#nctangst

[ronjunnie]

NCT FIC RECOMMENDATIONS

JOHNNY

TAEYONG

YUTA

DOYOUNG

JAEHYUN

JUNGWOO

MARK

HAECHAN

RENJUN

JENO

JAEMIN

CHENLE

JISUNG

KUN

TEN

WINWIN

XIAOJUN

HENDERY

YANGYANG

SION

RIKU

YUSHI

JAEHEE

RYO

SAKUYA

[skzeuphoria-blog]

someone send me requests :) i can write about nct, bts, and stray kids!!

i write smut, fluff, angst, etc...

[cherrygyusworld]

[12:58 am] (m.l)

cherrygyusworld

please don’t copy or rewrite/post as your own. none of the following images are mine; copyright goes to owner! if you’d like to take this idea and use it, that’s fine, but I’d ask that you don’t make the scenario exactly the same and use a different layout. enjoy!

summary | mark calls you one night after the breakup, hoping to say the words he’d never been able to express before. 

category | angst

warnings | none

word count | 585

pairing | mark x fem reader

Mark fumbled with the phone in his hands, tossing and turning in his sleep. In the other room, he could hear his other band members snoring, but he just couldn't seem to get any rest tonight. He was tired, relaxed, and ready to go to bed, but for some reason, sleep just wouldn't come to get him.

Being the overthinker he was, he couldn't help but start regretting the decision to break up. He didn't even know why those words came out of his mouth one day. He didn't even know why he came home and just felt exhausted with you. He didn't even know how he would say such a heartbreaking thing to you. He didn't even know why he claimed to have fallen out of love with you.

Nobody said it out loud, but Mark always knew what they were thinking. They thought he was stupid for letting you go. And Mark couldn't help but agree. Every night since those few weeks ago, he'd fallen asleep with his phone in his hands; tempted to call you but too cowardly to press the button. He knew you hated him, and he didn't think he could bear hearing the venom in your voice.

But for some reason, his hands slowly searched through his contacts again. The route was so familiar that he could probably call you with his eyes closed. He stared at your contact picture; your bright eyes, silky hair, beautiful smile. And his thumb propelled itself towards the call button. He shut his eyes closed as tight as he could when the ringing started.

You picked up after exactly four rings. Mark braced himself for the screaming to begin, calling him a jerk, but that never came.

"Hey," you said. Mark's heart fluttered at your voice. There was no hatred, no accusations, no poison in your voice. Instead, you sounded worried, slightly breathless.

"Mark?" You called again, and this time, a tear crept out from his eye after hearing his name from your lips again. He opened his mouth to say something, but only a silent cry came out.

He could almost feel you looking at the phone screen in confusion. "M-Mark? Are you okay?"

He shook his head, begging you to hear him through the screen. No, I'm not okay. I need you. Please come back.

After moments of silence, a quiet sigh came from the other side of the phone. "Hey, I'm always here if you need me. I don't know why you called. Maybe it was accidental. But I'm just a phone call away."

Mark wanted to say everything. I'm sorry. I never meant to say any of those words, and these past few weeks have been the hardest of my entire life. I miss you so much. Please come back. But whenever he tried to open his mouth, fear of losing you again, hatred for himself, and the cowardly instinct crept up to his heart and stopped him from speaking.

There was silence for another several seconds, and the line went dead. Mark could feel his heart shattering once again, and this time, he could finally let out an audible cry. The first tear he'd let out since the breakup.

"I'm sorry. Please come back."

Little did he know, on the other side of the country, you sat in your bed, staring at your phone screen silently. You were shaking and sobbing, tempted to press the call button again. But you just couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Mark. Please come back."

[seulgiswhoreee]

and now, i fight | johnny (m) (teaser)

pairing: prince!johnny x peasant/rebel!reader

word count: TBD

genre: historical fiction

summary: Prince Johnny J. Suh is one who has been controlled by his parents his entire life. They have limited his childhood, his teen years, and even now, they try to control him as an adult inside their designer castle walls. He wants to break away from them, be free and do his own without worrying about what his parents have to say. What'll happen when he gets the opportunity to join the revolution being staged against them?

warnings: breeding kink, bondage, body worship, master kink, degradation, and praise kink, collaring, dirty talk, face fucking, size kink, bulge kink, orgasm denial, somnophilia, sexy times in the ✨1890s✨, war, basically a Korean version of the American revolution lol, lots and lots of secrets, johnny double-crossing his family, punishment to reader's friends by the royal family, that's it I think lol, absolutely no 1800s talk cuz idrk how they talked back then lol

sneak peek below the bar!! italics is 1895 and normal is present times (1937)

“Mommy, mommy!! Tell us a tale!” The Queen beamed as she strolled into her children’s impressive boudoir, made out of only the finest, most exquisite elements. “What tale would you like to hear tonight, my dears?” The children glance at each other and snicker slightly, “Tell us how you became Queen!!” The Queen raises her eyebrows in shock, “Why would you want to learn about that? I see my busy bees have been doing their research about the monarchy?” The Queen reaches over and ruffles their hair up. “Mhm!” They reply, smiles bright on their faces. “Okay, my little smart cookies. I’ll tell the tale. Our tale begins in March of 1895, the Queen had just thrown a big birthday ball for her only son weeks before…”

The ball was magnificent and festive, striking colors all throughout. And the birthday boy, Prince Johnny J. Suh, clad in the fanciest royal suit anyone had ever seen! He looked dashing, breathtaking even, all of the princesses from different areas wanted him. Yet, he rejected them all. He yearned for a soulmate, a lover, someone to deeply connect with, not some stuck up princess who only wanted him for his dashing looks and riches. He simply refused to dance with anyone and kept to himself the entire night, his night.

Towards midnight, when all of the evil stepsisters had gone to wipe off their hideous makeup and abuse their Cinderella at home, the Queen furiously stalked up to her son, and she slapped him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Johnny J. Suh, I did not raise you to turn down such beautiful women a chance to become your Queen! How am I supposed to trust that you’ll rule our land well when you’re father and I are gone?” He looked down at his feet and quietly grumbled, “It’s not like you really raised me at all.” The Queen almost missed his snarkiness with how quiet he was. Almost. “What did you just say to me? Do not ever disrespect me again, boy, or so help me God-” He grimaced and held his hands protectively in front of his face in annoyance. “I got it, Ma, never disrespect the Queen.. yada yada.” He walked away, getting in the horse carriage designed to take him home. He looked at his mother one last time, who looked at him with swirls of disappointment in her brown eyes, and the horse rode off into the night sky.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope this sneak peak gets y'all excited for this, because I certainly am.

[neocity-sarai]

I Won’t Let You Go

✹ main concept: inspired by the anime “yona of the dawn”

✹ pairing: bodyguard!na jaemin x princess!reader

✹ alerts: mentions of blood, fluff, angst

“Princess, get behind me.”

Being surrounded by dozens of soldiers from the Aeogelius kingdom on a slippery cliff was not the ideal situation you had in mind. Just days ago, you felt as if your beating heart had been ripped out of your chest from seeing the bloodied hands of your childhood best friend and the fallen body of the king- your father. The night before, you had gazed at the translucent, milky-white orb that hung high among the stars while your father tenderly brushed the lilies out of your hair from the day’s ceremony. Now, you try to force yourself to blink away your hot tears and the memory of your father’s dark eyes that were bereft of life. You feel yourself shake from the vertigo as you cling to Jaemin’s sleeve, his strong arm holding you against his chest. You stare up at Jaemin, his eyes cut with a sharp coldness, his jaw clenched with fury as he gripped his steel castillon sword in his other hand. A soldier dressed in black and red robes takes steps towards you, his hands reaching out, “Princess. You must return home at once. We’ve been given orders by the king.”

You flash your eyes at the soldier, scoffing, “You mean the man who murdered my father? He’s no king. He’s a coward and a fool.”

You watch the soldier’s face morph from sympathetic to astringent, his tongue swiping his lip, “I am not asking you again, princess.”

In one abrupt movement, Jaemin advances to the soldier, pointing his silver-melded blade to the curve of the man’s ear, “You’re not taking the princess anywhere. Not unless you’re prepared to lose a limb or two.”

The man in the robes screams as he orders his soldiers to attack Jaemin. Like a strike of lightning, Jaemin clashes his weapon to the flying arrows, dodging the swinging swords that spin around him like a tornado. You stumble backwards from the vision of Jaemin moving his arms with aggressive force, your feet hurting from your worn-down shoes. A man kneels on the cliff’s higher ledge, his bow aimed to Jaemin’s shoulder. You’re too late. The wooden stem collides at Jaemin, causing him to let out a pained shout as you watch his tall figure stagger to his knees. Without hesitation, you run to him, using your hands to support his upper-body while rouge stains the fabric of his cloak. His melanoid eyes plead at you, Jaemin grits his teeth in sheer pain, “Princess, you must run. I’ll hold them off so you can escape!”

You give him a desperate stare, “Jaemin, I’m not letting you go. I’m not leaving. It’s not an option.”

Jaemin’s irises turn angry, the shadows transforming into titian fire, “Don’t be foolish! You want to live don’t you?!”

Stiffening your jaw, you raise a palm to cup the curve of Jaemin’s scarred cheek, “I want you to live on with me! I can’t do this without you I-”

You feel as if you’ll collapse from the harsh impact of Jaemin’s lips on yours. The silvery hairs that shade the lids of his eyes tickle your face, his palm molded to your jaw. His lips feel hot as if they taste like electricity and salt, the sensation ending when he pulls away in haste- leaving the air around you cold. Jaemin gives you a knowing smile before pecking your lips softly, “Wait for me princess. I’ll protect you.”

A cyclone of raging firebolts surrounds Jaemin and the horde of yelling soldiers, their voices are laced with shock, “the lightning beast is upon us.”

[janevx]

maybe| Yuta Nakamoto II

Genre: mafia au, smut, angst

Part1: https://exostoriesbyjuliettx.tumblr.com/post/619291749740937216/maybe-yuta-nakamoto

Soyeon sit down with Yuta infront of her. They still were in Taeyong’s house, and then their gonna go to his house. They have to sign documents and other shit, and then they be able to leave house of NCT’s boss.

— Soyeon, here. 

 She did it. Pact with a devil. She know that there is no way, she have to do it no matter what, her parents don’t deserve to be killed by mafia, because of their daughters.

— Yuta and Soyeon Nakamoto, congratulations.  — Taeil take papers and leave them in living room.

 She was scared, because sitting next to Yuta was really different? He looked at her with killer gaze. 

— So now, you should know what you have to do. First thing is that you gonna be with me at events, you know, mafia and bussines. You have to act pretty, nice, happy wife and talk about me in the best way, don’t you dare to do opposite.  — He looked deep into her eyes .  —  We gonna travel to Japan sometimes, I have some bussines here. You gonna meet with others wifes. It would be nice if you will show them where their place is. You can’t go out without me or mine permission, got it?  — She nodded.  — Sometimes you gonna help me with bussines, you will use your females charms.

— Okay, but what with job? I mean, do I need your permission to go to work?

— It’s okay.  — He smirked.  — You MUSTN’T tell anyone about us and who am I. Haechan will give us our “story” how we met and other shit. You win at lottery, because shopping and staff I’m gonna sponsor so be happy for free life. And I say it again: Don’t you dare to break the rules.

— I understood. I’m not. 

— Good girl. Now let’s go.

 They left Taeyong’s house and went to Yuta’s one. This house was modern, smaller, but cooler. She was in love with this house. They walked in and she feel a little bit confused and stressed. She was never rich person, and house like this was seeing by her only on TV or dreams. 

— Upstairs is our bedroom.

— O-our?  — She groaned.

— We are marriage now, what did you expect?  — He shaked his head.  — I had hoped that you are smart, but now I don’t know.

— It’s not like this.  — She deffend herself  — I thought that we be sleeping in separate rooms..

— This isn’t working out like this, honey.

------------

 The rest of the day she spend being in their bedroom. She was lying down and reading some books. Soyeon still can’t figure it out, that she has husband now. But whats botthers her the most was truth about her sister Jasmin. Her sister was always happy and smiled, but it could be true. Soyeon found out that Jasmin leaves home at midnight and come back about 6 a.m, what was new for her, because she loved sleep a lot and disliked parties.

— About few mintues some friends come to us. You get to know some of my friends.

— Okay.

 She doesn’t want to talk with Yuta a lot. He scared her in any possible way, just look at him. Almost 180cm, thin but with muscles, killer gaze, his facial expression, his style and this suit, hairstyle..Damn, he reallly looks like some mafia guy. 

 Soyeon go to downstairs when she heard a “ding dong”. Infront of her stood two boys. Like she know later this was Doyoung and Mark. But it was girl too. She wasn’t Asian, she looked very beautifull, dark eyes and dark hair, tall, skinny..

— Wow, Yuta! You didn’t say that you hired help. You jerk, you said that you do everything by yourself and you can do it.  — She laughed.  — Please, go make me some coffee. 

 Soyeon was in schock. 

— I’m not help, I am his wife.

 Eyes of this girl get bigger. She looked at Soyeon and then at Yuta. She burst in to laugh. Everyone look at this girl with “wtf” gaze.

— You must be kidding. I thought that you have better taste. I mean, I thought that your wife’ll be look like model and one of the most prettiest girl I have ever seen, not like regular girl form Seoul.  — She still laugh.  — Sorry girl, but Yuta has high standards. What’s change?

It was awkward. Doyoung look at his girlfirend with dissapoint gaze. Katherine was Russian and also was the meanest girl you have ever met. Mark looks at Yuta, Yuta look at Soyeon and Soyeon look at the ground. She was hurt. She knew that she doesn’t stand out from others, but this words..Katherine razed her to the ground. Yuta hates Katherine as well and when he heard this he wanted choke her.

— Have you any problem with my wife? She stands out as well especially next to you. Doyoung you didin’t metioned that you bring your bitch with you.

— Yuta, please, don’t call her bitch, it’s still my girlfriend.

— Just remember Katherine.. If you two gonna break up, Im gonna kill you.

 His voice was strict and though.

— Okay, chill out, yo!  — Mark screamed  — Let’s just drink something and go talk. I really want to get to know your lover. 

 Mark saved situation between them all. Soyeon was confused and this stays in her mind. “I thought you have better taste”, so cruel. 

 But Yuta mean it. He mean it that he is going to kill Katherine if his friend break up with her. She did a lot bad staff for NCT, but she is Doyoung’s girlfirend so at this moment she is untouchable. 

— So, this is Soyeon..

[melonmarky]

something about Jaehyun and pregnant y / n when they had a fight and she got nervous. with a happy ending

words: 909

Genre: drabble, fluff??, angst?? (Idk)

Pairing: boyfriend!jaehyun, pregnant!reader

Author’s Note: I kind of struggled with this but i hope this is along the lines of what you wanted! I suck at fight scenes honestly but oo double jaehyun today 👀

It was nearing the time your and Jaehyun’s baby was to be born. It had been months of boob pain, hurrying to the bathroom every hour, and extra weight on your back but soon it was going to be over. The baby was doing great, you couldn’t wait to finally have them with you. Jaehyun was as excited as you are. He was such an invested dad to be. He had gone to every appointment with you, given you massages when your muscles were sore, and multiple other things to help out. Jaehyun always tried to figure out the timing with work and helping with the pregnancy, which was going great so far. You had an appointment that day and Jaehyun had told you prior to leaving that he would be coming with you after work. You did some simple chores around the house to pass the time. When it was almost time to go you went and got ready. You always liked and looked forward to going to your appointments, it gave you a new insight on your little angel. After a bit you were ready to go, now all you had to do was wait for Jaehyun to come and pick you up. You sat at the couch rubbing your round belly, singing your and Jaehyun’s favorite songs. Kicks from your little one can be felt making you smile. A ding from your phone interrupts your little moment.

Sorry baby I can’t make it to the appointment, I’m working overtime. I’ll make it up to you baby, I promise!

was what the message read. Sure you were sad but it wasn’t a big deal missing just one appointment. Plus you both could use all the money you can get for your new bundle of joy. You go ahead and call your mom to accompany you instead and she picks up, accepting right away. This routine seemingly continued for the next couple of appointments to your dismay. The first couple of times you were calm about it, just calling someone or going by yourself. But at the moment with Jaehyun not going to this latest appointment with you was slowly making you upset. These appointments were important as your child could be born any day now. You sat on the couch sipping on sparkling juice waiting for Jaehyun to come home. You know it was irrational but you couldn’t help but feel annoyed. It could’ve been the abundance of hormones in your body or how uncomfortable you were with your baby pressing against your bladder 24:7 putting you in a bad mood.

“Baby I’m home!” Jaehyun announced as he came in through the front door. You didn’t make an effort to reply back. Thinking the silence was weird Jaehyun walked further into the apartment. He soon saw you on the couch with your back facing him. ”Baby, didn’t you hear me? Well, how is the baby?” Coming around the sofa he sat next to you. “Good” you mumble. “Babe, what’s wrong?” Jaehyun wondered. “Nothing” You stated. He didn’t buy it. “Cmon I know something��s wrong.” He pestered placing his hand on yours. “I’m just a little annoyed that you’ve been so busy lately.” Jaehyun sighs, “Yeah but how else are we going to be able to continue to stay afloat if I don’t work. Plus you haven’t been able to work for a bit too.” “Yeah, obviously I haven’t been able to work look at me I’m 9 months pregnant!” You quipped. “I know, I know baby but I was just pointing something out,” Jaehyun explained. “Well can you not bring it up please, I already feel bored not working anymore.” You blurted and with that, you get up from the couch and head straight into your shared bedroom shutting the door. “Baby!” Jaehyun called to you.

You guys didn’t talk to each other for a few hours now. In that time you had some contractions making a bit nervous but they weren’t something to worry about. Your midwife had told you about false labor and these contractions and taught you breathing techniques for dealing with them. Taking that time alone you reflected and new you were overreacting but you just couldn’t control your emotions at this point. You would need to learn to control them soon. Sighing you knew you should go to apologize to Jaehyun for your small outburst. Getting up from the comfort of your bed you head toward the bedroom door. Before you could open the door, three knocks sounded followed by the voice of your loving boyfriend. “Baby, I don't know if you want to talk to me right now but i wanted to let you know that dinner is ready, I’ll go back to the kitchen now.” Footsteps follow after. You swing open the door and go after him grabbing his arm. He turned toward you and looked at you with a loving look. “I’m sorry, I was overreacting. I guess my emotions are just all over the place with this pregnancy. Can you forgive me?.” You suggest taking both of your hands in his. “Yes, I’ll forgive you.” Jaehyun went down and pecked your lips, placing a hand on your cheek. The both of you looked into each other's eyes, and the moment seemed to never end. Suddenly the most painful pain shot in your lower stomach. You bend in pain. “B-Baby are you okay, what’s happening?!” Jaehyun stammered. “Get ready cause the baby’s coming.”

[midnightsthinkers]

i actually really love reading fanfics! Does anyone has some really good recs for me?

[themjamstho]

Simple Love

Genre: Fluff, Angst if you squint, Action, Mafia!au

Pairing: Reader x YangYang

Warnings: Shitty action scenes lmao

Note: This is for you @girlinblackcoat​ !! Happy birthday! I really hope you enjoy this bro cause I feel like this could suck a cow’s ass djdjsjjsjwjdj okie byeieiie

Loving him was easy for you, hell, it was for everyone. His sweet smile contrasted with his piercing gaze. A strong build and an intimidating aura contrasting with his quite obvious soft spot for you. Yeah, you were definitely in deep.

It was really simple to love him, really, but you have to admit that the first time you found out that he was part of a mafia that was infamous and feared in all of the world, you were a tad bit scared, an understatement, obviously. The first time he told you, you felt a chill run up your spine followed by the weird excitement of having to live dangerously. 

You were stupid, though. You backed away with tears in your eyes and disbelief and ran out of the house that you shared with your boyfriend, YangYang.

___________

Of course, that happened a year ago and you still wonder why you overreacted when you had been expecting something along the lines of him being in a mafia, considering he stayed out late at nights and returned home at unholy hours with his face decorated with deadly bruises, sometimes so stressed that you found your body aching the next morning. That still didn’t help the unsettling feeling in your heart. You loved him so much and your heart hurt when you saw him in a disheveled state, yet never once questioned him. 

You and YangYang were partners in crime, always did everything together, sharing the same interests. So, it wasn’t a surprise to him when you told him that you wanted in as well. His primary instinct was to say no at first but when your competitive nature kicked in with the mixture of your too often adrenaline rush, you showed him the Taekwondo skills you always told him about, which he always brushed off. He was quite impressed to say the very least, aroused even, finding you attractive. Still, it wasn’t enough to convince him, because the one thing he would never compromise was your safety. He’d always take a bullet for you gladly and he let you know it every day with his daily ‘I love you’s. 

“No, no fucking way are you doing this. Do you have any idea what might happen to you? I don’t want to see you hurt in any way. God, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if anything did happen to you.”, he said with furrowed eyebrows and a frown that you wanted to kiss away.

“Please, love, let me. I won’t ever be unsafe with you by my side. I know that you’ll always protect me, and this way, I’ll always protect you. Besides, I can definitely take a hit or two considering how I’m probably better in endurance than you.”, he laughed, “Please, baby.” He saw how you used that irresistible pout of yours to which he never failed to give in. You were serious about this. 

“I don’t know.” He dragged out, unsure, but half convinced. You knew you had majorly convinced him and it only took a few more words to assure him.

____________

“Hey, go behind the pillar on your left, I’ll cover you. We can’t let Kevin get away with those files.” You nodded and swifted towards the pillar as you were instructed by YangYang, skillfully dodging the bullets coming your way. You saw how he shot down two men who were aiming at you from the second floor of the building, and turned back to send a flying kiss at him before reverting your attention to the task at hand.

Another year had went by and you already made it to the alpha squad purely because of your skills, however, some of your colleagues thought that it was because of your boyfriend and not your abilities. Bullshit, your boyfriend called, and always defended you from their harsh words.

You were currently in a crossfire, accompanied by your squad, called WayV, with YangYang leading the mission. You had to retract some important files which held your mafia’s trade records with a rivalling group called NCT 127. These files, they were extremely important since they formed the basis of your gang’s plan for the next half a decade, a golden plan to help you strive. The files were held in possession of a dealer, Kevin, and his team of world class criminals. He planned of developing a gang of his own, which you couldn’t let happen.

Observing Kevin’s movements, you moved forward to hide behind a tipped over table and perfectly timed it so, when he ran in front of you, you shouted, “Cover!”, and ran after him. 

Jumping high with the help of an upright chair, you aimed your leg at his back, forging forward with great speed, stricking him in his back, resulting in a disturbing cracking sound followed by a thump which indicated that he had fallen to the ground, immobile. As if on cue, the raging war of bullets from one side to the other had stopped, there was complete silence for a good minute before your beloved snaked an arm around your waist and turned you around, “God, you’re hot.”, you chuckled and pecked him on the lips multiple times for the compliment, and because of how enticing he looked, but you’d never admit that.

“I told you this was good idea.”, you said with a mocking smirk which only worsened his state. 

“Oh, honey, you’re in for a long night.”, replied with a smirk of his own, pulling you closer.

It genuinely was simple to love him. The complicated situation you got yourself into only made it easier.

[imoonstarstuff]

Mark looks like that one Asian kid in middle school that dyes their hair every 2 seconds

[vivsivan]

9:26

Its been years now since you've last seen Donghyuck. He was your childhood sweetheart who want the world to hear his voice so when he passed the auditions, you didnt know that was the last day you'll ever see him again.

[neotextmessages]

♡you break up with NCT’s JAEHYUN♡

-D 🌸

[tomoonlightdoyoung]

Broken without you | k.d.

[3:24 a.m.]

You hadn't been getting much sleep lately and your eyebags were growing bigger and bigger. It had been hard to fall asleep lately.

You put the almost empty cup of milk on your night-stand and crawl into bed.

Your hand falls on the empty side of the bed, where your boyfriend used to be.

You get flashbacks of Doyoung and you cuddling and laughing as he brings you closer to him.

You could feel the tears well up in your eyes. "Don't cry," you whispered to yourself, " you'll be okay." You tried to convince yourself. Eventually the tears fell and you were hugging your knees.

" I miss you Doyoung-ie," you cried.

You grabbed and hugged the picture frame of Doyoung's smiling face.

“You didn’t deserve to die.”

[johnnq]

not my type

[9:25am] growing up in your hometown was certainly an experience to say the least. living in the middle of nowhere with barely three friends, and a crush that disappeared at the worst times was not your idea of a perfect or even acceptable childhood, and even though you craved to break free and escape, you couldn't.

up until you were sixteen, you'd been ready to up and leave whenever you got the first chance. fuck this school, fuck this town and fuck everyone in it, you thought to yourself.

that was until that godforsaken night.

it started like a normal saturday evening would, you and your best friend attending a party that someone you vaguely knew, was throwing.

renjun was there was normal. your crush since kindergarten and the boy you spent many of your early years quarelling over broken lego houses and who got the first milk carton at lunch.

of course, renjun was now more of a stranger to you than most of the rest of the people in the room at this point, since after those years were over; he ditched you for a better group, and he never looked back.

the night quickly turned into something else, not a party, but an attempt to try your luck with him.

what you didn't know, is that by the end of the night you'd have his lips on yours, followed by the words 'i love you', in a parking structure of the residents of an apartment complex neither of you lived at.

the next morning, the only thing you had to piece together the night previous were photos of you and him from your adventures and a pounding headache.

you were both stumbling dumbly and completely intoxicated, renjun's figure relying on yours for balance as you both attempted to find a place to sit. deciding that the street and your house were not suitable, you both spotted a parking structure that looked to be open and unsupervised, perfect for you to both get up to all sorts.

reaching the first or second floor (you couldn't really remember) renjun made quick work of climbing onto a power generator that you assumed was keeping your shenanigans well-lit, and perching himself on it.

it took you a good twenty minutes of pleading and giggling for him to finally get down and stand at your level again, but once he did, the look in his eyes was unmistakable. he was staring at you, right in the eyes, and he was scanning your face, taking in every single little detail.

"you're beautiful. has anyone ever told you that?" he remarks, barely above a whisper.

you blush. "not many have.. a couple but nobody usually means it."

he brushes your hair back behind your eyes and smiles. in that moment, he seemed so serious that you could of sworn he was just completely sober and wanted to screw with you and pretend he was drunk, but he really was, he was just.. a good actor.

"well, i mean it." he says after a few seconds of silence, moving closer to you and placing his lips on yours.

the kiss was as good as it could of been for two people who were really drunk, but this felt real; raw, honest, realistic.

"i.. love you." he declares once the kiss ends.

but things didn't quite go the way you thought they would.

after that night, he doesn't call you, he doesn't text you, hell - he doesn't even smile at you in the hallway at school. he just does exactly as he always did, nothing. you wonder if maybe he just doesn't remember, or if he's too embarrassed to confront the situation and sort it out.

what you quickly learnt is that he did remember it, but what you weren't sure of was the reason he hadn't done anything about it.

at the next party you both went to, you kissed again, and the next party, and the next... it became the norm for you both to share a night of what seemed to everyone to be passion or love, and then never say anything about it the next day.

it became a game of who would crack first and say something, but neither of you did.

it didn't matter if he reached his hand down into your jeans and touched you, because the next day it was as if it didn't happen at all.

for a while it was just fun, both of you not having to admit feelings for each other and commit, but as it went on you realised it was messing with your head.

at a party you were both at, a familiar setting that would usually result in you going out the back and doing the usual, you stopped him from doing anything.

"why are we doing this?" you abruptly question him.

"w-..what do you mean?" he stutters nervously, looking over to his right at a girl standing with a group of friends.

"why do you keep kissing me.. touching me and then pretending like you never did? what are we renjun?" you continue, getting slightly agitated.

he sighs and continues staring in her direction, barely paying attention to you.

"friends, duh." he replies after a few seconds. you can see that he's clearly more interested in staring than actually giving you full attention, so you decide to really test his loyalties.

"so that's why we were inches from each other last week and you were whispering in my ear about how you wanted me right there right then? do you even want to keep doing this renjun? you're just using me."

"no, it's not that.. you're just not really my type." your lifetime crush, renjun breaks to you gently.

"apparently i am when you're drunk though, or when you see a girl and you wanna make her jealous huh? then you're all over me, but as soon as there's no reason to pretend, im suddenly just a friend and nothing more." you spit out in response, trying your best to make sure he knows you're pissed, and exactly why.

he stutters, barely able to form a full sentence, probably because he can't quite give you a good enough response. he knows what you said is true, and he's still staring at the girl he's been eyeing since the conversation started.

"i-i.. y/n.." he barely manages, looking off to the side hoping that his brain will suddenly help him find the words he needs to say.

you grip the drink you're holding a little tighter and storm off, opting to sit at a secluded area off to side of where you usually went with renjun, the smoking area.

before you started this.. this thing with renjun, you'd never touched a cigarette a day in your life. but since he'd reappeared in your life, you started using smoking as a release for when you really just wanted nothing more than to punch his stupid little cute face

he played you. your mind screams at you as you take a drag of your cigarette and a sip of your vodka and coke.

in a sudden fit of rage, you throw the glass at the ground, hearing it smash and seeing it break into tiny little pieces, the glass gleaming in the moonlight.

reaching into your pocket you pull out a letter. how clichè of you. the letter had on it all of your feelings towards renjun and all of the things you wished you could say to him but never had the courage to.

"won't be needing this anymore." you tell yourself, scrunching it up into a ball and throwing it to the floor. gripping your lighter and lighting your cigarette again as well as taking a drag, you reach down and flicker the lighter up against the paper, watching the small flame you unleashed set the whole letter on fire, the flames destroying every handwritten word you'd idiotically scrawled the night before.

standing up and deciding the best course of action is to go home and sleep it off, you resist the temptation to get even more drunk and you head home, leaving the charred letter where you dropped it.

"i didn't need him then, and i don't need him now."

[hazylucas]

[10:42 pm] as you lay in bed, you can’t help but wonder how it would be like if you never moved away from lucas. if there was a chance that you could make things work. but now that time is over, and he's become a stranger.

[strawberryhoonie]

okay wait fr doe, if i actually knew how to speak korean i’d probably be best friends with donghyuck. the tea ladies 🐸☕️.