#my wish for last year was to draw more and i think i did like... 1 singular digital art piece and 2 traditional
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just ordered a new drawing tablet. prayer circle that i actually use it instead of letting my overthinking get in the way.
#my wish for last year was to draw more and i think i did like... 1 singular digital art piece and 2 traditional#so much for that#text: personal#tbd
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"Broken", Not Stupid - 15: You're Pretty...
Pairing: alpha!Simon "Ghost" Riley x unusual omega!OC (13)
CW: Omegaverse; dehumanization
Author's Note: One more bit of soft before we get into the first part of 13 sharing her last fourteen years of existence with 141 <3 also some silly, 141 group chat things! :D
<Ghost: I need you all at my place tomorrow. 10 am, no sooner. I'll make lunch and dinner. Nobody is crashing here, though.
>Cap: Everything alright?
>Gaz: It's not like you to not plan these things ahead. Are you ok?
>Soap: Is the lass alright?
<Ghost: I'm hoping to make everything alright. She said something tonight and it'll take all of us to get to the bottom of Salvation's bullshit. All of 141 and every resource we have, I think. But I want you all to hear her 'experience', as she calls it, with me.
>Cap: I assume you mean 13? Is she alright?
>Soap: IS SHE OK???
<Ghost: She's fine, Johnny. She agreed to sitting down with us all tomorrow, but this is going to take a while to get through. It's going to take more than one day of us sitting to listen.
Simon sighs softly as the notification of Johnny starting a group call pops up on his phone. He quickly declines the call and begins texting again. Only one handed this time as his right hand falls to gently storke 13's head. His fingers comb through her short, unruly hair slowly.
<Ghost: She's fine, Johnny. She's asleep on my lap right now.
>Gaz: Wait... on your lap?
>Cap: Unusual for you to be so causal about touch, Simon.
>Soap: ASELDKGFJLWIU
>Soap: YOU'RE CUDDLING?!
<Ghost: Would you three focus? This is important.
>Soap: Cuz you just adore her so much already?
>Soap: I saw the way you kept looking at her yesterday~ and watched you move between her and every potential 'threat'~
>Gaz: LOL can't wait to meet the woman who softened the big, bad Ghost up so quickly.
<Ghost: ... Anyway. I need all three of you here tomorrow at 10 am. No sooner than that, Johnny. We also need a way to record the conversation so we can take it to Laswell.
>Cap: I'll get something to record with. Kyle, Johnny, behave. Simon, get back to caring for her. Sounds like she needs it.
With that out of the way, Simon locks his phone and sets it on the sidetable to his left. His eyes stay on 13's face, though, as his right hand continues moving through her hair.
"Wish I could say they were wrong," he mumbles.
13 shifts, rolling so her back is to the TV.
"The hell did they do to you, sweetheart? None of what you've told me so far is safe or healthy. Yet... you act like it's an average day," Simon whispers to 13's sleeping face.
Selene stands, stretching, once 13 settles again. Then the cat walks over to sit on Simon's other knee and stares at him.
"You're getting awfully comfortable, miss," he says to the cat. She blinks in response then Simon sighs and reaches up to remove the black surgical mask. "Better?"
Selene immediately starts purring and lays down on Simon's thigh, loafing happily there.
"Guess this is my life now, huh? Two independent women living side-by-side with me. Can't wait to see where this goes," he chuckles quietly.
13 mumbles in her sleep, drawing Simon's attention again. Her eyes open slowly to find him looking down... entirely without his mask. She hums as her eyes close again and she slides closer to him.
"Didn't know you'd be that pretty," she mumbles into his side before snoring softly.
Simon's shoulder relax slightly at her sleepy comment, but he shoots Selene a half-hearted glare.
"This is your fault. She was not supposed to see me any time soon," he whispers the reprimand to the cat. However, Selene seems entirely unbothered by the blame and simply closes her eyes.
With any luck, Simon thinks, she won't remember tomorrow.
I hope...
Masterlist | CoD Masterlist | Part One
Tag List: @lucienofthelakes @lostintransist @demothers-empty-blog @scaredyspooks @tessakate @one-really-annoying-tree-rat @nerdyphantomtheorist @gazsluckyhat @peanutismynickname @jeanzoriley-cod
#backseat soldier#rhi_writing_adventures#call of duty#cod#original character#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#ghost x oc#simon riley x oc#simon ghost riley x oc#cod omegaverse#omegaverse#don't drink the kool aid#it was actually flavoraide but that's not the point
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🩷💛💚💜
#emu gets 2 birthday arts becaus ei Lauv her.#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#wxs#Youcan tell when i pist at 1am bc i cant think of a caption. WAUUUUUUUGH I NEVER FINISH DRAWINGS IN TIME FOR BIRTHDAYYYYS#ignore the other one i did. that was a group thing. so it was eaiser. also it was like a redraw of last years#sorry 4 drawing this for hours after class instead of my assignment i have to hand in at 2pm tomorrowww in my defence its mostly doneee#I GOT HER BIRTHDAY CARD ON MY FIRST 10 PULL. ANNIVERSARY SET BE NICE TO ME. NENE LIM BE NCIE TO ME.#kind of mad as hell bc i like how the unrendered version of this looks MORE i overrender things snd i dont likeeee it#Falls flat on my face and eats concrete. whatever. THE NEW CARDS ARE CUTE haruka clocking in at her fulltime ikemen job#i wish her outfit was a bit more interesting like streetwear esque or smth.. i love her csrd but the outfit is like#the same as 100 other prepass outfits. i like the direction the flyer cards went in. kohanes outfit in that is cute and unique but simple.#Krsekai gets all of the cool outfuts jpsekai keeps implementing the same skirt + sweater combo and suit. Come on#I LOVE THE RECENT KRSEKAI PREPASS IUTFITS OK. NENE LOOKS LIKE S LITTLE GNOME. IM OBSESSED. I NEED TO DRAW THEM#i need to draw other things though. Sorry.
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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maybe link should consider that I filled my inventory with salted milky smoothies right before the fight and spent all that time leveling up the sword and energy gauges tho ...🥲
#when tri said give him the sword back i was like NO!!!! IM GOING TO SHOVE HIM OFF THIS CLIFF TRI DONT TRI ME!!#ILL TURN THIS FROM ECHOES OF WISDOM TO ECHOES OF WIDOW REAL FAST (ZELDA WILL BE A WIDOW)#i think post game should have a mode where u can refight the bosses and get them as echoes at least if ur not allowed to use swordfighter#in the last fight...like...give me SOMETHING here#eow spoilers#echoes of wisdom spoilers#echoes of wisdom#loz eow spoilers#loz eow#zelda#link#princess zelda#eow#loz#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#fanart#ms paint#doodle#comics#truly the quickest lil doodle comic of my life but i know from complaining abt this on my main other ppl got miffed abt this too!!#that being said its still my fav game in recent years i ADORE THIS game dont take this as like serious hate lol#i get WHY they did this. i get it! but Still wasnt what /i personally/ wanted so i will gripe abt my Opinions#im queueing this to come out (1) week after i draw it so maybe everyone is done by now but if not . sry for the spoilers. i tagged every#possible blacklistable term i could think of </3#&yes I know why they did it thematically etc no one needs to Um Actually 🤓☝️ me this is my opinion 🧍🏻 pls just scroll if u disagree this is#silly hehe 10 min comic not. a serious real thing. u know??#I love link and I am glad we got to do stuff with him at the end I wish it would’ve just been more of the split room puzzles together and#we both got to fight also .
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Bam bing bong, summary of my doodles in 2024
#what a year#ive never compiled it neatly before#i was gonna wait it out cuz i havent finish my Christmas pieces yet but im also like ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck it so yeah hehe#this year I’ve expanded my socials to bluesky and instagram#I’ve always did two collabs this year which is still wild to me (im planning to do more next year hopefully)#(if my social anxiety can just get over it)#in tappy’s voice: gomz no balls#i also need to do more color piece#launching ☕️ this year has helped to do that#to do at least one colored piece each month#i have a video of me going thru my doodles from January to December in the works but i think i might not able to finish it on time#we’ll see#still gotto tackle the last few ☕️ requests after con#this year I’ve drawn a lot more Price!! that’s why he’s the main character this year#i would put Raven but she’s always a main so#im really happy to have found a nice chibi style and stick with it#consistency is always a struggle for me esp with my non chibi style#some of what i drew this year was awful HDJSHSHS but its nice seeing progress#December suit Price is my proudest non-chibi work and I wish to continue that style next year#moving forward I want to continue to improve and do better but also take it easy#burnt myself out too many times this year due to drawing nearly every day + stress + uni#stress management plan is needed but i SUCK at it#me as a pharmacy student counselling patients [it is important to try to relax and manage stress properly]#what a joke JDJDHDHHD#at least my blood pressure readings stabilized finally on gawd it was on the borders for a few months#it’s been a fun year and I’ve made a lot of new friends too#drabbled in a few fandom and community here and there#thank you for having me everyone :)#gummmyart#art summary 2024
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Posting this pre-emptively since I might doodle in the meantime- Happy new years eve y'all!
And my shenanigans? The ones I mentioned? Got my hair dyed! N is going to need a new upgrade in her aesthetic in the coming year and I'm going to enjoy my new vibes <3
#spot!drawn#my art#utmv oc#ichor#ichor sans#N#oc#persona#I wanted to draw these two this year because last year I did a Lot of ocs in one big sketch#but this feels more fitting to 'reconnect' in a way with an old character who I've been coming back to again + again#just.... yeag#also for the sillies?#I walked into that place with low expectations (the other dye I did before. silver. used to be too subtle against my natural colors)#but my stylist was so excited to be doing my color and she was willing to do more than I had expected and so!!#it's bright and bold and perfect!#first time in my life I actually have color in my hair... woah....#+ it helps that i didn't have a parent hovering over my shoulder this time around lmao-#but yeah!!! yippeee!!!!#parents were startled by how much color I had gotten done but it's manageable- however I forgot I#am seeing my bro later and I have NO clue what his opinion will be soooo wish me luck lmao#anyways it's not rainbow. but it's bright and I'm happy!!#last note: I'm goofy af. put blue+purple into N's design claiming I'm not a huge fan of those colors#like hell I'm not! they're on my head now!!#I think I tricked myself into liking them haha-#this does mean I have to change her pants on the human design I think because. they do not look that great lmao-
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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#my art#leech art#literally needed to get this out of my fucking brain its been plauging me for a year and a half#literally the first time i saw bandu when i got into dnb i was like ohh hes so cute why does he look familiar#and then the 9yr old autism in my head fucking snapped last moment like oh i know#do you think theyd be friends i feel like theyd be the bestest of friends#i needed to sate my brain on drawing this cos i did wanna turn the little shape people into frogs so my brain would leave me alone but idk#i cant even think right now i see the frog eyed smile expression amd my brain explodes back to keroro i love keroro i wish i could draw more#of sgt frog stuff despite me needing peer approval 12983092903409 years#wow i mnever write this much in tags but im embarrassed idk#whoever sees this im so sorry im so normal about alien frogs and shape people
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Happy new year from me and my beastie 🎉
#wishing you all a safe and happy 2024.#i know everything is kinda... horrible forever but we all gotta persevere okay? lets do our best to find joy in the little things.#last year was. okay for me i think#like. i really didn't get up to much but i enjoyed myself immensely#and i did a few little hobby things i've wanted to for ages. made an itabag that was awesome#got a pin press. did some embroidery. did some painting. started collecting everything i need for my bjd#next year... i want to get into sewing doll clothes (both for my bjd and for plushies) and knitting (i'd like to make my own leg warmers)#it'd be nice to do more painting to. like traditional stuff. it's gonna be so bad but its fun so i keep trying#hobby stuff aside i'd like to attend 1 (one) convention. it's scary and expensive but... ahh i really really want to#we'll see if i can budget it in -w-)#i don't think i have any particular resolutions... ah wait. gonna draw AT LEAST 1 thing a month#was diseased or something last October and fell into a slump. not this year. 2024 is MY year. for art at least#i've lost the plot with the tags because i'm typing it between reading subtitles but you get the idea. i lived. you lived. we'll be fine#WAIT!!! i forgot the cats. wah.#the cats are hands down THE best thing that happened to me last year I love them.#Haru and Christopher (pictured above) are my brightest light in this cold dark world they make me so so happy every day#snow blogging
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Traffic is bad 😭 Give me more time to mentally prepare myself to see my grandma and my aunt though 🤪
#i should have shut up it’s not block anymore fksbkdns#but it’s still an hour away#it may be the last time we see Puppy’s mother though that’s good bittersweet but good#i was afraid she would leave us before I could see her again :(#my grandma says she look a bit sick but at the same time she’s will be 16yo on January 7th it’s normal she’s not 100% healthy :(#I’m still going to complain#i wish my dad understood how blind he is and how unwelcome we are there ?????#and how bad they prefer my brother over me 😭#i don’t care anymore but it’s still the truth#the other year after covid (well after quarantine cause covid still exist) was okay cause I just had to ignore my aunt#(she was horrible to me one year cause she hates me a big fight happen)#but last time I saw my grandma she also said something mean to me 😐#it was more about what I did (cuddle to me mom yes your read that write just that) she call me a baby and say she thinks it’s disgusting#when people cuddle ??????? so yeah I haven’t seen her since cause wtf was that I already fell like she dosen’t like me THAT MUCH#she like me but not more than that I think#anyway!#tonight will be awkward but like usual I’ll be in my little corner with my Mom distracting myself drawing or playing#or hang out with my 13 and 9yo cousins#THEY like me especially the youngest I think well mostly cause the other is a teen you know teens bcksbzjdb#i don’t usually hang out with my brother but I will if I need to ckdbdjjd#wish me luck 😭#it’s dark so I’ll make a Christmas message later and give you a pic of Puppy as a gift 🫶#alex.txt
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christmas wish list hack: roommate's mom likes to give us gifts and she loves cats. my strat? put a cat shaped heat pack sewing pattern i've been wanting on my wish list. guaranteed that i will receive that if nothing else
#spiced#i tend to ask for really practical shit the rest of my wish list is like#more sashiko thread (colors i don't have yet) a pair of earrings that'll go with like most of my wardrobe#a hanfu belt that'll also go with a lot of my outfits#and a cat sticker lol#for stocking stuffers i asked for embroidery thread and clove gum LMAO#honestly even though i'm particular it doesn't super take a lot material-wise to make me happy#at the very least this year should be better than the last since roomie's brother did the shopping last year#and even tho he asked for lists he got nothing even close to what was requested so it's like ...why?#i'm not mad really but i think it's really frustrating that he says he's great at gift giving and then that's how he operates#like where are you drawing that conclusion from?
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Creator Spotlight: @themetalhiro
Hi, I’m Metal! I’m a freelance artist from good ol’ New Jersey. My favorite things to work with are a lot of bright colors, exaggerated poses, and candid scenarios. I try to farm sensible chuckles whenever I can, so I’m also big into comics. I love making them about my life, and the media I’m into, and one day I’d like to publish my own series! Thank you to everyone who has gotten me this far!!
Check out Metal's interview below!
Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?
I guess so! It’s funny, I don’t remember a single time in my life that I wasn’t drawing as a hobby… somewhere in middle school (a little late, I know.) I put the pieces together that animated movies were made by artists, and that it wasn’t just for fun, they were paid to do it. The moment I discovered people could be paid to make art, I decided I would do that, too. Now I’m here!
How has your style developed over the years?
I think the best way to answer this would be with an example! Over the last few years, I have made more of an effort to draw more intentionally, which sounds silly. Now, I put more thought into my poses and step out of my comfort zone with shape language and composition. I had a phase where I drew everyone with a huge, perfectly circular head and no nose. That definitely did not lend much variety...
Which 3 famous artists (dead or alive) would you invite to your dinner party?
Ack! I’m so terrible at history! I’d love to give a well-thought-out answer about fine artists of old, but I don't think we’d have much in common… Most artists I admire and who have driven me forward creatively are the people behind comics I’ve read. Andrew Hussie, Bryan Lee O’Malley, Eiichiro Oda... these guys have inspired me greatly and had a heavy influence in developing my art style and sense of humor. I’d love to ask them questions about their processes and upcoming projects. I think it would make for an entertaining night!
Over the years as an artist, what were your biggest inspirations behind your creativity?
Outside of pure aesthetics like searing bright colors, layered clothing, and loud noises…. the best and most inspiring moments in my life were those surrounded by friends and loved ones! I cherish the hell out of memories of hanging around in fun locations, trying weird food together, and impromptu midnight walks... so I try my best to capture that atmosphere and my own memories in my work when I can, even if I’m imposing fictional characters on top of them. That’s always the core of it.
What is a medium that you have always been intrigued by but would never use yourself?
I would never permanently refuse a medium, but every time I pick up clay, I’m like a baby using its hands for the first time. Absolutely dreadful. If one day I could make and paint a figurine like the ones I admire in videos, that would be awesome... But for now, I’m not counting on it.
How do you want to evolve as a creator?
I’ve had an absolute blast drawing fanart over the years, and it’s certainly played a massive role in my growth as an artist. But my dream has always been to publish my own stories for y'all to enjoy! I have lots of worlds I want to introduce to you before I’m old and gray. I want to get faster, work harder, and get better at drawing interesting settings so I can get the wheels turning as soon as possible. I also want to stop avoiding the color blue like a coward.
What do you wish you knew when you first started out creating art that you know now?
Pay your taxes quarterly. Tablets will break at the exact moment you need them most, so have a spare. Wear your blue light glasses. You’re going to need to wear a brace on every joint on the right side of your body. It can be lonely sitting at your desk all day. The car on the side of the road that costs $1000 cash….. don’t trust it!!!
Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?
@cranity—They use absolutely beautiful colors and weighty line work. Everything looks so sharp and clean! I wanna put it all up on my wall!
@vewn—Their ability to crank out quality short films and illustrations packed with detail is incredible. The off-kilter perspective they use really sells disorientation and catches your attention like nothing else.
@nelnal—They have absolutely banger character designs again and again, I can’t believe one person’s mind can come up with so many creative ideas!
@jinx88kc—They have a beautiful and recognizable style, and the way they incorporate animation into their illustrations sometimes is SO cool!
Thanks for stopping by, Metal! For more of Metal’s work, follow their Tumblr, @themetalhiro! If you haven't seen their Meet the Artist piece, be sure to check it out here!
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Do You Miss Us?
Five Hargreeves x F!Reader - angst with a happy ending (yeah… happy ish ending)
synopsis: when you find out Five and Lila kissed, you don’t know what to feel. All you know is that you need to get away. Because it was one thing for them to kiss, and another to realize that in the time spent apart, Five Hargreeves may not love you anymore.
content/warnings: hints of anxiety, curse words, cheating, s4 spoilers, mentions of disassociation, morally grey characters, not lore accurate, not really canon, doesn’t focus on the plot moreso reader & fives relationship, lmk if i forgot anything
“Y/n, please,”
you continue walking, wiping away the incessant tears that stream down your face. you feel nauseas, and your chest hurts in a way that it pains you to breathe.
he catches your wrist in his hand, and you turn around, angered. “What? What could you possibly say that would make this better, Five?”
he looks distraught, if not more than you and the thought has your hands shaking in fury. for what reason did he have to be so upset? you weren’t the one who disappeared for a few hours - which ended up being seven years - and then kissed another person.
“I fucked up, I didn’t… You don’t understand, I was losing my mind.” he slips his hand from your wrist to intertwine your fingers, but you shake his grip off in disgust. he looks at you so brokenly at the action, you almost feel bad.
but then you remember her, and you feel the bile rise to your throat once more. “I don’t understand?” you say slowly, taking a step forward.
you point at him, “I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand. I knew some shit was going on between you two, with your secrets and odd glances. But I trusted you, Five. You know why?”
he looks at you with wide eyes, seeming almost unsettled by your outburst. “Because I loved you.” you whisper.
you huff out a laugh, shaking your head as you wipe the remnants of your tears. “But that didn’t matter in the end. You were alone with her for seven years, so it makes sense. I wish you nothing but happiness, Five. Even if it’s away from me.”
you turn, moving to walk again, but he crashes into you from behind and wraps his arms around you. “Please,” his hands are trembling where they rest on your stomach, and although you want to soothe him, you don’t think you are in the place to at the moment.
you take a shaky deep breath, before carefully untangling his hands from your torso. he whimpers pitifully at the action, and you have to stop yourself from giving in and drawing him closer.
you used to bring him comfort, give him love and make him feel safe; but it seemed it was not enough; because in the end he chose someone else.
you turn back around, “I need some time alone right now, Five.” you tug at your bottom lip with your teeth, ripping the skin. you don’t want to look at his face, so you choose to stare at the chipped paint on the wall.
Five lifts his hand for a moment, before dropping it. “Will you come back?” his voice has never sounded so childlike; as though he can’t bear the thought of you leaving and never coming back.
you swallow harshly, “I’ll come back.”
he nods, his own arms wrapping around himself.
“I just don’t know if it will be for you.”
you take a chance and glance at his face, hating the way your heart hurts when his expression crumples.
back in the room, you were so sure he was in love with Lila, but now you’re starting to doubt yourself. because if he truly felt something for her, would he really be crying in front of you right now?
you don’t know. you also don’t feel like you have it in you to make any assumptions.
you turn around, your back facing Five. “I’ll see you later. Don’t follow me.”
and with that, you walk out of Five’s life, unknowingly carrying his heart with you.
-
Five lays in a bed - not his, for years it’s never been his - and recounts the last seven years.
he remembers missing you immensely in the beginning. for the first three years, you were all he could think about.
and then his friendship with Lila began to grow. the time he wished to spend with you, he was now spending with her. it was odd at first, because the two were not close friends of any sort. but when you’re trapped in a different time-line, or different universe, you become allies with those you normally wouldn’t.
somewhere along the way, they had provided one another with the comfort they lacked from their significant others.
it wasn’t supposed to end up that way. it wasn’t.
but now Five can’t get the way you looked at him out of his head; it was like he physically shot you in the chest, or told you he didn’t love you. like he betrayed you.
he grasps at his own chest, curling up into a ball beneath the covers. he feels like he’s going to die.
and maybe that would be for the best. he’s lived a long, torturous life. with a nut-job for a father, siblings that were always thinking about themselves and a lover who he’d ruined everything with, what was the point of life anymore?
its been a month since Five had seen you, and the ache in his chest has yet to go away. he couldn’t find it in himself to eat, often laying in bed as Luther force-fed food down his throat in fear that he would truly pass away.
it’s just another late night, and Five takes the time to stare at the broken glass window as the sun begins to set. the only sound in the room comes from the clock, the constant ticks helping him disassociate and think about you.
he distantly hears the door creak open, but is too exhausted to look at who it is. he doesn’t really care anyway, because he knows it’s not going to be you.
“Five?”
he blinks slowly. it almost sounded like you, but he figured he was hearing things at this point.
“Five,” he feels a hand smooth over his shoulder. gentle in a way he’d only ever experienced with you. his head turns, if only slightly, and he catches sight of your concerned face.
his eyes widen, he forces himself to sit up even if his arms have little to no strength left. “What are you… what are you doing here?” he croaks.
you sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed. it’s far too away from Five, he wants to pull you in the bed and bring you into his arms.
“Should I leave?” you glance at the door for a second, but Five immediately grabs onto your hands and shouts, “No! No, please. Please stay.”
you look shocked at his outburst, nodding softly.
the silence in the room is deafening, but Five is merely happy you’re there. Seven years and then some apart from you was not easy, and after his last conversation with you, he knows he’ll feel unsettled until he makes it right. if he can make it right.
“I did some thinking.” you start, cautious.
Five watches you with fear, scared to hear your next words.
“I’m not angry anymore. I understand you went through a lot being trapped again, and I can’t blame you for falling in love with Lila since she was there for you. I do wish you broke it off with me before kissing her, but what’s done is done.”
your voice comes out stable, like you’ve thought it all through and are content to leave things as they are. but Five is shaking his head the moment you say the word love and Lila in the same sentence, because that could not be more far from the truth.
“Wait, please stop it,” he begs, seeming desperate.
“I understand why you might think that way, but I do not love Lila.” he feels lighter with the words being spoken. he’s been aching to clarify this the moment you found out they kissed, but hasn’t had the chance.
your brows furrow, and you pick at the cotton sleeve of your hoodie. “Um, I see.” you look so confused, he can’t help but move closer to you.
you look at him, body rigid. you don’t seem comfortable around him anymore, and the thought has him clutching his chest in pain.
“Y/n, I love you.”
you recoil immediately, and it prompts Five to reach out instinctively.
the words tumble out of his mouth, like he’s scared you’re going to run before he can finish getting everything out. “I haven’t stopped loving you, Lila and I.. when we, you know, it was a moment of weakness after losing you and being trapped again. I wished every day that I could see you, but I was stuck.”
you move to stand, and a part of Five’s heart breaks for what he thinks will be the last time ever. because if you walk out of this room, he knows he won’t be able to love again. you are it for him, and if he doesn’t have you, then he’d rather stay alone for the rest of his life.
“I’m sorry, I truly am. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore, but I need you to know that I love you.”
at the end of his little speech he breathes out, listening to his heart thump loudly in his ears.
it’s odd, he thinks. love has always been so painful, so destructive. but with you it was simple. it was calm, steady and soft. he wonders; he hopes, that he’ll be able to experience it again. after all, a healthy type of love was rare for his kind.
he watches you walk closer, reaching a hand out and placing it on his cheek. he leans into it, closing his eyes as he missed your touch immensely. you use the other hand to push his hair back, planting a kiss on his forehead.
his eyes shoot open at the feeling, and he stares at you in wonder. he begins to feel hope bubble in his chest.
“You love me?” you ask quietly.
he nods, “Only you. Only ever you.”
you exhale, shoulders drooping as you move to sit beside him. you wrap an arm around his waist and one on his neck, pulling him down as you lay on the small bed. his head falls to your neck, and he sneaks a small kiss in, hoping you won’t push him away.
“I can’t promise that i’ll forgive you completely. At least not right now. And I’ll probably hate Lila forever, but I don’t think I can walk away from you knowing you love me.”
you run a hand through his hair, feeling him nod into the space between your head and your shoulder. “I know, I completely understand.”
you pat his head gently, staring up at the ceiling.
“I love you too, Five. I don’t think I ever won’t.”
he rubs his face into your neck, and you feel something wet touch it. you card your fingers through his hair once more, cooing.
“Thank you,” his voice comes out shaky, but he hopes you hear the sincerity.
you shift the two of you until you’re underneath the covers, cradling him in your arms with his head on your chest. “Don’t thank me yet. I will be making out with Diego as revenge.”
Five lifts his head, “What?!”
sorry if this is ooc:>
#five hargreaves x reader#five hargreeves#five hargreaves x you#the umbrella academy#The Umbrella Academy x Reader#tua s4#tua season 4#tua spoilers#number five#five hargreaves
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'FOGGY STREETS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS'
(part 3/3)
I'm gonna infodump about the backstory of this comic, don't feel obligated to read it because it's not cotl related it's just personal stuff, I just want to be able to write about it somewhere cause I can't really talk to anyone about it.
As always, thanks for reading this far, sorry my stuff has been such a bummer so consistently. This comic goes out to all my "christmas induced depression" homies, I left my house maybe like ~5 times all month and it was NOT pleasant hearing "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!" on the radio when I'm so ready for it to be over. Gonna take it reaaaaal easy til the year ends, you guys take it easy too!! Got some asks I have to respond to when I'm more stable but probably no new comic pages til january
Alright uhhh so this part of the comic is pretty much taken directly from the last time I saw my great-grandma alive, a few days before christmas. She didn't remember me, but at the nursing home there was a piano, and I sat down and played some stuff because I didn't know what to say. I was really into lisa the painful rpg at the time, and I played that "I've got the joy" song that the villain sings without realizing it was an old christian campfire song. She didn't really say much or move that whole night, just kind of gave me a polite blank smile, but started singing the words when I played the notes to that song.
I kinda stopped in shock, my dad frantically asked me to keep playing, so I did. While the comic I made is way more sappy than the actual moment was, I wish I'd cherished the moment longer. I didn't know it was the last time I'd see her alive. Every family christmas was held at her house when she was around, so it's been weird the past few years. I actually lost another dementia-addled grandma to cancer on christmas eve in 2009, so the holiday was already kind of weird for me on top of everything else that makes me sad this time of year. That's what part 2 was about, I'll spare the details but I wrote leshy to act out how I felt back then. Why are we all sad? This is supposed to be a happy time, all the decorations are up and we're almost all here, so why is everyone smiling yet everything feels so wrong? I feel like since leshy's canonically the most ignorant one to things lurking below the surface, he'd be the one to try and make everyone feel better but not quite understand why everyone is so miserable. My first memory of having self injurious behavior came from then, hence why I had leshy pull his leaves off in the last comic. It was confusing and frustrating and I was just old enough to comprehend something was wrong, but not old enough to understand the depth of it, it DEFINITELY didn't help that nobody helped me back then so I made leshy's siblings actually come in clutch instead of grabbing him/yelling at him.
That night with the piano was something that's stuck with me the few years she's been gone, but I felt kind of strange when I asked my dad and my sister about it and neither of them remembered it. The room we were in was completely empty so nobody else witnessed it but us three. I myself have a history of head trauma and memory loss (plus, native americans are disproportionately more likely to develop dementia... lucky us) so if I ever forgot about that moment, there'd be nobody left to remember it. Sometimes when I do comics, it's my way of going "this happened at some point, and the only evidence it ever happened was me witnessing it, so if something happens to me I want the memory to stay alive in some form."
Anyway. The autistic urge to overshare, am I right? Idk what my religious ass great-grandma would think of me drawing demonic comics about my last memory of her, she'd probably think it's funny though cause she raised my dad whose interests have always been "death metal and devil worship". I'm not sure if anyone read this far, I just hope my dumb comics can convey the things I can't say with my voice and struggle to say through text. None of this was supposed to be "feel bad for me!! Woe is me!!", it was supposed to me more like...cathartic? Healing? I almost didn't post this comic because it felt kinda weird, but seeing people connect with it made it worth it imo. Thank you
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Flirts: Christmas
Mapi León x Ingrid Engen x Reader
Summary: Christmas in the Flirts Universe
"Hey, you," Mapi says," You're home early. I thought you were going to go see Patri."
You just stick your thumb up at her from your position face down on the sofa.
"Come on," Mapi laughs," Up you get. I want a cuddle."
You roll over, lifting your legs briefly to invite Mapi into the space.
"Not even a proper cuddle?" She jokes," Is that what I'm worth to you? Your legs?"
You groan dramatically as she pulls you up, arms wrapping around your body until her head is pillowed on your chest and your fingers are gently carding through her hair.
You don't want to admit it out loud but you need this hug too.
"When's Ingrid home?"
"She's still at that photoshoot," Mapi complains," Sometimes, I wish she wasn't so pretty so she's at home more with us. I don't need photographers trying to steal our girlfriend."
"Funny," You say," I'm sure she thinks the same about the girls that try to chat you up at the bar."
Mapi winks. "And those first time pet owners who just fall at your feet during check ups."
You roll your eyes in mirth. "Well, after the attack you two did to my neck last week, I'm sure all competition has been scared off."
Mapi grins, eyes narrowed as she stares at your neck. The hickeys have all faded now but she can still imagine exactly where they went on your skin - one of her and Ingrid's greatest artworks.
"Are you sure?" Mapi's fingers brush your thigh. "I mean, how can we be sure? Competition can come back."
You give her a look, brows raised pointedly as she nibbles at your neck. "I can't go back into work with my neck uncovered. I'll have to cover it with a scarf."
"it's winter. You should be wearing a scarf anyway. This just gives you a good excuse!"
She pushes you flat on your back, straddling your hips as her mouth reattaches to the sensitive skin on your neck.
That's how Ingrid finds you, thought with less clothing, as she steps through the door.
"You two can't wait for me?" She teases as she hangs up her coat and takes off her boots. "Having all the fun without me?"
Mapi barely pulls away from you, still close enough to feel her breath on your lips, as she responds," You know you're always welcome to join."
"Hmm...I don't think that sofa will fit all three of us, not in the ways I want you two in anyway. Come. We'll take this to bed."
It's hours later when you finally, properly, separate from your lovers, head pillowed on Ingrid's bare chest as she draws absentminded swirls on your arm with her fingertips.
The light glow of the fake Christmas tree in the corner of the room is the only thing illuminating the walls. The light bounces along the curves and angles of Mapi and Ingrid's faces, bathing them in ethereal light so much that you just can't help but stare.
It's so calm and so beautiful that you find yourself relaxing, all tension melting from your bones before you check your phone and the illusion is shattered.
"What is it?" Ingrid asks, feeling your muscles tense against your own.
"It's nothing," You say quickly - too quickly for Ingrid's liking.
"You can tell us," She coaxes gently," What's wrong? We'll help you fix it."
"Unless you're going to be able to fix years worth of parental disappointment..." You say bitterly before sighing," No, it's nothing. I promise. Don't worry about it. Ignore me."
Mapi lifts her head up from where it was resting on Ingrid's shoulder. "You're not looking forward to going home for Christmas?"
"I...I don't know," You admit," Christmas isn't...I mean...I don't know. Patri wants me to come home with her but..." You press your face into Ingrid's skin. "I'm sick of arguing with her about it."
"You're arguing with Patri?" Ingrid asks," I don't think you've ever said that before."
"Every Christmas." You grind out the words. "I was smart enough for medical school, you know. I could have gotten in. I think that's what everyone expected of me."
"But you wanted to be a vet instead?" Mapi's hand captures one of your own, lacing your fingers together tightly and squeezing.
"I don't think my parents ever really got over it. I don't think Patri's parents really got over it either. A footballer and a doctor. It's every family's dream."
Ingrid frowns though you can't see it from the way you've buried your face in her chest.
"Your parents don't deserve you," She says simply," And Patri shouldn't make you go home with her if you don't want to."
"What else am I meant to do?"
"Come with us," Mapi says," I know you said no when we first asked but that's when you were planning on seeing your family. Come to Norway with us. We'll spend Christmas together."
"I don't want to intrude-"
"You won't be," Ingrid cuts in," You're a part of this relationship and if you're not going home then you shouldn't spend Christmas alone. We don't have to go to Norway. We can stay here. Together."
"I can't ask that of you."
"You're not asking. We're offering."
"And your parents won't mind one extra?"
"Ingrid's parents have been trying to meet you for months now," Mapi says," And you can finally meet Hector!"
Ingrid laughs. "My parents might make you give him a check up though. He's going deaf, we think."
"Really, I don't have to-"
"We want you there," Mapi insists," If you'll let us take you."
You smile, leaning over Ingrid to kiss Mapi gently before moving back to do the same with Ingrid.
"I'd love to come to Norway with you both."
#woso x reader#mapi leon x reader#mapi leon#ingrid engen x reader#ingrid engen#woso community#woso imagine#woso fanfics#woso
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