#negativity under the cut

[rosietherivendell]

Honestly I don't even care if b*ddie happens anymore and frankly I kind of hope it never happens out of plain old spite

[shiitb4lls]

oooo boy.

with everything that happened this week my cravings have been at an all time high. idk what it is about being home but it's only made them worse. also my parents have ... a ton of booze in the house. fingers crossed I'm strong enough to not give into my cravings. please wish me luck buddies. I'm nine weeks sober as of yesterday and I'm hoping not to have a lapse.

[quirkysubject]

Will you ever write more fic about Freddie? you used to be one of my favorite authors

Hi! Thank you, that's wonderful to know! 💕😊

I am working on a couple of stories that all feature Freddie, but more as part of an ensemble cast. I hope to starting posting them next week - depends on how my weekend goes 😄

I don't really plan which stories to write or which band members to focus on. I'm just grabbed by an idea, and I can't predict which one that is going to be next. I like variety, so I think it's natural for me to want to try new pairings and focus on different characters.

The thing is also that a small but unfortunately vocal part of his fanbase is... I can think of a number of fitting expressions here, none of them nice, but let's just keep it at: as it is.

It doesn't exactly make the "Freddie fandom" a very fun space to be.

I don't care that much, especially since I can turn anon off, and there are a lot of people who are wonderful and welcoming! It's just that I see so much useless fucking drama over the smallest things, it turns me off wanting to engage with fannish side of Freddie. I have no interest of catering to or interacting with people who insult anyone who doesn't conform to their views of how Freddie should be written/drawn/discussed.

It's the antithesis of what a fan should be. It's also the antithesis of what Freddie means to me.

I'll always be a fan of Freddie privately. No one can take that away from me. I'll think about him, discuss him with friends, listen to his music.

And if I get a fic idea about him, I will of course write and post it 💕

[jacensolodjo]

Oh good. I was waiting for the imposter syndrome feeling to kick in and the whole everyone is humoring me thing and I actually Suck Ass when it comes to writing lmao

[mayohigan-orange]

Insecurities are fun...

Basically my mind is just trying to make me send people messages like ‘Are you getting tired of me?’ or ‘when will you get tired of me?’ x.x

[bisexualspongebob]

anyone else feel convinced that they will never live a happy life? that you’ve wasted so many years depressed creating the perfect world in your head and you know now whatever you do you will never live in it or meet its expectations? that you just feel like you’re at the end of your road? what do you do? how do you cope with it? how do you get out of wanting to end your life because genuine happiness is so far from your reach?

[vileandvenom]

If 2020 has taught me anything...it’s that hope is falling apart.

COVID isn’t going away, racism is still rampant, wrestling is a cesspool. There will probably never be another live concert/large gathering/wrestling in front of a crowd of more than 20 people. Trump is more than likely going to get reelected since no one is going to band together to elect a democrat. (I know...I KNOW...but really that’s the only chance of change. Third Party candidates just don’t pull the vote and we all know it. Blue no matter who people.) It just feels like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore. Now this is by no means me saying I’m giving up. I’m not. Even if life is shitty and probably is gonna stay that way I do want to stay alive. I just...don’t see the point in optimism anymore

[shockwavepulsar]

*Limit Break; Hi, sorry I dipped for a couple days. A coworker got a concussion and since I’m the head hostess when I’m not serving, I had to fill in. I’m here now! I’ll be around off and on throughout the week, but mostly gone for the weekend. 

Daylight saving time has fucked everything up and given me way more hours than I really need, tbh. People really out here thinking that the sunlight being visible for an hour more than they’re used to means everything is open later??? So we’ve been getting people coming in and placing HUGE orders 5 minutes before we close. :) People really are so uneducated in this country. There’s no common sense or courtesy either.  Also, love that my managers treat me as if I’m a manager and put me with nothing but new hires on the weekends so I end up having to do everything myself yet I’m not paid like I’m a manager. They literally show up, see I’m there, and then fuck off for the rest of the night like “oh, she’s got this, I don’t have to do my job anymore”. I have to remind myself that I have two more years left of college and then I’ll at least get paid enough to deal with bullshit.

[cxptained-archived]

I don't really use this blog much anymore thanks to time and energy and I know many people have moved past me on here which is a-okay and understandable. But I need somewhere to splurg feelings on a social media site where my family and people from university and high school can't see so. Because I feel like crap and here's why. A comprehensive list of why my brain refuses to produce the happy.

I just moved out. I live technically by myself but in shared housing with 6 other strangers. I live in one room, I get anxiety using the kitchen. I don’t know my surroundings well enough to explore too far just yet.

On top of this I have no money. In fact I have negative money. I get paid next week, but I live in an expensive city to do a dream job and I technically can't afford it. I don't even think this month's pay with pull me out of negative even before I pay rent and travel. I'm terrified that at some point this week. I'm going to pay for my train and get denied because I have nothing left.

I miss my friends. I miss human contact. I miss being touched and hugged and held. I don't like being withdrawn from it for this long but they only people I know are at work. I love them. I've made some incredible friends but I miss my people so much.

I don’t have the time to go running, or swimming or any of my old exercises. I work 9 hours a day, I spend over an hour travelling each way. By the time I get home, I eat dinner, relax for an hour and fall asleep. 

Because of this I’ve started to hate my body again. I see fat in places I don’t like it. I don’t see myself in a good light anymore. My thighs are big, my hips are wide, it makes my waist look wide too. Whatever I do or wear I hate on myself. But I have no money to join the gym and no time in daylight to go running.

I’m currently sick. That sucks in general.

I’m negative. All the time. I am the thing I fear. And I hate it. For years I was the positive influence in my friends lives. I was the annoying person that didn’t stop smiling. I didn’t accept negativity as something within me, I didn’t like it so it didn’t exist. But in the last year, that’s changed. I feel it so often. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. I vent to my friends. I complain. And I feel awful for doing so. I feel like a burden. I feel like a waste of space. Someone to put up with because people would feel bad for pushing me away. 

So I try to change. I tell myself regularly that I’ll stop complaining, that this is it and I’m going to go back to being me. The me I know who has anxiety and OCD but doesn’t let it phase her. Who pushes on. Who people used to call impressive for the way she handled things. But the every time I fail. And I do what I did today, spend the my entire hour long journey home from work crying and failing exactly what I promised to do.

Truth is, I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay for a while now and I won't be miraculously okay by next week like I keep forcing myself to be. I feel empty and sad and frustrated at myself for feeling these things. Every day I want to crawl back into bed and not move again for hours. I can barely bring myself to shower or make food. I am scared, sad and physically alone in a very big city.

I just want a fucking hug and someone to tell me it'll get better while they play with my hair. 

[datnekotype]

Slept through my alarms and missed my therapy appointment. 

This is the second one I’ve missed and I hate myself. And you can bet I’m crying right now and questioning why I can’t be a normal human being. 

[nottobecrossed]

.......

“Stop collecting my partners!!”

First of all: you don’t own me

Second of all: you don’t own them

Third of all: I do what I want

[twilighttwin]

((Was going to work on drafts and job search -and maybe Fanfiction- today. Instead what I've done is woken up to help my wife with a migraine for like an hour, tried to nap off a nightmare, woke up and helped my wife after she vomitted from the same migraine and now we're heading to the ER. Can today be fired?))

[jacensolodjo]

Not me starting to doubt my writing skill again lmao

[enrychan]

i went to see love, simon and

[[hey so the cut doesn’t work on mobile apparently, anyway if you love the movie pls don’t read further]]

it was honestly terrible. they were all like cartoon characters. the vice principal was the worst offender in that regard. everything was obvious and loud and 100% in your face and every conflict was resolved in like two minutes (except maybe the main one)

i understand that it’s a fantasy, it’s what we want life to be. nothing wrong with that. but if you reduce your characters to one or two traits for the sake of your fantasy, I won’t be invested in them and i won’t care about their struggles or their victories. humans are messy and complicated, that’s why they are so interesting. take that away and I’m gonna be bored out of my mind for the entirety of your movie. such a disappointment.

it’s just my opinion though. I understand the movie was a success, so what do i know.

[impcssibledreamer]

i’m feeling very confused and lonely and i want it to go away but i also don’t want to Talk about it with people who care about me, ya feel?

[nurmengardx]

 tbh i wish spn would stop with the queerbaiting. it’s blatantly obvious at this point, like they’re legit not trying to hide it at all anymore and i’m tired of falling for it over and over

seriously watch destiel not become canon. every season since freaking season 6 has been the same. ‘look they’re hinting at it so much it’s definitely going to become canon this season!!!!!’ no. it’s not. the sooner people realise this and stop allowing it to continue every god damn season the sooner they’ll let this dumpster fire of a show die