#my whole daily routine has been ruined

[poorlittlevampire]

okay bye

[sunfairiess]

𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 | 𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

tropes: 3rd person narration | soft boy jj | best friends to lovers | comfort | fluff

synopsis: reader’s battling against anxiety, and during one of her anxiety attacks jj’s there to help her.

warnings: heavy depiction of anxiety, anxiety attack.

wc: 2.1k

writing this as someone who suffers from anxiety and deals with it on her own, was really emotional; if you find yourself in this position too, please don’t be afraid to ask for help. mental health matters <3

song rec: breathin - ariana grande ♡

everyone fights their own monsters, some are physically visible, others are perceived. some people have to fight against their families, some against their friends. but one of the biggest and worst challenges, was to fight against your own head.

everyone is tormented by their own monsters. hers is called anxiety, the beast who had ruined her life.

at school, her grades started to drop because she was just so tired all the time she couldn’t even bring herself to open the textbook; half of the foods she used to love were cut out of her daily routine because she would get constant heartburn and stomach problems to the point where she wasn��t able to consume a full meal for days.

when it came to sleeping, she couldn’t fall asleep because her mind was always racing with awful thoughts. what if i don’t wake up tomorrow? do my friends hate me because i didn’t go out with them today? is my heart supposed to beat so fast? my back is hurting, is this a health condition? am i going to be alone forever? usually she would go on for hours, reaching three or four in the morning, until she either cried herself to sleep or she almost passed out because of how tired she was.

going out of the house became hard. she became afraid of taking public transportation because what if someone tried to rob her or kidnap her. she couldn’t take long walks anymore because what if something happens and i’m alone. she even had to stop going to parties because she couldn’t stand big and loud crowds of people anymore.

her mental pain became physical: constantly having back problems, her chest and throat always felt too tight to breathe, her body tingling out of nowhere all the time.

it would’ve been a lie to say all of this didn’t reflected onto her relationship with others; she never told anyone about her own problems, not that they could help anyway. so when she started to hang out less with her friends, she always had to lie. i’m grounded, i can’t go out. sorry, i have too much homework to do. i have the flu, i can’t come. my dad needs my help, i’ll come next time. eventually though, she would run out of excuses, and that’s how she ended up for the first time in a month at the château, surrounded by her best friends.

“girl, we haven’t see you in forever, i almost forgot your face.” kiara joked, nudging her a bit with her elbow.

“i know, i’m so sorry guys. past month has been crazy.” which wasn’t a lie per se, she had spent the last weeks having constant anxiety and panic attacks. in the morning, in the afternoon, at night. and every single time she felt like she was about to die, the impending fear of doom creeping inside her. it really started to become unbearable, to the point where she didn’t even notice how many days would go by.

“well you’re here now, that’s what matters.” pope chimed in, giving her a smile. somehow that made her feel a little bit more lighter, knowing that her friends didn’t actually hated her. anxiety made her overthink every little detail of her life.

even though she tried to appear relaxed the whole night, she still felt like she was being chocked by an imaginary hand, pressing harder every time she breathed. she was grateful that none of her friends noticed the stiffness in her body, it would’ve been to hard to explain everything.

at least she thought no one noticed. jj noticed, he always did. he would observe every little detail about her. and from the moment she stepped into the château he hadn’t been able to keep his gaze off of her, not even for a second. he missed her. he hadn’t seen her in weeks and he had become restless. day and night he would think about her, what she was doing, if she missed him, if she too dreamed about him like he did about her. that’s how it felt being in love with your best friend.

jj knew something was up with her. she was always full of joy and energy, but bow it seemed like she had lost her spark. he knew there was something wrong, especially when he saw her fidgeting with her rings, gazing anxiously around her. he knew something was wrong when she got up, excusing herself from the conversation, and almost running to the bathroom.

following her wasn’t probably too good of an idea, but jj was impulsive, so he did it anyway. amen to that, he would’ve dealt with the consequences later, like his confused friends asking him what the heck was going on.

as he entered the bathroom, she was sat on the toilet. her face so pale you would think she was about to pass out.

he sees her as she stares into the wall, her eyes fixed in front of her, full of fear. he notices as she bring her right hand to her throat, sliding slowly down her chest and pressing hard. he hears her breathing going faster and heavier, like she couldn’t catch a full breath. her hands shaking as she tries to ground herself and not slip into the arms of her anxiety.

jj had no idea of what an anxiety attack looked like, he had been fortunate enough to never had one, but he always thought they had to feel awful for whoever got them. but seeing her, his sweet little sunshine, shaking all over the place and being surrounded by a cloud of darkness around her, made his heart break into a thousand millions pieces. he wanted to help her, but he didn’t know how to do it in the right way. he just wanted to do something, and so he did.

“sunshine, hey. baby, look at me. c’mon lemme see your pretty eyes.” he kneeled in front of her, placing both of his hands on her knees and gently rubbing his thumbs against them.

everything was spinning around her, thoughts racing with all the emotions she bottled up and all the fears she always had. she couldn’t stop them, it felt like she was going to be swallowed up by a black vortex. but then she heard his voice, it was like hearing an angel talking. her gaze slowly shifted from the white wall to his eyes, his gorgeous blue eyes, usually shining like stars when they looked at her, but now they were the depiction of concern. she felt a sharp feeling of guiltiness running through her your veins, because the last thing she wanted was to make him sad.

“that’s it, baby. you are so pretty, my pretty girl.” he gave her a soft smile, slowly moving his hands from her knees to her thighs. he wanted to pull her close and hug her, but one time— and thank god for him and the one time jj actually listened to what he said— pope told him that when people had anxiety or panic attacks, most of the time they didn’t wanted to be touched. so, instead of being the usual impulsive jj he was with everyone, he took baby steps with her, not wanting to scare her or make her even more anxious.

her breath was slowly calming down, but the aching in your chest and the lump in her throat were still there, still feeling like she was going to suffocate any moment now, but jj pulled her out of her thoughts again.

“alright pretty girl, i need you to do something for me, ‘kay? i need you to take deep breaths with me, i know it’s hard but i’m here. you’re safe, i won’t let anything happen to you. breathe with me, baby.” his voice was so sweet and gentle, she actually thought she was going to cry because of how soft he was speaking to her and how he was trying to handle the situation. she nodded slightly, following his example as he took one deep breath and then exhaled. one deep breath and exhaled. inhale and exhale. and they went on, and on, until the tension she felt before started to leave her body, making her shoulders and back relax and her hands stop shaking.

jj didn’t say anything this time, he just looked as she regained consciousness of her surroundings. even though the attack was gone, it usually took hours before she could actually calm down completely. it was hard and she always handled them alone, but this time having him with her felt like a blessing from heaven.

feeling like she had just been pulled out of a dark hole, she launched herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck. he let out a sigh as soon as he felt her flesh touch his own, his arms reaching for her hips and his face buried deep into the crook of her neck. they stayed like this for a almost twenty minutes. he only pulled her in tighter, not wanting to let go of her because he knew as long as she was into his arms, she was safe.

30 minutes later they were laying next to each other in the hammock, her head resting on his chest, the sound of his heart beating calming her, like a lullaby. his hands were both placed on her back, rubbing small circles against the thin fabric of her shirt.

jj really didn’t want to break the peacefulness that surrounded them, but he had to ask her why she never told him anything. he felt like he was failing at being her best friend. “why did you never tell me?” his voice was low, sounding almost like a whisper.

“i- i don’t know. i didn’t want to bother anyone, didn’t want to be a burden.” jj stopped moving his hands on her back, instantly lifting his head to look at her.

“okay, know that i’m not mad, but, firstly, i’m not anyone. i’m your best friend, you would never be a burden to me.” his hands moved to her cheeks, lifting her face. “i’ve been through hell and back these past weeks. not seeing you, not talking to you for more than 5 minutes on the phone, not touching you. it nearly killed me, y/n. i was always on the edge of a breakdown, constantly snapping at everyone because i didn’t know how you were doing. were you safe? were you alright? not knowing made me go insane.”

he stopped for a moment to catch his breath. he was pouring his heart out, which he never do, but he just felt like he had to do it now. “and i’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, that’s the last thing i want. i just wish for you to know how much you mean to me. you’re the most important person in my life, you’re my best friend, my ride or die, my partner in crime. you- you’re my first love, and hopefully you’ll be my last one too.”

her eyes went wide at his words, and honestly she thought she heard him wrong. “jj, what- what are you saying?”

“i know the night wasn’t perfect, but please just lemme say this now because i don’t know when i’ll get the same courage again. i love you, y/n. i love everything about you. i love that weird sound you make when you laugh too much, i love how your eyes shine when you’re talking about things you like, i love how after surfing your hair become all curly. hell, i love even the things you do that should piss me off, like when you throw away my joint because i’ve been smoking too much or when you scream at me because i got in a fight with some kooks again. i love you so much it physically hurts.”

her eyes were watery now, tears threatening to coming out in flows. she didn’t know what to say. because seriously, what do you say to someone who sees you as the most incredible human being, when you can’t even love a quarter of yourself?

you say nothing. but you can do something.

that’s why, in the quietness of the night, under the stars and while she was feeling at peace for the first time in weeks, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against it.

she wasn’t magically healed, she still had things to deal with. but now, she wasn’t on her own anymore.

[holylulusworld]

Gun for hire (1)

Summary: You’re his next target. Nothing else. Right?

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x fem!Reader

Warnings: hiring a killer, Lloyd being Lloyd, being followed, sunshine reader

Gun for hire (Prologue)

Gun for hire masterlist

Lloyd curses himself once again.

He still didn’t get his money. His newest client is an annoying piece of shit. And on top of the pile of shit, this assignment turned into, the exotic beard wax he wanted to order was sold out.

In other words. Lloyd Hansen is fucking livid. 

This doesn’t keep him from following his latest target around town.

So far you went to work, bought a muffin on your way to the library, and talked to the librarian for half an hour.

Lloyd yawns, bored beyond belief. He never followed such a boring person. Most of the people he killed were criminals, or at least interesting. You’re just…too nice.

You made it your mission to visit the elderly librarian every day after work to make sure she gets her extra portion of sugar – hence the muffin you bought. Plus, you try to make her feel needed by asking questions about books you already read.

He’s close to calling it a day when a man walks past you and the librarian. The man bumps into your side and has the guts to yell at you.

Lloyd pokes his head around the shelf he is hiding behind to watch you smile at the man. He can’t believe that you smile at a man yelling at you not moments ago.

“Crazy,” he concludes but decides to watch you for a little longer. Assignment or not, he’s got nothing better to do today.

“Sir,” you carefully pat the man’s arm while you speak to him in a low, but soft tone. “Your day must have been hard.” You batt your eyelashes, and smile again. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been so rude, right?” 

The man suddenly smiles and apologizes repeatedly. The man’s whole demeanor changed so suddenly Lloyd could not believe his eyes.

“Drugs maybe…or a hidden gun?” Lloyd wonders. No man ever changed their opinion so fast without being under the influence of drugs, or in danger. “That woman must be the devil in disguise or something. She must be more dangerous than I first thought.”

“Come on, do something more exciting,” Lloyd grunts as your daily routine drives him up the walls. He looks at his notes again and sighs deeply. 

He rereads his notes and tries to find new information.

“Work. Buying something sweet for Grace, the elderly librarian. Talking to said librarian for half an hour. Going home. Watching TV.”

This is not how imagined his Friday night would look like. He wanted to spend it at his favorite strip club, a pretty girl’s mouth wrapped around his dick.

“She’s so…” he rubs his tired eyes, “boring. I can’t believe someone wants to kill her.” Lloyd ignores the kink in his neck and his burning eyes, or the fact that he’s watching you giggle at something your elderly neighbor said. “I hate her so much.” 

He could just end your life or call it a day, but he keeps on watching you smile and giggle. “She’s a fucking ray of sunshine. What the fuck!”

Lloyd shakes his head. Today someone spilled coffee all over your pretty sundress. Your boss yelled at you. And you lost your phone.

Nothing seems to ruin your mood. You are still laughing and joking with your neighbor.

“I should just go over there and kill them both. Less headache for me – a house and a car for my client,” Lloyd is tempted to get his gun and silencer out to shoot you and your neighbor. “Maybe later. I need to unlock her phone first…”

Lloyd rolls his eyes while scrolling through your phone. There are mostly pictures of bees, flowers, and cake on your phone. No interesting or naughty stuff. 

“This woman can’t be real. She buys sweets for the librarian; cooks soup for her sick neighbor and has a fucking insect hotel on her veranda. She’s crazy…this must be it.” 

He nods to himself. “I need to find out more about her. Maybe some files are password-protected. I know she’s hiding shit from me.”

“Boss, it’s two weeks,” one of Lloyd’s men dares to say. “He didn’t pay.” The man clears his throat. “The woman is still alive too. What is your plan?”

“I need to find out more about her,” Lloyd grunts. He doesn’t need one of his bootlickers to sniff around and find out Lloyd is following you because he’s fascinated and a little grossed out by your bubbly personality.

Your friendliness is hard to stomach, and he wants to find at least one thing you try to hide before he kills you.

“Boss, he didn’t pay,” the man insists. “We don’t work for free. That’s rule number—” A gunshot ends the man’s life. 

“Rule number four is to never doubt me and my decisions,” Lloyd sneers at the dead man on the ground. He snaps his fingers at one of the others. “Clean this up. I got a job to do.”

“Boss…” the man nods and goes to work.

“And bring me her boyfriend. He broke our contract and didn’t pay me a single buck. I want to know why he believes he can fuck with Lloyd fucking Hansen.”

“What are you doing at my house?” You take a step back. A stranger is standing in your living room, a gun with a silencer aimed at your head. “Oh…Tommie.” You shake your head and sigh. “He’s such an unhappy man.”

Lloyd cocks a brow at your reaction. You don’t scream or beg. Instead, you are concerned about your ex-boyfriend.

“He doesn’t have the money to pay me back for the house and car,” you conclude and nod to yourself. “But he has the money to pay you?”

You take a step toward Lloyd, taking him by surprise. He backpaddles and aims his gun back at you.

“You don’t look like a guy he found on the street and paid him twenty bucks. You look like a…” You tilt your head to look the man in front of you up and down, “professional.”

“Sorry, but you got to go…” He murmurs, wondering a little about his words. It’s the first time he said more to a target than hello and goodbye.

“Uh-okay,” you wring your hands. “I just ordered takeout. Can I eat it before you kill me?” You cock a brow. “You know, the whole last meal thing and stuff. I got dessert too. Please don’t let me die hungry.”

Lloyd is stunned. No target ever accepted their fate without fighting back. Most of them at least begged and pleaded or offered more money.

“You can have some dessert too,” you softly say. “I guess in your line of business you don’t often get invited.” You giggle. “You know, because you kill all of your clients.”

“I don’t kill my clients,” he sighs. “Fine, have your last meal. You are giving me a fucking headache, sunshine.”

“Aw, that’s a cute nickname,” you point out. “Do you call your girlfriend that too?” You ask while walking past Lloyd. “I’m going to eat now. Please don’t shoot me before I finish my meal.”

“Just shut up,” he grunts and follows you inside the kitchen. “Why are you not screaming or throwing a tantrum?”

You shrug. “We all must die one day. Right?” Watching Lloyd, you smile. “Please don’t shoot me in the face. Someone must identify me, and I don’t want them to see me like that.”

“You always think about others first.” 

He watches you prepare two plates of food. You watch him watching you. He cocks a brow, believing you will try to trick him. “It’s not poisoned. I’ll eat it too.”

“Do you want to sort things out first?”

“I got everything sorted out,” you smile. “I’m just worried about my neighbor and the stray cat I feed. They are both old and need help.”

Lloyd shakes his head. “You must be crazy thinking about others while a stranger threatens to kill you.”

“I thought you wanted to kill me, not just threaten me,” you round the counter to place a plate close to him. “I didn’t take you for someone making empty promises.” You run your fingertips over the hand holding the gun and smile. “Right. Mr.…?”

“Lloyd,” he says and drops his eyes to your finger running over his hand. “Are you flirting with me?”

You look him straight in the eyes and smile. “Why would I flirt with my executioner?”

Gun for hire (2)

Tags in reblog.

[stqrgirlie0]

⋆✮theodore nott-pt 4✮⋆

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

you were running out of concealer, and it was showing. the purplish blue bruise less inconspicuous than the day before. theo had no chill when it came to hickeys- even though you guys weren’t official yet, he saw no problem in marking you his. one could say it just happens in the moment, and honestly why would anyone blame him- especially when he had you pressed up against the wall, head tilted back, mouth parted open, eyes closed and your neck and collarbone exposed. he just can't help himself.

it was becoming a daily routine, everyday right after last period you'd walk past the same empty classroom and everyday you'd hear someone whisper your name from behind the door. not very long after you'd be unbuttoning theo's shirt while he picked you up and sat you onto a desk. your fingers would tangle between theo's fluffy curls while his lips littered kisses and hickeys. soft pants from the both of you filled the air, and your were more than glad that theo did his little magic and muffled the room's noise to the outside. the sound of theo ripping your tights made you gasp out loud as you gave theo a light smack on his shoulder, while he muttered a 'i'll buy you new ones.’ soft kisses planted into your inner thighs and as soon as he was on his knees, he got down to business- ate you out like he didn't have breakfast in the morning. euphoric- that's how you felt every single time this man was on his knees, stars were starting to form in your vision. squeezing your eyes shut, fingers gripping his hair and the edge of the desk, you reached your climax and theo was all over you again, fervent kisses with teeth clashing and soft giggles in between.

obviously you guys hadn't been caught yet, but even if you did, i doubt that it would stop the two of you. this whole thing between you and theo hadn't been out in the open yet, so every moment between you two in front of the group was seen as an interaction between two "friends". it wasn't the best thing however it wasn't the worst. the thrill of getting caught and no one knowing egged on both of your antics, but not being able to grab theo and kiss him in front of the girls that cannot keep their eyes off of him, took a lot off self control. then again having this little secret meant that no one could have a problem with it- what they didn't know couldn't hurt them right?

unsettling thoughts would cross your mind so frequently, that you found yourself asking the question 'what are we?’. not dating but talking, talking but not progressing- what the hell was going on. you wanted it to work out you really did, so why didn't he just ask you out? and just like that your wish was granted- be careful what you wish for tho.. it was romantic you'll admit it- the candle, the flowers, the chocolates, the black lake glistening in the moonlight and the warm breezy air blowing your hair. it was literally a scene out of a romcom and you felt like you would literally MELT for the man right then and there. everything was perfect- so why was there still this iffy feeling? i'll tell you why- despite all of this lovey dovey, will-you-be-my-girlfriend stuff, our man Mr Theodore Nott asked to STILL keep it a secret. now why on gods green earth would he ask that? obviously you wouldn’t let this ruin you mood, you were on cloud nine girl!! but that bridge was fast approaching, and you were gon have to cross it at some point.

months pass by, and you've both still kept it a secret, but boy has it taken a toll on your side. keeping secrets, lying, it's never been your thing and you hate doing it to the people you love and care about. was it all worth it, was it worth the lack of energy and excitement? your secret link ups with theo got more frequent over time obviously- and maybe it was just because your friends just didn't hang out with you because you'd always run off, to him, for him. your lack of energy doesn't go unnoticed, and obviously it's brought up. just not in the nicest way. you're accused of not putting any effort into the relationship, and this sets you off-you see literal red.

‘i don’t know what you’re talking about theo.’ you sigh, standing up.

‘i’m talking about the 0 effort you put into our relationship,’ he says pacing across his dorm room and rubbing his temple. ‘every time we get time alone it’s like as if you can’t wait to fucking go back to your friends or some shit, what the fuck is going on.’

‘what’s going on? what’s going on?’ you seethe, walking right up to him. ‘i’ll tell you what’s going on. it’s that i can’t take this fucking secret thing further. there i said it, i CANT do it.‘ you wave your hands up in surrender.

‘so what, that’s it?’

‘i don’t know, do you want it like that? theo we can’t even talk until we’re behind closed doors, it’s like we’re trapped. you say i put no energy and effort into this, but maybe it’s because i use it all up lying and making excuses for us. it’s not working out..’

the argument only ended with tears and slammed doors. nights that you used to smoke with theo on, turned into nights you sat by yourself, leaning your head against the window, accompanied by only your thoughts. every day going to lessons and acting normal was truly a test, especially when theo would still catch you with his longing eyes across the room. it was so hard but you couldn’t give up, you owed yourself at least that much. your heart yearned for the boy, for the way he would brush your hair out of your face, for the way he would look at you- like you were the prettiest girl in the world, for the way he’d play with your hands every time you slept. it was getting harder and harder by the day, and theo wasn’t finding it any easier. he also longed for how your fingers would play with his hair, for how your nails would scratch down his back. so it wasn’t long before the both of you snapped, and there you guys were making out in the corner of the empty corridor. your top two buttons undone and theo’s hands firmly planted at the sides of your waist, lifting your shirt up a bit as his fingers pressed into your skin. you felt his lips slowly travelling to the middle of your neck, your head leaning back against the wall to allow him as much skin as you could. his lips trailed back up again, finding your jawline as he pressed kisses along. the scene caused the majority of the students walking by, to avert their eyes and fasten their pace down the corridor.

i think it’s pretty much official now.

#i think pt 4’s come to a natural ending.. right.. #id like to confirm that there will not be a pt 5 xoxo #because i genuinely would not know what to write, but hopefully you guys enjoyed the (very unplanned) series♡ #lots of love xoxo

taglist: @iamgayforyourmom1510 @lovelyygirl8

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hey! I’ve been in the arcana fandom for a while- well in and out due to it dying down but now I’m back! I wanted to say you’ve been one of the main blogs that has reanimated my joy for this great game and story! <3

You’re totally radical and keep up the fantastic work. You’re doing amazing!

For a mini ask (hope you’re doing well!)

HC for the main 6 and maybe with a MC that wears red lipstick and kisses them, wanting to leave noticeable marks on them?

Like how would they feel about having their partners love shown on their cheek/neck/collar?

Anyways, thank you so much again!

Much love- AuntVamp!

The Arcana Mini-HCs: M6 with lipstick prints

~ hi AuntVamp! it's so nice meet you, and ohmygoodness, that's such high praise! thank you so much ^.^ and much love back to you, I hope you like these! :D ~

Julian: doesn't realize it's there until someone points it out to him, wears it for the rest of the day like a badge of pride and refuses to wash it off until you promise to give him a whole set of them next time

Asra: will happily wear one on their cheek, gets so inspired by it that they buy you lipstick in all the shades of the rainbow so you can decorate their face properly. adds more glitter than is advisable

Nadia: you can leave them on her collar, where she can hide it. unless of course her family is around, in which case she's inviting you to leave them all over her neck and shoulders so she can flaunt them

Muriel: this happened on accident once when you kissed his cheek before he went out. you could hear the shriek from the other side of the forest when he caught his reflection in a puddle. never again

Portia: sure, but for every lip print you leave on her she gets to leave one on you. this will turn into a fluffy flurry of giggles and smooches that will cause anyone else present to vomit. except Julian, who melts

Lucio: worried at first that you'd ruin his makeup. takes a peek in the mirror and decides it's actually a nice addition, and now demands his daily kiss as the final step of his makeup routine. the location changes

[gabessquishytum]

So Hob is pretty lonely, but doesnt have time for a real relationship, so he ends up going to a gay strip club and paying one of the workers to just sit and flirt with him. Nothing sexy, just has a drink with them and the two of them act like theyre on a real date. Yeah, desperate single guy behavior, but no one knows about the club, and the strippers aren't going to judge him.

One night there's a new guy and Hob bothers him for the whole routine. But come to find out, he doesn't really understand the whole preformance part of his job, and is actually pretty Open with Hob. His parents kicked him out for being gay. (First son has no ability to have kids, third son left the family, so Dream was their only shot at passing down the family name and him being gay ruined it) he's saving up as a stripper to eventually go back to school. And while he knows its not for everyone, he doesnt mind the sex work part of his work, so it becomrd basically a waiter job.

He becomes one of Dream's regulars until one night Dream says "this is going to be crazy, but if you ever want to stop paying me, I'd be happy to do all of this for free" and Hob thinks Dream is saying he doesnt have to tip, so he insists he's fine paying and Dream says "well if its so important to compinsate me for my time, buy me dinner?"

And it hits Hob all at once that "oh my god, my favorite stripper is in love with me!"

Askskfjgjh yes!!! Hob eventually talks to his friend Jo about the whole situation and she’s like, “you absolute loser, your favourite stripper isn’t in love with you! that doesn’t happen outside of stupid pornos.” But Hob insists he’s getting The Vibe and takes her to the club to observe.

Half an hour into Dream and Hob’s date Jo is like, “oh my god you are the luckiest most undeserving bastard on earth, this stripper is in love with you!”

And so Hob, most average Just Some Guy who ever lived, becomes sugar daddy/boyfriend to Dream, the prettiest man that anyone has ever seen. Dream quits his stripping job, he doesn’t want to show his body to others now he has Hob, and moves to bartending instead. That way he still has a job, but because Hob is providing for most of his daily living expenses, he also gets to go back to school!

When Dream’s parents come crawling back and ask him to come home (it’s finally occurred to them that if they carry on like they have been, all their kids are going to fuck off) and he’s like “no thank you, i’m quite happy with my boyfriend. when we get married i intend to take his name btw <3”

And that’s the story of how Hob married his favourite stripper. Dream finishes school and ends up with an amazing job and a pay check that makes him basically Hob’s sugar daddy. And they have raunchy sex twice every day, go to strip clubs together and leave thousands of $$$ in tips… and every day Hob reminds himself that he is the luckiest most undeserving bastard on earth <3

[sandrockianblues]

spare Pen HCs, for when he's dating the builder? bonus points if the builder is a little feral.

Prime Himbo Pen?😍

🏅Pen🏅hcs

For all his bravado and arrogance, he’s actually a bit surprised the builder chose him of all people.

Not that he’d admit that tho

He lowkey loves flaunting the fact that he’s taken and unavailable after the builder gets with him

Like even if a tourist comes up to ask for directions-

“Halt there, stranger. Per the rules of the sanctity of my relationship with our local builder; I shan’t engage in conversation with those who gaze upon my gains in wonderment and awe.”

They’ll spend the next few hours looking for the store they need

Logan and Owen are really his biggest competition and he treats them as so if his builder is close with one of them

He’s kind of a crybaby if the builder tugs on his heart strings enough

Full on crying and blaming the sand, saying it got in his eyes

He melts and shuts down for praise and genuine compliments. Can’t compute and gets slightly flustered

But he CAN flirt like it’s nobody’s business. He gives as good as he gets and more.

If the builder is a bit rambunctious, aggressive, defensive, impulsive, etc…

It somehow chills him out? Like he’s got to be the sane one between the two of them

Literally holding them under their arms and away from their target

Gives a half-assed apology because like, he still stands by the whole “I’m sorry you felt that way.”

The builder has to lead the way with initiating affection for most of the beginning of their relationship, sorry. He’s not used to it

Deadass fears breaking or crushing them (man has Lenny vibes from Of Mice & Men)

Brush his hair please. He somehow breaks and ruins brushes doing it himself because his constant jumping and running around leaves it knotted up

But if the builder has more patience and a gentle hand, Pen will come to them to help him out with his hair

One of the few times they’ll get a somewhat quiet Pen

He’ll groan continuously and in content as they work the knots out carefully

Also Pablo will thank them.

Playing with his hair afterward or just threading their fingers through his thick locks is a major bonus he loves

Believe it or not, while Pen tans nicely (don’t doubt that he’ll tan nude on top of the church out of view to get a full on even color) only the bridge of his nose will burn!

So when he’s with the builder, if they ignore his dismal to their concern and saying the burn will eventually fade into a tan-

And the start a daily routine of applying a little bit of sunscreen to that bit of skin

He’ll fall in love all over again

Them offering to help with his workouts makes him laugh

Until they start flirting with him and he realizes oh…

Oh, that works.

Cue Pen working hard to earn kisses in each rep or count

Cue Pen wanting more praises

Despite his constant flaunting and offers to feel up his muscles, it comes as a shock to him when they actually do

Know how he’ll stand for hours, maybe even days on end, in front of a mirror?

Yeah. If the builder stares at him, Pen will feel compelled to keep quiet and stay still no matter how long they take.

It’s something about the way their eyes look at him with admiration, adoration and love that fills him with a wholeness he’s been missing

Like those countless hours he’s spent working hard have finally amounted to something and he no longer needs to try finding his answer in his own reflection

Gets genuinely excited like a great big puppy when the builder offers to spar with him

Pen DOES learn to control his strength and capabilities eventually, so then it becomes a bickering fest if he’s holding back on them to those that are a bit prideful

Touched when the builder washes his cape for him because he will literally never remember to

Call him “my hero” and he might just die on the spot

Also, convince this man he is not indestructible or immortal please.

He’ll literally yeet himself off any tall surface or structure to surprise the builder

He almost broke a few bones at different times

Love lovES LOVES when the builder is standing on a higher surface than him. Platform, steps, ladder, stairs, etc

Makes the man swoon so fast when they have the (literal) higher ground for some reason

There’s something about being able to hug his builder with his cheek against where their heart lays that completes him

Also his favorite sleeping position once he is promised that he’s not crushing them if he lays on top

Refuses to let the builder carry anything heavy if he’s around

He likes feeling useful

It’s not lending a hand to the church or the Civil Corps that fulfills him

It’s being with his builder.

[t-o-p-ask-blog]

So, what are you all up to nowadays?

Oh! I personally have my daily performances in the theater. Well, other than when the theater is closed. I usually perform between three and five shows per day. On some days, there will be a few hours in which films are shown, as was the case before. But, otherwise, I'm the primary entertainment!

I normally don't do much. I more or less just try to keep myself busy. Sometimes, that means trying to fix those stupid machines that always gave Eclipse trouble before. I do need to start looking for more things to build or research. I really haven't done much of that in a long time. The whole Ruin situation sort of pulled me out of that routine, and I just haven't gotten back to it.

Well, Sun, Lunar, and I still run the daycare every day that it's open. And, of course, I have my unofficial therapist work, and Lunar helps with scheduling appointments. I've had a slightly more full schedule, in terms of appointments. But, other than that, not a lot has changed for me. Oh! Other than being present for Eclipse's sessions with Titan. And, we usually spend some time together afterwards. It's always nice spending time with either of them, especially since Eclipse and I have so many common Interests!

I've still just been working the counter at the theater. The only real difference is the crowd levels. We hardly had anyone coming through when the theater was just playing movies. Now, it's a lot busier. People seem to really enjoy watching Eclipse's shows. And, from what I can hear, I can see why. I've also been trying to just keep making things in my free time, despite having no real need to build anything at the moment.

I've mostly just been making sure the computer and the rest of the technology in the daycare stay in functioning order. Despite the current lack of real danger, the portal still goes nuts sometimes. So, I have to deal with that. Besides that, I've just been trying to regularly check in on everyone. The last thing I ever want to do is make any of my family feel left out or left behind.

It's been more or less the same for me. I take care of the kids in the daycare, I go home, play with my cats, maybe play a game or watch a movie or something, then go to bed. Rinse and repeat.

I'm still working in the daycare and training. I feel like I'm getting a better grasp on my powers. I certainly felt good about sending out an exact amount of electricity, without adrenaline making it way more! But, yeah, nothing all that different with me.

[knight-engale]

The Best Present

1.1k words

Pairing: Morgan x Rowan

@wiltingdecay Happy birthday, bestie!!! Hope you have a wonderful day! 💙

"I'm sorry, my spark… I'm going to miss it by a week." Morgan's expression was apologetic. "There was a supplier issue in port that set us back. We're scrambling to get back on track as quickly as possible, but we'll probably still get back to Vesuvia a handful of days late at best."

"Mórnkan, it's okay." Rowan reached out to touch the glass of the enchanted mirror. It was so off-putting to feel its cold, smooth surface instead of his wife's cheek. "I understand. I'll just hang out with Asra and Muriel like I usually do. Don't worry about it; you look stressed enough already."

Morgan pouted slightly. "I'm still sorry. It's not fair… The one time we get delayed…"

"I know. But I promise it's okay. I'm not upset."

"I know you're not." Morgan sighed. "I'll bring back something nice for you. To make up for it."

"Only if you want to."

"Of course. I…need to go now. I love you. See you soon."

"I love you too. See you soon." Rowan smiled as Morgan blew them a kiss, then ended the call. She was sweet to worry about this, but in all honesty, they rarely did much for their birthday anyway. It was disappointing that she wouldn't be home, but it wouldn't ruin their plans or anything. They'd understood that this might happen when they married her. The possibility of missing important days just came with the territory.

Still, that knowledge didn't stop his heart from aching at the thought of being separated for even longer. At the same time, he'd felt worse in the past.

Four monotonous days went by. The calls with Morgan had been shorter than usual, and she seemed so tired. It was probably a good thing that she wouldn't be there for Rowan's birthday (at least, that's what they told themself); she wouldn't have the energy to do much, which would make her feel even worse than she felt now. He missed hearing her go on about her day, though. She was so cute when she rambled about her daily life.

Rowan's birthday dawned bright and pleasantly warm. They went about their usual morning routine, and headed to the shop after breakfast. To his surprise, Asra was standing on the doorstep, his signature catlike grin on his face.

"Morning, Ro. Happy birthday."

"Thanks, but…why are you out here this early?"

"I couldn't just let you be alone on your birthday, could I?"

"I guess not. I thought we'd planned on me visiting you two this afternoon."

"I know. I figured I'd swing by in the morning, too. In fact…don't bother opening the shop today. You should come spend the whole day with us." His purple eyes sparkled. He had to be up to something.

"Asra, if you have anything hiding in a cake or something, I'm not interested."

"Aww, how did you know?" Asra laughed brightly. "Seriously though, come back to our place for the day. Muri has something for you and he's getting impatient, since he doesn't like visiting your new place."

"...Yeah, okay. You win." Rowan smiled a little as Asra took their hand, tugging them down the street. He wondered what they were doing. Then again, this wasn't that out of place for them.

One long walk later, they arrived at the cabin Muriel and Asra lived in. Asra paused to say hi to the chickens before they both went inside.

"Honey, I'm home!" Asra called as he stepped inside. His voice summoned Inanna, who promptly ran up to greet Rowan. Rowan laughed, crouching to give her a good head scratch.

"Hey, girl! How're you?"

Inanna let out a bark, as quiet as she could manage, then nudged their wedding pendant. Her head tilted to the side as she looked around for a moment, as if questioning where Morgan was.

"She's…away right now. She was supposed to come home last night, but…her schedule didn't work out."

Inanna whined.

"I know. I'm sad about it, too." They managed a little bit of a smile. "But it's alright. We'll have plenty of fun either way."

Inanna nuzzled them lightly, then trotted back to the fireplace. Rowan followed her and took a seat on the sofa. Soon enough, he and Asra were chatting about their lives recently; it had been a bit since they'd been able to have a properly long talk.

The morning passed by more quickly than it had in weeks. It turned out that the gift Muriel had apparently been impatient to give them was a wooden relief carving of a large, intricate tree with a sun and moon in the sky above it. It would be perfect as wall art for his and Morgan's home. He wondered where they'd put it.

Now, he and Asra were heading back to Rowan's place. Asra had been insistent on having pizza for lunch, but they didn't have all the ingredients. Rowan's place was a little further away, but it meant not spending extra on ingredients they already had. At least, that was what Asra said.

Rowan pulled one of the front doors open when they arrived, and was greeted by a familiar smell. A smell that shouldn't have been there; there shouldn't be anyone in the villa at all, let alone anyone cooking. It was faint, though. They could have been imagining it. Asra didn't notice it…or if they did, they didn't care.

"Which way is the kitchen again?"

"To the left…" Rowan wandered down the short hall that led to the kitchen and dining room. As soon as he was in view of the kitchen, every muscle in their body froze.

There, in the kitchen, was Morgan. She was working on beef stew (and from the scent of it, there was also bread in the oven), and wore a particularly revealing dress. She looked up from the stove when she heard footsteps, a bright smile spreading across her face.

"What…"

"Surprise! Happy birthday, darling." Morgan walked over, laughing when they pulled her close.

"You said… I thought…"

"I thought we would be, but I was wrong. We got in late last night… Asra offered to help me surprise you."

Rowan looked over their shoulder, but it seemed their friend had slipped away to give them a moment. He looked down at his wife with wide eyes. Her own green eyes sparkled with laughter.

"And I did get you plenty of presents, they're wrapped up in our room…"

They laughed incredulously. She was really thinking about gifts? "Oh, stuff the presents! I already have the best present I could ask for. You're home."

Morgan blushed, then squeaked as Rowan kissed her. Their arms wrapped around her waist, and hers wound around their neck.

"You're home," Rowan murmured softly once they finally pulled back.

"I'm home… I love you."

"I love you too. Come on…lunch is ready."

[linaket]

Weekly Writing Check-In (2/12/23)

Tinder Saint Progress: * 6 of 15 chapters complete. * word count: 18k (projected: 40k)

An excerpt, with some lore building.

“Rashad wasn’t completely wrong. Almost every Ilazkin text had some story or another in it, but there’s layers. The story of Shahsu and Maran is about parts being separated, and bringing them back together. Under it is the construct of the soul.”

He knelt at the center of the room, and was rewarded by the symbol he was looking for. He brushed his hand over it, feeling the raised edges around it. “This one is the whole.” He waved Jinan over. “Wait here.”

“The soul?” Sita asked.

Once Vahn saw the path, it was easy to follow. “The soul wasn’t a single thing to the ancients. It had parts.” He found a second panel on the opposite wall. “This one is self. Suad?”

They approached, wary but grudgingly willing. “Is there more?”

“One more.” 

Vahn crossed the room to the panel that Rashad had originally found. With the flames illuminating it at the right angle, it was exactly as it had been before.

“What’s that?” Suad asked.

Vahn smiled to himself. He remembered the light slanting through the windows and how the shadows darkened the annoyed knit of Kanna’s brow. “She couldn’t really figure out what to call it.” He tilted his head to the side, studying the lines. “I guess ‘gift’ is pretty close. But…”

“What would you call it?” Sita prompted. 

Vahn had almost forgotten she was there. “Instinct might be closer.”

🎵 A Shell In The Pit's Rings in Rings in Rings

Thoughts:

This week I managed to be more productive than I have been in recent times, finishing a full chapter. It's only about 3k, but that's a good bit for me since I fell out of my regular daily writing habit last year. It felt really good to write, even if it wasn't my favorite scene and once again suffered from "why do I have so many characters doing so many things always all the time."

It did give me a bit of hope, though. I'm aiming now to try and finish a chapter a week. It might be a bit lofty in my current state, but I want to re-establish a writing routine again. I've missed it, and I need it.

Tinder Saint has been going a bit... oddly, in comparison to my usual way of going about things. Because I had been feeling so low about my writing, I had spent months spinning my wheels and getting nowhere, until I decided "fuck it" and just. Banged out an entire scene draft for the whole story in a few days. But when I did that, it helped me to see things much clearer, and I was able to get excited about the project again. I always avoided doing this because I thought it ruined part of the fun/spontaneity of writing, but it... didn't do that for me. I know what is going on and what happens, and now I can't wait to make it pretty and make it hurt.

I have been skipping a few chapters / scenes that I simply. Didn't feel like writing. And I am typically a very chronological writer. Even now, it's nagging me that I skipped some things. And because of it, I have about two or three chapters that are sitting half finished. I'm thinking I may spend this next week going back to some of those skipped scenes since I have a better idea of what I need in them and I'm feeling a tad more confident in myself since I was able to get some good writing sessions in.

[the-firebird69]

It ‘Ends Now’—Donald Trump Reveals Surprise Assault On ‘Crooked’ Wall Street (forbes.com)

THE AMERICAN PUBLIC KNOWS DONALD TRUMP IS A SUPER WEALTHY. KNOWS HE HAS HUGE BUSINESSES STILL.

CRYPTO CURRENCY The FBI explicitly said more than a decade ago that “it is a violation of federal law for individuals … to create private coin or currency systems to compete with the official coinage and currency of the United States.” AND IT IS STILL ILLEGAL

IT IS CONSIDERED TO BE TREASON TO MAKE IT USE IT AND YOU MAY BE SHOT ON SITE FOR DOING SO

PROMOTING IT AS A PRESIDENT OR FOERMER PRESIDENT IS ABUSE OF POWER WITH INTENT TO OVERTHROW THE USA AND ITS PEOPLE.

I was born here and I've never seen the constitution so abused. This person Trump is completely wrong tried to take the country over by force and his vice president made statements saying that's what he was doing and other people who are in the government and you people are stupid as hell for trying it and your media is owned by you and you're not letting it out and the American people know about it in other words If you force your way into the stupid office again you're going to be killed along with all of your people. This country was founded on weapons and is going to be finished here between you and the people with weapons and that's what they've said. You can take your Nancy Pansy job which Max Shoehorned you into to get rid of you but that's what you wanna do and I know you're gonna try and do it and I know it'll happen you're gonna be fine on your face the whole time. And yeah you're

And yeah you're an

I'm requesting formal charges to be brought on Donald Trump for every count of treason that he has made since his attempt January 6th to take over the United States by force it is indicative of his attempt and it all points to it as it failed he's been trying to depower deflegate the entire country regardless of who they are they're trying to stand together and he's trying to take everything over. I'm tired of this sick old piece of crap stalking me and his **** boy bothering me their pieces of junk I could kill them in a blink and I probably should as at this time I'm duly authorized for the most part my grandpa's president of the United States. Abused and he's shunned and he's done more for this country than anyone else against Trump because Trump is the one who's ruining it and Trump is ruining it for his master in his master plans on executing him for real this boy Trump is going to kill himself in front of everybody he is a massive buffoon as it is the Mac proper plan to have him gather all the weapons he doesn't have a chance in using them and is sitting there 1 weekling and another weakling smoldering until foreigners come by and the max come by and rip it all the way from them they're not in tune to the fact that this can happen easily they don't understand what the overwhelming force is and they have no idea what to do with the weaponry except for threatened the general population try and take it over and thus alienated everybody and their move to try and do anything is not going to work. We did them out of our face right now i'm sick of this daily routine where everybody tolerates someone who is such a **** **** **** for them that they should be executed before they were born. This person Trump is a street person he's trash he's a **** **** loser everybody knows

zeus Hera

Olympus

[lunarsun12]

The Golden Iceskates

Masterlist

It was midday after Sunghoon has woken up from his gaming session with Niki (poor Sunghoon got beaten badly by the kid). Before he has his breakfast, he always polishes his skates as part of his daily routine. Until he found out that his skates was missing, Sunghoon was speechless as it was prized possession plus lucky skates (plus many months of his savings). He spotted Sunoo was skipping back to his room with something shiny his hands, looking very happy. His major suspect is Sunoo, as he did threatened to melt his golden skates before.

Will Sunoo confess?

Enhyphen Main Chat

Today 15:00

Sunghoon⛸️: SUNOO STOP BEING A COWARD AND COME OUT

Jake🐶: What the fuss now? Hoon, just play along with Sunoo. He will stop annoying you

Niki🕺: Hoon, mad? Finally this is getting fun

Sunghoon⛸️: THAT SUNSHINE DID THE UNFORGIVABLE

Niki🕺: Calling you ugly?

Sunghoon⛸️: No worse! FYI Niki you can never look like me

Jungwon🐈‍⬛: Now now Sunghoon, I’m sure it is misunderstanding

Sunghoon⛸️: IT IS SUNOO

Sunghoon⛸️: COME OUT AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN

Sunoo☀️: Why would I come out? I’m in middle of my pampering session

Sunoo☀️: FYI, you are ruining the vibe

Sunoo☀️: OOOO guys look what I got! I got this golden necklace, I’m gonna name it Belinda

Sunoo☀️: I made this myself, isn’t it amazing!

Sunghoon⛸️: Yahhhh, Sunoo how could you do this to me

Sunoo☀️: What?

Sunghoon⛸️: I’m telling appa, what you done!

Jungwon🐈‍⬛: What an earth is going on here?

Jake🐶: We all confused here Uncle

Jake🐶: Sunoo must have done something bad, to get Sunghoon worked up like that

Niki🕺: oooo sunoo hyung getting in trouble. This is the best day ever

Jungwon🐈‍⬛: Niki, stop beefing with Sunoo pleaseee

Jay🤑: SUNOO YOU GET YOUR BUTT HERE

Jay🤑: This is too slow, I tell it on here

Jay🤑: Why did you melt you brother golden ice skate! You know it is his most prized possession

Sunoo☀️: I didn’t touch his trashy ice skate in the first place. I have my limits you know 

Jake🐶: Uncle-

Jay🤑: Not now Jake

Sunghoon⛸️: YOU DID, NO ONE KNOWS THE LOCATION EXPECT FOR US

Sunghoon⛸️: Also how conveniently you got a gold necklace and said you made it yourself

Jake🐶: I really don’t think sunoo did it-

Sunghoon⛸️: SUNOO YOU MELTED THEM SO YOU CAN HAVE THAT NECKLACE IT WORTH 24k gold

Sunoo☀️: One, I made it myself as I went to the jewellers to get to specifically made. Plus 24k too heavy for me

Sunoo☀️: Two, I can easily ask Appa to get me solid gold if I wanted to. Melting gold seeems ew

Sunghoon⛸️: I’m not buying it

Jay🤑: Sunghoon, Sunoo did went to the jewellers. I asked the driver

Heesung🦌: What’s up! Oh Sunghoon you left your skates at my home again. When I took you and Jake to the ice rink last week

Jake🐶: That what I have been trying to you all this whole time😭😭

Sunghoon⛸️: Oh yeah, now I remember. Ooooopsie…so how’s the weather heh heh

Jay🤑: How many times did I tell you not to bring that skate around

Sunghoon⛸️: but I love them! It has best aerodynamic when jumping

Sunoo☀️: Hoonie, what do you say to me?

Sunghoon⛸️: I’m not apologising to you. Not gonna give you the satisfaction

Niki🕺: Yo go hyung tell that sunshine brat

Jungwon🐈‍⬛: Niki, it’s time for your dance practice

Niki🕺: In a sec, this is getting juicy

Sunoo☀️: You falsely accused me and made huge fuss what an embarrassment! Isn’t that right appa?

Jay🤑: Sunoo, does have a point! You did managed to embarrass us

Jake🐶: It kinda your fault though. You blamed sunoo straight away without him explaining himself

Jake🐶: I think you should apologise to him, for your sake

Sunghoon⛸️: Fine, I’m sorry for causing a fuss and accusing sunoo. Happy?

Sunoo☀️: I will be happy if help to clean my gold collection

Sunghoon⛸️: Get the cleaner to do it, that what they here for

Sunoo☀️: Fine, I get to choose the next house appa buys. You chose last time. That mountain house is so ewww the lighting

Sunghoon⛸️: Fine

[panopticon-entertainment]

I Am

Mile ∞ tells the story of an old woman, Eve, who cares for the freeway exit/entrance at the end of the world. From her daily routine to a gift from a god, Eve tells of the pieces of ∞ that led her to greatest accomplishment. The story is told in four parts: “The End of the World is a Freeway Exit.”, “The Last Rest Stop on Earth.”, “The Mile Man.”, and “I Am.”

Listen on Youtube & Spotify - https://youtu.be/2URUd8PeAjw?si=t6zP5z9BdChTIJ2y

___________________________________________________

Sunday (Week one)

It has been a long time since I have written about myself. Today, I was searching for that day I planted the pear tree. See, today, Forever began road construction on I-∞, and I thought that seemed redundant. It could not have been long ago that this was done, right? The last set of road construction inspired me to try and make some sort of novel with all my ramblings; I would be a lousy novelist. I only, well, you know how much I wrote prior. I thought it would make something of the end of my life. Oh well. The road construction had just concluded when I began: days before the Mile Man and ∞ met on my lawns.

I am amazed to say it has been many years since the Mile Man’s departure.

I thought with all the records I keep; I would have a better sense of myself. However, I suppose that just cut time in half, living a moment twice at least. Here again at the dawn of road construction, I ought to editorialize the life I lead if I am going to reexperience it anyway. This way I will not forget myself.

It is Sunday evening. I am waiting to go see my Mimes. Tomorrow, I will mow.

Monday

Summer flowers went up today, and, no, I do not mean any earthly flower. Traffic cones! Forever’s crew blocked the first lane today. She must have new workers for they placed the cones poorly. They do not line up, nor are they near enough to block any car. They best feel lucky the Living cannot access I-∞. Wait until a Jumper makes it past my grass and plummets into all of Forever’s fresh asphalt. I have not seen Forever myself yet.

Tuesday

I nicked the pear tree with my weed eater today. I feel just horrid. I mow such a wide ring around it as to not disturb the low branches. The pear tree is my most prized possession. The pears are pure white, unlike any other species of pear I have ever seen. In all these years, I have let no one taste of it. To do so would be to invoke the highest. No. No one can touch it. Not even innocent insects nor peckish birds. Silly things, I have a whole garden for you!

Thursday

They tore up a portion of asphalt today on I-∞. I am troubled about the asphalt near my grass; when will it  be demolished? The crew did not care much about getting the chunks cleanly in the truck.

Sunday (Week two)

I reread my entry on my Mimes. I must say I disappoint myself. I have learned no more about the duo. I still cannot tell what kind of eternal show they perform. To be frank, I have no recollection of those thoughts about their nature; I have just been consuming their presence. My projections–My editorializing dreams have forgotten what is on the page. I am disappointed with myself.

Wednesday

It is odd to me the things young Short-Timers will do once they receive their ticket for the Caravan. I think that with nothing left to lose, their true natures come out. Their reckless inner desires nevered acted upon as a Living finally fulfilled before their journey to the Beyond. What would I do if I had nothing to lose? When I get my turn on the Caravan, I certainly will not riot against the End.

I came to the exit today to find my road signs graffitied. Graffiti on the bridge is typical, but the signs? I do not want ∞ to be guided by filth—especially such vulgar and human filth. I worry any chemicals will ruin the reflective properties or simply wash away the printing. I scrubbed with water for a bit on the U-Turn sign, but to no avail. I left a message on the trash for the Caravan driver that new signs are required.

Short-Timers are odd. I suppose I am one of them. For all intents and purposes, I am a Short-Timer. 

I am, am I not?

Thursday

I have been fighting a dry spot of grass on Section 3. 

Saturday

My errand boy came today while I was cleaning my RV. He is very young. He sat at my table and talked my ear off. His skeleton is misshapen. After he left, I made potato soup.

Tuesday (Week three)

An exciting day! By exciting, I mean troublesome. A Jumper crashed onto section four today trying to race to the Beyond; they were only a few yards from undried asphalt. This happens occasionally, and it always mucks up my grass! Vehicled Jumpers are usually thrill seekers or the Debted trying to beat the End to the finish line. These ones died on impact. A duo—the Debted. I sheltered them at my garden while we awaited the Caravan. One took a bunch of grapes, and one took a banana. They told me something about a bad deal they had made; I must relisten to the recording.

Paper, can you keep a secret? I like to take trinkets from the Jumper’s vehicles. Funny keys, lanyards, scent trees, and other little cute things. This car had cash—riches like I have never seen before, and, well, money is just paper.

Wednesday

As suspected, the road workers got ground asphalt in my grass. I saw them doing it, but I did not see Forever. It is useless to try and talk to these dolts. I will have to bring a rake on Friday.

Saturday

Today, I did something I have not done in all of the years since the Mile Man’s departure: I braved the End’s crusty, halogen lit city. I have hired various Short-Timers to do my business for me, but today it felt right; I had a mission becoming of the Living. I bought as many cameras as I could scour. I am to continue what I once started. I am going to find the answers to my what ifs.

Sunday (Week Four)

Now, there is not an inch of the Last Rest Stop my lenses cannot see.

Monday

This dry patch confounds me. Fertilizer has not taken; water has not either. I will be planting seed anyway when I fix the ruts the Jumpers left; I will tear this section up and try again.

Tuesday (Morning)

I do not usually walk recreationally at the top of the week anymore.. I was so frustrated by that dry spot; I went out well past midnight to decompress. The only others I ever see at these late hours are my creatures of maybe.

There is a quiet area among a sea of rose bushes where the distant Exit Zero is visible via the haze of streetlights that run parallel with that dark and infinite road. With the stars above and a bright moon, not even the frustration of road construction can overshadow the lovely and calming sight. Whenever I am upset, I always plant my feet here. I have never shared this with anyone; it is mine alone.

I was hit on the way back. I was knocked to the ground. He helped me up.

He apologized, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect to see anyone out here.”

I asked him what a young man like himself was doing here.

He told me, “I, uh, just moved into the RV park.”

Ah, a Short-Timer. He had a face that looked like a hundred other faces I had seen before. Not unattractive but simply an arrangement of common genes.

I told him to look out for the Mimes.

He nodded, “again, I’m so sorry. I’ll make sure to look up more. Have a good night.”

I made sure he knew all was forgiven. I said goodnight; he carried on.

Thursday

I received grass seed today. I cannot fix any ruts until I get mulch or dirt from the Matter Mobile. However, I did rake up more asphalt the road crew deposited on my grass. I saw Forever; she did not acknowledge me.

Friday

I have found my cameras do not pick up the Mimes very well. Pictures are decidedly the best option. They, however, catch other things just swell. There is a couple who likes to touch each other in a ‘hidden’ area. Tourists’ favorite thing to do is steal flowers. The Short-Timer’s walk the path most often to speak ill of others. Autumn walks at the most peculiar times.

Tuesday (Week Five)

I desired to talk to the Caravan driver about the road signs, but I did not get a chance to. They were in such a hurry to get to the world; something must have happened.

Wednesday

I have been pondering on something: My freezer is full of pears, and many of my cabinets are filled just the same with jam. I am considering investing in this horse trailer I saw for sale in the grocery store parking lot. I can get a bigger freezer. Oh, writing is the most wonderful thing; it is decided, I shan’t waste a single piece of ∞’s gratitude. I have only seen her distant chariot since.

Maybe, I am being preserved for Godhood. Mayhap that is why my time on these lands has not been very short.

Thursday

I passed Autumn again. He finds beauty in the end; I can tell he is rare.

Saturday

I bought the trailer.

Saturday (Week Six)

I bought the freezer.

Sunday (morning) (Week Seven)

The pears glow blue. They always glow blue! Putting them in the new freezer I discovered they glow blue; I just cannot always see it. What other things can I not always see? How does ∞ see the world? Does she see more vibrant colors? Does she see all things like the Mimes? I want to see too! I want to see everything like her. I am going to eat one; I am going to accept ∞’s gift.

Monday (Morning)

Woah.

Monday (Week Eight)

Paper, I am sorry it has been so long. I need to fill you in on many details.

I dug into the dry spot; I found the issue. There is a large root underneath—the central area for my “wildflower” patches on section three. It fascinates me. The nearest flower patch is towards the road about fifteen of my paces away, and the next in the center thirty paces. However, many patches in this area are connected and fed by this parasitic root. I have been debating how to proceed for if I remove the root the patches will burn up. In writing this, I have decided it; I will take out the root and rip out the flowers. Practicality over beauty. If I nursed this too long, who knows what problems it could lead to. I will not have my perfect grass ruined.

And, oh, this construction crew. I caused problems with them, I did. They were trying to drive wheels on my grass Monday. I stopped mowing and parked the machine right behind them and watched. They waited and waited for me to move, but I was not going to let them. They did not need to turn around; they could have driven in reverse. They understood my intention eventually. Did I have this much trouble with the construction the last time this occurred?

I cannot remember. I worry sometimes pieces of myself are slipping away without me noticing. At least this follied crew has a manager and even co-workers. Oh, well, that is what paper is for.

Oh, and I took care of the ruts from where those debted jumpers crashed. The grass is already beginning to grow like nothing ever happened. The new road signs also came in. I will put them up tomorrow before I begin weed eating. I may not be able to finish that, but I cannot stand the sight any longer. I have no instruction on what to do with the old ones.

It has been an eventful week. I hate to write such a jarringly long entry. I am just not feeling quite right.

Tuesday

My errand boy boarded the Caravan today, but I have a replacement in mind.

Wednesday

There was little trash today, so, again, I focused on my wildflower issue. I dug more dirt from the root but did not sever it yet. I must, I know. If the flowers burn up, they will be simple to erase, but these particular weeds are so lovely: green and yellow pansies. I will cut them off. Soon.

Saturday

Autumn lives on the other side of the R.V. park.

I stopped him on his way to the path, and asked him for help moving around things in my trailer. I told him I had been preparing to build storage units in the stalls. I said I needed help moving the freezer. 

He said, “Sure, yeah.”

I have made the stalls more distinct from each other. So, that when Autumn is given friends, they cannot get to know each other too well.

I had to gag Autumn when my new errand boy—a child here with his mother—came with our groceries.

I worry Autumn will starve. He will not eat anything I give to him—not even a pear.

Wednesday (Week Nine)

I told a lie. I did not put up the signs Tuesday. I put them up today! I removed the old signs Tuesday but did not have the energy to assemble. I think I will hang the old signs in the trailer for Autumn’s benefit; he seems obsessed with I-∞.

Thursday

I came home upset today: a Jumper put wheels over my garden. My berry bushes destroyed! 

I made sure Autumn ate today. I had to tie up his hands. I found a dozen punches to the head will get him to comply.

I fed him by hand. A beef and cheese sandwich, cranberry juice (self-made), and his first pear.

Friday

I finally cut up the roots. I threw the weeds on drying asphalt.

Saturday

I bathed Autumn today. I put a metal wash tub in the end of the trailer. I do not have much more room for things.

I told him he must take off his clothes, so they may be washed. I had my errand boy buy him more comfortable attire. He fought me. I held his face underwater, and then he did not fight me anymore. I understand his reluctance now.

He has a brand. 

A sort of crown tattooed above his left pec. He is very badly scarred. He must have been shot; there is a hole through his heart.

As I bathed him, I asked him to tell me of his life as a Living.

He remained silent. I held his nose and mouth shut for almost a minute. 

I asked him again to tell me.

He instead said, “I should be gone. Don’t make me keep living.”

I told him he was special; I told him he was better than death.

He said, “What are you? Who are you to not know who I am and still punish me. Who are you that has this right?”

Who am I?

I am sure I told him who and what I am, but at this moment I cannot recall with what I replied.

I bathed him, dressed him, and tied up only his arms and laid him to rest.

I have eaten over a dozen pears now.

Thursday (Week Ten)

It seems like all this writing has manifested trouble. I am doing my best to salvage my berry bushes, but it is shaping up to be a lost cause. Simply smoothing these ruts out has been a pain. I asked my errand boy to buy seeds. Things like this happen. Plants are not for eternity. Still, these bushes served me well. I shall miss them.

Sunday (Week Eleven)

My Autumn is much more compliant; he eats. I have fed him several pears. I must gag him constantly for at night he dreams vividly. I have him tell me of them.

I keep his dreams in a notebook just like I keep the Mimes. Today, he told me something interesting.

He told me, amidst conversation, “Well, I am dreaming of people I’ve never met before. Usually, the brain can’t make up faces.

I have not told him I am designing his dreams yet.

I asked him more about his previous dream. I asked him how well he felt he knew these people.

He said, “Well, with the mom person, uh in the dream it felt like she was my mother like I had known her perfectly my entire life.”

I ate another pear after I left Autumn to rest.

This must be how ∞ creates gods.

Tuesday

I am actually quite fond of the product of the road construction. The team is improving. I think it really is wonderful that I-∞ is maintained so well. No matter how close to the end you are, you should never stop improving. There is not a thing insignificant enough to not be cared for.

Wednesday

Ever since I tore up that root, I am daily finding more dying flowers. I suspected three, maybe four patches, but I have found six. Six places I need reseed. Maybe, I should not have been so hasty.

Thursday

I put Autumn on a leash, and took him for a walk last night; pets are supposed to be on leashes here. The Mimes are very clear to us now. I need to get somebody for Autumn to play with.

Friday

The new berry bushes have taken. It will be some time before they begin fruiting, but I am patient. I have jam still. I brought some to the garden in case a Jumper or Traveller desires it. 

The summer flowers are gone, and so is Forever’s crew.

Saturday

I am on my way to godhood; I can control Autumn’s dreams.

Sunday (Week Twelve)

I forced Autumn asleep for twenty-four hours. I drafted a story. It was a fantasy story in which he could duplicate himself. I prescribed the given circumstances, the characters around him and let him explore fully.

When he awoke, I had to beat his vision out of his mouth. I recorded his words and wrote them verbatim. But for all intents and purposes, he experienced a new life as I commanded it.

I revealed to him what I have done. He went mad for a moment. He tried to run, fight, and hide. I whipped him until he bled.

He rambled out the same sentiments. He said, “My story is over! I can’t do anymore; I should be gone. One life was too much. I can’t—do not make me do anymore!”

I gagged him.

I burnt off the brand his own life gave him and opposed to it carved a new one: my repeat sign.

I told him to quiet down; there was no need for him to tire himself crying and struggling. I said that everyone craves the chance to live again; he should be grateful I chose him.  I told him I would ungag him if he would stop moaning about serving a God.

He seemed complaint, so I ungagged him. He said to me, “you are no God.”

I struck him. If the road construction crew could learn, so can he. I told him I am his god.

“Then of what? What are you? Whose hell am I in?”

I have been worried about my memory. I have been worried that I cannot be as active as I once was. I started writing because I worry why I am still here at I-∞. He asked these things so many times before, and I do not think I ever gave him an answer.

Today, I knew. It is all so clear.

I told him: I am Everything.

[erinelliotc]

"Double D is able to maintain his unreal organized system only because he's set on a daily routine".

YES!!! (I'm going to write a lot, so forgive my bad English).

When I was analyzing Double D and comparing him to me (because I identify deeply with him and personally I believe that an adult version of Double D would be a lot like me), one of the things that came to my mind was: "If I had parents who were never at home and I had the whole house to myself, I would also be able to maintain a very organized system and an established routine just the way I would like, which already happens when my mother travels. But as I live with my mother (who's retired and a bit chaotic) and my routine is constantly disrupted, I'm not able to do that and chaos takes over. I think it's the same with him". (At least I'm able to keep my virtual environment organized. I mean, it's not like my physical environment is a big mess, I still have things in their right place and I always know where they are if no one has moved them, but it could still be better).

I've said before that I headcanon Double D as autistic, and autistic people really need routine, but breaks in our routine are very overwhelming and disturbing. This is my main reason for not having an established routine, because the stress of having my routine constantly broken is worse than having no routine at all. Having a routine would be better for me and my own well-being and would help me function better, of course, and not having a routine is still stressful, but I can't stand it when my routine is broken, so I force myself to not have one as a coping mechanism to survive in a chaotic world.

Double D visibly has a hard time maintaining his rituals and things organized when he's not in a stable place because he's easily affected by things around him, and he's easily affected by the lack of stability and predictability (and he also tends to prioritize others' desires above his own in order to please others and not be a nuisance, as we can see with him, for example, enduring unsanitary situations for his friends), and his summer with Ed and Eddy was very chaotic for him, which messed with his routine and consequently with his head. In Episode "Out with the Old, In with the Ed", Double D's getting ready to go back to school. He checks his supplies, then "The paper clips. I've forgotten the paper clips! Oh, curse those months of unrecommended Summer irrationality!".

In "Cleanliness Is Next to Edness" (I'm not a big fan of this episode, but I think it's still a good example to illustrate what I'm saying), Double D has a big break in his routine: he needs to take a shower and out of nowhere his bathroom disappeared. Now, I know he acts rather stupid in this episode as he could've easily solved the problem by building him a shower, but otherwise there wouldn't have been an episode (just as Eddy says, "What? And ruin the plot?") and I personally think his stupidity is justifiable. Double D's very obsessive about cleanliness, and when he's under a lot of stress, when he becomes very anxious, nervous and scared, he tends to lose the ability to be rational and logical, being led only by his anxiety and fear. Anyway, Double D was shocked by this break in his routine: his parents decided to renovate the bathroom without telling him anything and (probably...? At this point I really can't tell how much they know their own son) knowing how obsessed he is about cleanliness and how much he's affected by changes and disruptions in his routine/rituals, not letting him prepare psychologically for this inconvenience and unforeseen event (not to mention that he enters the bathroom and almost falls from the second floor, like, for heaven's sake??? How can they not warn something like that??). The combo of not being able to take his ritualistic shower + feeling invisible because of his parents not giving a shit and treating him like he didn't exist has affected him deeply. He desperately tries to find a way to get things under control, keep his routine and shower, one of his precious daily rituals (he probably always showers at the same time of day), and the more time passes and the dirtier he gets, the more he loses his mind. When he feels that chaos has taken over and that it'll be impossible to take a shower, he surrenders to the chaos and embraces the dirt to put an end to his stress. As I said, giving up on having a routine and embracing chaos can be less stressful than having your routine broken. I mean, your routine won't be broken if you don't have any routine (stonks).

A small compilation of my very correct eene HCs confirmed by Danny Antonucci himself

[simplyholl]

Across the Multiverse Pt. 1 [Loki x F. Reader]

*This is almost finished, so I will try to post an update at least once a week. I do have a toddler, so no promises. All the hugs to @lokisgoodgirl for reading this and holding my hand through the whole thing. You’re the best!

Summary: Y/N and Loki’s relationship takes an unexpected turn after one of Stark’s parties. When they are sent on a mission to find their multiversal selves, will they realize they should be together? 

Pairing: Avenger Loki x F. Avenger Reader

Warnings: Smut. Minors DNI. 18+ ONLY. Incorrect use of multiverse travel. 

Your best friend Loki always came to your room after he sent his latest conquest packing. He had an endless line of women who couldn’t wait to be the newest notch on his bed post. You had never seen the same woman twice, and he made them leave right after. Then it was the same routine with you. He would make his way next door to your room where you would watch a movie, have snacks, and cuddle.

When you joined the Avengers, you had to do a lot of interviews together. Often paired while training, you two had just clicked. Your friendship had started by giving each other book recommendations, reading together, and eating breakfast after training.  Then came the interview. The one that shot you into best friend status, was one you would never forget. The interviewer incessantly berated Loki for the attack on New York, how some people still viewed him as a villain, and how could we believe he had changed. This was all old news. Loki had been with the team for a while. He had more than proven himself. You could tell the endless questioning was getting to him.

So, you spoke up. “How dare you question his loyalty to us. He has defeated countless enemies to protect this world. He was mind controlled during the attack on New York, so that wasn’t his fault. I trust Loki more than anyone on this team. I’m sure he gets tired of saving people like you, who doubt him daily. But he does it anyway, because he is a great guy.” Loki placed his hand on your thigh and gave you a thankful smile. Ever since that day, Loki got closer to you. He opened up more. He told you about his mother, his childhood being in Thor’s shadow, and his Jotun heritage. He knew you saw right through his cold façade. He trusted you.

“What are you thinking about?” Loki interrupted my wondering mind. I smile lazily at him as I snuggle into his chest. “Just thinking about our friendship.” “I am honored to have you as a friend, Y/N.” Yeah FRIEND, I almost laugh out loud. It’s not that I’m jealous of his harem or anything. I’ve just thought about what would happen if we crossed that line. I have no doubt that it would be mind blowing. He wouldn’t have all these women trying to jump him, if he wasn’t great in bed. My room is also beside his, so I hear everything. It’s kind of sad. I’m stuck in my room with my vibrator, forever single. While he is getting laid every weekend.

Maybe it’s not even him, I’m just horny since it’s been a while right? But he has those long, curly, raven locks that I would love to run my fingers through. The body of a literal god, and oh stop thinking like that! He will never take me to bed. If he did, he would treat me like those other women. He would toss me out on my ass after rendering me speechless. One night of great sex isn’t worth ruining what we have.

~The Next Weekend~

The music is booming over the speakers as I make my way to the bar. If Tony’s parties are good for anything, it’s free alcohol. I glance across the room searching for Loki. Four women surround him. One on each of his arms, the other two trying to get as close as possible. He is putting on a show for them, fireworks dancing in his hands. He catches me staring and winks at me. I turn around smoothing my dress. That’s it! I am not going back to my room alone tonight. I take a shot hoping it will soothe my nerves. I’ve never had a one-night stand before. It’s been too long since I was in a relationship.

I take a deep breath. I can do this. “You look stunning tonight.” Bucky grins checking me out. “Thank you. Hey, do you wanna dance with me?” “Sure thing, doll.” He grabs my hand leading me to the dance floor. A slow song comes on, he pulls my body close to his. His hands rest on my hips, the coolness of his metal arm makes a chill run over me. I rest my head on his broad chest. “Hey Y/N, there’s nothing going on between you and Loki is there?” I laugh at the ridiculous insinuation. “No. Why?” “Because he is looking at me like he is going to kill me.” I glance over at Loki to confirm. Sure enough, he looks really pissed off. “I’m not sure what that’s all about. But I do know it has nothing to do with me. Don’t worry about it.”

The next song plays and I back it up on Bucky in time with the fast beat. I gyrate my hips while his hands roam all over my body. When I turn around Bucky’s lips find mine. His tongue explores my mouth as I pull him closer. I am ready to take him back to my room when I feel a large hand on my shoulder. “Y/N, I need to speak with you.” Loki’s eyes are filled with rage as he takes in the scene before him. “I’m a little busy right now, Lo, can’t it wait?”  

I’m pleading with my eyes signaling that I was trying to get busy with Bucky. Surely, he knows where this was going, that it has been so long for me. He jerks my hand off Bucky, practically dragging me away. “No, it is an urgent matter.” I look back at Bucky and mouth sorry. “What is so important? I was about to get dicked down for the first time in forever by a SUPER SOLDIER, Loki! A super soldier.” I whine. “Just imagine what he can do with that metal hand.” My rant is cut short when Loki slams me against a wall. I peek around his shoulder to find we are in his room. “Loki, what are you doing?” He breathes deeply, eyes conflicted.

“Do you really think he could fuck you better than I could, Y/N?” My heart stops for a second while I realize what he said. “I – um, what?” I stutter, my voice barely recognizable. Loki pushes my hair away from my neck. He places a trail of kisses from my collar bone to my jaw. I’m not sure if I’m breathing. He stops his assault, looking into my eyes intently. “I said do you think he could fuck you better than I could? A super soldier? That is what you desire, love? I am a god. He wouldn’t be able to make you come. I would leave you a whimpering mess, and you would still beg for more.”

He places more kisses to my jawline. “Let me worship you, darling.” He doesn’t have to ask me twice. I nod my approval. “Before we begin, I have two rules you must follow. Number one: do not fall in love. This is the most important of the two. I will never be in love with you, and I do not wish to hurt you. Rule number two: This will only happen this once. I never take Midgardian women to my bed more than that. You lot are too fragile with your feelings. You get attached too easily. The last thing I need is an obsessed woman following after me like a lost dog.” He looks intently into my eyes gauging my reaction.

“I will do whatever you want, Loki. Just please touch me.” His smile turns wolfish as he grabs my face. His lips crashing into mine. When we part, he lifts my dress up. I watch as he peppers kisses on my thighs. He places a kiss to the front of my soaking panties before sliding them down my knees. He tosses them over his shoulder. I cry out in surprise as he lifts me up against the wall. He laughs wickedly as he bunches my dress around my waist.

“I lie awake at night imagining this, Y/N. Wondering how you would taste, what sounds you would make as I brought you pleasure.” “Loki, please?” I beg him gripping his hair trying to pull him closer. He wastes no time. He licks a stripe up my center before suckling my clit. His name a prayer on my lips. I pull on his silky curls as he moans against me. “Tastes so good.” He devours me while pleasure hums low in my stomach. “More, Loki.” He pushes me harder against the wall. I hold onto those glorious, muscled arms. He eats me like a man starved, and I am more than willing to be his feast. “Loki, I’m c... oh God, Loki!” I come down from my high. He places a gentle kiss to my thigh as he sets me down. My legs are so wobbly. I don’t think I can stand on my own. I reach for him to support myself. But he swiftly picks me up placing me on his bed.

He waves his hand and my dress disappears along with his clothes. I can’t help but stare at him. I don’t have long to take in his beauty before he climbs on top of me. He sinks into me completely claiming me. With his moaning against my neck and experienced fingers circling my clit, it doesn’t take long before I am coming undone again. Loki follows close behind. He lays his head on his silky forest green pillows smiling at me.

I don’t think I can handle my best friend throwing me out of his room. So, I stand up covering myself with my hands. I walk over to my clothes long forgotten in the floor. Loki sits up as I start putting my now wrinkled dress back on. “Y/N, what are you doing?” “I was going to go back to my room to shower and give you some space. I know you don’t like women staying over.” His face holds a look of concern while he considers my words.

“I have a bath drawn for you if you wish to stay.” He takes my hand leading me to his bathroom. I step into the warm bath, getting used to the water. Loki climbs in as well. “I thought you said this bath was for me?” I tease.  “I could not leave a beautiful lady to clean herself after I have so thoroughly ruined her.” He smiles while lathering soap on the soft cloth. He pulls me closer starting to wash my arms. When he gets to my breasts, he ditches the cloth using his hands to apply the soap. I moan as he pinches my nipples.

He continues massaging me, working his way lower. I squeak in surprise as he slips one long finger inside me, then another. He laughs mischievously. I lay my head on his porcelain shoulder grasping onto him as I come undone for the third time. When I can think clearly, my eyes find his. “I thought you said we were only going to do this once?” He scans my face, lowering my body onto his. As he sinks into me, he whispers, “Once is not enough.”

Part Two

Tags

@lokisgoodgirl @sarahscribbles

[mysticalrambling]

Broken Promises Part 3(H.S)

Part 1, Part 2

My Main Masterlist is here.

Harry Styles Masterlist is here.

Summary: You and Harry get into a heated argument regarding the past and you instantly regret the words you spoke out of anger. 

Warnings: angst

._._._._.

The last few days have been a little out of the norm for you. Before, it had just been you and your daughter; it was easy, you were used to it. Harry hadn’t been a part of your life for the past two years and suddenly, seeing him on a daily basis made you realise that you didn’t ever get closure. The feelings for him never really went away but instead, got buried beneath the deep trenches in your heart. Now, that once closed door was being pushed open again and you just know, that all the emotions will take control and overpower you. Loving Harry Styles was never intended to be easy, for loving him meant surrendering all self control. 

Your brain, while rational, was simply not in dictatorship of your actions, rather your foolish heart was.

Harry has been trying his best to retire himself to a mundane routine but it was proving to be difficult. After the divorce, Harry had kept himself busy with several projects so he didn’t have to come back to an empty house. It was merely a cruel reminder of what he used to have. A reminder of what he lost. A reminder of what he ruined. Sure, he missed out on moments with Sophia but he couldn’t change that. He was trying now. 

Spending the last week at your house was a little weird because whenever Sophia was down for a nap, you both tip toed around each other. Except for a few awkward sentences and some quiet glances, you both avoided each other. It mostly ended with Harry leaving to steer clear of the whole situation. 

“This li’l devil needs t’go down for a nap before we g’to the park.” Sighing frustratedly, you tried to pick up the cranky baby from her play mat.

“Why didn’t she ‘ave her nap at her regular time?”

You didn’t mean to snap at him but when you are kept up all night with a cranky toddler and in an attempt to finish a work project that was stuck midway, you tend to take everything the wrong way. “Maybe because she didn’t want to and I can’t just force her.” 

“Whoa. Where’s this comin’ from?”

“I’m- I’m sorry. It’s just that she won’t g’to sleep without you and it’s very frustratin’.”

“Who’s fault Is tha’?”

Clutching the roots of your hair, you tugged on them with genuine frustration. “I can’t believe y’right now.”

“(Y/N), I didn’t-“

“Save it! Y’can put her to bed without me.” You barged out of the house and went to sit on the swing set in the backyard. If you would have stayed in there any longer, you would have bashed your annoying ex husband’s face in the wall. You already had to take care of one child, you didn’t need another one. Him blaming the divorce entirely on you just proved that you had done the right thing.

Harry instantly felt regret creeping up on him and his first instinct was to follow you but he didn’t. He had no right to speak to you like that but he couldn’t hold back. You were telling him that his daughter missed him and that she couldn’t sleep the whole night. He was being left out and there was nothing he could do about it. Helplessness wasn’t an emotion he felt on a normal basis so he took it all out on you. Instead of talking to you and sorting it all out, he let his emotions get the better of him. The comment was completely uncalled for and he knew he had to make up for it.

“Daddy!” A pacifier hitting the back of his head stopped him in his tracks. All of this would have to wait because Sophia Styles was getting cranky and she needed a nap. 

“W’don’t throw things at people. It’s bad manners, pet.” He used a soothing tone to get his point across but the little miss was having none of it. Instead of mumbling a ‘sorry’ and nuzzling her face into his neck like she usually did after a scolding, she started tugging on his hair with hot, red tears streaming down her face. “Ow! Stop, you’re hurtin’ daddy!” 

“No! Bad!”

He finally freed himself from the toddler’s death grip and held her at an arm’s length. Damn, she really was a mini replica of you. Her looks might resemble Harry but in terms of her attitude, it was all you. Although, you might kill him for even thinking about it. 

“Y’need to go on the steps for two minutes. Y’hurt daddy and that’s absolutely unacceptable.”

Harry’s heart was breaking into pieces when Sophia stomped her feet on the hardwood floor as he plopped her down on the last step. Loud wails escaped her puffy lips as she fixed him with a death glare. If looks could kill, Harry would be six feet under. His willpower crumbled a little every time a tear escaped her delicate eyes but she needed to learn. You both had agreed on this punishment for whenever she did something wrong because you didn’t want to raise a spoiled brat.

As soon as the alarm rang, Harry knelt down in front of her and made her look him in the eye. “W’don’t hit people when we’re angry, pet. This isn’t a way t’express your feelings. Do y’understand daddy?”

Harry doubted she understood half of the things he said but they had to instill these things in her from a young age. In a way, he was glad that you weren’t here because he had an opportunity to be a parent to Sophia as well. 

Sniffling, she extended her hands towards him and well, Harry knew he could never deny her anything. This little girl owned half of his heart and her mother owned the rest of it (even though he couldn’t admit it in the open).

Getting her to sleep without her mother was a Herculean task but Harry managed. He knew bringing her with sweets was a wrong thing to do but he needed to talk to you and well, Harry was never a patient man.

“Can w’please talk?” Sliding the glass door, he found you sitting on the porch swing with your legs tucked underneath you. It was getting a little chilly but you were too stubborn to go inside even though it was your house. 

“I don’t have anythin’ to say t’you.”

“Please, I want t’apologise. I don’t know what took over me. ‘m sorry, love”

“How can y’blame it all on me?” This is the only thing that has been on your mind for the past hour. His comments were unfair and totally uncalled for. 

“I- I don’t blame you but maybe we could’ve worked it out.”

You looked at him in disbelief because he was being ridiculous right now. “We could’ve worked it out? Worked it out? Were we in the same relationship?”

“(Y/N), I just meant tha’ you rushed into t’divorce. M’tour was about to finish and I would’ve come back t’you.”

“We weren’t happy, Harry. It wasn’t just the tour, it was everything. Y’stopped making me your priority and giving me time. Instead of coming back t’me when you were free, you decided to spend time with y’friends. Taking on projects without even discussing it with me had become your thing. For god’s sake, I got t’know about Pleasing through Sarah and not you. It wasn’t working out.”

Harry knew that you were making valid points but he couldn’t bear to think that it was all his fault. That he was the one who ruined everything. Instead of owning up to his mistakes, he started getting angry. Why was he to be blamed for everything? You could’ve given him a chance to rectify his mistakes but you didn’t want to listen to anyone. You didn’t give him another chance. You all could’ve been a happy family right now and he didn’t have to go to an empty house every night.

“Y’didn’t want it to work out! You could’ve told me where I was goin’ wrong and I would’ve paid attention t’it. None of it matters if you aren’t there with me and I would’ve left it all in a heartbeat. Admit it, you didn’t want it t’work out.”

Slightly taken aback from his outburst, you took a few seconds to gather yourself. “I didn’t want it to work out? I was the one who travelled across t’world to just be with you. You were the one who didn’t even come back to the hotel room when I was there.”

“I was busy with rehearsals. I have t’work with the schedule t’management gives me.”

“Of course, the management! They were the ones who had control over us. Y’let them take control of everything.”

“I ‘ave a fuckin’ contract. Can’t just go against ‘em. Y’didn’t even tell me you were pregnant even though you knew. You knew before the divorce. You knew before everything went down. We could’ve worked it out. We could’ve been a family, for god’s sake.”

The veins on his neck looked like they were about to burst but you weren’t going to back down today. You weren’t going to be intimidated by him, not today. “I didn’t tell y’because you would’ve wanted to stay married. We both weren’t happy and I didn’t want t’stay in a relationship where I wasn’t wanted.”

“All relationships need work, (Y/N)! I can’t be with m’daughter every single day because of you.”

Tears were brimming in both your eyes and you both didn’t care that your screaming match could wake up Sophia. “I couldn’t be with you! Y’were suffocatin’ me!” 

The tension in the room could have been sliced with a knife or maybe that knife could’ve stabbed you so you couldn’t have this dreadful conversation. Harry didn’t want to admit it but your words hurt him deeply. He was suffocating you? He drove you away and now he had nothing. It was all his fault.

“If m’presence is too suffocating then I better leave. Going t’take Sophia with me because this is m’day to have her.”

“Harry-“

“I can’t- I can’t talk to y’right now.” 

He trailed up to the nursery and took Sophia out of her crib. She was still deep in sleep so she didn’t stir a bit. Her diaper bag was already packed for the day out in the park but there were going to be slight changes. He couldn’t pretend to be civil with you today and it was better if he just left. 

You came to the garage and stood awkwardly by the entrance as your ex husband carefully strapped the baby in the car seat. “So I’ll pick her up tomorrow morning?”

“Fine.”

“Harry, I-“

“Save it!” 

The whole day you kept thinking about your heated conversation and how you could’ve handled the situation a little better. You did hurt his feelings but you just wanted him to feel how you felt when he blamed everything on you. This wasn’t the type of closure that you needed and you knew you had to make it up to him. You would get up early in the morning and bake him some croissants because he really loved your baking. You were determined to make this work because you had to co parent and this was not fair to your daughter.

Getting up early wasn’t a problem for you because you didn’t get much sleep all night. You were out of the house as soon as the croissants were ready so they were still hot when you got to Harry’s house. You called him through bluetooth when you were ten minutes away. “H, I’m on m’way. Please get Sophia ready and I’m really sorry about yesterday.” The roads were a little slippery today because of the rain but thankfully there wasn’t much traffic on the streets today. While sipping on the coffee, you waited till the light turned green.

“She’ll b’ready. I know how t’be a parent” 

You sighed at his curt reply because you knew you had a lot more work to put in this than some croissants. “I didn’t meant it that way, H.”

The light turned green and you started to make your way down the road. “Y’ don’t mean-“ A loud crash interrupted his rant and the line suddenly went dead. 

“Hello? (Y/N)? (Y/N)?”

._._._._.

A/N: Hi lovies!! Here’s part three for the series, “Broken Promises” and I can’t wait for your thoughts and comments on this piece. A special ‘thank you’ to @peculiarpenman​ and @pettinesspersonified​ for helping me with the ideas and editing. I love you both!! Please send in general comments or things you want to talk about.I am open to suggestions and I’m here to chat. Love y’all!!

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