#needless to say the form gets signed lol

[better-call-mau1]

So I know that Ezra’s flirtation with the Dark Side is generally considered to be his lowest point in the series, and AUs where he’s an inquisitor are almost always tragic and depressing…but for a while I’ve been playing around with an AU that’s basically a cracky dark comedy — one where Deputy Director Wren of the Advanced Weapons Research Division carries on a sometimes-secret-but-other-times-not-so-much romance with the new Grand Inquisitor. 🤪 For some reason I’ve had a ton of fun writing dark!Sabezra from their own Imperial POV, so I wanted to share this meet-cute (or meet-evil?) snippet:

“You know, this would have been a lot easier if you were already dead!”

“Do you expect me to apologize for that?!”

“Yes, yes I do! This entire errand is completely beneath me!”

As a Mandalorian — even if her people reviled her — Sabine had no particular affinity for Force-wielding maniacs. The galaxy was a lot better off without thousands of do-gooder Jedi frolicking from system to system, starting wars and spreading chaos on their endless crusade to convince themselves of their own piety. She knew significantly less about the Sith and their acolytes, but after a total of twenty minutes in the company of the Grand Inquisitor, she couldn’t say that her opinion had improved much.

“Too bad for you, Governor Tarkin wants me back in one piece,” she spat. Brushing hair out of her face, she peeked from behind the stack of supply crates to fire a few more shots at Saw Gerrera’s terrorist minions, still pouring out of the base by the dozen. “Half of these traitors are wearing stolen Imperial armor. If High Command stopped dumping credits into Stardust and gave me what I needed to mass-produce the Duchess, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

The inquisitor’s red blade hummed past her ear as he swatted a blaster bolt back across the airfield, striking a Tognath directly between the eyes. Standing over her, shielding them both from the Rebel volley with one arm folded behind his back, he did cut an impressive figure — tall and broad-shouldered with his dark hair tied into a knot and beard trimmed meticulously, he wielded a cold resolve that Sabine was very glad to have on her side at the moment…not that she’d admit as much, of course.

“In case you didn’t notice,” he hissed, “I’m wearing Imperial armor too!”

“Believe me, I noticed!”

As miserable as her capture had been, her rescue wasn’t going very well either. Gerrera’s men had blown up the inquisitor’s TIE before they could escape, and the old Republic airbase — now a Rebel airbase, she supposed — was nestled in the heart of a canyon, providing an irritatingly effective natural defense against enemy fighters and bombers. Their reinforcements were already long overdue, but at this point, nothing less than a platoon of death troopers could drive off the swarming rebels.

With a flick of his wrist, the Grand Inquisitor sent a thermal detonator sailing back the way it’d come. “I’ll be having words with Admiral Konstantine when we return,” he snarled, which Sabine understood as a rough translation for, “I’ll be throttling Admiral Konstantine when we return.”

But ‘when’ seemed to be a bit optimistic. She knew that even with the Rebels’ archaic weaponry and pitiful training, it would only be a matter of time until the two of them were overwhelmed.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted an Ishi Tib and Twi’lek setting up a heavy blaster cannon on a tripod — and as amusing as it might’ve been to watch the broody, quippy dikut beside her get smoked like a womp rat, she needed him alive if she had any chance of surviving herself. (Also, as an artist, she couldn’t bear to see a face like that pulverized by a bunch of insurgent rubes.)

Raising her blaster, she fired three shots: the first struck the Ishi Tib in the flank, sending him stumbling into his comrade; the second caught the Twi’lek in the gut, right as he began to unload on their position; and the third took out the leg of the tripod, which collapsed onto its side, spraying those nearby with a short burst of friendly fire.

“You’re welcome!” she barked. With a sharp elbow to his thigh (a very well-muscled thigh, as it turned out), she earned herself an indignant huff, probably the closest the inquisitor ever came to expressing gratitude.

[your-ne1ghbor]

I don't know if you take drawing requests or not (seriously, I forgot, lol.) But I kind of want to see how your Starboy would interact with WG!Star.

Like would he be excited or scared cause WG!Star can get wild when he meets other Starboys. He'd be zipping around all over the place, I'm not sure if yours can handle it. 😅

P.S my Star is a hugger, so take that however you want. 😆

(I do take requests, I love drawing/answering your guy's questions even if it takes forever 💀)

AND ONG RASCAL I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS-

This took me a while to think about/draw since I saw them having a similar relationship to TKORAT Star with Orion, but still different enough from that. SOOO after long while of deep thinking, I figured out on how I would see them interact :3

So when they first meet, well, WG! Star ofc would get excited and start zipping around a lot to his potentially new friend. TKORAT Star starts asking a bunch of questions, starts pacing and moving around a lot, and starts talking so fast that you have no idea what the hell he is saying. Like buddy slow down 😭

Ofc besides that, I would see them relate on some personal levels with each other. First of all, on the lonely factor of their lives and confronting Magnus/Magnifico.

I thought that they would relate on the loneliness part of their lives in a way. From what I know about WG! Stars, is that they are basically like nomads, floating in the vast void of space and time. Ofc they would meet other stars, but it really looks more like a co-worker relationship than a long term friendship from my pov. I mean, what is the chance the star you just met is someone you will see again? Honestly kind of depressing. Poor guy 😢

For TKORAT! Star, (though I'm still figuring out the overall culture and lore of the stars) I also viewed it pretty much the same (though it could change after I figure out the star lore lmao). I mean sure, the other stars kinda treat Star Boy like their little sibling (i mean he technically is), but they aren't around enough to where someone could consider a friend. It is more like Teacher to Student type of situation.

Next it is confronting Magnus/Magnifico. Ngl, reading Chapter 7 and 8 was legit insane, hands up to Rascal 🙌

Although how I see TKORAT Star confronting Magnus being VASTLY different from what WG Star went though, the outcome is somewhat the same. Both through their rage later realize that they can't defeat Magnus/Magnifico. Even with their somewhat devine power that have (ie. Able to shapeshift, create objects out of thin air), it isn't enough to defeat him. They both basically got humbled by a guy who probably eats hair gel for breakfeast (aint no way he got his hair like that without proper hair treatment)💀🙏

Needless to say, they both can relate to that sort of pain they felt in those moments (I doodled them in their cosmic forms, though it is techically TKORAT Star's true form and it is also a draft)

Ok enough agnst 🙄, this duo would cause havok on Rosas.

Between them, there would be explosions....lots of explosions. And probably turning breads into talking cake creatures that beg you not to eat them. HORRIFYING...

Honestly imagine a whole group of pranksters showing up at your door (looking at the star boy gang for this). You're a goner man.

Cant draw WG! Star without hugging someone, am I right?

(And yes, my star boy doesn't know what a hug is. Like he has seen it, since he has seen mortals do that, he just doesn't understand why or know what it is called. Plus it is so infrequent of mortals doing that, which basically makes him forget hugging is a thing lol SUCH A UNCULTERED SWINE(srry couldnt resist lol) )

Anyways thanks for the ask Rascal! Again, sorry if it took so long, I was busy with school and also thinking deeply on their interactions with each other 🐀🐀

. . . . .. .

Shimmy shimmy yay shimmy yay shimmy ahhhhh

drank

falalala

drank

falalala

@signed-sapphire @oh-shtars @chillwildwave @rascalentertainments

@spectator-zee @tumblingdownthefoxden @dangerousflowerpanda

(sorry for tagging you guys again, just entering the silly hour (its 12 am by the time I wrote this))

[kyojurismo]

— I’LL SEE YOU AGAIN

# kyojuro rengoku

synopsis : you arrive just in time for a final goodbye.

tags : gn!reader, angst, light canon divergence, kyojuro’s death, shit ton of crying & blood.

a/n : of course i recently rewatched the mugen train arc and i ended up sobbing desperately as always, but i also imagined something like this. that’s why we’re here, basically. my best friend read it & convinced me to post it ngl, i hope you’ll enjoy it… if possible, lol *innocently looks away* (what a cool way to try and get to write, right?)

you were usually sent on missions with kyojuro, and since you two were dating it helped spending more time together. but this time was different.

you were walking side by side with uzui, who was trying to organise a plan to finish the mission quickly, since you both wanted to be home soon and reunite with your lovers. when suddenly, both your crows appeared and interrupted him.

“the flame hashira requires urgent assistance!“

the crows added something else but you stopped hearing after that. you felt a lump forming in your throat and your heart skipped a beat. you had a terrible feeling and without even alerting tengen you started running in the direction where the mugen train had derailed, your crow guiding you.

needless to say, uzui followed you in an instant.

the world stopped completely for you. you couldn’t hear anything, aside from your heart beating faster and faster against your ribs.

please, kyojuro…

─────────────────────

you saw him. you noticed he was still breathing and it was certainly a good sign… right? it had to.

you ran up to him and fell on your knees in front of him, his left eye was completely closed and there was blood on his face. you noticed with terror something stuck into his mid region, it was passing through his stomach.

“i’m so happy to see you,” his voice was lower than usual and it caused the tears in your eyes to start streaming down your face. “d-don’t strain yourself,” you pleaded him, believing that he just needed to stay still until the kakushi got there.

uzui appeared behind you right after checking the young slayers previously sent to support kyojuro on the mission. they were alive and their injuries weren’t too bad.

“i wanna have one last chat with you… it truly is a bless to have you here, you know?” his lips curved in a smile, making your heart clench. you were shaking as tears kept streaming down your cheeks. “you’ll be alright, use your breathing instead of talking, please!” you moved closer but refrained from touching him, too scared of hurting him. “i have something to tell you.”

you shook your head, hiccups causing your body to shake even more. “you can’t die now! you promised to come back, to me and senjuro!” the desperation in your voice showed how shocked and scared you were, it clearly clouded your judgment. “y/n,” uzui put a hand on your shoulder, trying to calm you down. kyojuro glanced at him tiredly, grateful that he was here too. for you.

“meeting you was one of the many blessings in my life. i’m glad i was able to see you smile, share your joy over small things… see the love in your eyes whenever you looked at me,” his voice was gentle, but hearing his words felt like getting stabbed repeatedly in your heart.

“i know you’ll keep blooming and growing, because there’s still more you have to discover about yourself. my only regret is that i won’t be there to hold your hand in the process.”

oh, rengoku…

your vision was completely clouded by tears but you could still see that whatever was stuck in his body was now turning into dust, as the sun was rising high in the sky. blood gushed from the hole in his stomach, his uniform quickly turning red as the blood started to pool around his figure. that was it.

“don’t leave me!” you pleaded as you wrapped your arms around his neck, sobbing in such a violent manner that your whole body ached, you felt like you couldn’t breathe anymore. “i c-can’t– i can’t live with-without you!” as you held him close his blood was quick to stain your uniform, but it didn’t matter.

“please.. kiss me,” he whispered, hearing the urgency in his voice made you pull back slightly. you were quick to cup his cheeks and kiss him gently, your lips trembling against his. you got blood on your hands and chin, and kyojuro felt bad for staining your beautiful skin. your soft and warm skin. as you pulled back, kyojuro smile widened. “i love you.”

you felt your heart cracking completely and you watched the life leaving his body as he closed his eyes and kept smiling contently. kyojuro was gone and the rational side of you knew it, but you weren’t ready to accept it. you hugged his lifeless body tightly and cried against his chest, as you screamed till your throat hurt.

tengen let you hug kyojuro’s body for a couple of minutes before trying to pull you back, knowing that it would just make things more difficult for you.

“let me go! i can’t leave him!” you screamed at him, trying to push him away without letting kyojuro go. tengen grabbed you more firmly and finally pulled you away, lifting you off the ground.

as the kakushi arrived, you started blaming them. you screamed at every single one of them who walked close to kyojuro and at that, tengen had to walk away with you, to let them do their job.

you saw them moving him and you tried to run to him again but uzui gripped your arms and held you in front of him, he made sure to shield you from what was going on behind him as he noticed your status.

“y/n, listen. y/n!” he wrapped his arms around you to stop you from squirming in his grasp and run away. “h-he promised to c-come back!” your face was all wet and hot from the crying, as tengen tried to wipe away your tears. he cupped your face and tried his best to comfort you. “i know… but that’s not gonna happen,” he muttered, seeing your eyes completely empty.

you felt like throwing up as your head started spinning. you were covered in kyojuro’s blood and the stark realisation that kyojuro, the love of your life, just died in front of you started hitting you.

“k-kyo is…” you looked up at tengen, ready to start crying again, before he hugged you and held you close to his body, feeling you heavily shaking in his arms. tengen caressed your back slowly and stared into the distance.

i didn’t told him that i love him too. he didn’t hear it for the last time. i just watched him die in front of my eyes. he didn’t deserve it!

reblogs & comments are super appreciated! thank you for taking your time reading it, i hope you enjoyed it. have a good day / night <3

[quasarlasar]

MELISSA AND THE ALLIES OF GAIA ART DUMP 1 - THE SUPERCELL

In episode 9 of the story "Melissa and the Allies of Gaia" I posted on Wattpad in August, Melissa and her storm avatar partner Hurricane Carla (shown in her miniature form) face off against a sapient high-precipitation supercell over a salt marsh in Alabama. A pair of fisherman have been using the tornadoes/waterspouts it creates to catch fish, having used an artifact of evil weather magic to take control of the storm.

Since actually moving to Alabama (I had no idea I would end up there at the time I wrote the story chapter) I have kind of developed a new fondness for this character. Most of the characters in the story I have done art previously for but I have never drawn this one.

While I don't specify this in the story, I imagine this supercell to use she/they pronouns (insert mammatus cloud joke here) and the tornados are like her "children" that she lets out to "play" (I mean if you scaled up a toddler to the size and strength of a tornado you'd probably get as much destruction). I plan for her to come back in a sequel, though of course Melissa will end up calling her something like "Mr. Thunders." (not that I imagine she would care all that much, of course, being a giant storm and all).

Like the hurricane avatars, she has a miniature form (shown in the top image) that she stays in when conditions aren't right for her to build up her massive supercell body. It looks like a cute little cumulus cloud with a thunderbolt crest. She doesn't speak any human language, and in the story she only briefly speaks in the wind language of storms to Carla, so she isn't very talkative. For this reason I imagine Melissa might one day try to keep her as a pet, which of course goes terribly wrong (as you can see in the first page with "Mr. Thunders" pooping huge spiky hail all over her apartment ["Mr Thunders! Not on the car!"]).

Shown in the top image is also her standing off against the miniature form of Labor Day and glaring at him with lightning. This happens in the story because Labor Day gets really hungry after the wind shear causes dry air to be entrained in his circulation and he basically loses control for a brief moment and tries to eat her waterspouts. Needless to say "Mr. Thunders" doesn't like this one bet, and attacks Labor Day. Fortunately it turns out "Mr. Thunders" also is hungry for some warm moist air too and they end up just kind of returning to Gulf Coast Headquarters and having lunch on some tropical air from the Gulf of Mexico.

The final drawing on the first image shows them snuggling with their tornado children. Ultimately I imagine she only wants what is best for them. It just so happens that sometimes what is best for a tornado isn't what is best for humans.

Some more notes on her design:

-Since she's a high precipitation supercell I imagine she has a lot of precipitation falling both from her anvil and from her base, which obscures anything like the wall cloud etc. This also conveniently means I don't have to draw all the features in the base of the supercell because I can't make heads or tails of how they are arranged lol (you can tell I have more experience with tropical cyclones)

-I basically imagined her thunderhead anvil is like her hat. It actually extends far ahead of and behind her head (it is extended by the upper level wind shear) but since she's viewed from the front it is foreshortened. From the side it would be quite long.

-Her eye color is supposed to be the deep green seen in storms with a lot of hail as the sun sets. I imagine her triangular pupil actually looks like a conical tornado up close.

-I had previously in the webcomic drawn Melissa as having a peace sign beanie or skullcap, but I realized when writing the story that that sort of hat doesn't make sense for her home of Galveston, which has a hot climate. I imagine it's more of a sunhat now. (Okay this isn't about the supercell's design but I think it's important)

[frankmillerturnonyourlocation]

🎨🧵for the s/i lore questions!

ECHO HIIIIII THANK YOUUUUUUU

🧵Thread: What would you/your self-insert wear in the source your f/o is from? It can be multiple outfits or just one! Bonus: Do you have a weapon? If so, describe it or show it!

Okay so even though it’s fall now and I’m thinking about Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog… their outfit is kinda lame. Crackfic where Doc tries put them into a silly little nurse’s outfit as some semblance of a uniform-slash-henchman-fit.

Aaah yknow what I’m thinking about them now anyway. They dress pretty casually! They’re one of my more masc-skewing inserts– their hair’s long, but almost always tucked up inside of their beanie. (Their design is definitely more cold-weather based… for summer, just picture khaki shorts and a t-shirt/tank top, no bra. hair in a bun for when it’s undeniably too hot for a hat.)

As far as weapons go.... Penny doesn't need weapons, so she has none to lend, lol, and Doc has a weird relationship with ray guns… he designs and creates, like, a lot of them, all different sizes and settings– but he’s kind of finicky about using them when he doesn’t need to, and making sure they’re in top form, well-maintained, etc. Almost like he’s overly-paranoid about them malfunctioning and exploding, or something. Huh. …Needless to say he does not lend any to his shiny new henchman until wayyy later into their partnership– not even the freeze/stun rays. (I’m sure Em steals his once or twice in an emergency here or there.) Something a little more low-tech, though, that they can get away with.

Forgot to draw glasses in the first one but it kinda looks nicer so eh. Apologies for the eraser shavings. You can only get smacked in the head with street signs so many times before you feel like you've gotta start swinging something back.

🎨 Palette: Paint a picture with your words! What is a scene featuring yourself/self-insert that would fit into the source of your f/o? It can be anything!

Hashtag took that literally. Check it out, two totally legit pages leaked from a potential sequel that never saw the light of day:

damn, I wonder how the bad horse chorus was going to finish that song. I wonder what their rhymes were going to be. I guess we'll never know

[daechwitatamic]

Omg we were writing to each other at the same time lol! Yes, I 100% agree with so many of your thoughts on IKTMIT. That's such a cool story about the series being filmed in your hometown and your family almost being in it! As I said, I read this book for the first time when I was in middle school, so needless to say, my brain had not been fully developed yet to think of all of the nuances and the gender issues that you have so aptly pointed out. I grew up in a small New England town with conservative parents and hadn't been exposed to the wonders of feminism yet, so my taking to it was definitely missing the very liberal perspective I have now. But when you said it lives in your head rent free, that's exactly how it feels for me too. Like this book is so visceral and definitely veers into the category of trauma p*rn at times. But I really liked the exploration of generational trauma, mental illness, and the dichotomy between the twins. Thomas is the true hero of the story! It still lives on for me as a formative reading experience. And regardless of the underlying messages, the "blueprint" of it in terms of flashing back and developing the characters over their entire lifetimes is a good example of the kind of novels I like to read. But I can definitely recognize how its problematic now. I re-read it again in college and then I think again as an adult and I feel like I had a similar experience to rewatching a Tarantino movie or Fight Club post-college. Like I thought it was so cool and edgy when I was younger, but when I watch some of it now I'm like okay, what about all the toxic masculinity!? And I think both your assumptions about Wally Lamb are true. I read one of his other novels, She's Come Undone, which has a female narrator and... yikes. Hugely problematic for women, and don't even get me started on how I feel about it as a plus sized person.

I will definitely be back in touch with my thoughts on The Broken Earth, don't you worry! I will let you get back to your regular programming now.

🌴

oof, i can't IMAGINE what that experience would have been like for me at 13. i probably wouldn't have finished it lol when i picked it up from the library and saw what a chonko it was i was like ......i did not know this is what i was signing up for!!!!!!!!

i am DYING to hear your thoughts about Broken Earth as you go!!!! It kind of makes me want to reread!!!

[saltymongoose]

Colorful void player brings me to an unrelated idea

Player has a much more complex form

Ehem..

BE NOT AFRAID

Ah yes, Biblically-Accurate-Angel!Player, my favorite lol. There are a ton of different types of angelic figures to choose from when it comes to this, but for hilarity's sake let's say you end up as one of the more powerful ones. The most "humanoid" of them would make you more like a Cherubim, but even then you'd have three other heads (of an eagle(?), ox, and lion) and hooves along with wings. This is already pretty "out there" to the grunts, but the most terrifying would be the seraphim version because omg (seriously, check under the cut if you wanna see a gif of one, it's really weird lol).

You'd just be a gigantic floating mess of eyes and wings (maybe a couple stray hands to control the strings somewhere?). In all likelihood, they can't even see most of your actual form because their brains can't even comprehend what other features you might have in addition to that. You could have multiple mouths, limbs, horns, teeth; anything else that just evades their eyes. Needless to say, other normal grunts would either succumb to existential madness or probably suffer from a shock-induced heart attack just from seeing you.

Not your grunts though (which is honestly a bit weird to you). Jeb and Phobos would probably take your form as a sign of your power seeping through to the physical realm, something that confirms your "godliness". Deimos would think you're "really fucking cool", and probably asks you to pick him up and fly around cause it seems like fun lol. Sanford and Doc would be more on the inquisitive side; both of them are really curious about your abilities and your form (though 2B's is more on the clinical side). Hank is completely obsessed with the sheer power your form exudes. Seriously, you're overwhelming to the point normal grunts can't even see most of you, which is so admirable to him for some reason. Tricky would probably be in the same boat, though he'd probably try to impress you more often now, either by massacring grunts before your current vessel can get to them or by offering to spar you instead.

So yeah, all your vessels are strangely into it lol. 👍

[In case you wanna see a realistic version of what you'd look like, here you go. :)]

(TW: Disturbing imagery.)

[softthrillz]

Endurance Athlete Feedist Daydreams

It’s nearing the end of marathon season and my last big race is coming up this weekend, and I haven’t been able to get this special vision of how a feedist relationship in which one partner is an avid distance runner/endurance athlete might play out. We runners have to eat a lot, and I often have trouble getting in enough calories to maintain my weight, balancing out my energy output with enough input. It’s not been my most grueling training plan, but I consistently run about 80 miles a week, and sometimes the intensity of my workouts can ironically make it a bit harder to work up an appetite. I couldn’t help but wondering what it’d be like to have a fat cutie by my side during this training period, what it might be like in the future.... I envisioned a plush partner who loves to eat and cook, loving baking, experimenting with different macro ratios to optimize for things like pre-workout fueling needs and post-workout recovery--snacking all throughout on these various baked goods, encouraging me when I have trouble eating because of the toll intense training can take on the stomach/digestive system (not to mention the exhaustion). Eating my leftovers is just a bonus, of course. Coming back from a long run on the weekend to a shower shake on the counter and a kiss on the cheek as they’re making the fixing for chimichangas--unquestionably a true breakfast of champions (a shower shake is a post-run shake you can just bring with you and drink in the shower lmao--like a shower beer--needless to say, we runners are weird lol--I mean, we just enjoy running around for hours, no surprise there haha), all the while sipping a shake of their own, because why not? Gotta keep their belly nice and topped off. Don’t mind the bits of tofu scram, breakfast potatoes, and soyrizo they’ve been tasting throughout the morning--that’s just being a proper chef! Gotta taste before you waste. Or something like that. Bringing back burgers, fries, and shakes from that new vegan diner down the street one evening after work, enough for my fill, and a daring amount for my tubby love. I help feed them as they start to slow down, offering them sips of their milkshake in between bites, simultaneously cooling them down and filing them up with an absolutely divine oat- and tahini-based chocolate shake. Rubbing their big, inviting belly, pushing along the sides and upper arch in strategic moves to alleviate errant pressure.  “Good job, baby, you ate so much for me,” I’d say.  After languidly basking in the haze of their hedonistic fullness, they likewise help me, noticing I’ve only eaten half my burger and a few sips of my shake. Knowing I ran 16 miles earlier that morning and that I have a sensitive stomach, one soft-but-sure arm comes around to gently hold me around my ribs, pulling me closer, leaning against their squishy side, their other hand coming to slowly brush gently across my stomach. ”Stomach giving you trouble? You need to finish that darling, let me help you,” they’d tell me. After working through our respective meals, in a sneakily caring plan to get more food into me after an intense week of training, they bring out some Tupperware filled with the pastries and other goods they baked to munch on while catching up on a show that night, ending up eating 3 or 4 or 5 for every one they got in me, but it works for us, for both of our goals, seemingly divergent, but actually at least parallel, harmonious even. Serving one another in this interesting feedist dynamic, where the feedee and feeder live outside of a rigid feedism binary and moreso in a synergistic space of care and affection and heat, realistically adaptable to situational realities, but familiar in many ways beyond those unique personal qualities.  Gosh, I can imagine finishing a race and seeing their cherubic cheeks bunched up in a laughing cheer, holding a sign in one hand and a snack in the other, falling into the soft, plush, pillowy form of an absolute babe, feeling flush and wild and electric with that post-race energy, the crowd still cheering as fellow runners cross the finish line. “I’m so proud of you, darling,” I imagine they’d tell me as I catch my breath, “you made it!” Cheekily, I might look at them mischievously and say, “wanna go help reup my glycogen stores?” And with a brilliant grin they’d reply, absentmindedly rubbing their ever-burgeoning belly in anticipation “of course baby, I’ve been planning this feast for AGES. First we’re going to go to...” I’d lovingly gaze at them as they guide me in my post-race daze back to the car, excited to eat hard after a long 26.2 miles on the road--and ensure my partner more than matches me and then some while we’re at it.... Yeah, I can definitely envision that.😌

[disneyanddisneyships]

Rosalyn calling Deena for breakfast and she finds her swimming in her big ass bath tub in siren form and she almost has a heart attack. (Also because Deena has similar eyes as a snake lol)

"Hey my love, why don't you go get Deena for breakfast?" Alistat stated as he and Rosalyn began setting the table.

"Of course! I'll be right back!" Rosalyn replied as she set down a plate and walked to deenas room.

"Deena?" She called as she knocked on the door.

No answer.

Rosalyn walked into the room. No sign of Deena.

Just as she was about to walk out, Rosalyn heard a sound from the bathroom.

"Deena?" She called as she walked in.

Only to find Deena I. Her bathtub, in her siren form, with her snake-like tail.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rosalyn let out a high pitched screech, snapping Deena out of her trance as she saw Rosalyn back out of her bathroom only to trip over something and fall to the ground with an 'oof'.

"ITS JUST ME!" Deena called as she grabbed her towel and dried her tail as fast as she could with the water still draining.

"NO YOURE A SNAKE WHAT THE FU-"

"ITS ME! IM A SIREN. YOU KNEW THAT!" Deena shouted.

"NOT TO THIS EXTENT I DIDINT!" Rosalyn replied.

Needless to say, Rosalyn was a bit more scared of Deena from then on.

[edensrose]

Lol I got an idea

✨sugar daddy gustang✨

I’m simping too much for this man👩‍🦯

This was probably a brainrot but I decided to make it into some headcanons because I had a fun idea 😂💔

ৎ୭ — summary : po bidau gustang as a sug*r d*ddy

ৎ୭ — type : headcanon

ৎ୭ — genre : miscellaneous

ৎ୭ — warnings : MINORS DNI // hints at sexual content but honestly there's no actual description // sug*r d*ddy themes

ৎ୭ — word count : 406

ৎ୭ — taglist : @shanmie @hirzaeth @neylia18 @samaseo @lvfel // please fill out this form if you'd like to be added

•Don’t even ask how this all started because honestly? He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t know how, what, when, where or why, he just knows that you’re his now and maybe - just maybe it makes him a bit happier

•Gustang needed some kind of distraction in his life after his divorce from Blossom. Let me tell you how it all started. You were a mere ranker, bored with life and deciding to sign up for one of those sug*r b*by apps. It wasn’t like you were doing anything with your life after climbing the tower. On the other hand, Gustang had found himself a little too woozy one night after a particular experiment that left him high in the clouds. You can probably imagine what happened next

•Needless to say, he was taken aback when you showed up at his floating castle - just as you were when you realised that it was THE HEAD of the Po Bidau Family

•A w k w a r d

•However, he had too much pride to turn you away. He decided to act as if this was all intentional and honestly? He managed to fool you. He invited you and acted as if he knew exactly what was going on but in reality? When he excused himself he had immediately whipped out his pocket and searched anything and everything that he needed to know

•It took a lot of getting used to. Honestly? He was just prepared to spoil you - which is exactly what he did. Jewellery, clothes, dates wherever you want - you name it

•What he. . . wasn’t prepared for was the other part of this arrangement. You swear you’ve never seen a man look more puzzled when you climbed yourself in his lap to ‘repay’ him

•Psh, he enjoyed every second of it like the touch-starved bastard that he is. You were honestly quite proud of the fact that you got a family head to lose all sense of morale and composure with you

•Sometimes it felt as if you were his lover, with how he treated you. Gustang never made you feel as though you were an object to his lust. If anything, you were the one who initiated the majority of your intimate moments

•Maybe you were falling for him, maybe you weren’t. Same goes for Gustang. He hasn’t felt this alive since his time of climbing the tower. Who knows where this may lead

[softcallofdutyimagines]

An oddly specific hc:

Weaver, Mason, Woods, Adler, and Hudson with an S/O who likes to give+recieve cuddles. (Guess whose love language is physical touch? Is me.)

DJDJDJSJ LITERALLY ALL OF MY HUSBANDS IN ONE ASK !!!! You know, love languages for the squad might be an interesting one, one day! I feel you tho, mine is words of affirmation but physical touch is a super close second 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Phew I went kind of all in on these, so sorry of they're really long or rambly, but I hope you enjoy them!! Weaver and Woods even feature a little dad bod action bc ik that's our thing 😌😌💅🏻

Adler

Honestly, at first he's not use to it

In fact, you'd be forgiven to think he didn't like it at all

However, he never shuts you down either...

If you persevere for long enough and are able to gain his trust, you'll be rewarded to find that he actually quite enjoys your touch

Well, more then enjoys I'd say

Adlers job is a lonely and thankless one, and although he could hardly bring himself to admit as much...

The loneliness takes a toll on him

He is only interested in receiving that kind of affection from someone he has a connection with, so as you can imagine, it's harm for him to get that need fulfilled without you

In a way, he grows rather addicted to you

You're the first thing he goes for when he comes home after time away

All in all, he's down for whatever you've got to give, but his favorite thing to do is to hold you

Whether that be while cuddled up and or just standing in place, it doesn't matter to him

In turn, he particularly likes when you stroke his jawline or pepper him with kisses

He's very sensitive about his face and scars as you know, doubly so after the torture and rescue stuff he went through

So when you show extra affection to that spot, not only is it a huge sign of his trust in you, but it also just so happens to make him melt

Hudson

Hudson is an extremely similar case to Adler in that, although you wouldn't guess it, he craves physical touch

In fact, Hudson might be even worse off

I would argue that at least Adler works with his task force members, but Hudson???

He's more or less forced to stick to the shadows and only speak to others on a more or less need to know basis

Given that cannon Hudson has a whole wife and kids, I get the feeling that he just wants to be loved damn it!!!

So all this to say that, unlike Adler, I don't think Hudson would be even remotely as coy with his desire for affection

I mean, if you've managed to snag a relationship with him, he must trust you a whole lot already, so why not just clear the air, right?

However, I will say that I think he might be a little shy about it

What if he comes across as too needy or something? Not a good look for a grown man, surely

As a result, if he has nothing more pressing to attend to, he'll be your shadow around the house all day long, from one room to the next

Of course, he does his best to not follow you step for step or do anything else that would obviously give him away, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what he wants

You'll have to invite him to come to you most of the time

And good thing too, bc when he's with you, it's like heaven

He's fond of simply collapsing into your lap when your seated, or across your torso when laying down

From there, you can do whatever you want

If you really wanted, you could balance a damn book on his back and just read in silence for all he cares

As long as he can have that physical connection to you, it doesn't matter

This is another area where he's a step up in extreme from Adler

While Adler wants you, Hudson needs you

You're like his one place of rest in the whole world, the only place he can be safe and forget about his work, and you have no idea how much that means to him

Mason

Personally, I think Alex is probably the one most (relatively lmao) well adjusted adult of the group

He of course loves receiving physical affection from you, but he doesn't need to rely on it as some sort of coping mechanism

While he can be a little clingy, its a usually only after times that he has to be away for a long while

Personally, I feel like Alex is the safest for me to say that he probably also has physical touch as his love language as well!

He will often come seek you out just as much as you so for him, and he has no problem requesting some snuggle time

Mason is perfectly confident in his masculinity after all, so asking if you wouldn't mind cuddling him is a simple task in his eyes

The height of his interest in touch comes when he's trying to sleep though

He's prone to pretty awful night terrors given all that he's been through, so I'd say that's the only real time that he truly does rely on you and your gift

Even if it's just something as small as holding his hand while you lay next to him, any little bit helps

He definitely notices more difficulty sleeping when you're not around, so he's thankful for you for sure

Mason is also pretty big on pda I think lol

Like holding hands, hugging, and kissing...

None of that bothers him!

Although he enjoys nearly all forms of touch from you, he'd have to admit that he loves it the most even you run his back or hold his hands

It's... Comforting

Weaver

Off, poor Weaver, he's a mess

Imagine someone who burns with an all consuming desire just to be touched damn it !!! like Hudson does, and yet has ten times the reservations and insecurities about it as Adler does

That's close to what Weaver is like

He's extremely shy around you, just to start off

In fact, he's probably still star struck that you actually wanted to be in a relationship with him in the first place

And so, he's not sure how to act...

He really is a big softie on the inside, and yet he's not sure if you'd like that

After all, he's the big, tough Russian guy to everyone else

That's who you met, so it would make sense that that's what you want, right?

While Hudson would warm up after a while and, albeit awkwardly I'm sure, ask you for some cuddling time or some such...

... Weaver almost never asks, but will instead make it painfully obvious that he wants it lol

It definitely does not help that he's quite insecure with his appearance

These days, he's a just a touch more soft and round then he use to be, and that's on top of his missing eye and greying hair

If you are of the opinion that such things only make him more suited for cuddling, warm and comfy as he is, it will take him an awful long time to believe you

Buuuuuuut...

Although he loves to pretend he only tolerates his at best, he does rather enjoy it when you give his chest or tummy some affection

It's sort of like Adler and his scars: Weaver loathes the state of his abdomen, amongst other things, but he must admit...

He likes that you like it

Woods

Geez, Woods is probably as opposite from Weaver as it gets

I once heard the phrase "a dog in human form", and honestly?

It doesn't get more accurate then that

This man lives for attention and the fact that you want to give it to him, drives him crazy

He's pretty shameless, and is down to be touched or felt basically whenever

It's to the point that he's taken up walking around the house shirtless just in anticipation of any cuddling or rubs to be had

He's a bit performative about it, which can be either entertaining or annoying depending, but he never misses an opportunity to show off his muscles to you and let you have a feel

Really though, anywhere you want to touch, however you want to do it, go ahead baby! He'll eat it up lmao

Of course, if you catch him at a time in his life where he's going the route of Weaver and developing some dad bod...

Totally different story

If that's the case, he's extremely adverse to letting you touch places like his thighs, chest, and of course his stomach

Really, just anywhere that's filled out

Which in his mind, could very well extend to his body as a whole

Needless to say, this creates a very powerful inner turmoil between his desire to be near to you and impress you, and his fear of rejection

With this Woods, it'll take a loooot of gentle touches and reasurace to bring him around

But once he trusts you, he's be right back to how toned Woods would act

Bare chested, tummy out, and ready for some lovin 😌

[bowl-of-shortness]

oh I'd love to hear more about your Familiar AU and/or your Oz Lives AU!👀

Well there are a few points of interest

Generally the au becomes very episodic and slice of life-y, the two go around helping people and doing things. And they also learn a lot about each other, learning about each other’s pasts and dreams and stuff.

During one of these missions Oz ends up dying but reincarnates into a demon himself (something common with those who have familiars)

He’s a bit clumsy at first but Qrow teaches him how to basically be a demon and how the demon realm works, and surprisingly, he’s a pretty good teacher.

Through his own studies and Qrow’s teaching, Ozpin becomes a pretty powerful and well respected contract demon and gets to chill both in the mortal realm and the demon realm. Still helping people wherever he can.

However he does get the big guns attention since he’s working with Qrow (an equally powerful destruction demon) and because of his quickly rising status among other demons for his unprecedented way of getting power.

See, in order for a demon to get power from another demon, they have to eat the soul (or just the demon entirely) of the demon in order to gain more power. Oz doesn’t do this because he sees it as pretty barbaric, and uses his ability with contracts to get demons to sign away their souls to him and in return he makes a man made soul for them instead.

So needless to say, the big guns start taking interest in his methods, those big guns include ironwood and his group of demons who are the ace ops in this au, Raven, Summer, Tai, And Glynda.

Of course some of those demons are nicer than others, but some of those demons also have no great history with Qrow who is very protective of Oz despite his power level.

Qrow becomes a sort of bodyguard to Oz while still being his own power demon causing problems and mischief. Oz also finds a more trickster and mischievous side to himself, finding that he can actually be pretty awful to people but just chooses not to be most times.

These two demons are pretty much a power couple.

(Oz’s demon form is also based off of a spider, since contracts remind me of a spider trapping a bug in its web sort of thing. So no horns unfortunately but he does get more arms.)

(Qrow is jealous that oz has 8 arms and he only have 4 lol)

[plutoswrath]

hi luca! whos chart in nct r ur fav?? <3

Hello! x An eXCELlent question, truly, one of my favorite activities became gushing over anything nct related at this point asdfgh. Short disclaimer: No ones birth chart is ‘bad’, in astrology there isn’t such thing as a ‘bad’ birth chart, this is all just my personal preference and has nothing to do with the native of the natal chart, there’s no favoritism playing into this, just plain astrological interest! 

Continue to read under cut, long post ahead!

Taeyong: I think I’ve mentioned before that I really really like his birth chart!! I love the different elements and modalities playing into it, it truly is a very good representation of the chaotic, yet sincere and creative individual he is, just really following the beat of his own drum! Also, he’s such a warm and kind person that just really shows in his chart. I do have to say that I love love love Virgo Mars people, I generally love Virgo placements and people with profound Virgo influence, but Taeyong is really hard working and caring and it truly ties to the expectations he not only has for himself, but also that he feels responsible for other people by nature probably (Mars in Virgo in the 7th, especially in opposition to his Saturn) and his really bright and carefree creative streak really shines through with that Sagittarius MC and Gemini Mercury and Venus!! I also mean this with 100% positivity when I say he’s really quirky, always a little bit ‘out of the box’ compared to other people and still just a really authentic person, no matter how ‘odd’ he might come across and his chart just really shows that: being true and sincere because there’s nothing else he can do than being true to himself! An absolute unit, a cancerian enigma as it is written in the books!! 

Jeno: Finally I get the opportunity to talk about this chart!!! Because oh boy do I have opinions on this!!!! First of all: He is an earth sign with a Sagittarius Moon and I love love love this combination in general, especially with his Venusian sun and a Jupiterian Moon it makes for a person that can create a really nice atmosphere, just really pleasant to be with and probably values the good things in life (that defenitely included the small things!!). Looking at Jenos joyous vibe the combi just seems to make sense, I also love the combination of his Taurus stellium and the Aries Venus and Mercury, the dynamic of fixed earth and cardinal fire usually makes a person that is really determined and ambitious. I know it’s not the same as having an Aries Mars, but nontheless Aries energy can create sparks of creativity that the Taurean nature wants to pursue and can actually pull through, because if there’s one thing Taurus is good at then it’s being persistant about anything they love and put their heart in! 

Yuta: I’ve written quiet a bit about his chart, and to be honest my opinion of his chart changed over time, because of his personality and the way we got to know him. In a way, the more I’ve seen of Yuta, the more intruiged I was by the way his birth chart lives out; his chart seems pretty overwhelming at first glance, but what I do love are his two stelliums of Scorpio and Sagittarius. The dynamic of these two neighboring signs is literally diving deep, feeling even more deeper and then fully letting go of it to look into the future and at life with a hopeful and excited attitude. I think his birth chart also reflect the potential of someone self reflected and restless, always being up for transformation and not stagnating, because self developement is the only thing that make sense: with his the individual might feel like they need to surrender to this energy, and eventually it’s true. I think..he’s just a good reflection of his birth chart, I think there’s no other way for him than making sense of all this energy clusters that are in his chart anyway, but yes! I think he’s just an enigma and I’m here for it!!!

Xiaojun: Okay, I will say one thing I love Leo sun in combination with cancer placements, preferably Moon and Mercury. I just noticed that Leo people with profound Cancer in their chart are so incredibly warm people and they just want nothing more than love, they really just want pure and unfiltered emotion and they gladly give this back in return. I think needless to say this makes for a very sensitive person, and Xiaojun defenitely is that too, but it also makes them give that same amount of empathy back and especially the combination with Virgo Venus creates it a wish for devotion. I will be honest I usually I am always a tat critical when I see Scorpio Mars placed in the chart of a fire sign, but I think with him it just adds to this wholehearted and passionate nature of his, plus I think this makes for a really tough cookie, I think viewing his chart critically the first thing that one would notice is the huge water sign energy, but he also has lots of fixed sign modality playing into it, so I firmly believe he is a real go getter, motivated by his passions and working quietly on it instead of being a bragger (because this might just bite him back in the end). 

Kun: I will be very honest, the first impression of his chart was a ‘........oh no’ for me asdfgh, same with Yutas chart, just because of the huge stellium they both share, for Kun it would be his 5 planets in Capricorn. Stelliums are usually known to be a very tricky thing to have in ones birth chart, most of the time stelliums can symbolize a crossroad of potentials and thus can end in a lot of indecisevness for an individual. I think Kun is just one of the best examples of how far one can push the possibilities of a stellium, especially if we consider his confirmed birth time, thus giving him also a 6th house stellium. I think I’m just really fascinated how 6th house stelliums play out (look at Bang Chans 6th house stellium, that guy does everything and is everyhwere, just like Kun) and if we stick to the rules of astrology, hoh boy does his facial bone structure reflect this huge Caprciorn influence, and now to top it all of with my personal preferences: I have a huge huge soft spots for Taurus Moons and I think I like the combination of his Capricorn sun and Taurus Moon a lot, overall his chart just reflects his determination and ambitious nature, work is done thoroughly and attentively, and let’s not forget that his determination is also a big representation of how much he cares (Taurus Moon in the 10th?? It’s more likely than you think asdfgh). 

Jungwoo: It’s all because of his Scorpio Moon, I’m outing myself now, Water suns with Water Moons, especially when the Moon is in Scorpio and Pisces, usually have something very magnetic about them, same can be said with Water suns with Water risings. I think the interest and strong liking I build for his chart came along with his personality, another enigma at hands, Jungwoo is a really nuanced person and I really enjoy when he talks honestly about his feelings and other members in interviews, or just talks casually in vlives, because it gives you a good glance of anything beside his really funny and goofy side (which is by the way no form of complaint here, if there’s one thing no one wants to miss it’s Jungwoos shenanigans asdfgk). I don’t know why but teh first time I looked at his chart I just said ‘Huh???’ out loud because I was really suprised by his Moon sign and Venus. He has an Aquarius and Pisces stellium and i think this might overshadow the other placements a lot, especially since his Sun is in a degree of 0 and his Neptune as well (as Neptune rules Pisces it would be good to look at that planet as well lol). Well yeah, i think it only make sense that everyone got so intruiged by Jungwoo over the last time, I kind of feel the same as with Jaehyun with him, all that Aquarius and Pisces makes people have a harder time seeing them ‘clearly’ at times and also probably projecting a lot on them, so yeah. This is my statement asdfghjk

Sungchan: He’s a Virgo sun, what can I say, that already made me happy asdfghj but I do like the Earth Sun and Water Moon combo, it’s also funny that he has a planet occupying every sign from Gemini to Libra, especially since they’re all personal, plus his Mars in Capricorn of course. Since Sungchan is new to nct I still am very hesitant to making any statement but overall I just like to look at the chart, it seems just very balanced and I can’t wait to sotr his placements to various reactions and moments in a year when we have a lot of content at hand! 

Chenle: I know his sun sign could actually vary, but I will hold close to him being a Scorpio, he has an Aquarius stellium as well (seriously 60% of nct has an Aquarius stellium, despite the fact that they already have so many Aquarians in the band asdfghjkl), which squares his Scorpio stellium, and then add the trine to his Saturn and his Jupiter to it. Maybe that’s a very weird reason, but I like the way the chart physically looks (yes that is maybe not really based on any astrological explainations, but it’s just really interesting to look at). I also do know another Scorpio sun with Aquarius Moon in real life, and they do have their similarities, I also see a lot of Aquarius and Scorpio friends and couples in real life, so even though these signs square the other, I think they seem to find common ground or make amends pretty quickly. I think it’s just the mix of energies that clash here that are really intruiging to me!

[blackberry-gingham]

This was kinda inspired by the previous anons request but could you write headcannons/imagines (whichever you think fits best) about being an actress and meeting their lad on the set of one of their movies/a movie

(Ok ik I have other requests waiting looong behind this one, but it's going to bug me if I don't do this first, so I'll post my next chronological request tomorrow instead of my usual every other dayish schedule! Thanks guys ❤️)

Honestly, the absolute MOOD™ of this gif has been on my mind for like all of the following imagines. Like the on periodt FLAVOR that actress is rocking, all done up and everything ?? John or [insert one of the other three] ob-sessed with you ?? Literally yes. So yeah, there's my overview lol, the rest is up to your imagination!

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! 😌

George

You meet George on your way to grab a little refreshment before your scene in between takes

You've got a nice little flute of wine, to calm the nerves of course, when suddenly you get bumped rather harshly from behind!

Luckily your drink spilled on the floor and not your nice costume, but still, you're about to give whomever it is a piece of your mind!!

You turn on a dime and come face to face with... Oh

There, only inches away, stands the George Harrison, with a mouthful of food, a wrapped up snack for later, and eyes wide as saucers

It's a race to see who can apologise first

While you over come your shock at nearly cursing out one of the stars of the show, he hurriedly chews and swallows the last of his snack

"I'm so sor-" "-eg your pardon!"

You overlap each other with your apologies, causing a similar scenario again as you both accept the other's apology

The two of you chuckle a bit at that

At this point, George feels like he's just now getting a good look at you

He wonders if you're a recent hire, bc otherwise he certainly would've noticed the most beautiful woman in the building before now

Suddenly a touch self conscious, he wipes the crumbs from the corners of his mouth and scrambles for a way to make small talk

It's not really his forte, you see

Luckily, you come in to save him

You cock your head to look at his napkin of snacks

"What have you got there?"

"Oh these? N-nothing, just some scones or something like that"

He crosses his arms behind his back, like he's embarrassed to be caught smuggling snacks

"Oh! Have you tried the cream cheese and raspberry ones? They're to die for!"

George loosens up a bit. He wouldn't have guessed you were something of a food fan too...

He brings around his napkin of goodies and unwraps it a bit for you to see

"I have actually, would you like one?"

You thank him and take one, savouring the flavor while he pops another into his mouth as well

"See, quite good! Although, I'd dare say mine are better"

You laugh, but George simply stares

"You bake?" He says through a mouthful of scone, eyes alight

Of course you confirm that you do indeed, and your cooking is fantastic too, thank you very much!

The two of you talk about some of your favorite treats to make and from there... Well, George is pretty sure he's met his soul mate

John

Now when you meet John, I think you approach him!

He's backstage taking a smoke

You'd think he's just having a quick break to relax before filming starts, but the way he's looking around, shifting his weight, and fiddling with his outfit says it all

Classic stage fright

You remember those days, but as a seasoned, successful actress, you've learned a few tips and tricks you think might help!

For one thing, getting to know more then just your co-stars is a bit of a relief

Plus, I mean... It's John Lennon! And have I mentioned you're a bit of a fan?

So you approach, completely unfazed, and poor old Lennon does a double take

Out of gentlemanly habit, he immediately puts out his dart when he sees you coming

You come right up and introduce yourself with a "how do you do"

Now at this point, normally he'd respond with a witty but dirty pick up line, but...

He can't tell if he's just not in the mood from his nerves or what, but he just can't bring himself to do it

Or maybe... Maybe there's just something about you?

It's not every day such a fetching woman approaches him without screaming her head off and begging for an autograph in the process

Besides, there's just this air of confidence about you that puts him at ease

You make it look so effortless too!

He wishes he could be like that...

John nods respectfully with a quiet "just fine thanks"

He doesn't bother to introduce himself, he simply assumes everyone here knows who he is

You tilt your head and smile invitingly

"Are you sure? Excuse me for saying so, but you seem a bit nervous"

Well, regarding the filming coming up, he was a bit, but standing here, talking with you?

He certainly is now!

"It's fine, just thinking about my lines and such"

You can tell he's lying, but you let the matter go to switch up tactics

"Well I'm sure you'll be just fine out ther- Oh? Hold on..."

You casually saunter up to him as though you've known him for years to straighten his tie and smooth down his lapels

Despite your boldness, John puts up no resistance. In fact, he finds he rather enjoys your touch

He's so use to a more... different sort of touch when it comes to women, to the point that he's nearly forgotten just how fulfilling soft and gentle contact like this can be

Forgetting himself, John leans into your palms a bit as you finish petting them across the chest of his suit

You definitely notice, but decide to have mercy and say nothing about it

"Just remember, if you need a little stage advice out there, I'll be around"

You wink at him and walk off to your dressing room

John waits a moment until your out of sight, weighing what just happened in his mind

You know what?

He smiles to himself and jogs after you

Maybe he does want some advice...

Paul

Now Paul I think is the one guy of the four to seek you out!

You're relaxing in your dressing room adding just a few small touch ups to your lipstick and so on until you're on

When the gentle knock comes to your door, you assume it's your assistant come to fetch you

You check the time and then hurry over to answer the door

"Yes yes, I-"

Paul is standing with his hands clasped behind his back, a respectful distance from your door

When he'd heard you were the leading lady of this film, he knew he simply had to see you in person

He's a bit of a fan himself you see, and he can tell you right now, the camera doesn't do you half justice

Paul's mouth forms a little "O" as he looks you up and down so quick, it's almost subtle

Not at all impressed, you look at him expectantly, but try to hold back any attitude

"Can I help you, Mr. McCartney?"

He snaps out of his daydream and at last looks at you with the respect you deserve

"Oh, my apologies love, I just wanted to greet my co-star!"

Paul gingerly takes your hand and kisses your knuckles

Alright, maybe you're a little impressed

"I've heard so much about you, I couldn't believe it when they told me you were going to be a part of our little film"

He laughs, and then clears his throat awkwardly

"Sorry, I guess I'm just something of a fan"

You're a bit taken aback to see Paul, the ladies man himself, McCartney acting flustered, but what a compliment for one of the Beatles to be a fan of you

Needless to say, you're nice about his being awkward and hang around for a little conversation

He tells you about all the movies he's seen you in and how wonderful a job he thought you did

You're really enjoying the moment, after all, what a rare one it is! Until your assistant comes to fetch you and Paul for filming

"Oh yes, we'll be right along!"

Paul calls after your assistant and more or less shoos them away

Once you two are alone again, Paul fidgets a moment fishing around in his pockets

"Now I know you get this a lot-"

He pulls out a newspaper article and a pen, then holds them out to you

Upon closer inspection, it's the headline from when you were recognized for your first acting award

"But could I please get your autograph?"

Then he leans in and whispers, "and please don't tell the lads..."

You laugh and assure him his secret is safe as you sign your name in flowing script before handing him his prize

Paul looks like a child in a candy shop, he's so excited

You smile sweetly and begin heading towards the filming site

Before you know it Paul trots up beside you, following close

He looks from you to his newspaper clipping once and then twice before his eyes linger on you

"You know, I have a record from one of your plays back at the hotel... Could you-?"

At first you shoot him a look, but the puppy eyes he's giving you assures you he means no funny business, so you promise him ❤️

Ringo

You meet Ringo backstage in between sets, right before your scene

And when I tell you the first time Ringo sees you, he immediately knows he would die for you...

!!! RINGO. IS. STAR STRUCK !!!

You're already gorgeous as is, so when his first time seeing you is all done up with your hair, outfit, and makeup for the movie he's just BLOWN AWAY

And as he should be 💅🏻

There's still a decent bit of time before he needs to take his place or anything like that, which is good bc his brain is in a whole other dimension rn

You're absolutely magnetic and all he can think to do is approach

"Oh, hello Mr. Starr! Can I help you?"

"hi"

You blink at him for a moment, not quite sure what's happening

But when it hits you, you quickly cover your mouth with a gloved hand, trying your very best not to laugh at the poor guy

Ringo however, is completely under your spell at the moment

"I uuuuh, I'm Ringo"

His big droopy eyes are absolutely transfixed in a dreamlike haze on your beautiful face, and he offers you his hand to shake

Now you're REALLY trying not to laugh

You give his hand a shake, brushing off any awkward feelings, and introduce yourself

Ringo repeats your name aloud, looking now as though he's been transported into a dream

That's your name? He loves that name! How did you know!

After a moment of awkward silence while you let him process, he thankfully seems to return to reality

"Ahem, sorry, I didn't mean to bother you"

He looks away quickly, now starting to realize he's made himself out to be quite the fool

"Well I feel rather silly, uh"

He scratches his neck and sneaks a glance up at you

Thankfully, you're very understanding! You have a lot of fans, and his behavior isn't quite unheard of in your experience

"Oh, no no! It's no trouble at all!"

You give a genuine laugh and tell him you're always glad to meet a fan

Ringo responds with a little humor to relieve any last traces of tension or awkwardness and then laughs his deep, goofy laugh

You contemplate what a strange but wonderful sound it is

And you know? wouldn't mind sticking around to hear it again...

Besides, he's clearly already very interested in you

That, and it's nice to meet a gentle soul amongst your fan base, rather then the clamoring men and women you're used to

Ringo smiles at you with pure admiration, before picking up some easy small talk with you, just as though you're anyone else

It's at that moment you officially fall for him

[avidrawsthings]

Why to this day I still believe Rowan deserved better

This was meant to be an observation on several characters in Hogwarts Mystery, but Rowan's entry took over lol I'll cover the others in a separate post since this one's already gonna be lengthy.

Spoilers for Year 6 included!

Short version: They didn't get the chance to grow and develop in the way they should've, and what became of them following Year 6 never sat right with me.

Long version below the cut:

Rowan is the character most of us expected would grow into the nerdy best friend that would eventually break out of their shell and become awesome in their own right. All of the signs were there, but as we all know how the game progressed, that was no longer the case.

It became evident they weren't going to be Hogwarts' youngest professor since there's no hint of them during the Harry Potter years. Some suspected something bad might've happened, while others (like myself) felt that they simply chose a different career path or became professor at another school.

NOPE

Rowan was the first character we mastered our friendship with and after the first 3-4 years, were barely included in the plot. As the player, we literally had no choice as we were forced to spend less and less time with them. The Celestial Ball was possibly the only event where Rowan truly shined in my opinion, and in my playthrough with Reina I always made the choices where I'd spent the most time with them.

Not only is the player not given a choice in interacting with Rowan, but then you get guilt tripped for it when Rowan calls out MC in Year 5 for only reaching out to them when they needed something.

(OUCH lol)

Personally, I found that to be rather jarring and unfair, not just to Rowan but to the player. Rather than forcing the player to not interact with them, why not give the player the option in doing so? Rowan's comment above would've been far more justified if the player intentionally chose to ignore them.

By Year 6, players noted Rowan was seen sitting alone and sad in places like the Library and The Three Broomsticks. When you get around to talking to them later on, this is elaborated on by them saying their mutual friends were more MCs friends which never made sense to me. Their friends cared for Rowan just as much as they did MC. Barnaby commented at one point that Rowan was a great friend and excellent tutor.

Then that dreaded event happens in Chapter 18 and just like that, Rowan's gone.

(No, I'm not posting the screenshot of their dead body. The face they made still creeps me the hell out.) - Screenshot taken from Reddit

Needless to say, most of us certainly didn't see this coming. I know I didn't. Even some of Rowan's biggest haters were shocked at where this headed (I'm sure there was the handful that celebrated but they're irrelevant). While I was already starting to lose interest in the game because the gameplay became so TEDIOUS for me, this was what drove me to officially stop playing altogether. The only times I do play is for either the Quidditch chapters or some of the Side Quests.

By this point in time I was at the final quarter of Year 5 (second time around with Reina after the previous file got corrupted and erased), and to this day I haven't touched the main storyline. I'll be honest, seeing that "friendship is forever" above is kind of insulting considering the player was never given a choice. Rowan only became relevant again after being murdered and that has always rubbed me the wrong way. Remember how we were lead to believe the casualty was going to be Ben, since in the prior chapter he made it clear he wasn't afraid of dying?

The Head Boy/Girl TLSQ further cemented my feelings on this matter (didn't play it but I saw the screenshots from those that did). Sure, it adds a layer of tragedy depending on who you ask, but overall I never liked this development. With the way several other characters received some form of development over time (Talbott and Chiara anyone?), having what became of Rowan cements my belief that we were robbed of great potential.

THEY DESERVED BETTER

-Screenshot taken from Google

To this day I feel this encounter is what sealed Rowan's fate. At the time this chapter came out, Ben and Rowan were the least popular characters.

Feel free to add on to this if you like!

One more thing to add, you're free to disagree with Jam City's writing, but for the love of decency, sending death threats their way isn't the way to do it. Just don't.

[smiting-finger]

Bin AU Headcanons

Part II of the (〃ω〃) 500 followers! unwritten-headcanon amnesty (some given in response to AO3 comment questions, and others given unsolicited, lol), this time for Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart and from me to you, my heart to yours

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian

Pre-Wei Wuxian’s first arrest, Lan Wangji was quietly volunteering as general legal aid (helping old migrants with their internet/other service contracts, helping women with their domestic violence paperwork), and then Wei Wuxian gets arrested at a protest and Lan Wangji is not there and he doesn’t know this area of law so he signs up to get involved with Activist Legal Support the next day.

Relatedly: Lan Wangji’s approach to helping Wei Wuxian has always been to turn up, do what needs to be done for Wei Wuxian to achieve his goals and then silently leave again. So when the two goobers eventually move in together (and are finally fully in each other’s space, and fully across each other’s movements), Wei Wuxian goes through a period of constant realisations like “Oh, Lan Zhan, you’re the one who’s been doing this? This as well?! THAT, TOO???”

Pre-fake dating, Lan Wangji knows that Wei Wuxian won’t keep any gifts given by secret admirers, but will shamelessly accept anything that Lan Wangji gives him outright as a friend (”friend”). He derives a petty satisfaction from that, and so has responded more than once to a gift-incident by giving Wei Wuxian a corresponding gift of his own:

So if he heard about the gift socks, he’d go out and get Wei Wuxian a pair of novelty There’s No Planet B! socks, which Wei Wuxian would naturally wear both immediately and proudly with his shortest pair of 4/5ths pants. (And Lan Wangji would stand next to him and somehow radiate smugness without making any change to his expression.)

Needless to say, Wei Wuxian has received a lot of Lan Wangji chocolate (chilli, fairtrade), lunches (homemade, nutritious) and other small items.

Wei Wuxian never even considers the possibility of not putting all his fake-dating eggs into the Lan Zhan basket. And also never stops to think about why that iss.

In re kungfu practice: when sparring against normal people, Lan Wangji does annoyed-leg-sweeps because of “I’ll bring you down every peg to the floor” reasons he’s too well-bred to voice. 

Past recipients of this treatment have included:

Wen Chao, 

Xue Yang at his most obnoxious

Jin Zixuan when gossip about his comments in re Jiang Yanli not being pretty or successful enough to date him (”I can’t believe my mum set me up with someone so mediocre”) is at its height.

This is pre-Wei Wuxian onstage-punch. That comes during the second round of gossip.

With Wei Wuxian (and only Wei Wuxian), however, it’s always leg sweeps and pinning, which is because of ... “irritation”.

The Phoenix Mountain Reserve photo has been Lan Wangji’s favourite shot of Wei Wuxian since it was made publicly available, but he couldn’t use it as a wallpaper for obvious reasons.

Then he agrees to the fake-dating, sees how far Wei Wuxian was going to take it and realised: chansu!

At some point during the fake-dating, Wei Wuxian escalates from the phone entry of Oppa to calling Lan Wangji “Oppa~!” in real life, and then from there to a full “Oppa! Saranghaeyo~!” with the arms-on-head love heart. 

After n iterations of this, Lan Zhan responds with a mirror arms-on-head love heart and a deadpan “Saranghaeyo.” with his face still like (• _ •) and it’s an instant, supereffective K.O. for Wei Wuxian.

Every so often, when another one of his romantic overtures has soared right over Wei Wuxian’s head, Lan Wangji considers Jin Zixuan’s over-the-top demonstrations of affection and thinks (bleakly) “...Jin Zixuan got a singing telegram. Must I also resort to a singing telegram? ; _ ; “

In re: the concert hip-hop number, shirtlessness is the goal all along:

A-Qing (who is also a troublemaker on Lan Qiren’s radar - as soon as he receives the form that says that she and Wei Wuxian will be working together, his spidey senses start tingling) has been constantly referencing it throughout all their practices like: 

“Well, because you’ll be shirtless, you’ll have to make sure to-”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea, totally do that, but remember that you’ll be shirtless too, so-”

Even Song Zichen and Xue Yang know about it and have been visibly bracing themselves for the dress (or undress, lul) rehearsal

Wei Wuxian has missed all of this because of his amazing tunnel vision.

Speaking of Song Zichen and Xue Yang, while they’re having their Moments:

Xiao Xingchen is swanning around like “But do you think the performance had artistic integrity? A-Qing, I’m a little worried that the choreography didn’t do full justice to the abilities of all our members! I hope they don’t think I’m hogging the limelight!”, taunting them with his half-nakedness while he earnestly tries to make sure that all the other dancers are comfortable and happy with the final arrangement

A-Qing fully notices the heart-eye beams shooting over from the wings (and fully notices the same heart-eye beams shooting over during various practices), briefly thinks about saying something to put the two losers out of their misery (because Xiao Xingchen is not the special level of oblivious that Wei Wuxian is), but then thinks ... nah.

During practice back-painting, Wei Wuxian is so focused on Not Looking that his mistimes his ~sexy stretch~ and gets it in precisely when Lan Wangji has turned his back to get the towel, so it really is all for nothing, RIP.

In the reprise back-painting session (and there definitely is one, what with Lan Wangji’s love for marking and the fact that Chinese calligraphers usually sign their name on their work), the levels of both shamelessness and trolling shoot through the roof on both sides:

Wei Wuxian suddenly feels the need to do a lot more whimpering and moaning, and his flinches of “surprise” and wriggling to “get comfortable” suddenly happen a lot more in the hip area than they did before.

Lan Wangji does a lot more touching of the skin he’s about to paint to “warn” Wei Wuxian that the brush is coming (do warnings have to be quite so ... lingering? Only Lan Wangji knows), discovers a sudden need for wrist-pinning to “hold Wei Wuxian still while he works” and his blowing on ink to get it dry suddenly gets a lot more ... sensual ...

Lan Wangji is the teacher that all his babies are always proposing to. They lOvE him with every inch of their tiny baby hearts, and after they get together, Wei Wuxian watches on with a knowing nod, like “My fam, I getcha. Gege will support you in expressing your feelings and we can ALL win!”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know it, but he has a group of grannies and grandpas wringing their hands over his happiness, too: It’s all well and good that he’s seeing the Lan boy now, but when are they gonna get married, huh? HUH?! WHAT’S THE POINT OF SAVING THE PLANET IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA FILL IT WITH BABIES, WEI WUXIAN???

So once they officially start dating, Wei Wuxian steps into the Cultural Centre like “Ah, our fresh new romance! Even after all this time of fake-dating, I’d better give people some transition time to get used to this new state of affairs!”

And in the background, 73 aunties and grannies are thinking “Look how behind schedule you are, Wei Wuxian!” (because it’s definitely his fault, and not Lan Wangji’s). “Where are the babies? WHERE ARE THE BABIES??”

The wedding advice Wei Wuxian got from the grannies during Mianmian’s wedding prep is liberally flavoured with real life anecdotes like:

“Don’t be like XX’s son. He made the mistake of trying to skimp on the dowry - so disrespectful to people who’ve poured so much love and energy into raising a daughter - and it poisoned the entire relationship.”

“That venue is no good - YY’s daughter had her reception there, and we all had diarrhoea after eating the prawns.”

(And Wei Wuxian is like: “How can you retain all of this bullshit detail about every wedding the Cultural Society has ever witnessed, but still not know how to say the phrase ‘Excuse me, what time is the bus coming’ in English?!”)

Mianmian definitely also gets strong-armed by her excited mother into some glorious(ly terrible) Chinese-style studio wedding photos (with industrial-strength airbrushing and wedding costume changes that span many cultures and many Chinese time periods).

Mianmian swears to never let Wei Wuxian get his grubby hands on that album, on pain of death.

But then her parents host something, and Wei Wuxian goes, and right there, hanging in their living room, is a floor-to-ceiling calendar, featuring Mianmian and Mian-man dressed as Chinese emperor and empress (because Mianmian certainly didn’t want it in her house, but it came with the package.)

Wei Wuxian makes a noise that Mianmian previously thought only dolphins could produce, and proceeds to take SO MANY photos with his phone.

At some point after Mianmian’s wedding, Lan Wangji comes out of the shower to find:

1 pair of pyjama bottoms waiting for him on the bed; and

Wei Wuxian in the corresponding top (which doesn’t cover his butt after all, but whatever, he’s committed), shooting him a double-thumbs up and wearing an expression like 8D!

(And Lan Wangji decides it’s not worth fighting and just goes with it.)

Lan Qiren

Lan Qiren is totally the kind of parent who never boasts about his children directly, but will listen politely to you telling him about how your son scored 86 in his maths examination, and wait for you to obligation-ask about his kids before casually saying, “Oh, Wangji? He scored full marks” and smiling thinly.

He’ll add “Sounds like your son worked really hard” for extra fuck you value if you were being particularly obnoxious.

The greatest tragedy in his parenting life is realising that if your children are The Best, it’s only possible for them to marry down.

His initial feelings regarding Wei Wuxian dating his nephew can probably be summed up as: “Wei Wuxian, I did not lovingly raise my precious Lan Wangji just to give him to you!!!” 

(The problem is that his nephew (inexplicably) likes Wei Wuxian so much, mumblegrumble.)

For weeks after The Resentment of Lan Qiren, every time Lan Qiren sees Wen Ning, he shakes his head sadly to himself and mutters “What a shame, what a shame.”

When Wen Ning responds with a slightly panicked “?!”, Lan Qiren just pats him on the shoulder, like, “No, no, it’s not you. We can’t choose our relatives. And isn’t that the greatest shame in the world?” - and then DOESN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING.

And after many bouts of thinking and rethinking still lead him to the conclusion that Wei Wuxian is the best choice in comparison to all the other available options, Lan Qiren may or may not visit Cangse Sanren’s grave to burn some incense for an excuse to stand there and offer a sullen, “You fukken got me again, you bastard. I can’t believe you.”

He doesn’t know who he hates more:

Wei Wuxian for being himself and yet still the best choice

Cangse Sanren for not letting being dead stop her from continuing to be a thorn in Lan Qiren’s side

Wen Ruohan for being undesirable enough to disqualify the only valid competitor

The other parents for failing to produce children who are better than Wei Wuxian 

(Like: Surely it can’t be that hard if he (+ his brother + his sister-in law) managed to produce two)

So he settles for hating everyone.

For his next birthday, Lan Xichen sends him a box of blood-pressure-lowering supplements.

Lan Qiren is like “!!!” but he still takes them because just because his nephew is being impudent does not mean there is not also a Need.

In re 3zun:

Lan Qiren goes around determinedly Not Thinking about Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao. Every time his eyes approach something he doesn’t want to see, he just turns his head like NOPE.

He eventually realises that he and Wei Wuxian have this in common and that Wei Wuxian is therefore his most valuable ally - both in terms of having someone to pivot to and have very loud, very enthusiastic conversations about anything else whenever the 3zun do something they don’t want to see, and also having someone to commiserate with about Not Wanting to Know. (But because they’re them, they alternate between teaming up for self-preservation and using their mutual weakness to take petty jabs at each other.)

"-If two of them are dating, then where does that leave the third one?!"

"RIGHT? Imagine finding out that they were silently pining away, forced to third-wheel for their unrequited love and best friend - unrequited LOVES AND BEST FRIENDS? What would you say to that?!"

"That's not even considering which one the third wheel would be - I honestly don't know which option would be the worst, they're all terrible."

"I'm almost ready to say that I'd rather they all be dating each other, except then I'd have to think about how that would work, dynamic-wise, like - who calls the shots? Do you think Nie Mingjue is domineering all the time, or do you think it’s a public front, and he then goes home to be dominated by-"

“STOP.”

Even before 3zun get together (both Lan Qiren and Wei Wuxian have chosen to Never Know when this is), Jin Guangyao is throwing out suggestive comments left and right and then immediately whipping out his (◔◡◔✿) face for anyone’s double-take:

50% to test the waters of public sentiment before he makes a move and it actually becomes his problem

50% because he’s a troll who likes dominance displays

Knowing this factoid, one of Wei Wuxian’s mental 3zun Dynamics possibilities features Superdom!Jin Guangyao, but he does his best to avoid thinking about that.

After Lan Qiren mentally accepts Wei Wuxian into the fold:

He still internally responds to at least 50% of the things that Wei Wuxian does with “Why, that little shit”, but it’s also implied that Wei Wuxian is their little shit now.

And for Lan Family! Qiren, this means: If you shit on him, WE shit on you.

“Shufu” 

Lan Qiren definitely Notices when Wei Wuxian calls him that, but it Doesn’t Do to make a fuss.

He probably has a conversation with Lan Xichen sometime around the first family dinner that goes:

LQR: You've noticed that he's still calling me 'Uncle Qiren' like we're nothing to each other.

LXC: ...If you want him to call you Shufu, should you perhaps not mention that to him?

LQR: What? No, he should already know these things!

And then after the wedding:

LQR: Your brother's boyfriend is finally acting like one of the family. LXC: Haha, oh my.

Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan

Although their mothers have been friends for ages, Jin Zixuan grows up in a different city, so they don't see each other growing up. The Jins later move for Jin Zixuan's high-flying corporate job, Madam Jin joins the Culture Society at her friend's behest and immediately falls in love with Jiang Yanli as a daughter-in-law. 

After a lot of cajoling (in both directions), she gets them to agree to one date, which is a disaster (I have more headcanons about this but they won't fit in here) 

Jin Zixuan has a lot of money and zero sense of proportion, which does not generally result in tasteful things. (Where Jiang Yanli is concerned, his desire to keep up a "cool" image is completely overpowered by his desire to please, so that doesn't help either. Like a golden retriever who wants people to think he's a cat.) 

After they get married, Wei Wuxian sometimes thinks about the peacock's peacocking rituals, like: "It's good that he's gotten more reasonable now that they're married - no, wait, what if he hasn't gotten more reasonable, but there's just no one around to see it because they're married?!" and never gets brave enough to ask his sister about it. 

After Jin Ling's birth, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng (and maybe even Jin Zixuan) get locked in an ongoing battle for Jin Ling's affections. Jiang Yanli is the clear favourite, as she should be, but they all want to be #2, and their constant jostling is how he ends up with no chill despite being raised by one calm mum and one aloof (but secretly disaster) dad

But because Jiang Yanli is around, he's very polite about it: the kind of kid who barrels in screaming blue murder, skids to a halt and says "Auntie", and then tears out screaming blue murder again

Wei Wuxian tones it down a lot after he and Lan Wangji adopt A-Yuan because he’s got better things to do, but it’s still A Thing (during visits, A-Yuan spends a lot of time in Auntie Yanli’s lap being gently fed things while his dad and shushu yell at each other over the top of his cousin’s head)

Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli

Initially brought together by their brothers, they now meet up for regular, peaceful, wholesome tea-dates where they discuss the lives of their mutuals and gently exchange advice (and strategies on how to keep their angry-angry parent/proxy-parent's blood pressure down.

Whereas Jiang Cheng gets closer to coughing up blood with every year that passes by without Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji getting their shit together, Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli take the more optimistic view of "Look at how well-prepared we are, we've just run another year ahead of schedule!"

Dinner Crew

Jiang Cheng has been the unwilling audience to years of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s bullshit. 

If asked, he would say: “And you wonder why I’m so angry?! What do you mean ‘dating’, you’ve been fucking married for the last five years!” but no one ever does :’D

Every so often, he thinks about how happy their sister is about the dating situation because she doesn’t know that it’s fake, and he grinds his teeth because why can’t he also not-know!?

To this, Nie Huaisang says, “If we didn’t know we couldn’t help!”

And Jiang Cheng replies, “WE’RE NOT HELPING ANYWAY, LOOK AT HIM!!!”

Meanwhile, Jiang Yanli continues to gush about how happy she is for Wei Wuxian and all Jiang Cheng can do is laugh really unnaturally because he has to “Be strong, Jiang Cheng! Be strong for A-jie! ╥﹏╥”

He goes to read the comments on the Society Facebook after the fujoshi conversation, and gets so angry at all these people who are like “Ah, their love is so beautiful!” that he has to uninstall his Facebook app, and go and shout into a cupboard somewhere.

The non-Wei-Wuxian members of the dinner group have set up a separate chat to act as a support group, where they all go to:

Wail and gnash their teeth after Wei Wuxian does something particularly dumb

Scheme ways into getting Wei Wuxian to get a clue

Console one another when someone’s brave attempt at getting Wei Wuxian to face the truth fails miserably (because while they play by the rules of ‘what a normal human would do’, Wei Wuxian lives by the principle of ‘lol norms are for losers’.)

Relatedly: for every resigned Nie Huaisang face or enraged Jiang Cheng face that Wei Wuxian notices, there are at least three desperate-yet-silent exchanges that he doesn’t. 

Wen Ning is always really optimistic about it, nodding encouragingly like “He’s gonna get it - he’s gonna get it! - oh no, he’s not gonna get it. Oh. Oh no. Ó╭╮Ò”

Wen Ning always has at least one small child hanging off him at all times when he’s at the Cultural Centre because they know he can always be bullied into playing with them and they think he’s great.

Past bullshit dinner group projects have included Getting Jiang Cheng a Date and Making a Picture out of Jin Guangyao’s Forehead Dot While He’s Sleeping

(In re the forehead dot, they end up settling for making it bigger every time he nods off during a movie night at Nie Huaisang’s house, and Nie Mingjue comes home to what’s basically a Japanese flag on Jin Guangyao’s forehead and is like ಠ_ಠ)

Future dinner group projects include providing Wei Wuxian with support for Grand Plans like Getting Along with Uncle Qiren and providing Jiang Cheng with unwanted support for things like Workshopping Jiang Cheng’s List of Partner Requirements

A-Yuan

After A-Yuan’s adoption, Wei Wuxian and Lan Qiren redouble their efforts in Can we divorce an in-law?! because although they couldn’t save themselves from being related to Jin Guangyao, for their PRECIOUS BOY--

Therefore, when A-Yuan is five or six and starts to sound out how he’s related to people and why:

A-Yuan: So if Jin-yeye is Uncle Guangyao’s dad, then that makes him my-

Wei Wuxian: NOTHING!

Lan Qiren (springing up from the other side of the room): NOTHING!

Lan Xichen: lol

At around about this same time, Wei Wuxian, who is never gonna stop trolling Lan Qiren about ruzhui until the day he dies, runs A-Yuan through the “You see, my son, my family is not so well-to-do, and since your Uncle married into the Nie family-” talk, and then proceeds to reference it at every opportunity:

1: Despite A-Yuan almost certainly not asking, and

2: despite (/especially because of) Lan Qiren shouting “DON’T TEACH HIM WEIRD THINGS!” in the background.

(Lan Wangji probably lets it happen or encourages it because he thinks it’s funny)