#my wife said so
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Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull NSFW Alphabet
I had a lot of fun getting these all down, and thank @sinfulwrites for being my editor haha! Go read her Asa NSFW alphabet. It's fantastic!
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Jesse couldn't care less about your comfort if you're laying in one of his coffins. He relishes in your discomfort. His camera gets a fantastic view of the tears streaming down your face, and your soiled body is a work of art. He'll go back and watch the footage again to see you squirm.
When you are someone he is closer to, Jesse is more of a gentleman. You are held in his massive tattooed arms, though you will be subjected to waggling eyebrows and suggestive, teasing messages about your time together. When you regain some energy you are free to use his elaborate bathroom, his multifunctional bidet and huge walk-in shower making it more than a pleasure to clean yourself. He will follow you in and watch.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
He's not picky. Jesse can admire every part of you, though he has a weakness for thighs. Your face however is something he will watch intently. He loves to watch your expressions change through it all.
Jesse loves every part of himself. He's great and he knows it. You don't need to tell him.
After his incident at the market, he's much more sensitive about his face. But he took it like a champ after some therapeutic mental breakdowns and property damage. It's okay, he can pay to replace the mirror.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Jesse has a bad habit of cumming inside. Why should he sacrifice his pleasure, after all? Does he not deserve it? He also loves to have you swallow his load, again watching your face as you do. Though if you're one of his victims he probably wouldn't risk putting his penis in your mouth. He doesn't want anything happening to Lil' Jesse.
If you are a victim he might force your mouth open and cum inside, or just cum on your face. That makes a great phone background. Yes, he would do that. Your memory would live on in his home screen. At least until he finds another piggy.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Believe it or not, Jesse would love it if you played with his ass. If you topped or pegged him, even better. His late wife never indulged him.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Jesse had quite a few partners, both men and women, before marrying his late wife. Even after the fact he had encounters outside of his marriage. So he's very much experienced.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Overtop of you with your legs in the air. That way he can see everything; his cock disappearing in and out of you, your body moving with him, and your face of course. His camera also captures more from there.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
When Jesse likes you he's quite the funny guy. He teases and plays with you in a humorous way. If you farted or queefed during sex he'd double over in his wheezing laughter. Jesse is here to have a good time.
When you're a captive, he's brutal. He makes you look into his camera. He makes you look at yourself reflected in his mask, watching yourself be violated.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Jesse is completely bare, save for his eyebrows. After the incident at the market and his surgeries he doesn't even have those. He likes being hairless, and he's spent a lot of money to get laser removal done. Sliding into his satin sheets smooth as the day he was born is one of his great pleasures.
He doesn't mind at all if you have hair, wherever it may be.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Jesse's ability to take anything seriously is severely inhibited by what I'd call 'affluenza'. He has so much money he can do what he wants, when he wants. Sex is a fun time for him, sure, but most of the time that's just it; a fun thing to do. Unless you're someone he really, really cares about. Then he will make more of an effort to take things seriously and be more romantic.
When he makes that effort, he goes all out. Expensive dinners. Trips to foreign countries on one of his private jets. Rose petals on the bed. New lingerie for you. He will spare no expense. You will be wined, dined, and dicked.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Jesse loves to watch his tapes and jerk off. He basically has an addiction, but it's limited to his own recordings or live footage of you. Yes, he's always watching.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Filming: He's got a camera on his shoulder for a reason, and he saves every single tape. He makes backups too.
Phone/Cyber/Video Sex: Jesse does all three. You're getting dick pics. He will ask for nudes and videos, even if he already has them. There is never enough in his collection. You will receive some in return. He will barrage you with dirty texts. He feels no shame. He doesn't know what it is. More than once he's FaceTimed you, only for you to open the call and see him with his dick out. It's a common occurrence.
Mirrors: He has huge ones across the way from his bed, just so he can watch your face when you're in a position where he can't see it. Jesse also likes to make you look at your reflection, whether it brings you shame or pleasure.
Period Sex: Jesse does not fear Aunt Flo. Only cowards do. He'll eat you out too. He thinks it's fun to show you your blood all over him.
Bondage: Keeping people trapped in his coffins watching them squirm is a huge turn-on. Jesse will get right up on the lid to watch through his camera screen. If he's riled enough he will grind against it. He will also use ropes to restrain those he's got his eye on.
Public Sex: Jesse will shamelessly pull you away to bang. He'll reach under the table if you're at a restaurant. Is it a fancy one? Even better. His fingers will play with you as you try to order from the waiter. Sometimes he'll even reserve the place so you two can have your fun in peace. In the car? He'll unzip his fly, pull out his cock and gesture to it while he's driving. Or he'll just pull to the side of the road and throw you into the back seat of his Chrysler. Did someone see? Good, Jesse wants to show off.
Necrophilia: IT'S TRUE. NO I WON'T CHANGE MY MIND. We all saw him lick Princess's corpse in the second movie. He was keeping the bodies all around. He humps coffins. Jesse will have his way with his victims just after killing them. The poor interns from his organization have to clean up the mess. It's not a great job, but it pays very well and the benefits are outstanding.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Jesse loves his mansion. He had it built to his own specifications, and his bedroom has a massive California king-size bed. He loves to show off himself and his affluence. Where else better to do it than there? His car is another favorite. Give him some road head or a handy and he's on cloud nine.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
You exist. He exists. You have holes, he has a penis. That's really all Jesse needs.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Poop. He likes to be clean. Even psychopathic murderers have standards.
No vomit either. You can gag on his weiner, but please don't puke.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Jesse loves receiving oral. He could sit there for ages and watch you suck his dick. It makes him feel like a king, which he is.
If he likes you, he will more than happily attack you with oral. Being cute? Being a brat? Bent over? Spread those legs because he's going in.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Jesse does not rush. He is slow and powerful. His size doesn't let him jackrabbit into you, but he doesn't need to. By the time he's done, you'll feel like you have no bones.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Of course! Jesse may be slow, but he is more than willing to whip out his cock and slip in and out. He knows just how to touch you, so making you cum quickly is easy.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Jesse fears nothing. He could buy off anyone if he got into trouble with you. He has public sex for a reason, and that reason is he doesn't give a single shit. He's willing to try most anything if you're down to clown. He's here to have a good time.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
This man can go all night. No problem. He may need a break, but he'll pick right back up in no time. As long as you're willing he's ready.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Jesse has plenty, though not as many as other people he knows. He prefers quality over quantity. They're not competition. They're for enhancing the experience. He'll happily use them on you, and let you use them on him. He has a prostate massager that he loves.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Jesse is actually not that much into teasing when he likes you. He'll do it playfully, but never to deny you pleasure. Though if you're being bratty he just might to teach you a lesson. He'd rather not wait to have his fun with you.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Jesse can't speak. His vocal cords have suffered some kind of damage during his life and left him mute. The only noises he can make are raspy grunts and groans during sex. Though he is limited, Jesse is not shy about making these sounds when fucking you.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Jesse is good friends with Asa Emory, the Collector. The type of friends with benefits. Asa is more often than not the top, despite their size difference. Jesse doesn't mind at all. He finds it quite cute, but he'd never say that to Asa.
He often helped to fund many of the Collectors endeavors. Jesse thought that Asa's traps were hilarious.
Jesse is more than willing to have a threesome between you and the Collector, if Asa is feeling agreeable. He might even just sit and watch…
Jesse's late wife was a huge Karen. He hated every minute with her and dreaded becoming a father.
If you do marry him, he actually is a doting husband. His late wife wasn't lying about that.
He does not want children. Ever. He'd rather die.
His aesthetic is very important to him. If there's something with skulls or skeletons, he wants it. Even better if it's chrome or silver. We all saw his cute little skull briefcase. He has cute skull slippers. Skeleton boxers. All of it.
His late wife hated his aesthetic. She made him stop wearing a lot of it. Once she died Jesse had a field day putting back on all of his skull themed jewelry. The man has rings for days.
Jesse has a difficult time going to places he considers low-brow or 'poor'. He was raised rich, so he was never exposed to such things.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Seven inches and uncircumcised.
Large low hanging balls.
The tip of his dick is pierced with a Prince Albert. And yes, it has a silver skull on the end.
He named his penis Lil' Jesse. He will never stop calling it that.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Jesse always wants you. All you have to do is look at him suggestively. Or just look at him. He'll ask if you're ready to bang.
The epitome of "So we fuckin' or what?"
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Jesse will fall asleep with you. He's not one to pass out as soon as he nuts. He's too proud for that. His ego couldn't handle the shame.
#chromeskull#jesse cromeans#laid to rest#slasher#slashers#slasher fandom#horror#horror movies#horror films#slasher x reader#jesse FUCKS#a lot#no i will not take criticism#my wife said so#heehee#we love this big bald bitch#hes great#general nerdy writes
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Bleh I'm coming down from my visit to my wife. I was pretty emotional this visit and can't help the anxious thoughts that I am too much work to love.
My wife loves me completely but I see little value in myself.
Upside I worked out I can communicate when having a meltdown but it has to be typed. Progress I guess
#void thoughts#having a calm and rational conversation with the void#i am worthy of space and compassion#my wife said so
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One of my sims 4 mods is stopping the game from opening and I can't find it. It's making me want a fucking sandwich I stg.
#im not allowed to make jokes about harming myself#or others#my wife said so#so sandwich it is#fuck the sims tbh
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New Family Speedrun 00:09.12 (World Record Not Clickbait???)
#deltarune#queen#lancer#rouxls kaard#comic#art#doodles#SDFJKHJKDHSF THIS IS STUPID i said it on discord at like 2AM and then went Wait Thats Funny Actually#and u know what It Is#they're both the wife actually#this is also supremely old this is like WELL over a year old#queenkaard#my art#are you guys enjoying me clearing out my drafts. i hope u are. ancient artwork... now go look at my etsy im posting sooooo much stuff 2day#its been pointed out to be that tf2 doesn't have a spawn noise. you're right. i was confusing it for the respawn cabinets which is often#directly in range of a respawning character. so you usually do hear it pretty immediately after respawning#plus its used a lot in sfm animations too dshhsjdhjsf
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#same Siuan same😭💔
#the wheel of time#wot on prime#wot spoilers#twot#twotedit#3.05#siuan sanche#siuansancheedit#moiraine damodred#moirainedamodrededit#siuaraine#siuaraineedit#moiriane x siuan#gifs#mine#the way she said it like it was smth she was scared to say out loud#she just wanted a simple life with her fish wife </3#my shaylas💔#also Moiraine looked so beautiful in this scene esp when she was smiling at Siuan🥹
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hes so funny
#art#my art#pokemon#volo#pokemon legends arceus spoilers#<- ive decided to put spoilers on my own art so people browsing tags outside my blog don’t get hit with sinister psychic waves#i will not tag other posts on my blog because i post about volo toooooo much and id imagine if you’re here you either know the deal#or you are willing to tolerate my bullshit#ANYWAY. My wife who I cannot draw consistently#im still learning to draw him + i am figuring out what i want in my more personal design of him#i like drawing his arceus hair like that even if its inaccurate#and it’s not relevant to this pic and ive said this in another post i think? but im growing fond of giving him the white tips in his hair#regardless of which outfit hes in. its fun! Its fun!#my hands are sweaty and i woke up way too early so these are kind of doodoo. hes still cute though
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chap 2 of flames and fairies is out!!
i made a post about it before, but its an AU of my fic written by beekaybee in the pokemon universe🥹 and i had to draw this scene bc its my fav LMAO, i love the idea of clora's dad lecturing this cute little pokemon to keep her safe BAHAH💖😭
also to this anon I AGREE!! ITS ONLY GETTING BETTER!! so go show some love to beekaybee on ao3 if you have time as well!!🙏💖💖nothing motivates someone to write like comments!😤
#i said it before but beekaybee writes clora and every character SO WELL!!! including henry...hes in this chapter BAHAHA#i cant wait for seb to appear and for him and clora to MEEEEET!!! also henry has a very gag worthy line about protecting clora#and i like to imagine that even tho seb hasnt even met them yet he still felt that disturbance in the force and GAGGeD🤢#someone is hitting on my future wife....wtf....#choccyart#choccyfanart
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me, finally locking in on drawing jay: >:)
#folks#for this go around i finally used refs and IT IMPROVED SO MUCH (in my eyes)#the shape language was so fun to play with#and then i was feeling good about the sketches and tried some color/light study aND RAN WITH IT#much fun just so much#also to the people who said my last attempts reminded them of Disney Hercules goddesses#THANK YOU i would never have made that connection but what an honor#jay ferin#jrwi#jrwi riptide#jrwi jay#jrwi jay ferin#my jay wife ferin#lancelil made this#i want some art friends who wants to be friends i draw slow and struggle a lot but i got the spirit promise
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It's my little guy!
And oh how I missed drawing him!! <33
#ace attorney#ace attorney fanart#aa#apollo justice#my beautiful wife apollo justice /ref#hes so fun to draw!!#I struggled with him and Klavier the most ever since doing art for this fandom#SO IT'S TIME TO DRAW NON STOP KLAPOLLO TO GET BETTER AT IT#freckled apollo#so real!#i said so <3
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Danny is the rightful Ghost King, but since he's not of age he needs a regent who is a) his species, b) his family, and c) an adult. The only adult haftas are Vlad or this Red Hood guy from Gotham that he's never heard of. Since Vlad is not going to happen looks like it's Red Hood, now how to make the guy count as family...
Jason has had a lot of weird shit happen to him over the years but a woman tracking him down as Red Hood to propose a temporary political marriage so he can be regent of a death dimension until her brother is old enough to rule in his own name is a new one for him. Of course he accepted. The only other option was apparently a creepy uncle figure. He's read enough romance to know a forced marriage of a woman to her creepy uncle never ends well. A forced marriage of a woman to a crime lord doesn't usually end much better, but he's ignoring that for now. He's going to woo and romance his spit fire of a wife with respect, spontaneous poetry, his damn good cooking, and by not being a Darcy. And he is going to rock not just this whole regent thing, but also and more importantly the mentoring her brother and his new ward on how to rule this dimension. Competence is always attractive. He runs a tight ship in his crime empire, surely running a dimension can't be that much harder.
He actually already has a plan on how he's going to handle the whole 'The USA declared war on the dimension he's regent of' thing. It's simple really he goes to the next family dinner and causes chaos. The faces everyone will make will be glorious when he drops that he's lord regent of a dimension, the USA is at war with his dimension, and it's such a shame that no one can meet Jason's wife or ward till there is a peace treaty. Then he just needs to sit back and watch the entertainment as his siblings realize he has forever won the position of favorite child by being the first married and first to give Bruce a grandkid. Also you know the chaos of Bruce willing to wage a one man war if necessary so he can meet his grandson. Jason figures it will take at most a month for the government to cave.
And like a cherry on top he's going to get on a medical treatment plan for the pit. Everything is looking great for him.
#submission by sarahlikesbugs-blog#this has been sitting in my inbox forever im so sorry#i was waiting to have something smart to add but guess what burnout is a bitch#anyway king regent Jason and his lovely go getter wife#he really said 'im going to make the most of this and take advantage as i can'#also making Bruce fix things for him? cherry on top#petty jason is so fun#jazz/jason#anger management ship#hardcover ship#jazz x jason#dpxdc
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NOIR HEAD CANONS PART 3 ISH??
I can’t stop drawing these help me I promise I’ll make something different with the others HABSGGA
#spiderman noir#my art#spider man#spider noir#into the spider verse#across the spiderverse#spider man: across the spider verse#peni parker#spider ham#peter b parker#miles morales#gwen stacy#i love him#he’s my wife#but he’s actually baby#headcanon#headcanons#these are canon because I said so
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I think they would drink tea together and gossip. I think they would be friends.

Melvin is the third wheel to TWO marriages, he is absolutely the one George and Harold go to cry on his shoulder when they have fights with their significant other. Emotional support single man with little to not relationship experience, much less good advice, <3 Just imagine him awkwardly patting Harold while he laments about how his husband hasn’t talked to him all morning and he’s going to DIE.
#Melvin: your husbands are idiots.#Lisa and Billy- watching George and Harold set fire to the barbecue: yeah that’s fair enough#they love their disaster husbands dw dw <3#G & H’s husband and wife are the only people that Melvin actually respects#one day Melv tells George that his wife is nice and they freak out about it because him admitting it out loud is the golden seal of approva#he’s like a very grumpy cat to me- that is to say insanely difficult to please#him admitting he genuinely likes any of their existence is probably a novelty#Melv becomes like- an honorary uncle to the family alongside Harold#weirdo uncle who is also a cyborg- who also hates everyone and who also once blew up someone’s mailbox with a laser#because they said Lisa’s cookies weren’t very good#he’s insane I adore him#can you imagine this man sleepwalking#his cyborg half is freaking to out causing early Armageddon- meanwhile this mf is conked OUT#anyways#my art#captain underpants#tetocu#the epic tales of captain underpants#melvin sneedly#melvinborg#billy hutchins#billy doanbee ahiro#<- goofy ahh name ngl#lisa beard#I’ve been getting my ass kicked with life so this is all I got
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I love how Astarion quotes The Tell-Tale Heart every once in a while. It's a rarer line, and initially I thought it was out of place (Neil is very well versed in theater, so I assumed it was a riff from him), but since reading an analysis of the work I think it was pretty purposeful.
The piece is all about fear and paranoia, things we know Astarion is plagued by despite how he might act. Similarly, the narrator of the story also tries to convince the reader that they are not as troubled as they seem. In the end, the narrator is consumed by the beating of the heart of the old man he killed and dismembered, the sound growing louder and louder until in a fit of rage he reveals the body to the police to absolve himself from the persistent beating.
Except the police never heard the heart beat, because it wasn't the old man's heart at all. The narrator was consumed by the sound of his own heart beating more and more rapidly in his chest from fear. He was the owner of the thing that forced him to reveal his true nature, he is the owner of the tell-tale heart.
And what happens with Astarion after you romance him? He realizes over time that, while he tried to deny his feelings and was initially only interested in manipulating you for his own means, he actually has grown to care for you. You have done something to his heart that hasn't happened in centuries, you have made it feel as if it has started beating again.
Therefore, his tell-tale heart leads him to admit his transgressions, which were committed out of fear and paranoia for his safety.
So the line is actually very, very apt. His confession during Act 2 is his own version of "Villains! Dissemble no more! I admit the deed! Tear up the planks! Here, here! It is the beating of his hideous heart!" Except, of course, it is his own heart that he is unearthing for us (and it's not so hideous, after all).
#astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 astarion#i always wondered why he said that line so i looked more into it#and yeah yknow what that DOES fit with him really well actually#i love him 💜 hes my wife#anyways larian's writers continue to impress me#this is just as deep as gale's “doth thy mirror crack?” line#wolfy speaks
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David Tennant turning into a giddy thirteen year old girl when mentioning his wife's name in an award acceptance video has got to be the cutest thing that has happened all year. it's still feb tho




Bonus: Insta stories from last week



















#ofc you can see the gun she was holding up against his head when he said this#/sarcasm#Im sh!t at giffing as anyone can tell but I've been learning so......#david tennant#georgia tennant#black and white my faithful wife#georgia tennant instagram#georgia's unhinged insta stories#georgia and anna#anna lundberg#michael sheen#peter davison#good omens#doctor who#macbeth#baftas#staged#bbc staged#my gif
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Our Flag Means Death 2x6 | A beautiful name (requested by anon)
#did he have to be so hot in this scene 🫠🫠🫠#david jenkins really said i'll make rhys as sexy as possible and then put my wife in his arms#oh to have a knife held to my throat by this stede bonnet#ofmd#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers#our flag means death#ofmdedit#ofmdsource#ofmd gifs#ida.stuff#ofmd 2x6#stede bonnet#hellkat maggie#gif request#UPDATED VERSION
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Book Fiyero: *immediately recognizes Elphaba and stations himself at the backdoor to prevent her from evading him, stalks her halfway across town to her aerie (even though at that point in time she was only a college friend he hadn’t seen in five years), insists on seeing her again, instinctively goes to comfort her when she first cries, gets sucked into increasingly deep and fraught conversations with her about collateral damage and freedom fighter terrorism, calls her the “most individual, the most separate, the most real” DURING AN ARGUMENT, says he adores Elphaba’s looks IN THAT SAME ARGUMENT, doesn’t understand Elphaba’s “being born with a talent or an inclination for goodness is the aberration” comment because (implied) he sincerely believes Elphaba isn’t evil, changes his mind about the plight of the Animals all by himself but doesn’t mention it to Elphaba because he is afraid she would distance himself from him, buys scarves for both his wife and Elphaba even though only Elphaba likes scarves, is so concerned for Elphaba and her dangerous Lurlinemas Eve mission that he stalks her instead of staying at his club or just leaving town altogether, and is so worried about her that he returns to the aerie just to see her*
Also Book Fiyero: Am I in love with Elphaba?
#😭😭😭😭😭😭#wicked#wicked meta#wicked book#faeyero#fiyeraba#re reading wicked and i am crying#maybe the musical was right all along in making him the scarecrow#jk fiyero’s wicked smart no pun intended#i think he was protecting himself subconsciously from heartache#because he had sarima and the kids#if he got in too deep with elphie…well…#but sarima believing he was a little in love with glinda makes me laugh so hard. so off base#honestly the intensity with which fiyero just latched onto elphaba when he sees her again. real I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE HER AGAIN vibes#it almost makes me wonder#because it’s been five years dude#crope saw her too#but he didn’t stalk her halfway across town just to say hi#and he knew her for much less time than glinda boq crope AND tibbett. they literally had only (1) line of dialogue during the shiz years#don’t get me wrong#typically when you have to ask yourself if you love that person the answer is usually no#but i think in this case actions speak louder than words#no shade to musical fiyero btw he also got the sauce. especially bailey!fiyero oh god#but book fiyero is something else#‘my wife is from nest hardings’ ELPHABA WAS BORN IN NEST HARDINGS#he could have said ‘my girlfriend or friend or cousin’ but nooo it had to be wife#also the fact that he refused to sleep with sarima’s sisters or be unfaithful to sarima because he didn’t want to compromise his power#but then sleeps with elphaba when she sheds (1) tear#i’ll shut up now
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