#nct 2021 fic

[peachjaem00]

The moon to my stars

PAIRING; childhood best friend!jisung x fem reader

SYNOPSIS;  jisung has been in love with you forever but kept it a secret because he was too afraid to ruin your friendship. he had to endure watching you make a life without him until one day he could not hold it any longer, he couldn’t let the moon leave his stars. or jisung being a complete and absolute simp for the reader since he was a little boy. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS; twin brother! Haechan, jeno, yeji (itzy), jaemin, chenle, renjun

WC; 14.5k

THEMES; fluff, angst, pinning, friends to lovers, non idol! Jisung

WARNINGS; swearing, female reader, mentions of alcohol, mentions of blood, physical fight, mentions of bruises, jealousy

AN; based on my jisung’s timelapses [01:10 pm], [12:30 am], [02:00 pm]. you don't have to read the timestamps to understand the fic.

also big shoutout to @cappujeno and @ichorai for beta reading this and for their support, this fic would have not happen if it wasn't for your help!

taglist; @sadgirlroo @shwizhies @patitotodd

He was five when he saw you for the first time. 

Jisung was feeling anxious, his heart was beating fast and his hands were sweating, the movement of the car making him more nervous and the big truck behind them made him feel as if he was being chased, which only fueled his panic. His family was moving to the house in front of yours where you and Haechan were playing. You pushed your brother a little too hard, making him fall, and you laughed as a result. He couldn't stop looking at you—for some reason, you intrigued him. Maybe it was the way you helped your brother immediately right after he fell, maybe it was the way you started to console him by patting his head and fixing his hair, maybe it was the way you never stopped smiling. He still remembers what you were wearing; a light blue dress with a moon right on your chest, with white sneakers and your hair up in two pigtails. You looked adorable and he knew at that moment you had the prettiest pair of eyes. 

He got out of his parent's car and the sound of the door closing was loud enough to make you look his way. You were amazed by the big moving truck and when your eyes landed on him, you waved hello. Jisung was too nervous and didn't know what to do other than hide behind his mom. After the little interaction, she took Jisung's hand and walked inside their new home—he couldn't stop looking at you even while he was being brought inside. 

A few hours later a knock on the door made Jisung look up from his coloring book. It was his mom who opened the door and later on she asked Jisung to come to the entrance. He was surprised by your presence, along with your mother and your brother. Haechan looked exactly like his mom, and he was guessing you looked more like your dad. 

“Jisung, these are our neighbors. They live in the house right in front of us, say hi.” 

“Hey, little guy.” Your mom was the first one to talk and by seeing how nervous Jisung was she smiled. 

“Hi, I'm y/n, very nice to meet you.” You extended your hand and he noticed a silver bracelet on your wrist. It looked big on you, but you didn't seem to care. 

“I'm Jisung,” he said with very pink cheeks while grabbing your hand and letting it go almost immediately. 

“This is my brother Donghyuck, but we call him Haechan.” 

“Hey, only my friends call me that.” 

“Well Jisung is our friend now, dummy.” Jisung laughed, so did his mother and yours. 

“Mom! Don't laugh, say something.” Haechan furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest, Jisung noticed that he had the same bracelet as you. 

“Y/n, we've talked about this.” Your mom’s stern tone made you look down.

“Yeah alright…” There was a defeated tone in your voice. “I’m sorry.”

“That was so fake.” Haechan pokes his tongue out and you copy his actions. 

“Kids, behave.” It only took one look from your mother to stop the bickering between you two. “Now y/n, why don't you ask Jisung's mom the thing you wanted when you saw him earlier?”

“Oh right!” The excitement in your eyes made them look even prettier, making Jisung's heart race. “Can Jisung come play with us? I promise we will take care of him and we'll have him home before it gets dark.” You gave Jisung's mom your puppy eyes and she couldn't help but laugh at your cuteness; meanwhile, Jisung was trying to calm himself. 

“I have no problem, but let's see what Jisung has to say, okay?” All eyes were on him, making him hide behind his mom once again, a habit that he does till this day. 

You noticed how shy and nervous he was, so you came closer, grabbing his hand and rubbing your little thumb on his knuckles in an attempt to calm him down. 

“Do you want to come and play? I promise we're nice people,” you said in the softest voice. It only took a look into your eyes to make Jisung forget about his shyness, the warmth in them was enough to make him feel safe. 

“Yes.” His voice was a whisper but he knew you heard him since your smile grew wider. 

“Great! Let’s go!” You pulled his hand along with your brother’s and bolted out of there with the boys following you. “Thanks Jisung's mom, I'll take good care of him, I promise!”

And that's what you did. You took care of Jisung that whole afternoon, the day after and the one after that. You kept your promise to Mrs. Park and you took care of her son up until this day. 

He was 10 years old when he discovered he had a crush on you. 

You and Donghyuck were going into your first year of junior high while Jisung was still in elementary school. He was distressed, to say the least. It was his first time going to school without the two of you, he felt lost and lonely. You three would walk together to school; it had been a tradition for years, at least for him but now that you were going to another school, the tradition was broken. It was a very mundane thing but seeing you first thing in the morning always lifted his mood up. 

Despite moving to the neighbourhood 5 years ago, he had only managed to make 2 friends, you and your brother. He feared not making any new friends during those 2 years he had left of middle school before he could join you. 

He tried fixing his tie but no matter how much he tried, it always turned out a little crooked. He let out a tired sigh and gave up. He said goodbye to his parents and then he finally grabbed his backpack to leave the house. He was surprised by your presence in his front yard. You looked so pretty in your new uniform and you no longer wore your hair up. It was longer, soft and shiny as it lapped at your shoulders, gently stirred in the breeze, the sun giving it a lighter hue. Jisung let out a sigh while admiring you. 

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” he asked, confused.

“I'm walking you to school, duh,” you said with an obvious tone. 

“Why?” 

“What do you mean why? We've been walking to school together for years, Sung.” 

“I know, but you go to a new school now.” 

“You do know it's just around the corner, right?” you giggled while seeing his red cheeks when he realized. “And even if it was far away, I don't want you to walk to school alone. It's tradition that we do it together.” 

He felt his heart racing and a certain warmth hugging him, he thought he was the only one taking it as tradition. He was so happy to find out he wasn't alone and that it wasn’t a thing that you had to do but that you also looked forward to it.

“And Haechan hyung?” 

“He left earlier since he didn't want anyone to take the last seat of the central row.” You pause. “You know how he is,” you say pointedly, making the younger one laugh. “Here, let me help you.” You untied his tie and put it around your neck. Your fingers moved smoothly and before tying it completely you took it off. “Stay still.” You put the tie around the collar of his button up, you fixed it and finally you tied it up; your fingers brushed against his neck, making him feel chills, they were cold even though it was summer. “There you go.” You moved your hands and Jisung noticed your silver bracelet once again. 

He found out that you and Hacehan had the same bracelet, both of your names engraved plus a little sun for Donghyuck and a little moon for you. It was a gift from your parents when you turned two. You once confessed to him that it was your biggest treasure. 

 “C'mon we're gonna be late.” Whilst saying that, you started walking. 

You never talked much during your walks to school, but none of you cared. It was your little moment of peace before the chaos started.

“Are you nervous?” He looked at you when he heard your voice.

“Yes, very,” you chuckled, making him smile, he couldn't help himself. 

“You'll be okay.” 

“Yeah, I don't think so.” He lets out a nervous giggle. “It's gonna be hard without you there.” 

“C’mon Jisung, you're really nice and such a good person. You just need to make the first move or keep the conversation going if someone starts one.”

“I'm terrible at it.” His tone was dejected.

“You have become much better though, Hyuck and I have taught you well. Don't tell me you have forgotten everything?” You giggled. 

“No.” His voice held a panicked tone. “It’s just that, why would people want to be friends with me? I never talk.” 

“Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.” Your voice was serious. “You’re loyal, funny and caring. They would be very stupid if they didn't want to be friends with you.” He noticed your anger when he looked at you.

You arrived at his school after finishing the conversation. You grabbed his hand before he could go in, making him face you. 

“You're gonna be okay. Don't worry about it too much, and have fun.” You fixed his tie one last time. “I'll come for you when school is done.” And when you fix your own hair, he noticed that your bracelet fell off. “I have to go or I'll be late, see you later!” You ran off before he could say anything else. 

Jisung was quick to grab the bracelet and put it in his pocket making sure it was safe before going in. 

“She believes in you. You can do it, Park Jisung,” he told himself and then he went on to his first class. 

School went by and it wasn't as horrible as he thought. There was a new student, who introduced himself as Chenle—he was a transfer student from China. Jisung took this as an opportunity, he went and introduced himself and helped him throughout the whole day, making sure the new kid knew where his classes were, who his teachers were etcetera… He made sure to make a good impression hoping that Chenle would want to see and talk to him again. 

The last bell rang and Jisung grabbed his things. He went to his locker, put away some books and grabbed the ones that he needed. He said goodbye to Chenle and went to his school's exit. 

“Jisung!” You waved your hand so he would be able to see you. 

He smiled to himself and he jogged to be by your side. 

“So, how was school?” 

Jisung told you everything about his hopefully new friend and the way you looked at him, made his little heart race. He was so happy not only because he was able to talk to someone but because you were so proud of him. After his little ramble he asked about your day, you told him about how boring it was and how teachers were already nagging you about your twin. You also told him about your new friends and about the classes you were excited for. 

“Well here we are,” you said while stopping by Jisung's house first. “See you tomorrow.” You gave him a smile and fixed your hair once again, making Jisung notice about your missing bracelet. 

 “Wait!” He noticed he yelled so he cleared his throat to play it off. “Here.” He reached for his pocket and got the bracelet out. “It fell this morning so I kept it with me to give it back, I know how much it means to you.” 

“Oh my god, my bracelet!” You grabbed it and quickly put it on so it won't fall again. “Thank you so much! You literally saved my life.” You hugged him tightly, not being able to know how else you can express your gratitude.

When your arms surrounded Jisung, he couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy, he knew his cheeks were red and he really hoped you didn't notice how fast his heart was racing. He hugged you back and it felt nice. Your hair smelled like vanilla, your perfume like roses, you engulfed him but he didn't care, he was happy to drown in your embrace. 

After breaking the hug you said goodbye once again, you thanked him and finally, you gave him a little kiss on his cheek. He watched you until you were inside your home and you closed the door; he just stood there, being dumbfounded, grabbing the cheek you pecked. 

“Jisung? Aren't you coming in?” His mom snapped him out of his trance. “C’mon, food's getting cold.” 

Jisung went on with his day but he couldn't stop thinking about you. He couldn't stop thinking about how cute you looked with your new uniform, or how good you looked with your long hair, or how your hug made him feel so soft and he definitely couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. That little kiss, that meaningless kiss that only showed your gratitude, that insignificant kiss that meant everything for him. His cheeks flush all over again no matter how many times he thought about it. 

He was on his bed, trying to sleep, but he was wide awake, his chest heavy and his mind was empty, only you in it. He didn't understand why. Why was he thinking so much about his friend? Why did that hug feel so nice? Why did that kiss make him so flustered? Why couldn't he get you out of his mind? Or maybe he knew, maybe he had known for a while but he didn't want to admit it…

“Oh no…” 

He was 15 years old when he realized he was in love with you. 

It was the beginning of the second semester of Jisung’s first highschool year, he was still a freshman while you were in your junior year. You were quite popular alongside your brother, having friends in all the years, especially seniors, therefore you were always invited to the parties. This year you invited Jisung to one alongside his friend Chenle, it was his first time attending a party from upperclassmen. He was making sure his hair looked nice, and that his outfit seemed neat, he was nervous as always.

“Stop, you're gonna mess your hair even more,” Chenle said with a mocking tone. 

“Oh no, my hair looks messy?” Chenle let out a big laugh by seeing his scared eyes. 

“I was joking, geez.” 

“You're such an asshole, you know how nervous I get when I'm with her.” 

“I know, because you love her.” Chenle’s singsong tone made Jisung even angrier. 

“I don't love her.” 

“Oh please, yes you do! You're so in love with her, it's painful to watch, dude.” 

Jisung was about to say something but he was stopped by the sound of his doorbell. 

“Jisung! Y/n is here, hurry!” his mom shouted from downstairs. 

They quickly grabbed their stuff and they went downstairs. He stopped midway by seeing you, being totally enamoured by the sight of you. You put makeup on, enhancing your beauty, the gloss made your lips look plumper—he could only think of how much he wanted to kiss them. You cut your hair after years of having it long, he thought you looked adorable but somehow you also looked a little more mature, as if having long hair gave you a kind of child-like aura. Your outfit was heavily planned but it seemed effortless and he smiled seeing you were wearing the jacket he gifted you for your last birthday. 

“Wow,” he whispered to himself. You landed your eyes on him and his heart skipped a beat. 

“C'mon Sung, Hyuck is waiting and you know how whiny he can get.” He snapped out of his trance and followed you out after saying goodbye to his mom. 

“Don't worry Mrs. Park, you know I'll take good care of him.” Jisung's mom smiled. She loves the fact that you have stayed loyal to the promise you made to her 10 years ago. 

As soon as you entered the car, you grabbed the aux cord and started playing one of your playlist, making your twin nag and try to steal the cord from you. You turned the volume knob so you wouldn't be able to hear him, making the younger ones laugh and your twin to stick his tongue out to you; you answered the same way, a thing you have done ever since you were little. 

You sang all the way to the house, laughing at your horrible voice but you didn't care, you still sang with all of your energy. Haechan parked the car and you entered the party together, your twin was quick to disappear making Jisung nervous but when he felt your hand in his, rubbing his knuckles like you always do, he could feel his heart easing down, it also helped seeing Jaemin and Renjun. They were Haechan's friends first but since Jisung hung out with you two almost everyday, they eventually became his friends as well. 

You never left Jisung's side, you know he can get really nervous whenever he's in a new social situation, and a senior party is a very wild place to be, one that you know Jisung is not really used to. You took Chenle and Jisung to the dance floor, you gave them stuff to drink -not alcohol because you know Mrs. Park would kill you-, you introduced them to your friends and you made sure they were feeling comfortable. 

While you were doing all of that, Jisung couldn't stop looking at you, being so grateful to you for not leaving them; everyone noticed his heart eyes towards you but no one said anything about it, instead they planned a little something. 

“Let's play spin the bottle!” Jaemin said with excitement while he shook the empty bottle in his hand. 

“For real? What are we, five?” you said, mocking him. 

“C'mon y/n, don't be like that, it'll be fun.” Yeji, your other best friend besides Jisung, nudged your arm and made you sit down next to her. Renjun made Jisung and Chenle sit down in front of you. 

“Let 's go,” Jaemin said with a grin as he spinned the bottle. 

At the end of the day you were having fun, if people weren't able to kiss they had to take a shot, seeing their faces after it made you laugh so hard; Jisung couldn't take his eyes off you. 

“Okay, miss y/n, your turn.” Renjun placed the bottle in the middle and gave you a mischievous smile. 

You gave the bottle a spin. Everyone was paying attention, hoping it landed on Jisung. The younger one watched the bottle spin until it stopped, everyone went quiet by seeing in who it landed. 

“Guess, we have to kiss now?” you said while looking at Jeno. 

“I guess we do.” He smiled and got near you. 

You met him halfway and connected your lips. The kiss lasted seconds but to Jisung it seemed hours. He despised every moment of it and a sigh of relief left his lips when you two broke the kiss. He gave Jeno a death glare. He hated him and he wanted him to disappear forever. When he looked at you his heart sank. His hope was gone. He started shaking slightly out of fear. You were happy, hell, more than happy. You were thrilled. Your eyes were glowing with eagerness, they only glowed like that when you were really excited or when you were overwhelmed in the best way possible. You liked Jeno, even if you weren't aware of it yet Jisung knew because he knew you better than himself. He knew all of your mannerisms, your habits and after 10 years of friendship he was an expert at reading your eyes. It broke him knowing you were glowing because of Jeno, and not because of him. 

“I have to go and get some fresh air, my head is starting to ache,” he announced. Not that many were paying attention to him anyway. 

He quickly stood up and went to the backyard of  the house. The party was there too, but the music wasn't as loud, and it wasn't as crowded. He found a lonely corner and he went there for a little while, thinking about why it hurt so much if it was only a little crush, a little crush that had been going strong for 5 years now. 

“Oh no,” he said when it hit him. “Oh no, please no.” He massaged his temples, maybe that would help with the now real headache that was happening. “Fucking hell, why me?” He said looking up, asking the stars for an answer. “Why would you do this to me?” He looked directly at the moon who looked beautiful as always, trying to find comfort but it didn't work; she had always been helpful but that night, that night it felt as if she was mocking him and it didn't help the fact that it was in a waxing crescent. She was smiling down at him, it seemed as if she was laughing. 

“Who are you talking to?” 

“Ah! Fuck!” He jumped on his spot and put a hand on his chest trying to control his racing heart. “Don't do that, you scared the shit out of me!” He smacked Chenle's arm while the other tried to control his laughter. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” he said in between giggles. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn't I be?” 

“Well you stormed out of the room, and then I caught you talking to yourself outloud. I don't know how to tell you this but that's not normal dude.” The mocking tone in his voice made the younger one roll his eyes. 

“I knew that.” 

“As much as I love making fun of your antics, can you tell me what's wrong? Is it because y/n kissed Jeno?” Jisung stayed quiet but he didn't have to say anything, his face, especially his eyes gave away the answer. “Of course it's that.” Chenle looked up and a sigh left his lips. “It's just a stupid game Jisung, don't take it seriously.” 

“No, you don't know her like I do, you didn't notice but it meant more to her, it was more than just a stupid kiss to her.” He looked down and his hand found its way to his eyes, in an attempt to stop the tears from coming down. “You couldn't see it but her eyes screamed with excitement. Ugh! This is bad! This is terrible!” His hands proceeded to pass through his hair, messing it up but at this point, the boy didn't care if it was messy or not. 

“Oh, c'mon dude, calm down.” 

“I can't because you were right.” 

“About what?” 

“I do love her.” 

“What?” The confusion was evident in his face, but then it hit him. “Holy shit! Are you for real? Bro I was joking, like I knew you had a big crush on her but I never thought it was this serious.” 

“Yeah, I thought so too but seeing her kiss Jeno.” He rubbed his eyes and then he let out a tired sigh. “It made me so angry? No, is not that. Sad?”

“Disappointed,” Chenle finished his sentence. He always knew what Jisung meant even when Jisung himself couldn’t find the right word. 

“Yeah. I felt my heart sink, it broke me a little.” 

“Shit, dude.” 

“I know.” He leaned on the wall and slowly slid down until he was sitting on the floor. 

Chenle sat down by his side, he sneaked his arm around Jisung's shoulders and patted him softly, trying to comfort his friend. 

“Tell her.” 

“What?”

“About how you feel.” 

“Are you stupid? No way, she will never feel the same. She only sees me as her neighbour.”

“Oh, c'mon, you know that's not true. She hates it when you say that, you're her friend.” 

“Exactly, we're friends, I don't want to ruin that.” 

“What makes you so sure it will ruin your friendship?”

“Because she won't reciprocate my feelings and then it will be awkward and little by little, we will drift apart and I don't want that, I can't have that.” He was exhausted.

“It will be okay dude.” Chenle hugged him.

“No it won't.” He looked up once again. 

The moon was no longer mocking him, she was inconsolable. She knew how heartbroken the boy was and it made her angry not knowing how to comfort him. She had been helpful towards the boy for years now, always making him feel safe whenever he sought calmness, but tonight she cried alongside him. 

He was 16 years old when he got in a fight.

You and Jeno were going strong, almost a year has passed since that party and 10 months since you started dating. 

He hated every single second of it. It broke him having to hear you talk about how dreamy he was, and how he's the best boyfriend and the worst thing is that he wanted to hate him, but he couldn't. He made you so happy, and that was what mattered. He suffered but seeing your smile was worth all the pain. 

Your graduation was coming, meaning prom was just around the corner. Of course you got Jisung and Chenle tickets, you wanted to spend the night with the people closest to you. It was going to be the perfect night, you made sure of it. In fact the only reason why you wanted to be president of the student council was to have full control of prom night; no one was going to ruin your special night. 

You ran down the stairs the second you heard the ringbell. You opened the door and Jisung was there, waiting for you. 

“Jesus, Jisung, hurry up!” You dragged him inside by his arm, making him lose his balance and almost falling. “We don't have much time!” He straightened his position and acted as if nothing happened.

“Isn't it at like 9?” he asked, confused.

“Yeah, so what?” 

“Y/n, it's 2pm, I think we have plenty of time.” There was a mocking tone in his voice, making you death glare at him, his smile disappeared in seconds. 

“We have to go pick up your suit and Hyuck's, then my dress, then I have to come back here to drop both of you off, then I have to go to my hair and makeup appointment and then come back once again to finish getting ready, plus I have to be like an hour early since I'm the president.” 

“Why do you have to drop us off? We'll go with you.” 

“Really? You don't mind?” 

“Not at all, it'll save us lots of time.” 

“Thank you.” Your eyes were soft and the gratitude was evident in your tone. “Okay then let's go. Lee Donghyuck get your ass down now!” Jisung covered his ears, he didn't expect that scream. “Shit, sorry.” You laughed, making him smile. 

“Dude, don't scream!” Haechan made an act of presence. “I'm here, don't get all crazy, geez.” 

“Stop whining and get your ass moving.” And it only took one glare to make him silent and obedient. 

You may look like your dad but you had the same glare as your mom, making your brother very scared of you. This always made Jisung laugh, he never gets to see Haechan like this, so it's a treasure when he witnesses it. 

“What are you laughing about? Move!” you said with a stern tone. 

“Yes, ma'am.” He saluted and finally got out of the house. 

Both of you were halfway to the car when you noticed Haechan was still at the entrance, picking up the mail. 

“Hyuck, it's not the time! Move!” 

“It has the logo of The University of Sydney.” He showed a medium size envelope. “This is it y/n.” The colour left your face, your heart dropped to your stomach, you started shaking and your legs went limp. 

You went on a family vacation to Australia a few years ago and you loved every second of it. You automatically fell in love with Sydney and when you visited the university's campus with your brother you knew you had to attend that school. It had the best program for you, the classes were amazing with very famous professors. It was your perfect school.

Inside that envelope was the answer to your future. It stated if you were accepted into your dream college or if you were rejected; only the thought of not being able to go made you dizzy. You lost your balance but thank god for Jisung who was fast enough to catch you. 

“I can't, you do it.” You looked at your brother with pleading eyes. Your lips and throat went dry, making your voice sound out a little broken. 

“No fucking way!” Haechan refused immediately and got closer to Jisung. “You do it.” He handed him the envelope and Jisung was hesitant to take it.

“I don't know if I should.” 

“Please, for me? I can't bring myself to do it, Sung.” He looked at you and he melted; your eyes were literally begging him, how could he say no?

“Fine.” He let go of you with delicacy and grabbed the envelope.

He opened it and took out the letter slowly, afraid that it might rip if he hurried. All eyes were on him while he read the inside, no one could decipher what it said, his face was expressionless. Jisung read it slowly, making sure to comprehend what it said, to save himself the confusion and a possible breakdown from you if he said anything wrong. It's been only a few minutes but to everyone it felt like hours, you wanted to know but at the same time you didn't. You can't be rejected if you never knew the contents of the letter, right? Your brother, on the other hand, was impatient. 

“Say something already!” He startled everyone with his loud scream. 

Jisung looked at you with a little smile on his lips. He didn't have to say anything, you knew by looking into his eyes that everything was okay. You laughed and your eyes started to water and you were quick to engulf the younger one in your embrace. He held you close, savouring the moment since it may be one of the lasts for a long time. 

“Why are you hugging? Holy shit y/n, are you crying? What's going on?!”

“She got in.” The look on his eyes was filled with pride and happiness. 

He knew how hard you worked for this. He was there pulling all nighters by your side, being your number one hype man, having your back in the highs and lows. Jisung was there for you throughout the whole journey and to be honest, you couldn't imagine anyone else by your side, you were glad it was him. 

“Holy shit!” Your brother took you in his arms and hugged you, while making you jump and spin around together. “I'm so proud of you! You're going abroad! You're gonna live by yourself! You're getting everything you’ve always dreamed of!” 

“I know!” You match your brother's excited tone. “I gotta tell Jeno.” And just like that, Jisung's smile disappeared. Good for him that you didn't notice. 

After telling Jeno, your parents and Jisung's parents you finally went on with your day, and the busy schedule that you had ahead. 

After picking up the suits you went to pick up your dress. It was beautiful, a midnight blue dress with a subtle glitter to it, making it look like the night sky, it was backless and it had spaghetti straps. You didn't know this but Jisung convinced your mom to tell him the colour of your dress so he could buy the same colour tie. He wasn't going to be your date, but the least he wanted was to match. Then it was the hair and makeup appointment, Jisung and Haechan went to a nearby cafe to kill time while they waited for you, it was going to take a while. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked your brother when they're sitting down with some coffee and pastries. 

“A little bored but you know once we arrive at the party I'll be the star of the night.” A smirk on his lips, making the younger one laugh. 

“I meant, how do you feel knowing she's going away?” Haechan's smile disappeared and his eyes lost their playful glint.

“I'm happy for her.” He meant it but his voice had a bitter tone.

“Come on dude, it's me.” Haechan looked at him and found comfort in his eyes. In that moment he finally realised why you always did it, Jisung had the ability to let everyone feel at ease just by looking into his eyes. 

He lets out a sigh before speaking. 

“I'm happy for her, I really am but…” He played with the spoon of his drink, to calm his nerves. “I'm really gonna miss her…” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“No, Jisung you don't get it.” His tone was quickly changed for a serious one, his eyes went from sorrow to anger in a matter of seconds and his jaw tensed. “She has been by my side literally my whole life, she's my other half… We're the sun and the moon… How am I going to live without her here with me?” 

“Hey, it'll be okay, it's not like she's gone forever.” The younger one talked with his softest voice. “She's gonna visit and you know she'll come back. She will never leave you behind, at the end of the day, you are her other half as well.”  

“Yeah I guess…” He finally looked up from his drink. “Thanks, Jisung.” 

“No problem.” He gave him a smile which was reciprocated quickly and Haechan's eyes came back to being soft and happy again. 

A little while went by when you appeared at the coffee shop all dolled up. You looked beautiful; your hair was styled making your face look even prettier and the make up was perfect, it accentuated your features. Jisung couldn't take his eyes off of you. He was hypnotised, and being honest, he didn't want to be freed from your spell. 

“Holy shit dude,” your brother let out. “You look really pretty.”  

“Wow, you really mean that?” The nervousness was evident in your voice.

You weren't really sure about your makeup, you felt as if it was too much, and it made you feel a little insecure. The shades of colour that the woman picked weren't exactly in your comfort zone but you trusted her because at the end of the day, she was the expert. 

“Hundred percent! You look stunning! Right, Jisung?” He elbowed the younger one, trying to find support from him. 

Jisung was caught off guard since he was paying his undying attention to you. He snapped out of it and he went silent for a second. His cheeks were red, his mouth went dry and his hands were slightly shaking. 

“Yes, you look stunning.” His voice was almost nonexistent, he was afraid you weren't able to hear him but the smile on your face and the slight blush creeping up gave it away. 

“Thanks, Sungie.” The softness in your voice made him lightheaded. “Let's move, we still have to go home and finish.” 

The way back home was fun. You had the best taste in music and a talent of always picking the perfect songs for the right moment. The vibes were never off when you were the one in control of the music. 

When you arrived everyone went to their respective homes, you gave them until 7:45 to be ready or else you would leave without them, your glare made them both know you were dead serious. 

Jisung was in his room, he already had his suit on and once again he was struggling with his tie, he never got the hang of it. After failing for the fifth time he let out a tired sigh and went to his mom. He peeped his head into his parents room and found his mom in her bed reading a book. His dad was nowhere to be seen since he was out on a business trip. 

“What's up Jisung?” She didn't even have to look up, she felt her son's presence in a second. 

“Can you help me with my tie?” He was a little embarrassed when it hit him. He was a 16 year old boy who still needed help from his mom. It was quite adorable, really. 

“Of course, baby.” Her mocking tone made his cheeks get redder. 

“Ugh mom!” She laughed by hearing his whining and that made him smile. 

She got up and went closer to her son. She made the knot smoothly. Jisung was amazed with the fastness and how easy she made it look. His mom fixed his tie, then his collar and finally his blazer. He looked dashing, his hair was styled away from his forehead and she was proud knowing it was all his doing.

“You look so handsome.” 

“Thanks, mom.” The shyness was evident in his voice and he scratched the nape of his neck. 

“So…” 

“So… ?” he asked, confused. 

“Is this the night?” 

“The night of what?”

“The night you confess your feelings for y/n?”

“Oh my god, mom!” He was sick and tired of hearing this.

His mom found out about his crush on you even before he even realised, and she has insisted her son to confess for years now. She rooted for you knowing how enamoured he was, she also knew you had certain feelings for him, even though you weren't aware, moms always know best. 

“What?” She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, looking at her son in an accusatory way. 

“She has a boyfriend, and she’s going away soon. Why even bother?” 

“You have loved her for years Jisung, how much longer can you keep this a secret?” 

“As long as necessary.” His serious tone made her mom sighed. “It's her night, I don't want to ruin it.” 

“Fine.” He noticed the sadness in her eyes and he was quick to hug her. 

“It's okay mom, I'm okay,” he whispered and his mom tightened the hug. 

“Go, or you'll be late.” 

He broke the embrace, he gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek and he finally got out. He went back to his room and checked himself on the mirror one last time. He fixed a stray hair, he put on some rings, his watch (which you gifted him), a necklace and then he covered himself with some perfume (one that he knew was your favourite). He said goodbye to his mom and got out of the house. 

He was surprised by the presence of Jeno at your entrance, and he was even more surprised seeing him hesitating on whether he should knock or not. 

“Hey,” he said, startling the older one. Fuck, he looked good. 

“Jisung, hey.” Jisung did not miss the nervous tone and his eyes were shaking, something was off with Lee Jeno, and he was going to discover what. “You look good.” 

“Thanks, you too.” It hurt him saying that, knowing damn well you were gonna fall all over again for your boyfriend. “C'mon, let's get inside.” He just opened the door. It wasn't a surprise, Jisung has been coming here since he was five, it's his second home. 

“I'm here!” he announced his presence so no one worries. “Jeno hyung is here too.” 

“How did you get in?” Haechan was fixing his tie while coming down the stairs and he looked at Jeno confused.

“Jisung.” Jeno pointed at the younger one

“You gotta stop doing that dude,” he laughed while finally standing beside his friends. 

“I will when you stop doing the same at my house.” The younger one said in a challenging manner. 

“Okay fine, you win.” Haechan lifted his hands up in a sign of defeat. 

“You're ready to go?” Your voice made the three guys turn their heads. 

Every single one of them went silent by the sight of you. You looked absolutely stunning. The dress fitted your body in all the right places as if it was meant to be worn by you and it made your moles visible making your skin look like a starry night. The make up was perfect and your hair was also perfect, you looked perfect. Jisung's heart was racing and he was sure everyone could hear it, he couldn't take his eyes off of you, his mouth was dry and his hands were clammy. 

“Wow!” Jeno was the first one to break the silence. “Holy fuck, you look stunning! I can't believe this gorgeous woman is mine!” You could feel the heat come to your face, your smile was wide and the shyness was very evident. 

“Stop!” You hid your face. 

“Hey don't do that, people deserve to see your beauty.” Jeno took your hands off and he let out a sigh. “Fuck,” he whispered, he cupped your cheeks with his hands and then he kissed you.

Jisung looked away with teary eyes, oh how he wished that was him. 

“Sorry, I couldn't help myself,” Jeno said after breaking the kiss. 

“It's okay,” you whispered. Your cheeks were on fire and your eyes were shining like a galaxy. 

“Okay love birds, it's time to go.” Haechan was the first to speak after that scene. “C'mon, y/n! You were hurrying us before, move!” 

“I'll kill you Hyuck.” Your voice was serious and once again, your brother lifted his hands up. 

“Sorry.” And then he got out of the house. 

Jeno followed him out and you were left with Jisung. You looked at him and frowned by seeing his teary eyes. 

“Hey, Sung.” You came closer to him, you grabbed his hand and started caressing his knuckles with your thumb, like you always do. “What 's wrong?”

“Sorry it's just that, you look so pretty.” It may have been a half-assed lie but as long as you're happy. “And I'm happy I get to be with you during this night.” 

“Of course.” Your voice was soft and your touch was delicate. “You're my best friend, of course I wanted you here, with me, during this very important night.” He let out a sad giggle. “C'mon let's go.” You didn't let go of his hand throughout the whole ride to prom. 

When you arrived, Haechan and Jisung went to the gym to kill time while you made sure everything was perfect, Jeno went with you. Jisung couldn't stop looking at the both of you; you looked perfect and he loved seeing you in your president role, but Jeno, Jeno looked nervous. He followed you everywhere but he did it silently, he wasn't by your side, holding your waist like he usually does but instead he was behind you. He noticed how he was spacing out, in all this time knowing Jeno, he has never been caught off guard. 

Time passed by and the party finally started. You were at the door receiving and greeting everyone while your friends and brother danced together but after a while you decided it was time to drop formalities and have fun, so you went with your friends and started dancing. 

After a while you were called, it was time to announce the prom king and queen. You excused yourself and went backstage to prepare everything and made sure everything was perfect. You went up on stage, grabbed a microphone and asked for the band to turn it down a bit, making everyone whine a little but the moment they saw you up stage they knew what was happening. 

“Hello everyone, are you having a good time?” The crowd answered with whoops of excitement, which made your smile grow wider. “I'm glad to hear you're having fun. Well it's that time of the night.” You showed the envelope that was in your hands and the screams were louder this time. “Inside this envelope are the names of your next prom king and queen, are you ready?” 

“Yes!” everyone answered in unison, making you laugh. 

“Your prom king is…” You stopped to make a pause to build up the excitement. It also bought you a little time to open the envelope. You smile by reading the name in the piece of paper, feeling proud. “Lee Jeno!” Everyone shouted and started congratulating Jeno while he walked towards the stage. 

You gave him the ribbon that said “Prom King”, a little sceptre and you finally placed the crown on his head. You congratulated him and kissed him, not caring about all the viewers. 

“Okay now, the title that actually matters.” People laughed once again, making you feel a little proud, you have rehearsed that line for a month now. “And your prom queen is…” The drummer made a drum roll to build up tension and for you to read the words on the piece of paper. You smile once again. “Hwang Yeji!” 

Your best friend was shocked, she didn't expect it, making the moment more genuine. Jaemin, her date, walked her through the crowd and helped her up on stage since she was still in shock. You put on the ribbon and gave her the sceptre. After crowning her you hugged her tightly. 

“Congratulations babe, I'm so proud of you.” 

“Thank you.” She broke the hug and waved at the audience, making them shout even louder for her. 

“Okay now it's time for the king and queen's waltz so please clear the dance floor.”

People moved and the centre of the dance floor was empty. Jeno, Yeji and you got off of stage, you were quick to move aside, giving your boyfriend and friend the space so they could go and dance. You were puzzled by seeing them coming towards you and Jaemin. 

“Actually.” Jeno extended his hand towards you while Yeji and Jaemin went together to the dance floor. “Will you grant me this dance, beautiful lady?” 

“But you're supposed to dance with the queen, I'm not the queen.” Even though you're giving him reasons not to, you took his hand, and you let him guide you to join your friends. 

“You are my queen.” You couldn't help but feel your cheeks warm. “And besides, I really doubt people will say something about it, at the end of the day, I'm the king, and you're their president.” You both laughed and finally made it to the centre of the dance floor. 

You looked like the perfect couple to everyone that was watching. You and Jeno were described by your classmates as the perfect match, or a match made in heaven. To everyone, you were meant to be. 

Jisung watched you from afar, being overwhelmed by all his emotions. He was admiring you and at the same time he was being jealous of Jeno, he couldn't help but feel all his love for you overflowing his heart while all of his rage went towards Jeno. He felt so happy for you, seeing that you're enjoying the night but he despised the fact that you weren't with him. And he hated himself, he hated himself for being a coward and not telling you about his feelings, because now he is suffering the consequences. It was easy for him when you were single because in a way, he still had a chance, but when you got together with Jeno, all the hope he had (which wasn't much) was gone, crushed. 

He couldn't bear to look at you two anymore so he ran off out of there. He couldn't see how Jeno came close to your ear and asked you to go and talk outside. Jisung went into the first classroom, the tears were falling by themselves, he wanted them to stop but it was pointless, his heart was way too broken, the only thing it could do to fix itself was crying. His vision was blurry because of the tears so he didn't see you and Jeno coming in. He was on the other side of the room and the lights were off so he was almost invisible, neither Jeno or you noticed the younger one. Jisung hid himself when he heard the door being closed. 

“What did you want to talk about?” He froze even more on his spot by hearing your voice. He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop someone's conversation but it was you. 

“It's about you leaving.” Jeno's voice was really low, Jisung could barely hear it. “You know how we talked about it at the start of our relationship, you said if I felt comfortable with it we could try long distance.” 

“Yeah?” Your tone was worried, Jisung could picture you perfectly, fidgeting with your bracelet. 

“I don't think I can do it.” You could hear the pain in Jeno's voice and so did Jisung, even though he didn't like him, he empathized with him. 

“I mean I told you about it today, and I'm not leaving until like 2 months, we can talk about it and figure it out. Think about it, please.” The pleading in your voice made Jisung sneak a peek. 

You were holding Jeno's hands, your eyes were begging him and it made him furious. You should never be begging anyone to stay with you. To him, you deserve the best of the best. The rage was pooling inside of him, he almost came out and confronted Jeno. 

“The thing is that I have, ever since you told me you were planning on going away I've been thinking about it. I tried y/n, I really tried but I can't.” Jisung noticed your eyes watering, his hands were in fists to the point where his knuckles were white. “I love you so much but not enough to wait for you.” In that moment you could feel your heart break, the tears streamed down automatically. Jisung couldn't contain himself anymore and he came out. 

“You fucking asshole!” And after that he punched Jeno in the face, making his lip bleed. “How fucking dare you!?” And another, he could hear your screaming but he was blinded by rage. “You don't love her enough!? Then you never loved her in the first place!” And another, and another and another. 

“Jisung, stop! Are you insane!?” You tried to grab him but it was useless. 

Jeno was taken back at first but when the surprise passed he grabbed Jisung's hand and then he hit him back, so the fight started being reciprocated. 

Jisung had the advantage since Jeno was surprised by the attack but as soon as the older one gained consciousness, Jisung started to get in trouble. Of course he knew Jeno was stronger and better, but he didn't care, he was furious. Jeno didn't appreciate you enough to try, he didn't realise how lucky he was for having you by his side, he wasn't willing to sacrifice for you the way he was. Because Jisung would do anything if it meant being by your side. 

“Stop! Stop it!” You somehow got a grip on Jeno's arm and yanked him away from Jisung. “What the fuck is wrong with you!?! Are you animals!?” You were furious, Jisung has known you for years and he has never seen you this angry. 

Jisung was trying to regulate his breathing as well as Jeno, none of them dared to look at you. But, you looked at both of them, feeling disappointed and heartbroken. You looked at Jisung, his nose was bleeding, his right eye started to get black and his left eyebrow was also bleeding; you looked at Jeno, his lip was bleeding and his cheekbone was red. You let out a sigh before speaking. 

“Jeno, I think you should leave.” He looked at you in disbelief. 

“Are you kidding me?” 

“Do I look like I'm fucking kidding?” Your tone was stone cold, you have never spoken like that to him before, and it affected him. In that moment he realised how much he has hurt you. 

He got up and left, none of you noticed but his eyes started to water and when he closed the door, his tears were mixing with the blood. 

You broke down after seeing him leave. You couldn't hold it anymore and you just let go. You covered your mouth trying to keep it as silent as possible. You knew there was a big possibility that you and Jeno would break up if you were accepted, but you never thought Jeno would say that to you. “I love you but not enough…” It would have hurt less if he just said he hated you.

“Y/n,” Jisung said in the softest voice while he got closer to you. 

“Shut up.” Your voice was broken but the anger was very noticeable. “I am furious at you so shut the fuck up and get your ass to the infirmary.” You didn't move, therefore he didn't. “Now!” 

He obeyed immediately and started his way. You just needed a little time alone to get yourself together, a lot happened in a span of 10 minutes. Your boyfriend broke up with you and told you that he didn't love you enough, you're best friend heard all of it which was humiliating enough by itself, the last thing you wanted was for someone else to know; your best friend started a fight with your now ex-boyfriend and now he was on his way towards the infirmary so you could cure his wounds. Not exactly the plans you had for your prom night. You let out a last sigh, you wiped your tears away and you got out of there. 

Jisung perked up in his position when he saw the door being opened and his cheeks got redder by seeing you walk in. You didn't say anything, you just went to get the stuff you needed to cure him. He looked at every move you did, he was angry at himself for causing such a scene on your prom night but he didn't regret it; if he had to, he would do it again, as many times as necessary. 

He hissed when he felt the cotton swab on his injury. 

“Does it hurt?” you asked in a low tone, but it was expressionless. 

“It stings a little.”

“Good.” 

“That's mean,” he whispered but you heard. 

“I'm sorry, I'm just really mad.” He lowered his head but you made him look up again since you were treating his eyebrow's cut. “What the fuck were you thinking Park Jisung?”

“I wasn't, that's the thing.” 

“What were you doing there anyway?” He panicked for a second.

“I got a little overwhelmed, I needed some air I guess.” He hated lying to you but he needed to. 

“Why did you hit him?” 

“Because of what he said.” His voice turns deeper, surprising you. His voice was deep but you have never heard it reach that tone. “How could he say that? He didn't know he was the luckiest guy for having you by his side, it made me furious hearing how ungrateful he was, and how much of an asshole he was to you.” You stopped treating his injury but he didn't seem to mind. “What he said was awful but when I saw how hurt you were, I couldn't let him get away like that, rage took over me.” He finally looked at you.

You tried to fight back the smile that was trying to come out by seeing how soft his eyes were, they were holding the whole galaxy, and for him they did, since he was looking at you. 

“I know it was stupid since Jeno is way stronger than me but I didn't care, he hurt you and I needed to do something about it.” You hold his hands and you rub your thumb through his knuckles, he smiled while looking at the little action. “I am sorry for ruining your night but I don't regret it.” 

“You don't?”

“No.” 

“You're a dumbass, you know that right?” 

“That 's mean.” 

“Well I get to be mean.” You continued cleaning his wounds. “I'm stuck here with you instead of enjoying my prom night.” 

“I'm sorry.” He lowered his head once again, his voice was full of shame and his cheeks turned red. 

“Hey, I'm kidding.” You giggled softly while lifting his head up. “It was already ruined when Jeno decided to break up with me. Which was a very dick move of his, he could've at least waited for tomorrow to do it.” You giggled. 

“Asshole,” Jisung said automatically, making you laugh even harder. 

You finished cleaning his eyebrow wound and put on some ointment for the soreness and to help with the bruising. You then continued with the one on his lower lip. His usually plumped lip was even more swollen and it was starting to turn a subtle shade of blue and purple. He hissed once again by feeling the cotton swab with alcohol but you seemed to not care, you just focused on cleaning. 

“Thank you, by the way,” you said after a while. “I'm still mad as fuck but thank you for defending me like that.” He looked at you and he fell in love all over again. 

The lights of the room were off because you didn't need them, the windows did a perfect job at bringing the light from the moon and the lamp posts from outside. The moonlight hit your face in all the right places, making you look ethereal and even though you have been dancing all night and you cried, your makeup and hair were almost intact; a little out of place but you still looked as beautiful as the start of the night. Jisung could notice the anger in your eyes but he also noticed the worry, no matter how furious you were you couldn't help but worry about him.

He didn't realise what he was doing. For the second time that night, Jisung was moving out of instinct, his heart taking control instead of his brain. He got closer and closer towards you, his lips being pulled automatically towards yours as if they were magnets. And then he kissed you. It was quick and innocent, his lips barely touched yours since he snapped out of his trance but he kissed you. 

Both of you were surprised, none of you knew what happened exactly. You could feel the heat coming up to your cheeks and your eyes were wide open. Jisung's heart was racing at a very concerning speed and his head was spinning. He tried to talk, tried to explain but nothing was coming out of his lips. 

“Sorry, I lost my balance for a sec, maybe Jeno hit me in the head because I kind of feel a little dizzy.” He faced palmed himself in his imagination, what a shitty excuse but he couldn't come up with something better.

“Oh,” was the only thing that you could say. “No worries.” 

After that you finished treating his wounds in dead silence. Jisung was cursing himself in his head. You didn't know what to think exactly, but you knew one thing for sure, you were tired.

Once you were done you came back to the gym and picked your things. You explained the situation to Yeji and begged her no to tell your brother since you knew he would cause a scene, and you didn't want to deal with that, you didn't want to deal with anything anymore. She hugged you and told you she was gonna take care of everything for you, and then she kissed your forehead before saying goodbye. After that you went to your brother to ask him for the keys, you used the tired excuse and he gave in, not because he believed you but because he was having way too much fun to care. You envied him, you envied everyone who was having fun. 

When you got out of the gym you were surprised to see Jisung waiting for you by the car. He was leaning on it, his tie was loose, he took the jacket off and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, he looked pretty handsome. 

“What are you doing?” You unlocked the car and opened the door. 

“I'm going with you,” he says with an obvious tone. 

“C'mon Jisung, go back inside and have fun.” 

“I don't want to go inside, I want to spend the night with you, like you wanted.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You said you wanted to spend the night with the people you're closest to, and not to toot my own horn but, I'm pretty sure that after Haechan hyung, I'm the one closest to you.” You laughed at his antics. 

“Okay fine, you win. Get inside.”

“Yes!” He put his fist up in a sign of victory and got inside. 

The drive back home was calm. The music was lower than you typically play it, the windows were down and the air was chilly but you didn't care. You stopped at a red light and turned your head towards the younger boy, he was looking out the window. Maybe your night was ruined but seeing him by your side, admiring the night sky while softly singing the songs made you realise you couldn't have asked for a better ending to the night.

He was 18 year old when he entered university

It was the first time Jisung was walking alone to school ever since he was 5. You’re studying abroad, Haechan had a different schedule than him and Chenle lived in a whole other neighbourhood, which was closer to the school.  

He felt alone and lost, he had ever since he said goodbye to you at the airport. You were gone and he didn't know what to do. He tried to distract himself, he started saying yes to everything Chenle had invited him to and he also hung out with Jaemin, Renjun and Haechan. He tried to avoid your house though, it hurt even seeing it from across the street knowing damn well you weren't there. 

After the prom, everything was really weird. Jeno had broken up with you, so you weren't the happiest and there was a weird air between you two after the kiss that had happened. It was merely a peck but it happened and it made Jisung act even more nervous around you and it made you confused. 

You didn't know how to feel, you didn't know what to think exactly. Was it really just a mistake? Did he mean to kiss you? Was it just the heat of the moment? Your head spinned for months. You were so confused, you found comfort knowing you were leaving soon. Away from all the drama and confusion. 

You kept to yourself the rest of the time you had left at home, focusing on packing and making sure you had everything for your visa and other stuff you needed for school, also hiding the stuff you didn't want your twin to take once you were gone. You barely saw anyone, you never left your room unless it was really necessary; even your own family barely saw you and they lived with you. You were breaking Jisung´s heart without knowing, the younger one just wanted to spend as much time as he could with you but he loved you, and he was gonna respect your wish for privacy. 

You and Jisung were barely speaking. You used university as an excuse but he knew it was something else and he didn't blame you. You were desolate because of Jeno, hell, you were heartbroken and he knew the last thing you needed was another boy to mess with your feelings (not that he would). You also had to focus on your school and he didn't want to admit it but he knew his actions on that prom night confused you and he hated himself for it. The last thing he wanted was for things to be awkward between you two, he just wanted to be with you and he missed you like crazy; your absence really took a toll on him.  

You weren't able to come home during your winter and summer break, you joined too many clubs and you also joined the student council at your university; saying you were busy was nothing, you were swamped with work. You did this on purpose though, you made yourself as busy as possible so you wouldn't have to deal with your thoughts, so you wouldn't have to face your feelings and to deal with the storm happening in your head. You may not be aware of it but Jisung knew, at the end of the day, he knew you better than anyone else. 

He was halfway through his walk to university when his phone rang and he was surprised by seeing your picture on the screen, you were calling him. It was weird since you weren't speaking that much and because you hate talking on the phone so much, you prefer texting people; you only called when it was urgent or an emergency. 

“Hey, Sungie.” Your voice made his heart race and he was smiling, he was so happy to hear your voice he almost cried. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” He was happy but he couldn't help but worry. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it?” 

“Well, you hate talking on the phone, so I thought something was wrong.” He laughed softly. 

“Everything's fine, don't worry about it.” Your voice was soft but he could hear the tiredness in your tone. “Are you on your way to school right?” 

“Yeah… How did you know that?” He didn't tell you about his first day, the only uni talk he has had with you was when he told you he got in, and that was it. 

“Your mom called me.” He rolled his eyes by the mention of his mom. 

“Of course she did.” His tone was filled with annoyance and you laughed because of it. 

“Hey, give her a break, she was excited and so proud of you.” 

“Still, she didn't have to worry you about it.” 

“It's nothing Jisung really, I enjoyed talking to her a lot, especially since we haven't been talking that much.” 

“Sorry.” He looked down and his face was filled with disappointment. 

“If someone has to apologise it's me, I’m the one who has been M.I.A.” 

“But I haven't made so much effort either. I wanted to give you some space.”

“Yeah I know. Thanks...” Your tone fell flat near the end, you were disappointed as well. You didn't want space, not from him at least. 

“Why are you calling though? You never call.” 

“Oh, yeah, well…I wanted to keep the tradition going somehow.” You let out a nervous laugh and even though he couldn't see you, he knew you were fidgeting with your bracelet. “I didn't want you to walk to school alone.” 

“I'm really thankful, but don't you have classes? If you're skipping them I swear I’ll go to Australia myself and get your ass back to class.” 

“Woah woah! Easy there tiger.” Your laughter made his heart race. “I have a free period, I'm actually getting some coffee.” 

“Oh okay, good.” His cheeks turned a very bright shade of red and this was the first time he thanked the moon you weren't there to see his embarrassment. 

An awkward silence fell upon you. This has never happened, not even when you were kids and meeting for the first time. You always made sure to fill in the silence but now, you didn't know how to. You hated this, you hated feeling awkward with your own best friend, the guy that you had known for 13 years. 

You cursed yourself and him as well. How did you allow stuff to get so complicated? Why did he have to kiss you? You broke your head for several months trying to decipher what the hell was that. It was the only thing you could think of after that night. Not your break up, not your prom, not the fight but that stupid kiss, that stupid kiss that could barely even be considered one. Jisung only touched your lips for a mere second but it scarred you for life. You didn't know why, but that kiss meant a lot to you. 

And why on earth were you glad he did? You thought about how much you wished that kiss didn’t happen but being honest, you liked it, a lot, more than you should’ve. You may be in a weird place with your best friend but if you could erase that peck you wouldn’t. 

“I hate this, Sung,” you said, referring to the mess happening in your head. “I hate not being able to talk to you.” Your eyes were starting to fill with tears, thank god your voice was still stable. “I want you back, I want my best friend back, my partner, my favourite person.”

“I'm your favourite person?” He was taken back and in shock, he always thought Haechan was your favourite person, your twin, your other half, your sun. 

“You’ve always been.” A tear streamed down your cheek but you were quick to wipe it. “I need you Jisung, I miss you like crazy, I want to be with you and be able to talk the way we used to. You have no idea how much I need you to hug me.” And finally your voice failed you. Jisung’s heart sank by hearing your voice break. 

“Me too, you can't even begin to imagine.” He blinked rapidly trying to avoid the tears to escape his eyes. 

“How did we let this happen?” 

“I don't know.” 

“We promised nothing was gonna change after me leaving.” 

“I know.” 

“Then why is everything different?” 

“Because…” He wanted to tell you, he wanted to confess but the words got stuck once again. He didn't want to do it like that, during a phone call while you were kilometres away. “We're dumb?” Your laughter made the ambience lighter. 

“Yes, we’re very, very dumb.” You wiped a few tears away and cleared your throat. “Let's start being smart again.”

“How?” 

“We’re gonna try talking more, send a text once in a while, whenever we remember each other, like we used to.”

“Okay.” 

“We could also do homework together, we could schedule a weekly video call so we can catch up, talk about our life or not talk at all.” 

“I really miss you recommending songs to me,” he confessed. 

“I really miss you sending me pics of the moon.” You laughed once again, making the younger one sigh heavily, he was completely enamoured by you. 

“I missed your laugh.” It was a bold move from him but he felt he was gonna explode if he didn't say it. 

Your cheeks were warm and you hid them with your hands even though he wasn't there. He made you feel shy, which was very rare. 

“I missed your voice, is it getting deeper?” 

“I don't think so.” 

“It better not or else I'll lose my mind.” 

“Why?” he asked curiously. 

“Well you know how much of a sucker I am for a dude with a deep voice…” The verbal vomit came out by itself, you weren't aware of what you were saying until you heard nothing from the other line. “Damn, I fucked up,” you whispered but he heard you. 

“No, no, it's okay, I knew that.” He cleared his throat in an attempt to calm his nervousness. “I'm sorry but it's something I can't control, you’ll just have to deal with it.” His mocking tone filled you with relief. 

“I’ll try my best, but I don't make any promises.” You followed his joke up, thanking him for not making it weird again. 

“I'm here,” he announced when he arrived at his school’s entrance. 

“Good luck Sungie, remember that anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.” 

“Thank you.” He smiled and looked down trying to hide his blush. 

“Let me know when you're done so we can talk on your way back home, okay?” 

“Yes, ma'am.” 

“I mean it, Jisung.” The seriousness in your tone gave you away. 

“I know.” He let out a few giggles. “Thank you for calling me.” 

“Well, you know how I am, I love our little traditions.” 

“I love that you do.” 

“Bye Sung, good luck.” 

“Bye y/n.” And after that you hung up. 

He felt a weight being lifted away from his shoulders, his heart felt lighter and he was beyond happy knowing that you two were going to be okay. It may not be exactly like it used to but it was better than nothing. 

He was 19 years old when he confessed his love towards you. 

After that call on his first day of university, your relationship started blooming again. You both kept your promises and started texting and calling each other more and more, just like the old times. You made several video calls where you would talk for hours, from dusk till dawn or you would stay quiet and just enjoyed each other's presence. Jisung always sent you pictures of the moon and you started sending him songs that you thought he would like, you even started making him several playlists; he always listened to them on repeat. 

Winter break came and you were finally able to go back home, you noticed how much you loaded yourself with work to avoid the whole Jisung situation but since you two were fine now, you gave yourself a break. Everyone was head over heels when you told them you were coming back home after a while of not being able to. You longed to spend christmas and new years with your family but especially with Jisung, since this was the year he would finally reach age, he would be able to drink and you wanted to be there. 

Your parents picked you up at the airport, both ran towards you and engulfed you in a big hug, a suffocating one actually. After a very emotional welcome from them, you finally went up to the car and made your way home. Haechan received you at the door and your father announced to you that Jisung was also there, your eyes lighted up and you were quickly to look for him, only to find him standing there waiting for you. You were surprised by looking at how much he grew, and when he spoke you felt your legs wobbling slightly by hearing his deep voice. You engulfed him in a hug and then you dragged him and your brother towards the living room to catch up. It was very late at night when Jisung had to return home, in all the time he was there you couldn’t stop looking at him, you were hypnotised. 

Christmas passed by and it was one of the best you had celebrated. Your family and Jisung’s always celebrated it together, the dinner was made by your mom and Jisung’s mom while your fathers were in charge of the drinks. As always everything was wholesome and you had the best time ever. 

Time passed by and new years came by, Yeji invited you to a party but you didn’t stay much since you wanted to be with Jisung on his first night as an adult, sadly when you arrived he was already drunk thanks to you brother and his friends. He took you out to the backyard and he confessed his feelings for you in his drunken state, taking you by surprise. Even though you weren’t sure about your own feelings you told him that you can figure them out together and then you kissed him properly this time. You weren’t sure why you did it but you didn’t regret it. It felt nice, it felt familiar and it made you feel warm. It was the best way to start the new year. 

After that night Jisung made his life mission to help you figure out what your heart wanted. He was finally able to act according to his feelings, he didn’t hold back and made sure to prove to you that he meant every single thing he said during that new years night. He spent months clearing all of your doubts, answering all of your questions and giving you the assurance you needed. After all his efforts, support and patience you realised that you wanted Jisung, you realised that your heart longed for him. 

During summer break he picked you up at the airport and asked you to be his girlfriend and you accepted gladly; you sealed the deal with a kiss full of affection, it was desperate in a way, you have yearned to feel his lips on yours once again. After that day you spend your summer by Jisung’s side, it was as if you were glued together. Wherever you went Jisung was following and vice versa. 

Two months have passed, your break is almost over, meaning that you would have to go back to school very soon. Jisung, knowing this, never left your side. He wanted to spend every single moment you had left home with you. 

“The summer went by so fast,” he said in a whisper while you were at the kitchen making a midnight snack; actually he was sitting while you were the one cooking, not letting him get near the kitchen since he would probably light it on fire. 

“I know,” you said while dicing some veggies for your ramen. “For the first time, I'm not as excited to go back.” 

“For the first time?” he asked confusedly while he stared at you. 

“Yeah, I don't love leaving home but I'm always really excited to go back, living on my own and having independence, you know?” He just nodded, not knowing exactly what to answer. “I know it may sound a little selfish but I always loved going back but now, it's so different.”

“Why?” 

“Because of you.” You both felt your cheeks warming up for the sudden confession. “I’m always excited to come back here and see my family, see Hyuck and my friends but ever since you confessed during new years I couldn't stop thinking about coming back home and seeing you.” Jisung stood up silently so he wouldn't interrupt you. “I wanted to hang out with you, spend time with you, see your cute face everyday, I was desperate to be with you.” You smiled while feeling his arms sneak around your waist, and you let out a soft giggle while feeling his face burning in your neck. “I yearned for you so fucking much.” He left a soft kiss on your neck, then your shoulder and your neck once again, he was drowning in your scent. 

“God, I fucking love you.” It was a whisper. It was innocent and said out of instinct, he didn't even realise what he just said until you left his side. 

“What!?” 

“Nothing.” He was ready to leave but your hand on his wrist stopped him. You made him face you.

“That was not nothing.” He didn't dare to look at you. “What did you just say Park Jisung?” Your tone was demanding and serious, not in an aggressive way but you wanted an answer. 

After a long pause he finally got the courage he needed to say those words again. 

“I said that I love you.” His voice was barely a whisper but because you were alone, you were able to hear him clearly. “You don't have to say anything, I know it's way too soon to say stuff like this since we've been in a relationship for just 2 months but I have loved you since before.” Because he's looking down he didn't realise you're coming closer to him. “I'm sorry if it freaked you out and I totally understand if you want to take some time apart, to be honest, I wouldn't blame you.” He let out a soft giggle which was full of embarrassment. “I'll just go…”

You stopped him once again and he finally looked up at you. You cupped his face with your hands and you kissed him.

You kissed him softly, slowly and it's intense because of the intimacy that you were sharing in that moment—you both felt like you were the only ones in the world and that time has stopped just for you. You feel like the moon and the stars are witnessing the scene with such endearment and they look down at you with the happiest of their smiles. You savoured him, you made sure to transmit all of your feelings with that kiss, you wanted him to feel safe, at ease, at home. You wanted him to feel like the only reason he was put on earth was for that moment alone, that he was meant to be by your side, just like you were meant to be by his. You engulfed him in your arms just like he did, you wanted him closer even though you couldn't be. You were desperate for him, and your heart felt like it was going to explode from all the love that you feel for this boy. 

You broke the kiss but you were still in his embrace and he was in yours; your foreheads were touching, both of you had your eyes closed, feeling each other's breaths in your faces, but neither of you seemed to mind. 

“I love you too,” your tone was sure and confident. You then opened your eyes to see his reaction. 

His eyes lit up and his smile was the biggest you have ever seen and if your vision isn't failing you, you think his eyes were watering. 

“Really?” His voice was soft, and it broke a little because of the knot in his throat. 

“Really.” You could see a little tear running down and you were quick to wipe it off with your thumb. 

“Shit, sorry.” He let out a nervous giggle while he wiped yet another tear. “I'm just really fucking happy.” You couldn't help but start tearing up as well. “No wait, don't cry.” He panicked and then cupped your cheeks in between his big hands. They were cold compared to your very warm face. 

“I can't help it, you know how I always cry whenever you do.” You sniffled and he laughed at you. You looked so adorable trying to hold in your tears. 

He wiped your tears with such delicacy, he then proceeded to put your hair behind your ears and then he left a soft kiss on your forehead so he could finally hug you; you buried your face in his chest and he rested his chin on the top of your head. 

“Just like when we were kids,” you let out and he laughed once again. 

“Just like when we were kids,” he repeated, voice full of adoration. 

Jisung has never been great with words but he somehow knew what to do to comfort you whenever you cried in front of him (which was very, very rare). He always started by wiping your tears away, he always did it in the softest way possible, as if you were made of glass; his fingers always felt cold against your skin but you never minded. He then helped you get your hair fixed, placing the stray strands where they belonged and then tugging some behind your ears to finally leave a little kiss on your forehead. He knew all of that was good but it wasn't enough so he would seal the deal with a hug. A hug that always felt so soft and warm, a hug that always felt familiar and comfortable, a hug that made you feel you belonged with him. You fitted in his embrace perfectly just like he fitted in yours. 

You were meant to be together. It was a bumpy ride, with its highs and lows but you were meant to be. Everyone knew it, even the moon who would always watch over you two, waiting patiently. Even the stars, who would always light up your path so you could find your way to each other.  

You stay like that for a while, enjoying the domestic moment, not wanting to let go until you hear the pot overflowing. 

“Shit, our food!” You broke the hug and turned to the stove.

You put the pot out of the fire and you turn the flame off. The food was ruined and the kitchen was a mess. 

“Man, and you said I was a terrible cook,” Jisung said with a mocking tone. 

“Oh, shut up,” you said annoyedly while you try to clean up your mess. “This is all your fault.” 

“My fault?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes! If you weren't being all romantic and sentimental our ramen wouldn't have died like this.”  

“I'm sorry for saying that I love my girlfriend, it won't happen again.” 

“Wait no, I want to hear it again.” You panicked by hearing him. “I want to hear it a million times.” 

“Oh good, because I was joking,” he said while helping you clean. “Now that I've said it, now that is finally out of my system, it's the only thing that I want to say to you.” 

“Good because it's the only thing that I want to hear.” 

You finished cleaning up and you're quick to put your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. You left a kiss on his lips and started preparing the food again. 

After finishing cooking and eating together you cleaned everything once again to finally go back to your room and get some sleep. You wiggled your way back to your bed, got into position and waited for Jisung to lay down so you could finally get 100% comfortable. After waiting patiently for you, he then plopped down next to you, he pulled you closer and he buried his face in the space between your neck, he loved getting drunk in your scent. 

After getting into a position where the two of you were comfortable you were quick to fall asleep, you didn't even notice you forgot to close your window´s curtains, you were gonna regret that in the morning. 

The night sky was clear, the moonlight sneaked in your room giving you two the perfect glow. The moon smiled by seeing you together, she was proud to see you could finally find your way to each other. The stars were beaming even harder, they couldn't hide their happiness. They worked so hard for you and seeing you together made them shine even brighter, they were glowing. 

[ne0sgotmyback]

Breaking news!

It has been forever, but I finally wrote some sentences for Storgē! NCT mafia is making their way back to you, slowly but steadily ❤️🙌🏻

[suhnandmoon]

suhnandmoon's masterlist

"i love to stare into eternity. let my mind become a wave upon the sea. and then i race across the galaxy, far away beyond reality, to a world where you care for me."

hi i'm sunny! i've been making sns au's since 2021. here is a complete list of all of my fics :) warning: my nct dream sns aus are a lottt different from my enha sns aus (my nct ones are olderrrr… 2021….)

most recent fic: soul eater most recent sns au: meet me in elwynn + starlight ♡ = authors favorite

lee heeseung

social media aus

♡ dance with me, baby! ♡ (college au, unserious, comedy, loser heeseung + loser lover yn)

lee heeseung, tasked with picking up his little sister from dance class every wednesday, is taken by surprise when his sister’s dance instructor is who he believes to be the love of his life. also niki gets stuck in a cult.

status: complete!

meet me in elwynn (college au, gamer au/online friends, LOSER heeseung!!!!!!! almost pathetic. slight enemies to lovers)

when desperately left in need for one more player to start their in-game guild, riki miraculously finds you. initially unwilling to join a group with a handful of random college guys, a certain boy by the name of lee heeseung manages to win over your heart despite a terrible first impression (and complete lack of skill to play the game).

status: complete!

park sunghoon

social media au

stupid for you (radio show host au, unserious, pining, fluff, same universe as dance with me, baby)

college radio show host, park sunghoon, and his friends are struggling to get callers for their weekly advice segment on hybe radio. what happens when jake tells the girl that sunghoon is interested in to call and anonymously ask for relationship advice (that just so happens to be about sunghoon himself)?

status: completed!

nishimura riki

social media au

beat it! (hogwarts au, enemies to lovers, temporary memory loss, idiot (riki) to lovers, slight angst (happy ending))

you and nishimura riki, quidditch prodigies of your respective houses, have been rivals for as long as you’ve been at hogwarts. what happens when an accidental, overestimated bludger throw from nishimura sends you plummeting down the pitch, leaving you with temporary memory loss? the answer is a stupid plan on riki’s part to try to get you to be nice to him while you can’t remember your rival. god, what did he get himself into.

status: ongoing!

scenario

idol au (400 words)

in which niki sees that you’re livestreaming and he happens to be a few practice rooms away

ot7

texts

how enha reacts to your lockscreen being of a different member

enha (individual) x gn!reader

huang renjun

social media au

starlight (remake of my first smau. i dont recommend reading the original, thrillerish, vampire au, fake dating au, college au)

after an unexpected night at the movies, you’re left turned into a vampire. with the help of park jisung and his friends, your new lifestyle adjustments are thankfully made a lot easier. that is until your friends start to call out your flaky behavior. quick, how are you going to cover up your secret? a fake boyfriend taking up your time? perfect! huang renjun is just the right guy!

status: complete!

na jaemin

social media au

the nerve! (enemies to lovers, influencer au)

you had one terrible run-in with famous youtuber, na jaemin, and suddenly it seems like you’re bumping into him every where you go. what is a coincidence to you, turns into a misunderstanding when he accuses you of following him around. jaemin, you have got a lot of nerve!

status: complete!

park jisung

social media au

my minecraft boyfriend (college au)

a joke tweet about your boyfriend on minecraft from when you were in middle school ends up reaching the boy in question and oh no- he’s hot.. this sudden reunion with park jisung was completely unexpected for multiple parties. will this old romance rekindle, or was it just meant to stay in the past?

status: complete!

fic

soul eater (8.5k words, fantasy, weapon!jisung x meister!reader)

“with his shoulders hunched, eyes shifting across the room, and the overall appearance of a sopping wet cat, the last person left was indeed your partner- though you had double checked his name tag a few times, hoping this was a joke.”

short scenarios

#thoughtdumpy

included in the tag: pokemon trainer!renjun, genshin!nct dream, unconventional coffee shop au!jisung,  unconventional coffee shop au!haechan

[wonyourdreams]

WIPs:

🧸ྀི Not a good time -Taesan(BND)

🧸ྀི SVT Dino x male reader request

🧸ྀི If you were Sheldon, I'd be Penny-Eric(TBZ)

🧸ྀི Debt -Jaehyun(NCT)

🧸ྀི Gameplay-Jaemin(NCT)

🧸ྀི Impure desires-Jeno(NCT)

🧸ྀི Even when you don't love me-San(ATEEZ)

🧸ྀི Favorite-Jongho(ATEEZ)

🧸ྀི Photography Class-Jaemin, Jeno, Mark, Haechan(NCT Dream)

🧸ྀི Dance under the blanket-Lucas request

🧸ྀི 1:50 -Jaehyun(NCT)

🧸ྀི Studio heat-Taeyong(NCT)

🧸ྀི Shower room-Yuta,Johnny,Mark(NCT)

🧸ྀི Favor for a favor-Sehun(EXO)

P.S.

These fics WILL BE RELEASED, these are just a few of the many other drafts I have that I will surely release.

Also Dance under the blanket will be the last Lucas fic and request that I will be making, this request was also from 2021(I think?) and I just want to fulfill it.

[anashins]

omg since I've gotten so many new followers, lemme just introduce myself real quick 🤭

Hiii I'm Mina and my blog exists since... April 2021! Some of you might know me from Aff under the same username where I posted Exo fics from 2013-2021. I've been writing fics since middle school, first in german, then in english when started on Aff. (I still remember my first fics were riddled with grammar errors help...)

Aside from writing, I read a lot of books (romantasy like ACOTAR is my weak spot...) and study languages. I also enjoy crocheting, cooking and baking. Additionally, I have a tiktok where I share travel tips and snippets of my daily life in Korea, because half of the year I live there and the other half I live in Germany, but actually I'm thai/german!

And a fun fact about me is that I've already been to all NCT unit's concerts except 127's (even though my biases are in it) 🥲 But I'm manifesting it for when they are back! 🫡

Ah, and my next fic will be about little J and big J... hihi

[1997yakul]

Don't Leave Your Lunchbox in the Aisle

.·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙　✩　̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ ..·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙　✩　̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ ..·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙　✩　̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ ..·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙　✩　̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ ..·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙　✩　̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ ..·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙　✩　̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ ..·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙　

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆

Hey, you! Yeah, you! Stop there!

Na Jaemin needs a tutor before he’s booted off the basketball team and loses his chance at a scholarship. (and probably his mom's respect...) Can you help out?

You have a slightly awkward history, yet still maintain your unbearably ginormous crush? You're the perfect candidate!

☆ ☆ ☆ Sign up here! ☆ ☆ ☆

(masterlist) ☆ (nct masterlist)

.｡.:*♡ Pairing: student!jaemin x tutor!gn reader

Word Count: 7,9k (one-shot)

✧ Tags: unreciprocated crush to lovers(?), angst, fluff, humor, kissing, pining, swearing, detention buddies yay, tutoring, slowburn, You Fell First! He Fell HARDER!(punches wall)

start + end date: September 21 2021 - October 6 2022

✧ Notes: this was written for my lil friend bongbong who likes a slice of the weird jaemin pie. Shes always hyping up my stuff and supporting me in my weird endeavors. Shoutout bongbong!!!!!!!

originally posted on ao3

✩ fic is below the cut! enjoy ✩

There's something weirdly satisfying about the feeling of your sweated out forehead peeling off of your desk. It's sticky and kind of hot, probably due to the piles of blankets you shrugged over your shoulders in a fit hours earlier. 

It was a promise you made to your mother that brought you here, the brilliant plan to study at any moment of downtime and then take the exam when you got home from helping her at her work. It seemed sort of.. ingenious at the time..? Now, everything's kind of flipped belly up as you drag your finger in panicked circles across your trackpad. You did submit it, right? Wiping at one of your eyes in horror as you wake your laptop up, there's this white box with black text that stands front and center on the screen before you.

'Assignment is no longer available. Click 'close' to return to classroom homepage.'

"What?" You whisper to yourself, eyes fluttering to the bottom right of your screen. The time reads 1:49 AM. Your hand falls to your desk with a thump, and the blankets on your back slide off pathetically. 

This type of shock doesn't send you into a full blown panic, not yet. Tapping the 'close' button, you exhale and watch as the page reloads. Searching for the 'Midterm Exam' assignment ends up being a useless, piteous effort. It's now listed under the locked 'Past Assignments' bar.

"No. I turned it in." You lean back in your chair, shaking hair back from your face as you give yourself another moment to think. "Yeah." It's kind of a lie, you think. Maybe just speak it into existence. Falling asleep in the middle of an online test is simply not possible. Not for you at least. Not one that's worth 50% of your grade. Not one that you were sure you already finished last night after you showered. 

*

"It wasn't submitted, I'm not sure how else to tell you this."

Sometimes, things just fall apart.

"I swear I submitted it. I did it when I got home last night."

Your hybrid schedule due to the pandemic has you at a socially distanced desk for 4 hours every Tuesday and Thursday, and the masks make it hard to see if your teacher has an expression of actual sympathy or just really needs to shit. Eyes alone are not enough to piece it together, you realize. He slips this red piece of paper onto the surface of your desk before moving on to the student behind you. 

It's asking for a guardian's signature of knowledge that you failed to turn in your midterm. 

Across the room leaned up against the far wall, Na Jaemin holds his red card too. He flicks it loudly, his eyes dashing over the brim of his white sanitary mask from left and right as students pass by.

'the desks are socially distanced but students are allowed to get up and walk around and talk to their friends lollll'

Incomes a text from Chenle from the front row, glittered with emojis of zany faces and tongues. 

'stupid af' He texts again, his head swiveling to face you to see if you're checking your phone. He turns back.

'how tf did you get a red card???'

You sigh, brushing hair out of your face before texting back.

'i feel asleep before i clicked the submit button'

'bruh' Chenle replies after a short moment.

'i heard if you do a sport or like lead a club or something the principal will just like let u graduate anyway'

He texts again, tacking on an emoji of a cat smirking.

‘i’ll be fine it’s just gonna suck to get my mom to sign it but she will understand… i got the whole rest of the semester Dw dw’

Your eyes go a little blurry with sleep, sneaking a glance at Jaemin against the wall as you yawn. He's typing something rather ferociously on his phone keyboard. His hair is dyed a chestnut brown, his roots grown out an inch in black, swept forward falling over his eyes. 

*

You have been on the same bus as Jaemin since your 10th year at high school, transferring from an online school experience suddenly after a move. Growing up with close to no one you could consider a friend, Jaemin was the first person who ever caught your eye enough to call it interest. He was peak ‘public school’. He seemed friendly, charming, athletic, outgoing— he was the stop right after yours and was always running after the bus. Waving his arms as he chased it down until someone in the back would call up to the driver to tell him he missed someone. It felt like a scene from a movie, like there was no way that he was not the love interest.

Never did he ever forget to shoot the bus driver this breathless smile as he took the stairs two at a time. So hopped up on adrenaline and determination it made your head spin. In the Summer, the humid mornings with the sun already risen in the sky, dribbles of pearlescent sweat beads would slither down his temples like cobras, and in the Winter, the sky would be dark and ominous and Jaemin would board with a cherry red nose, only visible by the bus' interior lights. Every morning you watched just for that same smile, and every morning each one was more charming than the last. You watched again and again, just to dart your eyes away as soon as he finished giving his thanks to the driver.

Everything changed, whether it was the changing of the seasons or the changing of semesters, everything changed except Na Jaemin's stupidly charming smile. Your pupils would fall to your bag in your lap to twiddle your thumbs and deal with these childish feelings that boil up and bubble over like a science experiment gone wrong. 

He was so super popular because of his endless prettiness and confidence. One time he came to school in a crop top and got dress-coded. He was even seen arguing with staff in the middle of the hallway holding the wrist of another student, bickering endlessly until the staff argued back with words just a little too big for him, words that left Jaemin just a little too quiet, and then he would just smile— laugh at it. The girl with him who had tears in her eyes over their failed attempt at a protest patted at his back for them to leave. He moved on, but never gave up. He would try again in a month. He was unstoppable. He’d lose with a smile.

That's probably one of the most disappointing things about the situation of the world right now. It may sound selfish and of such the tiniest amount of importance, but the worst part of the masks and the social distancing was easily missing out on Jaemin's smile each day. No matter if he was pissed off, shocked, confused, disappointed, he would smile that beautiful smile that would make you feel like projectile vomiting glitter.

*

Somehow everything he did was interesting. Attention-worthy. Your head lifts up from its downward position, relocating to face where you last saw Jaemin, but he's missing.

There's suddenly 3 messages from Chenle.

'after school today, let's go get snacks.’

'oh wait does the red card mean detention?'

'earth to my astronaut?? helloooo'

You sigh, running your fingers along the edge of the thick paper thoughtlessly. "Ouch!" Comes shooting from your mouth, your body jolting in your seat. Your blood oozes in a thick stream from the fresh cut on your finger, instinctually, you draw it to your mouth. The rough papery material of your mask presses to your lips, and shaking your head out of the clouds helps you realize the last minute you lost to your daydreams. There's a stifled laugh from the side of the classroom, and for a moment you split to smile back at them with your usual "Yeah, I'm kind of an idiot sometimes. It's okay!" reassuring aura, but this time it's not a friendly face among your acquaintances of peers, but Huang Renjun and Jung Sungchan.

There's something so unnerving about being laughed at by students who you just have the most powerful sense of superiority complexes from. It's not like they've ever been outright mean, but with students so judicious, sometimes they don't have to be mean to feel mean. Like they must just already have everything so carefully set up for them that they have not a single care in the world. Like they're above high school and probably understand how investing in stocks works (Cool people don’t understand stocks!) and have their life planned out til 40.

The worst part is that Na Jaemin is standing there next to them. His eyes fall flat of emotion, his face is angled down at his phone, but his eyes, heavy-lidded, are staring at you. Your hand slides across your face, arm covering your mask and its fresh blood splotch, turning your head to face the window.

*

Sometimes you wonder how Jaemin can deal with so much attention. With eyes that seem to always be on him. Of course your eyes were a part of them too… something deep inside hoped he could tell you thought of him differently. It wasn’t just that one day with the crop-top, before that he would get dress-coded everyday for his shoes. He would wear Converse, black on black instead of the dress shoes all students were meant to wear. He used to be given notes to bring home every single day. It took a month or two for them to just give up on him changing for them. Some people saw it as him being stubborn, or said it had to do with how much money his parents made, but you thought it was a small type of heroism.

Detention is packed, seriously packed to the brim, students overflowing the desks and crammed into all corners of the classroom. It's definitely not following coronavirus regulations, but at this point you're less than surprised at your country's 'safety in the education system' plan. More than anything in this moment, you'd pay to get a glance at Jaemin. Wherever he may be smushed, you just knew he must've looked amazing. It felt like an insatiable addiction to just take glances at him throughout the day, like, A Little Fix Here! and A Little Fix There! With a fresh mask on, you felt like you could take on the world, like, sure, you made a fool of yourself earlier– but he probably doesn't know who you are, so it doesn't even matter!

Your phone buzzes from deep inside your bag, and you begin searching for it instinctively before the instructor at the front of the room makes some lame call-out for you to stop. A mere "Oh, shit. Yeah." slips off your tongue before you lean back up to your desk, but your head hits the underside of the hard surface. The quiet class, filled to the brim with students, all turn and stare. Your hands fly to grip at the desk you just hit your head on. Today isn't one for the books, obviously.

"You're alright." Whispers from the windowsill, and your brain shuts down.

It's Jaemin.

His hand is atop your head, petting carefully.

You don't even know how it got there, or when all of this just decided to take place, but today is now absolutely the best day ever. Totally one for the books!

"Thank you." You whisper back. It's kind of coy and cute, and you don't mean for it to come out that way, but your nerves have encumbered you from saying anything even slightly self-assured.

"Take care of yourself." He whispers again, this time, it matches your tone. Bashful. "You hurt yourself a lot nowadays." 

"Oh." Comes tumbling from your lips before you can catch it, scrambling for words to act as a proper response to what feels like flirting. Is it flirting or just genuine kindness? So he saw you earlier, is this him bullying you? Why was it so sexy though? Is it Na Jaemin or is it Eros? Aren't they sort of the same thing at this point?

His hand falters from your head, and your own darts up to smooth down any misplaced strands of hair. Jaemin swings his legs back up onto the vent before him, leaning his back against a beam between two large windows. The room is quiet besides some whispering here and there, but before Jaemin can help it, he returns to face your desk again. His legs fall over the edge of the sill again, slouched comfortably. Thighs spread like syrup over hot pancakes, his hands running down his slacks until they pause at his knees, smoothing wrinkles as he goes. He's leaned much further forward now, and his breath is calm. Warm and subtle, he blinks through dark eyelashes and asks 

"Why are you so nervous?" 

Probably the worst thing to ask someone who is nervous. He continues, "Is this your first time in detention?"

You exhale deeply, there's not even an effort in trying to conceal it. It's like a boulder has just been heaved off of your chest. He isn’t flirting, he’s just being nice. "I should've guessed. You have big eyes that look to explore, but you're keeping to yourself." 

Interesting. Almost poetic.

"Would you rather me talk to you?" You ask, suddenly feeling a chill up your neck. When were your eyes ever considered big?

"No." He answers, soft and serious before his eyes squint in laughter.

Short puffs of contentedness leave your nose in muffled exhales. Everything feels so right at this moment. "Same here." 

"Too bad." He whispers, this time, the hair that has feathered over your ear brushes against your cheek when his breath reaches you. It smells like coconut and spearmint, he chews gum behind his mask, which is obviously outlawed. You know he’s a rule breaker, but now he’s breaking rules around you… it’s sexier. He's flattening himself out even more now, practically folding to reach his arms to cross over themselves on your desk, head falling atop of them. "Have we met before?" He blinks up at you, kittenish and cute.

Internally, you are scolding your heart like a dog that jumps too much. Down boy! Calm yourself! But the ba-boom, ba-boom grows stronger, louder, and Jaemin is just getting closer, and closer. "I don't remember. I don't think." 

"You don't think?" Jaemin repeats, his beaming smile lights up his face, although he's got a mask on to cover the best part, it reaches his eyes easily. Somehow it comes with great beauty and delivers great anxiety. "We're on the same bus. You don't recognize me?"

"Oh!" You beam back with overzealous surprise, you big fat fibber. "You're on bus 127 too?" You nod, his Converse with the tears in the canvas nudging against your shoes. 

"Yeah. I thought we made eye contact a few times. I guess my face is more forgettable than I thought. Darn." At this point, his fingers are tracing circles around scribbles on the desk. It's so painfully obvious you've been caught and he thinks it's hilarious to see you suffer so immensely. He knows you've been watching him all this time, it's humiliating.

Something inside, lost in the depths of repressed feelings, clicks in that moment. Like, is this it? Are you just another privileged stupid asshole that has fun messing with people who fall for your amazing face? "Dumbass." You gasp, hand flying up to your masked face, eyebrows darting up on your forehead. "Sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"Dumbass." Jaemin repeats with a scoff and a laugh. "I'm not a dumbass! You're the dumbass. I'm not blind, you look at me all the time!" He's whisper-shouting and some people are starting to glance over in your general direction. "Why would you possibly stare at a person so much? Because you have a crush."

"I do not have a crush, Jaemin. You wish." 

"So you do know me?" He leans back up against the window sill again, his right shoulder resting on the support beam. 

The teacher up front smacked the yardstick on the chalkboard twice, dismissing students in a matter of seconds. Jaemin is quick, his foot slamming a strap of your backpack on the floor. You look up, one hand around the free backpack strap, the other pressing down on your desk. You glare at him for a second. "Do you know my name?"

"Y/N." 

There's this slow motion moment of silence where you realize, "Wait, you know me?" 

"Since the first day back to school. Where you sat in my seat on the bus with your hair all sweated to your forehead and your lunchbox in the aisle." You stare up at him, maybe two or three inches below. Why is blinking suddenly impossible? "You had the baseball cap you used to wear, the red one." He motions a hand to the left side of your forehead, mimicking the brim of the cap. The classroom is empty, your knuckles whitening at the tautness of the pull on your backpack. "Let go for a minute." He asks, and it feels very genuine, so you do.

"I have to go home and study, like now. If I fail this class I'm done for." You push in your desk chair and look back up at Jaemin. "I would really appreciate my bag now." You lay your hands out flat, palm up. Somehow there's tears swelling in your eyes, and if you cry right now, that'll be super embarrassing. So you close your eyes to hold them back.

It's quiet for a second until two footsteps place Jaemin behind you. His hand envelopes a shoulder as he drags a strap over each one. It's scary how careful he is.

"There." He whispers, it's very quiet. "I'm sorry." He says, so quiet it's like he wants to not be heard. 

"Sorry." You return, opening your eyes again. The window shines in the brightest sunshine you've seen for a while, you blink a few times and wipe away wetness before turning around. He stands lanky and still, head hanging mysteriously low in shame. "Don't feel bad, sorry I didn't react like how you're used to." 

"I'm not used to any response at all, that was my first… statement."

"Confession?" You correct, and watch as his eyes trail back and forth between the tiles on the floor. His hands fiddle at his sides, fingers touching each other all over. You take quick steps and wrap your arms wide around him, feeling the back of his neck in one slide of your palm, his hands reaching back out just a second too late. "Bye." You mumble, prancing itty bitty steps out of the classroom before full-on sprinting down the hall. 

*

'youre so weird Wtffffff why didn't you like be normal omhgh y/n'

'i don't know it was so awkward i wish i was never born'

'but u hugged him AAA'

'it was so bad please i like ran away afterwards it felt like kindergarten'

'its okay dw you can try talking to him more tmrw!'

'i have to focus on school now tho? like what are the fucking odds that the minute i actually am being forced to do better in school is the minute the loml confesses to like, being interested in me…'

'fail the class, join a club. trust me.

HOLY SHIT Y/N, TWO IN ONE. JOIN THE BASKETBALL TEAM!!!

I kind of wanted to join too… and ur like kinda tall… i believe in u'

’chenle i dont like sports and there is nothing in the world that could convince me to join.’

'just do it trust me jaemin is the only good one so even if ur bad u will blend in… plus maybe u can be like omg Jaemin how do i dribble omg i only know how to dribble drool down my jaw staring at u mwahmwah and then he'll be like Oh same let's make out'

‘chenle.'

'hehehehe'

*

The bus ride is quiet, some gentle stirring every once in a while from the few seats behind you, but your heartbeat is all that you can focus on. The ride is suddenly so much longer than you're used to… every turn the bus makes in the direction of Jaemin's stop is a step closer to imminent doom. 

Today is no different from the rest, Jaemin is caught waving the bus down with swinging arms and curved eyes, boarding with a bow before making his way down the aisle. It clicks quite quickly where he is planning to sit. Normally he gets on, takes a few wide steps, and plops himself in one of the first few seats. His eyes find yours almost instantaneously upon boarding, his palms smacking the corners of each seat as he passes them.

"No, no, no, no, no" you find slipping out from under your breath as he nears your seat until he's shoving you in the direction of the window with a giggle.

"Hey, buddy~" Jaemin sings out, smiling dangerously through his mask. His legs spread out wide and his black converse position themselves in opposite diagonals, creating an obtuse angle. Feels like you're back in Trigonometry. Your eyes zig-zag between the seat in front of you and the window out to your right. Ruffling the front of your hair a little, you adjust yourself to face him, just slightly. "There you are." He whispers, his eyebrows smoothing out after a quick bounce. 

Your heart takes precaution.

"I was worried you might ignore me, actually."

You hum a little note. "I'm surprised you're not ignoring me. I thought you might've been embarrassed."

Jaemin contorts his face slightly, tilting his head to the side, leaning until it falls against the seat in front of you. "Embarrassed? Why? What happened? I'm sitting here because this is my seat. This is the first time we are speaking." He holds out his hand, offering it. “My name is Jaemin.” His other hand traces shapes into his right thigh, maybe it's a nervous habit.

"Oh?" You catch on quickly, "Nice to meet you, Jaemin." The bus slows into a full stop to pick up a few more students, they take wide-legged steps down the aisle. The boy in the seat next to you disconnects eye contact for the first time since he boarded.

Each small pothole in the pavement rattles the bus gently, but Jaemin turns the small tremors into earthquakes, making sure to knock knees and shoulders at every small jostle, side-eyeing your reaction at each touch. There used to be something so terrifying about thinking of talking to Na Jaemin, like he would be too cool, or just think you were boring… but it's so different now that it's been put into action. He's cheesy, and embarrassing when it comes to showing public affection. This bus-ride twice a week leads to many 'Scandalous Public Transport Assignations,' as Jaemin labeled them. Smiley, tossing winks and sometimes a Brownie Bite from his lunchbox. The 30 minute bus ride would feel like 2 minutes next to him. 

*

“Today, you should come with me to basketball practice.” Jaemin is downing his half of the blueberry muffin you provided him with, speaking with full cheeks. “You can meet the other guys, and…” He brushes crumbs off of his lap. “I want them to meet you.”

“Wow, that’s forward.” You look over to Jaemin, who swallows the rest of his muffin with a loud gulp.

“Too forward? Aren’t we dating?”

“DATING?!” You yell out in shock, which causes multiple heads to turn and face your direction. You pass shy smiles and apologize softly to some people near you, sinking further into your seat. Brushing a strand of hair back with your pinky, you bite at your cheek, trying to think of the right words. Jaemin is sitting next to you, shoulders tense. “Okay, sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Patting him uncomfortably on the shoulder seems to do the trick! That is, if the desired outcome was for Jaemin to appear extremely embarrassed. “I don’t remember ever… agreeing to that.” You smile, and Jaemin’s shoulders drop significantly. 

“But we sit next to each other on the bus every single day.” He mimics a friendly wave, “And we wave to each other like this in the hallway!” Jaemin shuffles through his bag until he finds his milk carton. “And we give each other gifts.” His eyes blink rapidly, remembering something. “And you already hugged me.”

Your ears sting with hotness. “Okay, but those are things friends do too. We haven’t even been on a date, or ki...ssed.” Somehow it's hard to even say the word in front of him. Both sets of eyes fall to the floor of the bus. “I know we got close fast, but… If I’m going to date someone, even if it’s someone I’ve liked for a while… I still have standards.” Jaemin looks up and nods suddenly with determination. He brings his empty hand up from his side and offers his pinky.

“Promise me if I do those things, I can tell people I’m dating you.” 

Wow. It’s kind of baffling. He’s uncontrollably cheesy and really bad at stuff like this. Maybe romcoms have set your expectations for high school boys a little bit too high. 

“Okay. I pinky promise.”

“Stamp it.” Jaemin commands. “Sign it.”

“Copy it.”

“So dramatic…” You push his hand back into his lap and fold your fingers together. 

Jaemin is smiling.

*

Two weeks later, Jaemin frantically texts you 13 times in less than 30 seconds.

‘hhey y/n’

‘this isvery important’

‘Respondpls’

‘My mom saidtaking my phoneaway’

‘Bc failing english and’

‘Help’

‘y/n my bus buddy’

‘PLSSS’

‘M also fail math n scienc’

‘I have an iddddea’

‘REPSOND MYABY’

‘LIFE OR DEATH’

‘CALL 119’

‘WHAT????’

‘JUST CALL ME…!!?’

And so the phone rings.

“Hi, my baby. Here’s the thing, I have this great idea. And it will work. Because my mom doesn’t know about you-”

(Why doesn’t his mom know about you? Your whole family already knows about Jaemin! This is embarrassing. I mean, you have only been talking for 3 weeks, and you did say you wanted to take things slow, so why is Jaemin the one who’s treating this like one big-)

“Agree? It’s a good idea right? Then we can spend time together! Infinite dates!” Jaemin finishes, his breath pouring into the phone in loud intervals as he wraps up his speech. Unfortunately, very little was heard or understood, so a simple- “Of course! Let’s do it!” suffices to make Jaemin happy. 

The only downside is you’re completely unsure of what you have just signed yourself up for.

* It only takes 4 seconds with Jaemin’s mother to greet you with: “So you must be my son’s tutor!” to get you up to speed.

“Yes, Miss Na. Here to help with the classes he’s struggling in.” You beam, realizing you are ill-equipped, hands empty besides your special green pen with sparkly ink. “And, um, Jaemin said I should just bring myself- since he has his textbooks with him!” Scratching at your left shoulder, you hope she doesn't notice the bead of sweat forming on your forehead.

“Of course, of course. Well, come in, might I add- you are just as cute as a button! I set out some mango for you. You’ll be okay at the dining room table, I presume?” 

“Gosh!” (You haven’t heard that exclamation come out of your mouth in ages.) “Thank you so much, and yes, that’s perfect.” Peering past Jaemin’s mom as you step inside, slipping your shoes off, you notice that his house is much different from yours. The ceilings are very low, wallpaper is seen peeling at the seams, and the floor is scuffed where you stand. Although clean, this house is struggling. Jaemin is at the table, his feet curled up onto a dining chair, making the hole in his sock visible. 

“Now, do you have a running rate for your services? I know it looks like we don’t have the most money, but I work long hours and will be able to afford what you deserve. His education is everything to me.” Your heart breaks slightly, and you shake your head side to side. 

“This is just volunteer work for the school’s Honor Society, don’t worry.” You make your way to Jaemin, who’s smiling at you from his seat. “The most I might need is… a signature? To mark off my hours...? If that’s okay.”

His mom’s eyebrows bounce in amazement. “Jaemin told me it might cost a bit, so I was really prepared! Please, if you need anything, let me know. Thank you so much. I have a shift in about 20 minutes, so I need to be on my way. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She lets her palm slide down your arm and kisses Jaemin on top of his head, and then she’s gone. 

The door slams and you turn your head to Jaemin with fire burning in your eyes. “You were going to have her pay me?! What is wrong with you?” 

“You are seriously going to tutor me, why wouldn’t she pay you? I wanted to be fair.” He rolls his eyes and lets his head fall back against his neck. 

“But you’re-” your eyes scan the entryway and dining room, fist balling.

“Yes, we are not rich.” He sits up properly in his chair. “Doesn’t mean we just get out of paying for things that you are meant to pay for.” He shimmies in his chair. “We aren’t slimy, and don’t think my mom only took your offer because she was excited to get out of paying. She believed you. That’s why she took it.” His palms fall flat on the table as he hoists himself up.

“I don’t think that!” You argue, “Don’t say that. I don’t think like that. Learn to trust a little, Jaem. I’m your friend, I didn’t want to be paid because I’m your friend. She works hard and doesn’t deserve to have to deal with you failing all your classes because you think not trying is cool.” 

“I think trying is not cool? Are you serious? Is that the person you think I am?” Jaemin’s face gets bright red at that one. 

You stutter slightly at the sight of him angry. “I didn’t mean that. I just said it, I don’t know why.” He laughs like he’s really hurt, like he’s so baffled he ran out of viable words. You don’t think you want to be here anymore. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s study some English, then.” He sighs out.

You quickly learn that Jaemin is not the type to say something impulsively. That doesn’t mean he won’t crack a joke that objectively sucks or make a funny noise when he realizes he’s been quiet for too long; but rather that when he means to speak seriously, he will think it through thoroughly beforehand. He chooses his words carefully, even if they don’t sound carefully chosen, (his vernacular kind of lacks…) He just wants to be understood in a way where whatever he is expressing is exactly how he wants to express it. This is a great talent, one that you most definitely do not possess. 

You’re in the middle of analyzing a poem when Jaemin interrupts you. “I do try. I try really, really hard.”

“I know.” You say, quietly.

“No, you don’t. Because what you said earlier must’ve had some truth to it. At least from your perspective. Now, I want to explain my perspective.” He looks up to your eyes without ever moving his head. His eyebrows furrow harshly as he thinks, and then lifts his head. For the first time in your life with Jaemin, this is the first time he’s looked so serious, the first time he hasn’t been smiling. “You are one of the only people on this Earth; besides my mom, that I actually want to make proud.” He fiddles with his pencil before letting it fall to his notebook page. “Everyone works at a different pace, you know? I work slightly slower, and that doesn’t mean I’m not trying- it doesn’t mean I’m stupid. It just means that I need more time to figure this shit out.” He shrugs in his zip-up hoodie, feeling the end of its sleeve between his fingers. “Who knows, maybe my end product— whether it’s a math equation or an essay, is better written, easier to understand, is...” He displays his palms in a ‘you get it’ manner. “There are a lot of students who struggle the same as me. We all try. It’s just different for us— learning is different. Please don’t just assume I don’t try because I don’t do well.”

Your eyes trace along the lines of his face for a moment before looking down at the sentences on the book below you. “I understand. I’m sorry. I hated how I said that so carelessly. I-I am proud of you. I am proud of you for many reasons. I want you to be proud of me too.” There’s a little silence afterwards, just so he can think about everything, process it. He whispers a “Thank you” and you complete one more problem before he’s back to spacing his eyes around the expanse of the room. It takes a minute or two until Jaemin is back to smiling, but the pain of worry stings his eyes, obviously feeling more than he wanted to let on. He opens his mouth a few times to speak before shutting it with a shake of his head. It hurts your heart more than you expect it to. “I’m only worried if I lose my position on the basketball team…” He stutters for a second, motioning with his hands. Looking away for a moment with his palm over his mouth. “I don’t want to lose this thing I love, and I don’t want to let down my team, and I don’t want to… to lose potential scholarships or let down you or my mom.” He forces this extremely weak smile and twirls a pencil nervously. “So… I’ve got to give it my all.” You lean back in your seat, and watch him come to terms with the feelings he's realizing that have suddenly begun to overwhelm him. “I’m gonna tutor the shit out of you.” His eyes dart up to you, scanning over your face before a smile tugs across his lips. This one is real, like he believes you. His head drops back to the paper on the table before him. “Don’t worry. You’re not losing anything or letting anyone down.” You tap your pen onto the next essay question in his homework, “I won’t let you.”

Jaemin leans over the table far enough that his butt leaves his seat so he can wrap his arms around your neck and rest his chin on your head. It lasts for a moment, then he pulls back, scoots himself in, and picks back up his pencil.

*

That Thursday, Jaemin and you stay after school. He has basketball practice, and asks you to wait in the gym as he goes into the locker room to change. They don’t wear masks, you guess because it could be hard to play with them on. There’s already a few guys dribbling a ball around and chatting while they wait, their shoes squeaking intermittently. “How do you know Jaemin?” One of them asks, you don’t recognize them from any of your classes, but Sungchan stands slightly behind him, ajar, watching his teammate interact with you.

“Same bus, actually.” You throw a thumb behind your shoulder as if you’re pointing to the bus lanes. They’re actually in the complete opposite direction. You hope he doesn’t notice.

He starts making his way over to you. “Oh cool. He’s one of the best players we've got.” He nods, beckoning for Sungchan to come join the both of you. “This is Sungchan, and I’m Jeno.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.” Your shoulders instinctively broaden, like some intimidated wild animal. They’re taller than you. Jeno… not by a lot, but Sungchan has quite a few inches on you. Jeno says some stupid thing under his breath, something like… ”Rad,” “Epic,” or  “Chilllll.”

Explosive laughter echoes from behind you, and Jaemin is jogging up in athletic shorts and a jersey. “So awkward, Jeno.”

Jeno’s face flushes, he smiles, spinning around in an embarrassed circle, flourishing with the ball between his fingers. “Trying to welcome your newbie, leave me alone!” He bounces off towards the basketball hoop with big bounding leaps.

Sungchan gives a weak smile. “Nice to meet you.” You nod back, if anything he seems more shy than intimidating now. Jaemin pats your shoulder, poking a finger into your lower back to get you to start moving forward with him. You trail behind Sungchan as a few more boys come out of the locker rooms, boisterous enough to get you to turn back to watch them trickle out. Jaemin smiles at you, craning his head over to you, blocking the view of the door. 

“I’m the cutest, trust me. Don’t bother wasting your time.” You smile back, turning forward as he pulls his hand back to his side. You believe him.

*

Jaemin texts you a picture of him with the rest of the basketball team, each one of them cheesing so hard that their eyes are all swallowed up. They surround their coach who in turn, holds Jaemin up on his shoulders. Jaemin has his fingers gripped tightly around a small trophy. You have to pinch and zoom in pretty far to even see the little gold award. Nonetheless, all of the boys look ecstatic.

‘Yessss!!!!!’ you text, littering the chat with confetti poppers and balloons.

He responds with a close up picture of him pouting his lips. ‘Where do you want it?’

You pull up your blankets out from under you, nuzzling your cheek into your comforter. ‘butt’. You type out, searching frantically for a gif after the read receipt pops up.

‘Your wish is my command.’ He responds, signing off the text with an emoji of a peach followed by one of a kiss. You smile big.

*

Jaemin is the same as always at school, only sometimes he glances over at you, mid-conversation with a friend and nods a slight smile, even across the entire room you never miss it. It’s low effort, but it feels like the best thing in the world. It makes you think to those bus rides where you didn’t know him at all, and how each season he looked more boyish than the rest, floppy and carefree and completely exasperated by his sprint to the bus doors. It was flashing shades of red and white and you wonder what he looks like now. You think to yourself how lucky you feel now. You don’t look away when he boards, or shy away behind the person’s head in front of you. He looks for your eyes and locks into them before you have time to pull your backpack into your lap. He’s calmed down now, like he understands you better and isn’t just being loud to cover up hidden worries. He squeezes up close and leans his head on your shoulder, he’ll lay his head down on your lap, and he will grab and hold your hand like it’s everything he will ever know. The red glow of the interior bus lights slide over the side of his face like a painting and he whispers homework answers like love poems. He’s easy, like it was always meant to be this way. You wonder how you ever lived without him.

*

It’s nearing the end of the semester now and tutoring Jaemin has been enlightening. His mind is beautiful and he never fails to surprise you with his specially hidden sensitive brilliance. It's dark when you finish up Jaemin's English packet and his mom arrives home with a noodle dish in a plastic to-go box. She sets it on the table and pushes it between the two of you. "I just ate some on the bus home, so I'm full. You two can share if you'd like. Again, Y/N, thank you so much for your kindness. I can sign now, then I'm off to the shower." She smiles. Jaemin gives a side glance that just screams 'She's never that nice to me!' And you can only reassure her that it's no issue, and Jaemin is a determined, creative learner. His ears blush with a saturated pink when his gaze shifts from his mom to you. His mom signs off on your paper and shuffles into a dark hallway behind the both of you.

"No way you actually believe that…" He fiddles with his warm ear between his index finger and thumb. 

"Of course. You go after what you want." 

Jaemin laughs and his hand falls into his lap. "Right, just very very slowly." You're packing up your textbook as you shoot him a smile.

"And? You said it. Different paces, it's alright. You have such a fun way of going about answering things. You can see in your work that you see the world differently from everyone else. You see it with hope.” You pluck the pencil from Jaemin’s loose fingers and tuck it into your pencil case with a smile. “You're smart."

His eyes light up. "Wow, no one has ever said that to me before. I could kiss you right now."

"But… should you?"

"Should I not?" Jaemin has this smile that glides across his face and eyes blink slowly, like a cat showing its affection.

“You can, if you’d like.”

Jaemin laughs sharply, rocking back in his seat with his palms pressed firm against the edge of the table. His smile falters into a downturned expression of focus. “No, because— I’ve dreamed of this…” He stands out of his seat, turns around and paces a few times across the dining room and through the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” You laugh, standing up to watch him. “Jaemin.” You place your pencil case on the table, folding your arms as he continues pacing.

“Wait, I can’t do it now. Give me like, 5 minutes.” He pauses, turns, faces you, and points. “I need to get you by surprise.” Then continues walking back and forth.

“I don’t want to be kissed by surprise, I want our first kiss to be…” You motion with wide swinging arms. “Like, kind and…” Your hands cup and cradle the air.

Jaemin stares, nods slightly like he’s factoring in a few different possibilities and outcomes, and then returns back to his seat. You stare down at him for a second, and his eyes flicker up to you for a moment before returning to his homework. He spins a pencil around and between his fingers.

“I want to like… make out.” You say softly, watching him from above. He stops pacing for a second, processes, then continues. “I want to… touch you all over.” Your stomach turns harshly, and Jaemin freezes again, his body still. “I want to have—”

“Y/N! You’re still here. You’re usually on your way home by now, aren’t you?” Her voice is slightly stern, your eyes bulge and flicker between Jaemin and his mom. Neither of you dare to move. Your logic is: Maybe if you’re super still, she will forget the last 10 seconds.

It does not work.

She clears her throat, and you see her hair wrapped in a towel, pajama-clad figure just in the corner of your peripheral vision. You think you might pee yourself out of fear. “Need anything else signed? A ride home?” You can only shake your head slowly before turning and swiping a few papers into your backpack, gathering it up and walking to the door without ever glancing back at Jaemin. 

“We’re dating. I’m their boyfriend.” He spits out, Jaemin’s voice makes your head whip around, and your eyes skip back and forth between Jaemin and his mom. Your heart is beating out through your ears. “We were going to kissssss...” His words fizzle out and his eyes shift between his mom and you as you attempt your daring escape. He points down at the table, finger pressing into a notebook. “Go.” He whispers, and you both sprint out the door.

The moonlight cuts through the trees as you walk down the street. Jaemin doesn’t usually walk you home, but since the sun has been setting earlier and it’s getting colder, he has been occasionally joining you. He hooks your elbows like a barrel of monkeys. 

Jaemin laughs so hard he has to wipe tears from his eyes. “I thought she was going to actually strangle you, throw your body across the room like a doll.” You lean forward and back again as you laugh, Jaemin steps heavy with tireless energy and silent laughter casts over the street.

“We’re-dating-I’m-their-boyfriend.” You mock him, and he shoves you with a shoulder off the curb. You try to catch yourself, pulling your hands out of your pockets a second too late. Jaemin grabs your arm and pulls you back to him, shouting apologies up until you can steady yourself. “You’re so cute,” you whisper. He pulls you into his chest and you lock eyes for a moment, it’s almost romantic before you stick your pinky in his ear. At this point, you’re sure you’ll keep sabotaging yourself out of this excitement until you’re both 80. It makes his shoulders jump and his neck go limp, his arms noodling and recoiling away from your touch. You both laugh until you make eye contact again.

“I like you. I really do. A lot.” He gushes, his fingers sliding their way up your sides to pull out your ears.

“I like you when you’re ugly.” He pushes your nose up, snorting like a pig. “I like you when you’re beautiful.” He lets his fingers trace down your neck, kissing you twice, chastely on your jaw. “I liked you when you took my seat on the bus.” He folds a hand around your wrist. “And I liked you when you left your lunchbox in the aisle.” He kisses again, another time on your cheek.

“But I like you the most, the absolute most…” He kisses your bottom lip, giggling as he moves his way up, angling himself with a slight bend to his knee “…when you like me too.”

☆

(masterlist) ☆ (nct masterlist)

[pombeom]

trigger warning (sexual crimes mentioned)

hey pombeom here,

i was gonna finish writing a fic for a request today but the whole taeil incident really threw me off and it got me thinking about how we can never trust the idols we see on screen. i don’t stan nct but i did for a few months back in 2020/2021 and you would never have thought that taeil was capable of something like this. i’m very much disappointed and enraged by his behaviour and i hope he gets what he deserves and that the victim/(s) are supported in every way. plus the news of the nth room again in korea just drove me over the edge. apparently around 200 male idols were involved and i’m starting to fear that some of the groups i stan are the wrong type of people. this just shows that we never fully know the ppl we are fans of.

this isn’t the type of content i wanted to be posting on here as i want this to be a positive space but ive been disturbed by all the news today and its gotten to the point where my trust is being broken. i just needed somewhere to share my thoughts and anyone who thinks taeil’s actions are acceptable pls unfollow immediately. i don’t want to be interacting with someone who supports a sex offender.

once i clear my mind of this incident, i shall be posting again. i even had a few new ideas yesterday that i was gonna work on so maybe i can actually get to writing them soon.

if anyone wants any information on any of this or wants to talk for any reason please feel free to reach out and message me. once again sorry that i’m having to talk about this instead of posting a fic, but this topic is very important to me even though i haven’t gone through it myself. i know people im very close to experience sexual harassment and it’s something that gets me so angry. i just needed to get this off my chest so bad. thank you of you for to the end of this long rant but i just need ppl to understand the seriousness of this.

-pombeom

[hannie-dul-set]

ofc i rmb!!! interacting w u was like a formative experience in my short-lived tumblr era 🥹

ive noticed a lot of czennies losing interest around 2021 and im wondering if its bcs of their releases or everyone just got simultaneously busier after the pandemic 😭 I saw a lot of writers deac/become ia but im really glad to see you still going strong!! #allexworlddomination

ALSO i read kathang isip recently (which isn’t a new fic at all LMAO sorry) and I was severely unprepared for the ending 🥲💔 i had to reread the last part over and over again to understand what was going on bcs i didn’t know it was angst and thought i was just missing the secret happy ending 😭

- 🍜

real life for sure caused me to slip away for a year or two, but i'm pretty sure the death of nct fanficblr can also be attributed to the lack of reader interaction but that's a conversation for another time LMAO.

FHGDJSJS i feel a bit embarrassed because my writing style back then was objectively lackluster BWAHAHAHA. would love to revisit some of my works from that time and rework them bcs GOSH seeing people rb/like my old just makes triggers my fight or flight, wanting to delete them from the face of the earth button HAHSHGDJS 😞😞🤙.

[salphia]

MASTER LIST

CRIMINAL MINDS

ONE SHOTS / IMAGINES:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Aaron Hotch

Jason Gideon

David Rossi

Penelope Garcia

Elle Greenway

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau

Emily Prentiss

Ashley Seaver

Alex Blake

Kate Callahan

Tara Lewis

Luke Alvez

Stephen Walker

Matt Simmons

Y/N x Criminal Minds:

Falsey Accussed (Spencer x Y/N) [ONGOING]

My Own Works:

Interactive Fics:

REQUESTS: open

RISE OF THE / TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

ONE SHOTS / IMAGINES ( DNI PRO-SHIPPERS & TECST )

Leonardo Splinterson/Hamato

Donatello Splinterson/Hamato

Raphael Splinterson/Hamato

Michelangelo Splinterson/Hamato

April

Casey Jr

Cassandra

Sunita

Kenndra

Splinter

Cody

Baxter Stockman (2003 only)

That worm from rise

Shredder (1987, 2003, 2012 only)

Karai / Miwa

Foot Clan

Hippno

Mona Lisa

Draxum

Big Mama

Venus Splinterson/Hamato

Jennika Splinterson/Hamato

Y/N x ROT/TMNT [PLATONIC ONLY & SOME AGNST. NO SMUT OR SEX]:

My Own Works:

Family. (w/ Ferris and Kit) [AO3]

Interactive Fics:

REQUESTS: open

NARUTO

ONE SHOTS / IMAGINES ( DNI: STUDENT X TEACHER )

Naruto

Sakura

Sasuke

Kakashi

Obito

Minato

Ino

Hinata

Neji

Rock Lee

Gai

Iruka

Gaara

Rin

Shikamaru

Shino

Jiraiya

Y/N x NARUTO CHARARTES:

MY Own Works:

Interactive Fic's:

REQUESTS: open

K-POP, J-POP, C-POP, OTHERS

ONE SHOTS / IMAGINES ( DNI PRO-SHIPPERS )

BTS

SEVENTEEN

Vacation Day ( Seungkwan & Vernon ) [ Requested by: @zenyukifanficblogs ]

VIXX

NCT

RIIZE

STRAY KIDS

VERIVERY

ZEROBASEONE

TXT

ENHYPEN

INFINITE

GOLDEN CHILD

B.A.P

ATEEZ

THE BOYS

Da-iCE

JAYY PEEE

+MORE

Y/N x K-POP IDOLS:

My Own Works:

Interactive Fic's:

REQUESTS: open

TRANSFORMERS

GOOD OMENS

SHERLOCK

THE NIGHT MANAGER

MARVEL

DC

SWORD ART ONLINE

ONE SHOTS / IMAGINES ( DNI: Asuna R*p3, incest, Bondage )

SOUL EATER

THE RISING SHIELD HERO

MY HERO ACADEMIA

BLACK BUTLER

BLUE EXORCIST

VASH STAMPEDE

VOLTRON

HEARTSTOPPER

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

BUNGO STRAY DOGS

FULL METAL ALCHEMIST

CODE GEASE

ASSASSATION CLASSROOM

FIRE FORCE

IS THIS A ZOMBIE?

DEATH NOTE (Anime Only)

DEADMAN WONDERLAND

MY OWN WRITINGS:

Romance Bundle - $3.50 [USD] per month (BOOKS INCULDED) (COMING SOON)

LAST DANCE

HELLO, GOODBYE

A YEAR FULL OF GOODBYES

SPOILED

READY TO LOVE READY FOR LOVE

GOTTA BE YOU KILLING ME

JANE & JOHN

IMPACT

MOONLIGHT GAZE

~

Wildside Tier - $5.50 [USD] per month (BOOKS INCULDED) (COMING SOON)

THE ROMANCE BUNDLE

~

TRAPPED IN AN ONLINE GAME [VIDEOGAME SERIES BOOK 1] (INKITT - FREE TO READ) . Action . Sci-fi . Video Games . Adventure . Anime

UPDATED: September 17th 2023-10:00pm

~

THE HAUNTED HOUSE (INKITT - FREE TO READ) . Horror . Mystery

UPDATED: July 23rd, 2022-5:31pm

~

SQUAD35 - SEASON ONE (INKITT - FREE TO READ) . Sci-fi . Horror . Mystery . Thriller . Action . Adventure . Anime UPDATED: April 25th, 2023-6:58pm

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UNIT 0000 STORY (INKITT - FREE TO READ) . Fantasy . Adventure

UPDATED: July 31st 2021-4:00pm

~

ZODIAC - SEASON ONE (COMING SOON ~ INKITT - FREE TO READ)

Action

Adventure

Schooling

PUBLISHED:

~

MAGIC; only in fairy tales [BOOK 1] (COMING SOON ~ INKITT - FREE TO READ)

Fantasy

Action

Adventure

Schooling

PUBLISHED: August 4th 2023-10:36pm

~

HIDE & SEEK (COMING SOON ~ INKITT - FREE TO READ)

Horror

PUBLISHED:

~

ANSWERS [BOOK ONE] (COMING SOON ~ INKITT - FREE TO READ)

Mystery

Thriller

Drama

PUBLISHED:

~

ENTENDER; SCROLL ONE-ARTHUR SMITH (COMING SOON ~ INKITT - FREE TO READ)

Fantasy

Adventure

Mystery

PUBLISHED:

[onlyjaeyun]

what was ur yuta fic acct!! i think i might've followed you from there and followed your this account when u move bcause i don't remember following you but i am 🥹 and i used to follow nct blogs!

it used to be dimplyjae but i deleted that blog back in 2021! the yuta fic was called "scorpions" 🤭

[peachjaem00]

Teaser; The moon to my starts

PAIRING; childhood best friend!jisung x fem reader

SYNOPSIS;  jisung has been in love with you forever but kept it a secret because he was too afraid to ruin your friendship. he had to endure watching you make a life without him until one day he could not hold it any longer, he couldn’t let the moon leave his stars. or jisung being a complete and absolute simp for the reader since he was a little boy. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS; twin brother! Haechan, jeno, yeji (itzy), jaemin, chenle, renjun

WC; 14.5k

THEMES; fluff, angst, pinning, friends to lovers, non idol! Jisung

WARNINGS; swearing, female reader, mentions of alcohol, mentions of blood, physical fight, mentions of bruises, jealousy

AN; just a little preview for a fic i have been working on since august 2021 based on my jisung’s timelapses [01:10 pm], [12:30 am], [02:00 pm] let me know if anyone wants to be added to the taglist or any questions. you don't have to read the timestamps to understand the fic.

also big shoutout to @cappujeno and @ichorai for beta reading this and for their support, this fic would have not happen if it wasn't for your help!

He was five when he saw you for the first time.

You noticed how shy and nervous he was, so you came closer, grabbing his hand and rubbing your little thumb on his knuckles in an attempt to calm him down. 

“Do you want to come and play? I promise we're nice people,” you said in the softest voice. It only took a look into your eyes to make Jisung forget about his shyness, the warmth in them was enough to make him feel safe. 

He was 10 years old when he discovered he had a crush on you.

He was on his bed, trying to sleep, but he was wide awake, his chest heavy and his mind was empty, only you in it. He didn't understand why. Why was he thinking so much about his friend? Why did that hug feel so nice? Why did that kiss make him so flustered? Why couldn't he get you out of his mind? Or maybe he knew, maybe he had known for a while but he didn't want to admit it…

“Oh no…”

He was 15 years old when he realized he was in love with you. 

“Oh, c'mon dude, calm down.” 

“I can't because you were right.” 

“About what?” 

“I do love her.” 

He was 16 years old when he got in a fight.

“You fucking asshole!” And after that he punched Jeno in the face, making his lip bleed. “How fucking dare you!?” And another, he could hear your screaming but he was blinded by rage. “You don't love her enough!? Then you never loved her in the first place!” And another, and another and another.

He was 18 year old when he entered university.

“How did we let this happen?” 

“I don't know.” 

“We promised nothing was gonna change after me leaving.” 

“I know.” 

“Then why is everything different?” 

“Because…” He wanted to tell you, he wanted to confess but the words got stuck once again. He didn't want to do it like that, during a phone call while you were kilometres away. “We're dumb?” Your laughter made the ambience lighter. 

“Yes, we’re very, very dumb.” You wiped a few tears away and cleared your throat. “Let's start being smart again.”

“How?”

He was 19 years old when he confessed his love towards you.

“God, I fucking love you.” It was a whisper. It was innocent and said out of instinct, he didn't even realise what he just said until you left his side. 

“What!?” 

“Nothing.” He was ready to leave but your hand on his wrist stopped him. You made him face you.

“That was not nothing.” He didn't dare to look at you. “What did you just say Park Jisung?” Your tone was demanding and serious, not in an aggressive way but you wanted an answer.

[ujunxverse]

hello, my name is r! I understand that you're done with enhypen now, but i really hope you could give me a chance; there's nothing else i could ask for.

two years ago, i began actively using tumblr—which I've had from earlier but didn't really use—a fee months after getting into enhypen around late 2021, the dimension dilemma era. it was love at first sight for me when i saw riki in that wig; you know the one, the really cute ombre blonde wig. the first member to catch my eye was sunghoon, but once i saw dimension : dilemma Charybdis riki, it was all over for me.

as for enhypen/kpop (but i really only pay attention to enha, occasionally i spare attention for txt, skz, nct) tumblr, you, or rather your fic "a distant journey" was my first ever love. i recall reading it about the first few days i was on here, and i was completely new to kpop and/or real person fanficfion. a distant journey shattered my heart into pieces, and built me back up into life again. i cried to it and reread it at least twice. I've never once forgotten it, i even made a playlist in my phone's music player with the few songs i had just for it and named after it too.

back then I wasn't familiar with how tumblr worked, so i quickly lost the fic when you deactivated orpheyeux. I didn't remember your url. but afterwards, i read welcome and you were orochxi, i believe. I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE THE SAME PERSON. i did leave a really long reblog if you remember! i was devastated (in the best way possible;your writing is pure magic) and i recall you saying it's not your position to say what of heeseung's fate after the ending. i saw my comments again and i cringed—so fucking embarassing and annoying, now that i look back on it. but I don't regret that i showed you how i felt about your writing, i just hope i didn't leave a negative impression. i apologize again. it was so fucking cringe, i wish i worded my overwhelming emotions better.

anyhow, i should've realised that the two most profound stories ive ever read within the first half year of my being on enhypen tumblr were written by you. they were both very impactful and left a dent in my life when everything else i read didn't even come close to leaving a touch, a stain, a scratch, a mark. nothing. i could barely even remember now what i read back then save for a few fics, two of which were yours.

i thought you were inactive, based on your oiwa blog. ive only just found you active and well now. i was sad to see that you've discontinued writing for enhypen, but i completely understand and respect your decision. it simply doesn't bring you joy anymore, and letting it go was for the best. im sorry that it happened to you, the fandom expansion that let in shitty people and changing the knitted community you were familiar and were happy with. but i can say that i am glad you are still writing, and writing so much at that too! i truly wish you well and happiness. you're awfully creative, and i admire that so much. i look up to you and your penmanship abilities.

i am sorry for taking so long, here's where i get to my point. i saw your orpheyeux archive and saw that you had several fics, a sunghoon one i believe about 47k too! all of which were gone, and my curiousity peaked. is there ever a chance you will archive or reupload elsewhere all your previously published works? i felt so overwhelmed at finding you again and upset myself over finding out that only a few of your works were still available to read. i know you've left it all behind and that the possibility of your return is still undetermined, but i wanted to have hope. that's all i want to know.

thank you so, so much for taking time to read my very long ask. even if you choose not to reply and delete it, i accept it. i genuinely wish you so much love and admiration, your writing prowess deserves the recognition.

🪽

hey! i'm sorry i got around this ask very late. nice to meet you, r!

first off, i just wanted to thank you for taking the time to read my works! i'm glad that they had such a profound effect on you and that you continue to remember them for quite a long time. a distant journey was just a tribute piece to the 3.11 earthquakes because i've built a tradition to write one every year when i was still active. i wrote one for yuta in 2021, and i wrote one for riki in 2022.

ah, that's a first! usually people can tell it's me with the format or writing style, but it's a relief to know that i can manage to hide my identity very well. and don't worry! you didn't leave a bad impression at all! it was a nice thing to have a charged response to my work, given the nature of the themes i tackle. don't be embarrassed at all, really, and i'm honestly glad i was able to see an honest reaction to my work.

thank you so much for the compliment, it's really the highest form that i can receive. i don't necessarily mean to leave such an impact through the works i write, but i'm glad you think of them that way, and i'm also happy that the two works i've written are important to you. i was the same as well, where a lot of what i read don't really impact me in such a way or are remotely memorable. i think the few that i can think of off the top of my head is the really popular beomjun fic on ao3 and a few works from my vkook days and some really good satosugu aus i found on the site as well. the problem that a lot of fanfics often go through is oversaturation, and as someone with more of a literary (fiction and non-fiction) background, it's really difficult for me to get into works unless they read like novels, which tends to be a problem for a lot of oneshots i come across.

unfortunately, i think even oiwxa will be shut down for good after i migrate umazane misli onto ao3, where i'll primarily be writing from here on out. i just don't like the audience on tumblr in general, seeing as it's not necessarily a site made for longer-form works or chaptered fics. tumblr was always more geared towards headcanons, art, and drabbles even in its hay day, and if i want to rekindle my writing or find the write audience while acknowledging the problems i have with this site (plagiarism, prominence of y/n or reader insert fics, preference for college!aus or more romantic/sexual works), i think it's been long overdue for me to move to ao3 for good. i find that it's less of a fandom issue now (though i do agree the people on here are just horny), but more of a demographic issue. the stuff i write was never catered towards the audience here, and as a result, my constant disappointment didn't lie with the fandom, but how the site worked in general. and with the influx of people from twitter migrating and only liking works without reblogging or adding any comments, i think it's time for me to leave, though i did have fun here while it lasted.

once again, thank you so much for your kind words! i will reupload some of my works as i think i've written too much to let any of it go to waste, but i won't be uploading them here. they'll be on ao3, under a new fandom (either txt or zb1) and will be formatted to remove the reader. i think my biggest qualm was how restrictive reader inserts were in my creative process, and it would be nice to have some leeway and freedom with that. i know those who read on tumblr aren't the biggest fan of ships, but if you want to read my works, you're free to visit my ao3 and start there. the sunghoon fic, miracle aligner (which was originally written for doyoung) will also be on there, but it's yeonbin.

much, much love to you as well, and once again, thank you for taking the time to send me a message. i appreciate every single word.

best,

vivian

[smileysuh]

i just wanna say i've been reading your work for a while now. i started with nct back in 2021 and recently i got into svt. my bias are mainly jaehyun, johnny, mingyu and with a side of wonwoo. i have always loved your work but lately im on a husband mingyu brainrot and shit did you feed my brain good just agsjshsjs i immediately subscribed to your patreon. im from south east asia so i can't subscribe to you for long sadly. my currency sucks 🥲 but really you're one of my favourite writer here. i've read most of your jaehyun, johnny and mingyu fics. THANK YOU AND I HOPE ONLY GOOD THINGS COME YOUR WAY ILYSM ❤️❤️❤️

also, would lowkey hope one day you'd write a mingyu and jaehyun fic 🤧 im a hoe for this two friends here

omg we have all the same biases!!!

thank you for subscribing! it was a good month to do so as i did double patreon bonuses :)

omg- a cross over fic 👀 you're making me think of when they were doing the bowling together at the isacs-

you're so right-

[rrxnjun]

content creator year in review.

thank you so much to toffee @neo-shitty for tagging me in this, i always enjoy talking about my work hhh also thank you for blessing my dash with your works and other posts throughout 2022 🤍

tagging. @shinachiro @kiachiako @cherryeoniis @crispy-chan @daegall @decembermoonskz 🫶

first creation and most recent creation of 2022. my first fic that i posted this year was not a single dandelion (johnny), which i worked on from the end of the year 2021 if i remember correctly. the most recent one is not posted yet -- two people (mark), but the one i did post already was a very spontaneous work called when nobody's watching (renjun).

one of your favorite creations of 2022. i really love my yangyang fics, if i'm being honest, but if i had to choose one, my most favorite would probably be i'm not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) (yangyang), because it's an idea i've had in my head for months and i think i executed it quite well. also, i really relate to the way i portrayed yangyang in this fic, so it's a personal thing for me haha.

one creation you're really proud of. however weird this is, i'm really proud of just saying (yangyang), even though the plot is silly HAHAHA a few people told me they think the fic is quite funny and i really strived for that, so i am glad i succeeded hihi

a creation that took you forever. just saying (yangyang) took me around 3 months to write, and will we talk? (donghyuck) took me... 6 months?? i started it in january and then got into a very depressive episode where i thought i'll never write again (and i also had finals and stuff LMAO) and then i picked it up in june and finally posted it mid-july,, although the plan for the fic was done last june. so technically, over a year- practically, maybe like 2-3 months of writing HAHA

a creation from 2022 that received the most notes. surprisingly, it was annoying (derogatory) (donghyuck) LMAOO its a halloween fic that I DIDN'T EVEN POST ON HALLOWEEN i posted it like 3 days late TT will we talk? (donghyuck) is a close second though, so i guess hyuck fics just do it for y'all

a creation from 2022 you think deserved more notes. honestly, i think your city gave me asthma (mark) and since i saw vienna (jaemin) deserve a lot more than they got hh, but as angst fics, i'm not really that surprised, since i didn't expect more.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it. none! im a loyal czennie LMAO no fr i did join a few i think but i stick to writing for nct, because its the only fandom i still engage in :)

a creation you made that breaks your heart. your city gave me asthma (mark) is a very personal fic that i wrote after i moved for uni. it's filled with all my homesickness, loneliness and feelings of not fitting in that i still kind of resonate with until now. when nobody's watching (renjun) also breaks my heart because of the concept of renjun's character and how he constantly changes himself up just to fit in, yet, still failing. also, i'm not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) (yangyang) breaks my heart on another level because of my mentioned relation to yangyang's character, and about how my primary emotion has always been anger.

a 'simple' creation you really love. i'm not bitter anymore (i'm syrupy sweet) (jeno) is a very simple fic with literally 0 plot, but i really do love it with my whole heart. it's just a fluffy redemption arc i wrote for jeno, just glued pieces of ideas i had in my notes that i couldnt fit into a long fic haha

a creation that was inspired by another one. a lot of my fics were inspired by songs, if that counts. but i think sugar and salt: the game of trust (mark) was inspired by multiple dystopian books i've read but i think mainly by squid game and the hungar games i suppose?

a favorite creation made by someone else. over on my fic recs blog @03230 there's an 'absolute favorite' tag you could check out for my favorites, but to mention some -> baby face (donghyuck) by @smileysuh friendly favour (donghyuck) by @hencity romancing (donghyuck) by @jenoloqy and they were roommates (donghyuck) by @tyonfs the lonely hearts club (seungmin) by @neo-shitty

some of your favorite content creators from this year. i honestly haven't read much this year, but here are some people whose works i really enjoyed 🫶 @shinachiro my talented best friend, @neo-shitty @cherryeoniis @daegall @sunpopz @tyonfs @luvdsc (always)

[neo-shitty]

— content creator year in review.

note. i haven’t seen this tag game circulating for this year yet so i might as well kick-start it. it’s one of the tag games i actually enjoyed doing : ] tagging. @lixesque @chogiwow @rrxnjun @sulfurcosmos @straykats @petrichor-han and everyone else who wants to do this :3

First creation and most recent creation of 2022: i do distinctly remember that, amidst my big wips leftover from 2021, try hard (skz, jisung) was the first fic i wrote and finished on 2022. i haven’t been keeping an accurate track of when i created which fics so i’m going by when i posted them. latest was knuckle-deep (skz, hyunjin)

One of your favourite creations from 2022: SLOW DANCING IN A BURNING ROOM (nct, haechan) !!!! oh i enjoyed writing this i was immersed for DAYS. and i’m so happy that it turned out the way i wanted it too and i didn’t end up hating the track i used as inspiration w/c usually happens with fics i work on for days straight.

One creation you’re really proud of: must i really pick one 😢 hmm, meet me where the flowers are (skz, hyunjin) bc i managed to shape this story into something that’s relevant outside of its fictional guise.

A creation that took you forever: no longer human (nct, jaemin) was the last big project i worked on HAHA and seeing as it took me until the next year to finish just shows how long it was in the works 😂

A creation from 2022 that received the most notes: oh my god. do i wanna know (nct, jeno). this fic was initially written for another idol and that simple switch when i reposted this multiplied my note count 10x. unbelievable.

A creation you think deserved more notes: *cracks knuckles* there are actually a lot this year! i don’t mean to expect receiving more but i just hoped that they would :( but in the end, i liked them so to hell with what other ppl think <3 — here comes the sun (ateez, san), ten feet deep still sinking (nct, mark), safety pin (skz, changbin), chevron signs (skz, felix), the lonely hearts club (skz, seungmin)

A new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: no new fandoms for me this year :( i actually stopped writing for others.

A creation you made that breaks your heart: out of everything i’ve written there were two hard-hitters because they were cut from my own skin <3 really was in my tortured artist era this year, there were no works unless i was suffering <3 the lonely hearts club (skz, seungmin) bc i cried thinking of the concept of this story and chevron signs (skz, felix) bc that’s just about the limit of how i’m able to express how my over-independence might kill me someday.

A ‘simple’ creation that you really love: ahhhhh, can’t i just say i like you (nct, haechan). i wrote this in one sitting feeling all fuzzy over the song i used as inspo for this :(

A creation that was inspired by another one: ten feet deep still sinking (nct, mark) !! inspired from stephen sanchez’ the pool w/c i will never tire of !! oh and of course, rick riordan’s pjo series bc this mark’s character is literally percy. this would pass as percy fanfiction actually!

A favourite creation created by someone else: your memory, my love by @chogiwow i’m yet to reread it i know but my mind wanders to it so much :(( esp after i watched eeaao :((

Some of your favourite content creators from this year: @rrxnjun​ @chogiwow @tyonfs @lixesque @inktae @luvdsc @jungkxook @petrichor-han @neonun-au i haven’t read much this year but i’m glad i stumbled upon your works 💗

[h-nsyl]

this is aeris. you might know me! here's my sideblog for fic recs. they're mostly x reader, but there are a few character x character, too, if i haven't reblogged them on my fandom sideblog. my tags are inconsistent and anything from 2015-2020 may be broken, but i often tag source material, rating, and character(s). common ones below:

rating: sfw | smut (tags not present before 2021)

kpop groups: seventeen | nct | monsta x | vixx | wanna one | exo (& more)

fandoms: haikyuu | obey me | tears of themis | genshin | voltron | mystic messenger | bleach | twisted wonderland | magi | black clover (& more)

i tend to reblog things i've already finished, but sometimes i'll reblog masterlists or links of recs. will add to this as needed.