#need to move on to the rest of the body
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little peek of a piece i'm working on that i hope to finish tomorrow but ahhhh i'm in love with this belly it looks so soft!!
#been spending way too long smoothing it too haha#need to move on to the rest of the body#if you scroll waaay down on this blog you'll actually find this same piece that i made years ago#except i'm doing an updated version and by god this already looks so much better#worst thing though is while working on this i just want to draw astarion so bad#wip#edit: i'm sorry it seems like because i mentioned astarion in a tag this post is now showing up when you search for him lmao
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aaaand BUMBLEBEE 😊 !!!!
#this isnt humanformers it's just my own bumblebee design like hes very much robot still#the face plate just isnt white cus um i do wat i wanbt#LOL#human bee would have afro puffs to resemble his antennas that curl at the tops for the horns too#the lil blue things being his fluff are his door wings!#i want him to be like one of those big fuzzy fat bees where their wings are so tiny how do they even manage 2 fly#well this one does not !#goldbug tho i think should fly bcs starscream parallels and his wings are not stubby and round like bbs here#which he ruthlessly ridicules bb for and flaunts his giant bee wings#anyways bbs servo fluff helps conceal his stingers#if u look closely on the face he has a nose scar and what looks like 3 freckles on each side#but rlly theyre just rips from the nose scar breaking and moving like mini scrapes from ur big car scar#he has an arm btw i just didnt feel like blocking that part of his body where the rest of it would go so i amputated him lol#it's ok i redesigned him off of cane bumblebee so it ok bumblebee it artist interpretation ok#i love his cane tho i need to fraw him with it i just hate fullbody aint nobody got time for that (me only)#(im. lazy )#ANYWAYS yea so. this is my idea of idw bee.. i think he would discover the and bumblebee meme and Not stop saying it. actually#bumblebee got wider and slighter taller but his wings have not ever changed#bumblebee#transformers#tf#if u wanna think of it as humanformers u can but hes an android then and not like a human human so ill tag it#humanformers#tf idw#maccadam#transformers idw
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Ohh okay it's just a theory. Thank god. The thought of "him dying prompted the continent to lift" straight up didn't even occur to me. I 100% assumed the implication was that it started happening as soon as the dungeon was destroyed, it just took a few days to reach the surface (and a few days more after that to fully re-emerge, as is stated in canon)
#asks#im gonna look like an idiot if ryoko kui confirms hes dead but i. genuinely dont think she would#not after the work she put in to establish mithrun's character arc#having been a dungeon master and getting your identity devoured shouldn't be a death sentence. like#the text comes out and says that.#it says that having people who love you to fill the void helps you move past it#and thistle DOES have people looking out for him. hell even strangers he tried to kill want him to live and be safe#dungeon meshi doesnt kill characters without a really good reason. and there is no reason thistle needs to die.#it adds nothing to the text. hell it even takes AWAY from what the story has built.#and isnt the joke with yaad like#they expect him to wither away but it looks like???? hes going to get to live out the rest of this body's life as if time had stopped??#all the kingdom people too#so why should only thistle be dead for a crime everyone WANTS to forgive#is eager to forgive#wants him to be cognizant enough so that he can recognize he is being forgiven
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She heard me doing things so she came up to the side of her baby bin and blelelelele'd at me until I noticed her. She greets me every morning where we spend the first hour of every day together, her just resting in my hand and me holding her, often gently petting her head and tiny scales. If there is a heaven, that first hour we spend together is it.
She is getting a larger enclosure for her birthday in a month and a half. :D Hopefully I can get it done in time, as I haven't sculpted a custom enclosure before and will be trying some new artistic critiques. I do have experience sculpting though. My biggest worry is the paints and sealing them properly! Art I can do- but food safe art that will be in a moist bioactive enclosure is new for me.
#From her enclosure camera#hognose#hognose snake#snake#pets#She is getting a bigger enclosure soon it is preordered and we need to wait#She greets me like this every morning#She ate yesterday and should be in a food coma!#You can even see her lump#So I gave her pets and told her I love her#From inside her enclosure the photo of her being held is from yesterday#She really enjoys pets#Especially after a big meal#I need to get a video of her asking for pets#She will pet herself with her chin#And when I stop sometimes she will pet herself with her chin asking for more!#And then I will pet her and she will relax looking like she is in heaven#Those posts saying “snakes cannot enjoy being pet and will only learn to tolerate it” are absolute BS outdated information#from people who are insecure that they are less valid as humans if animals are capable of feeling love and asking for affection#My snake will LITERALLY ASK TO BE PET#And she will pet me too!#I think she saw me petting her#Thought “This feels nice. Is this what we do for each other?”#And when we are snuggling she'll wiggle over to my arm or shoulder and start petting me. She doesn't pet me in any other places.#It is a lot of effort as she has no hands and has to use her chin#moving her whole upper body#So she'll only pet me maybe 20-10 times and take a rest#Does anyone else's snake pet them?#It is unusual but I think maybe she learned it from copying me and it makes her happy ^_^#What a wonderful world we live in where snakes enjoy being pet
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I'm so. I hate knowing that limiting movement, tasks that require brainpower, sights, and sounds for a few days will make my random fatigue nausea loss of appetite brain fog difficulty following long blocks of information headaches nosebleeds and heart palpitations improve by a lot mysteriously but doing all that is so BORING. Every week my body says I will kill us both if you do literally anything this weekend and every time I am like but what if it's different this time
#broooooo. bro#then people ask me why i need so much alone time. it's because i will start to fucking die otherwise#i hateee this#i feel like it has gotten worse in the past couple of years since i moved here#i always did have brain fog even when i was a kid but it's like. it involves the whole body now#what am i doing what vitamins am i deficient in#last time i had my blood checked during a bad fatigue phase it was normal blood#so then i assumed it was autism burnout from years of just ignoring it and pushing through#because i'd get better after i rested and because there always has been a social element#but now i'm like . can i fix this with a vitamin. is there a medication
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i’m over it. i’m over calorie deficits. i’m over counting calories at all. i’m over “guilt free snacks” and “clean desserts”. i’m over numbers and stats. i’m over restriction. i’m over the fear mongering around food. i’m over it. i will eat protein and carbs and sugar, i will give myself calories. i will eat salads and pasta and brownies and everything in between, not as a punishment and not as a reward but because i genuinely enjoy them, and i will acknowledge the goodness in all of them. i’m not listening to diet culture anymore. i’m over it.
#ed tw#ed recovery#diet culture#live#i see sooo many disordered eating habits encouraged and praised on social media and i’m fucking OVER ITTT#i’m not going to listen to some random influencer#who has no education in food and nutrition and who does not know me#i’m healing. i’m moving on.#this jaw surgery and this recovery has helped me in so many ways#and this is one of them#i’m listening to my body and i’m giving her what she needs#AND what she wants#i’m not spending the rest of my life looking at numbers#i’m getting a soft pretzel
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Shit Post venting hour let's go:
Trans Bro/Trans Dirk has endometriosis (*enBROmetriosis, because people are shitty and don't get that guys have it, too), even AFTER getting a hysterectomy, because, unfortunately, sometimes our bodies are just transphobic like that. (True story, bro...) He doesn't get symptoms regularly post-op, but when they hit, they hit like a plane-wreck - it's a huge disaster for one, and it also becomes everyone else's business.
Trans Dave doesn't have endo, but still goes through a lot of pain relievers for normal cramps. He forgot to tell Bro they were out of medicine last time.
Cue Bro stuck hugging the toilet, sick from how much pain he's in as soon as he wakes up, and Dave doesn't hear him call out for healing.
As soon as Dave hears Bro talking about Advil, he immediately remembers his mistake and realizes why Bro's been extra volatile lately (PMS/PMDD/etc).
#i know it's cringe dude but im living it and i know theres nothing more cringe than not being able to breathe bc it hurts too much to move#or waking up from not sleeping all night only to vomit as soon as you get up bc it hurts too fucking much and you didnt get meds yet#endo is a special hell my body has made for me to punish me for being too trans#ditched the uterus so my body downloaded a trojan uterus to replace it except now its all over my insides...#...even tho im on medicine thats supposed to suppress endo growth#im having a whole mental breakdown over it and saw someone talkin shit on trans dirk so this is for them specifically (blocked)#fffffuuuuuckk these cramps holy shit im dying literally any pressure on my abdomen is too tight even just my sweater resting on it#homestuck#bro strider#dirk strider#bro#dirk#trans bro strider#trans dirk strider#trans dirk#trans bro#striders#endometriosis#trans man#hoooly fk im tryn not to die rn jfc i might need to puke again#emetophobia mention#endo#enbrometriosis#art#vent#ShitPost.exe#Cori.exe#Image.exe#Create.exe#i had to stop typing tags to go puke bc the pain is so bad lollllll
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My toxic trait is that whenever something bad or painful happens to me I immediately think "how would I describe this in a whump fic"
#ive been overworked to the point my immune system has fucked off and let me get Sickness of multiple kinds :((((#and im here thinking ''hmmm how would X Character react to this''#im fine dwdw nothing life threatening#im going to the urgent care tomorrow morning for prescriptions and then im spending the weekend getting some much needed rest#48 hour workweeks and moving in and a common cold does shit to the human body#jin rambles#delete later#i mean if im honest i really wanted to start writing this week#and i almost did#but i collapse on my walmart futon and put on whatever video essay YouTube recommends me and then im passed out#ugh#take care of yourselves yall#overtime is nice but too much is too much
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I love sewing. I love taking raw fabric and thread and creating something I can wear, or use, or gift. I love how all my recent projects have turned out, and I love the way the current one is coming together.
What I do not love is how much it takes out of me, physically. Pinning and sewing a couple of seams shouldn't wipe me out, but sometimes it really does, sigh.
#sewing#my sewing#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#spoonie life#I'm allowing myself rest breaks in between each step#and reminding myself that I don't need this done especially quickly#but as usual my brain is moving at about 10 times the speed my body can handle#the steps feel so easy in my head but so hard on my body#quick heating pad break and then I'll see about ironing these seams and pinning the next
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somebody shoot me with a gun until I am dead before I write the first chapter of that pirate thing for like. Genuinely the eighth or ninth time.
#i have versions i like the vibes of#i have versions i like the pacing of#i have versions i like the writing of#i have not a single one that manages to hit even 2 out of those 3 criteria#Like. I think part of the issue is the setting is dreamy its soft and floaty and things arnt Right#but the first thing that happens is a guy loudly boasting about how much hes going to enjoy sexually assaulting his deuteragonist#hes lying. but Toi'uhla doesn't know that. The people ze is choosing to sacrifice zerself for dont know that.#the child whos experiencing the fear of death for the first time doesn't know hes bluffing either.#and the entire time theyre on a boat thats floating in empty nothing in a universe that has no stars left.#So much of making a tangible Threat like that hit is slowing for a moment and describing the ugly details of like#existing. as a physical person in a physical world. This horrible thing is happening and while it does the wind is messing up your hair#That sort of thing.#But there is no wind. there is no water. or rain. Toi'uhla's sense of smell is almost non existent. so ze cant think about the body oder#of that many people in that close of quarters.#And all while this is happening. i have to set up that these are two alien species with distinct cultures and Very different perspectives#on what is happening. Lordakai Senior is the one who lead the raid that killed Toi'uhla's sire and zer siblings.#But ze only knows the name Lordakai. bc for Zer it is completely reasonable to assume that the two Lordakai's are the same guy#Koita are long lived. Toi'uhla has never had reason to learn how to tell how old they are#Lordakai jr is absolutely riding on his dads name. but he doesn't know his dad was a privateer#So like. Theres a lot of shit happening in a weird setting#With two characters that need to Mesh while both putting up complete fronts.#and it needs to set up the stakes and themes for the rest of the damn story.#qnd its just a lot man. I love this project. i love these characters. but there's so many moving pieces bc theres had to be to make enough#Stuff to fill out the long spaces where they're just. on a pirate ship. being bored.#im probably over thinking this#blehgh
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I'm going insane. Since when do anxiety attack states of being last ALL DAY.
#my heartbeat has been over 100 most of today#my resting usually sits at like 65-80 depending on how fast I'm walking#I was sitting in lecture at 112! insane.#I have 62 active minutes on my FitBit lmao I have done in fact less physical activity than usual (no gym about usual walking for Wednesdays#(maybe a bit less)#and my stomach has been fucked up all day!#I have a normal amount of mental clarity I'm only a little bit having mental/psychological anxiety#it's like primarily physical. I can't focus because of it this is so uncomfortable#lmao I mentioned to one of my friends (? maybe?) they were like 'how are you today' while in chem lab#I was like 'I'm evil today but it's ok it happens' they were like 'huh what does that mean'#I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to tell him lol we are not very close#so I settled on 'yea I've been having some sort of anxiety attack all day'#told him about my 112 bpm in chem lecture wooo#they were like '??? is that normal???' I was like 'no lmao but it's fine it just usually isn't this Long'#it's like fine because I can still do like lab and get to classes I just can't think very well#I can follow directions and it's best if I can keep moving y'know#alas. anyways#I'm giggling about this because my Mind is fine my Self is normal my body just feels like shit#I have a doctor's appointment next Thursday and I have parties this weekend so I'll be fine I think#I might have to lighten up on my SGA duties though which SUCKS but I need to pass my classes#anyways
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I'm trying to play through FF16 but it's honestly such a struggle for me. The combat isn't my sort of thing, and I feel like everyone talks at like... half the speed of normal dialogue so I just lose interest in every single cutscene.
#i'm like 8 hours in#i think i've been bored the whole time#benedikta's backstory had (missed) potential#but i hate how so much context is in the stupid ATL thing#as though the slow cutscenes need more interruption#also why is clive's head so small compared to the rest of his body it's like less than a third of his total shoulder width#and why does his outfit look like it was designed for a different setting than everyone else's? i miss his soldier armour so much#also all the sidequests are terrible#i don't want to spend 3 minutes listening to someone's life story because i gave them soup#maybe if they spoke at a normal pace#also the whole got inspiration is clearly just nudity and swearing and rapey implications from bandits#it's like they wanted to be more 'mature' but just added all of that and it moved back round to 'immature'#eikon fights aren't even good you just mash buttons until they're staggered#throw out all your special abilities#and then wait until a cutscene happens and you do more damage with a single QTE than anything you do in combat#but you can't even watch the action because there's stupid pulsing overlays while you mash square#gav is the best character#also the voice acting is good (i question some of the voice direction) but considering they lipsynced for english first...#i don't buy any of these voices are coming out of any characters mouths#also ifrit's design sucks he's just a featureless rock thing#rant
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ibuprofen ily. my best friend ibuprofen
#i hauve a fever#i am not surprised that i got sick after moving continents and going 'yes i can jump straight into work no worries do not need to rest'#but thank u to my body for forcing me to rest probably#started watching mash today & it is in fact very good
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(gripping the bathroom sink and consoling myself like a toddler) okay. so i don't feel good. what is one thing i can do to make myself feel slightly better? don't say nothing. no. stop it. no temper tantrum. i am an adult. i will take a look at myself and do something nice and i will feel better so help me god.
#ITS NOT FUCKING WORKING THO#I WANTED REST? I TOOK A NAP#IM STILL TIRED#I WANTED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES? I DID THAT TOO#I DIDN'T HAVE FUN BECAUSE I WAS TOO STRESSED ABOUT THE WORK THAT NEEDED TO BE DONE#I ATE THE FOOD I WAS CRAVING#I READ A BOOK FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I WAS SICK OF THE SCREEN TIME#I WATCHED YOUTUBE#LIKE WHAT DO I DO#SHAKES BODY BY THE SHOULDERS WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME#PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ONE OUNCE OF HAPPY CHEMICAL#SO I CAN DO MY FLASHCARDS FOR TODAY AND MOVE THE FUCK ON#PLEASE IM BEGGING TO JUST MAKE IT THROUGH MY EXAMS IM SO TIRED#I HATE MED SCHOOL#thats not even true i just hate MY med school#and i cant even linger on that thought because it just makes me angry and bitter#to think about the circumstances that led to me being here#I DONT HAVE TIME TO BE ANGRY AND BITTER I NEED TO STUDY MICROBIO
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I'm TIRED
#physically mentally emotionally#moving my body just. sucks#i just need one more day to rest i had to do all my cleaning yesterday
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Bulgarian split squats for camera walks when I am much older. Rows for pulling myself over fences past my fifties. Planks for a back and belly strong enough to keep me upright, hopping stones.
#cannot recommend strenth training enough#especially for hypermobility folks#start with body weight or no weight#make sure to take your rest days#stop if anything feels wrong#i have needed serious mobility aids and may again in the future#but when I can I want to move#and do so with confidence#bluebellytalks
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