#needless to say neither of these women are fucking normal

[wildcat-characters]

The collegeverse (idk what else to call this concept) characters as wojaks

Amber

Sasha

[gayspiderl8ver]

I didn't figure this was an issue on this website initially

I saw an account that had a "bi lesbian" and "biphobia" in their dni list. Which is biphobia. I feel like maybe people don't understand or don't care about the difference between bi and pan. Pan just means you don't care about the person's gender. I thought I was pan for the longest time but what I actually didn't care about was the person's physical sex or other physical characteristics. These are not a part of gender, the thing someone pan does not care about. But I still like people of any gender, I just assumed I was picky, but I was the most picky about men. Doesn't matter if they're cis or trans, I just get more selective. I'm less selective with feminine men. This does not mean this is a transgender person in any way. they may be cis and just feminine, I'm less picky with femboys. but lesbian excludes these men, and also the other more masculine men I find sexually attractive.

The more I analyzed my sexuality, the more I found that I do still like men but I don't feel romantic attraction to them. And yes that includes femboys. I only feel romantic attraction to Women and sometimes enbies. Enbies is such a broad group of all kinds of different people. But the enbies that I feel more romantic attraction to are generally more woman leaning in identity. Not fashion or hormones necessarily. All of these feelings can only be described if I say bisexual (and then all these fucking caveats that just mean lesbian in romance and sex, bi in just sex). And I did describe myself like this for years. First I came out as bi to friends, then pan as I learned more (and then gay for the rest of highschool cause I was leaning fem before transition and then this girl asked my out and I panicked and said I like men actually), and none of these felt right but I felt like I had to choose lesbian or bisexual. neither of these were correct on their own because as it turns out, humans are not so concretely simple and fit into preset boxes. I just went with Bisexual that leaned towards women but (caveat, caveat, caveat, etc.)

Turns out the simple term for all this is just bi lesbian. An overlap of two umbrellas. Sapphic is close but still excludes some of them more masculine men I'm sexually attracted to. I don't want to ignore what I like to fit some idealized world view where people fit in distinct boxes. I think it's extremely simple to explain that my romantic and sexual desires aren't the same groups, my sexuality is a venn diagram and not a circle. Ain't no shame to it but it's real weird anyone would see that as a problem. I knew there was still biphobia around but to see it this frequently on an ostensibly progressive website is just scary.

I still have to fight for my right to exist in so many ways why do I have to take on another front when all I wanna do is just live my life? And I know these other people are fighting in their own ways for the right to live as themselves, its stupid to create a needless enemy of someone in the same boat.

I'm not looking to change a mind cause people like to create a social bubble and don't like it popped, and anyone wanting to engage in "debate" dont want a meaningful discussion they just wanna win and be the one to convince someone else. Has that ever actually worked? I guess I just saw that dni list and it was clicking against all the other dnis in my head that i saw that included "bi lesbian". Like to me it's no different than seeing someone putting "women dni" or "trans dni" in their bio or dni post or whatever. It's intrinsic and I didn't choose this. But these people have chosen to consider me as wrong or something. And that's kinda normal for me tbf I get it a lot day-to-day. but I think what got to me was just the "biphobes dni" bit on the other side of the same list. That contradiction is just eating at me and I need an outlet. And what better way to vent than on an ostensibly progressive website where I know in advance that people are brutal to each other for being or believing different.

[resplendentmackerelsky]

No organ removal is taken lightly. That's why I brought up other transplants on the tags. Uterus transplant has in fact been used for dysphoric trans women, and infertile cis women for decades now. There has to be a donor.

I also have no friends fucking clue where you got "mentally ill" from. It's neither in the original post, nor any reblogs, so me thinks you backtracking :)))))

Unless you think trans people are mentally ill, which is very mask-off of you. Needless to say, I disagree that being trans is a mental illness and most normal people would agree

I'd like to also point out that the removal of the uterus is not something that is easily done, even in countries that claim to herald women's reproductive autonomy. No doctor is doing them for the fun of it. In fact, those who need or want it done have a hard time finding a doctor who will do it, especially if they're of "reproductive age"

Bodily autonomy includes "extreme body modification" btw. If someone can implant silicone horns under their skin, then trans folk should be able to do whatever, including hysterectomy, to themselves

Your arguments are based on uninformed emotional attachments you seem to have with other people's uteruses.

Look at the tags I left on your stupid potato head reblog, you ass. I ain't afraid of no bigot.

These tags are stupid. You're comparing medically necessary procedures (organ transplants, wisdom tooth removal) and procedures outside the medical field (tattoos, piercings) to the cosmetic organ removal to which I was referring. And you're also assuming I'm pro-circumcision.

[house-of-slayterr]

Hello Mx. Writer! It's me again:)

How do you think Maggie and Basil and even V would react to see a Riddler v.s. Victor showdown? Aka how they react to the love triangle?

Hello Anon 🥰 how are you my dear?

Oh god, ok. Victor Vs Ed would be a walking nightmare- but god would I want to watch! Also I know we’re talking our Gotham boys right now, but I can’t help but think about what would happen if Birds of Prey Zsasz tried to fight The Batman’s Ed Nashton… terrifying!

Ed’s love for Y/N is very respect base. She’s a little older then the man and he knows there’s a lot he can learn from her. So perhaps one day when Oswald is really getting on his nerves, Ed goes to Y/N for help with revenge. I mean it’s obvious he’s in love with the boy. Y/N can see it plain as day, so of course she’s going to help the younger villain.

He sees Y/N and Vic fight all the time. Yet they’re still madly in love. Besides he enjoys the thrill of his little feud with her boss. Is Gotham, normal relationships don’t exist. If you haven’t tried to kill each other even once, are you really even a couple? Them spending more time together is totally innocent. Riddler slips in from time to time and tries to crack little jokes and puns at Y/N. He’s not blind, the women is very attractive, but he doesn’t have a death sentence. He knows she’s Victor’s, but a little friendly flirty never hurt anyone right? Besides, he loves to watch her laugh.

And boy is she laughing! You know that classic cackle where you lean back in your chair so far you almost fall, and the other person puts a hand on their shoulder to steady you. That sort of full belly laugh that has a minor insanity behind it. Of course neither of them are sober during these little midnight plotting sessions. That would be no fun. Between the shitty riddles, the booze and plotting to make Oswald so furious the idiot throws a week long tantrum, Y/N feels totally free and giddy. There’s a certain high she gets from strategising a war that’s not serious for once. One where there’s no high stakes, and nobody’s going home having lost something they’d rather not go without.

VICTOR DOES NOT LIKE THIS!! That attention should be his. Her laugh should be from him. Not this low level, criminal wanna be. He looks like a damn leprechaun who sprouted real people legs. And when Victor comes home after a long day, looking for his Wife and finds Nygma with his hand around her. He’s seeing RED!!!!

Despite what everyone thinks, Vic does have impulse control. It’s very little but he does know how to show some self restraint. So he pulls himself away in the moment. Course, he does go out and make it EVERYONE else’s problem. Jimbo better hope he doesn’t run into the assassin on his little rampage. Cause Victor is not afraid to cut anyone down to size who gets in his way. He’s furious, and even if this little friendship was totally innocent, that wouldn’t change fuck all to him. Little does Victor know Y/N planned this. She could help Nygma, while playing the side game to rile her lover up. I mean Vic is way more fun when he’s bloodthirsty. Can’t blame a woman for wanting some excitement, or to be dominated every once in a while.

And Victor is playing right into her plan. If Oswald called a meeting because he’s growing suspicious of this sudden friendship, everyone would have to be there. If there’s one thing Oswald likes, it’s humiliating people. Why do in private what you can do in public instead? Needless to say Maggie and Basil have no clue why they’re being summoned that morning. Oswald’s pretty much locks them all in the room and just glares until someone tells him what he wants to hear. Nobody says anything at first, I mean poor Maggie and Basil have no idea what’s going on. But Victor would be the first to make a move. No words, just a punch straight to Ed’s nose.

He’d pull his gun as the man stumbled back and point it right between his eyes. A challenge to try anything, wether that be making a physical move, or attempting to even speak. Nothing Ed could say would make Victor any less trigger happy.

Maggie is the first to recognise this, and would instantly jump up from here chair.

“Woah, Victor, what the hell are you doing?” She’d ask bewildered.

Victor doesn’t move the gun, just turns his head to look at her and smirks.

“Taking out the trash.”

She’s roll her eyes.

“Nygma, what did you do?” She’s demand.

Maggie might be fairly soft spoken, but everyone could tell there was an urgency in her voice. It was gentle but commanding.

“What makes you think I did anything? The bastards crazy!” Ed defends.

Of course, Basil takes note to the fact that Y/N hasn’t had much of a response to any of this. She never attempted to rise from her seat, and there was no readable emotion on her face. It was suspicious, like she was trying to play innocent. Basil just raises a questioning brow at the woman, who gives no indication she’s going to be revealing anything anytime soon. She just sips from her cup while she watches.

Maggie pinches her brow in annoyance.

“Oswald?”

Despite him very clearly taking a more dominant role in the relationship that they have, Oswald steps forward as if his own mother just called him forward. No hesitation at all. She’d look down at the man.

“Why are we here?”

“They’re plotting something against me, I just know it.” He says, anger in his town.

Maggie hand help the exasperated sigh that leaves her mouth. She’s grown used to playing therapist.

“You’re all hopeless.” She scoffs. “Ok Oz, you’re being paranoid. Nobody in this room is trying to hurt you. Edward, you need to wipe that smug grin off your face, Victor put the damn gun down. And you-“

She’d pause when she gets to Y/N. I mean what can she say, she’s not exactly doing anything. Besides, it would be a weighty punishment if she talked back to the woman. Y/N would raise a challenging brow at the girl, smirking a little.

“Stop being so quiet, it’s creeping me out.” Maggie said, shuddering.

Nothing good ever happened when Y/N was quiet for too long. Quiet meant she was thinking, and hard. Y/N certainly amused by Maggie’s lame attempt at diffusing this situation.

“How can I stop a non-action dear?” Y/N would smirk.

Maggie would just look to Basil for help. He’d just nod his head at Edward, showing he’s the weakest link in the group right now. Maggie would clear her throat and approach.

“Look, Edward, sweetie-“ Riddler does not enjoy her tone right now. “You’re going to have to fess up to what you did sooner or later. Or else none of us are leaving this room. And I swear to you, if I have to miss going to the bookstore with Jim to pick out Bruce a book for his birthday, I am going to rip out your spleen and make you crawl across hot coals to get it back.”

She wasn’t fucking around. If anyone hated plans being interrupted more than Y/N, it’s was Maggie. And plans with Jim none the less, she was currently wanting to scream.

“Wait you’re going book shopping with Jim?” Oswald asks.

Everyone can hear the slight jealousy in his voice. Despite him not sharing affection for the girl in that way, didn’t mean he had to enjoy anyone else showing her said affection.

“Yeah, Bruce has been talking about this specific book for months, only place I can find it is down in the offered. Jim offered to go with me, probably cause he has no idea what to get the kid and wants to leach off my gift. But whatever.”

Not true. Everyone in that room new it’s because Jim didn’t want her alone in the narrows. Always the gentleman, that man. She tried back to Riddler.

“So you’re going to sit down and start talking, or so help me god I’ll just let Victor shoot you.”

Nobody really knew if the girl was being serious.

“I’m serious, I didn’t do anything wrong. Is having friends illegal now?” He questioned.

“Now I get it.” Basil chimed in. “Victor you jealous bastard, you do know your wife is allowed to talk to people right? That’s a basic human right.”

Victor would growl, wanting to shoot the younger man as well.

“Ed, apologise to Victor for making him insecure. Y/N apologise to Oswald for making him paranoid. And Victor, put the fucking gun down before I shove it up your scrawny ass. I’m not fucking around today guys, I don’t have time for this shit.”

“That time of the month?” Victor asked.

Yeah that would be the last straw. Screw an actual showdown between Victor and Edward, right now this was about to be between Victor and God. Of course Victor is going to be holding a grudge on Edward for a long time. Messing up the man’s plans and trying to shoot him at practically any opportunity they have when Maggie’s out of sight. Victor thinks Maggie’s and innocent little kitty cat, and frequently makes fun of the girl for being so soft. But, he’s also seen her shot Sofia with no hesitation because Jim was involved. Honestly he was pretty proud of her for that.

Maggie would turn back to him bewildered.

“What did you just say?”

Oh, she’s bold with it. To talk to the Victor Zsasz like he wasn’t gripping a fully loaded gun right now. Basil would be quick to step in, stepping between his big sis and Victor. Of course he’d love to watch her throw a punch at the guy, but he also knows it’s a fight she can’t win. And nobody in that room is thinking straight. He’d pull her backward into a hug, trapping her against him so she can’t move. She’d put up a valiant effort, kicking and grumbling to try to get out of his arms. Even going so far as to bite him, but he’s undeterred.

“Fine, the two do you kill each other for all I care. And Y/N, I hope whatever you’re planning is worth it.”

She’d convince Basil to let her go.

“I’m getting out of here, Basil you’re on family therapy duty today. Whatever blood is spilt, they’re cleaning it up. If I come back and see a maid doing that shit, I’m setting this entire house on fire with both of them inside.”

She’d walk over to Oswald and kiss him on the cheek. As she does so she swipes the keys from his pocket and walks toward the door. Everyone watches as she goes.

“Be back later, love you all!” She’d say, a clear attempt to try and push down any anger she was feeling.

She didn’t want her mood to be sour when she met up with Jim. As the door shut behind her, everyone just turns to look back at Y/N.

“Oh she’s definitely on her period.” Y/N concluded with a smile. “You heard what the lady said, she wants blood she’d and carnage.” She would sip her drink, even further amused as it dawns on everyone they’ve been used.

“Unbelievable.” Basil says, shaking his head.

But sitting down to watch as Y/N just hands him the full bottle of wine she’d been nursing.

“You’re insane.” Oswald grumbles as he also goes to leave the room.

Victor and Edward just stand there dumbfounded, not sure what to do next. Victor cracks his knuckles.

“I’m going to give you a five minuet head start.” He tells the man in green.

“One- Two-“

Yeah, Edwards supposed to be a genius, so he doesn’t even wait for three before he’s sprinting for the door. He’d have to think of a good way to shake Zsasz. They’d watch after him until he was out of sight. Victor just turns back to his wife.

“You’re not going after him are you?” She asks amused.

“No, that idiot can die tomorrow, you on the other hand-“

And Basil takes that as his que to leave. He knows where all that pent up rage is going to leave. And frankly he doesn’t want to see them hate fuck each other.

An; lol I love sassy Maggie in this chapter. I was just in a silly goofy mood today guys, so so is she. We all know Edward ran to the Sirens club to hide.

@keffirinne @flaysthings @howl-fantasies

[ithebookhoarder]

Could I get something for valentines day to do with the Shelby gang? I really don't mind what or who. I just feel like I need a little love for the day...

Valentines Day Head-Canons for the Shelby Family

A/N: Of course you can, anon! Hope you have a great day, whether you’re celebrating or not. It’s just a day, really, so I hope this cheers you up ;) Sending so much love x 

Masterlist:

Arthur: 

This man would be nervous as hell that he’d mess up valentines day with you. He’s not exactly known for being the romantic of the family, nor does he have the sophistication of his younger siblings. In fact, he’s sometimes surprised you’re even with him at all. 

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t try, though. Oh no, this man is going all out for the day and nothing is too much for you. He’ll have asked everyone, and I mean everyone, for advice about what to do to make the day special. 

He’s not a many of many words so he lets his actions do the talking for him, giving you a massive bouquet of flowers as he comes to collect you for the evening. 

“Arthur, they’re beautiful. You really shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble for me. I mean, you even got orchids - my favourites. How did you know?”

“I remember you told me before, eh? When we were at that place down in London. The one with the fancy window displays.”

“I can’t believe you remembered.”

But that’s Arthur. He’s utterly head over heels for you, which is probably why he turns bright red as you kiss him on the doorstep before hurrying back inside to put them in some water. 

He’d also make sure to open every door for you the entire night, refusing to let you even lift so much as a finger. 

In fact, he even pulls your chair out for you in the restaurant he’s taking you to, glaring at the waiter who was going to do it, in a clear sign to back away if he wants to escape with his life. 

“Arthur. I saw that. Behave.”

“I’m on my best behaviour, love. Promise.” 

“Oh really? What a shame, as I had kind of hoped you wouldn’t be, considering that I’m wearing your present underneath this dress.”

Arthur almost combusts there and then. 

Screw dinner - he wants to devour you and only you. Maybe that’s why he practically drags you out of the door at the end of the night, making you laugh as you hurry after him, the two of you fumbling with each other like horny teenagers.  

Needless to say, you spend the rest of the night wrapped in a tangle of limbs, lost in an haze of pleasure as you gift one another with your bodies. 

John:

Now, considering his kids and the fact they are more than a handful, he knows just how important time spent with just the two of you is. That would be his first and biggest gift, getting one of the family to agree to watch the hell spawn long enough for you two to spend some time alone together. 

It’s just you and him for 24 hours of uninterrupted bliss, with no crying children or screaming babies to think about. 

True, it would be weird at first to have the house so quiet, but that’s exactly what you need for you and John to just talk to one another about anything and everything you’ve missed over the past few weeks. After all, he’d probably have been so busy with work he feels like he’s hardly seen you recently. 

He’s also remarkably in-tune with you and knows exactly how to spoil you rotten. 

“You do so much for me and the kids, it’s the least I can do, right? You deserve the world, but I guess I’ll have to do, eh?”

Who knew John Shelby was such a softie?

He’d have the day mapped out down to the finest detail: Breakfast in bed? check. A hot bath with wine and candles? Check. That new dress you had your eye on when you last went into town? Check. Making love for hours on every surface of the house? Triple check. 

He knows how lucky he is to have you and would spend all day making sure you knew. 

“At this rate, we’ll be having another little one to be bribe Polly to watch next year.”

“John Shelby! I swear to god I am not having another baby-“

“So you want me to put my clothes back on and not fuck you again?”

You wisely say nothing and kiss him instead. 

“As I thought.”

Tommy: 

Considering how busy he normally is, the only gift you could ever want from him was that of time. Time away from the stresses of the company or his family and their never ending messes. 

It’s why you’re eager to subtly remind him about the date every chance you get in the weeks preceding it. 

Little do you know, he’s perfectly aware of the day. In fact, he has plans of his own cooked up for the both of you… you just didn’t need to know that yet. 

It makes the surprise all the more satisfying as he wakes you early the morning of, peppering you with kisses and encouraging you to get dressed. 

“I thought people usually tried to get people undressed on Valentines day?”

“Patience, love. It’s worth it, I promise.”

You laugh and trust him, unable to deny him anything when he looks genuinely happy for once. That in itself is a gift, as is the chance to spend the day riding with him around the estate you called home. 

Tommy is happiest on horse back, and you grin as you eye him clambering on his horse out front. 

You’re quick to follow, not surprised to see he’d had your horse readied too. He really had thought this out, down to the route you take. 

“This way, there are no phone calls or fucking distractions,” he explains, relieved at the utter delight in your eyes. “Not unless one of the staff want to grab a horse and come find us. Good luck to them.”

“They’d need it, especially if they’re stupid enough to risk me shooting them for disturbing us. They’d be idiots.”

Tommy laughs. 

Eventually, he’d stop you both, just on the edge of the woods, revealing the next surprise as he pulls out a blanket and basket (prepared with Frances’s help, of course). 

“A picnic, Tommy?” 

“I told you it was a surprise.” 

It’s the best surprise as you both sit there, drinking and laughing as the sky turns dark. 

That’s when he lights a fire for you both, letting you huddle close by the flames, eyes gazing at the stars above you. 

You listen to him telling you all about the constellations and the stories he learned as a child. The sound of his voice is heavenly and you could easily listen to him all night. 

So much so, you’re quick to wish the night would never end, letting you two stay like this, wrapped peacefully in each other’s arms forever. 

Finn:

This literal angel is sweet as hell. Like, you better be prepared for the hand made card he’ll have made you… with Polly’s help, of course. He isn’t a hundred percent sure his spelling would have been right otherwise, but for you he’s willing to make the effort to try and write it for you. After all, you’ve more than likely been trying to help him learn to read and write since you started seeing one another. 

“Aunt Pol… is heart spelt with two t’s or one?”

“One, Finn.” 

“And does angel have a j in it?”

“No, Finn.”

Everyone else thought it was adorable and proof that he truly does love you. They’ve never seen him work so hard on anything in his life. 

Your own card is much simpler, because you wanted to make sure he could read it without too much difficulty. You also may or may not have got a bit carried away with drawing hearts and other sketches to fill it instead of trying to use long and complicated words about how much you loved him. 

However, neither one of you seem to care. You’re too happy with the cards you receive to care about your own possible mistakes. 

You’re also too busy admiring how much of an effort each of you made with your outfits for your date. Sure, it was just drinks and dancing with some of the other teenagers in Small Heath (basically Isiah and his girl) but you’d both gone full out for the occasion. 

“Is that suit new?”

“Maybe… John helped me pick it out. Why? Does it look stupid?”

“No, Finn Shelby. You look incredibly handsome,” you beam, toying with his lapels before linking his hand with yours. “I’ll be the luckiest girl there tonight.”

“And I’ll be the luckiest man.”

Oh yeah, you two are reals saps, just as most young lovers are. You’re all nervous glances, laughs and touches as you two dance the night away. 

It would also be the night Finn kisses you for the first night, summoning the courage to do it as he drops you off back at your house, just a little after curfew. 

It’s worth the risk and as you kiss him back he swears he’s flying the rest of the way home. 

Micheal: 

Micheal has had his plans in place for weeks, making sure every little detail would be perfect for the two of you. He’s honestly looking forward to it, enough to welcome his mother’s advice as she throws suggestions and tips at him the week before. 

“Women like to feel special, Micheal. What about getting her a necklace? Or some chocolates? Fancy ones from France or something.” 

“Mum, thanks, but I’ve got it covered. Promise.”

“Are you sure?”

Micheal laughs and tries not to be offended at her obvious doubt. Then again, he’s not always had a track record of being the most romantic or thoughtful with women. Still, he really cares about you and he’s determined not to mess this up. 

It’s why he’s chosen the perfect place for you two to spend the evening together: your place. 

He’s determined to spend the time just the two of you, and what better way to impress you than cooking dinner for you? 

With the bottle of champagne he brought and your favourite records playing in the background, you’re quickly at ease, grinning as you watch him effortlessly chop, dice and season the dish he’s chosen. 

How is peeling a potato so sexy when he does it? 

It’s honestly impressive, but also because he’s putting so much effort into it which is a nice surprise. As is the way he dances around the kitchen with you whenever there’s a pause in the recipe or a particularly good song comes on. 

You’re surprised at his soft singing voice as he holds you, humming along. It’s rare he allows himself to be seen in such a way, relaxed with no one to judge him for being soft or a little off key.   In front of the other Shelbys he’s normally desperate to impress them, trying to be tough and nonchalant.

However, you know deep down he’s still the country boy you fell in love with when he first arrived in the city.  

By the time you’ve finished dinner, the candles have almost burned out and you know where the evening is headed as you both start to scurry off to your bedroom. 

Ada:

Ada is probably the most relaxed of all the Shelby bunch when it comes to special occasions. This is Ada we’re talking about. She’s also probably the most sane of the bunch, so she knows how to act like a normal person. 

She doesn’t need anything big or fancy as a gift or some elaborate plan to make her fall head over heels. 

A day in the park, with Karl holding both your hands as you walk to the duck pond, is enough to make her look at you with utter adoration in her eyes. She loves how well you both get on, becoming a little family of you own. 

It’s why it’s no surprise you all have dinner together, with Karl helping to serve you as your two favourite people spoil you rotten. You normally eat together most days, even if Karl doesn’t normally wear a suit or call you ‘madame’ every time he passes you something like a mini waiter. 

Ada smirks at the sight, informing you it’s all Karl’s idea - as is the card he thrusts upon you.

“I made the card myself!”

“You did? Wow, Karl. Look how amazing it is. I love the glitter on the heart.” 

“I knew you would. Mum didn’t think so but I won.”

The look Ada gives you makes you want to laugh until you cry as you clearly sense the frustration she must have suffered in the pursuit of Karl’s artistry. It also explains why you’ve been finding glitter everywhere all week. 

“Well, I love it. Thank you - both.”

You press kisses to both of their cheeks, grinning as Ada purred something about giving you her card later once Karl’s in bed. You’re eager to return the favour, impatient to give her your own card and gift. 

It’s a framed photo of you all, taken one day when you’d all been at the local fair. 

The sight of it is enough to make Ada watery eyed as she gives you yours, watching as you unwrap it and gasp in delight. 

The book is the next in a series you’d recently started and fallen in love with. However, you were pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be released yet. 

“What can I say? Perks of having a librarian girlfriend with exclusive access to advanced copies we’re supposed to be holding on to until next month. I borrowed one and I’m sure they won’t notice.” 

“Ada Shelby. You stole a book for me?”

“Borrowed. Not stole.” 

You don’t care, too overwhelmed to do anything other than kiss her passionately. 

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[ficsnroses]

Friends With Benefits Part 4 - Keanu Reeves x Reader

Chapter IV ~ Her Name Seeps From His Lips.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

I’m so sorry this sucks but I promise promise promise chapter 5 will be good.

Word Count : 3362

Warnings : NSFW, 18+ content. Masturbation. 

Series Summary : What happens when two, lonely friends start seeing and confiding in each other for sex? A tricky friends with benefits love story, when feelings get in the way.

A/N : Y’all I’m not a guy but I tried okay. I hope you enjoy this chapter, friendios 🖤

Keanu and you had an unspoken bond to each other. In fact, your entire relationship, which started off as just friends, only came to be because you appealed to each other. You appreciated each other’s company above all, especially due to the fact neither of you had ever had much interest in the mass of social crowds.

Sex only became part of the equation well after. You were friends, before friends with benefits. 

Of course, the sex stuck around because of how mind blowing it always was. Neither of you meant for it to, but it had become routine. Needless to say, Keanu and you had a very frequent and healthy sex life together. Your need to satisfy each other only grew with time, almost becoming religion.

•

As Keanu collapses on his bed, propping his feet up, he can hear the faint sound of the misty LA rain out his window. December in LA tends to be wetter than the rest of the months, the days shorter and gloomier than before. The steady drumming on the window feels nice. Its calm, serene, contrasting to the intensity of the work week thus far.

Naturally, when Keanu hadn’t seen you in over a week, he found himself missing you. A lot. You had suddenly left the morning after your steamy midnight session a week prior. The morning you showed Keanu the galaxies alike, woke him up in the most sinful of ways with your gorgeous little mouth. The morning Keanu and you had ventured out together for plan B. The same morning the media caught you at brunch.

Keanu and you hadn’t met up since that day, which left him feeling very unsettled. With Christmas approaching rather soon, Keanu had planned to spend more time with you this week. He wanted to have a movie night or two, or perhaps take you out to a nice dinner. He knew your family was back home, and you didn’t have anyone in LA to spend the holidays with. Keanu understood that. He felt lonelier than usual around the holidays as well. He thought you could use each other around this time.

Keanu always tried his best to show you how much he valued you. Your relationship was a special case…for sure. But it worked for you. It was always his priority to make sure you never felt used. For Keanu, you weren’t solely just his fuck buddy. You were one of his best friends, a woman he respected, appreciated, and cared for deeply. He’d seen you at your most vulnerable. How could he not feel so deeply connected to you? The intimacy you shared together was precious. He often found himself reflecting on just how beautiful it really was. Just how lucky he really was to have you fill his needs, and to be able to fulfill yours.

However, the week hadn’t gone as planned so far. Keanu and you were normally very active. You both always managed to make the time to see each other, to be with each other. You hadn’t been intimate in a week. Each time he proposed, you had rubbed him off, claiming a busier workload, or just being plain tired.

That didn’t seem like Y/N though, and Keanu knew that. In fact, normally when she was tired, Y/N wanted Keanu to please her even more. They did that a lot for each other, when one needed relief, the other would work harder to give them the release they so desperately craved, whether it was just a brief pop in for a quickie at her office or his trailer, or a long, steamy evening at one of their houses, where they left each other gasping for air by the end of it, their skin sticking together as if bound as one, their lips shaping, dripping each other’s names.

Gosh, it had been a week since Keanu had had any sort of release. A week of tense, diligent, exhausting training without Y/N to make him feel good. He’d craved her body this past week, almost as if reciting a prayer, he so desperately needed to be heard.

Y/N was amazing, to make an understatement. She was as gratifying as a siren, an enchantress with her body, so skilled, so perfect. He had had her a hundred times, which may be what lead him to become so addicted to her. The feeling of her, all of her wrapped around him, the feeling of her soft, delicate hands running over his calloused skin, the linger of her warm breath.

The way her warm, velvety, sinfully wet tongue felt lapping around him, the way her shallow bobs could almost take him whole.

Keanu hadn’t realized himself palming at a growing bulge in his sweatpants, gradually leaning against the headboard of the bed, eyes drifting closed with a mural of Y/N clouding his mind.

Before Y/N, Keanu used to relieve himself often. He hadn’t been in a real relationship in years, and one night stands weren’t too frequent in his busy schedule. Not to mention, he was never too fond of one night hookups. He enjoyed feeling an emotional connection to his partner, liked the added sensation it brought to know the woman taking him is someone who cares for him, and not just another brag to the world of sleeping with movie star, Keanu Reeves.

He began groping his bulge unknowingly, his pants undoubtedly growing tighter and tighter at the thought of Y/N. Keanu’s sex drive was rather high for a man his age, although he was never much of one to act on it. Of course, until Y/N came along. She had always been there to help him when he needed it, happy to give him the ecstasy he so desperately wanted.

With a bite of his bottom lip, Keanu slips his hand into the waistband of his sweats, feeling over his sensitive skin. He hadn’t done this in a while; he hadn’t needed to. But it had been 8 days, not that he was counting. 8 days without any release. 8 days without Y/N.

Kicking off his sweats, Keanu positions himself comfortably in his bed, the rain at the window still pelting away. His eyes catch the splatter of tiny water globes, sprayed across the glass. There’s so many of them, thousands if he tried to count, millions. Numbers, quantities, digits. It’s a funny thing to think of how much of so much there is of everything in the world. So much love, so much admiration, so many people.

Yet here he was, on a cold, rainy day, alone. Feeling more alone than he had in a while. He wondered what Y/N was doing in that moment. If she had thought about him as much as he thought about her this past week.

He pulls out his cock to the sound of the rain getting heavier, the sleet downpour thumping on the roof, almost entwining with the beat of his heart racing faster by the second, blood pumping to his lower. Wrapping his palm sloppily around his base, Keanu pumps himself full, base to shaft, leisurely, up and down a few times. His hooded eyes trace down and see his girth growing bigger and bigger through the touch.

A light moan escapes his lips at the sensation. It’s not the same as having Y/N’s tight, dripping cunt engulfed around him, but its something. Something to feel. He reaches over to the bedside table into the drawer, for a bottle of hand cream he keeps available. He hates to admit it, but its kept for times like this. It hadn’t seen the light of the bedroom for a while, not since Y/N had been coming around. But Y/N wasn’t there today, leaving the timeworn, guilt ensuing hand cream to accompany him through the deed. He felt pathetic, pitiful on himself.

But he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Not when he needed this so bad. Squirting a dime sized amount onto his palm, he jerks himself whole. A low groan stumbles from his lips as he strokes his entire length, his thumb swirling over the tip of his cock, smearing droplets of clear, gooey pre cum over his head. He closes his eyes, trying to remember the feel of Y/N’s plump, moist lips swirling him, the sounds of her tiny gags as she took him in and out.

His cock begins twitching, sending shudders through his nerves. He begins pumping himself harder, tighter, faster, grunts and low moans sashaying out of his mouth with each jerk. With his spare hand, he brings it down to toy with his balls, massaging, kneading to add to the pleasure.

“Fuck…oh fuck…Y/N, baby..” your name slips from his mouth, the thought of you fogging his mind as he worked expertly with his hands on himself. He was a bit rusty, but it all came back once his hunger for relief overtook all his senses. He begins adding twists into the combination, trying to simulate the feel of any part of your body on him, making him feel so good the way you always do, the way you so proficiently bring him to the edge with ease, as if second nature.

He feels himself close, his cock twitching, throbbing, pulsating as he yanks himself, your name habitually falls from his mouth in sinful baritone. Keanu had never met a woman that had reduced him to a moaning mess like this before, he’d never dreamt of a women making him feel this way, the way he hardened instantly at the thought of you.

He had always needed something to get him going before you, a video, a magazine, anything. He was surprised at the effect you had on him, he had no idea it was that strong until this moment.

“Y/N…oh Y/N. Fuck.” Keanu growls, whimpering as he pumps himself to the edge. Grabbing a cluster of tissues off the bedside table, while simultaneously stroking himself faster and faster, he reaches his climax, his silky, creamy, succulent release shooting into his tissue equipped hand.  

With a string of moans, he felt himself lighten at the vast amount of seed he’d released, the tissue heavier and heavier until he drained himself completely. Panting, with a thin line of sweat glazed across his forehead, his head falls back, relaxing, breath heavy.

He lets the tissues fall to the floor, as he rests his eyes, chest raising and falling gradually. He’s cleared his mind, his release so powerful, but never the same. Not what you could give him. As his cock falls flaccid, he brings his forearm to rest over his head, surprised at how easily he had just masturbated to the thought of you.

The rain hasn’t stopped. Its been complemented by gradual rumbles of thunder. The day is only growing darker and darker, mirroring the way his chest felt in that moment. He missed her, he missed her a lot. Y/N was his friend, not just someone he had sex with. Why had she left so suddenly that morning? Why hadn’t she wanted to meet up this week? Had he done something? He couldn’t shake the feeling. But he needed her. He needed to see her, if not be with her. He needed to know she was okay, and that there wasn’t something wrong in her life for her to keep herself so occupied, so deserted from him.

He reaches over to check the time on his phone.

4:00pm. Y/N wouldn’t be home from work until at least 6:00pm.

He decided he should check up on her tonight. Scarce text messages hadn’t been cutting it, and she hadn’t answered any of his phone calls recently. This wasn’t like her at all. He needed to hear from her in person. It wasn’t about wanting sex or her body, he wanted to be there for her in case something was terribly wrong. Y/N was an independent woman, headstrong and assertive. She wouldn’t boast or cry about her sorrows to anyone. Not even him. That’s why he needed to make sure she was okay. He needed this for peace of his own mind.

She was one of the most important people in his life after all. She took priority over a lot of other people in his life.

•

As evening falls over the LA coast, Keanu finds himself driving to Y/N’s apartment further into town. The tar black sky hadn’t finished its showery monsoon onto the city. Everywhere he looked, he saw colourful umbrellas sprawled about, peppering the town with specs of reds, yellows, some blues, some grays. Beads of water trickled down each of his car windows, slightly blurring the sight of the city folk continuing in on their day.

He couldn’t help but notice couples hand in hand, walking together under scattered umbrellas. It must be nice to share such a limited space with someone, such an intimate setting, shielding each other from the downpour.

Pulling into Y/N’s parking garage, Keanu paces up, into the elevator, an unopened bottle of Y/N’s favourite red in hand, wrapped in a brown paper bag. His black leather jacket is speckled with rain dewdrops, his hair a little damper than when he had left from his house. He hoped Y/N wouldn’t mind. He often found himself wondering if Y/N cared about how he looked. If she found him…attractive. Or something like that.

With a ring of the bell on her floor, he hears Y/N’s voice over the buzz of the apartment door.

“Who is it?” her soft, tuneful voice asks. It was so fucking nice to hear her voice after a week long hiatus.

“Hey, its me. Keanu.”

After a momentary pause, he hears a jingle of the lock, and the door opened to reveal Y/N. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun, and she’s dressed in a loose v neck shirt and some sleeping shorts. He can tell she hasn’t got a bra on underneath, not that he meant to look there.

“Hey, come in. Sorry, my place is kinda a mess and I look horrible. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” She shrugs, running a hand over the back of her head, closing the door behind him.

“It’s fine. You look nice.” Keanu assures her. “It’s Friday, thought we could leisure a little.” Keanu chuckles, holding up the bottle.

Keanu swore he saw a twinkle in her eyes, complemented by a curl of lips into a small smile on face. However, it dropped so slightly, her eyes falling a little. He swore he saw it, no matter how brief.

“Yeah, sounds like a great idea. Thanks for coming, Ke.” She offers him a smile, patting his bicep. After a slight contemplation, she nods her head and goes in for a hug. Keanu was her friend, and despite her feeling a bit weird lately about their relationship, she couldn’t deny the fact that she loved the care he showed for her. Why did he always have to be so god damn thoughtful? Why couldn’t they just be fuck buddies who just fuck? He probably didn’t think much of his nice gestures. He was just that much of a wonderful, compassionate, considerate gentleman. He did these things for everyone he knew. He treated everyone with this much love.

Keanu wrapped his spare arm around her, pulling her in close, and planting a kiss on her cheek. Y/N didn’t know how to feel about that. She did feel…something…when he did that. But she knew she needed to shake away those feelings. It was just sex. They were together for just sex. They’re not in a romantic relationship. She doesn’t come home to him everyday. She doesn’t get to wake up to him every morning. She doesn’t get the anniversary dinners or the casual nights in, enjoying each others company. This man wasn’t her boyfriend. He doesn’t feel that way for her.

Pulling away from him, she asserts herself. Tonight needs to establish, emphasize that their relationship is just physical. She’ll be sure of it. The second they start behaving in any way that normal friends with benefits don’t, she’ll draw the line. She’s sure of it.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll grab the bottle opener and a couple of glasses.” She smiles at him, before trailing into the kitchen, Keanu behind. He shrugs off his coat in the process.

“You been away lately. Everything okay?” he asks, setting himself down on a bar stool in her kitchen, resting his head on his hand leaning on the counter.

“Yeah. Just been taking up some extra projects.” She replies, avoiding eye contact, pouring the wine into two glasses for them.

“I was worried. You barely kept in touch. Thought something was wrong.” Keanu empathized. He made sure to let her know that she was on his mind. He hadn’t thought of it as “not a big deal.”

“All good. Only thing to worry about is this horrendous look I’m flaunting right now.” She laughed, gesturing down to her attire. Y/N usually tried her best to look good for Keanu, she wanted him to want her. Wanted him to think she looked good.

Sliding over the glass to Keanu, Y/N holds her glass in the air, gesturing a “cheers” before taking a sip.

“I’ll keep saying it, Y/N. You look good. You always look good, honey.” He smiled, making direct eye contact. There it was again. The thing he did to her. Y/N pauses for a moment, getting lost in his eyes. She shakes herself out of her trance, walking closer to him, setting her glass down. She needed to draw the line. This was the time for that.

She positions herself in font of him, grabbing hold of his collar. With lust in her eyes, she lowers her gaze.

“Do you wanna…” she starts her sentence, trailing off as she bites her lip, staring him right in the eyes. Keanu’s taken back, she normally isn’t this way, she never initiates sex out of the blue. Not when they’re just spending time together, like they do often.

But he couldn’t help the bulge that threatened to grow in his pants. Y/N was in just some booty shorts and a loose top, sans bra. Her breasts looked so firm, perfectly plump resting on her chest. Gosh, he loved those fucking breasts, loved the way they provided a safe haven for him to rest his head when he was on top of her, thrusting in and out, the way they practically melt in his touch. So warm, so inviting. Just like Y/N looked right now. 

“Y/N, we don’t have to, I’m here to just…yenno, check up. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. If you’re not in the mood, I’m okay. We can do it another time.” Keanu rambled, watching her every move as she began lowering her shirt off, exposing a bare shoulder. Her skin looked so dewy, so soft for the taking.

“No, I want to. It’s been a while, Keanu.” She mumbled, running her hands over his chest as he still rest on the bar stool, waiting for him to say yes, as she eyed his lips. “I want you.” She whispered, lips close to his ear, grazing over the thick skin.

She felt his hands plant themselves on her waist, as her hand cruised the inside of his thigh. She could see him growing harder, his pants tightening as she threatened to run her hand over his crotch.

“You know I can’t say no to you, darling.” Keanu murmured, attaching his lips to her jaw.

Y/N’s eyes went dark with the words that escaped his mouth. It had been a while. She missed the way he filled her up so fucking well, the way she’d be left sore and throbbing after he was finished, the way her thighs would stick together with what he left behind.

She was going to make him see the stars tonight; she was sure of it. She was his fuck buddy, and she was going to be the best at just that. Make him forget the world behind them.

Grabbing his hand off her hip, she guides it into the waistband of her pants, never breaking eye contact with him.

He had no idea 

what he was in for. 

>>Chapter 5>>

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[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

What do you think Napoleon would feel about the Le Pens? Like I know he’d hate their guts but the extent 👀

God fuck the Le Pens. I feel dirty thinking about them. (Though weirdly funny that Marine kicked her dad out of FN. Like you know you’re too deep down the rabbit hole of fuckery when Marine kicks you out. [and yeah, of course it’s all part of her image cleaning up gimmick. Wherein I’m sure she thinks the same as him, but is trying to “soften” the image of the party. And, based on the last election, it’s working. So that’s horrifying.]) All this to say: fuck the Le Pens; white supremacy etc. 

Anyway - assuming we’re still going for “Napoleon from 1815 woke up August 22, 2020″ base for our thought experiments here. 

Overall, yeah he’d think them short sighted, idiotic, and would probably have some elegant-yet-crude insults for them in Corsican. Let us take a brief, and not at all comprehensive, stroll down the Le Pens (and FN by default)’s terrible policies. Then I can scrub my brain out because they are absolutely foul people. 

behind a cut because it’s long. 

Economics: First off, Napoleon and I are the same in that we neither know anything about economics. He did not have a firm grasp on how the economy worked. Which I sympathise with, because it seems very fake and made up. 

Anyway, he did a lot of modernization, raised taxes, created a lot of public works programs to stimulate the economy and improve connectivity (gotta build all the roads and canals. Actually though, as a public infrastructure keener, I support this). He did lay the foundation for the centralized bank of France. (Something Biddle would get all hot and bothered over. Nothing sexier than centralized banks.)

Napoleon also introduced a whole loan system for businesses to try and keep them afloat and improve local industry. He was keen on protecting property rights, um, tried to regulate the currency to protect it against inflation. Idk, he did other things that I’m not going to get into. 

Comparing Napoleon’s hot economic takes from 1815 to 2020? A bit hard. So I’m going to guestimate on this. 

I think, once he understood how the world functions now, he would be pro-globalization and the various free trade agreements that are in place (CETA, PCAs etc). He might disagree with details therein, but the broad philosophy is one I think he’d support. 

I don’t know if he would be pro-single currency. I suspect he might be anti-the Euro, while still supporting the broad intents of the EU. 

He would support a strong public sector - so government controlled postal service, utilities, schools etc. In that, and the anti-Euro view, he would align with Marine, at least. Not sure about her POS father. 

No idea what his views on the Havana Charter would be. Probably mixed. 

EU: I’ve touched on this before, I think Napoleon would be pro-EU, over all. He’d just think France should be the hegemonic power. Why isn’t France making all the decisions? This is dumb. Who does Germany think they are? Etc. Therefore, he would disagree with the Le Pens who think the EU is the anti-christ and the cause of everything bad that ever happened in France (I exaggerate, but they do blame the EU for a lot of things so you know, it’s not that much of a stretch).

Immigration: This is where they would diverge significantly. Like apples and moldy toast kind of different. I’ve touched on Napoleon’s immigration policy before, so I’m not going to wade into it again. But yeah, needless to say Napoleon would be like “let everyone come. They want to come to France? They are French. More is better. The end.” 

The only thing is, he was very pro-assimilation. Not really into the “patchwork quilt” approach to the philosophy (and implementation) of multiculturalism. Which, to be fair, is a very modern view and not something I would expect anyone from 1815 to agree with, or consider a general good approach to dynamic, multicultural societies. 

But yeah, the Le Pens whole moratorium on immigration, hatred of anyone foreign, that would be an anathema to Napoleon. He would vehemently disagree with that stance. Napoleon believed alloys were stronger. You took different people, boiled them down, and melded them into a unified French identity. That was his Hot Take on the matter. Again, pro-assimilation, which is an inherently conservative stance by 21st century standards, but a very average stance by early 19th century standards. His immigration and citizenship views were overall liberal for the time. 

Indeed, the whole creation of a unified French identity was in its infancy during his life. He contributed heavily to it, but for his lifetime, identity was strongly linguistic and regional. You’re Gascon before you’re French, you’re Basque before you’re either French or Spanish, that sort of thing. 

And of course, his views on this were heavily informed by his own experience and identity as a Frenchman and how it was received, or not, by his own people, as well as other monarchs and countries. (Tsar Alexander liked to brag that he spoke better French than the Emperor of France. And I believe the Times once called Napoleon a “Mediterranean mongrel.” Charming. So, he had a fun and exciting adventure in European class, ethnic and racial politics of the early 19th century.)

Napoleon would also disagree with the Le Pens that citizenship and nationality are indivisible. He was into the whole “if you decide you are French then you are French, no matter which side of the Rhine you were born on”. 

Secularism: They’d actually probably mostly agree on this. In that religion has no part or place in government and there should be a clear and strong separation of church and state. 

The banning of religious clothing, though, I don’t think Napoleon would support that. I would argue that he’d think it infringed on personal rights too much, and he was keen on protecting those. Like, his policy towards integrating France’s Jewish population was to try and assimilate them, yes, because he viewed everything as being consumed by the monolith that was the French Empire. But he wasn’t like “no wearing a tallit or kippah.”

Abortion: Guys, Napoleon is a culturally Catholic man from 1815 who thought women’s crowing jewel were her children and that France really needed to increase its overall population. I think we can all figure out what his views on abortion would be. Marine is pro-legality of abortion, but she personally is like “it’s eViL and a serious MoRaL IsSuE” etc. 

Gay Rights: Napoleon’s whole political approach was to bring in the people on the margins and normalize them (assimilate; one of us, one of us) as a means to increase the base of the population who would support him. As he viewed marriage as a strictly secular, civil ceremony, and not a religious one, there could be a possibility of slowly talking him around to it. That said, he also viewed marriage as a declaration of intent to make many babies (for his army). I don’t think he’d be pro-queer couples adopting, no matter what. So, who knows. 

That said, he wasn’t like “lock up the gays”. And as gay marriage is established in France currently, I don’t know if he’d be pro-abolition since it’s mostly a popular/accepted law and he was all about that sweet, sweet public approval rating. 

So if he came around to it, it wouldn’t be for altruistic reasons. At the same time, he wouldn’t be like “make it illegal”. He was very “w/e just show up to work on time Cambaceres, jesus.” (Cambaceres: It’s midnight, sire. This isn’t normal work hours. Napoleon: SAYS WHO???) 

Women in Politics: Well he’s obviously 100% against that. Ladies belong at home with the bebes. Le Pens, obviously, aren’t. Though Jean, I think, is like Trump where he’s pro his daughter being in politics (until she chucked him out of FN), but he would expect his wife to be a Proper Housewife. That weird conservative man thing about the role of wives and daughters. 

-

There’s my fly-over guestimation of Napoleon v Le Pens

It’s very, very hard to figure out what Napoleon, a man born in 1769 and died in 1821, would think about politics, economics and society in 2020. I tried to gauged based on his broad, philosophical views and how he acted as ruler. But he was also someone who was very analytical and would be capable of understanding the world as it is today and the realities that are in place. He might find them off putting or bizarre (ladies as heads of states?? what about your children??) but he was an imminently pragmatic man who would look at a situation and go “alright, this is the reality of the system and society I am now in” and would adjust himself accordingly. 

In the end, trying to figure out how a man from 1815 would react to today’s politics is very difficult, if not outright impossible. His understanding of what liberal meant, what conservative meant, etc. were so different to our understanding that I would never place him in one camp. He had changing, dynamic views, and that would be reflected in his understanding of politics in 2020. 

Overall, I think he would disagree with a lot of the stances of the Le Pens. Would he hate them? No. Because Napoleon didn’t really hate people based on their political views. He saw too much of the Revolution to go for extreme personal reactions to political stances; also he was too much a pragmatist and understood that you never know who might be an ally in the future. 

Napoleon might look down on the Le Pens, he might find them personally disgusting, he might view them as stupid (honestly, he’d probably just think they’re dumb and quickly move on), but he wouldn’t hate them. 

-

Because this is tumblr, I must now declare my political stance because I was too calm in most of that assessment. 

1. Fuck the Le Pens & Front Nationale 

2. Nationalism is spooky and I am always suspect when it comes up in political discourse in the year of our lord 2020 

3. I am bi and non-binary, which isn’t actually a political stance (or a personality), but tumblr is Like That so I thought I’d include it. 

4. I support: lgbtq rights; trans rights; universal health care; easy and open access to education; improved access to education at primary school levels (because that’s a huge impact on people); ACAB; separation of church and state; prison reform/some form of abolishment - I’m still thinking through my views on this and how it should be approached; land back; Aboriginal and Treaty Rights; immigration; no more kids in cages jesus christ; don’t drink bleach; democracy is good, punch fascists etc. etc. 

[hardyimagines]

Split

DRABBBLEEEE

The room was loud, lively. Women wore smug smiles as they snagged a date from every corner of the room. They were all so pretty, dolled up with blush coated cheeks, painted lips, and colorful dresses. They were beaming, bright, having the night of their lives as they drank their liquor filled drinks.

You were stood at the back, eyes low as you studied the sticky floor beneath you. This party was meant to be a way for you to get over your ex-boyfriend, a way to distract yourself from him for at least a few hours. But all the surrounding blokes were too cocky for their own good. They wore lopsided grins and lust-tinted gazes. You were foolish to think that you’d be successful in finding a sweet gent to have a nice conversation with.

Two weeks ago you’d been curled up on the torn, tattered sofa in your den, droopy eyes fixated on the ticking clock in the corner. Reggie Kray was suppose to be home an hour ago for dinner. Normally it wasn’t that big of a deal, you knew work required him to stay for longer than usual sometimes. That was all good and well and not at all alarming. It only became a problem when he came home, stinking of cheap perfume.

Your accusations weren’t taken lightly, they were blown off. His exhaustion from the day and annoyance at being hounded the second you caught a whiff of the scent was enough to make his anger bubble to the surface.

He hadn’t ever yelled at you before. He really had no right to. You hadn’t shouted or screamed, you’d just asked a few quiet questions, soft, sweet, sad. He’d rolled his eyes and told you to stop with your prying. He’d worked for the entire day, soiled by turned over drinks, mocked by rival gangs. The last thing he wanted to do was come by your house and have you ask him if he’d been fooling around on you.

Needless to say, the argument had been completely unnecessary. All Reggie had to say was ‘no’, but instead he’d barked at you to grow up, to stop thinking childishly. Was it childish? You hadn’t thought so. Neither of you had seen one another since that night when he’d stormed out with so much as a reasoning for the smell. Was it really that hard for him to tell he loved you and he’d merely had a meeting or some of the sort? Why get so agitated over such a small question.

Your heart felt heavy as you sipped the glass of wine cradled in your palm. Your ring tinked quietly against the glass, shoulders slouched and demeanor not too inviting. No gent wanted to talk to the girl hovering in the corner, avoiding eye contact and conversation. You’d been approached by three men — none too handsome. They had greasy fingers, too eager to brush your arm. Sickening gazes. Annoying topics to talk about. You’d swiftly managed to escape each one of them, but now you found yourself glued to your current spot, waiting rather impatiently for someone to come and sweep you off your feet.

You heaved a loud sigh, a heavy sound that made any man looking in your direction divert their attention. Placing your glass down rather loudly on a nearby table, you weaved around the people dancing in front of you and headed for the exit. Your heels clacked noisily against the hardwood, nowhere near as loud as the music, but it was audible to you. You excused yourself when you bumped into people accidentally, soft eyes glued to the floor in front of you as you narrowly avoided toppling over now and then. The door was in view, not too far from reach, but you were halted before you could get out the doorway.

“Excuse me?” A rather light-sounding voice hit you like a truck, halting you from going any further. “Do mind my forwardness, but you look rather familiar.” He spoke again. You squinted toward the patterned glass that decorated the wooden door before you slowly turned around to face the man.

He was tall, not too bulky. He had blue eyes, blonde hair, a kind smile, but it looked too forced. You didn’t recognize him at first, he wasn’t exactly a familiar face. It was only when he brushed his thumb along his bottom lip and let out a quiet chuckle that it dawned on you who the bloke was. You took a small step back.

“I’m.. sorry, you must have me mistaken.” Your voice was breathy, swarming your faux apology. You twisted around to make a quick getaway, but he caught your hand in his own and swiftly tugged you back. You yanked firmly at your arm, shooting him a glare that told him what you wouldn’t verbally.

“I don’t think so. You’re the gal that runs around with the Kray’s.” He spoke lowly, voice growing deeper, harsher. “Reggie Kray’s girl, innit?” You stepped back. No.

“As a matter of fact, yes.” You brushed your hands off on the front of your green dress. He could practically hear your swallow.

“Yeah, Reggie’s a friend of mine.” He uttered gruffly. You knew that he was lying. Reggie spoke a lot about the men he disliked. Charlie was at the top of that list.

You distanced from the bloke again, doing your absolute best to create some space between his body and your own. You frowned evidently. “I’m sure I would’ve met you before if that was the case.” Your words made him sneer.

“So then you do know me?” He moved his hand to his pocket. His fingers sunk into the deep lining, fingers pinching the packet of cigarettes that he carried with him everywhere. He drew one of the sticks out and placed it between his lips. You weren’t given a chance to answer. Your eyes were raking the length of the room, searching for a way out of this conversation with the man in front of you. They moved along everyone’s happy, oblivious features, too drunk and careless to pay attention to you.

You opened your mouth to reply to the blonde, but before your words could leave your lips, the tall, handsome man that owned your heart slipped through the crowd. His hair was slicked down nicely, bow tie clasped to the neckline of his white button down. He looked so good. You were beyond surprised to see Reggie Kray attending the same party as you, but your relief outweighed your surprise.

He was moving toward you like a bull going toward the color red. His nostrils flared at the sight of Charlie. He was too close to you, entirely too close, it was a miracle he didn’t have a bullet between his eyes the second Reggie spotted him.

“Charlie.” Reggie’s voice, deep and smooth cut into the conversation. He was completely audible and comprehendible despite the loud music that played from the speaker in the corner. He looked to you momentarily, a squint to ensure that you were alright. No wounds, no discomfort, but he sensed the tension. “I don’t take kindly to you and your fucking lot speaking to my girl.” He stepped between the pair of you without a sliver of hesitation. You instinctively stepped back, but your small hand found the sleeve of his jacket, fisting in it gratefully as you stood behind him.

“Last I heard she was up for grabs.” The blonde chortled.

“Must be hearing some mighty fucking rumors, mate,” Reggie shoved his hands into his pockets, right hand circling his revolver. “she is off limits, it’s that fucking simple.”

The confrontation was all about you. You’d expected money, casino’s, clubs, men, but you’d never expected that they’d ever even mention a single thing about you — let alone argue about whether or not you were taken. Charlie squinted, challenging Reggie before he lifted his gaze to you.

“Last I heard, she ran out on you because you were fooling around with the redhead down the street. Can’t remember the girl’s name, but word travels fast, doesn’t it, Mr. Kray?” The bloke’s blue eyes glistened with hatred as he snorted in amusement. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again soon.” He tipped his head toward Reggie before looking then toward you. “And remember, if you ever do get lonely, Reggie knows where to find me.” He brushed his fingers through his hair, slicking it down more securely before he carried himself away from the two of you calmly. He didn’t care about you and if you were taken, he just cared about using you to get to Reggie and if it any time he found out that you were single — he’d use you to break the gangster.

You released Reggie, heart burning at the words that were spoken by the other man. Whether they were true or not, you didn’t know, but it still hurt you to even think about it. Taking a small step back in order to create some much needed space, you smoothed the front of your dress down.

“What are you doing here?” You asked without much thought. “This party is more for..”

“The Richardson’s, I know. I could be asking you the same fucking question, yeah, but I heard, and I heard quite quickly, that you were coming down here tonight..” He clenched his jaw visibly, as if trying to restrain himself from speaking any further. He didn’t want to say anything accidentally that would upset you. Being so angry, he was liable to spew hurtful words. But he bit his tongue.

“I didn’t come because I knew who’s party this was, I came because I got an invite from a sweet boy down the road. He’s been chatting up every other girl here though.. so I was just a target they brought to fill in empty space. The bloke’s here aren’t my type.. far too cocky, not so handsome.” You sighed heavily. “I don’t even want to be here.”

Reggie watched the way your sad eyes flickered around the room, seemingly searching for the quickest exit.

“I’ll take you home.” He offered quietly. There was no undertone of deceit in his words. He would just take you home and drop you off.. that was it. But you didn’t know if you wanted to go with him. You still hadn’t discussed the one thing between the two of you that seemed to be anchoring all your stress down. Had he cheated?

There was no time to sit and wonder if this was the right choice — going with him — you had to. You didn’t want to stick around at this crummy get together just to be hit on by men that hated Reginald Kray. His arm opened up and his fingers lightly grazed your elbow, guiding you gently through the sea of people. You stuck close to him, afraid that one of the surrounding blokes would jump you if given the chance. His touch was featherlight, delicate, tracing your soft skin for as long and as discreetly as he possibly could. The second the crowd opened up into a breath of fresh air, you broke away from him, ceasing his touch.

The night was silent, no wind, no birds, no nothing to fill in the quiet air. You wrapped your arms around yourself, providing more warmth than you’d had when your arms hung at your side. Pulling your lips in, you rubbed them together before counting the cracks in the sidewalk as the two of you began the journey to your home. Reggie was captivated by the stars in the sky, studying them and their various ranges of brightness. He narrowed his eyes in the slightest before looking toward you when you stumbled over a stump in the sidewalk. It was just a small trip, but he reached for your wrist to steady you nevertheless. He received a brief inspection before you pulled your arm back to yourself and continued forward. You had nothing to say to him. He was the one with explaining to do — and as if he’d read your mind, his lips parted.

“Can we talk?” His pink tongue slid over his lips. “Properly.” He added when he noted the snarky look on your face that told him you were about to bite back a sarcastic remark. You fixed your stare on the scattered twigs and fallen leaves, crushing them beneath the heel of your shoe as you walked.

“Talk.” You told him firmly. He stopped walking then.

“Look at me.” His words were demanding, but they weren’t harsh and angry, they were pleading, desperate. You followed his demand without even thinking about it. “Babe, I’m falling apart without you and it hasn’t even been that fucking long, has it?” His fingers lowered to his pocket so he too could draw out a cigarette and place the stick of cancer between his awaiting lips. You set your hands on your hips and watched him, head shaking in the slightest as he lit the end of the cigarette.

“You’re not. You’re fine. I don’t know.. what happened or why you’re behaving so strangely, Reggie. I asked you one question, the night we broke up, and it’s taken you until now to bring this up.” Your head shook in disbelief. You didn’t want to talk about this — you didn’t want to argue. You wanted to go home.

“I didn’t cheat.” He growled softly. “I don’t know why you think I did, pet, but you’re, apparently, not the only one. I, right, I was at the club all night, fucking tired and ready to go home to you and this group of people, they swarmed me, asking me for whereabouts of this and that and blah blah blah,” he took a lengthy drag from the cigarette before stepping toward you with a breathy exhale. “These girls, they pulled and yanked on me, right, trying to get me to go along with it and I told them, babe, that I was with you.” He drew his bottom lip in. “But I smelled like them, I knew I did, my jacket stunk of their perfume because of how handsy they got. They were working with the Richardson’s. They’re doing all they can to get you away from me and I’m doing all I can to prevent that and it’s really.. contradicting itself, innit. I mean..” He let out another sigh, this time a visible one as his hot breaths clashed with the cold air. “I don’t know why I couldn’t just tell you this the other night. I was just infuriated. I wanted to come home to kisses and affection and I guess I just lost my temper, Y/n, I’m sorry.” He stepped toward you again, not stopping until the tips of his toes skimmed yours. “I never wanted to lose you.. I never imagined ever doing so. I..” He really didn’t know what to say so instead of speaking, he just gazed down at you and said more with his eyes than his mouth ever could.

You nibbled your bottom lip, contemplating everything he’d said, considering each word carefully. Your hands lifted to the back of your neck, gripping it as you peered up at the handsome fellow. How had he made you forgive him in 15 seconds? Your stomach churned in warning, telling you that he very well could be lying. He’d had days to conjure up a story. But you didn’t care, you couldn’t think like that. Reggie was being honest, that’s what you told yourself. Truth or not, if you loved him, you were meant to believe him. You opened your arms slowly before wounding them around his waist.

“I’ll leave you if I find out your lying, Reggie..” You murmured out before laying your head against his broad chest. “I mean it, I can’t stand cheaters.” Reggie leaned in to press his lips against your head. He knew you hated unfaithful people, your mom had cheated on your dad.

“I know, right, that’s exactly why i promise you, I’d never even think about doing anything like that. I love you..” He swore, hand lifting to brush your tresses out of your eyes. “I mean that, I really do, and I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt you.” Your head bobbed along to his quiet confession, heart swelling because of the honesty that shimmered in his gaze. You leaned up on your tiptoes and gave him the most delicate kiss possible before you stepped around him and finished the short journey to your house. Reggie was quick to catch up, shoes noisily clacking against the cement as he skipped. He reached the door right as you unlocked it and the second you twisted around, he caught your lips for another kiss. The pair of you were instantly locked in the liplock, forgetting about the rest of the world as you did your best to prove to one another how sorry you were. You, for not trusting him, and him, for not being honest outright.

The city was back to its silent self. Apart from your little conversation and quiet smacking of your lips, the strests were once more drowned in silence. Trees were still. Leaves stuck to their spots on the ground. No cars were driving down the road, no humming from shopkeepers lights. The world was completely silent and it was the most peaceful thing in the world. Reggie and you probably would’ve enjoyed it had you not been enjoying each other just as much, if not more.

——————————————————————

Tagged: @peakblogbecauseimweak @bsotstory @mollybegger-blog @morphoportis @ghost-of-student-sufferings @drippydownes2002 @ellar21 @sovereigngoth @willowick13 @xxxxxeroxxxxx @wheresthewater @anrm1 @pansexualginger @marvelgirl7 @evilspretty-dead @heyitscam99 @wow-he-cute @haroldpain @justrepostandlove @sparklyreaderx @emerald-bijou @multireality @innerpaperexpertcloud @goodiesintheclosetlove @giftofdreams @ihclipse @meer0rauschen @inkedfandom @thatsamegirl @doct0rstrange @jakechillenhaal @shanty-lol @centerhabit @clevertheoristpainter @jamierdr @favouritereadings @badmaax @thephuonganh @wewillfindourwaythere @uhhhemilyrose @scarrasco1325 @matoki-darkpanda @bignastyfan-nz @97freaknik @hot-and-spiceyyy @azayamari @shane-isa-shame @chimthighz @azayamari @baliadelcuore @lonewolf471 @crldrr @keeleyella @captainbuckyboobear

[fourseance]

@littlemissordinary​

littlemissordinary​:

The last thing Mariah remembered before falling asleep that night was the slight scent of Deans cologne a tired grin fell onto her lips as Sam turned to look at her.

“Tired?”

She nodded rubbing her eyes as she laid across the backseat. Dean’s chuckling sounded oddly distant but she still enjoyed its sound.

“Get some rest babygirl you deserve it.”

Her green eyes drooped and either she wasn’t paying attention or she had already succumbed to the sweet release of exhaustion because Sam and Dean had said something and she didn’t quite catch it before she fell asleep. She had strange dreams that night. Dreams that, when she started awake a few hours later, harsh sunlight spilling in through the windows, flitted away quickly even when she tried to hold onto the echoes. She couldn’t remember what they had been about, only that they left her feeling hollow and confused. She pushed herself up slowly, blinking the sleep from her eyes. She was alone. Sam and Dean probably got out to stretch their legs, she thought with a soft sigh. She arched in a delicious stretch, rolling her shoulders and rubbing her face in her hands and climbed out of the car. Tired eyes glanced around at least briefly before she turned to see a gas station only a few steps away. Not a long walk but regardless she was thankful that they’d be able to rest up in the hotel for a few days. Soaking in the morning sun she sighed and once again glanced around A few high rise buildings in the distance, cars zipping through the streets not to far away. “Hm..” She rubbed her eyes, her voice scratching against her throat. Glancing over at the gas station she contemplated at least for the moment whether or not she should go in and grab her brothers but it was a quick decision as she knew it was better to stay put. Huffing gently she opened the back door once again before entering. Summer was on the breeze so needless to say the warmth of the car was starting to grow, peeling away her leather jacket Mariah placed it just underneath her head and curled back up under the blanket, she closed her eyes. However her sleep didn’t last long as a sudden rush of cool air swept over her. The feeling had goosebumps dotting her flesh and almost immediately the young woman sat up. Rubbing her arm to warm herself she wrapped the blanket around her frame adjusting just slightly but as she once again looked around she noticed ominous dark swirling clouds heading in her direction. What in the hell? All at once, the sky was torn apart by a flash of lightning that nearly had the younger Winchester screaming as the thunder roared around her. She sucked in a breath listening to the storm as it moved closer, lightning ripping through the sky. She screamed heart pounding now she backed up as far as she could. “What the fuck?” She glanced around watching as the lightning scattered across the sky. Struggling to control the panic rising in her, she tried to remember what she has been told about getting caught in a thunderstorm. The impala was the safest place right now. The roar of the thunder, the flashes of lightning. She had to force herself to not duck down and hide like a scared little child. There was a tremendous crack somewhere high above her and the car jolted as a fork of lightning struck the hood. She was fine, she was safe, she kept telling herself, the car conducts the electricity, but to her horror she noticed that the front was quickly becoming engulfed with flames. In desperation she wrenched the handle of the car door to get out but it jammed up. Heart in her throat, stomach doing flips, she realised that she was stuck. She took another breath in to calm down but found her heart pounding was making it hard to breath. She could feel the heat rising and she again looked for a way, any way out. The window! Reaching for the gun at her thigh she smiled but near immediately reminded herself she placed everything in the trunk and cursed she looked to the windows then, She took a breath and saw no other option, pounding on them she cried out for help. Hoping, begging, praying someone would hear her

@fourseance

his hands clenched to his siblings.  there was no other way, they had to trust five.  he, after all, was their brother and was an expert at time-traveling.  although klaus never felt uneasy on the matter of his future, he questioned if traveling back was the best, knowing that five had gotten lost before.  yet the other didn’t seem to question the fact that this was going on, all they knew was that the end of the world was facing them straight on and they had no other answer.  his hands grew sweaty as he couldn’t dry them off as five had already started the process of pulling them back.  they could do this, they could fix everything, they could help vanya.

he gazed back at five one more time before his eyes shut and everything went black.  klaus couldn’t describe the feeling he had when they were time-traveling but it was new and exciting.  this was what five felt all the time his mind curiously wondering if even the few minutes he traveled back were this exhilarating, yet he knew that five would never share true feeling about anything.

the world around him was black, there was no pain as the sound around him grew silent his clenched hands that held on to his siblings were spread out as he balled them up into a fist, he didn’t want to yell, but he knew if he had there would be no voice coming from him.  opening his eyes finally the area was dark still his body moving quickly but it was like he wasn’t moving at all.  he knew nothing about what was going on, yet he saw no one, not even five.

then came the piercing sound that drilled into his ears unsure of the end result and if this was normal, yet it seemed like something that could deafen a man.  his hands pushed against his ears trying to drown out the high pitch squealing yet it seemed to do no good as his body moved quicker and faster as it pushed him forward, the light emerged as klaus fell outwards, spinning down as he fell to the ground, falling on to his belly, his hands pressed against the cement, feeling the dirt underneath him.

he opened his eyes, seeing himself on the ground as he brought himself up quickly, seeing he was alone. biting down on his bottom lip, he took in his surroundings, questioning where the others were. “luther ?? alison ?? ” he let out, seeing neither of his siblings.  “five ?? “ he added one more. he was alone it seemed in a place he didn’t recognize.

he stood there lost, unsure of what to do and unsure if the others survived. suddenly klaus heard a loud scream, a cry out for help as he moved towards the loud sounds, turning the corner he saw the car, the flames, the voice was coming from inside. rushing over there klaus had no ideas what he could do as he saw the women inside calling out for her life.  rushing to the door, he tried opening the driver's side, yet the success was nothing.  he tried to speak to her trying to reassure her.

“ben !! ” he called out, realizing he wasn’t fully alone, “help her.” he spoke, his hands moving upwards revealing his palms as to the women in the car could see the car unlock as klaus yanked the door open, pulling her out as he dragged her feet away from he engulfed car. coughing he covered his mouth with his free hand as he pulled her to the grass.

[sciencelings-writes]

No One Mourns The Wicked

Trope: May’s Abusive Boyfriend @irondadbingo

Peter didn’t think that May’s new boyfriend was bad. At least at first. He was glad that May had places to go besides work and that when she talked about the guy she was dating, she’d have that dreamy look in her eye. She was happier after her dates and told Peter constantly about him while he talked about hanging out with Mr. Stark. They were happy with not being as alone, expanding their interests, not relying on only each other.

But the optimism didn’t last forever. Eventually, Peter had to meet the guy. Gabe was not the best looking dude but May wasn’t known for great taste and for judging people from the inside or whatever. Peter personally thought that May should aim higher than a balding guy with a beer belly but he didn’t say anything. May seemed to like him and he wasn’t too annoying to be around. He was kind of weird when he talked to Peter but so far he wasn’t that bad.

Well, he wasn’t that bad until he got evicted from his shitty apartment and May, being the nice person that she was, let him stay with them. With her being a nurse, she wasn’t there all the time and Peter was left alone with Gabe who swore he had a job even though he rarely left the apartment.

When May was away, Gabe was completely different. He looked at Peter with such a sour expression that he swore that the guy had injected himself with warheads and lemon juice. He had a very condescending tone whenever he needed something and due to Peters general ability to not say no to people due to being too nice, he tended to just do whatever Gabe wanted just to keep conflict from breaking out. Which meant he would fetch any trash he filled their fridge with and picked up after him whenever he was too lazy to do anything himself which was always.

Then every time May would come home, it was like a flick of the switch. Peter knew that May would believe him if he told her that he didn’t like Gabe but it wasn’t too bad yet and May seemed so happy. He could endure for her. But of course, Gabe figured out that Peter was a pushover and would do anything to keep his aunt happy so things got a lot worse. Gabe acted like Peter was practically a punching bag. Not that he would constantly beat him up but that he would shove him roughly as if he couldn’t feel any pain and Peter just tried to ignore it. Peter was spider-man so this was fine. He could be shoved by a six-foot man into the edge of the counter and the bruise wouldn’t even be that bad.

Pretty soon, May’s apartment didn’t feel as much like home. He would hang out at the tower whenever May had afternoon shifts when she had to leave Peter alone with Gabe. It got worse when Gabe insisted he give Peter a ride to school instead of taking the subway. They tried to have a normal conversation but it was weird and Peter wanted to run the whole time. Then Gabe got mad over nothing and yelled at him as they sat parked in front of the school. Peter had to quite literally fight him off to get out of the car. If there were fewer people there present, Peter was sure that Gabe would come out and fight him in the open. Thankfully, there would be too many witnesses if he did.

Peter avoided Gabe as much as he could and consequentially ended up avoiding May. He hung out with Tony and Ned more, doing homework with his friend and spending more time as Spider-Man just to be away from May’s boyfriend. Unsurprisingly, people started to notice.

Tony and Ned both knew that May had a boyfriend but that was practically it. Peter blamed his not wanting to be home on him not wanting to see May get all romantic with a dude even though it was much worse. May noticed when he was gone and forced him to stay home until she was off of work and Peter often left the apartment with bruises and cuts from broken bottles. Ned assumed that it was from spider-man-ing and Peter didn’t want to correct him.

Peter still managed to avoid Gabe when he went to hang out with Mr. Stark. At least when he was working with Tony, he wasn’t on the streets bringing up bad guys, making May worry. She enjoyed listening to Peter ramble about what he was working on, carefully avoiding information that would out him in front of Gabe. The conversation became shorter and shorter as Gabe looked angrier and angrier and May didn’t seem to notice how her boyfriend affected him.

Gabe only wanted to talk about himself. He seemed bored and impatient when anyone else talked about something that wasn’t him. May usually obliged and asked him questions which made him go off on a rant or a story making Peter wish that he was deaf.

Tony seemed to avoid snooping until there was evidence of May’s boyfriend being actually bad for Peter. Tony knew when Peter went on patrol and what injury he got when he was on patrol. It was routine for him to see everything that had happened and help him when something went wrong.

So, Tony knew when Peter got hurt. He also knew when Peter was trying to cover up an injury. He just didn’t expect to get so hurt when he wasn’t playing vigilante. Maybe like a burn from trying to make pasta but not a bruise shaped like a hand on his arm that was not recorded as happening on patrol. Peter had tried to cover it up with some of May’s concealer but the shade was too light and stood out like a sore thumb. It would’ve healed pretty quick which meant that the injury must have happened immediately before Peter had arrived at the tower and he must’ve panicked to hide it.

Tony, someone who was intimately aware of the effects of several forms of child abuse, may have internally freaked out when he made Peter wash off the makeup and show him the injury. Sure, bruises weren’t severe and no normal person could actually hurt the enhanced kid with their bare hands, but Tony turned out to be a chronic worrier and he hated it when Peter pretended that pain wasn’t a thing. Also, there was the whole thing of ‘someone hurt my kid’ that always tended to enrage him. He managed to shove the anger aside to carefully talk to the kid.

Peter, for the first time since they had met, was at a loss for words. Eventually through soft questioning, Tony was able to piece everything together. Peter hanging out at the tower more often became a obvious red flag that he had been blind to seeing. He had been so excited to hang out with the kid that he never thought about why he was so eager to not be at home.

His little different mannerisms started to make sense too. The kid had started to stutter more and when he did, he would just stop speaking until Tony told him to continue. Now he recognized that it was because he had been scrutinized for it and he was subconsciously trying to avoid any punishment by not talking. Peter was a little more shut down than he was before but thankfully, May’s boyfriend had not been fucking the kid up for very long.

Tony wanted to barge into May’s apartment and beat some sense into the guy but he knew that there was a much better way. A way that was true justice and not just him Captain America-ing it and beating the problem away with his fists.

Tony took a lot of pleasure when he planned it out. First, of course, he sent Peter to do homework and order food then let him spend the night at the tower while he planned out the quiet justice that would ruin this assholes life. Completely legally of course… After staying up all night, he had successfully turned his rage into a motivational fuel for an act of revenge that he couldn't wait to witness.

Peter knew that something was up. He was anything but an idiot. He knew that Mr. Stark was up to something. His mentor obviously hadn’t slept and had a manic smile on his face the next morning while he gave Peter a fifty to get himself breakfast and told him if he didn’t eat, Tony would visit him at school and scold him in front of everyone. Peter didn’t think that was so bad.

Peter continued to try and balance trying not to be around Gabe but to hang out with May as much as he could, which was kind of impossible as Gabe tried to be around Peter’s aunt as much as physically possible. The moments that he had to be with Gabe alone were compacted with insults towards him and a sprinkling of physical abuse that made Tony’s blood boil through the camera bot he had planted on Peter before he left.

Tony collected evidence all week. He found as much dirt on this Gabe Ugliano. It turns out that the guy had a history of shit like this. He lured poor women in with money that he scammed out of people and he was like if Howard Stark was part blobfish and had a less expensive taste in alcohol. Needless to say, Tony had made the decision to not be completely anonymous in this revenge. He wanted to see the look in the man's ugly eyes as everything crumbled around him.

Tony started out small. Encrypted blackmail. He wanted to freak the guy out before he tore everything down. He wanted Gabe to feel the constant paranoia that the man had inflicted upon Peter when he was too afraid to be in his own home. The emails would disappear before Gabe could report it and he was too stupid to screenshot them. He also didn’t seem too keen to involve the police anyway as he did have a record.

Tony did it for him. Plenty of footage and proof was sent to the NYPD and Tony just happened to be in the area when shit went down. He had arranged for Pepper to take May out for a girls night and according to Karen, Peter was spider-man-ing closer to Brooklyn. Neither of them would be in danger just in case Gabe turned out to be crazier than Tony had expected.

Gabe was pretty hammered at the time so Tony was glad that Peter was out of the way. Gabe tried to throw a glass at the policemen and was promptly subdued and handcuffed. It was simple. But Tony wasn’t done. He had sent evidence of all of Gabe's shit. If the man was lucky, he’d only be in prison for… thirty years? Thirty-five? There were definitely enough potential charges to build up to a substantial punishment. Of course, after that, his life would still be ruined and he would likely die poor and alone.

This was Tony being nice and borderline legal. This was Tony holding back. If Tony had less self-control, well, he wouldn’t be called a hero. Gabe would be much more afraid. But it wasn’t Gabe's fear that Tony wanted or the revenge. Tony just wanted his kid to be safe.

The police car holding the drunk asshole was left alone as per his request. The back window was only open enough to speak clearly through it. Tony strolled up to it and it took a moment for Gabe to even notice that he was there. Tony took a moment to enjoy the thought of the man looking like an obese rat that had drowned itself in beer. Tony knocked on the glass to catch Gabe’s attention.

“Rough night huh,” Tony casually leaned against the police car.

“Wha-” Gabe seemed to realize who he was, “Yer the guy thas been stealin my kid!” His voice was slurred due to being drunk off his ass. Tony had no idea what May had seen in the guy, maybe he was more believable sober.  

“Your kid? Now that’s a good joke. You have quite the possessive problem, huh.”

“It doesn matter… I didn want him…  ‘es been passed down through every parent he has. I’d say he killed ‘em but I don’t think ‘es smart enough!” Gabe let out a cackle that could only be compared to a pirate that had all of his teeth knocked out for being an asshole. Tony was considering doing just that. Fortunately, he kept his cool.

“He doesn’t deserve you… hell, he doesn’t deserve me. That kid, My kid, is one of the smartest people I have ever met and twice as compassionate as anyone I have ever encountered. He was too kind to you. I’m not so nice. I got enough dirt on you to be treated like a murderer. When you get out of the pit, I’m going to kick you back down and you’ll never be able to live without becoming a hopeless beggar. You won’t be able to afford to treat your heart disease or liver failure and you will wish that you were never born with the pain you will have to endure each day. No one will be charitable to such a scumbag.” Tony said in a tone that was much too cheerful for the words that came out of it.

While Gabe was gaping like a fish, Tony got a call. The caller ID said that is was from May.

“Hey May, are you having fun with my fiance?” Tony smiled and gave Gabe a cold stare while he spoke.

“I have been informed that you got my boyfriend arrested… It’s a shame you got there first. I was planning on getting him accidentally run over by a car… at least after what Peter told me…” Tony honestly couldn’t tell if she was joking. “Thank you, Tony. It’s too bad that you have more self-control than I do. No one hurts my kid.”

“Our kid.” Tony corrected in a joking tone even though he wasn’t completely joking. He was really attached to the kid.

“Well, you’re not wrong. I didn’t even notice how bad this was…”

“People like him are very good at manipulating people. And Peter is very good at trying to do the whole lone wolf, teenager thing. It’s not your fault.” Tony promised.

“Are you still near Gabe? I want to send him a message.” May said in a poisonously sweet tone.

“Of course.” Tony put his phone on speaker and the voice of May Parker sounding angrier than Tony have ever heard her echoed out from the device. Her roar reminded Tony of a lioness and if this was directed at him, he would honestly be afraid.

“If I ever so much as see you again, I promise that these seven-inch metal stilettos that Pepper just bought me will go so far up your dick that you’ll be pissing silver for the rest of your miserable life.” Tony winced just at the imagery.  

“Well, that was… graphic… I would avoid her if I were you but where’s the fun in that.” Tony shrugged.

“I am thoroughly traumatized.” a familiar young voice said from behind him. Peter, in normal clothes, even though he had been in the spider-suit only minutes earlier.

“Hey kid, wanna go get some pizza?”

“I literally can’t say no to pizza.” Tony smiled as he led Peter away from the scene with an arm over his shoulder. “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice a drone with a camera attached to my backpack?”

Tony just laughed, and it was over much more simply than they thought it would be. Over pizza, they discussed the option of talking about their feelings because it was something that should probably be done eventually. They moved on to talk about the new star wars movie instead. And everything was fine or at least going to be that way.

[krreader]

EXO reacting to you and your teenage child fighting.

pairing: exo x reader fandom: exo warnings: language ; mentions of sex genre: crack ; angst ; mentions of smut

a/n: you don’t know how happy you made me for requesting something exo related, so I really hope you like it!!!!

ask box | masterlists | faq | twitter | ko-fi | youtube (coming soon - I hope lol)

kim minseok

The day had started out so well. He and you had sex this morning, then he had taken his youngest children out to the playground, had come home to the best lunch from the best wife in the world, had spent the evening with former members and then come home to.. well.. this.

“You're just angry because you know you're not attractive anymore! You know that I'm prettier than you and that makes you upset!”

You stared at her with your mouth open, then you started laughing. Wholeheartedly.

“You seriously think I'm jealous of you? Sweetheart, I don't think you realize how proud I am that you’re this beautiful..-”

Not the response your daughter had expected. She was looking for a fight, apparently.

And well, Minseok was on your side here. He didn't think this would have to end in a fight.

“Your mother is right. We really are proud of you for being so beautiful, but..-” and then he decided that it was time for payback. Because nobody talks to his wife like that, not even his oldest daughter, “I do have to say that it's always incredible to see your mother's face when she has an orgasm. Makes me think there is nothing more beautiful than that..”

And even though he was looking at you and you at him, you could both hear your daughter gagging and then running upstairs.

“Childhood trauma, sweetheart,” you said, however, a small smile on your face.

“She deserves that one, though.”

kim junmyeon

What do you do when your child suddenly yells at your wife, the mother of said child? Do you punish the child? Do you try to laugh about it? Do you comfort your wife first?

Junmyeon tried to figure all of that out as it happened, the words of his son still echoing in his ear.

“You're the worst person on this fucking planet, mom!”

A glance in your direction told him you were upset, but also angry. A glance in his son's direction told him he was ready to continue if he wasn’t stopped.

So Junmyeon decided to get you and him away from each other for now.

“Youngjae, go up to your room right now and no, there will be no discussion about it. You and I will talk later. Alone,” he waited for him to get up and leave, his eyes following him every step of the way. Then he turned his head back to you and grabbed your hands, “And you.. don't try to take it to heart, alright? He's a teenager now. He doesn't mean it, he just can't control what he's saying anymore.”

“We didn't raise him to be an asshole, Jun,” you shook your head, “I'm more disappointed in myself than in him.”

“Don't be.. please. I promise that it's just a phase. Give it a few weeks, maybe a month or two, but he'll be normal again soon.”

He better be.

zhang yixing

“Dad! Say something!”

That was the first thing Yixing heard when he walked into his house. He couldn't even take off his shoes before his daughter dragged him into the living room where he found you standing with crossed arms.

“What's going on?”

“She's having a bad day,” you said with a sigh, “Your father won't have a different opinion than me. You're too young to go on that trip.”

“Well, you were nineteen when dad got you pregnant, so what's your excuse, huh?! Being a slut?!”

You wanted to yell at her for that, but your husband just wrapped an arm around your shoulder and kissed your temple.

“Her excuse is that she looked so fucking hot that I had no other choice but to fuck her against the hood of my car.”

Mic fucking drop.

Needless to say, she did not go on that trip, because she stopped arguing after that sentence.

She didn't want to talk to either one of you for a little while now.

byun baekhyun

“I could call you every ten minutes so you know I'm not drunk or high,” your son tried to argue.

You were sitting in bed, nonchalantly skipping through the pages of your magazine, while your husband was waking out of the bathroom.

“What's this about?”

“He wants to get high with his friends.”

“No! Fucking hell, mom, you're not even listening to me! Are you stupid or did dad fuck out your brain cells?!”

He didn't think about his words properly. He should have.

He expected a scolding, but instead, his father did something much more worse.

“I don't know, I think a few of them are still in there,” he pursued his lips and then looked at you, “What do you think, (Y/N)? Should I fuck them out as well?”

“Please do..-”

And when Baekhyun crawled on top of you, that was the moment his son sprinted out of the house and decided to stay at a friend's place tonight.

No way he'd listen to his parents have sex.

kim jongdae

“Don't you think I'm old enough to decide for myself when I start dating, mom?!” your daughter followed you downstairs, quickly looking at her father and her baby sister sitting on the floor and playing something she was too old for.

“You're fourteen. He's nineteen. Not only is the age gap too big, but it's also illegal.”

“You're so fucking stiff, mom. It's so obvious that you're not having enough sex.”

Jongdae turned his head from his little daughter to his older one, then again to you, before both you and him started laughing.

“It's funny you say, that..-” you sat down on the couch and grinned at her, “Because I'm pregnant again. Not the way I wanted you to find out but while we’re at it..”

“Stop shitting me, you two are too old to have another baby.”

“Actually, we were too young when we had you,” Jongdae said, a smug look on his face, “So now that we're older, we figured we might as well have a few more. So congratulations. You'll be a big sister again!”

Probably not what she wanted to hear today by the way she stormed off, but you and your husband couldn't care less.

park chanyeol

He came home late that night, had been out with his former members.

But when he walked upstairs, he found his son sitting in front of your shared bedroom, his head hanging low in shame.

“What the hell are you doing?” he laughed, thinking he might be drunk and couldn’t go to his room.

“I.. I fucked up, dad.”

It was the nature of a parent to worry instantly. So Chanyeol crouched down in front of him and started inspecting his face for wounds, but his son gently pushed his hands away.

“What happened?”

“Well,” he didn't want to tell his father, but he knew he would have to, “I had.. a girl over. It's not serious, we're just.. messing around with each other. And mom came in with the laundry and found us and.. I don't know, I just started screaming at her to get out and I said a bunch of mean things and.. god, I didn't want to, okay? I just panicked.”

And then his worry for his son shifted to worry for his wife. He immediately got up from the floor and knocked twice, before he carefully entered his bedroom.

He found you lying in your bed, the blankets up to your chin.

And when he laid down behind you and pulled you against him, his heart shattered with the way you started sobbing.

Not what he had hoped to come home to.

do kyungsoo

You had both tried your hardest to have a normal conversation with your daughter, but while you tried to keep your voices low, she just continued screaming.

Until she suddenly said: “I wish you weren't my mother!”

And that wasn't fair. Because it wasn't just you who was not letting her go to that party, it was your husband as well. But it seems like whenever something like this happened, she went off at you. You were always the bad guy.

Only that this time, she crossed a line that made you get up and leave the room.

Your daughter was breathing heavily, slowly regretting her words, but only fully understanding what she had done when she looked at her father.

“I've never been more disappointed in you, you know that?” he got up with a heavy sigh, “This woman sacrificed everything when she found out she was pregnant. She knew I wouldn't be there a lot, so she gave up her career to take care of you. And this is how you repay her?”

“Dad, I didn't..-”

“Zip it. I don't want to hear it,” he buried his hands in the pockets of his pants and walked past her, “Go to that stupid party if you want to. But leave your mother alone for now,” and with that, he walked up the stairs to comfort you.

She didn't go. 

Instead, she made dinner that night and breakfast the next morning, hoping she would calm the situation down a little..

kim jongin

It happened over dinner.

Your son had been in a bad mood all night long and neither you, nor Jongin knew the reason behind it. But throughout your seventeen years of being a mother you realized one thing: sometimes it's just better to let them be before they snap.

But while you and your husband knew that, your youngest daughter didn't. She just wanted to play with her oldest brother, so she kept poking him, hoping he would do it back like he usually did.

But instead he started yelling: “Will you fucking stop?! I swear to god, all women in this household are fucking stupid. You're just like mom.”

“Oooookay, that's the moment I leave,” your other son, only two years younger than your oldest got up and picked a crying younger sister up to carry her upstairs, “Come on. Let them talk it out. You and I can play with each other.. how about a tea party, hm?” he tried to soothe her as he walked away.

“What did you just say?” Jongin asked, his voice incredibly low. So much that your son had to gulp.

“I.. I didn't mean to snap, I was just..-”

“This is about me?” you narrowed your eyes at him, “What did I do?”

“You didn't want to let me go to that party last night. And.. and they said everyone was there. Everyone but me.”

“Because the last time we let you go to a party, you came back piss drunk, despite us giving you the one and only rule not to drink!” Jongin threw his napkin on the table. Angrily so, “You will apologize to your mother first, then to your sister. Then you will go upstairs and stay in your room until I come and talk to you alone. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” he said, not wanting to anger his father any further.

And once your son had said he was sorry and went upstairs, you turned your head to Jongin and said: “It's probably bad timing, but.. you just made me really horny.”

Needless to say, his son had to wait a little longer.

oh sehun

Yeah, he was a little overwhelmed.

He has never seen his daughter and you fight like this, so when he stood in the living room and found you two screaming at each other, he looked a little out of place.

“It's been going on for an hour now,” his son, and also the twin of the one screaming at his mother right now, said, a spoon in his mouth and a bowl full of ice cream in his hand.

“And you apparently made good use of that, hm?” Sehun raised his eyebrows at the amount of ice cream that he was eating so close to dinner time, but his son just shrugged with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Anyways, I'll be upstairs and play some Overwatch if you need me, I don't really want to deal with this today. Join me if you want, I'll leave some ice cream for you.”

At first Sehun really thought about whether or not he should intervene, but it seemed like you handled it all rather well. You always were the one with the pants in this relationship after all.

So what he did was go upstairs, eat ice cream with his son and play Overwatch with him until you two were finished with the screaming match downstairs.

[flyswhumpcenter]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you may have sent me requests according to this marvelous card!

We've always been fucked up because nature is, in fact, a dirty little bitch who enjoys itself with abnormalities. She gets amused by giving birth to men in women's bodies or does the opposite, sometimes.

This story absolutely isn't for the faint of heart. It openly and severely deals with gender dysphoria. It may be phrased with my usual dose of purple prose bullshit sparkles, but that's kind of it. It's still raw. Needless to say it's based on personal experience. Also, hahaha, guess who got stuck with his stupid ideas. I don't even remember why I picked "Forced Out of the Closet" back in August. I think I was planning on making this an original work thing, but it ended up never panning because I switched fully into fandom mood shortly thereafter. I'm pretty sure I was saying that about my first card back in April for "Panic Attack", no? Well, it ended up becoming this thing. I don’t know what to make of it yet.

It's a really weird note to end my 2nd BTHB card on. Until now, compared to the first card, I've been much more focused on physical pain. This has none of it and only 2nd POV narration and angst. I originally started it in a 3rd person POV, but it didn't work out and I thought it'd be worse if I wrote it in a 2nd person POV. It is. It's vivid and it's painful. I love it. Again, thanks to my Writing Crew for the support despite me being an edgy-ass bitch. I guess yiu can also call us the Derek Suffering Crew?

The title of this was what I wanted to give to the sixth chapter of Earth Never Stops, but it ended up not really ringing right with that chapter in particular. I feel like it fits here much better. And of course we gotta go with a rewritten Angie because, y'know. Canon Angie is canon Angie...

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Like Honey in a Cup of Acid

Summary: You may have explanations to give to your assistant now that she's discovered something wasn't exactly normal, Derek. (You may also like not to do so because you want to forget).

Fandom: Trauma Center Relationship: Pre-rel DerAng

Wordcount: 2K words

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo​ (Thank you so much for having me for a second time!)

AO3 version available here.

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A sort of weight immediately hits you when Angie asks you if you can have a little talk now that your thoughts aren’t just a painkiller-induced mishmash of words and incoherent thoughts with neither head nor tail. She looks concerned and perplexed, puzzled even, her eyes never truly looking into yours. Almost as if, for once, the fierce and daring Angie is intimidated by something about you. Sounds farfetched, right?

Well, there could be a number of reasons. You did almost just die on her a couple days ago and surely you can’t look much better than your own patients at the moment. You know, the usual: pale face, dark rings under the eyes that look like trenches, reddened eyes… She could just be very concerned for you like Kimishima has told you before when checking if you were still amongst the living.

 When you finally have the “little talk”, it’s in your hospital room, with you still bedridden and her on a chair to your left, next to the IV drip still inserted into your wrist, her hands pinching her skirt or clutching a notepad against her chest when she holds it. You’re not sure if there’s something even written on the thing, wondering if it isn’t just her way to cope with stress and whatever is making her anxious. Her fingers are shaking and the hair on her exposed forearms is risen. How come she’s so terrified? Do you really look this awful?

“What did you want to tell me about, Angie?” You ask, in a gentle tone, making sure you aren’t forcing on your throat so you don’t worry her even more. The tense silence in the room and the lack of noise in the later hours of the evening helps your low voice to be heard.

“I… Huh… Well, it’s just that… I was curious!”

“Curious? About what?”

 Angie looks away, red creeping on her cheeks, breath hitching in her throat. She gulps, shakes her head, takes a deep breath in, another out, and finally, looking at the ground, starts speaking again.

“When Dr Kimishima started the operation I…” She hides her face in her hands, her notepad and pen clicking against the ground. “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing, but I haven’t stopped thinking about it since your operation!” Well, this sure is going to be a dirty secret, as Tyler would have said. “But, when she started the operation, I noticed something on your chest, and…”

Your heart skips a beat. You forgot about that, haven’t you? You forgot she’d notice such a thing, didn’t you? Alas, it’s a bit too late to pretend like she didn’t see what she must have seen. Kyriaki nor Paraskevi are known to leave stains on one’s skin, they aren’t Tetarti.

“What did you see?” You ask, feigning ignorance.

“Ah… I don’t know how to describe them well… But they were two weirdly shaped scars around your pectoral muscles. They kind of looked like –”

“—crescents, right?”

“Yeah!”

 Angie picks her notepad back into her hands, avoiding eye contact, much to his satisfaction. You really, really don’t want to have this conversation, this awful, rotten conversation you’ve had a couple times already. If it’s never ended too badly, even with your own mother, you still don’t want to live through it again. Alas, did you really think you’d escape it forever, especially with someone you hold so close to your heart (and in more ways than one too)? You’d have had to tell her one day anyway, so better get on with it, right?

Wrong. Your hands are trembling and your throat is tied into a knot. You don’t want to utter these forsaken words. You want that part of you to remain a secret from the entire world. But, alas, you also don’t want to lie to your trusted nurse, to your best friend during surgery procedures. In any case, she’d eventually guessed you lied to her, so popping the bubble off now or later is kind of the same. But, even with that knowledge in mind…  It doesn’t make what’s about to happen any less dreadful.

 Derek?

What if she isn’t as accepting as she seems? What if she stares at you right in the eyes like a freak, like a circus monster, like a broken doll that was badly stringed back together, like something that shouldn’t be, like, like…

Huh… Derek?

And, hey, what if she thinks you’re not fit for you job because of this? You’re technically experiencing a state of distressed triggered by the littlest things. It’s about faraway childhood memories, whenever you see a father with his biological child, when someone mentions a monthly event you’d have rather never known… Hey, what if that happened during an operation?

Dereeeeek? Are you still here?

You can’t ignore the existential dread coursing through your veins. You know, the one that happens when you remember that your father never called you by your right name, what was written on your birth certificate, what they called you in high school, how you look on all the pictures your mom won’t set fire to like you wish you could do… Yeah, that dread. That toxic, lava-like dread.

Hey, Derek, what’s wrong?!

 Her urgent tone makes you snap back to reality. She’s staring at you with big, full of concern eyes, her hands on your shoulder, gently shaking it.

“Ah, sorry, I… must have zoned out. Sorry for worrying you, Angie…?”

“Are you alright? You’ve got tears in your eyes…”

You realize you have to look dumb and weird, so you take your glasses off and rub the water away.

“What were you saying, then?”

“Ah, huh… I was talking about the scars you had on your chest… I’ve never seen such specific shapes before. So…” Her hands tangle together. “I was curious, that’s it. Feel free not to reply, if it throws you in such a state of distress…”

“No, it’s… It’s fine. It’s just… difficult to explain.”

 Your voice breaks when you try to push the words out of your tangled throat. You aren’t ready for this. You’ve not found your way out of there yet. You’ve been pushed into a corner and the only way out is to find the right words at the right time while not knowing how she’ll react. Maybe she’ll really think you’re the error of nature you are, you whose brain and body weren’t able to match, you whose chromosomes and spirit never agreed before your birth, you who has had to fight your way out of the mess your own biology threw you into before you were even born.

Her fingers are cold against your feverish skin, against the goose-bumps that your medical gown doesn’t hide well. You’ve made it this far only for your world to perhaps crumble again and the existential dread appears again. What if she never accepts you again? What if she calls you “Mr Stiles” again, starts staring at you with an amused glare? What if this supportive glance she gives you and the kind words she’s offered since you got over your differences disappeared as soon as she knew? Why is it that you always have to throw a shot in the dark when the truth of your story comes back to bite you?

You need to trust in Angie, don’t you? She’s been kind of your guardian angel until now, would she give up on you for this? Do you believe so little in her for that to happen? Aren’t you too harsh on her, aren’t you getting too caught up in your own web?

 “I… got them from a surgery I had in med school. As far as I know, only Tyler and a couple other people are aware I have them.”

“From what kind of surgery?”

Here it comes. The nausea’s already here, twisting your stomach, squeezing your heart as it increases in pulse, choking your throat shut. If you weren’t in this bed, surely your head would spin.

“…Top surgery.”

Angie seems fairly confused, until her eyes snap open, glimmering in realization.

“You mean, like a mammectomy?”

“…Yes.”

Your voice almost fails you again. You feel tears you want to dry again burning your retinae, blurring your vision and the candid face of the nurse who’s just realized what you really were. You fucking liar.

“For…”

“Part of gender dysphoria treatment,” you reply trying to pretend to be an encyclopaedia, to be the internet pages you read in your teenage years when puberty got confusing and warped into a lucid nightmare.

“Oh my God…”

 Angie’s face distorts in what you can only qualify as distress, horror or disgust. She tries looking at you, fixating on your bandaged chest, her gaze struggling to even meet with your face. You wish you could pat her head, tell her it’s fine, that she didn’t know, that you’re sorry for being that and not telling her before, that she’s right to feel betrayed if that’s the case; but your hands are numb and dirty, covered in acid and black mud, and you can’t dirty her like that because you, yourself, are a special kind of a biological and anatomical failure. She’s a collection doll, you’re a broken toy.

“I’m sorry, Derek, I’m… I… I shouldn’t be like that!” She stumbles on her own words. “You’ve just told me such an important thing and I… I…”

“It’s fine…” You try to sound reassuring, but the truth is that you’re still shaking, terrified and apprehensive.

“I should’ve known! It’s such a sensitive topic, I… God, Angie, you need to pull yourself together and stop being so noisy!”

He clutches her hand at last.

“It’s fine, really. I’m… at least glad I could tell you by myself…”

That’s not entirely wrong. You just wish you didn’t feel backed into such an uncomfortable corner. It’s not her fault, of course, she was just concerned for an abnormal thing about you… A lot of you is abnormal, after all.

 “I’m still me, though.” He wants to assert that with that shaky voice of his. “It’s just something I don’t like… talking about, per say.

Angie takes a deep breath and focuses back into a state of stability.

“Of course you’re still you, Derek. You’re still the surgeon who saved the world from GUILT. I would never stop thinking that. You’ve always been Derek to me, why would that change now?”

The warm smile he gives her make the hair on his skin calm down, little by little. It’ll be okay, eventually.

“I’m just… so sorry I forced you to confess like that.”

“I’d have had to tell you anyway, one day, I suppose…”

“You didn’t have to. At least, not this early…”

“It’s fine anyway. I forgive you.”

“Thanks…”

 For the first time since she’s entered the room, you can exhale with a relieved heart and a normal pulse, profit from the rainbow that shows up after the rain. The dread is still there, hiding like a snake in your stomach, ready to bite into your throat at any moment of vulnerability you show in front of it; but, now, you have a new ally to help through the storms.

“Just promise me you’ll never tell anyone, okay?”

“I never planned on having that secret exit this room. Not even the walls of Caduceus will know about it!”

You chuckle.

“I like your spirit.”

 You want to thank her again, but it feels like overkill, and you want to have the snake finally resting, asleep in the pit of your abdomen. For now, a serene silence is enough. It’s more than enough after all this trouble, all the turmoil and all of the acid rain that drenched the both of you…

There’s no need to worry anymore when you have nothing left to hide and no one but a guardian next to you; so relax, now. It’ll all be fine, from now on, now that the lead prison around your chest is gone…

[darisu-chan]

Through Your Eyes

Here I got y’all a treat for Ichigo’s birthday. A day late but what else is new.

You can also read it here.

Please enjoy!

Summary: “You really don’t see how you two look at each other?”

It was a typical day with his friends. That is to say that it wasn’t typical. Not at all. In fact, it was pandemonium. His human friends weren’t all that normal to begin with ─ and not only because half of them had some type of supernatural power he hadn’t yet grasped how they came to get, but since he, himself, was a weird combination of several beings that weren’t supposed to exist, long ago he had decided to drop the subject ─ but paired up with his Shinigami friends, it was as if an asteroid had collided straight into a house party filled with drunk, drugged and hormonal teenagers shooting fireworks up from their asses. Wow. Studying literature had truly made him more hyperbolic.

In reality, what was happening was that word got out in Soul Society that Ichigo had just turned twenty (he blamed Renji for that one), which meant that he had reached the official legal drinking age, aka he was old enough now to get plastered with the lot of them. Not that Rangiku-san hadn’t tried to get him drunk at some point. He still remembered that roughly a few days after turning eighteen, the older woman had spiked his otherwise non-assuming tea with sake. One sip and his face had become flustered as he stuttered and yelled bloody murder. The others thought it was funny. Ichigo was sure the situation would have escalated hadn’t it been for a very pissed off Toshirou who had crashed their little reunion with the express intent of collecting his lieutenant. The whole place froze over faster than on the coldest of winter days.

But, now, Ichigo wasn’t protected by neither the country’s rules and regulations nor Toshirou’s aid. (“Well it seems you’re finally an adult, Kurosaki. Take care of Matsumoto for me.” The young captain had told him briefly after congratulating him for his birthday. Ichigo didn’t have the heart to point out he had been an adult for two years already, and that he had always looked older than Toshirou himself, even when he was only fifteen.) Rangiku, sanctioned by the Captain Commander, had taken advantage of this and had dragged her drunk buddies plus Rukia to Karakura, where she had basically trespassed into his room. The rambunctious group had asked him for the best bar in town. Ichigo had no idea where that could be and here’s where he made the first mistake of the night.

He called Mizuiro.

His friend was older than him by about two months, and had been hitting the bars ever since. It’s the best way to meet ladies, he had explained. Though Ichigo was pretty sure he had been drinking since before his twentieth birthday. Now, though, Mizuiro, to his credit, did recommend them a nice place. It certainly didn’t look as shady as the places the Shinigami tended to frequent. The problem in itself was that after giving him directions to get to the place, he had added a cryptic “See you in 20.” And truth to his word, twenty minutes later, Mizuiro was at the bar… with the whole gang.

There was Keigo, who frankly already looked tipsy, Chad, as silent and calm as always, Tatsuki, who had just turned twenty as well two days before, Inoue and Ishida. Now, most of his friends were already twenty, except for Inoue and Ishida, who were the youngest ones, and weren’t going to be twenty for a few more months. That didn’t seem to matter to Mizuiro or the owners of the bar. Not that his friends were drinking alcohol or anything. Ishida was sipping what looked like a grey earl and Inoue was happy with her glass of lemonade. Tatsuki and Chad seemed happy with their beer pint. And Keigo and Mizuiro had gone all out, ordering two bottles of sake before they even could arrive. Rangiku-san’s eyes sparkled after noticing this fact and declared Mizuiro was the best human in the world. The other Shinigami cheered in return and from then on things took a wild turn.

First of all, even though Keigo had had his eyes on Rangiku-san ever since he saw her about five years before, the flirty woman seemed enraptured in whatever tale Mizuiro was spinning. His friend was still very much attracted to older women, and who better than a woman that was more than a hundred years old and that didn’t look a day past twenty five. That, of course, made Keigo insanely unhappy and had started to retell his woes to Hisagi-san, who was also not fairing any better at seeing a mere human flirt with the girl he had been after for decades. Needless to say, after a couple of sake shots, the two of them soon burst into tears and drunkenly sang their laments out loud. On the other side of the table, Ikkaku had become hell-bent on getting Chad drunk. He still couldn’t believe the gentle giant hadn’t once been drunk in his entire life, an outstanding feat for someone who got hammered almost daily right after work. He had, then, dared Chad to drink shot after shot of sake in the hopes he’d get more than a little tipsy. Tatsuki immediately jumped at the chance to defend her friend, her competitive streak appearing as she claimed Chad would never lose. This spiked Renji’s interest, who immediately backed Ikkaku up on his dare. As for Yumichika, although he had declared early on that betting on alcohol was ugly, he still seemed pretty interested in the outcome. And so it began the worst competition ever, in which the rest managed to get wasted before the challenger could even complete his shots. Even Inoue and Ishida, who legally weren’t allowed to drink anything, had somehow gotten roped into the whole affair. He had certainly never heard Ishida laugh so loud ever. Inoue was also a sleepy drunk, who had ended up snoring on top of Chad, who, by some miracle, was still very much sober and still doing all of his shots.

Talk about a fucking nightmare.

The only thing that could have made this any worse was if, somehow, Kenpachi and Grimmjow crashed the place, wanting to fight him then and there now that he was a grown ass man. Or Byakuya suddenly appearing, claiming he stepped on his pride one way or another.

Thankfully, none of that happened, but his friends were embarrassing enough for him to dutifully brood in the only hidden corner of the table, nursing his half-full pint of beer. There was no way he would get drunk. The only other sober, and dare he say it, sane person in the table was Rukia. She had taken a couple of sips of sake, but despite her small stature, she had a high tolerance for alcohol. “That’s what happens when you grow up in Inuzuri.” She had once told him, smiling even when the memories must have been painful to her. Currently, the small Shinigami seemed more amused than she should’ve been at watching the mess their friends had created.

“Your friends are so lively.” She suddenly said, in that annoying voice of hers.

Ichigo snorted. “I’d use another word for them.” He answered and waited a few seconds until his mind processed the whole phrase. “Hey! Whaddaya mean my friends?! They’re yours too!”

Rukia just laughed at his accusation. “I suppose they are. Although they definitely didn’t go all out for my birthday.”

Of course they didn’t.

Byakuya would kill them all if they somehow got his precious sister drunk.

Besides, they preferred messing with him for whatever reason. Rukia had once told him it was because he was easy to annoy. Ironically, her comment had annoyed him. Not like he would ever tell her that, anyway. It would only rile her up, and give her more reasons to pester him.

Scooting closer to her, Ichigo took a sip of his drink and then turned to look at her. “Next year, let’s do something fun.”

She raised an elegant eyebrow at that. “For my birthday or yours?”

He made a show of considering it for a moment, before simply answering, “Both.”

Rukia laughed at that, the sound tingling in his ears. Somehow, even with the loud music blasting from the speakers and their friends’ boisterous laughter, he had heard her clearly, as if the only people in the world were Rukia and he.

“Greedy.” She muttered as a reply.

“How’s that greedy? I’d say it’s rather generous.”

“How so? Isn’t that just an excuse to party twice?”

Ichigo shook his head, amused. “It wouldn’t be a party. Just the two of us.”

That got her attention. Rukia looked down, as her fingers fidgeted in her lap, and then right back at him. She bit her lip, as if contemplating something. Then her eyes darkened as she smiled coyly at him. “Oh? So you want me all to yourself, Kurosaki-kun~?” She said playfully, barely containing her own laughter.

“Tch.” He grumbled. What a tease. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“What did you mean, then?” She was unwilling to let all this matter go, not that Ichigo would give her the satisfaction of falling into her obvious trap.

“Well, it’s just you don’t really like parties that much, and to be honest they’re not my scene either.” He replied, gesturing at their table and the shenanigans their mutual friends were currently engaging in. Most were singing, very badly might he add, a birthday song for him.

Rukia giggled. “I suppose you’re right.”

“’sides, we hardly spend time with each other… just the two of us…like old times…”

Ever since the end of the Quincy War, there had been long periods of time in which he had hardly seen Rukia. And, make no mistake, Ichigo got it. He knew they were all busy picking up the pieces of their destroyed world, and trying to put it back together. In many ways, they were putting themselves back together. The horrors they had all gone through were enough to traumatize even the most seasoned warriors. He had tried to help as best as he could, but there were many things he had to take care of himself, back home. With high school ending and his college life starting, and Rukia pretty much becoming the whole leader of her squad, there was not much time left to just hang out together. And he missed that. He missed their adventures or just casually being able to sit next to her. He loved all of his friends, sure, but there was something special about his relationship with Rukia, and nothing else could ever compare to it.

Sensing his distress, Rukia leaned closer. She searched for something deep within him, and when she found it, she breathed intently. “So you really want me all to yourself?” She said the words so lowly he couldn’t have heard her with all the noise around them, but he had.

“Maybe…”

He left his words hanging as he stared right into her eyes. Under the bar’s lighting, they seemed to glow and burn. It might have been his imagination, but Ichigo could have sworn she had gotten closer. From this position, her hair tickled his jaw in a way which made him shiver. Their breaths mingled together and the temperature in the room skyrocketed. He was suddenly very aware of his heart beating ferociously as he noticed Rukia licking her pink lips. He imitated the gesture, and it was then it dawned on him that, if he moved down just a little bit, they would kiss. The thought wasn’t as frightening as he would have thought it to be. Had this been four years before, he would have pulled away immediately, denying what he was feeling in his very core. But Ichigo was no longer a boy. He was now a grown man, and he couldn’t ignore the magnetic pull he felt where Rukia was involved. He saw her close her eyes and he followed suit, the connection between them not breaking even once. He leaned down and he felt her breaths come faster and then slower. He was so close he could already feel her softness and the taste of her─

“Kurosaki-kun!” Inoue shouted from the other side of the table, swaying side by side on her seat, her right armed wrapped around Ishida, her left on Chad. “Sing with us!” She exclaimed.

The spell broken, Ichigo sat up straighter, but didn’t move far from Rukia. “No, absolutely not!” He refused his friend, praying they were far too long to see how red his cheeks looked. Next to him, Rukia also straightened.

“Too afraid to sing, Kurosaki?” Ishida taunted him, even though nobody could have taken him seriously, giving the fact his shirt was stained and his glasses were in disarray.

“Shut up.” Ichigo retorted without much bite.

Renji cackled. “He knows he can’t win against us!”

“Let’s show him!” Ikkaku exclaimed.

Next thing they knew, they were all singing again, except for Chad, who remained impassive, Keigo, who had long since passed out, and Mizuiro, who was recording the whole affair. Ichigo would have liked to feel mad at them, but he knew he couldn’t. At the end of the day, no matter how embarrassing they all were, his friends wanted to see him happy. That’s why they were celebrating his birthday to begin with. Next to him, Rukia chuckled at them and her laughter was contagious. Soon he joined in, followed by the whole table, his friends erupting in laughter all around him, even Chad cracked a smile.

To no one’s surprise, they were soon asked to leave the place when their impromptu singing competition got too out of hand. The chore of extracting their drunk friends and getting them home safely fell to them. Thankfully, Urahara had let the Shinigami crash in his store. The man had probably had a hand in orchestrating the party to begin with, so Ichigo had no qualms in dumping five wasted death gods at his doorstep. They were his problem now.

Now the problem was that they had to get his human friends to their respective homes.

“I’ll get Inoue and Arizawa home.” Rukia told them.

“You sure?” Ichigo asked her, feeling worried.

“It’s no problem. I’ve got this.” Behind her, Inoue and Tatsuki were giggling as they held each other. It seemed like a pain, but perhaps Rukia was already used to dealing with drunk people on a daily basis.

“Alright. Chad and I’ll get the rest home.”

With that said, they separated, Rukia gently pushing the girls in the direction of Inoue’s apartment, Chad carrying Keigo in his arms, while Ichigo put Ishida’s arm around his shoulder and helped him walk. The journey was mostly silent except for Mizuiro typing on his phone and Ishida saying nonsense.

“Oi! How come you’re not that drunk?” He turned to his friend.

“Hmm?” Mizuiro muttered, blinking away from his phone. “I don’t get drunk that easily. I just pretend to be wasted so that the others keep drinking too.”

Ichigo got goosebumps after listening to those words. “Man, you’re scary.”

The young man only smirked at him. “Well, my apartment’s that way. See ya.”

“Hey! You’re not gonna let Keigo crash with you?!”

“Nope. Happy birthday, Ichigo!”

Happy birthday his ass.

Groaning, he nodded to Chad and they decided to continue forward, in the direction of Ishida’s place. Thankfully, nothing remarkable happened on the way, except for his friend tripping once or twice. Using the spare keys Ishida had given him at one point, (“In case you mess up and need my help,” as he had told him) they went in and left the former Quincy sleeping on his bed. Sighing, he turned to look at Keigo, whom Chad was still carrying. Only one more.

The two friends resumed walking, this time towards where Keigo lived. Ichigo thought it wouldn’t be any different to all the other times he had walked beside Chad. There was always an amiable silence engulfing them, one Ichigo rejoiced in as his life was often more chaotic than not. Chad brought him this peace, not only because he was a quiet person himself, but because he understood all the disturbances Ichigo faced day by day. This time, however, Chad was the one to speak first.

“You really don’t see it, huh?” He wondered out loud, his voice resounding in the empty street.

“Don’t see what?” Ichigo asked, thinking that there was danger looming all around them.

“You really don’t see how you two look at each other?” Chad tried again, this time looking at Ichigo.

Bewildered, he blinked once, then twice. “Huh?” He said at last. “Who do you mean?”

“Kuchiki and you.”

“Oh.”

Silence was present once again, as Ichigo mulled over his thoughts.

“I’ve been observing you two for years.” Chad said, not pausing to let his friend speak. “At first, I was intrigued by your relationship with her. You’re not the type to open up to people in such a short amount of time, then again, you act different when it comes to her. You don’t treat her like you treat Arizawa or Inoue, or even your sisters. And then, when we went to Soul Society to save her, I think I finally understood.”

That made the two stop walking. Ichigo did not know what to say. He couldn’t deny what Chad was saying, because all of it was true. Yet, he didn’t know where he was going with this. What was it he wasn’t seeing?

“Through the years, I’ve wondered if you were aware of how you look at her when you think no one’s watching. Your eyes acquire this softness, as if she’s the most precious thing in the world. You’re soft with her. You smile tenderly at her only. Your eyes just light up when she’s next to you. Even when you fight, you end up looking at her in that same way.”

Chad’s words flustered him. He hadn’t thought he had been that obvious. No one had pointed it out before. His other friends could have used this knowledge as an opportunity to pester him, to embarrass him and admit things he didn’t wish to, and yet, they still hadn’t said a thing. Even his father had remained silent on this matter. Only now Chad was confronting him. For whatever purpose, Ichigo didn’t know, but he felt as if he needed to explain himself.

“I…”

“And you don’t even notice she looks at you in the same way.”

Ichigo stopped dead on his tracks and looked at Chad, wide eyed.

“Kuchiki’s more difficult to read, but I can see it. She’s just like you. Hard around the edges, but soft and tender on the inside. You bring out that tenderness. She looks at you as if she’s seeing the sun for the first time after a long winter. You can see how proud she is of you by how her lips curl up in a smile when she’s watching you. Even when she’s annoyed at you, the fire gives way to warmth. It’s like ice melting. And it only happens when she looks at you.”

He felt like he had stopped breathing, his throat drying. Was that how it was? He had never noticed, too preoccupied with looking at her, just taking in her overall presence, that he had forgotten to actually look at all the little details. Ichigo had never been the most observant, as his friends could attest, but now even he felt like an idiot for missing something as momentous as this. For how long had this been going on? Another part of himself, the darkest, most self-deprecating part, wanted to argue that this couldn’t possibly be true. That Rukia would never look at him in a special way. Surely, he would have seen it.

“But Ren─”

“It still amazes me how neither of you has noticed.” Chad interrupted him before continuing down that path. “All of us know.”

“What?!”

“Possibly even most of the Shinigami you’ve met.”

That left him gaping.

“While you two are clueless… Well, maybe not so clueless anymore.” Chad said as he scratched his beard. “You almost kissed tonight after all.”

Ichigo’s cheeks somehow grew redder. “You saw that, huh?”

“It was impossible not to see. I was sitting right in front of you.”

His words made him feel sheepish. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ve been waiting for some progress all these years.”

He sputtered. “Chad!” He yelped, feeling beyond embarrassed.

“Ichigo.” Chad called him, now growing serious.

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t said anything because I thought you’d sort it out eventually, but this has been going on for far too long and it’s bordering on being absurd.”

Ichigo laughed at that. Way to put it bluntly.

“I just… I’m scared, y’know? That it won’t work out. That it’s not what Rukia wants…”

“Believe me, she wants it. And after everything you’ve gone through together, I think it’ll work.”

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Good, now go home.” Chad said, motioning towards the direction of his house.

“Wait, what? Don’t you want me to go with you?”

“No. I can handle this.” The man said. “And Kuchiki is nearing your house, you should probably go to her.”

Ichigo sighed, finally relaxing. “I’ll go then.”

His friend grunted, returning to his silent self, and continued walking with Keigo in his arms, still blissfully unaware of everything that had happened.

“Oh, and Chad?”

The man turned around.

“Thanks for the pep talk.”

“No problem.”

Waving Chad goodbye, Ichigo walked on the opposite direction, when he started running. He didn’t know why but feeling Rukia’s reiatsu flowing so close to him, spurred him on to go to her as fast as he could. He found her halfway, eyes widening at seeing his disheveled state.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, standing close to him, possibly to inspect his body for potential injuries. It was in that moment that he saw exactly what Chad had told him before.

He shook his head, laughing a little. “Yeah… I was just in a rush to get home.”

Rukia chuckled, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. They never lost their warmth.

“Then we should go.”

“Yeah. We should.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a full minute, an inexplicable message passing between them. Satisfied, they pulled away and started walking back home, their hands brushing with each step they took.

“Happy birthday, Ichigo.” Rukia suddenly told him, bumping her shoulder with his.

“Thanks, Rukia.” He answered, his hand reaching to grab hers. She didn’t pull away.

With their fingers entwined, they finally went home.

[devnny]

CHAPTER FIVE.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

godDAMN this chapter is long... 5k words of emotions and long-winded talking from one sad, sad maniac

Devi growled at the canvas in front of her, bitter that the eyes of her newest subject look an awful lot like the eyes of the wretched man that had filled her thoughts with venom the past week or so. She devoted her time since their fight to some personal pieces, with Sickness’s little outburst at the forefront of her worries, but it brought her little comfort to vent her frustration through painting. The idea of ripping Johnny’s head clean off of his shoulders was much more appealing, even if that urge might be from some hideous demon trying to coerce her into becoming then city’s next mass murderer.

She brought a finger up to the tacky paint on her canvas, and pressed her nail harshly into her subject’s eye, scraping the pupil away with one forceful drag downwards. The acrylic caking under her nail was not as satisfying as she had hoped, and Devi made her way to the kitchen sink to wash her hands.

As time passed between her petrifying new encounter with Johnny and the present, she hoped that her white-hot revulsion for his very being would have settled some, but it hadn’t. Her rage persisted, mostly because she was hideously mad that she felt genuine disappointment about his sudden switch. She felt like such an ugly fool for even halfway believing his lies; all his spout about loyalty – he had nothing of the sort! It just added to the mountain of evidence that told her she should always listen to her intuition when it came to these things.

But that changed nothing about the fact that Johnny needed to be managed, especially now that he was upset again. There was no way he was using the creative centers of his brainmeats for anything productive, so the possibility that he was decaying rapidly was very high.

Devi sighed and turned the water off. Tenna was coming over to force her to eat food tonight, so that would be as good a time as any to talk out her options and decide what the Hell she was going to do about Johnny.

-

DINNER:

Tenna waved her fork at Devi while she spoke, little bits of Korean barbeque flicking out of her mouth as she did.

“So have you officially called off this Johnny business, then?”

“No.” Devi sighed, poking at her dinner with little interest.

“And why not?” Tenna asked with a skeptical look. Devi sighed again.

“I just… can’t. I don’t see another option for this. Well, besides murder I mean.” She flipped the same piece of meat over for the fifth time. “And I’m not going to murder him, no matter how badly I’d love to dig my fingers into the sides of his head and rip his fucking face off.”

Tenna reared back to laugh at the image, only to choke and sputter rice everywhere.

“HAK—HAK! Ah, it is funny.” She wiped her eyes. “He’s lucky you’re not as ‘sick’ as he is.”

“Yes.” Devi glowered down at nothing. “He is.”

“Aww, don’t be all murder-y and mad, Devi! You beat his ass, again! That feels good, right?”

“I wish that I’d punching him in the nose like before, then maybe I’d feel better.” Her lip twitched at her lie. Her hands still felt shaky remembering the pure adrenaline pumping through her when she realized he was attacking her – it was a horrible, buzzy feeling, and it made her stomach upset to know she was afraid of him then, even if she was too pumped up to realize it at the time. It only reminded her of how badly shaken she was the first time she escaped death at his hands, and being victimized like that pissed her off more than anything.

“DAMN him!” Devi tossed her fork down with bared teeth. “I bet he’s sitting around, thinking of ways to piss me off. Plotting the next way he’s gunna FUCK WITH ME!”

-

ELSEWHERE:

Johnny laid across his couch, as he had for days now, more forlorn than he had been in a very long time. The frenzied sobbing and screams of self-loathing and self-pity had died the night he returned home from Devi’s; all he could manage as it was now was sprawling pathetically on his belly and wishing he was dead.

He could not believe how fucking stupid he was. How could he have tried to attack Devi, the one who had so kindly removed him of his literal demons, simply because his pride was hurt by her words. If he could go back, Johnny would let her rip his ego apart – he would sit and listen to any violent words she had for him and feel his worth burn away and crumble into nothingness, because if the words were coming from her, he most certainly deserved them. He definitely felt strongly that he did now, after betraying her compassion as he did. Again.

His arms contorted around his head so his fingers could scrape at the back of his skull as another bitter tear fought its way out of his eye. He could hardly believe he had any water left in him. The tear wormed its way down the hook of Johnny’s nose, stilling for just a moment on its pointed end before dripping onto the worn fabric of the sofa.

“Oh, Devi.” Johnny muttered pitifully, and twisted his head further into his bicep.

“It pains me to see you like this Johnny, but your pain is not without meaning. Let it course through you, feel the passions of heartache!” Reverend Meat spoke as he appeared suddenly on a side table. Johnny snarled bitterly.

“The is NOTHING passionate about this pain!” He retorted with all the emotion left in him. “I am hollowed again – my cavernous chest whistles with ghoulish EMPTINESS! You idiot, if your plan was to fill me with any wanton feelings and superfluous desire, you have failed utterly! I’ve never been more motivated to carve out any humanity I have left and live as a needless husk forever.”

As that breath left him, Johnny felt his body wheeze flat, like a deflating balloon, and he allowed his woefulness to consume him again. He laid unmoving in his anguish, taking no satisfaction in Meat’s silence after his outburst. Meat did not seem bothered.

-

DEVI’S APARTMENT:

Tenna had taken up eating most of Devi’s food after finishing her own, and chewed away while she watched her friend walk around her apartment grumbling and thinking aloud.

“Why do I have to be stuck with this fucking… God dammit…!” Devi mumbled sporadically. Tenna frowned, her friend’s sanity again a notable concern.

“Ughhh, I fucking hate this!” Devi’s voice pitched up suddenly, only to tapper off into groaning again. “I don’t even want to see him. I hate him so much right now.”

“You don’t have to—” Tenna started, but stopped when Devi turned to look at her with a mixture of annoyance and despair.

“Tenna, you know I have to. I have to persevere with this stupid… thing.” She snorted a sigh through her nose. “I think I can still… I don’t know. Control him? I let my guard down, something I should never do. I can’t let myself get comfortable – this is work.”

“You do know that you, in fact, work too much, right?”

“Don’t start.” Devi pointed at her. “And if it makes you any happier, after Johnny’s ‘better’ I’ll be working a perfectly normal amount.”

“Yay!” Tenna grinned. “How long will that take, you think?”

Devi’s eyes darkened at the abysmal concept of time. With as many setbacks as she had had thus far, it could be months and months before Johnny might have a decent grasp on his sanity, and even then, he’s so incompetent that she might need to keep checking in on him long after that. Years, even.

“That’s not a good face.” Tenna commented, and Devi grunted at the floor again.

“A WHILE.” Devi answered finally, before stalking to the kitchen to get the wireless receiver for her house phone. She preferred her headset, usually, but right now gripping something in her fist was all that she could do to keep her anger from exploding out of her in curse words and banshee screams. Devi returned to the couch to sit in a bitter slouch.

“I think…” She hesitated. “I think I’m going to… call him.”

The women exchanged uneasy glances, both aware of what happened the last time Devi placed a phone call to the C. residence. Neither had the gall to say as much, though. With only an uncomfortable stare as response from her companion, Devi turned her attention back to the phone and punched in the number that she hated to admit she had memorized.

--

MEANWHILE:

Johnny had not moved beyond adjusting his laying position from his stomach onto his side. He stared apathetically at the unplugged television set on the opposite wall, listening to the creaking of his dilapidated house and any sounds outside as a source of audio for the static he was imagining on the screen. Or maybe his vision was getting spotty, he wasn’t sure.

Emotions were so exhausting to deal with, and while he hadn’t slept in months, bawling his lungs out always made him more tired than anything else could. Johnny had fought the urge to let his body completely rest since he’d collapsed on the couch days ago, but it seemed like he was finally loosing that internal battle. Sleep was consuming his body whole; from his torso all the way out to the ends of his fingers, his worthless machine felt tired, tired, tired.

A few slow blinks eased his mind closer to unconsciousness, but just as his eyelids settled closed, an abrupt Ringgg! stirred his brain back to life. The exhaustion he felt just a second prior drained out of him like gunky water as he realized the sound he was hearing was his telephone.

Johnny sat up and stared at where the phone sat on the other side of the room, and through his surprise managed to chastise himself for having even an inkling of hope that it might be her. Why on Earth would she call him? No, there was just no possible way that it would be Devi.

As he crossed the room, he convinced himself that the wobbling feeling in his legs was a result of not standing for a long time, and not nervousness. The phone seemed impatient, its shrill chiming coming off as more aggressive the longer that Johnny did not answer the call. He stood, heels together, watching the receiver rattle on its perch with growing anxiety.

Despite his quick dismissals over the identity of the caller being Devi, he could not imagine who else would be calling him. And to add to that, if it really was Devi, did he have anything he could say that could remedy the massive divide between them that he had only served to widen with his careless behavior? He doubted so.

Still, he picked up the phone and held it to his ear.

“…Hello?”

Johnny could not see the relief on the caller’s face that his ‘hello’ was not followed by a gunshot and screaming.

“…Hi.” Devi spoke finally. Johnny’s eyes grew large as her voice reached him, and his throat closed up from dread. Whatever she had to say to him, he had little doubt that it was anything less than malicious, and he couldn’t bear to hear her say that she never wanted to see him again, or to go jump off a bridge – he might actually do just that, in fact, if she told him to. But his fear restrained him from speaking or hanging up, leaving him the only option of standing there wordlessly.

Devi scowled the longer the silence stretched on.

“Are you there, Johnny?” She gnashed, and Johnny’s spine straightened from the impatience in her voice that only thinly covered the anger hiding beneath it.

“Yes.” He replied quickly, then allowed the call to go quiet again. He could hear a sigh growl out from Devi’s throat.

“Listen,” Devi kept her anger at a simmer. “I am going to give you one fucking chance to talk to me about what… happened. Are you willing to do that?”

Johnny sucked in a breath. He was in disbelief – could he really be so fortunate as to be offered such an opportunity? He never had such luck!

“Y-Yes!” He exclaimed. “Yes, I, I would like to do that very much.”

“Good.” Devi wanted to keep this short, lest she explode.

“I am going to be… at the convenience store, near Dragon’s Books. You remember the one?” She asked, and Johnny hurriedly affirmed. She hesitated a moment, doubting whether she had the stomach to do this, but reassured herself for the umpteenth time that she did. “Oh-kay. I will be there at 9:00PM. Do not be late.”

She said it like it was more of a threat than a request, but Johnny didn’t care. Through his immense fear he was elated – Devi still wanted to meet with him! Even if it might just be a rouse to lure him out so she could beat him to death in an alley, he would eagerly go.

“I’ll… see you there!” Johnny nearly gasped. Devi’s lip curled bitterly.

“…Yeah. I’ll see you there.” She parroted back to him, then hung up.

The dial tone finalized the deal for both of them. Each looked to their respective clocks, and winced that 9:00PM was only two short hours away.

--

8:45PM:

Devi crushed another handful of chips between her teeth, demanding that her body emit the kind of grim energy that repelled weaker-willed humans away from her in uneasy terror. Her back pushed discontentedly against the bricked wall of the Grab n’ Go, where she stood in the shadow that its fluorescent sign cast against the corner of the building.

She ignored any anxiety that she felt from the idea of seeing Johnny again, and focused instead on feeding her vindictive anger – if she was mad, than she couldn’t be afraid, pure and simple. And he wasn’t something to be scared of if she was expecting him to do something stupid and violent, anyway. He wouldn’t catch her lowering her guard again, that was for sure.

The coughing of a neglected engine caught her attention, and she watched a small grey car turn into the parking lot, its round headlights scanning across the ashfalt like a pair of shifting eyes. Devi frowned, vaguely recognizing it as Johnny’s car. The vehicle stopped abruptly, as if it noticed her, then quickly turned into the parking space at the very end of the store’s front, the spot closest to her. As the headlights died, Devi’s suspicions were confirmed. Johnny’s blackened figure stared back at her a moment with a mixture of longing and hesitation, before he began fumbling with his car door.

Johnny stepped out and clicked his door shut, then turned to the woman on the curb glaring at him. All he could do was stand there lamely.

Maybe saying that he would ‘eagerly’ meet her was a step without forethought. While he was certainly eager, he was also immensely frightened of her and her ability to remove herself from his life if he said the wrong thing – and he wasn’t exactly known for saying the right thing.

He intertwined his fingers behind his back, then thought better of it, not wanting Devi to think he was hiding a weapon, and moved his hands back to his sides, choosing to pick at the fraying seams of his pants to calm him instead. Johnny reminded himself that it was Devi that had suggested this encounter, and tried to ride that wave of assurance, along with all the courage that he could muster, as he walked to meet her. He stopped a few feet in front of her and waited a moment before speaking.

“Hello, Devi.”

Devi didn’t reply, and only continued glaring at him. Her eyes fell to the pavement, tired of looking at him, and focused on the cracks that spread underneath her boots instead. Johnny shrunk slightly, but tried to take some solace in the fact that she hadn’t screamed at him. He stepped around to her side, and leaned up against the wall with her, leaving a respectable distance between them. After a tense few moments, Devi could no longer keep herself from saying something.

“I can’t believe you fucking did that.” Devi fumed quietly. Johnny sunk his head low into his collar, too afraid to reply.

The silence persisted after her comment, and Johnny could only guess what she was thinking. He had been so excited to see her again, but he also knew that Devi’s desire to see him was self-preservative in nature. His life posed an immediate risk to her own, so of course she would want to see him, want to know what he’s doing. He desperately wanted to say something to ease her concerns, anything that could garner some of her trust back, but he knew that whatever he said would come off as superficial and empty to Devi’s jagged and hard-to-impress nature. Not that he could blame her, he would surely think the same.

Idly, Johnny dragged the side his boot on the sidewalk, letting the faint sound of scratching metal lull him into his mind. It wasn’t exactly the safest place to be, but he needed to think over his words carefully for such a delicate situation. Words like “sorry” and “regret” and “remorse” all sounded so pathetically small in the face of his violent actions, and would likely only anger his companion further.

Devi’s breath seemed more labored suddenly, and Johnny stopped his movements, fearful that he was aggravating her by making any sound at all. He hesitantly lifted his gaze up to her face, and was relieved that she was looking at a far-off dumpster instead of pointing her icy eyes at him. Even if they weren’t directed at him, Johnny couldn’t help staring at her green irises, having to strain with all his might to see their color in the shadowed area of the parking lot.

He watched her pupils narrow and twitch in response to the thoughts in her head, and the strength that flickered in them made his chest tighten. While he couldn’t boast that he ever knew exactly what she was thinking even when they were friends, he had loved seeing the attitude that swirled in her bright eyes. Whether it was a level of annoyance, or anger, or excitement, or mischievousness, it never mattered; the fire behind that glint was always the same, and it always made him feel the same, too. Even now, when the white-hot anger cradled inside them was reserved for him, he could only feel adoration.

Johnny dropped his focus to his shoes again with a painfully quiet sigh. Devi was always full of such beautiful, vibrant life, and he couldn’t believe that he would be so selfish as to try and extinguish it not once, but twice. With that thought, his mind wandered to the memories of their half-wonderful, half-horrible date, and his heart squeezed and expanded with the intense emotion that he had failed so miserably at removing from his body.

As he navigated all of the feelings he recalled from that time, his thoughts began pouring from his mouth absentmindedly.

“The… morning after our failed outing…” He murmured, gathering Devi’s attention without notice. “I woke up, surrounded by blood and glass. My memory was very foggy, but I did remember that I tried to attack you…”

Devi frowned, irritated that he would bring up that night, but couldn’t interject before Johnny continued.

“I’ve never been so afraid. I was so terrified that I’d killed you, or horribly wounded you. I ran to the TV room, and the front door was wide open, and I could see your car was gone.” He hesitated a moment, his voice threatening to hitch.

“I felt such overwhelming relief. You were safe – alive. None of the blood on me was anyone’s but my own. But the relief was fleeting… I was consumed with unimaginable sorrow as I stood there. Your car was gone – you were gone. Everything that was between us before, was gone too.”

The confession surprised Devi, to a degree, and she remained quiet, curious to see where he was going with this particular tangent.

“Surely you hated me.” Johnny nodded his head in her direction, fully aware that he was speaking to her now. “How could you not hate me? And that had been what I wanted so badly to stop from happening… I never wanted there to be a time I could look back on, and know without a doubt you were upset with me, or I was upset with you. I never wanted your anger or sadness directed at me. I never wanted to know with absolute certainty that there was ill-will from you to I, or vice versa.”

Johnny swallowed. He was nervous to attempt this explanation again, seeing as his lengthy talking had pissed Devi off often in the past.

“You see… the idea was that… if I killed you then, that your affection would always be there for me. That the happiness we both felt in that moment would never be tainted with petty fighting – your smile, your laugh, your warmth, all of that would be mine to look back on and remember that joy can really be holistic. That the happiness you gave me will always be untouched by ugly feelings, like betrayal or grief or rage.”

His body tightened, every nerve ending he had aware of the furious stare Devi was burying into his temple. Ignoring his heart’s frantic palpitations, he pushed on, begging that his remorse would be enough to calm her rage.

“But now… I’m so grateful that you are alive to hate me.” The sentence alone was enough to confuse Devi out of her raw anger, and Johnny felt himself relax enough to feel his anguish properly.

“Even if my memories of you now are so bittersweet; all the times you smiled at me and the talks we shared, yes, they are quickly followed by the pain I feel knowing that you despise me… but I would bear this agony for an eternity if it meant that you would still be alive. Regardless of your feelings for me, you are still the person I admire and respect most of all, you know. The painful reminders that your tenderness for me is long departed doesn’t, and cannot, change that, and I’ve learned that because of you and your insistence to live – live regardless of what anyone else has to say about it!”

He calmed himself a moment, still cautious about expressing himself too wildly tonight.

“My actions before… they were selfish. So selfish – I knew that, and I didn’t care. But I think now, that while I knew that, I don’t think I understood it, until I had to live with the fact that you loathe my very existence.”

Johnny finally garnered the courage to look Devi in the eyes, and he didn’t allow himself even a second to digest the intimidation he felt from the act, instead demanding that he continue his apology before he lost the words again.

“You are such a strong person, Devi. Your love and hate burn with such an intensity, I can only be envious of it. You are rigid in your passions – your work motivates you, and in turn your steadfastness protected your work. You are the perfect example of what I can only piss and cry about wanting to be.”

“And no pain in this world could be worse than the idea that you would cease to exist. No glass impeded in my face, no bullets through my skull, could ever possibly hurt more than the mere concept that you could be gone.”

“I am very limited in facets when it comes to stubbornness like yours, but one thing I’m sure of, is that I’d vehemently agree to continuously fail, continuously hurt, forever, if it meant that you are alive, Devi. When you look at me, and I can see the energy and emotion and life flaring inside of your eyes, I am reminded of my biggest failures – the worst of my mistakes, the biggest slips of foresight – and it brings me such an intense feeling of relief. It makes not sense, and yet, it makes more sense than anything on Earth!! Failure should make you feel bad, but when the result is you being unharmed, I am happy!”

Johnny could feel that he was starting to monologue uncontrollably, and had to literally clench his jaw shut to stop the rantings from growing louder and more crazed. Devi was still staring at him, and he couldn’t read her expression aside from the fact that she wasn’t mad. This was as good a time as any to apologize, he supposed.

“…I know forgiveness is about as likely as it’s always been, but I still want to say that I’m very sorry for trying to stab you with a pen. You see now why I was so insistent on voiding myself of all feelings. I’m still too selfish, and I still lose myself in my anger more than I would like to admit… I was so foolish; I had started fantasizing that, maybe, we could be friends again. I knew it was very unlikely, but I still let myself get carried off in the daydream that you might still, I don’t know, enjoy my company… Hearing the facts about our er, relationship, just upset me. N-Not that I blame you for that, of course, it’s just that I’m so… well you know, not good with— ugh, I am bad at explaining.”

Johnny slumped against the wall. Despite the exhaustion he felt from releasing so many feel-y words at once, it did feel sort-of good at the same time. Much more satisfying for the soul than his ill-fated phone call apology months back. Devi watched him until she was sure he was done talking, then crossed her arms and leaned back more comfortably while she debated how to respond.

She wasn’t really expecting anything articulate from him, and had, in fact, intended to shut him down if he dared to try spewing more of his fake-wisdom bullshit about feelings and human nature, but this time it felt… kind of genuine. Kind of. She wasn’t going to give him too much credit.

“And um,” Johnny mumbled. “I forgot to say, uh, I’m very grateful that you would meet with me tonight… I didn’t expect you to offer me the chance to speak, either, so…”

Devi rolled her eyes with a hint of amusement in her exacerbation.

“Oh, can it already, would you?” She turned to him, and Johnny immediately quieted himself, though more do to the fact that Devi’s voice had since softened from the last time she spoke.

Devi observed his unassuming and nervous posture, and instead of again feeling rage that he would try to appear meek, felt some level of pride that he truly was so intimidated by her. She had insistently told herself that, when it came to Johnny, the power imbalance was in her favor, but after his little confession, she was more secure in that belief. It did make her feel slightly at ease, though she refused to lower her guard all the same. Even if he didn’t mean to hurt her, he still tried to, after all. It might even be worse that his violent outbursts are triggered by his feelings, regardless of if he actually wants the bloody, end result or not – but that was just something to file away as an important note, and didn’t change the fact that he would be coming back to her apartment again.

She uncrossed one of her arms and offered him her bag of chips, almost nonchalantly. Johnny blinked in surprise at the gesture, and flickered his eyes between her and the bag hesitantly a few times before sticking his hand inside and taking a palmful of chips out. Part of him imagined that she had set a mousetrap inside to snap on his fingers, or something.

“Well,” Devi sighed to the sky while he munched away. “you ready to pick up where we left off?”

Johnny stopped mid-chew, staring at her in shock. He swallowed quickly.

“Wh—r-really??” He asked. “You would really want to, to continue mentoring me??”

Devi smiled smugly.

“If I’m supposed to believe what you’re saying, than your emotions are so intense that even when you respect someone, you can’t stop yourself from resorting to violence if they upset you. Your ‘fight or flight’ instinct is too much for you to control, as it is now.” She tilted her head to him. “Which means we’ve got a lot of work to do.”

Johnny smiled, smothering the remaining chips in his hand unintentionally, as his fist tightened against his chest with elation. He could barely absorb her words with his brain buzzing the way it was, but he nodded madly all the same,

“Yes! Yes, I’m ready!” He grinned. “Can we go now?”

Devi’s mouth slanted, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“What?” She asked. “No, not tonight, you nutcase.”

“Why not??” He pushed, smile still sprawled up to his cheeks. “We could go, and keep it short—!”

“HEY.” Devi huffed, sticking a finger aggressively between his eyes. Johnny’s mouth shut, his eyes crossed to stare at her pointed nail hovering just over the bend of his nose, only uncrossing when she spoke again.

“I’m going to be way harder on you now, so don’t get all comfy on me, Johnny.” She retracted her hand, then offered another slit of a smile. “And I need a night to sleep on your stupid-ass apology before I even think of helping you along. Just, come over tomorrow night, ‘kay?”

Even with all the insults, Johnny couldn’t stop his smile from bursting back to life.

“Okay!” He beamed. “Okay, I will see you tomorrow night! 6:00PM, yes?”

“Yes.” Devi groaned, shaking her head with the faint remnants of a smile, and returned to her car. She needed a fucking nap. Johnny finally unfurled his fist, shoving the remaining chip crumbs into his mouth and waving goodbye to her enthusiastically as she drove off.

--

NEXT.

[sk-salazar]

Here are my favorite things and some amazing observations about “Change Your Mind”. Needless to say, there are spoilers.

💖 Those cute rainbow caterpillar bois that Pink brought to Homeworld. And the image in my head of them chasing the Pearls. 😂 Someone needs to draw that.

💖 That DejaBlue pun.

💖 Connie standing up to Mama Blue and using her strict parents to her advantage.

💖 Steven standing up for his support of fusion instead of just giving Blue an empty apology.

💖 Blue realizing that she was wrong to use her emotional manipulation powers on her loved ones all these eons. And her comment about Homeworld failing Pink instead of Pink failing Homeworld. So many kids who defy the status quo need to hear this.

💖 Blue hiding the kids in her hair loop.

💖 The symbolism behind Steven throwing off his Pink Diamond getup and putting on his own clothes to confront White. (Maybe they’re just more comfortable, but I feel like there’s a clear message there.)

💖 Blue saying, “She prefers to be called Steven.” Even if she didn’t use a male pronoun, I can see a message here of accepting your trans kid and defending their chosen identify. Even if it causes a strain in your marriage.

💖 Connie’s courage (again!) to stand up to Yellow. Everyone kept blaming Connie for “blowing Steven’s chance to talk to White” because she fused with him. And Connie’s statement about changing the rules for everyone was the best clapback to that. Steven knows he’s right. Steven knows that servitude is wrong. He knows that denying who you want to be and not loving who you want to love is wrong. So if he is to confront White Diamond, he must do it on his terms, not hers.

💖 Yellow crying of her own volition.

💖 Connie’s “face-off” pun and all the hand puns about the ships. 😂 And Bismuth wanting to uppercut an upper crust. The writing for this episode was 🔥.

💖 Steven saying “GASP!” instead of actually gasping. 😂

💖 Lapis’ and Peridot’s new forms! I’m so in love with Lapis’ palazzo pants and golden sandals! She looks like she has so much more personality now. 💙💚

💖 Peridot saying, “Who needs thumbs?” even tho they’re the reason humans are an advanced species. 😂

💖 Steven’s observation about all his forms. Pink represented the “flight” response and Rose represented the “fight” response. Both of which are primitive responses to conflict. Meanwhile, Steven represents using logic and compassion to foster dialogue. He’s the most ascended form.

💖 Blue saying, “In order to fix [our family], we must admit that it’s broken.” Here, she voices the most common fear of those people who always push back against progress.

💖 Yellow telling Steven to #TakeAKnee . I see what you did there, Sugar Woman. 😏

💖 Yellow having the courage to tell White that “we need to talk about us”. (I love all the throwback references in this episode! One of which is this line, which is a throwback to the episode about Greg and Rose.)

💖 Steven telling White to “let us in your head” or to “get out of your head”. To be “in your head” means that you’re self-centered and unconcerned about the world around you. Again, that 🔥 writing.

💖 Amethyst’s owl pun. 😂

💖 Steven fusing with all the Crystal Gems to save them. Not only was it a great idea in an emergency, but it’s a great plot device. It gives us the answer to our questions about who all the Steven fusions are, thereby making it easier to wrap up the show sometime in the near future.

💖 The new fusions!!! Rainbow Quartz is a posh twink, Sunstone is a positive, 80’s rapper-esque cool dude role model for kids and Obsidian fucking Te Ka.

💖 Rainbow Quartz blowing a raspberry, Rainbow Quartz blasting off with a literal rainbow trail, Rainbow Quartz’s “two stones and one bird” joke. Just, Rainbow Quartz. 🌈

💖 The Crystal Gems forming a cheerleading pyramid to form Obsidian and Pearl doing a Swedish Alps move.

💖 That badass fucking shot of Obsidian’s multiple arms. As well as that epic music they played for her scene.

💖 The Crystal Gems’ new forms. Pearl has completely thrown off that flimsy veil thing that all Pearls have. (Which is a symbol of servitude to her.) And now, her outfit is a lot more conventionally human. (Maybe a sign that she wants to pursue Mystery Girl?) Also, the Star is on her back, representing her putting her past as a Crystal Gem behind her. Now, she’s just Pearl and she just wants to live her own chosen purpose.

Garnet has both red and blue in her corset. After Ruby and Sapphire spent time apart, Ruby realized that she liked being with Sapphire while still being herself. Maybe Sapphire came to the same conclusion. Maybe they both came to the conclusion that they’re not two halves of a whole. They’re two whole beings in one pair.

💖 Bismuth loving Connie enough to make her a custom non-Rose Quartz-themed sword. I love how much she loves and protects the new crew.

💖 The Great and Lovable Peridot declaring that she’s Homeworld’s savior.

💖 As unnerving as it is, I love the way White tries to mess with Steven’s head. She talks about Yellow’s, Blue’s and Pink’s impurities making them dependent on each other. (Essentially, colored diamonds are created because of impurities.) And also how Pink surrounds herself with outcasts in order to be considered normal or good. I don’t agree with any of her statements, but you’ll often hear bigots use the same kind of logic to justify their worldview, which really makes this show hit home in many ways. I have to admit, her words kind of messed with my head, too. For a moment, I had some intrusive thoughts, wondering if I believed what I believe so that I could be “the best of the worst”. I snapped out of it really quick, mind you. But this was an incredibly effective speech.

💖 Amethyst calling White a dirt wad. 😂 She has NO chill.

💖 Again, White Diamond being an absolute villain when she says, “Now I’ve removed all their flaws. Now they are perfect, now they are ME.” This could be an interpretation of God. He sees free will as a mistake because his creations choose NOT to glorify him and NOT to be molded in his image. So many awesome sneak-disses of real people in this episode. 😎👏🏼

💖 Yellow Pearl’s silly Pink Steven line turning out to be foreshadowing. 🤦🏻‍♀️

💖 The palpable representation of self-love in the form of Steven adoring his own form. Also, there’s a throwback to Rose Quartz saying, “Every time you love yourself or you love being yourself, that’s me loving you and loving being you.” Steven really is Pink’s ascended form. The song in the credits is from Pink to Steven.

💖 Rose Quartz and Pink being gone for good. So many stories have characters that come back to life and it seems like death loses meaning nowadays. As much as I love Rose, I’m here for her never coming back. Especially because that represents Pink/Rose/Steven growing and moving on. Just as we never go back to our old, naive selves, neither should Pink.

💖 Steven being equal to White in power, apparently. She was shook with that scream of his! And he took his sweet ass time walking towards his meat suit. That’s power right there.

💖 White saying, “I only want you to be yourself and if you can’t do that, I’ll do it for you.” A perfect representation of people nowadays forcing people to deny their true identities through draconian laws, unwritten social codes and bigoted statements.

(“You do not look like this, you do not sound like this, you are Pink Diamond” = “If you have a penis/vagina, you’re a man/woman.” “That gender doesn’t exist.” “Men and women are supposed to be with each other because...reproduction.” “You can live together, but don’t call it marriage.” Etc, etc.)

💖 The best line in the whole show: “I AM a child. What’s your excuse?” What a sweet, heartfelt way to remind us of the pilot episode, when all this magic got started. 😭

💖 White Diamond interpreted Pink’s “impurity” as warmth earlier. All this time, she thought that being “perfect” meant being detached, cold, unsympathetic, overbearing and cruel. But she becomes more likeable and multi-faceted when she absorbs Pink’s warmth/light. Without it, she’s a creepy, aloof puppet master. But with it, she becomes the same old White that the Diamonds loved. She changed quite easily, so that indicates to me that she felt the need to remove her emotions to become a more effective leader. (Kind of like how people with broken hearts often vow never to love again.) There should be a future exploration on this. Did she remove her own emotions? Did she do it in order to detach herself from grieving for Pink? Or did a higher, more eldritch power do this to her? 🤔 Either way, Pink’s warmth is the antidote to all forms of frigidity. For all that guff about her perfect white light penetrating everyone, she sure got shown a thing or two. 😁

💖 Apparently, Pink Pearl is okay-ish. She probably still has the trauma of being taken from Pink and having her eye cracked. But she apparently has no memory of being controlled. I was so tormented for the last month, wondering if poor Pink Pearl was screaming for freedom, trapped inside her own body. 😢

💖 Steven’s throwback to the song he sung to Lars and Sadie when they were stranded on the island. “If you let others just be whoever they are, maybe you could let yourself be whoever you are” is a throwback to “Let Yourself Just Be Wherever You Are”. It’s also a perfect message to people who rely on bigotry and forcefulness to serve as their whole identity.

💖 Sadie’s green hair. 💚 What a look! And Greg is such a good guy that he’s allowed Sadie and her band to play his song. ☺️ Also, her literal mic drop when the Diamond mothership lands above her. 🤣

💖 The way our perfect cinnamon roll always brings people together. The way he introduces the off-colors to the Diamonds like it’s NBD, like there hasn’t been eons of bad blood between them. And the way White is willing to say hello to them first. What a good grandma. ☺️ It’s funny that earlier on, White said that Pink inspires others to be their worst selves. Yet whenever Steven does stuff like this, it inspires me to be my best self. And many other fans too, I’m sure!

💖 Lars being kind to Lion. ☺️

💖 The off-colors and corrupted-now-uncorrupted Gems finally getting their happily ever after. ☺️

💖 Jasper still retaining a scar of her corruption. Because no one ever comes back unscathed and that little detail makes this story so much more real to us. Also, the way Amethyst explained everything to her, even after the way Jasper had bullied her.

💖 Yellow throwing up some deuces as the mothership was blasting off. 😂✌🏼 There is hope for these Diamonds after all.

💖 Steven’s closing song. What a perfect message to sum up the entire episode. 😍