ilustracioneslv

[444zaahh]

sneaky bf pics of mark that u can use as wallpaper!!🤭

[a-bts-world]

Chapter 2

As Mariposa walks through the hallway she sees multiple arches on the left side, they all seem to lead to the same big living room, which has three couches around a coffee table and two more couches further back in the room. On her right side she passes a door with a glass window, where the inside looks like a meeting room. Further down the hall she sees two doors on the right side, one on the left and in the middle there is another archway, this one leads to a room with a big table. It kind of looks like the eating area and she remembers Jaemin telling her that he eats with all of his family at the same time. The doors on the right have a name engraved in them. So Mariposa beliefs the door on the right is most likely to be the kitchen door. She thus decides to enter the room and look for Kun. However she doesn’t see Kun, there are two other men instead.

“Hello, I am looking for Kun? Jae told me he would be in the kitchen,” Mariposa shyly explains to the two men. The man with the black hair nods his head, he seems to understand her question. The man with the brown hair however just looks confused. He asks Mariposa which Jae told her this information. “You have multiple people named Jaemin?” Mariposa responds in disbelief, both men start laughing.

“No, but we do have a Jaehyun and a Jaemin. So we didn’t really understand who you were referring to, but we understand now. I am Johnny and this is Doyoung. Kun however went towards Taeyong’s office. So why were you looking for him?” The brown haired man asks, while the other man, Doyoung, is still trying to regain himself.

“Well, Kun was supposed to tell me about everything that is going on here. Well actually Jaemin would do that, but he followed someone else into an office,” Mariposa explained. Johnny gestures Mari to sit down in front of him, while Doyoung takes a seat next to him.

“Since we don’t know what you know already, I will start with the basics. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask them. By the way, do you want anything to drink?” Johnny asks, getting up from his seat and getting some cups. As the man stands up, Mariposa realizes how tall he is, she suddenly gets a bit intimidated by him. Such a tall man, who is part of the mafia, he can’t be nice, can he? “So we will start with who we are. We are NeoCityTeam, but most people know us as NCT. We are a big organization, with multiple units working separately from each other. We have four main units. The first one is NCT 127, then we have NCT dream and WayV, lastly we have NCT U. NCT 127 is the unit that is based here in Seoul, from here we try to make new ties outside of South-Korea. 127 consists of mostly the older members, we handle most of the actually fighting and stuff like that. When a connection to another place is made, it is necessary to maintain it, that is where other units come in. We only have a China based unit for now, but Taeyong is negotiating with the Japanese mafia. WayV handles our contact with the Chinese mafia. Then lastly we have the Dreamies, they are the youngest members we have. They are mostly doing undercover work or other things around the base, nothing too gruesome or cruel. Jaemin is part of the Dreamies. Lastly we have NCT U, the united unit. This is when Taeyong just picks random members to work on a certain assignment, no matter which group they normally operate with.” Johnny explains. As he ends his explanation Mariposa wonders who Taeyong is and why he decides these things. So as Doyoung asks whether she has any questions, she tells him this.

“Well Taeyong is our leader, he makes all the big decisions,” Doyoung answers. Mariposa nods, telling the two men that she is just curious to know what all of the men are doing. “Since we are 23 in total right now, I guess it would be easier for you to learn everyones function as you meet them. That way you can pair the name and function to a face. We will start with us. I am Doyoung, that is Johnny and we are part of 127. I am the guns specialist, while Johnny is a hand to hand combat soldier also training possible new members. Jaemin is a undercover agent, who is focusing on negotiating. Kun is the leader of WayV, our medic and also the person who does most of the cooking in the house. I believe Jeno and Yangyang were also in the car with you? Jeno is part of dream. He is also an undercover agent and he makes sure we have enough explosives. Yangyang is a member of the Chinese unit, where he mostly works as undercover agent and as a hacker. You will meet the other members later today.”

Just when Doyoung finished, Jaemin entered the kitchen. “hii kid, how did it go?” Johnny question the younger boy, ruffling through his hair. Jaemin just huffs at him, knowing Johnny is teasing him. “okay, sorry I asked,” Johnny genuinely apologizes, giving the boy a hug. “we explained a few things to Mariposa, maybe you wanna do the rest?” Jaemin nods and the two elder men leave the kitchen.

“So what should I tell you?” Jaemin wonders as he sits down next to Mariposa, putting his arm around her shoulder. Mariposa just shrugs her shoulders.

“I think they explained a lot already, but I was wondering if we could meet your other brothers and maybe you can give me a tour through the house.”

“Yes, good idea. Let’s do that! So right now we are in the kitchen, as you know. As you can see we are now sitting at a dinner table, this is the smaller dining table, mostly used for breakfast or for when the women in the house have their monthly girl dinner. As you will see tonight. Now let me show you the rest of the first floor.” Jaemin explains as he stands up and walks towards one of the two doors in the kitchen. “This door will leads to the hallway and is probably how you entered the room. This one, on the left, is the door to the dining room,” Jaemin says and opens the door. Excited to explore the house, Mariposa follows Jaemin. Once they enter the dining room Mariposa is in awe by the size of the table. She knew Jaemin has a big group of people surrounding him, but seeing that they eat dinner on such a big table is astonishing. “Now let’s continue, If we go back to the hallway, we see two studies across the kitchen. These are for Taeil and Taeyong. This hallway leads to poison room. We won’t enter today, but maybe some other time,” Jaemin continues casually, while pointing towards the hallway on the left. On the right is the living room, Jaemin explains that with this many people living in one house they needed a lot of couches, which is why this room has so many. Across the living room is the glass door that Mariposa saw earlier. “That is the meeting room, whenever we have something big planned, Taeyong holds all meetings in this room.” Then the two are back at the main entrance of the house. Jaemin quickly explains that the other hallway leads to the gym, a training room and the garage. So up they go. “All younger members sleep on the first floor of the building. So we are with ten of us right now, but there are some rooms empty. The second one to the left is my room,” Jaemin explains. He continues telling that the two rooms next to the stairs, going to the third floor, are another two studies, one for Mark and one for Kun. They don’t go upstairs, since there is nothing important really besides more rooms. “Maybe now we can go to the garage or training room, some of my brothers should be there,” Jaemin mentions as they walk back down. Mariposa is overwhelmed by all the new information, so she just nods, going along with whatever Jaemin is saying.

“Hi Jaemin! Are you here to do some training?” a smaller man with multiple tattoos and longer black hair ask Jaemin as they enter the training room. With the mention of Jaemin’s name another person peeks up from the back of the room and comes sprinting forward.

“Jae! How was your day?”

“Hello Chenle, my day is pretty good so far. How is yours?” Jaemin asks hugging one of his younger brothers. Chenle explains how he has to train with Ten because of something he said to Taeyong, he doesn’t even notice Mariposa. Ten on the other hand, does notice her. He stares straight at her, Mari just shyly waves at Ten. Hiding behind Jaemin. “Oh yeah, Chenle, Ten I almost forgot. This is Mariposa, my girlfriend,” Jaemin says, smiling from ear to ear.

“Oh hello, my name is Chenle,” the boy with the red hair says. After shaking hands with Mariposa he just skips away, back to his place at the back of the room. Ten also introduces himself and tells Mariposa not to worry about the weird boy.

After some small talk Jaemin and Mariposa head towards the next room. The garage. As they open the door, loud music welcomes them. It is a very big garage with 15 cars in multiple colors, from multiple brands. However she sees no one in the room. “Jae!” Jaemin screams, that must be the Jaehyun that Johnny and Doyoung talked about. Suddenly a cart comes riding out from underneath on of the cars, with a man on top of it. The man has a tool in his hand and something black on his face. That must be motoroil or something. Mariposa has no understanding of cars, so it could basically be anything.

“Hello there, my name is Jaehyun. I am in charge of making sure these pretty cars are still working correctly. I guess you must be Mariposa, Johnny told me about you. Are you enjoying yourself?” Jaehyun asks, whiping the sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief.

“Hello Jaehyun, yes, I am Mariposa. Nice to meet you! I don’t know if I can ask. But I am going to do it anyway. Besides fixing the cars, is there something else you do for the team?” Mariposa shyly asks. She doesn’t know whether this is an appropriate question, but she is curious. Jaehyun tells her, that her question is no problem. He focuses on the cars and making good deals, negotiating with other mafia organizations. However he explains that he can also do some hand to hand combat and is one of the better shooters. “Thanks for answering my question. Jaemin and I are going to look around some more. But I will see you later today,” Mariposa responds and Jaemin agrees with her. He grabs her hand and shows her the way to the next location. They spend a big portion of the afternoon walking around the house, introducing all members that are home to Mariposa.

[butterflies-and-yuta]

Announcement

Hello everyone, I am not dead, just been dealing with school that I will not have to deal with until next year so yeah, now that I am back, what would you guys like for me to write about, I am open to any requests as long as they don't make me feel uncomfortable, the stuff I will write ranges from

Yandere.

Mafia. (Do not romanticise the real life ones)

Alternative universe (AU).

Crossover.

Darkfic.

Fix-it fic.

Hurt/comfort.

Self-insert.

Multicross self-insert.

Songfic.

Uberfic.

Vent.

Headcanon.

Coffee Shop AU/Barista AU.

Cyberpunk.

Crime AU.

BDSM AU.

College AU/Highschool AU.

Noir Detective AU.

Mundane AU.

Pornstar AU.

Punk AU.

Rentboy AU or Hooker AU.

Spy, Secret Agent, Assassin, or Hitman AU.

Curtainfic.

Gen Bed Sharing.

Forced Bed Sharing.

Gen Bathing.

Marriage.

Forced Marriage.

Kidfic.

Marriage of Convenience/Pretend Couple.

Weddingfic.

Accidental Marriage.

Arranged Marriage.

Casefic

Crossover

Harlequin

Holidayfic

Hookerfic

Hurt/Comfort

Sickfic

Incest

Twincest

Interspecies

Forced Proximity

Cave Story

Desert Island

Canadian Shack

Snowed In

Elevatorfic

Amnesia

Character Death

Deathfic

Crossdressing

Didn't Know They Were Dating

Disability Fic

Dominance Hierarchy

Dub-con

Fever Dream

First Time

Hatesex/Enemyslash

Huddling for Warmth

In Vino Veritas (trope) (Confessions -- of love or lust -- Under The Influence)

Kink

Knotting

Let Me Be Weak, Let Me Sleep

Mates (trope)

Mind control or Brainwashing

Mission Sex

Pair the Spare

Pining

Pregnancy

Presumed Dead

Pretend Couple (including Pretending to be Married, Marriage of Convenience, etc.)

Fake Dating

Robots

Heat fic

Mating

Sex Pollen

Sex Magic

Secret Siblings, especially Evil Twins

Skin hunger

Soulbond

Virgin!fic

Secret Virgin

Yenta.

Childhood Sweethearts

Enemies to Lovers

Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Friends to Lovers

Hallmark AU

In which they are exes thrown back together by a chance visit to their hometown (usually for a holiday).

Mutual Pining

Oblivious Pining

Requited Unrequited.

Angst.

Smut.

Fluff.

Full stories.

One-shots

Reacts.

Imagines.

And as for the groups or soloists, I might just stick to NCT before going into other groups, so if you guys actually might like me exploring other groups or soloists, or even actors then just leave a request either down below in the notes section or even ask me or DM me a story you would like me to write. But until then yeah, the ones that are written down are the things I will consider writing about, but I will also do other stories as well that weren't requested and are actually from me or even ones I made with another author if I can do that, but until then, this is what I'll be working with, so yeah, like I said before, make a request either through the comment section on this post, or just ask me or DM me, and then I will randomly pick a request to write about.

And I will see you all on the other side once I'm done

[tanknamedjunseok]

{{ time lapse, an nct time travel au

in which time traveler johnny suh never makes it home to 2008, instead landing in post-apocalypse 2019. recruited by 127, an organization of super-humans dedicated to protecting the western hemisphere, johnny must find a way to uncover the truth behind rival organization wsv's master plan to take over the world.

{{ 22/30 chapters are out now: link

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

all nct 127 imagines can be found here personal favorites are marked with ☆

last updated October 28 , 2024

Johnny 

lovesick fool {college!au} posted November 21, 2020

Johnny is your work husband and feels fine with being just that until something someone makes him realize he wants more

☆ [5:58 pm] posted September 12, 2021

FaceTime with Johnny and a your mom joke, but really- you’re at his mom’s

[2:57 pm] posted February 26, 2022

Going out shopping with Johnny when someone calls his last name which also happens to be yours

[2:21 pm]  posted June 12, 2022

Johnny wants to get your attention after an argument by making you ask for help, but you find your own solution

[4:50 pm] posted November 13, 2022

CEO!Johnny has a few minutes to send something important but he doesn’t want to move so he uses you as a desk

☆ [12:07] posted May 6, 2023

Dad!Johnny and you take your daughter to the beach for the first time +BONUS fake instagram post

☆ [4:51 pm] posted October 22, 2023

CEO!Johnny’s employees have a bet going on for when the two of you will get together, but you already are??

[8:12 pm] posted December 22, 2023

You’re spending your first Christmas in Chicago with the Suh’s and Johnny’s mom is making sure to document it all 

[10:14 pm] posted May 4, 2024

you’re really hoping Best friend!Johnny comes over to tell you his date was horrible…

Taeyong

[1:16 pm] posted January 7, 2021

Taeyong does your nails

[7:05 pm] posted January 3, 2022

Taeyong still gets shy when you tell him you love him

[10:38 am] posted September 18, 2022

Parent!Taeyong just can’t say no even when you already have said no

[10:57 pm] posted August 5, 2023

idol!reader breaks up with Taeyong after the hate becomes too much when your relationship is revealed

Yuta

[7:34 pm] posted January 11, 2021

After a date with a little wine, Yuta doesn’t want to hold your hand

☆ [12:06 am] posted September 19, 2021

Yuta comes home drunk with something interesting to show

[3:19 pm] posted March 19, 2022

Yuta ruins his wedding band… again

☆[3:19 pm] posted March 19, 2022

Frat!Yuta can’t wait to get out of this stupid gala especially when you’re dressed this well

☆[1:12 am] posted January 8, 2023

Yuta’s coming home from tour! But do you know that?

[1:24 am] posted June 24, 2023

Frat!Yuta and you always find someway to sneak off and makeout when you drink, how has it become a problem for your friends?

[1:29 pm] posted February 3, 2024

Dad!Yuta and you have a leash kid

Doyoung

[8:32 pm] posted April 25, 2021

Doyoung brings home something surprising and quite frankly, unbelievable

☆[4:41 pm] posted November 14, 2021

You may be mad but you still love Doyoung

[2:19 pm] posted Auguest 14, 2021

Doyoung is an extremely nervous boyfriend- wait, boyfriend?

☆[4:41 pm] posted November 14, 2021

Sneaking around the office with SecretBF!Doyoung would be a lot easier if you didn’t wear lispstick and your secretaries weren’t so observant

[5:44 pm] posted June 3, 2023

Seeing your horrible ex boyfriend at the grocery store has you picking a random stranger, Doyoung, to be your fake boyfriend

[7:27 pm] posted December 21, 2023

CEO!Doyoung finally confesses his feelings for you at the company holiday party

[1:08 pm] posted April 6, 2024

surprisingly, the messiness of fatherhood isn’t something that bothers Doyoung

The Return of Superman- Doyoung posted August 9, 2024

Doyoung and his two kids go on The Return of Superman

[2:09 pm] posted October 4, 2024

dad!Doyoung is starting to notice your son is a miniature version of you

Jaehyun

⋆⭒˚｡⋆fratboy!Jaehyun masterlist⋆⭒˚｡⋆

Pick me posted October 12, 2020

After getting engaged, Johnny and Taeyong keep fighting over who gets to be the best man

[5:42 pm] posted July 25, 2021

Jaehyun is uncharacteristically clingy  

☆ [9:33 am] posted December 18, 2021

(suggestive) Jaehyun can’t control himself this early in the morning after a simple kiss

[6:31 pm]

BestFriend!Jaehyun finally gives you your first bouquet of flowers ever

☆ [6:19 pm] posted December 17, 2022

Dad!Jaehyun talks to pregnant!reader’s belly 

☆ [7:41 am] posted January 29, 2023

Saturdays are supposed to be sleeping in but Dad!Jaehyun has other plans

☆[8:34pm] posted July 2, 2023

Brother’s Best Friend!Jaehyun comes to pick you up after a bad date and can’t help flirting and flustering you

[9:13 pm] posted September 2, 2023

Jaehyun can get a little jealous when a bartender is talking to you for too long

[10:13 pm] posted October 28, 2023

supposed situationship!Jaehyun hates that you’re watching tiktok edits of Pookie

[8:57 pm] posted November 5, 2023

You told Jaehyun you were going out for Halloween, but you didn’t tell him how sexy your costume was

[9:12 am] posted January 6, 2024 

Jaehyun makes the mistake of hanging out with a girl he knew from school, the only mistake being he didn’t tell you who… and he never came home

[8:59 pm] posted January 20, 2024

Jaehyun is just a little shocked to see what his contact name is in your phone

[11:04 pm] posted February 17, 2024

idol!reader and idol!Jaehyun get their relationship exposed at a Bruno Mars concert

[8:46 pm] posted February 24, 2024

you’ve never really dated anyone before so it really only makes sense that since he gets you flowers, you get him some in return right?

your biggest fan posted February 25, 2024

{western popstar!reader x idol!reader} in which the world discovers your relationship with Jaehyun and surprisingly… they love it

[3:21 pm] posted March 3, 2024

in relationships you have to make sacrifices, and for Jaehyun that means eating food he doesn’t really like since you love it

☆[12:11 pm] posted April 21, 2024

dad!Jaehyun isn’t going to say he’s jealous of his daughter and Uncle Johnny- but you can say it

[9:22 pm] posted May 25, 2024

AcademicRival!Jaehyun is the last person you’d expect to help you out after you get in a fight {enemies2lovers, college!au}

[10:14 am] posted May 26, 2024

if you weren’t 2 weeks overdue, Jaehyun being doting would be really sweet- but you are 2 weeks overdue and it’s not sweet

[12:07 pm] posted June 8, 2024

dad!Jaehyun doesn't have your talent of getting his baby girl to eat, or your common sense of keeping the food out of her grasp

[4:59 pm] posted June 22, 2024

Jaehyun watched the Bridgerton carriage scene with you and gets hooked on the show

☆[3:22 pm] posted July 6, 2024

Jaehyun is completely enamored by your pregnancy glow

[4:51 pm] posted July 13, 2024

you and dad!Jaehyun take your kids to the water park and the lazy river works some magic

showering Jaehyun's dimples with love posted August 15, 2024

[12:41 pm] posted August 16, 2024

pregnancy is hard enough as is, but now you're on bed rest? Thank God for Jaehyun (cw: pregnancy complications)

[3:11 pm] posted August 17, 2024

you and Jaehyun were supposed to be baby shopping but Smiskis and Sonny Angels caught your eye instead

just makes sense posted August 22, 2024

your and Jaehyun’s fans just really can’t believe that they two of you are just best friends

self-on kode with Jaehyun posted September 27, 2024

You and Jaehyun usually have a pretty private relationship, thanks to Self-On Kode your fans can learn more (f!reader, idol!reader)

[1:17 pm] posted September 29, 2024

dad!Jaehyun helps you when you're overwhelmed with a colicky baby

Jaehyun doing acts of service! posted October 3, 2024

dad!Jaehyun and shopping with the kids! posted October 11, 2024

[3:17 pm] posted October 12, 2024

dad!Jaehyun gets ambushed by you and his daughters for a makeover

Jungwoo

☆ [8:04 pm] posted August 21, 2021

Jungwoo compares bellies with pregnant!reader

[3:54 am] posted January 29, 2022

You’re trying to fall asleep and feel weird… yeah because Jungwoo is staring at you

[3:48 pm] posted October 16, 2022

If there was any person to get mad over having food made for them it would be Jungwoo

☆ [6:33 am] posted September 9, 2023

Dad!Jungwoo loves his daughter don’t get him wrong, but he questions it the slightest bit when he gets woken up for food

[5:57 pm] posted April 20, 2024

Jungwoo is taking his childhood celebrity crush on a date only to find out you’re really sweet and down to earth

[1:18 pm] posted July 21, 2024

dad!Jungwoo gets sick but luckily he has you and your daughter to nurse him back to health

[8:25 pm] posted August 10, 2024

dad!Jungwoo is getting over being sick and wants your attention, too bad your daughter has gotten used to having it all to herself

Mark

☆ [10:58 am] posted April 11, 2021

Waking up the morning after and Mark is just a suggestive dork

[1:16 pm] posted June 11, 2021

Skater!Mark wants to teach you to skate but first he has to loosen your shoelaces

[9:29 pm] October 9, 2021

BasketballPlayer!Mark doesn’t know when to stop practicing

[11:54 am] posted June 25, 2022

Everything that could go wrong on your first date with Mark goes wrong

[2:25 am] posted December 10, 2022

Mark thinks you’re losing on purpose, but you’re just really not that good at Smash

☆ [2:13 pm] posted March 19, 2023

PART 1- Breakup!au, Mark is stressed with the pressure of college, lucky for him (and unluckily for you) he has some new frat brothers to tell him what to do

[5:48 pm] posted April 9, 2023

PART 2- Mark comes to apologize and tells you he wants you back but he’s made some changes which gives you hope

[12:23 pm] posted April 30, 2023

Mark hates when you kiss him with lipgloss, funny that he wants more after you stop

☆ [4:26 pm] posted July 28, 2023

Most couples use pet names for each other, some people would expect you and Mark to do the same, especially since you’re getting married

[6:14 pm] posted December 24, 2023

BestFriend!Mark comes to the holiday party only to get stuck with you outside and under mistletoe 

[2:17 pm] posted March 16, 2024

a quick trip to Ikea becomes an opportunity to play house

[2:57 pm] posted May 11, 2024

BestFriend!Mark accidentally comes across a picture of you in some sexy lingerie

[5:21 pm] posted June 2, 2024

your son starts calling you what Mark calls you and it would be cute if Mark had real term of endearment for you

The Return of Superman- Mark posted August 25, 2024

Mark and his son go on The Return of Superman

[9:22 pm] posted October 17, 2024

you should be happy that situationship!Mark is showing you affection in public, right?

Haechan

my mom loves you posted December 23, 2020

Haechan’s family loves you almost (maybe more) than he does and he loves it (maybe first I love yous too? can be read as that I guess)

a family with the hyungs posted February 4, 2021

dating Hyuck apparently also kinda means dating Mark

[5:58 am] posted August 28, 2021

a soft, cozy morning with Haechan

[11:48 am] posted April 2, 2022

The group finds out College!Haechan tags you in some weird stuff on instagram

☆ [10:39 pm] posted October 29, 2022

Bestfriend!Frat!Haechan thinks you look so hot, when did that happen?

[6:07 pm] posted November 22, 2022

Haechan always says that his grandma is the best cook, so she must have been the one to cook this meal right? No, you did.

[6:17 pm] posted April 22, 2023

Meeting Haechan’s family for the first time should be stressful, so why aren’t you stressful? (kind of prequel to my mom loves you)

☆ [7:33 pm] posted July 15, 2023

being pregnant can be bad, it can get worse when Haechan makes it the slightest bit more uncomfortable for you

☆ [7:21 am] posted December 3, 2023

Haechan and your son are very alike, too alike especially when it comes to their love for you +BONUS fake instagram post

[4:28 pm] posted December 23, 2023

Haechan has to keep up the usual Christmas traditions despite being away from his family, too bad he can’t bake

[9:02 pm] posted March 10, 2024

Romeo!Haechan falls in love with Juliet!Reader at first sight {Romeo and Juliet au}

[2:14 pm] posted June 15, 2024

Haechan is so distracted by his videogames that he'll just agree to anything, and he does

[3:32 pm] posted October 19, 2024

Haechan has not shut up once all day!

[renjunphile]

if my wishes came true, it would have been you | mark lee

PAIRING ✧ nct's mark lee x female reader WORD COUNT ✧ 12.0k TAGS ✧ idol!mark x idol!reader, exes!au, exes to lovers!au, really quite angsty, happy ending, fluff, non-linear narrative

PLAYLIST aka SONGS BY YN ✧ the 1 by taylor swift ; 21 by gracie abrams ; i miss you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams ; champagne problems by taylor swift ; in between by gracie ambrams ; somebody by hwasa and loco ; i know it won't work by gracie abrams, dancing with our hands tied (acoustic) by taylor swift

SUMMARY ✧ persist and resist the temptation to ask if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? (alternatively, every single time you and mark get a chance to talk about your breakup, it never goes as planned)

-

MAY 2021

"NCT are here."

You hum along to the track blasting in your left ear through the singular airpod. It's the first day of your comeback promotions, and while you should feel confident from the many months you'd practiced the song every single day for multiple hours, no amount of time could ever erase the nerves you feel each comeback day.

You're already finished with your hair and makeup, being the first to sit in the chair to give your members some time to wake up from their naps in the van. Though you should all be bright, awake, and preppy for your comeback stage, the reality was that all of you were obliteratingly tired from the near all-nighter in the practice room. Your makeup artists are true magicians for the way they cover up all signs of tiredness even under all those harsh, bright stage lights.

"Unnie, did you hear me?" your youngest member Kali poked your arm incessantly.

"Kali, stop," you whine, pushing her finger away, "I heard you."

"So why didn't you react?"

"Why should I?" you sigh, pausing the track on your phone.

She pauses for a while, choosing to craft her words before replying too hastily, "We should still go and say hi. Haechan is asking if we wanna film a TikTok with them."

"You know they only post with SM idols," you remind her.

"You were in SM too. It's just for fun," she mumbles, "You know how many idols feature on Haechan's private account. Please come."

"You're up to no good, Kali," you squint at her suspiciously, watching the room carefully to see if anyone had overheard. It wasn't really a big deal; all your managers were well-informed, just like your members, and your stylists were basically your friends.

"I already talked to our manager and Haechan talked to their manager," Kali wrapped her fingers around your wrist delicately, but pulling to encourage you to stand up, "Let's go."

The walk to the hallway where the NCT members agreed to meet the two of you wasn't exactly a long one, but the rumblings of nerves bubbling in your stomach made it feel like a million years. You weren't stupid; you knew exactly what to expect and you wouldn't put it past your maknae to meddle in a time like this.

"Oh look, they're here already," Kali was biting a grin behind her words as 3 figures came into view. Haechan gives you a warm smile and a famous bear hug before he was shoved away. 

"Noona," you resist a pout as one of the boys you had been taking care of since you were younger wrapped you up in a big hug, "Haven't seen you in so long. Missed you."

"Missed you too Ji. You grow an inch every time I see you," you also resist the urge to ruffle up his perfectly styled purple hair out of fear of getting hunted by his hair stylist, "I like this purple on you."

He gives you an appreciative grin and somehow you still see him as the tiny, shy boy running energetically around the halls of the company building after being chased by his fellow trainees. Jisung moves on to greet your member, who was still in conversation with Haechan.

It's definitely not that you dread having to face Mark Lee. It's totally not the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend. Or the fact that you're still in love with him. Or the fact that he's still in love with you. No, none of that.

Totally.

"You look really pretty, Y/N," he begins slowly, taking in your appearance in front of him, having not seen each other for a few months.

Mark Lee stands in front of you stoic, hands by his side and feet together. It's almost like he's fighting his instinct to wrap you up in his arms like he's done most of his life because you sure know you're having to fight that instinct too.

"Thanks, Mark. I like your blue hair," you smile softly, "How are you?"

"I'm good. Amazing, even. I guess," he's mumbling, running his hands through said hair you just complimented and you can tell he's nervous, "I love the song. And the whole album. I can tell which songs you wrote. You always make me so proud."

Ouch. It stings your heart whenever he says things like that. How could you have let go of someone so sweet?

"Thanks. Congratulations on your first album and coming back with Dream."

"Ah, thanks. I fought so hard to come back to the group and I'm really happy they finally listened to me," he began, "You know how much I love them."

"Yeah, I know."

You're barely meeting his eyes, but when you do, it feels like he's hesitating in his words.

"Mark-"

"Happy birthday by the way," he rushes out, "For yesterday. I'm sorry that I didn't text. Or call."

"It's okay," you reassure him, knowing that that was probably easier for you both that he didn't.

"How did you spend your birthday?"

"The members got me cake. Coffee, my favourite," you recount, "I did a live for a bit, but other than that we were practicing all day for today."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That really sucks," he frowns.

"You know how it goes. I'll have more birthdays to celebrate anyway-"

"But you didn't celebrate last year either!" he protests.

"Maybe next year, then," you pull your lips into a tight smile, "It's okay Mark. Don't worry about it. I'm not really fond of my birthdays anymore and 22's not a big deal."

He sighs while looking at you, "You deserve to celebrate your birthday no matter what. I hope you can find some time to do something  for yourself."

You chuckle lightly, "That'll be hard to come by. I don't know how you've done it with multiple groups all these years, Mark. I've only been debuted for three years and it's never got any easier. You were really stretching yourself thin, huh?"

"I guess," he's playing with his fingers, so you know he has something to say.

"Just say it, Mark. Whatever you want to say."

You can read him like a book and you've always been able to. It's not your fault that the book is wide open, as compared to the way you've always been- shut, bound, and locked.

"I just wanted to say I miss you. That's all. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Thanks to the secluded hallway that Haechan had found and led you to, the coast was clear enough for you to close the distance between you and Mark even just by a bit more. His breath hitches as you place a hand on his arm.

"Thanks for caring, Mark. I miss you too."

He smiles at you softly and the two of you are so engrossed in each other to notice that Kali, Haechan and Jisung had disappeared a while ago. You know it's time for you to go back though.

The worst part of the whole situation wasn't the breakup itself. Of course, the breakup hurt both of you for a long time and you don't even think you're recovered. It did happen over a year ago, but that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part is knowing that every time you meet again, walking away hurts more each time. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do but listen to your heart break with each step you take away from each other. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do about the fact that you still love each other more than anything else in this world.

-

2014

Mark Lee was known to be SM's golden child. In the future, he'd be known as the most over-worked in the company, due to his talents and resilience, but now, he's just Mark Lee, second to you.

You'd done everything before Mark. You were born first. You moved to Korea first. You beat him joining the company by 6 months and you beat him getting announced as part of SM Rookies just by 7 days.

None of that mattered because it was always just you and him together, wherever. Sure, you trained and practiced separately, but lunchtimes, downtimes, company gatherings- it was always the two of you attached to the hip. There was really nothing the company could say- the two of you were barely 15 so what was the worst you could do?

"How long do you think it'll be before your debut?" the two of you are lying down on the grass in a park a few minutes away from the building. His hands are rifling through the blades, yanking them up every so often, while you made daisy chains quietly.

He hums in response, "I don't know. Soon I hope, but I've only been here for like just over a year. Realistically, I'd say like 2 years. Don't tell anyone I told you, but I heard Johnny hyung talking to the manager about some kind of project that the company has been thinking of for a while. Something about having a group with infinite members!"

Your eyes widened at the thought, "Wow, really? EXO debuted with 12 and I thought that was a lot!"

"Yeah, right? But there are only like 9 of us in SM Rookies right now. How many do you think they'll start with and how am I going to get lines in a song if there's so many of us?"

You nudge him, "Well, with your awesome talent and writing skills of course. I can't wait to see what ends up happening to you guys- oh yeah, by the way, how's that new trainee you guys are training with? Donghyuck, right?"

"New?" he sat up with wide eyes, twisting his body to look at you, "He's been here for like 5 months and it's been the worst 5 months of my life! He's just so infuriating. His voice is amazing, sure, but he never listens and is always talking and hanging off me! I told him that he makes me want to leave the company."

You laugh at his frustrated expression, "Ha, you'd never leave the company. You'd never leave me behind. Plus, I bet you'll be best friends in a few years. Opposites attract and all that."

"Hm, but you and I are quite similar. Don't you think?"

There were definitely some traits that you shared to both be enduring the same path. Resilient, hard-working, brave, and enduring were all ones. After all, it's a big leap of faith to train to have the chance to be an idol just at 12 or 13 with no guaranteed future.

When it came down to it though, you'd like to think that there were also traits you each had that weren't always necessarily opposites all the time, but traits that complemented each other.

Mark liked to talk; you liked to listen. Mark was optimistic and would always be the one to cheer you up on your particularly moody days. You were Mark's calm through it all. Mark loved to rap; you found your passion in singing. Mark liked carrots and would take them off your plate in the cafeteria and swap them with his peas. Mark's hands were calloused from his guitar-playing, while yours were smooth and soft when he held them.

"No, I think we're the perfect example of opposites attract."

"Well then that's why you're my best friend," he grinned over at you while you slid a daisy chain bracelet onto his wrists, "Forever and whenever."

"Always," you grinned.

-

AUGUST 2021

"What are you doing here?"

"No happy birthday Mark?" he teases, holding a bouquet of flowers and a grocery store plastic bag in his hands on your doorstep.

"Come in before anyone sees you," you pull him inside your dorm, sticking your head out the hallway to see if it was empty, "How did you get here?"

"Relax, Y/N. My manager drove me and I was in all this," he pulls out a mask and a beanie from his pocket to show you.

"Oh, good. Happy birthday, I guess, but what are you doing here?" you question him again, looking at the contents in his grasp.

"Well, it all started when Hyuck said that we were throwing a birthday party for me. Then Jisung invited Kali and obviously, you too. And your members, of course. Then you said you couldn't come because you're busy," his eyes dart to the episode of Modern Family on your TV and the blanket lazily thrown on the couch, combined with your pajamas, "So I didn't want to come to the party anymore."

"But all my members are at your dorm," you frown, "There's still a party?"

"Yeah, I guess. Gives Jisung an opportunity to spend more time with his crush, which I'm sure Kali appreciates."

"So they're hosting your birthday party," you hum, "Without you? And you came here to what? Check that I'm busy?"

"I know you're not busy. Erin told me so, which I suspected anyway. I know it's kind of rude for me to come to force you to spend time with me when you didn't even want to come to my birthday party in the first place, but I thought I would try." he shrugs, "Is that okay?"

Mark is adorned in a white T-shirt and grey joggers. He's clearly not dressed for a party and your member clearly told him that you're staying inside and moping to your comfort show while you try to avoid your ex-boyfriend on his birthday. Plan failed, you guess.

Here's the thing: you've always been the worst at saying no to Mark. The one time you did, the world crashed around you. You would've thought it would have got easier to say no to him after already experiencing the worst-case scenario, but looking into his slightly pleading chocolate eyes shows you otherwise.

"Of course, Mark. You're the birthday boy," you finally say after a period of silence where Mark felt like his heart was thumping out of his chest.

"There's no one else I'd rather spend my birthday with," he hums lightly, even though his words are loaded, "Here, a big bouquet for missing last year too."

The tradition started on his 15th birthday in 2014. Even though it was his birthday, he had got you a bouquet of flowers to thank you for being his best friend of one year and making him feel all the more comfortable in his first year in Korea. You were his dance partner, his classmate, his fellow English speaker, and his best friend. He got you flowers again the next year, then the year after, and again and again for being his partner through everything.

The last birthday you shared with Mark before the two of you broke up was his 20th birthday in 2019 and he had prepared his own bouquet that year, choosing all your favourite flowers and colours and wrapping it all up himself. Mark was selfless like that- thinking of other people even on his birthday.

"It's beautiful," you examine the flowers- pink and red camellias and carnations, white primroses, pink peonies, red roses and baby's breaths. Taking that flower language course with Mark back when you were both 17 comes as a regret now, with the messages he's sending you through the bouquet. You hope it's just a coincidence.

"Anyway, I brought us- or I made my manager buy us- some Oreo ice cream, peanut butter chocolate, some ramen, and chicken and mushroom pastries," he grins as he pulls each one out of the bag, "And I brought cake, obviously."

You hold yourself back from saying what you would say every time he presented your favourite pastry from your childhood home to you- 'you know the way to my heart'.

"I haven't had one in so long," you gasp, taking it from him and preparing your plate already, "Thanks Mark. Why are you so considerate on your own birthday?"

"I like to celebrate the people I love on my birthday too. I wouldn't be me without them," he plops himself on the bar stool at your breakfast bar while you sigh hopelessly. He'll never leave your heart alone, "I wanted to soften the blow too."

You turn to him slowly, "Soften the blow?"

He sees the panic in your eyes and lets out that melodious laugh you've always loved, "Oh, nothing like that. Nothing to tell you. I just wanted to bribe you to talk to me on my birthday. I thought after over a year you might be ready to talk?"

"About what?"

"Us."

You thank the manufacturers of the heavenly pastry slice that only takes 90 seconds in the microwave. You set the plate down in front of Mark and take the seat next to him.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Are you still my best friend?"

"Mark, come on," you began warily, knowing the difficult conversation you were about to have.

He meets your eyes and you feel the pain reflected in them, "When we decided to give our relationship a try when we were 16, we pinky swore that no matter what happens, we'll always be best friends. Always. Right?"

You find the power to break his gaze and stare down to your hands on your lap, "We did."

"So, why can't we go back to being friends? I know, I know when you broke up with me, you said that you don't think we could stay friends. I understood, of course, and I wanted to give you some space. Well, at least initially, but it's been over a year now and I really miss us. Your friendship meant everything to me even if I can't have you as my girlfriend." his tone is heartbreaking in the way that it's vulnerable and pleading.

"I told you when we broke up that breaking up was the hardest choice I'd ever have to make. It blew the choice to leave SM out of the water. I didn't want to break up, but it felt like I had no choice," you explained slowly, "When we first started dating, I knew I already loved you, but growing up together and debuting and going through everything I went through really taught me what real love in real life looked like and I could never have predicted at 16 how I felt for you at 20. Mark, you're everything to me, I hope you know. I said I didn't want to be friends when we broke up because how could I have lived with myself seeing you and talking to you still knowing I had you in the way that I did and knowing I loved you that intensely but not being able to show it anymore? How could I live with myself still having you around knowing I let go of the greatest thing that's ever happened to me?"

Mark Lee was brave at 16 when he kissed you for the first time and asked you to be his girlfriend against all the bans and rules. Mark Lee was brave at 18 watching you walk away from everything you both knew at SM Entertainment and for not running after you to stop you because you both knew it was for the best. Mark Lee was brave at 20 hearing you sob through the phone while you were halfway around the world because you just couldn't do this anymore. Mark Lee is brave at 22, taking your warm hands in his, and Mark Lee is brave when he lifts your chin up to meet his gaze and asks you this:

"Why can't we just get back together? This year apart is hurting us more than it's benefitting us."

People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul- that the eyes say everything someone can't say. Your eyes are filled with tears, yes, but also love and fear and all the emotions in between.

The problem was that your brain always rules your life, keeping your heart's true desires always suppressed deep within.

"Mark," you trail, before he cuts you off.

"I don't see the problem, Y/N. Both our companies knew we were dating and you're not a rookie in the industry anymore. I mean, we dated through your whole rookie era! I acknowledge everything you said and felt when we broke up and I wanted to give you time to work through those emotions, but I'm asking if anything has changed. Has it?"

"I've never stopped loving you, but I'm still scared Mark. I'm even more scared now as your career grows," you say quietly, "I don't want to hurt you. If anything gets out, it won't just hurt you or me, because I could take it if it only hurt me, but it's our members, Mark. You know how fans feel about idols who date and it's never ever as simple as 'if they're a true fan they'll be happy for me'. That's not how the industry works."

He squeezes your hands, "Then we'll get better at sneaking around! You know the boys love you so much and they know how much our relationship meant to me and they'd never ever get in the way of that. Or we can just text and call and I don't even have to see you in person when it's risky. I just want the chance to tell you that I still love you every single day as I promised."

There it is again, the sound of your heart breaking at the most loving boy on the planet.

"Will you let me think about it? At least about being your best friend still? I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer right now on your birthday," you murmur. The confessions from Mark came as no surprise, but he never fails to leave you speechless with no clear thoughts in your brain and your heart always full.

"I'm just asking for a chance. Just for anything you can give me," he smiles finally, "How about we eat all this and continue your Modern Family? It's still my favourite show, so I couldn't dream of a better way to spend my birthday."

"I'd like that."

-

2015

"I'm debuting," Mark barges into the near-empty practice room, huffing and panting like he just ran a marathon, "Y/N, oh my God!"

You're sat cross-legged on the floor with your phone propped up in front of you. Your eyebrows are stitched together tightly, indicating that you were probably either criticising yourself on a recording or trying to learn a choreography. The moment you realise that it's Mark, your whole body unclenches and you relax as you pause the video. You don't comprehend the weight of his words until he says them again.

"Y/N, Y/N, I'm going to debut!" he's practically screaming in joy as he belly slides towards you and crashes into you, wrapping his arms around you.

"Oh my God, Mark! Really? Tell me everything right now!" you squeeze him back, pride bursting in your chest.

When you both joined SM, you came with the obvious dream of being an idol entertainer. Sure, the company can make all these empty promises to you at the start, but with the way the industry works, nothing is really ever truly for certain. For you, the company had not given you any time scale or idea of what direction they wanted you to go in. You weren't even really that hopeful, considering the company just debuted Red Velvet one year ago, but you were still enduring.

However, it was almost time to debut a new boy group since it had been 3 years and counting since EXO broke into the scene. You were always certain that Mark was always a part of that plan.

"So, do you remember last year when I told you about the infinite boy group idea? It was true! The company gathered all the male trainees and showed them their idea- it's called NCT and it's so cool, trust me! So it's like they're going to debut groups within NCT like different members in each group!"

"Mark, that sounds amazing. Which group are you going to be in?"

"Uh, they said all of them?" Mark frowns in confusion, "Like the first is going to be this unit where members can switch out anytime and it only has a comeback whenever it wants to, and then the second one is like a normal permanent group which I think I'll be with Hyuck and the hyungs, and the third one is a group where we graduate once we hit 20! But I don't think that one's fully confirmed with members yet."

He's running out of breath explaining it to you and his eyes are going crazy so you just laugh and hug tighter, "That's a lot of information, but it still sounds amazing. See Mark, I told you that you're going to be the most important person in this building! You're literally the best."

Mark nudges you so that you break away, "Psh, shut up Y/N. It's still a few months out anyway. We're going to be writing and practicing the debut song for the first unit really soon though."

"And I'm so proud of you," you tell him sincerely, knowing that there are not many people who you can say have worked harder than Mark to achieve their dreams, "Do you feel scared at all?"

He swivels his body so that he's sitting in front of you and he starts playing with your fingers like he always does, "Naturally, I guess. Debuting is a whole new world and being an idol too, but this is what I've been working towards so why shouldn't I be more excited? I've been waiting for this day, but I guess it's human nature to have fear of the unknown."

"It's definitely not wrong to not be scared. I'd be over the moon if they finally tell me I'm going to debut," you sigh dreamily.

"And you will! They can't keep you hidden here any longer and you know that the company loves you so much! You've given everything for them so you deserve it all back," Mark is now rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, "I can't wait until we achieve our dream together. No matter how long it takes, we'll both be standing on that stage together as idols. It's so close now, Y/N."

You smile softly at the boy, ever the optimist, "I can't wait for it too, Mark. Don't let the fame get to your head so quickly and don't forget me when you're famous okay?"

"You're so silly," Mark laughs, "You'll always be my best friend- wait scratch that-"

"I won't always be your best friend?"

"No! You will! But this is literally the best day ever and I have all this adrenaline and energy right now and if I don't say it now, I don't think I ever will, but all I'm saying is that I've been by your side for nearly 3 years now and you're literally my other half and it's so goddamn obvious that I like you so much and I really want to be your boyfriend. Okay, exhale Mark."

Your eyes widen at his confession and you slide away from him in shock, "Wait, really? You like me? You want to be my boyfriend?"

He looks at you like you just grew two heads, "Y/N, that's literally exactly what I said. Do you like me back?"

Shyness begins to creep out of you while your whole face flushes red. You've never been the type to be shy around Mark, even in the times his words and actions make you feel giddy.

"Mhm, you're my first real crush that developed when we met. I thought I'd grow out of it, but it kept getting stronger the closer we got," you admit.

The first day that Mark Lee walked into the practice rooms and got introduced to the trainees, you thought he was the cutest boy in the world. He was dorky and shy at first, but when he performed in front of you, he turned into a completely different person that made you fall for him even more.

The two of you were the same age and he was your deskmate in Korean lessons. Though Mark had grown up speaking Korean, he had never lived in Korea speaking it almost 100% of the time, so the company thought it would be good for him to join your lessons, especially to get training for the language he would be using as an idol.

The two of you became very fast friends and by the end of the month, you were chasing each other in the cafeteria and sharing food in corners with your own inside jokes.

His face breaks out into a grin, tackling you into a hug, "Aw, my little Y/N likes me back!"

You roll your eyes playfully and shove him off your body, "First of all, I'm 3 months older than you, and second of all, you have been spending way too much time with Donghyuck."

"Yeah that little devil rubs off on people," he sighs, "Whatever. Does that mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

"Wait, wait, wait. We have to consider the implications! Especially if you're debuting soon! Are we going to tell the company? How is this going to work?" you bombard him with questions, playing your part as the realist in this friendship, "Is this a good idea."

"I mean, half the hyungs have secret girlfriends so we can ask them for help and at least it helps that you're in the company with me so if they do find out it's easier to protect the both of us," Mark replies, "I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about this, believe it or not. You keep me up awake at night sometimes."

"You're so cheesy," you mumble, turning away to hide your blushing face, "But I guess I do want to be your girlfriend- but what if we break up? I don't want to lose you as my best friend!"

"How about this then," he extends his pinky out to you, "Let's pinky swear that even if we break up and this relationship goes horribly wrong, we'll be best friends still. Forever and whenever."

His words are dripping with sincerity and it surrounds you like a blanket. There's no one in this world that you trust more than Mark Lee when you entwine your own pink around his and smile at him, "Always."

Your pinkies are still attached a minute later when he's looking at you with a goofy smile.

You glare at him, "What's going on in that big head of yours?"

"If we're dating, then does that mean I can kiss you?"

The thought of kissing Mark had admittedly crossed your mind more than you could bare to say out loud. You wanted to play it off cool- shove him and roll your eyes or something, but truthfully, you really did want to kiss your dorky best friend Mark Lee.

"I mean, I guess," you shrug, "If you want to."

"Ha ha, I do," he starts leaning in closer and your heart is beating faster.

This was it. You were going to kiss your best friend-turned-boyfriend in the middle of a practice room. He was going to be your first kiss too!

Mark's face is so close that you can feel his breath on your lips. You can tell he's never done this before with how slowly and nervously he's advancing, but you can see the hope in his eyes.

Your eyes flutter shut. Your lips are almost touching, just ghosting over each others.

"Wait!" you groan as he opens his mouth, "If I'm your first real crush, then who's your first crush overall?"

You smirk, "Jongin-oppa. Duh."

-

2022

This was the biggest concert of your career. Playing the Olympic Stadium had always just been a distant daydream - something to dream about just to amuse you or occupy time. You'd never thought that you would actually live to see the day when that dream came to fruition.

It wasn't even a realistic dream. No girl groups had ever played their own concert at Jamsil Olympic Stadium, but your group was going to be the first.

Cameras were pointed all around you backstage as you prepared to go on for your opening.

"Leader, give us a pep talk," your bandmate Yana whines while nudging you. You gather in a circle, pretending you're not deafened by the noise of your fans screaming just past the partition, where they're waiting in anticipation.

The 5 of you lean closer, putting your heads together and your hands in the middle. Before that, you make sure to look at their faces carefully and examine each member's expressions.

Jian is a year older than you, but she's nervous as hell and can barely get any words out. You're not worried because she's proven time after time that she's born to be on stage and that she completely transforms in front of an audience showering her in love. Yana seems nervous too, but she's better at hiding it and it comes out through rambles of sometimes unintelligible speech. Erin is gripping her microphone tightly with a poker face, probably recalling all of her raps in her head quickly, even though you know it comes second nature to her. Your youngest, Kali, seems the most excited. That kid is the most fearless idol you've ever met and you're grateful for someone like her on the team.

As for you? Well, you're a mix of all of your members. It's coming up to a decade now since you started training and you still have to take everything that this career throws at you one by one. The feeling backstage is not exactly overwhelming- it's more pride and joy and excitement to be out there and perform the best concert you have to give.

"No one can ever take this away from us. We're the first freaking girl group to host a show here! We've worked so hard for this and we absolutely deserve it. Everyone out there is here for us, so we should give it our all and play the best show ever. Don't let your nerves get to you. Just relax and be the amazing and talented performers I know we all are," you breathe out, "I'm really thankful for you guys and I'm so happy to have you by my side with me for this. We're exactly where we should be. I really love you guys so much. Let's kill it, yeah? 3, 2, 1, Fighting!"

Your members release a chuckle and you all wrap your arms around each other in a group hug. Soon, your cues begin in your in-ear monitors and you break up to take your positions on the platform that will lift you up to the stage.

The concert starts off without a hitch. Everything is perfect and the energy you get as each song progresses is nothing like you've ever felt. The sea of fans is expansive and blinding and you still have to check you're not dreaming every few moments. You eventually settle into the stage and the concert slows down a bit with your solo performances.

Your company had encouraged you all to perform something of your own choosing and while you had a vast repertoire of songs tucked away on your GarageBand, they were mostly unfinished, too personal or waiting to be adapted to your group to go onto your future albums. The song had to be something that would only ever be just for you, but something you could bare to release into the world for everyone else to hear.

Okay, so maybe you let your emotions rule you and get the best of you. Maybe the song you chose was the wrong one to invite your fans to insert themselves into. Maybe it was too personal to sing a song about Mark Lee in front of the biggest crowd you'd ever played in your life, but when else could you?

The baby grand piano is gleaming in the centre of the stage and your blue dress is sparkling from the way the lights hit the crystals adorning the whole slip. You're admittedly more nervous about this, but you think it's more to do with the fact that you know Mark Lee is in the stadium, somewhere.

Your company had warned you that if you wanted to sing this song, you had to do a little speech before that would throw them off your scent, "Hi guys," you pause for their screams, "I know you guys enjoyed Kali's energetic dance and Jian's amazing original song! For my segment, I thought we could have a little chill time and not to dampen your spirits, but I wanted to show you guys this heartbreak track that I wrote after watching too many sad rom-coms. I really hope that none of you guys can relate and if anyone ever breaks your heart, just send them my way, okay? I hope you guys enjoy it. This is '21'."

You let out a deep breath and remind yourself that this was the right choice. Your fingers glide over the keys perfectly like it's muscle memory from the year you've been working on the song. You send a prayer to higher beings that Mark won't kill you as you begin the first lines.

"I missed your 21st birthday. I've been up at home; almost tried to call you, don't know if I should. Hate to picture you half-drunk, happy. Hate to think you went out without me. I'm sorry if you blame me, if I were you I would. Thought you'd see it coming, but you never could. I still haven't heard from your family, but you said your mom always loved me."

Mark celebrated your 21st birthday with you. Public dates were not a thing in your relationship, but this man made every effort to make the best out of your situation. He kicked out your members from your dorm after enlisting their help to decorate the place top to bottom in rose gold banners and balloons. After taking cooking lessons for weeks previously, he had then covered your dining table with expensive cloth and filled up two glasses with wine to go with the steak that he had perfectly cooked all for you. He then took you to the couch and serenaded you with a love song about how much you mean to him and how thankful he was for you. On top of all that, you had boxes and boxes of presents to unwrap that were all thoughtful, beautiful, or meaningful. Mark Lee was the perfect boyfriend.

For Mark's 21st birthday, you were sat cross-legged on your sofa with your phone placed on the table in front of you, face up. It was as if you were waiting for him to be the one to call when you were the one who broke his heart just a few weeks earlier and asked to not be friends.

You were drinking the wine that he poured for you on your birthday and you were half-drunk, punching in his number on your keypad, because even though you deleted his number, you already knew it off by heart. There was just something in you that refused to carry it through. You were a coward and Mark Lee celebrated his birthday without you for the first time in 7 years.

"I see the look in your eye and I'm biting my tongue. You were the love of my life since I was young. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under. I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again. I'll be the love of your life inside your head. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under."

Later on that night, you're lying wide awake and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you and Mark had decided to plaster all around your ceiling when you were bored one day. The crowd seemed to love the song thankfully and it was easy to get their energy back up. People placed meaning into everything idols did, so you weren't surprised at the people who were making guesses about your love life and the subject of the song. Whatever, they'd never get it right, anyway.

Your phone ringing cuts through the silence and you curse, hoping it won't wake up the other girls in the dorm. They're probably dead asleep from the high-energy concert anyway.

"You're still up?" his voice is grainy through the speaker.

"You're the one that called. Did you not want me to answer?" you quip back, "It's the adrenaline, I think."

"Touché. I was going to leave a voicemail, but this is better, I guess," Mark uttered, "The concert was amazing, by the way. I'm sorry we didn't come and say hello backstage, but we really enjoyed it."

"Thanks, Mark and thank the boys for me too, okay?" you instruct.

"Mhmm, of course," he replies, "That song you wrote was good, you know. But you might've as well called it 'Mark'."

You're laughing softly at his comment, "I should've changed the number, I know. But shut up- if you know it's for you, then why don't you follow my words? I said don't call me tonight."

"I've never been good at following rules when it comes to you," Mark sighs, "Plus, there's not a lot of times I can just call you up like this. At least I had something to say to you."

"You can always call if you want."

"Would you always answer?"

You pause to think, but Mark takes that as confirmation.

"Have you thought about what I said? 6 months ago when I asked if you wanted to be friends again? Or even get back together?"

"That question keeps me awake every night," you joke, "But today, when I was just looking out at the fans and greeting the idols that came backstage after the concert, it really made me think about how much I wanted to be doing all of this with you. I've always regretted what happened between us because it wasn't a choice I wanted to make. There are no words to describe the way that love manifests in front of you from the fans. I always find myself wishing you were still here by my side."

"Hm, cryptic. Is that an answer to my question or do I have to wait another 6 months to call you up and ask again?"

"How long are you going to keep asking?" you uttered, the feeling of disappointment taking over your body as you still couldn't find the courage to finally give in and allow yourself to be happy.

"Until you say yes again."

-

JULY 2020

The world was still shut as you knew it, yet you were halfway around the world from the place you grew to call home. Your company was generous to give you two months off to spend with your loved ones, and you chose to spend some time cooped up in your parents' house and your childhood home because even though there were so many quarantining requirements to get between the two countries, you hadn't seen your parents in almost 3 years.

Of course, you missed your members, but you lived with them and would continue to see them nearly every day for as long as you could keep your career going. Of course, you missed Mark, but it's not like you could go and see him anyway with the tough restrictions imposed on the Korean citizens.

There was also one big- scratch that- giant problem looming over your and your company's heads. The bane of your existence and public enemy number 1 Dispatch had dangled over your heads the threat of releasing the photos they had grabbed of you and Mark abroad in Vancouver at the start of the year. It wouldn't have been damning evidence considering it was the only photo set they had acquired of the two of you, but you were holding hands with your eyes clearly in view. 

Your companies had threatened to sue, of course, but Dispatch has never been scared. Then, your companies tried to play the guilt-trip card and interrogate them on why they would care to do such a thing when the world was suffering enough as it is. Alas, nothing got through to Dispatch. Eventually, your companies surrendered to pay a preposterous amount to get rid of the problem and it probably didn't even make a dent in SM's savings, but it surely hurt your growing but small company even if SM took the majority of the bill. 

It was completely eating you up and tearing your insides to know that because of your slip-up with Mark, the trainees in your company had to get their debut pushed back by a good probable few years.

Mark had been the perfect boyfriend, supporting you through your change to your new company and your short training period before your debut. Mark had been there to metaphorically hold your hand as you got to know the other girls and make lifelong sister bonds out of it. Mark had been there to cheer you on in the early mornings when you were doing your first few stages. Mark had been there when your first comeback did even better than your debut and propelled you to the top of the industry.

So why, oh why, were you thinking about whether being together is good for everyone involved? There you found yourself in a dark room, the phone next to your head as soft cries and hiccups escaped your lips.

"Baby, please tell me what's wrong. I hate when you cry and it's really hurting me that I'm not there with you right now. Do you want me to come there? Cause I will! I'll say I'm sick or something." he's rambling through the phone and you can hear that it's raining heavily in Seoul.

"Mark, you know that I love you right?"

"Of course I do," he coos gently, "And you're my once-in-a-lifetime great love. I love you too, baby. What's wrong?"

You don't even believe the words that come out of your mouth when you whisper them, "I can't do this anymore Mark. I think we need to break up."

"What? Y/N, this is not funny," his voice instantly turns serious.

"I'm sorry Mark, but I'm serious," you're sobbing at this point and you're surprised he can even still understand you, "I really don't want to do this but-"

"So why are you doing this? Look, let's just talk when you get back, okay? You're coming home soon, right? Or I can take a flight there, but baby, don't make these rash decisions- we're just missing each other."

"The guilt is eating me up, Mark," you confess in hushed tones, "I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. And every time I'm with you, I feel only this sense of anxiety about being caught together that I can't shake. I love you so much, Mark, but I don't know why I feel like this."

"Y/N, we've dealt with so much over the years and we've fought through everything together! We can work through this together, I promise. Just give me some time to think about what to do and everything will be okay-" he's crying now too and it breaks your heart to hear it because he barely ever cries, "I'll get the company to pay yours back what you paid to those assholes. Come on, baby."

"Mark," you whimper, "I ruined the company. I don't want to hurt my members either. Even if we admit to dating, imagine the hate that my group will face! I don't want to let them down any more than I already have."

"I'll tell the fans to not hate- Y/N just tell me what I can do to stop whatever this break-up idea in your head is. We're meant to be, Y/N. We're each other's perfect match."

"I don't love you any less, Mark. Please remember that. I need to do this for my members and for my company that took a leap of faith in me. I don't want to walk away from you, but I don't see any other choice. I don't want to hurt you or your members either. I can't be seen with you."

His voice is small and strained, "You're breaking my heart, Y/N."

"And I'm never going to forgive myself for it."

-

EARLY 2018

This was definitely the hardest decision of your life and it wasn't one that you took lightly either. It was something you had been thinking about for over a year and more intensely when the company started to press you on extending your exclusive training contract.

Herin Seo had entered SM just before you did and she lived and trained with you. She was your best friend outside of Mark and it broke your heart when she left the company only after 4 years in 2017. There were only a few months left on her contract, but she was desperate to get an out and an idol survival show finally gave her the motivation to break free.

Right now, she's taking the seat in front of you after setting down your favourite drinks from your favourite cafe that she still remembers, "Iced vanilla matcha latte for me and an iced oat latte for my best friend."

"You're the best Herin! My treat next time," you promise as you take the first sip. It's been a while since you've come to the café since it hurts to go when it used to be your spot with Herin.

"Well better be soon because I'm leaving in 5 days," she pouts, "I'm sorry I could only come to visit for a short time."

"It's okay. I'm glad to see you anyway after all these months," you grin, "How's settling back in Manchester?"

"I mean it's always been home but it took me a few months to really get to grips with the fact that I wasn't leaving after a week like I did when I would visit during my training. It's really weird to know England is now my permanent home and that I'm going to start school again there," she looks outside the large window that overlooks the river, "I really really miss Seoul."

You take her hand and muster your best comforting smile, "I'm really sorry that things didn't turn out how we wanted them to."

"Ha, it's not your fault Y/N. I mean, you're in the same boat; what are you planning to do with this contract thing?"

You sigh at the age-old question that's been plaguing your mind for months. In fact, your meeting with the company to decide your future was tomorrow and you still had no concrete idea of what you wanted, "I really don't know Herin. SM has been everything I've known for 5 years and everyone I love is at the company. I don't even know how to switch agencies or what happens at other agencies. At the same time, I know they're planning for a group soon, but I have this feeling that I can't shake when I think about it. I look at Jimin and Minjeong and my sweet baby Yizhou and I don't think I'm what the company wants."

"But they've invested so much time and money into you!" Herin furrows her eyebrows, "Surely they're building a group around you, Yizhuo, Koeun, Lami, and Hina! We were a pre-debut team! They can't just disregard all of you guys, right?"

"I wouldn't put it past them," you're fiddling nervously with your hands, "They've been good to me, but they're a business at the end of the day. I'm so torn up and I was thinking you could help me. How did you know that you wanted to leave the company?"

She thinks for a while before answering your question, "Well the survival show was just the reason why I left before my contract was up, but I already knew that I wasn't going to stay on and re-sign. For me, it just felt like I had more to give, but the environment I was in wasn't letting me grow anymore. I felt like there was nothing more I could give to SM. Even though Idol School didn't work out for me, I was still glad that I went."

You nod along to her story, "I haven't told anyone about this Herin. Mark's been bugging me about my terms for re-signing my contract, so I don't think it's even fathomable for him for me to leave."

"It's about you, Y/N. This is your story, your career, and your decision. There are going to be a lot of people that are going to be hurt or angry, but they will never understand what you're going through. Especially not the people who already debuted," Herin advises, "Look, talk about it with Mark tonight, and don't leave it until after your meeting because that might hurt more, but if he really loved you and wanted what's best for you, he would trust in your decision."

"You're right Herin. Thanks for being there for me."

So, you called Mark later on that night to come over. You had cooked up a few dishes for you to share and asked your dorm mates if they could give you a few hours for some alone time. Telling Mark was definitely going to be hard, but you couldn't imagine the conversation with the girls, who were going to be the most hurt. You remember when Herin left- you weren't angry, but you were overwhelmingly sad about the thought of the girl you started your journey with not being there anymore. That was when you started to question if you should still be there too, but you were scared to instill this thought in your other younger trainees that maybe thought they still had a chance.

"Hi baby," Mark is beaming when you open the door to him. He quickly shuts the door behind him with his foot and wraps you up in a tight hug, making sure to plant a kiss on your lips and then all over your face, "I missed your gorgeous face so much- oh my God the apartment smells so good! What did you cook?"

"Just some beef and rice," you lead him over to the dining table with the food set out already.

"Oh my gosh, you're so amazing," Mark smooches your cheek affectionately and takes his seat on the table. You had lived at the dorm for your whole time at SM and along the way, Mark had chosen his own seat at your dining table for when you had dinners inside, which was almost every date you shared.

You start with small talk, letting him eat and enjoy his meal before you inevitably break a little bit of his precious heart. You hadn't seen Mark for a few days since he was busy with some schedules, so he tells you all about the boys and what they've been up to recently. They're working on the biggest project NCT has ever done so far- a full 18-member release- and it's going spectacularly well. The album itself was a few weeks out, but each unit had been dropping some songs along the way.

"Babe, the company is throwing a release party when the album drops in a few weeks! Isn't that so exciting? They actually asked us what food we want at the party so we're all going crazy. I think Hyuck asked for a fondue fountain, so I'm dying to see if they'll actually give that," he's chuckling, halfway through his plate, "Do you have any special requests?"

Okay, deep breath. Now's the time. It's all or nothing.

"Actually Mark, I invited you over to talk about something," you begin and the smile on his face drops at your warning tone, "Please don't be upset with me."

"Ah, what's wrong?" he's pouting and you have to look away to get the strength to say what you need to. If you looked in his eyes any longer, you would find some reason to convince you to stay just for him.

"My contract meeting is tomorrow," you gulp, "I'm going to leave the company, Mark."

The sound of his chair scraping against the floor makes you cringe, "What? Y/N, what? What do you mean you're leaving the company? Where are you going to go? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just made up my mind today, Mark. I'm sorry I didn't confide in you, but this was a decision I had to make for myself," tears are welling up along your lash line, "I spoke to Herin today and I realised that the only thing making me stay any longer was you."

"But you're so close to debut!" he's arguing pleadingly, crouching beside you and holding your hand, "Babe, I can't imagine this company without you."

"I'm not Mark. You know that I'm not any closer to debut than I was when I joined 5 years ago. You're indispensable to this company, but I'm really not," you expressed, "I don't want to leave and I love you, your boys, and my girls, but I think this is what's best for me."

"But where are you going to go?" Mark sniffles, "I love you so much Y/N, but what's going to happen to us?"

You shake your head at his insinuations, "No, Mark. Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to us and I'll make sure that whatever company I join will know about us and protect us. I hope you'll find it in you to forgive me for this."

He stands up and wraps his arms around you from above, "I'm sorry for reacting this way Y/N, but there's nothing for you to be sorry for. I trust you, okay? I love you and I want you to do what's best for you. I know I can't make decisions for you, but I'll try my best to support you however I can."

You look up at him with adoration dripping from your eyes, "I love you, Mark. We're going to be okay, yeah?"

He brings his head down and connects your lips in the most love-filled way that your heart explodes in that familiar overwhelming feeling that Mark always seems to do to you, "We're going to be okay, baby."

-

LATE 2022

The world was playing a sick joke on you- it really was. There was no way your whole career wasn't just some April Fools' prank or that you weren't just the main target of some joke show.

You always prided yourself on being close with the company's staff and higher-ups. As a leader of your group, you felt that it was integral to your success that you were able to communicate your wishes and worries to the company and this gave you more creative freedom too. Apparently, the company too was getting more comfortable with you.

"What did you just say?" your eyes were incredulous, peering towards your sheepish CEO, "That's actually the worst idea I've ever heard in my life."

"Look, Y/N, you wanted a feature on your song," your CEO chuckles at your response, "I think this is an amazing idea."

"You're literally giving Dispatch a green light to release those photos. Do you want me to email you a picture of me and Mark making out so you can just tweet it from the official account?" you counter, "Why in the hell would having my ex-boyfriend feature on my solo debut title track be anything short of a terrible idea?"

"Mark is incredibly famous and incredibly talented," she begins, counting with her fingers, "You have high standards. We have a good relationship with SM Entertainment. Your fans love shipping the two of you together since you're in the same age group."

"He's also my ex-boyfriend. Is that not extremely problematic? Everyone will hyper analyse every interaction we have or have had and then they're actually going to figure out that we dated." you ponder, "The worst part of this all is that I know he would say yes if his company lets him."

"Exactly- he's your ex-boyfriend, not your current one. By all logic, he's now just another fellow idol or colleague that you can collaborate with. Anyway, SM will definitely say yes; look how many of their idols are in relationships or at least feature on tracks."

"This is all Crush and Joy's fault," you groan, looking at the pleased expression on your CEO's face knowing that she had won the argument.

When your company proposed the idea of having a solo debut to you half a year ago, you had vehemently declined the opportunity, citing it wouldn't be beneficial to your group as a whole and that you wanted to be known for your group and not your individuality. Your members, on the other hand, had different ideas and talked you into at least hearing out the company. You had really only agreed to the debut when they told you that they would give you full musical freedom and the help that you personally requested. It only seemed like a good idea when you realised that someone in the group needs to be the one to start doing solo activities so the rest of the group can follow suit. You've always known that Jian has been curious about acting.

So you find yourself swiveling in your chair in the studio, waiting for Mark to find his way to the room. It's your first time working together for your solo debut and the last time you had spoken to him was a text he sent you asking if you actually wanted him to feature on the track before he gave a response to his company. You begrudgingly replied a yes because even though you still didn't think it was a good idea, you couldn't imagine yourself working with anyone other than Mark. The industry was crazy sometimes.

The knocking on the door snapped you out of your thoughts and you jumped up to open it to Mark Lee holding two cups on the other side.

"Hey pretty. I got us some coffee," he pushes a cup into your hand and you move aside to let him in, "How are you?"

"Don't call me pretty," you mumble as you turn away to hide the blush starting to appear on your cheeks, "But I'm okay. It's getting busier with the holidays coming up, so you know how that is, but the company thought this time was a great time to work on my debut."

"I feel you," Mark grimaces, taking a seat on the other spinning chair, "Don't tell anyone but Dream is actually having another comeback. It's going to be out just before Christmas."

"Another one?" your eyes widen in shock, "But you just released 2 Baddies and I know you definitely have a repackage soon!"

"Yeah, it's hard to be part of both units," he sighs, "Cause our new album will be over 6 months out from Beatbox, but only 3 months from 2 Baddies. Whatever, you know I love what I do."

"Doesn't mean you don't get tired," you cross your arms, "Now I feel bad having you on this track. You are way too busy, Mark! Why didn't you or your company say no?"

He shakes his head to reassure you, "Nah, trust me Y/N; you're exactly the break I need from the boys. Besides, I've never had the chance to formally work with you, so why would I give up the opportunity when it comes? We always made a great team back then."

You smile fondly, thinking about all those times when you and Mark were young teenagers and would huddle up in the practice rooms writing songs together and creating melodies on your guitars.

"I guess we did. Anyway, have a listen to this track. It's just something I wrote a while ago, but it always seemed unfinished so I thought that a feature would complete it," you hand him a pair of headphones and gesture over to your laptop with the track already loaded up, "If you like it, you can do your part in the second verse, but otherwise we can start from scratch."

You watch his face as he listens to the song and you're endeared to find out he still carries the same habit of letting his face do all the talking whenever he's listening to something new. His head is bobbing up and down as he nods along to the song and you can easily tell which parts he likes.

"So, what do you think?" you inquire.

He has a grin on his face, "I love it! Honestly! It's a cute song about a crush, I guess?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to go with any song that's lyrically strong for my debut. This song's pretty unassuming and you know how important it is to the companies to have a general public-friendly song," you shrug. They didn't really explicitly give you guidelines, but you knew what the company was really looking for- a hit, "Can you work with that beat? I'll send you the song of course and you don't have to rush or anything."

"I'll see what I can do," Mark teases, "Can I get an insider sneak peek at the rest of the album? You know, feature perks and all of that."

You flush even redder than when he complimented you earlier, "I'm going to be so honest Mark, the whole album is about you. Every song I've written is about you."

He shrugs casually, "I would've figured. You're a big inspiration to my writing too. Is that a no, then?"

You decide that there was no point shying away from Mark's request, considering that he would end up hearing each and every song whenever your album came out anyway. Plus, the two of you were artists and you understood being each others' muse- good or bad. Mark had seen you in every vulnerable state possible. Showing him your songs that you were comfortable enough to release to the public anyway was nothing to you.

"You can listen."

You don't bother giving Mark any explanations for any song- he's the one that lived through these experiences with you. You leave him with your tracklist on the laptop and tell him you would leave him for a few moments to grab some lunch for the two of you in the company cafeteria. You were hoping it was going to be a quick trip down and back up, but you had run into a producer you were also working with on the album, and that gave Mark at least 5 songs worth of time alone.

What you hadn't expected upon returning was to find Mark crying softly, his sweater paws rubbing at his eyes.

"Mark? Are you crying?"

Your surprise caused him to jump up and frantically wipe away his tears, "Ha. That's a really sad album, huh?"

The guilt continues to eat you up from the inside out, "I'm not going to release all of them, I think. A few sad songs and fill the rest in with inconspicuous tracks."

"Well your songs are beautiful anyway," he gives you a pained smile, "You're an amazing writer. I just wish I wasn't the cause of your pain."

"Hey," you scold softly, bumping his arm with yours, "Don't say that. You were nothing but amazing to me. You made me so happy. It was just the circumstances around us."

He chuckled bitterly to himself, "If we weren't famous- if this industry wasn't so vicious, I would still have you?"

"Mark," you warn, but he cuts you off.

"Have you thought about what I asked you?" he interrupts, "It's been a year, you know? I still miss you."

"Mark, it's not that easy," you counter, "Nothing's changed!"

"It's either you want to be with me or you don't. Don't skirt around it and just tell me the truth, okay? It would really make working together easier if I know where we stand. I won't stop fighting for us until you tell me to stop, so tell me what you want, Y/N," Mark pleads, standing up to face you, "I'm sorry for springing it out of nowhere, but I need to know. I can't move on until I know to let you go."

You hate yourself for what you did to Mark. He was the boy that taught you how to love and how to love patiently, sincerely, and passionately. He was the boy that held your hand and rubbed your back when you cried and the boy that celebrated every success with you. He was the boy that told you how proud he was of you, even every time you felt like the world was collapsing around you. He was the boy who would lay kisses on your forehead and whisper sweet nothings in your ear whenever you faced another setback. He was the boy that made flowers bloom out of your heart from his kind gestures and the way he showed you how much he loved you. And if nothing else, Mark was the boy that made you happy.

You remember a conversation with your youngest member the night before. You had confided in her how nervous you were to work with Mark and she lectured you on finally letting yourself be happy. You were already a 4-year idol and Mark was coming onto 7 years. You weren't rookies anymore and you had solid fanbases. It was clear that the companies weren't extremely opposed to revealing that the two of you were dating back then, so she told you that it would be fine now. Kali told you, rather cliché-ly, that the heart wants what it wants and your heart has been screaming and begging from Mark since the second you ended that phone call with him all those years ago.

"Y/N?"

"Mark," you meet his eyes and melt all over again, "It's you, Mark."

Mark wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you tighter. The other hand reaches up to your face to brush your hair out of your face and cradle your cheek as he brings it up to his own face. Your noses are almost touching as Mark lays it all bare for you, "Do you love me or do you not, Y/N?"

"I do," the feeling is cathartic when you finally tell him and when he finally presses his lips in a searing kiss that sets off all the fireworks in your heart. The feeling of Mark is familiar, but the kiss is longing and hopeful and you can't get enough.

You're both panting when he breaks the kiss and he rests his forehead against yours as he laughs softly in relief. He's been waiting to do that for over 2 years.

"I need you back, Y/N. It's been the worst 2 years of my life," he whispers against your lips, "Please come back."

You smile when he opens his eyes. They're that shade you grew to love all those years ago and they're sparkling like the day he first asked you to be his girlfriend.

Nothing's changed in your environment, that's for sure. What you're also sure about is that each time you see Mark again, you feel a little braver and more courageous. Each time Mark tells you that he loves you even though you shattered his heart like glass, you feel like his love can get you through anything. Maybe you needed those 2 years to see what you were missing or maybe you were just stupid.

Whatever. All you know now is that even 2 years on, Mark Lee is still begging for your love and your brain is losing out in its battle against your heart. It might've taken you two years, but now you see that all you need is Mark Lee by your side to get through the torrential storm that was heading your way and that you were going to get out on the other side to a bright and sunny sky, as long as he was holding your hand and leading you.

You place a kiss on his lips that tells him all he needs to know, "I'm here, Mark. It's always been you. You've always been the one. Always."

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Prominence [A.1]

Social Media AU ; Idol AU ; Added Unit AU CW/TW: Language Genre: Comedy, Romance Pairing: NCT x Idol!Reader, Yangyang x Reader Y/N Pronouns: Female (She/Her) Word Count: 5.5K

(1/?) [NCT Masterlist] | [Other Groups Masterlist] | [Prominence S1 Masterlist] | [Prominence S2 Masterlist]

Notes: AKA me wanting to write an alternate season where all of us second-male-lead-syndrome bitches won. Also, rq, should go without saying but this is completely separate from S2 and will not be referenced in S3, I just like being delusional. Also this is a direct branch from s1, it's an alternate season soooo yah Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

28th December 2021

You were a mess.

And, really, he didn't blame you. Back-to-back scandals leaving everything on the line, if he were in your shoes he'd have isolated himself too. Maybe he wouldn't have shut everyone out, but, then again, he hasn't exactly been in this situation before, feeling like everything could have been gone in the blink of an eye. He's never felt so... hopeless.

Not when you forgot his name. Not when you didn't do so much as spare him a glance. Not when you didn't remember him when you were grouped into NCThree. Not when you announced that you were dating who was, most likely, one of the most eligible bachelors in the 4th gen.

And not now, he wouldn't let himself. Look at you, he'd never seen you like this, and he never thought he would too.

And then the fantasy ended. Leaving you here with him, two soju bottles in and a third being opened. And a secret tossed into the open when it should have been kept locked away.

'(Y/N) you have to promise me that nothing will change after this, okay?' He said that and you swore to him that nothing would. But he knew, he knew this was a bad idea, so why did he want to keep going with it so bad?

“(Y/N). You’re my best friend,” saying it out loud really puts more into perspective, “[and I love you].” Those three words carried so much weight that as soon as he said it, he felt his shoulders become lighter. You only nodded.

“Yangyang, you’re my best friend, and I love you too,” you laughed. You didn’t get it. “That’s not really a secret, buddy. I’d take a bullet for you,” you continued. Yangyang shook his head. He expected this much, but now that he has to spell it out, it feels even more awkward.

“No, (Y/N), you don’t get it,” he puts his hand on your shoulder now. “You’re my best friend. And I love you.” He said it again, and still the weight carried. It felt wrong to tell you this now.

“I… oh,” realization was clear in your eyes. Your lips fell slightly ajar as the cogs turned in your mind. They closed and you looked away for a moment. Yangyang pulled away from you and folded his hands together instead, looking off while you processed. You were quiet for a while, both of you were, your hands were playing with the cap of the soju bottle in front of you while your expression changed only slightly, and it got Yangyang wondering just what you were thinking in your head.

But you were still quiet, you have been quiet. Just what were you thinking about? There was always this pride you both held in being able to understand what the other was thinking but, for the first time, he couldn't read you at all.

"(Y/N)?" He's testing the waters now. You promised.

"I think... we should head back now," you pushed the bottle away. Yangyang turned away from you and straightened in his seat.

"Yeah, let's go," he nodded his head and waited for you to step off the stool first before following you.

"Auntie, we're leaving now," you said without looking back.

And that was the first time, in a very long time, that Yangyang had felt hopeless.

~

"She didn't say anything?" Dejun was at the edge of his seat, and so were the rest of WayV, Renjun, and, of course, Mark. Yangyang had just finished recounting the [details from just a few hours] earlier to this grouping of curious members, and, to say the least, their expressions were grim or near unreadable. Some listened intently, while others seemed to be distracted.

"Nothing... just... 'oh' and that was it, that was the end of the conversation," Yangyang's eyes glance to some corner of his room. Not a good time, he knows he should have waited, it was too rash on his part.

"What did she say on the way back? Or when you got back?" Mark probes.

"Nothing," Yangyang had this despair in his eyes. "I... I think I really ruined things between us," he shakes his head.

"No, don't say that," Kun comforts him. "She's probably just processing everything right now, you know it wasn't really the best time to drop this on her."

"I know!"

"Then why did you do it?" Renjun sighs.

"Hey, don't be like that, you're the one who encouraged me to tell her the truth."

"Well not right now, Yangyang," he groans.

"But... she really didn't say anything? This is (Y/N), right? No smart quips, no badly timed jokes, nothing?" Mark hugs the plush to his chest.

"That's what's got me so worried," Yangyang rubbed the back of his head harshly. "She promised nothing would change, though."

"Seriously, Yangyang?" Ten groans. "Everything will change."

"Dude, not now, I know I shouldn't have dropped this on her now," he runs a tired hand down his face. "I know... I know it was selfish of me to have even said anything, but part of me felt like it would've been more unfair to keep it a secret from her, especially when there are just so many secrets around her right now," he mutters.

"No, you're right... but I think I'm gonna go check on her," Mark stands up, handing the stuffed animal to Renjun on the way. "She's... she's my best friend too, I feel bad about lying to her," he shakes his head and leaves the room.

"I fucked up," Yangyang shakes his head. He should have waited. "I don't even know how I'm going to fix it."

"Maybe don't," Kun offers, "I can't speak for her, but everything seems to be out of her control for now, wait for her to get back to you on this."

"Yeah, I get what you mean," Yangyang nods, "but I can't just... pretend that it didn't happen."

"No, definitely don't do that," Xiaojun shakes his head. Ten nods.

"Don't pretend, but don't push either," Ten hums, "and, most important of all, don't ignore her," he shoots him a pointed glare. "She needs friends right now, and her best friend even more. Don't be Yangyang the doomed second male lead, be Yangyang her best friend," Ten crosses one leg over the other.

"Easier said than done, I don't think we'll ever look at each other the same way again," he runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Well, she promised that nothing would change, right?" Renjun leans forward, "I don't know (Y/N) as well as you do, but I do know that she keeps her promises. Just give her time, and maybe support her while her career hangs on by a thread," Renjun sighs.

"Yeah, you're all right," Yangyang leans back on his palms. But he couldn't swallow down the guilt.

~

You sat in your room, hugging your pillow to your chest all the while.

Wow... talk about timing.

You sighed into the pillow and reached for your phone, your thumb hovering over Seonghwa's contact name, and so much more guilt building inside of you. So much shit was going on right now, you were thrown into scandal after scandal and now you had... this to deal with. Most of ATEEZ had always been concerned about your friendship with Yangyang, some louder about it than others, but never did you think that they were right. Maybe the fact that enough of them brought it up should have been a concern to you.

But you didn't want to believe them. You just wanted to hold on to this image you had of your best friend that he was just that. And now so many of his actions have become clouded to you, so many of his intentions have been brought to question, hell, even your friendship with him is in the air now too. Even your future was something you were unsure of now. You couldn't just stop talking to him, that would be impossible considering NCThree. Then again, you were in very real danger of losing your job now so it wasn't impossible.

This is nothing, though, compared to the bigger conflict. You're still in a relationship, a very happy one, or at least you think it is.

So why didn't you give him an answer then? You should have flat-out told him 'no.' You should have rejected him right then and there and had the both of you move on and continue like it hadn't happened, but, no. You didn't give him an answer. And if it was eating you up like this you could only imagine him. How long had he felt this way about you?

If he was a year earlier, maybe things would have been different.

You shook the thought out of your head. You're in a relationship. And one that you were willing to fight for, one that you had been fighting for.

Then, a knock at your door interrupted your thoughts.

"It's open," you took a deep breath as Mark entered, closing the door behind him. He pulled your desk chair aside and sat down, hands in his hoodie's pockets and shoulders relaxed.

"Hey, I... uh... I just wanted to check up on you," he says. You nodded your head and, if possible, you sank further into that pillow you were holding.

"You talked to Yangyang, huh?"

"Yeah," Mark nodded, "but you're my best friend too, and to be honest, don't tell him, if I had to pick a side I'd always choose you first," he says quietly.

"Why would we need to pick sides?" You glanced at your phone again. "It's okay, Mark, you don't have to worry about anything, but if he's looking for an answer..." you trailed off, "I can't give him one."

"If you don't mind, can I ask why?" You're silent for a while.

"Well, I don't want to just heartlessly reject him, he's still my best friend too," you nodded, "I need to come up with a... better way to turn him down without ruining his ego forever," you added with a short laugh, "plus... I can't really think about what he said right now," you muttered.

"I get it, I get it," Mark hums, "but... uh..."

"I know, I promised nothing would change but... Mark, you understand where I'm coming from, right?"

"Of course, I do," Mark sits up a little now, "will... will the three of us change?" His voice was quiet and you couldn't answer him.

"I don't know, I think I'm going to wait for all this to blow over then he and I can figure it out," you said.

"Yeah," Mark answers but he doesn't sound convinced, "if you need anything, though, (Y/N), let me know."

"Can you silence all the rumors?" You asked jokingly.

"Eh, I can probably pull a few strings," Mark tilts his head left and right with a small smile, "you said it yourself, everyone loves me," he tries to lighten the mood and you cracked a small smile.

"Exactly, Mark," you tipped the pillow toward him, "but, seriously, thanks for checking up on me," you nuzzled your head into the pillow.

"Yeah, of course," he says. "I should probably head back now, get some sleep, (Y/N)."

"I will, good night," you watched him get up and head to your door.

"Night," he closes it behind him and you're left on your own again. You laid down in bed, going over your mental checklist of things to do tomorrow, the first thing, naturally, would be to call Seonghwa and tell him about everything that's going on, then you'd have to talk to your managers and sort everything out too, and maybe some damage control wouldn't hurt either. Then, as you closed your eyes, your phone rang on the nightstand next to you and you picked it up quickly, immediately recognizing the ringtone.

"Seonghwa?" Your voice was tired.

"Hey, could you meet me outside really quick?" And so was his. You stood up and walked over to your window. The sidewalks were anything but busy at this time of night.

"Yeah, I'll be down there," you hung up first while pulling on a hoodie and heading out of your room. The dorms were just as quiet as the outside likely was and you moved around carefully so as not to awaken anyone on accident. But, moving to the main room, you saw the small sliver of light coming from the WayV dorms and part of you felt a little sad about it. You turned away and left the dorms, the elevator ride down being unbearably longer than usual.

When you'd finally left the building, there Seonghwa was. His phone was still in his hand and Mars in the other.

"Hi," you looked either way before hugging him. He held you back, his head nuzzling against yours.

But something about it felt... off.

And when you separated, that feeling only grew.

"It's a bit late for a walk, don't you think?" You pet Mars gently with a smile.

"Yeah," he seemed distant. "I need to talk to you about something important," he says. You nodded.

"Anything, did you want to come inside? It's cold out here," you pointed behind you, but he shook his head. "Did something happen?" You asked him. He looked off for a moment before nodding.

"(Y/N)," he says your name, but it felt like it was being held down by a heavyweight, "I've been doing a lot of thinking," he says.

"Mmhmm," you nodded your head slightly, "me too," you answered. And you weren't wrong, there is so much that you both had to talk about in terms of this relationship and in lieu of all the scandals that suddenly appeared.

"Then you know," he says.

"Yeah," you nodded, "it'll take a lot of work, but I'm sure we'll be able to fight our way out of this, just like before, right?" You shot him a tired smile. He didn't return it. "Seonghwa?" You said his name carefully, but he shakes his head.

"I think..." he looks away for a moment, then he turns back to you and hands you Mars' leash. "You should watch him for a while, he's always trying to escape our place," he says. You nodded and Mars walked over to your side.

"Yeah, I'm always happy to take this rascal in," you scratched behind his ears. "But, I can tell that that's not what you're here for, huh?" You tried to look him in his eyes, but he averted from your gaze every time. And, slowly, you felt this pit form in your chest. "Is... are you okay?" You changed your question. He shakes his head and you took a step toward him, and he took a step back.

"I think we should go our separate ways, (Y/N)."

You're silent.

"I don't think now's a good time for either of us to be..." he didn't finish his sentence. And still, you were silent. Mars whimpered next to you, and still you didn't move. You kept looking at him.

"You're breaking up with me?" You asked him with a shaky voice. He looked at you with a gentle gaze. "Why?" Did you even need to ask?

"I'm sorry, (Y/N)," he says.

"Is it the rumors?"

"I-"

"Did I do something?"

"It's not that-"

"If it's because of Yang-"

"(Y/N), just wait, please," he says. You stop talking. "(Y/N), I just think... With everything going on right now, it might be best if we walk on our own for a while, let everything settle down," he says. You didn't respond. "And you're getting busy, so am I, we just won't have time to spend with one another," he continues. You looked down at the ground. "Say something, (Y/N), anything," he says. You looked to Mars, who's ears were down.

"What... what do you want me to say to that?" You looked at him and shook your head. "If I say 'no' then I'm selfish, and if I say 'yes' then everything we've been through together... was for nothing?" You swallowed harshly.

"It wasn't for nothing."

"Then why even break up in the first place?"

"I told you why," Seonghwa shook his head.

"That's not fair, Seonghwa, you know everything happening isn't my fault," your voice wavered. "That's not fair, you can't pin these on me," a noticeable whimper rose in your throat.

"It's not about the rumors, (Y/N), of course I know they're not true!" Seonghwa rarely ever raised his voice, and he knew he made a mistake when you sealed your lips shut. "I'm sorry, (Y/N), I don't think I can continue on with this anymore," he says. You clutched the leash tighter.

"You... that... that's not fair..." you muttered. "We've made it work before."

"(Y/N)."

"I don't think we should give up now."

"I... I can't, anymore."

"Why not?"

"I just can't!"

"That's not an answer, Seonghwa, we've been together for more than a year, you can do better than I can't!" Your voice rose and Seonghwa groaned in frustration.

"It's for me and for you," he says.

"Don't you dare make that decision for me," whatever disbelief you had was slowly being replaced with anger, "you..." you took a deep breath. It wouldn't be fair to him for you to refuse, and you just couldn't look him in the eye. "Fine," you whispered.

"(Y/N), I don't want us to end on a bad note."

"We're not," you shook your head, "but it's not on a good one either. Take however long you need, as long as you tell me eventually the real reason why you wanted to throw away a whole year," you shut your eyes tight, as if locking the tears away. Seonghwa reached out to you and you let him, and he held you close to him for a while, but you couldn't find it in you to hold him back.

"I'm sorry, it's for the best," he says. You shook your head. You couldn't say anything to him, it would've been selfish of you to hold him back when he didn't want to continue on and you could just tell that there was something else, something bigger, that he was keeping from you and if this was how he wanted to play it, without you, then that's his choice. He didn't ask for a break, he didn't leave hope to continue, he just chose to end it all.

"You..." you pushed away from him, "are horrible," you shook your head and you turned to leave. But Mars stood still, grabbing onto the leash between his jaws as if to pull you back. "Come on, Mars, let's go," you pulled on the leash gently, but he stayed put with a small whimper. You sighed and dropped the leash. "Then stay with him," you hugged your arms to your chest and you walked back into the building, taking one last look back. Seonghwa watched you with a distant look in his eyes, and you waited for a few moments, hoping for something, anything really. Was it too much for you to hope that he'd follow you in? Take it all back? Why was he just standing there? You shook your head, he did nothing, and you pushed the button for the elevator, and when it took too long you turned to the side and took the stairs instead. And with each step you looked at your phone, waiting and hoping to get a sudden call or text from him to come back down or to... do something, but, instead, all you saw was the time. 3:45am.

You walked back into the dorms, the main room was empty, dark, maybe a little messy but that was normal for this home. Most of all, it was quiet, everyone, you think, was still asleep or about to be. You felt like you were on autopilot since taking the stairs. Then, right as you turned to walk over to the ANiMA side, that door opened and Jihyun, headset around her neck, spotted you and smiled.

"Hey, you're up... what happened?" Her smile dropped and she walked over to you quickly to wipe the tears off your face with her hoodie's sleeve. You sniffled loudly and you held onto her hands.

"I... he... I..." you swallowed harshly, feeling your words get caught in your throat and turn into short gasps until you finally gave up and hugged her and she hugged you back, wrapping her arms securely around you while your sniffles turned into sobs, and you cried into her shoulder.

"Oh, it's okay, shh," she comforts you, rubbing the back of your head softly. "It's okay, (Y/N)." But you couldn't respond, your voice was being swallowed down. You let go of her first, but she kept her hand on your shoulder. "I know you must be under a lot of pressure right now, (Y/N)," she says. You nodded, but you still couldn't speak, you just pointed to the dorms and you walked off toward it, Jihyun following you as soon as she grabbed a cup of water for you, but when she entered your room, you weren't there. "(Y/N)?" She looks around until she sees the line of light under the bathroom door. "Oh... (Y/N)..." she leans on the wall against it.

You, meanwhile, lay on the ground. You came in here fully intending to just wash your face but, at one point, you were sitting on the floor, then you were on the ground staring at the wall.

What the hell?

What the hell was that?!

It's better for you and him?

What was better? How could this be better? Your whole fucking life is falling apart. You thought that if there was just one thing you had in control it was your relationship but apparently fucking not considering he just broke up with you with some bullshit excuse and... this sucks. Even your dog didn't want to go with you. How badly did you fuck up for him to think that it would've been good to... break up? You sighed and blinked the tears away, but it wasn't long before they were replaced. And so you covered your eyes with your hands instead.

~

That next morning, the NCT dorms were in chaos. Early morning schedules mixed with personal schedules had everyone up early and without the varying doses of caffeine those same people were cranky.

Such as this one. Jeno banged on the bathroom door.

"Jaemin, stop flexing in the mirror, I have to take a shit," he grumbles. There's no response. "Jaem, I'm serious!" He knocks on the door again and Saeron opens it, holding her shower caddy and blowdryer.

"Thanks for letting me use the bathroom, Jaemin! Sorry, Jen, I just had to take a quick shower," she pats his face and walks off. Jeno covers his mouth and gasps.

"Oh, fuck," his cheeks flush red with embarrassment.

~

"Who the hell is taking so long in the bathroom?!" Doyoung shouts. The other eight members of 127 looked among themselves and shrugged.

"Ay, wait in line! I'm next," Johnny tightens the towel around his waist and Jungwoo pulls out his toothbrush from his mouth.

"Mm whm ahm," Jungwoo says, mouth full of toothpaste. Finally, the door opens and Yeseul walks out.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your hellhole bathroom," she dries her hair with a towel and walks off, Doyoung's jaw dropping in the process.

"Em? Why were you using our bathroom?" Mark asks.

"Ours is quarantined," Yeseul shrugs.

"Oh, well, if (Y/N) needs to use it she can," he says.

"That's nice, I'll tell her once she leaves our bathroom," she walks out of the dorms.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Mark follows her out.

~

"Damn! You live like this?!" Jihyun's voice seemed to echo in the WayV dorms. She throws the door open, holding various skin products in hand. "There are no labels!" She has a wild look in her eyes.

"Yeah, there are!" Hendery argues.

"Guanheng! This literally says "Xiaojun's Thing" that's not a label!"

"Well, it's Xiaojun's so it's none of my concern," Hendery rests a hand on his hip and Yangyang opens his door.

"Jie? What are you doing here?"

"(Y/N) has been in the bathroom since 3 am and she's not coming out, and we all have schedules, but we love her, so we're letting her have her time by taking from yours," Jihyun explains, shoving the mystery skin products into Hendery's hands on her way out. Yangyang quickly follows her.

"Since 3 am?! Is she okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, she just needs a couple hours," Jihyun explains. When both walk into the ANiMA dorms, they see the crowd outside of the bathroom.

"(Y/N)?" Seojoon knocks on the bathroom door. "How long has she been in there?" He asks.

"Five hours now," Jihyun looks at the clock.

"(Y/N), we got schedules, I'm sure you look fine," Seojoon says. There's no answer. Saeron sighs and knocks on the door.

"(Y/N)? Honey, is everything okay?" She asks. Jihyun's lips downturn.

"She went out last night, around 3 am, I ran into her on her way in and she was crying," Jihyun explains and Saeron's shoulders dropped.

"(Y/N), we're worried about you, what happened?" Saeron asks. Again, no response.

"At least give us a sign you're alive," Yeseul leans against the door and a loud thud resounds against it. "She's fine," Yeseul nods. "Who am I beating up?" She asks. No response. Then her phone rings with your caller ID on it, and it wasn't long before she answered. "(Y/N)?"

"Sorry..." your voice was tired and scratchy from crying. Yeseul put it on speaker and the girls crowded around the phone, barely leaving enough space for Mark and Yangyang.

"What happened? It's not like you to hole up in there," Saeron asks.

"I... I have to skip schedules today," you say. The girls look at Seojoon.

"Are you sure, (Y/N)? I thought you said you wanted to keep working," he says. Saeron nudges him harshly and he looks at her as if to say 'What?' She only rolls her eyes at this.

"Yeah, I wanna stay home," your voice drops into a murmur.

"That's okay, kiddo, but we're all worried about you, at least let us know what's wrong and how we can help," she says.

"I don't think you guys can help with this..." you answered. "Unless you can find a way to put my relationship back together," your sentence turned into a sob.

Silence.

The girls looked at each other.

"Honey... did... did Seonghwa break up with you?" Saeron asks carefully. She is responded by a loud cry that she could hear from inside the bathroom.

"I don't even know what I did wrong! Sure the rumors flying around about me are shit as fuck but he knows none of them are true! I just don't understand why he'd end things now! He told me it was better for him and better for me but I've been thinking all damn night about how on earth this would be better for me I'm about to be jobless, for god's sake, and now I'm jobless and alone! And, sure, yeah, both of us are getting busy but not that busy it's not like we haven't been this busy before, I don't understand how that's a good enough excuse to throw away an entire fucking year!" You ranted, occasionally interrupted by hiccups and sometimes sobs, and the whole time everyone just listened. "Was it me? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, hon, you didn't do anything wrong," Saeron says.

"Fucking asshole," Yeseul curses under her breath. "I love you, (Y/N), I've always thought he was an asshole," she says into the speaker and you cried louder.

"She can't go out," Saeron looks at Seojoon who only nods.

"I wouldn't want her to either, I'll explain everything to the producers," Seojoon pulled his phone out and dialed them, leaving the group behind. Saeron looks at the boys and nudges her head toward the door.

"What?" Yangyang whispers.

"Say something!" Saeron whispers back.

"Oh, trust, Yangyang should not say anything," Mark shakes his head quickly.

"Dude," Yangyang half whispers.

"What? Why not? If anything he should be the only one talking," Saeron shakes her head in confusion.

"Uh, I, um," Yangyang stammers and Mark shakes his head, he was the first to knock on the door.

"Hey... (Y/N)," he says, "let's talk about it, you shouldn't be alone right now," he says. Yeseul hands her phone to him.

"Do you think he broke up with me because I have a lot of... guy friends?" You asked quietly.

"If he did he's a piece of shit," Yeseul says.

"Emily, be a bit more comforting," Saeron says.

"I know! But... fuck, he really chose now to break up with her?" Yeseul is, rightfully, angry, and when she heard you cry in the bathroom behind her she only got angrier. "Call your cousin here right now so I can beat his ass to oblivion," she looks at Saeron with an unmeasurable rage in her eyes.

"Although I'm sure you would win in a fight against San, violence isn't the answer here," Saeron says. She sighs. "Who doesn't have schedules today?" She asks. "All of ANiMA is booked."

"I can't right now," Yangyang mumbles. Mark shakes his head. Everyone looks at Yangyang, who sighs in response.

"Yeah, I'll check in on her first," Mark says, "I'll let you know if anything comes up," Mark knocks on the door. No response.

"Thanks, Mark, we're lucky that you're not busy right now," Saeron says. "We'll be back in the evening. Mark, text me if anything happens," Saeron says.

"And text me if he-who-shall-not-be-named pulls up," Yeseul rubs her hair harshly.

"Yeah, I will," Mark watches them leave and only Yangyang stays behind. "Dude, do you really not want to go in there?"

"Of course, I do, she's my best friend before anything else," Yangyang says. "But after last night, I don't think it's a good idea if I comfort her about this right now." Mark could only nod.

"Just... no, yeah, you're right. It might be rubbing salt in the wound if you go in there," Mark looks at the door.

"If she even opens it," Yangyang sighs. He puts his hand on the door and twists the knob, opening the door slightly. "Oh."

"Well, I got it from here," Mark sighs. Yangyang watches him go inside, catching a quick glimpse of you on the floor before the door shut.

You were staring at particularly nothing, awake, but staring at the wall. Mark closed the door behind him and sat on the ground next to you and, when there was no response, he laid down too.

"Hey... uh... (Y/N)... why are you on the floor?" Mark asks. You blinked. Huh, you didn't even realize he came in.

"Why are you on the floor?" You shot a question back at him.

"Figured it'd be easier to talk to you this way," he nods.

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Well..." your lips pressed in a straight line before turning into a frown, "I..." you sniffled.

"Take all the time you need."

"You know that feeling when you don't want to cry but the more you talk the more you feel like crying?" You asked him, your voice getting slowly replaced by sobs, Mark just nods. "Yeah, um, my life is shit right now," you cried. You rolled on your back and sighed. Mark didn't know what to say to that, there was no silver lining right now, just... shit, you know? Well, you would know but he wouldn't say that. "I must have been a really bad girlfriend, huh? I wonder what he saw that... confirmed that for him."

"Hey, don't say that, you were a great girlfriend to him," Mark shakes his head. “I mean, you always tried to sync your schedules with his, you always spent your days off together, and, I dunno, you were always thinking of him and we thought he did the same for you,” Mark rolls on his back too, both of you lying on the bathroom floor and staring at the ceiling. “Jihyun noona says you’ve been here for a while.”

“Is the sun up?”

“Yeah.”

“Damn…” you closed your eyes, “I’m sorry, Mark,” you mumbled.

"Don't apologize to me, I don't think you're doing anything wrong," he folded his hands over his stomach and you sniffled. "But, you know, lying down on the bathroom floor probably isn't the best way to cope with things," he says.

"Yeah... I know..." you muttered. "I'll be out in a minute," you said. Mark sat up.

"Alright, I'll wait for you outside." When Mark shut the door behind him, Yangyang was nowhere to be seen. Mark shook off the worry, he couldn’t think about the future when you were behind him needing all the support you could have. Support, huh? He wondered if there was even anything he could do to help aside from what he was doing now.

Needless to say, you didn't leave the bathroom in a minute, or in hours for that matter. And when the ANiMA girls walked in Mark knew you weren't coming out for a while. Mark gestured toward the bathroom and Saeron walked in next with a glass of water and small snacks. He took a deep breath and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. He just didn't get it. Sure, he didn't know Seonghwa that well, but he knew Yangyang well. Just what exactly happened last night for even him to avoid you?

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[suhnandmoon]

suhnandmoon's masterlist

i love to stare into eternity. let my mind become a wave upon the sea. and then i race across the galaxy, far away beyond reality, to a world where you care for me. 

hi i'm sunny! i've been making sns au's since 2021. here is a complete list of all of my fics :) warning: my nct dream sns aus are a lottt different from my enha sns aus (my nct ones are olderrrr… 2021….)

most recent fic: soul eater most recent sns au: meet me in elwynn + starlight ♡ = authors favorite

lee heeseung

social media aus

♡ dance with me, baby! ♡ (college au, unserious, comedy, loser heeseung + loser lover yn)

lee heeseung, tasked with picking up his little sister from dance class every wednesday, is taken by surprise when his sister’s dance instructor is who he believes to be the love of his life. also niki gets stuck in a cult.

status: complete!

_

meet me in elwynn (college au, gamer au/online friends, LOSER heeseung!!!!!!! almost pathetic. slight enemies to lovers)

when desperately left in need for one more player to start their in-game guild, riki miraculously finds you. initially unwilling to join a group with a handful of random college guys, a certain boy by the name of lee heeseung manages to win over your heart despite a terrible first impression (and complete lack of skill to play the game).

status: ongoing!

park sunghoon

social media au

stupid for you (radio show host au, unserious, pining, fluff, same universe as dance with me, baby)

college radio show host, park sunghoon, and his friends are struggling to get callers for their weekly advice segment on hybe radio. what happens when jake tells the girl that sunghoon is interested in to call and anonymously ask for relationship advice (that just so happens to be about sunghoon himself)?

status: completed!

nishimura riki

scenario

idol au (400 words)

in which niki sees that you’re livestreaming and he happens to be a few practice rooms away

ot7

texts

how enha reacts to your lockscreen being of a different member

enha (individual) x gn!reader

huang renjun

social media au

starlight (remake of my first smau. i dont recommend reading the original, thrillerish, vampire au, fake dating au, college au)

after an unexpected night at the movies, you’re left turned into a vampire. with the help of park jisung and his friends, your new lifestyle adjustments are thankfully made a lot easier. that is until your friends start to call out your flaky behavior. quick, how are you going to cover up your secret? a fake boyfriend taking up your time? perfect! huang renjun is just the right guy!

status: ongoing

na jaemin

social media au

the nerve! (enemies to lovers, influencer au)

you had one terrible run-in with famous youtuber, na jaemin, and suddenly it seems like you’re bumping into him every where you go. what is a coincidence to you, turns into a misunderstanding when he accuses you of following him around. jaemin, you have got a lot of nerve!

status: complete!

park jisung

social media au

my minecraft boyfriend (college au)

a joke tweet about your boyfriend on minecraft from when you were in middle school ends up reaching the boy in question and oh no- he’s hot.. this sudden reunion with park jisung was completely unexpected for multiple parties. will this old romance rekindle, or was it just meant to stay in the past?

status: complete!

fic

soul eater (8.5k words, fantasy, weapon!jisung x meister!reader)

“with his shoulders hunched, eyes shifting across the room, and the overall appearance of a sopping wet cat, the last person left was indeed your partner- though you had double checked his name tag a few times, hoping this was a joke.”

short scenarios

#thoughtdumpy

included in the tag: pokemon trainer!renjun, genshin!nct dream, unconventional coffee shop au!jisung,  unconventional coffee shop au!haechan

[444zaahh]

hiiii it’s been a while ̵ᴗ˂̵

since my last bf mark pics did so well i thought id do it againnn, here’s mark bf pics u can fool ppl w 😟🤍🤫

[a-bts-world]

Chapter 1

Mariposa was at her dorm when Jaemin called her. It had been four days since he told her about his life and what he does for a living. Four days since they talked last. Normally the two talk to each other every day, so this is a weird phenomenon. The distance between them for the past four days has been pretty hard on Mariposa. Together with an exam coming up and thus getting way too little sleep, she has been very emotional all day. So when Jaemin finally calls her, around lunchtime, she is very excited to talk to him. “hey!” she answers enthusiastically with a smile on her face.

“Hey Mari, how are you? Are you also on your way to class?” Jaemin asks her through the phone. Mariposa answers, telling him she is just stepping out of the door, ready to get a drink and then go to class. “Do you maybe have time to answer a question I have? You know what I told you four days ago, right? So, even though you don’t have an answer to all my questions, just yet, my brothers want to get to know you better and are inviting you over to the house. So, do you want to come over after class?” Jaemin rambles, without pausing. It results in him being out of breath for a while, which gives Mariposa the time to think about her answer. Deep down she already knows, but after everything that she was told four days ago, she is not so sure anymore.

“Well you always spoke very highly about them, so I guess meeting them isn’t that bad. This however doesn’t mean that I know the answers to the questions you asked me four days ago,” Mariposa answers her boyfriend. Four days ago Jaemin told her about his life, turns out he is part of a mafia group called NeoCityTeam, or NCT for short. In relation to this, he also asked some questions about their relationship, but Mariposa could only answer one of those questions.

“I understand, I am just happy you are willing to meet them. Thank you so much Mari. I will see you in class, I am almost at the campus,” Jaemin happily answers and then ends the phone call. Nearby Mariposa steps outside of her dorm and crosses the street to the campus. Since there are ten minutes left before the start of class, Mariposa quickly makes her way to the cafeteria. In line for a coffee, she sees her friends Serenity and Precious, whom just like Jaemin follow the same course as she does. Precious waves and gestures Mariposa to stand in line with them, while Serenity orders an extra coffee for Mariposa. After getting their drink there are only three minutes left before the lecture starts, they need to hurry. So the three girls start running towards the lecture hall, once they arrive, the door is still open and they can quickly find a place to sit. Out of breath the girls ready their laptops to take notes. Mariposa turns around, scanning the people sitting in the class, after a little bit she finally recognizes Jaemin. He has died his hair again, this time it is a blueish colour.

“Why is Jaemin not sitting next to us?” Serenity wonders, whispering to Mariposa. Mari just shrugs her shoulders, she knows why, but she hasn’t told her friends about what happened yet. She doesn’t even know if she is allowed to tell them, which is way she hasn’t yet.

After two long hours of just listening to the teacher the lecture has finally ended. As she is getting her stuff and putting it in her backpack, she notices that Jaemin is waiting for her. It makes her smile, even though not everything has been solved, he does still want to be near her. “Hello, are you ready to go to my house?” Jaemin asks excitedly as he approaches Mariposa and her friends.

“Hello Jaemin, nice to see you too! How have you been? I have been good,” Serenity puts up a show, probably just because he didn’t sit with them during the lecture. Jaemin just snickers and then decides to play along. Explaining that he has been good as well, but just didn’t have the time to move his seat to sit next to you and that he is sorry. The four of them are walking towards the cafeteria again. “No problem, but what did you say just earlier. Are you guys finally going to your house Jaemin? You are finally introducing her to your big weird family?” Serenity wonders, sitting down at a table and opening up her backpack to get her lunch.

“Yes! I am so excited for Mariposa to finally meet my family. Today is the big day!”

“Guys, have fun! I am going to the library to study some more. Mari, keep me updated on how things are going tonight! I am curious to know more about Jaemin’s weird family tree,” Precious jokes, stealing a few pistachio’s from Serenity’s lunchbox and running away towards the library. Serenity tries to follow her, but quickly gives up as she notices the distance between them.

“We actually need to go, so enjoy your lunch Serenity. See you tomorrow!” Jaemin says, putting an arm around Mariposa and turning around. Mari turns her head around and yells goodbye to Serenity. Of they go, while Serenity quietly eats her lunch. Jaemin walks Mariposa towards the parking lot. Jaemin doesn’t have a driver’s license, so she is a bit confused as to why they would go here. “Kun is picking us up, so we don’t have to go with public transportation,” Jaemin explains while a big grey SUV enters the parking lot. “that must be him!”

The car stops right before the duo and the window at the passenger’s seat rolls down. “Your chauffeur is here,” the man behind the wheel jokes. Jaemin opens the backdoor and lets Mariposa goes in first. Like a real gentlemen she thinks. How can the Jaemin she knows be in the mafia? “Hello, my name is Kun. Who are you?” Kun questions Mariposa immediately. But before she can answer, Jaemin tells him her name and that she will join the dinner. “You know the girls have their monthly dinner tonight?” Kun asks Jaemin while driving off.

“No, really? It is finally happening again? They will want Mari to join, right?” Jaemin rambles on. Focused on the road Kun just answers with a single yes. “So Mari, do you maybe want to have dinner with all the women of the family? It is just something they try to host every month. They always speak very highly of it, but you don’t have to join.”

“It think it will be fun, getting to know them better as well!”

“So Mari, how was class?” Kun tries to keep the conversation flowing. Learning more about the girl that Jaemin brought along. They all know about some girl that is Jaemin’s girlfriend, but to be completely honest Kun always thought it was for the undercover story. But here she is, in his car, on their way to the Neo mansion. After driving some more, they pick up two other boys as well, as they get into the car they introduce themselves as Jeno and Yangyang. Yangyang is the hyperactive boy with pink hair, while Jeno is more quiet and has white hair. Jeno sits next to Jaemin on the backseat, while Yangyang sits on the passenger’s side. The whole route to the house, Yangyang talks about his classes and why the teacher was mad at him. With him talking so much, Mariposa starts to understand this teacher a bit better. He literally never shuts up. After a long big road with only trees on both sides a big house arises in front of the car. Mari is in awe of the size of the building. “So everyone, we are here. Jeno, Yangyang can go already. See you at dinner. Jaemin, we need to talk.” Kun start as everyone wants to leave the car. Jeno and Yangyang just run of, while Mariposa stays seated, grabbing Jaemin’s hand. “I will tell Taeyong about your impulsive decision, but you have to face Mark by yourself. Which I guess will be pretty soon, since Jeno and Yangyang know about it. Mariposa, if you have any questions about anything, don’t hesitate to ask them to me. Jaemin will probably show you around quickly. Afterwards you can join me in the kitchen if you want,” Kun explains and then leaves the car. This is your sign to also leave the car. Jaemin follows you and grabs your hand again. Kun drives the car towards, what Mariposa assumes is the garage.

“Don’t worry about a thing”

As they open the main entrance, another man is waiting. “Jaemin. Office. Now.” Jaemin just quietly nods and let’s go of Mariposa’s hand. He whispers that she should find Kun, he will be in the kitchen. Mariposa just looks around bewildered. She has no clue which way is towards the kitchen. The big hall she entered has two hallways, on to the left, on to the right, with a big dramatic staircase in the middle. It looks like the right hallway leads towards the garage, so Mariposa chooses the left hallway.

[tanknamedjunseok]

{{ time lapse, an nct time travel au

{{ 013 turn back time (1.5k)

the members of 127 learn the real reason behind winwin's betrayal.

(link)

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

all nct dream imagines can be found here- Mark and Haechan found on the 127 masterlist personal favorites are marked with ☆

last updated October 28, 2024

⭒˚｡⋆the newlywed miniseries⋆⭒˚｡⋆

Renjun

[6:47 pm] posted March 27, 2021

A surprise party for the birthday boy with kisses as a gift

you suck at crushes posted August 22, 2021

Renjun wants to help you get with Yangyang who wants to help you couple up with Renjun but they’re both annoying, maybe one less than the other

[5:11 pm] posted January 22, 2022

On your first date with Renjun you get distracted by his pretty eyes

[10:26 am] posted October 8, 2022

You thought Tsundere!Renjun didn’t like you so why is he cuddling you and making it impossible to get out of bed?

☆ [11:56 pm] posted March 12, 2023

You love your best friend, even when she’s throwing up outside a frat house, but you love her brother even more when he picks you both up

[10:14 am] posted October 7, 2023

Renjun would prefer to be awake with you but he can’t bring himself to wake you up himself so he does everything he can to get other factors to do it instead

[5:36 pm] posted January 27, 2024

Your friends find all the lingering touches and glances between you and Renjun to be annoying why won’t you confess?! Wait- did you guys just kiss?!

[4:02 pm] posted February 18, 2024

Renjun is unusually cute and clingy

Jeno

[3:28 pm] posted March 21, 2021

Prompt generator- Jeno can’t get enough kisses with you rose flavored lip balm

☆ [12:24 pm] posted November 16, 2021

Jeno calls you too often and is too comfortable

[8:51 am] posted April 18, 2022

Jeno is unusually cuddly, why?

☆ [3:43 pm] posted November 5, 2022

Making the bed is something that you and Jeno are supposed to do together, do you even want to be together?

[6:19 pm] posted April 2, 2023

You and Jeno have to work through some relationship issues due to him forgetting your anniversary

☆ [9:19 pm] posted July 8, 2023

When you don’t agree about this being you best time having sex, Jeno decides to imitate your moans to try and change your mind (MDNI)

[12:14 am] posted July 22, 2023

Jeno sleeps can only really sleep well when you scratch his back

☆ [9:33 pm] posted October 31, 2023

Jeno is much too tired to argue with his toddler who should be in bed after a long night of trick-or-treating

[8:41 pm] posted December 19, 2023

Jeno is a nervous dad who happens to get more nervous when your daughter is playing out in the snow 

[3:16 pm] posted February 10, 2024

Jeno would never admit that he likes your trashy reality show-did you watch the season premier without him?!

☆[9:16 am] posted July 14, 2024

Jeno tries to be cute and send you flowers, it's just a shame it wasn't a successful try

[8:53 pm] posted September 28, 2024

who knew a smoke alarm would lead to you meeting a cute fireman? (fireman!Jeno au)

[2:41 pm] posted October 13, 2024

dad!Jeno finds out his daughter has a crush on a boy... he doesn't react well

Jaemin

☆ mr. worst cup {College and Barista!au} posted April 4, 2021

Jaemin messes up your order and in turn messes up any chance at any sort of relationship with you (or so he thinks)

[2:38 pm] posted June 24, 2021

Some people just don’t like seeing you and Jaemin in love- lovesick they might argue

[4:16 pm] posted January 17, 2022

Jaemin is throwing a fit and you don’t care

[7:14 pm] posted July 15, 2022

You thought Jaemin hated strawberries more than he liked you

[2:37 pm] posted January 22, 2023

Jaemin would do anything for you and that includes running across town and buying you multiple bouquets when he hears you’ve had a bad day

[11:22 pm] posted February 19, 2023

A night out at the club was supposed to help you get over Fuckboy!Jaemin, not get in his bed

[3:41 pm] posted June 17, 2023

You and Barista!Jaemin kiss each other hello and goodbye much to your friends’ disgust- 00′s line cafe 7dream au

[8:02 pm] posted September 17, 2023

Jaemin has been clingy for days, good thing you can have your shower time for yourself, right? wrong.

[2:41 pm] posted October 14, 2023

pregnant!reader experiences a pregnancy scare and Jaemin comforts her

[9:18 pm] posted December 25, 2023

Your son can’t resist the Christmas tree, even less so when he finds out there’s a toy hidden somewhere beneath the tree

[7:09 pm] posted January 13, 2024

Your usually hyper daughter is playing with your cats so gently, why? She’s practicing for a baby you didn’t know about

[8:08 am] posted April 28, 2024

CEO!Jaemin walks his daughter to school

[8:04 am] posted June 1, 2024

you wake up to hear Jaemin and your daughter talking over the baby monitor

[1:11 am] posted October 18, 2024

husband!Jaemin likes it when you get upset with him?

Chenle

[2:51 pm] posted December 11, 2021

Did he just bite you? He just bit you

[3:13 am] posted September 26, 2022

College!Chenle decides to come over, joy… it’s not like you were sleeping or anything

☆[5:18 pm] posted May 13, 2023

Situationship!Chenle likes to steal your phone and make horrible pictures of you your new lockscreen, but your new lockscreen has him change his mind 

Jisung

[6:22 pm] posted November 27, 2021

You’re supposed to be there for a surprise! Why aren’t you there for the surprise?! Oh…

☆[3:56 pm] posted September 4, 2022

Did College!Jisung mean to kiss you while he was leaving?

[4:12 pm] posted August 12, 2023

Jisung comforts you after a stressful exam

☆[5:51 pm] posted June 29, 2024

You just took a pregnancy test and saw it said pregnant, what does Jisung mean "how did this happen?"

[svnoohe4rts]

I posted 620 times in 2022

That's 620 more posts than 2021!

435 posts created (70%)

185 posts reblogged (30%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@svnoohe4rts

@end-hyphen

@hee-pster

@iiousim

I tagged 547 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#mf heetiddies anon - 64 posts

#sage ; rants ! - 53 posts

#<3 anon - 36 posts

#❤️‍🩹 genie - 32 posts

#bed of lies - 28 posts

#sage ; feedback ! - 22 posts

#enhypen smut - 20 posts

#🌷 25dejulho - 20 posts

#sage ; reblog ! - 19 posts

#&lt;3 - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 90 characters

#like if someone i know in real life comes across this blog they'd immediately know it's me

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

GAME OVER ! ― lee heeseung

↳ PAIRING: lee heeseung x fembodied!reader

↳ SYNOPSIS: lee heeseung is good at one thing and one thing only; making other people's lives a living hell. you and lee heeseung first crossed paths in middle school when he asked you out, just to laugh in your face when you said yes; making you his new target. so it didn’t exactly come as a surprise to you when he started spreading rumors about you wanting to hook up with him back in high school; a rumor that still haunted you to this very day.

OR IN WHICH the two of you enter college and with his endless torment never coming to an end, you decide you’ve had enough. stripping him of the only thing he thrives on, you decide to take your revenge; that one rumor being the key to tearing his beloved reputation down.

↳ GENRE: enemies to lovers, college!au

↳ WARNINGS: alcohol consumption, cursing, angst, heeseung being an asshole most of the time, smut; oral sex, handjobs, unprotected sex, fingering, making out etc, minors dni!

↳ FEATURES: sungchan from nct, chenle from nct, enhypen hyung line, yunjin from le sserafim, chaeryeong from itzy

↳ TAGLIST: let me know if u wanna be added !

↳ A/N: with bed of lies coming to an end, i decided it was time to announce my upcoming project: game over ! super excited for this one & i hope u guys will enjoy it just as much &lt;3

See the full post

951 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#4

fuck buddies, park sunghoon x reader

↳ pairing: sunghoon x fembodied!reader

↳ word count: 5,5k

↳ summary: park sunghoon never meant to fall in love with his fuckbuddy, yet he did. ↳ a/n: oh my the ending is so rushed I’M SORRY …..

↳ warnings: smut! minors dni, choking, dom!sunghoon, sub!reader, curse words, names such as slut etc (lemme know if there’s more i should add)

See the full post

1,279 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

#3

GAME OVER ! ― part one

masterlist . . . next

↳ PAIRING: lee heeseung x fembodied!reader

↳ SUMMARY: by accidentally ruining heeseungs chances of getting laid, you slowly but successfully start tearing down his reputation. heeseung, however, isn’t going to let it pass that easily.  

↳ WORDCOUNT: 13,4k

↳ WARNINGS: alcohol consumption, brief mention of someone vomiting, smut! fingering, brief marking minors dni! let me know if there’s anything else i should add.

↳ TAGLIST:  @ktnblrz @ckline35 @bteeznation @amourhee @hoonicookies @aliensrme @deobitifull @sweetjaemss @heeswifeyy @mulligrubsss @han8ul​ @flower-lise​ @asyleums​ @jksecret @bwljules​ @heersheysblog​ @dearhee​ @25dejulho​ @loves0ft​ @sunghoonmybeloved​ @heesuengs @tokina​ @rikakhai​ @wonieeee​ @entiways @sunghoons-hand​ (the ones in bold could not be tagged)

See the full post

1,383 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#2

countertop, lee heeseung x reader

↳ pairing: heeseung x reader (college!au)

↳ word count: 2,2k

↳ summary: maybe going to the party jay had been talking about all week wasn’t as bad as heeseung had anticipated, thanks to you.

↳ a/n: god damn i need hee to fuck me against a bathroom countertop after writing this

↳ warnings: smut!, alcohol, drunk people

See the full post

1,871 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

bed of lies ; park sunghoon

↳ PAIRING: park sunghoon x fembodied!reader

↳ SUMMARY: to prove to his best friend that he could get any girl he wants, park sunghoon makes a bet. within the next 30 days, he has to make the next girl that walks into the room fall in love with him. sunghoon, however, hadn’t anticipated the feelings he would gain during those 30 days.

↳ GENRE: fake relationship (kind of)

↳ WORDCOUNT: around 40k

↳ WARNINGS: alcohol consumption, cigarettes, cursing, angst, sunghoon has major mommy issues lmfao, smut; oral sex, handjobs, unprotected sex, fingering, making out, handjobs etc, minors dni!

↳ TAGLIST: CLOSED !

See the full post

1,983 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[neowinestainedress]

I posted 561 times in 2022

That's 503 more posts than 2021!

464 posts created (83%)

97 posts reblogged (17%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@neowinestainedress

@matchahyuck

@kundann

@tyongblr

@multislut

I tagged 510 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#anon answered - 270 posts

#answered - 47 posts

#nct fanfiction - 43 posts

#writing updates - 39 posts

#nct smut - 34 posts

#feedback - 31 posts

#reblogs - 31 posts

#nct 127 smut - 28 posts

#nct fantasy au - 28 posts

#nct royal au - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#today i wrote something on the train coming back from my uni with five hours of sleep no food no water and brain fried bc of the exam

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Jaemin + Bulge kink 💀⚰️🥀

trying to use the second person for these let’s see how long i last

w!: bulge kink (+ size kink, cockwarming)

Jaemin’s extremely touchy. His hands are always all over your body on any occasion and even more when it comes to sex, so I think the first time he realizes he can feel and see his cock through you would be completely casual.

He’s just too busy holding you tight and running his hands on your tummy when he feels it and that awakens something in him. It’s the way you look so small compared to him, and it makes him realize how much you take every time he fucks you and he would be so amazed by your body.

And from then on he can’t stop making you notice it and fucking you deeper and at the right angle so he can see your tummy bulge even more.

He loves when he’s fucking you senseless in missionary and all that’s filling your brain is him and the way his cock fills your pussy perfectly.

“Look, baby. Look at how I was made just for you,” Jaemin coos while pressing his hand on your tummy, and making you feel even more how he drags in and out of you. And you can do nothing but feel him so deep inside of you, fascinated at how you can see his cock move.

But since he’s so touchy, I also think he’d be into cockwarming. He’d dress you into a pretty skirt and a crop top, making you sit on his dick while you watch a movie. And he’d just love to occasionally push his hand down on your belly, once again highlighting the way he reaches so deep into you.

“That’s right, baby. Keep my cock warm and then you’ll get a reward.”

1,168 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

#4

can i request a nasty and messy jaemin drabble where reader is so cock drunk on jaemin and jaemins sooo pussy drunk so they just fuck each other like animals and both r just shaking from overstim and then jaemin wanna pull out so bad but he just cant stop fucking himself inside reader and then reader just weakly say dont stop and ruts on jaemins cock too even if shes sensitive HEHDJDJSHHWHDDHJD

w!: rough sex, overstimulation, cum play/eating (i’m sorry but if you say pussy drunk!jaemin i take it literally), oral sex (f), minor praises

a/n: i'm sorry to you too for writing this later than usual but this concept is soo good (if i say jaemin and haechan certified best pussy eaters what do you say? you agree) i didn't want to rush it. i hope you'll like it!!

You and Jaemin can’t take your hands off each other. It’s like an addiction. Probably it can even be considered fucked up in strangers’ eyes, but neither of you two care. 

“Jaem, fuck,” you moan, eyes squeezed close, burning cheek pressed against the bedsheets as he keeps fucking into you. You lost count of how long you have been going on or how many times he made you come. But the almost unbearable temperature in the room and the sounds coming from between your legs are good indicators that you two have been going at it for hours. 

“I just want to eat you out,” Jaemin pleaded, big brown eyes fluttering at you. It started like this, lips latched on your wet core, sucking and licking as if he was feeding off of you. You truly believed he was pussy drunk, but you couldn’t blame him when you felt the same for him. You were hoping to get a taste of his cock, too, but Jaemin had no intention of giving it to you, not like that, at least. So, the second orgasm came with his fingers, pumping into you, getting you wetter and weaker. 

And now you are pressed under him, ass up and face down, as his hips thrust deep and hard into you, overstimulating you to the point that you can feel tears at the corner of your eyes. 

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good,” Jaemin groans, his nails sinking in your skin, as he drives his cock into you, pushing your body down on the mattress more. 

You can’t even talk anymore, only moan and let him do whatever he wants with you. 

“C-close,” you whimper, squeezing more tears out of your eyes, vision going white as the nth orgasm rippled out of you. 

“You feel too good,” he groans as he comes, staring in awe as his eyes are stuck where your bodies meet, seeing — other than just feeling — how your pussy clenches around his cock. “Can’t get enough of you. I — fuck — I can’t.” 

“Don’t stop,” you beg, opening your eyes and turning your head back to look at his wrecked face. He already fucked you in any possible position, so you don’t know how he has the strength for more. You don’t know how you have the strength for more. But you want more. You need it. “Please, keep — keep fucking me.”  

Another loud groan escapes his lips before he flips you over, making you face him, and his cock ease into your swollen, dripping hole again. 

You know he’s just as sensitive as you now, cock throbbing and his moans are higher and whinier, typical of when he’s pushing himself over the limit. And yours are not much different, low, whiny whimpers and cries, as your hips buck for more, not caring that you’re so sensitive your body starts shaking, and your hands keep his body close to yours. 

It is too much. 

But none of you can get enough. 

Too drunk and lost in each other to stop. 

“Fuck, fuck,” you moan when you feel close to the edge again and his thrusts get sloppier, his arms almost not supporting him anymore as he slowly leans closer to you, forehead falling against your shoulder as you come at the same time. 

You stay like this for a while, taking deep breaths to come down from the high with your hands wrapped around his shoulders and him kissing your neck. 

“Wait, I’ll clean you up,” he huffs when he pulls away from you.  

“Jaemin, what —” The words stop in your brain when his lips are once again on your pussy. You’re so sensitive that you can’t help but whimper and cry because it’s too much, but it also feels too good and you don’t even know what you want. 

But he doesn’t stop, he keeps licking you clean, humming against your skin as if he’s getting served Gods’ food. And you should hate how dirty it is, but you don’t, you don’t mind the lewd sounds he’s making, slurping loudly and sucking harshly, you don’t mind his moans, you don’t even mind that you can barely take the last orgasm when it hits harder than the ones before. 

“Good girl,” Jaemin praises, trailing your skin and reaching your lips. “Shh, shh, it’s fine,” he reassures you, caressing your shaking body as he kisses your lips again. “You did so well, baby.” 

You hum before all the emotions take over you, and you fall asleep in his hold. 

Knowing that once you woke up, you two would’ve started again. 

1,549 notes - Posted September 12, 2022

#3

wrapped around your fingers | lee jeno

title: wrapped around your fingers

pairing: CEO!lee jeno x fem!oc/reader (no name, no descriptions, third person) | mentioned: na jaemin

genre: smut, CEO!au, established relationship, fluff (if you squint) | requested

summary: Jeno finds out he has his girlfriend wrapped around his fingers... well, in a way he doesn’t quite expect.

warnings: smut, office sex, fingering (with rings on), oral sex (m receiving), dirty talk, praise kink, teasing, orgasm denial, minor impact play (pussy slaps), orgasm control, multiple orgasms, vibrator, light bdsm (spreader bars), squirting, rough sex, mirror sex, fingers sucking, hair pulling, hand around the throat (not chocking), minor cum play, aftercare, dom!jeno, bratty-sub!oc/reader

words: 8.009k

a/n: that’s what happens when you make me write about my strongest weakness. Hope you enjoy it. Let me know with comments, reblogs or asks!! | credits for the picture © somnia

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2,291 notes - Posted August 27, 2022

#2

rock, paper, scissors

title: rock, paper, scissors

pairing: suh johnny x jeong jaehyun x lee jeno x na jaemin x fem!oc/reader (no name used, written in third person) 

genre: smut, basically pwp, best friends!au

summary: five friends rent a house together for a few weeks to enjoy summer like they used to do when they were younger, thinking that nothing could change their friendship. But teasing leads to pent-up tension and tension leads to problems. Problems that can’t be fixed by playing ‘rock, paper, scissors’ like when they were young.

warnings: smut, sexual tension, implied masturbation, unprotected sex, fivesome, (not discussed) dom/sub dynamics, fingering (f), rimming (f), oral (m), double penetration, spit roasting, rough sex, dirty talk, degradation, praise, minor choking, anal sex (f receiving), spitting, light hair pulling, size kink, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, minor orgasm control, minor dumbification, (hard) dom!johnny, dom!jaehyun, (hard) dom!jeno, dom!jaemin, sub!oc/reader, filth just pure filth. 

words: 11.765k

a/n: the 4J smut nobody asked for is here. I think I struggle writing things with no emotions so this one was pretty much a challenge for me, but I hope it’s not too bad and you’ll enjoy it. I made it sound deep in the summary but the ‘problems’ are just them being horny. Let me know what you think with comments, reblogs or asks. ♡

taglist: @wooyoung4eva @jenoxygen @sunshinedhyuck @kundann @jaeymark

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2,801 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

can you handle it?

title: can you handle it?

pairing: suh johnny x jeong jaehyun x lee jeno x na jaemin x fem!oc/reader (no name, written in third person)

genre: smut, pwp, best friends!au

summary: Johnny drags her wildest fantasies out of her mouth, or to be more precise, out of her phone. But can she handle it?

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, fivesome, masturbation (f), oral sex (f&m), sex toys, (heavy) degradation, praises, dirty talk, orgasm denial/control, blindfold, anal (f), spit roasting, double penetration, blackmail (it’s a roleplay that starts halfway through, so no, she’s not really being blackmailed, 100% consensual), size kink, free use (kinda?? it’s more like a mentioned fantasy), squirting, fingers sucking, spitting, size kink, bulge kink, overstimulation, dacryphilia, dumbification, aftercare, mentions of breeding kink, (hard) dom johnny, dom Jaehyun, (hard) dom jeno, dom jaemin, sub!oc/reader | lmk if i missed something

word count: 12.400k

a/n: a gift for the 1k followers (thank you again, ily♡) because if I’m going to hell you’re coming with me. another adventure of them (you don’t have to read it to understand this)

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2,913 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theficblog]

I posted 452 times in 2022

That's 452 more posts than 2021!

311 posts created (69%)

141 posts reblogged (31%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@neocatharsis

@kimteume

@yutaslaugh

@hyunjins-fat-gf

I tagged 446 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#my big sis - 85 posts

#chip - 38 posts

#nct ff - 36 posts

#doyoung - 35 posts

#ash - 34 posts

#jaehyun - 31 posts

#jeno - 31 posts

#anon - 27 posts

#ten - 25 posts

#nct fluff - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 101 characters

#first things first ive heard step back for the music not the menaing before y'all cancel me lolololol

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

BACK TOGETHER

LEE HAECHAN

Prologue: You end up in the same bed with your ex-boyfriend Haechan. Will things take a turn to go back to the good old stage?

Genre: Suggestive + Exes to Lovers AU

Wordcount: 922

Prompts: “What.. what’s happening? + “I’m actually kinda offended, that you didn’t ask me to be your fake date.”

Warnings: Suggestive content

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348 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#4

UNBLOCK YOUR HEART

LEE HAECHAN

Prologue: Haechan wants you to unblock his number, he is annoying you again. You thought you hated him before something steamy took place.

Genre: Smut + Enemies to lovers + Student AU

Wordcount: 1,161

Prompts: “Did you block my number again?” + “Well.. this is awkward.”

Warnings: Sexual Content [ make out + riding + edging + climax ] Language

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363 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#3

REDEMANCY

JEON JUNGKOOK

Prologue: What was supposed to be mini date turned out to be an argument. You tried to hold you emotions until you couldn't

Genre: Angst + Established relationship AU + Idol boyfriend Jungkook

Wordcount: 1,287

Warnings: Language + Mentions of camsex + Crying

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442 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

#2

CULPABILITY

JEONG JAEHYUN

Prologue: Running into your ex at a party and catching leering feelings for him promises one very good night

Genre: Smut + Angst + Ex boyfriend Jaehyun

Wordcount: 1,137

Warnings: Sexual Content [ make out + stripping + climax + nudity ] 

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552 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

YOU KNOW I HATE THIS

JEONG JAEHYUN

Prologue: Being wedded to a mafia boss isn't easy, and neither is being pregnant while under high levels of stress.

Genre: Angst + Established relationship AU + Fluff + Mafia AU

Wordcount: 1,062

Prompts: If you die, I’m gonna kill you.” + “There’s blood everywhere.”

Warnings: Blood + Pregnancy

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603 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[neo-shitty]

— content creator year in review.

note. i haven’t seen this tag game circulating for this year yet so i might as well kick-start it. it’s one of the tag games i actually enjoyed doing : ] tagging. @lixesque @chogiwow @rrxnjun @sulfurcosmos @straykats @petrichor-han and everyone else who wants to do this :3

First creation and most recent creation of 2022: i do distinctly remember that, amidst my big wips leftover from 2021, try hard (skz, jisung) was the first fic i wrote and finished on 2022. i haven’t been keeping an accurate track of when i created which fics so i’m going by when i posted them. latest was knuckle-deep (skz, hyunjin)

One of your favourite creations from 2022: SLOW DANCING IN A BURNING ROOM (nct, haechan) !!!! oh i enjoyed writing this i was immersed for DAYS. and i’m so happy that it turned out the way i wanted it too and i didn’t end up hating the track i used as inspiration w/c usually happens with fics i work on for days straight.

One creation you’re really proud of: must i really pick one 😢 hmm, meet me where the flowers are (skz, hyunjin) bc i managed to shape this story into something that’s relevant outside of its fictional guise.

A creation that took you forever: no longer human (nct, jaemin) was the last big project i worked on HAHA and seeing as it took me until the next year to finish just shows how long it was in the works 😂

A creation from 2022 that received the most notes: oh my god. do i wanna know (nct, jeno). this fic was initially written for another idol and that simple switch when i reposted this multiplied my note count 10x. unbelievable.

A creation you think deserved more notes: *cracks knuckles* there are actually a lot this year! i don’t mean to expect receiving more but i just hoped that they would :( but in the end, i liked them so to hell with what other ppl think <3 — here comes the sun (ateez, san), ten feet deep still sinking (nct, mark), safety pin (skz, changbin), chevron signs (skz, felix), the lonely hearts club (skz, seungmin)

A new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: no new fandoms for me this year :( i actually stopped writing for others.

A creation you made that breaks your heart: out of everything i’ve written there were two hard-hitters because they were cut from my own skin <3 really was in my tortured artist era this year, there were no works unless i was suffering <3 the lonely hearts club (skz, seungmin) bc i cried thinking of the concept of this story and chevron signs (skz, felix) bc that’s just about the limit of how i’m able to express how my over-independence might kill me someday.

A ‘simple’ creation that you really love: ahhhhh, can’t i just say i like you (nct, haechan). i wrote this in one sitting feeling all fuzzy over the song i used as inspo for this :(

A creation that was inspired by another one: ten feet deep still sinking (nct, mark) !! inspired from stephen sanchez’ the pool w/c i will never tire of !! oh and of course, rick riordan’s pjo series bc this mark’s character is literally percy. this would pass as percy fanfiction actually!

A favourite creation created by someone else: your memory, my love by @chogiwow i’m yet to reread it i know but my mind wanders to it so much :(( esp after i watched eeaao :((

Some of your favourite content creators from this year: @rrxnjun​ @chogiwow @tyonfs @lixesque @inktae @luvdsc @jungkxook @petrichor-han @neonun-au i haven’t read much this year but i’m glad i stumbled upon your works 💗