#my writing: deathless
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the woman in white, wilkie collins ⬧ deathless, catherynne m. valente
#born too late to write an impassioned letter to collins for marian's hand in marriage#born just in time to make a self indulgent deathless comp post on tumblr dot com 👌#was count fosco an inspirational archetype for valente's koschei.. well i have my theories#the woman in white#wilkie collins#deathless#📘.txt#lit tag
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Hi GT! What are you reading right now? What were your favourite books last year? Do you write annotations as you read? Use tabs? I’m curious about what kind of reader you are!
Sending all my love & gratitude for you & your prose! Lionheart is truly a delight & one of the loveliest parts of my week.
I'm currently reading Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment. I pick my reads through a process of "bug my friends about what they're reading" and "wander around bookstores and libraries until The Cosmos sends me the book I need." The results are, in my experience, exceptional. I usually get my books from libraries, so I neither tab nor annotate, though I don't do it in the books I own, either. Usually if I have a particular theory or through-line I want to trace in a book I'll write up a little mini-essay or review about it, like a reading journal.
In general, I'm a fast, picky, flighty reader. I have absolutely no reservations about DNFing a book — I think the alternative is a silly function of sunk cost — if the author's giving signals that they're going to fuck the reader over, or if I'm just not interested in the approach the author is taking to their project. (E.g. A Sport and a Pastime, by James Salter, is a project about voyeurism and narrativizing. Love it! It undertakes this project by having a mythically handsome Yale dropout fuck a waitress for 200 pages. Did not love it. I made the mistake of finishing the book because I, like a fool, assumed he would at some point stop fucking the waitress and stumble into a plot. Life lesson learned: if an author has been fucking the waitress for at least 100 pages, odds are, he intends to keep fucking the waitress.)
You could argue that I miss out on books where the middle and ending makes the project work. I probably do. But my own view is that if I'm 30% deep in a book and the author hasn't given me a reason to trust them, it's because I probably shouldn't.
#greenteacup asks#favorite books last year uhhhhh oh god oh fuck#read the locked tomb trilogy! if you like my writing style you'll love tamsyn muir#read emma by jane austen read deathless by cat valente#READ DEATHLESS please#read atonement... god DAMN last year was a good year in reading#i'm waiting to hit that kind of stride this year#we'll see. we'll see
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Here, read our story about a mage sacrificing a college student for immortality and power. TW, uh, human sacrifice
#This one's not bad#I think wi were working through some issues with self loathing on this one?#secret tumblr fact: the demon in this is inspired by the descriptions of demons in Max Gladstone's Choice of Deathless or whatever its call#fantastic demons in that bad boy#my writing
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wtf
#‘just read dracula/harker’ yall simply do not get it#only 3????? i had So Many thoughts rewatching that movie yesterday#orlok: such a lovely young man.. can’t we spend more of the night together?#after sucking on his thumb too#hutters actor was a lifelong commie who fled the nazis to the soviet union like. cmon. i’m INTRIGUED#yall suck . only three.#one day i will finally write this & my Koscheit the Deathless/Ivan tsarevich too lmao
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i;m mad at shadow peach becuase shes so fucking cool but i dont want the video game to end
#skye's ramblings#im still in the cutscene i havent even started the fight yet. because i'm writing tumblr posts#part of me wanted to get the automatic game over for the funny but i have somehow gone through this entire game without#-me or any of my partners dying at any point. and i don't want to lose my deathless streak even though im pretty sure the game doesnt care#heres hoping shadow peach doesnt murder me <3 though now it would honestly be really funny if she did
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Cracking an egg
He cracked Koschei's soul egg, and Koschei became a woman. Baba yaga cried: "FINALLY" as she and her new lover embraced.
#my writing#idle thoughts#writing#fiction#baba yaga#transgender#Koschei the deathless#MtF Koschei the deathless#🥚
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I had a creative writing professor who was a prick but could be right sometimes, and he talked about how poetic writing is most effective in contrast with simple and straightforward writing, which is why "purple prose" can become incredibly dull and numbing to read as you go on. This isn't a perfect rule because there are some works that utilize a specific register of writing that feels elevated or poetic throughout, and they're doing it to achieve a specific effect, but it takes a skilled writer to do that and not make it punishing or parodic. But it's always come in handy for me as a thinking tool and I find it tends to hold true in other settings and applications, that the strongest effects are generated by contrasts, and I think that's what the horror genre does as well. A movie about a child who is lost to loneliness and death, thinking she's entered a magical world (Pan's Labyrinth) is effective precisely because of the ironic contrast between the reality we understand she's living in and the reality she perceives, the fate we know she experiences and the fantasy she has of the meaning of her death (and this isn't even talking about the roles of gender and politics in the story). (Coraline could also be argued as an example of this type of story, but it's aimed at children so has a happier ending.) Horror often generates its effects by contrasting the world as it should be and the world as it is in the context of the story, so naturally will have stuff to say and teach about what "the world as it should be" is and means.
#sorry sorry ok#I'm opening foucalt's pendulum now#also my number one example of punishing and parodic purple prose is deathless by Catherynne m valenti.#dear god woman. I read six gun Snow White I know you can write. what the fuck
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hi assimbya,
i truly love your deathless fics on ao3 and wondered if you could write more for me especially?
I am so glad to know that you enjoyed them so much! I don't know how many more stories I have to tell for that canon, at least not right now, but it is lovely to know that the ones I have written are appreciated.
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bunny girl : 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑒. ( edit 01 )
#♡ ❛ 𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑠.#♡ 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 ❛ darling girl. deathless girl.#i should be writing....#i'm just practicing my nonexistent ps skills
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books that I used to think were one and the same:
six of crows and maggie stiefvater's the raven cycle
seth dickinson's the traitor baru cormorant and tamsyn muir's gideon the ninth
shadow and bone and catherynne valente's deathless
katherine arden's the winternight trilogy and catherynne valente's deathless
catherynne valente's deathless and ekaterina sedia's the secret history of moscow
#I once had a full conversation about deathless with someone#before realizing that they weren't talking about the secret history of moscow/that it wasn't the same book#I see a woman named katarina writing Russian-inspired fantasy I put it in the same drawer in my mind's cupboard along with the others
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✧ on repeat tag ✧
rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist & post the first ten tracks, then tag people
The Fire by Griffinilla
The Vampire by Solace and Fury
Pierce by 6XT7
Fight Fire with Gasoline by Self Deception
The Devil Inside by Des Rocs
A Villain's Monologue by Blood Command
God Complex by VIOLENT VIRA
Deathless by Lord of the Lost
Auf Wiedersehen Boy by Zeromancer
House of Wolves by SadSongsOnly (cover)
tagged by @famewolf
idk who to tag so if you see this then tag youre it!
#seeing Deathless surrounded by so many metal songs is really funny#especially because there are several other lord or the lost songs in my on repeat that fit this general vibe more LOL#anyway its mostly aggressive metal#and also mostly just the top 30 songs of my likes 'cause ive just been playing that from the top down recently#i crave violence#have a secret 11th song since it came on while writing this and is very good#11. Vengeance is Mine by Sentenced
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How much is calliope able to tell sindri of the Greek world?
So far, she hasn't really told him a lot about Greece, except that she's from Sparta, and a bit about the creation of humans in Greek mythology XDD I think Sindri's spent more time telling her stories about Midgard, specifically dwarf legends and his memories of Faye!
Speaking of, it's been a while since I shared a snippet of the fic, hasn't it? Below is a little piece of Sindri and Calliope sharing stories; for context, they're at Sindri's hideout in Svartalfheim, and Calliope's been visiting him at his forge just to chat and spend time together :D
“I thought of an old dwarf legend to tell you,” he offered. “Want to hear it?”
“Yes!” Calliope piped. “What kind of story is it?”
He smiled slightly. “It’s about the first ruler of the dwarves …”
Sindri went on to tell her about Durinn, the first dwarf ever created, and how he founded many great kingdoms and wielded the strongest of all hammers. Durinn made many manikins out of the earth, which were given life by the gods, becoming humans. Other dwarves evolved from the maggots that ate the first Giant’s flesh, and they all formed Durinn’s clan.
“Maggots!” Calliope repeated, failing to repress a shudder. “I wouldn’t want to come from a maggot!”
“Then what would you come from?” Sindri asked, amused. “Would you rather be made from the earth?”
“That’s what we say in my homeland,” Calliope said. “The first humans were made from clay. At least with clay, you can sculpt it any way you want!”
That was true. And at one point, Sindri had been just as disgusted by the maggot legend as she was.
He told her a few other stories, having thought up a very short list of all the happy ones, or at least those that didn’t end badly. Calliope hung on his every word, asking questions and poking for more details. Like, what did Durinn do in his leisure time? Did he make weapons like Sindri? Or did he build other things? And the famous alchemist Ivaldi, wasn’t he ever worried about making a mess with his experiments? Did he ever take a break? If his sons were always helping him, maybe that was their idea of family time!
Her chattering drudged up memories of the past – Atreus, around Calliope’s height, pestering Sindri with questions of dwarven history. Sindri saw him in his mind’s eye, perched on the edge of the worktable, idly swinging his feet.
I really wanna see Svartalfheim someday, Atreus chattered on. If its tower ever opens up, will you show me around? I wanna meet all the dwarves and learn their stories!
Sindri shook himself. That time was long past. Atreus finally got around to seeing Svartalfheim, though Sindri wasn’t able to give him a tour. Even if he could, there wasn’t much to show, or many dwarves to meet, given how they’d all shunned him at the time.
Then again … Maybe Calliope wouldn’t mind seeing more of Svartalfheim. She certainly seemed interested in Niðavellir, far below the mountain they stood on. One day, perhaps, Sindri could show her around there.
Calliope eventually grew bored of engraving practice and helped Sindri around the forge instead. Once he finished his current project (a very sturdy shield), she offered to sing the Thrymskviða for him.
Calliope’s music was an entirely different experience from listening to dwarf music. Hel, Sindri was tempted to put it on Faye’s level, and he considered Faye’s voice to be high art in itself. Calliope’s voice was pure and clear, like water from a mountain spring, or the snow glistening on Midgard’s peaks. Her magic lay just beneath the surface, waiting to be used, but she didn’t need it; the story of the Thrymskviða unfolded in his mind like painted murals moving on wooden panels. He saw King Thrym stealing Mjölnir while Thor slept, followed by Thor’s rage, and the Aesir’s meeting to discuss solutions … And the song ended.
Sindri blinked, coming out of his daze. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
“Yes, but I haven’t practiced the next verses as much,” Calliope said, embarrassed. “I didn’t want to mess them up here.”
“Even if you did, I’m sure you’d still sound great. You, uh, you really have a voice.”
Calliope’s cheeks flushed red. “Thank you.”
#asks#gennethapang#god of war#god of war ragnarok#au#sindri#calliope#greek mythology#norse mythology#writing#fanfiction#my writing#my fanfiction#so gow 2018 switched the first dwarves around if i remember right#motsognir was the first dwarf created in norse mythology#but the game made him a son of ivaldi for some reason#meanwhile durinn was the second dwarf created bu t i decided to pull a tolkien and make him the first loll#for those unfamiliar with the dwarves in tolkien's legendarium#his character is durin the deathless who's one of the seven fathers of the dwarves#very famous dwarf indeed in the middle-earth lore XDDD
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the fact that i had accidentally created a similar magic system to full metal alchemist (with even a similar motivation for the male antihero - that is, bringing someone back from the dead, with horrifying consequences) before i even watched one episode of the show is extremely funny to me ngl
#of course it's SIMILAR but very much not THE SAME#i thought about a magic based on transmutation (nothing is created from nothing etc.)#but in my story there are also the Spirits of Elements/semigods similar to tolkien's valar (in lack of a better description)#so it's an elemental kind of magic#there are also the Spirit of Life and Death who are NOT to be trifled with#and the male protagonist was cursed centuries before the main events of the story in his frankenstein-like endeavor#i still have many rules & inner consistencies to refine tbh so i took many notes but it'#*it's#still all very nebulous in my mind#it's also a fairytale retelling and not your average fantasy book so i'm thinking (ideally) something more akin#to deathless/the bloody chamber in style/tone#than - idk - naomi novik's book#and of course i was inspired by robin mckinley's batb retelling as well#..... if it all sounds very random and lame it's because it is lmao#it's not particularly original methinks#but still. i finished chapter 2#and writing it is very important to me in these troubling times#it's basically sustaining and mentally supporting me#wip: darkness rises and light to meet it#val speaks#txt
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there is nothing sexier than waking up to the knowledge that someone is stealing my writing from 2017 🥰🥰 you like me. you really like me !!
#get you a friend that can recognize your 6 year old writing on sight#IM LAUGHINGGG#shoutout to my deathless shit you’re still relevant baby!
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Two more chapters left in Deathless I’d love to finish it by the end of the year
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Parings: Azriel x Reader
Word Count: 3k+
Triggers: character death, torture, blood, war
Summary: The fear that Helion envisioned had come true — the Death-God used your body to resurrect himself from the lake on the continent. But what no one had imagined, was that you would be alongside him — tainted in darkness matching the Death-God. What would the Inner Circle and Azriel do, to be bestowed your forgiveness for their acts against you? What will be the fate of Prythian with you guiding fates?
Note: The last part of “Pushed to the Edge”! I thank you so much for all the support for this requested series! Like I said, never thought people would want a continuation of that one-shot! I had so much fun writing this trilogy, and had so much fun watching everyone’s reactions! Please enjoy! Also… I will be writing an epilogue for this series. AHEM. Just to wrap everything up in an angsty bow. Also, I am always willing to write more for Seer!Reader! Don’t be hesitant to ask!
Part One | Part Two | Epilogue
<Pushed to the Edge> Masterlist
The room was deathly chilled, the skies above clouding, blocking the bright sun that had ruled over Day Court. The powers of a God overtaking a High Lord’s. The two of you stood near the large balcony window, shadow and sin coating the two of you — a God and a Seer — a powerful duo shaking the very foundations of Prythian.
Kosechi’s sinister grin grew wider as he turned his heels, walking towards the dias, you follow his tail. You felt the shimmer of wards opening and the winnowing of guards, the Dawn Court’s Peregryn surrounding the edges of the throne room — all ready to attack if the Death-God lifted the wrong finger against the High Lords.
But little did they know, you were a guard dog, ready to attack anyone that would be a threat to the God — ruthless and unforgiving.
Both of you rounded the last quarter of the table, stepping up to the dias as the Deathless God took a seat on the High Lord’s seat, as you stood near him — a vision of a High Lord and his High Lady of the Darkness.
You felt it though… The stares from the Inner Circle. They did not care for the Death God that casually sitting on the throne. They only looked at you, disbelief in their features but you could see something underneath that — the look of longing and regret.
You wanted to sneer, you wanted to show any hint of disgust at the look on their features — how dare they. After everything they have done to you.
Kosechi looked at the Inner Circle, before glancing at you from the corner of his eye and he snicked under his breath.
“How unfortunate, High Lord of the Night. To have lost your beloved Seer to me…” he pointed out, casually resting head tilting on bony hands as he looked at Rhysand, grin still evident on his features. “Did you know… how the High Lord of Day had hidden her from my followers since she was young … protected her within the wards of Day Court. I’ve been waiting… Waiting for her to fall to me, and you and her mate had made that happen.”
He leaned forward, pressing his hands onto his thighs as the grin widened, sharpened teeth glistening in the light.
“She was beautiful… when my followers found her bleeding body. It took a lot of power to seize her, your shadows protecting her…” Blackened eyes staring at Azriel, “But it was a well-worthy fight. Her light was dimming, leaving an empty echo and so I filled it. Filled it with darkness, it was so exquisite, watching her light dull…”
The Death-God caught your eye and tilted his head.
You had looked at him, charcoal hues staring before you bowed your head, silently thanking him as you felt the weave of shadow up your arms, ghosting over your skin — ensuring you were safe and well protected from any danger, even from Koschei himself.
Azriel watched, those tendrils of shadow wound around you, hearing the purr of devotion to you:
“We serve,
“We protect…
“We find, we hide…
“We cherish the light…”
After your death and after the disappearance of your body, Azriel could never summon the shadows again; they did not flock to him, they did not sing to him, not ever since then — and he realized why.
He realized that despite his infatuation with the middle Archeron sister, his shadows knew exactly what he had wanted, where he should have stayed next to. His shadows were attracted to your light, like flies to fire.
And they still clung to you, even now, and would never let you go.
He tried, fisting his hand as if trying to summon his shadows back to him; however, he could hear them hiss at him:
“You failed, you lost…
“You are not worthy of her light…
“We will not sing for you, only for her…”
Your eyes snapped at him as if feeling the attempt to strip you of the shadows. Your eyes met and you just stared, much like he did to you — all those months ago. That very stare, as if reaching into the depths of his soul, causing him to stumble backward, hands bracing the table behind him — the echo of the broken mating bond aching in his chest; something he will never get used to.
“And so,” Kosechi ended*, “I would like to give my savior a gift… one that I had promised her when I had resurrected her from her unfortunate death,” Koschei cheerfully said, straightening up in his seat, “Blood… of all of Pyrthian, starting with her beloved Night Court.” He raised a hand, darkness flowing out of him.
The Peregryn saw that to be a moment of attack and charged for the Death-God, only to be killed, swiftly and silently by you.
No one had seen it, your movement from the dias to the edges of the room, as if you used the shadows to winnow from one end to the other, though impossible. You stood, surrounded by lifeless bodies of those guards, dull eyes staring at the dead, in your hand a familiar dagger — Truth-Teller, dripping in blood.
Helion, Rhysand, and the rest of the Inner Circle watched, trying to hold back the bile that was rising in their throats at the site of you.
This wasn’t you.
You were someone who would never hurt anyone.
You hated seeing war, hated seeing bloodshed — saw it too often in your visions.
And it had been your duty to ensure, with your sight, to prevent it.
And yet, now, you were the one wreaking havoc on Pyrthian.
In that instant, they knew, they had lost you, completely, to the shadows and darkness that they had drowned you in — in the darkness that the Death God had filled you up with. They had failed you, completely and they weren’t sure… if they would ever get you back.
Feyre looked at you, and took a step forward, only to have her held back by Rhysand — a feeble attempt to protect his mate, “(Y/N) …” she called out your name, as if a way to break you out of this trance, to call you back to them, “What has he done to you? We apologize for not listening to you, and for not seeing you. Please, come back home… We’ll make it up to you, we’ll do anything to bring you back… please…”
You snapped your head towards her, charcoal eyes staring at your former High Lady, a mixed look of longing and hatred towards her way. Tears swam beneath your eyes, forcing them back, “You can’t apologize now…” you seethed, “You can’t tell me that you want me back — when all you did for months was ignore me,” your voice was shaking, that small part of you, that old light you had broken through, “And home? When has that been my home for the past few months? I was alienated, thrown away, cast aside, and yet you want me to go back? For what? For you to do the same again?”
Tears broke, as they ran down your cheeks, “He has done nothing to me… You all have forced your hand to make it this way. I have asked you multiple times to listen to me… I begged all of you to listen, but here we are now…” Pained hues stared at your family, “You have doomed us all to Pyrthian’s destruction.”
That old part of you, the one that had died when you had taken your life, the one that disappeared when Kosechi revived you, cried out — cried out for the loss of your light, loss of your innocence, loss of your own life; cried for the circumstances that fell into place. That old part of you drowned in the darkness that your mate and family had subjected you to. Leaving you seeping in the darkness that the Death-God soaked you in.
And you were losing yourself in that darkness.
You never meant it, you never meant to resurrect the Death-God, you didn’t want to.
You never meant to be the cause of Prythian’s doom.
But fate… seemed to be laughing in your face.
Azriel watched the confrontation between you and his High Lady, but he couldn't glance her way, all his attention on you. He watched as you held Truth-Teller in your hand, watched as his shadows wrapped around your hand that held that dagger as if to steady it in your hand, holding back the quiver that shook your body.
He could see it, that bit of light, that piece of you that he loved so dearly — he hoped to reach out to it… to bring you back home, to bring you back to him.
He took a step forward, passing his High Lady, a hand reaching out towards you.
Your head snapped at him, glaring at him as the hot streams of tears never ended.
It was as if the whole world stilled, just the two of you in that room.
“(Y/N) …” he whispered; your name was a prayer on his lips.
Much like his was yours, for so many centuries.
He stood in front of you, a hand shakily reaching up to try to touch you, to hold you again — to apologize for his mistakes, to beg for you to come back. Azriel let scarred fingers touch your cheeks, wiping the tears that stained your cheeks. Your skin was cold, ice cold. No warmth, nothing that echoed you. But he held on, cupping your cheek and holding you near him.
You bit your lip, trembling, fighting back all the urge to lean into his warmth — to fall back in love with the Shadowsinger.
“I’m sorry… I am sorry. I will beg for the rest of my life for your forgiveness. To kiss the very ground you walk on, follow the shadows to the darkness of your soul. I will be your blade, slicing your enemies for you so that your soul doesn’t darken anymore…”
Azriel’s hand slipped down your face, caressing cold skin as it trailed down your arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake before grasping around your hand that held Truth-Teller. The burn of a bargain tattoo searing onto both of your skin.
He flinched slightly but kept his hazel eyes on you, his hand gripping tightly onto yours. He felt your every shiver against his hold, he felt those tendrils of shadow wrap around his hand — hissing at the completeness of the two mates.
A sob escaped you, your bottom lip shaking as you looked at those hazel eyes you adored. His words soothed the ache in your chest; it was all you had wanted to hear… all those months ago.
But you couldn’t… you couldn’t let yourself forgive him.
You wrenched your hand away from him, as your other hand reached up, mirroring him, pressing the palm of your hand to his cheek, “We had everything, Az…” your voice was hauntingly beautiful, mesmerizing, lyrical, broken, “A family that loved us, a family that we cared for… Yet you were willing to throw it away for a few moments of passion, gallivanting with Elain… You had chosen her over me…” Dark eyes looked at the Made-Fae who stared at both of you with wide brown hues.
You stared back at Azriel, who looked at you as if you were the whole night sky, “…You, Azriel, have broken me, entirely and fully. You will beg for eternity for my forgiveness… We will see to what lengths you will go through… for me…”
You brought his face close to yours, your scent of fresh soft florals — jasmine and sage, overtaking Azriel’s senses. Your lips hovering over his own, “I will show you, my love, on how much you have broken me…”
And with your other hand, you flung Truth-Teller across the room, towards Elain, stabbing her right in her chest. A scream echoed, before your shadows flooded, blanketing the room in darkness, Koschei’s maniacal laughter ringing through the dark.
Azriel had lost track of how long he had been trapped within his cell, with no remembrance of how he got there. The wards that surrounded his cell were unbreakable, one of strong, ancient magic weaving through its walls. He had tried, multiple times to break it. However, difficult; his siphons were taken away and his wings were battered. His strength only depleted day after day, with every attempt to get out. He yelled and screamed, only to be met with silence every single time — he lost all will after that.
So he sat, in that cold, dark cell, watching the sun through the small crack in the rock as his only light source.
He had no idea what was going on in the outside world — in Pyrthian.
He heard, though, through the cracks in the rocks.
He heard the whispers of Koschei’s magic and powers seeping through Pyrthian. The destruction of the world was quick and simple. The God’s power was no match for the Fae that lived, the Fae that had fought against him. He had realized that he and his family had caused this plight to fall upon Prythian.
And that you were right next to the Death-God, using those arrows made of shadow and darkness to rain havoc on both fae and humans alike. Sparing no one in its terrible wake, but…
He had heard of the whispers that you had asked to spare the High Lords from the destruction.
All but the Inner Circle.
The first time you had come to see him was three days after being locked in that cell. The shadows still clung onto your body, whispering and seething at him.
You had tortured him, physically and mentally. Using Truth-Teller to inflict wounds on skin and whispering to him on destruction that wrecked Prythian — as if you were lovers laying in bed after lovemaking.
After hours of torture, shadows swarming towards him to heal those wounds, you had lifted the silencing ward, allowing him to call out to his family — for them to communicate to each other… to keep their sanity within those walls. A kind gesture, you had reminded him. For them to listen to each other — when they couldn’t do the same to you.
What he didn’t realize was that the silencing spell was a haven — it allowed Azriel not to listen to the screams of torture that befallen his family.
He could hear the yells of his High Lord, the call of Feyre to her family, the frantic screams of Nesta and Cassian calling for each other, and the whimpers of the still-alive Elain.
There were many times when he tried to reach out — call for them, let his voice be an anchor through the pain.
He had been the reason for this destruction.
But it wasn’t enough. Eventually, Azirel stopped reaching out; there was no point, there was no getting out of there.
It was like their own Prison, but it was of their own making.
The second time you had come to see him, you had pressed Truth-Teller into his hands, dark eyes locking into dulling hazel.
“I call upon your promise, Shadowsinger…” you had told him, the sting of the bargain tattoo on the back of his neck, the call of the use of the bargain, causing him to flinch, “The blade that will free my soul from the darkness. You promised you’d be it, right?”
And that’s what he had become.
A sword of blood — against all of Prythian.
All for you.
He wielded Truth-Teller against all Fae, beast, and humans alike.
He followed your command, not a single thought but listening to your voice as you whispered with the shadows on who to kill and whom to spare — much like a puppet on a string. Slowly breaking from the inside as he raised his hand against his home.
He had thought that you’d call on him often. As he promised, he didn’t want your hands to be stained more with blood, to have your soul darken more.
But you rarely had called him, only twice you had asked him to kill for you.
When the creak of his cell door opened, hazel eyes looked up from his position on the ground, watching you enter and closing the door behind you.
You tilted your head at him your hand reached out towards him, and Azriel shifted to his feet before kneeling in front of you — his bloodied hands grasping your own and pressing a kiss towards the top of your hand — a movement of devotion.
You leaned down, hovering over him as he looked up at you, “One last time… Azriel…” you whispered, your breath caressing his skin as you pressed Truth-Teller one last time into his hands, the two of you were winnowing out of his cell.
The two of you landed on familiar lands — Velaris — and in the distance the darkening cloud of Koschei’s followers and the Death-God himself, heading towards the City of Starlight.
Azriel watched as they slowly descended into the city, his body screaming to defend, to fight… to protect his home. But he waited for your command, on your word.
What he had not expected was for your shadows to cover his eyes, cover his ears, and slither around his hand that held Truth-Teller. His senses were blocked by darkness, and he couldn’t help the panic that zipped through his body.
This wasn’t like before — you never used your shadows like this.
He knew it was torture for him, to watch himself raise his hand and blade against Prythian — it was the reason why you forced him to fight — to see watch Prythian burn in his wake.
He was confused and it showed in his features.
He felt your hand on his upper arm, through the Illryian leathers that seemed to stick to his skin. He felt your body close to his own as you whispered in his ear, “Let the shadows guide you, Shadowsinger… Let them help you kill on my command…”
Azriel felt his throat bob and allowed the shadows to guide his feet, swarming around him and allowing them to whisper to him again.
He tore against leather and skin, smelt blood that splattered onto his face, and heard the muffled screams and cries of whoever he cut down. He didn’t know who he was killing, nor did he want to. He didn’t want to see the lifeless bodies of those who lived in his home, he had passed by on the streets.
He didn’t want to see the lives of the Velarians he just had taken.
The shadows continued to whisper to him — where to turn, when to strike, when to kill — relying on them as he did once before. He and the shadows were working in tandem, following your commands.
As he walked through the streets of Velaris, he felt the world calm — the screams stopped, the smell of blood fading through the whisps of wind — as if time stopped around him.
He allowed the shadows to lead him, stepping over fallen bodies, and debris. Azriel didn’t know where he was being taken and he didn’t want to know where if it meant more bloodshed on his people.
Footsteps grew closer, and a chilling shiver ran down the Spymaster’s spine, ears picking up on the slightest sound from the direction of the footsteps, Truth-Teller armed against whoever might attack him.
“…Strike in the void in the chest…”
He let the shadow lift his arm, as he lunged forward, Truth-Teller gleaming in the light as he broke through skin, striking at the place where the shadows whispered to hit.
A familiar gasp reached his ears, and the body collapsed against him; his arms naturally wrapping around.
The shadows slithered away from his body and Azriel blinked, focusing his eyes on the figure in front of him.
In his arms, at the end of Truth-Teller was you — he had stabbed you.
“(Y/N) … What…?” his breath came out shaky, as he collapsed with you in his arms, his hand releasing its hold on Truth-Teller as it remained embedded in you, in your chest, right where the void seemed to be swirling around the dagger.
He looked around him, noticing that it wasn’t the bodies of his city that lay on the ground but of Kosechi’s army — you had commanded him to kill Kosechi’s followers.
Before he could breathe out something else, a yell echoed through the skies of Velaris. Azriel whipped his head toward the sound, and he watched Kosechi’s body strike the ground, cracks on the earth as he stalked towards Azriel — the same gaping void in his chest mirroring your own.
Charcoal eyes of the Death-God shifted from the Spymaster’s to your own, as your life was slowly leaving your body and he let out a broken laugh, “Seems that your Seer has planned this… since I had resurrected her. Our connection...” another laugh, one of disbelief, "...was our downfall..."
Eyes moved again to Azriel, “You all never deserved her…”
Azriel watched as Kosechi’s body was swallowed by the void, leaving nothing but whisps of air in his waking — the Deathless God, dead.
Not even a second later, he was focusing on your body, watching the shadows wrap around Truth-Teller, as if trying to stop death from taking your body.
“No….No!” he screamed, as he shifted you in his arms, pressing a hand against your cheek and his forehead resting against your head, “You can’t do this, (Y/N)…” as he tried to catch your eyes, hazel eyes in panic mode.
Azriel didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to think. All he could think was that he was losing you all over again — and this time permanently.
He felt tears streaking down his features, watching them fall onto your face, “What did you do, my love? Why did you do this?” he whispered against your skin.
He felt you chuckle, one so broken and shallow and he watched you look up at him, your colored hues staring up at him — one devoid of the darkness that had swallowed you up.
“I had always loved you, Azriel…” you mumbled, “… Loved you with my whole being… for centuries I had been devoted to you…”
A cough escaped your lips, dark as night blood dripping down the edge, “You will, for eternity, regret and mourn… You will be as broken as I was when you betrayed me…”
He leaned against the hand that you had lifted to rest against his cheek, your blackened blood streaking against his skin.
“You will never forget what you had pushed me to do… To save Prythian…”
With one last breath, your hand fell limp against your chest, your eyes dimming as the last of your light finally diminished. The shadows went wild against your body, their cries ringing in Azriel’s ears as he shook, he brought your body close to his.
A roar echoed through the skies of Valeris — one full of anguish and regret.
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#acotar fanfiction#acotar fic#acotar x reader#a court of thorns and roses#acotar angst#azriel x reader#( .one shot : pushed to the edge )#azriel angst
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