taurus: name 3 of your favorite books.

Eragon, Four Past Midnight, and The Lightning Thief.

-gemini: what was the last text you sent?

“Lol I ran a red light”

-cancer: if you could choose your child's zodiac sign, what would it be?

Cancer? Which happens to be the same as this question lol.

-leo: name something you love about yourself.

The fact that I literally do not give a fuck anymore and it pisses people off lmao.

-virgo: what's your #1 pet peeve?

People talking over each other and then it just turns into yelling and I want to die.

-libra: describe your dream partner.

Tall as fuck, nice eyes, not a skinny hoe so I can be thrown across the goddamn room during sex, also really really nerdy and into Let’s Players.

-scorpio: do you trust easily?

No but I tell people everything so they can’t use it against me as leverage lmao.

-sagittarius: if you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be?

Venice I think.

-capricorn: what's your dream job?

Ideally an actor or a writer (or a YouTuber but everyone is these days so).

-aquarius: do you believe in aliens?

Do you not? Dude, space is so vast there has to be something else out there don’t be fucking dumb.

-pisces: describe someone you love.

She’s tall and skinny as hell and has boney fingers and toes but is really pretty and has great eyebrows and eyes and hair and is cute literally always. Also she lets me bitch about people all the time and has never ever made me second guess myself (after we became friends because we used to mutually think that we hated each other even though we didn’t).

-sun: describe yourself in 3 words.

Short, pudgy, hyperactive

-moon: what's your favorite song?

Whistle for the Choir by the Fratellis

-rising/asc: how would you describe your style?

Hardcore androgynous? Idk man depends on the day (Zee says, “Soft butch but you’re not a lesbian”).

-mars: are you easily angered?

More like easily annoyed because some people can be real fuckin dumb.

-venus: what's your aesthetic?

I have like a bajillion. Like fairy lights, well worn books, black skirts and knee high socks, and Polaroids. But also like abandoned buildings, horror games, the shapes in the shadows, and ghosts. So like gentle spook? Idk man.

-mercury: what color do you talk in?

Navy blue

-jupiter: what moral do you live by?

That as long as you’re honest, you aren’t being a bad person.

-saturn: what's your biggest fear?

Being alone forever because I have lost a fuck ton of people this year lmao.

-uranus: are you rebellious?

Kind of? Not because I hate my mom or anything but because I like adventure (and also girls, tattoos, and piercings but that’s just collateral).

-neptune: share one of your dreams.

Be successful and happy I guess idk I don’t really have anything super specific.

-pluto: what's the biggest thing you've learned by far in your life?

Some people only want to take from you and don’t expect to have to give anything in return.

-lilith: do you have any guilty pleasures?

I make burritos at like 1 in the morning a lot while watching Game Grumps.

-chiron: have you ever broken a bone?

Nope.

-ceres: are you a momfriend?

I’m more of the sister friend, where I’ll fuck someone’s shit up but also help you safely make bad decisions.

-pallas: do you have a good relationship with your parents?

With my mom, yes. With my dad, no.

-juno: do you believe in soul mates?

Yes but I also believe that you have more than one. Maybe you have four friend soulmates and only one significant other soulmate. Maybe you don’t have any significant other soulmates. Who knows. Not me.

-1st house: are you confident?

Yes…? Unless I’m having a really anxious day.

-2nd house: if you could only keep one of your personal items, what would you choose?

My laptop bc I just spent $600 on it lmao.

-3rd house: do you like to read?

Yeah but I don’t very often unfortunately.

-4th house: what does your bedroom look like?

A mess and kind of empty since I’m packing for college. (Three weeks till I leave)

-5th house: name your favorite movie or show.

Baby Driver was a great movie and G.L.O.W. is a fucking awesome show.

-6th house: do you participate in community service?

If acting at the local theater counts, yes. If not, lol no.

-7th house: if you could choose, what zodiac sign would you like your dream partner to be?

Idk a lot of the things say Cancer is the best match for Pisces so that I guess.

-8th house: do you believe in reincarnation?

Sure, why not.

-9th house: what's your favorite quote?

“I banged ladesh” (Like Bangladesh but a sex joke)

-10th house: are you good at public speaking?

It depends on what it’s about. If I’m really invested and well educated in the topic, I’m great but if I’m shitting out of my mouth, absolutely not.

-11th house: what sign(s) is your best friend/squad?

Zee is Gemini, Blake is Taurus, Grace is Cancer, and Dan is Virgo.

-12th house: do you like to be alone?

Sometimes but I do need to see people or else I’ll go crazy.

Sorry for the late response, I just assume no one asks me to answer these lmao

[twistednuns]

July 2017

"(Der Realschulabschluss ist) kein Gegner." (Frau Freitag) I need to refer to things as Gegner or Endboss more often.

Butter croissants. The SMELL of butter croissants. Divine.

Neon green fireflies. It's so rare to see one around here!

Discovering the many functions of my new shower head. Rain simulation! Cleaning and bug-removing tool! Pleasure!

The word hinreißend.

Moss green against dark, rich purple.

My gorgeous gay weekend (I wish): Before attending the CSD parade and meeting Becky and her children in the city on Saturday afternoon, I met up with Markus at Goetheplatz the night before to get a few beers at Flex. It turned out to be one of the more magical nights of the year. Reasons as follows: 1. I befriended the bar lady, she was awfully nice and drank free caramel vodka with us. 2. I kept seeing tiny little mice all over the city. So much better than the huge rats most other cities have... Munich is gentle. 3. We discovered a Späti on Lindwurmstraße where I got Gösser, white Gauloises with the jealous-girlfriend-picture and magic gum Knisterbrause. 4. We wanted to explore a "groovier terrain" and went off to Glockenbach. Beverly Kills was full and we still had our decently full Späti-beers so we walked on, destination Downtown Flash. Too expensive, too much hip hop, so we entered Prosecco Schlagerbar next door on a whim. I did not know it was a gay bar. Oh boy. But it was FUN. Hearts everywhere, Biene Maja, and then again some even worse music, I had to save Markus from a young Turkish gentleman who had fallen in love instantateously. Then we were both (!) approached by Richard, and oldish Arab - I managed to escape his kiss, Markus did not. And the best bit: that young Sean Connery from Berchtesgaden, so attractive and sympathetic Markus and I both agreed on taking him home with us. Well, we were too hetero for him in the end, but it was a bliss to meet such a beautiful, warm person. Who gave out little kisses all the time. The atmosphere in a gay bar is so much kinder, I wonder how they do it. I grow more and more weary of hetero men, let me tell you. (5. The last hostel party ever at Milla on Saturday. SHAKE IT OFF!!)

A big bunch of bright yellow sunflowers. A blue and white bowl filled with ripe apricots. Lush summer.

Speaking for all my lady friends, we all want some geeky, nerdy, polite and ridiculous mate who we can sit at home with, slagging off all the tossers, and waiting for our baked potatoes to be ready. Who, obviously, is additionally so hot for us he regularly crawls across the front room on his hands and knees, croaking, 'I must have sex with you now, or go literally insane.' Compared to that, Prince Charming looks like a total donk. (Caitlin Moran - 'How to Be a Woman')

The new IKEA cooperation with HAY (I want it all, I want it now)

Before the internet.

Lying in bed with a fever and severe tonsillitis. Which sucked and made me want to die on Sunday and Monday. On Tuesday, I still felt like shit but I was so grateful I could hold a book in my hands again. On Wednesday, I felt alright-ish but I was bored out of my mind. I bonded with Doris over baby squirrels and offended her with baby butch categorising. Creating a useless 11-page-instastory. Thursday however... so much energy upon waking up. That day was a gift. The whole morning to myself, cleaning up, doing the laundry, reading up on the city Izmir after finding out about its history in Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides which I read lying on the balcony in my pyjamas. Feeling the potential again. Energy, purpose and a will to live are rather nice things to have.

After reading this I realised that the next few weeks will forever be known as the summer before I turned 30. That article speaks to me on so many levels. "That summer I, too, was lingering undecided between two states. I knew—or at least I hoped—that the in-betweenness I was experiencing would most likely be short lived. For those of us whose lives are defined by the beginnings and ends of university semesters, there’s always something liminal about those empty summer months. As such, a part of me rested easy in the knowledge that whatever loneliness I was feeling would soon come to an end, and that, without the necessity of making a particular decision one way or the other, I would be thrown back into the slipstream that is life in a busy city." // "Of all the risqué behavior I indulged in during my youth, the period I spent not just single, but actively embracing my aloneness somehow feels like the most transgressive act of all." ('On the Literature of Solitude' by Lucy Scholes)

There is more: "Loneliness can be combated using this one weird trick: Hang clean laundry up. Doesn’t the air smell so good? I like to spend a long time in the laundry aisle of a supermarket, opening the bottles of fabric softener and sniffing them. I haven’t quite found the scent I am looking for: It is the particular scent of other people’s laundry. You see, other people’s laundry smells aspirational. I learned that there is nothing so healing, physically, to a lonely person, than to climb into a freshly made bed. It helps to feel swaddled, it helps not to succumb to squalor, and above all, it reminds me to take my makeup off at night." Eli Goldstone

Reading so many books. 15 at once. Trying to store everything in the far corners and niches of my twisted brain.

Sketching with a watercolor pencil, shading everything with copic markers, giving it some contours. Now I want more copic markers, of course. And gosh, I really wanna create more art. I'm dying on the inside, just a little, every time Ralf Nietmann posts a new illustration on Instagram. All that envy of the non-creator.

Dreaming of a beautiful apartment like this one.

How to raise a reader / How to better talk to children about their art.

Something I love about Alexandra: her use of gifs and emojis in messenger is always spot on / 100% relevant / hilarious.

I know I say this almost every month (with minor variations) but: Tonkotsu ramen from Yuzumuk and umeboshi onigiri. The Japanese simply know how to make delicious food.

A tiny 2:22:22 revival.

All those vivid dreams I'm having at the moment. Whole surreal narratives just before waking up.

Playing Winkekatze at a hip hop concert.

Wearing my high-femme summer dress from Other Stories. Trying out a new make-up style after years of basically doing the same all over again. Is that a goodbye to my usual dragqueen eye make-up?

Incredibly rich, salty, nutty pistachio ice-cream at Viktualienmarkt.

A dream about Landungsbrücken, everything being illuminated, a handsome apothecary who had my phone number but never called.

Elsa's wedding! She looked like and earth goddess - pregnant, empire waist dress, flower wreath in her hair. Playing Kubb with Julia, Franzi and Ralf. The MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN of the Oberpfalz (channelling Sirius Black as his style icon).

Reading Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. What a pleasure.