#mysteriously had 2 AWFUL panic attacks already like hey body? whats up with that?

[verysmallcyborg]

having the conflict of “rest is good” and “i hate being bedridden. i want to do things. but everything is Overwhelming and i’m tired, but not Tired Enough to keep sleeping”

[slasherhaven]

Bo Sinclair X Reader

Part 1 HERE

People wanted a part 2, so here you go!

Soulmate AU: shared pain and shared scars part 2:

What had started with you and some friends trying to get a fan belt for their car and maybe some mild flirting with the man who owned the garage, had all ended in hell breaking loose. Bo had been charming and helpful, you had felt an instant connection to him, the type of connection that soulmates so often talked about.

At first you had been disappointed that he didn't seem to recognise your scars, proving he wasn't your soulmate, but now you were thankful for it. At least you weren't cosmically tied to the man who had just turned and attacked your friends.

He had shot Wade and Carly had disappeared. You had been dragged to a basement beneath the garage and left there, him promising to deal with the rest of the group you came with before returning.

Out of the people you came on the road trip, you only really knew Carly. She was the only one you would truly have to mourn but seeing Wade shot like that and knowing the others were next was undeniably traumatic.

Left alone in the basement, you tried to find a way out but there was only a heavy locked door between you and your freedom. When trying to open it failed, you settled for banging on it and shouting for help. You hoped that some other of Carly's friends would come looking for the three of you when you were gone for so long, maybe they would hear you and you could get out of here.

It was impossible to tell how much time passed, hands becoming bloodied from repeatedly hitting the door, throat becoming sore from shouting. But you were finally interrupted by the sound of a car approaching. You stopped and stepped away from the door, looking up at the ceiling as the car came to a stop.

God, you hoped it was somebody from the camp...

You began to panic as you heard feet descending the stairs outside of the locked door, moving yourself further away from it. You heard the lock clicking before the door was pushed open, Bo stepping into the dimly lit basement.

"Stop banging on the fucking door" Bo snapped, clearly frustrated despite likely not having heard it if he was out in his truck...

You didn't respond but he moved closer and you noticed that he had left the door open. At this point, you had run out of options and had to take every opportunity that presented itself.

You suddenly darted towards the door, trying to pass him, but it was fruitless. Bo quickly caught you, grabbing you by the arms and standing in front of you to further block your path. You thrashed and fought against him but it was no use.

"The others?..." you asked, dread clear in your voice.

"My brother is dealing with them" Bo informed you, like it was nothing.

"...are you going to hurt me?" you were already sure of the answer, you just didn't know what he wanted from you. Why had he left you in the basement rather than just disposing of you like he had done the others.

"No. That would be, quite literally, self destructive" he chuckled darkly. He was too calm, you just knew what he had done to your friends...he had done before.

"What?" you didn't understand his comment.

Bo grabbed your wrist, his bloody hand wrapped completely around the scarring on your wrist, almost like it was instinctual. As he released your other arm, you tried to pull your hand away but his grip was too tight. With his free hand, he pulled up the sleeve his coveralls, revealing scarring that was identical to yours.

You stared at the twisted skin, processing what this meant. You had been right from the beginning when you first saw him, this was your soulmate.

"No...no" you shook your head, trying harder to pull your wrist out of his grasp. You just kept repeated the word 'no' as tears streamed from your eyes. How could you soulmate be somebody who did such awful things.

"Shhh, it's alright" Bo cooed, almost ironically. He continued to shush you as he pulled you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you.

Your brain told you that you should be a far away from him as possible, to kick and scream, but his embrace was strange comforting. Of course it was, you were fated to find comfort in his arms. Destined to meet him and love him. The universe wanted you both together, it was meant to be.

Maybe that was why your body began to relax as you cried into his chest, clutching at his coveralls. You hated him, you wanted to hate him, you needed to hate him. Yet, you were destined not too.

Bo kept you held against his chest and you couldn't even find it within yourself to pull away, finding comfort in the source of your pain.

Slowly, the sinking realisation settled. If you were Bo's soulmate, there was no way he was letting you leave. He had already made sure that there was nobody left to tell anyone where you were. If anyone eventually worried about your group going missing, they would assume you all ran off somewhere or eventually decide that you were the next mysterious case of missing people. It was unlikely anyone would track you down to a random, deserted, little town.

"You're home now" Bo whispered into your hair.

You sobbed at the realisation, and yet you clung tighter to him. He just held you tighter.

Bo smirked to himself as he ran a hand over your hair, only to have you shift closer to him. He knew that you hated him but he was confident that would change over time. Just from the way you were acting now, he knew he could win you over, and he knew you wouldn't be leaving him.

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up" you didn't respond as he pulled away, grasping your arm before guiding you out of the basement.

He kept hold of your arm as he walked you through Ambrose, towards the house he had taken you too earlier that day. As you were walking along the road, a familiar truck pulled up beside you both, bringing you to a halt.

Lester, the man who had brought you into Ambrose in the first place, hopped out of the truck.

"Everything's cleaned up" he informed Bo before looking at you and grinning. "they're your soulmate?" Bo just nodded, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his side. "It must be your lucky day" Lester teased his brother, who only rolled his eyes. You frowned a little. Meeting your soulmate was meant to be a good, a lucky, day...unfortunately this had also been one of the worst days of your life.

"Go see how Vincent is doing, alright?" Bo asked, sending his younger brother away.

Lester just rolled his eyes before climbing back into his truck. He had wanted to stick around and get to know his brother's soulmate a bit more, but he understood that you were probably shaken.

Finally, you and Bo returned to his house and he led you into the kitchen, where he sat you down in a chair. You stayed silent, processing, as he washed his hands in the sink, washing the blood away.

Once his hands were clean, he wet a cloth and returned to you, pulling a chair out opposite you before sitting down.

He grasped your hands and you allowed him too, letting him pull them into his lap as he began to wipe away the blood.

"You're in shock and you're angry but you'll come around" Bo sounded sure about that but you supposed he had every right to be, you were his soulmate after all. You had to come around. "You know I can't hurt you, or let anyone else hurt you, right?" he asked and you just nodded. Of course he can't hurt you, it would only be hurting himself. Literally. At least you had that peace of mind.

You watched as he cleaned your hands, it was almost tender. A complete contrast to the cruelty he had treated the rest of your group with.

"Why did you do all this?" you asked quietly when it fell silent.

"I'll explain everything later" Bo promised, knowing he had a lot to explain and that he had to tell you everything. You would find out one way or another.

You just nodded, hanging your head. "Hey, c'mon now, the worst is over" he reassured you, lifting a hand to wipe a tear from under your eye with his thumb. "I know this probably ain't how you expected to meet your soulmate but you're gonna be just fine, darlin'" he did sound genuinely sympathetic, at least to some extent.

Removing his hand from your face, Bo stood from his chair, going to drop the now bloodied rag into the sink.

You weren't sure what came over you but you quickly grabbed his hand, stilling him. You just felt safer, the closer he was. A instinctual part of you wanted him to remain close, as if it didn't understand the nuance of the situation. He seemed a little surprised but turned to you expectantly.

"How did you get those scars?" you asked. Something you had wondered all your life.

"You still feel bad for me?" Bo asked, almost sarcastically, like he couldn't imagine you having any sympathy for him anymore.

"You were a child...I would never blame you for that" you shook your head.

"...I'll tell you later, okay? When you actually want to talk to me" Bo promised. You opened your mouth but quickly shut it again, knowing he was right. How could you talk to him about something like that after what he just did? You shouldn't have even asked.

You reluctantly released his hand, letting him dispose of the cloth.

You didn't want to admit it but you knew that eventually you would want to talk to him, that your fated connection would become much stronger than your determination to hate him for the horrible things he has done. There would come a day when you simply...didn't care anymore, and you would want him by your side despite it all.

[delimeful]

nothing in this world (i wouldn’t do) (2)

warnings: mild blood/violence/injury, demon slaying, miscommunication, impromptu first aid, mentions of spiders, virgil tempting fate with his internal dialogue again

-

Whenever Virgil wasn’t sleeping, he was on the move.

At first, it had been because he didn’t trust himself around towns for too long, and there was always the chance of a real demon slayer getting wind of that ridiculous rumor and trying to track him down and kill him for it, even though it totally wasn’t his fault.

But then, as time went on, his bizarre pseudo-popularity seemed to have a different side effect.

Namely, every time he managed to save another human and hauled them back to the nearest town, he’d be practically swarmed. Antsy townsfolk would hurriedly inform him of the horrible tragedy they’d heard about up north, or the mysterious disappearances by the woods between this town and the neighboring one, or any sort of rumor that they thought a “demon slayer” should know about.

Where exactly were all the real demon slayers when people needed them? Why was he, an actual demon, seemingly more accessible for seeking help?!

Still, he wasn’t exactly doing anything else with his life (his unlife?), and if there were less demons, that meant the world would be safer for Thomas, didn’t it? So off he went, taking the less-traveled paths and following vague leads right into more danger.

His latest case had been a requested one, from a weaver in the last town. She had received a letter from her brother saying that he planned to come visit, and weeks later, he still hadn’t appeared or replied to her many return messages. The worry seemed to weigh her down like a physical burden, and he’d agreed perhaps more easily than normal.

Now, he was wedged into a shallow crevice in the mountainside and sorely regretting that decision.

The issue wasn’t the demon, no. He’d actually been making good progress on getting deeper and deeper into its territory in the past few days.

The issue was that he wasn’t the only one hunting it.

First, it had been a gaggle of young teens, and he’d been so alarmed that he’d almost dropped right out of the trees and ushered them back out of the woods. The less humans traipsing around this deep in demon territory, the better.

Of course, that was when he’d managed to spot the swords strapped to their sides, and suddenly, never appearing before a human again was looking more and more appealing. He’d immediately switched gears from tracking to stealth, and honestly, should have just turned tail and left then.

Instead, because those kids were around Thomas’s age and he still needed to find that weaver’s brother and also he was a sentimental idiot, he trailed them at a distance, always staying downwind and poised to bolt.

They handled themselves well at the beginning, and then the environment began to warp around them, and then it turned out there was more than one demon nesting here, and Virgil had been on the brink of jumping down and interfering, swords or no swords, when--

Between one blink and the next, one of the demons was cleanly beheaded.

The demon slayer-- for what else could he be-- smiled brilliantly as the body disintegrated to ash, holding a hand out to help one of the teens to their feet.

“It seemed like you all could use a little assistance,” he’d said, turning to face one of the other demons with a confidence that visibly unsettled it. Above, a circling crow cried out raspily. “My dear Missus informed me of your call for backup.”

If the stranger’s swift execution hadn’t tipped Virgil off, the way the baby slayers looked up at him with blatant awe was clue enough. This slayer was powerful and charismatic, whereas Virgil was neither of those things, so he was going to stay right here in his crevice until the whole situation had sorted itself out.

The three other demons seemed to have no such qualms, lunging at him in a semi-coordinated attack. The slayer handled them with terrifying ease, and for a moment it seemed that the battle had been settled, as simple as that.

Of course, that was when the landscape twisted further in on itself, buzzing like a disturbed wasps nest, and Virgil realized abruptly that this was the first time he’d seen so many feral, newly-created demons in one territory.

A stronger demon was keeping them all in line, like the queen of a hive. And it wasn’t at all pleased about the intrusion.

The slayer seemed to have caught on as well, his sword held aloft in threat. “Looks like the real fight starts now,” he said with a sharp, cocky grin.

Mere minutes later, the smile had grown considerably more strained.

Coincidentally, he’d taken considerably more damage in that time as well.

The slayer had given as good as he got, but against a demon’s healing factor, it wasn’t good enough. He was losing.

“Get out of here!” he instructed, and the baby slayers hesitated, clearly torn. He shot them a dazzling grin, hiding all signs of fatigue even as another blow rattled his sword. “Come now, don’t you know an order when you hear one? I don’t want any distractions while I handle this gruesome ghoul, so back to town with you!”

He cut off any further arguments by pointedly leading his attacker astray, giving them ample time to flee. Virgil felt some of the tension fade from him as the baby slayers got away cleanly, leaving just the slayer and the queen.

Really, he shouldn’t want the slayer to survive. Not when having a slayer that strong anywhere near him, or even in the same country as him, could easily be a death sentence. That didn’t change the jolt of panic that went through him when the queen finally gained the upper hand, knocking the slayer back into sheer cliff face hard enough to snap something.

… A slayer that protected others from demons so wholeheartedly was one that would protect Thomas.

The queen advanced towards the slayer, wounded and weakened but already gloating about how his flesh would be more than enough to completely rejuvenate her. Her entire focus was on the human’s fallen form.

Virgil dropped down on top of her soundlessly, claws piercing through muscle and fat until he’d torn her nearly clear in half. She shrieked in outrage, but a skull-crushing stomp was enough to knock her unconscious for at least a few moments.

The slayer, exhausted, half-crumpled against a tree, and his shoulder very clearly dislocated, looked up at him for a moment with something like hope.

When they met eyes, however, that was swiftly extinguished in favor of wary frustration.

“Another demon?” he complained, trying rather unsubtly to grasp for the sword that the queen had knocked free of him. “Exactly how many monsters can one fit on a single mountain?”

The sword was entirely out of reach, but Virgil kicked it a little further away for good measure. The slayer shot him a petulant glare.

Virgil pointed at a scrap of bloodied cloth left behind from one of the baby slayers, trying out a questioning rumble. Backup coming for you?

“I’m offended that you think I would answer that,” the slayer responded, nose upturned, “or any other monosyllabic interrogative questions, for that matter.”

Virgil growled low in his throat, frustration bubbling up. If he ditched the slayer here without backup, there was no guarantee that someone would find him before the morning came, and Virgil was relatively sure that the demon he’d just stabbed through wasn’t the only threat up here.

Not to mention the cold. He hadn’t thought the nights were cold enough to harm people yet, but demons seemed a lot more durable, and the slayer was shaking just slightly. He remembered the few times he’d had to sit out snowstorms while traveling back home up the mountain, and couldn’t help but feel sympathetic.

So, leaving the slayer behind to fend for himself wasn’t an option. That meant doing something insanely, dangerously stupid: taking the guy with him.

Precautions first, then. He was pretty good at hiding himself from other demons by now, but human scents were a lot more trackable.

Virgil scooped the slayer sword up off the ground by the hilt, grimacing at the burning sensation it emitted. The slayer’s jaw dropped.

“Hey! You can’t just take that!” he cried indignantly, starting off on a tirade about craftsmanship and integrity. His rant cut off sharply as Virgil raised the sword and brought it down on the queen’s neck.

His motions were stilted compared to anyone who actually knew how to use a sword, but it hardly mattered. The sun-blade cut through easily, decapitating her in one motion and leaving only ash behind. He took a moment to hope for the soul of whoever she’d been before being turned, and a longer moment for the weaver’s brother, who was surely dead. Exhaling lowly, he planted the sword blade-first in the dirt.

It was tempting to keep it; he’d certainly wished more than once for an easier way to deal with his adversaries than the bloody scraps he normally got in, but there was no way he was bringing a demon slayer and a demon killing sword with him. That was just asking for trouble.

“That demon did all the work in an honest fight against me, and yet it’s the backstabber turning against his own kind who actually gets to eat me? That’s sad, even for a demon,” the slayer bit out, still trying to inch his way back up into a standing position.

Virgil ignored his muttering and took a testing breath in through his mouth. The slayer was definitely bloodied, but most of the major injuries mustn’t have broken skin, because the smell wasn’t too bad. It probably helped that he’d managed to avoid being injured in this fight, and so didn’t have a desperate need to heal like normal. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t even need a nap to make up for it.

He reached out for the slayer’s collar, already mentally plotting out the most efficient way to a distant abandoned bear den when a piercing shriek sounded, and his vision was suddenly full of flapping feathers. He staggered a few steps back with a surprised yelp.

“No! Missus Fluffybottom, you beautiful fool!” the slayer cried out, sounding incredibly distraught.

Virgil swatted outwards and managed to catch his furious assailant on the second try, his hand easily big enough to grasp it. He drew it away from his face for inspection, and realized that the screaming and wriggling bundle of fluff was actually a young crow.

“Scourge! Fiend!” the crow yelled at him in a belligerent tone that was uncannily similar to the slayer’s. He blinked down at it, befuddled.

“Wait! Don’t hurt her,” the slayer said in the most subdued voice Virgil had heard from him all evening. He looked up and found that the slayer had managed to climb to his knees, but wasn’t struggling to move further. “She’s a simple bird, no threat to you. You’ve already got your prize, haven’t you?”

There was something uncomfortably desperate in his gaze, and Virgil realized with a start that the slayer absolutely believed he was about to kill his bird in cold blood. He opened his hand, bracing for another assault, but the crow kicked off and flew right to the slayer instead, nestling against his collarbone. “Roman, Roman, Ro-man!” it crooned.

“Get out of here, you finicky little fowl, go! Shoo!” the slayer-- Roman?-- commanded, to no avail. He glanced up at Virgil, lifting his good hand and turning his bad shoulder slightly as though to shield the little creature.

Virgil averted his eyes from the bird, hopefully conveying how much he didn’t care about her. If he had enough self control to not murder-kill people despite it being all monsters like him wanted to do, he wasn’t going to snap because a bird the size of his palm repeated some swears in his direction.

Back to business. He grabbed the back of the slayer’s outfit and pulled, hauling him up onto one shoulder like a sack of potatoes. … Or like a sack of other, non-food items. Virgil sighed through his nose. Whatever.

Roman sucked a breath in through his teeth as his injuries were jostled, and then immediately started squawking in protest upon realizing the indignity of his position. The crow-- apparently dubbed Fluffybottom-- repositioned herself to a perch on Roman’s calf and joined in on the complaints with her own raspy calls.

Virgil ignored them, already focusing on the trek ahead.

---

By the time they reached the cave, Roman had long stopped muttering creative obscenities under his breath.

The slayer might have actually fallen unconscious, but Virgil wasn’t going to jostle him around just to check. If he stopped focusing on their surroundings, he could easily hear Roman’s heart beating, the blood pumping beneath his skin, tantalizingly out of reach--

… He had mostly focused very hard on their surroundings. The point was, the slayer was definitely still alive, which meant him passing out during their travel was fine. Convenient, even.

It certainly made it easier to squat and carefully lower his body onto the cave floor without worrying about any sudden thrashing on Roman’s part. Laying flat on his back with only the slightest crumple to his brow, the guy looked a lot less intimidating. He was probably Virgil’s age, honestly.

He also looked unsettlingly corpse-like at the moment. Virgil considered for a moment, and then sidled over to Roman’s side, tugging his injured arm out of the curled up position it had taken. He carefully maneuvered it until it was straight out, forming a right angle with Roman’s side.

Then, he pulled, applying a slow, steady pressure. The misaligned bone shifted back into place with a sickening clunk, and Roman cried out as he regained consciousness. Virgil released him, and he instantly cradled the limb to his chest.

“What in the name of--,” he started, and then seemed to remember it all at once. Or the wave of pain from all those other injuries hit him all at once. One of the two.

Either way, he sagged back against the ground, squinting at Virgil suspiciously as he bustled around the small space. Missus Fluffybottom landed on his forehead, making him look even more ridiculous.

“I notice I am not devoured,” he finally spoke, almost conversational.

Virgil ignored him in favor of moving to arrange some firewood near the mouth of the cave.

“Not even a teensy bit,” Roman continued, making a show of inspecting himself for missing flesh.

Virgil continued to stack rocks around the wood. He was beginning to regret waking the slayer up, dislocated shoulder or not.

“Now, my silent saboteur, I want you to be honest. Are you planning to turn me into some sort of spider?” the slayer asked, and that was enough to finally make Virgil turn with an incredulous raised eyebrow.

“What?” Roman defended, pinkening. “That’s a real thing that a demon did to some people! And you seem... spider-y.”

Virgil scowled at the insulting way the comment was phrased. Spiders were cool and helpful and oh yeah, they didn’t annoyingly needle him while he was busy keeping them alive. He abandoned the fire to stalk closer and drop to a squat by Roman’s legs, dodging a wild kick easily. He pointedly tore a long swath of white fabric from the slayer’s overlayer.

“Hey! Do you even know how long embroidery like that takes--,” Roman cried, and Virgil smacked a hand over his mouth, drawing close and hissing quietly. The sound was close enough to a shush to get his point across, going by the way the slayer huffed indignantly but didn’t speak when Virgil pulled his hand away.

He did whine in protest when Virgil grabbed his injured arm, but then he went still and silent, like he thought any sudden movements would end with the whole limb removed. Virgil wrapped his forearm in the fabric, and then looped the extra around his shoulder, maneuvering him as painlessly as possible, and tied it off.

Roman’s silence suddenly felt distinctly different.

Virgil pulled him up into a sitting position by the front of his shirt, and tightened the knot slightly. The sling looked just about as good as could be expected, given the circumstances.

“You are actually a demon, aren’t you?”

Speech was one of those human things that Virgil still hadn’t recovered, but he thought that the sarcastic fang-bearing smile he directed at Roman spoke volumes all on its own.

“Then why are you tenderly nursing a demon slayer back to health?” he retorted, sounding bewildered and incredulous in equal measures.

Why are you pushing your luck? Virgil thought back, clicking his teeth in irritation and shoving the slayer back into a prone position.

Roman let out a high pitched wheeze, his good arm coming to cradle his ribs defensively. “Or not-so-tenderly, I suppose. The question stands!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and returned to the half-built fire. He’d pestered the only doctor in town for first aid lessons for months, he wasn’t going to stop practicing medicine just because of a little thing like being turned into a demon that craved human flesh.

To his surprise, the silence lingered as he worked, long enough that he turned and cast a suspicious glare over his shoulder at the slayer, who jolted nervously at his attention.

“Wh-what?” he asked, fiddling with the torn edges of his sling. “No escape attempts here, haha!”

“...” Virgil squinted at him and his blatant fake laugh for a long moment, trying to figure out just what was wrong with the scene.

Wait. Where was the bird?

A chill ran down his spine, and he twisted to stare at the mountainside beyond the cave entrance. No raspy-voiced baby crows in sight.

It had to have gone for help, knowing exactly where Virgil and its slayer had holed up. Roman knew he’d realized it, was watching him with the wary expectancy of a cornered hare in front of a trapper.

A surge of furious panic did bubble up in the back of Virgil’s mind, but he quelled it with relative ease.

If backup was coming, then the human was no longer his problem.

Pleased at the neat way the situation had resolved itself, Virgil tapped two fingers to his temple in a gesture of farewell and scrambled out the cave, scaling the cliff face and resolving to put as much distance between himself and this region as possible.

With any luck, he’d never run into that particular slayer again.

[anime-alyssa]

purple scars. (d ragnvindr x reader)

i posted this on ao3 and forgot to move it here - so you get it super long and not 2 in parts. i’m thinking of continuing this, maybe?

thanks for reading and the support! i’m working on a xiao rn hopefully i can get my shit together 

warning: contains some emotional trauma, implied r*pe but nothing is overly graphic. the second half is smut, separated by stars if thats what you want to skip to. 

The bitter cold of Dragonspire finally started to fade away as you crossed over the bridge back into Mondstat for the first time in 10 years. You were bundled up to the extreme, having prepared for the cold, your sword on your back and jacket heavy on your shoulders. Your sword and your jacket were all you managed to steal away before you were able to escape your homeland, Inazuma. You were still dressed in the encampment clothes, your ID number splayed across the chest of the shirt and the boots too big for your feet.

You hadn’t wanted to be gone for 10 years - you wanted to only be gone for a few, to get your Electro under control. But when Baal placed borders around the country and started hunting down anyone with a Vision, life had become a living hell. You were placed in a prison camp and locked away from society shortly after, tortured beyond anything imaginable just for being born with a Vision. The only thing that kept you alive was the hope that one day, if you had gotten strong enough, you would be able to escape Inazuma to head back to Diluc, and Mondstat - were you really felt at home. 

Diluc Ragnvindr was a mystery to everybody, except for you. You found yourself more often than not sneaking onto Dawn Winery’s premises when his father was not around and exploring each other’s bodies, like the horny teens that you had been. Sometimes you thought you could still feel the ghost of his fingertips on your skin at night - and tried to imagine that it was him when the Bakufu would do unspeakable things to you and the other prisoners. It was painful, and left you scarred - would Diluc even want you?

It had been 10 years - you had last seen him when you were merely 16 and he was entering the Knights of Favonius. The two of you fell in love as teenagers - no one expected it to be anything beyond that, but the two of you were convinced otherwise at the time. For you, it was still the same - you thought of Diluc every single day while you were in Inazuma. You could remember the day like it was yesterday - his heartbroken eyes, the cries you let out as you told him that you would be leaving, the way he held onto you. 

“I’ll be back - I promise - I just - I need help that I can’t get here.” you sobbed into his chest. The Pyro users warmth was all around you as he held you in his room at Dawn Winery, his father out for the night, leaving the two of you bare in his bed.

“You better come back, or else I’ll go to Inazuma myself to get you.” his eyes looked down at you and your heart broke at the sight of him - Diluc was never a vulnerable person, but right now he was. One of his thumbs stroked your tears away on your cheeks as his lips peppered kisses up your neck. “I will never forget you. Ever.” 

“Neither will I.” you said with a gasp, as Diluc had given you a night to never forget. 

You had officially reached the other side of the bridge - the cold gone away and the warmth coming back to you. You thought about taking the jacket off, now way too hot with it on, but you didn’t want people to know where you had come from. You didn’t want their pity. There was a small camp with other adventurers and travelers around, the chef offering you food for free before you went on your way. It didn’t do much for you to quell the aching hunger you had and the shaky legs - you weren’t really the best fed and had been surviving off of fruit from trees. In short, you were in no condition to be traveling, clearly sickly and unwell. But you were not stopping now - you couldn’t. Not after all that you had overcome. You hadn’t forgotten about him. 

A series of snarls from the side of you caused you to jump as you saw about four hilichurls coming right for you. You shrugged the jacket off and grabbed your sword, standing your guard as the monsters attacked. You fought them tooth and nail until your vision all but blacked out - you had hit the ground and heard someone calling for you. 

“Hello? Wake up - Lumine - she needs help! Hey, wait - that’s an Inazuma camp uniform!” a high-pitched voice said to you. Your vision slowly came back as you saw a floating - fairy? You didn’t know what she was - but she was floating above you looking concerned next to a young blonde teenager. “Are you okay?” 

“I - I don’t know. Need food - water - Di -” you managed to weakly say, feeling your world spin around you. The blonde teenager ran to the water source across from you - a lake? - to get you a drink of water as the fairy thing fished out something for you to eat. You felt like you were going to die - you were starving, dehydrated, but Diluc, you needed to get to Diluc.

“Here’s some water! Drink this, please.” she said to you kindly. You took the cup and quickly chugged the water, then taking the offered food. “My name is Lumine, and this is Paimon.” You gave them your name back, as they seemed trustworthy, as they sat down next to you and watched you. Paimon looked at you with sad eyes, seeing your uniform.

“Thank you very much. It’s been…. a while since I ate anything. All I have is this.” you said to them, continuing to eat. You were already feeling better, but by the way they were looking at you, you could tell that you were still quite a sight.

“You’re welcome - did you escape Inazuma? Paimon and Lumine were actually trying to find a way to sneak in.” Paimon had announced to you. You froze on the spot and looked up to them.

“What - no. Don’t go there. It’s dangerous - the camps - ” You felt panic start to bubble in your chest, your heart-rate increasing and breathing becoming staggered at the flashes of memories that flooded your mind. Paimon started calling out to you again, trying to calm you. She and Lumine had started to talk amongst themselves, looking at you trying to calm yourself as they made attempts to as well. You tried to remember Diluc - what you could of him, and slowly you were able to calm down. “I’m sorry - it’s just - it’s awful. I was there for 10 years, I was a prisoner.” You sat in an awkward silence before Paimon spoke up again. 

“Hey - Paimon remembers that when you were talking earlier, you almost sounded like you were saying someone’s name.” she said to you. 

“I’m - I’m looking for Diluc Ragnvindr of Mondstat - the Knights - or Dawn Winery - I don’t know where he is, actually. When I left, he was joining the Knights.” you said to them with a sudden hope that you hadn’t felt in years. Even in your journey, you hadn’t felt hopeful. There was always the chance of the Bakufu finding you and bringing you back or dying. But suddenly, you felt some hope. 

“Oh - Master Diluc! Paimon didn’t know he used to be with the Knights of Favonius - that explains why he dislikes them so much now - but he does run Dawn Winery now!” Paimon said, floating happily. She paused for a moment - then looked like some gears had clicked in her head. “Wait a minute - you’re Master Diluc’s lost love!!”

“His what?” You asked. Lost love? Was that what the rumor was? But wait - if there was even a rumor, that meant there was potential that he still cared about you - still thought of you. 

“What Paimon means to say is that Kaeya told us stories about when Diluc was… not like he is now. That he used to be much happier - and it was because of you.” the blonde traveler said to you. 

“What - what do you mean? He’s changed?” You wanted to slap yourself - obviously he changed, it’s been years. But they made it seem like he was completely different - and he left the Knights? When Diluc was younger it was all he wanted to do, so he could protect people and help them. What had changed? You assumed you would find out. 

“Paimon thinks we should take you to him to find out - Kaeya made it seem like you knew him better than anyone, so you would know more. Let’s go check Dawn Winery to see if he is there!” she said happily. You gave her a nod as you shakily stood up, feeling like you had a little bit more energy and walked with the traveler and her companion. 

You learned about her on the way there. She woke up on the beach with no memory, but knew she was not from Tevyat. Her twin brother was missing and she was in search of The Seven to see if maybe that would be a way for her to find him, which explained why she wanted to go to Inazuma despite your warnings. But, she was Vision-less - a fact that shocked you as you could have sworn you vaguely remember her using Anemo during the fight. That little factoid made you feel a little better. 

As you approached Dawn Winery, your stomach started twisting into knots. All of your anxieties came flooding back - would Diluc even want you still? Would he be appalled at the state of you? Would he be able to handle the extra baggage you came with now? Your mind reeled at Paimon babbled on about how maybe you would be good for Diluc to be happy, and how she was looking forward to the food the winery always had for them. You felt yourself fidgeting with the jacket, having put it back on to cover your uniform. 

You saw his red hair from a mile away and froze in your steps. He had gotten taller, but god he looked the same. He pulled his hair back like he always had, muscles built out over the years. He couldn’t see you yet, talking to someone else across from him at the entrance of the winery. Lumine stayed by your side, the teenager having a big heart and concerned. However, Paimon floated on over to him. 

“Master Diluc! Master Diluc! Paimon and Lumine have someone who was looking for you!” she said excitedly. You couldn’t help but admire the creature’s happiness, despite your nerves. You and Lumine walked forward as Diluc turned around - eyes going wide seeing you. Your breath hitched in your throat as you two made eye contact. It felt like all air in your lungs had just disappeared and you were unable to breathe. 

Diluc slowly stepped towards you at first, not being able to believe his eyes. You could tell he was taking you in, observing your features and you to make sure that it really was you. You didn’t blame him for taking his time - you were unrecognizable from before. Your features had thinned out due to the years of neglect from the Bakufu, eyes sunken slightly inward and skin paled. You saw a flash of doubt flash in his eyes - or at least that’s what your brain wanted you to think - and you let out a sob. That seemed to do it for him as Diluc ran over to you in a flash, pushing anybody out of his way to wrap his arms around you. 

It finally felt like you were home, in Diluc’s arms as he held you. More sobs wrecked your now trembling body, overcome with emotion as tears spilled onto his clothing. His grip on you was snug, but not too tight, treating you like you were glass and frail. He was warm, as he always was, while he held onto you like you’d disappear into thin air if he let go. You felt your knees give out, exhaustion starting to hit you, Diluc picking you up to support you. You tried to say something - to say anything to him, but the shaking and the exhaustion was becoming to much and eventually, you blacked out in his arms. 

——

You woke up on a comfortable bed - so comfortable it almost didn’t feel right. You were sunk into one side with the blankets over you, body bare underneath. Had Diluc been the one to take your clothes off - did he see your scars? Your body suddenly felt good - there was no aching, you suddenly felt healthy? If that was the word for it. You shuffled in the bed, making an attempt to sit up, before you were promptly pushed back down. 

“Lay down - please.” Diluc spoke to you. You turned your gaze over to him, laying next to you, half asleep and half dressed. You covered yourself underneath the blankets as he threw an arm over you, pulling you close to him despite trying to hide. “Don’t do that. Stop trying to hide from me.”

“Diluc - I’m - I’m not the same.” you stammered out. You felt his fingers dance over your bare skin and you gasped, instinctively jumping back. He retreated his touch upon seeing this, examining you again. “I’m sorry.”

“What did they do to you?” he asked. Panic bubbled inside of you once more as you tried to find the words to speak. You wanted to tell him everything. He deserved to know everything if he was still going to be with you. But for some reason, you couldn’t find the words. “Did the Bafuku do this - give you these?” His fingers grazed over the discolored scars on your body, purple marks from Electro attacks embedded into your skin forever. 

“Yes - they would - they punished us when we fought back. All of us - but the females - they would - they’d come at night - ” Diluc let out a low snarl, understanding what you were implying without actually having to say it. “I tried to imagine it was you. Thinking of you is the only thing that kept me alive most days. It was awful - once Baal placed the orders to capture everyone with Visions, they found me in days. The painful part was that I was right at Liyue’s border - I was so close to getting out. That’s when I got this one.” You lifted your left arm, pointing to a series of purple numbers on your wrist. 

“I don’t want to hear where they came from. It only makes me angrier that the damn Knights of Favonius didn’t even try to do anything to help.” Diluc said, cautiously wrapping a bare arm around you, testing the waters. You allowed him the contact - knowing that you were safe. You were safe with Diluc. You just needed to convince your brain the same thing, which would take time that he didn’t seem to mind. “It’s the middle of the night, let’s go back to bed. You need rest.” he said to you. 

You gave Diluc a quick nod as you found yourself inching closer to his chest, resting your head on him. He was warm, as always, wrapping his arms completely around you and pulling you onto him. He never used to be one who liked someone on top of him, even you, and you had respected that - but now it seems like he wasn’t going to ever let you go again. 

You didn’t mind as you attempted to fall into a dreamless sleep - but you were unlucky. Diluc was out in five minutes flat, but every time you tried to close your eyes flashes of the past would come back to haunt you. You weren’t sure if you got a wink of rest at all, until you found Diluc looking down at you, the sun out behind him. Your throat was dry and your face was wet. Had you had a nightmare? You weren’t sure if you had, since you weren’t even sure if you had fallen asleep at all.

“It’s just me - you’re okay. You were having a nightmare, I think.” he said, trying to say it in his calmest voice he could possibly muster. You blinked up at him confused. 

“I - I don’t remember.” you said sadly, racking your brain to see if you could remotely remember, but having no such luck. Your brain was telling you that it didn't want you to remember, you think.

“You were screaming in your sleep. Almost shocked me, actually.” he said, throwing a light-hearted chuckle in at the end. You were not amused though, staring at him with wide eyes as you sat up slowly.

“I did? Are you okay?” you asked him. He looked at you like you had ten heads, confusing you until he spoke next.

“What - are you okay?”

“I think that answer is obvious enough.” You replied plainly. Diluc’s hand went to your chin, bringing your gaze to match his. His thumb lovingly and gently ran across your jawline, and you instinctively leaned into his touch. Slowly, you climbed up onto his lap, and he allowed you the comfort. “I think - I think I’ll be okay now, though. It’s just going to take some time.” You nuzzled yourself back into his chest as he hugged you snuggly, a hum leaving his lips. 

“I’ll be here with you until it is, I swear it.” Diluc pressed a soft kiss on your forehead and you knew then that he meant it just like he did 10 years before.

*********************************************************************************

Slowly but surely, you started to heal, and it was all thanks to Diluc. The nightmares started to slowly fade away and with time, you were feeling happy again. You lived with him at Dawn Winery and took on some responsibilities to earn your keep (though Diluc always insisted that you didn’t need to do so), like helping the staff keep the place running and making sure that Diluc was on time to everything he needed to be. Which was a challenge, especially once you started to feel like your old self again (or what you could of your old self). 

“One of these days, Charles is going to quit and then you’ll be stuck!” you said to him from on top of his desk, his lips on your neck as you let out a sigh. You weren’t quite mentally ready for much more intimacy, and he was okay with that, but you slowly had become re-accustomed to more touches. Diluc was letting you take the reins for what you were ready for and what you weren’t. 

“He threatens to quit every day. He never does.” Diluc spoke against your skin, grunting as you finally pushed him away - and just in time, as Charles walked in to look for him. You hopped off and ran to find Adeline to see if she needed any help. Later on that day, you saw Charles again and he said that Diluc had been in a particularly angry mood for the past few hours. With a sigh, you had hunted him down, finding him in your bedroom. 

“What’s wrong? Charles is going around saying you’re angry.” you said to him. Your partner let out a scoff as he turned back around to you, your eyes immediately going to his middle. You bit back a laugh. 

“Don’t.” he hissed through gritted teeth, face burning as you stepped closer to him. 

“It’s like you’re sixteen again.” you said with a small giggle. Before he could protest, you had him backed against the wall and his pants shoved down, solving the problem yourself. Charles saw you before he left for the night and had said Diluc was in a much better mood the rest of the day. 

You had found out about Diluc’s night-time hero work as The Darknight Hero a week or two after you had returned. Originally, you fought him tooth and nail against it, for selfish reasons - but once he explained what had happened to him over the past 10 years, you gave it a rest and let him go on. With the death of his father and everything that had happened with the Knights and his brother afterward, you almost couldn’t blame him. 

He had put a pause on it when you came back, but people started to talk and worry, and the Abyss Order picked up on it. He had to begin it again, and you worried every single night. Tonight in particular, he had been gone almost all night, and you were starting to worry. It was an hour or two more than what he was usually out, and you were alone in the Winery with your thoughts. To make things worse, it was storming outside so you couldn’t go out to look for him even if you wanted to. 

A crack of thunder caused panic to rush through your chest - it sounded too much like Bakufu punishment for your comfort. You were snuggled under blankets, bringing your knees to your chest as you tried to push the memories away - another crack making an involuntary whimper leave your lips as the shakes came on. You hadn’t panicked like this in months - but the conditions of the storm and Diluc being gone for longer than he said brought it on, and you were nearly unable to control it. 

The door opened and you jumped, not paying any mind to whoever it was that walked through the door as you fought to keep the memories at bay - flashes of them coming through in segments. You heard a curse and then running as you steadied some of your breathing, a hand coming to your face and forcing you to look at your lover. He wrapped his arm around you and brought you close to him, letting you soak up his warmth. 

“You’re okay - you’re okay.” Diluc chanted to you softly. You nodded against his chest as you wrapped yourself around him back, his hand gently rubbing your back. He was right - you were okay. “I tried to get back as soon as I could after the weather rolled in, I’m sorry it took so long.” he apologized from above you. 

“It’s okay.” you mumbled into him.

“No it’s not. I know how it gets - I should have known better.” he pressed a kiss to your hair after he spoke, guilt starting to rise up. Diluc had been overly cautious when it came to you since your return - within days he had memorized anything that sent you into a panic and was there to prevent it from happening. Until today, that is, hence the guilt. You let out a sigh as you relaxed into him. 

“I know you want to protect me, but you can’t always do it, on top of everything else. I’ll be okay.” you said to him, taking your head out of his chest and bringing your lips to his. 

He slowly reciprocated once his mind caught up to his body - realizing that you were initiating, something that hadn’t happened yet since you came back. His arms around you tightened as the kiss became deeper and more passionate, from a tiny little peck to open mouthed pants. Diluc was almost struggling to keep up with you, mind telling him to slow down for you but body betraying him, his need for you coming to the surface. 

Diluc almost lost his mind when he had dragged you closer to him and heard a soft moan leave your lips as you landed on top of the tent in his pants. The moan seemed to be the signal that flipped the switch in Diluc’s head, as he flipped the two of you over, placing your back on the mattress as he towered above you. 

“Are - are you sure?” Diluc asked, needing your complete consent before he went any further. A selfish part of him was hoping you’d say yes, but if you were to say no, he’d have no problem getting off you right now and going on with his night. It was all about if you were ready. 

“Yes. Please Diluc.” you said back quietly. It was his turn to let out a moan at your begging for him as his lips went to your neck, softly leaving pecks up and down both sides. 

“You tell me if anything - anything - is too much.” he spoke against your skin, coming back up to make sure that you understood. Diluc felt his cock twitch in his pants seeing your blissed out face, lust clouded over you from him. You let out a weak nod before he went back down with more vigor, sucking marks into your neck for all to see.

Fighting back wasn’t a thought in your mind as your body grew hot, clothes suddenly feeling restricting and your core in need of some friction. You hadn’t needed anybody in years, but right now, you needed him. Everything felt so right as his gloved fingertips pushed your shirt off your body, exposing your chest to him. The cool air made you shiver, but was soon replaced with the warmth of Diluc’s mouth pressing open-mouthed kisses to all the skin he could reach. 

You managed to get Diluc to shrug his jacket off once you started to push it over his shoulders, pulling at his gloves next and discarding those. His mouth went back to its attack on your chest, finding one of your breasts and gently beginning to tug. A moan left your mouth as you tried to remember that your next mission was to get his shirt off. Your body was giving into him more and more as sparks of pleasure started to zoom through your veins and down to your core, slick starting to pool. 

“Diluc…” you moaned out his name lustfully, spurring him on more. He pulled away from your nipple with a pop, panting as he almost ripped the rest of his shirt off his arms before going back down to pay attention to the other nipple. You continued to cry out, twisting underneath him as you filled with more and more need. 

You felt his hands moving down your stomach, one resting on your hip while the other tucked under the waistband of your pants. For a moment, your mind started to reel and your heart raced - flashes of the past coming in. You were able to remember that you were with Diluc - you were safe, and you wanted him. Diluc noticed, immediately popping off you and gazing up at you. 

“Should I - ”

“Don’t you dare stop.” you said, cutting him off. Throwing your arms around his neck, you brought his lips down to meet yours as he quickly continued what he was doing. Fingers dipped between your folds slowly, toying with your sensitive bud and making you moan against his mouth. With a small grunt back, Diluc slid two of his fingers into you slowly, beginning to pump. You sighed out his name as your hips ground into him, his lips moving back towards your neck as he panted against you. 

“You’re so fucking perfect, baby.” he breathed against you, hips rutting against your thigh. You used your free hands to push your pants off, kicking them down your legs and leaving you completely exposed. The purple scars on your body reflected with the lightning outside the window and the candle light on the bedside while your body twitched with desire. Another moan left your lips as his fingers curled up into you, his thumb circling your bud making your walls tremble. “I need you. I need you.” he chanted into your neck, trying to use his freehand to fumble with his pants to push them down. 

“Diluc…” you moaned as you started to meet his pumps, fucking yourself on his fingers trying to chase a high that you felt coming. 

“I need to be inside you. Let me - I need it.” he stammered, continuing to finger fuck you until you said yes. You let out a cry as you felt yourself nearing the edge, body hot and sweat collecting on your skin. “Please baby - let me - ”

“Diluc, yes - fuck - ” As soon as the words left your mouth, he pulled his fingers out of you and finished pulling his pants down, kicking them off and letting them fall to the floor. You let out a whine at the loss before Diluc leaned down to kiss you again, gently using his knees to spread your legs wider and his hand that was in you to line his cock up with you. Nerves started to kick in ever so slightly, surpassing the need as you spoke out. “Be - slow - please.” you managed to say. 

“Of course.” he said back, putting his lips back on yours as Diluc pushed the head of his cock into your hole. He let out a moan into your mouth, checking your face for any signs of discomfort before pushing in more. A whine left your lips at the feeling of being split open - it had been so long since you had someone inside of you that it almost felt like the first time again. Diluc pressed kisses to you, as some form of a distraction, as he continued to seethe himself inside until eventually, he was all the way in. “Okay?” he asked, bringing his gaze back up to yours. Diluc looked like he was absolutely holding back, restraining himself because you had asked. His face was red and he was panting above you already, heart racing with desire. 

“Ye - yeah.” you said back to him. He let out a groan before he kissed you again, not moving inside just yet. His lips were warm against yours, swollen from all of the other kisses he had given you so far. Diluc wrapped his arms around you and brought you close to him, pressing your bodies together as you felt your need re-awaken. Your body was on edge, having him inside you but not moving - and you needed him yet again. “Diluc - you can move - please.” you begged. 

“Fuck, yes.” he groaned into your mouth as slowly he started to rock his hips into yours, cock sliding in and out of you with ease. When he started moving, everything from before fully woke up again and you felt your muscles start to tense up, gripping onto his shoulders desperately as your moans started to fill the air. He took that as signal to start going faster and eventually, he started thrusting harder, with more purpose. A cry left your lips at the change of pace, feeling your body react by trying to move your hips to meet his. 

“Faster Diluc - please faster.” you cried out. Your lover let out a loud moan at your plea, hiking your legs over his shoulders as he fucked into you harder, cock curving up inside you and hitting the spot that had you crying out his name. You started to shake under him, a warmth pooling in you that felt like it was about to bubble over. Diluc took your lips in his again, drinking up your moans as he pounded himself into you, the bed creaking and the sound of his hips meeting yours filling the room. You felt his cock growing harder inside of you with every thrust, your resolve close to breaking. “D - Diluc - Diluc!” you cried, tears streaming down your cheeks as pleasure started to overcome you. 

“So good - you’re so good to me - so - perfect - fuck!” he said to you in a haze, a wanton moan leaving his lips as he felt your walls start to flutter around his cock. You let out a cry as you felt yourself nearly there - the pressure was bubbling and you were about to snap as the length of Diluc’s cock hit you right every time, his moans music to your ears and making your insides shutter. “Ah - ah - come for me, baby - come for me!” Diluc begged, now chasing a release by making you get to yours. You let out a whine - feeling yourself getting towards that edge - then a scream, feeling Diluc bring his hand down between your bodies to start rubbing at your clit. “Fuck you’re gonna - come - come!” he moaned. 

“Diluc - Diluc - I’m - fuck!” you screamed out his name as white hot pleasure took over your body, feeling your walls finally clench down on him inside of you. Your eyes rolled into the back of your heard as you kept moaning, body arching against his and core still convulsing as Dilic continued to fuck you, now with a pace near brutal that had your orgasm being wrung out, overstimulation nearing. “Di - Diluc - ” you stammered as his fingers rubbed harder on your spent nub. 

“Fuck - I’m - I’m gonna cum - so hard - inside - baby - ” Diluc let out one last loud moan as his hips slapped against yours, his cock twitching inside of you as his seed buried itself deep. He let out moans as he bucked his hips up into you, your twitching core milking his cock as he all but collapsed on top of you. “Fuck -” he breathed out into your neck, dragging your hips close again so he could keep pumping his high in your body. 

You felt spent - exhausted. Eventually, you felt his cock stop twitching inside of you and Diluc pulled out, collapsing next to you. He brought the blankets over your bodies and pulled you close to him, pressing kisses to your temple. 

“Are you okay?” he asked you. You turned to look at him, eyes wide with concern. You gave him a smile and pressed a kiss to his lips. Even after all that, he was still worried about you. You could argue that's what you loved most about him - that under the facade of not caring, he cared a lot - he was an emotional guy. 

“More than okay.” you said back to him. He let out a hum as his hand trailed down to your abdomen - the area where you had the most scars from the Bakufu. Suddenly, you got what he was saying. 

“I - well - I came inside. Are you sure?” he asked again. You didn’t really think about that in the moment, honestly. You weren’t sure how you felt about that one hundred percent - but you knew that you didn’t entirely mind it. You had gone through hell to get back with him because you wanted to be with him - you wanted to be with him completely. 

“Yeah. I’m sure - I want to be with you, Diluc. That means… everything.” you said back. He nodded back down to you as he kissed you again, keeping his hand on you down below. When he stopped, he pressed your forehead to his lovingly.

“To everything.”

[roses-ruby]

Come home to me...Darling

Jimin x Female Reader (+ Jungkook & Mystery Member)

Ao3 Link

Part 2 of 2 (Part 1)

Genre: Cheating!AU, angst, smut (masturbation and fingering, both female), fluff

Warnings: Masturbation, Fingering, Infidelity, Cursing, Sad, Low self esteem, Mentions of a panic attack, Jimin’s a jerk :(

Word Count: 29,555

Summary: Jimin cheats and you try to make him stay. But whatever you do, it’s never enough.

Tag: @some-random-stranger-007​

A/N: it is finally out now I can go yeet myself into the lake of fire never to return. Can you believe i almost lost this? ahahahaha the level of clownery. Anyway I hate it, so let me know what you think of it. Thank you to @meuurtrierr​ it wouldn’t be possible without her. Edited but I know I missed some shit, also I skimped on the warnings cuz i dont remember what else skskssk do let me know babes mwah Enjoy!

Mondays are the worst.

It’s not enough that you needed to skim through the employee evaluation files in the next 2 hours, but a grueling headache had somehow found a way to attach itself into your brain. Even blinking was painful. You weren’t able to do anything but stare at your desk with little to no energy present in your build. There was a dull lull in the room, and you felt suffocated in your stuffy office. When one of the open file’s papers flutters in front of you is when you manage to snap out of dreamland. Peeking at the desk right outside your office, you let out a sigh of relief at finding the space empty. Finally, you could get up and do something about this headache as well as pour some caffeine into your body.

Usually Yura would gleefully grab it for you, but you felt awkward around her since that day and hadn’t asked anything of her since. It was a bit silly, you don’t know why you were avoiding her exactly. Most likely it was due to not trying out her therapist suggestion yet. But it wasn’t like she was forcing you and it also wasn’t that you didn’t want to go…you were just unsure. You were scared. An unfamiliar person, poking and prodding at you – at your life. Finding and pulling out all the faults in you like weed. Judging you. Your habit of overthinking had already made you fit irrational scenarios inside your head of your ‘sessions’ and how awful they would end up being.

This irrationality also embarrassed you and led you into avoiding Yura.

In a nimble pace, you quickly make your way into the center office filled with cubicles. From there you speedily step your way into the breakroom. Thankfully, it was also empty. It wasn’t like coming here wasn’t unusual for you – you had been in here before you were promoted, albeit just a bit. You weren’t the most extroverted person, and people seemed to always be creating some forms of conversation in here. Which scared you into staying in your cubicle until certain timestamps where you found it vacant. Sighing, you walk to the coffee maker in the corner of the room to find it barren, and you heave a groan as you gather your ingredients for coffee. You didn’t want to stay here in case of running into someone, but life was making everything harder for you as usual. Watching as the coffee hits the pot in the coffee maker, you think back to last night.  

Jimin never made it back home throughout that whole day. That had become a usual occurrence, but it really hit you hard this time because you were aching to sort things out after the clash you both faced. There was a restless ache in your stomach, which you’re sure was the cause in you turning sick today. Last night you had caught the exact moment Jimin figured out that you knew about him and her, his aura completely morphing into something between docile and tense. After he left, you couldn’t sleep for hours, tossing and turning and just waiting for him to come home. The scene kept replaying in your mind and you kept analyzing certain aspects, wishing you had said something better or acted in a compromising manner rather than driving him away. But then he never showed up and you were too afraid to call him back to you. If you went to voicemail yet again, you felt you would go insane.

Though you pondered where he was with exhausted efforts, a dreadful thought told you that you already knew, you just didn’t want to accept it. You hoped it wasn’t true. That he wouldn’t be with Tina – not after last night. Maybe…he was crashing at Jin’s place? …Wait, why didn’t you think of him sooner? Jin, his best friend since he moved to the city, would know where he is! Friends are considered confidantes, aren’t they? It wouldn’t hurt to inquire s few things from Jin, he was always a sweet man. But you didn’t want to force Jimin back to you or anything of the sort, you just wanted to know if he was ok. Hopefully he’ll realize how much you need him, hopefully he’ll come back home to you on his own accord. You were going to give him some time to think, then he’ll surely be back by that day, right?

Hopefully.

As you pour the coffee into your mug, the door creeks open and a citrusy cologne fills the air which pulls you out of your thoughts as you stiffen. Great. Carefully, you turn to see the culprit to be a tall man yawning loudly and stretching his arms while walking towards you. It alarms you that he’s moving straight at you without even realizing, but you don’t make an effort to move. Which ends up with him crashing into you slightly-

“Oh, whoa,” He says as his eyes fly open and he holds onto the small of your back with his warm hand, “Sorry about that, didn’t notice anyone was here!”

No kidding.

Now that he wasn’t scrunching up his expression, you could properly take in his appearance. He had such a soft and youthful face, big doe eyes that seemed to be lit with stars. Everything about him was so round, his nose, his cheeks, his small mouth. Jet black hair covered his forehead and compared to his boyish features, the muscles protruding from his white button up were anything but soft. You felt bad for his shirt, which was straining to hold itself together. There was a small scar on his left cheek, yet another mark amplifying his young features. He seemed to be observing you as well, his eyes a tad bit larger and his hand still on your back.

You clear your throat and straighten your back, looking away from him to the floor.

Breaking out of his daze he retracts his hand immediately, “Oh, sorry!”

That’s when he notices the mug in your hand, then turning to the coffee maker he beams,

“Hey, did you make a fresh brew? That’s awesome, Thanks!”

“It’s no problem.” You say in a small voice

At the moment you desired no conversation with anyone. It felt as if once the tiniest amount of sympathy is thrown in your direction, you become a puddle of pudding into the persons hand. Instead, what you really wanted to do was to stop feeling so weak. Stop relying on them to hold you together, because people leave. Jimin left. Left you to melt into the ground without looking back.  

Right now, you just wanted to be left alone.

But the boy in front of you did not seem to be good at detecting facial cues.  

“Umm…do you work here?” He asks you, and you give him a confused look, “I-I mean, I’ve never seen you around…but it must be because I just started here last week, I’m a new recruit.”

Yura mentioned something about that, but you never actually got a chance to look through the profiles since the Jimin fiasco.

“Is that it?” He asks again, “Are you a new recruit as well?”

“Um...” You wondered how to properly tell the boy that you were his boss. The reason he hasn’t seen you before is because you rarely come out of your office. Unless there’s a big meeting.

“Then you must’ve started today, huh?” He says, a smile on his face displaying his teeth…his bunny teeth. Adorable. “We’re in the same boat then! If you ever need anything, just let me know!”

The expression on him was so pleased, you didn’t have the heart to decline. Didn’t have the heart to walk away or disregard him. So, you just stood there as he introduced himself.

“My name’s Jungkook by the way.”

“_-___.” You respond shyly

“___,” He repeats to himself, scratching the back of his head, “That’s a beautiful name.” He gives you a look that has you blushing as you mumble out a ‘thank you.’  

It was so natural then.

You don’t know how it happened, but you were suddenly thrown into a conversation with your company’s most enthusiastic employee, Jeon Jungkook. At first, you were worried a bit by how young he looks, yet it turned out he was only two years younger than you – and he refused to believe you were older, the brat. He stood there explaining how things work around the office, telling you tall tales about some of the ‘haunted’ conference rooms and scary coworkers to which you were enthralled by, despite being here way longer than him. You found yourself giggling every time he exaggerated a story with his words or eyes.

“So ___, how do you like it here so far?”

“It’s nice,” You respond vaguely, taking another sip of your coffee, “How about you?”

“They really work you to the bone! But I like it, they’re fair with the salary and the donuts here are always so good.” Jungkook beams widely while reaching over to grab one of the chocolate glazed donuts off from the small white box next to the coffee maker.

“Heard the CEO’s batshit though” He says with a mouthful

At that you let out a snort – almost spilling some of your coffee from your mouth, which leads you into covering it with your hand and coughing. It was true, she was a little strange.

“Oops.” Jungkook responds with a mischievous glint in his eye. In return you squint your eyes at him in mock anger as you let out your last cough. He reaches over again and grabs another donut from the box. You wish he would stop doing that, his arm radiated a lot of heat and you were going crazy trying to ignore his scent. Pulling out a second donut, this one with pink frosting and dark red glaze decorated in a zig-zag pattern, he hands it out to you.

“Here,” He says with his bunny teeth displayed.

You give it a long stare before taking it, “Thank you.”

“It’s a peace offering.”

“I see.” You eye the sugary dough and the colorful star sprinkles sticking into the frosting, “Interesting choice.”

“It’s cause that one was pretty.” He pouts

“You gave me a donut because you found it pretty?” You raise an eyebrow at him

Scoffing at your tone, he leans into the countertop and fold his arms, displaying his biceps up in your face. Damn those arms. “And what about it.”

“Nothing,” you giggle, “Just that normal people would give pretty flowers or pretty letters and not…fried dough.”

Jungkook turns silent at that, turning his face toward the ceiling as if in thought. He was making an odd expression, one with his eyebrows drawn in and lips pulled straight, you wondered if this was normally how his face was while thinking. It was kind of funny. But also, very cute.

“You’re right.” He suddenly says

“Hmm?”

“I should get you flowers.”

“…And where would you find flowers in an industrial urban structure?”

To this he removes himself off the counter and turns to you, his height and muscles intimidated you a bit. He was definitely taller than Jimin. “Is that a challenge?”

“Maybe it is.” You say in a low voice, maintaining direct eye contact

“Alright then ___, we may be new here (you internally cringe as he says this) but I bet you I can find you some pretty flowers lurking about in this stale glass cube of a building.”

You laugh at how serious he got – the fiery glint in his eyes, and raise out a hand, “And I bet you won’t!”

Being here three years had taught you quite a lot about this location. The lower floors contained a computer enterprise, and the upper floors remained a basic accounting firm. Grass surrounding the building was patchy and dry thanks to the summer heat. Also, your CEO had a strict pollen allergy, so keeping things like vases to fill with freshly cut daisies in or around the residence was impossible. There was no way he would was going to find any flowers here. It was a bit sad how much you knew about this place, being the only other dwelling you hung out in other than your home. But on the bright side, you were totally gonna win this bet.

“What do I get if I win?” You question as he shakes your hand. Heat immediately shoots down your spine at his touch and you block yourself from shivering by clenching your teeth…he had a very firm grip.

“I’ll be your servant for a week.” He pipes making you raise your brows as you shape your mouth into an ‘o.’ “And what If I win?”

“Hmm…” You hadn’t thought of that because you didn’t think there was any way he could.

“How about if I win, I get your number?”

…

Huh?

Tilting your head, you scrunch your brows. “…Why would you want my number?”  

That confused you.

He gave you a wide eye stare. Did you really just say that? Perhaps you were playing hard to get? Yes…that must be it. No need to feel embarrassed. She didn’t reject you he thinks abashed. While you on the other hand were clueless to his fretful appearance.

“…Um.” Jungkook clears his throat looking down at his shoes. Wait…were Timblands allowed in the uniform? “Just cause.” He mumbles

You dwell on it for a second. You’ve never gave your number to a guy before. It can’t hurt, right? Besides he wasn’t going to win anyway.

“Well, alright.”

He grins at your approval, and you giggle in return. Was he the cutest man, or what?

“You know…you’re very pretty when you laugh.” He says abruptly and that makes you completely drop your mouth. His face flushes and that’s when you notice he still had your hand in his. The sudden awareness makes you pull it back at lightning speed. You try to speak again, but somehow the sound was knocked out of you and the room feels very, very, very, very warm for some reason.  

“I- I should prob-” You point over your shoulder, slowly backing away from the doe-eyed man. “I have work.”

“A-alright…” He scratches the back of his head again. A habit you suppose. “See you around.”

“Yes.” Was the last thing you said before practically sprinting out of the breakroom.

You don’t know how long you spent chatting with Jungkook, but you came back to your office on sore legs. Sitting down on the revolving chair, you spin around a bit feeling bizarrely giddy inside, headache completely forgotten and newly revitalized. As you remember his red cheeks you pull up your arms in front of you. Chills…you had chills. What. Was. That.

Even though your legs hurt from standing, you don’t regret it one bit.  

That was…strange. Never had you been one for conversations, especially not with the other sex. Your husband didn’t seem to like it when you were chatting with another man, so you never tried to. Yet Jungkook…why did you enjoy being around him so much?  

It felt like you were back in high school, talking with the class president you had a huge crush on. Or like the guy from 5th grade who gave you a band aid. And even when you first met Jimin. You’re not sure, but you do know this is the first time in years where you became so smitten with someone so quickly. Jungkook was like a breath of fresh air, you really liked him.

Wait, what?

As soon as you process the weight of your thoughts, you immediately sit up in your chair. No, you couldn’t just have thought of such, right?

You…you were a married woman! Holding up your hand, you stare at your wedding ring while guilt crawls up your spine. This wasn’t right, you shouldn’t be doing this your conscious spoke. Not when your married life was in shambles. Is this who you were? Though, when you really think about it, it wasn’t like you did anything, you were just talking. So why did you feel so bad? Bringing your hand to your chest, you hold onto your ring finger with your other hand and close your eyes. Jimin appears before you, a light smile on his handsome face.

Your heart clenches.

“-ght.”

Just then, you register someone’s voice outside your office, breaking you from your daze. You stiffen, recognizing the soft laughter of your beloved secretary. She must have returned from her lunch break.

These days you had begun to pay Yura special attention.  

It was due to her confession, knowing that she dealt with so much but still managed to be happy – genuinely happy – made you feel…curious. You wanted to understand how she did it, how she managed to deal with life in a better way. And then maybe, just maybe, you could do it too.

Yes, that should be a rational clarification of why you were creeping up to the entrance like a stalker. Calmly stepping up to the see-through door, you hide behind the solid wall to the right of it, peeping your head out to spot Yura. You honestly don’t know what you were wanting to accomplish, but you had been getting yourself involved in a lot of strange situations recently, so it was better not to question it.

She had her back facing you, thankfully, or this would have been even more embarrassing. You stretch your neck out as much as you could, feet planted firmly on the hidden side of the wall. Watching as she stood beyond her desk casually, her phone to her ear while she conversed gently with someone on the other line.

“I’ll pick up some Chinese tonight- no not that one I hate it!” She laughed. “Seriously babe we’ve had that four nights in a row now…okay, okay we had tempura for a whole month because of me I know that!”

It was easy to tell she was talking to her boyfriend. It was just general, everyday stuff but you couldn’t help but feel envious. Yura sounded so content, her boyfriend sounded like he loved her. That was all you’ve ever wanted. How come you’ve never had that?

A grimace falls upon your face. Just what were you doing trying to spy on your secretary? When did you become so pathetic? There was no secret, and if there was, she has told you of it already. The truth was, you were stubborn, unwilling to change from the old ways as if your conservatism has ever been of any help to you. With a silent sigh, you were about to walk back to your desk when you heard him tell her ‘I love you.’  

In return she giggled, “I know~ See you tonight!”

You stood there stagnant for a bit. After a moment, you smiled, although there was no sign of joy on your face. Really…you were really pathetic.

Once you were at your desk, you eye your bag on the side of your chair’s leg before you pick it up, digging through it until you find what you were searching for. The piece of paper with the number was still in the same state as when she first gave it to you. Albeit crumpled. wouldn’t it have been hard for her to gather up the courage to say something you, her boss, could wrongly take offense over? Which you almost did. You respect her courage, her dedication and determination. When she first joined, you thought she was like you.

You were wrong.

She was stronger than you had ever been.

And instead of dwelling in that bitter pool of jealously you’ve drowned in with so many other women, you respected her. You wanted to learn from her and Irene and any woman in your life that had fought their battles with determination. It was like you said before, you had been getting yourself into strange circumstances lately, so why not this too? Who was here to stop you? Who was here to feel pity for you?

All you wanted was to be happy once again. Just once more.  

You owed it to yourself

Tick…tock…tick…tock…

You sat at the edge of your red seat with your palms holding onto your knees. Uneasiness found a way to penetrate your bones and you sensed a thin layer of perspiration on your hairline as you watch the clock ticking down until your dreaded deadline.

There was a lady situated underneath the clock, an elder woman by maybe a decade. She had soft wrinkles around her eyes and forehead, a bun high on top her head and bright red lipstick on her thin lips. Clacking away at her key board, she would occasionally furrow her brows in concentration at something she was looking at on her computer screen or smile at you if you made eye contact. Didn’t do much to ease your nerves but it still felt nice. The lady reminded you of yourself, and you speculate if this is how people saw you when you were at work.

It had been a couple of days until you managed to call an appointment for a therapy session. The isolation ate away at you after Jimin had been missing for the third day. You desperately wanted to talk to someone about your problems, but Irene was out of town, your husband absent, and you were too shy to seek out Yoongi. Instead of pushing your complications onto others, you thought it was finally time to call in some professional effort. The lady on the phone had been really nice and you were able to set an appointment up fairly quickly. Now you were just sitting here, in the monotone lounge area waiting for the therapist to arrive.

There was quite a bit of research you did beforehand. Turns out, different therapists professionalize different problems. Cognitive therapist help deal with bad thoughts and unclutter daily habits. Family-oriented systems therapist dealt with family related issues. Personal issues are dealt by people who are experts in narrative, behavioral, or solution-oriented therapies. And psychodynamic therapists, like the one you were visiting, dealt with unconscious motivation.

Actually, many therapists deal with many different fields at once, some work in relationship therapy both romantic and platonic while others work only on you – if you choose to keep the people in your life out of your segments. Because of that, it was up to the person seeking out therapy to decide what’s right for them. For instance, if you are someone who always felt closer and comfortable with your dad, then maybe it’s best that you seek out a male therapist. You also had to be meticulous about their personalities.

During your search, you found a person who said their therapist always read their email during sessions on a blog forum. One even said their therapist ate rounds of cheese during theirs! It was extremely uncomfortable to read that. But now you knew there were many things to make sure of, therefore being prepared. Gender, expertise, field of education, professionalism, reviews, trust and even the vibe you get from certain therapists are all important factors in choosing a therapist.  

Researching yours, you found her specialty was in female psychology. Including relationships and intimacy. All reviews on her were positive and you were so glad to read through them. After rounds of self-motivation and days of procrastination, here you were.

It’s quite humorous actually, a month ago you never thought you’d be doing anything like this.  

You just weren’t ever capable, especially not with your level of anxiety. What could it be about the past few weeks that you’ve grown so courageous? Was it the meeting with the stranger on the roof, the discovery of a friend, or empathizing with someone you worked with? But what if it wasn’t a person? Perhaps it was the city’s rapid heart at 3 AM, the wild club and heavy beats or the mundane office life encouraging you to take a step forward. Maybe it the tragedy behind that rainy day you hate to recall and hitting rock bottom with such force. Opening the pandora box? As you struggle to find answers within yourself, you realize Jimin wasn’t the only one confused with your behavior.  

You don’t get to dwell on the past for too long as a door clicks open and lets a slight breeze pull you from your thoughts.  A slender young lady holding a clipboard appears; short brown hair, black kitten heels and thin rimmed glasses sitting on her nose. She looks in your direction and smiles, gesturing for you to come her way.

You get up nervously, wiping your sweaty palms on your pencil skirt. Straightening yourself out, you make your way towards her.

“Hi, you must be ___, correct? I’m Dr. Lin.” She raises her hand and you immediately grab it. Her voice was gentle and steady, you felt actually welcomed.

“Yes, nice to meet you, Doctor.”

“You too.” She smiles, “And please, call me Lin. This way please.”  

She leads you in with her arm on your back, making you effortlessly walk into the sanctuary of her office.  

Once you were inside the room, you gape at her place in awe. It was wide open, there was no way you’d feel suffocated in here as you originally thought. There were large windows, displaying the greenery located at the back of the building. She had two huge shelves filled with colorful books on both ends of her office. In front of the windows rested a large shaggy carpet with a glass coffee table on top. Behind the table were two grey sofa chairs that complimented the fuzzy blue carpeting. And a small desk on the right side next to an office chair where she probably did most of her work. As you hear the door shut behind you, you turn around to catch her eye and she smiles at you.

“Right this way.” She says, walking past you which leads you into following her. When she reaches a chair, she pauses, waiting for you to take a seat first.  

So, you do.

“Well.” She starts, grabbing the pen off her clipboard, “How are you today ___?”

“I-I’m alright.”

Lin raises the corner of her lips “Just alright?”

“Yes…I.” You don’t know what to say. Were you already doing something wrong?

“That’s good,” Lin smiles as she clicks her pen open and jots something down onto her clipboard. “That’s a beautiful ring by the way.”

“O-oh thank you.” You cover your finger with your hand as Lin slightly squints at your action, still writing something.

“So,” She takes a deep breath and put down her pen, “What brings you here today?” Looking back up at you, she beams.

“Um…I needed someone to talk to…”

“Do you not have someone in your life to talk to? Or is it that you don’t feel comfortable confiding in them?”

“Kind of both…I…don’t want to trouble anyone.”

“I see.” She writes something else down

“Now tell me ___...why’re you really here?”

Out of nervousness, you kept messing with your ring and you knew she could tell. So, to distract your hands you needed something else to clutch onto. There was a tall glass of water on the coffee table in front of you. Your doctor notices your staring right away to which she points, “Please, go ahead.”

At her approval you pick up the glass and bring it your lips. After drinking just a bit, you decide to hold it down on your lap. For a second, you just stare as the water softly vibrates inside the clear glass while Lin waits for you to speak up. Is there a right way to tell her? You struggle internally at voicing your problems.

“I-I’ve been married six years…and it’s…I’ve had a hard time.”

“Six years is quite long…most married couples have problems by then.” Lin says, “It’s normal. Going through difficulties ranging from various reasons either with money or fidelity – having ups and downs.”

You take a deep breath trying to keep your heartbeat steady. “I barely remember having an up…”

She stares at you, and you don’t look at her. Instead you stare at the small burgundy table on the side of your sofa. It separated your chair with hers.

“…Can you tell me a bit about your husband, ___? Why don’t start by telling me the last up you do remember?”

At that, you finally look up at her. Was there an up you remember? For a large portion of your life, you had thought that every single moment with Jimin was an up. But when it came down to it, that wasn’t the truth. Jimin spent tremendous amounts of time breaking his promises to you. You actually remember the last promise he kept…how innocent the display of your relationship was back then…

The morning was pure white.  

Or at least it felt like so in your cramped dorm room where you spent another day lying next to the only other body you desired. The craving was an ache on par with stories that are never finished or poems with no end. You wonder if this is how it would always be; you longing for him while being so close, as well as lingering on the edges of how long this would last, when he would get up and leave you. Then you can crave him for an eternity.  

Oh, how you dreaded that day. You couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t fathom it, you couldn’t even conjure up the courage to acknowledge it. But it was inevitable, wasn’t it? Out of the thousands who want him, the millions who would do anything for him – what could have made you so special?

“What are you staring at?” He asks, softly turning his sleepy eyes to you.

His gaze raises your heartbeat, you feel a blush crawl up your bare spine. He’s been quieter these days, always seeming like he was in a deep stupor. A covered silence behind his beautiful mind. Everything was domestic and wholesome, your mind felt relaxed.  

“I’m looking at my world…” You whisper, close to his ear as your lips brush against the outer lobe.  

For a moment he just stares before he lets out a breathy laugh. “Cheesy.”

You smile, head molding into his shouldering with ease. Sex with him was always like a gentle wave, slowly covering your whole body in its warmth. His body was warmer than your comforter and his skin more alluring than any sight offered to your eyes.

“Says you.”

“Oh?” He quirks an eyebrow up making you nod

“Remember when you took me to the arcade and kept trying to win me that fat round stuffed whale for 2 hours?”

“Pfft, and I never even won that, did I?” He scrunches his nose in mock anger

“Exactly.” You giggle

“Hmm…but do you remember you stood there and encouraged me on the whole time. Didn’t complain once.”

Of course, you remember that day. The heels you wore were so prickly, your feet were sore for a week. Still you didn’t want to discourage Jimin, who was trying so hard for you. Or maybe he was just to immersed in the game, but it didn’t matter. None of that mattered but the fact that Jimin was with you.

“You didn’t complain when my car broke down in the snow on that abandoned road. Nor when I insisted to go see Candyman instead of whatever romcom movie you had in mind… I’ve always love that about you.”

I love that about you.

“How can I ever complain when you’re having fun…I’m not the complaining type of girl anyway.”

“You’re right, you aren’t like the other girls.” Jimin turns to face you completely, a soft grin on your face, “Maybe that’s why I like you too much.”

“R-really?” You flush as he laughs. It was always so easy for him, wasn’t it? “Cheesy.”

“But you love it.” Jimin bites his lower lip and well, you couldn’t deny that. He leans in just then, catching your fleeting eyes before he tenderly connects your lips. You couldn’t deny him then either. Your mouths move in a languid fashion, tongues tasting the deepest corners slowly.

He tasted of honey. That sweet, addictive pleasure.

After a few seconds you both part, Jimin hums with a lazy smirk. Your stares battle infinity before he looks at the clock. “Shit…I should run, my boss needs me to come in early today.”

“Oh, okay.” You say, masking your dejection when he gets up to put his shirt on. Jimin always hated his bosses. Actually, he seemed to have a problem with any figure who displayed authority over him.

“…Jimin…” You call out to him and he looks at you over his shoulder. “You’ll come back tonight, right?”

“…Right.” He says with a smile.

“Promise?” Your voice is so quiet it disappears with the sounds he makes as he shuffles to get up. So you just watch as he gets ready, the yearning in your heart and mind stirring again as you glare a hole into his muscular back. And suddenly he turns, with that same smile on his face. The one that has entrapped your heart many times before.

“I promise.”

And that was the last promise he actually fulfilled.

“That sounds so sweet.” Lin pulls you out from your thoughts and you take notice of the gentle smile gracing your features.

“It was.”

“How long ago was this?” she questions

“…”

“___?”

“Si-…seven years ago”

She frowns, furrowing her eyebrows “And how long have the two of you been married again?”

“Six years.”

“Then what have the last six years been like for you?” She asks softly

“He’s fucking another girl.” You calmly state as the room goes silent. The only thing you could hear were the morning birds outside the window and your sullen breaths. Thinking about the last six years made you upset…you couldn’t do anything to change that. Your grip on the glass becomes tighter, and you notice you’ve left prints again. So, you quickly begin wiping them. “He’s been…fucking other girls.”

…

“…I see…why don’t you start from the beginning.”

And in a moment, you’re spilling it all. Every single tortuous detail from your spousal life. Jimin’s promises, his lies. Every time he shut you down or off. Whenever he created distance. Jessica. Mina. Tina. All of last month, as if it was a story written in a word document. Every single pain you felt. You were crying by the end of it. Both from the searing lump in your throat and from the dreadful feeling of betraying your husband by not keeping your marriage’s confidentiality.  

Why did you always feel so guilty?

You were sobbing into your palm as the doctor offers you a Kleenex. Wiping away at your tears, you take a glimpse at her expression. It had somewhat hardened in what you think is sympathy…but you couldn’t describe it well.

“Is there anyone you’ve spoken to about your husband’s infidelity other than Irene or Yoongi?”

“No.” You sniffle

“What about your mom?”

“I…I barely see her. Last time I t-talked to her was on the phone a year ago…on my birthday. And even if I d-did…I doubt I’d tell her.”

Lin takes a deep breath, “I see.” She commences to write something down once again on her clipboard. “Infidelity can be damaging in all sorts of way to an individual…especially to one’s self confidence.”

She looks at you “Do you feel that you have lost your sense of self-worth?”

“I wouldn’t know…I’m not sure I ever had any.”

This time, she takes off her glasses to hold in her fingers as she rests her knuckles under her jaw.

“While you’ve been here, I noticed you gave vague and short replies as if you didn’t want to talk in the first place when that’s exactly what you said you came to do. And you’re sitting at the edge of your seat.” She points at your hips and you immediately look down, “You’re trying to not leave a mark of your presence in the room, just like in the lobby…even the glass…you’ve marked off your prints around three times now?”

Were you really doing all of that? You felt embarrassed.

Her eyes immediately soften, and she speaks in a slower tone, “I just want you to tell me why you keep trying to make yourself as insignificant as possible. Why do you only become full of life at the mention of your husband?”

You wish you had an answer for her, but you don’t. Huh, how funny is it that this is the one time your perfectionism fails you. The one time you fail to provide an answer. Instead you opt to stare at the small table again. There were books on the table…one particular one stacked on top that caught your eye.

Her Body and Other Parties, the title read.

Lin notices where you were gazing off at.  

“…___...can I ask you something private? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

Well she knew so much already. How can yet another intimate fact hurt? So, you nod meekly.

“How is your sex life?”

“Huh?” You make eye contact immediately after processing what she just said

“Can you tell me the last time you made love with Jimin?”

“Uh…um… uh-we haven’t been, I mean I can’t…with him.”

“Why?”

“Because when I tried to…Tina appeared in my head and I just…”

“Alright.” She says, looking ahead as if in thought. “Then when was the last time you were able to?”  

You try to think, “Around 3 months ago.”

“Before Tina then. And you’ve been sexually active occasionally before that, yes?”

“Yes.”

“How was it then? Did he make you feel good?”

“Yes…I think?”

She gives you a certain look, “You think? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean it’s Jimin…everything feels good with Jimin.”

“Were you able to reach an orgasm with Jimin?”

Silence puddles the room.

“No.” You whisper in the smallest voice

“…___, can you tell me how long it has been since your husband gave you an orgasm?”

There’s a strumming inside you and you feel your insides pound. She said you didn’t have to answer right?

“Since…Jessica.” You murmur her name so low you don’t think she heard it. But the way she clicks her pen on tells you otherwise.

“…Can you tell me how many years it has been?”

“…”

“If you don’t want to answer it, that’s all right. We can talk about something else.”

“5 years.”

“…I see…and before that?”

“Before that…I always came before Jimin. It was surreal to have him above me…inside me. I felt so…loved.”

Lin glances out a window for a few seconds, seemingly in thought. Then she brings her attention back onto you. “Has Jimin ever noticed?

You snort at that, to which she raises a brow. Clearing your throat, you speak again.

“No, he hasn’t noticed. I fake them.”

“So, you let him have sex with you, never once felt satisfied and didn’t complain?”

You look down at your glass once again, “I…I didn’t want him to not touch me.”

Lin nods, waiting for you to continue.

“I wanted him to love me…to only look at me. Not being able to cum…is all my fault anyway. Something…must be wrong with me.” You wipe the tears loitering your sockets with your crumpled Kleenex.

“No. This isn’t your fault.” Lin states before she sighs, rubbing at her neck. “I’ve heard that before in a lot of my female patients. Yet it still manages to amaze me.”  

“___,” She addresses you with full attention, making you straighten your spine, “Recently, I have been reading books on female sexuality and happiness. One of them being this-” She picks up the book you were looking at “-‘Her Body and Other Parties’ by Carmen Maria Machado. And I have come to notice a pattern between a woman’s sensuality and her self-esteem.”

Lin pauses, putting the book back down and looking back at you to make sure you were keeping up with her, making you nod in return.

“If I may ask…have you, by chance, brought yourself to an orgasm in the past 5 years?”

“Huh?”  

“Have you ever masturbated?”

“Umm…no…”

“Maybe once when you were a teen? College, perhaps?”

“No.”

Like she had an epiphany she writes down something yet again on her clipboard.  

“Then that’s what I want you to do before our next session. Educate yourself on healthy masturbation.”

Your jaw drops open at her statement, a string of questions leaving your lips. What did she just say? There was no way you’d be capable of doing something like that! You almost died just thinking about-  

“___, I know it seems crazy, but masturbation is directly linked to a women’s mental health. It helps you gain confidence, release stress, produces endorphins and strengthens your immune system. We will be able to find out a lot about you, such as if you are interested in the idea of sex or not, either which is fine. It can also tell us if Jimin’s infidelity has been causing you subconscious psychological damage.”

Your mouth shuts as she lists her reasons.

“You have spent your life, giving yourself away. To your mom, to Jimin, to your work. You spent your life trying to become someone they’d love, that you forgot about who you are. There’s barely any of the real you left inside.” She points at your chest, “I need you to find out what you want, the things you like. The pleasures YOU seek.”

“I want you to learn about yourself. Learn how to properly care for yourself…how to love yourself.”

As her words register in your brain, you think back to a couple days ago. About how you sat with Irene, outside that small café. Not understanding that you genuinely liked cooking, just thought you did it to make your mom or Jimin happy. And about how good it felt, how amazing it was to realize there was a part of your personality not molded from the people who took advantage of you. It was…liberating.

“O…okay, but how do I…I mean my sessions with Jimin were all soft…I’ve never done anything myself before.”

“It’s up to you really…why don’t you start out by using a toy? You’ve missed out for a long while, so yes. I think a toy would help you.” She smiles at you and you want to stuff your face into the couch.

Could today get any stranger?

Suddenly a timer beeps causing Lin to look back at her desk.

“Oh, that’s all the time we have for now ___,” She says standing up, and you rush to stand with her, placing the glass back on the table. “I hope you can successfully complete this task I’ve assigned you, and I’ll meet you the same time next week, alright?”

She extends her hand, and you take it immediately “Umm, yes definitely.”

With the pleasantries out the way, you carefully make your way towards the door. Once you place your palm on the door handle, Lin calls out to you once again,

“Oh, and no thinking about Jimin while completing my assignment! This is about you and only you after all.”

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-”

“Irene, please stop laughing.” You groan into the receiver, pinching the bridge of your nose in embarrassment.

“Sorr-I just ahhahahah, no wait-” She wheezes over the other line. Taking a deep breath, she consoles herself. “Alright, so let me get this straight. I’m out of town for a week and you end up going to a therapist who tells you to jerk yourself off on the first session?”

“Ireeenneee,” You whine, “She’s a smart lady. She’s trying to help me.”

“Oh, she’s definitely trying to help you alright.” Irene snickers and you huff in frustration. Maybe you shouldn’t have called her to tell her about your Saturday night plans.

“Okay, okay, no more jokes. So, are you going to do it?”

“Yes…I mean I don’t know…I’m a bit nervous.”

“You haven’t came in 5 years. As a girl with a healthy libido, that would emotionally damage the hell out of me. Maybe the Doc’s onto something.” Irene states

“You think so?” This is what you wanted as usual. Reassurance.

“I don’t know to be honest…why don’t you try it out and tell me? You sure you bought the right item?”

You stare at the small unwrapped object in front of you. A bullet vibrator. All of that internet searching for a pink oval-shaped ball.

“I…think…” You gulp, becoming slightly intimidated

“Well I think you’re going to have an amazing night my princess.” Irene coos making you blush

“I-I-I am hanging up on you now!” You pout, flustered

“Wait, no I wa-”

With a huff you end the call, throwing your phone off to the side. Again, you were left doing nothing but staring at your toy. It just laid there, staring back at you. The atmosphere of your room felt oddly tense.

“Okay…be gentle.” You whisper to it. It doesn’t respond.

You pick it up carefully, taking off your robe and laying down against your mattress.

…Now what?

You were a grown woman; it was healthy to explore your sexuality. That’s what those internet articles and female magazines told you, all written in a perky tone to somehow connect with the modern working woman. Although you being you, you couldn’t help but point out their spelling mistakes.

That’s not the point, you huff, staring at your ceiling in frustration. What were you supposed to do right now? Your core was exposed to the air, the bullet vibrator stayed stiff in your left palm and you felt kind of ashamed in this position.

No thinking about Jimin, you recall Lin warning you. How were you supposed to do that? Who else would ever make you feel the way Jimin made you feel? Granted, he didn’t actually make you cum in the past few years, making love with him still felt good.

Or at least you think what you had with him felt good. At the times he made love with you, you desperately tried to convince yourself that it was different with you than with Jessica or Mina. That you were special to him and they were just side pieces. It…didn’t really work. Nevertheless, there wasn’t anyone who made you feel as bright as Jimin, no one you made you flustered and left you stuttering.

Well except maybe Irene and her smart mouth.

You giggle as you think of your friend. Before you begin to ponder on the subject a bit too long. Irene did have a pretty mouth. Her lips were always so cherry red and eyes foxy and seductive. It was always difficult to look at her straight in the face, but she made you sure you did no matter what. She was so assertive.

It was then, when you were dreaming about her intense ogling that your hips shifted slightly, your exposed core aching. H…How would Irene feel around your…your…

“Ah-” You moaned, your arm sliding down until your fingers made contact with your folds. Your eyes were closed so you could better picture her jet-black hair, the lax strands perfectly framing her small face. Your mouth was shaped as an O, as your fingers brushed through your folds, sliding them across the lax skin, before stretching them open, becoming wetter by the second.

“Nn-ahh.” You cry out softly as you rub around your clit. Your mind filling with a deep haze. This was so strange, you’ve never thought of women this way. But then again, you haven’t thought of anyone this way except for your husband.

“Nuh uh~” You hear the tender tone of a feminine voice echo, and you strain to look between your thighs to spot your smirking vixen of a best friend, “No thinking of him here.”

She coos before she tips her tongue out, her face dropping into your middle. Whimpering loudly, you arch your back off the bed as you feel her take you into her mouth, wet muscle playing around with your juices. She slid it up, down and across, pinch your nipple as she sucked on your nectar.

“oh my- I-Ire-” You hear her snicker, her laughter shooting straight through your spine. While still in a foggy daze, you squeeze the vibrator in your left palm, before pressing the small power button with your thumb. Your breathing was heavy, the device buzzing slightly in your hand as you brought it down.

For a moment you hesitated, the object’s frequency intimidating you. So, with a deep breath, you shut your lids, connecting the vibrator with your clit. Immediately a wave of pleasure washed over you, your eyes shot open as you groaned. It was as if Irene’s tongue was molded to the shape deep inside of you. Your body raised in temperature.  

Although only connected to one part, you could feel the toy course throughout every limb. It left you shivering as you clutched the bedsheet beside your hips with your wet digits. You could feel your thighs, drenched in your sweetness, the air around them cooler, softer. Irene’s tongue increased in speed, sending your mind spiraling.

“O-OH mm-” You don’t know why you were trying to hold back your voice, but you couldn’t help it for some reason.

“Don’t hold back.” You suddenly hear, and you break out of your bewilderment to find another person on top of you. Shadowing over you was straight black hair, lusting doe eyes and soft rabbit features passionately regarding you. “I want to hear you.” He whispers as his large arms enclose around your head.

Why was he here?

Did you somehow want him to be here? You didn’t know. All you did know was that there was a knot forming inside of you, coiling around your insides with a viper like grip as you continued to fall into his stare. It felt so good, so euphoric. The pleasure was addicting.

You felt like you were going crazy, fingers slowly linking to your cunt once again. Rubbing circles as the device vibrated through your bundle of nerves. This wasn’t right, you shouldn’t be thinking about him. But the heat from his body made you feel lightheaded, whimpers escaping you like crazy. It was so wrong, but you felt so good in the moment.

“You’re so pretty like this.” Jungkook murmurs, moving away your hair sticking to your face. In a second Jungkook took the device away from you, winking at you. Confused, you tilted your head at him on the pillow before your eyes suddenly rolled into the back of your head.

He amped the vibration, placing the toy halfway inside of you. Your hips moved off the bed, fingers leaking wet with your nectar as you played with your clit. You wanted him inside of you so bad. It’s not that you wanted to conceive this very image, the sane you would never ever do something like this but fuck you don’t know what the fuck was wrong with you in that moment. And you didn’t care.

You imagine Jungkook drilling inside you, his fat dick ripping through your insides as the bed shook with every thrust. That was all it took to push you over the edge. And soon you were cumming, screaming out his name.

“J-Jungkook, yes! Oh God!”  

A heavy wave of pleasure washes over you, stars obstructing your sight. Your mouth hung open as your pussy convulsed. Shuddering through the tremendous sensation, you fall back onto the mattress with a thump, and the toy helps you ride out your orgasm.

“Haah...haa...”

BzzzBzzz

The only noises that were left were of your excessive breathing and the strumming of the bullet vibrator. It felt like all your energy had suddenly left you, you forgot how powerful orgasms were until now. Soon finding it to be painful, you remove the toy from inside you, pressing the power button as you hold it up to your face. It was sticky wet, your juices smothered around the pink device like glaze.

Glazed donuts.  

Blushing, you throw it to the side, still trying to process everything that just occurred. Wow. That was…Irene…and then Jungkook. You jump around, squealing into your pillow. What just happened?! Why did you imagine those two out of everyone? How will you ever face them again?

Even after everything was done, you couldn’t help the way your body felt so thrilled and satisfied. For some reason, you felt like you were floating on cloud 9. It felt so out of place, you hadn’t felt this way with Jimin ever. Not even on your best days. Who knew something so taboo could turn you on so much?  

Fuck.

You turn so your back rested against the bed again, before slamming your hands onto your face. Were you going to have to explain all of this to your therapist? No way were you going to tell her who you jacked off to. As you were overthinking and worrying about your near future, you suddenly began to feel very drained and numb. You blinked lazily, the familiar weariness akin to sleep.  

It took you by surprise, you hadn’t been able to fall asleep without sleeping pills for a long time now. As you bring your arms back down to look at the ceiling, you’re faced with your empty bedroom one again. Jimin had always been gentle with you, hadn’t he? It was another reason you loved him as much as you did. When you both made love, it felt like he could never hurt you.

Reality kicks in and a longing surrounds you. It was inevitable, you were bound to remember him again. You couldn’t help but wish your husband was here with you to share your happiness.

You wish he was here with you to see your growth, to be proud of you. You wish he was here with you and you couldn’t help but feel that yearning for him like you’ve always felt. You really wish he could love you. Looks like you hadn’t exactly passed this task, since you weren’t supposed to think about Jimin but you didn’t care. More than anything, you wanted him home.

Old habits don’t just die after one success.

So, as the thought of your vacant house infected you, before you could dwell on the topic further. Before you took another pill, feeding your insides with your own poison. Become a moping drone, a sickened shell once again, you shut your eyes. Blocked out the evil world before you and relaxed every muscle, every scar in your brain. It was the only thing you could think of doing. Thankfully your spent energy agrees with you.

Before Jimin could take over you once more, without ever lifting a muscle.

You fell asleep, letting yourself feel drained and dreaming of the wedding and the bright shore.

It was inevitable.

Your eyes flutter open to a soft white room. The sunlight was peeking through the curtains, lighting up the canvas across your orbs. You wriggle your toes about, slowly seeping into full conscious.

Once you can make out the ceiling above you, you stretch your muscles before sitting up.

“Ji-”

Turning on your side, you place your palm down on the cotton sheets beside you. A palm you meant to place on a body that was meant to be on the bed. Beside you.

“Right.” You whisper, staring at the cold spring empty of life and bringing your hand back to your lap.

No one’s there.

Sighing, you swing your legs off the bed and onto the floor – the fluffy carpet molding into your feet. You push yourself up, the action causing the sheets to slither off your naked body and expose your nipples to the chill atmosphere. Again, you stretch your tendons, raising your arms above your head and lifting the bottom soles of your feet off the ground. Your back curves and your eyes clenched shut. It’s been a while since you had fell asleep without pills.

Blinking lazily at nothing in particular, you sluggishly turn your body to the direction of the bathroom. You begin to saunter across your room, reveling in the peaceful silence of a sunny Sunday. As you’re a few steps from the door, your gaze catches onto the full-length body mirror set just aside.

It makes you halt in your tracks. A moment passes by before you step closer to your reflection in fascination.

Have you always looked like this?

Is this the way your hair falls over you face? You think as you run your fingers through your soft locks – bringing forward a single strand to the front of your face to focus in on. Slowly your gaze falls back to the mirror and you tilt your head. Sliding your digits onto your face, the tips of your pointer and middle fingers caressing the peak of your nose, gradually underneath your jaw and upon your neck.

Is this how your body was shaped?

You take it all in. Captivated by the glowing expanse of your silky skin, the gentle rhythm of your chest, and the highs of your curves you ran a palm over. Shuddering as a strangely new sensation waltzes within you. The sun’s rays wrap around you like gold, highlighting every mole and freckle settled into your casing. Scars and marks from forgotten memories finding shelter under the spotlight. Every secret exposed in the flare of the replication. It felt like you had just stepped out of a decaying cocoon – stitched together by the molding twined fabric of your uncertainties.

And the you who emerged shone.

There were sparks of glitter all around you. Tiny angels spinning threads of new-found purity onto the secret corners of your soul.

A once caged bird, with virginal wings as large as her innocent heart. Who wears her crown fragile; while her refined mind heals from the battles with the toxicity in amour. Her beauty is an ode to the agile cosmic, lucky enough to hold her able within its seams. Your dimensions were your unique, the line between pleasure and hurt fitted across your stomach.

It was beautifully raw outside that rotten cocoon. You spread your arms out, relishing in the way your body weaves between space and time as your insides melt perfectly into the shape of your skin. Every bone, every ounce of lush, the fruits of your divine frame. The mountains and hills spread amongst your flesh – the caves and burrows layered one on top of the other.  It was all beautiful. Raw, real and radiant. Like a pallet with too many colors splattered amongst the wood, splashes from aches and pain and memories and gain.

Your pallet.

As the pearls of your pupils rake through your figure, they suddenly land on your unclothed core. You let out a shaky exhale, eyes glossing and lashes fluttering. Carefully you guide your hand to your lower region until your fingers make contact with your wet folds. A shiver runs through you, goosebumps poking through your soft pores. Awakening the images of last night; of the whimpers and aches. Of the satisfaction and the explosion of your confined stellar.

This was you. Your perfect frame, your flawless physique, your structured identity.

Was it the early morning air? The first good sleep in years? Or the sensual night before?

…Did it matter?

A smile graces your lips as you wrap your arms around yourself. The slick from your nether regions painted amongst your fingers staining the upper part of your left arm.

You were just happy to be awake.

_

“They’re pretty, right?”

He holds up the peonies clutched in his hand at you, tilting his head so you could see him just behind the stunning flowers. He was everything for you; your energy, your medicine, your happiness. You wanted to melt.

“Yes.” You reply, trying to sound happy; less depressed.

He frowns and it goes straight to your heart, “Sorry”

“For?” He asks, throwing the plant on the couch. Not making eye contact.

Suddenly you wanted to cry. You’re too sensitive to all of his emotions and he knows it. Uses it to his pleasure. It was amazing – how some words had so much power over you.

For being sad. For not living up to your expectations.

“I love them Jimin.” You smile, placing your hands on each side of his face and turning him to you. “I love you.”

And he’s happy. The sun is back on his face.

On the other hand, you feel like the unlit side of the moon. Especially when Jimin engulfs you in a smothering hug.

“That’s what I wanted to hear.”

From me or Jessica? You think. It had only been a week since the dire revelation and your insides were crumbling. He had sex with you time and time again, but you felt nothing. Something was wrong with you, but you didn’t want to tell him.

You wanted him to be happy. Even if you hated yourself.

As you fit into his arms, you stare at your reflection in the mirror on the back wall. How ugly…how unworthy. No wonder he cheated on you. No wonder he found someone better.

He loves you too, he says.

But you couldn’t help hate yourself.

Ok. What the hell was a T-front string?

You squint your eyes at the screen, rereading Irene’s text for the tenth time.  

Your heels were clacking the floor below you, as you speed walked through the mall with a small giftbag in hand. A while after your little intimate moment with yourself, you had called up your friend to speak to her about the rejuvenation you experienced in excitement. She was very happy for you, giggling through the receiver like a child. It made you smile.

Although, no matter how much she pestered you, you refused to spill the beans about who you ended up jerking off about. Irene was persistent, naming off every actor and model she knew. And you on the other hand had no idea who half of them were. Thankfully, she couldn’t get you to spill the beans. You dreaded her reaction if she ever did find out.

After warding off her interrogation and chatting about something mundane, she had suggested for you to go to the mall so she can help you find some useful ‘items’ for women since you had nothing else planned. Your interest was piqued, thinking it might be items such as the world’s most comfortable bra or scrunchies that never go missing. Yet as you parked your car in the lot, and tentatively made your way inside – you had given up all hope for your superpowered hair ties.

None of the items Irene had been texting you made any sense.  

‘Double D Balls Dildo. Make sure the balls are squishy!’    

‘Shower Sex Foothold. Very useful for shaving your legs. Other things as well I guess.’

???

In an array of confusion, you had gone up to a random employee to ask him what exactly Doc Johnson’s “The Fist” was. The paling look he gave you in return has you traumatized for life. Never again would you ask anyone to explain anything Irene tells you.

As she continued to text you severe objects to buy, you just shook your head while buying a little something of your own. Letting her think you were following what she said of course. You could just imagine the look on her face, the tiny snicker as she continues to lightheartedly play around with your innocence. There was a small jewelry shop you loved in this mall, one Jimin would bring you to after he got a promotion or when it was your birthday.

You bought a small bracelet for Irene from said shop; to thank her for her friendship and for listening to you mope about Jimin. Satisfied with your purchase, and only this purchase – you decided to head out of the place. Your legs were practically running out of the mall, trying to get back home. It’s actually been like this for the past few days.

Since he disappeared.

Every time you stepped out of your apartment, even for a few minutes, you would rush back at twice the speed. It was as if…you were hoping that once you step inside. Once you’re in the sanctuary of your house, he’d be there too. He’d turn around and you could run into his warm arms again. And he’d promise you – genuinely promise – he’ll never leave again. Ever. It was a fairytale reunion made for a dreamy girl. Ridiculous, but you still wished it to be true.

For some reason, you were especially eager to get home today. Even more than usual. When you made it to the first floor and could see the doors you came in from, your phone abruptly buzzed again. Huffing, you open the device, trying to see what nonsense Irene sent you this time.  

You were too busy checking your phone to see where you were going. Your legs were rushing a bit too much to notice the other pairs of legs walking in your direction.

“Whoa-”

“Oww-”

That’s when you ended up bumping into another body with a small thud. The phone in your hand crashing onto the ground, sliding away from your peripheral vision on the floor. Both of you wobbled around a bit but grabbed onto the others arms to seek balance. Once you stood sturdy, you immediately searched around for your missing phone with your head turning about in a frenzy. It didn’t take you long to spot it as it didn’t travel too far, ending up right next to the girl’s leg. In relief you sigh, bending down to pick it up to brush the specks of dust and surveille the damage. The girl on your arm doesn’t move an inch, like she was frozen in place.

After you’ve made sure it’s not broken and everything was working properly, you smiled. Looking up at the girl to apologize.

“Oh, I’m sorr-”

A gasp escapes your throat.

Your eyes instantly widen – in an eerily painful way as your jaw fails you. Your insides plummet with a chaotic mix of anger, confusion, and dread swirling through you – thundering up a storm that has you stagnant. The atmosphere takes a sudden drop in temperature and a chill runs down your spine at the cold air. Subconsciously, you take a step back. Away from the sight before you.

“H-hey ___, long time no see.”

In return, the girl stands there in as much discomfort and anxiousness as you. Shifting on her feet, she sends you an awkward smile. A smile you were used to seeing daily at one point in your life. A smile you grew to reluctantly dislike over the years. Your muscles start to constrict.

“Mina.” A whisper leaks from your lips.

Clink, clank.

You listen in to the busy atmosphere surrounding you while sitting still in your wooden seat. Waitresses passing by, the small chatter, the clinging and clanging of cups and forks. It was all more interesting to you than the predicament at hand right now. There was nothing to really focus in on, except the table in front of you and its stiff glass casing. Which you were eyeing with lasers shooting out of your orbs.

The tension in the air was thick.

And the girl sitting opposite to you was looking at you a bit too anxiously, failing to be subtle with her regard. You could tell she was playing with her fingers underneath the table, a habit you had noticed many times before. Almost four years ago.

“H..how have you been?” She starts, making you look up at her.

As soon as you acknowledge her, her face drops. Like she was afraid of your judgement. She clears her throat.  

“I-it’s nice to see you again…” She strains, “After all these years…you look great.”

There’s an awkward silence that goes by as you’re slow to register her words. It was as if your brain doesn’t want to recognize the situation you’re in – trying to run away from you rather than recall any more past memories.

“It’s been quite long.” You manage to make out, “I’ve been well.”

Why did you lie to her? Were you that afraid of her finding out the truth?

“T-that’s good.” Mina replies a bit too fast.

…

Another awkward silence engulfs your vicinity as you both proceed to poke holes through the table.

“All right, here you are!” A shout wakes you both, making your shoulders jump. “One glass of water and one small coffee, one cream and two sugars.”

A lady places down your coffee cup in front of you, and you exhale at the balmy steam warming up your otherwise cold face.

“Anything else?” She chirps with a small tray in hand

“That’ll be all, thank you.” Mina responds to which the lady nods and leaves with a smile

Mina watches you as you stir your coffee mindlessly. You could tell there was a lot running through her mind like you.  

She hasn’t changed much. Just a couple of alters you could spot. Like how her hair’s a bit longer now, reaching just above the conjecture between her neck and her shoulder and dyed a darker color. A few more piercings graced the left side of her ear now. There was also a small tattoo on her ring finger – some sort of symbol in a mix of purple and red. On the other hand, her style hadn’t changed at all. She still wore those oversized black hoodies and white sneakers. You hide a smile as her dark top almost drowns her.

Mina was as beautiful as you remember.

Suddenly, she huffs, picking up her water.  

Gulp, gulp, gulp

You gape at her with wide eyes as she drinks the whole glass in one go. She sets it down with a clang, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Then her orbs connect with yours, as she continues to stareat you with an unreadable expression. For a second, you catch her regarding the gift bag by your side.

“___, I-” She starts off strong, faced focused and seeming like she knows what she’s going to say.

But as her linger remains, she loses her grip – mouth slacking and concentrated expression failing.

“I…”

“What is it?” You say in a low yet clear tone of voice

“I…God! I don’t know how to say this!” She places her elbows on the table, burrowing her face into her palms. Her outburst turns a few heads to which you shift uncomfortably to.

“Are you alright?” You reach over and place a hand on her wrist, which has her removing her hand covering her face to stare at the place you were touching her. She spots your ring.

“Are you still with Jimin?” She whispers

“…yes.” You say, although it’s not exactly the truth.

You retract your hand and her eyes follow it till they land back on you.

“How is he?” Mina asks, even quieter than before

“He’s well.” You’re not sure how else to answer. Honestly, you didn’t even want to answer.

She scoffs, “Good for him.”

The hate in her tone catches you off guard, your eyebrows furrowing as you stare at the now frowning girl.

“…Wha-”

“Good for him. Park Jimin. Great. Wonderful. Of fucking course he’d be well, he’s the one and only Park Jimin. The nicest guy in the world. Light of everyone’s fucking life. Sweet, kind, charming Park Jimin. Let me go jump off a cliff.”

She spits each word with abhorrence laced in her tongue. Her eyes squint in anger and her fist clenches the ends of her long sleeves. You sit there, shocked and confused.

When she notices the expression on your face, she unwinds. Moving her arms off the table and sitting up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…I just…” Taking a deep breath, she closes here eyes to contemplate something. Before looking up at you once again, “I always wanted to apologize for what I did to you.”

…

A third silence passes you both. Your brain was now fully awake and taking in each and every word.

“There’s not a day I don’t think about it…what I did to you…the mistakes I’ve made.” Mina’s voice cracks halfway as her eyes become glossy. For some reason, your chest starts to ache. “I regretted it every single day ever since you left. And I always, always wanted to talk to you one last time. I-if that’s okay with you?”

She halts to study your reaction. You nod, urging her to continue.

“…It’s not a secret – what I did over the course of half a year. What I allowed to happen…” She sniffles, staring at the gift bag as a tear falls down her eye. “It’s just…you meet this guy, right? A polite, charming, extraordinarily handsome guy, and he’s great. And he’s married which is also great but-”

“He sees you, like…he actually sees you for you and he befriends you. And he doesn’t tell you to change unlike other guys. He doesn’t turn his nose up at your quirks and doesn’t hold animosity in his eyes. He tells you his secrets…or what you think are his secrets and he appreciates you.”

She takes a deep breath, her nose running and cheeks rosy. Taking a napkin from the table’s corner, she wipes the tears littering her face as your own eyes well up. So this was how Jimin was in her mind compared to yours. There were a lot of similarities and a lot of differences.

“And so,” Mina strains, “You fall for him. Even though it’s wrong and even though he’s m-married. Even though his wife is a wonderful person, y-you fall so, so hard. And when he kisses you while he’s a drunk, giggling, beautiful mess…you don’t stop him.”

You close your eyes as the first tears makes its way down your cheek. Even though there were a lot of differences, the feelings were the same.

“Y-you don’t stop after the first time. Nor after the second and then the third… and it just keeps going on and on and on. Until it’s too late to stop. Even though the guilt eats you alive. Even though you stop eating and stop sleeping and no one can see the bags under your eyes, when he smiles at you-”

Mina shows you a pained smile, “When he smiles at you, and his eyes crinkle and his nose buttons. You think it’s all – the pain, the secrets – it’s all worth it. Because you just feel so damn special for some reason. So, you throw yourself down the drain, become the woman you never wanted in a relationship that would never go anywhere. You lie until your teeth start rotting and hide until the shame stops consuming your heart.”

You wipe your tears with the back of your hand, trying to calm your senses by pursing your lips.

“Then one day…he tells you he doesn’t need you anymore. That you never meant anything to him and it’s over.” Mina’s stop crying now. She stares at the table once again, this time looking at her reflection in the glass. “And you don’t put up a fight, because you knew this was coming. It was inevitable. A real relationship can never be based on a lie. All you’re left with is the person you’ve become.”

“In the end…all you did was become a liar that hates herself. Someone who hurt a woman who’s been nothing but kind to her. Someone who shut everyone out till the one guy she’s wanted shuts her out… that’s the conclusion.”

You let out a shaky exhale, your body lagging and mind numbing. There’s yet another moment of silence as you process everything you’ve just heard. Your feelings…were just the same.

“I’m sorry.” Your eyes shoot up as Mina speaks up once again, “I’m sorry for what I did to you and for all the things I let happen.”

“I understand if you don’t forgive me. And I understand if you never want to see me again. I…just wanted to tell you that you were great. You were a great wife, and a great friend…a great cook haha...and a great person. You deserved better than all of this. You deserved better than all of us.”

“And...and I know how it feels…I…I dated someone after Jimin… and huh ironically-” Mina lets out a breathless laugh, “He cheated on me… and I know I deserve I-”

“No.” You interrupted her, “No one deserves that.”

Mina pauses as she stares at you, “It really hurts…it’s not just them loving someone else, but them breaking your trust and connection. Completely disregarding your feelings and disrespecting you. And something like that coming from someone you love – someone’s who’s supposed to love you…breaks you apart from the inside. And that’s why I now understand what kind of a person Park Jimin was. A manipulative, lying piece of shit who immediately uses people’s vulnerabilities for his own pleasures.”

…

“I hope one day you’re able to move on from what I’ve done but…I will always carry what I did to you. I’ll continue to fall into toxic relationships and continue to have trust and commitment issues for the rest of my life.”

You frown at the feeble girl in front of you. Was this what you wanted from her? From Jessica? Is this what you want for Tina? Would this satisfy your idea of karma?

“Thank you…for apologizing…for speaking your truth.” You began slowly, Mina’s inflamed face staring at you,  

“I always tried to understand why you did it. How you could do that to me when you’ve met me and knew me and…my head was just a mess for the longest time…but now…I just hope you’re able to move on from this as well…I don’t know if I can truly forgive you but I don’t want to hate you any longer. I spent so much energy trying to hate you and the other girls…I compared myself to you, I looked down on you…I ran away from you.  

“But what was it that you owed me at that my husband didn’t owe me a hundred times more?”

Trying to piece your thoughts together you sigh, “The you I conjured up in my mind was a lot more characterless and viler. But now it just seems like I was trying to blame anybody but Jimin for his own mistakes. That’s the whole idea behind homewrecker, huh? I blamed you, I blamed my mother, I blamed myself. I blamed every single person except Jimin. And I shouldn’t have. There was no one else at greater fault. Not even you… and I no longer want to do that. I no longer want to put the blame on others.”

Mina looks away once her eyes tear up again. Her body felt sore and her insides twisted painfully. There’s no greater pain than the guilt of a woman.

“In the end we were all trying to find our happiness…anyway we could. I guess…we just searched for it in the wrong places.”

The rest of the sudden meet up was spent in silence. This abrupt hush being the last one before you finished your drink and observed the traffic around you. It felt like you both had said what you wanted, like your chests were finally free of such a huge burden. What was left was a empty feeling, satisfying but still an end.

Soon, it was time for goodbyes.

And then there you were, driving home from the longest trip you’ve ever had at a mall. You sat there, steering your car on the road, thinking just one thing. All this time, you’ve remembered nothing but bad things about her. About Jessica. And now about Tina. But what was the point in accusing them?  

What type of satisfaction had you gained from hating other women?

Did it stop your husband from cheating? Did it dissolve his sins?

What sort of people were Jessica and Tina, apart from the characters your imagination had invented?  

There were new questions you needed answers to. And there was just one person who could help you answer them all.

Just one.

Jimin was in the balcony, drinking his night away again.

Tina wouldn’t shut up tonight, he didn’t want to deal with her. But right now, he didn’t have anyone he could trust as much as her so his feet were planted in her damn apartment. As he looks up at the bleary sky, his mind wanders back to you. What were you doing at the moment?

Tsk, he scolds himself then. Why did he always think about you in the end? What did you mean to him? NOTHING. You were a toy. A toy he ended up going overboard with almost 6...no 7 years ago from tomorrow.

A toy that was causing him problems...  

Jin had called this morning. “Why doesn’t your wife know where you are?”

It infuriated him; how dare he be questioned like this. And that bastard was one to talk, he was with Jimin playing wingman anytime Jimin needed a quick fuck. Telling him he knows men shouldn’t be tied down to one woman, that men were made to pump out their population into mankind. So why was everyone acting different now?

Why were you?

He kept you under his control for so long. How did you even find out about Tina?

Why was he?

Jimin couldn’t eat for the past few days. Nothing tasted like your cooking so he couldn’t swallow it down. His sleep was fucked up and he tried to wear himself out going to the gym or having sex with Tina or someone else but nothing worked. If anything, he just felt worse. He kept remembering the cologne you came in with that one night, just which bastard were you fucking?

His grip on the glass beer is so tight, he could hear it crack. No, you couldn’t have. Jimin was sure you wouldn’t even think about another man as long as you had him. Who would?

As his heart continues to ache and yearn without him knowing why, mind numb and limbs sore, his phone begins to ring.

Speak of the devil.

...

You studied the phone in your hand, as your thumb trembled while hovering over his name.  

Why was this so hard? You’ve been upfront with him for a while now. So, what is it about today – this moment particularly – where your insides would rather shut down than hear his voice?

As you once again back out from pressing his name on your phone screen, you huff, sitting up in frustration. It shouldn’t be this hard, it’s really not a big deal. So what if you had no idea where your husband was for the past week? So what if he had his own wife sent to voicemail so many times that she had become too traumatized to call him? And so what if the biggest day of your life was tomorrow and he was still MIA? All you had to do right now, was ask about his location. Drown the wild thoughts and insecurities in your head with confirmation from the love of your life.

He owes you that much.

So, with a loud sigh, you click on his name. Ready to face the truth.

Your gut drops when it rings. Falling deeper and deeper with the first ring.

Second ring.  

Third ring.  

Fou-

“Hello?”

Gasping at the voice, you immediately put your phone next to your ear.

“Y-yes hello?”

“…___.”

You wanted to cry. He actually picked up, he really answered. “J…Jimin.”

Your whole body shivered, as if it remembered Jimin existed. He wasn’t some fever dream you mind conjured up. There was so much you wanted to tell him, which spiked up the adrenaline in your system. Oh, how you longed to speak to him.

“I heard you called Jin…” Was his immediate response. After being away from home for so long, after leaving you in the dark. He was more concerned about you talking to someone about how he left you.

“Yeah…I-I did.”

“Why?” He sounded annoyed

“Because I didn’t know how else to reach you…”

“You shouldn’t have called Jin.” He spoke again, firmly.

Biting your bottom lip, you hold back your tears. Does he think it was easy for you? Doesn’t he realize how embarrassed you were? Can’t he understand that you wouldn’t have called him if he just picked up his phone? Jin’s seen you before, he’s made you laugh before, you know him. He’s a very charming person, it’s why he’s one of Jimin’s few coworkers that you genuinely liked. Also one of the first friends Jimin made when you moved into this city.  

It’s why you were terrified that when you make the call…his high opinion of you would change. That to him you’d look like a pathetic, desperate woman whose husband casted aside. You felt so much shame and if you truly, frantically didn’t need his help, you would have never asked.

Doesn’t he know that? Does he care about you at all?

“I…I’m sorry.” You whisper

He doesn’t respond. No, you didn’t want to blame him.

“Jimin…I’m so sorry for everything…I got ahead of myself. Please Jimin…”

Still, silence.

“Jimin…I don’t know where you are…I don’t know what you’re doing but I know that I love you. I love you and I miss you and I need you so much that it hurts.”

…

“Jimin…would you please…please come home to me? Please.”

“I don’t know, ___.” He responds tiredly, “I just don’t know who you are anymore.”

By now you should have known it was useless for you to hold back tears. “You stood in that altar with me, right? You took my hand and told me you wanted to stay by my side forever. You said forever didn’t you Jimin?”

Again, you shared radio silence and you close your eyes and imagine him. His beautiful self, his past innocence. What should you do to capture his attention?

“I met Mina yesterday.”

At that you hear his breath hitch.

“W-what…where?”

“At the city mall…she’s still as pretty, you know.” You let out a giggle

“You’re prettier.” He jokes. It was so out of place but he said it casually.

You laugh. You laugh and laugh and laugh until you start to sob. Breath heaving and lungs sore, you sob into the receiver. Your face was wet, and your nose was running, you were sure you have never looked more unattractive. Being close to him once again opened up the flood of your insecurities, made you feel hyper aware of your appearance. Shame and embarrassment enfold in you once more and you feel your throat close in on yourself.

Him just casually joking around reminds you of the old days. Where you might have been broken inside but Jimin was here to mend you outside. And that’s what you needed right now, for him to glue your shards back together again. A porcelain doll is always hollow inside anyway.  

“…_-___.”

You cry louder at the sound of his voice. Your Jimin…you loved him so much.

“J-Jimin-hic-…pleas-please -hic- some home…I’ll change Jimin, I-I’ll be better, so please.”

He listens to you cry and his chest aches like someone pulled his heart out. This was something he was never good at, dealing with someone’s feelings. That’s why he never let anyone get too close, even if they felt like they were. Everyone…but you. Fuck, he shakes his head. No, you meant nothing.

But he still wanted to console you.

“T…the anniversary dinner is tomorrow, right?” He starts, his voice uncertain, “I…I’ll come then.”

“You will?” You hiccup, your own tone unsure

“I will.” He says, and this time he sounded confident. “I will come back home ___, just wait for me…”

“Promise me…”  

What else could you wish for?  

“I promise.”  

How could a little more waiting hurt you?

Jimin shuts of the phone and sighs. It seems like you were back under him, which is a relief. He smiles then, his heart soaring at the thought of seeing you again. Just imagining the look on your face would be enough to keep him satisfied for a long time.

See? You love her. A voice interrupts. It came from deep inside his chest. Conscious, they call it. He hated it more than anything. The only person Jimin loved was himself and the only person he needed was himself.

He’s not like those pathetic people that lust after him immorally. There were no similarities between him and them, there never would be. His conscious seems to disagree though, telling him once again, how much he loves her, someone like her.

Growling at his brain, he smashes the bottle down onto the balcony’s pavement. The shards scatter, glimmering in the moonlight of the pale city. He could see himself in the reflection.

And for the first time, he didn’t like who stared back.

You were waiting.

On that time of year again.

June 17th, the most special day of your life.  

You still remember it quite well; the well-lit Azul sky, the light specks of sand, the calming roar of the clear waves. It was the most beautiful morning in the universe.  

Yet you were a wreck of nerves, sweaty palms and jittery teeth. Jimin’s dad placed a hand on your quivering shoulder, your eyes shooting the gentle senior as he smiles at you consolingly. You were never close to Jimin’s parents, nonetheless they were always tremendously kind to you. A part of you felt so undeserving of their love, but Jimin would remind you that you have earned everything good in the world. Jimin…you couldn’t believe in a few moments you were marrying the love of your life. How and when did your life take such a drastic turn for the better?

Snapping from your reverie, you shyly nod your head at your new father and place your hand under his outstretched arm. And soon it starts – the piano melody signaling the curtains withdrawal.

As the fabric was removed from your vision, the picture-esqu sight came into view in front of you, making you hold your breath and faintly tighten your grip on the elder man’s arm. The audience immediately turned their heads, a pleasant expression of awe plastered on their faces. White and pink carnations, complimenting your long lacey dress, decorated the virgin painted benches and their petals littered the bleached soft satin carpet.  

And in front of it all – the audience, the flowers, your mother – stood Jimin. You lost control of your senses when you saw him. He stood perfectly still, hands clasped together and slightly taller than usual with his heeled derby’s and straightened posture. His black suit was stitched without a visible flaw, even in this bright daylight. It elongated his limbs and made them seem sturdier – rather well put as he jut his chest out ever so softly. Your eyes couldn’t break away, even as you began advancing towards him. Jimin too, stared right at you unwaveringly, like he could see no one but you at the moment.  

His hair was gelled back and brush to the side, letting the sunlight highlight his ethereal features. When you reached the end of the carpet, Jimin’s father took a hold of your hand and handed it to Jimin. As soon as Jimin’s fingers touched your palm, a spark of fire traveled underneath your skin and your arm broke out in goosebumps. He led you up the three-step stairs, into the altar where the priest stood in front of you both.  

“You look gorgeous.” He whispers with a cheeky smile

You break out into a shy smile, some of the rashness in your nerves leaving you.

His eyes never leave yours as the priest starts speaking and you could feel your own eyes well up as you hear the quiet sobs of Jimin’s mother.

After the small sermon, it was time for that big question.

“Do you Park Jimin, take ___ to be your lawfully wedded wife? To cherish her in sickness and in health? And never leave her lonely?”

For a moment you thought you saw a pause in Jimin’s smile. That there was a sudden weakness flashing across his orbs. But it was over, very, very quickly.

“I do.” He states proudly, causing all the unease in your lungs to vanish.

As the priest repeats the question to you, you take a deep breath, ready to state your obvious answer.

Suddenly though, you catch the eyes you’ve been avoiding the whole time.

Your mother. Sitting in the front row.

Without a smile.

“Don’t do this to yourself.”

“Mom, please…I’m getting married in a few hours. Why is this the only thing you have to say to me?”

The older lady inhales, her nostrils flaring in exhaustion. “I’m saying this for your own good.”

“No! You’re saying this for your own sick pleasure!”

“How could you think that way about your own mother?”

“…because let’s face it mom…you’ve never cared about me…”

She went silent after that. 10 minutes of arguing and this was what made her silent.

“Alright.” She spit, bitterly. “But when he ends up leaving you, don’t come crying to me.”

…

“I never have.”

“Madam?”

You jump from your daydream.

“Pauillac?”

A well dressed, older waiter stands in front of your table. He held out a bottle of expensive looking wine.

“Oh, thank you.” You say, holding out your glass.

Fast forward to seven years, you set up a reservation at the most popular 5-star restaurant in your city. It’s something you’ve done every year for four years, a month ahead because of the place’s demand and limited seating options. Even though your nerves were eating at you, you kept yourself alive. Today is the day you’ll see Jimin again. He’ll be back home again.  

Your body was yearning for his touch again, you felt yourself getting hot and cold at times for no reason. But it was alright, you were happy.  

You’ve gotten your hair, makeup and nails done at a salon today, wanting to look beautiful for your husband. It was red in color and light weight, to not seem overbearing, and you wish Jimin would like it on you. Imagining him complimenting you had you unintentionally beaming. Anything and everything he’d say tonight was bound to have you convulsing inward, you were just so excited to see him again.  

Having arrived 15 minutes early, you mess with the napkins and cutlery, making sure everything was straight and preppy. Your nerves were on high making you fidget and glance at the door every few seconds. Jimin’s promise rang inside your head as assurance. There was a letter clutched in your hand. Since there were so many – way too many things you wanted to tell him, you decided to write a letter instead.

He’ll be here. I know him.

Time went by a bit too slowly, so you took some sips of your wine. What should you say first to him. Oh, you should thank him for keeping his promise. That would make him happy. Then you should apologize for that night, negotiate carefully to not scare him away. You’d tell him of the progress you made, about how you were learning to stand on your own two feet so you wouldn’t bother him again.

Whatever you did, you could not afford to make him feel upset again.

As you continued to carefully plan out your time with Jimin, a voice resounded in your head.

“You spent your life trying to become someone they’d love, that you forgot about who you are.”

…

You were doing it again. Of course, you didn’t want to apologize to him…but you were more concerned with what pleased him. Sighing, you took another sip of your wine.

Where was he? You were beginning to get angsty. Tapping your foot against the floor, you signaled the waiter for more wine. 20 minutes had passed. 30. 40. Soon you were bombarded with voices echoing your head.

Lin. Irene. Yoongi. Mina. Your mother.

Everything they said over the past month haunting your insides until you shook. Stop it, you wanted to yell. All you wanted was to be in your husband’s arms. You aren’t stupid for yearning for love. Jimin promised.

1 hour.

You had begun to stare at the people around you, dressed so lavishly. They all look so content. How lucky they were. There was a senior couple a couple of tables away from you, the lady feeding something sweet to her husband. It made you smile, and your heart hurt even more. Jimin, please come soon.

2 hours.

Where was he? People were starting to notice you could tell, their shaped became nothing but eyes that beheld you with animosity. Eyes poking you in places that left you sore. You wanted to jump into a cold river. Wash away the restrictive feeling around your throat. No, you aren’t stupid for trusting Jimin again.

With a deep breath, you press his number, holding it to your ear with pursed lips. He doesn’t pick up. But you dial it again. What if something happened to him, you worry. There was a similar feeling inside of you. The one you felt when you visited this office that night. Your heart and mind pleaded with him.

Please, Jimin.

“…Hello?” A groggy voice answers

You smile – you actually fucking smile for the tiniest millisecond. Before realizing that wasn’t his voice. No, that high-pitched feminine voice wasn’t his. Your whole face falls.

“Ms. ___?”

Tina.

“H-hello, Ms-” You overhear some shuffling before you hear him.

“Kitten, who is i-”

No longer concerned, you hang up. You were so stupid.

Your face twitches, mind still frozen before the tears fall like rain. It was raining outside too.  

In seconds, your makeup’s all ruined, and the collar of your dress is strangling you. With so many people in the vicinity, you try to stop your tears but it’s no use – you can feel a few stares burning a hole through your head. You don’t even care to acknowledge the waiter who cheerily walks up to you pushing a cart.

“Ma’am here’s your oh-”  

He stops dead in his tracks in front of you, who’s silently heaving into the air. He’s at loss of what to do as he gapes at your wrecked state, in his sweaty palms he weakly holds the handle of the cart. On that cart laid a large 2 layer lavishly decorated vanilla-swirl cake. Jimin’s favorite. With two words written at the top in pink strawberry icing.

‘Happy Anniversary’

You had no clue where you were headed.  

The hush of the car pushed you forward. Your grip on the handle was deathly, frigid arms barely holding it eerily still and not crashing into one of the pawn shops on the right out of pure fury.

After the tears came the rage. You were so, so angry. And you didn’t give one single fuck.

Fucking Jimin, perfect, lovable, charming Jimin. Fuck him.

How dare he?

How fucking dare he not show up? How fucking dare he embarrass you like that? He lied to you yet again. And you, like the pathetic woman you are, fell for it again. It was like a drug, the wrath and despair within your system. Traveling across every nerve and every stream. Feeling like tiny needles prickling you all at once. You were so fucking angry.

It kept replaying in your mind. Tina’s groggy voice, her confusion…her pity. You couldn’t control anything, not your breathing nor your anger. All you wanted to do was forget about it all. Before you did something you really regret. So, you sped to the only place that made you forget once before.

You push the breaks to a halt, your body lurching forward at the sudden stop. Turning, you look out the car window, breathing fire through your nose. The loud beating of the music silently shakes the whole road. Bright red neon lights flare into your vicinity, reflecting even the puddles of the long dead rain.

Cypher Road.

With a humorless smirk, you open the car door, stomping your way out of the vehicle. Wasting no time, you sprint into the entrance with a slight stumble in your step and are immediately greeted by dancing bodies. It wasn’t any different than that other day – if anything, busier. The noise was so loud you could stop yourself from thinking for once. You brush past the lively bodies without a care, yet there is a small warmth with each touch of flesh that has you inhaling repeatedly.

Trance.

There is a joy of being here. You hadn’t wiped the scars of mascara off your face, your hair was a mess from you pulling on it. And your dress felt even lighter than before as you stepped onto the dance floor. The atmosphere was blinding, and you had come here to be filled with its addictive ignorance. How sweet it is to not taste the bitter reality.  

It was slow at first. You weren’t in rhythm with anyone, but then again when had you ever been. Spanning your arms out, you brought them above your head as you twirled once, twice – a few times. Every second you unraveled yourself, closing your eyes as your heels glided along the dance floor and you shook and turned. Swung and twist.

You wanted to lose all your energy here. Everything had to melt away.

With every move you made, your mind became light headed, stars amongst your seams exploded and the fast pace of the universe seem to lull. So, softly, you fluttered your lids open.

The first thing you saw were the bright neon green lasers, traveling across the dance floor from the ceiling. Then you notice how the whole floor had slowed, the laughing, the screaming, the motioned limbs. Everyone around you had begun moving along your timeline, your pace – the slow dance with life for the very first time. Somehow the music had lost all it’s upbeat fervor and your ears echoed a blue ambiance in its place. You felt drunk even though you took mere ounces of liquor.

Numb, you were more numb thank drunk. Your movements were sluggish and your mind in a deep haze. This is what it feels like to be high on grief. While your eyes were roaming the dance floor, they landed on someone. There was a girl, around 10 feet away from you, who caught your attention, you’re not sure why. Nothing seemed unordinary about her – not her short dress, nor her pretty face. The club was full of that. She dances as lethargic as the figures around her. What you kept staring at was the necklace she wore, the pure silver being the only color you could see on her as the darkness of the club muted all other colors.

But the second a citrus scent fills the air around you, she is long forgotten. You turn back in front of you to see him.

He, who stood a good 5 feet ahead, taller than Jimin. He, who wore an expensive suit with a colorful scarf tied around his long neck. Dusky hair and sharp eyes, a slight tan and fixed stare. It was in that moment time come to a complete halt. Just you and him, even breathing and secret heartbeats. His face tilted to the side, a smirk present on his inviting lips. You blinked leisurely.

“Nice to see you again, baby.” He said in his deep, sexy voice

You recognized his voice.  

Who could forget it?

The stall door slammed open as your body was pushed inside. For the first few seconds your breath was knocked out of you, just to fit into his mouth once again.

“Mmm-ah-”

His mouth was hot, heavy and wet. The middle of your spine shivered, sending a cursing sensation all throughout your body as you held onto his arms. The warmth of his shoulders kept you giddy, your face tilting to allow his tongue in further. His grip on your hips was tight, his fingers dangerously lurking your ass. You blushed as you felt your chest pressed up against.

He bit your lip and you gasped, your fingers treading into his hair as you tilted your head back. His lips kiss down your jaw, onto your neck as you moan loudly. The air was immense, the four walls of the stall closing in on you and you didn’t care one bit. You wanted to be swallowed. After nipping the soft skin of your neck, he looks up, into your eyes.  

As you stare into the endless abyss by your own glossy orbs, you could swear there was no one more beautiful.

He smirks yet again, making you clench. His thigh parts your legs as his warm hand travels along your hip line before he grabs your dress. Pulling up the light fabric, you feel his hot fingers on your bare skin. You try to hold back your voice but fail miserably as you whimper, holding onto to him tightly. Softly, his hand caresses your thigh, tender and slow. You close your eyes, your brows knitting in what you think was frustration and you hear him chuckle.

God, that voice of his.

The air is knocked out of you as his fingers land on that sweet, sweet spot. Your eyes opening to find his intense stare.

“You’re so wet, fuck.” He huffs, fondling you over your panties

Unable to properly respond, you blush. Biting your lower lip before you begin to rub yourself on him. You’ve never done that before. Taken control of the situation that is.

“Shit.” He mutters, staring you down as you shamelessly stroke yourself against him. Your freedom didn’t last long as he snakes an arm around your back, your chest crashing into his and his long digits slam into your core.  

“Ah!” You grab onto his arms as he scissors your insides.

“Fuck, baby,” He grunts, his low voice making you tremble, “You haven’t been fucked properly for a long time now, have you?”

His dirty words cause you to clench, curses once again slipping out of his mouth, “I’m gonna change that tonight – shit. I’ll fuck you so good, fill your nice and pretty cunt with my cum.”

You couldn’t say anything, lips trembling and back arching as his elongated fingers fucked into you, reaching such a depth that had you weak in the knees. Thankfully his hold was tight.  

“You want that baby? You want to be stuffed with my dick? I bet I’d slip in so – fuck – so easily, I bet I’d cum right away, what do you think baby?”

“Nn- oh, yes-” It slipped out, as his pace became faster, harder and you wanted to thank whoever created him for his blessed fingers. They were much longer than Jimin.

…

Jimin?

…Jimin.

In an instant your eyes shot open, “N-no!”

The guy made out a ‘huh?’ Before you pushed him away with all your strength. His back collided with the right stall wall, as you used the left one to stand up properly.

You suddenly become all too aware of the ring encasing your finger on your trembling hands. The warm atmosphere now defeated by a scorching heat. Your eyes became cloudy as images of your husband flashed through your mind. The man you swore your soul to, the man who you came home to, his smile, his love. What the hell were you doing? You were married! Married! How could you-

“H-hey? Are you alright? Was it something I said?”

The man reaches out for you, causing you to jump.  

“No!” You shout again, your loud voice echoing the stalls. His eyes fill with worry and the guilt threatens to spill out your throat. Did he know you were married? How would he feel about that? What were you doing? WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!  

You were wheezing without any cause. The air in your lungs felt painful, throat sore and breaths ugly. Panic…you were having a panic attack. The walls were closing in and the light of the restroom gave you a pounding headache.

“I-I’m sorr-” You manage to choke out before running out of the stall, not even daring to look back.

You ran and ran and ran. Pushing away from the heavy bodies littering your way. Sobs of pain left you, but no one even cared to look. This wasn’t what you wanted from tonight – you wanted to forget Jimin, not become him. Yet you can never forget how you reacted to that stranger, how sensitive your body was to someone who wasn’t your husband. Tremendous shame and guilt travel up your neck like parasites. Your eyesight had become blurry, all the overwhelming lights meshed together, and you couldn’t even see anymore. All that was guiding you was the reminder to get out of this loud place.

And it was then that you bumped into someone.

“___? Hey, are you alright? ___?”

A frantic voice, and grip on your arms pulls you back to reality. For a moment you just heave as he shakes you softly, grip firm and protective. Slowly, your eyes begin to clear and breathing slows. There you see Yoongi and you, standing near the entrance hall of Cypher Road.

“Y-Yoon…gi?” You mutter, out of air

“Fuck, ___, what happened to you?” Yoongi shouts, his eyes widened in concern  

“You lied to me Yoongi…” You mutter

“…What?”

“You lied to me!” You cry, pulling him off of you, “You t-told me…” Your voice breaks, tears filling your eyes, “You said he did nothing but fool around with his friends…YOU LIED!!!”

The anger in your voice has him putting up his hands in concern. “W-what do you mean-”

“In there!” You scream, pointing at the dance floor, “In your precious club – is a girl with a necklace!”

“A…necklace?” Yoongi squints in confusion, his head turning back and forth between you and the dance floor.

“A fucking necklace!” You roar as he winces, “A necklace…similar to the one Jimin wore some time ago…”

“___, there are plenty of ways she could’ve gotten that necklace, maybe she-“

“No!” You interrupt him, shaking your head vigorously, “That’s what I say! Those are the excuses I make! ...But not this time. Not when I recognize that special custom-made J pendant on her neck…”

You began to cry, hot fat tears rolling down your cheeks as your throat starts to close in.

“I-I could…couldn’t even see her face…I don’t even know what s-she looks like…” Taking a deep breath, you bring your hand to your mouth in embarrassment, “Yet I know her…because she wore my husband’s necklace so proudly. Like she owned it…owned him.”

Yoongi stares at you, at loss at what to say. The people around you gave glances and strange looks time to time. But still…no one cares long enough to stay.

“___...just calm d-”

“NO!” You scream again, cringing at the strain in your voice. “I won’t! I won’t calm down! I have every right to be angry!”

“I know that!” Yoongi yells cautiously, “I understand that-”

“No you don’t– No one does! No one knows how it feels to be in my position, no one- Or else you wouldn’t have lied to me!”

“You think I had a choice? You think I wanted to purposely lie to the woman who was staring at the ground a thousand feet below her like her only way out?”

“Just-” You bring your hands up, a sudden wave of exhaustion pouring over you, “I’m so, so tired…I’m so tired of being lied to, Yoongi. Please…please leave me alone.”

“__-” Before he could say another word you were rushing down the hall, out of the building. He stared at the exit you left from a bit too long, the bright neon of the sign hurting his eyes. Everyone else danced on, carefree, around him. His husband always told him this job would be his wolfsbane.

And he was right as usual.

As he’s debating whether to chase after you, a call of his name interrupts his concentration.  

“Hy- fuck, Yoongi hyung!” The pale faced man turns around to see the youngest of his pack shoving through multiple bodies in disdain. The taller man rushes up to him, breathing heavily, with a worried gaze.

“Taehyung?” The older asks with concern laced in his tone. What the fuck was happening? “What’s the matter?”

“S-she was…do you know where the girl who was just with you went? She was right here! The one with the red dress…soft demeanor…?”

Yoongi straightened up as Taehyung described you,  

“How do you know ___?”  

You sat at the edge of your world in silence. The winds of tomorrow’s past blew past you, your hair in rhythm with the fast-paced clouds above. For the moment, you would have preferred silence, but that was not a sentiment the city shared with you. Cars, honking, muttered chatter, you could hear it all. Passing through your ears like an afterthought. Your feet dangled as you held your heels in your hand. What were you thinking of showing up to that anniversary dinner?

What ever made you think Jimin would stop disappointing you?

As you stared at the glass structures you sighed, you always ended up back at the same place. The same kind of city, the same rain, the same broken heart. Perhaps the universe really was trying to tell you something.

A quiet hum stained your body, Keeping you sane from your sadness. It was crazy really, how many questioned can be answered in a day. With a deep breath, you reach out to into the night, stretching your arm. Hand laid flat against the air for a few seconds before you clasped it shut – as if grabbing something. What were you desperately searching for in the night?  

Your husband? Your life? Your childhood?  

Your happiness.

“Thought I might find you here…”  

It was routine then, the sudden loud beating of your heart. Your widened eyes, your frozen physique. The shaky exhale.

…

“I…tried to find you downstairs…in the apartment…but you weren’t there…”

Jimin.

You can hear him walk towards you. And you could imagine it, hands in pocket, the wind blowing through his hair, his relaxed stance and clear eyes. It had been too long…so long, just a couple days felt like years. It felt like something grabbed onto your heart, so tight you couldn’t breathe. You were too scared to turn. To look him in the eye.  

But you did anyway.  

And you just knew the universe hated you. It was him. It was him. It was him. His ethereal face filled with a halo no one could replicate. He was God’s most beautiful creature. How spiteful your creator must have been.

It was him. You wanted to reach out to him.

He stared at you, reading your eyes as you read his. But you both had stopped understanding each other’s language a long time ago.  

You both waited for the other to speak. Yet for some reason, you wanted this silence to last forever.

“…How have yo-”

“Did you fuck her?” You ask, your voice immediately breaking. His face turned pale. “When I trusted you…and waited for you…”

He looked away, mouth shutting and eyes squinting.

You had dreamt of this scenario a thousand times, and in each one you never came off this strongly. So, what were you doing right now? Why did you feel so guilty?

“You fucked her…did it feel good? Are you happy now that you’ve emptied your dick?” There was so much fury in each of your words, but you enjoyed watching him squirm. You didn’t even know half these words were in your vocabulary. “How has she been for the past week? Why did you even come, JIMIN? I waited, and waited, and waited in the pain of the unknown. All while you got your dick wet…And I always do that Jimin…I’m so stupid, aren’t I?

He says nothing.

“Tell me I’m stupid!” You slam a palm on the ledge, “Because you really make me feel that way! And for what?”

The tears you hold back wrapped themselves around your neck, making you struggle to get your words out. You wanted him to feel as hurt as you did.

“What have I done Jimin? What did…I do to you?” Breathing was becoming hard, your lips quivering as you stared at the beautiful somber devil. “All I did was love you, so why? Why do you t-treat me like this?”

It must have been an illusion of either your river-filled eyes or the bleak night because for a second you thought you saw despair and guilt inside him.

“I broke myself apart to try and fit into your world. Became happy for you, always did what you wanted, never questioned you-fuck I would’ve even had children if it meant you would stay with me…”

“God, I’m so stupid!” You roar, grasping fistfuls of your hair and pulling at it, “Here I was trying to be better, here I was thinking that those three girls had something I didn’t but that wasn’t it at all! M-Mina didn’t have lipstick on that night. She couldn’t have marked your shirt…but someone else did! Isn’t that right Jimin?”

You turn back to him, eyes wide and head pounding. “I thought there were only three girls…but there are many, many more aren’t there? I thought Jessica was the first time, but it wasn’t was it?”

Jimin finally looks up at you, and you realize you never said anything about Jessica. He didn’t know you knew.

“You’d been cheating on me…since the beginning…haven’t you? Here I thought I must have done something wrong after marriage…but I’ve been your plaything throughout this whole affair, haven’t I?”

He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. You slowly lower your arms, face and body still in shock.

“I’m so stupid Jimin…I felt special for a while…I’m so stupid…aren’t I?”

His face twitches, but his thoughts remain a mystery. You watch quietly as he closes his eyes, a soft exhale leaving his lips. It was too painful to keep staring at him, at the man you once loved more than anything. So you looked back at the sky, pleading for a chance to redo every single event since before you met.

“Jimin…” You whisper, voice pleading. Your sanity was on the brink and you wanted to be pulled in before you fell over. “Tell me I’m not stupid.”  

“I’m letting you go, ___.”

You really hated yourself in that moment. Your name coming out of his mouth felt so good, you almost didn’t hear the first part.

Almost.

“I have to let you go.”

And the first tear falls. Sliding down your cheek easily before the next one leaks. You close your eyes, letting the pain wash away at you for the first time in a while. The fall was long, you could feel the emptiness surround you. For a second it felt like flying, unobstructed and liberated.

“…”

“This has gone…beyond my control…___. I didn’t know what I was thinking, I just...” He looks at you, but you kept yourself inside your head. Arms numb and brain empty. “…I acted on impulse…I thought I knew what I wanted…I thought it was…”

You

“You are right…I have been cheating on you for a long time now…I never loved you…I just kept this charade on for as long as I could. And I don’t know why because I don’t love you…I d..d-don’t.”

That’s what you needed to hear, right? Just like that? Everyone’s been telling you this is better for you, haven’t they? So why are all your words stuck in your throat.

“I’ll go back to T…my friend for now…I’ll be back to pack up my stuff in the next few weeks.”

And with that he gives you one last glance before he turns. That was it, that was his whole explanation. What exactly had you expected? Why the FUCK did you keep expecting? You wanted to call out to him, your heart jumping out of your chest and latching onto his turned back. But instead of uttering a single peep, you listen to his footsteps all the way back to the door.

You listen as he touches the door knob. You listen as he twists it and pulls the door open slightly. All you do is listen when you can feel him hesitate, turning around to look at you.

For the strangest reason you remember the day you met him. That bright day, the soft wind and cherry blossoms. His bright smile and angel eyes, your innocent mind and open heart. It replays in your memory like your life flashing before your eyes. The wind picks at your toes and your body itches, yearning for something you couldn’t comprehend.

So much has changed since. This isn’t the same day, the same wind. There are no cherry blossoms, or smiles or innocence. You both are different now.

This was your chance to call out to him. To jump off this ledge and into his arms. But you just sat there. Listened as he turned back and left. And it was just you and the wind once more. The door closing felt like the cover of a book closing, that this was the end.

And against the fast-paced wind that night, you accepted your defeated.

There were no books out today…

That much you could tell as you stared at the small desk between the couches, dozing off as the sunlight from the large window behind hit your face.

Much like you, she also stared. At the distance in your eyes, the iris dim and face unreadable. There were many things she wanted to ask, many holes she wanted to poke. But she remained as restrained as her profession taught. For she knew the signs of unapproachable person at first glance, having read them countless of times over.  

Yet she couldn’t have you stay quiet the whole time.

“Is everything alright?” Lin spoke meticulously  

You didn’t answer.

She sighed, studying you as she shifted. What could she do right now to make you talk? You’ve been so quiet these past 3 weeks, almost like you didn’t exist. Last week you never showed up, Lin couldn’t help overthinking and dial your emergency contact – Irene, who dragged you over here in frustration.  

You had told her about Jimin, lifelessly stating everything that happened as if facts about your life that hold no meaning to you. She knew how much pain you were in, but your reaction to despair was abnormal since crying was the body’s healing method. It’s a healthy way to process emotion. Then the next week you became silent, were a no-show last week and didn’t speak a word today either. Lin had consulted Irene, who said Jimin had been coming over, taking more and more of his stuff which helped the therapist understand a bit more.

You were mirroring your safe space, becoming as hollow as your apartment was.

“___, please you have to talk to me. Just for a bit, alright? I can help you.”

“Do you ever…” Her thoughts were interjected as you spoke up quietly. She was instantly all ears. “Do you ever…want to redo life? If you could start all over again, without any of your mistakes…would you?”

Lin stared at you for a while. Your expression did not change, you continued to glare a hole through her desk.

“Well…that’s a difficult question ___. Even though a part of me wants to erase the mistakes I might have made… I think it’s important to have the knowledge of those mistakes…why I made them…what I can learn from them…etcetera…”

“Well what mistakes did I make?” You say softly, looking at Lin in her pretty brown eyes. “What kind of mistakes have I made…that I still – to this day – have learned nothing from?”

You were trying to hide it, but she could see it as clear as day. The barrage of emotions you tried to conceal in your pupils. “Why am I getting constantly punished and learning nothing?”

“Why?” You plead, throwing a palm over your head and slouching down in your hair, “Why should I always be the person in pain? I’m so, so, so sad and I can’t change that even though I want to!”

“Trust me L-Lin, I want to change so desperately, I want to! I want to crawl out of my skin and find a new body because everything hurts but I can’t leave me…I can’t leave me, I c-can’t leave even though he can…I can’t leave even though she can… but I can’t, I CAN’T!

“..and you know what hurts the most?” You ask her, to which she does not respond. “What hurts is that he left me…like I was the one who did something wrong.”

“…He left me.”

It falls dead silent after your outburst. The only sound echoing the room was of your steady breathing.

“W…why do they get to walk away whenever they want after everything they’ve done?”

Lin breathes out tenderly, her eyes on the glass table and the reflection of the sun behind. In moments like this, she wishes she really had all the answers for her patients. She really does.

“By she…do you possibly mean-”

“My mother.” You mumble. “The one person in the world that was supposed to love me unconditionally…the one who threw me away like a discarded doll…”

Lin blinks slowly. “It can be very difficult to deal with the trauma and pain from a parent who abandons you…” After deliberating for a bit, she speaks up, “Tell me ___, why do you think you’ve given your all to every authority figure in your life?

You sit back up after a shaky exhale. Nothing comes to mind, except Jimin’s smile. Life was exhausting.

“Be…because…”

Lin nods, encouraging you to go on.

“I wanted them to love me.”

“And why did you think being perfect at everything, work, household chores, unconditional love, would get you their love.”

“B…because…I don’t know…”

“Hmm, can you tell me the first time you noticed someone’s reaction to you being ‘perfect.’ A child hood memory perhaps?”

After thinking about it for a while, you nod.

“...When I was…in the first grade…I got an A on my math exam. I was the only kid and…and the teacher called my mom to tell her I got an A. I didn’t want to bother her so I didn’t do it. And…my mother…she smiled at me for the first time that day.”

You could sense Lin’s soft smile.

“So I tried to get more As but I guess she got used to it. When Jimin…when I would blush or be openly smitten with him…there was a twinkle in his eye. One I could never get out of my head. And I tried…so hard.” You close your eyes, “So hard to keep that twinkle alive even when I was dying inside…but I guess…even he got used to it.”

Opening your eyes, you look at your therapist. “That’s why I did it. So they could love me.”

You become quiet, playing with your fingers as Lin stare at you. Her mind was in deep thought.  

“___,” Lin sighs after a while, “You know that I can’t tell you to not be upset… you have every right to feel whatever you feel because what they did to you caused you great pain…but I think it’s time you learned how to love yourself. And for that we need to address the root cause of your issues.”

“My mother?”

“Your mother.”

You nod, contemplating what she said. Learning to love yourself? That was a concept so foreign to you. Could it really help you understand yourself? What could you possibly gain from it, what was there to love about you? Right now, you just wanted to sleep forever. Forget you exist at all.

Existence is a pain itself.

Maybe you should confront the cause of your existence then.

“Trust me ___.” Lin speaks, catching your gaze, “You deserve better. You deserve to love yourself.”

Oh, you just cracked the puzzle.

She had aged.

Your mom, who was always so tall. To you, she stood over all the towering counters and tables and light switches. Compared to her, you were tiny. Someone who always had to look up at her, stretching your neck and straining your eyes. At her, who easily touched things you could only wish to reach.  

She looks so small now. Wrinkles skin deep, frown lines too permanent. She, who was once the tallest person in your naïve, 5-year-old eyes. Someone you thought would always look as young, as beautiful.  

As cold.

You watch her, face trained to be still. Her posture was demure, lips sat motionless and eyes downcast. She wore a light earthy dress, full sleeves and prim collar…which was so very her. It was strange to you, how at one moment you wanted her to look at you more than anything. To acknowledge you.

But today you were content in studying her with a passive gaze.

“How have you been?” She begins quietly. You stare at her, then glance at her fidgeting hands in her lap.

The atmosphere was dim, a bit too lull for a restaurant during lunch time. Maybe you were suppressing the chatter and clatter, to focus on her. Again, how fitting.

“…I’ve been well.” I have not. “How about you?”

“Good.” She replies softly, staring at her steaming tea in interest.

You sigh, your shoulders moving up and down along with your breath. What were you expecting? This is a person you hadn’t seen in 3 years. Why would she suddenly be interested in you? Why should you be in her?

At that moment, you hear small laughter reach your ear. You turn toward the appealing sound, not sure why you wanted to find its source. Yet once you took it in, you understood. It was a child. A mother, and her small child. The lady was not much older than you, wearing a blue-green dress as she fed her daughter dress in pink a small piece of the steak she ordered. They seemed happy, content in the small moment they shared, and you couldn’t help but smile at them.

What a fantasy they were living, you hope they knew how lucky they were. Everyone seems to be luckier than you. For a while you felt like a kid staring through the window of a candy shop. Tsk, how ridiculous.

“I…I’m glad you are well…”

You turn back to the fragile sound of that voice. “It…I was happy to get your call…and you suddenly asking to meet me. I felt nervous…I don’t know why.”

Surprise was well written on your face at her words. This was not what you were expecting.

“And I…” She coughs as if her voice was raspy. “How have you been? H-how’s Jimin? I hope he’s taking care of you.”

She smiles then. A slight, delicate smile as she looks you in the eyes. This is not what you were expecting. Not from the woman who’s only given you cold shoulders when you’ve asked for warm arms.  

All you could think about was how she was never home for your birthday and the one time she was, you overheard her call it just another rest day on the phone with her coworker. All you could remember was asking her if she would come to your recital and she never showed, so you just sat there after the choir concert watching all the other kid take pictures and receive flowers from their family. All you could call upon was the time she forgot to feed you for almost a week, which was what made you begin cooking.

And for some reason, unbeknownst to you, you utter the thorn pressing against your brain.

“Jimin left.”

Her smile takes a second to drop. The color of her face wearing off as her eyes widen. Jaw parting as she looks at you, like a worried, petrified mother. It almost made you laugh.

“W…What?”

Concern laced her tongue and you felt anger as a natural reaction. This wasn’t it – it wasn’t how you were expecting this to go. The person you remember, the person instilled into your core would have sighed in disappointment. Gave you a cold look and a wintery frown. Told you she warned you. Why was she suddenly acting this way?

“_-”

“H-he left mom.” You say, your voice choking up, “You were right, once again. He left me, just like you said. Aren’t you happy?”

You spit the question with venom, your eyes welling up.

“___.” She repeats in that same pitiful tone. It sparked more fury inside of you.

“Aren’t you happy?!” You ask a little louder, the neighboring tables giving you a glance. “I’ll be signing divorce papers soon. You were right all along!”

“N-no, no.” She shakes her head, seeming as distraught as you. Who was this person in your mother body? Wearing your mother’s face.

“What, why?” You sneer, “Have I done something to upset you again, like I don’t know ask for some fucking food?”

“___, no. Oh my God, no.” She was crying.  

It was getting hard to see as you shook in your seat. The weight of the world felt like it was on your shoulder. And as you stared at the weeping lady in front of you, you felt like a child again. A child who hid under the bed, crying because of the thunder. Desperately wanting her mother to come home. But she never came.

“I hate you.” Your tough voice broke, “I hated you so much…I never knew how much I hated you until I found Jimin…even if his love was fake at least he acted like he cared. Why couldn’t you just fucking act?”

She begins to tremble. Fuck.

“I know…how much dad hurt you, but why did you have to hurt me? I needed you. I needed you, mom. I spent every single day trying to live up to what I thought were your expectations, I thought I had to earn your love. I thought-” You take a moment, shutting your eyes and feeling the aching beat of your heart. “I thought if I was the perfect child- if I didn’t cause you trouble, if I was quiet and stayed out of trouble y-you would at least smile my way. And still you didn’t…all of my accomplishments, all of the things I so hard worked for vanished just like that…”

“Tell me…why did you…abandon me?” You look at her and for the first time something feels different, although your heart continues to constrict. She looks so small in her light earthy dress, straining her shoulders and shaking her head.

“I am so sorry ___. I am so, so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, ___. I am so sorry.”

“But more than you I hate myself.” You continue, ignoring the sear of pain on her face with every word. “I hate that I can never be perfect for anyone, I hate that I can’t have a normal conversation without second guessing everything. I can’t even ask someone for help without having a mild panic attack! Did you know that? I hate how I am so sad and weak all the fucking time. I hate me, I hate me.”

“___, please, please don’t say that. Please.”

“Why, huh? So you can pretend to have a normal daughter, if you want to pretend I even exist today-”

“NO!” She screams making you silent. You could hear the whispering of the tables around you, but you pay it no mind. They were the lucky ones, they wouldn’t understand. “So you don’t turn out like me.”

“…What?”

She exhales deeply, her face morphed into anguish, “I never wanted you to be like me, ___. Never. Y-your father made so many promises to me, told me he loved me so much. I was a shy, quiet conservative woman who fell into his trap. Then one day he just got up and left. A-and I was so stuck I didn’t know what to do! No one taught me how to raise a child, I had no guidance, no family and barely any money.”

You listen to her silently. The air was thick and her breathing rapid. For some reason you really wanted to dry her tears.

“A-And then you w-were born. B-but every time I looked at you…I remembered what your father did. I remembered that I never wanted a child. I remembered that because of you…I couldn’t go anywhere and do anything, and I was trapped in the same damned town for the rest of my miserable days. I was so lonely and ashamed…I couldn’t hate you though…I tried but you were so small and fragile I just couldn’t. Yet it was easy to pretend you didn’t exist. So, I did just that…to help me cope, I pretended you weren’t there. That I never met a man like your father and he never betrayed me…”

She looks at her hands, “But I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have have…but I realized it too late…when you already met Jimin…”  

You tense.

“Since the start…he reminded me of your father, and it terrified me. I was so scared for you, and I tried to get you not to marry him. But you hated me, and it was all my fault. You sought for the love I couldn’t give you so desperately, that it was easy for you to fall victim to someone who wanted to take advantage of you. I prayed for you…for your relationship every day, I wanted to be wrong so bad…I did ___.” She looks up at you with a frantic gaze. “I never wanted you to be like me, never ever. I did so many horrible things to you. I’m so sorry ___. I’m so sorry. I know you can never forgive me, and that will live with me for the rest of my days.”

Your mom looks back down. Her expression empty and tears still. It seems like she let out all she wanted to say and now she was a ghost. There was nothing in her…nothing. She reminded you of herself, which is why you said the next words.

“I can’t forgive you…” You speak softly and she winces. “The young me…can’t forgive you. The one who was subjected to your neglect. The innocent child striving for a mere ounce of love and affection. The part of me that you disregarded every day until even I questioned if I existed. I can’t.”

She physically deflated, as if agreeing with your sentiments.

“But-” You interrupt her acceptance, “The me now…the me growing and changing and evolving every single day. The me who’s learned to be happier…who’s learning how to find herself and converse with others…the me who has learned to heal…that me. I…can forgive you.”

And you watch her as she takes a moment. Looking up at you like a star just exploded.  

“I can forgive you, mom.”

The next moments were a blur. She seemed extremely please, beyond ecstatic and you felt for her. Especially when she cried like a baby, and you think she was the child now. You mother was the small one now, the one who needed your love. And you weren’t going to be someone who repeats her mistakes. Everything you said to her was true. You could forgive her now. It would take some time, but strangely you understood her.

If Jimin left you with a child, you would have the hardest time acknowledging it. All the pain you would feel could be unintentionally directed at it. You were so glad you weren’t in her shoes. They were bigger than you could imagine. As you breathe out, you feel it all leave you. The resentment you’ve held onto for years. The resentment that grew too heavy for you to carry.

It was lifted off your back and you could breathe again. There were traces of bitterness left, staining the deepest corners, but you will work on washing them out.

“I…know it’s too late…but I will try to be better ___.” She looks at you with her swollen eyes. It was as of you were staring at your reflection.  

“I think you already are.” You say with a smile, directed more to yourself.

You really were your mother’s daughter.

_

It was silence once again.

A screaming silence, that woke your inner most core as you step into the vacant apartment. You were so tired. The meeting with your mom ran longer than you thought and now you just wanted to drown into your bed. Taking off your coat, you hang it by the rack before changing into your slippers. Without a second thought, you bee line for your bed room ready to sleep today off.  

But you halt in your tracks as you notice something on the dining table a few feet from you. A stack of white papers. You look around you, as if searching for someone before you look back at the table once again. It had been a few weeks since that night. Jimin would come by when you weren’t around, take more of his stuff and leave. Half of you was wondering why he was taking his sweet time and torturing you…the other half was yearning for as much time with him as possible.

With a defeated sigh, you slowly make your way to the dining table. Every single inch of this space had so many memories attached to it. Each step felt like reliving it all again. Once you bump into a dining chair, you can read the letters as bold as day.  

Divorce papers.

Oh.

Jimin was working quicker than you thought. You expected his, but not this soon. It hit you then. That you didn’t realize how real of this was until this very moment, as you reread those big black letters in the stiffest font. This was real, it was happening.

Jimin was finally going to leave you.

That’s right, he gets to leave. While you were stuck washing out the resentment.

So, you let out a breathless laugh. One after the other until you were full on laughing at the situation. Oh my God, you tried so hard and for what? You tore yourself up and for who? There was nothing left of you, you gave it all away and what did that get you in return.

You were so crazy stupid, it was insane. You actually apologized when Jimin cheated on you. You forgave him multiple times. You starved yourself, you loathed yourself, you killed the young girl just wanting honest love and respect inside of you. And you cried until your eyes broke and you’re crying now.

You’re crying for the girl who once stood in that mirror, pinching every ounce of her skin till it bruised. Scourging herself for never being good enough. You’re crying for your lost dignity, handing it to someone with clumsy hands you thought were loyal. You’re crying at how you lost who you were, not only in the longest seven years of your life, but ever since you were born. You’re crying because that’s all you ever did for you.

How different life would have been if your mother had taught you how to love yourself? If her mother had taught her how to love herself? If the men in your lives didn’t continue to ravage you of all you could offer. It felt like some sort of curse.

Which is why you fell to the floor to let it all out. The tremendous pain and grief that built over the years, the horrible conditions of your body and mind. Every single pore had to leak, only then you would truly be free.

You’re crying because you wasted your life away. You’re crying because you treated yourself this way, when you didn’t deserve anything but love, trust, and honesty.

You’re crying because you learned too late of what – who you should have loved.

You were crying because your book wasn't written by you, but by somehow who couldn’t care less about you.

You are crying because of what is and what isn’t.

And trust me when I say, you’re crying for the last time.  

_

You woke up today and the ache was still there, that mind numbing helpless feeling of isolation.  

But instead of that horrible drilling pain to the brain, it was a small tremor in the back of your head. And for the most part, you could ignore it. Sauntering down the hall with your many files, you stop in front of the large wooden door and stare at the name plaque. The morning air felt fresh. Maybe that was why you took so many deep breaths. And another one, before knocking on the door.

“Come in.” You hear an easy-going voice and you open the heavy door carefully.

“Ah! ___, I was just about to call you! Great job at that meeting by the way, you really wowed the investors.”

Your boss sat relaxed at the front of the vast room, in the middle of her bulky brown desk like some sort of royal.

“Thank you.” You smile, stepping into her large office. The air was cooler in here and a shiver ran down your spine at the sudden chill that intruded your light purple blouse. Your skin erupted in small goosebumps, both from the temperature and the sights of your grinning boss.

Not that you didn’t want to see it, you were just so unsure of what to do when it would inevitably fade at the news you were about to share. It’s what you’ve been scarred of from your whole life, the thought of disappointing an authority figure. But seeing as how two-thirds of them disappointed you instead, you really could not care anymore at this point.

She watches you pace your way up to her desk, small inquisitiveness in her wide set eyes.

“Did you have something for me?” She asks, pointing to the files in your hand with her gaze.

“Oh, these-” You put down the big stack of gray folders in front of her, “This is just something you have to look over.”

“I see. And what about that?”

Your grip tightens around the envelope in your now empty hands. “T…This is…my resignation letter.”

Her stare shifts from the envelope to you, mouth parting to display her surprise.

“Resignation?”

Throughout your life you always thought your body was a strange one. The length of the reactions you felt had to be abnormal, you continuously believed it. Do others feel this cold when they are alone? Do others feel this upset at the sun for rising? Do they feel the deep ache of the tragic finale that was the last 7 years? You sure did. But you still got up, you still made it out of that wretched house that was too bare to bear, and you kept it moving. And to you, that’s what matters.

There was so much thinking you did last night, so many thoughts flew in and around your head. You wonder how others reflect back on their life. What regrets do they swallow, what makes them laugh the loudest? What parts do they cry the hardest and who do they miss?

You couldn’t tell, you’d only been you the past 7 years. It was useless to sonder. So you didn’t, instead you thought about who you were. On that cold floor of the house you cemented with your naïve heart, tears dried by the very air you hated, you thought about the past seven years.

And the past 4 months.

The rooftop, the club, the people in your life, the people not, the heart break, the longing. You had always been analytical, and it was safe to say you had found the answer you sought.

It was funny how the answer became so clear once you only thought about yourself, obscuring yourself from other’s needs for the very first time.  

“Yes.” You state undoubtedly, cold long forgotten. “I’m resigning.”

Another sigh as you leave the room. But this one was of relief. Although a bit upset at losing her best employee, she had taken the news surprisingly well. She even encouraged you when you told her what you were planning to do after this. Irene would be glad to hear that.

Although the pain was there, it didn’t have a hold on you anymore. You wouldn’t allow it to.

“There you are!” You hear, jumping in your spot as your palm was still on your boss’ door handle.

As you look up, a handsome young man with bunny-esque features jogs up to you. His left arm was behind his back, concealing something from your vision. All you could focus on was the strain it caused his muscles.

“I was looking for you,” He comes up close and you could hear his rapid breathing. His lavender scent gentle invades your space. You look at him curiously, watching the way his face falls as he realizes where you stood, “Hey, were you meeting the CEO? You’re not in trouble, are you?”

The fact that he seemed genuinely concerned made you laugh. “I’m not.”

He exhales a sigh of relief. “Thank God, didn’t want you getting fired for being in love with me.”

For the longest time you had been avoiding him. Ever since thinking of him in that way, you ran away from wherever you spotted him. Yet you had forgotten how easy-going he was. How effortlessly he made you laugh.

“Pfft, please.” You scrunch your nose, “You’re a goofball.”

He just stares at you, a wide smile present on his face. Tilting your head to the side, you squint at him.

“What’s the matter?”

“N-nothing, you just…seem different today…from last time I mean.”

“In a bad way?”  

“No!” He shouts flustered, “I-in g- a good way! You seem relaxed.”

You break out into a laugh. He really was the brightest employee. It was a shame you didn’t get to spend more time with him.  

“Thank you.” You say, as you watch him blush fondly. “I feel different. Relaxed, I guess.”

I’m no longer cold.

His gaze travels down, as if he had something he wanted to say. Your eyebrow quirks at him when you remember he still had his arm behind his back.

“What are you hiding?” You ask with a sneaky smirk.

He grins back at you, displaying his large teeth. Biting his bottom lip, he swings his arm out,  

“Tah-dah!”

There were suddenly a bundle of white roses in front of you, a gentle scent of freshness blew past you. You subconsciously took a long whiff, the pure layered petals creating a picture-esque image. Once your surprise passed, you were left doubtful.

A part of you had forgotten the bet.

“Roses?”

“Yup.” The man holding the bundle up to your face beamed

Scoffing, you place your hands on your hips. “Are you kidding? You expect me to believe you found roses around the building?

“But I did.” He pouts, and for a second you were ready to blindly believe him. Until you caught ahold of yourself. This lying brat!

“Where exactly did you find these beautifully healthy flowers, hmm? The backwall where even weeds don’t grow?”

“Yes, actually.” He states just as proudly, “I planted them.”

Your eyes widen at his words. “You did what?!”

He moves closer to you, you could feel his breath hitting you as his face was adjacent with yours. “I. Planted. Them.”

“T-that’s…Y-y-you ca-”

“Why not?” He asks with a mischievous glint in his eye, “The bet was to find flowers on the property, it doesn’t matter where they came from. And like you said, there’s some gorgeous land on the backwall.”

Your jaw drops slightly at his reasonings. You wanted to continue arguing but instead you just stood there watching him giggle in the most adorable way.

“You wanted pretty flowers, I got you pretty flowers.” He winks, handing you the roses. “Think of it as a one-month anniversary gift.”

Oh, right. He still thought you were new here.

His naivety makes you burst into laughter, the first genuinely happy expression you’ve made in months. It was mystery at first, but now you knew now why you liked him so much. The youthful nature, the sincerity he displayed was alluring. You didn’t have to be any front you had put up in the past in front of him, instead you were just another person. Someone normal for once.

“Thank you Jungkook.” You laugh as he proudly holds up his nose. Just as your eyes twinkle upon him, you recall upon something suddenly. Reaching into your pocket, you pull out a small piece of paper, your number scribbled on it long ago. Honestly, you couldn’t help but like him.

“Here. You earned it.”

He looks at your hand extending the paper, as your other holds the roses close to your heart. His heart beat quickens at the sight, you were so graceful and effortlessly beautiful, he wanted to know you more and more. Jungkook knew when he first saw you, the traces of a secret battle all across your face. Although he didn’t want to pry, he couldn’t help but let his heart be captured by the silent beauty that shone from you as natural as daylight.

“Thank you.” He mutters, his ears turning red.

While you look at him staring at your digits in awe, you found him to be an absolutely enchanting man. And you wanted him to know that, so you step up to him, softly connecting your lips with his cheek. You could feel him freeze under you, and it made you feel enthralled. It was nice, being in control for once.

“I’ll see you around, Jungkook.”

With that you sauntered down the hall, almost turning the corner before you hear his melodious tone stutter out to you. “T-this Saturday? It’s a date!”

Although surprised, you said nothing, just continuing to walk along the hallway. But you couldn’t help the grin that broke out on your face, thankfully obstructed from him, of course. You felt giddy all the way back to your office. Once you were there, you squealed in glee.

Through your small jumps and smiles, your phone rang, startling you. Already? You thought before checking the caller ID. In a flash your beam dropped, orbs beholding the name anxiously. How did he get your number? With a hasty sigh to calm you nerves, and an oddly guilty feeling, you decidedly answer the call.

“Hello…Yoongi?

Meanwhile, back at your boss’ hallway, a certain bunny boy hadn’t moved an inch. Argh, he felt so stupid. Why did he ask you out so fast? The plan was to first call you, maybe get to know you. But somehow, when you told him you’d see him around, it felt like a goodbye…the forever type. His gut told him he had to act quickly.

You didn’t even respond though…wow he felt dumb. Huffing, he rubs his face with his oversized hands. He didn’t blow it, did he? Should he call you tonight to make sure? Did you even want him to call? Well, obviously, you gave him your number!

As he was faced with a silent moral dilemma, he fails to register a young woman pacing up to him.

“Hello?”

He jumps with a small scream, which has the lady confused. She recognizes him though, he must’ve been one of the new recruits. Yes, the overly enthusiastic one.

“Umm, Mr. Jeon, right? You were just speaking to the supervisor, weren’t you? Can you give her this last gray file for me, please? I forgot to hand it to her.” With that the lady clacks away in a rush.

Jungkook stares at the file. She must have been talking about you. He smiles, thinking this gave him a valid reason to look for you again without seeming like a creep. This time, he’ll be more suave – more stress-free with his methods. This time, he’ll have his answer. The stretchy smile soon disappears, however, once the lady’s words fully register in his mind.

Did she just say supervisor?!

It was subtle really, blink once and you’d miss it.

Jimin softly shut the door behind him, looking into the dim living room he never quite got used to.

Did this place always feel so empty? He thought, staring at the walls with disinterest. He’s never had to be in here alone, he realizes. You were always here to warm the spaces between the loneliness.

But who was here to warm you?

It didn’t matter anymore – you didn’t matter anymore. You had changed, you weren’t the person Jimin agreed to marry. The you now weren’t someone he recognized. Time passes by too fast; he couldn’t keep up with it anymore. That’s why he wanted to end it with you as quickly as he could. Wasn’t it just yesterday he was confronted by you? Was it yesterday when he broke everything off?

He really couldn’t remember.

Oh, but his body sure did. His face grew thinner every day, arms losing the vitality his lithe limbs always presented. It was like his body realized you were leaving him and began a protest of its own. No one from college would recognize the Jimin he was now, the one who started to speak a little less. The one who stiffened his neck and sagged his shoulders. This wasn’t their Jimin.

As he stared off at the dining table, his mind recalls upon that rainy night. Where the distance between you started to grow like poisonous gas. It was the first time he felt the detachment from your side, since before you had always made yourself emotionally and physically available to him. Needless to say, he abhorred it, he hated what you had become. All without understanding the irony.

Jimin was someone who never understood his faults, too busy picking out the mistakes of others. Another thing he slighted in was confrontation, because he’s never been called out. Only when he looked in the mirror recently did he have the worst of days, lashing out at himself, at Tina at his friends and coworkers. Yes, he kept himself quite busy. Everyone was beginning to leave him, and he was getting desperate. Running his hands through his hair, he starts to trudge towards the bedroom. He was exhausted, shifting between work, leaving you and consoling Tina. His scandalous lover wanted to make a life with him, he just wanted to rest, maybe for a month or two. It’s alright though, he could just keep himself in her safety for a while before running off to whatever new toy he found next.  

Once he’s inside the bedroom, he freezes involuntarily. The sight of the familiar place had his heart yearning. It made him angry, that feeling of attachment he could possibly have connected to you. You were nothing to him and these days you were a headache to deal with. He gave seven years to you, you should’ve been grateful. Now he just missed the old you, the you who would follow him blindly. Jimin wasn’t made to be questioned.

So why did he feel like puking his guts out onto the floor? Why did it wound him to blink? Face it, the voice inside sneers at him. You love. Someone like her. You’re pathetic.

No, he doesn’t.

Yet he recalls upon another buried memoir. When he first started dating you, he slept with another girl in the same week. That’s what he did to all the girls he ‘dated,’ it turned him on to know people desired even if he was ‘taken.’ It was then as he held the other woman asleep in his arms, you texted him ‘goodnight’ and a bizarre feeling came over him. Guilt. He became so afraid, he ignored you for a week. Until he yearned to see you again. And why exactly should Jimin deny himself of anything he seeks? The same situation occurred a few more times, till it became a habit like alcohol. Although it may burn the next day, in that moment you enjoy the carnal pleasure for what it was. Pleasure.

He would never admit that other women never gave him the same sensation anymore, that you and the vanilla and wholesome sex meant everything to him at some point. Never, ever. Because he didn’t love you. The beating in his head couldn’t convince him otherwise.

In all honesty, he didn’t have an answer himself. Why did Jimin marry you? He didn’t love you…you just asked him about it once. Subtly hinting to marriage when asking him about what his thoughts on it were. Of course, you’d want commitment, every damn bitch wants commitment. And in that moment, he should have shut you down. Should have used his charms to make your place clear to you. Yet he didn’t have it in him to hurt you. Instead he proposed to you the next week, thinking that you’d vanish like the other girls when he made his intentions clear. But why? Why were you the only one different? It wasn’t like he loved you.

He didn’t.

Which is why it was easy for him break it off with you, wasn’t it? So easy, that he hadn’t slept or eaten in days.  

He was on the brink, his conscious just needed a little more push to take over.

Jimin wasn’t here for anything big today. Just searching for a custom J pendant he seemed to have lost a while back. Sadly, he didn’t know if it was you or not – he didn’t know where it was at all actually. Maybe he left it here, maybe he left it with another faceless girl he fucked senseless. As soon as he forces himself back to reality, he begins to look around. He was already late today, and you would be home soon…he didn’t want to run into you again.

Cluttering about, a bit staggered from his lack of forte, he steps up to the bedside drawer in one swift motion. He pulls open the drawer, running his fingers through all the items present inside. It was then that he stumbled upon a letter.

Marked with his name.

He couldn’t help but feel curious, drawn to your timid handwriting on the otherwise blank paper. Picking it up, he opens it to find hundreds of words scribbled together. Although the words were slightly messy, there were no mistakes he spotted, leading him to think you must have rewritten the letter a thousand times.

His breath was in his lungs, his feet glued to the floor. Something inside him wanted to put it back – leave it alone, his nauseous gut giving him another warning. But he began to read it anyway. Because why should Jimin be denied from anything he seeks?

Dear Jimin, the letter began and Jimin’s eyebrow twitched.

I’m not sure how to write this. I’ve rewrote it so many times already my wrist hurts. But I do want to tell you all of this, and as I am not the best at conversing my thoughts across, I would rather jot them all down. In hopes that my heart could reach you through them.

I’ve recently done a lot of stuff I never thought were possible for me. I made a friend, I learned a new interest, I took up therapy. There’s so much I want to talk about! But I’ll keep it short. Even through everything I did, I thought of you. Every corner I turned; ever route I took. Somehow, I felt you were on the other side, waiting for me.

No matter what anyone said, it didn’t mean anything to me. Just you, Jimin. And I realized, how much I need you. How I can’t lose you. I lost my mother Jimin, I lost her because I wasn’t perfect, and I know, to you I am not perfect.

But to me, you’re perfect Jimin. Which is why I don’t care what anyone says. I’m scared of coming home lost and cold, I’m scared of losing my home, which is you. I know I haven’t been great to you these past few days and the truth is I was hurt. I was alone and scared, but I should have known...I should have remembered who you are to me.

These past few years I am beyond grateful for. Thank you for spending your days growing old with me. I remember all the little stuff. Like that time, we went to the theater and you ordered too much popcorn and the aftertaste of the butter lasted in your mouth for a week. You always said me kissing you made the taste a bit more bearable. Or what about that time I got malaria and you stayed up for three days with me in the hospital? I have never seen you so scared.

That’s our love, Jimin. Those days mean so much to me, I wish you would remember them.

No person can get between us, Jimin. I won’t allow them. I want to apologize to you; I want to take everything I said back. I’ll be better, Jimin. I’ll remind you why you wanted to marry me.  

I’ll be perfect, Jimin.

So, please. Come home to me...darling.

Sincerely, your loving wife.

The door slammed open and shut, breaking him out of his concentration. Jimin was too immersed, he didn’t even notice how much time had passed. All he did know were of the tears that lingered his sockets. With an aching inhale, he practically ran out of the living room to catch you by the entrance. It was like magic then, you were a sight to behold. A most beautiful fairy.

You were in the middle of removing your heels before you noticed Jimin’s presence. It made you halt in your tracks, your hand still carrying your small pumps. He holds you inside his gaze with such intensity, it makes you gulp. What was he doing here? Had he always looked this sick?

…Was he crying?  

In moments he was upon you, his strong arms molding around your limbs as he exhales into your neck. You were as stiff as a board, confusion and angst swirling your mind.  

“J…Jimin, wha-”

“I love you, ___.”

…

What?

“I love you, I love you ___.” He repeats, moving off you to stare into your eyes. His orbs were bright, glazed but sparkly. All you could do was gape at him.

And in the midst of your shook state, you peak at the letter clasped in his hand.

He follows your gaze, holding up the paper to you.  

“Let me explain.” Jimin pleads, seeming sincere for the first time in…forever. “T-that night, our anniversary night, I wanted to come home to you. I really did. But Tina got into my head with and she...she manipulated me. Into thinking I don’t love my own wife! I was so confused, so instead I decided to listen to my carnal desires once again, push you out of my mind the only way I knew how.”

You were still trying to process everything. Why was he here again? “Wha...what?”

He looks sad just then, beyond exhausted like he was on the brink.

“I love you…___. Everyone’s leaving me these days, but you. You were always there for me.”

“…Jimin…”

“___, I…I have been in a lot of pain since I left. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I missed you so much. I never wanted to admit it, I always ran from it. And you were just…always so understanding…that I never looked back at my actions. Never thought what I was doing might hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

It hit you like a truck. Jimin apologized. This was the Jimin you saw that day after Mina. The vulnerable, broken boy.

“You’ve been coming on so strong…I couldn’t handle it. I thought I finally got the chance to break it off with you and be free…but I was wrong. I was wrong. I love you, ___. I don’t know since when but maybe I always had. And being away from you helped me understand that, the agony I felt. The yearning…I never want to leave home again. Your letter helped me understand! You make me a better person, ___.”

Jimin smiles, “So I’ll stay. I’m home ___. Thank you for bringing me home.”

Once again, he wraps you in his hug, ready to end the night with you in his arms. He finally feels free after so long, the spikes slowly removing themselves off his body. You were his energy, he realizes, you would help him get back on his feet. Finally, everything will be okay again, finally he can have you within his pincers once more. How he’s missed the delicious taste of eating you alive.

But as happy as he feels…he couldn’t help notice you weren’t responding.

Slowly, he unwinds from you, muddled. He takes a look at you, you who didn’t make any face. You who weren’t reacting to him the way he always knew you would.

Instead, you just glared.

It was his turn to be flustered, his turn to take a step back and process everything.

“___?”

“I…don’t love you, Jimin.”

Silence. As if you just dropped a bomb. His eyes widen, before squinting at you.

“W-what? Since when?” He almost sounds offended

“Since just now.”

“…What are you saying, ___.” He scoffs, taking your hand in his. You weren’t wearing your ring…again. “You love me.”

“I don’t.” You say more firmly, removing your hand from his. Jimin just stares at his now empty palm in surprise. “I don’t love you Jimin, and I’m not sorry about it.”

When he doesn’t retort, you sigh. “Jimin, did you know…a few days ago…I heard my secretary on the phone…she was talking to her boyfriend.” Looking down at how close your bodies were, you take a step away from him as courtesy, but you fail to regard the way his face grimaced at your distance. “He told her ‘I love you’ and do you know what she said?”

You look back up at him, and Jimin wonders if you were truly asking him for a second. “She told him ‘I know,’ just like that. Almost like she took it for granted, you know. But I didn’t think of it like that…instead I was jealous of her. Because in her mind, she doesn’t have any doubts that her boyfriend loves her. Which is why she’s able to respond so casually like that…he gives her so much love, that she never has to second guess her answer.”

Giving him a moment to register everything you said, you pause for a bit and smile.

“And Jimin…I have never felt that way with you.”

He winces.

“I have always doubted myself, second guessed your love and honesty. I always thought ‘there’s no way he could love me’ and there was nothing you did to convince me otherwise. But do you know Jimin? Do you know how many times you’ve said, ‘I know’ when I told you how much I love you?”

“_...” His voice dies

“That’s what I want, Jimin. I realize, it’s what I always wanted. That unconditional, blatant love. That’s what I deserve. I went through so much…yet I held onto you still. No matter what anyone said. And if anyone was looking at me right now, into my life, they would think I was crazy. But it was just that I couldn’t let you go. I couldn’t do it, I don’t know why. I just couldn’t…”

There was a glimmer of hope in his dark pupils.

“Even in that letter…I held back so much because I was afraid of surprising you. I could never be honest with myself. So that’s why…thank you for letting me go. For leaving me. Do you know how much I accomplished when you left me, how much I couldn’t accomplish in years? I had an actual orgasm, I left my job, I’m going to start a restaurant with my best friend, Jimin, I gave a guy my number.” His face went through many changes; anger, shock, hurt. But you continued on anyway. “All of that, just because you weren’t around poisoning me. Leaving me was the best thing you did for me, Jimin.”

He begins to tear down, tears fall in his eyes and he looks away. His jaw was clenches and his nostrils flared, telling you he was upset. But you didn’t feel satisfied, you didn’t feel happy that he was as hurt as you had been. You felt nothing for him. Maybe except pity.

Carefully, you step closer to him. Taking his face in your palm.  

“And I hope, Jimin, that leaving me helps you as well. That you stop chasing after meaningless convictions and you find whatever it is that can keep you grounded. You’ve hurt a lot of people Jimin, and for that you will suffer a lot as well. Me, all the girls and people you threw away after using. We never could help each other together, but we can help each other apart. It’s going to stab for a while, and you’ll feel as cold for a very long time. But then, I’ll pray for you to learn Jimin. I’ll try.”

And that was that, the ache lingering in your heart, was pushed all the way down to your stomach. It was still there, but not bothering you as much. Not controlling your destiny any longer. In your senses a melody played in the background; a constricted melancholic piano melody dedicated to love, to the happiness and woes.

This man you stared at, the man you once loved for seven whole years, who was he now? He couldn’t be blamed for everything, you had given him chances to hurt you again and again after all. More importantly, who were you? Definitely not the same woman you’d been when you first found out about Jessica. Not Mina. Not even the new one. You were changing, always evolving and you were proud of that.

You really were so thankful that Jimin had decided not to come home that night. That he continuously left you alone, to stand on your own. Because now your legs felt stronger than ever. There were a lot of people you were thankful for, a lot left to confront but this was your story. So good job you. Your love was first and foremost for yourself. Of course, you’ll continue therapy, you’ll work hard to open a new restaurant, you’ll try to give yourself the happiness you always deserved. Not every day would be great, some days you were going to struggle and there would be a lot of tears. But they’ll be your tears, your struggles, your joy, they won’t be based off of some other person’s mood.

This was only the end of Jimin’s chapter. Your real story will begin from today.

You were never going to convince yourself otherwise. Were never going to push down your feelings and act like they didn’t exist. That was the least Jimin had taught you.

It really was nice outside that rotten cocoon.

He was quiet for the first time in ages, and you honestly preferred silence from him. There were a lot of stupid things he said once he opened his mouth. Why should he become a better person from your pain? What kind of creator allows that?

After a moment of staring at his lost soul, you take a deep breath, exhaling softly. You couldn’t stay here too long, Yoongi had called you, getting your number off someone named Joy, asking you to come over to Cypher Road. He wanted to apologize for that night, as well as meet someone. If Jimin needed help, he should go search for it like an adult.

“Ok, umm…finish up whatever you were up to…I have to head out.” You say, turning around. Jimin doesn’t respond, but you couldn’t care less how he feels right now. “And I signed the divorce papers, they are on your shelf in the closet. Tell me when they are finalized, I’ll be free all week.”

You turn the door handle, pulling the door open halfway before remembering something and spinning back to him.  

“Not… Saturday though. I have a date.”

[aliynavenus]

‘A Little Adjustment’                                          a damirae fanfic 

Prologue

next chapter is out click here to read

“Aw man how much longer till lunch I’m starving.” Jon groaned impatiently, leaning against his chair, acting as if the hunger was going to end him right then and there. 

“Relax. We only have half an hour.” Damian didn’t even lift his head away from the textbook he was reading, the study of hidden techniques of the katana, Of course, the academy would never actually have this in their library so he had to take a part in bringing his own interests from home. Even though he knows every little thing there is to know about his sword, it was the only thing that interested him while passing time during his study hall. 

“Hey look, that transfer is in our class.” Jon leaned in across the table nudging his head to where a young girl sat on the couch displayed across from them, “I heard her name is Rachel. Some people have been talking about her already. They say she gives off like a bad vibe or a scary one, something like that. I mean she does look rather anti-social” he paused, thinking. “Just like you! You should talk to her.” 

Damian didn’t even bother to look up, “You know I have no desire for women.” It was like a reflex when he said it though it was true. Never in his life did he care for women like that, even after all those damn setups his brothers have put him through, yet he always left the girl either crying or shut the door right in their face when they arrived at the manor. 

“You’re no fun. Tons of girls swoon if you even speak to them.” Jon glared at him trying to get Damian to understand yet he got nothing but his eyes wandering at the damn book, “You’re hopeless, I can’t wait to meet the girl who actually makes you feel emotions,” pause, “I’ll be back I have to use the bathroom.” 

Tsk. It felt like everyone around him was wondering if he had any sensibility. His brothers, Jon, even his own father, were all meddling into his life wanting him to be more “sociable.” Like that would ever happen. He wasn't trained to have empathy, he was trained to assassinate anyone that meant necessary feeling no guilt out of it. He was supposed to be the next heir to the league. Yet that all went away when he turned 14 and came here. Even though it’s been 2 years since then he really hasn’t made that much improvement in the realm of “socializing” as his father would say. 

What was the point of it anyway? Everyone at the damn academy were all prids who cared only about their wealth and status having no sense of what actually goes on behind their boring life. They were all the same. Not once has he ever felt like anyone could compare to him. No one could understand the insufferable anguish of destiny to become merely just a weapon to then having to adjust to living ‘normally’, to know that the person he once admired was a demon himself. It all vanished, so what was even the point to get to know someone if they didn't understand. 

Damian lifted his head finally releasing his sight from the textbook. He groaned, craning his neck to stretch it. His version began drifting to the scenery of the library until something caught his eye or someone, someone who he’s never seen before. 

A girl with dark raven hair with pale skin seated on the cushion brown sofa, alone. Oh, this must’ve been the girl Jon was talking about. Her face was stuck to a book. ‘The Truth of the Realm of the Underworld’

He felt taken aback at that, no average girl around here would ever touch a book like that. It almost intrigued him. He tilted his head slightly trying not to be noticeable that he was looking for the features of her face. Finally she lowered the book.

And that’s when he saw her. 

She looked so fascinating and mysterious all at once. Her features were delicate and soft, it was if he could see hidden secrets behind her face, behind those violet eyes if anything. Those eyes, those damn perfect eyes. They were something he’s never seen before. Even at a distance he could see her iris were full of infinite specks like gems. This was the girl people said they feel bad energy from, how in the hell can that even be. She didn’t look scary or anything, she looked pure. 

His chest tightened as he stared at her. What has gotten into him? It was as if he could hear his heartbeat quicken pounding against his ears. A lock then fell out of her hair framing her face, simply tucking it behind her ear, he felt his jaw tighten. Fuck she looks cute. Damian never noticed the uniform on the girls in the academy but the way they fit on her, it was mesmerizing. 

It hugged her perfectly. The clean white button up blouse with a neat red tie around her neck. The short plaid skirt--extremely short, laid perfectly at her thighs. Her skin even looked velvety like a smooth canvas with no imprints. She was so beautiful. 

He then felt his throat being choked by the damn tie. Like that helped his body relax. He never felt more desirous to talk to someone, to know every little thing about them, to touch them. She was something that looked restricted, too good to even lay a finger on, especially with his guilty hands. He needed to know more about her, to understand her, so much that it made him eagered.  

“Everyone! Please evacuate to the main room! I just got word that the city is under attack!” The librarian spoke loudly, alarming everyone to quickly rush towards the exit in panic. 

Rumbling was heard from outside the room, making the floor vibrate within their feet. Sirens of ambulances were blaring outside echoing through the glass windows. Damian needed to get away from these people so he could change. Damn it why did there have to be so many snobs in this damn study. Pushing past everyone to leave the crowd to run to the empty hall to find his locker for his uniform. “Damian! Here!” Jon shouted who was already disguised, throwing Damian’s duffle bag that he kept his uniform in, “Hurry. Bane is throwing grenades everywhere outside the school and having his minions raid the bank.” 

“Thanks Jon. Everyone should be in the main room, make sure they're safe. Don’t let anyone leave the building! Contact Wally and Donna while you’re at it” Damian hollered rushing towards an empty classroom to change. 

“You got it, boss!” 

Changing quickly Damian launched the grappling hook gun to extend out the nearest window to swiftly take him outside to see Bane’s minions robbing the bank across the street from the academy, like that was such a coincidence. Landing perfectly on the ground annihilating himself to his enemies as if they were no more than punching bags. “Your combat could use an increase in reaction.” flipping another minion onto an agonizing pile of them. 

“Robin! Someone is stuck under rubble on the corner, they need help!” Wonder girl yelled in the air with a woman in her arms retrieving her to safety

Damian nodded, running towards the place Donna was referring to. There was someone, someone from the academy. It was Rachel.

What the hell was she doing out of the academy it was a lockdown. He didn’t expect their first meeting to be introduced to her as Robin but hell with it, he needed to get her to safety. 

Rachel’s ankle was stuck under a piece of construction, from one of the grenades that wrecked the concrete. Placing his hand at the small of her back for comfort, “We’ll get you out, stay calm”  and she was. He found it rather strange at first normally people would panic and cling to him wanting to get out in harm's way but she was perfectly fine when he rushed to her. Does she normally get trapped under rumble?

“Robin, watch out!” looking above to see enormous pieces of construction falling right to their direction, instantly taking a hold of her head bringing it close to the crook of his neck, shielding her body with his, waiting for the rumble to crash into them. But it didn’t. When he opened his eyes Raven’s hand were up in the air, dark magic appearing out of it connecting to a force field surrounding them in a bubble protecting them. 

His eyes widen, holy shit. No wonder, she didn’t just seem different to him before, it was because she was. She was a sorcerer.Sure he’s seen tons of shocking things in his life that never appealed to him but this one, it was a whole different story. It was unreal.

Rachel sighed hopeless when she used her powers to lift up the construction under her to release her ankle. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag.” she chuckled dryly against his shoulder, at her charade was now over. 

Damian pulled her head gently away from his shoulder, “Is your ankle injur-Argh!” A sudden hit from a baton was swung against the side of his head. One of those damn criminals managed to get a hit on him by surprise. Damian gritted his teeth ignoring the blood rushing down his head turning to the enemy to torture him. Although that didn’t even need to happen when he saw the masked man being lifted from the ground and flung to the other side of the street. 

“Are you okay?” her worried voice came behind him leaning her body up towards him to touch the damage of his head. It was the first time he’s ever heard her speak, her voice was soft yet filed with emotion when she saw his wound. He felt the touch of her fingers gently being dozed in his blood against his skin. Even though he had farther worse injuries than this it felt like her touch burned him, yearning for her. 

He felt his throat dry up, “Yea, it doesn’t hurt.” she looked at him with worry “I’ll be fine.” he assured her. “Isn’t your ankle hurting.” 

“I didn’t want people to see I had powers, it didn’t hurt me. But I can heal you. Let me heal you please it won’t take long.” concern was filled in her expression. He felt his stomach twist with her touches on his arm and head. It was almost like he surrendered in her grasp. 

“Okay. Do it fast.” 

She nodded rolling up her sleeves, placing both her palms on the side of his head. Amethyst. That was the color of her eyes up close. They were big and gazing and full of mystery that he wanted to seek. Seeing her face up close, she was naturally beautiful. He felt his chest tighten once again but this time he felt like his whole body felt tense having her in his reach. Shortly he felt the slow stings takeover the wound, yet it wasn’t painful. It felt bitter but a pleasurable sensation overriding his damaged flesh. It was warm and contagious feeling her powers run through his veins. Sensing his bloody wound reattaching onto clean skin, admittedly it felt enjoyable knowing this came from Rachel. He let out a soft breath from his lips as he felt the tenderness disappear, damn it felt good. 

Then something unexpected happened, writing in a form he never recognized appeared on her arm in glowing red ink. What the hell? Is that normal? Something told him it wasn’t seeing her face expression change. It didn’t look like she knew that was going to happen either. He watched as it soon faded away leaving not a mark on her skin. 

“What was tha--” 

“Robin! We need your help here!” Donna and Wally called out to him who were tangled up in forcing Bane to the ground but having trouble in doing so. 

“Right” he nodded, lifting her to her feet “Get back to the academy, it's safer there.” Running towards his teammates he could hear Rachel whisper something, it was distant. 

“This can’t be good.” 

-----------------------

After a successful mission of taking Bane back to the Asylum and returning the money he had stolen, Damian headed straight to the batcave, still in his Robin uniform, seating himself in front of the main frame. 

“What are you looking for?” His father’s voice came from behind him.

To be fair he wasn’t even sure. Right after the mission he came here to do some research on the writing that appeared on Rachel’s arm and her background. He knew his father had to have some relative information about her considering he has information on everyone who are of the abnormal, even his acquaintances. “Just doing some research. Must you monitor everything I do.” 

“No but it is my job to keep you on track to fully live your life and your life as Robin separate.” 

There his father went on again always speaking of terms of wanting him to socialize more. ‘To fully live it’ whatever that meant. “I am living.” 

“Not both. You're living more as Robin than Damian. You haven’t made any new friends except Jon. You only speak to Donna and Wally when you have missions. When are you going to start acting like a teenager your age.” his father’s words were like a blade to his skin. He hated when he acted like this it was an unavoidable irritation. 

“I wasn’t trained to make friends, Father. I was trained for the good of humanity.” Damian bit back defensively, turning himself to his eye father to come to full view of him dressed in his business attire. 

“You aren’t even a part of it.” Bruce sighed walking towards the main screen tapping keys in “I have a new mission for you, Damian. Think of it as an experiment and experience for you” 

“What’s the mission?” 

“You’re nemesis, Slade was spotted in Tokyo. Something tells me he’s going to stay there for awhile. There have been also, new leads in a new chemical serum that could be developed into making metas stronger. It’s a drug for them, yet I can’t calculate where the origin is. Which is why I’m sending you.” 

Damian felt like something was off about his mission, he knew there was another purpose to this, “What’s the catch Father? Why can’t you simply do it?” 

“I chose this for you. I want to send you there to deal with understanding people your age and socializing with them. You’ll be finishing your junior year there and come back before your senior year starts. Everything is already purchased. So we both get what we want. You get to track down Slade as well as any incoming missions sent to you and also, you get to take part in a society meeting people who aren’t abnormal.” 

Damian had to say it was a request he couldn’t resist, if it involved Slade. It was like a cat and mouse game that he enjoyed ever since leaving his deceased grandfather’s side. It sounded well but something left him reluctant. He was going to be gone for a year, sure that meant leaving Jon too, it also meant Jon was going to lead Wally and Donna in crisis. Yet the only images that struck his head were her. Rachel. If he left that meant he could no longer seek wanting to see what more she was. Here he was getting the opportunity he’s always wanted, hunting Slade and leaving the meddling voices of his Father and brothers behind yet he felt hesitant. He almost felt pathetic. 

“I accept, Father.” Damian leveled his eyes to meet him out of respect. Bruce nodded, “You’re flight leaves tomorrow night. I’ll leave you to it.” he said, walking to the exit of the cave leaving Damian to spin back to the screen dialing as information about Rachel. If he had 22 hours before he left, he might as well gather information on Rachel about her origins so he could inform Jon that a new sorcerer was walking around the academy.

Typing in her name instantly took him to another page that blared at him. Of course he was right, his father did have at least some relative information about her. One of the few benefits about him. 

‘Rachel Roth also known as Raven’  so Raven was her real name, it was fitting. He continued on reading everything there was to know, ‘Daughter of Trigon. Left her home Azarath and was spotted a month ago in the city.’  It was quite surprising, he didn’t know Trigon had a daughter.

At least they had something in common, both being raised by demons only to be brought into another way of living. He’d never expect to feel so familiar to someone just by reading pieces of information about her. It felt almost pleasant yet unusual feeling that way. Unfortunately not much was gathered about her considering it’s all new and untraced. 

He stretched against the leather chair acknowledging that this research shall be put on pause for the night. Entering the changing room in the cave to peel his uniform off to change into joggers, leaving himself shirtless. He paused to think about her. Should a woman be this much on his mind?. He almost felt disappointed that he wasn’t going to admire her for a year. It pained him. It was like his mind was being ambushed by images of her, her eyes, her touch. It was all too damn good. That he craved it.

 A sharp tingly started to form against his foreman. It was writing the same writing that appeared on Raven after she healed him. Why did it appear now? Why did it appear on him? Was this like a mark that was supposed to be left on the body after being healed by her. It was strange but no distress came from him, just comfort. The same kind of comfort that he felt when he was in her grasp. Within a second it vanished, leaving no trace of it left. His body felt no different, it didn’t feel like a threat. Maybe it was just a form of writing after being healed. Like a brandment. For some reason he kind of likes the idea of being marked by her. It made him feel connected to her, he liked it. 

But he couldn’t. He was going away for a whole school year. He was going to forget her, these feelings whatever they were, had to be gone  And he knew for sure they were, he was Damian fuckin Wayne Al Gual. He could do anything, anything but gain feelings for a girl. 

And oh was he so wrong. 

------------------------------------

So if you made it to here. This is a multi chapter fanfic and the summary is basically these. 

After attending a full year at an off the coast boarding school as well as being involved in an undercover mission, Damian is back to the city for his senior year, after completing his missions. Going back to his subtle ways of living with his father. Attending night patrol around the city. Things of course wouldn’t be any different. Until his best friend, Jon all of a sudden has a new familiar looking step sister -- Raven aka Rachel Roth Kent. The one girl who caught his eye back in the Academy before his departure. Although now having Raven part of the Kent family who also unknowingly knows that her new adoptive family are a bunch of heroes living under her nose. Right nothing much has changed. Just adjustments for the demonbirds  

there will be lots of fluff. lots of angst. and smut lol. 

[peppersonironi]

Hey, Sis! (Batfam/Young Justice Crossover)

{Read on Ao3}

Rating: General Audiences

Category: Gen

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman - Comics, Young Justice (Cartoon)

Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Members of the Team (Young Justice), Tim Drake & Cassie Sandsmark, Tim Drake & Jaime Reyes, Tim Drake & Garfield Logan, Tim Drake & La'gaan, Cassandra Cain & Bruce Wayne, 

Characters: Tim Drake, La'gaan (DCU), Jaime Reyes, Garfield Logan, Cassie Sandsmark, Bruce Wayne, Unnamed Drug Dealers, Megan M'orzz, Members of the Team (Young Justice), Dick Grayson, Bart Allen, 

Additional Tags: Meet the Batfamily (DCU, )Humor, BAMF Cassandra,  Cain, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Batfamily (DCU, )Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, Good Older Sibling Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake-centric, Protective Batfamily (DCU), Caring Batfamily (DCU), Team, Cassandra Cain is an angel, A deadly one!, Batfam Meets Young Justice

Summary: “How is she doing that,” Cassie muttered in awe as the woman leapt above the heads of some goons, bringing them crashing down before moving on to others.“That can’t be real,” Jaime replied, “Not even Nightwing is that good.”Tim held back the urge to chuckle. They didn’t know the half of it.

AKA: Gamma Squad is in a bit of a pickle, and a mysterious figure rescues them. (Spoiler: it's Cass)

A/N: Just a short interlude while I work on the next installment in this series (It'll have ALL members of the batfam in it. I've only written a 1/4, and it's already over ten pages. So that's why it's taking so long!). This one has BAMF!Cass, so what else is required?Once again, post season 2, but ignoring season three. Batfam haven't introduced themselves to the Team, so they think it's only Dick and Tim, and they know Babs is Oracle.Oh, Cass wears her Batgirl Costume, but goes as Black Bat. I just think they fit better, y'know?

Text:

“Okay, this is bad.”

Tim looked over to where Jaime was struggling in his bonds, and sighed. He was right, this was definitely not how the mission was supposed to go.

It was just supposed to be a recon mission - no, really - where they gathered info on a drug ring in Washington DC that seemed to be spreading a type of crack that affected metahumans in negative ways. The plan was to sneak around their base by the docks, see how much supplies they had, the number of thugs, and their set up. Because of this, only Gamma Squad was sent, consisting of Robin, Blue Beetle, Lagoon Boy, Beast Boy, and Wonder Girl.

La’gaan had gone in first, using the water as cover, but they had lost contact quickly. The others had gone in to provide backup, and within fifteen minutes, they were all tied up. Cassie was also knocked unconscious, tied with her own lasso.

Tim wiggled around under the ropes, bringing his ankle just within reach.

“What are you doing?” Gar whispered.

Tim slipped a finger into his boots and pressed his panic button. He looked over to Garfield “Calling for help,” he whispered back.

Jaime frowned. “But everyone is already out on separate missions. They won’t get to us for hours.”

Tim shrugged. “Batman will think of something.”

“He better,” La’gaan muttered.

*****

Half an hour later, and no one had come. The group was restless, especially with Cassie having woken up ten minutes before.

Everyone perked up, however, when the door opened up. But it wasn’t a rescue. Instead, the Boss stood smirking in the opening as over a dozen thugs streamed around him and began to pull them up and out the door into the main area of the warehouse.

Cassie and La’gaan began to struggle, but Tim sent them a look that clearly conveyed his thoughts: “Stand down, see what info we can gather and wait for backup.”

They rolled their eyes, but stopped resisting.

Soon enough they were tied in a group by some crates in the warehouse, surrounded by forty goons in varying levels of armed. The drug Boss stood a little ways away from them, just out of arm’s reach.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

No one spoke.

The man sighed. “I guess we’ll do this the hard way, then.” He motioned to a woman standing to the side, and she came forward carrying a toolbox. He reached in and pulled out a wrench. “Who’s first?”

Tim bit his lip and glanced at the Team. He was prepared to go in their stead, but what was taking the others so long? Why hadn’t Bruce sent someone? He opened his mouth to offer himself up when it happened.

The skylight shattered, and a figure dressed all in black fell through. Their cape snapped open, slowing their fall just enough for them to roll safely to the floor and spring up in a fighting stance. Tim grinned at the new arrival.

The femine figure stood dressed in a leather and kevlar suit with the yellow outline of a bat, utility belt, and cowl with bat ears and stitching over her mouth. Her cape flowed around her shoulders, pooling at her feet.

There were several cries of alarm at the sight, and Tim felt his team tense behind him, not knowing the figure. The young woman didn’t say anything, only tilting her head in a curious manner.

“What are you waiting for?” the Drug lord announced, waving his wrench around, and stumbling back, “get -”

He was suddenly cut off by the woman’s hand darting out and jabbing a pressure point in his neck. He collapsed to the floor without another word.

For a long moment, no one breathed. Then the thugs rose up like an angry wave and attacked.

The woman rose up to meet them, efficiently taking down whoever came in her way. She spun and kicked out at three thugs, turning just as quickly to flip over and strike a pair of women with baseball bats. She fought so effortlessly, it was almost like she was dancing.

“How is she doing that,” Cassie muttered in awe as the woman leapt above the heads of some goons, bringing them crashing down before moving on to others.

“That can’t be real,” Jaime replied, “Not even Nightwing is that good.”

Tim held back the urge to chuckle. They didn’t know the half of it.

Soon enough, the warehouse which had previously been filled to the brim with criminals had transformed into a sea of groaning bodies atop the floor.

The woman turned to them at that moment, and strolled confidently through the masses. She stopped directly in front of Tim, staring down at him.

“You,” she proclaimed confidently, “are an idiot.”

Tim grimaced. “Hey, our intel didn’t cover how much man power they had! We thought we’d be fine.”

She continued to look down at him.

“You gonna let me loose?”

She didn’t let up.

Tim sighed. “Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t go into any more reckless situations, which cause you to have to come get me out.”

She nodded. “Not true, but okay.”

She knelt down and pulled out a sharped batarang. Within seconds, Tim’s bonds were cut loose. She turned and helped him free the others.

“Who are you?” Jaime asked, eyes wide when everyone was freed.

The woman tilted her head and looked to Tim, somewhat expectantly.

Tim sighed. “This is Black Bat,” he said, “my sister.”

*****

“I still can’t believe you have a sister,” Cassie said, glancing back to where Cass was patching a scrape on her arm in the back of the batplane she’d flown to DC.

“Let alone one that’s so freaking cool!” Garfield added, grinning.

“Seriously,” Jaime said, echoing Cassie’s earlier thought, “How did she do that stuff? I thought Batman didn’t allow metas in Gotham?”

Tim resisted the urge to laugh, thinking of a certain glow-in-the-dark brother of his. “Black Bat isn’t a meta … she’s just awesome.”

His teammates rolled their eyes, but didn’t get a chance to say anything else as Cass made her way to the front, a bandage around her left bicep. She looked around, eyeing everyone, before moving to the pilot’s seat. She sat down and turned off autopilot.

“Almost there,” she said, “sit.”

*****

“What do you mean ‘they were compromised’!” M’gann exclaimed, glaring at Batman. “Why didn’t you tell us?!”

Batfam frowned - oh, what a surprise - “You were on a separate mission, and you couldn’t be pulled.

“Of course we could be pulled,” M’gann argued. “They’re members of the Team, and when they’re in trouble, we help!”

“You weren’t necessary,” Batman said, and quickly continued when M’gann opened her mouth again, “I already sent one of my own operatives to aid them.”

M’gann frowned. “But the new intel said there were ten times as many henchmen there than previously thought! How could oneperson get them out of that?!”

Suddenly, Dick started to laugh. Everyone whirled to face him, only to find the acrobat leaning against a wall, trying to catch his breath.

“Oh gosh,” he said after a moment, “You sent her?”

Batman nodded.

Dick straightened and let out a long sigh. “Oh, those thugs don’t stand a chance.”

Batman nodded. “That was the thought.”

The Team looked back and forth between them. There was something they were missing, right?

An alert sounded, and the group turned to the now opening bay in the mountain. In which flew a sleek black jet - clearly a Batplane. It came in and set down beside the bio ship. A moment later, it opened up.

Out strolled a petite figure dressed in all black, with bat ears and a yellow Batsymbol on their chest. Honestly, she looked like a female batman. Except Batman didn’t have that weird stitching over his mouth.

Behind her Gamma Squad followed tentatively. Robin came out and stood by Nightwing, and the others slowly made their way to the group.

The Team’s eyes, however, were on the stranger. She continued up  till she was face-to-face with Batman.

“Hello, Black Bat,” the Dark Knight said, “Did the mission go well?”

Black Bat nodded. “Idiots, but safe.”

Why did Batman look like he was resisting the urge to smile? Or maybe that smallest corner of his mouth was twitching from all that frowning he did. Yeah, that must be it.

She tilted her head. “You were worried.”

Batman sighed, looking long at her, pointedly ignoring the stares of the surrounding heroes. “Yes.”

She nodded, then stepped forward and gave him a hug.

Black Bat wrapped her arms around Batman.

Hug.

Physical affection.

What was going on?!

Oh, but the real kicker was when he hugged her back. They held onto each other for a few seconds before Black Bat pulled back.

“Send me out more,” she said, “avoid stupid.”

Robin let out a yelp. “Excuse me? It was one time! Not my fault the info was outdated!”

Batman and Black Bat turned simultaneously to stare him down. The boy wonder shrinked a little and slunk behind Nightwing under the combined glares of the bats.

Oh yes, this girl was totally Batman’s mini-me.

Batman turned back to the girl and nodded. “You can join on a mission or two. Might keep the boys in check.”

Black Bat nodded. “Boys are dumb.”

Batman didn’t have a chance to reply, as at that exact moment, Bart ran into the room from where he’d been getting after mission snacks.

“Oh my gosh, why didn’t you tell me Black Bat was here?” He demanded.

“Do you know her?” M’gann asked.

Bart shook his head. “No, but I know of her!” he turned to Black Bat, vibrating in excitement. “You’re incredible, did you know that? You were one of my favorite bats to learn about!” he paused for a split second, in which he flashed away and came back with a notebook and pen in his hand. “Could I have your autograph?”

Black Bat nodded and took the supplies. A moment later, however, she looked back at him. “I … uh, can’t … um, you know …”

Bart looked confused for a moment, and then brightened. “Oh, right! Could you draw a picture then?”

Black Bat tilted her head before opening up the pages and drawing a big smiley face on it. With Bat ears.

Bart’s eyes were filled with pure joy as he looked down at the simple drawing. “IhavetheautographfromsomethatcankickShiva’sbutt!”

Bart left with a grin on his face and a whoosh of air. A moment later, a loud crash came from the recreational area.

“I’m okay!”

Batman sighed. “He broke something I’m going to have to pay for, didn’t he?”

Black Bat  hummed as she reached up and patted his head comfortingly.

It was at this point that M’gann had had enough. First, she wasn’t alerted when members of her Team were in jeopardy. Then, and unknown operative was sent in without her consent. Now, said operative just gained permission from Batman to join the group?

“Who is she!?” M’gann demanded, her hands on her hips.

The pair of bats turned on her at that moment, but she didn’t back down. After a moment, Batman spoke.

“This is Black Bat, my daughter. She is incredibly skilled and operates in Hong Kong and Gotham.”

The young woman seemed to preen under the praise.

“You have a daughter?” Conner asked.

Robin and Nightwing looked to each other before saying in unison: “Spoilers!”

Batman glared at them before turning back to the group. “Yes, I do.”

M’gann considered the girl, she seemed capable, if she could save Gamma squad from what apparently were impossible odds. And it would be nice to get more girls on the Team …

“Fine,” she said, turning to Black Bat, “You can come join us on a mission or two, if you want.”

Black Bat bounced on her heels in excitement.

Nightwing turned to Batman. “You know if she’s allowed to join, the others will want in too.”

There was a pause, then M’gann asked quietly.

“Others?”

[noctisfishing]

Sora’s Instinct

Day 5 - Travel

#noct writes taiora week 2020 [ 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 ]

@noctisfishing for Taiora/Digimon writings and more. :) @taioraweek for more Taiora love!

Special shoutout to everyone participating! I’ve been catching up on the graphics and fics for this week and they are FANTASTIC. Seriously, go find them in #taioraweek or #taioraweek2020 and you will not be disappointed. :D

Setting: Digimon Adventure: (2020) / Note: This scene is intended to be in between episode 4 and 5, so: ~*~*~*~*~SPOILERS~*~*~*~*~

Tags: Friendship! & Adventure

Other Characters: Birdramon, Agumon, special appearance by a certain Armor Digimon (If Stegomon can show up, so can this one >P)

Notes: This is the shortest one of the bunch. But it’s my first fic ever for the reboot, so, yay! I also think it fills a gap for me in the *travel*(hey hey!)/exploration aspect that I loved from the original series.

~*~*~*~*~*~

One day, while Sora prepared for her school camping trip, an odd feeling washed over her.

She couldn’t explain what it was, but it made her stop in her tracks in the middle of the street, where the news about the subway trains going haywire had people running in a panic.

This odd feeling… it felt like the start of something new. Was it good? Was it bad? She had no idea, but this feeling made her believe that she was about to embark on a big adventure.

That feeling occurred again a few days later, when she was on her way home from the store right before she noticed someone running the other way and zooming past her. 

Her friend Taichi was running somewhere. On instinct, she immediately turned in the opposite direction of her home and rushed to follow him.

But she didn’t think that she would follow him into a strange new world.

And now she was sitting on the foot of her Digimon partner Birdramon who carried her along with Taichi and Agumon as she flew over the river and followed the path of the mysterious light that led to a tall mountain peak that glowed with iridescence. 

Sora had been running the events of that day alone in her head. Taichi had a dinosaur for a partner! And the next thing she knew, Piyomon had flown into her arms to escape from Snimon, which Sora knew that she needed to help Piyomon succeed. It was another choice that Sora made by instinct.

She watched Agumon evolve into Greymon, and noticed Taichi holding a blue device that fit right into his palm. It amazed her that Piyomon had evolved, too, into the Digimon that was currently flying everyone to where they needed to go.

Sora looked at her own blue device and looked up at her fiery-taloned partner in awe.

“Birdramon is really awesome!” Taichi said from Birdramon’s foot opposite Sora. “This is much faster than getting there on a raft.”

“And I can rest a little,” Agumon added as he leaned back relaxed against Taichi.

Sora smiled at them in response, and hoped that her own partner would get a chance to rest when they landed.

“You alright, Birdramon?” she asked, but the gasp she heard in return was concerning.

“Everyone, hold on tight!” Birdramon shouted.

Sora grabbed onto her Digimon partner’s leg and she closed her eyes. She felt a huge gust of wind blow against her whole body, with the strings of her blue hat flapping at her sides.

“Who’s that?” she heard Taichi shout.

When she opened her eyes, she caught sight of another bird Digimon that looked like a cross between an eagle and a creature that she remembered reading about in a storybook. With its red feathers and its huge yellow feet, along with a silver covering on its head, the Digimon flew past them like a strong wind.

“That’s Holsemon,” Agumon replied.

“Don’t worry, he won’t attack us,” Birdramon added.

As Holsemon flapped its wings and soared below them, Sora noticed the symbol on its helmet that looked familiar to her.

“It’s a heart…” Sora thought aloud. Looking at her device again, she remembered it glowing moments earlier, with a beam of red light tracing the circular band around its screen. Was that the same symbol she had seen before…?

“Your warm heart gave me power,” Birdramon had explained after her evolution.

Sora might have heard Taichi asking her a question, but her curiosity of those words distracted her into watching Holsemon fly further into the other direction.

But she couldn’t help but wonder about other types of Digimon they might encounter.

“Hey, Sora?” Taichi asked.

“Hmm?” she asked, turning to look at him this time.

“It’s pretty crazy how we ended up here, huh?”

“No kidding.” Sora looked down at the lush treetops over the cliffs on either side of the river as Birdramon flew. 

“But if it had to be anyone to run into in a different world, I’m really glad it was you!”

“Me, too, Taichi.” Sora smiled cheerfully as he grinned at her.

“I hope everyone’s alright in Tokyo, though.”

Sora noticed his smile faded as he faced forward, and she knew who he was thinking about.

“Hikari-chan?”

“Yeah.”

Sora wondered what her mom was doing at that moment, and if she was wondering why she hadn’t returned home.

“That’s why we’re on our way to the temple, right?” Sora reminded him. “To see if we can get any answers?”

“You’re right.” Taichi’s lips curled into a smile again. “And I’m sure Koushiro will find something out along the way.”

“And if there has to be a fight, we’ll be ready for it!” added Agumon.

Taichi cheered, pumping his fist into the air.

“We’ll be ready, too! Right, Birdramon?” Sora asked.

“Right!”

Sora and Taichi nodded at each other in agreement. She felt their shared determination that put her mind at ease. And she knew that if anyone one was in trouble - her partner, her best friend, or even a complete stranger, she would be ready and willing to protect and fight for them.

It was what she would do on instinct.

Then, Sora had a new thought cross her mind. “Hey, Taichi. I wonder if we’ll meet other children who have a Digimon partner like us. Like Koushiro and Tentomon.”

“Hmm,” said Taichi. “I wonder if we’ll run into Yamato and Garurumon.”

“I have a feeling there will be others,” piped Agumon.

“Me, too,” Birdramon said.

Sora noticed the two Digimon eyeing each other as though they knew something. She could only exchange glances of curiosity with Taichi.

Everyone went into silence as Birdramon made her descent toward the path to the temple. There were already more questions on her mind, but on this new adventure, Sora was sure that they would discover more answers along the way.

[toujourseven]

Flight 136 | 3

PLOT: Inspired by the series Lost (without the creepy mysterious island monsters). Stranded on an island with BTS after your plane crashed.

THEME: romance, comedy, smut, fluff, friendship,

WARNINGS: Slow Burn. Smut. Flirty Jimin. Strong Independent Woman OC. Bi Tae. Plane crash. Panic attacks. Emotionally done with heartbreaks. Terrorism.

PAIRINGS: Jimin x OC (You can think of it as Y/N. Just think that you were somehow nicknamed Cho lmao) / JK x Lia - inspired character (since she’s physically similar to IU kkkk Why not put IU instead? Hmm. Why indeed?)

Guide for reading

Bold texts are thoughts

I like being able to visualize the characters and the setting so I will insert images from where I based the story on :)

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY STORY ANYWHERE. YOU CAN CONTACT ME ON TWITTER IF YOU WANT IT POSTED SOMEWHERE ELSE, I WILL USE MY ACCOUNT TO POST IT THERE. Thank you, loves!

two | MASTERLIST | four

CHAPTER 3

“Okay, so is everyone alright? Thank you so much to our medical student for helping us out. Maybe let’s get to know the basics first, like our names, and the languages we speak, for communication purposes?” Cho was fascinated and almost forgot that she was stranded on an island. Namjoon was really charismatic when he takes on the “leader role”. Even with the current circumstance, he does not lose his cool, at least when in front of the others.

The small group introduced themselves as instructed and found out that Keith was the only one who does not speak Korean, while Namjoon, Lia, and Cho were the three who can give English-Korean translations. Of course, the rest of the BTS members have relatively good receptive skills in English, so they would need more help on the expression part, if and when they need to communicate with Keith.

“We haven’t been exactly trained for island survival in case the plane crashes, but we’ve been given basic guidelines and survival tips. Since the plane must be somewhere deep in the ocean by now, we have no way of communicating. We also have no idea what happened exactly.” Keith had one hand on his waist, and the other rubbing his forehead. It was the first time Cho saw him lose his cool. He was no longer keeping his professional smile, the situation must have caught up to him. He and Namjoon were taking turns in speaking, Namjoon translating.

“For now, we need to secure our safety and survival while waiting for rescue. We can’t just wait while doing nothing. We don’t know how long we will get stuck here.” Namjoon sighed deeply. Cho felt bad for him, he must be feeling so much pressure. The world had just gotten back up from the recession caused by the pandemic after a vaccine has been discovered. Cho knows their previous tour had been cancelled because of that and the company must have suffered so much loss. And now their next tour is being disrupted again by this crisis.

The group decided to pair up, unanimously agreeing no one should wander around alone. Namjoon, Hoseok, and Keith will go around the island, assess the safety of their location, and check if they can find a better area. Jin and Yoongi volunteered to look for edible plants in the forest, as well as to plot the location of fruit trees. Tae, Jungkook, and Lia agreed to go fishing. And Jimin volunteered himself and Cho to go collect firewood and leaves for cooking.

“Good thing we have camping experience, thanks to Bon Voyage.” Tae addressed the group with a grin. “It’s not going to be that easy. We had professionals to guide us then. We’re completely on our own now.” Yoongi answered. Tae visibly pouted. Someone clapped loudly in front, “Alright guys. Be safe, and make sure to get back before the sun sets. Don’t forget to get 1 whistle from the first aid kits per pair, in case you need to call for help.” Namjoon called out.

While Jimin collected their whistle, Cho approached Lia and asked quietly, “Hey, are you going to be okay with them?” Lia glanced at Tae and Jungkook, “I think I’ll be fine. They’re nice. Tae just seems.. hyperactive and playful.”, she gave Cho a reassuring smile. Cho couldn’t help feeling fond and protective of her. She was an only child, and has always longed to have a younger sister. Lia looked so gentle and innocent, Cho just wanted to put her in her pocket. “Are you going to be okay with him?”, she giggled, wiggling her brows, and bumped Cho’s hip, nodding her head towards Jimin who was coming back with 2 whistles and a small bag. Cho just rolled her eyes. So much for innocent.

Jimin approached you and put the whistle around your neck like a medal. Then he did the same to Cho. “Thank you! Please take care of Eonnie!” Cho said brightly as she bowed to him, before following Tae and Jungkook to collect things they can use for fishing. “What a sweet girl,” Jimin commented, watching her tap Jungkook’s shoulder shyly to announce her arrival. Then he sighed and turned to you, “Unlike someone here” You fake gasped, looking affronted. “What ever do you mean? I am sweet! Just not with you.”

We’ll see about that. Jimin thought as he gave her a smirk. “Anyways,” He opened the small bag he was carrying and showed Cho the contents. “I also got us some ropes we can use to tie around the firewood, aaand some bottled water and scissors.” Jimin showed his collection proudly. Scissors? “What are the scissors for?” Cho was confused. “Oh, I was thinking your pants may be a bit hard to move around in. It’s also very hot in this island. Do you want some help altering it?” Cho looked down her attire. Oh yeah, she was still wearing her airport clothes, sans her coat. She actually didn’t mind the length  of her pants as it could provide protection from insect bites and stray branches, but it was hard to move around in. She was actually surprised Jimin had that forethought. “You know what, you’re right! Great thinking, 친구 (chingu/buddy)!”

Cho looked for an elevated surface she can sit on, “Give it here,” palm out, she asked Jimin for the scissors. In response, Jimin waved his finger in front of her face, “Ah, ah, ah. How can I let a lady do this by herself? We wouldn’t want you to accidentally cut your beautiful skin, would we? Now, sit back and relax, Stylist Jimin will do his magic!” He beamed, his eyes disappearing again. Then he kneeled in front of her and carefully fingered the hem of her pants, checking the best area from where to cut it. “Stretch your legs a bit,” Jimin said softly without looking up. Nervously, Cho did as told, scooting forward a bit  to straighten her legs out and making sure to keep her legs closed. Jimin paused, and looked straight into her eyes.

“Spread your legs.” Cho almost choked. How dare he say something so suggestive! She knew he was just having fun teasing her, but the intensity of his gaze and the timber of his voice as he said those words were nowhere near the playful tone he was using earlier. Fearing her voice will betray her if she speaks, Cho responded by angling her body to the right and nodding to the outer seams of her pants. She was wordlessly telling him to cut from there instead. Jimin raised one of his brows but complied and proceeded to cut from the outer seams. He cut slowly and carefully, making sure the scissors do not touch her skin. As opposed to his hands that he made sure to keep contact with her leg the whole time.

Cho was holding her breath, trying to move her leg away from Jimin’s touch every once in a while. “Tsk. You’re going to make it hard for me if you keep squirming like that—” “Just finish it already!” Cho snapped. Jimin stood up, his body bent over hers, keeping in mind the task at hand. “Stop. Moving.” Jimin gripped her knees under her pants. Then he added, “Just relax.” as he softly caressed her knee with his thumb. “How high do you want me to cut it? Up to here?” Then he slowly moved his hand higher, up to her inner mid-thigh, “Or up to here?” He whispered to her left ear.

Cho wanted to push him away, she really did. But Jimin’s intensity was keeping her in place. It had been so long since she flirted with someone like this. And she was torn between giving in for fun, or backing away to seal herself away from men, as she had resolved to do.

“J-just above the knee is fine.” She answered breathlessly, her mind still at an impasse. “Then you really gotta spread your legs now, 예쁜아가씨 (yebbeun agassi/pretty lady)” He said just a bit above a whisper, then backed up a bit to look at her face. His eyes were sparkling with mirth. He was really enjoying this. Cho swallowed, and put her hand over Jimin’s hand that was holding the scissors. She pushed his hand gently, and stood up. “I think doing it this way would be easier. Why don’t you kneel back down and finish your work, Jimin-ssi?” Cho put her right hand on his left shoulder and gently pushed him down. Two can play this game, Park Jimin, and I won’t lose. Cho decided. She looked down at him, and tilted her head in challenge, when he did not move.

Jimin stared at her, trying to not let his awe show on his face. Why haven’t I goofed around with this kind of girls before? I never knew they were so much fun. He slid his hand from her ankle, up to her knee slowly and sensually, before answering, “Yes, my lady,”. His words were submissive, but his actions were anything but. He never broke eye-contact with her as he did this. His stare returning her challenge on who can really dominate the other. He nudged her leg to make her open up wider. Cho just rolled her eyes and complied. Jimin smiled and moved closer than necessary. Way closer, that his hair was already touching the material of her pants. Looking up, Jimin asked, “Is this okay?” His chin just a few millimeters away from her belly button.

You think this is going to make me back down? She smiled sweetly, “Oh yes!” Jimin smirked in victory and finally started cutting her pants along her knee. He made sure to caress her inner thigh more often than necessary. But not enough to make her knees buckle and accidentally cut her. He can feel her leg muscle tightening in tension, but when he glanced at her, she was the epitome of indifference. She was staring at her nails, looking bored out of her mind. Now cutting her pants from the other leg, Jimin couldn’t help but snigger. She was really competitive, he liked that very much. It spurs his own competitiveness. He snipped the last length of the material but didn’t let it fall on the ground. He put the scissors down and checked if she was looking at him. She wasn’t. Sneakily, he inched his finger further up until he reached the edge of her—

Jimin felt himself being pulled up, before his back was slammed into a tree trunk with his arm twisted behind him. His eyes widened as he found Cho’s body pushing against him, her elbow under his chin, her knee pushing into his groin.

“Ah, ah, ah. You wouldn’t want the pretty lady to think you’re not a gentleman, now, would you Jimin-ssi?” Her eyes were wide and alert, her chest heaving up and down as she catches her breath, but there was a small smile on her lips.

A woot was heard from behind them, “Whooo! That was hot!!” Hoseok was passing by when Cho launched her self-defense tricks on Jimin. “But is everything alright here?” He carefully watched their faces, trying to gauge the mood.

Jimin laughed out loud, “Alright, alright! I’m sorry. I lost.” Then he gave Cho his most powerful puppy dog eyes. Cho exhaled and let him go. Shaking her head from amusement. He really took her by surprise. She didn’t think he would go that far in a public place and her instincts just kicked in. She was just glad her body didn’t go into attack mode, she would hate herself if she gave Jimin any kind of injury.

“We’re fine hyung!” Then he waved Hoseok away. After he was gone, Jimin bent over, his hands on his knees. “What was that? Are you.. an MMA fighter or something?” He coughed. Cho quickly checked him over, “Oh no, are you okay? Did I hurt you? Oh no, oh no, oh no,” She was panicking, and Jimin realized she was as surprised as him with her actions. Jimin slid down along the tree trunk and slouched on the sand. More than anything, his pride was the most hurt.

“I’m sorry, I took a self-defense class when I started living alone. I was so paranoid that I took the lessons several times a year to make sure my body won’t forget the skills, and now.. my body just moves automatically. I’m so sorry! So sorry!” She continued to touch his neck to check for red marks.

Jimin can no longer count how many times this girl, woman, had him speechless with awe. He has never met anyone like her before. She was pretty, although not in a drop-dead gorgeous way. She was not the type you’d notice in a crowded room, but her confidence raises up her charm. She was kind, but she wouldn’t go down a fight. She was smart, but she was not condescending. It makes Jimin wonder whether other people are as multi-faceted as her, and if he just did not look at people closely. Or if this lady before him was simply a unique creation made to make him weak in the knees.

He caught her fiddling hands, and put them down gently. “I’m fine. You just caught me by surprise.” He reassured her. Then added self-consciously, “…I’m sorry if I took it too far.” To his surprise, she giggled.

“It’s okay, really. It was fun.” They stared and smiled at each other for a little while more before Cho finally stood up to check her new outfit.

*Her island outfit now looks a bit like this

“Thanks for helping me cut them. Let’s go get those firewood. I don’t want BTS to think I’m a slacker!” She laughed. Jimin stood up too and grabbed the small bag. “Hey. I’m BTS too!” He pulled something from the bag and handed it to Cho. “Here. I also got you this. Uhm, I just.. I thought..” He didn’t really know how to explain why he got her a shirt to cover herself up. She was still wearing her fitted tank and he didn’t want her going around the island in front of everyone looking like that.

Especially not in front of that liar, Keith. But after practically feeling her up, he was at a loss.

“You want me to wear this? Hmm. Alright, turn around. Make sure no one’s looking.” He was so glad she didn’t question him over it anymore. She didn’t really feel like removing her top out in the open so she just pulled the blouse over her current top. “Done! Okay, let’s go!” She started walking towards the trees but he stopped her.

“Wait. I’m changing too. You don’t have to turn.” He winked and gathered the hem of his sweatshirt, and lifted It up to his chest. “You are perfectly welcome to look.” Then he pulled his sweatshirt over his shoulders and head. He threw the shirt aside and pulled another white shirt from the bag. Of course, he took his time and flexed his muscles. Cho was too shocked to react, so she just watched. He was really fit. She already knew that. He definitely knew that. The little shit. He did his signature move of pushing his hair back away from his forehead then said cutely “Jjan! Let’s go 예쁜 아가씨~ ” He grabbed her hand and led the way to the trees. Cho simply smiled and shook her head and let him lead her.

[ Jimin changed from this to this ]

Lia shyly tapped Jungkook’s arm. “Hi, here’s our whistle that I got from Jimin-oppa! What else can I help with?” Jungkook smiled at her and shook his head, “It’s alright, V-hyung and I will carry everything.” She looked at all things they had to carry, it looked a handful. “Are you sure? I can carry at least one of those.” She felt an arm drop around her shoulders and turned to see it was Taehyung. “That’s right! We just need your cute self cheering for us~ ” Lia stepped back and bowed to him, “안영하세요 (annyeonghaseyo), I’m Lia. Nice to meet you!” She introduced herself again since it’s their first time talking to each other. Then she stepped closer to Jungkook. She felt uncomfortable being touched by Tae for some reason. She hardly knew him, after all.

Jungkook tried to hide his smile. He felt strangely pleased that Lia seemed more comfortable around him. He knew he was developing a crush on her. It didn’t help that Lia was treating him like a normal person, and not a worldwide superstar. He really loved that. Their kiss also had a huge effect on him. It wasn’t his first kiss. He’s not a fuck boy like Tae, but he did have his own share of sexual partners in the past. But he found that Lia ‘kissing’ him for medical purposes was hotter than any other kiss he had in the past. Maybe he had a doctor/patient kink. Huh.

“Hey guys, get some change of clothes over here!” Jin called them over to gather around the suitcases they collected.

From their airport outfits:

To island outfits:

*Tae and JK said they were already comfortable and didn’t need a change of clothes >_<

The fishing trio then headed down the beach to where Suga and Jin directed them. “This is fun. I have never actually tried fishing before. How about you guys?” Lia asked as she tried to spot some fish under the clear water. Jungkook was tying a safety pin on the edge of the stick they collected. “Well, Suga-hyung and Jin-hyung love fishing. I sometimes join them. But I couldn’t sit too long without moving. It’s meant for highly lethargic people, I think.” He gave her a sideways glance and smile. Lia moved closer to him, his makeshift fishing pole catching her attention. Jungkook felt his heart beat faster. Damn.

“I’ll try to catch some with my bare hands!” Tae shouted with his box smile plastered on his face, already knee-deep in the waters. He had removed his shirt to use it as a net. Jungkook highly doubted he’d catch anything with that. But he knew there was no stopping that Hyung from doing what he wants. He was more concerned over Lia seeing him topless. He looked back at her, only to see that she’s back to checking out the makeshift fishing pole he had in his hands. His eyes widened as she placed her hands on top of his, to help tie the thread. She giggled, “Your hands are too big, here let me.” He gave her the pole, glad to have a reason to keep watching her.

Lia’s forehead was scrunched up in concentration, her slim fingers working hard to tie the thread securely. Her hair was slowly falling over her shoulder, hiding her face. Before he could realize what he was doing, his hand was tucking her hair neatly behind her ear, so he could see her face better. Jungkook froze, his mind zooming over excuses he could say. But Lia just said thanks softly, and continued her work without even glancing at him.

Whew. Jungkook let go of the breath he was holding. That was a close one. But he couldn’t help feeling disappointed that he seemed to have no effect on her. He dropped his arms and pouted to himself.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Tae smirked to himself, his hands on his waist. He witnessed that tiny episode. And Jungkook may not have noticed it, but Tae definitely saw how red Lia’s face was when Jungkook touched her. “Wah, I put my arm around her and she practically runs away. But Kookie does that cheesy thing and she blushes so cutely?” He does a thinking pose, his thumb and index finger cupping his chin. “Let’s see~ First there’s my Chimmy and that noona. Then here we have Kookie and little miss doctor. Tae tae is going to have soooo much fun! I’m sure one of those couples would be open for some threesome action. Kekeke- WAH! A fish! Come here fishyyyyy.”

“So… I’ve been meaning to ask. Have we met before?” Cho finally decided to just ask the question that has been nagging her ever since she woke up on that island. “I mean... I’m sure that as much of a flirt you are, you don’t just try to hit on random strangers, especially while stuck on an island.” Cho straightened up and dropped the sticks she collected beside Jimin who was trying to tie up the last batch of firewood they collected. Sweat was collecting on his forehead. The veins on his arms were bulging out as he put all his strength in securing the ropes. While waiting for him to answer, Cho thought how admirable he is. She had not thought of BTS for a long time. She used to listen to their music and even watched some of their variety shows. She had been a fan for a year before her life had turned haywire. She never even got the chance to see them live. The changes she made to her life indirectly caused BTS to disappear from her radar.

Anyways, she found it admirable that the boys were all trying their best in this situation. Not one of them had shown a diva attitude, as is usually expected from some big name superstars. They had been nothing but considerate and treated everyone as equals. She suddenly froze, a weird thought passing through her mind. We’re not in some hidden camera prank, right? Jimin wouldn’t be openly flirting with me if we were. She looked around urgently, trying to make out cameras from behind the leaves and bushes.

“What are you doing?” She snapped her head back to look at Jimin. “We’re not- you’re not- currently filming are you? Like some BTS in the Wildlife or something?” Cho asked him, her eyes still fearful. Then she went back to paranoidly checking their surroundings. Then Jimin laughed out loud. He was laughing so hard, he fell from the log he was sitting on. “Ah, really. You’re really amazing.” Cho visibly deflated, hanging her head down. “I know it’s crazy. It’s just— Argh!” Cho kicked some dirt “It’s not entirely impossible, you know.”

“It is. We’re not going to string along innocent strangers like you, and subject you to this kind of trauma— just for a show.” He has calmed down and sat beside you on the log again. “We’re all just.. stuck in this unfortunate situation together.” Both of you sighed, lost in your individual thoughts. “We have met before. Back in the airport.” Cho looked confused. Jimin scooted away from her and cleared his throat.

“Want to see some… magic?” He said in an animated voice then looked around the forest exaggeratedly. Cho’s eyes widened in realization. “You saw that??” Then she laughed. Such a  lovely laugh. “Oh my goodness. But- I didn’t see you there? I’m sure I would’ve noticed the commotion if Park Jimin was seen in public.” She paused, thinking some more, then gasped. She narrowed her eyes at Jimin as her mind put two and two. “Bucket hat. With mask? That was you? Huh.”

Jimin eye-smiled. “Bingo! I went there for some peace and quiet. But instead, I saw a pretty lady performing some magic tricks. I never asked about your job. You were so good with that kid. Are you a teacher?” Cho leaned on one arm and stared into space. “I was once. But about 2-3 years ago I changed professions. I’m a linguist now. I study different languages and do all sorts of jobs related to that.”

“Do you regret changing your job?” Jimin asked softly.

“Huh? No, I.. I really like my job. And I’m happy to be working with languages. It’s really amazing. Every country has something unique to their language and sometimes, there are words or phrases that has no direct translation to any other language. And it’s all because of their culture. We are all humans, but we grew up with different beliefs and values, and that’s how many conflicts arose. But it makes me think, what if the whole world has only ONE language, and ONE culture, like- the human culture, wouldn’t it create less misunderstandings? But then— it would be so sad to have all the existing culture to just stop.. existing.” Cho sighed deeply, then got lost in her thoughts silently.

Jimin burst into giggles. “Cho, Ah~ Cho! You’re really, really, so fun and interesting! Aside from the fact that you sounded very passionate about what you do, did you realize that you switched back and forth from Korean and Japanese??”

Cho’s jaw dropped. “Oh no! I do tend to do that when I’m rambling and when my thoughts are so fast!” Then she laughed,  “I got fired from a couple of translating jobs because of that.” She said matter-of-factly.  She chuckled then looked up. “It’s getting dark, we should head back.” Cho carried a couple of firewood bundles, “Don’t even think of stopping me. You can’t carry ALL of that.” Jimin just nodded and teased you, “Hai~ (Yes in Japanese) ” Cho laughed, “Stop teasing me!”

A/N: My chapters are getting longer! Yay! I’m sorry some members’ parts are short! As much as I’d love to make equal parts for OT7, this story is mainly revolving around Jimin and JK’s love story, plus the overall plot. I’m also too excited to finish the story and get to the good parts. When the story is finished, I might make some one shots about the other members in this universe. I actually have the Season 2 for this story planned out already. I am that excited, lol.

CREDITS FOR THE PHOTOS NOT MINE. Found all of them on Pinterest! Let me know if it’s yours and want it to be taken down. :) 

two | MASTERLIST | four

[wolfie-rood]

The Fight's End - Chapter 2

All I could see was pools of blood; my blood. It covered the pristine marble floors as he continued to stab any part of me he could touch. Without much effort, I collapsed and died of blood loss.

I was drowning; He made an effort to hold my head underwater. I kicked and punched while trying to scream for air; only swallowing more water in the process. Before I knew it, I had grown tired and fell unconscious. I never woke up after that.

He stared at me with a smile that made my blood run cold; his eyes glimmered with insanity as he held the bloodied knife to my neck. He chuckled darkly and a crimson liquid suddenly covered him. He had slit my-

I jolted up in my seat and glanced around the dull, science classroom; trying to catch my breath. No one seemed to notice my sudden outburst, and I sighed in relief.

Damn those… those visions I cursed to myself. This happens quite often; though, I haven’t gotten such gruesome visions in a few years. But, they’ve been happening more and more recent since last week. I want to pretend it’s nothing, yet I can’t help but get a bad feeling…

I get so many of these visions, and I know so much about my past lives. I created the Divine Beasts and was a good friends with a boy whose soul mission is to kill me as many times as he pleases. I was the adopted sister of a Zora king, and I’d carve memories out of wood for my Zora nephew. But even when I know so much, there’s still so many questions unknown to me, which scares me.

Who is this boy out to kill me, and why does he feel that killing me is a good idea? Why do I keep getting revived when I no longer have a useful purpose?

I stopped thinking and took in a deep breath. No, Kari. It doesn’t matter. Just live your life one day at a time; take care of any problems that happen to show up.

My breathing finally calmed down, and the bell rang; signaling my study hall. The day was certainly moving slowly, but I’d be out of here soon enough. With a smile, I grabbed my things and made my way to the rooftop stairs. I pushed past some random students while I dashed upwards without getting tired. I excitedly opened the door, expecting Faith to be up here… She wasn’t.

“Huh…” I dropped my bag by the door and looked around before making my way to the safety railing. Slowly, I slid my shoes off and hopped up onto the railing like it was a tightrope. “Strange. She’s usually here before me.” I murmured to myself. My hand found its way to my scarf as I grew nervous.

“How unfortunate.” A voice chimed. I looked up to see a boy leaning against the doorway, who was smirking. I froze; knowing this was the boy who has recently been haunting me every time I close my eyes. “At least she won’t be here to witness the things I’m going to do to you.”

I quickly got down from the railing; paranoid that he’d push me off. The boy laughed quietly, and I vaguely wondered what he thought was so funny.

He had purple hair tinted with black, and green eyes that practically gleamed crazily in the sunlight. His clothes were casual, and the colors were dark which only seemed fitting for someone with a dark personality.

He casually began strolling around the roof, and I followed the opposite of his actions to keep an equal distance from him. Soon, he was standing by the railing while I was at the door. “Alright, cut the chit-chat. Who are you?”

“16 years of regaining memories without my help, and you don’t even know my name?” He questioned dramatically. Then, the green-eyed boy put his hand over his heart. “I’m truly hurt, Kari!”

I scoffed and kept my hand close to the door in case I need to make an escape. “Well, you obviously know me.”

“Oh, yes. I know all about you, my pint-sized friend.”

My jaw dropped at the insult. The only one who’s allowed to make fun of my height is Faith, and even then I have my limits. “Oh, what-?”

“In fact, I know you so well that I can tell you how you got every scar on your body. For example, that strange blotch of skin above your left, big toe? You burned yourself by dropping a torch near your feet after I snuck up on you in our first lives.” Huh, so that’s where that came from… His chilling smirk then grew wider. “Unfortunately, I can’t possibly explain your… petite problem.” I growled furiously, but he simply shook his head and began walking toward me. My anger faltered as fear began to take over.

I swallowed hard as he continued to slowly stalk forward. “T-That’s great and all, but you never answered my question.” I muttered defensively; trying to hide my minor stutter. At this point, my heart was pounding, and my breathing was audible; My hand gripped the white scarf tightly, as well.

“Are you scared, Runt?” He wondered curiously, but his words were more threatening than anything else. The boy then glared at me. “Because you should be. I may have been born in a similar way as you, but I have powers I haven’t even tried. My strength easily surpasses the strongest Goron champions, while my magic can rival the Goddesses themselves. I’m not one to be taken lightly, Kari.” I was close enough to feel his breath, and I had to tilt my head up to meet his murderous gaze.

His anger broke for a moment as his Emerald eyes wandered to the stairwell behind me. “Seems as though your late friend has decided to finally show up.” He commented. The purple-haired boy took a few steps back and turned his attention to me. “I suppose I’ll have to cut our little chat short for now, but not because it matches your height.” He saluted me in a mocking way, and my hands curled into tight fists. “Until next time, my vertically challenged comrade!”

“Kari!” Faith yelled happily which made me turn around. She came into view with a big smile on her face. “Hey, Shorty!”

“Runt”

“pint-sized friend”

“Vertically challenged comrade”

My blood began boiling as I remembered all the awful nicknames that jerk gave me. “- so yeah. Dumb teachers, am I right?” Faith finished, and I realized I wasn’t even listening.

“Um, yeh.” I replied uncertainly. We walked over to the safety railing and sat on it with our legs dangling above the street below. Meanwhile, I searched the roof for that boy. He seemed to disappear, and I didn’t know if I should be worried or relieved.

Faith looked at me with concerned eyes. “Hey, Kari… You alright? You look like you just saw a ghost, or something.” She laughed nervously.

“Yeh. The ‘or something’ part sounds about right.” I muttered.

“Huh?”

“Nothing, I just haven’t been feeling well.”

She nodded. “I’ve noticed. You haven’t been getting much sleep lately. Everything okay at home?”

I stared at her in shock before smiling softly. I’ve done everything in my power to keep my sleep issues to myself, but Faith is my best friend. Why am I surprised that she could see right through me? “Yeh, I think I just need a new mattress, maybe.”

“Oh what? You should’ve told me! I would have gotten you one for your birthday!” Faith cried.

My laughs echoed through the air. It was nice to laugh… “C'mon, we’ve got about an hour to hang out before our last classes of the day.”

We sat on the railing together and just talked about our day. Of course, I left out the whole ‘psycho out to get me’ bit as to not worry my friend.

“So, gym was fun.” Faith started sarcastically. I said nothing, but continued to listen. “Just- ugh! That damned Aros! I hate that stupid fish! He thinks he’s all that just because he’s some high class Zora, or whatever!”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, yeh. He’s one of the few Zora who are able to use the sacred healing ability; you know just as well as I do that magic like that is passed down through the royal bloodline.” It’s true, I’ve practiced healing incantations before, but it was extremely difficult. And I was created by the gods themselves!

“Yeah I know. Stupid snarky brat pushed me during PE. Here, can you look at this scab I got because of him-?”

I quickly covered my eyes. “Ew, no! I don’t want to see it!”

“Oh c'mon! I’ve been picking at it for like two hours now, and it’s starting to hurt!” Faith rolled up her sleeve and shoved her scraped up elbow into my face.

“Faith, no!” I laughed slightly uncomfortably. “Come on, that’s gross!”

“Kiss it better?”

I shoved her playfully. “Absolutely not!”

~~

The rest of the day played out how it usually would. I went to history (and fell asleep because duh) before ducking behind the school and warping home. By the time I finished up my schoolwork, my mom had already gotten home and started dinner. We talked about our days as she cooked, and we both went to our rooms after eating.

I changed into some baggy clothes and flopped onto my bed; staring at the boring ceiling. I briefly mused about putting some stickers up there, but I quickly put the thought away for later. Of course I couldn’t fall asleep for the fourth night in a row, but it wasn’t too surprising considering the day I had.

That boy…

“I’m not one to be taken lightly, Kari.”

The mysterious boy’s words echoed in my head, and I shuddered involuntarily. Of course he’s not; he’s killed me countless times before. What makes this time any different? I sat up and reached for my scarf; hugging it close to my chest. For a moment I thought I’d have a panic attack, but I was able to calm myself down. I know I’ve been through this before in my past lifetimes, but I can’t remember if I was ever as scared and vulnerable like this…

For the first time in years, I don’t know what I should do to fix this…

And that terrifies me.

~~

Destroy her.

“Patience is virtue.” The violet haired boy chuckled to himself while staring out the window. He sat on the sill with one leg propped up and the other dangle out towards the street. “This one; she’s different from the others. I can practically taste the fear on her.” He subtly licked his lips and smirked. “To think she’d believe I’d be so merciful as to push her off the roof.” He laughed. “No, I think I’d rather take my time with you, my little runt.”

~~~~~

Hey yeah! I did a thing! I’m actually extremely proud of this, and I think I actually have a solid story arch for this! By that, I mean I have a decent ending, and then stuff for something of a sequel(?), but not much planned for the story in-between But it’s okay, I have a funny way of making this stuff work out for me somehow. And I’d never post something I didn’t love, so this story is in good hands. I know I won’t update this story every week, but you can bet almost each week, I’ll have a sweet oneshot out for you guys.

Speaking of which, Wednesday. Keep an eye out for the super long one I have planned for you. Honestly, it also has the potential for a second or even third part. So that’ll be fun.

… I’ll just leave this here in case people want to give me any issues. Disclaimer: I do not own Kari, Core, or anything Legend of Zelda related. I own Faith, Aros, and a few faces that’ll be showing up soon. Otherwise, I don’t own stuff.

Also, just gonna tag the owner and creator of Kari and Core, @karikitdemon​

Requests always OPEN.

[yugihell]

Rowan Reads YGO Volume 2

<– First  <-- Previous 

In which I (fairly pointlessly I know) liveblog my reading of Volume Two of the manga and talk about the things I found interesting, be they plot or character. Hey, there are free pictures, so it’s all cool.

In this volume we meet a Blue-Eyes-less Kaiba, electrocute a bunch of people and meet Shadi - the human incarnation of ‘A Bad Time’.

Next --> 

Volume 2

Duel 8

Joey is the type of guy to drop 400 bucks on a pair of trainers #confirmed

Tristan thinks this is dumb, but Joey still knows that he’ll come with him to get ‘em back after they’re stolen. Synced.

However pacifist you want to make Yugi later, right now Yugi is not at all bothered by the idea of Joey and Tristan beating people up.

In fact is possibly turned on by it.

Note: Atem does not appear when Yugi originally gets beaten up by those people, but does when Yugi is angry about the injustice of the man selling the shoes being in charge of the thieving operation.

Pictured Below: Atem entering a shop in the least heterosexual way imaginable.

(Yes Atem, that is how shops work.)

Atem doesn’t even need to penalty game the guy, just lets the scorpion go to town. …Atem, no you can’t keep the scorpion, no matter how unloved you think it is.

Yugi ‘woke up’ holding the shoes with the owner being taken to hospital. Not aware, but getting suspicious perhaps?

Duel 9 p.1

“The game is set up so both players are wizards. They use their cards to cast spells or summon monsters to fight.” Somehow that actually explains the Ancient Egyptian stuff more to me than the show did.

“I’ve heard of a fan in America who sold his house just to buy one.” Haven’t we all.

Yugi recognises Kaiba, who has apparently been in his class this whole time. And yet somehow doesn’t count as a celebrity or a student with a job. Ok.

Look, Joey’s so full of hope for a new friend.

“Come back after you collected at least 10,000 cards.” What the fuck are you Kaiba, a side-quest?

“I-I’ve never even seen this… I never thought I’d actually hold one.”

Wait, so Kaiba doesn’t have 3 Blue Eyes at this point?

Ok, so Arthur still gave Gramps the card in this universe, and so he treasures it. …Arthur from America… Who we see living in a trailer with his daughter in the anime - WAS HE THE ONE WHO SOLD HIS HOUSE?

Yugi is weak to Kaiba’s smile, but I think we all understand that, and shouldn’t think any less of him for falling for Kaiba’s card-swapping trick. Which in fairness, because he’s a pumpkin, he noticed immediately but didn’t want to mention in front of everyone, so as not to embarrass him. I love this boy.

It was all fun and games until you failed to understand the importance these people place on emotional bonds (slash that other-Yugi being very literal and seeing the card as Grandpa’s heart). Now Atem is gonna have to kick your ass.

Again, note that this is the catalyst for the transformation, not Yugi being hit in the face by Kaiba’s briefcase.

Duel 10 p.2

Kaiba is either an adrenaline junkie, or one of those people who just like to skirt death for the hell of it. That can’t be good.

“Off with her head!” Very Alice In Wonderland of you Kaiba.

Ok, so if you’re feeling bad about skipping turns in duels, remember the manga was doing it first.

“This game’s rules went out the window when the monsters started coming to life.” Look I’m not saying I agree, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get his reasoning here.

Kaiba telling ‘Yugi’ he should enter the next tournament. Already getting those tingling feelings we’ll call desire ‘to duel’.

Ok so the Blue Eyes is loyal to Grandpa and would rather destroy itself rather than attack ‘Yugi’. Which is, as Kaiba is rightly thinking, bullshit.

Then Atem uses Monster Reborn to bring back the Blue Eyes to his side. Oh that DSoD parallel bookend meta.

WAIT

STOP

Atem was the first person to trap someone’s soul in a card???

Oh boy.

Duel 11 p.1

There’s an empty desk - yeah Yup, cus Atem shoved Kaiba into a trading card- oh we’re talking about Joey. Alright then.

And we find out that Joey never skips class, interesting. And that he always gets an A+ in P.E. even if he flunks everything else.

Téa grudgingly admitting it’s lonely without him - aw, she does care.

Tristan’s known Joey since Middle School apparently.

Dad’s clearly been relying on those drink calories for the two days Joey’s been gone.

Rintama’s the ‘rough school’ I take it.

Seems like every part of this volume is trying to make it clear that it’s kind of Yugi’s ‘decision’ to switch, rather than Atem being protective and jumping in. Yugi gets punched in the face (and threatened with someone cutting off his hair - which if you’ve ever had ‘weird’ hair, is not a threat you take lightly) and no appearance from Atem at all.

Téa’s good feeling about Joey has gone.

And we learn that Joey nearly landed in Juvie because of his fights in gangs when he was rolling with Hirutani. Now I don’t know the Japanese or American education systems, but Middle School can’t be that old right? Who gave these babies knives.

Yugi decides they should go and get hime back, Tristan agrees, and Téa finally gets to tag along on one of the excursions too. Admittedly Honda’s doing most of the punching, and they’re just watching him lay into the guy, but it’s moral support.

“Whatcha thinking’ about Jonouchi? You rather be playing house with star-head.” Closeted bi Joey feels intensifying.

“No way I’m letting that pass…” Because he implied you were gay?

“No way I’m letting you get away with hitting my friend!” Oh good, that’s much better.

Duel 12 p.2

So they’re taking Joey “To the Torture Chamber”. Is that a thing gangs have?

Tristan insists on going into the gang’s place alone because Rintama means these guys are next level apparently. No ‘Téa = girl so obviously you can’t come’ line, which is nice.

“Yugi! Even though you’re my friend… I don’t want you falling to my level! ‘Kay?!” Cute.

Tristan bashes into that place like a superhero. “Honda The Man is here!! Give Jonouchi ba-“ You know this guy has white knight fantasies.

…Ok. That got weird fast. Headcanon that they totally know Joey isn’t straight.

The guy knocks out a dude with a taser while his hands are literally tied behind his back, can we get a ‘hell yeah’ for Joey right here.

Yugi uses the Millennium Baedar to find Joey, and the glimpses he sees of them electrocuting Joey are apparently enough that the ‘nope’ switch is flicked.

Maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see, but that looks like a very ‘Yugi’ Atem. “I’m gonna electrocute these guys.” “Go for it.”

I need some fanart of that scene - Yugi/Atem just standing there with that ‘You’re dead, and you’re dead, and you’re dead’ look in his eyes, with the rain running off him.

Atem gets punched in the face, and has a sort of ‘Ready Steady Cook’ moment, where he works out how to use the items he fell into to make a death game.

Note of interest: Atem can still stay up-front if he’s a short distance away from the puzzle. We see him hang around in ghost form when Yugi’s not wearing the puzzle (when he’s hung it on his bed post or whatever), but this is the first time I’m aware of him fronting without it on.

I can only assume Atem is using Yugi’s knowledge here (or has been around while Yugi’s been watching some violent films - also possible), because electricity+water+standing on a rubber tire is not an equation I’d expect an ancient pharaoh to come up with.

Either Atem or Yugi’s got Joey down by the time the others arrive. Also we don’t see the bodies of the people in question. Maybe Atem’s got savvy to not leaving dead people lying around so obviously - Yugi watched a crime drama perhaps.

Joey moans Yugi’s name and grabs onto him in a way that could mean he’s happy to see his actual white/grey knight (sorry Tristan), or that he saw what ‘Yugi’ just did and is trying to ask what in the fucking fuckedy fuck.

Duel 13 p.1

The Ancient Egypt exhibit is coming to town, so maybe we’ll get to learn a thing or two.

First thing we learn is that Joey is MiddleClass-White-American level afraid of curses. Téa is a horrible friend who brings up the fact that everyone who found the Puzzle all died mysterious deaths, making Joey panic that Yugi’s cursed, while Téa howls with laughter in the background: “Of course I’m not cursed! (Don’t scare him, Anzu…)” - you’re all adorable.

“But still… Ever since I completed this Puzzle, there’s been times when I lose my memory… I’d better not tell everyone… They’d think it was creepy…”

Um, Ginny Weasley wants to have some words with you. (You know that could make for a good crossover fic. And these items kind of are like Horcruxes… Sorry, I digress.)

Joey telling Yugi not to wear his uniform at weekends. Come on Yugi, you could get in on a child ticket, there’s a good reason to have people assume you’re about ten years old today.

Yugi doesn’t want to let Kanekura display the Puzzle, but agrees for one day. Picturing Atem in there like a kicked puppy.

Shadi arrives in the most ominous plane landing shot of all time. This is why we couldn’t set Yu-Gi-Oh in America, there’d have been too much time spent on ‘random security checks’ for a guy dressed like that. (Pages 323-451 Shadi gets his Millennium Items held by customs and has to fill out 16 forms before he can get them back).

Yugi thought “Archeologists were treasure hunters with dreams of making it big” and has his dreams shot down by a guy who tells him that’s just in the movies, and it’s one of the worst paid professions. This is why you got to get into becoming a Pro Duelist and indie board game maker. That’s where the money’s at.

I half think that the reason Yugi’s ok with all this weird stuff is because he has been way too warped by TV to know what’s normal and what’s not.

We get to see a Mummy (that some people think is Atem’s - honestly I say it’s someone else’s, just because of how it looks (taller and more angular) and that it’s implied he has a name - unlike ‘the nameless pharaoh’. Similar enough to Set though, if you want that agony.

Shadi pats Yugi on the head and calls him “a nice little boy…” and Yugi inwardly seethes. That uniform trick doesn’t work when they’re not from around here, sorry.

Yugi sat outside the museum on his own, counting the minutes until he gets his puzzle back. Oh my heart.

Shadi murders the guy who wanted to buy the Puzzle between one panel and the next. Ok.

“My bloodline has guarded the tombs for 3,000 years.” …Is he related to the Ishtars? Is that a stupid question?

Shadi is smart enough to know to follow the money to find the real ‘tomb defiler’, good for you bro. Break the system and all that.

The shadow game he plays involves a Scale-based game of truth or dare, with the dare being ‘dare to lie and you will die’. What happens if you tell the truth - answer correctly. Does the scale still go down because the actions ar bad, or is it simply because you lied?

Yugi waiting for the Puzzle. Still cute.

Kanekura gets eaten by Ammit - figuratively, uh well, mentally, but it’s still a horrible image.

Shadi wants to use the Key to see if Yugi has “the same power as my blood line” which… doesn’t match up to Atem. Magic then? Answers on a postcard please.

This turns out to be a mistake, as it sounds like Atem has been wanting a ‘visitor’ for quite some time.

…This is gonna be some Saw shit isn’t it?

Duel 14 p.2

For the first time it’s implied to us that Atem is not just a separate being, but also a pharaoh - Shadi’s remarks on his room’s decoration. But Shadi doesn’t seem to know who he is.

Note: Atem is reflecting Yugi’s current appearance, in that he’s not wearing the Puzzle.

Shadi’s now changed his tune and admits to Atem that he doesn’t know what power is bestowed on the person who completes it, because no-one ever has. “And if that power is needed… I will draw it into my bloodline…” ???

“You know the routine… This is a game! A shadow game!!” Atem self-aware enough to lampshade it at least.

Shadi says he can “Redecorate” and control that person at will, and even destroy their personality, which appears to perturb Atem, as it should. But Shadi accepts and starts to traverse the trapped maze, while Atem leans on a wall, trying to be all cool. Then he teleports away to the proper room, because this isn’t a dimension with physics.

“This boy’s soul is tightly closed against strangers.”

We need to do something with that line, that is a good line.

Atem pretends to (?) consider pushing Shadi into the final trap, but helps him up instead.

“I don’t like your hobby of peeking into people’s souls.” There’s so much double-thinking going on here I can’t process Atem just said that.

Yugi says Shadi closed his eyes and stopped moving, implying he was conscious for Shadi’s adventuring. So the fronting soul keeps up front, and Shadi’s actions are not instantaneous in ‘the real world’.

Shadi says he owes ‘the other you’ but Yugi laughs at him, saying he’s the only ‘me’ there is. Shadi tells him he must discover his ‘other self’ to awaken the true power of the Millennium Puzzle.

Shadi reveals his name is ’Shadi’ and says it is the first time he’s ever told it to anyone - HOW HAS DSOD MADE SHADI EVEN MORE CONFUSING THAN HE WAS BEFORE????

Duel 15

We’re going to have a ‘sorry a dude you know died and you might be cursed’ trip to Professor Yoshimori, and Yugi is having his first ‘guided by heart’ moment in that he wants to come along with his grandpa, but suggests Téa and Joey don’t come along when they happen upon them on their way to him. (This also means Joey and Téa spend social time together - nice.)

Shadi’s having a rootle around Yoshimori’s soul room.

“His heart is cluttered with his obsession with the past.” -sips tea and looks at Atem, but says nothing-

Once he realises Yugi is coming, he then redecorates the soul room to turn Yoshimori into his puppet, to draw out Yugi’s power in the second stage of his game with “Yugi within Yugi”.

Joey: “I hate schools at night! They’re so creepy!”

Téa: “You don’t have a shred of courage, do you Jonouchi?”

She goes for his life every time, I swear.

Shadi has his puppet strangle Jonouchi and-

Cut.

Hey, literally nothing happened that chapter besides set-up. Aw man.

Next -->

[tthevoidinmysoul]

thoughts on 2015 - 31/12/2015

hey there. This is going to be a summary of 2015 or smth. Here it goes.

First of all, i’m crying lol. Last year I did something similar to this and I just read it and wow. Idr what stuff you had to put up 2014-deku but yo, it got slightly better.

This year I started studying Animation. I changed from Graphic Design because I realized it wasn’t what I wanted to do. It was p intense because it was a new start. Again. Luckily my first semester went smoothly. I learnt lots of stuff and got to do so many new things that have changed my goals in a v nice way. The first semester I also got a uh recognition ??? a like a diploma thing congratulating me for my grades from the previous semester and i was like woaah!! :O. In the ceremony I was recognized as Animation, not Graphic Design, even tho it had been bc of GD lol. There I met (more like jus briefly saw) a guy who also had gotten the diploma for animation, and we jus shared greetings and that was it.

That semester was okay. HA IT WASNT I JUS REMEMBERED. I got into trouble with some of my classmates. It’s a very small generation, like 24 people, and I was the new one, so ofc I’d get paired into teams with the people that nobody wanted to work with. I was so mad because of the mediocrity of the students, and i’m talking about 20-yo, full fledged adults, who couldn’t even do the simplest of things. So I got fed up and I remember I talked rly roughly at this guy in a class bc gdi he was awful. Luckily the rest of the class (who was present) supported me, telling me that the things I told him were things that they’ve meant to tell him and never had, so it was okay. Unfortunately it happened again and that time it wasnt as pretty as the last. I got paired w this girl who always cried when I talked to her (she always made herself a victim of her life and weird, negative stuff), and dear lorde pleas save me. When I finally went and talked to her bc she was doing literally NOTHING, the girl had the nerve to yell at me, in the middle of the classroom (which was fulled with my classmates and students from other generations), and leave. I was so confused and sad and mad at myself because I had done it again, fuck things up with teamwork. Long short story we’re okay now but I’m never doing something with her ever again in my life. My grades went down a lil but it wasnt that much, so I expected to be recognized again next semester.

oh boy.

SUMMER!!!!!111111 Woah. waaaaaaaah WHAT A SUMMER I HAD! This was SO FUN OH wait b4 summer I went into surgery again lmao. BUT I RECOVERED JUS FINE and im good yo. My bro went to Seattle to work with Microsoft bc he’s baddass and awesome and I was (and am) v happy for him but it also got me thinking a lot of things like what the fuck am I doing with my life. And here comes the reason I was cryin when I first started writing this. This summer I met wonderful, wonderful people. I made friends. FRIENDS. Friends that i hadn’t made in more than a year. It makes me fuzzy to think that I have such wonderful people by my side that i can laugh with, cry with, share things with, be deep with and be stupid with. I’m so happy I met you guys, I’ve grown so so so much since I’ve known you and as I told you yesterday, meeting you definitely has been one of the best things that have happened in my life.

I remember last year I cut my hair, really short. And I thought “if I turn out to be a lesbian, i’m blaming it on the haircut”. And guess what lmao. OKay maybe i’m not a lesbian but im deffo not straight either. I guess I knew I liked girls since highschool but didn’t bother to come up with a label untill now. I’m still finding out things about me and I have someone who keeps me company when I need em. WINKS ON U THANK FRIEND FOR LETTING ME RANT ABT MY THOUGHTS LMAO.

Then the second semester happened. I wasnt recognized as a top student this time. I was confused like lol, i’m gr9 wat hap. Turns out only the 1% of the student body of each degree gets the thing and oh surprise there are only 110 ppl in Animation. So boohoo the other mysterious boy got the diploma. And man was it a big blow. I was angry, angry as I could get. Obv not at the guy, at me. Because I had failed to myself, to my parents. Angry because I felt like an idiot, I couldn’t keep doing the thing that I excelled, being good at school. And I felt so angry because I was that. I was a top student, that was my main strength, and it was taken from me in a second.

One day my animation teacher separated me from the class and told me that I was the best animator from my generation. I am shit at animating, I know that. He knows that, and yet I am the best. That made me feel extremely uncomfortable, because that meant that I was the best, of the worst. It made me feel anxious, because that meant he had high expectations of me, being the best. Anxious because the best animator in the career was this guy who was recognized both last and this semester, and booooy. BOoooooooooooooy he’s a prodigy. A PRODIGY. He’s excellent and I am pure shit. From that day everything went downhill. BUT BEFORE THAT

Something good happened. I also made friends with prodigy boy. My first irl friend in more than 2 years. He turns out to be awesome and cool and so damn sincere and humble I can’t with his existence. We started talking thanks to a song, Somewhere beyond the sea. God bless that song, thanks to it I have now met an awesome human being yay. Turns out prodigy boy and I are very similar in many things, being angry at today’s society being the main one lmao. I have never met someone like him ever in my life. I respect him a lot and I want to remain as his friend for as long as I can. Sadly i’m very nervous around him because I’m very shy, I hope I dont mess this up like I did 4 years ago cries.

Back to shit. I was okay the first 2 terms but I just went pure shit on finals. For our animation course we had to enter a competition and I was very confident on my entry. Prodigy boy had landed in place #101, being the highest ever for an Animation student of my uni. I had high expectations of myself and everything was going to be alright, until it wasn’t. We presented our work a week before the deadline to our class, and I had a panic attack. I made a mess of myself and embarrassed me in front of everybody, I felt terrible and I cried a lot (thankfully in the bathroom). My entry was shit and I knew it and the teacher knew it and everybody did and the prodigy boy was there and he saw it and I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life I swear. It’s one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. After that even tho I tried correcting my entry it was still shit and I crashed in place #142, being 5th of my class. And I was angry. So angry because I had failed. To myself, to the teacher, to the prodigy boy. To myself. I cried so much, like I had never before. My overall grades went down, again not so much but still. Turns out prodigy boy has a younger brother who’s as good as he is and it’s making me anxious. But whatever.

SO YEAH 2015 GOOD JOB. This year was bittersweet as fuck. I have learned so much, lost so much, gained so much, cried so much, laughed so much, EVERYTHING SO MUCH!?!?!. I’m just wah overwhelmed with everything that happened.

2016 DEKU: QUESTION TIME

How much did you fuck up? lmao

how did the short films went?

are you still friends with prodigy boy? 

have you found yourself bc I failed miserably lmao

so yea das it tbh 2016 WATCH OUT OMG THE ZELDA GAME IS COMINGRIGHT U BETTTER HAVE BOUGHT IT ALREADY OR IMA PUNCH U HARD

- A