#myblogmyrulesmymess

[senbons]

I feel like chapter 3 would be so intense in Temari's pov especially towards the end where she confessed and then discovered and then...decided. I'm sorry you have to listen to my whim but have you ever think about it? Writing some parts in her pov in the future?

Sorry I missed this ask!

It definitely would be a suuuuuper interesting exercise to write that entire night from her point of view. A really tough dissection of where she began to where she ended (confession, discovery, decision). I definitely think about it! I worked through a lot of different iterations of how exactly it went down before settling on this one (which I think @myblogmyrulesmymess (my life long beta) called the most confusing paragraph I'd ever written 😂😂😭).

That said, I have no plans to actually write out her pov! If that changes, I will let you know!!!

I can't tell you how happy it makes me though that you're thinking about it. It literally made my whole day.

[imjustlo]

Can you explain the QPR thing, please?

Sure! QPR is short for queer platonic relationship, or quasi platonic relationship if the individuals involved are uncomfortable with using queer (straight people can enter QPRs, it’s not just an ace and aro thing). It’s another relationship type just like friendship, romance, best-friendship, familial, acquaintanceship, etc. The general definition is “somewhere between friendship and romance, closer than what society might consider a friendship should be, but not romantic in nature according to the people involved.” Sometimes sex is included, sometimes it isn’t. This is pretty vague, so let’s unpack it!

First of all, I’ve had people tell me they’ve realized they’re in a QPR after I’ve explained what they are, and that... bothers me. It might just be me, but I consider QPRs to be up there with romance in regards to emotional intimacy and commitment (people differ from me, though, and that’s okay!), and I believe in communicating with your partner and being on the same page. I hear stories of “I realized I was in romantic relationship and had been in one for a while”, and that’s a bit... weird? To me? You need to discuss with your friend/partner where the boundaries are in your relationship, and what you’re going to call your relationship. Don’t force “queer platonic” on them because that level of intimacy (and changing the label you put on your relationship is a form of intimacy) may not be something they’re comfortable with, and you can’t make that decision for them.

Also, if you consider yourself to be in a QPR and you don’t tell the person you consider to be your partner, you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt, because even if you tell yourself you don’t need to set up the boundaries of that relationship, they’re there, and your “partner” is going to cross them. If you consider someone to be your boyfriend but he thinks you’re friends, he’s gonna “cheat on you”, but it will be on you, because you decided he was your boyfriend without even knowing if he wanted to be. I’ve heard stories of people “ruining” their friendships by proclaiming themselves in QPRs and getting their hearts broken when their friend gets weirded out by it because they aren’t into the idea. It’s a relationship type like any other, with its boundaries and intimacies, and you have to set those up, either formally (sitting down and hashing in out) or informally (most friendships have informal boundaries; you don’t sit down with friends and talk about hard and soft boundaries usually, though they might be there, e.g. “did you vote in favor of marriage equality? No? whelp, goodbye”).

Now that that’s out of the way, the crux of the issue: Are QPRs just best-friendships? Short answer: no. Long answer: It depends on the QPR.

Let’s bring it back to romantic relationships. Romantic relationships can look like any other relationship to outsiders. They can look like co-dependency, casual friendship, friends with benefits, best-friendship, etc etc, but what makes a romantic relationship romantic is the people involved deciding it is one. There doesn’t need to be sex involved, you don’t even need to want to be together for the rest of your lives, none of that makes a relationship romantic. It’s the people that do.

It’s the same for QPRs. Some look like casual friendships, others like best-friendships, others still like friends with benefits, but a lot will look like romantic relationships. That’s certainly the type of QPR I want, and I don’t mind if my future husband/partner views our relationship romantically as long as he’s aware and comfortable that I view it queer platonically. I’ve had therapists try to force me to say I want a romantic relationship because what I want sounds exactly like one—but to me, for whatever reason, the term “romantic” feels like the wrong word, and who the fuck cares if I just need to change the label to feel comfortable with something? It’s hurting literally no one.

Also it’s important to note that a lot of QPRs have the intention of being together for life, regardless of what other relationship type they might look like to outsiders.

(None of this next paragraph is directed at you, myblogmyrulesmymess, just at the discourse in general, because I’m tired and want people to stop throwing aces and aros under the bus.)I know the difference between acquaintances and friends and best friends and partners. I use the terms every day. I have several acquaintances, two or three friends, no best friends at the moment but I’ve had a few in the past, but I’ve never had a queer platonic partner, because I haven’t transitioned yet and it makes dating weird. A lot of aro and ace people (the group of people that use the term QPR most often) know the difference, as well, and while some might be confusing the term QPR with best-friendship (though it’s impossible to tell if they are; like I said, it depends on them, not anyone else), it’s condescending and presumptuous to assume we don’t.

I hope that clears it up!

tl;dr: QPRs (queer/quasi platonic relationships, or just platonic life partnerships) are just another relationship type that are categorized by being “in between” friendship and romance, though they can match romance in terms of intimacy depending on the QPR, and like any other relationship type, they can look like any other relationship type. The deciding factor of what makes the relationship whatever it is is the people involved and whether they see it that way.

[v-lk]

Get to know me!

tagged by @f-eru  

Rules: Answer to 30 questions and then tag 20 blogs you’d like to get to know better

Nickname: Deen

Gender: nah

Zodiac: virgo

Height: 163 cm

Age: 19 atm

Time: night

fav band/solo artists: this ganna be random - Paramore, adele, troye sivan, foster the people, aizat amdan, yuna, 5sos, james blunt, owlcity, bastille, marina and the diamonds,lorde, taylor swift, niall horan, one direction, harry styles, lauv, post malone, shawn mendes (esp his latest album, im living) hozier, fall out boy, bon iver, eden, birdy, dodie, sia, khalid, bazi, dua lipa, mayday parade, all time low, pvris,hayley kiyoko, james young, midnight fusic (learn to love em) ruth b, panic! at the disco ..... i’ve got a shit ton honey i cant keep track.

Song stuck in my head: bloom- troye sivan, youngblood - 5sos

Last movie I saw: the boss (the one mccarthy starred lmao)

Last thing I googled: netflix

Other blogs:fandom blog - p-mnia (peek at ur own discretion)

Do I get asks: nahpe

Why I chose this username: no reason. i just tried out some few combination of alphabets that i like and voila. ppl might think i got the inspiration from valak the conjuring? that may be so, but i’d like to think it meant a valkyrie, (esp watching god of war 4 i appreciate it more)

Following: 783 

Average amount of sleep: on weekdays, 4-5 at night a few hours afternoon. on weekends, i mgiht as well sleep 20 hours a day

What I’m wearing: a batik pants and a sleeveless shirt

Dream Job: cybercafe + flowershop + bookstore owner (a 3in1 thing cuz)

Dream Trip: greenland

Favorite Food: i love me some cheesecake, anything matcha related, and pulut ikan masin + kelapa (what is the english again, glutton rice? salted fish and coconut sprinkle or sth honestly i dunno)

Play(ed) sports: karate (loved it and suck at it ) netball, volleyball (hated these but it was fine and i also suck at em too)

Hair Color: dark brown

Eye Color: mahogany lmao

Most Iconic Song: pumped up kicks - foster the people 

Languages you speak/are learning: speak malay, occasionally english, learned a lil japanese and korean from anime and dramas, learned arabic for a decade but i didnt remember shit now lmao

Random fact : got nicknamed donut cuz i didnt particualrly like it, and gorilla cuz my bad temper

Describe yourself as aesthetics: spilled and stained coffee on papers, storm and thunderclaps at night, wilted bouquet of flowers, paper cuts, unmade bed, abandoned theme park, scattered paper and books on the floor, broken spectacles, the smell of spices and wood, whales and narwhals. i dunno i dont have any fitting aesthetic, im basically trash.

Tagging: @junglefish95 @ns-shizaya @springfield-s @myblogmyrulesmymess @mako-chaaan  @thatweirdkido @bluee-cactus @lullabybys @p-sychotique and whoever wants to join in, tag me again if you do it too. 

[swallowedastar]

I was tagged by the @wickedlydevious :’) to post: 

1. Phone Wallpaper  2. Most recent photo 3. Most recent song 

And in return I shall tag:

@princess-lo-lo

@thewittiestpartition

@lokihiddleston

@myblogmyrulesmymess

[borealisinwonderland]

myblogmyrulesmymess replied to your photoset:BANGS.

Cute!

tHANKS AAH im so happy wow i feel rly vain but idc much at the moment haha

[kkelenca]

myblogmyrulesmymess replied to your post: HI, I'm one of those not too talkative followers...

OMG… THAT David Boreanaz gif *melts*

eeeheeeeheeeeheeeee

AND SOME SASSY SPIKE FOR FUNSIES. (I have it titled SpikeOooLaLa in my gif folder 9_9)

[senbons]

has anyone here every read celeste ng’s Everything I Never Told You??

bc i’m about to write a fic on it but if anyone wants to discuss please come help

[imjustlo]

myblogmyrulesmymess replied to your post: Can you explain the QPR thing, please?

Hey wow… so much information. Thank you for taking the time to explain that, I appreciate it a lot.

No problem!

[v-lk]

I feel bad you cant eat it- if only we can download it and eat it- i'll love the net once more - Your welcome *^^*

[swallowedastar]

Flowers... a wolf... maybe both

Most definitely. Thanks Appy. Kissu Kissu.  

[cardcaptormargot]

myblogmyrulesmymess replied to your post: my family left me a note saying “we went to the...

You know how to make sushi?! Wow!

I didn't see this :C sorry Appy

and yes, I know how to make sushi :D cooking is one of my talents :D

[sasucakez]

myblogmyrulesmymess started following you

oh, you're luc and annie's friend! hi! o3o

[kkelenca]

HI, I'm one of those not too talkative followers of yours. I really really enjoy your art and your opinions (even when I'm not part of some of the fandoms) and hope you had the best of birthdays. Congratulations on becoming a year wiser!

Thank you very much, I had a pretty nice one, all things considered!

Glad to have you along for the ride still, even with my tendency to be a bit all over the place and be overly chatty from time to time!

[senbons]

ranting about a review on my shikatema writing

okay so someone wrote this long review and complained that i make temari ooc by making her not in control and being deferential to shikamaru...

so i wrote back this long piece about how the story is from her POV, and basically the thesis was: she is in love with someone she doesn't feel justified in loving, so she feels out of control, but in her mind, he doesn't have this problem, so he is the one controlling everything. like she puts the blame on him for following her around, etc, like he is controlling things, whereas if this were from his POV, he would see her as the one in charge completely. like he is so desperate not to see her again BECAUSE he doesn't want to be as out of control as he was when they first met and she left.and then the person wrote back and was like, yes, i see how you could interpret that in the story, but i think because you frequently write this way, we frequently see temari being played upon and not him

and i feel like that is not at all true.like in the last chapter of tsaf v2, it is from his POV and she is in control the whole time and he keeps wondering how she knows everything when clearly if it were to swtich she'd likely say the same thing about him

but the response from the reader was very "final", like "don't write me again" kind of thing

and i know it is out there to be interpreted however

and i shouldn't be angry

but i am kind of pissed that they'd say she is out of character in my stories -- the whole point of me writing her this way is that i see her as being very IN CONTrol her whole life, so when she is overwhelemed with feelings for someone else she kind of panics because how can she be so conscious of another person, but eventually she overcomes that because she is rational and confident, etc. i feel like people who just write her being super controlling and him just complaining all the time are the ones who make their characters 2-dimensional

okay sorry im ranting

but i really needed to be express this irritation.

[imjustlo]

myblogmyrulesmymess replied to your post: Reading chapter 31 of Nirvana in Fire made me want...

I have no idea what this post is about but “YOU MIGHT BE A PRINCE BUT I’M A GAY TEXAN” has to be my favourite phrase ever.

XD XD XD It’s a chinese novel! Very good, do recommend!

[v-lk]

Here's your cookies ! Hahha- Thank you *^^*