#need to get better at studf

[writinf]

A baby fox runs through my back garden - across the sunlit grass - back to his mother. The vixen stood there, half concealed in the bushes that line the bottom of the old fence at the back.

Her eyes are fixed on me, or they appear to be, I'm just washing my dishes, watching her through the window. I was never sure if animals were able to see me through a window, fish seemed to worry when you put your face right up to the glass but birds didn't care, it felt like the fox could see me, that her eyes would follow me if I moved, I don't move though, I don't want to scare them away, besides, I have more dishes to wash.

I remembered when this mother had been a baby fox as well, I remembered seeing her mother in my garden at night sometimes, feeling watched in the same way then as now. It felt like there was an understanding, her mother had never been bothered in my garden, and so brought her kit along, and she had never been bothered here so neither would her baby. But she would watch, always watch, the understanding was not trust, this place was not safe to her (nowhere was), just safer.

But it was safe to him, the kit tripped on his way to reach her, and took the opportunity to spend a few more seconds joyfully rolling around in the grass. It was safe to him, not because of me or any understanding, but because of her. Because she would watch, always watch.

[s1m0nth3swag]

Gotta yap about my Dead boy boyfriends sorry chat

Like

I physically need to talk about them but my friends haven't watched the show yet (WATCH IT OTS SO GREAT AAHHHHH)

Some short imagines/ short scenario type of stuff? Idk

Not proofread (atp I don't know what that word means ngl I never proofread my studf)

It is currently 11pm for me, I am tired, this probably sucks but I do not care actually

☆ Imagine meeting the two for the first time and you genuinely cannot speak because they're both a little too gorgeous, I mean, Edwin slays his outfit and Charles has the biggest brown eyes. Pretty boys fr

★ I just think that, if you're another ghost, Edwin would like you more at first, if you're alive, Charles would (because of the whole Charles hates being dead thing and Edwin doesn't like being around the living)

☆ In this scenario, let's play with you being alive and (mostly) well. Involved in one of their cases, maybe, or you went into Jennys shop to get meat or something (if you don't eat meat pretend you're cooking a meal for a friend or something)

★ Probably immediately you kinda notice a strange aura (totally not Charles staring you down because he's never seen someone as cool and swag as you) - and let's be honest you aren't even surprised when you meet Crystal and she's looking at the corner all weird.

☆ meeting them again however, you probably just had some near death experience (maybe you wandered into a haunted house, or you somehow got involved in the whole Esther business) and you probably don't even care that ghosts exist because yeah, kinda checks out

★ Charles is probably immediately on your heel (Edwin is just the tiniest bit jealous) asking you all sorts of questions (Edwin is just the tiniest bit interested as well)

☆ getting to know them better, Edwin finds he quite likes yapping about cases with you (my autistic ghost boy needs someone that ACTUALLY listens to what he says) he will be overjoyed if he starts talking about a case and you go "Oh wasn't that the one where.." because yes!! It was that case! You remembered!! Good job!!!

★ I feel like the whole relationship would come along naturally at some point. Just you complaining how you can't sleep because your pillow is too warm and both of them offering to stay with you since ghosts are pretty cold

☆ they have the mutual agreement that they're somewhat sharing your affection since you give both of them the same. They'll just have conversations like "did you already tell them [...]" and "Oh, yeah I did could you do [...] for them?" Already being fully in the mindset of 'we can and will make this work with three people'

★ I think Charles would actually have a more difficult time when the relationship officially starts though. He just has so much affection for you and Edwin that he's almost bursting, but Edwin doesn't always like touch so he has ti be careful and look for the signs and you actually have to keep yourself up and cared for instead of being able to cuddle 24/7

☆ Just a silly boy struggling with not kissing and hugging both his partners at all times (though he has two hands, and will be the middle part whenever the three of you walk somewhere.)

☆ Edwin is more a acts of service type of guy while Charles, obviously, is big on physical touch, so whenever Charles holds you back from doing laundry or the dishes, Edwin will do it for you so you can chill out

★ doesn't mean you don't do things for the boys, though. You regularly get books for Edwin (which he's happier about that he shows) and always give Charles the chance to talk to you without any judgement (same goes for Edwin, though he doesn't use that offer as often as Charles)

☆ Imagine Charles rescuing Edwin from hell and that night the three cuddle up with each other even though Edwin and Charles don't sleep, just so you can hold both of them to make sure they're still there and well

[electrificata]

Take the nite off from reflexively defending fandom and evaluate if it is actually good for you. It might be! Maybe parts of it are! But it might be actively bad for you. I grew up entrenched in fandom stuff and then i got to adulthood and realized that it was actually pretty bad for me. Like i noticed that when i discovered and got really invested in a new fandom or new celebrity crush it was usually an indicator that i was not fucking doing well.

And thay doesnt mean im never gonna do fandom studf ever again! Over lockdown i got on the post-finale supernatural fandom boom and that was actually a good experience. Like yes i went a little crazy but it was crazy in a predictable arc (with a close friend) that was easy to control, and a way better option than freeform crazy. But i will be honest with you: i lost interest pretty quickly after i got vaccinated and started going outside and talking to people again. That was my signal it was time to go.

Anyway. Tangent. What im saying is that you need to be thoughtful and intentional with your relationship to fandom. We need to create a world where big media videos of celebrities reading thirst tweets about themselves get untenably low views. Dont let me reblog this again

I cannot tell you how exhausting the internet may queen shit is for me. The literal constant cycle of raising up celebrities and artists and writers as laudable and unproblematic, the stanning, the discovery of their past (or current) trangreasions, their "cancelling" (could be whole other post on that lol), and then a dogpiling that has way less to do with what they actually did and way more to do with fans feelings of very personal betrayal. And then nobody learning anything and letting the ride start again.

And to be fair! I think some of this has to do with new young people getting on the internet every year and experiencing this shit for the first time, but i really dont think thats the whole thing. I really think there are people here stuck in this spin cycle for years, setting one may queen on fire and immediately searching for a new one. Sometimes coming back to the SAME ARTIST and gling thru the SAME CYCLE. How many times have i seen this happen with like, neil gaiman over the last decade. I cant even tell you

[thomyorks]

i am trying my hardest to be a better person and i am starting to get better and i can feel it

[rirismommyspace]

Hi riri! This is my first time doin this kinda studf becuz im scared ill do it wrong but whatever!

Today was kinda crappy but is ok now :D

How hav u been?

(Is the 💙 signoff available? If not i can just use nathan)

˚₊✩‧₊ well hello there Little One!!! No need to be scared, sugar, I promise!! There's no wrong or right way to do this so ( ◜‿◝ )♡ feel free to drop by anytime, love.

And I'm sorry your day was crappy :(( but I'm glad it's going better!! Be sure to hydrate and eat something, alright? And stay safe!! I hope today goes better for you :))

I'm doing okay!! Just getting my day started and having a late lunch!! (Also 💙 is all yours, cutie)

[thefaultinoursprinkles]

me: relates to every book about being mentally ill, seeks out books about being mentally ill to validate my experiences

my mother: you need to stop reading those they are making you think you’re mentally ill but you’re not

[itsjusta]

March 29, 2021

had a hard time sleeping gabii doeee took me an hour to sleep napd aishhh idjot brain and body!!! tapos in da morning so saba the surrounding doeee and dali rajd baya ko makamata basta naa saba2 🤦🏻‍♀️ kusog au tingog amo silingan doe and naa sgeg ayo sa mga balay2 aishhh but naka sleep raman pd ko balik and 9:30 nako wake up hehe still a good sleep doeee

also saw something early in da morning sa fb and aish seeing stuff about u and u knooow still makes me kulbaan jd doe but its okaaay hahah das why sometimes im scared to scroll2 in fb doeee busa sa tiktok nalang ko mas gatambay hahha dapat i will get used to it na but aish i still avoid it gyd doeee but there are unavoidable situations gyddd and aishhh i know man pd it will take me a looong time pa to not get affected when i see u and her doe hahah but aish no na cry cos buntag pa uy!!!! i just acads nalang doeee heheh to take my mind off of things and i wanna be productive now cos we will uli in da medina wala ko net there hahah

my thoughts are disturbing me now uyyy but i try not to entertain them i just do random stuff nalanggg and aishhh im sorry for everything doe i think u feel samokan na of talking to me 🥺 aishhh not nako write maka cry ko hahah and aishhhh naa gisend si aljane nga tiktok doeee about staying strong and studf lyk dat and aishhh grabe ako hilak doe 😭😭😭 imbis na nag pugong2 nko hilak naaaa grabe na nuon ako cry 🥺 aishhhh idk with me uyyy im just going with the flow doeee even tho sometimes i cannot sabot myself na i just always try to stay strong doe and aish i feel pd that im just samok2ing u doeee so if u dont want na aishhh just tell me doe 🥺 but thank u doeee for being there doe and for still talking to meeee im very grateful doeee!!! but sometimes i think im like a parasite doeee 😞 i think im affecting u negatively and i have no place in ur life na gyd but youre forced to deal with me aish idk hahah and it makes me so sad but i need to kaya all dis doeee cos its the reality. and i will also find my happiness soon doe maybe 1 more year 🥺 (aish i have exam pa 1:30 but ga cry rko diri hahhahah)

i took the midterm exam at 2:30 doe and sayon raman au i perpek it hahha after dat nag tiwas ko sko gi do nga acads ganina morning and na finish na nako doeee and april 2nd week pa dl ani pero sge nalang kay wa pami new modules doe 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ issa rest na dayon 4:30 and aish idiot tiktok again ka cry nsad ko 😭 cos naay mga ga vid doeee nga gikan pa silag break up tas ga cry silaaaa and yawi kahilak sd kog apil 😭😭 dugay naman unta kyko single uy ngano man koooo hahahah aish kaya natin to guys 🥺🥺🥺

in da night i just scroll2 everywhere im so bored doeee huhu cos nahuman na nako ako gina watch nga anime and mag lisod gyd ko find another to watch doe basta bag o pako na finish busa so boriiing :((( nag play pd ko codm with kyla and janica but 1 game ra kay di gyd kaya samo net uyyy super lag jd :((( das all lang doe its 10:04 now and i will post dis naaa i hope the rest of the night will be okay lang doeee and i hope tomorrow will be better 🥺

thank you doe for talking to meeee and i wish u da best in everything alwaysss!!! im happy that youre doing fine doeee in acads and i think u doing well in life man pddd basta when u have problems im just here okaaay heheh work well idiooot and good morning!

[creative-classpect]

Hey Kess! Big fan and glad to see you’re back, I haven’t been on this website in almost a year and last time I was you were a lord of rage, mind if I ask what happened? I don’t want to me noisy just curious

I think I tried to not talk about it much, but for a very long time I felt like I was under a lot of pressure. I was just some teenager with a lot of unsorted shit in my head and trauma and emotions I really didn’t know how to handle or what to do with them and I channeled a lot of that into my time here. And it wasn’t all bad!!!! It really wasn’t!!! But the good things aren’t what made me change in anyway. So yeah, I was compulsively working and writing and fixating on all of this stuff I didn’t allow myself to unwind and get rid of any tension, I was so high strung and destroying myself. Like that one phrase “All 7 of the deadly sins” but not in a cool hip fun way, but in a bad and self destructive way, it sucked and I sucked

And not to sound like an ingrate or something, but the relative popularity and success I got from here only made that worse. Like I was, to be honest, kind of a shitty person working themselves too hard and getting attention or praise I really didn’t feel like I deserved but I also needed, giving me wild swings in pride and imposter syndrome. It compounded into this vitriol and disdain, like I hated this project and grew sick of it and myself and just all of it. But I still loved it and fixated, you know? Over time I just got burnt the hell out from everything and I decided to end on a super high note and that’s when I had that mini marathon of posting just sooo much stuff and decided I was done right then and there. To be honest I didn’t think I would ever come back or be seen from again.

So I left this behind for maybe a year, year and a half? And just enjoyed being by myself and living quietly and having a smaller life, it was very nice! And it is very nice, I am so so much happier and I’m at a better place in life.

I only stopped in occasionally, like I do now. I needed time for myself, to vent off steam and to see who I was underneath all this shit. It took some time to even feel comfortable talking about homestuck and studf again, like it was really difficult to be around my friends talking about homestuck and classpects or whatever, it really just sucked. I honestly thought my time here was done forever and in a way I guess it still really is.

But anyways, I took my time, I got my space, I got my bearings straight, and I branched out and grew up. I fixed my shitty fucking self problems and that crap I’m just not proud about. I learned to be more calm and happy and peaceful and more full of love and comfort.

I don’t vibe with Rage like I used to. It was a fire that got me through stuff, but in the end it burned me out. All that hate and rage and passion and energy was just. Fuel and poison. And I’m done with it.

A few months back my friends were reclasspecting themselves and stuff and I was really anxious about it but I jumped in and started looking at myself and Heir of Blood was really just kind obvious

And that really brings us to here? I guess? This blog isn’t my whole life anymore, but I still have an interest and soft spot for it, but I’m never really “coming back”, besides some fun and casual asks or posts when I have ideas or the spirit moves me

-

I know this confessional is late and maybe should have never seen the light of day, but nobody ever really bothered to ask me besides some good friends in private so it’s all coming out now at 5:41 am

[flockofdoves]

i think its so sad soup is one of my favorite foods but also i always just liked broth-y soups not really many cream based or cheesy soups id get disappointed when restaurants only had cheddar broccoli or loaded potato soup

but now in refeeding im realizing rn soup is just going to fill me up so wuickly with barely enough calories even if it feels really safe for my stomach that doesnt want to beanch out to studf thats harder on it

i always argued that soup could be a meal and its great bc it can be a drink and a meal and while thats still true for many soups theres plenty of soups i like that just even if i wasnt needing refeeding levels of calories im realizing really probably arent enough to eat for a meal. which is fine! having a cup of soup with another thing sounds very nice. but also its so much effort sometimes making multiple dishes for the same meal i really need to get better atthat/meal planning/making stuff in advanced because theres only so many things im confident are enough for a meal rn if i just eat that and a drink

i have been warming up to creamy soups though which is good. theyre actually a pretty easy way to get calories on the other hand. even if i dont want to make a whole recipe even adding heavy cream to old soups id make on autopilot and adjusting the flavor palette somewhat is a bit helpful if not ideal

[shalalalalura]

💜

[gold-tcm]

Trial and tribulations before a breakthrough

 Hi guys this is Tajma Cameron TajMA'sLeionBrada it's 2017 and I am about the "New Year...New You"

Let's examine the the pains of last year, release, renew and revitalize

...

Purge Whats going on inside of you so you can emerge with your external beauty matching your internal renewal and allowing that to create the external world around you. ~~~~~~~\~~~\\\~~~\~~~~~~

 I have Come to a Under staning in My spiritual Journey, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

You may not know why at the time

 It may annoy you to have to go through the process

 But it happens for a reason,

 And the reason is to

 Prepare you for where you are going, some times you think the enmy is attacking you and you are experiencing these thinhgs because something other worldly is out to get you

 Bad karma

Bad luck

You upset God

 But non of these are the case

 And to say the enemy did it to you is actually “Blasphamy”

 All it is is a test, even though it feels like the enemy is whipping your ASS!!!

 Perfect example the last weak has been interesting

 Last Monday I went through what felt like trial after trial,

 Waking up to my father playing a video of something I use to like at 7am

Keeping me awake

Ratchet studf on TV

Feeling down in my mood

Having to walk to chuch and being OVER HEATED while caring two bags of stuff only to find out the person I brought it to didn’t need it.

Irritation

A child kicking my chair during prayer service

Feeling like I was between snapping and curing someone out

 But the bright side I got called up to the podium during prayer service and I prayed like I had never prayed before I was able to use the trial in order to testify about it, and I felt better

 May 19th, was trying to get to the library, got there it was closed for a emergency

Went to the books store found a good place to sit and record my video

Had to do it 7 or 8 times

Then my phone died

Got home couldn’t post anything from my phone it was glitching

Then what seemed like the worst situation

 At 9:30 at night a loud bang happened in the apartment above us then water came down the wall my dad and I had to rush and unplug the electronics there, watter coming through the seling hitting the middle of the bed he had to toss it over the couch he went in the bathroom and water started pouring from the ceiling.

 It was a fire ups stiars we had to evacuate the building it wad a 5 alarm fire, we gt up stairs and the floor was a soaking wet mess, counters were covered in water we were up all night because they had to come in and out asses the damnge clean up and left huge drying machines all over the place

 But god blessed us because non of our stuff was distryed , it was only water damge where if it had ben fire it could have been much worse, the power may be out in half the apartment but we are okay everything can be soled with a good clean up job and getting the elctricty back on track

 But my point is we all go through trials

 But when you go through these things god is trying to show you I can put my hand in it and protect you where othetr people whole apartment was full of water damage we just had the floor to be mopped up, where we could have had fire damage we didn’t

It was a blessing in the bless

 And that just means that there is more to come that will bless us more and mightly

If you are interested and like want you have read so far I would like to invite you to come over to my page and subscribe to get a dose of

Facebook: Tajma's Leionbrada https://m.facebook.com/Tajmas-LeionBrada-747097158769587/

Tumblr tajmasleionbrada.tumblr.com/posts Look at the archives to click through and see the posts

Twitter https://www.twitter.com/TajMALeionBrada

~~~~~~>~<~~~~~~ Hey everyone, I started a fundraising campaign for To fund my book project. Please tap to donate- http://mk2.gofund.me/to-fund-my-book-project… l