#nami likes to take you shopping actually and sanji and zoro are jealous because of it

[ieathumanorgans]

Vinsmoke Sanji/Roronoa Zoro with a poc male reader

warnings: sfw/slightly suggestive/poly relationship/sanji being the lovebug he may be and zoro having to deal with it/zoro loves you too but doesn’t show it in public/you kinda knock them out in the beginning/slight swearing/you’re a strong black man who zoro and sanji have no chance winning against/kinda ooc/horribly written. - strictly for male poc readers.

n: ooc / please i wanted to write for one piece so bad but haven’t really had the time to. i also dyed my hair like two days ago so blonde really blends with my caramel skin 😭

Great. Not only that you’re zoro’s boyfriend but, you’re also sanji’s boyfriend. Sanji is the one boyfriend who does PDA and he does it ALOT. Zoro on the other hand likes to be alone with you because PDA isn’t his cup of tea. Sometimes, you have to teach these two how to get along with a little two piece.

Sanji, the man who swore he’d marry you one day was now arguing with zoro, the man who is your boyfriend but, barely anyone knows that because he called him Mr. Nosebleed. Great. You just wanted them to help you with your hair while you read the book you burrowed from robin but now they want to argue. I guess it’s time for you to teach them a lesson or two. You got up from your seat and calmly walked over to sanji and zoro. You had the calmest smile on your face before you raised both of your fists and hit zoro and sanji on the head. “Can’t you two get along for one second!” You beckered at them. Of course, they wouldn’t respond because you knocked them out. You then sighed, you’d have to be the one to take them to the boy’s room now that they were out cold. After a few good silent hours you sat there in the boy’s room reading your book while you await for them to awake. What broke your attention from your book was a silent grumble from the two. You stood up, happily, sitting the book that you were reading down on the table next to you. “Are you two awake now?” You asked as you stared at zoro who was already sitting up. “You didn’t have to hit me like that, Y/N..” Zoro said as he rubbed his head against his hand. Now, you felt kinda bad, “..you two have to get along, you know..I love you both but, sometimes i have to use my f*cking fists to keep you both in check.” Zoro looked at you with a wide eye before he laughed. Zoro knew he didn’t have a chance winning against you so, he didn’t want to test your patience. “Do you want a kiss for your booboo, though?” You asked zoro with a smile to which zoro smiled back with a slight nod. You scooted yourself into zoro’s lap so you could run your fingers through his hair and kiss his head. Though, you weren’t that selfish so you wanted sanji to have some love as well. You reached your other hand over to stroke sanji’s hair until he woke up. “Morning, my chef~” You said as sanji sat up and stretched his arms. “Good morning, Mi Amor!” Sanji said as he looked at you with his signature heart eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh at him. You found that cute unlike zoro, he found it annoying. You got up from zoro’s lap but before you left him, you gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You guys wanna get drinks? On me, as an apology..” You said, causing sanji and zoro to look at each other then they both nodded. So, you and sanji and zoro sat at the nearby bar and drunk for hours and hours until you three had to be brought back to the thousand sunny by franky since you were drunk off your asses. You ended up having a drunk makeout with sanji in the bathroom of the bar. “Sanji..” You let out a small whimper as sanji’s tongue glided across your neck. You were trapped under sanji’s embrace for a while until the bathroom door opened to reveal zoro standing there. “You guys havin’ fun without me?” Then zoro and sanji are ended up topping you before franky came to get you three.

“They really had too many drinks in there..” franky brought you all in the boy’s room with the help of robin who carried you on her back. “Well, Y/N had something else in mind.” Robin laughed softly to which franky laughed along as well.

[luffyvace]

Nami x female reader ☆

This gif is so high quality?! And she looks so beautiful here⁉️⁉️😍

I’m writing this with anime nami not opla but I just had to use this gif 😋

shopping w her WILL take hours!

not that you mind! It’s fun!

you guys laugh, make jokes, buy snacks and try on clothes

you two hype each up and “no! Your butt looks fine in those jeans!”

you two are fashion icons

anyone who says otherwise is jealous~

sometimes you do fun challenges where you buy each other clothes and see if you like them

(You always do)

if your silly like luffy/usopp

she doesn’t get as annoyed with you as she with those two but she still scolds you

at least you don’t get hit 🤷‍♀️

”WHY are you going along with those two MORONS’ plans?!”

”why not namiii? It’s fun, you should join us!”

*huffs and turns to get robin instead* “Robiiiin! Could you help me raise the sails?”

your more likely to convince her to goof off than luffy and usopp so they always make you do it

and sometimes she goes with it!

only because she loves you and your silly little smile 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😒(😊)

if your a more serious person though she low key appreciates that!

and by that I mean the fact that you are sane

you might’ve got together because your romantic

like as in you know how to go on an actual date and don’t have a nut for a brain 💖

you buy her paper and pens as gifts

and also clothes!

especially after pirate payday 😉😋👌

you guys likely talk about your past together and if you were there for hers you comfort her

vise versa as well if you joined after her

If your an affectionate person she doesn’t mind but she lowkey prefers to be in private

like little kisses, linking arms and hugs are more than fine (as long as you don’t overdue it)

but being straight up sappy?

no.

That’s not how she rolls..

if you have a lot of energy…..

”calm down y/n! Enough with the kisses!”

”okay okay! Not now!”

never in a mean way or anything

Just do this later will you?! ��

Stress Sunday <3

where you both vent your feelings to each other weekly (or monthly if chaotic circumstances happen-)

this started because Nami’s stubborn independence and somewhat wack communication skills (LOL)

you initiated it

she agreed because she needed it more than she wanted to admit and knew that

mostly just strawhat stress (luffy, usopp, chopper, sanji and zoro)

you guys go in the girls room, the aquarium (if luffy and usopp ain’t there) or the library on every Sunday you can

you guys talk about the past a lot (as well as some of the straw hats as well)

you both welcome robin with open arms if she wants to join too !!

she pours tea or lemonade and serves the snacks sanji made!

she’s an excellent advisor so listen up👂‼️

doing/washing each other’s hair is a thiiiiiingg!!! 💥💥💥

it’s so relaxing and goes hand in hand with stress Sunday 😍

you both take turns scrubbing the luffys and headaches away

really massaging the scalp and making the other melt in comfort 💗💥💗💥

then you put it up in a cute style for the day/night

and btw when this happens it’s it RELAX time

which means it doesn’t matter if the ship is sinking, flying or doing back flips the navigator is OFF limits

Whatever the straw hats do just don’t let zoro take charge 🤷‍♀️

Nami’s love languages are quality time and some gift giving<33

quality time doesn’t have to be special

as the one who enforces peace around the merry/sunny she appreciates any quiet she can get with you

although a refreshing hot spring/beach date would be ideal….

again it can just be doing simple things;

walking on a new island (that’s not chaotic)

reading

creating maps while you do your hobbies in the same room

watching the ocean/sunset

chatting and eating lunch

all of those little things matter to her 💛

for gift giving 💝

It depends if you like flashy materialistic things or gifts with deep meaning

for flashy gifts she gets you luxurious dresses/suits (if your a more masculine female)

lots of rings

anything of the highest quality for your hobbies

your a writer? A pen that doesn’t hurt your fingers just for you! :)

a artist? Lots and lots of high quality paint!

for more sentimental gifts it’s bracelets with your birthstones

pictures of previous vacations you enjoyed

she’d honestly prob still get you stuff for your hobbies too

and tangerines 🍊🧡

you being a female doesn’t fluster her much or anything

she’s quite content before and after she realizes she loves you/when you start dating

if anyone wants to insult you they can try it-

it’ll only land them in a world full of hurt

and by that I mean Nami’s version of fist of love 😜

Robin is your biggest supporter

Luffy is like the most carefree guy ever

if anything you’ll get a “huhhh?? nami why are you dating a girl?”

😬😒 ✊ 💥💥

he never mentions it again..

zoro really doesn’t care

none of his business 🤷‍♀️

usopp supports! He’s aware of lgbtq+ and doesn’t mind at all<3

sanji is………utterly crushed and disappointed….(ROBIN-CHWAAAAAN~ [he’s going to vent and plead for her love])

chopper is a reindeer….so once you explain it he’s okay with it! c:

franky also knows about lgbtq+ and is probably one.. supports!

brook (♡) is educated and has no qualms<3

(dudes’ like 90 how could he not know?)

jinbei knows what lesbians are, he supports!

for the record if you tell luffy that two girls liking each other = lesbian = lgbtq+ = the thing bon clay is = queer…..he might get it !!

LOL

;3 -Brook

[blacklegsanjiii]

This is genuinely over a single line in another ask you answered about warlord!ichiji where you offhandedly mentioned he might dress like Hancock but my mind went and ran with it .

You have Sanji, who as he grew up, figured out he likes to wear suits the most often. They make him look elegant and feel clean. It ends up being kind of his signature look. And then you have Ichiji, who grew up much the same and also ended up with a sort of signature look, except he settles for long skirts and fancy tops, much more influenced by their mom and less by their dads. Overall, Ichiji and Sanji actually end up with a similar vibe to their outfits , which makes them feel like the twins they are, but they’re also distinct and unique looks for both of them that set them apart. They like looking like a matching set.

The more they grow up the more their parents comment on the similarity , and I like to think they throw it back in their faces all the time. After all , these were people that were surprised to hear they were twins when they first got adopted due to their size difference. It’s funny to mess with them that way.

- Wine

First of all, good to see you again, Wine!

Second of all, how dare you be funnier than me? I am ruined by this. I figured the suit was Baratie uniform but nope! It has to be Crocodile and Mihawk's doing. It has to be. They probably have some event as Warlords coming up where attendance is mandatory lest their bounties be unfrozen so they take the twins shopping. Sanji is looking at suit pieces and Ichiji is following Hancock around to look at skirts and tops. Crocodile picks out the pieces that will fit together for Sanji's suit but Mihawk is the one who puts in the aesthetic work. Jimbei and Doffy are watching and giving them opinions. The twins match aesthetically but they are their own person and you can see it in the way they dress themselves. Sanji probably has issues with skin showing which is why he wears suits, the dungeon and the bugs and everything, where as Ichiji like the movement of the skirts and tops he wears. Unstifled by royal clothes and training outfits. They're probably like eleven when this is happening. At the event everyone calls them adorable and such and doesn't believe their twins until their parents say they can't believe it either. Ichiji and Sanji share looks every time this is said.

As the years go by you can definitely tell they're twins. They look so similar and have almost the same mannerisms, despite their differing fashion choices they still look very much alike and they match, the patterns, the accents, the colors. Everyone is supportive of them and mentions their similarities and the twins throw it back in their faces that, outside of Mihawk - who still had his doubts, that they didn't believe they're twins. Like it's a whole thing and they do throw it back in their parents faces all the time. Especially when they're older and before Sanji sets off.

It'd also be hilarious if after years of not seeing each other they're still dressed in their style, having not really ever differed from it, which shocks the crew. They see the brothers, and they know they have other siblings, everyone does, Mihawk said it when he brought them to the first meeting. Hancock is of course cooing over her boys and Luffy. Luffy is annoyed because he's dating Sanji, or the East Blue Polycule is a thing and Zoro and Nami are being jealous and being touchy and Usopp using this as an excuse to keep an arm around his boyfriend. Ichiji and Sanji probably switch clothes at some point, for funsies. Ichiji's clothes are too big for Sanji and Sanji's too small for Ichiji, but they planned for this and did buy clothes for each other at some point to do this. Because they would because it would be funny and drive their parents up the wall. So they walk out to see everyone and Hancock chokes on her drink and Mihawk pinches the bridge of his nose. Jimbei is laughing so hard as Usopp is biting a wrench and Nami has snapped her quill as Robin lets out a wolf whistle at them.

"Did you two plan this?" Crocodile asks with amusement.

"Do you believe we're twins now?" They ask in tandem which makes Crocodile switch to anger quickly and Jimbei lose it even more.

"Have we not made it clear that we believe you? The first meeting I brought you both I said you were the dead princes of Germa." MIhawk groans.

"Our children are menaces." Hancock sighs.

"We were raised by pirates." Ichiji points out.

"Can either of you even fight?" Mihawk asks and then regrets it as Sanji leaps into a sky walk and Ichiji starts firing lasers at his younger brother.

"Menaces." Crocodile seethes as the brothers continue to fight in their own way.

[onamitaro]

Nami as y/n’s girlfriend

hi hello, i wrote some head canon for nami as y/n’s girlfriend. hope yall like it whbsis

You’re the only person she would spend, almost, all her money on.

Fancy restaurants dates 🥺

Surprises you with random gifts.

Remembers all important dates. And if you forgot one, she gets upset.

Posts a lot of snapchat/instagram stories with/about you.

You’re her phone wallpaper.

Likes to paint nails with you, do face masks, skin care, hair and everything that includes self care.

Makes sure you eat and drink enough water.

Whenever you’re sad, she’s the first that comforts you.

Wants a lot of attention. If you don’t give it to her she acts grumpy all day.

Cuddles >>> s3x

S3x >>> video games

Sends you a lot of relatable memes about you, her, your relationship and your friends.

Tea parties with Usopp, Robin, Brook and Sanji 😩

Double/Triple dates with the Sauso, Frobin, Zolawlu, Sanlu, Zosan, Sanlaw, Usolu and literally every strawhats ships.

May start an actual poly relationship with the other sh (strawhats), but i’ll leave head canons about it for later.

Always on vacation every summer because she loves summer.

Expensive gifts on christmas and birthday :3

Breakfast dates 😠

Good morning and goodnight texts are essential.

“Love you 🧡”

Sleepovers uwjziwn

Very jealous tbh

Mental breakdowns on how gorgeous you are.

“IWBSOABSUWJOJA”

“DIQIBSUSJWISBXIXJWKW”

Gives you her phone without hesitation if asked.

“[Meme] this u?”

“This ain’t some wattpad bs 🙄✋🏻”

Uses 😂😍🤪😎🤩😏😠😱😰🤔🤭😪🤢 a lot but ironically, of course.

“PLEASEXOWNSUWJS 😭💀✋🏻”

“Nice ass”

You: 🧍🏻

“I don’t wanna speak to you anymore”

“Okay, fine”

You close the chat

Her after one minute: [Spams your phone]

After a fight she comes at your place to cuddle.

“🙄✌️”

Uses cute pet names for you like “darling”, “honey”, “babe” and all

But also “bro”, “dude”, “bitch”

Gossip 😗

Randomly enters your room and goes

“Zoro is a hoe”

Is the first to like your posts in any social media.

(Has the notifications on 💀)

Slides in your dms like

“Hey there hottie 😍 you single? 😏”

Dark humor jokes 😭

For uterus owners:

“I don’t want kids ew”

You: My period is late

“Omg are you pregnant? i’ll take care of our baby even tho they’ll own me money”

“Oh wait we’re queers”

“ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?”

Again you:🧍🏻

Alternative ending:

You: My period is late

“Yeetus the fetus”

Y’all made each other a playlist with songs that reminded yall of the other

“Do you like me?”

“Nami, im literally proposing”

“Ok, but do you?”

Matching outfitsss

Everywhere kisses

At least 8 hours of facetime ✋🏻

Someone random hits on you

“Ayo thats my bitch”

When she’s sad, she just come ups to you and hugs you without saying anything. The when she’s more comfortable she starts to talk about what happened.

Robin makes fun of you two making yall blush fufu ;)

Nojiko cant wait for you two to get married.

Hand h*lds 👉👈

Send you paragraphs on how much she loves you and how lucky she is to have you in her life at 3 am.

She has a folder in her gallery with only of pics of you/related to you.

“I want to cuddle 😠”

She gets a lot of butterflies whenever something involves you/with you.

Y’all both big simps 😪

Snaps you a lot

“Send nudes”

“Or just selfie”

“Or both”

Shopping dates.

She pays.

You pay.

Arguing on who pays.

At the end of the day yall pay for each other lol

“Wake up i want to eat breakfast in ft”

“Can we get a pet please? 🥺”

“No”

“Fuck you, y/n. I do what i want!”

She did get the pet.

That’s all for now 😭✌️

also take a doodle of nami and y/n

[yukipri]

On the Baratie, Part 5 Epilogue - a One Piece Mermaid AU Text Story

Here’s the final part of the Baratie series!

Includes my personal headcanons for Thatch’s backstory in this AU (and possibly canon, as I doubt we’ll learn much more about him sigh).

WARNINGS (actual warnings this time):

＊Trigger warnings for non-graphic violence, gore, unwilling self-harm, mention of thoughts of suicide, and body horror. Canon-typical dark backstory.

Slight ship warnings for: minor Sanji x Luffy, Thatch x Luffy, hint of bg Sabo x Luffy, but not ship-focused.

Continues off of past parts!

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 1

👒🐟On the Baratie, Prologue

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 2

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 3

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 4

~~

They've been traveling together for a while now. With more additions to the crew, Sanji's no longer the newest member. They leave East Blue, crossing over to the Grand Line. Their voyage continues onward.

Fitting into his role as the second cook of the ASL Pirates was easier than Sanji could have ever hoped, and he knows it's largely due to Thatch. Thatch, who, for all his incredible skill and titles and history, turns out to be...a remarkably normal person. It takes less than an hour for Sanji's awe over Thatch being his childhood idol to turn into pure indignation when the other cook professes his love for Luffy, and now their daily proposals to Luffy with food are just part of routine on the Merry.

(Sanji still knows his cooking is amateur in comparison to Thatch's, but none of their crew seems to realize, and Luffy eats all their food with equal gusto. Even Thatch himself only ever compliments Sanji, often with ridiculous faux outrage that Sanji's cooking looks better, which is absolutely false, Sanji would know. But even so, the man sounds so genuinely offended that Sanji can't help but appreciate the lengths the older man will go to in order to keep Sanji from feeling inferior.)

It's during a rare moment of calm, when the skies are clear and Deuce and Nami seem relaxed about their progress, when Sanji decides there's never going to be a better time to ask. He finishes washing the last of the pastry plates from the desserts the crew had just finished devouring (his hands momentarily pause on a plate that Ace had to pull out of Luffy's throat when she swallowed it whole along with the pastry, and Sanji allows himself a moment of imagining that the plate with her slobber is somewhat like an indirect kiss...), before he exits the kitchen to go to his locker.

From the locker, buried beneath gravure magazines of buxom ladies whose beauty will never compare to Luffy's, he pulls out a magazine far more valuable to him, the only one of its kind that he'd brought with him from the Baratie.

Back up on the main deck, Sanji finds Thatch sitting by the mast while watching Luffy and Usopp play with some new contraption the latter made. He looks up when he senses Sanji's approach, grimacing when the movement makes the wind blow his now loose hair into his mouth.

"I need a hair tie if Marco's not going to send me my damn hair wax," Thatch complains, even as he pats the ground next to him for Sanji to sit.

"You could always ask our lovely navigator," Sanji grunts as he drops down, careful not to fold the magazine, which Thatch has yet to notice.

"Ah, beautiful Miss Nami might have one, but her hair's pretty short...honestly more likely Deuce'll have one." Thatch sulks, because he'd really rather get a hair tie from a pretty lady, but as it is, Thatch probably has the longest hair on the crew at the moment, followed by their first mate. "If only our ladies had longer hair...ah, my darling Seastar with long hair..."

Sanji lets himself get drawn into imagining their most dazzling Lady Captain leaning against the rail of the Merry, sunlight sparkling off the waves in the background paling in comparison to her radiance. Her face is shadowed by her trademark straw hat, before she raises her head, causing long, silky strands to ripple around her like dark angel wings, glittering threads of black diamond dancing across her cheeks before she tucks them behind her ear with a small smile--

Both cooks sigh dreamily in perfect unison.

"Hey Luffy, they're thinking somethin' pervy about you again!" Usopp shouts in the background.

Both cooks ignore him, likewise in perfect synch.

Thatch regretfully pulls out of his Luffy Vision first. "So, you got something to talk to me about?" He knows it can't be about dinner, because they'd already started prepping for that.

Sanji blinks, and oh, there's Luffy, with her short hair, still just as lovely, probably doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous, but that's okay because Sabo's stepping in, and the Revolutionary may be batshit crazy but he won't let Luffy hurt herself--and right, he wanted to talk to Thatch.

He carefully brings the magazine out in front of him, and Thatch leans over curiously. The pages easily fall open to the column, remembering the page Sanji poured over countless times. Sanji hears Thatch's breath hitch.

"This you?" Sanji asks, looking at the faded photo of the smiling boy, before his eyes flick to Thatch.

The older man's eyes are wide, glued to the page. Sanji wordlessly offers him the magazine, and Thatch slowly takes it, his hands handling the paper carefully as though worried it'll crack.

"Yeah, that's me alright," Thatch murmurs, eyes scanning the column before his lips twist into a wry smile. "How the hell did you get your hands on this fossil?"

"Found it while we were looking for stuff for the Baratie's collection, some old second hand shop," Sanji says, and it's not a lie, but it's not like he can admit he was obsessed with them and actually hunted for them after obtaining the first ones.

Thatch makes a low sound of understanding, before he starts flipping through the rest of the magazine, pages that Sanji honestly doesn't even remember. "I wonder if this magazine's still even going..."

"It is," Sanji informs him. "It's changed a lot, but we still get it delivered."

Thatch laughs then, shaking his head as he closes the magazine and hands it back to Sanji with the same care. "I'm sure it has changed, after what happened, oh man..."

Sanji frowns. So something did happen.

"So how did the kid in this end up a Whitebeard pirate?" he asks, but he means, How did the boy's adventure end?

"Mm, you sure you wanna know? It's not a particularly nice story, though I suppose it has a happy end." Thatch leans back heavily against the mast, his hand subconsciously reaching up to brush hair away from his face, lingering on the deep, if old scar around his left eye. Sanji wonders if it's related.

"If it's something you don't mind sharing. I'm sure I can handle it."

They're interrupted by a crash, and look up to see Sabo heaving Luffy up back over the rail by the end of her tail. She'd clearly almost fallen overboard, again, but is laughing as carefree as ever, even as Usopp wrings his hands apologetically behind them. Sabo doesn't look mad though, and is stroking Luffy's hair now that she's safely back on deck and in his arms, his face disgustingly besotted.

Deuce and Nami come out of the cabin at the noise, and Ace and Zoro startle awake from their respective naps as well. Deuce takes one look at what's going on, and launches into a full blown scolding session for all three of the members involved, clearly dissatisfied with the way Sabo handled it. It had only taken the first mate a few days in his company before Deuce had determined that no matter how sensible Sabo may seem at times, he's still Another Stupid Brother, and therefore gets the same treatment.

The rest of the crew listening in winces when Deuce hurls a, "Luffy being stupid is one thing, but you're WAY too lenient with her, you foolish Revolutionary!" Nami and Koala cheer him on in the background.

("Told you," Ace mouths, before hastily looking away when Deuce's gaze snaps to him.)

Usopp looks thoroughly chastised and sincerely sorry, Sabo looks weirdly pleased as though being told he's lenient is a compliment, and Luffy looks bored and is searching for an escape when her gaze lands on the two cooks.

"Thatch! Story time?!" is all the warning they get, before Luffy's arms grab onto the mast behind them and the mermaid torpedoes head-first into Thatch's chest. It's a testament to the Whitebeard Commander's sturdiness that all he does is grunt at the considerable impact, even as Sanji winces in sympathy. That'll definitely bruise.

"Alright, yeah story time, if anyone wants to hear my boring old past," Thatch agrees, and Luffy cheers, turning herself sideways and flopping down on Thatch's crossed legs to look up at him with eyes sparkling with expectation. Sanji isn't even jealous, because in her new position, Luffy's thrown her tail across Sanji's lap, and he begins reverently rubbing circles into her soft scales, heat creeping up his cheeks when her flukes flick with pleasure.

Deuce sighs, giving up on his scolding as everyone gathers around the cooks. But he doesn't seem too disappointed, and pulls out his notebook as he joins them, as though he intends on recording whatever Thatch's going to say. Ace plops himself down on Thatch's other side, ruffling Luffy's hair distractedly and hiding his curiosity poorly. Sanji gets the feeling that despite knowing him for much longer, Ace hasn't heard much about Thatch's past either.

"Well, so..."

~~

Thatch was born to a middle class family in a relatively active port town on the Grand Line. His parents ran a modest diner, certainly nothing high class, but popular enough among the locals to almost always have full seats.

Thatch was what they called a "child prodigy." He'd started helping in the kitchen simply because he wanted to do the same things as his parents, but by the time he was seven, he'd already surpassed both of them in skill. His parents decided to leave the kitchen to him, while they focussed on management.

With Thatch behind the menu, the restaurant's popularity grew, drawing more traffic. Among their visitors were occasional food critics, who spread their business's reputation and made it something of a cult tourist spot.

When Thatch was nine, his father came up with the idea that it might be good publicity, for people to know that a literal child was behind their now famous restaurant's food. And in the name of said publicity, he also decided to have the restaurant officially under Thatch's name, although is parents still managed it.

"Child prodigy chef owns his own restaurant," was definitely a headline that journalists latched onto. The berries were rolling in.

Thatch himself, he didn't really care about that. He rarely ever left the kitchen now, constantly cooking, constantly coming up with new menu items, constantly training new chefs as their once small family diner expanded into a chain. He didn't really mind it, he loved cooking after all, but he often wished he still had time to talk to patrons, or explore town. While there weren't any child labor laws in their country, he couldn't go to school or make friends or do anything a normal child might otherwise enjoy.

So when the largest, most prominent cooking magazine sent a representative to talk about a potential column centered around him, Thatch was hopeful. He'd always dreamed of leaving the island, and it'd never seemed like an achievable dream. He wanted to exposure to new things to expand his cooking repertoire, and he wanted to be able to challenge himself as a cook--but more than anything, he also just wanted go and see what might be out there, outside of his diner's kitchen.

His parents reluctantly agreed. At this point, Thatch had trained enough experienced cooks, and their reputation was established enough that Thatch's temporary absence wouldn't damage them. And Thatch knew his parents were drawn by the potential for greater publicity from the column, and Thatch (and their restaurant) possibly becoming a household name not just on the Grand Line, but across the world.

(Thatch never thought his parents were bad people, or even bad parents. He hadn't wanted for anything, and they let him pursue and nurture his passion. That they were business-minded, and had also come to see Thatch as an asset and publicity tool was something he understood. They still loved him, in their own way.)

His parents' only condition was that Thatch return in a few years, before he was fifteen. A "child prodigy" becomes less interesting with age, and eventually becomes "a normal adult." They wanted Thatch back before that, to reestablish his connection to their diner, before he inevitably faded out of public interest, or had to re-establish his identity as an adult cook.

And so at eleven years old, what seemed like the entire town saw off Thatch, who set sail on a small ship manned by experienced sailors, and chaperoned by the journalist who would be documenting his voyage.

For the first two years, the journey was everything Thatch had ever wanted. They would go to new islands, information provided to him by the journalist, and then he would be given free reign to do whatever he wanted, so long as it included food and cooking, which is what Thatch would have been drawn to do anyway. That there were always a handful of adults a few paces behind him, documenting everything he did and forcing him to voice his thoughts out loud, all eventually faded into the background. Thatch got used to voicing his inner thoughts for their benefit. It was hardly a chore, and Thatch was having the time of his life.

But all things eventually change. Due to the success of the column, Thatch's journalist was given a promotion, and the last stretch of his journey before Thatch was to return to his home island was assigned to a new journalist. Thatch had always known that their relationship was strictly professional, and was used to changing traveling companions at this point. It felt a bit lonely that the first journalist, the only person who had remained a constant, was leaving...but he understood.

It's just business, after all.

The new journalist replaced the old one, and their journey continued--or at least, it was supposed to.

Child!Thatch, adult Thatch would later think, was remarkably naive and sheltered for all that he was a veteran cook. He was used to having things being laid out in front of him on a neat platter, for the adults in his life to control all aspects of his life, conveniently convincing himself that it's what he wanted anyway. He was used to the adults taking care of all the details, because all Thatch had to do to make everyone happy was cook. He not once doubted those responsible for his life, and blindly trusted that they would keep everything smooth and safe for him.

Because when one day, thirteen-year old Thatch woke up to see red staining the walls of the cabin, and then looked around to find the corpses of everyone else on the ship strewn around him, it took a remarkably long time for him to process that this definitely wasn't what was supposed to happen.

He was disoriented, too numb to even feel panic or put up a fight when the new journalist came in and tied him up to pass him to the pirates who had decimated the crew.

Pirates. It wasn't the Golden Age of Piracy yet, and although the Roger Pirates and other famous names were often whispered about, most sailors didn't expect to personally run into pirates. Thatch had been warned of their existence, but hadn't really thought much on them, as they had seemed irrelevant to his own peaceful civilian adventures.

The pirates and the journalist had a deal, he gathered. The pirates had wanted to get their hands on the famous child prodigy cook, and were willing to pay good money. The journalist had agreed, and had summoned the pirates to their location. Everyone but Thatch and the journalist had been killed to erase witnesses.

Before handing Thatch off to them, the journalist demanded payment first. Thatch remembers wondering why the journalist hadn't demanded anything before agreeing to the deal--it seemed a bad business tactic.

Thatch was standing right next to the journalist when the pirate captain drew his sword. Thatch wasn't scared, because he knew he wouldn't be hurt. He was an asset. And he probably knew what would happen before the journalist did.

He still remembers feeling the whoosh of air as the sword came, the sound of it hitting flesh, the dull thunk, the loosening of the arms gripping the rope that held Thatch bound.

Thatch thought ah, so human heads can be severed just as easily as fish heads.

Thatch didn't put up a fuss, going with the pirates. It was clear he couldn't have stayed on the ransacked ship, because even if he did, he had no way of manning the ship alone, even if he even knew how. And so he wordlessly followed, and continued to do what he'd done his whole life: obey adults.

And at first it wasn't bad. A kitchen was a kitchen, no matter how dirty, and Thatch knew how to please people with food. The pirates seemed overjoyed with Thatch's skill.

But some part of Thatch really wondered if that's all they wanted from him, and that bad feeling manifested itself as reality soon.

Hey brat, the captain said one day, and dumped a sack of ingredients Thatch had never used before into the kitchen. Turn this into something good. We need to get rid of an entire rival crew, and they're gluttons.

Thatch may never have used them before, but he recognized the things in the bag. They were all things he knew to avoid.

The pirate captain was asking him to make poison.

Thatch was a cook. No matter the reasons why people wanted him to cook, no matter who benefited and what money was passed around, and no matter how terrible the conditions--Thatch was alright so long as he could cook. Thatch cooked so that he could make delicious things that would in the end, contribute to nourishing people. He polished his skills to make that experience better, to make his patrons happier, to make himself feel more accomplished as a result.

Poison...that wasn't something that a cook could make.

Thatch, for the first time, spoke back to an adult. He felt that numb feeling again, over any fear.

I'm a cook, I can't make anything that can harm people. Please let me start preparing dinner. Thatch stated it as fact, and to him, it was.

The pirate struck Thatch. It was the first time he'd ever been hit, because as a child prodigy, as an asset, he'd always been too valuable to damage. But now...

You'll make it, or we have no need for you.

Bars were added to the kitchen, making it Thatch's cell. All edible ingredients were confiscated. And every day, the pirates came in with more ingredients, more demands.

Make an aphrodisiac. Make a date rape drug. Make something that'll make someone lose feeling in their limbs. Make something that'll cause loss of senses. Make something that'll cause crazy hallucinations. Make something deadly, but undetectable in water. Make something that can dissolve guts from the inside out. Make something that won't kill, but cause excruciating pain. Make something that WILL kill, but only after several days.

The pirates didn't want a cook. They wanted a master poisons brewer. Which, Thatch was not.

Every time Thatch refused, they beat him. They threatened to cut off his legs, because why would he need them, when all he needed were his hands? They threatened to carve out his eyes, and the captain stabbed a knife close to his left eye to show how serious he was. They left Thatch with running water, but didn't give him anything to eat, other than the deadly, horrible ingredients they'd left inside the kitchen for him to turn into even worse poisons.

Thatch sorted the ingredients by those least harmful, and kept himself alive by reluctantly eating those first, but knew that the longer this continued, the more permanent and fatal the damage those ingredients would cause.

(He tried to come up with ways to use what he had to nullify effects, but he was just a kid, and it was his first time trying to make actual medicine. His experiments were risky, and often failed.)

Thatch didn't know how long he was in there, his sense of time and self muddled as he survived off of numbing agents and aphrodisiacs and hallucinogens. They barely kept him alive, and made him feel horrible. He tried to remember why it was so important he kept eating them, and rationing them like they were valuable.

In the corner of the kitchen was an ever growing pile of bright, beautiful fruits that he knew would cause immediate agonizing death...but they looked so lusciously juicy and ripe, and it was getting harder to remember why he couldn't eat them.

Perhaps it was the hallucinogens, perhaps it was everything wrong with his body that Thatch had unwillingly caused himself by eating, but one day, Thatch realized he was going through the movements of peeling those fruits, chopping them, squeezing the juices and watching with fascination as they sizzled into the bubbling pot he was brewing. He was too entranced by the concoction to even notice that his hands were burning and blistering, or perhaps they were just too numb.

He added spices, adjusted heat, and hummed. It had been too long, since he had cooked.

Except he wasn't cooking, because this wasn't food.

It smelled quite delicious, Thatch thought, mildly impressed with himself. Something tropical and fruity, mellowed by mushrooms and a great many other herbs. And it looked aesthetically pleasing, with its dancing, hypnotic colors. If he hadn't known what had gone into it, he'd consider it presentable to critics as his next seasonal special.

But now that it was done, and ready to be served, Thatch had no clue what to do with it.

He hadn't thought that far (he wasn't thinking at all), and didn't know how to think about the thing he made, when it wasn't edible.

He supposed he could possibly see if it could melt through the bars of his cell, though he wasn't sure where he'd even go if he could escape. The cell didn't have any windows, and Thatch wasn't even sure they were at an island, they could still be on open water. Thatch might be able to throw it on a pirate, as a weapon. But there were dozens of pirates on board, and not nearly enough for all of them.

He could drink it himself. It would be an escape of sorts, he supposed.

It never crossed Thatch's mind to offer the concoction to the pirates, as a creation to be used.

He stood in the kitchen for hours, aimlessly stirring the pot, watching the brew get darker and darker, its magical colors turning into murky brown. Eventually, it became a thick, black tar-like substance that reflected no light, that looked like a void as Thatch stared into it.

A thin gray haze gradually began filling the room, and Thatch was well aware of it. He was already starting to feel noticeably worse than before. He supposed that was one way of giving himself a time limit: he'd either decide what to do with the brew, or succumb to the fumes first.

He distantly heard muted sounds overhead, and he realized the pirates may be fighting someone. It happened once in a while. But it was usually with other pirates, and he doubted it was the marines, and no civilian vessel would dare get close to such an obvious pirate ship. And well, if it was pirates...that's just more of the same, wasn't it?

Thatch eventually heard footsteps approaching the room, and someone coughing as they inhaled the fumes, now dense enough to be a dark smog that made it hard to see his own hands (or maybe that was the effect of the poison in him).

A creak--the cell doors were opening.

Thatch could barely think anymore, but made a split second decision. He didn't know what the consequences would be, but had a hunch he wouldn't survive long enough to find out anyway, so what did it matter.

He picked up the pot, and hurled all of its contents at the approaching figure.

There was a FUCK! and then--

Thatch won't ever forget what happened when that brew hit a human body.

But as he fell, the last of his strength gone, wondering if he should feel horrible or proud that he killed someone on his way out, Thatch saw the room light up, the black haze vanishing into searing, brilliant turquoise flames.

~~

"And so that's how I met Marco!" Thatch says, voice surprisingly chipper, even though Sanji feels like retching.

"You melted him," Ace says flatly, voice a mix of horror and awe.

"Sure did, if he had been anyone else they probably woulda been a puddle of human goo, and even he got halfway there," Thatch agrees, his hands stroking Luffy's hair harder, as they'd been doing all throughout his story telling. "Though lucky me, to have thrown poison at possibly one of the only people in the world with instant self-regeneration and possibly immortality."

"Was he mad? Pineapple bird-man. Melting doesn't sound very fun," Luffy frowns. She'd admittedly fallen asleep for most of the story, but woke up again when Thatch's hands in her hair got more tense, more urgent. She contentedly nuzzles into his thigh, more interested in making sure that Thatch's alright than in his answer, and she purrs when he crooks his fingers to scritch her reassuringly.

"Oh sure, he was mad for a little bit, but he's a nice guy and was a worry-wort even back then, so he brought me to Pops. And well, it took a while, but we're best buddies now and have been for years! Fancy that."

Deuce was shaking his head. "I still can't believe that stupid crew wanted to take down Pops with poison of all things, and were stupid enough to enter his territory without it even being ready."

"Well, it's not like they could have won in direct combat, and to be fair, back then the Four Emperors weren't that established, and territories in the New World were a lot looser than they are now." Thatch shrugged. "If nothing else, it was a creative angle, if a poorly thought out one, unlike some people's way of challenging Pops." Ace fidgets uncomfortably here, and Deuce snorts.

"You..." Sanji's finally recovering from his queasiness, because fuck Thatch's tale really wasn't pretty, especially from a cook's perspective. "You don't mind fighting, and killing people now?" He glances at the swords strapped to Thatch's belt, and thinks about his own insistence to never use his hands in combat.

"Well, I'd prefer not to do it, same as anyone else. But I don't mind fighting in general, and once Pops adopted me, I wanted to be able to defend myself." Thatch laughs here, and it sounds bitter, making Luffy look up. "Haruta actually suggested I use poison, if I knew how to make one that could almost take down the Phoenix, and, well...that's a no. May have thrown him overboard for that, but he deserved it. I told them I was good with knives, and Vista helped me develop my own style."

The conversation moves on then, the other crew members chipping in with questions, but Sanji sort of tunes it all out. He thought he was over his queasiness, but it's back again. Being forced to brew poison, and being offered nothing but harmful things to eat...fuck. Even Judge hadn't done that...

He feels something wrap around him then, and Sanji looks down, and realizes that Luffy's looped her tail so that her flukes curl behind his back, securely holding him, even as she continues to nuzzle Thatch's leg for attention.

How weak he must be, Sanji thinks, to need his captain's comfort now. But it helps, and he gradually relaxes.

Eventually the others realize that the story's over, and disperse back to their usual tasks, leaving Thatch and Sanji and a snoozing Luffy curled around both of their laps.

"Well, I guess that explains how the boy prodigy's journey ended," Sanji says, reaching over to Thatch's side to run his hand through Luffy's hair, smiling when she hums happily.

Thatch makes a soft sound, that sounds like possibly disagreement. "Well, sure, I ended up joining the Whitebeard pirates, and never ended up going back to my hometown. Everyone thought I was dead anyway, and being on the Moby was better than any restaurant for me, because I got to feed my brothers and travel, at least wherever the Moby goes, and that's still a fine adventure in its own way. But I guess you're right in that with a territory and a literal army backing me up...it's not quite the same kind of adventure, without the trill of the unknown."

Thatch looks up then, and when his eyes sweep across their little ship, and the small crew strewn about it, he looks fond. "But I guess in a way, that's what I'm doing now, isn't it? I may no longer be a 'boy prodigy,' but me traveling with you guys, going back up the Grand Line...it's sorta like that journey again."

Sanji blinks.

"The end of that journey...maybe you're on it with me, right now." Thatch winks.

Sanji snorts. "That's so cheesy," he says, but he doesn't meant it, not really, because he can't deny the giddiness that begins welling up in him at the thought.

Because what adult doesn't still have a child inside them, buried underneath layers of years, still craving those wishful dreams from long ago?

There's a moment of silence, before both cooks break out into laughter, carefree and boyish.

And so their journey continues onward.

~~

~~

Aaand that's a wrap! For this lil story series within this ever growing AU at least!

It may be a cheesy ending, but it still feels like an ending of sorts? which, is something I usually never actually manage to write to, everything I write is usually either short or abandoned....so I Feel Accomplished ^ ^;;

If you managed to get through it all, thanks so much for reading and sticking with this!!!! ;A; I’m definitely extremely curious to know if you have any thoughts regarding my take on Thatch's past, or anything else, because as always any comments are HUGELY appreciated!

Thanks again!

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

[pirate-cannons]

Hello! First of all: I LOVE YOUR BLOG

Hi there! I’m so glad you like it!!

I don’t plan to stop anytime soon! (Although I might disappear every now and then cause life happens…)

Anywho THANKS FOR THIS REQUEST AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!

Law, Sanji, Zoro, Nami and Sabo realizing they are in love with someone:

Law

It would take him a VERY long time to come to the conclusion that he was in love

Especially if it was someone in the crew. everyone else would figure it out long before their captain, however they wouldn’t dare mention it

At best they might try to HINT at it or constantly create situations to get the two of them together

For being the ‘smart one’ This of course goes completely over Law’s head

It comes to a point though that Law realizes maybe he does treat them differently

He worries more

Insists on treating them for every scrape and bruise…personally

Highly protective (He tells himself he’s just being a captain right?)

Over time, he becomes increasingly irritable because WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM

The constant urge to be by their side and these feelings he gets when he sees them smile

…maybe he picked up some sickness from that last island?

No that can’t be it

He hasn’t felt like this since…

…shit

No

N O P E

Trafalgar D. Water Law does not have feelings for his …

“Hey Captain, did you want me to load this stuff in the back?”

…The Surgeon of Death did indeed have feelings for one of his crew

Sanji

Sanji would have varying responses depending on if their s/o was a guy or girl

If it was a girl…well…Sanji loves all women right?

He knows he loves (Name) but if that’s all this feeling is…why does it feel so different with Nami and Robin?

Sanji would realize he was honestly in love with them once he recognized his feelings were no longer of distant admiration but rather that he truly cared for her

He’d still claim to love all women, but he was only IN love with one…

With a male on the other hand, things would be a little different and take him longer to realize

Sanji would recognize that he feel SOMETHING for the other male, but would most likely pass it off as being nakama, especially if they’re apart of the crew

He also starts to take in every detail of what the other male prefers when it comes to food, which he already does with the rest of the crew, but in this case he pays even closer attention and gets this funny feeling when he is complimented on one of his creations.

The real tell comes when Sanji starts to get irritated at the closeness between (Name) and that damn marimo

Of course he just passes that off as being irritable at ALL things related to the swordsman

Surely Sanji wasn’t jealous  of him?

Once its starts to happen with other people, Sanji is forced to look at the details

He’s so focused on (Name) he doesn’t even realize the rest of the crew knows

Damnit all…

Zoro

Continuing the trend of being slow on the uptake…

Zoro doesn’t really bother with those kinds of thoughts. He has better things to do

For our swordsman, it’s a very subtle buildup

First they train and spar together. Then they start to  nap together, And eventually Zoro will demand ask that the other comes with him when they explore an island

The crew swears they have two Zoros now

Similar to Law’s reaction, Zoro starts to become protective over the other

But it’s just another member of the crew right? Nothing he wouldn’t do for Luffy or Usopp?

One afternoon when the two have fallen asleep on one another again the crew gathers around them

“I’m going to tell him.”

“Robin, no!”

“You know if we don’t he’ll never figure it out”

“Nami-swan has a point, he’s pretty thick-headed”

Zoro starts to wake up to the voices around him and when he sees them all grinning at him he looks down to an unknown weight on his legs to find (Name) still asleep

Unable to fight back the mad blush that rises to his face, he tries to cover it up with his hand all the while glaring at the other members of the crew who are trying hard not to laugh

Zoro will get them back for this

…as soon as he can move

Sabo

Out of the boys, he’s the one who realizes it the fastest

He’s had a crush on their newest recruit for a VERY long time

Something about the way their smile lights up the whole room and the way their eyes twinkle when some mischief is about to happen on their watch and how they–Koala:You’re rambling, Sabo

He really isn’t subtle when it comes to these things

He thinks he is…but alas…the whole R.A knows at this point

Koala knows all about this little crush of his from the beginning and constantly tells him TO TELL THEM HOW HE FEELS ALREADY. Best wingman..woman

He knew his crush was something more when he couldn’t stop thinking about them and how he wished the two could always pair up for missions

When Sabo finally confessed and (Name) agrees, HE IS OVER THE MOON

He went from suave, to embarassed, to happy, to a stuttering mess in about 6 seconds

It was a rollercoaster to watch notthatKoalawaswatching

Nami

Nami is another one who it clicks for pretty early

She finds herself getting closer and closer to a particular member of the crew, making sure to always keep an extra eye out for them

It really hits her when she’s out shopping and a particular item catches her eye and she thinks, “I wonder if (Name) would like that?”

And this happens on multiple occasions

Nami will bring back little gifts for (Name) with comments like “I thought you might like this” or “This made me think of you.”

The rest of the crew is absolutely baffled that their scrooge is spending money…frivolously….ON ANOTHER PERSON

Robin just smiles to herself in the corner because she knows what’s going on

Nami is pretty private when it comes to her personal affairs so there is no celebration or huzzah moment when the two confess to one another

One moment they’re two close friends, and the next?…Something more

[asexualzoro]

list of reasons I find zoro ridiculous

after my similarly titled mihawk post took off I decided to make a zoro post, since he’s my second favorite character and also arguably the most ridiculous character in all of One Piece. here we go

- I know what you’re all thinking. i’m gonna open this list with how he wields three swords, right? no. no, Zoro has done so much ridiculous bullshit, this doesn’t even seem weird anymore. i don’t even bat my eye at this. this is nothing. now that i’ve got that out of the way, let’s begin

- this dude has like, an obsession with cutting off his own limbs? and MAYBE i can understand trying to cut his feet off when they were stuck in wax—you’re trying to save your friends, i get it—but what about when he was sword shopping in loguetown? who’s first response when buying a cursed sword and testing if it’s really cursed is “i’ll toss it in the air n see if I get amputated lol.” plus there’s that old filler where luffy gets his finger stuck in a bottle and, when he asks zoro for help getting it out, zoro tries to CUT IT OFF. im convinced he lost that left eye of his bc he got dust or something in it and then tried to stab it out

- there’s like, several occasions where Zoro has been directed to head up a staircase and gone some other direction. it happened in enies lobby and in dressrosa? like, what’s the dude got against stai—... oh, wait

- his reintroduction post timeskip. get on the wrong boat? just cut it in half! who even cares! how’d you even end up on the wrong boat? you had to walk towards that boat, which means looking at the boat. that boat looked nothing like the sunny, wouldn’t zoro have noticed that? he also has to make an effort to climb on, which means, you guessed it, looking at the boat! he probably sees the crew members, maybe even gets helped up by one or a few. how did he not at any point in time notice that wasn’t his boat?

- also when they landed on sabaody the first time and zoro was like “i’m gonna go take a walk!” and both Sanji and Usopp tried to stop him, talking to him like concerned parents of a troublemaking toddler, like “Zoro you can’t go out there you’ll get lost!” to which Zoro replies “yeah but the grottos are numbered, I can find my way back if I just remember the number!” and Sanji and Usopp are like “okay, solid logic, even YOURE not dumb enough to mess that up” and what does Zoro do? what does he fucking do?

- I want to emphasize he messes it up because a bubble covers the 4 in “Grotto 41” so he thinks it’s grotto 1. BUBBLES. ARE. TRANSPARENT

- “sorry, I don’t pray to god” fuckin edgelord

- Zoro’s epithet is “Pirate Hunter” and it’s super lame. he could’ve been “Demon of the East Blue” but they went with pirate hunter, even though he became a pirate. even Chopper’s is better than his lbr

- THERES A SCENE WHERE SANJI THREATENS TO PUT RAZOR BLADES IN ZOROS FOOD N ZOROS LIKE “do it u won’t” SO SANJI DOES AND ZORO JUST EATS THEM? ODA EVEN GOT ASKED ABOUT IT IN AN SBS AND CONFIRMED YES, ZORO DID IN FACT EAT RAZOR BLADES. THIS 2EDGY4U BITCH JUST. STRAIGHT UP. ATE RAZOR BLADES

- in film gold he wears that black jacket under the white one. mind you he had no way of knowing he would be trapped in gold by tesoro or that they’d all have a dramatic coordinated outfit change once he was free so what the fuck was he doing? why did he wear that? who wears two jackets for no reason?

- “if i’m gonna be a statue I want it to be in this pose” “i’m glad I struck a pose”

- remember when zoro fought mr. 1 in alabasta and mr. 1 dropped a stone building on him and he was just like “this is a rocky day” or smth equally awful? i hate him

- the tarzan yell in skypiea

- actually, the goggles too.

- didn’t he try to convince someone he was fighting they were sunglasses bc they had some blinding light-based attack? I feel like he did but I don’t remember skypiea well enough to be sure

- Zoro vs the bird in skypiea. spent a fair amount of the damn arc running around skypiea getting messed w by a bird (which, according to Luffy, was more evolved than Zoro bc it had developed a sense of direction. burned by ur own captain)

- when asked why Zoro was able to speak with a sword in his mouth, oda said “IT’S HIS HEART SPEAKING”

- that colorspread Zoro where he reads a book about weightlifting while balancing a weight on top

- when Zoro fights that masochist guy in film gold (I think his name was dice?) and said some cocky ass one liner after the guy fell unconscious that went something like “What's wrong? Didn't it feel good? Aren't you gonna scream in pleasure?" awful

- Zoro almost gets murdered by Mihawk and then, later that day, tries to take on fishmen underwater. others r like “you cannot handle this, you will literally die” and Zoro doesn���t even care bc Luffy is in trouble

- he was sailing bc he left home to find mihawk and then couldn’t figure out how to get back

- remember that filler where Zoro taught Luffy how to skate but then forgot to teach him how to turn. I love both that this happened and the implication that Zoro is a person who knows how to roller skate and therefore has spent time roller skating. Zoro roller skating backstory when?

- when Zoro was fighting oz, a 500 year old corpse, he licked his sword. now, on top of licking his sword being ridiculous as hell because, listen, there’s NOTHING cool about licking your sword. you just look like a loser. but a sword that just came out of a 500 year old corpse? really? i know it was preserved by the cold and all but there’s no way it didn’t rot at all. that’s a rotted, frozen corpse. Zoro what in the HELL were you thinking. I hope you get sick

- i’m sure it probably wasn’t even the first time he licked his sword in a fight but I will say with absolute confidence he looked like a loser every single time

- I feel like he licked his sword while facing mr 1 but I can’t remember. if he did, that’s honestly iconic. stare down a dude that’s made of swords while licking yours? power move. only decent time to kick your sword

- Zoro, joining Luffy: “if you stand in the way of my dream i’ll kill you!” Zoro, a day later: “of course i’ll carry my captain in this heavy cage on my back to safety. oh this gaping wound in my side? nothing. who cares about bleeding to death, my captain needs me!”

- all those big weights he’s got. all of them.

- especially that time he was lifting weights post thriller bark after barely surviving kuma, still heavily injuries, complaining about how weak he is. buddy...

- that time in drum island where he decided to train by going swimming in the freezing ice-country water, then when he got out he got lost in the snowy mountains until he wandered into a random battle and took out some guy just to steal his coat

- this isn’t the only time he steals some random dude’s coat

- the chimney.

- that filler in smiles lobby where he gets, like, abducted by a bunch of children for a day and integrated into their family?

- Roronoa Zoro went fursuiting in dressrosa and that’s a canon fact you all must acknowledge

- speaking of being a furry anyone remember mugiwara theater?

- THE FUCKING MUGIWARA THEATER NAMES. mugiwara theater is a gift, alright? here’s some: nakamura hanzorou. zobear. ZOROMILK

- I FORGOT TO MENTION. THAT TIME ZORO N USOPP WERE HANDCUFFED TOGETHER AND ZORO TRIED TO CONVINCE USOPP TO PLAY ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WITH HIM TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE TO CUT THEIR HAND OFF

- also the fact that his logic was “it’ll be fine cuz chopper can just sew it back on”

- can we also talk abt how later that fight he uses Usopp as a sword because holy shit Zoro

- this isn’t technically zoro’s fault but the guy who sold him his sword to him in loguetown has a giant version of bounty image up above his bath, which........

- barto asked for zoro’s autograph and Zoro just wrote “sword”

- the grave of the rumbar pirates was finished right around when Zoro woke up from his coma post thriller bark and Zoro decided to walk over while Brook is sitting there mourning almost everyone he ever loved and just. plops his sword—an inanimate object—in the dirt by the grave of BROOKS ENTIRE CREW like “hey i’m gonna bury this here u don’t mind tho right? cool”

- he’s lucky Brook is such a cool dude cuz if I was mourning the death of MY crew and some fuck decided to plant a rusty sword there i’d just fuckin kill em

- in Zou they were talking abt whatever and Luffy mentioned how Sanji was as strong as one thousand men and Zoro, clearly jealous that Sanji got praised by Luffy, butt in with a stuttery objection on how HE was stronger than Sanji and worth TWO THOUSAND men, which luffy ignored, and Nami had to reassure him that yes, Zoro, we know you’re strong. toddler

- this is also not technically zoro’s fault but one time someone asked oda in an sbs which strawhats would eat ice in their drink and oda answered who would n wouldn’t (Luffy, Chopper, Brook, Usopp, and Robin would, if ur wondering). Zoro was on the wouldn’t list, and some fan sent oda a letter informing him of a panel where Zoro was shown eating ice to disprove this. someone pulled zoro ice eating receipts on oda and that’s a fact we all have to live with

- the first time Zoro meets mihawk—the strongest man in the world, the man he wants to defeat someday, and incredibly powerful and impressive dude—he cries like a baby

- zoro’s been crucified like 4 times now. once in his introduction than in three movies (6, gold, nebulandia). idk why this keeps happening but honestly? keep it up

- when Brook joined the crew, Zoro said he was sorry for Brooks bad luck as if one of the first things Brook ever saw Zoro do wasn’t to try and die for the crew via Giant Paw Ball of Pain

- speaking of, i’m pretty sure half the reason zoro DIDNT die in thriller bark is because if he died via smth as silly as a giant paw ball his injured pride would kill him again

- I was going to make fun of Zoro for wearing only a suit and a fake mustache in dressrosa as a disguise but then I realized, like, given how absolutely shredded Zoro was in Punk Hazard and how that suit somehow managed to squish it all down without zoro ripping the sleeves off? solid disguise

- when merry was burning and everyone’s bawling and remembering great memories on the ship and Zoro was standing there, 100% stoic, remembering a nap

- Zoro saw marines (Garp) coming to Water 7 while Luffy was still unconscious and ran off to warn the others but couldn’t find his way back to the hotel

- that G8 filler where he falls off a cliff in pursuit of his swords

- speaking of fillers, remember that amnesia one? (ha). highlights include Zoro trying to physically fight a small sea horse (plus Usopp doing a bad lip-syncing) and Zoro swimming through the Grand Line with his swords tied to his head by his bandana

- meets a dragon, eats the dragon

- it got mentioned once that Sanji and Nami canonly help Zoro and the other guys get dressed. so every time Zoro wears something absolutely ridiculous (which is often), it’s probably Sanjis doing

- “I can’t believe I cut a freaking booger!!”

- speaking of, remember that time Luffy flicked a booger into Zoro’s drink at the Baratie and Zoro tried to force him to drink it?? remember that?? I hate them both

- that time Zoro was trying to find the Right Eye in Skypiea, said that (though the path to get there was STRAIGHT AHEAD) all he had to do to find the right eye was just keep going right (even though that would just lead him in circles!). and then after that do you know what direction he went?? do you know?? he fucking went left

- the time Zoro got lost walking on a straight path in a filler.

- Zoro lost to a guy in a fight and just fucking let the dude cut him in half. like, yes, the baratie scene was all cool as all hell and I love it but Zoro did in fact basically invite a dude to cut him in half

- when they were hit by negative hollows and everyone else said stuff that was kinda funny but Zoro went straight up “I don’t deserve to exist” please honey talk to someone

- he was fighting Kaku and kept engaging in Kaku’s devil fruit bs and then berating himself for being uncool as if he wasn’t already fighting a giant giraffe

- to end this list, I want to get to Zoro’s absolute worst offense. remember when Zoro fought Kaku and he did that asura form thing? where he straight up grew four extra arms and two extra heads, all wielding swords? what the FUCK was that? and don’t tell me “fighting spirit” alright. that’s bull. people don’t just GROW EXTRA SWORD-WIELDING BODY PARTS because they’re just REALLY INTO a FIGHT. like I know this is One Piece and shit’s ridiculous all this time but this? this is too much. even for One Piece this is too much. this is so ridiculous. there has to be a line, even in One Piece, with what these guys are allowed to get away with. I can accept haki so good you can see the future. I can accept spinning so fast you set your leg on fire. I can accept being made of springs. I can accept booger bombs. I can accept all that and more, but this? this is where i take my stand. Roronoa Zoro cannot keep getting away with this! fighting spirit is just not an explanation. and the worst part? the absolute worst part?

- Zoro makes four extra limbs and two extra heads, all armed with swords, MATERIALIZE out of THIN AIR with absolutely NO REAL EXPLANATION and then pretty much NEVER DOES IT AGAIN! he did it once in sabaody (and once in strong world) and then hasn’t done it since! everyone else uses the power ups they got in enies lobby all the time but Zoro, somewhere out there, knows how fuckin sick this attack is (bc yeah it’s ridiculous as hell but like I still enjoy it) and he just won’t do it again. not once post timeskip has he used it at all. Roronoa Zoro knows what he’s doing and he is out there, right now, laughing

- roronoa zoro is one of my top three favorite one piece characters and I make this list entirely out of love. (feel free to add on more moments I may have missed and i’ll add them)