#neither good nor bad emotions it just wasted my time

[soupnoodle]

my friend who went to see the new master and margarita movie, not familiar with the book: what the fuck is going on

me, watching the new master and margarita movie, familiar with the book: what the fuck is going on

[centrally-unplanned]

In news from a different world, last December J-pop idol Miho Nakayama passed away, quite shockingly so at the age of 54. I have no connection to her music or acting, but of course I do appreciate her role in the very early history of video game development and dating sims via the 1987 Famicom game Nakayama Miho no Tokimeki High School, which I have discussed before. I decided to play the game "in memoriam", as it were - it does in fact have an English patch, and you can see a playthrough of said patch on YouTube here. It was time to experience my very own 80's high school idol love story <3.

To the surprise of no one, this game sucks. It essentially had to, no real fault on the developers, but that doesn't change the facts. It is working with incredibly limited graphical capabilities of course, with the average scene looking like this:

Which just isn’t enough for “ambiance” immersion to work, every setting is generic by definition. That can of course be saved by a good plot or gameplay, but neither shows up here; there is barely any story to speak of. Main Guy goes to new school, meets “Mizuho”, realizes she is secretly pop idol Miho trying to live a normal life, they start dating, and paparazzi-types and the pressures of her career get in the way such that eventually (based on your route progression) she breaks up with you or you stay a couple and ride off into the sunset together. Literally by the way, a friend loans you a motorcycle so you can escape the press:

You might be saying “surely you are skipping some things” but I assure you it is nothing important. Neither Miho nor the main character have any personality to speak of, and your time is filled generally by comedic hijinks or just the mechanics of progressing the relationship. There is a fat-faced friend who gossips about school, you have a family that ~exists, there is a stuck-up rich girl you speak to about twice before she kidnaps you in order to serve you drugged food so you will date her (as was typical for 1980’s courtship norms) which happens solely to make you late for a date with Miho to create drama, and so on - it is all as tiresome as it is irrelevant. You can even poke your head into the girl’s locker room at some point, the crown jewel of filler content:

This isn’t even arcade-cabinet-strip-mahjong levels of hot, I know video games of the era could do better than this! Though for all the extraneous plot beats and side characters, I did like “The Trio”, a group of cackling girls who follow you around like a Greek chorus taunting you for your desires:

In another game these fey spirits would devour your organs at the right moment, mad respect. 

Anyway, all of this plot filler is used to stretch out the non-story but in that task it gets a helping hand from the game mechanics, which are a classic example of arbitrary progression gatekeeping. Half the dialogue options are just variants of the same core emotion, and the right answer is inscrutable. You get moments like this one, where Miho is apologizing to you for a misunderstanding:

And all of these answers are pretty dismissive? But the right answer is A, the meanest of them! Guess she has a type, but since you as a player haven’t negotiated her safe words yet you don’t know that and are just gonna facecheck your way through these.

As the cherry on top the advertised “facial expression” system is actually a letdown - it is very rarely used, most dialogue options don’t ask for it, and when they do you have six options:

But you actually never use half of these, and 90% of the time the correct answer is “normal”. At least this was bad in a “too easy” way, so it doesn’t waste your time, but you could just remove it as a mechanic and miss nothing. All of the “interactive” elements could be replaced by linear narrative, actually, and nothing would be lost.

Besides the competitive media mix aspects of the game, obviously. Which is what it is all about, right? This ain’t some random 8-bit idol, this is Miho Nakayama! And even in-game she is pretty cute, I do like the design for the close-up convos:

The glasses-for-disguise are nice with her moe eyes, the details of the shading really pop in an 8-bit context, and really the whole framework of the UI as this sort of flip picture book is adding value here (as opposed to being irrelevant in the location shots). They even give her a bunch of different outfits on your dates because as the heroine she deserves it:

“Ash, those first two are literally just palette swaps” ��No man, look, the red one is using dithering to create a fade effect on the colors, implying a more complicated pattern like plaid thatching, while the blue one uses bold lines to imply a striped coat”. It was impressive in 1987, alright! This girl has no textual personality but there is life in this design that stands out from its peers.

But of course it isn’t the in-game graphics doing the heavy lifting here. As mentioned before, this was a “Telephone Game”, where players would be prompted at times to call phone numbers Nintendo had rented out to hear voicemails Nakayama had recorded. These voicemails are, to the best I can tell, lost to us - I have not found an existing recording online. They were only up briefly actually, for a few months after the game was released - this was not an era where longevity for games was considered important. We do have transcripts of them though, and I can imagine that picking up your house phone, calling a phone number, and getting the actual voice of the “character” in the game talking to you - making your heart go doki doki if you will - must have been pretty cool.

(Miho even travels throughout the game, and the phone numbers - according to this blogger - actually use location-appropriate area codes so it feels like you are really calling Osaka or Hokkaido! Very cool…unless - according to another blogger - you got hit with long distance calling charges for your pursuit of troubled love, as was reported in the media at the time. Now that’s authenticity?)

This mechanic is essentially a ludomantic experience that is impossible to capture today, because voice acting in video games is incredibly common; so much so that it would come off as gimmicky to make someone go through such a multi-device process. But since the Famicom couldn’t make vocal sounds, it had to make you use your phone, which created the simulacrum of actually calling a real human outside of the game to talk to. That is pretty neat!

As mentioned, the media mix came bundled with a competition - the winners were the first 16,000 players to submit a “Best Ending” record via the barely-used Famicom Disk Fax system. As helpfully explained in the instruction manual alongside photos of the IRL Nakayama:

And the big prize of a VHS tape of behind-the-scenes Nakayama stuff has been preserved, and is easily available if you want to watch it. Don’t though, it isn’t worth it; it is primarily b-roll footage of her doing typical day-to-day tasks and softball interview questions about “what is her type” with generic answers, stuff like that. Solid C- for the genre. But still, you didn’t know that when competing, right? The pressure to get your game file in was fierce.

I mentioned how the game essentially “had to be bad” at the start, and I want to dig into why that is. In my initial post I linked, I actually made a false statement - I said the development time for the game was “2 weeks”. I said that because the game’s Wikipedia page in English says it and so it is common trivia on the net, but I don’t think that it is true. Even when I typed it in that original post, the back of my mind was going “wait, that can’t be literally true, it is very hard to make a game that fast in that era - these guys are coding in Assembly!”, but I sort of hand-waived it away as, oh something like they were harvesting an existing game prototype or somesuch. But I believe this fact comes from a mistranslation of interviews like this one:

岩田: 坂口さんは『ファイナルファンタジー』の開発を終えて、『トキメキハイスクール』に合流されたんですか？ 坂口: ええ。チームの何名かが合流して、３カ月間くらいでしょうか。で、最後は１０名くらいのメンバーといっしょに京都にやって来て、２週間くらいカンヅメになって、なんとか開発を終えることができたんです。

Or:

Iwata: Sakaguchi, did you join the "Tokimeki High School" project after finishing development on "Final Fantasy"? Sakaguchi: Yes, that’s right. Several team members joined the project for about 3 months, I think. And then near the end of development, about 10 of us came down to Kyoto and we holed up for around 2 weeks until we somehow managed to finish the game.

So what is going on here is the game’s development was a joint production between Nintendo - in Kyoto at this time - and up-and-coming game company Square in Tokyo. And yes, they were literally working on Final Fantasy right before this game, and switched gears to tackle this new project. Or at least some of them did, for 3 months, and then famed-director-of-Final-Fantasy Sakaguchi came down to Kyoto and lived out of a hotel for two weeks doing crunch to finish it off. That fact, probably because Sakaguchi is the famous person reporters would care about, got transformed into the idea that the whole game took 2 weeks to make. 

In this same interview they talk about how, at the end of that crunch, they all went out for drinks to celebrate…until they got a phone call about how the motorcycle in the ending credits is glitching out and flying off the screen, which they thought was a hilarious, beautifully fitting bug for their time together. And that is hilarious, the primary reason I am recounting it, but I also think it goes to show that this was a hot mess of a game dev process. 2 weeks or ~3 months, both of those are not enough time. And with two companies in different cities, doing crunch out of a hotel, wrangling with a record label for a pop idol’s permission, setting up phone line recordings and VHS tapes and a bonus competition using experimental fax machines, all aligned with a media blitz? All for a game genre that honestly hadn’t been done before? I have checked, and you can authentically argue this is the first ever dating sim, at least on a console. People overstate what it is inventing - it is pulling tropes from romance anime and manga, of course - but even that process of transference is tough. This wasn’t a genre yet, and in a way they weren’t even trying to make a dating sim. They were trying to make an event.

One that today you just can’t experience. Very few people care about Nakayama Miho “like that” anymore, we aren’t seeing the commercials or the magazine ads or buying the discount unofficial strategy guide that invented a fake protagonist and never used Miho’s name because they didn’t have the rights. Today you play the game just because it is a game, and when you hit the phone numbers you tab over to a transcript of the voicemails…or maybe don’t even bother. The game was just a vessel for the hype. That doesn’t make the game good, by the way, I don’t want to go that far. The game was a not-very-good vessel for the hype, and an anachronistically better team could have made a better game. It isn’t really worth playing, in the end. But it is worth researching! As an event, it is really cool. As a piece of history, it is probably unique. And I respect the team behind it for that.

[cravingpepsimax]

Whatcha angry abt on stancest, Max?

ok. my evil dark confession is this: i do not care for a lot of dark!stancest content.

9/10 times it feels ridiculously out of character, which is bizarre because stan and ford both have traits that could easily turn them villainous.

stan’s got unrelenting devotion towards ford, protecting him pretty much whenever he can, working for 30 fucking years to bring him back. stan’s also got a rich and vibrant criminal past — of course, being a criminal doesn’t make you a bad person, but when you’re surrounded by criminals for decades, you’re gonna get a bit desensitized to violence.

ford, on the other hand, has like. the Perfect abuser mentality of “everything i do is right bc i am the main character”. ford will do stupid, bad things, things he’d rightfully call others on — and he won’t even realize he’s doing anything bad. bc he justifies it to himself. sure, if someone ELSE did this, it might be bad, but ford’s got reasons xyz, so it’s fine and good.

yet. in spite of this. a massive amt of dark!stancest content does not tap into any of these traits in any meaningful way!

half the time it’s literally just. stan or ford (mostly ford) doing horrible fucked up shit to the other for seemingly no reason other than they want to do it. that’s a massive wasted opportunity and also not in character??? stan and ford rarely do Big Important Things just cuz they’re Like That. ford justifies it, stan gets caught up in his emotions, but it’s hardly their default!

i also feel like a lot of dark!stancest stuff puts in noncon w 0 consideration to the characters’ mentalities. neither ford nor stan are the kind of person to just. like. rape someone out of anger. or because they’re really horny. like — i know i mentioned stan getting caught up in his emotions, but stan’s a very self-sacrificing person. he’s not gonna fuckin’ molest ford in the night to deal w his brocon feelings he’s gonna sadly masturbate

more commonly, tho, ford’s the rapist — and that’s where this really bugs me. because there is a REALLY OBVIOUS WAY RAPIST!FORD WOULD WORK. if you’re gonna write rapist!ford, you’re gonna have have justify it to himself:

they either deserve it (and, no, this isn’t just “god i’m mad at my brother i have to rape him” — it has to be something extremely serious! i remember seeing someone mention filbrick molesting ford, and ford raping stan later on as a sort of “oh, you think YOU’VE had it bad?”. it’s not perfect — but it’s still better than just “grr angry”) or they secretly want it so it isn’t actually rape.

and it bothers me so much bc it often ends up feeling like noncon is just added to make it Darker and Edgier and Sexier with 0 actual care given to the characters. you can make shit darker and edgier if you want! but it has to FIT. it has to WORK. you can’t just completely derail the characters???

tl;dr: a lot of dark!stancest stuff completely ignores the characters’ actual personalities and ways of thinking for Dark Edgy Stuff and it is annoyinggg like in theory i LOVE dark!stancest but in practice i’m stuck going “he would NOT fucking do that”

[tomorrowxtogether]

In the name of youth! TXT dreams of tomorrow

TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s teasers that were released prior to dropping their new album entitled minisode 3: TOMORROW traces along the team’s past.

The first one, “TXT minisode 3: TOMORROW Concept Trailer Teaser” in which the members appear donning crowns is a nod to their debut song “CROWN”, while the photos and concept clips of the other three versions “Light”, “Ethereal”, and “Romantic” overlap with the many moments since their debut up till the present. “Light” in which the members look like young princes amid nature that they have all to themselves reminds us of the group’s early years, when they landed on the music scene as fresh, mysterious young boys up to their “Blue Hour” period. The members look like fallen angel-turn-rockers in “Ethereal” which reminds us of the rock number “0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) feat. Seori” where the members emulated young boys who got lost along the way. In “Romantic” the rose from the music video of “Good Boy Gone Bad,” which is a song about a boy’s overwhelming emotions over breaking up with his lover, makes another appearance except it has now withered and dried up. It’s indeed a “Deja Vu” much like the lead single off minisode 3: TOMORROW. The same events are repeated, but they’re not quite the same. TOMORROW X TOGETHER dance in the “minisode 3: TOMORROW Concept Trailer” just like they did in the “Blue Hour” music video. But instead of in a beautiful plain in “Blue Hour” they dance in a wasted forest with overpasses running through, trees strewn about. Things in the present have gone miserably wrong, unlike in the past. They are in the real world; the members jumped in willingly in the last album The Name Chapter: FREEFALL. Here, nobody believes that they were once young princes. 

“I’ve fun away countless times” in “Deja Vu” recalls the lyrics that asks us to run away with them in “Run Away,” that they want to run away in “CROWN,” and that they are running away in a gray car in “LO$ER=LO♡ER.” “Before our dusty crown” is reminiscent of “CROWN” and “A big crown on my, they aren’t hideous horns anymore,” and of the relationship between horns and a crown. “Deja Vu” is a culmination of TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s past. All of their pasts made TOMORROW X TOGETHER who they are here, in the real world. Just like in the opening of “CROWN,” there’s a Morse Code in the second track of the album that comes before “Deja Vu”: ‘- --- -- --- .-. .-. --- .—’. This signal that marked the team's appearance is still being sent out today. However, the signals in “Deja Vu” are “Morse Codes from the ruins” The boys have come to the present from the past, from fantasy to reality, but their present, right here is in ruins. The brutal reality of the present demolishes all the good times, just like the waves erode the sand. The beat and melody of “Deja Vu” continue, like Morse Codes sent from the past reaching us in the present. However, just like TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s past that is reflected in “Deja Vu”, the past that remains in their memories stops them from accepting reality just as it is. They want to keep believing that they were young princes, even if nobody would believe them. And reality is here to aggressively eliminate this wish. This is how they become overcome with an emotion that is neither just sadness nor rage. While “Deja Vu” is a mix of lazy trap and emo-rock, it is more of a combination of complex feelings than a simple mash up of genres. The slow buildup of pent-up emotions along with the beat erupts in the latter half of the second verse in an emo-rock sound with guitars and drums at the fore. It seems like we are severed from our past, but the past can also be the driver that awakens our emotions that have been suppressed by reality. It can create the miracle of tomorrow like in “Miracle,” the track that follows “Deja Vu.” The emotions that are repressed in “Deja Vu” climaxes in the second half of the second verse, then transforms into a bright explosive rock sound in “Miracle” - “tomorrow is visible when your eyes are closed.” We’re not sure if this miracle of tomorrow will ever come true. But like in the last track “Quarter Life,” save for the acoustic rendition of “Deja Vu,” “Deja Vu (Anemoia Remix),” they are in fact stumbling through a dark time, just “a quarter way into a long, long tunnel,” which is quite a far way from nine and three quarters. The adults say, “you only get these beautiful days of youth now,” failing to understand the younger generation, but the boys want to shout out “which way do we go”?! TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s past journey that has been compiled into minisode 3: TOMORROW flips the young people’s relationship with the past and the present, their dreams and reality. Adults in the real world say that young princes don’t exist, that we need to live in the real world. But minisode 3: TOMORROW tells us that all our dreams and love of the past is the way to a “tomorrow” that transcends reality. Young boys who are born in the age of hip hop meets rock to leap into tomorrow. 

Once you’ve listened to the whole album, go back to the first track “I'll See You There Tomorrow” and give it another listen. While you may not know which way to go and things may feel bleak, “Quarter Life” tells you to tells you to wander a little, work your way through it, then “I'll See You There Tomorrow” tells the young child who told me “see you again tomorrow” when “I wanted to run away,” and says “I believe that we are meant to be, it’s okay if you’re late, I will always wait for you tomorrow.”  In this moment, “I'll See You There Tomorrow” becomes the last moment when TOMORROW X TOGETHER passes through the dark reality and reaches “tomorrow” together, while showing us a glimpse into TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s future as the first track of the album. Reality is depressing, miserable. But future TOMORROW X TOGETHER invites themselves in the present, and the child that says “see you again tomorrow” to the beyond. The explosive voice from "Deja Vu” expresses the overwhelming emotion of tomorrow’s arrival without too much strain, accompanied by electronic sounds. 

TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s journey has been moving through the dreamy past and the present reality, and towards the future. minisode 3: TOMORROW encompasses the past, present and future all in one album to show us that the young boys are about to embark on a new journey. It seems like they have made it through a quarter of their lives in reality, but in the far future, they may be completely different luminous people. Like the message of the fourth concept trailer “Promise,” reaching what is “beyond” together is all a part of the youthful days shared by TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s generation. 

[galakaz]

Time killing time spoilers (aka i talk about my thoughts on the event)

Oh we eating excellent today. The mostly comedic tone i feel was a good thing to have after what happened in canto 6 (ishmael getting karma, the outfits, mei, going for that A.S.S, ace detective rodion). Before the event came out i know people were debating on why vergilus picked that team either for their skills or because it reminded him of his old crew which could still be the case but its comedic to me that the reason mersault didn't join is because he didn't volunteer also this yi sang moment

ya like to see your boy happy We get reminded that the city is indeed a bad place. and we finally get some more characterization for rodion cause by god she needed it her canto was not long enough and it was exelent, the the facade is now painfully obvious if you didn't see it before and she still has her doubts of being useless and not special especially after seeing sonya's effects in the world.

the time killer themselves rocking up in a clean suit body and quite an interesting antagonist built around the concept of wasting time and the guilt from that, carmen did a good job that day clean workmanship (still fuck you carmen). Hubert turning out to be who we really are and planning to stop time to achieve his goal is 100% gonna bite us in the ass especially when LIMBUS IS SELLING HIM THE FUCKING CORUPTION PILLER LIKE

IM WITH YOU VERGILIUS WHY IN GODS NAME IS THIS COMPANY SELLING THE BLOODY PILLARS THATS NOT LIKE SOME RANDOM WEAPON THAT THING LITERALLY CAUSES DISTORTIONS THAT IS FUCKING DANGEROUS THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS COMPANY. ALSO DAMNED CONTRACT STOPPING THEM FROM ACTING ON THAT. (but we did get vergilius content from this and by god i am dining on that shit like i havent eaten in 3 days) anyway

Hong lu thats not just something you can casually bring up. but it did help with understanding ones feelings to try and cheer rodion up (hong lu is gonna be quite interesting when we get to his canto with his emotional intelligence)

I just wanted to yap about my thoughts

(the pic is there to separate this)

Oh yeah and its funny how outis realised she aint all that when neither dante nor vergilius didn't pick her (and it 100% effected her)

[pink-sparkly-witch]

The Widow - Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Summary: Sam and Y/N are happily married, but everything changes after a fatal car accident leaves her a widow. The Winchester motto: "Family Don't End with Blood," takes on a whole new meaning for Y/N as she navigates her new normal with the help of her brother-in-law, Dean. But what no one can tell her, is what happens when she falls in love again?   

Pairing: Sam Winchester x F!Reader (past) | Dean Winchester x F!Reader (eventual)

Warnings: grief, angst, fluff

Words: 2,450

A/N: I am so sorry for making so many of you cry or get emotional from the last chapter. Although I made myself cry writing it, but I never thought it would have the same impact on the readers *hugs*. This one shouldn’t be so bad 🫣💖

You can catch up here!

My Masterlist     AO3    Ko-Fi

One Month Later

Grief is a funny thing; on the good days, you can function like a normal adult by eating and sleeping quite well. But on the bad days, you stay on the sofa just staring at the wall, wearing pyjamas that – like your hair – haven’t been washed in days, and you can’t remember the last time you ate because everything tastes like ash.

Today though, is a good day. You’ve eaten, showered, done the laundry, and now you’re washing the dishes from the lunch you had with John and Dean. One of those things on its own is a huge achievement, and the fact you did them all feels like it should be worth celebrating, but your sense of accomplishment is whipped away just as quickly as it had appeared.

“Have you thought any more about clearing out Sam’s things?” John speaks softly and carefully, like he’s dealing with a caged animal. But when he’s met with silence from you, he lets out a sigh. “Darlin’, it’s not healthy staying cooped up in the house all day surrounded by his things.”

“Dad…” Dean attempts to shut down the conversation.

“Look,” John continues, ignoring his eldest son’s plea. “I know you’re hurting, believe me, I do. And honestly, it’s gonna be like that for a long time. Maybe even always. I’m just trying to make it easier for you. All these things you’re doing,” John gestures around the open-plan living area of the home you shared with your late husband, “aren’t healthy.”

You don’t need this right now. This is a good day. So, you do what you always do when John brings it up; you walk away.

Dropping the plate back into the soapy water, you quickly dry your hands, pick up the basket filled with clean laundry from the kitchen table, and walk away. You know it’s childish, but his argument is one you don’t want to hear because you know he’s right. You know seeing Sam’s things everywhere doesn’t help. You know wearing clothes that still hold a little bit of his scent will only prolong your grief. And you know that calling his number to hear his voicemail message several times a day isn’t healthy. You’re just not ready to let go yet. And that’s something neither he nor Jody seems to understand.

“Dad, you need to drop this. She’s grieving,” you hear Dean say as you step into the hallway. “Do you want to push her away? Because that’s what’s gonna happen if you don’t leave her be!”

“I’m only trying to help, son,” John sounds defeated, and you pause to listen to what else they have to say about you. “She’s a good girl, Dean, and she’s choosing to waste away by locking herself in this damn house day after day!”

“Sam only died last month! Her husband has only been dead for six weeks,” Dean yells. “He’s barely cold in the ground, just let her grieve!” 

You smile softly at the way Dean always has your back. That’s why the days he comes to check in on you are your favourite. He listens and understands you – or at the very least, pretends to. He gets why you’re still holding on. He gets that it’s not as easy as putting your big girl panties on and getting back on the horse. You lost your husband. The love of your life. You don’t just get up, dust yourself off and walk away from that. And Dean seems to be the only one who understands, which surprises you because John lost Mary when he was around your age and you thought that might make him understand what you’re going through a little more.

You hear John sigh, and from the scratching sound, run his hand over his stubbled face. “I just hate seeing her hurting. In all the time I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her do anything other than smile, and now, I never see that smile. Some days, like today, that hurts more than the loss of my son.”

“I know, dad. I miss her smile too, but she’s going through a process, and she’ll take her own time to do it. What she needs is for us to be supportive and stop pushing her to move on before she’s ready.”

You smile again, grateful beyond words that Dean gets it. Gets you. He’s always been good at reading people and emotions. He knows you better than you know yourself. Better sometimes, than even Sam did.

You’ve heard enough and make your way upstairs to put the laundry away, taking the time to stop, breathe, and reset because today is a good day.

Deciding you’ve hidden away upstairs long enough, you make your way back down to your guests, but stop short when you see John standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“I gotta get going, darlin’. I’m sorry if I upset you, it wasn’t my intention. I’m worried about you and trying to help.” he steps towards you and places a kiss on your forehead.

“I know,” you smile softly. “And I appreciate it… Sometimes.” You smirk, and John chuckles.

“I’ll see you in a few days, alright? I’ve been putting this hunting trip with Bobby off for a couple of weeks and I’ve run out of excuses!” he chuckles again.

“It’ll do you good to get away. You work too hard, and you’ve been taking care of me too, you deserve a break.” John’s been getting the family business ready for Dean to take over for the past few weeks, and you have the suspicion he isn’t quite as ready for retirement from Winchester Auto Repair as he says he is.

“Alright, I’m going. Dean, take care of our girl. Y/N, take care of Dean,” he jokes, and you let out a bleat of laughter, the sound now so foreign to the men in your hallway that they grin like little kids on Christmas morning. With a hug and another kiss on your forehead, John heads out.

“I’m sorry about dad, sweetheart. When mom passed, he didn’t have a choice and had to keep going because of me and Sammy, you know? I think he thinks everyone should be able to do the same.”

“I get it, I really do. But I don’t have anything to fight for, and I feel like I’m barely treading water most days,” you chuckle sadly. “Jody says the same kinda things, you know?” You glance up at Dean and see he’s got his whole attention on you.

“Her latest is: ‘Honey, when are you gonna stop wearing his clothes? Surrounding yourself in his scent constantly is tricking your brain into thinking he’s coming home…’” You mimic Jody’s voice perfectly, albeit a little whinier than she really is, causing Dean to chuckle. “I know she’s right… and so is your dad, just don’t tell them I said that!” you point at Dean in warning, and he holds up his hands.

“Your secrets are safe with me, sweetheart. No one needs John Winchester knowing he’s right about anything,” Dean chuckles before asking the question you know is coming. “So, if you know they’re right, what’s holding you back?”

“Because some days it comforts me. Wearing his clothes, smelling him, seeing his stuff exactly where he left it, makes me feel like he’s still here. Like literally here, watching me,” you sweep your arms around you, “and that makes me feel safe and comforted and loved. And I’m not ready to give that up yet.”

“You said some days,” Dean brings up. And of course, he picks up on that.

“What?” You ask, in a bid to delay the inevitable.

“You said, ‘some days it comforts me’. Are there days it doesn’t?” 

“Me wearing his clothes, leaving his stuff around… it’s my choice. But sometimes I catch his scent when I’m not expecting it or find something in a drawer, and it hits me so hard, and I feel like I’m drowning in anger and grief and I–” your voice catches and you stop to take a deep, shaky breath. “Those are the days that kill me. The days I don’t move from the couch or even get out of bed. It’s like if I do these things – even though I know it’s not healthy – it feels better when it’s a choice I have and not forced on me.”

“So, it’s about controlling your grief?” Dean questions and it makes you stand a little straighter and give him your full attention. “They say the last stage of grief is acceptance, right?” He looks at you with a raised brow and you nod your head. “Sweetheart, I think you’re almost there, standing right at the line, but you’re not ready to cross it.”

“What are you, my therapist?” Your attempt at joking falls flat because you know he’s hitting the nail on the head.

“Hey, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just trying to understand where you’re at and what’s stopping you from getting to the other side.” He stares at you intensely, and you can feel the heat rise from your neck. “Come on, sweetheart, help me out here. I just wanna figure out what’s going on in that pretty head of yours to see if I can help.”

“What if crossing that line means I’m forgetting him?” You mumble meekly.

“Y/N/N–” Dean starts but you cut him off, realising the need to say it out loud.

“If I clear out Sam’s things, get rid of all his clothes, put the photographs away, I’m removing every trace of him from this house. Our house. What if by doing that, and without seeing those reminders of him every day, it makes me forget him?”

“That’s never gonna happen, Y/N. Your relationship with Sam, your love for him and his for you, will always be a part of you,” Dean takes your hand and pulls you with him to the sofa and sits you down. Rather than take the seat next to you, he sits on the coffee table facing you. “I can tell by the look on your face you don’t believe me, so let me ask you a question.”

“Okay.” You’re dubious but agree anyway.

“Who was your first love? And I don’t mean Sam,” Dean states before you can try that argument. “I mean your first, first love. I’m talking like middle school and the first guy you thought you couldn’t live without.”

“Billy Richie.” It comes out of your mouth before your brain fully registers his question.

“What was Billy like?” Dean smirks, and you grin back at him, understanding where he’s going with this.

“He had blond hair, blue eyes, and a really cute smile. Oh! And he wore a leather jacket all the time, whatever the weather,” you giggled. “He sat next to me in Math class, he was always chewing gum and would wink at me every time he sat down.”

“Oh, Billy was a bit of a bad boy, huh?” Dean chuckles.

“Nah, he was a big teddy bear. He just looked the part.” You smile at the memories Billy Richie is stirring up. “He was my date to prom, and my first kiss.”

“And with that smile on your face, sweetheart, I’d say you remember him just as well now as you did fifteen years ago,” Dean holds your gaze, even gently pulling your chin towards him when you try to look away. “My point is that if you can remember bad boy Billy Richie so clearly after fifteen years, you’re gonna remember Sam even clearer in fifteen years because he was your husband.” Dean leans forward, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I get that you’re not ready to take that final step, and trust me, I have your back against anyone who tries to push you over that hurdle before you’re ready to make the jump. And when you do jump, I’ll be right here with you.” Dean smiles softly as he takes your hands in his. “But I do want you to think about doing one thing for me,” Dean’s voice is kind and gentle, and you know whatever he’s going to say to you is a suggestion rather than an order.

“I would really like you to think about going back to work. Seeing people, getting out of the house and having a distraction for a few hours a day will do you the world of good, sweetheart.” 

Dean stares at you with such intensity and all you can see is how much he cares about you. It’s clear that he thinks this is the best thing for you, and the more you think about it, the more you agree with him.

“You know what? I’ll think on it a little more, but I think you might be right,” your answer is not what Dean expects by the way he looks like he’s just won the lottery.

“Awesome,” Dean declares. “Now we’ve got that out of the way, The Lost Boys is on tonight. Wanna order pizza and watch it?” He grins at you, and you can’t help but smile at how boyish he looks when he does that.

“Dean, it’s Friday. Don’t cancel your plans with whichever girl is your flavour of the week to spend the night in with me,” you tease.

“I, uhm,” he rubs his hand over the back of his neck, “haven’t had those kinda plans since the night Sammy…” he doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t need to. “Even if I did,” he continues, “One: you are much more important than some girl in a bar, and two: I’d much rather spend the night watching movies with you.”

“Dean–”

“I mean it,” he insists. “You’re not a burden or an inconvenience – I know that’s what’s running through your head, don’t even try to argue with me! So, are we watching this damn movie together or are you gonna make me go home and watch it by myself? All alone. On a Friday night.” Dean’s feigned grumpiness makes you laugh.

“Fine! I’ll order the pizza! But I don’t have any beer, so if you want some, you’ll have to go to the store.”

“On it!” Dean stands and leans over to press another kiss on your forehead, something that was second nature to all the Winchester men where you’re concerned, but you aren’t going to complain about the sweet gesture. “You need anything else?” he asks as he picks up his car keys.

“No, all good. Just… please promise me you’ll drive safe,” you beg, worrying at your bottom lip.

“Always, sweetheart. I promise.”

Next Chapter>>

@deans-spinster-witch @muchamusedaboutnothing @kazsrm67 @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @leigh70 @waynes-multiverse @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @chriszgirl92 @stoneyggirl2 @marilynnlew @ilovedean-spn2

[hughiecampbelle]

Cicatrix (Kendall Roy Oneshot)

Character/s: Kendall, Logan mention

Word Count: 1,440

Warning/s: scars, scars mention, self-harm, self-harm mention

A/N: Baby girl!!! He deserved happiness and joy and I just love him!!! I've been feeling really bad about the scars that I have from not being in good place mentally so writing this is a teensy bit for therapy lol. I just know Baby Girl would love someone with scars so wholeheartedly 💞 Feedback is always appreciated 💜💖💜

FIC MASTERLISTS/TAG LIST 

The intern, the one with the scars. Thats what Logan calls you. Behind your back, to your face, it means no difference to him. At first you were shocked, rightfully hurt. That was before you realized he could say whatever he wanted regardless of others emotions. Before you came to the conclusion you were the only human in a team of vultures. Carnivorous bastards, starved, left to watch him indulge. The one with the scars. As if that’s all you’d ever be, these marks on your body, massive reminders of all the things you’ve been through, survived, escaped. You wore long sleeves, even when the weather was sweltering. Your legs were always covered. You made sure your attire, your body, was safe from the cool air of the office, from the looks and stares of your co-workers. Sometimes your sleeve slid down, your pant leg rose up. Seconds of exposure were enough to catch his eye, to make yourself known. They all know who he’s talking about. There are scars on your hands, too. Everywhere you could reach, in those moments, were fair game. Raised, faint, but still noticeable. Always noticeable. Gerri couldn’t take her eyes off. You thought you were alone. Stupid. Foolish. Naive. You thought you were alone and you took off your jacket and your sleeves were rolled up. The heater was broken and blasting into the office. You just needed a minute, that’s all. She stopped in the middle of her sentence, an order, another coffee run. She never finished her thought. Karl followed close behind, a look of pity settling into his expression. A perfectly good body, wasted. Ruined. You’d seen that look before. By the time Frank had come in, you were already out the door, excusing yourself to the bathroom, your arm stuck in the sleeve of your suit. 

It made you want to scream. 

Where are they, the one with the scars? The statement sits in your head, sinking in the pit of your stomach, when you hide in various offices trying to catch your breath. Fighting back tears, poorly, that’s when you run into him. Forcefully, around the corner, your hands pressed into his chat before you can register you’ve just bumped into someone. He stands so solid, shocked, ripping off his headphones and sunglasses. You went down like a ton of bricks, unsteady on your feet, the tears falling before you could stop them, too ashamed to look him in the eye. The one with the scars. Thats’ all you were, would ever be, besides the intern who smacked into the boss’ kid. You. rightfully, feared his reaction. You’d only been working with Logan a few months, but you knew his emotional outbursts pretty well. The yelling, the anger, the slammed doors and name calling. That was on a good day. You flinched at the idea of what his children could be like. He held out his hand for a moment, then understood you weren’t looking, you weren’t comprehending, instead crying. He bent down, brown eyes wide, almost helpless. He had no idea what to do when people cried. Hed never learned to comfort anyone. A-are you hurt? D-did I hurt you? He checks himself and you for blood. No, no you just banged into one another. Then why were you crying. Oh, right. He knew where he’d seen you before, a few times. Running around the office, in competition like a dog with your peers. Interns were expendable limbs to his father. D-did my dad do this? He meets your eyes, his tone neither condescending nor angry. This struck a nerve you didn’t know he had. His hand was on your shoulder, burning through the fabric of your suit, all the way through to your skin, your scar tissue. You wanted to shake him off, wipe your tears, pretend nothing happened, but you were locked in place. Defeated. You just shake your head no, not wanting to cause any problems. No, no I’m okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t mean to interrupt, he just can’t stand it. Of course Logan said something, of course he was making you cry, who else would do this? How many interns quit under him? Not enough. Everyone too afraid to stand up for themselves against him. He had to say something, anything, to get this to stop. The look on your face, it broke his heart, whether or not you’d intended it to. 

He had to say something. 

He climbs into bed beside you, pulling the blanket out from around you, a whoosh of cold air frozen against your exposed skin. It prickles. You giggle, falling into him, his warmth. He smells like the sheets, a familiar scent of detergent and a hint of sweet sweat. His smile is so easy, so careless, so bright, burying the two of you under the covers. He can’t take his eyes off you. The mess of your hair, the bags under your eyes, the creases of your face, all of it is a work of art. Proof of God. It’s rare he catches you in this state: comfortable in your own skin, comfortable with him. He can’t take his eyes off you, not wanting to miss a moment. You sleep like a baby squirrel. You had no idea what that meant, but it was cute, endearing coming from him, and he meant it as a compliment. A baby squirrel, curled into yourself, your head against his chest, your breathing shallow. You looked so serene, so sweet, the heat of your face warming his chest. He never wanted to leave you, ever. He wanted the whole world to fade away. Your first encounter was months ago. Neither of you expected it go anywhere near here, but it did. It did and you couldn’t be happier. Ken had said something to Logan, about making his interns cry. It didn’t change anything, not really, but he felt proud to have stood up to him for you. For the next week, he’d linger in the office, by his father, wanting to talk to you again, to have a real conversation with names, with plans. He liked you, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Not because you were sad or scared, but because you were thoughtful, even towards a monster. You wanted to protect a man without a soul. Anyone else would have thrown Logan under the bus, would have sacrificed him and cashed out. Thats when he learned what he’d been saying, what everyone was saying. The one with the scars? They’re just being sensitive. Even Gerri had shrugged at the comment, as if it weren’t appalling. Horrifying. As if his father hadn’t gone way too far. 

Kendall had seen all of your scars. Every single one. He’d touched most of them, running his fingers over the lines you couldn’t see, but could reach, the first of them before you realized you had a problem, the newest that brought you the most shame. It was hard to stop, to put and end to it. There were periods of rest, lasting months, possibly a year, but you always went back to it when life was cruel and there was no one to go to. He insisted you go to him, and you do, but you can’t burden him with everything. You can’t put all this on him. He doesn’t patronize you or get angry, ever. He’s never raised his voice at you. It would kill him to do so. He reminds you he’s there for you, always, that you have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. You’d been so afraid to show him your skin. The words flash into your mind every time you slipped off your jacket or unzipped your pants, the kind that everyone had been telling you your whole life. Everyone had something they were ashamed of. Sometimes it was outer, on the body, sometimes it was inner, in the mind. For him it was his blood, his name, his legacy. Scars were nothing. They didn’t shock him or scare him, he wasn’t disgusted by them like you’d been anticipating, they were just another part of you. Another part to love, to care for, to enjoy. After his little outburst, no one referred to you by that name again. They stared, of course, they couldn’t take their eyes off your hands, and arms, and legs. But they never said that horrible name again. Just yours. Just y/n. His y/n, you reminded yourself. You weren’t alone in this anymore. It was you and him now, together always.

[aortaobservatory]

Hello! I've been following your blog for a while and I saw your classpecting questionnaire. I also saw someone else submit their own answers to get a classpect, if that's okay.

1. What is most important to you? - I want to live the life that I want/makes me happy, and I want to create something really good, good enough that people talk about it and it gets remembered after I die.

2. Why is this important to you? - I think the first part is obvious, but also I don't feel like I have a lot of control in my life already and as far as I know I only have one, I don't want to waste it. As for the second part, it's half related to what I just said and half because I feel like art, especially writing, is my calling in life.

3. Why do you do what you do? - I honestly don't feel like I really do much on a day-to-day basis. I'd like to do more, but I don't feel like I have a lot of opportunities, or friends to do stuff with (see below question about flaws)

4. What frustrates or upsets you most? - In general I get frustrated or upset pretty easily, mostly because in general I feel my emotions very strongly (especially negative ones). What frustrates/upsets me the most is people telling me what to feel/think/believe, or telling me that what I'm thinking/feeling/believing is wrong. Doubly so if I'm disagreeing with them on something and they just can't comprehend the idea that they might be wrong about anything.

5. What is in your way? What are your flaws? How do you overcome this? - I'm good at coming up with ideas and starting projects, but I'm bad at finishing them. I'm also shy and (usually) avoid confrontation, and neither like nor know how to initiate conversations. If I knew how to overcome this, I would've done it already.

6. Are you okay with that? - I'm not sure what "that" is referring to. Answers 1, 2 and 4, sure. Answers 3 and 5, no.

(freedom -> Breath), (to mean something -> Light? legacy, to be remembered, to leave an impact -> Doom, Rage, Knight-Page)

(little control -> Prince-Maid), (Hope-Rage), (Space)

lack of Blood, (acquire friends as a form of freedom?), (stuck, desire to do more -> Doom-Life, Space-Time), (lack of control, little opportunities -> Prince-Maid)

Hope-Rage, (inverse -> Hope), (Sylph-Maid, Knight-Page)

(Space, inverse -> Time, good with ideas, bad with commitment? -> Rage, inverse -> Hope), (Sylph-Maid), (Breath, inverse -> Blood)

(unclear -> Maid?), emphasis on freedom, holding strong to the self's own truth

A desire to live the life you want, a life that makes you happy, means you are not currently living that life, and that is visible to you to the point of upset frustration. You hate being told what to believe by others and you're unsure how to move forward, but you lack opportunities and you lack control. Your answers spoke to me as a very frustrated, confused Maid/Page seeking answers.

I have been attempting to pin down a classpect for you from these answers, but there is no one thing that uniquely stands out to me other than you most likely being a passive class within the Sylph-Maid (Enhancers) and Knight-Page (Utilizers) classes.

There are really quite a lot of interesting elements in your answers here. They could combine in any number of ways. I believe you may be Rage-bound, but you could just as likely be Breath-bound or Space-bound, as you have elements of inverses for each, and none overpower any of the others.

I'm still not entirely sure of your aspect; I could make an equal case for each of the three I pointed out. I almost feel as though I was not told something, so, I will leave the decision of your aspect entirely up to you. Your class took me a long time to narrow down, but I am convinced that if you are not a Maid, you may very likely be a Page instead.

For your consideration:

Maid of Breath

Maid of Rage

Maid of Space

Maids start off pushed around by others' view of their aspect, but eventually allow their aspect to heal, restore, and enhance themselves, making them into an entirely new person and purifying their aspect to themselves. They start out relying on others for their aspect or being told by others how to interact with their aspect. Their challenge is to listen to themselves instead of others, and to not let others opinions dilute their aspect as they restore it for themselves and allow it to make them into a new person.

Page of Breath

Page of Rage

Page of Space

Pages start unskilled in their aspect, learning how it works and how to use it to its full potential over time. In their many attempts to master their aspect, they teach others the value of their aspect, becoming an unintentional source of inspiration. Their challenge is to keep at it, learn from failure, and eventually master their aspect, being able to confidently provide their aspect to others.

I do apologize for the wait; I've been horribly sick and am only just now recovering enough to post this for you. Speaking of, if you'd like to follow up with me on this, you're more than welcome to! I'm certain with a bit more information I can point you in a more concrete direction than this, and I can't deny I'm intrigued by all the possibility you have. However, in the end, only you decide what fits.

[2n2n]

ch 109

we're going to have good funny times.....

thinking about popping everyone open like pezz dispenser (: maybe Tsukasa was just going to sleep in the big cage in assumption that he'd be brought out to the clockkeepers.... here he is, right where he wants to be!!

ugh its like a dream come true every other panel still... between them...!!! mirroring twins...!!! MOuuuuuu....!!

ugh shes so ... small ... n

the girls look at each other curiously......!

I'm very surprised the official documentation is using his real living name. He's almost always only No. 7 or Hanako in the professional sphere and I had the impression his 'real' name just wasn't relevant in this way to anyone, anymore ... even if they knew it. It's not as if this is a government affair, get out his ID... Amane himself looks kind of weirded out to hear it.

not so business title anymore....

of course, Akane already knows his identity (+the existence of a brother, named Tsukasa-- not that he'd know from this encounter that 'Tsukasa' is still around in the school or why) after the Severance, as Nene-chan had informed him of all of that:

♥

so pleasantly introducing himself. Amused you don't know him. I think Tsukasa enjoys his own ambiguity. But I like that, being given 'Tsukasa', Akane can fill in the rest. Right, the twin brother...

aida-sensei really enjoys drawing Tsukasa's pupils as different as can be lately, it is very moe....

meanwhile.... mr. bitch....

foosy foosy fussy hussy... it's too funny his response is to be like.. I DIDD'N DO ANYTHING...! huff...! wasting my precious valuable time, annoying....

thank you Akane for not trusting EITHER Nene-chan nor Tsukasa's possible testimony on Amane.... ♥

Amane getting his karma at last for being a gnasty fuck, GOD BLESS!!! you deserve this so much .... this arc is about Amane getting everything he's had coming to him.... wwwww I'm sorry, you didn't want your otouto to hear you talk like that? Hmmm... but you talk like that in front of Nene-chan all the time! So unfair, your brother should get to know all sides of you, too!

is it worsened x1000 that he has some history of clock tampering Tsukasa just earlier verbally remembered to him...?. it's a bad look Amane.... Tsukasa's innocent staring eyes, he's listening, he's adding this informations to his memory bank... forever and eternally ever... can't take this back.... become pervert brother... brother who wants to do erotic stuff.... Amane, you want to do erotic stuff? Ne? Amane? Amane, do you? What kind of stuff Amane ? Amane would do erotic stuff if time was frozen? Amane wants to have time powers for that? Hmm.. hm. hm. Informations processed into the Tsutsu

god amazing panel love it.... Nene-chan already knows, so the devastation is truly from Tsutsu hearing and commenting, isn't it?

I feel like Amane doesn't think about what he says ........ he gets so capricious and thoughtless .... there are consequences, Amane....

I was joking the other day with my husband, that... Amane's problem, is that neither Nene-chan nor Tsukasa have the 'full picture'. Nene-chan knows he is a pervert (as the one sexually harassed by him so often...), but doesn't really understand the depth of his mental problems, how dangerous he can be. Meanwhile, Tsukasa grasps the depth of Amane's mental problems and how dangerous he is, but has no experience with the pervert. So unfair!!

Truly, Amane will only find peace when all of his girls understand all of his heart.

I'm glad for both Amane getting to experience learning of this plan and I am glad for Tsukasa getting to once again observe Amane having interesting emotions. Another one for the bucket as well in my ongoing crusade to assert to people Tsukasa really is not jealous, he's just interested/curious in Amane's emotions. You wanna kiss? You wanna do erotic stuff? You like when she says that? I take in tha data.

he's a good and honest boy! he tells the truth! maybe when Amane wishes he wouldn't sometimes!

definitely my favorite page of the update, and my favorite addition to the canon.... ahhh!

I love how well this expresses the discrepancy in their characters, their thinking.... Amane, attempting to utilize the powers that exist, to modify the clock, to take control of something established... while Tsukasa wonders what would come of utterly destroying it.

I love Tsukasa having such a thought during his life, seeing Amane toil... it makes me wonder if he even knew of the mysteries then, or not; could he know of the implications of destroying it, or was it a simpler kind of fantasy? Tsukasa... has a side of him that is protective of others, defensive even.... when Mokke go after Amane in twitter doodles, Tsukasa tends to come to punish them. Seeing the clock torment Amane, I wonder if it made him resentful of it for disappointing Amane, for evading him, wasting his time... the clock certainly deserves to suffer for failing to amuse Amane, or help him, in his life. I hope it is serene and refreshing to at last get to disintegrate it. Tsukasa having fantasized about it for some time, makes how he revels in it and his particular mood during its destruction so cute ~~ must feel nice to spin its gears around his fingers and dance around on its corpse~~ la la la ~

so many reasons to be so pleased~~

kind of super relieved in Kako is just some sort of, automaton thang . construct. I'm interested in how Natsuhiko referred to the big clock as a kaii itself, so ... I wonder what No. 1 really 'is' at all?

I wonder what the inside of Mirai is like~

and I wonder what Amane and Teru are going to do about all of this! I'm glad Tsukasa has simplified the altercation. I kind of hope Kako himself is just out of the picture.. we could thin this cast out a little bit.

It's a very action-heavy chapter so I don't have much of depth to offer hehe, it gets like this some times... I'm glad we'll be having a bonus After-School Boy to munch on in just a couple weeks (the 28th?) >w<

[stevetown]

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth

Playtime: 59h 29m Completed: April 17, 2024

I put off writing this entry because I didn't want to admit to myself that I really did not care for Rebirth. Remake was my favorite game of the last decade, and I rarely get hyped for new titles nowadays, so to swallow the bitter pill and admit the last four years of hype were wasted...hurts.

It happened sometime around Costa Del Sol. After a lengthy chapter involving a card tournament, which itself was followed by a chapter whose climax hinges on a rhythm game parade segment, here was another chapter where you had to complete multiple required mini-games to get tickets to dress our favorite cast of destiny defiers for the beach. On its face, Rebirth should have been exactly what I was looking for. I love these characters so much that just hanging out at the game's equivalent of Atlantic City should have been an easy slam dunk for me. And there are good, if fleeting, character moments to be found here!

But at this point in the game, it became apparent there's no pathos and no forward momentum pulling the party forward other than "I guess we'll bumble around looking for black robed figures." It's a confusing approach to the middle chapter considering even the original was so clear about the stakes for each character and what they were after once they left Midgar. Remake was also so keen on engaging with our knowledge of the original's plot. "You can't fall in love with me" sent me reeling. Rebirth offers no such assurance that it knows nor cares about what's coming.

Emotional catharsis is nowhere to be found. Character moments like Barrett and Dyne's reunion and Red XIII's Cosmo Canyon homecoming are offensively brief, having little to no lead up and no follow through indicating those events had a lasting impact on anyone. The few beats where the game does take swings and add new material are almost never talked about amongst the cast, leading to narratively clashing moments that left us scratching our heads and screaming at the screen for anyone to talk about anything of importance. Whenever the game begins to build any kind of emotional crest, you can count on it falling short of a satisfying conversational resolution if it wasn't interrupted by Yuffie screaming about materia for the thousandth time this chapter.

It's not all bad. There's good stuff here with Cloud and Tifa's relationship. Vincent and Cid's character introductions are highlights that got some good belly laugh's and felt like old school Remake character magic. The second visit to the Gold Saucer got the waterworks going. The combat is more of the same, which is to say fairly good, but it's hard to keep all of the character play styles straight in your head and the Folio system is the worst character upgrade system since Final Fantasy II.

Then there's the climax, which I'm honestly too exhausted to get into. It's not that I hate the idea of what they're going for here, but during the moment where the game needed clarity the most it decided to muddle the message and leave us shrugging more than salivating for part III. It's clear this Final Fantasy VII remake experiment wants to have its cake and eat it too, offer titillating change and remain faithful to the original, but instead offers neither. I'm not left with confidence that Hamaguchi, Nomura and co. know how to wrap this up and deliver a satisfying conclusion to what they kicked off with aplomb and intrigue in Remake.

I did have fun with Rebirth! I put a lot of hours into it, despite the game's incessant efforts to make me hate it at almost every turn (I never want to hold down triangle for three seconds every time I need to do anything in the environment, thanks). There are good nuggets buried deep within the expansive nothingness that is the game's take on Ubisoft map design. But this is a game that is impressively all fat with little meat to chew on. Golden moments are spread too thin, not explored to satisfaction, and at worst become utterly confusing. I know in a year I'll still be pining for the last installment, which is more of a testament to how enduring these characters are than anything Rebrith itself did. I might as well see this through, but I'm left feeling disappointed that Square has shown this experiment to be what I wasn't looking for after all.

[anfie-in-the-box]

Dreamtale_Not_Found & Aftermare Week

Notes

Another difficult day, but once again I did it! And I do feel better already. Bend but never break.

As usual, minor spoilers for the main work — Dreamtale_Not_Found.

。。。

Neither fight nor flight

"so how're things with the villagers?" Geno asks with barely concealed worry. They rarely talk about Nightmare's troubles in Dreamtale, but when they do, there are always heartfelt words of reassurance and love at the end of their conversation. Geno's always had a way to see right through Nightmare, to know when he needs help the most.

Today isn't a bad day though. They sit together on the carpeted floor of Geno's room, chatting about everything and nothing when Geno just asks out of the blue. Surprised and perplexed, Nightmare answers, "Most got bored a long time ago, but that also means only the worst ones stayed; but you already know that. Why ask?" 

Geno looks at him, calmer than before, "i don't know. maybe i just anticipate good news?"

"You know what? I have no idea how you do it, but you're right again," Nightmare admits. "I think… I think I no longer care about them or what they do to me. It was a long journey, but I'm finally here. A few days ago Dream brought a piece of fabric and together we made a cape for me so I could go to the village unnoticed. Not because I'm afraid but simply so no one wastes my time."

Geno blushes bright red suddenly. 

"What?" Nightmare asks, alarmed. "Was it something I said?" 

Geno smiles widely and whispers, as if sharing a secret, "it suits you to feel so confident and strong." 

Nightmare pretends to be surprised (and not flustered, nu uh, no way) and exclaims, "So you're enamoured! Why, Geno, that's so sweet of you!" 

"quit teasing, i'm simply telling the truth; whose fault is it that you're so ethereal?" 

Embarrassed, Nightmare tries to change the topic, "Are we flirting or talking about my life?"

"flirting while talking about your life, especially when it's getting better," Geno grins. "any complaints?" 

"None whatsoever." Nightmare smiles in return and makes a hand heart. Geno pretends to shoot an arrow, and Nightmare falls on his back, gasping, "My heart!" They laugh and then stay comfortably silent for a few moments. 

Nightmare is the first to continue their conversation. "Today was actually the first day I tried the cape on and went to the village," he says, quietly. "Nobody cared for who was likely just another traveler. It was so… freeing. Exhilarating. I finally got to explore my own world." 

Moving closer to Nightmare, Geno murmurs, "you felt trapped all your life; you were trapped, the same as me." 

"Yet so differently," Nightmare adds.

The conversation ceases. Geno lies down close to Nightmare; their shoulders would be touching if Nightmare were tangible. They glance at each other, their eye-lights shining with fondness. Both can't help smiling; or at least Nightmare can't.

"you know what?" Geno suddenly asks. 

"What is it? Do tell." Nightmare looks at him, interested. 

"ever heard of the fight-or-flight response? don't answer, it's a rhetorical question. what i want to say is, you got to the stage where there's neither fight nor flight anymore. even before, at least for just a moment, you forgot all about those who hurt you so terribly. and now, they have no control over you at all. you're your own hero. you're stronger than them, and i said it already but will repeat it again — oh, how it suits you to feel confident and strong."

Nightmare hangs onto every word, enchanted with Geno's emotions — there's so much love, so much pride in his soul, it'd be impossible to ignore even if Nightmare wanted to.

"Neither fight nor flight… You're absolutely right," he whispers. "I love you so much. You're so very loveable; and, as you and Dream remind me, so am I. Let's not forget that."

"together."

"Yes. Together."

。。。

Credits

Undertale © Toby Fox

Nightmare!Sans © jokublog

Aftertale © loverofpiggies

Aftermare Week © @bluepallilworld

。。。

Notes

I had no ideas for either of the prompts, so I used both and neither at the same time, and it worked!

Take care 🌻

[alittlebitofeverything04]

New Drama Alert - Weak Hero Class 1 (Status: Finished)

Alright chat, let’s have a chat (haha, I’m sorry). So new post series alert. In this post, I’m going to rant about a kdrama all social media talks about when it comes to great dramas; Weak Hero Class 1. Just finished today since I got inspired by Study Group, a new drama I’ll post about later, and damn. Do I have to say, I was not disappointed. Expectations exceeded actually. Was actually bawling my eyes out a little bit ago, still kinda am, and just from that rare occurrence when watching a kdrama, an automatic 10/10 for me. But seriously, I need to rant about this show and its arcs, writing, just everything. So I’m not stop wasting time and yap to help cope with the emotional damage this show left me.

Weak Hero Class 1 Review

1. Introduction - Right from the start, Sieun slamming a book against someone was an amazing start to the series. Great hook, and great misleading character introduction for him. At least, that’s what you think when you first meet him after the intro. But another great this show does is the set up. As this little crash out was just gonna be pay off for the character arc later. And gosh, what genius writing. Also introducing my favorite, Suho, another misleading character intro as we see him sleeping in class and not caring about school. Even though it is using the typical kdrama bully trope, the show finds a way to make it fresh and not feel repetitive in future episodes. Great setup and great introduction again.

2. Writing - Again, let me glaze, but the writing in this show is incredible. One of the best I’ve seen in kdrama so far. This show excels in emotional writing and relationship writing that makes the audience feel attached to these characters while also making each character feel unique with their own personality. Hell, sometimes even the villains get a bit of the spotlight, even if they are just obstacles and setup for future characters. But, another thing I love is how everyone in this show is gray, morally wise. No one here is 100% good nor bad, their home lives and past setting up to make them understandable but not excusable from their actions later on. How it shows and poses questions of what it means to take it too far, how much pain you can take before you say enough and that just because you were hurt doesn’t make it right to dish it out on others, especially your friends. So when our favorite characters does something bad, we of course shout at them no but we understand why they’re doing it. All around, fantastic writing as it takes such a tired out and simple bully concept and finds a way to tell an engaging story about insecurity, pain, and morally questionable themes.

3. Characters - By god, have I never felt so horrible for such a set of characters. Like please, give my boys a break. Especially for Beomseok. And now, I’m going to defend my boy since I’ve been seeing a lot of hate for the character. Now, what he did was inexcusable, terrible. I’m denying that and neither is anyone else in the show. It’s goes back to one of my praises about the show; accountability for its characters. Both from the law and the characters themselves. Beomseok is someone not introduced till episode 2, and we see him as a very shy, quiet kid who keeps to himself. Or at least tries to till the bullies get a hold of him and start pushing the kid around like they did Sieun. But when Suho and Sieun come to his rescue, he still feels hesitant to hang around them, till Suho starts making him feel welcomed and part of the group. Then, they get into some trouble with a gang and Beomseok’s first choice is to just pay the money and get it over with. But his friends say they wanna catch him and lock him up for good, and we see him fighting back against it. Now, the audience may start to see him as a coward and they’re right. I did at this point, even when he goes back on their plan to just give them money, especially if it meant that Suho’s life was at stake. Then, the trio get into trouble, Suho and him get taken, and now they’ve beaten the gang leader and got him thrown in jail along with his associates. Still, Beomseok doesn’t too thrilled about it, and we see why when he gets home to his father who finds out the news and pays the police to keep it under wraps. And, sensitive content, but the little moment of just the punishment his piece of shit father gives him changes everything we know about Beomseok’s character. The complete perspective shift was well done and jarring to saw the least. Now we as an audience understand why he’s the way he is. He’s not a coward, he’s terrified of his father finding out and beating him for trying to make things right. For bringing attention to himself when his father told him to stay low. How he’s practically opposed to making friends or having people know him in fear of his father. So when he goes off the rails, does the bad shit, betrays his friends when he gets a moment of revenge against his bullies from the same people who bullied him, he feels accepted, completely buying into the venom the other bullies spilled about him being Suho’s gofer.

Also wanna talk about people saying ‘All this over Suho not following him on Insta.’ It wasn’t about the Insta following, it was about Beomseok’s insecurity getting the best of him and telling him that Suho was looking down on him and didn’t think he was good enough to follow him back. Remember, Beomseok’s character is all about impressions, how people view him. The first person to ever notice him didn’t bully him and actually treated him like a friend. So when, he doesn’t see that he followed him, but he followed a girl and was paying more attention to her after just barely meeting her, the thoughts in head started to spill lies. I can relate to him in that, but of course, I didn’t nearly kill anyone over this. But Beomseok’s character was a ticking time bomb. The kid was bullied so much that he had to transfer and get therapy for it, starts gettig bullied at his new school about it, then if he tries to ask his father for help, he’ll just get beaten for it. He’s abused everywhere, no wonder the kid went off the rails when given the chance. All the years of abuse, emotional degradation and self-hatred pilling on with no support or outlet, Beomseok finally snapped. Kids like him unfortunately sometimes go down this path as they feel some sense of control and validation through putting down others. He unironically became the people that treated him like shit, that pushed him down his path. His character really is the saying ‘Hurt people hurt people.’ But when he sees Suho not moving, the fog over his brain lifts and he sees through the glass clearly. And the way he breaks, everything crumbling around him was just heartbreaking. At the end of the day, he was a kid who needed proper reassurance, as all of this was due to miscommunication, insecurity and harsh reality.

But another character I wanted to rant about was Sieun and his fantastic character arc. How he went from the quiet boy to total badass was greatly written. It’s first established how smart he is, shown by how he’d rather study than talk to people and how great his grades are. I love this also goes into his personality and what makes him tick, as his parents have never really paid attention to him, not even his academic accomplishments. So he’s like, what’s the point in trying to make friends since no one really cares for me or what I’ve accomplished? Then Suho shows up and throws all that out the window. Suho was the first person in his life to really care for him, regardless of his grades or not. His first ever friend. Someone that stayed even when he tried to push him away. So when Suho nearly dies, his friend who cared for him and fought for him, he breaks. He crashes out and goes to get revenge just Suho would do for him. Taking what he learned from him to strike fear into the bullies and make them pay for they did. Really and truly this time. I love how it shows that while Sieun may not have the fighting skills that Suho does, he’s damn smart enough to make up for it. Using the environment and his smarts to his advantage when it comes to fight was such an ingenious way of making strong without making him a copy of Suho. It made his fighting style unique and in the ending episode, shows how he combined his knowledge with his fighting that gave him the under hand and victory against even an experienced UFC fighter. The arc of him standing up for himself and not being closed off anymore makes him one of the best kdrama characters in the genre. Of course, Suho was amazing as well, acting like a sort of shield and guardian for the others, even apologizing and trying to make Beomseok see reason after what Sieun tells him. That understanding someone and what they’re going through can make a difference. Let’s just pray that he wakes up next season.

4. Acting - Phenomenal. Absolutely brilliant. Brought me to tears, laughter, anger, all the emotions. The 7th episode was enough to make me bawl on its own. Just from the amazing chemistry between and them really getting the audience to be invested in their characters and relationships so when the emotional stuff happens, you feel the distraught emotions they feel as well. They made it feel so real and so fun to watch and I couldn’t be more happy with the cast they’ve presented to use today.

Overall, this show was a fantastic watch. One of the best shows, just in general, that I’ve ever watched. The story and writing make it engaging from the start and find a way to use a simple concept and make it exciting with new obstacles and writing that keep the audience hooked. If not the writing, then the characters themselves are enough to make you feel like part of the gang and cry with them when it all goes to hell. Highly recommend and give this one a try if you have time. But that does it for me, hope enjoyed this longgg ass tangent. Just had to get it off my list since it was so good.

Until next time, bye!

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi. I have been reading your posts lately and got so much inspired. It was helping and suddenly it feels like I'm back to square 1. Also this boy I'm talking to online, he's literally a red flag with insecurities, defensive,kinda misogynist,andrew Tate's fan etc., and we had so many senseless arguments because he thinks I have opinions on everything,one time he called me dumb, useless, lame, a waste of time and that's bad so I thought he hated me. But 2 days back he was telling how he always liked me and he thinks I'm cute and he likes talking to me,like how is it possible like we have had arguments everytime we talked immediately after that he said he thinks I'm hot and he touches himself thinking about me. Like wth, like for some reason I'm attracted to him so I'm still talking to him. I don't like this. It feels like I'm going off track. And it's been distracting, his words. I don't know what to do. Feel so helpless. I have an important exam in 2 months, it's literally life and death for me. And I don't feel motivated. My brain is all scrambled it seems to me.

Hi!

I want to emphasize the importance of taking care of your well-being and mental health. It's concerning to hear that the person you've been talking to online displays some red flags such as insecurity, defensiveness, and misogynistic views. It's crucial to remember that you deserve respect, kindness, and support in your relationships. Engaging in constant arguments and being subjected to derogatory comments is neither healthy nor productive.

I would strongly encourage you to reconsider your involvement with this person. It's not healthy to continue talking to someone who disrespects you and makes you feel helpless. You are not even dating this person, and there is already conflict. Conflict which shouldn't exist considering we date people because we have some level of compatibility. I think you might be addicted to the highs and lows, the challenge of the situation as a whole. Maybe even the attention they give you. The fact that he goes back and fourth from arguing to complimenting you in a sexual manner shows that he is not a great guy. A man, especially a man who is just starting to court you should not be sexualizing you and as a woman who would be interested in a romantic scenario would not allow disrespect from a man who she barely knows.

It's important to recognize that words can have a powerful impact on our emotions and self-esteem. When someone repeatedly puts you down or makes derogatory comments, it's natural to feel hurt, confused, and even distracted. But it is also important to remember that no one good for us is going to serve as a distraction. And someone who takes your focus from your own goals and studies, is doing just that. There is no added value or benefit in this scenario for you. No one who likes you is going to put you down, criticize you or do anything to risk their chances with you.

Be kind to yourself. It's normal to feel off-track and overwhelmed at times. Remember that setbacks are part of life, but what matters is how we respond to them. Take one step at a time and trust in your own resilience to overcome challenges.

Wishing you the best of luck with your exam and a brighter, more positive future ahead!

[ellestra]

Better without action scenes

I waited a week to write down my thoughts about the Secret Invasion and I'm still not sure what they are. There were moments when I almost liked the show but then they were instantly squandered by some baffling and incomprehensible decisions.

It's one of those shows so hellbent on keeping its viewers guessing it becomes impossible to either track or care what is happening.

Peple concentrate on the things like bad CGI or boring fights but the truth is bad special effects never really stop people from engaging with a story (see Doctor Who or puppet shows). You will suspend disbelief if you want as long as the story is engaging enough. As long as you follow emotional journeys and plotlines. When they become all scrambled by trying to shock the viewer it all falls apart.

MCU uses to be really good at remembering that but recently they are slacking. It becomes an exercises of going from one cool idea to another cool idea but the connection between them seems to drawn by crayons.

Like everything between Fury and his wife was great. The history between them, the love, the hurt, the distrust and the longing was played beautifully and it was easy to believe it was always there throughout MCU even if we saw her the first time in second episode of this series.

Same with Talos when you can feel both the decade long friendship and all the times it failed. And generally a lot of word battles work great Fury with Rhodey and with Grvik and with Sonia (even if the final one is undermined by it not being Fury there).

But then you have everything that fails and most of it is plot. The need to keep us guessing leads to lack of proper set up of many of the plot points and then half of them is just dropped or leads to nothing. Like Skrull Council was pointless, so was New Skrullos, and so were the deaths in the end. The show introduces characters that seem important but they get couple of scenes that were so underwhelming you ask why even waste time on them - Pagan, Beto, Sonya's boss (what a waste of Tony Curran - again) etc.

What was the point of the rebellion against Gravik beside death of all those Skrulls he recruited? I'm sure the idea was something about him also selling false promises and then disposing of people he used just like he says Fury does but the show did absolutely nothing to sell it. Also the whole plan of killing 8 billion people so 1 (one!) million Skrulls have somewhere to live is ridiculous. Just like there being no other place in universe for them. One million is so little. With Superskrulls they could've just find themselves their own Knowhere.

It's worst with G'iah who is so enigmatic a character and the show tries to keep so many things about her in the is she or isn't she limbo there is no real sense of why she does anything. She seems to be close to Gravik but also not. She switches side to work for her father again but doesn't believe in him (she's right - his plan is one a teenager would thought out not a gown man who saw how humanity reacts to refugees for decades). She dies, she lives, she gets superpowers and the most reaction we get to all of it is when she is with Priscilla. Both her parents are dead. Everyone she believed in failed her and you can barely tell what she thinks about it. Or what she wants. She's just there. And I'm not blaming Emilia Clarke for it. I blame the show for trying to hide so much about her she ends up with no character at all.

They try to shock us with death of important characters like 4-5 times (Rhodey doesn't really count I suppose) with like half of those being fake out but instead of being shocked I ended up being just angry. Neither loss of Maria Hill nor Talos really did that much to make the story more poignant. It didn't even do that much for Fury's character development (his talks to Varra were much better at this). It all just left bad taste in my mouth. And the constant so who is really dead dead didn't help either. And the show doesn't properly emotionally engage with those deaths so neither do ewe as viewers.

For me the most ridiculous isn't the big battle but when Fury changes clothes in the mausoleum. It supposed to be this badass moment of him regaining his mojo or something but it just underwhelming. Like the whole show.

The less said about Ritson the better.

In the end my favourite parts where the ones with Olivia Coleman. This show justified its existence by introducing Sonya Falsworth and I'm actually looking forward to her and G'iah working together in the future.

[spoonyglitteraunt]

This is a vent post. Because no-one I usually go to with this stuff is currently awake. So not tagging it and will likely delete it come later today. But I need to put this somewhere lest it builds up more. So you all get to ride this emo train with me.

Just. If medical anxiety, cancer scare, fears around parental death and existential dread for the future are things you can't deal with right now feel free to skip. I don't blame you. I wish I could skip this.

I'm scared. Plain and simple. I'm scared.

My dad has been having episodes of peeing blood and he's finally getting it checked out. Last week he had a scan and they found something. They just don't know what since those scans don't do well with empty organs. They just have a rough size estimate of somewhere between 3 to 9mm. So in a few hours he has an exam to stick a camera up there and go see what's up.

And I'm scared.

I'd been oddly, surprisingly, uncharacteristically chill about it all week. Really not my usual. I was all, no need to stress, chances are it's just a polyp and even if it's not it's not big right? (No I have no concept of what are usual sizes of the T word are and looking it up now would be an extremely bad, no good, terrible idea.) But where I was chill all week, I'm not so much now. As in not at all actually.

It wasn't bad throughout the day, but once night fell it got progressively worse by the hour. While playing a game to distract myself it was still manageable, but once in the dark, trying to sleep, and nothing to focus on. Yeah chill is so far removed from what I am now that it's in another universe entirely. So far it's 7am and no sleep was had. Don't know if I'll get any. I should, because if it's bad news I also won't get any sleep after. But mind is not having it. And the aforementioned no one to talk to doesn't help.

All the fears, all the existential dread. All the everything. Because pitiable as it sounds with how my life has gone he's my rock. My emotional support. He is the one semi functioning cog in this broken down household of a health issues collectathon. And well, my parents are all I have.

It feels like we were finally starting on making some preparation for the future. Starting being the operative word there. As I'm the greyest of grey zones no one knows how to help other than passing the buck. And now I fear it will become a trial by fire as so much of my life has already been. And I'm still as fire proof as dry straw.

Where a few days ago I almost felt like it would be ok. That we'd sort things out, and make plans, and I'd learn. Learn to somehow take care of myself despite everything. Somehow. Figure it all out by the time I'd need it. Somehow. Now I'm right back to feeling small. Small and helpless. And I hate it.

I can't help wondering if I was fooling myself. That I'm just destined to end up bounced around from hospital to hospital to a retirement home, because there are just are no accomodations for people like me. The fact I've once spent five weeks in a hospital room with someone like that. Someone like me, who'd been forced to live exist like that and was pretty much left to waste away. Forever told no one knew what to do with her and she neither belonged nor had a place anywhere. Someone who... well who knows if she's even still alive today. It does not help these fears.

So yeah having a bit of an anxiety meltdown and I can't even go to my parents, which is usually the hack to wrangle the panic demons under control, because they have their own fears without me adding to it. It's just so much.

And I'm scared.

I know all the sayings. All the wisdom. About how worrying about something is putting yourself through it twice. And how stress isn't bad it's just a way for your body to deal with challenges. How you need to stay away from what ifs and only deal with stuff you know. All the grounding and breathing exercises. All the stay in the now stuff. All the advice. But guess how many of those are working right now when I'm posting this ramble online.

You know. Sometimes I envy those of you who believe in a god or a sentient universe or whatever. Because it would be really nice right now to think there was something out there I could appeal to to give us more time. Something I could tell, well listen, buddy. Whoever might be up, or down, or triple sideways loop the loop style out there somewhere. I'm not saying we won't still have to have a talk when I arrive wherever, but if you make sure it isn't bad news, idk. Just keep a receipt or something, and I will probably go from very pissed, to strongly worded letter, maybe even begrudging acceptance, when we do get round to that talk.

It would be nice.

But I don't.

So you all got this vent instead.

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

☔ Raven

🌟 Malou

🍺 Evan

🌜 Willow

💃 Adrian

🐁 Dalton

📙 Andy

Thank you very much :D I'll do something I haven't done in quite a while, let them answer in person:

For a heavy, emotional secret. Raven: *Sighs heavily* Some men blood related to me, and not far down the blood line, abused me for many years. I had a sort of *hesitates* amnesia, it uh... I didn't remember till one of the perpetrators told me a while back. I wish I was still oblivious. I'm honestly not coping quite as well as I make it seem.

For a secret wish or desire of theirs Malou: *Chuckles awkwardly* well... *chuckles again* last year someone returned to my life. Someone I've been in love with since we were.... kids. Uhm yeah, he's a bit of a mess, and not good at answering on Facebook, but... he's both my secret wish, and desire.

For something bad/mischievous you did as a child or teen that your parents don’t know about Evan: *Chuckles deeply* once Andy, Daniel and I stole my dads brand new very expensive bottle of Vodka, drank it all, got really wasted, wanted to go to a party, but we didn't have money for neither more booze, nor cigarettes, so I called my brother Alex, asking if we could sell him a bottle of Vodka cause we bought the wrong alcohol, but already opened the bottle, so couldn't return it, however he could get it half price. He said yes *chuckles again* so we filled the empty bottle with water, and sold it to him. We got our booze and cigarettes, but I also paid later with a very large bruise on my upper arm after Alex found out he paid almost 70 bucks for water*chuckles*

For a ‘weird’ habit or tic that no one knows about Willow: *Snorts* I'm a pretty open book to be fair, so I dunno if there's anything I do that no one knows of? Well maybe there is, but not like it's because I keep it as a secret, maybe more the fact that I live alone, and I suppose I do stuff in my own home all the time that no one witnesses? Hm.... I eat Tabasco on wine gums when I watch pro wrestling, I dunno if that's considered a weird habit? Anyway, *shrugs* no one knows abut this cause I watch wrestling alone, since I don't know anyone who wants to watch it with me. Wusses *laughs loud and hoarsely*

For a talent that they like to keep hidden from others Adrian: *Annoyed sigh* I have 3 talents... 4.... which I don't really share with people, unless they are really close to me. It's not secrets, it's just... *shrugs*.... private. I'm private. I paint and draw, I play guitar, I sing, and I cook. All 4 fairly well. But I keep it mostly to myself, cause if others know, it always leads to some sort of social escapade, such as 'sing for me!'. *Frowns*

For a secret item they keep (stuffed animal, comfort object, etc) Dalton: Uhm *chuckles deeply* that's kinda sort of embarrassing *cheeky grin*... I'd rather not tell *chuckles more shyly* I have this lock of Malou's hair, I keep in my wallet, to always have a part of her with me, wherever I go when she can't join me. It sort of grounds me in a sense.

For a secret journal/diary they keep (Bonus: Share an entry from it!) Andy: *Cheeky hoarse chuckle* Who says I have a secret diary? I mean I have *chuckles cheekily* but who said it? *Cheeky smirk* ......... you're serious? *Chuckles more awkward this time, then reaches under his bed, dragging out a small dark brown leather bound journal, flipping a bit through it* .... alright *short chuckle* this is so fucking cringe man, I don't exactly expect someone to fucking read this yanno? *Chuckle* Uhm... okay... so this I wrote a while ago, but like within this month I think, there's not a date on everything... uhm yeah... *Starts reading the entry*

We learned to kiss silently Reaching into old fears Swallowed by this convenient illusion Selling canned dreams to bystanders And after all this pain After the smog clears You're still my favorite colors.