#n it's been constant since at least Sunday sigh

[weather-phenomenon]

when when the health webbed sites they say tht pulsatile tinnitus is temporary in comparison with regulsr tinntius but then the the tumblr users are saying ive had it since a kid 5.5 years of pulsatile tinnitus etc etc n im crying again

[dyns33]

Flufftober 2024 - Michael Myers

Last long story of the flufftober 2024 ! I know, it would be logical to post about Michael on Halloween, but I had an idea for a too long stories, and they are posted on sunday... Not my fault Halloween is not on sunday =(

Everyone had warned her when she decided to become a nurse at Haddonfield Memorial Hospital.

It was very honorable of her to want to take care of people that the world preferred to forget because they were too dangerous to be placed elsewhere.

Maybe they were still human, despite all the horrors they had committed to get to this place, and as such, they should at least be treated with dignity. But there were many other unfortunate people waiting for this kind of attention, and who were not likely to try to kill her as soon as her back was turned.

"You're not weird." her best friend had sighed when Y/N had told her the news. "You don't want to see these sick people, only another sick person would want that."

Y/N hesitated to tell her that everyone had a little bit of madness, and that perhaps a part of her was a bit dark, even if she didn't want to admit it herself.

Instead, she put on her smiling mask without saying anything. It was easier.

The desire to see special cases was there, but it was really mostly by vocation.

From the first day, it was obvious that she was going to have a lot of work.

There were a lot of patients who required constant vigilance, but on top of that, there were also a lot of doctors and nursing assistants who clearly needed treatment, sometimes more than the patients. The worst of them was Doctor Samuel Loomis.

Y/N quickly wondered what the point of this doctor was who seemed to only take care of one patient for over ten years, without really giving the impression of trying to treat him, using him mainly to write best-selling books.

It hurt the nurse enough to see how he treated Michael.

Of course Michael Myers was no saint. He had killed a classmate, his stepfather, his sister and her boyfriend when he was ten, without showing the slightest sign of remorse.

At the same time, he didn't seem to remember his crimes.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, bullied at school, lonely, there were several ways to explain his actions.

He hadn't touched his little sister Angel, whom he seemed to love more than anything, like his poor mother who had committed suicide in despair at seeing her child locked up forever in this hospital and after he had attacked a supervisor.

Since then, he had walled himself up in silence, without having the slightest incident.

According to Doctor Loomis, this was proof of his evil side.

"Michael is evil. He wants you to believe that he is not dangerous, that he is human, that he is capable of change. That what he did was just an isolated act. Don't be fooled. He will kill you if he gets the chance."

Y/N didn't claim that he was wrong, nor that he was right.

The few times she had seen Michael, when she had been able to observe his eyes through the holes in his masks, it had been obvious that he was smarter than he appeared.

Huge, strong, he could crush a man's neck with one hand if he wanted to. He didn't do it, and no one could say why he didn't do it exactly.

Without wanting to be naive, Y/N also wanted to believe that he only struck those who deserved it, according to his own moral scale, those who hurt him, or who got in his way.

Maybe he could take pleasure in this act of violence, or maybe he didn't even understand what he was doing, seeing these people only as nuisances and not as human beings.

It must not have helped that people didn't treat him like a human being himself.

Y/N had therefore made the decision to be polite and gentle with him, not out of fear or obligation, but because he needed it. With Ishmael, they were probably the only ones who acted like this with him.

"Good morning Michael. I hope you slept well, I'll bring you breakfast." she would say cheerfully every morning.

Like every morning and the rest of every day, Michael didn't answer, barely reacting by moving when necessary.

In order not to rush him, Y/N didn't ask him any questions. She didn't want him to think that she was like Loomis, that she wanted to force him to communicate. A kind of unspoken rule between them.

"You should be happy, it's your favorite cereal today, with milk and orange juice. I'll move your stuff to put the food on the desk. Oh, a new mask ! It's very beautiful, Michael."

No reaction, or at least not at first sight. Because his eyes didn't leave her for a second as she took the mask to gently place it on his bed. It wasn't the first time she had seen his masks. All the walls of the room were covered with them and Michael made a new one every day.

However, Y/N looked at this mask for a long time, longer than necessary. There was nothing special about it. The colors were dark, it seemed to be the work of a child, neither pretty nor exceptional. And, without thinking, she opened her mouth.

"Do you like my mask, Michael ?"

His face still impassive, he nevertheless tilted his head slightly as Y/N offered him her most beautiful smile, this smile that she had to display so that people would stop asking her if she was okay, why she seemed sad, angry, lost, weird.

A smile that ended up making her jaw hurt when she got home, sometimes tense and visibly fake when she was too tired to pretend.

Of course, Michael didn't answer. She didn't expect an answer. Still smiling, she left him with his breakfast and the rest of the day went normally.

But the next day, something happened.

To everyone's surprise, Michael had a direct interaction with someone, for the first time in years.

He still didn't say a word, but as Y/N set the tray on the desk, moving the new mask he had made, he growled like an animal.

At first the nurse thought he didn't want her to touch his things, but he growled even more when she moved to put the mask on the bed. Thinking he wanted to take it, Y/N calmly walked over to the giant to give it to him, but he raised a hand to push his creation back towards her.

He wanted her to keep it. It was a gift. Maybe he thought her "mask" wasn't good enough.

The dominant color was blue, with some touches of gray, red, and black. Impossible to tell what expression it represented.

With a genuine smile this time, Y/N thanked him. If it pleased him, he didn't show it.

She didn't thank him for the attention that Doctor Loomis was now giving her though. Impressed, curious, and probably a little jealous, he wanted her to participate in some sessions with Michael or to try everything to make him communicate.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, doctor." she said politely.

"You don't understand. What happened is sensational. Indescribable." "A patient thanked me because I treat him well and complimented his hobby. I don't see what makes you jump."

"This is Michael Myers we're talking about. He doesn't thank me. He has something on his mind, I don't understand what and we have to find out. Don't you see that it could put you in danger ?"

"I don't feel in danger."

"You're wrong."

Y/N wasn't going to deny that Michael could be dangerous. With his size, his strength, and after spending so much time locked up, it was normal to think that he could hurt someone.

But he wouldn't hurt her, she was certain of it. He had no reason to do that.

That was what she told herself when she found him in her kitchen a few weeks later.

The day before, Michael had escaped from the asylum by killing guards, then he had returned to his childhood neighborhood, where he had murdered several more people.

Wearing a white mask with a neutral expression and a mechanic's jumpsuit, he held a knife in his right hand, while touching the gift he had given her and that Y/N had carefully hung on the wall.

Frozen in the entrance, Y/N didn't know what to do. Even if his back was turned to her, he had to know that she was there. If she tried to run, he would have no trouble catching her.

She wasn't afraid, though. If Dr. Loomis's absurd theories were correct, Michael could sense that she wasn't afraid.

Slowly, he put the knife down anyway. If he wanted to, he could still snap her neck without any difficulty, but for the moment, his attention was fixed on the mask he had made for her.

"… Michael ?" she whispered, remaining still, watching his every move with curiosity.

For a moment, he placed the mask on her face. She couldn't see his expression, hidden behind that piece of plastic, but it was obvious that he was observing the result.

He finally put his work near the knife, placing his hands on her cheeks. The friction of his fingers almost felt like a caress.

Maybe her "mask" wasn't so bad after all. He hadn't really been able to see her completely when they were in the hospital.

His forehead pressed against hers and Y/N caught a glimpse of his eyes for a few seconds, and they seemed full of life, bright, seeing only her.

A sound outside broke this moment. A car door. Neither of them moved, until she sighed.

"Doctor Loomis is looking for you. Go to the room, Michael, please."

Y/N didn't care if the doctor got killed, she'd never liked him. But it might bring the police here, she'd get in trouble, they'd try to lock Michael up again. It hadn't helped that he'd been in a cage all these years.

"Please." she repeated, imitating him, one hand on his mask.

Like in the asylum, when he absolutely didn't have to, he obeyed. It wasn't as hard as she'd thought to convince Loomis that she was alone and safe. Even though he'd always been calm with her, even though he'd given her a gift, the doctor refused to believe that his dear patient could have given his attention to a little nurse when he'd been trying to talk to him all his life.

So no, there was no reason for the Shape to be in her house. Insignificant, normal little woman. Really, this guy wasn't very good at being a psychiatrist.

Like the good, wise boy he was, Michael had sat on the bed waiting for her. He let her lay him down, checking that he wasn't hurt, before taking a seat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Everything will be fine now, Michael. I'll help you. I know how to do it."

If she could, Y/N would make sure he didn't kill anyone else, that he would control his urges, like she knew how to control hers.

But if that didn't work, she would at least offer him a warm home where he could be himself. And for the first time, she could be herself too.

[prythianpages]

Stuck On You | Part Three

cassian x reader | Cassian can't seem to forget about you since the night you met seven years ago. he thought he would never see you again but when he does, he's determined to make you his. this time for good.

“Don’t worry. She likes your butt and fancy hair. I know, I read her diary.”

[series masterlist]

A/N: I debated on splitting this into two parts since it came out longer than intended but I wanted to leave the bulk of the angst in this part. Some more scenes and quotes from Lilo & Stitch since I couldn't help myself. just one more part! I have a rough outline of it so I probably won't be able to finish it tonight but definitely by some time this coming week.

Warnings: angst, some fluff if you squint, mentions of violence/abuse

“Cassian said he would take me out for ice cream if you said yes!” Seraphine beamed, removing her boots at the foyer of your small, humble home. “I’ve never had ice cream before. Have you?”

“Sera,” you said with a sigh, concern laced into your tone over how attached she was to him. His month-long absence had given you a glimpse of the consequence of the effect he had on not just you but Seraphine as well and you didn’t want her to get hurt. She wouldn’t understand. 

“I think it’s best if we don’t see Cas anymore.”

She turned to you with a pout. “He’s our friend! You have to say yes.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Seraphine’s lip quivered, her tired eyes brimming with tears.

You didn’t answer, couldn’t bring yourself to.

Instead, you threw your aching body onto the small loveseat in the living room. This week had taken both an emotional and physical toll on you, as you tirelessly kept Seraphine up to date with her studies, managed the tavern’s monthly expenses and wrestled with your inner turmoil concerning Cassian. The constant restlessness in Seraphine only added to the mountain of exhaustion, her unbridled excitement buzzing incessantly over everything.

You knew you should draw a bath for the both of you and then head to bed, considering your fatigue.

However, you were well aware of your little sister’s stubborn nature as it was one you also exhibited. It must run in the family. Once she was fixated on something, there was no distracting her and judging by the intensity of her little sister’s sobs, you braced yourself for a long and challenging night.

“You’re so mean!” She cried. “I hate you!”

“Please don’t be a pain tonight,” you groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“You should just sell me and buy a rabbit instead!” Sara shouted at you with her finger pointed at you, referring to your empty threat of replacing her with a rabbit every time she misbehaved. You hadn’t brought it up in months, years even, and were surprised she remembered.

“At least a rabbit would behave better than you,” you muttered. 

“Go ahead!” Seraphine exclaimed, making you wince at her sharp tone. You hoped your neighbors could not hear her, fearing what they’d do if they did. You heard her angry stomps as she made her way to her room. “Then you’ll be happy! It will be smarter than me too.”

“And quieter!”

“You’ll like it because it’s stinky like you!”

“Go to your room!”

“I’m already in my room!” Seraphine screamed as she opened her door just to slam it shut again, irritating you further.

You grabbed the nearest pillow and brought it to your face to muffle your scream.

**

Guilt began to settle as your initial anger faded away. You knew you had overreacted. For many years, it had just been you and the small family your mother had created. Neither you or Seraphine had made any friends in Ironcrest yet, unless you counted the friendly old male who you purchased spices and groceries from every Sunday. 

Your small family of four had unexpectedly and significantly reduced to half, leaving just you and Seraphine. Of course, she was excited when Cassian came along. You’d deny it if asked but a part of you was excited too.

He was sweet and kind but your worries crept in about what it meant to allow him into your tightly-knit world. What if things didn’t work out between you? What if the burdens you carried were too much for him to bear? You couldn’t allow him in further when your sister was already so attached to him, unable to bear the thought of having her witness another loved one disappear from her life.

You had to end this, whatever it was that you and Cassian had and you had to end it soon. Before any further damage could be provoked.

Throughout your life, stability had been a luxury, and the haunting fear of attachment loomed over you. The constant uprooting had instilled a deep seated fear of getting close to people. Every bond you had forged was inevitably followed by a painful goodbye. The walls safeguarding your heart, constructed since childhood, grew higher and stronger with every move. You had hoped that your mother’s marriage would bring a lasting change, a nice and needed break from moving, and for a while, it had.

However, the universe had a cruel way of reminding you that stability was a luxury you couldn’t afford. You would’ve never expected your one night stand with Cassian would lead to something more–to this. 

Cassian, with his unwavering determination, posed a threat to the walls you had carefully built around your heart. Love. It seemed like a beautiful risk but the fear of losing what was gained, overshadowed its allure for you. Your heart had never felt so heavy.

You took a deep breath before knocking on your sister’s door. The lack of response didn’t surprise you. She must still be upset. The soft glow of faelight seeping from beneath her door confirmed she was awake. Balancing the two mugs of hot cocoa in one arm, you opened the door and slipped inside.

Your stomach churned at the sight of your little sister, clutching the pegasus doll that Cassian had gifted her. Tears streaked her face as she gazed down solemnly.

“I brought you, your favorite. Hot cocoa,” you offered, hoping to bring a glimmer of cheer to her troubled expression.

“We’re a broken family, aren’t we?”

You frowned, setting the tray down on the nightstand, hesitating before answering. “Maybe but only a little…”

You settled yourself onto Seraphine’s bed, gently cradling her into your lap. “I’m sorry for earlier. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.”

“I like you better as a sister than a mother…” Seraphine sniffled.

“Yeah?” You tenderly brushed her long, dark hair away from her face in contemplation.

 A pang tugged at your heart–the weight of becoming a mother figure pressed on your shoulders. As a sister, you also played a nurturing and protective role in Seraphine’s upbringing, offering support when it was needed. You were the one Seraphine would run to for comfort after your mother's scolding or being stern with her, but now you were the one that had to be stern. It was a struggle finding the delicate balance between fulfilling the motherly duties Seraphine needed and preserving the sibling bond that meant the world to you.

“And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right?”

“Oh, my sweet Sera.” You replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead, your arms wrapping around her smaller form with a gentle squeeze. “Of course I do! I would not make my special hot cocoa for just anyone. Only you.”

You handed one of the mugs to her, smiling fondly as she inhaled the rich aroma of the hot cocoa.

“Cassian says ice cream is like frozen milk,” she mused softly. “I wonder what hot cocoa would taste like frozen but then it would no longer be hot cocoa, right? We would have to come up with a new name for it but I don’t think I like the sound of frozen cocoa…”

Her innocent dilemma made you laugh, finding it utterly endearing. You wanted her worries to always be like this. Small and trivial.

“Perhaps we should leave the cocoa out to freeze and find out for ourselves? We can decide on a name then.”

**

The night air was chilling, the cold wind biting at your cheeks. You hugged your coat closer to you, sparing at glance at Seraphine to make sure she still had hers on and the scarf you had bought her was snug to keep her neck warm. You couldn’t help but giggle when you caught Cassian, who had been persistent on walking you home, was constantly blowing his hair out of his face.

“Did you lose all your hair ties?” You quipped, digging into the pocket of your pants and offering a hair tie to him to alleviate his struggle. He reluctantly took the elastic from you and tied his hair up into his usual bun. You noticed he wore it down more recently. “You can keep it, too.”

“I just wanted to let it loose, try something different.” He replied with a casual shrug of his shoulders.

You let out a small hum, stuffing your hands back into your pockets to keep them hidden and fell into a thoughtful silence once more. There was a knot in your stomach as you three neared your house.

Seraphine, who once again had chosen to skip ahead of you two, paused. She turned around with a knowing gleam in her eye. Her lips curled up and she opened her mouth to speak and if you hadn’t been occupied in the tempest of your thoughts, you wouldn’t have missed Cassian bringing his finger to his lips to keep her from exposing him.

“Fancy hair,” she giggled, despite his plea.

“What was that?” You said, turning your head toward your sister.

Both Seraphine and Cassian exchanged a look before turning to you, responding in unison:

“Nothing!”

Your eyes narrowed at the two in suspicion but you decided not to question it.

When you three finally reached your home, Cassian was surprised at your invitation to come inside. You had never invited him inside, always bidding your farewells at your door. He walked in, overwhelmed by the sweet and delightful scent. It smelled just like you. His eyes darted around the living area curiously, taking in all the small touches you incorporated to make this place feel like a warm and inviting home.

 You instructed Seraphine to change and pick a book for you to read to her before bed. She politely said her goodbye and goodnight to Cassian, her movements slow as she was reluctant to follow your instructions. She had no desire to go to bed, not when Cassian was inside your home for the first time and you found the glare she sent you amusing.

Cassian was staring at the wilted and dead flowers resting in a small vase you had placed on the kitchen table, recognizing them as the ones he had gifted you so long ago. You never threw them away.

“Cassian.”

He loved the way you said his name. But it was different this time. He pulled his attention away from the kitchen table to look back at you. You leaned against the back of the loveseat in hesitation, your eyes revealing the weight of the decision you were about to make.

His throat tightened. “Yes?”

“I think it’s best if you stop coming here.” Your voice was laced with a vulnerability you hated and before Cassian could reply, you were speaking again. “I have to take care of my sister. I can’t risk her getting attached, more so than she already is and–and neither can I. We’ve lost so much already…”

A tear escaped your eye. You brushed it away with a trembling hand and then Cassian was bridging the distance between you both, his hand gently cupping your cheek and coaxing your gaze to his. 

“Y/n,” he gently whispered. “You’re not going to lose me.”

“How can you say that? What if something happens and–”

“Please don’t push me away.”

 “They call you the Lord of Bloodshed. You’re the commander of the High Lord’s armies. You made a name for yourself. And me? I am no one. I’m not worthy of love. Of you. You’ll soon realize it and grow tired of me–”

“Stop.” Cassian interrupted, bringing his other hand up to cup your face. His touch was both comforting and agonizing. “You are worthy of love and so much more and I want to prove it to you. There could be a room full of others but just like that night at the bonfire, I want you. I choose you.”

A heavy sigh escaped you as you gently removed his hands from your face. “But I can’t choose you. I have to choose Seraphine. I always will and right now, I can’t afford to have you both.”

The weight of your words hung in the air, a stark reminder of the responsibilities that anchored you, pulling you away from the love that beckoned.

Cassian grasped your hands in his, refusing to let them slip away. He did not want to let go of you. He understood the depth of your worries and the distress etched onto your features was breaking his heart. Why couldn’t you see yourself the way he saw you?

“I won’t force you into something that scares you, y/n.” He reassured you with a soft tone, his thumbs tracing soothing circles on the back of your hands. “I only want what’s best for you and Seraphine.”

Your lips trembled as you managed a small, strained smile.

“But you have to know that I love you–both of you. And this love, it’s not going anywhere. It’s a constant. A promise that will never waver.”

**

Cassian hadn’t returned and although you had asked for it, you couldn’t deny the lingering void in your heart. Seraphine sensed something was amiss when your voice wavered as you read her a bedtime story shortly after he left. Surprisingly, she refrained from asking about Cassian until a week later, almost as if she dreaded hearing the news that he wouldn’t be coming back. 

When she finally did, tears welled in her eyes and you comforted her, convincing yourself it was for the best. However, the attempt of reassurance was futile and did little to ease your own pain.

Seraphine sighed, absentmindedly nudging the green vegetable on her plate. Scrumps was propped on the table, facing her with its stitched eyes. “At least I still have you,” she murmured to the pegasus plush. “You’ll never leave me, right?”

You frowned at the sight, feeling helpless and unsure how to alleviate your sister’s sorrow. This was precisely what you had tried to shield her from and it stung to realize it was too late. The damage had already been done.

Your attention was then pulled away as the creaking door to the tavern swung open. The room fell into silence. The dining Illyrians, previously immersed in their conversations, cast furtive glances toward the entrance.

In stepped the formidable son of Ironcrest’s war-lord, Kallon. Another Illyrian stepped in behind him but he was overshadowed by Kallon’s commanding presence. His gaze swept over the room, eyes like steel, assessing every face, every corner of the establishment. The tension in the air was palpable. He was looking for someone.

The regulars exchanged subtle nods, acknowledging the unspoken command to show respect. Whispers died down, and the muted sound of footsteps echoed as he advanced further into the tavern. The atmosphere had shifted from one of amiability to one of quiet deference, all eyes now focused on the figure who seemed to hold the establishment in the palm of his hand.

Your eyes were wide and you felt your body tense. You almost forgot how to breathe when Kallon’s cold eyes found yours. Seraphine, who sensed your distress, hopped off her chair and ran to you. Her tiny hand found yours and you guided her to stand behind you as Kallon continued his approach.

“Kallon,” you managed to find your voice, forcing a smile onto your face as you bowed your head in respect. “Should I prepare a table for you and your companion?”

“There’s no need.” He replied. He then turned his head at the eavesdropping Illryians, his gaze a silent warning to them. It wasn’t until the menacing look on his face prompted a couple to abandon their tables and those that remained to resume their conversations that he turned his attention back to you. “I came here to speak to you.”

“Me?” You echoed, your voice daring to break. The male behind Kallon remained quiet but you caught the way his gaze had flickered to your little sister, who hid behind your skirts. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“It has come to my attention that you have been fraternizing with an Illyrian male from Windhaven–” Kallon’s lips curled up in disgust and you felt Seraphine’s grip on you tighten. “– who just so happens to also be the High Lord’s general.”

“His name is Cassian.” Seraphine said, peeking out from behind you to scowl at Kallon.

Kallon looked toward your sister with a scoff. You pressed Seraphine into your hip to keep her from speaking again, worried of the consequences that may unfold. “He’s just a friend.”

Kallon’s attention drifted back to you, his gaze burning into you. “It seems you and I have different understandings of a friend because friends don’t kiss each other now do they?”

Your breath hitched. The two of you seldom interacted with each other. The last time you did was to report your mother’s murder. You cursed yourself at that moment, disappointed with yourself. You had failed to recognize that Cassian was well known throughout Illyria and to make it worse, he was from Windhaven. A rival camp to Ironcrest. You wondered how long Kallon had been following you and why he waited to confront you about it now, several months later since Cassian’s first visit. 

“I–”

“It’s not a good look for you, y/n.” Kallon shook his head in disapproval with a small tut. “You of all people should know the consequences of whoring yourself out. Finding a husband will be troublesome for you and if you continue down this path, it is not a good example for your dear little sister.”

Your blood grew cold at the insult and you forced yourself to look up to keep the tears that were threatening to spill at bay. “I’m s–”

“It seems I may have failed you in some aspects.” Kallon interrupted, raising a finger at you in warning. He turned his attention to the empty glasses lined at the counter. “It is my job, after all, to help my father run this camp and it seems that I have overlooked you. Poor little y/n. You have been running this business and raising your sister all on your own.”

His fingers danced along the counter, a wicked gleam in his eyes. The sound of breaking glass echoed through the air, a sharp and crystalline shatter that reverberated through your bones and had Seraphine wincing into your body. You stared at the shattered glass at your feet, heart pounding through your ears.

“But it is not your place to do so.” Kallon reprimanded, his voice seething with a barely contained intensity. “It is his.”

You lifted your gaze.

The Illyrian male that had been quietly observant finally stepped forward. His features held a strange familiarity you couldn’t quite place. His eyes were cold and distant, lips pressed into a taut line.

“This is Aerik. Seraphine’s uncle.”

**

The wind was knocked out of you as the day you had dreaded finally came. Kallon had tracked down your step father’s only living relative– his brother, Aerik. The illusion you had so carefully crafted was unraveling and you found yourself at the precipice, forced to surrender the tavern and Seraphine, as if she were a mere object, to him.

But you knew the future that laid ahead for Seraphine if she stayed with her uncle. To you, she was your precious little sister, the one you had devoted your life to. To him, she was disposable, reduced to nothing but a bargaining tool once she was of marrying age. 

She would not have the freedom to be a child as she did with you. She would be groomed to become a submissive wife and soon enough, her wings would be clipped. A tradition that had been banned but not enforced in Ironcrest. You could not allow any harm to fall to your sister, not when you were alive and capable of taking care of her. You wondered if this is how your mother had felt when she had you, cornered by the cruel world.

Kallon had left moments ago, along with the remaining customers, but now without a warning. A threat to harm you and Cassian in unimaginable ways if Kallon heard of Cassian meeting with you again.

"I don't give a fuck if he's the High Lord's pet. This is my father's camp and as his son, I have the authority to punish those who dare cross us as needed."

You had instructed Seraphine to go to the kitchens to help tidy up, leaving you and Aerik alone. Your eyebrows knitted together in an exasperated manner, bewildered by his demands. 

You were a half breed–half high fae, half Illyrian–and a bastard. You were of little significance to Aerik–to any male in this damned camp, if you were being honest–and his plans with Seraphine did not include you. He wanted to take her away from you. For good.

He shifted, directing himself toward the kitchen and you were stopping him. Your hand gripped his arm desperately. “Seraphine needs me.”

Aerik tore his arm from your grasp with a snarl, using it to grip yours instead in retribution. His grip was hard and bruising and had you grimacing. “Is this what she needs?” He seethed, vividly gesturing to the tavern and lack of order in Seraphine’s life.

 “It seems clear to me that you need her a lot more than she needs you.”

**

Cassian told himself he would give you space, as tortuous as it was for him. It’s what you had asked him for. He missed you dearly, often wondering if you were feeling that painful ache in your heart too. Despite the temptation, he resisted the urge to ask Azriel to check in on you with his shadows, not wanting to bring his friend into this tangled messy emotions he found himself grappling with. He couldn’t shake the desire to check up on you one more time, hoping that you might've change your mind.

A week later, when an overwhelming sense of unease gripped him, he set off for Ironcrest.

Cassian pushed open the door to the familiar tavern, his second home as Rhysand had teased him weeks ago. His eyes scanned the room in search of you like they always did, but he couldn't spot the one person he was hoping to see. His head was then turning to the table Seraphine often occupied only to find it empty. 

An unsettling feeling knotted in his stomach when he couldn’t spot either of you, not missing the glare the male behind the counter had sent his way. It confirmed his suspicion that you weren’t here. Growing concerned, he decided to look for you, hoping you were safe and sound at home.

The journey was swift as it was one he knew by heart, his footsteps echoing through the quiet streets. When he reached your door, he hesitated for a moment. He could see the subtle glow of a light, coming from the small window that he knew faced your living room. He heard a squeak come from inside, recognizing it as Seraphine’s, and then he was knocking on your door.

There was a faint rustling inside and then the door creaked open. Cassian’s confusion set in as he initially saw no one at the other side. It wasn’t until he heard a sharp gasp that his gaze shifted downward, relief washing over him as he spotted Seraphine.  

“Cas Cas!” Seraphine’s expression brightened, reveling in his presence and wrapping her tiny arms around him when he crouched down. “I thought I’d never see you again!”

“It’s good to see you too, munchkin.” Cassian smiled fondly, lifting her up with ease. He had missed her so much too.

“Sera, it’s time for your ba–Cassian?” You blinked, your grip on the towel in your hand tightening. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Can I come in?”

You looked past his shoulders worriedly and hesitantly nodded.

Cassian stepped into the foyer, crouching down to let Seraphine down. She grasped at his hand, guiding him to the living room where you stood with a forced smile on your face.

His worry deepened as he looked at you. "You weren’t at the tavern so I came to–to see you.”

To make sure you’re alright, is what he wanted to say but within seconds of seeing you, he knew you weren’t. Yet, you still attempted to dismiss his concern with a casual shrug. “My step-uncle is taking over the tavern now.”

“Oh yeah, Cas! I have a step-uncle now and he’s so nice to me. He bought me a new coloring book and so many toys! Do you want to see?”

Cassian realized that the glaring male from the tavern must be Seraphine’s step-uncle. He caught the way you bit the inside of your cheek at your little sister’s words, sensing something more beneath the surface.

“Sure.” He replied to Seraphine.

He waited until she disappeared down the hallway to take a step closer to you. “Is everything okay?”

A fleeting moment of hesitation flickered in your eyes that you quickly concealed, hoping he didn’t notice. But he did.

 "I'm fine, really. Just a bit tired but thankfully Aerik offered to step in to help.”

Despite her attempt to reassure him, Cassian couldn't shake the feeling of unease. The lines of worry etched on his face as he spoke, "You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

“Yeah,” you nodded your head nonchalantly at him.

“Y/n.” His voice was gentle but stern and he reached out for your hands.

His fingers accidentally brushed against the bruise Aerik had left the other night and you couldn’t mask the wince that followed. Cassian stilled, eyes glancing down and widening at the marking of your skin. “Y/n, Sweetheart–”

“It’s nothing.” You were pulling your arm from his grasp and out of his view, clasping them behind your back. “I tripped and hit my arm against the counter the other night.”

Cassian felt a burning feeling in his chest, his teeth clenching. Someone had touched you--hurt you.

“Does this have anything to do with the sudden appearance of Seraphine’s uncle?”

“No.” Your response was too quick to be anything but a lie. “Aerik has been kind to us. So kind that he offered to help me find a husband.”

More lies. Your fear and anxiety grew with every passing moment that Cassian remained in Ironcrest. Kallon’s menacing warnings echoed in your mind, threatening dire consequences for both you and Cassian, if he ever returned. Since he had gone to the tavern to look for you, you were sure Aerik had seen him. Cassian was not one to easily blend into the crowd with his imposing stature, striking features and seven siphons. It was only a matter of time before he would run off to go tell Kallon.

You knew Cassian was a formidable warrior from all the gossip and tales you'd heard at the bonfire. Still, you couldn't shake your fear. Cassian was in enemy territory. Vastly outnumbered. He had to leave.

Cassian shook his head in disbelief, swallowing hard. “What?”

Stepping forward, he closed the distance between you, his intense gaze burning into your skin as you actively avoided it. “Is this what you want?”

“It’s what is best,” you told him, sidestepping his question. “So please leave. I don’t want Aerik to get the wrong idea by having you here in the house alone with me.”

“Y/N–”

“I’m so sorry, Cassian.”

Walking away, you felt your heart begin to shatter, unaware that you had also shattered his. You wiped at your eyes once you knew you were out of his view, holding your breath as you moved down the hallway. Seraphine ran past you with her coloring book and you couldn’t bring yourself to stop her.

Seraphine paused, her chest heaving as she caught up with her breath. Her lips curved into a deep frown when she spotted Cassian heading for the door. “Cas Cas, where are you going? I was going to show you my coloring book…"

"I thought you were here to stay.”

Cassian couldn’t bring himself to answer her and as young as she was, she recognized the look in his eyes. It mirrored the expression on your face before you had to deliver bad news. 

“You can leave again if you want.” Seraphine said as realization dawned on her. She casted her head down.

“I’ll remember you though. I remember everyone that leaves.”

[series masterlist]

A/N: don't hate me for breaking Cas's heart. I just live for the angst 🫠 if it's any consolation, this will have a happy ending 🩷

tagging: @kemillyfreitas

[dreamwritersworld]

favorite crime. (Miles morales x reader)

For as long as Y/n and miles could remember they’ve known each other since they were children! Anytime Y/n needed comfort from her two parents constant arguing or miles was just far too stressed, you know they were with each other.

Everyone could see except them, that something was growing and they yearned for each other. That was until there was a shift and something became between them.

Every Sunday Y/n would come over for family dinner, bringing a meal she prepared with the happiest smile….it started with him missing the most important dinner.

“Hola, Mrs.Morales! How are you? I made arroz con leche for tonight, hope you like it!! Where’s miles?”

Rio’s face smiled any chance she could when she saw the way Y/n loved miles, he was always the first one she’d look for.

“Miles!…Miles!”

The mother put her head to her forehead sighing as silence was the only response to her calling.

“Ugh he must be asleep. Go get him please!”

Rio rushed the food to the table setting up her meal.

“Miles…”

Y/n walked in quietly to see an empty room and her whole demeanor changed, for the first time Miles missed dinner.

“I-um miles isn’t here. Maybe he went to go grab something-“

“Miles?! He would never miss a Sunday dinner with you! Must be something super important, you know he wouldn’t do it on purpose hun-“

Jeff gave Y/n hope that, that’s all it was.

“Oh- Hi Mr.morales, you’re probably right!”

They all sat down and began eating their meal, although Y/n enjoyed the moment of calmness compared to her normal home…there was an ache in her heart that something was wrong. Even with all the spider duties Miles promised he’d never miss anything with her.

Those promises were broken. The closer miles got to Gwen, the farther Y/n came to mind. The poor girl would come home soaking wet after waiting for miles at the places he told her to meet him at. All Y/n could do was text him and hope for the best, it was harder to talk to him nowadays. When they did hangout Miles couldn’t be any more distant than he already was.

At least In those small changes when they hung out there wasn’t a deep sadness, maybe boredness from Y/n not being Gwen…but now Miles was hard to hangout with, something was clearly always on his mind and bothering him. It hurt Y/n to see him so frustrated, sad and quiet…so she finally asked him.

“Miles what’s wrong? Is it the spider stuff? You haven’t seemed as happy..”

The boy looked up with a surprised face, it had been so long since they had a genuine conversation that he forgot Y/n knew him like the back of his hand.

“It’s just- ugh it’s Gwen. She’s gone now. I miss her, I need her.”

Y/n’s heart broke hearing the words and behavior miles used to do for her, complain about missing Y/n to his mother. He used to always miss Y/n. However, Y/n was far too kind to deny his clear emotions of frustration right now so she passed a smile.

“It’s ok miles, if she left it’s just because she returned to her world. That’s ok if it means she’s happier.”

Her own words hurt her, she loved miles so much…if he were the rain she would never open an umbrella. Instead, she’d lie down on the concrete and enjoy every drop that laid on her skin, she’d drown there even if it meant drowning in him.

“What? No. She’s the happiest she ever was here! You don’t know her! You don’t get it.”

Y/n’s eyes widened at the anger and yelling Miles was now putting towards her, Y/n was the only one miles could talk about Gwen with and she didn’t get it, not the way he wanted her to.

“Miles..you don’t have to yell I- I do get it! I see it. You’re displaying exactly how you feel for me to know all of it-“

“Just be quiet and go Y/n.”

Y/n’s eyebrows furrowed and tears built up when she turned around to grab her backpack. No matter how upset miles was he never yelled and was never seriously mad at her. He was just so frustrated that it was Y/n there, not Gwen. Miles could feel the tension..he felt bad but not enough to apologize so when Y/n took one last look at him while he faced away from her she could feel her heartache and he could hear her rapid heartbeat, her hushed panic breaths, and the small tear falling onto her jacket..although it was very faint.

For some reason miles got a sense, a bad one…something to do with Y/n but he ignored it. What he didn’t know was that it meant their paths were changing…

!❤️💙!

Hope you like it! This is my first story about something other than avatar so it’s not the best, sorry about that! Love you guys though! Hope your doing good!

[number1mingyustan]

Stay ✹ ☾

exbf!joshua x fem!reader

Warnings: cursing, kissing, definitely not a healthy relationship, fingering (f.), unprotected sex (pls be safe it's caused enough problems for these two), multiple orgasms

Summary: No matter how bad it is for you, Joshua will always stay

Word Count: 2.7k

_______________________________________________

(a/n: obviously still not proofread lmao, but it’s been a while since i’ve posted content that wasn’t ‘the long game’ so i felt like i owed you guys something)

“You’re late,” you frown.

Joshua stands outside your apartment door, equally as annoyed as you. “Well hello to you too.”

Your son is over his shoulder sleeping peacefully and Joshua is holding his bag in his other hand. It’s Sunday night and you’ve been up worrying about his whereabouts for the past hour.

“You picked him up an hour late on Friday, and now you’re late again,” you scoff. “We talked about this.”

He lets out an exhausted sigh. “Can you at least let me in before you scold me?”

There’s a brief moment of silence. Joshua looks at you, you look back at him.

You finally move out the way, no longer blocking the door to let him in. You take your son’s bag out of Joshua’s hand, placing it in the living room.

“I’m gonna tuck him in,” Joshua whispers.

Before you can protest, Joshua is already walking toward your son, Juyeon’s room quietly.

By the time he comes back, you’re leaned over the kitchen counter with a glass of wine in your hand. Classic.

He eyes you, walking toward the front door.

“Do you want a glass?“ you offer.

“No thank you,” he responds. “I have to drive home and I’ve got work in the morning.”

You scoff. “Suit yourself.”

He rolls his eyes. “You know this whole coparenting thing doesn’t work if you’re just gonna act like a bitch for the next 15 years.”

“Excuse me?“ you retort.

You and Joshua never got married. You fell apart before you could ever get to that point. The two of you met when he was 19 and you were 18 through some mutual friends. You fell for each other immediately, no hesitation in starting a relationship.

The first two and a half years were perfect.

You guys never really talked about kids prior. It was something for the far future. Or at least it was supposed to be.

You got pregnant at 21 and everything fell apart. Neither of you were really ready to be parents, but you tried. You really tried, but it took a toll on your relationship.

Once the fights started, they never stopped. They continued to get worse over time. You both wanted different things, and a crying baby at all times only made it harder.

And eventually everything just… turned to shambles.

You put up with it for 3 years and it was hell. The fighting was constant, and a few months ago your and Joshua were finally able to agree on one thing: you couldn’t raise your son in an environment like this.

It’s been almost 4 months since you and Joshua officially broke up. Truth be told, you guys ended it a year and a half prior, but it wasn’t completely official. You still lived together, often slept in the same bed amongst over things. But the spark wasn’t really there anymore.

Juyeon is now 3 and he lives with you in your apartment.Joshua gets him every weekend and that’s just how things are.

It’s been 4 months since you guys started coparenting, and it was actually going quite smoothly. Joshua picked him up every Friday after daycare and brought him back at 7 on sunday. It was all going smoothly until last weekend.

“For fuck’s sake Y/n,” he exclaims. “You are so fucking difficult sometimes! I literally cannot do anything without you up my ass!”

“Maybe if you were more responsible I wouldn’t have to be!” you respond.

“I can’t believe you’re still not over that,” he rolls his eyes. “How much do you want me apologize? Nothing even happened!”

“You brought a complete stranger into your home while our son was with you! You let him be with a complete stranger Joshua!” you should.

He massages his temples. “Because you brought him over Y/n! You told me your parents wanted to spend the weekend with him, so I was willing to give it up. And then you told me last minute that they weren’t going to be able to take him and I could have my weekend back. You seriously cannot be mad at me when I already made plans!”

“You let that woman be around my son and you didn’t talk to me about it.” you look him dead in the eye.

He laughs humorlessly. “Honestly I think you’re more bothered by the fact that I was on a date more than the fact that she met him.”

“Go fuck yourself.” you respond.

“What? Did i hit a nerve?” he smirks.

“You are so frustrating!” you exclaim.

Suddenly, the soft sound of footsteps fills your ears. You and Joshua turn in unison, seeing a sleepy Juyeonin the kitchen.

“Ma?” he questions, rubbing his eyes.

Your heart breaks a little at the sight. Juyeon is standing there in his pyjamas, questioning why his parents are screaming at each other. It’s exactly what you wanted the avoid, the entire reason you and Josh called it quits.

“Juyeon honey,go back to bed,” you tell him softly.

“I heard yelling,” he responds with a pout.

You quickly glance back at Joshua, he looks just as upset as you.

“Everything’s okay bubs, it’s just grown up stuff,” you coo. “I’m gonna tuck you in now okay?”

He yawns,and nods, reaching up his hands so you can pick him up. You secure his body, lifting him up and walking toward Joshua. “Say goodnight to Daddy.”

However, your son is stubborn just like you. He refuses, tightening his grip on you and refusing to acknowledge his father. “Don’t wanna,” he whines. “Want Daddy to tuck me in.”

“I thought I was tucking you in?” you respond.

Juyeon yawns again. “Want both of you to do it.”

You and Joshua exchange a quick glance, silently agreeing that you’ll do it together. The three of you walk to your son’s bedroom. You place his body in the bed, Joshua helping you to properly tuck him in. You both say your good nights and I love yous before heading back to the kitchen.

The tension between the two of you is just as thick, if not thicker than before. You’re both ashamed of having been caught arguing by your son.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

You sigh. “You don’t have to keep apologizing. I was just being petty

“If it makes you feel any better,” he gives you a half-smile. “She and I broke up. Wasn’t gonna work out.”

“Oh,” you frown. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he leans against the counter. “She wasn’t the one for me.”

He stared at you as if you’re the only person in the world. You swear his eyes light up when he speaks.

“At least you’ve gotten to go out,” you shrug. “I’m in a bit of a dry spell.”

You? Joshua doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. For the entirety of your relationship with him, you were like a magnet. There were too many times he recalled having to shoo away guys who tried to hit on you.

“As long as you and I were together, there was always some guy on you. I’m finding that a little hard to believe,” he comments.

“It’s different for you than it is me,” you shrug. “Girls love it when guys have kids because they get to play mom without being mom and they think kids are cute. Guys don’t want the responsibility of someone else’s kid, so they avoid it as much as they can. Don’t think I’ll be finding the one for me any time soon.”

He’s staring at you again, analyzing and internalizing your every word. He doesn't know why, but he wants to kiss you so bad right now. It's crazy how quickly he can go from yelling at you to wanting to have another kid.

Crazy.

That's how you make him feel, how you make each other feel. You drive each other crazy, somehow in both the best and worst ways possible.

He clears his throat. "I should go."

"Yeah," you breathe. "I'll walk you out."

The two of you take a few steps toward the door. You open it and he takes another step. Before he walks out, you grab his arm.

"I'm really sorry about how I've been acting," you apologize again.

"It's fine, we'll work it out," his gaze shifts between your eyes and your lips. He really wants to kiss you.

"Yeah," you breathe out. "I'll see you Friday? And you'll text me if you need anything?"

He nods, gazing down at your lips again. There's a moment of silence. He doesn't walk out the door like to expect him to.

"Josh-"

He cuts you off by pressing his lips against yours. His actions shock you, but kissing him is like muscle memory. Before you know it, you're pinned against the wall of the kitchen and he's kicked the door closed. The kiss is heated and passionate, no different than how he's always kissed you.

His lips are sweet, likely from whatever candy you know he's been feeding Juyeon. Instinctively his hands rest on your hips, lightly squeezing. You moan softly into his mouth, relishing in his touch.

He pulls away suddenly. You're both panting softly, looking at one another with purely shocked expressions.

"I'm sorry, fuck– I shouldn't have– 'M sorry," he rambles, running his hands frantically through his hair. "I should really go."

You look up at him with a soft gaze. Your eyes are round and beady, gleaming with hope. You missed him. You've been trying to convince yourself for the last 4 months that you were fine without him, but deep down inside you knew it was all lies.

Admittedly yes, you two fell apart years prior, but you realized just how much you needed him after he was gone. Waking up to an empty bed may have started 2 years ago, but waking up to an empty home was something you hated the thought of getting used to.

"Stay," you plead.

"I can't," his voice breaks. "This isn't good for us."

"Josh," you pout. "Stay."

Fuck. He should leave, he should really leave. You two aren't good for each other anymore. Maybe you can work decently as parents, but when you bring the romance back into the equation, things go downhill. Fuck, he should really leave.

But he can't. Not when you're looking at him like that. Your eyes are practically fucking begging him to stay. He should really go.

"Okay," he whispers. His lips are on yours again. Your whole body heats up as he kisses you. He taps your thigh, signaling you to jump.

You lift your legs, wrapping them around his waist as he carries you. He places your body on the counter and starts leaving kisses along your neck. His fingers sneakily travel up your nightgown, sliding your panties down to your ankles and onto the floor.

You tilt your head back as his lips travel toward your breasts. One of the straps falls to your shoulder almost on cue, exposing one of your breasts to him. You lift your hips slightly as you feel his fingers slide up your thigh.

He pushes a finger inside of you, causing you to let out a soft moan. His lips are wrapped around your nipple.

“Joshy,” you whine. “Want you inside of me.”

He feels his cock throb in his pants. He’s already failing in his self control by doing this with you and your words are so tempting. As tempting as it was to slip his cock inside of you at that moment, he knew he couldn’t.

“Not yet,” he mumbles against your skin. “ ‘S been too long, gotta prep you first.”

He pumps his finger a few times before adding another. You’re a moaning mess, cunt clenching around his fingers desperately.

His thumb circles your clit as he pumps his fingers in and out of you. You’re panting his name, pushing your hips into his digits with every movement.

“Shua,” you pant. “So good, you’re so good.”

Your words only encourage him. His fingers pick up in pace, coaxing you closer and closer to your orgasm. His fingers are completely coated in your arousal, dripping onto the counter. You’ll have to clean that later,

The coil in your lower stomach finally snaps and you enter a state of bliss. Your orgasm came much faster than anticipated, but of course, it was Josh.

It may have been a while, but Joshua knew you better than you knew yourself. Where all your sweet spots were, what ticked you off, what made you smile. He’d never forget those things about you.

He pulls his fingers out of you. slipping them into his mouth. He sucks lightly, letting out a quiet moan. He’s missed the way you taste.

You hardly give it a second before you’re reaching for his pants, frantic to feel him inside of you. He chuckles, undoing his pants to give you what you want.

His cock springs free, and he drags his tip across your folds. Your arousal coats the head of his cock as you push your hips against him. It’s almost pathetic how desperate you are for him. However, he hesitates.

“Baby,” he sighs. “I don’t have any condoms.”

“Don’t care, just want you inside of me,” you whine.

You’re not thinking straight. You know better, but you choose to play the fool. It’s been so long since you and Joshua have been together like this. Even if it’s temporary, you want to milk the experience for as much as you can. You’ve missed this too much to less the opportunity pass by.

Joshua however, is still hesitant. “Baby I know, but we really shouldn’t-“

“I’m on the pill,” you cut him off.

You were also on the pill when you got pregnant with Juyeon. It was shitty luck that you somehow still got pregnant and it would be even shittier luck if it happened again. But the chances are slim, and you’re so consumed by lust in the moment that you continue to play the fool.

Joshua likes to think he’s good with his self control, unless he’s with you. You make it hard for him to show restraint, and it often leads to chaos. He knows this, but he too chooses to play to fool.

So he lets you win, and he gives you what he wants. He fucks you hard and fast on the kitchen counter. His hands flies to your mouth in an attempt to keep you quiet.

His pace is relentless, hips slamming into you roughly. Your moans are muffled again his hand, but they’re just loud enough for him to hear and use as encouragement.

Your body jerks back with each thrust as he bottoms out. His cock fills you up, hitting every sweet spot inside of you effortlessly.

He knew he wasn’t gonna last long from the moment he slipped his first finger in you. You were so tight and warm around his fingers, he knew once he was inside of you it would milk him completely dry.

His cock twitches inside of you, indicating his impending orgasm. Selflessly, his thumb finds its way back to your clit. He circles it quickly, bringing back the familiar feeling in your lower abdomen.

He just wants to watch you cum again. Your orgasms are a sight to see, and selfishly he wants to watch it again. It’s been so long and he knows he can get you there quickly.

He knows he should pull out, but once your second orgasm hits, he’s a goner. You’re tightening and throbbing around him, making it nearly impossible for him to pull out, not that he ever had the self control to do it anyway.

His cock is buried deep inside of you as he cums, painting your walls entirely white. Considering how long it’s been since he’s last touched you, he spills a large load into you. You milk him for every drop he has to offer.

He drops his hand, uncovering your mouth. Both of your minds are still fuzzy as you come down from your highs. You’re both panting heavily in place as your minds clear up.

He looks down, wincing at the sight. He finally pulls out of you slowly. You cringe as he slips out, looking down and seeing the absolute mess you made.

Fuck, he came a lot.

You briefly make eye contact with Joshua as the post-nut clarity hits. You bite your bottom lip nervously.

Neither of you say it out loud, but you’re both thinking the same thing. You really really hope the pill works this time.

_______________________________________________

© number1mingyustan - Do not repost without permission.

[anadiasmount]

distant feeling -- mason mount x reader.

back again bffr. wasnt sure but i kinda love?? feel free to send any request or feed back <;33

You layed on his chest, tracing small shapes on his chest, listening to his heartbeat after your recent activities. You looked back and thought of how you ended up here, tangled underneath the sheets naked. A simple argument about how you felt led here. 

“I’m sorry Mason, I'm sorry I can’t be that girl for you. You put so much pressure and high expectations on me. I was just trying to have fun, I deserve it after the week I had,” you yelled frustratedly. He scoffed and then chuckled, rubbing his fingers over his chin while licking his lips. “You deserve it? I had training all week, a game this afternoon, and you're ‘exhausted’ ” He tried to reason but failed. 

“Yes, I am! I’ve had to work with people I despise, get treated differently because I'm a woman, and try to maintain myself stable and earn money. So yes I deserved to go out with friends and let myself loosen up. It just happened you were there. Don’t blame it on me for your performance and loss today,” You spat back. This was getting you nowhere, but you couldn't help but feel a little sad and disappointed at his words. He knows how much you’ve sacrificed.

“I wasn't-” you cut him off laughing, “Oh shut it, yes you were! This whole evening, you forced me to come to your house, letting any negative comments come out”. He walked near you but you walked back trying to keep the distance, “If you have nothing better to say but talk bad then I'm leaving,” you stated preparing to leave grabbing your small clutch. 

You began to walk away when he stayed silent but felt chills when his strong, big, and warm hand wrapped around your wrist. Feeling his breath on the nape of your neck, as his hands traveled to your waist. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” you whispered, wanting to know what was on his mind. “Don’t go. I'm sorry, you're right I was trying to take my anger out, but you don’t deserve that. I’ve been in a mood since Sunday… and today’s result is making me into an asshole I know,” You sighed. This was a constant cycle with him, always trying to get you to forgive him after his words cause a burden inside you. 

“You can’t always do that Mase… I'm trying to understand you believe me, but it's every time. It's always me, not anyone else. Am I just a punchbag to you?” Your voice was shaky, trying to prevent the tears. “God no, you’re much more than that baby…” there he goes again calling you pet names when things between you weren’t serious. 

You’ve liked him, no loved him ever since you got to walk around with him on the pitch after the Champions League game. Since he helped you decorate your apartment in London. Since he offered and risked himself when you got the flu, getting your favorite snacks and soup from the small restaurant around the corner. 

But it's always hot and cold. He sometimes only came to you when it was convenient, making you realize deep down that maybe you weren't for him… Seeing how he went out with rather pretty models, maybe them only being with him for his money or name. That stuff never mattered to you. You only wanted him, but when he wasn't around it hurt you more. 

This was the first time you had seen him in over two weeks. He looked good, with a white Louis Vuitton button-up shirt and black pants. Nothing he was forced or made to wear. His hair was now growing, thankfully as you missed the longer middle-parted hair.  You were dancing with a drink in your hand, smiling as the alcohol slowly entered your system. 

When your friend pulled you aside you didn't picture it was true till you looked over and saw him. “Bestie, he won’t stop looking! This is your chance, Y/n,” she says trying to push you off but you shook your head. “I’ve had those ‘chances’ in the past. They succeeded nowhere, either him drunk or with a girl sitting on his lap. No way! Let’s forget about him and just dance!” You said, throwing your hands in the air cheering. 

To say the least, it hurt because two weeks ago you told yourself you’ll only talk to him when he comes to you, no more of the ‘how are you?’ or ‘sorry mase’. He hadn't once communicated with you and you missed him more than ever but he slowly showed his true colors. You swayed your hips, and to your surprise, a tall blonde gripped your hips. 

You turned over and wrapped your arms around his neck, laughing at his attempt at dancing, he pulled you closer but was pulled away by an angry Mason. The blond scoffed and left. You rolled your eyes and left before he could say anything to you. He didn’t say anything either followed you around till you got outside, you wanted to yell and scream but in public wasn't the ideal place. 

“I think I should go… You have training tomorrow-” he yells making you flinch. “Y/n I don’t care about training! Or anything to do with the team. I care about us. Trying to figure out how we can fix things. How have we haven't talked in two weeks? Me finding out you had a date with a guy I didn’t know about.”

“So this is what it is? You’re jealous.”

“Fucking hell I am! It should be me making you laugh, hold your hand while we walk at the park you like, visit Axel your favorite german shepherd at the vet you like. It should be me who you fall asleep next to, come to me when you’re feeling upset or down. I want to be that man Y/n,” he spins you around grabbing your cheeks and making you look to see his teary face.

He sighs shaking his head, “How can we fix things? I can now acknowledge I wasn’t the best friend but I love you, baby. This distance killed me, not being able to talk to you or hold you were doing it for me. I thought you wanted space from me, but then I found out that. And don’t even start, I know he was a douchebag to you, your friend Ella told me.”

You made a face, making a note to talk to her later. All you can think about is him saying ‘I love you. It brought butterflies to your stomach, after so long it felt good and unreal for him to say that. “It pained me too, but my overthinking took place. I thought you didn't want me around anymore. Your replies were dry and small. You rarely called or texted me and when I did, you couldn’t answer,” Your voice was small and hoarse. 

“I was scared before, scared you wouldn't like me… or didn't think I was enough for you. What most scared me was how I started to feel around you. I was afraid of the thought of losing you one day because of me, hell I almost did. But now I'm sure, and I want you. To come out and support me like before, make Summer laugh, cook those ridiculously good red velvet cookies, or hold me, kiss my head as you do,” he confesses. 

You were stunned, unable to form words, so you reached over grabbed his face, and pulled your lips in together. He groans at the feeling, wrapping his arms around you. His tongue slowly grazed your bottom lip, begging but silently asking you to open your mouth to see what you’d taste like. 

You pulled back, still resting your hands on his shoulders, “I’d think I would love that. If it means being with you or close to you then absolutely. I love you too Mason, ever since you called me silly for not like ketchup with eggs,” you teased making him giggle. 

“Oh shut it, you know its superior,” he fired back, you made a face but yelped when he lifted you onto the counter. He left more kisses on your lips, dragging them down to your neck where he left wet open mouth kisses slightly sucking at times, his tongue grazing below your pulse. Both of you wanted this, so it led you upstairs, where you made love that night. 

He noticed you weren’t falling asleep, he looked down and saw you already staring at him. “Is this real? Are we actually here together right now?” you couldn't help but ask making him laugh. He rolled over and now layed on your chest, getting comfy by wrapping his broad arm around you. “Yes baby. This is happening, just us two… after so long.”

“I love you, Mason,” your words caused his heart to begin to beat faster, it's the effect it had on him. He lifted himself up placing one last long kiss on your lips, leaning your forehead together. 

“I love you more Y/n”.

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

Migraine

Credit: Pic found on Pinterest | Dividers from @firefly-graphics

Summary: You’ve been hit with an unexpected migraine; it was so unexpected and strong that you had to ask for help. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester Warnings: Migraines, headaches, pain, crying because of pain, vomiting, sickness, PMSing, mention of shark week. Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: This is purely self-indulgent. This is something that happened to me two weeks ago. I suffered a lot while going through this. I'm doing fine now, just wished I had Sam and Dean with me to take care of me.

Headaches were something you were used to getting them at least once a week. It was something pretty common for you to have them since you always had issues with your sight. But the first time you experienced a migraine, you thought you were going to die. You didn't know how to deal with it since what you were trying to do to ease the pain wasn't working. You asked some friends how to handle them and they gave you some tips and tricks that might be helpful for the future. You needed to be prepared for the next migraine if it ever happened again.

But then, what you thought were occasional headaches became constant. You started to get them every two or three days. You were constantly feeling pressure behind your eyes after having a long day of work, your neck and back were stiff most of the day, your sleeping schedule changed because of these symptoms. Everything was changing and you didn't know what to do to handle them. You tried to keep doing what your friends had shared with you, but these symptoms were reluctant to disappear. You spent almost a week with your symptoms and they never left, so you did what you thought was best, you ignored them and learned to live with them. It was the best thing to do. You thought you had finally figured it out and had everything under control. Keyword being thought. You weren’t expecting what came next.

Monday morning, the start of a new week of work. You woke up feeling great, in a very good mood, ready to rock the day. Unfortunately, an hour after you’d started you got overwhelmed with the number of things you had to do, triggering your anxiety. Because of the stress you’ve put yourself through, a small headache started to form at the back of your head. To prevent it from getting worse, you took a painkiller and kept with your day.

Tuesday was the same thing, stress related to work, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed and the headache made its appearance once again. Wednesday was your worst day, your neck was stiff, your shoulders were hurting, the headache was getting stronger, you were still anxious and overwhelmed. Your body was screaming for a break. That night, right before bed, you took a stronger painkiller, knowing it was going to help you sleep.

On Thursday, most of your symptoms were gone. Finally, you were able to feel like yourself again. The headache was still there but it was barely noticeable, you knew that by the end of the day it was gone. Friday started okay but as the day went by, everything went downhill. The stress all over again, the anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, the headache showed up again. By this point of the week, you were kinda worried, you've been having a headache for five days now, it's true, there were days that it didn't bother you much, but you could feel it. You just hoped the weekend was going to be better than your week.

The weekend arrived, you've already planned a few things to do that you've been postponing for a while now, you were excited for the weekend.

Yeah, right, no. That was not going to happen.

Saturday morning started with strong cramps, shark week started; you sighed, now everything made sense. Your body was PMSing and you didn't register it. Your period was a few days early, but now that you knew exactly what was going on everything was going to get better for real. You were aware that on Sunday you weren't going to do too many things, it was the second day of your period and it was always the worst day. You took this as an excuse and did nothing, you gave your body the break it deserved. You just spent the day in bed, chilling for a bit.

That night, getting ready for bed was a difficult task, you could barely keep yourself upright. You were very dizzy, your head was pounding, you felt like your skull was being squeezed, you felt like the lights were burning your eyes. Your body was showing symptoms of fighting a fever because you were shivering so bad but you were feeling hot at the same time. Your dizziness was making you feel nauseous, at this point, you just wanted a restful night of sleep.

When you were ready to go to bed, you put a wet cloth around your eyes, most of the time the coldness helped to relax your eyes and forehead and let you sleep a bit more comfortably, but not tonight. As soon as your head hit the pillow, everything worsened a hundred times, by now you didn't know what else to do, you just started to cry because of the pain.

You checked your body temperature, you were still shivering and feeling hot at the same time. Thankfully, your fever wasn't high, just a little bit. But since you were cold and didn't have a fever too high, you covered yourself with just two thin blankets to keep your body somewhat warm to avoid shivering too much. You alternate the wet cloth between your eyes and neck, keeping your eyes closed and remaining calm. Now was not the time to panic, everything was going to get even worse if you let your fear win.

You felt your body starting to relax, you could feel the sleepiness taking your body, you were ready to fall asleep, when a wave of nausea hit you that made you run to your bathroom fast, not minding the dizziness your body was fighting for getting up too fast. As soon as you reached your Bathroom, you knelt in front of the toilet bowl, and less than a minute later you were emptying your stomach. The dizziness was worse, you felt weak, you felt like you were ready to faint. You stayed there hugging the bowl for several minutes, waiting for the dizziness to pass. When you were able to move your body without feeling dizzy, you got up from the floor and washed your face, brushed your teeth, and went back to bed. It was the first time you were feeling like this, what were you supposed to do? You were scared. You needed to ask for help.

With the little strength you had, you grabbed your phone and sent a text asking for help.

YN: Hey De, you awake? DW: Hey sweetheart. Yeah, what happened? YN: I need you

You left your phone aside; the brightness of the screen was making your headache worse. You heard some steps approaching and your door opening. Dean entered your room right in time to hear you sob.

"Hey, hey, what happened? What's going on?" Dean asked you, trying to touch your forehead but instead, touching the wet cloth. "Are you feeling okay?" You were about to answer him when another wave of nausea hit you, you pushed him aside and ran again towards your bathroom, getting right in time to empty what was left, at this point you were sure you didn't have anything else.

Dean was right behind you, he grabbed some of the hair that was loose and caressed your back, "it's okay honey, let it all out" Like you did before, you leaned back hugging the bowl, you were extremely weak to even get up. You could feel how your body was slowly giving up to exhaustion. "No, no, sweetheart. Come on, hang in there for a little bit" Dean said, lifting you up from the floor. He helped you to wash your face and brush your teeth. Your eyes were barely open, you were ready to give in. Your body started to shiver again, but you seemed to not have a fever. Dean picked you up and took you to bed again. He laid you down and covered you with just one of the covers you had.

*Dean's POV*

I grabbed her already damp cloth, took it to her bathroom, and wet it again, doing the same thing with my own. When I got back to her room, I found her silently crying again. I just knew she was in pain. I could see it in her features. I sat next to her and she whimpered, it broke my heart seeing her suffering. I put one of my hands around her head and lifted it gently, I put one of the wet cloth around it and placed her head back on her pillow as gently as possible. Grabbing the other cloth, I placed it over her eyes and forehead. I started to gently stroke her cheek, I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible. I grabbed my phone and texted Sam and Cass, after that, I reduced the brightness of the screen and put it on buzzing. After a little while I saw that her breathing was even, she probably exhausted herself to sleep.

A little while later, Sammy entered slowly into her room. "Hey, Dean. How is she doing?" "She just fell asleep; I don't know what's going on yet. Seems to be a really bad stomach bug or a really strong migraine" I said and Sammy nodded. "Go to the store or a pharmacy and bring some medication for her, please" "Yeah, sure" Sammy agreed, before leaving I said, "and bring something for the nausea too." "If you need something else, call. Be right back" Sammy finally said when he left her room.

I could see she wasn't fully asleep; she was struggling in her sleep; something was bothering her. "Hey, sweetheart, what's it?" I asked her, caressing her arm, "I need to go to the bathroom" she said, "are you going to get sick?" I asked but she shook her head. I helped her to her bathroom and waited outside the door. When Sammy entered the room carrying a bag from the pharmacy, we heard a thud coming from the other side of the door. We rushed to the bathroom and opened the door. We found her lying on the floor looking a lot paler than before. I went to wake her up and her skin was all sweaty and she was burning up, her fever might have spiked up and she was very weak.

I lifted her from the floor and she groaned, "Hey sweetheart, come on, open those beautiful eyes for me. Can you do that for me?" She weakly opened her eyes and gave me a small smile, but her eyes closed a second later. "No, no, honey, I need you awake. Sammy brought you the good stuff" I told her laying her down on her bed.

Sam was at the end of her bed waiting for you to wake up. I helped you to sit up, once I knew you weren't going to fall, I let Sam get closer. He handed you some pills and an uncapped water bottle. She took it and thanked him for it. I gave her some juice, "drank it slowly. We don't want you to get sick again"

I helped her to lay in bed, but she was still looking uncomfortable. I sat next to her and asked her "what is it, honey?" She laid her head on my lap, closed her eyes and a few tears fell. I started to caress her hair and a few minutes later I saw her forehead relaxed, but she was still silently crying, clearly, the pain meds hadn't kicked in yet. Sammy was sitting on your desk, watching you attentively.

I started to move her slowly, Sam came to the other side of the bed and held her, so I could get inside the bed. Once I was settled down, he helped me to lay you down over me. Most of your body was on top of mine, your head was settled directly on my chest over my heart. As soon as you got comfortable, your hands were clutching my t-shirt like a lifeline. I could still feel your body shivering, your fever hasn't broken down and the meds hadn't kicked in, you probably must've been in a lot of pain.

It took some time for the meds to finally kick in, but once they did, you were able to fall asleep. "I think she's out" I whispered to Sam, "do you mind if I stay in here too? I'm worried about her" Sam told me and I just nodded, I was worried for her too, none of us had seen you suffering like this before.

A few hours later, I woke up all sweaty, my clothes and hers were stuck together. Her fever might have spiked up again, I could tell she was in pain, every time her body shivered you whimpered. "Sammy" I called and he woke up "what?" He approached us. "Check her temperature, I think it went up again" Sam did what I asked and her fever has gone up just a little. Probably the meds helped a little.

"Sweetheart, wake up" she groaned, "it's time for you to take the pills again," I said and sat up for a little. She was still very clingy to me; I could barely move without causing any pain. I didn't care I was all sweaty and disgusting, I just wanted her to be fine. This time, the meds kicked in faster, because after some minutes she was out like a light. Sammy took the, now, damp clothes and wet them again. Sam placed one to your neck and before placing the other one over your forehead, I kissed it. I just hoped you were all better in the morning.

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[reidslibrarybook]

Magic is a Boy's Club

Couple - Spencer x Fem!reader

Warnings - language, sexual innuendos, not proofread (lmk if i missed some)

Summary - Spencer was never truly satisfied with the life he lived no matter how many accomplishments he achieved. He figured it was time to dive deep into his past and chase after someone his mind had always wandered back to… you. (My interpretation of the continuation of “52 Pickup”, 4x9, with reader as Austin the bartender)

Category - fluff (i think?)

Word Count - 6.4k

A/N - this one was a bitch to write. i also feel like this was hella dramatic for no reason but it’s all fun and games :)

**the title has no correlation to the fic, except for one part, i just like it sm so that’s why i left it**

masterlist

join my taglist here!

—————————————-

He sighed, running his hands through his hair as he nervously approached her apartment in a cab.

His life was comprised of milestones people his age would never have been able to achieve. He was a genius but he could never answer that one question that constantly poked and prodded at his brain.

Why wasn’t he happy?

Every single day he strived for excellence in anything and everything. Spencer made sure he was the best person he could be, reaching for the stars and accomplishing things others could only dream of.

At some point, the façade dwindled and he was left with shallow ambitions and a craving for more validation from people he barely knew. It was what kept him going for most of his life, the praise that he’d receive from his peers and the proud look on his role models’ faces.

But the satisfaction he derived from the superficial gestures faded with time. He realized that it never truly made him happy despite the feel-good chemicals that flooded his system whenever he was on the opposite end of a compliment.

Spencer left the BAU months ago in an attempt to try and find an answer to the question that was perpetually nagging him. When he looked back on his life, all he could think about was the multitude of opportunities for him to achieve the one thing that wasn’t on his resume… love.

He wasn’t thinking about the love his friends and ex-colleagues had for him, he was thinking about the kind of love that could only be savored when someone gave their heart to you.

Spencer wanted those Sunday mornings that were spent sitting on a couch with someone he cared for in his arms. He wanted to have pillow fights that ended in lying on the floor dying of laughter and conversational arguments that lasted all night long. He wanted someone he could call his to call him theirs.

He thought he saw a glimpse of it with Maeve before she was so cruelly ripped from his grasp. His little heart lived for the adrenalin that spazzed through his body from the excitement of a secret phone call or stray letter.

But his mind couldn’t help but wander back to the pretty bartender he met back at a bar in Atlanta.

Call it the remnant of his infatuation or puppy love or a foolish crush but he always managed to return to the memory of pulling out his business card with her lipstick stain on the back.

He always regretted not keeping in touch with her, she was the first stranger who even showed remotely any interest in him. There were a few calls and random emails but they slowly disappeared as life got in the way.

Spencer wished he could rewind time back to when he left you there at the police station to be interviewed by the local officers. It was a shame that neither of you got to continue your planned rendezvous but he hoped that you finally got to perform magic like you wanted to.

He closed the door to the taxi after paying for the ride and handing the driver a generous tip since he put up with his constant sighing and mumbling that was muffled by the plastic that separated the seats.

Spencer was nervous, to say the least, it had been so long since he had seen Penelope. He promised to visit her every once in a while but his promises were left unfulfilled as he sat on his couch and stared at the ceiling to reminisce on his life.

He walked up the stairs and knocked on the door while he swayed back and forth. The door opened and revealed Penelope clad in her robe, her hair messy and glasses practically hanging off her nose.

“Spencer?”

He looked away from her trying to give her some semblance of respect. “H- hi, Penelope. Um, should I come back later or…”

“No! Nope, you’re coming inside. I haven’t seen you in forever since I left.”

She pulled him in, sitting him down on the couch as she entered her room and closed the door quickly.

He looked around to see that her personality had not changed one bit. Her definition of decor was a plethora of pink items dispersed throughout her home. Fuzzy rugs were placed on the floor and photos of the team were hung all over the walls to remind her of her life at the FBI.

Penelope opened the door and rushed to sit back down with Spencer, enveloping him in a massive hug.

“God,” she mumbled into his shoulder while ruffling his hair, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

He smiled, laughing as she used her hands to rub his back and tangle his already messy hair.

“It’s only been a couple of months since I last saw you.”

“Well that’s a couple of months too long,” she pulled away and pinched his cheeks, “You promised you’d visit me and I haven’t even gotten one phone call. ONE!”

“I’m sorry. I-”

“Nope! No excuses, I won’t hear them. I want you to tell me everything that’s happened since you left the BAU. I’ve been asking for updates about everyone and you have been awol. No one knows where you’ve been or what you’ve been up to.”

“I’ve been… doing stuff.”

She squished his cheeks together as if he was still the shiny little boy that walked into the BAU with doe eyes and rose-colored glasses.

“What kind of stuff, are you in trouble? Spencer, what did you do?”

He laughed, taking her hands off his cheeks and squeezing them. “Nothing, I promise. I was just a little… lost?”

“Lost? What’s finally stumped my beloved genius?”

“Everything.”

She giggled, “That’s kind of vague, don’t you think?”

“Maybe, but it’s just embarrassing to say.”

Penelope used her hands to bring his head onto her shoulder. “Tell me, nothing is too embarrassing.”

“Love. That’s what’s got me stumped,” he pouted.

“Wait,” she put her hands on his shoulder and shook him back and forth, “You have someone and you didn’t tell me?”

Spencer scratched the back of his neck as a light pink dusted his cheeks, smiling at the thought of finding her again. “N- no. I was um, I was wondering if you could help me find someone?”

She folded her arms, a coy smile playing on her lips. “Oh. So you only came to visit because you need something.”

He stood up, waving his hands around haphazardly as he tried to backpedal. “No! I- I mean… I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant that I um. I promise that I didn’t come here for superficial reasons, I just needed your help and I thought that maybe I could ask on my way here. B- but I guess it prompted my visit so maybe I do subconsciously have an ulterior motive but I-”

“I’m just kidding, Spencer,” she sighed sarcastically, “And people tell me I’m the dramatic one.”

She shooed him back to the couch and patted his head while she grabbed her laptop from the coffee table in front of them.

“What’s their name?” She looked over at him to see him reluctantly biting his lip and flicking his eyes between her and the keyboard.

Penelope nudged him playfully. “Come on now, don’t chicken out on me.”

“Her name is Y/N Y/L/N.”

“You know you have to give me more than that, genius.”

“Sh- she’s from a case that we solved years ago in Atlanta, the bartender who was taken by the unsub right before we apprehended him,” he stated shyly.

“Ohh. Is she the girl you wooed with a magic trick?”

He looked at her, his lips forming an awkward thin line. “How did you know that?”

“Morgan saw you making out with that lipstick stain on the back of your card. We put two and two together, you were always so stupid and predictable.”

“I- I swear I wasn’t making out with it, there was um… I dropped some food onto it. I was trying to lick it off.”

“This coming from the Dr. Reid who went on a two hour long tangent about how the ‘5 second rule’ doesn’t exist?”

He leaned back, sighing and pouting slightly. “I wasn’t making out with it.”

“Mhm. Oh! I found her.” Spencer eagerly sat up straight and leaned over Penelope’s shoulder.

She pushed his face away from her with the palm of her hand, “Calm down tiger. I can feel your breath on the back of my neck.”

He moved away slightly, mumbling, “Sorry.”

She laughed, “So, it seems like your pretty lady is….. Oh! It seems like she’s an hour away in San Francisco.”

“Really?”

“Yup. Her address isn’t disclosed here which is odd since I can usually find anyone’s personal info in a blink of an eye but I have her work address. Bad news is that that’s all I have”

“Can you send-”

“Done and done.”

He stood up, heart beating quick with the anticipation of finding you again. “Thank you, Penelope. I- I know it seems like I’m just using you but I really do appreciate-”

She wrapped her arms around him to shut him up. “I’m happy to help you, you know that. I will always be here for you and the rest of our family no matter where I am. I could never forget about you, Spencer.”

He smiled. “It’s impossible for me to forget but if I had the average memory I wouldn’t forget about you either.”

“Good, now go forth and-”

“Hey, hun. Do you know where the extra towels are, I couldn’t-”

Spencer turned around to see Luke, his bottom half barely covered with a towel. Luke looked between Penelope and Spencer before waving to Reid awkwardly.

“Hi, Luke. I didn’t know you were visiting Garcia… amongst other things,” Spencer smirked, looking over to the woman behind him who was furious with her practically naked lover.

Penelope blushed. “No one knows except for Morgan.” She pushed him back into the room before slamming the door shut as Spencer smiled at how happy she really is in her new life.

“Wow. The two of you have really been going at it for the past 7 months haven’t you?”

She whacked his arm and placed his messenger bag in his hands before opening the front door to get her intrusive friend out of her home. “How do you know that?”

He smiled, giving her a hug before stepping out of her apartment.

“You aren’t the only one Derek tells things to.”

—————————————-

Spencer stepped out of his rental car as he was immediately hit with the chilly winds of San Francisco. He tried to calm himself down with the repetition of his footsteps on the pavement and the tiled floors inside the sleek structure.

It was a large building with your name placed at the top in large gold letters. On days where the sun decided to make an appearance, its rays would be reflected off and share just how bright you really were.

He had heard of the firm before but he never thought that it would be you who started it, not that you weren’t capable. Spencer pushed the button to the 15th floor and waited inside the luxurious elevator, met with his reflection in the mirror-like doors.

He was never one to care about his appearance after already coming to terms with the fact that he would probably never have someone to impress. All that changed with each ping of the elevator, every passing floor only made his racing heart want to beat faster until it was eventually free from the confines of his chest.

Spencer had no idea what he was getting into, it had been too long since he last saw you. Would you blame him for disappearing like one of the magic tricks he showed you while he was still in Atlanta?

He didn’t have time to back out, the sliding doors in front of him gliding apart to reveal a busy office layout with people running around with piles of paper in their hands. His eyes glazed around the glass walls that divided different offices from the desks outside and the floor-to-ceiling windows that rose up into the clouds.

You made a name for yourself like he tried to when he was younger, fulfilling all the dreams he never even knew you had.

Something as menial as a magic trick, and maybe being kidnapped by a murderous serial killer, prompted you to ditch the lousy pay of a job behind a bar and start something that he could only dream of achieving.

He was important and so was his job at the BAU but the lengths you went to, the hoops you jumped through, the obstacles you traversed made his accomplishments pale in comparison.

Spencer moved along the buzzing interns who were rushing around to get their boss’ coffees and copy paperwork.

“Sir!” He turned around, taking his hands out of his pocket as a man from what seemed like a receptionist’s desk walked toward him.

“Sir, I’m sorry. Do you have an appointment?”

Spencer shook his head. “No, I’m actually just looking for someone. I’m not here for a consultation or anything.”

He nodded, “Who are you looking for?”

“Um, Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Oh, I’m afraid you’ll have to come back after you’ve made an appointment. Ms. Y/L/N is a very busy woman and I’m not sure she would appreciate someone visiting her on a whim.”

Spencer sighed, “Right, of course. I’m sorry.”

He looked down at the man in front of him before walking in the opposite reaction of the elevator. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, the kind that he only felt whenever he was chasing after something— whether it was an unsub or you.

He looked around, quickly profiling the floor to figure out where you would be. He could hear the man behind him calling for security but he couldn’t care less. The attraction he felt for you, an attraction that manifested years ago, was magnetizing. He was so close to seeing you again and he’d be a fool to let something as trivial as scheduling keep him from finding you.

Spencer had no idea why he had an instinctual need to be with you, it wasn’t like you were the only person who’s ever shown interest in him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you were the first. There was Ethan, of course, but reuniting with Spencer’s first love was an unfeasible feat.

There was an undeniable chemistry between the two of you. Despite the fact that he was a self-proclaimed socially inept genius, he felt the pull that he had on you and the pull you had on him.

The two of you only spent a limited amount of time together but it was enough to leave a lasting impression on his heart. He thought about it on the ride from Silicon Valley to San Francisco, the reason why he was hellbent on finding you. There was no guarantee that you’d remember him, let alone accept whatever it was he was going to stutter out if he got to see you.

He stopped as time stood still when he saw you holding the door open for one of your clients. His maneuvering through the constantly moving people around him stopped which left him completely powerless against the buff men coming to kick him out of the building.

He didn’t think it was possible for him to see something so heavenly, so ethereal while he was completely conscious, but you always seemed to prove him wrong.

Your beauty hadn’t faded even as time wore away the strongest mountains and rocks. A transcendental glow was cast around you which only served to enhance the sharpness in your features.

Spencer was caught up in a trance before he felt arms wrapping around him, dragging him away from you.

“Y/N,” he whispered, his voice slowly regaining the strength that had developed from the years of his submissiveness weathering away, “Y/N!”

You turned around and saw him, your eyes widening.

“Hey, hey! Stop!”

He was placed onto his feet as the guards held him tightly with their hands. “Ms. Y/L/N.”

“It’s alright guys,” you looked at him, taking in the difference in his appearance, “You can let go of him.”

“Are you sure, he seemed pretty adamant about finding you?”

You giggled, “That may not be such a bad thing.”

“At least let us pat him down to check for weapons.”

“That’s unnecessary, thank you for your diligence.” They nodded at you, letting go of Spencer’s forearms and walking away.

“Spencer Reid, in the flesh.”

He blushed, “Y/N. I- It’s been a while.”

“It has been. What’s got you so eager to find me, weren’t you the one who abandoned me all those years ago?”

“I- I didn’t.”

You patted his arm, leading him to your office. “You can never take a joke can you.”

He smiled. “You’re not the first one to tell me that.”

Spencer sat down and took a look at your office, his eyes peering over the abundance of certificates and awards that lined your walls and shelves. He studied behavior for most of his life, knowing full well that you weren’t doing it out of vanity.

“I hope I’m not bothering you right now, the man in the front said that you have a busy day today.”

You handed him a water bottle. “I do, but I don’t mind sparing a couple of moments for the magician that started it all.”

He laughed humorlessly, bouncing his leg up and down to calm his nerves. “I don’t understand how a few measly magic tricks could have possibly led to you becoming a lawyer and starting your own firm.”

“It’s a long story.”

“I have time.”

You chuckled, “Well I don’t. I have a consultation in 5 minutes and that’s definitely not enough for me to explain it all.

His heart dropped down to the pits of his stomach. “No, you’re busy. I- I got it. Maybe I should just-”

“Slow your roll, you’re always in a rush to leave aren’t you?” You expected a couple of friendly laughs but nothing but silence filled the air between the two of you.

You giggled, “I should really work on my sense of humor, shouldn’t I?”

“Maybe,” he laughed.

“Do you want to have dinner together? Tonight maybe?”

“Dinner?”

The end of your lips moved upwards, a smile playing on your mouth. “Did you expect me to let you just walk away after you pulled that stunt outside my office earlier?”

He blushed. “N- no, I guess not.”

“There’s this place with an amazing show and fantastic food. It’s on Castro Street and 6th. Want to meet there at 7?”

He nodded, a little too hard judging by the pretty laughs that fell from your lips. “I- I’ll be there.”

“It’s a date.”

He looked down at you, making sure the memory of your reunion was permanently etched into his brain.

“It’s a date.”

—————————————-

Spencer was nervous, he had been since he entered your firm. He was particularly fidgety, wondering how the night would go and what would happen after.

He called Penelope, asking her what he should wear. He had never had an eye for ‘fashion’, all he ever knew were converse, sweater vests, cardigans, and slacks. She recommended going simple with a black tux and halfway decent hair.

Spencer never really knew how to take care of his curls. After he stopped slicking his hair back and combing it with gel, his curls had become less defined and bouncy. Garcia was always the one taking care of him, showing him how he should dry it and style it in a way that looked presentable.

His mother was around but she wasn’t there. He appreciated Penny, she was his motherly sister— always making sure that he knew he was loved and appreciated.

He stood outside waiting for you to show up. Spencer wasn’t surprised if you ditched him for some other guy… you were a hotshot lawyer, you had people falling at your feet. His self-confidence was never towards the top of the spectrum and it managed to fall even lower when he thought of you.

It wasn’t about status at all, he felt guilty for leaving you. You did call him and email him but those means of communication went unanswered, he didn’t understand how you could forgive him so easily.

“Spencer!”

Butterflies.

“Spencer, I’m glad you made it!” He turned around and saw you walking towards him, the sound of your heels clicking on the concrete paralleled the beating of his heart.

Butterflies in his stomach, they fluttered— their wings tickling the inside of his abdomen for liberation.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” he smiled and took your hand on a whim, too embarrassed to let go after his spur of confidence broke the awkward tension.

You smiled, going along with him and squeezing his hand. You could feel his pulse against your forearm, absorbing the vibrations of each individual pulse.

It had been a while since you had time to enjoy a night with someone who wasn’t one of the people you worked with. You missed when life used to be so simple but you’d never go back to when you were working at the bar.

You always strived for more but never had the motivation to do so until your life, quite literally, flashed before your eyes.

Spencer stood there, unsure of what to do or where to go. You giggled at his random spurts of confidence, taking his hand and leading him into the dimly lit building.

“What is this?” He looked around, amazed by the stage in front of him and the sights of the people around him.

“It’s the preface to dinner… a magic show.”

He whipped his head around and looked at you. Magic seemed to be a recurring theme in your time together, making quick appearances here and there. His heart began to glow at the thought of you bringing him to a place that seemed to mean so much to the two of you.

A simple magic trick brought the two of you together in a situation where Spencer probably wouldn’t have been able to capture your attention with a sketch of the unsub. It’s what created that initial spark, it was a cherished memory that he had no intention of leaving in the dust.

The two of you sat down next to each other at the small table.

You reached over to grab his hand. “Excited?”

“I- I haven’t been to a magic show in a while, s- since my dad last took me.”

“Well, I’m glad I have the chance to reintroduce it to you. I go every single week if I can,” you could feel your cheeks began to heat as you smiled and looked away shyly, “You know I do.”

Spencer was about to speak before he was interrupted by the magician and his assistant walking out onto the stage. He used to dream of performing magic professionally but it was an irrational one that was flushed out of his head once he found out about the BAU.

That didn’t mean he didn’t love watching it. Seeing all the tricks performed on stage and figuring out how they were done always intrigued him. His brain craved stimulation and magic gave it just that.

You felt the same way, enamored with the beauty of someone’s ability to make things vanish before your eyes. It was no wonder that so many people learned all these tricks to impress even the most unimpressible, they never cease to amaze whether the recipient knew the details behind it or not.

You didn’t even realize the show had started until Spencer had scooted his chair over from his side of the table towards yours. He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear to expose the tender skin on your neck.

He whispered in a tone that was a little too sensual for the public, “Do you want me to explain how they’re doing it?”

You cleared your throat. “Um, s- sure.”

“Okay, so it’s all in the illusion. Making things vanish is the foundation of all magic and so is sleight of hand.”

“Mhm,” you closed your eyes, feeling the warmth of his breath ghosting your ear. “I can make anything disappear if you give me the chance, Y/N.”

“Is that supposed to have a double meaning?”

“I don’t know, do you want it to have a double meaning? It could… but I don't think it’d be the most appropriate thing to explain in the midst of a public show.” You had no response ready to fire back at him, pretending as if you didn’t hear the words he loudly whispered straight into your ear.

You could practically feel him grinning like a fool beside you, satisfied with the physical effect his teasing words had on you.

The rest of the show was spent with you completely silent, enjoying the magic as he continued to whisper in your ear. You had absolutely no idea how you maintained your focus after the words he muttered into your ear.

The two of you were led back into the dining room where Spencer pulled out your chair for you like the devilishly handsome gentleman he is.

You smiled at him. “What did you think of the show?”

“It was great. The diversity of the tricks and their skill was unlike anything I’ve ever seen in a show before. What did you think of it?”

You giggled, “I always love watching people do magic, I think it’s something that started when you did that neat trick at the bar. Though… I do think I would have enjoyed it more if you hadn’t been whispering borderline sexual things in my ear.”

He shrugged, “I never meant for it to be sexual, I guess it’s all in personal perception.”

“Nice save, Doctor.”

“Always.”

You ordered dinner as you usually would, giving Spencer pointers on what he should get since he had never been before. The rest of the night flew by in a breeze as you two lazily conversed with each other, laughing and drinking the time away. You couldn’t help but compare the rather polarized differences in the way he looked and acted.

He was young and sweet and naive when you first met him, a little glimmer of hope in his eye that was constantly shining in his brown hazel eyes. You expected a change, as one usually does with the passing of time, but not something as drastic as going from bright and bubbly to dark and husky.

Every once and a while you could see the little specs of purity shining from within him, masked with the years of trauma that piled it deep inside him. Time brought along confidence in him and you enjoyed it much more than you’d like to admit.

He walked out of the restaurant with you following behind him.

“You know,” He looked down at you as you continued to speak, “I’ve learned more from you in the past few hours than I have while I was training with a magician.”

His ears perked up as he quirked his head to the side, “Wait you were an apprentice?”

“Mhm.”

“Why’d you stop?”

“I was only there to look pretty, Spencer. Aside from standing there and waving in a sparkly dress, I learned nothing. Magic is nothing but a boy’s club and it didn’t sit right with me so I just left it behind?”

He chuckled, “You left it behind for an arguably more male-dominated field?”

“Yeah, not the best idea on my part but I love what I do and I think my mom would too. She um, she never got the chance to go to law school so I thought it’d be nice to try to achieve what she never did, I guess.”

“I think it was a good idea as long as you like what you’re doing.” He placed a hand on the small of your back in an attempt to comfort you from the hurdles you may have had to overcome alone.

“I do but I think I would have really liked doing magic too.”

“I can teach you.”

He could hear his heart beating in his chest. Offering to teach you how to do some simple tricks was his last attempt of making the dream of having you within his reach last longer than the world thought it should have.

Your eyebrows raised as you looked at him curiously. “Teach me magic?”

“Well, you never really got to learn and I’d love to help you.”

You scrunched your nose and closed your eyes in disbelief at his tempting proposition. “Now?”

“If you want me to.”

You smiled, a light fluttering in your heart at the thought of Spencer sitting close by you. “Of course I do. I just, I don’t have anything that we could-”

“I have some stuff in my car.”

“In your car?”

“I always come prepared.”

You giggled, “Well, lead the way. I hailed a cab here so I wouldn’t mind if you drove to my place. You can try to teach me there?”

He nodded, leading you to his car. It was a short, quiet ride that was filled with contemplative thoughts that swirled around in your brain. A whirlwind of questions that revolved around the very man driving your car led you into a stump.

You barely knew him aside from the snippets he revealed every once in a while. He was kind and funny and caring— everything that you wanted to have around.

You’ve been so focused on success that there never seemed to be enough time for you to find someone to be happy with. All you could do was hope that Spencer was the one that would be there with you.

You felt the car stop which knocked you out of your temporary trance. He hopped out of his side as you did the same. The streets were completely empty, you and Spencer being the only people to walk its ground.

You were just about to shut the door when his hand landed on yours. The motion sent shockwaves through the tips of your fingers that pulsated through the rest of your body. Your head turned towards him as he used his other hand to motion towards the seat of the car.

“Get back in,” he insisted.

“What? I don’t-”

“Get back in the car.”

You obliged, your heels rubbing against the carpet of the car as he closed the door and opened it again. He reached his hand in to help you out of the car. You took it, the warmth from his palm transferring to yours.

“Did you just make me get back in the car so you could open it for me?” A curious smile played on your lips as the ends of his mouth were upturned. You could tell he was blushing even under the dimly lit lamplight above you, barely illuminating your surroundings.

“All you’ve ever known are misogynistic men, the cards are already stacked against me. I need to do something to convince you that I’m worth your time.”

“That’s an ambitious goal.”

“Well, I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.”

His words caused a warm feeling to spread in your chest, a couple of humorous giggles escaping from inside you.

You followed him to the trunk of his car where he grabbed a large duffel bag. He wordlessly walked to the front of your door, your mind trying to figure out what he had in the bag.

Your mind was racing to figure out what was in his bag as you shoved the key into the lock, turning it and letting him walk in first. Spencer set the bag down on your table, opening it and grabbing an abundance of different colorful scarves and multiple decks of cards.

You reached over, grabbing one of them as you inspected it. “You just carry this bag of magic stuff around with you?”

“No, I just thought that you’d like to learn if I offered. I brought it just in case.”

“Smart man,” you teased.

He shook his head in return. “So, what do you want to learn?”

“How about you teach me that first trick you showed me?”

He pouted, “But that’s my best one.”

“Okay,” you looked back at him, “Maybe we can try something else?”

“I’m just kidding, ‘you really can’t take a joke can you’?” He mocked.

“Funny.”

“I was thinking I could teach you something else? Can I demonstrate for you first?”

You nodded as he reached into the bag and motioned for you to sit down on the couch. Spencer sat across from you, leaning down onto the coffee table and shuffling the deck of cards at an obnoxiously pretentious speed.

“Okay. Choose a card, remember it, and place it back down into the deck.”

You did as he told, grabbing the queen of hearts and sticking back in between two other cards in the stack he was holding in his hands. You looked at his face as he focused on shuffling the cards around, admiring the way he poked his tongue out from time to time as he averted all his attention to the flimsy pieces of paper.

“Alright,” he said while he lifted the 1 of hearts, “Is this your card?”

You smiled, shaking your head. “No.”

“Shit, really? This isn’t your card? It must be one of these two, right?”

You shook your head once again as he lifted the 4 and 3 of hearts.

“What, this doesn’t make any-,” he paused, his mood shifting and a smile appearing on his face, “I know where it is.”

“Where is it?”

“Behind your barrette.”

You tilted your head quizzically, a look of puzzlement on your face. “I’m not wearing one.”

“Are you sure about that?” He nodded towards the side of your head with a smug look on his face.

Your brow furrowed, reaching your hand up to your hair to pull out the same barrette that you wore the day the two of you met at the bar. The corner of a card was stuck in the clips… the queen of hearts.

Scribbled on the top of the card was arguably the corniest thing you’ve ever read, ‘I'd love to make magic happen with you... Will you be my girlfriend?’.

“Is this your card?” He teased.

You nodded, realizing the little nods to your first interaction with each other. “That was… clever.”

“I’m glad you liked it but um, you never answered.” You raised your head, meeting his peering gaze directed towards you.

“I- I know it’s kind of soon and we’ve only been on one date id you even count this as one date but I’d really love to-”

You shut him up by placing your lips onto his, the two of them moving in accordance with the other. He reached over to you and pulled you closer to him, completely forgetting that you were on the couch and he was on the table.

You fell down in the gap between both pieces of furniture, pulling him down with you. The two of you ended up in a fit of laughter as he tried to pull you back up onto your feet.

“I’m sorry about that, um… yeah.”

“It’s alright,” you grinned, “But the answer is yes. I’ll be your girlfriend.”

His face lit up with the same optimism whose presence was so missed by the people around him. “Really?”

“Really. Now, you have all the time in the world to show me every magic trick you possibly can.”

“Starting now?”

“Maybe after a redo of that first kiss.”

He nodded, grabbing you by your waist and pulling you flush against his body. One of his hands traveled up your side until it reached your cheek, rubbing it tenderly as it inched your face closer to his.

His eyes were half-open, fluttering close. Time stopped as your lips met for a second time, his intoxicating scent invading all of your senses. The audible pounding in your chest was overtaken by the way his soft lips moved against yours.

You pulled apart, the two of you panting slightly for air. He rested his forehead against yours, a smile playing on his lips as he pulled you closer into his chest. You could hear the same pounding sound as your ear pressed up against him.

The atmosphere was euphoric as the two of you finally discovered something both old and new, your feelings for the other. It all started as a flirty conversation at a bar and led to Spencer flying across the country and managing to woo you all over again with another simple magic trick.

While he held you in his arms, he could finally overcome the one stubborn question he thought he could never answer. It refused to leave the comfort of his mind, but it had no choice but to pack it’s bags and leave the moment he met you.

Why wasn’t he happy?

Because he didn’t have you.

There was no doubt that he would give everything up— all the titles, all the awards, all the achievements— to spend even one moment with you. He couldn’t describe the tender affection, the rush of excitement to be near you, the passion, the fun, or the yearning.

The feeling of seeing you again made him feel quiet. A calming of the ever-churning atlantic waves inside him. They were laid to rest as he crossed the serene waters to meet you. Time couldn’t begin to define the overwhelming amicable feelings his heart harbored for you despite the little time you spent together.

He found the key, the answer.

Magic was how it all started and magic was how it would end.

—————————————-

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[awakeshedreams]

sugar and spice ( 1 )

pairing : resident bad boy!jjk x model student!reader

setting : highschool!au x stepbrother!au

summary :

a messy highschool!au x stepbrother!au where model student reader who has quite a few dirty little secrets sees her world take an unexpected turn when her mother comes home one day with an engagement announcement, to the father of none other than the school's resident bad boy.... Jeon Jungkook.

genre : smut, for laughs, kinda pornish, slow burn with collosaly overwhelming sexual tension

rating: soft m ( for now ) due to adult content

warnings : unconventional relationship of sexual nature, tropes and clichès, teenagers partaking in porn-esque activities, made up things with made up people happening in a made up world, don't like don't read XD

wordcount : 2.3K

a/n : i've been fighting in a long standing war and I have lost. the man known as jeon jungkook had his foot on my neck for years and today, I have finally submitted to my fate and surrendered to his reign.

yes. after a hundred years, i'm writing again. specifically, writing for bts. particularly, writing for jungkook. its been a long time coming.

life just took over and I transitioned into an adult and kind of grew out of the state of mind I was in before. but. sigh. jeon jungkook has been tormenting me the whole time. it was only a matter of time before i relapsed honestly.

so here I am again. in mind, body and spirit, a different person from who I was before but still the same in the sense that with the way bts have my whole heart, jk will always be the demon in the corner of my room that I invite to bed for a cuddle even though it's (probably really) not good for me.

do not misconstrue. I love him more than I can say. but. sigh. he has me in a chokehold, loves. please try to understand where I'm coming from.

anyways, enough with this ranting. you all came here for the nitty gritty so let me not hold you hostage with my dilemma rambling any longer. here's to the first bts fic i've posted in literal years. introducing- sugar and spice.

1 2

Unless they told someone, no one would have been able to guess it.

At school they were complete strangers.

She was the nice head girl with a clean record, all smiles and straight A’s. He was the mysterious bad boy with a track record, all tatted up with bruised knuckles.

She wore plaid skirts with neat pleads in them and pastel sweaters with bows at the collar. He wore jeans with rips in them and leather jackets with studs.

They couldn't have been any more different.

As far as anyone was concerned, they existed on two extreme ends of a vast spectrum.

What they didn't know was that they shared a dirty little secret.

.

You were a girl with many dirty secrets.

For instance, you used to sell nudes online. It was a side hustle you did.

Not because you needed money.

Your mom was a renowned doctor so there was more than enough of that in your life.

Not because you needed validation from people online either.

Even without the constant compliments and the praises you knew you were visually blessed with a pretty face and a nice body too.

All things considered, you simply thought you had a nice pair of tits and you took pictures of them sometimes.

Posting the shots you snapped online came much later when you heard about this website where people were getting paid crazy money for posting racy things.

‘It’s just so degrading…’ It was one of your friends, June, who sneered, pretty nose scrunched up. She fixed her long ponytail and rolled her brown eyes while looking in the mirror at her locker. ‘Who would do such a thing, am I right?’

She said this, but June was the girl who has slept with more boys than she could count on her two hands. And those were the ones she told you about.

Like every other time, you said nothing. Even when it carried on to lunch with the rest.

‘Pretty desperate if you ask me.’ Mei the stellar track runner shrugged casually as she stretched her limbs like routine.

‘Where are their parents?’ Nina the library nerd shook her head in disapproval as she fixed her glasses so it sat right on the bridge of her nose.

‘Um… I don’t think it’s … appropriate… to talk about ….’ Kiko the one who always carried a cross and bible around mumbled into her sleeve.

All your friends spoke of it in derision and repulsion of course. This was a school for proper children so they were proper girls. At least they were supposed to be.

Regardless the conversation sparked a curiosity in you.

So you made an account and uploaded your first picture. Nothing bizarre. Just your tits in a pretty lace bra.

You made sure to keep your face out of the frame because that was the smart thing to do and you were nothing if not the smartest student in school.

In all honesty, you weren’t expecting anything out of it. In fact, in between work with student council and tutoring your juniors with finals right around the corner, you even forgot about it for an entire month.

It was by a complete whim that you decided to open the app while you’d been unwinding at your desk following a tedious day at school.

To say you were amused by the response you found waiting for you would have be a grave understatement.

You were staring at the four figure digit that now sat in your bank account.

Reading through the comment section was even more interesting.

There were all sorts of people there who had all sorts of things to say. Ranging from honestly sweet to downright dirty.

You had never been brought to tears laughing in her life before until then.

It was just so funny to see people misbehave and lose their minds over a pair of tits.

From then on it just sort of became a thing.

.

But that wasn't the worse of your secrets.

You were making a name for yourself on the crude web months later.

The next step was naturally to move from making taking pictures to making videos. Since you was already in too deep you didn’t see why not.

So you upgraded and opened another account. An amateur one where your touched yourself for an audience.

You were no prude.

You might have never been touched by a boy before but you had touched yourself plenty times. Stress and frustration came hand in hand with being head girl. Since you couldn’t quite vent it out at the annoying troublemakers at school, this was your second best option.

Third was watching porn, but that was mostly when you were extremely bored.

But that wasn’t where that little endeavor ended.

Later on it became a lot more risqué.

.

It all started when your mom hit you with a marriage announcement.

She met a guy on her business trip who she really liked and she was convinced he was the one.

Your mom had a tragic history of being a bad judge of character.

You’ve had this conversation at least five times since you became old enough to understand that boys and girls who were just friends didn’t kiss and sleep with each other.

Most times, it felt like she was doing it because she thought you needed a dad around.

You might have once, when you were younger and your mom was too busy with work to be there. But she worked from home these days and you were soo busy with school to worry about things like that.

This time it was like she was doing it for her. You were glad.

Your mom looked genuinely happy when she spoke about this guy.

Who were you to get in the way?

.

She spent almost the whole weekend in the kitchen. It was the longest you’ve seen her in there in your entire life.

She was excited for the dinner on Sunday.

Mr Jeon was the name of the chosen man.

He was coming over with his kid. A son, his only family. His wife passed away years ago.

You wore the dress your mom picked out for you, something cream in color and off the shoulders that brushed your knees. She looked pretty in her champagne dress. It was different from the office slacks and loose blouses you were used to seeing her in.

You stood by her at the door while the guests came through.

Lifting your head from a polite bow, you found herself staring straight into an achingly familiar pair of glinting dark eyes and went completely still.

‘Sweetie,' Your mother said sounding delighted, a soft hand on your stiff shoulder. 'This is Mr Jeon and his son Jungkook.’

Ah. Fuck.

‘Jeon dear, this is my daughter. Isn’t she lovely?’

.

Dinner was a mild affair, with small talk and the occasional clinking of cutlery on fine china.

From the outside looking in, you probably looked the picture perfect family already.

Only if no-one looked close enough.

Arms crossed, tongue in cheek. Your discomfort could be detected from miles away.

The two adults were oblivious.

The dark eyed boy with the slightest wave to his nape touching, brow grazing, ear covering onyx hair sat across you though; he took note of this with a passing glance and wordlessly returned to his food.

Jeon Jungkook had a countenance that betrayed his reputation.

Even though you’ve never talked, you knew plenty about him and you were sure he knew a lot about you too.

You went to the same school.

Dressed as he was in a crisp white dress shirt buttoned at the wrist and dark tailored pants with a fine belt on, it might have been hard to tell what kind of person he really was.

You lifted her gaze from your plate to look study him wordlessly, idly twisting the noodles with your fork.

People either called him the black sheep or the dark cloud but for you, Jeon Jungkook was the school’s resident lone wolf.

He smoked in the secluded areas on campus, sometimes playing his guitar. Beat up people who got on his nerves, sometimes using his guitar. Slept in class the rare times he was there, many times on his guitar.

Being his senior, you had never seen any of any of that for yourself. But you received plenty reports weekly to come to a sound conclusion.

There was no way people hated him enough to join hands in solidarity and make this all up.

It was quite the contrary actually. He had an alarming number of fans.

On the surface level you couldn’t see why. Most times you saw him, he looked bored out his mind and honestly, intimidating.

Maybe it was the tattoos. Or the ripped skinny jeans. Or the leather jackets with studs.

Maybe it was the domineering height and fit frame and structured face.

Maybe it was the intense dark eyes or the silky ruffled hair.

Even then, you failed to see the irresistible appeal in him. All those things that made him up only added to his unapproachable aura.

Bottom line was, he was bad news.

.

You didn’t want to be a spoil sport.

But how much of a thug your mom’s boyfriend’s son was shouldn’t be something that would make her like him less.

They were both their own people. Right ?

It was just that you just didn’t want her to be shocked and devastated if something happened later. When it happened.

Yet it seemed the serious conversation would have to wait.

After dinner your mom suggested you head to the living room to chat over wine and cheese.

You stayed back to do take out the dishes.

Earlier, your mom had stood to do it instead at first.

‘Don’t bother with that, dear.’ She reached for the plates in your hands. ‘Let me do it.’

‘It’s okay, mom.’ You smiled a little. ‘This is your night. I’ll meet you in the living room.’

'Sweetie...' Your mom looked close to tears. ‘But there’s so much of it…’

‘Jungkook,’ his father's voice had cut through the moment. He was a serious man in a crisp suit with a stoic countenance. His voice was just naturally authoritarian without him trying ‘Give her a hand.’

Jungkook stood, almost robotically.

‘It’s fine.’ You said. Politely. Nicely. Tightly. ‘I can handle this much.’

You left without another word.

That had been moments ago and now you were done with cleaning.

You stood at living room entrance for a while, taking in the scene.

The two adults were exchanging moon eyes and whispering in each other’s ears at the love seat.

Jungkook was sitting on a solo seat, but he was on his phone, completely unbothered by what was happening.

Your mom seemed to think it was the perfect time to pull out the photo album right then and there upon seeing you.

It was embarrassing but at least you knew you didn’t have to worry about the pictures spreading at school.

Jungkook was looking, picking up a picture occasionally to rove over, but he wasn’t the type to do that.

He also wasn’t the type to stare but you felt his glance shifting to you and lingering multiple times.

Once, you caught his eyes and he just stared at you across the coffee table wordlessly with a curious tilt to his head, idly flipping a picture of you dressed as a knight in glitter shining armor for Halloween at eight in his hands.

Honestly, it was starting to get annoying.

But you endured. For your mom’s sake.

.

Your alarm went off at exactly ten.

As subtly as you could, you excused yourself with an apology to the guests, saying you weren't really feeling well.

In hindsight you probably should have used a better excuse.

Your mom was notorious when it came to worrying, especially when it comes to your health.

Also, you probably should’ve locked the door before undressing just for good measure since people were over.

But in the moment, you were too busy setting your camera up where you were kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed to be concerned about that.

That day you were testing out a new toy.

.

Distractedly, you took note of a couple of people asking you if that was your boyfriend’s shirt you had lifted over your tits.

You ignored them.

Couldn’t a girl own an oversized tee without getting any flack?

Trivial comments like that aside, a good majority of the audience are fawning over how wet you were and how perfect you bouncing tits look being played with.

Your head fell back and your eyes fluttered shut.

You were sitting there, knees raised to your chest and legs splayed, your gushing pussy in full display where the toy was stuffed deep into her tightness, vibrating pleasantly.

‘I’m close…’ you mumbled throatily, squeezing your tits and pinching your stiff nipples in between your moving fingers. You moved your hips move faster, feeling the toy buzz against fluttering walls. You took a hand off one of your tits to rub at your engorged clit. ‘Fuckfuckfuck…’

Deep in your high, you didn’t hear the door open and close with a foreboding click.

You only heard your name being called by a deep, smooth voice through the heady haze.

Instantly you stilled.

When you snapped your head to look over her shoulder Jungkook was there, hands in his pockets, leaning against your doorframe with his sleeves drawn up to his elbows, muscle roped, inked skin on full display.

When he tilted his head to the side a little, appraisively, you dared to say as a quaking chill ran down your spine and your entire body felt like it was about to burst into flames, a bit of his hair fell over his face.

His eyes were like two black in the dark as he took you in, dragging his gaze up and down your exposed body languidly.

In the back of your mind, you wished the ground would part and swallow you whole.

‘Your mom,' he starts, capturing your attention wholly, dark gaze finally flickering to your face, his voice suddenly lower, hoarser. ‘She sent me over to check on you.’

It took you a moment to realize where you were, who you were, who he was.

It was like a bucket of cold water had been dropped over your head.

Jeon Jungkook, the school's resident trouble maker, soon to be your step brother, just walked in on you fingering yourself in in front of a recording camera.

Well. Yeah.

You gulped.

You were royally fucked.

depending on the response I get I might ( most probably will ) delete this. not because I'm ashamed of my work. because I'm embarrassed of myself. I really swore to never write again and here I am. sigh. yes, I have seen my previous works and noticed just how terrible they were and this is a big reason why. so sorry for putting you through that. a million apologies.

also, that's right. I have adopted a new style which might not be to everyone's liking. another reason why.

anyways, if you liked this filth ( i know it seems mild but I can tell you it's very likely gonna get worse ) please idk uh... fuck this isn't ao3. hm.

like and drop by in the ask box if you liked it and want to see more. it makes me happy. its like serotonin fuel to me.

have a nice day. see you next time ( maybe ). stay fresh. yeah. 💜💜.

[moonctzeny]

Baby

au+trope+prompt game: college!au Jaehyun + fake dating + it’s just so hard not to fall in love with you

pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader x asshole!yuta

other members as background characters: yuta, mark, johnny, jungwoo

genre: angst, smut

word count: 9,124

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic behaviour

summary: “When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

a/n: I really don’t like putting yuta in a negative light like that it’s just for the fic’s sake! also I literally used the name Naeun as Jaehyun’s ex because I think it’s SUCH a pretty name, NO correlation whatsoever to any korean celebrity named naeun!

_____________________________________

You knew it was wrong.

Looking through your boyfriend’s, Yuta’s, phone while he took a shower, was the arguably the tackiest thing you have ever done.

He was always distant lately, only seeming to make time for a booty call, and at first, you blamed your hectic schedule. Your major was demanding, to say the least, so when Yuta suggested that you replace your dates with some “quality time” at his dorm, you had no objections. You didn’t know that he also meant ignoring your calls, canceling on you at the last minute to meet up with his frat brothers, and keeping your relationship strictly between four walls and two naked bodies.

The thought of him meaning more to you than you meant for him ate you away. It creeped in your mind while you heard the water running from your shower, and lead your fingertips to tap in the password of his phone.

Opening his messaging app, you recognize his best friends’ icons in a group chat consisting of his frat members. You scrolled up, ignoring the latest massages regarding a party that the frat would be throwing in two weeks. You started to feel guilty, not exactly sure what you were looking for, when you saw your name at the screen.

m0rklee[00:10]: @yutassanhyung, i saw your girl today at the supermarket! why didn’t you tell her about the party next Sunday?

you[00:12]: what girl lol  

m0rklee[00:13]: y/n?? i thought you guys were together?

you[00:12]: nahh

fairyteil[00:15]: eyy @yutassan if you’re done with her i know a couple guys who wanna hit it too

you[00:16]: be my guest haha

you[00:16]: don’t get me wrong she was bad when we met but shit is getting kinda stale

tenoutoften[00:17]: aren’t you on your way to her place lol

you[00:17]: hey hey pussy is pussy

Was that all you were to him? Pussy?

Yuta called you special, he called you yours. He didn’t like it when you were talking to other guys. He ripped your lingerie set because he didn’t want anyone else to ever see you in it but him. And then he dared to go around and call you a fling?

You heard the water stop running and knew you didn’t have much time until you had to face him, the thought alone making you sick.

You didn’t bother to lock his phone again, leaving the chat that made you so upset open. Grabbing your keys and a jacket, you left your place and hoped that Yuta would get the message and get the fuck out of there before you came back.

Your legs walked on their own accord, your memory leading you to the only place where you knew you’d find any sort of comfort. When Johnny opened his door, tears were already streaming down your face. He took the open tequila bottle you were holding and pulled you in for a hug. He smelled like weed and beer, and after hearing the “Is that the pizzas?”, you realized that your best friend wasn’t alone.

You quickly wiped your cheeks and fixed your sex hair that Yuta messed up, trying your best to look presentable. Johnny put a hand on your back and lead you to his living room. Jungwoo, your and Johnny’s friend from high school, was sprawled out on the couch, a little disappointed after seeing that you were, in fact, not the pizzas. Next to him, drowning in a bean bag, was Jaehyun. You didn’t really know him very well other than the fact that he took the same major as Johnny, so you felt a little insecure looking as messy as you did right now. His eyes were red, just like the other men’s, but you could swear his eyelashes looked a little damp.

Jungwoo’s words were muffled by the barbecue chips he was munching away.

“Yoo y/n, I didn’t know you were coming!”

You placed the tequila bottle on the table,

“Yeah, Woo, figured you wanted something to drink”

“Move” Johnny murmured to him, but he only stretched and sighed dramatically, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

“I don’t need a drink I need food. I’m hungry and I got the munchies”

Johnny grabbed his ankle and with impressive ease, dragged Jungwoo to the floor. The taller man sat on the couch, on the side next to Jaehyun and you followed his lead, letting a grumpy Jungwoo lean his head on your knees. Taking the lit joint from Jaehyun’s fingers, Johnny turned his attention back on you.

“So tell me chica” he said and took a hit, “who do I have to beat up?”

“Yuta”, you grumbled, “I’m ghosting this motherfucker”

You felt the vibrations on your lap when Jungwoo started talking.

“What did he do this time? Didn’t I tell you not to get involved with stupid frat boys?”

You started petting his hair, the softness comforting under your fingers.

“Apparently I’m not ‘bad’ enough for him anymore” you replied, throwing air quotes and rolling your eyes.

“Whaaaaat” Johnny drew out with a cough after taking a particularly deep inhale from the blunt, “you’re like the baddest bitch I know. Even now, that you’re all puffy from crying and smell like his dick”

You hit his shoulder, almost dropping the joint he was passing to Jungwoo, embarrassed that he would say something like that in front of Jaehyun, an almost stranger to you.

“I don’t know, man” Jungwoo started, and you could hear the smile on his face, “when girls cry it’s kinda hot”

You were contemplating how many hairs of his you should rip out of his scalp when the telecom rang, assumably by the pizza delivery man.

“Saved by the bell”, Jungwoo muttered to himself and got up quickly to open the door. While the youngest paid for the pizzas, Johnny held your hand, a bit guilty for his words earlier. He had a mischievous smirk and kept shifting his gaze between you and Jaehyun, who had been sitting in silence ever since you got here, occasionally smiling at your friends’ teasing.

“Fuck Yuta, man. You should find a nice guy to treat you well and fuck you even better y’know?” he started, and patted his buddy roughly on the back, “Like Jae over here”

Your eyes widened and you instinctively glanced at Jaehyun, ears a deep red and a matching shocked look on his face.

You cleared your throat, “No offense, but, like, aren’t you practically married to this girl-uhhh what’s her name again? Naeun?”

To someone who wasn’t listening to your conversation, it must have seemed like you tased him, or brought up a painful childhood memory, or asked him if he’d be willing to lick a lemon after washing his teeth. He looked away from you, and turned his attention to his nails, ripping a cuticle off in deep concentration. His voice was so quiet when he finally spoke, that you barely heard him. “I broke up with her, actually.. Like, three hours ago”

Guilt washed over you in an instant, not knowing that you scratched a wound so fresh. You wanted to apologize and even ask if you should leave the three alone, when Jungwoo grabbed the Tequila bottle and crashed on the couch clumsily between you and Johnny.

“Fuck love!”, he yelled, “let’s get wasted”

_______________________________________

You stared at the empty José Cuervo bottle rising up and down Johnny’s chest with every one of his snores. He was laid out on his couch, his tall height taking up all of its entirety, leaving Jungwoo passed out on the floor. Jaehyun followed your eyes and smiled at Johnny’s sleeping face, mouth open and tongue spilling out.

After the 4th shot, you found out that Jae was a pretty decent guy. He let you rant about Yuta while your friends were busy trying to see who could eat a large pizza by himself the fastest. You told him all about how you never went on dates anymore, how you looked through his phone after having sex, and the text conversation you found earlier tonight. He listened carefully, without judgment, and after smoking some more of Johnny’s staff, he opened up to you about his relationship with Naeun.

Or rather, how he found her fucking his roommate on his own bed.

You always thought of these two as what they call a ‘power couple’. Valedictorian meets basketball all-star, they graduate and have beautiful babies, while all the rest of us mortals can do is admire from afar. You would have never guessed the toxicity, constant cheating and manipulation that Jaehyun was recounting. You bonded over stories about cancelled dates, emotional distancing and feeling like you’re always the one giving but never receiving. If you were being honest, you would have never expected such emotional depth from a college point guard. He drew you in with his gentleness, and you noticed how different he was from Yuta, who engulfed you with his intensity. You also hated how even now, you were still thinking of him.

Just then, you got his third message for the night:

asshole [03:35]:come on baby don’t ignore mee, me and the guys were just messing around

you [03:36]:stop texting me

you [03:38]:we’re done

You locked your phone, upset and angry, and felt Jaehyun sigh.

“I know I’m falling for her stupid games, but I just want to get back at her y’know? Show her what she’s missing, that type of thing”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. During the past hours, you weighted all the possible ways you could make Yuta regret ever taking you for granted.

He was so charming that he could get laid with anyone he wanted (and probably did, even when you were ‘dating’), but even after what he said to Taeil, you knew that he hated the thought of anyone else fucking you. He wanted your body to be his, without having to deal with the commitment that came with that privilege.

You thought about fucking one of his frat buddies, but that would get you from being called ‘Yuta’s girl’ to ‘ΘΨΩ’s cumslut’, and your self esteem couldn’t take that blow.

Jaehyun’s deep voice interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Maybe Johnny’s right”

“Huh? ”

“You should date me”

You blinked at him twice, not knowing what to reply when you saw him wave his hands frantically in front of his face.

“Fake date me! I mean, you should fake date me. Sorry, the weed’s got me a little fucked up”

At first, the idea seemed crazy. Yes, it would make Yuta furious that you were supposedly fucking one of the hottest guys on campus. Yes, Naeun would get mad that she didn’t have Jaehyun’s constant attention that she so craved anymore. Yes, you two might have revealed your deepest insecurities, opened up your hearts to each other all while sharing a bottle of alcohol, but you had never hanged out together without Johnny being present. You had barely hanged out together, period. But wouldn’t that make it even more believable? Two of Johnny’s best friends break up at the same time, meet up at his house and inevitably end up together. You didn’t share the same major, so you wouldn’t have to put up the act too much at college. And with social media, making a fake relationship believable was easier than ever.

asshole [03:42]: fuck you. you think you can find someone better than me?

Drunk and lacking logic, you agreed on the plan, and gave him your number. You had just finished creating the contact on his phone when he suddenly got up and rushed to the bathroom, facing the consequences of the tequila and weed combo.

You passed out on Johnny’s bean bag and when you woke up on Sunday afternoon, Jaehyun was gone.

———————————————————

You didn’t expect him to text you on Monday, thinking that it was intoxication that gave him the idea of fake dating and made it look brilliant. So when he gave you the address to his dorm, to further discuss your ‘operation’ you were surprised, but determined to succeed.

The plan was simple. You would start tagging each other on your instagram stories, to show people that you were spending time alone. He agreed to pick you up from your lecture on Wednesday, your classes coinciding on neighboring buildings. And for you final act, he’d come with you as your plus one for the frat’s party next Sunday. Mark was nice enough to invite you, after Yuta ‘forgot’ to do it instead, and Naeun, being Taeil’s sister, wouldn’t miss it for the world. It was the perfect opportunity to flaunt your new relationship, all while being on the opponent’s part of the field.

You started off innocently enough. After you and Jaehyun finished brainstorming ideas about the ‘operation’ as he insisted on calling it, he suggested you stay for a movie and some Chinese food. His dorm was cozy, a little messy, maybe, but it fitted his boyish charm. He had a nice collection of vinyls, stating that his favorite one was I. by Cigarettes After Sex. You were a bit taken aback by his love for dreampop and rnb, but the more you got to know him, the more it seemed to fit him nicely. On the wall next to his bed hung a display full of all of his sport trophies. He was known for his basketball skills, but you also saw medals for soccer, track, volleyball. Amongst them all was an English certificate and a spelling bee award. You wondered if he ever felt pressure trying to be so perfect all the time.

The movie was terrible, but Jaehyun managed to entertain you by making silly jokes throughout and mocking the actors’ bad acting. It was the first time you ever saw him crack a joke like that and be willing to contort his handsome features. So much better than the dream boy image he was feigning for everyone, but you didn’t know him well enough to tell him. The movie was halfway done when he picked up his phone and opened a camera app through his Instagram.

“Shouldn’t we take a story? Since we’re together anyways?”

You nodded and scooted closer to him. He was a bit hesitant as he positioned the camera to capture your legs that were touching, a scene from the movie playing in the background. It was a cute picture but nothing indicated that the two of you were more than friends. You pressed the X at the top of the screen to discard the picture, and placed his hand on top of your thigh. You turned around just in time to witness his ears turning into a fuschia pink.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded and regained his cool, taking the picture and tagging you with a red heart next to your username.

A couple hours after leaving his place you texted him, asking if Naeun had replied to his story. He said that unfortunately, the only person who batted an eye was Johnny, replying with a “ 👀 👀 👀 “ .

———————————————————

You met up again the next day, at your apartment this time.

He looked nervous being in a place so foreign to him yet so personal to you, so you decided to turn the lights down to help him relax, insisting that you weren’t trying to seduce him or anything. He laughed at your joke but still looked tense, and you thought that maybe he needed some liquid courage to open up.

“Hey Jae. Want a drink?”

It took him 3 beers to finally loosen up and show you his dimpled grin again. You were sitting on the floor, facing each other and feeling comfortable in the ambience of the room. A Spotify playlist was playing in the background so it would fill up the awkward silence but wouldn’t distract you from your conversation.

“Wait wait wait. So you sleep without a pillowcase?”

“Yeah, didn’t you notice it when you came to my place yesterday?”

“I thought you forgot to do your laundry!”

His laugh was resonating and deep and manly. It made his eyes disappear and his face light up, not that it didn’t anyway - the guy could easily be a skin care ambassador, and you made a mental note to ask him about his moisturizer later.

You followed his gaze to one of your walls. Pictures were filling it up, memories of yourself and your siblings, of your friends from home that you missed, of Johnny and Jungwoo. You felt a little insecure then, comparing them to Jaehyun’s countless medals and awards.

“I’m not good at sports like you, so I have nothing else to hang on my wall”, you laughed awkwardly but he shook his head.

“No, I’m actually jealous of you. Everyone always seems to want to be around you”

“Except Yuta”

“Yuta’s an idiot, then. You are way out of his league anyways.”

You felt yourself turning into a blushing mess and looked for a way to break the awkward silence that followed his comment.

“Wanna share another one?” you asked him, shaking the empty beer bottle on your hand and he nodded. You started getting up when you felt him put a hand on your shoulder and pick up the bottles you had finished up from the table himself. He rinsed them off and put them away to the recycling bag next to your sink, the domesticity of the action making you melt. You watched as he stood on his tiptoes to reach a lager from the top drawer of your fridge, revealing a defined set of abs and two cute dimples on his lower back. You ripped your eyes away immediately, like you were caught doing something illegal, and he walked back to his spot next to you. As soon as he sat down, he groaned and threw his head back.

“The bottle opener was on the kitchen counter. I forgot to bring it”

Without saying a word, you took the beer from his hand and placed the cap in your mouth. It was a party trick that your older brother had taught you when you were 15. After finding a stable indentation on your teeth, you manipulate the rough edges of the cap and pop the beer open. You return the glass bottle to Jaehyun, who’s looking at you incredulously.

“Fuck me, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen”, he breaths out and you feel your whole face burning up. You opened and closed your mouth a couple times, trying to register that someone like him thought you were hot, when you felt your phone vibrating, saving you from further embarrassing yourself.

Johnny’s picture lit up on the screen and you mentally prepared yourself for the following conversation. You and Jaehyun decided against telling anyone about your relationship being fake. It’s not that your best friend wasn’t reliable, but if you told Johnny you had to tell Jungwoo, and Jungwoo doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut to save his life.

“John, what’s up”

“Eyy chica what took you so long?”

You looked at Jaehyun who had leaned back against the pillow of your couch and sipped on the beer you would share.

“Yeah sorry I was a little busy”

“Busy.. with Jaehyun?”

You tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but you were still trying to recover from the previous incident.

“Yeah, he’s here”

“Ohh I see, little y/n can’t get enough of Jae’s slam dunks.. I bet he’s teaching you the bank shot, the opening tip, the double dribble, the fast break, the palming.. he sure is great for a rebound-”

You interrupted him, growing tired of his nonstop basketball innuendos.

“Why did you call me Johnny?”

“Damn, sorry, I just wanted to ask you what you wanted for your birthday”

Shit, you forgot about that.

“Just get me whatever, I don’t care, you know how much I hate celebrating anyways. I’ll get the cake myself, so no surprises”

Jaehyun lifted his brows and waited patiently for your call to end before asking:

“What are we celebrating?”

“It’s my birthday on Friday. I’m going to invite a couple people over and Johnny’s already stressing over it. Don’t worry, though, you don’t have to come”

“How can your boyfriend not come to your birthday party?”

You laugh bitterly.

“Well, it’s not like Yuta came last year. To any of my parties for that matter”

“Well, he must have made up to you somehow? Got you a very special gift or something?”

“If you count eating me out as a gift then yes. It was very rare indeed.”

You took the beer from him and took a sip yourself. You noticed he had his eyes glued on his phone, his expression gloomy.

“Is everything okay?”

He snapped out of it at the sound of your voice and turned his phone screen towards you.

It was Naeun, or rather a post on her instagram account. She had her tongue out in the picture, hugging two guys that were unfamiliar to you. You read the caption.

“One day the loser will realize that the diamond he thinks he’s playing with is actually a rock”

Jaehyun mumbled an apology. I guess he thought that you’d be a bit offended being called a ‘rock’ but you were actually feeling satisfied. Your fake relationship had managed to get her attention, and for Jaehyun’s sake, you wanted to rub it in her face even more.

You opened your camera app and placed your phone on the table next to you. He figured what you wanted to do so he sat up straighter and motioned to his lap. You’d normally be a bit hesitant to sit on him if it wasn’t for the two beers and your determination, that had fired up again due to Naeun’s words. Leaning back a bit, you set up the self-timer and he put his hands on your hips to stabilize you.

You had agreed on turning up the boldness of your pics, so you placed your hands on his neck, right under his jawline. He snaked his hands upwards and wrapped them around your waist, bringing you even closer. His eyes were glossy from the alcohol and he looked at you with an impressive calmness, considering the intimacy of your position. It seemed like he was waiting for something, the ticking of the timer urging you to take things a bit further and he nodded, as if giving you permission. You leaned in, and pressed your lips on the corner of his mouth, like you couldn’t decide on kissing his dimple or his lips.

After hearing the click you climbed down from his lap, and prayed that the photo came out in focus. Your heart couldn’t handle another retake. From the angle of the camera, it seemed like you were a couple in love, sharing a sweet kiss on the lips. You added a cute caption and tagged him, so he could repost it later on his own account.

It hadn’t been 5 minutes before your phone lit up.

yutassan replied to your story: what the fuck?

You smiled triumphantly and showed the message to Jaehyun, who laughed at Yuta’s reaction. He gave you an excuse about some forgotten homework and how it was late and he has to go.

“Remember, I’ll pick you up tomorrow from class, so wait for me”

After he left, you thought about your almost kiss and the dimples of his back for way too long.

——————————————————

You exited the classroom with a growing headache. The lesson today seemed extra boring, and all you could think about was that you had to convince Johnny that it really took just three days for Jaehyun and you to officially start dating.

As promised, the pair waited for you at the end of the hallway, your best friend looking at the two of you expectantly. Jaehyun was a good actor, you thought, as he approached you before you got to reach them, meeting you halfway.

“Hey baby”, he smiled at you, the nickname turning your legs into jelly. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder, and kissed your cheek sweetly, making Johnny coo at the two of you.

“I can’t believe that I hadn’t thought about pairing the two of you together earlier”

He must have thought that the awkward body language and the silence that fell was a sign from you and Jae to leave you alone. He excused himself, saying something about “letting the young lovers swim in the pool of their love”, or something along those lines.

The two of you walked together, following the road to your next class that was just a few buildings away.

“So how has class, baby

You rolled your eyes at the insistent nickname, “you know that Johnny left us, like, 5 minutes ago, right?”

“Let me enjoy itttt”, he whined, “Naeun never let me call her anything like that”

“Why is that?”

He looked at his feet moving and frowned in thought.

“She said I was embarrassing her in front of her friends. I think she just didn’t want other guys to know that we were together”

You felt a pang of sadness and you realized that it always followed any conversation you two had about his and Naeun’s relationship.

“Well then if you call me baby, I can will you honey. Or sugarplum. Or pumpkin pie. Or-“

It was startling how fast Jaehyun pressed you up against the wall. In just a moment, he had put his hands on your waist, burying his face in your hair. You shivered when you felt his breath as he spoke against your neck.

“Yuta’s watching us”

All you could do was stay frozen in place, and listen with wide eyes.

“Huh?”

He chuckled at your response, but he replied patiently.

“Yuta? Your ex? He’s right over there. Figured we should give him a show”

And with that, he kissed you. Everything was happening so fast, that you could barely comprehend that Jaehyun, that was a stranger in the past weekend, was now making out with you at the hall, for everyone to see.

And that included Yuta.

You opened your eyes in the kiss and searched for him, spotting him with his frat buddies. His eyes were piercing through the two of you, and you saw Mark holding him back by the shoulder. The look on his face was priceless.

Jaehyun pulled back and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you”, you whispered, “but I need one more favor”

“Anything baby”

“Slap my ass as we walk away”

Sure enough, Jaehyun took your hand and you continue your walk, momentarily stopping to make eye contact with Yuta and give you a little spank. It was something your ex loved doing on the rare occasion you two met up outside of your dorms, no matter how public the setting. You heard Mark yelling something at his ‘Yuta hyung’ and that’s when you thought, your plan just might work.

———————————————————

You didn’t see Jaehyun until your birthday. It was just a small get together, but your place was starting to get a bit crowded as time went by. Johnny had been suffocating you with hugs ever since he got there, reminiscing the time you met as teenagers and calling you an old lady. Jungwoo on the other hand couldn’t stop asking about Jaehyun. You kept making excuses about how he didn’t feel so good today and might not make it. You didn’t expect him to come, of course. Just because you had agreed on fake dating, it didn’t mean that he had any obligation to be present in all your social events. The loving message he left on your Facebook wall was enough to fulfill the purpose of your current relationship.

That is why, when you heard a knock on your door, the last thing you thought you’d see was Jaehyun holding a dozen of red roses.

“Happy birthday baby!”, he exclaimed and gave you a kiss on your cheek,

“I asked Johnny about your favorite flowers, hope we got it right”

Feeling speechless, you took the roses from his hands and inhaled their sweet scent. You were dumbfounded that he actually came, and even brought you a present. You thanked him for coming, and he repeated the same thing he said back at your place, “how could your boyfriend miss your birthday?”

And even you were fooled, momentarily, when he held you by the waist later that night and sang you happy birthday. You blew your candles and all you could wish for was a love like the one Jaehyun was faking for you. He helped you clean up, and was more than willing to socialize with all of your friends. You admired how well he fitted in your social circle, already friends with Johnny and Jungwoo, yet so nice that even people he met for the first time came to love him.

You were sitting on one of your dining chairs, your two best friends already passed out on your couch. They had brought two bottles of vodka and your favorite tequila, but you weren’t in the mood to drink. You couldn’t help but remember the time when you practically begged Yuta to be there on your special day and he still missed it. You were scared that if you got a little drunk you would text him, or worse, call him, his sweet talk bringing you back to him all over again.

The only sounds resonating through your apartment were Jungwoo’s light snoring and a chill Spotify playlist playing from your laptop. A familiar tune came on, and you recognized it being ‘Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby’ by Cigarettes After Sex. You immediately looked at Jaehyun, the only conscious person still at the party other than you. He threw his head back and sighed contently at the sound of his favorite song. You saw him get up and walk over to you, reaching his hand out.

“Will the birthday girl spare me a dance?”

You slow danced in the middle of your living room, ending the night in the sweetest note. Jaehyun always felt so stable, so safe. You wondered how he got himself tangled up in that mess of a relationship with Naeun. Maybe it was the way he treated people with such kindness, void of any prejudice. Maybe he was a little bit like you, and didn’t think he deserved much.

“She’s crazy” you mumble against his chest, his confused hum making you feel the vibration on your face.

“Naeun. She’s crazy for ever cheating on someone like you. You’re perfect”

“I have my flaws”

You thought about how competitive he got when you played beer pong earlier, how his ears get red when he gets embarrassed, how he shows his dimpled smile in apology when he’s late. His love for drinking and how it makes him more honest, his trust in people that must have gotten him hurt many, many times. You liked them all, you loved them all.

“It’s just so hard for someone not to fall in love with you”

———————————————————

And that’s how the days went by with Jaehyun. You met up almost every day, in restaurants for a nice dinner, or hanging out in each other’s dorm. It was so much fun getting to spend time with him, that you sometimes forgot to make your meetup public on social media. You helped him with his math homework, and he helped you dye your hair. You even went to his basketball game, and he dedicated one of his goals to you, following every teen movie cliche.

You felt a little sad how it was all falling to an end. The plan was successful, for the most part. Naeun had asked Jaehyun to meet up later tonight, talk things through. You wished he wouldn’t go back to her, but you knew you had no real say in his love life. Yuta saw that he didn’t own you, that there were people like Jaehyun that were willing to give you what your ex had promised you, but wasn’t able to give. Well, not really, you reminded yourself. Jaehyun was faking it. You shouldn’t let yourself get lost in the fairytale, even if the past two weeks were some of the best of your life. He had proposed that you claim that the reason for your upcoming ‘breakup’ was differences in character, but you decided to stay friends. You were happy that at least, in the midst of all this mess, you met someone like him.

It was Saturday, a day before the frat party. You had invited him over, celebrate the end of your relationship with some pizza and a movie.

The movie was boring, but Jaehyun made you laugh. It reminded you of the first time the two of you met up alone. You had gotten comfy on your couch, sharing popcorn when you noticed. A huge bruise was peeking out from Jaehyun’s tank top, the dark color contrasting against his porcelain skin.

“What the hell?!” you exclaimed and scooted closer to him. You rushed your hands on his chest, your fingers pushing the fabric aside to examine the bruise. You found even more bruises scattered around it, accompanied with scratches that stretched longer than his top could.

“It was from the game the other day”, he tried to excuse, but you weren’t buying it.

“Jae, I was there. You played basketball, not WWE. Now who did this to you?”

He sighed and fidgeted with a loose string on his jeans, clearly uncomfortable.

“When I caught Naeun with my roommate, and broke up with her, she didn’t take it very well”

You kept staring at him, urging him to continue.

“She started calling me names, saying that she’s the best I’ll ever have. That I’m worthless without her, just a social climber trying to mooch off of her popularity”

He motioned on his torso, “When I kicked her out of my place, this happened”

“Is that the first time she acted violent?”

He shook his head. “Pretty much every time she didn’t get her way”

“Jae”, you started, placing your hands on top of his “this is abuse. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“It’s- it’s nothing. It’s embarrassing”

“No it’s not! Abuse is not exclusive to any gender! Guys get affected by it too!”

“It’s embarrassing because I know I can physically stop her but I don’t”

His eyes were starting to water, the sight was heartbreaking. “I sit there frozen and just take it”

“Why?”

“Because part of me believes her. That I’m hopeless without someone like her, dictating what I can and cannot do. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that it’s sick. I have these bruises to remind me”

You were starting to get angry. Angry at that bitch for hurting him, angry at Jaehyun who puts up with it, angry at you, for not seeing past the obvious like everyone else.

“I’m not letting you go see her tonight”

He laughs at you, putting up an invisible barrier between you.

“Not letting me? Wake up y/n! We’re not a real couple, remember? We’re just faking it to satisfy our selfish needs. This whole thing is pointless”

He stormed to the door and you tried to stop him, but he was too riled up for that.

“You’re going to forget about me as soon as this whole circus is over, just like everyone else”

“How can you accuse me like that when you haven’t even let me be a part of your life for real?”

“Because now you’ve met me. Me. With all my ugly, all my fucking bruises. Is it still so hard not to fall in love with me?”

With that, he closed your door with a bang, not even letting you answer that yes, it was impossible not to fall in love with Jung Jaehyun.

———————————————————

History seemed to repeat itself, as you got a text from him the next morning, that you didn’t expect.

jaehyunnie: let’s meet outside of the frat at 10:30, i’ll bring the booze.

And that’s what you did, showing up with your shortest skirt, spotting Jaehyun sitting a few meters from the frat’s entrance. He was laying against the wall, his eyes red, and he gave you the same smile he always did when he saw you, as if your fight yesterday never happened.

“Hey baby” he said and pulled you in for a hug. You couldn’t resist the invitation, and felt yourself melting in his embrace. He smelled like weed and shower gel.

It was nice, how he proclaimed your truce, but you still had to get something off your chest.

“Listen, Jae, about last night, you were right. This whole thing is pointless. We can go home, if you want”

“No baby”, he started and pulled away just enough to look at you. His eyes were droopy but glancing back at you with such care as he moved a strand of hair out of your face, “we’re here to have fun”

You wondered why he was still willing to come to the party with you as your boyfriend. Maybe he wanted to do you one last favor with Yuta, or maybe he wasn’t done indulging in Naeun’s petty games. You looked at his forearms, noticing a few scratches that weren’t there yesterday.

“I’m guessing you and Naeun didn’t make up last night”

He shook his head, and rubbed his hands on your back, keeping your temper down.

“Did you get in a fight?”

“Something like that”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was anger and protectiveness, possessiveness even. You laced your fingers in his locks, letting his head rest against the wall. If Naeun wanted you to speak in her language, then so be it.

You started kissing his neck, on that part on the side that is tender and sensitive. You heard passerbys whistling at the two of you, seemingly getting it on in public. Your licks and sucks weren’t meant for pleasure though, you had a goal and that was to leave a bruise. A statement for Naeun.

You walked in the building hand in hand and followed Jae to the kitchen, where he poured you a drink out of the bottle he brought along. Looking around, you sensed a couple familiar faces staring back at you from the crowd. Taeyong from class, Mark and Ten, and last but not least, Naeun. You downed the drink in one shot and lead Jaehyun to the dance floor.

He put his hands on your hips, and swayed you at the sound of some club song you weren’t familiar with. You ground your ass against him and he hissed, keeping you close against him. A little voice in your head was screaming how this isn’t real, to him this is all pretend, but you ignored it. You wanted her to think that he was yours, that she couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Why are you doing this to me y/n? Yuta’s not even around”

Jae turned you around, and you put your hands on his shoulders. He looked absolutely breathtaking tonight. You searched his face for a flaw, yet couldn’t find any. You wouldn’t change a single thing on him.

“She’s here” you said venomously.

He buried his face in your neck, inhaling the smell of your hair and trying to ground himself from his high. “I don’t give a fuck about Naeun”

He kissed your ear and your mind fogged up even more.

“She didn’t ask me to meet up yesterday, I did. I wanted to tell her that she and I were done, for good. I thought she wouldn’t be here tonight, but I guess she changed her mind”

What?

“Then why are you here? And why did you let me give you that big ass hickey?”

He stopped nibbling on your ear, and whispered to it instead.

“I’d never miss up on a chance to feel yours”

The bodies dancing next to you, the liquer you had downed a few minutes ago and Jaehyun’s words were getting too much to handle. You felt suffocated, unable to distinguish where reality ended and pretending began with you two.

“Jae, I need a moment, excuse me”

Releasing yourself from his grasp, you made your way to the kitchen. There wasn’t any fresh air, but there was plenty of booze. You poured yourself a shot and as you downed it, you felt another liquid trickling down your top.

You looked up to find out who managed to make this night even worse for you, only to come across the last person you needed to see tonight. Yuta.

“Shit I’m sorry”, he muttered and you avoided eye contact, thinking you’d manage to get away without him realizing it was you. Luck wasn’t on your side tonight.

“Well well well. Long time no see.”

Confidence was dripping from his smile, to his stance, to the way he looked at you. He had dyed his hair your favorite color, his white locks begging to be tugged and played with. To top it all off, he smelled good, so, so good. He smelled dangerous. Comfortable.

You immediately realized that you didn’t have the self control needed to resist him. Turning on your heel, you started to get the hell out of there when he held your wrist, keeping you in place.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you can’t stay like this, you’ll catch a cold”

“Since when are you worried about me?”

“C’mon y/n, please. Come upstairs, I’ll give you a clean shirt. No funny business, I promise”

You hated yourself for this, but you followed him upstairs to his room, like a pray falling right into the hunter’s trap. He closed the door behind him, muting the loud music and you sat on his bed that you were so familiar with. Looking through his closet, he passed you one of his t-shirts, and turned around to let you change with some privacy. It was comical how chivalrous he was acting, considering the unspeakable things you’ve done in here.

“Not like you’ll see something you haven’t seen already”, you murmured and he chuckled, raising his hands.

“Hey, I’m a gentleman. It’s my fault, after all. I have a habit of getting you wet.”

Blushing at his comment, you quickly changed into the clean shirt and felt the bed dip next to you. You thanked him under your breath and started getting up, when you felt him hold you back once again.

“Stay, just a moment. I’ve missed you”

“What do you want?”

“You, baby”

Yuta was the one who said it, but you swore you felt Jaehyun’s voice reverberating through the nickname. Suddenly, it felt like there was no air for you to breathe.

“That’s not happening, Yuta. I’m with Jaehyun now”

He scoffed, “Jaehyun? Naeun’s puppy? Come on now, we both know you can do better than that”

“Don’t talk about him like that”, you bite back, but he doesn’t budge.

“What kind of boyfriend leaves his girl alone in a party like this?” He grips your chin, making you stare at him face to face, impossibly close. “Look at you. Every single guy in this party wants to fuck you. You expect me to be ok with this?”

Yuta lets his other hand glide on your knee, moving up to your thigh slowly. He smiled at how easy it was to focus on him.

“Do you remember how I made you feel? How I reminded you that you’re mine? You were moaning so loud, Mark thought you’d pass out. You loved it.”

You wanted to scream, tell him that this was the past you, that you couldn’t take going back to him once again and get your heart broken one more time, but you felt helpless around him. The warm feeling was only temporary, it would soon evaporate when you face the fact that to him, you are nothing but a play toy, a possession.

And that’s when Jaehyun barged in through the door. His eyes moved frantically from Yuta’s hands on your thighs, to his band tee you wore, to your discarded top on the floor. He quickly turned red, the color spreading from his neck to his face, then landing on his ears.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?”

You instantly got up, following his thought sequence.

“It’s not what it looks like! He spilled his drink on me and gave me a clean shirt and..and..”

“And you decided to sit on his lap to thank him?”, he mocked you and Yuta laughed.

“Calm down, dude. I didn’t make her do anything. Besides, it’s not the first time y/n found her way over here after some disappointing dick”

Jaehyun grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up from the bed, forcing him to stand and face him. You moved between the two, trying to stop the catastrophe that was about to happen. Jae might have more muscle power than Yuta, but if the whole frat ganged up on him he would have to leave this place in a stretcher.

“Jaehyun please, let’s just go. Baby, please”

The nickname was the only thing that brought him out of his rage and made him listen to you. He let go of Yuta and took your hand, dragging you out of the room.

You were two hallways down when you pulled away, forcing him to stop.

“Why did you have to get so mad?”

“Why the fuck did you go back to him?”

“I didn’t! It was just.. so hard for me to tell him no”

You felt your eyes water with how pathetic you sounded. Jaehyun rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration.

“Don’t you understand how much it fucking hurts? To see you with that guy that treats you like shit when I’m right here, willing to give you everything? When I’m in love with you?”

You couldn’t process what he said because in a moment, his mouth was on yours. The kiss was so different than the one you shared at the hallway of your campus. It was passionate, it was rough, and this time, he monopolized your attention. His lips were determined to bruise into yours, leaving you breathless and causing your back to fall against a wall. It was crowded around you, eyes prying into your intimate moment but to you, the only person around was Jaehyun.

“You smell like him”, he growled, sucking on the tender spot under your ear, “makes me wanna fuck his scent off of you”

That was all you needed to hear. You led him to the frat’s guest room, knowing that Taeil always kept a spare key in the lamp next to the door. Unlocking the door seemed like a tour de force with Jaehyun leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, but you finally managed to stumble inside. You locked the door behind you, continuing your heated kiss, hands roaming around each other’s body.

He was taller than you, so when you felt him grab your ass with such eagerness, you almost lifted off the ground. You palmed him through his jeans, the roughness of his hard on making your panties stick from wetness just a bit more.

“I want to taste you” you managed through kisses, but he just unzipped your skirt as a response, pulling it to the floor in one hasty move. Petting your clit through your underwear, a shiver ran down your spine, spreading goosebumps all over your arms and legs.

“I don’t think I have the patience for that”

He walked you backwards towards the guest bed, taking his pants and shirt off along the way. You sat on the edge of it and admired his godly proportions, when you took notice of the bruises and scratches that led to your fight on Saturday. Suddenly feeling the need to slow down, you started leaving kisses over each and every one of them. You wanted him to trust you, give in to you completely. He had his flaws just like he said, but you wanted all of him. And you wanted him now.

“I need you, now”, you voiced your thoughts and helped him take off his boxers, revealing his hard cock. He was thick and decently long, making your mouth water and your pussy clench.

Towering on top of you, he removed your panties that were embarrassingly damp at this point, and by his smirk, you knew he noticed.

Jaehyun bent your legs next to your torso, making you expose all of you. He licked his lips as he dove into your lower ones, muttering praises about your “pretty pussy”, turning you impossibly wet.

Jung Jaehyun never disappoints, you thought, because the moment you felt the first lap over your sensitive bud, you got a taste of heaven. He alternated between licking and sucking over the spot that turned you into putty against him. You were already unbearably turned on at this point, and the changing pace of his tongue made you lose your mind.

Your pants and moans only seemed to urge him on, and after a few minutes of his careful treatment you felt yourself getting close. He must have sensed it, because when you grabbed the bedpost in an effort to stop shaking, he stood on his knees, and reached for a condom in his wallet.

You didn’t have time to complain about the denial of your orgasm, and started taking Yuta’s shirt off, when he grabbed your hands and placed them back on their previous position on the headboard.

“Don’t”, he said sternly as he lined himself up your entrance, “I want to fuck you in his shirt”

There was no time to think about whether his request was healthy or not, because when you felt him stretch you out, the only thing on your mind was him and his dick.

You let out a deep moan and he took it as a sign to screw himself deeper inside you. Your pussy gushed uncontrollably, filling the room with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. You unlaced your fingers and ran them down his back, ghosting them over the dimples that had affected you so much.

Jaehyun lowered himself, letting his chest touch yours, and you could feel his abs contracting over the fabric of Yuta’s shirt.

“I bet he’s never eaten you out like that, yeah?”

“N-no, never, ahh”

He sat up again, putting your legs over his shoulders and lifted your butt off the mattress, gripping your hips to steady himself before continuing his incredible pace.

“You’re mine, aren’t you baby? Mine to give you everything.”

The position felt divine. He was hitting it incredibly deep, reaching the spot that had you moaning so loud you were thankful for the unbearably loud music of the party. You were sure his fingers would leave a mark over your hipbones but you didn’t care, the pain only accentuating the warm feeling in your belly.

“J-Jae don’t stop - fuck don’t stop I’m gonna cum”

He leaned over, grabbing your face that was contorting in pleasure.

“Look at me when you cum for me”, he demanded, and when you rolled your eyes behind your head, letting go, he let out his first moan for the night.

He kissed your lips sweetly, helping you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful, my baby. So, so beautiful”, he praised and you submitted fully to him. He turned your body around, positioning you in all fours, and you wondered where the gentle boy you met at Johnny’s house went. His dick buried in you once again, spreading your juices around and the sensitivity of your previous orgasm made you aware of every single inch.

“So fucking tight”

Jaehyun didn’t go easy on you. He saw how much you liked it, how you were pushing your ass against his cock. He pounded in and out of you with the intention of fucking your thoughts out, and that’s just what he did. When the feeling got too much, and making any sort of noise seemed like a feat, you felt him push your hair back, and start biting on your neck, most definitely leaving a mark.

“I’m gonna cum. Fuck, I’m gonna cum”, he muttered, his voice wavering and you felt him release in the condom inside you.

It took a while for the both of you to regain your breaths. Jaehyun’s chest was heaving up and down as you rest your head on top of it, not brave enough to break the silence.

“I’m sorry”, he finally said and started petting your hair lovingly.

“About what?”

The bed was foreign and small but you both stayed still, wanting to bask a little more in the peacefulness of the moment.

“About getting so possessive, and saying all these things out of jealousy. I acted just like him..”

You kissed his left peck, listening to his heart that was starting to beat in a faster pace.

“Jaehyun, you’re nothing like Yuta. I get how you felt, I feel the same way when I think about you with Naeun”

He took your hand that was resting on his abs and planted a kiss on your palm. Your heart did a flip and you were pressed so close together, he sure must have felt it.

“I should have told you about her sooner. About the fights and how I let her go because of you. I was in denial about my feelings for you because-“

He stopped mid sentence, wary of the way his words would come off to you. Jaehyun was a proud man, but he opened up his heart tonight, admitting he was in love with you. He had already exposed so much of himself that you gave him the time he needed to organize his thoughts.

“Because I was insecure. That you would never like someone like me. That Naeun was right. That you were only interested in playing pretend with me and didn’t mean any of the things you said, and I let myself get carried away in a lie”

You and Jaehyun were two lost souls, trying to break free from the constraints your insecurities built up for you. You didn’t have to succumb to your masochistic tendencies anymore, wasting your time in heartless lovers because now you found him and he found you. Both unable to see any value in themselves, but more that willing to treasure the other. And that was enough for you.

“I’d be honored to be loved by someone like you. Baby.”

[itsbeaconhillsbaby]

shatter us || tom holland x reader

a/n: hello gorgeous people. this is not the cutesy road trip fic that I have planned - the follow up for a luminous love. but instead just a little sprinkle, little dash of some angst for your casual sunday. yikes, I hope you all still enjoy (still ends fluffy bc I'm not a heathen...yet) 

since I love hearing your thoughts so much, is there anything you’d personally like to see from me, alongside what i’m working on? hit me up and I might just work on some fic for you, got a full week off work so let me know! as always, stay wonderful and come chat! x 

word count: 2166 warnings: we do have a swear and some smashed glass, some sad thoughts but nothing too dark or dangerous - very tame summary: emotional outbursts lead to some much needed conversations

6:10.

There was a lack of chirping birds that morning. The sun stayed behind the clouds, keeping itself out of view. The air cold and stale. Sheets were pulled taught at either end of the bed. Two bodies, usually yearning to be held in each other’s embrace clutching instead to their designated edges.

You were fearful to exhale your breath, one small movement and this frozen moment could all come crashing down around you. As though you were stood at the very edge of a precipice, toes hanging over the side. One tiny blow away from tumbling into a dark abyss.

Before you thought your chest was going to explode from the inside, you felt the springs next to you dip only slightly. The signs of someone moving.

He hadn’t moved all night. You wondered if he’d managed to catch any sleep at all before you felt the bed dip further as he untangled his legs from the sheets, heading into the en suite bathroom.

You reached a hand out from your cocoon, your phone lighting up as you tilted it towards you.

10 missed calls.

15 texts

You’d told your best friend that you’d screwed everything up, unwilling to reveal what happened before you let your tears lull to into a restless sleep.

You weren’t sure at what time Tom joined you. Sighing, you heard the click of your phone locking as you lay it back down.

Tom comes back out of the bathroom, slowing slightly as he sees you curled up in the corner of the bed instead of star-fished or snuggling into his pillow as you usually did when he left the room – resulting in playfighting or cuddles.

“I think we need to talk.”

His voice was rough and scratchy. You slid yourself up against the headboard, pulling your jumper sleeves over your hands and nodding in agreement. You couldn’t speak yet, you weren’t sure you knew how. Words refusing to form as your stomach churned.

“Okay, I’ll see you downstairs then.” He grabs a hoodie of his own before leaving the room, you could hear him moving through the flat.

You take a few deep breaths, taking note of the room around you. glancing over the space you had shared for the past year and a half. Something told you this could be the last morning you’d wake up here.

Exhaling, you slide your feet onto the golden wood crossing the room to reach the bathroom. You splash water over your face, fluffy towel ready to catch the droplets before finishing up.

“Here we go,” you mumble to yourself as you push against the sink counter and head for the kitchen.

////

Tom fills up the kettle, unfocussed eyes staring into the distance. He put it back on its stand before flicking down the switch.

A hand ran through his messy bed head of curls. This was all so wrong, all of it. He told you that he wanted to talk but as he routinely made two teas, he didn’t have a clue what he was going to say. But he began filming in four days and you both had to fix this tension between you. For the first time, you were both unsure of what the outcome would be. 

Taking a small brush and pan over to the wall he brushes up the broken glass, hearing it tinkle as he gathers it into the pan, releasing it into the bin, frustrated at his own outburst the previous night.

He’s against the counter stirring the two mugs when you walk in. He motions to the sofa.

He takes you in as you stand in front of him, shyer and more nervous that he’d ever seen you. He hated that you felt like that. Drowning in one of his sweatshirts and a pair of his cotton shorts, your face was tinged pink and he hoped that you hadn’t been crying in the short time it took to make your teas.

You gave a small smile of thanks at the steaming mug he slid across to you before heading to the sofa. You rolled your shoulders, caressing the mug between your hands - letting the heat warm them.

“I’m so sorry-“

“I’m so sorry-“

You both blurt out simultaneously. His eyes twinkle slightly, as he huffed out a slight chuckle.

“Well that’s a good start at least.”

You nod, stifling a nervous laugh, mouth upturned. He offers you to go first. You take a sip of your tea, letting it soothe your nauseous stomach.

Swallowing, you trace your finger around the rim of your mug. Closing your eyes for a single moment before staring into his, so wide and filled with hurt.

Last night played on repeat in your head.

“Stop saying you love me as a response for when things get too hard - it’s just words Tom! Just because you love me doesn’t mean that I feel loved by you!”

Tom’s mouth fell open, eyes wide as he stood transfixed on you. You stared at him in shock, completely taken aback by your own outburst. The room was blanketed in an unforgiving silence, your voice wobbling at the building honesty that had come tumbling out.

“Wow. I offered to fly you out to be with me before filming officially started for fucks sake! You declined! Was that not enough for you?! Does that not show you I love you? My career is important and I’m sorry that annoys you!”

“That is not what I meant Tom, and you know it.”

His brows furrow, eyes darkening with anger. You wanted to straighten them out with your fingers, lightly gliding over the uncontrollable hairs and press a feathery light kiss in the space between them. Something you usually did when he was tense or frustrated.

“Please, enlighten me then.”

“Fly across the other side of the world to do what?! Sit in silence in a room with you as you read over scripts with Harry. Sit alone in a room whilst you meet the cast and team, stay away so you can go for your lush dinners and lunches. And then fly out when things get underway, that’s unless I want to sit in your trailer day in and day out. I love you Tom and I support you and I think you’re brilliant - I always will think that. But being your hidden girlfriend is exhausting and lonely, and I don’t know if I can do it!”

You’ve never been this vulnerable with Tom before. You’d never let on before how hard it could be sometimes being his girlfriend, how utterly alone you felt. How much of a stranger you felt in regards to Tom and parts of his life.

“Then don’t! If you hate it so much, then don’t be my girlfriend then. Problem solved!”

You gasp slightly, standing completely rigid. Heart pounding in your ears, heat rising through your entire body. You can feel the moisture building behind your eyes, trying so hard to keep it at bay.

“Fine. Wow. Easy fix for the golden boy, got it.”

And with that you turn on your heel and head straight into the bedroom. Door slamming behind you.

Tom throws his beer bottle at the opposite wall. Hands going straight up to his face as he let out a cry of frustration. Glass shards littering the floor.

“Fuck!”

////

“I’m so sorry for saying what I said. It didn’t come out right and I don’t know, I think I was just being dramatic and anno-“

Tom cuts you off with a shake of his head, resting one hand on your leg.

“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that. My response was completely irrational, but you...you were honest and hurt and valid. Do not deny your emotions to make me feel better, that’s not going to fix this. You know I love you, you said it yourself, but you don’t feel loved - and that’s on me.”

You bite the inside of your lip, looking down into your swirling cup. Your heart was beating so fast, it was making you feel almost dizzy. 

“I feel pathetic, please let’s just forget it happened Tom.”

Tom takes the cup out of your hand, planting it on the coffee table in front of the couch. He pulls your legs that little bit closer, your body moving forward, closing the gap between you both.

“I can’t forget it. I’ve been playing it on repeat all night. Please just be honest with me. I want to listen. I want to understand.”

You exhale a shaky sigh,

“Sometimes it’s just so much harder than I ever thought it would be, Tom. I love how much you adore your job, you inspire me every single day as I watch you inspire millions of people. but sometimes I feel like an outsider looking in on your life. Instead of feeling like someone you want to share your life with, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hate that.”

He nods, his forehead creasing slightly as he takes in your words, and presses for you to continue,

“And take away all that comes with your job. On the rare days when it’s just me and you, you make me feel so alive. I feel needed and wanted and loved. So loved. But it’s not enough for me to have a few gulps of that feeling. God, it sounds so selfish. I hear it from my own mouth and I sound ridiculous.”

You take a pause. wishing for your voice to straighten out. For that wobble to stop as you can see the concern on Tom’s face rising,

“Maybe there’s been a reason we’ve kept it a secret for so long, because you and I both know that the minute this gets out...everything is going to crumble beneath us, and I’m the one not going to be able to handle it.”

You let out a shaky breath, sniffling as you wipe your eyes with your sleeve.

When you didn’t start up again, Tom gave a deep sigh, before pressing ahead,

“I’ve been doing this all wrong. I thought keeping you out of things would protect you, we agreed on that being the best option. And in the beginning it was. The sneaking around, the constant phone calls, video calls, surprise visits - we did it all.”

You nod in agreement. Your heart sinking. Even though you’d brought it on yourself, letting your insecurities and loneliness take over - you still weren’t ready for the inevitable goodbye that was coming your way.

“But we’ve grown individually, and our relationship has grown. And yeah, there’s a part of me who still wants to keep you all to myself, I know what press and fans can be like. But you’re right.”

You look up at him through wet eyelashes. He catches a tear with his thumb, wiping it away from your cheek,

“I’m not losing you to my own fear. And you’re not losing me to yours.”

“Wait, what?” you whisper, confused.

“You need to talk to me. You need to tell me when I’m not pulling my weight in this relationship, when you’re feeling low like this. Sometimes I do get stuck in my own world a little...and you’re the one suffering for it.”

“So. You do still want me as your girlfriend?” More traitorous tears fall from your eyes, your body relaxing and therefore no longer willing to keep them at bay.

“Oh my god I can’t believe I said that. Of course, I do! There’s no still wanting about it, I’ve always wanted you. Never questioned it for a second. The real question is, do you want to make this public? I want this to be your choice. It’s going to be crazy, but I promise you, I’ll be beside you every single step of the way. I won’t make you feel like you’re on your own again, I promise. Or, if you feel like it’s too much…then we figure something else out.”

He cups the side of your face, thumb still trailing after the tear tracks.

“I’m just scared that it’ll break us, Tom. But we can’t keep going as we are.”  

He nods in understanding,

“I won’t let it break us. You have me, all of me, for however long you want.”

You pushed your forehead against his shoulder, his hands coming up to cradle the back of your head as you curl into him.

He can feel your body quivering against him as you finally let yourself feel all the emotions you’d gone through in the past 12 hours, feelings you’d been hiding for far longer than that.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise. I think we needed this. Now we can be better, work harder on loving each other properly. Communicate.”

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” You whisper into his chest, “I thought I’d ruined everything.”

He squeezes his eyes clothes. pressing his lips to the top of your head, releasing soft kisses in between every couple of words,

“No, you’ve not ruined anything. All you’ve done is remind me how much I truly love you. And every day I promise I’m going to show you just how much.”

[nxrthmizu]

love in bubble wraps.

fandom | haikyuu!!

pairing | kuroo tetsurou x reader

genre | fluff

w.c | 1.9k

author's note | based on a real life experience... :)

Love, you think, comes in many forms. Sometimes love is a warm, home-cooked meal that is now cooked at least once a week because you told your mother you liked it. Other times, love is laughing and crying alongside the friends you’ve known since pre-school because everyone passed their highschool finals with flying colours. Throughout our lives, we gradually come to meet the different forms of love, because it comes in all shapes, colours, and sizes.

First, we learn that love is a roof that you can always turn to when a storm blows in. Then, we learn that love is knowing that there are people who will drop everything to help you when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Lastly, we learn to interlock our fingers with the one we wish to walk to the end of time with.

Then again, love varies from person to person— Just like how the goddess of love, Aphrodite, looks different to every soul that sets its sights on her; Beauty truly lies in the eye of the beholder. For some, love comes in the form of a warm body to cuddle next to on a rainy day. For others, love comes in the form of a jewelled ring. For you, love comes in the form of a 6’2 man who still doesn’t know how to tame his bedhead.

Tetsurou is often too busy for his own good, always running around here and there to secure contracts, ensuring that Japan can make a name for itself during the Olympics. He books train tickets to opposite ends of Japan at least once a month, leaving before the sun rises and returning after it sets. The sun never dictates his work day, because while his coworkers work from nine to five, Tetsurou works until he finishes his tasks.

Okay, so your husband is a bit of a workaholic. And maybe not just a bit.

“L/N-san,” Your colleague asks one day out of sheer curiosity. A group of women are gathered around the snack station, sipping on cheap, machine-produced instant coffee as they gossip about their marital lives instead of working. “Now that I think about it… I’ve never met your husband, have I?”

“Ah,” You sweat-drop nervously at this. Wonderful— Your parents are already pressuring you about how Kuroo rarely visits with you— And now your coworkers, too? “He’s quite busy. He works very hard to make sure that we’ll be well-off in the future.” You respond, knowing that your reply is just a thinly-veiled way of saying ‘He’s rarely home,’.

“Oh, that’s awful,” Wherever you go, there’s always a middle-aged lady who has nothing better to do than to prey on the weak spots of your life, “It must feel lonely. You must feel so sad when you see my husband pick me up from work.” A smirk dances up her lips as she waits for you to walk into her trap, smiling as widely as a spider watching its incoming meal.

“Not really,” A practiced smile counters hers as you take a sip of your coffee. “I know Tetsurou loves me— There’s an unbreakable trust between us. He might not be home often, but I know that he’s working hard so that we can have a better tomorrow… And that’s sort of comforting, in a sense. Knowing that Tetsurou wishes for a future where we’re financially stable, where we can just spend a whole day doing nothing in each other’s presence…”

A chorus of ‘awws’ makes you blush. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the middle-aged coworker huff in failure. You mentally fist-pump the air at your victory.

“Anyway, I heard that you got engaged last weekend, Shiho-san,” Changing the topic quickly, you smile when the attention of all the ladies instantly redirects to the said woman, who blushes fiercely as they all coo at her ring. “Congratulations!”

“Oh my! He bought you such a beautiful ring… Ah, Shiho-san, you’re so lucky!”

“My husband also bought me a new bag last week,” The middle-aged woman chips in proudly, cocking her head towards her cubicle, where the leather handbag sits atop a tower of documents. “It’s very expensive.”

“That’s nice of him! It’s been forever since my husband bought me something.” Sighs another lady. Most of the group hums in agreement, sharing sympathetic looks with those that share the same fate.

“At the beginning, when we were still dating, Hayato used to buy me so many things, now…” The coworker that brings homemade cookies every New Years’ party says, looking dejected. “It’s like once we’re married, they don’t have to worry about making us happy anymore…”

“Ah, what about you, L/N-san? Does your husband buy you things often?”

You groan internally when the attention shifts to you once more. Honestly, you’re just there to listen and enjoy your coffee— Must you keep getting dragged into the conversation? “Well, personally I don’t really need my husband to buy me things to keep me happy, but… He does bring back trinkets whenever he travels.” You think about it for a while, then brighten when you remember the latest thing Tetsurou brought back for you.

“What is it?” Your change in expression isn’t missed by your coworkers, who preen with curiosity, excited to know what made you brighten up.

“Ah, it’s nothing… I promise, you’ll be disappointed if I tell you.” You chuckle.

“Come on!” “Be a good sport, L/N-san!” “We’re curious now, you can’t not tell us!”

“Oh, fine.” You sigh, “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

[ Three days ago, Saturday ]

You were on the couch, binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy with the Netflix subscription Tetsurou got for you to occupy yourself with while he was out of town. Your cat, Kazume (nicknamed after your husband’s best friend) lazed on your lap, yawning once in a while and swatting at the stray threads from your sweater.

Somewhere in between your fifteenth and seventeenth episode, the front door chirped with the sound of someone inserting a key into the lock. You perked up at the noise, Kazume yelping in protest as he almost slipped off.

“Oh, sorry Kazu.” You said quickly, a smile widening your lips as the front door opened.

“I’m ho—” Before your husband could finish his sentence, you were already at his side. Kazume meowed loudly from the couch, complaining about you abandoning him for another man. Tetsurou’s eyes softened, the edges of his hazel irises worn down by exhaustion. You took his laptop bag from him, as well as the folders he has in hand, balancing them like how you would balance your three grocery bags when Tetsurou wasn’t around to help. “I missed you too, but are you sure you can carry all of my files with one hand?”

“Yes!” You replied confidently, showcasing your balance as you wobbled through the living room with all of your husband’s stuff. Tetsurou’s laugh echoed through the apartment as he followed you, his reflexes coming into play as he dived for a falling file. “Oops.” You giggled, helping him up after he practically hurled himself at the floor.

Tetsurou shook his head, sighing fondly while he hugged you from the back, taking comfort in the familiar smell of your hair shampoo. “I missed you.” He mumbled.

“Me too.” You hummed, reaching back to stroke your hands through his still-untamed bedhead.

“Oh, before I forget,” Tetsurou leapt up suddenly, chucking his backpack onto the ground. “I brought back something for you!”

“I already have like, twenty-five keychains from Hyogo,” You reminded him, “Please tell me it’s not a…” Your voice trailed off when Tetsurou proudly whipped his gift from his backpack, hazel eyes shining for your reaction.

“... So?” Tetsurou grinned widely, like a five-year-old child holding up his drawing for his mother to critique.

“Oh my god, I love you.” You declared in your 80 sq ft kitchen, grabbing the gift from him. “I’ll clean up your stuff, go take a bath and we can have dinner while watching the…'' You pursed your lips as you try to recall the information that kept evading you like an annoying fly. “... 15th? 16th episode of Grey’s.”

“You started that without me? I said I wanted to watch that.” Tetsurou pouted petulantly like a child.

“I finished all the other stuff I wanted to watch,” You told him unapologetically. “And Kazume wanted to watch it too. Now hurry and take a bath or I’m starting without you.”

Twenty minutes later, you were cuddled up to your husband, who did not bother to comb his hair (“It’ll just be messy later anyway,” His reasoning was). Every few seconds, he would scoop some cold mash potato out of the giant bowl (The two of you were too impatient to heat it with the microwave) and feed you. All throughout the episode, there was the constant pop-pop-pop of you working your way through the giant piece of bubble wrap Tetsurou had brought home for you.

“You know, I was thinking,” You hummed as Tetsurou pressed ‘Next Episode’. “If It were any other woman, they might have slapped you for bringing just bubble wrap home after a whole week away.”

“Well, then I’m lucky that you aren’t ‘any other woman’, am I?” Your husband smiled, pressing a gentle kiss onto your lips before picking up the mash potato bowl again. “Are we just going to have mashed potatoes for dinner?”

“I bought spicy instant noodles yesterday, we can have that later if you want.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

[ Present, Tuesday ]

“That’s actually so sweet of him!” Your colleague coos as you finish your story. “Wish I had a husband like that…'' Even the middle-aged lady begrudgingly nods in agreement. For a moment, you feel a surge of pride— It was your husband they were talking about— Your sweet, hardworking, dork of a 6’2 bedhead.

“You wouldn’t be able to survive.” Another lady snorts. “That guy is away for weeks at a time.”

You hum. “Well, at least he calls back every night, regardless of how tired he is.” In the corner of your mind, you remember that he makes sure to call his grandmother every weekend, and that he sends his parents (and grandparents) money every month, that he visits your parents the first Sunday after he’s back from his trips— Not to mention that he always brings a gift of wellness products (The most recent one was a box of abalone).

The group of women swoon once more.

“Well, I guess we should get back to work,” You dispose of your paper cup in the trash, brushing your hands off. “See you ladies later.”

The moment you’re back at your desk, you take out your phone to text your husband, who is, no doubt, going to be very, very confused.

[ y/n ] 2.37pm

— we have a problem

[ tetsu <3 ] 2.39pm

— what’s wrong???

[ y/n ] 2.38pm

— i may have accidentally caused 20 women in my office to fall in love with you

[ tetsu <3 ] 2.38pm

— what ???

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

you know it's love when your dad comes home with this giant piece of bubble wrap and your mom literally squeals and snatches it to immediately start popping it on the couch while browsing facebook on her ipad

[taleofharrison]

Valentine

Summary: Calum doesn't hate Valentine's day anymore...or maybe he still does

Warnings: a really vague implied smut at the end

Requested: nope 

Word Count: 1082

A/N: For this year I will choose 4 different holidays and post an imagine, blurb or something with a different guy so the first one is today and Calum so enjoy.

MASTERLIST HERE

It was of public knowledge Calum hated valentine’s day he didn’t see the point of this date when couples already made a fuss of their anniversary and if you love someone so much why do you have to wait until one day in the calendar to show your love for that significant other? Why only one date?

He didn’t like the pink and red hearts decorating every house in the neighborhood and every single place he had to go it was jus annoying a constant reminder of the most stupid holiday ever. Sometimes people would say that those were the words coming from his single ass, but Calum was sure that even if he had a partner to spend the holiday with, he would still think the same.

Little did he know that the girl who turned his world upside down would be making him anxious and nervous since it was their first Valentine’s day together somehow all the things he had said about the holiday were long forgotten at least by him because his bandmates were having a good time teasing him about how his views over this holiday had completely changed.

“I just don’t know what to do” he groaned again taking a seat next to Ashton who just chuckled at his friend’s exasperation.

Luke had excused himself to attend a call that had to do with his plans for Sierra, Michael had already ordered a roses bouquet and reserved a restaurant for him and Crystal, and Ashton had everything ready for a Valentine’s day in his house with Kay Kay just enjoying each other’s company and had a couple of gifts ready too. Everyone seemed to have the perfect plan but him and it was driving him nuts.

“Didn’t you say this was stupid?” Michael teased.

“That was before he met Y/N” Ashton continued the teasing “she has turned our Calum into a hopeless romantic.”

“Shut up” he mumbled “Just help me please.”

“Well, I don’t think there’s a single restaurant in the city that’s not full of reservations by now” Luke said entering the room putting his phone back in his pocket.

“So, the fancy restaurant is out of the question then” Calum groaned.

“Why are you so stressed about this? Luke questioned “you hate this day.”

“I just- it’s our first valentine’s day” he sighed “I don’t want her to think that I don’t care about small details.”

“Well, you’re not late to order some flowers” Michael offered advice.

“You said so yourself it’s your first Valentine’s together” Ashton tried to calm him “I’m sure she won’t mind a simple day together.”

When Valentine’s day arrived, you weren’t expecting anything you knew Calum didn’t like this day and you were fine with that you were never a fan of big gifts and over the top romantic gestures, so you were fine with just spending the afternoon at Calum’s place with Duke and maybe stay in at his place too.

It was Sunday so you didn’t have to go to work that day, you were expecting a chill day that until the knocking on the door interrupted your breakfast, you thought it might be Calum since the guys had to have this day for themselves and significant others studio work had been postponed until Tuesday.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” the delivery guy asked with a big bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“Yeah” you replied.

“This as for you” he handed them to you “have a nice day.”

As you closed the door you read the note that came with them.

<< Didn’t want my favorite flower to spend this day without a gift.

Meet me at my house later today.

- Calum >>

It was weird, you loved the detail, but weird. When you went public with your relationship fans kept tagging you on memes and stuff about Calum hating Valentine’s day you didn’t mind them in fact you found them funny hence the reason why you didn’t expect anything for today. You decided to call Calum.

“Y/N baby” Calum greeted when he picked up the phone “did you get the flowers?”

“Yeah I did” you replied “Cal I wasn’t-“

“Just come to place later around 3 would be good” he interrupted you “we can have lunch, time for us today and then dinner. You can even crash at my place.”

“I have work tomorrow” you laughed maybe after all a quiet simple valentine was expecting you.

“Then bring in clothes for tomorrow I don’t care” he answered. “I just wanna spend the day with you.”

“Ok see you later. Don’t miss me too much” you giggled before hanging up the phone.

Your day went on as a normal Sunday not really doing anything exciting or beyond ordinary you just had to wait until it was to meet your boyfriend later that day.

-

“Y/N/N” Calum exclaimed when he opened the door “I cooked your favorite and later we can have dinner in the backyard.”

“Okay” you said as you greeted Duke who was so happy to see you.

“Wait why dinner there?” you questioned once you processed his words.

“I decorated it there as a small cinema just us we’ll be watching your favorite movies” he explained “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“I thought we weren’t doing anything special today.”

“Well, any moment with you is special” Calum smiled hugging you.

“Alright what’s going on?” you finally faced him “you’ve been acting weird lately.”

“Nothing is-“ he tried but the look you gave him made him sigh in defeat “fine what’s wrong is this stupid day.”

“The guys had great dates and stuff prepared for today and I felt pressured now that I have you” he continued “I don’t want you to think I don’t care about this kind of special moments.”

“Calum, you have proved you care about small things constantly” you assured him.

“Really?”

“Yeah” you nodded “you remember my coffee order and surprise me at work with it, you call me every night just to listen to my voice honestly Calum you have proved me you are a great guy more than enough times I love you so much.”

“I love you too” he said closing his eyes “sorry if I let all of this get to me.”

“Is okay” you told him “now we are going to enjoy whatever you have ready for today” you said holding his hand “and then we can fine a more fun way to spend Valentine’s together.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

[birdiefw]

PETER PARKER | NIGHT CALLS

Summary: Your boyfriend accidentally calls you and you overhear his conversation with a certain Avenger.

Warnings: None (maybe fluff?).

Word Count: 1,254

A/N: Helloooo! So, this is a gender-neutral reader imagine I wrote a long time ago, and I can’t seem to find the original one I posted on here, and since I’m trying to get back into writing imagines, I decided to just repost it (with a few edits!) I’m also aware I’m really behind on requests (for OBX), but I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get to them soon!

It was 11:56 P.M. when you finally finished your homework. You’d spent most of the day trying to do the last of your assignments as you’d brushed them off for the last week until it was the day before they were all due. You would’ve finished sooner, too, but you constantly kept checking your phone to see if your best friend and boyfriend, Peter Parker, had texted you.

You were meant to spend that Sunday working on your homework together, but he’d flaked on you. Again.

You already texted him a few times to see where he was or if something had come up, but he didn’t answer. You decided against texting May, not wanting her to worry about Peter. You figured he was probably with her, but there was still a small part of you that couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he was ignoring you. You knew that was just yourself overthinking, and so you just shook your head at the thought, choosing to ignore it.

You and Peter had only been dating for a short while—two months to be exact—but you and Peter had been friends since pre school. There wasn’t a part of your life that you didn’t remember Peter being involved with, his family having been close to yours years before either of you were born. He got along with your family well; sometimes even better than you did. His aunt and uncle absolutely adored you, often asking you to have dinner with them at least once a week to catch up. Your parents did the same with Peter, your father always laughing with the boy or talking about their shared admiration for Spider-Man while your mother just gushed over him and told him how grateful she was that you had him in your life.

So, it was safe to say that you were both already loved by each other’s families long before you two became a couple, but sadly, not everyone was able to enjoy it as Ben wasn’t killed that long after.

You, and everyone else, were completely shocked and grief stricken with the news. Ben had always been there for you, assuring you in times of trouble or helping you out when your family couldn’t. He was like an uncle to you in some ways, and you loved him. So, it hit you hard when he died. Of course, you knew the pain was especially worse for May and Peter, the two only having each other left now. But you and your family made sure to let them know you were there for them, continuing to invite them over for dinner, out to eat, or just hang out at one another’s homes.

Peter was thankful, especially for all of your constant efforts you put in to check on him, comfort him, and just overall being there for him. He loved you, and that much he knew. He hadn’t said it yet, knowing you hadn’t been dating long despite knowing each other forever, but unbeknownst to him, you loved him too.

A faint sigh left your lips when you saw you still had no call or text from Peter, your phone shining bright as if making sure there wasn’t anything from your boyfriend. You gnawed on your bottom lip, wondering if you should call him, but opted out of it.

He was probably busy.

As you stood to begin putting your homework back in your book bag so you wouldn’t forget it, you heard your phone ring. You quickly set your bag down by the door and rushed to your desk, a small smile appearing on your lips when you saw Peters name and face pop up. You instantly sat down and answered it, your mouth already moving.

“Hey, Pete!” You greeted, “I was wondering—” Suddenly, you stopped talking when you didn’t hear him. You frowned, glancing at your phone to make sure it had actually said his name. It did. Questionably, you put your phone back to your ear, brows furrowed together. “Uh, Peter? Is everything okay? I don’t know—”

“—love her/him/them?”

Your mouth clamped shut, eyes widening slightly. You knew that voice—you’d heard it almost all your life on the news or talk shows.

It was Tony Stark, or Iron Man, depending on what type of suit he was wearing at the moment.

You knew of Peter’s internship with the Avenger, but Peter always brushed the topic off when you tried to ask him about it, claiming he didn’t actually get to meet with Tony as much as some people thought. Peter wanted to keep you safe, and so he didn’t tell you that he was Spider-Man.

It was safer that way.

However, becoming intrigued after hearing Tony Stark’s voice, you couldn’t bring yourself to hang up.

“Y-Yeah. I think I do.”

That was definitely Peter. You could tell in a second.

But, what was he doing talking to Tony Stark? And so late into the night?

“But. . .I don’t know. . .we’ve only been dating for two months.”

You lightly gasped, covering your mouth with your hand in shock. Peter Parker. . .was in love with you?

“But you’ve been friends for. . .” Tony’s voice dragged off.

“Forever,” you heard Peter lightly laugh, your smile growing just by hearing the sound.

There was a moment of silence, and you wondered if they could hear you breathing on the other end of Peter’s phone.

“Really? Hm,” Tony suddenly playfully hummed, “Well, then I think it’s obvious what you should do.”

“What’s that?” Peter asked.

“You should tell Y/N,” Tony concluded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Your heart lept in your chest, a wide grin making its way on your face and you made no effort to stop it. You couldn’t help it. You were feeling over the moon with joy, excitement, and most of all: love.

Peter Parker loved you!

“I should tell her/him/them I love her/him/them?” Peter asked. He breathed out, probably accepting that he was going to tell you he loved you, not aware that he’d basically already done it. You didn’t hear a response come from Tony, but you figured he did something that told Peter yes again. Peter let out a shaky breath, clearing his throat. “O-Okay. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna tell Y/N I love her/him/them.”

“You already have.”

Your eyebrows shot up at the sound of a female voice speaking to your boyfriend. It sounded more robotic than an actual voice, but still, you didn’t dare say a thing.

You heard sudden movement, but then you felt your heart stop when you heard breathing close to the phone.

You’d been caught.

“Y-Y/N?” Peter asked.

You nervously gulped, unsure if you actually wanted to let him know you were there and heard almost everything. But there was no way out of it. “Hey, Pete,” you said softly.

“Did you just. . .did you hear—”

“I love you too,” you said, unable to hold it back. You were certain you loved him. You felt like weights were being lifted off your shoulders after you confessed your feelings, and you didn’t regret it for one second. Peter loved you, and that was all you needed to assure you of your own feelings.

You heard a laugh slip from Peter’s lips, the boy relieved—and slightly embarrassed—you had heard him. “That’s. . .that’s good. I really do love you, Y/N.”

And I really love you too, Peter.”

———

Please feel free to message/ask me some requests! I have a pinned masterlist on my profile to see which fandoms I’ll write for!

[babyflossy]

eccedentesiast (n)

eccedentesiast (n)  someone who hides pain behind a smile

pairing; bodyguard!haechan x reader

summary; haechan is nothing more than someone employed to keep you safe. at least, that’s what you keep telling yourself. but why is it so hard to just see him as that?

genre/warnings; bodyguard au, angst (?), fluff, violence, a poisoning, half-edited, also i'm sorry that hyunjin is always my go to for another male lead lmao my skz bias is showing

word count; 7k baby

a/n; after nearly 3 months of writer’s block, i humbly offer you body guard haechan. i’m sorry if it sucks, i’m kinda rusty to get back into writing. any feedback is greatly appreciated!

it’s sunny outside, the golden morning rays of sunlight filtering through the blinds and onto your face. they warm the skin they manage to reach and you bask in the calmness, wrapped in soft bedsheets and silk bedclothes. if you squint into the light you can see the dust particles float around the beams, slowly swimming through around the window frame. the first noise you hear is a bird singing softly outside and a thought in the back of your mind reminds you it’s almost too peaceful. there must be a meeting going on downstairs, one you’re not trusted to appear at.

a knock on your door brings you back to reality and a sigh claws its way up your throat. your father’s personal assistant, sasha, pokes her head around the door and smiles slightly at your bed hair and the mismatched socks poking out the bottom of your duvet. “your father wants you downstairs in five minutes.”

“and what if i don’t?” in an attempt at appearing nonchalant you fix your gaze on the dying plant on your windowsill, refusing to meet her eyes.

“there’s someone you need to meet,” sasha says, piquing your interest and you give up on trying to defy your father’s wishes in favour of your curiosity. “so be down in five minutes, okay?”

the door clicks shut quietly and you check the time on your phone. 10:49am.

finally letting your sigh out and pushing your covers off your cold body, you reach for the first garment of clothing you spot. it’s a purple hoodie you stole from one of your exes and you pull it over your head with a strange sense on loneliness. how long had it been since you had contacted your college friends?

right before you leave the safe confines of your bedroom, a voice floats from the kitchen, one you don’t recognise. it strikes another wave of curiosity through you, this time accompanied by something akin to excitement. the hardwood floors of the hallway are slippery under your socks and you hurry down the stairs to the source of your interest.

whoever you had been expecting, none of them come close to the boy stood next to your dining table. a warm mop of hair sits on top of high cheekbones and tanned skin. the air leaves your lungs momentarily when his eyes meet yours, dark and calculating. you expect him to offer you a polite smile as most of your father’s business partners do, but his face remains in a stern mask. in would be unsettling if you had met in any other circumstances, you’re sure.

“y/n,” the voice of your father forces you to switch your gaze to him and you shoot him a questioning look. it holds no warmth, only looking for answers. “this is haechan,” the boy nods slightly in your direction at the mention of his name, “he’s your new bodyguard.”

you can’t help but let your eyebrows raise comically. that was probably the last thing you were expecting this morning. sure, there had been bodyguards in your past, but none of them stayed very long and you thought your parents had given up on finding one. “bodyguard?” there’s almost a mocking tone to your words and you like the way it makes your father sigh. “i thought you gave up after the last one.”

in the corner of your eyes, you see haechan’s brows quirk the slightest amount in what you think could be amusement. clearly, he has a lot to learn if he thinks he’ll last long.

“there’ve been some rather,” haechan focuses on your dad again as he starts speaking and your glad for the break from his eye contact. “unpleasant things being said about our family at the moment, and we think it’s best to keep an eye on you. so don’t do anything stupid.”

ah, you think, so that’s what he’s doing. this isn’t just to keep you safe, this is a way for your parents to monitor what you do and who you see, a glorified babysitter. that fact doesn’t sit well with you and you make a mental promise to make this as hard as possible for your new caretaker.

with a spark in your eyes you nod at your father and muster up the sweetest smile you can. “of course, father. anything for you.” the change in your voice doesn’t go unnoticed and he sends you a challenging glare which you choose to ignore, instead opting to smile at the taller boy and escape back up to your bedroom.

*

for the rest of the morning, haechan stands guard outside your bedroom door. as you had fled the thick atmosphere in the kitchen he'd followed behind with quick steps and he wasn't happy at being banished to the hallway. you weren't entirely sure what danger he thought would be lurking around your house at midday on a sunday, but he was on edge regardless.

finally free once again from the eyes of your steadily increasing number of babysitters, you let yourself fall onto your bed.

your own father doesn't trust you enough to live your life without the constant supervision of someone he decides is more credible than you. it hurts. it always does whenever he fails to conceal the way his job is more important than you are to him, his own daughter.

it hurts but you can't let it show. there's something powerful about appearing indifferent to things that are supposed to affect you, but maybe that's just founded on years of your parents missing important milestones. your first dance recital, your first win at a science fair, the first day of high school, the moment you found out about your college scholarship. none of it mattered to them, because nothing you ever did matters to them.

maybe this was an opportunity. an opportunity to get them to care about something more than their questionable business deals.

with a new mindset, you pull yourself away from the plush sheets and change into something other than a hoodie and fluffy socks.

"where are we going?" it's technically the first time you've actually heard haechan say anything to you, and his voice is surprisingly smooth. it's honey-like and velvety and way too appealing to listen to.

"shopping." it's stupid, but as you pass him you can't help but try and speed up, pathetically trying to outwalk him on your way to the garage. there's the distinctive sound of a hushed laugh behind you and the sound catches you off guard for a second. why do you like it so much?

a personal chauffeur drives you and haechan sat in the front seat leaving you alone in the back. the air is still and the silence is almost painful. you type away on your phone just to distract yourself from the fact you don't think you've ever been this quiet for this long before. haechan doesn't seem to notice the awkward tension in the car, however, and busies himself glaring at every car that passes.

for a sunday, the mall is busy and you find yourself stealthily dodging people who get in your way. haechan draws some stares as he follows close behind you, must less scared about bumping into people than you are. it's understandable– the all black get-up he's wearing makes him look a lot more menacing than he did in your family kitchen. along with his height and his inability to break eye contact first, it's quite a scary mix.

after a few minutes of walking in silence, you decide to at least try and make conversation. the one sentence he's said to you doesn't seem like enough for people set to spend all day every day together.

"how long have you been doing this?" the attempt is weak, but haechan seems surprised you've said anything to him. the focus of his stare switches to you and you suddenly feel small under it.

"long enough." before you can ask anything else, the surroundings have once again captured his attention and anything you say is drowned out by the indecipherable chatter around you. the scrutiny he puts everything around him under just from his gaze is admirable, and for a bodyguard, he certainly does tick all the boxes.

you're barely able to contain your sigh as you decide to take a different approach to gain his attention.

the first few shops you drag him into are innocent trips to buy clothes; there's a party you've been invited to in a few months and you have yet to find a suitable outfit. every attempt you make is ignored skillfully, every dress, skirt and pair of short shorts you hold up he pays no attention to.

when you've finally had enough, you spot a lingerie store with a wicked sense of delight.

"you can wait outside for this one," you tease with a smirk and an airy wave. at first, you're sure he's about to protest until he sees what shop you're leading him into and complies, stopping by the entrance to the store. as if to rub it in more, you taunt him once more. "unless you're curious what i wear underneath my clothes?" as you turn to head inside, you swear you see the faintest taint of pink over his tanned cheeks.

*

over the next few weeks, haechan seems to understand why none of your previous bodyguards have lasted long. it's also clear to him you'll do almost anything just to piss off your father, anything to get a reaction from him. in a way he feels sorry for you, having to go to such extremes for attention only to be shouted at by the one person who should care about you the most.

haechan has also learned to not mention your mother at all in any conversation where she's not present, as it without fail turns whatever mood you're in into a worse one. that's a whole other issue he doesn't want to rush into, however, and usually lets you do whatever you want.

after the first week, you'd finally started warming up to the idea of having him around you all the time. as much as you hated to admit, it was quite nice to have someone around whose primary role was to care about you.

it had been a long day, and it vaguely concerns haechan when you rush into your bedroom faster than usual, letting the door slam shut with a bang.

he doesn't hear anything else from you until after night has fallen and crying seeps into the hallway.

on instinct, it fills him with an anxious sort of unease and he knocks on your door. in the silence of the hallway, it's clear you're surprised to be disturbed as you stop sniffling for a second before opening the door slightly.

"are you okay?" you hear something in his voice that you haven't before; concern. every time haechan's shown worry or apprehension so far it's been in response to your surroundings, to the people around you. hearing such blatant worry for nothing other than your mental wellbeing only makes the tears fall faster and he doesn't know what to do.

all of his previous clients have been strictly physical protection, nothing similar to the struggles that are currently troubling you. with no clue what else to do, he slips in through the small crack in your door and envelopes his arms around you. the action is unexpected and you tense in surprise before melting into his embrace.

after a few minutes stood by the door, you let him pull you back to your bed, sitting against the headboard so you can rest your head in his lap. his fingers scrape gently through over your scalp and you can feel yourself being pulled into sleep.

a nagging thought in the back of your mind reminds you this is haechan, your bodyguard. nothing more, nothing less, just someone your father employed to keep you safe. in your fragile mental state, you decide to let yourself ignore that one night and let someone care for you.

in the morning, neither of mention the events that transpired the night before. you'd woken up to an empty bed, something you were eternally grateful for as you don't think you handle seeing him again so soon. the morning seems to drag on and you take your time getting ready as a distraction.

haechan had seen you in your most vulnerable state, and even though you hadn't told him the reason for your breakdown, you were sure he could probably guess. it seemed every day you and your father would fight about more insignificant things. it pained him to watch, but it wasn't his place to say anything.

when you finally emerge from your bedroom, haechan meets your eyes and offers you a fleeting smile before his features settle into their familiar glare.

life goes on, you suppose.

*

a rare type of excitement pumps through you as you stare at haechan through the mirror of your dressing table. recently he'd been spending more time sat in your bedroom than stood outside it. it was a nice change, and you felt less alone when you sit to do homework into the early hours of the morning.

currently, he flips through a book he'd picked off your desk and he frowns at it in confusion. "you understand this?" he mumbles as he stares at the words on the page.

with a laugh, you realise he's reading your intro to classical mechanics textbook and stand to take it from his hands. "that's up for debate."

he watches you push yourself onto your tiptoes to put it back on the top shelf and averts his gaze when the dress you're wearing rides up your thighs. it was ridiculous how you'd convinced him to take you to this stupid college party he was sure wouldn't end well, but here is he. "are you nearly ready? you said it starts at eight?"

you choke down another laugh as you stare at the clock, "haechan," you start with a smirk, "i have to be fashionably late. it's part of my brand."

"your what?"

"my brand," at his still confused expression, you turn back around from the mirror to face him again, "i have an image to keep up."

"whatever you say, princess." the new name catches you off guard and you feel your stomach flip. careful to keep your expression neutral, you stand and grab your bag, suddenly wanting to be anywhere other than a confined space with haechan.

a party, as it turns out, is exactly what you need.

the moment your feet cross over the doorframe, you can feel your worries slip away, replaced by the hum of the music. quickly, you spot some of your friends from college and make your way over, a cup already being handed to you. a few people stare as you walk in, something you're used to, but today they stare for longer than usual and it takes a moment to realise they're staring at haechan.

as always, he's dressed in all black, only he's swapped his combat boots and tactical jacket for black sneakers and hoodie. for a college party, he looks too well dressed, but it's appreciated by many as he walks through the room.

it's clear to you he's unused to this type of attention and you grab his hand to pull him to where you and your friends stand. he shoots you a look before, as usual, starting to survey the people around.

"is this your boyfriend?" a short girl from your business class asks, you think her name is lily–or maybe laila. haechan doesn't hear and you're grateful as you shake your head and explain he's your bodyguard. she raises her eyebrows and scans his profile again. the action irks something inside you that you desperately push down. "is he single then?"

the emotion that shoots through you is so obviously jealously and yet you try and remain nonchalant, laughing it off and acting like you didn't want her to be swallowed by the ground. haechan's there for you, not for anyone else, and you want her to know that.

after flitting around the room talking to different people you know, some who you meet for the first time, you can feel the drinks start to take their toll. whoever decided a bottomless bar was a good idea for a party like this was horrendously wrong, and your head spins whilst a boy talks to you about an apprenticeship he's been offered.

"of course, i don't need the money, that's not why i'm doing it." haechan doesn't fail to conceal his surprise, eyebrows raising as he eyes you over the rim of your glass. you send back a look that you hope says he's an asshole, but in your state, you can't be sure how well you've achieved it. "i'm doing it for the experience." when it's appropriate, you nod along to what he's saying but it obvious you don't care and he leaves for someone else soon after.

"what's his problem?" haechan murmurs into your ear. you have to suppress a shiver at the proximity and shrug as you don't trust your voice.

"hyunjin, hey!" you shout when you spot a familiar face in the see of people, shooting through throngs of people to the tall boy. somewhere along the way to the bar, haechan loses sight of you, craning his neck to try and find the direction you escaped to.

hyunjin’s smile is wide and you fail to notice the pleased sweep of his eyes over your exposed chest. as you speak, he slowly moves closer to you, his breath hitting your neck and making you squirm. suddenly the music seems louder, he seems closer and you try to escape his grip when his hands settle on your waist.

you try to move away but you feel your head spin harshly and you have to catch the edge of the bar to stop yourself falling into him.

"you drunk enough." a familiar hand reaches to snatch the martini out of your hand, a frown taking over his soft features.

despite the displeasure on his face, you’re grateful to see him. he recognises the relief in the  sigh you let out, and eyes  you with concern. just as he’s about to ask you what’s wrong, hyunjin turns back around from the bartender and seems shocks to see haechan so close to you. he clearly doesn’t realise the man beside you is your bodyguard and shoots him a glare. “we were just heading out, actually.” hyunjin grabs hold of your wrist and tugs you towards him and you can’t help but yelp at the sudden movement.

“get your hands off her,” haechan’s voice is stony and almost unrecognisable. you chance a glance to his face and you feel a lick of fear at the cold glare on his face. if you thought he looked intimidating staring at strangers, this overpowers it tenfold. something dangerous shines behind his eyes and he encases hyunjin’s wrist in his hand, tightening his hold until he lets go of you.

“hey, what’s your problem?” hyunjin’s voice is cocky and you pray he shuts up before he digs a deeper whole for himself. “she wants to come home with me.”

“you think she’s in any state to go home with you, huh?” at the words, hyunjin seems to realise what he’s said and tries to backtrack, failing miserably. “leave her alone, yeah? before i throw you out of here.”

*

it's silent as haechan helps you back to the car, his jaw set in a hard line. you want to say something to ease the tension but you don't want to upset him. it's not your fault, but the cold look on his face is engrained behind you eyelids and you feel a wave of fear flush through you. you shouldn't be scared of him, but he looked so ready to kill hyunjin that you can't help but feel a new sense of unease next to him.

"are you okay?" he crouches next to the passenger seat after buckling your seatbelt for you, features settling back into the warmth you're used to. no matter how hard you try to hide your expression, he can easily see the fear in your eyes and sighs, letting his head drop between his arms. "i'm sorry for scaring you," he rests a hand on your thigh that has you heart rate speeding up despite your thoughts less than five minutes ago. "but it's my job to protect you, okay?" you say nothing in response.

"can we get pizza?" the shops whiz past your eyes as haechan drives, the streetlights blurring together. he shoots you a sideways look before sighing and nodding, trying to ignore the way your victorious smile makes him feel.

"we'll get takeout, okay? you wait in the car."

you would've listened to him, you really would have, if you hadn't seen a small knife drop from his pocket and onto the pavement. if you were sober, you would've just told him when he returned to the car, but in your drunken state, that knife seemed like haechan's most prized possession.

you slip out of the car on shaky legs, noticing the empty streets with fleeting anxiety but bend down to pick the knife up. right above the hand grip a tiny l.h. is engraved and you smile slightly. just as you turn to make your way back to the car, something hard hits the back of your head and you yelp.

haechan stands in the empty pizza shop waiting for the workers to finish your order. he can still feel the remaining wisps of anger from his standoff with that boy you were talking to, but tries to ignore it for your sake. the posters on the wall catch his attention and he reads about the movies showing downtown, mentally noting the ones he knows you will eventually drag him to see.

the workers are rushing around behind the counter and he sighs, excited to get back into the warmth of the car and finally get back to the house.

the excitement drains out of him when he hears a scream. a scream that sounds identical to yours.

he's outside in a flash, eyes shooting every direction to see where the noise came from. the empty passenger seat of the car catches his eye and he swears loudly. reaching for his knife, he stills when he feels the pocket empty, instead grabbing the pistol from the inside of his jacket.

a muffled cry escapes an alley next to the shop and he sprints towards the sound, turning the corner and seeing you being pulled further into the darkness. for a fraction of a second, his eyes meet yours and the teary panic he sees is enough to have him seeing red. the man pulling you back hasn't noticed him yet and he uses this to his advantage, pulling his fist back and launching it at your attacker's face. it's masked and you're unable to see the damage, but a crack rings out.

you feel infinitely more sober than you did in the car and you try to pull yourself out of the man's arms but your head feels heavy and you sway dangerously. your eyes shut as you fall forwards, the man's arm around you stopping you from falling. the angle gives haechan the perfect shot and you scream as a bang rings out, echoing through your head painfully. the arms around you disappear and you lurch forwards until something catches you. you scream again and try and get away from whoever's holding you.

"hey, hey, it's me, it's me." haechan's voice is like music to your ears and you allow yourself to go limp in his grip, sobs starting to wrack your body. you can feel him carrying you back to the car, the pizza long forgotten. when he places you down in the passenger seat again, you don't want to let go of him and he has to pry your hands off him. "you're okay," he whispers as he holds you, rubbing a hand up and down your back soothing. "we're fine."

even if in that moment, everything feels the polar opposite of fine, something about the way he says it makes you want more than anything to believe him.

*

the walls of your bedroom muffle the voices from downstairs. haechan had carried you upstairs and settled you into your bed before whispering about a debriefing he had to attend. and now here you sit, alone and shaking, reliving the moments you had thought your life may have been over. there's still a throbbing to your head and you will your eyes to shut and for sleep to overtake you, but every time you try the memories bubble back up to the surface. it's exhausting, but you eventually come to terms with knowing you won't be able to sleep until haechan comes back.

the scariest thing is, every time you think about those last few moments before haechan turned up, you really thought you would never see him again. you thought you would never see the daylight again, and yet your thoughts weren't plagued with messages for your parents, or things you wished you had told your friends. no, the only person you thought of was haechan.

you know what that means, but you try and ignore the feeling growing in your chest, turning over and burrowing your head into your pillows.

for the next hour, you slip in and out of shallow sleep as you wait for the meeting to finish. you're somewhere between the two when you hear the door click and your bed dip beside you. haechan must've known you wouldn't be able to sleep and he sits against your headboard like the last time he was in your bed, pulling your head into his lap gently.

"how're you feeling?" the words are whispered into the air and you hate how much his voice calms you.

"my head hurts." haechan pities the pain in your voice and looks down at the awkward angle of you neck, an internal battle waging in his head.

a few long seconds later and he's slipping further into your bed, pulling you up so your head is resting in the crook of his neck. "c'mere." the position is much more comfortable, and you sigh in contentment, trying to ignore the smell of his cologne that's slowly overtaking your senses.

you bask in the silence for a few minutes, trying to fall back asleep before realising you need to tel him what's plaguing your mind. in the safety of his neck, you mumble to try and conserve the peace in the room. "y'know, i really thought i was gonna die back there–"

"stop." haechan reaches one of his arms around your shoulders and pulls you further into him. the act is so gentle, as if you're made of glass and he mumbles his words into the top of your head. "you don't need to do this."

"but i want you to know," with a sense of desperation, you pull away from his embrace to meet his eyes. they're sad, and you know you probably look like a complete wreck right now, but you can't bring yourself to care. the only thing you can focus on is how much you want him to know his importance in your life. "i didn't think of my parents. i thought of y–"

"stop, really. you'll regret doing this." but you can't imagine regretting telling him anything. you've only known him for a few months, and yet you've never held trust in someone like this before.

sick of watching him avoid your gaze, you bury your face back into his neck and smile at the shiver that rolls down his spine when you speak against his skin. "i never liked them. they never cared about anything i did. i only ever wanted to make them proud, but they wouldn't even listen to me."

haechan's in dangerous territory, and he knows it. he can't sit here and insult his employers, but he's seen the way they treat you. as if you've never done anything worthwhile, but they were never there to see your achievements. he battles his thoughts for a few moments, trying to think of the best response. "they do care for you, they just can't show it well." it's weak, even he can tell, but he needs to say something. he wants nothing more than to shelter you from them, take you away from this house and show you what it's like to have someone be proud of you, to care for you wholeheartedly. but he can't, it's stupid to even entertain that thought.

"you care more than they do," the tone you speak with is bitter, and you pull away once again to look up at him. somewhere in the deep brown of his eyes is an emotion you think is something akin to love, but you think you might be imagining it. haechan's paid to be here, you need to remember. "but then i guess you're paid to."

"hey–" this is exactly where he didn't want the conversation to go, because he can't tell you what he really thinks whilst still in the confines of your house, not where your parents could hear every word.

"i'm not wrong, though, am i? you're only here because they're paying you–"

"i would've left if i didn't care."

you sigh and let yourself fall back into his embrace. "i'm gonna pretend like i believe you, just for tonight." no more words are exchanged, but he leans down to press a delicate kiss to the exposed skin on your forehead. the act is so tender, so familiar, you feel tears line your eyes. it's stupid, to cry at being held like this, but in a desolate horizon, haechan is your beaming spark of hope.

*

another month floats by and you and haechan continue your relationship than slips so easily between professional and something more than. it leaves you confused a lot of the time, but you try and ignore it, instead deciding to focus on the present.

the present right now leaves you stood in front of a fancy restaurant, a booking for you and one of you childhood friends ready and waiting. "i'll be by the door, scream if you need me, okay?" you chuckle at the serious tone of haechan's voice before hurrying over to your table where jennie sits waiting.

the girl stands when you near her, a wide smile taking over her features as she pulls you into a hug "how have you been? i haven't seen you in years!"

over the first course of food, you catch up about each other's lives, chatting about the various things you’ve been involved in recently. after what jennie deems an appropriate amount of time, she shifts her attention to the boy stood behind you.

"is that your boyfriend." her curious eyes scan over haechan who, as promised, stands by the door, staring at his phone. the sight makes you smile as you realise he's probably playing candy crush or some other stupid game to pass the time.

"no," you chuckle, although you would love more than anything to say yes, to be able to sit and claim him as yours, and no one else's. but you can't lie to jennie, as much as you want to. "it's just haechan, my bodyguard." just haechan sounds wrong coming from your lips.

"bodyguard? your dad's still got a lot of enemies, huh?" jennie shoots you a concerned frown which you try and laugh off. out of all the friends you've ever had, jennie's the only one with a somewhat similar upbringing; moving around a lot, feeling as if your parents are absent for more than half of your childhood. you had bonded over your situations in middle school and had kept in touch even when she moved to new zealand for sixth grade.

just as she's telling you about her new job at a fashion company, you blurt out the question bothering you."does the lemonade taste weird to you?" it's metallic almost on your tongue and it catches you off guard.

"no, i think it's just a bit tangy."

"oh, yeah probably" you laugh airily, but a cold wave on unease washes through you. it's unclear what's causing your anxiety, and you're suddenly confused why you're even on edge. on instinct, you look for haechan and seeing him still leaning on the wall by the door gives you a small sense of calm.

"are you sure? you look a bit–" jennie's words are drowned out in your mind by the wheezing of your throat. it's uncomfortable, as if someone is squeezing your lungs, trapping the air out, and preventing you from taking a full breath in.

"yeah, do you think we could step outside for a sec? i think i need some fresh air." the chair scrapes under you but you ignore it and make a beeline for the side door, clean air the only thought on your mind.

"of course, are you sure you're okay." outside, you fail to find the relief you're looking for and try to swallow down the metallic taste. you find it difficult to, however, and you concentrate on the movement as jennie crouches in front of you. you hadn't even realised you'd sat down.

unable to resist any longer, you give up and speak up in a hoarse voice. "can you go get haechan?" jennie nods and disappears for a minute. in the quiet, the only thing you can hear is your laboured breathing and the distant chatter from inside. it sounds like you're underwater, the voices seem so far away, as if you're sinking.

"what's wrong?" haechan's before you in an instant, hands gripping the sides of your face and eyes scanning your body for any obvious injuries. you try to speak but nothing comes out and you feel your legs give way underneath you, sliding down the wall onto the ground.

"i don't know–" the voice that speaks doesn't sound like you're own. it's hoarse and breathless and you can feel yourself losing the strength to speak again.

"she said the drink tasted weird." haechan's blood runs cold at jennie's words. you don't fail to notice the panic in his eyes and it does nothing to calm your now racing heartbeat. you feel a chill come over you and when you reach your hands up to find haechan's they shake violently.

despite the alarm on his face, his voice is calm and authoritative and it reminds you of the first time you had ever heard him speak. you wish fleetingly to go back to that moment, to be able to meet him for the first time again. "call an ambulance."

"what?" jennie's voice is close by but muffled by your own heartbeat that pounds in your ears.

"call an ambulance and tell them she's been poisoned." you feel his arms gently set you onto your side before his words register in your head. “try and breathe for me, princess.” the action is futile and you try so hard to do as he says but your head feels heavier with every feeble motion of your lungs.

“you’re gonna be fine, baby.” it's the last thing you hear before your hearing gives up on you. haechan's hands finally find you own, skin hot against yours, and you try to squeeze them but you can't get your fingers to move. you feel like a statue, watching the scene in front of play out with no strength to do anything.

black spots start toying at the edge of your vision and you feel the ground beneath your shoulder. you're on your side, you think. but you can't remember moving anymore.

haechan's hands remain in yours and you try to take a breath in, feeling your lungs expand weakly before the last little bit of energy drains out of you. the last thing you see is haechan's face, an expression of terror on his face as he shakes your shoulders. his mouth is moving but you can't hear anything he's saying, instead letting the darkness overcome your senses.

it's calming, almost, the warm embrace of sleep. you feel like you haven't slept in years, maybe never.  with an empty feeling settling inside you and haechan’s face burning behind your eyelids, you allow yourself to slip into the blackness.

*

the first thing you're aware of is a warmth over your arm. and then a beeping. and then painfully bright light shining behind your eyelids. the smell of harsh disinfectant fills your nose and you feel starchy sheets underneath your bare legs. an attempt to breathe in leaves you coughing painfully as you realise your lungs feel like they’re made of sandpaper.

the sound awakens haechan from his light sleep, eyes shooting open to find you squinting down at him. everything is too bright and you try to bring a hand up to cover them before finding it covered in wires. you hand is pushed back down and a cup of water is brought to your lips. it feels heavenly against your dry throat and you try to drink more before it's pulled out of your reach.

"hey, hey, slow down," the familiar tone is a welcome change and you find your mind coming up blank as to where you are. haechan smiles down at you, a soft glimmer to his eyes, one you haven't seen in what feels like so long. "the nurse said you shouldn't drink too much yet."

"what happened?" your voice is scratchy and painful to listen to. the boy before you smiles sadly and sits on the edge of the bed after pushing the barrier down. you've managed to work out you're in a hospital, but you're still unable to place the reason behind your visit.

"you were poisoned." the words trigger something in your brain and your memories come flooding back. the lemonade, the confusion, the darkness. it's the second time you've been close to death, and the second time haechan's been the last thought on your mind. you promise yourself you won't let him slip away, not this time.

"i remember," his fingers interlace with yours, thumb rubbing along the back of your hand. "i thought i was gonna die."

"you nearly did," a new voice enters the room and you turn to see a tall woman in a white coat. "and you would have done if it wasn't for this man's quick thinking." she waves a clipboard in haechan's direction and he looks away, embarrassed to be in the spotlight. "the paramedics knew exactly what they were turning up to, cut a lot of time for treatment.” the words make haechan blush.

the doctor stays for a while longer, explaining your treatment plan and adjusting your medications. she gives you some stronger painkillers and says you should be fine to leave after another night of observation.

as soon as you're alone again, you turn to haechan, only to find he's already staring at you. "you know what i'm gonna say." the words are whispered and you let him move up the bed to lie beside you.

"just say it, get it over with." unlike last time, his voice doesn't sound as hopeless and you wonder if he prepared himself for this conversation. it was inevitable, to be fair.

"you were my last thought." haechan's cologne is strong in your nose as you drop your head onto his shoulder. "i wasn't scared about dying, haechan, i was scared about never seeing you again." the tears fill your eyes and you do nothing to stop them falling onto haechan's hoodie.

his shoulder moves when he sighs, an arm wrapping around your shoulders and your taken back to the last time you were sat like this. "i love you, i need you to know that, okay?" it's all you can hope to hear, but you know he hasn't stopped talking yet. "but i don't know if we can do this."

"why can't we just leave?" your voice is pleading and it pulls at haechan's heartstrings. he wants to badly to give in, but the future would be too uncertain.

"your parents would hunt us down."

"then let's flee the country, i don't care–"

"you can't just leave your parents–"

"where are they?" when you had woken up, you hadn't failed to notice their lack of presence and it didn't hurt as much as it should have anymore. a guilt look passes behind haechan's eyes and he doesn't even need to say it for you to understand.

"on a business trip."

"let's just go, haechan. they don't want us here anymore."

the desperate glimmer in your eyes is enough to convince haechan, who knows he would have agreed to it anyway. he would always agree with you. "if you want to. i'll do anything for you princess."

when you turn to face him, the proximity between your faces is significantly less than what you expected and you find your breath hitching in your throat. it catches him off guard as well and you watch his eyes flicker down to your lips and back up to your eyes quickly. you can’t help but smirk as you lean in, resting your free hand on his chest to push yourself up to meet his lips.

the kiss is warm and comforting and everything you need in that moment. he slips a hand around your waist and pulls you closer to him, using his other one to cup your jaw and tilt your head up. the angle allows you to deepen the kiss and haechan sighs into it. a few seconds pass and your lungs are burning for oxygen.

you break away first, resting your forehead against his and drinking in as much air as you can before leaning back into him. right before your lips meet again, you hear the heart rate monitor speed up and your cheeks burn in embarrassment.

“why is your heart beating so fast?” haechan teases with a laugh.

“shut up.” you huff out before closing the distance one again and meeting his lips with a new sense of hope filling you.

a/n; thank you so much for reading!! it means a lot to me!!

[zmalkarnar1]

What about us? Oikawa x Male Reader

Despite having to be at work at 6am on Monday, spent all Sunday night writing this up. Anyone else unable to get a wink of sleep when an idea gets stuck in their head?

h/c hair color, d/n dogs name, d/t dog type, n/n nickname

Angsty. Also SPOILERS from the manga. If you haven’t read the manga and are only on the anime, there are spoilers ahead. Sorry.  Also pretty long.

What about us?

The snow gently fell towards the ground. Y/n felt a shiver run through his body, but despite the breeze, y/n enjoyed winter and the blanket of snow that covered the city. Indeed, the way it reflected the light never ceased to amaze him.

The h/c was pulled out of his trance by d/n, pulling forcibly on the leash, eager to get to the park and the lure of freedom to run. Y/n gave his dog a quick pat on the head and resumed his stroll towards the park.

He wasn’t the only one out. New years preparation had people shopping, decorating, visiting shrines, and in general enjoying the festive air with friends and family. However, y/n was content enjoying the fresh air that filled his lungs with each breath on his own. Continuing his walk to the city park in peace and quiet y/n sighed in content, d/n pulling on the leash again, wishing for y/n to move just a little bit faster. And when a shrill voice called out to him, y/n momentarily wished that he did indeed move faster. 

“Y/n-chan, is that you!?”

He turned his head towards the voice, recognizing it as his heart skipped a beat.

Tooru? But isn’t he in Argentina? 

“Y/n-chan, it is you!” He called, running across the street to greet his old classmate. 

Oikawa came in for a hug, but rather than meeting y/n he found a d/t leaping up at him. D/n, seeing a chance to make a new friend, and being the attention whore he was, hoped to receive pets and scratches that y/n, at times, can be stingy on. At least from d/n’s point of view. 

Oikawa stumbled as the dog leapt at him again, licking Oikawa’s face. Y/n can do naught but laugh,

“D/n get down!” He called, pulling on the leash a bit to take a hold of the animal, rubbing his sides to get him to calm down.

“Sorry about that Oikawa,” y/n says, still laughing a bit at the brunette.

“No you’re not,” Oikawa pouted.

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. D/n just wants some love,” y/n said, still petting the animal, “Anyways, what are you doing here? Moving back from Argentina?”

“No, no, just visiting family and friends for the New Years.”

“I see,” y/n said, trying to feign disinterest.

Y/n’s laughter faded away as d/n was content with the attention he was now getting from his master. Oikawa let his eyes wander and y/n kept his attention on his companion, not knowing what to say to his former boyfriend. It had been years since they last spoke. 

“So...since I’m around,” Oikawa starts, hand running through his hair, a sheepish smile on his face, “maybe we can get lunch together? To catch up?”

Y/n shook his head, “No thanks. I don’t really think I’ll have the time,”

Oikawa’s smile fell from his face. “Oh, sorry to bother you. I guess I’ll see you,”

He begins to turn around, but y/n’s voice stops him in place. “Wait. I just don’t get a lot of free time. But catching up sounds nice. You’re welcome to join d/n and I on our walk.”

Oikawa brightened up immediately, “I was on some errands for my sibling, but his seems more important.” He gives a mischievous smirk and falls in beside you as you continue your way towards the park. 

“I caught all your games at the Olympics, you know,” y/n said, trying to fill the uneasy silence that had sprung between them

“You did!? All of them?” Oikawa asked, his chocolate eyes seeming to glow as he looked at y/n.

“Yea, all of them. I’ve watched all of your games since we were in middle school together…”

Y/n cheered along with the rest of the Seijoh crowd as the freak quick attack of Karasuno’s number ten was slammed back down on their own side of the court. Aoba Johsai won the third set, carrying them further in the Interhigh tournament. The teams shook hands and came to thank the crowd, Y/n’s boyfriend giving him a thumbs up as he approached the line, which y/n returned, smiling and cheering him on. 

Y/n turned to leave the stands. Entering the halls beyond, y/n ran into Oikawa’s arms, squeezing the (shorter/taller) male into a bear hug.

“Congrats babes!”

“Ugh, thanks y/n-chan”

“You were great!” Y/n said, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

Oikawa blushed, still unused to the physical affection y/n gave him right in front of his team. Even two years into their relationship, he could never control his emotions, or stop the blush from rising in his cheeks whenever y/n called him his. Or jumped into his arms. The team just chuckled, some teasing Oikawa as they passed. Iwaizumi just stared blankly at the two of them, unable to comprehend how y/n was able to hand Shittykawa’s nonsense day in and day out. 

“We’re leaving soon trashykawa, so hurry up!” Iwaizumi said before passing by with the rest of the team, leaving Y/n and Oikawa alone in the gym’s hall.

“Thanks for cheering for me n/n. I always play better knowing you’re in the crowd,”

“Oh, Tooru, you know I’d never miss a game! Now you ready for tonight?”

“Well, actually…”

The smile immediately fell from Y/n’s face. He knew what was coming. Tooru was cancelling their date this weekend. For volleyball. Again. Resisting the sigh building in his chest, y/n shook away his disappointment and forced his smile back onto his face.

“It’s okay Tooru. I know you need to focus on volleyball right now,”

“Y/n-chan, I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“You don’t need to explain babes,” Y/n interrupted, “I know how important this is to you, especially since we’re third years. Last chance, right?”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you y/n chan!” Oikawa said, squeezing his boyfriend tight and peppering him with kisses on his check, “I promise we’ll spend all Sunday afternoon together once we win it all!”

Y/n smiled sadly, “Go get em my Lion. Rule the Court!”

Tooru squeezed Y/n into a tight hug once more, forcing the breath out of him and turned to join his team. A few steps away he turned to apologize to Y/n once more, but when he did, the hall was quiet and empty. Tooru walked back towards his team, his eyes set on only one thing; defeating Ushiwaka once and for all. 

Y/n wasn’t able to meet with Oikawa after the Shiratorizawa game, teh team having already left with the coach. Y/n didn’t even head to the cafe for their date. He knew Tooru wouldn’t show up. Instead he strolled up to his house, Oikawa’s mother opening the door before he even had a chance to knock. 

“Ah, there you are Y/n, right on time, as always. He’s upstairs.”

“Thanks,” y/n said, climbing the stairs two at a time. As he entered Tooru’s room, he found his boyfriend curled up in a ball on his bed.

“Tooru?” Y/n called

“Y/n-chan, what are you doing here?” he sniffled. 

“Comforting you. As I always do. Besides, I figured you’d forgotten about our date.”

Tooru  turned towards Y/n, his eyes red and puffy and wide with guilt. He began to sit up, but Y/n sat down on the bed and pulled him back down onto the mattress. Y/m wrapped his arms around Tooru and pulled him close, intertwining their ggs, giving him a quick peck on the forehead. 

“I’m here Tooru. It’s okay,”

Tooru sniffed and pulled Y/n in closer, “I’m sorry, it's just…”

“It’s okay. We can cuddle a bit, then go practice your serves and end with some ice cream if you want. Not the worst date we’ve ever had.” Y/n said, rubbing circles on Tooru’s back, and then get ready to beat Ushiwaka next time.”

“You're the best n/n! I don’t deserve you,”

“I know. And you don’t. You’re lucky you give great cuddles. And you’re cute,” Y/n joked, “but, I’m here for you. I’m here for you.”

Y/n let Tooru cry in his arms, letting his boyfriend vent his frustration and anger, allowing Y/n to hold onto him, to pull the shattered pieces back together. And then Tooru led him to the gym where Y/n chased balls and helped Tooru serve the rest of his frustration and self-doubt away. He spent their entire postponed date on building Tooru back up. Comforting his pain, reassuring him and pushing down the doubts building in his mind, doing everything to assure the volleyball captain that he was not only an amazing player and setter, but a great boyfriend as well. And finally, Y/n got an hour back with his boyfriend when they could take one damned hour away from volleyball and Ushiwaka as they walked hand in hand through the town, enjoying some ice cream as they went. 

And Y/n said that it was okay. He loved Tooru, and despite everything, Tooru loved him. Despite the cancellations, despite his obsession with beating Ushiwaka, and the constant beating himself down, Y/n knew that Tooru was sincere when he said he loved him back. 

“And, what did ya think of the games?” Oikawa asked, excited to hear that, even after all the years, he still had his number one fan watching his back.

“You were amazing. I can see all the hard work paid off. Your game against Japan and those Karasuno blokes was the highlight of the tournament.”

Oikawa nodded, remembering the match against all those who he had sworn to rise above.

“I was actually there for that one, you know,”

“What!? You were?”

Y/n nodded, “It was nice to see you play in person again. Anyways, how is Argentina? Meet anyone special?”

“Argentina is amazing! Best career decision I could have ever made, but what about you? What have you been doing?” Oikawa asked, turning the conversation towards Y/n. Y/n didn’t fail to notice that Oikawa had dodged one of his questions, but he let it pass.

“Oh, I’ve been getting by,” Y/n said as they reached the park. Moving towards the fenced section for dogs, Y/n stepped inside, allowing d/n off of his lease, as there were no other dogs around, and throwing a tennis ball, which d/n gleefully bound after.

“I’ve been working in animation.”

“That’s what you always wanted Y/n! You got your dream too!” Oikawa cheered, patting you on the back,

“It’s not the happy ending though, Oikawa.”

Oikawa looked at you confused. “Wasn’t that your dream? Using your art to help create anime?”

“It was. It is. It’s just,” Y/n sighed, suddenly deflated, and Oikawa took another look at Y/n, but this time he truly saw him. He saw the bags under the h/c eyes and the red of exhaustion and worry that rimmed Y/n’s eyes. He saw the stooped shoulders and y/n’s slouch, as if the world was bearing all its weight down on his friend, and it took everything he had just to force himself out of bed each morning. He saw the fake smile Y/n gave him, to stave off his worry. It was the very same Y/n flashed at him while they were dating, telling him that he was okay, when really he was tearing apart inside. And finally he searched y/n’s eyes once more and noticed how the light inside, which always filled Oikawa with butterflies, was faded and dim.

“Y/n,” he said, barely a whisper, his entire focus now on Y/n, “what happened to you?”

They weren’t together anymore. Y/n didn’t really love him anymore. But under that gaze, beneath the concern and care in Oikawa’s eyes, Y/n broke, a tear beginning to drop from his eyes.

“It’s just,” Y/n let out a deep breath, not even realizing what was about to come out of his mouth, “I work seven days a week. I never have time to take a day off, because if I do, I don’t get paid. You know how much I get paid for my art? You know how much I get paid for dozens of hours of animation? One hundred dollars. One hundred. I have seven different animation projects at any one time, and despite working over seventy hours each week, I can still barely afford rent for a god damned studio apartment, let alone everything else.”

Y/n’s voice raised and as it did, so too did his emotions, and the dam he had built up; it didn’t just crack, it burst. Half-sobbing, half-yelling, he continued, unaware of how much he was holding in or how he was falling apart in front of an ex he had spoken to in years. 

“And d/n has a vet bill coming up, which I know I don’t have money for. And I wouldn’t even have a dog in my situation, but he was my moms, and...well…”

Y/n’s voice trailed off as his tears and sobs became too much for him to speak through. Oikawa put his hand on the h/c’s shoulder. Oikawa had known Y/n’s mother was sick. She had been for years. All throughout high school she battled cancer, teetering back and forth between recovery and death. Oikawa hadn’t realized she had passed away.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry,” Oiwaka said, but his friend couldn’t hear him.

“And, I just couldn’t let him go and…” he choked between sobs, “but I know I don’t give d/n the time he deserves, and I don’t know what to do. I’m angry all the time because I work in an industry worth billions of dollars, but I, and hundreds of other animators, barely get paid for our never ending work to get anime’s out, and now matter what we do or say, nothing ever changes. And some days I just get up and want to quit because I can’t do it anymore. It’s making me hate art and animation. It’s making me hate my dream and I just want to give it all up. I just...just don’t know what to do…”

Y/n slumped to the snow covered ground, his knees giving way. D/n, sensing his owners distress, strolled over to y/n, dropping the ball at his feet. D/n raised his head up against Y/n’s, nuzzling it against him and licking at his tear stained cheeks.

Y/n gave a dry chuckle, “stop d/n,” he said, scratching the dogs ears before standing up, “I’m sorry Oikawa,” Y/n began, wiping away his teams, “I didn’t mean to…”

Y/n didn’t get a chance to finish as Oikawa had pulled him into a close hug, pulling Y/n’s head to his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Oikawa whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry you’ve had to hold so much on your shoulders alone again. It’s okay. I’m here for you. I’m here for you.”

And much to his embarrassment, Y/n cried into Oikawa’s shoulder, cried in his arms. His mothers death, the sense of hopelessness as he tried to make his way in Japan, the feelings of his dream dying in front of his eyes. Y/n let it all go while Oikawa held him, rubbing his back slowly and whispering to Y/n that he was here, that it was okay. 

A few minutes passed before Y/m pulled away from Oikawa, once again wiping away tears.

“How embarrassing. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean our ‘catching up’ walk to turn into my sob fest,” Y/n chuckled.

“Hey, it's alright. It’s not as if I haven’t done the same to you. It looked like you really needed that. It’s okay.” Oikawa said, stepping back to give Y/n his space. “How long since your mother?”

“Two years.”

“I’m sorry,”

“Thanks,” Y/n said, throwing the tennis ball for d/n once more.

“Your father?”

“He left. I always was his great disappointment.”

“I’m so sorry Y/n,” Oikawa repeated, unsure of what else he can say to comfort his friend.

“It’s okay. I got past that one.”

“And you’ll get past all the rest,”

“I...I don’t know,” Y/n said, looking back down at d/n.

“Hey,” Oikawa said, lifting Y/n’s chin and turning his eyes towards his own, “The Y/n I know doesn’t give up that easily, not after what you’ve been through.”

Y/n gave him that ghost smile once more, but before he could speak, Oikawa continued.

“So here's what we can do. You clearly need some help,” Oikawa said, sticking his tongue out at Y/n and pulling down on the skin below his eye, “So I’m going to help you.”

“Oikawa, I’ll be fine…”

“Be quiet Y/n!” Oikawa said, his voice high and childish, just like back in high school, “We’re gonna get some exercise running with d/n. Then we’re going to the store and buying some food. You will graciously invite me over for dinner and we’re going to have a good time.”

“Oikawa, I have work to do tonight,” Y/n protested

“What’d you say? I couldn’t hear you,”

“Oikawa,” Y/n said with a growl

“Doesn’t sound like an invite to me,”

Y/n sighed, “Oikawa...you’re not going to stop, are you?”

“Nope.” he said with his stupid, adorable grin on his face, “but really, I wasn’t there for you in high school, not like I should have been. I’m going to be here for you now, as your friend.”

“Just as a friend, right?” Y/n asked to clarify

“Don’t worry, just as a friend,” Oikawa said, putting his arm around Y/n, “Now let’s play with d/n already,”

They stayed in the park for over an hour, playing with d/n, running him to make up for lost exercise. For the first time in what felt like years Y/n laughed, truly, freely laughed. Mainly at Oikawa being an idiot. But Y/n knew he was doing it for him.

And Oikawa, each time he was able to pull a laugh from Y/n, but slipping in the show and having d/n trample him, or reminiscing about times they pissed off Iwa-chan, could feel the blood pumping through his body, his heart pounding in his chest. It wasn’t what they were, but it was something. The awkward air between them when Oikawa first approached had dispersed like dust in the wind, and they were friends again. It was enough. 

Keeping his promise, Oikawa dragged Y/n to the store and went inside, shopping for their dinner (and then some, much to Y/n’s chagrin), and followed Y/n home.

D/n collapsed on his bed right away, falling asleep, content with the day’s excitement. Y/n just looked around his tiny apartment and sighed once more, having forgotten about the disaster he called home.

“Sorry for the mess.”

“Wow. Y/n, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a piece of clothing on your floor before, and now...I don’t know where to begin,” Oikawa teased.

He was right. Y/n was always organized, meticulous, and immaculate, but the stress of the past year had taken a toll on Y/n. Work stuff overed the small table and dest in the room, and the two chairs as well. Clothing, probably dirty, was strewn about the room, dirty dishes and half eaten meals covered the remaining space. And the small bed in the corner was a mess of sheets, pillows and half folded clothing.

“It's been a tough year and a half,” Y/n muttered. 

“Well, we’re going to forget about that tonight. Clean yourself up and I’ll start our dinner.”

“Since when could you cook?” Y/n teased

“Just go get cleaned up!” Oikawa ordered

` Y/n nodded. There was no point arguing anymore either. His small apartment had a main room, where his entire life was stored with a small kitchenette, and then a tiny bathroom with a shower. 

Y/n turned on the hot water and stepped in, wondering what he had just gotten himself into. He hadn’t meant to break down in front of his ex like that. He hadn’t meant to bring him home for dinner either. It wasn’t that Y/n didn’t like Oikawa anymore, but he just couldn’t get involved again. Stepping out of the shower he resolved to keep his feelings hidden and returned to his one room, seeing Oikawa scanning through his work. 

“I thought you were making dinner,” Y/n said, making Oikawa jump.

“Uh, I am. Sorry, I just saw some of your work, and then kept looking.”

“I see.”

“It’s amazing. You really don’t get paid for this?” he asked

“Doesn’t feel like it. Here, let me show you some of the animation work I do,” Y/n said, opening his laptop.

Y/n spent the next few minutes showing off his animation work on scenes from a growing new anime that was rapidly gaining popularity. 

“And you work at least seventy hours a week and still barely make enough? What assholes,” he says, being angry for you.

“Yea. Some nights I fall asleep at the desk. Iwa-chan says I overwork myself so much that I’m hurting my body. Sound familiar?” Y/n asked.

“We’re both two stars lost in the universe, hurting ourselves in order to shine with our dreams.” Oikawa gave Y/n a sad smile, “You hang you with Iwa-chan often?”

“Not really. No time. Not since the just after the Olympics a few months ago. Anyways, dinner.”

“Yes, yes, I’m on it.” 

“Sorry again for the mess. And the lack of space,” Y/n said, clearing off the chairs

“No worries. I’m actually used to it,” 

“You are?”

“Yea. When I first got to Argentina, well it was rough. I didn’t know the language and had almost no money at the start. The first two years I lived just like this. And to top it all off I overworked myself. A lot. I have to learn to take care of myself.”

“Did you? Learn I mean? Doesn’t sound like you.” Y/n teased, his old smile finally emerging from its slumber.

“Nor really,” Oikawa admitted, “But I’m doing much better now. Caught a good break and even met the Karasuno shrimp in Brazil. That actually really helped. And well, now I’m doing alright.”

“You’re an Olympian. I’d say you’re a sight better than alright,” Y/n pointed out.

“It wasn’t always easy, ya know. People don’t realize what we sacrifice.”

“I know, sorry. I didn’t mean to brush aside your struggles.”

“I just want you to know, it will get better. I believe in you.”

Y/n’s true smile faded, and the ghost he’d become resurfaced. He nodded anyways, nor really wanting to talk anymore about it. He’d already cried far too much for his liking today as it was, in front of Oikawa no less. And as Oikawa served the food, they ate dinner in silence, the unease from before returning like a storm cloud that just wouldn’t pass through.

“Thanks Oikawa,” Y/n mumbled as they finished, “I’ll clean this up,”

“Nonsense, I’ll do it. You relax. Is there anything else I can do for you,” Oikawa asked, winking at the end.

Y/n suddenly tensed. The last thing he wanted was Oikawa attempting to flirt with him right now.

“Jeez, calm down, I’m joking,” Oikawa said when he noticed Y/n tense up, “I said as a friend, and I meant it.”

True to his word, Oikawa cleaned and they hung out. Sharing stories, reminiscing on their days at Seijoh. And never once did Oikawa overstep his bounds or overstayed his welcome. Never once did he try to flirt, never once even asked or expected more for what he did for Y/n. Oikawa had grown, and for a moment, Y/n was really glad Oikawa was there for him, as his friend.

“Do you ever wonder how things would’ve turned out if you went with me?” But of course, in typical Oikawa fashion, he just had to ruin the moment. Maybe he hadn’t grown that much after all. But then, maybe Y/n hadn’t either, as his guard had to slip at that exact moment.

“Oh, Tooru…” Y/n said fondly, a weary look in his eyes.

After the loss to Shiratorizawa, Tooru threw himself back into volleyball with a fire that burned so hot, it threatened to consume the boy who possessed it. Y/n went to every game, even practice when he could. Tooru had a dream. Tooru needed Y/n and Y/n loved him. But Y/n needed Tooru too.

Y/n’s mother fell ill again, and his father was less than pleased with his son. The stress built until Y/n collapsed in class, in a puddle of exhaustion and tears. It was only then, after months of suffering that Tooru even noticed his boyfriend's pain, his terror. Tooru carried him to the infirmary. It was then he saw the fear and fatigue in his beloved’s eyes. Guilt overwhelmed him. They spent the weekend together, and for once, Toorus was there, entirely and completely for Y/n. With Tooru, he could pull himself through.

But Oikawa Tooru had a one track mind. Volleyball and rising above his nemesis, Wakatoshi Ushijima; nothing else could compete for space in his mind. Missed dates and meetups, waiting at the school gates for an hour, only to walk home alone and miserable. Y/n suffered, but knew that, despite everything, Tooru sincerely loved him.

Tooru always apologized. He was so sincere. He never meant to forget, to hurt Y/n, and he always made it up to him. A nigher here, a lunch there. But Oikawa was so singularly focused that it never lasted long. Y/n had to beg, or be on the verge of collapse for his boyfriend to momentarily let go of his obsessions with volleyball to focus solely on their relationship. But it was only ever for a fleeting moment. 

Then Y/n’s mother’s health declined again, and as it all piled up on Y/n’s back like gravity forcing him down to earth from orbit, he burned up and broke apart. He couldn’t take it all anymore. He couldn’t help his mother, or change his abusive father, but he could take the stress of their relationship out of his life. However, that very next day, Aoba Johsai fell to Karasuno in the prefecture tournament for Spring Nationals, and a run down, broken Oikawa made his way to Y/n’s home. Still sobbing, Y/n led Oikawa to his room and helped him as he did all those times before. Maybe now that it was finally over, they could fix their relationship. But that was naive. 

Y/n sat in the cafe, glaring at his phone, as if he was wishing he could stop the clock from turning. Maybe he hoped that it was running fast. But it wasn’t. Oikawa was late. Again. Y/n sipped at his hot cocoa as a tear slipped from his eyes.

 It was supposed to be better. Volleyball was over. It was supposed to be easier. Y/n thought. But every time he...I can’t do this anymore.

“That idiot.”

Y/n jumped at the angry growl and looked up to see Iwaizumi standing next to his table.

“Iwa-chan? What are you doing here?” Y/n asked

“Shittykawa is an idiot.”

“He’s not coming...is he?” Y/n asked, though he didn’t need to. He already knew the answer.

“He was only supposed to practice for ten more minutes. I was on my way home, but then wanted to check in on you. To make sure he got here.”

“Thanks Iwa-chan. Is he still at the gym?”

“Probably, knowing him. I’ll whack him good for you tomorrow.”

“No need Iwaizumi. We’re done.” Y/n said, getting up and brushing past Iwaizumi

“I’m sorry Y/n,”

“Thanks for letting me know, Iwa-chan.”

Y/n took to the street, turning back towards Aoba Johsai, his blood pumping furiously through his veins. As he approached the gym, he could still see the lights on, and as he made it to the doors, he heard the tell tale sound of a volleyball pounding against the gym floor. Y/n entered, not even trying to hold in his tears.

Oikawa didn’t even turn, “I’m almost down Iwa-chan, don’t worry.”

“I’m not Iwaizumi,” Y/n sniffled.

Oikawa heard Y/n’s trembling voice, his sniffles, and turned with a look of pure horror and guilt on his face, the voice jolting the forgotten promise of a Friday night date; cafe, dinner, movie, and cuddles. He rushed over to Y/n, apologies rushing out of his mouth, and tried to embrace his boyfriend. But Y/n shoved him away before he couldn. Hard. And Oikawa stumbled back.

“Y/n?” 

“Again Tooru. You forgot again! You don’t even have a tournament coming up and you still forget me for volleyball!” The venom in Y/n’s voice ripped through Oikawa.

“But Y/n, I still need to practice,” he argued.

“Is that practice more important than me? Than my feelings? What about what I need?”

“Y/n-chan, that’s not fair…”

“No!” Y/n screamed, jabbing his finger into Oikawa’s chest, “You don’t get to do that. I’ve accepted cancelled dates and rainchecks. No matter how hard I try, the plan is somehow always rearranged. I’ve been there for you, for three years. Every win. Every loss. I spent dates helping you practice. You don’t get to do that. It’s not fair that you can’t take one moment for me unless I literally collapse!”

“Y/n, I’m sorry,” Oikawa said, and the sincerity in his voice, in his eyes, tugged at Y/n’s heart. But he forced himself on. 

“I know you are. But I can’t do it anymore. My mother is still sick. My father is a homophobic ass. You are supposed to be my escape, my pillar too, just like I’ve been for you. But I find myself ever more stressed because of you. I can’t stop worrying about if you’re going to grace me with your presence for oncfe. I can’t do it anymore. You are so obsessed with volleyball, with beating Ushiwaka, that you don’t see anything else through your tunnel vision. You don’t see the blood and tears left behind in your rampage. I can’t do it anymore,” Y/n screamed through his sobs at the end. It was over.

“Y/n, I can’t choose between you and volleyball, I love both. I need both,” Oikawa said, tears beginning to glisten in his chocolate eyes. 

Y/n took a deep breath and pulled his temper back under reign. “I know, Oikawa, I know.”

Oikawa flinched at the use of his last name. That hadn’t happened since before they were dating. 

“I know. It’s your dream. You can’t give that up.”

“I love you too, n/n”

“I know Oikawa, I believe you do. But clearly you can’t do both. We;re done. I need to do what’ve best for me right now. You’ll be fine.”

Y/n turned to walk out, but Oikawa had grabbed his wrist. Angry e/c glared at Oikawa.

“Let go.” Y/n hissed, pulling away from Oikawa and storming out the gym doors. Oikawa followed him out, only to see Y/n crying in Iwaizumi’s arms.

“You moron,” was all he said before turning to walk Y/n home. 

“I’m leaving.”

A cold, early spring breeze, pushed its way across the park, and Y/n shivered. Yet it wasn’t for the cold. He ran his hands through his h/c locks and looked at everything but the boy in front of him. He noticed the new buds on the trees, and the hint of green pushing out of the thawed ground. Spring was always his favorite season; new life, new beginnings, a chance to start anew. His gaze moved up towards the clouds passing overhead. 

“I know” Y/n said

“And?”

“And what?” Y/n responded back, tone devoid of any feeling

“What about us?”

“What about us, Oikawa?”

“I still love you Y/n,”

“What do you want me to say Oikawa? That I’ll jump on a plane with you, to Argentina? Leave everything behind? Even if I wanted to, what would I do? Sit in your apartment, waiting for you to come home? After how you treated me?

They were on speaking terms again. It had taken a few months, but Y/n was willing to be in the same room as Oikawa again, at least as long as someone else was there. But this was the first they’ve been alone. 

“I...I,”

Y/n sighed and pushed down his love that still shone for the brunette. Despite everything, Oikawa was always honest and sincere.

“I know. I believe you do. But am I supposed to leave my sick mother? No Oikawa, this is it.”

“I’m sorry,”

“It’s a little late for that. I need to get home. Good luck, Oikawa.”

“Do you ever think of…”

“Oh, Tooru…” Y/n stopped as the name slipped from his lips, hoping Oikawa didn’t notice. Oikawa’s eyes widened in surprise at the use of his first name, but carried on as if nothing happened.

“I do, sometimes. When volleyball isn’t going well, I think of that moment in the park.”

“Honestly,” Y/n admitted, “so do I.”

Oikawa perked up.

“But, really, what would’ve happened. I’d have no job, nothing to do, nothing but to wait for you, and we both know how that went.” 

“You’re right. I know it. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.”

“I know,” Y/n said, “and I’m not angry at you. Well, I was, and I was very hurt. But I know that volleyball was always going to claim the larger piece of your heart, and with everything going on, I just couldn’t do it. We had different lives I guess. But I’m not mad any more.”

“Thanks. For not being angry anymore,” Oikawa said, perking up a moment later, “Anyways, let's put in a movie we can laugh at and then we’ll have a sleepover, just like the good old days. Don’t worry, I’ll sleep on the floor.” 

“Oikawa, we’re…”

“Just friends, I know, but do you really want to be alone tonight?”

Y/n shook his head, “Not really. Thanks...Tooru.” 

Just as Tooru promised, they laughed with a good movie, and Y/n felt his stress melt away for the first time in nearly a year, all his adult worries fading away with the sound of Oikawa’s voice. And just as he said, he never tried to push past being only friends. If Tooru still felt the same, he hid it well. All except his chocolate eyes which gave him away, gazing a half a second too long on the male. 

Morning came, and after Tooru made them a full breakfast, the two took d/n back to the park for his morning walk.

“I’m heading back to Argentina tomorrow.”

“I guess this is it then…”

“You know, my offer still stands.”

“To go with you?” Y/n asked.

“Yes. You mentioned last night that during the pandemic that you worked mostly from home. You could do the same in South America.”

“And what else Tooru? I’m not sure I want to leave Japan. Besides, I’d only end up on the back burner to volleyball. No. I won’t go.” Y/n said, his eyes determined.

“I understand. It was silly to ask. Give me your phone though,”

“Why?” Y/n asked, handing over the device.

“There,” Oikawa said after typing in a set of numbers, “You have my new number. We can keep in touch, and talk when things get too real, as friends. And I can curse out your awful bosses for you.”

“I could do that.” Y/n said, his smile returning from the graveyard it had been lost to for so long.

“And during the off season you can come visit me. You and Iwa-chan both.”

“Tooru, you know I can’t get the time off.”

“Don’t care. You’re gonna visit. Or I’ll tell Iwa-chan how beat down you actually were and he’ll drag you by your ear to the airport.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Y/n challenged

“Try me,” Oikawa said, sticking his tongue out at Y/n, pulling up Iwaizumi’s number on his phone.

“Fine, fine, just don’t call him. I’ll try to visit, okay?”

“Good. I should get home though. I never did tell my family I’d be out all night. It was good to see you Y/n.”

“It was. And thank you. I needed this.”

“Anytime, it’s what any good captain would do,” Tooru said, turning to walk away

“And Tooru?”

“Yea?”

Y/n’s eyes were glued towards the ground, a slight blush rising on his face. “Oh, nothing, nevermind.”

“You’re blushing like a schoolgirl and you think I’m going to let this go. Tell me.” He said, stepping closer to Y/n.

“I...I won’t wait for you. But if the day ever comes when there is space in your heart, and we’re both still wandering through this world alone...well, maybe we could try again…” Y/n said, looking up and meeting Oikawa’s gorgeous chocolate eyes. 

Oikawa nodded, giving Y/n one last final hug before heading back home, and eventually to where his heart really rested; his volleyball team, and Y/n, back to his apartment, with a new outlook and determination to build on his dream.

Sorry this was so long. Also was originally supposed to be an Oikawa x Male Reader x Iwaizumi, but clearly that didn’t happen. Story kind of took over itself.

Also, if you don’t know, animators in Japan are actually living in poverty despite the industry being so damn lucrative. They barely get paid anything for their art, so most of the people creating your favorite anime’s are barely making it by. If you don’t know much on it, here’s a Nytimes article that talks a bit about it. 

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/24/business/japan-anime.html

Might be a part II. Don’t know, depends on if inspiration hits in the middle of the night forcing me to write.