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weirdkpopgirl · 1 year ago

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My First | Renjun Fic #2

Title: My First

Genre: high school au, angst

Warnings: mentions of self-harm, divorce, abusive parent. please don't read if any of these topics make you uncomfortable

Word Count: ~13k

Author's Note: I originally posted this book on wattpad, but not many people read it. So I decided to consolidate the book into a full-length fic to post here on tumblr and my nct dream book on wattpad. I wrote this story years ago, inspired by a brief crush I had in high school. I really hope you guys like this story ^ ^

P.S. there may or may not be a sequel to this 😅

*song mentioned is Sorry Heart by NCT Dream*

𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪

A small high school reunion was underway, hosted by Lee Haechan at a fried chicken restaurant he had opened some time ago. Even amidst his hectic commitments, Rejun made sure with his managers that his schedule would be done by the evening. After all, he couldn’t miss this occasion. Not when this was his chance to see her again.

He discreetly entered the restaurant, donning a mask and a black cap to maintain his anonymity until he had fully entered the premises.

Suddenly, he heard the voice of his old friend exclaim, “There he is! The global K-pop sensation!”

Renjun chuckled bashfully as a wave of applause and cheers echoed Haechan's proclamation. Taking a seat, he scanned the room, searching for a familiar face among his former classmates.

“She should be here soon,” Haechan whispered, his hand resting on Renjun’s shoulder as a glass of soju was poured for him. Renjun nodded and allowed himself to unwind for the time being.

After a few drinks, the restaurant's front doors chimed, and Renjun swiftly turned his head to witness the entrance of two individuals. And there she stood, nearly everything about her appearance was the same since high school. Her hair remained long, now adorned with a reddish hue. The melancholy that once clouded her eyes was replaced with a sparkle he never saw in her before. The smile he loved so much hadn’t changed at all. Yet, he knew that smile on her face wasn’t because of him. But it was because of the man whose gentle hand rested on her back.

Renjun couldn't deny that the sight caused a subtle ache within him, breaking his heart a little. He guessed he deserved this feeling though. Especially considering he was the one who had broken hers in the first place.

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She remembered the first time she laid eyes on him, a memory that stood apart from his initial introduction as a transfer student from Jilin, China, at the beginning of high school. She had been rather inattentive back then. This was that one moment when she truly noticed him.

In her oblivious state, she hadn't even realized they lived in the same neighborhood until that day. As was her usual routine, she got off the bus, and there he was, standing at the crosswalk.

Initially, she was about to walk straight to her house without a second thought. But her steps halted when she witnessed an elderly lady struggling with several heavy grocery bags. It was evident that the weight was taking a toll on her. Before she could rush to her assistance, the boy beat her to it.

“Halmeoni,” he spoke kindly, offering a warm smile, “Let me help you.”

He gently took the bags from the lady's hands, and the woman chuckled, tenderly pinching his cheek. She observed them strolling down the street, engaged in cheerful small talk. Their smiles were infectious, and she found herself smiling too.

As they completed their short trip across the street and exchanged farewells, he seemed to sense someone's gaze upon him. Before she could react, their eyes met. In that instant, her brain went into a mild panic, and she turned away, hurrying home without looking back.

No, it wasn't as though she had fallen head over heels for him on that day. Such emotions didn't come easily to her, it seemed. She had simply become more aware of his existence. Unfortunately, she had never mustered the courage to strike up a conversation with the boy. Despite attending the same school, she was absorbed in her studies and lacked the confidence to approach him. The art of making friends was something she had never been adept at.

She didn’t bother to say anything to him in school and she didn’t expect him to either. But for some reason, knowing that bothered her. She couldn't quite explain the feeling. After all, she didn't know him beyond that one act of kindness, even though she was sure it wasn't his first.

Little did she realize that this encounter had only marked the beginning of their story.

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She remembered the next day when he stepped into their homeroom. Their eyes met once more, a scene that could have been plucked from a cliché K-drama. For precisely three seconds, she maintained eye contact with him before her gaze dropped to her desk.

That was the day she finally recalled his name when the teacher called for attendance – Huang Renjun. If not for his introduction, she might have not realized he was Chinese. Partially because she had initially believed his last name to be Hwang. His Korean proficiency further blurred the lines, matching her own.

Each time Renjun spoke in class, she couldn't help but be impressed by his fluency. A classmate mentioned that he had taken Korean as an elective at his previous school.

Nonetheless, she didn't engage in much conversation with him in the early days of the school year, despite the fact that they shared a classroom nearly every day, with their desks not being too distant from each other. Their circles of friends were also closely-knit. Besides the few friends she had made at school, she rarely ventured to talk to anyone else.

However, she found herself unable to cease her contemplation of him. Occasionally, her gaze would stray from her textbook, and she'd spot the dark brown-haired boy a few desks ahead. A slight lean to the left allowed her to observe him diligently taking notes during the teacher's lectures.

Before Renjun, she had never really paid attention to boys. To this day, she remained uncertain about what exactly drew her to him. Perhaps it was his refined facial features, their shared artistic inclinations, or the way he displayed irritation and endearing cuteness when angered. It might have been the enchanting hums he produced while listening to songs from his playlist on their bus rides home.

Some might have labeled her an obsessive stalker, but anyone would have noticed the same subtle details if they had taken a second to observe him. Living in the same neighborhood and attending the same school merely facilitated this connection.

Renjun and she were so close, yet so far away at the same time.

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She remembered their first real encounter quite fondly. It occurred close to the second month of school when one of her friends attempted to persuade her into joining their study group.

“You should join us, (Y/n),” her friend said, trying to convince her for the nth time.

She nervously bit her lip and hesitated, “I don't know…”

Her study habits usually involved solitary efforts or the occasional study session with a single companion. The idea of meeting up with a group of unfamiliar faces didn't particularly appeal to her.

Furthermore, her friend mentioned that part of the reason for forming this study group was to create opportunities for getting closer to some of the cute and popular guys in their homeroom. She couldn't shake the feeling that they wouldn't be doing much actual studying.

“Can you at least come to one meeting?” her friend implored, holding up a single finger. “That's all I'm asking for!”

Reluctantly, she ended up agreeing because she didn’t want to disappoint her friend. After all, she knew that friend would never lead her into doing something crazy. Thus, she arrived at the cafe with the intention of sitting at the end of the table, where she could quietly focus on her studies and avoid interaction with the rest of the group as much as possible.

As much as she had hesitated about attending, she had always been an early bird when it came to events like this. Tardiness had always been one of her pet peeves. Little did she anticipate being one of the first to arrive.

To her luck, the one other person already present was him.

Her body froze as she entered the moment she saw Renjun seated at the empty table with his books spread out before him. He wore a light orange hoodie and round-shaped glasses. Her eyes shifted to the white sweatshirt she was wearing, and she habitually adjusted her own glasses, no longer self-conscious about dressing casually.

Noticing that he wasn't by himself anymore, Renjun's eyes met hers once more. It felt reminiscent of a few weeks ago, but she couldn't tell if he recognized her. Unlike the last time, she managed to resist the impulse to run away when he spoke first.

“Are you here for the study group too?” he inquired.

For some inexplicable reason, words failed to escape her lips, so she simply nodded in response.

Renjun’s smile put her at ease, “That's a relief. I was beginning to worry that I was pranked into coming here alone.”

“Oh, I see…” She awkwardly averted her gaze, focusing on her shoes, unable to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds.

He gestured to the chair beside him, “Um— you can sit here if you want.”

Taking a deep breath, she composed herself before taking a seat. She did her best to collect her thoughts and not appear foolish.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she set her bag down.

Swiftly, she retrieved her homework, diverting her attention from the boy next to her. However, as she did so, her gaze accidentally met him once again. His smile was far warmer than she had imagined it to be.

"You're Kim (Y/n), right?"

“You know me?” The surprise must have been evident on her face because Renjun regarded her as if she had asked an obvious question.

“Of course. We’re in the same class, and I've seen you in my neighborhood a few times,” he explained. “How would I not know you?”

It dawned on her that she wasn't the only one who had noticed those coincidences that connected them. He had been aware of her existence all along. There was no reason for her to have felt invisible. Why had she entertained such thoughts before?

“Oh, right,” her eyes dropped to her homework in embarrassment.

Renjun chuckled and tapped his pencil on her notebook, “Did you understand the math homework?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she replied as she skimmed over the math problems they had to solve.

Math wasn't her strongest subject, but it wasn't her weakest either. The same could be said for her other classes. She excelled in any class related to the fine arts.

“I'm not sure when the others are going to get here,” Renjun remarked, “So do you want to work on this and check our answers together?”

“Oh— sure,” she said, picking up her pencil, relieved to finally engage in productive work. She had been worried that attending this gathering would be a waste of study time.

However, she and Renjun were both diligent students, sharing the same goal of completing their work as efficiently as possible.

Working together in a tranquil atmosphere, she started to relax. But, eventually, their friends began to arrive.

“Oh, you guys are here already!” the friend who had invited her exclaimed. She sighed, a tad disappointed that everyone was here now. Still, she concealed her frustration with a smile and waved at her friend.

The study group unfolded precisely as she had expected, with little actual studying being accomplished. Most of the group members engaged in chatter and jokes. Renjun and she, on the other hand, remained seated at the corner of the table, quietly working on their homework and occasionally helping each other if they encountered difficulties.

After about two hours, everyone started to disperse. It was already dark outside as she stepped out. Since they were both headed in the same direction, Renjun suggested they take the bus together. He gave the excuse that it would be dangerous for her to go home alone.

With rosy cheeks, she glanced down at her shoes and allowed him to accompany her to the bus stop. His actions reinforced her initial impression of Renjun as a kindhearted person.

Upon boarding the bus, few words were exchanged. Yet, the silence between them didn't feel as awkward as it had earlier. She gazed out of the bus window, watching as cars and buildings passed by. Occasionally, she noticed him stealing glances in her direction from the corner of her eye, and she hesitantly turned around once, only for him to quickly avert his gaze. Perhaps her initial interpretation had been mere wishful thinking.

Her attention returned to the window, and she couldn't help but smile, reflecting on the subtle shade of red that colored his cheeks. It was undeniably cute.

As they disembarked from the bus, Renjun scratched his head and avoided her gaze.

"I guess I'll see you at school on Monday?"

She slowly nodded, "Yeah."

"I guess I'll get going then."

Before she could watch him leave, she suddenly called out, “Wait!”

When he turned back to look at her, she smiled bashfully, “It was nice to meet you, Huang Renjun.” In return, he offered a smile just as warm as the first time.

“Same to you, Kim (Y/n).”

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She remembered the change when she returned to school on Monday. Upon entering the classroom, Renjun warmly waved at her, and she shyly waved back before taking her seat. It felt peculiar to have someone other than Soojin greet her with such enthusiasm.

After their last class of the day, Renjun approached her desk with hesitation, inquiring whether she'd be interested in studying together more often. He mentioned that they got along well and he felt more comfortable studying with her rather than with the group from the previous day. The fact that Huang Renjun, whom she had never interacted with before, was extending this invitation felt unfamiliar.

“There's a library near the school where we can go,” he mumbled nervously, his confidence waning with each word.

In retrospect, she realized she should have declined at that moment, perhaps questioning why he wanted to spend time with her of all people. Turning him down then might have shielded her from the tangled web she was about to weave.

However, she couldn't resist a shy smile and accepted his invitation. Her rationale was that she preferred studying with one person over a large group, but also because she saw an opportunity to get to know the intriguing boy who had captured her curiosity.

Her hopes were met, as they began meeting at the library once a week to do homework or prepare for exams. Once a week quickly escalated to twice a week, and soon, they were seeing each other nearly every weekend.

Through those encounters, she learned quite a bit about Renjun, and she believed he was also getting to know her, to some extent. It would be a while before he truly understood her.

“Hey (Y/n),” he said one day, his tone laced with concern. “You're not usually this quiet. Are you okay?”

Lifting her head from her laptop, she met his worried expression, the first time she noticed how his chocolate brown eyes sparkled when the light hit just right. His soft gaze made her want to answer honestly, but she had grown accustomed to concealing her true feelings, even from herself. So, she responded with the same excuse she used whenever her friend posed that question.

“Oh, I'm... I'm just tired, that's all! I'm fine.”

He nodded and returned to his work without further inquiry, though she could sense his desire to probe deeper. Several such instances occurred between them, but she always held back, no matter how much she longed to reveal her true thoughts.

At times, she found herself wishing they hadn't crossed paths from the beginning.

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She remembered returning home each day, where her school life came to a pause and her personal life resumed. Upon entering through the front door, she was met by a towering stack of boxes and several others that crowded one end of the sofa. To any guest, it would appear as though they were in the middle of moving. However, they weren't. At least not at the time.

Ironically, despite her typically organized and minimalist lifestyle, she was no longer fazed by the clutter. Kicking off her well-worn sneakers and placing them on the shoe tray, she hung up her jacket and felt a wave of relief as she discarded her bag.

She picked up her bag once more, intending to carry it upstairs to her room. Just as she reached the top of the stairs, a voice interrupted her.

“Kim (Y/n). You don't even say hi to your mother?”

She held back from scoffing as her mother walked past her. Shaking her head, she continued to ignore her, as was her usual practice, and pushed open the door to her room. Her bag fell to the floor in the corner by her desk.

There was nothing particularly noteworthy about her room. She owned only the essentials: a bed, a dresser, an alarm clock, and a desk. However, it was the only place where the real her was revealed, not the persona she presented to the world, nor the facade of strength she wore despite being the weakest person she knew.

Taking a seat in front of her desk on the swivel chair, she sighed. Slowly, her hand reached for her sleeve and began rolling it up, revealing scars that had yet to fully heal. Ugly slashes of red and pink extended from her upper arm and stopped halfway at her forearm.

Laughing to herself, she clenched her fists. These scars served as a reminder of her brokenness.

Even someone like Huang Renjun couldn't rescue her from herself.

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She remembered the day after school when she was listening to music while waiting for the bus. As she scrolled through her saved albums, a message notification unexpectedly appeared.

Mom: (Y/n), I've started applying for job opportunities, but I'll also be receiving financial support from your father before leaving him. If you move in with me, you can have your own room and everything

After reading the message once, she took a deep breath and swiped it away. Gently inserting her earbuds into her ears, she turned up the volume on her phone, allowing the current song to engulf her ears, if only for a few minutes, to temporarily forget everything. However, her solitude was soon disrupted by someone taking a seat next to her at the bus stop. She immediately recognized him as Renjun.

“What are you listening to?” he asked.

She removed one earbud and handed it to him, inviting him to listen along with her. He smiled and plugged the earbud into his left ear.

“Oh, I know this song.” His eyes lit up as he began to sing along. The current track playing was “Don’t Go” by EXO.

While he sang, she stared at him in a daze. “I didn't know you could sing,” she mumbled when the song ended.

Blushing, he cast his eyes downward. “I used to dream of becoming a singer like Rain or someone.”

“Do you not want to be a singer anymore?”

With some hesitation, he responded, “Entering the entertainment field is risky. The chances of someone like me getting in and achieving success are quite low.”

Before she could offer a proper reply, the bus arrived, momentarily interrupting their conversation. As they took their seats, Renjun began recommending songs and other artists she should explore. Nevertheless, her thoughts kept returning to what he had said earlier. She understood why he held those reservations. Someone as cautious as herself couldn't disagree.

That summer, she and Renjun spent a lot of time together. There were no formal plans or scheduled meetups; their interactions occurred naturally. If she was in one place, he would show up, and vice versa. In their moments alone, he would sing a few songs when she asked.

Unbeknownst to her, she found herself captivated by his voice. It was so clear and pleasant to the ear. She struggled to comprehend why he had abandoned his dream of becoming a singer, as it was evident that singing brought him immense joy.

“Your voice is so beautiful,” she mustered the courage to tell him one day. “I think if you debuted as a k-pop idol, you'd definitely make it.”

He looked up and smiled at her. “Thank you for saying that. But I believe it's wiser for me to attend university and secure a well-paying job.”

“You want to be just like everyone else?" she asked, wondering in the back of her mind if her question sounded too critical.

Renjun sighed, “It's a naive dream that's long behind me now. It doesn't matter anymore.”

Her lips formed a frown at his words, but she refrained from further comment. At the time, he seemed resolute in his choices. She had even thought to herself that perhaps it was for the best. If he had become a famous singer, he might have forgotten all about her.

Little did she know then how their lives would ultimately unfold, marked by contradictions.

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She remembered the last weekend before school was set to begin again. It was the first time she had been invited to his house, as his parents were away on a short trip to China, and he sought company. The idea of being alone with him at his place was intimidating, so she was relieved to find that he had also invited another friend to join them.

“Ugh, thank goodness you're here,” Renjun sighed in relief as he opened the door for her. “Haechan and I were arguing over which movie to watch.”

Trying to stifle a smile, she rolled her eyes as she closed her umbrella and removed her wet shoes. She often found it amusing how Renjun and Haechan could switch from arguing to being the best of friends in the blink of an eye.

“(Y/n), back me up here!” Haechan implored when he saw her enter the room. “On a rainy day like this, we have to watch a horror movie.”

She had known Lee Haechan since kindergarten, and even then, he was quite popular among the kids due to his outgoing personality. However, she hadn't interacted much with him until Renjun befriended her. Haechan started tagging along when they hung out, not wanting to be left out.

Despite Haechan's love for provoking Renjun, he was much kinder to her. He would often try to get her to defend him when he got Renjun angry. Naturally, the three of them ended up spending more time together than with their regular friend group.

“It's my house!” Renjun complained. “And I don't want to watch a horror movie.”

Haechan flashed a teasing glint in his eyes. “Oh. You're probably too scared to watch one.”

“I never said that I was scared,” Renjun turned to her. “Let’s just have (Y/n) choose the movie.”

Her cheeks warmed from the sudden attention. Their arguments typically ended with her being the one to make the final decision. So, she suggested a compromise: they could watch one horror movie and one of Renjun's choices. The boys looked at each other and had a moment of realization.

She had to admit it was quite amusing to watch Renjun and Haechan scream at the scary parts and laugh in embarrassment during the second movie. The two of them got into a spat when Haechan spilled popcorn on Renjun, leading to more bickering that she had to mediate. Sometimes she wondered if they were really in high school.

By the time they finished both movies, they noticed the storm hadn't shown any signs of letting up. Renjun suggested that they sleep over for the night, deeming it too risky to venture out in the rain.

Haechan eventually dozed off, leaving Renjun and her as the only ones still awake. They sat on the floor in front of the sofa, contemplating what to do. After a few awkward silences, Renjun cleared his throat.

“Do you want to see some of my old pictures?” she nodded eagerly in response.

He got up and retrieved a light brown photo album, which took her by surprise as she hadn't expected him to have so many pictures. They sat closer together, and he began to show her the photos.

“These are my parents,” Renjun gestured to the image in the top left corner. “And that's my grandfather over there.”

She beamed when she noticed a school photo of a younger Renjun on the next page. Glancing up at him, she commented, “I didn't know you had a snaggletooth.”

“Oh, yeah, I did,” Renjun shyly rubbed the back of his neck.

He pointed to his current smile, showing her his perfectly straight teeth. “But I have lingual braces now, so it's not there anymore.”

“But why? You looked so cute!" she said, saving herself from admitting she found him cute no matter what.

He sighed, “Only you would say that. If Haechan saw this, I wouldn't hear the end of it.”

They continued to browse through the photos, and she paused at one page, her thumb resting on a polaroid at the bottom right. A younger Renjun sat on a bench, with a girl beside him.

"Who is this?" she asked in a softer tone, without realizing it.

Renjun gazed at the photograph with a hint of hesitation. Without uttering a word, she could tell that a whirlwind of emotions and memories had unintentionally resurfaced.

“She was my first love back in my hometown,” Renjun sighed. “Our parents were good friends, so we knew each other from a young age.”

“We only dated for a year. But back then, I used to think nothing could ever separate us.” He wore a nostalgic smile that quickly faded. Evidently, his youthful hopes hadn't materialized as he had wished.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” she asked cautiously. Renjun paused and briefly looked at her.

“My dad got a new job here in Seoul, so we moved in the middle of tenth grade,” he explained. “I promised her... I promised her that we could still be together, that we could make it work.”

She could see the regret and sorrow pooling in his eyes. “But the last time we talked, she told me she couldn't handle a long-distance relationship. So she broke up with me.”

That final sentence felt both empty and painful. She couldn't fathom how much he must have suffered. Neither of them spoke for a while, until she mustered the courage to ask how he coped with it all.

“To be honest, it was tough in the beginning,” Renjun admitted. “But recently, I haven't been thinking about her as much.”

She shouldn't have allowed herself to feel hope upon hearing those words. “Have you moved on since then?”

“It still hurts from time to time,” he spoke honestly. “I cared about her a lot.”

“That's understandable,” she whispered. “Do you think you'll ever get over her?”

She tried to read his eyes when he looked back at her, but it was impossible. Instead, he shrugged. “I want to, but I'm not sure if I can.”

From that moment on, she should have given up, knowing that she never had a chance to begin with.

Maybe then, she could have prevented all the heartbreak she had set herself up for.

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She remembered that one morning when she was getting ready for school. As she went to leave her things near the door, she heard her mother's footsteps emerging from the kitchen. Her mother's hair was disheveled, and she had gained weight from all the delivery food she had been eating. She couldn't remember the last time her mother had cooked.

“(Y/n),” her mother reached for her, but she instinctively backed away. The desperation on her mother's face quickly shifted to irritation.

“I'm your mother, I gave birth to you. Is this how you treat me?”

“Eomma—”

But her mother continued, “How awful it is that you've turned out to be just like your abusive father. I can't believe he's brainwashed you.”

Anyone else listening might have thought she was a madwoman. Her mother had become a stranger to her.

“Appa has not abused you. No one is abusing you,” she tried to maintain her patience. “Eomma, you need help. You're not—”

“SHUT UP!” Her mother screamed, causing her to flinch. “You don't know what you're talking about. How dare you disrespect me?”

The heat of anger flushed her face. She yearned to scream back at her mother and tell her to stop, but she knew it would only add fuel to the fire. It wasn't worth it.

Before her mother walked away, she said something that she had been hearing frequently lately. “You know what? Sometimes I wish I wasn't your mother.”

Her fingers curled into fists. Her mom was always adept at being manipulative. As a teenager, she did her best to take her mother's insults maturely. But when someone you love hurls those words at you every day, it slowly chips away at you.

All she could see was red after that argument. She remembered searching for her razor blade and making multiple slashes across her arm when she found it. She didn't care about the stinging pain of the cuts or the fresh, warm blood trickling down her arm. Her thoughts were clouded with fury. She was furious at her mother for behaving like a child and at her father for allowing it to happen. She was furious at herself for not being able to do anything. Every night, she was kept awake by her mother's shouting, harassing her father for no apparent reason.

Trembling with anger, she walked to school. All the pent-up pain and bitterness were bubbling to the surface. She had tried so hard to be strong for her father and everyone else, believing she could handle everything on her own.

By the time she arrived at class that day, she could barely hold herself together. She kept her head down to conceal the evidence of her tears. She took her seat at her desk and tried to regain her composure, determined not to let anyone see the real her, the one filled with bitterness and misery.

“Morning, (Y/n),” she heard his voice calling out to her. Renjun's desk was near the front, by the window, while hers was closer to the back. However, every morning, he would come over to discuss after-school plans or homework.

She hastily wiped away any tears and looked up, forcing a smile to hide her inner turmoil. By eleventh grade, they had become closer since the previous school year. She should have known that Renjun would see right through her. It took just one look for him to sense that something was amiss.

“Something's up. What's wrong?”

Renjun glanced down at her wrist, and she almost gasped when she noticed blood seeping through her uniform sleeve. Blinded by rage, she must have unintentionally cut herself deeper this time.

“(Y/n), what—” He reached for her arm before she could stop him. He paused before gently pulling up her sleeve, revealing the fresh cuts from that morning.

Renjun opened his mouth to say something but remembered they were in a classroom setting. He looked back at her, seeing that all color had drained from her face and her lip began to quiver.

“Come on,” he prompted her, leading her out of the classroom.

“Renjun, where are you taking me?”

“To the nurse's office. Now.”

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She remembered him pulling her into the nurse's office. Despite her protests and attempts to stop walking, he paid no attention and continued. When they arrived, Renjun had her sit down on one of the treatment beds while he retrieved the first aid kit.

As he lifted the rest of her sleeve, she found herself holding her breath. She said nothing as Renjun cleaned and bandaged her wounds, her gaze dropping to her arm. What was once fair in color and smooth was now marred by hideous scars. Most of them were faded white, while some were still pink. The new red marks stood out the most.

Numerous times, Renjun tried to catch her gaze. She could tell he wanted to know what she was thinking. After applying the last bandage and closing the first aid kit, she forced herself to meet his woeful eyes.

“(Y/n)...” He began, uncertainty in his voice. “Whatever you're going through that makes you hurt yourself like this, you can tell me.”

They locked eyes for a brief moment, and she knew she was about to share everything she had been holding back. She loathed showing vulnerability in front of those she cared about. It filled her with a strong sense of self-hatred.

“I... I can't,” she practically whispered.

Renjun was stubborn and wouldn't give up. He placed his hand on hers, gently squeezing it. “You can trust me, I promise.”

She stared at him for a moment before her facade, maintained for months, crumbled. Slowly, she began to confide in Renjun. She told him about her mother's drug problem and how it had nearly bankrupted their family. She spoke of the sleepless nights listening to her mother hurl insults at her father. It was the first time she had shared the news of her parents’ decision to end their disastrous marriage. Finally, she told him about the argument with her mother that morning and the hurtful things her mother had said to her.

“How could a mother say those things to her daughter?” Her voice wavered as she continued, “When I've spent my whole life trying to...hoping for her to love me.”

She waited for Renjun to say something. But he caught her off guard when he reached over and enveloped her in a tight hug. He patted her back gently and assured her that she had every right to be upset.

“Your mom must be crazy not to see how amazing you are,” he said, using his thumb to wipe away her tears. “I'm sorry she said those things to you. You didn't deserve that.”

She sniffed and shook her head. “I don't know why there's still some part of me that expects something from her.”

"It's because you love her and want her to be healthy," Renjun responded.

She lowered her head and admitted, "I guess you're right..."

There was a brief silence between them. Renjun frowned, glancing around the room before standing up. He looked down at her with a mischievous smile.

“Let's get out of here,” he suggested, nodding toward the door.

Her torn expression shifted to a confused one. “Right now? But we have class.”

“That’s fine. We’ll just say you felt sick, and I offered to take you home.”

“So you’re suggesting we skip school?”

“I mean yeah, why not?” Renjun shrugged. “It’s not like they’re going to suspect anything bad from top students like us.”

Her eyebrows lifted in uncertainty. She never thought she would ever hear Huang Renjun suggesting skipping class. She had never in her life done such a thing.

Tired of waiting, he took her hand and pulled her up. “You should go have fun on a day like this. To clear your mind.”

She could feel her heart beating faster when he held her hand. Slightly flustered by the situation, she just nodded and followed him to sneak out of the school grounds. They got on a bus and sat in the back rows. She didn’t bother asking Renjun where they were going. Her mind was still stuck on the fact that she had practically spilled her heart out to the boy next to her. She regretted telling him so much in her emotional state. But he didn’t appear to think any less of her.

Renjun ended up taking her to a small arcade filled with game machines, prizes, and neon lights. “Haechan talks about this place a lot. It’s my first time here, though.”

She chuckled, “He’s going to kill you when he finds out you came here without him.”

“I know,” Renjun said and took her hand again. “Come on, let’s go buy some tokens.”

They played all sorts of games that day, such as racing and shooting ones. She thought she would be bad at the basketball game, but it turned out Renjun was worse than her. She laughed when he got pouty for not being able to score many baskets.

“Oh, over there!” She pointed out. “I’ve always wanted to go to a photobooth with friends.”

Renjun smiled at her sudden excitement. “Let’s go do it, then.”

The two of them went in and paid the machine to take some pictures. In a hurry before the camera started rolling, they picked out accessories for each other. She hoped Renjun didn’t notice the shade of pink on her cheeks as he set a white headband with cat ears on her head. On the other hand, she chose a pair of large daisy-themed sunglasses for him.

Renjun convinced her to try doing different poses. By the time the camera clicked for the last time, both of them were caught up in laughter. To her surprise, the photos came out well. In the last one, she saw Renjun smiling down at her, and she had her hands shaped as a heart. Anyone would have mistaken them for a couple.

She thought they would be done once they were finished with the arcade. But by the time they left, it was late afternoon. She hadn’t even realized the time went by. By then, the school day was already over. She said that they should just go back home now. Renjun looked at her with a slightly worried expression.

“Why don’t we get some ice cream first?” He pointed toward the frozen treat shop across the street. Reluctantly, she agreed and let him lead them to the place.

After getting their ice cream, they sat at one of the two-person tables outside. Subconsciously, she quietly observed him as he ate his green tea flavored ice cream. Why was her heart continuing to beat faster whenever she was around him?

“You should eat yours before it melts,” Renjun pointed out.

She was snapped out of her thoughts and glanced down at the mint-chocolate ice cream cone in her hand. Laughing nervously, she quickly took a small bite. “Oh right.”

Renjun chuckled and picked up the napkin near him. “You have some on your lips.”

Absent-mindedly, he reached over the table to wipe off the remaining cream off her mouth. Her eyes widened when she noticed how close their faces were. When Renjun saw the blush on her face, he coughed and sat back down in his seat.

Once the heat in her cheeks lessened, she took the chance to speak again. “I didn’t get the chance to thank you for today. I’m…I’m sorry about this morning.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Renjun shook his head. “I just—if you ever feel like hurting yourself again…”

He made eye contact with her when he said this, “Come to me, okay? Don’t feel like you have to carry all the burdens on your own.”

When she didn’t say anything, he placed a hand on top of hers. It was the third time he did that today. “I’ll always be here for you, (Y/n)-yah.”

How she wished that she hadn’t taken those words to heart.

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She remembered Haechan narrowing his eyes at her as they waited for Renjun at the library. He seemed as if he was suspecting her of something. She hoped Renjun would come soon to break this weird tension.

“How long are you going to stare at me like that?” She glanced up from her schoolwork.

Ignoring her question, Haechan said, “You and Renjun have been acting strange around each other.”

She laughed incredulously. “What are you talking about?”

“The way you two look at each other is different.” Haechan twirled the pencil in his hands with his fingers. “And you’ve been hanging out a lot. Without me.”

“Haechan, we’re just friends-”

“You like him, don’t you?” Instantly, she froze when he asked. The corner of Haechan’s lips curled upward into a smile.

“I’ll take your silence as a confirmation.”

“How…how did you find out?”

Haechan rolled his eyes as if the answer was obvious. “I’ve known you since kindergarten, Kim (Y/n). Never have I seen you look at a boy before Renjunie.”

It was true. She had no interest in boys unlike the other girls in her class at the time. She was always preoccupied with what was going on at home. Not just with boys, she had never made an effort to make many friends. Her mindset at the time was it was better to be alone, so no one could hurt her. Then Huang Renjun came along and changed everything.

She briefly scanned the library to ensure no one was paying them any mind, before leaning closer to the table. But that didn’t stop her from speaking in a hushed tone.

“You can’t tell him, okay?”

Haechan looked at her quizzically. “You’re not going to confess to him?”

“Why would I? That would be too risky.”

“What’s there to risk?” Her friend tilted his head. “You’re single, he’s single. You like him, and he probably likes you back.”

Shaking her head, “There’s no way he likes me back. I think he’s still stuck on his past relationship.”

“His first love back in China?” Haechan scoffed. “(Y/n), that was so long ago. And you’re here, right in front of him. I think you have a solid chance.”

“It’s not that easy, Haechan. Our whole friendship could be ruined, and I don’t want that to happen.”

The boy frowned at her. “So what? You’re just going to do nothing and watch him go find someone else?”

“Hey, guys! Sorry, I’m late.” A male voice ended their conversation. They looked to see Renjun waving to them and coming to their table.

“What were you guys talking about?” he asked when he sat down.

Before Haechan could answer, she spoke up before him. “We were just talking about the math test tomorrow.”

“Oh right. Let me get out my textbook so we can study.” Renjun reached down for his bag. While doing so, Haechan narrowed his eyes on her again.

He did have a point. She certainly didn’t want to see the boy she liked with someone else. But she was too much of a coward at the time. Confessing to Renjun sounded terrifying just thinking about it. She could never bring herself to do it.

Back then, she should’ve listened to her instincts.

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She remembered frowning at the empty desk in the corner of the room when she entered that morning. For once, there was no Renjun to greet her with his cute smile and wave. That was odd, she thought to herself. He was always in the classroom before her.

When she made her way to her seat, Haechan sat at the desk in front of her. His chin rested in one of his hands as he sulked.

“Our Renjunie is at home with a cold. That’s why he couldn’t come to school today.”

“He caught a cold?” He rarely got sick. But Haechan nodded in confirmation.

“Remember the other day when he forgot to bring an umbrella when it was raining?”

“Oh goodness,” she sighed, worry swirled around her head. “Maybe we should go visit him after school.”

Haechan smiled teasingly and shook his head. “Nah, I don’t want to get in the way of your lovey-dovey moments with him.”

“Lee Haechan!” She lightly pushed his shoulder as he laughed.

“You know, it’s really easy to make you blush? I can only imagine what happens when Renjunie is around.”

She swore, the boy was purposely pushing all her buttons.

Regardless of Haechan’s teasing, she still went to Renjun’s house after school. She had asked the light-haired boy one more time if he wanted to join her. But he said that he had something else to do. Whatever that was.

Anxiously, she made her way up the front steps of his house with a bag in her hand. The school day was killing her, knowing that Renjun was sick and home alone. She had never so badly for classes to be over.

His mom was there to open the door for her. Even though they had been friends for more than a year, it was her first time meeting Renjun’s mother. Immediately she recognized their similar facial features. “Hello, how can I help you?”

Almost forgetting her words, she straightened up her posture and bowed. “I’m so sorry to bother you. But is Renjun home?”

The woman’s face brightened when she said her son’s name. Clasping her hands together, she smiled at her. “You must be that girl he talks about all the time. It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

Her eyes widened when she heard this. Renjun talked about her? To his parents? Before she could muster up a good response, Mrs. Huang was already ushering her inside the house.

“I’m so glad you came,” She said. “My poor son is sick in bed. But I got called into work right now and his father already left in the morning.”

She slipped off her shoes and gave his mother what she hoped to be a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to worry Mrs. Huang. I came to make sure he was okay, so I can help watch over him for you.”

“Oh, that’s so kind of you. Thank you so much,” She squeezed her hands and tried to get a better look at her. “Truly, I’m grateful that Renjun has a friend like you. He was so sad when we first moved here. But now he’s so much happier.”

She recalled the few times when Renjun told her he felt homesick. In the beginning, he told her a lot about his hometown and his childhood there. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to move to a completely different country.

“It’s nothing, really,” She told his mother. “Your son is a great friend of mine. He…he means a lot to me.”

After hearing his mom’s words, she remembered wanting nothing more than to stay by Renjun’s side. She wanted to be there for him, just like he was to her. Even if he never knew about her feelings, she was okay with that.

Ms. Huang thanked her again before she hurriedly left for work. She told her that he was still in bed and his bedroom was on the left side down the hall.

“Renjun?” She knocked before coming into the room. The walls were painted a pale yellow, and there was a window above his desk. His room was neat and simple, like hers.

Renjun lifted his head to see that she had called his name. “(Y/n), what are you doing here?”

She grimaced when she heard him cough. “Your mom just left. I came to drop off your homework and look after you for a bit.”

“Oh…but what if you get sick?”

She smiled at his show of concern. “I should be fine. I have a strong immune system,” she insisted.

He didn’t seem to be very convinced. But he reluctantly laid back on his pillow. She set her school bag down on his desk chair.

“There are some things I have to prepare,” She said, going toward the door. “Just rest here, and I’ll be back in a bit okay?”

Renjun was too tired to protest, so he patiently waited for her to come back. It wasn’t like there was anything else he could do.

Moments later, she returned with a tray that carried a steaming hot bowl of porridge and a cup of tea. The sick boy peered up with a curious look in his eyes.

“This is some congee I made. It’s good to eat warm things when you have a cold,” she explained as she carefully placed the tray on his nightstand. Leaving the drink, she picked up the bowl to give to him.

Renjun smiled, but there was slight guilt in his eyes. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“It’s no big deal,” she said. “I made it the other day when my dad got sick. So I just reheated the leftovers that I had.”

“But still…”

Ignoring his nasally mumbles, she took the spoon and firmly put it in his hands. “You need to eat to get your strength back.”

He accepted the utensil sulkily and weakly took a bite of the food she made. She watched quietly as he ate. His face was paler than usual, and his dark hair was damp from his sickness. She hadn’t imagined a sick Renjun would be so cute. But somehow, she was surprised either way.

She stayed with Renjun the rest of the evening. After helping him take some cold medicine, they moved to the living room and watched some k-dramas on her laptop. Some laughter was exchanged at the funny parts. Occasionally, she heard sniffles at the sadder scenes in the movie. She wasn’t sure if it was Renjun’s symptoms or if he was actually crying. Either way, she pretended she didn’t hear him.

“Gosh, you're burning up,” she said when she placed a hand on his forehead to check his temperature.

She stood up to get a cold wet towel to help him cool down. Sitting back down at the foot of his bed, she leaned over to gently dab the cloth onto his forehead. She could sense Renjun switching from staring at her to glancing over her shoulder. But she pretended not to notice. After a few minutes, she brought her hand down and asked if he felt any better. But he wouldn’t answer.

“Renjun?” He looked back at her and gestured for her hand. He took it and placed her hand over his chest.

“Why do you keep making me feel like this, (Y/n)?”

His words meshed into the other. But she was still able to understand what he was saying. She stared at him in surprise, unable to find an appropriate response.

Renjun pressed his other hand over his eyes in distress. “All I’ve been thinking about lately is you. I swear it’s driving me crazy.”

From hearing this, she was certain that this was just the fever talking. She didn’t want to give herself false hope.

“Renjun, you…should rest. I don’t think you know what you’re saying.” She tried to pry her hand out of his.

Instead of letting her go, she felt his grip tighten around her wrist. Before she could say anything, her body was pulled down into a position where Renjun was right beneath her. She wasn’t sure if the sudden heat she felt came from Renjun’s fever or from how flustered she was at the moment.

“Huang Renjun, what are you—” She tried to escape, but he held her in place. He brought her closer to where their faces were merely inches apart. His steady eyes marveled over her red cheeks and eventually moved down to her lips.

But before she could make another attempt to move off of him, he pulled her down so their lips could meet.

Her eyes were wide open when she processed what was happening. He had single-handedly taken her first kiss, and she wasn’t sure how to take it at the time.

Little passion was felt in the kiss. But there was so much yearning and desire. When she let go of any resistance and closed her eyes, she felt herself melting into his touch. This… is something that she wasn’t aware she had wanted. I mean, what girl wouldn’t want to be kissed by the boy she liked?

Before the things could go any further, Renjun released his hands off her neck and fell back. He had dozed off in the next second, leaving her to be baffled by the situation.

She couldn’t recall what happened after. All she could remember was waking up the next morning on Renjun’s couch with a dark blue blanket covering her. Slowly, she sat up and saw Renjun exiting a room.

“Oh, you’re awake!” He looked slightly better than he did the other day, but still a little pale. Self-consciously, she straightened her clothes and patted down her hair as he came to sit beside her.

“Wha-what time is it?” She sat up and reached for her phone to look at the clock. 10:15 am.

Renjun chuckled, “It’s a good thing it’s Saturday.”

Warily, she placed her phone back down on the table in front of them. She looked at the boy beside her for a moment, wondering how to bring up the events that occurred the night before. She must’ve fallen asleep late, overthinking everything. If Renjun kissed her, that had to mean he felt something for her, right? Or were his actions from him being delirious?

“Renjun, about yesterday…” She started.

His eyes lit up, “Oh right. I can’t thank you enough for staying and taking care of me. My mom told me to say thank you to her. She and my dad have already left for work.”

“Oh…it was nothing,” she shook her head. “But I’m talking about when you-”

Renjun leaned back on the couch and sighed, “Ugh I hadn’t been that sick in a long time. Honestly, some of the things from yesterday are hazy to me.”

Her eyes blinked in confusion. “Do…do you not remember what happened last night then?”

The boy furrowed his brows as he tried to think back. Seconds later he snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. The ice towel you used really helped to bring my fever down. I wanted to thank you for that too.”

So he didn’t remember kissing her. Any hopes she had of Renjun might share the same feelings as she dissolved in an instant. Those optimistic feelings were replaced by perplexity and dismay.

Stupid, foolish girl. She was such an idiot to have such thoughts to begin with.

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She remembered the astounded look on Haechan’s face when she glumly told him about what happened. They had met up at a café later that afternoon.

“He what?!” The boy across from her nearly jumped out of his chair.

She shot him a nervous glare, “Haechan! Can you please just sit back down?”

“Sorry, let me get this straight.” He thankfully did as she asked. “You were taking care of Renjun, and he kissed you. But he doesn’t remember it?”

She dropped her head and nodded gloomily. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Are you sure he forgot?” Haechan asked.

“I don’t know. If he didn’t, he obviously wants to pretend it never happened,” she said, poking at the straw in her drink. Hearing herself say that only left her feeling more depressed.

Haechan sighed and gave her a look of slight concern. “(Y/n), I really think you should just tell Renjun about your feelings.”

“Haechan…”

“I’m being serious! At this point, you should just go for it,” he sat up in his seat. “What could possibly go wrong other than him saying no?”

She had sworn to herself that she would never confess to Renjun. Even if there was a small chance he might like her in return, she was too scared to risk it. He meant too much to her to lose him because of her selfishness.

“If Renjun rejects me, he’ll feel bad and have a hard time.” Her shoulders faltered. “I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable because of me.”

Haechan crossed his arms, “But that might never happen. Coming from experience, it’s better to just confess your feelings and be done with it. Things might not go the way you want. But you’ll feel better after.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she fumbled with the paper wrapping from her straw.

Haechan smirked, “Of course, I am. I’m always right.”

“Yeah, and what experience do you have?” She questioned, referring to his prior words. In response, he put a finger to his mouth as a motion for her not to comment further.

“Just trust me, okay?”

She dwelled on what Haechan said for a bit. Honestly, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could go being around Renjun without her heart exploding. Especially after they kissed. How long was she going to let herself live like this?

So for once and all, she followed Haechan’s advice and chose one day to confess.

She had to show that she wasn’t a coward and be a little braver for once. It was the most determined she had ever been about something. She was finally going to confront her feelings.

At least she thought she was.

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She remembered it was the beginning of autumn when she asked Renjun to meet her at the park one day. Aside from that, she had been trying to get out of the house more often. Things with her parents were still rocky. Being at school and spending time with friends allowed her to stop thinking about it all for a little while.

But that day was different. When she had finally decided to face her fears and just tell Renjun how she felt. She was beyond nervous, unable to keep her legs from shaking as she waited for him to arrive. She had repeated everything she was going to say numerous times the night before.

Having never confessed to a boy before, she spent the past few nights searching for tips on what she should do. There was one site that said you should dress up for these occasions. So foolishly, she spent almost an hour picking the right outfit and makeup. She hoped Renjun wouldn’t find her being too obvious.

Before she could chicken out, she saw him walking down the street to see her. He was wearing a smile. She didn’t think about it then. But his smile wasn’t bright like the normal ones he showed her. This one was filled with slight apprehension.

“Hey (Y/n),” He came to her with hands in the pockets of his jacket. “What did you want to do today?”

There was no way for her to back out anymore. “Actually Renjun, there’s something I want to tell you.”

“Oh really? I have something to tell you too,” Renjun scratched the back of his head. She was curious as to what he had to say. For a second she forgot about her plan.

They stared at each other awkwardly until Renjun cleared his throat. “You—you can go first if you want.”

“Oh okay.” Tensely, her grip on the strap of her purse tightened. She told herself that she could do this. It was Renjun, after all. Why did she make this so hard for herself?

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to meet his eyes. “You see, there’s something I’ve been hiding from you.”

Renjun looked at her with slight concern, “Hiding from me? (Y/n), you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know, I know. That’s why I’m telling you today because I don’t think I can keep it in anymore,” She said. Here goes nothing, she remembered thinking to herself.

“Renjun, I like—”

“Huang Renjun!” She was stopped by an unfamiliar female voice from behind her. As she started to process her failed attempt to confess, she watched a look of astonishment appear on Renjun’s face.

She turned to see a girl about their age with short light-brown hair, wearing a yellow sweater over a white skirt. She ran over to embrace the boy in front of her.

For a moment, Renjun seemed to be at a loss for words. Then he slowly hugged her back and a name rolled off his tongue. “Xiaomi?”

She held him closer to her. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I—I don’t understand. What are you doing here?” He pulled away. Surprise and bewilderment were still evident in his expression.

Every ounce of glee was pouring from her eyes. “I couldn’t stand us being so far apart. It took me a while, but I convinced my parents to move us here.”

“But…but how?”

“Your father talked with mine and helped him secure a job at the same company,” She replied. “I’ll be going to the same school as you too!”

(Y/n) stood there like a fool. They were speaking in Chinese. But it didn’t take an idiot to understand the situation. She was his first love. The one he told her about. She was here, she had come for him. And (Y/n) was just…there.

Renjun didn’t respond and glanced back at her. Finally, the girl turned to look at her. It turned out that she also knew how to speak Korean. But hers wasn’t nearly as good as Renjun’s.

“Is this a friend of yours?”

Suddenly snapping out of his daze, “Y-yeah. This is Kim (Y/n). (Y/n), this is Xu Xiaomi.”

Swallowing this whole new feeling of heartbreak, (Y/n) forced a smile on her face. “Renjun told me about you.”

Xiaomi beamed, “He did? How sweet.”

She looked back at Renjun and clasped her hands together. “Isn’t this great, Renjun? We can finally be together now!”

“I think I’ll get going now,” She bowed her head. She didn’t think she could stand to watch any longer.

Renjun called out to her but she pretended not to hear him. She woke up that day, barely ready for rejection. So many scenarios she had gone through and prepared what to say. But she didn’t expect that to happen.

Yet, she had no idea that there would be more pain to come.

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She remembered Xiaomi being introduced to their homeroom the next Monday. She kept exchanging glances with Renjun throughout the class. She could hear Haechan, who was a few seats behind her, making gagging noises at the couple.

She hadn’t spoken much to Renjun since that day at the park. She wasn’t sure which was worse, losing the one chance she had to confess to her crush or witnessing him be reunited with his past lover.

“Are you going to eat your tonkatsu?” Haechan pointed his chopsticks to her lunch, snapping her out of her brief daze.

He was trying to act like everything was normal. But she could tell he was holding back what he truly wanted to say. Although Renjun or Xiaomi wouldn’t have heard him anyway, since they hadn’t arrived at the cafeteria yet.

When he asked, she pushed her tray toward the boy. “Have it all.”

Her appetite had been lost over the past few days. Not only because of Renjun, she just had this mild pain in her head. Maybe her body was finally breaking from all the emotions she had been trying to hide.

Before Haechan could question her, she stood up from her seat. “I’m going to go back to the classroom for a bit. There’s an assignment I want to get ahead on.”

When she approached their classroom, she saw Renjun and Xiaomi through the window. She was near the door, but they couldn’t see her. She didn’t know why she was inclined to stay. She wasn’t there at the beginning of the conversation. But she had heard the rest of it.

“Tell me the truth, Renjun. Who is Kim (Y/n) to you?” Xiaomi asked. She was no longer smiling brightly.

Immediately (Y/n) was alerted when she heard her name. When did she become the subject?

“Xiaomi…”

She frowned at him in dissatisfaction. “I saw the way you looked at her. Do you not love me anymore?”

“What? No!” Renjun denied. He quickly grabbed Xiaomi’s hands and held them.

She wasn’t prepared to hear what he said next. “Honestly, (Y/n) is just a friend of another friend I made here, and we’ve hung out a few times. She…she means nothing to me.”

“Are you sure?”

He gently lifted her chin and kissed her reassuringly before murmuring. “Yes.”

(Y/n)'s hand reached to cover her mouth, as she started to back away. A sob climbed up her throat. But she was already running before they could hear her. She couldn’t stop thinking about how naive she had been. How stupid she was.

To ever think for even a moment, that she would ever mean something to someone.

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She remembered her dad mentioning that he wanted to move back to Busan. After she had been born out of wedlock, he moved from his hometown to be with her mother in Seoul. Now that the divorce was almost finalized, there was nothing here for him anymore.

At first, she was against the idea. She didn't want to leave her friends and school. But as she thought about it more, she started to think that maybe it was for the best. She didn't think she could ever look at Renjun the same again. Not after he said those things. Yet there was this part of her that still harbored feelings for him. It left her more devastated than anything. Was she really nothing to him?

She was so sick of it all. But before she could leave everything behind, there was something she wanted to do first.

↣ ↢

Haechan was the only person she told that she was moving. She asked him not to tell any of their other friends, especially Renjun.

Surprisingly, Haechan was a lot more understanding than she expected. But he didn't hold back his anger when she told him about what she had heard the other day.

“Damn. That son of a-”

She nearly hit him for swearing. “Lee Haechan! He's still your best friend.”

“I don't care if he is!” Haechan saw the distress in her eyes and sighed. “Okay, I'm sorry. But I still think he was an a**hole to say those things.”

Hating to admit, she kind of had to agree with him. Maybe Renjun wasn't the person she thought he was.

“Thank you, for being there when I needed it,” she said, avoiding eye contact.

The boy waved his hand dismissively, “You're lucky to have such a smart and loyal friend like me.”

Of course, he still maintained that ego of his. But then Haechan placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sincere look.

“Hang in there, kid,” He said with a proud smile on his face. “I'm sure things will get better for you.”

“We're the same age, Haechan.”

“Shush, don't ruin the moment.”

She shook her head and laughed. Despite everything, it was still nice to know that there was still one person by her side. The past version of her would have never even imagined being friends with someone like Haechan.

But on multiple levels, life had done its best to prove her wrong.

┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦

At the end of the month, their homeroom teacher had an announcement for the class in the morning. But all Renjun could think about was the empty desk in the back center of the room. (Y/n) hadn't been at school this past week. Multiple attempts he had made to call and text her. But there was no response. It was almost as if she had disappeared all of a sudden.

“I know some of you may be wondering about your classmate that has been missing,” the teacher looked around the students. “I came to tell you that Kim Y/n is no longer a student at this school and has moved away.”

The sound of gasps and murmurs erupted among the class. Renjun shook his head, unable to believe the news. No, it couldn’t be true. Why would she leave without saying anything?

“Where did she move to?” One person asked. Renjun looked at his teacher with hope in his eyes.

But the man shook his head and stepped away from the podium. “I can't disclose that information, for her privacy's sake. That's all I have for today. Get ready for your English class.”

When the teacher left, Renjun turned to find Haechan. He didn't seem the slightest bit surprised by this news. He had to know something.

“Where is (Y/n)?” His friend only responded with a glare.

“Lee Haechan!” Renjun's fingers curled into fists, quick to resort to anger.

Haechan shook his head and brought a light purple envelope from his bag. Without looking at him, he gestured for Renjun to take it. “She asked me to give you this.”

He hesitated before adding, “She should be at the train station. But she doesn't leave until half an hour from now. That's all I'm telling you.”

The envelope crinkled in Renjun's hands. He heard Xiaomi call his name. But he was already out the door, running out of school and catching a taxi. He had to find Y/n. He didn't care about the consequences.

Nothing else was on his mind except for her.

┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦

Dear Renjun,

A part of me hopes you will never read this. But if you are, that must mean things didn’t work out the way I had planned. And the purpose of this letter has changed from what it was originally supposed to be.

I know in our day and age that letters are old-fashioned. But I still loved the idea of them. I am writing you this letter because I am not brave enough to face you in person. I haven’t been truthful to you about some things. So here I want to clarify them. I hope you don’t mind.

I don’t remember how it exactly happened. But I’ve liked you for some time now. I think it was that day when I saw you helping that lady cross the street. I guess I’m someone who is easily swayed by kindness.

However, I didn’t realize my feelings until the day you learned about my secrets. That was when I knew I couldn’t keep myself from falling anymore. When we used to study together and hang out in the summer, I was the happiest I had ever been. I should thank you for that.

You had gotten out of a serious relationship and I wasn’t looking to date. I thought I was content with just being friends.

Then on the day you were sick, we kissed. Maybe you didn’t remember. Or maybe you didn’t want to. It was probably some mistake to you. Yet for a second, I thought there was a chance you liked me too. But I was very wrong about that, wasn’t I?

I know I mean nothing to you. But to me, you meant everything. You were the first person who knew my secret and comforted me. You made me feel like I didn’t have to hurt alone anymore.

I may not be your first love, Renjun, But you were mine. And I want nothing more than happiness and success in your future. Seriously, do something that makes you happy. Not because of any standards that are put on us, or the pressure that you give yourself. I hope that you can find your dream again and to someday see you shine brighter than anyone else.

Obviously, you don’t have to listen to me. But these were the things I wanted to say to you without any more regrets.

Sincerely, Kim (Y/n)

The letter crumpled in Renjun’s shaky hands. He looked at the taxi driver with desperation. “Ahjeossi, please hurry!” He anxiously sat back in his seat.

So she did hear what he said that day. Why, why did he lie? Why had he been so foolish?

When he finally got to the train station, Renjun sprinted inside only to be crowded by the other people passing by. He tried his best to get through briskly.

“(Y/n)!” He called out as if he was insane. “Kim (Y/n)!”

He could care less about the people who gave him odd stares. His mind was focused on getting to her. He ran to find the public transport timetable. His eyes darted across the board and found the departures.

10:44 BUSAN KTX DELAY: 0 min

He was too late. She was gone, leaving him in his regrets and despair. The boy fell to his knees as tears streamed down his face.

“Please…please come back, (Y/n),” Renjun cried, “Don’t go, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

He knew that she couldn’t hear him. Every word that came out of his mouth was futile. She could not see him right now. But if she did, she would’ve run back to embrace him and tell him not to cry.

All he could do was bang his fists on the ground, pathetically. “(Y/n), I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.”

He said this, even though she was never his and he was never hers. This pain was worse than when Xiaomi had broken up with him. He didn’t think he would ever be able to move on from it. There were so many words that he wanted to say to her. Words that he should’ve said to her before. Most importantly,

“I love you.”

┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦

{ five years later }

Here she was again, standing before him after not seeing each other since the eleventh grade. But she wasn’t alone.

“Hey, everyone. It's been a while,” she still seemed shy, but more reassured.

That was when his eyes found the person holding her hand. He was tall, handsome with jet black hair and a face that could charm anyone. If Renjun saw him in any other setting, he would have assumed he was some playboy. But in this case, the guy was looking at Y/n with tenderness in his eyes. Anyone would be able to tell he was completely enamored with her from just one glance.

Coincidentally, she met Renjun's eyes when she introduced the person next to her. “This is Na Jaemin—my boyfriend.”

“Wah, he's so handsome!” Her friends were awed as if he wasn't standing right there.”You found yourself a good one, Y/n!”

All Renjun could do was sit back and listen to the others asking how the two met and how long they'd been dating. He thought he should feel angry or betrayed. But for some reason, he didn't feel those things.

“Renjun, you should sing something for us,” Haechan said later in the night. He gestured to the small stage near the back.

“I don't know, guys…”

“Oh come on,” one classmate begged. “Just one song?”

Eventually, Renjun gave in knowing it was the only way for them to stop asking. In the next few seconds, the singer found himself getting out of his seat and getting up on stage. He adjusted the microphone stand and connected his phone to the speaker.

Tightening his grip as the music started to play, inadvertently they made eye contact again. At just one glance, so many emotions swelled in his heart. Without her, he would've ignored his passion and moved on to live a meaningless life. But thanks to (Y/n), he was able to find his dream again and go after it.

Never would he forget how he hurt her with his foolish words. The song he was about to sing was chosen especially for her.

“Why do I get sulky so easily? Am I this pathetic because of my small heart?” He started to sing, tightly gripping onto the mic stand. “Don’t go, I know I was a bit too much. Can you forgive me for being regretful again?”

As a professional, Renjun did his best to keep his voice stable, but it wasn’t easy. This song was written for her. He didn't know if she had heard it before. But he hoped it could convey the feelings he wasn't able to before.

Kim (Y/n), who he loved. Kim (Y/n), who he had hurt and brought him so much regret.

The same heartache he was feeling earlier returned as he sang the chorus, “Tell me, why I let you down? Any chance I get I'm breaking down.”

“I know it's my fault, but why is it so hard? To tell you that I'm sorry, heart.” His gaze remained fixed on her as the lyrics gracefully flowed from his lips.

There was loud applause when Renjun finished the song. But he couldn't enjoy it. He just wanted to see her reaction. She was smiling at him with tears glistening in her eyes. That was all the approval Renjun needed.

When the event was over, he went outside in hopes to talk to her. His feet stopped moving when he found her standing under a large tree nearby. She was talking to Jaemin, who had his back toward him. She laughed at something he said.

Then a few moments later, the man took a small box out of his jacket pocket. Renjun watched as her eyes lit up in the utmost surprise. Renjun couldn't hear the conversation. But he was there when she mouthed the word “yes” and to see them warmly hug each other after.

Still, in her partner's embrace, she met Renjun's gaze once more. He knew that she was content by the way she smiled at him.

And he couldn't help but smile back. Was he envious? Of course, he was. He would do almost anything to be in that man’s place. However, nothing could be done or changed.

He was happy for her because she was happy. No words could be exchanged. But none needed to be said. Their story had ended a long time ago.

They were living in reality, not some cliché world where everyone got their happy ending.

Where having a first love didn't necessarily guarantee they would be their last. But that didn't mean finding happiness was not achievable.

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cannedapricot · 2 years ago

Text

midnight bus. || hrj

in which as much as renjun denies ever caring about you, he can't help but notice the twitch in your eye when you receive your test marks, the smile that doesn't seem to quite reach your eyes when praised by your principal, and the lack of smart remarks when he scores a single point higher. something was wrong, and it was driving him insane. alternatively, two kids ponder about their futures on a late night bus ride because neither of them can drive.

word count: 2.7k

genre, warnings: angst (?), slice of life, some fluff, comfort (?), academic rivals to lovers, high school!au, neighbor!au, teenage uncertainties uttered and lost between tall buildings and lights, profanities, trespassing

bgm: ghost city tokyo by ayase, overdose by natori, cinema by vivid bad squad, you're on your own kid by taylor swift

a/n: i just finished reading this book of mine and i am in absolute shambles.

Renjun's eyes narrow, squinting at you across the hall. He could clearly see the principal congratulating you on the debate club's latest win, yet, you weren't puffing your chest out in pride like usual.

If this was any normal day in the past five years of your unnamed war for valedictorian, you would've thanked the principal and skipped right up to Renjun with a smug smirk on your face. If this was any normal day he would've rolled his eyes at you and told you that "arguing for climate change isn't a useful skill".

Evidently, this wasn't a normal day. Something's off. You bid goodbye to the principal and shuffle right past Renjun. No snide comment, no shit eating grin, nothing to acknowledge him.

Now, Renjun would much rather jump off a ten meter platform than admit to care for you, but weeks pass by and your usual spark never returned. It wasn't like he needed your attention or anything.

But it was driving him nuts.

Grade 6. 11 years old. Renjun meets you for the first time. You showed up to the first day of class in bright yellow suspenders, it was hard not to notice you. Renjun thought the two of you would make great friends. After all, his surname did mean yellow.

He changed his mind after you scored higher than him in math. No one scored higher than him in math. He would've let it slide if it were just math, but you had scored higher in everything except art. To top it off, when he made the off comment about it you said,

"Oh, it's not like it was hard."

And from that day on, he decided that you were his biggest rival and his life goal would be to knock you off your high perch.

Somewhere along the line, you had caught onto Renjun's hostility towards you. It was so amusing watching him get ticked off at your smug comments, how could you stop making them? So you decided that your life goal would be to never let Renjun know peace.

This rivalry, of course, bled into high school and where the two of you stood in present time. Senior year, AP classes, volunteer work, college entrance preparation, the future.

Oh, the future.

"Y/n, can we get a friend discount?"

"No."

A sigh escapes your mouth. Friday night, 8pm. Family-run diner packed to the brim with teenagers celebrating their football win against the school across town. Clad in the retro diner uniform your mom insisted on, you glide across the floor back behind the counter to yell whatever the table of jocks ordered to the kitchen.

"Busy night huh?"

You rest your head on your mom's shoulder, a habit you've had since childhood.

"Sometimes I wish our diner was less popular."

"Now that wouldn't be great for business," Your mom laughs in response to your childish grumble. "You'll learn to enjoy it once you take over."

The family business that's been passed down for decades. The future that's been decided for you before you were even conceived. You've known that your whole life, yet, for some reason, you weren't sure about it.

Your response should've been much more enthusiastic. But all you could manage was a quiet "I know" before turning to bring the cheerleaders their curly fries.

Renjun thinks he's finally lost it. What other explanation could there be to him staring across the fence from his bedroom window to yours. Your light was on, so you were home. But from the shadows moving around he could tell you weren't at your desk preparing for class like usual.

Renjun thinks he's finally gone bonkers. What other explanation could there be to his inability to focus on his four page essay for AP literature. He was usually good at cranking out fancy words and analysis. But for some reason, he found his mind somewhere else.

Renjun thinks he's finally gone deranged. What other explanation could there be to him climbing out his window (his parents could never know), jumping the fence, and standing under yours. A few well aimed twig throws at your glass was enough for you to stick your head out in confusion.

"Renjun what the hell?"

"Come out. We're going for a ride."

So you begrudgingly close your window and look for a coat to wear over your pajamas.

And for the record, Renjun isn't a stalker. Just a neighbor.

"You know, when you said "we're going for a ride", I kind of thought you meant in a car? As in, car ride?"

"And risk my life for you? No way. We're taking the bus."

11:45pm. You were following Renjun as he sped walked through the quiet residential neighborhood. The two of you passed multiple bus stops along the way but none of them had buses running at this hour.

"Just say you can't drive." You scoff, trying to keep up with the boy in front.

"Well, neither can you. With your brains, I thought you would've breezed the driving test."

"Touché."

The bus arrived at 12am sharp. The bus stop was a fifteen minute walk away from your houses and the two of you barely got on, eyes squinted at the sudden neon lights of the bus interior. The bus driver, a woman in her late forties you presume, audibly clicks her tongue at the sight of you both. You don't blame her, you would probably do the same if you were still working at midnight.

You find a seat in the back half of the bus as to give the lady some peace (though she chooses to put on headphones anyway). Renjun sits in the seat on the other side, though the seats were made for two and there was definitely no one sitting next to you. An awkward silence fills the air as the bus heaves into motion, taking the two of you somewhere unknown.

It was kind of relaxing, you thought. Watching streetlamps pass by in a flash, hearing the faint tune of ABBA songs leaking through the driver's headphones, feeling the bus rumble underneath your body. It was almost like you were running away.

"So... What's up with you," Your neighbor awkwardly begins. "I noticed you weren't really yourself lately."

"Aw, does somebody care about me?"

Renjun never thought that hearing the familiar mocking tone that was the bane of his existence would be so comforting. You were still there. You hadn't changed.

"In your dreams." He hides his smile in his palm and keeps his eyes on the scenery passing by, "Unfortunate for me, living next door to you makes me notice things I don't care for."

His eyes slowly move to check on you when you don't say anything. You sat back in your seat, a long hum as a response.

"I don't know."

"The fuck you mean you don't know-"

"Do you ever feel unsure of the future?"

Renjun's sharp retort was cut short. He was caught off guard by your question. You refuse to look at him, making sure your head was turned to face the glass.

"My family expects me to do one thing but maybe... that's not what I want to do, y'know?"

Honestly, you don't know what's possessed you. Why were you spilling your feelings out to your sworn rival? What if he uses this as blackmail or something?

"I get it."

That's all he says. No mockery in his voice, no teasing to be seen. You look over to find Renjun looking at you with a soft gaze. As if you were something extremely precious to him. So you can't help but reveal more to the boy looking at you so gently.

"The world is so big and I'm not sure if being tied down to the family diner is something I want. Like, I know I'll be disappointing my parents but I don't think that's the future I want."

"Then don't."

"Wow! You're so smart! Why didn't I think of that?" You reply sarcastically. You shouldn't be grinning. But you couldn't help it.

"Thanks. I'm the future valedictorian." Renjun smirks, turning his eyes back outside.

"As if. That's my title."

You continue whining about your parents expectations and plans for you and the diner after college. It was a lot but Renjun didn't once complain. He just sat on the other side of the bus, listening.

A weight had been lifted off your heart. Who knew you could be such a whiner? The conversation dims down as the warm colored streetlamps turn into fluorescent ones. You notice the buildings turn into grey skyscrapers and the bus was suddenly making its way into the bustling city.

You turn your head in awe at the sights. Truth be told, you don't make many trips into town, always too busy in your little suburb with whatever activity to add onto your college application. Which is why you almost miss Renjun's words.

"I want to go to art school."

It was a quiet murmur. Nearly drowned out by the bus engine and the honks of city cars.

"I thought your dream was med school?" You weren't poking fun, you genuinely thought Renjun was aiming to be a doctor. Your entire grade did. He scoffs.

"That's my parents' dream. They want the entire family to be in the medical field. It doesn't matter what we want." Renjun's eyes are facing the window, yet, they weren't focused on anything at all.

"Well, I think you'd do great in art school. You're always great at anything artsy." You admit, fidgeting with your coat. He raises his eyebrow and looks at you.

"You noticed?"

"It's hard to miss when you make the best pieces in the whole school. And I remember "Singin' in the Rain" in middle school. You're extremely talented at singing too."

Renjun can't help the smile that blooms on his face.

"You remember."

"Uh, yeah? You literally had a standing ovation."

Renjun never thought you would remember or pay attention to any of that about him. For some strange reason, his heart skipped a beat and he turns back to the window to hide his reddening cheeks.

"Last stop. Get off."

The bus driver said, promptly leaving the second the two of you step off.

"Why is the last stop at a seven eleven?"

"That is kind of weird. Do you think she just kicked us off because she got tired of our bitching?"

You both giggle before stepping into the convenience store. The cashier spares an uninterested glance, then returns the attention back to his phone.

Weaving in and out of the aisles and nearly slipping on some unknown liquid on the tile, Renjun picks out a packet of Haribo bears while you fill a cup of big gulp, nose scrunching up upon touching the sticky machine. Upon exiting the store and leaving the uninterested cashier behind, Renjun tells you he knows a place the two of you could go to share your goods.

"Though we're going to have to break some rules getting there. Think you're up for that, top student?"

"Why of course, second top student."

You had no idea breaking some rules entailed sneaking past the sleeping security guard and jumping over some barriers in a paid car park building. How did Renjun even know this?

"Isn't this illegal?"

"Only if we get caught." Renjun winks, "and I know for a fact they don't check the cameras regularly."

Renjun holds out his hand for support. You take it and jump off a small ledge. You admit, it was exhilarating. And was your heart beating because of the adrenaline, or was it Renjun's hand that he didn't pull away, even after you landed.

"We're here."

Renjun opens the door and reveals the rooftop parking lot. The air was cold against your flushed face and the empty space seven floors up made you feel like you were floating amongst the grey jungle. You run out, stretching your arms before lying on your back, not caring about how dirty the ground was. You felt free.

"I don't want to make 9pm coffees for the book club ladies for the rest of my life!" You yell into the open air.

Your partner in crime (literally) laughs before joining you on the cold concrete.

"Well, well. Look how far the top student has fallen. How would the principal feel knowing you've trespassed."

You roll your eyes, a stupid smile etched on your face. Placing down your icy drink, you turn your body to face the boy.

"I could say the same about you. Aren't you runner up for valedictorian? After me, of course."

"Actually, I'm number one contender." He responds, turning to mirror your position.

Oh.

The two of you were closer than expected. Lying on a dirty parking lot floor, noses almost touching.

Oh.

His eyes flit down to your lips.

You cough awkwardly before sitting up, red in the face.

"Do you want to try some of my drink?"

"Yeah, okay."

He silently sips on the drink. Though it was cold, it couldn't calm his burning ears down.

A few hours pass. The two of you spent that time stargazing, talking about whatever on your minds, and exchanging shy touches.

"Do you believe in aliens?"

"Uh, yeah I do. Space is massive - I doubt humans are the only intelligent life form out there."

Except all good things must come to an end. Come 3am, the two of you tread back to the seven eleven, hoping a bus would be there to take you home.

"Do you think the guy's still at the register?"

"Probably. I snuck a look at his phone earlier. I think he's been caught cheating."

The pair of you snicker and a bus rolls up. The doors open to reveal the same driver you had coming over.

"Lovebirds on their way home now, eh?"

"What? We're- we're not-"

"Oh give up. I've seen enough of you to know what's going on. Are you two getting on or not."

With matching red faces, you and Renjun board the bus. Except this time, he sits next to you, not on the other side.

"You're awful at drawing." Renjun laughs. Your attempt at drawing him on cold window cries a little, the condensation dripping where you touched it.

"Yeah, well. There's a reason you're always top of art."

He smiles, reaching past you to draw his version of you. It looked much better than whatever you drew and you were never the one to let him win. So you destroyed both drawings with one swipe of your palm.

"Sore loser."

"Cry about it."

Arm in arm, you walked home together at the same pace. Renjun slowing down so he'd match your comfortable speed. You'd never thought you would ever leave the house, spend time with your rival, only to come back with some weird tension between the two of you.

Renjun sends you to your doorstep and you turn to him.

"Thanks for cheering me up. It really helped."

"Don't worry about it. I also ended up getting stuff off my chest too."

Then he cracks the cutest smile and you couldn't stop yourself.

You kissed him.

On the cheek. You weren't ready for the lip on lip thing just yet.

"I'll see you Monday then." You hurriedly mutter, rushing inside to hide your embarrassment and to avoid seeing his reaction.

"Yeah. Monday." Renjun whispers into the night, a soft smile on his face.

EPILOUGE

"Renjun, you've got to start cleaning up your paint pots."

Your boyfriend looks up from his easel, eyes sparkling realizing it was you.

"You're home early!"

It was a couple of years later. Renjun was perusing his art career after having a thorough talk with his family (it took a few months), which explained the apartment-studio thing going on.

You came clean to yours about not wanting to take over the diner. Though you expected them to look at you in disappointment, they didn't. All they said was that they were proud of you for dreaming.

And now, you were sharing an apartment with the love of your life (who was currently covered in paint), once rival (you are now also covered in paint. He gave you a massive hug and a welcome home kiss).

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liliansun · 2 years ago

Text

(FAILED) love letters to locker #67

synopsis 💌: after finally getting the courage to confess to your crush via love letter, you’re shocked to find out that it actually didn’t end up in his locker and the one who did receive it was a little closer to home than you would’ve liked.

pairing 🫶: crush!heeseung x fem!reader x bbf!haechan

wc 💪: 10.1k

genre 📖: fluff, angst, humor, high school puppy love kinda vibe, iykyk

warnings: kissing, swearing, badly told jokes, jaem has a little temper ngl, gossiping and yk people be staring bc yk

special mentions: enha members, aespa member, le sserafim members, nct dream members

<3: as always @ethereal-engene aka ash, loml <33 got to beta-read this and it was the literal highlight of my day. also I wrote half of this over a couple days and finished the rest to day so if it’s a hot mess that’s why, love you🧎‍♀️

This was it, today was your day and you were beyond determined to make it through this day without anything messing up or stopping from you. Yes, today was the day that you planned on confessing to the prettiest boy, in your opinion, Lee Heeseung. So far, you feel pretty confident—or at least the most confident you can feel. With the letter in your hand, you linger around the lockers right before the lunch bell and pretend to listen to what your brother is saying. Jaemin was talking all nerdy to you and it was going through one ear and out the next. “Hey, listen to me when I’m talking, you’re being incredibly rude.” As he snaps his fingers at you, you swat at his hand.

“Leave me alone, I’m focusing.” He rolls his eyes, following your eyes to the boy you were so swooned for. “He’s not even that cute, if we’re comparing looks, I look better—some might even say sexy.” As he wiggles his eyebrows, you shove him aside and start to fiddle with your locker. “Ouch, that’s so rude—do I need to tell your little crush how rude you ar—OUCH!” Stomping on his foot, you give him the finger before sticking your nose into your locker. As the bell goes off, you shoo Jaemin away and put your books up. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Heeseung leaving his locker and heading down to the lunch hall. As you shut your locker, the hallway empties and you find this to be your perfect opportunity.

You try to act casual, walking across the hall and looking at the locker numbers. You’re about to slip the letter that you poured your heart into in the designated locker—that is until you hear voices coming from the end of the hall. Without paying much attention, you shove the letter in what you hope is the right locker and go on down the hallway, pretending as if you didn’t just slip a love letter in. Unbeknownst to you, the boy who was late to lunch comes flying down the hallway and accidentally bumps into you. “Shit—sorry doll face.” You didn’t get a clear look at the guy who practically ran you over, rubbing your shoulder as he ran down and disappeared into the hungry crowd of students.

You look around for your usual table where your friends are always found, skipping the line and sliding into the seat next to Yunjin. “Look who decides to join us?” Rolling your eyes, you grab half the sandwich from Chaewon’s tray and start to munch on it. “A certain someone must’ve been keeping her company.” Giselle wiggled her brows at you, leaning onto the table with her elbows propping her up. “Give her a break, she’s probably too tired to deal with you two from thinking about Heeseung all night.” Yunjin snickered, ducking down when you tried to throw your sandwich at her.

“Says the one who was stalking Chenle on his socials.” The girl beside you threw her hands over your mouth, looking over at the boy of topic to make sure he didn’t hear you. “Shh, he’s right there, unlike lover boy, he literally sits a few tables away.” You giggle into her hands, pulling them down as her face heats up in slight embarrassment. “You two are a mess, imagine simping over a man, ew.” Chaewon dramatically flipped her short hair, popping a piece of fruit into her mouth. “Aren’t you the same one who was drooling over that girl in your art class?” Giselle was more than satisfied by Chaewon’s lack of response, laughing when the other tried to steal her tray from her.

“What’s with all the giggling over there, you girls aren’t thinking of me, are you?” Jaemin stood up from his seat, smiling over at you with the most annoying grin on his face. “I can’t believe we’re related sometimes.” You mumble, avoiding his eyes in hopes he’ll leave you alone. “I can’t believe you two shared a home for nine months, you must’ve took all the right nutrients for him to come out like that.” Looking in the direction Chaewon was pointing in, you could see Jaemin and his friends sticking food in your brothers belly button and all of you were utterly disgusted. “Look y/n, I got olives for my next class!”

You were always embarrassed by your brother’s shenanigans, especially when he didn’t know how to control his volume and now half the lunch hall was looking your way. The cherry on top of it all was that Heeseung and his friends got curious about the commotion and now were looking at your table, heat rushing to your cheeks faster than you could get up from your table and try to discreetly leave the hall. Unbeknownst to you, a certain pair of eyes followed your figure from the table till you slipped between the crowd and ultimately out of his sight.

After leaving the lunch hall, you headed to your next class and lingered outside the door after stopping by your locker. You opt to wait by the door, back against the wall while looking over your notes from the previous class. In the distance, you could hear footsteps coming your way, not paying the person who was coming through any mind as you kept your nose in your book. “Hey, you’re..Na Y/n, right?” The unfamiliar voice caught your attention, looking up to see a boy who you didn’t fully recognize. You’re sure you’ve seen him around, being that he’s in your year and had been in a couple classes a couple years back, but he looks different than what you remember.

“Uh, yeah, who are you again?” The way he smiled at you made you almost feel small. “Just checking out the infamous Na twin, that’s all.” Before you could get a word in, he walked away with a grin on his face, disappearing as he turned a corner. Confused and more curious as to why he approached you, you decide that it’s best to ignore whatever that was and focus on your notes so that you’ll at least have some idea of what today’s class is about. Minutes pass by and the lunch hall starts to empty out, a crowd of students coming out into the hallways and to their lockers in batches while you await for your friends to join you at the door. When the bell finally goes off, you go inside the room and take your seat near the window where both you and Yunjin sit.

By the time you set your notebook and book down on your desk, Yunjin comes running in the class, making a direct b-line to your desk. “Hey, where were you? I waited by the door for you before class started.” Out of breath, Yunjin held herself up on her hands that were on her thighs. “I heard people whispering and I just had to stick around and get the tea.” You weren’t really surprised, sitting down as she took the seat across from you. She catches her breath, leaning towards you while signaling for you to lean in. “Okay, so I was about to leave the lunch hall and I overheard some fangirls crying about how Haechan ha-“

“Stop right there, who’s Haechung?”

“Haechan.” Yunjin corrects you, laughing as you brush off the fact that you butchered someone’s name who you didn’t even know. “Anyway, he said to this girl that he got a love letter and rejected the poor thing solely based on this supposed letter he got in his locker.” Somehow, you don’t connect the dots and pass it off as a coincidence. “Huh, good for him I guess.” With her mouth agape, Yunjin looked at you in shock. “Girl, do you even know who Haechan is?” Shaking your head, you lean back into your seat and start to open your notebook back up to where you were before class started. “He’s literally one of your brother’s best friends, they’re pretty popular around school, especially with the ladies.”

“Who’s popular with the ladies?” Looking up from your notebook, your heart immediately starts to race when you see Heeseung looking down at you with a smile. “Not you, lover boy.” Yunjin and Heeseung exchange a look before they both turn their attention back to you. “Uh, just some guy in my grade and stuff.” He nods, taking the seat in front of you, smiling at you in a way that nearly takes your breath. “Well, I hope whoever he is didn’t catch your attention, wouldn’t want someone taking my favorite window-neighbor away.” You couldn’t comprehend exactly what he was saying, only nodding at him while trying to stop yourself from drooling. He laughs a little under his breath, watching as your eyes gloss over and merely smile back.

After hearing someone calling his name, Heeseung saw his desk mate waving him down, getting up from the seat to head over to where he typically sits. “Well, I’ll see you around y/n, yunjin.” Yunjin gave Heeseung a bitter smile, clapping her hands together as he walked away before turning back to you with an obvious shift in her mood. “Ugh, I know you like him and he makes your insides liquid and all, but he still irks me.”

“I can’t believe you’re letting this grudge carry on this long.” As dramatic as Yunjin may be, she never fails to let a grudge go, especially when it comes to Heeseung. “This long, are you hearing yourself, he spread all those false rumors about me and never apologized!” She scoffs underneath her breath as she sits back in her seat. “Can’t believe you thought I’d forgive so easily, who do you take me for?” Smiling at her, you reach out and rub her shoulder as she returns the smile. “Dunno, thought you were Jaemin for a second.” Snickering as she starts hitting on your leg, your teacher gathers the attempt of the room and begins the class.

By the end of the day, classes had finished and you opted to ride home with Chaewon instead of going with your brother. When you got in the door, you could hear your brother talking on the phone as you made your way through the hallway and down to your room. Jaemin heard you come in, ending his call and following behind you with a winning look on his face. “What do you want, nana?” Slipping his phone into his pocket, he leans against your door frame, watching as you toss your bag onto your bed. “I got some friends coming over in a minute and I just wanted to tell you we’ll be in the living room.” You turn to face him, sitting on your bed and start to dig through your bag. “And before you ask, I did get mom and dad’s permission, so don’t try to rat me out.”

Jaemin left your room, disappearing somewhere down the hall and into the living room you assume. Pulling out the essentials you bring with you to school, you feel a pair of eyes looking at you which was starting to creep you out. Looking up from the pile of stuff you took out of your bag, you look over to your window to see Heeseung standing in his room. Crouched down by his window, we waves at you to come over, to which you do. After crawling off your bed and crouching down to your window, you push it open and lean against the wall with your arms crossed to prop you up. Heeseung did the same, opening his window and sitting down by it as he looked across to you.

“So, do you normally stalk your neighbors or was that just a coincidence that I literally felt you looking at me?” He laughs, a sweet laugh that immediately makes you smile. “Actually, no, I just happened to look over and saw you were free and might need some company.” Shaking your head, you miss the way he smiles at you and instead enjoy the cool breeze coming your way. “You could’ve thrown rocks at my window or I don’t know, knocked on my front door like a normal person.” He arched up an eyebrow, grinning at you which had you blushing. “Are you inviting me into your house—no wait, into your room miss y/n, because all of those options sound pretty romantic to me.”

You were sure your face was probably as red as it possibly could be, clearing your throat to try and regain your composure. “Please, if I’m getting romantic with anyone, it’d be my three-d animated boyfriend, real boys aren’t my thing.” Heeseung laughed again, man you wish you could put his laugh on repeat. “Yeah yeah, whatever floats your boat.” Both of you started snickering at one another, interrupted when a group of boys started to make their way to your house. “Got company?” Shaking your head, you let out a sigh, almost forgetting your brother had friends coming. “No, Jaemin invited his friends over and I’m planning on camping out in my bed till they’re gone.”

Heeseung nodded silently, leaning forward and letting the breeze brush against his face. You watched how the wind moved the hair that usually fell almost into his eyes fly back and exposed the beautiful features you didn’t get to see often. He must’ve sensed you looking, smiling when his eyes met yours. “I-uh, I think I’m gonna go get a snack.”

“See you tomorrow, y/n.”

After Heeseung closed his window, you sat on the floor, screaming silently into the palms of your hands. Throughout all the years you’ve lived next to him, that was probably the most you two have talked since you were kids and all you can think of is how embarrassing you might’ve looked. Opting to get a drink to maybe cool your burning cheeks, you got off the floor and closed the window before heading out your room. You could already hear how loud Jaemin and his friends were, staying silent as you went into the kitchen.

“And I swear to you bro, it was the best confession I’ve ever gotten—hands down.” Whoever was talking sounded familiar, but you weren’t trying to listen too hard and just wanted to get a cup from the cabinet. “Bro, are you sure it was for you, I mean from what I’ve heard it sounds like they barely know you.”

“That’s the exciting part, they don’t know me and when I find them, they won’t be able to resist my charm.” Okay, you were physically disgusted by whatever they were talking about. Not sure what it is about boys their age, but they were always so sure they were the shit and that was not attractive at all. “I’m telling you, if I find her I’m going to make her mine, lemme just read it to you and you’ll know.” After pouring your drink, you leaned against the counter and took a couple sips. For some reason, your curiosity got the best of you and you wanted to know where this was going.

“Lee, I know that this is unexpected, but I have been thinking about you for quite some time and I think I’m ready to finally tell you how you make me feel.” Your entire body freezes, the hairs on your arms stand as you can almost feel the color drain from your face. “I’ve been harboring these feelings for you for a long time and I want you to know how deeply I feel for you, no other has ever made me want to love someone the way you do.” Panic starts to run through your veins as you try and think of how you managed to put the letter in the wrong locker. “Maybe you’ll find out who I am, maybe you won’t, but for now I’ll remain close to you at a distance, sincerely your secret admirer.”

This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, this wasn’t supposed to happen and it wasn’t supposed to end up in the hands of whichever friend of your brothers. Thinking of how you could possibly make this situation better, the sound of your brother's voice being closer to you than you’d like makes you stiff. “Lemme see that paper, it looks kind of familiar.” All you can think of at this moment is how badly this is going to spread around your school if rumors are spread and a mental note to look into how to drop out of school. You must’ve spaced out, not realizing that someone had walked into the kitchen and was now staring at you. “Uh, can you move—I kind of need to get right there.”

“Uh—oh yeah, I’m sorry.” You manage to mumble to the boy who gave you an odd look. “Renjun, who are you—oh hey y/n, come here.” Trying your best to sneakily slip back to your room turned out to be an epic fail, hearing your brother calling out for you. When you turned around, all the eyes of the boys he had over were now on you and one in particular looked a little too familiar for your liking. “Is it urgent?” Judging by the look he gave you, you knew you had no choice but to come otherwise he’d physically move you himself. So you slowly made your way to where they were all sitting, shifting from one foot onto the other in hopes this would be over soon.

“This is y/n, she’s my sister.” Jaemin gestured to you as you awkwardly waved at everyone. “Y/n, that’s jeno—who you’ve met many times before, but the rest are Renjun and Haechan.” Jaemin pointed over to the one who you ran into in the kitchen, Renjun was his name. The other he pointed over to was grinning at you, making your stomach churn as you avoided his gaze. “Hello y/n, it’s nice to meet you.” Your eyes locked with Haechan putting all the puzzle pieces from the day together in your head. He was the one who rejected a girl for your love letter, the same guy who nearly knocked you off your feet on the way to the lunch hall. He’s been everywhere all in one day and something tells you that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

“‘Kay, nice to meet you, if you need me nana, call me.” Jaemin could sense you weren’t comfortable, the atmosphere shifting a little as you walked out. Jeno noticed Haechan’s eyes following you, meeting his friend's eyes with a knowing glare.

The next day at school was supposed to go smoothly, that is until you filled in the girls about the situation and they all didn’t react so quietly. “What the fuck!” Chaewon’s supposed whisper was a lot louder than she anticipated, Yunjin slapping her hand over her friend's mouth to quiet her. Due to the loudness from your huddled group on the field behind the gym, people were looking over at the four of you as you and Giselle tried to play it cool. “Do you have to be so loud?” Chaewon gave you an apologetic look to which you gave her a forgiving nod. “I’m sorry, I’m just shocked that the na y/n could be so ballsy and write up her confession into a love letter.”

“Which totally backfired on her, by the way.” Giselle made sure to point out the obvious in the situation, reminding you of your biggest regret in the last twenty-four hours. “You’re telling me, he was literally eyeing me down yesterday in my living room which ruined my vibe after talking with Heeseung.” Yunjin slung her arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to her as the three of you walked around the field. “Let’s just look on the positive side, maybe Haechan won’t find out it was from you and all will be well.”

“What wasn’t from y/n?” The sound of Jeno’s voice scared you all, making you and your friends jump a little before turning around to see a very confused and sweaty Jeno. “It’s called staying out of conversations you weren’t apa—“

“Okay, let’s go little firecracker.” Giselle took Yunjin away before she said something to upset the boy who was a little amused. “Can we talk really quick, alone?” Jeno shifts his eyes between you and Chaewon, nodding to your friend as she waves back to you before leaving you two. “So, what do you want?” Jeno laughs a little, rubbing the sweat from his forehead off with his shirt. “Kinda rude for someone who I practically grew up with, Jaemin would be disappointed.”

“Yeah, well you were more of his friend than you were mine so I don’t see any problem in getting to the point.” Jeno always admired how head-strong you were. Unlike your brother, you always skipped the line and got to the root of things whereas Jaemin was more relaxed and let things come as they go. “I just wanted to see what’s up with you and Haechan.” Your heart shouldn’t have started to race, not by the likes of his name. Maybe it was because in that instance, you caught a glance of him across the field and when you looked a little too long, he locked eyes with you and smiled.

“Haechan? Nothings going on with us, I barely know him, if even that.” Jeno doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer, but you’re hoping he’ll buy it enough to let you escape the boy who is now making his way towards the two of you. “Alright, I’m just looking out for you—you’re almost like a sister to me too and I don’t want you mixing with him, he doesn’t have the best track record with girls.” Somehow you’re almost sad to hear that, not knowing why you expected anything less than him being a player, nevertheless it still made you sad. “Thanks Jeno, but I gotta go before I’m late to my next class, bye!”

Haechan was hot on your heels, almost near you and Jeno if it weren’t for you cutting the conversation short and running off before you gave him the chance to catch you. Your friends were somewhere on the other side of the field by now, but you opted to head in and get changed before Haechan got the opportunity to steal your attention. You’re running back into the building, turning a corner and nearly running into the body of an oncoming student. “Woah, slow down, what’s the rush?” After brushing your hair out from your face, you look up to see Heeseung smiling down at you as you regain your composure. “Going somewhere important?” The breath in your chest stopped for a second, raking in the beautiful features that were Heeseung’s face.

“Uh—no, I actually was just going to get changed.” He nods, turning around to walk alongside you as you go towards your locker to get your spare clothes. “Hey, I saw the guys leaving your house yesterday, are any of them anyone I should know?”

“No, not really, I mean they’re just Jaemin’s friends so I only really know Jeno and the rest I met officially yesterday.” Heeseung was quiet, watching as you opened your locker and fished through your bag to get what you needed. “Why’d you ask, is there something wrong with them?”

“No no, I was just curious, that’s all.” After closing your locker, you look up at Heeseung one last time before starting to walk backwards towards the girls shower room. “You know what they say, curiosity is the cats greatest weakness.” He laughs, watching as your face heats up from the slight embarrassment you’re feeling. “I’m more of a deer kinda guy.” Laughing yourself, you turn your back to him and leave him standing there against your locker while watching your figure become further and further away from him.

As the day progressed, more and more people were whispering about the mystery girl who sent Haechan the love letter and how he was actively looking for her. Your friends tried their best to keep news from being spread to one ear to yours, but they can’t stop every girl in class from talking about it without drawing suspicion. You were more than happy to be home after school had ended, coming into your house and dropping your bag off in your room before going into the kitchen. Searching through the fridge, you don’t find much appetizing and decide to just heat up leftovers. While the leftovers are reheating, a knock on your door surprises you.

You expect it to be one of your friends or even your brother who maybe forgot his key, instead when you open the door you’re met with a very smiley Haechan. “Jaemin isn’t home.” Immediately dropping his smile for a pout, Haechan didn’t seem pleased with your emotionless reaction to him being at your door. “I already knew that, he told me to come and wait for him till he and Jeno get home.” You give him a single nod, staring at him as he slowly curls his lips up into a grin. “So can I help you or are you just gonna stand there?”

“Inviting me in would be nice.” Rolling your eyes, you step aside and let Haechan come in, watching as he looks around as if he’d never been into your house before. “Don’t go into his room, I’m not going to be responsible for his temper if you mess with his stuff.” Ignoring you, Haechan disappeared down the hallway, leaving you in the kitchen to take out your warm leftovers and a bottle of water. Assuming he went to the bathroom or maybe came down into the living room, you take your food and go into your room to see a very comfortable Haechan sitting on your bed. “Please leave before I call the cops.” Haechan smiled at you, leaning back onto his elbows as he looked around your room. “You invited me in, so technically you’d be wasting your time calling them.”

“Should I call Nana instead?” Wincing, Haechan got off your bed with a smack of his lips and slowly made his way around your room. “Why are you still here, I thought I told you to leave.” Ignoring you, he pulled your chair out from your desk and plopped down into it. By this time, you knew there was no getting rid of him and you were too hungry to even care. Too caught up into the food in front of you, you failed to realize Haechan went stiff as he fiddled with the materials on your desk. Picking up the notebook on your desk, his fingers grazed across the paper as his heart started to beat rapidly against his chest. Something in you told you to look up, feeling your stomach drop as you watched him study the paper in his hands. Immediately getting up from your bed, you grab the notebook from his hands with flushed cheeks as he stays still, looking down at his empty hands.

“Y/n, I’m home! Is Haechan here?”

Your brother’s voice echoed into your room, the tension between the two of you made the room go quiet. “Y/n, did Hae—oh, what’s going on?” Jaemin was more than confused to see you staring down at Haechan with a pink tinted face. Haechan, who still didn’t move until his friend's voice brought him back in, blinked a little before getting up from the chair and left your room without a word. Jaemin was genuinely confused, tilting his head at you. You already knew he wanted to know if you were okay, to which you gave him a nod and he left it at that. The rest of the night that the boys were down in the living room, you stayed in your room and hoped that the earth would swallow you whole at any second.

Since that night, it had been a couple weeks that passed and to say that things were awkward at first would be an understatement. Haechan wouldn’t look you directly in the eye the first couple days following, not that you really cared—but it did leave you feeling a little uneasy at first. When you finally think that maybe all would go back to normal, Haechan started to become a little bolder anytime you were near and to say it made you flustered was also an understatement. Not sure if it’s the lack of romantic—not that you’re calling him romantic—interaction you’ve had with boys up until this point or if it’s the pure charismatic side of him that’s rubbing off onto you each time he attempts a bad joke, but you’ve almost grown accustomed to him being around now.

Your friends on the other hand don’t like it too much, Yunjin advising you to watch how close you get with him and for once rooting for Heeseung. Giselle just wants you to be happy whereas Chaewon thinks Haechan is a cute match for you and thinks you’d be cute with him. You don’t know why you’re daydreaming about either of the boys when you should be focusing on the class you’re in, but what snaps you out of it are the girls whispering not-so-quietly behind you. “I heard that Lee Haechan is going to ask the girl who wrote him the love letter a couple weeks ago to the Valentine’s Day dance.”

“No way, he knows who it is?” You can only imagine the girl shrugged. “Dunno, I think it’s someone who he dated in the past or even someone who he’s known for a while.”

“Really? I’ve heard it’s one of his friend’s friend, but none of them really have female friends, all I can think of is Jaemin’s sister.” You assume they were trying to whisper the last part a little quieter, but they weren’t exactly achieving that. “Whoever it is, they sure are lucky, I mean having both Lee’s of the school being cuffed for Valentine’s Day is a first.”

“Both Lee’s? You’re not talking about Heeseung are you, because if you are I’m going to be devastated.” You felt almost guilty for listening to them, but you pretty much didn’t have a choice and pretended to take notes as they carried on. “Girl, I’ve heard from this girl who was hooking up with Jake that Heeseung told him that he’s planning on asking his longtime crush out for the dance!”

You must haven’t been the only one to hear them, seeing as your teacher loudly cleared their throat which caught the attention of both the girls. The rest of the class went by relatively smoothly, but the thought of Heeseung asking another girl out for the dance really made your heart hurt a little bit.

“What’s on your mind?”

You had been back at home, sitting on your front stairs as the storm clouds started to brew in. “Dunno, just thinking.” Heeseung joined you, sitting beside you as the two of you watched the sky turn from blue to a dark grayish. “You know what I’ve been thinking about?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been thinking about the Valentine’s Day dance.” Heeseung smiled at you, just a little, but it was enough to bring a smile onto your lips. “Oh really? Speaking of that dance, I’ve heard that you’re planning on asking someone to go with you?” He shrugs nonchalantly, pushing his hair back as you laugh and give him a slight shove. “Don’t be so cocky, it’s not a good look on you.”

“But it is on Haechan, right?”

You’re taken aback by his words, falling silent before looking up at him confused. “Where did that come from?” With a heavy sigh, his shoulders roll forward and he shrugs. “Dunno, you two seem to be getting close, just thought there was something going on between you two.” Looking down at your hands, you ponder on whether you two are getting close. Yes, you did hang around your brother and his friends a little more often than usual, but that wasn’t directly for Haechan—was it? “Nah, we just talk because he’s always at my house.”

“Speaking of always being at someone’s house, you sure are always at mine when yours is right next door.” Jaemin was staring down at Heeseung, no sign of emotion on his face while Haechan leaned from behind your brother to send a smile your way. “Yeah, I should get going—I, uh, I’ll talk to you tomorrow instead, y/n.” Just like that, Heeseung got up and left you alone to be completely furious with your brother. “What the hell was that?” Jaemin rolled his eyes at you, walking past you as you got up from the stairs and followed him inside. “Don’t start with me y/n, I don’t wanna do this with you right now.” Genuinely confused and more frustrated, you slam the door behind you and follow him into the hallway.

“Don’t start what, nana, how about you don’t start shit with my friends like I don’t start with yours.” Jaemin scoffed, physically moving his body as he rolled his eyes. “Please, don’t you think it’s a little weird that he’s always around the house and if he’s not by our front door, he’s all out his window trying to talk to you.”

“You’re saying this like it’s a problem, your friends are always in our house taking up our space and eating everything in our fridge and you have the nerve to complain about our neighbor?” The two of you got into a pretty heated argument that ultimately was put out by your mom. Jaemin claimed the living room, seeing that his friends were still outside due to the tension between you two and you went back outside to get fresh air as the other two boys went inside, leaving you and Haechan under the darkened clouds.

“Hey, I don’t know if this is the right time, but I was wondering if we can talk?” Letting out the heavy breath you didn’t know you were holding in, you nod and Haechan sits down on the steps as you do the same. He fiddles with his fingers for a while as you let the breeze brush against you and relax your mind. “The letter I got, the one I found in my locker a couple weeks ago, that was you wasn’t it?” You could feel the hairs rise on your arms, your mouth suddenly going dry as you choose not to look at his dejected face. “And it wasn’t meant for me..was it?” For some reason, the sadness lingering in his tone made your heart hurt more than it should’ve.

“No—it wasn’t for you.” Just as his head hung, a downpour of rain started and the two of you didn’t bother to move. Maybe it was the emotional stress of all that has been going on, maybe it was because of the sudden comforting feeling of sitting beside him with only the sound of rain filling in the space that silence once occupied. Whatever it was, you felt all aspects of your guard coming down and let everything you’ve kept to yourself out. “I’ve liked him for so long, ya know, that I thought that maybe if I just tell him about how I feel then he’d feel the same way.” You didn’t have to elaborate, Haechan already knew from what he’s seen of your interactions with Heeseung that the boy next door was the one of your interest.

“Surprise surprise, it didn’t even get to him and I’m pretty sure if it did, he’d reject me.” Haechan lifted his head, looking over at you with somber eyes. Trying to fight back the urge of crying in front of him like a child, you sucked in the tears that were threatening to fall down your cheeks and focused your attention on the rain coming down in front of you. “How about we test that theory?” Looking over at him, he was clearly thinking of something that could possibly end in the worst way. Somehow, that didn’t scare you away from the curiosity that was the thoughts in his mind. “And how exactly are we gonna do that?”

“Take my hand and find out.” This should’ve been your sign to just go inside and pretend that this wasn’t happening, that the thought of taking his hand didn’t ignite a fire in you that you never knew you had. Instead of listening to yourself, you let your heart's unwanted beating lead the way and put your hand into his. He guided you from underneath the shelter of the porch and into the rain which at first wasn’t the most pleasant experience. “What does catching a cold have to do with testing if he likes me or not?” Haechan was more than amused by your not so happy expression as the rain got heavier, leaving the two of you drenched in a matter of seconds.

“Dance with me.” You weren’t sure if he was delusional or just downright crazy, both sounding like the best description of him at this moment. “Are you crazy, I don’t get how th-“

“Just dance with me y/n, for once stop thinking about anything else and dance with me.” Looking down at your hand in his, you decided to trust him, even if it meant you’d regret it later. Taking a couple steps forward, you were shocked when Haechan lifted your hand and spun you around, earning a laugh from the both of you. Pulling you in, he rested both of his arms around your waist as you wrap yours around his neck. The two of you slowly rock back and forth as the rain doesn’t show signs of letting up anytime soon. “How long are we supposed to stay out here exactly?” He hums against your shoulder, sending chills down your spine. “Until he’s jealous enough to realize he’s missing out on an amazing girl.”

About to question him, you realize in the midst of dancing that Heeseung was watching the two of you from his house and somehow it didn’t make you feel the way you’d thought it did. “Guess we’ll have to stay out here forever.” Haechan laughed, lifting his head up to lock eyes with you. The view of his honey skin up close combined with the water dripping off the tips of his hair alone was enough to have your heart skyrocketing. The cherry on top of the cake was the little moles scattered across his face that you could only view close up that made the warmth of your cheeks turn a shade of pink. “Fine by me, I like the view from here better than I did before.” With your fingers playing through the back ends of his hair, you slowly started to pull him closer, hoping that the softness of his lips would collide with yours. Unfortunately for you, your brother opened the door and called out for his friend, wondering where he had gone.

“Haechan, where are you—oh.” Instantly separating, both you and Haechan created a great distance between one another as you both awkwardly looked at Jaemin with flushed faces. “I, uh, the boys wanted you to know it’s your turn..on the game.” Without word, Haechan walked into your house and you followed behind him, ignoring the weird looks the two of you got from everyone in the room. Running to your room and shutting the door, you locked yourself in until your mom later told you the boys had left and a very awkward moment between you and Jaemin was felt by your parents during dinner. Afterwards, you got ready for bed and got on call with the girls to fill them in about the day you’ve had and prepare yourself for the day to follow.

The days that followed were not what you expected them to be. Haechan seemed to be avoiding you more than you thought he would whereas Heeseung was always around the corner and ready to spark conversation at any time. While you sit at the table with your friends in the lunch hall, your mind wanders off to your brother's table and your focus is on the boy whose laugh could be heard from a mile away. Your friends were too used to your spacing out to try and bring you back into the conversation, instead opting to watch you in a sad silence.

Heeseung made his way to your table instead of his, smiling down at you when you came back and saw him beside you. “What’s wrong?” Shaking your head, you dodge his question and instead push the tray away from you. “Nothing, just not feeling the lunch they served today.” Nodding, Heeseung nervously looks around for his friends who were silently rooting him on from across the hall. “Well, I was wondering if you still planned on going to the Valentine’s Day dance this weekend?”

“I guess, I mean I haven’t really thought much about it.” Overhearing your conversation, the girls all lean in and smile at the way Heeseung is looking at you. “Actually, we went dress shopping last week and y/n got the perfect dress.” Chaewon said proudly, propping her chin up onto her hands. “It’s pink, by the way, imagine a blush pink.” Yunjin adds in, winking at Heeseung as he nods knowingly at her. “Sounds like I’m going to go find a matching tie to go with your dress.” Shocked, you look at Heeseung with a confused expression as he then stands up with his friends rushing behind him. “Uhm—what are y—what’s going on?” By now, most of the lunch hall was looking over at your table and the embarrassment on your face was pretty evident.

“Na y/n, would you be my date to the Valentine’s Day dance—which in return is me asking you to be my valentine?” Overwhelmed was one way to put how you were feeling. The flowers his friends were holding along with the sign they passed to Heeseung and the pink tent of his face all made you feel persuaded that you should say yes. If you had asked yourself months ago what you would say in this instance, you’d immediately agree because this was a day you had been waiting for since you first met Heeseung and it almost saddens you how conflicted you are. Looking around the hall and seeing the sadness on Haechan’s face masked by the smile he wore, you didn’t know if your answer should’ve been swayed by a boy who didn’t even look in your direction since the near kiss experience.

“Uh, I—Heeseung, can we talk about this later?” A sea of ‘oohs’ and hushed whispers started to spread amongst the ones who were watching it all go down. If he was hurt, Heeseung sure didn’t show it as he gave you the same smile he always gave you and handed you over your flowers. “Of course, you know where to find me when you’re ready to talk.” Heeseung was sweet, probably one of the sweetest boys you’ve ever met, but your heart was begging you to clear the air before everyone gets hurt in the end and that’s exactly what you wanted to do. By the time you looked back over at your brother's table, all of his friends were still there, watching your reaction except the one person you’d hoped to see was now gone.

Sitting back down in your seat, all your friends looked at you in shock as you set the flowers down on the table. “I can’t believe you just rejected that man, in front of everyone!” Yunjin, like always, was the first one to say what was on her mind, but we’re not surprised. “It’s because of Haechan, isn’t it?” You didn’t have the courage to meet Giselle’s eyes, giving them all the answers they already knew. Pulling you in, they all gave you a hug from over the table and beside you as your jumbled up thoughts tried to sort themselves out.

When lunch was over and you walked back to your locker, you noticed everyone in the hallway was giving you strange looks and some even whispering amongst themselves when you passed by. Trying to keep your head up, you opened your locker and started to take out the necessary things for your next class when a note fell out. It was in a pink envelope, a heart sticker keeping it closed and it had your name on it when you flipped it over. Seeing how everyone was watching you, you shove it in your bag and opt to open it when you get home. Unfortunately for you, the stares and whispering didn’t let up and by the time you got home, you finally felt like you had some peace.

Instead of going straight inside, you walked around your house and saw Heeseung playing in his backyard with a couple of his friends from earlier. “Hey, ready for that talk?” Heeseung and the others looked your way, a smile being brought upon Heeseung’s lips when he saw you. “Yeah—Jake, tell Jay I’ll be in soon.” Jake gave him a nod and tiredly went inside, leaving you and Heeseung alone. “So, what’s up?” Walking over to the old swing-set he still had, you sit down and laugh at how far down it is to the ground. “Can’t believe we used to fight over whose feet would touch the ground first.” Heeseung joined you, smiling down at his legs before looking over at you. “Yeah, can’t believe you still beat me when I’m literally almost a foot taller than you now.”

“Don’t let the air up there go to your head.” The two of you laughed and reminisced for a moment until you both grew quiet and the lingering questions in the air were waiting to be answered. “I used to like you, a lot actually.” He didn’t meet your eyes, nor did you look in his direction, instead he remained quiet and let you say what you needed to say. “I don’t know exactly when it started, but one day I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and over all these years I never thought I’d be here, saying no to the one thing I always dreamed of.”

“You can’t control how you feel, y/n, if it wasn’t him, it was going to be someone else that caught your eye and unfortunately I was just too late.” Nodding, you felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness wash over you as you got up from his swing. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, I promise you I’m going to be happy as long as you’re happy.” The two of you hugged, embracing one another into a tight squeeze to savor the moment that you both knew was coming. The definition of your friendship would now never be the same, but in the same way it was a beautiful thing to come, even if it broke both of your hearts. “I’m always right next door if he does anything stupid, I mean it, literally throw a brick through my window if he doesn’t treat you right.”

“Don’t you mean you’ll throw a brick through his window if he doesn’t treat me right?” Looking up at him as you two pull back from the hug, he laughs at how he almost doesn’t make sense. “Whichever comes first, just know that a brick will be involved.” Laughing, you wave him goodbye and go back to your house. It was quiet when you got inside, knowing that Jaemin was home. Going straight to your room, you felt that it was safe to now let everything you’ve been bottling up now out, all the times you’ve felt so alone and not wanting to go to anyone was now tumbling out and the tears rolled down your cheeks. Jaemin knew, he always knew when you were sad and he immediately went into your room, meeting you on the floor and scooping you into his arms.

He always said it was a twin thing, how he knew you were sad and how you knew when he was sad. Somehow, after all these years, it still stuck with you both and despite this being the first time you’ve really interacted since your argument, it felt the most comforting. That night the two of you laid up on the couch watching movies of your childhood and ordered in once your parents got home. It was almost therapeutic to spend some quality time with your brother and even if he didn’t ask any questions, you knew he already had the answers he needed.

Later that night, you laid in bed and pondered over if you should read the letter that was left in your locker. Finally deciding on what harm it could possibly do, you got it out from your bag and opened it up. To your surprise, it was written similarly to yours and that in itself was a clue to who this could’ve been from. ‘Dearth favorite na twin, I’m writing this on the same day I found out you were the one who wrote the letter I got. Honestly, it hurt to know it wasn’t directed for me, but somehow I feel the universe knew what it was doing when it wound up in my locker. I regret not kissing you and I regret even more not talking to you afterwards, but maybe I can make up for it by asking you to be my date to the dance. Don’t answer now, answer when the time is right and if you don’t answer at all, I’ll take that as a yes. Love, your secret admirer.’

That night you held the letter to your chest, listening to your own heart beating to the thought of Haechan and rethinking over and over in your head how this all started and where it was now. Although it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, you don’t think you’d change anything and probably for the first time in your life you were looking forward to the dance.

The following days didn’t change much, people still gave you a look in the halls, but Heeseung and you were still pretty friendly both in school and out. It was now the weekend and the Valentine’s Day dance was tonight. To say you were nervous was an understatement, but the girls reassured you that they’d be by your side the entire night. Jaemin advised you to get ready at one of the girls' houses since his friends planned to be at yours and he knew you weren’t ready to see Haechan just yet. Thankfully for you, Giselle said you could all come to her house and the four of you spent the night that Friday and got up early the next morning to prepare yourselves.

“I say we drop our dates and take our little y/nie instead.” Yunjin gave your cheeks a squeeze, mushing your face with her fingers which earned a laugh from Giselle and Chaewon. After swatting her fingers away, you rub out the sore spots. “I told you that I’ll be fine, no one is dropping anything for anybody unless it’s on the dance floor.” Chaewon smacked your arm with a pillow, giggling as she fell over into your lap trying to do so. “That’s so wrong, don’t ever say anything like that again, I swear Jaemin is rubbing off on you.”

“Hello, they’re literally twins, it’d be weird if he didn’t.” Chaewon playfully glared at Giselle's matter of fact statement. “Speaking of twins, your brother wants us to do a group photo when we’re done.” You nod at Yunjin as she grabs her makeup bags and lays them out. She made sure to point out which products she thought would complement each of you, not forgetting her speech about how women don’t need makeup to feel pretty and overall her importance about empowering women. The three of you all looked at her with a smile, knowing she’d go far in life with the way she carries herself. “Enough of that, let’s get some breakfast and some lipstick because we are not ruining this lipstick for a taco later.”

After the three of you headed downstairs and munched away on a late lunch-breakfast, you went back upstairs and took turns showering before getting ready. Meanwhile, back at your house, the boys sat in your living room and played games all afternoon, per usual. “What do you think it’s going to be like tonight?” Renjun, who was seated next to Jeno, asked as he scrolled through his socials and saw the different pictures of people from school getting ready. “Probably lovesick, pink and sparkly.”

“Hey, don’t judge pink, my sister is wearing pink tonight.” Jaemin whipped his head around quick enough to shoot a glare at Jeno. “Half the student-body is going to be wearing pink, it’s literally a valentines dance.” Haechan added in, groaning loudly when he ended up losing his spot in the game and switched out with Jeno. “Speaking of a certain Na twin, she’s been quiet today, is she home?” Renjun asked out of curiosity, not missing the sadness it brought his friend. “No, she stayed at Giselle’s house and they’re getting ready there.”

“They?” Jeno asked, needing clarification. “Giselle, Chaewon, Yunjin and Y/n.” All the boys turned to give Haechan a weird look, the boy giving a shrug in return. “How do you know all my sister's friends' names?” Jaemin asked, raising a brow at Haechan. “She mentioned them when we would pass one another, nothing much about it.” The other three all knew he was bullshitting, not believing him for a second as they snicker amongst themselves. “Bro, we all know you like her, you don’t have to hide it.” Renjun was the first to say what everyone was thinking, making Haechan’s face turn red. “Shut up, I don’t like her—even if I did, she’s my best friend's sister, I’m not that kinda guy.” Jaemin frustratedly throws his controller down into his seat, switching out with Renjun and sitting beside Haechan.

“I know you’re not and I respect you for that, as much as I never thought I’d say this, just date my sister already.” Haechan was more than taken aback by Jaemin’s words, looking at him with wide eyes. “She’s really been down with you not around and I know for a fact that she likes you back.”

“And how are you so sure?” Jeno joins in, looking way too concentrated on the game to be butting in on a conversation. “It’s a twin thing, take that knowledge as you will.” The rest of the evening until they had to get dressed went without you being the topic of conversation, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t leave Haechan’s mind. With the knowledge he now had, he knew exactly what he needed to do when he saw you tonight and it starts out by getting to the dance early.

After you and the girls finished getting dressed, doing your hair and applying minimal makeup, it was time to head out and off to the dance you went after taking way too many pictures for your brother and parents. You were partly nervous to see Haechan in the crowd, but you kept telling yourself to keep it cool if you did. Keep it cool, how hard could that be? Very hard actually, seeing as the moment you walked in, he was near the entrance and looked way too good for your liking. Looking around, Haechan was impatiently waiting for you to arrive, a feeling of relief washing over him when he finally sees you. Your eyes lock with his and for a moment, he can’t seem to catch the breath you took from him. He doesn’t do well in math, but with the light hitting you in just the right spot and you overall looking breathtaking, it’s all adding up in his head how down bad he is for you.

Moving through the people coming in, he directly goes to you and gently grabs your hand. “Hi.” Smiling up at him, you can see the slight shade of pink in his cheeks. “Hi, hyuck.” If he were to fall out and go to heaven now, he would honestly be content with the use of a nickname from you for him. “Wanna take pictures with me?” Nodding, you let him lead you over to the photographer and a sudden sense of deja vu rushed over you as you think back to the day you two danced in the rain. Standing in line, the two of you were next up and after getting in a recommended position, your first picture of the night was taken. “Another one, this time, show me you’re in love.” Nodding at the photographer's second suggestion, you turn your head to Haechan who was leaning in. You weren’t sure where this was going, but you closed your eyes and braced yourself for whatever was going to happen. When his soft lips were met with your forehead, the picture was taken and the both of you left with red cheeks and racing hearts.

The lights weren’t dark just yet, but they were starting to dim as you two lingered around the dance floor. You spotted Heeseung from across the room and he sent you a thumbs up as you held Haechan’s hand. “Alright, let’s kick things off tonight with a special request from a certain someone who’s ready to tell his girl how he feels.” Haechan looked way too nervous to not have anything to do with the random song request as he led you out to the middle of the dance floor. Some students started to step back and give the two of you space as a single light shines down on you both. It started to feel like a movie, only this time it was your life. “Na Y/n, I’ve been waiting for this answer for quite some time now and if it hasn’t been obvious, I’m head over heels for you, so will you do me the honor and be my date to the valentines dance?”

You were sure your face was just as pink as your dress, covering your mouth to hide the fact that it was hung open. “Yes, I’d love to be your date.” As dramatic as it sounds, people clapped around you and when the song started to play, you took his hand and pulled him into your arms. The two of you slow-danced to songs that had your heart melting against his warm touch and the songs that were a little more upbeat was the perfect opportunity for you to ditch your date and dance amongst your friends while all of you smiled back at the boys who watched in envy. After the first couple of hours, you were ultimately exhausted and stepped off the floor to go get something to drink.

Haechan followed behind you, stopping at the drink station while you took the time to rehydrate. “Do you hear that?” He mumbled, staring off at the entrance which also doubled as the exit. “Hear what, hyuck?” A slow grin formed amongst his lips before he grabbed your hand and started to walk away. “Where are we going, hyuck I’m still thirsty!” You tried to protest with him, pulling him back to the station. After thinking you had won, you took another sip before being swept off your feet—literally. Haechan had scooped you up bridal style and started running out the exit with a childlike smile on his face. “Lee Haechan put me dow—oh!” When the two of you were now outside, you realized why he was so eager to come out and immediately started laughing as the two of you felt your clothes soaking up the rain that was falling down.

Putting you down, he immediately pulled you against him and held your waist. “I’m not gonna make the same mistakes I did before.” Smiling softly at him with your hands resting on his shoulders, you rub at his neck. “Making up for lost time, I guess.” He shook his head, laughing under his breath before leaning in and connecting his lips to yours. The feeling felt almost electric, a spark going through your body and spreading chills across your skin. You never knew a kiss, a simple kiss could captivate you the way it is now. Maybe it was because the two of you had longed for this for too long and a mix of the rain and the salt from your sweat coming down onto your lips, whatever it was, you knew you’d made the right decision the day you wrote a failed attempt at a love letter. Even if it didn’t end up in the right locker number, locker #66 would forever be your favorite.

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injoontz · 1 year ago

Text

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ⎯⎯ 𝐩.𝐣𝐬

series. love letters pairing. park jisung x fem!oc starring. park jisung, im sohyun (oc) featuring. huang renjun, zhong chenle genre. high school au, fluff warnings. none word count. 3.3k

synopsis. in which park jisung struggles to confess his feelings to his crush song. 10 months ⎯ about wanting to be someone’s lover but they keep treating them like a kid

The only thing he ever knew was her beaming smile and teasing words.

It was endearing.

Kind of.

Actually, Jisung was fed up with it.

Despite that, he never wanted to show it. He didn’t want to say anything for fear that he would upset her. Jisung didn’t want Sohyun to suddenly change how she acted around him because of something he said.

Jisung was always very careful whenever he spent time with Sohyun. He wanted to say it was because she was older than him, but in reality, Jisung knew that he just had absolutely no experience at all when it came to girls.

Im Sohyun was Jisung first girl friend.

Girl-space-friend.

Sometimes Jisung resented that.

He was convinced that if Sohyun wasn’t in the grade above him he would be able to act normally around her. Jisung liked to think that if Sohyun were his age, he could confidently confess his feelings to her. Unfortunately for Jisung, she was ten months older than him.

“What are you daydreaming about this time?”

Jisung was jolted from his thoughts when Chenle sat down at the desk in front of him. Jisung’s eyes snapped to Chenle and he sighed. Chenle was in Jisung’s grade, but for the first time ever, the two friends weren’t in the same class.

Chenle and Jisung had been in the same class together since they started going middle school. However, despite not being in the same class, Jisung and Chenle were each other’s neighbors, so Jisung saw plenty of Chenle every day.

Being born less than four months apart, Jisung could comfortably say that he would never be caught dead calling Chenle “hyung”. Jisung didn’t think his pride could handle that.

“Oh,” Chenle smirked, “I know exactly what you’re daydreaming about,”

Jisung made a face, “And what’s that?”

The face that Chenle gave Jisung only made Jisung’s disapproving expression deepen as Chenle leaned closer to Jisung. Jisung leaned away from Chenle but the older boy grabbed him by his collar and yanked him closer.

“This is about Sohyun, right?”

Jisung could feel Chenle’s smile on his ear as he jolted away from him. Jisung made yet another face at Chenle and shook his head.

“No, why would it be about her?” Jisung denied.

“Denial is a river in Egypt,” Chenle sang.

“You’ve been spending too much time on TikTok,” Jisung rolled his eyes as he shoved his friend’s face away from him.

Chenle shrugged, “Whatever,” he leaned back in his seat and gave Jisung a more serious expression, “Do you really not have any feelings for her?”

Jisung took a moment to think, trying to make it believable. Jisung had kept his feelings for Sohyun a secret pretty well. Even though Chenle was one of Jisung’s closest friends, he was still hesitant to confess his feelings for a senior out loud.

“No,” Jisung said.

“Oh, cool,” Chenle nodded, “One of the guys wants to ask her out so,”

Jisung froze, “Who?” he asked, trying to keep calm. Jisung tried his hardest not to seem eager or shocked by the statement, but in reality, he could feel his chest tighten. Suddenly, Jisung was breathing manually, trying to keep himself from demanding Chenle all the information he knew.

“Renjun,” Chenle replied easily, not picking up on Jisung’s behavior. “He’s in the same class as her, apparently they’ve been getting closer lately,”

Jisung pressed his lips together.

“He was thinking about asking her out after the retreat,” Chenle said.

Jisung just nodded. His cheeks puffed up a bit like they did when he was thinking or unsatisfied with something. Chenle stared at his friend before clearing his throat and jumping to his feet.

“Anyways,” Chenle tried to say, “It’s meeting time right?”

Jisung nodded, “We’re going over the final details for the retreat,” he said, “Has Haeun been talking to you about it?”

Chenle nodded, “Yeah,” he signed as they made their way down the hall to the meeting room, “I think she’s pretty stressed out about her role as the class president. She’s been freaking out about this retreat for the past few weeks,”

Jisung hummed gently. He knew how Haeun got when things stressed her out. Chenle was the student representative for his class but with Haeun in his class, he often heard all of her panicked rants. But despite Chenle’s constant complaints about the girl, Jisung knew that Chenle secretly had a crush on her.

Jisung, himself, was a class representative, and that was the main reason he knew Sohyun. Sohyun was the student council president. Renjun was the vice president.

When Jisung and Chenle made it to the meeting room, almost everyone else was there already. A few people trickled in behind Jisung and Chenle, including Haeun. The girl made her way over and sat down next to Chenle.

“Is everyone here?” Haeun whispered to Chenle as she took out her notebook.

Chenle shook his head, “I think we’re still waiting on some of the third-year reps, and the presidents,”

Haeun sighed as she flipped through the pages of her notebook, “We still have a lot to go over,”

Chenle chuckled, “I think we’re in pretty good condition,”

The door to the meeting room opened again as the last few members of the student council walked in. Jisung’s expression brightened a bit as Sohyun and Renjun stepped into the room.

Sohyun’s eyes fell on Jisung and she waved to him with a bright smile. Before Jisung could wave back, Sohyun was quickly greeted by her peers, all of whom ran up to her to ask about her week. Sohyun replied to them kind-heartedly, but her eyes kept drifting to Jisung.

When Sohyun finally managed to get everyone back to their seats, she made her way around and stopped next to Jisung. Her smile was contagious and Jisung couldn’t help but smile right back at her.

“Hi,” he said.

Sohyun smiled, “Hey,”

“Hello,” Renjun appeared behind Sohyun. “You’re blocking the way, Sohyun,” Renjun joked, “Come on, let’s go,” he gently took her arm and pulled her toward their seats leaving Jisung.

Jisung watched as they sat down and turned away. His cheeks puffed up a bit as he let out a sigh. Sohyun glanced at Jisung and noticed his puffy cheeks and smiled to herself. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick to Jisung.

Jisung glanced at his phone and felt his cheeks heat up.

Don’t pout, Jisungie :) The text read.

“Alright,” Sohyun turned back to the group and pulled out her notebook, “let’s get this meeting on the road,” she smiled at the others and they all nodded.

Jisung tried his hardest to pay attention to the meeting. He really did, but his mind kept wandering to Sohyun. He liked how her delicate features were framed by her long hair. Her eyes crinkled happily whenever someone brought up a good idea. Or her lips would play into a gentle pout when she was thinking hard.

“Last thing,” Sohyun said bringing Jisung out of his trance. “We have funding from the school to buy some materials for s’mores. We just need some volunteers to go out and buy them when we get to the location of our retreat. Unfortunately, that would mean that you might miss some of the activities,”

Some of the student council members all looked around, seeing if anyone would want to volunteer. No one wanted to miss any of the activities during the retreat.

“I’ll go,” Jisung said eventually and raised his hand.

If he was being honest, he didn’t really care if he missed out on some of the retreat activities. They were fun, but Jisung wouldn’t be horribly disappointed if he missed one or two.

“Alright,” Sohyun smiled, “Jisungie, Renjun, me, and it would be nice if one more person joined,” Sohyun looked around the group.

Jisung kicked Chenle from under the table. The boy glared at Jisung, who gave him a pointed look. The two seemed to be having a silent argument with their eyes. Sohyun couldn’t help but find their behavior amusing.

Finally, Chenle sighed and raised his hand.

“I’ll go too,” he said with a defeated look at Jisung.

“Perfect,” she smiled as she wrote down Chenle’s name, “Alright, you are all free to go,” Sohyun said to end the meeting.

As Jisung was packing up he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Sohyun smiled brightly up at him and Jisung felt his stomach do a little backflip. He immediately felt self-conscious standing next to the girl. Sohyun was tall for a girl but despite that Jisung felt just a bit too tall compared to her. His hair hung too low in his eyes and his lips were suddenly chapped.

“Jisungie, what are your plans for this afternoon?” Sohyun asked.

“Not much,” Jisung said. “Chenle and I were going to head back home,”

Sohyun smiled, “Want to join me and Renjun? We’re going to a cafe,”

Jisung glanced at Renjun, who seemed to be in the middle of a conversation with Chenle. He looked back at Sohyun hesitantly, “Are you sure, noona?” he asked.

In his mind, if Renjun was planning on confessing to Sohyun, it meant that Sohyun must have shown some sort of interest in Renjun to have the latter convinced that it would be a good idea to confess. He didn’t want to come in between them if that was the case.

Sohyun laughed at Jisung’s nervousness, “You’re so cute,” she gently pinched Jisung’s cheek, to which he just rubbed it gently when she let go. “Of course, you can join us.”

Jisung blushed at Sohyun’s comment, “Right,” he looked away, suddenly having trouble meeting Sohyun’s bright eyes.

She seemed to notice his nervousness and couldn’t help but suppress a smile. Sohyun pressed her lips tightly together and pretended to rub her nose to hide the downturned smile that forced its way to her face.

When the four got to the cafe, Sohyun offered to go place the order for the group. As she went to the counter, the three boys found a table by the window to wait for her to return. Jisung sat down and pulled his phone out to start playing his game. Renjun glanced at Jisung before looking at Chenle.

“Hey, Jisung,” Renjun said eventually.

“Hmm?” Jisung asked not looking away from his game.

“Do you have feelings for Sohyun?”

Jisung paused and looked up at Renjun. The older boy seemed to be very serious about the topic and it made Jisung fidget in his seat.

“Uh, no,” Jisung said.

“That sounded like a question,” Renjun replied.

“Hyung, let’s talk about this later,” Jisung said trying to evade the topic. But now Renjun was giving Jisung a funny look. Jisung pressed his lips together and looked away. His eyes drifted to Sohyun as she made her way back.

As Sohyun sat down next to Renjun, she noticed the oddly tense air between the three boys. “They said it would be out in a few minutes,” she smiled trying to diffuse the tension. Renjun nodded and turned to Chenle with a smile.

“Anything new you want to tell us about?” Renjun smiled. “Maybe between you and Haeun?”

Chenle shook his head, “Not to you,” he rolled his eyes and Renjun reached over to grab Chenle by the ear.

“Hey, that’s ‘hyung’ to you, you little brat,” Renjun scolded Chenle.

Sohyun smiled at the boy’s bantering and glanced at Jisung. Their eyes met and he quickly tore them away. His lips pressed into a tight line as he turned his attention back to the phone, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

– – –

“Did we get everything we needed?” Sohyun asked as Chenle and Jisung joined her and Renjun in the line for the cash register.

Renjun glanced back at Jisung, who held a whole basket of marshmallows in his hand. He turned forward again, counting the money that the school had given them. Jisung cleared his throat and nodded in response to Sohyun.

It had been a while since Renjun confronted Jisung about his feelings toward Sohyun. For the most part, the boys had gone back to normal. But whenever Sohyun was with the two there was a tension that pulled between the two.

“Alright,” Sohyun smiled as she took the basket from Jisung. She gently ruffled his hair, “You’re so helpful, Jisungie” she beamed at him, as an older sister would to a younger brother.

Jisung pouted and Sohyun’s smile only brightened. He hated being treated like a child, especially when it came to Sohyun.

“Cutie,” she cooed before turning to the cashier and placing all their supplies down. Once the materials were paid for, the four decided to spend a little time walking around the area before heading back to the retreat location.

Sohyun and Renjun walked side by side talking about something that neither Chenle nor Jisung could hear. Chenle slid in next to Jisung and elbowed him in the side.

“What?” Jisung rolled his eyes.

“You like her,” he stated more than asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jisung replied.

“It does,” Chenle shook his head, “Because Renjun likes her too,”

Jisung frowned, “Well, lucky him. At least he’s not treated like a younger brother,”

Chenle frowned and opened his mouth to say something when Renjun stepped toward the boys. They both paused and looked toward the older boy, who seemed to be avoiding eye contact with them.

“Can we talk?” he asked Jisung.

Chenle looked back and forth between the two before rushing toward Sohyun, pulling her away to a food stand nearby. Jisung watched, his mouth slightly agape at his friend’s willingness to ditch him.

“Hey, Jisung,” Renjun said.

“Hmm?” Jisung immediately turned to his friend.

“I confessed to Sohyun,”

Jisung froze. His heart suddenly beat loudly in his ears and his hands tensed. He wanted to be happy for Renjun, but inside Jisung was screaming. He hated the idea of Sohyun possibly dating someone else. He didn’t want her to date someone.

Suddenly, Jisung was regretting everything he had done that entire year. He regretted not making more of an effort to spend time with Sohyun. He regretted not trying to act more mature so that she wouldn’t treat him like a kid.

He wanted to be the one that she could count on. He wanted to be the one that she could lean on and go to when she had a rough day. He didn’t want to be the “younger brother” friend. He didn’t want Sohyun to see him as a kid.

Even so, Jisung couldn’t tell Renjun that.

“That’s great, hyung,” Jisung smiled.

Renjun gave Jisung a look, he noticed Jisung’s tightly clenched hands despite his face smiling. Jisung’s body was tense and rigid but he still managed to put on a pretty good act. Renjun couldn’t help but chuckle at the younger boy.

“I got rejected,” Renjun said.

“What-?”

“She said that she likes someone else,” Renjun cut Jisung off.

Jisung couldn’t tell if he was relieved or upset. Of course, Jisung felt bad for his friend, but he also couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. Sohyun didn’t like Renjun.

“You should confess to her,” Renjun said as the two started walking toward Sohyun and Chenle.

“What?” Jisung asked in shock.

“I mean, you like her, right?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Then just confess,” Renjun smiled. He stopped a few feet away from Sohyun and Chenle and turned to face Jisung with a bright smile, “Something tells me that it will work out,”

– – –

Jisung could tell that Chenle and Renjun were scheming. Ever since Renjun told Jisung to confess to Sohyun, the two of them had been slowly getting further and further away from them. Whenever Jisung tried to sneak closer to them, they would shove him away

If Sohyun sensed anything, she didn’t show it. She would give Jisung a bright smile and either pinch his cheeks or mess up his hair.

“Hey,” Chenle called to the two, “Renjun and I are going to run back to the store to buy some drinks,”

“Oh, we’ll go with,” Sohyun said.

“Don’t worry,” Renjun waved his hand, already turning around to walk away, “It’ll only take a moment, we’ll meet you at the bus stop,”

Jisung gave a panicked look at the two boys, who only smiled at him brightly. Chenle winked at Jisung as he threw his arm around Renjun’s shoulder and the two boys disappeared. Jisung watched his friends disappear, an anxious feeling settling in.

“Jisungie,” Sohyun said causing Jisung to look down at the girl. “Let’s walk around a little more since they’ll take some time,”

Jisung nodded hesitantly and followed Sohyun. He walked behind her, watching as her long hair swayed back and forth. In the back of his mind, Renjun’s words kept repeating in his head.

“Just confess, something tells me that it will work out,”

Jisung could feel his heart hammering against his chest. Jisung fidgetted with his hands, unsure of where to hold them. His mouth suddenly went dry and he could feel his chest tighten in anticipation.

Sohyun hummed gently to herself, her hands held behind her back as the bag of marshmallows bumped into the back of her leg.

“Noona,” Jisung said staring at the back of Sohyun’s head. “I like you,”

There was only silence.

Why is there no response? Jisung thought to himself. Did I say it in my head?

“I know,” Sohyun finally said.

Jisung stopped. Sohyun stopped as well and turned to smile at Jisung. Her smile was no different than the ones that she usually gave him. If Jisung’s confession had her flustered, there was absolutely no sign on her face.

Jisung frowned gently. She didn’t take him seriously. She thought he was just joking.

“I’m being serious,”

“Who said I didn’t take it that way?” Sohyun smiled at Jisung. She turned on her heels and started to continue walking. Jisung followed after her a few paces behind. His eyes stuck to the back of her head.

Did I just get rejected? Jisung blinked in confusion.

“Jisung,” Sohyun stopped and smiled brightly at Jisung, “I like you too. Will you go out with me?”

The slow widening of his eyes only made Sohyun’s smile brighten. She laughed gently at his expression.

“Y-yeah,” Jisung stuttered. He felt his face heat up and quickly looked away from her.

Sohyun smiled and started walking again. “We should go, hopefully, Renjun and Chenle aren’t waiting for us at the bus stop,”

Jisung nodded and started to follow after Sohyun. His mind was still blank. Somehow he expected his confession to be much more… dramatic? Well, no. Maybe not dramatic, but he expected more of a response.

“Noona,” Jisung said, catching Sohyun’s attention, “How can you reply to my confession so nonchalantly? Were you not nervous at all?”

Sohyun looked up and Jisung and smirked, “Why? Should I have made a heart-racing confession?”

“No, it’s just,” Jisung looked away, his cheeks and ears suddenly feeling hot. He felt like a kid whenever he was with her. “I felt like my heart was going to explode. You didn’t seem fazed at all by my confession,”

Sohyun laughed gently, “If you didn’t like my reply, then you can always confess to me again,”

Jisung watched as she walked away, her hair swishing back and forth. A smile gently pushed its way onto his face and he took a few quick strides to fall in beside her. He reached down to take it the bag of s’mores materials away from her and then slipped his hand into hers.

“No, it was perfect,”

#park jisung #jisung #nct jisung #jisung nct #park jisung nct #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #wayv #high school au #jisung fic #jisung one shot #jisung high school au

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