#nearly a month late lmao whoops

[davepetea]

we just did a biiiiiiiig stretch but our back made a funny pop sound B//

[just-a-creep-babe]

🤭 hehe, I figured you would enjoy that reference. Its so fun outlining and actually writing the scrips bc I know exactly what's going to happen and how it ends!

I may also drop the first script for 'entry 1 - introductions' tonight bc its Friday the 13th! 🤭

- 🎥

👀👀

[froggyfics]

The Deadliest Poisons Are The Sweetest - 5

Your wedding day arrives.

Note: (09/15/23) PLEASE READ THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER. If you have read this series before this date, please note that I have combined chapters 1 and 2 together. This may seem confusing, but I have decided that as a creative approach, I would like the chapters to be longer. Therefore, the original chapter 4 is now chapter 3. Chapter 4 is new. This chapter and beyond are up to date.

Btw y'all it's gonna get saucy in the next chapter lmao

Feedback is always appreciated. Feel free to message me privately or comment below to let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Word Count: 4,844

This is the closest you’ve been with him in weeks. The intimacy of the moment is warped however, with underlying feelings of inadequacy. 

This is your wedding day. Yet, you feel as though you are imposter. You can feel the red-hot glares of the jealous maidens in the crowd. After all, you are marrying the most eligible bachelor in the entire realm. If only they knew that you felt sick to your stomach, and you wished that they were in your place. 

You don’t even look him in the eyes. You stare at his mouth, as if you needed to do so in order to understand the vows.

“I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

No, you won’t, you say to yourself. You led me to believe that we could be more, but you tricked me! 

He places a ring on your finger. Your hand suddenly feels like it’s weighed down by a ton of bricks. You nearly choke on your vows as they stumble out of you. When you arrived in Gotham a month ago, you were admittedly excited for this day. However, Damian’s icy demeanor as of late has left you bitter. How could it be possible to be so close with someone one day, and then completely cold the next. It befuddled you. Damianbefuddled you. 

Your vows were sealed with a chaste kiss. Cheers and whoops erupted from the crowd. Through the noise, you could distinctly hear your father’s booming claps and mother’s animated laughs. Of course they were happy! Their daughter was married off – to a prince no less. Your marriage ensured a lifetime of stability and wealth for them. Not bad for a baron and baroness. 

You wobble to the great hall for the wedding banquet with Damian’s hand clasped in your own. It wasn’t your choice to make physical contact – he was the one that initiated.

“Weddings are the end of their lives as they know it. The beginning of a prison sentence. The end of youth.”

This is an act. You must admit, if acting was a respectable career choice, Damian would be a top-notch performer. The vows meant nothing. The kiss was expected. The hand holding was necessary for the performance. 

You sat right next to your husband. Aristocrats, both strangers and now familiar faces, approach to wish glad tidings upon you and Damian. You accept their kind words as politely as you can. All the while, you twist your ring, round and round, underneath the table. 

You light up when Rachel approaches the table. A genuine smile finally crosses your face.

“Lady Rachel!” you call out excitedly. 

You jump when you feel Damian’s presence near your ear.

“How do you know of Lady Rachel?” he asks.

You gape at him while Rachel curtsies shyly. His question is not shocking – you chalk it up to mere curiosity. It’s the fact that he’s talking…to you! Willingly. And the conversation does not revolve around simple greetings or pleasantries. 

You can’t even answer him. Anger bubbles inside of you. He almost completely ignores you for four weeks and now suddenly acts like you should be receptive to his conversation. You have half a mind to ignore him in favor of speaking to Rachel. However, the ring sits heavy on your finger, and you suddenly remember your place. 

He is now your husband. He is the heir to the throne. If there is anyone you should hold your tongue towards, it’s him. 

“We met one week ago,” you reply. Rachel beams at you while you recount how you met her. 

“We’ve only become closer and closer, day by day.” You hold your hand towards her, and she takes it affectionately. 

“The princess is right,” Rachel adds. “It is almost like we have known each other our entire lives.”

Damian speaks only after he gulps his entire drink quickly. “Well, wife,” he emphasizes when he grabs your hand, “I am glad you have made a friend in Gotham.”

He smiles menacingly. You can tell by the way his lips unnaturally stretch over his teeth and the reddening of his face. 

Rachel glances at your conjoined hands and clears her throat. “Well, I just wanted to say that I wish for the two of you to be happy.” She raises her cup and you raise yours with your other hand in support.

“To the happy couple,” she concludes. The edge of the cup reaches her lips, but she does not drink. She instead curtsies once more and disappears among the crowd of people.

As soon as she leaves, Damian releases your hand, wiping his palm on his pants as if you were a leper. You clench your teeth so hard that they squeak in retaliation. You manage to take deep breaths to calm yourself – in and out, in and out, in and out. It’s truly an act for him. 

Everyone looks to be so happy. Not for you, of course not. They are happy for their own selfish reasons. Guests are fed the most delicious food and drink that the realm has to offer. Your parents rub elbows with highly ranked aristocrats. Your siblings dance merrily along the aisles. King R’as laughs heartedly a few seats away from Damian while speaking to his friends. Even Talia seems to be in a cheerful mood, scarfing down her food. 

Perhaps you can attempt to be happy, too. It is your wedding day after all. You inhale deeply to gather confidence.

“Husband.”

Damian doesn’t acknowledge you.

You clear your throat and repeat yourself once more.

He doesn’t even look up from his plate.

“Damain!” you half-shout.

His head shoots up immediately. “Yes, wife?”

You want to punch him in the throat. His polite tone seems genuine, but it sounds fake to your ears. 

“Are you…” You scan the great hall. “Are you enjoying the festivities?”

He nods his head slowly like he has trouble understanding your question. “Quite.” He returns to his plate.

You growl, but say no more. After all, there is no point making a concerted effort at conversation now when you apparently have the rest of your life to do so. You might as well take what little enjoyment you have now and ignore the glaring loneliness that dwells within you. 

The wedding took place at noon, but the reception continues well past sunset. You did not even know that there existed so much food in the entire city. Drinks flowed like a river all night long. Some people fell asleep in their seats, despite the rambunctious behaviors of others. Some people danced and danced until you thought their feet would fall off. 

You remain glued to your seat nearly the entire reception. There were a few moments where you stretched your feet, such as when the guests stacked cakes on top one another, so that you and Damian could kiss over them. You managed to peck each other’s lips without the cakes collapsing to the ground, which made the audience break out into cheers. After all, if the cakes fell, it symbolized bad luck for your marriage. 

As if you needed any more of that already. 

The reception seemed like it would never end. Your posture slowly deteriorated over the hours, until you were slumped in your chair. Muscle aches began to surface for sitting for so long. You wanted the night to be over. 

“Damian!” R’as called.

Damian pushes the table to make room to get up. He travels just a few feet farther to his grandfather who whispers something in his ear. Whatever was said made Damian stiffen and glance at you.

You suddenly develop that prickly feeling when you feel like someone is talking about you. Damian’s glance made you certain that you were the subject of their conversation. The realization made you shift in your seat. You decide to study the wooden table to distract yourself from your insecurity. 

A tap on your shoulder breaks your concentration. You find Damian looking down at you with a stoic expression. As usual, you can never determine what he’s thinking.

“Follow me,” he bluntly says. 

He doesn’t move an inch and you don’t realize until a few moments later that he expects you to get up first. You push yourself from the table and slowly stand up. You’ve been sitting for so long that your knees crack upon straightening. 

Damian maneuvers you so that you remain in front of him. He’s mere inches behind you and his hands fix themselves to your waist. He pushes you forward, directing you towards the door. 

The once lively room suddenly quiets down, until cheers are erupted once more.

You peer behind you to see that nearly everyone is looking directly at you. Men are jeering, throwing their hands in the air. Your father kisses your mother’s forehead while she blows a kiss towards you. Women are clapping obnoxiously. You face forward once again in mortification when you realize that they are cheering for your consummation. Everyone knows that you are walking out the hall a virgin – only to become a true wife by tomorrow. 

You look back again, scanning the crowd for Rachel. She has been one of the few sources of support you’ve had as of late. You just want to look at her, to search for comfort in her eyes. You find her violet eyes eventually, only for your humiliation to turn into sadness. Her eyes do not necessarily brim with tears, but they are certainly glossy. 

You give her a comforting smile as the door to the hall opens. 

Don’t be sad for me, you want to say to her, but the door of the hall closes before your message can be relayed through your eyes. 

Damian continues pushing you from behind through the castle. You are eventually brought to an all-too familiar, yet unfamiliar room. 

It certainly has changed since you were in here last, all those years ago. Damian’s room still exudes extravagance, worthy of an heir. However, small details have changed.

There are several arms-related items laying around. A full armor suit sits at the corner of the room. Several weapons – swords, axes, morning stars – are hung on the walls. Papers are strewn across the room. They’re on his desk and dresser and end tables. Most importantly, the room feels larger than it did when you were a child. Well, that was probably due to the fact that you felt smaller now than you did then. 

The door behind you slams shut. You jump in surprise at the loud noise and see Damian leaning on the door.

You hate it. You hate that you feel so nervous. It’s all too much. This room brings back happy memories that you cannot – should not – dredge up in fear of living in the past. You stand in a room, alone, for the first with someone known as your husband. Someone who is actually a stranger to you still. You can’t help but look down. It may be due to submission or shyness; you’re not entirely sure. All you know is that your girlhood has officially ended, and adulthood is crashing upon you.

You see his shoes from your peripheral. He stands toe-to-toe with you. You can’t bear to look him in the face. No good could come from falling for those green eyes. 

He cautiously raises his hands to your waist. You grow numb as he removes your belt. Your dress puffs out into a shapeless blob. 

He grabs your shoulder and turns you around, your back facing him. You can feel your dress loosening as he undoes your corset, one string at a time. Your breathing quickens at the intimacy of the act. You’ve had maybe two decent conversations with this man, and now, he has full access to your body. The discomfort makes you twitch.

“Raise your arms,” he commands. And you listen. He reaches down to hem of your dress, and pulls upward. You become blind momentarily until your dress is fully removed, and all that remains is your paltry smock. You feel overexposed. Your shoulders, arms, and legs are bare. Bare! You instinctively cover yourself the best you can with your arms, but Damian, while still behind you, firmly grabs your forearms to place them at your side. You gasp when he places a quick kiss on the back of your head.

You remain stuck in place despite hearing the crumpling of clothes behind you and await for Damian to direct you. There’s a creak, and several more creaks, and the crinkling of sheets.

“Come.”

You turn around and are met with a shirtless Damian, already beneath the sheets. He pats the unoccupied space next to him, and you follow his orders. You slink underneath the sheets and lay flat on your back, burning holes into the ceiling. The only sounds that could be heard is your breathing and the crackle of the fireplace. 

You await for his orders once more. And wait. And wait. And wait some more, even as he slips completely underneath the sheets completely. From your peripheral vision, you can see that he turns his back towards you. You bite your lips nervously and you dare lift your arm up in an attempt to touch him.

“Good night.”

His words make your arm drop back down onto the mattress. The finality of his words make you close your eyes. There is nothing to do, nothing to expect. He is an actor, and you are at the whim of his play.

The extinguished fire from the fireplace doesn’t wake you. Neither does the blearing sun peeking from behind the curtains. What does wake you are the stomps of your ladies-in-waiting. 

Your eyelids instantly open, the crust that developed during the night making it difficult at first. 

“Princess, it is time to wake,” Matilda says in a voice that it all too loud this early in the morning. She wretches the curtains open and sunlight streams in. You hiss at the light, still walking the line between unconsciousness and alertness.

Joan grabs your shoulders and heaves you into a sitting position. In a militaristic approach, Joan, Matilda, and Honora perform your morning routine. You’ve had a month to adjust to their “help”, but it has only become slightly easier to tolerate their grubby hands and rude shoves. You can only say – Ouch! – so many times until you realize they do not care if they cause you pain. You are a job for them. They may be your household staff, but they are certainly still Talia’s minions. 

The hubbub of the morning almost makes you forget where you are and what had happened the night before. You glance at the spot Damian was sleeping just a few hours prior. In his place is the outline of his body on the mattress.

“Where has my husband gone?” You wince when Joan tugs your hair particularly hard while brushing it. 

“You have been summoned by Lady Talia.”

It hangs in the air, but you don’t expect them to answer your original question. It’s the nature of your relationship with them. It only reminds you to formally add Rachel to your household staff. Perhaps an ally in the mornings would improve your days. 

You’re prodded and shoved and squeezed until you are dressed. A green and black gown once again. An emblem of the house that you married into. You are no longer a daughter of a baron – you are now a princess of the House Al Ghul.

You’re led to Talia’s room within the castle. A guard stands upright outside her door, and opens it for you and your brood. Within, you find your now mother-in-law with a table full of assorted small plates. Fruits, cheeses, bread. Your stomach grumbles in hunger, but you doubt you’ll be able to enjoy your meal. Not with Talia. 

“Lady Talia,” you politely greet. 

She waves you over without looking up. As you approach her, she finally glances at you, but now before grunting in disapproval.

She is now your mother-in-law. You must remain polite. You repeat the mantra to yourself several times as you become situated in the seat across from her. Your ladies-in-waiting stand off the side, along with Talia’s servants.

A moment passes. Then two. Then several. Talia says nothing and continues to eat. You recognize that she will not speak to you first, and that you must initiate the conversation. You desperately want to your roll your eyes, but you remember your mantra. 

“Ahem, Lady Talia,” you start. “I have heard that you summoned me. Might I ask why?”

She sharply glares at you. “Do I need a reason to call upon you? After all, you are now my daughter.”

“Of course not.” You smile as sweetly as you can while simultaneously wanting to burst. You stomach rumbles again to remind you that it is empty, so you swiftly gather some items to make your plate full. 

“Will Damian be joining us for this –”

“No,” Talia interjects. 

“Oh.” Silence befalls the room except for the occasional chewing of food. “Is it possible for my mother to come join us? She will be leaving –”

“No. Is my presence not satisfactory to you?”

“Of course it is, Lady Talia,” you grit. She feigns a smile at you, and her eyes sparkle.

She knows that she’s irking you. She loves it.

“Are you close with Lady Rachel of House Azarath?” you inquire. The best use of your time here with Talia is to at least introduce the idea of Rachel as an additional lady-in-waiting. 

Talia sips her tea generously before answering. “Yes, she used to be quite close to my son.”

“Well, her and I have only recently met, but we have become incredibly close. She honestly feels like a sister to me –”

“You’re talking about Lady Rachel?” 

You gulp and shakingly nod your head. “Yes, I am. Erm – like I was saying, she has become a true friend. Since my family will return to my birthplace soon, and I have left behind my childhood friends, I was thinking about having Lady Rachel join my household staff. As a lady-in-waiting.”

Talia stares blankly at you, her green eyes burrowing into your soul. Her façade soon begins to break as her lips twitch and her eyes crinkles. Soon, she releases out a howling cackle. She laughs and laughs, holding her stomach to support herself. 

Joan, Matilda, Honora, and the remaining servants in the room look to one another curiously before they begin to laugh as well. Their laughs start as awkward chuckles until they are bellowing to match their master.

You sit in utter disbelief at the situation unfurling in front of you. There’s a joke hidden in Talia’s laugh, but you remain oblivious to it.

“Oh, oh, my.” Talia wipes a tear from the corner of her eye. “Why, yes, of course! Lady Rachel is free to join your household staff.”

Your face is red with embarrassment as the laughs finally die down. You’re not sure what the joke was, and you so desperately want to know. 

The food no longer looks appetizing to you. The measly few bites you had appease your stomach for the time being. Desperate for the attention to be off of you, the course of the conversation is redirected.

“Erm – thank you, Lady Talia. Say, how did you enjoy the festivities yesterday?”

“Ahem, yes, it was fine.” Her joyful tone suddenly reverts to its malicious nature. “I presume you enjoyed your wedding night, especially. How very lucky you are to bed a prince when you are…” She points in your general direction. “Well, when you are…you.”

A forced chuckle exits your mouth. Never have you ever met someone as blatantly, yet simultaneously subtly, rude. It dawns on you that her status allows her to speak however she wants, and that social graces are only for those inferior to her. 

“I am eternally grateful that Prince Damian chose me to be his wife.”

She waves your pleasantry off. “Yes, yes. After all, he chose you out of…every maiden. I am certain you will do your duties as a wife to ensure his happiness. As long as you bear him heirs, I suppose that is all I can ask for.”

The conversation feels unpleasant to you. After all, shouldn’t your marital relations with Damian be kept between you and him? Admittedly, you’re not sure whether you should alert Talia to the fact that you did notbed Damian last night. Sure, you slept in the same bed, but you are certain that is not what she cares about.

The question that she was dancing around finally is brought to the forefront. “Last night was…successful, correct?”

Your hunger has not yet returned, but you abruptly feel the urge to stuff food into your mouth to avoid answering her. 

“Mmhm.” 

She leans in dangerously close. She remains across the table, but it seems like she will pounce on you if you dare utter one wrong word.

“Did you bed Damian?”

You breathe in deeply, having had enough of the intrusion. “Lady Talia, I feel as though my relations with your son –”

“This is a yes or no question, dear,” she seethes. “Did you or did not do your duty as the wife of Prince Damian?” She slowly stands as she asks you her question, her anger palpable. 

“Does it matter?” you counter. “Why is that any of your business?”

“So, you did not bed him.”

You eye twitches in annoyance. “Lady Talia, I did not say that.”

“You don’t have to.” She slams her hands on the table, shaking it. You jump in surprise and grab hold onto the arms of the seat. The other women in the room hold their breath in frightened anticipation. 

“What was the point then? What was it?” She places her hands on her waist and circles you. “There were so many others – richer, prettier, friendlier. Some of them he grew up with. Why you if he doesn’t even want to bed you?”

You remain glued to your seat. Talia looks down at you with rage in her eyes, while you look back with confusion. You don’t know how to answer her question, because ultimately, you’re unsure of the answers yourself. If she had asked you a month prior when you first arrived in Gotham, you probably could have answered that you and Damian shared a sweet encounter from many years past, and that encounter led to your marriage. However, with Damian’s aloofness, you also are uncertain as to why you were chosen to be his bride.

Talia groans in frustration at your muteness. She stomps towards the door, but not before a servant rushes over to open it for her. You watch as she disappears into the hallway, presumably to confront Damian. 

You let out a shaky breath that you didn’t know you were holding. 

“Take me back to my quarters,” you order your ladies-in-waiting. “And send for Lady Rachel.”

You pace back and forth in your room, practically burning a hole into the floor. A loud knock disrupts your fervent strides, and in comes your rescuer, Rachel.

“Rachel,” you whimper as your nearly run into her open arms.

Her arms wrap around you tightly, like how a snake suffocates its victims, except her hug was full of love instead.

You’re shaken up by your encounter with Talia, but the culmination of the previous 24 hours bears down upon you. You sink to the floor, Rachel helplessly attempting to lift you back to your feet, but the energy is no longer within you.

“Everything is wrong.”

“What is?” Rachel finally sinks to the floor next to you, holding your head to her bosom, holding you like a mother would do to console her child. 

“Everything. This cursed family has brought me nothing but misery. I will be miserable until the end of my days, I fear.”

Rachel gently quiets you and strokes your hair. “No, that will not happen. I will not allow that to happen.”

“It will!” you exclaim. “Damian hates me!”

“He does not hate you.”

“Yes, he does!” Embarrassment sinks into your bones when Rachel asks you to explain.

“Last night was a disaster,” you murmur into her chest.

Rachel stops stroking your head momentarily. “Hmm? How so?” She starts once more playing with your hair.

“I am…still a virgin.”

She pulls your head backwards so that her eyes meet yours. “Do you mean…he has not bedded you yet?”

You cringe in embarrassment. Her shock has only solidified your insecurity – something must be wrong with you. That’s the only explanation! 

“No, no, darling,” Rachel clucks. “Do not hide your face from me. It is not your fault – hey – look at me. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.”

“Then, what is wrong?” You swiftly get to your feet and resume your pacing. “If not me, then what? It’s silly to think that there is another issue at play here.”

Rachel grabs hold of your shoulders and firmly shakes you. “Listen to yourself! You sound mad.” She looks around the room as if it isn’t empty and leans in close to whisper. “Understand that there may be other factors at play. The emotions of man can certainly affect his…libido. Take it from me, I should know.” 

She releases her grip, but remains planted in front of your face. “I have had…prior relations.”

You nod at her wide-eyed. This is the first you’ve heard of Rachel speaking about her romantic life. 

“Certain emotions can make it hard for a man to perform his husbandly duties. I do not think it wise to push the issue, as to not cause any embarrassment for him.”

You nod your head emphatically, whole-heartedly internalizing her speech. “But – what if he doesn’t bed me tonight either? Lady Talia is already speaking about heirs.”

“Again, do not push the issue. You would rather not face Damian’s wrath.”

A singular, harsh knock interrupts your discussion. In stomps in the subject of the conversation, the man of the hour, your lifeline and your ruin – Damian.

Rachel immediately curtsies out of respect and lowers her head. He opens his mouth to speak, but is seemingly stunned by the presence of another human in your room. He looks back and forth between you and Rachel.

“Husband,” you greet.

The sound of your voice brings Damian back from his trance. He nods his head towards the door and several servants, including your ladies-in-waiting, pile into the room.

“Wife,” he starts. He strides over to you and plants a kiss on your forehead. His lips leave a burning sensation on you, as his sudden display of affection jars you. “Pack your essentials. We leave soon for my father’s.”

“Damian,” you whisper. His face reveals his agitation: his lips are stretched into a scowl and his forehead wrinkles deeply. “Is everything alright?”

His palm reaches to your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. You want to believe he does it lovingly, but your heart can’t take that risk. 

“You should have called upon me,” he murmurs. “As soon as my mother disrespected you, you should have come to me.”

You look down in shame. So, he’s heard of your interaction with Talia earlier that day. “I did not think that was an option. I did not even know where you were.”

He lifts your head up with his index finger on your chin. He bends as best as he could to meet you at eye-level. “Of course, that is an option. You are my wife.”

You swallow hard. The way he’s looking at you, and comforting you – it’s too much. It’s too sudden. You shimmy your way out of his grasp and look to Rachel for support, only to find her back facing towards you and Damian.

“Lady Rachel has been consoling me.”

Damian stiffens and his jaw tightens. “Thank you, Lady Rachel,” he starts. He looks over his shoulder her, and she does so too ever so slightly. Neither face each other completely, however. “You may now take your leave.”

Rachel nods her head and without turning to say goodbye to you, she starts heading towards the door.

“Wait, no!” you call out. You circle around Damian to reach Rachel’s arm. “Lady Rachel is to be my lady-in-waiting. She must remain by my side.”

Damian’s eyes bulge out of his head. “Your lady-in-waiting?” he repeats brashly. 

You huff in irritation. You’re not sure why everyone seems to be so astonished that you want Rachel to be a part of your household staff. “Yes,” you reply. 

Damian clicks his tongue in disapproval. The amorous façade he performed just moments prior is now gone. It’s been replaced with the real Damian – the stoic one. 

“Fine.” He pushes back you to reach the exit before stopping by the door. He doesn’t even turn around. “Remember, just the essentials. 

[ftm-radio]

My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

[kmorales1]

Office Affairs

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: Explicit (Anyone under 18, go away, thanks.)

Warnings: Uh, unprotected sex(this is fiction please wrap it before you tap it), i'm bad at this. One(1) mention of spit(whoops).

A note: Hey, so I wrote this in an hour and (maybe) a half. This entire thing is purely based off my intense yearning for Javi the past few days(more like weeks). Also he's incredibly hard to write for so I hope I was able to capture his character. This is also my first time writing smut, let alone posting it. Be gentle with your critics lmao. It might not be entirely cohesive but I tried really hard but anyway this is what my brain popped out.

Javier Peña is the type of guy to take you home for a quick fuck, cuddle you like he’s in love with you, and then leave an hour later without barely a glance in your direction. You know this, you’d heard the whispers about him in the embassy when you were making your way to the filing room, or to the break room for your afternoon lunch.

And you believed them.

The first night Javier took you home you were 99% sure that you’d get the best fuck of your life out of him and then he’d be gone before you could even ask him to stay the night. And let’s be honest you wanted him to stay the night. To feel him pressed against you, his broad chest against your back, his breath fanning over the back of your neck. God, you yearned for that man. Or maybe just a man, it’d been a while.

You weren’t entirely wrong though, you did get the best fuck of your life out of him, but you also found the Javier that was sprawled in your bed, a lit cigarette between his lips, wasn’t the same man he was in the daylight of the office.

He was quieter, soft spoken, almost open.

The first few times he had stayed for a bit after to lay pressed beside you talking about work and you had even managed to pull a few details about his life back home. A few. But those few details only left you craving more, and who could blame you. He was intoxicating. You hadn’t been expecting it and now that you saw it, you wanted more.

“You know, you’re different like this.”

You had practically whispered the words to him, a little scared you might somehow push him back into the person he was in the light of day. But he only offered you something almost like a smile and leaned forward to press his lips to yours.

“I think, maybe i’m just different with you.”

He didn’t elaborate or say anything more, and you didn’t say anything in response. Cause what could you say? He’d pressed you open into the mattress a few minutes later his head between your thighs. Taking you apart slowly whispering filthy things as he brought you over the edge.

Your heart clenched as he laid his head on your thigh afterwards, his hair an unruly mess.

You wanted him like this all the time.

You weren’t naïve,though. So you didn’t think much of the way he laid beside you, or the things he said to you. He could feed any pretty woman words to make them feel special, and no matter how much you wanted to be different, something told you weren’t.

That became apparent when you started seeing less of Javier and hearing more about his informants and the other women he would bring home some nights. You weren’t mad, nor jealous, but you weren’t exactly fine either.

Coming home from a late night at work you had passed him and who you assumed was one of those said people that were whispered about. She was laughing at something, his arm locked tight around her waist guiding her down the hall. His face didn’t match hers but he certainly didn’t look unhappy, and when you crossed their path trying hurriedly to get into your apartment before seeing something you didn’t want to, he barely spared you a side glance.

Fine.

You stopped giving him the attention he silently would ask for in the daytime. His gaze burning hot on your body as you silently sipped your tea in the corner of the break room. Or the way he would brush your shoulder as he passed your desk. It’s almost laughable how he could seemingly seek your attention out one minute and then act like you didn’t exist the next. You didn’t play into it and things were fine.

Until they weren’t.

“You’re ignoring me, princesa.”

He’s got you cornered in the filing room his broad form practically towering over you. This is the closest you’ve been to him since you’d seen him that night, or the occasional time he would purposeful bump into you in the office.

“Hello Javi,” You barely managed to hold onto the papers in your hands. His close proximity to you slightly knocking you off center. You weren’t entirely lying when you said things were fine, but him being so close and the smell of him nearly overpowering was reminding you of the parts that were exactly not fine.

“I’m sorry i’ve been so busy.”

That’s a lie. You know it’s a lie, he knows it’s a lie. Things had been incredibly slow the past couple of weeks. Pablo in hiding from a recent raid that hit a little too close to home.

“I think we both know that’s a lie,”

And oh, is his voice a little breathier.

You curse yourself quietly, because you’re supposed to be putting this behind you. This man only sought you out when he felt like it when he was bored. But the way he’s pressed so close to you, if you just leaned forward a tiny bit. His eyes are skimming over your face, like he’s taking in the changes he’s missed in the past few weeks he hasn’t seen you.

There’s a tilt of his head and a small push forward and his lips are a near inch away from yours.

“Don’t you miss me, baby?”

Your knees nearly buckle.

He called you that exactly one time before. A rough raid with Carrillo had him stumbling into your apartment at nearly 1 am, luckily you had just gotten home from work and were still awake. His shirt was damp with sweat, the color of it slightly darker than the original pink, a stray mark of blood on his face- you later found out wasn’t his. He’d been needy, the way he had pressed you into the counter in your kitchen, fucked you within an inch of your life it felt like. Growling filthy things into your ear, praising you, before pulling you roughly to the floor(his back didn’t forgive him for days after that) and sliding you onto him. You’d rode him hard and fast nearly sobbing your release. He’d came up to cradle you to him. Whispering baby and your name reverently into your hair. You didn’t talk about it, what had made him so frantic. You had to practically peel yourself away from him and when you did it had broken the spell. He was up, fixing his jeans, kissing your forehead and then he was gone out the door before you could even get words out.

Javier whispering your name brings you back to the present, his eyes are locked on your lips and fuck-

Your fingers are dropping the papers and urgently sliding up his back to curl in his hair, pulling him the last bit of distance to bring his mouth to yours.

You’ll tell him later that you don’t forgive him for that debacle with the woman he brought home with him and you’ll also tell him the other things that have been pent up for the past almost month. And if he doesn’t like it oh well, but god right now all you want is to be fucked by this infuriating man.

“Javi-“

Your plea is broken as his tongue swipes the inside of your mouth his hands holding firmly to your hips.

“Javi please”

He shushes you, his leg coming to press between your thighs, right against where you want him the most and you nearly keen at the relief it gives. His thigh flexes and applies just the pressure to send your hips sliding forward.

“Quiet, princesa you don’t want anyone to hear,”

Oh fuck. You’re at work right now. You’re at work fuck. You’re at work. You remind yourself again.

One more time you’re at work-

But no one really comes back here. (that’s a lie)

His hands are guiding your hips roughly, and you’re practically riding his thigh. The feeling is too much and not enough all at once.

“Anything, Javi please.”

You’re breathless whimper has him growling under his breath as he pushes you deeper into the cabinets. His hands tear your skirt out of the way, pushing your panties aside before dipping his fingers into your center.

“Baby, fuck you’re so wet,”

His fingers leave you momentarily to slide into his mouth. The hum that leaves him is enough to push a wave of slick out of you, and you eagerly grip any part of him you can reach.

“Is this for me? You have missed me,”

The smug look on his face makes you want to roll your eyes, and you would if he wasn’t currently sliding his fingers back into you and curling them just like that-

“Fuck! Javi,”

The hand that is grasping your hips leaves to hurriedly slap a hand over your mouth. His eyes are burning into yours his teeth bared slightly.

“I said quiet, do you want our coworkers seeing how much a slut you are for me?”

He licks a line up the side of your neck before coming to suckle and bite lightly on your ear.

“Youd like it wouldn’t you?”

You’re practically dripping at his words, the squelching noise from his fingers fucking into you roughly is nearly obscene. You’re so close you could cry, if he could just give a little more.

“More,”

It’s a desperate plea for anything and it’s slightly muffled by his hand but he gets the message. His hand drops and you’re caught off guard by him roughly undoing his belt and pushing his pants down enough for his cock to spring free.

You nearly moan at the sight, long and thick with precum gathering at the tip. Fuck it’s been so long you want to taste. But he’s got you shoved back up against the nearest filing cabinet, his hand back over your mouth as he nudges his cock against your clit.

You keen at the slight pressure it gives before you jerk at the feeling of him sliding into you fully his hips flush to yours.

“Fuck, hermosa,” his teeth are clenched tight the cords of his neck strained as he whispers praises into your ear.

"Baby you’re so tight, missed you.”

You don’t even have time to process the last part before he’s almost urgently pulling out to slam back in. You want to worry about the noises that are being made but just as the thought comes in it’s gone. He’s fucking into you hard, his hand still covering your mouth tightly, trying hard to mask the moans that are escaping you. The slight jingle of his belt buckle as he roughly pounds into you shouldn’t be as erotic as it is. His head is pressed to your shoulder and you can feel the air from his mouth as he pants.

You’re so close you can practically feel yourself dripping down your thighs. One of your hands is curled tightly in his hair and the other snakes down your body to rub between your clit. Your breath is coming out harsh from your nose meeting the warm skin of his hand and god the thought of his hand over your mouth as he fucks you is so much you think you might come now.

But then his hand slips away and he’s sliding it in your hair to tilt your head back. Baring his teeth he gives one particularly hard thrust before demanding.

“Open.”

Immediately your mouth snaps open and he spits.

"Fucking swallow it."

You do, quickly before you lift eagerly to meet his mouth, teeth clinking harshly.

“Javi i’m gonna come-“

He’s pulling back, whispering urgently in your ear .

"Do it baby, do it now. Cum for me."

You’re pushing to meet his thrusts hurriedly chasing the orgasm you feel tightening in your stomach.

“I said now,” The harshness in his voice sends you reeling. You keen, a little too loudly to be in your office building, the thread snapping as you tumble over the edge. Your cunt clenching hard around him. Somewhere through the haze you feel Javier bite roughly into your shoulder and his cock jerk inside of you as he cums.

His hands are sliding around you to pull you into him his face meeting your neck as he pants, his cock softening inside of you. There’s a pleasant sounding hum from him as you card your fingers through his hair your nails scratching lazily at his scalp. The room is humid and sticky you suddenly come back to yourself, sinking down from your post orgasm high.

“Javier,”

The change in your voice has him pulling back to look at you before his eyes widen in understanding.

Yes, basking in the after sex glow isn’t the best idea at the moment.

“We can talk after work okay?”

There’s a nod from him before he’s sliding out of you with a hiss and tucking himself back into his jeans. And there’s a lot to talk about, he isn’t off the hook, and you’ve got to think it over because you know you have technically no right to even be upset.

You’re adjusting your skirt when you feel him cup your cheek.

“I really did miss you.”

Its said quietly, almost like it’s a secret.

And momentarily, you forget everything you need to be confused about with him.

"I missed you too."

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s April 2021 Fic List

Previous Fic Lists / Fic List Podcast Masterpost

April has been a bit of a roller coaster, hasn’t it? But here we are, already almost May! I was able to read so many incredible fics this month. Like... truly, so many STELLAR fics. I’m finally back to reading more of last year’s Big Bang fics, plus a couple that I betaed have already posted, and then I threw in some other shorter ones for fun as well, and I cannot wait to share them with you and tell you what I loved about each one.

In fact, if you’d really like to hear me rhapsodize about these fics, you can listen to my podcast here.

As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation for all of the hard work our fandom authors have put into their fics with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts!

Falling in the Wrong Direction by @fallinglikethis / FallingLikeThis (25k, E, Harry/Louis, past Liam/Harry, Big Bang fic, based on Catch and Release, grieving Harry, Liam has recently died when the fic starts, Louis was Liam’s best friend, enemies to friends to lovers, roommates Niall and Zayn, secrets, for real the grief is real in this one, soooo many emotions and all of them perfectly navigated, i loved it all so very much)

sustenance by Anonymous (12k, E, Harry/Louis, Girl Direction, Induced Lactation, Breastfeeding, Lactation Kink, Footballer Louis, Public Breastfeeding, I mean it kinda is public cause they’re surrounded by others due to the nature of the experiment, It’s a whole science thing, it’s... listen it’s all for smut’s sake and it’s fucking hot so, if lactation kink is your thing you gotta do it lol)

Let Me Kiss You by Anonymous (4k, G, Harry/Louis, Zayn/Louis, Liam/Louis, Niall/Louis, Canon Compliant, Louis kisses everyone, I think he and Harry are actually dating and he isn’t dating the rest, anyway, Recreational Drug Use aka weed lol, It’s back when the band was together but kinda seems to float across some years?, Fuck, listen, this fic was just so incredibly pure and good, I loved it so much, I loved how each kiss had a different reason, and the way it is all framed???, IT’S WONDERFUL I LOVED IT PLEASE READ IT)

Hooked With Just One Taste by @dinosaursmate / dinosaursmate (49k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Cam Boy Louis, Rich Harry, Former-Celebrity Harry, he’s still kinda famous but not actively if that makes sense lmao, side Ziall, I LOVE THE ZIALL OKAY OMG, Also listen, this fic is sooooo smutty and hot and great, but it also is so pure and good?, Like the way Harry and Louis interact and grow to be so into each other for more than just sexy times?, SO GOOD, anyway read itttttt, the art is PERFECT for it too!, props to @wilywolf for that hehe)

your crimes are quiet, my love by @lightwoodsmagic / lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes) (98k, E, Zayn/Liam, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Miss Congeniality AU, but make it darker and more realistic, lolllll It’s still sooooo much fun though omggggg, MI5 Agents Liam and Zayn, Ziam are partners for work, pining, SO much pining, friends to lovers, oblivious boys seriously, Louis is the pageant trainer/consultant, Harry is Liam’s roommate for the pageant and a contestant, I cannot express to you how incredible this fic was and how much it sucks you in, the storyline was such an original and incredible and creepy yet really lovely take on the original story, i fucking loved it, oh there’s side Shiall too and I loved them even if they weren’t in it nearly so much as the rest!)

Favourite Boy by @quelsentiment / wordsnnotes (9k, T, Zayn/Louis, pining, lack of communication, Friends with Benefits to Lovers, Except they’re more just... the benefits?, I guess it’s more like... Regular Booty Calls to Lovers, lmaoooo, for real though this fic omggggg, it sucked me right into Zayn’s head and the whole issue of it all, and they just won’t talk!!!, SO CRAZY GOOD OMG)

But I’m the Quarterback by @evilovesyou / 4ureyesonly28 (52k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, But I’m the Cheerleader AU, quarterback Harry, Conversion Therapy Camp, Sexuality Crisis, Gay Awakening, Crisis of Faith, Self Harm, Listen, this fic is heavy at times, but for the most part it really is so lovely and gentle, The way Harry comes to learn about himself and accept himself, all with the wonderful people around him going through the same thing, AND LARRY AND LLOYD OMGGGG I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHH, anyway, i love this fic please give it a chance if you can handle the tags!, and MASSIVE shout out to the artist @whatagreatproblemtohave for the amazing art!)

Felt Nothing Like Home by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen (62k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Bon Appetit Test Kitchen AU, Specifically a Brad/Claire AU for those who are familiar hehe, Pastry Chef Harry, Professional Chef Louis, YouTube AU, Pining, All the fucking pining, Friends to Lovers, Secret Relationship, This fic is so warm and lovely and soft, And funny omg so funny, but also so sweet, it was absolutely stellar, I love)

The Journal by @wait4ever / RecycledStardust and @evilovesyou / 4ureyesonly28 (14k, G, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, Magic, Spells, Mystery, Twin Flames, Soulmates, Reincarnation in a way, Rituals, 1990s AU, but also a Historical fic in certain scenes, and NO the 90s aren’t historical yet FIGHT ME, anyway sorry lol, This fic is so special and I keep getting choked up just thinking about it, It is absolutely lovely and the found friends/family aspect is also so so lovely, and I just, Oh gosh it is a must read please read this fic I’m begging you)

Things Unsaid by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (4k, G, Harry/Louis, Soulmate Fest fic, which of course means Soulmates!, Soulmarks, Meet Cute, Or well kinda a meet ugly whoops, lol, Lilo Friendship, Humor, Listen this fic is borderline crack in the best way and I laughed so many times reading it, It was lighthearted and wonderful)

To the late night double feature show by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (2k, NR, Harry/Louis, Halloween fic, Cryptid Harry, kinda? I think he’s considered a cryptid?, lmao ANYWAY, meet cute, Clifford, Crack, This fic was once again adorable and silly and yet soft and warm and once again, I love it, Let’s all just sit and admire the way Emmu’s brain works shall we?)

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

"should i ask for song requests?" MA'AM- anyways Show Me Love by Mali Hood with Cal pls

LMAO, look, it’s just a thought. Also I love Mali, but Robin S’s version--a BOP. So I’m going to base it off that version. 

It’s long, whoops. 

CW: Mentions of gaining weight. So if you’re sensitive, feel free to skip this! 

___________

It wasn’t in Calum’s plan to be out this late. He had planned to finish up the first season of Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix. He had planned to order himself a pizza, extra large so that he could have a few slices for lunch tomorrow too and possibly a White Claw, or two, or more. Who knows? He surely wasn’t going to count those calories. 

However, when Calum and Ashton found themselves deep into the evening running over lyrics along with some other friends and somebody mentioning hitting up a bar nearby to get some food, Calum figured he could tag along. He’d avoid drinking until he got home but greasy bar food could be an easy substitute for pizza. 

It’s as Calum dips the end of fries into the ranch given on the side a tap sounds of the speakers, cutting through the music that’s been playing in the background. “Hope everyone’s doing great tonight,” a voice states. 

Calum looks over his shoulder to see a man up on a stage. “Karaoke’s opening up in fifteen minutes. Find me at the bar to sign up or feel free just to jump in.”

“Oh, we gotta stay for this,” Ashton laughs. The rest of the group readily agrees and Calum shrugs, polishing off the last half the fries before going in for another bite of his sandwich. 

It’s not until the music cuts out again that Calum realizes the fifteen minutes as flown by. The first two people are a little wobbly, and giggling into the mic as they sing their choice in song. One goes for Journey which gets most of the room to sing along too. It hits a lull after about the fourth person. The DJ calls for people who didn’t sign up to just jump in. 

There’s a thick silence and across the room, Calum catches a shriek. “We have one!”

He turns to the shrill and sees a pocket of girls at a booth. Three of them are tugging at a fourth that remains seated, shaking her head. However, her unwillingness is no match to her friends and they end up dragging her to the stage. Calum watches as she speaks for a moment to the DJ. 

Her friends cheer front and center. Their claps somehow echo throughout the entire building. Under the light, Calum can see more of her features, high cheekbones, brown skin dazzling and peaking out from the fishnets covering her long legs. She chuckles nervously into the mic just as the music cuts in. The low sound, the husky voice makes Calum gasps. 

He hadn’t seen her ages since they ended their fling. And she looked different--her cheeks were fuller. The weight gain made her look healthier than ever. She looked fucking good in the green plaid mini shirt and white high neck sleeves top. Her thighs shake just a little as she taps the beat out with her heel and soon, she belts out the opening note to Show Me Love vocalizing before the lyrics are pushed out from her chest. 

What hadn’t changed as how at ease she seemed to be on the stage. Though she always protested it. The second someone put a mic in her hand and a spotlight on her, she turned into a whole new person. “I really need a lover, a lover that wants to be there,” she belts out and smiles before stepping down the stairs. 

Through the crowd, she dances, singing along to the electronic beat holding steady. “You got to show me love,” her voice dips to match the note change and she points out to someone in the crowd, singing to them for a moment before twirling her way down the room. The crowd eats up, cheering along as she sings and taking moments to dance along with her. 

“Words are so easy to say a lie, you got to show me love. I’m tired of getting caught up in the one night affairs,” she sings and gaze lands on Calum. Her eyes go wide. They hadn’t really run in the same circles for a while after Calum ended things. 

And admittedly, he ended them for legitimate reasons. She was leaving for school abroad and said they could try to just be friends. But that wasn’t something he was looking for and rather than string her along knowing he’d ultimately be breaking her heart, he was honest. And she understood that. She thanked him for it. 

It was harder than he thought it would be--watching her leave. He wanted to text her, reach out and see how things were going, if she had settled in nicely. And the urges lasted longer than Calum had never admitted to anyone, but they did eventually dissipate; it took him unfollowing her social media. 

And come to think of it, he still noticed when she liked something of his--as few and far between as his postings were and he wasn’t even that active on his private account but whenever he was, she always wound up liking it. Every notification made his heart flutter just a little. 

She moves on, still not missing a beat to the song, though she does brush a hand over Calum’s shoulder as she passes, sending a wink his way before she carries herself to the bar. Her heeled boots wind up clicking up and down the length of the bar counter. She dances with a few more people, women and men, smiling as she twirls about. 

Returning back to the stage, the last note falling off from the speaker, she thanks the crowd and DJ and quickly steps back down the steps. The crowd gives her a standing ovation and she waves before returning back to her booth. Calum’s thankful he’s on the end and excuses himself for a second. No one seems bothered by his exit--Ashton’s the only one that could possibly recognize her and it’s not shock he doesn’t.

Calum walks over to the table and even though she’s smushed into the corner, on the side of the group, he knows he can’t leave this bar tonight with talking to her. He smiles as he approaches the table. “Evening, ladies.” Everyone is at lost for words but at least smile and nod at his approach. “I-I just wanted to say that that was a great performance. You’re extremely talented.”

“Thanks,” she returns, leaning out. “Would you believe it if I said I don’t do that sort of thing often.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he laughs softy. He goes to ask her to talk, or if she needs a refill but the air’s tense, a little awkward. “But honestly, you were amazing.” He nods again at her and throws up a quick wave before continuing on like he’s headed to the bathrooms. That is not how he wanted that to go. But how does he act like the last they haven’t lost contact for nearly four years. Calum splashes some water onto his face, staring up into the mirror. 

She remembered him, clearly. Maybe it was that defense mechanism, the part of him that was trying to tell him that it was too much time passed. She possibly had moved on from all of that. Yeah, she probably had moved on, Calum thinks to himself. If she had, there would be no use in trying to make a move, he’d get rejected anyway. 

He grabs some paper towel and dries his face and hands before pushing open the door to the bathroom. He doesn’t get more than a four steps from the door before a voice calls out his name, “Calum. Hey, wait.” A hand grabs to his elbow. 

He spins to find her, smiling a bit lopsided and lips still glossy as they always were all those years ago, with also a bit of a darker lip liner around the edges. “Sorry,” she rushes out, dropping her hand from his elbow. “I just-I just wanted to say thanks. For the compliment. And, uh, if you weren’t busy, if you wanted to catch up sometime. Over a drink, coffee, lunch, whatever.”

“I would love that,” he exhales in a rush. 

“Cool. Here’s my number--I had to change it become of my ex, but that’s not what I want to focus on.” She hands out a napkin with numbers scribbled onto it. “Just text me and we can arrange a date and time.”

Calum takes it with a nod, reaching for his phone from inside his pants pocket. “I’ll text you so you have my number too.” He taps her number in before typing a quick message and pressing send. 

“To be honest, I didn’t think you’d recognize me or like want to talk or anything.”

“What-what do you mean by that?”

“I mean, there might just be a pound or two more on me than the last time you saw me. And when I left, we kind of just ended things and I-I don’t know. We hadn’t spoken in a while. I just moved back into town about six months ago. Seeing you just made me feel like I did when I was 19.”

Calum can’t lie and say he never suspected that she had feelings for him. At that time, he wasn’t looking for anything. “Well, first, you still look fucking gorgeous so I wouldn’t worry at all about that. Things are different now. I’m looking for different things now.” She nods, casting a look to the floor. “It’s like the song said,” Calum continues, “I’m tired of giving my love and getting no where.”

“You probably think I’m crazy or something, all these years. But there’s always been something about you, Calum. Something I couldn’t shake.”

“Nah, it can’t be me. Do you know how many times when you first left I almost messaged you? And I know I kinda put a cork in things then. But if you think there’s something about me, allow me to introduce you to yourself.”

She laughs, playfully slapping at his bicep. “Oh god. Quit while you’re behind.”

Calum laughs in return, watching the way she shakes her head. “What are you doing tomorrow, around 1?”

“Um, nothing. Tomorrow’s my day off. Why?”

“Let’s get lunch. Anywhere you want to go.”

“There’s a new sushi place. Just up the block from here.” She rattles off the name and Calum nods. He went there last week to try it out. “There if you’re okay with it?”

“More than okay,” Calum agrees. “But uh, I don’t want to take you away from your friends too long. So I’ll see you there tomorrow, at 1.”

“Okay, yeah, yeah. Tomorrow at one.” She steps into him, almost as she’s going to bypass him but stops just before doing so fully. Her hand comes up to his cheek and she presses a kiss before finally stepping away. Calum exhales, lungs nearly collapsing in his chest. He forgot that about her--how she was open and actionable, always willing to make the first step even if blew up in her face. 

He watches her, finally composed enough to turn around as she slips back into the booth with her friends. He hears her laughter above the sounds of Led Zeppelin, another person singing for the crowd. 

[zenmai--jikake--no--komoriuta]

reposting from my deviantART-- a secret, sneaky (very late) return-gift for @hereitcomes-thebigparade! ☆ I started working on this a few days after I received their own fanart of my baby Lindmon last month... but I started studying a Cert III in Hospitality full-time recently, and it's been so exhausting that I've barely had any time at all when I got home to chip away at it I uh, should have expected that from something "full time", but oh well lmao-- it's a whole different beast to when I studied my media degree at uni years ago, even though that was full time as well! that was verrrrrry cruisy in comparison a-ahaha /dies slowly

They’ve been a watcher of mine over on dA for nearly a whole decade now, so I wanted to whip something up as a huge thank-you for their kind words and support all this time! I'm still mired in the same artblock I've had for 7(?) years, so at first I was like "ok just a quick sketch"... that then turned into "what would it look like with some flat colours", "aight small detail shading only", "whoops"... it's such a cool design and I love the way its palette just works, so I got a bit carried away in the end-- I hope I did him justice! :'D

[quercus-queer]

A Slice of a Normal Life au

Grace and Simon Edition... this ones long lmao:

They met at a train station as little kids and didn’t see each other again until high school

High school was rough for both of them and was really shitty in general so i’ll just leave that up to you but i’m starting with college

Grace ends up going to Juilliard and Simon feels betrayed because they were supposed to stick together no matter what 

Plus Grace lied about it and put off confronting the issue until right before she left but Simon already felt something was up and his abandonment issues and other problems pop off so he distanced himself from her and started being a dick (sorry they’re still codependent and problematic at this point) until Grace goes off on him

She leaves and Simon has a breakdown and ends up in a psych ward but he does finally get some actual help and diagnosis (the high school counselor was trash), he never reaches back out to Grace and skips town afterwards which really impacts Grace and she’s just like... bro... do i need therapy too? 

And then she actually seeks out a therapist with the intent to get better and does! She has pretty great time in college and makes actual friends in her dance program and ends up getting a girlfriend at some point... it was a long and pretty healthy relationship but ended on kinda bad terms, but she navigated her first relationship! Yay!

Simon is a dumbass and got with this girl he met while he was institutionalized... it didn’t go well but it was a relationship... it was like a few months long... but yeah... she also tells him to get a grip lol

I also changed my mind Simon doesn’t live with Samantha in high school, he tracks her down after his breakdown since he’s a legal adult and can do whatever he wants and lives with her and Frank afterwards

Simon starts working in a bookstore The Apex (its called that because they live on a mountain and its in the downtown of the city thats at the peak of the mountain) and actually really likes it and Samantha and Frank are good parental figures and he goes to actual therapy

There’s a little reading club for kids at the bookstore which is comprised of the Apex kids that he is in charge of now because the owner has her hands full (her, Simon, and a high school girl are like the only workers there)

Simon also gets a boyfriend he actually manages to keep and its a pretty good relationship and ends on relatively good terms since Simon’s actually getting therapy and has a good life set-up now so yay! He managed an actual relationship!

Samantha and Frank live in a cabin on this mountainous city btw which has a popular resort that Samantha manages and Frank is a chef there... it’s a very popular resort... a very common place for a retreat...

Grace and her dance crew in college take a trip there and she sees Simon and nearly dies, no seriously she was walking and then slipped and hit her head

She ends up in the hospital and her friends (she has actual good friends now) are like Grace what the fuck just happened you’re not that clumsy?

But you know who is? Simon, who is at the same hospital because Lucy from the kids club who is also a clumsy disaster got a fucking pencil in her eye and he had to drive her to the hospital

He sees Grace and doesn’t know whether to laugh cry or say hi so he just stares at her blankly like the dumbass he is and then leaves

Anyway, this kicks off a 200k mall-rats slowburn that goes harder than Tulips and Mikayla’s 

Grace doesn’t see him again until the next night when he’s in the lobby and he actually goes up to her and they talk because he had time to process it, they awkwardly talk... mostly sit though, and then Grace’s friends call her over and Simon quickly offers for her to come over another day

Grace doesn’t know what to do and her friends ask her whats up and convince her to go, not alone obviously Jennifer is gonna go with her to make sure she doesn’t get murdered 

Its awkward again, there’s small talk between Samantha, Frank, Jennifer and the two idiots and they play card games until Frank decides to finish up dinner and Jen ditches Grace because Frank is the coolest mf on the planet so Grace and Simon are alone again

They just sit there until Simon asks about her dance program and college and then they talk about that until Grace mentions her therapist and Simon’s like??? and Grace is like whoops and then they eat dinner and Grace and Jen leave

Simon goes by the resort more often but they don’t rlly talk until Grace is about to leave and Simon just apologizes for everything and Grace says she’s sorry too and Simon just doesn’t know how to respond to that so he’s like if you ever want to come back here I’ll be here

Grace does not know how to respond to that so she’s just like uhhh okay bye

The dance team comes back the following year and she sees Simon again and he’s like “sorry for fucking you up” and Grace is like “don’t give yourself so much credit I already needed therapy unless you forgot about the fact I had counseling right after you?” “I try to block out everything from before 19 tbh” “fair enough... I suppose there wasn’t much to want to remember huh” “I’m... I remember telling you, you were the best person I ever met and I meant that” Grace doesn’t know how to respond to that and then they don’t talk for the rest of the trip, they just wave at each other and smile in passing

The dance troupe grace joins after college goes on annual trips to the resort so Grace and Simon continue to have three conversations each year plus Jennifer makes sure a visit to Samantha’s and Frank’s happens

the yearning... the pining... WHEW its a lot and Samantha, Frank, and Grace’s entire dance troupe, plus the family that always vacations at the same time are SICK of it

They don’t even become close friends again until their late twenties. 

The kids club thinks Grace is amazing and Kai bases their whole look off of her

Mall-rats officially happens in their thirties and they get married in their forties

when I say slowburn i meant it

Idk where to put this: 

Samantha lost custody of Simon as a kid because of a hoarding problem she still struggles with but Simon is an adult now and him and Frank help keep her in check

Simon was with Samantha from a couple weeks after entering foster care and most of middle school

Samantha and Frank are actually just roommates 

Grace is like “so Samantha and Frank...?” “They’re roommates” “Simon... is that what they told you?” “well yeah, but they’re seriously just roommates” “ummmm...” “Grace they’re both gay” “OH”

Simon works at the bookstore his whole life and he loves it, Grace is a professional dancer, they’re both happy

They look the same as in canon except Simon can shave and Grace gets be the fashion icon she deserves 

Simon still cant dress so most of the time he just wears different sweaters he’s been given and alternates between his three pairs of jeans

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #429

“i’m just a bad luck charm to blame when things go wrong”

Are all-nighters something you have grown used to? God no. I have those SO rarely. I don't know how I used to do it. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I don't have sunglasses, and my driving permit has long since expired. Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? COLD, no. A tad chilly, very rarely. I have to be burning the hell up. What clothes are you most comfortable in? Men's pj pants and tank tops. Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No, not anything. Have you ever unbuttoned someone else's pants? Yes. Are you good at painting nails? Nooooo. My hands are way too shaky. If it’s late at night and you’re hungry, what do you reach for? Usually a granola bar or piece of bread, lol. What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? I don't know. I don't really use any words I find wrong/offensive. Will you eat something if it falls on the ground? NOOOOOOOO SIR. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. I'm not a vegetable fan. Do you see the value in education? Of course I do. Are you more physically flexible or situationally flexible? bitch neither lmao Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? I don't have one now, but my mom knows of some things from the past. Do you make an effort to eat healthy? Yeah. I could try harder, but I do try. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. I wasn't an official resident, but I was essentially always there and just counted as a guest, I guess. Would you ever be a stripper? No way in hell. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? No. Do you think that you’ve ever actually been IN love with someone? I don't just "think" it, I know very goddamn well that I was. Have you ever done a psychedelic drug? If not, would you ever consider it? No and no. Did you ever see the movie Good Burger when it came out? Not when it came out, but I've seen it and love it. How often do you clear your browser history? Never. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah man, gourmet shit. Do you consider yourself a burden to anyone? Why do you feel this way? I absolutely do. I'm just a leech at home. A financial burden to my parents since I'm unemployed. I have a lot wrong with me that my mom has to deal with. Who was the last person to carry you? Why were they carrying you? Probably Jason, realistically. I'm probably too heavy for anyone in my life to carry me now, and there hasn't ever really been a reason to besides him just being cute many years ago. Are you a clingy kind of person? If so, how has this affected your past relationships? I know I am. I'm lucky that I don't think it really affected any. I'm not OBSESSIVELY clingy at least, just moderately so. Have you ever witnessed someone drowning? Did you help in any way? Jesus, no. Have you ever felt like you just weren’t enough for someone? Who in your life has made you feel that way? I absolutely have. No one like... intentionally made me feel like that, I just felt it due to my own self-doubt. The times I've felt that that I remember have been in my only two serious relationships, but not endlessly. I'd just do something stupid and feel like it for a while. Have you ever been at a party where the cops came due to complaints?No. What were you doing the last time you spent a night away from home (or wherever you regularly reside)? I was having a sleep study to determine whether or not I had sleep apnea. Where do you like to sit when you’re on the computer? In my bed. Do you feel as though you’re good at understanding/communicating with animals? Absolutely. Are photographs important to you? Do you like to take a lot of pictures? Not incredibly important, because nothing is quite like actually experiencing that moment, but I definitely like to have some of major events. I honestly don't take a lot of pictures documenting my own life, but rather like nature and stuff. And when people pay me to take family/couple/child photos for them. Would you rather hike through the desert, the prairies, the forest, or the tundra? The forest, for sure. So long as I had my camera. If you could reconnect with someone from your past, who would it be and why? Guess. -_- What was the last game you played? Was anyone else playing with you? Do you prefer to play games alone or with others? World of Warcraft. And well, it's an MMO, so you're playing with what, thousands of other people? I mostly do solo content though, but I do usually chat with guildies when I'm on because I'm close and comfortable with them. What is the longest distance you’ve walked in a day? Idk, but definitely far. Do you prefer homemade food or restaurant food? Restaurant, sadly. What was the last new food you tried? Ummm... I want to say sweet potatoes, back at Thanksgiving. I didn't hate them, but they were okay. What is your most recent regret? I dunno, probably something really minor like eating/drinking something unhealthy. What was the last unexpected thing to happen to you? How did you react? I guess that would be the sleep apnea diagnosis. At least, that was the last big one. I can't think of anything in-between. I was very shocked, even doubtful that the results were reliable. But given how my APAP mask has almost completely solved my nightmare issue, I think it's safe to say it's correct. Name your three closest friends. Sara, Girt, and uhhh... Sam. Do you get excited or annoyed when the phone rings? Annoyed, honestly, lol. Do you prefer writing poems or stories? I prefer writing RP, which is pretty much just gradually writing stories. What pisses you off more than anything? Probably rapists, specifically when children are the victims. It's just... so, so repulsive and unforgivable to me. Like I don't understand how a human being could possibly be so diabolical as to scar someone like that. What’s the appropriate age to have sex? I think you should be adults, honestly, given the risk of pregnancy. Not that I followed that, so I can't really talk, and I know most people don't either. When you're really in love with someone and have a sexual side, it's kinda... hard to avoid 'til you're 21. Is there anybody you’re really jealous of? It's so stupid, I'll probably always be so jealous of the girl Jason dated after me. Even though I know they're not even together anymore (well, last I heard a few years ago). Is pornography evil or are you neutral about it? Meh. I'm not into it, but I don't think it's necessarily evil. I personally don't get sex without emotional commitment, but you do you, so long as you are both consenting adults being safe about it. Do you prefer to be monogamous, or are you more a casual dater or swinger? I'm strictly monogamous. I'd be way too jealous to share a partner with someone, and then there's the heightened risk of STDs, too. Have you ever had a crush on more than one person at once? Do you now? Yes, but I don't now. Who is your favorite relative? Excluding my immediate family, Uncle Rob. He is so damn funny. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I know I would, realistically. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? No. What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? It SUCKED while actually doing it, but I'm very satisfied having done around 20 minutes of cardio today at the gym. Cardio is something I 110% need in my life. Have you had any beer this week? I've never had beer. I hate the smell of it, and it's associated with memories of my dad as an alcoholic anyway. Could you cry right now? Nah, I'm in a good mood. If you could see one person right now, who would it be? I'd honestly love to hang with Sara again. Do you wear contacts? No, but I wish I did versus glasses, contacts are just WAY too tedious. What color shirt are you wearing? It's a dark teal. Song playing right now? Ha, I am STILL obsessed with Powerwolf's (but with Alissa White-Gluz's vocals) "Demons Are a Girl's Best Friend." Do you wear the seat belt in the car? Absolutely always. Please, please, wear your seat belt. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yes. There was a kid at dance who, from behind, thought I was his mother and he just ran up and hugged me from behind and I nearly had a heart attack. Do you like the color orange? Yeah; it reminds me of Halloween. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else? Not really entirely someone else, but a much better version of myself. What is the weather like today? It's hot as shit and pretty hazy. Do you want any piercings? UGH like you have no idea. Have you given anything up for Lent? No. You do what you want, but I honestly think it's a dumb concept. Would you rather go to a rock concert or a rap concert? Rock, for certain. Have you ever dated someone that was a different race than you? Yeah; Juan was Hispanic. How old is your best friend? She's 23. What does your favorite necklace look like? It's a spiked choker with some dangling chains. It's fuckin' hot. Are you keeping a secret from anyone? I don't like the wording here. I don't have anything I'm hiding from someone in particular, and nothing they need to know at all. I just have a few inconsequential secrets I just don't share with anyone. Would you take a million dollars if it meant you had to die a month later? Uh, no thank you. Do you keep any type of diary or journal? You could say surveys are like snippets of a diary of sorts for me. I share a lot and use them to vent and just jabber on about my thoughts and feelings without exactly burdening anyone with them. What was the last thing that made you really happy? I'VE LOST A POUND SO FAR AT THE GYM!!!! :') It's been just one week, I know, big whoop, but it means A LOT to me. Prior to this, the numbers had just been gradually creeping up and up... but not anymore! :D Can you remember what you dreamed about last night? Very vaguely? Or maybe that was the night before's dream... Have you ever gotten kicked out of a class for being disruptive? Definitely not. I was a well-behaved, quiet student. Have you ever injected a drug? Noooo. Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot? I've never smoked. Last time you killed a bug? A while back when an ant walked over my laptop. Are you wearing perfume? What kind? No. The last male you spoke to… is he attractive? That would be my personal trainer, and yeah, he's very handsome.

[xelles-archive]

3, 5, 7, 12, 15 for the s/i asks ^^ pick whoever you want

hi ari! ty for stopping by ^w^ i promise i'll work on the asks y'all sent supposedly meant for f/ovember rhfhfifj

i'm gonna use kryxelle baden because they're the most i have worked on, hehe. i'm also gonna put this under a read more bc i got carried away whoops.

3. Does your s/i have a full backstory yet? Or is it still in the works? If it's done can we see it?

yup, it's technically completed now! though i don't really have a story or an outline lol. but it basically goes like this-

they were abandoned by their biological parents (they left them somewhere near shore)

they were discovered and soon adopted by a married couple (who happened to be both bakers)

they have an extremely supportive adoptive sister named samantha (i haven't drawn her yet but i have a tag for her!)

they grew up to be a baker (wow how susprising)

they were around their late 20s when they met jose

they met jose late at night near the bar he was drinking in

"how about you stay at my place for the night?"

"no."

the bastard was drunk, don't be surprised.

since they weren't interested in the man, they instead tried to hook up their sister with him.

... that did not work out so well.

they rampaged to jose's office and slapped him LMAO.

a few days later, they found out they were adopted by accidentally eavesdropping on their parents' heated conversation.

"they're the reason why our REAL daughter got upset!" (dad)

"but that doesn't mean they're not a part of our family!" (mom)

wowowow dramatic scene, they ran away crying and stayed on the beach for a while.

oh, what, tall lanky man to save the day?

they were cold towards him at first, but eventually warmed up as they started to hang out more.

the beach was like, a place they can run to.

don't worry, their parents alongside their sister apologized to them.

several months has passed and they eventually gathered up the courage to confess to jose.

*insert kissing scene*

over the next day, they were struck with the news that jose had a fiancée (the queen's daughter).

now this is where the song 'love story' starts to apply. :]

"since when?"

"just yesterday!"

jose tried to explain to them that it was a forced marriage arranged by his father but they wouldn't budge.

~dramatic running away commences~

jose hasn't seen them for a long time, and the day of the wedding came.

he was fidgeting as the marriage officiant was saying his thing.

he caught a glance of kryxelle at the very back, a disappointed look plastered over their face.

they walked away without saying anything, and jose had the biggest urge to run after them.

and he did.

his father was angry lol.

he was able to catch up with them.

"marry me, kryxelle."

"what?"

"it's you whom i love."

yay, they shared another kiss in front of other villagers! :D

jose's father was stomping his way towards them, they were expecting him to be angry but he cried instead.

he felt guilty for trying to lure them away from jose.

they finally got married near the shore.

a few years has passed, and jose's father suddenly disappeared without a trace.

it was a drastic time for both jose and kryxelle.

there were bad rumors spreading around, itching at jose's head. he started drinking more than usual.

fortunately kryxelle was there to help him.

soon, jose had to leave to look for his father.

though, before he left, he and kryxelle did some *cough* funky business. 😳

that's where he ended up in the manor for nearly ten years.

he came back to their house with louis being the very first to open the door to him.

he didn't know about louis being his son yet, and so he got tricked that kryxelle and their family immigrated (that boy lmao).

his worry was washed away as soon as he saw kryxelle coming out of the kitchen.

*insert another kissing scene*

turns out jose brought some comrades along (naib, kevin (fuck you kevin), william, and murro).

both jose and louis were shocked when kryxelle explained their relation.

and now they're all together again. happy family. :)

5. Do you speak about your s/i in first or third person?

both! but i mostly speak in first person because i feel more "connected" so to say.

7. Give us 3 random facts abt your s/i!

they have motion sickness (this explains why they don't go on jose's ship a lot)

they get flustered very easily, especially in public (which is why you shouldn't leave them with a drunk jose)

if they were able to arrive in the manor like jose did, they would've been most likely to be called the "Baker" (though i don't really know what their ability would be).

12. Can we see a picture of your s/i?

yah! i drew this in 15 mins lol, don't actually use it as reference-

15. Does your s/i interact with any other self shippers s/i's?

unfortunately no. D: i'm too much of a coward to ask fellow idv shippers, but god i wish. ;w;

s/i ask meme

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Sinday: The Bet

can you write something where an innocent reader loses a bet with steve and basically has to be his little maid/sex doll for a month, and he's super into free use so literally just fucking her while she's cleaning or just chilling reading/watching tv lmao as requested by anonymous

Warnings: dark!fic, noncon

It had all come down to this. A single ball. If you sank it, you won it all, but if you didn't, you'd never hear the end of it.

It started friendly. A game of doubles. You and Sam against Steve and Bucky. Two games all and some smack talk that went a little too far and your partners had called it quits. You and Steve opted for a fifth game. A tie breaker.

You lifted your cue but barely chose your shot before Steve's voice interrupted you. You huffed and lowered the pool stick.

"Wait, wait," Steve leaned on the opposite side of the table. "I was thinking…let's make this a little more interesting."

"What? Me rubbing your face in it isn't enough. I gotta take your money too?" You teased.

"Money? Nah." He smirked. "I was thinking something else."

"Like?"

"Name your price."

"Hmm," You stood straight and leaned on the cue. "Well…how about, you lose, you take my Brazil posting. There's a concert that weekend I was hoping to see."

"Brazil?" He repeated. "Fuck."

"I mean, you could win. You do, I'll take whatever mission you don't want." 

"Actually, I had something else in mind." He said.

"Oh?" You tilted your head.

"You scratch and you're mine for a day." He stated. 

"Yours?"

"I've been away a lot lately. My apartment could use a good scrubbing." He said. 

You thought for a moment and looked at the table. It was an easy shot. You really didn't want to go to Brazil. You bit your lip and weighed the risk.

"Alright, deal," You declared. 

"Deal," He rounded the table and held out his hand. You shook it and turned your attention back to the table.

You bent and lined up your shot. You exhaled and cleared your mind. Just there and the spin would carry it into the corner. You called your shot and pulled back.

The ball hit the exact angle you wanted and you stood straight to watch it roll towards the pocket. It hit the felt just beside and bobbled at the edge of the hole. It stopped. You blinked. It was impossible.

"Ha," Steve whooped. "Yes!"

"Fuck." You weren't looking forward to scrubbing Steve's toilet.

"That's a whole twenty-four hours," He gloated. 

"Yeah, yeah," You crossed your arms. "Too bad for you I'm a shitty maid."

-

You had been to Steve’s apartment several times before, but never alone. It was a peculiar realization as you waited for him to answer his door. Every other time you had been there, it had been neat. He didn’t seem the type to let a mess gather.

When he opened your door you ignored his greeting as you tried to peer past him. It didn’t look a mess. You grumbled your hello and he welcomed you in. You crossed your arms as you glanced around.

“Steve,” You sighed, “What am I supposed to be cleaning exactly?”

“There’s some dishes, and it could always use a good dusting,” He explained. “But you can’t start without your uniform.”

You squinted at him. “Uniform?”

“Every maid needs one,” He turned and crossed to the coffee table where a flat white box sat. He grabbed it and offered it to you. “There.”

You took it and balanced it in one hand as you opened the lid. You blinked at its contents and snapped it shut.

“You’re not serious Steve,” You tried to shove the lingerie set back into his hands. “I’m not wearing that.”

“Let’s go over what you agreed to. One day and you’re totally mine. To do as I wish.” He smirked.

“You said to clean,” You frowned.

“That was an example of what your day may entail.” He pushed the box back towards you. “You didn’t ask for a detailed list.”

You stared at him. Then the box. Then him again.

“The sooner you get changed, the sooner your day will begin,” He checked his watch.

“It began the minute I stepped in here,” You countered. “I think I’ll take my time.”

“I think you’re not in charge,” He grabbed your arm and turned you suddenly. His strength surprised you as he ushered you over to a closed door. “Now, you can change in there or you can keep up the lip and just change right here.”

He released your arm and slapped your ass. He opened the bathroom door with his other hand and pushed it inward.

“Five minutes,” He warned. “You can start with dusting and work from there.”

You gave him a sharp look but he didn’t seem to notice as he turned away and dropped down onto the couch. You reluctantly stepped into the bathroom and resisted the urge to slam the door behind you.

The uniform was a joke. A black and white set with particularly frilly panties. You stripped and squeezed yourself into the lingerie. You felt your cheeks burn as you looked in the mirror. The bra was entirely the wrong size and you could feel your ass peeking out of the bottoms. 

You folded your clothes into the box and tried to cover yourself with it as you emerged. Steve looked over and pushed himself back to his feet. “I forgot your shoes,” He searched around and bent to retrieve the heels from beside the coffee table. “Here.” 

He held out the shoes with one hand and took the box from you with his other. You let go of the box and snatched the shoes. You didn’t miss the flick of his eyes along your body. You looked at the shoes and huffed. “These are too small.”

He shrugged as he passed you. He carried the box to another door; his bedroom. “That’s too bad.” He said before he dipped through and dropped the box inside. He returned and crossed to the closet just inside the kitchen, he pulled out a bucket of cleaning equipment and plunked it in front of you.

“Well,” He stood with hands on hips. “Better get started.”

-

You dusted, swept, and vacuumed the living room and hallway. It was easy enough. You gathered up the few pieces of rubbish Steve had produced as he sat in front of the television and fluffed his couch cushions. 

You began on the kitchen, the dishes first, and wiped the already spotless counters. You suspected it was just another way for him to gloat. He always had been a braggart.

You mopped and left the floor to dry as you started on the bathroom. It was simple enough. It looked as if he had only recently cleaned it himself. It annoyed you further to think that this was all a ploy to shame you.

You returned to the kitchen to pull the dishes from the rack and stack them in the cupboards. You stood in front of the counter as you placed the first plate in the cupboard and sensed Steve behind you. His footsteps were soft as he neared and you shook your head.

“Here to rub it in,” You asked.

He shushed you as he came up behind you and you jumped as he pressed himself against you. “You can always take a break.” He offered.

“I don’t--” Your voice died as he played with the frills along your ass. “Steve?”

“I might have some other work for you to do,” His fingers slipped under your panties and pulled them up to bare your ass a little more.

A plate slipped from your hand as he tickled your ass and you tried to step back. You pressed yourself to him as the plate smacked the counter and split into three chunks. You cursed as his hand slipped around you and gripped your hips.

“Bad girl,” He purred and it sent a shiver along your spine.

“S-sorry,” You stuttered and tried to sidestep him. He pushed you flush against the counter and picked at the waist of your panties. 

“Mmm,” He hummed. “Better finish up.”

His hand slipped down the front of your panties between your pelvis and the counter. You could feel his erection against your back. You shakily lifted another plate as his fingers pushed along your folds. He shoved his foot between yours and edged your legs apart as he played with your clit.

“Steve,” You squeaked in surprise.

“Keep going,” He ordered. 

You focused on emptying the rack as his hand kept moving. Soon you were wet as he toyed with you and the cupboard was full. He dragged his fingers along your pussy and tutted as he withdrew his hand. His fingertips glistened as he held them up.

“Look at this mess,” He pressed his fingers to your lips and forced them apart. He shoved them in your mouth and growled. “Clean it up.”

You closed your lips around his fingers and licked them clean. He pressed down on your tongue and rocked his pelvis against you.

“Take a break,” He removed his fingers and wiped them off on your panties. “Let’s go.”

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you around. He dragged you into the living room where the TV flashed still and to the couch. He let go and flopped on the couch, legs splayed wide. He reached down to push his jogging pants past his hard cock and it stood against his stomach. 

“Why don’t you sit down?” He stroked himself.

You stared at him and exhaled slowly. He grinned and his hand continued to move. He spread his other arm across the back of the couch. “It’s been what? Three hours? You’ve got twenty-one left…There’s not nearly enough cleaning to do around here.”

“Steve...this is--”

“Sore loser, are we?” He interrupted. “You made a bet, you lost. You’re mine, so...come here.”

You neared slowly. He shook his head. “You’re gonna need to take that uniform off. It’s filthy.”

You looked down at the lingerie. There was some damp spots on it but nothing glaring. “Off.”

You stared at him and dropped your eyes to the floor. You undressed carefully; your bra fell too easily down your arms and the panties rolled smoothly down your legs. When you made to take off the shoes he stopped you. “Keep those on.” 

You stepped between his legs and he spun his finger in the air. You turned and he grabbed your hips. He pulled you down into his lap and slid into you in a single motion. You gasped as he filled you and you tried to stand. He held you in place and wiggled his hips. You moaned as his cock sent a ripple through you.

He lifted you and pulled you back down. You teetered on your heels, your legs bent between his as he led your motion.

You were in shock as the swirls crawled up your thighs and left you breathless. You reached back to steady yourself against Steve's firm stomach and he gathered your wrists together.

"I never was one for gambling," His voice was dusky as he rocked into you from below. "Not til you and your big mouth."

[strwbrryeos]

Hiraeth (M)

SUMMARY; More than anything, Jungkook just wants to be loved. Alternatively, an intense feeling of longing for a home that never was.

Genre : smut, angst, whole lotta angst

Pairing : OT7 member x member

Contains : lotta angst, jungkook is sad, and alone, I'm sorry, member x member, gay sex, blow job (giving and receiving), rimming, fingering, anal sex, polyamory, moresome, orgy, creampie, cum play, rough sex, general roughness, Namjoon is a Dom lmao, hand job, cum eating, sorry if I forgot anything whoops

Links removed due to Tumblr’s algorithm issues. Please visit my blog for the Master List!

When BTS debuted, Jungkook was young. So young. All he knew was that he was entering a new world, one that would effectively take away his childhood. His hyungs knew that too, and they were eager to help him and guide him.

Jungkook was shy, so getting through to him, at first, was hard. There were days when the other members thought they would never know anything beyond that quiet exterior. But as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, he slowly but surely learned to trust them, and together they grew.

The group grew in other ways too―without Jungkook. A year or two in such close quarters, and the progression of their relationship seemed only natural, really, beginning with Namjoon and Jin. They became fast friends, and after a few drinks and one dare, they found themselves lip-locked and desperate for more. Yoongi and Namjoon spent so much time cooped up in the studio together, so none of the members were really surprised when they came back, and without a word the three of them seemed to have agreed that this would be a thing. After Yoongi it came Jimin, then Hoseok and Taehyung. The six of them in one weird, but one happy relationship.

One without Jungkook.

At first, the youngest thought it was simply because he wasn’t legal yet. That as he got older his hyungs would show him more of their love. That he’d become their baby.

But Taehyung remained their baby. Doted on and cared for in the ways that Jungkook wanted. His eighteenth birthday came and went. Then his nineteenth. And they just kept coming. And he kept being alone.

So he presents himself as the Golden Maknae, as the world expects, but beyond that he’s confused and sad and afraid.

Jungkook’s growling stomach wakes him up as the scent of Jin’s cooking wafts into the room. He rolls over, shaking the sleep off him as he puts on a shirt. Jungkook’s room is fairly large, and he wishes it weren’t so. It just feels so empty. He sighs, remembering that today is a new day, and he wants to have a good one.

There is already a commotion going on in the kitchen when Jungkook steps out. The loud sound of laughter and banter ring in his ears, and despite everything he feels, he smiles, happy that his hyungs are having such a good time.

“I did not do that!” Jimin laughs in embarrassment, hiding himself behind Namjoon.

“You totally did!” Taehyung shouts back. “And you liked it!”

The rest of the boys erupt in laughter. Jungkook has no idea what’s going on.

“What are you guys talking about?” he asks, his soft voice barely making it over the deepness of Taehyung’s.

The laughter dies down a bit. “Oh, nothing,” Jin replies with a smile. “Just something Jimin did a while ago.”

“Three years ago, might I add,” Jimin chirped.

“Still makes for a good story.”

“Please don’t ever tell that to people,” Jimin whines.

“What if I do?”

“What if I convince you otherwise?”

Taehyung lets out a low growl and grabs Jimin’s waist, pulling him close. “Is that a promise?”

When Jimin buries his blushing face in Taehyung’s chest, the group again doubles over. Jungkook’s ears are ringing with Jin laughing right next to him. All he can do is awkwardly poke his food until they all settle down to eat.

―

When Jungkook wakes up this time, it’s not to the smell of food or the light pouring in from the window; it’s to the sound of someone moaning. Jungkook groans, smothering his pillow over his face in an effort to block the sound out. It doesn’t work very well.

As Taehyung shouts, “Namjoon!”, Jungkook suddenly regrets not making his presence known when he got back. They don’t normally do anything if they know Jungkook is there (which he can’t decide is better or worse), but Jungkook had told them he’d be working late in the studio tonight. He came back early, feeling tired and uninspired. He should’ve stayed.

Now Jimin is whining, desperate for whoever’s touching him. “P-Please, hyung,” he whimpers, and the sound goes straight to Jungkook’s crotch.

“You want it, baby? You’re gonna have to beg.”

“I want it, I want it so badly―fuck!”

Jungkook curls in on himself, trying to ignore the screaming urge to touch himself, and trying more to ignore the sound of Jin fucking the life out of Yoongi. He’s also pretty sure Jimin is riding Hoseok right now, and he’s this close to losing his mind.

He does lose his mind―and his self control―when he hears Taehyung say, “Fuck my mouth. Please. Hyung, choke me. I want your cock.”

He rolls on his back, reaching for his hard dick, imagining that it’s him that Taehyung’s so eager for. Him that Taehyung wants and needs.

“Fuck, Taehyungie,” he growls as he fucks his hand, “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

“Please!”

Jungkook whines, his own fantasy spurred and clearer in his mind. Taehyung is choking on his dick while being fucked mercilessly from behind―it’s Hoseok in his head. Taehyung’s moans are muffled through the walls and Jungkook can’t help but lose it completely, white pleasure searing his body as he cums into his hand.

His breathing slows down and he gradually comes back to earth, annoyed to hear his hyungs still going at it. He stands, making his way to the bathroom to clean himself off. He makes himself comfortable in the living room, thinking that a movie will be good to drown out the sound of...whatever is happening in there.

He can hear them finish, can hear them begin their routine of after-care. Jin walks out with Namjoon, both a little startled by Jungkook’s presence.

“Shit, Kook,” Namjoon says, hair tousled and cheeks flushed. “When did you get back?”

“Been back for a while,” Jungkook replies nonchalantly, never taking his eyes off the screen.

“How long is ‘a while’?” asks Jin, but he doesn’t really need an answer to know that Jungkook heard everything.

“Long enough,” he says simply, and that’s enough for both guilt and embarrassment to take hold on Namjoon and Jin.

“Shit, sorry, if we had known―”

“It’s fine.” He finally peels his eyes away from the TV to look at them. “Aren’t they waiting for you?”

“Oh, um, right I guess―”

“Joonie?” comes Hoseok’s voice from the bedroom.

“Yeah, yeah we’re coming!” Namjoon shouts back. He and Jin make their way into the kitchen, collecting water and a couple of snacks before retreating.

Jungkook ignores them, ignores the uncomfortable settling of his heart in his stomach, ignores how cold he is despite being wrapped under two blankets. He falls asleep like that. Alone.

―

“Jungkookie! Jungkook, wake up!” someone yells in his ear, violently shaking him awake.

“What…”

He sits up, suddenly very aware of the sharp pain in his neck. The couch is not a good substitute for a bed.

“We have dance practice. We’re gonna be late.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m coming,” he replies, standing even as his eyes have yet to open. The group files out of the doors, Jin waiting for each of them before following them out. Well, all except Jungkook. He’s the last to leave, but he shakes it off. Jin didn’t mean anything by it. Today is a new day. Today will be a good day.

At practice, Jungkook pours himself into the choreography, making sure not to miss a beat. His body moves without a second thought, doing exactly as he commands. His frustration is in the rhythm; his anger is in the steps; his pain is in the expression. Their choreographer even singles him out at the end of the session, impressed with his hard-work today. Hoseok praises him too, and he can’t help the pride that bubbles up inside him.

But when the session is finally over, Jungkook’s body is nearly screaming at him. He overworked himself, he knows he did, but he got so engrossed in it that he didn’t even notice. Now he can barely hold himself up. He stumbles once, twice, but he smiles through it as if nothing’s wrong, grabbing himself a quick sip of water before getting right back to it. It goes unnoticed by everyone but Jimin.

“Jungkookie?” he calls out from the table where everyone but him is resting. “Why don’t you take a break?”

“No thanks, hyung,” he says in-between steps, concentrated on his reflection in the mirror.

“C’mon, you’re gonna overwork yourself like that. You did fine today.”

“Fine isn’t good enough,” he hisses, hitting the floor on the next beat a bit harder than he intends to. His shin complains in pain. He ignores it.

“Yah, Jiminie is right, JK,” Hoseok pipes up, urging the youngest to rest. “You did really well. Just take five minutes. Grab a drink.”

“Already did.”

“Jungkoo―”

“I’m fine!” he snaps before falling at none other than the most inconvenient time. He groans, wincing when he tries to move his ankle. “Fuck,” he curses. He stands carefully, moving to stretch it out. He breathes heavily, doing his damndest to ignore the burning stares of his hyungs on his back. He can feel the, “I told you so.” Can feel the knock to the back of his head before and, “Are you okay?”

But it never comes. Just a couple of huffs and a water bottle from Jimin, and he’s dancing again, anguish and bitterness driving his movements.

By the end of the night, it’s just him and Hoseok left. They said they would only stay a little longer, the two of them eager to get that one move just right. It’s a moment in the choreography where the duo moves in time before locking together, and the rest of the group joins them, but Jungkook can’t seem to get the fifth count right. It’s always 1...2...3...4...5―and he messes up. He can’t tell if him or Hoseok is more frustrated right now.

It’s a pretty basic move, anyway. Jungkook knows he shouldn’t be messing this up. He knows he’s better than this. He knows he could do this in his fucking sleep. And yet, he’s messed it up...again.

“Aish, Jungkook,” Hoseok scolds, “What’s up with you today?”

“Sorry, hyung,” he mumbles before resetting. He messes up again.

“You were doing so well with literally every other move earlier. What’s wrong with this one?”

“I don’t know. Me, apparently.”

“C’mon, let’s just get this down so we can go home.”

They start again. Jungkook messes up again. Hoseok sighs, moving over to his bag to check his phone and get some water. “Geez, I missed like thirty calls from them. They’re gonna kill me.”

Jungkook checks his phone too. He has one text message from Taehyung: Are you still with Hoseok?

He could fucking scream. Without waiting, he turns the music back on and tries again. He nails it perfectly.

At that moment, five men walk into the room, concern and exasperation etched on each of their faces, but Jungkook knows it’s not for him, and he wants to throw up. He’s not even sure if Hoseok saw him finish because now he’s getting smothered with hugs and peppered with kisses, and he just wishes he weren’t here.

“Why are you guys working so late?” Yoongi chides, holding Hoseok tightly. “We should be asleep.”

“We were just trying to finish that one move,” Hoseok explains.

“And did you?”

“No.”

Jungkook freezes.

“Is Jungkook still having trouble?”

“Yeah.”

His heart is pounding, and he can’t feel his fingers. Everything feels so terribly wrong and he doesn’t even know why. It’s stupid. This entire situation is stupid. Yeah, he couldn’t get it right, but it’s no big deal. He should just say something now. Say he got the move, but Hoseok missed it. Apologize for keeping him so late. Move to get water. Move to go home with them. Do something.

But he doesn’t, and they’re already moving. Yoongi is ushering Hoseok outside, his voice laced with worry even as Hoseok laughs. Jungkook can only stare, dumbfounded, as they walk away. Each of them, one by one, not bothering with him because they don’t need to be bothered by him. Jin stops right before the door, his head over shoulder, saying, “You coming?” before disappearing down the hall.

When he hears their laughter die away, something inside Jungkook breaks. He falls on the ground in a heap, a crumpled mess of heartache. He sobs, wanting nothing more than to scream. Scream for them. Tell them to come back. Tell them he loves them and he wants to be loved back. He wants to be held. Wants to be doted on. Wants to be checked on. Wants to be cuddled and kissed and pampered. He just doesn’t want to be alone.

But he is, and no sound comes out. He cries until there are no more tears left in his body, and his body can’t feel a thing. He trudges back home, his eyes puffy and face a little blotchy, but other than that, he’s okay. It’s okay. He’s the last to leave, but he shakes it off. Jin didn’t mean anything by it. Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow will be a good day.

He comes home to a silent house, everyone already fast asleep. He peeks into each room quietly; Hoseok and Yoongi are curled up in Yoongi’s bed; the other four are all quite unceremoniously passed out together on Namjoon’s bed. Jungkook smiles, happy to see his hyungs sleeping so soundly. He goes to his own room and falls asleep, his own warmth to keep him company.

―

Jungkook is the last to get up, but they have a free day and he got in late so it doesn’t really matter. He doesn’t notice it, but his eyes and face are still swollen since he fell asleep so quickly after crying. He simply ups and makes breakfast for himself, humming a slow song while completely oblivious to the several pairs of eyes that have now landed on him.

“Kookie?” Taehyung says softly as Jungkook stuffs a slice of toast in his mouth. The younger looks up, adorably confused and embarrassed as he quickly tries to swallow his food.

“Yeah?” He shifts awkwardly on his feet, not used to being the center of attention at home. All of a sudden he’s wishing he were back in the background.

“Are you okay?”

“Am I… Yeah? Why?”

“You just, um, you know. You slept in so late and your face looks tired and kind of puffy. Have you been crying?”

“Oh, that’s just my face,” he laughs, not really wanting to worry his hyungs.

“Kook, if there’s something wrong, you know you can talk to us, right?”

Jungkook falters. No, actually, he didn’t know that. “Yeah. Anyway, I’m gonna go for a walk or something. You know, since we have an off day.”

“Want some company?” Jimin pipes up.

“No, I’m good. I think I might go visit my brother.”

“Oh, okay.”

And so Jungkook leaves, unaware of the distressed talk that erupts behind him. Everything is just starting to feel wrong.

Jungkook doesn’t visit his brother. No, in fact, he meets with a real-estate agent about a nice apartment he saw an ad for. Later he visits with the company to talk about moving out. It’s a good idea, he thinks. They’ll have to live on their own soon anyway, and he won’t be in the way like this. Maybe he can finally get his mind off his members. Maybe he’ll even go on a date.

And later that day Jungkook does land a date. He talks up some cute ice-cream vendor and they agree to meet the next day for coffee. Even if it’s for a brief moment, Jungkook gets a glimpse of what it’d be like to live life like this―happily.

When Jungkook returns home, the other six men are cuddling in the living room while they watch a movie. All heads turn to the door.

“There you are!” Jin exclaims. “What took you so long?”

“I, uh―”

“Yah, you should at least tell us where you’re going! We called your brother and he said you didn’t visit him! Why did you lie?”

“I… didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” Jungkook answers, genuinely shocked by their concern.

“Why would it not be a big deal? You didn’t answer anyone’s calls or texts either.”

Jungkook looks down at his phone in his hand. Sure enough, there were several missed calls and texts. “Sorry… I guess I’m just not used to it. I didn’t realize.”

“Used to what? We were worried about you,” says Jimin in an exasperated tone.

“I’m not, uh, used to you guys worrying about me. I didn’t think anything of it. I’m sorry,” he says with a respectful bow. “It won’t happen again.”

“Yah, why are you so formal? We just wanted to know where you were.”

“I was fine. Just walking around the city.”

“What were you doing that was so important you couldn't bother to pick up your phone?” Yoongi asks, rolling his eyes.

“I had a couple of meetings and then I met up with a friend.”

“Meetings?” asks a confused Taehyung. “We didn’t have any meetings today.”

“No, I did. Just me.”

“With who?”

“Real-estate,” Jungkook says with a shrug, dropping his bag on the kitchen table. “And then the company.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Are you moving out?”

“I mean, yeah, eventually.”

“Who’s your friend?” asks Jin, trying to mask the hurt in his voice.

“Some guy I met on the street. He was selling ice-cream and we started talking so I asked him out. We’re gonna get coffee tomorrow.”

“O-Oh.”

The room is suddenly uncomfortably silent and Hoseok looks like he might cry. Jimin keeps clenching and unclenching his fists, and Namjoon has a hand on his thigh to calm him.

“I didn’t realize you wanted to leave,” Namjoon says calmly.

Jungkook clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Don’t know why you would.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asks Jin, standing up in defense of his boyfriend.

“Nothing. Sorry,” Jungkook says, regretting his momentary loss of temper. “I’ll just be in my room.”

“Wait,” calls Hoseok, stopping him in his tracks. “Aren’t we going to talk about this?”

“Talk about what?”

“I―”

“It’s kind of sudden information to drop,” Yoongi says from his place on the armchair. His hair looks a little messed, like someone’s been running their fingers in it. That feelings gnaws again at Jungkook’s chest, and he really just wants to leave. This is probably the longest conversation he’s ever had with them.

“I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal?” Jimin replies, voice cracking. “You can’t just fucking leave and not expect it to be a big deal!”

“What’s the fucking problem?” Jungkook says, his voice growing louder as his emotions bubble to the surface.

“Kookie, we just want to talk it out is all,” Jin says sweetly, trying to deescalate the situation.

“Talk what out? There’s literally nothing to talk out!”

“So the fact that you just want to leave without telling us and the fact that you apparently have a boyfriend now are just things that we don’t get to know?”

“Why do you give a fuck where I live?” Jungkook sneers. “And I’m going on one date! So what?”

“So what?” pipes up Namjoon, who so far had been terribly harmonious. “Why are you acting like we don’t care about you?”

For a second, everything stops, and Jungkook can feel everything in his chest. Why are you acting like we don’t care about you? And then he starts to laugh. Everything that’s been building inside of him just erupts in laughter, simply because he doesn’t know what to do with himself at this point.

“Since when,” he says between breaths, “do you care about me?”

Jimin physically reels, and Taehyung can only look at him with the widest eyes. Namjoon looks like he’s been slapped.

“Kook, we’ve… we’ve always cared about you.”

“Yeah, well, you sure have got one hell of a way of showing it.”

A few tears fall down Jimin’s face. “Do you… Do we… You really think we don’t care about you?”

“Maybe. But not in the way you care about each other. You don’t love me. Aish, it’ll be easier when I move out anyway. No more sneaking around. You guys can all fuck each other on the fucking kitchen table without question!”

“Jungkook!” Hoseok yells.

“What?”

“How can you even say that? Do you fucking hear yourself?”

“Do you hear yourself?” Jungkook shouts back. “You guys don’t even fucking notice me unless it’s just us, one on one. Or apparently when I go missing for a day. Hell, even then that’s iffy.”

“What the fuck has gotten into you? We pay attention to you! Or is the only way for us to show our affection to suck your dick?”

“Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?”

“I’m not hearing a defense!” Jin says.

“I fucking… God! You want a defense? You want evidence? You’ve all been ignoring me for so many fucking years you don’t even know who I am! I don’t even have to go back more than twenty-four fucking hours for evidence. You think I’m not so fucking angry all the time? Angry that you all love each other more than me? That I got the unfortunate pleasure of being around people who don’t want me around? Why do you think I danced so well yesterday, huh? Or the day before that? Or the day before that? It’s always easier to dance when you’ve got emotions to dance with. Yeah, maybe I fucking overworked myself during rehearsals yesterday, but at least it gave me something else to focus on other than the sound of Taehyung choking on someone’s dick!”

“Jungkook―”

“And I’m not even fucking finished! I stay and practice because, god, despite everything I can’t stand the idea of letting any one of you down, so Hoseok agrees to work with me until the ungodly hours of the night and you all are worried about him. Nobody gives a shit about me! You all left and I fucking cried. I sobbed. I sobbed like a kid because I constantly feel so alone. Right in the middle of the fucking studio. But none of you would know that because you already fucking left. Because you don’t care. I get home alone. Is anybody waiting for me? No. I go to sleep alone. Every minute of every day I’m alone. And you’re all too in love with each other to even notice it. So yeah, sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I want to move out because I swear to god I’m going to lose what’s left of my mind if I keep living like this.”

And with that, Jungkook takes a deep breath, and then it all comes out. Everything. He can’t control it. His entire body is shaking, his mind is numb, and all he knows is that he’s sobbing right in the middle of the fucking floor but nobody cares. Nobody moves.

Hoseok feels sick to his stomach, and one look at the others says they feel the same. How could they let this happen? How could they have been so fucking blind? How could they have let Jungkook live feeling so unloved and so lonely? And why, after this big confession, were they still letting him feel that way?

Jungkook finally heaves a breath. He’s still shaking, but he’s not crying anymore. Without a word, he picks himself up, makes his way to his room, and shuts the door. The house remains quiet.

―

Inside his room, Jungkook is buried under his blankets. He’s cuddling his pillow, and though his chest hurts and his eyes sting, he feels relieved. At least he doesn’t have to walk around carrying that weight anymore. Somehow, he’s able to fall asleep.

Outside his room, everything has gone to hell. Jin’s trying to keep himself together for the sake of everyone else, but he’s damn near this close to breaking alongside everyone else. His mind is still reeling, and his body can’t seem to catch a good breath. Everything that Jungkook said is just echoing back and forth in his mind, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“I can’t believe―” Jimin sobs into his hands while Yoongi rubs comforting circles on his back. “We’re so stupid.”

“We should’ve tried harder,” Namjoon says, his eyes glazed over as he stares at the ceiling. “Of course he would feel ignored. Who wouldn’t?”

“Can we… Do you think we can still make it up to him? Prove to him that we love him just as much?”

“Do you think he’d even accept it at this point?”

“I wanna at least try.”

“We should wait until he wakes up.”

“What if he’s awake right now and just sitting in bed? I wanna go.”

“Tae―”

“You can’t stop me, hyung.”

Jin nods. “I’ll cook dinner.”

Taehyung makes his way to Jungkook’s room, rapping lightly on the door before entering. It’s dark, and he can just barely make out Jungkook’s form on his bed. “Jungkook,” he whispers, crawling under the blankets.Taehyung knows him too well, and he knows he’s definitely feigning sleep.

Jungkook doesn’t move, hell, he barely breathes, but he’d be lying if he said Taehyung’s warmth wasn’t welcome. Taehyung wraps an arm around Jungkook and pulls him close, snuggling his face into his neck. “I’m sorry,” he says, his breath hot on Jungkook’s skin. “I should’ve known better.” He gently, very gently, presses a kiss to the back of his neck. “Please talk to me.”

The youngest breathes softly before saying, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Taehyung replies, holding Jungkook tighter, if possible. “You should know how important you are to me.” He plants a firmer kiss on the back of his neck before moving up a bit and kissing his cheek.

“It’s okay, hyung,” Jungkook says through a breathy laugh. “You don’t have to make me feel better.”

“Shut up,” the older replies, rolling the younger on his back so he could see him better. Jungkook stares up at him, giving him a weak smile. “You’re so handsome Jungkookie.” He hovers over him, eyes flickering to his lips. “Can I kiss you?” Even in the dark, Taehyung can see the younger’s blush.

“Y-You don’t have to do that, hyung. I’m fine, really.”

“Please? I want to.”  

“Okay.”

Taehyung gives him his signature boxy smile before descending on the younger boy, his lips landing on him softly. Jungkook is timid, but when Taehyung puts his hand in his hair, he’s more eager to accept the kiss. Jungkook lets out a soft, barely audible moan, making Taehyung laugh lightly. He nips the younger’s bottom lip before pulling away.

“Jin’s making dinner,” he says softly, stroking his hair. “Do you want to come?”

Jungkook bites his lip and nods. “Okay.”  

Taehyung maneuvers off of him and holds out his hand. Jungkook takes it shyly, clinging to his arm, unsure exactly how to act in this new territory. “C’mon, baby,” the older says. “You’ll be fine.”

“Stay with me?”

“Of course.”

Taehyung leads Jungkook out of his room and down the hall where the other five men have put up the best presentation of their life. The table is set for all seven of them, candles alight on the table. Again, Jungkook blushes, knowing it’s all for him. “You seriously… You don’t have to do this,” he whispers. “I’m sorry for my outburst earlier.”

Hoseok approaches him, gently taking him from Taehyung’s arms. “We deserved it. And you deserve this. And more.”

“We’re gonna make it up to you.”

“We promise.”

Hoseok kisses his hand and leads him to a place at the head of the table. Jungkook hesitates, saying, “Joon-hyung normally sits here,” but his protests are quickly silenced.

“Just enjoy the food, baby,” he says, and Jungkook is blushing again.

―

At the end of the meal, Jungkook is smiling from ear to ear, his body vibrating with excitement from all the compliments he’s been receiving. He’s never gotten so much affection from them at once. He wants to feel like this all the time.

“Kookie, you wanna watch a movie?” Jin asks after he’s cleaned up. Jungkook agrees eagerly.

They let Jungkook choose the movie, and of course he picks a thriller, and that’s mostly just for kicks. Jimin ends up in his lap while Hoseok is desperately clinging to Yoongi. When the movie is finished, Jungkook is laughing his ass off, not feeling even a little bit bad for his hyungs.

Jin rolls his eyes, moving and making his way towards Jungkook. “Brat,” he says as he picks him up, throwing him over his shoulder and giving his ass a good slap.

“I am not!” Jungkook shouts defensively, squirming on his hyung’s shoulder knowing full well he wasn't going anywhere. The other members trail after the oldest, following them into Jin’s room―the largest room. Jin basically tosses Jungkook onto the bed, and he lands with a slight bounce.

“You are. You’re asking to be punished.”

“For what?”

“How about for your little outburst earlier, hm? Stormed off and everything. That’s not very nice,” he says as he grabs Jungkook’s thighs and pulls him close. “And then you go and kiss Taehyung but not the rest of us.”

“He did what? Taehyung, get over here right now,” Namjoon commands. Taehyung obeys, soon finding himself seated next to Jungkook. “Show us what you did.”

“We just kissed,” Taehyung says.

“Show us.”

Taehyung shrugs, looking at Jungkook for permission. Jungkook takes the initiative this time, reaching out for the older boy with little hesitation. Their lips meet with electricity, pent up emotions finally boiling over. Taehyung gets a bit more aggressive, pulling at Jungkook’s shirt to get him closer, closer until―

“Stop.”

The two of them ignore it, desperate to feel each other.

“I said stop.” Taehyung breaks away, breathing heavily, pouting at his elder. “Don’t give me that look.”

“Namjoonie-hyung,” says Jimin, “Can I get a turn with him?”

“Mm, I guess. You can take his clothes off for him. Is that okay, Kookie?”

Jungkook nods, swallowing thickly. He can’t believe this is actually happening. Makes him wish he had yelled at his hyungs sooner.

Jimin straddles Jungkook, smiling sweetly at him before kissing him hungrily. Jungkook’s mouth feels dry, but he never wants it to stop. Slowly, too slowly, Jimin works his way down, taking Jungkook’s shirt off first, the rest to follow. Soon enough he’s sitting there, naked, untouched, and painfully hard. Not to mention embarrassed at the fact that he’s the only one in here without clothes on.

“Aw, baby, are you embarrassed?” asks Hoseok, a hand reaching out to gently stroke his thick cock.

“No,” he replies, even though he’s trying to hide his face.

“You’re so cute,” he laughs. “Relax. I’m gonna make you feel good.”

Hoseok situates himself comfortably in front of Jungkook before engulfing his member with his mouth. Jungkook keens, never having felt so good before in his entire fucking life. His hands grab the sheets beneath him, twisting them beneath his fingers in a poor attempt to keep his head on his shoulders. Yoongi can’t help but smile and sit behind him, propping him up on his chest.

“So cute,” he mutters as he leaves soft kisses down the maknae’s neck.

“Y-Yoongi… hyung!” he shouts, hand reaching out the grab the elder’s thigh as Hoseok’s mouth works its magic on his dick. “Fuck…” he whines, and Yoongi loves the sound.

In fact, they all do. Taehyung is heavily making out with Namjoon, grinding into his leg in an effort to get some relief. Namjoon is rough with him, just the way Taehyung likes it, and he’s tossing him onto the bed beside Jungkook. Taehyung can’t tell if he’s getting off on the way Namjoon’s taking over or the pretty sounds that are falling from Jungkook’s mouth.

Jungkook whimpers, one hand reaching to grab for Hoseok. “Hyung… hyung I’m gonna―”

“It’s okay, baby. Let go,” Yoongi says from his place behind Jungkook, and the youngest holds him tightly, cumming right into Hoseok’s mouth. Hoseok doesn’t stop sucking even for a second, swallowing his cum and leaving Jungkook breathless. His head is spinning as he collapses on Yoongi, and though he thinks he’s done for the night, he can feel his dick twitch in interest when he sees Jimin sucking Jin’s cock.

It also helps that Taehyung is riding Namjoon like he was born for it. “N-Namjoon,” he whines. “I’m cumming… Fuck, fuck I’m cumming!”

Jungkook watches with rapt attention as Taehyung cums all over himself an Namjoon, and he groans as his dick gets hard again.

“Like watching Taehyung get fucked, baby,” Hoseok asks with a knowing smirk. Jungkook covers his face, ashamed at getting caught. Hoseok can only laugh as he moves to give the younger a heavy kiss, and if Jungkook weren’t so high on the atmosphere right now, he might think twice about tasting himself on Hoseok’s tongue.

Jin suddenly appears beside Jungkook, planting soft kisses across his bare abdomen. “Baby, why don’t you be a good boy and take care of Yoongi? He’s been holding you all night.”

“O-Okay, hyung,” Jungkook says, rolling over on his hands and knees. Yoongi gives him a quick peck before unzipping his pants, exposing his hard member to the maknae. Without a second thought, Jungkook takes him in his mouth. What he lacks in skill he makes up for in enthusiasm, bobbing on Yoongi’s cock with vigor.

“Fuck,” Yoongi moans quietly. “You’re such a good boy.”

Jungkook comes up for air briefly, saying, “I’ll be a good boy for you hyung,” before diving right back down again. Yoongi can only groan in response, his hands tangled in the younger’s hair as he gets the suck of his life.

Jin comes up behind Jungkook, careful not to scare him, massaging his ass. Jungkook can feel him leaving kisses along the skin as he makes his way towards the center. His tongue reaches its destination, causing Jungkook to yelp in surprise, momentarily slipping off Yoongi’s dick. But he learns to relax into the feeling, and he takes pleasure in it as Jin slowly fucks his ass with his tongue.

And then Jin inserts a finger. Jungkook gasps, nearly falling over in the newfound pleasure. His rests his forehead on Yoongi’s thigh, unsure of what to do with himself. “You can do it, baby,” Yoongi says, urging him to finish what he started.

Jungkook can only whine at him before taking him back in his mouth. He matches his pace with Jin’s, so when Jin slows down, he slows down, and when Jin speeds up, he speeds up. Yoongi twitches in his mouth, the tightening grip on his hair indicating that he’s close to cumming. Jungkook is still trying to decide whether or not he wants it in his mouth when Yoongi’s cumming anyway, and Jungkook takes it upon himself to swallow everything that the older gives. Yoongi falls backwards, staring at the ceiling in fucked out bliss.

“Mm, we should’ve done that sooner.”

Jungkook falls forward on his forearms, completely focusing on the feeling of Jin behind him now. He looks around him; watches Yoongi and Taehyung kiss passionately; watches Hoseok rail into Jimin while stuffed full of Namjoon’s cock, and his sense are so overwhelmed, especially when he feels the first dollop of cold lube on his ass.

He shakes, nearly falling over if it weren’t for Jin’s hands supporting him. “Don’t worry, baby boy, you’re doing so well.”

Jungkook whines, clinging to the sheets in desperation. He can hear the rising octaves of Hoseok’s voice as he gets closer to his high, and he’s suddenly hyperaware of how ridiculously untouched he is. Namjoon seems to notice this, leaving Hoseok and Jimin to place himself in front of Jungkook, rubbing soothing circles on his cheek.

“Hi, baby. How are you doing?”

“I’m― hyung!” he gasps.

“It’s okay, baby,” Jin says. “I’m just prepping you.”

“I-It… It feels good,” he cries.

“I know, baby. And it’s gonna feel better.”

“Please fuck me, hyung,” Jungkook whimpers desperately.

“Don’t worry, baby, we’re gonna take it slow.”

“No―no. I-I can’t,” he cries, grabbing at Namjoon urgently.

“Ssh, baby,” Namjoon says. “Jin-hyung will take care of you.”

When Jungkook feels the tip of Jin’s dick at his entrance, he doubles over, supporting himself on Namjoon. He kisses Jungkook’s back as he pushes himself inside, ever so slowly.

Jungkook’s going to lose his mind.

Jin stays there for a minute or two, letting Jungkook adjust before he gives him the go-ahead. Jin starts at a steady pace, not looking to rip the maknae in half so soon, but Jungkook wants it. He needs it.

“Hyung, hyung fuck me harder, please.”

“Baby―”

“Please!” he begs, rocking back on Jin’s dick to feel more of him. “I’m fine, I promise. I need you so bad.”

Jin nods, slowly but surely picking up his pace until the sound of skin-on-skin is echoing throughout the entire room. Jungkook feels completely and totally blissed out. Namjoon loves the sight, and he jerks himself off to it, getting off on Jungkook cries and moans and cute little whimpers.

Jin’s brows are furrowed in concentration as he fucks into the youngest; he can’t think of how long he’s been dreaming of this. And now he finally has it. The sweet boy who he knew wasn’t as sweet as they thought. And he feels so fucking good. Jin looks up, seeing his other lover moaning louder and louder as he jacks off to the sight of him and Jungkook.

“Fuck, Jungkookie, shit I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum on me, hyung,” Jungkook says, and Jin swears he might cum from that request alone.

Namjoon does, cumming fully all over Jungkook’s face and shoulders, painting his pretty skin white. Jungkook collects some in his hand and brings it down to his own dick, stroking himself to the pace of Jin.

“Shit, Jungkook,” Jimin says from his place on the bed, “are you really using hyung’s cum to get off?”

Jungkook’s face turns red and he whines, hiding himself in the sheets, but definitely not stopping. Jin leans over him, fucking into him harder as he gets closer.

“I’m getting close, Kookie,” Jin groans.

“M-Me too,” the maknae whimpers. “I-I’m gonna cum, hyung.”

“Be a good boy and cum for me, yeah?”

Jimin crawls over in front of Jungkook, cupping his face in his hands. “You still have cum on you, Jungkookie.” Without another word, he kisses Jungkook’s face, licking off Namjoon’s cum before locking him in a heavy kiss. It’s all too much for Jungkook, and his hand stills on himself as he cums hard, nearly crying into Jimin’s mouth as he succumbs to the pleasure.

He doesn’t even notice Jin has cum until he’s pulling out of him, and he’s whining with how empty he feels. He topples onto the bed in complete exhaustion, having been utterly spent. He doesn’t even care that his and at least two other people’s cum are drying to him now. He just wants to sleep.

They don’t allow that, though, carefully rolling him over and cleaning him up before dressing him in the biggest, comfiest hoodie they could find. Jungkook finds himself cuddled in-between Taehyung and Jin, sleep gently taking over his body.

“Hey, Jungkook?” Yoongi speaks up from the end of the bed.

“Mm?”

“You know we love you, right?”

“Yeah, hyung,” he whispers sleepily. “I know.”

[purplesurveys]

814

Have you seen Casablancas? If you mean Casablanca, then yes. Though to be more accurate I’ve tried watching it numerous times but it was always a bit boring to me and I’ve never been able to finish it, whoops. What's your favorite older film? Gone with the Wind and Two for the Road. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone 10+ years older? No. I don’t know if I’d want to get into something like that either. Do you listen to Howard Stern? I’ve only seen one episode(?) of his talk show and only because one of my favorite wrestling personalities was a guest. I was like 13 when I watched it so I did not expect and was shocked at the explicit questions he was asking, but I powered through for my fave lmao. What kind of vehicle do you drive? I have a white hatchback Mitsubishi Mirage, but I think my dad is selling that soon so I might have to drive the Suzuki Vitara from now on.

Do you think it's weird to cut pizza with scissors? That’s...so weird....I’ve never seen anyone cut up pizza like that. We do use scissors to cut barbecue though, so the idea of cutting up food with scissors isn’t fully weird to me. Aliens or unicorns? Aliens are far more interesting to me. Would you ever want a Loot Crate? I’m not really into their content. I’m more likely to buy other subscription boxes. Are you sensitive to caffeine? Not so much? I mean I get the usual effects you’d expect from caffeine – palpitations, getting a bit jumpy, feeling awake – but it hasn’t been any worse than those. Do you enjoy any of your friend's grandparents? This question is phrased so weirdly lol. I get along very well with Angela’s grandpa (and her grandma, until she passed) and we always have nice, brief conversations when I come over at her place. I do not like Gab’s grandmother at all. She’s homophobic, criticizes Gab for her looks, Facebook posts, etc., and she also does not like me for whatever reason. I don’t go down without a fight lol so I’ve also been vocal about the fact that I don’t like her back, and I always tell Gabie to never put me in the same room with her because I will not be able to hold my mouth back jkfhkdhfdfdg. Do you have any friends that have moved a state away? I have friends that have moved continents away. Locally speaking, it’s not common for people to move from the city to the province. Have you ever worked in sales? No. I don’t think I’ll last a day in that field; it’s just not my forte. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like the pet name ‘baby’ for one. Who was the last person you had a heart to heart with? Gabie. What's your favorite children's book? I went to the school library nearly every day as a kid just to read Corduroy over and over again. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Friends was supposed to have some kind of reunion special that was gonna air by May but I think they pushed it back due to the pandemic, if that counts. Otherwise, the newest season for Queer Eye that I had been waiting for already came out last week. What's the last funny thing you remember someone saying to you? Wasn’t a funny thing per se but last night Gab sent me a hilarious cat/dog gif. If you wear makeup, what brands do you use? I don’t. What shampoo and conditoner are you using? I use Dove shampoo and Cream Silk conditioner. Do you like Lily Pulitzer? I only recognize the last name, but I don’t know if she’s related to the person that the Pulitzer Prize was named after.

How old are you? 22.

How do you usually do your hair? Usually it’s simply down, but when it gets warm I tie it up in a ponytail with the hair tie that is on my right wrist 24/7. How do you feel about leggings if your shirt covers your butt? Idk, not my style. I’d rather tuck it in. Tbh I’d rather not wear leggings at all, but yeah answered this question just in case I had no choice. What's your favorite playlist named? I don’t have one. I have a lot of mood and themed playlists and any of them are bound to be my favorite at some point depending on my mood. Have you ever been given a ticket? What for? Yeah, Rafie once gave me an extra WWE ticket for free because his mom works for one of the companies that served as a sponsor for the show. We watched the gig together and it was one of the best nights ever. I really appreciated the nice deed, considering we weren’t the closest of internet friends. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? She can do a mean chipmunk impersonation, haha. I ask her to do it whenever I’m down and need a laugh. What is your favorite frappuccino flavor? Java chip. What is something that would make you think less of someone? If I see/hear them make the slightest face or remark on anything LGBT-related. Do/did you have a Neopets account? I didn’t but I did have some kind of Neopets game on my phone where I had to jump over obstacles like trees, and it let me play it without having to make an account. Have you ever cheated on a significant other? Never. What is something you're procrastinating? Nothing, really. I should be registering for a social security number now so I can move on to job-hunting, but a) their online registration process is garbage and b) I can’t go out yet to do it physically. I don’t really have a choice but to hold it off for now.

What app do you waste the most time on? These days, Facebook. Twitter has since become boring during the quarantine – since no one can go out, no one tweets stuff about their day anymore and everyone’s just been retweeting shit and it’s gotten boring lol – so I haven’t been using it a lot in the last couple of months. Do you play any games on your phone? Just a couple. Are you more liberal or conservative? We don’t have those here but I’m sure I’ll be considered as liberal. Have you discovered any bands or artists lately you're digging? Nope, been sticking to my favorites these days. Who was the last you saw perform live? Paramore. Are you into sport's ball? No idea what this is.

[cherryeol04]

Action! | Ch. 3

Genre: Humor, Romance, Slice of life?, Crackheadedness Pairings: BaekRen, MinRon Work Count: 1.1K Summary:  From the moment he was casted, Ren wasn't sure if he had what it would take to be a pop idol. Losing faith in himself, he was going to give up the future he had always wanted, but one person stood by his side and renewed his faith. After a hot debut and rapid growth of stardom, Ren started to notice that maybe this person, his close friend, was something more. But how could a straight man even remotely think of a homosexual relationship? Warnings: Homophobia, some smut (chapters will be marked)  A/N: I wrote this series back in 2012 and used OCs and over the top writing style for arguments. Whoops. Lmao it’s pretty decent though, so I hope you enjoy! 

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No One’s POV

Minki waited outside the karaoke building impatiently. Dongho said to meet in an hour at the place. It was quite a distance from Minki’s current residence, so when Minki got there, he was already fifteen minutes late, and no Dongho. Checking his watch again, Minki sighed. Dongho was now 45 minutes late and he was starting to give up.

It was strange, that after a few months of becoming a trainee and having their first meeting, that Dongho had never called him. Minki had assumed it was because he was ashamed of himself for the comment he made about the phone, yes he still couldn’t get over it, but as the days passed by, he was starting to believe that the other just forgot about him. Which was weird, because Minki hadn’t forgotten about the smiling fool.

Dongho, he had seemed so friendly and nice. He was sure they would have been fast friends, but apparently he was wrong. He made quick friends with other trainees than with Dongho, and he had forgotten half of the other guy’s name. Except for Minhyun.  He was nice and kind. They had hung out a lot in the past few months. Minhyun was sadly Minki’s only friend. It was almost depressing.

“Yah!” Minki’s head lifted, eyes locking with the form that was running towards him. “I’m so sorry!” Dongho said and they exchanged bows in greetings. “I got sidetracked.”

Minki stared at him before rolling his eyes and turned. “I’m going home.” He said.

“Hey!” Dongho said and reached out, grabbing the other’s arm to stop him. “Don’t be like that. It’s not what you think. My mom came home and needed my help.” He said and laughed nervously. “Come on, we can still go in and have fun.” He said.

Looking back at the boy, he thought it over. He had spent an hour getting there, and half an hour waiting for the other to show up. Might as well go in and have a bit of fun before making the long trip home. “Fine.” Minki agreed as he pulled his arm from the other. “Let’s go.” He said.

Dongho pouted at the answer. “Is that any way to talk to your hyung?” he asked.

Minki stopped and stared at him. “Sorry hyung. Maybe next time you shouldn’t be late.” He said and walked into the building.

Dongho had to laugh. Feisty little thing, Minki was.

Standing inside, Minki waited and smiled as he let Dongho pay for the room for them. Might as well right? He was the hyung after all. His smile widened at the displeased look the other threw him and he laughed, heading down the hall to an empty room.

“You think you’re so slick don’t you?” Dongho asked as he walked in behind the other, closing the door.

“I don’t think.” Minki said as he sat down on the couch. “I know.” He said and grinned. Dongho smirked and shook his head. It was clear; Minki was going to be a handful, for everyone.

“Alright, so who goes first?” Dongho asked.

“You. You’re the hyung, right?” Minki asked.

“Yes.” Dongho said and grinned. Grabbing the remote, he started searching through the song lists on the screen. While he did, Minki went about, grabbing the mikes and handing him one. After a few months of searching, Dongho finally picked a song he liked and pressed play. Taking the outstretched mike, he turned it on and started singing.

Sitting back, Minki made himself comfortable as Dongho started singing. The moment the words fell from the other’s lips, his eyes widened. Dongho, he looked like a manly man, someone with a deep voice. He hadn’t expected it to be so smooth and beautiful. It was cliché, but honestly, his voice sounded like an angel's. Why hadn’t he been put in a group yet?

Realizing his mouth was open, he closed it. Knowing this boy was highly skilled, or just naturally gifted (it could have been a little of both), Minki started getting nervous. There was no way he could even compare to Dongho. The other would surely laugh when he started singing.

Wrapped up in his fear of being made a fool, Minki hadn’t noticed the song ended and that Dongho was staring at him expectantly. “Well?” Snapping back, Minki stared up at him for a long hard moment.

“You should be an idol.” He said.

“Well, I did try out and make it didn’t I?” Dongho asked and smiled.

“No, I mean right now. You shouldn’t even be a trainee.” Minki said and sighed. “You’re so good.” He whispered.

A blush spread over Dongho’s face and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Really? Thanks.” He said before handing over the remote. “It’s your turn, let’s see how well you do.” He said.

Hesitantly, Minki took the remote. He was still unsure if he could do this, but the reassuring nods of encouragement that Dongho was giving him, it was enough to build up his confidence enough to stand and pick his song.

“Just, don’t laugh.” He commented. Dongho’s face was contorted into a weird look. The other obviously didn’t understand. And there may not have been anything wrong with his voice, but after hearing Dongho, Minki was sure he wouldn’t sound at all good.

“I won’t.” Dongho promised nonetheless and sat back.

Taking in a deep breath, the song started and Minki was reminded once more of why he had auditioned to begin with. This was something he loved, something he was passionate about. To be an idol, that was his goal. He was going to do it! Nothing was going to stop him.

When the song ended, Minki turned and stared at Dongho. He was surprised to see the other’s eyes so wide and his mouth hanging open. He wondered if that’s what he looked like when Dongho had been singing. He could feel his cheeks heating up and waited.

“That was…you should be an idol!” Dongho finally said. The words made Minki laugh, which in turn made Dongho laugh. “Really though, you’re really good.” He said after a few moments of laughter.

“Thanks.” Minki said and moved around, taking a seat next to Dongho. ‘So you think I have what it takes?” he asked.

“Totally. And you think I have what it takes?”

“Completely.”

“You know, we should stick together, you and me.” Dongho said. “Form our own small group. Surely we’ll have a better chance at being placed that way.” He suggested.

Minki sat there, thinking about the suggestion. It was a wise idea. Dongho was very good at singing. If Minki went up against him, he was pretty sure Dongho would be picked over him. So maybe it was better if they did form this little alliance and together, work their way to being picked.

“Alright then.” Minki said and grinned. “Let’s do it.” He said.

“Alright!” Dongho said, grinning happily. He reached out and patted Minki’s back, nearly sending him on the floor. He laughed. “To a bright future.”

“And idol stardom.”

Tags: @cuddly-bangchan​ @lordseochangbin​ @channiesmixtape​​ @starryseung​​ @felixsanxchatbot​​ @jisungsjheekies​​

[vantekay]

up all night ||jjk

word count: 3k

estimated reading time: lmao didn’t read this one either. I will eventually come back and read it and put the time here but for now just enjoy does anyone even like these estimated reading time things lmao I might just get rid of them

genre(s): fluff, slight crack lol, some angst? kinda?

warning(s): a couple curse words, mentions of sexual activities but thats it

“I can't remember who I was before I met you that one night last year but now I've got you by my side right here”

you and jungkook met at an after party for one of the award shows they were attending. the both of you were a bit tipsy, but not to the point where you couldn't make coherent decisions and conversation. jungkook remembers being thankful for the liquid courage the drinks had given him or else he never would have met you that night. everyone knew jungkook was shy, and even shyer around those of the opposite gender so when his band mates saw the two of you sitting at the bar laughing like you were the only ones in the room, they were beyond shocked. you remember he had caught your eye because of how polite he was when he sat down next to you, offering to buy you a drink but not before he told you it was okay to decline him of his offer if he made you uncomfortable or if you had a date that had stepped away for a moment. you laughed at how nervously sweet he was and he remembers being confused by your reaction before you explained that you were laughing because of how cute he was, causing him to break out in a blush that started from his neck and went all the way up to his ears and cheeks. after the initial conversation, you both sat at the bar laughing all night. you went back and forth buying each other drinks occasionally but never too many to get shitfaced because he had another award show the next day and you had work early the next morning. he never thought he would be so comfortable around a stranger, a girl stranger to be exact, but you made it easy. you didn't treat him as “Jeon Jungkook from BTS!” you treated him like a normal person, and he loved it and he knew right then and there that he had to keep in touch with you in some way. so he politely asked for your number, for “business reasons”, and you gladly gave it to him. what you didn't expect was to be taken out on dates not even a week after meeting him and a month later becoming his girlfriend.

“I wanna stay up all night, all night with you”

jungkook loved spending the night at yours. he loved holding you at night and playing with your hair, holding your hand, singing to you softly and anything else you asked of him. though, many of these sleepovers would not be spent sleeping, but spent in front of your television in the living room playing video games with food and drinks surrounding your frames. jungkook loved that you played video games with him even if you weren’t exactly the best, he enjoyed spending that time with you and laughing until he cried and his sides hurt. one year for valentines day, jungkook had bought two of those pizzas that you can get made into the shape of a heart and a dozen of your favorite flowers. he showed up at your door with these items in hand, his bunny smile adorning his face as he waits for you to open the door. when you finally opened the door, you were beyond shocked, jaw falling open as you gazed at your boyfriend in disbelief. you knew he was coming over, but did not expect him to arrive with gifts. “gukkie,” you whined with a pout forming on your lips as you stood in the doorway. he flashed you his beautiful bunny smile from above the bouquet of flowers before interrupting you before you could continue speaking, knowing what you were going to say anyways from the way you whined his name. “I know we said nothing special this year, but this is it, I promise. just some pizza and your favorite flowers” he smiles again before shoving past your frame and walking into the apartment. you shake your head and laugh before turning and following him inside, shutting the door and pressing your back up against it with your arms crossed over your chest as you watch him walk into the kitchen to put down the gifts. he turns back around to find you still pouting at him from the door, giggling as he makes his way over to you. “are you really upset with me baby? cause I can go back to the dorm. I’m sure the guys wouldn’t mind some free food and flowers” he teases as he walks in front of you and begins to kiss at your face, working his way all around before finally placing a kiss on your lips. it’s nothing more than a peck, something he knows you hate because it never lasts long enough. you frown at him before grabbing him by the face and bringing his lips back down to yours, kissing him softly and longer than he did moments ago before pulling away. “of course I’m not actually mad, I mean who would be upset over free food?” jungkook pouts and you giggle, kissing the edges of his mouth as he pushes away from you. “ is that all I’m good for? free food? fine, then I’ll take these heart shaped pizzas back” he smirks as he watches your eyes bulge at the mention of the ridiculous valentine treat you had seen only weeks prior, laughing with him over how cheesy it was to get something like that on valentines day. “jeon jungkook you did not” you say as you make your way into the kitchen to inspect the pizza’s. you lift the lids of both to find that he did indeed buy heart shaped pizzas for the nights activities. you turn around to face him when suddenly your lifted up in the air by the waist, being carried into the living room. “I did, now can we get the video games started before we pig out? I really wanna beat your ass in mario kart before eating my well deserved pizza” jungkook says nonchalantly as he places you down on the couch. “I hate you” you say playfully as you watch your boyfriend make his way to your entertainment center to start up the game console. “I love you too, sweetheart” he giggles as he walks back to the couch with both controllers in hand. he smiles down at you before handing you yours. “now, let the ass whooping commence” he exclaims as he plops down onto the couch beside you. you laugh before leaning over and placing a kiss on his lips. “thank you guk, I love you” you whisper and he smiles before kissing you again. “anything for you angel”. after that, the rest of the night is spent playing mario kart and other various video games with your boyfriend while you both stuff yourselves full of pizza and other snacks.

“show me your secrets, I'll be your keeper”

jungkook wasn’t the type of person to express his feelings, so you were always encouraging him to try and open up to you. jungkook liked to act like nothing ever bothered him, like his skin was a bulletproof vest and any bad situation or rumor going on around him never penetrated his skin but you knew it did. you would see the moments where a mean comment about him or his members would upset or confuse him. you would see the way his eyebrows furrowed and he began to curse himself if he couldn't get a dance move right or sing a line the way he wanted. he tried to act tough, tried to act like the big emotionless man he thought you wanted. what he couldn’t see was that you wanted him, all of him, and you finally had to tell him that seeing as he was too blind to see it on his own. it was on a night that he looked particularly dejected and tired, coming home from practice later than he originally said and throwing his limbs around like he was weightless. he came in and sat sluggishly on your couch, running his hands down his face and letting out a deep sigh. he hadn't expected you to be awake, seeing as it was now nearly 3am and he told you he was going to be home at 11. he thought you would have been mad at him, so he had that sitting in the back of his mind along with the stupid set of dance moves he just couldn't seem to get and the vocals he recorded earlier not sounding the way he wanted them too at all, frustrating him to no end. as he sat and let his anger spill out in the form of angry huffs and tugs at his hair, the last thing he expected was to feel the couch dip beside him and your hand rub soothingly across his back. he looked over at you, expecting a sour face and a lecture coming his way about being out so late, but he got none of that. instead you gave him a loving smile and a quick peck on the lips, asking him what was on his mind in one of the softest voices he had ever heard. he tried to shrug it off, tried to tell you it was nothing and that he was just tired, but you knew he wasn't and you were tired of jungkook thinking he had to deal with his emotions alone. you looked him in the eyes and told him exactly what had been on your mind for the past couple of months since you had started dating. you told him that you asked those kinds of questions because you wanted to know about his day, wanted him to be able to voice his concerns and be able to feel a weight lifted off of his shoulders instead of bottling everything inside and brushing you off. you told him it wasn't good to do that, and that if he was worried that you were going to judge him or make fun of his most inner thoughts that he shouldn’t because you would never even think to do that to someone that you loved and cared so much about. jungkook doesn't cry, but that night he definitely let out some pent up sadness and anger. after you had told him that you actually cared and wanted to hear about the things that were troubling him, he let it all out. you hugged him close to you for once and allowed for him to open up his heart to you. after that, jungkook wore his heart on his sleeve, at least when he was around you.

“It's 4 am and and we're up somehow, sitting on the carpet, dancing in the clouds”

jungkook loved it when you tried to dance along to his songs. he always thought you looked adorable. he loved the way your body looked whilst maneuvering to hit all the same moves he did when he danced. he loved it even more, though, when you and him would stay up all night and goof off, dancing to songs he played softly throughout your bedroom. he remembers back to one of the first times he spent the night at yours, it had been pretty early on in your relationship and he was so nervous to be sleeping in the same bed as you that he didn't sleep at all. he laid next to you stiffly, unsure of where his arms should be placed or if it was okay to face the same way as you and look at your face so he turned around and tried to keep his nerves down. this worked until you moved closer behind him, snaking your small arms around his tiny waist and intertwining them around his lower belly, burying your head into his back and inhaling softly. if it weren't for the quietness in the room he would have missed your small “s'the matter gukkie?” you whispered against his skin. he shivered before a smile graced his lips and he turned around to face you properly, looking down at the way you buried your head into his chest, your fingers drawing soothing patterns on his lower back subconsciously as you waited for him to answer your question. “nothing love, just can't sleep” he mumbles back as his hand instinctively goes to your hair, moving a few strands away from the part of your face he can see. you finally looked up at him, your eyes tired but he could see a hint of something he couldn’t quite place his finger on. it appeared to be something between love and disbelief, and he gets worried. “what's that look for?” he asks with furrowed brows and you giggle quietly, leaving a kiss to his chest before looking up at him again. “you’re nervous aren’t you? there’s nothing to be worried about gukkie, it’s just like going to sleep at the dorm” you say and now jungkook giggles, bringing you up until your faces are merely inches apart and he places a hand on your cheek, rubbing it. “this is nothing like sleeping at the dorm” he breathes out and you feel a light blush rise up your cheeks. you prod him further, asking him “what does that mean?” which you quickly regret because the next words out of his mouth have you blushing furiously. “because back at the dorm,” he clears his throat before smiling down at your flustered face. “I don’t have my amazing and gorgeous girlfriend laying with me and being all cute, wrapping her arms around me and nuzzling herself into my back” he smiles wide at the blush on your cheeks, continuing to rub at the heated skin until you’re pulling your face away to whine into his chest. “I shouldn’t have asked” you mumble. “it’s true, but since we’re both awake…” he trails off and your head instantly snaps up, your eyes wide at what he could be implying. his eyes widen almost as much as yours when he realizes what you thought he was implying. “o-oh my god no! no that’s not what I meant! oh god..” he mumbles as he turns over and shoves his face into your pillow, letting out a deep sigh. you chuckle before rubbing his back. “awe baby, what did you mean?” you ask with a tilt of your head and jungkook turns his slightly so his voice isn’t muffled by the material of the pillow. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to, I don’t know, sit on the floor and just like, talk?” he asks and you look at him with furrowed eyebrows. “the floor? why the floor? we can just lay in bed and talk” you ask confused and jungkook hides his face again. “cause you have a fluffy rug” and this time you both laugh. “sure, we can sit on the floor” you say before hopping off of your bed and crawling to your rug, patting the spot next to you when jungkook peers over the side of the bed to look at you with wide eyes. “really?” he asks in disbelief and you simply nod before motioning for him to come lay with you. he does so without missing another beat, and the rest of the night is spent with you two laying on the floor, hands intertwined while you share stories and wishes for the future until the rays of morning light begin to break through your blinds and shine upon your entangled bodies, having fallen asleep at some point with your hands still clasped together except now jungkook holds your body close to his, nose in your hair as he inhales softly.

“I'm so gone but I feel alive, never been so high but you keep me climbing”

time stops when jungkook is with you. his members always tease him when he arrives late to practices because he was at your place and lost track of time, but jungkook doesn’t mind it. he loves the feeling of being with you because it always felt like time was frozen in place, like some higher power was granting you two as much time together as possible. jungkook feels it at the most random times as well, when he wakes up before you in the morning, although rare, or when he’s sitting on the counter watching you cook while you sway your hips to the soft lull of the music coming from your living room speakers. he feels it when you step out of the shower in nothing but your towel and how you always blush and tell him to close his eyes so you can get changed. he feels it when you wait up for him at night even though he’s told you before that you should sleep. he feels it when your sitting in the practice room admiring the way his body moves as he dances, catching your entranced glances through the mirror. he feels it when he takes you out late at night for a picnic date at the park. but he feels it the most in the dead of night, when your asleep in his arms and he’s still awake, holding you to his frame tightly as if letting you go would cause you to slip from his grasp. he fears that sometimes he may actually lose you, mostly because of his crazy work schedule and the fact that sometimes he leaves for half a year or longer to tour around the world. but he knows deep down that you would never leave him, that you sit at home and cheer him on from afar, leaving him encouraging messages to wake up to or view before going on stage. jungkook holds onto these frozen moments in time and thinks of them when he’s without you, when he misses your time together the most. they never fail to bring a smile to his face and he can never wait for the moment he gets to experience the feeling all over again. the feeling of time being non existent when he’s with you. the feeling of making memories with you that he will cherish for the rest of his life.