#my top song was A Criminal Mind with an entire 6 plays

[explodingsilver]

Just checked and I'm genuinely shocked to learn that I actually used Spotify enough this year to have a Spotify Wrapped. The results?

Oops! All CanCon

[schismusic]

THE DISCOGRAPHY PRINCIPLE, Episode 2: Shellac - or, The Song Remains the Same

The discography principle may be defined as an objective way to determine whether or not you're worthy of calling a band or artist "your favorite" or "one of your favorites". A possible enunciation of it goes as follows:

"Let u ≝ some asshole, B ≝ {b|b is a band}, n ≝ #({x|x is a record by b}); let p = #({y|y is a record by b in u's possession}) = p1 + p2 wherein p1 ≝ number of physical records by b you own in any format and p2 ≝ number of records by b you have downloaded. If p ≥ n ∨ p2 = n (for n → +∞), then ∃b∈B such that b is one of u's favorite bands."

When u = me, this subset of B (which we might call Bf) is comprised of six bands, off the top of my head: Autechre, Godflesh, Shellac, Kraftwerk, Fugazi and Coil, listed in no particular order.

If you want to read the prologue to this series, go here. Otherwise, let's get going.

My first year of high school was a year of exploration. Coming out of high school having exclusively listened to Pink Floyd's entire recorded output (it wasn't yet time to do anything more esoteric and perverted with record, like asking them questions, using them as spaces to be mapped out, springing poetry pieces off of them as if they were trampolines; all of that is stuff that comes the more expert you get at using records and the less respectful of them you become, which isn't necessarily a net negative) I then set out to find out more about the history of rock, sailing all alone. I'm not one of those people who get their passion for music from a relative or their parents, music was my thing and my thing only — that is, mine and the Internet's, because that's what you do in 2013 after all — you hear a name off of somewhere, you look it up on Wikipedia — the page in question usually has citation problems, provided it exists at all — and it becomes your personality for a while.

It went like this with the Mars Volta for me, my next Pink Floyd-level obsession, which consumed my conscious mind for about a full year. In the meantime I went along, getting into Nine Inch Nails (my first paid gig, on the Hesitation Marks tour; it was June 3rd, 2014) and Slint, slowly but steadily going through OndaRock's cute little "milestones" section. I never actually did go through it all the way, even though the records it includes maybe oughta be checked out at one point, but it did spark in me a form of interest in stuff that I normally wouldn't have cared for at that time. One of the names that came out of this was Shellac, a band I frankly checked out exclusively because the OndaRock page for them mentioned physics and odd time signatures. There comes a time in a music listener's journey where playing in five or in seven is simply the most big brained thing you could possibly do, especially if you're a guy who grew up on King Crimson and who thought the fact that Money by Pink Floyd is in 7/8 was hot shit — conveniently ignoring the very fortuitous slide into 6/8 right as David Gilmour is about to start his solo…

So as My Black Ass started I was on board, my own white ass absolutely floored. I was on board the exact second the pick first hit the strings (I was later to find out Steve Albini uses exclusively copper picks and aluminum-neck guitars) and that absolutely fucked-in-the-head sound that these three guys have found a way to conjure. It's a sinewy sound, something that really requires a maximum of four different elements to obtain, and as such has a slew of imitators that never really fit the bill. What we have of Shellac (at least officially) are seven LPs, one of which recorded live and another one limited to a release of 779 copies, three EPs, one or two singles and compilation tracks, and two Peel Sessions — one of which made when the actual John Peel had already been six feet under for about a month. Critically, John Peel as sound engineer (criminally underrated) is probably the only person who could have made justice to Shellac's sound, to a point where some of these songs featured on the 1994 Peel Session might be at their absolute best there.

At Action Park, finally, was a rock record that required of me a form of thought that went beyond simply learning the riffs and calling it a day; more importantly, it was a record whose riffs I could learn. Slint weren't as easy to me (at the time still relatively inexperienced), nor did they feel as genuinely dangerous — and Steve Albini's previous recorded output was absolutely critical in conveying that sense of forbidden. Honestly, if your first band makes songs about all sorts of horrifying violence and your second band is called — ahem — Rapeman, in reference to a Japanese erotic manga, what the fuck can I tell you? Of course everything you lay your hands upon becomes imbued with an air of deep distaste and transgression and genuine fear. Song of the Minerals is the first time I realized that there are people in the world who simply don't care about other people getting hurt and treating themselves so badly they die from it. Il Porno Star is a song that so openly and directly describes the life of somebody involved in the sex industry that it finally, for the first time, made sex workers look and feel real to me, giving them a backstory of sorts. At the same time, Pull the Cup sounded positively lobotomized, and A Minute felt so enraged for no reason at all that it made a lasting impression: anger was liberating, or in John Lydon's words anger was an energy. And best of all — I could play those songs from start to finish. Some dude, his name was Claudio, had made a webpage on the Tiscali provider which he had kept updated up until about the year 2000 and where he collected a number of guitar tabs contributed by various people. The page, amazingly, can still be found online here (as of Feb 20, 2024) and most of the tabs are still accessible.

Surprisingly enough, it didn't take me long before I moved along to Shellac's other records; I was lucky enough to find a copy of Dude Incredible in a store back when it was first released and then a copy of 1000 Hurts at a record fair (both CD only at the time). Those two and At Action Park remain the two Shellac records I've spent the most time with to this day, and again it was very interesting getting to see this band attempt to find a way to move past that absolutely stellar debut and never really doing that, but still writing some very worthwhile songs and albums in the meantime. Upon listening to Dude Incredible it felt like the most complete summa of the band's work, and that was my favourite Shellac record for a while — it probably still is, for different, more sentimental reasons — but in retrospect that wasn't the case at all. Shellac's body of work is pretty interesting in that the single records always feel achingly incomplete once you get to know the rest of their work, but at the same time — as far as the songs they include go — all records include nothing but the very best the band could have put forward at that particular time. When I feel like listening to Shellac again I am, for time reasons, forced to go record by record, especially because it's a very logical way of going through it (see my piece on Autechre), but unlike Autechre you have this thing where all records sort of blur into one another. It surprises many people to know that Steve Albini's dream band to work with is AC/DC. As an avid Shellac listener, it puzzles me that anyone would think otherwise.

At a certain point I stopped feeling that playful horror-movie disgust that Shellac's lyrics kinda toy with and started marvelling at just how insanely sexist some of their stuff is. Obviously, this is the kind of stuff you think of when you're sixteen and devoid of any capability to process parody and irony. I like to posture myself as though I was "in the know", as though Steve Albini's mastermind plan was to kind of lure people into thinking he was a piece of shit, but at the same time it was very easy — scarily so — to get into Prayer to God's protagonist's point of view when he sings the lyrics to the song. In time, I kind of grew to alternately despise it and try to pretend it was being somewhat parodic, until I re-listened to the song and re-read the lyrics and holy shit: it actually was parody all along. Who the fuck sings a song like that and says "make him cry like a woman — no particular woman"? It was that perfect point where the game was revealed all along: the song's protagonist likes to pretend he's a decent person, that he "respects women", but deeply ingrained within him (and fundamentally at odds with what he says he believes in) there remains a profoundly predatorial, territorial and ultimately violent view of romance and sexuality. And all was well once more. It became even better once Steve Albini decided, after the pandemic, to stop posturing as the victim and finally talk about all the stupid bullshit he did and said over the years, to distance himself from all people who ended up essentially embracing right-wing talking points for no reason other than to, supposedly, own the libs. Interviewed by The Guardian, he said something to the effect of "if the stupidest person in the room agrees with you, it's time to ask yourself some questions".

So after a whole year of preparations, in May 2015 Shellac hit Italy and played Catania, Rome and Bologna together with Uzeda — another great band full of great people. I went there with my then-girlfriend, C., and we proceeded to creep the shit out of all the people in the queue when she mentioned she knew how to skin a hare and I asked her to explain how to do that. Fun times were had. Anyway, I knew rationally that there were three people in Shellac (Steve Albini, velocity; Bob Weston, mass; Todd Trainer, time) but until I was there it didn't really hit me. To me, Shellac was the third Steve Albini project, after Big Black and that other band. Then all of a sudden they take the stage, after Uzeda finished up their absolutely blistering hot set which I barely remember at all (despite really enjoying it), and it was bloody fucking murder. I only have a very vague recollection of what happened during the set; bits and pieces, really — me jumping like two meters into the air when the main riff for Dude Incredible hit, the ten-minute spoken word short story that Steve Albini improvises during the silent break in Wingwalker, the little bit called The Defenders of Fun (actually named Killers, and you can find a studio version of it here) they do before that same song, the impromptu Joy Division references during The End of Radio. But the best, most memorable parts of the concert were the very beginning and the very end.

When the gig was about to start, Bob Weston came out of the backstage area and you better believe I straight up jumped him right then and there. It is simply impossible to understate just how much my respect for Bob Weston went up that night. This motherfucker, no joke, stood around and hugged me like he was my long-lost father, we talked for a full twenty minutes and after that he told me "now I'm sorry, but I have to go" and I told him "oh sorry, are you still unloading the last things?" and he very calmly replied "I have to take a shit". Which meant that this dude stayed behind for me and delayed a whole ass toilet trip for twenty! fucking! minutes! to talk to a hyperactive, boundary-overstepping fifteen-year-old who had potentially absolutely nothing worthwhile to say. But this was nothing. When the show ended (the last song they played was The End of Radio, they dragged it out for like a full ten minutes while Steve Albini rambled on for the entire duration of the track — possibly one of the band's best set of lyrics, regardless of the absolutely buttfuck insane improvised bits that were thrown in on that particular night) the last note ringed out for like five full seconds. The sheer sustain these aluminum-neck instruments put out is scary. Then Bob Weston specifically looked at me, I was standing right under the stage in front of him, and handed me his pick. To this day I still keep it within the Dude Incredible CD case, which all three Shellac have signed. To get that signature I pissed off poor Todd Trainer, who really just wanted to get his drum kit off of the stage (Todd, if you're reading this: I'm so sorry. I did not know any better and if that weren't enough I was in a massive rush. If we ever meet again, drink's on me). But another thing I will never forget about that night was their interplay. The perfect, and I hate using this kind of superlatives but there really is no other word for it, absolutely perfect way that they locked into one another and the natural flow of song bits and parts and even just the physical nature of the sound itself. These songs are not as simple as they sound, which was life-altering to me as a musician and as a person.

So apparently Shellac have been teasing a new record for about a year. Sometimes they upload snippets of the vinyl master copy playing, some other times it's small clips from the pressing plant, other times they just play three or four of the songs live, as they have for the past four years or so. Hadn't it been for the pandemic, I think, they would have gotten the record done in time for 2021 — seven years since Dude Incredible, their last studio album. Lately (i.e. since 1000 Hurts) Shellac have released records at a very sluggish pace; some might think it's a matter of ideas slowly running to an end, I for one it's a matter of songwriting quality. Chick New Wave I didn't really like at the time, but I hear they got a couple new ones that they've played to an audience — the titles are The Girl from Outside and the spectacularly-named I Don't Fear Hell and you can hear them one after the other here. And everytime a Shellac record releases, ooh boy, it's a party: these guys' passion project is, very simply, a labor of passion; it actively refuses to play by the market's rules and everytime it's just eight or nine songs that the band felt were strong enough to release. Who cares if people on websites think that it's repetitive and more of the same and cookie-cutter, and anyway almost no one does. We as Shellac enjoyers appreciate that this is just something these three guys do for fun, and if a record comes out of it then all the better for us. Plus, it's new songs for live shows, and that's where the real substance is at. So, let's hope the record comes out soon, and they visit Italy again. I know for a fact I'll be there. Now Todd, about that beer I owed ya…

[nitewrighter]

Hey :) i kinda miss your prefall Gency fic... Do you think you can write some more ? Take care ♥

I’m still thinking about the canonical existence of Overwatch Propaganda Cartoons that we saw in that preview of Hero of Numbani.

...can you tell I watched old GI Joe opening theme songs specifically for this fic?

Also credit goes to @apocryphist for coming up with “underhand” which really should be the only name for villains in the Overwatch universe.

-----

Genji drummed his fingers on the conference room table as he rested his chin in his other hand. Mercy sat to his left, nonchalantly tapping out some correspondence on her tablet as they waited. On his other side, Tracer was bouncing her knee with her fingers interlaced on the table in front of her, doing her best to at least put forward the semblance of a strike team leader despite her fidgeting. Winston sat stiffly next to her, apparently trying to scroll through lab results on his own tablet but clearly too nervous to stay focused. It was a bright and slightly breezy afternoon in Zurich, and normally Genji would have been gracefully slashing his way through the training grounds at this time, but instead they were all here.

“I can’t stand it when they don’t say what the meetings are about,” mumbled Winston. 

“It’s probably a top secret mission!” said Tracer.

“’Secret?’” said Winston, sounding even more nervous, “I’m... I’m not exactly good at ‘secret.’”

“Is it unrealistic to hope we got more intel from Doomfist?” said Genji, glancing at Mercy.

“I wish,” huffed Mercy, “But from what debriefings I could get my hands on, he hasn’t given us anything useful.”

“How is that possible?” said Genji, “After all the internal damage he did to Talon’s internal power structure, shouldn’t they be scrambling without him? Shouldn’t there be a power vacuum?”

“I don’t know any more than you do...” said Winston, readjusting his glasses. 

“Honestly I thought you’d know more about it, what with the Blackwatch stuff,” said Tracer.

“Still benched,” said Genji, folding his arms.

“Officially,” said Mercy with a slight side-eye.

Genji gave her an amused “Hmph,” before saying, “Either way, Reyes pushed me out of the loop now that I’m on your strike team... not that I paid that much attention to the loop befo---”

The door opened and everyone perked up at the sight of Jack Morrison and Sojourn walking into the room. Jack seemed uneasy, but honestly Mercy couldn’t really recall the last time he seemed at ease.

“Okay, before we start, I want all of you to keep an open mind with this,” he said, looking across all of them.

“...Very encouraging, Strike Commander,” said Sojourn, with slightly sardonic amusement. She put her hands on her hips and turned to face Tracer’s strike team, “As you all know, when you’re recruited into Overwatch, you sign a waiver allowing us to use your image in... all sorts of stuff. Press releases, scientific publications, training videos for new recruits---”

“Posters,” said Mercy, already skeptical.

“Posters, too,” said Sojourn with a smile, “However, back during Omnic Crisis Reconstruction, we were using the images of heroes for a lot more.”

“Heroes?” Genji repeated quietly as Sojourn produced a remote control from the pocket of her jacket and hit a button. The venetian blinds tilted to shut out the sunlight and the lights of the room dimmed as the wallscreen lit up behind Sojourn. The screen lit up in bright colors and red and yellow explosions as a trumpeting fanfare started playing. Tracer’s face lit up as a young cartoon version of Jack Morrison appeared on the screen, pumping his fist in the air. 

“The world needs heroes!” said the cartoon Jack Morrison, “Are you with us?” 

Genji glanced at Jack who was very clearly cringing at his cartoon self.

“Oh yes!” said Tracer, her eyes bright, “It’s been years since I’ve watched this! You guys know the song, right?” she said looking at her teammates, “..No?”

The theme song was already playing, and Tracer was singing along with it eagerly.

There’s no need to fear

Overwatch is here!

Saving all we hold dear!

Mercy made a ‘I really hope this meeting isn’t going the way I think it’s going,’ face at Genji and Genji suppressed a chuckle, but Tracer seemed absolutely thrilled and even Winston was humming along with the theme song. The theme song kept playing and even introduced different members of the old Overwatch Strike team. One of the animators clearly had fun lavishing a lot of attention on Ana Amari’s hair whipping around from the force of an explosion behind her. A still-blonde cartoon Reinhardt brawled fist-to-fist with some kind of black and neon green robot. Cartoon Morrison jumped a motorcycle off of an aircraft carrier with cartoon Reyes wielding a missile launcher in the sidecar. Torbjörn and Liao were working side by side in a lab before the camera panned out to reveal they were in a bright blue tank-like vehicle Genji safely assumed was entirely made up to sell toys, firing off RPG’s with even more explosions. Sojourn chuckled watching her cartoon self fire two submachine guns at black and neon green helicopters while parachuting out of an exploding jet. There was, all in all, a frankly ridiculous amount of explosions. It finally ended with one last massive explosion and fanfare and cartoon versions of Sojourn and the entire original strike team all pumping their fists in the air with Morrison in the center. 

Sojourn hit another button on her remote, the wall screen blipped off, the venetian blinds opened and the lights came on, leaving everyone sitting at the conference table blankly.

“Ahh! Still just as good as when I was a kid!” said Tracer, excitedly.

“Now, I know what you’re going to say--” Morrison started.

“Propaganda,” said Mercy, “You want to put us in propaganda.”

“You’re already in propaganda,” said Sojourn, flatly.

“This is propaganda aimed at children!” said Mercy.

“Do you know how young Talon is recruiting?” said Sojourn.

“That doesn’t mean we should stoop to their level!” said Mercy.

“Wars aren’t just won by strategy and firepower, they’re also won by ideology, by public support,” Winston suggested.

Mercy remembered something Moira said and it sent a shiver down her spine. 

The true struggle is for the superiority of ideas.

“Thank you, Winston,” said Jack, “It’s not necessarily about convincing them to join, it’s about convincing people that we have their best interests in mind. Which...” Jack gestured, “We do.”

“Those bad guys didn’t look like Talon,” said Genji.

“Oh, it wasn’t Talon!” said Tracer excitedly, before dropping into a dramatic narrator voice, “Underhand is a Ruthless Criminal Organization determined to rule the world!”

“Uh--Underhand?” said Winston. Jack said nothing but somehow managed to look more dead inside.

“...Overwatch and Underhand...” Mercy repeated incredulously.

“So--we’re going to be in a cartoon?” said Genji. For some reason, his armor seemed to feel tighter, pinching, constricting around him.

“Well, we did some polling after the Doomfist fight and ran some algorithms through a handful of popular forums and social media,” Sojourn explained, “It turns out you’re all very popular with the younger crowd. Winston and Tracer pull the biggest numbers, but you, Genji, are incredibly popular with boys aged 6 to 14.”

“I...I am?” said Genji.

“Shining armor,” said Mercy, smiling at him, and steam vented from his shoulders.

“And Mercy has a death-grip on the ‘Girls aged 3 to 11′ demographic,” said Sojourn.

“So... more girls are getting into STEM?” said Mercy.

“I’m.. not sure about that, but they seem to really like the fact that you’re pretty and you can fly,” said Sojourn, flipping through the report on her own tablet. 

Mercy’s face dropped and she shook her head. She pursed her lips and thought for a few moments. “I’m not sure about this...”

“If we’re all over the news already, it could help to put stuff out there that gives us more control over our image,” said Winston, he scratched the side of his head, “It... would be nice to show people I’m more than just a gorilla...”

“Genji?” said Mercy, looking over at him. Genji was running his thumb over the knuckles of his prosthetic hand and he seemed to snap out of some particularly stressful train of thought.

“Oh...um... well... it would give you a chance to talk more about Overwatch as a peacekeeping organization?” said Genji, “And if you’re talking about it to children...” 

“They might be less inclined to carry on the conflicts of previous generations!” said Mercy, her eyes brightening.

“Like we said, ideologies,” said Jack.

Mercy inhaled thoughtfully. “If--if we’re going to do this, I want my likeness used responsibly. I don’t want to advocate for violence in any form.”

“...yeah I figured you’d say that,” said Jack.

“And, even if we’re going through fictional conflicts, I don’t want it... glamorized and sensationalized like the old cartoon. We don’t need all those explosions---”

“You did pull Genji out of that explosion a few weeks ago though,” said Tracer.

“Well that’s different--! That’s--!” Mercy huffed, “I think we should push more of Overwatch’s scientific and humanitarian efforts. Show that making the world a better place is more complicated than just.. shooting at bad guys.”

“We could have a science corner!” Winston chimed in, “’Winston’s Science Corner!’”

“Ooh! And maybe I should say something about friendship and teamwork at the end!” said Tracer.

Genji was shrinking a little where he was sitting, unconsciously sliding his wrist plate back and forth.

“What do you think? Edu-tainment?” said Sojourn, glancing back at Jack.

“Could go over easier than a purely fictionalized narrative,” murmured Jack.

“Aw, I wanna fight Underhand, though!” said Tracer.

“Well in any case, you can expect more correspondence from our PR department as we move forward in this project,” said Sojourn. 

“You might not be fighting Talon in some far-flung corner of the world, but make no mistake: this is an important part of the fight,” said Jack.

“And who knows,” said Sojourn as an assistant hurried in with a cardboard box and set it on the conference table, “You could end up some kid’s best friend.”

Tracer and her strike team all stood up from their seats to look into the box.

“Oh commander...!” Tracer looked about to burst with excitement as she reached into the box and pulled out an action figure of herself, “I love it!” She turned over the action figure in her hands and saw a button on the back. She pressed it.

“Cheers love! The Cavalry’s here!” said the Tracer action figure.

“That’s my line!” said Tracer, delighted.

“It’s quite a stunning likeness,” said Winston, taking his own action figure out of the box. He pressed a button on the back of his action figure. 

“Primal Punch!” declared the Winston action figure and Winston chuckled.

Mercy took both the Genji and the Mercy action figures out of the box and chuckled a little. 

“Yours is so pretty, Doc! They even got the wings!” said Tracer as Mercy fiddled around with the action figure’s wings.

“Yes, ‘pretty and flies’ indeed.’ I might be more inclined if she comes with a lab coat accessory,” said Mercy, giving a skeptical glance to her action figure’s bust size. She pressed a button between her action figure’s wings and scoffed a little as the action figure said, “Heroes never die!” 

She held Genji’s action figure out to him and he hesitantly took it. “What do you think?”

Genji turned the action figure over in his hand and looked at the button on the back. He pressed it, but the figure said nothing.

“Oh we um... didn’t really have a ‘catchphrase’ for you yet,” said Sojourn as Genji gingerly ran the finger of his prosthetic hand up the blade of the action figure’s sword clasped in his little plastic hand, “We were hoping you could put in a word for it. These are just mock-ups, really.” 

You’re incredibly popular with boys age 6 to 14...

Genji moved the arm of the action figure up and down, the figure striking downward with its sword, and he thought of young boys playing with this miniature him. Running with the action figure clutched in little hands with white knuckles, playing out battles, having the action figure swing its sword at all those foes, imitating his own swordsmanship, fighting their brothers with sticks, punching each other, kicking each other---

“No,” Genji said on reflex.

“What?” said Sojourn, glancing up from Tracer chattering about her own action figure.

“I--I said no. I shouldn’t have an action figure. I shouldn’t be in the show,” said Genji. His voice was tight.

“Genji...” Mercy started.

“...is it about how you look?” said Sojourn, “Because Genji, I can tell you, seeing people like us on the screen means the world to kids with prosthetics---”

“No--” Genji was stammering, “It’s not about that, it’s--”

“Genji, you’re a part of the team,” Tracer tried to reassure him, “It wouldn’t be the same without you--”

“Children shouldn’t want to be like me!” Genji blurted out, and there was a small plasticky snap. Genji glanced down and saw that he had unthinkingly broken the arm off of his own action figure. The entire room had gone silent, staring at him. He set both the action figure and its broken-off arm on the table and exhaled. “I’m-- I need to think about it,” he said, pushing up from the table and walking briskly out of the room.

“Genji, wait--” said Mercy, standing up. Her eyes flicked to the broken Genji action figure on the table and she picked it up, tucking both the figure and the broken off arm in the pocket of her lab coat. The door slid shut behind Genji but she quickly walked after him, leaving Morrison, Sojourn, Tracer, and Winston alone in the room. A long quiet pause passed between the four of them.

“Maybe just web shorts?” said Winston, “Just.. um... just the science corner?”

“Winston--” Tracer huffed.

“Right--sorry,” said Winston.

“...well, they did keep an open mind,” said Jack, “Mostly.”

“Don’t make me break out your action figure, Jack,” said Sojourn.

----

It was a known fact that if you broke visual contact on Genji, you had a pretty low probability of finding him again unless he wanted to be found. Still Mercy spent more of the remainder of the afternoon looking for him than she was readily willing to admit. The fact that he was able to disappear from the hallway that quickly made her assume he had taken the window (very mature, by the way, Genji, she thought with an eye roll) but she checked all of his usual spots and even went to his room before finally huffing and returning to her lab.

It was about 11 at night when the door slid open.

“Genji, we’re beholden to the UN. I know that was an uncomfortable situation, but... there are still protocols,” said Mercy, not even looking up from her screen.

“I know,” his cybernetically reverberative voice hummed from the other side of the room.

“I don’t know how... informally Reyes maintained his meetings, but we can’t--” Mercy looked up from her screen and read his posture and expression. Her shoulders slumped. She pushed up from her desk and walked across the lab over to him.

“I’m sorry, I know. I just shut down,” said Genji as she closed the distance between them, “I don’t even know where it came from, ever since I joined Tracer’s strike team, I thought I’ve been getting better but--” he cut himself off as she hugged him. He stood there for a few seconds before returning the embrace. A part of him wanted to take his faceplate off, breathe in the smell of her hair and the smell of coffee on her, but he tamped that down. They had embraced before, after Gérard Lacroix’s death, and had broken out of it, both of them muttering about it being inappropriate and messy, but after missions together on Tracer’s strike team, there was no such shame in taking comfort in each other like this. She loosened the hug slightly to look at him.

“What you said... about you and children...”  she trailed off.

“I...” Genji sighed, “I’m an assassin.”

“You’re an agent,” said Mercy.

“Whose skills all come from the fact that he was raised to be an assassin,” said Genji, “What I went through as a child---I don’t want another child to go through it. And I don’t want children to think that’s what they want because it’s not.”

“They won’t have to,” said Mercy, putting her hands on his shoulders, “The Shimada Clan’s practically collapsed! You get to decide who you are, not them! You get to choose what you do with your skills,” one of her hands trailed down his arm and clasped his organic hand, “And you choose good. You’ve been choosing to do good.”

“...kids shouldn’t want to be like me when I don’t even know what the hell I am,” muttered Genji.

Mercy gave a helpless chuckle, “Join the club. ‘Mercy’ is easier to be than Angela. People listen to ‘Mercy,’ except not really, because she’s just pretty and she flies and at the end of the day, she’s just a bloody idea, so no one actually listens to her because she’s not real---”  she caught herself, “God, they’re really going to turn us into cartoon characters, aren’t they?” she said, pushing her bangs back from her face, “As if things weren’t already weird enough.”

“Cyborg ninja. Angel doctor. Time traveler. Gorilla from the moon. It really makes no difference at this point,” said Genji with a shrug, looking over her shoulder, he noticed a small figure on her desk. “Is that---?” he broke out of the embrace and walked over to the desk to see his action figure standing there. The arm had been glued back on, the seam of the break barely visible. He picked up the action figure. “You fixed me? It--It-- I mean it. You fixed it?” he said glancing over his shoulder at her.

“Well I couldn’t just leave you like that,” said Mercy, chuckling a little. 

“’You’ve rescued me again, Doctor Ziegler!’” said Genji, making the action figure bob with his words. They both snickered. “Maybe that can be my catchphrase,” said Genji, a smirk in his voice.

“Absolutely not,” said Mercy, giggling.

[paradox-psyc-hoe-sis]

The Strongest Avenger

Carol x fem!reader, avengers x reader (platonic)

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: so many oh boy. Attempted angst, fluff, insecurity, broken bones, injections + needles, so much gore, organ removal, vomit. If you're sensitive to any gore then please don't read it, I'm sorry oof

A/n: I've never written anything like this before, so feedback is always welcome. Tamika, if you're reading this, I am going to marry Carol Danvers one day. Try and stop me, I dare you. - Aphrodite

"Your turn, Nat!"

You, Carol, Natasha, Wanda and Peter all sat on the floor of your bedroom. Carol had a week free, so she decided to spend that week back on earth with her best friends; she was completing a 6 month long mission and it had been exactly 123 days since you saw her last. Yes, you were counting. Whenever she returns from a mission, you host a girls night (eith the exception of Peter, of course. He looked up to you all so much, you couldn't just not invite him), and tonight you had decided to play a game of 21 dares. It's practically the exact same as 21 questions, but with dares instead. After all, you were avengers, and none of you were scared of a bit of danger.

"Alright, alright." Nat looked deep in thought before her eyes lit up, thinking of the best dare. "Carol. I dare you to make out with the prettiest person in the room." Peter gasped, making everyone laugh, and you met Carol's eyes. She raised and eyebrow, to which you gave a small nod; next thing you knew, she had scooted over to sit next to you, and casually put her lips on yours. You didn't think too much of it; you and Carol were closer than any of the other avengers were, and she probably felt more comfortable kissing you than anyone else. The fact that she had chosen you as the prettiest never even crossed your mind.

You'd had a crush on Carol since the first time you saw her. It was about two years ago; she was moving into the avengers tower, and you had to give her the tour. Her sandy blonde hair fell casually onto her shoulders, and she wore black jeans with a white jumper. You had offered to carry her bags, but that was a mistake - being roughly half a foot shorter and only having 3% of the strength that she has was the fatal flaw. Over those two years, you and Carol grew to be best friends, and your feelings for her slowly faded. What was once a raging fire of passion had fizzled down into a small candle flame, but it shone bright with hope nonetheless. She hadn't changed since you first met her, yet she now sported short hair, rather than her longer curls.

Oh, and now you were kissing her.

Her lips were soft, contradictory to yours which were chapped and rough. You were so focused on her that you didn't hear Wanda trying to get your attention. Carol snaked a hand up to your neck and opened her mouth slightly more, yet you could still feel her smiling into your mouth. Before you could put a hand on her waist, you felt someone flicking your face. Laughing as you pulled away from her, Carol sat back where she originally was, and gave you a wink. Wanda was now knelt next to you, and it became apparent that she was the one who had flicked you.

"Any longer and we would've had to cover Peter's eyes!" Her accent came out thick between a giggle, and you felt a familiar burning in your cheeks.

☆☆☆☆☆

You rolled over in your bed to look at the time; 1:38 am. The game of 21 dares didn't last much longer after your kiss, and you all crashed on your bed. It was the climax of summer, so you wore only underwear and a tank top while you slept. Being sure not to wake anybody up, you climbed off of the bed, internally thanking your past self for choosing to lay on the side closest to the door. Grabbing a pair of pyjama shorts to slip on, you studied everyone's expressions to make sure they were all still asleep, and your eyes lingered on Carol's face for a bit too long. Peter wasn't there, he must've woken up earlier and gone back to his bedroom, you thought. Sighing, you walked out of the door. Even out in the hallway it was blisteringly warm, so you headed to the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

The song Dancing Queen by ABBA has been stuck in your head for weeks, so you quietly sang it to yourself on your way to the living area. Once you got to the kitchen you closed your eyes, still singing, and began dancing in the space that you had. Minutes must have passed before you opened your eyes and saw Steve sat at the dining table. He didn't say anything, but instead took a long sip of the coffee he had. Without even flinching at his sudden appearance, you got your bottle of water, and walked out. As you passed him on the way, you leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"This never happened."

Instead of going back to your room, you headed straight towards the elevator, and made your way to the roof. Stepping out into the warm breeze, you walked closer to the balcony. You noted the clarity of the stars above you yet you saw the sun poking out from above the city skyline, and took a deep breath of the early morning air. Disturbing you from tranquility, the sound of the door behind you opening awoke you from your daze.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite earth human."

You turned and saw Carol stood in the doorway, holding two mugs of cocoa.

"Good morning, space alien. What're you doing up?" She walked over to you and handed you one of the mugs. No whipped cream and extra marshmallows, just how you like it. She knew you so well.

"Couldn't sleep, you?"

Before you answered, you took in her appearance. Her short hair was messy as a result of her slumber, and she rocked a matching set of baby pink pyjamas.

"I guess I could say the same. I've had too much on my mind lately." You took a large gulp of your drink, ignoring the fact that its heat felt like molten lava was being poured down your throat. She hummed in response, looking out to the horizon. She turned to you with a frown, sighed, and then asked you a question. "What do you want to do in the future?" The question took you aback, but you knew what you wanted out of life, and you were comfortable telling her. As you thought of your future, you saw a wedding, maybe children, and a steady career.

"Well, once more heroes rise from the future ashes of the avengers, I want to settle down. Helping the earth, and the universe, is everything to me, so I want to work for as long as I can. It would be brilliant to meet somebody soon..." you took a breath, "and possibly fall in love. I don't know about kids, but having somebody to share my life with means the world to me. What about you?"

She was looking at you with such admiration, and you met her gaze. She smiled and turned back to the view, thinking hard. "I think I want to stay on earth." She put it more bluntly than you've ever heard her speak, and you were surprised with the answer.

"Seriously? You literally have super powers, have travelled to so many galaxies, fought the universes biggest threats, and are practically immortal. And at the end of the day, you really want to stay on this junk yard of a planet?"

She faked an offended look and punched you on the arm. "I have more friends of this junk yard of a planet than I do in the entire galaxy. And it's not every day that you get to spend the rest of your life with a group of misfits like us who only care about protecting people. After things have settled down in this realm, I want to stay here to protect my family." You smiled as she turned her head towards you. "And besides, this junk yard of a planet has a very amazing person on it who I'd never be able to get rid of, no matter where I decide to settle down."

You both laughed, and you finished your cocoa. "I'm going back to bed, I promised Natasha that I'd train with her tomorrow and God knows that I need the energy." You smiled and turned to walk away before she grabbed your wrist. Neither of you said anything, but words weren't needed. She pulled you into a hug in which you happily returned, and she gave you a small kiss on the forehead. You stayed like this for a while before you found your eyelids growing heavy. She let you leave for real, this time, and you fell asleep thinking about her.

☆☆☆☆☆

Two days later, you were sat in the conference room with all of the other avengers. Carol sat across the table from you, and you'd love to just stare at her for the entire meeting, but this was important. Somebody in New York had been committing a series of crimes. At first, it was small stuff like shoplifting or stealing somebody's bag on the street. But the longer they were left unnoticed, the bigger their crimes got. Yesterday, you had recieved information that five people were murdered in an attack in the Wall Street building. The criminal went by the name of Neeko, and he always left a note at the scene of the crime. All but one were addressed to the avengers - the note left at Wall Street was addressed to you, and you only. It soon became clear why; you knew all five people killed. One was a former colleague, another was a childhood friend, two of them went to college with you, and the last was your ex-boyfriend. Of course, you were distraught over all of these people being killed, but your determination to catch the killer overpowered your sadness. Steve was

leading the meeting, creating a plan as you went, and you perked up when you heard your name.

"In his last note, Neeko said that if y/n doesn't meet him in the warehouse on 42nd street tonight at 8pm, he'll be attacking one of the schools within the week." Steve looked directly at you. "There's no way that we can find out what school he could be targeting, so we're going to have to use you as bate?"

You nodded, feeling secure. Your family would never let anything bad happen to you, especially not in the hands of a serial killer.

"Now, I don't want to seem condescending, but are you sure you can do this, y/n?" The question came from Sam, who was sat at the opposite end of the table. You glared at him, confused as to what he was talking about.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked calmly, but with a hint of annoyance. They did this to you a lot; you were one of the younger in the group, and you were probably one of the weakest. They'd usually never put you in the centre of a mission, but it was a necessity this time around.

"I'm sure what Sam meant was that five people who are close to your heart have just been murdered." Steve sat in the empty chair next to you. "Are you sure you're stable enough to be put directly into the hands of the person who killed them?"

The wat he phrased it made you furious; they always doubt your abilities, and in this time where protecting your loved ones is more important than ever, they were hesitant to trust you. As soon as he asked you this, you stood up from your chair and stared directly at him.

"Stable? You're asking me if I'm 'stable' enough to be trusted?" You looked around at everybody else. Natasha ducked her head down, Bucky casually shielded his eyes with his hand, Tony gave you a sympathetic look; they all agreed with Steve.

You looked at Carol who gave you a small nod of approval, as if to say 'I wouldn't blame you if you burned down the entire avengers tower just from that remark.' Grabbing your jacket from the back of your chair, you walked out of the conference room. You heard Rhodey calling your name, but you weren't going to go back in there and be treated like a child. You and Carol had arranged to get brunch at 10:30, which was in an hour; you didn't know where you were going, but you were leaving the avengers tower. You needed a break.

Sitting down in a small red booth, you closed your eyes and rubbed your forehead. You went for a walk around the city before going to the diner, and once you were there, you were still far to annoyed to even think about eating. 60s music quietly rumbled from speakers on the walls and the smell of waffles and burgers clouded your thoughts.

"Y/n, are you okay?" You looked up and saw Carol who had just come from the tower. She sat down in the booth and placed her hand on top of yours, stroking the back of yours with her thumb. You sighed before giving her a weak smile.

"They don't think I can do it." You saw her nod, knowing exactly what you were thinking.

"It's not that they don't think you can do it, y/n. They know your abilities and how good you are under pressure, but a few of your friends have just died. They're worried that you might get a bit carried away, or worse."

Before you could reply, Carol got the attention of one of the waitresses and ordered a strawberry and cream waffle for you, and a root beer float for herself. You've both been to this diner so many times together that you each know exactly what you like. As soon as Carol turned back around, you started talking.

"That's the point. They're worried that I can't do my job, when we do this all the time. Every single one of us has been in a situation similar to this; where we've lost someone close to us and have to ignore how we feel, and continue to protect the world. Nobody would dare question Steve or Tony's judgement if they were in my position, so I don't see why they feel the need to question mine."

Carol looked surprised at everything you had just said, and it was clear that she didn't know how to reply. Before she could think of anything to say, you scooted closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. You breathed in the sweet smell of her vanilla perfume and the fresh cotton scent of her tee shirt. She rubbed your back, and you pulled away.

"I have to do this. Not just for myself, or the school kids, or my friends that were killed, but for them. I'm going to smash this mission so hard that they'll never dare question my abilities again." You were both smiling, and Carol gave you a high five.

"That's my girl!"

☆☆☆☆☆

It was nearing 8pm. You, Steve, Bucky, Tony, Natasha and Carol stood outside of the warehouse on 42nd; bringing all of the avengers would seem suspicious, so Steve chose just the right amount of people to protect you and catch Neeko. They were all suited up, except for you. You weren't dressed in your dark purple latex suit, but the skirt and jumper combo that you had worn earlier in the diner. It was your idea; showing up in your suit would alert Neeko and his companions, and make them think that you were planning an attack. Wearing normal clothes would make it seem like you weren't planning anything. When you told Steve, he was impressed that you had come up with the idea, and happily approved. However, you were slightly regretting it now. Being without the suit that Tony had made for you and knowing that you could, possibly, be walking into your place of death gave you a wave of fear, but you brushed it off. You had to prove to the rest of the group that you were more than what they think, or at least you'll die trying.

All of the avengers wore black watches, but when closely inspected, were actually tracking devices. They each had a tiny button on the side that when pressed, would alert every other device of where you were. The button was only to be pressed when you knew you'd be in a certain place for a while, and/or you were in a lot of danger. The button was really only meant to be pressed by you, so the rest of the group knew when to come and get you and where you were. But if another avenger was in trouble and needed backup, they could use it too.

Steve started going over the plan. "As soon as y/n gives us the alert, we head inside. Carol and I will go in from the front and find her, Bucky and Nat will go in from the back to see if there are any hostages or prisoners there, and Tony will fly above the roof and use his scanners to find out how many people inside are working for Neeko."

He gave you a clap on the back. "Are you ready, y/n?" You looked up at him, took a deep breath, and nodded. You were more ready than you'd ever be. You checked the phone in the back of your pocket, which read 7:58pm, it was almost time. Everyone watched as you grabbed Carol's hand, interlaced your fingers, gave it a weak squeeze, and walked straight through the main doors of the warehouse.

Everything smelt damp, and the faint scent of machine oil lingered in the huge hall. You looked around, not seeing a single sign of life in the entire room. You calmly strolled through the warehouse, being sure to stay in the main hall and not get lost in any other rooms.

"Hello? Hellooooo!? Anybody home?" You called into the darkness, hoping somebody would walk out any second. You were about to turn around and make your way back out through the doors before somebody threw a sack over your head. You shouted at whoever was behind you, kicking your legs out in an attempt to knock them over. This failed, and you only aggravated your captor more. They grabbed your shoulders to hold you still, and another pair of hands appeared to tie your wrists together in front of you. The same person who tied your hands also did the same to your ankles, and you felt the familiar pain of rope burn against your wrists and ankles. You continued to shout and scream for help, but the two people who had tied you up had picked you up and carried you away.

When the sack was removed from your head, you were tied to a chair with thick black rope. You looked down at your wrists, and blood dripped down your forearms. Just by looking at your surroundings, you knew you were probably inappropriate storage room; you tried, but failed to reach the button of your tracking device, letting out an angry sigh. The only thing lighting up the room was an old lightbulb above your head, but you could still see what was on the floor surrounding you: bodies. People who you didn't recognize, their organs pooling out of their lacerated stomachs. Their eyes had been gouged out of their faces, and a thick, brown liquid dripped from their mouths. You screamed, not out of fear, but of anger. You shouted until your voice became hoarse and your eyes watered.

Not long afterwards, you heard the locks on the doors being undone. You sat up, preparing for some sort of mob boss to walk in with a set of weapons. Instead, a tall man wearing an apron walked in. He wore a shirt and jeans, a pair of black glasses resting on the bridge of his nose; you would've thought he was a normal person if it wasn't for the heavily blood stained apron he wore. What disgusted you the most was that he looked no older than Tony did. Following him was one of his companions, short and stocky, carrying a sizeable wooden box. Along with them, they brought the scent of blood and rotting bodies.

"It's nice to meet you, y/n." His voice was low and fitting to what you would expect a serial killers voice to be like; thick, eerie, and leaving a sour taste in your mouth. He walked over to you and bent down, examining your face.

"You're a monster."

He chuckled at your stern expression, and didn't reply. You squirmed and wriggled in your seat, desperate to break free and kick him in the balls. Instead of breaking free from the chair, you just caused yourself more pain. Blood continued to slowly drip past your wrists and onto your hands, coating your dainty fingers in pure red. Noticing how desperate you were to get out made him visibly frustrated, so he stood up and gave you a hard punch in the face. This was the hardest you've ever felt somebody punch you, and you've trained with Steve before.

Your ears started ringing and vision went blurry. He had, quite obviously, broken your nose. Blood poured out of your nose like a waterfall, and you could feel a bone sticking out of place. You groaned, sitting up straight in your chair. Although you weren't really listening, he began talking again, pacing around the room.

"I know you and your little group of superheroes have been getting my letters, and I have to say, I'm quite offended," he stopped and looked at you, "you never wrote back. I'm sure your angry, y/n, I really am. After all, I killed some of the people who you trust with your life, and I'm about to do more than just that."

You were confused by what he meant, before his companion handed him a laptop. He placed it on the floor in front of you, and you saw what appeared to be security camera footage of another room in the warehouse. Two people were tied up on chairs just like you, and it took you a moment to recognize who those two people were.

Your parents.

And before you could open you mouth to ask him why your parents were here, another figure appeared on the screen. It was him.

"How are you in two places at once?" You asked, seeming stupid. He laughed again, a low, broad chuckle.

"Oh, you silly girl, I'm not in two places at once. That was recorded half an hour ago." You put two and two together and realised that your parents were here half an hour ago, and the blood on his apron was fresh. You couldn't think of anything to say, so instead, you watched the video. You gasped when Neeko pulled out a knife, and screamed bloody murder when you saw him slit both your mother and your father's throats. You looked away, but he grabbed your head and forced you to see what happened to your parents. With the knife, he cut out their organs and their eyes, being sure to look into the camera every now and again. You were sobbing, your eyes were puffy and red, matching the crimson blood that covered the bottom half of your face.

"That's enough! I can't watch any more!" You screamed up at him, choking on your own sobs. He showed no pity as he flicked his fingers at his companion, who went and collected the wooden box. Neeko opened it in front of you, showing you a syringe full of clear, slightly yellow tinted liquid. Before you could scream for help, he had already put the needle to your neck and injected you with the serum. Your eyelids began to feel too heavy to keep open, and you fell into a deep slumber.

You woke to the sound of knives being sharpened. You were still bound to the chair, but were in a different room. It was much larger, with a few mahogany desks along one of the walls. Instead of paperwork being laid on top of the desk, there was a selection of knives, scissors and other surgical tools. You knew what was about to come, and you were prepared for the worst.

"If you're going to try and kill me then you've picked the wrong fight." Everything hurt as you spoke, but you meant what you said. The avengers would be worried by your lack of alert, and would come and find you. Any minute now, Steve and Carol were bound to break down the door and rescue you.

"Oh, I'm not going to kill you, little girl." You hated him calling you that, you were in your mid early twenties but never treated like it, not even from the avengers.

"No, I'm not going to kill you. But what I am going to do is mess you up so badly that you'll never be able to fight with your precious friends ever again, and you'll live with the knowledge that you weren't strong enough to save your parents, and you weren't strong enough to save yourself." You spat at his face, which only made him laugh even more.

Turning his back to you, he picked up a knife from one of the desks. He walked over to you and sat down on an empty chair that you never even realised was beside you. Your legs were bare under your skirt, showing the most skin than any other part of your body. He placed the blade of the knife on the middle of your thigh and slowly pressed it in. You screamed, pure agony surging through you body. Hearing you scream only made Neeko want to continue, so the more you screamed the deeper her pushed the knife. Only the first half of the blade was inside of you, but you only realised how bad it was when you felt the cold metal hit your bone. He pulled the knife out and basked in the sound of your piercing screams. Just in fucking time, you heard a knock on the door. Who in the living hell would be knocking at the door while this was going on?

Neeko rose and went to answer the door. Only opening it slightly, he peered out at who was there. Then, you heard her voice.

"Pizza delivery, motherfuckers." She sent a photon blast directly to his face, and then another to his companion. She strode in, and as soon as she saw you she went pale. Your entire face, arms, thighs and ankles were drained in your own blood, and you were bound to a chair, panting. She ran over to you and broke the ropes with her own hands, and pressed the alert button on her watch. She knelt beside you, and once you were fully untied, you couldn't help but collapse directly on top of her. Your arms were draped over her back as she picked you up in a fire man's lift, walking out of the door to meet the other avengers.

☆☆☆☆☆

It had been 6 days since the night in the warehouse. After passing out, you were taken back to the tower by Carol, Bucky and Nat, where Bruce managed to identify and heal your injuries, to the best of his ability. Steve and Tony caught Neeko and his accomplices, turning them into S.H.I.E.L.D., their fate was to be decided by Nick Fury. It took you 3 days to wake up from your passing out; whatever they had injected you with keeps you asleep for longer, and they had put far too much in you. Once you had finally awoken, you used the next three days to recover in and out of bed, being forced to do mandatory small exercises to ensure your body was working perfectly. The sixth day was your first day fully out of bed, walking around the avengers tower. You needed crutches, as the wound on your leg wasn't big enough for stitches and had to recover independently. Additionally, you wore a small brace on your nose, so your bone could be shaped back into place. The only people you had seen since waking up were Bruce, Steve, and Peter. Steve had come to tell you everything that happened, and Peter came to see if you were okay. Bruce recommended no visitors until you were able to get out of bed, as it could over stimulate you, but Peter couldn't sleep knowing that you were in pain.

Carol left 3 days ago to return to her mission. She was the only person who you wanted to see; you had been through so much, and nobody could get you thought it better than her. Hobbling into the elevator, you went to the roof. You were wearing a onesie, courtesy of Wanda, and just wanted to be alone on the balcony to see the city like you and Carol had done a week ago. Once the elevator doors opened, you felt the chilly evening breeze hit your skin. Before you could step out of the elevator, you saw somebody stood on the balcony. You didn't recognize them at first, but they knew exactly who you were.

"Well well well, my favourite earth human seems to be doing quite well considering that she almost died last week."

Carol turned around and jokingly winced when she saw the state you were in, and you would've laughed if you weren't in complete shock.

"Carol..."

"Y/n."

"What are you doing? You shouldn't still be on earth." You made your way over to meet her on the balcony.

"I couldn't just leave you in a coma while I fight crime across the galaxy."

You laughed, and grabbed her hand, not a single worry crossing your mind.

"I love you, Carol. I have for ages, but I've never appreciated how much you mean to me until now." She smirked, raising a hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"I love you too, y/n." You stood on your tip toes to kiss her, and she pulled back immediately when you did. You worried that you had done something wrong.

"It feels better to do this now that we're actually a couple." You both laughed as she leaned back into the kiss, but instead, she accidentally bonked your brace with her nose, which resulted in even more laughing.

You have been waiting so long for this.

[saintstrawberry]

When the Night is Over/Just What I Needed

Second Chapter is up!

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733207/chapters/68086045#workskin

Ships:

bokuaka, kuroken, kagehina, daisuga, daiaka, iwaoi

Description:

A surprise visit, mariokart, and Oikawa. Malibu also makes an appearance (Or multiple).

Notes: Akaashi has a bad memory. Relatable content.

Songs I recommend for this chap are Dionysus by the Buttertones, Best Interest by Tyler the Creator (for Kuroo), and Shampoo Bottles by Peach Pit for the ending. I promise Bokuto will show up in the next chap! >.<

I also make a reference to Natsume Ono because she smacks! Read her manga Not Simple; it is fantastic!

Thank you for reading!

—————

Shampoo Bottles

It’s Saturday, something Akaashi doesn’t realize until he is flying halfway out his front door and huffing a breath at his phone screen’s mocking display: 6:30 AM, Saturday, June 14th. Exactly a week before Hinata’s birthday.

He blinks and remembers the night before, when he was nursing a red wine and a deadline for his “Ono Natsume: Shouting for the Voiceless” article. He remembers, vaguely, submitting the piece at 11:50 and dropping his head right there on his cheap Ikea desk, exhausted.

Presently, he’s nodding awkwardly at his neighbor (leaving the complex to work out, no less) and trying to make it look, somehow, like he meant to open his front door only to close it seconds later.

Toeing off his work shoes and entirely caught off guard by the idea of a day off, Akaashi retreats to his bed. He passes out almost as soon as his foggy head hits the pillow, dreaming of nothing. The next time he opens his eyes, his breath and body still completely.

“Mornin’, sleeping beauty! It’s ten, I’m surprised you slept so long!”

“Kuroo-san, why are you in my apartment?”

The offender offers no answer but grins brilliantly, gold irises level with Akaashi’s blue-green.

“And just how long have you been here anyway?” Kuroo ignores him again, instead choosing to stand from his squatting position. His hands at his hips, Kuroo wears a white oversized Bouncing Ball hoodie and black skinny jeans. Much to Akaashi’s discomfort, he still has his shoes on- red and white high top sneakers with the laces tucked in. As always, the guy’s flawlessly disheveled, silver jewelry glinting from his ears and neck.

Akaashi groans and plants his face in his pillow. It’s too early for the young, beautiful, and rich.

Kuroo, unsurprisingly, doesn’t yield Akaashi’s thoughts and scoffs once. He moves to draw open the curtains in his room. Keiji can’t help but grimace as he feels his skin bathed in hot summer light.

“Man. You should really dust your windowsills. Do you even ever open these things?! You’re not some bat, ‘Kaashi. You need fresh air.”

“I think bats need air too,” Akaashi mumbles into the pillow.

Kuroo waves a dismissive hand and turns to survey him, arms folded across a broad chest. Keiji reluctantly turns his head to address his stare, squinting without the aid of his glasses or contacts. Kuroo’s bedhead is seemingly even worse today- probably from whatever plane he just hopped out of. The latter smirks devilishly.

“Well. Are you gonna welcome me back or what?”

“So you didn’t expect to land in Tokyo until Thursday?” Akaashi asks this of Kuroo about 45 minutes after his intrusion into the writer’s apartment. The pair are getting brunch in some needlessly swanky rooftop restaurant, one where Kuroo insisted he wouldn’t get recognized. Akaashi raised his eyebrows at that- his friend had stuffed his signature messy locks into one of Akaashi’s ratty baseball caps and donned aviators the moment they got outside.

No matter to him, anyway. Akaashi got fancy champagne out of the deal.

“Sure didn’t. Management canceled the show in Singapore last minute. Something about the venue. Fuck if I know,” Kuroo explains almost incoherently through colossal bites of egg.

“What matters is nobody got hurt. We refunded tickets and rescheduled the gig. S’all good. I’m just happy to be back home with my buddy!” Kuroo reaches over to slap Akaashi on the back with a friendly grin.

He’s sputtering over his mimosa when Kuroo continues, “Can’t wait to surprise Kenma tonight, either. Can you imagine his face?"

“Yeah, actually, I can,” Akaashi slouches his shoulders forward in his chair with an uninterested expression and quirks up an eyebrow ever so slightly, impersonating his best friend.

“Hey, that was pretty good! Though I guess it’s not that hard for you. You’re both pretty stoic. Like Easter Island Heads.”

Akaashi swats at him half-heartedly. Kuroo laughs.

“Anyway, you’re lucky I didn’t call him immediately this morning- or the police for that matter,” Akaashi says matter of factly. Kuroo clutches at his heart dramatically.

“Akaashi-kun. You wound me. I am the furthest from a criminal.”

Akaashi huffs a laugh.

“Tell the Osaka police force that.”

“Hey! What, a guy can’t take a piss anymore?”

“Not, apparently, from the top of the Umeda Sky Building-”

“To be fair, I didn’t know the police officer was right there,” Kuroo interjects.

“-After downing half a bottle of Malibu with Oikawa. And you were 17. You were lucky you didn’t get charged with public indecency.”

Kuroo pouts but offers no petition.

“Guilty as charged, I suppose. Hey, speaking of police officers-”

Akaashi clears his throat and interrupts, “Speaking of drinking, how was Singapore?”

Kuroo takes the hint and stretches back in his chair, raising his third bloody mary to his lips.

“Didn’t get much time there, only about four days before I got the call about the cancellation. Flew straight here after the news.”

Straight to Kenma, Akaashi supplies mentally, grinning fondly at his friends’ relationship.

“Anyway, it was pretty mild, all things considered. Bokuto seemed to like the clubbing scene more than I did. Matter of fact, he’s staying there ‘til the next concert.”

“Bokuto?” Akaashi says, cutting into his eggs and watching the yolk spill onto his fork.

Kuroo, now onto his nearly 2,500 yen crepe, takes a break from his meal to look up at him with a puzzled stare.

“My tourmate? Bokuto Koutarou? X. Ace?”

Akaashi meets his eyes blankly.

“I guess it makes sense his stage name doesn’t ring a bell, but I’m surprised you don’t know about the guy’s v-ball career.”

The blue-eyed 24 year old drops his gaze to the napkin in his lap.

“Sorry, sorry. Touchy topic.”

Pain-in-the-ass-Kuroo-san.

“Anyway, you should really check out some of his matches with the Panthers.”

“He was signed with the Panthers?” Akaashi sputters, clapping his mouth shut immediately after.

Kuroo cackles.

“Don’t give yourself a heart attack, Akaashi. It’s okay to be impressed- it’s impressive. He’s crazy. You’ll be meeting him soon.”

Akaashi only hums in response.

"You're coming to the show, right?"

Akaashi hums again.

"Big talker today, huh, Keiji?"

"Bah."

“Right. So.. you baited yourself a hook yet?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“You know. After Daichi,” Kuroo tries again.

No, he really hasn’t.

Akaashi downs the rest of his drink. He peers into his empty glass in response.

“Haven’t thought about it really. He said it himself- I don’t have the time.”

“Oh, Keiji. Nevermind him.”

“Don’t sigh like that. Did you fly all the way from China to pity me?”

The rapper shakes his head, “No, I didn’t. I just want you to-”

“Be as happy as you are with Kenma,” Keiji finishes.

Kuroo gives a gentle smile, “Can you blame me?”

“God. You two are worse than the shoujo manga I have to review.”

“But twice as fun.”

“Shut up and eat your crepe.”

Kuroo happily complies, “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“I’m glad you’re home, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi remarks. And he is. Even with his busy lifestyle as a chart-topping artist, Kuroo somehow manages to draw Kenma and Akaashi out of the house.

Kuroo and Kenma are both relatively new to their fame- about three years out from Kuroo’s first breakthrough hit and four since Kenma first started his Bouncing Ball Youtube channel- but their fans are… dedicated. Akaashi often marvels at how even Kenma takes it in stride. He's entertaining to watch and a seasoned video game expert. And Kuroo... Akaashi looks to the man and the ketchup stain on his lip.

"What?"

Well, they both deserve their good fortune.

"Nothing, nothing."

He has interviewed them each multiple times for the journal. The good thing about his friends’ famous status is that Akaashi gets to profit from it as well. He tells Kuroo as much and the latter almost chokes on his stupidly expensive breakfast laughing. Even Akaashi cracks a small grin.

“I told that was him!” The writer hears two girlish voices behind him, talking in excited whispers.

“E-Excuse me, K-Kuroo-san?”

The rapper breaks out in a large grin and stands, bowing formally at the pair.

“Yes? Hello, ladies. Are you two fans of mine?”

“Yes!! Very much so! I loved your new song!” The girl, about 17 with dark lashes and fire red hair, praises politely.

“Would, would you mind taking a picture with us!?” The other chirps.

“Not at all! Akaashi, my pal, would you be a dear and snap some shots?” It takes everything for Akaashi not to roll his eyes.

“But of course.”

--------------------

This is how Akaashi comes to search up the 2018 Panthers roster on his phone’s Google. He gives up his sleuthing when he realizes he doesn’t remember the guy’s name or know what he looks like.

He forgets about the whole thing until later that night, at Kenma’s celebration party for 5 million followers. It’s small, of course, about ten of them drinking champagne and playing drinking games. Akaashi knows Hinata did all the planning anyway, despite the event being at Kenma’s. The trio is standing off to the side when Akaashi pulls out his phone briefly to check the time.

Kuroo should be here any minute, he thinks. Hinata peers too, instinctually curious.

“Hey! Whatcha looking up the Panthers for? That’s not the latest roster, you know! Ooh, you’re looking up X-Ace, right?! Seeeeee, I knew you’d like him!”

Akaashi looks down at the picture Hinata points to. The guy’s sturdy and smug with one thick eyebrow raised. His chest is broad and his eyes are perfectly golden. The first thing Akaashi notices, however, is his hair. Absolutely ridiculous, he thinks. Makes sense that this guy’s Hinata’s idol.

Kenma raises his eyebrows.

“What made you do that?” he asks.

“Oh, uh, just...curious.”

Kenma looks like he’s about to say more when Oikawa joins their group with a boisterous, “Pudding Head! Congratsssss!” He pinches the smaller’s cheeks, who just about hisses in response.

Akaashi, grateful for Oikawa’s interruption, takes another quick glance at… X-Ace, and pockets his phone.

Hinata grins wide when Tooru, seemingly already a bit tipsy, ruffles his hair.

“Thanks, Oikawa-san," Kenma begrudgingly replies.

“You know, Kuroo is-”

Akaashi, ever vigilant, cuts in immediately, “-is so happy for you, Ken.”

Oikawa seems to get the hint, his eyes widening in realization.

“He sure is! Want some more alcohol?” The chestnut-haired friend of Kuroo’s quickly shoves his bottle of strawberry rum in Kenma’s face.

“You know I hate your sticky Malibu. Why are you guys acting all weird?”

Hinata, completely oblivious to the unspoken diaogue between Akaashi and Oikawa, tugs Kenma’s shirt.

“Kenma, Kenma! We should stream!!”

“Hey, that’s not too bad an idea, Shoyo,” Akaashi adds, if just to distract him.

“Sure, we could play some Mario-Kart. My fans seem to like you guys. Just don’t do anything stupid, Tooru.”

“Who, me?! And when do I-” Oikawa starts dramatically. The rest of the men send him a collective stare which answers his question before he can even finish it. He crosses his arms with a huff.

“Whatever. I call Princess Peach.”

--------------

After Kenma finishes setting up the Livestream and the small group has gained over a couple thousand viewers, Akaashi is in dead last as Blooper. Well, almost dead last, expect for...

“How am I losing? No fair, Kozume!” Oikawa whines.

“Me? What did I do?” Kenma-san replies, uninterested. Unsurprisingly, the Youtuber is in first place with his signature Toad.

“I don’t know, your fancy settings or something. Iwa-chan! Back me up, here!”

“It’s ‘cause you suck, Trashy-kawa,” Iwaizumi-san, whom the quartet bribed into playing with agedashi dofu, doesn’t hesitate to retaliate. His player, Bowser, is in second, with Hinata close behind as Yoshi.

“Take that, Hajime-san! Oh, shoot, sorry, Akaashi-san!” Hinata shouts, rising from his seat as he hurls a red shell, accidentally hitting Keiji.

“Hinata, language!” Kuroo’s smooth voice floods the apartment in mock disapproval. Kenma whips his head so fast he drops his controller. The blonde doesn’t say anything but slowly rises to his feet, then breaks into a short run at the sight of his boyfriend. The former picks up Kenma effortlessly and twirls him in a tight embrace. Akaashi looks on fondly.

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata exclaims, jumping up excitedly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Tetsuro’s home. I’m about to kick all of your asses!” Oikawa waves away his entrance, sticking out his tongue. Iwaizumi slaps him on the back of the head.

The stream chat has exploded at the sound of Kuroo.

bb-corp: is that Kuroo???

applephi: NO WAY djwhdnbwibdfwq

yoyotetsuro: couple goals

kurokenxx: will anyone ever love me like Kuroo loves Kenma?

keeeeenmaaa_: I think this is the first time BouncingBall’s lost at Mariokart

----------

A little tired and a lot tipsy, Akaashi insists on taking a cab home. It doesn't feel right to invade Kenma's when the Kuroo's home. Keiji could tell the pair... needed their space for the night. He splits the ride with Hinata, who talks his ear off the whole way about Kuroo's arrival and how badly he wishes he had the money to go to a concert. Akaashi smirks at that, just a little. Shoyo exits the vehicle with an enthusiastic, "Bye, 'Kaashi-san!! I'll see you soon! Maybe I'll come to the store, or, or, you can come to see me and Tobio-chan! He didn't come out tonight because he has a game tomorrow, but-" The rest of his goodbye is drowned out by him closing the door.

"I apologize for the noise," Keiji addresses the driver. She makes a noise of recognition and drops him off 15 minutes later. He thinks about his conversation with Kuroo about "baiting his hook" as he enters his living room, dropping his keys unceremoniously on the floor next to his door. What does that even mean? Akaashi doesn't exactly meet a lot of people with his work and his friends are all, well, with each other. He's happy for them and all, but sometimes being around so many couples gets a bit nauseating. Akaashi is struck with a small wave of loneliness when he waters his small bamboo plant, made worse by the two shots of Malibu Oikawa shoved down his throat. This is all I have to come home to, a fucking bamboo plant. Akaashi stares at its braided stalks with a vengeance. Not a second later, he pets the leaves in apology. I shouldn't take this out on the plant.

He's always been relatively independent, but having someone felt kind of... nice, for a change. It's been almost a year since Daichi left, and probably 6 months since he and Suga got together. It's one of those things that Akaashi didn't process for awhile, forcing him to fend for himself when the realization came to knock him on his ass months down the line. He's been confronting turned over picture frames and empty sheets ever since.

And so it goes.

He pads over to his bed with a sigh and for the second time today, falls asleep and dreams of nothing.

[ginys]

tagged by @euphcme <3

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better

name/nickname: paula

gender: female

star sign: pisces

height: 1,77m

time: 1:20

birthday: march 6th

favorite bands: fall out boy, the beatles, queen, paramore, panic at the disco, legião urbana, arctic monkeys, rbd, 

favorite solo artists: halsey, taylor swift, anitta, childish gambino, hosier, ariana grande, rihanna, jão, the weeknd, billie eilish, lorde,

song stuck in my head: canibal - ivete sangalo (i can’t even remeber the last time i heard this song, but it was stuck in my head the entire day lol)

last movie: i honestly can’t remeber

last show: criminal minds

when did i create this blog: this one 2012 i think. But i had two blogs before, and i think the first one i created in 2010

what do i post: this was supposed to be a hp blog, but tbh i just reblog funny/pretty things i see on my dash there’s no cohesive theme anymore

last thing googled: checked if i spelled “cohesive” right

other blogs: i have four blogs that i abandoned 

do i get asks: sometimes but i’m always thirsty for more because i love getting asks haha

why i chose my url: because i love ginny weasley more than i love a lot of people irl  

following: 499

followers: 9381

average hours of sleep: anything in between 2 and 15

lucky number: 3, 6, 7 and 9 (idk if they’re lucky, but i like these numbers - also i just noticed they’re the numbers of my birthday)

instruments: i can play a couple of songs on the recorder and i can play the intro notes of hedwig’s theme on the piano

what am i wearing: my mom’s jeans (my mother’s jeans, not “mom’s jeans”) and an old tshirt of the university i used to study

dream job: i don’t knowwwww

dream trip: i was planning to go to argentina but corona happened. I would love to backpack through all of south america’s countries 

nationality: sad & brazilian

favorite song: i don’t knowwww

last book read: sagarana and turn of the screw (i haven’t finished either (don’t ask me the last book i read all the way trhough the end because i don’t remeber :( )) 

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: hp, the universe of brooklyn 99 and stars hollow

tagging: @rorygilmoore, @ginnypcttcr, @hobblt, @graanger, @eternita, @heylenaa and @dylannobriens

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 1989

Picking a #1 for this list was tough.

Obviously my first-hand experience of “hearing songs on the radio and actually liking some of them” starts when I was around 3 or 4, so nostalgia will have very little to do with the first top 10 lists I’m making.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Surprisingly not a very good year, at least for my tastes.

10 - Like A Prayer (Madonna)

US: #25 / FR: Was apparently on the list but I have contradicting sources

I had a very (and I do mean very, two months at best) brief Madonna phase back when she released Die Another Day because I absolutely loved that song that a shit ton of people seem to hate. So I found a Madonna best of for 1€ in a garage sale and decided to listen to more stuff from her. This song was one of my faves but it wouldn’t be the complete truth ; actually, I loved the last third of the song, the bit where the music starts to turn epic and the choir swells and everything. The rest of the song? Well, I found it boring, so I used to skip it entirely most of the time.

Is one third of a song enough to get a spot on this list? I wouldn’t say so in another year, but since the choice is pretty slim for this one, I’d say it’s fair game this time.

9 - Il Changeait La Vie (Jean-Jacques Goldman)

US: Not on the list / FR: Again, it’s there but I have contradicting sources

I don’t have much to say about this song. It has a weirdly epic melody for a song about a guy who makes shoes. It’s mostly there by default too because Goldman made way better songs before and after that one.

8 - Smooth Criminal (Michael Jackson)

US: #93 / FR: Was apparently on the list but I have contradicting sources

Like many people of my generation I wasn’t there for Michael Jackson’s best part of his career and he was already considered a sad has-been by the time I started to actively listen to music.

What I’m trying to say is that I discovered this song mostly through the Alien Ant Farm cover. I know, I know. But hey, I still love the original.

7 - She Drives Me Crazy (Fine Young Cannibals)

US: #18 / FR: Was apparently on the list but I have contradicting sources

I remember my dad really liked this song and would play it from time to time. Like many other songs from when I was very young, I have vague, distant memories of hearing it a lot years later and enjoying it every time. I still like this particular one a lot, too.

6 - Listen to Your Heart (Roxette)

US: #22 / FR: Not on the list

Basically, everything I said about the previous song applies to this one, too.

Moving on!

5 - I Drove All Night (Cindy Lauper)

US: Not on the list / FR: #36

Just like Smooth Criminal, you will not like the reason which put this particular song on this list. It’s mostly here because of the Celine Dion cover that came out years later, around 2000 or so. I liked it so much at the time that I bought the single and played it quite often.

The original is much better and that goes without saying but... yeah.

4 - Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode)

US: Not on the list / FR: #11

I’m really glad the French charts thought so highly of this song, but at the same time, it’s not one of my favorites from Depeche Mode. Hell, it’s even my least favorite song on the Violator album. I usually love repetitive & aggressive songs but this one kinda stays at the same level from beginning to end, and said level isn’t very striking visually.

Still very good, and it’s incredibly tense, and the lyrics are weird and interesting. So yeah, it deserves this spot.

3 - Hijo De La Luna (Mecano)

US: Not on the list / FR: #18

There’s a ton of versions of this song, including one in French, and both that one and the Spanish version would play on the radio long after they became a hit - I have vague and distant memories of me playing with plastic dinosaur toys and hearing that song on the radio regularly for years. Weirdly enough, I remember the Spanish version was played way more than the French one on the radio, but it’s a good thing because it sounds much better.

Long story short it’s about a woman who sells her firstborn to the Moon in exchange for the returned affection of the man she loves, and he ends up killing her because their child is moon-colored and he believes she cheated on him.

It’s messed up, but in an interesting way, and the melody is great.

2 - Lullaby (The Cure)

US: Not on the list / FR: #17

I’m really surprised this didn’t make the year-end list in the US because it was really big in England and Europe in general, and we still hear it on the radio in my country from time to time.

Surprisingly enough, this isn’t one of my favorite Cure songs even though Disintegration is my favorite Cure album (I had to cut Lovesong from this top 10 because it’s not one of my faves either, put it as a honorable mention I guess) (also yes, I cut a Cure song to put Madonna on this list. What the f█ck). I’m not even sure why exactly, but I think it’s mostly because that breathless thing Smith does when he sings this particular song is a bit painful to listen to on repeat. The music is amazing though, it’s gloomy but full of little colorful patches everywhere and it’s real eye-candy.

I debated if Lullaby should be #1 for my 1989 list and at some point it was, but in the end, “I love this song but it’s slightly painful to listen to on a loop” lost against “I like this song a bit less but boy was it stuck on a loop on my cd player at times”.

1 - Poison (Alice Cooper)

US: #91 / FR: Was apparently on the list but I have contradicting sources

Woohoo. Look at that. What a surprise. The ex-edgy teenager put Poison at #1.

I know. I’m sorry. I’m a sucker for stupid edgy shit that you can sing angrily along with while walking and this is no exception. Wasn’t ever on my list of favorite songs (none of the songs in this top 10 ever were), but it was on a couple of my tapes, and yeah, I distinctly remember listening to this around 2005 or so while walking, and striking poses and singing along when no one could see me.

Haven’t actively listened to it in years but I definitely still sing along when it pops up on the radio in my car.

Next up: an absolutely abysmal list with only three (3) songs I actually like on it.

[itsgonnabe-brian-may]

hands

Joe Mazzello x reader

wc: 2.1k

warnings: angst & fluff, mentions of blood, mentions of violence, police,

//Please read at your own risk, it's nothing too graphic but could be upsetting and I really don't want to upset anyone. Also, anything remotely graphic will be after a Keep Reading note, but there is foreshadowing at the very beginning.

✦✧✦✧

The only thing you could focus on was your hands.

They were shaking. Shaking more than they would when hyped up on caffeine. Sure there was a lot more you could focus on besides your hands. Like the blue lights flashing in your peripheral vision. Or the unfamiliar voice in your ear. Or the sting of pain every time you moved your mouth. Or the weight of a blanket draped on your shoulders. Or the wind that was piercing through your thin jumper and leggings. Yet, all you could focus on was your hands. Oh, how you wished Joe's hands would reach out and hold onto them until they stopped.

Instead, his hands were mindlessly tapping on the steering wheel along to a song he would later turn off immediately if it played on the radio. The only thing he could focus on was the smell of Chinese food that wafted throughout his car. The flashing red and blue lights that sped past him meant nothing. It was New York City, cops were part of the environment. The brief acknowledgment towards the cop cars speeding past brought up memories of when Y/N first arrived in NYC.

Flashback

"Joe, what kind of neighborhood do you live in? I thought you said it was safe, " you asked concern written all over your face.

"What do you mean?" He asked looking up from the lunch menu.

"There are so many-," You began to say but a siren followed by flashing lights sped by, so you just nodded towards the street. ",-cops"

"You shouldn't have anything to worry about unless you're a criminal... Oh, you're a criminal aren't you?" Joe asked raising a brow, biting back a smirk.

"No! I'm offended you thought I could ever do something illegal," you gasped placing a hand on your heart to show how much offense you took. "You're the one that they're really after, I'm just the distraction," you winked.

From that day on you and Joe would always joke around that the police were out to get the other. Joe would tackle you and pin your arms behind your back so that the police would "have an easier time". You always gently pushed Joe towards the cop car and yelled,

"Run Joe, run before they catch you." Though you could never get through the sentence without laughing.

The joke even went so far as you guys dressing up as Bonnie and Clyde for one of Bohemian Rhapsody's Cast's Halloween parties, and when Ben showed up as a cop and 'arrested' Joe you lost it. Ben just ended up handcuffing Joe to him for the entire night, which ruined your "couple" costume but made Ben's a whole lot better. There was definitely a few posts about it on Instagram. No one could get enough.

It was after that night you realized you had a crush on Joe. Mazzello seemed to fit perfectly in place of L/N. Of course, nothing was done about the crush. Both of you were afraid of ruining what you had.

End Flashback

A phone call brought Joe's attention back to reality. The phone could wait, Chinese food could not. Again. And Again. After the fourth time, he hastily picked up. He always hated being on the phone while driving.

"Hello," he said pressing the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Joe, I just wanted to let you know that you got the role!" his manager said cheerfully.

"What no way! I'm driving right now but I'll call you back as soon as I get home!" Joe said hanging up. Now he was even more ecstatic to get back to the apartment and tell you. You had been solely platonic roommates for 6 months now, and always the first person to find out each other's new roles. Originally you had come to audition for roles in movies and Joe, who you had met on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, had offered to let you stay at his apartment. It was only supposed to last 2 weeks for auditions. But after that random Wednesday night, you were in 'The Big Apple' for another 6 months at least. When Joe's lease ran out, you found an apartment to share and the rest had been history. Of course, living with someone lead to learning a lot more about them than you had wanted, but neither of you was bothered by the newfound knowledge. However, both of you never figured out that the other shared the same nonplatonic feelings.

Joe had been trying to figure out when and if he could ask you out on a proper date, this was his idea. Chinese food and a movie, with a small bouquet of flowers to make it official. If it all backfired he could say the flowers were for the apartment. Right?

His thumbs tapped the steering wheel quicker, the radio still off from his phone call. The sounds of sirens ringing in his ears. Not-unusual for a Friday.

Parking in an empty spot a block down the street he was too caught up in hunger and anxiety that he failed to notice the blue lights flashing in his peripheral vision.

After that everything seemed to move at lightning speed and slow motion at the same time. The flowers in his hands dropped on the pavement. They landed with a bounce that sent yellow and white petals flying. The distinct crinkle of the wrapping filled the air as a passing car's wheels crushed the flowers further into the asphalt. His hands flew at miraculous speeds whipping out his phone speed dialing your number.

Every sense coursing through his body was heightened. The feeling of his phone pressed against his ear. The ringing tone bore through his skull. His feet pounded on the street. Your voicemail message making the knot in his stomach grow. He thought he was going to puke.

'Take care of it after you know Y/N is okay," he thought. Knowing you had done the same for him.

Flashback

"jOeY," Y/N called, clearly tipsy but still extremely worried.

He was on the ground, his head throbbed. Why? He couldn't tell you. Later he found out it was because the table he and Ben were dancing on had tipped sending both flyings. Yet, the concussion he had was attended too by Y/N before she dealt with her food poisoning.

End Flashback

Arriving at the apartment building was overwhelming. The yellow police tape was bright enough to give him a headache. The lights sure weren't helping. His eyes strained trying to find you. Dozens of people and law enforcement officers were there. Everyone with Y/H made his heart skip a beat in anticipation. He ran a hand through his hair still whipping his head around in all directions. Your number ringing again and again on the phone in his hand that was practically glued to his right ear.  

The sight of a frantic redhead caught the attention of an officer who explained that an apartment had been broken into, and he would be able to return to his apartment in about an hour or so.

"My girlfriend," Joe panicked, not registering what words had come out of his mouth.

"Sir-"

"She was in our apartment, hasn't picked up her phone, I was gone for like twenty minutes, getting food, Whose apartment was it? Was anyone hurt? Oh, and I got flowers, yellow ones, and white ones, but I dropped them" He rambled to the officer, still looking for your figure among the crowds.

"Sir, it was 239 C"

Those words made him freeze,

"Oh, god. That's ours,"

"Sir, come with me," The officer said whilst lifting up the obnoxious yellow tape. Motioning him to follow.

You were sitting on the front steps of the apartment complex. Your phone buzzed in your lap, Joe still hadn't hung up, but you were to numb to notice the vibrations. Your mind still fixated on the shake of your hands. A pair of strong hands over yours had snapped you out of your daze. Your wish had been answered.

"Y/N?" Joe asked nervously as he kneeled on the pavement, his jeans not providing much protection from the rough concrete, but it was a minute detail that didn't matter. The only thing that did matter, was the feeling of your hand's under his.

"Joe," you said letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"I-I - you're okay," He whispered looking up at you.

"Yeah, the EMT's cleared me," you responded quietly looking back at him. You were clearly not at your best but it didn't matter, it was Joe. You had walked into the intruder leaving, they did nothing but push you into the room on top of glass shards before sprinting away. The cut above your eyebrow and on your lip were only superficial and didn't need stitches. Overall you were okay. Especially now that Joe was here.

With the assurance that you were okay, there was no hesitation. One hand stayed on yours the other gently moved to your chin. At the same time, one of yours moved with to touch his on your chin. He leaned in gently. Carefully and sweetly kissing you. It seemed as if your lips were molded to fit together. His were soft. So were yours, despite the cut. After what felt like an eternity he pulled back so that your foreheads were touching. "You're okay," he repeated one more time breathlessly.

"I am Joe, I am more than okay," You said with a tight-lipped smile.

After staying like that for a while until Joe slowly stood up,

"Come on, let's get you out of here, we can deal with all of this in the morning," Joe said, still not letting go of your hand.

"Where?" You asked, not in the right mindset to think about it.

"I'll call Rami, don't worry about it," he said reassuringly waiting while you stood.

The pace back to his car was slow, meandering. Your hands still connected as they swung gently with the momentum of your walk. The flowers were still there. Still crushed, though they had been embedded further into the asphalt by the weight of cars. Joe's eyes glanced at them, their meaning still there, yet they were no longer needed. He was sure that the flowers wouldn't change the outcome of the night.

Your hands broke briefly as you climbed in respective seats in the car. Joe dialed Rami's number as your hands reconnected over the center console. Instead of tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel his free hand's thumb rubbed over your knuckles. Silence filling the atmosphere with a sense of calm and affection that would have been ruined by the 90's rap that was constantly blasting in Joe's car.

The second time your hand's drifted apart that night was when you had arrived at Rami's apartment in a suburb outside of New York. Lucy and Rami went out to embrace the two of you. Lucy’s arms wrapped around your shoulders gently as you walked up the stairs. No one really talked about details, they were just glad to see you okay. 

It was late. It had to be around 11:45, but you paid no attention to the time. The entire night had been a blur and you were ready to go to bed.

Soon you were in a borrowed sweatshirt, which Lucy swore was hers, but you knew it was Rami's. Thankfully he was too tired to say anything about it. The dining room had been made into a makeshift bedroom like it had been hundreds of times when the cast was too drunk to drive home. Two air mattresses with matching duvet sets, certainly from IKEA replaced the table and chairs. Lucy had kissed your cheek goodnight and placed a knowing hand on Joe's shoulder before the actual official couple returned to their room.

"Hey," you spoke up softly looking up at Joe.

He was probably telling the rest of the boys what had happened. You could never be too careful, you could never know if your address was leaked or if it was pure chance that it was your apartment broken into.

However, at the sound of your voice, Joe placed the phone down and sat next to you. The air mattress shifted sending you two a little closer.

"Hey," he responded looking at you with the softest expression you had ever seen. He clearly cared. "Still doing okay?" he asked searching your expression for pain or fear.

"Yea, especially now that you're here," you responded leaning your head on his shoulder.

If he was taken back by your action, Joe didn't show it. He pressed a kiss to your temple, whispering sweet nothings into your hair. Mostly to himself, but you heard it. Soon he was holding you in his arms, your head on his chest, your hands intertwined once again. You had fallen asleep long ago, Joe, however, was soaking in the affection like it was the last time, which it most certainly wasn't. Both of your prayers had been answered, your hands had found their way into his.

[anonymous-wolf22]

Fuck Yeah

1: Name   Kai

2: Age   22

3: 3 Fears   Fiance leaving me, never meeting him face-to-face, being alone with my thoughts

4: 3 things I love   My fiance, food/desserts, and animals ^^

5: 4 turns on   Hell, anything my fiance says to me, forced to submit, pain, and just looking at my fiance

6: 4 turns off   Talking bout my parents, my current life situation, thinking about a certain asshole, and my depressing thoughts seeping through

7: My best friend  That one’s hard.... It’s a tie between David and Kiana, though I’m leaning more towards David

8: Sexual orientation   Bi-sexual <3

9: My best first date   What first date?

10: How tall am I   5.1 ft   :’(

11: What do I miss   Triple Chocolate Fudge Cake

12: What time were I born   1:03 pm

13: Favorite color   Black, Red, Purple, and Blue

14: Do I have a crush   Yep :)

15: Favorite quote     I got lots

“It’s funny how someone can break your heart and you still love them with all the tiny pieces”

“I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you”

“The demons are back and stronger than ever. They are looking for a fight, looking to win, and this time, I might just let them.....”

16: Favorite place   Does in my fiances arms count if I haven’t been there yet?

17: Favorite food   They are all number 1 <3

18: Do I use sarcasm   Sometimes

19: What am I listening to right now   Criminal by Britney Spears

20: First thing I notice in new person   Hmm, the way they act, their personality~

21: Shoe size  Fuck, idk lmao

22: Eye color  Blue

23: Hair color  Dirty-Blonde  (Wish it was black)

24: Favorite style of clothing   I don’t know, I guess loose and comfy

25: Ever done a prank call?   Can’t remember

27: Meaning behind my URL   Don’t have one

28: Favorite movie   Fuck, uhhhh..... Deadpool 1&2    for now~

29: Favorite song   Lot’s,   Baby Don’t Cut - Bmike,   Anxiety - Blackbear,   Hold On - Chord Overstreet, and more fucking depressing songs <3

30: Favorite band   Hmmm.... Ramstein

31: How I feel right now   Eh, depressed, loved, horny, sad, upset, happy, it’s all jumbled up

32: Someone I love  My fiance~

33: My current relationship status   Engaged <3 <3

34: My relationship with my parents   I wouldn’t care if they died, not going to lie, I would do it if there were no consequences

35: Favorite holiday   Halloween ;o

36: Tattoos and piercing i have   Sadly, no tats yet. Only piercings I have so far, are my ears

37: Tattoos and piercing i want   Tattoo: A knife going through a skull with chains loosely wrapped around it   Piercing:  The tip of my ears

38: The reason I joined Tumblr   My fiance told me about it, and it was an easier way for us to chat with each other and send each other all of the dirty little naughty things we want~

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?   I don’t know if he hates me, but I don’t know if I hate him, I’m just fucked up and confused

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?   Sometimes

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?   Nope, but I hope to soon~

42: When did I last hold hands?   Hold hands? I think that was in 8th grade when my friend Kiana was dragging me away from the bullies

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?  Like 5-10 minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?   Yep

45: Where am I right now?   In my cursed room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?   Depends, where am I? In England, my fiance. Here? I don’t know, Kiana

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?   Depends on the type of music playing, and also what it’s playing from, like headphones.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?   Unfortunately

49: Am I excited for anything?   2024 :3

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?   Yep

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?   Honestly? 97% of the time

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?   I don’t know, uhmmm..... think it was in 11th grade

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?   Well, that’s a hard one, cause I have yet to kiss anyone. But, say if it was my fiance, I would slap the shit out of whoever he is kissing, and probably shove a stick up their @$$

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?   ....

55: What is something I disliked about today?   No chocolate

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?   My fiance, I just want him in front of me and to hug him and never let go~

57: What do I think about most?   2024, Desserts, Fiance, Music, Pets, unfortunately, John 

58: What’s my strangest talent?   Uhhh.... Don’t really have any, I guess hiding how I truly feel inside

59: Do I have any strange phobias?   Is being deathly afraid of ants a strange phobia?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?   Behind, 100%

61: What was the last lie I told?   That I was fine

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?   I don’t know, they both seem a bit weird to me

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?   Ghosts, yes. Aliens? I don’t know

64: Do I believe in magic?   Who knows

65: Do I believe in luck?   Sometimes

66: What’s the weather like right now?   Clear

67: What was the last book I’ve read?   A fan-fiction of RWBY

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?   Yesssss

69: Do I have any nicknames?   K

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?   My arm twisting completely around

71: Do I spend money or save it?   Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?   Nope :(

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?   Eww, fuck noooo

74: Favorite animal?   Entire Cat family and wolves

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?   Watching “Love 020″ on Netflix

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?   Hmmm.... I have no clue, never really thought about it

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?   Lots, but, definitely this one:   Dream of You - Camila Cabello and Battle Scars - Lupe Fiasco

78: How can you win my heart?   Be mindful of how I truly feel, care for me like no one ever has, be a dominant

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?   "I had so many battle scars from my war, but my love healed them away~”

80: What is my favorite word?   Chocolate

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr   @thelonewolf84  @we-are-beautiful-s0uls @britishdom 

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?   I don’t give a fuck what you think about who I love

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?   Yeah, my bio-father

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?   Invisibility

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?   What my thoughts are about my ex or how I feel towards him or what I would say if I was allowed the chance to ask him 1 thing

86: What is my current desktop picture?   I have it on shuffle, but currently it’s on a picture of an anime boy playing the piano in the rain

87: Had sex?   Not yet ;)

88: Bought condoms?   Nope

89: Gotten pregnant?  Do I seriously need to answer that?

90: Failed a class?   Yes.... I think

91: Kissed a boy?   Not yet ;)

92: Kissed a girl?   Nope

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?   Haven’t kissed anyone!!! Omg

94: Had job?   Not yet

95: Left the house without my wallet?   What wallet?

96: Bullied someone on the internet?   Fuck no!

97: Had sex in public?    -sigh-

98: Played on a sports team?   Yep, soccer and baseball when I was 8-11

99: Smoked weed?   Nope

100: Did drugs?   Nope

101: Smoked cigarettes?   Almost

102: Drank alcohol?   Mhm

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?   Fuck no! I want my bacon and kielbasa!!!

104: Been overweight?   Nope

105: Been underweight?   Currently am

106: Been to a wedding?   Yep, my aunts

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?   Yes lol, longer

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?    Yes lol, longer

109: Been outside my home country?   Not yet

110: Gotten my heart broken?   ....yes.....

111: Been to a professional sports game?   I...think so....?

112: Broken a bone?   Many, many times. I was very clumsy in my teens, I still am but have yet to break any bones so far

113: Cut myself?   Yes and yes, to both ways

114: Been to prom?   No, skipped it

115: Been in airplane?   -shivers-  Too scared to be in one, but I will have to when I go to England

116: Fly by helicopter?   Nope

117: What concerts have I been to?   None

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?   Yep

119: Learned another language?   Mhm, spanish

120: Wore make up?   No

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?    Still a virgin.....

122: Had oral sex?   Nope

123: Dyed my hair?   Want to

124: Voted in a presidential election?    Nope, fuck politics

125: Rode in an ambulance?   Yep

126: Had a surgery?   Mhm

127: Met someone famous?    Nope

128: Stalked someone on a social network?   Hehe....yeah lol

129: Peed outside?    I don’t remember if I have or have not

130: Been fishing?   Yes... My instructor ate the worms ;-;

131: Helped with charity?   Yep ^^

132: Been rejected by a crush?   Yep

133: Broken a mirror?   Yeah

134: What do I want for birthday?   Depends, which birthday? This year, Triple Chocolate Fudge cake. 2024, to be in my fiance’s arms~

[desivision]

The Desi Guide to Binge-Watching in the Holiday Season

I remember going to watch the comedy “Luv Shuv Te Chicken Khurana” at AMC Mercado in Santa Clara California a few years back. There were 3 people in the theater that afternoon. My girlfriend and I, both die-hard Bollywood first day first show fanatics. And a white guy. The movie was a slow disappointment, but the white guy loved it. He told us that he came for the color, the song, and the dance and didn't mind if the experience may be marred by badly contexed sub-titles.

Bollywood forgets that the greater audience may be beyond the desi crowd. Some filmmakers need to start thinking about that paradigm. Every time a bhangra song plays in a club, the white people love swinging into action. Holi at Stanford is mostly white and most technology companies are hotbeds of Indian culture, led by Bollywood styling.

 As Desis, Bollywood is our expression, whether we were born in the sub-continent or not, whether we moved out of India decades ago or are fresh off the boat; we know the songs, we dance to the tunes, we dress influenced by the stars, we follow their Instagram feeds, our karaoke sessions are Bollywood the theme, our conversations are lined with famous dialogues from Bollywood movies, we line up for miles outside theaters when a Rajni movie releases, we turn up in thousands when the stars visit to perform, we represent our Desiness through a lot of nuances borrowed from Bollywood. Bollywood is a big expression. Almost 2 billion people around the world get it.

Here is our recommendation list for the Christmas holidays. Whether you are a Bollywood fan or not, the quality and expression of this content will warm you this season.

  Number 10   Haq Se

Loosely based on  Louisa May Alcott's Little Women, the depiction of the lives of 4 sisters in Kashmir during the conditions it is in is a beautifully poignant story about the aspirations and ambitions of women and the society. A must watch for beautiful scenery and excellent performances by all actors. Starring Rajiv Khandelwal. Surveen Chawla, Simone Singh, directed by Ken Ghosh, Set in the turbulent terrorist infested Kashmir, the story revolves around the Mirza sisters. In Kashmir, where the society is conditioned to be very misogynistic and patriarchal. Women are suppressed and they can't voice their opinion or create their paths. This is the story of the women who dare to. Warm Kashmir colors are perfect for your holiday binge watching. View Trailer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orP_-9rWWy8

 Streaming on Alt Balaji

  Number 9 Inside Edge

Inside Edge is the story of the Mumbai Mavericks, a T20 cricket franchise playing in the Powerplay League. ... almost a virtue, where sex, money, and power are mere means to an end, 2 seasons of this series are a treat to watch. Created by Pawan Anshuman, starring Richa Chadha, Vivek Oberoi, Angad Bedi and Aamir Bashir, it's a perfect holiday watch for cricket fans.

Watch promo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es_cjyjeYbc

Streaming on Amazon Prime

   Number 8 Vir Das Jestination Unknown

Vir Das and his friends travel across India to find what out what India finds funny and inoffensive. It is a beautifully unscripted portrayal of the immense diversity of India through the lens of what is the most spontaneous script and reactions.

Though a short season, the entire narrative is binge-worthy and engaging. Perfect for a family binge.

View Promo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-gb-rOVLaU

Streaming on Amazon Prime

  Number 7 Sacred Games

The hair-raising plot of India's first Netflix Original is one of the highly-raved shows. The riveting cat-and-mouse game is a mixture of amazing storytelling, a fluent narrative, and brilliant acting. Sacred Games has the brilliant Nawazuddin Siddiqui playing an evil gangster and Saif Ali Khan as a troubled cop and Radhika Apte plays an intelligence officer, SG is directed by the impeccable Anurag Kashyap. PS : Not a family watch though but bingable for the holidays.

View Promo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfPJfBeDBtE

Streaming on Netflix

   Number 6 Powder

Powder is one of those underrated show which more than nine years old and a bit ahead of its time. The show aired on Sony TV in 2010 and went off the air due to poor ratings. Thankfully, Netflix resurrected it from the dusty corners and now offers it to everyone. The show follows a team of Narcotics Control Bureau (NCB) officers as they team up to arrest a group of drug traffickers, peddlers, and smugglers. Sure, it's nothing like Narcos, but if you like those kinds of drug crime dramas, then it might be the one for you. Interestingly, this show premiered about five years before Narcos went on air.

The show brings together an amazing cast comprising of Pankaj Tripathi, Rasika Dugal, Manish Choudhary, and Geetika Tyagi.

Quite Bingable for the holidays

Promo is here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7aL1FrEg14&feature=emb_logo&ab_channel=KaranSingh

Streaming on Netflix

 Number 5 Mirzapur

Starring starring Pankaj Tripathi, Ali Fazal, Vikrant Massey, Shweta Tripathi, Shriya Pilgaonkar, Rasika Dugal, Harshita Gaur, Divyendu Sharma,  Kulbhushan Kharband and Amit Sial, this is a brilliant crime thriller directed by Karan Anshuman and Gurmmeet Singh. With the rivetting fast paced story of the nine episodes of Season 1, this is a sure shor binge watch for the holidays for thriller buffs.

 View Promo here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNeGF-PvRHY&ab_channel=AmazonPrimeVideoIndia

Streaming on Amazon Prime

 Number 4  Yeh Rishtey hain Pyar Ke

Out of all the sitcoms airing on Indian Television, we love and recommend this show for holiday binge-watching. Its young, uninhibited and has a surprising storyline of a young couple and an evil mom, yet there is no regular drama in dealing with the situation. The actors are well-chosen and a few episodes into the show, you will fall in love with the characters and believe their love story. You will cry with them, you will laugh with them and put on loop their beautiful moments. This is not your traditional desi serial so be prepared for a genuine breath of fresh air.

In short, you will want to fall into the love they share. Directed by Ashish Shrivastava, produced by Rajan Shahi at Directorskutproduction; the almost 200 episodes already streaming on hotstar could be your romantic holiday season binge. The actors Shaheer Sheikh, Rhea Sharma and Ritvick Arora are well cast and carry the show on their able shoulders. A must romantic see.

View promos here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQBDIonjD1k&ab_channel=StarPlus

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=vENv9EC10W4&feature=emb_logo

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD4uqqRkU2M&feature=emb_logo&ab_channel=StarPlus

 Streaming on Hotstar

 Number 3 Breathe

Breathe has undoubtedly taken the Indian storytelling to another level. The plot revolves around the lives of ordinary men who are faced with unexpected situations.

Kabir Sawant, a talented officer of the criminal division, assembles the missing pieces of unrelated deaths, all of which lead him to a common suspect. It is exciting to watch how the drama unfolds between the suspect who is trying to save his dying son and the officer who is adamant to impart justice. Starring R. Madhavan, Amit Sadh, Sapna Pabbi

 Produced by Vikram Malhotra .  Completely Bingable.

View promo : https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=OstwwYcz8nI&feature=emb_logo

Streaming on Amazon Prime, An Amazon Prime Original . Watch with VPN since it is not available for USA audiences. ( for some reason)

  Number 2 Delhi Crime

Depicting the most notorious rape case in India, Delhi Crime has won major critical acclaim since it aired the first season. Its second season has also been announced after the success of the first.

It stars Shefali Shah, Adil Hussain, Rasika Dugal, Rajesh Tailang, and many other brilliant actors. The series is based on the 2012 Delhi gang-rape case, which is widely known as the Nirbhaya case. A 23-year-old girl and her male friend were beaten up and brutally assaulted in a running bus near Munirka in New Delhi while they were going home after catching a movie.

The girl was gang-raped and assaulted with an iron rod, following which the pair was thrown naked and injured on the road, after which the culprits tried to run them over with the bus. Delhi Crime tells the story from the perspective of the Delhi Police and how they dealt with what emerged as the most brutal rape case ever seen in India.

This is the most riveting depiction of the horror of rape and the aftermath.

 View Promo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNuKwlKJx2E&feature=emb_logo&ab_channel=Netflix

 Streaming on Netflix. A Netflix original.

Number 1 The Family Man

Srikant Tiwari is a middle-class man who also serves as a world-class spy. Srikant tries to balance his familial responsibilities with the demands of the highly secretive special cell of the National Intelligence  Agency that he is working for. While he tries to protect the nation from terrorists, he also has to protect his family from the impact of his secretive, high-pressure, and low paying job.

Gripping Screenplay, dark humor, middle-class frame of reference, Enthralling, engrossing, riveting narrative. All of what makes this Manoj Bajpayee, Priyamani, Gul Panag web series such a top of the list for holidays binge. Notably, this is directed by Raj and DJ, the guys behind Stree and Bala.

 View Promo here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XatRGut65VI&ab_channel=AmazonPrimeVideoIndia

 Streaming on Amazon Prime, An Amazon Prime Original.

[spongeekat]

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) Chapter 3

Masterlist Here

Day 3 - Tuesday

Peter’s hand rubbed against the zipper track beginning above the curve of his spine, fingertips again coming up empty. His arms dropped uselessly against his side, groaning to audibly show his disappointment.

His zipper was there somewhere. He heard it dinging against the metal teeth up the length of his back, and if he kept feeling for it he would find it.

Peter yawned, tears peeking out from the corners of his eyes, as his fingers continued to prod in the small of his back. He was completely and utterly exhausted. The night previous perusing the city had been brimming with robberies, car jackings, and muggings, as if the slight increase in temperature prompted every convict to crawl out of their hiding spots to wreak havoc. He’d clawed himself into his bed sometime around 5 AM, caught 2 hours of sleep, and was out the door sprinting to class by 7:00. He was looking for any reason not to go on patrol, even if it was as minor as an unlocatable zipper, to at least give him a chance to rest for a few seconds.

His gloves eventually brushed the pull tab, and he deflated. Guess he had to finish suiting up. He tugged the zipper up to his neck and fiddled with the spandex momentarily, pulling it snug in all the right places.

That was, until a knock on his window pane had the tired boy jumping 5 feet in the air and throwing himself backwards into a defensive position on his furthest wall. His toes firmly drug to a stop on the wallpaper, one arm shooting out with his fingers ready to tap his web-shooters if need be. There was a muted scuffling behind the glass, though his curtains were drawn so he couldn’t see who was there. It didn’t take long to figure out, however.

“ Petey, Petey, Petey, Petee-eee-ey ~” The intruder was caroling his name to the tune of Jolene , repeating his knuckle raps obnoxiously to the beat of the song. “ I’m begging of you please just let me in. ”

“Wade?” Peter snapped as realization sunk in to his chest. It took seconds to calm his adrenaline-ridden heartbeat, more relieved that he wasn’t about to face a criminal than he was mad Wade had nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. He peeled himself silently off the wall, taking short, but annoyed, steps to stand behind the curtains without drawing them. “What the hell, dude? You scared the pants off of me. Why are you on my fire escape? And singing Dolly Parton?”

Wade hummed the rest of the verse to himself, presumably out of parodying song lyrics, before he started to whisper-yell. “Ignoring the fact I should totally make fun of you for what you said, I’m here to check up on you! I said I was going to keep those sweet cheeks safe. Can I come in?”

“Into my bedroom?” Peter asked, weakly, swallowing the suggestive- but intrusive- thoughts that the question entailed. “Um, I’m kinda...preoccupied.”

“Ooo oooh ?”

“Not like that!” Peter groaned, smacking a hand to blanket the reddening of his cheeks. God, he had to change, and fast. He tore the zipper undone he had put in so much effort to find, shoving the suit off his shoulders and hips. “Give me a second!” He kicked the rest of fabric off and lodged it under his bed, using a pillow for extra cover to be safe. His web shooters clattered into the lockable drawer on his desk, the cartridges following them. Shutting the drawer so hard it shuddered, he located the first clothing options in sight; a pair of fluffy pajama pants and an Einstein shirt 2 sizes too big (which was totally a gag gift from MJ months ago that he’d never put  away), which he shimmied into. Confident that he had probablyconcealed every Spidey related item in his panic, he drew open the curtains and flashed Wade an unimpressed look. And there he was, in his full-suited glory, hanging upside down on the rail of Peter’s fire escape as if it was a playset.

“I have a few questions.” Peter said as he pushed the glass open, the screen absent due to years of him climbing out for his nightly routine. Wade didn’t seem to notice- or at least didn’t comment on the lack of one- looking ecstatic that he even answered. “First...why didn’t you call to check up on me? Or use the front door?” He gestured vaguely towards the direction of the living room to accentuate his point.

“You barely texted me today.” Wade answered, curling so he was sitting on top of the bar and facing Peter. The sit-up made his muscles bulge in the leather covering his thighs and abdomen and Peter inhaled carefully to maintain a level expression. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t lonely. Also, I missed you.”

“Good to know.” Peter rolled his eyes, watching Wade drop to hang upside-down childishly. “Just come in. You’re gonna break the rails.”

“Me? Getting on the VIP list to Peter’s bedroom? I feel like I got a golden ticket! Move aside, Willy Wonka!” Wade dropped himself to his hands, flipped ungracefully on his feet, and followed Peter’s lead to let him crawl inside the apartment. His muddy boots hit the carpet and he managed to pull his entire body inside the small opening. He paused upon straightening up, giving his bedroom the same scrutinizing examination he had to the living room his first time visiting. “Never mind. I wanna go outside again. You’re messy, and that’s something coming from me.”

Peter stared at him silently. The mercenary shrugged and half-lept to fall on top of his mattress. “Kidding. It’s cute. It fits you.”  

Peter did his best to ignore the creaking noise of his bed, making his way to his office chair to sit across the room. “I appreciate the housecall, but is that the only reason you came? I actually was kinda in the middle of something.”

“I’m hurt. I brought home-cooked meals and you already wanna kick me out?” Wade gasped in faux-pain, pulling off his pink Hello Kitty backpack. He drew out a grocery bag filled with containers, setting it beside the foot of the bed.

Peter was taken aback, a slightly stunned expression passing over his face. His outward appearance hardly changed, yet his stomach churned nervously at the thoughtful gesture. “You cook?”

“Nah, they’re frozen, but I make a mean pancake in case you’re ever interested. It’s the thought that counts though, right?”

“Thanks.” Peter rubbed his forearm, finding anywhere else to look to avoid staring at Wade.

“Soooo, what’s a kid like you busy doing tonight?” Wade asked as he stretched out across his comforter, propping his feet up on his mattress. “Playing games? Watching porn? Still wallowing about that ex-girlfriend that’s pregnant with someone else’s money-burner?”

“What? No, there’s no ex-girlfriend, dude, I already said that.” Peter muttered, struggling not to let his vision wander to his Spidey suit shoved  beneath Wade’s sitting place. “I have a lot of homework I have to catch up on.”

“Boooo-oring.” Wade kicked a few of his pillows aside, rolling onto his side as his bed squeaked again. Peter desperately needed that noise to stop if he was going to guard his sanity.

“Okay, well, this was a great visit and all, but you can text me next time you wanna play therapist, okay?” Peter pushed himself to his feet, walking over to offer his hand to Wade to help him up. He stood there a moment with no reaction, Wade seemingly refusing to accept it, instead sitting up on his own.

“Do you seriously want me to go?” Wade asked, a weird tone ebbing into his voice. Was he confused? Disappointed? Peter wasn’t .

“I-I mean, yeah, I already said I was busy.” He was trying to not sound as annoyed as he felt, but his throat was taut with irritation. It wasn’t quite with Wade, though, because he was trying to be nice. Mostly he was upset with himself; with his inability to execute with his plans that had landed him in a difficult situation he couldn’t imagine resolving without either or both of them ending up hurt; with his emotions that were so intense they were painful, only made worse by the fact Wade was acting so generous to him outside of his superhero identity; and with the fact Wade knew his name, his family situation, and where he lived. Yet he still wasn’t able to bring himself to say that simple sentence.

I’m Spider-Man.

He’d been ready to lay it all out on the line two days ago, albeit with hesitancy, but somehow he had convinced himself that Wade might actually start to reciprocate his feelings if he knew the man behind the mask. His gaze trailed to the plastic bag still resting on the mattress. He had gone out of his way to care for him multiple times. He might be a fun project for Wade to pass the time, but Peter didn’t think he would go this far for some kid he found fun to mess with.

Peter’s eyelids screwed shut, his mind piecing together a way to confront the issue. He could ask him why he was hanging around, and hopefully conversation would naturally circulate back to Sunday night. “H-Hey, Dea-”

“I’ll get out of your hair.” Peter suddenly felt the air change and Wade was towering him, his much larger frame barely an inch from his chest. He had to turn his head up at a steep angle to look at him. There wasn’t the usual humor in his words, and his body language was a lot more tense. Terrific. An upset Wade was never fun. He always had to dig to even get a hint of what was bothering him.

“What?” Peter blinked, watching as Wade shimmied passed him to grab his pack and sling it on his shoulder.

“You said you had stuff to do. I can tell when I’m a problem, Petey-Sweetie. Glad to see you didn’t off yourself today. Good job on that.” Wade shoved the window he had come in open, poking a leg out so that it connected with the grate of the fire escape. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

Peter chewed on his lower lip, his confession filed away in a queue of things to tell Wade in the future. He gave a short nod, guilt immediately radiating in the pit of his abdomen. “Thanks...for this all. Sorry to cut this so short. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“You better. I’ll be waiting.” Wade dropped his pack out the sill, waiting for it to clang against the metal, then ducked his body out of the small cavity. He grabbed his bag, moved to grip onto the ladder leading down into the darkness, then craned his neck to shout one last thing. “You  should get a window screen. You’ll get spiders or ants in your room if you leave it open like this.”

Peter suppressed a spurt of ironic laughter, settling for an amused half-smile instead. “I’ll remember that. Goodnight, Deadpool.”

His weight made the ladder rattle and bang on the poles obnoxiously, probably annoying every other neighbor underneath him, until the sound disappeared and Wade had run off. Once Peter wasn’t able hear his boots scraping the asphalt he pulled his curtains shut, finally feeling able to breathe.

He bent to grab the meal containers, to put them in the freezer before he left for his patrol. It was quite the stock of food, enough to stop him from starving for the rest of the week that Aunt May was absent, and his stomach growled in appreciation.

Maybe he’d see Wade on patrol as Spider-Man, and they’d converse with the comfortable familiarity that had developed naturally between them through years. Wade would make some flirtatious joke, along with one about the spider being his hero that had the strength punch him into another timeline, and they’d team up and be on their way. Peter would be able to feel like his strong, normal self. They’d be friends and superheroes, and not a weak kid and his supposed guardian angel. No lies hanging heavily between them.

He’d muse on Wade’s kindness, that he didn’t deserve, later. For now, he pulled his spidey suit out  and started dragging it up his legs. He had a city to protect, people to save, and his angst would have to be put on reserve for another day.

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 15

Title & Song:  Sympathy For The Devil

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Word Count: 3600+

Summary: Genevieve is a force to be reckoned with. An intelligent, independent and brutal businesswoman. She’s been intrigued by Alfie since she met him. But where will she draw the line between business and pleasure now that they are working so closely together? Genevieve is all flash but will their time spent together start to show the cracks in her powerful facade?

A/N: Every chapter of this story will have a song to work as the title and as a soundtrack. Chapter song is Sympathy For The Devil by The Rolling Stones. The songs give a good background to the stories and have some further insight into the characters. Positive feedback is MUCH appreciated! Reblogs, likes and comments feed this artists beast to write more!

Part 1: Thieves & Kings.- Pt. 2 Conquest - Pt. 3 Nail In My Coffin - Pt. 4 - 60 Feet Tall Pt. 5 I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor Pt. 6 Stop The World Pt 7 Making A Fool Of You Pt 8 L'Amour et la violence Pt 9 Play With Fire Pt 10 Black Treacle Pt 11 These Stones Will Shout Pt 12 Fireside Pt 13 Trouble Pt 14 Tighten Up Pt 16 Don’t Speak

My Masterlist.

Tags! Let me know if you’d like to be added or dropped! Thanks!

@fangirlfreakingout @jaegeeeeer@cosettewinchester @lookuptheskyisfalling-blog@brianaisasongbird @cry5t4l-w4rri0r @iliveonchocolateandnetflix@jess2464  @hardygal69 @thegarrisonpublichouse @a-flock-of-angry-pigeons​ @pootle

You are once again spending your Friday night in the study with Alfie. This was becoming a reoccurring theme.  He's sunk back into the couch in front of the fire. His glasses sit on his nose, it buried in a book. His feet covered in slippers and crossed at his ankles, the grey fabric matching the pajamas he was wearing, all covered in patterned light silk robe you'd talked him into trying on and he'd actually loved it. He hadn't admitted it but you'd seen him in the kitchen in the middle of the night wearing it and seemingly nothing else. Once you'd seen this you knew your theory about it feeling good with his sensitive skin was indeed correct. Aggie had pulled you out of bed to see him, and although you hadn't been opposed to getting to see him in such a way, you found her matchmaker tactics a bit heavy handed even if they were well-intentioned.

You're sitting incorrectly in a chair, sweet sucked in your mouth, a common approach to lounging in your home. At first it had caught Alfie off guard, catching you upside down and sideways in chairs reading. He'd even come across you perched on table tops and laying on stair banisters in the sun much like a cat on occasion. Currently, you're sitting with your knees bent, legs hanging over the back of the chair, your back in the seat. You've been staring at the ceiling for a bit, just letting your mind wander where it wanted.

You were contemplating Alfie Solomons currently, as you found yourself doing far too often lately. Watching his nostrils flare and nose twitch over his fluffy mustache. You contemplated the charming glasses that sat atop his nose. His heavy, focused brow atop piercing eyes, even without the powerful look behind them, the blue enough to stand on its own and still affect a woman without the addition of intent behind them. You smile at his dark hair, currently lax and messy, longer bits falling about his forehead and ears. He was in such a state, as he'd had a bath after dinner and was now in full recline for the long haul into the night with the lovely plans of doing nothing in particular. His gingery beard, in a mix match to his dark hair reminds you of a Calico cat and makes you hum quietly in amusement. His rough hands with scaled knuckles hold an old book, you think you recognize the language to be Russian. He clears his throat, completely unaware of your study of him. You find yourself jealous you can't read Russian. You knew a handful of swears and basic directions from your childhood nurse, Ida but you only had very limited knowledge past that. You chew the inside of your cheek and consider learning Russian. You shift your weight in the chair, contemplating how intelligent he is. And not in the obnoxious academia way that you were too well acquainted with. He wasn't simply informed, he was clever. Your favorite expression of this being his quick and funny wit. Your mind then reminds you of how much he made you laugh, causing your nose to wrinkle subtly in consideration of how much you enjoyed his company. You switch back to considering the breadth of his knowledge before you take too many steps down that road of thought. Surely there were things for you to learn from this brain.

"Alfie?" you call out inquisitively.

"Hmm?" he says with a grunt, eyes not leaving his book.

"How well versed are you in Faberge?" you ask while you swivel yourself around, legs now over the side of the chair, your back against the opposite arm. His eyes look up from his book and over at you.

"Quite a bit, sweetheart. What d'ya want to know?" he removes his glasses and closes his book.

"Oh, nothing in particular," you shake your head. "I was just thinking about them." you say biting your lip. "Have you ever come across one?"

"I 'ave." he nods, bottom lip jutted out just slightly.

"Which?" you pry enthusiastically.

"Lillies of the Valley and a few of the Russian ones, but I didn't get as good of a look at 'em as I did the Lillies." he says with a fond, nostalgic tone.

"Mmmm." you hum contently at the thought.  "I've heard it's breathtaking, covered in pearls with shimmering pinks and greens." you hand emphasizes the description and lands on your chest.

"Stunning, it was." he nods. "What about you?"

"I've seen five different eggs." He blinks at you, very surprised. "I had friends with exceptionally rich fathers growing up." you explain with a chuckle and a wave of your hand. "One was a Kelch, and the others from the Imperial collection." he nods in thought, his eyes looking down to the ground. "Seeing as my encounters outnumber yours, might I interest you in adding another egg to the list of those you've seen?" you grin sheepishly.

"Is this your way of asking me about a job?" he says, a singular brow raised in a scolding expression.

"No. I have one." you savor the look on his face as it shifts quickly before your eyes.

"Ya fuckin' what?!" he shouts, his brow shooting up in his excitement that was masked by a mean tone. "In the fuckin' house?" he says just as loudly, cutting you off and your smile grows wider as you see that familiar enthusiasm.

"Yes." you nod and give him an obvious expression. "Where else would I keep them?" you say in a playfully condescending way.

"Why'd you never mention this before?" his eyes blink rapidly at you, he leans forward in the seat, his tone stung slightly with offense.

"I didn't know if I could trust you now, did I?" you say, turning to sit in the chair normally. "I couldn't have you going and stealing my favorite things because then I'd have to kill you and that would be a great big fucking mess to deal with." you chuckle as you stand from the chair. "Besides, it's in my bedroom and I'm not about to go invite a known criminal to come in and get his hands all over my precious things as soon as he walks in the door." You smirk at him, making your way across the room, being entirely cheeky with the double meaning of your words.

"Well no one can say you aren't smart, Genevieve." he says with a chuckle, eyes watching you as he sits up in the chair.

"A man has to earn these sorts of things from me." you state, your hands on your hips. "I suppose you've earned it, Solomons." you say in a playful tone as he stands from the couch.

He's standing in the doorway of your massive bedroom. You've disappeared into a doorway to change out of the dress you'd been wearing, Informing him to stay as if he were a pet. He takes in the room, finding himself almost intimidated, highly intrigued and slightly aroused.  Everything felt plush and luxurious as soon as you walked in, the thick rug beneath his feet,  the velvet fabric hanging from the bed and walls, the pale grey paint covered in pictures. Paintings of all sizes in bold, elaborate gold frames in a well-spaced collage across the room. Among the squared paintings hung portraits of you and of others he didn't recognize, depictions of gods and goddesses, and acts of biblical brutality. The huge canopy bed, draped in black velvet curtains sits in a circular space, huge tufted with gold buttons headboard sitting very close to the solid wall that sat between two huge windows. The curtains matched those of the canopy, everything else in the room in gold and rich jewel tones. A black based, but brightly patterned rug covers most of the floor, the wood beneath it stained almost as dark. The furniture all a matched set, a beige-white and gold filigree exterior, a similar look you had in many rooms of the house.

He walks to a bookcase, books in many different languages, some very old and well read, some new with uncracked spines in rows. The ones he could understand the writing on shown a similar theme among all the books...sex. This made him give a cheeky glance that wasn't meant to be seen in the direction you've walked. A large painting hung above the bed which now held his attention. He didn't recognize the artist, but it was a nude woman, slightly reclined with a huge black snake twisting up her body, it's head resting on her shoulder, a subtle smile on both their faces. He could imagine the things he didn't know about you, the bits of you that caused you to choose this specific painting to hang in such importance. He imagined and he yearned to know with more certainty, feeling his interest peaked. He hadn't expected this in your bedroom, but as his eyes search for something to give him further insight into your mind you call out in a lilted voice for him.

(”The Sin.” Franz Von Stuck)

He walks through the threshold, through a tiled and marble bathroom, through a less obvious doorway which led him into a huge closet. "Ya dead posh, innit ya?" he says, his mouth slightly open. Taking in the multiple rows of clothes with a wide grin at your possessions.

He follows you further into a different chamber of the closet, a fitting room with raised center and huge mirrors, and drawers and drawers of glass lidded boxes containing jewels.  A top a pedestal, covered in a large bell jar with a gold handle and rim, sits the Danish Palaces egg. The pink egg, lined in gold and diamonds sits in its holder, it's keepsake stretched out, a series of panels matching the egg with different landscapes inside sits alongside it.

You sit with legs crossed at the knee, leaning back on your hands on a big, round, tufted and fringed mauve ottoman. "The bell is very heavy dear, be careful, I know you're in a hurry to get your hands all over her." you tease, watching him gently set his cane onto the seat next to you and inspects the egg.

"Hello." he drags out the word in a groan, in a voice so low it makes you smirk at its implications. The tone being warranted to be said between thighs instead of to an object. He picks up the egg with two hands, approaching it with a face that saw nothing else in the world at that moment. You watch him with a smile and a tilted head, your foot bobbing up and down as his brow weighs heavy over his eyes. "Did ya steal it?" he asks, no hesitation or judgment in his voice.

He looks over his shoulder at you as you let out a loud laugh at his straightforward question. "I did not actually. I bought it as a birthday present to myself."

"When's ya birthday?" he asks, his face scrunched up and almost looking your way, not willing to look away from the egg.

"August." you answer, surprised he cared to ask such a thing.

"You would buy yourself a birthday present." a subtle smile comes across his lips, his face moving back to the egg.

"Well, I would know better than anyone else as to what to get myself for my own birthday, wouldn't I?" you ask, no tone of offense to his critical retort.

"If Faberge is what you demand for your birthday, you're pricing out most of the men in London there, princess." he muses, humor in his voice but not so much his face.

"Good," you say with a low chuckle. "And I am not a princess. I don't demand Faberge for my birthday." you roll your eyes and purse your lips at him, holding your chin up.  

"Getting a Faberge egg on your birthday though, yeah? Sure sounds like a princess to me, mate." he grins.

"More like a Queen," you say with a weak, smug expression. "I worked my ass off for the paydays that purchased that." you point aggressively at the egg. He turns his face to you as you start to walk towards him. "I wanted this bought legally and with own money I earned so it couldn't ever be taken from me." you reach out with a type of sadness he's only seen before briefly as you spoke of your family. He hands the egg over to you. You sigh heavily and inspect it. "I understand why you'd call me a princess." you glance up at him, a small chuckle escaping you, a fleeting smile passes across your face. "And I am a bit, but I'm self-aware enough to know that." you shrug slightly. "But then there's the woman who had to go through the mistakes and work her ass off to get this." you sigh and hand the egg back to him. "I suppose I'm as much of one as I am the other." your head tilts to the side, your eyes are gazing far away to something intangible. "But I would rather you refer to me as a woman than princess out of the two." you look at him with much more humor at yourself than he anticipates when he looks up from the egg.

He doesn't respond for a heavy minute but looks at you very seriously, you let out a relieved sigh as you study his face. "I weren't implyin' you dinnit deserve it." he says quietly, his face leaning in closer to yours.

"I know that,"you give him a small smile. "I'm just a bit sensitive about money sometimes." you scrunch your nose in an apologetic look. "Didn't mean to come at you so heavy with the feelings." you take an animated deep breath and let out a slightly nervous chuckle and move over a set of drawers.

"If there's anything to feel strongly about," he says, sitting the egg back on the pedastool "I believe money would be near the very top of that list." he holds your hand and pats it with his own. You nod and look at him from under your lashes. His eyes searching yours for a sign he could make the sadness receed in them. "You've managed to buy one for yourself though, eh?" he adds. "I dont know no princesses that can say that." he suggests with a shrug of his shoulders.

Now it's your turn to pause. You look up at and can't help but smile at the genuine look in his eyes. You push up to your tip toes and plant a single kiss on his face, directly by his mouth. He's very surprised by this as he stiffens as you move away.

"What's 'at for?" he asks, his voice inflected with amusement at you.

"You're very sweet when you want to be. You know that?" you ask, your eyes wide at the question. You slip your hand from his, turning to place them on the drawers in front of you.

"I don't recall bein' referred to as sweet before." he says, only his eyes moving over you.

"Perhaps it's not everyone's kind of sweetness." you shrug. "I'm sure you've been told you're good with words before." you state matter of factly. "Same horse, different color." you add before you turn to face him. "Now you can understand my actions that day at The Garrison a bit better."

"Oh I understood that as soon as I found out Tommy proper fucked ya on that." he nods enthusiastically.

"I've not been able to find out who bought that egg." you say quietly, as his eyes slide back over to you after being distracted by the contents of the room. "You wouldn't have happened to have heard anything, would you?" you ask.

He makes a low humming noise at your request. "Might have." he shrugs. "Might not've." he grins. "If you can tell me how you knew about that egg being there then maybe I can entertain a bit of tit for tat."

You snort at his choice of words."I bet you could." your tone scolding your face on the verge of laughing. "I know the owner. I've been in the house before." you say obviously, your arms crossing across your chest. "But I couldn't get to the floor with the safe as a guest."

"How you know 'im?" he asks, his eyes narrowing.

"Someone that seemed to take a liking to me after I had to distract him for a job once." you explain. "Sometimes I keep in touch if their particular sets of skills might serve me in the future." you explain, calmly.

"Oh, is that what ya doin' with me then?" he teases, giving you a boyish smile.

"I'm not visiting your home, I invited you to live in mine." you state with importance. "Hardly the same thing, dear." you say with a huff of a laugh, tilting your head with a smile as your eyes scold him for the suggestion.

"You might got a point there." he says quietly, sheepish smile as he looks around the room again. "I don't know who bought the egg but I could give you a short list of who it might be if it's in London." he offers, his hands out. "The Italians tend to sale things quickly and therefore a local buyer is usually behind the purchase." he further explains, offering you actual helpful information. Not exactly as advertised but you had agreed to the terms.

"Thank you for saving me the trouble of having to flirt my way for information through the jewelry quarter." you say with a lighthearted laugh. "What do I have to do to get some names from you Solomons?" you ask playfully, leaning back against the set of drawers.

"I can't go giving you the names of all my best buyers now, can I?" a grin, predatory but charming still,  appears and is directed forcefully at you. "I know you're not that thick," you snort at the suggestion of you trying to sneak information out of him. " and I know nothing is free so that's why I asked what I need to do so I can find this person and this egg." your voice is softer in volume but sharper in tone.

"I ain't promisin' nothin'." he shakes his finger at you and your confident grin makes him let out a low groan of a noise at your cheeky stare. "But I will ask about eggs if the opportunity arises." he says hesitantly, narrowing his eyes to make it seem like he wasn't giving in.

"You are going about paying me back for saving you in such a lovely way, Alfie. I told you you were a sweetie." you say with a cocky grin, your hand trailing across his chest as you move to the other side of the room.

"I think you and I have a different understanding of the word, sweet." he says in a low tone.

"Doubtful." you say in a mysterious little laugh. "If there is one thing we do speak the same language on its jewels, isn't it?" you say with a near lilt in your voice, pulling open a drawer. He wants to ask you what you mean but his eyes and body are currently being ripped towards the diamond and sapphire necklace he's now looking at.

"Hell." he hoarsely whispers out. "You like sapphires, eh?" A very long chain, consisting of diamonds, and a large, flat backed sapphire oval sits suspended.

"I look good in blue, what can I say?" you say oozing with certainty."I've not found an occasion to wear her out yet though." you say as he looks over to you for permission to touch it. You nod with an obvious expression and watch his eyes reflect back the shine of the stones. "Wearing it starkers around the house just doesn't give one the same excitement as wearing it out where others can envy it." you muse for a moment, you speak almost as if you're thinking out loud and he lays the piece back on its velvet cushion. "Would you like to see something besides Sapphires?" you grin with a dramatic flutter of your long lashes up at him.

"There's more?" he asks almost exasperated.

"Oh my god, yes, Alfie." you let out a cackle, one hand to your chest. "You see all these drawers on this side of the room?" you ask, hunching over slightly and running your hands across the top of the one you were standing in front of. "All pieces. Necklaces, earrings, bracelets, rings, did I mention necklaces because I am quite fond of those." you sigh contently, beaming up at him.

"You just keep these all in your closet?" he asks, slightly concerned.

"Well you didn't walk through a normal door to get into this room did you?" you say with a head tilt and a grin. "This room is it's own safe of sorts. Can't just leave these things lying about, ya know." you smile sweetly, twisting your shoulders.

"What's the percentage of purchased and stolen on these?" he smirks and you meet him with your own.

"Does it matter?" you ask cheekily, your shoulder moving up to your chin in exaggeration. You both shake your heads no and share a scrunched expression that turns into a shared laugh as you hold out your hands for him to explore the contents of the shelves.

Pt 16 Don’t Speak (I Came To Make A Bang)

[shatteredlovers]

BABE ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’m gonna fight u

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? u2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? u... and my nj peeps at the end of the semester4. Are you easy to get along with? ye i think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? u do lol6. What kind of people are you attracted to? u 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes (:8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? i’m wondering how my little brothers are making out in college!!9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? wendy, lexie, or dom I’m not sure11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “she’s just bein safe!!”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Rivers and Roads” by The Head and the Heart, “Feels like Summer” by Childish Gambino, “Fallingwater” by Maggie Rogers, “Peach Scone” by Hobo Johnson, and I can’t think of another rn but I’m listening to “17″ by Youth Lagoon.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yeah15. What good thing happened this summer? I got to spend it with u making memories16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? hell yeah (;17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no19. Do you like bubble baths? yes!!20. Do you like your neighbors? i don’t know them /:21. What are you bad habits? i’m messy tbh22. Where would you like to travel? oh god everywhere, but i’d really like to meet my cousins in Scotland23. Do you have trust issues? I did but I feel good now24. Favorite part of your daily routine? putting my feet up at the end of the day to eat and watch New Girl or Big Mouth25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? maybe my teddies mostly bc they hurt my back lol26. What do you do when you wake up? i hit snooze about 6 times27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nah i’m chill28. Who are you most comfortable around? wendy29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? all but one30. Do you ever want to get married? yes i do31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? rihanna and harry styles are prob my top33. Spell your name with your chin. sd jk,hg34. Do you play sports? What sports? i don’t anymore lol35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? that was my entire childhood-adolescence 37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing, they don't bother me rly38. Describe your dream girl/guy? u wendy!!!!39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? i like thrift stores, h&m, target, honestly wherever40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m gonna be a music therapist41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m probably either observing, spaced out, sleepy, or fuming.43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? there’s stuff i gotta do46. What are you paranoid about? figuring out internship stuff coming in the next year47. Have you ever been high? once48. Have you ever been drunk? plenty49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray51. Ever wished you were someone else? when i was like 12/13 i did a lot52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was a little more organized53. Favourite makeup brand? thATS HARD54. Favourite store? barnes and noble55. Favourite blog? urs56. Favourite color? dark green57. Favourite food? eggplant parmesan 58. Last thing you ate? a lifesaver gummy that my client’s sister gave me!59. First thing you ate this morning? baby carrots60. Ever won a competition? For what? idk honestly lol i’ve won singing things61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? i’m falling right now.64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was taken advantage of so it kind of blew65. Are you hungry right now? very66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i like you all equally!!!!67. Facebook or Twitter? neither68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? no70. Names of your bestfriends? i have quite a few71. Craving something? What? u wendy i want to snug72. What colour are your towels? turquoise72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 173. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? sometimes but i usually hug wendy or my pillow74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 1, I got rid of everything but a sloth that my friend got me when i got into my car accident75. Favourite animal? dogs and owls76. What colour is your underwear? i’m not wearing any lol77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate all the way78. Favourite ice cream flavor? chocolate fudge brownie ben and jerrys

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? gray-blue

80. What colour pants? gray81. Favourite tv show? i love the office, criminal minds, and new girl82. Favourite movie? When Harry Met Sally or Dead Poets Society83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? original84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? idk they’re different types of funny lol85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? squirt87. First person you talked to today? lexie88. Last person you talked to today? my supervisor89. Name a person you hate? i don’t really hate anyone, i just distance myself from people that are toxic to my wellbeing.90. Name a person you love? I love you, Wendy.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? nope!92. In a fight with someone? nope!93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3 pairs maybe94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many (i.e. not enough)95. Last movie you watched? Scarface96. Favourite actress? eh97. Favourite actor? eh98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? I HAVE A BUNNY HERE IN AZ AND IN JERSEY I HAVE TWO DOGS AND A FISH AT MY PARENTS100. How are you feeling? p good 101. Do you type fast?decently fast if i don't think about it lol102. Do you regret anything from your past? not really103. Can you spell well? yes my grandpa made me spell all the time as a kid104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes they're my fave106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah107. Have you ever been on a horse? no108. What should you be doing? my session summaries and activity write-up for tomorrow109. Is something irritating you right now? i slammed my foot getting out of the car and idk if i super fucked something up bc its hurts rly bad110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah111. Do you have trust issues? i did but i’m ok now112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? probably wendy113. What was your childhood nickname? M&M114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yeah115. Do you play the Wii? i have before lol116. Are you listening to music right now? yes “let’s talk about feelings” by joywave117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes118. Do you like Chinese food? YES119. Favourite book? idk i rly like classics120. Are you afraid of the dark? partially121. Are you mean? i can be122. Is cheating ever okay? N O 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no i suck124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no but you can click w someone125. Do you believe in true love? sure126. Are you currently bored? no127. What makes you happy? you, my friends, my family, animals, music128. Would you change your name? thought about changing it to my middle name129. What your zodiac sign? libra130. Do you like subway? eh jersey mikes is better131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say thanks but i love wendy132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i think i already answered this133. Favourite lyrics right now? idk134. Can you count to one million? no i lose focus easily135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk lol136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed and often locked137. How tall are you? 5′2138. Curly or Straight hair? i have straight hair but i love curly hair139. Brunette or Blonde? i love brunette hair140. Summer or Winter? summer in jersey, winter in AZ141. Night or Day? night142. Favourite month? October143. Are you a vegetarian? not a chance144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? DARK CHOCOLATE145. Tea or Coffee? i like both146. Was today a good day? yeah it was my session went rly well w my client147. Mars or Snickers? snickers all the way148. What’s your favourite quote? “If flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow there is hope for me” - @tylerknott149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i don’t have a book anywhere near me unfortunately lol

[formerconsvlaris-blog]

ya girl was tagged

by @starbuckslovers

nicknames: Frey/Freya

Gender/pronouns: genderflux; no pronoun preference 

Height: 5′6 

Time: 8:40pm 

Birthday: December 20

Favourite Bands: Delta Rae, CHVRCHES, Fall Out Boy 

Favourite Solo Artist: Florence Welch, Lights, Rihanna 

Song stuck in your head: HandClap 

Last movie you watched: Shape of Water 

Last show: Criminal Minds 

Why did you create your blog: i’ve had i think?? four or five blogs prior to this one and i either moved blogs bc i had the impulse to completely retool my entire persona, or bc people were getting creepy and it set off the Paranoia™ 

Other blogs: i had a kink sideblog but tumblr wasn’t having any of that “switching between blogs” shit and kept crashing on me

AO3: smalltownlights but i never post fic 

Do you get asks: Not usually, I get a fair amount of messages tho 

How did you get the idea for your url: bc i lowkey stan the Consul from D2 

I follow: oh god like...700 or so blogs it’s bad 

Followers: 70something 

Average hours of sleep: 5-10 depending on how early my work shift starts 

Lucky number: 9 

Instruments: i took f o u r  y e a r s of piano, including a mandatory class in college taught by a former pupil of motherfucking Stravinsky himself, and my motor-skills-deprived ass still can’t make my goddamned hands play bass and treble at the same time  

What are you wearing: sweats and a flannel 

Dream Job: Simulate Luke Smith until i literally physically and socioeconomically become him like the Envy Demon in DAI  

Dream Trip: Southern Italy or Trier 

Significant other: my fiance who i lovingly refer to as Serp 

Last Book I read: good fucking question 

Top 3 Fictional Universes: Destiny, Tolkien’s Eä, and Cirque du Soleil 

Tagging: Any of my mutuals who wanna 

[crosswhenandwhere]

Top 30 Most Underrated Albums!!

My top 30 favorite albums that I think are lovely and should be praised WAAAAY more than they are! Everything on here is great and I recommend all these albums!

30. Bon Iver - 22 A Million

Bon Iver takes his sound to the most experimental. Vocoder passages are super dope, 715 Creeks is an insanely underrated tune.

29. Siriusmo - Mosaik

Great kitschy synth music. Catchy, lighthearted, sweet and playful.

28. Bones - Useless

Best underground soundcloud rap album in my opinion. Cavernous, edgy, loud and depressing.

27. Mellowhype - Numbers

For an album with what I consider to be one of the best Frank Ocean features ever I hardly see it talked about in hip-hop circles. Great album.

26. Justice - Audio Video Disco

Grossly overshadowed by it’s monolithic older brother Cross, Audio Video Disco still serves bangers. Civilization is one of my top 10 songs of all time but On’n’on, Helix and New Lands should not be overlooked!

25. Gesaffelstein - Aleph

If I had to describe Aleph in a single word it would be brooding. Runners up include expensive, violent and scary.

24. Duck Sauce - Quack

If anything proves that we are long overdue for a full length A-Trak solo album, it’s this.

23. Yung Lean - Unknown Memory

Cloud rap pioneer Yung Lean’s opus. Volt, Sunrise Angel, Sandman and Blinded are all incredibly ahead of their time.

22. Playboi Carti - In Abundance

This one comes with a bit of a caveat considering it is a fan-compiled mixtape and not an official album but many of the songs on this project in my opinion stack up against highlights from S/T, Die Lit and WLR.

21. Dead Can Dance - Within the Realm of a Dying Sun

Referring to this album as moody and ambient don’t do it justice but for the sake of keeping  this list concise it will have to do. Dead Can Dance deserve the highest order of praise for this medieval epic.

20. Porches - The House

A melancholy and personal look into Porches frontman Aaron Maine’s experiences with social anxiety and depression. It’s groovy and will have you dancing with tears in your eyes.

19. Oni Ayhun - Oar003

Only two tracks long which makes it the shortest album on this list, Olof Dreijer of The Knife, under the pseudonym Oni Ayhun, makes curious, twinkling techno on Oar003.

18. Amnesia Scanner - Another Life

Abrasive and glitchy, german electronic duo Amnesia Scanner’s first album is not for the feint of heart but anyone who decides to keep an open mind (and the volume knob sitting lower than usual) will find some truly captivating moments of electronic brilliance on this record.

17. Mr Oizo - All Wet

Absolutely fucking hilarious album. With features from Skrillex, Boys Noize, Peaches and even Charli Xcx. All wet is modern dadaism and if you don’t believe me make sure you check out No Tony and Chairs in particular.

16. Crystal Castles - Amnesty (I)

I do not understand why this album isn’t  considered more when talking about Crystal Castles’ discography. It sounds related to their self titled trilogy but takes the band’s style in a less dance oriented, more experimental almost instrumental hiphop direction. Edith Francis’ vocals are great and the songs Ornament and Fleece stand out in particular, not to mention that the bonus track Kept may be one of the group’s best.

15. Simian Mobile Disco - Murmuations

Very low-key electronic music from Simian Mobile Disco, Murmurations features some flooring choral pieces backed by soft dance patterns. Great relaxing listen for fans of Caribou, Jamie XX and Chrome Sparks.

14. Mdou Moctar - Ilana (The Creator)

Where to even begin with this one! Mdou Moctar is a guitarist from Niger and Ilana (The Creator) is in my opinion his best work. Fuzzy rock music that sounds like it’s being played from 50-foot monitors in the middle of the Sahara.

13. Chemical Brothers - Further

Chemical brother’s second sleekest album after born in the echoes, Further has glamour that you’re seldom able to find elsewhere.

12. Boys Noize - Mayday

Absolute fucking rager of an album. Featuring Policia, Remy Banks and Hudson Mohawke among others, Boys Noize is in your face and doesn’t give a shit on Mayday. The remix of Birthday released after the album with Danny Brown is priceless.

11. Nico - Desertshore

Break out the tissues if you plan on listening to Desertshore today, this album is unrelentingly melancholic. Nico’s vocals sound almost ghost-like at times and the instrumentals on here are gorgeous.

10. The Newcomer - Earth Motivation

Sopping wet with OPN influence, Earth Motivation is glitchy but retains an emotional quality that will sit with you for a while after your first listen. Perfect for fans of Autechre, Oneohtrixpointnever and Venetian Snares.

9. Tami T - High Pitched and Moist

High Pitched and Moist is definitely not for everyone, but if you like your pop smeared with autotune and in-your-face sexuality then Tami T’s 2019 album is perfect for you! I recommend this one for any fans of Fever Ray and GFOTY.

8. Ryuichi Sakamoto - Async

From the jump, Japanese avant garde classical composer, pianist, electronic musician and synthpop legend Ryuichi Sakamoto hits you where it hurts on Async. The first tune Andata is one of the most beautiful and soul crushing instrumental songs I have ever had the pleasure of hearing, but the quality remains consistent throughout the entire record.

7.  Blanck Mass - World Eater

Holy. Fuck. Drop whatever you’re doing right now and listen to this album. I don’t care if you’re in a business meeting or getting lunch, World Eater demands the utmost attention. After hearing the transition from the end of Rhesus Negative to Please my life was never the same. I can’t sing Blanck Mass’ praises enough so you’re going to have to check this one out yourself but I guarantee you will NOT be disappointed.

6. Jean-Michel Jarre - Oxygene

French synth deity Jean-Michel Jarre’s intergalactic journey Oxygene is a record that soars above and beyond its compatriots (namely Mort Garson’s Plantasia and Jean-Jacques Perrey’s Moog Indigo) and will take you on an extra-planetary voyage from which you may never return. I recommend listening to this album with the best sound system you have available to really get the most out of it.

5. The Knife - Shaken-Up Versions

Technically The Knife’s last album before their retirement (not counting the Terminal 7 Live album), Shaken-Up Versions sees Karin and Olof Dreijer metamorphosing songs from all across their discography into dancefloor fillers. Electronic musicians retooling their material into more danceable, DJ set ready tracks is nothing new (See Alive 2007 and All Across the Universe) but the Knife’s catalog is already so impressive that hearing classics transmogrified like this is a phenomenal experience that I don’t want any dance music fans to miss out on! They reworked Silent Shout for christ’s sake how can you not love this.

4. Geinoh Yamashirogumi - Ecophony Rinne

Katsuhiro Otomo famously tapped Geinoh Yamashirogumi for the soundtrack to Akira, but what some of you may not know is that, while working on the Akira manga, Otomo was listening to this record in particular which inspired him to collaborate with the collective for the Akira film. Ecophony Rinne is like nothing I have ever heard before or since. It’s got a tectonic quality to it that makes you think you’re witnessing an extinction event or the birth of a new universe while listening which is an experience I highly recommend, ESPECIALLY for fans of the Akira manga and film; this album sounds like how Akira looks and Akira looks damn good.

3. Buy Muy Drugs - Buy Muy Drugs

Slept on in every regard, Buy Muy Drugs is a triumph of experimental and industrial hiphop. The duo made up of rapper Denmark Vessey and producer Azarias are welding together grime, bass music and afro-cuban percussion into a dystopic and pummeling listening experience that gets better and better with every listen. To quote JPEGMAFIA, “Death Grips can’t do this shit”.

2. Susumu Hirasawa - Technique of Relief

This album is jaw-dropping. It’s pop, ambient, traditional-Japanese experimental choral synth music delivered with soaring, regal grandiosity. One of the closest things to musical perfection I can think of, Technique of Relief is an album that even now I am having a difficult time describing. Intensely emotional yet hopeful; groovy but substantive, Susumu Hirasawa penned an oeuvre with this record.

1. Daft Punk - Human After All

The number one spot goes to the black sheep of the world’s most beloved electronic music making androids’ discography. Panned on release for being “spread thin” and “too minimal”, (The Village Voice went so far as to call the album “ a bad record whose details rarely merit further thought “) Daft Punk’s third album Human After all is definitely different from it’s rhinestone studded predecessor but in the absolute best way possible. It’s groovy, dark, emotional, tragic, minimal, distorted and it yields some of the robots’ best tracks (Human After All detractors seem to forget that Technologic, Robot Rock and the title track do not actually stem from the Alive 2007 Coachella set but rather find their home on this album). Sleeper gems like Make Love, Emotion, Television Rule the Nation and Prime Time of Your Life range from introspective and moody RnB that would not feel out of place on a Sebastien Tellier record to blown out, gravelly rock oriented tunes that remind the listener of Daft Punk’s roots as french garage rockers. Phenomenal album, criminally underrated.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

The Best & Worst of 2017

It has been a WEIRD year. Nintendo’s dominating the video game scene again, the seemingly eternal presence of Adam West is no more, Taylor Swift somehow got even bitchier, DC finally made a good movie, and they let a chimp in a suit into the White House again (you think they would have learned their lesson after Reagan). But we’re not here to look at the world in a broad sense, no; we’re here to take a look at movies, because that’s what I do. And let me tell you… This was a fine year for films.

You often see people say years like 1999 or 1939 were the peak years for cinema, but after this year, I’ve gotta say 2017 is my favorite year in cinematic history. Let me put it this way: The list of movies here was originally a top 20. In fact, I only saw a handful of movies I’d say were genuinely bad this year. At least 6 of the movies I saw are easily in my top 25 films ever made, and even my favorite movie ever came out this year. So yeah, this year was FUCKING AWESOME for movies.

Now, there were some really tough cuts, so let me give a few honorable mentions before we dive into the top 10 films: Spider-Man: Homecoming, the best Spider-Man movie in a decade with perhaps the most compelling villain in the MCU; Get Out, Jordan Peele’s racially-charged horror film that deals with condescending positive discrimination and other kinds of left-wing racism, and is one of the strongest directorial debuts I’ve ever seen; Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie, the long awaited finale to the adventures of Arnold Shortman, and a truly satisfying one to boot; Kingsman: The Golden Circle, a kickass sequel with a great turn by Sir Elton John of all people; and Power Rangers, a very character driven sci-fi movie that has a rather slow pace but still manages to ooze heart and charm. And those are just the ones I really wanted to spotlight; there are quite a few other movies I enjoyed this year.

Now, on to the first list!

TOP 10 MOVIES OF THE YEAR

10. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

TRA-LA-LAAAAAAAAA! Dreamworks finally delivers the film we’ve been waiting for for years, and it’s every bit as good as we could have hoped. Combining the best elements of the first four books was a great idea, as it allows for much more interesting character interactions, character development, and concepts, not to mention the franchise’s best villain (Professor Poopypants) gets to show up early. Pray we get a sequel, because the creativity showcased here cannot be squandered! We need more of the Waistband Warrior!

9. Baby Driver

You know, in light of everything that happened this year, is it really right to place so high a movie in which a character played by Kevin Spacey takes in a young boy and tries to control him into being a criminal? Yeah. It is. This is a damn good film, with some truly great Mickey Mousing and an excellent soundtrack, as well as fantastic performances across the board. It’s one of the least Edgar Wrighty films  in Wright’s filmography, and all the better for it.

8. Wonder Woman

Is this the perfect, ultimate superhero movie? Hell no. Does it finally break the DCEU trend of crappy final villains? Um, nope. Is it an uplifting, hopeful, optimistic superhero movie with an idealistic, badass protagonist, a solid supporting cast, and an interesting setting? Fuck yes it is. Wonder Woman fans can rest easy that she got the treatment she deserved on the silver screen.

7. Logan

Rarely has a movie that is just so bitterly depressing from the get-go been so damn good. Hugh Jackman and Sir Patrick Stewart turn in their (possibly) final performances as Wolverine and Professor X, and by god what performances they give. But they face some seriously steep competition in the acting department from Dafne Keen, the newcomer playing Laura, Logan’s ‘daughter’ after a fashion. This is easily the best X-Men film ever made aside from Deadpool, and definitely the best serious one.

6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

You know that one friend you have who just pisses you off to the point you want to punch their teeth out, yet at the end of the day you still love and appreciate them and they’re still your friend for life? That’s basically what this movie is. It does SO much aggravating, frustrating bullshit, tosses out so many potentially interesting plot points, wastes so much potential… but on the other hand, it delivers some of the most stunning moments in the entire saga, the best performance yet from Mark Hamill, a bunch of interesting surprises, and lets Kylo Ren and Rey come into their own. Never before have I loved a film I hate so much of.

5. Thor: Ragnarok

I never in my life thought I would enjoy a Thor movie. Historically speaking, Thor’s movies blow; I was expecting mediocrity at best. Ah, but what a fool I was! Truly I underestimated the power of Taika Waititi, Led Zeppelin, 80s aesthetic, and Jeff Goldblum, because this is easily one of Marvel’s best films, not just of the year, but ever, and is 100% the best Thor film.

4. John Wick: Chapter 2

While my opinion of this has slightly softened – I prefer the first film more after some thought – don’t think for a second this film isn’t as awesome as I previously stated. This film has some of the best worldbuilding I’ve ever seen, some of the most exhilarating action, and some of the most engaging Keeanu Reeves acting. Plus, Reeves shares the screen with Laurence Fishburne again; what’s not to love here?

3. The Disaster Artist

Oh hai James Franco! Seth Rogen’s wacky BFF managed to bring the story of Tommy Wiseau and his quest to film the infamously awful film (that just so happens to be one of my all-time favorite movies) The Room to life. I didn’t doubt that a big fan like Franco would fuck up telling this story, but the way he portrayed the intriguingly strange man that is Wiseau was better than anything I could have imagined. While the filmmaking techniques are rather simple and it’s not like the movie reinvents the wheel, it truly showcases a fascinating man and the creation if his equally fascinating film in way that both fans of The Room and Tommy as well as newcomers can enjoy.

2. It

Joining the ranks of Watchmen and The Lord of the Rings in the category of “Unfilmable Works with Amazing Film Adaptations” is Stephen King’s classic tale of a group of children fighting back against a nightmarish abomination that devours children and takes the shape of a clown. Finally, that travesty of a miniseries from the 90s can be scrubbed from memory, and replaced with this much scarier, much funnier, and much more visually interesting version of the story. It changes things here and there, but through all the changes the spirit remains the same, as should be the case for a good adaptation. Best of all: No Sewergy!

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Maybe it’s the stronger character arcs and development on display here. Maybe it’s how absolutely awesome and complex Yondu became in this movie. Maybe it’s the inclusion of the oddball villain Ego, played to perfection by Kurt Russell and helping give a MCU villain that’s actually interesting and complex. Maybe it’s the killer soundtrack, and how all the songs are deftly woven into the story so that the songs tell the story without the characters needing to explain things. Maybe it’s all of that and more that add up into making this my favorite film in the entire MCU, my favorite film of the year, and my favorite film of all time.

TOP 10 CHARACTERS

This year had a lot of really great characters in the movies. Here are the ten best and brightest; again, this was really hard to narrow down, this list was also originally at twenty. There was no shortage of great, enjoyable new characters this year.

10. Ahmanet

The Mummy

The Mummy movie has gotten mixed reactions; the mummy herself, Princess Ahmanet, has not. She is pretty universally agreed to be the best and most interesting part of the movie, with Sofia Boutella giving a fantastic performance. It’s a shame so much of focus on her was cut for more Tom Cruise… in a movie called The Mummy, Ahmanet truly deserved the most focus. At least what she got lead to some pretty cool shit.

9. Tempest Shadow

My Little Pony: The Movie

The one big thing that ties the Friendship is Magic movie together and makes it great is its awesome villain, Tempest Shadow. She has an awesome concept in a unicorn with a fractured horn that causes her magic to be unstable and dangerous, she has an awesome design, and Emily Blunt gives her such a wonderful performance. The fact she gets an incredible villain song is icing on the cake.

8. The Grandmaster

Thor: Ragnarok

It’s Jeff Goldblum as a hedonistic overlord of an alien planet in a Marvel movie. This is literally the greatest thing ever to happen to the MCU.

7. Billy

Power Rangers

Billy is, without a doubt in my mind, the heart and soul of the new Power Rangers, the glue that binds them all together. He’s also pretty unique in that he is a character with autism and is never really treated any differently than anyone else by the other characters. Gotta give major props for that, they never boil him down to his bare essentials and instead make him a fleshed out and likable character. Here’s hoping there’s a sequel so we can see more of him.

6. Pennywise

It

The world’s most terrifying clown is here, and he is played to perfection by Bill Skarsgard. He’s terrifying, monstrous, creepy, and just disturbingly bizarre. He really brought the character from the books to life, and definitely managed to do a good job at being different enough from Tim Curry’s performance to stand on his own. The only drawback is that he doesn’t get as much character to him as he deserves, but the sequel can fix that up. Until then, we got all those funny dancing memes to laugh at.

5. The Vulture

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Marvel absolutely annihilated their run of weak, unengaging villains this year; Adrian Toomes was the final nail in the coffin for that trend, being one of the most fascinating and awesome villains yet seen in the MCU. Taking a really dopey villain from the comics and turning him into basically Walter White with an alien jetpack while still calling back to the cheesy original design was a real stroke of genius. Michael Keaton’s performance really sells things, particularly in the car ride scene; just the facial acting as he puts two and two together, the tension in the air so thick it’s oppressive… I’m glad Toomes is alive by the end, because he DEFINITELY needs to come back.

4. Ego the Living Planet

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

The best villain of the year from Marvel is also one of the strangest, most unexpected characters to ever pop up in a superhero movie: Ego, the Living Planet. His physical avatar that interacts with the cast is played by Kurt Russell, who is oozing fatherly likability and charm to Peter, a charm that belies his selfish and – ahem – egotistical nature. Once Ego’s plans and actions are revealed, he truly comes across as one of the most complex villains out there; his motives, while selfish and awful, do seem to come from a place of profound loneliness, albeit loneliness exacerbated by an extreme case of arrogance.

3. Richie Tozier

It

Even in the face of his worst nightmares, even in the face of impending death, Richie never stops doing what he does best: being a little shit. He has a line for every occasion, some crude joke for any situation, and is constantly making jokes about banging Eddie’s mom and how big his dick is. For a character that so easily could have been annoying… he’s easily the funniest fucking character in the whole movie. We NEEDED someone like Richie to brighten things up; if he wasn’t here, well, things might just have been a tad too bleak.

2. Sir Elton John

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Celebrities playing themselves in movies tend to be very brief cameo roles or one-scene wonders, which is sort of what I expected from Sir Elton John; he’d just walk on for a scene, maybe score a laugh, then vanish from the movie. But boy was I wrong; John is spouting profanity across at least two scenes, berating his captors, and more than that… he plays a major role in saving the world. AND EVEN MORE! He offers Harry the same reward Eggsy got in the first film. The moment I saw Sir Elton John deliver a flying kick while dressed in a gaudy drag outfit, taking a man out, I knew for a fact 2017 was my favorite year of cinema ever, hands down.  

1. Tommy Wiseau

The Disaster Artist

Somehow, some way, James Franco was able to do the impossible and convincingly pull off a portrayal of cinema’s oddest anomaly, the enigmatic loon known as Tommy Wiseau. The accent is well done, the mannerisms are pretty spot on, and it is perfectly evident that Franco has a great deal of respect for the man himself. This is truly a performance that can stand alongside Johnny Depp’s Ed Wood. Anyway, how is your sex life?

THE 5 BEST RETURNING CHARACTERS

It’s not just newcomers who impressed; there were plenty of great turns from previously established characters. Here’s the five best, most improved characters:

5. Kylo Ren

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Finally, Kylo Ren gets to establish himself once and or all as a true successor to Vader in ways other characters don’t get to do. This movie truly portrays him as a cunning individual, and Adam Driver’s performance at times reminds me of Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men. Good on ya, Driver!

4. Thor

Thor: Ragnarok

Incredible. A feat I thought impossible has been accomplished: I actually liked and gave a shit about Thor, a character who has been the weak link in the MCU for a long time. A new haircut, a new set of powers, and a new look really help make Thor into a character worthy of being an Avenger. His great chemistry with Hulk/Banner, as well as Valkyrie and his brother Loki, really helps, as does his cheerfully arrogant nature. I still can’t believe I care about Thor.

3. Luke Skywalker

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

This ain’t your dad’s Luke Skywalker! This Luke is jaded, bitter, and hilariously cranky towards Rey, due to a moment of that trademark Skywalker impulsiveness leading to some truly harsh consequences. This is easily Mark Hamill’s strongest performance as Luke, truly giving it all even if at the time of filming he wasn’t too keen on the direction Luke took – though of course he came around, how could you not with a performance this good?

2. Merlin

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Merlin was a bit of a bit player in the first movie, but here he gets to come front and center for quite a good chunk of the film, though this is mostly due to everyone else in Kingsman dying due to the actions of the villains. Mark Strong’s performance here is one of the strongest performances in the series so far, and he really makes Merlin into a fun, engaging character. He even gets to sing!

1. Yondu

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Much like Merlin, Yondu was a bit player in the first movie, acting as a minor antagonistic force and getting a pretty badass scene where he singlehandedly annihilates Ronan’s soldiers. This time, every good quality about Yondu is cranked up to eleven. His character as seen in the first film is truly explored, his reasons for taking Quill are expanded upon, and that scene of him kicking ass from the first film is absolutely NOTHING compared to what he does to Taserface and the mutinous Ravagers. Come a little bit closer indeed! And I’d be remiss to not mention his incredibly memetic line “I’M MARY POPPINS, Y’ALL!” But that aside, Yondu gets a lot of excellent lines in this film, and he really helps hammer home this movie’s message about family in one line he gives Peter when he saves him from Ego:  “He may’ve been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy.” Yondu went from being a cool and interesting character in the first film to, well… my favorite character ever here. He’s that damn good. Talk about improvement.

THE 10 WORST CHARACTERS

Not all characters are good, unfortunately. Here are the ten characters this year who did nothing but grate my nerves and bring down their movies with their mere presence:

10. The Storm King

My Little Pony: The Movie

What a waste of Liev Schreiber’s talent this guy turned out to be. Sure he was funny, and sure he wasn’t the worst thing EVER, but he was really a letdown in terms of a villain, and this is a series that gave us great villains even when they were firmly grasping the Villain Ball (Discord, Chrysalis, Tirek). He comes off as even less impressive because he’s in the same movie as a really great villain: Tempest Shadow. The Storm King just ends up being a pretty weak generic doomsday villain who happens to have some good voice acting and animation behind him.

9. Rose Tico

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Jar Jar, meet your new wife! Rose is one of the most unnecessary additions in the entire Star Wars series, or if she is necessary, they sure bungled her to the point she feels less like a character that belongs and more like some fanfic writer’s OC created specifically to get on Finn’s dick. Her moments in the latter half of the casino subplot are really what drag it down, and she utters what may be the most cringeworthy, narmy line in the entirety of the history of the franchise: “We’re going to win this war not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love.” Not even Anakin’s sand line is this cloying and obnoxious.

8. Nick Morton

The Mummy

What is the movie called again? Is it called “The Nick?” “The Tom Cruise?” No, it’s called The Mummy, and the best character is Ahmanet, the titular mummy. But her screentime got shafted quite a bit for this generic, boring Tom Cruise performance. It doesn’t help that Nick is a bit of an arrogant tool. Cruise proved he could be likable and charming as an amoral scumbag later this same year in American Made, so I have no idea what he was thinking here.

7. Ares

Wonder Woman

David Thewlis is a great actor, but not even he can make a Surprise Twist Hidden Villain character work. Disney has done this to death, so you’d expect this to pop up in the MCU or something, but nope! DCEU pulls Ares out their ass for the finale, and it was the guy who was in a couple of scenes helping the heroes out earlier. So now Ares, who is the god of war, is a skinny British dude with a big, honking mustache covered in really lame CGI armor, and it makes the final battle sequence a lot funnier than the epic finale of an epic superhero movie should be.

6. The Wardrobe

Beauty and the Beast

This movie’s living furniture are already really weird, overdesigned, and uncanny, but then we get the Wardrobe, which had a very nice, pleasant design in the original movie. Not so here, where her new face is a flapping curtain and she hollers like an opera singer all the time. She’s annoying and hard to look at; not a good combo.

5. Victor

Leap!

One of the main characters of Leap!, Victor is obnoxious, unfunny, and kinda creepy and possessive of Felicie. He’s easily the absolute worst character in the movie, and worse, the only character I can’t see being better in the original French version.

4. Hi-5

The Emoji Movie

Hi-5 is the epitome of every annoying comic relief character ever seen in cinematic history. He’s the archetype distilled to the barebone essentials for the character and slapped on the screen. There’s not even much to say; just imagine the most obnoxious comic relief ever, but remove any saving graces and make him ten times the hindrance to the plot. There you go. Hi-5.

3. MJ

Spider-Man: Homecoming

After all the bullshit rumors before the movie came out and the “Is she or isn’t she?” routine, finally the movie comes out, and Zendaya’s character is not Mary Jane! She’s just… MJ. It’s such a fucking stupid reveal for a spectacularly stupid and pointless character, it feels so tacked on and pointless. It’s almost as dumb as the photographer who gets killed in the beginning of BVS being Jimmy Olsen is, it’s just slapping an iconic name on a shitty, underused, unrelated character just for that fan recognition. Hopefully we get a real Mary Jane Watson in the MCU eventually, but until then, we’re stuck with this snooty, condescending bitch.

2. Jailbreak

The Emoji Movie

The Emoji Movie managed to boil so many characters down to their bare essentials that it’s impressive they managed to get even worse than that by boiling a character down to her gender. Jailbreak is a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. That’s her whole character. Her character is just “Tomboy stereotype that finds happiness by embracing her true self as a feminine stereotype.” Nothing about her character, from her derivative, weird, jarring design to her hamfisted spouting of feminist rhetoric, do her character any favors and only serve to make the movie even more insufferable.

1. Belle

Beauty and the Beast

Belle is one of Disney’s best princesses, a smart, headstrong woman who doesn’t take shit from the curmudgeonly Beast. This Belle played by Emma Watson… is none of those things. She’s a hollow, empty caricature of the character I grew up loving, a weak pantomime of a beloved, strong character from Disney’s past. If there is anything that makes this live-action travesty even worse than it already was, it’s Watson’s undercooked performance. Belle is not supposed to be a less engaging character than Lefou.

TOP 10 MOVIES I WISH I SAW THIS YEAR

Look, I’m not rich, I’m not drowning in free time… I just can’t feasibly see everything. Here are the ten films I WISH I got a chance to check out before the year ended. No explanations, just a quick rundown:

10. Jesus, Bro!

9. A Monster Calls

8. Kong: Skull Island

7. Split

6. Atomic Blonde

5. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

4. Gerald’s Game

3. Justice League

2. Coco

1. The Shape of Water

TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIES OF NEXT YEAR

Hell yeah I’m hyped for next year! There’s a lot of great-looking films coming out next year… but which ones am I looking forward to the most? Here’s the top ten I’m excited to see:

10. Ready Player One

You’d think people would trust a tried and true master like Spielberg to distill what was good about the original book (and despite what the annoying twats on the internet might tell you, there’s a lot; you see, I actually read the book) into a great film. From the trailer alone it’s evident a lot of stuff is changed, so I’m interested to see how Spielberg does. As long as they keep in Rush as a major plot point, it’s all good.

9. Pacific Rim: Uprising

FUCK YEAH GIANT ROBOTS! WOO!

8. Ant-Man and the Wasp

Ant-Man is one of Marvel’s weirdest, yet best films. Now that we’re getting Wasp added into the mix, not to mention Michelle Pfeiffer is joining the MCU, I’m excited to see where they take Ant-Man in this movie.

7. The Predator

I am fucking THERE for more Predator movies. The Predator films are some of my favorite sci-fi action films (okay, I haven’t seen Predators, but the first two movies are great), so seeing a new one come out is exciting… let’s just hope there’s more practical effects than CGI.

6. Bohemian Rhapsody

How on Earth could I NOT be excited for a movie about one of my favorite musicians and bands? What I want to know is, why the Hell did it take so long to make a movie about Queen? This seems like a no-brainer.

5. Aquaman

Considering Aquaman is finally cool again and plaid by certified hunk Jason Momoa, I am totally here for this movie… not happy I have to stomach seeing that fucking nasty bitch Amber Heard, though. Oh how I must suffer to see superhero action.

4. Black Panther

Considering how he stole Cap’s third and final outing right out from under his nose, I’m excited to see how T’challa holds on his own. It’s also going to be nice to see Andy Serkis playing a villain who hopefully won’t be totally shafted for screentime and end up wasted in the end. COUGH.

3. The Incredibles 2

Honestly, if you’re not excited to see this, I really have to question your priorities. This is the first Pixar movie in years I actually genuinely want to see.

2. Untitled Deadpool Sequel

Considering how great the first film was, this film with its goofy marketing and teasers, cheeky title, and addition of Josh Brolin to the cast has easily won me over. I have faith this will be just as good if not better than the original, especially if it ends up somehow tying in to the MCU, what with Disney devouring Fox.

1. Avengers: Infinity War

Of course this is my #1.

10 WORST POP CULTURE MOMENTS OF 2017

And now we have the absolute worst bits and pieces of film and pop culture this year! We had some… really, truly awful moments. Let’s hope next year we can try and do better, because god, some of this shit is just disheartening…

10. The half of The Mummy not focusing on Ahmanet

Okay, so The Mummy was no necessarily a bad movie… when it focused on Ahmanet. She’s easily one of the coolest and most fascinating fantasy villains in recent memory, and yet, the movie seems to think we care more about Tom Cruise and his antics than the thing the movie is actually named after. I hate drawing comparisons to the Brendan Fraser series as the two are so tonally different it’s stupid to compare them, but at least those movies gave the titular mummy an equal chunk of screentime alongside the protagonists. Hopefully Ahmanet fares better when she inevitably returns.

9. Johnny Depp

It’s hard to deny what a shit year Johnny Depp has had. His messy divorce lead to his awful performance in the latest bloated mess of a Pirates film, and then he spent the rest of the year having every bit of acting he was announced to do being belittled and mocked. Of particular note is Grindelwald, who J.K. Rowling had to come to defense to because people are still backlashing against Depp over the bullshit abuse allegations that have been pretty safely shown to be false. I guess Hollywood will never have a shortage of Fatty Arbuckle stories.

8. Smurfs: The Lost Village

People were so busy ranting over The Emoji Movie that they ignored what is undoubtedly the worst animated film of the year. Gorgeous animation aside – which, really, is what is the born for every theatrically released movie these days so it’s hard to count this as a plus – we have a dull, standard story, average to okay voice acting, a surprising amount of sitcom-esque sexism, and most egregiously, absolutely no Smurfing at all. I’m not kidding. In this, a Smurf movie, there is not a single example of Smurfing. Smurfing is, of course, the trademark smurfing style of the Smurfs; it’s when they smurf the word “Smurf” into the sentence in place of another smurf. See what I mean? There is NONE of this in the movie. What a load of smurfing bullshit.

7. Beauty and the Beast

Tale as old as time

A bunch of rehashed songs

Barely anything changed

Servants overdesigned and strange

And Gaston’s played all wrong

Awful performances make this film

On arrival quite deceased

A tale as old as time

A remake that’s a crime

Beauty and the Beast

6. Those we lost…

We lost a lot of talent in the world this year. Tom Petty, Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington, Adam West, June Foray, J. Geils, Malcolm Young, Fats Domino, Hugh Hefner, Jerry Lewis, Martin Landau, Peter Sallis, Heather North, and so many more people who helped shape and define pop culture and change the world with their work. Tom Petty and Adam West hit me the hardest; I’m sure some of you were hit hard by one of these losses too.

A moment of silence for all of these great men and woman who have left us.

5. The first half of Rick & Morty season 3 (and the last few minutes of the finale)

Rick & Morty is usually a great show. Seasons 1 and 2 were fantastic, and the opening episode of season 3 was hilarious and awesome… and then quality took a nosedive with a bland Mad Max parody, an overly gory forced meme episode featuring Pickle Rick, and then the absolute shitfest that was the Vindicators episode, a mean-spirited potshot at superhero films that featured the worst writing the show has ever seen. Bu hey, after that, the season started looking up! We got a good Jerry episode, Evil Morty returning (in the best episode of the show), and some really great and funny moments. And the last episode was pretty great and funny too, but then… it came to an end with a rushed resolution of the season’s plotline. The whole season feels like a letdown becaue of this, and it’s a damn shame, because some of the best episodes yet came out of it… it was just bogged down by some truly awful ones and really poor writing.

4. Salty Star Wars fans

Star Wars ‘fans’ (I hesitate to even call them fans, since at this point they hate more Star Wars media than they like. They’re not Star Wars fans, they’re original trilogy fans) have always shown themselves to be one of the most cancerous nerd fandoms ever. With the release of the latest film, they’ve taken this to absurd levels, to the point where they have gotten a petition to have the new films stricken from canon. This is a new level of pathetic pettiness; just ignore the movies and go back to jacking off over your crappy EU novels, you fucking dorks.

3.  Pennywise getting repurposed as a gay icon

Apparently, the face of the LGBT community should be a predatory clown that devours children and has very pedophilic vibes to how he lures them in to be devoured. This is the kind of image the LGBT community has been pushing very hard to rid itself of for decades, so obviously making Pennywise the Dancing Clown as the new gay horror icon in a forced attempt at repeating the Babadook’s joking LGBT icon status is a great move! It’s really not. This is some of the cringiest shit the internet has ever done, and only showcases how tone deaf fandoms can be.

2. The reaction to The Emoji Movie

The Emoji Movie is not a good film. At best, it’s “so bad it’s good” or even “okay” if you’re feeling charitable. But that’s not what seemingly every reviewer or comment section on the internet would tell you! Apparently this film is the animated apocalypse, and is the end of cinema and the most horrifyingly awful film ever made! EVERY big reviewer got in on this hyperbolic bullshit. This movie is JUST a bad film, it is NOT the end of all cinema, it is NOT some sort of sign of the death of creativity in the world… hell, it’s hard to even CALL it a film, it’s more like a really shitty, overly-long advert. Usually people overreact to good movies. This is the first time I’ve ever seen people overreact to a shitty one.

1. All the sexual harassment in Hollywood

Oooooh boy. Harvey Weinstein being revealed to be a massive, disgusting pervert was bad enough, but then beloved actor Kevin Spacey, beloved Pixar mastermind John Lasseter, bitter comedian Louis C.K., and even GEORGE TAKEI being accused of past sexual misconduct? And while some of these accusations sound like absolute bullshit (the story against Takei is really fucking fishy), Kevin “I choose to live as a gay man” Spacey and John Lasseter’s are sadly likely, and C.K. actually came out and gave an apology for doing shit. I guess it’s good to see that this shit won’t fly anymore, but knowing how awful these formerly admirable men have treated men and women working for them is just disgusting. And let’s not even get into the numerous accusations leveled against the president… that’s something else entirely. At least from all of THIS bad, something good can actually come out of it.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Did you all actually think I was going to end things off on such a dour note? Nahhhhh. Let me tell you about some other great things this year, at least things I’ve personally been able to witness:

Bayonetta 3 was announced, baby! Get right on aboard that hype train!

Pokemon’s latest game, while a mixed bag in terms of the redone story, has one of the most epic postgame adventures I’ve ever seen. Fighting every single villain in the franchise really makes this feel like the grand finale of the series’ time on wholly handheld consoles that it is. Also, Blachephalon is amazing, and Light That Burns The Sky is the greatest attack in the history of the franchise.

Doki Doki Literature Club came out, and while it’s not a game I’d exactly play again, it is a pretty interesting (and free!) indie game. It has an excellent cast of characters; I see a lot of myself in Sayori.

Ducktales got one of the raddest reboots I’ve ever seen. That pilot was fuckin’ beautiful.

Charles Manson is now where he belongs: EATING DEMON DICK IN HELL.

Filthy Frank released the dankest album of the year, Pink Season. Give it a listen here:

The greatest song ever created by manking was released: 

Let me be frank though, the entirety of Mouth Moods is a modern masterpiece. The outtakes are masterpieces too… particularly this one. And this one. AND this one.

QotSA released a fucking awesome album, containing fucking awesome songs like this one:

The funkiest summertime jam ever was released:

As for me personally, well, my fiancee @lilmissrantsypants and I finally moved into our own apartment, and things are really looking up for us. Our 2018 is looking to be brighter than ever; I hope all of yours is just as bright!

Alright, one more masterpiece before I go, the Song/Music Video of the Century: