#need to find me a man via osmosis

[loveybirdlt]

I’m laying in bed just giggling over this, the interaction is just SO CUTE

Lieutenant Simon Riley has a favorite nurse. She's sweet as sugar and polite, stitching up every bloodied soldier with gentle words and touches so light they barely feel the push and pull of the suturing. Appreciative, whether they return the soft conversation or not. He likes the way she floats around the medical wing, the way she smiles softly at everyone, even him. He's sure she knows what he's been doing, but she isn't stopping him, so he assumes she doesn't mind.

Every morning, without fail she gets up and comes into the wing in a different colored pair of scrubs. A new color every day, never the same one twice in a week. She sits at the front desk or at another station somewhere around and sips a can of ginger ale through a straw, pretending she doesn't see Simon's eyes on her while she works.

"Wha's it t'day?" Simon says gruffly as he approaches her, bypassing the other nurses almost completely. "Blackberry," She says softly, looking up at him and displaying the can. He takes a look at her scrubs, and of course, they're a dark purple, matching the can. It suits her, he thinks. Not an obnoxious shade, one that matches her skin tone well. "Good?" He asks her, like he always does. "Not my favorite,' she says as she sets the can back down. He hums lowly in reply as his eyes linger on the fabric of her scrubs, the way the cloth dips over her soft curves.

"You hurt?" She asks him cheekily, "Or just taken an interest in the medical field?" He grunts, pulling his eyes away from her scrubs and meeting her own. "Nae," He says lowly. "Just passing by," he adds, shoving his gloved hands into his pockets to keep from touching her. Or reaching out to smooth out a wrinkle in her clothing, or tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

He doesn't know what else to say, wanting to keep her attention on him. "Suits ya," He ends up saying softly, trying to sound as gruff as possible, but his eyes are trained on hers, his hazel eyes staring into her own irises. "The purple." He grumbles, cursing inwardly because why is he acting like he's never spoken to a pretty bird before?

"Thank you, Lieutenant." She says sweetly, a nice red tinting the apples of her cheeks. Simon shifts his weight from one foot to the other, unsure what to say next. Small talk hasn't ever been his strong suit, but walking away feels wrong, like cutting a thread that’s barely started to weave.

"You sure you're alright?" she asks again, but this time there's something softer in her voice. A note of genuine curiosity, her hands stilling on her keyboard. "You don’t usually linger this long."

He scowls—not at her, but at himself for being so obvious. "Dinnae know I was bein’ timed," he mutters, stuffing his hands deeper into his pockets.

She chuckles, the sound low and warm. "You’re not. Just... noticed, is all." Her gaze flicks over him, quick and subtle, like she’s trying to piece him together without openly prying. She's familiar with Simon, knows how private he is. "Busy morning?"

He shrugs. "Same as usual. Training, Paperwork."

Her lips quirk upward in a faint smile, but there’s a shadow of worry behind her eyes. "Sounds like you could use a break."

"Aye," he says gruffly, a hand leaving his pocket to scratch at the base of his balaclava. "Reckon this is it."

Her smile softens at that, and for a moment, neither of them speaks. There’s a weight in the air, something unspoken that presses against his chest, and hers. He wants to say more, to keep her talking, but the words are tangled up in his throat.

"Y’know," she says after a pause, "I think purple might actually suit you too."

His brows furrow softly, squinting at her a bit behind the mask, and for a split second, he wonders if she’s teasing him. But her expression is sincere, her eyes glinting with a quiet kind of amusement.

"Me?" he scoffs, shaking his head. "Don’t reckon that’s in regulation."

She shrugs lightly, leaning against the desk. "Wouldn’t hurt to try. Maybe a mask or something. Just a little color." There’s a playful glint in her eyes now, and he feels the corner of his mouth twitch despite himself.

"Don’t think I’d pull it off," he mutters, though there’s a faint warmth creeping up his neck, hidden by the black fabric.

"I disagree," she says softly, and the weight of her gaze feels heavier than before. He looks at her then, really looks, and finds himself rooted to the spot.

"You always this cheeky with the patients?" he grumbles, trying to mask the fact that she’s gotten under his skin.

"Only the ones who hover around the nurses' station without a good excuse," she quips, her smile widening just a fraction. "But I don’t mind. You’re welcome anytime, Lieutenant."

His heart gives a traitorous thump at her words, but he swallows it down and grunts in reply. "I’ll hold ya to that," he says, his voice rougher than he intends.

As he turns to leave, her voice calls him back again, soft and lilting. "Oh, and Simon?"

He stops dead in his tracks. She’s never used his name before. Slowly, he turns his head to glance at her, his hazel eyes locking onto hers.

"Next time," she says, lifting her can of ginger ale in a mock toast, "you could at least bring one of these to share."

His lips twitch into something dangerously close to a smile. "Aye," he murmurs, his voice low. "I’ll see what I can do."

And as he walks out of the wing, he finds himself already wondering what color she’ll be wearing tomorrow.

[gallusrostromegalus]

In honor of the season, what are holidays like in the spirit world? Have they been infected by Christmas yet? I imagine they inherit some popular ones from the world of the living, but also the unique holidays of the afterlife must be wild.

You come to me, on the eve of the High Holiday of Halloween, and ask me about Christmas??

I'm kidding, you're asking about holidays in general but my unsuspecting Agnostic Ass just got jumpscared by Mariah Carey, and I'm sensitive. It's not the season. Not for another 48 hours at least. Do Not Violate The Sacred Treaty.

.

..

...

Anyway, this ended up in my drafts for a few days, so: Christianity has not really gotten a foothold in soul society, but via cultural osmosis "Xmas" has. Nobody in a Shinto afterlife believes in monotheism, but they love a holiday and a Saint is practically a Kami anyway, but.... It's "Xmas" because the holiday in no way remotely resembles Christmas as practiced in the living world.

---

Scene: 4th Division hospital, a few days after Rukia is rescued and Aizen departed for Las Noches:

"-CHAD!!" Ichigo bellows, almost falling in through the doorway of the hospital room, wheezing.

"I am very sure you are not supposed to be out of bed." Chad frowned, looking up from the copy of the history of soul society Captain Komamura had lent him to read while he recovered.

It was strange, to be in the care of the very people he had thought to be senseless killers not two weeks ago, but he was finding the Shinigami a generally agreeable lot. Even if the captain that controlled the hospital reminded him unpleasantly of a nun with her chaste dress, soft voice and understated but constant threat of violence.

"YOU NEED YO HEAR THIS-! He- hee-" Ichigo stumbled over to his bed and curled up on his side overcome with giggles.

"... I'm beginning to think I am incorrect." Sighed the pale-haired man at the door, frowning down at Ichigo.

"Jushiro Ukitake, I don't think I've had the pleasure of your acquaintance yet, Mr.-?" The man introduced himself and offered Chad a hand.

"Uh. Yasutora. Sado Yasutora. But everyone calls me Chad." He mumbled, cautiously shaking hands with the stranger. "You're um. You're Miss Rukia 's boss, right?"

"Yes! I believe you are her friend with the pet parakeet and good throwing arm, yes?" Ukitake beamed at him and Chad was suddenly struck by the idea that he'd seen Ukitake at a family reunion before - Impossible, obviously, but the man had the intense aura of a distant uncle. "Good show that, she loves being hurled at an opponent!"

"Oh. Thank you." Chad mumbled, Ichigo finally catching his breath. "...What are you incorrect about?"

"Christmas, apparently." Ukitake frowned, and Ichigo dissolved into snickering again. "He says you're something of an expert on the actual mythology, I only have third-hand accounts, you see-"

"No!" Gasped Ichigo, reaching over to tug at Mr. Ukitake's sleeve. "You gotta tell him!"

"I am Catholic, yes." Chad nodded. "-go on. It can't be less accurate than the version Dr. Kurosaki- Uh, Ichigo's dad- gave me last year."

"Yeah it can-" Ichigo wheezed.

"Well, ah- Christmas is a birthday celebration for an important religious figure, right?" Ukitake tried.

"Yep!" Chad nodded, giving Ukitake a thumbs up.

"The birth of Rudolph, the Star-nosed reindeer?" Ukitake tried.

Chad stared at him blankly for a moment, before his thumbs-up slowly wilted into a thumbs down and Ichigo vibrated silently with hysterics. Chad opened and closed his mouth a few times, hand waving, then covered his mouth, searching for words. Eventually he reached out and gently put his hand on the captain's shoulder to explain as delicately as possible-

"...No." Said Chad.

Ichigo rolled off the bed with a dull thud.

"-I am, however, fascinated." Chad elaborated. "Please continue."

"...I'm really sorry that I am this ignorant of your religious dogma." Ukitake winced.

"It's- don't worry about it. Tell me what you think happens on Rudolph's birthday." Chad said, sitting back and pressing his hands together.

"Well- oh, how does it start? Right- there's the Monks- Saints? that give out presents to well-behaved children during the winter holidays- Saint Claus, Saint Nicolas and Saint Kringle. And they're all very old men, and with good judgement about who does and does not deserve presents, so they're called the three wise men!"

Ichigo made a noise like a teakettle from the floor.

"Oh. Oh no." Chad giggled.

"And they travel the entire world giving out presents, but that's A Lot of houses and it was taking them longer and longer so they prayed to... I forget the name Catholics have for Amaterasu. Guadalupe?"

Chad made a noise not unlike a violently squeezing a rubber duck, and started to shake.

"-So they pray for some help getting all the presents to the children, and Whoever She Is says they're doing good deeds, but she wants to see if they're REALLY worthy of that kind of miracle, so she sends them on a journey to recover some lost holy treasures, and on the way each of the holy men wrestles with and tames a demon representing some vice or another-"

"-I. I think you've gotten the Star of Bethlehem mixed up with The Journey West." Chad realized, hands pressed together in front of his face.

"Yes that's right! She marks the direction they're supposed to be going with a bright star! So they go West, following the star! "-Ok the three wise men traveling from the east following a star part is, in fact, accurate. What's this about demons?"

"It's some sort of allegory about how all the Saints are virtues so the demons represent the vices people fall into around the holiday- Being punitive or penurious and ruining good things for others. They all had weird names-" Ukitake frowned.

"What's going on?" Captain Kyorauku asked, sticking his head in the door.

"You'll know!" Ukitake chirped with excitement. "-What are the three demons the saints conquer in the Christmas myth?"

"Krampus the Child-beater, Scrooge the Miser, and... Ah fuck I always mispronounce the last one. He's green and he sucks? The Goonch?" Shunsui frowned.

"THE GOONCH?" Ichigo shrieked from the floor.

"I. I think you mean The Grinch." Chad said, experiencing a brand new combination of horror, delight and fascination that felt like the emotional equivalent of a shrimp color.

"That's him! Oscar The Grinch!" Shunsui nodded. "Why, its only August? Also, what's Kurosaki doing on the floor?

"We are apparently very misninformed about the mythlogical origins of Christmas. This amuses Kurosaki to the point of hysterics." Ukitake explained, lightly nudging Ichigo aside with his foot and sitting on the foot of Chad's bed.

"Your version is so much better." Chad said, vibrating with excitement. "What are these treasures they're supposed to get?"

"Oh you had to ask- Shunsui love, you were the one that heard it all from Captain Kuchiki when he did his tour in the living world."

"Oh for fuckssake of course it's Byakuya-" Ichigo groaned from the floor, and Ukitake gently kicked him in the ribs to shush him.

"Uhhhh... Let's see-" Shunsui scratched at his beard."There's Eight Lost Treasures, they're all magical bells that give anyone who rings them supernatural abilities- there's the Bell of Speed, Bell of Grace, Bell of Balance, Bell of Cunning, Bell of... ah fuck. I always forget the two in the middle... -Oh! Bell of destination- not like fate, like, always being able to find your way to where you're going. Bell of Affection, Bell that gives power over wind and Bell that gives power over lighting!"

Chad blinked at him, then slowly crumpled into a ball.

"...Mr. Yasutora?" Ukitake asked, gently touching his shoulder.

"This is amazing. I love it. I'm going to die." he whimpered, voice high and tight as he struggled to breathe from laughing.

"We may have already lost Mr. Kurosaki." Shunsui muttered, poking Ichigo's shoulder with his toe. "Anyway, they conquer the demons, get all the magical bells and make it to the distant city, aand Amaterasu says 'Great job!" Ukitake continued, enthusiastic as they approached his favorite part. "-But she says 'Here's your final test: I'm going to give a special gift to one of these creatures, you tell me which is the most deserving of my favor.' and then she turns them loose in some kind of farm with talking animals. They're all good and noble animals that have done many brave deeds- dogs saved children from drowning, horse that ran across a battlefield to deliver a message that stopped a war and so on- eventually the saints find a brand new baby fawn with a bright red nose. Since it was born just that morning, it's never done anything of note, and the other animals don't really like it because it's red nose means its kind of sickly and it cant see well so they don't want to play with it."

"YES!" Chad cheered, making the connection.

"Oh, that part is right?" Ukitake perked up.

"Not even remotely, but it's amazing. They pick the fawn right?

"That's right! The saints tell Amaterasu that the Baby deer Rudolph is the one that deserves her blessing, because while all the animals here are noble and good, no good deed is better than another, and of all the animals, the sickly little deer is the one that really needs her help."

"Oh no." Ichigo whimpered from the floor. "That's actually like. genuinely heartwarming."

"Amaterasu applauds them, because they've made the right choice, and she gives the power of the star to the baby deer so it very literally glows like a headlight, and She turns the eight magical bells into a herd of deer that all have the powers the bells they were made from had, so Rudolph has a family and the three wise men have a team of nine magical deer to pull the flying sleigh she gives them, and then they are able to deliver all the presents to all the children of the world in one night, and they do it every year on Rudolph's birthday, because he was the first one to receive a proper Christmas present!" Ukitake finished, giving Chad an excitable two thumbs up.

Chad, slowly tipped forward, faintly hissing with silent laughter, then rolled off the bed to join Ichigo on the floor. Ukitake peered after him with concern, until chad slowly raised a weak, shaking hand up to give Ukitake a thumbs up back.

"-What I can't figure is how the bucket of fried chicken fits into all that?" Shunsui pondered, and the boys shrieked with laughter.

[umbrellajam]

*steeples fingers and stares at my tablet with gimlet eyes*

so. Road to NML. You mean to tell me that the reason the rest of the country, Congress, and the President himself decided to write Gotham off, blow the bridges, and isolate everyone left - all criminals and asylum lunatics and 'undesirables', of course - was in large part due to *checks notes* a satanic rock star's unnatural, irresistible charisma and cult-like media manipulations aimed at dooming the city for his own benefit?

and that in order to find out what actually happens to this villain, who disappears from the Batman and 'Tec storylines...I'd have to *checks notes* read Azrael's event issues?

....yeah, PASS. I only included JPV's book on my reading list when I absolutely had to (*cough* whenever Cass pops up *cough*), so it's off to the wiki summaries for me!

...but okay, on the one hand I find it very funny how thoroughly fandom has excised this demonic media influencer aspect from the collective consciousness of NML - or at least it had never made its way to me via either fic or fandom posts. I know how few people read comics in general in this fandom, and even for those who do, NML is a Beast that only a percentage have tackled (see: me just starting to pick away at it!), so honestly it's not that surprising.

and like it can easily be left out of the story and still leave it coherent lmao!! One can certainly argue things are in fact neater that way; certainly it's not something that would ever be kept (or at least not in the same form) if NML were adapted to another medium, except as perhaps a normal media demagogue (or a montage of them).

but on the other hand...hmm. Thinking about Hurricane Katrina hitting all of six years after the NML storyline played out. And the debate over whether funds should be used for reconstructing New Orleans and other massively damaged areas. And people around the country wondering if New Orleans would or should be rebuilt at all. Or if a vibrant, historic city would just be basically wiped off the map.

I know this is a conversation that happens everywhere and every time a major disaster wrecks a city. There are always huge fights over disaster aid and funding allocations of any kind.

but man. It's something to see this fictionalized depiction in such close proximity to a real life disaster that paralleled it so strongly, and to know that - yes, there are always people who Do Not Abandon Their Homes and work to reclaim them. Yes, massive amounts of aid (federal and otherwise) and federal reconstruction funding did get dispensed. Yes, people cared, and yes, we rebuilt.

so...maybe we do actually need the demonic social media influencer's evil powers in order to comic book logic explain how everyone in the country turned their backs on Gotham and created No Man's Land.

like - no, it's not necessary. the narrative would work without it. and yet...

the premise imagines - requires? - a significantly more callous, selfish populace. Still plausible and compelling! Possibly even stronger as a story since the turnaround for No Man's Land still hinges on winning the country over to open Gotham back up, let aid in, and rebuild. But. You do have to start from - kind of a bleaker take on humanity?

it also kind of reminds me of what scintillyyy pointed out a few weeks ago about Dick killing the Joker, and how actually there's an important comic book superpower interaction going on there, too, with Rancor present massively amplifying Dick's hate and anger to push him over the edge.

but so few people ever notice or remember that and it certainly isn't one of those things that gets transmitted via fandom osmosis. (It was news to me!!) People focus on Dick breaking down and letting loose solely due to being pushed too far.

and that's extremely compelling on its own! It is! Just like the no-satanic-Nick-Scratch NML.

just thinking about fandom's tendency to ellide the supernatural or powered influences that are canonically affecting a situation, in order to explore/focus on more purely humanistic explanations or motivations...that actually end up being darker than what we might reasonably expect from real life, or from a character's typical values.

like it's part wanting to brush off comic book nonsense, part wanting to dive into gritty realism (that's not always realistic), part not having all the information because of learning things secondhand so you construct the most reasonable explanation...idk it's just interesting.

anyway.

more importantly: Dick and Tim are adorable in 'Tec 727-729!! Especially love them trading off yelling each other's names in fear/alarm, and also trading off protecting each other - Dick's "You hurt that kid and you're gonna be eating through a tube!" and Tim's clever solo rescue of a thoroughly captive Dick via clever use of a voice modulator and a two-way radio. The Boys 😊

[pinksilvace]

I like sending asks that give friends permission to ramble about their faves. But you've mentioned you wish Belos was in another show, what would you want him to be in?

I don't know why, but the first answer to come to mind is Supernatural. I've never seen Supernatural. Everything I know about it comes through osmosis via this site and my high school French teacher.

I think the weird thing about Belos is that he's designed like a protagonist, and conversely, the protagonist of toh is designed a bit like an antagonist, and the tonal difference between the two is something I find really disorienting. Obviously, Belos is the bad guy and Luz is the good guy; I'm not arguing against that. However, Belos' character goes through a distinct arc - albeit a downward one - while Luz's character remains fairly consistent throughout toh, and the tools she needs to defeat Belos in the finale aren't necessarily tools that she strove for and earned on her own. This topic is a monster I don't really want to poke at further, but it gets at the root of why Belos isn't as effective in a show like toh as he could be: the depth of his character exists, but it isn't allowed to be explored, and though flat villains aren't all that unnatural for a kids' show, he just doesn't come across as a super flat villain to me.

The thing is, Belos' story is about years of resentment that build up and transfer into grave desecration, pulling apart bodies, necromancy, murder after murder after murder, self harm of both physical and mental kinds, and so many other things that are alluded to but unable to be actually addressed because of the type of show toh is. His story is about falling into depravity until he's morally and visibly wretched, more like the sorts of ghosts that stick around because of lingering resentment than he is a man, but the question of whether he's truly lost to it is barely even explored because that's not the sort of question seven year olds might be into.

Obviously, if there was a hypothetical show centered around Belos, and if it was allowed to depict blood, I'd watch the hell out of it. I'd have an absolute blast seeing the depths he's dropped to in realistic glory. If he remained the antagonist of Luz's story, I would want the show to commit to the parallels it tried to create between them, and I would want them to see those parallels in one another beyond "we're both human".

oKAY this is getting off topic. Though I would want the general vibe of the show to be more serious, it should still be corny as heWAIT I HAVE MY ANSWER

Once Upon a Time. I think he'd thrive in there.

[teacupfulofstarshine]

how supernatural should have ended

DISCLAIMER: i have never seen supernatural. i will never watch supernatural because i have the horror tolerance of a wet breadcrumb. all that i know about this show and its finale i have gleaned via osmosis from tumblr, reposted tumblr posts, and my friend @barbarianbillyhargrove ranting about the terrible ending to me. ten bucks says it’s still better than the actual ending. here we go boys saddle up 

after castiel’s confession to a wooden dean and subsequent drag down to super mega uber hell or wherever he went, sam yeets dean into the passenger seat and they go on a drive bc he knows his brother needs to Process what just happened. they drive around aimlessly for a while and stop in the middle of nowhere. maybe a nice field 

sam: are you okay? 

dean: . . . he really loved me, didn’t he sammy?

sam: i think he did yeah

dean: i didn’t know he could do that 

sam: me either, man. shit’s weird.

dean: . . . 

sam: dean?

dean: we have some work to do

the next few episodes look like typical monster-of-the-week shenanigans, except you keep getting glimpses of little side quests and shit, like dean and sam randomly acquiring and researching a ton of arcane magical nonsense and not mentioning what it’s for at all

the dawn of the final episode: dean and sam open a portal to super uber mega hell. sam stays on earth to defend the portal and keep it open while dean heads in to find castiel, break him out, and drag him towards the entrance. whatever deity is lording over castiel tries to stop them. dean shoots it point-blank in the face with a winchester handgun loaded with an extra deadly bullet. he takes out its eye and drags castiel out of hell (nice throwback to castiel saving dean at some point i believe).

in the process of saving castiel from super mega uber hell, he loses his grace/angelic nature. by the time dean and castiel make back to sam, castiel uses up the last of his grace to seal off the portal permanently. 

dean: shit, cas, i - i’m sorry. you lost your grace, you - you lost it all. 

castiel: dean, it’s okay.

dean: how is it okay?! we went through all this trouble to save you and we couldn’t even do it right! you lost everything!

castiel: not everything, dean

castiel steps forward and puts a hand on dean’s face. dean closes his eyes and subconsciously leans into the touch

castiel: i may be human now, but my mind - my heart - are still the same as they ever were. i still know you. i still -

dean cuts him off with a kiss. sam reins in his brotherly teasing in this moment. does he take a picture for blackmail purposes? of course 

cut to a montage of cas, dean, and sam travelling around the country and fighting monsters. we see sam’s wife (more than a faceless blur!) and her children; we see sam as a lawyer; we see dean and cas’s wedding, we see them settling down in their old age to run a car repair shop.

dean is in bed. he is old. he does not look like he is wearing a spirit halloween costume. he closes his eyes. when he opens them, he is in a field. sam is standing there; it is implied that sam died first. sam and dean hug tightly. bobby (is that his name?) shows up and explains the new rules of heaven (which exist now apparently)

dean: wait, where’s -

the impala drives up from the distance. cas steps out of the driver’s seat. 

castiel: this must be heaven, you’re letting me drive

sam: can you all not be gross for five fucking minutes 

they get in the car with bobby and sam in the back. castiel manages to wrestle the keys from dean. bobby points them in the direction of the little house where sam’s family is waiting. they drive off into the sunset. carry on my wayward son plays over the credits

[retvenkos]

“shall i capture your heart with a song?”

A/N: lol, i only know the witcher on netflix, and what i have found out about jaskier via tumblr osmosis, so how accurate is this? i guess we’ll have to see, lol.

requested HERE WE ARE, IMAGINING WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS TO EVENTUAL MARRIAGE WITH THE ONLY AND ONLY JASKIER....

well, seeing as jaskier is of noble birth, i’m going to say that you are, too.

your families are old friends, so when you guys first meet, (i want to say you’re like 8 or 9) it’s at some celebration or another and at first you’re a little unsure if you should talk to each other or just,,,, stand there.

one of your parents absent mindedly tells you to talk to the boy, and so you have to do the awkward introductions.

“i’m (y/n) (l/n)”

“i’m julian alfred pankratz.”

“that’s unfortunate.”

“hey!”

“don’t worry. i’ll find something better to call you.”

“yeah, well... i’ll find something better to call you.”

(sorry, guys,,,,, i still can’t get over jaskier’s real name)

the two of you decide to sneak away from your parents to get some food or something, and then you eventually decide to sneak away from the party entirely 

it was jaskier’s idea, really. he was trying to avoid some family or something - the family that thinks they are oh so better than you and compare achievements and what not...

the two of you are just wandering (jaskier’s sense of direction is horrible so it’s really up to you to keep everything straight) and you end up in some field or another, talking about whatever comes to mind. jaskier is telling you stories and you scoff.

“you’re like a weed, julian alfred pankratz. like a.... dandelion.”

“i am not!”

“what flower would you want to be, then?”

“something better than a dandelion!”

“like what, a buttercup?”

“yOU are.... are like....”

“like what?”

“...aconite! that’s a poison.”

“aconites are related to buttercups, dandelion. you can’t get rid of me.”

and jaskier thinks it’s wildly funny that you know horticulture, of all things. he finds it so funny, in fact, he fails to miss that you’ve coined a new nickname for him.

it seems that all the time, afterward, you run into jaskier and his family. by virtue of constantly seeing each other, the two of you end up being really good friends.

it’s a running gag that you love horticulture, and since the illustrious julian alfred pankratz uses it against you at every turn, you fluctuate between calling him “jaskier” and “dandelion”. he eventually gets used to it, but he hates it when others start to catch on.

he also comes up with ridiculous nicknames for you, but none of them quite seem to stick. he’s constantly cycling through through new ones, hoping to find the right one.

the two of you hang out a lot, but since you do a lot of reading or gardening and need jaskier to stop chatting with you for five minutes he picks up the lute and learns to play it really well.

you’re the first one who tells him his singing voice is quite beautiful.

“i’m sorry, did you just say my singing voice is ‘quite beautiful’?”

“it’s nice, okay?”

“nice?”

“if you keep this up, i’ll just have to insult you.”

“you’d never.”

“do you not remember the first time we met?”

“like it was yesterday.”

“i laid down some pretty decent insults, if i remember right.”

“i called you poison.”

“yeah, but aconites are pretty. unlike dandelions.”

and jaskier scoffs. “and buttercups?”

“they’re not bad looking.”

so we all know that jaskier supposedly gets into poetry when he’s 19 because he’s inspired by his love for the countess de stael,,, bUT,,,, consider this instead:

he actually gets into poetry for you.

jaskier has had a few loves at this point, and with each one, he’s a nervous wreck. you always help him by curating the most beautiful bouquets (all of which come from your amazing, thriving garden) and you are always there to help him with his flirting (which needs serious help,,,, i’m not even sure you’re cut out for the job)

you guys have probably even kissed before - both of you were regrettably drunk (don’t tell your parents) and jaskier said he desperately needed ‘the practice’. plus, he wanted to know!!!! was he a good kisser or not? no one else would rate him on a scale from 1-10 with brutal but accurate honesty! neither of you fully remember what exactly happened, come morning, but you remember the lead up to the moment and jaskier remembers the thoughts running through his head afterward... both of you agree not to speak of it.

anyway, when jaskier starts to realize that he has these awkward feelings that seem suspiciously illicit, he knows he has to get them out, somehow, but you are the only one who would listen to his complaints, and he very well can’t tell you.

so he decides he has to write them down.

but clearly they can’t be literal, lest someone stumble upon them,,,,, so he has to learn the secret art of poetry.

you, of course, notice how oddly quiet hanging out with jaskier has become, and his odd questions on flower symbolism, and it doesn’t take you long until you realize that, of all things, jaskier has turned to poetry.

“you can’t make fun of me for liking horticulture, anymore, dandelion. you’re a  p o e t .”

“at least i’m a good one.”

and you flick his forehead

“what will your stage name be? surely julian alfred pankratz won’t work.”

“which one should it be? jaskier or dandelion?”

and you laugh, the sound like a summer breeze.

“i knew you’d come to appreciate my nicknames, eventually.”

jaskier frequently “serenades” you, under the guise that he’s practicing, of course, but it’s also his not so subtle way of seeing if you like his poetry and his songs - they are for you, after all.

“you’ll certainly capture hearts with that one.”

“did i capture yours?”

and you, feeling very flustered, especially seeing as you’ve had feelings for jaskier for a while now, can only let out a guttural sort of scoff.

“of course,” and you try to say it over the top and jokingly, but you can feel your face heating up.

and jaskier winks. you huff and turn back to your books.

oh, yikes, i didn’t realize this was getting a little long,,,, let’s speed things up.

everyone knows that you and jaskier are end game. your families think it’s vvv sweet, and everyone that either you or jaskier attempt to woo know it’s only going to be a passing fancy because,,,, have you seen the way you look at each other? like you hang the moon and the stars?

but of course, both of you are dramatic as hell, so you frequently have conversations like:

“we’re piss poor in love, aren’t we?”

“i guess the world just doesn’t understand our genius.”

“terrible that i have to share this lonely cleverness with the likes of you.”

“absolutely devastating.”

and you just sit there for a while, staring at the ceiling.

maybe you guys do some traveling together for a while, but you eventually find a place to put down roots (lol, horticulture jokes). maybe you run an apothecary! that would be precious. 

either way, jaskier is a bard so when he isn’t traveling around, he’s staying with you. 

a frequent request of yours goes something like this:

“dandelion, play me a song.”

“what kind?”

“a love song.”

and he does, and afterward, he sits down across from you and winks.

“did i capture your heart with that one?”

and some nights you’re a little too tired to make a show of it and some of that blissful candor slips out and slaps jaskier across the face when you smile and say, “yes.”

if you haven’t noticed, the two of you hella dance around your feelings. it’s insane, because catchphrase is: “anything for you” meanwhile you are the most soft™ for him and yet you don’t seem to clue in.

100%, you are going to have to be the one that expresses your love first, because jaskier is the definition of suffering in silence

but what’s also really funny is you both probably try to keep it hidden just how long you have loved each other for, and yet you are both nosy as hell and want to know how long this has been going on, so it leads to really funny conversations where you are both trying to dodge giving a proper timeline, but are drying to coax one out of the other.

ohmygod, i forgot to do marriage headcanons

alright, lightning round: firstly, i don’t think it takes you guys long to get married - you have known each other for so long, and you already act like a married couple, might as well make it official

jaskier refuses to let anyone else sing at his wedding, but you eventually coax him into it because how else are you going to dance with him?

let jaskier invite all of his witcher friends. the divide between your wealthy families and the witchers would be funny as hell. like inlaws that don’t get along but wORSE.

some quick marriage thoughts:

jaskier has definitely learned the art of flowers, thanks to you, so (1) he leaves you flowers everywhere, and (2) both of you get to garden with each other all the time.

sleep and jaskier don’t mix - no matter what time of the night, you can wake up and he’s up and about, doing something or another. maybe he’s writing a song, maybe he’s eating, maybe he’s arguing with yennefer (she often visits, just to antagonize jaskier. you guys are great friends) in the livingroom and trying to keep his voice down 

similar with nicknames, jaskier is constantly using pet names, trying to decide on which one is best. it doesn’t really work out, but maybe the most common one is he’ll call you his muse.

and it only sounds cheesy 20% of the time

you guys get to go to parties together! that’s fun - you like dressing up and sneaking away half way through because you’re bored. you guys steal food and hide out until they realize the bard is missing and drag him back.

so we all know jaskier is big on compliments, and it only gets worse when the two of you are together. it’s like,,,, yes. now i can shower you with love and affection at all hours of the day, and it’s okay! he still does his poorly timed winks but he insists they’re charming!

you begrudgingly agree

consider for a moment: going to get breakfast with this man. first of all, breakfast is probably his favorite meal, and he’s always adamant you get a good one (since being with geralt means no breakfast at all). jaskier talks like you haven’t seen him in years, despite living together, and he’s very big on holding your hand or bopping you on the nose. plus, he smiles.

oh! and his singing is 100%  contagious, so it doesn’t take long before you are singing around the house, and jaskier is just stunned at you,,,, you find him staring and roll your eyes at his ridiculousness, but this man is in love!!!! let him be in love!!!!

and you also talk to your plants, so you know jaskier picks that up, to. you’re a very vocal couple, lol.

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

-- taglist: @lenalxvegood, @cooloaflandhero, @swanimagines, @multifandomfix // message me if you want to be added!

[actualbird]

Uwahhhhh the new cards are making me malfunction completely. They're all so pretty! As a long time fan of the wuxia genre finally getting everyone in those flowy traditional cloths and long flowy hair, man my tastes and fav asthetic are being fed so well. On another hand, global isn't treating me well... I did 2 more multis on vyn/luke rate up and once again, got a rainbow, kept my hopes up, only to find my a vyn ssr dupe. I'm done with skadi, I have given up, I will cry myself to sleep now. But hey at least new luke ssr is hot! Oh wait it's angst ToT Sorry for ranting Zak but I have such strange luck I can't help but want to ask the gods why

hi, saya!!! and YEAH THE NEW CARDS ARE SO SO PRETTY!!!!

im not very familiar with the wuxia genre tho a bunch of people i know are really into cdramas of that kind so ive been absorbing bits of information via osmosis here and there and so im VERRRRYYYY interested in the stories of these cards!!!!!! and yep, theyre all just so DROP DEAD GORGEOUS AAAA

huhu, sorry about global being mean to you :(((( im also struggling, not in the card banner but in that frigging fairy wish pool, i keep hitting hard pity or close for every pool and i REALLY want that free hot spring invite. im just this pool away from the pool with the invite and....SO CLOSE YET SO FAR!!!

SADLY, THE NEW LUKE CARD DOES INDEED SEEM TO BE ANGST //SOBS

no need to apologize!!! and i wish better luck ur way :')

[olderthannetfic]

Escapade Vid - The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty

Here’s my writeup of my vid, crossposted from DW.

This is one of my two vid premieres for Escapade Con 2021. It spoils all of The Sleuth of The Ming Dynasty, specifically anything involving Wang Zhi. The discussion below is similarly spoilery.

I fell hard for The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, harder than for The Untamed or anything else for ages. (Okay, that's a lie, I fell that hard for Kingdom, but I don't ship anything there.) I knew I wanted to vid it for the con because it's so beautiful and because I knew a lot of people wouldn't be familiar with my favorite character via osmosis.

Sleuth is a historical mystery series (no magic/fantasy) based on a danmei novel. It has three leads: the two halves of the book ship and my fave. Facepalm.

I got into the series by knowing it was new-ish, some kind of buddy mystery series, and that fans liked it. That's it. I glanced at a poster, but I hadn't properly osmosed that there were three leads, not just two, so when Wang Zhi showed up, I naturally assumed he'd turn out to be a villain. His introduction is him driving a man to suicide. Practically the first thing we find out about him is that he's a palace eunuch with a high political position whom the politicians fear, look down on, and hate.

Could there be a more stereotypical villain for a historical drama?

So I went through a rapid progression from thinking he'd be the smiling pseudo-ally they have to defeat later to loving him and being like "They'd better not make him a villain!" to realizing I'd completely misosmosed this series.

I had a lot of feelings.

Picking a song / How I got into BTS:

Finding a vidsong for Sleuth was tricky. I had other vid ideas I could have made. I was tempted to make three vids, one for each lead (though not all for Escapade). I was tempted to make an OT3 pimping vid. My problem was that I also have had a lot of feelings about BTS this past year, and I knew I wanted to use them for an Escapade vid, but that presented a problem.

BTS… man… How to explain…

I grew up not really listening to music. My mom was a music teacher and only listened to Classical. When I eventually got into popular music, it was Enya and Alice Cooper. (Yes, syrupy Celtic crooning in various languages + shock rock is a pretty good summary of teenage me, why do you ask?) Also Cat Stevens, who was even more of the wrong generation for anyone else to care. The first time I really gave a shit about music was when I was living in NYC in my 20s absorbing the taste of someone with strong and specific music interests. I would by no means call myself knowledgeable about music.

A year ago, I tried to learn a little about BTS before Escapade so I could pick some shippy vid and stick it in the dance party. I want people to be able to go to the party and feel like they've got their finger on the pulse of fanfic-adjacent fandom even if they aren't into all of those fandoms themselves. I've never been into idol music, and it's not for lack of exposure: many successive waves of jpop and kpop idol-loving friends have tried, and I've been immune. It's the soppy ballads. I cannot. Some of the bouncy stuff is fun, but it wasn't enough.

Unfortunately for me, BTS is fucking confusing, so there was no easy 101. The only way to know anything about the fandom dynamics and which ships are popular was to know a lot. And once I'd bought in that far, I was up for some fic reading because huge RPF fandoms always have tons of AUs that are practically original fic, and hey, that sounded fun… I tried their reality shows a little bit, but my allergy to idol music is second only to my allergy to reality shows. I'm bad at getting things done if I don't sit down and commit properly, so I made myself a spreadsheet of all of their albums, guest appearances, and side projects and sat down to listen to the lot via Youtube…

They blew me away.

I didn't know. No one told me! I would never have predicted what they actually sounded like. It's not that they're good. Lots of idol groups are good. It's that they can rap. Korea has plenty of good rappers, but they're not in idol groups! I cannot properly convey the level of shock I experienced or even how and why BTS are so good. I like hip hop, but I don't know enough to describe anything properly.

When I made it to Hip Hop Lover, it all made sense. Imagine my reaction as a much more confused and incoherent version of this youtube video. Of course RM is into Talib Kweli and everyone else like that. Of course he's into conscious hip hop, a lot of it from NYC. Everything about their dense lyrics and their choice of subject matter made perfect sense after looking at their self-described list of influences. But in a way that Monq can articulate and I cannot.

I love shit that requires buy-in. All nerds do. I swear, hip hop is the nerdiest damn music there is because it's so into referencing its influences and responding very directly to other artists and to current culture, assuming the audience will keep up if it cares to. BTS know far more than I do about hip hop from here, plus they're Korean and like puns in a language I don't speak, so understanding what the actual fuck is going on in some of their songs is an adventure involving multiple youtube explainers. But they also have enough goofy dance music and rap that just sounds awesome to keep me interested even when I don't get it.

Daechwita dropped in May 2020, and holy shit, can we have a fandom just for that video? Historical architecture, hot dudes with swords, be still my beating heart. This is totally why I ended up watching Kingdom. I was dying to start learning some Korean, but then I got distracted by more Chinese media. Damnit. How do I choose?

So Escapade 2021 was rolling around, and I knew I wanted to make my Untamed vidbunny from last March, but I also wanted to vid Sleuth, and I wanted to vid it to BTS. I was now presented with my problem:

BTS is a 7-member group, and most songs prominently highlight 3-5 of them if not all 7. One might be able to do this as aspects of one character's personality, but it's very hard to make it work for a two- or three-person ship. I started looking at the rap line's songs, which have just the three of them, but even then, you're stuck saying that Character A is singer X and so on. How do I divide up the Sleuth leads? Do I make the angry one the angry one and the sunshine one the sunshine one? But the sunshine one is not the bookworm in BTS, unlike in Sleuth, and that just feels wrong!

That was when I decided to do a character vid rather than a ship one, to pick Wang Zhi, and to choose something off of one of the rap line's solo side projects. And what combination could be more obvious than tiny, angry, beautiful Yoongi paired with tiny, angry, beautiful Wang Zhi?

In the end, I did not pick Daechwita because, much as I love it, it has that kind of monotonous, hypnotic flow, and I feared I'd end up making a boring vid. I went back to Agust D's first mixtape, which is much angrier, and picked a song I felt had more obvious internal structure. I picked it mostly based on sound, as I always do. I needed vocals that I felt conveyed Wang Zhi's personality. Once I had a song in mind, I looked up the lyrics… And kept looking.

This would probably have been helped by not making the vid in like 3 days, mostly after the deadline because my other premiere dragged on way longer than I expected. Doh. Someone said that the vids were great this year because everyone had been stuck indoors with nothing else to do. I can assure you that I was my usual disaster self and was still trying to pick songs like a week before the deadline. There's always next year. Sigh.

So while vidding, I had a couple of okay but not great translations of the lyrics and at least one line I straight up did not understand. My process for all vids is to make a spreadsheet and put the lyrics down one side with clip ideas in another column. If the song isn't in English or isn't straightforward, I have other columns on the lyrics: original writing system, transliteration, translation, notes. I often have a column for song structure (verse 1, chorus, verse 2, chorus version A, chorus version B, etc.), or I might do that part by color coding chunks of the lyrics/translation. In this case, I had a lot of different columns of translation bits that moved around, and I also color coded column A based on whether there was a significant English language lyric. Here's a screencap of part of my planning spreadsheet with colors changing to show song section breaks and some clip concepts I was considering written in. (I usually end up abandoning most of my content notes once I get into actually editing a section.)

I finally found a good translation of it the morning after the vidshow. Sheesh. It wouldn't have radically affected how I vidded that part because the lyrics are so fast that you can't hit every little thing with a relevant clip and still have your audience visually parse anything at all. I still wish I'd had a better translation beforehand.

I foolishly thought it wouldn't be a problem vidding something in Korean, but it turns out I have such a hard time understanding Korean phonology that it's very hard for me to tell which bit is which even with a phonetic transcription. On top of that, most of the translations swap clause order for no good reason--"Your mother will be sad when you lose your last asset, health" instead of "When you lose your last asset, health, your mother will be sad"--despite both working perfectly well in English.

For the purposes of making the vid, I only needed to understand well enough to know how I was matching the lyrics or not, but for posting, I had to come up with something a little more polished. In the end, half before vidding and half after (oops), I have gone through with like 4 different translations, google translate, and an online Korean dictionary to cobble together something that I think is a fairly accurate translation, with clauses in the order they fall in the song, and some attempt at idiomaticness and correct tone and level of informality in English.

Lyrics translation:

The best of the translations I found in terms of being annotated and fairly easy to understand in English is this one by Muish.

Here's my version:

They call me new thang The new recruit is here: take my bags Whole world, concert Not bad, Asiana Asia You could be my new thang Different from the guys who neglect their duties Insubordination from a celebrity Damn, only the strong can fuck with me Some say I made it too easy Fuck you, I'm a thorn in the side of those guys So far from success Honestly, "SSaihanuwar" is embarrassing1 Now, we sell half a million copies a year The k-pop category Ain't big enough to hold me, whoo! Right, go ahead Try booking first class My seat is business You're economy, forever behind me kissing my ass Next goal is Billboard Brazil to New York My passport gets no rest A to the G to the U to the STD I'm d boy because I'm from D I'm crazy, a lunatic on a beat My rap will blow your mind with2 My tongue technology A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD I'll blow your mind with My tongue technology I hunt down those who copy the copiers. Get 'em down no matter who the fuck they are. Doesn't matter if I'm a jerk or if I'm wack or fake, I'm the one who carves history across the field. Among boring rappers, I get the lion's share. I'm about to take your bread. Bros' jealousy making all this noise. Hey ho I don't give a fuck Keep shoveling shit I'll bury you alive in the grave You dug yourself Hey ho you can't handle me You wasted rappers should be grateful I'm an idol Cause I'm busy, I'm busy, 24/7, what rest? Latecomers, go play amongst yourselves. Jealous and childish you wail, Yet you don't know shit.3 Paris to New York, damn My non-stop schedule A to the G to the U to the STD I'm d boy because I'm from D I'm crazy, a lunatic on a beat My rap will blow your mind with My tongue technology A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD I'll blow your mind with My tongue technology I’m sorry. Honestly, I am. I'm sorry I took your daily bread, boy. I'm sorry. Don't be mad. When you lose your only asset, health, Your mom's going to be upset. I'm sorry. Change careers. Amazing how you keep digging, So change, boy. I’m sorry. Honestly, I am. That your rapping sucks compared to mine. A to the G to the U to the STD I'm d boy because I'm from D I'm crazy, a lunatic on a beat My rap will blow your mind with My tongue technology A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD I'll blow your mind with My tongue technology A to the G to the U to the STD I'm d boy because I'm from D I'm crazy, a lunatic on a beat My rap will blow your mind with My tongue technology A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD A to the G to the U to the STD I'll blow your mind with My tongue technology

1. I straight up had no idea what the "SSaihanuwar" line is supposed to mean when I was making this vid. People said it was a pre-debut song, so I assumed he meant his skills had improved. What it actually refers to is that song bragging that they'd sold 30,000 copies, while as of this song, they were selling 500,000, so that childish bragging about a tiny past achievement is embarrassing now. Of course, as I type this, BTS sells like four million albums a year…

2. This is referencing a movie title, The Wailing, and then a famous line from the movie, which is said in dialect. I haven't seen the movie and nothing online explains the context in which "Important? You don't know what's important!" is used. If anybody's seen it, feel free to drop me a comment. Hopefully, it won't be something I'd radically change in the vid.

3. Literally 'take you to Hong Kong', which can be used like "blow your mind" in the regular sense, but is also used to mean "give you an orgasm", hence the italics on 'blow' above. Yes, it's an oral sex joke. Yes, he means it like that.

What the song means and what I did with it:

Okay, so now that we know the main lyric of this song is apparently "STD", what's it actually about?

Overall, this is a diss track. Like most BTS dis songs, the concept is: I may be an idol, but I'm still twice the man and twice the rapper you are.

I'm not the only one who was surprised to hear good rappers show up in an idol group: the underground rap scene that Suga comes out of thinks of idols as both inauthentic sellouts and as embarrassingly girly. They wear makeup and sparkly outfits. Laaaaaame.

This felt like an excellent parallel to the social position of eunuchs in The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty: Wang Zhi is one of the most competent and ruthless, yet loyal and honorable administrators we see in the entire series. If he were running the government, all of them would be better off. He's like that version of Lex Luthor or Emhyr var Emreis that astolat likes to write.

Throughout the series, politicians and generals see Wang Zhi as less than a man and thus not a worthy enemy or not worthy of his high position, but he's twice as worthy as any of them. He's not only better at being a ruthless badass, but he's better at keeping the body count low. Sure, he's introduced forcing a guy to commit suicide… But Wang Zhi promises him his family will be spared the same fate, where normally a traitor's entire family would be wiped out. The only reason things go poorly later is that the guy's son is too stupid to realize what a favor WZ did them.

Even Tang Fan is a complete asshole to him repeatedly. In this case, he doesn't treat WZ as lesser, but he's so naive and fixated on fluffy feelings that he assumes WZ is cold and cruel when he's pragmatic or that he has no feelings when he's clearly devastated but trying to fix the situation instead of breaking down about it. TF is the worst sort of idiot who values superficial virtue over practical results. It's a good thing he's so endearing!

There's this heartwarming bit at the end of the series about how WZ learned humanity from TF and SZ or something, but it's complete nonsense: him adopting child orphans and pretty much all of the rest of his behavior for the whole series was already merciful within the bounds of their society and the demands of his position.

On to my vidding process: I laid the song out on the timeline and put markers for the sections, color coded by what type of section they were and also made the spreadsheet seen above. That helped me see the structure of the vid. One of the first parts I tackled was the opening, which is long and slow and samples another song. It feels like it should have establishing shots, and it's long enough they could get boring. I realized it was an excellent opportunity to have some text on screen. I love typography, but I normally don't do it because there's no space in the song I've chosen, and I'm making the vid on the day of the deadline and have no time to think about fonts. Poking through all the confusingly-named Chinese fonts I have installed took as long as all the editing in this section.

I then had to figure out what to do with the chorus.

Yoongi's normal rapper name as part of BTS is 'Suga'. He's from Daegu and proud of it. So his solo rapper name is 'Agust D', which is 'DT Suga' backwards. A to the G to the U to the STD is just him repeating his own name. Aside from saying Agust D = Wang Zhi, I didn't have a lot of specific ideas here. Wang Zhi has a really hot mouth, but there isn't that much in canon that's an obvious oral sex joke.

I knew I didn't want to make the vid strictly a linear retelling of canon since the point was more conceptual. I also love the emotional impact of the Yang Fu stuff, both the times it's funny and the times it's upsetting for characters, but it's hard to communicate it in a vid without spending some time, so I decided to use the choruses entirely for Yang Fu. At the very end of the vid I had more story that needed to go somewhere and no more Yang Fu (and I wouldn't have ended on Yang Fu anyway), so I had to vary that pattern.

The final verse is a 2-part one that is slow and even more sneering than the rest of the song, so I picked WZ's most idiotic enemy for that. WZ literally took away his job by killing his father, which caused him to come home from the military and his brother to be fired from his job as an official. His mother is ill because of grief, and everyone keeps telling him to go look after his family instead of chasing WZ around and trying to start shit, so the lyrics are quite apt. This guy is just not up to WZ's weight class, and that's what this verse is about.

The first two verses required more thought. They have a 3-part structure and are fast. I looked for individual Wang Zhi plotlines that matched the specific lyrics of each section thematically. There are shittons of speed effects all over this vid for obvious reasons, but I still needed to pick footage that was naturally more dynamic. The show has a fair amount of talking heads, slow scenes, and cute and fluffy stuff that didn't fit the tone here, not to mention WZ being the least important of the three leads, so selecting the correct bits of WZ plot was essential.

I originally planned to use verse 1 for the horse market case, but there just isn't enough great footage to do the whole thing, so I did the first two thirds. Section 1 has military-sounding lyrics about a new recruit taking over from "hyungs" (older guys) who neglect their duties. This idol (a celebrity) is going to show the underground rappers how it's done. I had wanted to use the 'new thang' lyric with flashbacks to WZ first getting his position at the emperor's side, but that footage makes him look too meek and doesn't connect well to anything. 'You could be my new thang' I wanted for Jia Kui, but again, there isn't good footage that communicates their relationship visually.

The general from this arc has a similar thematic role: He's a ~real man~ who cares only about duty and is rude to the effete, useless official from the capital, while the other local powers fawn on him… Except Wang Zhi responds to this by being amused, showing up the others, and approving of General Chen. (By the end of the arc, Chen is all offended on his behalf that other dudes think he's merely a eunuch instead of a total hottie capable and honorable servant of the empire.) The first section is WZ on 'new thang' and Chen on 'my new thang'. This third ends with 'only the strong can fuck with me' as Chen joins the welcome feast. Out of all of the people in charge of border security, he's the only one who's strong.

The next third of the verse is about people thinking Suga got to his position too easily, which is also something basically every official feels about powerful eunuchs in Sleuth (and also in every single other historical drama with eunuchs because holy shit is this a common trope, and also in actual history, which is why). In this plotline, WZ is there to deal with the incompetent border guards and sort things out in ways they haven't been able to. He is certainly a thorn in their sides. For this part, I showed one of the obsequious officials smiling, WZ toasting them, and Chen being unamused.

This section finishes up with Suga saying his past bragging is embarrassing because he's so much more badass now, and k-pop isn't big enough for him (which I think is less about wanting to break out of kpop and more about definitions having to be readjusted to accommodate his awesomeness). The scenes from Sleuth are WZ suddenly revealing he speaks the local languages flawlessly--something no normal official from the capital does and that he's been hiding up till now as people insult him--and then WZ resolving the case with murder and smart political maneuvering that puts one of the local chieftains in his debt. The category of eunuch is certainly not enough to encompass Wang Zhi's political ambitions or abilities.

The final section of verse 1 is using a plane/flying metaphor to talk about Suga being ahead of everyone. It also has a particularly awesome lyric in English that I wanted to emphasize. This was the last part of the timeline I filled in, and I used a scene that is not one of the major enemies WZ cares about but where he is wonderfully bossy and in charge. The guy tries to pull rank on him, and he throws away his supposed police informant badge, being like I am the police.

The second verse has the really fast part in this song, so I wanted to show a lot of different cool shit WZ does. Section one is about Suga hunting down poseurs, whether they're new or long-established and powerful. Suga says he's going to take the other rappers' "rice bowl" (livelihood).  WZ similarly goes after all kinds of people, including very highly-placed politicians. The serial killer duke was supposedly untouchable, but WZ tells him he's an insect. He'll do the low-level dirty work (running around at night in ninja outfits) and the high level supervision (commanding men at the depot). The line ends by talking about other rappers' jealousy making noise. For this, I used Wang Zhi's trial where all of the politicians team up to wrongly accuse him of a laundry list of crimes.

The next line is about how Suga will bury other rappers alive in the grave they dug themselves, and they should be grateful he's an idol (because if he were a fellow underground rapper, they'd be shown up even worse). There's a suggestion in Suga's lyrics that part of the "wasting time" (digging/shoveling used as a metaphor) these other rappers have done is talking shit about him. They hurt their own reputations by doing it, and he had no desire to take them on until they forced the issue. I used WZ's introduction. That politician doomed himself by talking shit about the emperor's consort. Before he goes to meet with WZ, he talks shit about how eunuchs aren't actually powerful or scary to his drinking buddies. WZ spends the whole scene outlining how his downfall is his own damn fault.

The last section of the verse is about how busy Suga is. Losers should go bother each other, not him, because he has real shit to do. They have no idea what's important, unlike him. I opened with a quick shot of WZ's trial and then the silver case. WZ continually waves off concerns about the trial, even while he's in prison for a few days, because he's concerned about the actual problems occurring at the same time, namely that the entire government is about to go bankrupt and collapse. He's fending off assassins and getting people executed. Wan Tong's embarrassing attempt to mindfuck him in prison is laughable. They're just not on WZ's level.

I capped it off by showing the end of the plot and WZ winning. The three shots of his enemies looking upset are all from times he fucked with them earlier in the series. The final shot of him looking smug is from very early on when he'd just informed his chief rival, Shang Ming, about the suicide he caused in his intro. At the end of the vid, we're back at the beginning of the plot: Wang Zhi was always better. He would have worked with his rivals, but they just had to make it a contest. From the very beginning, they should have known they couldn't win.

The vid I’ve already posted to tumblr, but here’s the AO3 link again:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29573175

[biqinsu]

lxc if ur still doing those asks? :)c

(once again i'm doing cql characterizations as it's the version i'm most familiar with! some bits of mdzs may sneak in there too, though; at this point i've absorbed at least a little info via fandom osmosis)

how i feel about this character:

i have so much love for lan xichen but oh my GOD this man is a walking tragedy. he really is trying his best despite the circumstances. he’s what, nineteen when the sunshot campaign takes place? twenty? his home is attacked and he’s forced to flee with no guarantee that he’ll ever see his family again or if they’ll even be alive, and then he’s crammed into a commanding position not long after on top of his sect leader duties. there’s a little bit of peace after the campaign ends, but then there’s the whole problem with wei wuxian and the wen remnants-- and honestly with that mess, i think he could have helped more if he'd realized the status of the remaining wen (i'm not counting the phoenix mountain archery scene; it was weird and even though it’s supposed to drive home the Evil Of The Jin™, it struck me as a little out of place)- maybe send supplies in secret or something, but i don’t think he could have done very much given the political climate (lan xichen is a lot of things, but i don't think that politics is in that top 10, especially considering how slimy jin guangshan was. if it’s anything the jin know how to do, it’s political maneuvering). the lan were hit hard too, and the sworn brotherhood would also make things tricky, as pretty much everyone in this story needs to work on their communication skills.

i do wish we'd seen his reaction to the realization that the wen remnants weren't a secret army, though, since the seeming lack of a reaction towards their fate is kind of odd considering lan xichen and nie mingjue's morals- in the book it would have been too late, probably, but in cql lan xichen would have at least seen the bodies. i think that realization would have had an effect on his reaction to lan wangji bringing lan sizhui back to cloud recesses as well.

then, when wei wuxian gets resurrected, it’s just one thing after another for him. give him a break!! let him rest!! hasn’t he been through enough!!!

all the people i ship romantically with this character:

nie mingjue. i live for the childhood-friends-to-lovers and battle couple tropes, and i really like how they work so well together despite how different they are. also, thinking about them makes me incredibly sad.

i don’t really ship him with jin guangyao, but i do find the ship interesting because things could have been so much different if a handful of different choices were made or if circumstances were just a little bit kinder.

my non-romantic OTP for this character:

the twin jades! i would love to have seen them on the battlefield at some point fighting together, but also: lan xichen can politely bully his little brother. as a treat.

my unpopular opinion for this character:

in regards to jin guangyao, i refuse to believe that lan xichen was following in qingheng-jun’s footsteps. honestly? he was right to be hesitant about wangxian’s word! yes, he trusts lan wangji wholeheartedly (which is also, imo, one of the reasons why he’s giving wei wuxian a chance when he gets resurrected; i love wei wuxian to death but like. lan xichen has very little reason to trust him, considering the last time he actually saw him, wei wuxian was having the worst time of his life and there was a lot of murder involved), but jin guangyao is his sworn brother. he’s known him for about twenty years; this is the man who saved his life after wen xu invaded cloud recesses and passed on invaluable information to them during the sunshot campaign and comforted him after nie mingjue’s death (yes, jgy was the cause of it, but that’s another discussion). as far as anyone knows, including lan xichen, he’s the one who knows jin guangyao best. ultimately, though, he finds proof, and he confronts jin guangyao about it. there was a lot he didn’t know, but once he found out, he took action.

(i’ve seen less and less of this idea recently, which is good, but i also don’t think he’s a himbo.)

one thing i wish had happened with this character in canon:

i wish we could have seen him being happy and domestic: having tea recreationally with lan qiren, teasing lan wangji, staying up far past his bedtime talking with nie mingjue and jin guangyao. i want to see him interacting with the juniors, having a meal with lan wangji and a young lan sizhui, and eventually leaving seclusion to spend some time with his family and to befriend his brother-in-law. i also think he’d get along well with wen ning and song lan. please just give him a break. let him have a nice day.

[bandtrees]

dsfdhgfnhgdsraeW GIVE ME YOUR HUMAN CENTIPEDE HOT TAKES OH MY GOD

YES!!! OKAY!!! I SAY THESE AS SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER SEEN ANY OF THESE MOVIES AND JUST ABSORBS INFORMATION VIA OSMOSIS. PLEASE TAKE NONE OF WHAT I SAY AS ANY FORM OF FACT WHATSOEVER. now let me start out by saying that the director of these movies is a pretentious ‘political correctness is ruining cinema’ ‘welcome to my dark and twisted mind’ asshole. the tag lines of these movies alone should tell you what you’re in for:

1: 100% medically accurate

2: 100% medically inaccurate

3: 100% politically incorrect

...yeah.

first movie is the best. by far. it’s not really as gross as it’s hyped up to be, nor is it all too gorey. it’s not GREAT but there’s clearly thought put into it past the shock of the premise — iv heard the cinematography is surprisingly good and also the take that it’s a world war 2 allegory, which im not educated enough to speak on but at least shows that this movie is trying to be, well, a movie. it’s not really a video nasty splatter film and if you can swallow (...heh) the concept, if you’re gonna check out any human centipede movie check out this one. it actually has artistic merit and aims to do something other than shock and gross out, even if iv heard the characters are pretty hit or miss

second movie tries to be what uninformed audiences think the human centipede is. it’s a splatter film full of shock value and gore and shit and every gross thing you can come up with and THIS TIME IT’S A TWELVE PERSON CENTIPEDE !!!! they take a really weird direction with this movie: the human centipede is a movie in-universe, and the protagonist is a guy named martin who is so obsessed with it that he wants to make his own. thing is, unlike dr heiter, (antagonist from the first movie) he’s not a surgeon! so he goes about it in the crudest and messiest ways possible. and the movie rides on that grossness — there’s SEX and SHIT and BLOOD and GUTS and a NEWBORN GETTING ITS SKULL CRUSHED IN and it basically abandons any of the subtle horror or artistic merit from the first movie in favor of ramping up the nastiness. the first movie barely showed the procedure itself, but this one goes in very vivid detail from showing sliced open tendons to broken teeth to ALLL the other bits of making a human centipede. there’s also a bit where a real live centipede is funneled into a guy’s ass and i really hope no real centipedes were harmed :[

Director Tom sixx (i hate this man so much) said about this movie that it’d make the first one look like my little pony, which honestly is all you need to know that this series is ALREADY going off the deep end

and topping off the movie centipede, there’s the third one, which i legitimately have no fucking clue how to explain. it’s become a mockery of itself, again going for a ‘last movie is an in-universe movie’ take and becoming a... weird political satire. tom sixx appears as a character in the movie, i don’t remember what he does, it takes place in a prison and from what i remember it’s kinda tame? like, shockingly so compared to the last one, but i don’t think that’s sixx returning to his roots and learning less is more as much as it’s just him realizing he can’t do anything with this concept that wasn’t done before. it’s a 300-person centipede — sorry, millipede — that’s only shown for about a scene near the end, all that jazz. my knowledge on this one is very little and i don’t really care to find out because from what i know it’s just kinda... dumb. there’s a gag where a character is eating dried clitorises out of a bag and i feel like they’re just raisins

and that brings us to the man behind the magic, tom sixx! a very self-absorbed guy who’s very very proud of his work and really likes to be NASTAYYYY. talks a lot about his eeevilll dark twisted ideas but it’s pretty clear he just likes rehashing the same one over and over.

[image description: a wikipedia screenshot reading ‘TBA: The Human Caterpillar’]

and over, and over. please GOD tom let it REST please stop the centipedes stop the centipedes pl

[hlupdate]

On the brink of releasing his sophomore album 'Fine Line,' the superstar muses on breaking boundaries, his experiences with celebrity, and his close creative relationship with Gucci's Alessandro Michele.

Harry Styles is the new decade’s ultimate pop idol. Fans pass out, Beatles-style, at his concerts, and 24.9 million followers on Instagram live for his old-school rock songs (Fine Line, his sophomore album, is about to drop) and gender-bending fluidity in fashion, politics, and attitude.

Styles’ song, “Lights Up,” attracted, in whiplash speed, almost a million-and-a-half listens when it dropped on October 11. Just like that, after a short break, rock superstar Harry Styles was back.

After selling 50 million records in six years with the band One Direction (the group is on an indefinite hiatus), Styles broke out solo in 2017. His first eponymous album gave the world an authentic, raw introduction to himself as a solo act. He shed the boy band skin and, in osmosis with the times, became a fluid, inclusive role model for the world—at peace with sexuality, defending marriage for all, and creating a swaggy personal style that enraptures audiences.

Alessandro Michele, the vibrantly poetic, disruptive creative director of Gucci, dressed Styles for his first tour, crafting a look for a liberated young man conquering the world. After several campaigns and collaborations, this season Michele anointed Styles to embody his house's addictive and seductive new fragrance, Gucci Mémoire d’une Odeur.

Styles has been very busy lately. His new album Fine Line drops on December 13 and is sure to hit massive downloads instantly. In April, he starts the “Love on Tour 2020” global concert takeover, jetting from Berlin to New York to Mexico City and everywhere in between. He mentions he still has fun—listening to Paul McCartney, reading Murakami, and discovering the mind-opening properties of hallucinogenic mushrooms. He also sings with his pal Stevie Nicks.

While waiting to dive headfirst into the maelstrom of a new album—promotions, the tour, and all the exhausting hype of a rock star’s life, the 25-year-old wunderkind reassures himself calmly, with a mixture of reserve and heat, that everything is going as planned. For someone so obscenely famous, Styles is truly just a down-to-earth lad from Holmes Chapel, Cheshire in England. He doesn’t hide away in his dressing room, instead quietly walking around in his underwear between takes. He nimbly picks bites with his elegantly long fingers, nails painted black, from the Asian food delivered without asking for organic celery juice or a vegan meal. “The first smell I remember is probably the smell of my mother’s cooking, the roast she was preparing,” he says, his sea-blue, wide-set eyes glimmering. "And the perfume she was wearing," he adds with a smile.

Styles’ tight relationship with Michele was hardly manufactured by a marketing team. The duo’s fanciful, creative lines of flight meet, quite naturally. “Alessandro is a free thinker and his way of working is very inspiring,” Styles enthuses. “If he wants to do something, he just does it, and I find it impressive. When you have the opportunity to witness the work of someone who is considered a master, it is quite incredible. There is no question of class, age, who did what. What he does is for everyone, concerns everyone, and I think that every art should be like that.”

Childhood and the potent memories of scent return to Styles’ thoughts, via the new Gucci fragrance. “I really like Gucci Mémoire d'une Odeur for its freshness, but also the fact that it adapts and changes according to the person who wears it, which I find amusing," he says. "It probably reminds me of summer as a child. Being by the lake with my friends, where I grew up, and the smell of wildflowers.” One thinks of Henri Michaux’s famous verse: “Night is not like day; it has a lot of flexibility.”

“Many borders are falling—in fashion, but also in music, films, and art,” Styles declares with excitement. “I don’t think people are still looking for this gender differentiation. Even if the masculine and feminine exist, their limits are the subject of a game. We no longer need to be this or that. I think now, people are just trying to be good. In fashion and other fields, these parameters are no longer as strict as before, and it gives rise to great freedom. It’s stimulating.”

Styles and Michele have formed an organic bond. “If Alessandro doesn’t necessarily ask my opinion, we show each other things," he explains. "It’s cool to have the opinion of someone who isn’t necessarily in your field, but whose work and taste you respect."

Styles’ new album heralds a dynamic driven by serious writing discipline and the decision to take total charge of his career. “Songwriting is like surfing," he says. "You can train as much as you want to get on the board, but sometimes the wave comes and sometimes it doesn’t. And yet, we still need to train to become better. You can’t just sit down and decide to write a song and think you’ve written the best song of your life. It takes a lot of work.”

How does this thoughtful young man, who ten years ago worked in a bakery in a small English town and is now a musical sensation who finds himself the subject of countless fans' fantasies and smack in the stormy eye of media attention, find serenity? “Celebrity is something I am still learning, experimenting," he says. "I learn to sort out what I like, what I don’t like, what I’m willing to give in my songs, and what I’m not inclined to share. We have to find a balance. We wonder what people will think of such and such words. And it’s accepting to be vulnerable, but at the same time it’s what makes this whole adventure exciting.”

This palpable excitement runs through the new album. Styles hopes that it expresses “a feeling of freedom.” This same vibe of unapologetic freedom is part of the work of his many role models—Elvis Presley, Mick Jagger, Stevie Nicks, Janis Joplin, and Prince. “When I look at them, I don’t know what it is, but it’s this, this something special," he says of how these fellow icons inspire him. "They go beyond the limits. In terms of writing, Paul McCartney has always been a huge influence. I had the chance to meet some of them; they don’t stop being great to me.”

Arriving in a car suited for a massive star (private driver, ice cupboard, tinted windows), Styles departs on foot, with a small team, to drink a beer at the local pub.

The scene brings to mind Styles as a scrappy teenager, in a cardigan too big for his lanky frame, eager to invent himself. As the millennial superstar slowly strolls away, the sweet smell of success lingers: a soft-smelling fragrant mist—the romantic mixture of wildflowers, chamomile, and the dreamy mood of Sunday lunch in the English countryside.

[keyofjetwolf]

THE GIFTENING 2019: Jet Wolf’s Nomination Run-down

Last year, people said they would have liked to know which of the nominations I’d seen, or knew about, or liked, or didn’t like, etc. etc. I HEAR YOU. Under the cut, you’ll find all the nominees in every relevant category (anime, non-anime animated, live action, movies, games), and a couple of brief notes on my familiarity (or lack thereof) and general feelings on the thing.

YOU NEED NOT CONSIDER ANY OF THIS BEFORE MAKING YOUR VOTES

I’m putting the info out there for those who’ve wanted to know, but that information is relevant precisely as much as you want it to be. I can and will liveblog something I hate, I can play a game I’ve played twenty times before. THE GIFTENING is for you, and while I won’t lie (I won’t pretend to like something I don’t, I won’t feign surprise at a twist on my 21st playthrough), I’ll happily provide whatever entertainment in whatever way I can.

Also please note that if I don’t like something, that feeling comes with no value judgement. My disliking a thing reflects only on myself. So if you see I’m not a fan of something, or don’t think I’ll like it based on what I’ve seen or heard, please keep in mind there’s nothing personal toward in you at all in that. AND HELL I COULD BE WRONG FEEL FREE TO TRY AND SHOW ME

Anyway, enough with the blah blah. Join me under the cut if you care to know!

Anything marked only with ** means I haven’t seen/played it nor have any particular thoughts or opinions to share.

Anime

.hack//Sign  **

A Place Further Than The Universe - Haven’t seen it, but from Dashboard Osmosis, was more interested in it than I have been a non-Sailor Moon anime in a long time.

Aggretsuko  **

Aikatsu!  **

Alien Nine  **

Angel Sanctuary  **

Aria the Animation  ** 

Assassination Classroom  ** 

Azumanga Daioh  **

Bodacious Space Pirates - Saw through the first couple of episodes (liveblog here!) Not sure where it’s going, but liked it pretty well!

Bubblegum Crisis - An old personal favourite

Clannad  ** 

Death Note - I think it’s about killing people with a slam book I DUNNO

Death Parade  ** 

Diebuster  ** 

Erased (Boku Dake Ga Inai Machi)  **

Excel Saga  **

Fate/Grand Order: Babylonia  **

Fate/Grand Order: First Order  **

Fire Force  **

Free! Iwatobi Swim Club - I’ve watched the first series. It’s okay, WOULD BE BETTER IF NOT SO MANY DUDES

Fresh Precure - I’ve not seen any Precure series, but if pressed, would say it appears overwhelmingly fluffy and saccharine

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood - a GIFTENING favourite! Barely into it, but enjoying so far. (previous liveblog here)

Fushigi Yuugi - I watched the series (quit partway through the OAVs) when I finished Sailor Moon back in the day and desperately wanted to find it again. I failed.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun  ** 

Given  ** 

Glitter Force  ** 

Grave of the Fireflies - NEVER SEEN IT HAVE BEEN INFORMED IT WILL DEVASTATE ME

Haibane Renmei - I know only what I’ve read via Holligay’s liveblogs! (find them here)

Hamtaro - uhm isn’t this about a hamster

Higurashi When They Cry  ** 

Houseki no Kuni (Land of the Lustrous)  ** 

Hugtto! Precure - See note on previous Precure

Hyouka  ** 

Kaguya-sama: Love is War  **

Kaleido Star  **

Kemono Friends  **

Kimetsu no Yaiba  **

Little Witch Academia  **

Log Horizon  **

Love Hina  **

Luck & Logic  **

Madoka: Rebellion - I saw the Madoka series (fairly ambivalent to it), and heard the movie was terrible, but no clue why, specifically.

Magic Knight Rayearth - Watched this back in the day and haven’t watched a single second since. I REMEMBER LIKING THE BLUE ONE

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha - Someone sponsored this liveblog for a while! (liveblog here) It was doing some really interesting things with kids burdened with all this world-saving shit, I thought.

Magical Girl Pretty Sammy (TV not OAV) - I know this is a Tenchi Muyo! spin-off (watched some Tenchi back in the day), but I’ve never seen it. Magical Girl Raising Project - Seen the whole series, and really quite enjoyed it.

March Comes in Like a Lion (3-gatsu no Lion)  **

Megalobox  **

Mirai Nikki (The Future Diary)  **

Mob Psycho 100 - Never seen it, but know a bit about it through Dashboard Osmosis.

Mobile Suit Gundam (1979) - WOW WE’RE GOING BACK INTO THE OLDEN TIMES. I’ve seen bits and pieces of *A* Gundam, but no idea which.

Moribito  **

My Bride is a Mermaid (Seto No Hanayome)  ** 

My Roommate is a Cat - Never heard of it, love the title, want it to be a series mashed with the one above.

NANA

Natsume's Book of Friends - I’ve heard the title enough to have it ring a bell, but know nothing otherwise.

Neon Genesis Evangelion - I FUCKING HATE EVANGELION I SEE YOU HOLLIGAY

O Maidens in Your Savage Season - This is another banger title, never heard of it.

Ojamajo Doremi  **

Pretear

Princess Principal

Princess Tutu - WE’RE OLD FRIENDS TUTU AND I. I’m currently liveblogging Princess Tutu on the regular thanks to Calantian! (liveblog here) I just got to the halfway point of episode 12, and have Tutu on the schedule for January as well. LOVING THIS SHOW.

Project A-Ko - Among my earliest of anime experiences. A classic. A weird, weird little classic.

Re:Creators  ** 

Read or Die (OAV)  ** 

Revolutionary Girl Utena - I’ve no doubt my time of fully diving into this anime is approaching, but thus far, I’ve only nibbled at the edges. I know there’s shit here, there are too many people into it. MOSTLY THOUGH I’M STILL CONFUSED ABOUT WHY THERE WAS A KANGAROO (previous liveblogs here)

Rose of Versailles - It’s a historical anime and I think there are lesbians?

Samurai Pizza Cats - I could have this wrong, but I think this is a dubbed anime that’s hilariously unconcerned about anything involving the actual translation and plot? And it’s about cats that deliver pizza? I think there’s a crow that’s the bad guy or something?

School-Live - I know the general premise and watched the first episode ahead of Doc’s Eight Days liveblog of it. What I know has intrigued me.

Serial Experiments Lain - I watched this waaaay back when. Bought it on DVD! Still have them! I cannot for the life of me remember how I felt about it.

Slayers - Another I watched a bit back when! Found it to be generally okay, but it was like twenty something years ago because I am an old.

Snow White with the Red Hair  **

Suite Precure - See previous Precure notes

Sweetness and Lightning - I got this as a Wildcard a couple GIFTENINGs ago, and found it to be CHARMING AS FUCK. I’m still mildly concerned it’s going to go creepy and weird on me Because Anime, but otherwise, I had a great time. (previous liveblog)

The Promised Neverland ** 

Thunderbolt Fantasy **

Trigun - I think I saw this on commercials for Toonami? Vash the Demolished or something? I THINK IT’S ABOUT A DUDE WITH A GUN

Umineko When They Cry ** 

Violet Evergarden ** 

Yona of the Dawn - I did a tiny bit of this for a commission, but remember next to nothing about it. (previous liveblog)

Zombie Land Saga - I ASSUME IT INVOLVES ZOMBIES IN SOME FASHION

Non-Anime Animated

Adventure Time - Seen a lot of it pass my dash, I know there’s a yellow dog that can be things, and the vampire and the pink one are gay.

Anastasia - Just livestreamed the movie with Holligay for Eight Days! I’ve no particular feelings toward it otherwise.

Archer - I KNOW IT’S ADULT

Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse - This has been nominated every single GIFTENING, I think, and while I’m no closer to knowing what this is actually about, the persistence is inspiring.

Bob's Burgers - Great show! Seen many episodes! I think it’ll be hard to liveblog in a meaningful way.

Bojack Horseman - I’ve seen through season three. EXCELLENT SHOW

Captain N - What the fuck I think I used to watch this on Saturday mornings

Carmen Sandiego (2019)  **

Castlevania (2017) - I’ve seen a couple gifsets, that’s it.

Chuggingtons - WHY DO YOU PEOPLE HATE ME

Courage the Cowardly Dog - I know the premise, never watched the show.

Cyber Six  **

Daria - It was a Beavis & Butthead spin-off and that immediately killed all interest for me.

Donkey Kong Country (TV series)  **

Ducktales (2017) - I know a lot of people love them, but I have to say, I’m not a huge fan of the Disney ducks, generally speaking.

Epithet Erased  **

Ever After High  **

Gargoyles - Saw the first multi-part episode in a livestream a year or so back. It was pretty standard 90s cartoon stuff to me just from that, but I know it’s well-loved.

Generator Rex  **

Gravity Falls - Currently liveblogging for the Patreon! LOVE IT. I’m not sure we’re outside the exclusivity window for it, but if it makes it into the second heat, I’ll figure out how to go from there.

Green Eggs and Ham (series) - Wait, what the hell, this is a series? HOW DO YOU MAKE THIS INTO A SERIES

Green Lantern: The Animated Series  **

Harley Quinn - Loved the clips I saw of the first episode! Did not love the antisemitic clips I saw of the second episode!

Hazbin Hotel  **

Hilda   **

Home Movies - The few clips I’ve seen were hilarious.

Infinity Train  **

JEM - MY LOVE. It’s desperately 80s and objectively poorly done in places and I adore it with my entire being.

Jonny Quest  **

Kidd Video - I feel like I SHOULD know this, but I can’t place it.

Kim Possible - I’ve heard of it!

Klaus  **

Mao Mao Heroes of Pure Heart  **

Moominvalley (2019) - I know Moomins are those little white hippo things. I am pure confusion beyond that.

My Life as a Teenage Robot  **

Over the Garden Wall - I did a couple episodes for my Patreon a few years ago, and have since finished watching the whole series. I’m up for a rewatch!

Rugrats - I know of it, but have only watched the Hanukkah special.

RWBY - Heard of it! I had the impression it was pretty queerbaity? (don’t quote me on that)

Samurai Jack - I know the premise, but never watched the series

She-Ra (80s) - YES I KNOW YOU

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) - Love it, love it. I still haven’t seen the most recent “season” (it’s a half season don’t jerk me around Netflix)

Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse - I am a long-time comic book nerd and quite familiar with the Spider-Mans. Saw the film shortly after last year’s GIFTENING and enjoyed it.

Star vs the Forces of Evil - Had a liveblog of this for THE GIFTENING a few years back and it was okay, but I wasn’t super impressed. (previous liveblog)

Super Friends - I FUCKING HATE THE SUPER FRIENDS I SEE YOU HUBBY

Tangled: Before Ever After - Saw the movie, never seen the series!

The Animals of Farthing Wood  **

The Dragon Prince - I’ve heard Tumblr chatter in a general sense, but no details.

The Hollow  **

The Loud House  **

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show  **

Thundercats - I fucking loved Thundercats as a kid, hahhaha, there is no way it holds up.

Totally Spies - I’ve had several Patreon livestreams with the show, so have a pretty good general sense of the show at this point. I’m not sure it’d make a good liveblog, though.

Venture Brothers - I think it features a blond buff dude in a black t-shirt?

Wakfu (French dub) - Oh hey, this was a free to play game at PAX one year! That’s it, that’s all I know.

Winx Club  **

X-Men: The Animated Series (90s) - DID SOMEONE SAY X-MEN??? I love this show. Hubby and I still to this day quote this show. This show is not good.

X-Men Evolution - Evo, on the other hand, is EXCELLENT. One of the single best incarnations of the X-Men, in my opinion. Seen all eps multiple times, love it, can talk for a hideously long time about details you never in your life cared about, will probably not make it through an episode, please consider if that is a point for or against it before you vote. (previous liveblog)

Live Action

Agent Carter - Saw the Captain America movie, that’s it!

American Gods - Read the book

Atypical - I know the premise very loosely, and it sounds good, but I’d be a little concerned about accidentally stomping in all the wrong places with my giant clumsy neurotypical feet.

Babylon 5 - I know it’s a sci-fi classic, and I’ve been assured there are characters I would love, but haven’t seen it.

Batman (Adam West series) - A SERIOUS LIVEBLOG WILL RESULT I’M SURE

Black Mirror ("White Bear") - This episode still fucks with me to this day. It’s exceptional, and also very very complicated. This would be a heavy liveblog, be warned. (previous Black Mirror liveblogs)

Brooklyn 99 - I’ve only watched a bit of this and enjoyed it, but like most sitcoms, it’s incredibly difficult to liveblog. (previous liveblog)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - One of my live’s greatest televisual loves. Joss Whedon and time have mostly driven that out of me, but letting my ego out to play for a second, I have to say, I give some pretty good Buffy. (previous liveblogs)

Cagney & Lacey - A formative favourite for tiny baby Jet Wolf! It’s a cop procedural, with all the downsides that implies, but also it’s lady cop BFFs AND I LOVE IT AND THEM

Carmilla - A current staple of the blog, thanks to @cello-moon! I’ve just started Season 3, and if you’re a regular around here, you know how all this goes. (previous liveblogs)

Charmed (1998) - I know of it, very very loosely, but never watched it.

Charmed (2018) - Also loosely known, but even less so!

Cloak and Dagger - I’m burned out (and just burned) from Disney’s Marvel garbage, but I know Cloak & Dagger from the comics, am that only makes me more surprised this show exists.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - I never picked this back up after THE GIFTENING, but had a great time with what we watched! (previous liveblog)

Critical Role (The Night Before Critmas one-shot) - I haven’t seen this one shot, but I DO love me some Critical Role.

Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance - We watched the whole series, and I enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. PODLINGS ARE VALID AND HUP IS THE MOST VALID OF ALL

Dear Friends **

Derry Girls - Watched the whole thing a couple times now, absolutely adore it. One of the best shows I’ve seen in a while. Once again though, comedies can be SO hard to liveblog.

Dinnerladies **

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency - I’ve heard of the book series?

Doctor Who - I’ve tried SO HARD to like Doctor Who, and yet.

Doctor Who (City of Death serial) - See above, no thoughts on this serial specifically.

Elementary - I’ve seen the first three seasons, I think it is? They began to lose me with some season choices, but I love Sherlock and Joan SO MUCH.

Farscape - I watched the series when it was first on The Sci-Fi Channel, but they kept jerking the schedule around and it fell off my radar. Quite liked it though, as I recall.

Galavant - I SUPER BELIEVE IN YOU TAD COOPER (previous liveblogs)

Good Omens (miniseries) - Read the book and survived the miniseries consuming Tumblr, but didn’t watch it myself.

Hannibal - I remember when this was EVERYWHERE, but mostly I remember that it was very gay and had that guy from Rogue One in it.

Hellier  **

His Dark Materials - Haven’t watched it, haven’t read the books, I know nothing!

Kamen Rider (1971, ep 1)  **

Kamen Rider Fourze  **

Kamen Rider W  **

Kanpai Senshi After V  **

Killing Eve - I’ve seen some photo and gif sets, but haven’t watched it. I think they’re trying to murder each other? But also fuck? IT’S VERY CONFUSING

Legends of Tomorrow - I know it’s a DC show, and I think it has something to do with time travelers?

Leverage - I just watched and streamed my first two episodes last night on Patreon! Quite enjoyed it, more than I expected to.

LOST - Until proven otherwise, I’ll assume this was a troll nomination. GOOD GOD I HATE LOST

Lost Girl  **

Love Island (season 3)  **

Maho Sentai Magiranger  **

Midnight Dinner: Tokyo Stories  **

Murder She Wrote - Actual lol, I have no idea why this was nominated, but I love it and also you. ANGELA LANSBURY ON TV WE ALL WIN

Murdoch Mysteries  **

Once Upon a Time - The premise is fairytales all smooshed together I think?

One Day at a Time (2017) - I’ve watched all but the most recent season, I think. Good show, very enjoyable, but mostly “watch and forget” for me.

Orphan Black - Currently liveblogging, thanks to @skylineofspace​! I’m currently on episode 4, and absolutely loving it. (previous liveblogs)

Parks and Recreation - I’ve seen all but the last season, I think. Great show, but once again, I’d expect a difficult time liveblogging it.

Pushing Daisies - Never seen it. I think it’s about someone whose touch kills?

Re:Mind  **

Russian Doll - Never seen a single second, but I’ve heard nothing but good things through the grapevine.

Sapphire & Steel - HUBBY’S TROLLING ME AGAIN. This is an oooold old old English sci-fi/horror show that I used to watch when I was a tiny tiny Jet Wolf and it scared the shit out of me. I’M STILL MILDLY TRAUMATIZED BY IT TO THIS DAY

Schitt's Creek  **

Sense8  **

Shanara  **

Smash  **

Star Trek: The Next Generation - I love me some Star Trek. I’ve seen all of TNG, but haven’t sat down to fully rewatch the series ever, so most I only saw when they first aired.

Stargate SG1 - I think this is based on a movie I also haven’t seen.

Tantei no Tantei  **

Terrace House  **

The Good Place - OKAY SO THE GOOD PLACE. I watched the first two seasons and LOVED THEM. Mostly. I DO NOT love the Eleanor/Chidi thing. I do not love it to the extent that it completely sucked out my desire to continue with the show. I haven’t seen anything of it past the S2 finale. (previous liveblog)

The Haunting of Hill House - Watched and enjoyed the whole miniseries. I confess to being uncertain about liveblogging this though, as I feel Doc is doing it so much better than I could hope to do.

The Magicians & The Crown  **

The Mandalorian - I KNOW BABY YODA BECAUSE I AM A PERSON WHO EXISTS IN OUR MODERN WORLD (that is all I know)

The Middleman  **

The Tick (2016) - I know and enjoyed the cartoon!

The Untamed  **

Twilight Zone - Who doesn’t know the Twilight Zone, it’s a fucking classic for a reason.

Twin Peaks - Believe it or not, I have never seen a single second of Twin Peaks. I know it’s weird, I know Laura Palmer is dead, I know functionally nothing else.

Ultraman X  **

Westworld - Haven’t seen it, though I believe it’s loosely based on the movie of the same name which I HAVE seen.

What We Do in the Shadows (series) - I’ve seen neither the series nor the movie, but know it’s Taika Waititi and is reportedly hilarious.

Worst Cooks in America - WAIT AM I IN A TV SHOW

Xena: Warrior Princess - My OTHER great love. Adore Xena, adore everything about it (well, mostly), have devoted a not insignificant amount of my heart and brainspace to Xena, if you have me talk about Xena I may never shut up. (previous liveblogs)

Movies

Arrival  **

Atomic Blonde ** 

Barbie's The Princess and The Pauper ** 

Bedknobs and Broomsticks - Saw it a million years ago, remember functionally nothing.

Best in Show - Also seen a very long time ago, just the once.

Bohemian Rhapsody - I love Queen and Freddie Mercury, and I had exactly zero interest in watching this film.

Brave - A Disney/Pixar movie I actually liked!

Cabaret - I haven’t seen the film, though I did see the stage musical, and it fucked me up pretty hardcore for a while there. (Do not let that dissuade you from voting for it! I’ve been wanting to watch the movie. Trump had just been elected when I saw it performed AND WELL THERE WERE THINGS)

Captain Marvel - Haven’t seen it, but it’s one of the few later stage Disney/Marvel offerings I’ve had any interest in.

Captain Underpants  **

Carrie (1976) - ANOTHER SUPER OLDIE I’M SO DELIGHTED. I’ve seen it as well as read the book (both a very long time ago)

Castaway on the Moon  **

Cats (1998) - hahahah I SEE YOU YOU ASSHOLES

Chocolat  **

Clue (1985) - One of my personal favourite movies, though I did stream it not too long ago for my Patreon.

Coco  **

Crank  **

Crimson Peak  **

Dale and Tucker vs Evil - I’ve never seen this, but have wanted to.

Detective Pikachu - Saw this in the theater, and I’m still not sure if I actually enjoyed it or not.

Equestria Girls Rainbow Rocks - THIS IS A MY LITTLE PONY THING ISN’T IT

EVA  **

Fate/Grand Order: First Order  **

Flash Gordon - Delicious, cheesy fun.

Frozen 2 - I won’t be able to stream this if it’s not been released when it’s GIFTENING time, so just keep that in mind. Also please note that I have not seen Frozen 1. I only just, a few months ago, heard “Let it Go” for the first time. TRUE STORY.

Godzilla: King of Monsters  **

Happy New Year (Bollywood) - I legit love Bollywood films, this sounds delightful.

Here Alone  **

Home  **

Hoodwinked!  **

Hot Fuzz - LOVE HOT FUZZ

How to Train Your Dragon  **

Howl's Moving Castle - I haven’t seen it, but I’ve had a few other Miyazaki films voted in for GIFTENING and Patreon, and I haven’t really enjoyed any of them. I’M WILLING TO TRY AGAIN. Just keep in mind, they may not be for me.

Hustlers  **

In Her Shoes  **

Inside Out  **

Interstellar  **

It's Such a Beautiful Day  **

Jennifer's Body  **

Jojo Rabbit - I wasn’t able to see this when it was at our local indy theater, and I regret missing it. I’d love to see it, but I’m not sure with my goyische commentary would be the best delivery method.

Jupiter Ascending - Love this beautiful dumb film, omg. I’ve streamed this for previous GIFTENINGs though, if that’s a thing to care about.

Klaus  **

Knives Out - Very keen to see this, but it may not be out on dvd/streaming before THE GIFTENING, so bear that in mind.

Last of the Blonde Bombshells  **

Legally Blonde - I’VE ACTUALLY NEVER SEEN THIS. I feel like I have, from all the gifs and shit, but nope!

Love Never Dies - Oh my god is this the Phantom sequel, why do you all hate me.

Mad Max: Fury Road - LOVE IT. I’ve done it for THE GIFTENING before, though, just a note.

Madoka: Rebellion - (copied from Rebellion in Anime)  I saw the Madoka series (fairly ambivalent to it), and heard the movie was terrible, but no clue why, specifically.

Man from UNCLE  **

Masters of the Universe (He-Man, 1987) - This movie is so fucking bad hahaha

Midsommar  **

Monster High: Fright On  **

Muppet Christmas Carol - Just watched this during Holligay’s Eight Days! I’m not sure it’s really in my wheelhouse, being relatively lukewarm on both A Christmas Carol and the Muppets, but I’d do my best!

Murder on the Orient Express  **

Newsies (1992)  **

One Cut of the Dead  **

Pacific Rim - I saw it in the theater and actually didn’t care for it over much. I’d be willing to give it another shot though, it might be better second time around.

Pan's Labyrinth - I’ve streamed this film a couple times now, I think, but it’s a good one, so I’m up for another go if you guys want!

Parasite (2019)  **

Perfect Blue  **

Pleasantville  **

Promare  **

Redline  **

Resident Evil  **

Return to Oz - I saw this as a kid and haven’t again since. TAKE THAT INFORMATION AS YOU WILL.

Rock-a-Doodle  **

Searching (2018)  **

Secret of Nimh - LITTLE JET WOLF LOVED THIS MOVIE. Adult Jet Wolf hasn’t sampled it.

Spaceballs - I’ve watched the shit out of Spaceballs. I love a parody, I’m shameless.

Speed Racer (2008) - I’ve only seen this once,but actually enjoyed it more than I expected to.

Spice World - I legitimately love this movie. I’m not sure it’s GOOD but it’s a thousand times better than it has any right to be.

Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse - Good movie, lots of fun, I streamed it not too long ago on Patreon.

Star Wars - IT’S STAR WARS

Star Wars Holiday Special - I’ve never watched this, and I’m not sure how excited I am to change that fact.

Street Fighter (1994) - I HAVE ONLY HEARD THE LEGENDS

Summer Wars  **

Super Mario Brothers - Oh .. this can’t be good ...

Tale of Tales  **

Tangled - I’ve seen it, but didn’t have strong opinions one way or the other.

The Adventures of Tintin  **

The Great Muppet Caper - I’m sure I’ve seen this, but fuck if I can remember anything.

The Last Jedi (hatewatch) - WELP

The Living Wake  **

The Lost Boys - It’s not a good movie, and I love it.

The Mummy (1999) - Streamed recently on Patreon!

The Rezort  **

The Road to El Dorado - I’ve seen it, I want a Sailor Moon AU of it.

The Room - I know it’s considered one of the worst films ever made, but I’ve never had the personal privilege of experience.

Tokyo Godfathers  **

Us (2019) - Saw it in the theater, totally down for seeing it again with perspective on the whole movie.

Venom  **

Wall-E - Probably my favourite Pixar film!

Wayne's World - Saw it back when! Does it hold up? WHO KNOWS

What We Do in the Shadows (movie) - As mentioned above, I’ve never seen it, but I’ve heard it’s an amazing Taika Waititi joint.

When Marnie Was There  **

Wolf Children Ame and Yuki  **

X-Men 2 - GOD I LOVED THIS MOVIE. I’m not sure how well it would hold up, but when it came out? One of the few films I’ve paid to see multiple times in the theater.

Your Name  **

Games

Ace Attorney (blog) -  I’ve tried multiple times with the Ace Attorney games, and I must be honest and say I just don’t like them.

Amnesia: The Dark Descent - I’ve watched a playthrough! The story’s not good. THE IDEA OF PLAYING IT STRESSES ME OUT SO HARD HAHAHAH YOU FUCKS

Among the Sleep (stream)  **

Arkham Knight (main story run) (stream) - Very intrigued to play this. I’ve tinkered a bit, but get distracted by all the side stuff. The motivation to just streamline the story very much appeals.

Baba is You (stream) - I’ve heard great things about the game, but in a “It was great!” way, I still know fuck all about it.

Black Closet (blog)  **

Borderlands (stream) - Love Borderlands, it’s fun as hell. I’d probably angle for Borderlands 2 over the first, but would have a good time however it went.

Catherine Classic  **

Cho Aniki  **

Control (stream) - I’ve seen a little bit on Steam, just enough to know I’m interested.

Cthulhu Save Christmas - Never heard of it, but great title.

Cuphead (stream)  **

Danganronpa  **

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (blog)   **

Dead by Daylight (stream)  **

Death Stranding  **

Death Trips  **

Detention (stream)  **

Disco Elysium (blog) - I’ve heard great things, would be totally okay with a reason to play it.

Doki Doki Lit Club (stream) - I was so intrigued with this from THE GIFTENING a couple years ago that I wanted to work it into the main schedule, but it just didn’t happen. 100% on-board the chance to keep going!

Dragon Age: Origins (stream) - I KEEP STALLING WHENEVER I TRY TO REPLAY THIS GAME SO I CAN MOVE TO DA2 THIS IS MY PERSONAL HELL

Dragon Quest Builders 2 (stream)  **

Dream Daddy - I know the premise, and the idea of blogging this is beautiful.

Final Fantasy X (blog) - Have I played X? (asks Hubby) YES I HAVE. It’s one of the few that I finished. Final Fantasy games usually entail so much grinding that I’m not sure it’d be a great liveblog, but I’d do my best!

Firewatch - I’ve been wanting reasons to play this SO MUCH.

Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective (stream) - I’m preeetty sure everyone just wants to hear how many terrible accents we can do. And that’s legit! I’ve since figured out how to play mobile games on my PC so the video quality would be better than last time, but that is the only improvement I could promise. (previous stream)

Gris  **

Half Dead 2 (stream)  **

Hand of Fate 2 (blog) - I think this is a card game?

Hatoful Boyfriend/Pigeon Fucking (blog) - IS IT EVEN REALLY THE GIFTENING WITHOUT PIGEON FUCKING (previous liveblogs)

Hollow Knight  **

House Flipper (blog) - I’ve tentatively had my eye on this on Steam for a while, so seeing this nominated tickled me.

Just Dance (stream) - Jesus wept, you all DO hate me. IF I HAVE TO DO THIS I WON’T DO IT ALONE

Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky (First Chapter) (blog)  **

Legend of Zelda (stream) - I AM SO BAD AT THIS GAME WHY

Life is Strange (blog) - See below!

Life is Strange (stream) - I streamed all episodes of Life is Strange a couple years back. While I’m not sure I’d have much to offer on a replay, I’ll happily do it if you guys vote it in. MEANWHILE, here’s a playlist with all the Life is Strange streams.

Life is Strange 2 - My understanding is it’s a separate game from the first with new characters and new story.

Life is Strange: Before the Storm (stream) - And I believe this is a prequel to the first Life is Strange featuring Max and Chloe.

Little Inferno (stream)  **

Long Live the Queen (blog) - YOU KNOW PINK PRINCESS (previous liveblogs)

Long Live the Queen (stream) (with walkthrough to not repeat) - I laughed so hard at the nomination specifically giving my ass a walkthrough.

Mass Effect 1 - I’ve played it multiple times! The Mass Effect series is one of my personal favourites.

Monster Prom (w/Hubby, Doc, & Jill) (stream) - AGAIN WITH VOICES I SEE YOU. It can be difficult to get everyone’s schedules all in alignment, so this may be subject to shuffling and delays, just to keep in mind.

Nancy Drew: Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake (stream)  **

Overwatch (stream) - I assume this is more group play? But we can talk details if it makes it into further heats.

Oxenfree (stream) - I’ve fully streamed Oxenfree on the Patreon. It’s well outside the exclusivity window at this point, and I’m happy to make those public if you guys were interested and would rather put your votes elsewhere. That said, I really enjoyed the game, and think a second playthrough could add a lot to the overall experience, so feel free.

Pathologic 2 (blog)  **

Persona 3 Portable (blog)  **

Pillars of Eternity (blog) - I’ve never finished Pillars of Eternity, but I do have a game with some significant progress I could continue. Alternately, I could roll a whole new character, and would play it however you guys chose. We have options if we go this route!

Pokemon Go (stream/videos) - Amazing. Here the link to last year’s Pokemon Go, if you’d like some idea of what the fuck this is about!

Portal (stream) - The Portal series is great, I think it does some really interesting and innovative ideas with gameplay. I’ve played and finished the first two, though remembering the solutions to any of those puzzles is, of course, another thing entirely.

Recettear: An Item Shop Tale (stream) - THIS WAS THE FIRST THING I EVER BOUGHT ON STEAM. I haven’t played it in forever, and I’m not sure how entertaining it would be, but I’m down for finding out!

Resident Evil 2 remake (blog) - IT’S ZOMBIES. That’s about all I know about Resident Evil.

Reventure  **

Sara is Missing  **

Shovel Knight (stream)  **

Slime Rancher (blog) - I have and have played Slime Rancher! I’m a little unsure about blogging it, but would try!

Slime Rancher (stream) - I WASN’T EXPECTING SUCH A RUSH FROM THE SLIME RANCHER FANDOM THIS YEAR

Stanley Parable - I think Hubby’s played this? I seem to recall it has a narrator who comments on what you do, but I don’t know much else.

Stardew Valley (blog) - I’ve never gotten as far in Stardew Valley as I’ve felt I would. Lots to do for me, yet!

Stardew Valley (stream) - Same as above, just in stream form!

Subnautica (stream) - I’ve done several Subnautica streams for Patreon, and if this gets through, I’d release them so everyone (who wants to) can catch up. If I recall, my last play left off with me exploring a big ass ship that crashed.

Superluminal  **

Tales from the Borderlands - It’s Borderlands, but Telltale, though!

Tales of Symphonia  **

Team SASV (Pokemon X/Y) - TEAM SASSY AND SOMEWHAT VAIN. If this gets in, I’ll need all the intervening time to try and find my fucking DS. (previous liveblogs, via the backup)

The 7th Guest (blog)  **

The Beginner's Guide (stream)  **

The Long Dark   **

The Outer Worlds - I haven’t played this yet but would be extremely delighted for an excuse to pick it up and start.

The Walking Dead game - I watched Hubby play the first two installments, haven’t seen beyond that. Felt the second was weak, LOVED the first. I’ve been hanging on Holligay’s playthrough, so I’m relatively familiar with the story again, save the last episode, which she’s not played yet. I’ve been wanting to before she did, to compare what I think she’ll do to what she actually does, so an excuse to get going on that would be welcome.

The Witcher 3 (stream) - I know @jewishsuperfam loves The Witcher, AND THAT IS ALL I KNOW.

Undertale (blog) - AREN’T I LIKE TWO MINUTES FROM FINISHING THIS. The fight where I left off was frustrating THE PISS out of me, but if this gets in, I’ll get Hubby to read up on what I need to do, and maybe get around that fight before the liveblog, so I don’t spend the whole time getting nowhere and then punching my monitor.

Untitled Goose Game (stream) - I just last month finished this on the Patreon! I need to double check that it would be out of the exclusivity window, but if so, I’d be happy to release it for you guys. I had a great time, but I don’t think there’s much to be regained from playing it again.

VA-11 Hall-A (blog)  **

VooDoo Vance: Remastered  **

Wattam  **

We Happy Few (stream) - I know the basic storyline premise, but little else.

What Remains of Edith Finch (blog) - I watched Holligay’s stream of this and loved the story.

Wild Arms 3  **

Wild ARMs XF (blog)  **

Yakuza 0 (stream)  **

Zero Escape 999 (blog)  **

AND THAT’S THAT. Sailor Moon Day and Miscellaneous don’t require much input from me ahead of time, I don’t feel, but if you have a question on anything there -- or something that’s unclear here, just shoot me an Ask. AND IF YOU FOUND THIS USEFUL PLEASE LET ME KNOW. It took me ... just SO much longer than I was expecting it to. Which I don’t mind, but if it’s not actually helpful to anyone, that’s time better spent elsewhere next year.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Fake Red Chapters 1-3 Thoughts

Well this is new, in more ways than one.

 I don’t think I’ve ever posted thoughts on a manga before, Spider-Man or otherwise.

I’ve read precious little of the medium so I’m not overly familiar with a lot of it’s tropes and mannerisms, thus my post here is coming at it from a mostly Western perspective. For instance I can’t honestly say if the art is good or bad or mediocre. It seemed fine to me. Apart from one action scene I could always tell what was going on and even in the action scene in question I simply might not have been experienced enough reading right to left to follow it all.

And of course we need to account for stuff being lost in translation. I am uncertain if the intention was truly to have as many F-bombs in this manga as wound up being there.

The highly serialized nature of manga can make doing posts like this difficult as you are so often seeing a tiny slice of the story. Truth be told I’m not sure if I will be doing more posts like this in the future at all, though I do intend to keep up with this manga when I get the chance, but it’s lower on the reading list after current 616 stuff.

Anyway how about the story.

The story is interesting.

Basically rather than being about Peter Parker it’s about this teenager called Yuu. He got into a good school but struggles to keep up with the work and also has no friends, as such he skips school at times to hang out at a bouldering gym where he can practice climbing which makes him feel like Spider-Man. One day after refraining from helping a fellow student getting beaten up in an alley he finds a discarded Spider-Man costume and upon examining it at home learns it is the real Spider-Man’s costume complete with web-shooters.

Whilst wearing it in public one time citizens mistake him for the real thing and direct him towards a burning building where he helps save a young boy. Later on after seeing a classmate called Emma (whom he has a crush on) perform a particularly difficult climb at his gym (and crashing hard when talking to her) Yuu again dons the costume when Emma is kidnapped by a group of criminals. He barely survives and the next day at school Emma notices Yuu has cuts on his arm just like Spider-Man did.

Whilst all this is going on Yuu is wondering where Spider-Man has gone and Mary Jane is doing the same about Peter Parker. Her worries are alleviated after getting a phone call from a mysterious individual who seems to be pretending to Peter whilst watching the real McCoy on a video screen. Peter is in fact wandering the sewers as Venom!

I found the story pretty interesting as an AU goes. A lot of that has to do with seeing a Japanese spin on Spider-Man but one that isn’t really reinventing the wheel for the character.

Spider-Man of course has a history of Japanese interpretations. The most famous is the 1970s TV version (referred to as Supaidāman) who beyond the suit and powers bore little resemblance to the canon character. But there was also Spider-Man from the Mangaverse (a 2000s imprint that tried to capitalize on the anime and manga boom of the early-mid 2000s) and even an older 1970s Spider-Man manga which I hear was pretty bad.

I’m only vaguely familiar with all three I must admit, but from what little I know what makes Spidey Fake Red stand out is that it is not attempting to portray the world of Spider-Man from Spider-Man’s own POV and reinventing who he is as a result.

Instead by having the protagonist be an original character (with certain vague similarities to early days 616 Spider-Man) the author Yusuke Osawa can present for us a version of Spider-Man that cuts closer to the 616 version whilst still allowing himself the freedom of embellishing the story however he wants.

In a sense Fake Red is more about the broad idea of Spider-Man as opposed to specific nuances of Peter Parker but it still uses those elements to add some sparkle and intrigue to the story.

This makes a lot of sense as, and maybe I’m wrong on this, the primary audience for this manga is Japanese people and their access to translated Spider-Man comic stories I imagine isn’t that great. I mean even in America and other primarily English speaking territories we don’t have legal access to the majority of Spider-Man issues, whether they be in trade or digital format. So I’d guess the average person likely to check out this comic in Japan probably doesn’t have just general knowledge about stuff like One More Day or Superior Spider-Man.

Jump back to the 1970s though and that state of affairs would be even worse. No internet, probably no translated Marvel comics at all and with Spidey being less than 20 years old and not yet the icon he is today you can see why the original manga and TV show opted to make something mostly different from the canon to essentially introduce the character to Japanese audiences.

In 2019 though that’s not the case. Thanks chiefly to the movies Spidey is a global icon to the degree that everyone has SOME knowledge about his lore even if it is via osmosis alone.

That’s the smart thing about how the manga plays with Spider-Man lore, it has some subtle winks to deeper lore for fans but mostly it uses stuff that just about everyone knows.

Peter Parker, Aunt May, her house, Mary Jane, Jameson, the Bugle, Venom. There is even a reference to the Life Foundation and the first shot seems to be evoking the famous Spider-Man 3 image of Spidey crying on the church.

All that stuff is either present in the majority of Spider-Man media, present in recent Spidey media (the Life Foundation was in Venom 2018) or present in famous enough Spidey media. The latter would be the Spider-Man 3 reference and not for nothing but Spider-Man 3 both broke box office records and had it’s premiere in Japan so maybe it was something Japanese audiences could be relied upon to remember well enough.

In a sense by being about the idea of being Spider-Man this manga is sort of similar to Into the Spider-Verse but still very, very distinct. Yuu lacks powers, Peter Parker isn’t dead but rather missing and is set up as at least one of the major antagonists of the story.

It’s all quite different and very interesting to most AUs...and it bears mentioning much more interesting than Abramazing Spider-Man has been thus far.

I think what’s most compelling to me is that we’re seeing in a sense a typical Spider-Man status quo but with the focus shifted onto a stranger. This isn’t reinventing Spider-Man as having a giant robot or as a kind of douchebag or as a sort of ninja. Spider-Man is mostly Spider-Man, he might not live in New York (it’s unclear where this is set) and the city might generally love him (which is a situation more to make Yuu’s journey dramatic) but it’s really not a million miles away from current Spidey or 1970s Spidey or Raimi movie Spidey even.

As such the drama I think lies less in just enjoying the insanity of something so far away from canon Spider-Man or seeing how the canon will be reinterpreted and more in the tension of knowing what Yuu is going to go up against.

And I don’t just mean Venom, because there is that mysterious guy impersonating Peter. I suspect it’s Mysterio, not just because he was in FFH but also because a street sign referenced ASM 13 which was his first appearance. And this would fit in with his abilities and M.O.

So yeah this was fun and I’d recommend checking it out.

[musette-thornsong]

OJ: God’s Right Here

Aura Zurie had found out years ago during her childhood that she was not all cell but only half. If being treated like crap by the entire city of Frank wasn’t bad enough, the virus, Thrax, whom she once called friend betrayed and stabbed her in the back (in more ways than one). After losing so much and being used by those she trusted, she had become officially devoid of all emotion and decided never to trust or let anyone inside ever again. The return of Thrax may change that when they are paired off to hunt down the resurrected mob boss, Scabies, who has kidnapped Ozzy and Drix and will only release them if they hand over a recently acquired rare artifact. But soon everyone (including Thrax) will realize the huge mistake they have made when messing with the wrong girl.

One-Shot Parody

Warning: Violence, gore, language, psychological humor

Words: 6,216

Aura, Meth, & Opius girls belongs to me

Staphylococcus Aureus borrowed from a real bacterium.

It was a dark time in the City of Frank. The Chief of Frank Police had just recently assigned a case to Osmosis Jones, Drix, and (recently hired) Thrax. The case followed the inconspicuous murder of Leah Estrogen from only a day ago. Apparently, she was killed in her sleep with no visible signs of a struggle and then her corpse was hung upside down from Ozzy’s apartment door with a message from (horrifyingly enough) the late mob boss Scabies. This gave an indication that somehow, he was still alive (even though Thrax had turned him into a pile of goop). The team had split up to find clues and came across one at the memory banks archive in ancient text about a gem that revives the dead. Ozzy and Drix went to go find it only to suddenly get kidnapped by unknown assailants. Thrax was then left a note by Scabies that if he wanted his teammates alive, he would find the item in question and bring it to them. Knowing he had little to no intel on ancient artifacts or spells and apparently had no other options, he sought out some help from his fellow coworkers. They suggested he talk to Aura Zurie since she was one of the few citizens who dabbled in that department given her “recently discovered” heritage. Thrax found this to not only a big help but also a chance to get close to her. Although she grieved for the loss of her foster mother, Leah, certain circumstances would have Thrax find that Aura would be less than willing to help him.

Thrax: (eagerly catches up to Aura as she walked down the street) Hey, baby, wait up!!

Aura: (continues walking on, stubbornly) I have nothing to say to you.

Thrax: (tries to play it cool in attempts to charm her) Aw come on, baby. I thought it would a nice opportunity to reconnect… (whispers in her ear) especially given our “special” history together.

Aura: (stops dead in her tracks before turning around facing him, angrily stating) First of all, as far as I’m concerned, we have no history. Secondly, I know why you came breezing down my path and I’m not pulling the pin on that grenade. I made the mistake of trusting you once all those years ago. And in return, it destroyed what was left of the innocence that was my life. I’ll be damned if I get involved with you and make the same mistake again (turns her back to him and proceeds to continue walking on)

Thrax: (feels guilty, knowing she was right but decides to play on her insecurities as a last resort, sighing) Well, I guess I can’t fault you there. I don’t blame you for not wanting to help. But even if you don’t, just know…it’s not your fault.

Aura: (halts with wide eyes upon hearing those words, flashes back to her mother on her deathbed when she was a child uttering those same words)

-FLASHBACK-

*Lisa: (sick in bed, barely stable) I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to go on any further. I’m sorry, Aura. I’m going to leave you all alone.

*Aura: (tearfully holds her mother’s hand) Please don’t go, Mommy

*Lisa: (weakly smiles while cupping little Aura’s cheek, wiping her tears away) Don’t cry, sweetie. I know it’s hard, but you must be strong and endure. I just wish your father could have been here with us (coughs) but know that he did love you very much. I love you, Aura. If things were different back then, we could have become a happy family. Even though my life was turned upside down, I don’t regret having you for a daughter. Just know, this is not your fault (utters before her hand falls from Aura, dying peacefully)

*Aura: (tears fall as she screams agony)

-END OF FLASHBACK-

Aura: (hears the words “Your fault” torment her mind over and over until her mental barrier suddenly breaks down from the inflicted guilt, shouting painfully while barely keeping her composure) WHAT’S WRONG, THRAX!?

Thrax: (surprised he got through to her and gave her the details [unfortunately more details than necessary for dick-move torment]) Well, I suppose it all started when I was born, my mother…

Aura: (facepalms her eyes before pulling the metaphorical pin off the grenade in her mind, groaning) Uuuuuuuuuugh….

Knowing this would take long, they stopped a nearby pub where Thrax continued the conversation for several hours until finally getting the main point for why he sought her out in the first place. He explained how Jones and Drix had disappeared and somehow Scabies was alive demanding for the artifact they were previously looking for in order to bring Leah back. Aura’s brain was about ready to implode from all the mental torture.

Thrax: (continues) …and then that old fart of a germ left this note stating where he was and that he had Jones and the cold pill. And unless the gem is given to the old codger, they can kiss their asses goodbye. And, well…you know the rest, baby.

Aura: (bangs her head on the table repeatedly from the long conversation until Thrax finishes, vents her frustration) GOD, DO I EVER!!! I CAN NEVER UN-KNOW!!! These nuclei receivers could have been used to formulate the perfect strategy in solving this case! Instead, they’ve memorized the different types and amounts of beatings you used to receive since you were four!!!

Thrax: (makes a callous reference) Yeah, much like you, my mother was one emotionally unstable bitch

Aura: (retorts sarcastically) Yeah, I know. And it’s because of that shit to this day, you are still a continuously blunt, all-around, never-ending ASSHOLE!!! (calms down after getting it all out of her system, sighs) Look, if I tell what you need to know about your stupid rock, will you leave me alone?

Thrax: (corrects her) Gem.

Aura: (annoyed) Honey, no language on Earth has a word for how little I care. A quantum super-computer calculating for a thousand years could not even approach the numbers FUCKS I do not give. The friggin’ heat death of the universe could not-

Thrax: Baby, are you going to tell me or not?

Aura: Eh, sure. Whatever. Allegedly, the once lush garden of Frank that was closed off (due to the strange death tolls) was turned into a restricted grave site called “The Valley of Remembrance”. At its center is a jeweled staff known as the Archangel’s Beacon which can pin-point the exact location of the Revival Gem.

Thrax: (mildly happy to hear this news) Seriously, then let’s go get it right now!

Aura: (halts him) Upbupbup, cool your jets, Hot-Shot. There’s more to it than that. For one thing, the gem can easily work on viruses at any time of death, within 15 years for germs and bacteria, but won’t work for cells 3 days after death. And seeing as how a day and a half has gone by already, not to mention you just spent the last 7 HOURS making me consider the pros and cons of a lobotomy via soup spoon, I’d say you got your work cut out for ya.

Thrax: (shocked by this news, eager to get going with only one day left) Oh boy! Well, let’s get going. We’ve got no time to lose (cups his hands around hers)

Aura: (brow twitches before giving her answer) Yeah, about that…

Aura was suddenly outside the pub walking through the crowd of cells out at night, minding their own business. Thrax trudged alongside her confused by the answer she gave him.

Thrax: (hysterically states his predicament) What do you mean you’re not going?! This is completely different from my life on the run trying set a record and getting into the medical books. I don’t know the unknown territories of this body like you do nor what dangers to expect from any of this. I could die on my own!

Aura: I believe I made myself clear about my number of FUCKS and willingness to give them.

Scabies: (pops out of nowhere looking worse for wear in many ways) Ebola Boy? Oh my god, how are you? I believe the last time we met was….oh yeah! When you sliced me up and painted the steam room floor with my carcass

Thrax: (expresses rather irritably, but restrains himself not wanting lose it and kill the only suspect they had in this case, grunting) Fiiine…

Scabies: (mockingly) And where’s the old crew? Haven’t seen them for quite some time

Thrax: They’re dead. Much like how you’ll be again if you don’t beat it.

Scabies: (feigns caring nature) Aww, ain’t that a pity? You at least make some good trophies out of em’?

Thrax: (disgusted) AW HELL NO!! I may be one sick sadistic motherfucker but I ain’t that sick, old man!

Scabies: Ah, such a waste…

Aura: (callously adds on) He’s right you know. Keeping specific remains of your enemies can make for some pretty-sick trophies.

Thrax: (annoyed) Okay, seriously, Aura!? That’s not funny. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a gem to find, two idiots to save, and a dead broad to revive.

Scabies: (looks to Aura scanning over with familiarity) Oh, Aura is it? You his new girl? Well, ain’t you a saucer of cream! It’s so nice to see that even the legendary Ebola-knockoff found someone on his level.

Thrax: (growls at the remark and how he was looking at Aura)

Aura: (laughs casually before eyes widen, clearly insulted) Ehehehe…What?

Scabies: Oh no, it’s cute. I just love the whole “tough-girl” persona ya got goin’ on here. Very convincing. Well, don’t wanna take up any more your time. Sure you sweet kids got a lot to do. I’m sure you’ll have no problem clearing “The Valley of Remembrance”.

Thrax: (attempts to speak for Aura) Actually, Aura just made it clear that she’s not-

Aura: (slightly deranged) Come on, Thrax. We got two idiots and a broad to save (starts walking past Scabies)

Thrax: (walks beside her rather delighted) So, you’re actually gonna help now? Well alright! Operation: Damage Control is a go (places his arm around her)

Aura: (firmly) Don’t touch me

Thrax: Still not there yet?

Aura: Not even close.

Scabies: (smiles wryly)

Thrax and Aura had stopped at a nearby inn for the night in order to get an early start on their mission for the Revival Gem. However, some would come to find it difficult to sleep that night. By morning, they had left the inn and made their way to the Valley of Remembrance where Thrax burned off seal to the gate to save time. Aura lead the way through the silent yet beautiful gardens and enchanted glades. It was all lovely but had an eeriness to it considering there was not one living thing around thus hinting to the term “silent as the grave”.

Aura: (calmly yet alert) Keep your eyes and ears open for anything. There’s no telling what might be lurking around.

Thrax: (smugly) Please. There ain’t nothin’ Big Daddy Thrax can’t handle.

Aura: (rolls her eyes, grunts) Uuugh

Thrax walked on casually next to Aura. He figured this would be a good opportunity to try to get close to her. But given the atmosphere, he wasn’t entirely sure how to break the ice nor certain if she even wanted to talk. Aura was unsure of a couple things too but figured she’d ask just to be sure.

Aura: (chuckles awkwardly) Hey, uh, random question. Uh, you didn’t hear anything…weird last night…Did you?

Thrax: (ponders back to last night) Uuuuuh….

 -FLASHBACK-

*Aura: (cries loudly through the wall) Momma Lisa!!! (cries more) Oh god, why couldn’t I save you?! Why?! Momma! MOMMA!!! (cries even more)

*Thrax: (hears her sorrowful wails in confusion unable to sleep)

-END OF FLASHBACK-

 Thrax: (slightly goes bright crimson, goes into immediate denial not wanting to say the wrong thing) Uh, no. Definitly not. I’m like a super heavy sleeper, so… (walks on)

Aura: (laughs nervously) Good, good (clears throat) Yeah, sleep is…sleep is good (continues walking)

Thrax: (comes to her, curiously) Sooooooo…Who’s Momma Lisa?

Aura: (snaps) I KNEW IT!!!

At the same time of her outburst, random vines sudden bursts out from bushes and quickly wrapped around Thrax’s ankles, lifting him straight off the ground. The vines revealed to belong to a giant Audrey II-like plant monster that became attracted to closest heat source. It opened its trap preparing to devour Thrax.

Aura: (slightly giggles at Thrax’s awkward predicament)

Thrax: (screams at the sudden lift coming face-to-face with the monster, embarrassment sets in as this was happening in front of Aura of all people) AAAAAAAAAAHH!!! Baby don’t stare at me like this!!

Aura: (yells in response) First off, I’m not your baby so quit calling me that! Secondly, I think you have more pressing concerns!!

Thrax: (slashes around frantically) Well, WHAT DO I DO?!

Aura: Just stay calm. You already have everything you need to beat it.

Thrax: (responds sarcastically) Oh, and what’s that? The power to believe in myself?

Aura: (irritated that Thrax was deliberately trying pluck a nerve) Noooooo, your claw, smartass!! Stab it!!

Thrax: Oh…right (slices off the vines from his ankles before diving at the plant beast, burying his claw straight through and causing it to explode before landing safely on the ground)

Aura: (sighs, locking arms Thrax against her better judgement) Yeah, maybe you should stick closer to me. Those things are attracted to heat and will not think twice about snuffing it out. And seeing as how you’re walking blazing inferno, you’re aggroing everything in this place.

Thrax: (blushes a bit then puts back on the “tough guy” façade before pulling away from her with a smirk) First off, if it’s one thing I know how to turn up and down, baby, it’s heat. Secondly, there’s need no need to worry your pretty, little head. Big Daddy Thrax can take care of himself (walks ahead before suddenly stepping on a random vine which woke up several more plant monsters, screaming) AAAAAAAAAAHH!!! BAAABYYYYYYY!!!!!

Aura: (raises a brow, unimpressed before sighing) This is gonna be my whole day, isn’t it?

After saving Thrax’s hide many a time from becoming every plant’s main course, they had finally reached the center of the valley. There atop an ancient pedestal stood the bejeweled Archangel’s Beacon staff in all its shiny, dusty, cobweb-covered glory.

Thrax: (grabs the staff) Hey, look. There it is!

Aura: Alright, now all we need is the dust!

Thrax: (excited before suddenly catching on to her sudden remark) Yeah- wait, what do you mean?

Aura: Well, I mean, we’re going need the Spark Powder to activate the staff. And we can only purchase said powder from the only drug dealer in this part of Frank who deals in the mystical department (for a certain price). Then once activated, the staff will guide us to the stronghold containing the gem where we’ll navigate ourselves through a series of traps within the catacombs (where most people would never think to look first), leading us to said gem and hopefully the quickest path to the throne/ritual room.

Thrax: (felt like his head was about to explode from the news) That’s INSANE! Just how paranoid were these people?! And since when did this magic stuff get so complicated?!

Aura: You don’t know much about Viral Ancient History or Magic, do you?

They continued their mission in hunting down the only drug dealer, Methadoneus Papaver, who contained the mystical Spark Powder. Once found at a nearby Opium Den, they could see the place was full of ill-repute as there were several Opius female germs publicly seducing several male cells on either ends of the establishment. When they all caught sight of Thrax, they brushed pass the others to gather around him since they never had a virus visit before (let alone a tall, strong, and handsome one). Though Thrax was flattered, he was more concerned with the mission at hand. Seeing as how it would take longer pushing through to get to Meth, Aura decided to take the high road and push Thrax into the crowd of horny germs who wasted no time in smothering him. Thrax was completely helpless in this situation. While he was known for being quite the “Ladies Man” & “Lady Killer”, he never had to deal with so many girls at once.

Aura: Hey look, girls! A present! (pushes Thrax into the Sea of Opius girls)

Thrax: Whoa!! (sees predicament he was suddenly in as the girls wasted no time going down on him, screaming out) NOOOOOO!!! They’re soooo hornyyyyyy!!!!

Aura: (caddy) But I thought there wasn’t anything Big Daddy Thrax couldn’t handle.

Thrax: (glares at her menacingly) Oh, you are SO gonna pay for that later!!

Aura: (chuckles sarcastically) Relax, this won’t take long. If anything, I’ll probably be down by the time you finish (heads upstairs the main den)

Once she found Meth, she got straight to the point about the Spark Powder. He attempted to hustle from her a ridiculous price as that was one of his rarest products that tended to go out quick. He even caused greater insult by trying to get Aura to “entice” the deal further. Meth asked her how much she thought the powder was worth believing she couldn’t do much to threaten him since she was a cop or the fact that she was just a dumb pheromone capable of only screwing her way to the top. But that was a mistake he would soon come to regret. The room suddenly went dark as Aura wasted no time in suddenly grabbing him by the throat, brandishing her claws near his chest, bearing fangs, and her crimson red eyes flashing gold as a warning. Getting the picture, Meth gave her a 75% discount on the powder in exchange for not killing him. When the lights came back on in the room, Aura warned him not to push his luck from now on before heading back down only to find that all the girls completely whored out and Thrax looking an absolute mess, barely keeping his composure and covered in kissy marks.

Aura: (looks over in shock and disbelief) DAAAMN!!! When I said I’d be down by the time you were finished, I was kidding!! But…DAMN!! (sees all the girls with blissful satisfied looks on their faces) Who would have thought you had that kind of stamina. Remind me never to question your libido again.

Thrax: (pants in moderate exhaustion) I never thought…in a million years…that I’d have to screw my way…out of a jam…like that. You got what we need?

Aura: (holds up the bag with the powder) Right here.

Thrax: Good (weakly grabs her by the collar, pulling her close to him) So don’t you EVER…do that…AGAIN!!

Aura: (pushes him off before dusting the staff with the powder) Oh, chill. I thought you would appreciate a group of women going ga-ga over you. (snarky) At least they’re the only ones dumb and horny enough to anyway. Now let’s get going, nearly half the day is gone and we’re running out of time.

Thrax: (grunts, thinking in frustration) *Why do I bother with this girl*

The staff glowed and blinked leading them to the gem’s location. When they were nearing the end of their journey, they came to the stronghold known as Mrsa Castle where they found a secret door leading to the catacombs. Just far up ahead was the Revival Gem on a pedestal. They made their way up to the end when suddenly trap after trap went off as they narrowly escape each one (especially Thrax as he was already worn out the orgy earlier). By the time they had barely made it out of the traps alive, they grabbed the gem and luckily found an elevator that lead them straight to the center of the throne room.

Aura: Man, I thought we were done after that 7th trap with the spiked wrecking balls, but then BAM!! There’s number #8 with the projectile acid worms!

Thrax: (less than enthusiastic) I just…I just want to go home.

Aura: (stops Thrax in his tracks) Wait. Hold on, Thrax. Do mine eyes deceive me?! Tis the fable Blob Throne of Staphylococcus Aureus! A being of microscopic knowledge and devourer of souls! Quickly, good sir! We must spirit away before- Oh my god! Will you just come out already?!

Scabies: (comes out from behind the throne and sat down in all his zombified glory) Well, for a pheromone you’ve got some rather keen instincts for you to have known I was here.

Aura: (casually) Scabies?! Oh my god, how are yo- Oh god, wow, that’s enough of that. (disgusted) Jesus, how do you put up that act all day?

Scabies: Ah, so you saw through me, did ya? You’re quite the clever pisha to haves figured I was once leader of the Sweat Gang

Aura: (laughs) The Sweat Gang? Wow, I thought you might be someone more dangerous, like Thrax over here or even Ebola! Never even heard of you.

Thrax: (looks to her, mildly blushing at the partial compliment)

Scabies: (confidently) Laugh all you like. We’re still one of the most feared gangs in the restricted zones of Frank.

Aura: (snarky) Ooh, impressive. You can frighten cells that think Pollen Pods are terrifying.

Thrax: (points out) Actually, some cells do find them rather terrifying considering Frank’s allergic to them. I mean, when you think about it, have you seen their eyes? They have no souls.

Scabies: Ah, so quick with the snark. Of course, that’s really all ya’ have goin’ on, isn’t it? A witty retort to distract everyone from what you really are. A sad, lonely little girl with no one who loves her. Someone so dead inside, she’d use a lethal virus as bait just to lure me out

Thrax: (defensively) Ok, seriously? My girl may have done some terrible things lately, but I know for a fact that she would never do something that horrible!

Aura: (bluntly) Nah, he’s right. I totally did that.

Thrax: (shocked) What?! How could you do that?!

Aura: Not so much fun when the shoe is on the other foot, is it? Keep in mind that you used and deceived me to meet your ends, remember? I just simply gave you a small taste of your own medicine.

Thrax: (dumbfounded by this newfound sinister change to her personality, though remained silent knowing she was right and should have seen this coming)

Aura: Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Scabies: And to top it all off, you play the “tough girl”. This invincible force you could never hope to be out there in the real world. Getting promoted to the FPD as a top-rated cop was probably the only best thing to ever happen to you. But there’s one thing your position will never let you hide. The one thing that’s haunted you your whole life, that you can never escape…

Aura: (narrows her eyes in annoyance)

Scabies: (smiles smugly) You are the bastard child of former cop-turned-all-around-whore. And trust me, I should know. She was one of my top earners

Aura: (laughs) What?! No, I’m not bastard child of a-…my mother wasn’t a-… (slips into psychotic laughter, finally snapping from the repressed memories of her dear mother) That’s crazy. That’s CRAZY!! HAHAHAHA!!!

Thrax: (looks at her worriedly) Uuuuh, baby, you feelin’ a’ight?

Scabies: Well, looks like my work here is done. I do so enjoy our chats, but I really have a ritual to get going. We’ll be taking the Revival Gem now, if you don’t mind.

Aura: (deranged) Really? Little old you is going to take from us? That’d be a neat TRICK!!

Scabies: Indeed. But a magician is nothing without his lovely assistants (snaps his fingers, giving a signal)

Suddenly, the old crew of the Sweat Gang suddenly came out of their hiding places looking as bad as Scabies. Like Scabies, they were all zombies out for revenge and ready to strike up some mayhem the second they were back to normal. The largest of the crew soon dragged two familiar faces tied up securely

Ozzy: (expresses joyfully upon seeing them) THRAX!! BABY GIRL!!! Boy, aren’t you two a sight for soar eyes!! It’s the funniest thing really. We found out the gem was here as well and came to retrieve it. And we would have called but (chuckles) these guys nabbed us out the blue and we’ve been trapped here ever since. (put on his usual facade) But of course not before Germinator Daddy opened a can of WHUP-ASS in honor of your moth-

Drix: (interrupts) Uh, Ozzy? I’d hate to interrupt such a “tearful” reunion, but do you think it could wait until after we’re rescued?

Thrax: How the hell are these clowns alive anyway?

Drix: (explains) It would appear when you killed Scabies and what was left him disappeared into the pipes, somehow the pipes were connected to the ones here at Mrsa Castle. The power of gem manifested once it sensed a dead soul, bringing Scabies back from the dead…um, partially. He then used a spell stolen from the archives to bring back the rest of them to seek out revenge. He used all of us to get to the gem so he could fully return all of them and himself to their original states before his 15 years comes to an end tonight!! (points out one last thing) Oh, and right now we’re probably about to die. Did I miss anything?

Ozzy: Uuuuhh, nope. That’s seems about right

All Germs: (start to move in on Thrax & Aura for the kill, snickering sinisterly)

Thrax: (worried, steps in front of Aura defensively) Oh crap, there’s too many of them, baby. I may be tired but that’s never stopped me before. I’ll back you up.

Aura: (places her hand on his shoulder, calmly but still in deranged state) Aww, that’s adorable.

Thrax: (raises a brow, confused) What is?

Aura: You think they’re a threat because we’re out numbered and they’re twice as strong due to them being undead. Well, you just sit tight. Show’s about to start. Careful, though. The first 3 rows are a ♫splash zone♫ (walks ahead of Thrax)

Thrax: (goes wide-eyed, worried) Baby, what do you mean by that?

Aura: (laughs psychotically)

Aura had officially snapped. As if things weren’t bad enough when she was reminded of her guilt. Or when she unknowingly aided Thrax in his plans to take down Frank when she was a child. Or when others saw her as a monster or a dumb pheromone whose only purpose in life is to screw or to kill just because she was born half-cell and half-virus. She could deal with all the taunts and slanders. But the moment someone insults her mother, the one organism in all of Frank that brought her into this world and held dear to her heart, that’s the moment when all she can see is red and loses her mind completely. All of that became clear when the entire throne room suddenly got darker and started to freak everyone out, especially Thrax. He had never seen her like this or any cell or virus with this kind of aura. He actually found it to be more terrifying than he was. It was at that moment Thrax realized all that she had to endure from the time of her birth, through her mother’s death, and living as an orphan on the street for years treated poorly by everyone in Frank. But the worst of it was when he walked into her life and used her in his scheme even though she trusted him, believing she had finally found a friend. His betrayal became the official turning point for what she was now. And the germs who were set to kill, started to get nervous and began to think otherwise about the whole situation.

Joe Cramp: (concerned) Um, boss? A-A thought occurs. This cop thought she was going up against someone as dangerous as Ebola, yet she brought herself and our…former boss. We sure we wanna mess with this chick?

Scabies: (callously confident) Please! The girl is all talk! And now that I’ve broken her, she’s not even THAT, anymore! She’s nothing but a gibbering mess, grasping at straws!

Aura: (still emanating the dark presence) Ooh, another one of your famous theories! Tell ya what. I’ll give you the first shot (eye twitches) See how that goes!

Joe Cramp: (thinks momentarily before concluding) Boss, I think this might be a trap.

Scabies: (abruptly) Enough! You’re all undead with twice your normal strength and there’s SEVEN of you! I think you’ve got this!

Aura: (smiles wryly, baring her fangs and eyes glowing yellow like a cat)

Scabies: Now, kill her!!

In a flash, they all came bearing down on her with no restraint. Each one either slashed at her with claws, beat her with a club, bit at her, stabbed her with knives, etc. And the whole time, she stood there not screaming in pain or giving in an inch. This made the others worry and wonder why she was refusing to do anything.

Drix: (shocked at the damage being done) Oh no, I knew it! Scabies must’ve really gotten into her head! She’s not even fighting back.

Ozzy: (worried for his adoptive daughter urges Thrax to help) Thrax, don’t just stand there! Help her!!

Thrax: (snaps out of it, adjusting himself while getting ready to jump in, thinking) *Oh, baby. Now I understand completely. It’s my fault this all happened to you. And right now, you need me more than ever* Well, I guess it’s up to me to save her or else-

Aura: (smiles as one of her wounds suddenly healed instantly along with the rest of her injuries)

Thrax: (stops in his tracks, stunned at the sight) Wait what?

All Germs: (pants, completely exhausted and shocked that she didn’t scream or go down after all they did to her)

Aura: Man, you guys are out of shape! Really oughta do some cardio.

Scabies: (frustrated) What are you Sissy Marys’ doing?! Quit screwing around and finish her!

Bruiser: (pants) I don’t understand, Boss! We threw everything we had at her! How is she still standing?!

Aura: How? Well, it’s quite simple, really. You see, ASSHOLE, you may think you’ve got all figured out. True, I was born a pheromone cell but that’s only half of it. There’s just one thing you didn’t account for.

Scabies: (getting angry)

Aura: As it turns out, the 2nd half of my makeup…is Chiroptera DNA!

Ozzy: (confused) Chiro-what now?

Drix: (explains) If I may, Chiroptera is the scientific classification order of bats more particularly the common vampire bat. They have many known diseases with one being the only rarest exception among them. And that rare disease is known as the legendary Draculine virus.

All: (gasps)

Ozzy: (curious) And you know this how?

Drix: (admitted truthfully) I studied her during that time she was in the hospital fighting Thrax’s venom. I managed to dig up some research on the subject as well as her background. I felt it was necessary for future medical reasons should you need it.

Aura: (sarcastically explains, chuckling) It’s funny how life works really. A respected female cop doing her job has an unexpected run-in with a virus that later puts her in a position she has absolutely no control over. Said events soon results into a half-breed child who eventually loses everything. But after years of loneliness and hell, you hoped you finally found someone whom you could trust that you felt connected to. And that goes out the window when he stabs you in the back in more ways than one and leaves you drifting in the void between this world and the next. Suddenly, the part of you that you didn’t know existed ends up being the thing that saves you from a near-death experience. Get to that point in your life where that side brings out more in you emotionally and physically, turning you a lethal force to be reckon with, and you’re basically untouchable. My wounds heal faster than you can make them. We could do this all day and you dumbasses would not be any closer to killing me. (laughs) Not that it wouldn’t be fun. But I’ve got good news! You see, there’s no need to wonder where your God is. Cause she’s right here… (whispers menacingly) and she’s fresh out of mercy.

All Germs: (whimpers and cries in terror)

Scabies: (scared, finally fed up) W-Well, way to prove my point, bitch! Lording your origins over them like some kind of god! Your strength is nothing but an illusion to cover-

Aura: (blazes swiftly like a gust of wind)

And what happened next shocked everyone. When everyone looked up, Aura was no longer where she was. They turned see that she was where Scabies was, who looked pale with fear as blood came out the corner of his mouth. It was at the moment they all could see something big and slimy pulsating. Aura had drove her claws deep into Scabies, creating a huge hole in his chest and ripped his barely beating heart through his back. Never had anyone there seen someone do anything so ruthless without hesitation or mercy. Scabies was shocked by this revelation as well as he weakly turned to meet her deadly gaze.

Ozzy & Drix: (shocked and horrified at the scene)

All Germs: (jaws dropped in shocked)

Thrax: (shocked and amazed, yet horrified)

Scabies: (whimpers, choking on his blood) Uuuugh….

Aura: (whispers before crushing his heart with her bare claws) I’m gettin’ real tired of your first-year-psych-student bullshit.

Scabies: (weakly) Enjoy this…while you can. It’s the deepest…a man will never be…in…you (goes up in blue flames disappearing from existence)

All Germs: (go up blue flames as well at the death of their master)

Thrax: (stares in confusion of everything that just transpired)

Aura: Yeah, well, you’re dead, soooooooooooo…. (frustrated, unable give a retort) DAMMIT!!!

An hour had passed since the incident. Aura sat on the throne staring off into space with a soulless gaze. Ozzy and Drix were still in shock that she had that kind of force in her and were worried for the well being of her current mental state. Thrax was even more worried for Aura as he was still processing the fact that this was all his fault for turning her into this, feeling untold guilt that she had become as ruthless and virulent as he was. It was all completely opposite of the sweet soul she used to be. Unable to bear the silence anymore, one of them had to speak up.

Thrax: (came up and sat beside her, concerned) Soooooo…how are you doing, baby?

Aura: (glumly) Fine. Why?

Drix: (points out) Well, you did just kill someone.

Ozzy: Which in turn killed a bunch more.

Thrax: As someone who’s killed more than his fair share of organisms, I usually feel a great sense of satisfaction from it. Which makes me kinda wonder, doesn’t that make you feel…something?

Aura: (nonchalantly) Oh, feelings? Yeah, thanks to you, I no longer have those. Went cold turkey

Ozzy: (shocked) What?! Baby girl, you can’t just do that! What’s the point in living if you can’t feel happiness, wonder, love…?

Aura: (lights up a little) Or the sweet taste of revenge! You’re right, Ozzy! What’s the point in living if I can’t enjoy such simple things?

Thrax: (sighs before lightly smiling) Close enough.

Aura: (feels a slightly new sense of being) You guys are good friends. We should go on more missions like this.

Drix: Um, I don’t think so

Ozzy: Don’t take this the wrong way, sweetie. We’re grateful for your help, but you’re-…

Thrax: Like the worst person we’ve ever had to work with.

Aura: (silent for a moment before responding) Is that your big plan? Huh? Make me feel feelings so you can cut me down a peg? That cuts deep, guys. But I respect that.

Ozzy: Yeah, that’s kinda the problem. But I suppose it’ll all be worth it to have Leah back.

Aura: That’s the spirit. Let’s get started.

They set up the ritual circle where Drix took Leah’s corpse out of his compartment (to keep her body from decaying) and laid her in the center. Using her blood, Aura brought the Revival Gem to Leah’s body. As the drop of blood glowed from the gem’s power, it fell onto the body making it glow brightly. It got brighter and brighter until suddenly…

Gem Voice: *Lifeline time limit has expired*

Leah: (goes up in blue flames, disappearing)

Ozzy: (stares in shock at what just happened)

Aura: I’m…sorry for your loss

Ozzy: (bloodcurdlingly screams) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

The aftermath of that incident was no better. After everything they went through, it was all a waste. And now Ozzy was running around the streets of Frank going on rampage, having officially lost the love of his life.

Thrax, Aura, & Drix: (suffers Ozzy’s wrath with some rather critical injuries, shocked)

Thrax: He took that well.

[foxofthedesert]

RQ OUaT FF | OGA: Ch 8

Chapter 8 – A Bitter Draught

An uneventful month meanders by after the destruction of the garrison at the border. In the interim, Regina has spent her nights much the same way. Tonight no exception is made to the routine that has played an integral role in maintaining an even keel through the undulating seas portentous of a tempest about to blow in from the southeast.

The entire morning was spent embroiled in mostly monotonous meetings, one after another spanning a broad assortment of topics ranging from lumber industrialists bitching about deforestation protocols to a presentation chock full of charts, graphs, and illustrations given by an appallingly boring magistrate from the southerly regions regarding the 'dire threat' posed to her local waterways by wildlife run amok. Apparently overzealous beavers and moles alongside unusual upsurges in foxes, deer, and other agricultural and animal husbandry endangering critters pose as severe a threat as a witch hellbent on the kingdom's destruction – an elucidation for which Regina was ever-so-thankful. The highlight of the morning, and the entire day really, was a girl's chorus from the vicinity of Perrault who visited just before midday to finalize booking them for a gala to be thrown in Red's honor. Regina was so besotted with their cherubic enthusiasm for celebrating the upcoming birthday of the Queen they all adored that she allowed them to lunch with her.

Unfortunately, the proceeding afternoon and evening hours sapped all of the positive energy of that delightful hour. Drafting budget proposals for the council to review was not her idea of fun, nor was reviewing the repairs to the western wall nearing completion after a series of delays. All the same, those things had to be done lest the nobles had cause to question her commitment to the kingdom's financial health and the citadel's security. So after seeing the girl's chorus off, she sequestered in her office, hunkered down and scribbled figures until the wrist and fingers of her right hand ached. Several hours later, she emerged only to spend the next two meticulously inspecting stonework and newly dug rainwater management culverts in the midst of an autumn chill rolling through the area.

By the time Regina trudges up the corridor to her bedchambers, she is weary to the marrow of her bones. Pausing at the door, she fondly recalls how Red had returned from a similar visit to the western wall the month before. Coated in sweat and mud, Red had stank something awful but was nonetheless the picture of simple satisfaction at having broken Queenly protocol to help the workers haul rocks, mix mortar, dig trenches, and pour concrete to fill said ditches so that the new section of the wall had stable foundations. Regina's nose turns up at the memory of the smell wafting from her filthy wife, but then she melts at Red's happy smile at having exhausted herself in hard, honest work that paid objective dividends she has personally witnessed. The wall is now twice as strong as it was before repairs were undertaken. Several times during her review, she was approached by workers and offered thanks for Red's unnecessary but greatly appreciated aid.

I'm just glad it was her that pitched in with the grunt work and not me, Regina thinks, smirking down at her pristine clothing. If Red wants to break her back getting down in the mud with what she insists will always be her sort of folk, she can have at it. As for me, I'll be staying clean and dry. Like mother said, 'That is what servants are for, Regina, and we pay them well enough for their labor. Your job is to ensure that labor is not done in vain.' She wasn't right about a lot, but that's one point I'll agree with her on.

There is a part of Regina that cringes at how snobbish that sounds. Fortunately for her, it is not big enough to make any notable impact upon her conscience. The last time she let the stark disparity between the haves and have-nots bother her, she was a young and criminally naive fool who believed in concepts that will never harmonize with reality – such as the idiotic assumptions that love will always triumph over hate and good over evil. Daniel's death was a slap to the face curing her of those delusions, one that she has yet to recover from and probably never will when five years of marriage to a hopeless romantic has only made a tiny dent in her condescending streak. Besides, if Red can put up with her occasionally sneering down her nose at the common man, why should she be bothered to change any more than she already has? And it isn't as if she is the same callous tyrant who constantly abused the impoverished lower classes during the Dark Days.

Since she fell in love with Red and that hopeless idealism her mother tried to destroy flickered back to life into a quaint but undeniably extant ember, the plight of the rank and file has conclusively improved. There is still destitution, yes, as there always will be in a world as cruel as theirs. But there has been steady upward progress. Salaries of workers all over the citadel, and indeed all over the country, have reached record highs under her audacious agenda to redistribute some of the gross wealth being hoarded by the nobility. The program has not boosted her popularity among the effected noble houses, although even the hardest hit among those most wealthy individuals cannot argue with the wholesale economic benefits produced by a proletariat that is increasingly awash with disposable income. Merchants are especially reaping the harvest of this marked upturn in consumerism, and their nearly universal support of her measures has offset any intransigent defiance from the excessively privileged aristocracy.

So no, Regina does not feel bad for still being a bit of an arrogant, pompous, egotistical asshole. And why should she when Red admittedly finds that side of her...oddly arousing? The answer to that question is self-evident.

As Regina loiters outside in the hallway, the manifesting temptation to provoke Red's attraction to her nasty side is quite potent. Yet as enjoyable as the lengthy, highly energetic romps with her wife invariably are, she is not really in the mood tonight. Unusual as that is, all she wants is to settle in for a relaxing evening in the company of her favorite person in the universe. Red's consistently reliable warmth and devotion is more than enough to take her mind off of the sinister looking storm clouds always a nagging pace ahead of her stride. Storm clouds that thunder the ominous promises of the witch that murdered Robin in front of the whole court and wiped the garrison at Tamerlon off the map.

Prior to entering the chambers, she preemptively sets a number of wards over their door to match those she applies to her wife's person each morning since that terrible day they watched helplessly as one of their dearest friends died. She cannot be too careful since the witch threatening her life also made that lewd comment about Red. Expressing an intent to kill her is one thing, but implying untoward intentions toward her wife is another altogether. So Regina ignores Red's limited amount of snarky griping about her paranoia as she carefully applies the wards, and does not feel a bit bad about doing so. There is no length to which she is unwilling to go to prevent such an indignity being visited upon the only person she has ever known who deserves to live a free, peaceful, and happy life.

Thus far there have been no assassination attempts, much to Regina's equal relief and consternation, which is why she has not immediately recalled Mulan from her task shoring up the southern border with Drakkenhall. It also comes as no great shock since there have been no further sightings of the witch, though she wishes that were not the case. Were there actionable intelligence, she could be out there doing something about the threat. As is, her frustration only grows with each passing day and it feels more and more like the introductory theatrics at the garrison and with Robin were a pot of water hung over a lit fire. Now whatever malefic brew is being prepared has been left to simmer, and once heated to a rolling boil, the concoction will be poured out, no doubt inciting mayhem within the kingdom. To Regina, the waiting is far less preferable to the attack sure to unfold any day now. At least in open conflict she can retaliate. Right now all she's done is sit on her ass, hands tied behind her back, powerless to strike out at an enemy who has yet to reveal herself save through veiled taunts. Psychological warfare is being conducted, and having it waged upon a person of action such as herself is beyond aggravating.

The only comfort through the interminable period of peace before the storm is her nightly ritual with Red. Relaxing together before bed, sipping the finest vintage, and talking about their days helps to unwind the massive knot of frustration that is her entire body and mind of late. Somehow, Red is able to stay calm whereas Regina's self-control is fraying at the edges, and when they are together that inner serenity soothes her irritated nerves as if seeping in via emotional osmosis. After the destruction of the garrison and Robin's death, she's been constantly itching for a fight that refuses to present itself. Red, though, is eerily composed, able to go about her daily business without thoughts of their close friend's abrupt demise hindering or entirely paralyzing her. Whether she's just being brave for Regina's sake or has simply stowed away her grief until the current crisis is over remains uncertain. Regina is too selfish to ask which is the case. Right now she needs her wife's unshakable devotion, quiet strength, easy-going companionship, tender reassurance, and dependable affection – perhaps more so than she ever has.

"Hey, hon! You look beat," Red greets upon Regina's entry.

"I am," Regina says. "It was a long day."

Approaching from where she was perched at their vanity, reading the latest in a long line of epic romances gifted to her by Belle, Red offers Regina a compassionate smile. "I heard. Lots of meetings, huh? And drafting the yearly budget proposal on top of that. I don't envy you."

Regina hums her acknowledgement. Red had spend her day in the town that sprung up beneath the looming shadow of the castle almost immediately after construction was completed some two centuries ago. Referred to now as Eisentor as much due to the easily defensible layout teeming with choke points around the base of the mountain as to the massive steel-reinforced gates, manned around the clock, that bar entrance to the sinuous access road carving a path up to the precipice upon which the Dark Palace sits. In Eisentor, Red is a regarded as somewhat of a fixture, as she can be found there as oft as permitted by the many duties incumbent upon a sovereign.

Today Red paid a visit to the bakery Regina once spied upon and learned of the shifting opinion of her people regarding her rule. Red does not say anything to indicate where she went, nor does she need to; Regina can see the burn marks on her fingers and forearms from greedily plucking hot pastries out of the oven because she was too impatient to wait for them to be safely removed. Ennis and Hanna, the baker and his wife, permit Red to have her run of the place. The indulgence isn't surprising since Red is their Queen, although Regina does not think that factors into their overly kind allowance. Red has a way with people that disarms them almost instantly then has them reduced to so much putty in her palm within a few more minutes. The proprietors of the bakery, all four of them, did not last even that long before they were not only letting Red have her pick of the fresh-out-of-the-oven goodies but were letting her design – and hand-make! – her own confections. The first time that happened Red came back home with flour on her face and dough on her dress, which was a costly garment to have produced. Fortunately for her, the gingersnaps dipped in white chocolate she had baked were delicious. Had Regina known Red had a talent for baking she might not have resisted bedding her quite so long as she did.

In any case, Red's day was far less strenuous than Regina's, thus the reason for her being extra sympathetic. Which she most certainly ought to be as she probably had Ennis and Hanna's absurdly attractive children pawing all over her while she was flitting about their establishment like a butterfly perfectly at home in an environment that decorum would expect her to avoid appearing too comfortable in.

"As well you shouldn't. How are Rina and Alfred, by the way?" Regina asks, unable to keep the venom out of her question. She is still uncomfortable with how much time those two funny and kind, extremely gorgeous, and very single siblings spend around Red.

"Doing good," Red says, smile shifting with longsuffering affection for Regina's irrepressible jealous streak where those two are concerned. "You don't have to keep saying their names like a dirty word, by the way. They're just friends who know I don't have eyes for anybody but you."

"Maybe so, but I'd still feel better if they both got married already," Regina grouses, mood souring further when Red chuckles at her discomfort. "Yuck it up, buttercup. Mock my concerns. But answer me this, what are two highly attractive and eligible individuals like them doing unmarried in their mid-twenties? Huh?"

"Waiting for the right person just like I did," Red calmly answers, ever the diplomat. "The see what I have and want it for themselves. And you know what? I don't blame them one tiny iota. Everyone should be as lucky as me to have found somebody like you."

Eyes dancing, Red sidles over to Regina and pulls her into an embrace without permission. To Regina's frustration, she allows the uninvited move, even appreciates the motive behind it and the comfort it gives her. Ten years ago, she would have incinerated anyone who dared such boldness. Instead she melts into the embrace and accepts the kiss pressed gently to her lips.

You've turned into a pathetic sap, Regina. But who can blame me? These arms are the safest, most loving place in the world. And those kisses are worth all the gold in the kingdom. I may be a sap but at least I'm a happy one.

A chuckle reverberates through Red's chest as Regina loops her arms behind Red, hands joined at the small of her back. "You've been jealous of Rin and Alfie for years for absolutely no good reason. How many times do I have to remind you that neither of them are interested that way in girls?"

Regina pulls away, brows arched. "I thought the same once. Before Leopold's death, I held to my mother's puritanical view of same sex attraction. And then I..." she trails off before mentioning her introduction to Maleficent, not wanting to put Red in a bad mood as well.

Red does not care very much for Mal. Never has really since their introduction almost seven years ago. She insists it is because of the ancient hatred her kind harbors for the race of dragons. One of few historical contributions Anita made to her daughter's thirst for knowledge about her roots was an oral tradition passed down for untold generations which holds that the dragons created werewolves and then enslaved them as a labor force they then exploited mercilessly to erect their great castles and earthworks, some of which exist to this day. That enmity is apparently ingrained into werewolves, which might explain why Red is on constant alert whenever Mal is around for the week or so she visits two or three times per year while her daughter Lillian is with her father. It might, that is, if were not for the scathing glances Red often cast at Maleficent, whether Mal was paying attention or not, only occurring when Regina was present. Among other trustworthy sources, Iris has informed Regina that Red acts perfectly normal when alone with Mal, and that they even seem to get along rather well without Regina between them as she oft is to the keep the peace. Obviously, Red's loathing for Mal is just her own jealous, possessive streak rearing her ugly head – and it is a her, as there is no question the source is the wolf, who thought of Regina as her mate long before her human half did.

So, while it is true Mal was her first foray into the boundless pleasures of a woman's intimate touch, naturally she avoids speaking such a truth aloud to prevent any consequential effusion of blood. A fight between a dragon and the most enormous werewolf on record would not only result in one of the participants being seriously harmed, but there is no telling what damage those two would cause around the citadel tussling in their bestial forms. And as much as Regina enjoys Red acting irrationally possessive and territorial, she does not want her pleasure to come at the expense of innocent bystanders. Or worse, at Red's. Strong as Red is in her fur, could she really take on a dragon as big as a small castle and escape the encounter unscathed? Regina doesn't think so, and thus keeps her trap shut.

Plus, if Mal hurt Red...? Well, then Regina would have to hurt Mal, and she really does not want to do that. She has precious few friends as is that accept her for who she is and not who they want her to be. Mal is one of those, and the oldest at that. It would be unspeakably tragic if Regina lost their deeply embedded camaraderie because she was no better than Snow White at keeping a secret, even if it was her own and not that of another.

"Well," she amends after clearing her throat, "then I learned differently. Such revelations can sneak up on you, as you well know."

Red nods, nibbling her lip bashfully. Unlike Regina, Red had no prior sexual experience with another woman when they became lovers. Her innocence in the matter was as precious as it was exciting. And not only in that aspect, but Red was a virgin as well, having never been brave enough to breach that momentous threshold with Peter before his horrific demise at Red's unwitting...paws. Those crucial details made their first time a priceless gift twice over, so lovingly and trustfully offered by Red and accepted by Regina with all due reverence. Regina will never forget a single detail of that night. Every delightful moan Red let loose, every delicious shudder of the taut muscles in her flawless body, the keening encouragements as Regina's lips, tongue, or fingers discovered all the right spots she never imagined could make her feel so good, and even the whimpers of pain as her maidenhood was delicately torn – all are recorded for posterity within the vault of Regina's memory. Honestly, if she hadn't already known, simply being allowed to observe Red's first time while caught in the throes of some euphoria induced out-of-body experience would have convinced her she was indeed a bisexual woman with a clear preference for the fairer sex.

Getting to be Red's first in two distinct facets almost made her regret giving away both of hers, one to Daniel – a secret Leopold kept for her, one of his few commendable kindnesses to her during their marriage – and the other to Maleficent. Almost. But then she remembers Maleficent breaking her in, how the older dragon had made sure she felt immense waves of almost unbearable pleasure before being allowed to attempt reciprocation, and then how she was expertly guided in the particulars of bringing a woman to orgasm. Under Mal's diligent tutelage, Regina became an expert in her own right and was thus able to impart her wisdom to Red, who proved as eager a student as she once was.

The point, however, is that their fateful encounter on the mountain pass when Regina was hunting down Snow was the first time Red ever experienced attraction to a woman. The intensity of their connection, as she confessed to Regina during their initial and somewhat awkward dinner, had taken her completely by surprise. The fact of the matter is that when confronted by the right circumstance or person, attractions can spring up previously thought absurd if not downright impossible. And if it happened to Red, it could also happen to the baker's offspring. Even Alfred and Rina's preferences are as stated, they would not be unique in questioning them for Red's sake. More than one noble lady with a husband has let slip that they would be receptive to overtures from Misthaven's junior Queen. Hell, Regina herself has been propositioned by seemingly heterosexual women. As unlikely as such as turnabout is, it is not outside of the realm of possibility.

And so even if Regina knows she is being silly, knows that Red is being sincere when insisting she is a one woman gal, that she couldn't be happier in their marriage, and that there is no one else who could ever stir her heart or her passions the way she can, Regina cannot help but feel these irrational surges of jealousy. They aren't Red's fault by any means. No matter how much she has matured emotionally since meeting Red, she is still an inherently possessive woman who finds the concept of others wanting what is hers utterly infuriating.

And Red is mine, dammit. Mine!

"True," Red says, rubbing reassurance into Regina's back between the shoulder blades, like she can sensing Regina's troublesome thoughts. Which is not unusual. Damn werewolf senses. "And maybe they are attracted to me," Red goes on. "Just a teeny tiny bit. If so, they aren't the only ones, and that's not me being boastful. I've had to deal with roving hands and leering eyes since I first grew breasts and developed a figure that didn't more resemble a twig than a girl. That's partly why I made Gran teach me how to shoot a bow and Peter to swing a sword. But that also means I have a lot of experience ignoring that kind of unwanted or unrequited attention. At least the eyes, that is. Hands get slapped."

"Or cut off," Regina growls, remembering one time when a drunk stumbling through town groped Red's chest. On instinct, Regina drew her sword and relieved the man of the offending appendage. Red was not pleased.

"Let's not go there," Red says, nose wrinkling as if remembering the same thing. She then shakes her head, clearly finding the direction their discussion was heading odious. "In fact, let's just drop this topic altogether and meander over into safe waters."

Regina nods curtly. She had not liked the subject any better than Red. "Agreed." Silence then descends in the absence of a topic, not pleasant although not exactly unpleasant either.

"Have you heard anything else from Mulan?" Red asks a moment later.

Knowing this avenue of discussion is in many ways more stressful than the one they'd just been on, Regina indicates towards the plush sofa pushed against the far wall right next the bay window. "Let's sit first." Red's agreement comes by silently allowing Regina to grab her hand and pull her over to the sofa. Only once they are both seated, hips touching, Red leaning into Regina's shoulder, does Regina finally give a proper answer. "Yes, I have heard from Mulan," she says, as Red listens intently, Regina's tightly clutched hand sandwiched between her own in her lap, legs crossed, body angled inward toward Regina. "I received a letter yesterday. There have been no further attacks in Drakkenhall since the two last month. She seems to believe this lull in activity is indicative of an imminent strike. Called it the calm before the storm."

"And you agree with that assessment?" Red asks, looking every bit as worried for Regina's safety as she had the night after they buried Robin.

"I trust Mulan, so yes," Regina says, her tone betraying her own concern. "Also, I have heard reports from my spies of troubling rumors spreading through the lowlands between Snow's realm, Stefan's, and ours. Rumors of armed men being spotted in the dense forests, never long enough to identify numbers before disappearing into the shadows like ghosts. All attempts to scout out these interlopers have come back empty-handed. I'd ordinarily regard them as poppycock, but the locals have long claimed there are secret tunnels criss-crossing the region, remains of ancient works built during the Great Ogre Wars an age ago. Perhaps there is some truth to these rumors and some clandestine force is gathering right under our noses. Or this information can be dismissed as of no consequence because they are ludicrous. Frankly I'm not sure which is the case, though I am inclined to side with the latter over the former."

"Is there not anything we can do to find out for sure? Maybe send some troops to check it out?" Red asks, voice hitching with trepidation that has nothing to do with fear for her own safety or having to don the armor of war. Red is a fearless fighter, has proved so on many occasions. But the thought of sending her people out to battle, to fight and die on her behalf against an enemy whose strength is unknown, is to her an intolerable one. And, more than anything else, she is ever-aware of the witch's threat on Regina's life.

"Not with our forces already stretched thin since the corps stationed nearby was redeployed to Mulan's command on the border." That decision had come a week after Mulan's letter announcing two more villages on Stefan's side had been obliterated by their elusive magic-wielding enemy. It hadn't been an easy one to make, as those troops had standing orders to keep a close eye on Snow and Charming's realm. And if there was any chance those two self-righteous morons might be up to something nefarious, the time to instigate those plans was right now when Regina's eyes were elsewhere. "Best to address the foe we know for a fact is operating in Drakkenhall than to waste resources on what may or may not be a real threat. If you'll recall, we made that decision together," she points out, and not unkindly.

Regina is spared Red's response by a knock on the door that she answers by straightening in her seat before bellowing an affirmative command to enter. Iris strides in seconds later, a little behind schedule, looking slightly harried. In her hand is a silver tray holding two large bell-shaped wine glasses that each contain a generous portion of the castle's finest vintage.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Your Majesties," Iris says, sounding as atypically out of sorts as she looks. "I bumped into someone in the hallway, a redheaded woman I'd never seen before, and nearly lost the tray and it's contents." Her fair face darkens almost imperceptibly. "I stopped a while to question her. Turns out she's new, just got hired onto the custodial staff. Anyway, that's no excuse. I bet your pardon once more, my Queens."

"It's alright, Iris. No harm, no foul," Red says, demeanor warm and accommodating for the maid she would insist is not just that, but her friend.

Both Regina and Red accept their wine with smiles and thanks, though Regina's response is slightly strained by Iris' explanation as to her tardiness. She knows of no new hires amongst the staff, but that is not unusual since Red encourages her to trust more in those to whom she has delegated responsibility instead of micromanaging everything as she is apt to do. Iris, to her credit, says nothing about Regina's reaction except to inquire whether she can be of any further service other than the delivery of their nightly wine.

"No, thank you, Iris," Regina says, still sitting primly while in company other than family or friends as Red nervously worries the surface of her glass. As fond as Regina is of Iris, she cannot seem to lose the distinction between servant and friend ingrained into her from a child by Cora. "You may go." When Iris gives a curt curtsy then immediately begins to leave, Regina feels Red's eyes cut into the side of her head. She sighs. "Wait." And when Iris halts to turn back, adds, "Take the rest of the evening off and don't bother coming in until the afternoon tomorrow. I'd like a lazy morning for once. Both of us could use one, I think."

"Definitely," Red says, looking much more pleased than she did a moment ago. "Have a wonderful evening, Iris. And give John our love, won't you?"

"I will, my Queen," Iris says with effusive gratitude that makes Regina feel a bit better than it probably should. "Thank you both." Whereas Regina nods politely, Red offers Iris one of her big, toothy smiles that could light up the whole castle if she stood in the right place.

With Iris gone, Regina sinks into the cushions of the sofa and blows out a breath. "I'm sorry about before. If I sounded upset or harsh, that wasn't my intent."

Red softly squeezes Regina's hand that she has still yet to surrender. "I know. And I wasn't going to argue. I agreed with your suggestion just like you said and nothing since has changed that. I'm just concerned is all. A witch burning villages in Drakkenhall, rumors of strange men lurking in the lowland forests. I don't like the feel of this one bit."

"Me either," Regina agrees, then takes a sip of her wine. The full texture and smooth flavor go down easy, warming her from the inside out. "Believe me, I wish that underhanded she-devil would just come out swinging already. I'm sick of the games. The waiting is intolerable."

"I know what you mean. There's a tension in the air all the time now. I hate it. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Only when it does, I can't help but feel I'll wish it hadn't."

"As much as I agree, we can't afford to think that way. Negativity breeds defeat, and I'm not about to let this uppity sorceress, whoever she may be, beat me on my own turf. When it comes to fighting fire with fire, I don't lose, darling. You know that."

"Ah, my heroic Midnight Queen!" Red sings, using the title she'd given to Regina long ago. "There is no foe in heaven above or Hades below with whom she will not stand toe-to-toe and prevail."

"Damn straight. And don't go forgetting that any time soon." Smirking, Regina tips her glass to Red, who clinks hers against it with an airy laugh.

"As if I could," Red says after they both take a luxurious drag of their wine. "You're not exactly timid or humble about your martial prowess. Never seen anyone best you with sword or spell, and we have a lot of good fighters and magicians in our arsenal."

Head swirling pleasantly from the alcohol, though it has hit her a little harder and faster than usual tonight, Regina grins darkly. "I just look forward to defending my undisputed title in both against the bitch who killed our friend."

"Hear, hear," Red says, then raises her glass. "To justice for Robin."

Approving of the gesture, Regina raises her glass as well, smile fading into an expression of iron resolve. "To justice for Robin. May it come swiftly and violently. And preferably at the business end of my sword or your furrier half's maw."

"I'll drink to that," Red says, and then they take another gulp of the delicious vintage Iris delivered.

The rest of the evening passes with amiable conversation and a few easy silences that see them leaning against each other while basking in their mutual adoration. They also sneak in more than a few kisses, most of them chaste, though a few get heated, one so much so that Red winds up in Regina's lap before they come to their senses. All too soon, however, the wine collides with Regina as if a sledgehammer descending upon a brittle clay pot, obliterating her senses. Vision blurring, hearing obfuscated, heart suddenly pounding in her ears, she rises unsteadily and nearly collapses straight into the floor.

"Wow," Red says, helping her to stay upright. "That wine sure hit you hard. Weird. Didn't do anything for me." Regina thinks, but is not sure, Red pulls a suspicious face. "Musta just been 'cause you're tired. Let's get you to bed so you can sleep it off."

Regina does not remember much else that comes next except for being wrangled onto the bed, her clothes stripped down to the underwear, and Red's wryly chuckled comment as she is tucked in, "Good thing you gave Iris the morning off. You'll be sleepin' late for sure." Then sheets are pulled up and tucked around her shoulders and all at once, before she can even manage to part her lips to speak, the lights go out.

Once the irresistible darkness claims Regina, she remembers no more.

[bowieisworried]

gooood evening/morning/afternoon (i hope this sends the whole ask on my laptop it cut me off so i might have to send... 3 or 4 asks? idk let's see)

it's past midnight now and i just know i'm not gonna sleep anytime soon so i might as well spend an hour replying haha

i always feel kind of bad for falling out of love with groups when they stop doing the stuff i fell in love with in the first place but i guess it's natural to a certain extent. And it's not like i suddenly hate them or anything but it's always sad especially with bts for example just bc they were my first reason for getting into kpop and the ones with the biggest overarching plot line and stuff. and now i don't really keep up with them anymore for a lot of reasons.

but i also stopped keeping up with stray kids for like a year bc their music evolved into more edm style which i just didn't like but now i've come around to liking them again so who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe these breaks aren't forever.

ohhhh yes the find you mv is also so GOOD. dramarama too. sometimes i think about how much of an influence music videos make on me liking a group/their music or Not and i have a crisis lmao

i mean tbz on rtk were like an unstoppable force it was Scary man dfhfh i'm kind of glad they didn't win kingdom too it just kind of felt like they had to try to outdo Themselves instead of the others the whole time and like... how many times on rtk and kingdom did they perform Reveal and The Stealer? like... 2 to 3 times each? ofc ur gonna run out of ideas at some point hhhh

I'm a sucker for vocal who can also rap rlly well ((and rappers who can also sing rlly well ofc)) and i wasn't expecting MY vocal to suddenly get a rap part i screamed dhfgjhf. The collab stage was pulling al the heart strings yea i thought about picking that one but i always crack up at the clothing hanger part idk why lmao

i mean it took me around 8 months to learn all of tbz names via osmosis so i totally get that u say ur never gonna remember them all

It's funny because 3 people have tried to get me into seventeen over the years and tried to get me to remember all the members so i had all this half-knowledge up in my brain before i started stanning this year. Scoups, Vernon, Woozi were the ones i was always able to recognise i think. and suddenly after a week or two i knew them all... that was unexpected and sudden

Your biggest group is 8 members? i'm trying to think of groups with more rn and i can't except for tbz, svt, sf9, nct... okay nevermind thought back to rtk and golden child, to1 and verirvery are also v big hm

oh yeah i start with "useless guides" too most of the time. Especially if i know no members yet. plus they're always helpful for a little group history that you don't get from watching just variety shows and stuff. my attention span is never long enough for behind videos of groups i'm not yet emotionally invested in lmao i think i need Constant Excitement and context to enjoy it and keep watching at first

I rlly hope my friend gets more into Oneus now i'll nudge her a bit in the right direction but right now she's only really been into bts for a few years and while she listens to other stuff she's not Invested Invested you know. But i also got her into bts in the first place so i have high hopes :D

OH i won't go into detail on my album collection in general bc i have a whole spreadsheet for that so you know it's an organised mess But yea! i have a few oneus albums! i have binary codem light us, lived and devil. but i bought three of them second hand so i dont have any pcs for lived and binary code sadly. but i'm very lucky with the pulls i did get!! i got a seoho/leedo combo TWICE and i pulled keonhee once but i traded for seoho with a friend uwu i can show you pictures later if you want

what about your collection? are you the type to collect pcs religiously? do u want to own all the versions of all the albums? do you have a cd player unlike a lot of kpop fans hahsah

i hope your week has been nice so far :>

~ santa

Oh wow the whole past midnight and not going to sleep thing sounds very familiar lol

Yeah, it’s just something that happens with everything really. Any kind of music, or tv series, games, books. Like you say, it’s natural.

Mx really do have some awesome videos and the mv’s do draw you in, it’s the first impression you get of a group usually so it makes sense that it’ll have an effect. The amount of times kpop has had me in crisis mode already is ridiculous haha

Honestly tbz would have done better in Kingdom if they hadn’t went so all out on RTK, they just couldn’t top themselves, they had nowhere left to go xD

Oh, Woozi! I forgot about him, I can definitely point him out in a crowd lol, he’s so fuckin tiny the poor bugger. It’s odd with remembering names and faces, sometimes it can take forever and then for other groups it’s nearly instant, god knows why.

I follow a few groups with more: SF9, Pentagon, Golcha (kind of), Exo (kind of), and Super Junior. I cannot name all of Golcha though. Exo I’d struggle with because of the constant lineup changes, SF9 and Pentagon are fine though and so is Suju (minus the 4 or 5? members that aren’t there anymore).

Give it a week or two and I’m sure she’ll be hooked!

Ooh that’s a nice wee collection you have, shame about the pc’s but it can be a pain getting albums second hand that include them. That is some nice luck you got with your pulls! That combo? Twice? Damn that is good, also pretty awesome that you could trade with your friend, always handy when you don’t share biases. That would be cool!

I... have an addiction when it comes to my collection. I don’t really collect the pc’s much, although I refuse to buy second hand without them, just because I hate the fact that people remove them to make more money rather than because they want to keep it. For Oneus I’ve got Blood Moon, Devil, Lived, Raise Us, and Binary Code. Both versions of BC and BM (not the theatre version) and then just the one of the others. I think 2 versions is my upper limit lol. Because I’m moving I had to pack up my collection so I’ll shove a picture of it in here or link it. And yes, yes I do, got a cd player and a turntable so I’m covered. I used to collect vinyl so I do have a collector streak in me which is a bit of a problem when your ult group is Shinee hahaha

By the way, what would you like to see for a wee gift gifset? Gives me an excuse to stop giffing Taemin for a day xD

There it is, poor things all boxed up. I have added to it since though, I currently have the DVD version of Sayonara Hitori sitting on my shelf, fittingly, all alone. If you're interested to know what any of the other ones there are, or what pulls I got then let me know lol