#neil fits too many of these
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#does this even make sense#neil fits too many of these#all for the game#aftg#andrew minyard#aaron minyard#neil josten#david wymack#nicky hemmick#kevin day#aftg renee#jeremy knox
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I’d just like to say, I love that you make jelly Neil have it/its pronouns, even if it’s just because it doesn’t really know what gender is. I myself would love to use it/its as an agender person. but people around me definitely wouldn't understand or just wouldn’t because it’s dehumanizing in their eyes, so having a character I love use those pronouns and people respecting it is really nice for me to see. Thank you so much for doing that, you make me happy every time I see a jelly Neil drawing from you!
🥹 this makes me v happy to hear ahh I get a surge of love for anyone that's replied to it/its→it/he jellyNeil with anything along these lines. Excited to post more mers very soon hehe
#jellyneil knows what it wants and it is flexible ✨#probably in. many ways#considering real jellyfish do not have bones#Neil has what. cartilage skeleton??#definitely a scare sometime about Neil getting stuck in one of its sleeping dens#like that space is TOO small to fit the whole jelly’s body#but Neil wakes up and just. shimmies and pops right out#rested and blissfully unaware of the panic he just caused lmao#jellyfish bones are a source of constant curiosity and also ‘dear god what is wrong with you’ for Aaron#probably 😂#anyway#not art sorry guys#asks#mer au
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it’s fascinating, i’m seeing some other people on here, and some people in my personal life, comparing edwin from dead boy detectives to aziraphale, and charles to crowley.
i have to disagree; i think those comparisons should be swapped. although edwin may be prim and mildly fussy—the bow tie alone is enough to make a compelling case for his relation to aziraphale—i have evidence to suggest the contrary:
edwin is the one to confess. ironic that he is escaping from hell instead of going to heaven in this case.
charles’ “we have the rest of our existence to figure out what that means” is a nicer, more hopefully equivalent of “you go too fast for me.”
there’s more to this i might develop later. tbd.
#dead boy detectives#good omens#can you tell i just finished writing a final paper on neil gaiman#there’s too many thoughts in my head that would not have fit the criteria#it’s also too late to be awake#take my half-baked sleepless thoughts
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dead boy detectives is a good show and i hope it gets a second season but i still don't forgive it for how they pronounced "u-dub"
#also didn't the trailer neil posted have death in it. was that a deleted scene or what#were there just too many black women with fabulous hair to fit in another one#futuresoon talks about dead boy detectives
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hey so who is ready for jerejean to maybe be canon but also not be endgame? cause like, I keep thinking about that as a possibility :)
#my posts#like I just think that man those two are sorta a mess#and Neil and Andrew fit together because their broken pieces fit somehow even though they were also both a mess#but I wonder if that's the case for jeremy and jean?#I keep thinking about the fact that Jean just got out of the nest and he's so broken#and Jeremy is so so good but has so many issues he is simply NOT dealing with!!!#and how those are two very different trajectories that may not exactly line up#even if they do help each other for a moment in time#I wonder if it won't also be the end of them too#tsc#aftg#jerejean#jeremy knox#jean moreau
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Sometimes I am very gay and attracted to women, and that makes me question my ace-spec and aro-spec-ness, and then I remember that I can't feel romantic attraction to someone unless I know them really well and my sexual attraction is very hit or miss even when I'm not on mood-altering medications!
#sometimes i question the gay thing because of the gray ace and demiro thing but then i just remember#amanda seyfried (so pretty so hot omg) and the only people ive felt romantically attracted to (2 people) and the light crushes (2 more)#also kill the cop inside your head if a lable isnt perfect then who cares.#too many people online care too much about perfectly fitting boxes and checking every thing if you want to use a lable#this isnt the fuxking doctors office where one symptom is life or death its just words put to concepts and feelings.#there will ALWAYS be margin for error so no one cares actually! be gay and have an exception person or two#just say queer and not care! or use 20 labels if you want! but it doesnt matter and that's what i tell myself at the end of the day#anyways about to start reading american gods by neil gaiman. hope i like it!
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Imagine being poor Wymack for a moment.
You get Neil Josten in a total of eight fits. He refuses to get more clothes. Your team has to trick, drag or torment him into purchasing clothing. Your saving grace is Andrew Minyard who you’re pretty sure is just buying clothes for the boy to stare at him. You will not complain because at least he’s getting clothes.
Jean Moreau is dropped on your girlfriend’s doorstep by one of your many children that come from mob backgrounds. He too has a closet that you could fit in a child’s backpack. You refuse to deal with this one. This is a Trojan problem.
And a year prior you got Kevin Day. Who came with who knows how many outfits. Probably like two or less. He at least seems to enjoy shopping.
You are worried for these mob children and their lack of extra pants.
#aftg#jean moreau#andrew minyard#tsc#kevin day#neil josten#seriously. he’s already gone through this twice by the time he gets Jean for a hot minute.#no wonder he sends him with money to get MORE FUCKING PANTS
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Sal Fisher hates summer.
He hates the gross humidity that manifests under his prosthetic, he hates wearing short sleeves and having his scars on display, not that anyone’s really looking, though. They’re always far too focused on his face.
Except for her. There’s always been something so different about y/n from the moment Larry introduced her to Sal.
“Nice prosthetic” was the first two words she said to him, flashing him a huge grin. Without realising, Sal had already begun the usual “it’s actually a prosthetic” before he caught on to what she had said.
“Oh. How did you know? Did Larry tell you?”
“Actually, my dad had a prosthetic eye, and used to work at the hospital where they fitted them, as well as other prosthetics. I used to work there during the summer, before…”
She had trailed off, looking thoughtful, and slightly sad. Larry was quick to revive the conversation about how y/n had worked part time in so many odd places, including a power plant, a pen factory and a fancy lake resort near Nockfell , which was where they were now.
Y/n was sitting beside Sal on the beach towel, facing her head towards the sun and trying to catch her breath after returning from the lake where Larry, Ashley, Todd and Neil were swimming and chatting loudly.
After a few minutes, she turned to face Sal. “You sure you don’t want to swim? Even just for a bit?”
He shook his head, muttering something about getting his prosthetic damaged by the water.
“Well, okay then. I’ll keep you company.”
Despite Sal adamantly saying that he was fine on his own, and besides, watching Larry try swim is enough entertainment as is, y/n dutifully stayed beside him and read her book, occasionally talking to Sal about something school or ghost related.
Sal Fisher hates summer.
But maybe just a bit less when she’s around.
Note:
Short and sweet, I’ll probably edit this later on but I had to finish it . Possible part two, I kinda want to make this a series. Requests open, btw <3
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Thank you for maintaining boundaries
I am extremely happy that so many of you are enthusiastic Good Omens fans. It is wonderful that this delightful book by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman has touched so many hearts, and it is wonderful that everyone loves the show.
However...
I can't read fanfic.
I can't look at fan art.
I did not secure rights to the Good Omens adaptation with my wicked cartoonist wiles. I was approached by Pratchett/Gaiman about doing the adaptation a year ago.
I am not the boss.
Everything I do goes through an approval process.
Everything I do is BOOK based, not SHOW based.
In order to keep my head clear, I haven't even been able to watch the show for months and months. Which is sad, because I love it, and during COVID it kept me very happy. I watched it dozens of times.
I know how personal head canon can affect memories of a beloved book or show. I cannot possibly satisfy everyone's head canon.
I'm not going to try to.
I have to continually check and recheck what The Book says about each scene to make sure I'm not straying too far from the source.
I make what I consider to be only minor changes re: acting and staging so that a scene may work better in the static comic art medium. I make cuts where necessary to fit the format. I make only the most minor dialogue changes.
All of this means a lot that is in the show is not in the book because it wasn't in the book in the first place.
I am not the boss.
Everything I do goes through an approval process.
I can't look at fanfic or fanart.
I do appreciate your enthusiasm and love.
I'm going back to work.
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what's mine — ellie williams.
summary: the day you left for this assignment, ellie remembers thinking it would be okay— or maybe it was you who said it, your hands over her tense shoulders, her fingers tugging at your shirt, “you’ll be okay.” she goes home and knows it to be true, like words from a god. she’ll be okay and you’ll be back. what’s left to do but count the hours?
warnings: descriptions of violence (not very detailed), suggestive content near the end!
notes: uhhh i love being dramatic and i think it shows here. all i think about is the action of coming home to someone who loves you and how it is as meaningful now as it was a thousand years ago and as it will be in a hundred years but whatever haha sorry about that guys. if you read this i love you btw
don't support zionist neil druckmann.
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・。.・゜✧・. ────
Being without Ellie is disorienting. The first week feels like walking alone in a dark room, feeling the walls for a light switch, running into sharp corners that stab your sides. You miss her like it's a sickness, less a longing and more a threat to whatever you’re made of.
There's a small community way outside of Jackson offering a trade. Maria makes it sound simple, like everything else. “They know us, it’ll be quick. You pick up the supplies, drop off our part of the deal, and come back.”
It takes 26 days. The exchange is simple but the journey less so, you and three others have to carry home the much needed medical supplies through herds of infected and a heavy storm that slows you down and cuts off your communication for three terrifying nights.
Ellie wanders the house and feels like a stranger, sickly, a sleepless corpse searching for living blood. The light coming through the windows feels too bright and her skin abnormally cold. She knows, or thinks, that if she’s not careful she could get lost in it— merge every wall together until there’s nothing left to see but a stark flatness, an unfamiliar box. The space is not huge. It's not a tall castle or a manor in the countryside or anything fitting to the theatricality of loneliness, but it’s your home. So much of you is in it. Ellie finds herself focusing on a different thing each passing day, clinging to them with a nauseating desperation, a hundred random pieces of you scattered like breadcrumbs to keep her sane. A book with a folded corner somewhere along the first half of the story, your favorite mug next to the sink, an old pair of jeans ripped at the knee on your side of the drawer. Too many things for you not to come back.
“Do you think I'm losing my mind?” she asks, a soft wrinkle between her furrowed brows, her eyes focused on a random spot ahead. “I mean, it’s been two weeks,” she’s trying to sound like it's not as bad as it looks, like she finds any of it funny or interesting instead of plainly horrifying. The sole of her shoes hits the floor in an anxious rhythm, mocking her— tap, tap, tap, tap. “Isn’t that fucked up?”
Dina curses at the lighter until it flickers back to life with a weak orange flame, holding it near the end of the half finished blunt. She inhales and passes it over, breathing out, “You’re not crazy.”
A pause. Ellie lets the comment comfort her for a single second before it flies right through her head, sounding more quiet than usual when she admits, “...I have this feeling like someone took something from me.”
Dina raises her eyebrows, her chuckle cut off by a short cough, smoke itching her throat. “You mean, like… what’s her name?” she squints her eyes and tries to remember.
The name worms around Ellie’s head like it has been for days, bold letters, clear as day. She makes no attempt to let it pass through her lips, self aware and unrelenting at the same time, maybe finding some indefensible satisfaction in the fact that it can be forgotten. Cruel, you'd tease, and Ellie would smirk a lot like she tries not to now.
Dina gives up a second later, “Whatever— the girl that volunteered to go with them before you could. You're blaming her?”
“I guess.”
“Hm. That’s a little…”
“Don’t say crazy—”
“Crazy.”
“Fuck you,” she rolls her eyes. “It’s not like that.”
“So you’re not jealous?”
Ellie scoffs, tongue pressed against the inside of her cheek. Dina argues unlike anyone else. She’s confident, her goal clear and her strategy already lined up before you get a word in, loaded like a gun. But her strongest contender, perhaps the only one, might be Ellie’s simple stubbornness. “I’m concerned. She got picked over me even though I've studied that route a hundred fucking times. I could've done a better job,” she says, steady and tireless like bulletproof glass.
“At getting the supplies or at taking care of your girlfriend?”
“You’re starting to sound like Maria.”
Dina pauses for a short moment before she shrugs. “Maria makes good points.”
Ellie takes one last hit of the blunt and flicks it across the room to die out somewhere on the permanently damp floor. She tries to believe it. No one took you, she thinks, you left dutifully like anyone else in Jackson would've, like Ellie would've. It’s a dangerous trip but a job like any other, the same risk of deadly infection that comes with any of them. She should be used to it by now. Does it not also exist every other day of the year?
Still, she can't remember the last time she didn't see your face for this long. You’ve been dating for a little over three years, living together for half of that— it's a terrifyingly meaningful chunk of your young lives, months and months of seeing you everyday, of falling asleep with her face on the crook of your neck and waking up with your fingers pressing into her waist. You've built a world where things like this don’t happen, where all Ellie can think about as she leaves home is the way you hum in the mornings, soft and sleepy and so fucking cute, when you wake up to her back against your chest and her hair on your face. She thinks about her own laugh, how shy it sounds, how your lips press to her head before she turns around to claim a proper kiss.
But now you’re not here, and she’s too terrified to even utter the words out loud, and there's a hole in her chest where you should be that makes her feel insane everywhere she goes. It's an open wound leaving a hazardous trail of shame and memories, humming in her ears like a boiling kettle, who took what's mine?
Ellie has never considered herself to be the jealous type, but she never was the type to sleep with her back turned to someone this comfortably, either. It’s different with you. It's theatricality, it’s the coldness of that bed at night, it’s your legs tangled with hers like growing roots now disjointed. It’s a thing, breathing and alive, screaming at nothing— I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
Is that girl you went with hanging from your every word in that way she always does? Is that a shameful thought to have? Ellie wipes it clean in a second and finds it immediately there again, at the front of her mind like a message on a cloudy mirror. She can't think about anything else. Is the storm keeping the two of you awake? Does a part of you find the girl brave for volunteering? Is she turning to look at you and asking, just loud enough, are you asleep? That fall earlier was rough, how are you feeling? Is she looking at your wounds like they matter more than doing a good job? Is your blood, warm and red and yours, on her hands now?
The last of the smoke spills past her lips in a sigh. Ellie pulls her knees closer to her chest and tugs at the loose thread on your ripped jeans.
─────✧・゚: *✧・
There’s a comfortable weight that keeps you under, the loving press of her arm resting over your chest, her thumb brushing your chin. The sun feels warm where it’s draped across Ellie’s back, white tank top wrinkled slightly up her waist.
She watches you until you let out a little sigh, squint one eye open and then slowly the next, a smile stretching your lips as soon as your sight focuses on her. She looks beautiful. She looks just like she did before you left, your girl.
It’s weird— you’ve showered, scrubbed your hands clean and raw, changed clothes. And still you feel like you’ve brought in something dirty, like it’ll be stuck on you for a while, the grime, the guns, the storm. Your muddy shoes must still be sitting by the front door. Something in your head screams that you should get rid of them, burn them like an evidence of guilt. Do you look anything like you did before you left? You feel like a worn version of yourself, sticky and darkened. It’s a ridiculous worry to have, but the thought comes hand in hand with embarrassment and you can feel it crawling up your neck. You cover your face with your hands and groan tiredly, shy.
Ellie laughs, warm like musk, salve on a wound.
"Are you watching me sleep?" you mutter, voice ridden with exhaustion and joy all at once. The thing, love, obsession, both— breathes along with you. "Freak."
"Yeah, I was,” she shifts to sit on your lap, one knee on either side of you, spilling her confession easily. Ellie leans over to push your hands away from your face and press her lips to yours, passionate but short lived, still softly brushing against each other when she says, "I missed this face."
You chuckle, eyes tracing over her freckled cheeks, hands squeezing her thighs, feeling strangely like you’re being washed clean. “I missed you.”
Ellie closes her eyes and rests her forehead against yours, her fingers caressing your cheeks, looking at you again when her thumb brushes against the ridge of a scar. It’s a warped line that almost follows the shape of your cheekbone, from your hairline to somewhere near the corner of your lips. She'd seen it last night, nauseous with worry and relief to have you back, her vision clouded. The morning reveals it in a different, heartbreaking light. It’s okay, you’d said during the night, your hands on either side of her face much like hers are on you now, didn't even need stitches. Ellie tries to let that sink in, make the guilt feel any better. But it can't. Maybe you’d been saved the prick of a needle, but she knows it still hurt, she knows it bled and stung. It feels like a betrayal. If I can't save you the pain, she thinks, I owe you the witnessing, the chance to clean its wry edges, pat it dry. "How'd you get this one?" she asks, as softly as she can.
You’d been prepared for the question but not the devastation in her eyes. It falls over you like a ton of bricks, her love making your chest ache and sinking you back into the memory.
There was an empty house, or what looked like one. Pieces of broken glass scattered over the rotting wood of an old, wobbly table. A man's hand placed forcefully on your head. The side of your face rammed into the table with a thud when he pushed you down, the faint pain of something slicing into your cheek made worse by your struggle to get free. A kick and he stumbled back. A slice of your knife and he fell dead. You don't think the fact will do much to comfort Ellie. So, in hopes of sparing her, you hum and shake your head. "Come here," you say, or beg, a hand on the back of her neck like fond guidance. "Let me kiss your pretty face."
She feels soft like satin on your lips, tastes like honey and black tea. Ellie kisses like she argues, experienced and unruly all at once, with a point to make— I need you and I want you to know it. Her tongue slips past your parted lips and brings a muffled sound from your throat that almost makes her pull slightly away, if it weren't for the feeling of your fingers tightening on her neck to have her closer. A faint thought crosses Ellie’s mind, a feeling like pity for the person she was before you, whoever that was, an old self who couldn't know what it's like to be devoured so caringly.
She brushes her nose against yours and you let out a sigh that sounds painfully like a prayer, her short hair a dark veil over your eyes when she turns her head to press kisses on your cheek. "You can't leave me like that again," she breathes out.
You swallow her words, a confused wrinkle between your eyebrows. “Ellie—”
A kiss cuts you off. You slide your hands up her thighs to her waist, a surprised hum vibrating against her lips when she wraps her fingers around your wrists and squeezes, as if to keep them there. She leans back and stares into you, and for the first time since you’ve known Ellie, you can't tell if she's commanding you or begging. “I won’t let you.”
It’s a gesture. It goes beyond the reality of your lives, the fact that any day either one of you could be made to leave again, that any day either one of you could die. It means I missed you. It means I need it to be me who looks after you. It means I love you.
Your stomach flutters, hungry with an urgent craving. And like you have every day since you’ve known Ellie, you find yourself unable to deny her love or the indulging promise of a different world— but maybe those mean the same thing. "I'm not leaving you," you say, breathless, and it might as well be true.
Ellie makes a sound in response that feels painfully close to a moan, a soft mmhm that clouds your head of anything that may or may not exist outside of this room. The tip of her nose brushes against your neck and then continues its way down, her fingers sneaking inside your shirt, pulling up the fabric and pressing kisses over the skin that’s revealed. "I love you," she says, almost near the band of your underwear, her blushed lips parted. You feel her breath against the burning fire in your lower stomach, reaching out to cradle her cheek against your hand. She feels hot, flushed pink under her freckles, and you’re not sure if she hears you say I love you, Ellie as much as she watches you mouth the words. She presses her face further into your hand, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue, begging as if she’d ever have to, “Baby, I need— please.”
You don't hear yourself say yes, but the look in her eyes says you must have.
#ellie williams x reader#ellie x reader#ellie williams headcanons#ellie williams fic#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams smut
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Hello Mr Neil,
I want to share how I feel about Sherryl the supermodel from Good Omens. You've answered a question previously when someone felt that her representation was lacking empathy (re the visual effects note in the script book, although the scene was cut), and I want to offer my thoughts to help people who felt that way about Sherryl.
The book (Good Omens, not the scripts, which I haven't read) plays with dark topics and makes them absurd and fun, aiming the jabs at the systems that (mis)guide or harm people (there are Beliefs, the People who Believe them, and the odd ways of living that make sense to them). Famine's D-Plan sums up the diet industry and a culture of starvation: of course we don't laugh /at/ Sherryl, we understand (because of everything the novel sets up) that like every other human she does her best with the frameworks she's got. It's empathetic, because that's what Good Omens is. Understanding that let me reframe the knee-jerk reaction I had on my first read of the scene in the book.
[For the TV show, though, as you've explained in the past, certain things had to be adapted to the time. I wonder sometimes - because I know that you do these things well - how you felt about approaching Sherryl nearly 30 years later.]
I think the trouble for me was that the scene in the book felt cruel at first. Now, I think 'A skeleton in a Dior dress' beautifully sums up the sacrifice of her humanity to become New York's top model. It's death dressed up - that's how such extremely-ill supermodels *should* appear to us if only we were unblinkered. One should see plainly the actual violence in an emaciated person's appearance. Maybe growing up with early 2000s aggressive body-shaming British TV shows and an overweight mother of Sherryl's generation as well as personal experience of anorexia made the 'skeleton' image feel cruel, now-overdone and recognisable to the nastiest unhealed bits in my psyche.
I think the frightened human animal in me initially recoiled from the dehumanisation. The pit of me jerked at the descriptions of Sherryl that felt like real insults, pulled straight from mainstream body-shaming media of my formative years. Of course, Good Omens predates this - thin was in, religiously, and the scene was subversive then - but that was my initial bodily feeling, not a thoughtful response. I describe it to illustrate where the challenge was, after we've gone from skinny worship in the 90s, to domestic skinny enforcement, to skinny shame, to wherever we are now in the popular orthorexic fitness culture and clean-eating minefield etc etc. Starvation dehumanises, and Sherryl was sick to the point of being inhuman - the scene under a microscope might feel complicit in dehumanisation to the sensibilities of teens and young adults today (for the same reason that people in Trafalgar Square can't see England), but within the book it humanises Sherryl by showing you plainly what awful thing has happened to her.
What the book did for me was let me delight in a sense of humour that makes difficult things totally absurd and therefore perfectly understandable. It told me, everyone is doing their best (to the best of their understanding), and when the fun-poking poked at my own pressure points, it said, lovingly, yes, you too. Many things about the book are like laughing with a friend or receiving a warm hug - it makes the big things so silly, and shared, and okay.
Thanks :) x <3
I am glad that is how you saw her. That is how we saw her. (I'm reminded of the only time I was ever at a high fashion event, where I found myself profoundly shocked by the incredible thinness of the models, and how sorry for them I felt, and how I wanted to feed them soup and stew and sandwiches. And of a high fashion model I knew a little, when she went out with a friend of mine, who told me that some girls she knew used heroin to stop the hunger pains, injecting themselves between their toes, and later I learned that my friend broke up with her when he learned she was a heroin addict.)
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I KNOW YOU
Neil Perry x gn! reader
Synopsis: In which you and Neil end up in a vintage photobooth.
An: Hello!! This is my first post on this account so I apologize if this sounds like shit😭 Also!! English is not my first language and I’ve never stepped foot into a Photo Booth so if I wrote something wrong then that’s on me🫡🫡
💌
When you two entered through the curtain and into the booth, You found it to be particularly small, barely big enough for the two of you to fit inside. It was kind of dark, the walls were maroon colored and the only thing there was in there was a built-in camera in the wall and a bench to sit down on so it was kind of empty (besides the scribbles and notes people had written down on the walls that the owners were too lazy to remove). You’ve both never seen or been in a Photo Booth before, not having a single clue on how it exactly worked, fearing that you’d accidentally break something.
“It’s quite cramped in here, isn’t it?” He teased softly, being fully aware of the amount of space you two had. You nodded, breathing out a faint ‘yeah’ under your breath. You tried to make yourself sit comfortably, but it was kind of hard when the side of your body was stuck glued beside his as your other half was against the wall.
Neil leaned down slightly.
“Are you comfortable?” He asked softly, his voice husky as he looked you up and down with a small smile. You once again nodded, not wanting to burden him. It was fine. Afterall, you couldn’t do anything about it. Neil turned his head back to the camera, looking clueless.
“Does it even work?” Neil asked as his brows furrowed.
“I hope so.” You responded, feeling hopeful. There was a button sticking out underneath the camera lens.
“I think this button starts the camera and countdown.” He said, unsure.
Neil reached slightly up to press it, unsure if it was the right thing to do. Thankfully, the lightbulb that hung above us, slowly lit up, triggering the timer countdown for the first picture. As the countdown went, You both realized that you had to act fast if you wanted the pictures to turn out good. You had no idea how many seconds you were given, could’ve been ten seconds or thirty if this machine was nice enough.
“What should we do?” You asked, a little panicky.
“Just smile!” He said quickly, leaning back a little against the wall. You took this opportunity to lean a little closer to the camera as you smiled nervously. You didn’t have that many high hopes for the first picture, just wanting the first picture to show you two smiling as a start. You posed awkwardly for a few seconds before the camera’s flash unexpectedly came on.
The bright flash blinded both of you, causing Neil and you to let out a small groan of discomfort as you both rubbed your eyes. Neil leaned back up beside you as he tried to blink away the spots in his vision, adjusting to the sudden change of light.
Now it was time to think of a new pose to do. Without thinking, you shifted yourself to lean your head towards him as you, again, smiled at the camera. You weren’t expecting for him to do the same though, but he did. Your heads linked together as you both smiled sweetly and the camera clicked once again.
You two pulled apart, feeling the warmthness of his cheek leave yours as you tried to figure out what pose you were going to do next. Neil seemed to have no problem with this whole thing, just freestyling everything. Maybe it was because you knew he would look good in any pose he chose to do.
You suggested to him that you two could make funny faces, just to humorize the photos. He didn’t say anything, let alone move as you got into your position, scrunching up your nose as you smiled mischievously. You awkwardly waited for the photo to be taken as you watched Neil from your peripheral vision. He turned his head towards you and just stayed there, watching you. His gaze seemed to burn a path through you.
You wanted to turn your head to face him but you’d have to wait until the picture would get taken.
When the flash finally covered the whole booth for just a split second before disappearing again, the light above you dimmed, signaling for you two to exit the booth, but you didn't, you stayed there as if you were expecting something more to happen. You turned your head immediately to see what was the problem. You were planning to ask him ‘why didn’t you pose?’ or ‘is there something on my face?’ but when you turned to him, you realized how close your faces were. And suddenly, your mind became blank. He stared down at you with a feeling of undeniable adoration in his brown eyes as he watched you almost hungrily. There was a tender, fond adoration flickering in his eyes, the way it often did in private moments like this. The warmth and affection in his expression made you feel vulnerable and cherized at the same time. His eyes seemed to take in every little detail, capturing it and piercing it into his mind, afraid to lose the memory of how you looked like, in case you two would in the future pull apart and never see each other again. His expression was soft and full of warmth, as if he found every little thing about you utterly mesmerizing.
“What?” You muttered quietly, already feeling yourself getting lost in his eyes. Oh how you could stare into them for hours on end.
“What?” Neil asked in return, his voice low and warm, tinged with a hint of amusement. In the midst of darkness, you could see a speck of light reflecting on his eyes from outside the curtain where the streetlight resided. You felt his breath from his open mouth hit your face as it made you realize how close your faces have gotten.
“May I kiss you?” He softly whispered against your lips, glancing down at them for a split second before returning his gaze up at you.
You opened your mouth, again and again to try and get something out but your voice had given up on you so you just nodded eagerly instead. He leaned down and closed his eyes, pressing his lips gently against yours. His hand travelled to your face, placing it on the back of your head to deepen the kiss. You reciprocated and held his cheek, your thumb grazing his sharp cheekbone. The kiss was short but sweet, only lasting a couple of seconds before he pulled away, exhaling ever so slightly as he looked breathlessly at you. You couldn’t help but let out a cheeky grin that spread over your red face, which caused Neil to laugh at you.
⋆⭒˚.⋆
You walked out of the booth as you watched Neil pick up the pictures that were printed out and examined them. He had a cheeky smile on his face as he looked down on them, making you curious.
“Let me see.” You said and he handed you the strip. Without saying anything, you took it from him and looked at it closely. There were four black & white photos of you two stacked on top of each other, doing various poses for each one. The first photo though, caught your eye. It looked fine at first, you saw yourself smiling and narrowed your eyes to Neil.
His mouth was pulled into a wide smile which showed off his gleaming teeth and dimples. He looked adorable. Though unbeknownst to you, you saw his hand positioned behind your head, creating a bunny ears gesture, making you look like a fool.
When you realized this, you playfully hit his arm as a form of payback. He pulled up his hand to caress the spot where you hit him at, pretending to look hurt as he couldn’t help holding in his laugh.
“I just couldn’t help myself, I had to!” He said between laughs.
You didn’t want to give in but eventually did, giggling along with him.
Besides, you knew you were going to keep these photos in your dorm as a memory, even if they didn’t turn out perfect, they were special.
(After all, no one but you and Neil would fully know what happened after the fourth photo was taken.)
#dps#dps fandom#dps fic#dead poets society#dead poets fanfic#neil perry x reader#neil perry#dead poets society x reader#oneshot#dead poets society oneshot
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Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy
Paring: Neil Lewis x Reader
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: smut, you have a cowboy kink :3
“What do you think?” Neil says, strutting down the narrow hallway out of his office.
Looking up from the magazine you were mind-numbingly immersed in, mostly due to the weird jingling coming from where Neil was coming from, you were greeted with an oddly pleasant view. Neil, uncharacteristically, dressed up as a cowboy. Black cowboy hat, a pair of black loose fitting jeans to match, a light denim button up shirt tucked into his pants with a couple buttons undone at the top, a black bandana tied around his neck, and cowboy boots that edged on godawful. Somehow Neil’s outfit of the week wasn’t that bad, it was kind of attractive…
“Hello? Anyone in there,” Neil waves his hand infront of your face, you try to grab his wrist but he snatches his hand away before you can get a full grasp. “So?”
“I think it’s better than last Saturday’s Dracula costume, that’s for sure,” trying to sound as uninterested as you possibly can despite the fact that you were undeniably very into the cowboy thing.
“Oh, come on. I had you speechless for a good minute there,” Neil points out, before mimicking a one-man gun fight.
“It’s fine,” is all you give him.
Neil sighs dramatically and pouts. Walking over to the couch infront of the TV and flopping down onto it, his melodrama is almost good enough to make you pity him, but he’s pulled this trick one too many times for it to do the full damage he intended. Soon enough you're trying your best to flip through the magazine in your hands. Unlike last time, you can’t seem to find it as interesting as it was before you saw Neil. The cowboy outfit fit him a little too well. Amount of undone buttons showed off his collarbones so well, hat fit weirdly well ontop of his head, and his pants hugged his ass in a way that made you drool. Maybe your boss dressing up as a cowboy was a new awakening for you. God you really hope not.
“Welcome to Gumshoe!” Neil welcomes the customer, springing off the couch and fixing his hat, “We have a special deal on Westerns this week, if you want to look into that just let me or my lovely employee at the counter know.”
You smile at the customer, before your eyes start to drift over to Neil. How you were going to last a full day working here while he looked like that, you didn’t know. As he blabbed to the customer about whatever movie they could be looking for, you willed yourself to look anywhere else, to do anything else besides stare weirdly at your boss and give yourself a girl boner over his outfit. There’s always returns you can sort through and late calls you can make, is what you settle on.
Pulling out the box from under the counter you start to sort through the returns of the past couple of days absentmindedly. Despite trying your hardest not to stare at your boss and focus on your task, you can’t help it. As he stanters around the shop in those stupid black jeans, fixes the buttons on his shirt, even daring to pop another button open, you can feel the wetness in your pants increase by the minute. It’s embarrassing. You move over to the back corner to start storing the movies, hoping this new perspective with a noticeable lack of view of your employer will help calm you down, but it does nothing. Possibly making it worse, this lack of seeing the real Neil makes your imagination kick in. Oh, what he could do for you. Legs over his shoulders. Is he soft or rough? What would he say during it? Is it just the costume or has he always looked this good? There’s a tap on your shoulder and you whip your head around.
It’s Neil.
“Can you check out the customer? I’ll take this over, don’t worry.” A blush spreads over your cheeks, and you can only seem to nod offering a weak, guilty smile to him. Standing up on shaky legs you make your way over to the register trying to make as little contact with Neil as possible. Knowing that if you touch him you will moan.
Your face feels hot, likely flushed, so you check out the customer as fast as you can. Plan foiled by their lack of a loyalty card. Soon enough they are out the door and gone, but you could’ve sworn you input their address wrong.
“Is the A/C not working?” Neil had sneaked up on you, grasping your shoulder. You jump, causing him to let out a small laugh.
“Uh- Yeah, I think so? Why are you asking?”
You knew why he was asking, you were sweating profusely and were red in the face. Even leaving a sweaty hand mark on the register, and possibly the DVD the customer rented out. All fueled by the simple cowboy costume worn by the man behind you. Curse ‘Western week’ at Gumshoe Videos, and curse Neil and his need to dress up for every event the store held, no matter how miniscule.
“You’re just very sweaty and red. Is there any other reason? Possibly got the hots for anyone,” Neil teased, poking your shoulder.
To anyone other than you, it would’ve been quite obvious that he wasn’t referring to himself and was, instead, referring to the customer who just left. After all, most of your more noticeable nerves showed up after their arrival. But your nerves paired with just how close Neil was to you lead to the disastrous reply.
“No! Of course not! And it’s definitely not you either.” Followed by nervous choppy laughter.
“What?”
Neil was not laughing.
“I have to go stock shelves.”
Neil stands there for a couple seconds before following behind you, despite how you desperately try to lose him. The shop is small and cramped, losing anyone in here is close to impossible. Just getting down to work is the best option right now, you plop down beside a box full of DVDs and try to ignore your boss.
“Look. I’m not offended or thrown off by what you said, but are you serious?”
You look up at Neil, guilt and embarrassment coating your face.
“You are! What is it? My charms? My humour? My looks?”
You go back to stocking DVDs.
“Is it the cowboy outfit?”
You look back up in absolute horror. He’s grinning at this realisation, both amusement and disbelief smeared all over his cocky smile.
“Well how would you like to ride a real cowboy?” Neil asks, he’s putting on a horrible southern accent that’s somehow made the outfit so much more attractive.
You stand up and crash your lips together. The kiss catches Neil off guard, stumbling back a step or two before he’s reciprocating at the same force as you. Getting eager you pull at the hair on his nape. He moans into your mouth. God it’s better than you thought it would sound. God, do you want to ride this cowboy.
“Hey,” Neil breaks away, breathing heavily, “Can we, uh, can we take this back to my office?”
You nod, basically pushing Neil back to his own office. Both of you are giggling the whole way there. Normally being so giddy over something like this would make you sick, but you’re hot and have a growing tingling in your lower stomach urging you onwards. Once the door is closed to his office your lips are back on his, hand tangling into his hair. Stumbling forwards into him until you hit his desk. His hands find your hips and he groans. Lips now start to kiss your neck. Kisses sloppy and open mouthed, bordering on bites. You’re so high on excitement about this it’s making you dizzy. Never have you ever thought that you would be so excited to sleep with your boss. What a uniform can do to a man is criminal.
Neil’s hands slowly move from your hips to your breasts. Squeezing them lightly once before groping harshly. Looking down you make eye contact with him, his eyes are so round and soft, pupils blown out wide, basically pleading to let him take off your shirt.
“Go ahead,” You sigh out, he’s rubbing your nipples through your shirt.
Quickly his hands move down to the hem of your shirt, and it’s off you and on the floor. Neil starts to move his kisses down to your collar bones and breasts. Groaning the whole way down, acting like he’s never been with anyone as beautiful as you. Truthfully, it’s unlikely that he has.
His hands unclasp your bra, sliding it down your arms and exposing your boobs. Nipples hard from the cold and from the excitement of this whole ordeal. You place your hands on Neil’s jaw dragging him back up into a kiss. It’s sloppy, his spit is all over your top lip. If this was anyone else it would’ve disgusted you, but, again, something about the whole cowboy costume made it so much hotter.
“God, you’re so hot,” Neil pants into your mouth, tweaking at your nipples. You moan in response.
He’s leading you over to the couch in his office. Pushing you onto the couch, you watch him completely unbutton his slutty denim shirt before joining you. Lips crashing into yours in the same frenzy as before. Your hands come to the waistband of his pants. Desperately trying to undo his buckle. You get it undone, and as a reward Neil undoes his pants. You feel his bulge press into your hip as you continue. You stroke him through his underwear, causing him to whimper, breaking away from the kiss and squeezing his eyes shut.
“Don’t do that baby, I’ll cum, please,” Neil begs. You giggle in response, but are immediately cut off when he latches his lips around your nipple. Flicking his tongue over your nipple. Fuck. You cup his cheek.
“Neil, take off my fucking pants already,” You hiss out.
He detaches his lips from your nipple, focusing instead on sliding your jeans off of your hips. You desperately want to shy away from Neil’s gaze when he starts to feel the wet patch on your underwear that is growing by the second, but it’s hard when he’s sitting between your legs. He shoves your panties down your legs and onto the floor.
Neil looks into your eyes as he traces the line of your cunt, playing with your clit, then shoving a finger into your cunt. You immediately moan out at the intrusion, earning you a smile from Neil.
“You’re so wet, baby,” he teases.
He adds in a second finger and your eyebrows furrow. His fingers are thick. Stretching you out so nice. Finding a steady pace Neil pushes his finger in and out of your cunt, eagerly watching as your cunt easily takes in his fingers. You grip at his hair, pulling him back into a kiss. Moaning into his mouth as he fucks you with his finger, consistently brushing against your sensitive spot.
Neil removes his fingers from your cunt, wiping them off on the couch. He makes quick work of his boxer’s pulling them down and discarding them in the pile of clothes already on the floor. He lines his cock up with your cunt and slides into you, both of you groaning at the sensation. Neil stays still for a little bit, getting adjusted to how you feel.
“Fuck you’re so tight, and so warm, and wet. You’re so nice,” Neil babbles, placing his hands on your hips.
Slowly he starts rocking back and forth into you, letting out breathy moans the whole way through.
“You can speed up,” You tell Neil, holding onto his bicep for support.
His hips start to speed up, until the sound of skin slapping against skin and the wet sounds of your cunt echo throughout the room. Neil keeps babbling out praises, ‘so good baby’s and ‘you’re so hot’s breaking the previously mentioned sounds, along with moaning from the both of you. Neil was a surprisingly good fuck. His cock was angled perfectly into your cunt, allowing him to hit deep into your cunt each time in a way that made you squeeze your eyes shut and throw your head back.
“Do you- fuck- do you want to ride this cowboy?” Neil asks through pants, you look up at him. A mix of amusement and horniness coats your brain.
“Yes.” Is all it takes for Neil to slip out of you and bring you on top of him, then line up his cock with your entrance once again and slip it in.
You bounce up and down on him, aided by both his hips bucking into yours and his hands on your hips.
“You’re so good at this, holy,” Neil says, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Swirling his tongue around the bud, you yelp out.
You can feel the coil in your stomach tighten, gripping tightly on Neil’s shoulders for stability. The mix of Neil’s cock pumping in and out of you and his tongue playing with your nipples was driving you insane.
“Neil, I’m gonna cum.”
“Cum for me, all over my cock, baby.”
You reach one of your hands down from Neil’s shoulders to your clit. Rubbing your clit in quick small circles as Neil watches you with hungry eyes.
It all comes crashing into you at once as you chant ‘cumming’ as you slump into Neil’s shoulder. He follows quickly after you. Both of you stay still for a little bit, trying to recuperate from everything. Neil rubs small circles into your lower back before you slide off of his cock.
“Thank you,” you mumble, not being able to look at Neil after that.
“Here,” Neil says, handing you your underwear.
You both get dressed in silence, before both exiting Neil’s office.
“You can go home early today if you want,” Neil coughs out.
You end up going home early after all, walking back to your car on shaky legs and being left to think about the events of today at your apartment.
#fanfic#neil lewis#neil lewis smut#neil lewis x reader#neil lewis x you#watching the detectives#cillian murphy smut#cillian x fem!reader#cillian murphy#cillian fic#cillian murphy x reader#neil lewis x y/n
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Billy, who has only ever known a life of ‘use or be used’ comes to Hawkins, Indiana with exactly one plan.
To get the fuck back out.
But see, the problem is that that takes money. Money he definitely doesn’t have.
The first night in his new room, he doesn’t bother to unpack. No, he sits on the floor by his bare mattress and he plots.
It’s not worth the risk trying to steal from Neil. Can’t escape this shithole if he’s fucking dead. Getting a job and actually managing to keep the money without his father finding out would be… difficult.
Bored housewives would probably be willing to shell out gifts for the privilege of a quick fuck to forget their balding, miserable husbands. It wasn’t much, but it was a thought to consider.
He leaves that half finished plan open in his brain when he goes to his first day at Hawkins High, only to have the page ripped up and burned at the first sight of one Steve Harrington.
Bored and- seemingly- apathetic pretty boy with absent parents and a big house. Considerably more his type than some desperate midwest housewife with sickly sweet perfume and a simpering voice.
And clearly rich.
By the second week of classes, Billy has caught Steve’s eyes lingering on him a few too many times.
So starts what would become both the only thing that mattered to him, and the worst thing he’d ever do.
His usual charm doesn’t work on Steve, so he goes the other way. Taunts him, a bully pulling on his pigtails until one day Steve snaps and kisses him behind the gym until Billy almost forgets why he’s doing this entirely.
At first, he feels no guilt in it. They don’t talk feelings, it’s just good fucking sex and Steve apparently loves to give gifts.
Gifts that are too thoughtful. Too knowing.
First aid supplies. Clothes. Buying him expensive dinners to make up for the nights Billy was sent to his room without a bite to eat the entire day, even if he didn’t know that.
Billy starts to become more aware of his plan as the days, then months slip by. He thinks of all the times Steve has given him money for gas or other things, how Billy has lied to him. How all that money is stashed away, just waiting for a chance that he can disappear into the night like an asshole outlaw.
Steve becomes his boyfriend and the guilt sits heavy and sticky in his gut. He starts to second guess what he’s been doing.
Billy doesn’t say he’s in love, not even when Steve does. He knows he is- has fought against it with every fibre of his being the whole fucked up way down- but he can’t bring himself to say it when his escape is on the horizon.
He comforts himself by telling himself Steve will forget about him. Move on and marry some docile stay-at-home wife who wouldn’t push his buttons the way Billy did.
But then, late one night, Steve says it again while he’s pressing Billy down into the mattress. And Billy- emotionally taken apart by a particularly bad day at home- crumbles. His eyes fill with tears and he says it back in a fit of weakness. The first time he’s ever said those words to someone.
I love you too.
That’s when his plan starts to fall apart. It’s become annoyingly apparent that he can’t escape this. Doesn’t want to. Steve has become his escape.
So even though it feels like pulling teeth, he starts to empty his stash. He buys Steve gifts now, because spending it on him makes him feel less vile. Takes Steve out on dates.
He finally feels a sense of relief when it’s gone, even if he says goodbye to California mournfully in the same thought.
It’s easier to be around Steve after that, even if a trace of the guilt always lingers. Easier to say he loves him when he isn’t constantly ready to say goodbye. Easier to open up to him.
He finally tells Steve the truth about Neil, and the first thing Steve does is offer him a place in his home if he needs to run.
Billy loves him. He feels free for the first time in his life. He’s happy.
And that’s when Steve finds out the truth.
#billy hargrove#steve harrington#harringrove#billy x steve#billy antis dni#billy hargrove deserves better#minor angst#miscommunication#harringrove ficlet#steve x billy#🌌 — a s t e r#🌌 — w r i t i n g
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andrew minyard.
finally andrew is getting the essay treatment from me. i love this man and i just needed to yap about him. spoilers ahead and continue at ur own risk.
people (both within the series and in the fandom) like to think of andrew as super unemotional and stoic. i don't think people realise it but the whole "andrew is soulless" mindset has bled into the fandom, and the way people write and talk about him really makes me think they do just consider andrew to be extremely cold and unreachable as a person. i lowkey find this funny because andrew's not even that monstrous or difficult or stone cold he's literally just bipolar (canonically) with some clinical depression in there. like???
and it's weird because people like to think of andrew as super out of control and violent and yes, he was unpredictable when he was on his drugs and he does still play by his own rules, but he honestly rarely incites any violence? i can't really think of a single instance he's been violent for no reason. he punched matt for hitting kevin. he choked allison for slapping aaron. he choked kevin for lying to him and also because he was understandably panicked and angry about neil being taken from him. what i find interesting is that when one-dimensional booktok men and the stereotypical book boyfriends do this typa shit it's seen as cute and protective and bf material but when andrew does it he's seen as violent, out of control and emotionless. and what also doesn't make sense is when people see his ability to inflict fear and violence on people (usually retaliatory but whatever) they consider it to be proof of his inability to feel emotion, but it seems to me that it's proof of the opposite? all of his violent and "out of control" moments to me are literally displays of how much he cares.
andrew is such an acts of service show don't tell kinda person and you'd have to be pretty blind (or biased) to not be able to see how his actions reflect his thoughts and emotions. he agreed to everything neil asked of him because he was interested in and a little (a lot) in love with him. he agreed to let kevin stay and protect him from the literal mafia because kevin believed in him and believed he was worth something and was willing to be patient and give him something to live for. he's friends with and hangs out with renee because she's kind and honest and genuine with him and isn't immediately dead-set against him because he doesn't fit into the conventional values of what a guy is supposed to act like.
does he have problems and flaws? yes, absolutely. many of his issues do stem from his existing trauma and the biases he's developed from that, but he's working through them, with other people's help, and it's so bizarre when people in the fandom talk about him like he's so far gone and to "rehabilitate" him would be a miracle when...he's literally already in the process of healing?? and he's not resistant to it at all?? before neil even shows up, he's seeing and talking to betsy, he's doing things (in his own way, sure) to try and patch up his relationship with aaron, he's protecting the people he cares about, he isn't honestly as self-sabotaging and self-destructive as he says he is. betsy is right when she says that he's done exceptionally well despite everything the world and his life have tried to throw at him.
people like to accuse aftg of demonising mental illness and people like andrew but i actually think the aftg fandom does that a lot more than the actual books. i think anyone with critical thinking can see that despite the nickname, andrew isn't a monster at all, and i think anyone that really knows him in the novel would see that too. and people in the fandom still write him like a sociopath even though it's explicitly stated he isn't, he literally has bipolar disorder, and it's funny and ironic to me because the fandom is like the general public in aftg, and the fandom (at least to me) demonises andrew a hell of a lot more than the actual books do.
andrew isn't the emotionless, stony, cold, unreachable, violent monster the fandom seems to think he is. i think he does have some problems expressing his emotions and probably has some issues coming to terms with a lot of them, but i think he definitely experiences the full range of emotions and they show themselves pretty frequently, intentional or not.
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I appreciate how you write Astarion so, SO much. I feel like way too many fic writers infantilize him to a point where I honestly start wondering if I'm the one who misinterpreted him so badly.
I'd love to know more about what you think of his character and his arc. Personally I saw him and immediately went "oh god this guy is gonna be the irritating tumblr sexyman of the year🙄" and it took me until Araj basically to warm up to him. What were your initial thoughts and did they change much while playing the game?
OH thank you so much!!! That's a shame if it's the case, and a little surprising to me, to be honest! While he's definitely written be an aloof jerk a lot of the time, I always found him to be surprisingly mature and introspective whenever he's not dishing out witty remarks. He comes off to me as the kind of person who learned to benefit from seeming dumber than he actually is, overall.
HAHA I had a VERY similar experience, not just towards Astarion but all the characters, really (I really disliked Shadowheart at the beginning, too). I had only seen pictures of him and pretty much expected a vapid character that was being carried to stardom because of a talented VA - and because people go nuts for anne rice style vampires lol.
While I was definitely enjoying his voice lines from the start (Again kudos to Neil) I definitely wasn't expecting much else. He piqued my interest after so devastatingly turning my character down at the tiefling party without me even having inquired, and that's when I, the gamer, was like "well, alright, I GOTTA fuck this guy now" (this is also where DU drow's personality began to come out as you can probably guess)
Obviously, if you have two neurons to rub together you can gather pretty quickly that he's not trying to woo you because you're so interesting and wonderful, so I started getting curious! With that dynamic being so different from what you usually expect of romances in these types of games, plus the charming way in which he is written, I started being won over.
I think what really did it was how gradually his attitude changed when responding to new, mostly trivial dialogue options and doing his greetings as you earned his trust, and ESPECIALLY with how he responds to your tav when you express any kind of fear or insecurity during his romance - which was with a lot of sincerity and confidence in his resolve to support you, and in you as a person, a complete 180 from his usual front - Which, again, makes me all the more surprised to hear that he's often painted with such an immature brush.
And obviously he has a DEEPLY ugly side to him (if you've read ANE, hopefully it's clear that I know this, and that I like to explore it just as much as anything else lmao) but it's very interesting to me how it seem to always come in the form of outbursts, rather than a constant evil-streak, usually followed by a glimpse of self-awareness. It feels very much in line with someone who's actually making a great deal of effort to manage their RAMPANT emotions and going through a lot of internal conflict in the process.
GAH. Yeah if you can't tell by this friggin' thesis I just wrote, I love the way they wrote this character a lot and I was definitely proven PROFOUNDLY wrong in my first impression of him - which, if that's not irony at it's finest I don't know what is.
And as an aside! I also very much appreciate that he's a "queer" coded character who's effeminate (in the Old Homo kind of way, but I digress) and flamboyant, but taken Dead Fucking Seriously. With as much progress as we've made in LGBT rep in media, I still often feel like gay men will only get that kind of treatment for as long as they "Aren't That Gay" (I know Astarion doesn't have a set sexuality - But lets not mince words: stereotypes exist, and he fits into most of them) and as a thin-wristed gay guy who's a little too found of linen shirts, I can honestly say that experiencing a character like that helped me with my own confidence.
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