#needless to say that i’m gonna read for a bit longer :’ )))

[tvrningout-a]

hi i’m going feral reading s.hadow and b.one after getting back from class and i hope everyone’s having a swell day 💜

[raainy-daze]

The Snatcher.

chapter one. ➼ [next.]

rise of the tmnt x gn!reader [PLATONIC], rise!leo x gn!reader

summary: someone keeps stealing everyone’s things. nothing they’ve stolen has any correlation, and it’s anyone’s guess why they’re doing it. as time goes on, the list of crimes grows longer. reader just hopes no one realizes it’s them.

a box of parts has gone missing from donatello’s lab, and needless to say, he’s furious about it. just one heist in, and it’s already quickly turning into everyone’s problem.

word count: 2,868

a/n: guess who’s back with his first multi-chapter fic y’all

i’m gonna have another post regarding my return from hiatus with more details on that and my writing plans around the same time i post this, so please do check that out if you care about this blog!

in regards to the fic: i like to call this one “in which the reader is full-on just kind of an asshole and steals everyone’s stuff for no reason”. so, if you just so happen to be a little shit, congrats! this one’s for you. reader is in a relationship with leo in this, but that’s not really the focus, and it isn’t really even explicitly mentioned in this chapter.

All was still.

It was well past dark in New York City. Of course, that didn’t mean much - it’s called the city that never sleeps for a reason. Above ground, traffic still raced on, people still yelled in the streets, the hubbub didn’t quit. But in some apartments, families closed their curtains, tucked their children into bed, and tried to ignore the clamor outside their windows.

Below ground was a slightly different story, however. Sounds were muffled by concrete, leaving the rush of cars and footsteps inaudible. Occasionally, you would hear the telltale rattle of the subway, but it was easy enough to ignore once you got used to it. Normally, in this strange home beneath the city, there would still be some sort of noise at this hour, but the Hamato family had retired a bit earlier than usual tonight. Splinter had even remembered to turn off the projector, which was rare enough to be notable. As far as the family was concerned, everyone was tucked into bed and sleeping soundly. Not a creature was stirring.

Except for one.

In contrast to the rest of the lair, the laboratory wasn’t totally quiet, nor was it totally dark. The machines which occupied the room produced soft whirring noises at all times, and had plenty of blinking lights to keep the room just barely illuminated. Most of it was a very dim light, but at the main desk with the most clutter, there was one brighter source. The computer was open to some Wikipedia page, and the light it produced fell softly on the face of a sleeping softshell turtle.

Normally, he would still be awake, working away on his various inventions. But this evening, he’d crashed far earlier than normal. Definitely unusual, but no one would be particularly surprised to hear about it. After all, he had gone without sleep for what? Three days now? It was only logical he would drop at some point, whether it be by his own will or nature taking over. He needed this sleep, everyone (except perhaps himself) would agree. It was a tad unfortunate, however, that he crashed when and where he did. For one thing, the desk littered with empty coffee cups and stray materials couldn’t be a very comfortable pillow, and far more importantly, he hadn’t had time to close anything down for the night. Some things were left running, and their batteries would likely be drained by morning. That was the least of his concerns, however. What he should, and likely would if he was conscious, be worried about was that nothing was locked. The door to the lab, the cabinets of valuable tools, nothing. His precious projects were left completely and utterly vulnerable, as he would find out when the morning came.

It was Friday evening, April 16th. The small clock in the bottom right corner of the computer read 11:24 PM.

That was when the Snatcher struck for the first time.

•°. *࿐

“I suppose you’re all wondering why I called you here today.”

It was Saturday morning, 8:42 AM. It wasn’t unusual for you to meet on a weekend, but it was a bit strange that it was so early in the morning. Saturdays are for sleeping in, after all, but that hadn’t been an option this morning, thanks to Donatello. You’d been woken up bright and early at 7:00 AM by your phone blowing up with notifications, demanding that you get to the lair as soon as possible because Donnie had a “code red emergency that he needs everyone to meet for ASAP”. A quick check with Leonardo, however, revealed that there wasn’t, in fact, a code red (something on fire, someone bleeding, or an alien invasion). According to him, Donnie had woken everyone up banging pots and pans at an absolutely ungodly hour, and was very passive aggressive all throughout breakfast. All of that, and he was refusing to explain why until everyone was present.

So, here you were, sitting in the main room of the lair at this mildly ridiculous hour of the morning with everyone. And when you said everyone, you meant everyone. Yourself, April, and the guys were the usual given, as well as Casey Jr. since he showed up. Cassandra was sitting over on the far right next to Sunita, and even Splinter had been dragged to this meeting, though he appeared to already be drifting off. Upon arrival, you had been informed that Draxum was also invited, but had refused. You supposed Donnie didn’t have the authority to argue there.

“Will you get to the point already?” Leo groaned next to you. “It’s been hours.” Raphael and Michelangelo looked equally annoyed and tired, and you couldn’t blame them, what with the stories you’d heard earlier. You considered regretting taking extra time for breakfast and prolonging their suffering, but you couldn’t really bring yourself to. It was some damn good breakfast, and they ought to be used to this stuff by now.

Standing in front of you all, Donnie sighed. “All right, all right, you guys have no respect for a good monologue.” He grabbed hold of the whiteboard he had rolled out of the lab earlier and dramatically spun it around. You squinted, trying to interpret the scribbles made in dry erase marker, but quickly gave up. He would undoubtedly explain it all to you regardless.

“Last night, sometime between 10:30 PM and 4:00 AM, someone broke into my lab!”

Everyone stared at him blankly.

“Donnie,” April said, “I was just in there. Nothing looked very broken into.”

“Yes, nothing LOOKED amiss, my dear April, but one very crucial detail!” He pointed towards one corner of his whiteboard, at what you now recognized as a diagram of the lab. He circled a drawing of what appeared to be a box he had very subtly labeled “GPS PARTS”. “This box” -he gestured again for extra emphasis- “contained–”

“Let me guess, GPS parts?”

“LET ME SPEAK!” Donnie took a deep breath and returned to his drawing. “Yes, it contained GPS parts, very important GPS parts I just bought to use on my brand new upgrades to the navigational system in the Turtle Tank, more specifically the parts needed for the antenna, but I know you all start yelling when I go on science tangents, so for your sakes, I won’t elaborate.”

“Thanks, it’s much appreciated.”

Donnie made an expression you quickly recognized as the “trying to blow Leo up with his mind” face.

“And what happened to the parts, Donnie?” April asked.

“Why, thank you for asking. Well, this morning when I awoke…” Donnie took an eraser, held it up, and suddenly began erasing the box far more violently than he really needed to. “IT WAS GONE!”

Donnie’s yell woke Splinter up with a start. “Wh-” Sunita leaned over and whispered a quick summary of the situation. “Oh, that is what you are so mad about? You lost your, uh, things?”

“They weren’t lost, Father, they were clearly stolen!” Donnie was becoming more frantic by the moment. “I checked and double checked their exact position several times last night, to be perfectly sure I wouldn’t loose them! And yet, this morning, they were gone! And they had to have been stolen by SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM! Or Draxum.”

He waved an accusatory finger at… well, everyone. “Everyone present in this room was present last night for our Jupiter Jim: Atomic Lass Dies Again 2 viewing, as you all know!”

This was a fact. Yesterday, everyone in your circle had been invited (or dragged, in Draxum’s case) to watch the new JJ movie the second it came out on DVD. It had been fun, but you doubted anyone there expected to be a suspect by the next morning. Well, except for the perpetrator, you supposed.

“Are you sure, Dee?” Casey Jr. actually looked pretty concerned. He always seemed to take these things a bit more seriously, probably because he wasn’t as used to it. “I mean, you really think someone in this room would steal from you?”

“Oh, you sweet summer child, multiple people in this room have stolen from me. In fact, most people in this room have stolen from me. Some more than others.” He gave a pointed glare in Leo and Cassandra’s directions.

“Do you have any proof?” Cassandra glared right back.

“Yes, Cassandra!” Donnie once more slapped the diagram. “The fact that it’s gone! The fact that there is an outline in the shape of a box entirely free of dust! The fact that whichever one of you who did it (probably Leo) is an–”

“Whoa, whoa, are you accusing me? Your own twin brother?” Leo put a hand on his chest, commencing with his usual theatrics. “Dude, I thought we had a bond!”

“Leonardo, this would be far from the first time you’ve stolen my stuff!” Donnie pointed at him in response. “My tools! My clothing! Anything in my lab you thought looked cool! Even Penelope Platypus!”

“Penelope Platypus?”

“Don’t ask. Never ask about Penelope Platypus,” Raph whispered.

“Understood.”

“Okay, okay-” April stood up from her spot and walked over to Donnie. “Everyone, let’s just-”

“I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR PENELOPE PLATYPUS-”

“Donnie, let’s just calm down!” April grabbed Donnie’s arm and lowered it. “Do you not have any security cam footage?”

“No, April, I do not, because as I conveniently told you all yesterday, all my security measures are under maintenance!”

“Fingerprints?”

“Already checked. Whoever it was, they knew exactly what they were looking for and didn’t touch anything else. Believe me, I have been looking since 4. A. M.”

“Okay, what’s all the rest of this on your board?”

Donnie cleared his throat, but not before sending one last nasty glance his brother’s way. “Well, here I have a list of any possible motivation our thief could’ve had. Leonardo, mischief, Cassandra, mischief, Draxum, turning back into an evil supervillain stuff, Mikey, an insane level of dumb luck and obliviousness-”

“Okaaay.” April cut him off before he could go down the whole list, but you could just make out your own name below Mikey’s. Anything else written on the board, however, was pretty much lost to time thanks to Donnie’s illegible handwriting.

April picked up a dry erase marker from the bottom of the board, and began making amendments to Donnie’s notes. “Well, we know it couldn’t have been me or Sunita, since we left while you were still awake.” She crossed out both names. “Mikey also went to bed pretty early, but I guess he could’ve gotten up and come back downstairs.” She placed a question mark next to Mikey’s name. “If our thief did know what they were looking for, then who did you tell about these parts?”

“Well, I told you, of course.” April began making checkmarks as Donnie listed names. “I also told Casey Jr. when I was teaching him how refrigerators work.”

You decided not to ask.

“I mentioned it to Father, but I doubt he was listening, since he clearly doesn’t often.” He paused as he stared at Splinter, who took a full seven and a half seconds to space back into reality and notice.

“Oh, are we done? Wonderful, I’m missing the latest episode of-”

“No, Father, we are not done!”

“Also, we don’t get cable,” Raph pointed out.

“Alright, and that’s everyone?”

“I believe so, yes.”

“Alright. So we’ve got ten total suspects, two with a solid alibi, three with inside knowledge, and…” April muttered to herself as she read over Donnie’s guessed motivations. How she managed to read those, you had no clue. “... two with a reasonable motive. Not a lot to go off of.”

“Well then, on to my planned second step; I will now be questioning each of you in order from oldest to youngest.” Uh oh. “Father?”

“Uh- yes, Purple?”

“WHERE WERE YOU THE NIGHT OF APRIL 16TH?”

“... I believe I was here. I also believe that was yesterday.”

You exchanged a look with Leo. This was going nowhere - Donnie was just going to yell a lot, and eventually Cassandra was going to start yelling back, and then everyone would be yelling, and it would just be really loud. You pulled out your phone as discreetly as you could, and began typing.

was it you?

be honest i swear i won’t tell anyone

no!!! i went straight to sleep after you left

i didn’t go anywhere near the lab

i assume you wouldn’t be asking if it was you

well duh

should we tell him raph slipped sleeping meds in his coffee

no, that’ll just make it worse

raph wouldn’t do it anyways, he’s too nice

point taken

so what are we supposed to do

watch it play out?

you read my mind

You looked up from your phone, back at Donnie, who had moved on from Splinter to Cassandra. This would be fun.

“WHY THE HELL WOULD I TAKE IT? I WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!”

“YOU HAVE ONE OF THE TOP MOTIVES, CASSANDRA!”

“AND WHAT KIND OF MOTIVE IS THAT?!”

“TO SPITE ME!”

“TO SPITE– oh. Yeah, that makes sense.”

“SO YOU ADMIT IT!”

“I ADMIT TO NOTHING!”

“Oh my god, they’re going to kill each other.” You sincerely doubted you would see anything as entertaining as this for the rest of the week. It was pettiness at its finest, and you’d acquired quite a number of insults from watching fights this way. You knew it was only a matter of time until someone (Cassandra) threw the first punch, and then it was only a matter of time until someone (Donnie) threw the first explosive. But alas, it would be over too soon for that.

“April, you get Donnie.” Raph sighed as he stood up, and scooped Cassandra up remarkably easy. At the same time, April grabbed Donnie, preventing him from trying to hit Casey Sr.

“Look, Donnie, I can understand why you’re upset, but fighting isn’t really the best way to fix this.”

“But it is a way.”

“Maybe, but–”

“Don, I’ll help you find your parts.” April cut Raph off. She sounded pretty exasperated at this point. “Just stop screaming before everyone’s eardrums explode.”

“I was not screaming-”

“Yes you were. Now come on, I wanna see the crime scene for myself.” April began dragging Donnie off to his lab. Casey stuck her tongue out at him, and you just caught him flipping her off before disappearing into the lab.

Raph set Cassandra back down, and she muttered something that sounded a lot like a very targeted insult.

“Well, that was certainly… something,” Sunita commented.

“Something, indeed.” Mikey nodded.

“Okay.” Raph turned back to the group. “You know I trust all of you…”

“But you’re gonna accuse one of us of stealing some dumb science crap?” Cassandra raised an eyebrow.

“No! No.” Raph smiled sheepishly. “But, if it was any of you… Just, please give it back. He will not let this go, and I don’t know if our sanities will survive it.”

“Hey, hey, April’s on the case now!” Mikey chimed in. “I’m sure she’ll solve it in no time! She’ll catch our… our Snatcher!”

“Our what now?”

“The Snatcher! It’s what I just decided to title our resident thief.”

“We’re naming the thief?”

“Now, now, Casey Jr., every thief needs a good name.” Mikey patted Casey on the shoulder a couple of times, looking very proud of himself.

While everyone else was talking over the new name and what could’ve happened to Donnie’s stuff, you walked over to the whiteboard. You weren’t really interested in the lab diagram; you also weren’t sure what part of this required an entire corner of the board being dedicated to math equations.

You squinted at Donnie’s scrawled handwriting, trying to make out the notes at the bottom of the board. On the motives list, you found your name, which was just barely readable. It took you a few seconds to translate what was written next to it.

Scheming.

That didn’t sound too different from Leo and Cassandra’s “mischief”, but hey, it sounded better, so you weren’t going to complain. You’d have to ask Donnie what he meant by the difference next time you saw him.

You grabbed the marker and wrote down several notes regarding what had occurred last night. You had stayed in Leo’s room for a while before you left, so you could provide alibis for each other in that time frame. You hadn’t seen Cassandra on your way out, nor had you seen anyone else up. You wrote down the rough time you left, as could be verified by Leo, and wrote down that you had seen a light from under Mikey’s door.

Finally, you wrote “The Snatcher Case” at the top of the board, followed by “(y/n) was here :)” in the bottom corner.

You smiled to yourself before going to grab your things and get ready to leave. You were eager to watch this play out.

You couldn’t wait until you enacted phase two of your plan.

It was 9:57 AM, Saturday, April 17th. The Snatcher waltzed right out of the lair, and no one suspected a thing.

[sunshine-n-raccoons]

I’d love to read a fic where Eddie has to take reader to the dentist to get a filling!! I found out I need 8 fillings done and I’m so nervous!!!

ohhh nooo! I’m sorry honey. I know the dentist can be super duper scary! And nobody likes having a numb mouth or tooth aches!

But never fear, Eddie is here <3

The Dentist…

Eddie Munson x little!reader

TW: age regression, anxiety, dental procedures! Teeth! if you don’t these things please don’t read!

Reader has a bad day at the dentist… Eddie does what he can to make it better and take care of them <3

“I no wanna go! PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME!”

Eddie’s ears flutter at the shrillness in his little baby’s voice.

“Sweetheart, I know you’re scared, but we gotta take care of those chompers, hm? How else is my baby doll gonna shave such an adorable smile?” At this point hes watching you from the doorframe of his bedroom, his hands are in his hips, eyebrows raised at you, wondering how you’ll respond.

“I smile without my teeth” you mumble back putting your lips over your teeth as you stare at your feet while kicking them as they hang off his bed. Eddie holds back a laugh and walks up to you, crouching down to help you tie your shoes.

You start to whine and pull away, he tightens his grip on your leg.

“Baby. enough now, I know you don’t wanna go and believe me, I wish I didn’t have to take you, but this is to keep you healthy! It’s important to have healthy teeth.” He says while finishing tying your shoes.

He looks up to see you blinking back tears and sniffling slightly.

“I jus’ scared, Teds, I no wanna go alone!” at this point, you’re fully regressed.

His eyes soften at you and he reaches up to wipe a tear with his thumb, you lean into his touch.

He hums with empathy, watching you for a little bit longer before he gets an idea.

“I’ll tell you what sweetness, if you can be a big girl and go in to the dentist and let them do what you need, I’ll get you a surprise when you get out!”

Your eyes light up. “Really?” You ask.

He nods his head frantically “Yep! A special surprise for my special baby, for being so big and brave” he then starts to poke your tummy and tickle you, getting some giggles out before standing up to take your hand.

“Ready to go?” He asks softly. You hesitate before taking his hand. “I guess…”

He beams at you. “Good girl.” and you feel the blush hit your cheeks as you step up into the van and head to the dentist.

as you drive towards the office, your head continues to get fuzzier and fuzzier because the more you think about how scared you are the smaller you feel. You’re trying to hard to be big, but it feels impossible.

Eddie could tell you were in your head by the way you leaned up against the window blankly staring out if it. He reaches over and squeezes your knee. You jump up and gasp, punching him and he laughs.

“Just making sure you’re still here with me honey” and you grunt.

You pull into a parking spot and Eddie helps you out of the van, you feel tense and like shaking from fear. Thankfully, Eddie walks in with you and helps you check in, and helps you do your paperwork! And what you didn’t know is he secretly grabbed you some fidget toys so you can have them while the dentist works on your teeth.

You’re sitting and playing with Eddie’s rings before the nurse comes out calling your name. You flash Eddie a fearful and slightly tearful look, and he smiles lovingly at you, nodding to let you know you’ll be okay.

You gulp and walk in, dreading what’s to come.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Well… needless to say… your mouth felt like it had an entire monster truck in it. It throbbed but at the same time it was numb. and the medicine they gave you made your head feel all loopy.

A nurse walks you out and you see your Teddy standing by the door waiting for you. You rush over… (more like… toddle over) and into his arms and you start to cry. Before you start to fully bawl, Eddie ushers you out to the van and you cling to him as he tries to lift you into the van.

“Oh my poor little thing. Not feeling so hot after all that huh?” He’s rubbing your back and you shake your head into his chest.

“I can’ feel my mouf Eddie” you say, muffled by his chest but also slurring your words.

“Well we are going straight home okay? I’m gonna take good care of you” and with that he got you buckled in and into the van swiftly before pulling out.

As you drive home, you’re preoccupied with poking your entire face to see if you can feel anything. You look in the passenger side mirror and see how puffy your cheeks look, and start poking around more and making faces.

“What are you doing goofy girl?” Eddie says laughing.

You start to cry instead of laugh. “My face broken!” And you weep.

Eddie reached over for your hand and squeezes it “no baby, it’s not broken, it’s just the medicine it’s gonna be okay, I promise. Listen, remember the promise I gave you?” He glances at you as you nod.

“S-suprise?” You ask

“Mhm. You were SO big and brave today that you get the specialist surprise ever!” And with that, you pull into the drive way of his trailer.

He carries you in, and lays you down on the couch, wrapping you up in a fuzzy blanket before rushing back out to the van real quick. You whine as he turns to leave.

“I’ll be right back honey don’t worry” you hear as the screen door slams. You tried to lift your head up to see where he went but your head was just too heavy, so you let it plop back down and you closed your eyes for a split second.

When you opened them again, Eddie was standing in front of you grinning from ear to ear while holding an entire arm full of your favorite things.

He got you a new stuffie, your favorite soup, favorite ice cream and juice, and a whole stack of fun movies and video games!

You smile meekly at him and do grabby hands. “Tank you! Tank you!”

“Anything for my baby” he says while kissing the top of your head.

“Okay baby, you pick out what movie you wanna watch and I’m gonna make you some soup okay? You gotta eat so you can take more medicine soon”

you nod and pick out a movie from your stack of favorites he rented, he pops it in and then heads off to heat up food for you.

Once he’s done he comes back to the couch, and cradles you and helps you eat, since your mouth is so numb still it’s almost impossible for you to eat by yourself.

Eddie’s soft eyes intently watching as he carefully feeds you brought such a big smile to your face, though it probably didn’t look like it since… your face didn’t work. But your eyes shined so brightly, Eddie knew.

He adored taking care of you as much, if not more than you enjoyed him doing it.

You spend the rest of the night being cuddled next to Eddie, and him kissing your puffy face better, and being sung to, so you could eventually fall asleep, distracting you from any and all pain or discomfort. And the whole routine kept going until you finally felt better.

and maybe… maybeeee you pretended to not feel good a little bit longer than you actually did… but who’s ever to know? All you knew is Eddie didn’t mind one bit.

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

hello hello!!

Ahhh that's so exciting and so sweet that you and your stand partner are bestieess!!!! Also I laughed so hard when you wrote about getting dopamine from external validation because if that doesn't summarize every performer ever than i don't know what does 😂😂

Yes, yes, yes!! The way you said it was so well put!! I typically say that during rehearsal "we get lost in sauce" 😂 but you said if far more eloquently. I think that's what I miss the most about performaning, apart from being surrounded by other creative people. The fact that everyone is there trying to create something so beautiful and trying to convey emotions in a way that goes beyond words is something so magical. Uggghhh now I'm gonna start looking up local theatres to see what productions they're doing to see if i want to audition.

Honestly everyone crying is just a testament to how well written and enthralling this story was!!!! I (and I'm sure everyone else who read it) was so captivated by the story from beginning to end! When i tell you i LOVED the scene with the kids i truly mean LOVED. 1 - i thought it was the hottest thing ever that Agatha enjoys interacting with kids (and honestly kept thinking about Agatha with kiddos cause i just know she has such a soft spot for them) and 2 - experiences like that are just so transformative for children!!! I still remember the very first musical I saw in person and how amazed i was by it and immediately knew it was something i wanted to do.

Ahhh i feel like my asks just keep getting longer and longer!! They're starting to feel like letters at this point 😂 So sorry 🥴 but i saw THAT THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL!!! And it's going to have CARMEN IN IT?!?!?!?!! I'm sooo excited!!!!!! I completely forgot i had said something about Agatha conducting an opera, but oh my goddddd i want her to conduct an opera so badlyyyyyy. Needless to say, i am very, very excited!!!!!!

I hope you are having a fantastic start to you week!! ❤️🥰

- paganini anon

Hi Paganini Anon! 💜

Ah yes. Jerry, my stand partner is an icon and I’m determined to become his best friend. I already have a plan for our next rehearsal 😌🤞🏻

Hahah I actually enjoy the phrase “lost in the sauce” a lot more than what I said!! It’s so true! I think it’s incredible that you’re in theater, and I completely get what you’re saying. I’m rooting for you and pls keep me updated (if you want to) on if you end up auditioning for anything!!!! I’m sure you’ll do great and it sounds like it would be so much fun!! The fine arts are such an incredible gift and my biggest regret is going so long without performing.

Thank you so much omg 😭 I am a very emotional person (I blame my Pisces moon, my therapist says otherwise tho), and I think it’s clear in my writing that I enjoy angst. I’ve always appreciated your support and anons on here, I go “ooo” whenever I see I have one!! They make my day 😌 I’m rly truly sooooooo glad you liked Agatha with the kids!!!! I added so many little details in, it always makes me excited to see what people enjoy and what they can relate to. And that’s so sweet 😭 it’s so incredible how one experience can help shape your entire life!!

No pls I love the asks! It’s fun- and I love writing letters! One of my friends from college and I would write each other letters back when the pandemic first hit and it was so fun. Yes!! I’m like… 1/4 of the way through writing the first chapter!! Yes yes yes it will have Carmen!!! It’s one of my absolute favorite operas. I remembered your ask and I was like oh wow that would be an interesting idea, could I do that? And then I brainstormed and decided I wanted to keep writing haha. Agatha is going to be on one while she’s conducting in the sequel and it’s going to be very entertaining to read. I’m so glad you’re excited!!!!! 💜✨

Ah thank you! It’s been a bit busy and the cold weather is making it hard for me to focus on things, but I am trying my best. I hope you’re having a good week too, thank you sm for the ask. I always love getting them!! ✨

[overlordchris]

More needless self reflection time.

The last 6 months have shown me that I really don’t care about a lot of things anymore.

Like, this as a whole sort of happened maybe 8ish years ago, I started to find it really hard to watch shows, finish video games, even read books, which up until that point was one of my favorite past times.

A common question on depression questionnaires is something along the lines of “have you lost interest or pleasure with things you used to enjoy”, which probably is a part of it, even though I can honestly say I’ve felt depressed since at least as far back as 12, that part of things never hit until a few years after I was in a relationship with my former partner.

In no way did it have anything to do with them, just to be clear, it just happened to coincide. Unfortunately.

I want to recapture my interests. Heck, I still have a longing for such things, it’s just that I can’t seem to get there whenever I try. I can only really describe it as with tv shows, there’s a growing uncomfortableness the more I watch, the more I’m invested, especially if it’s multiple episodes at a time. It’s sort of similar with games as well, though I think partly that’s more tied to them being great at getting my mind focused on something outside myself, so I dread them ending because once it ends, it will no longer be the mental relaxer it had been, opening the door for worse things to come back in.

Yes, it’s very nonsensical. Avoiding the game does the same thing with removing the mental relaxer, but at the very least, the gnawing anxiety isn’t there if I’m not constantly reminded as much. Out of site, out of mind. But of course, I still feel that longing curiosity to see it to the end.

Again, nonsensical.

But, as bad as it was/is, I’ve learned that what has kind of taken place is a desire to experience things, but with only with others.

Like Ive mentioned, I still have interest in a lot of things, but I for whatever reason don’t feel the motivation I guess to dive into most of them.

Movies are a great example. I like movies. I used to really like going to movie theaters and seeing all kinds of things, from small indie productions, to the mainstays we all know.

But, as much as I enjoy movies, over the years I’ve been less and less motivated to watch something, unless there’s someone else there with me.

Sure, there’s probably some social anxiety involved with say, going to a theater by myself, but more so I feel that it being a lonely experience is what really dissuades me. Not so much in the physical sense, but in the emotional ones.

The enjoyment I now find I get with doing most things is seeing the other person, or people in some cases (people I know and care about at least), enjoying the thing. It’s being able to share an experience that makes the experience itself worthwhile. Or maybe not worthwhile, but enough to get me motivated to actually do it? Maybe both?

Even as writing this I’m coming up with new theories. Like I just had the idea it’s maybe tied to me not wanting to let other people down? Honor my commitments? Thinking back to my recent failed relationship, when there were things I mentioned interest in, like movies I would have liked to go see, and my partner did not show any interest themselves, my motivation to try and see the movie would disappear. I still wanted to watch and experience the movie, it’s just, I’m pretty sure I wanted to share the experience.

Maybe it has something to do with acceptance? Like, if someone likes the same thing as me, and wants to experience something with me, it makes me feel like I matter to someone?

These are questions cause, I don’t know if I’m making actual self assessments, or just talking out of my ass. I can’t really trust my view on me cause I have a negative bias related to me. But, I’m gonna follow this a bit more.

I’ve always had a hard time fitting in with other people. It’s hard to describe, but generally my attempts at being intentionally social as a kid were very awkward. I always went I with a plan, and a goal. Maybe everyone does this and I was just bad at it? But when I meet someone, I’m actively studying them, what they’re saying, trying to find things out if maybe we have enough in common that I could then use that to convince them to have a good impression of me. Because I’m actively doing this in my head, I’m thinking and trying to listen at the same time, which causes me to miss some details when I am having a conversation. It also happens when it’s my turn to talk, where I try to think of what the best response would be, I sometimes stutter and/or flub my words because my mouth and voice cannot keep up with teleprompter style prepared response I’m trying express. Once the mistake has happened, my internal executive producer starts to scramble and try to formulate how to get back on track, fix the conversation, change it, all the while I’m still trying to finish getting through original response I had formulated.

Needless to say, I’m not good at conversation. Maybe people are able to detect that I’m more interested in trying to convince them I’m worthy of attention than just being friendly? Maybe it’s the fact I am terrible at turning my thoughts into words and I just come off as not actually knowing what I’m talking about (which is sometimes the case tbh)? Either/or, it’s something I’m very self aware that I’m not good with because my observation of others, which I do all the time (I’m a big eavesdropper) those conversations don’t feel as stiff or rehearsed.

Being so self aware, I’ve tried so so hard to try and make myself a better vocal communicator over the years. I’m definitely better than say 10 years ago, and I can’t tell you how bad it was back in my school days. Cringe.

That’s how I am with strangers, or people I don’t see often. In person, mind you. I think I’m pretty ok when I have the opportunity to write things out. Not great, but good enough.

With people I know, I still sort of do that analyzing and prepared responses, but the more comfortable I get with someone, the more excited I tend to get, you know? Like the fact they’ve come back to talk to me again (that’s not contractional or nefarious in nature) I tend to go off teleprompter script and shoot from the hip. But, in this case, I often become more… overbearing I think fits with what I’m thinking? I tend to talk a lot, get louder, I’m more animated with my gestures, I interrupt when tangentionala ideas or subjects come to mind, and often share with less of a filter on. This has often worn down those who maybe get passed the introduction phase, and as time moves on and I’m not able to reign things in properly, they end up leaving.

This entire conversational analysis tangent was to show that when I do find someone I like and start to feel comfortable with, it makes me feel accepted. Wanted even. I think ultimately that’s what I seek, feeling wanted, desired, important, accepted, all these different but similar meaning words in the different kinds of relationships they can apply to. Whereas I’ve seemed to have grown disinterested in a lot of things, when someone shows interest in me, it helps to motivate me to get up and get out there.

Is that codependency? I’ll have to look into that. I mean this all sort of feels like it’s a bad thing most ways you swing it. I could be considered a parasite of some sort, living off the joy and excitement of others? Parasites need hosts to survive because they cannot produce whatever necessary factor on their own. That’s kind of what I feel like I am.

I think why DnD has kept my interest when other things have fallen off is that it gives me that sort of accepted feeling. The people in the group all share a similar interest, and they keep allowing me to come back. That’s basically it. I’m pretty easy like that. I even went the next step and ran a few games for them because I was essentially wanting to share something of my own creation (the campaign specifically in this case), something I had put my “me-ness” into, and they continued to take part.

This isn’t to say I didn’t experience my manic phase with them. I had, and it did come close to me losing the group with how much I was pissing people off (not in a way you might think that typically comes of TTRPG horror stories, just more so with my high octane, low filter energy clashing with people just wanting to have a chill time). Thankfully I was able to reign myself back in enough that things were able to be smoothed over.

I’ve been a tad more distant with that group since, and hey, now that it’s been 6 months since my relationship ended, they’re still the only group of people still around. Everyone I knew I real life has ghosted me or were taken along with my ex. All that are left are the people I’m actively trying to keep at arms distance. I wish I could bond deeper with some of them, but I can’t. The more me someone gets, the less patient they become.

I’ve wanted to believe that I could find someone, or someones who I could feel comfortable enough to be effortlessly myself around, but I just can’t seem to. I don’t want to settle anymore, but because of that, I don’t want to even try anymore. I’m too much, I can’t change, and in some ways, I don’t even want to change. I want to just be me, with someone else who wants to be with just me.

Maybe there is someone out there who could vibe perfectly with me. But what are the odds I’d ever meet them? With the only case study to go off of being myself, slim to none.

[tyonfs]

besties (gone sexual) was so good!!!!! i wasn’t expecting it to be as huge as it was (literally fell asleep at 4:30 am last night trying to finish it but i still had like a third left 😭) but it was soooo worth it!!! it also didn’t feel like it was that huge tho??? a lot of stuff happened but you did so good at explaining and why. even the 3 times jaemin got puked on, that was some beautiful karmic timing imo. speaking of karma i think the amount of bad luck jaemin has to suffer was such a good way to keep him redeemable despite sometimes an absolute douchebag. a lovable douchebag tho. the amount of times i cackled in this fic tho!!! obviously the other installments of bitch hunters werr humorous too, but the addition of jisung, sungchan, yangyang, and hendery coming it to occasionally dunk on jaemin, too, when he deserves it was just *chef’s kiss*. i also think the length is justified because their situation is more complicated and nuanced than jeno and renjun who were just getting to know new people, and even hyuck who was making his situation complicated himself. jaemin and oc have so much history between them, literal years of friendship and complicated feelings. it’s kinda obvious by the end that the reason for jaemin douchebagginess to a lot of those girls was because he was so in love with oc and refusing to even consider that as possibility so he just rejects the idea of a relationship because also being with someone else seems impossible. ngl i did choke up a little when he makes the conclusion that in order to let his best friend try to be in a happy relationship, he has to extract himself from the equation because he wouldn’t be able to even be her friend in that circumstance. he didn’t have to make her cry tho!! but as someone who can also be a little emotionally constipated i understand that line of thinking. needless to say i really enjoyed this fic. i previously said and they were roommates was my favorite installment was my favorite but ngl, besties gone sexual might be giving it run for its money 👀 i’m always going to have a weak spot for long-time-best-friends-turned-friends-with-benefits-turned-lovers. i’m also feeling so nostalgic now that the series is over!! i’m gonna miss the bitch hunters universe, there’s so much stuff i’m curious about, especially the og bitch hunters because these four made them sound almost…mythical. and then there’s mark. love how jaehyun just came in to give jaemin a rewording of the centuries old saying of “it’s meant to be it will come back to you eventually” and jaemin acted like it was the greatest revelation ever simply because it came from him. anyways, whew, this turned out longer than i intended it to but i just have so many thoughts. also it fitting for such a long story. anyways, i’m done. this was such treat to read as always. i hope you’re having a lovely day, take care!!! 😘💗

OMG IM SORRY IT KEPT YOU UP THAT LONG 😭😭 PLS READ IT IN BREAKS I DONT WANNA RUIN UR SLEEP 🤲 wait lemme put the rest of my response under the cut it’s a bit long 😵‍💫

ppl say my writing doesn’t feel like a lot, which i think is a good thing?? so maybe that’s why HAHHA but i promise it was 43k words i’m not capping 😰 LMAODJF jaemin truly deserved to be puked on 😭 especially when he started drinking after renjun was seeing god on the couch 🧎‍♀️

ahh yesyes i think so too!! i think they needed a bit more development to figure out their problems and situations, unlike jeno and renjun who were meeting their love interests for the first time 🥹 and then hyuck’s dilemma was more of an internal thing that he had to get over himself, but jaemin’s situation was a lot more messy and tangled. i’m rlly glad you liked the additions of other characters tho!! i love writing jisung tbh so i thought he would be funny to include HAHAH and his dynamic with jaemin is kinda wholesome in my eyes :’)

HONESTLY i’m a little emotionally constipated so there might have been some projection in this fic!! it’s true he definitely had (kinda??) good intentions for distancing himself from mc, but he went about it the wronggg way and made her cry 😭 LIKE BOOOOOO 👎👎🍅🍅🍅

WOWOW that actually makes me so happy to hear that besties (gone sexual) might be your fav in the series :’) hyuck’s installment and jaemin’s are definitely my fav and i’m just a sucker for best friends to lovers 🤧 it’s such a sweet trope but can segway into a lot of misunderstandings and angst HAHAH

HAHAHAH THEY WORSHIP THE OGS 🥲 “these four made them sound almost… mythical. and then there’s mark” I CACKLED LMFAOO yeah mark was NOT part of the og squad so he doesn’t get the legendary pokémon type treatment 😭🤚 it’s a good thing renjun didn’t witness that conversation or else he would’ve beaten jaemin up after for ignoring him the entire time until jaehyun parroted his words LOL

but thank you love for taking the time to write all of this and send it to me!!! it makes me so happy that you had so much to share about my fic and it literally had me rereading with a huge smile on my face :’)) i hope you’re having a wonderful day/night and taking care 💜💜

[hoodiewithhorns]

━  using your safeword scenarios p.3 !★

genre : hurt/comfort smut.

characters : f! reader x sakusa, matsukawa, kenma

p.1  + p.2 + m.sterlist + requests  

(please read the rules before requesting ty.)

▼ cw : not proof read, use of safeword, neglect , unprotected sex, degradation , clit spanking ( 1 ), impact play ( sakusas part ), mentions of exe(s), caught masturbation (reader) , pillow humping, thigh riding, implied punishment, kinda crybaby reader, implied cockwarming, cheating (?), angst, established relationship, all characters are 18+, MDNI ▲

different safewords used this time <3

- ty to the anons and user @/please-take-me-to-the-moon for the scenarios <3 

sakusa 

word count : 1.4k

you knew better than to do this, humping your dearly beloved boyfriends pillow with just your cotton panties, a loose shirt with no bra under, like a bitch in heat, desperate for friction of any kind. You knew if he had caught you like this he would punish you that was guaranteed. however, in the literal heat of the moment you didn’t care. sakusa’s constant pattern of coming home the minute you were already fast asleep in your shared bed, never being able to fill the void of need in your little cunt. 

〜　☆

Considering he’d let this slide since its been a month since you’ve two have done anything sexual, these thoughts only making you hump his pillow even more desperate leaving a pool of your arousal staining his pillow, with the occasional soft whimpers of his name. losing yourself in your own lust, You didn’t hear the sound of the door clicking open.

Sakusa, leaving his practice early since his performance was unfavorable by the shitty mood he was in, lashing out on his teammates for the smallest things they’d do and so many more. in short, his team suggested he’d stay home t’ill he cooled down. 

“y/n? i’m home.”he walked around the empty apartment accompanied by the muffles of your soft moans, trying to find you as quickly as possible, obviously knowing it was you. he opened the bedroom door slowly and quietly. his eyes grew wide at the scene in front of him. 

still not noticing his presence in the door frame you continued humping his pillow feeling your high approach, but leave you since you needed him. 

“tch.” clicking his tongue at you in disapproval. you flinched letting go of his pillow to face him, feeling your heart race when you made eye contact with him, arms folded and a look of disgust planted on his pale face. Your eyes already filling up with tears knowing what comes next. “m’ y-yoomi! w-welcome home-”

“who the fuck gave you permission to touch yourself?” cutting you off, walking towards the bed, he pinned you down to the bed, arms on your sides, hovering over you with his dead, cold, heartless gaze cutting through you, as you tried to look away in shame only earning you a slap to the face to make you look at him. the sting causing you to choke out a sob. praying internally that he’d let you off the hook just this once. you were just needy for him.he has to understand that, right?

“answer me, right.now.”

“n-no one yoomi... i’m s-sorry please don’t wanna be punished!” you pleaded to him only making him more angrier. he grabbed your jaw making you whimper at the tight grip. scanning you top to bottom, eyeing at the wet patch on your underwear. 

“then why did you huh? couldn’t wait until i got home couldn’t you? needy fucking thing.” he tutted, letting go of your jaw harshly, tugging your panties down to your knees already feeling impatient himself by how his cock hardened through his shorts. despite wanting to punish you, he wanted you. needed you to be precise.

 the man hasn’t felt you in a whole month how could he not miss his girlfriends tight slutty cunt? removing his volleyball shorts letting his cock spring free, he strokes himself a few times before lining himself against your cunt, letting a small sigh when you felt his hard tip touch your soaked entrance. 

feeling slightly relief you were finally gonna feel him after so long. That feeling of relief however didn’t last long when he slammed his fat cock inside you without warning. you let out a yelp, hands immediately going to his chest hoping for him to not bruise your cervix from how deep he was already. he growled when he felt your palms try and stop him, so he slapped your hands away roughly marking them red. 

“b-but yoomi please it hurts..it h-hurts” 

you figured he didn’t hear you. but he was too focused on punishing you to care if it hurt or not. so you pleaded again for him to slow down. finally getting a response from him.

“shut up you disgusting whore.you brought this on yourself, touching yourself while your boyfriends away.”

“...dirtying up his fucking pillow while he’s gone. how fucking pathetic.”  he spits, slapping your clit harshly in attempt to get you to shut up. his degrading not having a hint of reassurance anywhere like it usually does when he fucks you. normally, he’d call you his “slut” or his whore but never ever calling you a disgusting one at most, what did this mean?..you asked yourself, mind going hazy with fear. feeling like your boyfriend finds you disgusting for your actions, and not a single trace of love or concern for you, not even noticing how you tried inching yourself away from his pace. 

sakusa was a mean dom yes, but he cared about you and your boundaries and right now it seemed like he didn’t care about any of those.

too focused on his own pleasure, not realizing you slowly started to breakdown in front of him, hands to your eyes shaken from how hard he hit them, as more tears fell to stain your cheeks.

“n-no not disgusting..i-i’m...so sorry..sakusa..just missed you.” you muttered no longer feeling the long needed pleasure of his cock, only feeling a painful discomfort in your chest as if your heart was gonna burst out of it at any minute. he was caught off-guard by you calling him by his last name, but that didn’t stop the brutal pace on your sloppy cunt. repositioning his hand to your hips digging his nails in your sides, bound to leave marks to be seen in the morning. 

“addressing me by my last name? what you think thats gonna make things better?”he muses, his pace speeding up making you whimper. you’ve just about had enough.

“germs! g-germs! no more, i don’t like this!! y-you’re hurting m-me sakusa... please s-stop..stop.” screaming your safeword, trying to get him off you, you pushed with the little strength in you with your fragile hands. it wasn’t enough but he got the message. blinking a few times to make sure he processed the current situation.

he sighed pulling his cock out watching you with wolf eyes as you softly cried to yourself, turning to your side. he didn’t say anything he just laid down beside you. sneaking an arm around your waist, face buried in your neck. he planted some soft kisses onto it trying to make you relax. if he was being brutally honest, he didn’t know what to do.

you never used your safeword and even if it didn’t show in his face, he was pretty frightened. watching you tense up and shake around him all because of him.

“ y-yoomi..im sorry-”

“don’t be.”

he rubs your hands with his thumb in slow but comforting circles, seeing its still red from being slapped away by him, along with him kissing your cheek to simmer down the sting from earlier. god he felt so bad, but was so scared at the same time, all he wanted to do was hold you close..

..and thats what he did, watching you curl up to his chest. The room was silent for a few minutes that felt like hours gone by. you looked up at him with the look you always gave him. Full of love and adoration even with puffy eyes and hurt in your chest you still loved him.

He looked down noticing the soft smile you gave him as if nothing happened. Titling his head in confusion he asks

“why are you smiling? aren’t you upset..at me?”

you shook your head at him, “no yoomi I’m not mad. My body kinda hurts yes, but I’m glad to have you home...i missed you so much I’m sorry i touched myself without permission...”

he lightly smiles at you kissing your lips softly.

“it’s okay. tomorrow we’ll have the day all to ourselves and we can do whatever you want my love. I’m sorry i was so mean... i was having a bad day and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

you paused leaning in closer to his chest as you mumbled.

“can we...take a bath together yoomi?”

“oh sure...here i’l carry you.”

needless to say, you forgave him and gave him one last kiss before going to bed.

kenma

word count : 886

kenmas work schedule was god awful since he was practically up to play games and just that leaving you feeling needy and neglected. you hated it. 

but tonight you were just, so needy and couldn’t stand this constant neglect.

No matter how many times you touched yourself of grind against something it couldn’t compare to the way kenma would stuff you with his cock.

he wasn’t a super harsh dom leaning towards a mix of soft and mean, but he still prioritized your needs before his. and tonight you were gonna get that version of kenma.

walking towards the couch he was playing his games at slowly, with nothing but his hoodie and knee highs. you bit your lip standing in front of him, fiddling your thumbs out of nervousness. He titled his head to remove you from his line of sight to see the tv screen better making your heart ache just a little, being so used to it already.

taking a deep breath you sat in between on of his thighs wrapping your arms around his neck making him let out a groan of annoyance to your needy antics.

he continued to play his game acting as if you weren’t there and nothing changed. it all came to a halt when he felt you grinding on his thigh, letting out small cries of his name.

“baby.... please” you mumbled facing his disinterested face not even sharing a glance at you as he continued to move his thumbs around his controllers joystick. He didn’t even pay mind to the fact you were borderline naked either.

“five minutes pretty girl.” he muttered still too absorbed in his game. You pouted shifting your legs to be wrapped around him now, wet cunt on top of his crotch rubbing against him lightly. Making him flinch at the sudden friction. giving you hope he’d give you what you want now. you smirked continuing to grind against him making him bite back a grunt. 

“ugh what are you doing?” he said clearly annoyed by your antics already.

your face became red while placing your hands on his shoulders slowly starting to grind against his growing bulge. “want your attention kenma please need you so bad.” you begged hoping he’d give you something anything really.

but being kenma, he went back to his video games. your pout returning once more. “but kenma, please i really really need you.” you continued with your antics and he paused his game, putting his controller on the coffee table. 

“fine you want me so fucking bad?” he grabs you by the hips making you yelp as he throws you down the couch. back hitting the cushions while he takes your legs and wraps them around his waist.

he pulls down his sweats pumping himself a few times as he rolls his head back, holding back his grunts. he slowly slides his cock into you, being easy to do considering how wet you were already for him. 

he groans as he bottoms out inside you starting steady, but slowly picking up the pace to be more..brutal.

“k-kenma..m’ feels good thank you thank you” you rambled out praises making him grab you by the throat to thrust into you faster. 

“god you’re so fucking annoying bothering me because you wanted to get your cunt stuffed like a little slut while i fucking work.” he scoffs making your eyes shoot open at him.

“such a fucking annoying little slut.” he continues his degradation thr grip on your throat not loosening. you felt you eyes grow teary as he continued to call you more vulgar names with the sprinkle of him calling you annoying. 

“ c-console...” you mumbled wrapping your hands on his wrists, making him let go of your throat. he froze getting closer to your face as he pulls out slowly.

“huh? Whats wrong does it hurt?” he asks rubbing away your tears with the pad of his thumb. 

your lip quivered as more tears started to form. “...i-im annoying...?” you looked him in his eyes as more broken sobs leave you.

“I just wanted some attention kenma...you’re always so busy sometimes I don’t even think you remember i exist..” you muttered feeling small under his cat like stare. 

he sighed kissing your cheek, falling to your. side feeling his breath hit your neck. “sorry baby i swear i didn’t mean it...you’re not annoying its my fault for not giving you attention.” he admits as you wrap around him. 

“y-you promise you didn’t mean it?” you ask once more. he sneaks a hand under your head to lift you up to his chest, patting your head softly. 

“ i promise. here why don’t you sit on my lap, we can do that thing you wanted to try last week...” he looks away embarrassed, you tilt your head in confusion but then realize what he was referring to. you nodded joyfully wrapping your arms around his neck, he adjusts himself for you to line up to take him. he  slowly puts you back down on his cock. hissing at the returning feeling.

He smiled kissing your forehead lightly as he hugged you tight. 

“better my love?”

“mhm mhm!” you said placing your head on his shoulder as you relax into him. slowly drifting away into sleep. its not much, but at-least it stuffs your very needy cunt.

matsukawa 

word count : 615

what lead to this? you two were just on a simple date together at a nearby mall shopping together, looking at upcoming movies, stopping by a few manga stores and bakeries to treat yourselves. overall, just enjoying the time shared together. 

that is t’ill the two of ran into your ex. issei watching the two of you talk to each other not realizing how uncomfortable you really were, hiding it with a friendly facade of course going unnoticed by him since he was practically death glaring your ex. 

he was basically third wheeling in your conversation with your ex. you would side eye issei hoping he’d pull you out of your situation but it was too late since his mind was cloudy with jealousy and rage.  

now, leading up to your current predicament. a heavy make-out now leading to a degradation fest.  

“aw whats wrong little slut can’t take me, fucking pathetic much?” he teases pounding you at a faster pace. “can’t believe my own fucking girlfriend was just there being all friendly to her ex..what don’t tell me you still want him?” he muses making you rapidly shake your head. 

“ no i don’t i swear issei..just wan’ you..”you muttered eyes growing puffy from how cruel he spoke to you as he continued to suggest away of how would get him back since it seemed like you missed him from how friendly you were acting.

growing quiet at his words trying to tune out his words. it’ll all be over soon anyways, you just had to hold on a bit you told yourself. of course you were an idiot for letting him keep going. 

“ maybe i should go ask how kimi’s doing act all friendly and nice towards her.” you tuned into what issei had said in horror at what he just said.

kimi, his much prettier ex who t’ill this day wasn’t over him and he knew this. throwing it in your face as he darkly chuckled at you. you removed your arms that were wrapped around his neck pulling him close. and cupped your face in your hands at the thought of your boyfriend going back to his ex. leaving you alone again.

he wouldn’t right? even though she was much prettier in every feature she had compared to you. he wouldn’t right..? right? 

“f-funeral...“you sniffled making him stop all his movements and lock eyes with you. your safeword ringing in his ears. 

“hey..hey no i didn’t mean it...” he quickly pulls you towards him, pulling you out of him and hugging you tight. he rocks you softly back and forth in his embrace letting all your bottle up feelings burst onto him.  he quick to comfort you and pepper a few kisses on your face.

“ issei..” you mumbled against his chest. he rubs your back looking down at you.

“yes baby..?” his voice shaken with worry hoping you weren’t too mad at him.

“ i-i don’t miss him.. i was only being nice..i was uncomfortable talking to him why didn't you..” he internally punches himself for being so blind and not being able to see by all your movements how uncomfortable you were just breathing the same air as your ex.

he was too blinded by his jealousy to realize his poor baby was scared. he mumbled a curse before apologizing.

“i’m sorry baby i didn’t realize he was making you uncomfortable i should've done something..” his eyes wander away from you.

“ i was just jealous..” he admits

“but issei.. you’re all i want.” you say kissing his cheek and he smiles gracefully. 

“am i-i all you want sei?”

“ duh pretty baby. everything  i want and need.”

matsukawas is so short i’m so sorry ahhhh but i hope u all enjoyed <3

[notanotherreidgirl]

What about a recount of sub!Spence having all his first times with reader (kiss, groping, handjob etc etc) and then FINALLY they're going to do the big one and Spence is so excited but also so nervous and you're reassuring him and it's the first you're doing anything that requires a condom so you offer to put it on for him. But Spence is so worked up and just cums as you roll down the condom.

This has been in my thoughts for longer than I'd like to admit

well damn, anon. i'm gonna be thinking of this way more than I'd be comfortable admitting to as well.

there is a bit of buildup in this one so sit tight

Warnings: kissing, handjob, premature ejaculation, blowjob (kinda, just a little bit), oral sex (female receiving - only mentioned), size kink

Spencer clutched the bouquet of flowers to his chest as he crossed the street to your place. He felt a little silly bringing flowers especially considering what you guys were planning to do but they reminded him of your first date. The two of you had passed a florist and you pointed out your favorites so he pulled you in and bought them for you right on the spot.

At the end of the night he dropped you back to your apartment and stood there for a moment, desperately wanting to kiss you but he didn’t know where to begin. Should I ask for permission? Would that kill the mood? Would you even want to kiss me? What if you didn’t kiss me back? What if I ruin things?

But then you just leaned in and captured his lips with yours as if it were the simplest thing in the world. He brought the flowers to his face and remembered how the bouquet had crinkled between the two of you that night, the sweet floral scent wafting up and sealing that perfect moment.

Shakily he knocked at your door and it swung open immediately. You ushered him in with a peck on the cheek, hurriedly bringing him into the warmth of your apartment. The first time he had been here he couldn’t help but commit your place to memory, trying hard not to profile you despite his desire to learn everything about you. It was so cozy, so warm, so inviting - he never wanted to leave.

You jolted him back to the present by taking the flowers and telling him to take a seat on the couch while you put them in water. He sat down and memories of you stroking his cock in this very spot flooded his mind. It was the first time someone other than himself had touched him in this way. You had taken him in your hand so carefully, praising him profusely as you glided your hand up his shaft and swiped your thumb across the tip on each pass. He recalled how deeply embarrassed he was at how quickly he had come but you had simply guided his hand underneath your pants to feel your wetness.

“See what you do to me, baby?” you had whispered and he experienced yet another first that night, tasting the sweetness between your legs. For the past few weeks, that was all the two of you had done but last night when he called to let you know his case was wrapping up you alluded to doing something more the next time you were together.

Needless to say, Spencer had been overwhelmed with nerves for the last 24 hours. He had to redo all his paperwork because he kept making silly mistakes, he spent nearly 45 minutes fixing his hair, he read 83 scientific articles pertaining to sexual gratification. As if you could sense his worry, you settled in next to him and took his hands in yours. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want”

He intertwined his fingers with yours, engulfing your hand in his. The first time you had held hands was at a horror film festival, you had grabbed onto him at a jump scare and didn't let go for the rest of the movie. “No, Y/N. It’s not that. I’m not - I don’t have the most experience and-” he sighed, looking down at his shoes. “I don’t want to disappoint you”

“Spencer, look at me” you tugged at your interlocked hands until he met your eyes. “You could never ever disappoint me. You understand?”

He nodded. You could tell he wasn’t convinced but it would do. “Good, now kiss me”

That he could do. Your lips met softly at first but the kiss quickly deepened and you smiled into his mouth at how eager he was. When you felt the tension in his arms start to loosen, you pulled away and guided him towards the bedroom. He followed your lead, undressing between kisses and murmured words of praise until you were finally toying with the waistband of his underwear. You looked up at him for consent and he blushed, giving you a nod. It wasn’t like you hadn’t seen him before but it was different this time.

You sucked in a breath when you pulled his waistband down. “You’re so pretty, Spence. My pretty boy”

His cock involuntarily twitched at the praise and he stifled a whimper. You moved over him, straddling him low over his thighs and bringing his cock to rest on your stomach, the tip just past your belly button. His eyes widened when he saw how far up he reached, how deep inside you he would be. You stroked him lightly, spreading his precum and relishing in the symphony of whines and soft, little moans erupting from his lips. “You’re doing so good, Spence. You like that?”

He nodded vigorously and you smiled. “There are condoms on the nightstand”

He grabbed one and fumbled a bit with the wrapper, his nerves getting the best of him. “You need some help with that?”

“Y-yes, please.” You tore it open and positioned it at the tip, starting to roll it down. He threw his head back against the pillows as soon as he felt the latex encase him, biting down on his lip but it was no use. When you got halfway he let out an involuntary shudder and a loud whine and you felt his warm cum underneath the condom, seeping out and pooling onto his stomach.

“That’s so fucking hot” your voice was different, low and hoarse with lust. You quickly removed the condom and changed positions, pushing yourself down and nestling between his legs. Spencer didn’t have any time to process his embarrassment, much less stammer out an apology, before you were licking a stripe up the underside of his cock. “Let me clean you up and then we’ll try again”

Blurb Masterlist

[aries-writingblog]

Brave Enough

Summary: Bucky wonders if he’ll ever be brave enough to admit his feelings to you

Words Count: 1980- ish (I got a little carried away- sorry!!)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: language, characters engaging of age drinking

A/N: gif is not my own, credit to original creator. Happy reading!!

“Bucky, lighten up, man.” Steve griped, flicking through the menu. The brunette didn’t respond, just slumping down lower in his chair and sulking even more. A deep frown etched onto his features. “It’s just a couple hours.”

“Whatever.” He snipped. Bucky could feel his teeth grit together, his jaw aching from pressure. Sam’s foot connected with his under the table, a teasing tilt to his eyebrows.

“He’s just mad that he has to be here instead of lurking ‘round in the shadows back home.” Sam nudged his foot again. Bucky kicked out, but Sam was too quick. Pulling his foot away just in time. “You ever catch him at like three in the morning, just standing around in a dark hallway?”

“Shut up.” Bucky hissed, snatching a spoon from his place setting. The utensil flew across the table, smacking Sam in the chest before falling to his lap. “And I’m not mad I have to be here.”

He truly wasn’t upset he had to be there. He was upset that one person in particular wouldn’t be in attendance. YN was still off on a mission, unfortunately missing Wanda’s birthday dinner. Without her, Bucky would just spend the whole night sulking, no one else treated him the way she did. No one else was her. Without her, his night was already marked as uneventful and boring.

“You are.” Steve corrected, glancing to his watch. “The girls should be here by now. What’s holding them?”

Bucky glanced around the restaurant, eyes scanning over Tony who was animatedly speaking with the owner. Bruce, retuning from the restroom, Peter following him with a million questions. The older man seemed to age further as the teen pestered him- asking questions ranging from science to personal. The kid could be slightly invasive at times.

The door opened- the other half of their party. The birthday girl. Wanda made her way across the room, Natasha behind her and…

“YN.” Bucky felt a weight lift from his chest- possibly his reluctance to be at the table. He watched as she gave him a small smile and wave before Wanda pulled her off to the bathroom.

“Save me a seat!” YN called, meeting Bucky’s eyes. His eyes followed her all the way, until he could no longer see her. Then he was brought back into reality by a cough.

Fuck- he did that in public. His eyes fell to Steve and Sam, their faces schooled into expressions of taunting delight.

“You gonna save her a seat or what?” Steve asked, lips twitching as they begged to smile. Bucky flicked his wrist, giving his friend a very classy middle finger as they snickered in response.

But Bucky did as she said. He unfolded the napkin at the place mat on his right, showing someone was going to sit there. Then he tucked his hands into his lap, waiting anxiously for her return. Sam pursed his lips, leaning his elbows on the table. Bucky groaned, regretting his decision to stay out when Sam sat across from him.

“Won’t you just tell her you’re in love? It would be a lot easier.” He advised, fingers laced under his jaw. Bucky scowled, his foot finally catching Sam off guard, foot connecting with his shin bone. The man cursed, jerking his chair back.

The bathroom door opened, the trio of women hustling toward the table. Natasha was shoving YN playfully, the woman responding with a laugh. Then she turned her eyes to him and he stopped breathing. Stopped living. Oxygen leaving his lungs at an exponential rate when she smiled. Teeth flashing.

“Got a seat for me, Barnes?” She asked- the sound of her voice snapping his consciousness back into the present. Bucky stumbled over himself clumsily, shoving his own chair back to pull hers out for her. “Thank you.” He pushed her back in before taking his own.

“I thought you were still in Arizona?” He kept a constant tab in his brain to focus. There had been several occasions when the pair were carrying a conversation and he noticed, too late, he had just been staring into her eyes. He didn’t mean to- it just happened.

“Just landed. Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner I was back- Wanda begged me to come tonight so I had to rush to get dressed.” She explained, giving a half hearted gesture to her clothes. Bucky saw nothing wrong with them- she looked beautiful as always.

“No worries. You look beautiful anyways.” Bucky smiled. He could see in the corner of his eye- Sam and Steve sharing a look across the table. Bucky always experienced these mood swings around YN.

If he was distraught, she was there to soothe him. If he was annoyed or angry, just seeing her face would brighten his day. If he was happy, which wasn’t too often without her being a catalyst, she only intensified that feeling.

Bucky had met YN three months into his stay at the Tower. They shared a wall- his apartment was the one beside hers. He didn’t know she was his neighbor the night she came stumbling home from a mission- exhausted and dirty. Dried blood on her hairline and a red path dripping from her nose. She didn’t notice him that night as he sat in the quiet common area of floor 48. She brushed past him and dug into the fridge. He watched her shove six slices of cold pizza onto a plate and snatch three beers before disappearing into her apartment.

Needless to say, he was intrigued. But he never spoke to her. Not until two months later, in the middle of the night. She happened upon him sitting in the quiet, wide awake and writing in his journal. She commented that she also journaled- sprinting back to her bedroom to bring back a leather bound journal covered in stickers. She then offered him some of his own stickers, pressing them to the black journal in his hands.

Four months of midnight meetings passed and Bucky was infatuated. He found himself wanting to speak to her all the time- going out of his way to find her and talk. Thinking of her all the time, linking an activity with her. Asking himself ‘I wonder what YN would think of…’ Sitting with her at meals, hanging out when she was home. If he could, Bucky would have her attached to his hip at all times.

When they were together, Bucky would go to any lengths necessary to keep her there longer. To take more of her time. For once in his life, he wanted to be selfish. He wanted her complete and undivided attention. Most times, he received it. She happily gave into him, pouring affection onto the super soldier. And he swam in it- unabashedly. Unashamed to be so intoxicated around her.

“Hey, what are you ordering?” YN whispered, leaning toward his

Bucky snapped back, again, noticing that everyone had taken a seat and began to order their meals. Her eyes were trained on him expectantly. YN had seen him lose focus and attempted to reel him back in. He always seemed to fade away, she noticed. She didn’t know where his mind went when it happened but she was a pessimist- she assumed the worst.

“Me- ordering?” Bucky stuttered, his tongue barely catching up with his mind. He winced as she gave a soft smile- another snicker coming from across the table. He shot a glance over to Sam, the biting glare garnered a snarky reply.

“Smooth.” Sam muttered, propping his menu in front his face, shielding it from Bucky’s wrath.

“Sam.” Steve scolded lightly, voice low. Bucky bit back his embarrassment, clearing his throat before responding. It was gonna be a long night.

~~~~~~

YN giggled again, swaying as Bucky latched an arm around her waist. Keeping her upright. It was a struggle- she was very touchy when she was tipsy. Bucky’s heart did jumping jacks, unsure if he should revel in the affection or be disappointed she was doing it while drunk.

“Oh- Bucky, what if we took Four Loko’s and, and… White Claws!” Her fingers wiggled as she spoke, eyes watery and wide. Bucky chuckled, his body unaccustomed to the motions.

“No more alcohol for you tonight, alright? You’re already gonna hate me in the morning for letting you drink so much.” He tugged her waist gently, allowing his fingers to rest on her hip. YN rested her head against his chest as the elevator slowed to a stop on their floor.

“I could never hate you, you know that, right?” She asked, eyes gazing up at him. Bucky heaved a gentle sigh, meeting her eyes. A soft smile on his lips.

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

The pair slowly exited the elevator, YN trying her best to break away from his grip. Her attention span was that of a mouse- hands reaching for things in the hallways and in the common area. Finally, they reached the set of doors belonging to them. He released her very carefully to dig through his pockets. YN had given him her spare key months ago, he had it on his key ring. She had it printed in a bright blue- the loudest color on the ring when compared to the black key of his motorcycle and the silver key of his apartment.

He didn’t really need the color distinction. There were only three keys there but hers was the most important one. He had it memorized the day she gave it to him.

“Hey Friday, unlock Bucky’s main door.”

“What? She can do that?” Bucky whipped around, catching a fleeting glimpse of her wobbling, unsteady body as she stumbled into his apartment. “Fuck.”

Bucky abandoned his task in favor of the new, more important task. Getting YN out of his apartment. He followed her at a quick pace, hand outstretched to snatch her wrist but she made an abrupt turn down his hallway. Toward his bedroom.

“YN!” He hissed, reaching for her again. She shoved the door open and made her way into the room. “What are you doing?”

“I wanted to see your apartment- you never let me in here when we hang out.” She murmured, eyes locking in on the bookshelf in the corner. She made a beeline to it, fingers tracing over the spines of the books. She reached for a book on the second shelf. The second shelf was dedicated to his old journals.

“Okay, maybe…” he gingerly broke her grasp on the book before she could open it, sliding it back into place. Bucky rested his hands on her shoulders, steering her out of the room. “We can do a tour when you’re a little more sober.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t want her there- Bucky wanted to show her everything, give her everything. But some part of himself kept pushing it all back, keeping her in the light. He didn’t want her to see the bad parts, and there were plenty. He was terrified she wouldn’t want his broken pieces if she saw them.

YN hummed, breaking from his grasp again. He sighed in defeat, letting her go. She tossed her phone to the rug and flopped face first into the bed. A sigh of content rushed from her lips as she snuggled deeper into the blankets.

“Your bed is sooo comfy…” Her voice was muffled by the thick comforter. “This isn’t fair- my bed isn’t this comfy.”

No one’s slept in it since it was purchased- Bucky but back the comment, deciding it wasn’t a good topic to broach. Considering the circumstances. He stood, watching her for a moment. Allowing her to take control for the time being. The smile from earlier began to creep onto his face as she snuggled deeper into the sheets- fully clothed.

“Alright- enough of that, YN. Let’s get you home.” He murmured, tugging on her ankle. She didn’t budge. Bucky stopped, looking up to her face. She was sound asleep. “YN?”

Nothing.

Bucky sighed.

He reached for her ankle again, unclipping the heels from her feet, allowing them to fall to the floor. He swung her legs around, tugging the blankets down on the bed. Bucky pulled them back over her body, reaching into her hair to pull it out of the tight bun she had it in. The hair tie around his wrist as he tucked her in.

“Goodnight, YN.” He whispered softly. Bucky hesitated, lips close to her temple. He could hear a faint snore coming from her throat, dark lashes resting against her cheekbones.

He allowed himself to carefully lean forward, lips pressing to her temple gently. Then he backed away quietly, turning the lights off as he exited. He couldn’t help himself- stealing another glance at her sleeping figure before closing the door. He also couldn’t help the bittersweet smile that tugged at his lips.

One day… one day I’ll be brave enough for you.

Read Part 2: Courageous

[electricbarnes]

tell me you still see me

steve rogers x reader

summary: steve has been working a lot lately. you begin to have doubts about your relationship.

↳ songs i listened to for inspiration 

wc: 5.9k | warnings: some angst, overthinking, self-doubt, implied smut 

note: this is a repost from my old account that was deleted. so if it’s familiar, that’s why! i wasn’t planning on reposting but i read it over and decided why not. i have another steve fic that i’m almost done with, so i wanted to post this in the meantime. i made a few minor edits. i hope you like it! and if you decide to reread it, thank you x1000 !!

You arrive at your apartment, hands filled with groceries for the week. You struggle to open the door with the many bags on your arms, but eventually make it inside. You kick off your heels and set the bags down on the kitchen counter. After freeing your hands, you reach into your purse to find your phone. You unlock it and tap on the first name at the top of your recent calls.

The phone rings for a bit before you hear the sound of your boyfriend’s voice saying “Hello”.

“Oh my god Steve, you’re never gonna believe what I saw at the store just now,” you say, thinking of the wild thing you witnessed during your shopping trip. It’s not everyday that you see someone throw themselves into a cereal box display. It was a hilarious sight and you just wanted to tell someone about it.

“So, I was just strolling through the isles looking for some snacks when a-” you’re cut off before getting too into the story.

“Honey, can this wait? I’m about to go into a mission briefing,” Steve says in a hushed tone. Immediately, you feel guilty for interrupting him while he’s busy. It was well into the evening and you had assumed he wouldn’t be working.  

“Oh, uh yeah of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” you apologize.

“That’s okay,” he reassures you, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, talk to you later then.”

The phone beeps, indicating the call was over. You sigh and go back to the task of putting your groceries away.

You decide to lounge around the rest of the day, trading your work clothes for some comfy sweats and a tee shirt. You spend the night mindlessly scrolling through social media while reruns of some sitcom play on the tv. You even send Steve a few memes here and there. You’re not really sure if he’ll understand them but they reminded you of him.

After eating a late dinner, you channel surf for a bit before putting on a random movie. When the movie finishes, it’s nearly 11pm and you realize that Steve hasn’t called you back. You pick up your phone, tempted to call him but decide it’s better to wait till tomorrow. He hasn’t replied to your texts, so there’s a chance he’s still busy despite the late hour.

Unfortunately for you, being a superhero is a full time job, which means that Steve can be busy at any moment of any day. You knew this going into a relationship with thee Captain America. To be fair though, you didn’t think you’d actually get to know the super soldier like you do now.  

When you met Steve, he was just some handsome guy at the park who helped you with directions when you were visibly lost. You ended up seeing him at the park again a couple days later. Recognizing you, he stopped and asked if you wanted to get a coffee. Who were you to deny this man?

You spent two hours in a café getting to know each other before exchanging numbers. In hindsight, his vague answers about his career were a little suspicious. It wasn’t until you went home that night and saw a picture of Steve in a tweet captioned “idc that captain america is like 100 yrs old, he can still get it 😍”.

Needless to say, you were shocked. While you were feeling dumb for not recognizing him sooner, you also wondered why he didn’t say anything. After an awkward confrontation about the subject, he explained how he didn’t want you to go out with him just because he was Captain America. You were quick to ease his worries and reassure him that you were interested in Steve for Steve, not for his heroic persona.

Since then, your relationship with Steve has been nothing but amazing. He was always so sweet with you, taking you on simple but romantic dates. There was something about that 40s charm that was so endearing. You loved the small things, like how he would always open the door for you or how he would bring you flowers on each date. It was so easy to talk to him about anything and everything. You felt like he was not only your boyfriend, but also your best friend.

There were times where you wondered why he ever picked you, an average person compared to the super people he’d work with everyday. He could’ve had anyone he wanted. Steve would say that you were like his sanctuary from the hectic world of being an Avenger. It meant a lot to you that you could be that person for him. You thought he deserved some peace after everything he’s been through. He wanted to protect you from the evil that inherently came with the job, which you understood, so he rarely spoke about the missions he’d go on. The less you knew the better. Though sometimes, you would wish he’d open up more about what was going on while he was away. Especially since he would be gone for days on end.

It was only a month into your relationship that you realized how hard it’d be when he would leave to be Captain America. It was his first time leaving for a mission that lasted longer than a day. He had to spend a week in some place on the other side of the world with no way of contacting him. Of course, you were worried the entire time he was gone. Despite trying to distract yourself with work and personal tasks, Steve was always at the forefront of your mind.

You had never felt such relief than the day he called you after a whole week of silence. Steve had even asked you shyly if he could come over that night. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he told you that he needed to see you. It was the first time he had spent the night at your place. Having Steve’s arms wrapped around you the entire night just felt right. You knew as early as then that you loved him.

Over the year that you had been together, those long missions became easier to manage. You’d always trust that he’d come back to you in one piece. Steve would sometimes feel guilty about being away for so long that he’d try to make it up to you by taking you on an extraordinary date. But you always assured him that you were happy to just be with him, even if it was just something like the two of you watching a movie at your place.

Lately, Steve has been more distant with you. You’ve chalked it up to the fact that there’s a literal distance between you two since he’s moved upstate to the newly built Avengers compound. Before, he was just a short drive away from the Avengers tower to your apartment. Now, he’s hours away from you. There were discussions of you moving in with him, but your job was in the city and you couldn’t leave that behind.

You both decided to make the best of the situation, calling and texting whenever possible. FaceTiming was the usual occurrence throughout the week, often before bed. You’d tell him about your day in the office and he’d tell you about the new recruits he would train. On the weekends, he’d stay over at your place. It was rare that you’d stay at the compound. Steve said he’d preferred your apartment, claiming it was homier than the compound. Plus, you’d actually have some privacy.

For a long time, it had been a good system. You love Steve and did anything to make the relationship work because he’s worth it. Yet, you couldn’t help the lonely nights where you wondered if he felt the same.

Calls were less frequent. Texts were unanswered. Weekend plans were cancelled because Steve would be assigned to missions during those days. You’d understand, of course. He’s out there saving people! You can’t fault him for that, but it doesn’t stop you from missing him.

Now, it had been almost two weeks since you’d last seen him in person. You had texted him throughout the day, but texting wasn’t his favorite thing. Texts were usually reserved for quick check-ins and reminders of I love you’s. He preferred calling and you did too, hearing his voice was much better.

After learning that he had been back from a short mission, you texted him.

You: FaceTime later? ☺️

You were eager to see him, even if it was through a screen. You were just hoping he had the time.

Steve ♡: Sure.

Later that night, you sat on your bed with your laptop, opening up FaceTime. After a few rings, Steve’s face appears on the screen. A smile immediately breaks out on your face.

“Hi babe!” you say cheerily, finally getting to see your boyfriend after what felt like forever.

“Hi honey,” he says with a soft smile.

Your smile dims a bit, eyebrows furrowing when you recognize the background. “Are you still in your office?” It was pretty late and you assumed he’d be in bed by now.

“Yeah, I was finishing up on some mission reports,” he explains, shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you’d be done by now,” you apologize, recalling the last time you had interrupted him from his work.

“No, no” he waves his hand, “I thought I’d be done by now too, but it’s a lot more than I expected.”

You frown at the thought of your boyfriend overworking himself. You want to ask him about it, but you know he’ll say what he always does when you ask about his missions: It’s classified.

“You’re not stressing yourself out too much, are you Steve?” you ask, concern evident in your voice. Even through the hazy quality of the webcam, you can see the tired look in his eyes.

“Never,” he says with a smirk.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” you say with a teasing tone.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about honey,” he reassures you. “Besides, I wanna know what you’ve been up to.”

You scoff, “well, it’s definitely not nearly exciting as your week must’ve been.”

“I still wanna know,” he says with that boyish grin you love.

Steve always knew how to make those butterflies appear. You end up telling him about the incident you witnessed at the store which makes him laugh as he imagines the odd sight. He tells you about a prank Tony pulled on him and Sam and you beg him to send you the recording of it. He refuses, but you know you’ll get your hands on the footage eventually. Things felt normal again, just talking to him.

“So I was mixing the dough and halfway through I realized I completely forgot about the eggs,” you were in the middle of telling him about the new recipe you ended up ruining earlier this week.

Steve hums in response. You notice him looking to the side, not looking at the screen and you hear the sound of typing.

“and then a blue monster broke into my apartment,” you make up in an attempt to get his attention.

“Mhmm”

“and he stole all the cookies,” you continue.

“Hmm”

“Steve,”

Silence.

“Steve,” you say with a little more force.

“Huh?” he finally looks up at the screen.

“You’re not listening to me,” disappointment laces your voice.

“I was,” he quickly defends but you don’t buy it.

“Uh huh,” you cross your arms and lean back against your headboard. “What was I talking about?”

Steve glances elsewhere, not meeting your eyes when he mumbles “something about a party?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “yeah, like 10 minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry honey, I was listening, really… but these reports need to be done,” he says with an apologetic look on his face.

You couldn’t stay mad at him, but you did feel hurt that he would pretend to listen rather than just telling you something.

“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

He must notice the disappointment on your face because he apologizes once more.

“I’ll make it up to you honey,” he promises.

“Are you coming this weekend?” you ask hopefully. He couldn’t come last weekend and you were missing him terribly.

“Of course,” he gives you a tired smile that you return.

“Okay, finish those reports and get some sleep,” you instruct, emphasizing the last part.

“Yes ma’am,” he raises his hand, mock saluting you which makes you giggle.

“Goodnight Stevie, I love you,”

“Love you too sweetheart”

The call ends and you go to bed with a smile on your face.

The rest of the week goes by quickly. You’re excited to get to the weekend because that means you can finally see your boyfriend, in person! Not just behind some screen. It’s been almost three weeks since the last time he came over and you miss his touch.

It was Friday afternoon and you were sitting at a small table in the cafe you frequent, taking a lunch break. Halfway through your break, you got a call from Steve. You were a little surprised to see his picture pop up on your phone since you’re usually the one to call him. Nevertheless, you smiled and answered “Hi babe.”

“Hey honey,” he greets.

“I’m glad you called, I was thinking of picking up a few things from the store after work today. Do you need anything?”

“Uh… about that,” he says in a low voice. Your heart immediately sinks, already knowing what he’s going to say next.

“You’re not coming.” A statement, not a question.

“I’m sorry honey. A mission came up and we leave tonight,” he explains and you almost want to laugh. Of course he’s leaving again.

“How long?” you ask. Maybe it’s just for a day and he can still come on Saturday or even Sunday.

“Two days… maybe three,”

You take a moment to process his words. Part of you saw this coming. It seemed too good to be true that you’d finally have him all to yourself. You glance up, trying to fight the sudden feeling of tears in your eyes. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of a busy café.

“There’s… there isn’t a chance you can skip this one?” you hesitantly ask. Normally, you’d just accept it, but your patience was running thin. This is the second time in a row he’s cancelled on you.

“You know I can’t. This is important,” he says it so sternly, like he doesn’t realize he’s breaking your heart. The missions are always important. More important than you.

“Yeah, but you’ve been working nonstop. I mean, don’t you want a break? Aren’t there others who can go instead?” you argue, voice raising.

“Y/N, I’m going. I have to,” he insists, leaving no room for an argument. You knew how stubborn Steve could be, so you knew he wasn’t going to change his mind on this. Rationally, you knew he probably had no choice in the matter but you took a chance anyways.

“Okay,” you relent.

You can hear Steve sigh before saying, “I’ll make it up to you.”

He’s been saying that a lot lately, but you know they’re empty promises.

“Okay.”

“I love you,” he says much softer than his previous tone.

“Love you too,” you say back, but your heart hurts.

Before you met Steve, sleeping alone wasn’t so bad. Some nights you would be on your phone, scrolling through social media till you eventually got sleepy. Other times, you’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about your day and mentally planning the next. Too often you found yourself overthinking about something you did, something you wish you could change. Or you would be anxious about something coming up, running through different scenarios of how it’d go. For some reason, your mind wouldn’t let you succumb to the sleep that your body desperately needed. But you were used to it.

Then Steve came along and he’d be there to ease your mind. On the nights he would stay over, sleep came much easier. There would still be nights where your mind kept you awake, but Steve would be lying right next to you. You’d be on his chest, his hand soothingly rubbing your back as you told him about that meeting you were nervous about or how you got in trouble by your boss for a simple mistake. Steve would assure that everything would be okay and you found it easy to believe him.

He always knew when you needed a distraction from your worries, bringing up mundane things like last night’s baseball game or telling you about the modern music he actually started to like. Sometimes, he’d tell you a story from his life in the 40s. Stories like how his friend Bucky would drag him all over town, trying to find a date for the evening. Or about that time he had to star in an action movie when he just started out as Captain America (which you made a mental note to find later on Youtube). You loved hearing about Steve’s old life, curious about what made him into the man you love today.

Sometimes he’d just entertain your wild thoughts, especially when you’re half asleep. Conversations like how different life would be if dinosaurs never went extinct or if flat earth conspiracists were right. You’d be lying with your back to his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist while you mumbled any thoughts that came to mind. He’d listen till he heard your soft snores and he’d give you a gentle kiss on your head before he’d fall asleep too.

Then there would be nights where words would rarely be spoken. A night of soft moans as he took care of your body in ways only he knew how. He’d whisper praises, drawing out moans from you as he hit all the right spots. It was always different and exciting. You never knew what to expect, but he would always be so loving. You’d always stay close, basking in the afterglow.  

After having the comfort of Steve in the night, the times he’s not there feel a lot lonelier than before.

Like now, you’ve got your eyes closed but you’re not sleeping. Your thoughts seem louder than ever and they’re all about Steve. It probably doesn’t help that you decided to wear one of his tee shirts to bed, the faint smell of him making you miss him even more. After he cancelled on you (again) this past weekend, you started to wonder if he even wanted to see you at all.

You want to be mad at him, but how can you be? He’s Captain America! He has a responsibility that he can’t ignore, not even for his girlfriend. Lately, you can’t help but be worried at how many missions he’s been going on. To make matters worse, you’re left in the dark about all of it. He says it’s safer if you don’t know. You just have to trust him and trust that he needs to go.  

But what if he doesn’t actually need to? What if he wants to go so he doesn’t have to see you. Okay, that’s extreme, but it’s a possibility? It seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to you at all sometimes. You’re always the one texting and calling. It’s never really him unless it’s to let you down (again). Maybe you’re just being needy. Were you asking for too much? Are you overreacting? Probably. But it’s normal to be upset about not seeing your boyfriend for weeks, right?

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. You pick up your phone from the nightstand. The clock reads 3:12am. You unlock your phone and open your messages to see the last few texts Steve sent.

Steve ♡: I’m sorry.

You: just be safe

             —

Steve ♡: I’m back.

You: okay

Your thumb hovers over the call button for a good bit, contemplating if you want to bother him so late at night. Before you can overthink it, you hit the button. You turn to lay on your side with the phone against your ear, anxiously waiting for the ringing to stop.

“Hello,” Steve answers, voice deep and filled with sleep. You feel guilty for waking him up, but at the same time feel relief at the sound of his voice.

“Hi,” you say shyly. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to actually pick up. You were prepared to just leave a voicemail.

“Is something wrong?” he mumbles.

“No, no. There’s nothing wrong… I just…” you can feel the heat rising in your face, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. “I just miss you,” you say quietly, not even sure if he’s heard you.

You can hear the shuffling of sheets.

“I miss you too sweetheart,” he says and it warms your heart for a moment, “and as much as I wanna talk right now, I have to be up in a couple hours for a mission.”

“Oh,” the small smile you had on your face quickly disappears. You had no idea he was leaving again even though he just got back the day before.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay hon?” he says tiredly.

You feel a lump in your throat forming but you push past it, “yeah… yeah, of course.”

“Love you,”

“Love you too,” you practically whisper.

The phone call ends and the tears start to slide down your face. You didn’t have the energy to fight them anymore.

The last call you had with Steve a few days ago left you torn between logic and your emotions. You knew he was just tired, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed between you two. In the past, he never seemed to mind talking to you, even in the odd hours of the morning. You always believed that you guys were so in sync. It seemed like he knew when you needed comfort and would be there to provide it.

You would be able to tell when something was off with Steve and though you would always offer to talk about it, he would brush it off. Thinking back to it, maybe he never really opened up to you for a reason.

You began to question if you are more invested in this relationship than he is. It feels wrong to even think so, considering how sweet and caring he is, especially with you. But everyone has their limits, right? Maybe he’s just gotten tired of you. It’s clear that work is his number one priority right now, maybe he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend anymore. He always makes promises of making it up to you another time, but maybe there will never be another time.

The thought of him leaving completely sends a pang of hurt to your heart.

You: can we talk?

You had sent Steve that text what felt like forever ago, but in reality has only been 20 minutes. You had spent that time repeating in your head what you were going to tell him while you paced back and forth around your living room. You were going to ask for a break. You didn’t want to break up with him completely, no, but you thought that this would be better in the long run. You’re hoping a break will give him the space he needs and then you guys can go back to the way you were. You figured it was better to let him focus on being a hero. You didn’t want to become the clingy girlfriend that he’d eventually resent.

You had no idea how he would react. Maybe he would agree. It’ll be tough, but every couple goes through something like this, right? Sure, it’s a special circumstance with you dating an Avenger, but other people have busy partners. You wonder how they manage a relationship when they don’t see each other so often. Maybe you were giving up too easily? But you’re tired of feeling pushed aside, like you aren’t his priority when he’s at the top of your list. You’re tired of feeling guilty for being upset when he can’t come see you. You’re just tired of feeling like you’re losing him.

Just as you start to doubt your whole plan, your ringtone breaks the silence. You pick up your phone with a shaky hand and tap on the answer button.

“Hello,” you say, hoping he doesn’t notice the nervous tone of your voice.

“Hey honey, you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah…” you reply, already struggling to keep your voice even.

“Is everything alright?” he’s concerned and you can imagine the look on his face.

“Yeah…yeah,” you lie, “I uh… I just wanted to talk… about us.”

“Listen honey, I’m sorry about last week but it was really-“ he begins to apologize, but you shake your head, not wanting to hear another excuse.

“It’s more than that Steve,” you interrupt.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” you hesitate, trying to gather your thoughts. “Do you realize it’s almost been a month since we’ve last seen each other?”

There’s a pause before he answers, “…I didn’t know it had been so long.”

“Do you even care?” you ask, voice giving in to the mix of anger and sadness you feel. The tears begin to well up in your eyes.

“Of course I care, you know I do” he defends.

“Do I though?” you question. The rehearsed words you mentally prepared are long gone. “…I’ve been sitting here thinking of what I’m doing wrong because I feel like something’s changed between us.”

“What are you talking about?” he sounds genuinely confused, “Nothing’s changed.”

“Steve… we don’t talk like we used to, I barely get to see you. I miss you all the time.”

“I know I’ve been working a lot lately,“ he acknowledges.

“And I don’t blame you for that,” you clarify.

“I know how important your job is, but… but I’m feeling a little left out here,” your voice cracks at the end. You wipe the few tears that started to fall down your face. “I mean, I feel like I barely know that part of your life. You’re gone most of the time and you never talk to me about it.”

“I can’t, for your safety. We’ve discussed that.”

“Yeah and I thought I could handle it, but you’re giving me nothing here,” you argue. “I wanna be there for you Steve, but it’s hard when you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I... I can’t. I want to but it’s better if you don’t know,” he says pleadingly. You want to believe him, but you just can’t seem to let this go.

The silence lingers over the phone.

“Maybe we should take a break,” you eventually say with defeat.

“A break?”

“Maybe we just need some time to sort things out. You can focus on your work and when things get better… we can try again.”

“No, no…” he starts to argue, “that’s not fair.”

“Steve, please…” you beg, “just try to see where I’m coming from. I still love you, I always will. I just think we need this.”

He doesn’t say a word, making you anxious.

“Steve-”

You’re cut off by the phone hanging up. You sit in disbelief, letting the weight of the conversation fall on you.

You spent the rest of the night just curled up on the couch. You keep questioning your decision. In your mind, this was the right thing to do, despite the heartbreak you knew you’d be feeling. But you didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does now.

Steve’s reaction made you rethink the idea of a break. You worry that he thinks you don’t love him anymore when it’s the complete opposite. You did this because you love him. You didn’t want to lose him completely, but it looks like you lost him anyways. Maybe, deep down, a part of you was trying to save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.

The living room was dark, the only light coming from the street lights outside. The tears have stopped flowing, but the headache lingers. It’s almost 2 in the morning and despite being worn out from crying, you have trouble sleeping. You’re about to get up for a glass of water when you hear a knock on your door.

Your first reaction is to panic, because you weren’t expecting anyone at such a late hour. You mentally run through the self defense moves Steve insisted on teaching you. Slowly, you approach the door, trying to not make any noise.

Knock knock knock.

“It’s me.”

It’s softly spoken, but you hear him loud and clear. You quickly open the door to reveal Steve with a look of sorrow on his face. You can’t help but stare at him in shock, taking in his disheveled appearance.

“I don’t want a break,” he says hoarsely, breaking you out of your trace.

You all but pounce toward him and wrap your arms around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms tightly around your waist. You bury your face in his neck, inhaling the familiar scent that reminds you of home. Despite everything that happened over the phone, you feel a flood of relief from finally being in his arms.

You stood in his embrace, relishing the feeling of him being there for a good minute before you pulled away. You meet his eyes, noticing the tears surrounding them and it hurts your heart.

“We should talk,” you say, voice rough from the crying just hours ago.

You’re sitting side by side on your couch. You look at him and can’t believe that he drove all the way to your place in the middle of the night. You can see the worry on his face and you want nothing more than to comfort him, but you hold back because you want an explanation first.

“So..” you start off, “you don’t want a break?”

“Y/N, I know I’ve messed up, but please don’t give up on us,” he says with pleading eyes.

“I don’t want to. I thought that’s what you would’ve wanted. I thought…” you shy away from his stare, “maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

Steve looks at you with guilt, realizing for the first time how much he’s hurt you, “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately but I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t want to be with you.”

“Then what's been going on?” you ask, looking back at him, determined to know why it took you asking for a break to get him here.

Steve looks down at his hands, visibly nervous. Why? You have no idea.

“Talk to me Steve,” you encourage him. “Please.”

He turns to look at you, taking a breath before saying “I’ve been looking for Bucky.”

You’re immediately confused. Out of all the things you thought of him saying, this was never one of them.

“Bucky? Bucky Barnes?” you question. You knew of his friend from the stories he would tell you. Bucky was practically a brother to Steve.

“Yes,” he says easily, but it just makes you more confused. The thought of Steve going crazy briefly crosses your mind.

“He’s the Winter Soldier,” he explains. You recognize that name from the news. He was a part of the incident that happened in DC.

“What? H-How would that even be possible?” you question, not really being able to wrap your head around it. From what you knew, Bucky died in war back in the 40s.

“HYDRA was using him. They found him after he fell from the train and they brainwashed him for decades until I was able to snap him out of it when we fought in DC,” Steve continues, “After he saved my life, he disappeared.”

The pain in his voice is evident as he talks about his friend. You scoot closer to him and you take his hand into yours, offering him comfort.

“Sam and I have been following any lead we could to find him,” he explains, “I’ve been doing that along with all the other missions I get sent on. That’s why I’ve been gone so much.”  

It finally makes sense to you.

“Oh Steve,” you say, “I wish you would’ve told me this sooner.”

“I know honey, I should have…” he squeezes your hand, which you reciprocate.

“HYDRA is evil. I’ve seen how cruel they can be,” he continues. “The thought of them coming anywhere near you kills me,” his voice filled with emotion and his eyes gloss over with tears. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of that headspace…”

He looks away from you, head down, “you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

You reach over with your free hand to touch his face. “Steve,” you turn his head to look at you. His blue eyes shine even in the dim lighting. “Please don’t shut me out. I want to know these things. You don’t have to tell me everything, but I just want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Your eyes beg him to understand you. “And I get it now. Bucky is your friend and I know you’ll find him again someday. Just don’t put all that stress on yourself,” your thumb wipes away a stray tear falling down his face. “I want to help you in any way I can. You can always come back to me.”

He subtly nods and looks at you, faces only a breath apart. “I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly, like he’s in disbelief.

He closes the distance, lips finally meeting yours. Your eyes flutter shut, as you continue to cradle his face in your palms. You focus on conveying all your love for him into the kiss. You pull away briefly to move on to his lap as he leans back into the couch. His hands naturally fall on your hips as you get impossibly close.

You break the kiss again, “Promise not to leave me again,” you plead, but your tone is much lighter this time. You never wanted to leave his arms again.

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowing a bit, “I can’t promise that,” you give him a sad smile, already knowing that. His hand leaves your hip to push a stray hair behind your ear, “but I can promise that I will talk to you more and show you how much you mean to me more often. ”

You genuinely smile at that.

“This is important to me,” he says, pulling you closer, emphasizing his words, “you’re important to me.”

“I love you”

“I love you too,”

You lean back in to kiss him again, smiling in between because you’re happy to have your Steve back. And you know things will get better from here. There’s still going to be some tough nights when you miss him and he can’t be there, but you know he’ll be missing you just as much. You won’t have to doubt his love for you again.

You pull away once more, “Remember how you said, you’d make it up to me?” you question with a mischievous look in your eye.

“Yeah,” he says looking at you expectantly.

You simply raise your eyebrows and smirk at him. He catches on and mouths an “oh”.

You’re lifted from the couch so you latch onto Steve’s shoulders, giggling loudly at the sudden movement. He carries you into your bedroom, where he definitely made up for lost time.

You slept much easier that night.

hope you enjoyed reading! 🤍 reblogs and feedback are much appreciated!! let me know if you liked it :) 

[buckyownsmylife]

woman’s world - chris evans smut

The one where Chris pisses you off during a panel, but then finds a way to apologize

Warnings: age gap, famous!reader, oblivious Chris, smut, unprotected sex

Chris’ P.O.V.

The panel had gone well, or as well as it could go when everyone was trying to push the idea of Y/N and I together. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pursue something with her - quite the opposite in fact. I was completely infatuated with the young actress, but the problem was just that: she was young. Too young for me, probably. So it was becoming harder and harder to deal with everyone commenting on how great we would be together when it was already all I could think about, and there was nothing I could do to make it come true without looking like an absolute predator.

Still, there was no denying that my favorite part about this particular press tour had been getting to spend time with her. She was just the perfect company, especially in a situation like this, which frankly could easily become tiresome and irritating. She just had this way of being able to read me and know what I needed, so she’d easily take over when she noticed an interviewer was getting on my nerves or overstepping some boundaries. 

She was quickly becoming my favorite person, but unfortunately, the rest of our cast had noticed as much. And so that meant that for the last day or so, I’d forced myself to pull away from her, deliberately sitting as far away as possible and not even glancing her way whenever there was a camera around. I even managed to have a quick reaction when the panel moderator joked about us being the perfect couple, and I was proud of how my cry of “She’s a kid, for God’s sake!” had made everyone laugh, even my friends who had been keen on insisting I should ask her out. 

So needless to say, I was in a good mood. Such a great mood, in fact, that I’d decided to ask Y/N to come back to my room so we could grab a beer and watch some movies. Asking around for where she had gone, someone pointed in the direction I thought I’d seen her head to, and after a couple of seconds, I managed to see her in the middle of the sea of people. Then it was just a matter of smoothly dodging everyone trying to lure me into pointless conversations and then she was already within ear reach. 

Or so I thought, at least. I tried calling her name countless times, but she didn’t look back once. In fact, she even quickened her step, and soon enough I had to physically run so I could follow her into the elevator that could take us to the floor where we were staying. 

I didn’t think too much of it, considering she probably thought I was someone else and was doing the same as I was: trying to dodge anyone who wanted to make us stay a bit longer on the crowded floor where the convention was taking place. But then we were inside the elevator and she didn’t even turn to look me in the eye. 

More importantly, when I reached out to rub my thumb on her wrist, to signal that I wanted to hold her hand, the response I got was a harsh, “Is this your way of subtly hinting that you want to hold my hand? Because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood for that at all.”

The attitude caught me by surprise in such a way that I was only able to snap out of it once the elevator’s doors opened, but before I could ask what the fuck was going on, she had ran out of it, walking towards her room with determination.

Oh no, she wouldn’t. There was no way I was letting her hide in her room, angry at me, when I didn’t even know what I’d done wrong. I sprung into action, running after her and managing to hold the door just before she was able to slam it in my face.

“What’s going on?” I cried out, pushing my way inside the room as she just stared up at me with hurt eyes and a pout on her lips. “What did I do?” Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms while looking away from me, before I managed to pull her closer by her wrists when I pried her arms open again. “Talk to me, c’mon.”

She glanced at me with furrowed brows, quickly averting her eyes before looking back again with an unamused expression. “You’re really gonna act like you don’t know.” Anxiety coursed through my veins at a scary pace. It was clear that I’d hurt her, but I had no idea how!

“I really don’t know!” I cried out, begging her to answer me, so I could make this better. I couldn’t bear the thought of offending her, of possibly losing her… and her friendship. Since that was all I could get from her, I was gonna fight with everything to keep it. “Please, let me make it up to you.”

For a second, it seemed like she would relent. But when her eyes met mine again, it was clear that whatever she saw on mine reminded her of the reason that she was mad, because just when I started to smile, she caught a second wind, pulling her hands from me and turning her back. 

“I don’t know why you’re so adamant about making me feel better. I thought I was just a kid to you.” And then, suddenly, it made sense. Flashes of what had happened not even an hour earlier played in my head, this time her face being the focus of it all. Perhaps it wasn’t perceptible for everyone else that her smile faltered when I shouted that idiotic thing, but to me it was.

To me it was, and still, back then, I didn’t see it. I chose not to see it, because I was so scared to deal with the truth. Instead, I ended up hurting her. And that was literally the last thing that I wanted. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I immediately offered, raising a hand to scratch the back of my neck. “I just… I didn’t want them to start creating any narratives about us two together, you know? I mean… You know how they can get. And I can’t be… We can’t be... associated… like that.”

I knew I had screwed up even before it became clear that she wouldn’t answer. Despite how cautiously I’d tried to phrase it, it ended up sounding weird even to my own ears. And when she didn’t turn around to look me in the eye again, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt myself deflating, my heart beating desperately against my chest, terrified of losing her simply for being my stupid self.

“C’mon… You know what I mean,” I breathed out, trying to approach her and resting a hand on one of her shoulders, but she simply shook it off. “C’mon, Y/N, don’t be like that.” I made myself flinch with just how poorly I was handling that situation.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t know what to do or say. Don’t be like what? “Like a child?” I asked, my tone icy enough to layer the tension in the room with one more level of awkwardness, and I didn’t need to see Chris to know that he was a mixture of nervous and confused, at the very least.

I knew it because I was, too. I was completely thrown off by my own behaviour, as weirdly as that sounded. I didn’t know why I was so defensive, except that I did. I did know it, I just didn’t want to admit. 

“Well, this child wants to be left alone. I’ll talk to you later, Chris.” And I stormed off into the bathroom, only stopping to take a breath when I was sure the door was locked behind me. I needed to put some distance between myself and him, otherwise I was gonna lose it - even worse than I already did. 

But it was too late to keep on ignoring my feelings. I was forced to deal with the reality of them, at least with myself, since I knew - especially after today - that there was no way I would ever get to reveal to Chris that I’d fallen for him.

To him, I was just a kid, and that’s all I would forever be.

Weirdly, I didn’t feel like crying as I took off my clothes and stepped into the shower, decided to wash away all of the bad feelings that this day had brought me. I just felt… disappointed, like a kid who’s been dreaming about a Christmas present only to find out they’ve been given socks. I’d been hopelessly trying to ignore my feelings for Chris, but at least a small part of me still fed into the ridiculous idea that he could possibly reciprocate those sentiments.

Now that it was obvious it would never be the case, it was like a small part of me had died on that stage.

By the time I got out of the shower, some twenty minutes later, I decided to put on a loose shirt I had kept around from some ex and take a nap until it was time to be social again. Certainly my friends would want to hit the bars or at least grab some dinner, and it would provide me with the perfect occasion to apologize to Chris.

Yes, that was perfect. That would get me a few more hours where I could manage to fabricate some resemblance of control before I had to see him. And then it would all go back to the way it was: me, pretending I don’t have a crush, while he kept seeing me as a kid.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice the massive body hidden beneath the covers in my bed until I went to uncover it so I could slide in.

“What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my bed,” I chastised, but Chris only gave me those annoyingly effective puppy eyes that had me groaning. “No. You don’t get to do this. I’m still mad at you, go to your room and we’ll talk about it later, but for now, just let me wallow in peace.”

But still, he didn’t let up. I tried to climb on the bed, but he was now smack down on the middle of it, still pouting with those perfect full lips of his. 

“Get. out. of. the. Bed.”

“Not until you tell me what I can do for you to forgive me. C’mon, baby girl, just let me make it up to you.” When I didn’t answer, making sure to avoid his eyes, he simply reached out and grabbed me by my hips, forcing me to sit on his lap. “Please?” He quietly begged, one hand cradling my face while the other maintained its grip on my hip. 

The movement had caught me by surprise, and my mouth fell open as I realized that because the shirt had ridden up, I was sat panties glued to Chris’ jeans. And if that wasn’t enough to throw me into a ridiculously horny state, the fact that I could feel just how hard he was certainly did.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Don’t be shy,” he pressed, and my eyes snapped up to meet his, finding a hazy lust that reflected mine and a very, very naugthty smirk that didn’t help my current about-to-get messy situation. “Tell me how I can make it up to you.”

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I took a sharp inhale, thinking about what I was about to say. Could I really do this? Should we even do this? I still wasn’t completely sure about what the hell had happened, but one thing I was certain of, and that was that I really wanted him to, “Kiss me.”

For all the reservation I expected Chris to have about this, he didn’t hesitate a single second before pulling me to meet his lips, and it was everything I thought kissing him would be like. His lips were soft and as patient as he seemed to try to be, there was an undeniable edge of neediness in the way his tongue swiped my bottom lip, begging me for entrance.

“You’re not gonna let me in, honey?” He whispered against my lips, warm breath making me shiver in his arms before I was able to gather my thoughts.

“I don’t think you deserve it.” I shrugged, but by Chris’ teasing smile, I knew I had just given him exactly what he wanted. In a quick move, he had me sprawled on the bed underneath him, while he hovered over me with dark eyes that I never thought I’d get to see outside of my dreams.

“Let me show you why you’re wrong.”

Chris’ P.O.V.

I started by rubbing the outside of her thighs until she opened her legs enough for me to settle in the space between them. I paid close attention to the way her breath hitched even with the softest of touches, incapable of stopping the grin that made its way into my face.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sensitive, baby.” She whined as I lowered myself to replace my fingers with my lips, slowly making out with the delicate skin of her inner thighs. “You see? This is why I was scared to reveal my feelings for you. It’d be so easy to ruin you.”

By the way she bit on her lower lip, I knew I had reached my goal of making her even more bothered with what I had said, and slowly, I ran my hands up her legs and grabbed her hips to pull her further down, closer to my mouth. I ran my tongue over her lower lip, just barely gathering the excess moisture, and despite how clearly affected she was, Y/N managed to grab my hair and whisper, “I think you’re full of it, Evans.” It made me smirk, but before I could even offer a comeback, she just continued, “But even if you’re right… I’d like nothing more than to be ruined by you and only you.”

A sharp inhale later and a competition of stares, I pounced on her, devouring her little pussy like I’d wish to do so many fucking times before. She was sweet, but her moans were even sweeter, and the combination of sounds and taste and smell only served to intoxicate me, make me even more thrilled about finally having this gorgeous woman underneath me.

As her juices dripped from my jaw on the bed, she kept caressing my head, keeping me closely connected to her like I would ever dream of stepping away from this moment. I wanted to stay right here forever, away from people’s judgements and the overwhelming fear that she would think this was a mistake after it was over.

And right here, as my nose brushed her clit as I plunged my tongue as far as it could go inside her hole, she came right before my eyes, her honey dripping onto my tongue as I came up to toy with her clit before at last parting with her taste.

“You’re so fucking sweet,” I pointed out, stealing her lips with mine so I could share her taste with her, so she’d know I was right. “You’re sweet all over. Shit, I really want to fuck you.” My voice became nothing but a whisper, and soon her hands were cradling my face, thumb playing with my bottom lip before I sucked it. It was true. I craved to feel her from the inside, know what it was like to possess her in that way, too.

“Then fulfill both of our wishes. I really want to be fucked by you.”

Godfuckingdamn. This girl was just perfect. I knew right then, I’d made the right choice by deciding to stick around. When she appeared wearing nothing but that shirt, I forgot all of the reasons that were holding me back from simply taking her, and even now, they didn’t seem all that important anymore.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Your wish is my command.” I heard the words and braced myself to finally feel his cock inside of me, but still, the second that its head managed to fit, a long, drawn-out moan revealed just how impossible it was for me to restrain myself as Chris stretched me open around his member.

“Fuck!” Chris shouted, and it surprised me so much that it made my eyes widen as I stared up at him, hands still holding tightly on his muscular shoulders. “Sorry! Sorry.” He repeated as he bottomed out, forehead resting against mine as he seemed to catch his breath. “I just… I imagined your moans, but hearing them is a completely different thing altogether.”

The sentence had butterflies flying in my stomach and the reality of the situation suddenly hit me. I was lying in bed completely naked with a still fully clothed Chris Evans on top of me, and his cock was filling me in ways I’d never been filled before while he kept releasing these breathy little moans that had my heart skipping a beat every damn time my mind registered them.

“Good to know I’m not the only one who has been dreaming about this,” I settled for whispering in his ear before sucking on his earlobe, and a shiver passed through his body, making me giggle.

“Yeah,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me quickly before deciding to do it again. “But I’m even more glad that this is actually happening right now.” What could I add to this? I didn’t think there were any combination of words possible. So I resigned myself to feel it, memorize every single thing about this moment when Chris started to pull out only to push back in again. “Let me take care of you,” he whispered, and in that moment, I’d let him do anything to me, just as long as he kept fucking me like this.

His thrusts felt like waves washing over the shore, bringing the tide of desire higher and higher and I could feel it reaching the point where it all changed, the point where my life would turn upside down because I would know what it felt like to cum around Chris’ cock, and the anticipation was enough to have me writhing on the unmade sheets of the hotel bed.

“Shit,” Chris chuckled, and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me with a soft look on his. “You’re unbelievable, sweetheart.” I could see the desire in his darkened pupils. I was sure it mirrored my own. “So beautiful, and you take my cock so well.”

Hearing him talk dirty was everything I’d always wished for, and I could feel myself getting even wetter around him, whines and whimpers escaping my chest as I held him closer to me.

“Fuck, I really wanna buy you a collar with my name on it. Make sure everyone knows I own you now.” The words, paired with the warmth of his breath had me clenching around him, and I fucking melted when I heard him meanly chuckle at my state - the state that he had caused me. “You want it too, huh?”

I really, really did. I’d never been one for external marks of possession, but something about this, about Chris and I, really had me going crazy for his proposal. Maybe because a part of me thought he would never want to admit this had ever happened. I thought he would try to deny it, and so to hear him wishing to boast about it… It really had me going crazy under him.

“Say it.” His voice cut through the haze, making me realize I was actually about to cum again. It took me a while to understand what it wanted, just enough to have him ordering again, in a tone of voice that made every single part of me tingle, “Say you want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

“I do. I want everyone to know I’m yours and only yours, Christopher.” I don’t know if it was the desperation in my tone, my use of his full name or the fact that I came again, but that finally had him losing the control of his movements, quickly pulling out of me and jerking himself off until his cum was painted all over my stomach.

For a second, it was only our labored breaths in the bedroom, staring at each other like we couldn’t believe this had really happened. “Still think I’m a kid?” I had to laugh, biting my lower lip while trying not to show that I actually was really nervous about his reaction now that we were done. But his eyes softened, a quick kiss deposited on my lips before he cradled me in his arms, cum and all, and answered, “You’ll always be my little girl. I just want to do some very adult stuff to you.”

[chiliiscereal]

Here’s your GIF for the writing challenge!

Prompt: “It’s not safe to be out here by yourself.”

Good luck and thanks for participating!💛

Thanks for letting me do this challenge again @crossbowking !

Pairing: father figure Daryl x reader AGAIN cause I’m a sucker for that lol

Setting: season 2

Type: fluff and angst I guess?

Summary: when looking for Sophia, Daryl finds reader holed up in a cabin. Reader doesn’t speak, doesn’t listen, and doesn’t trust them at all. No one can figure out why but reader sticks with them anyway. One day, Daryl follows reader when they sneak out of camp, hoping to find out what could possibly have happened to make them like that

——————-

Silent world

Sophia’s tracks had begun to fade like the afternoon sunlight. They had gotten faint but Daryl didn’t want to tell Carol the truth. Eventually they disappeared and he was only left with a direction.

He found a set of footsteps the size of Sophia’s about thirty minutes later. It had to be her. Judging by how they weren’t set in one specific direction, whoever it was must be lost.

He followed the footsteps to an old cabin. She had to be in there.

You, however, hadn’t realized you were followed until the door was opened. You felt the thumping of cautious footsteps on the floorboards and immediately jumped into action. You pulled yourself from the floor quickly and hid yourself beneath the dusty bed in the corner, dragging the blankets down to obscure you from their vision. If there was one thing you’d learned in this new world it was that you couldn’t trust people. Strangers, family, doesn’t matter.

“Sophia?” Daryl called out as he peered around the corner cautiously. He glanced about the room, taking in the living conditions.

Old food wrappers...

Empty water bottles...

A few blood stains...

An old backpack that CLEARLY wasn’t Sophia’s...

Whoever had been there it wasn’t Sophia. They’d been there longer than the girl had been lost.

He tightened his grip on his crossbow. “Whoever’s in here better come out now.” He ordered.

The only response was a slight shuffling noise from under the bed. If it had been Shane or Rick they wouldn’t have heard it. But Daryl had been hunting out in the woods since he was a child, trained in hearing the sounds of hiding creatures.

Whoever they were they were alive.

“Gonna hide forever?” He growled, raising the crossbow so it pointing at the bed.

Nothing.

He was absolutely tired of this person acting like their cover hadn’t been blown.

“Get out before I drag ya out myself.” He ordered, stepping closer.

Still nothing.

Finally, he had enough of it. He reached over and pulled the blanket away from the floor. He waited... thinking they’d come out.

No movement at all.

He grabbed the bed by its headboard and shoved it away from the wall, causing a small gasp to come from underneath it.

You were no longer in darkness.

You opened your wide eyes and backed up against the wall, chest heaving with panic.

This man looked dangerous to say the least.

Mean expression.

Weapon out and pointed at her face.

Knife hanging at his belt.

Suspicious blood stains on his shirt.

“You gotta be shittin’ me.” He groaned. “I go out lookin’ fer one kid and then I find a different one?”

You didn’t respond. You just watched him with wide eyes.

“Ya seen another girl ‘round here, kid?” He asked, trying to calm down.

Still nothing. You just pulled your legs closer and tried to press closer into the wall.

“Got a family?” He interrogated with a firmer tone. “A group? Parents? Hell, even a weapon?”

You watched him carefully. Almost too carefully in Daryl’s opinion. Once he’d finished you shook your head, eyes drifting back to the crossbow in his hand.

He hadn’t even realized it was still pointing at her. He lowered it but still kept the weapon in his grip. “The hell am I ‘sposed to do now?” He asked himself out loud. “Don’t need another mouth to feed.”

You didn’t offer any suggestions. All you did was stare.

After a moment he groaned, his morals speaking louder than the selfishness of a survivor. “Damn it. C’mon. Get up.” He waved you to follow after him.

You shook your head, backing away. You didn’t know this man! He could hurt you! Do bad things! No way in hell would you willingly go with him.

He frowned. “Can’t ya talk?”

Nothing.

Just wide eyes.

“Listen, I’m ‘bout to leave yer ass alone in the woods if ya don’t give me a good enough reason why ya can’t.” His temper began to flare. “Got a group, got food, got water, an’ other kids. Seems like a pretty good deal ta me.”

You seemed to react to the word ‘kids’. You sat up a bit and seemed to watch him with interest.

“Yeah. We got another kid at our camp.” He nodded. “It’s safe.” He swore he was about to leave right then when you said nothing.

You looked down at the floor, thinking. Was this a good idea? He could easily be lying. Very easily. He seemed to know exactly what to say. That was dangerous. Very dangerous.

But other kids... safety... and water... that was something you hadn’t seen in a good long while. Might as well give it a try, right? You could always run if things went south. You were good at that.

Needless to say, Daryl was surprised when you pulled yourself off the ground and picked up your bag. You gave him a wary look but followed him anyway.

“So, ya ever talk?” He asked as the two of you walked through the woods.

You didn’t answer. You just surveyed the woods carefully. He could have men out there waiting to jump you and do bad things. Or there could be walkers. You didn’t know.

Your racing thoughts were interrupted by a tap on your shoulder, flinching you out of your state of mind.

“Gonna answer me or what?” Daryl asked, getting more and more frustrated.

You just frowned at him, unsure of what he was saying. He was talking too fast for you to follow along with it.

“I asked if ya ever talk.” He shouldered his crossbow, no hope whatsoever in you answering.

All he got in return was a shrug.

“I’ll take that as a no.” He sighed. Whatever. At least he’d be able to walk to the farm in silence.

—————-

When they arrived everyone was confused on who you were or where you came from.

The people living in the farm house asked you many questions and you could only catch a few words here and there.

Where

Who

Name

Girl

Sophia

Seen

Group

Woods

You just stared at the floor, unsure of how to respond.

“Is there something wrong with her?” Maggie asked quietly. “She’s not answering anything.”

“Been like that since I found ‘er.” Daryl shrugged. “Ain’t sure ‘a her name, family, or if she even got anybody.”

“Where’d you find her?” Lori frowned. “Surely she has parents somewhere out there.”

Daryl wanted nothing more to leave and return to his tent. But he answered anyway. “Was in a cabin. By the looks ‘a it it’s just her.”

“Sweetie, can you tell us your name?” Lori bent down so she could see your face. “Or where your parents are?”

Your eyes didn’t leave the floor.

Lori sighed. “It’s almost as if she can’t hear me.”

“Or don’t want to.” Shane snorted, leaning against the wall. “Kid doesn’t seem too happy to be here. Probably just thinks ignorin’ us is gonna make us mad or some shit.”

“Damn right it’s makin’ me mad.” The hunter watched the kid in front of him. “Can’t tell if it’s on purpose.”

“I’ve heard ‘bout kids shutting down an’ not speak in’ when they’ve been through somethin’ traumatic.” Hershel informed the group. “It could be like what happened to Beth earlier, an’ it’ll just take some time for her to come around.”

That was the answer everyone seemed to settle on.

They gave you time as well as plenty of opportunities to talk to them. They tried asking questions or telling you things but you didn’t respond no matter how hard anyone tried.

Daryl began to suspect what the real case could be when you didn’t even respond when Shane yelled at you.

He’d been trying to hurry up the process by forcing you to talk. When he got no response he finally snapped.

You’d been reading a book Maggie let you borrow, unaware that anyone had been talking. But you caught on quickly when the book had been slapped from your hands.

You gasped and stumbled away, face to face with an angry Shane.

You weren’t close to anyone in the group so you ran to the person who had brought you there, hiding behind Daryl.

Daryl had been surprised. He didn’t think you liked anybody there at all. After all, you never talked to anybody. Never answered any questions. Being there for five days hadn’t changed anything.

“The hell’s yer problem man.” Daryl growled. “Ya always go ‘round tryin’ to scare kids or what?”

“It’s not my damn fault she won’t talk.” Shane yelled. “She’s gonna learn some respect if she wants to stay here.”

“Yellin’ at her won’t get ya any damn respect.” Daryl bit back. “Hershel said it’d take time, didn’t he?” He glanced down at you as you hid your face from the fight.

“It’s takin’ too much in my opinion.” Shane rolled his eyes and turned to walk away.

From that day on you steered clear of Shane and stayed by Daryl’s side. He wasn’t too sure why you’d chosen him out of everyone else and neither were you. But it seemed to be the right choice. The man never forced you to talk. He never yelled at you when you didn’t react.

It seemed like he simply enjoyed peace and quiet.

You helped around the farm house by washing dishes and feeding chickens. You helped Maggie and Lori make dinner and always helped them clean up after.

You picked flowers for Lori.

You showed Carl how to climb a tree.

You played cards with Glenn.

If Daryl didn’t know better he’d say that you were enjoying your stay at the farm.

But you still weren’t talking.

You interacted with everyone, yeah, but you still never spoke.

Not even when the farm fell.

—————

You and everyone had spent almost a month out in the woods once the farm was gone. You bounced from house to house and never stayed in one spot longer than needed.

One house you stayed at, you found a pair of small batteries. Even wire and tweezers. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to give you hope.

So that night you snuck out to the back yard once you were sure everyone was asleep.

But everyone wasn’t.

Daryl wasn’t.

He’d noticed the moment you disappeared.

He’d gotten up and walked outside, crossbow in hand. Maybe you’d ran away. Or got taken. Maybe you went outside and gotten lost.

But he found you leaning against a tree instead.

“It’s not safe to be out here by yourself.” Daryl stated, even though he knew you wouldn’t respond.

You did however react to feeling his footsteps vibrating the ground. Quickly, you stuffed whatever had been in your hands into your pockets and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Damn, kid, I ain’t gonna bite.” He held up his hands in surrender. “The hell ya doin out here?”

As always, you didn’t say anything. You looked back at the forest floor almost guiltily.

“Somethin’ wrong?” He frowned.

You knew you should tell him. He’d proven himself trustworthy after all. You just... you were scared you were wrong. That he’d be just like every other adult I. Your life.

“What’d ya have in yer hand before?” He tried, gesturing to whatever you’d stuffed in your pocket.

You tore your gaze away from him and reached down to pull out an object wrapped in cloth.

Daryl sat down beside you. “Can I see it?”

You held it a bit closer, brain still thinking in circles.

“I ain’t gonna break it or nothin’ if that’s what yer worried about.” He rolled his eyes.

Finally your mind was made. You set it down in his hands and waiting for his reaction.

Carefully, aware that you were watching his every movement, he unwrapped whatever it was.

He didn’t know what it was at first. It was almost as long as his smallest finger and was colored silver and tan. He realized what it was when he finally turned it over.

“Hearin’ aids?” He asked, turning to you.

You took a deep breath and nodded. “D-deaf.” You spoke, nerves at how he’d react making you stutter.

He jerked back a bit in surprise. “Ya been deaf this entire time?”

Another nervous nod.

“Damn, that’s impressive.” He gave you a sort of half grin. “How’d no one catch on? An’ why didn’t ya tell nobody?”

You reached into your pocket and pulled out a notebook, scribbling on a couple sentences. You showed him once you were done.

‘Lip reading. And I didn’t trust you.’

“But why didn’t ya talk like ya did now?” He frowned. “I wouldn’t ‘a known the difference.”

You wrote down more, hesitantly.

‘I’ve been told I sound stupid when I talk. So I don’t.’

You fiddled with your shoelace as he read.

“Who the hell told ya that?” He practically growled. “And why don’t ya know any ‘a that sign language?”

You took the notebook back and wrote down a few more sentences.

“And why don’t ya use the hearin’ aids?” He added.

You turned the book back to face him, only one word written.

‘Dad’

You felt ashamed to be admitting this. This wasn’t anything he needed to know. He would probably react the same way your dad reacted when he was given the opportunity.

“Hell no yer gonna explain more than that.” Daryl pushed the book back into your arms. “Can’t just half ass an answer.”

You sighed and began again.

‘He thought being deaf was a weakness. No sign language, no hearing aids, and no talking the moment my mom turned. He broke them when I broke the rules.’

You swallowed the emotions rising back up in the back of your throat.

He was a horrible man.

It was sickening, but you were almost glad that he was gone.

Daryl’s expression darkened when he read those words. “Sounds like an ass to me.” He handed the notebook back to you again. “So you tryin’ ya fix ‘em?”

You nodded and pulled out the batteries and wire, shrugging.

Daryl sighed. “Sorry, but that won’t be enough to fix these.” He examined the hearing aids once more. The wires were pulled apart and some of the plastic had snapped.

“... I know.” You managed to speak again, summoning your bravery. “Just wanted to try.”

Daryl’s expression didn’t change when you spoke. Maybe your dad was wrong. Maybe you didn’t sound as stupid as he told you you did.

Daryl handed the hearing aids back to you gently. “M’sorry kid.”

You shrugged again, placing them back in your pocket carefully.

Suddenly, Daryl had an idea. I’d require a run for sure but it’d be worth it. For now, he’d keep quiet about it. He didn’t even know if it’d work. But he might as well try.

——-

For the next few weeks on the road Daryl was on every run. You were curious about why but you dismissed it as him trying to make sure everyone would survive the coming winter.

By now, everyone knew you were deaf. They all reacted as Daryl had and treated you the same as they always did.

It was relieving to be honest. And a bit of a surprise. But the bigger surprise came later when Daryl told you he wanted to show everyone something in the woods.

You’d followed along, assuming he’d found more supplies.

Instead of revealing more supplies, he knelt down so he was at your level.

“I know it’s been hard without yer hearin’...” he started, reaching into his back pocket, “an’ I hope ya don’t mind I did this without askin’...” he pulled out an object wrapped in a familiar cloth.

You realized what was happening the moment you saw it.

“I gave it my best shot.” He pulled away the fabric and revealed the newly repaired hearing aids. “Found a book an’ some supplies on the last run.”

You hadn’t even realized tears were running down your face until they dropped onto your shirt.

Daryl reaches over and placed the hearing aids in your hands. “Give ‘em a try?”

You glanced at the faces of your new group. They must have known. Not a single one of them looked surprised. Just expectant and...happy. Happy for you.

Slowly, you tucked your hair out of your way. You set the small machine in place. You placed your hand over the on button tentatively.

The Hunter you’d grown attached to gave you a nod.

Finally, you pressed the button.

You waited and held your breath.

It was as if everything came crashing in at once.

The wind that rushed through the trees was giving out hollow rattling noises.

The birds above were chirping shrilly, each whistle harmoniously fitting together like a puzzle.

And you... you could hear yourself gasping in surprise as you spun in circles. You could hear the leaves crunching beneath your feet. Did that always happen?

“I’ll take it that it works?” Your thought were interrupted by a raspy southern accent.

You spun around, facing Daryl once more.

He stood back up, tip of his mouth tipped up in a half smile.

You couldn’t speak.

You couldn’t even thank him with your words.

So you thanked him the only way you knew how: with actions.

You wasted no time in running in his direction, more tearing spilling down your face as you wrapped your arms around the surprised man.

He returned the gesture after a moment of hesitation. “Wasn’t no problem.”

You buried you face in his shoulder, overcome with emotion. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you!”

He rubbed your back comfortingly. “Was nothin’.”

You shook you head and hugged him harder. “No, it was everything.”

[haileyofmischief]

I Just Want To Help - Part 1

Pairing: Loki X Reader

Warnings: Angst. But I promise part 2 will be much longer and it will have a happy ending.

Summary: Y/N and Loki have always been inseperable. She was always there for him when he was sad or angry because of others and she never put anyone above him. When Loki was frustrated after learning about his true heritage, he let the anger get the best of him and yelled at her, breaking her heart. How is he going to make it right?

Requested by: @scorpionchild81 💚

Read part 2 here

------

Loki and you have always been unseperable. Like saying you were best friends would be an understatement. So when he started acting cold all of a sudden, needless to say, it came as a shock to you. It all started before Thor's coronation. Loki looked more mischievous than usual. He was smug and seemed as if he was expecting something to happen at any moment. Of course, the others didn't realize that. Maybe because they were too excited for their new king or maybe they weren't paying any attention to Loki. Probably both, you thought.

Right before Odin was about to declare Thor the new king of Asgard, the frost giants invaded the palace and it was all chaos. Odin and his two sons went to the vault and after they came out of there, Thor looked furious. While his friends were trying to calm him down, you sat with Loki on the stairs trying to figure out what was happening. He wouldn't tell you. All you understood was that Thor wanted revenge and his father would not let that happen. While Loki was trying reason with him, telling him that going to Jotunheim behind his father's back was madness, you also realized that he manipulated him into thinking that it was the right thing to do.

Now, Loki manipulating others was nothing new to you but this was too much.

So you went up to him and touched his arm, saying:

"Loki, please stop this right now. If your father finds out about this, and he will, all of you will be in great trouble. Especially Thor." He shook his head, "You know how Thor is, when he is determined to do something, there is no stopping him."

You whisper yelled, scared that Thor will hear you. "But you can change his mind! There is no way you guys can defeat the Jotuns all by yourself. You're gonna get yourselves killed!" Loki sighed and held your hand. "Alright, I'll try to stop him and if it doesn't work, I want you to tell my father where we went after we leave. Okay?" You nodded your head and kept on waiting.

An hour passed and Thor was still trying to convince his friends to go with him, and they finally agreed. While they were leaving, Loki was looking at you intensely; after getting on his horse, he winked at you and turned to go with the others. You started running towards the throne room, everyone was looking at you but you didn't care. All you could think was Loki could be in danger. When you got to the door, two guards blocked your way. You spoke, still out of breath, "Please, I have to talk to the king!" One of them spoke up, "The king is busy right now, my lady." You sighed and gave him the puppy eyes. "It's about his sons! It's an emergency! Please..."

He thought about what you said for a moment then they got out of your way. You pushed open the doors. Odin and a man who was most likely a peasant turned their heads to you. Odin looked angry. "What do you think you're doing here, child?! Don't you see I am busy?"

"My king, it's about your sons and the warriors three. They've gone to Jotunheim. Thor persuaded them to get revenge. They might be in danger!" He immediately got up and yelled at the guards. "Prepare my horse immediately! We're going after them." You were not sure if he was worried about his children or just furious because his beloved favorite son did not take his words seriously but it didn't matter. They left and all you could do was wait.

When they came back, Thor was nowhere to be found and Loki looked paler than usual. You tried to talk to him but he was cold and brushed you off saying that he was too exhausted to explain anything. While that hurt your feelings a little bit, you also understood. No one would tell you what happened to Thor, the warriors three didn't like you anyway, and Loki had gone to the vault and stayed there for hours. So you decided to go to his room and wait for him to come back.

You were pacing around his room impatiently when the door opened and a furious looking Loki came inside. He slammed the door and looked at you. There were tears in his eyes. "What are you doing here?" He sounded angry. You looked at him shocked, you have never seen Loki cry before. "I- I just wanted to talk... Loki, are you okay?" You tried to touch his arm but he backed away. "Don't touch me."

You looked at him in the eyes. "Loki, whatever it is, you can talk to me about it. I just want to help-"

He cut you off angrily, "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I DON'T NEED ANY OF YOU! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF PATHETIC CHILD? I DIDN'T ASK ANYONE TO DO ANYTING FOR ME!"

You were shocked and hurt. He had never raised his voice at you before and he knew you hated when people yelled at you. Your eyes teared up and you just looked at him sadly. "I didn't say you were pathetic. I just wanted to help you as a friend." He already regretted yelling at you but was too subborn to admit it. "Well, I don't want your help, Y/N." You turned around and left without saying anything. He sat down in front of his bed and started crying. He was all alone, heartbroken and hopeless.

-----

A/N: Thank you for reading guys! I'm really tired today so I decided to write 2 parts instead of just waiting until tomorrow. Part 2 will come very soon. I hope you enjoyed it. Please send more requests guys! 💚🖤

[babymetaldoll]

Spencer Reid first official Valentine's day (Spencer Reid/ Reader)

Requested: Nop

Summary: Spencer has no idea what to do for Valentine's Day. After all, he has never had a girlfriend before.

Category: Hardcore fluff

Warnings: Nope

Word count: 3,8K

Masterlist

A/N: Happy Valentine's day, everybody! Treat yourselves! Love yourselves and enjoy this fluff!! Love you all!!

February 7th. Quantico.

There are many things you can say about Spencer Reid. He is a genius. Has an IQ of 187, can read over 20 thousand words per minute. He has one of the most demanding and dangerous jobs in the world. He saves lives for a living.

And he has no idea what to do for Valentine's.

In his defense, he has never celebrated Valentine's day before, ever. In his entire life. And he is excited to share that special date with his girlfriend, (Y/N). But he has been pressuring himself so much in the last days, trying to find the most romantic plan humankind had ever seen. He is, in fact, going insane.

- "Hey lover boy,"- Morgan found Reid all alone in the bullpen, sipping his second cup of coffee of the day.

- "Are you ready for Valentine's?"- and the only answer Spencer could give his friend was a frustrated groan.

- "I'm taking that as a no"- Derek raised an eyebrow and sat on his friend's desk- "What is it?"

- "I just don't know what to do to make that day special for (Y/N),"- Spencer whispered- "We've been dating for a month, three days and..."- he took a look at his wristwatch- "Eleven hours. And I want our first Valentine's day together the most romantic day of her life."

Morgan widened his eyes and looked at his friend. He had always seen Reid as his kid brother, and he felt it was his duty to help him in life. Whether it was to help him overcome his fear of talking to girls, catching unsubs, questioning suspects, or getting drunk. Whatever Spencer needed him for, he was there. This wasn't going to be the exception.

- "What do you have in mind that might be special for her?"- Morgan whispered and took a look around. Prentiss and (Y/N) were just stepping out of the elevator with Garcia. The three of them stayed talking in the hall for a few minutes, giving Spencer time to answer.

- "Nothing I can think of seems good enough"- he whispered- "I need to find something that shows her how much she means. Movies and chocolates just won't do it."

Morgan nodded and looked at Reid. He was about to chuckle and tease him a little, just playing, when (Y/N) showed up next to them, with a huge grin.

- "Good morning, guys!"- she smiled at Derek and handed Spencer a small paper bag- "For your coffee, doctor."

- "Thank you."

Reid blushed and opened the bag. Inside there was a red velvet cupcake with little heart-shaped sprinkles on top. He stared at it, not knowing what to say. (Y/N) just giggled and walked to her desk.

Spencer and (Y/N) had been acting like teenagers since they started dating. It wasn't just the fact they were young, 'cos they were, both of them 27 and 25 years old respectively. It was how the two of them had been crazy in love with each other for the last two years, and neither of them had acted on it until Spencer nearly died of anthrax.

It's crazy how one of them had almost to die to realize it was time to face their feelings.

And now, they were finally dating.

Spencer had never been happier. No one who knew him could deny it. He would laugh all the time and make jokes with his friends. He never stayed at the BAU working extra hours anymore, 'cos now he and (Y/N) had a date almost every day when they weren't on a case.

Spencer had never felt this way. He had never thought he deserved to be this happy. That is why he was having such a hard time finding the perfect Valentine's gift for (Y/N).

He didn't just want to. His whole body felt he needed to show (Y/N) how much she meant for him in every way possible.

But he had never had a girlfriend before, and he had never celebrated Valentine's day. Needless to say, he felt he was clueless.

February 12th.

- "Hey, Pretty Ricky"- Morgan sat with Reid on the jet back home after a case and handed him a handwritten paper.

- "What's this?"- Spencer furrowed his eyes and took a look around. (Y/N) had fallen asleep talking with Prentiss at the other side of the jet.

- "I've been thinking about what we talked about the other day, about Valentine's day. And I think I've got the answer."- Reid took a look at the paper and frowned. An address and an hour.

- "Be there tomorrow at that time, and you'll get all the help you need"- Spencer stared at Morgan, confused.

- "At Rossi's? Why?"

- "Trust me, kid. The man is an institution of romance. If there's someone who can help you surprise (Y/N), that's him".

Reid wasn't comfortable thinking Morgan had been talking about this love life with someone else. Then again, he was pretty excited he had a love life after all those years. And, if Rossi could help him, Spencer couldn't really say no. After all, he needed all the help he could use.

- "Are you ok?"- (Y/N) asked Spencer and cut him a short nervous smile as she drove him to his apartment after landing. He had been acting a little off for the last couple of days, and she still couldn't figure out what was going on.

- "Yes. Just tired"- he answered, almost under breath.

- "Do you wanna hang out? Maybe pizza, beer... any movie or documentary you might like to see?- but Spencer just shook his head and kept looking outside.

- "I'm sorry, I'm tired after the case."

- "Sure, that's ok."- (Y/N) sighed and kept her eyes on the road.

- "I'm"- Spencer tried to explain- "I am really just tired, there's nothing wrong or weird going on."

- "Yeah, of course"- (Y/N) smiled again and continued driving- "You'd tell me if there was anything wrong."

- "Yeah! definitely."

As a profiler, (Y/N) knew Spencer was hiding something. As his girlfriend, she had to pretend she didn't know she was lying. She trusted Reid, so she wanted to think he was honestly affected after the case. They hadn't slept well those days, either of them. It had been a hard couple of days. Maybe Spencer just needed to rest. Perhaps in the morning, he was going to be his regular adorable self again.

- "Call me when you get home, ok?"- Spencer leaned in and kissed (Y/N) lips goodbye as soon as she parked outside his building. (Y/N) nodded and kissed him again. His hands cupped her face in a second, holding her close to him for a moment longer.

- "Are you sure you don't wanna eat something?"- (Y/N) murmured against his lips.

- "Yeah... about that... I don't know if it's too obvious or if I have to ask, but... would you like to go out with me on Valentine's day?"

Spencer was nervous to ask his girl out. He couldn't be more adorable even if he tried. And (Y/N) knew it.

- "I already had plans for that day"- (Y/N) shrugged and shook her head

- "Really? What? Why, I mean, I understand...?"- Spencer wasn't even sure what he was saying. He wasn't waiting for that answer.

- "Yeah, I saved the date over a month ago, to spend it with my boyfriend, Reid"- and she stuck out her tongue to him, giggling- "You should've seen your face. Are you ok?"

- "I hate you"- Reid bit his lips and chuckled

- "No, you don't,"- (Y/N) joked and kissed his lips for a second- "So, see you tomorrow?"

- "Yes"- Spencer kissed her one more time, and this time, he bit her lips as he slowly moved apart.

- "So next date is our Valentine's date?"- she pouted- "No cuddles until then?"- and Spencer shook his head- "You are no fun."

- "You are gonna have to wait"- he kissed her again, this time a little slower, feeling how she kept trying to move closer to him from the driver's seat.

- "I don't wanna wait."

- "It will be worth the wait. I promise"- Spencer looked at her with such love, (Y/N) held her breath, unable to talk. She just nodded- "Call me when you get home, ok?"

- "Yes"- Spencer kissed her one last time and got off the car, whispering to himself.

- "Ok, now I really need a good plan."

Remember Spencer had been pressuring himself, trying to find the most romantic plan humankind had ever seen?

Now the pressure was massive, 'cos he had actually told (Y/N) he had an incredible plan.

- "Why did I have to open my mouth?!"

February 13th. At Rossi's.

- "Kid, here is the best advice you've ever heard for love"- Rossi poured a glass of red wine for himself and Spencer as the two of them stood in his kitchen. David was about to start a cooking lesson, and Reid was prepared to take notes. Literally. He was holding a pen and a notebook.

- "You will always know nothing"- Reid stopped writing after the second word and looked at Rossi, already annoyed.

- "What?"

- "Sorry, kid. I know you love to learn, and that's a good thing 'cos you will always learn something new when it comes to love. You will never fully understand it. Look at me, three marriages in, and I still have no idea what I'm doing."

- "I was promised a talk with a master of romance. I feel disappointed."- Spencer complained, and David chuckled- "No offense, Rossi, but I was sure you were going to know a lot more than you are telling me right now."

- "The things I know, I can not teach you. You don't learn things about love. You learn about the people you love. That's why you will never know it all. Sure. I can tell you the basics: flowers, restaurants, presents. But the key for romance is knowing the woman you love."

Reid just nodded in silence and tried to make a mental list of everything he knew about (Y/N). That was a lot of information.

Rossi smiled, thinking when he returned to the BAU, he never imagined he was ever going to end up having a kid. Because that's how he felt about Spencer sometimes. Like he was his kid, and he loved to teach him things he wished someone had told him. For example, how to surprise your girlfriend on Valentine's day.

- "The second most important advice I am going to give you today is this: you always cook with the same wine you drink"- Rossi raised his glass and sipped it- "Perfecto! Now let's make risotto!

After that evening with Rossi, Spencer felt a lot more confident about his Valentine's plans. He would cook dinner for his girlfriend, which was (according to what he had talked with David) one of the most romantic things anyone could do for their partner. And considering (Y/N) had always cooked for Spencer, even when they were just friends, he wanted to make her feel as loved as he felt each time she cooked his favorite dish for him.

But also, after cooking and having dinner with Rossi, Spencer was feeling a little drunk. That wine tasting had been a little.... excessive, maybe? Four bottles of wine didn't seem disproportionate at the moment, but Spencer realized it might have been too much on the cab back home.

- "Hello, gorgeous"- because suddenly, Spencer was doing his first drunk dial- "What are you doing up so late?"

- "Spencer, are you ok? It's two in the morning. Where are you?"

- "I'm on my way back home, and I was thinking about you and all the fun we are going to have tomorrow. But tomorrow is now"

(Y/N) sat on her bed and scratched her head confused, and still half asleep.

- "What are you talking about, honey?"

- "Tomorrow is Valentine's day, but tomorrow is right now!"

- "Spencer Walter Reid, are you drunk?"

- "No! no way! Why are you middle naming me for?"- his voice was a pitch higher as he tried to deny the truth.

- "Where were you?"

- "At Rossi's"- Reid couldn't lie. Not only because he was drunk and there was no way he could come up with any weird story, but also because he couldn't lie to (Y/N).

- "We had a wine tasting and a long conversation about what went south with each one of his relationships. Statistically, that man should be studied. I wanted to offer myself to do a little research until I remembered you said sometimes people don't share their feelings to be analyzed, but because they need to take them off their chest. So I just nodded and told him he is an amazing person. Which he is! Did you know he is friends with Ringo Star?

- "No way!"- (Y/N) tried not to laugh, but drunk Spencer was too amusing- "What else did you talk about?"

- "You"- Spencer confessed and sighed- "We talked about you, and how wonderful you are"

(Y/N) nearly choked when she heard Spencer saying those words so easily. Like it wasn't something it had taken years for him to confess. Like she hadn't waited years for him to tell her how he felt for her.

- "Are you in a cab?"- she asked and changed the subject.

- "No, I just got off the cab... hold it"- Spencer thanked the driver and paid for the ride- "And I am about to walk into my building."

- "Good! so, tomorrow, what's the plan?"

- "Dinner"- Spencer chuckled- "Here, with me."

- "Are you going to cook for me, Spencer Reid?"

- "I don't know. Maybe I'll cover myself in Nutella and give myself to you for dessert."

(Y/N) didn't know what to answer at that. Not only Spencer had never said anything as bold as that, but... they hadn't even had sex yet. And now (Y/N) couldn't stop thinking about licking Nutella off Spencer's body. Hopefully, that was indeed their Valentine's plan.

- "You should go to bed"- that was all (Y/N) could answer- "And I'll see you tomorrow... at what time?"

- "Six, princess. I'll be waiting for you at six"- Princess. That was new too.

- "Ok, honey. Drink lots of water when you get home."

- "I'm home!"- Spencer announced, and (Y/N) heard his keys falling on what she hoped was a table.

- "Great, now drink water, brush your teeth and sleep well. Ok, honey?"

- "Yes, sunshine!"- (Y/N) giggled and shook her head.

- "Goodnight, Spencer. I'll see you tomorrow."

- "At six, bub"- he repeated.

- "Yes. I'll be there at six. Goodnight"

- "Sleep tight, love of my life"- (Y/N) giggled and sighed. She really didn't know how to answer those words. (Y/N) knew Spencer was drunk, which was the only explanation for his cheesy nicknames... cheesy nicknames she loved.

- "Sleep tight, my sweet prince,"- she whispered and hung down the phone.

That had been interesting. Now, how was (Y/N) going to shake off the image of Spencer covered in Nutella, asking her to lick him?

Seriously, how?

February 14th

Spencer Reid was slightly hungover, and the conversation he had had with (Y/N) on the phone the night before was a blur in his mind.

None of that stopped him from getting up early to clean the house and going to the grocery store to get everything he needed to cook dinner for his girlfriend.

But not only that, but he also sent her flowers to her house early morning and breakfast from her favorite coffee shop.

Reid had never had a girlfriend for Valentine's day, and he finally had someone to share everything he always dreamt of doing on February 14th.

Spencer Reid was a hopeless romantic. No one could ever doubt that. No one actually knew that either. It was a well-kept secret between him and (Y/N).

- "Thank you for the flowers"- (Y/N) texted and stared at the gigantic bouquet on her table- "And breakfast."

- "Dinner is going to be way better,"- Spencer answered and smiled, pleased with his romantic techniques. Rossi would be proud. He took a mental note to write Rossi a thank you note if things went well that night.

Of course, things were going to be ok. Why wouldn't they? All Spencer had to do was keep calm, cook, and have a great time with his girlfriend.

Around four, Spencer started getting ready. First, he set the table for two, in the most romantic way he could, after googling "romantic table setting for two at home." The fact he had actually googled something would have been enough for (Y/N) to feel the most special woman on earth for Spencer. But she wasn't going to find out about that yet.

Spencer cooked dessert and made sure the champagne was cold. Then, he set some appetizers: Strawberries covered in chocolate to help the brain produce serotonin. And watermelon and prosciutto skewers. Spencer knew watermelon contains citrulline, which increases nitric oxide levels in the body, relaxing blood vessels and speeding up circulation to produce arousal. Basically, he was making sure blood was getting to all the right places, just in case.

After that, Reid took a long shower. He wasn't waiting to get laid that night. But a part of him needed to be prepared. He was getting his house ready for romance, after all.

Once he was dressed, combed (sort of), and ready, Reid started cooking. First, he chopped all the veggies, settled everything he would need, and read (again) the notes he had taken from Rossi's cooking class.

- "First, heat the extra virgin olive oil in a medium heavy-based saucepan."- he commanded himself.

- "Add the onion and celery and sweat until softened"- he did as told and steered the veggies in the pan

- "Why would they call it "sweat"? Are the vegetables actually sweating? who would come up with that concept?"

Spencer kept rambling for a few minutes until he noticed his pan looked exactly like Rossi's had. Reid was pleased.

- "Stir in the rice with a wooden spoon and coat each grain with the oil. Then, add the wine and allow it to evaporate."

The wine. Why did he drink so much wine the night before? It was a miracle he didn't do anything stupid, like dialing (Y/N)'s number just to call her "princess..."

- "Fuck!!"- Reid nearly yelled.

It was all Rossi's fault. What was that stupid thing he said? "Wine prepares the heart for love." Well, clearly, after all the wine they drank the night before, Spencer had been ready for love. So prepared, in fact, he had called (Y/N) "Love of my life," "Bub," and "Princess."

That shouldn't be so embarrassing, considering they were already dating, right? Right.

- "She is your girlfriend! You can call her cute names!"- he repeated himself- "Get your shit together, Reid!"

Yes. He had already called her "gorgeous" a few times before. For Christ's sakes, he had kissed her, and he had touched her (a little, and just upon her clothes). But there was no way he could or should be embarrassed to call her cute names!

Spencer was embarrassed anyway, and he couldn't shake the thought off his mind for the next half hour. Not until he heard a knock on the door.

(Y/N) was there.

It was on. Spencer's first official Valentine's celebration was about to start. And there was no way he felt ready for it.

- "Hello!"- (Y/N) said and smiled when her boyfriend opened the door for her.

- "Hi"- he whispered and held his breath for a few seconds- "You look so pretty."

- "Thank you... so do you"- and neither of them was moving. They just stared and smiled until (Y/N) asked.

- "Can I come in?"

- "Sorry!"

Spencer mentally slapped himself and invited (Y/N) in as she giggled and took off her coat. She was wearing the most flattering velvet dress. According to Reid, she looked so good, he forgot how to breathe for a second.

- "Are you ok?"- (Y/N) asked him, and he just nodded- "What are you cooking? it smells amazing."

- "It's a surprise,"- Reid answered flirtatiously and held (Y/N)'s hand- "Can I get you something to drink?"

- "Yes, please,"- she answered and bit her lips for a moment, staring at the man in front of her. Spencer caressed her cheek softly for a moment before leaning in and kissing her sweetly.

- "Happy Valentine's day, Spencer,"- she murmured

- "Happy Valentine's day, (Y/N),"- he answered, resting his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, enjoying that moment of love. Reid wasn't used to feeling like that too often, and he decided to hold it.

Dinner was a success. (Y/N) was in awe with everything Spencer had prepared for her. It wasn't just the fact dinner was delicious, but also the cooking class with Rossi and how thoughtful he had been with everything he had done for her.

That man deserved the best Valentine's ever, and the present and card she had gotten for him didn't feel like enough.

- "I hope you don't mind, but I got dessert,"- (Y/N) said and giggled, staring at her boyfriend, who was just walking to the dining room holding two cups of tiramisu.

- "What? Why? you didn't need to bring anything, I just..."

- "Well, after last night's call, I couldn't stop thinking about this...."

(Y/N) opened her purse, took out a big Nutella jar, and placed it on Spencer's table. He stared at it, not getting what it meant for a moment.

- "Why are you...."- until it hit him- "Oh... ooh!!"- and Spencer's cheeks were burning red in less than a second.

- "I didn't know if you meant it, but it sounded like a good dessert"- (Y/N) smiled and poked out her tongue as she finished talking.

- "I actually..."- Spencer's brain shut down for a few seconds as he realized what he had actually imagined doing with (Y/N) might even be real that night.

- "I like your idea way better than the tiramisu"- that was all he managed to say and looked at (Y/N) standing up, walking towards him slowly. She dipped her finger in the Nutella and spread a little on his lips, to then lick it, very gently.

- "Technically, it was your idea. You suggested it. I just brought the Nutella"- she whispered and looked at Spencer, who was utterly paralyzed.

Reid needed a few seconds to gather his thoughts again, but it was totally worthy when he did.

He held (Y/N) close and deepened the kiss, feeling her moan against his lips.

- "You don't mind the germs that might..."- but she was cut off immediately by Spencer's rushed words.

- "I give a shit about all the germs in the world right now."- and all (Y/N) could do was giggle, staring into his eyes.

- "Happy Valentine's Reid."

*****

Taglist

@all-tings-diego​  @calm-and-doctor​

[stubbornjerk]

Why people keep telling you to block them if you support Pholo (Penumbra Edition)

Or: why jitterbug-juno really deactivated

I love when people categorize this as fandom wank. Really makes you feel like you’re putting the onus on either side of the conversation.

I’m making this post not because I want to stir up spoiled milk, but because I want it out there that this wasn’t a purity culture war.

The TL;DR version of this is that fans of color tried to tell Rab (prev. jitterbug-juno) not to post her Omegaverse (or A/B/O) fic. And instead of taking the L, she posted it on Ao3 and deactivated.

But, if you want context, well, buckle in. CW for mentions of racism and transphobia.

What did jitterbug-juno do?

Before I get into this I do want it out there that I will not be linking Rab’s fic, but I will show you this screenshot of the summary of it.

[ID: It is a screenshot of a fic, “As You Are” by Pholo.

Summary: Peter can hide his scent glands behind cologne; makeup; concealer pads. He can quash his heats with suppressants. He can divert the urge to nest and fawn.

But he can’t feign another gender’s subvocals. He lacks the anatomical capacity. Mag taught him to distract from his silence with fast, flashy words. For longer heists he relies on social convention. Traumatic mutism is uncommon, but remarked upon by enough war vets and soap operas to be widely recognized. Peter’s marks assume he’s been harmed long before they assume he’s a closeted omega. It would take quite the backwater brute to ask why he doesn’t murmur or chuff or growl.

On the 'Blanche there are the usual furtive glances. Juno makes clear to Peter that should he ever want “to talk about what happened,” he’ll be there to listen. The gesture annoys Peter more than comforts him.

‘Nothing happened,’ he wants to scream. ‘There’s nothing to talk about!’

There are 14 comments, 85 kudos, and 11 bookmarks /end]

You decide what you’re doing with that information, but honestly, I’d rather you don’t give it anymore engagement than it deserves.

There was a period earlier this June (yes, even though it’s only the 10th, at time of writing) when Rab was posting snippets of the aforementioned fic on her blog and tagging it appropriately, putting it in the attention of pretty much the entire Penumbra fandom.

What’s Omegaverse or a/b/o and why is everyone so against Rab for it

If you know what Omegaverse is, I don’t have to tell you why it’s controversial. If you don’t know what Omegaverse is, well, Fanlore said it best:

a kink trope wherein some or all people have defined biological roles based on a hierarchical system, with the terms originating from animal behaviour research. There may be werewolf, knotting, or other animalistic elements involved, or the characters may be otherwise purely human.

The term is generally written with slashes (a/b/o). Many fans, particularly ones from Australia and New Zealand, are uncomfortable seeing the term without slashes because it is also an Australian slur for aboriginal people.

I won’t get into the history or the heaps and tons of other discourses (mostly about fictional male pregnancy, homophobia, transphobia, sexual assault, etc.)  that go on within that. We’re here specifically on Rab v. Penumbra fans of color and we’re staying there.

Anyone who’s been in Penumbra enough to realize that everyone draws the Junoverse characters in a certain way knows that a) Juno is black, b) Nureyev is Asian, and c) as a fan you have to be aware of what you’re subjecting or saying about either of them because of the political repercussions that come with it.

And despite that, Rab proceeded to write Peter Nureyev, a gender nonconforming gay Asian male character that is widely headcanon’d as trans, into a fic using a kink trope that relies heavily on animal behavior.

Unlike most people new to fandom, Rab is aware of what Omegaverse is and is very much white. She is (and if she isn’t, should be) aware of the racist undertones that writing him in would get.

I couldn’t get a screenshot of what snippets Rab was sending out into the ether, seeing as a majority of my friends would rather not have seen any at all (I have all of the usual tags blocked so I wouldn’t have seen it either way), but needless to say, Rab got attention for it. Both positive and negative.

Anne (@hopeless-eccentric) even posted a satirical fic, in the odds that Rab was just writing this thing to be “the first” to write Omegaverse fic in the Penumbra tags.

But, I’m assuming more than one fan of color came into Rab’s inbox and messaged her about it, but someone I know (who would like to remain anonymous) was gracious enough to take a screenshot before he sent his in and let me use it for this post:

[ID: A message to jitterbug-juno about to be sent by a sender whose name is censored with a black bar. His messages says:

“as someone who is a person of color i think the nature of the fic you are writing right now is extremely racist and attributing animal characteristics to lgbt people of color is not at all appropriate, especially when you are someone who is white. i have to ask you to not publish this fic and to reflect as to why you would want to write this in the first place, these tropes are extremely harmful and”

There are 33 characters left to write into the message. /end]

I can’t speak for whoever else sent asks about the fic she was writing. If anyone was actually not-so-gentle with her, well, minorities don’t really owe it to you to be gentle about what they can tell is bigotry-tinged behavior.

But, the message was clear: this is different from your garden variety, lily white straight male character m/m kink fantasy. This is an actual queer Asian character that a lot of queer Asian people feel attached do. Do not post the fic.

What happened next: the beginning of the end

The next morning, I woke up to most of my friends being frustrated by this post on Rab’s account:

[ID: Dated 5 June, a post by jitterbug-juno:

“Gonna leave the fandom for a while. Wishing you all well.”

The tags say the following: not sure if i’ll be back, thank you so much to everybody who’s read my fics, and who’s sent asks or engaged with my art or any of that, you’re amazing and I’m sending love /end]

That... was not what fans of color wanted, but it was definitely an action they took. Some celebrated, as they were very much wary of Rab for having caused much of the same category of drama in fandoms like Voltron: Legendary Defenders and Warrior Cats. This also meant that she was probably not going to post the fic either.

Some, myself included, were relatively pissed, as they’d wanted even just the measly bit of accountability. An apology or an acknowledgement of having been called out in private and that they’ll take time to consider why. But instead we got Rab leaving in the face of fans of color telling her not to post her Omegaverse fic.

Well. The next day...

[ID: Dated 6 June. A post by jitterbug-juno titled, “Well... that was short-lived”

“I gave the situation a lot of thought yesterday. The reaction to my omegaverse previews made me figure I should leave the fandom. It seemed like the safest option.

But you know what?

Hell.

I don’t want to leave. The fic discusses the tropes of omegaverse and I spoke to several POC on Twitter, and I’m going to post it with plenty of tags so people can avoid it if they wish. I’m not going to be chased out of this space.

Thank you to everyone who sent messages yesterday. I shouldn’t have made that post about leaving. It was really reactionary. I’m okay and I appreciate your support so much.

(bolded on the post) To those who are angry and uncomfortable with me: Please block me. If you’re going to talk about this fic on Tumblr and Twitter– and this may sound odd– PLEASE NAME ME as Jitterbug-juno or Pholo. Don’t vague me. That way people who don’t want to see this discourse can add my name to their block lists.“ /end]

That certainly was short-lived, she wasn’t kidding.

This got a lot of outrage. Again, the fic is up on Ao3 and she has not taken it down. A lot of POC were pissed and I didn’t see a single fan of color actively support what she was doing, at least, not in my friend group. Everyone started making those posts to block them if you liked the fic or Rab’s content in general, in accordance to what Rab wanted.

Perseus (@mraudiodrama) noticed/pointed out that Rab deleted the part where she said she spoke to several POC about releasing her fic, as well as the part where she said she refused to be chased out of the fandom. This was an incredibly pointed detail to edit out, according to some.

[ID: A screenshot of jitterbug-juno's last post taken 11:00PM. Much of it is the same except the following bolded words are removed: "The fic discusses the tropes of omegaverse and I spoke to several POC on Twitter, and I’m going to post it with plenty of tags so people can avoid it if they wish. I’m not going to be chased out of this space." /end]

That same day, Rab deleted her blog. I actually caught this one on tape, believe it or not.

[ID: A screen recording taken at 12:01 PM of someone scrolling down jitterbug-juno's account. The posts and asks about Omegaverse and her post about leaving and coming back are conspicuously absent. /end]

Initially, I thought she deleted all mentions of it. I wanted to see firsthand if the rumors about her deleting portions of it were true. If she added things where she was saying that she wanted to write it because she was autistic and wanted Nureyev to be autistic too, regardless of the numerous QPOC telling her not to do it.

Instead, it turned out, she deleted her blog.

And now, we're here. The fic is still up. Her blog is down. Rab's public Twitter account @nataclinn is quiet about this. Her @cushfuddled Twitter account is on private after her run-in with the Warrior Cats fandom, according to a friend. And her Tumblr @cushfuddled account has nothing but memes.

Again, I didn't make this post to stir up drama. I wasn't even obsessively making this post as a call-out because she isn't in the fandom anymore. I just want it out there that this isn't a purity culture thing that got out of hand in a fandom as niche as Penumbra. This was a case of someone being called out and failing to acknowledge it before running away. And I want all that out of the way before I say:

If you are on Rab's side of this debacle, I, a queer person of color, want nothing to do with you either.

[lvnatiq]

Modern!au Felix Escellun x tattoo artist!gn!reader | Headcanons

a/n: Hey!!! I’m back at it again with my beautifully fucked up request fill. I’m still working on three other things, while I make you wait I took it upon myself to not starve this fandom. So here you have it. Please reblog or comment so that I have a crumb of motivation to keep up.

Should I do a smutty pt. 2 ? Who knows lmao.

Your hand slipped through the pile of designs that your colleague (and your close friend) had sent you to choose and pick apart from.

Unfortunately you were spending the night at the beautiful library of your uni, trying to balance off your school work with your actual work.

You didn’t mind spending your time under the faint scent of books and the mere sound of wood beneath you feet, but what you ‘do’ mind is the fact that the library is way colder than you thought it would be after the midnight.

Good thing that the yearning for finishing your work and leaving as soon as possible made it easier to concentrate on the task at hand.

It also made it easier for you to not notice the presence of an unexpected company.

That was until you felt the warm floral yet musky scent invade your senses as you felt the weight of cotton drape around your shoulders.

You slowly turn your head towards the owner of the coat who’s already making their way out. Desperately trying to find a way to make them stop but failing to raise your voice because of the circumstances.

The last picture of the person buried in your head was their hair caressed by the wind and their quick steps.

Fast forward to a week later, going completely out of luck with finding a place to stay you decide to ask help from your friend whom interestingly has a lot to offer.

With things going a lot smoother than you expected you stopped by the tattoo shop to finish your appointments with couple of customers before you left to meet up with your possible candidate.

“Don’t bother I’ll just call him here so you could talk comfortably.”

Your work seemed to take a lot longer than usual. So you kindly accepted your friends offer as you wrapped up the leftover stuff, finishing up the last customer.

“Hey, oh-“

The sight of your guest tickled your memories as you kept glaring at the glorious figure in front of you.

Felix, completely avoiding eye contact, placed the fallen hair strand behind his ear as he kept his eyes on the table of the tattoo equipments.

You quickly got up as you grabbed his coat from the hanger and walked back where you left him.

“Thank you for the coat, you really saved me back there.”

“Oh- no problem.”

That day you two chatted and melted the ice in between. Deciding to rent the close by apartment and start your roommate era.

Your friend smiled to themselves knowing all too well that felix was completely crazy about you.

Your encounter at the library wasn’t a coincidence either, well don’t think of him as a stalker now, he just dumped a couple of coins in the fountain wishing that you would be there that night. That’s all.

As you two moved in together you realized that there were a lot of things to be ‘caught off guard’ about him but you were most baffled by the tremendous amount of books felix owned.

“Hey Lover boy ! Would you mind recommending me some of them ?”

Felix blushes terribly and you love it so much that you constantly bother him in order to catch a glimpse of his flustered state.

Unbeknownst to you, the pile that felix left on the doorstep of your room was consisted of the books that he thought of you as he read.

Felix, abandoning his night owl habit, decided to fix his sleeping schedule for the better. Definitely not because he wanted to see you at morning before you got off to the work.

Insisting on offering you a ride on your way back home with his nice car.

Nearly every single day.

He knows that it may annoy you but he knows how much you are devoted to your responsibilities so he at least wants for you to save a bit of energy before you dive into the work.

Speaking of his nice car, it tickled your curiosity so you decided to check the price tag on the web and... well...

“Felix... you don’t so some sketchy illegal shit for a living right ?”

“It’s nearly impossible for me to work at the moment because of my studies. Why did you ask ?”

“Your car costs more than the apartment we are living in right now.”

With that, you discover that Felix’s father owns one of the most prominent chains of pharmaceutical companies and that he basically flee from his fathers mansion because he was pressuring Felix to take over his position in the future.

Being his puppet was not a thing to be tolerated in Felix’s book.

That being said, your domestic life with felix was pretty soft to say the least.

Cleaning together, cooking while talking about how your day went or getting to enjoy his expressions while he spilled his frustration against authors that didn’t affect him well.

Occasionally noticing the new cooking books appearing out of nowhere

and the delicious smell of food welcoming you after work, quite often than you expect.

Finally, more skinship.

One day whilst you two got through the gates of your apartment block you noticed the open doors of the elevator so instinctively you held Felix by the hand and ran into the mirrored box.

What you didn’t notice was the fact that you didn’t let go of his hand as you two went up.

From that day on Felix used every single opportunity to sneak his hand into yours.

Don’t blame him, it’s just that your hands are warm and the feeling of security that radiates from your fingertips is his medicine.

You absolutely avoided to tease or point it out to him because you knew that he would never do it again so you went with the flow.

You really enjoyed it though.

Snaking your arms around his waist while he is organizing the bookshelf. Feeling him shutter into your arms.

Nights became more and more enjoyable once he started to accompany you.

Everytime you caught him slacking on the sofa, you used his lap as a pillow.

Felix is extremely easy to figure out, mainly because he can’t hide anything.

Also, well

He is ticklish and you use his weakness against him, a lot.

Diving your fingers down to the sides of his tummy you started to tickle every possible sensitive spot you could catch on.

“Spit it out.”

“I-I wan’t you to- give me my first tattoo.”

Telling his words apart from his adorable giggles, needless to say you were ecstatic.

“Alright. What do I get in return ?”

“Name your price.”

You thoughtfully stared at the ceiling, humming as you blurted out your very obviously well thought out response.

“I want you to show me what keeps you up all night.”

You can’t be serious.

If you asked for an organ, he would’ve been more compliant.

You didn’t know what you got yourself into.

You basically asked for him to show you his ‘masterpieces’ that he showcases on AO3. Something that you were already well aware of.

“Deal ?”

“No !”

“Good ! Let’s see what you got.”

Felix anonymously contributed to the community by writing some of the most famous slow-burn stories on the web.

Just so you know, his author persona blew up thanks to the mind blowing, earth shattering smuts he wrote.

Yeah you heard that right

Smuts

Well he is fucking panicking now.

Nonetheless days kept on going as felix prayed each night to every single deity that you forgot your ‘deal’.

The days go on even if his worries don’t.

Did I say that Felix is a whimpering, whiny mess ? he struggles to stay in one position as the needle drags upon his skin.

“If you plan to keep on moving, I might as well strap you down felix. 5 more minutes and then we are done. Please behave.”

When you put it like that how can he refuse I mean you made things worse he is internally screaming at what you just said but he is not going to refuse a command when it’s given by you.

In exchange for giving him a tattoo you decide to let him give you one even though he’s inexperienced.

He’s terrified because he thinks that something would go wrong, his hand would slip or something and he would scratch that pretty skin of yours with a horrendous tattoo.

But you assured him nevertheless and offered him to draw something very minimal and easy. He accepted eventually.

As it turns out Felix is a natural. His hand is extremely steady and the tattoo turns out great.

Throughout the process he’s constantly asking if you’re hurt because he thinks that he’s doing something wrong but in fact he’s very delicate and gentle with the strokes and his touch.

You decide to be evil and use it against him. After you touch up your tattoo you lean in very closely and turn your cheek towards him.

“What are you doing ?” He stutters.

“I can’t possibly ask you to kiss my freshly made tattoo, so won’t you give me a kiss so that it heals faster.”

If his hands were steady before they weren’t now.

As soon as his lips left your cheek you held him by his wrist and pull him back close again so that you can lean in onto his ear.

“Don’t think that I’ve forgotten our deal. I am excited to see what you have in store for me tonight.” You winked.

Then the worst thing happened

The “tonight” came.

Felix was running in circles around the living room with one hand on his forehead wondering what could get worse after this.

Maybe you’ll be disgusted or scared hell if he knows.

He wanted to do nothing to harm your relationship in anyway because you and what you two have is all he ever wanted.

...and he believes that he has a tendency to ruin things.

But what happened was beyond his expectations.

Your eyes followed every single sentence throughout the screen, the white light traced your expressions as your eyebrows raised up and down and the corners of your lips inched closer to your ears. Your lower lip became a victim of your teeth’s assault.

He was so confused. Still waiting for you to lash out or make fun of him, at least.

“I used to think ‘what am I gonna do with you’ when it comes to you. Mostly out of frustration.”

Yet here you were with the laptop closed shut and your arms behind your head as you closed your eyes and groaned.

Slowly the smile plastered on your face grew.

”Now I know what to with you.”