#need to take better pics of this journal . outside

[ecohorrors]

hauntings, houses, love, and consumption of the subject.

Yellowjackets 2x09 / Shirley Jackson - The Haunting of Hill House / Joan Tierney - WHY ARE YOU HAUNTED? a survey / kittyhorrorshow - ANATOMY / Tracy K. Smith - Ash / Mark Z. Danielewski - House of Leaves / Yuan Li - Two Lives / SNAKEPOOL - Figure in the Background / The Magus Archives episode 32 / Jeff VanderMeer - Annihilation /  Anne Sexton - A Self Portrait in Letters / Various excerpts from a personal project of mine :]

[universalitgirlsblog2]

💗🍨REBRAND & REINVENT YOURSELF💗🍨

🍨If you feel uninspired, unmotivated,dull,tired and like every single day of your life is boring then you are in need of a rebrand. IT IS NOW TIME TO REINVENT YOUR ENITRE LIFE AND SELF. This doesn't mean you need to let go of yourself completely and be someone you are not, it is about loving yourself enough to say " My current situation is not working for me , I deserve better whether that be my environment , appearance, Confidence etc.

💗PLANNING

Understand who you are,who you want to be and where you want to get. Do a SWOT analysis of your life. What are your weakness ? What is threatening you ? What is getting in your way to achieving your dreams ?

Shadow work is easy, all you need to do is search shadow work journal prompt on Google or Pinterest. This will help you unpack your trauma that you might not be aware of , move on fully from your past and enter into your new era without bringing the past baggage because we don't need it. Create your alter ego and step into that energy permanently.Write a script describing your future self down to every single detail , write it in present tense to speed up your manifestation. After doing shadow work , reinvention script, SWOTS Analysis and understanding yourself, you need to find solutions. Let's say your weakness is that you can't wake up early but in your reinvention script, you wrote that your ideal version is a morning person. Bring few simple techniques, for example , develop a slow morning routine. Take each habit week by week. The first week , just focus on waking up early, the second week , wake up earlier and go to the gym and the third week , wake up earlier, go to the gym and eat healthy. You are building up slowly.

To be disciplined and create solutions to get from your A to B , delete all the take-out or dating apps, block every single one of your exes, change your phone number if you have to or donate your old clothes. Taking such measures shows you that there is no going back. You are entering a new era in your life.

🍨 APPEARANCE

Follow the 80-20 rule which is 80% of the time you need to follow a healthy diet, and the other 20% of the time you can treat yourself because you deserve it.

Start drinking matcha over coffee. Coffee has negative effects on our gut health, brain health and life in general.

Benefits of Matcha.

Boosts brain function

Helps you lose weight

Eliminates toxins

Creates a calm and focused mind

Helps prevent cancer

Trust in your health and treat your body like a temple. Don't fall into prey for not taking of your health because it's " cool " .

Take your supplements, it will change your life.

If you are not wearing it in 5 years, don't buy it . Quit trend buying. Go for what you like and what suits you.

Going on tiktok or youtube, watch make-up tutorials. It's not about buying expensive products but knowing about how to place them to enhance your features. Learning make-up that suits your face. Personally, I would recommend Dear Peachie since she has the best make-up tips.

Buying one of everything and stick to it. What works , works .

Work on your posture.

Explore non-toxic products and clean beauty.

💗MINDSET TIPS

Undoing the negative. Block your exes . It doesn't matter how good the relationship . Delete their pics. They are not part of your life anymore.

Get rid of limiting beliefs. Develop abundance mindset.

Change up your environment.

Incorporating the postive

Stay self-aware. Instead of focusing on what other person did , you need to ask yourself what you did wrong. It is not about saying that it is all your fault. You need to know if you self-sabotaging yourself or not.

Embody the habits and lifestyle you want to have.

Engage with your past and future self. You are looking at your current version from outside perspective.

Develop the IDAF mindset. You are holding yourself back when you care about what other's think about you.

Please don't be upset about not getting attention from the wrong people. If they fun of you or judged you , the fact they did that shows how lame they are.

Stop explaining yourself to everyone and stop telling others about your goals. They will not get it. If you believe in yourself, you will end up getting where you want to be and everyone around you is not going to be judging they are gonna be clapping.

Follow people who inspire or educate you. It will help you gain something from being on social media instead of scrolling through pointless memes.

You get to decide your emotions. If someone said something hurtful , realise they are not the right person, distance yourself or don't react. Use your pain as motivation.

🍨NEW HABITS

Exposure therapy. Get used to being cringy and embarassing. Being cringe is to be free. Face your fears.

Become the life of the party. Put your attention to how you are going to make other people feel.

Stop being everywhere for everyone. BOUNDARIES!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN YOU LEVEL UP IF YOU DON'T PUT YOURSELF FIRST ?

You are not missing out on anything. Be picky , only go to events if they align with you. Not everyone needs to know about your buisness.

Identify the nonsense in your day and remove it. Be a little self-aware.

Fake it till you make it. Be comfortable with sitting with discomfort.

Hot girls are always grateful. Gratitude is the greatest vibrational frequency you can operate at.

💗HOME-WORK

Do some SWOT analysis , Google shadow work prompts to fully evaluate your weaknesses.

Draw out your ideal self. What do you wanna become ? What does she dress like? What her mornings look like? Who are her friends?

Evaluate your current situation and drawn out the map of your future situation so you can get from A to B much faster.

Create your mood board and set it as phone wallpaper

Invest in one thing that can level up your appearance.

💗🍨This post was requested , I hope you liked it . Also , I will make more posts like this for Tam Kaur and The Wizard liz💗🍨

[kittysdiary]

Hello love , ok so I’m wondering on how I can keep my confidence up. It’s like when I get myself together to look and be cute and it’s time to take pics my pictures never come out right and I meant never , they only come out right with filter which sucks. This just brings my confidence down and makes me not want to take pictures at all. And just seeing other take the same pics , and even low quality pics and it still looks right just makes me mad. And I don’t know what I can do

Let’s Talk: Confidence

Inner Work: Confidence isn’t something that happens over night. In order to boost your confidence you have to do some shadow work and be willing to learn about who you really are.

Envision It: What do you want yourself to be? How do they look? How do they dress? How do they speak/act? Make vision boards and journal it. Even if you have a good idea on how you’d like to dress, write it down! It’s good to have something to look back on when you’re feeling down.

Believe It: Confidence is not just about your appearance. Walk like you got it. Speak like you got it and know that you got it. Learn to ignore your subconscience and start practicing mental diets. Whenever you feel a negative thought coming on immediately replace it with something positive.

Consistency is Key: Affirm + journal self love affirmations. Write them down in your notes app, put them on your laptop, place sticky notes of different affirmations around your house or make a self love jar. Practicing self love everyday will help keep your confidence at an all time high and can boost it when needed.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others: Compete and compare with yourself and yourself only. You should strive to be a better person than you were yesterday. Realize that you are unique in your own way. Draw inspiration from others who make you want to be your best self.

Be Kind: Don’t tear yourself down if your pictures don’t turn out right or if something doesn’t go your way. Pause and back track. What can you do in this situation to make it better? Do you need a change of scenery for your photos? Adjust the way you pose? Don’t directly turn to negativity instead be soft to yourself and focus on positive solutions rather than the negative.

Take Some “Me” Time: When you feel yourself getting frustrated, it’s time to take a step back. Hop off of social media and spend time loving yourself. Meditate, read, do some yoga and journal. It’s time to regroup and focus on yourself only. Avoid negative situations and return when you feel ready.

Don’t Seek Validation and Ignore Outside Opinions: Only your opinions on yourself matters. Do what makes you happy and fulfilled.

Be Authentic: No one can be you. You’re unique, you’re beautiful, your personality is bright and your energy can not be matched. You don’t need approval or need to be like anyone else.

Cut Out What Doesn’t Serve You: Set boundaries and remove any negativity that may try to tear your down.

At the end of the day, you need to work on your overall confidence in order to be truly happy with the pictures you take. Recognize your beauty and uniqueness. Stop comparing your photos to others and realize that there’s no one like you. Once you boost your confidence then try different photography techniques. Look for inspo, try different poses, go out with friends for a photo session and explore pretty places to take pictures. Building your confidence takes time so please be patient and gentle with yourself.

[oftlunarialmoon]

5 Agere Activities for a Rainy Day (Indoors Edition)

Ciao lovelies! We’re moving into spring here where I am, and with the spring, comes LOTS of rain. There are many outside ideas to do for agere, (and yes, even some rainy day ones!) but today, I’d like to share 5 of my favorite agere activities to do on a rainy day, or on days where I can’t go outside (snow, too hot, etc.)..

All of the ideas I’m sharing today are my personal faves!

Idea #1: Change your doll’s (or stuffies!) outfits….or make them some outfits!

Super old pic, I know (I have wayyy different hair now, lol), but this idea is still one of my faves. Picking new outfits for my dolls is always super fun and sometimes I even have a mini photoshoot with them after changing their looks. I can also turn this idea into a full afternoon of play by setting up a “doll salon” to select their looks and they each get a spray of choice perfumes and hair brushes :) 

If you don’t have clothes for your dolls/stuffies, you can also make them clothing or accessories! I’m aiming to put some tutorials of that sort on the blog and possibly on the Youtube channel soon, but for now, here’s some tutorials that I have already made to get you started:

There are many fun and simple methods for making doll clothing or accessories, I once again have to highly recommend MyFroggyStuff’s Youtube channel for this! She has awesome ideas and she makes it all seem so easy. 

Idea #2: Take a fun Bubble Bath!

Taking a fun and relaxing bath is a nice way to both regress, and practice self-care! You can find cute bath toys like these at dollar stores, and bath bombs, bubble bath, bath fizzies, etc as well! I even love buying the “bath puppets” which are just washcloths that go on your hands like a puppet, and are shaped like animals! I have a sharkie and a froggie. When I take baths or showers, I like to imagine going through a checklist with my scrubby buddy (most often Mr Sharkie) to make sure I get 1000000% clean! Sometimes I even make a little song of this and hum it to myself. :)

It’s also nice having access to fun body washes and soap! My current favorite body wash is scented from “Viva las Vegas SWEET” which is some kind of perfume thing, but it smells like candy, and it looks cute out of the tube! (it’s pink and shimmery 0.0)

I’ve also seen body washes for babyshark, Barbie, and other kids franchises! Oh, and even some grown-ups products are still cute for this too! I have a Hello Kitty sugar scrub that was intended for grown-ups, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t cute anyway! :) Oh, and Crayola makes body wash “crayons” as well, the tubes are crayon shaped and the body washes are colorful!

Okie, okie, that’s a lot of me rambling about baths, sorry >.<

Idea #3: Play Video Games!

Sometimes there’s nothing better than wearing comfy clothes, having a nice snack, and playing video games! On rainy days this activity feels super cozy and wonderful, and there are lots of games out there that are cute and good for agere!

My current faves are Animal Crossing New Horizons on my Switch, Sandbox Coloring App on my phone, Nintendogs on my 3Ds, and Minecraft on my PC! I love that games are on a lot of different devices, so that I can always find something to do~

I think Animal Crossing is a really cool game for age regressors, and the New Horizons one is very cute for a lot of reasons! I can dress my avatar up in cute fashions and i can even buy…..pacis! and…..Cute kawaii dresses!!! :0 You could make your dream agere outfits in this game, and i do it all the time, tbh!

Idea #4: Journaling or Writing in a Diary!

I love love love my regression journal! I use stickers, washi tape, coloring pages, crayons, markers, and more on it, and it’s really freeing to have a journal that doesn’t need to be neat or tidy. My daily journal is also my regression journal, as I am someone who is semi-regressed all the time! :3 I also do vent journal entries in this journal (to share with my therapist), and lists, collages, doodles, info pages…lots of things! 

I have an article on here actually about Agere Journaling! 

I also want to briefly ramble about my stickers, I have found 2 really good sources of stickers for my journal. The first is a subscription service called Stickii, which sends you a themed sticker pack every month, these packs include stickers from lots of independent artists and I really love each one I’ve gotten so far (I’ve gotten 2 so far.) **DISCLAIMER: I am not sponsored or affiliated with this brand, I just wanted to give a personal recommendation! 

The second is Blippo Kawaii Shop, which sells sticker mystery bags which I have an opening video of on OFT’s IG! :) I love their selection of kawaii stickers, and it’s always fun getting a package from them. Also… once again: **DISCLAIMER: I am not sponsored or affiliated with this brand, I just wanted to give a personal recommendation! 

Idea #5: Play with Legos or building blocks! 

Something that I love doing when I am small is playing with building blocks or legos! I like the Minecraft sets or the dollar store legos! :) I use the legos to build things for my mini town and dollhouse, as well as make dollrooms! :) 

Megablocks have larger blocks as well if you regress younger and want something more simple. Also… once again: **DISCLAIMER: I am not sponsored or affiliated with this brand, I just wanted to give a personal recommendation! 

You can use building blocks to make obstacle courses for your minis, specific types of buildings for playing pretend, mecha robots for epic battles…….>.<’ sorry my brain totally went to gundam XD

They also sell building block sets for making iconic characters like pikachu and other pokemon, as well as other anime and game characters! I think this type of block is called a nano block.

CONCLUSION: 

What do you think of these 5 agere activities for a rainy day? What activities are your favorite when small? Let me know in the comments, I love hearing from you lovelies and having great discussions!

And now for the most important thing in this outro…..I get to say……

STAY AWESOME!! You are awesome, just as you are, and you should look at yourself with love and kindness. Don’t forget to love yourself, whether you practice self-care, treat yourself, or take care of your future self by getting a task done ahead of time, self love is important!

Okie, all my ramblings aside, see you in my next post, video, or whatever comes next!

[sharingtheprocess]

I wanted to write this two weeks ago

Hey y'all :) I've been spending a lot of time thinking about things that I want to do instead of going out and doing them, so this first post is dedicated to letting my ideas live outside my brain.

When I thought about how I wanted to record this journey I knew I wanted to do some kind of blog. I think my personality better suits vlogs but there is still a part of me that feels a little uncomfortable taking up space in that way. However, I don't want to restrict myself so I'm thinking this will be a place for my ramblings to exist in whatever form (text, video, audio & pics).

As a person with a poor memory I have found archiving events, particularly through photos (but also audio diaries and journaling) really helps me remember myself, my accomplishments, and my trails. So I knew I wanted some kind of informal space to reflect on life in Brazil. I told myself a monthly update would be manageable and yet here I am almost a month and a half in writing my first post 😂. I say all this with no shame- just want to acknowledge that to some I moved and fell off the face of the Earth so I am v sorry for my radio silence.

I think there was a part of me that felt nervous to share & give updates because things have not been rainbows & butterflies. I wanted to have a ton of photos from trips and cool events to show off but tbh a bitch has been in the crib. If anything, I realized this past month and a half has had a lot more to do with me learning how to live with my partner, navigate relationship conflict, be transparent about my needs & in tune with my body. I definitely feel like my time and attention has been more inward and concerned with my home/private life than anything really to do with Brazil.

At first I was frustrated, I felt restricted, disappointed, and irritable. Things just weren't easy and a bitch can list some reasons why:

I don't know the language

My grandmother's health has been a major concern and it feels harder to navigate while being so far away

Missing my friends/community/loved ones

Constantly hearing about phone theft & other robberies and not wanting to look like an easy lick- but also feeling confused knowing my ass did not just come from Atlanta, Philly, and parts of Trenton to be worried about "crime" over here

Struggling with a lack of structure/routine

Thinking that being with my partner would feel like all the times we've vacationed together

I felt insecure about doing things on my own, but I had to embrace that because following other people's rhythm didn't satisfy me. As a person who is already naturally shy and reserved, constantly feeling outside my comfort zone without a new established safe space or outlet has been sooo hard. I would either feel fatigued or high strung from socializing. Too nervous to do things solo or overly concerned with how out of place I felt and how easily my anxious energy could be read by others.

I was constantly denying myself out of fear and minimizing my feelings. I came with a lot of big dreams and aspirations, and I think they are still possible but I'm realizing it just won't be as straightforward as I imagined- and that's ok. I need to be a lot more intentional here and that means putting in the work, energy, and consistency to live how I want.

I've already seen so many things that I've come to love about being here:

I am a five minute walk away from the ocean and living this close to the beach has been so healing for my body and spirit

I eat good everyday!

The party/dance culture here is incredibly liberating

I live in a beautiful black queer ass city

Seeing people w piercings and tattoos as a common/normal body mod is deeply affirming

Space and time feels slower here- it made me restless at first but surrendering to this pace has actually brought me more freedom to be curious about myself, my art, my spirit...

Things haven't been bad but my arrival didn't fit my expectations. I've had a lot of growing pains and mini breakthroughs. Now that I've had more time to adjust I want to play an active role in making my desires match my reality. I know things won't change overnight so I'm glad I'll be here for some time. Thanks for reading & journeying with me 💓

~JC

[vahilor]

My Degenesis OC Alex aka Splint. He is a chronicler (some kind of tech- and computer freak collecting old knowledge) in a Post-Apocalyptic world. Smaller pic is him with his helmet/mask on. Base shading, still needs proper shading. Journal text: Alex is special, though I guess you'd say that about any chronicler. Let's say better, special for a chronicler, which explains that he prefers to stay away even from his own people. His humor takes some getting used to, at least for me, whereas Fynn can clearly handle it well, which is probably related to the fact that the two have known each other for a long time and don't give a damn about the rather usual distrust of their factions.  Rather, both joke about it. For me, this is less amusing, but I'm not a very humorous person. After all, he is not quite so bad, even if obsessed with his chaos. You shouldn't put something in a different place or even try to take it in your hand. He notices it immediately without even having to look at you. It is almost fascinating how he finds anything at all in this chaos. I would not be able to cope with it. The fact that he can't walk doesn't bother him much either, at least on the outside, although I can't get rid of the feeling that he's hiding more here than you might suspect. Maybe I'll ask Fynn about it, but whether the Hellvetiker will tell me more is questionable. I am far more cautious when it comes to telling something about myself. Alex was born former Greece into a family with quite poor circumstances. His parents were farmers who took the meager harvest from the land to sell it to different tribes. His three older siblings (two brothers and a sister) had to start helping on the farm at an early age and this fate would also have befallen Alex. However, at the age of 6, Alex fell into the paddock of the only bull the family owned and the aggressive animal almost trampled the poor young boy to death. Alex survived but due to the injuries to his spine and the lack of proper treatment he was not able to walk anymore  and thus a burden to the family, a little glutton who could contribute nothing. His parents tried to sell the young boy to make some profit out of the child but none wanted him cause of his disability. A chronicler took heart and bought the boy in the name of the Order, even if it was not sure that the boy would bring any benefit to the Order, but he felt sorry for the child. He didn't regret it, because Alex turned out to be quite gifted in handling technology and the will to prove to everyone that he wasn't a useless cripple.

[workofheart]

eren jaeger relationship hcs

eren’s turn! modern relationship hcs. nsfw under the cut as per usual <3 levi ver.

really clingy. when ur away on a trip or something, he definitely cuddles your pillow and buries his head in it. might also spray your perfume on his hoodie so he can be reminded of you throughout the day (as if you aren’t already on his mind 24/7)

on that note, LOVES seeing you in his clothing. i feel like for most guys this is true and people mention it all the time, but eren especially. it makes him feel mushy and horny at the same time (more on that later) bc it just drapes over your shoulders perfectly. like he sees you and has to suck in a breath and look away to collect himself or else he’ll just become a puddle on the floor

likes hearing verbal affirmations. when you compliment him, tell him you’re proud of him, he gets all warm and fuzzy inside. it means so much coming from you and he knows you're genuine

really goofy, this is to be expected - tries to get you to laugh bc it raises his self esteem and confidence. he just likes looking at you being happy and smiling, it makes him feel so warm inside

definitely hides behind corners when he hears you walking or coming down the stairs so he can jump out and scare you. don’t worry though, because he always proceeds to hug you and kiss your forehead or temple to say he’s sorry but only kind of bc ur reaction was priceless. the little whack u give his arm in annoyance? he lovessss it bc it’s like he knows u still love him even when he is a little obnoxious

eren is definitely one of those enemies to lovers kind of guy bc he desperately wants someone to love him not necessarily in spite of his flaws, but with his flaws. he needs u to acknowledge that he’s far from a perfect person but still love him regardless

his favorite kind of dates are park dates. he likes going on warm & sunny days to throw a frisbee around with you in the open fields. i feel like he’s a basketball guy so he’ll bring you onto the court and play knockout... when he loses, will tell you he let you win on purpose for the sake of his ego 

lolll imagine him critiquing your free throw form or something and coming up behind you to fix it (it wasn’t actually that bad, he just wanted an excuse to be near you)

really needs physical touch. he’s the kind of guy who will always be in contact w you in some way or another. when driving, his hand will be on your thigh or holding yours on top of the center console, same for if you’re out at restaurants but under the table. he’d definitely try and play footsies with you if you’re sitting across from him rather than beside him. when sleeping, he holds you really tight and won’t let you roll over so you better just get comfortable. 

doesn’t mind being ur photographer and taking pics for you. he takes some time to learn the methods for the best pics but he eventually gets it

this is kind of random but when playing minecraft, he always blows up creepers and never fills in the creeper holes :| sorry. to make up for it he’ll get you music discs. also likes just going on little adventures to find a sand biome two thousand blocks away and just walking with you in game

on this topic actually i LOVE the idea of gamer bf eren. like not the league-and-monster-drinking kind but sumn about him in a headset and sitting at the edge of his bed... but he’ll definitely teach you how to play shooter games and will be so nice about it, won’t get mad at you, will give you little kisses when you’re not doing well and getting frustrated, and if you’re playing in online lobbies together he’ll stick by you the whole time and carry you

always sending you tiktoks & tries to get you to do all the trends with him. they never go viral but he goes back and watches them when he misses you

i peg him as a cat guy! really good with animals in general. i think most people would expect him to be a dog person since he can be loud and rowdy and excited, but on an emotional level i think he also just likes to be calm and relaxed and would get along with cats well. also teases you when animals reject you for him.

definitely writes about you in his journal. he jots down funny things you say or do or moments you shared so he never forgets any of them, and when he misses you he’ll read through them :( imagine when you’re so much older and he has documented proof of his love for you back when he was young please it makes me cry

also writes down little poetic words or things that remind him of you. he’ll hear a quote in a movie or a book or a song that instantly makes you pop into his head and he just has to write it down. he’s probably tried writing poems or songs about you, but he keeps those really secret because he’s embarrassed

this is kind of random but i think he’s a total beach person! likes going to spend days in the sun, builds sand castles and asks for your rating, drags you into the water to swim with him, will dive under and grab your ankles to freak you out, also looks really good in swim trunks but that's besides the point

he hates to see you upset and tries to cuddle the sadness out of you. when needs be, he’s a really good listener and doesn’t mind letting you just vent. when you cry, he pulls you in for a really tight hug and cradles your head - also because if he sees you crying, he’ll start to cry too because he genuinely feels for you 

tries his best to take care of you when you’re sick. not really a good cook or anything, but he’ll make you a grilled cheese or a pop tart, albeit a little crispy even though it’s his third attempt. doesn’t mind being near you and isn’t afraid of getting sick so he’ll cuddle you anyway

loses focus when you’re talking to him sometimes but it’s not because he’s not listening, it’s because he just gets caught up in staring at you and how you look when you talk bc he just adores you. when you snap him out of his, he always gets all red and blushy :(

nsfw under the cut (18+)

really likes sending & receiving nudes/lewds. he always goes for the torso selfie to show off his chest/abs when sending, and it doesn’t matter to him what you send back because he’ll like anything you have to offer

and his responses aren’t lame either. NOT the type to send you a thumbs up or a “ayo you sexy as hell fr doe” - he will hype you up with dirty talk because he seriously means it. honestly might just send you a voice message, or call you if you’re alone and available bc while he might look at pics of you from time to time for aesthetics, the majority of the time he’s jacking off

so you know how i said he likes seeing you in his clothing? he especially likes nudes of you in his clothes. send him a pic wearing his zip up hoodie & nothing else and he’s yours 

he prefers being in control/being on top but doesn’t mind if you want to take the reigns every once in a while

throws his head back and groans when u give him head. that's the image.

one of his favorite positions is when you’re in doggy but he pulls you up by the arms so your back is against his chest. he’ll snake a hand around to rub tight little circles on your clit, might put his hand around your throat if you like it. heavenly.

reallyyyy dirty mouth omg. asks sooo many teasing questions, likes hearing you say his name. “you like that, princess?” “louder for me” “who’s making you feel this good?” ugh and it’s not awkward either he makes it sound so good

has a lot of energy and a lot of stamina. stroke game will make you pass out, he’s so smooth and sets such a rhythm with his hips

things that get him going: kissing under his jaw, especially up by his ear. sucking his fingers. tugging on his hair. running your nails down his back.

pins your thighs to the bed when he eats you out. likes to make you squirm and loooves to edge you. super teasing in every way

can we just talk about his voice for a sec... he has the prettiest moans and isn’t afraid to let you know how he’s feeling. when you’re in missionary, he’ll hold himself up with one elbow, hold your hand with the other, and will lean down to moan right in your ear. sometimes does it on purpose bc he knows it turns you on from how you clench around him

usually has a death grip on that sensitive spot between your hips and your waist so he has something to hold on to while he pounds you

when he cums, he 100% buries his face in the crook of your neck, might even bite down from time to time 

can totally see him going harder if he knows there’s people around, he doesn’t care who it is that’s outside the door but they’re gonna hear how good he’s making you feel whether you like it or not

wants to see your face when you cum. will definitely tell you to cum for him and keep your eyes open when he’s really feeling it - your expression makes him nut so fucking hard lawwddd

daps u up after sex just cause he’s weird like that lol

[kayssweetdreams]

Camp WonderDream: Rock On!! Epilogue

Later that day...

Balan had done a throughout check to see if anyone else had been transformed into stone, and luckily, he was relieved to see everyone stone free. He had then visited Vinyl City and picked up a week's worth of Mayday and Zuke's favorite burgers, as a reward for helping them. Mayday ate at least 3 while Zuke calmly ate his. "Thank you again for helping us you two!" NiGHTS said, hovering in front of them

Mayday waved her off "It was nothing! Sure we were internally panicking, but we did it!" She said. Zuke raised his eyebrows "May, if I remember correctly, you were yelling about 'Roasted Mayday on a spit'." He said, causing the guitarist to blush. "Well, it was Still a very big favor of you to ask and you still helped us...I may need to up your privileges, Maybe let you Visit Vinyl Citu from time to time?" Balan said, casing Mayday to look at him with awe "YOU'D LET US DO THAT?!" She asked. Balan nodded and the two rockers got excited

Hakim suddenly appeared beside them "You two do deserve it! You saved us with the power of love! This is even more passionate than the poetry journal!" He said. The other Counselors looked at him "What poetry journal?" Lance asked. Hakim stared at them like they had lost their minds "The one that Mayday and Zuke were carrying around. I had found it and looked through it." He said. Pulling out a journal that read"Mayday And Zuke's AWESOME Song Idea Notebook! For Bunkbed Junction's Eyes Only!!"

Zuke's jaw dropped, and Mayday's eye twitched. "Hakim...did you have the book this whole time?" Zuke asked calmly. Hakim nodded. "And did you look through it?" Zuke asked Hakim nodded again "Yes! And I must say you are both very poetic." He said. Mayday took a deep breath. "Hakim. I'm going to give you to the count of 3, and you BETTER. Run. 3!!" She yelled, swinging her guitar at him. The love counselor quickly vanished, prompting the two of them to run after him "COME BACK HERE HAKIM!!" Mayday yelled, dragging Zuke with her.

NiGHTS, Saltbaker and Balan chuckled at his misfortune. "I'll be right back. Lance said, snapping his fingers and vanishing from them

Meanwhile, In Vinyl City...

Kliff chuckled sinisterly as he walked through Dream Fever, a bucket of red paint in his hand. Eve was currently at a press conference outside, and he was planning on dumping it on her head. "Let's see what Vinyl City thinks of you now you 'Bloody' musical faker." He sneered. "Now that your precious boyfriend and his guitarist dog are turned to stone, you really will be alone in this world. "He said as he positioned himself over her. Kliff poured the bucket, and was waiting to hear the press scream. But to his shock, there were gasps of Wonder. He looked down, and his red paint had transformed into a pile of beautiful flowers that had formed a gorgeous gown and flower crown for Eve.

The rock maniac stuttered, wondering how this could have happened, when he felt something snatch his legs and lift him upside down. He was the. Face to face with a tentacled being, a deep frown on its face, and a angry glare in it's eyes "Are you Kliff? It asked...

Meanwhile, Back at Camp...

Lance quickly returned and saw Hakim standing in a tree with Mayday threatening to chop it down. "There you are! Where have you been?" Moondrop asked. "Oh nowhere, just had to take care of something..." Lance said. Balan got curious, but knowing Lance, he felt that it was probably better not to ask...

This is a story inspired by @julili 's VERY adorable camp pic! I hope you enjoy AND go check out her work!

[foxyslide]

🦋DIARY🌸

TW

TW

TW

TW cw, cals burned, stats, bmi, Ed mention, mental health, ramblings, long ass post, and ugly mugshot

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(EDIT: lol I had posted pics of myself but then changed my mind and removed them)

(Not from today)

Hi it’s me 👋 all Shea-buttery. I hope everyone’s doing better than I am..

It’s 11:19, got home from cycling 18miles again along greenway. Cw is 54kg on the dot. 60cal x 18 = 1,080cal burned again, but I think it’s more since I was cycling nonstop for two hours unlike my journey to work.

Did not fast yesterday :,-( was going so well but I think because I slept the whole day it was difficult to sleep afterwards and I had the pizza and ice cream hubby had brought home 😞 felt so shit afterwards. It’s so shit I can’t purge, neither physically or otherwise (physically because I hate the sensation of vomiting, it’s not for me. Otherwise because of my husband, he wouldn’t put up with that shit).

I wonder would drinking a shit ton of coffee help after a binge?

Hubby has said that if this continues, this obsession about loosing weight, he doesn’t know how long we will last together. He’s worried that I will never be happy with myself, and he doesn’t know how long he can handle it. I’m so comfortable taking about my problems to him I don’t realise when I’m doing it and how it’s affecting him 😟 definitely need to journal and draw I need a way to vent. And I guess vent more on here instead of to hubby, to give him a break he deserves one.

he is honestly the one who’s been keeping me from kms, he’s the voice of reason, he’s the Angel on my shoulder, telling me I’m loved and I’m perfect the way I am and I am cared for and I need to stop bullying myself. He keeps me sane when I get really paranoid, doesn’t matter what other ppl think, even if they think badly of you doesn’t effect you, you’re getting in with your life. Live your life to your own standards, not someone else’s. Great advice that I never ever take 👍🏽

Yesterday we realised the voice in my head is the voice of my mother, and he told me the only way to end this is to confront her, he’s told me this before but I just CANNOT. Just the thought of it makes me wanna hide under the bed. Yes, like a child.

it’s her voice that tells me I’m too fat, that I have no self control, that I need to finish everything on my plate but oh my god I have cellulite we need to do something about this, never mind that I’m seven years old. I’m too lazy too stupid too inconsiderate, I don’t have a good memory I forget everything, I loose everything, I don’t appreciate the value of money, of things, I don’t appreciate what others do for me. I am selfish, greedy, I will never make it in the outside world, I will never make it on my own. Look at your friends, look at your cousins, they’ve done so much with their lives, and how slim they are! What’s wrong with your legs? Why are they so fat? You need to exercise more. Your arms are good, but the rest of your body… you’re not going to eat?! But I cooked it FOR you!! You can’t waste food! I raised you, I gave up my life for you. I’m telling you now don’t have kids. What the hell are you wearing?? What the hell are drawing?? You’re crazy!! You’re a monster!!

you know what mum just let me be a fucking monster then. And leave me the fuck alone.

lemme just jot down my stats and goals again because I let myself go. I need to get back on track. also scary thing although cycling is my fav exercise I can see the muscles I’m gaining on my thighs and I’m just like 💀 I mean I wouldn’t mind having shapely legs but if they end up quite big I’m gonna have to give up cycling.. plus muscle weighs more than fat so is cycling a good way to do this anyway? Am I gonna at least reach my first gw?

height: 163cm (5’4)

Hw: 70kg (154.3lbs)

lw: 52kg (114.6lbs)

gw1: 49kg (108lbs)

Gw2: 47kg (103.6lbs)

Ugw: 45kg (99.2lbs)

revised ugw???: 40kg (88.1lbs)

current bmi:

Ughhhhhh

I can’t wait to see that needle drop

🌸

[neonponders]

I'm sorry your brain is feeling squished!

Question: what the most outlandish harringrove au/idea/ concept that crossed your mind, but you immediately dismissed because you were worried it was too 'extra/big/over the top'

🥺 😭 Thank you, Graaaaaves 💗

You know, for some reason, I tend to avoid super fantasy au's??? (so says the person in the middle of a werewolf/vampire/witch/merman fics 🙄) Like every time I see griffin/centaur/faun art of the boys I lose my mind, I love it so much. And I recently saw this pic of a pair of lions (it's not weird, it's just a picture of lions lol) and thought.........that's Harringrove. Shape shifters? Steve's hair is literally Kovu from Lion King 2...but I never go anywhere with these haha I think it's the notion of writing horse sex that scares me off LOL

BUT I got brave once and made a tiny drabble on zayacv's post here ~

Apart from these, I am ~ s l o w l y ~ but surely writing a soulmate fic where they can't see colors until they see their mate, AND they can see each other in dreams.

(more under the cut because I'm about to overshare lol)

Cue a LOT of angst because Steve forgets his dreams (like a normal person does lol) and forgets Billy's abuse, so Billy's pissed when they finally talk and he's like????????????? HELLO? You don't care???

They slowly work it out over the next several months, and finally arrange a proper date BUT Billy experiences the crash at the start of season 3, and actually knows about the Upside-Down so he runs fast and far away from Hawkins, standing Steve up, and leaving the team behind to deal with it. Steve knows he's alive because of the dreams but it's still terrifying to wonder if Billy disappeared because he's in that meat spider.

Then he and Jonathan move to NYC and for a while, it's good. Just the daily grind to pay rent and the rush of being outside of their small town. But Steve's growing more and more haunted by the dreams he shares with Billy, because Billy's off living his life and dating - like a normal person, sure, but it still feels like cheating and Steve DID get stood up. They know they're soul mates because they can see colors and Billy left.

He left Steve.

Steve falls into heavy depression, unable to hold a job, Jonathan and Nancy get engaged - rubbing salt into his wounds - he develops an eating disorder because he feels bad about eating the food Jonathan pays for, etc etc etc.

Eventually he reaches a breaking point and uses the credit card his mom pays for to land his ass in therapy. After a few sessions, the woman is like, "Okay. I'm giving you antidepressants and sleeping meds, but you need to really think about the latter because you won't have dreams of your other half anymore."

Steve just wants to stop hurting, so he takes them. And, god, he finally sleeps. The meds make him super groggy throughout the day, and he sleeps like the dead - alerting Jonathan and Nancy that something's wrong, but that's a tangent - but he's finally recovering.

This coincides with Robin getting him a job (because she's in the city too, duh) bartending at a Drag Queen club. Steve's super lost in this place lol he know's he's not straight because - again, Billy - but this whole big, vibrant world of queer culture is new and intimidating and Steve's just so so tired.

But the owner clocks his ability to see colors immediately, because he's visibly bothered by somebody's makeup job. "They're wearing green, unblended foundation but can't tell because it's all grey tones to them."

And when I say this is a club, it's a CLUB. Projected stage, the owner's partner works at a record label, like, the drag scene may be a bit underground, but they're not messing around. These Queens become Steve's fairy godmothers and get him back on his feet, demanding he take dance lessons to be a backup dancer on occasion "Because the people love you, Stevie baby, get your ass on stage."

My favorite point is when the owner tells Steve to go in the makeup room to get a particularly ornery Queen out of their mental crisis and get into costume. Steve discovers their breast plate and it's just NASTY. Covered in caked on makeup and he has his own mental snap of his own. He cleans the weird, silicone thing, and is shouting louder than the whiney Queen,

"THIS IS DISGUSTING! IF YOU CAN'T RESPECT BREASTS THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM AT ALL!"

The owners just love him. "Okay, Bisexual King, you better work."

Meanwhile....

Steve taking the meds to stop his dreams has also made Billy stop having his. And Billy freaks. He thinks Steve is dead, and begins a desperate scavenger hunt to find him.

There's a lot more to this lol like Steve's psychiatrist recommends journaling, and Steve writes a poem that wins a poetry contest, which lands him a big scholarship to an NYC college. So he's colleging by day, Drag Kinging by night. His mom shows up to ask what the hell is so expensive every month on the credit card, and Steve confronts her about her ability to see colors because, "You've worn that specific coral peach shade ever since I was a kid."

So then Momma Harrington is in the mix and the two of them get a place together in the city (probably with Robin too, so that they can have a nice, swanky place and the three of them split the rent). Momma H. also reveals that Steve had night terrors as a kid because he DID see Billy’s abuse. She had to take measures so that he would sleep well and whatever hypnosis they did helped Steve sleep back then.

Steve's writing ability enables him to meet a band, so he writes for the band, and it's an added siphon to get his feelings about Billy out.

It's a very intricate story, obviously lol and it involves a lot of poetry, which isn't my strong suit. But it's very mental health-heavy, so I have to be in a certain place to write for it.

*sigh* thanks for reading lol

[chemiste]

Foresight ~ ch. 9

a/n : cool cool, heres ch 9, ALSO i will be posting y/n’s assignment when it’s all finished so that’ll be a couple chapters later, that’s why you’re not seeing certain pics rn. love y’all, please talk to me if you want id love to hear what y’all have to say, any thoughts theories about the story? whats going on in your life? tell meeeeeeeeee!!!!!

mah masterlist

“Guys, we’ve got a problem.” 

Mitch said from the main section of the tour bus. You had been trying to get a few more hours asleep, but the soft rumble of the tour bus was changed to screams from outside the bus. 

You moved your curtain back and stepped out into the bedroom compartment, rubbing the sleep from your eye. 

“What is that…” 

The words died on your tongue as you looked through the blackout veils in the living room. It was crazy. It was like all of Denmark was there, crowding around the Royal Arena, excitedly anticipating Harry’s arrival.

“So this is what 10,000 people looks like huh.” 

You said, still a bit gobsmacked. You looked around at who was in the main compartment and saw Harry sitting on the left couch. 

You plopped down beside him and threw your legs up onto the remaining part of the couch, leaning arm again his chest. With his right hand, the poster had been scrolling through Instagram, looking at all the postings from fans for tonight. 

On the other couch, Jeff was on a call chatting with someone about the new people barrier they’d need to get through. 

He ended the call, “The good news is our other buses were able to get here early enough and unload in the back before the crowd started. The problem now is getting us through the crowd, I called ahead and we’re gonna turn around and take an SUV in to try and be more inconspicuous. Everyone, what you need for the show cause we wont be able to get back to the tour bus till afterwards.”

The group complied and went into the back rooms as the tour bus exited the Arena parking, heading to the secret location where you all would switch vehicles for attempt number two. 

You straighten your duvet out, having not pulled out anything during the drive so you didn’t have anything to pack. You glanced over to Harry who was shoving a stray piece of paper that had scribbles all over them into a journal that seemed overstuffed. “

Are those lyrics?” You asked, slinging your backpack onto your shoulder. His eyes looked up at you briefly and then he nodded. 

“Yeah, uh, just writin’ whenever I can yeh know?” 

You put your shoes back on and headed into the living compartment. 

“Alright everyone off and into the SUV pronto so any fans that decided to follow the tour bus don’t intercept our exit.” 

Jeff said, taking the keys from the rental man who handed them to him. 

You all piled into the SUV, you and Clare in the very back, then Hélène, Harry squished in the middle, Sarah, and then Mitch with Jeff in the front. 

“I’m a big boy why I’m I the one sitting ‘ere in the middle!” 

He whined as the SUV pulled out onto the road, making his knees hit the console. 

You laughed and pulled out your phone for a quick picture, but you weren’t fast enough as Harry snatched your mobile device out of your hand. 

“Hey! Give that back you, thief!” 

“Nope! I think we need som’ pictures of you know junebug,” the poster cackled, turning the flash on and leaning into Sarah’s lap to take a bunch of snaps of you crawling from the backseats. 

You groaned and put your hand up to block the flash dots that had been clouding your eyes. 

“Come on! Do better than that Y/N!”

 He teased, you responded by changing you hand briefly to flip him off and then to a rocker hand sign. Satisfied, the boy handed you your phone back, that stupid smirk donned on his face.

Cute stupid smirk…

Huh? Psh, yeah whatever.

“Okay crouch everyone, we’re pulling in.” 

Jeff called as he pulled into the Arena parking lot again. You watched as the SUV got through easier than last time. You could see from your crouched position some of the fans lined up, or walking together to the doors. 

Some were holding signs, others had matching t-shirts. They all seemed so elated to be here, and it made you proud of Harry. 

You looked up and saw Harry doing what you had been, watching his fans. A small smile grew on his face and you could see how truly appreciative he was of his fans.

Finally the SUV got to the back gate where the other tour buses had been stationed, Jeff rolled down his window and gave the man at the booth his pass. After it had been approved, the gate opened and allowed the SUV in, closing immediately as some fans tried to slip through but to no avail.

“One more time everyone, 3, 2, 1.” 

The beats for Carolina started to play, and the band started up again, Harry standing in the middle of the stage still in sweats, hanging not changed yet.

 It had been a few hours since they were able to get and now were just adjusting a few things for the performance like always. 

You were sitting on the stage off to the side, laptop in lap. Those assignments didn’t do themselves. You were going through your photos, trying to see if any recent pictures matched some of the words you needed for your last assignment.

After that you head back to the dressing room, having time to kill as the band gets dressed and pampered. You decide to check in with Maggie and give her an update.

It was March 30th now, you were in Barcelona sprinting through the aisles as Harry performed Kiwi. 

The concerts had been going well, Norway and Germany were beautiful but it all went by so fast that your memories seemed blurry. 

But you remembered your off day yesterday with crystal-like perspective.

“Harry, look at this field oh my god have you seen anything more beautiful!?!” 

You and Harry had taken the day off to find something of nature since the only thing y’all had been around the previous week were cement walls. 

The both of you stumbled along a lovely meadow in a hill dip about an hour away from Barcelona, where he would be performing tomorrow night. The grass was tall and vivacious, little purple and pink flowers sprang up in between the stems. 

H turned to you with a smile that resembled a kid on Christmas Day. He looked absolutely soft and sweet, wearing that blue and white striped hoodie. You matched him slightly, wearing a white sweater and blue skirt complemented by thigh-high boots to keep your legs warm. 

“Woohoo!”

 He yelled as he ran straight into the flowery abyss and flopped into the ground. You trotted over to him, laughing and snapping photos of the hill line and the fluffy white clouds. 

He giggled and you looked down to the boy underneath you. You took a picture of him and smiled. 

Scanning back through the photos on the small screen, you think if you’d been a least a foot farther from him you wouldn’t have heard what he said quietly.

“You’re very pretty yeh know.”

You snapped up to look at him, a bit surprised from the compliment.

“Oh, thank you. You are too.”

 He crinkled his nose at your response, groaning and then sitting up enough to wrap an arm around your was it and drag you down to his level. 

“Harry!”

You scream, sorta laughing as your fall was buffered by the flower bed. The sky was lovely, a bright blue. Clouds were scattered around and the wind slightly pickup, making you shiver. 

“Come ‘ere.”

 He said softly, pulling you rest your head don his chest. You held your camera up to his face, showing him a picture. 

“This one is gonna be for ‘silly’.” You said. 

“It’s perfect.” 

You thought so too.

A cheer shook you out of your trip down memory lane.

Right, the concert.

You gripped you camera in your hand and scanned the stage to find the boy you were suppose to be taking shots over.

Or off of…

Stop it Y/N!

He looked good, decked out in the black and white patterned suit.

 “ ‘ve ripped man trousers!” You heard him say with a laugh.

You rolled your eyes, this boy. After a few more songs, he starts up Anna and you laugh. Oh this song.

You’re taking photos, bopping slightly to it, hey it’s a catchy song!

But then he turns to you and gives you a smile.

Oh no.

The lights shining off his suit and hair make him seem like he’s sparkling, and that smile just made your heart stop. 

It’s like you’re fully seeing him in a different light and it’s breathtaking.

Oh, fuck, maybe I do like him.

You’re pacing in your hotel room.

Slightly freaking out.

“I like him! I can’t believe it, Maggie was right I’ve got a stupid crush! I can’t— this, how?” 

You talk to yourself, trying to figure out when it all added up for you. The little touches, him saving you from the crowd that one time, sneaking out and touring Amsterdam, even the way you interacted with each other was different from the rest of the band. 

“I’m—I’m totally overthinking this right? There’s no way…”

 You’ve never felt this way before, the heart races when he smiles, the look he gives you after a laugh, when you hug or snuggle into him on the couch, how his cologne smells making you feel at home and loved.

You stopped pacing.

“Oh my god, am I in love with Harry Styles?!”

Yes, yes I am.

You turn, gobsmacked and flop onto your bed.

What am I gonna do…

You’re in the terminal in at 5am, waiting for the flight to Milan.

It’s dead quiet sans the occasional custodian worker of business group getting off an all-night flight. 

You’re standing at a sunglass kiosk, trying on different pairs in the little round mirror set up. The band is across the wide walkway sitting on various chairs waiting for the flight. 

Maybe or maybe not you’d been slightly avoiding Harry since the night of your little proclamation. During the Madrid show, you’d opted out of taking photos, instead going out to look around the city and maybe pick up enough stupid tourist gifts to make you forget. 

Thankfully Harry didn’t seem to notice your sudden change in moods, unfortunately it meant he was coming over to you right now and you couldn’t stop it.

“Like any of the sunnies?” 

He asked, grabbing a pair and popping them on and making a funny face at. You shrugged, not answering. 

Oh great, now he seemed to have picked up on your inner turmoil when you didn’t speak, taking the glasses off and putting them back in their rightful place. 

“You okay?” 

He asked quietly, concern coating the edge of his words. 

You nodded, pushing back some of you hair behind your ear and turning to the small mirror to look at your reflection. 

“ ‘m just a bit tired.” You answered, hoping that would be enough for him. 

He nodded, thinking for a moment then holding up his phone. 

“Picture?” 

You smiled, “H it’s 5am I don’t look the nicest for a picture right now” 

“Oh come on Y/N you’re gorgeous any time of day.”

Not helping.

“Fine fine, but I don’t want to be seen.” 

He opened the camera and pointed it into the mirror, “Okay then how are we gonna take this picture love?” 

You wrapped you hands around his head to cover his eyes, “Like this goofball.”

 He smiled, “You’re the goofball right now.” 

After throwing up a peace sign with his spare hand, he snapped the picture and then checked to see if it was good. 

“I like, ‘m gonna post it.” 

You yawned and nodded to his statement.

Guess I wasn’t fully lying, I am pretty tired.

“H, we’re ready to go.” 

Mitch called, you both grabbed your suitcases and rejoined the group, following the flight attendant into the small plane. 

You were first in line down the aisle and quickly found a seat in the back of the plane, hoping Harry would opt to sit with someone else a few seats in front of you, after all there were only about 20 seats in the plane, hopefully he’d pick not pick the one right next to you.

I’ve got too much to think about, I might burst into flames if I have to smell his vanilla spice cologne for the next two hours.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Fuck.

“Yeah sure.” 

He slid into the seat with ease, tucking his bag under the chair. You curled into the corner of your seat, trying to put a small bit of distance between you but not too much to make him worried. 

Harry turned to look at you, propping his left elbow up on the squishy armrest between the two of you. 

“I remember the first tour we did fo’ 1D, got ’t was hectic. Stupid, teenagers on the road wit’ too much money an’ not enough discipline. The first month was crazy, all of us high on the feelin’ of performing once we’d gotten over the stage fright, then immediately going t’ a new town, meetin all these people, ’t was a dream. But then a couple months later we could feel the toll, I don’t think I really realized how exhausted I was from touring until the last night where instead o' celebratin, I went to sleep right when we entered the hotel an’ didn’t wake up till 3pm the next day.” 

Harry’s little heart spill didn’t help you too much with your dilemma, might’ve just made you fall for him even more, but you appreciated the fact that he was trying to let you know he knew the feeling. 

“Thanks H.” 

You mumbled, face squished into the headrest of your seat. 

He patted his shoulder, “Come ‘ere, yeh can fall asleep on me.” 

Your eyes widen, “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m fine—“ 

“Nonsense, come on, you’ll wake up without a creak in yo’r neck yea?”

Fuck it.

“Alright.” 

You scooched over and nestled into the British heart-throb, soaking in that damn vanilla cologne you’d sworn to avoid.

He laid his head on top of yours and you made yourself relax, cause you couldn’t deny it, it was pretty comfy like this with him.

Pretty comfy indeed.

During the concert, all you can think about while taking pictures is how the Styles boy might be sweeping you right off your feet. 

The little dance moves he makes, so erotic but beautiful in the same way, like he’s in another room dancing on his own in the dark. The way he throws he head back during certain parts of a song, caught up in the moment—

She’s such a good girl,

“Be professional! You’re on job for gods sake,” You muttered to yourself, raising the camera again.

She feels so good,

She feels so good,

But then you lower the camera again to watch as he rocked his hips with the beat, jaw-dropping at the sight. You looked up to his face as he turns, that was now looking at you.

He started to strut on the stage, slowing making his way to you, eye contact unwavering.

“I met her once and wrote a song about her

I wanna scream, yeah

I wanna shout it out

And I know she hears me now.”

Hold on, knows?!

He finally let his eyes drift back to the crowd, singing la la las with the rest of the band. 

You on the other hand, were having a miniature heat attack.

The gesture was so raw, so real, too real. It’s like he was talking to your soul, reaching out to tell you—

Does this mean he likes me too?

telephone hour for this chapter!

mah masterlist

<3

[taki118]

Sorry but I love Rise’s April and I think she’s the perfect evolution to the character

I’ve said it once but I’m gonna elaborate on it here Rise’s April O’Neil is the best adapted version and Imma tell you all why by sadly having to compare her to the 2k12 version (as they are they closest in a narrative sense & cause 2k12 stans do it all the time). 

First off the creators themselves have admitted she is the honorary 6th Turtle in their eyes and everything about her just screams that. She’s extreme,  a little off beat, and up for anything especially if its action packed. Like why do you think her jacket is green?! And this just feels so natural April has ALWAYS been an important part of the team and i’ll be honest the main reason i was upset with the new turtle in the comics is cause she uses yellow.....THATS APRIL’S COLOR HOW DARE YOU. 

Another is WHY she’s hanging out with the turtles. I’ve said it before but every previous April needed a reason external to herself to hang in the sewers with humanoid turtles. I remember back when the 2k12 series was getting hyped to air the creators had said something along the lines of “You might be wondering why a teenage girl would hang out with turtles in this series we have a reason” And i was excited for that but much like pervious versions it was external factors and the only kinda internal one was that she’s not entirely human herself. 

Like we never really saw 2k12 April interact outside her life with the turtles not really, we never saw her not connecting with her peers, we never saw her showcasing her interests outside of team stuff, but you know which April does? ROTTMNTs 

We get a few eps where we see April doesn’t fit in at her school and it’s not cause she’s secretly part alien/mutant thing, it’s cause what she likes isn’t popular and it effects her like any other teenager. We haven’t gotten a flashback to her first meeting but I get the feeling after initial shock April didn’t care these were weird mutant turtle guys just that she found people she connects with. I mean we kinda see this with Sunita. We also see there are things April loves that the turtles don’t get like her being a fan of Warren Stone. And this serves to better make April a more fleshed out member of the cast. 

Another BIG reason (at least for me) is this April is never sexualized like at all. It’s a well known fact April has always been the eye candy of TMNT and don’t you dare say she wasn’t sexualized in 2k12. Like look her standard outfit isn’t awful I mean it has the really bad layering fashion that every show at the time had (like is she wearing a black full body suit underneath? Who would layer like this?) but despite this was very skin tight to show all her curves. Now you can say thats cause of cg its needed to make the animation easier but you know what wasn’t needed? the giant star on her ass

It’s like a your eye naturally goes to it cause its such a bright color and kinda out of place that makes you go “is that suppose to be there?” I know I did when i watched the first ep. OH and not to mention the ridiculous amount of ass shots this teenager gets

and these were just pics on the wiki that i thought like “Could you really not find a better way to frame this?” like i didn’t go looking for these (And this isnt all of them) Now her Ninja outfit is a little better and oddly a little looser but uh hey guess what it still has?

YEP THAT FUCKING ASS STAR AND OF CORSE HER WEAPON IS ON THE HIP AND NOT THE BACK

oh and lets not forget this “loving” homage to the 80′s series 

Yeahhhhhhh everyone knows the yellow jumpsuit is fetished to hell by older fans did we really need Donnie & Casey oggling her? Oh and lets of corse mention that one of her big over arching plots was a will they, won’t they/love triangle to further showcase her as an object of desire. And I’m pretty sure there was an ep where a full grown man was obsessed with her. 

Now by Contrast Rise’s April has a very simple and clean desgin. It def took some cues from the 2k12 design what with the leggings and sporty look. But its far more simplified and guess what it doesnt have? A giant look at her butt star! Rather it has a desgin to bring your eyes up to her back.

In fact the shirt it self seems be made long and loose enough that scenes 2k12 April was subjected to would be avoided 

Seriously theses were the closest I found on the wiki. Now lets look at some alternate Outfits she wears and once again we get this simple clean loose look but still looks cute and feminine. 

Like lets be real her ninja outfit is top teir. Plus they made a bunny girl outfit look cute. 

And lets compare April’s intro to her series they are all typically similar in that they need to turtles to rescue them. Now 2k12 April we see her walking with her dad silently before getting captured all we learn about her before the rescue is that Donnie thinks she’s pretty thats it. A character intro is suppose to show the core of who they are the turtles here had it Splinter had it and their choice for April is to let everyone know that she’s pretty. That’s uh not a good look they could have had her talking to her dad about something but nope.

Now lets look at Rise’s April intro. She’s screaming excitedly taking pictures as the turtles do their pool dive showcasing her love of the extreme and fun personality first and foremost as they chose to make the choice that April already knows these guys to streamline things. We know immediately she’s a part of this group, she’s fun loving and the camera is a nice little nod to her interest in journalism to be show cased later. All this in a few seconds. 

And I’m sorry 2k12 April but the fact that she becomes basically ninja Jean Grey doesn’t change the fact that she is constantly shown off in a sexual way. And i’m not saying sex appeal is bad I’m saying that when it towards a character whos 16 at a show aimed at kids its kinda like who’s this really for?

Speaking of fighting I got a great love for the completely un-trained taking whatevers around and going to town style. It’s definitely suits the street wise city girl the writers are going for and even harkens back to the 80′s version of the character who’d use her wits grab whatever is around and get the job done. Its not as technical or “ninja” but it feels her own and less male gazey as lets be real action girl is a trope that can easily fall under that.  

There’s also the fact that April is JUST the turtles bestie. It’s kinda crazy how even now how rare a having a main female character who isn’t a love interest on a show with a target audience for boys. This April shows you can Love someone and not be IN love with someone. 

Overall I’d say Rises April is the natural progression of the character as she’s changed through the years an adaptations taking little cues from each. 

80′s- Her interest in reporting, documenting, news and do whatever she can to get new info 2000s’- Her tech abilities & interest, willingness to get down and dirty in a fight, using her wits to her advantage 2012- Her age and relationship with the turtles and desire to be there for her boys

This April is amazing and I need to see more of her. She’s the Turtles girl with a plan, their partner in crime, overall bestie and honorary turtle.

(Sorry about the outfit tangent but it’s bugged me for years)

[rainbowcolouredstudies]

Mental Health Studying Tips!

So I know that a lot of us are struggling with their mental health and I know from my own experience how hard it can be to study when you are depressed, anxious, have panic attakcs etc. There is not one solution that fits everybody, but there are solutions that help a lot of people and even if they may not help always, they may help sometimes; and that´s why I want to share them with you guys.

Environment

Bevor you start to study, think about your environment and about your needs. You live alone at home or with a family that harms your mental health? You hate being alone in a quiet room? You have very little room at home or many distractions? Then you should probably avoid studying at home. But what can you do instead? Well, there are multiple places you could go, depending on your requirements!

o   Study with friends! If you need to be with people to not drown in your own thoughts or triggers, study in a group or at least with one friend. This is especially great, if you need lots of social contact or distractions from yourself. Explain the topic to each other, practise together, maybe write an excerpt together.

o   Get a baby sitter (for a small calm child or baby) or an cat/dog sitter job! This gives you access to a totally different place. A calm child won´t need that much attention all the time as many children have lots of toys for playing alone. Animals neither need constant attention but they are a great comfort if you are struggling with your mental health. This of course is a bit risky because the child or animal might need lots of attention but it can be worth a try, especially if you can filter out the ones over time, that stress you and only keep the clients that allow you a relaxed study atmosphere.

o   Go to a library! Whether it is a public one or the one of your school/university, there will be lots of seats and often even multiple computer and printer that you can use for a really little amount of money. Of course you have to hope to get a seat there but most cities have some „hidden“ libraries, unknown to most people and therefore less crowed. Adult education centres too have often rooms with tables to which the public has access. And most universities have huge reading halls where you can work in a quiet and calm atmosphere. Make a list of all the places your city offers and find out, where you are most comfortable.

o   In summer, you can study outside: Be it in the park, beside a river order in a forest even. You can either look up such places or just walk around till you find places you like. This is of course not ideal if you have to use a laptop, but if you charge it before leaving your home, it will give you some hours of studying between sunlight and singing birds – which can be very calming and grounding.

o   If you are the type for auditive studying (which does not work for all subjects but for many) you can record yourself explaining the topics and then listen to these records while going for a walk. This is especially good if you tend to have too much energy to sit for a long time.

o   Many people also study in a Café. You are not alone but you also don´t have to communicate. Of course you mostly have to consume a drink so this can be a bit difficult if you have financial problems. Also you should search for a Café that has tables that are big enough for your laptop or books. Look for a Café that´s not too crowed or you might have to consume all the time in order to stay there.

These of course are situations that can be problematic. They are limited to certain times, space limits like empty seats and weather circumstances. That´s why I do recommend these study environments only for those, who have no other choice because either their mental health or their family makes it impossible to study at home. If you are one of these people, then you´ll need a tight time schedule; everything has to be planned and coordinated because you basically have to finish your studying till these places close.  I therefore also ask all the other people, that can study at home, that don´t have problems with studying in their own room, to leave the seats a bit more often to the ones that need them more!

But this is not the only thing that counts as environment. Even if you study at home there are so many factors you have to decide:

-        Do you need to have it cosy? Then you will probably love studying in your bed or, if it is carpeted, on the floor. Yes, studying on the floor can be great because you have lots of space and you can use a notebook or laptop as table on your lap so that you will be able to write properly. When reading it is even more pracitcal!

-        If you have troubles staying awake, definitely choose a normal table. This can be the table at your room but it can also be in the kitchen or the living room if it is quiet enough there. Often the kitchen table is the biggest so that may be great if you have to work with many books!

-        If you have a balcony or garden, this is also a great place to study. But make sure your paper sheets won´t fly away!

Make always sure to study at a place where you feel safe but also not distracted! Your mental stability is one of the most important factors for successful studying.

Okay, so now you know where you want to study. Now you need…

The Setup

The setup basically means what you surround yourself with during your study sessions. Find things that motivate you, that remind you of something beautiful or positive but that don´t distract you too much. This might be cute pastel stationery or maybe a plushie that calms you. Crystals also help for many people. Basically it should be something that makes the study space a safe zone for you. If you study in your own room, this is very easy: print out beautiful calming pictures, buy one or two easy to handle plants, maybe some fairy lights or other decorations. Get sticky notes and highlighter in the colours that calm you the most. If you have a bit more money, buy framed pics in these colours, sheets, carpets, curtains. Anything that helps you relax is great. But attention! You don´t have to find beige and white and black, or pastel colours or glitter or rosegold or succulents relaxing. A wooden skull, black walls, a picture from Dali and an old clock can do the same for you maybe. Or maybe you need some space aesthetics? Maybe science fiction, fantasy, wildlife…anything can be right for you. It does not have to fit the tumblr standards of a perfect studyblr; it has to fit your standards and only yours!

Make sure to keep everything you need at hand. Having to get up and search for study materials can really harm your focus or motivation. So get all the books you will need, the laptop, the charging wires, paper and pencils, water and maybe a snack. Especially when you don´t study at home it is important that you take everything with you – you´ll not want to hurry back. Also make sure to have enough light – best is natural day light but if you cannot have these, a soft yellow light is often better for your mental health than a bright and cold white one. Fresh air is important too. Find music, that helps you relax, no matter what kind of music this is.

The time schedule

Especially when you have issues with your mental health, a well planned time schedule is important so you won´t get stressed. Make a to-do-list for everything you need to get done. Then draw a star beside the things that you have to get done until tomorrow. Do these things thirst. Afterwards, allow yourself a break but don´t stop studying for that day. The further you get, the less stress you will have. Study until you find you are getting tired – often physical tiredness comes short before a mental health issue. Stop as soon as you get too tired, so that you won´t trigger your anxiety or depression (I know for many people it is always there, but it can be stronger or less string. Tiredness makes every mental health issue stronger and this something that you can truly avoid.) Okay, so stop. Just stop. You´ve done as much as you could and you can´t do more now – your mental and physical health is still more important than your grades!

Don´t go to bed immediately. Having no free time is one of the worst things you can do to your mental health! Enjoy something: Go out for a walk or talk to a friend, watch a movie, read a chapter oft he book you wanted to read for ages. Sit back and listen to music, close your eyes and just enjoy it. Write in your mental health journal, and if you don´t have one, go get one now! (I will make a post about that topic soon). Don´t go too much on social media. You will just compare yourself to others and feel less successful. You can and should be proud of your success so please don´t let anyone ruin it!

What to do:

-        Document your success – be it in a journal, a bullet journal, a students planner, just a sheet of paper or a Word document. Write down what you did, even if it was not much.

-        Before you start to work, write down what you have to do. Break it down into smaller bits so you can cross out the bullet points more often.

-        Reward yourself! Be it with small things like allowing yourself to read a chapter of your favorite book in the evening or maybe with bigger things. For example, once you managed to finish that important paper, 25-pages, professionally researched; once you managed that, you go out to the movies our buy yourself some stationery or the new CD you love. Or maybe you just relax for a day and try not to think about studying.

-        Avoid expectations! Don´t tell yourself that you have to get a certain grade. Just do your best and it will be enough.

-        Make sure you don´t plan to much for a day. Otherwise you will feel overwhelmed which again can trigger you. So be pessimistic when making the plan for that day and the plan will turn out realistic. Trust me, it works most of the time.

-        Spend your breaks with things that calm you and where you know that they won´t trigger you.

-        Don´t have a set schedule when you will take breaks and when you will study. Take a break when you need one and don´t be to hard on yourself.

-        Write on top of every page of your excerpts a line from a song or a movie, some kind of quote that will make you smile.

-        Write down these quotes basically everywhere: one on every page of your planner, one in every study book you own, etc.

-        Put cute stickers or printed pics basically everywhere. They will remind you of hope and light and of all the beautiful things in your life.

-        Don´t look at what lies ahead of you but at what you have already accomplished.

-        Eat food that helps your mental health: for example, avocado. Avoid lots of fat: it makes you feel tired and heavy which again can trigger a lot of bad emotions.

-        Avoid too emotional music. Listen to songs that can´t trigger bad memories or thoughts.

-        Don´t even start to study when you literally don´t feel like it. Instead, do something that improves your mental health of that moment: any hobby that helps you, a song, going for a walk, petting you dog or dog, talking to your fish, taking a nap, whatever…Once you are a bit more stable, start with an easy task that you can finish in short time. It will give you a feeling of success and therefore motivate you to get done more. Slowly intensify the difficulty of your tasks.

What not to do:

-        There are people that can get really bad symptoms from caffeine, I know, it keeps you awake and coffee tastes nice and everything. But if you have issues with your mental health, please be careful! It can literally cause you some kinds of short-time hallucinations. Also, and that is a problem for even more of us, it makes you feel more awake then you are; you won´t feel it early enough when your body gets tired to prevent your mind from getting tired. And therefore, it is way harder to avoid triggering your mental illness.

-        Don´t isolate yourself, at least not after you finished for that day. Isolation harms us so badly. Even if it´s no deep talk about your feeling, just talking to your friend about what you achieved today or about your plans for the next holidays can help a lot. Communication and social interaction DO help us, even when we feel sociophobic – but you have to be careful and avoid toxic people.

-        Often times, bright cold white light can give you not only a headache but might trigger negative emotions. We associate cold white light with hospitals, with strict offices, with tough university classes. When we see these lights during our study time, all these associations are triggered – and with them, lots of negative emotions.

-        Never compare yourself with what others get done. Compare yourself with your former self and try to improve. But even if you don´t, remember that you are always doing your best – and that is always enough!

[rattusrattus3]

You're so magical! How do I add more magic to my life? Tell me your secrets goddex!

asdfghj this is such a cute ask ahhh thank u!!!! i am not an expert but ! in lieu of ur question i actually made a faecare tag on my blog that is full of very cute self care ideas that are very elf/fairy/angel like and may appeal to u! 

ok for my personal advice :) this is just stuff i like and u might like too but no need to feel pressure ! 

spend time with animals if u can! this can look different depeneding on ur situation but maybe u have a pet or a friends pet? or just go buy some bird seed and leave it outside ur window for ur bird friends! find a crow and feed them a shelled, organic, unsalted peanut! maybe go on a walk and smile to urself when u see a cute dog? either way, ime, animal interaction makes me feel magical

in the same vein, go outside! if u can! this can literally look like going outside ur door where there is one single tree and puddles and mud and gravel but u can spend time with the tree and tell it hello and hang out and try to meet the spirits that inhabit the area around u ! try to give offerings to the earth when u go outside! try to pick up litter and tell the earth you love her 

on the same note, talk to the moon and tell her about ur day and how much you love her! spend time hanging out near a window at night with the moon and stars and a cup of tea and ur thoughts and maybe some music and a candle 

yes candles are so good i highly reccomend :) i particularly like vanilla scented candles so maybe get one of those? or one of whatever scent u like! 

find music/podcasts u like and play them all the time! i find my day and life feels a lot better when i have media that i like around me 

clean ur space if u can or just tidy it 

drink water and be nice to yourself, give yourself lots of compliments and lots of love and try to treat urself with the same care and love u would give to a partner u love or a dear friend or a beloved pet 

putting lotion that smells nice on after a hot shower and doing skin care is sooooo goooood ! i particularly like shea/cocoa butter lotions and anything lavander scented, LUSH has a great one 

i love glitter like body and face glitter! try to get a enviornmentally sound one! but one i love is (again, sorry) from lush its called Fairy dust and its pink and sparkly and smells like bubblegum and is so nice (i cant find it online but maybe u can find it in store)? they have lots of nice powders, like i have another one from them that is lavander and sparkly and ill put it in my bed before i sleep and wake up smelling rally nice.. barring that just take some cornstarch and lavander essential oil and make ur own :)

make art! whatever that means to u! dont care if it “looks good” because art is about the feelings u have while u make it i think! 

try to do mental health work! whatever that means to u. I like therapy and meds and The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast

i like to journal but im bad at it but if u just keep a note book and keep stuff in it like ticket stubs and recipets and stuff its cool to look back on so take pics or write stuff down bc u will probably like to look back on this time as memories in the future

figure out how to be comfy and wear what makes u comfy!

do fun makeup if u want to :) 

i love u! hope this was good for u but i highly reccomend looking at that faecare tag bc theres lots more magical advice in there !!

[mxnark]

ball of fire n. a dynamic person capable of or displaying rapid and highly effective thought, action, etc.:

(aka the moving out solo)

it’s obvious that the past month hadn’t been the kang household’s favorite due to recent events involving the daughter. a drift had been caused by the fact that mina was essentially going against her mother’s wishes for her. rather than doing what her mother thought was best for her in order to live a happy life, she instead followed her heart- wait that’s too cheesy- her gut by signing a contract and going home in hours so late that she is the only one making a peep in the house as she quietly walks to her room.

though she didn’t get to see her mother for most of her days, she couldn’t deny her presence in the house. she was sure her mother couldn’t deny her own daughter’s, either. she feels as if her mother had a cloud of disappoint in her head over the fact that mina isn’t the daughter she had hoped to be. mina’s cloud, on the other hand, was of guilt over the whole situation. and her usual bright, fiery personality is dimmed by the late hour when she opens the door to her home.

there are nights where she doesn’t even go to her home at all. in the last month, she asked to stay at daniel’s after practicing for evaluations with her group. she doesn’t go in-depth with her reasons as to why, but she thinks he understands enough if he lets her stay over. and on those nights, the ache in her heart is more faint.

that’s the reason as to why she and her father are carrying things out to his car. it was going to take her to the train to her new home with chungha. somewhere closer from work. further from… here. it makes sense, anyway. with her being a new addition to the hertz project that the older was also involved in, it only strengthened her choice in wanting to move in with her. and thankfully, she said yes, despite the fact she knew how rambunctious kang mina could be. (she jokes… mostly.)

as he closes the trunk of his car, he looks over at her and asks her a question. “you wanna say bye to your mom before you go?” mina makes a face. “come on. please?”

“okay,” she says with a sigh, walking into the house to head for her mother’s room. the closed door is more intimidating than it should be for her. after all, she hasn’t… verbally spoken with her mother since everything happened.

she knocks on it, taking a few seconds before twisting the knob and peeking in to see what her mother was up to. she was faced away from the door, looking at something that mina couldn’t see from outside. she decides to go in properly to talk to her mother.

“mom,” she starts off, her voice going silent due to timidness. “i’m getting ready to move. i just wanted to let you know. dad and i already got everything in the car, so i’m good to go.”

silence in response. that’s fair, in her opinion. she thinks she deserves it, to be honest.

“i wanted to let you know before i had to go on my way,” she continued, feeling more and more embarrassed as she spoke. “and… thank you for all these years of taking care of me. i know you and dad do a lot for me and i know i act ungrateful sometimes. i guess i was just upset about moving to korea.” and about other things, but she didn’t want to anger her mother with her honest thoughts about the family. she feels as if she’s better than that.

“thank you for loving me and always looking out for me.” though it feels weird to say, considering everyone in this house knew that her mother and her certainly didn’t see eye to eye on what was best for the girl. “i know i’m not the best daughter, especially with all that’s happened. but i’m thankful for all that you’ve done for me. i’m not good at letting you know, but i love you. a lot.” she bows her head to the other to end her speech. it felt… polite, but also fitting for her to do.

she waits for a response from her mother. with the fact that she was more closer to her than she was while waiting outside her door, she was able to see more of what her mother was doing. she had a book open. and it didn’t take long for mina to figure out what she was doing before she heard her mother sniff, still not looking at mina at all while she was there.

she turns around to save herself from staying any longer. she knew that if she did, she’d only regret her decision and she didn’t want to. this was good for her. but even if so, it hurt to basically have the fact that she hurt her mother be confirmed.

a tear strolls down her cheek, but she wipes it with the back of her finger, sniffling as a way to hold herself together. after taking a deep breath and blinking her eyes rapidly to dry her eyes from spilling any more, she walks downstairs before heading outside to the car once again. she walks up to her dad and he looks at her with a small smile. she’s not sure what it means. it was either pride or sympathy.

“you ready to go?”

she nods her head.

“alright. let’s go.”

ginger is a color she’s never really thought of trying before. she was always afraid of the concept of bleaching her hair. the lightest her hair was before this was a red-tinted brown and that was because she used cheap box-dye for brown hair. but she didn’t hate the hair. in fact she loved it, as she was the one who asked for it. sure, the process of it was itchy for her scalp, but the result came out perfectly. and she feels a lot more confident.

she makes sure to post her selfies as soon as she comes home, her face all smiley after she had just seen her boyfriend. as soon as she gets on her bed, she grabs her phone to send him a few texts, the happiness still very much in her as she wishes him a good night. god, never did she think she’d be all giddy because of a boy. but she’s happy that boy is choi soobin. she’d rather it be him than anyone else.

kang mina. in a relationship. she really couldn’t get that thought out of her head.

she lies in bed on her phone for a few minutes before she jolts up, having the urge to write her thoughts down. there was a lot she wanted to record in her journal since the last time she had written in it. and only half of them were about how soobin makes her so happy. gosh, she’s bonkers for him to the point that it’s embarrassing.

as soon as she finds the journal and her usual pen, she begins to write in it.

august 2020

i have so much to update you on!

it’s only been a month since i became a trainee in sphere and i just got added in the heartz project! it’s a project that sphere’s doing for their upcoming girl group and three girls have already debuted!!! OMG it’s so exciting to be involved with such a project!!! there’s a lot of talented girls in the project. like yoorim (who joined the same time i did!!! we have so much in common it’s kind of scary), chungha, the lee gahyeon, and the yuzu!!! and so much more cool people!!!! unfortunately, it means i won’t be doing evaluations with my brother or other trainee friends until the project is over (or if i debut. but that’s a big if! there’s so many talented girls in the project!!). but, the coaches must’ve seen something in me, so all i can do is work hard and prove myself that i’m worthy!!!! and also make more friends, because everyone is seriously so cool. >_<

i also dyed my hair!!! it’s ginger… or orange? or red??? i don’t know but it’s that color!! and i look really cool with it tbh!! i kinda look like beverly marsh when she had long hair… or ladybird… or flame princess… or any cool person who has had ginger hair. either way, i look super cute with it!!

and i showed soobin a pic of me with it and he was so cute omgggg ㅠㅠ ugh he’s seriously so great every time i talk about him i get all smiley and butterflies get in my stomach and !!!! yeah wow i need to have another entry talking about how much i like him it’s kind of embarrassing but thankfully i can be all gross about how much i like him in here

i finally moved out of my parents’... it was hard, i will admit. having lived there for so long since i came back to korea does that, i guess. i don’t think i would’ve moved out had it not been for the getting casted thing. i always thought i’d leave after i graduated from ungrad school then move onto grad school. but, i’m not going to school!!! so that much has happened lol

i’m going to miss a lot of stuff about living with them, but i know it’s for the better. idk if i’d want to see my mom for a while. maybe my dad, but not her. idk we’ll see! for now, i’m just happy that i’m living somewhere better. and with someone i can look up to!! even if i am getting closer to chungha unnie, i really do think she’s such a cool person and i hope she can debut in heartz, soon… and hopefully i can debut with her!! but we’ll see what the future holds!!!

and i’ll keep you updated on that future, too!!

that’s all!! i’m getting tired and i don’t want to drool on u lolol gn!! will write in u… in a month maybe? 

after she finishes the last sentence, she closes the book and starts to get ready for bed. 

[ignis-scientia-estrogen-brigade]

~ISEB in Japan: A Photo Journal~

If you’ve been following me on Twitter lately, you’ll know that I’ve been traveling through parts of Japan the last couple of weeks with my Ignis Play Arts Kai figure in tow. I posted a few pictures over there during the duration of my trip, but those barely scratched the surface of everything I got to do while in Japan. So I thought I’d put together a blog post of my journey while it was still fresh in my mind, featuring everyone’s favorite strategist in what I’ve been dubbing my Great Final Fantasy XV Adventure of 2019!

[Image-heavy content + commentary under the cut]

A brief backstory: I’ve wanted to go to Japan my entire adult life. For years, I’ve watched friends make the trek while I’ve been stuck at home with a severe case of FOMO. The only thing that ever stopped me from going was money (or a lack thereof), so I made the decision last summer to buckle down and sock away every dime I made to make it happen. My only concern before hopping on the plane was that I had missed the wave of FFXV popularity by about a year, but I would quickly learn that—other than not getting to eat any of Ignis’ recipes at the Square Enix Cafe—I had little to worry about.

Literally the only reason I brought my Play Arts Kai figure was so I could take this picture of Ignis at the Citadel (a.k.a. the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building), which was the very first place I stopped at on my first full day in Tokyo. The building + the surrounding plaza, while not 100% accurate, is a fairly impressive facsimile of the one in the game. It’s located in Shinjuku, which also boasts a lot of similarities to Insomnia. Having finished Episode Ardyn mere hours before jetting off on my trip, it felt like I had stepped off the plane and right into the game!

There just so happened to be an Animate right near the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building, so I popped in to get a feel for what kind of FFXV merch I’d be able to find two years after the game’s release and a year after its height of popularity. Turns out, there was quite a lot of swag to be found! Truth be told, I’ve never been one to chase down official merchandise (unfortunately my job doesn’t really afford that luxury), but I gave myself special permission while on vacation to buy anything I wanted. So I did! Including everything you see above. ^^;;

The next thing I did was take the train to Ginza to meet Lyle/@landscape-gonna  (@landscape_gonna on Twitter), and I simply cannot say enough nice things about her. If you don’t know who she is, there’s a 99.9% chance you’ve seen at least one of her Ignis costumes, and they are A. M. A. Z. I. N. G. We had chatted a bit previously on Twitter before I went full-on stan mode, asking her if she'd be willing to meet up with me (a total stranger) to have lunch and talk Ignis and Final Fantasy. Not only did she say yes, but she gifted me with copies of her incredible cosplay zines and was not the least embarrassed when I busted out my Play Kai Arts figure in the middle of a busy Japanese dessert restaurant haha.

See? Zero embarrassment here.

We even did Noct’s ultimate pose! In public!

I can’t begin to articulate how special meeting Lyle was for me—being brought together from opposite sides of the world to share in our love for Ignis/FFXV is a memory I will cherish my entire life. So Lyle, if you are reading this: どうもありがとうございます ! ٩( ᐛ )( ᐖ )۶

Lyle wasn't the only friend I had in Japan. Another friend of mine, Asuka (who happens to be well-versed in anime/video game culture), volunteered to be my guide through Ikebukuro/Otome Road the next day. Quick otaku lesson: Kbooks is a chain of stores that specializes in the resale of licensed merchandise. For example, if you missed out on some of the limited availability items from the Movic and the Square Enix Cafe collaborations, you might be able to find them at a Kbooks. Otome Road in particular has something like seven different Kbook shops in a 3-block radius, each one specializing in different products (sports anime, idols, cosplay, etc). I, of course, beelined for the video game shop...

...which is where I found this fucking thing:

I’m not gonna lie, I almost bought it. I just didn’t know what I would do with it besides scare the living daylights out of people when they least expected it lol.

Yoooo Adam I found ya boi in Ikebukuro

We popped into the cosplay Kbooks shop since it was right across the street and I found an Ignis costume for sale! Please enjoy this picture of me pretending to come up with a new recipeh (since this is likely the closest I’ll ever come to cosplaying as Ignis).

One of the things Asuka introduced me to was Hanami (picnic under the cherry blossoms, basically). I had timed my trip to coincide with the blooming of the sakura, and the experience of being in Japan during that time was indescribable. I took a bajillion pictures of the sakura while I was there and unfortunately none of my photos ever quite captured the beauty and magic of them in person, but here’s a lil’ pic of a tree in bloom at Yoyogi Park (with the Movic Ignis charm I bought at Kbooks earlier that day).

Another item on my Japan checklist was to stay at a ryokan (traditional Japanese inn) in Hakone, a town famous for its onsen/hot springs. Nothing in Hakone is cheap (at least, not during peak sakura season), and I had spent an absurd amount of money on a night at one particular ryokan with a private bath (shy husband haha). The private bath could only be reserved in 30-minute increments, and by the time we finally rolled into Hakone the bath we wanted only had one slot available for the rest of the night. So what did I do?

If you said, “Waste the first 15 minutes of your 30-minute, super-expensive onsen experience taking the perfect Ignis-in-a-hot-springs photo” then you would be absolutely correct lol.

I actually wasn’t planning on taking a bunch of photos of my Ignis figure on this trip, but after my husband tucked Ignis into my futon while I was in the bathroom, documenting my trip vicariously through Ignis ended up taking on a life of its own. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I popped back over to Tokyo after my stay in Hakone, which is when I finally got to make the Great Nerd Pilgrimage™ to the Square Enix Cafe! Had the FFXV collab been going on while I was there, I might’ve forked over the cash to eat at the cafe, but I opted to skip out on lunch so I could spend more money in their shop. They still had a small collection of FFXV merch...

...including this acrylic Ignis stand that I wanted but thought I would never own after failing to find it at Kbooks earlier in the week. Huzzah!

Also, I just feel the need to let everyone know that this is what the outside of the Square Enix Cafe in Tokyo looks like lmao.

Our next stop was Kyoto, which we arrived in on Gladio’s birthday (April 2nd). Unfortunately I didn’t have time to draw anything for his b-day, but we did stop for a Nissin Cup Noodle in honor of Gladio!

One of the most memorable moments of my trip was when this boating incident happened, and it requires a little bit of backstory. On my first full day in Kyoto, I attempted to field two of the most popular tourist destinations in Kyoto: the bamboo forest in Arashiyama, and the Fushimi Inari Shrine. Both places have their beauty and historical significance, and I suspect during the off-season are inspiring sites to behold. In my case, both places were absolutely swarming with tourists, which really put a damper on my enjoyment of them. Defeated, I followed a local canal back toward my hotel, which is where I spotted a miniature boat enthusiast controlling a boat that looked eerily similar to the Royal Vessel. I pulled my Ignis figure out with the intention of simply taking a photo of the boat in the background; when the man saw me holding my figure and fumbling with my phone, he flagged me over and gestured for me to put Ignis in the boat. I wish I had documented how it all went down a little better, but as I was literally wheezing with laughter, the above was the best I could capture.

One of the more off-the-cuff decision I made was to dress in kimono for a day while in Gion (Kyoto). As the cherry blossoms were at their height during my stay there, you couldn’t sneeze without hitting someone who was dressed traditionally for the numerous festivals that were taking place throughout the city. As a white foreigner, I initially had reservations about wearing a kimono (for fear of cultural appropriation), but I did everything I could to be as respectful and reverent whilst wearing the garb (and the rental shop was certainly happy for the patronage). It was an amazing experience and I would definitely do it again!

Speaking of being respectful, I made it a point not to take pictures of Ignis while visiting any shrines (because nothing screams ‘douchey American’ quite like whipping out an action figure on sacred grounds), hence why I don’t have pictures of any of the major shrines we visited in this post. I did, however, spot this miniature shrine arch in an alleyway, and thought it would be okay for my equally miniature strategist to pay his respects.

Literally, a tiny shrine in an alleyway. I suppose even alleys have their deities!

Osaka is about 20 minutes away from Kyoto by train, and since I had already traveled all the way out to Kyoto, I went the extra few miles to stop by the Square Enix Cafe in Osaka. They actually had a smaller selection of FFXV merch than the one in Tokyo and I didn’t end up buying anything, but I would’ve never stopped wondering if I had missed out on something if I hadn’t gone and seen it for myself!

My last day in Kyoto was a week into my trip, and I still had five days left to go. After walking ~10 miles every day (no joke, I have the GPS screenshots to prove it!), I was really starting to feel the grind. I’m sure Ignis was also desperate for an Ebony after being lugged around in the bottom of my purse for a week lol.

Back on the Shinkansen (bullet train) to Tokyo!

Weeeeeee (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Said hi to Fuji-san!

Stopped for a delicious matcha parfait! (Shout-out to my husband who never once got annoyed with me whenever I busted out my figure in public spaces lol)

This was without a doubt the craziest and most unexpected find of any of my merch runs. I had gone to the video game Kbooks in Ikebukuro earlier in the week and had sifted through all their Ignis merch with a fine-toothed comb. This particular Movic charm was one I had been on the lookout for, but it was a rare pull even when they were readily available a year ago, and the only Ignis charm I came across in my first trip to Kbooks was the normal Ignis one (see my Hanami pic). I had no real reason to return to Ikebukuro after I got back from Kyoto, but on a whim I went one last time and BAM—this guy was hanging out there in his lil’ baggie, just waiting for me to get my grubby little hands on him. Jackpot!

All in all, I spent way too much money and I couldn’t be happier for it. The only thing I couldn’t find for the life of me was the Ignis cologne by Movic, but after searching through several Animates and Kbooks, I began to suspect it might be an online-exclusive item that wasn’t available in stores. (Which was probably a good thing for me cause I was already stretching my budget to the limit by this point haha.)

On my last night in Japan, I went back to the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building—only this time I went at night when it was all lit up! I also went up to the observation deck on the 45th floor (something I didn’t know you could do the first time I was there) and enjoyed a fantastic view of nighttime Insomnia Tokyo. It was the perfect bookend to a perfect trip, and my heart is absolutely overflowing right now with love for both Japan and Final Fantasy XV!