#nerds ruby peet

[violetfoxviolarose]

Even More N.E.R.D.S. Incorrect Quotes.

Definitely stealing some of these for my NERDS side project I'm working on (*cough* it's on ao3 *cough*) in between my main fic. Enjoy friends!

Heathcliff: I have issues.

Jackson: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept-

Heathcliff: With you.

~~~~~

Julio: When I get Doordash I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times.

Matilda: I hope you understand how food poisoning works.

Julio: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger i couldn’t eat.

~~~~~

Any of them, tbh: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

~~~~~

Heathcliff: Oh man, you have any shaving cream?

Julio: No, I don't like the way that it tastes.

Heathcliff: Wait… you eat shaving cream?

Julio: No. Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste.

~~~~~

Julio, to Jackson: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.

Jackson: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada.

Julio: You just told me you're pregnant.

Matilda: Congratulations Jackson, you're glowing!

~~~~~~~

Jackson: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!

Julio: Apparently, we're not.

~~~~~~~

Julio: What happened to your nose?

Matilda: I used it to break some guy's fist.

~~~~~

Ruby: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Jackson: Hot dog costumes!

Ruby: I’m sorry, what?

Jackson: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Julio, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Julio hates hot dogs, so he probably won’t eat us.

Ruby: Are you saying that Julio would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Julio: I do hate hot dogs.

~~~~~

Jackson: Why are your tongues purple?

Duncan: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Matilda: I had a red one.

Jackson: oh.

Jackson:

Jackson: OH.

Heathcliff:

Heathcliff: You drank each other's slushies?

~~~~~

Ruby: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.

Julio: I know what I saw.

~~~~~

Jackson: The risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.

~~~~~

Julio: So uh, for this party and everything, do you, uh…

Heathcliff, sighing: You don't know how to dress for this, do you?

Julio, panicked: WHAT IS CLOTHES???

~~~~~

Matilda: I need to dye my hair.

Ruby: …

Matilda: Or get another tattoo.

Ruby: …

Matilda: Or a new piercing.

Ruby: Why?

Matilda: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

~~~~~

Julio: Is the pink panther a lion?

Jackson: Say that again but slower.

Julio: I don’t get it.

Jackson: He’s a PANTHER.

Julio: Is that a type of lion?

Jackson: No, it’s a fucking panther.

Julio: *googles panther* They aren’t pink?

Jackson: AND LIONS ARE?!

~~~~~

Ruby: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.

Duncan, Jackson, Heathcliff, and Julio: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

~~~~~

Duncan: I told Julio to grab snacks for everyone.

Ruby, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes fruit snacks?

*Duncan, Heathcliff, and Julio raise their hands*

~~~~~

Julio: If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be?

Ruby: Bleach.

Jackson: Sewage.

Julio: …Please calm down, edgelords.

~~~~~

Jackson: Which country has the most birds?

Jackson: Portu-geese!

Ruby: That's a language.

Jackson: Portu-gull?

Ruby: Good recovery.

Matilda: I think you mean good re-dovery.

Julio: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

~~~~~

Ruby: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

Heathcliff: Ruby, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck.

Ruby: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not.

Heathcliff: Well, I mean yeah.

Ruby: So come downstairs while they’re still hot.

Heathcliff: Wait, you just made them?

Ruby: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets.

Heathcliff: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Ruby.

~~~~~

Ruby: We should normalize not loving family members.

Heathcliff: You can just say: “I hate my dumb fuck uncle” or whatever. Talk like a normal person!

~~~~~

Jackson: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Duncan: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Ruby: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Matilda: Guys.

~~~~~

Julio: I'm bored, any suggestions?

Matilda: Sleeping is nice.

Julio: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I’m deciding to ignore it.

~~~~~

Julio: Blue M&Ms are the best.

Matilda: whAT IS THIS SLANDER?

Julio: What about it? They are.

Matilda: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!

Matilda: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST!

Julio: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HO!

Heathcliff: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything.

Jackson: I like the yellow ones.

Julio and Matilda: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH!

~~~~~

Jackson: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Jackson: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Heathcliff: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Duncan: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Matilda: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Julio: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Ruby: I hate you guys so much.

~~~~~

Heathcliff: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?

Jackson: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

~~~~~

Ruby: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.

Matilda: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?

~~~~~

Matilda: I'm not that stupid!

Heathcliff: Matilda, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Matilda: JACKSON TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

~~~~~

Julio: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group.

Matilda: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?

Julio: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

~~~~~

Duncan: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Julio: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back…

Heathcliff: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Ruby: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Jackson: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Matilda: Mental stability, my old friend!

Duncan: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

[thatshxtagain]

Friends Don’t Hurt Each Other

Words: 5,208

Synopsis: When Heathcliff was still Simon, he hurt the NERDS. Badly. 

Warning for violence, slight gore, and angst.

Ruby was allergic to plenty of things. Caffeine, bad guys, tall grass, oblivious teachers, socializing, moronic bullies, spicy soup, almost everything in the world. Over the years, her allergies had turned almost physic, with the ability to predict all of her enemies movements and lies before they happen.

But these allergies also made her predict bad things. Disturbing things. Things she wished she didn't know. So when her knee began to grow hives, her eyes swelling up to the point she could barely see, Ruby wished her allergies weren't so accurate.

Three cells away from her, Ruby could hear Matilda yelling and kicking as the goons kept a firm grip on her, dragging the small girl down the hall. The others had peeked from their cells too, wondering what was going on. Hea-Simon had kept them imprisoned for weeks, why would he bother with them now?

"I assume you already know what I'm doing."

Ruby heard Simon coming a mile away, but didn't bother to acknowledge him. The undeniable dread of what was to come distracted her. Simon frowned, reaching through the bars and turning Ruby's head.

"Hey. Look at me."

Ruby withdrew from his grasp, eyes still glued on Wheezer as she continued to struggle, attempting to escape. Simon followed her eyes, smirking, until Wheezer was out of her line of sight.

The flat screen TVs hung in front of ever cell turned on, revealing Matilda being pushed into an empty, four walled room, the metal door sealing shut behind her. She scrambled to her feet, taking in her new surroundings.

Simon reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a pen. He pressed the top, and a microphone activated. "Hello Wheezer, enjoying your new cell?"

Wheezer growled at the voice. "Simon."

"That's my name! Don't wear it out yet, I'm still planning on revising it, after someone destroyed the very reason I called myself Simon," Simon glares at Duncan. "Now, I'm sure you're wondering why you've been moved."

"Are you planning on making me fight your new bots?" Wheezer asks, going into a fighting stance. "Because I can take those down no problem."

Simon laughed, his forced maniacal laugh that he'd been practicing since he got into the villain business. "Oh Wheezer, do you think I share brains with Jones? Fighting would only give you joy and misplaced determination. No. Absolutely not."

"You see, coming up with something that could break all of you has been proven difficult," Simon continued, and this point Braceface, Gluestick, and Flinch had all turned their attention to the redheaded boy. "I already disabled your upgrades, but you continue to encourage each other, plotting escape plans behind my back. With things like Julio's candy addiction and Duncan's paste eating, there isn't much to use."

"But-" Simon's tone was worrysome, and the expression on Ruby's face didn't reassure any of the boys. "The disadvantage of an asthmatic health condition is the perfect start."

"What is he talking about?" Jackson whispered urgently. "What is he talking about?!"

Matilda seemed confused, having not yet understood what Simon meant. But maybe that had something to do with the fact her head was starting to feel funny. Her brows furrowed, one hand moving to the wall for support.

"How are you feeling Wheezer?" Simon winked knowingly at Ruby, and she recoils, disgusted. "Any dizziness? Spots appearing in your eyesight? Shaky knees?"

Matilda would not give Simon the pleasure of saying 'yes.' Instead, she tries to move to the other side of the room, wobbling on her feet, her head growing heavy. She reaches for her inhaler - only to realize she didn't have it. The goons must've taken it during her struggle. "What are you yapping on about Simon," Matilda mumbles through grit teeth.

"Nothing much really, the room's just limited of oxygen," Simon responds dismissively. "It shouldn't be too much of a problem for normal people, y'know, with normal breathing, and no health problems whatsoever."

Simon grins maniacally. "Unfortunately, you're not one of them."

The remaining NERDS could only watch in horror as Matilda started panting, which turned into wheezing, causing her to place both her hands on her throat, her eyes wide with panic.

"Oh no, she's hyperventilating," Simon mockingly says in concern. "Puffer-fish! Why don't you calm her down with some comforting words? I'm sure some reassurance from her 'wise' leader will certainly help!"

"You wouldn't," For the first time since he arrived, Ruby spoke. "You wouldn't go this far."

Simon whirls around, still grinning. "If I were bluffing, your allergies would've told you! No itchy arms or swollen blemishes?"

Ruby had none of those. That didn't stop her from continuing. "I don't need my allergies to know that this is beyond anything you would ever do. You would never go this far because you spent too much time with us, fighting on our side, laughing and talking as friends. I know you wouldn't do this because deep down you're still Heathcliff, and that this goes against everything you believed in, and that you would never kill off a friend."

For a moment, the two locked eyes, staring down at each other, waiting for one of them to back down. Without looking away, Heathcliff pressed another button on his pen, leaning forward as Matilda's labored breathing grew louder, more desperate. The Korean fell to her knees, gasping for nonexistent air.

"Allergies.." Simon started, his thumb still on the button, Matilda crying out in the background, shrieking at Simon despite him not being in the room.

"Don't..." Duncan ripped his eyes away from the screen, and one of the NERDS' calmest agents began slamming angrily against his bars, demanding Simon stop whatever he was doing. The only thing that stopped Simon from getting any closer to Ruby's face were the cell bars.

"Lie."

Wheezer doubled over to her side, curling up with her eyes squeezed shut, still attempting to take in any air in the room, but Ruby knew there wasn't any left. Not with Simon's hand on that button.  At this point, the frizzy haired girl could already see tears forming in the corner of her eyes, her hands now pulling at her scalp in misery. Through the years she's known her, Wheezer has never once cried on a mission.

Then she stopped. Stopped moving, stopped screaming, stopped breathing.

Ruby tore her gaze from Simon when her foot turned red.

She was allergic to teammates being tortured.

She was allergic to teammates hurting teammates.

She was allergic to teammates dying.

A wave of silence overcame the cellar, the NERDS' expressions a mix of shock, fear, and concern, still processing in their head what they just witnessed. Then, as if only realizing now, they roared, their attention now back on Simon, letting out their anger on the red headed villain.

"What did you do?" Duncan barks, looking as if he were ready to break the bars off with his bare hands. "What did you do?!"

Flinch covered his ears, eyes forced shut as he slid to the floor, breathing heavily, shaking. "Oh my god, oh my god, Wheezer's dead...WHEEZER'S DEAD!!"

"Calm down buffoons, she's only unconscious," Simon mumbles, removing his thumb from the button. "Killing her now would only relieve her from her suffering." The mastermind leaned into his microphone-pen. "Goons, take Wheezer back to her cell. Leave one of the disabled inhalers inside."

Ruby let out a breath of relief. Despite his new villain stature, Simon still had humane morals. He wouldn't kill one of them, not yet at least.

That marked the start of Simon's new torturous methods. From tricking Flinch into eating poisoned Hershey's, to hijacking Jackson's braces into nearly pulling themselves apart, Simon grew more and more creative for the NERDS' suffering.

Ruby's was just to simply watch. To have to listen to each of their screams being broadcast to her from surveillance cameras, unable to help them, unable to remove them from the pain.

Wheezer was always the one who got the worst of it. Whether it was because she was Simon's first victim or her asthma, Ruby didn't know. That was one thing Ruby's allergies couldn't predict. Ruby could remember days where Matilda wouldn't even fight back, letting the goons take her to her panic room without a struggle, handing them her inhaler. When inside, she sits in the middle of the room, eyes glued to the floor, hugging her legs to her chest, simply waiting for her fate. Ruby hated it. Wheezer had always been the fiercest of the spies, never backing down from a single fight. To see her in such a reduced state where she actually considered giving up...that was something she couldn't stand.

Ruby never remembered how they even escaped the wretched place. Maybe a backup team had been sent to rescue them or Brand and Ms. Holiday had personally stormed the place, the blonde wasn't sure. All she and the rest of the NERDS wanted to do was put that chapter of their lives far, far away.

Until Heathcliff came back.

"What did I do?"

Heathcliff didn't miss how each of the NERDS tensed up at his statement. When nobody said anything, he continued. "I've listened to what you've said about me during mission debriefings. 'Bad-guy Heathcliff,' 'unstable,' 'end of the world schemes,' Benjamin already showed me what happened through the past year, I know what happened, but I can tell he was holding back if the rest of you are still keeping your distance from me. So please, just be straight with me - what did I do?"

Heathcliff studied all their faces. Flinch seemed to cower into himself, gripping the seat of his chair. With a free hand, he turned the knob of his harness, slowly calming himself down. Duncan and Jackson both shared a look of discomfort, busying themselves with fiddling with gadgets and turning over a football respectively. Heathcliff worriedly notes that Matilda had tentatively placed a hand on her throat, her eyes flashing with recognition and a hint of fear that he never remembered her ever carrying. Ruby's expression was unreadable, something Heathcliff learned was never a good sign. None of the NERDS met his eyes, all consumed in their own world.

Finally Ruby got up, the others watching as their leader walked over to the other end of the Playground, where Benjamin was hovering nearby.

"Benjamin," Ruby said quietly. "Show the footage of Day 24 of our capture."

Both Benjamin and the rest of the NERDS were taken aback. "Are you sure this is what you wish?" the orb asked.

Ruby nodded, and a light shot out around the NERDS and Heathcliff, showing a three - dimensional projection.

The projection displayed the NERDS lined up in front of a boy with a skull mask, each battered with what Heathcliff assumes are their own assortment of scars and fading bruises from an unknown source. Duncan had several cuts and arms anywhere that showed skin, Jackson's mouth has pieces of his braces sticking out, and both Flinch and Matilda were deathly pale, although Flinch carried more of a sickly expression while Matilda looked as if she hadn't been breathing for a long time. Heathcliff guessed it had something to do with the masked boy. For some strange reason, Ruby was the only one unharmed. She wasn't even lined up with the rest of the NERDS, instead held back by goons beside the boy.

"Now you're probably wondering why I brought all of you out here today," Heathcliff nearly had a heart attack when he heard his own voice coming from the masked boy. "Usually I'd take you separately in pairs per day, and I never put you all in the same room together. Think of this as experimenting, then we'll go back to the usual schedule, capishe?"

Heathcliff was shocked when all they did was give an assertive nod, letting the goons strap them down to the chairs willingly. Why weren't they fighting back? Why wasn't Ruby helping them?

"Electric chairs? Run out of ideas or something?" Jackson grunted, leaning forward to spit blood out to the side. Heathcliff was horrified to see metallic pieces sparking where he had spat.

The masked boy chuckles darkly, walking in front of Braceface. "these aren't electric chairs Jones. You see, even though you're unable to use your upgrades, you've still got millions of nanobytes swirling through your bloodstream. This-" he pats the back of the chair. "-is designed to hack into those nanobytes. And since you're the first person to question my tactics today, I'll give you a free demonstration."

The boy pressed a button on the side of the chair, and the machinery whirled to life. Or at least the orb hovering over it did. From a distance, the machine simply looked like a massage chair, vibrating and operating like one. But with a closer look at Jackson's composure, it was definitely not a massage chair. The blonde was convulsing in his seat, sucking in air through grit teeth. The orb above him blinked red, and suddenly white bolts of what appeared to be electricity - Heathcliff knew they weren't - struck down on the chair.

That's when Jackson screamed. A deafening, pained noise that snapped the other NERDS' heads up in alarm, their full attention now on their screaming companion. The masked boy immediately noticed. "Ah, interested in the machinery now?" If he wasn't wearing a mask, Heathcliff could've sworn he was raising an eyebrow. "Don't worry, you're all getting a fair turn!"

The orb above Jackson clicked, and the other orbs spun as well, glowing red as white bolts struck down on their own chairs. Heathcliff almost toppled over when they screamed in unison as loud as Jackson, stepping back from where he stood before.

The boy smiled cruelly behind his mask, turning around to face Ruby who, Heathcliff honestly can't figure out how, had kept a neutral expression for this long. Her left eye twitched, hives appearing on her knees as her ears swelled up. The boy frowned when Ruby barely gave a reaction, pressing another button on Jackson's chair. More bolts struck down from the orbs, and Ruby held back a flinch when her teammates screamed louder, jolting in their seats, their hands gripping the arms of the chair tightly as a way to stay conscious.

The real Ruby painfully closed her eyes, arms crossed over her chest as she forced herself to turn away. Hearing her friends screaming in agony, practically begging to be dead but had the dignity to never say it aloud. The sight still flashed in her head, each of the NERDS stuck in their own torment, wailing, crying, every time closer to death. She despised them all.

The masked boy growled, walking over to Ruby, ripping his mask off.  Even though Heathcliff had already guessed it, seeing it personally still jarred him. Heathcliff himself glared down at Ruby, who didn't so much batter an eye at him. "Y'know, I can make this a lot worse Pufferfish," Simon seethed, tilting his head at the leader of the NERDS. "This is only the second setting. There are eight settings in all. All I have to do is press a button-" without looking back, Simon reached behind him, pressing another button, this time on the right arm of Flinch's chair. The orb above him turned yellow, and suddenly the bolts increased, and a sound that could only be described as a mix of a bat and a banshee erupted from the Latino boy. "-and I can force them to simply take it all in."

The two were locked in another staredown, just like the one during the first day, daring the other to look away first. Simon's hand drifted to another button, ignoring the shrieking boy and the bright white flashes behind him.

"Stop it," Heathcliff whispered, his eyes wide with fright.

His brows furrowed, waiting for Ruby to look away, his hand staying on the current button. Pufferfish sniffled, signifying a runny nose, but otherwise she didn't back down. Flinch's screams only increased, the loudest among the rest of the NERDS. Even without his superstrength, Flinch was on the brink of crushing the chair arms then and there.

"Stop it!" Heathcliff exclaimed, whirling to Ruby and NERDS. "Turn it off!"

The NERDS looked over at their leader, their eyes pleading for her to turn off the projection as well. But both the current Ruby and Simon didn't stop.

Simon only lifted his hand when Flinch turned silent. The orb above him clicked, shutting off, its job done.

Like a domino effect, the other orbs clicked off as well. The NERDS panted heavily, each exhaling in relief that it was over.

Until Duncan looked over at Flinch.

Flinch had gone limp in his chair, his head hung heavily. Duncan could still see his back moving up and down, a sign he was still breathing, but barely.

Jackson and Matilda only noticed when they heard choking noises. They turned over to the once hyperactive boy, who was making weird sounds from his throat. Suddenly his shot forward, and the NERDS watched in alarm as he began vomiting on the floor, a foul smell of mashed potatoes, spoiled meat, and blood filling the air.

What terrified them the most were the nanobytes floating around in the remains, each popping and fizzing like the pieces of Jackson's braces.

"That was the fifth setting," Simon informed coldly as the goons unstrapped the NERDS from their chairs. One goon took one NERD each, throwing them over their shoulder as if they weighed nothing. Which, they technically didn't, Simon only ever fed them once in a while. "You're lucky it wasn't the eighth."

The projection ended, and each memory came rushing back to him. The day he proposed the abuse, the weeks the NERDS were separated for torturing, the looks on all their faces when each came just inches away from dying. The redhead placed a hand on his head, an incredulous look on his face. Heathcliff stumbled back, sitting himself into a chair.

Ruby stepped forward without acknowledgement. "During your days as Simon, you succeeded in capturing and imprisoning all of us in your lair. You did nothing to me. But them-" Ruby pointed to the other NERDS, who each carried a self - conscious look, attempting to be apart of the conversation. "You beat them mercilessly in several different days, breaking them, tearing their self confidence to pieces day after day, waiting for them to snap. You hurt them, terribly. It's a miracle they even recovered from what you did to them. God, they almost died several times to the point they were waiting for the day they would. Did you see the blood on Flinch and Jackson? Do you remember how you scraped Duncan's skin just to remove every sign of paste on him? Do you remember how you suffocated Matilda because you knew her asthma would make her vulnerable to minimal oxygen? Do you? Do you Heathcliff?!"

The leader of the NERDS took a deep breath, regaining composure, then continued. "Everything that happened to them, every time you'd punish them for something they didn't do, watching them suffer with a smile, that is what you did. What you did to them is the exact reason I specifically gave an order for them to keep their distance from you. I may not show it often, but I care deeply for each and every one of them. What they had to go through is unforgivable, and I don't want anything like that happening ever again."

The NERDS watched as Ruby began walking to the exit of the briefing room, one by one following her lead. "I hope you got your answer," she called before the door closed shut behind them.

Heathcliff looked up only when he only heard four pairs of footsteps leave. Jackson hesitantly approached the redhead, who sat up at the sight of him. "Jackson...I-I don't know what to say..I...I-"

"Hey, it's alright," Jackson said reassuringly, pulling a chair to sit in front of Heathcliff. "I'm not here to do...whatever it was that Ruby did just now."

"Insult and expose me for the monster I am?"

"You're not a monster."

"That footage sure as heck made it look like I was."

"Listen," The former football player placed a hand on Heathcliff's shoulder. "You shouldn't get caught up in what she showed you. Yes, Ruby's furious and we all got effected by it, but that was all in the past. We're still here, being spies, fighting bad guys, saving the world. You should never let yourself be held back by things that happened back then."

Jackson turned to the orb. "Benjamin?"

Heathcliff didn't remember when Jackson had gotten accumulated to the robotic ball's commands, but the orb spun, showing another projection.

This time, the boys found themselves inside the School Bus, the dark skies through the windows suggesting it was midnight. This took place after the NERDS had been rescued, on their way back to the Playground.

"When all of you disappeared suddenly, we struggled on what to tell your families," Brand said standing up, cane in hand. "Duncan and Jackson's families knew about their spy lives, so that was easily taken care of, but as for the rest of you, we had to simply tell them you were kidnapped and we working on finding you. We can drop you home now, maybe talk a little with your parents-"

"Brand?" The director stopped when one of the agents spoke, raising their hand slightly. Flinch bit his lip in hesitation, then asked, "can we...stay over for the night at the Playground? We'd like... some time with ourselves before returning home."

Brand took a long, hard look at the agents assembled in the cockpit, a flash of sympathy and guilt in his eyes. Heathcliff understood why they wanted to sleep over - with weeks with only their own thoughts, they must've wanted to be closer than ever. "Of course you can children," Ms. Holiday fussed in the motherly tone she used whenever she had to calm them in an argument. "We have a few pillows and blankets in the storage room, but you'll have to sleep on the floor, okay?"

"And take a shower," the lunch lady added. "You all reek."

"Then it's settled," Brand nodded. "There should be some old gym clothes you can wear in the storage room as well, and Ms. Holiday and I can provide you all with bathroom supplies."

The NERDS nodded, some mumbling 'okay.' Brand and Holiday exchanged looks of concern when that was the only response they got, the agents falling silent once more. Usually one of them would spite out a joke to lighten the mood, then none of them seemed interested in conversing.

It wasn't long until they had arrived to the Playground, the NERDS filing out without a word. Ms. Holiday gathered the bathroom supplies and gym clothes at lightning speed, ushering them to the showers. Unlike the showers in the middle school, each had a separate stall, which gave them as much privacy as they needed.

After a while, each of them stepped out of the showers, some later then others, piling up in the room Ms. Holiday had pointed out before they entered the showers. The lunch lady was waiting inside, a weight scale in the corner and an assortment of doctor's tools on a table. "Hop onto the scale," he said to each of them when they came in, taking notes of of their weight. The lunch lady performed a few other tests, pointing a flashlight in Jackson's mouth to check his braces, doing a scan of Flinch's stomach, having Matilda practice breathing for a stethoscope, and so on.

"So from the results of the tests, Jackson's braces are...a hot mess, Flinch has literal nothing in his stomach, which hints either vomiting or starvation, maybe both, Duncan your skin is practically peeling off, so you'll need treatment for that, Matilda, speak for me?"

"Hi," the littlest of the spies croaked, and the lunch lady grimaces. "That basically speaks for itself, I'll probably get you a breathing mask for that, and Ruby-...." the lunch lady falters, squinting at his clipboard. "Ruby, you're completely fine. Besides a few scars and the weight loss shared between the rest of you, you're unharmed. There's not a single hair on your head missing."

The NERDS stayed quiet. They never really questioned why Ruby was the only one who never got hurt, but they assumed it was because Ruby and Heathcliff were close before. Every session Simon would go in front of Ruby's stall, gloating about his latest ideas and plans. If they didn't have cell doors or goons in between them, the other NERDS would've assumed they were working together.

"With this info, would it be appropriate to ask what exactly happened in there?" The lunch lady scratches the back of his head. "I mean, I get that it's a difficult topic to talk about, and I don't expect you to answer right away, but in order to help you, we have to know what was going on."

Again, not a word from the NERDS. The lunch lady sighs, sliding his clipboard on the table. "Alright, I'll be calling you one at a time for treatments and prescriptions. Jackson, you first."

With that, the other NERDS headed to the room on the left, finding the pillows and blankets Ms. Holiday mentioned in a pile. The spies got to work with arranging them into somewhat of a pillow fort, only realizing halfway that they didn't have enough to make it big enough for all of them, so instead left a large gap on the side for them to lay down in. They probably made it too narrow that they'd have to squeeze together to fit, but they couldn't care less. The lunch lady would occasionally pop in to call one of them for treatment, the other returning from it at the same the time.

They finished the fort when Matilda came back carrying a bottle bigger than her head and her replacement inhalers.

"What's with the bottle?" Flinch asked, munching on a granola bar. All the lunch lady said to him was to fill his stomach with the nearby vending machine snacks, but not to take anything sweet just yet.

"The lunch lady said to drink 'plenty' of water, saying it'll help bring my voice back," Matilda wheezed, half her words sounding as if she had inhaled helium. "Since I'm supposed to drink ten eight - ounce glasses of water everyday, he gave me half a pitcher to cover the days I didn't."

"Maybe you should rest your voice for now," Duncan suggested. "You're already having a harder time talking then usual."

Matilda nodded as Ruby adjusted the last pillow for the row of pillows they'd be sleeping on. Five pillows, five of them. "Flinch, finish that granola bar and go brush your teeth. Duncan, go follow him to steer him away from anything with sugar." Both boys nodded, the Latino shoving the rest of the granola bar into his mouth before following Duncan out the door.

Matilda took a sip from her water bottle, glancing up before pointing at the small glowing orbs floating around the room in confusion. Jackson followed her line of sight. "Oh those?" He asked. "Duncan activated them. Said it would give enough light in case one of us needed to go to the bathroom or something."

"We just got back and Duncan's already playing around with the gadgets?" Ruby joked. "That guy really can't separate himself from technology." This earned a chuckle from the other two, the female recapping her bottle before setting it aside. Heathcliff couldn't help but smile a little at the sight. They had just returned from being beaten to the core, and they already seemed to be slowly turning back to their normal selves. Or at least, as normal as a NERD could be.

It wasn't long until Flinch and Duncan returned, and the NERDS shut off the lights, getting ready to turn in for the night. Flinch and Matilda lay on the left, Duncan beside Matilda, making him in the middle of the five, with Jackson and Ruby on his right.

The NERDS stayed put for a while, simply laying there but not exactly sleeping just yet. Not even a few minutes had passed when Jackson blurted, "as tired as I was on the School Bus, I can't fall asleep."

"Me neither."

"Not a wink."

"Surprisingly, no."

"Matilda?"

There was the sound of shuffling beside Duncan, so he assumed she shook her head. "Well that's just great,"  Ruby grumbled. "How are we gonna fall asleep?"

"Hey Duncan, why don't you tell us about those floaty thingies you got set up around the room?" Jackson asked. The chubby boy perked up. "Well for starters, these 'floaty thingies' are called the strontium aluminate-" a loud exaggerated snore cut Duncan off, causing a few laughs from the others. Duncan scowled at Jackson, who in return gave a shrug, smiling.

And just like that, the NERDS stayed up for the rest of the night, finding a deck of cards on one of the shelves and going through multiple rounds of card games to pass the time. Normal games turned into bets, which escalated to screaming matches when they lost. By the time it was morning and Brand, Holiday, and the lunch lady had come in to check on them, they were all sprawled out on in different positions, asleep. The cards were scattered across the room, their pillow fort disassembled, and Jackson's face covered with several sharpie drawings.

"Should we wake them?" The lunch lady asked, walking over to move Flinch to the side. In his original position, one of his legs kept kicking Wheezer, who in return elbowed him in her sleep.

Brand shook his head, a small smile coming to his face. "Let them rest. They're recovering already."

The projection ended, and Jackson turned back to Heathcliff. "See? Even after just coming back, we were okay. Sure, we decided to miss out a few days of school to take a short break, but afterwards were raring to go on another mission."

"Heathcliff I'm going to be completely honest - we all hated you during those weeks were captured. But we don't hate the you right now. You can start over, just like I did. And yes, gaining their trust will be hard - heck Ruby will be dead set on making your life a living hell - but they'll come around when they're ready. They'll see that you're not the Heathcliff you were before, and sooner or later, you'll be back on the team."

"Hey, Jackson," Heathcliff spoke after a moment. The blonde quirked a brow. "Why are you helping me? After what I did, after that order Ruby gave you and the others, why do you still help me?"

The blonde chuckles, getting up from his chair. "Do I really need to answer that? It's simple." He extended a hand to the boy with glasses. "You're my friend, Heathcliff." The boy gradually took his hand, and Jackson pulls him up.

"And friends don't hurt each other."

[thesquishyrogue]

I've never drawn N.E.R.D.S. fanart before, but Goth Ruby came to me in a dream so I figured I may as well.

[bluemandycat]

Ruby: Jackson, don’t you ever want to talk about your sexuality?

Jackson: No.

Matilda: I do!

Ruby: I know, Matilda.

Matilda: I’m bi!

Ruby: I know, Matilda.

[crazybooklady]

Title: N.E.R.D.S.: National Espionage, Rescue, and Defense Society

Author: Michael Buckley

Publisher: Amulet Books

Published: 2009

ISBN: 978-0-8109-4324-7

Pages: 306 - Paperback

Blurb

You are holding a top secret NERDS case file. It contains highly classified information. So don't lose it, 'kay?

Meet the NERDS, a team of fifth-grade super spies:

Duncan "Gluestick" Dewey.

He's a paste-eater who can stick to walls.

Ruby "Pufferfish" Peet.

Her allergies help her detect danger and dishonesty.

Heathcliff "Choppers" Hodges.

He controls minds with his buckteeth.

Julio "Flinch" Escala.

His hyperactivity gives him super speed and strength.

Matilda"Wheezer" Choy.

Her inhalers enable her to fly and blast enemies.

Jackson "Braceface" Jones,

the new recruit. This metal mouth is the teams go-to gadget guy . . . if only he can get over becoming a NERD.

Can this team of misfits save the world from their secret headquarters in the basement of their elementary school? Can you read NERDS without laughing? Go ahead and try!

About the Author

Michael Buckley,, a former member of NERDS, now spends his time writing. His Sisters Grimm series is a New York Times bestseller. He lives with his wife and their son, but if he told you where, he'd have to kill you.

Review

This is one of the funniest kids book I've read. Michael Buckley did an incredible job writing a book from the perspective of a 5th grader who is a part in the "in" crowd and gets turned into one of the nerds. Jackson Jones goes from the kid bullying the nerds to a nerd bullied by by his "friends" when he gets braces. Not only is he considered a nerd, he accidentally stumbles into a "secret base" where the biggest nerds in school train as spies. Buckley is most definitely one of my favorite authors, and creates many of my favorite characters.

5 out of 5 stars.

[violetfoxviolarose]

N.E.R.D.S. Incorrect Quotes pt. 4

Back on my shit once again lmao. I really need to write some prompts for these guys.

Anyway, whatever. Enjoy my friends!

Ruby: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch. Jackson: What changed your mind? Ruby: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you. ~~~~~ Heathcliff, to the Squad: I’d die for you. Matilda: Then perish. Julio: You will. Ruby: Please don’t. Duncan: Cool. Jackson: I’d die for you first. ~~~~~ Julio: We need to distract these guys. Jackson: Leave it to me. Jackson: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Duncan & Heathcliff: *immediately begin arguing* ~~~~~ Julio: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie. ~~~~~ Jackson: We’re having a moment, aren’t we? Heathcliff: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are. ~~~~~ Heathcliff: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Julio: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Matilda: Ya know… it might be. ~~~~~ Ruby: So I was just having a conversation with Julio about Star Wars; particularly, about the choice of architecture. The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TOO DAMN HIGH! Like, who designs architecture like this? Catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids. Giant holes to nowhere! Julio: It's by design. It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time. Ruby: Like… who the fuck put this hole here???? And why???? Julio: Exhaust? Ruby: Darth Maul falls down a hole, Palpatine falls down a hole, Solo falls down a hole, everyone falls down a hole! Star Wars universe needs OSHA. Julio: Luke falls down a hole, Boba Fett falls down a hole… Ruby: Yes, yes, I forgot about those! R2-D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive. Julio: We're onto something here! Ruby: Obi-Wan almost falls down a hole. Julio: C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole. Ruby: His lightsaber does though. *Julio thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes* Julio: What if the hole is symbolic? The hole represents the dark side. Ruby: Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side. Julio: Fair point. ~~~~~ Duncan: HEY HEY HEY! DON’T TOUCH THOSE! Matilda, touching a figurine: Why? What’s wrong with touching a doll? Duncan: THAT IS NOT A DOLL! This is a figurine, thank you very much. Julio, from afar: IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL! Matilda: FIGURINE MY ASS! IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL— as Julio said! Duncan: I hate all of you. That is a limited edition figurine I got from a conventio— Matilda: *Drops figurine on the ground* Duncan: —n. It was $100; all my money just went down the fucking drain. ~~~~~ Heathcliff: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are. ~~~~~ Jackson: Go big or go home! Duncan: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home. Jackson: I'm going big! ~~~~~ Ruby: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds. Jackson: Forty five seconds?!? Ruby: No! I said four TO five seconds. Jackson, hugging Ruby: Too late ~~~~~ Ruby: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Jackson's birthday invitations. Duncan: Well, what are they supposed to say? Ruby: "Jackson's birthday" Duncan: So what do they say instead? Ruby: "Jackson's bi" Duncan: Duncan: Works either way. ~~~~~

Ruby: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader. ~~~~~ Duncan: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under. ~~~~~ Heathcliff: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there? Matilda: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before. Heathcliff: Heathcliff: *sob* Jackson: You fucking scared him, you idiot ~~~~~ Julio: You know the sound a fork makes in a garbage disposal? That's the sound my brain makes all the time. ~~~~~ Jackson: If you want my advice- Duncan: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your girlfriend. Multiple times. Jackson: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, she’s also tried to kill me. Heathcliff: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder. ~~~~~ Jackson, Heathcliff & Ruby: *screaming* Duncan: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Ruby?! Jackson: Wait, why are you asking Ruby that when Heathcliff and I are also here? Duncan: Because Ruby wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance. ~~~~~ *Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* Jackson: Thanks fam! Matilda: Oh no. Duncan: *cries* I love you too. Heathcliff: Sounds fake, but okay. Ruby: *A flustered mess* Julio: Can I get a refund? ~~~~~ Julio: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throw empty box out* Hi! Ruby: Hey- what are you doing? Julio, shoving an oreo into his mouth: I am saving space! :D ~~~~~

Jackson: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? Ruby: Schrödinger's boys. Julio: FUCK! Heathcliff: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? Duncan: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. Duncan: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. Jackson: … Ruby: … Julio: … Heathcliff: … Duncan: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town. ~~~~~ Ruby: Stressed. Matilda: Depressed. Julio: Possessed. Jackson: Obsessed. Duncan: Impressed. Heathcliff: Chicken breast. Everyone: ... What? Heathcliff: I just wanted to join in.

[violetfoxviolarose]

matilda vs. absinthe

for the unaware, absinthe is an overproof liquor, meaning it has a proof higher than 100 (ABV greater than 50%; as a reference, vodka has a proof of 80, or ABV of 40%). It's served diluted and with a small amount of sugar because it's so strong; it can cause chemical burns on the mouth if taken straight. Of course, if you're Matilda, if you see someone diluting liquor, you see it as an affront, and as a challenge. Calamity ensues.

Matilda, two shots in already: You're . . . You're DILUTING IT?! Heathcliff: . . . Yes? Matilda: You're dil-AND YOU'RE PUTTING FUCKING SUGAR IN IT?! Heathcliff, rolling his eyes: Yes, that's how you serve absinthe. Matilda, sneering: That's stupid. You're stupid. Why would you dilute it? What, can you not handle it, or some shit? You need a Julio drink or something? Can't handle your liquor? Heathcliff: I don't know what to tell you, that's literally how it's served. It's not a personal choice. Matilda: That's bitch shit. You would do that. You. Would. Heathcliff: Wha - It's French, I didn't invent it! It's as old as the drink itself! Jackson, elbowing Heath: snickers French people, am I right Matilda? Heathcliff: Quiet, you are not helping. Matilda, still pissed at the diluted absinthe: You're such a fucking wimp. Diluted . . . fuckin' . . . signals bartender Hey, can I get some absinthe here? Heathcliff, sighing loudly: Matilda . . . Julio: Ohhhhhh boy. Ruby, trying to enjoy her damn wine: Guys . . . Matilda, accepting absinthe glass and shoving aside the sugar spoon: Thank you. turns to Heathcliff Heathcliff Hodges . . . I'm gonna show you how to fuckin' drink! Heathcliff: Mat, seriously, don't. It needs to be diluted. It's not fireball. It will literally burn your mouth, and not in a good way. Matilda: flips the bird at him Heathcliff, rolling his eyes exasperated: Fine. Whatever. I warned her. Matilda: Matilda: dying sounds Duncan: Ohhh my god, Matilda! Jackson: hysterically laughing Heathcliff: Goddammit Mat, I fucking told you! Matilda: 𝓌ₕₐₜ ₜₕₑ ₐ𝒸ₜᵤₐₗ 𝒻ᵤ𝒸ₖ? Julio, amused but also worried: Bro . . . Why didn't you stop her?! Heathcliff: I tried! She didn't listen to me! Jackson, still giggling: Wait, wait, so . . . it actually needs the water?! Heathcliff: Wh-YES! Did you think I was making it up?! Jackson: . . . Mmmmmmmmaybe. Heathcliff: Matilda: more dying sounds Ruby, sighing: . . . Heathcliff, what's the proof on that absinthe? Heathcliff: Um . . . 120. Ruby: Ruby, exasperated: She's done. Duncan, quietly to Matilda, rubbing her back: You okay? Matilda: . . . Duncan: No more for tonight, okay? Do you want water? Matilda, hoarse: Yes. No. Whatever. That shit sucks. It hurt. Heathcliff: Heathcliff: Yeah. It's almost like I know what I'm talking about. Matilda: Fuck you, you knew that was gonna happen. Julio: He did tell you, you know. Ya didn't listen. Matilda: angry grumbling sounds

[violetfoxviolarose]

Chapters: 1/5 Fandom: N.E.R.D.S. - Michael Buckley Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply  with 5 people Summary:

This is the freshman NERDS' collective response to the Troublemakers when they're talked into going to a party Jessie is throwing Friday night; for some of them, this is their first party in years. And it's also their first high school party. And their first high school event ever.

"Okay, it's *just* the Troublemakers, and it's *just* a party. What could happen?"

Well, a lot it seems. Perhaps too much. After all, the Troublemakers throw a mean party, the gang just don't realize it yet. <><><><><><><><> Lighthearted high-school era fic with headcanons galore and fun high school party tropes. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~

I cooked this up while feeling unwell, wanting to work on something stress-free before my main fic. If this spit in the void reaches anyone, enjoy!

[violetfoxviolarose]

N.E.R.D.S Headcanons - High School Years

I thought I'd have some fun brainstorming ideas for what the NERDS are like during high school. They're pretty much all headcanons so don't take any of it too seriously (not that anyone will).

I think it's fun to picture what the group will look like once they enter high school, and to see how they've grown mentally, physically, and emotionally. I don't see enough content of them past middle school, which is a shame cause there's some really cool ideas to explore and dynamics that exist.

Well, here they are, in no particular order:

Jackson got his braces off in 9th grade, having mostly finished his orthodontic treatment. He now wears wire retainers 24/7 except when eating. His upgrades still work with his retainers. Heathcliff also got minor work done, and now has two (regular-sized) false front teeth.

Duncan got a lot taller (but he's still the shortest of the group, about 5'6"). Ruby and Flinch tie for the tallest, both standing at 6'1"

Flinch ended up getting diagnosed with ADHD. Whatever energy was left in him after the Adderall he started channeling into weight lifting, and he now has muscle mass to rival Matilda.

Matilda chopped off her bob and now rocks a short, faded boy cut. Ruby learned how to tame her 3b curly hair (after shaving most of it off in the 8th grade) and now wears it down in a chin-length bob except while doing tactical or field work.

Jackson accidentally came out as bi during a mission assignment. He's named a few guys he'd "totally date" if he weren't in a committed relationship with Mindy.

Heathcliff joined an esports league at their high school, and plays Dota, Smash Bros, Team Fortress 2, and StarCraft on said team. He brags about being the best Smash Bros. player on the team to the other members of NERDS (Duncan can totally wipe the floor with him, but won't tell Heathcliff that).

Ruby and Matilda both underwent clinical trials for their allergies and asthma, respectfully. Ruby underwent 3 years of prophylaxis and immunotherapy and is no longer significantly allergic to pollen, dust, mold, pet dander, dairy, eggs, shellfish, insect stings, and latex, and is still receiving immunotherapy. Her superallergies are less severe but still present, and they will be until her upgrades are removed. Matilda wasn't as lucky, but did get herself a fancy new set of inhalers that deliver long-term medication that lessens the time between asthma attacks with more consistency.

Upon being able to consume dairy for the first time, Ruby found out she was also lactose intolerant. She's still annoyed about it to this day.

Flinch ran track for one year, during freshman year. Brand and Deprankova made him stop after one year to avoid giving away his upgrades.

Duncan joined the robotics team and has led their high school's team to State Finals every year he's been on the team.

Matilda never fully got back into cheerleading, but she did end up in a long-term relationship with a girl on the varsity squad.

Heathcliff and Ruby ended up taking a bunch of AP courses together (because of course both of them are overachievers). Ruby can handle it better than Heathcliff can, so they often end up studying together.

Heathcliff had a brief stint as a saxophonist in the marching band (the time demand between it and NERDS work was too much), and Ruby joined the string orchestra. She started out as a violinist but was convinced by the director to be one of two harp players in the ensemble.

Jackson is thinking about majoring in psychology in college.

Heathcliff never did get any nanotech upgrades again. He remained on the team as reconnaissance, and can still hold his own in combat. His current code name is Eight-Eyes.

Ruby and Matilda dated for a month in middle school. They both agreed they should just stay friends.

Flinch suddenly became a "ladies man" upon entering high school. He's gotten in trouble for bringing girlfriends down to the Playground (luckily the mind-wiping tech has improved since the elementary school days).

Because of Mindy's intensive work, she does online schooling mostly. She wants to work for the FBI or the CIA, but barring that, she'd be okay with being a pilot.

Oh yeah, she's okay with being called Mindy again, but only by Jackson. She mostly goes by her middle name (Elle) or her code name (still the Hyena) elsewhere.

Heathcliff has a huge crush on Ruby. Like, huge huge.

Ruby likes him back but is uncertain about romance in general, just due to her being an emotionally closed person.

Both can tell the other likes them back, but neither of them say anything about it.

They're huge dorks that are totally in love.

Matilda and Duncan started dating but quickly realized they were gay and asexual, respectfully.

Mindy and Jackson are planning their wedding. They insist it's a joke but no one believes them.

Ruby got into skirts, and wears them pretty often, except on missions.

Jackson never ended up going back to football. He did, however, try out for the school musical. He can't sing too great, so he ended up as an extra. He still gets teased about it to this day.

Mindy forces Ruby and Matilda to go on shopping sprees on her dime whenever she's off-duty.

Flinch brought an uncertain Duncan and Matilda to a punk show. Duncan and Flinch are now into the genre, and Matilda went a little too hard in the mosh pit and got thrown out of the venue. She's probably the biggest punk fan and also likes metal and other alt genres (but has since become a much better, more polite mosher).

Ruby likes eyeliner but is horrible at it (and also has a bit of hard time finding hypoallergenic makeup). Her goth friend usually does it for her.

Matilda got a tattoo on her wrist by lying about her age. She plans on getting more as soon as she turns 18.

Jackson dyed his hair blue for fun one time. Everyone made him promise to never go blue again.

Heathcliff's hair grew out into a messy red mop. He refuses to go back to a short style.

All the NERDS try to hang out outside of missions and school. Usually it's study sessions/sleepovers.

They went to homecoming together each year, usually urged on by Jackson, Flinch, and Ms. Deprankova. One year they all wore suits (except for Jackson, who rocked one of Mindy's dresses), another they went in pajamas.

Ruby and Heathcliff definitely slow-danced at homecoming, but made sure none of the other NERDS found out. Mindy and Jackson also slow danced but were super-obvious and carefree about it.

All of them want to go to (different) universities, except for Matilda, who wants to either enter the pro wrestling sphere or become a welder, and Mindy, who plans to either enter flight school or FBI training. The only planned non-STEM major in the group is Flinch, who wants to become an educator. Heathcliff is considering medical school.

They plan to keep in touch after high school, as they all have very deep bonds with one another, and care too much to let everything go after they leave NERDS as active agents.

That's about all I've got for that. Feel free to use these and tell me your own, I think it's cool when people share headcanons (and also I want more NERDS content).

[violetfoxviolarose]

Some funny N.E.R.D.S Incorrect Quotes I Generated Last Night

Ruby: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Heathcliff: You're like 15 years old

Ruby: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

...

Jackson: Here's some advice

Mindy: I didn't ask for any

Jackson: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

...

Duncan: We need to get through this locked door. Flinch, give me your credit card.

Flinch: Here.

Duncan, pocketing it: Thanks. Matilda, kick down the door.

...

Jackson: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Duncan will and will not eat.

Flinch: Grass? Yes!

Jackson: Moss? Yes!!

Flinch: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Jackson: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Flinch: Worms? Sometimes!

Jackson: Rocks? Usually nah.

Flinch: Twigs? Usually!

Jackson: Matilda's cooking? Inconclusive!

Ruby: How did you… test this?

Jackson: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

Ruby: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Matilda: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

...

Matilda: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Jackson: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Matilda: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Ruby: Actually I did the math, Jackson would have $225, not $0.15.

Jackson: Fam I’m right here....

Flinch: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Duncan: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Flinch: Sorry I only have a dollar

Duncan: :(

Ruby: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Jackson would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Flinch: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Ruby: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Matilda: Yeah and he wants soda and apply juice

Ruby: Apply juice to what

Heathcliff: Directly to the forehead

Jackson: Great chat everyone

...

Heathcliff: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Ruby: Isn't that just killing people?

Heathcliff: Ah, technicality.

...

Heathcliff: What is your biggest weakness?

Ruby: I can be uncooperative.

Heathcliff: Okay, can you give me an example?

Ruby: No.

...

Duncan: What does 'take out' mean?

Flinch: Food.

Jackson: Dating

Heathcliff: Murder

Matilda: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

...

Duncan: Flinch and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Jackson: *Sighing* What did Flinch do?

Duncan: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Flinch: Who wants a steering wheel?

...

Jackson: *Screams*

Flinch: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

Heathcliff: Should we do something?!

Duncan, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

...

Mindy: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Ruby: Wasn't Matilda with you?

Matilda: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

...

Duncan: Croissants: dropped

Jackson: Road: works ahead

Mindy: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Flinch: Shavacado: fre

Matilda: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Ruby:

Ruby, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

...

Duncan: Good morning.

Jackson: Good morning.

Heathcliff: Good morning.

Flinch: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Matilda: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

...

Matilda: Fuck.

Ruby: We've got to work on your cursing.

Matilda: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.

...

Jackson: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Matilda's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get her out...

...

Jackson: Ruby isn’t answering her phone

Heathcliff: I’ll call

Jackson: Flinch and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Ruby: Hello?

...

Jackson: Rules are made to be broken.

Ruby: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Flinch: Uh, piñatas.

Heathcliff: Glow sticks.

Matilda: Karate boards.

Duncan: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Jackson: Rules.

Ruby:

[violetfoxviolarose]

N.E.R.D.S.: Ruby x Heathcliff OTP Prompt

A quick response to this prompt I found online. Credits go to whoever coined this prompt, I found it as an image and can't find the OP. *shrugs*

I like Ruby x Heathcliff. Their arc is friends to enemies to neutral/friends again in the books, so I personally could see them going from friends to lovers after the point the books canonically end. I think Heathcliff as a character would be fun to redeem. I know he technically got that in the books, but he just kinda decided to be . . . not bad. Which is cool and all, but I imagine when you learn you've acted as a super villain for the past year and a half or so, you'd have a lot of unpacking to do in general (go directly to therapy, do not pass Go, do not collect $200).

Ruby as well. In the first book she thought she killed Heathcliff after she shoved him off of a cliff. Granted, he was doing evil shit at that point, but can you imagine how awful that whole situation would be?? Yeah, Ruby definitely has that as baggage, as well as baggage that one would expect from a former close friend trying to take over/destroy the world. And when she starts to develop feelings for Heathcliff in high school? Drama ensues. She definitely likes him, but doesn't know how to process the feelings she has towards him. And my headcanon is that Heathcliff is a huge softie that's madly in love with her. It's a fun and cute dynamic, in my opinion, even if it is mostly based on headcanon.

Anyway, here's the prompt. Enjoy guys!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An air of silence fell over the two of them as they continued to walk, leaves crunching under their feet as they did so. Heathcliff glanced over at Ruby and saw the finest red tinge forming across her face. She refused to make eye contact, and stared at the ground, fidgeting with a coil of her hair. He also noticed a small set of bumps forming on her neck. In spite of himself, Heathcliff grinned.

"Are . . . Are you blushing?" he incredulously asked. Ruby jerked her head up suddenly, looking like a deer caught in headlights. The tinge darkened.

"What? No," she said dismissively, looking away again. Heathcliff quietly scoffed. He knew better, but couldn't help himself with what he said next.

"Did I get the ever-stoic, hardcore, badass Ruby to blush??" he teased, giving Ruby a gentle poke in her side.

"No, you didn't," she said harshly, still not making eye contact. "It's . . . It's the cold," she finished. She kicked a rock out of the way and watched it bounce off the sidewalk and down the street.

"Huh," he said, eyes looking up at the gray, cloudy sky. "So, it's the cold, and not the fact that I just told you 'you're face is freaking adorable and I bet the rest of you is too?'"

He glanced over at Ruby with sparkling eyes. Ruby was beside herself, face now quite red. Her arms were crossed and she was doing her best (not very well) to act like Heathcliff wasn't there. She rolled her eyes.

"N . . . No," she squeaked, her voice jumping up an octave higher than usual. She cringed, covering her mouth in embarrassment. She turned away once again, her confident posture crumpling into a foreign one of mortification.

Heathcliff let out a loud laugh and draped his left arm over Ruby's shoulders. He drew himself closer to her.

"Well if it's the cold, then I should probably help keep you warm, right?" he asked. Ruby was silent for a few moments, face still quite pink.

"You're so nice to me, it's making me sick," was her only reply. She seemed a bit cross with him, but didn't make any move to break away from me. "Literally. I'm breaking out under my jacket."

"You deserve it," Heathcliff sighed. "Me being nice to you! Not you getting sick, or whatever!" he awkwardly clarified. "Geez that sounds awfully stuck up of me to say, isn't it . . . ?" he finished, trailing off. Ruby rolled her eyes again, a small smile appearing on her face.

"Er, ahem," Heathcliff awkwardly cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you break out. I . . . I didn't even know that was still a thing. Like, with the prophylaxis and whatnot."

"I mean, I still have allergies," Ruby explained. "They're just less serious now. But they can still flare if I'm exposed to an allergen. And one of my allergens happens to be . . ."

Ruby fell silent, turning pink again.

"Me? My teasing? A crush on me? Love??""

"Shut up," mumbled Ruby. "Just . . . Shut up. Please."

Heathcliff snickered. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop bugging you," he told her.

They walked in silence for a while. Heathcliff fully expected Ruby to pull away, but she didn't. She stayed right by his side the entire time. After a while, he looked over at her, trying to catch her eye. When she finally turned to look at him, he slid his left arm off her shoulder and took her hand into his.

"Damn," he commented. "Your hand is really cold." He cradled it gently, trying to warm it as best as he could. Ruby went pink, yet again, but looked at Heathcliff.

"See? I told you it was the cold," she said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Should've said something sooner," Heathcliff told her caringly.

Ruby grumbled something in reply. Heathcliff didn't quite catch what it was, but he didn't really mind. He squeezed her hand tighter absentmindedly. A couple of seconds later, Ruby returned the squeeze. An autumn wind struck them from behind, causing both of them to shiver, and the two of them huddled closer together as they continued their walk back home.

⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ END ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤

[thatshxtagain]

Random Bully!Ruby x Matilda oneshot

Matilda scurried through the sea of students, her sneakers squeaking against the tile when she stopped in front of her locker. With shaking fingers she hurriedly opened her locker, dumping her textbooks inside. She's five minutes early. If she's quick enough, she'd be able to duck into the crowd before the bell, before Ms. Henrick's class was dismissed, before-

"Hey dyke."

Matilda froze. That's impossible, Ms. Henrick never sends her class out before the bell! How is she-?

The Korean is grabbed forcefully by the shoulder, whirled around and slammed against the nearby locker to meet a familiar frame of glasses.

The daunting Ruby Peet stares down at her with narrowed eyes, lips curling into a smirk. Her blonde hair was tied back into a messy bun, revealing her deathhawk underneath that she had shaved herself. Matilda tries to avoid looking at her intimidating face and focused on the studs of her leather jacket, eyes steadily trailing down to where her line of sight could actually meet. Geez, why did this girl have to be so tall-

"My eyes are up here, pervert."

The tiny girl spluttered. Checking her out was the last thing she wanted her to think.

Slowly, she craned her neck to look up at the other female, gulping.

It's been like this for the past six weeks, when Kylie had spread the rumor of Matilda's crush on the formidable girl. Word reached Ruby fast, and she found delight in tormenting Matilda about it.

Ruby studied the startled girl for a few seconds, tilting her head in amusement. "You looked like you were in a rush, dyke. Were you trying to avoid me?"

Matilda immediately shook her head. Words were failing her right now, but she could at least answer that.

Ruby's lips pressed into a thin line. "Liar."

In an instant the blonde spun her around, twisting her arm behind her back while her other hand firmly gripped her shoulder. Matilda cried out, attempting to squirm out with no avail. "Y'know, I thought you would've been happy to see me, dyke," Ruby said, digging her nails in her arm. "You usually are."

"Since when?" Matilda mustered the courage to say through grit teeth. She immediately regretted that decision when she was shoved roughly, her head coming in contact with a locker door, knocking her to the floor. Black dots danced around her eyes as Ruby grabbed a fistful of her head from behind.

"Don't play dumb on me," she hissed. "You enjoy this. You always have. Somehow in that sick, demented head of yours you like being tossed around like shit."

Ruby slammed her into the locker door once more and Matilda could feel the beginnings of a black eye starting to form. A knee to her back brought out a wheeze as she gasped for air.

The blonde reeled her fist back for a punch when the bell rang, floods of students diverging into the hallway. The tall female released Matilda, who nearly fell back if she hadn't caught herself in time.

"9:00 at the park," Ruby growls. "Be there." There wasn't another word said before she stomped away.

Matilda took a few moments to recover, still dazed. She tentatively touched her forehead, wincing. That's definitely going to leave a bruise. Ruby's last words replayed in her head.

Did she just ask her out?

[bluemandycat]

Happy (extremely belated) birthday, @somemidnightsunshine!! A scene from a fictional NERDS visual novel/video game/dating sim?? enjoy! (this is a thank you for the present you gave me!)